#i had enough ace friends to finally ask myself the big question and i get this answer

[avendoki]

im so funny (this is your sign to add me on discord /nf /j)

[velvees-archive]

Making my case for ManoSouta, Ace Attorney’s token doomed yaoi

Bronco knew, and still he told nobody.

Ace Attorney Investigations 2 full game spoilers ahead!

Chalk it up to lucky guesswork or my expertly honed writer’s intuition (sarcasm), but so rarely do I latch onto side ships that when I found myself gravitating towards Bronco (Manosuke Naito) x Simeon (Souta Sarushiro, hence ManoSouta) simply because of this line, I knew something was up…

…and boy was I right.

Simeon Saint’s fall from grace was a direct consequence of subjection to a corrupt justice system and equally as corrupted individuals. There was his father, who saw Simeon’s existence as a means to an end (the end being a pharmaceutical “recipe” book that could cure Gusto’s affliction and a shiny world class confectioner title), his best friend, who kidnapped him and almost killed him on his dad’s orders, and—if that wasn’t enough to destroy someone’s psyche—there was the presidential assassination trio, who tormented, interrogated, and dangled their judicial and executive power over him like a special-brand curse.

This is a character who hit rock bottom so long ago he believes nothing is left of him except agony, paranoia, and anger. He crafts an intricate revenge plot that dishes Simeon-esque justice to everyone who wronged him. The acts are performed mercilessly, too, no hesitation, regret, or unnecessary feelings involved in the flawless execution of his plan.

Well, almost.

There was one person in the same boat—no family, no longstanding companionship (barring each other)—who set Simeon’s descent in motion. Ironically, it is also through this person that we’re shown what remains of his humanity.

For me to talk about Simeon’s feelings as shown before we found out he was the mastermind, though, we have to see how he reacted after the big reveal. Upon being fingered as the villain, Simeon makes it clear he does not feel remorse towards any of the people “he” killed. After all, they drew first blood; Simeon firmly believes retaliation was warranted.

That is, until Miles clarifies the following points surrounding Simeon’s kidnapping, his memory loss, and the fate of his and Bronco’s fathers:

The reason Simeon was kidnapped wasn’t so Bronco’s dad could kill Simeon’s; Bronco was only meant to stall Simeon so he couldn’t help his dad win the confectionary competition finale

When a murder did occur, the victim of the murder was not Simeon’s dad, but Bronco’s.

This is how Simeon responds:

“He deserved to die!…Didn’t he?”

This line, in conjunction with the contemplative flashback shown in the video, conveys Simeon’s uncertainty/regret about inciting Knight’s murder, though one could argue this is only in reaction to the revelation rather than a lingering attachment to Knight, who he “stopped thinking” was his friend 18 years ago.

But then he follows it up with this.

“Then what was all this…for…!?”

At this point, you have to ask yourself why Simeon is questioning his entire plan (keyword in the quote is all, not just Bronco’s death) because he realized whose father actually died. Technically speaking, Bronco did still kidnap him. On top of that, everyone else Simeon exacted revenge on still wronged him, so it makes no sense to say this unless Bronco’s supposed role in “Simeon’s” father’s death was pivotal in Simeon’s decision to proceed with his whole plot. In other words, the reason Simeon questions his plot after Miles’ clarification is because this fundamental misunderstanding was what pushed him to take revenge on everyone in the first place. Bronco’s betrayal weighed so heavily on him that Simeon had no choice but to kill him in line with his principles, but he didn’t actually want to.

I’m not saying he wanted to spare Bronco because of the power of friendship or some misplaced sentimentality. It was inevitable that Bronco would die by Simeon’s hand because Simeon vowed to get his revenge on everyone who hurt him. What I am saying is that Simeon’s resolve is clearly shaken once Bronco’s role in his suffering is cleared up. As soon as Simeon realized Bronco’s dad didn’t murder his dad, he regretted killing his only friend. This is the only time Simeon shows remorse.

You might think Simeon’s hatred for Bronco stems from his kidnapping and its consequences, aka setting off the chain of events that would ruin Simeon’s life outside of “his” dad dying. However, Simeon doesn’t hold a grudge over Bronco for anything other than the kidnapping. The statement, “If you hadn’t detained me 18 years ago…it wouldn’t have had to…end like this” is vastly different from “If you hadn’t detained me 18 years ago, none of this would have happened.” His “hatred” for Bronco was a personal grudge he had against his best friend, who also happened to be the son of his dad’s killer. Bronco was on Simeon’s list because his betrayal stung Simeon most. “What was all of this for” really meant, “I wouldn’t have gone through with any of this if I knew you weren’t involved.”

Had Simeon truly hated him, it’d be difficult to justify why he snuck away from his carnival preparations to talk to Bronco. Why did he pay such an incriminating visit when he’d already delivered Bronco’s chess set during visiting hours? And why did he tell Bronco he snuck something into it, leaving him vulnerable to counterattack should Bronco tattle?

Why did he bother saying goodbye?

Simeon’s actions betray logic because try as he might to hate Bronco with all his heart, he cared. Bronco Knight’s betrayal was the straw that broke the camel’s back, but imagine if the misunderstanding had been sorted from the start. Simeon's reaction to wrongfully killing Bronco was a stellar portrayal of his desire for genuine companionship, and a peek into what remained of his humanity before he was unmasked. He really was all alone.

If you’re still not sold on them being the doomed yaoi representatives of Ace Attorney, if a misplaced desire for revenge cutting their time short doesn’t make this tragic enough, then consider this: Bronco legitimately cared for and trusted Simeon, but unlike Simeon, he was left completely in the dark.

He’s legitimately excited to see Simeon’s performance. He happily awaited Simeon���s chess correspondences because he just likes being around him!!

Perhaps the biggest sticking point in all of this is that Simeon admitted he put something in his chess set, Bronco definitely opened his chess set, and yet when it came time for Fifi Laguarde to interrogate him (aka when she discovers the chisel), Bronco does not tell her he doesn’t own it, he does not tell her he’s been set up, and he does not tell her his best friend—who the precinct knows visited him—is the one who put it there. Why didn’t Bronco tell her?

That’s the greatest pull of their dynamic: we don’t know. Maybe everything happened too fast. Maybe he did try to protest. Maybe he ratted Simeon out but Laguarde was already in hysterics. Maybe Bronco didn’t understand why the chisel frenzied the warden so, and paid the ultimate price for it.

Or maybe, just maybe, Bronco already knew the moment he saw the chisel. Maybe he died a knowing victim of Simeon’s retribution. Maybe he thought it better that the knowledge of their past—Paul Halique’s ring and Simeon’s secret hatred— dissolve with his last breath.

Worse yet, maybe he couldn’t believe Simeon would do something like this. Maybe he continued to have blind faith in him despite the damning evidence. Maybe he believed in him.

[gtbutterfly]

Quincy and the forest giant part 6

Hey, here's part six of the gt story I'm writing. This one is a pretty uneventful chapter, but things will get more exciting soon after this. As usual, criticism is appreciated.

No cws this time (I think)

Here's the previous part:

__________________________________________________

I didn’t know many card games. I didn’t understand the rules of most mature card games, and most of the young card games I knew from playing them at school couldn’t be played with normal playing cards. I did know how to play “Go Fish,” but I wouldn’t call myself too good at it.

“Go Fish’ isn’t exactly a skill-based game. But it was the only game both me and Ella knew that could be played with the large, generic playing cards she had. The cards were big, about two feet long, but for Ella, they were just barely big enough for her to see without squinting. Proportionally, they were about the size of “mini” playing cards for her. Meanwhile, I had some trouble holding my cards so she couldn’t see them. I ended up having them face down on the floor (which was actually the table) and remembering which cards I had and which card was which in my head. I considered asking Ella why she even had these cards since most card games needed more than one person to play, and she was here alone, but I decided against saying anything, due to how she usually reacted to my questions.

“Do you have an ace of diamonds?” Ella asked, looking down at me while holding her cards in one hand.

“G-go fish,” I said, looking down. Ella took a card from the pile on the table. She struggled a bit to only take one.

“So, kid,” Ella asked, picking up her card, “you have any friends back home?”

“Uh, kinda,” I said, peeking at my cards while they were still face down, “do you have…a 10 of spades?”

“Go fish,” The giant said. I got up and walked to the stack of cards, sliding one off the top.

“So, there are some people I like, hang out with, sorta,” I said, “they’re…kind of my friends,”

“What do you mean ‘kinda’?” Ella asked, “Got any kings of hearts?” I took the king of hearts from my deck and held it up for her. She took it with two fingers and placed the pair in front of her on the table.

“I mean, I dunno, they would talk, and I'd ... .sorta just be there,” I said, looking down, “they like me and all, but it doesn’t really feel like I’m part of the group…do you have any 2 of spades?”

“Hmm…no,” Ella said, looking at her cards before looking at me, “so, you're not too attached to anyone in that village of yours?” The giant asked, “you wouldn’t be too sad if…y’know what? Nevermind,”

“What?” I asked, looking up at her worried,

“Don’t worry about it, it's nothing, I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Ella said, “you have any queens of clubs?”

“...no…” I said, looking down, thinking about what Ella was just saying. I tried changing the topic, “So, where’d you…uh…learn cards? Um ... .have any…one of hearts?”

“Kid, ‘go fish’ isn’t exactly the most complicated game to learn,” The giant said, taking one of the hearts out of her deck and gently placing it in front of me. I flipped over my one of hearts and paired it with hers.

“um…I mean…who taught you? Um…was it…the people from your job?” I asked, before realizing what I was asking, “Um, sorry if that's…one of those questions ... .um, do you have an ace of spades?”

“Don’t worry, it's fine,” Ella said, looking down at me, “also, you already went,”

“Oh..sorry,” I said, sheepishly looking down,

“I learned how to play cards before any of this, that's all I can say,” Ella said, “you have any 10s of spades?” she said with half of a smirk. I sighed and gave her my 10 of spades.

“um ....I know…I probably shouldn’t ask, but ... what do you mean before this?” I asked, looking up at her,

“Hmm, before this,” The giant said,

“You mean…before you were hired by…whoever you work for? Before you were a giant?” I asked,

“Maybe before those things, but definitely before I brought you here,” Ella said nonchalantly,

“Got any fives of clubs?” I asked,

“Go fish,” Ella said,

“...so…you said ... .you're human, right?” I asked, taking a card from the stack,

“When I say that?” Ella asked, shuffling through her cards,

“...when you first brought me here…when I woke up..” I said,

“Oh,” the giant said, “yeah, I said I’m a human, but bigger. Got any threes of diamonds?”

“....so….were you always like that? Um…a giant?” I asked, handing her my card.

“Hmm, y’know what?” Ella said, putting her pairs of cards on the table, “Guess,”

“...what?” I asked. Ella placed her deck of cards on the table face down and leaned towards me.

“Guess. Tell me what you think this is all about, and I’ll tell you if you're not right.”

“..really?” I asked, looking up skeptically,

“Yeah, it's not like you’ll guess correctly anyway,” the giant said,

“Um, ok, so,” I looked down trying to figure it out, thinking of everything I knew so far, “you…work with a bunch of other giants…and….um….they….no…” I tried again,” You work for….some kind of…forest god…that made you a giant ... and the disappeared humans are sacrifices for it?” Ella smiled and laughed under her breath,

“Nope, not even close,” Ella said,

“Oh…um….can I try again?” I asked,

“No, I don’t want you to try finding out through the process of elimination,” she said more sternly this time.

“Oh…ok…” I said,

“Anything you want to do other than play cards?” Ella asked me,

“Um….do you have any other….um….games?” I asked,

“Ever play chess?” The giant asked blankly.

“No, I’ve played checkers though,” I answered.

“I don’t have checkers pieces.” Ella said,

“But you do have giant chess pieces?” I asked, “and a giant chess board?”

“There are only so many board games they make giant versions of, kid.” Ella sighed,

“But…..doesn’t chess need two people?” I asked,

“...yeah,” Ella said, looking down, rubbing the back of her neck. She tried changing the topic herself, “maybe there's a game we could play without cards or a board or whatever, do you have any ideas?”

“Um…” I thought to myself about what to suggest, “I don’t think we could play like….ice breakers or anything like that…since….y’know,”

“Hmm, yeah…” Ella said, looking down, “we could do them one sided. I could stand to know a bit more about you,”

“Huh?” I looked up at her again, “what…like what?”

“I dunno, you said you were stargazing when I found you, right?” the giant asked,

“Yeah,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck,

“Do you like stargazing?” Ella asked, tilting her head at me.

“Um, I…I think so,” I said, looking down,

“You think so?” Ella said, confused.

“The stars and the sky are wonderful and all, but…” I paused, still looking down, “I don’t really…feel anything looking at them.”

“Huh, really?” Ella said. She looked down at herself before looking back at me. “I’ve never really been stargazing before. I mean, I’ve been outside at night and looked up, but I’ve never really specifically done it to look at the stars.” the giant turned towards the window. “The rain is starting to let up,”

“It is?” I asked, “Does that mean they’ll be here soon?”

“They’ll still probably won’t get here until tomorrow morning,” Ella said, “so, Quincey, if it stops raining tonight, could you maybe…. I dunno, show me what to look for?” she asked, looking down and rubbing the back of her head sheepishly, “when stargazing I mean,” I gave a light smile.

“Yeah, I could do that,”

[borom1r]

hmmm 3, 5, 6, 11, 14, 20, 22, 26, 38, 40 for the fun questions meme <3

ooooooo ok these’ll b inchresting :3

3- 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

th lotr trilogy (duh), I Saw the TV Glow, The Last Unicorn :3

5- what made you start your blog?

THIS blog? suicide bait on my old blog :3

tumblr in general? a friend showed it to me in high school n i made one n my life was irreversibly changed lmfao

6- what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

ATTENTION. double edged sword. like ok i try not to let myself care abt attention and try to be rlly careful now abt who i interact with but at the same time it rlly is validating when things Get Attention. some of my favorite fics have little to no engagement :( n like yea its not healthy to create FOR engagement (fast track 2 burnout) but its also like very disheartening to put time n effort n passion into sth only for it to fizzle out in the void

but whatever. ill make weird art forever

11- what do you consider to be romance?

THIS IS SO FUNNY 2 GET bc soooo much recently has made me reevaluate like. how I perceive this lollllll

anyways short answer: idfk man!!!!!!! close friendships n romance r incredibly cloudy in my mind cuz ive got a bad case of dogbrain!!

long answer is i just don’t quantify that stuff the way neurotypical ppl do :3 ties into th autism + nonhumanity. i also think cis ppl being attracted to me is gross lol. ideal romance for me is bein held n tended to like a noble knight tends their sword. I feel love like a dog feels abt their human!!! dogbrained!!! romance is being a guard dog, being a Really Good Boy but just soooo disconnected from like. idk allosexual/neurotypical quantifiers of “romance” for me lol

+ i don’t use th label rlly but im def somewhere on th ace spectrum lol like physical intimacy is only rlly “safe” conceptually when its completely disconnected from th realm of possibility. like thirsting over celebrities or like th knight i have a crush on. + cis ppl desiring me is rlly like.. ew 😒 don’t look @ me anymore man

14- what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

UM. funnily enough im gonna do th Big Thing this summer :3 im going 2 th renaissance festival shirtless this year now tht im post op

s’gonna be scary showin off my scars but i rlly wanna go all out n celebrate finally havin top surgery. like im alive!! despite everything im alive n im happy ^_^ so cis people be damned, im gonna run around like a lil wolfguy for the first weekend!!!!!

20- favourite things about the night?

i love the moon :3

i also love how still n quiet things get

22- say 3 things about someone you love

ITS SO BRAVE!!!!!!!!! ITS LITERALLY THE FUNNIEST GUY I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO PROUD OF IT FOR HOW MUCH WORK IT DOES TO BETTER OUR COMMUNITY N PROUD OF IT FOR PURSUING TRANSITION + CANT WAIT TO SHARE MORE TRANS JOY W/ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(hiiiiiii Ly hehe!!)

26- fave colour and why?

when i was a kid my favorite colors were neon yellow n neon pink :3 they still kinda are but now i usually stick to like lime green or bright red paired w black. forest green + dark blue r gr8 too

38- fave song at the moment?

DONT ASK ME TO PICK JUST ONE???????

here r some I’ve had on loop lately: Far Away (Roadside Ghost), Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl (Broken Social Scene), I’m Already Gone (Baroness), Sex for Homework (MSI)

40- any bad habits?

oh yea i have dermatillomania lol

it doesn’t rlly bother me to talk abt bc i think “gross” stuff like that deserves to be less stigmatized— my shoulders n back are COVERRRRREED in little scars + scabs

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I finally accepted being aroace almost a year ago. I accepted being ace a lot easier than being aro at first. I had been questioning for a few years prior but it took me a while before I moved past the amatonormativity guilt.

Two things that frustrate me about being arospec is I get asked sometimes by friends, family, or strangers, “Isn’t that normal?” Whenever I try to explain to them how my attraction works and what being aro means to me. No, it is clearly not normal considering a vast majority would look at me like I have three heads, and finding someone to love is a hassle because they expect me to cross my own boundaries for their own comfort all the time. Everyone has their needs, but those are not mine. I’d be fine with compromising if people would also put in a shared effort to compromise with my needs. I’ve tried to date allo people (in fact, all of my past relationships were with allos) and most of them ended simply because needs couldn’t be compromised. I have no ill feelings towards allo people, but 98% of them can never compromise with me when it comes to relationship needs and desires and that gets annoying.

Another thing is, because I’m arospec, I use micro-labels to describe myself. People make such a big deal out of it as if I’m asking them to remember them all. I don’t expect someone to remember all the labels I use (I’m myrromantic, so I experience 2+ arospec labels at once), since I primarily use them for my own comfort so I can understand myself. Plus it’s nice to know enough people experienced romantic attraction and desires the same as me for a label to be coined.

In general, I hate when people think I’m incapable of loving or being loved, or I’m too complicated. When in fact I’m full of love, I just love differently. To any other aros or arospec people who feel the same as me or similar, just know you’re not incapable or complicated at all and we can be full of love (whatever way love is defined for you) just as much as others. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, and be happy too. <3

This is very well said, Anon. You're 100% right. Sorry you've been having a hard time.

[jennagrinsoverml]

Do you have any Adrien-centric angst fics? Like, fics that will completely gut you emotionally and you have to lay down for an hour after you read it just to decompress?something like that?

I've recced angst fics before, but let's have some SADRIEN hours around here, shall we?

a fight that you were born to lose by @captainkirkk

When the prosecution starts throwing around the word victim in reference to Adrien, he has to stuff his hands under his thighs to keep himself from bolting out of the courtroom.

Adrien had felt unsafe during those last few weeks, but, until he had woken up and seen Father silhouetted in his bedroom doorway, that had only been paranoia. Father was controlling and cold, but he wasn’t hateful. Adrien was isolated. He was often hungry. And some weeks ago, when he had snuck out to visit Nino, sitting thigh-to-thigh on his bed while Adrien cried in that silent, crumbling way of his, he hadn’t argued when Nino put a hand on his shoulder and said, tentatively, That’s abuse.

But Adrien remembers being small and Father touching his hair after he’d aced another test; Father holding his scribbled drawings like they were something precious, and framing them around his office; Father, dressed as Hawkmoth, his eyes wild behind the mask, lashing his sword against Adrien’s baton; Father, collapsed against Mum, crying into her ashy hair.

Adrien finds out Gabriel is Hawkmoth, and Gabriel gets to bring his long-waited plan into action.

One-shot. (But a LONG one-shot--it's 18k.) This one really digs deep into the abuse that Adrien suffers at Gabriel's hands and the emotional fallout from that. Gabriel is really, really, really terrible here. Worse, I don't think it's OOC at all. This fic is gorgeous, but it's a hard read and it goes to some dark places.

Anhedonia/When Adrien Met Marinette... by @mikauzoran

Chat Noir hadn’t been lying when he told Ladybug he’d moved on. It was only when he found out that Ladybug was Marinette that he realized he was wrong. Meanwhile, Marinette thinks that she’s missed her chance when Adrien insists that he’s gotten over his feelings. Now, they’re roommates and making themselves miserable as they pine for one another, thinking the situation’s hopeless. Things finally come to a head, and they’re forced to sit down and have an honest conversation about their feelings.

One-shot. Adrien's just so sad and lonely and pining here, and I'm here for it. I really found myself getting swept away in his feelings as I was reading. This isn't dark and doesn't get into any heavy issues like some of the other fics on this list, but I found that it was very relatable and evoked a lot of emotion.

Adrien and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by @vickyvicarious

Chat Noir's used to bad luck - it kind of comes with the territory. But detransforming in the middle of a crowd of reporters is a little worse luck than he’s used to having.

And he hasn’t heard a thing from Ladybug since.

(AKA the "everyone finds out all at once" angst fic no one asked for.)

One-shot. Oof, does this one ever hurt. Adrien's painfully in-character, and the way he's trying so very hard to stay positive even as his life is completely falling apart and everyone keeps hurting him...it's so him and it packs a punch.

The Importance of the Black Cat by @chatonne-rousse

Plagg gets down almost two full wedges of cheese before Adrien sits down on the edge of his bed with a heavy sigh.

“Hey, Plagg?” His voice is quiet but doesn’t betray any emotion yet. That’s actually more worrying.

Steeling himself, Plagg swallows the last big bite of cheese and zips from the desk to perch on top of the globe, facing his holder. “What’s up?”

He heaves another sigh before looking up into Plagg’s eyes, emotions still unreadable.

“How important is the black cat?”

*****

Adrien has a lot on his mind - concerns, questions, doubts. And right now, he has only one being to confide in. There is not enough cheese in the world to make Plagg want to handle this situation, but his holder needs him, and he knows two things with certainty: his very important place in the world, and that no one hurts his kitten. Not if he has anything to say about it.

One-shot. You want some season 4 flavour Adrien angst? How about some post-Optigami wallowing? I love the portrayal of Adrien and Plagg's relationship with the mix of light and heavy. Pretty sure I still owe Rosie a sequel to this one because I wanted to see more resolution afterwards and made the mistake of sharing my thoughts on that 🙈 It's just very thought-provoking!!

Working Past It by Taitai83

Chat is deeply hurt by Ladybug's actions, and he needs to process those feelings. He finds that confiding in a friend is helpful in finding clarity.

One-shot. Here, have some more season 4 angst! This one is shamefully overlooked. Go read it and help fix that!! Remember when Gang of Secrets came out and we all wondered how Chat would react when he found out Ladybug told someone her identity? This was an early stab at that, and I found the reactions and thought processes here to be so in character. Plus there's some nice marichat hurt/comfort, though purely platonic.

Timetagger 3 by rosebud1000

Years after Hawkmoth's defeat, Marinette and Adrien encounter Timetagger for the third time. And this battle hits closer to home than any other.

One-shot. Here we have some more of the fallout from Gabriel being a shitty parent, only we have an adult Adrien who is a father himself struggling to reconcile how his father acted with his own parental feelings. As a parent, I really felt this one.

Chat Noir's Family by fleurjaune

The thing is-

The thing is Adrien doesn’t actually mean to lie. Not at first anyway, but they have to keep their secret identities secret don’t they?

And his family, well, their tragedy is out there for the world to see and the world did see it.

One-shot. The more Chat lies about his life and his family, the more we learn about Adrien and see how he wishes his life was. And that chasm...really fucking hurts. I wish this sweet boy could have the kinds of relationships and family dynamics he lies about.

Partners by @karkalicious769

"Um." Alya fidgeted nervously as her earrings beeped their countdown. "Ask me a question that only Ladybug would know the answer to."

Chat Noir barred his teeth, and— Were they always that sharp? At least he wasn't growling again. "You are not Ladybug," he snapped.

"Just do it!"

It was all Alya had to go off of and she really needed to pull this partnership together before the akuma got any worse. She wasn't deluded enough to think that she could do this without Chat Noir.

One-shot. SPOILERS FOR HACK-SAN!!! And yet some more season 4 feels because let's be serious, this season is putting our kitty through the ringer. And this fic definitely does it, though by playing with the episode a little. Although we've got a tight Alya POV, Adrien's hurt and suffering is palpable, and made all the worse by how resigned he is. Read this and sufferrrrrr.

[nightingaelic]

Companions reacting to the couriers birthday

Thanks for the lighthearted one, anon, lately I've been getting some super plot-heavy, game mechanics-heavy or just plain heavy requests, so a birthday is just what the doctor ordered 🎂 Also a happy birthday to @profess0rjam!

The courier had been acting a little strange. They slept in for once, something that had hardly happened since the mess at the dam. They seemed like they weren't paying attention to anything around them, even though Freeside was in rare form that day with caravan traders, pickpockets and children hunting rats all over the place. It wasn't until the courier tripped over a crate of barrel cactus fruit outside a farmer's trading stand and had to apologize by buying all of the bruised produce that their companion finally turned a questioning eye on them.

The courier looked down at the armful of fruit they had acquired and sighed. "Remember when we went through Primm last month? I stopped in at the Mojave Express branch there, and Johnson told me he got those records in from the Hub. Most of it was stuff I already knew- height, weight, eye color, hair color, shoe size for some reason... but they also had my birth date. It's today."

Arcade Gannon: "Whoa." Arcade straightened his glasses. "Uh... happy birthday. How do you feel?"

The courier looked from side to side and shrugged. "I don't know. I don't feel any different. Is that normal?"

"Um... yeah?" Arcade chuckled nervously. "I mean, you know you're a year older, but it's not like a switch gets turned on or off. You were still getting older even when you didn't know when your birthday was, Six."

"Yeah, but now it's... marked," the courier replied, wrinkling their nose. "Like when Mr. New Vegas talks about me on the radio. I feel weirder about his news bulletins than I do while I'm actually out doing the things he reports on."

"Well, you're alone on that one, Six," Arcade said with a hint of jealousy in his voice. "Not everyone can attract that DJ's attention the way you do. Then again, if I ever wind up on the radio, it probably won't be good news for me."

He patted the courier on the shoulder reassuringly. "Come on. Let's get rid of the cacti fruit and head to the Atomic Wrangler to celebrate. I'll buy you a drink."

Craig Boone: "Did their records tell you anything else?" Boone asked.

"Uh... no," the courier replied. "Well, a couple of things, actually. They kept track of most of my trips when they first hired me. I've been all over the place, apparently: Circle Junction, Fort Abandon, around the Big Circle a few times, even Utah. They also wrote down that I refused to tell them where I came from, so no new info there."

"Mmm-hm." Boone frowned. "It's a start, for sure. Maybe you can retrace your steps, someday."

"Yeah." The courier picked a piece of fruit and held it up, inspecting its color. "We should do something fun tonight. Celebrate."

Boone cracked a rare smile. "For your birthday? Sure."

"Want to go see a show at the Tops with me? I think the Lonesome Drifter is playing the Aces again. Maybe we can catch him after for a drink, ask him about his travels."

Boone moved to accept a few of the cactus fruit and lighten their load. "Sounds good to me."

Lily Bowen: "Well isn't that just grand," Lily said with a smile. "How old are you turning, dearie?"

The courier made a face and giggled. "How old are you, Lily?"

"A lady never reveals her age," Lily answered primly. "Point taken, pumpkin. You should walk that fruit home to the icebox while Grandma gets going on her shopping list."

"Shopping list?"

Lily nodded. "Of course. Flour, eggs, butter, sugar, and a few other things."

The courier gave her a sly look. "What are you up to, Lily?"

"It's your birthday, dearie!" Lily replied, seizing them and the fruit they were carrying in a hug. "We have to bake a cake!"

Raul Alfonso Tejada: Raul grinned. "Feliz cumpleaños, Six. Happy birthday."

The courier looked back at him with frustrated helplessness in their eyes. "What am I supposed to do with that information? What do people do for their birthdays?"

"Well, it's a bit different now than it used to be," Raul answered, scratching his bald head. "But back in my day, we threw a little party if we had the time and money. Some years were better than others, and some were bigger milestones. In my experience, once you got past 18 there wasn't much left to celebrate except staying alive for another year. Or if you were en los Estados Unidos, 21."

"Okay." The courier nodded, then kept nodding. "Okay. Can you do me a favor?"

"Sí."

They dumped the armful of fruit into his hands. "Take those to the Old Mormon Fort and pass them out to anyone who looks hungry. I need to track down some friends and see what they're doing tonight."

Rose of Sharon Cassidy: "It's your birthday?!?" Cass was positively beaming. "Well shit, Six. Could've told me sooner, and I'd have planned some kind of surprise."

"Eh-heh." The courier looked sheepish. "That's what I was afraid of."

"What?" Cass put her hands on her hips. "I didn't think my surprises were that bad."

"No, no, it's not that," the courier reassured her. "It's me. You know what I do, what I've been up to. I wasn't sure I'd... I have a lot of enemies, Cass!"

"Ohhhhh, I get it." Cass threw an arm around their shoulder and steered them through the Freeside marketplace. "You weren't sure you'd make it to today, so you didn't say anything. Gotcha."

"And I'd feel like crap if I told you my birthday was coming up, and then I bit the dust after you'd already bought me a present or something," the courier added.

"Pffft." Cass waved their concerns away. "I'd just give that present to myself, then. Don't let the ones gunning for you dictate how you live your life, Six. Now come on, let's pick out something new and shiny for your gun cabinet up in the Lucky 38. My treat."

Veronica Santangelo: "Six!" Veronica squealed and did a little dance. "Happy birthday! Oh my goodness, there's so much to do, we need to round everybody up, we need to go book a table at the Gourmand, we need to-"

She stopped when she caught the courier biting their lip. "Orrrr we could not do any of that. Whatever you like, it's your birthday."

"Can we just... I don't know." The courier shuffled their feet in the dust. "My life has been kind of crazy lately, and the people on the Strip won't leave me alone if I show my face in one of the casinos. I went up to the cocktail lounge in the Lucky 38 last night and pushed some tables together. I think we can fit everyone, even if the Securitrons will have to squeeze around us to serve drinks."

Veronica's smile returned. "Okay. Yeah, that'll work. But I don't know what kind of food House has in his pantry, nowadays."

The courier answered by holding the cactus fruit up. "This'll help."

"That's not nearly enough." Veronica looked around the marketplace. "Stay put. I'm going to go find some of those kids chasing rats. They'll probably help us carry some groceries back to the Lucky 38 for a few caps."

ED-E: The courier's eyebot bobbed and beeped quizzically, as if unfamiliar with the term.

"Um, how do I..." The courier wracked their brains. "Today is the anniversary of my... creation. My assembly."

ED-E blipped a few times in quick succession, surprised.

"No, no, that's not- no." The courier shook their head. "How do you know what that is, but not understand what a birthday is? Today is the day I came out of my mom, ED-E."

The eyebot blatted understanding and disgust, as if displeased with the mechanics of biology. The courier laughed. "Well, that's what it is. Yes, I know, humans are strange, and no, I don't know why it's important. It just is. Come on, let's go hand these out to those kids we saw earlier."

Rex: Rex cocked his head to the side, tongue lolling happily. A cactus fruit escaped the courier's arms and fell to the ground, but the cyberdog gently picked it up again and offered it to his companion.

The courier smiled down at him. "Thanks, Rex. Let's go see if the King has any more refugees in need of a meal."

[asexual-society]

So I've known for a while now that I'm ace (which I'm fine with and actually relieved by) but recently I realized that I'm also aro and honestly it's been kind of a mess.

On one hand I'm glad to finally have a label, to understand why I don't ever fall in love and find comfort knowing that there's nothing wrong with me, that there's others who feel the same.

But on the other hand it is kind of devastating? While I've been on the fence with having kids, getting married and finding "The One" was something I always imagined for myself even as a little kid. And while I don't mind being single or living alone (it's actually quite nice) it is still part of my goals in life. But knowing that my orientation prevents me from ever liking someone in a way that would make me want to spend my life with them is hard. It feels like a betrayal, you know?

And like that's not enough already there's also the internalized shame of staying single. There's this societal expectation to find someone and if you don't there's something wrong with you. And I'm scared of the rumors, I'm scared of the questions, I'm scared of being the single person in a world full of couples.

I'm running out of excuses and explanations. Coming out is also not an option. Especially to my family. My cousin came out as gay and later trans and while my relatives say they're supportive you would not believe the comments they make when we're alone (because him not hearing it makes it ok, right? It's just jokes and genuine concern, don't make a big deal out of it) And while I was 100% set on never saying anything about being aroace this whole thing just made me crawl even deeper in my closet. Besides I know they wouldn't understand that I'm not making it up, that it's a real orientation, that it's not because being LGBT is now "cool", that I'm not just insecure because I never had a boyfriend and that childhood crushes don't prove im actually allo.

This accidentally turned into a rant, I'm sorry, I don't have anyone else to talk to about these things.

My actual question was: Do you have any tips to help me accept the way I feel and let go of my dream to get married one day? Are there others dealing with the same issue?

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that anon, it can be really hard to come to terms with your identity, especially if you don't have a support system. I just want to say before anything else that regardless of whether you come out or not, that's okay, your comfort and safety come first and you don't owe anyone that information. At some point people will stop asking you why you're single, although I usually use "I'm not really interested", which has served me well so far, but you could try "I'm too busy" or "It's not the right time" instead. I know it's easy for me to say, but confidence and security in your identity does come with time, and it won't always feel so shameful or embarrassing. I care a lot about what people think of me in most things, but about the fact I'm single? Why do they care so much? They should get a hobby instead of putting their nose in my business.

Learning to grow past the desires we had when we were younger and the dreams we had for what our lives would look like in the future is never easy, and you're not alone in struggling. For me it took a while to figure out what I really wanted after I came out, whether that be marriage or a queerplatonic partner or kids or a house with friends or a little flat with several cats, but sometimes it takes actually seeing someone living that life to recognise it as an option.

I knew pretty early on after I came out that I didn't want to get married (although I'd dreamt of it for my whole childhood), but it took 2 years after that to decide I didn't want kids at all (either biological or adopted), and I'm still not sure if I'll ever be in a long term committed relationship of any kind, but you can still have those things! Being aroace doesn't prevent you from having a committed relationship if that's something you want, it just might look a little different from what other people have.

It might help you to try and figure out what you do want your future to be like with this new information. It doesn't have to be a complete overhaul of all the things you used to want, you're just rethinking it with the new information you have. If getting married is something you really want, you could have that with a QPP, or if the idea of a big wedding always low-key freaked you out, now you know why and you can hold onto that idea when you're feeling bad about not having one.

My biggest advice however, is to find examples of people who are happily single into old age. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, but that can be hard to internalise, I think one issue that younger aro people in particular struggle with is a lack of role models; it's hard to imagine living past 40 if all the people you see older than that are in relationships or married with kids. Read about unconventional relationships and found families or single people who adopt or people who are married to their work and know that your life can be filled with all this joy in different forms and that marriage is only one of countless ways you can live.

- mod key

[baya-ni]

The Queer Appeal of Sk8

Recently @mulberrymelancholy reblogged a post of mine with a truly galaxy brain take about how Sk8 “is a show made for queer fans” and generally how sports anime often depicts love and relationships in a way that’s more accessible and relatable to ace/arospec people than other mainstream media does.

Just, *chef’s kiss* fucking brilliant. I urge you to read their post here (note I’m referring to the reblog not the actual post).

And basically, it got me thinking about this concept of Sk8 as a Queer Show, and the kinds of stories and dynamics that tend to attract queer audiences in droves, regardless of whether its queerness is made explicit or hell, whether that queerness was intended.

And that’s what I’ve been pondering: What are the cues, markers, or coding, in Sk8 that set off the community’s collective gaydar?

I obviously can’t speak for the community. So here’s what aspects of the show intrigued me and what, for me, marks Sk8 as a Queer Show beyond the subtextual queer romances: a punk/alternative aesthetic, Found Family, Shadow as a drag persona, and The Hands.

1.) The Punk Aesthetic

All three of the above screenshots are taken from Ep 1, and every single one of them depicts background characters. They’re nameless and ultimately unimportant characters, yet each of them designed so distinctly and so unique from one another, one could mistake each of them for the main character(s) of another story.

Of what little I know about Punk subculture, I do know this: that the ethos of Punk is heavily built around a celebration of individuality and non-conformity. Sk8 seems to have incorporated this ethos into the very fabric its worldbuilding, and the aesthetics and culture upon which it takes inspiration appeals specifically to a queer audience.

I don’t really need to explain why Punk has such deep ties with the queer community. For decades, queer people have found community and acceptance within punk spaces, and punk ideology is something that I think is just ingrained in the queer consciousness as both lived experience and a survival tactic.

Therefore, a show that adopts punk aesthetics is, by association, already paying homage to Queer culture, intentional or not.

Queer fans notice this- like recognizes like.

2.) Found Family

This also needs little explanation.

Too often, queer individuals cannot rely on their “born into” families for support and acceptance. Too often, we are abused, neglected, and abandoned by those who we were taught would “always be there for us.”

And so, a universal experience for queer people has been redefining the meaning of Family, having to build our families from scratch, finding brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers in people with whom we have no blood relation, and forming communities tied together by shared lived experience rather than shared genetics.

And this idea of Found Family is also built into Sk8′s narrative.

Like, for example, the way that Reki promises MIYA that he and Langa will “never disappear from [his] sight,” filling the void that MIYA felt after his friends abandoned him.

And in the way that JOE becomes a paternal figure for Reki, teaching him ways to improve in skateboarding, and ensuring that Reki doesn’t self isolate when he’s feeling insecure.

And in the whole Ep 6 business with Hiromi acting as babysitter to the Gang.

Hell, even ADAM (derogatory) is associated with this trope. Abused as a child, he finds solace in an underground skateboarding community and culture he helped create- his own found family (or some powertrippy version of it anyway).

Again, queer fans see themselves depicted in the show, but this time in the way that the show gives importance to Found Family relationships between its characters.

3.) Shadow and Drag

This is one that’s more of an association that I personally made. But I was intrigued by the way that Hiromi adopts his SHADOW persona. He wears SHADOW like a mask, and adopts a personality seemingly so opposite to his day-to-day behavior.

Further, the theatricality and general “gender fuckery” of his SHADOW persona, to me, just seemed so similar to a the characteristics of a drag persona (I don’t know a whole lot about drag but enough that I’m drawing superficial similarities).

There’s also this aspect of a “double life” that he, and actually all the other adult characters of the show, have to adopt, which is a way of living that I’m sure a lot of queer viewers see themselves reflected in.

4.) The Hands

Ohhhh the Hands.

One of the things I noticed very early on is the way the show constantly draws our attention to Reki’s hands, which I thought was a little strange for an anime about skating. After all, skating doesn’t really involve the hands, or at least the show doesn’t really draw attention to hands within the context of skating.

I count 3 times so far between Eps 1-9 in which hands are the focus of the frame.

First, when Reki teaches Langa how to fist pump after Langa lands his first ollie, second, when Reki and Langa make their Promise, and finally, when Langa saves Reki from falling off his board.

And you know what they say, twice is a coincidence but thrice is a motif (no one else actually says this I think I’m the only one who says this lol).

I’m not really certain why hands seem to be such a shared fixation among queer people (at least among those I interact with). All I know is that gay people are just fucking obsessed with them.

I have a Theory as to why, and at this point I’d love for other people to chime in and “compare notes” if you will, but I think it basically has to do with repression. And in the same way that queer people have had to redefine the meaning of family, we’ve also had to redefine intimacy.

Being overtly physically affectionate with someone of the same sex, even if they’re your significant other, or often specifically BECAUSE they’re your significant other, can still be dangerous, even now despite the “progression” of society. Queer people know this, this vigilant surveillance of our environment and ourselves, always asking ourselves, “Am I safe enough to be myself?”

Already, Western culture is pretty touch-averse. That is, it’s considered taboo to touch someone unless they’re a family member or a romantic partner. And to touch a person of the same sex in any way that could be misconstrued as romantic (which is most things tbh) is a big no no.

There’s just A Lot to unpack there.

But basically I think that queer people, by necessity, have had to learn to romanticize mundane or unconventional ways of being physically intimate so that we can continue to be romantic with one another without “being caught” so to speak.

Kissing and hugging is too obvious. But a handshake that lingers for just a second too long is much more likely to go unnoticed, braiding someone’s hair can easily be explained away as just lending a helping hand, touching palms to “compare hand sizes” is just good fun.

But for queer people, these brief and seemingly insignificant touches hold greater meaning, because it’s all we are allowed, and all we allow ourselves, to exchange with others.

God, I’ve gone off and rambled again. What’s my point? Basically that the way the show draws attention to Reki’s hands, and specifically how they’re so often framed with Langa’s hands, is one of the major reasons why I clocked Sk8 as a Queer. It’s just something that resonated with me and my own experience of queerness, and I know that I’m not the only one who noticed either.

~

So in conclusion, uhhhh yeah Sk8 the Infinity is just a super gay show, and it’s not even because of the homo-romantic subtext (that at this point is really just Text).

Because what’s important to understand is that Queerness isn’t just about same-sex romance.

Queer Love isn’t just shared between wives/girlfriends, husbands/boyfriends, and all their in-betweens. Queer Love can be two best friends who come out together, queer siblings who rely and support one another, a gay teacher who helps guide one of their questioning students, a queer community pitching in to help a struggling member.

And that all ties with another important thing to consider, that what we refer to as the “queer experience” or “queer culture” isn’t universal. In fact, it wrongly lumps together the unique experiences and struggles of queer BIPOC all under one umbrella that’s primary White and middle class.

So I think what drives a lot of my frustration about labeling a show like Sk8 as Queerbait is this very issue of considering queerness and queer representation within such narrow standards, and mandating that a show must pass a certain threshold of explicit queerness to be considered good representation.

I get that someone might only feel represented by an indisputable canonization of a same-sex couple. That’s fine. But labeling Sk8 as Queerbait for that reason alone ignores the vast array of other queer experiences.

The aspects of Sk8 that resonate most deeply with my own experiences of queerness is in the way that Reki and Langa share intimacy through skating (intricate rituals heyo). For me, them officially getting together ultimately doesn’t matter- I’ll consider Sk8 a Queer show regardless.

Similarly, @mulberrymelancholy​ finds ace/arospec representation in that very absence of an on-screen kiss. A bisexual man might find representation in Reki, not because he enters a canon relationship, but in the depiction of Reki’s coming of age, growing up and navigating adolescent relationships. A non-binary person might feel represented through CHERRY’s androgyny.

That’s the thing, I don’t know how this show will resonate with other members of the queer community, and it’d be wrong to make a judgement on Sk8′s queer representation based on my experiences alone.

That being said, Straight people definitely don’t get to judge Sk8 as Queerbait. Y’all can watch and enjoy the show, we WANT you to enjoy these kinds of shows, and we want you to share these shows and contribute to the normalization and celebration of these kinds of narratives.

But understand that you don’t have a right to tell us whether or not Sk8 has good or bad queer representation.

And even members of the queer community are on thin ice. Your experience of queerness is not universal. Listen to the other members of your community, and respect that what you might find lacking in this show may be the exact representation that someone else needs.

[charincharge]

"Maybe if I stab you, you'll understand what I'm feeling like right now" - for the period one

I Don’t Want To Wait, eighth grade

rowaelin high school bff au: past-take masterlist

AN: Another holiday, another past-take. Enjoy this super sweet ride back to eighth grade with our two favorite idiots. And have a very Happy Valentine’s Weekend! xoxo, Char

Excitement rippled through the halls of Orynth Middle School as the eighth graders gathered their valentines from their lockers and headed to the pick-up circle for the end of the day. A steady stream of whispers flowed through the halls, discussing their big evening plans. It was the grade’s first boy/girl party, and everyone was talking about it — whether they’d been invited or not. It was being thrown by a new student, who’d just transferred schools from Eyllwe. Nehemia was stunningly beautiful with her rich brown skin and long braids clasped in ornate gold accessories, coming into eighth grade with an air of sophistication and worldliness that had everyone clamoring for her attention. And apparently she thought the best way to make friends was to throw an exclusive Valentine’s Day party in her family’s rented house on the outskirts of Terrasen.

Anyone who was anyone had been invited, and though Aelin would never admit it, she was relatively surprised when she’d opened her mailbox last week and found the invitation waiting for her. Surprised, but thrilled.

“What are you going to wear?” Lysandra asked. “What does ‘festive casual’ even mean?”

“Red?” Rowan piped in, shoving his gloved finger into Aelin’s shoulder. “You look good in red, Ace.”

“I do look good in red,” Aelin smiled, hoping that the blush that rose to her cheeks would be hidden by her already flushed skin, red from the cold February winds.

Aelin was grateful that her two closest friends would also be there tonight. She couldn’t imagine being brave enough to go to a party without Lysandra or Rowan.

Lys flicked her chestnut hair dramatically over her shoulder, sighing loudly. “I look fine in red, but I look way better in green.” She pursed her lips. “I do have that pink top I got over Christmas,” Lysandra added thoughtfully.

“The low cut one?” Aelin gasped, remembering the sparkly pink top Lysandra had purchased on a whim. She only remembered it because she’d tried on the same one in blue and had put it back immediately, deeming it much too revealing to feel comfortable in. Though she guessed she didn’t have anything to show off in that particular department quite yet.

A wicked grin appeared on Lysandra’s face as she shrugged. “Some of us are going to try and get kissed tonight.”

Aelin tried her very hardest not to look in Rowan’s direction at the mention of kissing, but she couldn’t help it. She let her blue eyes slide to his face, and she watched as his cheeks paled, staring at her in horror, his jaw tensing as he breathed in deeply.

“There’s going to be kissing at this party?”

“What did you think was going to happen?” Lysandra laughed at Rowan’s discomfort, and Aelin watched as his brow furrowed and his nose scrunched up as if he’d just smelled something terrible. “Don’t you have someone you want to kiss?”

Aelin’s heart thumped erratically in her chest, waiting for him to answer Lysandra’s question with an annoyingly hopeful heart.

“What?” Rowan asked, scrunching his nose further. “No. No way.”

“What about you, Aelin?” Lysandra asked, and Aelin opened her mouth to answer, wondering what she was going to say; it’s not like she could tell anyone the real answer. She was infinitely relieved when a car horn beeped in her direction.

Her dad leaned over and waved to her and her friends, and Aelin had never been more grateful to see him than in that moment. She gathered her backpack from the sidewalk and ran to the car without answering her friend.

“See you tonight!” she called out as she entered the warmth of her dad’s sedan.

Her stomach churned as she glanced out the window and saw Rowan’s curious gaze following after her. She buckled her seatbelt and tore her eyes away from his. As if she hadn’t been nervous enough before, now she had to think about kissing?

She took a deep breath and ignored the uncomfortable pang that settled in her stomach. She’d been looking forward to this party all week, and it was going to be amazing. Whether she was kissed or not.

. . .

“Well, you look very pretty, Fireheart,” Rhoe said as Aelin finally came down the stairs. It had taken her two hours to find the perfect outfit, but she finally had. She spun around, feeling incredibly in her red off the shoulder sweater and black skirt. She loved the way it flared around her knees when she spun, showing off the patterned tights she’d pulled from the bottom of her drawer. They were a little snug and pinched at her waist, but it was far too cold to go anywhere with bare legs.

“Thanks,” she said, wrapping a bright red ribbon around her half ponytail.

“You ready to go?” he asked, and she nodded, excited. They made their way to Rowan’s to pick him up, and Aelin couldn’t help but smile as she saw him. He jogged excitedly to the car, making his way into the backseat with Aelin.

“Where’s your red?” Aelin asked, and she could feel her cheeks heat as he shrugged off his thick jacket to reveal a red and white baseball t-shirt underneath. How did Rowan look so cute in everything?

Aelin let her eyes tear away from her handsome best friend to his Aunt, who was approaching the car with a big wave. Rhoe rolled down the window to greet the woman whose long dark hair was curled into smooth waves and her eyes smudged with dark shadow, making her look even more stunning than usual.

“Whoaaa, big date tonight?” Rhoe asked, and Maeve laughed heartily.

“It’s rare I have a Friday night to myself.” She paused. “I am going out to dinner, but don’t worry, I will have my phone on.”

Rhoe smiled as he handed her Aelin’s overnight bag.

“Reminder,” Rhoe said, pointing to the kids in his backseat. “I am at the station tonight, but if you want to leave this party at any time, Maeve will come and get you.”

“Dadddd,” she whined as Maeve nodded effusively. “We’re going to be fine.”

He sighed and patted Aelin’s knee, squeezing it gently. “You’re so big now. You’re practically grown ups.”

“I’m only thirteen,” she laughed.

Rowan sat up taller as he announced, “I’m fourteen.”

“We know,” Maeve laughed. “Have fun, you two. See you at nine.”

Despite her best friend at her side, the drive to Nehemia’s house was long enough for the nerves in Aelin’s stomach, which had previously subsided, to start tumbling around furiously again. She tugged at the waistband of her skirt, giving herself room to breathe a little deeper, but it didn’t help. She kept remembering the word ‘kissing’ and getting nervous all over again. Was she going to kiss someone tonight? Would Rowan? Her stomach clenched uncomfortably at that thought.

“You okay?” Rowan asked, noticing her fidgeting beside him.

“Mhm,” she nodded.

He definitely knew she was lying, but she was grateful he didn’t press her. She didn’t think she’d be able to explain what was causing her so much anguish.

“Wow, nice place…” Rhoe commented as he pulled up the long driveway. Nice was a bit of an understatement. The house was much less a house and more of a castle. Giant windows took up most of the front of the house, showing the thriving party inside. “Have fun!” Rhoe called out to them, but Aeiln was only focused on her breathing. The nerves in her gut had multiplied and exploded, and she was starting to feel like she had a real stomach ache.

Rowan exited the car first, and she was grateful that he reached back and helped her out of the car. She felt unsteady on her feet.

“You sure you’re okay?” he asked, and Aelin nodded again, relieved that he let her link her arm with his as they made their way into the party.

Inside it was, like, a real party. Aelin struggled to take another breath, looking at the boys and girls dancing closely, backs and fronts pressed against each other with not a millimeter of air between them as hips swayed in time with the music overhead. Grinding. Lysandra had told her the name for that particular dance. People were grinding.

Of course that’s where Lysandra was already, on the dance floor with some boy’s hands placed dangerously low on her hips as they moved together. Aelin gulped. Was she going to have to dance like that? She didn’t think she’d be able to.

“I don’t have to dance, do I?” Rowan asked quietly, and Aelin smiled as she looked over at his panicked face.

“No way,” she said, thinking the exact same thing.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

“Where do we go first?” Aelin asked, looking to Rowan for guidance, but it was as if his shyness had been activated at the sight of so many people. He shoved his hands into his pockets and his shoulders hunched over as his eyes scanned the crowds of students.

Ugh. He would be no use.

“Aelin!” Aelin gasped as two dark arms wrapped around her shoulders, hugging her tightly and pulling her away from Rowan. “Thank you so much for coming!”

Aelin nodded dumbly at her party host, who smiled widely at the pair who’d just entered her house. She wore a flowy pink top that billowed around her like an ethereal cloud and jeans that looked more expensive than anything Aelin had ever owned. Aelin struggled to say something, but she didn’t have to worry. Nehemia was playing gracious host, explaining the set up to them as she gave them a small guided tour.

“Feel free to join people on the dance floor,” she explained, pointing to the wooden floor that had been set up in the middle of the room. “I think there are a few games going on in the other room, if you’re not up for dancing,” she continued, pointing to the circle of kids on the plush couches on the other side of the hall, hovered around a table. “And we have tons of snacks in the kitchen.”

Aelin could practically hear the relief flow through Rowan as Nehemia led them to her mostly empty kitchen. It was much calmer and quieter without the music blaring overhead, plus… Nehemia might have undersold when she said there were “snacks” available. It looked like the baking display at Maeve’s on special holidays. Despite the uncomfortable band pinching her waist, she couldn’t help but gasp in delight as she saw the spread in the kitchen.

Pink frosted cupcakes were plated by the dozen, surrounded by bowls upon bowls of all kinds of chocolate. Chocolate covered pretzels with red sugar crystals, heart shaped chocolates in beautiful red wrappers, bowls of powder covered truffles…. Aelin licked her lips. She loved chocolate.

“Want something, Ace?” Rowan asked, half laughing because she was certain he already knew the answer.

“Cupcake please!”

Nehemia smiled. “Oh, I’m glad you’re going to take one. We ordered them special from my favorite bakery in Eyllwe,” she told Aelin, and she nodded excitedly, happy that she seemed to have gained approval from the new girl.

She reached for the cupcake in Rowan’s hands and took a large bite immediately. She hummed with happiness as the chocolate cake and strawberry frosting hit her tongue, relishing in the sweetness.

“So good,” she mumbled through the crumbs, earning another smile from Nehemia. She managed to inhale it in about three bites, laughing as Rowan flicked a stray crumb from her nose. “Whoops,” she laughed. Nehemia joined in the laughter but flitted off to welcome her next party guests — an overhead ding announced the front door opening.

“Want to go check out the games?” Rowan asked, and Aelin nodded. Since grinding with Rowan was not an option, games sounded safer.

But as they made their way into the adjacent room, Aelin realized her mistake. A glass bottle spun slowly, making its way around the circle and finally landed on a grinning Dorian Havillard. She felt her stomach tumble as he leaned over the table and pressed his lips against a shy girl in her computer class named Sorscha. Only, she didn’t seem so shy right now. She was kissing Dorian in front of practically her whole class!

Aelin was too afraid to look at Rowan, but out of the corner of her eye she could see him wringing his fingers in front of himself. A sure sign of discomfort.

The crowd cheered as the pair parted, their faces flushed and eyes glowing as Sorscha passed the bottle to a boy on her left. He turned around with a wide smile.

“You two wanna join?” he asked, scooting over to make room for Aelin and Rowan to sit. Umm. No. No they did not. Dancing would be less weird than this.

Aelin’s jaw almost came unhinged as Rowan replied with a quiet, “Sure.”

Sure? SURELY he knew what he was say yes to, right?

Aelin whipped around to look at him, his brow set in a determined line as he glanced back at her. He shrugged, as if to say Why not? And Aelin was positive her face read the thousand reasons why they could not. First, she didn’t want to risk kissing anyone except for Rowan. Second, she didn’t want to see Rowan kiss anyone else, and third, she absolutely didn’t want her first kiss to be in a game of spin the bottle? At a party? In front of all these people?

As Rowan began to sit, Aelin’s stomach flipped again. Like. Really bad. Like, worse than just nerves.

It had to be these tights. They felt like they were squeezing her insides, and now that there was food inside her, it needed to come out immediately. This was not good.

“Uh, does anyone know where the bathroom is?” Aelin asked the circle, avoiding eye contact with Rowan, who had fully sat down now. She knew it wasn’t smart to leave him alone to kiss whoever he wanted, but her stomach did that awful squeezing thing again, and she knew if she waited much longer she’d completely embarrass herself.

“Down the hall and to the right,” Sorscha pointed, and Aelin smiled graciously, ignoring Rowan’s raised brow, seemingly asking her What’s wrong?

“Be right back,” she mumbled, trying to walk calmly down the long hall, despite her insides feeling like they were revolting against her. Luckily, there was no one inside the small powder room, and she was able to slip in and lock the door, quickly divesting herself of her tights as she plopped down onto the toilet.

And that’s when she saw it. The small patch of dark red on the inside of her underwear.

No no no no no. Not now! Anything but this!

She didn’t have any kind of pad to use, and she desperately needed to get back to the game of spin the bottle. But she knew she was stuck.

Her heart pounded and tears stung at the corners of her eyes.

Desperately, she looked around the small bathroom. Surely there had to be something here, right? But as she took in the ornate pedestal sink and scanned the decorative shelves, displaying fancy bottles of perfume and pungent candles, she knew she was out of luck. There was absolutely no place to hide any kind of feminine products in this place.

How could she have been so stupid? It’s not like Aelin didn’t know that this day would come eventually, she just didn’t think it would be this day. Lysandra had gotten her period two years ago! It was so long ago, that Aelin had kind of forgotten that one day it’d happen to her, too. It wasn’t as if Rowan had to deal with anything like this.

Her eyes clouded with unshed tears as she thought of him. He was probably going to end up kissing some amazing girl tonight, and they’d fall in love, and she’d be his girlfriend and then probably wife, and they’d have beautiful children and live happily every after, all because Aelin had to hide inside the bathroom until Maeve came and got them in… she glanced at her phone… two more hours!

Another ripple of pain tightened across her abdomen, and she leaned over, trying to find a more comfortable position, but it was useless. She was going to die alone in the powder room of the coolest new girl in school, missing the party that everyone would surely be talking about come Monday.

She had to get back out there. She couldn’t lose Rowan to some random girl in a game of spin the bottle! And why was he so eager to play? Her worry spiraled again as she imagined his future happy life with some nameless faceless girl he kissed. Maybe she could scrunch up some toilet paper and put it in her underwear? At least she was wearing black, so nothing would show if it leaked. But as she was hit with another pang of nausea, she knew she wasn’t going anywhere.

A knock at the bathroom door startled her, as she cried out, “There’s someone in here!” as confidently as she could while feeling like she was being stabbed in the gut.

“Ace?” The last voice she wanted to hear right now called out. “Are you okay?” Rowan asked. “You’ve been gone for a while.”

“I’m fine!” she called out through clenched teeth.

She could see the shadow of his feet moving on the other side of the door and hoped that meant he’d left her alone, but she knew she wasn’t that lucky.  

“I can call Aunt Maeve to come get us if you’re not feeling well.”

Aelin let her head hang in defeat. She should just let him do that. But she knew Maeve hadn’t gotten all dressed up tonight just to come pick up Aelin, either. No. She could stick it out for a little bit longer.

“I’m not sick,” she said, pulling up her underwear and kicking off her too tight tights all the way. There was no way those were going back on. Not a chance.

“Are you…upset?” Rowan’s voice called through the door, and Aelin knew her best friend wasn’t going to leave her alone until he made sure she was fine. Which meant showing him her face.

She took a deep breath and turned the knob on the door, cracking it open just a fraction of an inch, but he pushed it open further. His eyes examined every inch of her face, looking at her thoroughly as a slow frown appeared on his lips.

“You are sick,” he said, holding the back of his hand to her clammy forehead, his frown deepening at her cool touch. She shivered, and his eyes dipped down to her bare legs in confusion.

“I’m not sick,” she whined. “I…” She took a deep breath. Was she really going to tell him this? Searching his stubborn gaze, she knew was going to. He’d never leave her alone otherwise. “I got my period,” she whispered as low as she could, and Rowan’s jaw loosened, forming a small o as he scanned her again.

“For the first time?” he asked, and she could feel her ire rising as he continued to hover in the doorway.

“Yes, for the first time,” she hissed. “And I don’t have… things.” She could feel her cheeks heating. “Will you please leave me alone and put a note on the door that it’s out of service or something?” she mumbled. The only thing that could make this worse was if she had to evacuate the bathroom.

Rowan nodded, shutting the door, and Aelin finally exhaled and let herself sink to the bathroom floor. She hugged her knees into her chest, realizing that if she pressed on her stomach, the pain slightly subsided there. She had just rested her cheek to her knees when there was another knock on the door.

“It’s just me,” Rowan said, causing Aelin to groan. Hadn’t she asked him to leave her alone? “Can I come in?”

Aelin didn’t bother standing up; she just reached for the doorknob and twisted it open with a loud sigh. Rowan looked around the empty bathroom for her, taking a second to find her curled up on the floor.

“Here,” he said, squatting down to her level and holding out his hand to her. She held hers below and looked up at him with wide eyes as two blue pills fell into her palm. “It’ll help.” He reached his other arm out and handed her a can of coke.

Without questioning how or why, Aelin placed the pills in her mouth and swallowed them quickly, enjoying the way the sweet bubbly liquid felt on her tongue. She was so rarely allowed to have soda, and it was delicious.

Rowan’s cheeks turned a slight shade of pink as he reached into his back pocket and handed her a small yellow wrapped square.

“This was all I could find in one of the upstairs bathrooms,” he said quietly. “I hope it’s okay?”

Aelin’s eyes looked anywhere but at the face that was far too close to hers as she took the pad from his fingers, mumbling out a small “Thanks.”

“Do you know how…” he asked, and Aelin thought she was going to burn alive from embarrassment as she pushed herself up to standing.

“I think I can figure it out,” she snapped, pushing him out of the bathroom and locking the door behind him. UGH! So embarrassing.

She sat on the toilet and unwrapped the square, her eyebrow raising as the pad unfolded itself. She examined it quickly, and deduced that it was pretty intuitive. She peeled off the paper adhesive and affixed the pad to the inside of her underwear, relieved that she wouldn’t have to worry about blood getting anywhere.

After washing her hands, she was about to retreat to her same spot on the floor when she saw those same shadows shuffling around on the other side of the door. Sighing, she opened the door again where a pacing Rowan was waiting for her.

“You’re hovering,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Leave me alone, Buzzard,” she said, enjoying the way the nickname sounded on her tongue.

“I called Aunt Maeve,” he said, his eyes apologetic. “She said she can be here in thirty minutes.” He watched as Aelin sighed again. “Do you want to go back out there? Or…”

He trailed off, and Aelin bit her lip and shook her head. The idea of rejoining the party seemed absolutely awful. “I’m just going to wait in here. Come get me when she’s here?”

Rowan nodded again and headed down the hall, and Aelin sank to the floor again, bringing her knees up to her chest in the only position that had made her feel comfortable so far. The floor was a little cold against the backs of her thighs, so she made a tiny seat for herself out of her scrunched up tights. She settled in and hoped the pills Rowan had brought her would kick in quickly. And that Rowan wouldn’t move on too quickly from her.

When there was a third knock at the door, Aelin didn’t even bother raising her head. She just chuckled softly and called out, “Come in.”

Rowan slipped in and closed the door behind him, settling next to her with a large bowl of chocolates she recognized from the elaborate kitchen spread Nehemia had showed them. She unwrapped one immediately and plopped it into her mouth, smiling when Rowan did the same.

“Don’t settle for a spark,” he read off the inside of the chocolate wrapper. “Light a fire instead.”

He snorted and crumpled up the foil, tossing it into the small trashcan in front of them.

“Calories only exist if you count them,” Aelin said, smiling wider.

“It does not say that,” Rowan laughed, grabbing the foil from her hands, which—did, in fact, say that.

“I’m sorry I ruined the party for you,” Aelin apologized. She felt horrible about that, but Rowan shook his head. “You could go back out there, if you wanted…”

“I only came to hang out with you anyway,” he said, causing something in Aelin’s chest to constrict tightly. Gods, she loved him so, so much.

Aelin sighed and placed her head down on her knees again, this time resting her cheek against them so she could look at Rowan beside her. He mirrored her position, his knees up and his face tilted toward hers, smiling softly. After a few minutes of silence, Rowan finally spoke up again.

“Does it really hurt?” he asked, and Aelin’s smile fell from her face as she acknowledged the all consuming pain residing in her lower stomach.

“Maybe if I stab you you’ll understand what I’m feeling like,” she said, and Rowan cringed.

“That bad?”

“Worse,” Aelin said, hugging her knees in tighter to fight off another wave of pain. “Thanks for…” she shrugged, taking another chocolate and popping it into her mouth.

Rowan shrugged back. “It’s nothing. Aunt Maeve gets cramps really bad.” His brows furrowed as he remembered some conversation with her. “She always told me I needed to be the kind of boyfriend who could buy tampons and pads and not be scared of a little blood.” His cheeks reddened as he sat up suddenly. “Not that I’m your boyfriend or that you have a boyfriend,” he sputtered, and Aelin sighed, knowing that was definitely true. “I just meant…” He sighed as his cheeks dotted with a deeper red. “You understand what I’m saying, right?” He cleared his throat, which was suddenly scratchy and dry. “Anyway, are you feeling better at all? The pain pills should be kicking in, and caffeine is supposed to help, too.”

Aelin snorted at her worrywart of a best friend. “Yes, Buzzard.”

He quirked his eyebrow at her in that way she utterly hated as he inquired about the repeated nickname. “Buzzard?”

“Yeah,” she said, poking at his bony shoulder. “Always circling around, watching me like a hawk.” She widened one eye as large as it could go, leaning her head toward him and causing him to laugh raucously. She loved that sound. She heard it so rarely. “Scavenging for supplies,” she added, nudging her knee into his.

“Buzzard,” he repeated matter-of-factly, solidifying the nickname.

“Thanks again for taking care of me, Buzzard,” she said quietly, watching a smile spread across his face. “I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here.”

“Any time,” he said, knocking his foot into hers.

“So, once a month?” she asked. “Every month? For the rest of my life?” She knew it was a lot, but if he was offering…she was definitely taking him up on it.

He snorted and handed her another chocolate. “Sure, Ace.”

She stuffed it into her mouth and smiled. Everyone was going to be talking about the fun they had at this party on Monday, but as she looked at her laughing best friend on the floor beside her, she couldn’t bring herself to care.

~*~

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[aizawaslovebot]

NOW PLAYING: the ex factor by iwaizumi hajime

—reader pronouns: he/him

—warnings: curse words ; had to be cut into two parts bec i want it that way ><

—summary: desperate times mean desperate measures, and y/n l/n is definitely the embodiment of desperate. eager to make his ex jealous for reasons undisclosed (read as: he's just petty), he asks his long-time best friend, iwaizumi hajime, to pretend as his boyfriend.

—note: the second part will be out in 3 days! VERY SORRY FOR THE VERY LONG WAIT UHU

TAGLIST: OPEN ; send an ask to be added even if you've already sent an ask back then!! because all that i could recall is @ohmygodronnie2020 and @beyond-the-mxxn

<- the sweetheart playlist | part i | part ii ->

Iwaizumi Hajime should’ve trusted his gut when it went crazy at the sight of you, Y/N L/N, whose eyes held a very mischievous glint that Iwa hated. He also should’ve turned you down immediately the moment you opened your mouth. Iwa definitely should’ve reprimanded you for roping him into this stupid plan.

Sadly, all he’s doing is crying over spilt milk.

He could remember it like it was yesterday. Years of dealing with Shittykawa meant that he knew when bullshit was about to happen. He thought going to California meant finally meeting someone who isn't an idiot on the daily. You were his contradiction. You were his idiot— basically like Shittykawa’s younger, much more mischievous brother.

Honestly, did Iwaizumi only attract idiots?

On the days you aren’t going on and on and on about why the government should be overthrown or why the both of you should buy a frog table for your shared dorm, he found you to be a nice guy. The people Iwa has met always had a hidden layer to them and you were one of them. Shittykawa was one too. Though Iwa wishes he didn’t introduce the both of you to each other— you become an unstoppable ball of everything annoying when you talk to each other.

But I digress. Iwa isn’t here to cry over why he only had chaos for best friends. Iwa is here because you, Y/N L/N, while you happened to be Iwa’s contradiction for all things he considered his norm, had asked him a very big favor.

“No,” Iwaizumi grunts, regretting even entertaining the male’s request. He could see your (h/c) hair bob as you groan out of frustration. Unbeknownst to the male, you were mulling over using what has to be Iwa’s biggest weakness: your very adorable puppy eyes.

“Iwa-chaaaan,” You sniff, putting on doe-eyes for Iwa to see, “I really want to make him jealous.”

Iwa sighs, subtly turning away so he didn’t have to see the tear-stained cheeks and the glossy eyes. The poor male was about to speak, pointing out that you had been influenced by Oikawa with the damn nickname, but he was cut off.

“He hurt me a lot, y’know?” You started to well up, for real this time, “I just wanted revenge…”

Iwa sighs again but he noticeably softens, opening his arms to let you cry while he hugs you. As you wept, you accepted his gesture and immediately let yourself be engulfed in your best friend’s arms. “You’ve yet to tell me why you two broke up, dumbass,” Iwa chided, though it was lighthearted.

“Zumi, is this your backhanded way of saying yes?” You asked, but your voice was muffled by his chest.

Iwa sighs for the nth time that day as he finally resigns to his fate, “Yes.”

That encounter was a week ago. You gave Iwaizumi enough time to prepare and regret his life choices. Honestly, he should’ve predicted that his idiot timed things perfectly so that your stupid plan would take place on the university-wide party the following week. Iwa could proudly say that most of his predictions were accurate and on point. Then again, his predictions were futile anyway— the best example could be his judgement on your then-boyfriend, Akuma Azamuku.

The brunette could clearly remember how he was able to discern more than enough red flags from just meeting the god forsaken guy. It was annoying how blind you could be when you’re heads over heels in love with the wrong people. Were you not really able to see how toxic this… Akuma guy is? Terrible name too, might he add. Iwaizumi would rather you date him than this devil spawn.

But he didn’t move a muscle. Iwaizumi didn’t move a muscle especially after that thought emerged from his head. What in Godzilla’s name was he thinking anyway?

Even if he could celebrate his on-point prediction on how much of an ass the spawn of Satan was, he couldn’t exactly bring himself to mock you with an angry ‘’I told you so!” Not when it meant that your damn ex-boyfriend cheated on you, covering it up by saying that he wasn’t actually gay. Not when it meant that you had been used. Not when it meant that you, his idiot, were hurt. His idiot was hurt.

“You’re being a martyr again, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa tutted through the phone, tactlessly commenting once the brunette finished relaying what was going on.

The male snorted, “What are you on, this time, Shittykawa?”

“Don’t turn this on me, you idiot.”

How the hell was Iwaizumi the idiot? No. He’s lived with idiots his entire life but he wasn’t one. If anything, both of his friends were the idiots. Not him.

“Selflessly complying with dear (N/N)’s outrageous request, regardless of how much it hurts you. Tsk, Iwaizumi Hajime. You’re one big idiot,” Oikawa sighed.

Iwaizumi scoffs at his friend’s claim, “Why the hell will helping him out hurt me? Shittykawa, did you leave your single brain cell in Miyagi?” The brunette growls, annoyed at the way Oikawa avoided giving him the straight answer.

“Iwa-chan,” Iwaizumi’s breath hitches as he hears the next words, “you’re in love with (N/N), aren’t you?”

Iwaizumi Hajime was, in fact, an idiot.

He was an idiot for realizing it much later than wanted; for allowing Shittykawa, of all people, to know this one fact before him; and for opening an avenue for bigger wounds because all he wanted was to help his best friend. He probably had to be the biggest idiot among the three— and that’s saying a lot… like more than a lot.

The soon-to-be trainer could hear his pro best friend sigh in response to his stunned silence. Iwa concludes that it was weird to be on the receiving end of a tired sigh but he doesn’t utter a word. Not even after Oikawa begins to speak again. “I can’t even bring myself to tease you tonight… or today… or whatever time it is there, Iwa-chan. What will you do now?”

Iwaizumi wasn’t the type to let himself get involved in petty things like this nor does he let himself go against judgement. That is, if you weren't in the question. The brunette was very sure that you were his contradiction— unknowingly forcing him to go against all the boundaries Iwa had set and done. You, also a trainer in the making, could easily be the death of Iwaizumi Hajime. But if it’s you, then he’d gladly embrace this death.

“I’m going.”

Those two words were a lot harder to say than the tired male liked to admit. So as he ends the dreadful phone call with Oikawa, he secretly hopes that next week will never come.

Even if Iwaizumi tried his hardest to deny, next week actually came. Not that it was a surprise. No one could stop the turning of time, the rotation of the Earth, nor the ticking of the clock. How the hell would he even stop next week from coming? Heck, Iwaizumi couldn’t even stop you from this stupid revenge quest that you had set.

Pretend to be his boyfriend, you said. It would be easy to do anyway, you said. We’ll be in and out in a jiffy, you said.

To hell with all the lies that you had promised. It was beyond Iwaizumi’s skills and strength to pretend to be someone you romantically loved when he actually wanted it to be true. The Aoba Johsai Iwaizumi would’ve dipped; Iwaizumi from last year would’ve never pushed through. But here he is, standing in front of the mirror in your shared dorm, preparing to do what he deemed an impossible feat.

You will always be Iwaizumi Hajime’s contradiction. And at this point, he isn’t sure whether it was a good or a bad thing. All Iwa knows is that this will soon end and like the way next week came, tomorrow will soon be today.

So all Iwaizumi could do is psych himself up to do impossible— the same way he had convinced himself he was an ace in volleyball or the same way he gave himself assurance with his college application— and push through with the plan.

I can do this. I’m Iwaizumi Hajime, former volleyball ace and soon, an athletic trainer. I’ve dealt with Shittykawa all my life. I was able to get into a college in California by myself. This should be easy. I can do this.

“Should I wear this, ‘zumi?” You call out from the bathroom, holding two slightly different tops for Iwa to see. The way the brunette spluttered at the sight of a half-naked you was embarrassing to say the least, but Iwaizumi was thankful that you had been too engrossed to even notice the reddening of his ears. ‘God damn it, Hajime. Half-naked Y/N isn’t new,’ he chastised himself mentally as he coughs. “Use the darker one,” was Iwaizumi’s curt reply.

I can do this.

You should not have lit up at his answer like that. The sight gave Iwaizumi more joy than he liked to admit. Nothing could ever top what you said next though.

I c-can do this...

“Oh! This one matches yours too! We look good together, huh?”

I cannot do this.

“Idiot,” Iwaizumi sighs to mask his flustered state, “just shut up and wear it already.” You only laugh in response, already used to Iwaizumi’s brash way of dealing with things. “Alright, puddin’. Just wait. You can’t rush art,” You reply sarcastically, using the other nickname that Iwa had begun to dread.

Iwa resorts to the comfort of his phone— or rather, he uses the phone to conceal the undying pink on his cheeks so you wouldn’t see. Maybe if he spared a minute before he did so, he would’ve seen that you were equally flustered; seemingly embarrassed to have said what you had in their conversation. But it is what it is, and Iwaizumi has to continue his emotional constipation without ever knowing that had ever happened.

You take Iwa’s hand in yours before you lead Iwa out of your dorm and to wherever the god forsaken party was. “What’s with the skinship?” Iwa asks, though the way he adjusts the grip so it would be comfortable didn’t go unnoticed. Maybe he had started to like the prospect of this whole fake dating fiasco because it let him taste of what could’ve been instead of just wondering how it felt.

“Nothing you’re not used to, puddin’. And uh… uh… this way we could look like an actual couple,” You stammer and avoid eye contact, your hand still in Iwa’s warmth though.

If Iwaizumi hadn’t been too distracted, too haunted by the reminder that this was just pretend, then he would’ve noticed that you had seemed unsure, seemed too engrossed in the feeling of your hands together that you weren’t able to make a great excuse. He once again resigns to what has been destined. “The Y/N L/N I know doesn’t do things half-assed,” Iwa claims as he drops their hands, “By that logic this should be okay right? So people would really think we’re together.”

‘It isn’t okay,’ You croak internally. Iwa decided to go against all things normal by doing this… this very compromising position that ensured the two of you looked like nothing else but a couple. Iwa decided, despite not knowing how much damage it would bring to your poor heart, to wrap an arm around your waist.

Unknown to the soon-to-be trainer, you were just as, if not more, smitten with him as Iwa was with you. You almost revealed the reason behind your bad break-up and even let Iwa see that he had this much of an effect on you. So this, to see Iwa be so into the role of his pretend boyfriend, both flustered and somehow hurt you.

You didn’t know why it hurt though.

“You okay there, dumbass? ” Iwa asks, getting too close to your face and being far too concerned than your heart could’ve handled.

Everything about this was confusing. Both of your minds were having their own storms as the both of you stumbled upon this new, confusing field in between friendship and romance. Closeness with Iwa wasn’t new to you at all. Him lightly calling you dumb wasn’t new at all. So why, in God’s name, did your ribcage feel like breaking apart from the very loud beating of your heart?

If Iwa had to ask himself the same question he asked you, he would’ve gotten a big ‘NO’ from himself. Initiating skinship to this extent made Iwa’s brain malfunction. Not only that, but the feeling of your waist was very much heavenly and mind-boggling. To put a cherry on top of the sundae called “Iwaizumi Hajime’s gay panicking,” the speechless and cute expression you had was too much for his heart.

Turns out that you would answer the same as Iwa, not that the brunette knew though.

This plan of yours started on the right course. Your dick of an ex did cheat on you and you wanted to make him regret ever even thinking of using you as a scapegoat from his problems. It was common sense to ask for the aid of your best friend, right? He, of all people, would know you and understand you best. So when did your fake dating extravaganza take its turn? At what point did this plan converge into something different?

In other words, did you still want to make your ex jealous? Or did you want to see how it would feel to date your best friend?

Time did not let you answer the many questions that formed in your pretty head. Before either of you knew it, you’ve arrived at the party.

You turn to look at Iwa, who was somehow already gazing at you with that intense fire in his eyes, and nod.

It’s showtime.

—reblogging helps a lot !! thank you for reading !!

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

Five times the Marauders came out to Mcgonogall and the one time she had to drag it out of them and the one time she had to tell them to...

TRIGGER WARNING: Internalized Homophobia

ONE: Sirius - (Asexual) Gay

Sirius storms into Mcgonogall’s office in third year, bruises on his body and fire in his eyes. He plunks himself down across from her and declares, “I’m gay, I hate sex, and I want to spend the rest of my life in love with Remus John Lupin.”

Mcgonogall, who had been reading up to this point, slowly closes her book as she raises her eyebrow.

“Is that so?” She asks, and Sirius nods once, sharply.

“I love him,” he says. “And he loves me. And I’m gonna marry him.”

Mcgonogall hums, opening her book back up and leaning back in her chair.

“Werewolves can’t get married, Mr. Potter,” she says, and Sirius glares.

“I will marry him,” he says, and Mcgonogall sighs.

“There is no doubt in my mind you will, Mr. Potter,” she drawls. “I merely mean you may have to do so illegally. However, if your recent trips to the school library regarding only books on the process of becoming an Animagus are anything to go by, I daresay that will not be much of an obstacle for you.”

Sirius shrugs, dropping his chin down onto his arms. “Guess not. Whatcha readin’?”

Mcgonogall sighs.

TWO: Severus - Asexual (Queer)

Severus starts hanging out in Mcgonogall’s office in most of his free time. She knows him well enough by now, it being fifth year and all, but she worries about his severe lack of friends. Barring Lily, he doesn’t hang out with anyone.

He’s draped across her desk on his back, legs and head hanging over either side and holding up a book as he reads, when she asks him how he’s doing. He shrugs.

“Fine.”

She digs a bit deeper - “I notice you only seem to spend time with Miss Evans. Aren’t you lonely?” Severus shrugs again.

“She’s the love of my life. I’m good.”

Mcgonogall sighs. She doesn’t ask any more questions, but after a few moments have passed, Severus speaks up.

“I really am fine, Professor,” he says, sending her a small smile. “I’m best friends with the girl of my dreams, I know the fact that I’m ace as fuck and queer isn’t gonna change that, and I know who I am. I’m fantastic.”

Mcgonogall rakes her eyes over his body, taking in his loose posture and defiant eyes and the skirt he wears nearly every day, and she shrugs.

“If you’re sure,” she says, and Severus lets out a small laugh.

“I’m sure,” he says softly. “It’s just one of those things, you know? A fact of life. James Potter is a prat, Sirius Potter and Remus Lupin are in love, and Severus Snape is fine.”

He trails off. “Just fine.”

Mcgonogall smiles at him. Severus grins back.

“Being normal is boring,” he quips, and it’s that moment that Mcgonogall starts to question his feud with the Marauders, because honestly they could all be incredible friends if they just got past their stubborn pride.

THREE: Peter - Bisexual

In fifth year he develops a huge crush on the new transfer student Maxwell Needles, who came from Beauxbatons and is now a Hufflepuff at Hogwarts. They TA at the library and Peter loves them, and, naturally, panics to Mcgonogall one day about it.

He’s sitting there, bouncing in a chair and fidgeting, when she blurts, “Just ask them out.”

Peter’s head snaps up, his wide shocked eyes fixing on her.

“What?” He whispers, and Mcgonogall sighs, shaking her head.

“Ask them out. Everything you’ve told me says you’ve got a solid chance.”

Peter flushes bright red, looking down at his hands and shaking his head.

“No, no. I… they’re so cool, Professor. They have magenta hair and they wear leather and spikes all the time and they just… they’re loud and rebellious and so, so out of my league.”

(In her head, Mcgonogall facepalms.)

“Oh please,” Mcgonogall says, waving her hand in dismissal. “You’re a Marauder. Besides, leagues are nonexistent. But if you really feel so badly, here’s the test they took last week.”

She hands him a paper, with Max’s name signed at the top. There are hearts doodled all over it with the initials P + M and the name Pettigrew-Needles? Needles-Pettigrew? Maxwell Pettigrew? Peter Needles? written all over it. Peter pinkens, but smiles, and hands it back to her, shaking just a bit less.

“Thank you, Professor,” he mumbles, a grin slowly taking over his face, and Mcgonogall waves his words away.

“Nonsense,” she says, smiling. “Anything to help my favorite bisexual rat.”

Peter groans. Mcgonogall grins.

“Now go. Ask them out.”

Peter blushes, but nods.

“Yes, Professor,” he mumbles, and skitters off as she looks down triumphantly at the test, scrawling quickly next to the O on it, Congratulations on your new Marauder boyfriend. Come to me for therapy when you need it :)

(Max beams brighter than the sun when Mcgonogall passes it back.)

FOUR: Lily - (Polyamorous) Trans FTM

Lily is completing some Prefect duties (read: paperwork) in Mcgonogall’s office in sixth year when she suddenly heaves roughly and stands up, shoving her way out of the room. Mcgonogall follows her, concerned, and finds her emerging from one of the uniform closets in pants.

She raises her eyebrow at the sight, to which Lily sighs and waves her hand.

“Do you have scissors and a big sweater I could borrow? Oh, and some paint?”

Mcgonogall purses her lips, but finds Lily the things she needs. Lily shrugs the sweater over her shoulders, drags her pink, blue, and white fingers all down her cheeks, and lifts the scissors to her hair. Mcgonogall’s mouth forms a perfect ‘o’ as she steps forward with an outstretched hand, her eyes wide as she watches Lily shear off nearly all her hair.

“Miss Evans,” she hisses, snatching the scissors back. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Lily glares at her, running her fingers through her newly shorn hair and tugging down the hem of her sweater.

“Making myself Mr. Evans,” he spits, and stomps out of the room with his hands clenched into fists by his sides.

(Mcgonogall gifts him the scissors the next day, with the nonchalant explanation, “For whenever you need to cut your hair again, of course. Mr. Evans.”

Lily beams.)

FIVE: Remus - (Asexual) Panromantic

Mcgonogall has never met anyone who hates themself as fiercely as Remus Lupin does.

In sixth year, he starts to shrink further and further into himself, even distancing himself from Sirius. And then, one day, he slams his way into Mcgonogall’s classroom three hours after curfew and collapses into the chair in front of her desk, waiting for her to join him from her rooms.

“Mr. Lupin?” She asks. “What ever could possess you to -”

He thrusts his hand out, showing her a silver ring engraved with a black pawprint. Her mouth shuts like a vice. They sit there for a few moments in complete and utter silence until finally Remus mutters, “He wants to marry me.”

Mcgonogall purses her lips.

“I can see that,” she says, knotting her fingers together in front of her. Remus stares down at his hands in shock.

“He wants to marry me,” he says again, in marvel. “I’ve been pulling away from him because I’m a sexless werewolf who will end up whoring himself out on the streets after graduation because no person would ever reasonably hire me and I’ll probably off myself before I’m thirty and I’ve been pushing him away for three weeks trying to prepare myself for when he inevitably breaks my heart and instead he wants to marry me.”

Mcgonogall is readying to break down the mountains of bullshit that just sprang from her favorite student’s mouth when Remus looks up at her through teary eyes and whispers, “How do I take it back?”

Mcgonogall raises her eyebrow.

“Now why would you do that?” She asks, choosing her words carefully. “You were born to stand by Sirius Potter’s side, there was never any doubt in that at all.”

Remus shrugs.

“He deserves better than a piece of shit like me,” he mumbles. “My life has been a death sentence since I was five. I don’t want to drag him down with me.”

Mcgonogall feels her heart break in her chest. She doesn’t show it.

“Mr. Lupin,” she says, quietly. “I am quite certain he intends to lift you up. But if I may speak frankly, my dear - and I will whether you like it or not - that boy loves you more than I thought it was possible to love another human being. And Sirius Potter may be many things, but he is not an idiot - I am quite certain that he knew what being with you would entail long before he ever acted on his feelings for you, and I do believe that if you are truly to live such a life, not a day will go by he is not by your side living the same.”

Remus flushes. He fiddles with his ring, then shrugs.

“Thanks, I guess,” he mumbles, and stands to leave, never looking back at her. Mcgonogall simply nods.

“Oh, and Mr. Lupin?” She calls as he slips through the door. He freezes. She smiles.

“While your heart has the capacity to love all others, I’m not sure it will ever recognize a face other than Sirius Potter Lupin’s.”

As Remus flees, she catches just the last glimpse of his neck above his robes - scarred as ever, and flaming red.

ONE: Regulus - (Nonbinary Male) (Asexual) Queer

Mcgonogall comes back after rounds one night in seventh year (his sixth) to find Regulus Black asleep at one of the desks in her classroom. She shakes him awake, bending down to ask if he’s okay, and Regulus breaks into tears, burying his face in his hands.

“I’m queer,” he warbles. “I’m a piece of gay shit just like my brother and I don’t know what to do.”

Mcgonogall places a gentle hand on his back.

“That’s okay, Regulus,” she says, but he only shakes his head more violently.

“It’s not okay,” he rasps. “It’s not okay. I can’t be like that, Sirius is like that and look what happened to him -”

Mcgonogall opens her mouth to answer but Regulus just keeps babbling, trying to tear himself away.

“I can’t. I can’t. I can’t I can’t I can’t. You don’t understand, Miss, I can’t -”

“Regulus Lupin,” Mcgonogall snaps, grasping his wrists. He freezes, going pliant in her hands at the name, and she stares deep into his eyes as she speaks.

“You are queer, and that is okay. Your brother is a kind, wonderful person who loves you more than life itself and is already making plans with his fiance to take you in once he’s of age. I may not understand everything, but I understand enough to know you can love whoever you want to.”

Regulus calms. He deflates, turning to putty in her hands, and she gathers him close, hugging him until Sirius, Remus, and James come looking for him.

ONE: James - (Polyamorous) Bisexual

While James Potter may be one of Mcgonogall’s favorite students, he is also the one she most often wants to murder.

In the last week of seventh year, he gets up on the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall during breakfast and shouts, “I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!”

Naturally, everyone looks up at him, including Mcgonogall, whose hand is already on her wand. James pulls Severus and Lily up on the table with him, snogs Lily filthily and dips Severus into a kiss as Lily laughs, and then straightens back up and screams, “I’M SO FUCKING BISEXUAL!”

Sirius, obviously, decides the best course of action is to then scream, “I THOUGHT YOU WERE FUCKING EVANS!”

James turns bright red, Severus starts sputtering, Lily guffaws loudly and Mcgonogall gives all of them detention for the rest of their lives, though she has a particularly hard time getting James off the table:

“Get off the table please, you can’t be up there - DiD yOU jUSt cALL mE HOmoPhoBIC JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER COME BACK HERE SO I CAN FUCKING STRANGLE YOU -”

(Ah, Dumbledore thinks. Good times.)

[forthehpfanboys]

Nifflers Don't Help

Pair: Remus Lupin x Reader; he/him.

Summary: Remus and (Y/n) have been pining after each other for far too long, but what happens when Lupin finds out through a very specific glasses wearing student that the professor who handles magical creatures likes him back?

Warnings: Suggestive, Lupins Sass, your sass. Remus is probably out of character, Swearing. I swear a lot-

Notes: Requested! I hope this is OK! I kinda ran with the idea of the reader being a teacher at Hogwarts. Hope you like it! Sorry it took so long.

~DO NOT REPOST ANYWHERE~

-

Being the Care For Magical Creatures teacher at Hogwarts was absolutely the best job you've had in such a long time, like galloping hippogriffs, it was everything you loved! Magical creatures! Teaching! Teaching about how to care and handle said magical creatures! It was literally your dream come true.

It was even better because you got to meet Remus Lupin, a very kind man who worked as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Now you'd gotten to know him very well over the past year for obvious reasons. 

And yes, you knew of his.. I wanna say a little but it obviously isn't, problem. Lupin hadn’t necessarily told you, you found out by coming to Hagrid's hut to look over some of the creatures he had while he was doing some secret Dumbledore business and found him cowering in the corner, full werewolf. 

Of course you slammed the door and made a mad scramble toward the castle like a hippogriff after a ferret. Luckily, you did manage to escape his claws and hide away in the castle. But when he found out what happened, he felt so much guilt he came to find you immediately. 

You ended up telling him the full story of what happened the night before, and it took him about 30 minutes to stop apologizing profusely. He'd simply forgotten to take his potion again and didn't mean to cause you any harm. 

You forgave him. How could you not? He was quite literally begging for you to and you did fancy him. In the end, you really couldn't say no and everyone knows werewolves could kill their best friend if they had the chance. It wasn't his fault, really. 

You shook your head away from the memories and smiled across the field at your class. "Alright everyone! That's all I got for today!" you smiled wider when the kids let out a groan of dismay. "Oh, I know! We always have tomorrow, now say goodbye to Goldie!" you held the squirming brownish yellow colored niffler in your hand as all the kids grabbed their books, waved to the tiny adorable mass of furr and said goodbye. 

You couldn't help but keep smiling once everyone left. Today's lesson had ended successfully, as per the usual. Every student loved you!

You were extra kind to students who had fears of certain creatures (Ron) and understanding to students who couldn't always finish the homework because of helping others (Neville) and didn't even put up with one very specific blonde who was lowkey a twat (I don't even have to put his name in for you to know who I'm talking about). 

You paced over to the table you placed outside before class and opened the small case laying on top, checking the inside of it while you held the wiggly creature to your chest.

The case was similar to Scamander's in the sense that the inside was bigger, but not by much. This one case was supposed to store the niffler and the niffler only, so it only had to be so big. The case on the inside had a water bowl, a nice soft makeshift bed for the baby and a few gems and coins all for comfort. 

You placed the little sweetheart into the case and shut it gently, locking it closed. You hummed gently, not hearing the person approaching you from behind. 

"You handle them so well." 

Your cry of shock echoed in the woods around you and you could've sworn your body jumped up at least 6 feet in the air. You basically got whiplash from how fast you turned around, looking at the man standing behind you. 

"The creatures, I mean." Lupin was leaning against one of the trees, a smile on his face as he nodded toward the creature. 

You couldn't help but giggle a little bit and shift your suit tie out of nervous habit. "Oh! Yeah, well, it's kinda needed for the job." you stumbled over your words a little bit, rubbing the back of your neck and avoiding his piercing eyes.

It was obvious to your class, it was obvious to the other professors, just about the entire castle knew about your 'tiny' crush on the professor. 

Everyone knew. 

Literally everyone. Harry, Dumbledore, even Snape. SNAPE KNEW!

But guess who didn't? 

Remus Lupin, the gentleman you'd fallen head over heels from the minute you stepped into the dinning hall. 

If looks could kill, you'd be more than 6 feet under, that's for sure. He was so handsome and kind and his eyes- Godric, his eyes. 

Why would he figure it out, anyway? It isn't like he's a very smart man who literally teaches children how to protect themselves against the darkest of evils known in the wizarding world. 

"Well, yeah, but you have talent. I could tell from when you walked into the dinning hall." Remus stepped forward, causing you to snap out of your thoughts. "Keen eye." he tapped his temple, a side smile on his face. 

"Uhhuh." you nodded your head, taking your own step forward, leaving the bag on the counter. "Sure. Very keen eye." you crossed your arms over your vest covered chest. 

"It's true! I'm very observant-" this caused you to snort. "What?" 

"Yeah, ok!" 

"What? Are you hiding something from me (L/n)?" he stepped closer, his chest almost touching yours. "Should I be concerned?" his smile turned into a lopsided smirk, causing butterflies to make themselves known in your stomach. 

"Oh, no, of course not, Mr. Lupin." you shot him an innocent smile and stood on your tippy toes, only to pop back down onto your heals. "If you haven't noticed it by now, I fear you may never." with that, you turned around and all but strutted to your way to the table, making sure to sway your hips just enough to tease. 

Remus' eyes fought to look away, but in the end his eyes were glued on your bum. The thin man felt his jaw drop to the floor. It was no lie that the professor had a crush on you and, like everything else, the whole damn castle knew.

 Everyone supported you two and it physically pained them to see you act so oblivious to each other and do nothing but flirt, but you were sure it was just playful banter! It had to be. 

"Well, maybe I need some hints to figure it out." he stuffed his hands in his pockets and followed you to the table, his eyes following your hands as you picked up the case gently.

"I don't think you need hints, I think you need glasses." you turned to him, shaking your head back and forth, tsking at him. "You're keen eyes might be fading." 

Wizard Gods did he love you. He missed being able to banter with James and Lily and this made him feel like.. Well.. Like new. He couldn't help but smile wider and lean against the table, his confidence coming back in a full stride. 

"Ouch! Are you calling me old?" 

"We both know the answer to that." 

"Damn, ok. My pride." He snickered. "But what is the great and adorably luring Mr. (Y/n) (L/n) hiding from me, hmm?" he leaned forward. 

His words caused you to blush and rub the back of your neck. 

"Well, I-I want you to figure it out!" You adjusted the bag, the handle growing uncomfortable as your palms began to sweat. 

"Ooh~ Really? Like a," he paused, scratching his chin with a free hand, "like a game?" he stepped toward you again mindlessly, his hands clasping behind his back. 

You looked at his face and had to do a double take. Were his eyes always that dark? With every step he took, you subconsciously took one back. 

"I-I guess you could say that."

"Interesting. If I get it right, do I get a reward?" 

Before you knew it, your back hit the wood of a tree and his body all but trapped you in place. All of this was causing you to feel dizzy in the best possible way. 

"Su-" you cleared your throat, ignoring the way it cracked and was higher in pitch, "Sure!" 

"Is it an emotional connection?" 

You set the case down haphazardly, almost dropping it. The question only made your palms sweater. "Are you allowed to be asking questions? Besides, shouldn't you know it?" you asked as you wiped your hands on your work pants.

"Maybe I'm asking to see if I'm right before I jump headfirst and embarrass myself." he chuckled lightly, his hands coming up to trap your head between them and all but pin you to the rough bark. 

"Oh.. Well, I.. Yeah, it's emotional." you don't remember losing the ability to talk with authority, but your voice was barely a whisper by the time it came out.

"Aaahh, ok. Here, let me see if I nailed this on the head, shall we?" he paused and moved his wand hand to rest against your hip, causing you to jump ever so slightly. "I think that you," he spoke as his thumb rubbed against the bone of your hip, "fancy me and that you have since you started teaching here." 

You stayed completely still against the tree. You didn't blink, breath, nothing just stared at the man against you as your heart pounded in your ears. 

"What?" 

"Am I wrong? And don't lie, that would be cheating." Lupin leaned in closer, causing your cheeks to erupt a deeper red.

Let's be honest, he didn't figure it out by himself. Harry, bless the little termite, had been kind of joking with the teacher when the confession slipped free. The poor kid was basically stalked by the teacher who kept asking questions for a week before Hermione finally snapped, saying he should go ask the creature handler himself instead of waiting their study time. 

While Remus was fighting the memories and waiting for your response, you were having an inner war with yourself. For example, you were trying to figure out how in good ol' Godric mother fucking Gryffindor he figured it out! You snapped out of it when his other hand came up to cup your cheek. 

"I-I-" 

Lupin smiled wider at your stutter and blush and everything. Harry had been right, bless his soul. That kid was gonna ace his class for this alone. He shook his head, teasing about your shy state and let out a sigh. "Am I wrong?" he asked, figuring it was easier for you to say yes or no to that than say you loved him out in the open. 

Once you arranged the courage, you shook your head no as your eyes darted between his eyes and lips. He pushed himself impossibly closer to you, his head leaning down so he could press a kiss to your lips. 

Holy Merlin. Moony wanted to stay like that forever. His hand on your cheek slid  to the back of your neck to keep you there, managing to deepen the kiss even more. 

Your brain actually shut off. 

It took some time for it to reboot, but when it did, oh boy, did you kiss back. You poured all of your emotion and love and passion into it, causing the man to let out a groan. 

When he pulled back, his forehead rested against your shoulder. He didn't want you to see the blush on his face or the huge grin spreading across his lips. 

"Should'a done that ages ago." He whispered against your neck, then pressed his lips against the skin resting at the base of your neck. The action caused you to shiver and wrap your arms around his neck. 

"Wait, you like me too?" 

Lupin pulled back to stare into your eyes, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he just kinda.. He just kinda stared at you. 

"Really?" 

"What?" 

"I kissed you and you're worried if I like you back?" 

"W-well, yeah. I'd hate to get the wrong signals." 

Remus ran a hand through his hair in frustration. How were you so innocent? Literally how? He kissed you and you can't tell he likes you back? How did you not know?

"Lupin?" Your voice cut him out of the inner dialog. "Are you ok?" 

"Yeah, just bloody curious on how you could be getting the wrong signals when I kissed you." 

"Well I don't wanna assu-" he cut you off by grabbing your shoulders and slamming a kiss against your lips, causing you to actually squeak against his. Your eyes fell shut as your hands absent-mindedly pulled bark off the tree as you kissed back. A whine fell from your lips when he pulled away to speak. 

"(Y/n), you are oblivious and so smart and so attractive that you managed to make me fall for you everyday and you don't even know. That should be a crime. How are you so perfect but you can't see it?" 

You opened your eyes to see him looking at you, holding all of his love for you in his eyes. You quickly broke out in a grin. His words were like the last piece of a puzzle and it fit so perfectly. You let out a laugh and shook your head. 

"I know now, don't I? And besides, you can't talk. I've been sending you signals since I came here and you haven't noticed either." 

"Did you now?" Remus teased, gently reaching up to fix your (tie/glasses). His hand then came back up to your warm cheek. "Then how come the first time I kissed you you didn't catch on? Were you trying to tease another kiss out of me?" 

"Nope! Just watched to make sure I was reading it right." you stuck your tongue out at him like a child, causing him to let out a breathy chuckle. 

"I literally did a romantic thing to show I romantically like you and you're asking if you were reading it right!" 

"Well, yeah! Assuming is a big no-no, Moony." 

"Unbelievable, Fluffy!" he laughed, tossing his head back. You stared at his face in confusion, your cheeks burning a little bit brighter at his laugh. 

"Fluffy? What kind of nickname is that?" 

"Well, you care for creatures and your hair is soft. It fits." 

"Isn't that the name Hangrid gave that dog?" 

"What dog?" 

"Never mind! Besides, It isn't unbelievable! People do weird things all the time!" 

Remus' wiggled his eyebrows at you, loving the way you blushed and stuttered. This only gave him more material to tease you over.

"Is a kiss weird to you?" 

"No b-" 

"So you should've known. How are you so smart but so dumb?" 

"Good question! Let me ask you, Moony! How do you manage to be so hot but so cool?" 

"But that didn't answer my question!" Lupin let out a laugh, his shoulders bouncing. He shook his head and leaned back into your neck, trailing butterfly soft kisses across the skin. "I'm fact, you just dodged it completely." 

"I-I don't have to answer anything." your Adam's apple bounced as you swallowed thickly. 

His hands went from your hips to the back of your thighs and suddenly he was picking you up, your back still hard against the tree. 

"I think you should do everything I tell you." his voice was deep in your ear, causing you to let out a whine.

"Oh, but I won't." You were trying to act like your face wasn't bright red and blood wasn't rushing south. Stupid werewolf strength and stupid hot man and ug H-

"I might have to do something about this disobedience, then, hmm?" 

Tossing your head back against the tree, you bit your lip to hide back a groan as his teeth gently niped along your Adam's apple. You tilted your head back and let out a sigh as he sucked on the skin. Your  eyes slowly opened and grew wider at the sight above you. 

"Goldie?!" Your mouth hung open as the golden shit looked down at you and tried to scurry up higher, Lupins pocket watch chain hanging from it's pouch. 

"Never called me that one, love. I don't get the reference. You might have to explain it for me." Lupin laughed against your skin, causing goosebumps to spread across it. 

"What? No, Lupin, the niffler!" 

"Shouldn't it should be in the-"

"She's in the tree!" 

"What?" he pulled away from your neck and looked up. "Oh.. You're gonna have to grab him, aren't you?" 

"Her, and yes." 

"And I'm gonna help?" 

"Yup." 

"Which means we can't snog anymore, right?" he shot you a smirk, trying to be playful while you were losing your mind. 

"Remus! She has your watch!" Your voice held bite, which he'd never heard before. It was hot. He found himself licking his lips, wanting to just grind into you, but the smack to his chest pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Ok! I got the hint!" 

The grown man whined and set you back down, giving you a look of disappointment mixed with child grumpiness. He watched your ass as you rolled up your sleeves and climbed up the tree with little struggle. 

"... Did we just get cock-blocked by a niffler?" 

"Don't use that language in front of the baby, Lupin! She's just a young thing!" 

"First of all, she can't understand us." he looked up at you, admiring your legs. "And second, If it's our baby, someone has some explaining to do." 

"Lupin, just climb the damn tree and grab the baby." you plucked a pine cone off a branch and hurled it at the brunettes head with accuracy that scared him. 

"Ouch! Alright! Alright. Jeez, I didn't know you could be so pushy." He took off his suit jacket and laid it across one of the lower branches before rolling up his sleeves and following you up the tree. 

"Yuck." 

"What now?" 

"I touched sap. It's gross." 

"I'll push you right off that branch if you don't take this seriously! Grab him-!"

"Her, (L/n.)" 

"Do no-. Don't. Don't even do that." 

"Love you too, (L/n)." 

[jisungsmochi]

rest your love - lee haechan

don’t worry!! i didn’t forget about this series hehe,, i personally really liked this one!! i’m probably going to try and write more often!

anyways pls enjoy,, i’ll link my masterlist for the other parts of this series (nct dream as ‘the vamps’ songs)

word count: 2.2k 

summary: “when the world gets loud, baby you can rest your love on me”

haechan never understood why people liked to be chased. he thought that all he needed to do was ask someone out and boom, a beautiful relationship. until he befriends you, and learns that sometimes people just need a shoulder to lean on, before they can rest their love on someone.

//

I see you move, so I do understand

Why you get attention?

I hear you talk, but I don't comprehend

Why I get no mention?

“it’s physically impossible to dislike me, i’m just a catch” haechan brags while walking to his first college class, his friends, renjun and jaemin trailing behind him.

“just because everyone liked you in high school, doesn’t mean people will in college. it’s a completely different ball game” renjun rolled his eyes at how overly optimistic and delusional his friend was being.

“ah let him live, he’ll find out soon enough” jaemin chuckles softly as he and renjun wave to haechan,  scurrying off to their own lectures.

haechan shrugs, not taking in any of his friends words. he stumbled into the classroom, scanning for an empty seat. he quickly made his way to a spare desk, pulling out all his materials. just as the tutor walked into the room, his eyes met those of, who he believed, was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. you flaunted your way to the last empty seat, which happened to be next to the awfully cheery boy, smiling at you.

you weren’t having the best day, immediately regretting your choice of a desk mate. as soon as you sat down, haechan was a blabbering mess. he shot questions left and right at you, despite the fact you barely responded to any of them. you just assumed he wanted to make friends fast, or he was just a chatterbox. “so how are you doing on this fine day?” he mutters to you, but received a stern glare in response. you tilted your head to the front of the room, zoning in on your tutor. haechan would lie if he said he didn’t feel slightly deflated. usually he had no problem making conversation with strangers. but you were so cold, so uninterested, it really hurt his ego. maybe renjun was right, not everyone would like him. but haechan was an unbelievably stubborn optimist. he was going to befriend you, no matter how long it took.

//

And you know, you know where to find me

Yeah, you know where to go when you're looking for love

And you know, you know where I'm hiding

Yeah, you know

it had been over three weeks since haechan first met you and you still wouldn’t budge. you only spoke to him during group tasks, other than that you continued to ignore his advances. haechan got the message loud and clear that you weren’t going to pay him attention. it took a toll on his own self confidence, until renjun gave him a stern talking to,

“god don’t let her get to your head, dude!! she’s awful for not wanting to be friends with you”

haechan pouted, “but she’s so pretty, i can’t just ignore her”

at that moment, he received a notification on his phone.

y/n: is this haechan? i think you took my notes by accident

his eyes widened, how did you even get his facebook account?

he scrambled around his room, looking into his backpack and surely enough, there were your notes, prettily written up.

haechan: hello! i do have your notes, i can meet you somewhere to hand it back? maybe the cafe? we can get something to eat!

renjun was now peering over haechan’s shoulder, too invested in this interaction.

y/n: no it’s fine, just give it to me next class, thanks

after reading your message, renjun bursted out laughing.

“dude that’s brutal, she’s something else” haechan fiddled with his phone, glaring at the other boy. he clicked on your profile, sending you a friend request as he scrolled through your posts. he saw that your friends had wished you a happy birthday, almost a year ago. he then realised it was in a few days...

“i have the perfect plan to get her to notice me” haechan smirks, renjun rolling his eyes,

“you’re ridiculous”

//

it was a friday afternoon, when haechan stumbled into class. you looked over at him, expecting some type of greeting, but you didn’t hear a peep from the boy.

strange, you thought to yourself.

as you were preparing for the lesson, haechan pulled something out of his bag. you looked over, noticing a small pink box now placed on your side of the table. you raised your eyebrow at him, in which he whispered,

“happy birthday, y/n”

your face froze. how did he know it was your birthday?

you looked back at the small box, slowly moving your hands to open it. to your surprise, there was a red velvet cupcake, decorated with a ton of rainbow sprinkles. there was a tiny picket that said:

“happy birthday, cutie!”

you couldn’t hide your smile, which only made haechan swoon even more. you weren’t the type to make a big deal out of your birthday, but this gesture from haechan truly made your day. you bit your lip softly, eyes meeting his.

“t-thankyou, haechan. i really appreciate this” you smiled at him softly, not caring that you were now on speaking terms with him.

“anything for you, y/n” he cheerfully responded, turning his attention to the front of the room.

maybe lee haechan was worth letting in...

//

the days following, haechan would spam you with random texts throughout the day. initially you would have been annoyed, but after his generous birthday gift, you started to enjoy his company. although you wouldn’t say it to his face, you silently appreciated him.

“how is my beautiful, y/n doing?” he smirked as he walked with you after class. he’d always compliment you, each time making you gush inside.

“i’m alright, have a ton of homework to do though” you sigh, thinking back to the stack of work you had on your desk.

“oh poor thing! do you want to copy my work? i have it here right now i ca-“

“no, haechan, it’s okay. if i need help, i’ll just...call you or something” you paused, looking over at the boy whose eyes just lit up like a christmas tree.

“of course you can call me! call me anytime you want!” he exclaimed. you shake your head softly at him as you both continued walking.

once haechan met up with renjun and jaemin again, he couldn’t stop gushing about you.

“...and then she said i could call her! well she said she’d call me, but same thing” he explained your interaction to his two friends as they were eating at a local diner.

“so romantic” renjun sarcastically comments, causing jaemin to elbow him slightly.

“i think it’s a good step! i mean atleast she’s talking to you now” jaemin chimed in, feeding into his friend’s cheerful nature.

“yeah! i have a lot of hope for us” haechan smiles to himself, in which jaemin and renjun looked over at eachother before rolling their eyes.

you did end up calling haechan that night, as you were stuck on the very last question of the homework.

“y/n, it’s hard to explain, let me just send you my answer” haechan insisted,

“no, i feel guilty” you sigh, placing down your pen.

“it’s really okay, i want to help you” you bit your lip, eventually giving in.

“okay fine, but i’ll owe you something in return” you agree, hoping whatever he wanted wouldn’t be too bad.

“hmmm how about going to the movies with me this weekend? i know you wanted to see the new zombie one that just came out” he suggested. although you were shocked he was practically asking you on a date, were more shocked he remembered you talking about this movie.

“do you really think that is proportionate to what you’re doing for me?” you roll your eyes playfully, finding his advances quite endearing.

“yep!! take it or leave it” you hesitated for a moment, what’s the worst that could happen?

“okay fine, you have yourself a deal” you replied. haechan quickly put himself on mute (or so he thought), letting out a loud ‘YES!’, before returning to the call. you had heard everything, softly chuckling to yourself.

he was pretty cute.

//

That when the stars go out, you can rest your love on me

And when the world gets loud, baby, you can rest your love on me

“that ending was terrible” you pouted as you left the cinema with haechan.

“it wasn’t so bad, it could have been worse” he shrugged, leading you to the next location.

“hm i guess so, by the way, where are we going anyway?” you questioned, walking alongside him, observing your surroundings.

“this cool burger place i found online, here i’ll show you some photos” he pulled out his phone, swiping through the photos. you nodded along, agreeing to let him lead the way.

“y/n? is that you?” you heard a deep voice call, you head shot up, so did haechan’s.

“who’s that?” your mouth went dry. your body froze up. why was he here? why did he have to call out to you?

“oh my god it is you! long time no see” the mysterious boy approached the pair of you, completely disregarding haechan’s existence. he noticed how uncomfortable you were, eyes flickering between the boy and you. he placed his arm loosely around your back, the other boy’s eyes following in suit.

“oh i see, you’re dating someone. dang, i guess i missed my shot. he doesn’t seem like your type” the boy scoffed, arms folded as he stared you both down.

“w-we have to go” you finally bring yourself to mutter, pulling haechan along with you.

“y/n who was that?” haechan kept repeating, which only made you want to cry.

“he’s my ex, okay? just take me home” you sniffled, haechan immediately became concerned. he didn’t ask any further questions, driving you straight back to your place.

as he reached your house, he looked over at you, tears brimming your eyes.

“i-i’m sorry that our day was cut short. i was really enjoying myself. my ex and i ended on pretty bad terms and i would just like some time alone right now, i hope you understand” you sniffled, which made haechan’s heart ache.

“you don’t have to apologise. you know where to find me if you need me. i’ll be waiting for you to open up to me one day, y/n. however long it takes” he assures you, leaving you with a warm feeling in your stomach. you just nodded back at him, making your way into your house.

haechan sat in his car for a while, wishing he could take away all your pain.

//

you invited haechan to meet you at the local park. with no further questions, he rushed out of his room, eager to see you again. you waited patiently on the small bench, swinging your legs back and forth. you heard heavy footsteps approach, your eyes meeting those of the boy who radiated happiness.

“are you alright?” haechan starts as he takes a seat next to you, leaving a small gap between you both.

“y-yeah, i’m ready to tell you everything” you began,

“he and i ‘dated’ two years ago. i say ‘dated’ because well, i thought we were, but turns out he was just another player and i was just another pawn in his little game. it was my first relationship too, messed me up pretty bad. that’s why i tend to keep to myself, not really letting others in too much. he made me feel like every guy who gave me attention just wanted me for their own selfish needs” you sigh, eyes avoiding haechan’s. he wanted to hold your hand, but opted not to.

“he’s an asshole, you didn’t deserve that. i-i could treat you so much better i promise-“

“haechan, c-can we just slow things down?” you finally made eye contact with him, his face contorting into a confused expression.

“i know you like me, and i would be lying if i said i didn’t have a slight interest in you too. but i don’t think i’m ready for a relationship yet” you admit, worried for his reaction. but to your surprise, he didn’t feel sad or dejected at all. instead he smiled widely at you, leaning in closer.

“i’ll go as slow as you want. you can rest your love on me, whenever you need. i’m just glad to hear you like me too” he batted his eyelids, making you softly chuckle.

“thankyou” you whispered to him, moving closer so that your shoulders touched. the rest of the day was filled with random activities from the arcade, to a bike ride along the park’s trail and finally dinner. haechan came to realise that being with somebody wasn’t black and white. there was a grey area that lied in between. he didn’t care how long he needed to wait, all he knew was that he finally got you to like him. and that was enough to make him the happiest man alive.

[jinkicake]

I Got Your Message

Bokuto, Kageyama, Nishinoya when their s/o sends them dirty pictures/messages when other people are around. 

Bokuto Koutarou x Reader

Kageyama Tobio x Reader

Nishinoya Yuu x Reader

Here you go Anon~~ I was going to make this smutty because you know how I be moving but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I like seeing these dorks all flustered and acting like the little freaks they are hehe!

WC- 1,542

~~~

Bokuto Koutarou

Bokuto would be sooo excited, like a hyper bouncing up and down with excitement

I mean who wouldn’t act that way when they know they’re going to get their dick wet?

His gold eyes would light up and he would stare at his phone with a big smile on his face like ohhh say less

Bokuto is the type to not be subtle at all like he will stare at you with his full chest, waiting for you to look back at him

Of course, this will gain the attention of others,,,,

“Bokuto, are you alright?” Akaashi is such a sweetie

“Airhead why are you staring at (Y/N) like you’re going to mount them any second?” Very subtle Kuroo,,, that earns him a hard slap upside the head by Kenma

Bokuto would have no shame in just grabbing your wrist and dragging you away from everyone

Everyone in the room would be able to pick up on what is going down….

That’s the grace of Bokuto Koutarou~

You watch as Bokuto glances down at his phone when he hears it vibrate with a notification. Bokuto is the type to be like ‘why did you text me’ in a room full of people, headass, so you hope he would just open it instead. To your surprise he did and you can’t help the heat that creeps onto your face at his reaction. At first he looks surprised, shocked, and furrows his thick eyebrows at the screen.

Once he reads the filthy text a few times, a large grin takes up his face. He turns to look at you and raises an eyebrow, almost as if he is asking you serious? Bokuto goes back to his phone and looks at the text one more time before shoving the device in his pocket. He rolls his large shoulders back and stands tall and proud amongst his friends. Kuroo glances at him and notices his arrogant stance, he nudges his blonde friend and Kenma glances up from his own phone. 

The pudding head’s face pinches as he stares at the ace but Kenma shakes his head and goes back to his phone. Even Akaashi has picked up on Bokuto’s happy mood and looks at him carefully.

“You are really happy, Bokuto?” Akaashi tries to state but it ends up being a question.

“Yup!” He answers back with enough excitement to make Kenma flinch.

“Why?” Akaashi carefully asks and Bokuto simply shrugs, to his three friends it looks like Bokuto is going to explode any minute. Kuroo notices the way he keeps glancing at you, not at all in a subtle way, and he narrows his eyes towards the horned owl bastard.

“(Y/N) looks really pretty today.” Kuroo comments and Bokuto nods with a proud look on his face, Kenma glances at his friend and pinches Kuroo’s elbow.

Bokuto walks away from them without a second glance and over to the edge of the gym. He wraps his hand around your wrist and drags you towards the locker rooms, but not before flashing his friends a peace sign and cheeky grin. Leaving no room to wonder just exactly what you two are about to do.

“I fucking hate it here.” Kenma mutters and Akaashi sighs in agreement, all while Kuroo is tearing up proudly.

Kageyama Tobio

Flustered mess, Kageyama becomes a flustered mess

He'd be like the guy who stares really hard at his phone and just stops breathing the entire time

When he finally looks away from the screen and glances at you, he’d take in a BIG breath of fresh air

Kageyama would turn sooo red, heheh omg

He’d be so stiff with his movements and would keep darting his eyes from you to his phone, almost like he didn’t believe you sent it

In his mind he’s like ,,,,, no thoughts except don’t get a boner don’t get a boner

But then you have Hinata and Tsukishima who pick up on his tense form and be like

“Why are you so red Kageyama?”

“What’s with that ugly look on your face? Oh wait, you always look like that.”

Kageyama would try to be subtle with his movements, like he’d tilt his head towards a closet so that you would follow him but then end up running into a pillar or wall after he walks away…. He tries, the sweet boy does try

Kageyama stares down at his phone, his gaze is hard and his lips are pressed together as he looks at the dirty photo you sent him. He has to calm himself down and try not to look at you, but he can’t help it. His eyes snap up to yours and he is met with a gorgeous smirk on your face.

The setter blinks owlishly and looks back down at his phone, why the hell did you send him this? Did he do something wrong, there is no context at all. It’s just a photo of you decked out in lace and it is making his head spin.

He can feel the confines of his shorts tighten and he has to close his eyes to try to calm himself down. Okay, okay, he needs to get out of there. Preferably with you.

“You taking a nap or something?” Hinata jumps in front of him, waving his hands in front of his face to get his attention. “Let’s go play cup pong, loser!” Kageyama looks around the backyard of his friends and has to remind himself, oh yeah it’s a pool party. Kageyama simply ignores his smaller friend and stares at you, his heart lurches a little bit when he notices you already staring back. Kageyama tilts his head towards the door, waiting for your nod of approval. “You need to stretch or something? Why do you keep moving your neck like that?” Hinata asks loudly with one of his eyebrows raised, Kageyama has never wanted to deck him more.

“I-I’m going to the bathroom,” Kageyama announces just as loudly, his eyes keep darting back to you.

“Thanks for telling me?” Hinata shakes his head before running back over to where Yamaguchi and Yachi are throwing tiny plastic balls into red solo cups. Kageyama sighs and stares at you as he walks towards the door, ultimately running into the glass sliding door in the process. You quickly sit up from your pool chair and place your hand on his lower back.

“Oh, look at your face, I’ll take care of you. Come on.” Your words sound innocent like a caring lovers would be but Kageyama knows better. Steam gushes out of his ears at the thought of you taking care of him, he doesn’t even try to hide his boner anymore.

Nishinoya Yuu

Nishinoya would probably be the most subtle out of the three,,

He would look at his phone and his eyes would scan over the words a couple of times

Then he would release the breath he was holding in

Please, Nishinoya would look around like he didn’t just receive a dirty text that sent blood straight to his dick head

He would probably text you back something just as dirty and watch you the entire time you read it

He wants to see you just as flustered as him~~~

He’d probably make some bullshit excuse on why he has to leave, and it would probably be believable

Like “oh I have to go get something from the convenience store” or “I need to go study for that exam we have on Wednesday”

The last one would fuel Tanaka and Ennoshita’s suspicious,,,,, like Nishinoya is willingly going to study for a test?

Then they notice how you also left the room and *cue the gagging noises*

“You are going to go study?” Ennoshita asks in disbelief, he had been curious about Nishinoya’s expressive actions the entire practice. Not like Nishinoya isn’t always expressive and loud, but there was something different about him today.

“Yup, I have to be a smarter and reliable player.” The libero stands proudly, his hands on his hips with his nose slightly jutted into the air. Ennoshita simply narrows his eyes at him before raising an eyebrow.

“Right, and what class are you studying for?” He presses and Nishinoya stares right back at him.

“You know, school and stuff.” Nishinoya finally turns away from him and glance back down at his phone, a wide grin takes up his face.

“Uh-huh, that’s really good Noya.” Ennoshita slowly backs away, not like Nishinoya would notice with the way he is staring at his phone.

“Yup! I’m off to study literature!” Nishinoya cheers and grabs his bag, throwing it over his shoulder and running out of the gym. The rest of the players simply watch as the second year runs away, paying no mind to it. It isn’t until later when one of them finally picks up on what went down.

“Oh, Kiyoko what are you still doing here?” Tanaka blushes deeply as he fails to make eye contact with his manager, the older girl just shrugs while looking at her phone.

“I was supposed to meet (Y/N) after practice today but she had to cancel last minute, I guess an emergency came up,” Kiyoko explains before saying goodbye and Tanaka waves as she walks away.

It’s only when the wing spiker is walking home does he realize exactly why both you and Nishinoya left in such a hurry after practice today.

~ Taglist. 

@yams046 @why-am-i-sad-and-sleepy

[beewolfwrites]

And When I am Formulated, Sprawling on a Pin - Chapter 15: Love and Squalor

Helloo again! Lots of Chishiya in this chapter, because frankly there can never be enough of him. 

If you’re only just reading this fic, this is a Chishiya x OC/Reader fanfic, and you can find all the chapters, including this one, here on AO3. 

Enjoy :)

-------------------------------------------------

‘Get out.’

The words stung like frost against my bare skin. This coldness was achingly familiar. I had heard it once before on the roof when I had asked about his injury and tried to touch him. Several subject changes later, the distrust had finally thawed. And now, we’d come full circle again.

It was impossible not to stare at the reddened bandage wrapped around his waist. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I didn’t say you could come in here. Get out.’

I blinked away tears, determined not to let him see. There was no way I could go back out there with Niragi was prowling the halls looking for me. I met Chishiya’s stony glare and shook my head.

I’m not going out there.

At that moment, Niragi’s gleeful voice sounded from somewhere in the hallways. ‘Come on out, Shorty, and maybe we can finish what we started. Wouldn’t that be fun?’

Chishiya’s jaw tensed slightly, but only for the briefest second before returning to its apathetic state. Placing the gauze back into the first aid kit, he muttered, ‘get under the bed and don’t make a sound.’

I frowned, silently asking him why.

‘Unless you’d rather be caught by him?’

No. Not that. Anything but that.

Having made my decision, I pulled away from the door and got to the floor. Still clutching the copy of Wuthering Heights in one hand, and almost banging my head on the bedframe, I scrabbled under, making sure to stay away from the edges where someone could see. It was very, very cramped, and claustrophobia was creeping up on me from every recess, but Chishiya must’ve had a reason for telling me to do this. I had to trust in that, even if I didn’t completely trust him.

Several bangs shook the door, and I gulped, knowing exactly who was behind it. It was as if Chishiya had somehow predicted what would happen. There was a rustle of clothes as he zipped up his hoodie before going to open it.

Before Niragi could begin saying anything, Chishiya spoke. ‘Don’t waste your time, she’s not in here.’

‘Oh?’ Niragi sneered. ‘If you know why I’m here, then she must be in here.’

‘Has it occurred to you that the entire Beach can hear you shouting and causing a fuss?’

There was a click, presumably of Niragi’s rifle. ‘Oi, don’t even think about pissing me off. I know she’s in here. She’s your little pal, and she disappeared right around your room.’

I closed my eyes, praying that I could melt away into the darkness under the bed.

There was a slow, annoyed exhale, followed by Chishiya’s voice. ‘You can come in and see for yourself if you want. But there’s no point.’

Don’t invite him in!

I froze, scared even to breathe too loudly. The door creaked as it swung open, and from the slither of light under the bed, I could see Niragi’s boots as he waltzed through the room. He flicked on the lights in the bathroom and peered into the closet, before circling back.

Niragi cocked his rifle, letting out a half-laugh. ‘I guess it doesn’t matter. I’ll see your friend again soon enough, and next time she won’t get far.’

There was a shuffle and a click of the door as the footsteps disappeared. I released the breath I’d been holding, and all my muscles relaxed, sinking into the soft carpet.

He’s gone… for now.

Chishiya’s sandalled feet appeared at the edge of the bed.

‘I’d prefer it if you didn’t stay there all day.’

It was hard to tell whether the irritation in his voice was genuine or just put on to make me uncomfortable. I forced myself to ignore it as I climbed out from under the bed. Chishiya was perched on the end, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his hoodie, but his gaze rested on the wall opposite rather than on me.

‘You can’t hide from him forever.’

I sat down on the duvet, awkwardly playing with the book in my hands. ‘I know.’

When I didn’t move, Chishiya finally turned to me. ‘You know you can leave.’

‘I know that too,’ I said. But whether it was because of Niragi, or because of something else, I found that didn’t want to leave. ‘Why don’t I help you? You know, with…’ I gestured to his side.

This time, the coldness had disappeared from his voice, but the distrust was still evident. ‘I don’t need your help.’

The way he phrased it didn’t go unnoticed. It wasn’t that he didn’t need help; he didn’t need my help. I lacked any medical experience to be of use to him, but that didn’t mean I was going to give up. Back in the Hunting Season game, when he’d tumbled over the fence, and I’d felt the weight of him on top of me, I knew he was in serious pain. Chishiya wasn’t a fan of physical contact, so the fact that it had taken him a good minute to get up was what gave him away.

And even then, he’d still trailed around a shopping mall after me.

Even then, he’d held up his end of our bargain.

I could at least try and do this.

‘Fine then,’ I insisted, ‘you can guide me. It can be like a lesson, since I’m more likely to get injured in a game than you. If I know the basics, I won’t need your help again like I did in the pharmacy that time.’

His expression filled with callous amusement. ‘In other words, you feel guilty. And now you’re trying to convince me to let you repay me in some way.’

I knew I’d been obvious in how I felt about what happened, but it still stung to hear him talk about my guilt as though it were one big joke to him. ‘Maybe… is it working?’

‘I suppose if Niragi shoots you, you could patch it up rather than coming to me.’ The words were softly spoken yet calculating. He gestured to a bowl on the bedside table. ‘You need to fill that up with water. Boil a kettle to sterilise it first.’

Does this mean… yes?

Smiling from ear to ear, I told him he wouldn’t regret this. Ditching the book on the bed, I picked up the kettle and filled it with water from the bathroom, leaving it to boil while I washed my hands meticulously using the techniques I’d seen on posters in public bathrooms.

He’s only now trusting me enough to do this, I thought. If it gets infected, he’ll kill me.

I reached for the towel on the back of the door, then stopped. They didn’t use towels in hospitals; it was far too unhygienic. ‘What can I use to dry my hands?’ I called out. ‘Your towels are too germy.’

‘My towels are always clean,’ his voice drawled back in response. ‘And there are gloves here, so it doesn’t make any difference.’ I could practically hear him calling me an idiot just through his tone alone.

When I returned, he was holding out a small box of sterile latex gloves that looked awfully like the ones in the medical room. He must’ve stolen them for himself. He had also removed the old bandages and the dressing underneath, revealing a large tear in the skin beneath his ribs. It was no longer bleeding, but it still looked painful.

‘We’re using water to clean it?’ I asked, taking the kettle and pouring the boiling water into the bowl to sterilise it as much as possible. ‘In the pharmacy you used antiseptic first.’

‘Ah. That’s because I didn’t have water or saline.’ He said, as I disappeared into the bathroom to drain out the hot water and replace it with cool tap water. ‘And also, because I was curious about something.’

He always seems to be curious about something.

‘And what was that?’ I returned, balancing the bowl of water in my lap as I sat close to him on the bed. Close enough that I could see the goosepimples on his arms, and the way his pale hair lightly brushed his skin.

He smirked. ‘I wanted to see whether you would cry.’

Even though I was mildly insulted, I knew there was more to than that. At the time he was trying to recruit me to the Beach, so it was more likely he wanted to see whether I was resilient enough to deal with a bullet graze. ‘And did I pass your little test?’

‘Well… you didn’t cry,’ he said. ‘Although you bit your hand instead, which was just as stupid.’

I was used to him making me feel insignificant by now, but that didn’t mean I was willing to put up with it. ‘You know, calling me stupid is the same as calling me an idiot. And you were the one who said I was intelligent enough to be useful when you brought me to the Beach.’

I took a cloth out of its packaging and submerged it in the bowl to dampen it. Moving slowly and applying only the lightest pressure, I began gently cleaning the wound. With every cold touch of water, his muscles tensed.

‘That’s true,’ he said. ‘And yet you don’t know how to treat a basic injury.’

I couldn’t help but smile.

I suppose even Chishiya can be wrong sometimes.

‘I know how to treat an injury,’ I told him. ‘But I don’t know how to do it properly, and it’s not like we have much modern medicine here to help us.’ I paused, thinking back to before the Borderlands. ‘It’s also because I’m not especially smart.’

His only response was a huff of air as I dabbed the cold rag against his skin, removing traces of dry blood. From his silence, I could only assume he was waiting for me to explain.

‘My brother is a psychologist. He once said to me that being smart doesn’t make you intelligent.’

‘That was smart of him,’ Chishiya commented.

I hummed in agreement. ‘He is smart. My dad never made him feel that way though. He always said my brother wasn’t cut out for psychology. He went and proved him wrong though.’

It was hard to ignore the intimacy of being so close to Chishiya right now. At times, our skin was almost touching, but it never quite made it.

Don’t think about it.

‘But my brother was right about what he said. A smart person might know how to treat a wound because they’ve studied it. They’ll study loads of subjects and gain a lot of practical skills. They ace all the exams because they remember all the answers.’ I paused, smiling. ‘But being intelligent means questioning the answers… looking at thing differently… and when you don’t know something, you’ll find a solution that’s completely outside of the box.’

As I spoke, I could feel Chishiya’s eyes on me, watching my every move. He could have just been wary, except it didn’t feel that way. Rather than his cruel, calculating stare, this seemed closer to passive interest.

‘Take the Borderlands for example,’ I said. ‘A smart person would say that it can’t be God who’s behind all of this craziness, because God doesn’t exist. We’ve seen outer space, and it’s not rational to think that there’s a God out there sitting on the clouds. But an intelligent person would know that even if we can’t prove God exists, we also can’t prove that God doesn’t exist. So, they’ll consider every possibility at once.'

Even just talking about this was comforting. It made me feel like I was carrying my brother’s words with me. I only wished I knew where he was.

Chishiya had been so silent that when he spoke, it completely took me out of my thoughts. ‘And what about me?’ He asked. ‘Would you pin me as smart or intelligent?’

I rinsed the cloth in the now pink water, taking a moment to think my answer through carefully. ‘Probably a crazy mixture of both. Sometimes, I wish I knew what’s going on in your head. Only, I can’t read you at all. It scares me.’

‘Everything scares you.’

‘Okay, okay. Let’s not go there,’ I brought the cloth closer to Chishiya’s skin once more.

‘That’s enough.’ He flinched away from it. ‘The water’s freezing.’

‘An eye for an eye,’ I said, grinning, as I dropped the cloth back into the water. ‘Consider it repayment for trying to make me cry.’

The corner of his mouth curled. ‘Touche.’

Gesturing to a tube of antibiotic ointment, he talked me through the correct amount to use. Even through gloves, touching his skin felt uncomfortably intimate, although perhaps I was just too easily embarrassed. Chishiya didn’t seem to mind, or at least, he didn’t pay it much attention.

‘You never told me why you wanted to make me cry,’ I said, trying to break the ice.

He pointed at a dressing wrapped in clear, sterile packaging. ‘I wanted to gauge whether you would survive in a world like this.’

Bingo! I was right.

‘I thought that much.’ Unwrapping the dressing, I carefully positioned it against his skin so that the sticky edge wouldn’t catch on the wound itself. ‘I’ve survived so far. Isn’t that enough?’

With two fingers, he flicked me hard on the forehead. Caught by surprise, I could only blink up at him, confused, as I rubbed the stinging skin with the back of my wrist.  

‘Of course not,’ he replied. ‘It’s only enough when you get to return to the real world. And you’re still too naïve. No wonder Niragi’s made you into such an easy target.’

Immediately, my mood soured at the mention of that name. Niragi wasn’t going to stop until he’d gotten what he wanted, and I was running out of ways to avoid him. ‘What do you think he meant before?’

‘I’ll see your friend again soon enough, and next time she won’t get far.’

The words still echoed in the room. He was planning something.

Chishiya hummed as he pulled his hoodie back on. ‘I have a theory, but it’s almost game time,’ he said. ‘Your visa expires tonight.’

How does he know mine expires?

I raised a brow, confused, but if he noticed, he didn’t ask or explain. Dismissing the thought, I focused instead on how much more at ease I felt now that he was no longer shirtless, even if Chishiya himself didn’t seem to care about being so exposed. Although I kind of wanted to stay and enjoy talking to him more, I didn’t want to push my luck. It was a marvel he had even let me stay this long. Picking up my book, I thanked him for distracting Niragi earlier, and left.

It was only when I got half-way down the hall, staring at the book, that I realised I’d forgotten to ask him about the line of text.

-------------------------------------------------------

As darkness spilled through the windows of my room, I knew it was time. After Niragi’s words earlier, I had a bad feeling about tonight’s game. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but I just knew something was off.

To be on the safe side, I took the taser from its drawer and pocketed it before heading down to the lobby.

I squeezed my way to the table at the front and took my slip of paper, making a mental note of the group number. Searching the room, it didn’t take long before I spotted Chishiya and Kuina on the other side. They were leaning against a wall and staring at something I couldn’t see. I scanned over the crowds until I realised what, or whom, they were looking at.

The boy with messy hair and the climber girl from the Tag game.

Looks like those two teamed up, huh?

Walking towards Kuina and Chishiya, I leaned up against the wall, but said nothing as I watched the pair.

Chishiya clocked onto my presence immediately. ‘So, you’ve noticed them too.’

The climber girl and the boy hugged before parting ways. ‘Of course. I remember them from the Five of Spades.’ Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the cogs in Chishiya’s mind turning. ‘You’re planning something, aren’t you?’

‘Perhaps,’ he said. ‘It all depends on how he does tonight. Hatter’s already impressed by the cards he brought with him.’

I didn’t like the look on his face. It was clear he was already creating some kind of strategy, a way of using the boy and the climber girl within our plan. That’s just what Chishiya did; he used you to his advantage and dispatched you without a second thought. It was side of him that scared me, and it made me wonder where I stood. Was I his friend, like Kuina, or perhaps just a dish kept in the cupboard for him to take out and use whenever the occasion suits.

But he gave me those books and a taser to protect myself.

He also patched up my arm in the pharmacy, and later admitted that it was merely a ploy to recruit me to the Beach. Looking at him now, I only wished I knew how to read him.

What am I to you?

‘Kuina,’ he said, breaking the silence that had fallen between us, ‘you’re in the same group as him.’

Next to me, Kuina made a noise of understanding as she already knew what was being asked of her. ‘Leave it to me. I’ll make friends with him and see what he’s made of.’ Nudging me gently, she added. ‘Sorry we couldn’t be in a game together.’

I squeezed her hand. ‘Just make sure you come back.’

‘Got it,’ Wish me luck!’ Then with a little wave, she left us alone.

Looking over the room, I wondered who else was in my group. It would be better if my group consisted of people I’d never seen or spoken to before, just in case the unthinkable happened. When Kuina had apologised for not being in the same game, I hadn’t felt sorry at all. It was much, much better this way.

There was a shuffle of fabric as Chishiya slid closer, filling the gap where Kuina had been. When he spoke, his voice was low and quiet. ‘結局俺の理論が正しいだった.’

The words caught me by surprise; he didn’t usually speak to me in Japanese unless it was to mock me behind my back.Unfortunately, I didn’t understand anything other than the word for ‘correct’.

What was correct? His theory from earlier?

‘どういう意味か?’ I asked. What do you mean?

Even though he was speaking to me, he was focused on a particular spot on the opposite wall, his eyes amused and sly. ‘そのテーザーをあるか?’ Do you have that taser?

And without having to look, everything clicked.

Lifting my head, I saw my fate resting on the other side of the room. That feeling of dread from earlier returned, creeping over my shoulder and settling heavy in my gut. Niragi was leaning against a wall, his expression triumphant and his eyes trained on me. It could only mean one thing.

This is going to be one hell of a game.