#i had found this one belt that was my moms in like the 80s a w h i l e back but like

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Napoleonville [Chapter 10: The House Of Saint Honoratus of Amiens] [Series Finale]

Series Summary: The year is 1988. The town is Napoleonville, Louisiana. You are a small business owner in need of some stress relief. Aemond is a stranger with a taste for domination. But as his secrets are revealed, this casual arrangement becomes something more volatile than either of you could have ever imagined.

Chapter Warnings: Language, sexual content (18+ readers only), dom/sub dynamics, smoking, drinking, drugs, weddings, Willis Warning, infidelity, kids, parenthood, Rice-A-Roni.

Word Count: 6k.

Link to chapter list (and all my writing): HERE.

Taglist: @marvelescvpe @toodlesxcuddles @era127 @at-a-rax-ia @0eessirk8 @arcielee @dd122004dd @humanpurposes @taredhunter @tinykryptonitewerewolf @partnerincrime0 @dr-aegon @persephonerinyes @namelesslosers @burningcoffeetimetravel-fics @daenysx @gemini-mama @chattylurker @moonlightfoxx @huramuna @britt-mf @myspotofcraziness @padfooteyes @targaryenbarbie @trifoliumviridi @joliettes @darkenchantress @florent1s @babyblue711 @minttea07 @bungalowbear @bluerskiees @herfantasyworldd @elizarbell @urmomsgirlfriend1 @fudge13 @strangersunghoon @wickedfrsgrl

Thank you so much for loving this strange, sexy, sweet story. I hope you enjoy the finale. 🥰🧁

Your bare feet in warm grass, your hands around the ropes of the tree swing, no sounds except the ancient psalms of the earth: cicadas, mourning doves, goldfinches, bumble bees, bullfrogs, wind in the leaves of the dogwoods and southern live oaks. The adolescent alligator is at one end of the front yard, sunbathing up by the mouth of the gravel driveway; in the opposite corner are several nutria nibbling on cattails. The sky is a calm, cloudless blue. It’s hot, mid-80s, even when 5:00 p.m. comes and goes; but the breeze is cool as it evaporates the sweat from your temples, your palms, the nape of your neck. It’s as close as Louisiana ever gets to Heaven. It’s a good day for a wedding.

You remember thinking that it was the end of the world when you found out you were pregnant almost exactly eleven years ago, and then again when you realized you would have to divorce Willis, and so you have lived through enough moments like this—these quiet, infinitesimal apocalypses—to know that there will be a future beyond Aemond marrying Christabel. The sun will rise tomorrow, and then it will set, the lightning bugs will appear and the stars will tell myths in the night sky, and the phone will ring as orders come in for the bakery, and Cadi will be back in her bedroom playing her Nintendo, and life will roll on like currents through the bayou: slow, opaque, inevitable. The world isn’t ending, you know that. It’s just full of beautiful things that aren’t for you.

Out on Route 401, a Plymouth Gran Fury zooms by the house, squeals to a halt, and then reverses until Willis can take another look, squinting through his tinted windows. He turns down the driveway and steps out into golden July daylight. He doesn’t pay any attention to the gator as he strides past her. He belongs here, in a place that is old and strange and savage and full of beasts. You have carved out a home for yourself in the swamplands; Willis was born with veins like the roots of a mangrove tree and ancient silt instead of marrow in his bones.

“Hey, sugar,” he says, pushing his sunglasses up into his hair. The wind ruffles the dark curls of his mullet, the bumble bees flee as he tramples clovers. “Ain’t ya supposed to be at the weddin’?”

“I’m sick.” A lie. “But Cadi’s fine, she’s with Amir. She was so excited she actually wore one of the sundresses my mom bought her and had Amir braid a dogwood flower into her hair to match his. You should have seen it. You would’ve been so proud.”

“I’m always proud of her,” Willis says, smiling. And then: “Ya don’t look sick.”

“I am.”

“Ya got one of your headaches?”

You pause. You don’t, but this is a convenient excuse. “Yeah.”

Willis stalls, his hands on his belt. His pistol is there; you remember how he used it in the bayou, how he helped save your life. But he wasn’t the one who jumped into the water. Aemond was willing to risk his body for me, but not his soul. What kind of sense does that make? “Ya had me scared for a minute there,” Willis says.

“What? When?”

“When I thought ya were goin’ to end up with that Rockefeller boy.”

“Aemond?” you say, like it’s so shocking. “No. Absolutely not. It’s impossible.”

“And why’s that?”

You stare into the trees so Willis can’t see the tears welling up in your eyes, the tension in your throat as embers kindle there, pulsing with heat that could char flesh to the bone. “He can’t marry someone like me.”

“I could,” Willis replies, grinning. You glare at him until he recants. “Alright, alright, oublie ça. Pardonne-moi.”

“Why would you be afraid of me and Aemond being together?”

“An oil tycoon? A millionaire? He would never stay here for long. In a town like Napoleonville? Soon as he was done getting’ those rigs up and runnin’, he’d go jettin’ off to some other corner of the world, and he’d take you with him. And Cadi too. I wouldn’t be able to fight that. What’s a parish sheriff to a Targaryen? Who would listen to me? Cadi would be gone and I’d never get her back. It would kill me. It would rip the heart right outta my chest.”

You look up at Willis from where you sit on the tree swing, the soles of your feet colored with soil and grass. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“No?” he asks, perhaps suspicious, perhaps hopeful.

“No,” you promise. “Cadi loves you. Cadi needs you to be in her life. I would never try to take her away from you, Willis.”

He nods; he seems to believe you. And something relaxes in him, like there’s been a tension in the lines of his spine and shoulders that you didn’t notice for years. “I’m sorry about your petit ami.”

“Yeah. Me too.” It comes out like a whisper, brittle and frail. “I’m sorry about Lake Verret.”

“They might be able to fix it. Talk around town is they got some kind of desalination”—he says this with each syllable enunciated distinctly, like he’s put great effort into memorizing it—“process that can take the salt back outta the water. And if that don’t work…” He shrugs with a sly smile. “I’ll survive somehow. The world’s a big place. There’s always another lake.”

You consider him, and you remember—like a dream from the night before that just returned to you—how Willis can be unexpectedly deep, randomly tender. “They should put that on bumper stickers.”

He chuckles and waves as he heads back to his car. “I’ll pick Cadi up on Tuesday. Back to the usual schedule.”

“Sure.” Back to real life. Back to before I met Aemond. And you find yourself wishing that you could forget what it had felt like to be with him; the absence he left feels so much heavier than the nonspecific longing that existed before. Willis’ Plymouth Gran Fury rolls out of the driveway, and you stay precisely where you are on the tree swing, absentmindedly pushing yourself back and forth with your tiptoes and trying to believe that tomorrow this will feel easier, and then even easier the day after that, and eventually it will cease to be anything but a vague recollection, a relic in a rarely-opened drawer, a whisper, an echo. One day, you will stop missing Aemond. One day, you will stop wondering whether a sliver of his life would have been better than none at all.

Inside what Cadi calls the Fall-Down House, the phone rings. You ignore it; if it’s an order for the bakery, they can leave a message. But then it rings again, and again, and you have to answer it. What if your mother had a heart attack? What if Cadi and Amir were in a car accident? You hurry to the kitchen and grab the phone, pink to match the little Panasonic boombox that is presently silent.

“Hello?”

“Hiiiiiii,” Amir says, slow and something else too. Disoriented? Evasive?

Your forehead wrinkles with confusion. “Where are you calling from?” There are definitely no phonelines running to the Chapel of Saint Honoratus of Amiens, a tiny brick-and-stucco edifice built in the 1830s.

“I’m at a McDonald’s up the road. I’ve paid them $5 to let me use the phone.” And then, because he knows it’s the first place your mind will go: “Cadi’s fine. She’s eating Chicken McNuggets. Everyone’s fine.”

“Okay…?”

“I think you should come over here.”

“What, to the chapel?!”

“Yeah.” He’s talking to someone; you can hear an indistinct tangle of voices through the hand he undoubtedly has clasped over the transmitter.

I can’t see Aemond. I can’t see Christabel. There is a lurching in your guts; you are a fish that swallowed a hook. “I thought we agreed that I wasn’t going to go to the wedding.” I can’t handle it. It might kill me.

“Yes, we did, but now…um…I think you will want to make an appearance.”

“Amir, what happened?”

There is more muffled conversation on the other end of the line. “Look,” he tells you. “Things, uh…things are…occurring. And I think it would be better to explain in person.”

“Did you drop the cake?”

“No,” he says, defensive. “The cake is perfect, thank you for your concern. Not a single frosting wildflower was mutilated in the delivery.”

“Then why—?”

“Do you trust me?” Amir asks.

The answer is obvious. Of course. More than anyone. “You know I do.”

“Then go get in your car.”

You glance at the clock on the wall. “Okay, but you know it’s going to take me like 40 minutes to drive to Belle River.”

“That’s fine.” He confers with someone else. “Yeah, that’s good actually, that will work.”

“Great,” you say uncertainly.

“See you soon!” Then Amir hangs up, leaving you alone in the creaks and groans of your ailing house.

You take Route 70 around Lake Verret, gliding past fields of soybeans and sugarcane, paddocks of cattle and horses, marshes of cordgrass occupied by blue herons and white egrets and prowling alligators, stirring awake as the sun begins its descent into the west. More than once, you notice that your Chevy Celebrity’s odometer reports you are travelling well below the speed limit. You aren’t in any hurry to reach the chapel; you don’t want to carry the weight of what you will see there, Christabel in her wedding dress, Aemond in his suit, Alicent anxiously fidgeting and gnawing at her fingernails, Viserys parading around triumphantly. You can’t imagine that there is anything less than torturous for you there. You don’t remember what you’re wearing until you reach Belle River, a small, old town full of double-wide trailers and jetties that run far out into the lake: a simple cotton sundress you threw on this morning without much thought, modest but white and therefore forbidden for a wedding guest. The sky is turning from a sun-drenched cerulean blue to something more soft, more muted, as dusk lurks just a few hours away. The radio is playing Tracy Chapman’s Fast Car.

The Chapel of Saint Honoratus of Amiens was built by a man in extremis. An acclaimed mason by trade, he had been born in France and settled in the New World in Louisiana when it was still in the possession of Napoleon. The mason had a wife and children—some people say 5, others say 8 or 10, though details always seem to grow more elaborate in the retelling, don’t they?—and he loved them dearly. But tragedy struck when every single member of the family, except for the mason himself, fell ill with tuberculosis. When healers of the earth failed to offer sufficient remedies, the mason appealed to a higher power. He built the chapel to implore Honoratus of Amiens, his wife’s favorite saint—she was a baker and a florist, both professions that Honoratus presides over—to intercede with the Almighty on their behalf. This effort proved futile, and as each member of the family died, the mason interred them in a brick vault beneath the altar where they would spend eternity together. Perhaps this makes for a peculiar wedding venue, yet for over a century couples rich and poor, religious and secular have traveled to the chapel to exchange their vows. Perhaps there are few things more romantic than loving someone in the face of total futility: illness, distance, unrequitedness, prohibitions, death.

The chapel sits in a clearing surrounded by live oak trees, massive, hundreds of years old, hanging with Spanish moss, blotting out the sunlight as aisles cascade through gaps in the leaves. As you park in the grass—joining an army of Lexuses, Audis, limousines, Porsches, Ferraris, Cadillacs, Aston Martins, Alfa Romeos, and Amir’s blue Ford Escort—you observe that there are perhaps fifty guests in formal attire milling aimlessly around the building. You peer down at your white sundress, frowning. Well, I can’t go naked. The faux pas will have to be forgiven. You step out of your Chevy Celebrity and make your way across the clearing towards the chapel.

There is a long table set up in the shade with a tower of champagne glasses, an ice sculpture of a dragon, and the banana bread cake you and Amir baked for the wedding. Grim-faced servants in black suits are cutting slices and handing them out to guests on green china plates. You recognize Aegon’s wife Stephanie chatting with a flock of young women in extravagant gowns, golds and emeralds and sapphires. Helaena is among them, wearing a shimmering blue-green color like the scales of her chameleon Dreamfyre. Evidently, the Targaryens’ exotic pets have been left at the mansion for this excursion.

“Well,” the princess of Monaco says sardonically as she takes a bite, the white cream cheese frosting covered with a kaleidoscope of wildflowers. “At least the cake is good. What is this, banana? Whoever heard of a banana wedding cake? I mean, it’s delicious, but still. I knew that Christabel girl was daft. Did you see her positively absurd dress? It looks like children doodled all over it…”

Is it over? you think as you weave through the crowd, largely unnoticed. Is the ceremony done already? Why would Aemond want to see me? To try to convince me to be his mistress one last time? To show me what I’m missing by severing ties with him?

But no: something else has happened. Viserys and Christabel’s father the marquess are embroiled in a heated argument; a nun and two priests are trying to haul them apart.

“You’re dead to me, Viserys!” the marquess roars. “And you’ll be dead to everyone back home once I tell them what you’ve done!”

“I did my part! This has nothing to do with me! Wait…wait…we can figure something else out! Wait! Wait! You can have Daeron!”

Wedding guests are gawking and snapping photos with their polaroid cameras. Upon hearing his name, Daeron glances over towards his father wearily. Alicent’s youngest son is kneeling beside where she has collapsed to the grass, patting her encouragingly on the shoulder as she sobs into a green cloth handkerchief. Criston is there too, trying to soothe her with sympathetic murmurs and a flute of pink champagne glittering with bubbles of carbonation.

“How did this happen?” she wails, peering up at Criston with her vast, dark, glassy eyes. The gold rings on her fingers clang and glint; they match the single hoop earring that Criston wears. Alicent’s gown is purple like royalty, but Criston is dressed in a suit of pale pink; it’s the exact same one Daeron has on. Groomsmen? you wonder. “He knows better than this! We raised him better than this!”

You think, stunned and petrified: Aemond, what the hell did you do?

As you approach the chapel, you note that it appears empty inside; you don’t spot anyone in the pews. Somewhere, a boombox is thundering Higher Love. At the entrance of the building, Christabel is sitting on the brick walkway in her wedding dress. It’s the one you told her to choose: elegant and timeless, long train and short flowing sleeves, silk wildflowers sewn into the white lace. Her bouquet is lying forgotten on the ground beside her. Her lips are a deep, lovely pink; her eyeshadow is gold. She’s smoking, something you’ve never seen her do before. There is a half-crumpled pack of Marlboro Reds and a lighter in her left hand, a single lit cigarette in her right.

“Um, hi, Christabel,” you say. And then, something equally brainless: “Is everything okay?”

“I should have known.” She’s staring out at the crowd, not at you. Her large blue eyes are dull, vacant.

“You should have known what?” Your heart is in your throat; blood pounds in your ears like the hooves of a racehorse.

“That he didn’t care,” she says listlessly. “I could tell that he didn’t. I could feel it. But I didn’t want it to be true, so I told myself it wasn’t. Isn’t that interesting? How we can lie to ourselves? Not that it was entirely my error. Other people meddled plenty. ‘Oh no, Christabel.’ ‘He’s just emotionally stunted, Christabel.’ ‘He’s busy with work, Christabel.’ What man is too busy with work to handle a five-minute phone call? It’s not like he was on the moon. He could have made time if he wanted to. I bet he made lots of time for you.”

“Uh.” You try to decide what to say. “I broke up with him, if that’s what you’re asking. I didn’t want to be his mistress. I didn’t think that was fair to you.” Or me, obviously, but right now doesn’t seem to be the opportune time to voice my own grievances.

“Next time, I’m going to choose who I marry,” Christabel insists, puffing on her cigarette. “He has to talk to me. He has to like me.”

Aemond called it off? What did he say? What is he going to do now? “Christabel…do you know where Aemond is? Or Amir and Cadi?”

“Alicent is so upset,” she says instead. “Poor woman. She’s sweet, in her own way. But I don’t want to end up like her.” Christabel holds up the pack of Marlboros and the lighter. “She feels guilty, I think. She gave me these. She had them in her purse, she has so many neurotic little habits, doesn’t she? It’s not very ladylike to smoke, but it’s not ladylike to get left at the altar either, so fuck it.”

You ask, afraid to know the answer: “Do you hate me? I didn’t know Aemond was engaged when I met him. And then…” Why lie now? What’s the point? “Then I was in love with him and it was kind of…too late to try not to be. But I’m sorry.”

“I don’t hate you,” Christabel replies immediately. “I know he would never be allowed to marry…someone like you. Your options were limited.”

You don’t know if this is meant to be an insult or not. “Thanks.”

“I don’t think I ever loved him either,” Christabel realizes, exhaling smoke. “I think I idolized him. I think I loved my fantasy of what our marriage would be like. But I didn’t love Aemond. I didn’t even know Aemond. You did, I suspect. Good luck with him. He’s a bit…complex.”

“I’m sorry,” you say again, rather compulsively. You aren’t sure what she expects from you. Abruptly, from wherever it’s coming from, Higher Love is cut off. “So, is Aemond, like…around, or…?”

“I don’t regret the sex part.”

“Okay.” You examine the crowd in the clearing again. You still don’t see Aemond.

“That went well,” Christabel muses. “I’m glad my first time is over and done with. I was terrified it would hurt like hell. And so few people know, so it’s almost like it never happened, right?”

“Right,” you say obediently.

“I think I’ll have a new rule. I won’t marry anyone unless he likes me and we sleep together first. Life is too long to spend it with the wrong person, don’t you agree?”

“I totally do.”

“He’s waiting for you inside,” Christabel says, flicking ashes towards the gaping doorway of the chapel.

“Really?” you peer into the shadows; there is indeed a solitary figure standing at the altar. “So…what exactly is happening…?”

“Go,” Christabel urges, and takes a drag on her cigarette. You leave her and cross through the doorway into the chapel.

The light is dim and gentle; fading sunbeams slant in through the glass of the cathedral-style windows. The mason’s inspiration was Gothic architecture, imposing, cavernous. Two candlelit iron chandeliers hang from the high ceiling; the floor is made of tiles of black and white marble. Small stone sculptures of angels watch over their realm like benevolent gargoyles. There is a single stained glass window above the altar: circular like a ring, red and gold like the sun.

He’s waiting for you in a pale pink suit, long disheveled hair, thin mustache with flecks of white powder in it, mischievous smirk. “Hey cake lady,” Aegon says.

“Um. I’m not marrying you.”

“No, you’re definitely not.” Aegon offers you his hand and you take it with some hesitation. “I’m here to be your guide. Just like on the Oregon Trail.”

“What…?”

“Let’s go.” He pulls you out of the chapel, past where Christabel is still sitting at the entranceway, and across the clearing towards the trees. When you look to the crowd, Otto is elbowing his way through disgruntled guests towards a limousine, already idling.

Viserys bellows at him: “Where the hell are you going?!”

“Back to Kiribati!” Otto shouts back, not breaking his stride. He vanishes into the limo.

“Hurry,” Aegon says. He leads you into the forest, a thick canopy of verdant leaves and Spanish moss and the narrow rays of sunshine that tumble down through the gaps.

“Aegon, I don’t think we should be in the woods, it could be dangerous—”

“No, this part is fine. We already checked.”

“Who’s ‘we’?!” You’re wearing flip flops that catch on gnarled roots; the shrieking of cicadas grows loud. One of them buzzes towards Aegon and he screams as he backhands it away.

“You good?” Amir’s voice calls from farther within the trees.

“Yeah. I’m fine. We made it.”

You turn to Aegon. “What’s going on—?”

Suddenly, there is booming music that startles you: “Ooh, baby, do you know what that’s worth? Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth! They say in Heaven, love comes first, we’ll make Heaven a place on Earth! Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth!”

“Aegon, what is that?”

“Uh, I think it’s Heaven Is A Place On Earth.”

“Yes, okay, but why?”

“Ask that guy.” You round a thicket and there under a colossal southern live oak tree, surrounded by hundred-year-old branches that twist down to the earth, is Aemond; but he’s not looking at you. He and Cadi are lighting the last of the candles. She picks them up, he ignites the wick with the same lighter he uses to smoke his Marlboros, and then Cadi places them back on the ground or on top of a branch. Amir is standing by the large black boombox, the same one Aegon always listens to by the Targaryens’ pool. Amir grins craftily, pushing his tortoiseshell glasses up the bridge of his nose. His suit is orange, the single dogwood flower in his hair white.

“Did we get them all?” Aemond asks Cadi.

“Yeah, I think so. Wait, no, there’s one over there!” Cadi darts to it and Aemond lights the candle, then spins around and sees you. He smiles. “Hi, Cupcake.”

“Hi,” you say, so shellshocked you can’t form any of your very vital questions.

“Okay, so we have the candles,” Aemond informs you as Cadi and Aegon go to join Amir. “White with wildflower patterns.” And you recall how Alicent mentioned needing to pick out candles with Christabel, and how you didn’t see any scattered around the chapel. They brought them here. They did it for me. “And we have some actual wildflowers.” He takes the boutonniere off the lapel of his white suit and tucks it into your hair behind your left ear. “And we have Heaven Is A Place On Earth.” He gestures to the boombox. “And I think those were the three things you said you wanted if you were ever going to get married again.”

I did say that. Just once, months ago, the first time he ever came over, the first time he ever touched me. “You remembered.”

“Of course I remembered.” He takes both of your hands in his own. Amir lets out a little squeal and covers his mouth as his eyes begin to glisten. Aemond takes a deep breath. “So, I don’t have a speech, because this is very last-minute. I mean extremely last-minute. But you were right about everything. And I realized I couldn’t live that way. It wouldn’t be fair to you or to me, but it wouldn’t be fair to Christabel either. So I broke it off.”

“Literally at the altar,” Aegon says. “In front of everybody. It was so fucking awkward.”

“Those are not necessary details!” Aemond snaps, then looks back to you and is smiling again. “I know what I want. I’ve known it for as long as I’ve known you. But I wasn’t a strong enough person to make it happen. I’m so sorry. I should have done things differently. I can’t change the past. But everything is going to be different now.”

You gaze up at him as Belinda Carlisle sings, thinking: This can’t be real. I’m going to wake up now.

“On the night we met, you told me you’d never felt chosen,” Aemond says. “I’m choosing you. And, you know.” He nods to her. “Cadi too. And Amir. And the bakery. And dealing with Willis too, I guess. All of it. I’m choosing you and your whole life and that’s exactly where I want to be.”

You can feel the warmth in your face, beaming and hopeful and full of possibilities. Under the shade of the southern live oak, the first lightning bugs are blooming in the air like stars. “What about your family?”

“I’ll figure it out. I don’t think my father can entirely disown me…turns out I’m the only one who understands how the stock market works. But no matter what, you and Cadi are the priority. And my father will have to learn to live with that.”

“Or he can drop dead,” Aegon says. “Whichever.”

It’s possible? We can be together? Not just for a night, an afternoon, a stolen moment, but forever?

“I said I don’t have a speech.” Aemond tells you. His right eye is bright, elated, gleaming like a mirror. “I don’t have a ring either. But I’m going to get you one, if you’ll let me. So I’m asking you, Cupcake: Will you marry me?”

“Say yes, Mom!” Cadi yells, and Amir bursts out laughing.

“Say yes, cake lady!” Aegon adds. “Unlimited Cap’n Crunch Treats!”

When am I going to wake up? When is this going to end?

But it’s not a dream. It’s real. And Aemond reads the answer on your face before you can say it, and so it’s only a murmur as he kisses you, a whisper, a prayer: “Yes.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The three of you drive from the new house all the way to San Francisco; you still call it the new house, even though you’ve owned it for a full year. The journey takes seven days, with overnight stops in Dallas, Wonderland Amusement Park in Amarillo, Albuquerque, Flagstaff, Las Vegas, and Bakersfield. Aemond sold his Audi Quattro and replaced it with a Dodge Caravan. It’s July 1989, and Tom Petty’s brand new single Runnin’ Down A Dream is strumming from the radio. It’s always temperate in San Fran, in the 60s even at the height of summer. The sky is overcast and grey. When Cadi complains that she’s cold despite the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles hoodie you packed for her, Aemond gives her his Marlboro jacket.

Amir, his boyfriend, and two other roommates share a sunshine yellow Italianate townhouse in the Castro District. Aemond parks his wood-paneled Caravan on the steep, inclined street—he narrowly misses colliding with a whooshing cable car, which he blames on poor depth perception—and then helps you carry the luggage inside. There are no alligators on the front porch, but there are neighborhood cats that Amir puts out Friskies for; there are no screaming cicadas, but there are swooping seagulls and the melodies of sidewalk musicians. When Amir opens the door, he nearly tackles you with enthusiasm. He still wears his loud colors and short shorts, but he’s traded in the dogwood flowers he once wove into his hair for dahlias.

Amir’s boyfriend is named Don, but everyone calls him Donald Schwarzenegger because he looks so much like the Austrian bodybuilder turned actor. When Amir first arrived in the city, he got a job as a cake decorator for a very popular bakery, and quickly segued into handling much of their marketing as well. He’s thinking of getting a degree in advertising and trying his luck in corporate America. You very much enjoy teasing him for being a sellout; what would socialist Bayard Rustin say?

“Call your Daddy and let him know we made it safely to the West Coast,” you tell Cadi once her things are unpacked in the guest room she’ll get all to herself; you and Aemond are consigned to the living room futon. Cadi chats with Willis for a while, then says he wants to talk to you. You take the phone, slightly concerned; you hope nothing is amiss with the house. “Hello?”

“What the hell is wrong with this horse?” he demands. “That ain’t no pet. That’s a demon. It’s a goddamn Rougarou.”

“I told you not to try to touch him,” you say, amused.

“I feed him and water him, don’t I? Ain’t that the least he can do? Lettin’ me scratch his big ol’ idiot head?”

“Patches is not very well-behaved. But Cadi loves him.”

“And don’t even get me started on the dog. Ugliest fuckin’ dog I ever saw. Growls every time I show up. Shows its teeth and everythin’. I’d take twenty gators over that son of a bitch any day.”

“Vhagar is a girl,” you say. “Thanks for watching them while we’re out of town.”

“Sure thing, sugar. Although I still don’t understand why the bon a rien can’t do it.”

“Aegon isn’t always…reliable.” But he does seem to be improving. He’s cut back to mostly just booze and marijuana, because otherwise he and Sunfyre aren't allowed to stay at the new house for sleepovers. There’s a guest bedroom, but Aegon prefers the sunken conversation pit in the mauve pink living room. He likes to be where anyone can stumble across him if they wake up in the middle of the night for pancakes or ice cream. He likes to be where people are; he likes to be included. “Anyway, I gotta go. Cadi will call again tomorrow. Enjoy your fishing.”

“Will do. Maybe I’ll toss your accursed animals in as bait.” Lake Verret is still a bit too brackish for a proper freshwater lake, but that’s changing gradually with Daeron’s desalination efforts and a subaquatic plug affixed to the opening of the breached salt dome. He views it as a pioneering experiment in reversing such drilling accidents, potentially for application globally. Now there are more bass and lampreys and catfish, and less breams and gars, but life goes on in Napoleonville’s 14,000-acre lake. Daeron has replaced Aemond as Viserys’ heir apparent, and he is thriving in the role. He is bookish yet empathetic, focused but never ruthless. Furthermore, he happens to be genuinely in love with his aristocratic fiancée: Princess Alexandra of Denmark.

Aemond was right; Viserys didn’t disown him, but he did fire him, ban him from the mansion, and reduce his available funds to a modest living stipend. Fortunately, Viserys has a very limited comprehension of how money works for normal people, and he considers $200,000 per year to be “modest.” With that plus your bakery earnings and a paid-off house, you, Cadi, and Aemond will be living comfortably for the remainder of your lives. Also fortunately, no one else will enforce the no-Aemond rule at The Last Desire, so anytime Viserys is out of town—which is far more often than not—you get to visit the Targaryens at the mansion as much as you please. Cadi loves the water slide and the koi pond. She’s named the fish after Greek deities, her latest obsession: Zeus, Narcissus, Athena, Dionysus, Artemis, Apollo, Echo. Viserys will not acknowledge you, but the rest of the family is polite enough now that the drama of the broken engagement has blown over. When you finish the cookbook of Southern baked goods that you’ve been working on, Alicent had pledged to mail copies to all her friends and relatives back in the U.K. Otto has offered to take a box of them with him next time he jets off for Kiribati; the wealthy housewives marooned in paradise are always on the hunt for new reading material.

On your first night in San Francisco, Amir serves a dinner of cioppino, sourdough bread, and (not homemade) Rice-A-Roni. You provide dessert, a recipe you’re still perfecting: Saint Honoratus cake, a pastry that dates back to Paris in the 1800s. You want to be able to include it in your cookbook, along with photographs from your wedding in the chapel this past May, almost exactly a year from when you and Aemond first met. Your engagement ring has a gold band and pink diamonds arranged to resemble a rockrose, a dauntless little wildflower native to Aemond’s ancestral homeland of Greece. For over a decade you have loved that wildflowers are grown and not bought, small but tenacious, humble yet untamed. They do not wait for other hands to tell them where and how to grow. They are the architects of their own fortune.

When everyone is finished with dessert and gathers around the tv to watch The Golden Girls, Aemond says he’s going outside for a smoke break; but you know he’s trying to quit. You follow him into the small backyard and as soon as your bare feet touch the grass, he’s pushed you against the wall of the house, forced your thighs apart, slipped his hand down the front of your shorts as he watches the amazed, electrified desire rise in your face like heat from a stove. “It’s been a week, and I need you,” Aemond murmurs, his lips ghosting across your throat, his hips braced insistently against yours, and then he kisses you to stifle your moans as you bury your fingers in his hair, to swallow down the vicarious ecstasy of every wondrous thing he’s ever done to you and ever will. “I don’t even need you to get me off. I just need to see you like this.”

Trusting him, wanting him, letting him make me come.

Aemond has been accepted into UC Berkeley’s History PhD program and will start there at the end of August. He wants to write books about underrecognized heroes, extraordinary and yet unassuming people like Bayard Rustin and Bobbi Campbell and Phillis Wheatley. You’ll miss him of course, but there will be breaks for holidays and summers when he can return to Napoleonville, and you can fly out to visit him too, and there are phone calls, and postcards, and one day you’ll be able to go anywhere together—

You gasp, a shaky, starving breath, your lips grinning into Aemond’s. You’re close, you’re so close.

There is a shrill whistle from the back porch of a townhouse from the row behind Amir’s. “Get it, honey!” a man in a leopard-print robe cheers, waving the newspaper he’d been reading. You and Aemond unravel from each other, laughing hysterically.

“Okay,” you tell him, still panting. “Bad plan. We are clearly not accustomed to city life.”

“Tonight,” Aemond says, low and commanding. He returns to you, kissing the side of your face: temple, cheekbone, the curve of your jaw. His voice is dark, jagged glass; his lips are soft like kind dreams. “On the futon, on the floor, anywhere.”

You want it too, but you know the game. “No.”

He pins you to the wall again, powerful, irresistible, his hardness grinding against you through his jeans, everything about him—voice, flesh, rhythm, soul—promising you the peace only he has ever given you, proving that being at the right person’s mercy can make you free. “I’m in charge now. Let me take care of you.” And for a split second you almost beg: Just do it, Aemond, right now, please touch me again, I don’t care if a stranger sees. I want you now, I want you forever.

Instead you smile up at him, the whirls of your fingerprints skating harmlessly over his scarred left cheek as you answer: “Yes sir.”

[seeminglydark]

1. since john tries to stay away from tech as much as possible, i think it would be funny to see what would happen if he got his hands on like a secondhand e-reader or laptop and what it would look like if he tried to use it. it would also be cool to see if or what kind of stickers he would use to decorate it.

2. i know it’s kind of a difficult topic. but since i’ve been reading your comic, I think the “Creaky” storyline is one of my favorites. Being able to escape a difficult upbringing and being able to find solace and comfort in found family. I’ve imagined that with the help of his newfound friends, John would go back to his father’s house and take back some of his most prized possessions because I think John would be the type of person that would value things and attach those objects to memories of people. I think it would be fun to see how John adapted to a new environment and being able to live freely (full-time) and thrift for clothes and other things. I think it would be interesting to see his thoughts of when he entered his first apartment and see how he decorated it and see how it has evolved into the glimpses that we’ve seen.

hahaha while i understand what you're asking here, he would of course one hundred percent fumble it, the last thing he had was a flip phone from the early 2000's when he was in highschool, so of course he wouldnt be good with laptops or anything. as far as an e-reader goes, john is severely dyslexic (undiagnosed, so untreated) and reading is already a huge struggle, which is why he uses the walkman and listens to audio books. the truth is, were he to get his hands on these things, he simply wouldnt use them. but its fun to imagine him like my 80 year old dad doing the ol' point and shoot typing style with two fingers! Caro and Maddie show him things on their phone and on the internet all the time anyway, so hes not missing the good memes ha! Creaky is also my fave storyline, I'm so glad you're enjoying it! To answer your first question, no, he wouldn't actually go to his dads at any point, and even if he did, none of his stuff would still exist sadly. on a brighter note, he DOES get to retrieve some of his old things, either after hooking back up with Caro (who has his battle jacket, fuck belt and a few other things) and because his Highschool pals Georgie and Dee would totally have a ton of his stuff in the back of Dee's van, so he'd get his walkman, some clothes, his cross earrings that belonged to his mom, and a few other precious things, and you are right, he does connect objects to people. His biggest problem is not remembering much about what some of those connections were. Another factor here is the fact that there is a protection order between he and his ad put in place by Maddie's stepdad Dr Parker, John's dad isnt allowed within a certain amount of distance to John so, going to his house wouldnt be allowed. Even with his friends (in Seemingly Dark, the Fenris chapter) facing down with his father is almost impossible because of his fear and trauma. There will be more about that in the future! on the second note, im actually in process of turning Creaky into a stand-alone book! Which is why I haven't drawn anything here in reply to Johns reactions to new places, new friends and new environments, its all things I want to explore more in depth in the new version of my fave story line. <3 Heres links to some of the progress on the New Creaky! and here!

[rainintheevening]

Obi-Wan and Anakin, 80.

Writing this to avoid another thing.

From 100 Ways to say I love you.

Modern AU, some angst, mostly brotherly feels. Anakin is mid-20s, so Obi-Wan is late 30s. I hope this mostly explains itself, it's 2 am. Also @ablatheringblatherskite, welcome to that au I mentioned.

80. "Is your seat belt on?"

He called Obi-Wan on his way out of Dallas, windshield wipers keeping a regular tempo, the cell connection crackling with each flash of lightning.

"Ani?" Even on a tinny speaker phone, his big brother's voice sounded strong and warm. "How did it go?"

He sighed, sat back, tucked the phone into his shirt pocket, so he could keep both hands on the wheel. A lump swelled in his throat, and he wished he was home in Galaxy already.

"It wasn't her." Rip the bandaid off... "I think I knew when I saw her. Her story didn't line up either; her son would have been older than me, by a few years."

A brief silence, Obi-Wan searching for words no doubt. "You won't bother with blood tests?"

"Nah."

For a moment Anakin wanted to be angry, but at who or what, he didn't know. Certainly not his first mother, wherever she was, who must still think him dead. Nor Dad and Mom, who had only believed they did a good thing in making Anakin theirs, which they had.

Certainly not Padmé who had been crushed to see her lead turn out to be no lead at all. And certainly not Obi-Wan, who he knew would try to go to bed, but lie awake until Anakin pulled into the drive, and then would come down to the kitchen and make hot chocolate like Dad used to.

Thinking about who he wasn't angry with, made him not want to think about who he should be angry with, and he shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Ani." Obi-Wan’s voice was almost unbearably gentle, and Anakin had to bite his tongue to hold back the sudden burn of tears. Later.

"Yeah," he choked out.

"What time do you think you'll make it back?"

A glance at the clock on the radio. "One. Ish." He cleared his throat. "As long as traffic stays clear. Which it probably won't with this rain."

"Well, drive safely, okay? Is your seat belt on?"

Anakin huffed, rolled his eyes a little. "Yes, Mom."

It had been once, seriously! Well, maybe a few other times, but he'd only gotten a ticket once. And that was only back home in Galaxy, not on a freaking freeway!

"Don't roll your eyes while you're driving." That was Obi-Wan's teacher voice.

"But you do sound just like Mom."

A brief silence, then Obi-Wan sighed. "I bet she heard that in Heaven."

Anakin grinned suddenly, swinging into the left lane to get past the fountain flying up from a semi's wheels. "She'd be proud of you."

Again a silence. "I have tried." Obi-Wan’s voice was low, almost as if he spoke to himself more than Anakin. "I've done my best to raise you, like they would have."

Aw, shoot, Anakin was going to cry again. It hadn't been easy, he knew. After the accident, Obi-Wan had been everything for him—mother, father, brother, best friend.

A deep ache of love welled up in his chest, and he found himself smiling, smiling like he wasn't tired, and hopeless, and emotionally drained. He spoke the words without thinking about them.

"I had my birth mom for three years. I had Dad and Mom for eight. But I can't remember not having you. You’ve always been there, and I'll never need a piece of paper to tell me you're my family. Nothing, not even death can change that."

Obi-Wan took even longer to respond this time, giving Anakin enough time to feel heat creeping up his neck, his admittedly dramatic statement seeming to hang awkwardly in the air. He tried to focus on driving, and told himself it didn't matter, because every word was true.

"You're worth it."

Now Anakin let himself groan, and he eased uo on the gas. "Okay, brother, save it for when I get home." He swiped the back of his hand across his eyes. "Don't want to crash because you started cutting onions."

Obi-Wan’s chuckle sounded a little forced. "Of course. I should go, anyway. Get back to grading papers. And remember, if you get sleepy, pull over and take a nap!"

"Yeah, I will."

"Call me if you need anything."

Anakin sighed. "Okay, Obi."

Now the smile in his voice sounded natural. "I love you, little brother."

The exchange was an old one, worn soft like a good t-shirt. "I love you too, big brother."

Nothing else, no bother with 'goodbye', just the call-end noise.

Anakin flipped on the radio to the country station, tossed his phone on the passenger seat. Took a sip of his coffee.

He hoped the drive would pass quickly. He hoped he wouldn't have to go in late to work in the morning.

He did give his seat belt a tug. You know, just to check.

[brian-mays-hair]

How did you get into Queen/classic rock?

whew, this is going to be a long one

i’ve always been familiar with classic rock, when i was like 4 or 5 my dad was in a band and their gigs were at this run down house that he inherited (i promise we weren’t rich like it didn’t even have working plumbing)

around the same time, my mom owned her own business so i would go to work with her and we would listen to the classic rock station we could pick up so i knew a lot of the songs that would play

my dad and i pretty much exclusively listened to 70s/80s music (mainly ELO, Hall and Oates, Eagles, Ozzy, and Kiss) with occasional 90s pop and grunge sprinkled in there

i grew up in a very small rural community, population of a little over 2,000 people, and in small towns you’re seen as an outsider if you don’t fit this certain image, at least that’s how it was when i was growing up

the school that i went to was a segregation academy unfortunately so there were only about 300 kids Pre-K-12th grade, there were about 12 kids including me in the class and 10 of them were girls. I was usually the one that got picked on because I was different, I didn’t wear the trendy clothes that everyone else wore (mainly because we were poor but i didn’t want to wear them anyway), i didn’t listen to the same music, i didn’t watch the same movies or tv shows so naturally i was made an easy target.

i wanted to be liked because my mom was a people pleaser and it took me forever to get over that mindset i inherited from her, i was always so worried what people would say about me so i started assimilating, i started listening to the disney channel and Nickelodeon music, i watched the shows and started dressing trendier so i left all of the stuff that really made me happy behind so i could fit in

flash forward a few years to about 2012, we moved to a bigger city because my dad got a new job and i went to public school for the first time where obviously you meet a lot of different people from a lot of different backgrounds, i had friends for the first time that grew up similar to i did, they didn’t live in the nicer houses in town either and they didn’t all have the same personalities or interests so i learned that it was okay to be different.

the summer before 7th grade, i started listening to older music again. I got my ‘1’ album out by the beatles and listened to it non stop, i was also super into youtube at the time and watching music videos, somehow i stumbled upon the killer queen top of the pops video and that literally changed my life. i started reading their wikipedia page and realized they wrote all of these songs that i knew and loved. i started listening to their albums in full and knew this is what music was supposed to sound like.

This was also during the height of Pandora radio so i used to play ‘Queen’ stations and that’s how I discovered Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, and Clapton mainly.

Alright this is a little side story, my freshman year of high school I had a part time job as a hostess at a mexican restaurant and one of my neighbors was having a yard sale, they were selling one of those big cabinet record players with an 8 track player and a radio. The record player actually didn’t work, the belt was stretched out so i found a station i liked and kept it on 24/7 the entire time i was in high school, that exposed me to more 70s/80s artists and my most beloved bands like the Police, Billy Joel, Phil Collins, and Steely Dan

Hope that answered your question and other ones you didn’t ask, thanks for the ask! 🤍

[taperwolf]

With a lot of the vintage electronics I see in thrift stores, even the sort I collect or take pictures of, I don't have a personal attachment. I appreciate the aesthetics and techniques, and I was around — or at least adjacent — for various developments from the '80s on, but I didn't have direct experience of them, so there's not that immediate nostalgia.

But seeing this guy was a bit of a divergence on that score.

The Toshiba RP-52 wasn't exactly a portable FM radio. It was most of one, but there's no speaker, no headphone jack, no audio production capability of its own. Instead, it was an accessory — an FM radio module shaped like a tape cassette — for Toshiba's KT series of portable stereo tape decks (the KT-S1, -S2, and -S3 players, and the -R1 and -R2 recorders.) They wouldn't work with any other cassette players, mind; unlike the later cassette-shaped adapters that everyone with a discman or an MP3 player had for their car stereo tape deck, they hooked directly into the electronics via spring pins rather than electromagnetically pretending to be a tape.

One of this series — I'm not entirely sure which, but it might have been one of the recorders — was my parents' first Walkman-like device. My mom's dad was a big gadget hound, and for Christmas 1981 or 1982 he had found a number of Japanese-made gadgets for different family members, including getting my uncle a transforming robot toy, the first I'd ever seen. (I have no idea what exactly it was, just that it folded into something else, and that its fists were spring-loaded and would launch themselves across the room when triggered.) For mom and dad, he got the tape player, complete with the little headphones, two radio modules, and a vinyl cover with a shoulder strap and belt loop.

The tape player was a very solid device, and a great example of its type, but I remember best how cool it was to snap the radio (this blue module for FM, or a red one for AM) into it and turn the round tuning knob on the front through a window in the cassette tray cover.

(I left the RP-52 in the store; even if the price weren't exorbitant, rebuilding a childhood audio setup starting from the optional and unusable FM radio module is a little silly. But man, it was a rush seeing the thing.)

[throughhazeleyesofgreen]

John Winchester Thoughts Part 1

So, I’m having some John Winchester thoughts on this early Sunday morning as I try to work out how to portray him in my upcoming fic series. A polarizing topic I know but I wanted to share some insights I’ve been thinking about as I dive into the SPN whirlpool for the umpteenth time.

Now while I know some see John Winchester as being abusive, neglectful father at best and right next to the devil at worst, I think the man is much more nuanced than that. I do agree that John was very neglectful to both Sam and Dean at times and there are multiple times in cannon when it referenced, particularly in the early seasons which is where I am drawing most of this portrayal from, but I don’t know if he was out and out physically/verbally abusive as some portray him as. Here are my thoughts as to why.

Now one thing to consider when looking at how John raised the boys, both Dean and Sam were raised in the 80s and 90s. Corporal punishment from parents was very normalized during this time though it was often hidden behind closed doors. I think this is one aspect of their childhood that some of the younger fans have trouble understanding. I know when I was young in the 90s, I had a best friend whose father used the belt very heavily in disciplining his children and it was used as an overarching threat to guarantee good behavior from all kids that spent time in the household. I was also a kid that was spanked on occasion when I acted out though the occasions were rare. It was also used as a threat to guarantee good behavior. This was considered 100% normal at the time and was only really considered abusive if the parent used it excessively and found enjoyment out of the act.

You also have to remember that John is also from the Boomer generation who was also very much raised by parents that used corporal punishments heavily and it wasn’t really hidden by society. If you want a perfect example of this, watch Yankee Doodle Dandy where a kid is disciplined by his father for acting out and talking back to his dad. The act is done very graphically with a belt and in full view of the entire family.

I have also had conversations with my mother where she described punishments like this from her upbringing where this type of punishment was done very publicly and it was considered completely normal by society if not expected for the parent to do. My mom to this day will still side with her father on taking a switch to her for her running down the road and getting near heavy car traffic. She knows it was done out of care and concern from her dad for almost getting killed and it guaranteed she would never do it again. Never mind, she was all of 2-3 at the time and didn’t know better.

Long story short, this was the society John was raised in and it would have been considered completely normal to use corporal punishment on his kids, particularly in matters of life and death or bad behavior. This also was likely internalized by Sam and Dean when they were kids and only questioned as they became adults when society’s viewpoint on parenting styles was changing. So while Sam and Dean were likely physically disciplined as kids, it probably wasn’t thought of as more than “I fucked up, I got punished with the belt, spanked, etc” and case over. I see a lot of this mentality shown by Sam and Dean in the early seasons as I see in my own generation so take that as you will.

[savebylou]

I wanted to write my thoughts about aotv otherwise I will forget my initial reaction. I really can't write short thoughts so it's a long post.

Things that I like or stand out in not particular order:

-The confidence of Louis: It's really show in the documentary, the fact that he didn't think to be a solo artist after 1d and then after the x factor performance and seeing with time how still had love and support from fans and he started to think about it and the support of his mom, team and loves ones help him wanted to be a solo artist.

Even I know being on 1D was really meaningful for him, the team behind the band suck, Syco and Modest where the worst combination for everyone but particularly for Louis they never let him feel worth it and that is something he had to build himself on the band against "all of those voices" who were telling him he is not important (that part of him wanted a solo on Gotta Be You and he didn't get it was horrible), thank god for Louis character that he didn't stop fighting and find his place during one direction and after, because I can't imagine a world without Louis music and songwriting.

The Louis you see on the first Dallas show is a different Louis than the one in Milán. The Louis from Milán had 80+ show under his belt, he saw the love of fans around the world, he saw the meaning of his songs, he saw that he was love and worth it and that even if people in the industry didn't believe in him, his family , friends, team and fans believe in him. His confidence in each show keep growing and it was something beautiful to see.

-Louis team/band: I think is so great that Louis has find people that he can trust and understand him, support him, love him and see the artist and person he is and how much things he can and will achieve because he is talented and is determined. Is so nice to see how close he and the band are and the difference between Louis vs. other artist in terms of them hanging out and being treated equally.

Since AFHF documentary I had so much appreciation for Helene. She is such a supportive and amazing vocal coach. Is so nice to see how she is always encouraging Louis to trust his ability and that he will be a different artist after every tour getting better and better.

Oli was so sweet and fun to see. I supposed he was a fun guy to be friends with Louis but it was nice to see on the documentary and I like that he was so supportive after Louis performed and said it was better than 1d. Joni in a voice over said that Louis took the best fans of one direction and I thought that was sweet.

-Louis family: Even I knew for spoilers they will talk about Jay and Fizzy it was hard to watch and I can imagine how hard was for Louis to let that part of his life show for all the people to see. He is really brave and same with their family, can't imagine how hard was for them to talk about such a difficult time. It's nice to see they all support each other.

-Behind the tour: I like to see the night behind Portland night 2 and how everything work, that was by far my favorite show. The times in Iceland or Brasil, it was great to see that they hang out and be normal.

- Doing FITF: Even if it was brief I love this part, it was so interesting to see him on the studio and how the other collaborators said to him that if he does the vocals the way that he wants they don't really have to retouch or do a lot of post production with his vocal (something like that) which I find it so refreshing to hear people said to him that his voice is enough, the way he sings it it's great. I also found it so interesting him hearing the album on the plane with his manager making notes of what he wanted to change. This man was on a plane making changes to create the masterpiece of FITF. I wish we had see more of that but I get that not everyone want cameras on the writing process.

-One direction: This was really heartbreaking, you can see the struggle on Louis face before the last performance, and he talking on camera about how he handle the news etc. It's different to hear it in interviews that see it the footage of him being sad and dealing with that change and even after how weird was for him that Liam or Nail sing 1d songs.

-The car interview. There is a fragment after the James Corden show when outside he is taking pictures with fans and leaves in a car, he explains how it takes time to adjust mentally when fans ask for pictures etc. Because when he doesn't do that he is a normal guy doing his life and it takes times to adjust to that change when he does press and see fans, I find it really interesting the thought process.

-The soundtrack: I think the way they place the songs from 1D and especially the ones with Louis album fit so well. I just love hearing Louis songs on the cinema it sounds so freaking good.

-The final line of finally feel that what he has achieve thinks he deserves it and saying out loud for the first time was beautiful to hear and really meaningful and showing the footage from kid to him in the solo tour, perfect editing.

Things I didn't like:

-I guess I wanted more content? I think because I saw AFHF documentary they use part of the footage so it was kind of boring for me that segment, I get why they put that fragment because it explains the timeline with COVID but I wish they use other footage or only a brief narration with Louis talking about it. I just wanted more content. The Fallon and Corden interview they weren't necessary, maybe just the backstage part and after him with fans and the interview on the car, but at some points was a little repetitive of content I really had saw and was hoping for more new content I mean Charlie has footage for years.

-The fans interviews: I really felt that they show only one type of fan, the fan that spends so much money on so many shows and is willing to camp for days just to be more close to him and travel around the world to see him. This type of fan is a privilege fan, which I mean good for them that is how they want to spend their money and time, but there are different fans of Louis (also there are negative aspects of camping for days in terms of health of the fans). I wish it was show more of how fans see Louis, his music, him as an artist, how much the music mean to them, something, it doesn't have to be that specific but jus this only type of fan just shows fans who put the life on hold to follow Louis around, it just shows a devouted-crazy fan but not a meaningful why they are a fan. The stalker purple girl was a choice, I just really don't get why this people get so much validation when some behavior is scary.

-About the LATAM crowd/shows. I really hate this US/UK whatever nationality they have fans speak about the LATAM audience, I didn't think I need it outside fans to tell how Latinos(as) are as fans, it was already explain in the documentary by Louis and his team and now you interviews this privilege fans to explain it? Why? There are plenty of fans who speak English and can explain it and you can also film it speaking in Spanish or Portuguese and then find a translator. I just think it was a waste opportunity to not interview more LATAM fans and if he did at least show more that footage. I think Charlie wasn't in a lot of the LATAM tour but at least ask Joshua to do it. You know why the energy different Charlie? Because international artist visit each countries like once every 3-5 years, so when they visit there is a lot of excitement and you want the artist to feel love and with the feeling of wanting to come back soon. I think they only show some interviews from fans who camp for months? Again this narrative of fans putting the life on hold just to be as close as possible to Louis. Gracias pero no gracias.

-I really don't want to talk to much about the obvious but I will said it it's really clear that Louis want to show certain narrative and it's working for some fans so..I will just said that body languages speaks volumes and it felt awkward and really long for me. But he knows what he is doing even if I don't understand it the reason behind it.

-I wish they show the Asia leg tour and the Australia shows at least some. I guess they didn't show it because post production?

Overall it was a good documentary, I think it shows Louis as a person and the different things he had to deal with in his life & career to get to a certain point of success and confidence of him as an artist. I'm just so proud he did this worldwide, the amount of excitement and fans around the world who got the opportunity to see him on the big screen was something really special and seems from articles that did great in sells in different countries. Hopefully soon it can stream for fans who couldn't watch it and I think the gp could watch it when it's on streaming platforms and learn about Louis.

I always love Louis content, either small interview or a documentary is great to learn a little bit more about his thought process and experiences as an artist. I hope this is not the last documentary he does and I know the sky is the limit for Louis, can't wait to see what he has plan for the future.

[arabellaflynn]

Advent Calendar 02: The (Not So) Final Fantasy

Greetings, and welcome to Advent Calendar 2022! This year we're being self-indulgent and rambling about video games.

As usual, the Advent Calendar is also a pledge drive. Subscribe to my writing Patreon here by December 15th for at least $5/mo and get an e-card for Ratmas; subscribe for $20/mo (and drop me a mailing address) and you'll get a real paper one!

I hope you're all having a happy winter holiday season. Let the nerd rambling commence!

I managed to remember the full list of games we played over the holiday breaks -- it's pretty much a Who's Who of major console RPGs of the time. Heavy on first-party Zelda titles, obviously, but also on Squaresoft and Enix, the two major publishers of the day. The list has a couple of interesting gaps; unlike today, where Google will show you where to buy literally anything, back in the '80s it was not necessarily easy to get your hands on a title that wasn't currently under promotion. This was doubly true for console RPGs. While you could probably find your chosen Mario game whenever you looked (or Castlevania, or Metroid), RPGs were expensive and comparatively poor sellers in the West, and so had much smaller print runs in North America and Europe.

The Legend of Zelda is really more of an action dungeon-crawler than a true RPG. You get fancier swords and shields, but Link doesn't really "level" like you'd expect, and there's no story to progress. Your only "plot" is a paragraph right after the title screen containing both your excuse to run around Hyrule stabbing things (lost princess) and how you know it's time to stop running around Hyrule stabbing things (princess found).

The games that introduced Americans to what we would now recognize as the console JRPG were Dragon Warrior (né Dragon Quest, 1989) and Final Fantasy (1990), both of which we played.

Of the two, I remember Final Fantasy the best. You got a four-person party, whom you could name, and there were four of us sitting around the TV. Dad was the fighter, obviously; Mom was a black belt; my sister and I were the black and white mages, although I can't recall which way around that went. I was probably the white mage, being a redhead. The robes worn by the black and white mages have persisted through Final Fantasy history, appearing as job costumes in Final Fantasy V and Final Fantasy Tactics games (and Final Fantasy X-2, a then-rare spinoff), as character elements in Final Fantasy IX for Dagger and Vivi, and God only knows what in the most recent installments that I haven't played, because I refuse to buy a $600 specialized gaming computer just to play one thing, and Google Stadia sadly seems to suck.

Dragon Warrior was almost more traditional before the actual traditions began, borrowing much more heavily from the Celtic-influenced fantasy settings of tabletop games like Dungeons & Dragons, which themselves got most of it from Tolkien. Dragon Quest games in general are pretty much straight-up sword-and-sorcery affairs, where Final Fantasy games, frankly, tend to get weird at the end. Dragon Warrior ended with you journeying through a poison swamp to defeat a big ol' dragon. Final Fantasy ended with you taking your airship into a sky realm to break a stable time loop. Potayto, potahto. 

Both games came with a ton of paper doodads in tbe box. The manuals were always pretty fat, another consequence of the Nintendo Hint Line being the only place to ask questions if you were baffled by some random subsystem of the game. All of these things also came with a big fold-out map, which I think would probably be seen as cheating today. The back of it usually had a reference list of monsters or equipment stats on it, which was actually doable before there were 65 million pieces of semi-randomized craftable equipment in every game. The Final Fantasy map was double-sided, with dungeons on one face and spell and equipment stats on the other. (There was no world map. You could actually see a world map in the game, which was extremely fancy at the time.) Dragon Warrior gave you the world map on paper, and put the monster regions on the other side.

Both the maps and the manual art were sadly redrawn for the North American release. The Japanese version of Final Fantasy had art by Amano Yoshitaka (more famous now for Vampire Hunter D) and the Dragon Quest games are I think still done by Toriyama Akira (aka, the Dragonball guy).

from Blogger https://ift.tt/D8yL4Pn via IFTTT -------------------- Enjoy my writing? Consider becoming a Patron, subscribing via Kindle, or just toss a little something in my tip jar. Thanks!

[cerneterydrive]

//

[tangledstarlight]

...i said i was going to make it and well, here we are i guess. im so sorry for this.

Carlos Molina’s to Guide to Ghost Hood (title subject to change) 

welcome to the 1st edition, maybe i’ll make a 2nd if i get inspired enough but also, this is such a mess already i don’t think the world needs a part 2 dfghg

Link to the power point is in the first reblog. (i’d highly recommend watching it for the full experience dfgh)

Link to ao3 also in the first reblog. 

below the cut is the accompanying fic and description of the rules/guide.

The tape recorder lets out a low buzzing sound as Carlos presses a button on the side and stands it up between them on the dining room table. Julie shoots an amused glance at Reggie who’s taken up residence in the chair next to him, the two of them flipping open notebooks and clutching pencils. 

“Where did you even find a tape recorder?” She wonders, stretching out a finger to touch the silver rectangle only for her hand to be swatted away by Reggie.

“Found it in a box of moms stuff and dad said we could order some tapes from amazon,” Carlos replies matter of factly, straightening up in his chair once he seems to have found the page he was looking for. “Right. Let's start off easy, shall we?” 

He looks at her expectantly and Julie rolls her eyes, waving a hand at the two of them, “Lets.” 

“Question one,” Carlos taps his pencil at the top of his page before squinting at her, “Did you conduct any séance related activities before the ghosts showed up?” 

Julie blinks at him, wondering if he’s joking but the pair of them just look back at her, heads both slightly tilted and it’s at that moment that she realises how serious they’re going to be about this. It was going to be a long afternoon of questioning apparently. 

“No, I didn’t conduct any séance related activities. I just put on their CD and they y’know, fell out of the sky.” 

“Interesting, interesting,” Carlos mutters as he looks at Reggie’s notebook as the older boy writes her answer down, underlines something and taps it with his pencil that makes Carlos let out a small hm. “So you don’t know anything about the dark room? Didn’t make any wishes?” 

“No,” Julie shakes her head, watches Reggie write something else down and tilt his notebook to Carlos. It’s weird, watching them communicate like that, like they’ve created a shorthand between them and don’t even require her presence to have a conversation. Which is obviously true because they’ve clearly discussed all this beforehand. 

“You walked through Luke right? What did that feel like to you?” Reggie’s question catches her off guard and she looks between them, but Carlos is already looking at her, waiting for her answer. 

“It was um cold? But also not. I--” she frowns, trying to think back to that first night in the kitchen when she’d turned around and walked through him. Back when she’s barely known any of them and was more annoyed by their presence then comforted. “It was weird. The first few seconds after I walked through him I just felt cold but then it was like a rush of warmth? You know when you get one of those random shivers that runs through your whole body? It feels all weird and tingly but also kinda nice? Like that.” 

“Did it feel like you got a feel of Luke?” Carlos asks and Julie shrugs, a slight blush on her cheeks and somehow, despite the fact they can’t see each other, the two of them share a look. 

“What’s the next question,” anything to move off the topic of walking through Luke and how it felt. 

//

“Oh Julie is gonna be so pissed at you guys,” Alex mutters but makes no move to step in and stop the ‘experiment’ currently going on. He watches as Reggie tries to put a hand on Carlos’ shoulder, fingers phasing through the younger boy's jacket with a frown. 

“She won't be pissed if it works,” is all Reggie says, face morphing into one of concentration as he slowly lowers his hand on to Carlos’ shoulder again. 

For his part, Carlos bounces slightly on his toes, eyes fixed on the notebook in Alex’s hand in case they need to tell him something. And okay, Alex might not fully agree with the way the two of them are going about this whole thing, but he can’t say he’s not on board with it. Their whole stint as ghosts has been nothing but confusion after confusion that not even Willie has answers for. Does he think Reggie and Carlos are going to uncover some fundamental thing that makes them the way they are? Probably not. Will they maybe get him some kind of answer? God he hopes so. 

Especially since there’s been small moments in the last few weeks where Ray and Carlos have been able to hear them even without them playing music or Julie nearby. Which had scared all of them. Thought it was nothing compared to Ray’s reaction when he’d apparently walked into the kitchen to find Julie and Luke hugging, only for him to vanish when they suddenly let go. It was a hell of a way to find out they could be seen if they were touching her. 

“Oh!” Carlos suddenly exclaims, head whipping to look at his shoulder where Reggie’s hand is resting solidly on the fabric of the jacket. Alex feels his eyes widen a fraction and watches Reggie’s smile widen as he squeezes slightly on Carlos’ shoulder. “Oh my god! I can feel that!” 

“Holy shit,” Alex whispers, grip on the pencil in his fingers growing. 

“Hey! I heard that too! Quick! Write it down! 30 minutes and- and however many attempts it took!” Carlos grins, face turning towards him and Alex doesn’t even have time to feel guilty about swearing before he’s scribbling in Reggie’s notebook.

//

“Thanks again for taking me,” Carlos says as he pulls his seat belt across his chest and clicks it in, eyes drifting from his tia in the front seat to the little notebook resting on the back seat and the pencil that’s hovering just a few inches off the paper. Subtly he sees it tap on the page, once, twice, and he bites down on his grin, tucking his hands under his thighs to stop from bouncing in his seat. They’re ready. 

“Of course mijo,” Victoria smiles over at him as she turns on the engine, fingers already messing with the buttons on the radio to find her favourite station. “I have to say I’m impressed. Planning ahead for your dad's birthday.” 

“Mhm,” he agrees, his eyes on the notebook that he can just see in the rearview mirror. The pencils resting between the creases in the pages and he holds his breath as the radio jumps to a different station. 

Victoria frowns slightly, her eyes darting from the road to the radio and back, hand reaching out to change it back. When it jumps to another station. And another. Carlos feels his eyes widen a little, legs bouncing on top of his hands as he watches the radio cycle through station after station, only lingers for a few seconds on each before moving on. 

Finally it stops, the words of Despacito ringing through the car and it’s lucky they’re at a red light he thinks, because when Victoria tries to change it it jumps right back. 

“What the f-” she starts, the furrow between her brows growing deeper and the knuckles on her hand that’s still gripping the wheel turning white. 

“Can we leave it? I like this song,” he looks over at her with a smile, blinking in what he hopes is a completely innocent way. He’s pretty sure she’s too distracted by the radio to question it. 

“Sure, sure,” she mutters, not even looking at him, eyes going from the road to the radio. 

The song ends and from the corner of his eye he can see the pencil in the back moving, Reggie or Willie writing something down and he has to stop himself from turning around to see what it is. Instead he watches as tia starts changing the radio station again, her fingers never leaving the touch screen as if that was the problem. But the second she lands on her favourite 80’s classics station and is moving her fingers away it changes. Skipping through stations again until Despacito is once again filling the car. 

It’s probably lucky that they’re at another red light and that there’s no one behind them because her eyes widen and she’s suddenly saying words in Spanish that he knows he shouldn’t know and is pulling over to the side of the road. 

“We have to get out! The car is being possessed! Out, out Carlos! Come on!” Her seat belt is off and her door is open before Carlos even has a chance to process what’s happening. The notebook from the back is pushed in front of his face and he tilts his head a little to side to read Reggie’s familiar handwriting, 

Too far? 

“Maybe,” he whispers back, taking the notebook out of the ghost's hand as he starts to get out of the car, plucking the pencil out of the metal spirals and making a note about not pushing tia in a moving vehicle and to wait until after they’ve gone shopping first. 

She’s got her phone pressed to ear when he joins her on the sidewalk, pacing up and down. Carlos is pretty sure there’s going to be a family dinner story time in their near future. 

//

Luke watches as Carlos sets his tape recorder up, idly plucking out a half finished tune on his guitar in order to be seen and heard. He doesn’t really get the other boys interest in figuring out their ghostly state of being. The same way he doesn’t really care about finding answers to all of Alex’s questions. 

They ate some bad street dogs. They died. Julie brought them back and then she saved them a second time. They can play music and sometimes be seen. He already has all the answers he needs and it’s two words: Julie Molina. 

Would it be nice to know what the black room was? Sure. Did he sometimes wonder why they could be seen but other ghosts couldn't? Sometimes. Did he want answers? Only if someone was going to give them to him without having to do the work. Was he going to sit here and answer all of Carlos’ questions because it was important to him and to the others? Fuck yeah he was. 

“Does that think pick up our voices even if we’re not playing and not near Julie?” He nods at the recorder on the table after Carlos hits a button. 

“Yeah! It’s so cool too. You sound like, all static-y and I have to listen really hard sometimes because your voices fade in and out but they’re there!” 

Okay, Luke can admit that is pretty cool, “That’s wicked. Maybe we should start using that to communicate instead of writing.” He was really sick of people commenting on his handwriting. 

“Dude that’s genius! It would be like leaving each other voice notes!” He gestures in the air with his pencil the same way Julie does when she’s realised the issue with a verse and Luke smiles softly. He doesn’t know what voice notes are, but he’s glad he could contribute to the communication issue. 

“What questions have you got for me then little dude?” He raises an eyebrow at Carlos as he flips through his notebook. 

//

When he’d first knocked Alex down Willie never thought it would lead to him sitting in the Molina’s family living room, a whiteboard resting on his knees as a twelve year old shows him bar graphs and pie charts of information on ghosts. 

There was probably some kind of domino-butterfly effect going on that had led him here. But he’s too busy trying to fit all his know ghost knowledge onto a whiteboard so Carlos can fill in the gaps in his knowledge. 

Over the years Willie has met a lot of lifers, has interacted with a handful at the HGC but he’s never met a family like the Molina’s. Who found out ghosts were real and instead of running, or trying to profit off of them, had just...welcomed them into the family. Arms wide and hearts open. 

And more than that, here was Carlos trying to get answers to questions that none of them really had an answer too. 

“Black room, yes or no?” Carlos asks, holding up a flash card and a clothes peg, ready to add it to the line of string stretching across the room. It was already littered with other cards in an order that Willie really didn’t understand but seemed to make perfect sense to the younger boy and Reggie. 

Not for me, or anyone I asked at the club, he scribbles down, turning to the board around. 

“Just like we thought,” he nods to himself, taking two steps to the left and reaching up to attach the card, “An anomaly.” he whispers it to himself and Willie has to bite his lip to stop from smiling before remembering that Carlos can’t actually see him. 

“Hey,” Alex’s voice from the doorway drags his gaze away from the lifer and the smile he’d been trying to stop spreads across his face, “How’s it going?”

“I don’t think we’re even half way through,” he chuckles, gesturing with one hand at the stack of flashcards and the charts he hasn’t even seen yet. “Do you understand this system?” 

The exasperated laugh that leaves Alex’s lips is answer enough before he’s even shaking his head, strands of blonde hair dipping into his eyes and Willie wants to reach to move away, “Not a clue. They’ve tried to explain it to us but it makes zero sense to anyone but them.”  

“Hey, Alex, stop distracting him, we’re working here!” Carlos’ voice makes him jump, head turning back to where he’s standing with his arms crossed and shaking his head in disappointment in the vague direction of where Alex is standing. 

“Wait, can he see you?” Willie frowns, mind trying to remember if he knew this or not. 

“No, he’s just really good at sensing us these days,” Alex sighs, but there’s a fond look in his eyes as he looks at Carlos, “He says it’s his ghost powers kicking in from how often he hangs out with Reggie and from all the failed teleportation experiments.” 

“The failed what now?” 

“Oh, you’ll find out. I think it’s section 7?” Alex grins, pushing off from where he’d been leaning against the doorway and waving.

Willie turns back to Carlos feeling a little more confused than he had minutes ago but also much more intrigued about teleportation experiments. And if he could help get some answers for any of the many questions Alex had, that was cool too.

//

Carlos Molina’s Guide to Ghosting. So you became a ghost, huh?

 (working title, subject to change)

By Carlos Molina, with special thanks to Reggie Peters and Willie Skateboard. 

1st Edition. 

Dedicated to Alex Mercer, so he can stop asking so many questions. We’re working on it buddy.

1. Tangibility 

They can walk through anything (except my sister now, reasons still unclear). 

Works especially well with walls, doors and locked vaults (see exhibit a) 

When they walk through people it “allows them to get a feel for the person” – Reggie Peters. “It’s weird” – Alex Mercer. No comment from Luke Patterson as he was too busy staring at Julie. 

2. Souls

Objects can be attached to their souls. 

Still unclear if it has to be an object that they were close to in life, or if they can attach their souls to any object once a ghost. 

Experiments with Reggie Peters are still ongoing. Updates will follow.

3. Being Seen

Can be seen by “lifers*” when they play music with Julie. 

This is the first rule which only applies to our ghosts. 

They can be heard when they play music without Julie. This is also unclear as to why, working theory is “Our music is just so awesome it transcends deaths!” – Luke Patterson.

Mr Willie Skateboard was quick to point out it’s “weird” and “ghosts aren’t supposed to be seen by lifers.”

4. Touching

Our ghosts can now touch Julie. The biggest change in their afterlife. 

Still no explanation for it. Experiments are ongoing (see exhibit b) 

Have witnessed Julie hugging the air many times only for Alex or Willie to appear. Same with hand holding. (see exhibit c for dads reaction) 

5. Magic

Some ghosts have powers and abilities. 

Willie* can control different types of technology. Appears to work best with cars. This we believe correlates with who a ghost dies. 

In our expedition to test his skills he skipped through 15 different radio stations of Tia’s car until he found one playing despacito. Test was a success. Tia does think her car is haunted now however.

6. ???

There was a dark room. 

All other ghosts interviewed had never heard of it before. 

All our ghosts agreed it was weird and creepy. 

We are choosing to pretend it didn’t happen. 

Working theory: a hole in time that they fell through. Must find a way to test.

7. Teleporting

part 1)

Ghosts can teleport wherever they want in the world. 

Only the most powerful can teleport a lifer with them (will keep attempting)

part b) 

Our ghosts can pinpoint Julie’s exact location wherever she may be in the world. 

Will be helpful if she is ever kidnapped, Julie however wishes they would stop using said power to find her in gym class.

“I already have find my friend activated” – Flynn had to say on the matter. 

part c) 

Julie can summon the boys to her if she concentrates hard enough. Came in handy when an evil magician tried to kidnap them.

Also possibly how they escaped the dark room, no way to prove or deny this as dad won’t let me eat a bad hotdog to become a ghost.

Working theory: magic of music and family 

See Exhibit d 

See Exhibit e  

[earthstellar]

My TFP Humanformers Headcanons: With Pictures This Time

Originally posted here, but that’s all text only.

In my defence, I studied fashion at university level for two years, so this post was inevitable.

Optimus Prime - James Dean Style, aka “Hot Dad” 

Optimus would probably love doing the research to determine human styles and what he likes best. 

I can picture him doing a 1950s inspired look, more Greaser than stuffy suits, but in a more James Dean way and not John Travolta in Grease kind of way if he needed to go undercover as Jack’s dad or something.

He’d be a bit older than James Dean was in the above photo, definitely in his 30s at the youngest. Would still have silver mixed in with his black hair, to replicate the silver details on his helm. He doesn’t smoke, but might chew on a pen cap every now and then without thinking about it. 

Ultra Magnus - Vittorio de Sica - Classic Italian Suit Chic

When doing research into human styles, Optimus showed him a Hermes magazine and some European business style guides from GQ and decided he liked the formal suit look. I imagine he’d have a very Italian look to him, as he might be wearing an Italian or Continental style suit. 

For some reason, Magnus as a 40 or 50 year old stern and stylish Italian guy just works really well. He’d be extremely well dressed, well groomed, would still demand authority, and I imagine him looking like Vittorio de Sica, pictured above. 

He would perhaps use his holoform to accompany Fowler in discussions with some military superiors.

Initially, he wanted to pick a military style uniform for his holoform, and Fowler had to explain to him in detail why that wasn’t an acceptable thing to do. So he went for chic lawyer instead.

Ratchet - Old War Vet + What He Thinks is Nevada Style: George Gabby Hayes

Ratchet would literally just be my dad or any of his old war buddies, possibly with a mobility aid like a cane or walking stick because that seems to be very popular amongst my dad and his friends. (To quote my father: “I can walk with it and I can beat people with it, so it works fine for me, don’t touch me dammit I can get up by myself.”) 

I get the feeling he’d approach designing his holoform from a logical angle, wanting to fit in with the locals to avoid detection. Unfortunately, this meant he found a bunch of old Western movies online when looking up style inspiration, and decided that this was probably the best look to go for since all these movies were filmed in Nevada, so surely this would be familiar to people, right? (Wrong.) 

He’d be tough and wrinkly, but give those precious old man smiles with big twinkling eyes that shine so brightly against his old weathered skin, and that alone would get him get out of trouble with the authorities-- Or helps him get the others out of trouble. He would play the “I’m just an old person, what do you want from me” card and he would succeed. Then he’d turn around and get mad that everyone treats him like he’s old, lmao.

Arcee - Tori Amos: Late 1990s/2000s Casual 

Arcee would go for 20s-30s in terms of age, motorcyclist, we already see this on screen every now and then. I think they would estimate for approximate human age relative to one another’s Cybertronian age, so this works as Arcee seems to be younger than the rest. 

I picture her outside of her motorcycle gear in a very late 90s/early 2000s style look, casual but stylish. It would throw people off because she’s so much mature than what people might assume, which gives her an edge in conversation.

Her cover story could be that she’s Jack’s cousin, or maybe a friend of his mom’s, depending on what the mission/situation is. Could also possibly say that she’s one of Jack’s co-workers if need be. She’d probably redesign her holoform to have red hair just to troll Jack (the classmate he has a crush on is a redhead). 

Bulkhead - Mark Sagato + 1990s Alt Rock Gear 

I can easily picture Bulkhead’s holoform looking similar to Mark Sagato, pictured above, who is a former Sumo wrestler and a film actor. 

He’d be rocking a green cargo jacket layered with a plaid flannel shirt over a plain white tee or a band t-shirt and blue jeans with black steel toe boots, possibly with a workman’s tool belt. His cover story could be that he’s Miko’s uncle visiting from Japan! 

I imagine a very casual 90s alternative rock meets almost-lumberjack look for him, to match Miko a bit. He’d probably have some ribbon wristbands from live shows/gigs up his arm, because Miko would absolutely encourage accessorising.

Wheeljack - Billy Idol + Specifically Grunge Punk 

Wheeljack would be every single old school dude in the grunge punk scene that I’ve ever met. He’d look like an older Billy Idol, but only if you imagine what that would look like, not like, the actually currently old Billy Idol. 

Older guy, skinny but tough, jean jacket covered in patches and buttons and pins, black jeans held together with random string sewn in like embroidery thread, a pair of Converse so old that they might be from the 70s original line. Grey bandana also covered in pins around his head and another around his neck. He would also have ribbon wristbands from shows, courtesy of Miko’s style advice.

Bumblebee - Fred Olande: 1995 Was a Great Year for Skateboarding

Bumblebee would be a young guy, maybe even late teens/early 20s, massively baggy yellow hoodie with a black jean vest over the top like a lot of young guys wore in the 90s back when I wasn’t a dinosaur myself. Jeans that are pale from being worn/washed too many times, threadbare around the knees, wearing some kind of skateboarding shoe. I imagine him wearing a beanie as well. Every pocket is full of graffiti pens for the skatepark and his phone screen is cracked.

Raf would help him with his holoform details, and I can picture him basing his look off of some of Raf’s family photos, so he’d definitely be Mexican/Latinx. His cover story could be that he’s Raf’s cousin visiting from a border town or Mexico, and his excuse for not speaking would simply be that he doesn’t know that much English, so that would work out perfectly.

Smokescreen - 1970s/1980s Sports Gear Forever 

Smokescreen would inevitably try to go for a 1970s/80s movie inspired sporty look, and would probably look to be about in his late teens/early 20s.

Think classic white Nikes, very sporty 80s style with a white and blue puffy jacket (or sweat shirt) and red fabric wristbands. If anyone has a mullet or a feathered hair style, it’s gonna be Smokescreen. His tank top is Adidas, and his sweatpants are also Adidas.

Unfortunately, he then discovers that shorts exist, and cycles between the classic Butterick patterns above, depending on the mission/who he is trying to impress that day. 

(I won’t lie, I did the shorts over sweatpants thing well into the 90s. Yes, I was made fun of.) 

[nctinfo]

[TRANS] Johnny & Jaehyun’s interview with W Korea May 2020 issue!

Today was a day where we borrowed the cinematic imagination of the 1996 film <Romeo and Juliet" directed by Baz Luhrmann and created two Romeos. Both of you portrayed the 'Modern Day Romeo' well, how did you think the shooting went? Johnny: It felt like we came out to play. The setting too, it felt just like any small town in America. When I was leaning against the bed during the shoot, I danced excitedly while holding a bunch of grapes (laughs). Romeo, I think, is someone who is honest with his feelings and who wants to achieve love till the end. Thanks to this, regardless of what others might think, I had fun during the shoot. Jaehyun: From the Hawaiian shirts with palm trees to leopard print belts. Above all, the outfits were bold. The point of today was to act like someone who plays around and has always worn this kind of style. There was a scene [in the movie] where Romeo flips over the white blankets and plays around with Juliet, but it wasn't easy [to portray that scene] because of the blood that rushed to my face (laughs).

It’s a shame we don’t have a Juliet today. If you were to summon Juliet right now, what outfit would she appear in? And what do you imagine would be the first thing she says? Johnny: A simple outfit would be nice. For today’s shoot I was wearing a white short sleeved t-shirt and cream coloured jeans, so Juliet would have a similar vibe and would say ‘Are you doing well?’ filled with affection and excitement. Jaehyun: She’d appear in a white t-shirt and blue jeans. With a short ‘I missed you’.

There are two male leads in the movie <Romeo and Juliet>. There is Romeo who is a romanticist with rich emotions but who is hesitant in front of love, and there is Tybalt who is a calm strategist but sometimes emits fiery charms like a bulldozer. Between the two, who do you feel like you're similar to? Johnny: I think I'm similar to Tybalt who wants to be like Romeo. I'm the type of person to carry out something immediately when you decide on it. On the other hand, I want to learn from Romeo's attitude to be faithful and honest with your feelings the moment you fall in love. Jaehyun: I'm the opposite of Johnny. I think I'm Romeo who wants to resemble Tybalt's calm and analytical side. Normally, I'm the type to follow my feelings rather than reasoning, so if I had to choose between the two, it would be Romeo.

If some day your story gets made into a movie, what song would you want to be played in the ending credits? Johnny: On bright sunny days like lately the mood is refreshed and tender. If the movie will be about me in spring, then Mac Miller’s ‘Circles’ would be nice. If I ever get to make a movie in the future, any Coldplay song would be good. Coldplay’s music feels like home, music genres come and go, but in the end when I need stability I always seem to turn to Coldplay. Jaehyun: In my own movie, first of all I don’t think we need a post credit scene (laugh). I’ve always cherished Chet Baker’s ‘I fall in love too easily’. It’s a tasty song that you can listen to on repeat with an empty head, without thinking anything. Chet Baker’s trumpet performance and voice always strangely draw my ears in.

The title song 'Kick It' of your 2nd full album <NCT#127 Neo Zone> that was released in March actively incorporates the identity of cine kids hero, Bruce Lee. Taking over Bruce Lee's baton, is there a movie protagonist who you want to express musically? Johnny: Exactly two people come to mind. First, Brad Pitt from the movie <Fight Club>, I want to try a song with a strong beat with a fighter's unique fiery temperament. It would be great to incorporate the shocking twist of the movie. The other is Will Smith in the movie <The Pursuit of Happiness>. It's a 'life' movie I want to give five stars. No matter what twists and turns, it's a movie that eventually ends with a happy ending. It would be nice to sing [a song] with a message that even though it's hard now, you'll be happy in the end. A slow ballad would suit that, right? Jaehyun: Even though I acted as him today, Romeo would be fun [to express]. It would be a song that shouts love, but it would be perfect if it contains everything from joy, anger, sorrow, and pleasure like in the movie. When I think of James Dean in the movie <Rebel Without a Cause> I imagine music that puts together spicey funky beats based on the old sounds of jazz bands. Recently I'm really into jazz, soul, and R&B, so a band sound is essential.

Even if it's not someone who everyone knows like Bruce Lee, is there someone you two consider to be a hero? Johnny: I don't really express it well normally, but my mom? I'm an only child that was born late, so I always stuck to my mother when I was young. Looking back, I think my mother was a person who sacrificed herself to her family but still valued her happiness. I want to resemble the way she always lives consciously while having fun. It was my mother who taught me how to feel and enjoy every moment. My mom often told me that the experience of 'trying' something is important. For example, I spent my childhood in the United States, and no matter what, we always celebrated the independence day, which is on July 4th, with family and watched the fireworks. On days when the moon was bright and full, we'd be outside watching it. Thanks to this, I think I've grown up as a person with rich emotions. Jaehyun: my grandmother. Despite nearing 80 years old, she had been a dancer until recently and is now retired. She doesn't miss the broadcasts I appear on and watches everything, and after the broadcast ends, she will always send me long KakaoTalk messages with feedback. Because she's a dancer, there are times when she points out my fingertips and neckline but in general, she tells me what kind of mindset I should have when it comes to life. I always get advice from teachers and people around me, but strangely, every word from my grandmother seems to really pierce me. [She tells me] Don't mind others, live enjoying everything you can take on. I still hold [those words] close to me.

It's been quite a while since the first stage you did in the name of NCT 127. What was the driving force behind you during this long time? Johnny: fans, members, family. Looking back, it seems like it was people that led me. Fans are the 'reason' for me to do something. The members are my companions who walk together for this reason, and wouldn't my family be my roots. Having a place to go back to is a completely different story. I think it's family that shows me that I can fall sometimes and that I have somewhere to go back to. Jaehyun: I was able to endure my trainee days purely because I liked music. It's the same now. Of course, our fans who like our music and who come and watch our stages are a great strength too. One difference is that, until now, I relied on the people around me and tried to lean my body on the 'crew', but I seem to have found a driving force within myself recently. I give myself strength by pushing myself or complimenting myself, that's how I find enlightenment within myself. In this sense, as a human, I feel like I'm going through a time of maturity.

If you could go back in time, what would you tell yourself if you could pat yourself on the back right before going up on the stage for the first time? Johnny: ‘Have confidence. Even if your spirits fall, work on everything’. I don’t know how it might have looked on the outside but my state of mind now seems to be very different from then. I’m much more free now. I kept telling myself that I’m nice and confident, and now I think I am able to stand confident like this. I don’t know why I only saw the flaws in the past. Now, rather than trying to make up for my weaknesses, I tend to focus on maximising my strengths instead. Jaehyun: ‘Do what you want, what you think is right and what you like. Of course I know you’ll do fine, but it would be nice to be a bit more daring.’

What are 3 adjectives that describe you? Johnny: Energetic, romantic, selfish. The last word I chose because I think in order to make another person happy, I need to be happy myself and only when I have a sense of security I can care for other people. Jaehyun: I like classic stuff so first of all, classic, continuous because I always try to learn and grow, and firm in terms of trying to remain as stable as possible.

What were you born with, and on the other hand what weren’t you born with that you’re trying to achieve? Johnny: Seems like I was born with curiosity. Like I’ve mentioned before, my mom has influenced me a lot. On the other hand I want to make passion my thing. Sometimes I look at the members when I’m lazing around. Everyone has their ‘one passion’! Jaehyun: Ever since I was little I would always fix the TV at home whenever it broke down. I think I’ve been born with dexterity. I seem to be good at sports, but I really need flexibility (laugh). I also want to break up with my short lived resolve. To speak, I lack persistence a little. When I really like something or if I have a clear reason to do it, my body moves. If there’s neither, I fall into the swamp of one short lived resolve to another. (laugh)

As a listener of <NCTs Night Night>, a show that was hosted by the two of you in the past, I think you were compassionate and were counselors who had shown more empathy than other people of your age. Today, let's write the concerns of you two. What's your biggest concern now after passing April 12th, 2020? Johnny: Although it's a little embarrassing to say it in words, my biggest concern these days is how to be a strength for the fans who we can't meet because of the recent situation. Most importantly, I don't want to be distressed and spend this time more meaningful. Jaehyun: What the heck to do at home! I'm the type to be very active. Nobody can go outside so I'm working hard in trying to find something I can do home alone. I've watched movies, listened to music and cooked, but I can't help but still feel the itch [to do something].

When you watch your web variety show <NCT LIFE>, you two are often seen standing in the kitchen. Is there any dish you want to make for that one precious person in the future? I wonder what the specific recipe is and what the mood of the day will be like. Johnny: First of all, I wanna make breakfast. Omelets are good to eat in the morning. Omelets are well made when you think 'even though it's bad, it's good'! Stir-fry onions and bell peppers until they become sweet, then sprinkle some pepper to finish it. The time would be good at 09:30 am when the sunlight is strong enough to see the dust. That precious one would be sitting in a chair (laughs). The table will be set with cutlery and two cups of coffee. So that you can open the morning in a relaxed and simple manner. Jaehyun: Samgyetang and stir-fried pork, is that too native? (laughs) If I had to choose one, I will pick the stir-fried pork that was also complimented on <NCT LIFE>. Sometimes only red pepper paste or red pepper powder is used for the sauce, but I tend to use both. It would be great if there was a pretty plate with fruit too, it's the perfect dessert.

Even if it’s not a cooking moment, what’s the time, place, thing or person that makes you the most gentle? Johnny: From noon to 2pm. I feel the most peaceful when the sun is shining at that time. I don’t really care about the place. As for a thing, a scented candle that I have received as a gift while filming <NCT LIFE> in Thailand. For people, anyone! Jaehyun: Late night nearing the dawn. I really like watching the night view. I think the Han River could make me the most gentle. Personal things like earphones or speakers. Being together with family would be nice.

As a person and as a musician, what time do you think you’re going through? Johnny: I always feel like I'm at the starting line. Even when I do the same thing, I have to have a new mindset in order to grow. Jaehyun: It’s a slow process for humans but I seem to be slowly becoming more mature. As a musician, when the time comes I’ll be looking from a distance thinking I’m making ‘my own’ thing.

Translation: Alex, Esmee @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: W Korea Scans — Do not repost or take out without our permission!

[purplesurveys]

1264

Who are you subscribed to on YouTube?  Oh man, I’m probably subscribed to over a hundred, if not 200. I’ve subscribed to channels relevant to interests I’ve had over the years, and since it’s not my habit to do spring cleaning on my feeds, the subscriptions have just keep piling up even if I no longer keep up with literally like 98% of them.

Do you like to go to the farmer's market?  I don’t think I’ve ever been in one yet. They aren’t very common here and the ones we do have are pricey and mostly inaccessible to the everyday consumer, I’m sure.

What will (or was) the color of your wedding dress be?  I wouldn’t want any other color than white.

What's your favorite melon?  I don’t like fruits.

What was the name of the last pet of yours that died?  Arlee. Technically my family mostly considered her as just Nina’s pet, but the sting was felt all the same when we learned she died.

When was the last time you wished the day would just get over with?  Yesterday, because it was Friday. Pretty self-explanatory, I wanted to get to the weekend so I can finally let go of work for a couple of days.

Name one person you've never had a fight with:  Andi. I think we’re both afraid of pissing the other off, which works out for us lol.

What are you currently listening to?  I can just hear the really loud whirring of my electric fan because it’s a grossly humid day today.

What would you rather have: cat or dog?  Dogs.

Who is your least favorite person in real life?  I have a lot of uncles I just don’t like.

Do you ever watch anybody's live stream of... anything, really?  Technically, yeah. I will sometimes tune in to livestreams of lofi music on YouTube, but I do it to listen, not to watch. 

Does your house have security cameras?  No.

If you go grey as you age, would you dye your hair or let it be?  I think I might dye it for a certain period of time, but I also think I would eventually reach the point where I’ll just accept it and slowly let go of the dye.

What was the last establishment you stopped going to due to bad service? What happened?  I haven’t run into much bad service, but I’ll never forget how long my order and bill took for Mad Mark’s. I never really vowed per se to never go back there again and I definitely didn’t confront the staff, but I haven’t eaten there since that incident.

What soundtrack do you listen to the most?  Not a big soundtrack listener.

Was there a family secret you weren’t told about until you were an adult?  Nah, they’re kept from us until now. The biggest one I’ve heard about was having a kleptomaniac in the family but we were never told who it is.

Do you have an opinion most people you meet seem to disagree with you?  Yeah, my dislike for fruits.

What’s something you like to have many options to choose from?  Clothes, I guess, like bucket hats. I don’t shop a lot and clothes aren’t a priority in my budget, so when I do pick out clothes, it has to be exactly what I want so that I don’t feel it was a waste of money.

What’s the strangest decorative object you own?  We have several quirky, disconnected decor in the living room from gifts we’ve acquired over the years. One object I can tell you about is the polar bear glass figurine we have on the coffee table.

What’s a thing you couldn’t imagine doing with your life right now?  Dating around.

What’s been your proudest moment?  Managing to stay alive this year and turn my life around for the better when I thought there was no hope.

What’s the filthiest non-pornographic movie you’ve seen?  Eyes Wide Shut, probably.

Do you know anyone who doesn't seem to be fond of animals?  I don’t think so. Like any animal...? I would find that quite odd, honestly. And I wouldn’t want to be friends with them if we weren’t already close .

Are you planning any outings or trips anytime soon? Whereabouts?  No, nothing set in stone. I do want to fly out to South Korea soon, though.

Do you know anyone who has a phobia of a certain animal?  I know a few people who are afraid of dogs.

Is there a particular brand of technology/electronics that you prefer?  Yeah, Apple.

Is there a singer whose voice gives you goosebumps/chills?  Hayley Williams and Jin, especially when he’s belting; and I don’t listen to her much, but I find that Billie Eilish has a unique voice that sounds really nice.

And is there a singer whose voice you simply can't stand?  Selena Gomez for some of her songs, Meghan Trainor for most of her songs.

Are there any authors that are particularly dominant on your bookshelf?  No.

Have you seen any photographs or videos that made you smile today?  Sure.

Which item in your fridge are you most looking forward to consuming? My aunt sent over this gigantic-ass slab of salmon that I can’t wait to eat as sashimi. I already had a few pieces last night and it was hea ven ly.

Has anyone you know got into a new relationship lately?  Hmm, I don’t think so. I know my coworker Dev got into a relationship a few weeks ago but it fizzled out as soon as it started because the guy was shitty.

If you menstruate, do you experience much PMS prior to it?  Only on the emotional side; I rarely get physical symptoms. I usually feel down or emotionally heavy a few days before my period.

Have you ever had a tattoo covered up or added to?  No, I don’t have any tattoos. Can you remember the last time you had a sudden change of mind?  Hmm, like last night. I wanted to stay up to maximize the weekend, buuuut I decided against it and slept instead since I had been up since 2 in the morning.

When was the last time you did something on a whim?  Two weeks ago when I impulsively dropped a thousand bucks to have cheese tarts delivered to Angela and Reena, hahaha.

Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you?  My mom, grandma, and one of my aunts were the main people who raised me. Dad works overseas, so he was never at home much.

Have you ever began a relationship with someone you knew for less than a week?  No, I wouldn’t do that.

Has one of your friends ever tried to ‘hook you up?’  Mik tried to pair me with one of his friends just days before I finally implied on social media that I was no longer in a relationship. It was a cool ego boost but I declined, since my emotions were still super turbulent then. Andi tried to initiate sex with me once too, but I also declined.

What is your card game of choice?  I hate card games; I can never seem to understand them lmao, though that’s really more of a me problem than anything else.

What is your favourite books series?  Growing up, I really loved the Septimus Heap series. But the thing about it was that I got into it while the series was still ongoing; and with how bad my attention span is, I always forgot the events/plot whenever the newest book came out. 

So whenever that happened I had to read the entire series from Book 1; eventually the number of books I had to reread/revisit became too many (it was a seven-part series) and I simply just lost the time to read and I never got to know about the conclusion.

Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions?  Street names – more precise. Landmarks to me can be pretty subjective – a green building might look blue to me, and I could just end up being lost.

Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books?  Sure.

What was your favourite gym class moment?  If I genuinely like or already play the sport that was being taught. That’s why PE table tennis was a lot of fun for me.

Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun?  I’ve never been on one but I imagine they are fun, yeah.

Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks?  That’s not a tradition here.

Do you have a favourite Scooby-Doo movie?  No. I was too young for Scooby-Doo in a sense that I do remember watching the movies as a 3/4 year old as they were kept on in the background at home, but I didn’t get any of the plots/didn’t really appreciate the films.

Do you think it’s cute when toddlers try to run away and fall down?  Sometimes, yeah. If the fall looked nasty I would obviously be concerned.

Do you enjoy listening to your grandparents tell stories of their past?  Honestly, only one of my grandparents would be the type to do this but he’s been dead for six years now. It’s a big shame he passed before I could bond with him the way I had always wanted to. My three other grandparents are either too closed off or too quiet to share stories from their youth.

Do you have a crush on someone? Nah, nothing more than a celebrity crush.

If so... what does his/her name begin with? 

What attracts you to them? 

Do they know that you like them? 

If they don't know, why didn't you tell them? 

Name two people that you miss:  Angela and Laurice.

Have you ever seen Titanic?  More times than I can count. I’m sure I memorize like 80% of the script, too.

Have you ever swam with dolphins?  No. I’m not so sure if I’ve seen dolphins, either. Maybe I have? Or maybe I’m confusing it with whales...idrk.

When was the last time you had a stomachache?  Wednesday.

What's going to bed early for you?  11 PM or midnight.

Do you want to have a big family in the future?  I used to, but I don’t think that’s the future I want anymore. One or two kids should be okay.

What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush?  Technically speaking, an orgasm, I guess?? Lmao idk

Favorite Nicholas Cage movie?  I don’t think I have one.

Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have?  Yeah, I’m fully dosed. Sinovac.

If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects?  I was suuuuuuper tired right after my first dose and I wanted to be knocked the fuck out, but I went right back to work after the shot because I am allergic to filing leaves hahaha. Second dose went smoothly.

What's the next item of clothing that you intend to buy for yourself?  A bucket hat or maybe one of the Fila x BTS shirts because the collection is actually quite cute!

What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful?  I join Facebook groups to be entertained, not because I actively look for advice.

Do you like your butt? Why or why not?  Yeah. It...has a good form hahahahahaha.

Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia?  Yes, a few years ago I went to a food park with my ex-girlfriend. I was already not feeling my best that day to begin with, so having to see an old woman stare daggers at us for what felt like years really stung. I felt small under her look and almost cried, but in the end I felt angry that I momentarily felt shame about my relationship. I decided to just piss the woman off on purpose and do PDA right in front of her.

Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I have two dogs at present and I know they make me extremely happy.

Who was the last person you went on a date with?  Gabie.

Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid?  No. The first and only time I was hospitalized (other than being birthed), I was about 12, I think.

What’s your favorite way to curl your hair?  I don’t do that. I rarely style my hair.

At what age did you start swearing?  I was 11.

What is something you physically can’t do?  Ride a bike.

What do like better, apples or oranges?  I don’t like any fruits; but in terms of flavored stuff, I like orange-flavored food, especially chewy candy, slightly more.

Around the holidays, do you hope for snow?  Well, no.

What are your top two favorite bands?  Paramore and Against Me!

How many people do you 100% trust?  There are a handful. I generally trust easily just because I like to believe all people are kind and loyal – but I can also take it away in the snap of a finger.

Do you care what others think about you?  Not so much.

Has anyone ever called you a bitch?  Sure.

Did you watch Teletubbies when you were younger?  Yeah but just super super faint memories. It wasn’t one of my main shows.

Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license?  I don’t.

Could you live the rest of your life without eating meat?  I doubt it. I could try, but I think I’d get cranky and start looking for meat way earlier than I would like to admit.

Have you ever had a rolling backpack?  Yup, if you mean a stroller. I think I’ve answered this on a previous survey.

Did you make any money today?  No, because it’s a weekend. What was the highest place you've ever jumped from?  Nothing dramatically high. I’ve had acrophobia-themed nightmares in the past, so even though I don’t actually have a fear of heights, the idea of jumping from a high place still makes me antsy.

Have you ever gone swimming in a river?  Not that I can recall.

What was the last souvenir someone got you?  I dunno if it counts but Andi bought merch from the AEW shop but made sure to also get a CM Punk sticker set for me :(

Do you have a favorite remix of a song?  Remixes have never been my thing. What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument?  Piano.

Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies?  Yeah they can definitely affect the level of appreciation I hold towards a film. For instance, if I genuinely enjoyed a movie only to find out it has average to bad reviews, it invites me to think more critically about the movie.

Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar/etc.)?  No.

If you had $500,000, what would you do with it?  Give half to my parents and let them do whatever they wish it. With the remaining P12,500,000, I’d probably get myself my own condo and have it fully furnished, then get braces, then get a new phone and laptop. I’ll have a bunch of money still left, I’m pretty sure – the rest of it I’ll save.

Did the last person you touched lips with have a kid?  No. I mean, I have honestly no clue what’s going on in her life now, but I know she doesn’t want kids so this is very unlikely.

"First loves are never really over." Is this true for you?  It’s true in a sense that she left me a lot of trauma and self-esteem issues that will irrevocably always be a part of me now even though I’ve worked hard to resolved most of them by myself.

Did you like Michael Jackson before he died?  Yes, because he has always been my favorite singer’s role model.

What are some things that would make you break up with someone?  I don’t know how to answer this question, honestly. All the red flags were thrown and tossed and slapped into my face and down my throat for six years yet I never left. I don’t actually know what my limits are, and I believe it’s because my coping mechanism has to just accept things and suck them up no matter how bad they get. That’s what I’m trying to change for myself now.

What was the worst breakup you've ever had?  I’ve had two breakups with the same person, and the second one was worse.

[darks-ink]

To Be

Did someone order post-reveal fluff?

Prompt: With his secret revealed, Danny has to wear inhibitors to school. Most days they're fine if not irritating, but when they get damaged in a chemistry lab everyone's desperate to see his powers before the inhibitors are repaired. Even teachers make a point to ask for "favors" while Danny's allowed to go all out. Prompt by: @wastefulreverie Word count: 3,474

[AO3] [FFN] [more Phic Phight fics]

---

“It’s broken,” Maddie reported. On the surface, her voice sounded sorry, but Danny could hear the relief underneath. It surprised him every time. How his parents continued to love him, despite the revelation of his half-ghost nature.

“Can it be fixed?” Principal Ishiyama folded her hands together, staring down Maddie. She didn’t even try to look at Danny. “You know the rules, Mrs. Fenton.”

“Doctor Fenton,” Maddie corrected, sharply. “And, yes, I am well aware. Jack and I will take it home to fix it, but there are limits to even our skills. It will take a few days, depending on the damage.”

Principal Ishiyama huffed, then nodded, jerkily. “Very well. Daniel will have to stay home and make up the lost work later.”

“What?” He jerked in his chair. “Why?”

“Because your inhibitors are broken,” Ishiyama explained, slowly, like she was talking to a child. Or a stupid ghost hybrid, apparently. “And it is against school rules for ghosts to enter the school without inhibitors.”

“But that’s so unfair! It’s not even my fault that it’s broken!” Danny felt his core stir up in his chest, and forced himself to calm down. Flashing his eyes at her would only make it worse. “It’s only a few days, I can behave myself!”

A hand landed on his shoulder, and his mom shot him a comforting look. She turned back to Ishiyama. “Look, Principal. Jack and I have listened to your strict rules on Danny’s power usage in the school. We’ve built him the inhibitors, just so he can continue to come. I will not, however, force him to stay home because one of the other kids damaged the devices.”

“Dangerous ghosts are not allowed in the school,” Ishiyama repeated, her tone forced. “Without the inhibitors—”

“Danny is not just a ghost, nor is he innately dangerous,” Maddie corrected, her eyes narrowing. “I will not let you punish him for another's actions.”

Principal Ishiyama stared back, her eyes narrowed as well. After a few moments, she said, “Fine. He can continue to attend without the inhibitors, but! If we receive any reports of him using his powers within the school, especially in a potentially dangerous context, he will be punished. Is this understood?”

“Yes, principal Ishiyama.” Danny shot her his most innocent smile. “I’ll be good.”

“Sure you will,” she said, entirely unconvinced. Her expression could not be more skeptical. “Mrs— Doctor Fenton, please let us know when the inhibitors are fixed and ready for use again. Was that all?”

“Yes, it was.” Maddie stood up, tucking the broken inhibitors into a pocket on her belt. “Danny, let’s go.”

He nodded, getting up from the chair.

Wow. His mom really had fought Ishiyama to let him continue to go to school, even without the inhibitors. And he’d been thinking that it had been their idea to equip him with those things.

---

Valerie looked up when he sat down in his usual seat, quirking an eyebrow. “Danny! I thought you weren’t allowed to come to class without the inhibitors?”

“Mom thought it was stupid to punish me if their destruction wasn’t my fault.” He shrugged, putting down his stuff. “Principal Ishiyama tried to argue but Mom looked ready to fight her and, well. Ishiyama wasn’t ready to fight a 9th degree black belt over my presence here.”

Valerie snorted. “That’s fair. I’m a pretty good fighter and even I would think twice about challenging your mom.”

“Yeah, exactly.” He leaned back in his chair to wait for class to actually start. “It’ll probably only be a few days before the inhibitors are fixed again, unfortunately.”

“You don’t like them, right?” Valerie’s fingers twitched around the bracelet on her wrist. He made a mental note to have someone check that thing out; he didn’t trust Technus’ tech.

“They’re alright, usually,” he answered her, putting away his previous thought. “A little irritating sometimes, but fine most of the time. I just don’t like, y’know, the implication. I get that my powers are scary, but at least I don’t use them to hurt or bully anyone.”

Her eyes dropped back to her wristband. “…Yeah.”

“Val, you know I wasn’t talking about that.” He nudged her with his foot. “Seriously, it’s fine. I was talking about the jocks. Nobody is telling them to wear restraints so they can’t punch anybody.”

“Unfortunately, that’s also true,” she acknowledged. “Morning, Tucker.”

Tucker grumbled a response, dropping heavily into this seat.

“Wow, you’re in a mood today.” Danny quirked an eyebrow at him. “What’s wrong, Tuck?”

“It’s— Don’t worry about it.” He flapped a dismissive hand, pulling his phone out of his pocket to demonstrate. “My phone’s charger broke, I think, or I didn’t plug it in right or something. It’s all out of battery.”

“That’s rough, buddy. Maybe someone has a charger you could borrow?” He reached over to pat Tucker on the shoulder. “If not, I can charge it for you after school.”

“Yeah, you— Wait.” Tucker grabbed Danny’s hand, suddenly, holding it out for inspection. “Your inhibitors are broken. Why can’t you charge my phone now?”

Danny made a face at him. “I’m still not allowed to use my powers in the school, Tuck. The only reason why Ishiyama didn’t force me to stay home until the inhibitors are fixed again is because Mom was about three seconds away from throwing down.”

“Ah, come on, nobody will care.” Tucker shoved his phone into Danny’s chest. “Please?”

“If I get in trouble I’m siccing my mom on you,” Danny assured Tucker, taking the phone. “Just know that.”

Tucker nodded, grinning.

“You’re a bad influence!” Valerie tacked on from Danny’s other side. “But also, I definitely wanna see this, Fenton!”

“The worst,” he repeated, rolling his eyes. He held the phone carefully between his hands, coaxing his core into releasing a little energy. Charging electronic devices was tricky; he had to find the right balance between too much power, and too little.

And to hold back on the ecto. That was also a very important part. No one wanted another incident like the possessed toaster.

Bright blue sparks danced over his fingers. Jumped from the digits to the device held in-between them. The phone’s screen lit up, suddenly, displaying a rapidly filling battery.

Danny waited until the battery passed 80% before stopping the electricity. He held onto the phone for a moment longer, until he was sure that it wouldn’t shock Tucker.

“Make sure it’s charged next time,” he said as he handed the phone back. “Once the inhibitors are fixed again, I won’t be able to charge it for you.”

“I know, I know.” Tucker rolled his eyes, taking the phone. “Thanks, though. You’re a lifesaver.”

---

“Mr. Fenton?” the reedy voice of Mr. Falluca asked, and Danny jerked to awareness. Him, almost falling asleep in class? No sir!

“Yeah?” he replied, rubbing through his eyes. “Sorry, what did you ask?”

“Nothing yet,” the teacher assured him, smiling in a way that instantly unnerved Danny. “But I was wondering if you could offer us a hand?”

Instant paranoia. “Uh, maybe? With what?”

“I was hoping you could help me with a demonstration,” Falluca started explaining, gesturing to the front of the classroom. “We don’t have any equipment for a large experiment, but I have everything I need to a demonstration… except for a bunsen burner.”

“Okay…” Danny said, slowly. “Um. Mr. Falluca, are you aware of the fact that I’m still not allowed to use my ghost powers in the school, even if I’m not wearing my inhibitors?”

Falluca started nodding before Danny had even finished talking. “Yes, of course I know, Mr. Fenton. But the inhibitors got damaged during my class, and I should’ve noticed and interfered long before it came to that. Consider the free use of your powers in my classroom an apology of sorts.”

“What about the other students? Won’t they tell Ishiyama, or Lancer, or something?”

“Nonsense, Danny. They love Phantom to bits,” Falluca dismissed. “Besides, I will say that it’s fine. Even if one of them tells the principal, well. It’s my word against theirs, isn’t it?”

Well, he could hardly argue with that. “If you’re sure, Mr. Falluca.”

Danny was promptly led to the front of the classroom, with Mr. Falluca briefly explaining what they were going to do, and how hot the flames would have to be. It all sounded fairly doable.

They waited until the bell had rung and everyone had found their seats. Mr. Falluca cleared his throat, and the class silenced.

“First off, I’m sorry to say that today’s experiment has been canceled due to safety concerns. The accident yesterday unfortunately spooked my fellow teachers. Instead I’ve put together a demonstration, so you’ll have some form of practicum to match with the theory.”

Mr. Falluca gestured over at Danny. “Now, while I have the materials, I do not have the equipment. Mr. Fenton will help me demonstrate. I expect you all to behave, and not to go running off to inform the principal about this, yes?”

“Yes, Mr. Falluca!” the class chimed back, loud and enthusiastic. Danny’s core hiccuped with startled joy.

“Very good. Mr. Fenton?” Falluca turned to look at him. “The floor is yours. Shift whenever you’re ready.”

Danny nodded, tugging on his core. Light flashed, and a few of his classmates gasped as he transformed.

“Ready,” he said, tugging on the hem of his gloves. He could handle his own flames just fine, but the heated glass? Nah, he needed protection for that stuff.

“Alright. For today’s lesson, we will be focusing on chemical reactions based on heat.” Falluca ducked below his desk, then came up again holding a large bag of sugar. “This will be our material for this test: regular sugar. When sugar gets heated, what happens to it?”

A few glances were exchanged among the students, but no one raised their hands.

“No one knows?” Falluca prodded. “I’ll pick someone to answer, then. Star?”

She jerked to awareness. “Um. It burns?”

“Eventually, yes, but before that, something else happens. Anyone else?”

Complete silence.

Mr. Falluca frowned. “Hm. Well, let’s see if you can figure it out during the demonstration. I’ll put some of the sugar in a spoon, which Danny can heat.”

The teacher shook some of the sugar into a spoon, handing it to Danny afterwards. “Slowly build up the heat, please.”

“Gotcha.” He took the spoon in his left hand, carefully holding on to the far end, and raised his right hand underneath the scooping end. Gently coaxed his core into producing heat.

A small but bright green flame formed in the palm of his right hand, directly underneath the spoon.

Danny angled the spoon a little, so the class could see the sugar on the inside. And then, slowly but surely, ramped up the heat. The sugar warmed up, its color shifting into a warm brown.

“Is it… turning into caramel?” Valerie asked, drawing Danny’s attention away from the spoon again. Huh. Was it? Falluca hadn’t actually told him what it would do.

“Correct, Miss Gray!” Falluca clapped his hands together, cheerily. “Sugar, when heated, caramelizes. Normally, I would say that you’re free to have a taste, but I’m not sure if that would be a good idea now, Danny?”

“Probably not,” he agreed, keeping up the flame. “This level of ecto-contamination isn’t actually dangerous, but it won’t taste good, especially if you’re not used to eating it. And it might make you feel queasy.”

Mr. Falluca nodded along. “Yes, I figured as much. Sorry, kids, no free caramel today! Danny, thank you for your help. You may return to your seat.”

He nodded, extinguishing the flame, and placing the hot spoon onto the desk. Having done all that, he let himself shift back to human, and walked back to his seat.

“Now,” Mr. Falluca started, “As for the science behind this…”

---

Danny had remained wary the rest of the day, but it seemed that the rest of the class had stayed true to their word. Ishiyama didn’t come complain to him, not during any of the lessons after chemistry or during lunch.

He rolled his shoulder, hearing his spine click repeatedly. Next to him, Tucker shivered and grimaced.

“Dude, do you really have to do that?”

“Nah.” Danny shrugged, then rolled his other shoulder. “But I wanna.”

Tucker glared at him, then flinched, turning towards the teacher. Mrs. Tetslaff was growling, but apparently not at them.

“Mr. Baxter, your showboating as landed another ball stuck in the rafters. How do you think we’ll get it back, hm?”

Dash shrugged, seemingly caught somewhere between meeting her gaze and cowering from it. “It’s no big deal.”

“No?” Tetslaff gritted back. “Why, are you gonna fly up there and fetch it for us?”

Danny knew what was coming even before Dash pointed at him.

Ah, yep, there it was. Right on time, buddy.

“Danny can do it, can’t he? Fly up there and get it for us?”

Tetslaff followed the finger, and Danny straightened up under her hard stare. “Hm.”

“Uh, I’m actually not allowed to use my powers in the school,” Danny tried. Nudged Tucker. “Right, Tuck?”

“Yes, yeah, exactly.” Tucker nodded along, like the good friend he was. “Buuuut…”

“No one will care, Fenton,” Tetslaff agreed, gesturing him over. “I’ve got your back.”

Well… he supposed that if it was fine with Falluca, it would be unfair not to help Tetslaff too. Right?

“I’ll have to shift,” he pointed out. “That okay?”

“Just go, scrawny.” She stepped back, half-turning. To stop the light from blinding her, maybe?

He nodded, already reaching out to his core. It woke, whirring more powerfully, releasing ghostly power into his system. Light flashed, rings haloing over his body, until he was left in his ghost form.

“Whereabouts is it?” Danny asked, craning his head up. With his enhanced vision he could see the rafters just fine, but chances were that the ball was wedged somewhere behind a beam.

“Right up here,” Dash said, pointing, and, ah. Danny had almost forgotten that the guy was also here. “Should be a pretty straight line.”

“Alright, I’ll… go get it, I guess.” Danny let gravity fade away, slowly lifting off of the ground. When no one tried stopping him, he let himself fly properly.

It was hard not to notice that almost everyone had stopped moving in the gym, though. All staring up at him and whispering, hushed.

Danny bit his lip, doing his best to focus on grabbing the ball. Whatever they were saying, he didn’t want to hear.

He halted, having leveled out with the rafters. Now where was that ball that Dash had gotten… ah! There it was.

And… stuck, apparently. Danny wrapped both of his hands around it, tugging, but it wouldn’t let go. He could’ve tried pulling harder, probably, but he was afraid of using too much power and destroying it entirely.

He bit his lip. How…

Oh, duh.

With his hands still on the ball, Danny forced it intangible. Pulled it out from its place behind the beam with ease.

“Got it!” he called down, holding out the now-tangible ball. “But, uh… There’s a few more up here, I think?”

“So that’s where all my balls keep disappearing to!” Tetslaff grunted so loudly that even Danny could hear it. “Drop that ball, Fenton, and go get the rest!”

“Gotcha!” He released the ball, watching it plummet down. Dash caught it before it hit the ground, though, raising a thumb’s up in Danny’s direction.

Ugh, weird. He still hadn’t gotten over Dash’s… everything, after the reveal.

It was better than getting beat up, he supposed, but just… weird. He’d gotten so used to all the normal stuff that the changes were throwing him off.

Actually, maybe that was why he was still so reluctantly to trust everyone with his ghost powers. Not a secret anymore, but he still kept it like one.

The fact that Ishiyama had outlawed it helped on that end too, admittedly.

Danny shook the thoughts off, floating over to another ball stuck in the rafters. Well, no point in worrying about all that, right? Fretting never helped anyone.

He grabbed onto the ball, tugging it loose with ease. Looking down to make sure it wouldn’t hit anyone, he released it. It hit the ground with a pleasing rubbery noise, bouncing off to the side.

A quick glance around led him to a third ball, but after that the rafters seemed clear.

“That was the last of them, I think,” he shouted down to Tetslaff.

“Good job, Fenton!” she yelled back, sticking up a thumb. “Now get down here and show us that athleticism of yours!”

Well. Couldn’t win them all, could you?

---

Valerie appeared to be mashing her head into her locker door. Danny paused, hesitantly, then crept closer. “Are you alright, Val?”

“Peachy,” she grumbled back, not taking her head off of the metal surface. “I broke my lock and now I can’t open my locker anymore.”

“Ah…” Well, that explained it. “Can’t you get it fixed, or replaced, or something?”

“Yeah, but that’ll take a bit.” She lifted her head, finally. “I can’t leave all this stuff overnight.”

Oh, she had her ghost hunting gear in there, huh? “Oh, you have that stuff in there, gotcha.”

She was staring at him, now. “Say, Danny…”

“I don’t think I like that tone of voice,” he said, frowning at her. “What are you doing, Val?”

“Can’t you…” She blinked at him, big watery eyes. Oof, he thought she’d outgrown the cutesy pretense. “Phase it out for me? I mean, you charged Tucker’s PDA, and I’m your friend too… right?”

“Now you’re playing dirty,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes. “Ugh, fine, but you’ll have to cover for me.”

Valerie nodded, swapping places with him so she stood facing the hallway. Her back pressed against his own, warm and solid with muscle.

He took a deep breath, pulling on his core once more. Tingles ran through his arm, turning the limb cold and see-through.

Danny phased his arm through the locker, carefully feeling around for Valerie’s bag. It wasn’t that hard; there was limited space in a locker, after all. His fingers grasped onto the tough fabric, before he pulled it out. His arm, and the bag, returned to their solid state.

“Thanks, Danny.” Valerie took the bag from him again, bumping him gently. “You’re a lifesaver.”

“Yeah, well. Don’t mention it.” He grinned back. “Literally, or Ishiyama will kill me.”

She snorted, swinging the backpack onto her back. “Yeah, I gotcha. See you tomorrow.”

---

Danny walked into the classroom, nodding at Mr. Lancer.

“Ah, Mr. Fenton,” the teacher greeted him. “I was about to ask you for your help, but I see your inhibitors were fixed sooner than predicted.”

“Uh.” Danny paused, looking down at the bracelets around his wrists. “Yeah, I mean. They’re not up to 100% functionality, but… Wait. Why?”

“Us teachers, we had planned on giving you ample opportunity to use your powers while you could,” he explained, lowering his voice so no one else could overhear. Danny crept a little closer. “But we had planned on spreading it out a little, since we thought we had a few days.”

Danny blinked at him, surprised. “But… If you’re all okay with my powers, why do I still have to wear the inhibitors?”

“Principal Ishiyama is in charge, I’m afraid.” Lancer smiled, ruefully. “And even if we had more of a say in the matter, I’m afraid that our students’ parents are very vocal about allowing a ‘potentially dangerous’ ghost in the school.”

“Right,” Danny said, stomach plummeting. “I… of course.”

“It’s needlessly cruel, and untrue as well, but I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do about it.” Lancer patted his shoulder. “Listen, Danny. Just know that we, the teachers and the students, will always support you. We know you, the real you. Don’t mind those others too much, okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I… yeah. Thanks, Mr. Lancer.”

“Always.” Lancer gestured over to the classroom as a whole. “Better get seated now, Danny. And if you ever run into trouble…”

“I know who to ask.” Danny’s core chirped in his chest, and he smiled at Lancer. “Thanks.”

He walked back to his seat, sitting down between Sam and Tucker.

“What was that about?” Tucker asked, leaning closer. “You in trouble?”

“The opposite,” Danny admitted with a laugh. “Apparently all the teachers banded together to let me use my powers while the inhibitors were broken, but they got fixed faster than they’d expected.”

“Wow, really.” Sam blinked, turning to look at Lancer. “I didn’t expect them to be willing to rebel against Ishiyama like that.”

“Yeah,” Danny said, his core rumbling loud and pleased in his chest. “It keeps surprising me, too.”

[alanaswriting]

Time After Time

Carl Grimes x Reader

Summary: Carl gives you the highschool dance you’ve always wanted

masterlist

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: None really?

A/N: Oh my god, I have not written in forever so please forgive whatever this is but! Enjoy?

Please don’t steal, plagiarize or repost my writing. I work really hard on my writing as I imagine all writers do and it would suck to find out someone else is trying to claim it as theirs

—

“This is so ridiculous.” Your voice comes out soft yet with a hint of humor behind it as Carl takes your hand.

The community of Alexandria was peaceful and quiet as the two of you stood in the middle of the town, lanterns illuminating silhouettes and houses in the distance. It was just the two of you, both of your bodies underneath the stars, hearts beating, blood pumping, and minds racing.

Curfew had already been set but Carl had insisted on the two of you sneaking out and with Rick being his father along with the leader of Alexandria you didn’t see the harm in it. You out of all people knew Alexandria was safer than any place you’d ever been. It was like a piece of the old world hanging at a thread of this destruction you called the new world.

“It is not! I’m trying to do something nice, would you just go along with it?” Carl’s familiar and soothing voice replies to you as his lips twitch into a smile.

Your torso was covered in a dark red dress that was slightly big on you, something Carl had picked out for you. It took tightening the straps all the way and a small belt around your waist to even make it look appealing but red was your favorite color and you appreciated the gesture. Regardless of the sizing it was gorgeous. You were surprised the 16 year old boy had any taste in dresses at all.

Carl had even dressed up, wearing a black blazer along with a white dress shirt underneath. He even had black slacks that looked a little long for him but the attempt was cute. Almost everything Carl did meant something to you specifically because he meant something to you. He always would.

You knew that young love usually died fast but you knew deep in your heart that Carl was going to leave a imprint on your soul. He already had. Carl was going to be someone you would never forget, and in your mind you hoped you never had to. You wanted to be with Carl forever and ever. But you knew how this life could be, and part of you was terrified everyday that one day you’d wake up and he would be out of reach, dead or disappeared.

However you had tonight, and you felt content with that.

“There’s not even any music.” You tell Carl, giving his hand a small squeeze and he raises his eyebrow, almost challenging you as he used his spare hand to reach into the pocket of his blazer.

He reaches inside and pulls out a cassette player, along with a pair of headphones. He hands you the cassette player signaling for you to help him plug in the headphones so he doesn’t have to pull his other hand away from yours. You willingly grab onto the rectangle machine and help him plug in the worn out headphones before he hands you one earbud, taking the other one and putting it in his own ear. It’d been awhile since you’d listened to music like this.

His hands are shaky and you can tell he’s a little nervous about the whole night but you secretly thought it was honestly the most romantic thing the boy had ever done for you in your 5 years of knowing him. Carl was always a little on the awkward side when it came to your relationship so the fact he had set this whole thing up without any help from you was surprising.

You knew his awkwardness came from his inexperience, his insecurities, and his own fear of expressing his feelings. You wonder if any of this would be different if you had found him in the old world, if this hellish phase never happened, would he still be so awkward and shy? Would the two of you even get along like how you do now?

“I didn’t have a lot of options but my mom used to listen to this song a lot when I was little so I thought, I don’t know. It’s kind of romantic? It’s all they had.” He rambles and you only giggle as he puts the cassette player back in his pocket, gently pressing play.

“Plus, it kind of reminds me of you.” Carl admits, clearing his throat. “I lost you once, that’s not happening again.”

Memories of when you two got separated after the prison flash through your mind and you remember how badly your 14 year old heart ached. You had Michonne, and you two became as close as could be in those days in the woods but you couldn’t help but think about Carl. If he was even alive, and god knows you prayed every night that he was.

It took some time but you found him once more, and you don’t think you’d ever been so happy to see that god awful blood stained shirt that used to be his favorite before it was damaged beyond repair. You had hugged him for what felt like hours, afraid that if you let go he wouldn’t be there.

You move your hands to his shoulders and his hands rest awkwardly on your hips causing you to try and hide a grin. This felt silly. Carl didn’t catch it due to the dim lighting and the fact you looked down purposely avoiding his gaze. He rests his forehead against your own, letting out a shaky breath.

“Relax.” You whisper to him, waiting for the music to play.

It takes a couple seconds but suddenly your right ear is filled with an old song from the 80’s. Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper. This causes you to smile immensely because this was most certainly not Carl’s type of music, neither was it yours but, it was sweet. It was romantic in it’s own way. Awfully cheesy but still romantic in your mind.

It was relatable. You couldn’t count the amount of times Carl had pulled you out of a rough place after a cold death of someone you loved, or how many times you had stopped him from going down a path that felt too dark, even for this world.

Carl does as you say and his grip on your hips gets more comfortable and you can feel him shoulders loosen up underneath your touch. You look up at him and catch a glimpse of those blue eyes you adored so much. The ones that you swore were the exact color of Neptune themselves. The freckles spread across his cheeks looked like little stars shimmering behind the bright blue orbs and you couldn’t help but admire him.

“Do you know the lyrics?” You tease, watching his cheeks burn red as he nods a little, giving you a small shrug.

“Mom liked it a lot. I kinda got it stuck in my head whether I wanted it there or not.”

You close your eyes before swaying your body to the beat of the music, enjoying the couple minutes of peace with the boy who had your entire heart in the palm of his hand. You give him little Eskimo kisses with your nose before speaking up once more.

“If you're lost you can look and you will find me, time after time.” You mumble in a sing song tone of voice, waiting for him to finish the lyrics as the apples of his cheeks redden even more.

“Jesus christ.” He sighs before continuing. “If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting, time after time.”

You giggle loudly and he shakes his head, his hair falling in his face as he looks up, staring at the sky as if he regrets this whole thing just from how awkward he felt in the moment. Carl felt embarrassment flooding through his body at the fact he just sang the lyrics of an 80’s love song to the girl who could make his heart skip beats without even trying to.

In that moment underneath the Virginia sky that was clear as could be he wondered what she could really do to him. If she could make his heart stop with a couple of words what else was she capable of that he hadn’t thought about? He was at her mercy without even realizing it up until now, and it was absolutely terrifying and beautiful all at once, to give someone your most vulnerable piece of soul and trust them not to twist and turn it into nothing.

“Carl?” Your voice brings him back to reality and he looks down at you before swallowing loudly.

Carl looks down at you, watching you as you keep your eyes closed, listening to the music peacefully. You looked so innocent. It was hard to imagine you were capable of all the horrible things the two of you had done to survive in this moment, because he swore, maybe even if it was just for this one moment, you looked like an innocent.

“I think I’m in love with you.” He says unexpectedly and you feel your body freeze despite your previously flowing motions. 

Carl stares at you waiting for a reply as the words sink into your mind, taking their sweet time, causing Carl’s palms to grow sweaty after a few seconds pass. You open your eyes to see the fear in his one and you realize that this was probably the most vulnerable he had ever been with anyone. It made your heart leap out of your chest and the thought of you being the one who held the key to his heart caused an explosion of butterflies escape in your stomach. 

His breathing is quick and you can feel his panic setting in as he goes to pull away from you, but you don’t let him. No way was he getting away from you in this moment, not again. You keep your grip on his shoulders tight before leaning up, pressing yourself up on your toes just the tiniest bit since Carl wasn’t that much taller than you. Your eyes flicker to meet his and you watch as he stares at you with uncertainty. You close your eyes and take a deep breath before pressing your lips against his.

It wasn’t the longest kiss ever, but it was sweet, and it was reassurance. It was reassurance that whatever Carl felt for you was exactly what you felt for him. Maybe you were too scared to say it, or too surprised, but you thought your kiss said more than your words ever could. 

Once you pull away you can tell the taller boy has relaxed once more, realizing you indeed felt the same about him as he did for you. He didn’t know to what extent you felt for him but he hoped he hadn’t said too much or made too big of a gesture with all of this. He just wanted to give you something normal. He just hoped whatever you felt was enough to keep you around, maybe for as long as time would allow.

You’d always complained you’d never gotten to go to a high school dance. It was the one thing you’d never get over. You’d complained about it more times than Carl could remember and he used to be annoyed by it but as time went on he started to understand. Missing the experience of that left you feeling unfulfilled and sad, and Carl wanted to give you something to fill that little void in your soul. Maybe it wasn’t a full on prom but, he thought it was something.

 “If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting,” You whisper, a grin playing on your lips, waiting for him to finish as the song begins to come to an end.

“Time after time.” His voice matches yours, and in that moment, all that mattered was the two of you.

 Your time might’ve been limited together, but this moment was infinite. Time was yours.

[amphtaminedreams]

A/W 2020 Fashion Month: Before Vogue Went Blank

Hi to anyone reading,

I’m sorry this post is so late! I really have no excuse apart from all my mental energy being taken up by shooting and editing my Euphoria lookbook up until now and me being too much of a lazy, nap-loving twat to face the mammoth task of a fashion month review; honestly, by the time it’s done, it’s like a dissertation-level amount of characters, so let’s say the final push to get this out is in sympathy with all my 3rd year friends I started uni with finishing their ACTUAL dissertations.

Things have got scary since I originally started saving the photos for this post, and the world has been turned upside down. In response to the COVID-19 pandemic, the likes of which have not been seen since the Spanish Flu, Italian Vogue’s April cover was blank. As I’m writing this, 26,000+ people have died of coronavirus in Italy, the worst affected country behind the U.S in terms of sheer numbers ( though quick update: as I post this, I’m pretty sure our incompetent prick of a PM has made sure we’re up there too). Proportionally, the actual death rate is even higher, along with a handful of other European countries. There have been some complaints made about the cover and it’s supposed “lack of imagination”; all I know is that in a country whose death toll accounts for 10% of worldwide coronavirus deaths, something of a visual silence feels appropriate. 

That being said, for me, writing is one of the only things giving me a sense of purpose right now. Yeah, surprise surprise, working in a grocery store isn’t all that fulfilling. Who would’ve thought it? So what better time to reflect on a time when all the rich people of the world were going about their lives as usual and sitting front row at fashion week rather than crying on Instagram live to their millions of followers about how trapped they feel in their 10 bedroom mansions.

I’ve got to say, this year’s A/W offerings were a lot better than I expected, mostly due to the fact that I’m not generally a big fan of winter fashion; it’s hard to be disappointed given my preconceptions! There’s only so many knits and coats and jeans you can see before it begins to get a bit tiring, and I expected that to be reflected in the presentations. Fortunately, even the brands which are known for their bohemian, Coachella-esque collections generally managed to translate that into something recognisable and consistent on the runway whilst actually being weather appropriate. Of course, there were a few disappointments-I’m sure if I say one of them begins with D, you can guess which brand I’m talking about-but that was more than made up for by the standouts. Gucci in particular was my 2013 Tumblr wet dream and the Moschino show was what I can only describe as a live continuation of Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette, though I’ll stop with my praise there and wait til I get to actually reviewing before I go overboard with kissing Alessandro Michele’s ass. And on that note, in chronological order, I’ll get one with the reviews! First up, Acne:

Continuing on a winning streak when it comes to catering to my personal preferences (if someone tries to tell me designers don’t care about my personal preferences I’m going to whack out that “just found out the world doesn’t revolve around me, shocked and upset” Marina Diamandis tweet), Acne once again channels futuristic hippy commune living in a dystopian wasteland. I know, those are very specific personal preferences

I love the shredded hems and the burnt velvet, the rawness of it all, and the baroque/your-nan’s-wallpaper patterns are actually a surprisingly nice touch. I imagine if Giselle from Enchanted had to make her dresses out of a thrifty goth’s curtains rather than an upper-middle-class New Yorker’s, they’d look something like this collection. You’ve even got the odd bit of classic fresh Scandi tailoring in there with the oversized coats and blazers which holds it back from being a bit TOO flea market. Plus, the renaissance painting detailing on the black leather-look coat is a stunning detail as well; I’m so glad it seems this trend is here to stay, why wouldn’t I want random nude bodies all over my clothes? 

As for the styling, I can’t get enough of the tousled hair. As an eternally tired person who can't be arsed to pick up a brush most of the time, I feel represented. Along with the outfits, it says “I’m an art student/transient painter in the 70s living in a city loft who smokes a lot of weed and does acid on the regular” and that is a life worth manifesting.

Alberta Ferretti was dreamy, and a perfect example of how to translate the bohemian aesthetic of their S/S show to A/W. Somehow despite the furs, ruffles (pussy-bows under tailored jackets and knits/generally heavier pieces always looks really chic imo), tulle, metallic tapestry style prints and chunky jewellery, it all still looks very effortless, like a natural continuation of what we saw last summer; the typically masculine structure of the oversized suits with the ornate patterns and the accessories lends to the careful navigation along the line where maximalism and minimalism meet, the looks as practical as they are decorative. Picture it: you work some high-flying, powerful job in the city, commute on a motor cycle and roll up in one of these suit sets. This collection is for the edgy businesswoman who is completely comfortable telling all the twattish males she works with where to stick it and I want to be her. 

The evening gowns are, of course, stunning too. In this analogy where I am a powerful businesswoman and not a pushover who works at a grocery store right now and only beefs with rude customers, I would be wearing one of them to the boujie work Christmas party. The ruffled dresses remind me of something Valentino would put out with the colour palette and the ruffles, and whilst we’re on the topic of colour palettes, this one is beautiful. The lilac and hot pink is SO right.

Though predictable, Alessandra Rich is just as much of a treat as usual, the first brand you’d go to if you were styling a throwback it-girl, Chanel Oberlin in Scream Queens if it took place 30 years earlier. Reminiscent of an amalgamation of vintage Chanel and Versace, there are so many cute details I love here, from the white tights with the black heels and the double breasted blazers to the gold chainlink belts and the pearls. The tartan suits with the shoulder padding are very Heathers, the prints the best of your mum’s 80s wardrobe, and nobody else out there is doing bows as well as this; these are the outfits that prissy bitch wears in the cartoons of my childhood that turn out to actually be quite good fashion inspo 15 years later, Trixie Tang from Fairly Odd Parents I’m looking at you. 

This girl was the blueprint. 

I think someone like Lilly Collins or Daphne Groeneveld would be an ideal fit for any of these looks, or Lana Del Rey if she wanted to stop serving us middle-aged suburban soccer mom and took us back to those H&M ad campaign days. Lana stans please don’t come for me for saying that, I am one of you; I say this because I love her. It’s all altruistic. 

Whilst I admittedly didn’t love it as much as last summer’s, I really enjoyed the Alexander McQueen collection too, plus I had a better idea of what to expect this time round; no, we’re not gonna get a repeat of the Plato’s Atlantis show but we do always get some beautiful pieces. Again, like with Alberta Ferretti, this seems like a natural continuation of what we saw in the summer, just with adjustments made for the colder, darker, and altogether moodier months. A/W being the gothier older sister of S/S, it seems right that a lot of the looks turn their back on the ethereal, almost fairy-like feel of what we saw before and embrace the vampier side, reds and blacks (the ultimate Bratz Rock Angels colour combination), plenty of dramatic structures and formidable suit sets. It’s punk but it’s classy, and even with the lighter pieces, we’ve got the grunge inspired harnesses on top to contrast with the elegance and effectively, toughen the whole look up, something Gucci does well too. 

The patterned suits with the clunky boots in particular are very cool and I need a gun metal grey heart detailing harness, but undoubtedly the MOMENT of this collection is Adut Akech in what appears to be a silver chainmail dress. She looks like an Amazonian goddess, and whilst I could never dream of pulling something like that off myself, I could happily admire her in it for hours.

There wasn’t much to get excited about at Altuzarra. The collection was very elegant for sure and the feathered belts are cute but it was all quite pedestrian and nothing new-the only detail I really like is the cut out on the second dress from the left, 3rd row down.

As for Anna Sui:

I’m not altogether sure why I wanted to review it. A lot of the outfits as a whole are a bit messy, and not in that avant-garde, expensive-looking Margiela kind of way, just in a “how many fabrics can we possibly get on this model” kind of way. Plus, the styling seems weirdly outdated-a lot of the jewellery looks like the kind of thing you’d see if you searched “gothic choker” on Ebay and ordered the results from low to high, and the makeup and hair in particular is very 2012 Tumblr fashion blogger. Backcombed hair and red lipstick? We’ve got a Zoella thumbnail on our hands.

When the collection did go down the bohemian route though (and when that route wasn’t a failed attempt at what Etro does a lot better), there were a few nice pieces and prints. I mean you really can’t go wrong with a teal fur trimmed coat.

Ashish, on the other hand, took their aesthetic from a similar era and did it a lot more creatively and kookily; this collection looks a lot more deserving of being on a runway. The prints are so loud and costume-y that at times the garments risk looking like something you’d wear at a decades themed dress up party, but they’re saved by understated and much more commercial silhouettes, plus some gorgeous hair and make up. On the whole, very groovy, unintentional disco queen, despite the few risks that didn’t quite pay off.

Next is a brand I always look forward to. In the words of Myrtle Snow:

BALENCIAGA!

Seriously though, if any brand knows how to blend costume and high fashion, it’s them. They take over-the-top, almost absurd silhouettes and turn them into theatre. This year we’re taking it in the direction of Phantom of the Opera, I guess? Dracula? The Woman in Black? An off-broadway production of Harry Potter where Snape is the protagonist? Whatever the direction of the collection is, I live for the dramatics of it all. Demna Gvasalia got these models walkin’ down the runway like they’re members of the Volutri, which is a reference you should all understand given the renaissance Twilight is having online atm.

Straight off the bat, I adore the staging, and all the models are exquisite-the theme of the show was climate change, and I always love when there’s a story behind the presentation of the clothes. I can’t imagine how amazing this must have been to witness in person, though I’m guessing equal parts mystical and intimidating. There are so many things I love here: billowing coats, cinched in waists, the pattens that are sprinkled sparingly in amongst the black, and the bloody shoulder pads that almost run PARALLEL to the model’s necks. This is really a collection that Myrtle Snow would be proud of and brb whilst I get rid of my padlock necklaces in favour of putting whatever meagre amount I can get for them on Depop towards a Balenciaga padlock belt (as if, lol, I don’t even think selling my soul would cover it).

And then there’s Balmain, which isn’t always the fashion critic’s favourite, but which I do tend to like. 

I mean there are some really good takeaways here-though the 80s inspired suit, as wearable as they are, can get a little repetitive, they are staples which here seem to pave the way for Olivier Rousteing to try something new for the brand. The moulded breast plates (reminiscent of the Tom Ford one Zendaya wore though I’m not sure which came first!), for example, along with the Matador-style capes and the flowing silk dresses are the most glamorous incarnation of Lara Croft one can possibly imagine, probably just as equally suited for a Roman goddess as they are for an Assassins Creed style action heroine. And yes, I am aware of the fact that Tomb Raider and Assassins Creed are two separate games, okay!  I just don’t know enough about the visuals of either to firmly plant this collection in the camp of either one, so I’m going down the crossover route with it!

Not to say there weren’t any bad choices-I omitted a good portion of the looks that were shown; there were definitely pieces that I found to be a little tacky, particularly a recurring chain print which has got to be one of my least favourite patterns out there. Overall, though, it’s gonna be the richly coloured art-deco prints, the wet-look boots and the gem-encrusted scorpion brooch which stick with me, so I’ll let it slide. 

Bottega Veneta was very meh; even of the looks I picked out, there are a lot I’m now looking back at and wishing I hadn’t included. Some of the men’s pieces are nice, sure, and I feel like one of those vaguely sick, victorian ghost looking male celebrities everyone obsesses over (Timothée Chalamet and Dane DeHaan I’m looking at you) would make those suits on the second row look fine af, but it’s mostly the womenswear that I’m here for and on this occasion it wasn’t great. A couple of the coats are nice and that’s about it. Like I really had to act as if the tassels weren’t there on a lot of the clothes and go from there because I really don’t like them in this context and if I was to veto looks purely on one of the garments having tassels, there’d be nothing to show or reference when giving my opinion on the show. They were EVERYWHERE. In a summer collection, done right, they can be a nice detail but here they just feel unnecessary and if I’m being honest, are quite ugly. 

Thank god for Brock taking the sour Bottega Veneta tassel taste out of my mouth. Never a let down. Literally, everything they put out sends me into a daze of imagining I’m in some romantic drama wearing one of the pieces, in a man’s idea of “no makeup”, running round in a field looking forlorn and windswept because my ghostly lover has-

Okay, you get the picture. I’ve never read Wuthering Heights, but it goes something like that, right? If not, lets just say envisioning myself in any of these catapults me straight into some period drama where I’m born into wealth and sit by my mansion window looking sad all the time and writing poetry and lusting over some stuffy upper-class man I can’t have and who is probably played by Colin Firth because I’m pretty sure that’s what happens in most of them (about to enrage my future English lit undergraduate sister with that line).

Nobody does modest, muted sexy to such a masterful degree. I mean, when Maison Marigela did face veils I was just mildly afraid, but here they’re subtle enough that they’re quite beautiful and almost other-worldly, acting as some kind of boundary between this world and the past that Brock aims to recapture through its designs-the red lip popping out from underneath is a perfect touch too. I don’t like it AS much as the summer collection but I would say that’s solely on the basis of the more autumn/winter appropriate colour scheme and the heavier fits, which is just a personal preference. I mean, I’m usually not a fan of empire waistlines at all and Brock even manages to make that work.

Burberry this season was a real mixed bag, mostly due to the styling. There are some really gorgeous, London back alley vintage shop looking pieces, especially the 70s style coats, reminiscent of outerwear a slimy record exec would've worn back in the day repurposed by someone like Alexa Chung or Zoe Kravitz or whichever effortlessly cool woman it is we all want to be-also the private boy’s school rugby gear looking shit is classic Burberry and I’m a fan of that, even though it’s not the most inventive or exciting. I just don’t get why there had to be SO much ill-fitting plaid over ill-fitting plaid. Again, like with Bottega Veneta, I thought the menswear was a lot stronger; whilst I wasn’t really wowed by anything, it seemed a lot less forced, whereas a few of the womenswear looks gave me the vibe of a design team desperately grasping onto some ill-conceived ideas of street style and relevancy. 

The design team at Carolina Herrera for example, know their niche. They never try to be something they’re not, always sublimely preppy and pretty and predictable-when it comes to target market, the bag is reliably secured. Laid- back princess dresses never get old for those constantly “summering” in one expensive coastal town or another, for the rich American moms attending charity galas and the Spencer Hastings and Blair Waldorfs of the world; women with glossy hair and fresh faces who act as if they woke up looking like that polished but are actually anal as hell and take 2 hours to get ready and would NEVER, I repeat NEVER, shit in a public toilet. 

Yes, I managed to worm toilet habits into a review of a Carolina Herrera collection. I’m sorry. Enough with the pearl clutching. 

Next is Celine:

I mean, when there are THIS many looks, it’s hard not to find something you like, and though VERY predictable and verging on lazy when you’re putting out the same shit every collection, Celine’s aesthetic is so similar to my own ideal style, it’s hard to be mad at it. That being said, a lot of the pieces, as per usual, came across as cheap YSL knock offs; the overall outfits are cute, but the more you look at the details-it particularly pained me to include a metal bow belt and an ill-fitting velvet skater skirt but I liked the rest of the outfits-the worse it gets. Please, PLEASE someone drive it home to Hedi Slimane, I’m begging you: QUALITY NOT QUANTITY. I get what he’s going for, 70s hipster Jane Birkin is a vision I can very much get behind, but not when it seems to be so rushed.

With the men’s looks, you can get away with it a lot more; when so much of menswear is so plain and unchanging, the slightest hint of Mick Jagger is enough to make a outfit edgy. But even then, I still feel like we’re seeing a load of variations of the same outfit. There are always some pieces that catch my eye, this time round the capes and the velvet blazers, and I would wear most of these things, sure, however I don’t think the combinations SHOULD necessarily look like something I’d personally put together; a runway collection is supposed to be aspirational and cutting edge, not pedestrian (entirely intentional self-drag, lol). Also, side note, the lack of diversity really bothered me. 111 looks and not one of these models has a body type that is naturally achievable for most people. It’s 2020 for fuck’s sake. I’m tired.

SO, let’s liven things up a bit with the Central Saint Martins collection, a breath of fresh air in terms of diversity (though a few more plus-size models would be nice):

As a former University of London student, I hate to heap praise upon them. If you’ve studied in London as well, you’ll know CSM students are ANNOYING. I mean, I’m sure they’re lovely as individuals but you can’t fully understand the meaning of the word pretentious until you’ve seen a group of them at a Uniqlo Tate Late. That being said, they are very good at what they do and I’m so glad that Vogue Runway includes them; this is what Off-White thinks it is, and really it makes sense that a bunch of current fashion students are able to come together to present one of the most experimental and forward-thinking shows of this season. 

And let’s talk about the RANGE. From catsuits worthy of comic book heroes to  dresses Twiggy would’ve worn in a 1960s editorial, every subgenre of fashion has been fully delved into here. Whilst we’ve got the adrogyny of the suits and suspenders combo and kitschy gender-bending co-ords David Bowie would be proud of, at the other end of the scale we’ve also got models walking down the runway dressed like wood nymphs or some other kind of siren-like creatures. There’s looks that wouldn’t be out of place in a Gucci or Come Des Garcons collection but at that same time would be equally at home in a Berlin techno club. 

Honestly, credit where credit’s due-it was a really interesting show and I wouldn’t expect anything less.

Chanel was quite literally the polar opposite of the CSM show. 

Very blah. 

It’s crazy because before you properly get INTO fashion, Chanel is like the epitome of style. And then you do, and you see the runway shows get lazier and lazier (with some exceptions) every year, and you realise that same prestige that had you aware of Chanel at the age of 7 or 8 is literally all that’s keeping the brand going at this point. I’m not saying the collection is flat out ugly, a lot of it’s cute, but you’re CHANEL for fuck’s sake. Yeah, I like the crucifixes but SCALLOPED HEMS!? No. I do NOT recall travelling back in time to witness Primark’s Spring 2013 collection on the runway and I am NOT having it.

It’s not at all surprising that a lot of the time newer brands Charlotte Knowles (above) tend to be more interesting than those more established-and yes that was a Chanel indirect if the transition wasn’t obvious.

With no room to rest on laurels or reputation, everything has to be bolder and smarter and more distinctive and most importantly, has to appeal to its target market with the fervour of an L.A sign spinner. I only found out about Charlotte Knowles because of a Vogue article citing her as Bella Hadid’s new favourite brand to wear, and once I saw the collection, it was clear why; daringly modern, slick, and edgy is both her street style (say what you want about her as a model but her outfit game is unbeaten) and Knowles’ USP to a T. If Dion Lee, Off-White, GCDS and Acne had an orgy, this would be the result, and that is a GOOD compliment.

Next, Chloe:

Not a huge amount to say, to be honest. Low-key, wearable, and cute. Like Emma Roberts’ Nancy Drew if she did an autumn exchange program at the Sorbonne and studied art history, libraries and coffee shops on the weekdays and galleries and protests at the weekend. On reflection, that definitely makes this collection sound more exciting than it is but there are some effortlessly beautiful pieces here. The 4th row in particular is full of stand outs-the vest with the watercolour faces on with the shirt underneath is perfection, and the burgundy suit with the saffron ruffled collar peeking out from underneath is adorable and not at all reminiscent of the Ronald McDonald inspired nightmare that any combination of red and yellow tones should theoretically be.

As for Christian Siriano, I see why people hate it, I really do. I understand that it seems kinda unfair to have it show the same week as Brock and Rodarte and Oscar de La Renta. We’re talking 2 very different kinds of quality here. BUT, at pure face value, his clothes are FUN, plus Coco Rocha will always have a special place in my heart as someone who lived on The Face and America’s Next Top Model and every show that could possibly give me an unhealthy body image ever.

Like are you telling me you wouldn’t wear these dresses to a party!? Live a little. They just need tailoring...which ideally would be done BEFORE the model’s walking down the runway in it but...you know...can’t have it all.

Christopher Kane is a show I always look forward to.

I would say his designs are the only thing that make geometry look fun but I’m going to expose myself and admit that would be a lie because I actually found geometry really fun. Trigonometry was my shit, lol.

He is a designer who perfectly demonstrates that juggling interseasonal consistency and taking risks can be done. There’s always something DIFFERENT about his collections, fresh and subtly experimental. There are occasionally a few misses, sure, but I’d rather that than for a brand to keep playing safe, plus he never goes too far in the opposite direction either; no going weird for the sake of weird. I don’t like it AS much as the summer collection but it’s mostly because of the more muted, autumn/winter appropriate colour palette.

Comme Des Garçons? Too weird?

Never.

Honestly when it comes to a CDG collection, I have to really shift my perspective to appreciate it. I’m not looking at fashion presentation, I’m looking at a moving piece of experimental art. I know, it’s a stretch. But you know you’ll never be bored by one of their shows. Not gonna lie, this specific collection crossed the line into plain ugly a couple of times for me. We had padding so extravagant it looked like several models were walking round with Ikea pillows stuck to their chest and headdresses reminiscent of the kids’ game Headbandz. In amongst that though, we did get some gorgeous veils like the ones seen above and the shoes and socks combo is actually quite wearable.

I’d say Dilara Findikoglu is the cut-off point after which things get a little too avant-garde for my personal taste, and it hovers over that cut-off point flawlessly; despite the other-worldly elements of her collections, they remain somewhat grounded by nods towards conventional fashion that allow the beauty, be it inner or outer, of the wearer to shine through. Comme Des Garcons garments undeniably have character but they tend to swallow up any trace of the individual underneath, whereas the character of Dilara Findikoglu garments seamlessly merges with the wearer and in turn elevates both to something transcendent and ethereal. If the Pussycat Dolls got transported into a rugged, post-apocalyptic future, they’d scrape together these outfits to perform in, I know it; the energy of the collection, with the body jewellery and the frayed cut outs and the chalk white faces, is very warrior princess, just as raw and intimidating as it is hot as fuck, and I want that energy in my life. Along with a Dilara belt, of course. I would wear her name like a badge of honour anytime she wants. Dilara, pls pls let me be part of your tribe. PLEASE.

Anyway, this is where I thought I’d cut things off, so as to end on a positive note. You know what that means: Dior is coming up. I feel bad knowing my first post was defending Maria Grazia and yet here I am now, looking at the bar down on the floor, but I mean, you never know; maybe girl is doing this on purpose and one day she’s gonna come out with a Gucci level quality show like a phoenix from the ashes.

If you got this far, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING even if you’re just here for the pics. Part 2 will be covering some of my most anticipated shows from Elie Saab, Fendi and Etro to Gucci and Moschino, Miu Miu and Marc Jacobs, and everything in between. Yes, the shitty ones too.

I’m plowing through all the material as quick as I can so I hope to get the next post up really soon, and yes-you can count on the overwhelming sense of needing to be productive pushing me into fulfilling that statement. 

Thanks again and I hope you’re well!

Lauren x