#i had my earphones in the entire time writing this

[alder-saan]

Infirmary

Larissa x blind! reader

Warnings : mention of violence.

Flirting and teasing.

You are the new school doctor at Nevermore...

Word count: ~2.9k

Thanks to @tanith-rhea and @bobia13 for beta-reading it! (And @on-an-egotrip who was a bit late but still thank you)

You were writing on your Braille keyboard. This was the end of your first week at Nevermore as the new school doctor. An earphone on, you were listening at the computer-generated voice saying the sentences you were typing.

You heard someone walking next to the infirmary. Long strides, steady click of heels on the parquet. Probably Principal Weems. The steps stopped in front of the opened door. Yes, that definitely was Principal Weems. You recognized her deep breath rhythm. You waited for her to talk to you, but she didn’t say anything.

Larissa was watching you. You seemed so absorbed by your work, she found this somehow cute. She may have had a little bit of a crush on you. She was staring at you, at your hair falling in front of your white eyes, at your hands running on the keyboard, at your so attractive lips, unaware that you could hear her.

And you knew she was staring. That made you smile. Principal Larissa Weems, staring at you… That was quite pleasant.

Why are they smiling? she thought

And you continued typing, as if you didn’t know she was there. And she continued looking at you, your white coat, your skin... When she had read your resume, she was reluctant to hire you because of your blindness. Nevermore was not really suitable for blind people. But in your interview with her, you told her about the abilities of your other senses which allowed you to move around without too much trouble. And then you had an assistant, Simon. Now she was very happy to have hired you. She was very happy because she could look at you. But during the interview, she also noticed this ring you had. A little gold ring, a little gold ring engraved with fine writing that she could not read. And as you had a ring, she knew she would never be able to make a move, and flirt with you. You already belonged to someone else. She knew she could never have you. So she just looked at you.

“Do you want to talk to me, or are you just here to stare, Principal Weems?” You asked.

Her eyes widened. How did you know?

“If you just want to stare, go ahead. I don’t mind.”

“Can you… see me?”

“I can’t, I’m blind, Principal. But I can hear you.”

She cleared her throat.

“I wanted to talk to you but… as you were working I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“Don’t worry, come, I always have time for my boss.”

You heard her heels approaching you, and her floral perfume wrapped you. She sat on the chair in front of your desk.

“I wanted to ask if your week went well.”

“Oh, pretty well, thank you. Do you want tea or something? I have tea, coffee, herbal tea, some sodas or fruit juice.”

“Er…”

“Tyl’, can you make me a cup of tea, please? Do you want one, Principal Weems?”

“What kind of tea?”

“Earl Grey. I’m pretty basic.”

Now she thought about this, the entire infirmary smelled Earl Grey. Actually, your mug was never empty. Everyone has their own addictions.

“A safe bet. I’d like one, thank you.”

“Two cups of tea, Tyl’.”

The kettle began to boil.

“Who’s Tyl’?”

“Uh? Oh, Tylgoedin, it’s an enchantment a friend of mine made for me. It’s basically like Alexa but more efficient.”

“And… Can you do all that you want with it?”

“No, I _or anyone else_ have to do the action at least one time for it to memorise. And then it just does the same thing again and again. I can teach him new things, but usually, it's a non blind person who does it for me.”

“I didn’t know that kind of thing existed…”

She looked at the kettle, and then two mugs floated in the air to the table on which the kettle was. Two tea-bags went out of a small box, settling on their own in the mugs.

“It allowed me not to have someone permanently with me. I can live alone thanks to this enchantment.”

She frowned. You had a ring. Did your… partner let you live alone? What kind of partner was it?

“You live alone?”

“Yes, why?”

“I thought you… were engaged or married. Or maybe you don’t live with them… Which is… totally fine. I’m not questioning your life choices. That would be unprofessional and inappropriate.”

You suppressed a chuckle.

“My ring, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Mh, that’s Tyl’, the enchantment is on ring, I mean. I decided to put it on my ring finger to show my ex-colleague I wasn’t interested. But that’s true I don’t need to do this anymore.”

Her eyes widened, her heart warmed. So you were neither engaged nor married. She might have a chance with you.

“A simple ‘no’ wasn’t enough?”

“He learnt I was a lesbian and thought he could change me...”

The tea now brewed, the two cups came towards you. So you were a lesbian, uh? That was good to know. Larissa took a sip.

“Men…” She said in a sigh.

“And you?”

“And what “me”?”

“Engaged? Married?”

She blinked in disbelief. Were you really asking her if you had someone?

As she was taking time to answer, you got worried. She was your boss. You couldn’t just flirt with her like that.

“I’m sorry, that’s inappropriate. Just forget what I-”

“No, that’s okay, sweetheart. I’m single.”

You blushed and coughed, hearing the pet name.

“S-So, what did you want to ask me? Apart from whether my week went well.”

“Yeah, I have two more questions. First, is everything alright? I understand if you need facilities due to your disability.”

“I will just need time to program Tyl’, that’s all.”

She nodded.

“Did you see many students this week?”

“See? None.” you giggled.

“Oh, of course, sorry, well… You know what I mean, right?”

“Yes, don’t worry, I’m just messing with you. A few came here. headaches, stomachaches, hypoglycemia...Usual stuff. Mmh, yeah, one panic attack. But that’s all.”

“Who was it?”

The worries in her voice made your heart melt. She cared so deeply about her students, that was adorable.

“Enid Sinclair, if I remember well. But I'm not quite sure.”

“Blue eyes, blond hair, pink and blue high-” she stopped as she realised you couldn’t recognize her with this kind of description. “Talks a lot, really kind, unbearably curious”

“I think that’s her. I cannot tell you more about it, but don’t worry, she’s okay now.”

“I understand, thank you.”

You instinctively fidgeted your ring, as the silence returned. You knew she was watching you. It was as if you could feel her gaze on you. But you didn't know what she was thinking. You were afraid you had been too direct with your question, a little earlier, that you had said, at one point, something inappropriate. She made you nervous. But you tried to hide it.

“Do you have… another question?”

“No, that’s all, Dr Y/L/N. Thank you for answering.”

“You’re welcome, principal Weems.”

And then she left. Only the scent of her perfume lingered behind her.

.

A week went by.

You were eating your lunch on a bench in the courtyard when your phone rang. That was Simon, your nurse colleague. 

“Simon, is there a problem?”

“Y/N? Yes, yes, there is a big problem now. I can’t handle it. Either you come now or I call the emergency room”

“I’m on my way, what’s the problem?”

“Principal Weems had been attacked by normies. She managed to drive back to Nevermore and walk to the infirmary, but she threw up and her head is bleeding.” He quickly spouted off.

Your blood froze as you recognized the words "attacked" and "Principal Weems" in his frantic gibberish. Shit. It could have been a concussion…

“I’ll be there in one minute.”

You hung up.

You almost ran into three students. You knew the way to the infirmary by heart, but you couldn't predict where the students were, and your ear was overwhelmed by all the noise around you. 

“Sorry, sorry, it’s an emergency.”

You tried to protect your ears as much as you could. This was really uncomfortable. Some teenagers grumbled "watch out!" as you passed.

You arrived in the infirmary, breathless. But you had no time to catch your breath.

“Where is she?”

“She is lying in one of the resting rooms. The left one. I gave her water and painkillers.”

“Thank you Simon.”

You walked to the resting room. When you opened the door, you heard Larissa’s breathing. It was calm, and it comforted you. The stillness in the room was appeasing the tinnitus in your ears.

“Dr Y/L/N?” she articulated.

“Yes, that’s me, how do you feel?” you said as you carefully closed the door behind you.

“Strange.”

“That’s normal. Can you give me your hand, please?” you held out your hand towards the voice.

“Why?”

“You know, my ability. I can know where you’re hurt by touching your skin.”

“Oh, right, right.”

Her hand touched yours. You gently squeezed it, appreciating the softness of her skin, and concentrated. You automatically knew all of her body, from its outer form to the smallest cell of which it was composed. You spotted a superficial wound on her temple and some bruises on her ribs and arms. You inspected her brain very carefully, trying to ignore the dopamine and oxytocin her brain was secreting. But there was nothing abnormal or serious. A small concussion, she would need to rest. More fear than harm. You let her hand out.

“You’re really beautiful, darling, you know?”

You felt your cheeks warming. Why would she say that now? The blow to her head must have been harder than you thought… But why didn’t you find anything?

“I was about to say nothing serious, but I might be wrong.”

“Oh, come on, can’t you just accept a compliment?”

“Then thank you, you too.”

“You don’t need to say that, you know. Especially if you can’t see.”

“I touched you. I know all about your body. Even your blood type and your chronic back pain, darling.”

“Jesus! Do you know my DNA too?”

“I cannot know that. But what I do know is that holding my hand makes you secreting pleasure hormones”

“Eh! That’s unfair!”

“Life’s not fair, Principal Weems.”

You smirked, and while turning around, you asked Tylgoedin for some bandages, cotton and antiseptic for Larissa's wound. You heard her moving in the bed, behind you, but gave it no attention. The three items floated to your hands, and you took a step back, willing to approach you from her.

But she was right behind you, sitting on the bed. You didn’t properly calculate the distance between you and her. You lost your balance, bumping into her knees, and fell directly onto her lap, as everything you had in your hands hit the ground. She wrapped her arms around your waist.

“Nice catch.” she said.

Nice calculations, she thought

“I’m sorry, Principal Weems. I didn’t want to…” You felt your heart racing.

“Call me Larissa, darling.”

“Al-alright. Then I’m sorry, Larissa.”

“Don’t, that’s not your fault.”

“Can you let me stand up, now?”

“Can't you bandage me from my lap?”

You were about to argue but… Being on her lap was quite nice. You snapped your fingers, and the items on the floor flew into your hands.

“I can.”

Tylgoedin poured a few drops of disinfectant on the cotton. You could hardly concentrate, her arms around your waist, her breathing so close to you. You could almost hear her heartbeat.

“Good, because I won’t let you go,” she purred

“Is that a kidnapping, Principal Weems?” you teased.

You began to disinfect her wound, and you felt her tense up as you applied the antiseptic.

“Sort of. For me to release you, you'll have to allow me something... a date, for example.”

You tried to hide your giggle and your blush, but as your head was a few inches separated from hers, she could see your reaction. You wondered if she could feel the warm glowing from your cheeks.

“How dare you flirt with me during my working hours?” 

“Well technically, this is your lunchtime.”

“True.”

She turned her head towards you. Your hand on her cheek allowed you to know where she was looking. And she was looking at you, at your eyes, your lips, your neck.

“You know, when I said you were beautiful, I meant it.”

“Oh, hush. Stop talking or I’ll disinfect your eye.”

You never liked this kind of compliment. It reminded you you could never tell if it was true or not. And honestly, many people, especially teens and pre-teens, told you you were not beautiful, even ugly, because of your white eyes and the fact you couldn’t wear makeup. Now, compliments  sounded like a bad joke to you.

“Why would you disinfect my eye?” she asked, half laughing.

You wrapped a small bandage around her head.

“Because to say such nonsense, you probably have something in your eyes which prevents you from seeing properly.”

“Darling, among the two of us, you are the blind one. So trust me on all the appearance stuff, okay?”

“You might be right. It’s just… Compliments on what I look make me uncomfortable.”

“Okay then. What if I say you have a really beautiful voice?”

You smiled. That was the kind of thing you liked to hear. You put your lips on the bandage on her temple and kissed it.

“Are you kissing my boo-boos?”

"Yeah, it’s a part of my ability, I can remove pain with kisses." It wasn’t. But she had no way to prove it.

"What if I feel pain somewhere else?"

You verified, but you couldn’t spot pain anywhere else right now. She was lying.

"You don't, I know it"

"I do! Just here." With a smirk, she put her fingertip to her lips.

“You smart girl…”

You put your other hand on her other cheek and kissed her. Her lipstick made it feel strange, but not unpleasant. And you could know her heart was racing, and her brain was releasing oxytocin. She moved her hands behind you, holding you tighter. Her lips against yours, her breath on your face, that was all you wanted right now. Her teeth sunk into your bottom lip, and you made a sweet moan. She kissed you, again and again, moving very slowly to lay you down on the bed. She left some kisses on your cheeks, on your jaw, on your neck, at the edge of your shirt, which wasn’t covered by your white coat since it was your lunchtime. Her hands went under your clothes, caressing the skin on your ribs.

“Larissa…”

“I want you, Y/N”

She was driving you crazy. You knew she wanted you. Through the contact of her lips on your skin, of her fingertips on your belly and of your hands on her cheeks, you knew she was getting wet.

“I know,” you whispered.

You buried your fingers in her hair, it was soft, almost smooth. Her perfume enveloped you completely, so that all around you was her. The lips on your skin : her. The intoxicating scent : her. Those hair you felt under your touch : her. This body, towering you, pressing you against the bed : her. The sweet moans : her. The hands on your hips, running a finger under your shirt : her. The breathing sound and the heartbeat : her. But you couldn’t get enough. You wanted more.

Then the clock rang. It was the end of your lunchtime.

You sighed. You had to work. You didn’t want to but…

“Larissa, let me go, please.”

She groaned and caressed your cheek.

“I don’t want to.”

“Me neither, but my boss won’t be happy to learn I spend my working hours kissing a pretty girl in the resting room.”

“This is a kidnapping, sweetheart, your boss won’t say anything, it’s against your will...”

You chuckled. You really wanted to stay with her. You wanted her. Her body, her scent, her hands, her breathing, her hair, her lips, and her heart.

“I accept your offer of a date, then.”

“Okay, okay, you may go. But wait a second.”

She rubbed her thumb on your skin.

“What are you doing?” you asked

“You wouldn’t want every student to see my lipstick colour on your skin, would you?”

“God, I forgot it could leave stains…”

As hard as you could love her dominating you, you loved her just as much taking care of you. You let her clean your skin, knowing she was smiling while looking at your own smile. 

“That’s all, no lipstick stains left.”

“Thank you.”

You stood up. Now she wasn’t touching you anymore, you couldn’t know what she was doing, you didn’t like that, not knowing all about her.

“You need to rest, at least for 24h”

“Can I at least have my laptop, I need to work.”

“No work.”

“But I have to-”

“It is a work stoppage, doctor's order. No work.”

“Not even a single email?”

“Not even a “single” email. Nothing. Nic. Nada. Nichts. Nulla. Nietsego. Capice?”

“Okay, okay, Dr Y/L/N.” she laughed “And for our date?”

“What about… Sunday? To the Weathervane?”

“Sounds perfect.”

“If you need anything, I’m at my desk.”

And you went out of the resting room.

_________________________________________

Hope you all enjoyed it!

[harrysmimi]

New York

Synopsis: Harry finally convinces his girl to come to see him play in New York

Ps: This is after Harry said publicly that he's got a girlfriend, YN and Him wrote Harry's House together.

Series Masterlist | More of my work

YN has never been out of Europe.

The only time she even stepped a foot out of England was when Harry took her to the Louvre museum on an impromptu weekend vacation. It was difficult for her to manage vacations, especially with work and stuff.

But she was now going to New York on her own. She was going to shit her pants but she had ber boyfriend on her mind. He had offered to send in his private jet for her but she refused and booked the flight herself. She would have felt too bad if he paid for everything though she knew he wouldn't mind. He didn't pressured her either knowing very well he'll have his way with her in many different ways.

Harry has been going around talking to everyone on his crew that his girlfriend is coming over and how excited he is. Especially last night's show because she's going to be there the next one, watch him perform songs they wrote together. Though it won't be the first time.

This morning he drive to airport himself, an hour early and waited for her there.

YN on the other hand has been very anxious the entire flight. Especially because she was clearly sandwiched between two of Harry's fans. And she's hundred percent shre that there are more in the front and the back row. Yes, no one has really seen her face but it still made her anxious, especially hearing those girls talking about how stupid it was that Harry wrote an Album about his ex (or exes in speculation) with his alleged girlfriend. How none of them would allow that to happen if their boyfriend were to write song about his past relationships with them.

His fans have been nothing but kind to her, online, or that she hasn't come around the hate yet. Her algorithm loved her enough to not show her any hate, but only the sweet things his fans were tweeting about her the day Harry's appearance on Graham Norton show aired. None of them took sneaky pictures of her, or tried to harras her or anything like that. Even the fans who'd visit her cafe are nothing but little sweethearts.

But YN slept through it when those girls finally stopped talking. She was still going be jetlagged for sure.

Half an hour before the flight one of the girl noticed that YN was wearing one of Harry's old merch. It was an old hoodie he gave her before leaving for his US tour, she loved how worn out and loved the fabric felt against her body. And as stupid and naïve it sounds, she wore it to bed every night because it made her feel that he's next to her. It's been a two weeks over a month since his tour began.

"Oh my god, Hi!" The blonde chirped, "are you going to see Harry too?"

YN took off her earphones even though she had nothing playing that moment, "I, uh, yeah." She nodded hesitantly.

"Awesome! Are in the pit? Or the balcony? We can all go together!" She went on.

"I, ehm, I am at the very back." YN lied, Harry would probably have her stand in the pit or the family section in the balcony if there was any.

"Oh the nosebleeds!" The girl with red dyed hair exclaimed as if she felt bad for her, Did you got last in the Ticketmaster list?"

"Oh, yeah!" YN nodded trying to be as confident as possible.

And that was that for their interaction on the flight. She waited for the crowd to get off first before she grabbed her carry on bag and walked around herself. She called Harry to let him know that she'd landed safely and would be taking a cab to his LA house.

"Hey," she said a little suspiciously as he answered her call in the first ring.

"Hello, my sweet girl!" He exclaimed, "I'm waiting for you out side come on out."

He already knew she landed? Well, of course she called him!

"Are you here to pick me?" She chuckled.

"Yes, it would've been very rude of me to let my girl take a cab when I can drive her myself." His voice always sounded extra deep and raspy on the call.

"Well, you didn't had to. You know your fans are flying in from all over the world. There were a few on the flight. I don't want you to be bombarded by people this early in the morning." She ranted, waiting for her suitcase impatiently. The more she heard him talk, the more she wanted to hug him.

"I don't mind, now come on out so I can kiss you!" he whined through the phone.

"Just getting my suitcase," she finally saw the yellow suitcase she bought last minute on the conveyor belt. "Five minutes." She hung up the call and walked out to the exit. Not exactly knowing how to navigate her way out she just following the people she saw pn her flight, she'll surely find a way out of the airport.

And she did and immediately spotted Harry talking to a few people, he held his phone in his hand. Dressed his grey hoodie and black bikers shorts with his red shoes he often wears to gym. He was smiling as he talked to the girls who were on the plan with her, his dimples denting deep in his cheeks but not enough to make the crinkles appeare by his eyes. He just waved them bye before the girls left him alone.

YN knew he was going to bump into them.

He rushed towards the exit when he finally saw his girl walking out, rolling the yellow suitcase. Beaming he pulled her right in his arms in a tight embrace.

"Hey you!" She chuckled, wrapping her own arms around his neck.

"Hey you," he mumbled back pulling away just enough to look at her, he pressed his mouth on hers in a tender kiss. "I missed you!" He hugged her again.

"I missed you so much!" She reciprocated, her voice sounded more watery to her surprise.

It would be a lie to say she wasn't having a hard time coping around now that he's back in tour. Especially since her parents got to know about them, they've been giving her a hard time. Plus the things she heard on the flight have been getting to her slowly.

"Baby are you crying?" He cooed, rubbing her back, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just missed tou so much!" She mumbled now not even trying to hold back the crying weight in her voice.

"It's okay, we're together now baby." He assured her, "you want to go to our hotel now, hm?"

"Mhmm." She agreed. He kissed her cheek before reluctantly pulling away from the embrace. He took both her bags and had her tucked under his arm as he walked them both to his car. He plopped the bags in the back seat before he opened the door for her, that's when he saw her crying.

"Did you miss me this much?" He teased her, reaching to wipe her tears with the pads of his thumbs. "I'm not going anywhere, coming right back home to you!"

"I know." She whined sheepishly.

"I love you." He smiled.

"I love you." She leaned into his touch. He gave her another kiss on the forehead before he opened the door for her to the passenger seat and drive to his hotel.

Harry knows she doesn't cry, unless she's watching Brave or any other Disney or a Marvel movie. He is jealous how she deals situations under pressure calmly. So seeing her in tears today made his heart sink to his stomach. Yeah, there is not always happy times and laughs and giggles, it's just rare to see her cry that all.

If he sits down to tally the times there have crying times out of being overwhelmed, he'd be the one winning. And never once did she made him feel bad for having his breakdowns.

"How was your flight baby?" He asked.

"It was good." She nodded.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," she nodded again chuckling, "I'm just tired."

"How about we take a nice warm bath before breakfast?" He suggested, "Sarah is excited to see you tonight."

"She texted me before I got on the flight to have a safe flight." YN smiled, "I can't wait to see her either!" Her and Sarah have become best friends from the first few times they met, especially through the writing sessions for Harry's House.

"What about me, aren't you excited to see your boyfriend?" He pouted.

"I see you all the time," she shrugged, "I don't see Sarah that often."

He gasped, "I wasn't crying just five minutes ago!"

"I am just joking Harry," she chuckled, "I missed you a lot!" She grabbed his free hand lacing their fingers together.

"And I missed you too." He beamed.

Today is Harry's day off. He usually goes out golfing or do some outdoor activities. But he was going to spend it with his girl inside today, doing all the indoor activities. He ran them both a nice warm bath right after their little love making session in the bathroom. He'd come to figure that warm baths help her loosen up, especially after a stressful day, not just physically for her arthritis but also mentally. She has told him that, plus it was as cold in New York as it was in London. And later bundle up in bed under the blanket.

"Do you want to go somewhere later today?" He asked just to be sure he's not holding her back. It's her first time in the city.

"Not today but, I want to Central Park though." YN shared, leaning into as he wrapped her up in his arms in a blanket burrito they're both now.

"We can go there the day after tomorrow, yeah?" He suggested, earning a quiet hum from her. "You never told me what happened on the flight?"

"I told you, it was good." She shared. That made him lift his head back to glare at her with squinted eyes. "Okay, it wasn't but I don't want to complain about it!"

"Don't, just share it with me." He shrugged, simply. It was that dimple?

"There were some girls sitting next to me, talking about how stupid it is that you wrote the album about your past relationships with your girlfriend, and how none of them would let that happen with them. I mean, write songs with their boyfriend about their ex and shit. It's okay, though." She explained, feeling stupid to talk about this. "And they saw me wearing your hoodie and asked if I was going to your concert and stuff. I said yes, they said I should join them but I told them I am at the very back."

"Did they not recognise you?" He was actually surprised because just when YN boarded her flight the little Behind The Album was released on his YouTube and she is in it, as they're writing Love Of My Life in the studio.

"No," she shook her head. And honestly she's glad they didn't recognise her because she really felt unsafe for many reasons in that setting.

"Oh baby, please don't let it get to you, hm?" He cooed to her, "I know it's the worst thing, but not everyone is gonna like us, or be happy because we are together. I am sorry you had to sit through all that, and it's really not stupid that we made an Album together which is now nominated for Grammys!"

"I know, I know, really didn't meant to cry like that. I've been really overwhelmed lately that's all."

"It's okay to cry, you tell me all the time!" He chuckled softly seeing the soft pout on her lips, "I think this album is the best thing which has happened to me because I got to know you so much more. And I've got you all to myself now!"

"I should say that." Her cheeks heated up hearing him say that.

Both of them knew what each and every song on the album meant. Some were written for his second album which Harry talked to her about. Some they wrote together, some he wrote for her (few of which never made it to the album and were just for both of them).

"No, I feel very lucky and honoured that you're letting me be a part of your life, my love." His hand went up to cup her little chubby cheek, fingers resting just below her ear, "I want to spend the rest of my days with you... And nights."

"I love you so much, Harry!" That made emotional all over again, "I think I'm gonna start my period."

He giggled, "I love you so much more, my sweet girl!" She gave him a firm kiss on his mouth. The door bell rang interrupting their moment.

It was their breakfast. They had breakfast in bed and watched YN's favourite movie all time, Matilda.

......................................................................

The very next day, YN accompanied Harry to the sound check.

Harry sometimes forgets that his girl can chaotic and hyper sometimes. Today, especially she got her a drink from Starbucks with Sarah and forgot to get it decaf, so both of them were on Caffeine high the entire time.

"You're going to hurt yourself!" Harry called for Sarah and YN chasing each other with the electric scooters they found at the venue. His drummer just flipped him off. The pit was completely empty.

"Don't be a party pooper!" Even Naomi joined them both.

"Where are you getting these scooters from?" Harry was confused, he propped his mic back on the stand and walked down the stage with Pauli, who got his hands on the last scooter. "Hey, I want one too!"

"No!" YN zoomed past him.

"Share it with me!" He started running after her, obviously she's on a scooter but he caught her, making her scooter come to an hault.

"Alright, get on." She offered. He stepped on the scooter behind her.

"You're going too fast!" He squealed, scared they might crash or fall down.

"You wanted to share," she reminded him. They circled around the stage in the pit for next fifteen minutes, before Harry felt like he was going to throw up. Lloyd was there taking their pictures, Harry's gonna ask for all of the pictures with his girl. They all calmed down eventually and just walked around a little, helping the crew place little posters and Boas on the seats for the fans in the balcony.

"I never imagined it to be that big!" YN pointed out the banner with her boyfriend's name and his achievement on it hanging in the venue. It was his first time playing back in Maddison Square Garden after the banner was installed.

"Yeah, it's quite surreal." Harry commented, glancing up at the banner.

They went back to his dressing room. It was very zen in the room. A sofa which goes everywhere with Harry on the tour, and few pillows, one of which was YN's he took from her flat the first time he left for tour after they started dating. He said it was like taking a piece of her with him.

A blue humidifier on the coffee table, a wheeled closet get wide open with a bunch of patterned and leather pants and T-shirts, sets of jackets and vest suits with his Gucci shoes. Harry Lambert was helping him put together an outfit for tonight.

"What do you think baby?" Harry asked, holding up brown leather pants and a yellow T-shirt with brown polka dots on it. YN didn't liked it to say the least, but she didn't know how to tell him.

"Baby doesn't like it." Lambert commented already getting to pick another fit, making her laugh.

"I like the green and brown jacket and pants." She pointed out.

"Don't feel like being half naked today." Harry giggled. "Do you want to help?"

"Mhmm." YN helped her boyfriend pick an outfit, Lambert left them to themselves. She picked a blue shirt with a red heart in the middle and matching baby blue leather pants. "This is so cute!"

"Yeah, you want one?" He asked her admiring the teddy on of the shirts from his Gucci collection.

"Hah! It's too expensive."

"Who said we have to pay for it?" He shrugged, "I'll ask Lamby to get you one tomorrow."

"No you won't." She warned him, "anyway, are you going to wear this?"

"Yeah," he nodded in agreement, to wear the blue outfit she picked for him.

"Watch your fans praise you the fit." She grinned proudly. He just shakes his head as he shut the door to change up, he stripped down to his boxers. Even she likes to grill him on his new outfits for the shows with his fans. It's all jokes.

"Are you still coming to the Grammy's with me, love?" He asked, now getting dressed he caught her taking sneaky pictures of him in just his leather pants, "why don't you ask me to pose for you?" He posed for her with his hands on his hips all his tattoos on show with hickeys she left just this morning on his neck and collar bones, making her giggle.

"I'm gonna put it on my wallpaper." She announced.

"It's only fair if I get to have your topless picture of you on my wallpaper." He smirked, pulling off the shirt from it's hanger and pull it over his head. She scoffed.

"Ehm, no?"

"Ehm, yes!" He challenged her, rushing towards her he attacked her with tickles.

"Harry stop!" She squealed, squirming under his touch.

"Come on lemme have a little glance." He teased as his finger tips dug in her sides gently.

"No, you had a glance this morning." She laughed with her eyes shit closed, out of breath already. Harry felt pitty and stopped beaming at her. "You're annoying!" She laughed still recovering from a tickle attack, she found him basically straddling her thighs.

"Am I?" He pouted, "but you still love me."

"Mhmm." She lets out a sigh.

"Gimme a kiss now." He demanded already leaning towards her with her face cupped between his hands, he pressed a soft kiss on her mouth. "You're cold." He commented.

"Yeah, you've got the AC on blast." She reminded him.

"I'm sorry, I'll turn it off." He got up from literally hovering her to reach for the remote to turn the air condition off for her. He fetched her jumper for her. "This dress really looks pretty on you baby." He pointed out for the fifth time today.

Harry hardly sees her in dresses, because most of the time she's at work and it's not very comfortable for her to move around in dress while working. So as cliche as it sounds he really loves it when she wear dresses. And she's been going off about the dress she's got on now since she found it at a thrift store she went to just before she came to New York.

"You told me that already Harry," she looked down at her dress, her cheeks turning flush as her palms smooth over the fabric covering her form. He remembered she did the exact same thing when he went to pick her up for their first date and he complimented the jumper she was wearing.

The knock on the door caught their attention.

"You're cute." He pecked her forehead quickly before he went to answer the door. It was Sarah.

"YN, would you mind helping me with my hair? Naomi is helping Elin and we have to be on stage in twenty." She said and glanced at Harry, "can I steal her for a moment please?"

"You've already stole her!" He scoffed jokingly, his faux-upset face was hilariously adorable.

"I'll be there, Sarah." YN nodded, the brunette gave her a thumbs up before she walked back to her green room. "You have to be in the box, get your mic transmitter on."

"Oh yeah," Harry realised he still had to do his hair, put on his rings and get his mic transmitter fixed on him. "I'll see you out, okay?"

"Mhmm." She nodded, leaning forward to ask for a kiss with pouty lips and kitten eyes. Honestly she didn't wanted to leave his side but she also promised her friend to help her.

"You'll have me tonight, and tomorrow, darling." He assured her, of course giving her the kiss she was silently begging for, "go help her now, hm?" He's got a premier of his new Marvel movie and she was going to be date tomorrow night.

"Yeah," she nodded making her way out.

"Oh wait, wear this. Don't want you getting sick." He fetched her jumper again, "it's gonna be cold at back."

......................................................................

"Be careful." Harry's guard warned him but it was too late he hit his head on the box.

"You okay?" YN rushed towards him.

"Yeah, yeah don't worry." He laughed as he didn't hurt himself at all.

"Best of luck." YN smiled blowing him a little kiss before he was being rolled in the box to the stage as the band was already on the stage. She followed Jeffery and Glenn outside. Harry was on the stage in no time.

Already three songs in, his fans started to notice YN in the pit with Glenn beside her. She was already feeling the cameras and eyes on her.

"Do you want to go get a drink?" Glenn offered already seeing her anxious.

"Mhmm." She nodded and followed her to go get drinks. Now that put her to ease, Harry was reading a few signs and talking to fans all the attention was on him, as it should be.

"The next song is really, really special. Wrote it with three of my best friends, Miss YN..." Harry started making the crowd scream he chuckled upon mention of her name, "yeah, let's have a cheer for her!" He hyped the crowd, "and I also wrote this song with Tom and Tyler. If you know the words to this one please do join!"

He started with As It Was, as always it was a blast of a song to play. YN noticed few girls walking upto the barricade by the back of the where she was stood along with Harry's friends, the same girls who were on the flight with her talking shit about her relationship like they know it inside out first hand. It made her heart beating like a race horse. Jeffery approached the girls, it looked like they said they wanted to talk to her because he called her over.

"Oh my god, Hi!" The blonde girl greeted her the same way she did on the flight, "I literally had no idea you were The YN! You were literally so sweet, we just wanted to say Hi."

"Oh hello," YN smiled, "thank you so much, you're so sweet!" Her experience working at a cafe came handy in moments like these.

"You know them?" Jeffery asked.

"We were on the flight together," YN shared.

"Yeah, please tell Harry we said we love him!" The brunette said to Harry's manager.

"Sure will." Jeffery smiled and escorted YN back to where everyone was stood.

As much as people might hate this man, he's grown to be a good friend of YN. He's protective of her like an older brother. Like the way her own brother was never protective of her. And she respects Jeffery so much for that. He has been nothing but sweet and kind to her since the day Harry decided he wanted to take her around his friends, who definitely were so much different than her. Never once anyone made her feel small about her, or talk bad or even judge her when she told them what did for living. Unlike her own family she was born and brought up in.

YN loved everyone, especially Sarah! She's like the sweetest little being YN has come across in years!

Through out the show, more of Harry's fans came over to talk to her. Some even asked for pictures to which she politely declined to because she did not felt comfortable enough. There were just couple of people who looked at her weird but all of them were nothing but respectful towards her. Many were filming her. Especially when Harry sang Matilda and she was crying as Glenn hugged her warmly, she wasn't the only one crying there. Even Harry was teary eyed at some point. But YN had a great time, dancing and jamming to her boyfriend putting on one of his best shows. He was extra happy today because she was there, he said to her before he got on the stage. He even performed Kiwi twice, it was the last show of the tour anyway.

At the end, YN followed Harry's body guard out to where his car was waiting for him before Harry ran down the stairs. He had his mic transmitter removed and handed over to the technician.

"Did you enjoyed the show?" Be asked, opened the car door for her to the passenger side.

"I did," she nodded and got in, "thank you." He kissed her cheek before he'd shut the door and run to the driver's side.

"Well, I did my best!" He grinned making her smile too. She looked more exhausted as he had adrenaline pumping through.

"I think I started my period." She shared with a sheepish smile on her face, she haven't got any period products on her, not even at the hotel.

"Did you wanted to use the restroom back at the venue?" He asked, worried that he'd dragged her with him.

"No, I, I don't have pads on me." She mumbled but he heard her.

"Okay, we'll drive to the store first." He announced making a turn. "Did you not get any with you?"

"I forgot to pack some with me."

"That's okay, we'll get you some." He assured her. "Do you need the pain medication too?"

"Mhmm." She nodded. He parked by the nearest convenient store.

"Let's get icecream too." He suggested, walking both of them to the frozen food aisle. He picked out her favourite flavour and few of her other favourite snacks, before they both headed to the til and head back to their hotel.

......................................................................

The very next morning, Harry ordered breakfast in. He waited for her to get off the phone with her mum.

He have noticed her family's been after her since the day they visited to see her grandma. Yeah, her family doesn't approve of Harry.

It was like he got hit in face with a bucket of ice water when he was so upset why his girlfriend didn't wanted him to meet her family.

Whilst her grandma didn't care, well, she was sick so why would she, her parents were not impressed by her choice of man to be with. Her parents have been bugging her to go move back in with them because it isn't really appropriate for girls to live alone when they're not married. Bullshit, he called it.

That's the reason why YN moved to Hampstead with Brielle and her mum making an excuse of wanting to go to a different school at 16, and she never went back. It didn't seem problematic to Harry until she told him she have been living away from her parents since highschool. But she makes it seem like it's not a big deal.

Apparently YN even had to lie about her degree until the day she graduated, her parents thought she was getting a law degree this whole time along with Brielle.

They even thought she was making up excuses and lying about her chronic pain to avoid dance classes for the longest. Which was the hardest one to swallow. It made sense to him why she didn't wanted to dump all of this on him at the very beginning of their relationship.

Whilst her older brother, Asher, seemed the most understanding one, he was also the only person who was nice to Harry. They actually sat down after breakfast at YN's parents' with tea and had a nice chat. Her little Niece and Nephews were making a chaos in the backyard though.

"I apologise for anything our parents say to you, Harry." Asher began when they sat down.

"No, why are you apologising?" Harry was genuinely confused for a bit there.

"I talked to them after YN told me about you two dating, least to say they have been bickering with her to move back in." The brown eyed man said, "they have their many reasons, one of which you're closer to age to me than you're to her. But I don't see any problem there she's a grown up, and you really make her happy I've figured."

"I see," Harry nodded, letting it all sink in. He really makes her happy? That really warmed his heart. Yeah, he is quite a bit older than YN but he is younger than her brother but she doesn't see a problem with that, that's all that matters to him.

"Just don't pay a mind to them, they fear YN anyway." Asher smiled. And they went on to talk about careers and stuff for the time being. "I apologised because you're going to be my future brother-in-law. Right?"

Harry smiled at the thought, "In future, yeah! But please, treat me as your friend."

And yes, her parents did talk shit about him. But not to his face, they were being petty nice to him. No wonder why YN didn't wanted to stay at theirs for even one night. It wasn't as bad as his subconscious made it out to be though.

"Hey, what happened?" He cooed watching YN throw her phone on their hotel bed. "C'mere, my love." Grabbing a gentle hold of her hand he made her sit on his lap, tears brimmed in her eyes.

"Same old, same old." She sighed leaning into him.

"It's okay, love." He assured her, "just don't pay a mind to them. You're happy, aren't you?"

"Very!" She affirmed.

"That's all should matter." He smiled a dimply grin at her. "Is there anything else she said?"

"She was reminding me how you're gonna leave me."

"Never gonna do that, you know that right?" He rushed, "it's gonna take a lot to get rid of me, baby girl."

"Oh don't call me that!" She scolded him whining. "I'm not planning to get rid of you, ever!"

"Good." He smiled, "don't cry my love!"

"I just want them to stop and just leave me alone for gods sake!" The lump of a cry in her throat was starting to hurt the more she tried to hold it back, "they can't let me be happy for once. They're being so disrespectful towards you, towards me, towards us. That's not fair!"

"I know baby that not." He cooed, his voice soft and low, "I don't care what they think about me anymore, all I care about you and what we have. They talk all the bad stuff they want, doesn't matter to me. We know what have is right, special and sacred to us. And most importantly I love you too much to even care about what people have to say. I've said this before, not everyone in this world is gonna like us. But that's okay. We can still co-exist with peace. They're your parents and it's gonna be hard to cut them off- if that's what you want, I'm never gonna suggest that. But I want you to know that I'll be there with you to support you through everything, because I care for you and I love you."

"I love you too!" She sobbed hugging him tightly, "you're making me cry!"

"It's alright." He lets outs soft and quiet breath of a laugh. "You can cry and let it all out." She felt take in a deep breath, "not don't you dare blame it on your period."

"I wasn't!" She pouted, he smiled and pressed a sweet kiss on her tear soaked cheek.

"Do you wanna eat? Our breakfast is getting cold, do you want to eat now?" Swiping off tears from her face he peppered her with many more little pecks.

"Mhmm, I'm hungry."

"That's my baby" With a pat on her bum he urged her up so they can both go and sit at the table to eat. "Got your favourite."

Later in the morning, Lambert came over with Harry's fit and to YN's surprise, a dress for her too. Apparently Harry had Alessandro make a custom dress for her but it wasn't done on time, So Mr. Lamby went on a little shopping spree, he got YN a red blouse with puffy sleeves made of a flowy fabric and a pair of black pants with black loafers to go with it.

"Harry, why did you-" YN looked Lambert Interrupting herself.

"I charged it on Harry's card, don't you worry love." Lambert assured her which made her glare at her boyfriend.

"Haz, why? I already got an outfit." She turned to her boyfriend who was very confused on whether he should wear a undershirt or a tank top underneath his blazer.

"Baby it's okay. I wanted to match!" He whined. He'd got a red and gold suit custom made for himself to fit for his movie character, Eros. "Please wear it? For me, please!"

"I think you should YN," Lambert suggested, "you'll look amazing in this."

"Okay." She agreed because she has got no other choice, or she'd be making her boyfriend upset. She changed into the clothes Lambert got her. Harry was already dressed, he did his own hair and put on some concealer under his eyes and on little spots like all of the make up artists he's had over the years did. All he needed was to put on his blazer.

"Harry?"

"Hmm?" He sounded, buttoning his cuffs.

"I don't - would you mind braiding my hair?" She asked.

"Don't you want to style them baby?" He walked in the bathroom where she was.

"Well, I have never tried to before so I don't know." She shrugged, looking at him through the mirror. He looked perfect with his red pants on a gold, glittery shirt.

"Hmm, do you want to style your hair or wear it in a braid?" He asked.

"I don't know."

"Then just wear it as it is, you look pretty with whatever." He smirked a cheeky smile.

"No, but wouldn't it be too weird? My hair is all weird and half wavy and half straight." She pointed out.

"That okay."

"It's not. For me." She pouted, "suggest me something else please!"

"Okay, lemme help you curl them then, have a seat." He gestured her to sit on the closed toilet seat. Brought out the hair straightener he keeps with him and some heat protecting products. "We've got an hour left till we leave." He announced. It was enough time.

Now he's seen his sister and mum do this all the time growing up, even his past partners and even friends. So it was a second nature cor him to curl her hair which fell down to waves almost immediately, her hair was completely opposite of his.

"Don't burn my hair, Haz, please!" She requested as he got to the second to last strand of hair and she started seeing smoke coming out of the hair iron.

"Don't worry baby, it's not your hair." Be assured her, "it's the product I put in your hair."

"I am still scared!" She cringed hearing the little clicking sounds of her hair falling down from the flat iron in her ear.

"All the more pretty." He commented, "look." He urged her up so she can take a look at his masterpiece. It really did looked good. No wonder he's so good at doing his own hair. All she has been doing is wearing her hair in a simple, boring braid her whole life. Who knew a few waves in her hair would make her all that more confident in herself. "You like it?"

"I love it!" She beamed at him through the mirror.

"It's not done yet." He warned her, grabbing the hair spray he got into the hairdresser action. Fluffing up the waves as he prayed in the product. "Now it's done!"

"Oh my god, thank you Harry!" She exclaimed, "I don't think I can afford to pay you though."

He shrugged, "I'll take my payment in kisses tonight." With that a gentle peck was placed on her red painted lip. "It's good to keep your payment options versatile when it's your girlfriend."

"Mhmm, I see." She nodded mumbling against his mouth, "do I get a discount?"

"We'll negotiate it later." He was rewarded with another kiss.

......................................................................

"We see that Angelina Jolie brought her kids, Gemma Chan brought her sister with her as her date, who does Harry Styles have with him?" The interviewer asked, who obviously saw his brief interraction with his girl who was stood with Jeffery for the time being. "Did you bring your wife with you?"

"Yeah," he admitted not even trying to correct the lady there, that was going to be true in very near future. His fans can have a field day with this information if they like. "Yeah, she did came with me." He did not hesitate to glance at his girl fangirling over Gemma in the corner next to Jeffery. She's gonna have a field day when she finally gets to meet Angelina later.

Luckily the interviewer moved on to talk about the movie with him. He moved on to the next person, who also asked about YN but refered to her as his girlfriend which he didn't bother to comment on either. He was having with Interviews today, especially when the third and last one called YN his Fiancé. Alas, he got to be reunited with his girl.

He was away from her for three hours okay!

That's far too long. He had to leave from the hotel alone unless he wanted to walk the red carpet with YN, he would if she felt comfortable enough with it. He didn't force her and let her go with Jeffery.

It was one of the best evenings he's had in a long time. His girlfriend really enjoyed the movie sat next to him in the cinema hall. It really warmed his heart.

YN also got along with Gemma Chan so well they even exchanged numbers and Instagrams. Gemma promised YN that she'll let her know whenever she's in town to visit her cafe. Well, least to say YN almost passed out fangirling the moment Gemma moved on to talk to others.

"Oh my god, she's real!" YN exclaimed looking at her boyfriend who was giggling.

"I know." He nodded, "you're enjoying your time so far, baby?"

"Very!" She agreed without any hesitation. There was little dinner after words which she enjoyed as well.

......................................................................

It was the next morning and least to say, his fans were going crazy online, according to Jeffery.

But they still went out like he promised her before they flew back home. They went to the Central Park and the Zoo, did all the touristy stuff for her. It was pretty crowded there but not enough to suffocate you.

"Mommy!" A little high pitched voice crying was audible in the loud crowd of people moving around. It caught YN's attention.

"Did you hear that?" YN asked Harry, finally saw the little head of brown hair. Harry was confused at the little four year old didn't hesitate to run to his girlfriend and wrap her arms around her legs.

"Find my mommy please!" She cried.

YN seemed more calm to him than he thinks she in from the inside, and as confused as she was. Harry had no idea how they're gonna find this kid's mother who is clinging onto his girlfriend. He wanted to help her.

"Hey, it's okay little dove." YN assured her crouching to match her height, "don't cry. What's your name?"

"Emma." The little girl let out a soft sob.

"Okay Emma, we're going to find your Mummy." She assured the little girl. "Okay, ehmm..." She looked at Harry who was crouched by the little girl too. She seemed scared of his for some reason and moved closer to YN, "No, it's okay. You want some water?"

"Mhmm." Emma nodded and took the bottle from YN.

"Do you know your Mummy's phone number, we can call to her on?" She asked.

"Baby she looks to be about four." Harry reminded her.

"Kids now a days know their parents' number." YN said and looked back at the little girl. She had a little Mickey Mouse purse on her which YN checked and found a tiny note pad in, with a number. "Look, we'll call your Mummy okay? Don't cry now, hmm?" She held the little girl close to her and called her mother from her phone. Who came over to pick her daughter in no time, all frantic.

The lady had two more kids with her, no wonder why she lost one. But she was thanking YN hysterically crying, before they left.

"How did you know that?" Harry was surprised.

"You know my cafe is closer to two schools, and we surve out doors too. Well, we've had many stressed out and burnt out parents almost forgetting their kids there." She shared, "luckily all the little kids I've dealt with were in their school uniform and had their parents contact on their school IDs. Emma luckily had the little note pad on her, or else I was about to go to every corner and find her mother."

"Awh! You're so sweet baby!" He cooed, a breath of a giggle sounding through his chest as he pulled her in a hug.

"Just traumatised." She shrugged, "even I got lost when I was like five when my mum was picking me up from school."

"No, how?" He never thought she'd be the one to get lost as a kid, it's not something to think about. But she drives without a GPS which says a lot.

"It was back when we lived in India. My school was in a like a huge campus, so there was a huge rush and I didn't liked to hold my mum's had whilst walking." She smiled sheepishly, "so I ran back to my teacher in school and she called my mum there." He laughed at the story. It was adorable how she was smart enough to run back to her school and ask her teacher for help.

"You're a smart one," he booped her nose with his pointer finger, having her tucked under his arm as they made their way out of the zoo. Harry did spied a few cameras around which annoyed the shit out of him but he was successful enough to conceal his frustration. They went to eat and back to hotel as YN started feel her cramps kicking back in.

......................................................................

Twitter

Harrysleftshoe SHUT UP! HARRY IS MARRIED?!?!! WHEN DID THAT HAPPENED???

Replies

User1 wtf? When did that happen???

User2 He literally chose to not correct the interviewer. That's so harry of him.

User3 Nour! The other one call his partner his Fiancé and he didn't say anything! 😭

User4 He's so sick in the head for not telling us anything.

User5 He's so for real for this. Harry literally tell your fans nothing! We love your girlie no matter what!

User6 So you're telling me he secretly got married? 🥺

User7 Awww I'm so happy for him!!!

User8 He's gay! Get over it!

User9 It's a PR stunt. Get over it!

User10 User9 Literally, how it is a PR stunt when we don't even know her name yet? She's not famous!

User11 No, he's so cheeky. But his girl is so pretty 🥺 I wanna hug her and apologise for all the hate comments she gets

User12 SHE'S SO FUCKING GORGEOUS! HARRY YOU'RE ONE LUCKY MF

User13 Nah! This can't be real. Remember he said, what we see is just work? Yeah, it's clearly a PR

User14 User13 literally stfu. What have we seen. He's talked about her all for two times and they've been together for almost three years. Go get a fucking job!

User15 This makes me so happy!

IndianHarrie Y'all know that it's gonna big fat brown wedding. If he got married we'd know. So calm your tits! He just doesn't want to talk about his relationship!

User17 For real! If he talks about her, it's a PR. When he didn't talk about her, he was embarrassed of her. Get a grip for fucks sake!

User18 Wait, I've seen this man at the Central Park zoo the other day. My daughter got lost in the crowd and his wife helped her find me. They're both literally the sweetest. God bless the lovely couple with eternal love and abundance of joy! I don't know why people are hating on such a sweet girl.

User19 User18 Omg! They're so sweet for doing that.

User20 This man is such a good secret keeper. I love him!

User21 Anygays, you know what is today's date? 👀

User22 User21 *a GIF of Harry saying 'Shut up!'*

User23 He was way better with Kendall.

User24 User23 Ew! Stop, don't compare his current girlfriend to that. 🤢

User25 User24 Why are being a hater? You don't have to be so mean, Kendall is a human too!

User26 User25 Yeah she is, a shitty one to be more specific.

User27 Anyway, he wrote a whole album for Camille and more songs about her are on Harry's House which he wrote with her. Haha! I would be so pissed if my boyfriend did that. She's not his type anyway.

User28 Y'all seriously need to leave Harry and his girl alone. Y'all literally ship him with every white, blonde older woman he's pictured with but he admits to be dating someone who's a POC. Y'all are fucking racists!

User29 We 👏 Stand 👏 with 👏 Harry's 👏 girl 👏

User30 See this shows how y'alls feeling for Harry is not real, when y'all are not ready to support him when he's actually happy. He has been looking the healthiest since we have literally known him! Get a fucking life.

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[stikybug]

The polycule brainrot is so strong.

I need to put some of these ideas down but i don't like making things pretty so this is just a braindump . All under cut to not clog

Stealing clothes between them would be so so so common. Mc is a menace and has 6 oversized shirts she totally swears are hers. Only one is

Second biggest offender is Ayn when staying at home , Alkaid stares at him for 5 minutes straight when he sees his missing sweater matched with cat earphones

It's so cute a photo was sent to the gc, obviously

They start sleeping at the sameish time, it's such a perfect excuse to go over to their cute partners and be tender before bed how could they not?

Because of this, Mc, Lars, and Ayns' shitty sleep schedule gets fixed

Cael isn't around so much but you know they get weekly texts from him that says the sweetest things ever

Lars pampers his stunning partners so well when he's finally free, candlelit dinners, gifts in the droves for all of them, even arranging so the place is basically empty when they get there since most of them don't like crowds

All of them are banned from playing ludo. This is final after the incident

Since Cael was officially the last one to get in Clarence planned a whole thing that was a celebration of him getting out of denial phase. And the announcement he also had a plus of four boyfriends

Confusion did not even begin to describe the expression the man had

Sometimes if people are nosy Ayn would start talking about different partners in the same conversation

"Oh you know my boyfriend's really cute with those doe-eyes"

"BOYFRIEND?"

"Yes, anyway my girlfriend the other day gave me this-"

Chaos ensues.

He doesn't care about the rumors though. He's noticed how his playing changed ever so slightly when thinking about his partners. In the span of a week after this noticeable change he found himself writing 5 different pieces for them.

He gives them the pieces by the time of their anniversary, mentioning he'd even play it for them if they wanted.

A private concert happened that day, it didn't need to be recorded to be engraved into their memories.

A while after that, the little painter and Emerald both released pieces that felt like they were overflowing with love and other warm sentiments.

Alkaid sends photos of the sky every time an observation night comes up in the astronomy department. He makes notes about which constellations remind him of his partners the most.

Obviously if any of them point a photo out or say one is pretty it's going to be printed out in the universal imaging studio

The starry photos are all probably framed and hung on a wall somewhere. Ayn has them in his hideout, Lars has the images upsized and on full display in his home, Clarence has one particularly sentimental one on the desk of the student council office, Cael has it as his phone background so he could see it wherever he went, and MC has it in her studio, always up to give her a boost of inspiration when she needed it.

William almost has a heart-attack every morning since Clarence has been looking the giddiest he's ever been since he and MC started dating.

He figures it out since Clarence is just so obvious. He's had the same reaction to two students that he has with the little painter. The way that his eyes light up whenever Ayn 'just so happens' to need to go to the student council so many times? And their conversations meander and flow too slowly for this to even be about their original topic anymore.

Or how he manages to write up an excuse to 'supervise' the Astronomy Department's viewing nights most of the time when he felt no need to previously, always found near Alkaid most of the time.

If one were to sneak a peek at his diary, it would probably contain paragraphs upon paragraphs of how pretty his partners were and things they did or things he saw that reminded him of them.

Cael was the most cautious about this entire arrangement. While he cared about her he had no idea if it would even be possible for him to catch feelings for the rest of them.

Unfortunately, the little painter has exceptional taste.

It was different for each of them, but it ended back in the same giant mess he has been dealing with for the past few months: He's so very attached to all of these charming men that he's caught himself blushing at the thought of them.

And these feelings came with the problems of someone like him developing such deep fondness for someone. The danger and chance of discovery he would give not just to the little painter, but the paragons of this world.

When he brings this concern up he's very lovingly shown how stupid he is by the sheer willingness of his boyfriends to love him despite knowing all of this.

Maybe this would be alright. They have each other no matter what afterall.

[mikrokcsmos]

My Universe

synopsis; in which you get lost and Yoongi finds you.

pairing; idol!min yoongi x non-idol!reader

genre; angst, fluff, airport au

rating; PG-13

warnings; minor cursing (nothing explicit), reader has a minor panic attack, overprotective suga baby, we love a caring and attentive boi

w/c; 2,606

a/n; originally lost this entire draft and it took me three days to gain the energy and drive back to write it all over again from scratch. honestly though, I like this version better. anyways. enjoy, y’all. like/reblog and please leave some love. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOONGI. this is a repost from my old account.

Yoongi hated the flashing lights.

They always blinded his vision and made him see a plethora of stars, the kind that didn’t involve nightly activities between you two, when he saw not only stars, but galaxies. No, these were the ones that didn’t exist to the normal fellow travelers making their way through the airport around him.

He also hated being singled out. Usually the reserved and quiet one within the group, with very few words to say. He’ll admit, he’s been able to loosen up over the years cause he got used to the constant attention, the pushy reporters, the even more personal bubble bursting paparazzi that had no moral boundaries apparently to get one stupid picture of him. Even if you couldn’t see his face, they still went at each other like hungry wolves fighting for the same prey.

It sickened him. But at the same time, he knew it was their way of making a living. So, he allowed it to happen, to an extent, now choosing to mainly ignore them with his head down and earphones in. Thank goodness he has bodyguards to do most of the brunt work with keeping them at bay, so he didn’t look like the bad guy in the situation. All he had to do was swiftly walk in between the hefty men that no one would dare to get close too. Easy peasy. Smiling underneath his black mask, he thought of you, and couldn’t wait to see you.

The only problem was, you weren’t used to the constant attention, you weren’t able to push through the pushy reporters, you weren’t able to keep walking with your eyes being blinded every five seconds by a different camera. Which made you start to get heart palpitations, becoming short of breath.

You were having a panic attack.

I mean, seriously? How were you supposed to know that there was going to be a ridiculous amount of people here to see your boyfriend at nearly, your eyes glanced up at the digital clock displayed above the flight signs, 2:27 in the morning?! You grunted to yourself, your hand pushing through the crowd and surprisingly in between the security surrounding Yoongi. A little detail you also failed to consider in your obvious fool proof plan.

You were so close to Yoongi, you almost grazed the back of his black leather jacket. It was a taller, broad chested, reporter that was holding a video camera that shoved you away just as you were going too. Causing you to finally get pulled into the whirlpool of paparazzi and fans alike that were desperate to gain the rapper’s attention. Like you.

Okay, so this wasn’t your best idea at surprising Yoongi. You’ll admit. The original plan was for him to meet you at the unmarked black SUV that he would be climbing into at the end of his airport journey. Where you could embrace and catch up in private. But this time, you thought you would spice things up a little. Your idea? To surprise him inside the airport, and not tell him you were going to surprise him. Cause, well, then it wouldn’t be a surprise now, would it?

Bad idea. Extremely bad idea. You thought about kneeling down to try and calm yourself, but realized that could end up fatal on your part since it would make you easier to get trampled over by the herd of feet you can hear squeak, click clack and stomp on the shiny, freshly cleaned, tile. It was non-stop.

Your hands clutched the sides of your head as you whimpered, becoming over sensitive from all the constant noise. Bodies continued to brush past you, some more aggressively than most, almost throwing you off balance multiple times. You tried counting back from ten, which normally works, but not this time. You knew you only had one last resort. You had to call Yoongi.

A picture of you lit up the rapper’s phone screen. Simultaneously stopping the music he was currently listening to with his wireless bluetooth headphones and replacing it with the ringtone you picked out for your contact when you called, opting for your couple song. The picture was of you wearing an oversized hoodie that came over your knees with Yoongi’s face on it. You were sitting sideways on the couch with your bare legs curled underneath you in his private studio. One of the many pictures he cherished of you, meant for his eyes only. His heartbeat subconsciously picked up as he got the ceremonious butterflies in his stomach that never fail to appear with anything that involved you.

A monotone voice could be heard over the ringtone announcing your contact name that you gave yourself, Baby Girl 🥵. Giving him the choice of answering it or not by speaking through the headphones. Which he did, in a heartbeat. After snickering at the description of the emoji you chose, sweat emoji, you claiming that you know you always had that affect on him. You were right.

“Hey sweaty.” A quiet chuckle could be heard on his end of the phone, mentally patting himself on the back for the playful jab of your contact name in good humor. He continued talking a mile a minute.

“You would not believe the amount of people that are here so damn early. It’s actually insane. Probably the worst amount of reporters and whatnot in a long time, but I’m almost there and I can’t wait to–“

As the last body brushed against you rather aggressively, it caused you to stumble harshly forward onto the tiled floor, hands catching your fall and knees taking the brunt force of it all. You let out a broken whimper, only catching bits and pieces of Yoongi’s ramblings through the phone that laid a few feet ahead of you on the floor due to your sudden impact. You reached out and clutched it tightly with your fingers, pushing your body up in a semi sitting position, much like the one that can be seen in your contact photo in Yoongi’s phone. One hand flat against the tile, propping your upper body up. Legs curled next to you, sideways. All you wanted to do was cry out of frustration at everything going wrong. So, you did.

Staring down at the rare pearly white smile that beamed at you for your eyes only, used as Yoongi’s contact photo in your phone, only made your watery eyes overflow with tears that streaked down your cheeks in little rivers. Breaths slightly becoming shorter, making you gasp out a sob involuntarily. You quickly put the phone on speaker and set it on the floor in front of you, knowing you wouldn’t have the strength to hold it much longer.

His rambling was abruptly cut off, ears straining to hear what he thought he heard, though it was hard to be sure from all the raucous noise surrounding him. He went to speak again, but stopped himself when he for sure heard your watery gasp through the phone. His smile wiped off his face in an instant, turning to one of worry.

“Baby? Where are you? Are you okay? Are you hurt? What’s wrong?” The questions flew out instinctually, him wanting to solve the situation as fast as possible. He knew you were having a panic attack. He could feel it in his gut as soon as he heard you, having helped you through them in the past.

He stopped his brisk walking pace and stood stock still, nearly making the security guard that was positioned directly behind him, plow into him, before catching his footing in time to avoid his client. He closed his eyes to try and get any clue from your end of the phone when you wouldn’t respond to him. As much as he wanted to freak out, he knew he had to stay the calm one between you two in order to find you before it got worse. He bit his lip in frustration, zoning out the nagging from his security guards to get him to continue on his foot path to the end destination, nearly wanting to let out a cry of his own when he heard it.

The same announcement over the airport loudspeakers that littered every corner of the building he was in, something to do about a travel package to Hawaii, he could hear echo through your side of the phone back at him. Okay, he thought rationally, so you were somewhere within the airport. That much could be certain. Now he needed just a little bit more to figure out where exactly you were located within the huge facility. Maybe…a sign? He thought logically. So, he asked you.

“Sweetie, you think you can read me some sort of sign near you so I can find you and help you? Please? I know it might be hard, but you can do it, baby. I believe in you. You got this.” He asked in his soothing voice he knows can get through to you in your current state of mind. Semi loud so you can hear what he says, but slowly and clearly.

You didn’t respond right away. Shaky and watery eyes immediately surveyed your surroundings in search of some kind of unique sign that could directly implicate your position on this tile floor that seems to get colder by the minute. You could literally feel the many pairs of eyes that walked by you on faces connected to bodies that didn’t even try to reach out and help you in the slightest. What a cruel world we live in, you thought bitterly. Though, you wondered, if you were in their shoes, would you have done any differently? And that thought alone sobered you up immediately. A fresh new set of tears falling down your cheeks in streams now.

There it was, the sign you were looking for. Directly above your head, ironically. It was a picture of a smiling, and blended family, much like your own, you thought with a watery smile. In bright red letters, and a snazzy font, it read ‘Family Doesn’t End With Blood’. You managed to somewhat clearly reiterate the sign you just read to your ever patient boyfriend, hoping and praying to all that is holy that it’ll be enough and you can soon be in the comfort of his arms.

As soon as he heard the words fall out of your mouth he opened his eyes and slowly turned his body in a circle, reading every sign his eyes found hoping that the next one he reads will be the one you just told him.

Bingo.

It wasn’t even that far from where he stood. He immediately pushed through the last throes of the crowd surrounding him, or what remained. It seemed like half splintered off upon getting what they needed from him already. He didn’t even care what the remaining vultures thought of him, or what berating he’ll surely receive from his head of security once they find out he fled them of his own accord. All he cared about was finding you, making sure you were safe, calming you, and holding you in his arms.

It’s like the life you two shared ran through his mind in flashes, like a reel of a film. It spurred him to pump his legs even harder, especially when he noticed the lone figure that half lay beneath the sign. Getting closer he could see how fast your chest rose and fell, the tears that littered your flushed cheeks, and your eyes that widened upon landing on him coming towards you. He could visibly see your body sag in relief, which made his heart flutter knowing he could make you feel so calm in a matter of a look. It was the same way with you, for him.

He slid the last few feet in front of you on his knees. Not wasting any time, he began searching your body for any kind of wounds or minor injuries that could’ve triggered your attack, hands hovering over every bit of your body he examined. He found none, except your hands and knees scraped up a bit. He exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Good. Now to calm you down.

“I’m here, baby. I’m here, and you did so well. I’m so proud of you.” He praised you with a look so full of warmth, you couldn’t help but give a small, shaky smile in response. Feeling like a little kid again, you reached out to him with grabby hands. I need you now. A silent demand.

He encased your body with his arms, and gently pushed your head to lay where his heart is with one hand on the back of your head, the other brought your body impossibly closer than it already was, making you half lay on him now. With him supporting your body weight completely, you slumped into him in pure exhaustion, eyes closing and hands gripping the back of his jacket like you would never see him again after you departed. After a mere 4-5 minutes of listening to his heartbeat, your breathing returned to normal. Your eyes dried up. Your body regained its strength back.

You tried to unwrap yourself from him, but his response was to grip onto you even tighter, not wanting to let you go just yet. So, you let him. Returning the embrace with as much passion as he was. You lost track of how much time passed there on that tile floor, that oddly, didn’t feel as cold anymore.

It wasn’t until the head of Yoongi’s security cleared his throat loudly, did you look up from your position still attached to the rapper. Yoongi didn’t even flinch, making no attempt to acknowledge the man. Which left things in your hands. He stood off to the side of you two with his hands clasped together in front of his stomach, posture rigid, but eyes letting you know that he understood why your boyfriend broke the rules. He nodded at you once making eye contact and tilted his head in the direction of where the car garage was, subtly telling you that you guys needed to get up and it was time to go. Then he left, footsteps receding until you could hear them no more. That’s when you finally managed to get the rapper’s attention.

“Yoongs, can we go home now?” You asked meekly, voice sounding weak due to not getting much use of it for awhile. Your eyes must’ve been puffy for sure. They took the most damage.

You could feel him nod his head in the crook of your neck and reluctantly let you go. Yoongi stood up first, then extended his hand out to you to help you up off the floor. Gripping onto it tightly, you managed to raise yourself back up on your feet. He refused to let go of your hand even after you were up, instead opting to pull you flush to his side. You gave him a small smile of thanks, squeezing his hand, your silent way of saying ‘I love you’ to each other without words. He squeezed your hand back twice. ‘I love you too’. Your other hand finding purpose in the crook of his elbow, holding it gently yet firmly, you leaned into his side.

And then you walked in sync towards the car garage in the now unnaturally calm atmosphere, security once again flanking the both of you now.

Just two lovers wanting nothing more than to collapse into each other in their shared bed, at their shared home, where they can create their own little universe of stars only they could see.

[folklore-girl]

ek ladki bheegi bheegi bhaagi si — a short story

a/n: okok so i tried my best for you @androgynous-pavbhaji <3 since this is your secret santa gift? im so sorry for posting this so late, this was supposed to come out a long time ago.. but ig happy new year? hope you like this!

word count: 0.6k

warning(s): bad writing, cringe dialogues + a shitty asf story in general :( im so so sorry.

raindrops splattered on the sidewalk as i hurriedly made my way to the bus stop, my clothes drenched from the downpour. my hands held up my handbag to shield my head from the rain and to try and deflect some heavy raindrops, but all in vain. for the millionth time, i cursed my stupid self for not carrying an umbrella, even though we were deep in winter, and there was no way I could’ve predicted this. i still should have.

and, to top it all, i was horribly late to my bus.

when i reached the bus stop a thousand years later, my shoes were soaked and my head was in an overdrive. i noticed a guy—probably my age—waiting at the stop too and decided i should probably wipe the mess off my face.

so, i took out my napkin, just to drop it on the ground like an absolute idiot. and as i bent to pick it up, the guy on the right offered me his napkin, in spotless white.

i was scared. not of the guy, but of ruining his napkin by using it. he saw me hesitate and said, “arey, it’s fine. i have spare.”

“pakka?” i asked, uncertainly.

“yup,” he said and i thanked him, smiling.

he smiled back. and i thought, wow. i guess men aren’t all bad, then.

i took the napkin from him and dabbed my face with it gently, still scared to damage it. when i was giving it back, he said “it’s ok, you can keep it.”

“you sure?” i asked again.

“yes!!” he laughed, “it’s alright, you know. i don’t bite.”

“no, but, i’m not used to all this,” i gestured with my hands and his eyebrows rose in confusion. “kindess?” i finished lamely.

“well then, you will be soon,” he winked and i looked away because i was in a loss of words.

meeting a decent man made me feel like i was in some other dimension, some dream where kind strangers were real and not a thing to read in tumblr posts and fawn over.

by now, my heartbeat had slowed down and my breaths were much less frantic, so we talked about our buses.

“oh, me too,” he smiled, “we’re both going to mumbai.”

“that’s nice,” i smiled as the bus approached the stop, “i bet the ride is gonna be fun.”

he smiled, “hopefully.”

we hauled up our luggage and sat in the bus, me in the window seat with him by my side.

we talked for almost the entire ride there, exchanging our names and talking shit about distant relatives (my lord, we had the same type of humour). and when we grew bored of talking, we both decided to do something else. he plugged in his earphones and i found out that i couldn’t find mine anywhere.

i looked out of the window and i could tell it was going to be a long road.

he noticed and offered to share his wired ones. feeling utterly helpless, i gave in.

later, we discovered that our music tastes were very similar and i soon found myself scooting closer to him as we listened to his playlist together.

by the time shuffle lead us to ‘i guess i’m in love’, i knew the feeling burning up in my chest, threatening to spill over. it was beautiful and warm, like sunlight filtering in through the curtains. like the first day of spring, my heart was blooming and after a long time, i felt the butterflies.

but it couldn’t be, could it?

i woke up to the sound of mumma calling my name. i’d fallen asleep with my head in my arms, crossed on the windowsill while rain poured outside and my chai grew colder with each passing minute. right next to it, my phone had just finished playing the song “ek ladki bheegi bhagi si” on my wired earphones and suddenly the surreal scenario in my head made sense.

i guess it was a dream, after all.

xoxo

[cupidjyu]

befriend the kitty

juyeon x reader + request by @i95wvo (thank u for requesting :D)

genre: getting together, strangers to friends to lovers, bad boy x good reader trope, tutoring, kissing, fffluff??? gender neutral reader (pretty is used) notes: actually this is like my first time writing a story where the relationship isn't already established TT so i hope its good. also i did make them hangout a few more times before actually getting together since i felt it awkward that they move so fast LMAO and also juyeon is just too nice to be mean i love him word count: 2.3k

“juyeon’s so annoying,” your friend complained as she sat beside you, moving your books aside despite your protests. you had a test next class and you knew that if you didn’t study now, you wouldn’t get the grade you wanted. 

you took your notebook back and flipped to the page you were just reviewing, ignoring your friend’s words.

“did you not hear me?”

“hear what?” you looked up with a bored expression.

“juyeon’s annoying.”

you glanced up and back to the corner of the classroom where he was currently listening to music through his earphones, dozing off with his head in his hand.

you eyed her weirdly, “ why?”

“well he looks peaceful now, but just earlier, i tried to work with him on a project and he was so quiet and looked like he was glaring at me the entire time…”

you turned back, he was looking at you now. you held your breath and quickly turned back around.

“i don’t know,” you mumbled. “maybe that’s just how his eyes are. can you let me study now?”

your friend once again ignored your request.

“do you really think he’s a nice person?” she bit back. “isn’t he the resident bad boy of this school?”

you internally cringed at the nickname.

“uh…”

“y/n.”

“i mean personally, he’s not all that bad.”

“what?” she stared in disbelief.

 -

you knew about juyeon. the thing that you didn’t know was why he constantly put up a tough front when in reality he’s really just a nice person.

it had happened last week. when you were strolling through the library, trying to find that one book that would help in your research project. as you turned the aisle, you ran into juyeon. that tall guy with dark hair seemingly loomed over everyone with a scary aura. you ran straight into him.

“oh,” you breathed out. "sorry."

“y/n?” he spoke.

“hm?” you weren’t surprised that he knew your name despite never talking. you had practically all your classes with him.

“can you do me a favor?”

you blinked. that was new.

“yes?” you said, almost sounding like you were questioning him instead. he pulled up his phone and showed a picture. it was a picture of a book.

“i need help finding this book to borrow,” he spoke in his usual deep voice.

you almost let out a laugh at the book itself. “How to Befriend a Kitty: A Guide” was what it read on the screen.

it seems he must’ve heard your chuckle because he furrowed his eyebrows in slight confusion.

“what’s so funny?”

“first, you can’t befriend a kitty? second, can’t you just search it up?” you laughed.

you could see his cheeks redden slightly. “no, for some reason my cat really hates me,” he explained sheepishly. “and i’ve tried everything, so i thought a traditional book would help…”

“hm, well…” and then you led him throughout the whole library, walking through the various aisles until finally, you found the book. you handed it to him with a smile.

“thank you,” he said. you could spot the smallest smile on his lips.

“no problem.”

it was silent.

“can i get your number?”

your mouth dropped open and your eyes widened.

“m-me?” you stammered out.

“yes, you,” he said bluntly.

you slowly nodded as you handed him your phone. after exchanging numbers, juyeon stated that he had to go. he gave a small wave before walking the other way. you stood there, rooted to the spot as he disappeared. he wasn’t bad at all.

-

juyeon watched the back of your head as you hunched over your books, seeming to be cramming for a test. he could make out the slope of your nose and the way the window glowed against your skin.

he sighed, his eyes softening, a sort-of romantic ballad playing in his ears.

juyeon always liked you, ever since he had laid eyes on you. he’s just never had the courage to ask you out or even approach you until he ran into you at the library.

his eyes shifted down to where his recent mathematics test paper was sitting on the desk. there was the number 50 written on it in bright red pen. or was it a 20? he never was skilled at math anyways. 

he glanced at you again and you were looking back at him too. he could feel his cheeks start to warm as he hurriedly looked away.

and that was when he had the most amazing idea ever.

-

you stared down at the phone. you had just finished a conversation with juyeon and now there was an address on the screen that he had texted you.

you tilted your head slightly as the conversation replayed in your head.

“y/n," you jumped when you heard his deep voice behind you. school had just ended and you were packing up your things to leave.

“juyeon,” you replied quietly. "do you need something?"

“yes.”

he stared with expectant eyes as if to wait for your answer. you giggled.

"what is it then?"

he took a deep breath before spilling it all out, “i need a tutor for math because i failed the test and you seem really good at math so i was wondering if you could come over to my house and teach me some things-”

firstly, it was funny how he had rushed everything into one sentence with a higher-pitched voice as if he was really nervous. second, he wanted you to tutor him?

“uh- juyeon wait- calm down," you stood up and thought for a second. he seemed nice enough and he just wanted a good grade so... "sure, i’ll go but what exactly was your test grade? and why me?”

“a twenty or a fifty. and you seem like the right person,” his voice was back to its monotone deep voice.

“you can’t even read numbers?”

“no- it’s just that the teacher’s handwriting is horrendous. it’s like a doctor’s.”

you laughed. and you stopped. you laughed at juyeon’s joke. you never even knew that juyeon could make jokes.

“when are you free?”

-

and so there you were, standing right at his doorway the next day. you took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell, swaying side to side as you nervously waited for what felt like hours.

until finally, the door swung open, and there he was with a small but visible smile on his face. your eyes widened slightly. you just realized that you’ve never seen juyeon outside of school which meant that you’ve never seen him without the school uniform on. not like he ever wore it properly anyway.

you were wearing a casual outfit. not too lazy, not too special. juyeon’s was casual too, except he looked good in it. it was a simple black t-shirt, yet it fit him incredibly well with his tall height and broad shoulders. you gulped, gripping the math textbook in your hands.

“y/n?”

“yes?”

“i was asking if you wanted anything to drink,” he said as he stepped aside so that you could enter his home. 

“oh!” you shook your head. “no, i’m fine.”

he shrugged as he led you down to where his room was located.

“we can study here,” he calmly spoke. you nodded as you entered and sat down at the desk where there were two chairs located. you were just about to beckon him over when you noticed something small.

a hello kitty plushie propped up on a nearby shelf.

“hey…” your eyes widened. “is that-”

“what?” he hurriedly rushed over and shoved it down in a dark corner of the room. “it was nothing.”

you stared, your mouth wide open in shock. he stared back, his eyes narrowing as if trying to hypnotize you that you saw nothing.

and then you burst out laughing, unable to contain it anymore.

“so, you’re really different than what others think, huh…” you patted the seat next to you and he slowly went to sit almost timidly. “hello kitty, huh?”

“look, it was a gift from my aunt okay?”

“sure,” you laughed. “whatever you say.”

juyeon reached down and pulled out his notebook and a pencil with an embarrassed sigh. 

“and there goes my intimidating act that i keep up in school,” he grumbled, eyeing you.

you smiled.

“there’s no need for it though? why keep it up?”

“people piss me off,” he explained, taking your textbook and flipping to one of the pages. “is it so bad to just want to ignore their annoying, chatty selves?”

you paused. then, you feigned fake hurt across your expression. “so am i annoying to you as well?”

he sputtered, his cheeks turning red, “n-no! not you. you’re very…”

and it looked like he was about to say something but instead, he slammed his pencil down.

“let’s start?” he said hurriedly.

-

juyeon surprisingly (not so surprisingly judging by his sweet personality) was good at studying. he certainly wasn’t good at math, but that’s why you were there. you helped him through every step of the problem until he understood it. everytime he would get the answer right on his own, he would secretly smile to himself proudly. you thought it was endearing.

“y/n.”

you looked up from putting on your jacket since you were about to leave.

“hm?”

juyeon thought for a moment, his hair falling over his eyes. he bit his lip nervously as he fidgeted with his hands.

“do you want to… to go get ice cream after school tomorrow?”

-

“so,” your friend nudged your shoulder as she sat next to you on your bed. “you and the certified bad boy huh?”

“please stop calling him that.”

“you didn’t answer the question!”

you sighed, your cheeks starting to feel warm when you recalled the earlier events of that day. he paid for your ice cream, giggled (giggled!) when you left some vanilla on your lips, and even walked you home while chatting about whatever you wanted. who knew that juyeon had such a sweet side to him? he was confusing you and he made your heartbeat somehow beat faster.

“so what? we’re just new friends that’s all. and i tutor him,” you explained.

“and…?”

“nothing else!”

she giggled, slyly, toying with her hair. “but judging by the way he looks at you…”

you paused and abruptly turned your head to her. 

“what?” you exclaimed.

“nothing, nothing.”

- 

this was now your fifth tutoring session with juyeon. the two of you grew closer and closer, even exchanging smiles in the halls. for some reason though, people haven't noticed your guys’ newfound friendship and still avoided juyeon. but maybe, that’s just his whole intention.

all the tutoring sessions were about math, until this one. this time, he said it was english.

you plopped down next to him on the small couch he had in his room.

“now, it’s english?”

he silently nodded.

“what’s your test score?”

he went to one of the desk drawers and pulled out the paper. right there, on the corner of it was a large 100 and a well done!

you stared blankly at it. then, back up to him. he was smiling shyly.

“juyeon-” you slapped your hand over your own face in disbelief. “why would you ever need me to tutor you on this?”

he pouted cutely, despite his all-black attire. 

“i wanted to spend time with you.”

and that hit your heart like a sharp arrow. your cheeks immediately began to flush as you quickly looked away. this was not what you had expected.

“wh-whatever. you could’ve asked to get ice cream again or something,” you rambled, your heart was beating fast this time.

“but,” he stated clearly and bluntly. “i wanted to give you this.”

and then he reached under the couch and pulled out a bouquet of flowers. it was beautiful, multiple colors and different flowers scattered around. you gasped immediately at the sight of it.

“wh-what is this?” you took it in your hands gently. you could see his hands trembling nervously. "this is for me?"

“well i wanted to confess to you eventually…” he mumbled.

“confess?” you questioned, your eyes widening. 

“y/n, i really like you," he stated, placing a hand on his chest sincerely.

and you almost fainted right then and there.

“huh?”

“i’ve liked you ever since i laid eyes on you,” his eyes were sparkling and his cheeks were tinted pink as well. “and i enjoy my time with you and you make me, this guy who wears all black all the time, feel all fluttery and pink on the inside.”

you stared in utter disbelief. your jaw dropped as you clutched the flowers in your hand. and then you smiled widely, giggling.

“that’s crazy,” you whispered shifting closer. “i seem to like you too, juyeon.”

“really?” his eyes were wide in hope.

“yeah,” you pinched his cheek. “you’re actually really cute despite the whole bad boy thing you’ve got going on. plus, you are really, really, attractive. even when you smile and-”

and your words were interrupted by his lips on yours. you dropped the bouquet to the floor in shock as he brought you closer with his large hands. you gasped but still, melted into the kiss your heart thumping wildly.

when he pulled away he smiled widely.

“i’ve wanted to do that for the longest time.”

“really?” you asked, breathless.

“you’re just so … pretty.”

you were frozen. your cheeks certainly were red now. and then you leaned closer and kissed him again. and again. and again.

and he reciprocated, even bringing you into a warm hug.

meow.

you both jolted away from each other. when you looked down, there was a kitty. juyeon’s kitty, staring up at you both with angry eyes.

“you still didn’t befriend this cutie?”

“i’m working on it...”

[alicepao13]

Hudson and Rex S06E15

So, as I’m sure a lot of people have already figured out, we just watched the intended season finale. CityTV, you better hope I never get to cross that ocean. I mean, every season finale aside from the two where Peter Mitchell was in charge (coincidence?) were run of the mill episodes which could have fit anywhere in the season. Maybe it will be fitting for this season to start and end with viewers wondering what they watched. But I’m getting ahead of myself here and I might be wrong. Let’s focus on 15 which may very well be the best episode of the season for me, probably tied with S06E04.

The spoiled scene with Charlie and Sarah’s mentioned anniversary. Rex totally wants to stay with Jesse after their “celebration”. I’m trying to figure whether Jesse is pretending to be naive or is actually being naive about it. Or if the whole response is the writers being unable to outright say that Charlie and Sarah really spent their anniversary having sex all night.

Speaking of, two years, Charlie Hudson? What are you waiting for, an epiphany to hit you in the head? Oh, wait.

What do you mean, we didn’t save the day? There’s a dead woman? Huh? 

Nice bomb explosion by the way.

“My bosses are gonna hate this but tell me more”. lol Jesse

How did we end up as security detail for the woman who might become prime minister?

Look, I like when there’s a case where they’re toying with supernatural elements. That’s why I loved Castle so much. And Jesse is always eager to believe. Charlie on the other hand looks like he’s got tons to say on the subject. Rex too. Apparently he doesn’t believe in time travel either.

Any so called time traveler should come back to the present with the numbers for the lottery. That would be ample proof for me :P

Can I say how much I like the camera work on this one? Good directing by John Vatcher.

Rex is getting so many pats in this episode. Deserved.

This campaign manager is on par with the Veep campaign managers. And by that I mean he’s ruthless and self-centered and I want to punch him.

That food now possibly has dog hair in it.

I come from a country where it’s pretty normal to put a musical montage right in the middle of an episode (even a dance number), so I’m not going to say anything about the needless song.

Thunk! There goes Charlie. Again. I’ll spare y’all the concussion speech. Besides, time moves in mysterious ways in this show, maybe it’s already been six months since episode 11.

Seriously, why do you tell Rex to chase a lead if you can’t survive being ten feet away from him?

I can’t remember the last time any of my shows put a bomb vest on one of the main characters. The latest that I remember was FBI but it was on a minor character. That had been a great episode too.

I haven’t yet decided whether that bomb vest looks too amateurish. To be fair, given who the culprit was, it shouldn’t look professional.

Sarah finding Charlie as he has a bomb vest on is like, the best thing that has happened lately on this show. Her look. His look as he realizes that he’s got his entire family now in this (and the mantra of no, no, no that must be playing in his head, I’m filling the blanks, don’t mind me). The slight zooming in of the camera in both of their shots, denoting the direness of the situation.

I was almost waiting for Charlie to say “this isn’t as enjoyable as it was last night” as Sarah was touching him while she’s checking the bomb vest. It writes itself, come on.

In my last review post I wrote that I was hoping the earphones would serve for Charlie to call Sarah and tell her goodbye or something like that. This certainly exceeded my expectations.

We’re a bit late for love confessions under duress but when Charlie was asked about whether Sarah was his wife and he replied “Not yet”, that was a nice moment. At least we know where his head is at.

Their silent communication. They’re so in sync.

Elsewhere, Joe and Jesse are quietly trying to figure out a way to save innocent people and somehow not get their friend blown up.

Superintendent Joe Donovan making airplane noises. I laughed so much.

They are holding hands as they’re walking to their doom! Oh, by the way, interesting music choice. I wonder if it’s score created for the show or non-original music. I’ve certainly not heard it before on the show.

Goodbye kiss! I love it here. And look at the shot of Charlie and Rex leaving as Sarah is staying behind.

Me: no way it’s the convict. Five minutes later: it’s the fucking convict!!! Ten minutes later: it’s not the convict???

Ha, Charlie using the mute button which is pretty convenient but almost no one uses on calls. 

Okay, they fooled me with the bomber. But the takedown went pretty much as I expected. Nice communication with Rex through hand signals, again. Although the detonator flying off the lady’s hand… anything could have happened.

Rex’s influence to the system will be more K9s lol. They may also have ensured unlimited funding for the SJPD.

Can the time traveling guy tell us if Charlie is going to propose anytime soon? Or is the “not yet” considered a non-proposal proposal?

This is the first time I’m hearing about the so called Alice in wonderland syndrome.

“Everybody needs a Rex”. Ah, yes. Our catchphrase.

Charlie, put the phone down. When is that man clocking out? Who’s going to make sure Rex is getting adequate rest? I need to talk to his superior. Joe!

Well, I kept saying that I wanted Charlie and Sarah to be in danger again together since they hadn’t after they had become a couple, and I got my wish, thank you, show. We could have had an aftermath scene with them but I’m not going to complain about it in an otherwise good episode.

Promo: I’m beyond frustrated that they keep shuffling the episodes and they wouldn’t even give it a rest when they got the season finale or the 100th episode on their hands. Today’s (yesterday’s) episode would have been a better 100th episode than The Rookie’s for sure (which is embarrassing for The Rookie). But instead we get to watch it as episode 99 and have a run of the mill case for the 100th, which, unless it ends up in a huge celebration scene, is going to fall flat. We basically end off exactly as we started, expect I now know this is 100% CityTV’s fault.

Speaking of, is CityTV even going to acknowledge that it’s the 100th episode? Is anyone? I’m obviously not expecting the magnitude of promotion ABC gave The Rookie or 911 this season (and that was a lot) but something that shows they’re not completely neglecting Hudson and Rex. It doesn’t seem like we’re getting renewal news anytime soon, so I’d settle for them celebrating the episodes they already filmed. There are quite a few production companies involved too, this does not only fall on CityTV. If Shaftesbury wants to celebrate this milestone, I won’t say no.

[espresso-lessdepresso]

HEYYYYY GIRL!!!!! its me anon sofi after SO LONG, I’ve already finished my first semester so I just started winter vacations yeyy (bc here in Argentina is winter and super cold lmao) sososo I’m going to catch up with everything you’ve written and cheer you on. Let me tell this month was SO stressful, with finals and all, but thank god I got the best grades (your girl is smart, got a total of 9,5 this semester（＾ν＾) ). Still, im very tired BUT I got the best writer in the world in front of me who put out a fic while I was gone, which means I’m gonna get relaxed and read it cause I know it’s going to be the very best ever. Now lets stop talking about me and TELL ME ABOUT YOU!!!! How’s your day?? How are you?? What are you up to??? Have you listened to a new song or discovered a new artist??? Watched a good movie recently?? Tell me everything and anything. I’ll read allll of it, even if it’s 15k words, I’ll take my time and read every single letter. You’re amazing and it makes so happy seeing so content and energetic, you have no idea. Remember to take care of yourself, stay safe and ilysmmmmm. Sending you goodie vibes all the way from here to wherever you are (⌒▽⌒) ♡

Helloooo anon soffiiii ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

This is going to be a bit of a long one~

 It has indeed been a very long time since we last talked!!! [though much to my fault I've not been good at answering at the moment] I hope your vacations go well and that you’ve got some fun plans for the winter [which I should add is the best season in my opinion]. I'm a big soup enjoyer so I hope you get some good soup in your system to keep you warm. 

I have not written much since my ‘return’ [if can even call it that], but I hope you enjoy it. There is a very late Valentine’s Day post with schlatt, a part two of the Charlie fic and two Ted headcanons [head canons, me doing hcs? crazy. maybe I might get into it].

Im assuming that the 9.5 is out of a whole marking of 10? I’m thoroughly impressed just have to say, you are indeed a very smart girl, especially in college since many [including me] are just trying to get by with passing grades. It’s nice to see when someone works hard and gets the fruit of their labour- you did amazing, proud of you dude ☆ദി ᷇ᵕ ᷆ )☆

As for me, I find myself still getting back into writing, like im walking up a steep hill to get back to where I used to be. I don’t know, I feel like I’m not writing the same as I used to but maybe that’s all in my head. Fun fact, I often read a lot before I write- sure I may only read horror, but it helps get the brain juices flowing. I’ve been pretty occupied with personal stuff and college and my brain not braining, which isn’t super fun to talk about so I’ll just skip that. Other than that, I’ve been playing quite a few games when I’m in the need to procrastinate. My goodness- I’ve had sessions where I play for 8-ish hours straight of Terraria or Stardew Valley. It’s not the healthiest, I know, my discord buddies have given me earfuls and many scolding as if I were a little child because of this (ᐡ ᐧ ﻌ ᐧ ᐡ) But in my defence, it’s so easy for me to play for hours because I have some Jaiden or Schlatt vod playing on another screen so the vibes of that gaming sessions are immaculate. I sit on the chair with my little blanket, water and a snack, one earphone playing the game sounds and the other is playing the vod, the lights are dim and everything is so cozy. 

Oh, I’ve also been drinking these days. I never thought of touching alcohol in my entire life but here I am. I’ve been occasionally drinking some whiskey, which is considered a big boy drink for someone like me, a noob. But that is the only alcohol I can get my hands on. My mother does not know of my drinking and is promptly against it so I have been very careful with how much I drink. I do not condone drinking btw. I simply feel very silly when I do. Here is a little breakdown of how drinking affects me. When I’m two shots in, I start feeling it pretty quick. I drink between 5 to 10 shots and the way it affects me is by giving me a debuff of movement accuracy. Being a very articulate person, I have not been slurring when drunk. But I am walking a little silly lol, and swaying a little. Does this make me a lightweight? I have no frame of reference. But yeah, I think that was the most interesting and/or significant thing I’ve done.

It's always a pleasure hearing from you, our interactions are nothing less than sweet and its always welcomed. I hope you enjoy your vacation. Remember to take care of yourself and stay safe as well! Sending all the good vibes back to you ♡♡♡ ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡♡♡



[This is an answer to an old ask, written 8th April ( ˊᵕˋ ; ) I did not send it back then bc my brain was, unfortunately, giving me a hard time] 

I hope you're doing well. I read your post asks (which was so so long ago im so sorry) and I hope you've found a new apartment. Since you mentioned Argentina's summer being so suffocatingly hot, you should be drinking ample amounts of water throughout the day. Where I live, it gets ridiculously dry and hot during the summer, so I keep quite a few bottles of water near my desk. Being in college myself, third year for me, trying to stay on top of all my classes is difficult but so rewarding at the same time. Almost too many people have said this but it's true, time management is everything. And of course, giving yourself breaks is important as well to not burn yourself out. You have truly been so sweet to me, even when I have failed to write and post anything for months, so I thank you very much. It is hard to come by such kindness on the internet.

[ace-angel-judas]

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Pairing: Hazel/Melody/Vernon ft Eunji

Series: LOSTxGIRL Original Kpop Group AU

Genre: Fluff and Angst?

Synopsis: Things are starting to unfold

A/N: I know this is basically three scenarios in one but I couldn't really find a way to write these different conversations into their own scenarios. I hope it's not too confusing

"When did you learn guitar?"

The question had Hazel looking up, taking the earphones out of her ears and looking at the male. Vernon stood there with a soft look on his face.

"Um, I taught myself," Hazel explained, "Since I was a kid, I can also play piano as well,"

Vernon looked surprised, "That's a pretty good talent to have,"

A laugh made Hazel and Vernon both turn their heads, Melody joining them and sitting down next to Hazel in the studio. They were recording something, a few of the other Seventeen members helping them.

"Jihoon and Eunji are arguing over sections," Melody shook her head as she crossed her legs.

"Eunji can be a little controlling in the studio," Hazel mumbled as she looked back down at her guitar.

"Did you paint it?" Vernon asked suddenly, making both Melody and Hazel look at him.

"Um.., yes?" Hazel answered.

Melody looked at her brother, eyes narrowing slightly before she spoke, "Hazel designed their band logo as well, she's a pretty good artist, I told you this,"

Vernon looked at his sister, a look crossing his eyes for a moment, "I'm just curious,"

Hazel let out a sound of surprise as Eunji slapped her arm, looking at her from the other side of the car. They had just left the studio, Eunji staring at her with wide eyes.

"Vernon likes you!" Eunji announced, "He definitely likes you!"

Staring at Eunji, Hazel spoke, "What are you on about?"

"He basically stuck to you the entire time we were there!" Eunji gasped, "Hazel!"

"He stuck to Melody, their very close, their twins," Hazel pointed out, "Why is everyone so invested in my dating life?"

"Uh, because you literally never spoke to any of the male trainees when we were trainees, you avoid people in general even when they like you," Eunji laughed, "Hazel, you need a boyfriend,"

Hazel shook her head, "Melody is my best friend, Vernon is her twin brother, that's weird and.. no,"

Eunji shrugged, "Do you think he's cute?"

"I'm not answering that,"

Eunji snickered at her response, leaning back in her chair before Hazel looked out the window.

"Do you think Hazel is cute?"

Vernon pulled the airpod out of his ear as he looked over at his sister, who was sitting on her bed. Melody was looking at him, her head tilted to the side slightly.

"Huh?"

"Do you think Hazel is cute? I think she's cute," Melody giggled.

"Why are you bringing this up?" Vernon asked, placing his phone down.

Melody sighed, "Do you like Hazel? You seemed really interested in her today,"

Looking at his sister, Vernon slowly responded, "No.., No, I don't think I do,"

A sigh of relief left Melody's lips, Vernon could tell she was worried about something, making him sit up and face her fully.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Please don't date Hazel," Melody asked, "I know you said you don't like her but, If you do, please don't date her,"

Vernon didn't say anything.

"She's the only friend I've made outside this group and I like her a lot," Melody explained, "She's my best friend, Hansol,"

[husbandhoshi]

ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLRIGHTY.......it is time....we cheered! i am so ready to tuck into this like a delicious meal <3 liveblogging under the cut :')

You’re sitting in the bathroom, staring at the uneven paint where the tiles meet the wall, wondering if you could ever manage to crawl into one of the cracks there and disappear forever....It’s hard to focus on one thing when it feels like the whole world is happening at once without you in it.

see i feel like we have already started off so strong. i feel like whenever /i/ write long introspective sections it feels like it drags but this is so perfect. i had to do the ole english essay ellipses to cut the passage but the whole stretch was so evocative without being lengthy.

The hot tears suddenly feel ice cold against your burning skin, and exhaustion crashes down on you. The sink is dripping again.

You’ll have to get it fixed.

Everything.

this is so real. i think it's so hard to write like. Mental Illness tm or at least like. raw moments and make it seem Not Corny slash stereotypical but this is perfect.

Vernon knows your coffee and takeout orders by heart, and you do his. Even if he’s a worse texter than talker, you still very much enjoy his company, and mostly the ability to exist together in comfortable silence.

this and the paragraphs before this are i think the perfect characterization of vernon. spot on. esp the hum in response like truly my man is Not nosy whatsoever.

He could see even during class how out of it you were, certainly he could, but he didn’t want to bring up something you were not comfortable sharing on your own. So all he did was slide a lone earphone over, and put on a playlist he made for you. Of course, he would never tell you that - or anyone for that matter.

okay see like sometimes POV switches are corny and gratuitous but i feel like this was so smoothly done and provides a bit of extra characterization to help inform the rest of the fic. i think it's also really interesting to see how different vernon's thoughts and actions are versus yn's...where yn wears their emotions on their sleeve and vernon is kind of a mask. like it's an interesting dichotomy.

You are his first love, even if he would never admit it to anyone, not even himself.

nothing to say here i was just gagged. i also said THREE YEARS? out loud. oh my god we are really in this.

That night you fall asleep wondering what it’d be like to hold Vernon’s hands on a 2am walk. You dream about your kitchen window being gone.

the prose here is so yummy. the cadence of this paragraph especially. Yes...

He helps the girl lay down, and she mumbles something similar to a “don’t go, you’re so cute”, which Vernon decides to ignore, and turns her on her side instead - just in case she gets sick.

BASED and woke public health king

You find yourself spending more and more nights in the kitchen, the quiet hum of the fridge and lone passersby keeping you company as you watch the world go by. It was peaceful in a terrible way, one which you were sure was no good for you.

OK IM SEEING THE THEMES.... i also love how you write little snippets of everyday life and make them seem so romantic..so lived in and wonderful even tho they're just typical things. you know.

not gnna paste in the text messages but just know that vernon using punctuation??? Something is Cooking. also him taking the initiative to ask yn to build a snowman is really sweet knowing that he is typically not the type to initiate things.

You move your gaze towards him, and suddenly his face is way too close...You swallow nervously and your eyes flicker to his lips.

this passage made me bite my fist..the way u so easily transition from the introspective moments to dialogue to fluff...... also didn't want to grab the ENTIRE convenience store section but i love how the midnight connections tm have become a staple of your fic. i think it's a perfect little bite of the liminal in-between moments. the things people want to say and can't. things you think will be forgotten by the morning. you know. also loving how reserved vernon is w his friends and then him lighting up when he's w yn it rlly is so sweet to see :( and the added detail that he is tired as shit but will still make time for them.

Once you say your goodbyes you slowly make your way home, walking past the half finished snowman.

yn is so earnest and that's one of my favorite things abt them. like this is such a cute gesture. esp because like they weren't that eager to leave the house in the first place but the sheer Wonderfulness of the moment drives them to be a little whimsical when that would have been so out of character for them earlier...character development.

He dreams about the feeling of your lips on his.

ok the callback to the dreams...honestly like its the perfect throwback to the earlier part but also adds sooo much to the thematic/atmospheric cohesion here. also i screamed

Being alone feels suffocating, even though you’re the one who turned Vernon down once again. It’s been weird seeing him around at school, only being able to think about how pretty he looks under cheap neon lights. He doesn’t make much of an effort to reach out either.

this is actually so real. i'm learning a lot from the way u write fic and i think this part is so simply but well said. like what characters do dont HAVE to make sense. sometimes feelings are complicated and we do things we dont want to do and say things we dont want to say etc etc.

“I’m getting kind of hungry,” she pouts at him, and he feels like this is his chance to get out.

“I know just the place.”

WELCOME HOME CHEATER also im not grabbing anything from this next section bc it would be too long but like.. oh nawurrr.... not them connecting and then disconnecting and then falling into other people.... also re: the POV shift thing i actually think it has become such a wonderful little utility here. like i see the vision now. yes this is ab yn but it's also about VERNON and his emotional constipation and his self sabotage. and how HE weathers the seasons. THE MISSED CALL AND TEXT MESSAGE???? killing myself and then killing myself again............ OK SHONDA RHIMES..

You still dream about draping your scarf around Vernon, late night grocery runs, a kitchen window that’s brighter and doesn’t make you feel like the shell of who you used to be.

nothing to say here except chefs kiss of a sentence. the window callback is another chefs kiss and i think the motif is so fitting bc in a way they both feel like outsiders looking in....starting to see why this is called parallels and almosts ... (sorry i am slow.)

“How’s Seohyun?” You take a step back, and Vernon visibly gulps. Somehow he just knows that you’ve been talking to Seungkwan.

um i gasped aloud........... season finale type beat. also like i'm no vernon shooter but yn getting mad at vernon when they Also were Talking to seungkwan OK emoji .

Vernon feels like a stranger and your dearest friend at the same time. Sometimes when you look at him too much you go back to the night where things still felt okay and you wonder if he ever thinks about it - about how badly you wanted to hold his hands, kiss him still lying in the snow.

this makes my tummy hurt because i think you encapsulated the feeling of time passing so well. like its only been 10k words but i feel like there is actual history there even tho there was only one scene where they really bonded... you know. like their past feels so storied to me.

“Maybe.”

“Oh you’re one to talk, like you’d ever tell me any of it!”

see like i think this is such a masterful way of tying it together.. like yeah. they both SUCKED at communication. PARALLELS AND ALMOSTS.

nothing to say ab the next section (Maybe you've already fallen hard...You wake up crying at 2 AM) except that i think it's one of my fave sections of Prose in this.

Almost on instinct you lean your head on Vernon’s shoulder, and you feel his arm circling your waist and squeezing gently, his head coming to rest on top of yours.

literally my eyes opened so wide. we Going situationship?????????????? i think the dream thing that you have going on is especially potent here bc it really feels like we Have vernon and then we don't. and then it repeats.

“There’s gonna be a party tonight,” he turns to you suddenly. “I want you to come.”

FULL CIRCLE...fly hands....

OK the ending. OMG. the kiss scene was sweet and not corny. and the way you transformed the space when vernon moves in... like the idea of Home and Space and feeling Trapped the whole fic has i think is so lovely. i think there is a very tactile way you described things here and so it feels lived in and natural. like you dont have to SAY how yn is feeling as explicitly because you can SEE it in the way the space changes around them. and then the callback at the end is really sweet :')

overall i think this was such an enjoyable read!! you continue to be the master of atmospheric fic. like it really sucks you in and i think you describe yn so fully that it's hard to not empathize w them even if you don't really relate to the things happening in their life. and i think there is such a simplicity to the setting and the plot points that you can really Sit in the feelings that the characters are feeling. i think the next strongest bit of this was the parallels theme!! i loved seeing how the sections echoed each other and how the imagery/environments reflected the progression of the characters and plot.

tldr i loved it and i will never Not sing your praises as a writer!!!

parallels & almosts

♡ pairing: vernon x reader

♡ genre: friends to lovers, light angst

♡ word count: 10k

♡ warnings: slight description of panic attacks, alcohol consumption, slow burn-ish lol, occasional cursing, a little sad bc i wrote it in winter, yearning

a/n: i wrote this last christmas inspired by my first sem at uni, and finally got around to proofreading :) hope you like it, and if you have any thoughts about it id love to know &lt;3

masterlist

♡ ♡ ♡

One day you’ll inevitably fall for someone. Someone, who will touch you for the first time like no one ever did before, and maybe no one ever will again. Full of love, admiration, and tenderness. Your chest is going to fill with pain and unending yearning, a fleeting moment that’s going to feel like nothing and everything whenever you think about it. And you’ll fall hard, hard enough that if any of it was real it might break your body in unspeakable ways.

When you wake up the next day you realise you’ll never love anyone as much as this, not in this lifetime.

Then it’s over.

You’re sitting in the bathroom, staring at the uneven paint where the tiles meet the wall, wondering if you could ever manage to crawl into one of the cracks there and disappear forever. No clichéd metaphor seems fitting enough, even though you understand you are not the first, and you won’t be the last either, to experience heartbreak quite like this. Something that squishes your heart until it feels numb, catches in your throat in a way that you can’t even find the words to explain the pain, a constant gloss over your eyes, like tears you can’t blink away.

Your upstairs neighbour is just a little too loud, the static of the tv humming just a little too much, drunk people screaming outside just a little too close, and it all feels so overbearing. You close your eyes, skin buzzing with all the loudness of the inside and outside combined. It’s hard to focus on one thing when it feels like the whole world is happening at once without you in it.

Then the phone rings.

The world stops, but your breathing quickens as panic takes over. It’s all so much in a way that seems impossible to deal with. At least for now, in this passing moment, even if it feels like an eternity. The ringing gets more and more deafening, your breaths quickening, and you know it won’t stop. It never really does. The cacophony of sounds slowly fades out, the only thing you can hear is your own body; your heartbeat, your own breaths, tired gasps for air. It’s okay. You claw at your skin, anything to distract yourself from the ongoing panic attack, even if you know it won’t help. It never does.

It’s okay.

Tears burn the corners of your eyes, even though you don’t know how long you’ve been crying. The world is slowly closing in, and it’s just you on the cold bathroom floor at 2am.

Is it okay?

It’s silent. So suddenly and so loudly, it almost knocks the air back into your lungs, as if the ground is being pulled from underneath your feet. The hot tears suddenly feel ice cold against your burning skin, and exhaustion crashes down on you. The sink is dripping again.

You’ll have to get it fixed.

Everything.

It’s a slow process to drag yourself from the bathroom to bed. The rain knocks politely on the window and you’re tempted to let it in, but instead just stare out into the cold night. The snow is slowly melting away, and you wish it washed away all the thoughts plaguing your mind too. It’s never that easy, you’ve always found it hard to let go of routines. The habit of waking up, turning over to give him a kiss, making coffee together. You don’t even like coffee that much, but for him you would’ve learned to love anything. For him, you even learned to love him. With all the pain and hurt. 

Despite him, you loved him.

It’s all gone, and it’s okay.

-

“You didn’t pick up all weekend,” Vernon says in his usual nonchalant tone without as much as looking in your direction.

After you finally managed to calm down, sleep seemed much more inviting than looking at your phone. The next few days felt so peaceful in isolation, that it wouldn’t have been right to disturb it.

“Sorry.”

He only hums in response, quietly scribbling away in his notebook next to you. His hair is hidden behind one of his many beanies, one earphone in his ear, the other one between the two of you on the desk as a silent offering from his part. It’s the middle of the lecture, but you wordlessly take it anyway, knowing well that you won’t pay attention today no matter what.

Vernon is hard to read, even if you’ve been friends for a few years now. He mostly keeps to himself, barely showing if something is going on in his life. He occasionally lets you in on the big things, like when his sister graduated high school, or when his family got a new cat. You weren’t completely sure if he shared these things with you out of common courtesy - you were glad when he did anyway. He was a little more curious and attentive when you told him about something, but never asked on his own.

Vernon knows your coffee and takeout orders by heart, and you do his. Even if he’s a worse texter than talker, you still very much enjoy his company, and mostly the ability to exist together in comfortable silence.

You get lost in thought, only coming back to reality when your favourite song quietly starts playing in your ear. Vernon is putting his phone back down, giving you a small smile before returning to the paper in front of him. His eyes twinkle in the cheap fluorescent light of the lecture hall, and even if the thought makes your chest feel tight, he does look beautiful even at 9am on a Monday.

He furrows his eyebrows, tapping his pen against the desk to the beat of the music. You rest your head on top of your barely started notes, glancing at Vernon from the corner of your eye before getting lost in thought for the rest of the lecture. You only notice that it’s over when the boy next to you is already leaving, gently tapping your shoulder and giving you a small wave  before walking off into the cold fog of the morning. The professor starts turning the lights off, and you scurry to gather your belongings, making your way to the exit. Suddenly you hear music in your ear once again, and you realise you forgot to give Vernon his earphones back.

However, music means he’s near, so you try and remember which way he went, and spot him a few benches over in front of the building. He’s standing in a lopsided circle with his friends, their laughter visible in the crisp air. You shuffle over to the group, standing a little awkwardly next to Vernon, who’s too invested in whatever conversation they’re having to notice your arrival. One of the boys spots you, and you give him a brief smile before deciding to finally tap Vernon’s shoulder. He quickly turns to you, the corners of his lips quirking up just enough for you to notice. You don’t want to overstay your welcome, so you quickly take the earphone and hand it back to him. His mouth turns into an O shape, and you can feel your cheeks warming up, so you look back down at your palm to avoid staring at his face even longer. He takes it from your hand, his cold fingers igniting fire in their wake. His eyes search for yours, and as soon as they meet you feel a little wobbly, a little warm, and a lot vulnerable.

You only decided on attending any classes you had that day to avoid sitting at home even longer, stewing in your own sadness and tears. When sitting in your bed that morning you felt as if you’d be okay, as if you’ll be able to get through all this without anyone knowing or noticing. As Vernon’s eyes bore into yours, you just knew that he could see everything. You were never sure how close he considered you, and you were always too scared to assume that you are close in the first place.

Your knees feel like they’re about to give out, so you shake your head a little, trying to hide the obvious blush on your cheeks behind your scarf. 

“There’s gonna be a party later tonight, if you uh- If you wanna come,” Vernon tells you.

“It’s Monday,” it almost comes out as a question, eliciting a laugh from the boy.

“I’ll text you the address later, in case you change your mind. I’ll be there.”

His smile always makes everything a little easier, so you nod and turn to leave. For a second he looks like he might say something else, a concerned look on his face, but he fades back into the conversation instead.

As soon as you’re out of earshot Vernon’s got multiple curious eyes on him, waiting for some sort of an explanation. They all know you to some degree of course, but they haven’t seen their friend like this in quite some time.

“Dude,” Seungkwan is the first one to voice his thoughts.

“What?”

“Did we miss something?'' His tone is enough to make Vernon’s eyes widen. “Just a heads up, I’m gonna keep an eye on you tonight. And I’m gonna be updating the group chat constantly, too.”

A round of laughter and general agreement follows Seungkwan’s statement, and though Vernon loves his friends, he has to admit that they can be too much sometimes. Even if he considers himself a private person, he does still keep them up to date most of the time, except at times like this. At times when not only his feelings are concerned.

He could see even during class how out of it you were, certainly he could, but he didn’t want to bring up something you were not comfortable sharing on your own. So all he did was slide a lone earphone over, and put on a playlist he made for you. Of course, he would never tell you that - or anyone for that matter. His feelings and his playlist were kept as his most treasured secrets, even if they’re only meaningful to him. He would be lying to himself if he tried to deny the crush he’s been nursing on you since you met in your first Monday morning class, sitting in the same spot as today. He immediately memorised your name during the quick introduction game the professor insisted on, making use of it as much as he could during class, and right after, too. Grabbing coffee seemed like the logical choice at the time, texting all his friends for recommendations as soon as he could. Once class was over he made his move, striking up conversation with you, albeit a little awkwardly. Surprisingly even to him, you agreed, and shortly after you found yourselves at a small café just off campus. The impromptu hangout felt almost too comfortable for it to be your first time meeting, and Vernon couldn’t think about the way you laughed at his terrible jokes without getting butterflies in his stomach, not even years later.

He later had to face the fact that you’re taken, and even if it broke his heart a little, he enjoyed your company a lot more than for something like this to keep him from you. So here you are, almost 3 years later, still looking at each other with the same unmistakable tenderness that only you two seem to ignore. Always smiling brighter, laughing louder, and whispering even more quietly when the other is around.

You are his first love, even if he would never admit it to anyone, not even himself.

- 

The dim orange street light illuminates the kitchen in a way that squeezes your soul just a little too tight, making you feel nostalgic for things that maybe never really happened. Snowflakes land on the window and melt away slowly, racing down the glass. Lately it only snows at night, so you decide to stay up late, the party Vernon invited you to long forgotten.

Tonight it’s a little different somehow. The air feels heavier than usual, and the streets are fully empty, which is an exceptionally rare sight this close to campus. You open the window, and climb up to sit on the sill, dangling your feet into the night. The crippling pressure on your chest doesn’t seem to cease, and you wish to be able to cry and scream, let it all out while it’s dark and quiet.

In the distance you spot a figure slowly treading through the snow, dressed in all black with their hands in their pockets. Their steps are completely silent except for the occasional crunch of the fresh snow. The knowledge that someone else is just this restless at the same time as you brings an odd sense of peace. Wordless company on such a lonely night.

For a fleeting moment you feel like everything’s going to be okay.

That night you fall asleep wondering what it’d be like to hold Vernon’s hands on a 2am walk. You dream about your kitchen window being gone.

-

Vernon waits for you patiently at the party that night, checking his phone way too often to make sure he doesn’t miss any of your calls or texts. A few drinks and too much teasing from his friends later he’s already getting ready to leave when some girl sidles up to him, giggling drunkenly right into his face. He remembers her from one of his classes, but not her name, and he doesn’t bother asking either.

“Heeey,” the girl chimes. “Are you uh- are you here uh- alone?” She stumbles a little, both with her words and her steps.

Vernon hesitates, but nods anyway.

“Really? So am I, that’s uh-” Vernon gets nervous that the girl might end up ruining his shoes. “That’s so cool. Wanna, do you wanna-”

She closes her eyes for a second and blindly reaches out for something to steady herself, so he grabs her arms on instinct.

“Are you okay?”

“You’re sooo cute, come with me, please?” She tries to pout at Vernon, but it comes out as almost every other emotion instead.

He shuffles through his choices mentally, deciding to make his way back into the living room with the girl clinging to him for dear life. The mind numbing music makes him wince a little, and he makes his way upstairs as fast as possible to get away from the hardcore party scene, not really in the mood for the smell of sweat and alcohol combined with the loudest room he could imagine in this moment. He manages to find an empty room on the third try, having seen a lot more naked people than he’s comfortable with in the span of the past few minutes.

He helps the girl lay down, and she mumbles something similar to a “don’t go, you’re so cute”, which Vernon decides to ignore, and turns her on her side instead - just in case she gets sick. He quickly makes his leave, and he can hear retching from the other side of the closed door as soon as he’s outside. It makes him wanna leave as soon as possible, so he does just that, bidding bye to some of his friends before vanishing into the dark. He’s never been so happy about silence before.

The night is tranquil, even his own footsteps barely audible as he makes his way home. When he hears rustling he looks around to find the source, finding someone climbing into the windowsill in a nearby building. He gets worried, immediately wondering if he should call someone, or maybe yell out to the stranger to stop, the 5th floor is a long way from the ground, it’s not worth it. He decides against it when he sees the stranger quietly settle down, but watches for a bit longer anyway before deciding to continue his journey. 

That night he falls asleep wondering if he should’ve texted you, if you’re even okay.

He dreams about the stranger falling from the window in slow motion, and wakes up in cold sweat before they could hit the ground.

-

You find yourself spending more and more nights in the kitchen, the quiet hum of the fridge and lone passersby keeping you company as you watch the world go by. It was peaceful in a terrible way, one which you were sure was no good for you. That window became your survival, even if it made your chest ache with the sights it presented occasionally. Some nights were different. Some nights your phone buzzed to life with a new text from Vernon, asking about your day or just trying to make conversation. With how unavailable you made yourself he suddenly became better at texting than talking. You had to admit that it always made you a little sad when you didn’t receive his almost routinely ‘hey :)’ just a little past midnight. You always started by scowling him for being up late again, to which he responded by telling you the same.

It’s around 1am when your phone almost buzzes off the countertop.

Vernon: hey :)

Vernon: its finally snowing!!

You didn’t have the heart to tell him that the snowfall at night has been almost the only constant in your life lately.

Vernon: where r u???

Vernon: i know ur up we’re gonna go build a snowman

Vernon: dress warm!!

You’re about to force yourself to lie and turn him down, but something snaps inside of you and you find yourself asking for a location before hurriedly pulling on some warmer clothes. To your surprise he asks to meet in the park about a block from your complex, so you make your way over, waiting a few minutes for Vernon to arrive too.

He greets you with a warm smile, barely half his face visible from his beanie and scarf, his hands tucked deep in his pockets.

“Why are you even up this late?” You ask with furrowed eyebrows.

“My roommates threw a party,” he closes his eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh, his breath drawing the prettiest shapes in the crisp air. “But I could be asking the same.”

“You could, but don’t,” he laughs at your response. “It’s really fucking cold tonight though, so let’s hurry up with that snowman.”

He grins at you and gently bumps his elbow into yours as you set off to find a good patch of snow. It starts out mellow, rolling snowballs around until you get to a size you’re happy with. However, Vernon gets bored quickly and decides to start targeting you with his snowballs instead. The park is quickly filled with your laughter and screaming, chasing each other around until you’re both too tired to run anymore. He flops down into the snow onto his back, sprawling all his limbs out. He’s still laughing quietly, interrupting himself with a scream when you throw one last snowball at his chest, half of the snow ending up in his face as it falls apart on impact. Your eyes widen as he jumps to his feet, an excited squeal leaving your lips when he sets off running in your direction. You try to make your escape, but of course he’s quicker and tackles you to the ground almost immediately. You both end up on your backs, your heads almost touching and the quiet night comes to life as you burst out in giggles almost in perfect harmony. 

“I think there’s a convenience store a few blocks away,” Vernon says once he’s calmed down enough to talk, and turns his head towards you.

“You hungry?” You move your gaze towards him, and suddenly his face is way too close - you could count his eyelashes or maybe get lost in his eyes forever. For a brief second it’s silent except for the pounding of your heart that you’re sure even he can hear.

“Yeah,” he whispers in response, not breaking eye contact. You swallow nervously and your eyes flicker to his lips. “I- Let’s go.”

“Okay,” you breathe out. Neither of you move.

You feel like even the world stops moving for a second, out of politeness, to give you time to think about what to do. You wonder what you’re so scared of, what is it about him that makes your brain short circuit with a single look. The thought of ruining your friendship with Vernon climbs to the front of your mind and suddenly it’s all you can think about. Your body moves on its own as you finally get up, dusting your clothes off and reaching down to help Vernon up. He stares at you dumbfounded, but takes your hand anyway and stands in front you in silence, watching you chew anxiously on your lower lip. Even if he doesn’t know all that’s been bothering you the past few weeks, he can clearly see that something isn’t quite right.

Suddenly you find himself in his embrace, his head squished to yours and his fingers tangled in the back of your coat. He holds you like this for a bit, playfully ruffling your hair when he finally pulls away.

“There’s nothing convenience store ramen can’t fix,” he says, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Especially since you’re paying,” you grin at him, and he only laughs at you, shaking his head a little. You never want this night to end.

The walk is quick and goes by in comfortable silence, only stealing glances at each other occasionally. You’re sitting under the flickering neon sign of the store, waiting for your ramen to finish cooking, Vernon almost falling asleep over his food. You offer him your couch for the night, but he politely declines, since surely the party must be over by now. You give him a small nod, poking away impatiently at your noodles, deciding to dig in whether it’s done or not, too hungry and tired to care. The clock above the cashier reads a little past 4am. 

With your stomachs full you’re standing outside the shop, mesmerised by the way the green neon highlights Vernon’s face. Even like this, he looks tired and almost a little sad. Your thoughts wander to how little he has said since you left the park, and it leaves a weird taste in your mouth.

“Thank you.” You spot the perplexed look in his eyes. “For tonight. It was… nice. So, thank you.”

He has way too much to say and way too little consciousness left in him for the night. He tries to string his thoughts together in an order so that they make sense, but the lack of sleep takes over and he only manages a tired smile. He can see something in your eyes that’s new to him, but he decides to save that conversation for another time.

Once you say your goodbyes you slowly make your way home, walking past the half finished snowman. Once you reach the other end of the park you let out a sigh and turn around. You pull your freezing hands from your pockets and get to work once again, rolling a head for the snowman and looking around for some twigs for the arms. You put on a few pebbles as decorations, a smile adorning the snowman’s face now. You take your phone and quickly snap a picture to send to Vernon, even though you’re sure he’s already fast asleep.

It’s past 5am once you get home, managing to fall asleep without tossing and turning for the first time in weeks. You don’t have a dream that night.

When Vernon stumbles through the front door he’s greeted by Seungkwan and Soonyoung watching some movie in the living room, probably half asleep as they don’t seem to notice his arrival. He takes off his shoes and coat, quietly moving towards his room when he hears a tired yawn from the couch. Seungkwan blinks at him sleepily, Vernon greeting him with a small wave that either goes unnoticed, or the boy really was asleep.

“You missed movie night,” Seungkwan croaks out. “What time is it anyways?”

“It’s really, really late. I just had to check on a friend.”

“A friend…” Seungkwan studies Vernon’s face. “You look like shit, dude.”

Vernon only looks back at him with a tired expression, letting out a low sigh before disappearing into his room. He flops down on his bed, not even bothering to change out of his clothes. He thinks back to your face so close to his, all the things he could’ve said and done. The moon peeks through his blinds, and he wonders if he kissed you would you have kissed him back.

He dreams about the feeling of your lips on his.

-

Vernon never replies to your finished snowman, and somehow it bothers you a lot more than it should. For the first time this winter the snow didn’t end up melting by the morning, and it’s even there covering the ground in a plush white layer a few days later.

It’s one of those nights again where the dark amplifies your loneliness, and you find yourself in the park again, sitting on a bench in front of your snowman. It’s leaning to the side a little, the daytime sun not taking mercy on it. You stare into its pebble eyes, your elbows resting on your knees and your chin in your palms - almost studying the little creature you made. You know it's going to melt and be gone in a few days, and the thought puts a frown on your face. You wish you never got attached to something so impermanent.

You check your phone for the time, but instead have to face a missed call and a message from Vernon. All it reads is “r u up?”, and you mentally cringe at the tinder-esque nature of his texting habits. You decide not to reply.

You get up to leave, but fix the snowman up before you do so, wrapping your scarf around its neck. You zip your coat up as high as possible and set off with silent steps. Being alone feels suffocating, even though you’re the one who turned Vernon down once again. It’s been weird seeing him around at school, only being able to think about how pretty he looks under cheap neon lights. He doesn’t make much of an effort to reach out either.

Later that week one of his friends invites you to some party he’s hosting, but you politely turn the offer down. You do end up buying a bottle of the cheapest grapefruit soju you can find that very same night, laying drunkenly on the floor and singing along to every song that comes on. You are glad that your phone is dead and you are too out of it to get up for the charger, because all you can think about is texting Vernon. It’s way past midnight when you finally feel well enough to get up, realising that you’ve been ignoring how hungry you are for the past few hours. The kitchen sounds like the worst place to be, so you get dressed and decide on the convenience store that Vernon showed you.

-

Vernon isn’t much for parties, but he realises that he’s in dire need of some socialisation, so when Mingyu invites him over he says yes without thinking. He regrets it just a little when he can hear the blaring music from outside the house, giving himself a mental pep talk before walking inside. He’s immediately met with a crowded room, barely able to squeeze past the swarm of sweaty bodies. Finding any of his friends seems impossible, but the kitchen is right on the other side of the living room, so he beelines there. He grabs a beer from the fridge, and almost jumps out of his skin when he closes the door to find someone standing right next to it, expectantly looking at him. The girl is familiar, but he can’t quite remember her.

“Hey,” she says with a shy smile. “I don’t think we’ve met, at least not when I’m sober.”

The memory suddenly hits him, and the look of realisation on his face makes the girl laugh. She does look different when she’s not about to throw up all over Vernon’s shoes and the floor.

“Oh yeah, that was… A night, for sure. Hi. I’m Vernon, by the way.”

He leans against the counter next to her and cracks his beer open. The girl reaches a free hand towards him, the other cradling a cup of something, and introduces herself as Seohyun. They make small talk for a while, both of them finishing their drinks before she asks Vernon if he wants to dance. He hesitates a little, but nods anyway, and she immediately grabs his hand with a giggle before pulling him into the crowd.

They dance like that, bodies pressed a little too close together, laughing over the music and singing along to every song they know. Vernon feels weird anyway, like something is missing, even if he couldn’t pinpoint what exactly.

He has no idea how long he’s been there when he finally spots Seungkwan in the kitchen, mixing multiple drinks at once. He excuses himself for a second from Seohyun and makes his way over to his friend to greet him. Seungkwan only nods at him, and the response puzzles Vernon.

“What?” Seungkwan asks when he notices Vernon silently staring at him.

“Nothing. Having fun?”

Once again, he only nods. Vernon furrows his eyebrows in confusion, but doesn’t press on, knowing fully well that Seungkwan will eventually tell him whatever is going on.

“Have you seen Mingyu?” Vernon shakes his head no and watches as Seungkwan somehow lifts all the cups at once and disappears out of sight without as much as a bye. He wonders if he should’ve stayed home to sleep instead.

He finds Seohyun on the couch, her head lazily thrown back and her eyes glistening in the dim light. She flashes a small smile when she spots Vernon, gesturing for him to sit down.

“I’m getting kind of hungry,” she pouts at him, and he feels like this is his chance to get out.

“I know just the place.”

-

You’re waiting for your ramen to finish cooking, sitting in the window of the convenience store with the neon lights lazily blinking down at you. Those 5 minutes feel like forever, but you’re not hungry enough to eat raw noodles.

The street in front of you is peaceful, even though there’s barely any snow left outside once again. You wonder how your snowman is doing. You wonder how Vernon is doing.

You look up at the clock above the cashier and notice that your food is finally done. Loud giggling grabs your attention from outside the store, and you wish you got more drunk so that you couldn’t be sitting here right now. Vernon’s eyes bore into your own through the glass, an unreadable expression on his face. The girl next to him is obviously lost as to what she’s witnessing, but doesn’t say anything. You quickly gather your belongings, grabbing your dinner too, before rushing out of the store. You glance at the boy one more time, and even though he’s clearly about to say something you rush off home. Tears blur your vision and leave burning trails along your face, but you just want to be home already.

Vernon is too stunned to move, only coming back to reality when he hears Seohyun’s voice.

“Who was that?”

“Just a friend.” A friend. “Let’s go eat.”

Seohyun beams at him, but he wishes he ran after you.

-

New Year’s Eve comes a lot quicker than you wish it did. Fireworks start going off way before midnight, and you can’t help but be annoyed. Maybe more sad than anything else, not really knowing how to feel excited about the new year. It used to be something you found exciting, but over the years it turned into peak isolation and anxiety season for you. Not out of choice, of course, life just happens sometimes.

You haven’t talked to Vernon at all since the convenience store. You haven’t really talked to anyone lately, except for a short call with your family to wish them happy holidays. You weren’t sure what went wrong, or where, but winter always brings a crippling feeling of cosmic insignificance into your life. Loneliness slowly turns into a black hole that absorbs all light and happiness in your life, and you find it harder and harder with each passing day to reach out. By the end of the year the light is barely a pinhole, and you’re sitting in the kitchen once again, watching the fireworks in silence.

-

Vernon can barely recognize their apartment after Seungkwan and Soonyoung are done with decorating, even less once it’s filled with music and all their friends. He doesn’t know most of them, but for one night he can find it in himself to be okay with this arrangement. His phone buzzes in his pocket, and he finds a text from Seohyun telling him that she’s outside. Vernon takes the elevator down to the first floor to let the girl in. He unlocks the door for her, and she hugs him with the brightest smile on her face. Guilt immediately floods Vernon’s chest, but he doesn’t want to back away now, after all he was the one who invited Seohyun to this party. They make their way up in silence and enter the bustling apartment, Seohyun finding Vernon’s hand quickly at the overwhelming sight.

It’s still a few hours until midnight and Vernon wonders why he ever thought this to be a good idea.

A few drinks and a lot more dancing later he already feels worn out. He’s almost a hundred percent sure that there’s people doing the worst thing imaginable in his room, and the thought alone makes him want to leave for the rest of the night. He’s way too close to actually ditching all his friends and his sort-of-date, when Seungkwan suddenly yells over the music and the crowd, telling everyone to get to the rooftop. Vernon’s never been so relieved to hear his friend yell. He lets the crowd go out first, Seohyun still by his side. They leave last, Vernon making sure to close the door behind them. He catches a mischievous glint in Seohyun’s eyes, and she challenges him to a race to the staircase at the other end of the building. He lets out a tired sigh, but the girl tugs on his arm - and possibly his heartstrings - in a way he can’t resist. So they run, giggling and being just a little too loud.

It’s only a few minutes until the new year when they finally join the others, out of breath and still laughing. He can see Seohyun’s lips moving, but can’t make out any of it over the noise of all other people present. Suddenly the cacophony turns into clear chanting, and he can faintly recognise Seungkwan who yells “ten” first. They join in to the countdown, fireworks already going off in the distance.

Three. Two. One.

The crowd erupts in cheers, fireworks going off all around them as they enter a new year. Seohyun looks up into Vernon’s eyes, getting on her tiptoes and gently grabbing the collar of his coat. It feels wrong, so wrong, to lead someone on like this, and somehow Vernon still decides to kiss her, his hands settling on her waist as their lips meet. She smiles into the kiss, one of her hands gently moving up to rest on his cheek.

“Happy new year,” Seohyun whispers, still out of breath, resting her forehead against Vernon’s. He doesn’t say it back.

His phone buzzes away on the kitchen counter, your name weakly flashing on the screen. The call disconnects, and the house falls into darkness, before lighting up once again, this time with a text.

“happy new year”

Then it’s dark again.

-

Soon the days start getting longer and you finally say goodbye to snowy nights. You still dream about draping your scarf around Vernon, late night grocery runs, a kitchen window that’s brighter and doesn’t make you feel like the shell of who you used to be.

However, sleep still doesn’t come easy, it never really did. You occasionally find yourself looking out the same window, the sight comforting you with its continuity. Sometimes all you have is the view and the sill where you dangle your feet into a reality where you don't feel so left behind by life.

Tonight is no different, a blanket over your shoulders as you watch over the city. The distant noise of buzzing life makes you feel at peace, and you’re about to crawl back inside when you hear someone yelling your name. The word almost sounds unfamiliar, not having heard it in a while. You look around for the source of the sound, finally spotting Vernon who blends into the night in his usual all black outfit.

“Hey,” he yells once again, and he continues before you can stop him. “Come down? Please?”

You quickly climb inside, Vernon’s voice drowned out by your heart hammering in your chest. You only put on some slippers as you run out of your apartment, fuzzy sucks on your feet and the same blanket still over your shoulder. The elevator ride seems to take forever, but you finally get down, finding Vernon right outside the building sitting on the stairs. He scrambles to his feet when he hears the door behind him open, staring at you with an unreadable expression on his face. Even though it’s dark, you can see he looks different somehow. Maybe more tired, maybe a little more sad.

“What are you doing here?” The question comes out almost as a whisper.

“I recognized your socks. That sounded a little weird, I’m sorry, I just… Haven’t seen you in a while.”

It’s true, you were focused on your exams and skipped most of your classes whenever you didn’t feel like leaving your apartment for the day. It’s also true that Vernon never called you back or replied to your text since new year’s. He couldn’t bring himself to look you in the eyes after kissing Seohyun, even though he told her everything a few days later. She was very understanding, albeit understandably sad, and they did find good friends in each other with Vernon after all that happened.

“Is that my scarf?” You step closer to him, gently touching the soft fabric.

“I found it in the park. I was gonna bring it back, but then things kind of… happened,” His voice is barely above a whisper and he looks a little too deep into your eyes.

“How’s Seohyun?” You take a step back, and Vernon visibly gulps. Somehow he just knows that you’ve been talking to Seungkwan.

“I think she’s got a girlfriend now, actually. How’s your boyfriend?”

You’re taken aback by his question, his words sharp and purposeful, making you wince. He doesn’t say anything else, holding your stare as if it was a challenge. You feel the tears welling in your eyes, but neither of you move.

“Happy with someone else.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You called me down for this? Really, Vernon?” You snap at him, unwinding the scarf from his neck, tears freely racing down your face and you almost miss the front door as you push it open.

“Fuck you,” you spit at him before slamming the door shut.

-

Monday morning classes roll around once again, and you find yourself in your usual spot in the lecture hall. For a few weeks you sit alone, Vernon vanishing out of your life along with winter. It’s not until spring finally arrives that a familiar head of messy hair is occupying the seat next to yours by the time you arrive. You quietly settle into your chair, choosing to look everywhere except for the boy next to you. There’s still time until class starts, and you consider leaving to avoid whatever is about to happen, but Vernon is quicker, sliding a lone earphone in front of you on the desk. He patiently waits for you to pick it up and place it in your ear, one of your favourite songs already softly playing. He doesn’t say anything for the rest of the class, doodling away in his notebook as usual, and it feels like winter again. When class is over Vernon hurries to leave, but you proceed to stop him in his tracks to give him the earphone back. He almost looks disappointed.

For a moment it’s only the two of you, getting lost in each other’s eyes and wondering when things turned like this, so distant and unfamiliar.

“Wanna go grab some coffee?” Vernon asks suddenly, even though he sounds a little unsure himself. It all feels like the first Monday you met.

The walk is quiet, but not in the comfortable way you’re used to. He still knows your order by heart, and somehow it just makes your chest feel even more tight. Vernon feels like a stranger and your dearest friend at the same time. Sometimes when you look at him too much you go back to the night where things still felt okay and you wonder if he ever thinks about it - about how badly you wanted to hold his hands, kiss him still lying in the snow.

“Your face is gonna stay like that if you frown so much,” he says nonchalantly as he hands you a to-go paper cup.

“I wish,” your words make him snort into his drink as he’s about to take a sip, and it makes you smile too.

You let Vernon lead the way through the neighbourhood, making small talk about all the things you missed in each other’s lives, although you don’t have much to offer having mostly sat at home. You end up on a park bench next to a small lake, and you watch as the ducks peacefully swim along. You wonder if the water isn’t still too cold for them. Vernon is still fiddling with his cup, almost looking somewhat nervous. 

“I missed you,” he says quietly.

“You could’ve texted me.” He doesn’t reply. You do your best not to raise your voice. “At least say something now.”

“What the fuck do you want me to say? Confess my undying love for you? Tell you how I think about you every single day? How guilty I feel that I can’t even bring myself to look you in the eyes?” He’s looking for something, anything in your eyes, but you’re too angry to give it to him that easily.

“Maybe.”

“Oh you’re one to talk, like you’d ever tell me any of it!”

Vernon lets out a frustrated sigh, squeezing the cup in his hands until it buckles. His words fill your head, then your whole body, and you feel like your whole being is vibrating and slowly vanishing at the edges.

Maybe you’ve already fallen hard, hard enough that it did break your body in unspeakable ways. You get up to leave, barely standing on shaky legs, not completely aware of your surroundings. The ringing in your ears gets louder and the air feels a little too thick and the sink is dripping again, and you know you’ll have to get it fixed.

Cold hands come to rest on your face, Vernon’s forehead against yours and you wonder if love is supposed to hurt like this. You close your eyes, the snow is falling and your snowman is smiling at you warmly, your scarf around its neck. A teardrop rolls down your face and you open your eyes slowly.

“Are you okay?”

“Kiss me.”

A sad smile appears on his lips, his hands moving from your face and he wraps his arm around you instead, tucking your face into his neck.

“I promise I will,” He pulls away just enough to see your face. “Another time.”

Your head is still buzzing as he walks you home, gently holding your hand, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of your hand. You’re reluctant to let go when you reach your building, and your hesitation draws a faint smile on Vernon’s face.

He leaves a kiss on your forehead before saying bye.

That night you dream about being a duck, floating on glimmering ponds in the early spring sunset. You wake up crying at 2am.

-

You’re on your way home after a late night grocery run when your phone starts vibrating in your pocket. Vernon’s incoming call confuses you at such an odd hour, but you pick it up anyway. It’s loud on the other end of the line, loud music and even louder screaming drowning out Vernon’s voice almost completely.

“Where are you?” He yells into the phone.

“Out. Why?” You’re not sure if he’s sober.

He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, then suddenly it’s entirely quiet. You check if he’s ended the call. A loud bang reassures you that he’s still there.

“Someone’s having the worst sex I’ve ever witnessed right in my room. Are you free?” The distress in his voice makes you laugh, and you can imagine the frown on his face too well.

“You can come over if you want to, I’ll be home in a bit.”

He doesn’t need much convincing, so you hang up to finally focus on your groceries, grabbing a few extra drinks and snacks for your sudden guest. He’s sitting on the stairs in front of the building when you get home, listening to music that you can faintly make out from his headphones. He notices you as you halt to a stop right in front of him, a tired look on his face as he looks up at you. He smiles at you still and you can’t help but return the gesture.

You blindly reach into your bag, shuffling around for a can of cola that you bought for him. Your fingers finally wrap around the cold metal, and you hand the drink to Vernon, taking another one out for yourself. You take a seat on the stairs next to him, your knees slightly touching - he doesn’t move, so you don’t, either. The wind quietly shakes the barely-there leaves on the trees, and it moves something within you, too.

“I thought you like parties,” you tease him.

“You don’t know what I saw there. Consider yourself lucky, honestly.”

“I mean, you’re lucky that I’m nice enough to offer you my couch for the night.” He scoffs in response, and bumps his knee into yours.

You wonder if Vernon only exists on Mondays and at night.

His profile is sharp and soft at the same time in the flickering, orange light blinking at you from a nearby street lamp. He seems lost in thought and you don’t have it in yourself to bother him right now, not when everything feels so at peace for once. A few faint stars twinkle in the sky, and the moon looks as full as your heart feels. Spring always knew how to take your troubles away - it even happened a little too easily, the ice around your heart melting with the first golden rays of sunshine. 

You know you’re going to be okay.

Almost on instinct you lean your head on Vernon’s shoulder, and you feel his arm circling your waist and squeezing gently, his head coming to rest on top of yours.

Maybe he could help you fix the dripping sink in your bathroom, too.

The lack of sleep finally finds you, the gentle breeze making both of you shiver just enough for you to make your way inside. The elevator has never felt so slow as you wait for it, but when Vernon carefully takes your hand in his, you don’t mind as much anymore. You can feel your face heating up a little, thankful when the elevator dings open. Vernon doesn’t let go of your hand, but you can also tell that his eyes are barely open, so you do your best not to think too much of it even if your skin feels like it’s on fire. You put in your passcode and walk into the small apartment, both of you kicking off your shoes before you lead him into the living room, where he collapses on the couch immediately.

It’s a little endearing somehow, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as he struggles to keep his eyes. You fetch him a blanket and leave a toothbrush on the side of the sink, but he’s fast asleep by the time you get back, a throw pillow tucked under his head. You gently cover him with the blanket, and leave to get ready for bed after whispering a “good night” into the dark room.

You have a hard time falling asleep, wondering if he’s going to be there in the morning.

You dream about having his toothbrush in your cup next to yours.

You wake up to the smell of breakfast, worry flooding your mind before you remember that it’s most likely just Vernon. You slowly open your door, peeking into the kitchen to see him in front of the stove, fumbling with a pan and a pair of chopsticks.

“Smells good,” your sudden voice makes him jump, and he almost drops the pan.

“Just because I don’t know how to unlock the front door you don’t get to scare me to death.”

His focus is back on the eggs in front of him, so you slip into the bathroom to brush your teeth. You grab everything without even looking, but the toothbrush feels foreign in your hand. You look at yourself in the mirror and realise that you’re holding the one that you left out for Vernon last night. Then it hits you, he put it in the cup himself.

You quickly finish your morning routine and walk back into the kitchen where he’s sitting at the table, two plates of food set out for both of you. The sun filters in through the sheer curtain, painting everything golden, and you feel like your heart might rip out of your chest with how it’s hammering away.

Breakfast is quiet and peaceful, Vernon showing no signs of being in a hurry. You thank him for making you food as you place the dishes in the sink, only to find him staring at you when you turn back around. His eyes are soft, a smile playing at the corners of his lips, and you feel almost naked under his gaze.

“What?” You know you’re blushing, but you have nowhere to hide in the small kitchen.

“Nothing.”

The smile doesn’t leave his lips still, and you quickly excuse yourself as you rush into your room, feeling too overwhelmed. It’s weird to have someone, especially him, in your kitchen, looking so domestic and so pretty in the early morning sunlight. You can hear him doing the dishes in the other room and it almost makes you cry. By the time you gather yourself enough to face him again he’s getting ready to leave, one of his shoes already on his feet. You watch in silence, and unlock the door for him when he stands up straight.

He’s halfway out the door when he turns back around and presses a kiss to your cheek; your mouth opens and closes as you try to say something. Vernon says bye with a laugh and leaves you standing there, way too flustered to even close the door.

A neighbour appears in the hallway which prompts you to slam the door shut way too quickly and loudly, pressing your back against it and sliding to the floor.

You wonder if you’re still dreaming.

-

You’re running late to your morning class, having missed your alarm, feeling kind of asleep still. The seat next to yours is empty when you arrive just a few seconds before the professor, and you wish you went back to bed instead of running all the way to school.

The class is halfway through when the door quietly opens and Vernon slips in, two to-go cups in his hands. He looks completely unbothered by the fact that he’s this late as he takes his usual seat. He slides one of the drinks in front of you, your name scribbled on the side of the paper cup. You give him a confused look, but he only nods at you before taking a sip of his coffee. You do the same, quickly realising that he bought you your favourite. Maybe coming to class wasn’t the worst idea.

You leave the lecture together, coming to a halt in front of the building as Vernon spots his friends huddled together in their usual circle.

“There’s gonna be a party tonight,” he turns to you suddenly. “I want you to come.”

His eyes are intense and it makes your heart flutter.

“Okay, I’ll be there. Thank you for the drink.” You give him a soft smile.

“I was gonna be late anyway, so I figured why not.” It’s obvious that he’s not telling the truth, his cheeks turning red along with his ears. It makes you feel warm inside. “I’ll see you tonight?”

“Will you watch the sunset with me before?”

With the way you’re looking at him, he doesn’t think he could say no to you, so he nods and turns to say bye. You stop him, your fingers wrapping around his arm, and you press a quick kiss to his cheek before walking away. He looks even more flustered, his feet glued in place as he watches you disappear into the morning mist.

You can hear his friends faintly as they cheer for him from afar.

-

It’s already getting dark when you rush out of your apartment towards the address that Vernon texted you. The air is crisp against your skin, and you realise you didn’t dress nearly warm enough to be sitting out in the cold, but it’s too late to go back home. You will yourself to a jogging speed, finally spotting Vernon in front of his complex.

“Please tell me the elevator is working,” you say, still trying to catch your breath. “My body was not made for this.”

“Well…” Vernon starts, but the look in your eyes makes him burst out in laughter. “I’m just fucking with you, it’s fine.”

“You better hope it’s fine, or you’ll get to carry me up to the rooftop on your back,” it’s his turn to give you a distraught look.

Lucky for both of you, the elevator is in working condition, so you only have to take the stairs on the last two floors. Vernon makes a show of opening the door leading up to the rooftop, a fond look on his face as he watches you take in the view. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen you this happy. You turn to him and wrap your arms around him in a tight hug, muttering a “thank you” into his coat. The pink sky, along with the last few rays of sunshine make Vernon look even more angelic than you usually find him, and you wonder if he too can hear how fast and loud your heart is beating. He says something that you can’t hear from being lost in thought, but before you can ask him to repeat himself he’s pulling a blanket from his backpack and putting it down on the ground. You both take a seat, sitting close enough that your thighs are touching, your head almost immediately coming to rest on his shoulder.

The city is quietly buzzing away in the distance, glass buildings glistening pink, birds flying across the horizon. Vernon feels warm and familiar, his head on top of yours and his arm around you. You don’t remember the last time you felt so at peace.

The top of the sky is fading into blue, the last bit of sun still poking out from behind the city, but the stars are already visible. It feels like a moment you’ll remember forever.

You’re getting ready to leave, Vernon reaching a hand towards you to help you up. You watch him fold and put the blanket away in silence, and he freezes when he turns around, his backpack in his hands, finally noticing that you’re looking at him.

“What?” 

He looks confused, but you simply step closer instead of replying. Your mind is a mess of incomprehensible thoughts no matter how hard you try to regain control over yourself.

“Can you kiss me?” It’s barely a whisper, your thoughts somewhere far away, somewhere where you’re lying in the snow, eating ramen under neon lights. Somehow, Vernon looks the same kind of dazed.

His bag lands on the ground with a thud, his hands cupping your face as he leans in without thinking, his lips crashing against yours almost hungrily. Your fingers find his collars easily even with your eyes closed, pulling him closer, closer, closer. Your lips move perfectly together, your hearts beating in unison. He tastes like how it feels to wake up next to someone you love, and even though his lips are cold, a warm feeling floods your whole body. You only pull away when your lungs beg you for air, and as your eyes find Vernon’s you can’t help but smile. With his hands still gently resting on your face he wipes away a few stray tears, and you turn your head to the side to press your lips against his palm.

The air feels thick from all the words left unsaid, but they can wait. For now, you’re okay with this.

“I don’t wanna go to that party anymore.”

“I’ve got a better idea.”

-

You’re sitting at your usual table under the flickering neon lights at the convenience store, already having finished your food. For the first time in months, your chest feels light, and you’re not sure if it’s because of spring or Vernon. You don’t mind either way.

He walks you home, almost kisses you goodnight, but you pull away. He looks at you anxiously, waiting for something to happen.

“Sleep over,” you say in a small voice.

“Your couch isn’t that comfortable,” he’s only half joking, a smirk on his lips and his hands reaching to find yours.

“But my bed is.”

The smile vanishes off his face, his eyes widening, and you’re about to make up an excuse, say that you were only joking, when you notice that he’s blushing. Suddenly he nods, beaming at you, and you mimic his expression, pulling him towards the entrance.

It’s odd, having him this close, especially in your own home after having been alone in it for so long. He smells like your shampoo, and tastes like your toothpaste, and it makes you nervous and excited at the same time, your heart feeling too big for your chest.

You watch with a fond look on your face as he moves around in the apartment, and somehow it feels like this is how it’s always been, his comfortable presence filling a void you weren’t even fully aware of.. 

In the dark of your room, under the warm covers, he holds you against his chest as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. He looks at you, his gaze flickering between your eyes and your lips.

“Can I kiss you?” His question makes you let out an airy laugh, but he waits for your answer patiently.

“Only if you promise that you’ll do it again.”

With that, his lips are on yours, softly and slowly. He’s touching you like no one did before, with so much love and patience, that you can’t help but think about how this will break your body in unspeakable ways.

-

When you wake up, his bag is in the corner of your room, his toothbrush is still next to yours in the cup, and the sink isn’t dripping anymore. He’s still asleep, and you trace his features in your mind, trying to memorise how beautiful he looks even like this.

You know you’ll never love anyone as much as this, not in this lifetime.

A fleeting moment of everything and nothing.

[mindthetimes]

On The Movie "Vanilla"

Well this movie was quite the cluster…truck. Van, actually. Or ice cream truck. Well, there wasn't really an ice cream truck, so…and no I wouldn't dare curse on this blog of mine, which I value too…dearly.

"Vanilla" is, quite literally, a play on what we know about the flavor of vanilla. It's not exactly a movie that I can...freely write about at this point of my life, what with the topic that gives me...discomfort, and yes it's a three-letter word, and also with having the same fears as the main character, Elliott, of being...thoroughly unsuccessful. But what I can say is that the road trip frees them up by the end of the movie, but it's not what makes the movie pack a flavorful, delectable, and I'm using fancy words here, piece of cinema.

A road trip movie is not something I'm unfamiliar with, having blogged about Diarios De Motocicleta, 2004, but each one is quite different from every other movie. That's kind of the thing about this...whole car thing. (I don't have a car, just a mini kick scooter.) The road trip...wait, why do I keep saying that? It wasn't technically defined as one, if I may say so myself. The movie is...quite so about the closing and opening, the push and the pull, the forward and backward motion, but also just the fleetingness of it all that is well, the vanilla ice cream. I do want to say that there is something in the movie that is like, this well, I can't say it because I don't want to write about the three-letter word, but that sort of linear flow of the direction here but also this well, wow, shapes. It's...no, I just don't want to mess this up again. How many ice creams have we all had? Does this movie really hit that close to where I'm at for me to feel so washed up with it? But saying that would mean I'm...no I'm not really into all that kind of stuff, and I'm here to leave a review about the movie, and why it's such good cinema!

Yes, back to the matter at hand. There's no denying this isn't one of those aesthetically-pleasing movies but focuses on precision that hits its target. It's kind of like seeing a dejavu and your life flash by in a movie, what with how bleak it is and all. It's like an olympic medalist archer's arrow shooting you straight to the...pee-pee. That's not quite how I would like to describe this movie, but it is and I do not want to talk about.

Much like this blog post, this movie is not a waste of your time at all because it doesn't shoot you on your...private areas, and leaves you motionless. What it does is...oh dear, I have been saying so much rubbish about this movie haven't I? I don't mean any kind of offense at all, I just...I just don't know why I find it hard to describe why this movie is extremely good, to the point where I'm doubting the medium, the time of viewing, the place, the media, the person I'm viewing it with, the exact times I looked away from the screen, the fact that I watched it with earphones on, and everything about my existence as a whole... I could really use a good scream right about now. It's...it's kind of a bit too much but also right, and that's kind of the attack of the movie itself that I'm talking about, and I just...don't know how to respond to it.

Perhaps I'll come back to this movie someday, and it will be an entirely different experience. But for now, that's where it's at. Thanks for reading this.

Edit: If I may, I would also recommend this app for the phone called "Ice Cream Disaster", which the app Elliott was making in the movie reminded me of. The movie wasn't a disaster, though, and no, sorry, I'm not even talking about the movie at this point...

[daisy-nayesha]

𝐚 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐝, 𝐧͟𝐢͟𝐬͟𝐦͟𝐚͟𝐫͟𝐚͟ 𝐡͟𝐚͟𝐫͟𝐮͟𝐧͟.

After spending the whole day going back and forth doing her daily activities, Daisy went straight to lie down on her bed as soon as she arrived in her room. Her right arm rested over her eyes, trying to block out the light in the room as she let out a heavy sigh. It had been a busy day, and she didn’t even bother to change her clothes or remove the earphones that were still hanging from her ears.

“What kind of love have you been dreaming of all this time?”

A woman’s voice flowed through her earphones. That’s when Daisy realized she was still listening to her favorite podcast.

But after hearing the question, Daisy’s mind and body became completely awake. It was as if she hadn’t felt the tiredness she experienced just a moments ago. She reached for her cellphone, which was in her jeans pocket, and noticed a notification from someone she had affectionately saved under a love emoji.

🤍: babe.

A smile appeared on Daisy’s face. That was a text from her boyfriend, Nismara Harun. Without wasting any time, Daisy opened up the message and typed a reply.

Daisy: I’m here.

Daisy: Just arrived at home.

Daisy then walked over to her desk, calmly sat down, and crossed her legs. She took out a piece of paper and pen, and began writing on the blank sheet.

. . .

Dear, Nismara Harun.

I’m writing down this letter not so long after arriving home. I haven’t changed my clothes or taken a few minutes for a bath — I’m pretty sure that when you find out about this, you’ll ask me to clean up myself. But my mind has been completely on you the second I heard a question from my favorite podcaster.

“What kind of love have you been dreaming of all this time?”

So, through this letter, I’m going to write down a story about how I and myself back then looked forward for love.

My dear, dearest, boyfriend.

Fifteen years old Daisy who used to be a huge fan of rom-com novels and dramas, always dreamed about a long and beautiful love story, where a girl and a guy would meet beneath the trees, with sunlight filtering through, and a love song softly playing in their earphones. It would be in that moment when they would realize that they were meant to be together.

And by the time I turned eighteen, I always yearned for the kind of love that made me feel at ease. The kind of love where resting my head on his shoulder would bring me peace. The kind of love that where rushing into his arms would made me feel the warmth. And when our skin brushed against each other, I would sense the heartwarming love between us.

But twenty years old Daisy, she learned that love was so much more than she had ever imagined after meeting you. She learned that love was more than saying “I love you”. That love was more than sharing hugs and kisses. That love was more than buying each other gifts on special days. 

It’s not that all those things I mentioned before weren’t important or that the dreams I used to have are no longer my dreams, but there’s something about love that makes it more special.

Being with you has taught me a lot of things, H. 

I used to think that there would be no kind of love like all the love songs I always heard, or the kind of love that made you feel there were butterflies in your stomach. But you showed me a new world, new feelings I hadn’t experienced before — the kind of love that is so warm and filled with excitement that I’m afraid it might explode beautifully one day.

You showed me how beautiful love is. How beautiful it is to have someone you are excited to text each day. How beautiful it is to be with someone who wants to listen to your not-so-important story. How beautiful it is to spend the entire day with someone you cherish fully. How beautiful it is to run into their arms at the end of the day. How beautiful it is to remember someone you love when a love song plays at a cafe. How beautiful it is to write a letter about your lover. And how beautiful it is to share random jokes with each other.

You bring so much joy into my life, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that. You complete me. 

And when I give you this letter, we will have spent 123 days together. Happy celebrating another thirty with me, my boyfriend. I love you. So dearly, so madly in love with you. Please spend the next twenty-four hours looking forward to me and loving me so badly. Let’s create a lot of beautiful stories together.

Meet me on another 30, okay?

Love,

Your Girlfriend, Daisy. 

[ravetaper]

Capozzi EDC 2023 Cosmic Meadow Live Set

This is a 60-minute audio recording of Capozzi EDC 2023 Cosmic Meadow live set recorded on May 21, 2023, at Electric Daisy Carnival located at Las Vegas Motor Speedway. The set began at 8:30 PM.

Rave Tapes · CAPOZZI EDC 2023 Cosmic Meadow Live Set

I've already commented extensively on Capozzi's set at the Allegiant Rave Hanger, which started 30 minutes after this set ended.

This set, was the big set. Cosmic Meadow is several times bigger than StereoBloom, the more intimate stage she played last year. An 8:30 pm Sunday set seemed ideal. I knew the early timeslot would mean Cosmic Meadow would be full but not packed. One can move and dance without feeling squished. And the grassy meadow makes dancing more pleasurable.

The set itself...I can't comment on it yet. I have to listen a few times.

It's really one of the reasons I record. In the moment, a lot of things can happen that interrupt one's concentration on the music. Gosh, where do I start?

First off, earplugs. Wise ravers protect their ears. I've lucked out. Despite listening for years to loud sound systems, I luckily escaped tinnitus and other hearing problems. But at a certain point in my middle age, I didn't want to push my luck any farther.

I finally found a set of earplugs that stay snug and cut just the right amount of volume. The fidelity is decent. But the fidelity is only decent. Here I am standing in front of a world class system and I'm hearing a muffled version of it. Having a recording to listen to after the fact allows me to enjoy the clarity I had to miss for my own protection.

Then, there are the internal, bodily struggles. EDC is an endurance test. If one isn't prepared - physically and mentally - one will inevitably end up sitting in a chill zone for hours, missing sets, leaving early, or missing the next day entirely. One struggles with thirst, needing to go to the bathroom, sleep deprivation, dehydration, extreme heat, sore muscles, aching feet, and so on. All these issues compounded by the pounding bass and intense lightshow can leave one dumbfounded. Just standing/swaying and keeping composure becomes a challenge. Is a person in that state really listening to the music? I know I float in and out of awareness when I'm in such a daze.

And then there's just the drama that goes hand-in-hand with festivals with 100+k attendees. One is bound to run into folks who aren't up to speed on the PLUR perspective. Some suffer from main character syndrome and don't realize how their behaviors impact those around them. Usually issues resolves themselves. Sometimes security or medical has to be called in. It sucks, but it's a fact of festival life.

Not to mention the drugs and alcohol that might be at play.

So, to be fully aware, fully present, and able to listen carefully to what the dj is doing...is not always possible.

Truth be told, I was a little distracted during part of Capozzi's set (another person was being unthoughtful). Nothing major, and it did get resolved quickly. And the incident was minimized by an outpouring of support and understanding by the surrounding crowd. But I felt I had missed part of a set I had greatly anticipated.

I take comfort knowing I got the bits. I got the signal. Now I can take my time. Now I can drink in the set at my own pace, and appreciate it the way it deserves be appreciated. No earplugs. No idiots causing trouble. Just me and a set of speakers (or earphones) with nothing in between.

I'm going to listen a few more times and decide if I want to write some commentary about it. Listening to it now in full, I can hear there are several tracks that overlap with her later set at Allegiant Rave Hanger. But there are several different tracks, too. So it's def not the same set. Like the rave hanger set, it sounds like she goes a little hard in the second half. And a little dark. This should be good!

Follow Capozzi on Instagram!

Follow Capozzi on Spotify!

Buy Capozzi music on Beatport!

[mhaynoot]

part [1][2]

kim dokja started making videos after he fractured his writing hand and couldn't make anymore notes on WOS. the pain of not being able to write up new chapter updates into his meticulous plans and star stream power levels was almost worse than feeling the bones of his right hand crack.

but, coincidentally, about a week after the fracture, he got a hand me down phone from his relatives.

at first, he was simply esctatic to have a way to read WOS without having to go and use the public library computer. he spent a week rereading all 10 chapters at night in the comfort of his own bedroom. he shivered as the wind ruttled his window but having WOS right there in his hands made it so easy to ignore the early winter chill. he imagined the blanket around him was like the campfire yoo joonhyun's companions had set up. he dug his toes into his socks. now it was toasty with warmth.

eventually though, he found himself constantly flipping through his WOS notebook and irritated with the wrong information, tried to write down updates but hated the jagged writing next to the clean, meticulous plans.

he tried typing and its... better, marginally, but extremely slow trying to press each character down with a single thumb one at a time.

instead, some way or another, he finally found himself looking at the microphone app and like a damn, his thoughts overflowed and drowned itself out into hour long audio recordings. most of it sounded hysterical, but kim dokja was grateful to finally be able to put his thoughts down somewhere.

for a month, he talks and talks and talks until he could almost finally stand the sound of his own voice. whispered in the quiet of the night. muttered into the cheap microphone of his earphones, hidden behind the secluded part of the park. he placed those recordings to accompany his digital notes. eventually he found an app to create videos and that spirals into an obsession of putting presentations and slideshows as he narrates his thoughts over them.

school doesnt become better, home doesnt either but kim dokja finds that the more he talks and talks, the less he has to think.

as he completed his first ever video talking about WOS first chapter and the establishment of characters, he was suddenly scared of losing this work he had made. for once he had created something that wasn't in his notebooks. he wondered what would happen if he lost his phone, the video would be gone.

thus, he made a YooTuu account and uploaded his first ever video there. and then his second (WOS second chapter). and third. and fourth. a year passed by and reslised he had pretty much made an entire log on every single one of WOS current chapters. so he spent his lsst year in high school making several hour long videos on the worldbuilding and characters of WOS.

he doesnt care about the views or subscribers or likes or anything like that. he hade muted the app instantly and unticked any emails or notifcations the app might have wanted to send him. he just wanted to talk about WOS and Yoo Joonhyun and he didnt even realise other people were even looking at his videos until he went to promote WOS on forums and saw his video on one of the threads. with dread, he clicked on link and read through.

guwon_91's video on chapter 5 changed my perception on yjh. i guess maybe he wasn't completely an asshole...

there were several more comments, not all of them good, some of them were bots and a few talked about he needed a better microphone or better quality or his analysis was awful and stuff like that but kim dokja stared and stared and realised why his chest felt simultaneously stuffy and like a balloon had finally been released.

'oh,' he thought. 'i am not kim dokja here.'

and thus began his descent into making videos that weren't just white text on black slides.

part [1][2]

orv influencer au

[betterwind0]

On: 07/05/2022 ✍️ I was getting bored doing nothing . My brain and hand also betrayed me , i couldn't write at that time . Meaningless ! it was. to do something was better doing nothing . So,i decided to go out with my niece . It was 5:45 P.M. She insisted to eat "Puchka"( My Indian sensibility didn't allow me to use any other word instead . They wouldn't be equivalents ) . I'll share the beauty of " Puchka " on someday . It was a nice weather though . I thought it was a correct decision . After fulfilling the desire while returning back my eyes cought a beautiful sight . The sky and the birds were captivating . Birds were going to their nest after an exhausted day . Talking with eachother . I could barely saw their eyes but they had a spark in it . They seemed happy , Safely came home today ! Screaming "Came home!" I was standing still and looking at the sky unitll it get dark or should I say until the colours of the sky remain, Chill wind was blowing my locks, It was a sense of relief and pleasure, I had a smile on the corner of my lips, Clouds were going one side to another, bumping with each other slowly,it seemed as if they were doing it intentionally to tease the one,waiting On the other side... Birds on wire,happily at home Talking and teasing,safely at home Could meet ther dears, at home. At first the sky was yellow with white stripes, and then it became pink with orange touch, The vermilion and a line of golden colour changed the entire sky,Wind blew again and this time it started to take away the clouds, slowly, colours began to fade one by one I was watching them, still standing and waiting, I pictured the last golden and vermilion shade of cloud, it submerged in the sky My eyes cought it before the dark covers it . And I wrote this on that day after coming " Home ". I was too,happy! #eveningvibes #birds #shyam #sanjh #dawn #vermilion #colours #golden #goldentime #gold #manmarziyan #shades #home #homeiswheretheheartis #me #metime #travel #wonderland #world @instagram #blogger #blogspot #blogs #pakhi #nest #ghosla #ghar #panipuri #earphones #longway #happy (at Nalhati) https://www.instagram.com/p/CmolXchIrcF/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[donotnomi]

Finally! Someone giving a perfect excuse to write some SLOW HORSES headcanons! Thank you @shirleydanders. So, here my headcanon about River Cartwright and music:

River doesn’t listen to music because, outside of work, he has a chronic lack of interests. Combining the mild depression he’s had since ending up at Slough House with his general inability to create a network of friends and relationships outside of the Park (see Book 3, where his only friend is Spider, who is in a coma), it seems likely he doesn’t regularly listen to music.

He owns an old pair of wired earphones because, workwise, he wants to be ready in case he needs to listen to some work-related audio at home or when he’s -in theory- off duty. He also has a brand new spare pair. He has everything in duplicate because "having two is like having one and having one is like having none."

After Season 1, he had to replace his phone because Lamb threw his and the others' phones into the drain outside the house where they found Alan Black's head. He bought a new model and discovered it no longer had a traditional headphone jack. He asked Roddy for help, who mocked him for an hour, telling him to buy headphones like his. River still hasn’t done it.

On weekends, when the loneliness becomes oppressive and he doesn’t know how to pass the time until Monday, River turns on an old radio he took from OB’s apartment. His grandmother always listened to it in the kitchen while cooking, and River hasn’t even changed the station it was tuned to. It plays old post-war classics and ballads. Sometimes it keeps him company, but other times he turns it off shortly after turning it on because some songs remind him too much of his grandmother.

River detests country music. Shortly before he ended up at OB’s, his mother dated a country music fanatic for a few months. Little River, only 6 years old, was dragged to a dedicated festival, spending three days in a tent, in the middle of the mud, with his mother and the man. At one point, he even got lost. The memory of that experience makes him dislike the entire genre.

River recently discovered podcasts. He likes listening to them when he takes public transport to and from work. Every morning, he listens to a news roundup, some geopolitics and foreign policy podcasts, and a couple of quirky ones all dedicated to statistics, numbers, trends, and surveys. This way, he feels that the time spent listening is well-invested. When he's down, he listens to a podcast dedicated to the stories of World War I heroes.

Shirley teased him for weeks when she found out he didn't know who Taylor Swift was.

When he was in middle school, his female classmates would constantly listen to and sing Spice Girls songs, so, unintentionally, with his excellent memory, he knows all the lyrics.

If you are in the mood for other Slow Horses headcanons, asks are open!

GUYSSSS I NEED YOUR HELP

what music would river cartwright listen to? i genuinely can't picture him listening to anything except just what's on. i imagine he walks a lot but he raw-dogs his walks or listens to podcasts. but, to be completely honest, i doubt he owns headphones.

if i was forced to say something, i'd probably say he has nostalgia for the songs his granddad liked - maybe some big band stuff, stuff from the 50s? and maybe when he went to uni he picked up a few franz ferdinand and arctic monkeys tracks, but generally i can't envision him listening to anything

does anyone have any thoughts? 👀