#i had another dream with the professer where teached science instead

[trashcannotcan]

Had a dream where the professer from puppet history by @wearewatcher was teaching me history about probably melaka i don't remember but everytime there was a question another puppet names Zolo would appear that looked like this:

That sounded alot like jon-solo from folklore explain. Would always go "hello there would you like to know the true origins of _insert said fairy tale_?". Because i don't know how to say no and zolo gave me donuts i would always say yes.

And so when the last question came Zolo popped up and i guess The Professer snapped because both Zolo and The Professer got into a fist fight (which looked hilarious). And shane was just filming the whole thing.

And things got more chaotic because Steven entered the room with anabelle the cursed doll queen herself and she joined the fight and steven just went to the bar and started making cocktails??? At one point something caught on fire and that was probably goat man because the building was near his bridge.

Then Ryan came in with a smoothie and right next to him was mothman??? And it was the whole icarly meme:

And mothman saw the fight and tried to stop it and goatman got inside the room and so the couch got caught on fire. And steven was on his third cocktail???

And im just sitting there looking at my notes and all i wrote was "history is disaster like always💫"

Anyway i woke up checking to see if there was any ghosts in my room because like three demonic beings were in my dream.

[theworryjournal]

The Only Non-Engineering Kid On My Block

Being an Indian (Or is it an Asian thing?), sort of binds you to be an engineer. You could even stretch so far as to call it your birthright? For some, it begins when you’re a kid and for some it comes in much later, probably in high school that being an engineer is your first most important goal in life. It is instilled in us, that if you do end up being one, you’re rewarded. 

Most of us are born into a family that has produced engineers of all kinds and some of us are fortunate to be born into a family that has a mixed bag of professions (absolutely nothing against the profession or the ones who choose engineering as their profession, just normalising). Well, I wasn’t one of the fortunate ones. I come from a family of engineers after engineers after engineers. The probability of finding a non-engineer in my family is 1 out of a 100 or more (That would be me).

My journey began when I was in primary school and all I wanted to be was a teacher. My mother was a teacher back then and I would miss school (something I love doing, taking a leave of absence from my responsibilities) and go to my mother’s workplace and just watch her teach. I would sometimes find an empty classroom and pretend there are kids and teach (not like I knew much to impart knowledge). On the days that I did go to school, I was introduced to EVS (environmental science). It was a culmination of biology, chemistry and a little bit of physics (how much ever a 10 year old could handle). Lucky for me, I had a great EVS teacher. EVS always had my full attention, given that I possessed the attention span of a squirrel. 

Then came high school and all doors to rumination opened. Suddenly everyone around me was frantic and always had their hands full with things that could get them an extra grade or extra credit. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do or which direction I wanted to head. I was never one of those class toppers or extra curricular queen or in the student union trying to make a difference, I was just an ordinary run of the mill high schooler. I discovered that I had a penchant for science and English. There was something about these subjects that was so fascinating. I was also beginning to get good at it, as opposed to all the other subjects (it was inversely proportional, the better I did in science and English, the worse I got in math, socials and whatever else existed. Math still gives me nightmares). It came to me as almost a revelation that I should be a vet or a journalist. I’m passionate about animals, I can comprehend science and I know the ways of English, yes that’s what I will be. My father wasn’t too happy about my choice but he didn’t take it too seriously as I was known for not making steady decisions. 

When it actually came down to choosing my specialty, I did not get to choose biology and that drowned my dreams of being a vet and gave birth to my father’s dream of me being an engineer as I was offered a computer science seat. Oh the disbelief, I was dismayed. What was actually playing havoc with my dreams was that I was good at computer science and my father was ecstatic that he would produce yet another engineer and I had pretty much forgotten about journalism. 

As I wrapped up another educational milestone, it was soon time to address the elephant in the room, to be or not to be, that was the question. We had been sweeping it under the carpet for far too long, my adamant (apparently) need to not be an engineer. Has that happened to you, where something is expected of you, a pressurizing expectation, when not living up to it will cost you? There I was, stuck and sinking. You would think, standing up for something you want and almost inherently believe in, will be easy. Almost everyone I knew (literally 90% or more people), had decided engineering was the way to go, whether they liked it or not (that was secondary. How can something like that even be secondary?). Some paid more for it and some paid “just about right” for it. Early 20s and I’m adrift. I did not have the courage to say that I cannot do engineering, it's just not my cup of tea. Instead of facing what was an inevitable conversation, I stalled by giving architecture a hand. Oh did I crash and burn. Miserably. 

It was a very foreign concept, not studying engineering (definitely still is). What would people say? How will you make a living? How will you sustain yourself with a meager earning? It is almost shameful and lowly for one to take up something like a bachelor in science or arts or commerce. A stigma that is so deeply engraved in our society that it hinders the way we look at people and tag their intelligence or their sheer capability to become something. A prejudice that exists everywhere but goes unaddressed. It comes out maybe as a thinly veiled insult or a snarky comment at a family get together. If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say oh a B.Sc doesn’t get you anywhere, there’s no future, I would be rich. I get it that among generations before us, engineering was the only way to a sustainable living. Urbanization and industrialization were booming and engineering was in demand (it still is, no doubt). But since when did it become a thing of status and knowledge? Since when did it become a tool to categorize people? 

And so war was commenced for not wanting engineering. It was a period of agony and mostly breathlessness. Does it have to be this hard though? Not only do you have to do this alone in society but also alone in your own family? And live low-key always in fear of facing the "I told you so"? For as long as you prove your worth (actually even after you prove your worth, wait why should I even prove my worth?). 

Even now, I see so many people not taking up what they actually want out of fear and the very “in your face” discrimination that exists in our society. So many people I’ve spoken to who are just dissatisfied and unhappy because they wanted to be something else and end up with “you know how it goes, my parents didn’t support me” or “it's the cliche story. I wanted to be so and so but then, it didn’t work out”. Why do we make it so difficult for people to just.. Flourish? 

Today I’m 26, a nutritionist (B.Sc and M.Sc). You know, it's funny how I came about becoming a nutritionist. I had initially opted for chemistry and chemistry came with its pals, physics and math. Now, physics I don’t mind at all (I’m all about that Ohm) but math, I did mention about the nightmares bit right? A week of it and I was dying. I had to get my subjects changed to something with chemistry (and ta-ta math) and found nutrition and dietetics in the prospectus. Sounded quite fancy and interesting (obviously) and a very whimsical choice it was that completely turned my life around and for good. I’ve never felt so right, ever before in my life (I say that about a lot of relationships in my life, my friends would know but this one’s a keeper).

Don’t get me wrong, my parents and my sister are super supportive. Took my dad a while (a long time) to wrap his head around it but he eventually did. I’ve nothing against engineers (did I tell you my family is full of them?) and I know so many engineers who are very passionate about what they do (only respect). But think about it, does it really have to be this hard? With all the “road not taken” poetic jazz to it? No. It doesn’t have to be. I mean, how can you presume that engineering is a shoe that fits all when you don’t live another’s life but your own? 

TLDR- Be compassionate because everyone’s trying to fit in. Respect a profession for what it contributes to society, just as yours does. Everyone’s hustling. It doesn’t have to be this hard or feel out of control when it's your own life that you’re deciding for. Isn’t this prejudice stronger towards men than women? (read: benevolent sexism). Abort. Abort. Abort.

Normalise it. Accept it. Love it. Respect it. Do what makes you happy and pursue what you're good at. We’re on each other’s team. Kinda tired of having to throw my hands in the air.

P.S. NEP is executing some very interesting changes in the education system, I’m hoping that’s the beginning of cessation of these stereotypes.

[himluv]

Heaven in Hiding

The next Solavellan oneshot, set the day after Peculiar. I hope you like it!

Also, a reminder that you can read all of these oneshots in order over at AO3! Or reread, or binge, or whatever you need ;)

Also also, I have to mention that the title is a direct pull from the song of the same name by Halsey because, well... you’ll see.

The evening was late, but Solas sat at his desk in the rotunda, sketching Riallan where she sat reading on the sofa. The night had progressed as usual between them with a bottle of wine, a plate of fruits and cheeses, and quiet work. She hadn’t spoken of the day before, of his ridiculous blunder of professing his love to her so quickly, but she smiled whenever she caught him looking at her and she beamed when he called her vhenan. So no harm done, it seemed.

She growled at the book and flipped back a few pages. “That doesn’t make sense,” she said. She’d spent the entire evening pouring over the tome, her brow furrowed and her lips pressed into a hard line.

“What are you reading?” He asked.

“My trainer’s notes on Rift Magic,” she said.

“You trainer?”

“That’s her name, apparently,” she said. Then shook her head. “My advisors think I should pursue a specialization, and I’m beginning to think I chose the wrong one.”

He smiled at her frustration. It was rare to see her so at odds with something knowledge-based. “What were your options?”

“Knight Enchanter, which is too up close and personal for me, and Necromancy which is Dorian’s wheelhouse.” She shuddered. “It’s spooky enough when he does it, we don’t need two of us.”

“I am a Rift Mage.”

“I know, and I was hoping that meant you’d be my teacher. Instead Josephine brings me this!” She slapped the cover of the book with the back of her hand.

“Think of the appearances,” he said. “An apostate with no formal training teaching the Herald of Andraste in a new, dangerous form of magic? It would cause an uproar.”

She groaned. “I am so sick of caring about what the Andrastians think about me. I wish they didn’t think about me at al!”

He stood and moved to perch on the arm of the sofa. “I know vhenan, but their belief gives you the power to close the rifts, to fight Corypheus.”

��No,” she said, letting her frustration soak the word. “The mark gives me that power.”

“And the believers give you their coin and their land and their approval. You would be hobbled without them.”

She glared at him, which told him she knew he was right. “May I?” He gestured at the book.

“Please. I need you to tell me it’s gibberish, otherwise I’m going to think it’s my Dalish upbringing that makes this so difficult.” She gave the book a distrustful look. “That is not how we teach magic in the clan.”

He hummed as he leafed through the pages. “I would certainly hope not. Your trainer, is she…” he searched for a polite word, “well?”

Riallan snorted. “Physically, maybe. Mentally she’s a bit, well, addled.” She cocked her head at him. “Why do you ask?”

He waved a hand over the book. “I can tell from these pages that she’s a very talented mage, but her approach to Rift Magic is wrong, and very dangerous.”

Her eyes found his and stayed there, that indomitable focus trained on him in a way that would have made him blush if he weren’t so accustomed to controlling his expressions. “What do you mean?”

“She’s broken it down into the minutia, each piece added to the next, as if calling on the Fade were a simple recipe. And with elemental magics, it can be so simple. But this is the Fade. It does not follow rules and logic and science. At least, not purely.” He closed the book and handed it back to her. “When you use Rift Magic, you are not casting with your innate connection to the Fade, you are reaching through to the Fade using your knowledge of and connection to the rifts. It is at once science and art. Emotion and control. If you do not strike a balance, you will be left just as addled as she is.”

She set the book in her lap and sighed. “Comforting.”

He smiled. “It is not so difficult as it sounds, and with your talent I expect you will master it quickly.” He made to get up, to return to his desk, but her hand reached out and grabbed his.

“Will you teach me?” Wide eyes begged him to agree.

He chuckled. “I will assist you where I can, vhenan,” he said. Her hand tugged on his pulling him closer until he stood before her, looking down into her upturned face. By the Void but she was beautiful. Her cheeks bore the faint pink of wine and frustration, her lips matched and were parted so slightly as she watched him. He found himself bending at the waist as she tugged on his hand once more, succumbing to her gravity.

“We can hardly have the Inquisitor addled, after all,” he said, but the words were lost in the tentative brush of her lips on his. They kissed, soft and languid, enjoying without demanding more, until the screech of chair legs on stone made Solas pull away. Desperate, he snatched the book from her lap, opened it to a random page, and turned his back to the doorway.

“Don’t stay up too late, you two,” Varric called. There was a smugness in his voice Solas did not appreciate. The dwarf saw far too much.

“We won’t,” Riallan said. Her voice was high and thready, and he could only imagine the bright pink of her blush at almost being caught. “Goodnight, Varric.”

“Goodnight, Herald. Chuckles.”

“On nydha,” he said, but did not look at the dwarf. Only once Riallan let out a shaky breath did he turn back to face her. As he’d guessed, her face was flushed, but what he hadn’t expected was the look of disappointment on her face.

“What are we doing here, Solas?”

He frowned. “I don’t—“

“You call me vhenan, you,” she paused and glanced at the floor above them. Dorian had yet to come down from the library that evening, so she pitched her voice into a whisper. “You tell me you love me, but then you’re ashamed to let Varric see us kiss?”

He sat beside her on the sofa and pulled her hands to rest in his on his lap. “Not ashamed, vhenan. Never ashamed.” How could she think such a thing? “I am…  a very private person.”

That earned him a wry smile. “So I’ve noticed.”

He chuckled. “I would prefer not to advertise our relationship.” He brow furrowed and he hurried to continue, “Not hide it. I am not ashamed, Riallan, but the more people know about us, the less privacy we will have. And there is your reputation to consider.”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t care what people think,” she said.

“I know, vhenan, but I do.” He shook his head. “I care what they think of you, and I would not have them use our relationship as ammunition against you.”

She mulled over his words. “I can tell people, though?”

He inclined his head and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “If you so wish,” he said. “I ask only that you consider who among our friends would be least likely to gossip.”

She thought about it, her lip caught between her teeth in an all too attractive manner. “I think that leaves Cullen,” she said and laughed. “A secret it is, then, for now.” She tilted her head at him, letting her eyes wander over his face, heat pooling in her gaze. “It could be fun.”

He cleared his throat, ignoring the suggestive quality in her voice. “I apologize. We should have discussed this sooner.”

“Would have been nice,” she said. “But you kind of ran away yesterday.” She graced him with a smile, promising she took no offense.

“Ah. Yes.” He blushed. “I was embarrassed. I hadn’t meant to say that—“

Her smile faded, hurt flashing in her eyes.

“Fenhedis! No, Riallan, I meant the words, but you must admit the timing was…”

“Fast?”

“Incredibly,” he admitted. “Telling you yesterday was impulsive, ridiculous, and utterly unplanned. But it was true.”

“It really has been a long time, hasn’t it?” She was teasing him and it helped set him at ease.

“Yes,” he said. “I am liable to continue blundering through this.” He raised her hand to press his lips to her knuckles. “I hope you’ll forgive me.”

Emerald eyes watched his lips as he kissed her hand, as he spoke. She licked her lips. “Consider it forgotten.”

“Ar lath ma, Riallan.”

Her smile returned, but it was shy. “What if I can’t say those words back just yet?”

“Then you would be the reasonable one in this relationship.” He shook his head. “Take your time, vhenan. I would much rather your love come naturally than be forced by my foolish confession.”

The smile she gave him then was true and bright. “In that case,” she said as she stood from the sofa and stretched. “You have to stop calling me by my full name. No one in my family calls me by it.”

His eyes flashed over her face, noting the playful tilt to her lips, the bright mirth in her green eyes. “What shall I call you then?”

“I rather like vhenan,” she said. “But it’s hardly subtle. My clan calls me Ria, except Deshanna when she’s mad at me.” She shook her head. “Every time I hear Riallan I think I must be in trouble!”

A part of him tucked that knowledge away for another time, but for now he smiled. “Then, goodnight, Ria.” He liked the sound of her nickname on his lips. Short and sweet, and intimate. It suited her. Suited them.

She made to leave the rotunda, but paused by the door. “Will I see you tonight?” Her cheeks went so slightly pink, and the hope in her voice sent a heat through his veins.

“Ma nuvenin, vhenan.”

Then she stepped away and into the dark of the main hall to climb the stairs and fall asleep in her too large bed. Waiting to dream with him. And if her heated looks and eager kisses were any indication, he knew what would be on her mind.

With her nickname bouncing around his head, he couldn’t think of a reason why to deny her.

[prettywordsyouleft]

To Love You (Destined Sequel)

Summary: Jinyoung never wanted to meet his soulmate. He was determined to avoid the pull of your connection with him, but what he wasn’t ready for was just how much you would affect his life.

Characters: Park Jinyoung x reader (with cameos from Jaebum and Jackson)

Genre: soulmate au / angst / romance

Warnings: a lot of angsty inner dialogue, cursing, hard family life

A/N: This is the sequel to Destined and if you haven’t read it, then I highly recommend it as some of the original content is omitted from here for Jinyoung’s internal dialogue instead. A lot of you who read Destined wanted to know why Jinyoung was the way he was, and naturally Jinyoung is complex in his feelings. I hope you can appreciate this fiction! (Yes, I am nervous about this sequel not meeting the expectations of Destined readers).

This ended up being a mini-series. The links are just below to the other stories.

Series Index: Destined // To Love You // Forever [M]

Word count: 9728

He never wanted a soulmate.

Which, given everyone had one waiting out there somewhere in the world, was a bit peculiar. But Park Jinyoung hoped to never meet his. He had seen first-hand the joy that came with loving someone so much that there was no one else in this world who could make you feel more alive. He watched as that love became their destruction too. There was nothing he or his parents could do to stop his sister, who was full of promise for a successful life, turn to lying, stealing and cheating for the man she was destined for. Instead of following the road to greatness, she was dragged into the shadows, into a world of filth, greed and destruction. All because her soul couldn’t give up the man she loved. Jinyoung despised how someone could forget everything they stood for all because of a puzzle piece inside them fitting perfectly with another. Even if that person was dangerously crooked.

He decided from the early age when his family was torn apart and filled with anguish that he wouldn’t succumb to some predetermined fate. He would have full control over his own future and live how he wanted to. He didn’t care if his soulmate was nothing like his sister’s; he had no interest in allowing someone else dictate how he lived. He had survived so far without one and he knew he would be able to continue to do so without needing anyone at his side.

By the time he was in high school, Jinyoung had calculated the best steps forward. He had chosen a career in medicine, knowing it was one of the most taxing and time-consuming professions to undertake. He had always dreamed of teaching a class full of children and seeing them grasp onto the early wonders of life until the darkness that overturned his family shattered that image. Jinyoung knew teaching would be dangerous, it would be too easy to live a life where he could go to work and teach the next generation before returning home each evening to the sweet embrace of marriage, children and a home. He needed something that wasn’t consistent and more demanding. And so becoming a doctor became his sole focus.

He hadn’t been the best at science but he pushed himself away from the literary arts and into the calculated and factual world of medicine. He crammed until exhaustion would barely carry him into another day, and until his head hurt from encompassing knowledge about the human body. Soon, he was invested in learning all about how humans worked and was fascinated by the wonder coming from within. It hadn’t been easy, but he graduated from high school with a scholarship for medical school. And there he endured countless hours more of sleep deprivation whilst steadying a continued thirst for further knowledge. Jinyoung soon was top of his class and he admitted he liked being there. It meant everyone looked up to him and was never able to get too close. He would help them if he had to but only ever at arm’s length. He knew scientifically how humans interacted with others, yet he soon fell out of touch with them emotionally.

Jinyoung couldn’t risk falling for the charms of anyone in case a soulmate came along and tried to destroy everything he had worked hard for.

He had only hoped to become a doctor but now that he was one, he wanted to be the best in his field. It didn’t take him long to become a favourite of his department, adored by new and senior staff alike. He was pleasant and efficient, and his knowledge outweighed even some of the residents that had been working at the hospital longer than he had.

There was still a part of him, perhaps because he was curious by nature, that wanted to understand the complexity of being someone’s soulmate. Whenever he had spare time in between shifts or on days off, he would study further into the subject. Jinyoung figured, the more knowledge he had on soulmates, the better prepared he’d be for if and when his own tried to make an appearance. He soaked up anything from official textbooks to case-studies and even watched videos online of soulmates meeting for the first time to get a better understanding. He knew everything in theory, from how it would feel physically to one’s body when they first crossed paths, to the sensations they would feel when apart for too long. What fascinated him further was the psychological change for each individual, and how someone they never knew existed soon became all they existed for. No matter how many accounts he read, he couldn’t fathom allowing someone else in this world to change how he felt. He refused to believe there was no way to control yourself and avoid your soulmate. He searched far and wide for documented proof of someone doing just that, and he never found anything.

Surely, he couldn’t be the only person on Earth who wanted nothing to do with his soulmate. He was certain others would want to remain individual as he did. And every time he got close, finding tales of someone proclaiming they would remain single and avoid the predetermined factor of another soul matching them, he would dig deeper and find them happily married with three kids. It frustrated Jinyoung entirely.

Jinyoung was determined that no soulmate would ever change how he was.

And then he met you.

“Doctor Park, will you be leading the interns’ examinations today?”

He glanced at the nurse and smiled politely. Another shunted her, chastising the way she was now grinning up at him, hopeful. “Of course, he will be! He hasn’t become the star of our department for no reason.”

“Will you need our assistance then?”

“I will,” he told her, smiling again. She bit at her lip in gaining his approval and set herself up at his side immediately. It used to bother him when they did this but over the past six months after finishing his residency and becoming an attending doctor of the department, Jinyoung had grown accustomed to the staff wanting to be a part of his rounds. He initially believed it was because he was competent and gave clear instructions in stressful situations. He was calm within surgeries and offered insight to struggling interns where suitable. But Jinyoung wasn’t blind either. He knew the lack of a ring on his finger played greatly into the attention he garnered from some staff. He found it easier to politely accept their attention at work and reject any offers that went further than being professional. He had gained the fitting nickname of Doctor Ice Prince because he was never prepared to let anyone in too far. Even when he found himself at his loneliest points in life, he would never turn to others within the hospital for more than comradeship.

“Well, here come the newest interns, fresh off the campus and right into your team, Doctor Park,” Misun, a senior nurse of the department mentioned from her desk nearby and he grinned. There were six new faces in total and he eyed them all as they approached him. He would need to encourage the two who were all but visibly shaking with nerves and educate the three who were exuding too much confidence. He smiled at the young man in amongst them all, neither scared nor confident and wondered if he would find a competent doctor within the intern to include in his surgical team.

Over the next hour, Jinyoung showed the students around the department and explained their role within his team from that day forth. He then took them on their first rounds of the ward they were in charge of, and was now explaining their next patient to examine and about her injuries.

“We will need to check her over for any new signs of improvements and order another-” He stopped then, blinking once as his mind clouded over. He then focused on his condition, wondering why his heart was now racing within his chest. He had never felt nervous on days like these before and it confused him for a moment. He shook it off a little and glanced at the tablet he held within his hand as if it would prompt him with the information he needed to continue. He drew a blank. “Sorry, where was I?”

“You were talking about Patient Oh, Doctor,” the nurse, who was still glued to his side, mentioned patiently and Jinyoung nodded immediately.

“Of course, Patient Oh was admitted after falling from a cliff face recently and was handed over to our team today now that she is out of intensive care. She has suffered some internal bleeding to her brain and will require an MRI scan to see how she’s doing.”

No one responded to him and he looked back at them, perplexed. Their own expressions showed a similar emotion and he tried to understand why there was a miscommunication. His brows furrowed together. “Is that understood?”

One of the interns raised her hand tentatively. “Don’t you mean a CT scan, Doctor?”

“Yes, that is what I said, wasn’t it?” He blinked several more times when he felt a sweat break out upon his skin. He was rarely sick and he inwardly cursed himself for falling prey to illness in the midst of something so important.

And then he stopped breathing altogether, hearing footsteps coming towards him.

Jinyoung suddenly knew what this all meant. And even after all the years of preparation, he couldn’t help but feel anxious with everything he was experiencing. He whipped around and attempted to walk in the opposite direction, his team following him in confusion for only a few steps. He glanced around himself and chided his immediate response to flee. He had deep down waited for this opportunity to face adversity and now that his soulmate was fast approaching, he knew he had to deal with it. The sooner he saw you, the quicker he could dismiss your place in his world and get on with his work.

He chuckled. “I think I must have eaten the wrong thing for breakfast this morning and lost my thought process there for a moment.”

Thankfully everyone chuckled in good humour at his admission and he sucked in a deep breath to steady himself. He knew you were going to round the corner any moment now and he wanted to look an image of composed and unaffected.

When Jinyoung saw you though, he was completely overwhelmed. He tried to keep his eyes off yours, allowing his gaze to only travel over your lower half as you stopped suddenly across the hallway. He didn’t want to look up although everything inside him convinced him otherwise, and in a final attempt to avoid looking at you, he reached for the patient’s chart the nurse held and tried to scan it intently.

You soon moved closer and he had to look at you, just once. It was strange to stare at you and find you captivating when had you not been his soulmate, he wouldn’t have looked at you more than once. It wasn’t that you weren’t beautiful, your sweet appearance drew him in instantly, but he had seen many people just like you before and it never fazed him. Right now, he couldn’t think of anything other than how much he wanted to talk to you. The urge annoyed him greatly and he took a deep breath, turning back to his team and pointed at the closest intern.

“What scan do we need to get done on Patient Oh?”

“A CT scan, Doctor.”

“Excellent, that will be what you are in charge of organising today,” he instructed and the man nodded once. It made Jinyoung feel slightly back in control and he started giving further instructions to the team, attempting to watch you out of the corner of his eye at the same time.

You seemed to be in awe by him and he felt irrationally proud of the reaction for a second. And then he realised what he was doing and squared off his shoulders, angling his body away from you in hopes you would depart so he could remove the clouded haze within his mind and return back to his work. It seemed you took the hint, dejectedly giving him a final look as you marched on by.

Jinyoung took a deep breath as he listened to your retreating steps, his heart lurching after you before being controlled again and he was able to focus back on the task at hand.

Jinyoung smiled to himself. He had won the first battle against the magnetic spell you held over him.

Jinyoung wasn’t naïve to believe the first encounter with you would be his last. He had read countless accounts of soulmates being filled with an incessant need to approach the other and he wasn’t immune to this. All night long after his shift, he had struggled to get you off his brain. With nothing to occupy his thoughts and sleep not invading him as he hoped it would, you were all he saw when he closed his eyes and the stream of questions he now had over who you were kept him awake for most of the night. He was used to exhaustion due to his job but when he arrived at the hospital the next day, he felt unnecessarily tired. It was a different kind of exhaustion and he wasn’t used to the feeling of being worn down by so many unanswered questions. He cursed being someone who sought answers for everything within his life.

Jinyoung had been reviewing patient files much later into the day in his office when he felt the hairs stick up on the back of his neck and the racing of his heart. He stopped, waiting to confirm the feeling with something more obvious but he knew you had to be back in the hospital. He pulled out a card he had prepared earlier in case he met with you again today and rushed out of his office, listening to your steps and following them until you came into sight. It made him rock back on his heels at seeing you again, and since you were much closer this time he immediately felt awkward.

He had no issues in talking with people from all walks of life yet with you he felt juvenile, like a teenager who had his first crush. Jinyoung closed his eyes to settle the notion; after all, you were technically his first chance at liking anyone.

“Hello,” he managed, trying not to get caught up in your gaze. Your eyes were already his favourite part to you and he purposely looked above you, attempting to treat this as a professional conversation. If he could instruct a team full of interns and nurses, he could easily talk with you, right?

“Uh, hello.”

From his investigations, he knew becoming familiar on a first name basis with your soulmate would evoke further desire from proclaiming their name into existence. He didn’t want that for either of you and instead addressed the real need he had in finding you. He wanted to take you out for a meal to tell you why he didn’t believe in soulmates and simmer down any hopes you had in this being the relationship’s beginning. A small part of him had thought now at the age of twenty-nine that he would have avoided you for good. He had hoped you hadn’t existed at all. It would have been far easier than it was standing across from you now and feeling many physical needs to get much closer than he already was to you.

He was so wrapped up in battling with these urges that when his name fell from your lips he froze entirely. His name echoed over in his mind with the way you had said it, and he felt all his airways suddenly cease to work properly. He looked at you like a deer in headlights and you yourself narrowed your focus on his reaction. It annoyed him, had you no idea what kind of weight you had just thrown on top of him? He felt crushed by the repetition of your sweet voice within his head and it took all of Jinyoung’s strength to break free from it.

His name wasn’t uncommon and he had heard it countless times. But he hoped to never hear it from you again, even if it made his heart thump against the restriction in his chest in a way that sung out for you to say it to him over and over.

He knew he had to escape you, especially when you seemed pleased to see signs of his struggle. You had to know what you had done then and it made him angry, spitting out a few words before hastily retreating back to his office. Once inside the enclosed space, he leaned against the door and sucked in some deep breaths to steady himself, shaking his head slowly at how affected he was.

Today the connection with you had won.

He had almost cancelled dinner with you several times. He knew it would be the most logical way to discuss your connection, but the longer he thought about it, Jinyoung grew more concerned. Just how much damage could such a meeting cause? He was still struggling with your voice on repeat in his brain and work had been harder than it should’ve been to concentrate on. If this was the affect you would have on him from just two brief moments in time, how would an entire meal serve him?

Jinyoung didn’t want to admit he was scared. His usual collected composure was impossible to keep in check with all the fantasies he had in the last twenty-four hours of you. During his teenage years, he had only one focus and dating had never crossed his mind. Was he making up for lost time with all these delicious images? They equally repulsed him though; he couldn’t understand why he was so worked up over you. Jinyoung was sick of it all and wished to go back to how things were before he met you, and that was the only thing that fuelled him on to meet you at the restaurant.

The maître d mentioned his guest was already waiting in the private room and he followed her down the hallway to the sliding door that kept you out of sight. Taking a steadying breath, Jinyoung thanked her and stepped inside. When he caught your gaze, he immediately felt like he was sinking again. It was hard to accept the immediate build of desire he felt for you and he sat down across from you awkwardly. He already wanted to escape this situation, and Jinyoung grew frustrated with his cowardly approach, taking another heavy breath to settle some of his nerves.

He thanked you for coming as simply as he could, avoiding your gaze and looking for something to occupy him. Jinyoung could tell you were offended by his lack of pleasantries and for some reason, he liked this, he felt like he could use that emotion as leverage in this otherwise difficult situation.

“Shall we choose something to eat?” he finally asked, knowing if he stalled he would lose his ability to even talk to you. It was strange, he had never wanted to talk to his soulmate but now he was here, he wanted to hear everything you had to say. Was it the way your voice had haunted him since yesterday? Did he have some kind of need to continue hearing even simple words fall from your luscious lips? Just looking at your mouth made him uncomfortable with the inner thoughts he was experiencing and he reached forward for a menu hastily, needing something to occupy his mind.

When you grabbed the other end though, it stunned him. Yesterday when he had passed you his card he hadn’t felt like this, maybe because he had been so desperate for the situation to be over and done with. Tonight, in this private setting and with you looking gorgeous in your navy dress however, he was affected by even the slight differences in your breathing. It made sense the object you held now felt alive between you and sent a jolt through his arm as if you had touched him yourself. He wanted to drop the menu and grab your hand instead. Blinking rapidly at this new desire, he let go of the connection you had and busied himself with reaching for the second menu.

A small gasp left you then and he swallowed heavily, thrusting the menu up in front of his face and started an internal pep-talk to pull himself together. He felt pathetic; all his proclamations over the years were now feeble in front of you. It was a lot harder to resist temptation than he ever thought it would be.

For a short moment, as he scanned the menu, he felt misplaced guilt for all the anger he had carried around for his sister and her actions years ago. If he felt like this over you, well, he could understand why his sister couldn’t turn away the criminal she loved from first sight. He knew your gaze was on him in that moment and when he looked up, he felt a pang of sadness. You couldn’t help the urge to want to know more about him either. He sighed; being someone’s soulmate was far too complicated.

“Have you found something?” he asked, looking away but softening his gaze all the same. You could enjoy a meal together; he owed you that at the very least. “Shall I order for the both of us?”

You nodded and he felt dejected, you still hadn’t spoken yet. Was this punishment for his attitude towards you so far? Jinyoung pressed the button on the table for service and ordered the meal, looking over at you hesitantly when you were alone again. Your eyes avoided Jinyoung’s now and he stared at you for some time, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. He could tell you were someone he could easily fall in love with and for a moment, he allowed those notions to overwhelm him.

But Jinyoung didn’t want to fall in love with anyone and grew annoyed at getting swept up in the juvenile feelings again. He thought back to his sister and scowled. You looked perfectly fine, and so had the man she loved. He knew nothing about you and entertaining romantic notions was unacceptable. He was thankful for the arrival of your meal and began to eat, focusing on cutting each part of his food with precision.

And then you called out his name. “Jinyoung?”

The only response was the clatter of his fork from his hand as the intensity of your voice swelled his mind. He was drowning in the immense pleasure his name now gave him. It took too much energy to restrain his thoughts but he soon reached for his fork. Jinyoung gripped at the utensil and composed himself. “Yes?”

“I’d appreciate if we just got to the reason to this meeting. Dinner is very nice and all but with no conversation, it just makes us strangers.”

“Isn’t that what we are?” he replied instantly, groaning internally at how immature the statement was. He knew better than that, even if you had been strangers until two days ago. Your eyes were hard and he knew he couldn’t avoid it anymore. He had the desire to know your name, the one he had previously refused to speak into existence. You had said his name twice now and you hadn’t once felt what he had. It urged him to ask for it and you offered your name immediately. It was as beautiful as you were and he felt joy with hearing your name next to his in his mind. He uttered it without any regard, too lost in how giddy it made him feel to hear it.

But when he glanced at you, he could see visibly what he had felt himself. You looked lost, your hands gripping at your own utensils so hard that your knuckles were white. He smiled then, satisfied that you had at least suffered now as he had. Though he was genuine too, he liked that you knew how your name felt to him. He wondered if you were enjoying the sensation of your names intertwining together and he watched you struggle to surface from the emotions now overwhelming you. It then dawned on Jinyoung what he had done and how he hadn’t wanted this. He had gotten caught up in the moment again.

Placing down his utensils, you blinked out of your stupor and he sighed. “Shall I be blunt with you, Y/N?”

He hadn’t realised your name had fallen from his lips so easily until it had and he watched your eyes flicker with exasperation. “Of course, Jinyoung.”

He deserved that.

All the same, he took another breath before continuing. “I don’t believe in the whole soulmate expectancy on life. I know it exists, I know you exist. But I had been hoping that I wouldn’t ever meet you.”

Your processing of his statement hurt him more than he expected it to. There was instant anguish in your eyes and he wished he could take it back, to remove the despair you were openly showing. He was surprised by how much he had hurt you, and further, how much it bothered him that he had. You recovered, guarding your eyes so he couldn’t see your emotions as well anymore.

“If it makes you feel more at ease, I had hoped to become a minority.”

“You what?” he breathed, amazed that you could want the same as he. Why though, did it upset him to hear that? He had openly dismissed your connection and now that you were doing it back, he didn’t like it one bit. It confused him and you seemed to gain the upper hand in that moment. You told him that you believed in soulmates but you assumed there was some mistake. He wasn’t following you entirely and you grew more vindictive out of your pain.

“After all, you just so easily dismissed my existence. You hoped to never meet me? Well, I hoped to marry my best friend. We don’t get what we want though, Park Jinyoung. Life is destined before we get a choice. And in this lifetime I was ill-fated to be matched with you.”

“Ill-fated?!” he exclaimed, insulted that you could say such a thing. That was what his sister had faced. He was capable and successful; there was nothing that would make him a mistake in your life. And who was this best friend? He felt dizzy, annoyed and worked up over something that had he allowed clarity into, would be a perfect way to escape his destiny with you. But he wasn’t thinking straight and he felt the need to further explain himself, yet you gave him no way in, glaring at him as you accused him of making more excuses.

In that moment, he was highly attracted to you. Your frustrations had made you flushed from your anger and it made his heart beat out of rhythm. He smiled. “You’re feisty. It’s a change from the meek Y/N of before.”

“I’d appreciate if you didn’t say my name from here out, considering how we’re strangers,” you continued and he had to bite back his laughter at how adorable you were. Why was he like this? Just moments ago he was offended, and before that, upset by this situation. Jinyoung felt as if he was experiencing whiplash from all the emotions tugging him back and forth and needed to draw a decisive line, to control them again as he had his whole life. These new emotions were far too draining on his mental health. He nodded slowly, realising he only had now to establish any chance of avoiding your connection. You were already shut off behind a wall that he had helped start building, though he was certain he was capable enough of pulling it down if he wanted to reach out for you. And he did. He wanted to make you his forever.

But his pride was too outspoken and his normal childhood years that were robbed from him by this pride and incessant need to do the opposite of his sister was still there. He couldn’t ignore it and before he realised it, he had delivered the words he had wanted to from the beginning. He was dedicated to the hospital and his career, not to you.

You accepted his decision with ease, getting up and thrusting your hand out at him. It felt like a trap, he knew if he touched you that he’d regret it. Jinyoung knew as soon as he walked away from this evening he was going to regret it anyway and was compelled by your reckless offering. He grabbed your hand instantly, barely focusing on the last words you said to him with your forced smile.

“May we never meet again.”

You left then and he sat there, knowing no one was going to win from this outcome.

Jinyoung didn’t want to admit life without you was harder than he imagined it would be. At first, he threw all of his focus into his work, staying back late and picking up extra shifts to distract him from the ache within his chest. It worked as an immediate remedy but over time he was still struggling without you. Whoever it was that you were visiting the hospital for had obviously been discharged soon after your final meeting. Or you had chosen that it wasn’t vital to visit anymore. He soon gave up waiting to hear the unique sounds of your steps coming towards him.

After a year, Jinyoung hit an all time low. His family had finally heard from his sister and initially, it was a relief to know she was still alive and not in jail as they had feared for her. When he received a message that she was at the family home, he had left the hospital in a rush, driving all the way to the house to see her with his own eyes. It was as if he was looking at a stranger. Whilst she bore a similar resemblance to his mother, she was a ghost of the vibrant teenager she had been the last time he saw her. And attached to her leg was a tiny child that looked very much so like that man. He couldn’t control his anger and tried to make her leave since she had done such a good job of that years ago.

And she planned to do it again too.

“I don’t want him to live my life,” she begged, crying as she pried his toddler fingers away from her. “I need him to grow up some place safe.”

“You should have thought about that when you created him!” Jinyoung shot back even though he was defeated. Her eyes were desperate as she grasped onto his lower arm, his parents picking up her son and welcoming him in without further argument. They hadn’t been able to save her, but he knew they would do everything to make sure their grandson grew up safe. Jinyoung closed his eyes as he shook with his emotions.

“Don’t live like me Jinyoung, don’t do anything you’d regret,” she advised before she walked out of their lives again, leaving everyone grieving after her a second time.

He hated her for those words. They enticed him day and night, and he brooded over what they meant. Jinyoung had lived his life by the book. He had a successful career, his own home and car, he was set for life. How dare his sister insinuate he had something in life to regret? Jinyoung had been a model teenager and at age thirty he was now feeling rebellious. They said it came easy to those who were still without a soulmate, minorities often turned to things in their life they hadn’t experienced before since they had kept their slate clean for any potential soulmate. And even though Jinyoung had you, he didn’t have you now. He needed to test the advice his sister had given him, just how much could he regret in life?

A fellow doctor in his department, Jackson Wang, invited him out to celebrate his birthday and for the first time, Jinyoung actually agreed to go. He knew the man was a minority and the strip club was his first place to visit on his special day after work. Jinyoung found himself fascinated that there was a need for such a place, downing a couple of shots and letting the festivities excite him for some reason. Never had Jinyoung been in such a situation and he felt free from his usual structured life. Jackson noticed this and encouraged him out more often, and each time Jinyoung let the stress of his work life go when he was in the company of Jackson and his friends. Soon, he realised he had ignored making friends for too long and he was greedy for more experiences, wrapped up in the cheers of his new friends to do more with his life.

He was more than a doctor and he’d prove that.

But whenever they mentioned he should look for a minority woman of his own, Jinyoung was hesitant. He hadn’t told anyone he’d met you and technically he wasn’t a minority at all. Just the idea of being close to another woman made his skin crawl. He was used to the endless sensations in his hand from touching you almost two years ago now. He liked that feeling and he hated the idea of others tainting that. But too many drinks later he eventually found himself in the lap of a woman who looked just like you.

In his intoxicated state, he wondered if it was actually you. He squinted up, his glasses missing from his face now that the alcohol had overtaken him. He wasn’t a composed doctor here and needing his glasses seemed silly. All the same, he asked if she knew him and she giggled, placing a hand on his chest and trailing it down. She said she wanted to know more of him and Jinyoung was excited. Did you really want to know more about him too? He had wanted to give you all of him back then. But he had been a coward. Now though, Jinyoung wanted nothing more than to have all of you.

The woman accepted his embrace, giggling often and he smiled lazily against her. He had never heard you laugh and he wondered if it was really this high. His skin pulsated as his face was moved up to hers and he blinked a few times, realising it wasn’t you at all. You weren’t anything like the woman that held him now. He struggled against her with his weakened limbs, the alcohol making him clumsier than usual. And then she smiled warmly, telling him it would be alright. That she would make him feel better. Would she? Would she take away all the pain he felt? When her lips found his, he knew she wouldn’t, but he kissed her back bitterly.

Nothing but you would make him right again.

It was three years on from his rebellion yet Jinyoung still felt like there was something missing in his life. He had a couple of career advancements and had finally found a group of friends that suited who he was. He often helped his parents out with Jindae, his nephew, and he actually liked being an uncle. Jinyoung had new hobbies he did when he wasn’t at the hospital and he even joined a gym.

But none of them fulfilled him. He craved what he thought he never wanted. A family with you.

It wasn’t as if he wasn’t proactive in his search for you. He had tried to find you. But with not even a last name to go by, he had struggled. Jinyoung wondered if you had moved on, moved away from here and made it even harder for him to rediscover you. Perhaps it was much too late for him, he didn’t know. He continued with his soulmate studies, especially on nights where his hand tingled for hours on end. He would often smile down at that connection, hoping that it meant you were out there thinking of him. Even though he had been a jerk the last time you had seen him, he was hopeful for another chance.

“Are you paying attention, Park?” his friend Jaebum asked as the squash ball flew passed him and he blinked out of his thoughts, retrieving the ball to hit it again. They lobbied it back and forth against the wall when suddenly his hand started to ache. It happened now and then with the other sensations he got but it felt worse for some reason today. Jinyoung gripped at the racquet in attempts to ignore the pain but it was no use, it was forever present even when their indoor squash session was over.

“Are you thinking of her again?” his friend asked as they got changed out of their active clothes and Jinyoung looked over at Jaebum. The man looked concerned. “I’ve searched as much as I can through our systems at the station. Are you sure she wasn’t a ghost?”

Admittedly, Jinyoung would have preferred that. Then you would visit him and he would be able to do more than just talk to himself in his home when he was desperate to tell you things. It had been a way to deal with the ache in his chest, although he hadn’t gone as far as telling the police officer that much.

Jaebum sighed. “Do you want me to do another look for Y/N?”

“Maybe it’s for the best, she’s probably found some minority and-”

“That’s not what your heart wants though,” Jaebum cut in, slinging an arm around his shoulders. “You want to hear her again, to see her and tell her how sorry you were for back then. Don’t give up. It took me years to find Kat again but it was worth it. I’m not buying your defeatist attitude at all.”

“Another topic?” Jinyoung suggested and with a roll of his eyes, Jaebum grinned.

“Lunch?”

“Your shout?”

Jaebum jumped on him playfully. “It should be your shout Doctor; my poor Constable salary is looking a bit empty!”

“Fine, fine,” Jinyoung agreed, going over to his car to put away his equipment bag. And then he was overwhelmed with a sense of dread, gripping onto the back door longer than necessary.

“You okay?”

Jinyoung looked up at Jaebum, puzzled. “I think so. I just feel like something bad is going to happen.”

“Huh. Your ghost is now helping you with premonitions too?” Although it sounded like a joke, Jaebum was too serious for it to reach Jinyoung like one. They stared at each other for a moment and then Jinyoung sighed.

“Rain-check?”

Jaebum nodded. “Let me know if anything comes from this.”

Once in his car, Jinyoung drove around mindlessly. He didn’t know what he was meant to be doing but he felt like he was needed somewhere, that someone needed him. It was at a set of lights when he heard a scream inside his head. At first, he thought his brain was conjuring something just to have an answer for the state he was in. But the ache in his arm increased and urgency took over, Jinyoung swinging the car around in the opposite direction.

He drove to the hospital, running into the building and darted around frantically. He worked here and knew these halls off by heart and yet it seemed to take him too long to make it to the Emergency Department, heaving in a deep breath as he scanned the rows of beds. Why was he looking for you? He hoped that he wouldn’t find you here at the same time that he begged for you to appear in front of him too. When he rounded the corner, he knew you were there with how his body reacted and pushed forward; following the feeling within him until he ran into the cubicle you laid within.

His eyes caught yours briefly before he turned to the nurse questioning his appearance on his day off, demanding she gave him the information he needed. He was panicking. The idea that you were before him sent relief all throughout his system temporarily, but hospitals weren’t a place he’d wish any of his loved ones to end up. Were you badly hurt or sick? Jinyoung read the current prognosis was a broken leg and concussion. Without thinking, he went into work mode, ensuring everything that could be done was done. You needed his proficiency and he had been a doctor for too long to let you down in your treatment.

As he was ordering the nurse to get you booked in for a cast, your hand grabbed at his arm, and Jinyoung snapped his focus to yours. You looked so fragile, so little within the bed with your eyes wide like that. It hurt him more than he thought it would. Anyone else who came in with a broken leg wouldn’t have even bothered him. But it was you and he had failed to keep you safe.

Jinyoung didn’t deserve your need for him in that moment, and he slipped away from you, focusing on what he could do best for you.

It took him some time within his office to calm down. You were safe, and he had ensured you would be admitted after your cast was on. But he couldn’t shake this feeling of letting you down. What had happened to you? Could he have prevented it if he was in your world before today? He cursed his younger self for the umpteenth time before answering his phone. You had been admitted.

He decided he would visit you in your room. It wasn’t the right time to be apologising; it wouldn’t seem as sincere as he wanted it to be. With you on heavy medication and the stress of your injury, the last thing you needed was your soulmate confessing to all his sins.

Jinyoung opted to give you company instead.

You stared up at his arrival and he stood there, allowing you the moment to look at him. He did the same thing back, soaking in all the ways you had changed over the last five years. It was hard not to judge your appearance right now, considering you were the sick one. He knew you were lacking in nutrients from the blood test he had requested, and that was evident with the pallor of your skin. Had you fainted? Had something else happened? Jinyoung needed answers and approached you lying in the bed, asking how you felt.

You scoffed at his concern. “How would you feel with a broken leg and an aching body?”

He couldn’t help but smile. “I see you’re still sassy.”

“Only when it comes to you.”

He grew silent, knowing his appearance bothered you. But the longer he stayed; he could tell you were relaxing in his company. It gave him hope that you wanted him there. Questions plagued him and he tried to make sense of the situation. He asked you how it happened and you were instantly confused when he mentioned what he had experienced. For someone who had told him how badly you wanted to meet your soulmate, you seemed to have little information on how the connection actually worked.

Perhaps he had too much knowledge and most people were surprised when things like this happened. All the same, he felt overwhelmed with how connected he was to you after all this time. He confirmed you felt the tingling sensation in your hand, and he realised it was because of that you had been distracted and hurt yourself. He didn’t want to let it inflate him too much but knowing he had been on your mind today excited him as much as your immature response to him did.

Having you injured also hurt him. He looked at you lying in the bed in poor taste. “I never gave you permission to do this to me. Why would you hurt yourself like this?”

“I’m so sorry for the inconvenience.” Your tongue was venomous, but your eyes showed desperation. Even as you tried to tell him to leave, he played around with you, trying to evoke more emotion from you. He wanted to see if you really wanted him to go and your excuses were weak. He grinned. Jinyoung knew there was no true protest within you.

After establishing you were unable to sleep due to your concussion, he asked you to tell him about yourself. Jinyoung waited with bated breath, hoping you would tell him something, anything. Surprisingly, you didn’t struggle to tell him everything. In fact, the longer you talked, the happier you became. You laughed at memories you shared and you genuinely anticipated his own reactions too.

When you asked him about his own history, he was careful. He wanted to tell you everything, and in some ways he did. He mentioned he had a hard upbringing due to a tragedy in the family, and how he had trained to be a doctor. You were fascinated by his world much like he had been of yours, and one day he hoped to tell you all the things he omitted. Today wasn’t the day though, and when he noticed how tired you were, he knew it was time to let you sleep. Jinyoung wasn’t going to let you go so easily this time and he knew you couldn’t leave the hospital until he signed the discharge forms. Further, he had all your personal information now. Jinyoung felt equipped to leave you to rest, even though he knew it would be a struggle for him to be away from you.

You seemed to dread his departure as well. “Is this going to be a dream? When I wake up tomorrow, will you be gone again?”

“I thought you wanted me to leave?” he teased lightly, smiling at how vulnerable you appeared. You were reaching out to him with your eyes and he chuckled with how happy it made him. “I have work tomorrow, so I’ll definitely be here.”

“Yes, but I meant-”

“I know what you mean, Y/N,” he told you, unable to hold back from tousling your hair affectionately. Your reaction fuelled him on and Jinyoung stared at you for a moment before leaning down, brushing his lips over your forehead. “I’ll be here.”

And he knew he would be from here on out.

Bringing you home was a treat he had looked forward to since he has signed your discharge papers. He had taken the time off to drive you home and even though he knew where you lived, he had fun teasing you about checking the files openly when you tried to refuse his hospitality.

Once at your apartment, you seemed impatient to get away from him. He knew you didn’t want him to leave you, the nurses had told him throughout the day that you had mentioned him in conversation more than once. All the same, your anxious reaction caused the warmth in his heart to damper. He knew he had to push a little harder.

As you hobbled inside the apartment, you turned to farewell him but Jinyoung moved around you, using the crutches you were hobbling on to his advantage and took in the state of your home. He had expected you to be different from him. Even as a child you sounded carefree, and your home now as an adult showed signs of your priorities. It made him smile in delight, noticing all your charms within your belongings.

You were embarrassed though and he couldn’t help but tease you about it. You cried out in horror when he noticed your dishes and went to clear them, following him as quickly as you could on your crutches, and losing your balance on the unevenness of the ground. Before you could steady yourself, Jinyoung was there, holding you up and staring at you wide-eyed.

Every inch of him felt on fire as he held you to him. The sensations he was used to were dull in comparison to how he felt right now. And when you looked up at him it became impossible to breathe. Sinful thoughts filled his mind and urged him to take you, to show you just how much he felt for you since the first time he met you. He ached to see all of you, emotionally and physically, and he felt as if he was swimming up-current, being crushed against a rock as he tried to escape his feelings.

He let you go, not because he wanted to but before he did anything that you might feel was too rushed. “Be more careful.”

You were just as affected as he was, struggling to come to terms with every minute feeling you had just felt. He could tell when you distantly mentioned about changing for bed and headed to your room that you were battling against those emotions as much as he was. Jinyoung smiled as he cleaned up your kitchen for you, and looked around your home. It wasn’t going to be easy for you to do simple tasks with how everything was arranged, and he deciphered the most obvious routes from your bedroom and bathroom doors to your living area, moving your sofa along so it would take fewer steps to get to the kitchen. He still wasn’t satisfied you would be okay to be on your own and eyed the sofa with high interest, wondering how comfortable it would be to set up camp there.

Jinyoung’s eyes then flickered to the door that hid you from him and he sighed, thinking about your bed. It was strange with how accepting he was with all these emotions. Never had he expected to be someone who would race ahead in a relationship. But this wasn’t just any relationship. His soul was begging for yours as much as he rationally was falling for you. And when he thought over the past five years, he realised he had been ready for this moment for a lot longer than just the few days he had been back in your company for.

Approaching the door, he knocked on it once and asked if you were done. You called out in farewell and he frowned, not understanding how you could do so without seeing him again. Opening the door, he asked what you meant and then came to a standstill at your appearance. You had only a large bed shirt on and nothing else. Were you trying to kill him?! Jinyoung eyed your legs hungrily, feeling the simmering urges from before overwhelm him again.

“Do you ever knock?!”

“I did,” he pointed at the door he vaguely was aware he held, his eyes still glued to your thighs. “I knocked.”

“You don’t just enter the room when someone starts talking though!”

“You were telling me to leave, how was I meant to know it was because you were scantily dressed?!” Just admitting what he saw out-loud made him heave in a breath. He tried to be modest about his gaze, not that you were helping any. It was impossible and he stared shamelessly at you as you groaned.

“Go home.”

“No.”

You told him you were fine, but Jinyoung wasn’t. He moved across the room, forgetting all about being mindful of your hesitance. All he could think about was the time he wasted. The two years where he let his pride win and the three where he couldn’t find you. It was all such a waste and before he could stop himself, he started confessing to his mistakes. “Why was I stupid to let you go back then?”

He was much closer to you now and it was evident you were warming to the idea of the lust enshrouding the bedroom. Your feeble attempt to warn him was shut down by the way your body leaned into his, and he offered you a chance to refute his advances, to tell him that being with him was the last thing you wanted. You merely gazed into Jinyoung’s eyes, sinking into them further and blindly reached out for him. Your desires had won and Jinyoung wasted no time in taking you in his arms, enjoying the heat emanating from within.

“I was a fool for not doing this five years ago when I wanted to,” he told you and leaned down to taste you for the first time and Jinyoung’s mind came undone as soon as you kissed him back. The fire became unbearable and his hands roamed and gripped at you as he equally attempted to rein in the passion bursting from deep within him. You were opening up to him further though, your caresses and demands of your hot mouth enticing further danger of combusting from the heat that overtook you both. The first kiss moved into a second, and then was followed by a third and forth before you both finally separated for much needed air. You stared up at Jinyoung in wonder, and he felt your heart transfer to him then, openly allowing him to have it, to have you.

It made him smile and rest his forehead against yours after pecking your swollen lips again. “I’m cursing you for breaking your leg right now even though it’s the reason we’re together like this.”

“Why?” He gave you a knowing look and you caught onto his desires as you gripped at him more tightly. “Oh.”

“And it’s going to take about eight more weeks until your cast is off too,” he muttered with a pout. He liked the attention you gave him and played up for you, your smile growing at his antics. “Why are you making me wait so long to make you mine?”

“Aren’t I already?” you offered and Jinyoung felt another wave of pure elation overwhelm him, his lips finding yours and kissing you until you whined from the pain in your leg. Jinyoung cringed lightly and he helped you sit down, as a doctor, he should have known that leg needed elevation. As he crouched down in front of you though, he struggled with the thoughts of laying you down in your bed and placed his hands on your thighs instead, grappling at some decency to not just lay you down beside him all the same. You removed them hastily as you darted your gaze around, your face flushed with a similar need. It made him grin watching you attempt to settle down your own thirst.

“In about five weeks you should be okay.”

“I can’t believe we’re scheduling this,” you said with a laugh and Jinyoung shrugged, moving his hands back to your lap.

“Don’t want to wait?”

“Three days ago you didn’t care if I existed or not.” He stared at you for a moment and shook his head. Is that how you had truly thought all these years? As he had desperately searched for you and dreamed of holding you in his arms every night, you were living here in your cluttered apartment telling yourself that you didn’t need him because he wasn’t thinking of you? He wasn’t something that could fit into your overflowing bookshelf, something you had shoved back there to forget about him over the years.

“I cared from the first moment I saw you. I just wanted to be the best doctor I could be and let my pride rule out what my heart wanted. You made it easy for me to do that too.”

“And now?”

“Now I want to complete you and live our lives together,” he answered truthfully and you smiled giddily at him. He noticed how uncomfortable you were perched on the bed and smiled smugly as he continued. “I can be a pretty good doctor on the side. Doctor’s orders, it’s time for you to put your leg up and rest.”

“Is the Doctor going off-duty now too?” He couldn’t help but kiss you softly again once he had you comfortably in your bed.

“I should go home unless you need me to stay.” You wrestled over what to say and he chuckled. “I’ll go home. Five weeks will be even harder if I allow myself to sleep at your side tonight.”

There was an unspoken complaint from both of you at his statement, and the empty space beside you in the bed called out to him. He teased you a little longer and you continued to whine for him, making his heart beat faster at the way you openly showed a need to rely on him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then. And every day after that too,” he promised after your final warning that he needed to leave before you both did something about the lust that was still brewing.

“Until when?”

He kissed you passionately, thinking over how much more there was to do with you. He had a lot to tell you, and even though there was your connection as soulmates, there was a lot to adapt to. He wanted you to move in with him, and he wanted to put a ring on your finger. Marriage was definitely something coming in the future after the endless hours of passion and catching up physically from the lost years. Then there was a chance to travel, to experience the world together. And more passion too. Jinyoung knew he’d never get enough of all of you and he’d only tasted just your lips. He looked you over after pulling away from your lips, trying to decipher just how much time all this would take. He smiled.

“Forever.”

________________

Next: Forever

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[imagineiero]

Grade A

teacher/student frerard fanfiction (smut warning) teacher!frank + student!gerard

Frank didn’t set out to become a teacher, in fact he’d spent the majority of his school career despising the very profession - the source of his unhappiness, along with relentless school bullies. He’d been intelligent enough to get a scholarship and spend a year or so studying in university before dropping out and pursuing his dream as a musician, that was how his life was supposed to be planned out - he’d imagined it since he was four years old and sat in a speak-easy watching his Grandfathers band play, music was his life - he was born to play, it was in his DNA.

The crash hadn’t been part of his premonition, he hadn’t expected his dream to turn into a nightmare and he definitely didn’t see such a tragedy signalling the end of his career. He’d lost his best friend that night, as well as band-mate and Frank just couldn’t see himself getting back up on stage without his right-hand man, maybe it was cowardly - or maybe Frank was just shaken into an easy life, one with minimal risk and hearts intact. His family, especially his Mother had been happy to hear of his decision - while they knew that music was his love, his everything - they had attended the funeral with broken hearts, only thankful that it wasn’t their son they were burying.

It had been six years now and Frank was turning thirty in the fall, he still played his guitar everyday - he couldn’t ever give up that part of him, it was like an extra limb - it was part of him, a piece of his heart. He’d obtained his teaching degree rather quickly, his partial university education helping him bypass some of the coursework - he was rather well known now in Jersey as someone who had the skills to tutor even the lowest performing student into an exam-worthy scholar.

Frank didn’t work in a school, couldn’t bring himself to set foot in the building he had wished to burn to the ground barely twelve years before. Instead he’d set himself up a private tutoring service from the comfort of his own home, he’d take on one student at a time with weekends at his leisure - it gave him the time to focus on his clients fully instead of going from one student to another and mixing up their school-work. He’d met a diverse range of people through his tutoring, he taught all ages - anyone from little Rosie Michaels who was a seven year old in special education to fifteen year old Johnny Byers who’d been kicked out of school for setting fire to a science lab.

All of his students flourished, maybe it was his style of teaching and laid back attitude that helped him connect with the younger students. Frank made a pact with himself not to become one of those boring old teachers who’d lost the love of their craft years before and instead took it out on those they taught. It was working out fine for him as the years went by and last year he’d even managed to win a community nominated award for services to children - he was achieving greatly, he felt like he’d found his path in life and things were going well.

Gerard was his latest student, he’d been tutoring him for three months now and the boy was improving thanks to Frank’s dedication. Gerard was 19, he’d been held back a few years in school due to lack of progression - his Mother said he’d been bullied badly, to the extent that he refused to attend school and as a result failed to graduate. Frank wasn’t sure what to expect until Gerard showed up on his doorstep on that first Monday morning.

To put it nicely, Gerard was a total sweetheart - He walked shyly into the large open-plan room that Frank had dubbed his classroom, his soft black hair framing his pale, pixie-like face. Gerard was feminine to say the least, in fact he was androgynous and downright beautiful - Frank couldn’t help but notice the sway of his hips and the way his eyes widened so innocently every time Frank spoke to him. To top it all off, Gerard was wearing a baby pink dress - his milky thighs peeking out between the midway hem and a pair of white thigh-highs, Frank’s throat dried up at the sight.

Over the coming weeks Gerard began to ease into student life, overcoming his initial shyness and becoming more comfortable with Frank. His teacher was having a less than easy life though, in all his years of teachers he had prided himself on the fact he had never been attracted to one of his students, and though Gerard was 19 and fully legal it still felt immoral and wrong, but he just couldn’t help himself. He wondered sometimes if Gerard could see the effect he was having on him, wondered if he knew that the way he sucked on his lower lip made Frank’s jeans tighten just a little - wondered if he could see the way Frank’s eyes trailed the length of his body as he entered the classroom each morning.

Frank decided that it wasn’t completely weird that he let Gerard into his thoughts when he touched himself at night, it was just imaginary after all - where was the harm? He couldn’t deny that the thoughts of Gerard with his soft cotton dresses, bitten-red lips and doe-eyes gave him the most intense orgasms he’d ever experienced. It both excited and pained him to spend so much time with Gerard, wishing that they had met under different circumstances because Gerard was definitely the type of boy Frank would ask on a date.

“Hey Sweetheart, did you get that homework finished for me?” Frank asked as he heard the faint patter of Gerard’s white slip-ons coming down the hallway.

They’d built up a routine now, Gerard would arrive at eight-thirty each morning and let himself in - Frank would be in the kitchen making breakfast for them both, making sure to pour Gerard a coffee to get him to wake up a little, the boy hated mornings almost as much as he hated Math class.

“Yes Sir” Gerard hummed, sliding into his chair at the table and getting out his English essay “Did you sleep well, Mr Iero?”

“You know you can call me by my first name, Gee” Frank reminded him as he did every day “I slept fine thank you, did you?”

“Okay Frankie” Gerard bit his lip, swinging his legs a bit as he watched Frank walk over with the coffee “I slept okay, had a bad dream but I went back to sleep for a bit.. that’s why I look messy today.. I overslept”

“You look fine-..” Frank frowned, placing the mug in front of him and turning back to retrieve a plate of pancakes “..-real pretty, I like your dress today”

“Thanks Frankie” Gerard blushed, sipping at his drink before waving his hand furiously in front of his mouth “Ouch-Ouch-Ouch!”

“Careful Gee, it’s hot” Frank mused, repeating the same words he used every morning when Gerard was too quick to drink his caffeine

They went through their morning routine as usual, sharing pancakes and coffee as Frank marked Gerard’s work and Gerard got started on his next task.

“You did well on this one” Frank praised, sliding the essay back over to Gerard who grinned happily “A few spelling mistakes but nothing too major, it’s a really great piece Gee - you’re really improving”

“Thanks to you, Sir” Gerard smiled, resting his chin on his hand as he blinked up at the older man

“Hey, you’re doing the hard work - I’m just helping a little” Frank replied modestly “Right, so shall we start reading the next chapter in our book? I want you to do a little mock test on it later on”

Gerard nodded excitedly, they’d been reading through their current book for a few days now and it was slowly becoming Gerard’s favourite read. It told the story of a young girl who wore pretty dresses and an innocent smile to seduce her older crush, Gerard couldn’t help but feel excited at the thought of trying out such a plan on his tutor. He’d seen the way Frank would stare at him when he thought he wasn’t looking, it had start off as innocent glances at first but the heat was rising between them and Gerard longed for the day when Frank would forget his morals and just take him.

They were curled up on the sofa now, Frank would always allow Gerard to get comfortable while he was reading to him - he tended to drift off and not concentrate otherwise, besides it made a difference to being cooped up in the classroom all day. Gerard would kick off his shoes and curl his legs up underneath him, leaning against the back of the sofa as he turned to face the older man who would read sonnets and plays and fiction with his smooth, velvety voice - unaware of the effect it had on his student.

“..-and so she put on her favourite colours, knowing the way her blush contrasted with the pink puff of her sleeves - before making her way to his study, praying he would be alone-..” Frank concentrated on the pages of the book, his thick-framed reading glasses making him look even cuter than Gerard had anticipated.

“Do you think that she was bad, Sir?” Gerard piped up, tilting his head to the side

“Bad?” Frank frowned, marking the page with his fingertip “Do you think she was bad, Gerard?”

“Well.. she’s trying to seduce him, but she’s much younger-.. isn’t that bad?”

“I guess-.. I guess in that kind of situation it would be the older man that’s wrong, Gerard” Frank tried to explain carefully “Because he’s the one who should know better.. it’s not right what she’s doing, no-.. but the older man should stop it before it goes ahead, he’s the adult in the situation”

“Because he’s older?”

“Yes and No-..” Frank licked his lips slightly “.. it’s not wrong because he’s older, it’s wrong because she’s still under-age.. and whether she consents or not, it’s not her decision - not really.. it’s statutory rape, however you look at it”

“What about if she was older?” Gerard reasoned “If-.. If she was the legal age but, but he was still older than her.. is that wrong?”

Frank ran his fingers through his hair, the situation hitting a little too close to home for his liking “I guess it’s how you look at it, I mean-.. I believe that two consenting, legal age people can be together but-.. but I guess it’s frowned upon a lot by people, it’s just perspective”

“I understand” Gerard nodded, biting the inside of his cheek so he didn’t look too elated at the fact Frank had basically just said it would be fine if he and Gerard were together.

Frank went on from where he left off, reading out sentences oblivious to the thoughts and emotions swimming through Gerard’s head. He figured that now was as good a time as any to make a move on the older man, especially after what he’d just said - he only wondered now if Frank liked him back, had he imagined all the longing glances and attention? Only one way to find out.

Gerard stretched his leg out, pretending to straighten the hem of his thigh highs and taking the opportunity to brush his foot against the inside of Frank’s calf, pretending that he hadn’t noticed the hitch in Frank’s breath and the way he stuttered over his word, mid-sentence. When he’d finished messing with the stocking he left his foot where it was, pressed up against the inside of Frank’s leg - gently caressing him over his jeans.

Frank paid no attention after the first contact, choosing to carry on with his reading - much to Gerard’s delight - it was when Gerard’s foot began to rise closer to his knee that Frank’s eyes flickered from the text to the white-clothed foot between his legs yet still he made no move to push Gerard away, instead trying to refocus on the task at hand.

“..-his infatuation was becoming too strong, he was weak to resist the angelic nymph-..”

Frank took a sharp intake of breath, eyes shooting up to Gerard who was watching him innocently - waiting for him to continue, acting unaware to the fact his foot was resting against Frank’s inner-thigh. Frank swallowed thickly, looking like he was debating something in his head before glancing down at his book and continuing, his voice sounding a little higher and more unsure as he went on.

Gerard was enjoying himself now, he could see the effect he was beginning to have on the older man from the way his entire body had stiffened and the way his Adam’s apple would bob up and down as he repeatedly swallowed. His foot began as a light caress but gradually grew stronger, the pressure increasing as he ran his foot along the inside of his thigh, stopping just barely before his crotch and only when on instinct Frank’s hand darted out to grab him, his loose grip on his ankle holding his foot just barely touching his crotch.

“G-Gerard-.. What are you-..” Frank breathed, the book dropping to the ground noisily though neither of them bothered to give it a second glance - they were too caught up in the charged stare they were currently sharing.

“Nothing, Sir” Gerard bit his lip, raising his eyebrow slightly in challenge

Frank swallowed the lump in his throat, his eyes showing hesitation before he loosened his grip entirely on Gerard’s ankle, leaving him to press his foot tentatively against Frank’s already tented jeans, eyes widening as the ball of his foot grazed the outline of Frank’s arousal.

“G-Gerard-..I-..” Frank whispered hoarsely, unsure where to put himself at this point but not strong enough to push Gerard away, not when he was touching him so intimately, it was all he’d dreamed of for months “G-Ger-..”

“Shh..” Gerard whispered, moving forwards to place his fingertip over Frank’s lips “Please don’t make me stop..”

“I-..I-..O-Okay-..” Frank stuttered out, blinking softly

Gerard moved his foot away, carefully sliding his way into Frank’s lap and planting himself over his teacher’s erection, his forearms draped gently over the older man’s shoulders.

“Is this okay, Sir?” Gerard asked innocently, tilting his head slightly

Frank nodded quietly, unable to form words as his hands lay planted stiffly at his sides

Gerard pushed his slender fingers through Frank’s hair, pushing it back slightly as the older man’s eyes fluttered shut momentarily. He slowly removed Frank’s glasses and placed them down on the table, tracing his fingertips down the side of his cheek and jawline, his lips parting as he watched curiously. Gerard gently brushed their lips together, pulling a quiet whimper from his teacher before he pressed them together properly, sliding his arms over his shoulders and feeding his fingers through Frank’s hair.

Frank came to life now, his hands gently resting on Gerard’s hips, thumbs caressing circles against the soft cotton of his dress as their mouths moved in sync. He gasped lightly into Gerard’s mouth when the boy rolled his hips, pressing deliciously against his tight jeans - setting his entire body alight with burning want. He tentatively swept his tongue along Gerard’s lower lip, pleased when he parted his lips and allowed him entrance, their tongues fighting against one another until Frank overpowered him and dragged the tip along the roof of his mouth, making him whimper softly.

By now Frank was more confident in his actions, pushing one hand against his bare thigh and travelling beneath his dress, squeezing at the flesh of his thigh as Gerard rolled his hips again. The younger boy’s fingers found their way to Frank’s shirt, not hesitating before unfastening the buttons deftly, his fingertips pushing the material from the teacher’s shoulders and trailing down his tattooed chest. Gerard broke the kiss to mouth his way down Frank’s neck and collar bone, biting down playfully on his clavicle as the older man sighed breathlessly.

“Mm.. do that again-..” Frank murmured, tilting his head back against the sofa

Gerard clamped his teeth around the soft skin, running his tongue over the bite repeatedly as he gently sucked a purple bruise into his canvas. He pulled away to admire his work, pressing a soft kiss to the blemish - pleased with how blissed out Frank looked already with his bitten red lips and half-lidded eyes. He traced his fingers over the tattoos decorating Frank’s torso, dragging the tips down until he could tease just beneath the waistband of his jeans, glancing up at him expectantly - pleased when Frank nodded, bucking his hips up just enough for Gerard to unfasten his belt and shimmy the offending material to the ground.

Gerard sat himself in the space between Frank’s feet, looking up at the older man who sat naked awaiting his next movement. His cock stood proudly, curving towards his stomach - Gerard couldn’t help but lick his lips at the sight, making Frank’s mouth water as he kissed his way up the inside of his thigh. Frank couldn’t believe he’d found himself in this position, he’d fantasised about it way too much but hadn’t ever considered it becoming a reality.

Gerard’s fingertips raked against the sensitive skin of Frank’s inner thighs as he lips and tongue followed the trail, gently wrapping themselves around his thick cock - his thumb sweeping over the tip and soaking up the first beads of pre-cum. Frank let his eyes flutter shut, his head lolling back slightly as he relied on his sense of touch to feel everything Gerard was submitting him to.

The sensation of Gerard’s hot breath blowing against his leaking tip made his breath hitch and he held it for what seemed like forever until Gerard’s mouth engulfed him and he let out a low groan, his hand unconsciously finding its way to Gerard’s mess of hair. He pressed his tongue flat against the underside of Frank’s cock, teasing along the prominent vein as he inched his way down - only stopping to breath through his nose when his face was buried in the wiry hairs at Frank’s base.

“G-G-..Ohhh..” Frank murmured, gently tugging at Gerard’s hair as his eyebrows furrowed, lost in the feeling and never wanting it to end.

Gerard’s fingers toyed with his balls, rolling them around before edging backwards and stroking his fingertips against his perineum making Frank buck involuntarily into the back of his throat. Gerard moaned, desperate to have his mouth filled as much as possible - he’d been dreaming about his teacher for weeks now, surprised in himself that he’d managed to wait this long.

He began to slide up and down Frank’s erection, pleased when the older man would momentarily lose control and thrust up into his mouth. He pushed his hand further beneath him until he could stroke his fingers around his tight rim, spurred on when Frank whimpered a desperate “P-Please Gee.. oh fuck, please touch me-..”

He wasted no time in sinking two fingers past his tight ring of muscle, Frank loved the burn - letting his eyes roll back as he pushed down on the intrusion, alternating between riding on the two digits and thrusting up into Gerard’s pretty little mouth. Frank’s movements began to stutter after a while and Gerard was excited to have his tongue coated in release but his teacher clearly had other ideas, backing away just enough to stop his movements.

“W-Wanna fuck you-..” Frank grunted out between breaths

“You want me to ride you, Sir?” Gerard asked sweetly, using his best puppy dog eyes as Frank whined quietly at the word ‘Sir’

Frank shook his head, nodding towards the other side of the sofa “Hands and Knees”

Gerard obeyed him, resting his forearms on the arms of the sofa and waiting for further instruction

“Good boy” Frank slurred, clumsily climbing to his feet. His eyes were dark and lustful now, all responsibility discarded and replaced with a need to ruin the pretty boy offering himself up to him.

He flipped the hem of the dress over Gerard’s hips, revealing his pale blue panties barely containing the bulge between his legs. His fingers were rough against the soft material, rubbing at Gerard’s erection and pressing his fingertips gently against his balls - tracing all the way back until he could trace the crease of his ass, swatting him sharply and pulling a desperate whimper from the younger man.

“So fuckin’ pretty.. look at you..” Frank groaned hungrily “.. all laid out ready to play”

He wasted no time in tugging the material down past Gerard’s thighs, leaving them bunched at his knees and pressing both hands against his ass cheeks, parting them until he exposed the fluttering pink hole. He massaged the meaty flesh for a moment, pulling him apart and then kneading him back together until finally without warning he pressed his tongue against Gerard’s rim and pushed all the way in, dragging a strangled cry from the younger man as he ground back against Frank’s face desperately.

“Oh-..Oh-.. Oh Sir.. Oh Frankie-.. Oh don’t stop.. Oh please-..” Gerard chanted, fingertips digging into the material of the sofa, his cock leaking profusely between his thighs.

Frank’s tongue worked expertly, stretching him open until he was pliant and needy - letting his saliva coat his chin as he pressed as deep as he could, rubbing his open mouth against the desperate entrance before pushing two fingers past the rim without warning. Gerard cried out his name louder this time, a tone in his voice he’d never heard before - a brand new moan all for his teacher, he’d never felt this close before - like Frank was keeping him dancing dangerously on the edge but refusing to let him topple over into his climax.

By the time Frank was three fingers deep, Gerard was incoherently babbling - riding desperately on his fingers and driving Frank wild. He pulled out without warning, leaving Gerard to whine - head lowered between his arms as Frank left momentarily to find protection. He returned barely a minute later, his cock sheathed up and ready to go - Gerard gasped as he felt the head of Frank’s cock against his entrance, slowly edging inside him with his fingertips leaving crescent moons over Gerard’s hips.

He was slow and careful, bottoming out a few moments later with a sharp exhale, his fingertips caressing the soft skin of Gerard’s hips as they both got used to the tight hole. The air was thick and silent apart from their synchronised panting until Frank began to slide out with a groan, thrusting back in quicker than before and dragging a punched out moan from Gerard’s lips.

It didn’t take long to build up his rhythm, one hand planted firmly on his hip and the other buried in his mess of hair, tugging gently with each movement. Gerard’s cock was leaking profusely between his legs but any thought of the soiled material beneath them was long gone when Frank began to circle his hips, slamming relentlessly into Gerard’s waiting hole, stretching him impossibly open as Gerard whined and whimpered beneath him, Frank’s name falling from his lips along with expletives.

“Oh.. F-Frankie..Please-.. Harder-..” Gerard chanted “D-Don’t stop-.. Please-.. Ah-..”

Frank used all his strength to pound into him repeatedly until the familiar heat began to pool in his stomach, swirling lower and lower until he was crying out Gerard’s name and spilling over inside of him, pulling the younger man into climax along with him. They collapsed in an exhausted heap, limbs tangled and Frank’s face buried in the space between Gerard’s shoulder blades.

“I like this lesson” Gerard murmured a few minutes later “I definitely think you should teach this way more often”

Frank snorted, snaking an arm around his middle “You definitely get an A for that one, Gee”

Frank didn’t set out to become a teacher, in fact he’d spent the majority of his school career despising the very profession - the source of his unhappiness, along with relentless school bullies. He’d been intelligent enough to get a scholarship and spend a year or so studying in university before dropping out and pursuing his dream as a musician, that was how his life was supposed to be planned out - he’d imagined it since he was four years old and sat in a speak-easy watching his Grandfathers band play, music was his life - he was born to play, it was in his DNA.

The crash hadn’t been part of his premonition, he hadn’t expected his dream to turn into a nightmare and he definitely didn’t see such a tragedy signalling the end of his career. He’d lost his best friend that night, as well as band-mate and Frank just couldn’t see himself getting back up on stage without his right-hand man, maybe it was cowardly - or maybe Frank was just shaken into an easy life, one with minimal risk and hearts intact. His family, especially his Mother had been happy to hear of his decision - while they knew that music was his love, his everything - they had attended the funeral with broken hearts, only thankful that it wasn’t their son they were burying.

It had been six years now and Frank was turning thirty in the fall, he still played his guitar everyday - he couldn’t ever give up that part of him, it was like an extra limb - it was part of him, a piece of his heart. He’d obtained his teaching degree rather quickly, his partial university education helping him bypass some of the coursework - he was rather well known now in Jersey as someone who had the skills to tutor even the lowest performing student into an exam-worthy scholar.

Frank didn’t work in a school, couldn’t bring himself to set foot in the building he had wished to burn to the ground barely twelve years before. Instead he’d set himself up a private tutoring service from the comfort of his own home, he’d take on one student at a time with weekends at his leisure - it gave him the time to focus on his clients fully instead of going from one student to another and mixing up their school-work. He’d met a diverse range of people through his tutoring, he taught all ages - anyone from little Rosie Michaels who was a seven year old in special education to fifteen year old Johnny Byers who’d been kicked out of school for setting fire to a science lab.

All of his students flourished, maybe it was his style of teaching and laid back attitude that helped him connect with the younger students. Frank made a pact with himself not to become one of those boring old teachers who’d lost the love of their craft years before and instead took it out on those they taught. It was working out fine for him as the years went by and last year he’d even managed to win a community nominated award for services to children - he was achieving greatly, he felt like he’d found his path in life and things were going well.

Gerard was his latest student, he’d been tutoring him for three months now and the boy was improving thanks to Frank’s dedication. Gerard was 19, he’d been held back a few years in school due to lack of progression - his Mother said he’d been bullied badly, to the extent that he refused to attend school and as a result failed to graduate. Frank wasn’t sure what to expect until Gerard showed up on his doorstep on that first Monday morning.

To put it nicely, Gerard was a total sweetheart - He walked shyly into the large open-plan room that Frank had dubbed his classroom, his soft black hair framing his pale, pixie-like face. Gerard was feminine to say the least, in fact he was androgynous and downright beautiful - Frank couldn’t help but notice the sway of his hips and the way his eyes widened so innocently every time Frank spoke to him. To top it all off, Gerard was wearing a baby pink dress - his milky thighs peeking out between the midway hem and a pair of white thigh-highs, Frank’s throat dried up at the sight.

Over the coming weeks Gerard began to ease into student life, overcoming his initial shyness and becoming more comfortable with Frank. His teacher was having a less than easy life though, in all his years of teachers he had prided himself on the fact he had never been attracted to one of his students, and though Gerard was 19 and fully legal it still felt immoral and wrong, but he just couldn’t help himself. He wondered sometimes if Gerard could see the effect he was having on him, wondered if he knew that the way he sucked on his lower lip made Frank’s jeans tighten just a little - wondered if he could see the way Frank’s eyes trailed the length of his body as he entered the classroom each morning.

Frank decided that it wasn’t completely weird that he let Gerard into his thoughts when he touched himself at night, it was just imaginary after all - where was the harm? He couldn’t deny that the thoughts of Gerard with his soft cotton dresses, bitten-red lips and doe-eyes gave him the most intense orgasms he’d ever experienced. It both excited and pained him to spend so much time with Gerard, wishing that they had met under different circumstances because Gerard was definitely the type of boy Frank would ask on a date.

“Hey Sweetheart, did you get that homework finished for me?” Frank asked as he heard the faint patter of Gerard’s white slip-ons coming down the hallway.

They’d built up a routine now, Gerard would arrive at eight-thirty each morning and let himself in - Frank would be in the kitchen making breakfast for them both, making sure to pour Gerard a coffee to get him to wake up a little, the boy hated mornings almost as much as he hated Math class.

“Yes Sir” Gerard hummed, sliding into his chair at the table and getting out his English essay “Did you sleep well, Mr Iero?”

“You know you can call me by my first name, Gee” Frank reminded him as he did every day “I slept fine thank you, did you?”

“Okay Frankie” Gerard bit his lip, swinging his legs a bit as he watched Frank walk over with the coffee “I slept okay, had a bad dream but I went back to sleep for a bit.. that’s why I look messy today.. I overslept”

“You look fine-..” Frank frowned, placing the mug in front of him and turning back to retrieve a plate of pancakes “..-real pretty, I like your dress today”

“Thanks Frankie” Gerard blushed, sipping at his drink before waving his hand furiously in front of his mouth “Ouch-Ouch-Ouch!”

“Careful Gee, it’s hot” Frank mused, repeating the same words he used every morning when Gerard was too quick to drink his caffeine

They went through their morning routine as usual, sharing pancakes and coffee as Frank marked Gerard’s work and Gerard got started on his next task.

“You did well on this one” Frank praised, sliding the essay back over to Gerard who grinned happily “A few spelling mistakes but nothing too major, it’s a really great piece Gee - you’re really improving”

“Thanks to you, Sir” Gerard smiled, resting his chin on his hand as he blinked up at the older man

“Hey, you’re doing the hard work - I’m just helping a little” Frank replied modestly “Right, so shall we start reading the next chapter in our book? I want you to do a little mock test on it later on”

Gerard nodded excitedly, they’d been reading through their current book for a few days now and it was slowly becoming Gerard’s favourite read. It told the story of a young girl who wore pretty dresses and an innocent smile to seduce her older crush, Gerard couldn’t help but feel excited at the thought of trying out such a plan on his tutor. He’d seen the way Frank would stare at him when he thought he wasn’t looking, it had start off as innocent glances at first but the heat was rising between them and Gerard longed for the day when Frank would forget his morals and just take him.

They were curled up on the sofa now, Frank would always allow Gerard to get comfortable while he was reading to him - he tended to drift off and not concentrate otherwise, besides it made a difference to being cooped up in the classroom all day. Gerard would kick off his shoes and curl his legs up underneath him, leaning against the back of the sofa as he turned to face the older man who would read sonnets and plays and fiction with his smooth, velvety voice - unaware of the effect it had on his student.

“..-and so she put on her favourite colours, knowing the way her blush contrasted with the pink puff of her sleeves - before making her way to his study, praying he would be alone-..” Frank concentrated on the pages of the book, his thick-framed reading glasses making him look even cuter than Gerard had anticipated.

“Do you think that she was bad, Sir?” Gerard piped up, tilting his head to the side

“Bad?” Frank frowned, marking the page with his fingertip “Do you think she was bad, Gerard?”

“Well.. she’s trying to seduce him, but she’s much younger-.. isn’t that bad?”

“I guess-.. I guess in that kind of situation it would be the older man that’s wrong, Gerard” Frank tried to explain carefully “Because he’s the one who should know better.. it’s not right what she’s doing, no-.. but the older man should stop it before it goes ahead, he’s the adult in the situation”

“Because he’s older?”

“Yes and No-..” Frank licked his lips slightly “.. it’s not wrong because he’s older, it’s wrong because she’s still under-age.. and whether she consents or not, it’s not her decision - not really.. it’s statutory rape, however you look at it”

“What about if she was older?” Gerard reasoned “If-.. If she was the legal age but, but he was still older than her.. is that wrong?”

Frank ran his fingers through his hair, the situation hitting a little too close to home for his liking “I guess it’s how you look at it, I mean-.. I believe that two consenting, legal age people can be together but-.. but I guess it’s frowned upon a lot by people, it’s just perspective”

“I understand” Gerard nodded, biting the inside of his cheek so he didn’t look too elated at the fact Frank had basically just said it would be fine if he and Gerard were together.

Frank went on from where he left off, reading out sentences oblivious to the thoughts and emotions swimming through Gerard’s head. He figured that now was as good a time as any to make a move on the older man, especially after what he’d just said - he only wondered now if Frank liked him back, had he imagined all the longing glances and attention? Only one way to find out.

Gerard stretched his leg out, pretending to straighten the hem of his thigh highs and taking the opportunity to brush his foot against the inside of Frank’s calf, pretending that he hadn’t noticed the hitch in Frank’s breath and the way he stuttered over his word, mid-sentence. When he’d finished messing with the stocking he left his foot where it was, pressed up against the inside of Frank’s leg - gently caressing him over his jeans.

Frank paid no attention after the first contact, choosing to carry on with his reading - much to Gerard’s delight - it was when Gerard’s foot began to rise closer to his knee that Frank’s eyes flickered from the text to the white-clothed foot between his legs yet still he made no move to push Gerard away, instead trying to refocus on the task at hand.

“..-his infatuation was becoming too strong, he was weak to resist the angelic nymph-..”

Frank took a sharp intake of breath, eyes shooting up to Gerard who was watching him innocently - waiting for him to continue, acting unaware to the fact his foot was resting against Frank’s inner-thigh. Frank swallowed thickly, looking like he was debating something in his head before glancing down at his book and continuing, his voice sounding a little higher and more unsure as he went on.

Gerard was enjoying himself now, he could see the effect he was beginning to have on the older man from the way his entire body had stiffened and the way his Adam’s apple would bob up and down as he repeatedly swallowed. His foot began as a light caress but gradually grew stronger, the pressure increasing as he ran his foot along the inside of his thigh, stopping just barely before his crotch and only when on instinct Frank’s hand darted out to grab him, his loose grip on his ankle holding his foot just barely touching his crotch.

“G-Gerard-.. What are you-..” Frank breathed, the book dropping to the ground noisily though neither of them bothered to give it a second glance - they were too caught up in the charged stare they were currently sharing.

“Nothing, Sir” Gerard bit his lip, raising his eyebrow slightly in challenge

Frank swallowed the lump in his throat, his eyes showing hesitation before he loosened his grip entirely on Gerard’s ankle, leaving him to press his foot tentatively against Frank’s already tented jeans, eyes widening as the ball of his foot grazed the outline of Frank’s arousal.

“G-Gerard-..I-..” Frank whispered hoarsely, unsure where to put himself at this point but not strong enough to push Gerard away, not when he was touching him so intimately, it was all he’d dreamed of for months “G-Ger-..”

“Shh..” Gerard whispered, moving forwards to place his fingertip over Frank’s lips “Please don’t make me stop..”

“I-..I-..O-Okay-..” Frank stuttered out, blinking softly

Gerard moved his foot away, carefully sliding his way into Frank’s lap and planting himself over his teacher’s erection, his forearms draped gently over the older man’s shoulders.

“Is this okay, Sir?” Gerard asked innocently, tilting his head slightly

Frank nodded quietly, unable to form words as his hands lay planted stiffly at his sides

Gerard pushed his slender fingers through Frank’s hair, pushing it back slightly as the older man’s eyes fluttered shut momentarily. He slowly removed Frank’s glasses and placed them down on the table, tracing his fingertips down the side of his cheek and jawline, his lips parting as he watched curiously. Gerard gently brushed their lips together, pulling a quiet whimper from his teacher before he pressed them together properly, sliding his arms over his shoulders and feeding his fingers through Frank’s hair.

Frank came to life now, his hands gently resting on Gerard’s hips, thumbs caressing circles against the soft cotton of his dress as their mouths moved in sync. He gasped lightly into Gerard’s mouth when the boy rolled his hips, pressing deliciously against his tight jeans - setting his entire body alight with burning want. He tentatively swept his tongue along Gerard’s lower lip, pleased when he parted his lips and allowed him entrance, their tongues fighting against one another until Frank overpowered him and dragged the tip along the roof of his mouth, making him whimper softly.

By now Frank was more confident in his actions, pushing one hand against his bare thigh and travelling beneath his dress, squeezing at the flesh of his thigh as Gerard rolled his hips again. The younger boy’s fingers found their way to Frank’s shirt, not hesitating before unfastening the buttons deftly, his fingertips pushing the material from the teacher’s shoulders and trailing down his tattooed chest. Gerard broke the kiss to mouth his way down Frank’s neck and collar bone, biting down playfully on his clavicle as the older man sighed breathlessly.

“Mm.. do that again-..” Frank murmured, tilting his head back against the sofa

Gerard clamped his teeth around the soft skin, running his tongue over the bite repeatedly as he gently sucked a purple bruise into his canvas. He pulled away to admire his work, pressing a soft kiss to the blemish - pleased with how blissed out Frank looked already with his bitten red lips and half-lidded eyes. He traced his fingers over the tattoos decorating Frank’s torso, dragging the tips down until he could tease just beneath the waistband of his jeans, glancing up at him expectantly - pleased when Frank nodded, bucking his hips up just enough for Gerard to unfasten his belt and shimmy the offending material to the ground.

Gerard sat himself in the space between Frank’s feet, looking up at the older man who sat naked awaiting his next movement. His cock stood proudly, curving towards his stomach - Gerard couldn’t help but lick his lips at the sight, making Frank’s mouth water as he kissed his way up the inside of his thigh. Frank couldn’t believe he’d found himself in this position, he’d fantasised about it way too much but hadn’t ever considered it becoming a reality.

Gerard’s fingertips raked against the sensitive skin of Frank’s inner thighs as he lips and tongue followed the trail, gently wrapping themselves around his thick cock - his thumb sweeping over the tip and soaking up the first beads of pre-cum. Frank let his eyes flutter shut, his head lolling back slightly as he relied on his sense of touch to feel everything Gerard was submitting him to.

The sensation of Gerard’s hot breath blowing against his leaking tip made his breath hitch and he held it for what seemed like forever until Gerard’s mouth engulfed him and he let out a low groan, his hand unconsciously finding its way to Gerard’s mess of hair. He pressed his tongue flat against the underside of Frank’s cock, teasing along the prominent vein as he inched his way down - only stopping to breath through his nose when his face was buried in the wiry hairs at Frank’s base.

“G-G-..Ohhh..” Frank murmured, gently tugging at Gerard’s hair as his eyebrows furrowed, lost in the feeling and never wanting it to end.

Gerard’s fingers toyed with his balls, rolling them around before edging backwards and stroking his fingertips against his perineum making Frank buck involuntarily into the back of his throat. Gerard moaned, desperate to have his mouth filled as much as possible - he’d been dreaming about his teacher for weeks now, surprised in himself that he’d managed to wait this long.

He began to slide up and down Frank’s erection, pleased when the older man would momentarily lose control and thrust up into his mouth. He pushed his hand further beneath him until he could stroke his fingers around his tight rim, spurred on when Frank whimpered a desperate “P-Please Gee.. oh fuck, please touch me-..”

He wasted no time in sinking two fingers past his tight ring of muscle, Frank loved the burn - letting his eyes roll back as he pushed down on the intrusion, alternating between riding on the two digits and thrusting up into Gerard’s pretty little mouth. Frank’s movements began to stutter after a while and Gerard was excited to have his tongue coated in release but his teacher clearly had other ideas, backing away just enough to stop his movements.

“W-Wanna fuck you-..” Frank grunted out between breaths

“You want me to ride you, Sir?” Gerard asked sweetly, using his best puppy dog eyes as Frank whined quietly at the word ‘Sir’

Frank shook his head, nodding towards the other side of the sofa “Hands and Knees”

Gerard obeyed him, resting his forearms on the arms of the sofa and waiting for further instruction

“Good boy” Frank slurred, clumsily climbing to his feet. His eyes were dark and lustful now, all responsibility discarded and replaced with a need to ruin the pretty boy offering himself up to him.

He flipped the hem of the dress over Gerard’s hips, revealing his pale blue panties barely containing the bulge between his legs. His fingers were rough against the soft material, rubbing at Gerard’s erection and pressing his fingertips gently against his balls - tracing all the way back until he could trace the crease of his ass, swatting him sharply and pulling a desperate whimper from the younger man.

“So fuckin’ pretty.. look at you..” Frank groaned hungrily “.. all laid out ready to play”

He wasted no time in tugging the material down past Gerard’s thighs, leaving them bunched at his knees and pressing both hands against his ass cheeks, parting them until he exposed the fluttering pink hole. He massaged the meaty flesh for a moment, pulling him apart and then kneading him back together until finally without warning he pressed his tongue against Gerard’s rim and pushed all the way in, dragging a strangled cry from the younger man as he ground back against Frank’s face desperately.

“Oh-..Oh-.. Oh Sir.. Oh Frankie-.. Oh don’t stop.. Oh please-..” Gerard chanted, fingertips digging into the material of the sofa, his cock leaking profusely between his thighs.

Frank’s tongue worked expertly, stretching him open until he was pliant and needy - letting his saliva coat his chin as he pressed as deep as he could, rubbing his open mouth against the desperate entrance before pushing two fingers past the rim without warning. Gerard cried out his name louder this time, a tone in his voice he’d never heard before - a brand new moan all for his teacher, he’d never felt this close before - like Frank was keeping him dancing dangerously on the edge but refusing to let him topple over into his climax.

By the time Frank was three fingers deep, Gerard was incoherently babbling - riding desperately on his fingers and driving Frank wild. He pulled out without warning, leaving Gerard to whine - head lowered between his arms as Frank left momentarily to find protection. He returned barely a minute later, his cock sheathed up and ready to go - Gerard gasped as he felt the head of Frank’s cock against his entrance, slowly edging inside him with his fingertips leaving crescent moons over Gerard’s hips.

He was slow and careful, bottoming out a few moments later with a sharp exhale, his fingertips caressing the soft skin of Gerard’s hips as they both got used to the tight hole. The air was thick and silent apart from their synchronised panting until Frank began to slide out with a groan, thrusting back in quicker than before and dragging a punched out moan from Gerard’s lips.

It didn’t take long to build up his rhythm, one hand planted firmly on his hip and the other buried in his mess of hair, tugging gently with each movement. Gerard’s cock was leaking profusely between his legs but any thought of the soiled material beneath them was long gone when Frank began to circle his hips, slamming relentlessly into Gerard’s waiting hole, stretching him impossibly open as Gerard whined and whimpered beneath him, Frank’s name falling from his lips along with expletives.

“Oh.. F-Frankie..Please-.. Harder-..” Gerard chanted “D-Don’t stop-.. Please-.. Ah-..”

Frank used all his strength to pound into him repeatedly until the familiar heat began to pool in his stomach, swirling lower and lower until he was crying out Gerard’s name and spilling over inside of him, pulling the younger man into climax along with him. They collapsed in an exhausted heap, limbs tangled and Frank’s face buried in the space between Gerard’s shoulder blades.

“I like this lesson” Gerard murmured a few minutes later “I definitely think you should teach this way more often”

Frank snorted, snaking an arm around his middle “You definitely get an A for that one, Gee”

[malex-overlord-believe]

Science can(not) fix this!

Kyle is done with them being ‘just friends’

Warnings: Accidental (sorta) drug use

@imawriteriwrite

AO3

Kyle will not lie that he was ecstatic to finally see Alex and Michael together without all the sadness and heartbreak. He has a feeling DeLuca helped. The two of them were getting really sad and depressing. Kyle's proud he lasted a week before finally saying something but now he wishes he said something from day fucking one because this- this is not what he thought was going to happen.

“You’re what now?”

“Oh did they forget to teach you what friends are in medical school?” Michael sasses and ok Kyle didn’t miss being near Michael at all but if that kinda almost happy look on Alex’s face stays… he can deal with Guerin.

“No I- of course I know what friends are jackass but-”

“Kyle we’re just friends okay. Simple as that.”

He gives at Alex’s tone but only for now.

-

This is utter and complete torture. Kyle as let them be for a month okay a month ! He cannot stand these two being  like this anymore!

The week he waited to talk to them was absolutely awkward with Michael being hesitant (what world has Guerin ever been hesitant) and Alex doing this hot and cold but with happiness and fear instead. Then they talked more, fought more, drank a lot until they eventually figured their shit out. Some of their shit out.

So Michael and Alex are friends but they can’t just be simple regular friends. No they have to be actual best friends to each other who love each other. Them being best friends is great, a bit annoying when he wants to hang out with Alex, but still great. The frustrating part is the love.

Kyle actually feels like he’s drowning in it. It’s so gross but kinda nice because these two really do deserve it.

Of course Kyle thought of a perfect plan to get them officially together. He blames some weird shit he watched while half drunk and Liz talking to him for a week straight about pheromones.

It takes only another three attempts until they get something that might work. Kyle’s secret weapon to be the best man and be deemed Alex’s best friend is Alien pheromones because if these two don’t screw each others’ brains out by the end of the day, he’s murdering someone.

The thing is though it doesn’t make Michael sex crazy.

-

“We’re going to have two dogs and a kid who needs a home. We can make that cabin our home after I fix it up and live out our days there. Or I can take you to the stars! Alex once I figure out how to engineer my ship to work again, I can take you to space! I’d never be able to leave without you so come with me! God I love your eyes the most. I love when I dream about them. Also you smile, it just makes me all warm and happy because your smiles are the best and you need to smile more. Did I mention you in a uniform is hot. Like sure the army sucks but damn you know how to rock the look.”

Michael is clinging to Alex while settled in his lap and has his face pressed into Alex’s neck as he continues to ramble on. Michael’s smiling with this dopey look in his eyes as he presses closer and closer to Alex.

Alex is holding him but staring daggers at Kyle. Kyle stares back in defiance because he did nothing wrong. It’s not his fault Michael decided to drop by unannounced and get exposed to concentrated alien pheromones Kyle's been working on. He finally caves under Alex’s look after ten minutes.

“We’ll have the antidote ready by tonight ok or you can wait til it wears off.” The daggers change to ice. “Fine i’m sorry your Alien got exposed but this is what he gets for randomly dropping by without a notice okay.”

Alex rolls his eyes but shifts a hand up into Michael’s hair and gently tugs.

“Hey i’m kind of thirsty. Would you mind grabbing me water from the kitchen area please Guerin?”

Michael grins brightly and presses a long kiss to Alex’s cheek. “Sure thing Handsome. Be right back.”

Once Michael’s out of ear shot Alex stands and Kyle is a little terrified of how quickly he closes the distance between them. There’s also the absolute murderous look on Alex’s face but that walk was no joke.

“You drugged Michael.”

“Not intentionally and it’s more like… getting high? On a truth serum?”

“He’s under a type of influence that you made. Why did you make it.”

Kyle knows that Alex knows why he made it.

“Do I really have to say it?” he mumbles. The murder glare intensifies.

“Fine. I thought you guys getting physical would finally end mine and everyone’s suffering.”

Michael reappears against Alex’s side with a glass of water.

“Here you go darling.” The glass floats as Michael wraps his arm around Alex’s waist to reattach himself.

“Thank you Michael.”

The actual sunshine that is oozing from Michael's face is blinding. Kyle has gone blind thank god.

“I really love when you use my name. I like Guerin too but you rarely use Michael so it always feels so special. I also love when I make you scream it and all those other beautiful sounds you make when I do that thing you love so much. I miss that too. But also just being next to you is perfect.”

For the 9th time Kyle wishes he could be deaf too but no dice.

Alex sighs before letting his head press into the side if Michael's, holding him tight for a few short seconds then walks them back to sit back down.

Why does Kyle feel like crying right now? What even was that?!

Alex runs his hand through Michael's curls, the Alien apparently content enough to be quiet while sandwiched into Alex's side as his hair is played with.

“You know he’s going to murder you once he’s no longer under the influence.”

Kyle was trying very hard not to think about that. That’s why he said the antidote will be ready by tonight even though Liz is just waiting on stand-by until he says to come over.

-

When Michael got exposed, a dopey smile appeared on his face and all he kept asking about was where Alex was. The airman was already on his way but that was still a good twenty minutes of Kyle being informed about every reason that Michael loves about Alex’s eyes. Then just why he loves Alex. Right when Alex got to the cabin.

Then it was a good few hours of Kyle being stuck hearing Geurin continue to profess every thought he had about Alex Manes while Alex switched between getting this hopeful happy look at Michael and one of just utter heartbreak. Also glaring at Kyle.

Kyle realizes he might have fucked up big time.

Now after finally caving and texting Liz to bring the antidote, Michael is back to his normal annoying self but giving Kyle death glares. Also tripping him and pushing things out of his reach.

“Dear god your acting like a cat Guerin!”

Michael quirks a brow at him.

“Well I can't kill you so here we are.”

A pillow flies into Kyle's face.

“Petty annoyance.”

Kyle accepts his fate with minimal grumbling.

---

Kyle is just about to knock on the door when voices start yelling.

It's Michael and Alex's. It seems their having a fight. Again. He's been through so many of these he just sighs and parks it on the front porch. Might as well endure this too since he's the reason they're happening more often.

“Why can't you just talk to me about him. I know he's back under some bullshit reason but how are we going to continue to make this work if you won't even tell me what's going on in that stupid brilliant brain of yours?”

That's Michael's voice.

“My monster of a father doesn't get to be anywhere near this. I made him leave once and I can do it again. I can handle him now Michael, he's not going to be doing anything this time.”

That's Alex's voice but Kyle thinks its his captain voice. Also… What did sergeant Manes do last time?

“I can't handle it if he gets into your head again. I know that's what happened at the drive-in, what made it so hard for you to come home even thinking I would've been long gone from this town. I know it's why you get that look when you see my hand.”

His ears strain to hear if Alex will talk now but then Michael keeps going.

“Please at least… tell me what he says or try not to be alone with him. I know he suspects and probably fully believes I'm the alien that's killed some people, I can handle him too but knowing you won't turn on me again- please.”

Kyle realizes this is a very very different argument he probably shouldn't be hearing… but also never realizes just how much Jesse Manes has done to ruin Alex's life. That was the one thing that separates his dad from the sergeant, the thing he knows is true in his bones: His dad would never do that to his flesh and blood. Jesse Manes would and has.

He misses some of what Alex starts saying, caught up in his realization, but he didn't miss much.

“-okay I'll let you know and only be near him when I have to. You too okay. Don't- I was young and knew he meant those threats so be careful too? If he hurts you-” Alex's voice is full on protective-intent-to-kill but its cut off by what Kyle can guess is Michael's mouth.

Then moans start to follow and ya go Alex… but he should probably leave now.

He tries to quietly make it back to his car but one of the steps he takes creaks giving him away. He freezes and looks to the window to find Michael there glaring at him.

Is it weird he expects to be flung into the air by an invisible force?

It happens but honestly now it's kinda fun.

His life is way too weird.

Then said invisible force gently picks him up.

His life is also kinda cool.

[rankakiu]

Thoughts of the Droid: Alita Battle Angel (2019)

Hello, people of Tumblr! How life treats you? As always, I hope very well. Finally, I had the opportunity to see the movie I most expected from this 2019: Alita Battle Angel

It is another Hollywood effort to adapt a Japanese franchise, being the turn of the series "Hyper Future Vision GUNNM" by the author Yukito Kishiro, which has become over time a reference and classic of the genre of science fiction and Cyberpunk, at the same time having gained the status of cult work. And this time, Hollywood, with the help of James Cameron and Robert Rodriguez have brought us their live-action version, which has given to talk in the middle of the cinema and among fans of anime/manga.

WARNING: NOT SPOILER-FREE. Read at your own risk

Entering already in the review, what did I think about the movie? Short answer: Entertaining, but could give a little more of itself. Now let's analyze the movie in more detail.

Characters: In my opinion, the strongest point of the movie. The interpretations of the actors could not be more accurate and you can see the effort they have put into playing their respective roles. I particularly emphasize the actress Rosa Salazar in her role as Alita and Christoph Waltz as Dr. Dyson Ido. Salazar has done an impeccable job and I, as a spectator, felt that I saw Alita in all her personality and glory. A kind and innocent girl who discovers and marvels at a world that is unknown to her. In this part, they knew how to perfectly balance her surprise and innocence, without Alita looking ignorant or silly. We also have her other side represented perfectly: a lethal soldier who possesses the soul of an entire warrior, with touches of arrogance, whose combat techniques make her a formidable adversary. And whose memories are unlocked little by little making use of their main weapon: the martial art of the Panzer Kunst.

Christoph Waltz, on the other hand, makes a very solid interpretation of Daisuke Ido ... sorry, Dyson Ido, a father figure for Alita. In fact, that aspect pleased me a lot about the movie, which at all times shows an authentic relationship between father and daughter that gets stronger as the story progresses. We see a Dyson Ido, who despite not agreeing with Alita in some circumstances, supports his adopted daughter unconditionally.

I also highlight the actors Keean Johnson and Ed Skrein in their roles of Hugo and Zapan, respectively. They also show that they studied their characters and represented them quite well. We have a Hugo here, who, like his previous incarnations, has the dream of going to Zalem in search of a better life. On behalf of Ed Skrein, he gives us an arrogant and vengeful Zapan, ready to defeat and humiliate Alita.

In general, the rest of the cast works pretty well inside the movie. (By the way, very good detail of those involved in keeping the surprise of Edward Norton as Desty Nova, since seeing him there in the film was a real surprise, and a nice to finish XD).

History: Ironically, this was the weakest point I found in this movie. At first, the story progresses well, but after a few minutes, the story feels rushed, presenting a huge number of characters in a very short period of time, apart from that they explain their characteristics, instead of showing them in the scene on the big screen.

However, I firmly believe that what it plays against was that they tried to make a perfect amalgamation between the first three volumes of the Japanese comic and the two existing OVA’s of the franchise. I recognize that there are scenes of this style that really work, but a good part of them feels that they pass too quickly and does not allow a real conflict between the characters to be generated. In addition, I also believe that Cameron and Rodriguez did such a good job of pleasing the fans, that they almost completely forgot to include more people, that their adaptation was more universal for the entire audience. I understand that in a movie the time is quite limited, but they could make an effort to deliver a more cohesive story. By the way, the violence in the film, although very reduced and soft compared to the original material, is appreciated to see it.

Something that seemed unjustifiable to me in the movie was that they removed all the history of Hugo's past, is essential to understanding his motivations. They kept his dream of wanting to go to Zalem, but you never understand why he wants to go to Zalem. Of course, long before the premiere, I read the volumes of the original Japanese comic, so, even when they missed that part, I understood the reason for Hugo's dream. But someone who approaches the franchise for the first time with this movie will never understand why. Also, you have the scene where Hugo climbs up one of the cables that hold the floating city of Zalem. In the Japanese comic and OVA, you understand that he climbs as a last and desperate alternative to fulfill his dream of belonging to that city. On the other hand, the movie goes up because the hunter-warriors know that he is still alive. Partly it is justified, but it feels forced and taken out of nothing.

As I said above, the story feels rushed and this is more noticeable in the inclusion of Motorball sports scenes, which I would have preferred to have been in the final part of the film and the other two rooms focusing on Alita in her role as hunter-warrior. We have another case, where the final confrontation between Alita and Zapan is hurried and one can barely enjoy the scenes. Almost has no impact on the viewer and to top it off, the change of heart of Chiren, now determined to help Alita feels too forced. It also happens in the case when Zapan loses his face at the hands of Alita, where the scene does not have enough impact to astonish the spectator.

But what intrigues me the most is: how in the end, Alita stays as a Motorball player if practically scenes ago she made rebellious acts against the Factory? Practically entering, dismantling machines, destroying facilities and killing a person (Vector) is enough to put a price on the head of our protagonist. And yet, there you see her at the end very removed from grief and the Factory does not put any reward for her.

But not everything is bad. In favor of the film, I will say that the inclusion of Hugo at the beginning of the story was a success since it allows the romance between Alita and Hugo to unfold naturally. You also feel that in truth chemistry between the actors, which makes their romance more tender and therefore more credible. I highlight two scenes in particular: the first where Hugo teaches Alita to play Motorball and the second where he gives her chocolate to taste for the first time. In the first, they spend more time together and therefore you can feel that their romance is born little by little. It is in the second scene where you see more the innocence of Alita that causes you to die (not literally XD) of tenderness, without forgetting that also this scene has its comic touches well achieved.

It is also fair to mention that the scene of Hugo's death is very emotional and finally we see how Alita is affected by that event. We see her mourn, her sadness, anguish, and despair to witness the death of the man she loved. As a spectator, it moved me a lot.

On the other hand, the justification of Dr. Ido to be a Hunter-Warrior is perfectly raised, since the loss of his biological daughter affected him so much that he decided to make his own justice. In general, it is a very valid reason and the proposal of the film goes further, by presenting an Ido, who after achieving his revenge, did not leave him satisfied, but even worsened his feeling of emptiness. It is quite similar to what the Japanese comic raises originally where Daisuke Ido, to prove the experience of killing, could not leave that profession, being a declared murderer. Something similar also happens with the end of this movie. I will also mention that here it makes more sense that Ido and Chiren have been a couple and their subsequent separation is equally well justified. Here Ido, with Alita, has again the opportunity to return to be a father, and the viewer sympathizes with Ido in that aspect. In general, the scenes that narrate the good doctor Ido's past are brilliantly realized.

If I had to highlight a scene that combines the Japanese comic and the OVA and if it works to perfection, without a doubt it would be the scene of the Bar Kansas and the subsequent fight between Alita and Grewishka. Interestingly, here if you feel a perfect amalgam between both formats and brought to life for the big screen. We have Alita who goes to the Bar Kansas for two reasons: one, seek to prove herself as a warrior hunter, and two get help to stop the evil Grewishka. It turns out to be an impeccable scene, where in spite of giving some events in a different way, it also preserves the essence of both previously mentioned formats (especially the japanese comic). It is here that the arrogant, but charismatic part of Alita is observed, humiliating the other hunter-warriors by telling them the painful truth, accompanied by a beating of epic proportions. On the other hand the sequence of the fight in the bar is very well achieved, reminding us of the fights that occur in the bars of our world XD.

The fight between Alita and Grewishka is the best achieved, having a great intensity in action. It is here where they also took many scenes from the Japanese comic and knew how to transfer them to the film. Here we see an Alita whose inner warrior reappears with more strength than ever, and despite the difference of powers and abilities, she knew how to stand up to her opponent, even when, in a peak scene, her Doll Body is destroyed, Alita never surrendered in the fight. Fortunately she was saved by the help of Hugo, Dr. Ido and the hunter-warrior McTeague. Particularly the scene where Dr. Ido carries the battered body of Alita is moving to see, as one as a spectator feels the affection and paternal care that Ido shows at that time with his adopted daughter, in addition to recalling a classic scene of the Japanese comic . Certainly a maximum point is reached when Dr. Ido rebuilds Alita with the Berserker Body, where he understands and accepts the warrior soul that is inside Alita.

To finish this point, I will say that the scene that I liked the most was precisely the one at the end, where Alita unsheathes her Damascus Blade and points to the sky. We also see Edward Norton in his role as Desty Nova, accepting the challenge of his enemy, a sublimely performed scene, where Alita accepts herself as a warrior, promising the destruction of Nova with a will of steel. Extra points for the design of Nova, where it really looks like its Japanese comic counterpart, without looking like a bad cosplay. In general, Nova's dialogues, along with his brief appearance, left me asking for more of this iconic character.

Visuals and special effects: Simply great. In truth here I recognize the effort they made to present the world of Alita. We see the floating city Zalem in all its corruptive glory, and the Iron City, with its people living as pleasantly as possible, but also presenting their constant problems to survive in an environment too hostile, full of poverty and murder.

The strongest point is the design of Alita and her cybernetic bodies. I still remember the controversy (which fortunately did not happen to major) that generated the fact that Rosa Salazar made her interpretation with the Capture Performance technique and above all, the decision to make the eyes of Alita enormous. To the relief of the majority, that was only a minor detail, since, in the final product, Alita looks pretty good. In all the scenes It looks totally beautiful, besides that, in spite of being a Cyborg, its movements are quite natural and fluid, like those of any other human. The designs of the cyborg bodies are really beautiful, in addition to offering some contrast to differentiate them. We have the Doll Body, whose design is simple, but close up it has ornaments that make it feel empty, in addition to its color palette is warm, ideal to represent the innocence and kindness of Alita. On the other side, we have the Berserker Body, whose design is more elaborate, but not saturated. And their colors are quite indicated to represent their warrior side.

Action: There is not much I can say, except that it is really very good and very well done. It's a frenetic action, but you can clearly see the fast movements of the characters. Once again I highlight Alita, whose movements are not only fluid, but also note that these movements, when attacking, dodging, pirouetting in the air, kicking and punching, you notice a huge physical force in her attacks and above all, her movements are more by instinct, as would be expected of her character, who instinctively recalls her training in the Panzer Kunst. The Motorball scenes are fast, you feel the intensity of the sport and in general, it feels like in its counterpart of the Japanese comic: a sport full of adrenaline and without mercy. The action does not disappoint.

In conclusion, Alita Battle Angel is a decent and acceptable film and adaptation. It is entertaining to watch and one can get to enjoy the experience. However, one also feels that the film had more potential, which unfortunately did not come to fruition at all. This film would recommend it more to Die-Hard fans of Alita or as a way to have a good time to get rid of boredom. For my part, I will say that this movie has become a guilty pleasure. No doubt I would see it again, but with certain reservations. For now, I give this movie 2.5 out of 5 Damascus Blades.

I'll finish my review by saying this: In part, I'm glad to see Hollywood keep trying to make adaptations of foreign franchises. As far as I can see, this industry is taking more seriously to rely on the source material and represent it in the best way they can, in addition to dealing with more some respect to the franchises. In fact, they still have a way to go, but I feel that they have already taken the right path. It is only a matter of time before they finally deliver an adaptation that is universally acclaimed. I count that it will be like this in the future.

Greetings

Rankakiu

Edit: I added my thoughts on two more scenes of the movie. So, I feel that my review is at last complete.

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

Man - The Dwelling Place of God - The Decline of Apocalyptic Expectation

A SHORT GENERATION AGO, or about the time of the first World War, there was a feeling among gospel Christians that the end of the age was near, and many were breathless with anticipation of a new world order about to emerge.

This new order was to be preceded by a silent return of Christ to earth, not to remain, but to raise the righteous dead to immortality and to glorify the living saints in the twinkling of an eye. These He would catch away to the marriage supper of the Lamb, while the earth meanwhile plunged into its baptism of fire and blood in the Great Tribulation. This would be relatively brief, ending dramatically with the battle of Armageddon and the triumphant return of Christ with His Bride to reign a thousand years.

Thus the hopes and dreams of Christians were directed toward an event to be followed by a new order in which they would have a leading part. This expectation for many was so real that it quite literally determined their world outlook and way of life. One well-known and highly respected Christian leader, when handed a sum of money to pay off the mortgage on the church building, refused to use it for that purpose. Instead he used it to help send missionaries to the heathen to hasten the Lord's return. This is probably an extreme example, but it does reveal the acute apocalyptic expectation that prevailed among Christians around the time of World War I and immediately following.

Before we condemn this as extravagant we should back off a bit and try to see the whole thing in perspective. We may be wiser now (though that is open to serious question), but those Christians had something very wonderful which we today lack. They had a unifying hope; we have none. Their activities were concentrated; ours are scattered, overlapping and often self-defeating. They fully expected to win; we are not even sure we know what "win" means. Our Christian hope has been subjected to so much examination, analysis and revision that we are embarrassed to admit that we have such a hope at all.

And those expectant believers were not wholly wrong. They were only wrong about the time. They saw Christ's triumph as being nearer than it was, and for that reason their timing was off; but their hope itself was valid. Many of us have had the experience of misjudging the distance of a mountain toward which we were traveling. The huge bulk that loomed against the sky seemed very near, and it was hard to persuade ourselves that it was not receding as we approached. So the City of God appears so large to the minds of the world-weary pilgrim that he is sometimes the innocent victim of an optical illusion; and he may be more than a little disappointed when the glory seems to move farther away as he approaches.

But the mountain is there; the traveler need only press on to reach it. And the Christian's hope is there too; his judgment is not always too sharp, but he is not mistaken in the long view; he will see the glory in God's own time.

We evangelicals have become sophisticated, blas. We have lost what someone called the "millennial component" from our Christian faith. To escape what we believe to be the slough of a mistaken hope we have detoured far out into the wilderness of complete hopelessness.

Christians now chatter learnedly about things simple believers have always taken for granted. They are on the defensive, trying to prove things that a previous generation never doubted. We have allowed unbelievers to get us in a corner and have given them the advantage by permitting them to choose the time and place of encounter. We smart under the attack of the quasi-Christian unbeliever, and the nervous, self-conscious defense we make is called "the religious dialogue."

Under the scornful attack of the religious critic real Christians who ought to know better are now "rethinking" their faith. Scarcely anything has escaped the analysts. With a Freudian microscope they examine everything: foreign missions, the Book of Genesis. the inspiration of the Scriptures, morals, all tried and proven methods, polygamy, liquor, sex, prayer-all have come in for inquisition by those who engage in the contemporary dialogue. Adoration has given way to celebration in the holy place, if indeed any holy place remains to this generation of confused Christians. The causes of the decline of apocalyptic expectation are many, not the least being the affluent society in which we live. If the rich man with difficulty enters the kingdom of God, then it would be logical to conclude that a society having the highest percentage of well-to-do persons in it would have the lowest percentage of Christians, all things else being equal. If the "deceitfulness of riches" chokes the Word and makes it unfruitful, then this would be the day of near-fruitless preaching, at least in the opulent West. And if surfeiting and drunkenness and worldly cares tend to unfit the Christian for the coming of Christ, then this generation of Christians should be the least prepared for that event.

On the North American continent Christianity has become the religion of the prosperous middle and upper classes almost entirely, the very rich or the very poor rarely become practicing Christians. The touching picture of the poorly dressed, hungry saint, clutching his Bible under his arm and with the light of God shining in his face hobbling painfully toward the church, is chiefly imaginary. One of the biggest problems of even the most ardent Christian these days is to find a parking place for the shiny chariot that transports him effortlessly to the house of God where he hopes to prepare his soul for the world to come.

In the United States and Canada the middle class today possesses more earthly goods and lives in greater luxury than emperors and maharajas did a short century ago. And since the bulk of Christians comes from this class it is not difficult to see why the apocalyptic hope has all but disappeared from among us. It is hard to focus attention upon a better world to come when a more comfortable one than this can hardly be imagined. The best we can do is to look for heaven after we have revelled for a lifetime in the luxuries of a fabulously generous earth. As long as science can make us so cozy in this present world it is hard to work up much pleasurable anticipation of a new world order.

But affluence is only one cause of the decline of the apocalyptic hope. There are other and more important ones.

The whole problem is a big one, a theological one, a moral one. An inadequate view of Christ may be the chief trouble. Christ has been explained, humanized, demoted. Many professed Christians no longer expect Him to usher in a new order; they are not at all sure that He is able to do so; or if He does, it will be with the help of art, education, science and technology; that is, with the help of man. This revised expectation amounts to disillusionment for many. And of course no one can become too radiantly happy over a King of kings who has been stripped of His crown or a Lord of lords who has lost His sovereignty.

Another cause of the decline of expectation is hope deferred which, according to the proverb, "maketh the heart sick." The modern civilized man is impatient; he takes the short-range view of things. He is surrounded by gadgets that get things done in a hurry. He was brought up on quick oats; he likes his instant coffee; he wears drip-dry shirts and takes one-minute Polaroid snapshots of his children. His wife shops for her spring hat before the leaves are down in the fall. His new car, if he buys it after June 1, is already an old model when he brings it home. He is almost always in a hurry and can't bear to wait for anything.

This breathless way of living naturally makes for a mentality impatient of delay, and when this man enters the kingdom of God he brings his short-range psychology with him. He finds prophecy too slow for him. His first radiant expectations soon lose their luster. He is likely to inquire, "Lord, wilt thou at this time restore again the kingdom to Israel?" and when there is no immediate response he may conclude, "My lord delayeth his coming." The faith of Christ offers no buttons to push for quick service. The new order must wait the Lord's own time, and that is too much for the man in a hurry. He just gives up and becomes interested in something else.

Another cause is eschatological confusion. The vitalizing hope of the emergence of a new world wherein dwelleth righteousness became an early casualty in the war of conflicting prophetic interpretations. Teachers of prophecy, who knew more than the prophets they claimed to teach, debated the fine points of Scripture ad infinitum while a discouraged and disillusioned Christian public shook their heads and wondered. A leader of one evangelical group told me that his denomination had recently been, in his words, "split down the middle" over a certain small point of prophetic teaching, one incidentally which had never been heard of among the children of God until about one hundred years ago.

Certain popular views of prophecy have been discredited by events within the lifetime of some of us; a new generation of Christians cannot be blamed if their Messianic expectations are somewhat confused. When the teachers are divided, what can the pupils do?

It should be noted that there is a vast difference between the doctrine of Christ's coming and the hope of His coming. The first we may hold without feeling a trace of the second. Indeed there are multitudes of Christians today who hold the doctrine of the second coming. What I have talked about here is that overwhelming sense of anticipation that lifts the life onto a new plane and fills the heart with rapturous optimism. This is what we today lack.

Frankly, I do not know whether or not it is possible to recapture the spirit of anticipation that animated the Early Church and cheered the hearts of gospel Christians only a few decades ago. Certainly scolding will not bring it back, nor arguing over prophecy, nor condemning those who do not agree with us. We may do all or any of these things without arousing the desired spirit of joyous expectation. That unifying, healing, purifying hope is for the childlike, the innocent-hearted, the unsophisticated.

Possibly nothing short of a world catastrophe that will destroy every false trust and turn our eyes once more upon the Man Christ Jesus will bring back the glorious hope to a generation that has lost it.

[auskultu]

Beatle George And Where He’s At

Nick Jones, Melody Maker, 16 December 1967

For many people, the Beatles have long passed the stage where they are merely a pop group. The first indication of this development was probably when George Harrison began to take an interest in Indian music and consequently Indian culture. It was George who introduced John, Paul and Ringo to the Maharishi and it is George’s passion for his teaching that affects almost all Beatle thinking at the moment. In this exclusive Melody Maker interview, conducted by Nick Jones, George dwells on his new-found philosophy of life; how he arrived at it; what it means to him; and what it will mean to the directions the Beatles are now taking. Music hardly entered the conversation—but then, the Beatles are much more than music alone now.

THE MAHARISHI Mahesh Yogi is already being criticised, as are the Beatles, in connection with your studies in transcendental meditation. It’s easier to criticise somebody than to see yourself. We had got to the point where we were looking for somebody like the Maharishi, and then there he was. Most other people had never thought about this before and suddenly there he is being thrust down their necks.

You didn’t just suddenly get on to a meditation “kick”? No, it’s been about three years thinking, looking for why we’re here—the purpose of what we’re doing here on this world, getting born and dying. Normally people don’t think about it and then they just die—and then they’ve gone and missed it—because we do come here for some purpose. And I’ve found out that the reason we come here is to get back to that thing God had, whatever you might call God, you know, that scene. The thing is everybody is potentially divine, every human being is potentially a Christ.

So you all were in this scene before the Maharishi and all the publicity came along? Yeah. When you’re young you get taken to church by your parents and you get pushed into religion in school. They’re trying to put something into your mind. But it’s wrong you know. Obviously, because nobody goes to church and nobody believes in God. Why? Because religious teachers don’t know what they’re teaching. They haven’t interpreted the Bible as it was intended.

This is the thing that led me into the Indian scene, that I didn’t really believe in God as I’d been taught it. It was just like something out of a science fiction novel.

I think it was really after acid because acid was the big sort of psychological reaction. It’s really only after acid that it pushes home to you that you’re only little—really. And there’s all that infinity out there and there’s something doing it, you know.

It’s not just that it’s us doing it or the Queen doing it, but that it’s some great power that’s doing it.

Then the music, Indian music just seemed to have something very spiritual for me and it became a stepping stone for me to find out about a whole lot of other things. Finding out all about Hinduism and all those sort of religions made me realise that Christianity is that as well—every religion is just the same scene really.

For Christianity, it’s the people who profess to be the religious teachers who screw the whole thing up. They’re the people who create the sectarianism, the prejudices and the hate that goes on. You know, those people who are supposed to be propagating the Lord’s word—they’re screwing it all up. You’re taught to just have faith, you don’t have to worry about it, just believe what we’re telling you. And this is what makes the Indian one such a groove for me and I’m sure for a lot of other people, because over there they say “don’t believe in anything… if there’s a God we must see him, if there’s a soul we must perceive it and so on.”

It’s better to be an outspoken atheist than a hypocrite, so their whole teaching is don’t believe in nothing until you’ve witnessed it for yourself. I really feel and believe very much in this whole sort of scene, you know, God. You know when you say the word “god” people are going to curl up and cringe—they all interpret it in a different way.

The Maharishi is a monk and he hasn’t got a penny, and he doesn’t want to have a penny. He doesn’t want any money and obviously you get the Press saying he’s staying in the Hilton and he does this and he does that—but in actual fact he didn’t stay in the Hilton but in a meditator’s house.

And he’s been here for nine years and for eight of those years he never had a word said or written about him until the Beatles got interested in it and then he gets all this.

So we know where the Press are at and all those people who are putting him down—because they’re only writing about him because of us.

But how do these realisations fit into your actual everyday existence? You’re saying that everything really is predestined? Well, yes. This is what the Maharishi says. The more you meditate and the more you harmonise with life in general then the more nature supports you. Nature has supported you since you were born if you come to think about it.

I mean, why did I go to that school at that time, and meet that fella, who met this fella, and we did this, you know, why?

Why did I meet Ravi Shankar? And the difference between the thing of me meeting Shankar is that people will see this from their point of view, but actually it’s much different.

When I met him and got to know him, it was like I’d known him for a thousand years—and the same response back from him.

The more I’ve got into it, the more you find out about the truth, then the more you see this thing we call reality isn’t reality at all—this is all an illusion.

And this is the big drag because everybody lives their lives thinking this is reality and then say to people like us “oh you’re just escaping from reality.”

They seriously term this scene of waking up, going out to work, going home again, going to sleep, dreaming, waking up again and all that—reality! But in actual fact you’re into illusion—it’s nothing to do with reality because reality is God alone. Everything else is illusion.

Those people in the Himalayas, the Yogi who are very advanced spiritually, and all the ones on other planets, well it’s just a joke to them all this that we do and call reality. I mean it’s even a joke if you just take yourself out of it and watch all the things going on.

It’s a joke. And the joke’s on all the people who take it seriously. There’s so much more to it.

You see every so often somebody comes to the earth, like Jesus did, and they’ve been coming every so often, these people, divine incarnation, like Buddha, Jesus, and all that. There’s always, these people coming and they are the truth, like God, this great force whatever it is, manifesting itself into a physical form.

And there are quite a few people walking around on earth this minute who have attained that—all over the world, in the Himalayas, in America, everywhere—and they just look like funny little old men. I mean, like Maharishi, they look like that.

People of course don’t take much notice of them or put ‘em down, when all these people are doing is telling the truth—they’re always there.

I read somewhere that the next fella like that, the next Messiah like, he’ll come and he’ll just be too much. Anybody who doesn’t believe that he’s the one then he’ll just show ‘em, you know. He’s just gonna come down and zap them all. Miracles, like. That’s why this whole thing is getting better and better. It’s building up to a great peak. It’s the cycle moving on. The majority of people are going to believe and they’ll be digging everything and he’ll come and say “yeah baby, that’s right,” and all those other people who are bastards they’re gonna get something else. Instead when they die they won’t reincarnate on this earth, they’ll get put down on another planet that’s still got to come through the evolutionary thousands of years that we’ve just been through. It’s just fantastic you know.

Really it’s all too much because everybody who’s becoming involved and realises it is part of the plot. I don’t like to use the word “religious” but when you get into whatever that is, that scene, when you go through yoga and meditation it’s just… self realisation. And the next world that’s coming along is going to bring us into this age that’s known as the Golden Age.

You know that scene about the Iron Age, the Stone Age, the Ice Age, and that’s this thing of evolution, the cycles that it goes through—and the Golden Age is when everything is really nice.

A pleasure to be here.

[anamedblog]

On Environmental Archaeology Research in Turkey Interview with Assoc. Prof. Evangelia Pişkin

Environmental Archaeology as one of the sub-disciplines has an increasing contribution to archaeological research all over the world in the last half century. 

Today in Turkey there has been a growing interest that almost all archaeological projects collect and process environmental data. Despite this growing interest, the position of the discipline at the academic institutions has not yet been strongly established and defined. There is only a small number of research facilities today in Turkey within international scientific institutions (i.e. BIAA) and under the auspices of universities (i.e. Koç University, METU(ODTÜ) and İstanbul University), and there is still room for improving the comprehensive research potential offered by such initiatives.

2017-2018 ANAMED-GABAM Post-Doctoral fellow Mustafa Tatbul, who followed an interdisciplinary approach in his PhD research at METU, brought the matter to the table. He made a short interview with his former professor Evangelia Pişkin (Vicky), at Ankara about the current state of the environmental archaeology research in Turkey.

Pişkin is a faculty member at the Graduate Program of Settlement Archaeology at METU, where she has established an Environmental Archaeology Research Unit in 2010.  She has been conducting zooarchaeological research in Turkey for almost two decades.

MT: Zooarchaeology has become an essential element of archaeological explorations in the last decade in Turkey. Today almost all excavations have a specialist. While foreign scholars are participating in the fieldworks, a significant number of Turkish scholars, especially trained abroad, are contributing a lot into the field. As one of the few senior zooarchaeologists, how do you see the development of zooarchaeology in Turkey? Maybe you can make some comparison with the recent past.

EP: It is true that zooarchaeology has gained a lot of ground in recent years in Turkey. We have even a handful of relatively newly given positions at Turkish universities for zooarchaeologists. Nevertheless, there is a big gap to be filled yet. Compared to the potential of the subject and the truly vast amounts of such materials recovered every year from  numerous excavations, by no means we have enough colleagues in residence nor enough facilities. Another important problem here is that zooarchaeology or to put it wider, environmental archaeology, is not sufficiently incorporated to curricula for undergraduate archaeology students. Few departments include it, in some departments it will be mentioned as part of another course and in many it is totally missing. This is one of the most important barriers for making these works properly understood and applied in Turkish archaeology. Without taking this step, no matter how many specialists may work at excavations, local or foreigner, the picture will remain patchy.  

MT: I know you have a strong background in Classics and Field Archaeology. But how did you decide to focus on zooarchaeology? Did you have any doubts, because you were not coming from biology or zoology discipline? What do you advice to those who are coming from different backgrounds and were in the decision threshold?

EP: Since my undergraduate studies, I had a strong interest with what constructs everyday routines of past cultures and especially activities related to food both as a necessity as well as a vehicle of expression of various social and economic relationships. Related to my background and bridging disciplines, yes, you have a point. I think, all types of interdisciplinary research face this problem; at any subject… In the particular case, the researchers with background in sciences have to deal with “learning archaeology.” And we, who come from archaeology and go to zooarchaeology or archaeobotany, etc., we have to learn what is needed from the related science disciplines. It does require some extra work but it is perfectly doable. I wouldn’t say that any direction is better than the other but often the construction of the research questions and the approaches taken by different background researchers are also different, usually reflecting exactly these “undergraduate times” backgrounds.

MT: You have been working for a while to establish an environmental archaeology laboratory at METU. What was your dream? How much of your expectations were fulfilled?

EP: My aim is to provide an environment for local research and teaching on these topics. Especially one that would have been inclusive of various branches of the discipline. At the moment, we study aspects of zooarchaeology and archaeobotany and I hope soon we can expand on other topics. Actually, we do have various places in Turkish and foreign (but located in Turkey) institutions which contain facilities or equipment that can be used for such research purposes; nevertheless these often remain unused or rarely used because there is only a handful of academics-in-service permanently residing in Turkey and working on these topics that could enliven such places.  Moreover, we have no specific degree to accommodate students with such research interests. Of course, this is a complex matter with various elements and cannot be covered comprehensively here or be solved by a single lab or person but some help, I hope, has been provided.

MT: You also need some students around, interested in specializing in environmental archaeology. I know many students show great interest at the beginning but very few continue in graduate level. Are you satisfied with the number of trainees which will contribute to the field in the future?

EP: To my experience most of the students I had taught have found the field interesting. Most of them wanted, at least, to try their hand on something, have some experience, learn the basics and some have continued to study it in detail. Many of them though have doubts about their abilities to manage such a study because it feels “out of their reach” as archaeologists. This is closely related both to the interdisciplinary nature of such studies as well as to the fact I mentioned before, that these subjects are not taught at undergraduate degrees in Turkey.  Because of this lack of sufficient information about the subject many students consider such topics to be something else than “archaeology”. This is a true misconception. Zooarchaeology or archaeobotany or geoarchaeology and any other such field are nothing but archaeology indeed. We ask the same questions as any archaeologists which, in a very generic way, could be put as understanding/explaining past societies. Only the materials through which we try to reach this aim are different; instead of studying “artifacts”, we study “ecofacts”.  If a student can learn to classify and analyse “artifacts”, in the same way can learn to classify and analyse ecofacts. Another thing they consider as an obstacle is whether they can find a place for themselves in the profession of archaeology after completing such a study. Again, this originates to the same reason, the lack of teaching such subjects at undergraduate level and it is reinforced by the way the Higher Education Council (YÖK) is structured. For example, YÖK has not any “specialization” described as environmental archaeology or zooarchaeology or archaeobotany or geoarchaeology etc. These are fundamental problems for making this research an integrated part of archaeology in Turkey rather than an exotic application executed mostly by foreign researchers. And, I would like to add that there is truly a need for specialists of this kind.  I believe that today universities and colleagues clearly recognize it and many take very favorable positions towards it. I think it is rather a matter of time before these issues are resolved.

MT: Integration of different environmental data groups such as archaeobotanical and zooarchaeological in archaeology is a strength for the researcher. I know you are also competent in archaeobotanical research, and combining the two serves to better understand human diet and economy which is primarily a composition of both animal and plant food resources both in the past and today. Are you a follower of such an approach?

EP: Integration of different data sets for a holistic interpretation is obviously the ultimate goal for the discipline even though not that often achieved. There are many obstacles actually for successfully integrating evidence, a lot of these coming from the nature of the evidence itself since each category of data may have had different exploitation and use, different deposition, different taphonomy and finally different study and presentation method, none of which help integration of results. In fact, we are still in need for a good set of techniques and methods on how to achieve the integration, but there is surely a lot of current discussion and work going on the subject.

MT: Archaeologists conduct interdisciplinary research collaborating with other disciplines such as zoology, botany, anthropology, biology, chemistry, history, geology, computer science, and many more. You are working at one of the most prestigious scientific institutions in Turkey. You must be collaborating with many scholars from other disciplines and also training some students. Can you say something about the collaborative research you are involved in Turkey?

EP: Yes I have collaborations at METU and outside with a number of excavations and groups of researchers. Since you put it as research at METU, I have collaboration with the team of the Komana excavations run by Prof. Burcu Erciyas from Settlement Archaeology and the team of the aDNA group established at the Biology Department by Prof. İnci Togan, and after her retirement run by Assoc. Prof.  Mehmet Somel. The excavation at Komana has given the opportunity to produce a large amount of data for a period that is very little studied in Turkey (11th to 13th centuries AD). Also, it was very lucky that we had excellent conditions of preservation and we have recovered a wealth of animal and plant remains and from at various contexts that gave us a lot of insights on matters of economy as well as everyday life. My collaboration with the aDNA group from the very first steps of it has also being very fruitful. It started with a small project to study ancient sheep DNA through which the first aDNA lab in Turkey was established and now the group has successfully expanded the study to other species and even humans. Recently an ECR European Union Early Career Research grant was received by Mehmet Somel.

MT: You, as the specialist, also have the flexibility to work in projects without any site and period limitations, isn’t it?

EP: Yes, because the materials we work with are not very “sensitive” to time or regional changes. Ceramic styles, for example, change rapidly in time and space. A sheep bone or a wheat grain, in contrast, is the same in the Bronze Age, the Neolithic, and the medieval times, in Turkey, in Egypt, in U.K. and so on. For this, the specialist on the study of plant and animals can indeed work with much less or almost no limitation of space or time as compared to other specialists in archaeology. This flexibility allows for many opportunities for collaborations and research or, may I say, even adventures! Of course, there are variations on wild flora and fauna between regions and at different periods, nevertheless, these can be mastered relatively easily and may not pose serious problems. That is because the majority of the animal/plant remains we are dealing from the Neolithic onwards come from a certain suit of domestic species which are the same across most regions/periods. Overall the amount of local/temporal different animal/plant remains will be a small amount of the total findings.  

MT: Conducting research depends highly on financial sources other than collaboration, a good team, and facilities. Finding funding needs some experience. What do you advise to young researchers? Are there any good opportunities for funding environmental archaeology research projects in Turkey?

EP: Finding funding is definitely very difficult for archaeology and environmental archaeology in Turkey and worldwide. But this is true for many other disciplines too. I think that, save for super—current, super—in-demand subjects, academic research is more or less at the same pot and we should not be discouraged. My advice? The one who will persist, will win: Keep your focus tight and work meticulously.

MT: Congratulations, the 13th quadrennial ICAZ International Zooarchaeology Conference will be held at Ankara, Turkey in September 2018.! You managed to bring ICAZ to Turkey. I think this is a very important stage for the Turkish zooarchaeology community.

EP: ICAZ has a long history going back to the 70s and it is the biggest organization representing archaeozoologists worldwide. Holding this conference in Turkey will promote the subject locally and give the opportunity to researchers and students to attend and listen to a large number of papers covering subjects from all over the world and from many different viewpoints. I believe it will be a valuable occasion for education, exchange of information and an arena for discussions and collaborations from which our colleagues and students would greatly benefit.

http://www.icaz2018ankara.com

[blog-researchblog]

The Making of a Middle School Teacher

Katie Smith

Why Teaching?

After finishing my schooling at Kutztown, I want to be a 6th or 7th grade math teacher. I’ve known this for a while now because of how much I loved helping my mom with her grading, setting up her classroom, working with kids, etc. Using the article “7 Power Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life” written by Scott Christ, I was able to further understand myself and my goals, which allowed me to make sure teaching matched my needs for my career. Important things I learned from myself was how important it is to have a great work environment, to be active, and to be able to move to a different state if I wanted to.

Ever since I was little, I loved the atmosphere of a school. So, moving forward in deciding my career, I knew I wanted to be in that atmosphere. A good work environment is key for me to be productive, and what’s good about being a teacher is I would get to create my own environment and ensure that it feels welcoming and encourages productivity for me and all my students.

I also knew going into planning what I wanted to do next was that I wanted to work with kids. I find the energy and creativity of adolescents to be refreshing and very insightful. I knew I wanted to be there to help and watch the adolescents that I work with grow into each person that they want to be, and middle school is the age where they are just starting to figure all that out. Being a teacher would also allow me to be moving around all day, which was also very important to me. Being active allows me to learn and be focused and I know movement is essential for adolescents too.

Teaching also gives me the flexibility to go anywhere in the nation and the world. Many states accept Pennsylvania teaching licenses and there are a bunch of programs that take teachers overseas to teach in any of the continents. So even as a teacher I could travel to places all over the world that I’ve dreamed about going to.  

All in all, teaching is the career I wanted for a while for many reasons and evaluating myself only solidified that. Teaching would enable me to check many things off my “job necessities” list such as: having a positive work environment, being active, being flexible with where in the world I could work, working with kids, etc. As a teacher, I am going to be shaping the future generation. Therefore, I will work hard to make sure I am the best I can be so the students can become the best they can be. In order to figure out more about the logistics of being a middle school teacher, I consulted the Occupational Outlook Handbook.

Here are the Facts:

When people think about what it means to be a teacher, they think about summer vacations, being around kids, and not getting paid much; but there’s much more to teaching than meets the eye, and the Occupational Outlook Handbook entry about, “Middle School Teachers” tells the reader about the job of a teacher more in depth. A lot of people don’t think about the after-hours work teachers have to do; such as, the constant communication they need to have with parents/guardians of their students, the schooling process a person needs to go through to become a teacher, or the wide range of employment opportunities. 

The job of a teacher goes far beyond the school day. Teachers need to write lesson plans for the next day or week and grade student tests and assignments. Teachers can also be involved in coaching, being a club adviser, or after school tutoring programs which further extends their working hours. In most school districts, teachers work 10 out of 12 months and have the remaining two months as summer break. 

To become a teacher, an individual needs to obtain a bachelor's degree and receive a state issued teachers license. A teacher needs both the degree and certification to teach, and in order to get the certification, the prospecting teacher needs to pass a state certification test. To be a middle school teacher you also need to have an area or concentration you are specializing in. This could be any of the core subjects such as Math, Science, Social Studies, or English. Depending on what concentration a teacher has, determines which certification tests they would want to take.

  The average pay of a middle school teacher in the year 2018 was $59,570, according to the Occupational Outlook Handbook. However, pay varies greatly based on both state and school district. This career is projected to grow a total of 3% in the next 10 years, which is on the slower side. On a map provided by the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, some states with the highest employment levels are Texas, California, Georgia, Florida, North Carolina, Colorado, and Virginia. 

While looking at the data of the job is beneficial, it is important to actually see and be in a classroom in a teacher role. In order to really look behind the lens of a teacher, I sat down with my mentor teacher from Brandywine Intermediate School and asked about the reality of the teaching profession.

Through the Eyes of a Teacher

There’s always a story behind why someone wants a certain career. For Lyndsay Levengood, a 5th grade teacher at Brandywine, her reason was her brother. Her brother has down syndrome and throughout her life she played an active role in her brother's growth and learning process. She knew after that that she wanted to be a dual certification general education and special education teacher.  After originally starting out as a special education teacher, she is now a 5th grade math teacher. I met Lyndsay through a cohort program at Kutztown University, and she is one of two of my mentor teachers that I see weekly at Brandywine Intermediate School. I knew going into the program that my ideas of teaching were different from traditional teaching styles; I just wasn’t sure what exactly it was going to be. Over the past three semesters, Lyndsay has helped expose me to an alternative teaching style, personalized learning.

Because of personalized learning, Lyndsay’s typical day and classroom structure is different from what someone may see in a traditional classroom. Every day is different and needs to be flexible because of how important it is to Lyndsay to meet each student’s needs. Each day she’s teaching different and students work on all types of activities. Personalized learning is a lot of work when you look at it. It takes a lot of self-reflection and challenges; you need to think outside of the box in order to meet the needs of each student. Figuring out how to implement this teaching style also takes a lot of co-worker collaboration; “Without the help of our Instructional Coach, I wouldn’t have been able to wrap my head around the fact that’s it’s okay to not give all the students all the same work. Instead I needed to give them practice that would challenge them each at their own level”. 

Lyndsay also shared with me that whether or not you are a teacher who uses personalized learning, it’s important not to over work yourself each night and weekend with teacher work. She said that while completing work outside of school is an important part of the teacher profession, making sure you have time for yourself and your family is also important. Lyndsay recommended to me that as a new teacher I should either go in early at the beginning of the day to do work, stay late after the school day, or work at home for no more than an hour reflecting on the lessons and teaching. Lyndsay warned me that a lot of teachers over work themselves in the beginning and end up becoming miserable in their chosen profession. Being excited and conveying the love of your job to the students changes the learning environment dramatically. Lyndsay enters the  classroom everyday loving her job and wanting to be there, and that enables her to make lasting relationships with her students. Lyndsay said, “One of my favorite things about this job is that I am able to make connections with my students and then through that relationship and trust, I get to watch each of my students grow in a multitude of ways”. But just like any job, Lyndsay said there are some difficult aspects of teaching.

Lyndsay told me how she wishes there was a way for her to help solve the uncontrollable factors. Many of her students struggle with the environmental limits to learning. Many students struggle with family issues and that interferes with their learning, but as the teacher she said that it’s our job to figure out how get those students involved and active. Another struggle Lyndsay mentioned was how as a teacher, we have a lot of aspects of our job that are controlled by outside people. She wishes teachers had a little more freedom and control over how they could teach the material, but because of various government education bills and standardized tests, that's nearly impossible.

But there’s hope. Lyndsay told me that education is constantly changing and right now she’s excited for direction it appears to be going in. Lyndsay loves opening her room to try out new educational strategies to see what she can do to help her students reach their potential. She told me that every student is treated like they have their own IEP (Individual Learning Plan). IEPs are given to students that have disabilities and it helps outline both long and short term goals that students are encouraged to meet at the end of each year using their strengths and weaknesses. So, Lyndsay said that when I start teaching it’s important I set goals for my students and myself and work hard to make them a reality. Lyndsay told me in order to help them reach their goals, that it is important to use their strengths to build up their weaknesses. During that process, it’s important to reflect and not be afraid to hear input from co-workers or the students.

Lyndsay has helped me a lot in learning about other teaching styles and working on being open minded towards new teaching strategies. Lyndsay explained to me, “It is very important to be flexible as a teacher. Whether that’s in the form of noticing your students aren’t benefiting from your lesson by the way you’re teaching it or because you want to try something new”. Either way Lyndsay said that I should just approach each situation with the interests of my students in mind. 

One of the ways I can look out for the interests of my students is by ensuring I am teaching them accurate and full picture material. An article in The New York Times brings attention to how state legislature and textbook companies don’t always paint the entire historical picture.

Teaching in the News:

In the article from The New York Times, “Two States. Eight Textbooks. Two American Stories.”, author Dana Goldstein highlights how schools are politically influenced not just by federal law, but also through the textbook industry. By just comparing Texas and California, it became evident that while some information was consistent in both states, there was some information that didn’t align with the textbook from the other state. There are political issues in the book that lean more toward the state in which the book is used. Some of the inconsistencies are White resistance to the progress of African Americans post Civil War, historical role of LGBTQ+ groups in Native American tribes, immigration, the role of big businesses in American society, and so on. The view on each of these issues tends to lean towards the conservative in Texas and liberal in California, which is believed to be intentional by states to raise a future generation of voters.

Previously to this article, I’ve never really thought about how schools are heavily influenced by politics in the curriculum. Throughout our entire schooling, we as adolescents weren’t only being influenced by our parent’s political beliefs, but also subtle state political beliefs hidden within our school materials. I chose this article because of the relevance it has to my career as a teacher. My major here at Kutztown is Elementary Education grades 4-8 specializing in the subjects of math and social studies. If I do become a social studies teacher, it’s important to be aware of different biases that lay in the curriculum. Simply because, in my opinion, in order to teach your students to be good citizens, you need to shape them to become well rounded adults. The only way to do that is to ensure that students have the entire historical picture painted for them. With that whole picture students will be able to form their own worldview. This article shows one of many ways that students are influenced in that process.

This article taught me a lot about the reality of biases in the school system. It taught me how textbook companies portray or just don't include aspects of history that supports the state’s political affiliations. It showed the truth behind people saying writers always have an agenda. However, despite all this, I’m still curious about if all states are discreetly imposing their opinions on students. If they are, in what ways are they indirectly imposing their beliefs on students? What effect does that have on students? By answering these questions, I would get a better understanding of how I can help fight biases in my classroom. So that I can encourage students to learn about all perspectives and form their own beliefs and educate them on the existence of biased opinions and help them be aware of their own.

[mbtizone]

Martin Stein (DC's Legends of Tomorrow): INTP

Dominant Introverted Thinking [Ti]: As an accomplished physicist, Martin is deeply interested in scientific theories, particularly those of Albert Einstein. He has a curious mind and enjoys asking questions. He thinks outside of the box and looks beyond the facts of a situation. Martin enjoys research and wants to understand the world around him. He’s very good at figuring out how something could work better, and once he does, he is adept at improving the system or piece of technology he’s working on. Martin has a keen, analytical mind and is skilled when it comes to thinking critically about whatever situation the team finds themselves in. Martin is very good at noticing logical inconsistencies and frequently points it out when somebody contradicts themselves. He can often be quite detached about things. When he realizes that the conversation he had with his past self has resulted in the birth of a daughter he wasn’t supposed to have, he refers to her as an aberration. He initially refuses to form a connection with her and views her as a problem that needs to be corrected. Martin is able to make rational, non-emotional calls and often admonishes people for making emotional decisions.

Auxiliary Extroverted Intuition [Ne]: Possibilities are endlessly exciting to Martin. He enjoys a good theoretical discussion and likes to ponder what might be or what could be. When he joins the Legends, he is amazed by all of the wonders of the world and is eager to explore every place and time of the universe he can. He is especially fond of taking trips into the future and seeing all of the changes in the world. Martin understands the big picture in most situations and remains focused on that. Because he is so enthralled with the novel and the extraordinary, he can sometimes get so caught up in his fascination with it that he ignores the dangers of the situation. When a particular course of action is suggested, Martin is very good at coming up with all of the possible outcomes, both positive and negative. He is skilled at seeing connections and patterns and using that to generate theories.

Tertiary Introverted Sensing [Si]: When mistakes are made, Martin simply learns from them and reworks his approach. He remembers a large quantity of facts and details, whether it’s something he read, or a statement someone has made, allowing him to easily reference data, theories, and anything else he’s seen or heard in conversation. His ability to recall people’s previous assertions (Si) is what allows him to continually point out other people’s contradictions (Ti). Martin sometimes enjoys reminiscing about the past and is reminded of it by what is happening in his present. He fondly remembers his desire to travel through space as a child and is thrilled to have his dream finally come true.

Inferior Extroverted Feeling [Fe]: Because Martin has such a scientific mind, he can sometimes be callous and bad at relating to people. He is so excited by testing theories that he can sometimes disregard the feelings of the people around him. Martin sometimes sees people as subjects instead of as human beings. However, once he has time to get comfortable in a group, whether that’s with Team Flash or the Legends, he grows to care very much about the group and makes sacrifices on their behalf, sometimes at his own expense (such as making the decision to send Jefferson back to the present time in a pod when his life was in danger). At times, Martin is good at empathizing with his teammates and making them feel good about themselves, as Legends and as people.

Enneagram: 5w6 Sp/Sx (Likely 513 tritype)

Quotes:

Dr. Martin Stein: We just have to track them. Fortunately, Alpha Particles are highly trackable. Ray Palmer: Yet unheard of in the 1970s. It’s like we’re trapped in the Stone Age. Dr. Martin Stein: I’ll have you know that I was researching Alpha Particles when you were eating crayons.

Rip Hunter:Oy! Where do you think you’re going? Dr. Martin Stein: To break into my old lab and bring us back the particle tracker. Rip Hunter:Fine, but perhaps, you should take Jefferson and Sara to as your intermediaries. Look, interacting with yourself in the past can have catastrophic effects upon the future. Dr. Martin Stein: Fascinating. [to Jefferson and Sara] Dr. Martin Stein: Let’s go.

Dr. Martin Stein: According to Well’s calculations, Barry super-speeds inside the accelerator ring. Once Barry reaches optimum speed, we then launch a hydrogen proton into the accelerator. Once the collision happens, a wormhole forms, opening a gateway into time itself. It’s at that moment I plan on shouting something along the lines of “Eureka” or possibly “Excelsior.” I’m uncommitted.

Dr. Martin Stein: We’re dealing with a lot of big scientific ideas today, but you, Mr. Thawne, might be the most interesting thing here at S.T.A.R. Labs. Eddie Thawne: Me? Dr. Martin Stein: What are the odds that Dr. Wells would travel back in time and get stuck in the exact same city as his great-great-great-great grandfather, working in the same profession, the-the same building, and that part of his plan to get home would mean that he’d have to preserve and protect your life. That makes you this rare thing that-that-that no scientist can plan for. Eddie Thawne: Which is? Dr. Martin Stein: Coincidence. There is no science to coincidence. You, sir, are an anomaly, a-a wild card, as it were. You are the only person in this whole story who gets to choose his own future. At least, that’s my opinion.

Barry Allen: Sometimes the world needs a team. Dr. Martin Stein: You call this a team? A girl with wings in a past lives complex. A deceased assassin. A pair of criminals. And a billionaire with more tech than he clearly knows what to do with it. Ray Palmer: I know exactly what to do with it. Most of the time.

Rip Hunter:I know it’s difficult for you to fathom, but where – when I’m from, the year 2166, you and everyone on this roof aren’t just considered heroes… You’re legends. Ray Palmer: Legends? Dr. Martin Stein: I, um, I hate to nitpick, but doesn’t a legend have to be dead? Jefferson ‘Jax’ Jackson: Yeah, see, uh, that’s a deal breaker for me, so I’m gonna pass.

Mick Rory: You don’t seem happy, Professor. Dr. Martin Stein: The intercept might be a success, but… the Waverider is on reserve power. Not to mention the difficulty to re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere. Mick Rory: What are you saying? Dr. Martin Stein: I’m saying that our crew has an infinitesimal chance ever returning home. By “infinitesimal”, I mean… Mick Rory: A snowball’s chance in hell. Dr. Martin Stein: That would look rosey in comparison.

Dr. Martin Stein: I believe I’ve determined a way to more efficiently track the fragments still inside Ms. Saunders’ body. Next time, you’ll be better prepared. Ray Palmer: There won’t be a next time. Dr. Martin Stein: Can’t you fix the suit? Ray Palmer: It’s not the suit. Dr. Martin Stein: Raymond, you… you musn’t be discouraged. We’re scientists. We learn from failure and we keep going. Ray Palmer: Kendra isn’t a lab experiment. She’s a person.

Dr. Martin Stein: I know how it feels. Ray Palmer: What? Dr. Martin Stein: To have a crisis of confidence. As unlikely as it might seem, I know. It was 2002. I was teaching quantum mechanics, and I had one particularly gifted student. He was able to solve the Ehrenfest theorem in less than an hour. He was, quite frankly, the only student in all my years of teaching who ever made me feel inferior. That student was you. You were exceptional. Ray Palmer: And suddenly, just like that, you remember having me in your class. Dr. Martin Stein: I always remembered. I just enjoyed taking you down a peg or two.

Rip Hunter:Gideon. Gideon: Yes, Captain. Rip Hunter:Plot a course for Saint-Lô, France, 1944. Dr. Martin Stein: Why then? Rip Hunter:Because that’s where Kendra is. Jefferson ‘Jax’ Jackson: How is that possible? Ray Palmer: She sent us a message through time. Go ahead, say it. Dr. Martin Stein: Astonishing.

Dr. Martin Stein: I figured out how Savage plans to erase time. I believe he intends to detonate each of these meteors in a different time period. Jefferson ‘Jax’ Jackson: How can you destroy the world three times in three different times? Rip Hunter: You can’t, it would create a temporal paradox. Dr. Martin Stein: Which would result in a timequake that would return the Earth to the point of the first chronomatic reaction, Ancient Egypt. Jefferson ‘Jax’ Jackson: Okay, it’s official. This is the craziest bad guy plan in the history of bad guy plans.

Dr. Martin Stein: Thank you for joining me, my dear. Caitlin Snow: Of course. I wasn’t being much help back there, anyway. Dr. Martin Stein: Well, having powers isn’t exactly a death sentence, no matter who your doppleganger is. Caitlin Snow: I attacked my friends, my best friends. And said horrible, horrible things to them. Dr. Martin Stein: But that wasn’t you. And… and believe me, as a person who sometimes shares a body with another human being, I know the difference, and so do your friends. Caitlin Snow: I’m just so scared. What if she comes back and I can’t keep her out? Then what? Dr. Martin Stein: We’ll all be there for you.

Sara Lance: Lily’s algorithm located a piece of the Spear of Destiny. Ray Palmer: When? I I mean, I know just now, but where are we headed? Gideon: Detroit. The year 3000 AD. Dr. Martin Stein: A journey into the distant future. How exciting. Nate Heywood: Speak for yourself. Jefferson Jackson: Come on, man. Who doesn’t like the future? Nate Heywood: I like history. Yeah, I know it’s filled with terror and violence, but the future just… Dr. Martin Stein: It’s uncertain. Nate Heywood: Yeah. And it freaks me out a little.

Kendra Saunders: So how long will it take to determine a new location for Savage? Rip Hunter:Longer than we have. Fortunately, there is one place in time that we know Savage to be. Mick Rory: You said he conquered the world in 2166. Dr. Martin Stein: You also said it was too dangerous to strike at Savage while he was at the height of his powers. Rip Hunter:That it is. But with your younger selves removed from history, we have quite literally run out of time.

Dr. Martin Stein: Are you homesick? Jefferson ‘Jax’ Jackson: You checking up on me Gray? Dr. Martin Stein: Given what you’ve witnessed, what you’ve endured, would that really be so bad? You know you just witnessed the very worst of humanity. We share a psychic connection, yet I still can’t even begin to fathom what you must be feeling. Must be like your heart is broken. Jefferson ‘Jax’ Jackson: Yeah, it is. But I saw something in those people’s eyes I didn’t expect to see. I saw hope, I saw dignity. Those men and women? They were treated worse than animals, but they never let anybody stop them from being people, ya know? Dr. Martin Stein: I suppose there will always be those who will seek to dehumanize us, but I believe there are more that cling to hope, despite the darkness. Jefferson ‘Jax’ Jackson: Yeah, that is exactly how they were. Dr. Martin Stein: I was actually thinking of you Jefferson.

Dr. Martin Stein: Unfortunately, this is all my fault. You see, a month ago, I interacted with my younger self back in 1987, and unwittingly motivated him – me – to sire a child. So it’s because of my carelessness that this time aberration exists. Caitlin Snow: She is not an aberration. She is brilliant and funny and a lot like you. Just a little less uptight. Dr. Martin Stein: Please stop talking about her like this. She is not a real person. Caitlin Snow: She is a real person. She’s your daughter. Wait. When we finish fighting the Dominators, you’re gonna go back in time and erase her? Dr. Martin Stein: No. I am going to restore the timeline. Unlike your friend Barry, I have the luxury of fixing my mistakes.

Oliver Queen: We have to keep the Dominators at bay. Dr. Martin Stein: This might help. I’ve mass-produced a small devide that, when placed on individual Dominators, will cause indescribable agony. Not the nicest invention, but this is war. Barry Allen: Nice going. Dr. Martin Stein: The caveat, of course, is that if we activate the weapons before all the devices are placed on the Dominators, they’ll know what we’re up to.

Dr. Martin Stein: This is our Earth. Let’s call it Earth One. And this second Earth, let’s call it Earth Two. This is where Jay claims to be from. And these other Earths – three, four, five, to infinity, all of them – are nearly identical to ours and they all exist at the same time, giving us endless alternatives to what we have here. For example, uh, the Joe West on Earth Two, your doppelgänger, he might not be a detective. He could be a Nobel Prize-winning physicist. And you, the Barry Allen here is The Flash, but over there he could be an electrician.

Dr. Martin Stein: I did not determine that it would be my mind that would dominate our existence, but thank God it was. I could feel your fear and panic, emotions that likely could have gotten us killed in that state. Ronnie Raymond:You kept me buried down. You kept me from her. Dr. Martin Stein: Which is likely why she’s still alive. Now I believe you and I have spent quite enough time together.

Jefferson Jackson: What if when you interacted with your younger self in 1987, you… Dr. Martin Stein: Inadvertently changed my past so-so that my memories from my new life are supplanting the memories from my old life, that’s creating temporal dissonance. Jefferson Jackson: Yeah, that’s exactly what I was thinking. Dr. Martin Stein: Oh, it’s a brilliant theory, which I happen to share with you, but it doesn’t explain… Jefferson Jackson: Who the mystery lady is. Dr. Martin Stein: Or… that I’m fairly certain that I love her. Jefferson Jackson: Man, Clarissa is gonna kill you when you get home. Dr. Martin Stein: Assuming that there is a Clarissa to go home to.

Dr. Martin Stein: I’m having the strangest sensation. It’s like I’m ten years old again. Mick Rory: You do a lot of space travel as a kid, Professor? Dr. Martin Stein: Only in my dreams, after I read my first issue of “Rick Starr: Space Ranger.” Jefferson ‘Jax’ Jackson: Space Ranger Stein? Yeah, I don’t see it. Dr. Martin Stein: I wanted to travel through space, surviving only by my wits and laser guns. I even built a rocket out of cardboard boxes. Rip Hunter:What stopped you? Dr. Martin Stein: NASA has rather strict guidelines regarding nearsightedness. Jefferson ‘Jax’ Jackson: And smoking weed.

Dr. Martin Stein: [Vostov is about to explode after Jax rescues Stein from her] I tried to warn her. Without the splicer and myself, her nuclear powers are dangerously unstable. It appears Dr. Vostov is having a bit of a meltdown. It’s, it’s fascinating. Sara Lance: I think what he means to say is run!

Dr. Martin Stein: The calculations. There is a… a danger. Barry Allen: I know. I’m ready to take the risk. Dr. Martin Stein: No, not just to you, but to everyone. Wells didn’t tell us everything. Barry, even if you do reach the right speed, colliding with the hydrogen particle, there is a chance that explosion could create a singularity. Caitlin Snow: What’s a singularity? Cisco Ramon: It’s a black hole. Barry Allen: We could destroy Central City. Dr. Martin Stein: For starters. If we create a singularity here and then cannot control it, we could be looking at a global catastrophe. Cisco Ramon: So long and thanks for all the fish.

Dr. Martin Stein: Keep an eye on the door, and when I get back, stop flirting with me. Sara Lance: You were the one flirting with me. Jefferson ‘Jax’ Jackson: Look, what’s the big deal? I mean, younger you isn’t married yet, so technically it’s not cheating. Dr. Martin Stein: October 1975. This is right when I meet my future wife, Clarissa. So obviously, we wouldn’t want my former self tempted by a sexy assassin from the future. Sara Lance: Aw, you think I’m sex… Dr. Martin Stein: Do not finish that sentence.

Martin Stein (DC’s Legends of Tomorrow): INTP was originally published on MBTI Zone

[reyavd-blog]

13.10.2000

Oct 13

There was an event at the English class today! Ana was late to the class for 20 min because she had just got her license and she was driving very slowly so as not to crush. She explained that to the headmistress and she said that "still, teachers are not allowed to be late". And Ana is very neurotic. She just exploded! Although she calmed down in the class quickly. And everything was fine. But afterwards, she started explaining to the headmistress why she was late again. And the headmistress kept repeating her line back. Ana declared that she would not be teaching here anymore and went away to her car. Her brother (who had been teaching temporarily too) went to have a discussion with the headmistress. I followed Ana to the car to try to calm her down. I don't know if it worked. I did not actually know what to say.

First I thought that the headmistress was in the wrong. Then it turned out that it is not completely the case. The main thing is, Ana did not even say sorry! There were some people coming to the school for an inspection and they could have thought about it negatively because of this (the teacher being late). Turns out the adults don't have it easy either!

Oct 14

After the school I decided not to go to my art club. The weather was so nice, I thought to make the most of it and play some badminton instead. We played some with Pete and his friend Kaz. Kaz was about to go to a science fest with his parents and me and Pete tagged along. I made slime. It was all pretty fun.

We had a sleepover with Yuki again. We went to bed early. Firstly we didn't have anything to do. And we had a task in mind. To wake up in the middle of the night and watch a video. We got up at 1:30. Yuki had prerecorded a movie off TV for this occasion. As you could have guessed, it was a weird movie. At least we thought so. This was her idea! I just played along. Don't think anything, I am not a lesbian yet! But the movie turned out to be boring and there was only one erotic scene in it. Wasn't even fun. So we went to chat for some more and fell asleep. (The point was that the TV was in the living room and we couldn't watch anything weird out there in broad day light!) I wish mum and dad would take Pete and go away somewhere for a couple of days! Ideally on weekend! Then we could do as we please! It's better to have sleepovers with no parents around.

Oct 21

I went outside to play just for an hour today after school. But it ended up being a little over an hour when I got back home. While out, I was swinging a friend on the swings when the rope caught my ear and my golden earring with a yellow flower bead on it fell into the bushes! I looked for it for a while but could not find it again. I figured out it happened because I stayed out for longer than I was allowed to, like a punishment.

We watched a magic show on TV tonight. Fascinating! Will write down a few... for example,

1) The magician swallows a long thread and 10 (!) real needles one after another. Then he pulls them out strung on the thread out of his mouth!

2) They would hang different things in the air, like light bulbs, gloves and people

3) This one is funny! They show you 5 or 6 cards on a screen and ask you to remember one. So I did. The magician does something with the cards, shuffles them or something, and shows them again. And my card is gone! Wish I could learn this trick!

That's all so cool! I will definitely go to study magic tricks when I am older. I used to think that being a magician is a good profession but now I can see that it is a lot of hard work and really not easy to become one at all!

One last trick they showed at the end - a person is laid on a bench and a glass box is placed on top to cover him. There is nothing underneath. And they saw him in 2! Like really! And the person is fine! How is that possible?

Oct 24

Had a weird dream last night! Me and dad and Pete were going somewhere in the car at night and came to a car park. On the side, there was a building of some sort with a mirror on the wall. There were some people around and they appeared to be singing something (with no sound). And also near there, there was Nadia! She was undressing. She even took her underwear off! Thank God, she was covering herself with a dress and you could not actually see her. I asked dad what she was doing. Dad said: "She wants to undress in front of a mirror and there are no other mirrors but this one". I thought that she was an idiot and was deciding how I would tell everyone about her.

The swimming class went well today. Got to chat a lot to Naru. She told me a scary story.

There was a new girl who came to school. She was very nice. On a break in that first day, she wanted to go to the bathroom and some girls came with her. Then she would not come out of the cubicle. They called her but there was no response. They thought she must have stomach ache and went to report to the teacher. Then during a class, a headmaster came over and told everyone that the new girl who was meant to start today had been in a car accident on the way to school in the morning and was killed. The girls and the teacher were surprised and went to check out the toilets. The door in the cubicle was open and there was a writing on the wall in blood, saying "help me".

That's pretty scary! Could have been better if there was red water in the toilet with her face reflected in it!

Oct 28

We spent the whole day in Tokyo. For the most time we were at the innovative technology exhibition, where dad had a stand at and I got very tired. However it was interesting to look at some exhibits. Dad was explaining something to some men and they were looking smart, nodding and asking questions. I admired dad looking cool. There were a lot of people in general. Mostly older men in glasses. I thought that I wasn't dressed very appropriately with my skirt over jeans. I had thought we'd be going shopping! I did get a pair of silver hoop earrings (and they were 500 yen, I still remember!) but I did not like them too much.

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SUMMARY The Potter family move into a new apartment complex in San Francisco. While unpacking, their young daughter Wendy is attacked by a grotesque little creature, who had long ago been transformed from a powerful wizard into a troll. Using a magic crystal green ring, he captures Wendy and possesses her form. After meeting the other eccentric tenants, the family notices Wendy’s unusual behavior (roaring, biting, tossing people across rooms, punching people in the groin), but they attribute her behavior to the stress of the move. The only one that notices something is terribly wrong is Wendy’s brother, Harry Potter Jr.

Frightened by his sister’s sudden and violent changes, he seeks solace in the company of a mysterious old woman named Eunice St. Clair, who lives upstairs. When he tells her of the strange goings-on, she reveals to him her real profession: a witch. Harry asks Eunice to teach him magic, but she says that there isn’t time. She does instruct him as to the ways of a hidden magical world, and tells him of her long history stretching back to a time when she and a powerful wizard named Torok were in love. At that time the world was divided between fairies, which includes trolls, and humans. The realms were equal and independent of each other; however, Torok and some of the fairies challenged this balance resulting in a great war in which the humans prevailed. Torok was transformed into a troll as punishment. Eunice stands guard, as she has for centuries now in her apartment, waiting patiently for Torok to challenge the realms again, which is happening now. The troll wizard has already begun his secret war, going from apartment to apartment, attacking the tenants and transforming them into mythical creatures according to their personalities, such as goblins, nymphs, an elf and a bugbear, and it transforms their rooms into lush fairy worlds. When every apartment is transformed the world of the fairies will burst forth into the world of the humans.

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Harry is told by Eunice that Torok can be stopped by plunging a magic staff into the heart of Torok’s world. Eunice tells Harry the heart of the new fairy world will be a large and vicious magical creature. Armed with magic staffs which shoot bolts of energy, Eunice and Harry launch a final attempt to stop Torok’s hostile takeover of the world and enter the troll’s magical alternate universe. Eunice is attacked by Torok and turned into a tree stump, and Harry finds his sister trapped in a coffin of glass à la Snow White. Suddenly, Torok’s great bat monster attacks and disables Harry. When it goes after Wendy, Torok kills it, destroying his carefully constructed fairy realm. As the magic world collapses around them, Harry and his family are given a chance to escape, leaving just as the police arrive. Eunice is restored to normal as well as she bids Harry farewell and departs. As the police investigate the house, one of them is drawn into a remaining fragment of the alternate fairy world. Torok’s arm rises into view, preparing to use his ring on the cop.

DEVELOPMENT TROLL began as a project Buechler conceived for Roger Corman when Buechler worked at New World Pictures on Android (1982). “Before Mausoleum, I really didn’t have much more than just an image of a troll and a little girl,” Buechler remembers. “I hadn’t decided whether it should be a fantasy or a horror film. About the time I did Android, producer Rupert Harvey was interested in new projects, so I put together a treatment of the concept as a straight horror film-a troll impersonating a little girl. I thought the idea of a monster who impersonates children would be extremely frightening. The little troll would respond very well to the love and kindness that a parent would offer, but don’t dare punish it.

Buechler dusted off the treatment when Empire topper Charles Band offered him the chance to direct after Buechler was brought in to save Ghoulies (1984. Band wanted to aim for a family oriented PG-13 rating, so Buechler had to rethink the hard-R slasher format of his original idea. Instead of having the Troll bump off the cast one-by-one in FRIDAY THE 13TH fashion, Buechler came up with the sweeter transformation idea.

“Basically, it’s still structured like a FRIDAY THE 13TH-type of picture,” said Buechler. “Instead of killing people, now the Troll does something magical and wonderful to them. The idea is that within each of us dwells multiple personalities. The Troll’s magic transforms those personalities into creatures. I gave the transformation a plant-like, organic look. People transform into enormous avacado-looking pods which burst. Inside are trees and roots and whole environments that flow out. It’s a weird concept, and it took a bit of pitching, but I got to do it.”

Originally, Buechler planned to write TROLL himself, but as he became involved with several other Empire projects, prepping the makeup effects on movies such as ZONE TROOPERS and THE ELIMINATORS while preparing to direct TROLL, he decided to bring in a writer, working with Ed Naha on the script.

Buechler had the script tailored for actor Phil Fondecaro, whom Buechler calls “perhaps the best performer I’ve ever worked with.” Fondecaro plays one of the leads who just happens to be a dwarf, and doubles as Turok the film’s Troll. Some of Buechler’s favorite sequences involve Fondecaro, when the dwarf talks about his dreams with the little girl, and another where he is transformed into a foot-tall magical creature.

PRE-PRODUCTION Buechler began sculpting the Fondecaro puppet before the film was scripted. While most of the creatures in the film are cable or hand-operated puppets, the Troll is one of a few creatures that is played by an actor in costume, with mechanically articulated features. “Fondecaro is a wonderful mime and gives the Troll nuance and character,” said Buechler.

Originally Buechler had wanted the Troll to be entirely animatronic. But Buechler anticipated doing TROLL almost a year before he got the go ahead. “I built the characters in about four weeks and they sat around for almost a year on the shelves, starting to crumble,” he said. “Suddenly, it was a go project and I had three weeks to prepare everything and patch it all up. At the time I had to get TERRORVISION started because that was the picture Empire was going to shoot immediately afterwards, and Empire’s THE ELIMINATORS was also filming in Spain. I had all three pictures to throw together in a hurry.”

Buechler’s prototype animatronic Troll appears in the picture briefly as one of the transformation creatures. Buechler says he discarded the idea of using a puppet Troll throughout because of the effects limitations. He wanted the Troll to be action-oriented, and had only five weeks to shoot all the principal photography. By having Fondecaro play the Troll Buechler was able to choreograph the Troll’s action like any other actor.

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BEHIND THE SCENES/INTERVIEWS The film contains a few ‘in’gags for followers of Empire’s product. The abode of a witch features a painting of Buechler as a warlock, with a ghoulie on his shoulder. When Noah Hathaway watches an old science fiction movie on the late, late show, the young leads in INVASION OF THE POD PEOPLE FROM MARS, are Empire producers Charles Band and Debra Dion. A doctor and his wife are played by TROLL producer Albert Band and his wife Jackie. Ratspit, a puppet Buechler created for a ten-minute sequence he directed for Empire’s THE DUNGEONMASTER, makes a return appearance as one of Sonny Bono’s fairy manifestations.

One of Buechler’s favorite pictures is THE SEVEN FACES OF DR. LAO, to which he likens TROLL. “That film featured a mystical stranger who comes into town and the people in the town are changed,” he said. “Their personalities get manifested in magical ways. TROLL has a similar heart, a similar core. It also has some fairly intense moments, when you’re not sure what’s going to happen.”

In addition to Fondecaro, Buechler wanted Noah Hathaway for the key role of Harry Potter Jr. after seeing him in The NeverEnding Story (1984). For the role of Hathaway’s father, Buechler wanted someone with Jack Nicholson’s smart ass quality combined with the mellowness of a Jimmy Stewart. Casting director Anthony Barnao suggested Michael Moriarty. Jenny Beck plays Hathaway’s sister, whom the Troll impersonates. Beck played one of Clint Eastwood’s daughters in TIGHTROPE. Gary Sandy, best known as Andy Travis in WKRP IN CINCINNATI, has a change of pace as a self-centered, dumb bodybuilder, while Sonny Bono plays a sleazy swinger who lives in the same apartment block that the Potter family moves into. June and Ann Lockhart take on the role of Eunice, a wise, refined, reserved witch-a grand old dame who becomes youthful and energetic when she’s ready to attack a problem and zip into action. The physical resemblance between the mother and daughter as well as their similar acting styles makes the transition believable.

“The Troll just wants to change things back to the way he thinks they ought to be,” said Buechler. “Once he was a magician who was transformed, and the Troll is the intelligent but mischievous part of his personality. He likes to pick on Harry Jr. (Hathaway) and scare the bejeebers out of him, but the Troll likes Harry. Trolls just want to have fun.”

To photograph the film in Italy, Buechler was lucky to get Romano Albani, who has photographed some of Dario Argento’s pictures. Buechler wanted the lighting to suggest the difference between the fairylands and the real world. In addition, the film has a rich and detailed production design for a low-budget film, courtesy of Giovanna Natlucci.

Filming on TROLL progressed smoothly. Coming from an effects background, Buechler said he knew the importance of preparation. Previously, his second-unit work often consisted of helping bail out other productions, experience which held him in good stead. Buechler was able to film about 37 set-ups a day. He even described directing TROLL as “almost a working vacation.” He also credited help from Charles and Albert Band in being active producers for making the shoot smoother.

SPECIAL EFFECTS One of the major transformations in the film is Sonny Bono’s. As Bono was only available for a couple of days, Buechler used a double for the makeup sequence. Three stages were built of Bono turning into a cocoon, using appliances sculpted to look like Bono which were applied to John Vulich. The transformation switches from Bono, tensing and flexing and developing color on his face, to Vulich.

Camera movements and cuts disguise the transition between stages. Bladders puff out and distort the face, which then collapses to a cocoon-like form, which turns gourd-like. A cut to a miniature heralds the opening of the gourd, which sprouts a fairy kingdom, done stop-motion by Jim Aupperle, with vines growing to encompass Bono’s apartment. Vulich, who doubled for Bono, also served as the supervising makeup artist for TROLL.

In addition to directing, Buechler also supervised the makeup work for the film, supplied by his company, Mechanical and Makeup Imageries, Inc. Buechler sculpts with WED clay, a water-based clay developed by Walt Disney. From Buechler’s sculpture a mold is made using Ultracal 30, a very hard-setting gypsum cement that doesn’t powder and crack very easily. The mold is taken apart and cleaned out. A thin layer of clay is pressed into the mold in order to make another mold for the core of the puppet, which will contain the skeletal structure and mechanisms. Buechler casts the core in fiberglass and the outer skin in foam rubber.

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For articulation, cables and levers are hooked up to the puppets wherever a muscle might be. For lip snarls, a bar near the lip is inserted which can be pulled up or released. For the hands, elastic material is attached to both sides of the fingers so that they are constantly outstretched and erect with the elastic material acting as tendons. When a greater force is applied to the cable muscles that control the fingers, they curl and flex.

Buechler used to employ rubber based paint to color the puppets, but now uses Dick Smith’s innovation called pax paint, an acrylic paint with a prosthetic adhesive base, which is extremely flexible and long lasting. Hair for the puppets is glued on or punched in, depending on whether it is a foreground or background character.

One of the tricks Buechler often uses is the addition of K Y jelly to a puppet’s mouth to make it look like it is salivating. He also likes to accentuate the grotesque by employing harsh, contrast lighting. To help make such lighting more effective, Buechler tends to oversculpt his creations, giving them deeper wrinkles, and outward features that are contrasted with depressed features, contours that break up the light and stand out.

When Sonny Bono undergoes a strange metamorphosis in TROLL the makeup effects of director John Carl Buechler are climaxed by the stop-motion artistry of Jim Aupperle, requiring a remarkably detailed miniature set. Because Empire Pictures vacillated on the start date of TROLL, Aupperle was unable to do preproduction preparation before he left the production site in Italy to photograph rear projection process plates for the film’s stop-motion sequences. Since a miniature replica of the set of Sonny Bono’s apartment was required for the effects scenes, Aupperle measured the set carefully, including every piece of furniture, magazine, wineglass, or knickknack, and photographed the set so that it could be duplicated exactly for the smoothest possible transition from live-action to stop-motion footage.

Miniatures were built by James Belohovek, who worked with Aupperle on THE THING. Belohovek built all miniature components except glassware (wine goblets and bottle) which was handled by John Matthews, and a small statue of Buddha, which Mark Wallace built to match that on the original set.

Belohovek also assisted Aupperle in making the tree-like vines, which were based on store-bought plastic plants. Leaves were stripped off and attached to wire armatures and altered so that they could be made to grow. In the final shots, the vines from Bono’s cocoon are both moving and growing. The shots took from 9-14 hours each to do (a total of four shots lasting a mere two seconds each), but as the growth got extensive, some shots required the movement of 40-50 vines. To help him with the more active shots, Aupperle was assisted by Gail Anderson. Even so, a single frame took from 15-20 minutes to film. Once photographed, Aupperle ran photo tests on the footage to see that the color and the lighting matched.

“I went so far as to get some of the original negative from Italy that showed the actual set,” said Aupperle. “I’d use that as kind of a control batch. And I’d have my tests printed by Motion Opticals so they’d be on the same piece of film. I could compare the print from their negative to the print from our negative side by side to make sure that not only the details matched, but also colors and shadows.” Motion Opticals also added a small lap dissolve to the stop-motion scenes to give them a slight blur and cut down on strobing. The outfit also added the glow to the Troll’s ring and rotoscope-animated one of the magical transitions.

In addition to the Bono transformation, Aupperle also provided five shots of giant plant tentacles popping through the roof of Bono’s apartment building. To build the tentacles, Aupperle used the joints that were left over from the tail of the Snakeman he animated in Dreamscape (1984)

“I photographed the plates with a Mitchell that we register-tested in Italy,” said Aupperle. “In the foreground, we had people reacting as if they’re seeing something happening on the roof of the apartment. And when we brought it back here, I had process plates made from that negative. We used a contrast masking process that has been devised over the years by people like Bob Costa and Jim Danforth. It’s a process that lowers the contrast in process-projected plates so that composites have more of a first generation look; it improves the amount of detail you can get out of your plate.

Aupperle filmed the stop-motion composites using front projection, with split screens in various places so the vines could come out from behind the building. Aupperle animated bits of debris being pushed up and falling away. A few split screens ran down the front of the building so that vines could appear to come over the front.

“It was a subtle effect,” said Aupperle. “I wanted to be able to show them come over and not be confined to the sky area. I also did little things to try to sell the shot. Since the liveaction photography had been shot with a full silent aperture I was able to take advantage of the extra area on the top and bottom of my process plates and do a little tilt on the composite shot. As the vine comes out, the camera tilts up, like a cameraman would follow the action. It was something to take the edge off a process shot and make it look more like it had been shot on location rather than locked-off because you can’t violate the split screen.”

To help establish the Italian locations as taking place in San Francisco, a matte painting of the Golden Gate Bridge, painted by Stephen Burg, was added as an afterthought during filming in Italy. The shot has a somewhat fanciful look to it that Aupperle compares to Peter Ellenshaw’s work.

“TROLL had a much smaller budget than I usually work with,” said Aupperle. “We did the same number of shots on this as I did on DREAMSCAPE, and the budget was considerably smaller. In this case the producers had a very good idea of what they wanted going in, so we were able to give them a lot more for their money.

CONCLUSION Despite Troll’s mixed reviews and far-from-blockbuster grosses, Buechler insists that for him at least, Troll succeeded on many levels. “I am very pleased from what I got out of it,” Buechler explains. “Troll worked in a number of ways. The whole picture was created within five weeks of principal photography with one week for special FX. That’s really nothing for a picture of that scale. The total cost was under a million. Considering all the things going against me in that situation–where time was of the essence-I am very pleased with the overall product.”

CAST/CREW Directed John Carl Buechler

Produced Albert Band

Written Ed Naha

Noah Hathaway as Harry Potter Jr. Michael Moriarty as Harry Potter Sr. Shelley Hack as Anne Potter Jenny Beck as Wendy Anne Potter Sonny Bono as Peter Dickinson Phil Fondacaro as Malcolm Malory and Torok the Troll Anne Lockhart as Young Eunice St. Clair Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Jeanette Cooper Gary Sandy as Barry Tabor June Lockhart as Eunice St. Clair

CREDITS/REFERENCES/SOURCES/BIBLIOGRAPHY Cinefantastique v16n01 Fangoria#54

Troll (1986) Retrospective SUMMARY The Potter family move into a new apartment complex in San Francisco. While unpacking, their young daughter Wendy is attacked by a grotesque little creature, who had long ago been transformed from a powerful wizard into a troll.

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15 Personal Statement Examples 2020 (UPDATED)

https://www.chinesescholarshipcouncil.com/?p=3750&wpwautoposter=1587626766 The Personal Statement Examples are very precious to find on the internet, here are 15  Personal Statement Examples you can download and make it fit according to your requirement. Personal Statement Examples #1 My interest in science dates back to my years in high school, where I excelled in physics, chemistry, and math. When I was a senior, I took a first-year calculus course at a local college (such an advanced-level class was not available in high school) and earned an A. It seemed only logical that I pursue a career in electrical engineering. When I began my undergraduate career, I had the opportunity to be exposed to the full range of engineering courses, all of which tended to reinforce and solidify my intense interest in engineering. I’ve also had the opportunity to study a number of subjects in the humanities and they have been both enjoyable and enlightening, providing me with a new and different perspective on the world in which we live. In the realm of engineering, I have developed a special interest in the field of laser technology and have even been taking a graduate course in quantum electronics. Among the 25 or so students in the course, I am the sole undergraduate. Another particular interest of mine is electromagnetics, and last summer, when I was a technical assistant at a world-famous local lab, I learned about its many practical applications, especially in relation to microstrip and antenna design. Management at this lab was sufficiently impressed with my work to ask that I return when I graduate. Of course, my plans following completion of my current studies are to move directly into graduate work toward my master’s in science. After I earn my master’s degree, I intend to start work on my Ph.D. in electrical engineering. Later I would like to work in the area of research and development for the private industry. It is in R & D that I believe I can make the greatest contribution, utilizing my theoretical background and creativity as a scientist. I am highly aware of the superb reputation of your school, and my conversations with several of your alumni have served to deepen my interest in attending. I know that, in addition to your excellent faculty, your computer facilities are among the best in the state. I hope you will give me the privilege of continuing my studies at your fine institution. Personal Statement Examples #2 Having majored in literary studies (world literature) as an undergraduate, I would now like to concentrate on English and American literature. I am especially interested in nineteenth-century literature, women’s literature, Anglo-Saxon poetry, and folklore and folk literature. My personal literary projects have involved some combination of these subjects. For the oral section of my comprehensive exams, I specialized in nineteenth-century novels by and about women. The relationship between “high” and folk literature became the subject for my honors essay, which examined Toni Morrison’s use of classical, biblical, African, and Afro-American folk tradition in her novel. I plan to work further on this essay, treating Morrison’s other novels and perhaps preparing a paper suitable for publication. In my studies toward a doctoral degree, I hope to examine more closely the relationship between high and folk literature. My junior year and private studies of Anglo-Saxon language and literature have caused me to consider the question of where the divisions between folklore, folk literature, and high literature lie. Should I attend your school, I would like to resume my studies of Anglo-Saxon poetry, with special attention to its folk elements. Writing poetry also figures prominently in my academic and professional goals. I have just begun submitting to the smaller journals with some success and am gradually building a working manuscript for a collection. The dominant theme of this collection relies on poems that draw from classical, biblical, and folk traditions, as well as everyday experience, in order to celebrate the process of giving and taking life, whether literal or figurative. My poetry draws from and influences my academic studies. Much of what I read and the study finds a place in my creative work as the subject. At the same time, I study the art of literature by taking part in the creative process, experimenting with the tools used by other authors in the past. In terms of a career, I see myself teaching literature, writing criticism, and going into editing or publishing poetry. Doctoral studies would be valuable to me in several ways. First, your teaching assistant ship program would provide me with the practical teaching experience I am eager to acquire. Further, earning a Ph.D. in English and American literature would advance my other two career goals by adding to my skills, both critical and creative, in working with language. Ultimately, however, I see the Ph.D. as an end in itself, as well as a professional stepping stone; I enjoy studying literature for its own sake and would like to continue my studies on the level demanded by the Ph.D. program. Personal Statement Examples #3 As the sun was going down, the rain began to fall. Alongside the road there were sirens and flashing lights next to a black vehicle; it was completely destroyed. I was unconscious, stuck inside the vehicle. EMS extricated me and transported me to the hospital. It was not until the next day I finally woke up and tried to lift myself out of bed; the pain I felt caused me to scream, “Mom!” My mother rushed into the room, “Ashley, stop moving around, you are only going to make it more painful” she said. The expression on my face showed nothing more than a complete blank. “What happened, and why is there a sling on me?” The ambulance took me to the hospital in our home town, and after hours passed by they told my mother that my scans and tests came back fine, put a sling on me, and sent me home … while still not fully conscious. The day after, I had follow up visits in the next city over with completely different physicians. It turned out the extent of my injuries were worse than we were told, and had to have surgery immediately. Suffering from complications following the accident was an obstacle, but the care received at the time and over the next few years during recovery made me understand the importance of skilled physicians and physician assistants (PAs). In the past year, I have grown and learned even more than I thought I could in my current position as a medical assistant in the Neuro-otology specialty. Working as a medical assistant for the past two years has been a rewarding learning experience. One of the main priorities of my position is to take a very detailed description of the patient’s condition/chief complaint of their visit. Doing this has allowed me to gain an extensive amount of knowledge on the inner ear and vestibular system, and on how they both work in conjunction with one another. Through my work I am able to help patients and the feeling in return is an incredible sentiment. A little after I began working at the clinic, I was awarded a larger role through learning how to complete the Canalith Repositioning Maneuver on patients suffering from Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo. After successful applications of the procedures, it is clear from their emotions that I make positive impacts on the patient’s daily life. The joyful smile on their faces immediately brightens my whole day. Volunteer efforts, shadowing, and post university medical experience solidified that there was no other profession I desired more. Witnessing the team of a doctor and PA work together at Moffitt Cancer Center furthered my excitement of the position. I was captivated by their partnership and the PAs ability to simultaneously work independently. The PA spoke highly of the opportunity to study and practice multiple specialties. Through all of my learning and experience it occurred to me that my love for medicine is so broad, that it would be impossible for me to just focus on one aspect of medicine. Knowing that I have the option to experience nearly any specialty entices me, and having the opportunity to treat and diagnose patients instead of standing in the background observing would give me great pleasure. While continuously battling the setbacks of my accident, the socioeconomic status forced upon me the task of a full time job while trying to obtain an education. The outcome of these hardships led to substandard grades in my freshman and sophomore years. Once accepted at University of South Florida I succeeded in completing all PA requirements with a vast improvement in my academics creating an upward trend in GPA through graduation. As a result of my success, I realized I had moved forward from what I thought would hold me back forever; my accident is now just a motivator for future obstacles. With a career as a PA, I know my answer to “how was your day” will always be, “life changing.” In my work I am fortunate enough to change lives in similar ways as the PA I strive to be, which is what drives me. I am determined and will not ever abandon this dream, goal, and life purpose. Outside of my qualifications on paper, I have been told that I am a compassionate, friendly, and a strong woman. Years from today, through my growth and experience as a PA, I will evolve to be a role model for someone with the same qualities and professional objectives as I have today. I chose PA because I love working as a team. Helping others makes me feel like I have a purpose, and there is no other profession that I would rather be in. Admittance to a respectable program is not the beginning or the end … it is the next step of my journey to become a reflection of who I admire. Personal Statement Examples #4 A three year old boy has severe sinusitis that has caused the eyelids of his right eye to swell and his fever to spike. His mother is beginning to worry because every specialist she has visited has not been able to alleviate her child’s symptoms. It has been three days and she is at another hospital waiting to see yet another specialist. While the mother is sitting in the waiting room a passing doctor takes notice of her son and exclaims to her, “I can help this boy.” After a brief examination, the doctor informs the mother that her son has an infected sinus. The boy’s sinus is drained and he is given antibiotics to treat the infection. The mother breathes a sigh of relief; her son’s symptoms are finally mitigated. I was the sick child in that story. That is one of my earliest memories; it was from the time when I lived in Ukraine. I still wonder how such a simple diagnosis was overlooked by several physicians; perhaps it was an example of the inadequate training healthcare professionals received in post-Cold War Ukraine. The reason I still remember that encounter is the pain and discomfort of having my sinus drained. I was conscious during the procedure and my mother had to restrain me while the doctor drained my sinus. I remember that having my sinus drained was so excruciating that I told the doctor, “When I grow up I will become a doctor so I can do this to you!” When I reminisce about that experience I still tell myself that I would like to work in health care, but my intentions are no longer vengeful. After researching various health care professions I realized that physician assistant is the one for me. I have several reasons for pursuing a career as a PA. Firstly the PA profession has a bright future; according to the Bureau of Labor statistics employment for physician assistants is projected to grow 38 percent from 2020 to 2022. Secondly the flexibility of the PA of the profession is appealing to me; I would like to build an eclectic repertoire of experiences and skills when it comes to delivering medical care. Thirdly I would be able to work autonomously and collaboratively with a health care team to diagnose and treat individuals. The fourth and most important reason is that I would be able to directly influence people in a positive way. Working for homecare services I have had several people tell me that they prefer PAs over physicians, because physician assistants are able to take their time to effectively communicate with their patients. I know that to become a physician assistant academic excellence is imperative so I would like to take the time to explain the discrepancies in my transcript. During my freshman and sophomore year my grades were not great and there is no excuse for that. In my first two years of college I was more concerned with socializing than I was with academia. I chose to spend most of my time going to parties and because of it my grades suffered. Although I had a lot of fun I came to the realization the fun would not last forever. I knew that to fulfill my dream of working in health care I would have to change my ways. Starting with my junior year I made school my priority and my grades improved markedly. My grades in the second two years of my college career are a reflection of me as an engaged student. I will continue striving to achieve my terminal goal of becoming a physician assistant, because I look forward to the first time a worried mother comes to the hospital with her sick child and I will be able to say, “I can help this boy!” Personal Statement Examples #5 Completely re-edited my PS. This draft feels alot stronger. Please let me know what you think. Thanks. “The two most important days in your life are the day you’re born and the day you find out why”. This quote from Mark Twain comes to mind when describing why I aspire to become a Physician Assistant. The journey to finding one’s professional “why” can be tough, it can sometimes force one to settle and give up on the journey altogether but in other cases, cases of so many who have genuine love in what they do, it requires constant self-reflection, faith and unyielding determination to continue on. Early on in my academic career I lacked the maturity to grasp this concept, I wasn’t committed to the process of learning and was without intrinsic motivation to dedicate myself to it. I knew I wanted a career in medicine but when asked difficult questions of why, I could only give the generic answer, “Because I want to help people”. That reason wasn’t enough, I needed something more, something that could drive me to work night shifts and head to school immediately after, something that could push me to retake courses and pursue a Masters degree. To find this “why” I became child-like, asking many questions, majority of them beginning with why. Why was it important for me to help people through medicine? Why not a trainer, a physician or a nurse? Why not anything else? Through this journey I began four years ago, I’ve learned that an individuals “why” is a place where one’s passions and skills meet their community’s needs and as I’ve been exposed to many facets of health, I’ve discovered my passion for fitness and health is the foundation of my “why”. The day I found this “why” came subtly, from a simple yet profound article clipping that remains posted on my wall today. A “wonder pill “ Dr. Robert Butler described, that could prevent and treat many diseases but more importantly prolong the length and quality of life. The drug was exercise and as he surmised, “If it could be packed into a pill it would the most widely prescribed and beneficial medicine in the nation”. From these words my “why” began taking shape, I began wondering what could happen to our health care system if prevention was emphasized and people were given the directions and interventions needed to not only solve their health issues but to live healthier lives. I wondered what I could do to be part of the solution, how I could play a role in delivering a care that considered multiple influences and multiple methods for treating and preventing diseases, while also advocating optimal health and well-being. With the recent reforms to healthcare I believed that a system emphasizing prevention could become an actuality and with many people given access to it a better kind provider would be needed. Providers, in my opinion, that understands the roles of nutrition, fitness and behavior modifications on health. Providers that understand that curative or palliative methods that wait until patients are sick, in many cases beyond repair before stepping in, can no longer be a standard practice. From interning with trainers and wellness coaches in health centers, to working with nurses and techs in the hospital, to shadowing PAs and Physicians during rounds or in underserved clinics, I‘ve not only gained valuable experiences but I have been able to see exactly what makes each profession great. Each profession has aspects that interest me but as I have researched and dissected each of these careers, plucking pieces where I find my greatest skills meeting what I am passionate about, I found myself at the doorstep of a career as a Physician Assistant. Working at Florida Hospital, I relish in the team-based effort that I’ve learned is quite necessary in providing quality care. I thoroughly enjoy my interactions with patients and working in communities where English may not be the primary language but forces you to go out and learn to become a better caregiver. I’ve learned exactly where my “why” is. It is in a profession centered on this team-based effort, it focuses on the patient and the trust between the physician and the health care team, not on the insurance, management or the business side of medicine. It is a profession whose purpose comes from improving and expanding our health care system, a field with the ability to not only diagnose and treat diseases but also with the expectation to promote health through education. It is a profession where I can be a lifetime-learner, where stagnation isn’t even a possibility, with many specialties in which I can learn. Most importantly it is a career whose role in this evolving health care system is etched to be on the front line in its delivery, the key to integrating both wellness and medicine to combat and prevent diseases. The journey to this conclusion hasn’t been easy but I am grateful because my“ why” is now simple and unmistakable. I have been placed on this earth to serve, educate and advocate wellness through medicine as a Physician Assistant. In summation, my “why” has become my favorite question. Personal Statement Examples #6 The easiest decision I ever made was choosing to play soccer when I was seven years old. Fifteen years later, after finishing four years of Division I collegiate soccer, I made the most difficult decision thus far in my life. Knowing that I was not going to play for the U.S. Women’s National Team, I had to pursue a different dream. The summer after my college graduation, I transitioned from playing soccer to coaching, while figuring out a career path to pursue. At one of the first practices I coached, I witnessed a girl get caught up in a net and hit her head on a pole. My instincts told me to run over and help. I advised a parent to call 9-1-1 while I checked to see if the girl was alert. She was in and out of consciousness for about two minutes before she was able to look at me and tell me her name. I talked to her to keep her awake until the paramedics arrived to take over. Even while the paramedics assessed her, she did not want me to leave. I held her hand until it was time for her to be transported. In that moment, it was clear to me that helping others was my calling. At the same time I started coaching, I began volunteering at Los Angeles Harbor-UCLA Medical Center. I shadowed emergency room (ER) doctors, orthopedic doctors, and general practitioners. Naturally, my athletic career drew me in towards Orthopedics. I spent most of my time watching how doctors, physician assistants (PAs), nurses, and technicians interacted with patients. Similar to soccer, teamwork is a key component of patient care. I was amazed at how smooth the process was to prepare for a trauma patient in the ER. It was not as chaotic as I had expected. The communications center alerted the trauma team that a 79 year-old female patient with head trauma was on its way. From there, the trauma team prepared a room for the patient. When the patient arrived, it was like watching a well-rehearsed play. Every team member knew his/her role and performed it flawlessly despite the high-pressure situation. In that moment, I felt the same adrenaline rush I got during my soccer games and knew that I had to pursue a career in the medical field. Although I was introduced to the idea of becoming a PA, my eyes were set on becoming a doctor. So, I applied for medical school. After being rejected from medical school, I debated applying again. After shadowing PAs at Harbor-UCLA, I did research on becoming a PA. What stood out the most to me was the flexibility of a PA to work in different medical specialties. Also, in the orthopedic department, I noticed that the PAs had more time to spend with patients discussing rehabilitation options and infection prevention after their surgeries. This type of patient care was more along the lines of what I wanted to do. So, my next step was to become an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) to fulfill the work experience requirement for my PA application. Working as an EMT turned out to be more meaningful than just being a pre-requisite for PA school. Whether the complaints were medical or traumatic, these patients were meeting me on the worst day of their lives. One call we had was a Spanish-speaking only patient who complained of left knee pain. Since I was the only Spanish speaker on scene, I translated for the paramedics. The medics concluded that the patient could be transported to the hospital code 2, no paramedic follow-up and no lights and sirens necessary, since it appeared to be localized knee pain. En route to the hospital, I noticed a foul smell coming from the patient. Suddenly, the patient became unresponsive so we upgraded our transport and used our lights and sirens to get there faster. Upon our arrival the patient started coming around. The triage nurse approached us and noticed the foul smell as well. The nurse had us put the patient into a bed right away and said that the patient might be septic. I thought, but where? Later that day, we checked up on the patient and found out that she was in the late stages of breast cancer. On scene, she failed to mention the open wounds she thoroughly wrapped up on her breasts because that was not her chief complaint. She also did not mention it as part of her pertinent medical history. Her knee was hurting due to osteoporosis from the cancer cells metastasizing to her bones. This call always stuck with me because it made me realize that I want to be able to diagnose and treat patients. As a PA, I would be able to do both. All of my life experiences have led me to realize that I want to be a part of a medical team as a physician assistant. To be able to study multiple medical specialties, diagnose, and treat would allow me to come full circle in patient care. As much as I love pre-hospital care, I have always wanted to do more. Given the opportunity, as a PA, I will take on the challenges of patient care in a hospital setting and look forward to being able to follow through with all of my patients to the end of their care. Personal Statement Examples #7 A young, cheerful volleyball player came to my training room complaining of back pain during her off-season. Two weeks later, she died from Leukemia. Two years later her brother, a former state champion football player, was diagnosed with a different type of Leukemia. He fought hard for a year, but he too succumbed to the same disease that took the life of his baby sister. A girl in her sophomore year of high school sought my advice because she was concerned about a small bump on her back. After a few weeks of observing she returned complaining of back pain along with an increase in the size of the original bump. Recognizing this was beyond my expertise, I referred her to her pediatrician, who then recommended she see another medical specialist. Following extensive testing she was diagnosed with Stage IV Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. After recently dealing with the loss of two young athletes, this news was shocking. Fortunately, over the next year and a half, this young lady battled and beat the cancer in time to complete her senior year and walk across the stage at graduation with her classmates. I was elated for her, but began reflecting on the limitations of my position as an athletic trainer. These events also prompted me to evaluate my life, my career, and my goals. I felt compelled to investigate my options. After doing so, I was determined to expand my knowledge and increase my ability to serve others and decided the correct path for me was to become a Physician Assistant. During my career thus far as an athletic trainer, I have had the privilege of working at a wide variety of locations. These include an acute care in-patient hospital, working with post surgical patients; a family practice and sports medicine office, performing initial evaluations; an outpatient therapy clinic, working with rehab patients; an orthopedic surgeon’s office, shadowing patient visits and surgeries; and many universities and high schools, working with a variety of athletic injuries. My experiences in these diverse settings have shown me the need for all degrees of medical personnel. Each field has its own purpose in the proper care of the patient. As an athletic trainer I have seen a range of injuries that I could diagnose and treat myself. But it has always been the ones that I had to refer to the team doctor that weighed on me, making me feel that I should be able to help even more. As a physician assistant, I would possess the knowledge and skills needed to diagnose and provide the care needed for my patients. My position as the high school athletic trainer allows me to get acquainted with all of the athletes, however, to be even more effective I get involved in the community of the school and strive to learn more about the people with whom I work. For the last three years I have been a substitute teacher for the junior and senior high school. I have also volunteered for many functions that the school provides for the students including school dances, the community-based alcohol prevention program called Every 15 Minutes, and the annual junior and senior retreat which involves a true bonding experience for all participants. Developing meaningful relationships with the students enhances my effectiveness by opening lines of communication and building trust. It is my firm belief that a patient will only speak openly about a self-perceived flaw including injury with someone he or she feels comfortable. I sincerely want to be that person for my athletes now, and for my patients in the future. The diverse injuries, illnesses, and diseases I have encountered as athletic trainer have provided me with a variety of wonderful experiences. I have witnessed both tragedy and triumph with my athletes and coaches, on and off of the field or court. Most injuries have been inconsequential in the long term, even to those experiencing the pain in the moment. They know that they will heal and progress in their sport and continue on their journey in life. Fighting for and winning state championships is all well and good, but there are far more important concerns in this life we live. I have witnessed young lives being taken, and those who battled relentlessly to overcome all obstacles, and it is these individuals who have changed how I view medicine, how I view myself, and how I view my future in the world of medicine. These people have enriched my life and have taken ahold of my heart and mind, motivating me to push forward. “Keep going. Keep fighting. Keep battling.” The powerful motto of our basketball coach living with advanced Cystic Fibrosis has been a significant incentive for me. He was told he would live a much shorter and less satisfying life, but he never gave in to his diagnosis. He made his life what he wanted it to be, overcoming many obstacles and living out his dreams. Seeing him fight for each day of his life has had tremendous influence on me. I know it is my time to fight for what I want and keep moving forward. Personal Statement Examples #8 I would really appreciate if someone could tell me if I’m hitting any of the right points in my essay! The door flew open and slammed against the adjacent wall. The room was dark and all I could make out were figures and the noise of chatter and children crying. As my eyes adjusted to the sharp contrast in darkness from the blaring sun outside, I made my way to the counter. “Sign in,” said a voice and I looked down to see a chewed up pin and a pile of ripped up pieces of paper, on which I wrote my name and date of birth. The voice came out again “have a seat; we’ll call you when we’re ready.” I turned to see a room, no bigger than a two bedroom apartment, full of young women and children of various ages. I took a seat and waited for my turn to be seen at my local health department. As an adolescent without health insurance, I have seen first-hand the demand for providers that can offer available healthcare. My experiences at the local health department made me dread going, never knowing if I would see the same provider again. Like many others in my situation, I just stopped going. After these experiences, I knew I wanted to be the stability for the underprivileged and financially burdened. I began my role in healthcare as a pharmacy technician. It was this job that solidified my interests in the science of medicine. It was also this exposure which showed me that primary care providers play a huge role in the health system. However, it was not until I began working in registration for the Emergency Department of my local hospital that I could see just how important this role is; patients sitting for hours to be seen for a fever and headache because they do not have any other option for healthcare. These observations pushed me to continue in medicine. After moving home to pursue this career, I climbed my way from a unit secretary to a patient care technician where I had my first hands-on experiences with patients. I remember a particular incident where while I was assisting a patient to the bathroom, she began sweating and complaining of blurred vision. I immediately called for someone to come in so I could check her blood sugar levels; it was 37 mg/Dl. With the nurse by my side, we got Ms. Kay safely to the bed and began treating her with intravenous glucose. I was so excited and proud of myself for recognizing the symptoms and being able to react without hesitation. It is moments like this one that I recognize my desires are not only to treat patients, but also diagnose illnesses. After working closely with many health providers for nearly ten years, none stood out to me like Mike, a physician assistant on the cardiothoracic surgery unit. I have seen him take the extra time to go over every medication a patient had not only to ensure there was no drug interactions but to explain and write down the uses of each for when they returned home. When this patient needs a refill, instead of asking for “the little blue pill,” they will confidently ask for their blood pressure medication. Understanding these problems and taking the time to address them through patient education and support can greatly improve the quality of life for those in our communities. PAs help to carry out this idea of preventive medicine over episodic care as a team. A team-based care system is very important to me. I learned the value of a solid support network while struggling after the death of my cousin. The pain of losing my best friend, and the personal disappointment I felt after failing two semesters, made it difficult for me to continue on my career path confidently. However, with the backing and trust of my peers, much like a PA in their practice, I was able to push forward and overcome these trials. I was taught stress-management and determination through these hardships and they will aid me as I endeavor this challenging and evolving career as a PA. With my professional training in the medical field, I have a good understanding and appreciate everyone’s roles in healthcare. We come from several backgrounds and experiences that allow us to integrate together and ultimately provide better patient care. I am confident in my ability to translate my skills into my studies as well as future practice and become a successful PA. I am also confident in my ability to relate and help close the gap in available healthcare as a primary care provider. Personal Statement Examples #9 “My chest hurts.” Anyone in the medical field knows this is a statement that cannot simply be brushed off. Mary was a patient we brought to and from dialysis three times a week. At the young age of 88, her mind was starting to go and her history of CVA rendered her hemiplegic, reliant on us for transport. Mary would stare through us and continue conversations with her late husband, insist she was being rained on while in the ambulance, and manipulate us into doing things we would never consider for another patient, i.e. adjust pillows an absurd amount of times, and hold her limp arm in the air for the entirety of the 40 minute transport, leaving you down a full PCR. But, it was Mary, and Mary held a special place in our hearts just out of sheer desire to please her in the slightest- never successfully, might I add. Mary complained about everything, but nothing at the same time. So, that Thursday afternoon when she nonchalantly stated she had chest pain, it raised some red flags. With a trainee on board, the three man crew opted to run the patient to the ER three miles up the road, emergent, rather than waiting for ALS. I ran the call, naturally, it was Mary, and she was my patient. Vitals stable, patient denies breathing difficulty and any other symptoms. During the two minute transport I called in the report over the wail of the sirens, “history of CVA and… CVA. Mary look at me. Increased facial drooping; stoke alert, pulling in now.” Mary always had facial drooping, slurring, and left sided weakness, but it was worse. I’ve taken her every week for six months, but this time I was sitting on her right side. We took her straight to CT, and I have not since seen her. Mary was my patient, and everyone knew it. We hear “life is too short” all the time, but how many people have been on scene after a heartbroken mother rolled over on her four-month-old, and you work that child like its your own, knowing she’s been down too long. As a healthcare provider, you have those patients that make it all worth it; That remind you why you keep going back for the MVAs, amputations, overdoses, three year old with fishhook in his eye, 2 year old down a flight of stairs, Alzheimer’s patient who doesn’t understand why they’re being strapped to the stretcher, 302 who pulls a gun, pancreatic cancer patient who vomits blood on you while you’re at the bottom of the stairchair and there’s not a thing you can do about it until you get down two more flights of stairs. My ambulance is my office. EMS has given me more experience, hope and disappointment than I could have ever asked for as an undergraduate. It has done nothing short of fuel my desire for advancement in the medical field. “The contest is a lion fight. So chin up, put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don’t lick your wounds. Celebrate them. The scars you bear are the sign of a competitor. You’re in a lion’s fight. Just because you didn’t win, doesn’t mean you don’t know how to roar.” The countless hours of procrastination watching the medical inaccuracies of Grey’s Anatomy, the breathtaking visuals in House MD, and the thrill of ER, have, if nothing else, given me hope. Hope that someone will see past my mediocre GPA and undergraduate transcript, and afford me the second chance I know I deserve. I proved my capability and motivation in high school and my last two years of college when I refocused my goals and plan. I am ready, prepared, and willing to do whatever it takes to reach my aspiration of providing the highest quality care of which I am capable. If you are not ready at this moment to put faith in me, I will do whatever it takes to get to that point, whether it be retaking classes, or investing another $40,000 in my education to excel in a post-baccalaureate program. After years of dabbling in medical occupations, I have finally found the one I want, and my desire to live and learn has never been stronger. Personal Statement Examples #10 I have since reworked my essay and would prefer that the second copy be considered if possible. I am about 150 characters over the limit and I am not sure what to cut or where. I also am working on conveying the message of why I want to be a PA and what I can offer that is unique. Any help is greatly appreciated! I’ve learned a lot of important lessons while shadowing a physician assistant in the emergency room this summer: always clean up your own sharps, communicate with other ER staff members to effectively work as a team, never talk about how “quiet” a day is, and that a warm blanket and a smile go a long way in patient care. Most importantly, I learned how much I love coming in to the hospital each day, excited to interact with a wide variety of patients and have a positive impact, no matter how small, in their healthcare experience. Shadowing in a level II trauma center granted me opportunities to develop my own personal philosophy about patient care, as well as furthered my desire to pursue a career as a PA in this field. My biggest inspiration to become a PA, however, started well before I ever shadowed in a hospital but from something much closer to home. It was the summer before my final year at Miami when I got the text from my dad. He had been sick for a few weeks and finally went to the hospital for routine blood work. Doctor’s visits used to be rare for him, as he is an ER physician and seemed to never get sick. When the results came in, they immediately admitted him to Cleveland Clinic Main Campus. He told me he was fine and not to worry, all while joking about getting a room with the Indians game on, so I believed him. The next morning his tests were back – he had acute lymphoblastic leukemia. His first thirty days of routine high-volume chemotherapy were cut short when he acquired an infection and spiraled into total organ failure. He was in the ICU for roughly two months, during which time he drifted in and out of comas and had, as he phrased it, “a visit from every specialist except gynecology.” When he finally regained consciousness after two weeks of dialysis, he was so weak he could not sit up unassisted so he spent two more months at an inpatient rehabilitation facility before he was finally allowed to come home on Christmas Eve. It was the best present a girl could ask for, but not without its challenges. He was still very weak and wheelchair-bound. He had to take handfuls of pills several times a day, and needed his blood sugar checked before each meal due to the steroids. The house had to be regularly scrubbed from top to bottom due to his low neutrophil count. When I was younger and my mother suffered two strokes, my father had been the one that had kept our family together. Our upside down world felt like a nightmare. I learned to do fingersticks and insulin injections gently, so as not to bruise his paper-thin skin. I taught him how to flush his PICC line when it became clogged (a trick I learned from my own experience with IV antibiotics to treat osteomyelitis a year prior). When he started walking, I learned to block his knees with my hands so he wouldn’t fall too far forward after he lost most of his proprioception and motor control from peripheral neuropathy. I had a tough choice to make: return to school and continue pursuing my degree, or stay home and help my mother. I stayed in Cleveland for as long as I could, but eventually went back to school the day before spring semester started. I continued to come home as often as I could. Our schedule wasn’t the only thing that changed – because my father was unable to work, our lifestyle changed considerably due to the financial strain from hospital bills. We now considered ease of access everywhere we travelled to make sure it was safe for his wheelchair. One night, my mother confided that she had never spent so much time with my father in the entirety of their marriage. Cancer is not only a physical fight but a myriad of battles that accompany the diagnosis. Standing strong with my family through all of these hurdles has helped me to develop a comprehensive and unique perspective on the challenges that health issues bring to patients and their families. My father has since returned to work in the ER, and continues to greet patients with a smile, grateful to be alive and healthy enough to practice medicine. Even before my father got sick, I was in love with medicine, too. From a young age, I questioned the world around me with a thirst for answers that never waned. As I learned body systems in anatomy and physiology, I looked at illness and injury as a puzzle waiting to be solved. When I was taking care of my dad, he told me I should look into PA school. He said “if you love medicine and actually want to spend time with patients, become a Physician Assistant.” In my time shadowing in the Emergency Department, I have found this to be very true. While the doctors intercept phone calls from specialists and chart lengthy notes, the PAs are in the room with patients, performing a review of symptoms or suturing lacerations all while keeping the patient informed and calm to ameliorate stress levels. The positive impact on the patient care experience is palpable. I want to apply the same compassion and understanding that I have acquired during my own family’s experiences and those from shadowing in the emergency room in order to better someone else’s health care experience. Personal Statement Examples #11 “Whether you know it or not, you do have the power to touch the lives of everyone you encounter and make their day just a little bit better.” I once heard a resident named Mary console her peer who was feeling useless with this small piece of advice. Mary had lived at Lutheran Home for about 5 years. She had the warmest smile that spread across her face and seemed to tell a story. It was a smile that reminded me of the kind smile my grandmother used to have. I remember thinking that this woman truly amazed me and seemed to have an uncanny ability to comfort others. Mary was a selfless, compassionate woman that I admired very much. One day I learned that Mary had fallen while trying to transfer into the shower and had injured her arm and had hit her head. This incident, followed by more health issues, seemed to be the start to her declined orientation and abilities. Mary was put on bed rest, slowly began to lose her appetite and began to have pain. For the next few months, I was happy when I was assigned to care for Mary because the statement I had witnessed truly came to life. Mary was not always well taken care of and had no family visitors in her last days. Many times I would try to check in to ensure her comfort, sit with her in my free time or reproach Mary when she had refused a meal to get her to eat a little more. In the end, small things like holding her had, being there for her and talking to her undoubtedly made her day just a little better. Mary taught me to be patient, respectful and compassionate to each and every person I encounter and I have truly witnessed the improvement that this approach provides in the healing process. I believe that this manner is essential to being a remarkable physician assistant. I first learned about the Physician Assistant career when I began working at University of Massachusetts Memorial Hospital, and the model resonated strongly with my life’s motivation. I am passionate about relationship building, quality time with people, and the flexibility to be a lifelong learner. I love the idea of a reduced burden on the PA’s because it allows focus on and development of their strengths. I know in my deepest core that this profession is what I am meant to do. Yes I am hardworking, ambitious and a team player, but what makes me distinctly qualified to pursue a professional degree as a physician assistant is my humanity and kindness that I have learned through my experiences. To me, a physician’s assistant serves her patients, her doctor and her community with respect and compassion. There are an immeasurable amount of moments that I have experienced in patient care that have inspired my career choice. In memory of Mary, and every patient who has individually touched my everyday life I have found my passion with this humanity. I always take the time to be with my patients, understand their point of view, form a connection with them and give them the best quality care I can possibly provide. I have been involved in direct patient care in different settings for 3 years and find great joy every day I go to work. To be able to influence a person’s everyday life is a blessing and gives me my inner peace. There is no greater reward in life than to share your love and compassion with the world to make everyone else’s life just a little bit better. Personal Statement Examples #12 My journey to Physician’s Assistant school started three years ago when my life was an utter mess. I was in an unsatisfying relationship, in a career that made me completely miserable, and I suffered from headaches everyday from the stress of dealing with these issues. I knew I was not where I was supposed to be in life. I freed myself from my unsatisfying relationship. The timing may not have been perfect, as I ended the relationship two months before our wedding, but I know I saved myself years of heartache. Four months after ending my engagement, I was laid off from my job. Shortly after being laid off, I had a seizure due to the headache medicine that I had been taking everyday prior to being laid off. This confirmed to me that I needed a career change. I have never been at a loss for ambition, but my recent experience gave me pause as to the direction I should go. One day a trusted advisor asked me if I had ever thought of becoming a doctor or a physician’s assistant. At first, I dismissed the idea because I knew not only would I have to go back to school, I would have to take challenging classes such as chemistry. The thought of taking chemistry and math-related classes intimidated me. The fear of financial and academic failure made me consider what I needed and wanted. After researching and comparing physicians, nurse practitioners and physician’s assistants, I felt a genuine interest in the PA field. The length of time in school, the cost of schooling, the level of autonomy, and the ability to explore specialties are a few reasons why becoming a PA is appealing. For a time, I avoided making a decision for fear of making the wrong one. I especially wrestled with knowing that if I went back to school, I’d have to take classes that I took as an undergraduate over twelve years ago. However, indecision due to fear was robbing me of my time and thrusting into me paralyzing thoughts of what may never happen. In the interest of challenging my fear, I decided to volunteer with a local fire and rescue station to obtain my EMT-B certification. Additionally, I began taking classes that I thought I might struggle with. Logically, I thought, if I could love being in this fast paced healthcare setting and continue to find the motivation to undertake some of the most challenging classes of my college career, I’d be reassured I was on the right path. Returning to school was not easy. I did have to withdraw from college chemistry my first semester as I was overwhelmed with change. I was a bit rusty and needed to ease into the semester so that I could practice the habits that make me a great student. Once I found my footing, I enrolled in college chemistry again, and I really enjoyed it. I felt as if my mind was expanding and I was learning things that I once thought I could not easily learn. My confidence soared, and I wondered what all my apprehension and anxiety was about. Obtaining my EMT-Basic certification, volunteering, and returning to school to conquer my most demanding classes to date has been one of the most rewarding decisions of my life. Becoming an EMT-B has allowed me to learn fundamental healthcare such as conducting patient assessments and history, understanding anatomy and physiology concepts, and communicating with patients. The EMS field has rendered me more open-minded and tolerant, allowing me to treat people of all different socioeconomic status, education levels, and ethnicities. I have seen a very human side of people I otherwise would not. I now have a clear picture of what I want, I’m driven and know what I want to achieve. I have grown professionally and personally while providing compassionate care to others and pushing myself to an extent that I did not think was possible. In addition, since returning to school I realize that I enjoy confronting my fears and I am better at challenging myself and learning new things than when I was in my teens and twenties. I am eager to take this desire to the next level, striving ever to enrich my life with the challenges that only a profession in the physician’s assistant field can bring. Personal Statement Examples #13 My strongest memory of my “abuelita” involves her, in tears, recounting her fathers’ refusal to allow her to study medicine because she was a woman. Perhaps this story remains so clear on account of her dementia driven repetitiveness, but I suspect it was my emotional response of longing for a calling as strong as hers. Where we did share the same love of crossword puzzles and literature, I never felt physician was the right career for me- despite her grandmotherly insistence. Today I am confident that Physician Assistant (PA) is the answer to a question I have been asking myself for a long time now. What will I dedicate my life to? As a student oscillating between a career in medicine and international development it was unclear which path best fit my character and career goals. Following my passions led me to find the PA occupation. It is a combination of everything I am interested in: biology, health education and public service. My fascination with the human body led me to major in Physiology and Neuroscience at the University of California, San Diego (UCSD). This course of study inspired and challenged me as it combined my interest in biology and enthusiasm for problem solving. A Biochemistry course presented more of a challenge than others. I immediately retook the course learning a valuable lesson- that personal growth comes from challenges. With this lesson in mind I decided to enter post graduate life through the toughest challenge I could imagine- volunteering for two years in a third world country. In an effort to pursue my interest in both health and international development I joined the Peace Corps. Furthermore this allowed me to work for an organization whose philosophy I could believe in. The Peace Corps attempts to make a real difference in the lives of real people. Within months of living in rural Ecuador I took notice and was inspired by the tangible and immediate impact made by medical professionals. Eager to join them I jumped at the opportunity to collaborate with a rural health clinic. Some of my responsibilities included taking patient histories and vital signs, providing hands on assistance to the gynecologist and developing a community health education program. I thoroughly enjoyed all of the research, creativity and problem solving it took to develop and implement health education that would really reach the people I was trying to help. Whether facilitating workshops, consulting in the clinic, or in home visits, I thrived on patient interaction with people from vastly different backgrounds. I found that one thing is universal; everyone wants to feel heard. A good practitioner first needs to be a good listener. I also found that my lack of medical knowledge at times left me feeling helpless like when I was unable to help a woman who approached me after a family planning workshop. We were in a community hours away from medical care. She had persistent vaginal bleeding since giving birth three months prior. It struck me that there was little I could do without a medical degree. This experience, and others like it, inspired me to further my education to become a medical practitioner. Since my return from the Peace Corps I enthusiastically pursued the PA profession. I completed the remaining pre requisites with high marks, took an accelerated EMT course at UCLA, volunteered in the emergency room (ER) and shadowed a number of PAs. One PA, Jeremy, has been a particularly impactful role model. He maintains strong, trusting relationships with the patients. He is extremely knowledgeable, unhurried, and personable as he meets patient needs. It is no wonder they request him as their primary care practitioner and I hope to practice with the same skill one day. All of my shadowing experiences reaffirmed my career objectives most align with that of a PA, where I can focus on the care and treatment of my patients, without the added responsibility of owning my own business. Whereas Peace Corps ignited my passion for a career in medicine and shadowing in the family practice opened my eyes to the PA profession, working as an emergency room technician (ER Tech) has cemented my desire to become a PA. In addition to my ER Tech duties I am a certified Spanish interpreter. Every day I am fortunate enough to work closely with a large staff of PAs, physicians and nurses. Often times I interpret for the same patient throughout their entire visit. Through these interactions I have developed a great deal of appreciation for the PAs. As they typically treat less acute patients they can spend more time on patient education. The most meaningful part of my job is ensuring patients receive quality medical care regardless of their language or education. An unexpected benefit has resulted from the doctors, PAs and nurses recognizing my enthusiasm for learning and sharing their medical knowledge to help me realize my dream of one day becoming a PA. A theme of helping the medically underserved has developed over the course of my adult life. Unequivocally it is my calling to continue this gratifying work as PA in primary care. I am confident I will succeed in your program because of my dedication to finishing everything that I start and desire to learn. I am an exceptional candidate due to my multi-cultural perspective, years of experience in bilingual patient care and commitment to the physician assistant profession. Upon completion of Physician Assistant school I will be the first in my generation of 36 cousins to receive a graduate education. My abuelita would be brimming with pride. Personal Statement Examples #14 Dirt. Coating the curve of my ear, the lining of my nostrils, and sticking to my overheated, salty skin; it’s present with every inhale of breath. The Mexican sun beats heat upon my sunburnt shoulders. A Spanish-speaking boy pulls me into the dirt to sit cross-legged across from each other while he teaches me a rhythmic hand-slapping game. I notice his leg is angled awkwardly as if he is compensating for a weak spot on his calf. Peering over his lap, I catch a glimpse of a silver dollar sized pus-filled bump. He shies away. Why should he trust a church volunteer building houses in Mexico? I’m powerless to help this young boy, powerless to heal him. I feel helpless. Ice. Melting and seeping into woolen gloves, encasing my freezing fingers. The wind races across my cheeks, slips in the cracks of my jacket and scarf. I am in Detroit. The man with the bare, wrinkled hand grasps my arm with a crinkly smile. He is a veteran who feels more at home in this dark, concrete corner in downtown Detroit than any hospital. He bends to show me his swelling feet with red whelps racing along his shins. Why does he trust me? I am just a volunteer at a soup kitchen, powerless to heal him. I feel helpless. Droplets. Clinging and racing down the tip of a large tropical leaf, splashing onto my arm through a rusty metal window. Horns honk. Bells dance. Touts clamor for my attention. Amid the wet, tropical heat, people move in every direction atop a carpet of trash lining the streets. I’m sitting on a crowded, sweltering bus outside Delhi, India. A young beggar drags himself up the metal steps of the bus. One elbow in front of the other, he slowly crawls up the aisle. He attempts to pull himself into my lap, dried blood and dirt matting his head, flies swarming his ears, thigh stumps dangling off the edge of the seat. Although I shouldn’t, I help him over my lap to the seat beside me, tears streaming down my face. Money will not help him. Money would just encourage him to persuade a few coins off the next tourist that comes along. I’m sure he trusts no one even though he pretends to engage me, for he sees me as a target rather than as a backpacker volunteering anywhere an extra set of hands is needed along my travels. I am powerless to heal him. I feel helpless. All three of these experiences are just snapshots of the times I have felt helpless. Helplessness began as a child and older sister, coming from a single mother family with no health insurance, no college degrees and the emptiest cart in line at the local grocery store; helplessness has ended as I have risen above unlikely odds, returning to college after the experiences of volunteer work locally, across the U.S. and across the globe. I have had the opportunity to work and volunteer in orphanages and local medical clinics serving the underprivileged within multiple countries. I have had a taste of what it is like to treat wounds, to assist in transporting the wounded, to sit comfortingly beside the bed of a woman with resistant tuberculosis as she took her last breaths. I have worked alongside many health professionals along the way, but the physician assistants stood out to me. They were versatile and compassionate, spending the majority of their time with the patients. Most adapted to every new circumstance and smoothly transitioned between specialties in the field. Every encounter with a patient or a physician assistant has fueled my ambition and fever for more knowledge and skills, leading me back to re-enrolling in college. My transcript break between immature teenager and driven adult taught me inalienable concepts such as sacrifice, pain, hard work, appreciation, compassion, integrity and determination. I nurtured my passions and discovered my strengths and weaknesses. Six years after leaving college and four years after returning, I am now the first college graduate in my family, having worked my way through as a restaurant server depending on academic scholarships and tips. On each break in between semesters I have continued my volunteer work locally, in Thailand, and in Haiti. In the upcoming year, I have secured a position as an emergency room technician and will also complete a Pre-PA internship through Gapmedic in Tanzania in the spring to continue to prepare for a Physician Assistant Program. In the memory of every human connection I have made along my journey, having both been a member of as wells as served the underprivileged, I will continue my drive and ambition toward Physician Assistant Studies in hopes I can continue to become a little less helpless. Personal Statement Examples #15 When I look back over the last several years of my life, I never foresaw myself considering a second career. However, several exciting and fulfilling experiences that I had over the last few years have led to my decision to pursue dentistry as a career. A future in the health care field was a natural choice for me, coming from a family of health care workers. I also had a flair for biology right from my school days and my interest in holistic medicine found me choosing a career in homeopathic medicine. I have striven hard to keep myself among the top 10% of the class and my curiosity and interest in the human body and diseases that affect it has grown by leaps and bounds during my years of homeopathic medical training. The motivation behind me, to become a health care professional was being a victim to see the sufferings faced my Grand Father who was a lung cancer patient (mesothelioma). Since we were residing at a rural area in India, my Grand Father had to travel for more than 2 hours to get medical care. Shortness of breath due to pleural effusion, chest pain and the sufferings after chemotherapy, all these annoying hardship which he suffered motivated me of becoming a health care professional in future. Moreover the kindness and care the Doctors, and other healthcare professionals showed towards him, made him to overcome the sufferings, had always motivated me to continue being passionate about my healthcare career in spite of all difficulties in this pathway. There was nothing the medicine can do in his late 80s, unless giving him support and joyful time in his remaining days. I still remember the Physician and his assistant who always visited him and advised to be bold and prepared to face everything. He trusted his care group .Their words made his last moments of death a peaceful one. From that day onwards, I had no other thought of what to become in future. My fiance, a software engineer, had made plans to immigrate to the United States and pursue further training in Java. When I told him about my interest in medical field, he immediately encouraged me to apply to PA school once we reached America. After all, America was the land of opportunity- a place where you could set out to achieve whatever dreams you may have in your heart. During my husband’s training, he mentioned to me that he had several co-workers who were engineers or lawyers, who successfully made medicine their second career. Elated by his encouragement and excited about the prospect of becoming a PA, I planned to complete the prerequisites to PA school with a 4.0 GPA. I learned quickly to manage my time efficiently between taking care of my kids and studying for my course work. My rotation in the holistic clinic in our final year of homeopathic school has also greatly influenced me. Life stress and unhealthy habits cause most of today’s illnesses. I found that although most physicians do an excellent job of counseling patients on which drugs to take, they spend little time talking about healthy life habits. The prospect of treating the patient as a whole rather than his or her complains alone was, to me, the way to go. I am especially interested in being a physician assistant in the field of Internal Medicine. The physician assistant, to me, is like a detective, gathering all the clues and arriving at a logical diagnosis. Since it is so broad, and since its sub-specialties are so well developed, I believe that Internal Medicine is the most challenging of all specialties Charisma is a trait difficult to learn but from my childhood days, I have practiced to gain very quickly the attention, respect and trust of others by a good smile. Being a good team player, excellent communication skills, my passion and my dedication helped me providing good quality care to my patients. The rewards that come from improving the patients’ quality of life have motivated me to become an influential and successful healthcare professional and I assure this would add to my Physician assistant Program as well. With all these experiences in medical field and my intense desire to continue as a healthcare professional, I hope, specifically, Physician Assistant would be a perfect match. Patience and persistence are essential twins needed in healthcare profession and hope I have achieved it during my clinical experience. Through my healthcare experiences, I have grown not only as healthcare professional, but also an individual. I have become a great listener, an assertive partner, and a positive worker to the patients and healthcare team which are important attributes for a Physician Assistant. Determination, perseverance and hard work have taught me how to succeed throughout life. Along with my passion for medicine and healing people, my desire to provide quality care to underserved communities, my life experiences have shaped my values and beliefs into the person I am today which has motivated me to be an influential and successful Physician Assistant in future. I am very much attracted to the career of being a Physician Assistant. I want to help as many people as I can. The medical field is not easy in any way; from the vigorous studying to the emotional attachment to a patient. I know that I am prepared, and will be even more equipped once a Physician Assistant. I believe ‘The future should always be seen as bright and optimistic. I always believe in positive thinking. The Power of Positive Thinking, I prefer the positives in my personal and everyday lives. I want to become a Physician Assistant to provide excellent healthcare for my patients. With all my experiences inside and outside of the United States, I strongly believe that I will make a great Physician Assistant. Having lived and studied in Middle east (Dubai and Abudhabi), India and now in the United States, I can speak Malayalam, Hindi and English and I believe that I can enrich the cultural diversity of the class. To become a Physician Assistant, requires life-long hard work, persistence, patience, dedication and above all, the right kind of right temperament. I believe that my training in homeopathic medicine gives me a unique and different perspective on patient care, that when combined with my training as a Physician Assistant can be invaluable in delivering excellent patient care. I hope to not only treat my patients, but also their family member’s wounded spirits. I look forward to the next stage in my professional life with great enthusiasm. Thank you for your consideration. Personal Statement Examples #16   I would love some feedback on my essay! I am just over 4500 characters, so I have a little wiggle room for editing From an older sister caring for seven little sibling to an in-charge paramedic, my life has been full of unique experiences that have molded me into the healthcare provider I am today. I never thought I would seek to further my education past a baccalaureate level, after all, my higher education was supposed to prepare me for an inevitable role as a stay-at-home wife and mother. However, working as a paramedic and earning a degree Emergency Health Sciences has awoken a passion for medicine that drives me forward. As I work on the ambulance I am constantly plagued by my desire to do more for my patients. This insatiable desire to expand my knowledge in order to effectively help the ill and injured provides my motivation for becoming a physician assistant. As the second oldest in a family of nine children, homeschooled in a small religious subculture, my academic journey has been anything but normal. My parents taught me to be both an independent learner and a teacher to my siblings. Although my parents emphasized rigorous academics, my time as a child was split balancing schoolwork and caring for my younger siblings. I poignantly remember sitting at the kitchen table teaching myself biology late into the evening, tired after a long day of babysitting my siblings. I tried to study earlier, but my mother had been busy, leaving me with little time for school until the children were tucked into bed. As I struggled to stay awake the thought of a career in the medical field seemed like a pipe dream. Little did I know, those days spent studying index cards while cooking dinner and wiping little noses taught me invaluable skills in time management, responsibility, and empathy. These skills have proven to be the key to success in both my education and career as a paramedic. After I completed my EMT-Basic certification in high school, I knew my future lay in the medical field. In an attempt to follow my parents’ requirement to enter a course of study deemed “appropriate” for a woman, I began pursuing a degree in nursing. During the first semester of my freshman year, my family fell on difficult financial times and I had to develop a backup plan. Feeling the weight of responsibility to ease the financial strain on my family, I utilized credit by exam to test out of my remaining core curriculum and entered a fast-paced paramedic program. Becoming a paramedic has proven to be the most formative decision in my life thus far. As the youngest in-charge paramedic at my company, I once again felt a heavy weight of responsibility as I stretched my leadership skills to new levels. Not only is the in-charge paramedic responsible for patient care decisions, my EMT partner and local first responders look to me for direction and scene management. The skills I acquired caring for my family have served me well, as I was recently promoted to a field training officer. Not only has my job allowed me to break free from the familial constraints that hindered a career in medicine, it has taught me the true purpose of healthcare. Emergency medicine is not merely a job; it is an opportunity to touch the lives of others during times of pain and suffering. The physical, mental, and emotional stress of being a paramedic pushes me to a critical level where I am forced to overcome these obstacles or fail my patients. Faced with chaos and life and death situations I must garner all my time management and mental capacities to provide rapid, accurate, and empathetic care to my patients. These challenges have sharpened my intellect, but more importantly they have made me a stronger and more compassionate person. Interacting with individuals of all ages and walks of life has caused my studies to come alive and fuels my desire to continue my education as a physician assistant. Diseases are no longer a list of diagnostic criteria in a textbook; they take on faces and names with tangible struggles and symptoms. These experiences have opened my eyes to a level of suffering too compelling to dismiss. I must be more and know more so that I may do more. Working with these patients, I feel restrained by my knowledge and skill level. I once thought that earning my degree in emergency medicine would serve to break these restraints, but the opposite has occurred. The more I learn the more I realize how vast the study of medicine is, and my ardor to continue my education grows. Becoming a physician assistant is my opportunity to break these restraints and continue onward in a life dedicated to learning and service to the ill and injured. Personal Statement Examples

[iwritebutimnotverygood]

A (BRIEF) SELF-INTRODUCTION

I am writing this with a typing speed that of a panicking IT technician. It is 12:12 in the morning, and instead of stressing on why this blog’s theme seems to not work, I’ve decided it would be appropriate for all my future readers, if there will be any, to know something about me a little more than what’s already there below the blog’s title.

I never “began writing.” The act came naturally to me the same way we start cursing when we reach our teen-hood. Writing was just some channel through which all the words that rambled inside my head flowed. When I was in freshman year of high school, our science teacher made us write an essay about the fetal development that occurred in a woman’s womb. Surprisingly, very surprisingly, she thought it was great and even showed it to the school principal. Isn’t that nice? I majored in English at college not because it was a passion but because it was the easiest route out of the hellish tertiary environment we all would endure. During those years, I wrote because I had to but received considerable feedback each time I read my paper to everyone. Those and together with the content of the journals I’ve collected beginning from my kid days, I guess you can say I have been writing without realizing it. And only recently did I admit to myself how much I enjoyed it.

I figured out I was gay when I was 19. This was probably the most exciting time in my uneventful life. After a few failed dating stints with boys and giving up on people’s advice that maybe I just haven’t found the right boy yet, I started entertaining the possibility that I could be a lesbian. Thanks to those feelings I spilled all over a friend (who was a girl), I came to the admission that I truly was as gay as the earth was round. A lot of drama subsequently followed, one of which was the inevitable coming-out-to-your-family episode, but being gay has been the most “me” I have ever felt. Being part of the LGBTQ+ community has given me a sense of belongingness that I could never have anywhere else. I am happy for I have found who I really am, regardless if the discovery conforms to your beliefs or not. God has made us in more than two flavors, sweetie. 

I have a degree in teaching. Yes, I am a teacher, though I really wouldn’t think I was if I would encounter myself in someone else’s body. It’s an anecdote told too many times but getting into this profession was something that my parents made me do. I didn’t like teachers very much growing up; perhaps it was the trauma that haunted me, teachers yelling at me and calling me stupid that brought about that disposition. Anyway, when I got to college, my perspective on teachers changed drastically. I was so enlightened by all these concepts and philosophies we had to take in. As young students, we never consider the kind of sacrifices our teachers make on a day to day basis. As an student-teacher, I learned those sacrifices the hard way. I just wish everyone will have the same experience as I did, understanding both teachers and teaching. It’s a shame that a vast majority do not give these hardworking men and women the recognition and respect they deserve. 

I will be taking up law really soon. I have said to myself that I will become a lawyer ever since I was five years old. One cause of my reluctance to study Education was my deep-rooted interest to take up a pre-law course in college. I thought about political science or legal management, anything that could give me an advance step into law school. I had just passed the LSATs here and I’m just waiting for the first semester to come so I could enroll. I know it’s beyond the hardships we managed to survive from back in college, and I know I will be working while studying, but we wouldn’t have any lawyers if law school was such an impossible track. I dream of becoming a civil rights attorney, of working for CHR or PAO someday, and maybe teach a few law classes part-time. I have been really affected by these social injustices that we literally see and hear about every single day, and I think, just maybe, if I were in a position to fully help, then things might stop being so horrible. I’m very idealistic, also naive, but I like to imagine myself living in a world where everyone is kind and fair to one another.

I have only recovered from an extended fit of sadness a month or two ago. I have tried taking my own life, and every time I did, I always sensed that I would miss out on so much. I’m glad I didn’t because I’m here telling you about myself. You may already know this: I like talking about me.