#i had some that were here before mormonism but not most of them. like lol

[pjharvey]

i literally don't understand being patriotic what kind of person gives a fuck about their country. but especially if you're american. our was built on chattel slavery dude. most of our country's founders owned other human beings. like let's start with that

[pinkkittysaw]

I agree with your tags on that rb btw angel!! I don’t shame anyone’s decision to have a kid. Hell, every mother in my family except for one has had at least two kids before 22. And that’s fine!! I think at least for me my gripe is the social media aspect of it. So much of the content coming from family vloggers / family tiktokers is making profit off of children without the kids consent or even having children for the sake of views… or putting kids personal info / medical info out there… and I do feel like a lot of what we see paints a certain lifestyle that statistically is unattainable for most young families (unless they convert to Mormonism akdjskdj that’s a whole other topic) idk something about the social media aspects of it rubs me the wrong way in a “Christian fascism conspiracy” kinda way LOL.

But I did see some tags on that post that are just shaming young families and that’s just not right.

- aleks

for context, i deleted a reblog to this tumblr post here but i will share the tags of that post under the cut since i took a screenshot of them then deleted the post after i got this ask

i definitely didn’t mean to imply that you didn’t agree with my tags. my problems with the post were honestly from other people who reblogged it, not with that you said in particular /lh

i agree with you on your points in regards to the social media aspect of it all and the harmful effects of “influencers” showboating their children online for views/interactions. i think it’s very weird…to say the least.

obviously this is a lot more nuanced than a simple brush stroke of, “it’s all bad or it all isn’t”. there’s a million and one factors and a million and one scenarios to each individual situation and that’s why it can be difficult to articulate points on a particular situation, especially on social media.

i do think the people on social media who paint staying at home and having kids as something that should be ideal for every “woman” and romanticize it as well are also harmful. especially if said people making these posts are earning an exuberant amount of $$$, when that’s not the case for most people today.

(i don’t want to be negligent of the fact that women aren’t the only gender who can and do give birth but often times when consuming media where these social norms are praised, cis women are often the target audience specifically although these social norms do effect all people who can give birth)

social media heavily influences people, i definitely won’t deny that.

there are people and institutions in place that are abusive and preach/push this rhetoric that staying at home and raising a family while still being young is the most fulfilling/best/only option one can have. i don’t want to take away from anyone’s experience from the harm that’s caused.

i am very much a proponent of educating people on sex, birth control, pregnancy, financial independence/literacy because unfortunately, some of these stay at home moms/wives/girlfriends are put in abusive situations and have nothing to fall back on to help themselves rebuild their life.

I GET that is the point with a lot of posts like the one i initially reblogged are ultimately saying.

I GET that they’re criticizing world views that have kept women in an oppressed position for so long.

(not to say that they aren’t still oppressed in today’s society but hopefully you (general) get what i mean with my point)

my biggest biggest problem with all these posts is that they don’t critique the harmful institutions that create scenarios where domestic violence/misogyny/ general harm may arise, they just broadly critique all young parents (and mothers especially).

that’s truly my main issue with it all. not every young parent was forced to have children and to imply that the only “valid” (for lack of a better term) reason for people to have children that young is if they were in a position where they were forced to is also…wrong.

my mom had me when she was in her teens (later teens but still) she wasn’t forced or coerced into choosing to keep me, does that then make her decision “wrong” or make her a shameful person for choosing to keep me? even though she was young? and “didn’t have a future” like so many people in the reblogs love to say. i should surely hope not.

not everyone’s life stories look the same. i too wanted kids. back when i was eighteen i genuinely thought my future was going to contain three little kiddos and a husband. it was only little over a year ago, that i realized that wasn’t really the life i wanted to have, at least for the time being (granted, the time gap between 18-21 isn’t really a large one). me choosing to not pursue a life with children does not make me a better or worse person and that’s the root of what i think all these posts are about.

“you’re inherently wrong and bad for choosing to have kids at a young age” except now it’s repackaged to seem more feminist than before when really, it’s the same exact branding of shame that teen moms have been getting for years and it’s that same shame that prevents people from reaching out and getting the resources they need.

it doesn’t matter what my personal views on teen/young adult pregnancy are because there are always going to be young parents regardless of the amount of education we give them. some people just want to have kids at a young age and that doesn’t make them inherently bad people.

if people who make posts like that want to critique trad wife culture, christian conservatism (which is indeed a whole other can of worms), other systems in place that take advantage of vulnerable girls/women and force them into give birth at a young age, i’m all for it. i just wish they wouldn’t go about it in the most obtuse way possible because then you get a thousand people in the tags being like “i feel sorry for my friend who’s having a kid” “you’re young and stupid too why bring a kid in this world”

the shame that these posts create and endorse is what i have a problem with, not the actual message behind it.

ANYWAY, this was all very long winded but i wanted to make sure i got out everything i wanted to say. also this was more of a general post on my whole thoughts on the matter, not specifically to you aleks /lh

i never meant to imply that you held the beliefs that i was criticizing in that initial reblog and i apologize if it came across like i was.

[pudding-parade]

Unpopular movie opinions!

Just for a bit of fun. Because I'm a contrarian, you see.

1) The first Star Wars movie is meh.

2) I liked the recent Cats movie.

Elaboration behind the cut, if anyone cares.

1) Star Wars: I saw the first Star Wars on opening day with my dad, a fellow sci-fi nerd. I had just turned 13 a couple of weeks before. Our mutual conclusion: The special effects were amazing, but everything else left much to be desired. It's a tired and predictable story, and most of the acting is mediocre. For both of us, the only bright spot was Princess Leia. (And I loved R2D2, though my dad wasn't a fan.) At the time, it was unusual in sci-fi movies to have a lead female character who wasn't just a damsel-in-distress and/or nothing but a love interest. But, other than the effects and Leia: Eh. Granted we were both huge Star Trek fans, so there's some bias there. LOL

All that said, I will say two things for Star Wars.

First, it opened the door for the Star Trek movies, given that its success proved to the film studios that there was a market for big-budget sci-fi movies. In that sense, it changed Hollywood forever because big-budget, effects-heavy sci-fi became a whole genre unto itself, for better or worse. And, since I was involved with all of the Star Trek movies from Star Trek VI onward, including the JJ Abrams ones (as a musician and occasional arranger)…Hey, ultimately Star Wars gave me jobs, so I should be grateful for that. LOL

Second, one of my favorite TV shows as a young (and hormonal) teen was the original Battlestar Galactica, which was also made possible by the success of Star Wars. It's still a show that I re-watch from time to time, though mostly nowadays because the fact that it's "Mormons in Space" amuses the hell out of me. (Its creator, Glen Larson, was a devout Mormon and a lot of Mormon theology is included in the show; it's especially noticeable in the pilot.) Plus, its late-70s camp is just awesome to behold. LOL

2) Cats: OK, so there's bias here, too. I am a huge fan of the Broadway show. I lived in NYC when it opened there, and I lost count of the number of times I saw it, but I know it's a number larger than 30. I first went to see it because I love the book of poetry by T.S Eliot that it's based on. I had some of those poems memorized before I could read because I was always having people read them to me. (Especially Of the Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles, which was my favorite.) I couldn't imagine how they'd turn the book into a show and, really...they didn't. They just set the poems to music and created dance numbers as well as a flimsy reason why it was all happening. And yet, I loved it. I loved the choreography, the set, the costumes, the music, the audience interaction, everything. The show became my "comfort food," so to speak. When I was particularly down -- which was often, at the time -- I'd go see the show and it would help a little bit.

Now, the movie isn't really the show at all, and there are things about it that I definitely don't like. BUT! I still like it overall. I suspect that if there is a Cats fandom, then most of them hate it. But I like it. Maybe it's just nostalgia, like seeing an old friend you haven't seen in years and noting how much they've changed and not always for the better, but you still love them anyway because they're still your old friend. Yeah. That's how I feel about the Cats movie.

[nerdygaymormon]

I was gonna reply to your post but I got too long lol oops.

in the most loving way possible (which I truly mean but don't always have the vocabulary for), are you sure this therapist is good for you? like, it's one thing for them to express concern about putting yourself in a hostile environment, and another to completely talk down about something so important for you. (both of us, really— I've had to express to my therapist once or twice that my spirituality and involvement in the church is not up for debate or negotiation, as that's entirely between me and God and she can butt out. she respects my spiritual experiences a lot more now.)

a therapist should be an advocate, yes, and encourage us to make hard decisions sometimes and think about hard things, but so inflammatory? as if we don't already know all the church's issues with this, us being on the proverbial front lines and all, lol. like?

I'm sorry this is causing you pain and discomfort. this weekend was hard for so many of us, and this on top of it feels like an additional piano dropped on top of it all. I hope you can find some good self-care this week, uncle david. heaven only knows we all need it.

(you don't have to answer this with anything. I just hope you can find a place that respects all your choices, not just some of them.)

Thank you for your concern and suggestion. And also thank you to those who wrote responses on the original post, I really appreciated those sentiments.

In this case, I don't think it's my therapist's fault. I'm the one who is being coy, not honest, about my current relationship & involvement with church. She was stating the things I implied in my first session with her, to make clear she understood. Meanwhile, I'm not wanting to clarify and be honest because I'm feeling shame as I am realizing I'm here to have her help me with some issues that stem from all the years of internalized homophobia, and we already talked about the things my previous therapist helped me with which were also trauma caused by internalized homophobia that came from church. I can see the harm I'm trying to undo and yet I go back.

My therapist doesn't understand that Mormonism isn't like Protestant churches where I can just go to a different church, one more affirming. I know from my first time going to therapy a few years ago, it takes a while to explain our church and how it's different, and I was wanting to avoid that. I'm in a better place than I was 5 years ago.

As I was pausing before answering and being deliberate about what I said, she stopped to explain why she's asking. She's found that most clients, if they have things in their life that are stressing them, causing them anxiety, that feeds into the problems she & I are working on. If she can help resolve the other issues, it tends to manifest in positive ways in the issues she's helping me with.

She's correct, church is one of those tender points that hurts when touched. Also, we're new, it was only my 2nd time seeing her. She's pursuing things I brought up in my first session. She doesn't understand how sore & complicated church can be for me because I haven't really explained it, despite her asking about it in many ways.

————————————————————

I wanted to share the feelings I had today because I try to be honest about what it's like to be a queer Mormon. It's not easy, it's complex, these sorts of emotions are definitely part of the experience. I don't have it all together and everything figured out. Plus hearing a church leader speak this way is really rough, I don't like feeling that as far as the church is concerned that LGBTQ people are expendable, they don't really know what to do with us.

[alliluyevas]

@oysterish-sympathies this is a great question! The answer is complicated and depends partially on the time period and the individual family.

I’m putting this under a cut because it’s insanely long lol

Just some context introduction before I get into the actual doctrine on the subject: when Joseph Smith (and a select few other high ranking members of the Mormon Church) began the practice of Mormon polygamy in Nauvoo, Illinois, they did so in secret and this practice was not widely known in the broader church. Doctrine & Covenants 132 was the revelation regarding polygamy that Joseph Smith claimed to have received during this time period (in 1843), but again it wasn’t publicized until after his murder in 1844.

Some background on the composition of Joseph Smith’s revelations including D&C 132: these revelations were dictated by Smith, who seems to have been overall much more comfortable with oral as opposed to written communication, to a scribe (in the case of 132, it was his brother Hyrum). The revelations are spoken in the narrative voice of God, and the Mormon church party line is that God was speaking through Smith in his role as prophet.

The part of D&C 132 that is relevant to your question is towards the end where God/Joseph Smith addresses Emma Smith (his first/legal wife) by name and, through her, other first wives. After explicitly threatening Emma with eternal damnation if she doesn’t comply with polygamy a few times, the revelation introduces something called the Law of Sarah. Initially, this states that the husband must have the first wife’s consent to marry the second (or, presumably, further wives), much like the Biblical Sarah gave Abraham her consent to take Hagar as a second wife. However, then two paragraphs later the revelation completely backtracks on this presumably because while dictating this Smith realized he had accidentally implied Emma would have real veto power and he needed to give himself a loophole.Then, we get the Law of Sarah restated as only applying to first wives who accept that polygamy is God’s law, and that wives who deny this have no say and are the “transgressor” against God’s laws and their husband can override their wishes and marry whomever he wants. So basically if the first wife accepts the basic tenant of polygamy, she has say in who the plural wives might be, but she doesn’t get to have a say in whether there will be plural wives at all.

(Note: on the reality tv show Sister Wives, which portrays a modern Mormon polygamist family, they seem to have interpreted this theological doctrine to apply not just to the consent of the first wife but of all existing wives in the selection of subsequent wives, because when Kody wants to take Robyn as his fourth wife, they definitely portray this as something that he needs the collective approval of wives #1-3 for, removing the at-least-theoretically-privileged position of the first wife implied in the Law of Sarah. However, from my memory of my years-ago watch of Sister Wives, at least two of the three existing wives’s approval seems to be very unenthusiastic and conflicted. So like, in general whether you interpret this doctrine as applying to the first wife or to all existing wives, there’s a loophole written quite explicitly into the idea of the Law of Sarah and in general it is definitely a situation of de facto male authority)

Okay, let’s step away from the doctrine and into the actual practice of polygamy. Back in early days, as you’ll remember, polygamy is not yet publicly part of Mormon religious practice and Joseph Smith is a stealth polygamist. During this time period, he’s living with Emma and their young children in what externally appears to be a typical monogamous household, while secretly having a variety of plural wives who did not live with him. There is no shared household and, as far as we can tell, he did not father children with any of the plural wives. So there’s definitely a pretty strong delineation between Emma’s situation and the situation of the plural wives. However, I don’t think we can necessarily view this as deference to the first wife: while Emma’s situation and that of the plural wives were obviously very different, none of the women involved in this seem to have been exactly thrilled with the situation to say the least and there was clearly a lot of religious coercion (carrot and stick of salvation and damnation, promised by their prophet/husband) being used to get them to comply and go against what they had been taught their whole lives was the natural order of marriage. (There are also obviously some extremely troubling implications here regarding sexual consent, especially for the plural wives). Again, I think we’re very much looking at a situation where patriarchal and religious authority are being dual wielded by the men against the women in their own interest.

In later years, once the Mormon Church colonizes Utah and Brigham Young institutes polygamy as the official and open doctrine of Mormonism, the situation looks very different because nothing is secret anymore, polygamy is status quo, mixed households are the norm, and especially in later generations you’re looking at women who have been raised to believe that this way of life is both normal and the will of God. So you’re not going to see as much pushback from either first wives or potential plural wives as you did in Joseph Smith’s period, because they’re not being completely blindsided by something that goes against their sense of morality and social norms. I don’t think that necessarily means that later polygamy was any better for women, it’s just that they were less likely to express open dissent and that the exercise of religious coercion came more in terms of lifelong indoctrination than a sudden onslaught meant to convert them to this new system of marriage. I also want to point out that I’m not saying that every 19th century Mormon polygamist was abusive or coercive towards his wives or that every plural wife was clearly desperately unhappy. I just think that those are the roots of the doctrine and that it’s a system rooted in an absolutist sense of male authority with a high potential for mistreatment.

Once polygamy has been established as the norm, I wanted to get more into your question of hierarchy among wives in terms of how polygamy was practiced. One point I’d like to make: the majority of Mormon polygamists had only two wives. Church doctrine taught that you needed to embrace polygamy in order to be exalted in heaven, but for logistical and financial reasons, having more than two wives was out of reach for most men (they also may have viewed it as emotionally overly complicated, I’m sure). It’s really only the upper echelons of church leadership that you’re seeing with wife numbers in the double digits. So obviously the dynamics in a household that has Husband, Wife #1, and Wife #2 is going to be very different than a household with Brigham Young and thirty different women living under one roof, both in terms of how the wives interact with their husband and, perhaps more crucially for your question, how they interact with each other.

Typically, you might often see the first wife taking on a head-of-household role among the women, because she was the most established and also almost certainly the oldest. (While, again, really striking and disturbing age gaps were more common with church leadership, the first wife was more likely to be close in age to the husband, who would then continue to marry young women as he himself aged). The stereotype was that the first wife ran the household but the second wife was the husband’s favorite because she was younger and prettier, and I’m sure that was the case in a lot of families. (That also seems like it would breed extreme resentment on both parts, potentially). However, particularly as the number of wives goes up, you can also see other practical matters have effect in terms of who did what and who had what authority--a wife with ten kids, a wife with four kids, and a childless wife would have different positions and duties in the household. A wife who was viewed as intelligent or better educated might end up serving as schoolteacher for the family’s collective children.

In Brigham Young’s household, one of his wives, Zina Huntington Young, was seen as a figure of authority and admiration among the other women because she was very intelligent and had strong leadership skills, even though she wasn’t the oldest or had the most children or anything. Sometimes in bigger polygamist families the man almost becomes less important in determining who stands where, because there are so many women they kind of have their own community standards. Brigham Young didn’t decide his other wives would see Zina as a leader, they did. There are definitely situations where the husband’s actions directly affect relationships and power balance between wives, though. In 1863, 61-year-old Brigham Young married 24-year-old Amelia Folsom who was apparently extremely pretty and became the recipient of a lot of favoritism and special treatment from her husband, which seems to have pissed off the other wives to some degree because they felt Amelia’s presence and Brigham’s treatment of her was upending their normal household structure and elevating her above the others. So sexual favoritism on the part of the husband could also have an impact on wife power structure. (Interestingly, this seemed to sometimes brook more resentment than wives taking on more status within the family because they were older/more experienced or because they had a special skill, at least in Amelia’s case).

This is a long ass post, but I hope you/other people find it informative!

[emerald-studies]

Racism in Education

June 27, 2020

Day 6 of 7

[ These are just some thoughts I have in my head about this topic, it isn’t meant to be a purely academic discussion. It’s meant to be a conversation to learn about another perspective. ]                                                

—-    

Ok this will be my most challenging post. This is a long read but I’d appreciate you reading it all because I’ve been doing free emotional labor for almost a month and if you want to be an ally, that means learning from other perspectives. So please read. This drained me so much to write, please make it worth it. 

You have the time, please read.

As I stated in my intro, I moved from a very conservative State (I don’t even want to say the State because I hate it so much.) to Washington State. I moved after graduating online school a year ago. 

Growing up in that State I was almost always the only Black girl in my class. For my whole educational career. I hated when we would discuss the civil rights movement because I could feel my White peers staring at me, like I was the face of my race. 

It was junior year that broke me. 

I began the year optimistic. I always did, even though I had experienced racism before each year, pushing me to move to 4 different schools in 4 years. 

I moved to a school in a rural area with a lot of mormons and maybe 5 Black people in the whole, huge school. 

It was in September that my mental health plummeted. I don’t know why. I guess I was overwhelmed. I was in an AP US History class and there was work over the summer that everyone else did, but I didn’t. I had just gotten there, after all. I didn’t have the textbook. That class was such a heavy workload that we were having a quiz every other day, 1 test a week, and I was trying to study for a test that my peers had months to study for, and already took. 

I attempted to take my life, but I knew I didn’t really mean it. I’ll be honest about that. I just wanted everything to stop so I could catch my breath. 

I went to the ER on a Thursday night. My Mom drove me. 

We sat in the ER for a little bit and then I was taken to a little room where a nurse came to talk to me. BTW I have never had a good interaction with a nurse.

This nurse came in and basically shamed me. 

“You’re so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. You don’t need to do this to yourself.”

Yeah, no shit. I thought about that every day. My grades, getting into college, getting into law school.... that’s the point. I was overwhelmed. 

She suggested that I punch a pillow if I “Got upset” because that’s what her daughter does. 

Fuck off. 

The Doctor came in and he gave me butterfly bandages and he was so much more understanding, shockingly. (I’ve shadowed Surgeons and Doctors and they can be a little abrasive).

I liked that the Doctor fixed me up. I liked having this wrap around my wrist. I felt like I could move on. Like I let something out. 

The Doctor asked if I needed to stay at this place that dealt with cases like mine. 

I said,

 “No.”

I couldn’t have that on my record for what I want to do. So, I went home.

I took the Friday off and my Mom visited the school to let them know what happened. I was already preparing for pity.

I had to come in on Monday to set up a 504 (students with disabilities act) for depression. I don’t think I had depression, but whatever. I dropped out of AP US History.

They made accommodations for me: more time on tests, working in the library, more time on assignments, etc.

I want you to know that I did not touch those accommodations for 5 months. 

I knew I didn’t need them. I maintained a 3.8 GPA.

I sat in a room with all 8 of my teachers (we had a block schedule 4 classes per day alternating), seeing all of them look at me with disgusting levels of pity.

They each talked to me in private saying things like,

“If you ever need anything, let me know.”

“I’m here for you.”

“You matter.”

I thought,

 “Hm ok, that’s nice.”. 

I went on for months without using my accommodations and practically wooping my “normal” classmates in intellectual discussions.

But then the casual racism I experienced was escalating. 

First, in the beginning of the year, my AP US History teacher put his hand on my head and said to a student,

“If you really believe that, Faith would be a slave right now.”

(I don’t remember what the hell we were even talking about)

Then I got little questions/comments like,

“Why do you dress White?”

“Cracker is just as offensive as the n-word”

But now we were going into Black History Month. My new history teacher was an old White Man and we were talking about the civil rights movement, while in English we were reading “Black Like Me” with my blonde, Female, millennial teacher.

I nailed everything in the civil rights movement discussions. The teacher loved me. I nailed the conversations about “Black Like Me”. 

But....I don’t know. The environment got really toxic. There was more racism, gaslighting, slurs. Every. single. day. It could break anyone.

I would be on the brink of tears in class every day. 

Guess who didn’t notice? 

All 8 of those concerned teachers. 

They don’t give a shit. 

My grades were still pretty good, but I started working in the library. I couldn't be around all of those racist peers. 

While in the library, my counselor would come in and interrogate me. 

“How long have you been in here?”

“Have you tried, really tried to go to class?”

Of course I tried! I felt like I wanted to be dead and so I left. That’s what the 504 Plan was for. Again, I hadn’t touched my accommodations for months so I thought maybe these grown adults would use their tiny brains and think,

“Huh maybe she needs help.”

But no. 

I would go to the counselor almost every day and say 

“I’m not doing well.”

And she’d ask,

“What does that mean?”

Ok...so I have to tell this Woman that I feel like dying but not at my own hand? Because she can’t use social cues and read my face stained with tears?

I couldn’t say anything. 

She said,

“What can we do to keep you going here?”

I said,

“I don’t know”

Because that’s not my job.

Then it happened. 

My history teacher was talking about affirmative action.

He said,

“If I worked at a bank for 30 years and went to work at another bank, FAITH would get a job over me because she’s a BLACK WOMAN. Do you get that? She covers TWO minorities!” 

He said this while pointing his wrinkled finger in my face.

None of my peers said anything.

I replied with,

“Well, what are my qualifications?”

He ignored me.

He went on a rant teaching his opinions, not facts. So I wrote down what he said on sticky notes. 

I called my Mom at break and asked her

“Is that racist? Do I do anything?”

I was so desensitized to racism I couldn’t tell anymore.

My White Mom, my awesome Mom said,

“YES.”

I went to the Vice Principal and reported the teacher and gave her the sticky notes. 

The next day we got an email from the principle saying that the teacher said, he never said anything about me.

So I was a liar?

To get evidence, I recorded the whole next class. I was scared every minute that he would find out. 

He didn’t. And he said more awful things.

I had concrete proof.

We told the Principal and he ignored me. My Mom emailed the superintendent (very high up person in the school district) and oh now he responds? 

They basically said,

“We gave him a warning, he won’t do it again.”

Ok so he just will hide his racism now. Just remember, teachers legally aren’t allowed to teach their opinion. The Supreme Court deemed it unconstitutional to teach opinions.

I was still required to go to this racist Man’s class. I still answered every question he posed to the class and he recognized my intelligence. 

So WHY?

WHY me?

The whole year he loved having me as a student and then....that?

Moving on to my English class.

We had to do a cultural experience trip and so my acquaintance and I went to the Black History Museum. Because I’m Nigerian-American. I do identify as Black though because everyone assumes it anyways, but I wanted to learn more about the history in my city.

We were required to make presentations talking about the experience we had. I decided to add a little twist. 

I made a whole slide in my slideshow dedicated to every racist thing said to me in that class. 

The slide was met with laughter because racism is just so funny.

My teacher said nothing. 

So I, the student, the minor in the room, had to say,

“I see you laughing but this is why I’m leaving this school. This is serious.”

Nothing from my teacher. 

Cut to maybe a week later and I was done. I was sitting in my English class about to burst. My acquaintance asked me,

“Are you doing ok?”

I replied,

“No. Absolutely not.”

A classmate checked in on me, while all my 8 teachers who actually knew about my attempt on my life didn’t.

We went outside and I decided to leave the school that day. Three weeks before summer break. I couldn’t be in either class anymore. I felt my brain rotting from being exposed to the absolute shit that those students/teachers would spew, every day.

I lost my 3.8 GPA

I lost my credits for the semester.

The racist teacher is still working.

I had to go online.

It happened again.

Another racist history teacher. 

Wasn’t removed.

I graduated with a lower GPA.

Didn’t apply to my dream school.

I have the trauma seared into my brain. I’m terrified of taking another history class. Terrified.

Ok, that’s it. If you made it this far, thank you. It took me awhile to write this. I hope this gave you another perspective. 

--

So.... discussion time. 

Let me know what you think here

I’d like to hear from you since I delved into my trauma. 

I don’t think I’ll ever tell this story again, it makes me sick and tired. But I’ll answer questions/asks.

If you have a lot of White guilt and wanna do something, you could donate some reparations to my venmo lol: 

@faithrebecca1397 (last 4 digits are 4809)

or paypal

http://www.paypal.me/faithrebecca1397

Edit: People are asking me if they can reblog this. YES PLEASE REBLOG. It’s important to let people know that all types of racism are alive and well.

[citrinekay]

On September 6, 2019 I posted my very first Mindhunter fic to AO3, two whiskeys straight. At the time, I had no idea I was about to spend the next year of my life writing for this pairing, religiously re-watching the two amazing seasons we’ve gotten (so far!), and enjoying perhaps one of the best fandom experiences of my life. I thought I should mark the occasion by reminiscing on all of my 51 works I’ve produced in the last year, and thanking some of the people who have encouraged and inspired me. 

TOTAL WORDS WRITTEN: 679,747 (holy shit!! This number doesn’t include what I’ve written on my current WIP which just crossed the 70k threshhold and doesn’t look to be wrapping up anytime soon lol)

TOTAL SERIES (3): The Summer of 81, Fragile (Handle With Force), In Your Eyes 

TOP 5 WORKS BY HITS

1. The Summer of 81 series (lumping these 4 fics into one position since it would take up too many spots lol)  2. The Golden Boys  3. All This, And Love Too, Will Ruin Us  4. Full Windsor  5. Neon Dreams

TOP 5 MOST RE-READ FICS BY BOOKMARKS

1. Two Whiskeys Straight  2. The Golden Boys  3. Messy Suits You  4. Neon Dreams  5. All This, And Love Too, Will Ruin Us

TOP 5 MOST LOVED FICS BY COMMENTS

1. The Golden Boys 2. Red Bordeaux, 1971 3. Two Martinis Dry 4. All Our Lies 5. Two Whiskeys Straight 

TOP 5 MOST UNDERRATED FICS (in my personal opinion but also by hit count)

1. The Quality of Memory 2. At The Speed of Light 3. Last Resort 4. Deconstruct 5. Every Time We Kissed (There Was Another Apple To Slice Into Pieces)

I would love to hear from everyone what their absolute favorite fic is! Or if you can’t choose, your current favorite. I definitely have my own prejudices when it comes to my fics, and some of my favorites didn’t even crack the top 5

MY PERSONAL TOP 5 THAT DIDN’T MAKE OTHER CATEGORIES

1. Our Own Private Hells 2. Near Misses 3. Four Hundred and Seven Hours 4. Lake Michigan 5. Porcelain & Pink  6. (yeah, yeah I know I said top 5) An Excess of Dangerous Curiosity 

Enough about me, though! I’ve read some fics in this fandom that have truly blown me away. I’m still going to be thinking about some of these in five years whether I’m still writing for this pairing or not. 

TOP 5 FAVORITE FICS BY OTHER AUTHORS:

1. Vacancy by arbitrarily on AO3. As far as I know, this is the only MH fic this person ever wrote, but it was literally my gateway drug to the pairing. Everything about this fic is amazing - the prose, the pacing, the characterization, the visceral imagery, and the brutal, almost unbearable emotion. 100/10 recommend. 

2. All The Sins (You Never Had The Courage to Commit) by @mormon-hair. I’ve been reading fanfic for a long time, but this is the first one that actually brought me to tears. It’s a crime boss/ undercover FBI agent AU that I was not expecting to evoke such strong emotions from me, but by the end I was rooting for them to be together so strongly that I actually shed a few tears. 

3. Moons, Junes, and Ferris Wheels by moonrocks. I thought about this fic for a solid week after I read it, then I re-read it probably five more times. The ending was not at all what I was expecting, and even though there’s no clear-cut resolution I kind of love the fact that it’s left with so many questions as the show itself often is. 

4. The Lesser Key of Holden Ford by @vivarocksteady. Holy shit this fic blew my socks off!! It is not for the faint of heart. There’s demon possession, the forces of evil, and religious guilt all working against Bill and Holden before they finally get to admit their true feelings to each other, but goddamn was it fucking worth it. I’ve read this one a second time also and will probably re-read again in the future. 

5. Weak Hearts and Blank Spots also by moonrocks (and including the subsequent sequels) This series stole my heart. I waited impatiently every week for the update and tried to be the first person to comment every time because I loved it that much. It’s just my type - lots of angst, mutual pining, and hurt feelings before Bill and Holden manage to get together. 

6. Honorable mentions: A Sudden Red by by mormon-hair, Stripped Down to the Bone and Flirting With An Addiction I Can’t Shake Off both by @bambikieren​. (and their current project But to the Dead, the Truth which isn’t complete yet, but I’m loving so far) 

I’d also just like to do a quick shout-out to all the people who have contributed to my success in this fandom whether currently or in the past, left comments, encouraged me, given me prompts, or just been all around awesome:

@citruslucy @lovesight @rominatrix @loveislove5887 @ashtheironbat @randomwriter23 @buster-kitten @heymikkimouse @amygirl90 @crownofstardustandbone @queenielacy @lowkeystandom​ @this-sentiment​ @heyitshamderson​ @thesummerof-83​ @winderwaven​ @woollenpharaohs​ @nerodeniro​

There’s so many other people who I have interacted with over the course of the last year that I can’t remember, or I just don’t know their tumblr urls, or they aren’t on tumblr at all. If I’ve left anyone out, just know I’m collectively imagining all the good times and kind words this fandom has given me. I’m also thinking about the people who have read all of my fics religiously, but were too shy to comment or reach out - hey, I love you guys too and I do notice when I see kudos or reblogs/likes from people I have never spoken to. 

The last year has been crazy, confusing, and sometimes scary with everything that’s going on in the world right now, but this fandom and pairing has been a comforting presence, a little escape from the fray. I feel as if I’ve become a better author in this year of record-breaking writing, and I’ve put out some works that I’m still going to be proud of in five years time. Here’s to rest of this ride, for however long it lasts! Cheers, friends 🙌🥂💛

[chaosintheavenue]

Fallout Van Buren: The Basics

I have a lot of time on my hands at the moment, and entirely too much Van Buren information floating around in my head, so I decided to make a post summarising the main details of the game Van Buren could have been for those who want to know more about it, but would rather not trawl through pages and pages of design documents.

First up, for those that may not know, Van Buren was the codename of what would have become Interplay’s Fallout 3, had it not been cancelled during development. All that has ever been released is a tech demo with glitches galore and no direct relation to the intended plotline, some concept art, and a bunch of incomplete design documents.

Please note that, as a lot of planned content was scrapped even before the game itself was, some artistic interpretation is necessary to make the storyline flow, so some parts of my summary are my own personal takes on stuff.

(Warning: this is pretty long. Also, be aware that the New Plague gets involved in Van Buren a lot more than it did in any published games, so proceed with caution if you’re trying to avoid that sort of thing)

Plot overview:

The player character would start the game, in full Bethesda style, as a prisoner in an NCR prison. Choosing the crimes that had led to their imprisonment, and whether they were innocent or guilty of them in reality, was likely going to be part of the character creation and skill selection process.

At the start of the game, the Prisoner would wake up one day in a new cell in the automated, robot-managed Tibbets Prison. This prison was under attack by a group of rogue NCR soldiers led by a very skilled, but also very evil, scientist called Victor Presper. Many of the robot guards were damaged and weakened by this attack, and in the confusion some prisoners, obviously including the player, would have escaped.

Once away from the prison, the Prisoner was free to explore the map looking for more information on this Victor Presper, and would most likely end up wandering from place to place and completing a bunch of side quests for people they met along the way, as most Fallout protagonists do. More info is given on some of the locations they might have travelled to below!

At some point, the Prisoner would become aware that a large robot was pursuing them. This robot was ARGOS, controlled by the AI running Tibbets (ODYSSEUS), and its mission was to retrieve and recapture the escaped prisoners. If ARGOS did capture the player at any point, it would return them to their cell. Their original, still-damaged cell, which they could immediately escape from again. Yeah, nice work, ARGOS and ODYSSEUS…

Over time, the player would start to notice that the NPCs in locations they were visiting were becoming ill, and many would die. Somehow (it’s never specified how), it would be revealed that Tibbets was not just any prison, but a quarantine prison, and that all inmates- the player character included- were carriers of the New Plague, and had been spreading it to every location they visited on their travels.

(Quick lore break here: if you’re unfamiliar with the New Plague, its Wiki page is here, and you can find previous posts of mine about it here and here. Warning for detailed descriptions of illness, blood, death mentions, and parallels with current circumstances in all of these links!)

From here, the Prisoner had to round up the other escaped prisoners and return them to the facility to prevent further outbreaks- either by convincing them to return by various means, killing them and dragging their bodies back, or alerting ARGOS to their locations. Along the way, clues would appear that Presper was behind the whole fiasco, and was still working at odds with the player’s aims (as one design doc succinctly puts it, ‘that bastard is up to something’).

The overall main aims of the Prisoner (well, a Good Karma one, at least) would be:

To stop Presper

To cure the New Plague

To establish trade routes between settlements, likely involving getting the old trains network and running again. Of course, if done too early in the game, this would speed up the spread of the Plague…

Eventually, the Prisoner would find and confront Presper in space, on board a pre-war ballistic orbital missile base (aptly named B.O.M.B.-001), which still contained live nuclear warheads and had been activated by ODYSSEUS once the New Plague started to spread again. Presper’s plan right from the start was to activate this orbital base, then use its missiles to ‘clean the slate’ of the wasteland, so to speak, then start over with his own vision of humanity. The ending would have involved the Prisoner either launching the warheads at settlements they’d visited during the game, or blowing up the satellite with themselves on board to spare the wasteland.

Locations:

Boulder Dome- a pre-war science facility in Boulder, Colorado. Has a lot of New Plague information, making it a very useful location for more scientific Prisoners to work on a cure. Also contains a handful of environmental suit-wearing scientists who spend their days completing maintenance tasks to keep the Dome in working order, waiting in decontamination tunnels, and usually being generally mistrustful of one another. Yes, this is definitely Fallout, not Among Us!

Burham Springs- a former mining town in Utah that has been permanently burning for years. Home to the Gehennas, who will make an appearance below

Denver or Dog Town- a city of dogs. Let me repeat myself, a city of dogs

Hoover Dam- was going to be a large settlement, nothing at all like the version in New Vegas

New Canaan- a town of Mormons on the Great Salt Lake, as mentioned in New Vegas. Wouldn’t have had much significance in the overarching Plague plot as far as I can tell, but it takes a more central role in my own tweaked OC storyline because I saw an opportunity to tie VB and NV together through its characters. This location was cut during development and replaced with a smaller settlement called Jericho, but the mentions of New Canaan and complete silence on Jericho in NV mean that the New Canaan information is generally considered to be ‘more canon’

The Nursery- a pre-war facility that’s essentially a contained nature reserve to the extreme. There are lush green trees, clean water, and pre-war animals here. Also, the famous Harold would have made an appearance

Reservation- formerly Los Alamos (a real-life nuclear testing facility). Now a ghoul settlement, and also intensely radioactive. Almost a combination of the Glow and Necropolis or Underworld

This was just a brief summary of my personal favourites, but there are many more locations too!

Some of my favourite pieces of concept art:

(All taken from the Fallout Wiki)

Boulder Dome!

Gehennas!

Hoover Dam!

Reservation entrance!

-

I feel like this post wasn’t the most coherent, so if I made no sense or you want to hear about the planned storyline, locations, and companions in more detail, I strongly recommend Retcon Raider’s series on YouTube!

You’re also very welcome to ask or chat to me about any aspect fsghgf! That said, there are some areas of the lore I know a lot about (namely, the main storyline, the Boulder Dome, New Canaan, and anything remotely tied in with the New Plague stuff), and others that I’m not as familiar with just yet, so I’m not exactly an ever-flowing fountain of VB knowledge lol.

[prettyoddfever]

P!ATD in summer 2007

THE MAIN POST

Some stores still had a release date of late summer 2007 for P!ATD’s second album. Even at the start of July, HMV had the 8/20 release date posted:

Then MTV reported towards the start of July that a spokesperson for P!ATD confirmed that the second album would not be released in 2007 (this news happened before Summerfest). MuchMusic shared the same news a few days later and said that the band was still working on writing songs. The second album was expected in January or early February 2008 at this point.

SUMMERFEST

here’s a tag for the event. 

here’s a playlist

the event was on July 7th in Milwaukee and the venue seated around 23,000 people.

Eric Ronick wasn’t at shows in 2007, so Brendon did the piano parts. Bden’s solo piano cover of Round Here was still amazing.

A lot of fan commentary from Summerfest revolved around what the guys were doing offstage and on the side of the stage while other bands played. Most of it wasn’t very important: the 3 girlfriends were there, Jon apparently seemed annoyed with Brendon’s general existence, Ryan was drinking a beer while watching TAI, and Brendon mostly hung out with Zack or by himself. Brendon also came out to sing with The Hush Sound. 

Brendon & Ryan left each other alone, so there were no Ryden moments for people to share. But Jon wore flip flops onstage so that was fun too?

P!ATD played Summerfest instead of Live Earth but here’s a FOB moment there that mentions them.

Brendon’s voice was pretty rough throughout this show... it definitely wasn’t one of his best performances. 

One fan spent a LOT of time making some stuffed cats to give each guy at the meet & greet. Ryan thanked her and said he’d give it to his dog lol. The poor girl. That still makes me laugh though.

Brendon was still wearing his white shirt and black tie. One review of Summerfest said: “Frontman Brendon Urie's New Wave skinny tie and white dress shirt were sartorial emblems of Panic's tendency to smash together old stuff in a frenzy that makes it seem new to those who haven't heard any of it before.” Because Brendon was clearly trying to make a statement when he grew up dressing like that in the Mormon church too.

The most notable part of the show was obviously when the band decided to play a completely new song from the material they’d been working on at the cabin that spring. Ryan had mentioned in recent interviews that they would probably play new material, but that they still had to figure it out because “there are a lot of things that we've demo-ed but there's stuff that's missing from the songs that we wouldn't be able to play live right now.”

The band played a song that fans ended up calling “True Love” or “It’s True Love” (here are some videos). A fan who saw the setlist said that it had been listed as “NYC,” but I think the general consensus was that this wasn’t particularly exciting because it could easily just stand for “not yet confirmed.” Anyways, I thought Brendon’s voice wasn’t having a good day at Summerfest in general... I wish we could hear a recording of It’s True Love from another day too. I genuinely loved the song, so its reception still makes me a little sad. It felt like the majority of fans completely hated it and were absolutely brutal. There were seriously thousands of comments online tearing the band apart. Even fans who were at Summerfest said the crowd didn’t seem too impressed with the new song. 

Yes, the song was a repetitive fairy tale cliche... but who knows where it fit into the album’s storyline or what the tone actually was! Brendon said that a lot of the cabin album was satirical. This song was being judged like it was a serious single that was meant to stand on its own, though. A decent amount of fans got really upset that Keltie had ruined Ryan and made him want to write stupid love songs that sounded like a middle schooler (even though Keltie confirmed to fans that the song was not about her). A few other people were saying that this garbage was proof that Brent was clearly the mastermind behind AFYCSO lol. Basically, a huge amount of people were hating on the lyrics (but some people still seemed to love the melody, Brendon’s vocals, or other small parts). 

The band absolutely saw what so many people were saying online. There’s no way they could’ve missed that even if they didn’t lurk (which Jon did). Right after Summerfest they decided to scrap the cabin album and completely start over. The album’s release date had been pushed back before Summerfest, though, so it sounded like the band was maybe already uncertain about their new material before the overly negative response.

THE CABIN ALBUM GETS SCRAPPED

In a nutshell: the cabin album had become too complex and the band wasn’t really having fun with it, so they scrapped the songs after Summerfest and started over. They later talked about how they’d decided to stop overthinking the songwriting process, go on inspiration, and keep it simple.

Jon said the process of starting over was “actually quite liberating.” Ryan said it became easier to move forward after the band decided to abandon the cabin album. He also seemed relieved about the change in direction. He talked about how he’d been writing the lyrics alone that spring, but now the whole band was contributing to the process.

The main thing that matters here in terms of events is that they had left LA, moved back to Vegas, and were now in a practice space in the same building where they wrote AFYCSO. (I’m not entirely certain when the band left LA, but Ryan said around the start of August that they’d left LA & returned to Vegas “a month ago.”)

Some fans had fun suggesting titles for the scrapped album later that fall... here are some favorites I saved:

I Write Songs Not Albums

There’s A Good Reason The Release Date Got Moved Honey

Whoops We Didn’t Do It Again

Better Than Brent

Lying Is The Best We Can Do Because We're Afraid To Come Out

But It’s Better If You Do Release an Album

The Only Difference Between Starting Over and A Sophomore Slump Is Press Coverage

We heard some basic news about the scrapped album by early August, but it became bigger news that fall.

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE REPORTING

The fact that there was so little to report about the band in 2007 really showed which news sources were more reliable… and where most writers got their info from haha. There were a lot of variations on the story about how P!ATD was writing in a cabin and then scrapped that album.

Basically, MTV wrote a few articles after actually talking to the band and then Kerrang, NME, Rolling Stone, and a bunch of other sources all paraphrased those articles and recycled the quotes for several months. Here’s MTV’s article from early August. (I’m not saying MTV was always accurate btw... but that specific article had good info because it was mostly direct quotes from the band instead of James Montgomery’s explanations). Then this clipping below was from Kerrang in late August... notice how the quote that MTV had attributed to Jon accidentally got switched to Ryan:

And this article from NME was a total fail on every level lol. They copied the info from the MTV article, but somehow managed to mess up almost everything… they said that the band had debuted It’s True Love at Virgin Fest (it was Summerfest a month earlier). Then they attributed Jon’s quote to Ryan, missed the part where Ryan said they wouldn’t be using It’s True Love on the next album, and skipped the news that the band was starting over... so that meant some other writers assumed that all of the newer info in August should be lumped onto whatever they already knew about the cabin album. That’s why you’d see some confused journalists in October/November who suddenly thought the new album was getting scrapped.

Other sites like Buzznet just cited whatever NME had written and this turned into a bad game of telephone where all of the info sounded relatively similar, but still had big errors that could be confusing if someone only read a couple articles without following the evolution of how the news had spread. Other mistakes weren’t too important, but they were still entertaining… like NME said in a different article that the band “wrote their first batch of songs in an isolated cabin deep in the Nevada desert.” Another story made it sound like the guys needed to hike a snowy mountain to reach their remote hut lol.

Oh, and NME waited until October to post an article that the band had scrapped their album, so at that point some fans panicked that it had happened all over again. I think NME might have only said that because Rolling Stone got really confused that month.

At the end of the year MTV said that the failed second album "has been about as well-documented as it has been confusing.” And we were like no –– none of this was confusing unless you’re a reporter who’s trying to write a quick article without paying attention… y’all just confused yourselves.

OTHER STUFF FROM THIS SUMMER

here’s a picture tag (that category is mostly stuff from June – August outside of the shows, but I put August in Europe in this tag).

It sounded like Jon was living with Ryan, so the band would often get together at Ryan’s place to work on songs.

there’s more in this post about the “Ryho” stuff and how part of the fandom was treating Ryan

A group of fans started this rumor and it was actually picked up by legit news sites haha.

Some pockets of the internet sounded like they were anticipating a sophomore slump since most fans hated It’s True Love and the band was changing their direction this far into the writing process. MTV put the band on their “anti-buzz” list and said “why will [the next album] suck? Jeez, why won’t it?” with nothing substantial to back up that claim. MTV seemed like they wrote whatever they thought people wanted to read... if they sensed that the public opinion might be going downhill, they’d distance themselves from any former enthusiasm and hedge their bets (which is what they started doing to Ryan in summer 2009). 

2+ years between albums is a big chunk of time when you’re in middle school, so a lot of the previously intense fans found new interests and drifted away from the fandom this year.

P!ATD’s German site was updated with the news about the postponed album. It said “Neues Album in Sicht Ja, Sommer ist nichts geworden - Aber macht nix. Das neue Panic! At the Disco Album ist für Frühjahr 2008 geplant.” The part that made me laugh roughly translates to “Yes, summer didn't happen - but it does not matter.” 

I think my 18-year-old self would be very disappointed if I didn’t include a note here about how Ryan & Spencer were really really ridiculously good-looking in August 2007. In hindsight, I also think Ryan’s style peaked that month. I mean, his style was obvs great other times too... but August 2007 was like perfect. I did not understand why so many fans were hating on that look at the time.

FOB was still working IWSNT into some of their shows. Pete also used lyrics from Nine in the Afternoon in August… “eyes the size of the moon” was a blog post title and something about nine in the afternoon was a buzznet picture caption. (update: this does not mean that P!ATD copied the lyrics from Pete lol. it means that Pete would subtly hype new material his bands were working on). We heard that song for the first time on August 5th... I moved everything about the August shows into this post.

there were fan rumors that Keltie & Ryan broke up and that they were getting married soon. some fans were reallllly invested in their relationship.

Zack put some videos on his youtube channel this summer. Those ended up getting deleted, but luckily other fans uploaded them. Here’s the one with Spencer + the tray (which was filmed in late 2006) and then Spencer + ice (from March 2007 in Atlanta).

there were SO many fan projects for the guys omg. I know I mentioned this in the spring post, but I just really need to emphasize how ridiculous it got (especially once Projects! at the Disco got rolling). There was even a project where fans would mail a lot of flip flops to Jon... idk what he was supposed to do with all of those. There was also a project to submit pictures of your feet in flip flops for Jon’s birthday. Ryan got things like a mix cd, a montage of video greetings, a collection of pictures of fans wearing Ryan-style makeup, yet another scrapbook, a list of fan messages, etc. Spencer got the sneakers, fan-decorated drumsticks, a binder of letters, and some other stuff. People were still fighting to be in control over the various projects lol. Here’s one account who did birthday videos that are still up.

Wikipedia was being edited by people who definitely hadn’t been around during the Fever era, and who didn’t really have a good grasp on basic info about the band. Wikipedia even said that Jon had replaced Brent before the European tour in spring 2006 ha.

The flood of silly fan edits on Wikipedia that had been going on in early spring 2007 had decreased by this point, but this description was on P!ATD’s Wikipedia page for a decent stretch of time this season: “It is rumored that their sophmoric concept album is a semi-autobigraphical tale about a group of young kids training to join the circus (ala Disney's Totally Circus) and their journey from their small town Neveada homes into drugs, homosexuality, and eventual superstardom. The concluding track "The ringmaster becomes the student as they make him deserve " ends the album in an epic manner as the final practice before their concluding show turns into a drug induced all male orgy. The line "I pulled out and blew on the God damn floor" is repeated as a thunderous collection of drums and piano bring the track and story to its climactic conclusion.”

this was the best thing to come out of July (skip to 5:09):

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #338

“i can’t decide if you’re wearing me out, or wearing me well”

Are you a fan of techno? I've gotten more into it lately, actually. I've never minded it. Who’s your favorite horror movie villain/monster? Pyramid Head, though he's called Red Pyramid Thing in the movies. Do you have a favorite muscle car? Nah. I'm not big into cars. What would be a total deal-breaker for you, relationship-wise? You so much as lift your hand at me, bye, motherfucker. Would you consider yourself to be accepting of others? Yes, but not as much as I used to be. There are certain opinions I just don't tolerate in people anymore; I feel like by staying associated with people whose views invalidate or in any way harm others (racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.), you're on the side of evil as well, even if indirectly. However, I genuinely do feel I have a wide range of viewpoints I'm willing to accept in others, even if I don't agree with them. Are you flirtatious? No. I think I'm only capable of flirting with someone I'm already with and very comfortable around. I'd feel way too shy and awkward otherwise. Have you ever just felt "drawn" to someone, but you didn’t know why? "Didn't know why," no. I've felt drawn to people with good reason, like if I was romantically interested in them. Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to? There's a number, honestly. Especially with the aid of therapy, I'm being motivated to strengthen bonds with old friends and/or acquaintances via Facebook. Freddy or Jason? I think Jason is scarier. Freddy tends to come across as cheesy for me. Have stickers or gems on your cell phone? Nah. Ever teased your hair? Bitch I damn well tried in high school because I wanted the ~ l e g i t ~ emo hair, but mine was just too heavy to hold, at least with the hairspray my sister had. Have any friends with benefits? Nah, that's never been my thing. Ever lost of bunch of valuable information? Ummm I don't believe so. I've lost massive RP posts before, but I can't really call those "valuable information." What drinks or food make you hyper? None, really. Most expensive thing you ever bought? With my own money, my snake. She's a champagne morph ball python. What type of toothpaste do you use? Crest. How much time to spend putting on makeup daily? Zero. When listening to a song, what do you listen for (lyrics, bass, beat, ect)? The beat, more than anything else. What is the color of your toothbrush? It's a white electric one. What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? Black. Just black. Are you sexually active? I'm not. Do you have sensitive skin? Very. Are you attracted to several guys atm? I'm actually not attracted to any guys in my personal life atm. How many toilets are in your house? Two. Do you have an older sister? Excluding the one I don't know, I have three older sisters. Favorite song by Owl City? Probably "Hot Air Balloon," but I don't know many at all. What color is your mum’s car? White. Do you truly understand the (LDS) Mormon religion? I don't know what "LDS" means, but as my former best friend developed into a Mormon, I learned some stuff from her in her self-discovery. I don't remember a lot of it, not that I knew all that much in the first place. Where do you keep your kitty litter box? Ugh, Mom's unmovable about it being in my fucking room for some reason. And we have an extra goddamn room no one uses yet. Roman's shit STINKS, like we think something might actually be wrong, but nope, it has to stay in here. e_e It would literally inconvenience nobody if we moved it in the spare room. Are you a lighter complexion than your father? MUCH lighter. He's very tan. Do you like apricots? No. Solid soap bar or liquid body wash? 100% body wash. Bar soap slips so easily, and as someone who lives with another person, I'm not rubbing my body with the same bar my mother uses, no offense to her. Sharing it's just gross. Where do you live (country or state)? Shitty 'ole North Carolina. Do you use plastic, wooden, or wire hangers? I think we have a mix of them, actually. What is your favorite shade of yellow? I only like pastel yellow. Otherwise, it's one of my least favorite colors. Are there any shades of blue that you don’t like? If so, which ones? Ehhh not really. What is something you want to accomplish before you turn 30? God, can I please have a stable career by then. Who has the best decorated house in your town? I don't know. We live in a cul de sac community thing where it's just houses next to houses, so there's a lot to choose from. I don't pay attention to them. What is your favorite part of Halloween? The decorations. Do you feel a connection to the moon? "As above, so below," as the saying goes. What does your heart long for? Peace and contentness with myself. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? Last year, I didn't. I do want to this year, though, if I can just think of a really good idea. I have to be motivated. What are some fall activities you would do with your kids? I'm not having kids, but I'll follow along, hypothetically. With how much joy Halloween brought me as a kid, I'd want to do SO much as a family with them. Homemade decorations, carving or painting pumpkins together, and hell yeah I'd be taking them trick-or-treating once I felt they were ready and they wanted to. I'd be one of those parents that probably spends too much on whatever costumes they want, haha... Oh, and then besides Halloween, I'd certainly rake leaf piles together for them to jump and play in. This question has brought to mind like ONE thing I could enjoy as a parent, haha. Have you ever seen a fox? I have; besides in a zoo setting, I've seen one or two in the wild run out of sight, and I also found one poor fellow as roadkill that had been disemboweled by I'm assuming vultures. With my whole roadkill photography thing, I literally almost kneeled into a strand of intestines I didn't see at first. :x What color are the squirrels where you live? We only have brown ones. Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? lol no What do the trees look like where you live? Lots, and lots, and LOTS of pine trees... There are others, but I'm not well-informed on tree species and such. Oh, then of course there are dogwoods (our "state tree"), which are unmistakable because they smell like fucking manure. What is your dream vacation? Maybe the mountains on the western side of NC during the fall... ugh, that would be breathtaking. We actually have an abandoned The Wizard of Oz-themed park around there that allows tours at certain times of the year, and I'd love to visit and photograph there. As well, western NC has the zoo, which would be spectacular to visit with autumn weather and, once again, load up on photos. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? I LOVED field trips. Do you find museums boring or interesting? Very interesting! Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? No. I'm not patriotic enough at all for that. What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? Historically, larger doses of Klonopin can knock me the fuck out. Do you like bath bombs? Never used one, because I don't do baths. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? I'm going to guesstimate you mean less than 1M subs as "small," because I really don't know what you consider to fit that description. I watch a lot of people with less than 1M, so it's hard to say, but lately it's probably been a let's player John Wolfe. He's really funny. Then there's some tarantula YouTubers, along with the animal educator Emzotic... and really just many others. I think most of the people I watch actually have sub-1M, but more than 500k. Who are your favorite big YouTubers? Markiplier is absolutely, positively #1. I also really enjoy Snake Discovery, GameGrumps, Jeffree Star (don't judge me ok, he's a fuckin hoot), and while I haven't watched them in years, Good Mythical Morning will ALWAYS be deeply, deeeeply embedded in my heart. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Ummm probably the Spice Girls? Have you ever used an outhouse? Ugh, yes, at old childhood sports games. What was the last good cause you donated towards? When I cut off like 8+ inches of hair to accomplish the style I have now, I donated it to Children With Hair Loss. My hair has always been mega-thick and healthy, so why in the world waste it? One of my most cherished items is the certificate I got in return many months later that my donation had been used. Have any of your exes gotten married or had kids since your breakup? I haven't had contact with Juan in many years, don't know what Tyler's up to either, and I haven't spoken to Jason since 2017, so. I'm very doubtful he's married or has kids yet, though, just knowing him and how "I need to be fully prepared for this" he is with big life stuff like that. Does it bother you when people get super emotional? Not at all. I'll do my all to comfort them. Have you ever worked in a restaurant? No. Do you get a lot of thunderstorms where you live? Depends on the time of year. Summertime? Brief but super intense thunderstorms every late afternoon. What was the last drive-thru you went through? Taco Bell w/ Mom. Do you know anyone who claims they can see/feel spirits or other supernatural ‘things?’ No. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression, and Mom is also convinced Dad has either depression masked as anger and/or bipolarity, but following the divorce, I don't see it in him at all. He's never seen a doctor in that field to be diagnosed with any mental illness. What fun things are there to do where you live? Jackshit. Do you know anyone with a really poorly-trained dog? Mother of fucking god, yes. My little sister lives with her best friend, and said friend has a colossal black lab named Hudson that is absolutely uncontrollable because she neglects the shit out of him. Won't listen to you even if it saved his life. He jumps on you, barks endlessly, and if he escapes the house? Good fucking luck getting him inside. She has absolutely no right to own a dog with how shitty of an owner she honestly is. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home? They owned it. The idiots who were moving in after us accidentally burnt the place to a fucking crisp, and my parents were SO not happy to lose that house because people were dumb enough to place boxes atop the goddamn stove. Do you do meal-prepping? No. Do you know anyone who got preggo less than a year into their relationship? Multiple people, not that that's my business. What did you dream about last night? I don't remember it clearly, other than I was with Jason and his mother was also present. What's the biggest age difference you've ever had in a relationship? That would have been with Juan, but I don't remember exactly how old he was. I just know I was a freshman and him a senior that got held back a year or so in HS. If you could save one animal from ever becoming extinct, what animal would you pick? Probably bees, given how vital they are. Name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents. My maternal grandmother worked at Disney World. I can't remember what her position was, though. Do you ever eat peanut butter straight from the jar? If I want a healthy snack, sometimes I'll have a scoop. Do you prefer your clothes loose or close fitting? They need to be loose. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? This big painting of meerkats grooming on burlap I did in high school. Do you always wear a bra? I question the self-love of anyone who can sleep with a bra on. ;__; Do you normally finish one book before starting another? Oh yes, I can't read more than one at a time. Do you prefer reading books, comic books, manga/graphic novels, magazines, or the newspaper? The normal book. Do you know how to play chess? I don't. Are you watching anything? No, but I do have Manson's "Third Day of a Seven Day Binge" on in another tab. What is your blood type? A-. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it? Yes. Do you twitch when you're falling asleep? Dude, I more than "twitch." I can just suddenly spaz out and look like I'm seizing for a moment. Another side effect of my nightmare suppressant medication. Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. Has anyone ever bought you a ring? My mom has bought me a few, and Jason gave me one for one of our anniversaries. Where was the last place you took a bath/shower, other than your own house? My sister's place. What first attracted you to the last person you kissed? Just how unique and happy that way she is. And her pretty much undying loyalty. Has someone ever taken a pic of you while you were making out with someone? No, considering I wouldn't go that far with someone unless we were alone. Had a crush on someone you thought shared your sexuality, turns out didn’t? Yes. What’s your favorite color to wear? Black. Does it gross you out if a guy has hair on his chest? I personally don't find an excess of it attractive, but it doesn't "gross me out." If they bathe themselves just like everyone else, why should it? Do you think sexuality is a choice or not? It is absolutely not a choice. If it was, I'd assume most people would choose to be straight, given phobias, hatecrimes, etc... I could write an essay on this. Do you like industrial piercings? Yeah. Do you think stretched ears are disgusting? "Disgusting" is, once again, the wrong word. Gauges don't really gross me out - hell, I want tiny ones -, but they can reach a size that, to me, is not visually appealing. Did you watch animated Barbie movies when you were little? I do remember loving Princess and the Pauper as well as the Rapunzel one; my sister was addicted to them. Oh yeah! Then there was the Swan Lake one that she adored, too. We usually watched movies together. Do you like fruit in your cereal? Big No. Do you like raw vegetables? Ugh, no. Do you listen to A Day to Remember? I do! They're on my list of faves. Do you like funnel cake? I actually don't. Have you ever been with someone while they were getting a tattoo? Yuh.

[theaterdisneynerdsunite]

A (Controversial) Ranking Of 2010’s 10 Tony Winning Best Musicals

Remember when I thought this blog would be full of original theater content? Oops. Anyways here’s my list. Keep in mind some of these were incredibly close. I kept switching around 7/8, 5/6, and 3/4, but this is what I ultimately settled on. There’s a certain placement that I’m sure a lot of people are going to say is way too low, I’m not saying this is the definitive ranking or “correct”, just my personal opinion based on my individual taste. There are a bunch of musicals from this decade that I love that didn’t win the Tony, but that’s an entirely separate list lol.

10: Memphis

Tbh I know nothing about this show. It could be fantastic, but I’ve never heard the soundtrack, know nothing about it, and am unfortunately unable to listen to the soundtrack until 2020. Nothing against Memphis, I just don’t know anything about it which is why I put it at the bottom

9: Dear Evan Hansen

Put down your pitchforks. This is why I put controversial in the title. I’ve listened to this show multiple times, I’ve read the plot a bunch of times, I’ve had DEH Stan’s try to change my mind, I really, really wanted to like this show. The actors are incredibly talented and have great voices, no complaints there. I have anxiety and other mental health conditions and I was ecstatic at hearing about a show getting popular being about those things. I wanted to like this show. I wanted to connect to Evan, I really did, but the way the story is written makes me deeply uncomfortable with what it says about mental illness, and the music is fine but doesn’t distract from the story for me. It’s sort of generic music wise in my opinion. The way they portray both Connor’s and Evan’s characters makes me actively dislike the show, and it is really, really hard to make me actively dislike a show. I feel ambivalent sometimes, I have mixed feelings sometimes, but I actively dislike this show and that almost never happens. Also NPATGCO1812’s score and staging was phenomenal, Come From Away was sentimental and moving without feeling corny, and Groundhog Day surprised me by being better than I expected. I literally preferred every other show in the category from that year, I know a lot of people love it and that’s great but this is where it falls for me.

8. Once

I love the song Falling Slowly, and I think the actors dancing with instruments on stage was really cool. I think it was one of the first times it was done on Broadway, but I’m not sure. Other than the plot being a bit contrived and flat for me, there’s nothing I really dislike about this show. I just...feel nothing about this show. It’s fine, the music is good background study music, it just didn’t leave much of an impression for me.

7. Book of Mormon

So the songs in this show are absolute bops, and some of the wordplay is fantastic. I can appreciate this show for what it was trying to do. But ultimately, this show comes down to the humor, and you either like this style of humor or you don’t. I never personally found South Park to be my taste in humor. If you like South Park, you’re going to love this show. Even though I don’t find South Park funny, there were parts of this show I laughed at. But there were also parts that I cringed at and the cringe parts increased in hindsight. The songs are my favorite part: Hello, Sal Tlay Ka Siti, Turn it Off, Baptize Me, Mostly Me, I love those songs.

6. Fun Home

This show may have three Alison’s, which are all really good, but it felt like two plots to me. There is the story of Alison and her relationship with her father, and there’s the story of Alison’s self discovery and realizing her identity. These stories intertwine, but I personally find the self discovery and realizing her sexuality story much more interesting and compelling, and I also prefer the songs that are a part of that journey. Ring of Keys and Changing My Major are my favorite songs from the cast album. I read the graphic novel and it seems like it is really true to the spirit of the book. This and Memphis are the only ones I haven’t seen or seen a bootleg of, so I’m not really able to comment on the costumes, acting, choreography, setting etc, but for the most part I like what I’ve heard.

5. Band’s Visit

Another show that really comes down to taste. I liked this show when I saw it, the person who came with me didn’t. Part of the point of the show is rather than go to a big exciting city, they end up in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere in a desert where nothing happens. There are multiple songs dedicated to how nothing happens. And there are a bunch of mini story arcs with varying degrees of focus put on them, the focus shifts to much for anything to really happen. Which is the point, and it’s interesting, you just have to know what you’re in for. It feels like Waiting for Godot set to music, which if you like waiting for Godot like I do is a good thing. The romances are sweet. It feels like it should be in a more intimate off broadway setting, but I like it. The music is hit or miss for me, but the hits nail it out of the park. I like a lot of the songs but I love Omar Sharif, I could listen to it on repeat for hours.

4. Kinky Boots

This show is absolutely fantastic and I love everything about it. The fact that it’s at #4 for me was a shock, because this show is so good. This shows how strong the top of the list is in my opinion, because this show knocks it out of the park. This show has so much heart and sole. The costumes, especially for the drag queens, are stunning, the choreography like the boxing match and the conveyor belt dance are really cool, the acting is phenomenal, and the songs. The songs are so good. If they want to make you laugh they make you laugh, if they want to make you cry they make you cry, if they want to make you dance along belting out at the top of your lungs they are going to make you do that. Seriously, this show is so good.

3. Gentlemen’s Guide to Love and Murder

This just barely edged out Kinky Boots, because I feel like most people like and appreciate Kinky Boots, and I feel like Gentleman’s Guide is severely underrated and ranking it higher is going to let me talk about it even longer. This show isn’t as deep as Kinky Boots but it doesn’t try to be. What this show is, and why I think it’s underrated, is pure comedy. There are a lot of comedic Best Musicals sure, but the comedy is only part of it, but this one is wholeheartedly a comedy, which I feel is kind rare. A lot of things have comedy but it seems like not many are straight up comedy anymore. And the thing is... I’m not usually a fan of straight up comedy, like there are very few straight comedy movies that I enjoy, so the fact that I love this so much when I expected to only like it makes it even better. And as much as I call it a pure comedy, it’s got beautiful love song, great commentary, and a couple of twists that are fun even though you see them coming. The murders are really creative and funny. The characters are great, I love the gag with the Dysquiths where all of the murdered people are played by one actor. The acting, costume quick changes, and everything involved in pulling it off is so cool. I love the songs so much, I don’t think there’s a weak one in the bunch. And one scene may have one of my favorite bits of choreography of all time. It only needs three people, a doorframe and a chair. It’s not flashy or involves a million moving pieces like the costume bit does, but it is ingenious in its simplicity and comedic timing. This show seems largely forgotten by people, maybe because it’s not trying to be deep, but it 100% deserves more love than it gets.

2. Hadestown

If Gentleman’s Guide is one of the funniest shows I’ve ever seen, this is one of my favorite modern cast albums. This also hits a lot of my personal interests, so that definitely helps. I love Greek mythology, I love the anachronistic but also roaring 20’s setting, I love the genres of music they pull from, I love the oral tradition storytelling feel it has, it hits so many of my stylistic favorites that I naturally feel pulled towards it. I love the music, if you asked me to pick my top five, no top ten songs from this show I couldn’t do it. The casting fits the characters perfectly, and the songs match the characters so well. The lyrics are fantastic and the themes are both timeless and incredibly relevant. It feels like it was written in the past year or two, especially the song Why we Build the Wall, but it was written way before ‘Build the wall’ was ever a thing. And the design of the show is so incredibly effective, everything contributes to the feel of the piece and the function of the show. Everything seems so well thought out and crafted, from the costumes to the choreography to the script to the music, there is so much attention to detail and is so intricately tied together even though it feels simple, earnest and straightforward. Which to me is an incredibly difficult needle to thread. Like the famous Dolly Parton quote “it takes a lot of work to look this cheap”, it is such a complex show that looks so simple. And it’s so immersive, you fall into the story. You know how it ends, it tells you from the beginning how it ends, but that doesn’t stop you from feeling exactly what they’re feeling, from believing wholeheartedly that it could end differently despite knowing how it ends, it’s a masterful piece of art.

1. Hamilton

I doubt this comes as a surprise to anyone, even if I did technically make you Wait For It. I feel like calling it a cultural phenomenon is underselling it’s impact. There’s nothing I could possibly say about this show that hasn’t been said hundreds of thousands of times already. This show is a piece of lyrical genius, of musical genius too but a lyrical masterpiece. This show was like Rent was in the 90’s or Wicked in the 00’s, not only an instant classic that permanently affected the modern theater world, but outside of theater as well. I have loved theater long before Hamilton, but this show spoke to so many people outside of theater, made so many people fall in love with theater that wouldn’t have otherwise. It might not be my favorite show by Lin Manuel Miranda, it might not even be my personal favorite one on this list to see live, but nothing else could possibly take the top spot of this list for me. Who would have thought a hip hop inspired rap musical about a relatively ignored founding father would become the juggernaut it is. I don’t know what else to say that other people haven’t said already. It’s Hamilton, what else can I say?

[magicalgirlmindcrank]

Anyways heres sum thots i’ve been having uhhh cw for suicide i guess

I'm pretty sure there's no meaning to life except maybe to invent a meaning for it yourself. If anything the only reason life exists is so that once we tire of the perfection of "heaven" we can taste the bitterness of existing to remind ourselves.

I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for almost as long as I can remember. I've mentioned here before that one of the first things I did when learning to write was scrawl "I want to die" on a piece of paper I snagged from class. The pain of being alive had set in early for me I suppose, tho being raised under my father and Mormon almost certainly helped expedite it.

It's not as though I'm all talk either, although my father's suicide and the aftermath around it has soured the idea for me now three times have I attempted to take my own life and there's no real reason I survived any of them. The dosages were lethal but I woke up in that morning I was intent on denying nonetheless.

I still don't WANT to be here. However I can't bring myself to correct it as I don't think my family would be able to handle it. Although I suppose it is selfish of them to demand I stay alive simply because they like me that way when it causes me to experience such emptiness. Especially since they normally do not reach out to me. But which is more wrong I wonder? Me selfishly leaving and causing them to re-experience the pain of losing a loved one to suicide or them demanding I stay alive and miserable? Do either of us have any right to do it to the other? I wish I had an answer.

Of course immediate family isn't the only people that know me. I have one or two people that personally know me that I'd call friend. My girlfriends. The rest of my internet groups. The same questions apply, do they have any right to demand I stay alive and hurting, do I have any right to hurt them by leaving? It's not as though I asked to be here. At least not HERE in this body specifically. Again I wish I had an answer but I don't.

Often I ponder how long it'd take for my body to be found. I don't think it'd be less than a week. Online I'd simply disappear without a single word. Likely forgotten by most those following me shortly after if they even noticed.

I'm not sure where this post is going lol. I think I just wanted to say some stuff. Which i suppose makes this an aimless exercise, the equivalent of flapping my limbs every which way just so I could move them because I can. I'm not sure what I want out of life for the most part nor do I know how to build to the things I do want. I'm only in the job I got by chance after all. The things I like doing aren't 'valuable' so why shake it up when I don't like work at all. Idk.

I hope whatever God there is takes me soon.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

40, 47, 59, 62, 76

lmao hell yeah thanks for All this support i love it!! quastions

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

really idk i feel like even our schools’s Antics were pretty par for the course and i was just sitting in the corner reading the whole time basically......trying to think if anything wild happened in college but even then it was p similar. well you know what, whatever donors covered the majority of the cost of the school’s black box theater being renovated apparently Stipulated that every other year a rodgers and hammerstein production be put on. absolute freaks. my roommate/friend and their then-boyfriend, the one mormon i have Knowingly Known in my life, were in pirates of penzance (sic?) together. hilarious

47. favorite type of cheese?

i like cheddar and like, parmesan, smoked gouda.....let’s get that shit Sharp!!! and hard lmao

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

idk i’d be like an npc just doing their weird thing on their own. i’ve never played pokemons unless you count pokemons Go but i think about the famed “i like shorts they’re comfy and easy to wear” npc kid. like, yeah. i feel the same. and would say similar bullshit nobody asked about

62. seven characters you relate to?

oh god.........recognizing the self through the relatable characters :|

well let’s just talk about the wrol roles right off b/c the characters that Most occupy my gay thoughts (which is to say: my general thoughts) will inevitably get priority when it comes to Remembering things

1) whom among us doesn’t relate to jared kleinman........will roland emerging from relative obscurity and coming for our entire fucking lives like the goddamn legend he is. it’s tough b/c it’s like, oh well alana is relatable too, so is evan unfortunately sorry evan, and in ways i might ~usually act~ like one of those two more than jared but. no. it is Jared who wins the relatability contest, and we all get to be beautifully haunted by it forever

2) leaning hard into winston even with the few glimpses of him b/c somehow will Cannot play an allistic cishet. and this is even More of a case where maybe i don’t much have winston’s demeanor.......even without winston being a beacon of confidence, he has more confidence lmao. and he has that ability to just Be Himself in a situation which, i wish i had that moxie lmao. i am a lot more [usually trying to be accommodating wayyyy harder than i should], booo......even though he’s clearly not great at conflict considering how it doesn’t take Too much to put him out, it’d be pretty impossible for me to be all “called them hacks and lame” or carry out a very irritated monologue in front of four people in the first place lmao. but who knows. and it’s more in the details of like, oh no winston’s the odd one out even though he hasn’t really Done Anything, but we all ~understand~ why he Deserves it.........his expectation / treating it basically as Fact that he will disappoint people.......the [weird] [offputting] behaviors and his way of speaking in What he Says and How He Says It seeming wrong to people.......like it’s only 15-ish min of content that we have here and we don’t have the least info about will’s own thoughts on the character but it’s like. how is this such an iconic Gay Autistic Quant b/c these vibes are so rare. and i appreciate that he can be ~difficult~ lmao. same with jared though i didn’t mention it. i can be difficult!! love it for us...

3) briony atkins from murder of bindy mackenzie as a character who Does act more like how i Usually Act Like lmao.....god we’re only on three i forgot there was seven of these. and yet i know there’s probably at least 2 dozen characters who could make this list and i just won’t think of most of them unless directly reminded......but anyways yeah i mean in person i mostly do Not want attention unless i feel comfortable enough / in my element or whatever. especially if it’d be some situation like “sitting in a group of randos” lol. i mean it depends b/c i also can sometimes be ~on~ in terms of Masking and trying to be like Haha I’m Social I’m Regular and i def engage in Nervous Chatter sometimes, but like, very often it’s like god don’t talk to me and i don’t want to talk either.....and then yeah people Will be surprised that like, idk, i’m opinionated as shit and idk that i Enjoy Things / Have Thoughts And Feelings coz the assumption i guess is that you must simply have nothing to say. so the dismissal of this person who seemingly has nothing to contribute and must be Boring rings true lmfao.....but then of course it’s also important that her personality Under that is the one getting mistaken for emily’s lol cuz yeah At Heart i am sure of that dramatic / intense / excitable type Sometimes. but it takes some excavation before i am like “oh i can engage in my actual self” and like weeks and months to get comfortable w/ people and i’m always suspicious that anyone actually would enjoy it and i’m not too much......i am a motormouth actually and have something to say about any and everything and like to Have Fun Here but like. idk i come off as boring and can be Notably Quiet lmao

4) oscar martinez from the office is weirdly [Haha Same] sometimes lmfao. sort of keeps to himself but also has to pipe up with Opinions and Pedantry and the kind of Drama of a restrained theatre gay. some deleted scene from an episode where during an interview clip of Jimothy in a theater lobby and you have oscar call from across the group in that [wearied Ugh God] way of ‘jim, they’re remaking ___’ while jim just kind of gives a cursory “wow gosh” or whatever and like, i sure don’t have lots of Theatre Opinions but that “oh jeez i have a Take on this and have to share it with someone” vibe is like hahaha yeah.....it’s funny in the “the gang goes to the ice rink for a third of the ep” bit where you just catch oscar doing [ice skating turn] with some solemn intensity.......the “here’s a question nobody’s asking: is this worth it” quote.........way at the end where there’s a whole deal with one of the indoor plants and he’s like “why is it a He” @ the collective gendering of the houseplant lmfao.......i love the one thing where he and pam and uhh toby right? have the Finer Things book club or whatever and jim wants to join just like ~ironically~ and pam has to tell him that oscar doesn’t want him to join b/c he’s not going to take it seriously and use it as a Jokes Vehicle. and then you get the scene at the end where jim Is basically doing that and they’re just like taking it out of him and oscar’s all very seriously like “did you get it all out of your system” lmfao like yeah, earnest members only lmao.....the thing where he gets mad at angela’s like Jazz Musician Posed Babies posters all “it’s kitsch it Destroys art” lmaoooo and in a totally different season all “this is the problem with debate” over the completely inconsequential “is [whichever actress, i forget] Hot” “”””debate””””.......the whole tendency to get involved and always have a take to get across.....opinionated-sometimes-to-the-point-of-petty central. also that he’s the canon gay, are there even any others? anyways and as the us office’s spiritual successor i’ll add on to this by uh what’s the name of billy eichner’s character on parks and rec? it’s craig right. that Self-Powered Intensity is very #me as well.

5) augh god........im like lmfao shit who represents my Hater Club side. hmmm. oh no wait you know what. totally different but i love Prof Beatrice Hotchkiss in the trt nancy drew pc game. she’s holed up in her room writing all the time and just is weird when you try to talk to her all like no i won’t open the door, bring me food, do this Research, bring me my Ski Boots i guess......and then when you do meet her it’s all at like post-midnight in the lounge and she’s all like, encouraging you as a Night Owl and your investigative curiosity and all and i’m like oh word yeah being up in the dead of night is the shit. she’s just weird and passionate and this is another character i might not Act hardly at all like but who i vibe with lmfao. hotchkiss was the supportive adult in my life

6) remembering how hotchkiss is a historian made me think of academia which made me think of like, once again with “these vibes are So So Rare” i really ought to put the wrol role of Nato on the list cuz like. that essential representation of “gets gr8 grades but isn’t really ~academic~ / doesn’t care about that and really just cares about Hanging W Friends and [real specific interests]” is like wow damn that’s the Mood. coz like to an extent i can always Relate to the ~overachiever~ types a la the [nerd character gets all-A’s and other nerd shit] deal, but there’s eventually the issue of like.....those characters like bindy mackenzies and alana becks Care about their achievements (not exclusively as some ppl would have it 9_9) and are Studious whereas i always hated school and was a godawful student in terms of Habits and always got good grades b/c the devil was with me or something and like people will think i must have tried real hard and dedicated myself to Academics and stuff and it’s like.........no................not at all hardly, sure i did my hw every night but at like 11:29 pm or studied for a midterm at lunch right before the class lol or flipped through a lil bit of the sat study guide the night prior.........the “low-effort dumbass who Academically Excels Anyhow” representation is so crucial like!! i run into a wall when it’s the Good Grades nerd character who is real studious and focused and stuff like. couldn’t be me. meanwhile the “naturally weird + probably some ‘deliberate’ weirdness” and “likes animals” and “most likely to just wanna Roll With It” and “shitty focus lol” and “non sequiturs” and “without [activity] i do nothing” is all like....ahahahohoho..........nato rly got to make this list. and honorable mention for Wrol Jeremy. again: whom doesn’t relate!!!!!!!!

7) damnit i know there’s So many answers to [characters i relate to] and whom cover like, more particular Facets here but i’m struggling lmao. Uh. like i’m like, who’s the Hot Mess / continually evolving disaster characters i vibe with......who’s the peak despresso detached Haters rep......who embodies the solo production lifestyle........dammit you know what lol i tend to Feel for like, the background ~nobodies~ who might just get like totally destroyed in some movie with life or death stakes just to like, show how much danger our heroes / Important Complex Protags are. same w/ jeremy not feeling like the Hero / the one who the story’s about / the cool guy / player 1 / etc etc etc i’m like oo i’d be the npc who doesn’t really do anything, i’d be the rando getting blown away in the background of someone else’s story. on a totally different note another shoutout / honorable mention to wybie from the coraline lmfao one of the best characters invented from thin air for an adaptation......tangentially relevant b/c he’s entirely here to support the protag / not his story at all, just here to help and prompt interactions / exposition really.......but love that [weird loner kid who’s best friend is a cat and annoys the other kid and doesn’t Get it and has specific interests and entertains himself and just is doing weird shit around here tf dude lmao killing it] like, #mood. #lifestyle. less dismal to relate to than the bg person who dies......his counterpart who totally dies is somewhat fleshed out / given Investment so it doesnt Really count as [background Nobody who’s really just fodder for “defining the stakes / threat level”] Character Concept

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

latkes maybe......Yummy

[story-monster]

Mawwage

I’M BACK

Dun dun duuuuuuun

I took a few weeks’ break to enjoy the married life, that dweam wifin a dweam.

Being married is AWESOME.  I totally recommend it.  Definitely worth taking a break for.  But it does mean I’ve got a lot of catching up to do!  There’s all these great stories about married life, the honeymoon (a Caribbean cruise…it was fabulous), moving houses, everything…things have been crazy.  In fact, I shouldn’t be blogging at all.  I should be cleaning or writing thank-you notes.  (Er…what is the etiquette for those, anyway?  I hope it’s not like within a month after the wedding or I am in big trouble.  They are coming, I swear!)

This post today is about  THE WEDDING.

There is SO MUCH to say about the wedding.  This is going to be a BIG blog post.  Brace yourselves.

We didn’t have much time to plan the wedding.  It was a 2-month engagement.  We are old and don’t mess around.  Thankfully, I had The World’s Most Beautiful Wedding Dress™ already hanging in my closet, so I didn’t need to worry about that!*

*pictures below

I also put together style guides for all the vendors and bridesmaids and everyone involved.  A style guide is basically a library of pictures and direction for what the project will look like.  (Being an animation director teaches you things).

(The decorators looked at me like I was crazy when I handed this to them haha.)

The colors were white, ivory, and rose gold.  I wanted to channel a very classy, vintage feel (with a touch of Mary Poppins.)  I ended up loving these colors even more than I expected.  They are just glamorous.

My cousin Melisa, a pastry chef, worked the cake, and Jen’s Bowdacious Bows worked on the floral and Waffle Love got reserved for catering and gosh everything just came together like a dream!

There were a few hiccups.

Like, I had no idea how much food to order.  Mormon weddings are more of an open house, so you’re not quite sure how many people will show up.  I stressed a bit over that.

300 less than what I ordered, it turns out.

The decorators were really frustrating to work with. (They were pretty unorganized.)  I tried hard to not be a bridezilla…

But I was.

I ended up making the centerpieces.

Actually my friend Susan Arnita put the centerpieces together.

Look at how beautiful they turned out!

WOW

But I’m getting ahead of myself here.

FIRST:  PICTURES!!

We got bridals/groomals done a couple of weeks before the wedding, on March 9th.  This turned out to be a really good idea, because the weather was beautiful.  Here are a few of my favorites:

(That DRESS, AMIRIGHT??)

^^Check out that leap.  The Handsome used to be a BYU folk dancer and he has some grasshopper in his blood, I think.

Love the movement in that one

It was cloudy, but the sun came out at just the right time.

^^The picture is my favorite of them all.

GUH he’s SO dreamy <3 <3 <3

^^LOVE that bouquet.  I wanted something that was glittery and pearly but soft and loose, not tight and ball-y like a lot of brooch bouquets and by golly, Jen delivered.  She even made black leaves for it, it turned out sooo pretty.  I have it in a vase on my kitchen table now.

I also let some of my goofy side show.

#constancehatchaway

The Handsome thought it was HILARIOUS.   Our photographer, Patti Deru, was like: “I don’t understand it, but I like it!”

…but my poor mom was horrified.  She didn’t want me to share these on social media.

Sorry mom.

The Handsome let some of his goofy side show, too.

Lol ^_^

Those were the bridals.  (BTW, is bridals/groomals just a Utah thing?  I had a couple of people asking if that was normal here.  I’m actually not sure…I thought everyone did bridals, but I kind of live under a rock.  Maybe someone can tell me in the comments.)

The wedding day came fast and not fast enough.  A week before, the forecast looked like this:

Which was comforting.

I woke up around 5:30 AM and went to my hair person, Cindy Peterson, and she did my hair gorgeous.

I don’t have a close up pic of that but it was beautiful.

Then I headless chickened while getting ready, making sure I had my temple recommend, clothes, makeup, shoes, everything, before we headed to Salt Lake to get married here:

WOW

Didn’t take pictures inside (of course), but it was a really nice ceremony.  I loved going into the sealing room and seeing the smiling faces of all my family.  It made me all teary-eyed.

I nearly said “Yes” at the wrong time, and I was blushing crimson for the rest of the ceremony.

But it was still amazing.

We were released into the wild :)

The kids were so excited to see us.  They welcomed Uncle Brent into the family.

Haha I have like a million nieces and nephews.

I inherited a new niece and nephew, too!

Ava, who’s 5, gave me a big hug.

I met Ava over Christmas, and she is so sweet.  When she found out that I lived all alone in my townhouse, she was heartbroken.

And I was like:

And Ava was like

Hey, yeah!  I could marry a homeless guy!  Hahaha!

(Brent didn’t like that idea.)

Lololol.  Kids are the best.

Magically, the weather held up.  No rain or snow, but a storm blew up and made the pictures more interesting.

Me with my bridesmaids (and maid & matron of honor.)  They were my sisters :) :)

I’m pretty sure Katie was there, too.

I had Jr. Bridesmaids too (my nieces.)  They were fantastic!

It was so great to have all the family there.

After lunch at the Old Spaghetti Factory, it was RECEPTION TIME.

The church was really dolled up.

The cake, & waffles

I loved seeing all our friends and neighbors come through <3

Hahaha a big group of “Entwined” fans even came!

Awesome ^_^

My sis Emily played the piano.

She played all the best songs, everything from Mary Poppins and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Slipper and the Rose, it was a Sherman Brothers Spectacle.  She knows just what I love #^_^#

The sign on the piano, it says: “All the Single Ladies – Please Take a Rose in Lieu of a Bouquet Throw.”

I didn’t want a bouquet throw at my wedding.  I’ve never liked them–it’s just so sad that only one person gets the bouquet.  I wanted everyone to have one.  So, all the single ladies got roses.

They loved it :)

The cake cutting

Mmmm lemon raspberry.

(No face-smashing.  My hands were shaking so bad it’s lucky I even got it into his mouth, lol.)

The Handsome surprised me with “Some Enchanted Evening.”

It was lovely and romantic.  What a voice!  (I’ll upload this recording to my youtube channel.)

And then, it was time for The Dance.

A few weeks before the wedding, I told The Handsome how much I wanted to dance the Cinderella Waltz at my wedding.

He was ON IT.  (Seriously, what a dream boy!)

We spent a lot of hours getting it down.

I was sooo nervous…but it turned out great :)

A big thanks to all the people who sent me their recordings so I could cut it together.

End of the night.  We made an exit.

That was magical too :)

AAAAH and the bridesmaids had decorated the car like a BOSS.

It was exactly the way a car ought to be decorated.  It was gorgeous.

It had been a magical day.

Here’s to a lifetime of many more <3 <3 <3

(I really hope they’re less expensive, though.)

Thank you so much to everyone who came!  I really loved seeing you all.  There’s nothing better than to have the best people celebrate with you on the best day.

(Side note: some of the gifts didn’t have cards or we lost them.  I’d love to send a thank you!  Can you contact me if any of the gifts below are from you?  (They really are lovely!))

And now…time to write those thank you notes.

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Mawwage was originally published on Story Monster

[comicteaparty]

July 12th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on July 12th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on The Guide to a Healthy Relationship by Dani .

Featured Comment:

Chat:

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY START!

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning~! Today we are discussing The Guide to a Healthy Relationship by Dani~! (https://tapas.io/series/TGtaHR) For those new or in need of a reminder, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer, and you can pay them no mind if you wish. If you miss out on any though, they’ll be pinned for the duration of the chat once they’re posted~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! As a bonus, each chat a top comment will be picked and featured in the archives and on an ad for CTP! All that being said, let’s get started and have a great discussion!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

snuffysam

i don't know why, but the scene where apollo is asking around and trying to find julian really stuck with me. it's not the most artistically vivid scene (there are quite a few of those), but that one stood out.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

anything particular that made it stand out to you? just asking out of curiosity cause honestly i barely remember that scene just because its not the most artisticially vivid(edited)

snuffysam

i'm not sure. i think apollo realizing he wasn't crazy in seeing julian the other night made me feel, like, emotions.

turnish

Really any scene with Julian that exhibits his psychosis are ones that I particularly like Like, I find it very relatable and the art just perfectly displays what that Actually Feels Like imo

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Hello!

snuffysam

the way the art reflects mental states in general is incredibly well done

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Just wanted to pop in and say hi.

turnish

I agree

snuffysam

hi justin

turnish

Hi!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

hi justin

yeah i have to agree with turnish that my fave scenes are probably the ones showing julian's mental problems. although i think the one that sticks with me the most is the one where julian is talking to a younger version of himself and his younger version is calling him lazy. i feel like its a great blend of mental illness but kind of normal self esteem issues perhaps. in that he does seem kind of sick yet here his younger self is berating him. @snuffysam thats a fair point. i did feel emotions when it turned out apollo was indeed not crazy. XD

turnish

HH YEAH that was like a punch to the gut

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

If I had to say anything about this comic, it's got a really nice traditional artstyle and all the detail in the characters populating the pages

And some great BG work too

DanitheCarutor

Hello everyone! I'm the creator of 'The Guide to a Healthy Relationship', I'll be helping my ma out with dinner so I won't be on much, but just wanted to pop in to say hi and answer any questions and such whenever possible.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Hi Dani!

snuffysam

hi dani!

turnish

Hi!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

thanks for coming dani~!

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Great to have ya here~

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yes. i really like the day of time reflections. particularly i think the way night is portrayed is really spectacular. https://tapas.io/episode/804141 like that page. youve got the light glow effects going on, you have some excellent reflections on the door that really make it look like night. its just all really well done.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yes

it's all very well done

especially the glow from the sity

snuffysam

the colors and lighting are just incredible

in general

turnish

i reread it today entirely bc my brain is Crap and i don’t remember stuff well but man i agree

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

snuffysam

yeah i probably should have done that lol

turnish

The night is still young

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

indeed

I wonder how you do sunsets cause I have a soft spot for epic sunsets

turnish

tbh big same

snuffysam

I like how the colors are shaded with completely different colors most of the time (e.g. a blue shirt has orange shading). that's super cool to me. something that very few artists do.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Same

Colored shading alone is awesome when done right

turnish

color theory is so important

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

and it also brings out the colors themselves

snuffysam

it also helps capture that feel of night time. which is when most of this story takes place.

turnish

yeah! agreed

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

This is a cool looking comic all around

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah there are really just great color choices all around. i especially like the contrasts. cause one of my biggest issues with traditionally colored comics is theres not usually enough contrasts. so everything kind of winds up looking muted and its hard to tell things apart from one another. but i feel this comic doesnt have that problem at all

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

and all in traditional too!

and I second that

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I made it. ^^ I'm inclined towards the Julian scenes too, though I actually liked the scene where he was doing his janitor stuff and tidying up, making things sparkling. In retrospect, it was nice to see him (seemingly) taking pride in something.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Hey Math!

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Also, I'm very impressed by going the traditional route with such a blend of colours.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 2. Given he was supposed to be dead, Julian’s appearance in Apollo’s life opens up many questions. First off, do you believe this is indeed Julian, or do you have reason to doubt this claim? What do you think Julian meant by telling Apollo that, “his friend is dead?” Was it just a way to get Apollo to leave, or is there a deeper meaning? Where do you think Julian has been all this time? Throughout, we also see that Julian has both physical and implied mental health problems. Do you believe this has something to do with his appearance? Do you think Julian dealt with these problems all his life or are they a new development? Lastly, where do you think Julian came from considering Apollo relays they pretty much found him in a bag?

DanitheCarutor

Ah! Thank you all! Seeing the positive reactions to Julian's mentally ill scenes is really encouraging. I've been doing a lot of research on the subject since I've never experienced it myself, and it's tough to know when it's being done well. Also I feel so bad for having Julian ruin that emotional scene with Apollo, slamming the door in his face was kind of a mood killer. Lol. @Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨ A sunset scene is going to be coming up in a couple pages, so we'll all see how that turns out. xD I've never drawn a sunset before.

DanitheCarutor

Sorry! I type a lot, and I type slow.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

SUNSET SCENE CONFORMED

and that's alright!

snuffysam

I think Julian metaphorically died when... something happened to him. Don't know what.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I think there's a deeper meaning in that the person he was doesn't exist any more. Though honestly, I'm not sure they were as good of friends as Apollo thinks; Julian seemed to keep to himself even then.

snuffysam

Julian was a nice person to Apollo, but I'm not sure if he ever really liked him.

turnish

when reading “your friend is dead” I chose to interpret that as the Julian Apollo once knew no longer exists, and Julian considers himself a different person now. or he’s running away from his past

i think i made the same point as math whoops

snuffysam

in terms of where he came from, i'd imagine russia, because he only spoke russian

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

It may be worth saying that, as a 40 year old teacher, I don't think I'm the demographic for this comic. Every time I see Apollo I kind of want to get in his face and shout "shape up man!". If he was as oblivious now as he was in the past, I kind of get why Julian would want to move on from his old life.

snuffysam

yeah honestly i get why julian wouldn't be too psyched about seeing apollo again. he's kind of a difficult person to have in your life.

especially if you have your own mental health problems to deal with

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i feel apollo is a bit self involved and just wouldnt notice julian's suffering. so while julian was there to care for apollo, apollo wouldnt notice when someone needed to care for julian persay

snuffysam

i second that

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I think Julian saying something to the effect of "I don't have what you need" kind of emphasizes that.

That time Apollo jumped out of the bushes.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Lol, Prince

I lost it when you brought up "shape up man!"

snuffysam

i wouldn't want to go back to that kind of one-sided relationship either tbh

DanitheCarutor

Aw man, those are really good questions, with some really good answers! I won't confirm much because I like things being left open for interpretation, but Apollo is 100% a moron. Also I don't mind throwing it out that he's a homeschool kid, so no social skills.

turnish

I love a moronic boy

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

tbf i could also see the hes dead mean something deeper. like maybe julian was in an accident and lost part of his memories. like all the good memories of apollo and just remembers the shitty times.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Also "Get off my lawn". (Your drunk ass is scaring the squirrels.)

snuffysam

that's awfully convenient re: losing all positive memories of someone

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Interesting, so I guess Julian was homeschooled too? Since they grew up together?

(Also, for a moment I read that as "Apollo is 100% a mormon" and I did a double take.)

snuffysam

yeah that doesn't exactly fit with most of the stuff he's done lol

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: Maybe? I kind of feel like Julian might have faked his death to get away from creditors and people who just generally were treating him lousy though. But maybe things didn't go as planned.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Perhaps

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

What's kind of interesting is how Apollo has problems too, with his eyesight, so you'd think he'd be able to empathize a bit with Julian having his own issues. But it does seem like he doesn't have much experience with that.

snuffysam

empathy and sympathy both seem to be problems for apollo

DanitheCarutor

Math: Lmao! Oh no, not a mormon! But for the homeschool question, nah. Julian is a public school kid, they hung out almost 24/7 but they grew up in different environments with Julian staying in an orphanage and Apollo living in a fancy house.

snuffysam

especially when it comes to julian

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Ahhh, interesting. I think I misunderstood and thought he'd been adopted like a brother. That adds an interesting element of class to things too.

Apollo is very much "live in the moment". I would not want him doing my tax returns.

snuffysam

the fancy homeschool tutors may have neglected to teach him, like, responsibility

going back to what rebel said - were there any positive memories of apollo julian had to begin with?

like, even apollo's recap at the beginning paints himself in a bad light

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

probably. homeschool can be pretty lax from what i hear. so apollo's education in general might have sucked.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe they went sledding together.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and yeah its possible that julian doesnt have positive memories

albeit there must of been a reason julian chose to ahng out with apollo

snuffysam

though that may have something to do with apollo's mental state making himself out to be worse than he was

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and why julian didnt make an effort to move farther away

cause if i didnt want someone to find me i would not be living in driving distance of them

snuffysam

maybe he couldn't move further. relocating is hard

especially if you don't have financial means

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

true but he has had something like 5 years to make arrangements. i think 5 years. its years at least. but it really all depends where he was. it could be that hes been in the hospital or something

or a mental hospital

DanitheCarutor

Misunderstandings is totally understandable, a lot of stuff in the comic is very vague right now, and some of it will only be shown in snippets. I can't say much, but Julian does have some positive memories, there's just not many and it's harder to focus on the good over the bad.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yea

DanitheCarutor

Also as a homeschool student myself, the education does suck. I pretty much cheated my way through middle school because my teacher was a Christian booklet.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh really?

That's... interesting

DanitheCarutor

Oo! Since this isn't super important, Julian and Apollo actually grew up in Ohio in a town based of Newark. When Apollo "grew up" he moved to a city in California based of a mix of San Diego and LA.

snuffysam

is it possible julian faked his own death specifically to get rid of apollo for a while? like, he didn't have the capacity to take care of him anymore, so he just cut him out of his life.

lol "grew up" in quotes

so yeah, julian may not have known where apollo was, and didn't intend to be in the same city as him

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

man now thats got to be the shittiest coincidence

julian is like "im free from apollo oh shit wait theres apollo"

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

No kidding

snuffysam

yeah, but looking at julian's reaction - he clearly did not intend to run into apollo any time soon

DanitheCarutor

"and Julian's evening was ruined" -ugly cry-

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i wonder if apollo just didnt even know how julian "died." like one day whoever took care of julian was just like "nah man he dead" and apollo just made a goofy face and accepted it

QUESTION 3. Despite most definitely being adult, protagonist Apollo is a little bit immature. Why do you believe Apollo is so irresponsible? Is it just his personality, or are his habits a way to avoid certain aspects of his life? Do you think his ocular albinism plays a role in why he acts the way he does? Do you think it will be good for Apollo to reconnect with Julian, or will the events of the past send Apollo into a downward spiral? What do you think Daniel’s role will be in Apollo’s life? Lastly, what do you think it will take for Apollo to get his life together a bit more?

snuffysam

if his ocular albinism plays into his irresponsibility, it's only as an excuse. "well, i can't see normally. better get sloshed!"

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

(Sorry, sometimes I have to dash off if the little one is crying.) Oh, being away in a mental hospital would be an interesting development.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

^

snuffysam

i think apollo just has serious issues with self control. he started out with alcohol and drugs to get away from some aspects of his life, and then it just got worse from there.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Snuffy: I don't know about that. If he's sensitive to daylight, it makes sense that he'd be out and about at night, which is when the parties happen.

snuffysam

true, that may be a source of some temptation. but if he was healthier, that wouldn't be a problem.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

But yeah, agree about the self control thing. Guy doesn't know when to say "no". Also doesn't seem to know a good thing when he has it.

Fair. I don't think he eats from the proper food groups.

snuffysam

i meant mentally but yes

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Can't help you feel active.

Like, if you're always eating junk food I mean.

Ahh, gotcha.

snuffysam

he doesn't have much of a support channel to help him with his issues, and a lot of the people who do try and help him out don't like him very much because of the whole personality thing

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i think the ocular albinism does play a role. cause as someone who is awake all night, there is nothing to do outside. like the options are go to dennys, go to waffle house, go to walmart, or go to a bar. so i think it more than increases the temptation for apollo. it hampers a lot of paths to recovery.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Is it cool to bring up Daniel? Because he's such an interesting counterpoint.

I cannot see Apollo as a greeter at Wal-Mart.

snuffysam

his boss puts up with so much from apollo, it's a wonder she hasn't fired him

DanitheCarutor

Math: Sure! He's going to be in the comic a lot more from this chapter on.

Apollo really does have control issues, it'll come up why later but he's never had an issue with getting whatever he wanted as a kid.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh cool~

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

they dont have greeters at night. in fact i think the greeters all leave before 8pm at the latest

yeah apollo's boss deserves a boss of the year award

cause man

i wouldve fired apollo 10 billion years ago

turnish

Ahhh Apollo’s boss deserves the most

snuffysam

and his other coworkers too. who was the woman he asked for help and then called a slur? galia?

DanitheCarutor

Rebel: Yeah, being awake at night sucks. I used to be a night owl, waking up at noon and staying up till 4am. There isn't anything to do, at least anything that's a good idea.

Yup, that's her name! Poor Galia, she's only been in the comic a couple times so far and it sucked for her.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I'm hoping Daniel can get through to Apollo. Challenge him without going so far as putting him off.

turnish

Same here Math

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i feel at the very least daniel will openly pull up his flaws in a way others dont. cause the others say it with anger and derision and lots of ppl just flat out tune out criticism at that point. where as i feel daniel would be the one whod be like "hey apollo maybe you should clean up your place some?"

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Or maybe Apollo will just want to, so that his date doesn't get a bad impression.

Cuz the Apollo/Daniel ship is sailing.

turnish

heh

snuffysam

yeah, i think that's going to be one of the major themes coming up. trying to reconnect with julian isn't healthy - julian doesn't want anything to do with apollo, and he has his own physical and mental issues to deal with without taking care of apollo. meanwhile daniel will push apollo (either wittingly through calling him out, unwittingly through apollo wanting to get better for him, or both) to get healthier and turn his life around

whether apollo goes into a downward spiral or begins recovery depends on which path he chooses

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

It's a good point though, Rebel, about how to get across criticism.

I wonder if maybe Daniel starting to spiral down would help shock Apollo to his senses?

snuffysam

in that, apollo drags down everyone around him with his toxicity?

could happen, but i hope not. i like daniel.

DanitheCarutor

Oh man, I'm loving the Daniel discussion! He'll definitely be challenging Apollo in one way or another.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe Daniel starting to date Julian will shock Apollo to his senses.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i believe in daniel to be self confident enough to fall down apollo's hole. but on the opposite turn i do think julian will be important for apollo cause i think only julian can point out some of apollo's flaws from the past and give apollo pause. tho im not quite sure how outside of giving apollo more clarity of the things julian is dealing with

snuffysam

daniel can even use the perfect pickup line that he's been saving for such an occasion

"i like my men like i like my alcohol - russian, and found in a bag"

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

11/10

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Okay, you win with that one.

snuffysam

julian can point out problems that apollo has had since childhood, but question is, will he want to?

or will he just want to keep apollo out of his life?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Back on the question of why Apollo is so irresponsible, I think it comes from his position of privilege. His parents probably made sure that he never suffered real consequences from his actions.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i feel julian wont succeed in keeping apollo out of his life because 1) apollo is apollo and 2) julian's young ghost self is telling him to not be lazy and i think julian will give in to that for a while

snuffysam

yeah it absolutely stems from that

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

A restraining order might be needed to keep Apollo out of his life. ^^

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and yeah i agree with math, i think apollo has no real concept of consequences

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Napples agrees too.

snuffysam

where are apollo's parents anyway? do they know what's happened to their son's life?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Do they care?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

they might not care? or they might not know. cause apollo does not seem the type to call home frequently and i doubt their once in a blue moon phone calls consist of apollo saying "yeah i got wasted every night this week"

cause consequence conscious or not thats just not a thing i think any kid would talk to his parents about XD

QUESTION 4. The comic’s title, “The Guide to a Healthy Relationship,” seems rather revealing of the story at hand. What does the title mean to you exactly? How do you think the story will live up to that title? Furthermore, the three chapter titles (“Hypomania,” “Monophobia,” and “Psychosis”) all share a theme of mental issues. Does this change how you interpret the title at all or how you interpret the story itself (whether the entire story or a specific chapter’s content)? What role do you think these titles play in regards to the mental illnesses we’ve seen in the story so far? Finally, do you feel the story is about relationships with others, relationships with ourselves, both, or something else entirely?

snuffysam

yeah there's a reason i've been referring to things as healthy and unhealthy all night lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

for me personally i feel the title is both about relationships with others and with ourselves. tho i lean more towards the latter if i had to pick one. because of how apollo treats his own self.

snuffysam

yeah, having a healthy relationship with yourself seems like a big theme

i also think the unhealthy relationship apollo had with julian growing up will keep coming back

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Wow, I hadn't even picked up on the chapter titles. Hmm, I guess at first my mind went to romantic relationships, but yeah it makes sense to be more friends and such.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

"Guide to a Healthy Relationship - Don't act like Apollo."

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

thats the real lesson we should take away from this

dont be an apollo

be the best daniel you can be

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I gotta wonder a bit about Apollo's circle of friends too. They seem like real enablers, I wonder if they have day jobs.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

probably. despite their party habits more of them seem to have their crap together perhaps.

tbf tho i think apollo is equally an enabler. so i think its just a circle of friends who see nothing wrong, enable each other, and spiral down and down

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

There is that, yeah.

snuffysam

do they know how bad apollo's life is? or do they just think he's that wild guy who likes to drink on the weekends?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Speaking of spiralling down, that one panel with the pill on the tongue was cleverly done. Just wanted to get that out there.

I think they believe Apollo's got an amazing life. Bartender with access to free drinks, his own place without a roommate to bug him, the ability to afford random merchandise for thousands of dollars... what's not to like?

snuffysam

true

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

thirded

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

If anything, the search for Julian might be helping to pull Apollo away from the bad influences.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

math has a point

cant be out drinking when youre haunting a school at night

looking for ghost friends

maybe apollo will be like "wow so this is what being sober is like"

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

"I can walk without running into trees. My friends, however..."

snuffysam

though nothing stopping you from drinking before starting the search

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe julian will say something

like "please dont come here reeking of alcohol"

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Julian just needs to keep throwing water into Apollo's face. Like that first time.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yeah

Try it like eight more times

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Though the fact that he did reach out there implies that at least part of him doesn't like seeing Apollo down on his luck, perhaps?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah i dont think julian hates apollo persay. i think hes just tired of dealing with apollo

cause ive dealt with ppl like that

where you dont hate them

but man do you have your own shit going on and theres only so many hours in the day

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Truth.

"And now I have to mop the floor AGAIN, geeeez."

snuffysam

yeah, that's the thing, i think julian does care about apollo, but their relationship is so one-sided that it isn't worth it

DanitheCarutor

The answers about the tirle, and this discussion is soooo gooood! I didn't think anyone would pay that any mind. -sobs- I wish I could spill the beans, some of you guys had some really spot on theories.

turnish

Sorry I’m hella cleaning so I couldn’t participate as much as I wanted to,,rip

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Apollo knows not of this "cleaning".

snuffysam

yeah didn't you learn from the story, turnish? you have to live your life like apollo! that's the moral!

turnish

Dang ur right I should become a slob

shixjdj

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

kek

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Don't lose your glasses though. That's a bad plan.

DanitheCarutor

Yeah, man. Just throw it all on the floor, the nanny will take care of it. Everyone's got one of those, right?

turnish

Man I Wish

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah i store my nanny in my closet when not in use

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Hm, this sequel to Mary Poppins took a NSFW turn...

DanitheCarutor

Ah, I'd suggest storing them in a jar. It's more cost effective.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Anyway, last remark from me, again impressed by the use of colours and drive to experiment with some different perspectives and the like at times.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY END!

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party time is now up~! Thank you everyone so much for reading and joining this week’s chat~! We want to give a special thank you to Dani, as well, for making The Guide to a Healthy Relationship and volunteering it for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Dani’s efforts however you’re able to. All that being said, if you would like to continue discussing this week’s comic, we highly encourage you to do so~!

For next week, Comic Tea Party will focus on Wednesday7 by Viki Kuli. As always, please use the next several days to read as much of the comic as you would like. We hope to see you next Thursday on July 19th from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat~! Until then, happy reading~! Comic: https://tapas.io/series/Wednesday7%20

[reminds-me-of-a-puzzle]

The Book of Mormon London 11/11/2017

The Book of Mormon West End 11/11/2017

I went to see The Book of Mormon for my second time last Saturday and decided to do a write up b/c other ppl had done it and it looks fun!

Cast-

Elder Price - KJ Hippensteel

Elder Cunningham - Cody Strand

Nabulungi - Leanne Robinson

Elder McKinley -- Stephen Rolley

-When jesus started talking @neko-no-niji​ thought he was doing a jesus impression lol

-KJ walks down with the biggest smile on his face he was so good

-Codys ‘OOPS’ in hello

-In the ‘Hello’ ‘my name is..’ ‘Elder Cunningham!’ Cody looks at the other and tries to copy their moves

-Everyone looks so in awe of KJ at ‘Your’e like the smartest, best, most deserving elder..’ but honestly me too

-Everyone is so cute in Two by Two,, and the entire thing tbh

-Someone teach me to two by two dance? same 4 turn it off

-After two by two & before you and me (but mostly me) when Cody and Arnold are alone, Cody kinda throws his arms up in the air, jumps up and lands with his legs kinda apart? So hard to explain but it was so pure

-Cody sippin on a juicebox before they leave and his dads like….’ARNOLD,, ARNOLD’ that boy is so pure -- ‘I HAD MRS BROWN SING LIKE AN AFRICAN FOR YOU!’ -Hasa Diga, Mafala had such a deep voice it was rlly good (dont take that out of context)

-One of my fav parts is in Hasa Diga, when they walk back on the beat and fall on their butts

-During ‘This is my daugher she has a….’ Naba is proper slapping the floor and jammin then she stands up all pure -Turn it off is amazing,, they’re all such talented dancers honestly,, Stephen is such a good McKinley!!? -’WHAM, BAM, PUSH IT DOWN!!’

-When Stephen leads them to their rooms,, he holds KJs hand like right up to his lips he is kissing that boys hand okay -I am here for you..you can really see how close and comfortable KJ and cody are with each other they are friendship goals!!

-Cody constantly stroking Kjs face honestly same -Cody throwing the blanket over KJS face -At the end Cody gets off his bed and pushes it right next to KJs…..<3 <3 -Okay all American is one of my fav songs and it did not disappoint

-When Naba is like ‘whats the difference?’ KJ just turns to the audience with the biggest grin on his face - same grin during ‘I am there for you’ when Cunningham says  ‘It wouldnt be so incdiredible when you did it now’ and just before ‘I believe’ when theyre talking about converting But fucking naked and the others are like ‘That would take somehing incredible!’ -ANYWAY back to all American,,,Cody was constantly dancing, trying to shove the Book of Mormon in the Ugandans buckets or whatever they were holding - at points KJ signals to Cody like to stand next to him in the dance and like turns him around to guide him its cute -Salt Lake city was absolute perfection? Leanne hit every note perfectly

-When it builds up loads of stars light up in the background and its so beautiful

-At the end she grabs her typewriter to text all her friends <3 <3 -Back to the Mormon living quarters ...2 of them are playing games on the floor while another walks in playing paddle ball and they question why they haven’t got any baptisms come on guys

-McKinleys ‘O-M-GOSH’ -Cody is so chill explaining that they just saw someone get shot in the face :))) -Obv McKinely goes to kiss Price they wERE CLOSE -The scene of Price wanting to leave was actually so sad,, everyone was silent

-A good opportunity to shout out how amazing Arnold Cunningham actually is -Again, I am here for you reprise is SADD then Cody says ‘I don’t have any friends’ my heart BROKE -Leanne is so cute and hopeful in this scene, Naba believes in Arnold so much !! More Naba apprication! -Man Up is another fav of mine so i’m defiantly biased here...CODYS PERFORMANCE WAS EXTRAORDINARY OKAY

-Price walks on scrubbing his shirt trying to get rid of the blood and :))) - The next week I saw Bom (18th of November) When Cody is on that stand that moves forward he pulled a little kissy face and a peace sign IT WAS SO CUTEEEE -At the end note there is a single spotlight on Cody and it's beautiful

ACT 2! -Starts with more explanation of the actual book

-’I am Jesus’ gets me everyime

-Then goes to Cunningham and I don’t know why but it reminds me of the very start with Price walking forward, not sure if it's intentional?

-I really love making things up again, at the back his dad, hobbits, darth vader and a commander (?) from star trek appear like ‘nah stop’ -Cody pulled this really innocent face at the end i love him - Elder price was so happy to be in Orlando RIP his hopes and dreams

-KJ’s Price in SMHD is so dead inside...he is just ‘ :l ‘ throughout the whole song -The devils wear glitter okay and at stagedoor we talked to Ngozi how it never goes away it was iconic - -There is so much going on in this number

-After it all he's lying dead and Stephen goes to give him CPR and :))) - The week after I saw it again (18th)  when Cody says that all the africans want more lessons and all the elders are freaking out, Stevie just does a sassy click ??! -When KJ is all ‘thats amazing!’ Cody is so sassy and completely ignores his high five

-Its kinda sad honestly Harley was like’ DOnt be mean to him!! ‘ -KJs face lights up when they are like ‘that would take something incredible!’ I just want this boy to be happy okay -I believe is so amazing!! Really highlights KJs voice just damn -THEN really quick atmosphere change when Cody walks in with all the africans making up BS -When he said ‘You should always...stand up for yourselves.’ CHrist said!’ all the Ugandans were like ‘WOO yeah! Amen!’ Like they do in a gospel church but they didn’t the following week

-The villagers really love Arnold and this needs to be talked about more in fics okay

--Baptise me cured every sin i had….they're just so cute??? And the last note omg they look back at each other and aHHH

-I am Africa boi...Each time i've seen it when Harry Wright walks over to baptise his partner he literally goes ‘ :D’ and it's so pure

-the book in the butt scene is iconic..the doctor (gotswana) is played by Nicholas McLean and he is a great cast member!!!

-When Naba and Arnold have their little part, when they go to walk away they both look over their shoulder and Nabas eyes go up and down the audience and SHE LOOKS SO SASSY AND GORGEOUS!! -When Kevin walks back down there's shit in the bag with the book -Cody is really great in the coffee shop scene and so is KJ...when he says ‘when I baptised *insert naba name* the others just fell into place’ it got a huge response and you could see how close KJ and Cody were close to losing it and the fact that they held it together got a bigger clap

-When Price says ‘don’t touch me’ or whenever Cody touches his face and runs off and you can see that these two have a really great relationship

-Price goes to sit down but he can’t because of his sore bum lol

-American Moses okay ...when the music starts some of the elders are swaying side to side and bopping up and down

-Pls watch their faces when it starts to get bad though its so funny

-You can tell KJ loves the whole thing

-Just...so iconic

-When Jesus comes in with the huge dicks hes like humping the mission president from behind and sticking his dick in his face oml

-The Hasa Diga reprise is outstanding it should've been on the cast album (just like all the reprises tbh) and some people laugh but it's actually such a sad song

-But!! Cunningham fixes everything like the angel he is

-Its a really sweet moment when it all clicks with Price

-As McKinley is leaving he has this pink floral suitcase and its iconic

-Tomorrow is a latter day actually makes me cry, especially prices ‘I believe’ solo halfway through

-After the bows and all the cast all dance and they're all so happy and amazing i love this cast so much

-You can stagedoor here!! Please do it!! Give this cast the appreciation they deserve! They all give really good hugs okay