#i had a whole subplot about the feeling of your counterpart leaving

[welcometocrosscity]

There's a phenomenon present in characters from things like Eddsworld, Dream SMP, and even Andrew Hussie in Homestuck: muses. Self insert characters have a special connection to their real life counterparts, they're a part of them. If the person leaves the project (or, even worse, passes away), the character will gain a hole in their soul that's incredibly difficult to fill. Like a part of yourself just walked away. All characters cope with this feeling differently, but it usually causes great emotional and mental damage. Tord, due to how long he's been in this state, is probably one of the characters handling it the best.

[princessnijireiki]

every time I remember devery jacobs auditioned for rey in star wars I hate that I can envision the ripple effect of disney + fandom racism it would have caused...

like realistically either oscar isaac or john boyega would not have been cast, though boyega might've gotten to retain his accent vs her adopting an english one. kelly marie tran certainly wouldn't have been cast. they might not have even created the tico sisters if there was no need to drive the white + black leads apart and into other characters' arms...

the whole reylo ship would never have exploded with obnoxious fans the way it did, because of racism, which is annoying because yeah I hate the ship, but it would've been scrapped to brutalize an indigenous rey— rise of skywalker & last jedi would never have been scripted the way they were with a woman of color at the helm— or worse tbh, it would be both more brutal AND still romanticized in-script or by fans (it's no coincidence when you see what other ships people who adored reylo support, and I've been blocked by enough people who got mad I publicly agreed w boyega specifically calling out twitter nerd racism to feel very comfortable talking shit about the distinct media consumption patterns they have in common lmao)... and if her casting meant we've gotten whitefinn, finnlo would be the ship we'd all be hating on in its place.

hell, finnrey might not have even been initially plotted in the first place (ik it was officially scrapped by disney/lf despite the seeds of it being established enough in the initial script it had to be stricken from the tfa novelization, but we might not have even gotten as far as having something TO scrap). or tbh maybe rey would've been sidelined for a whitefinn more... or maybe both would've been sidelined for extra kylo screentime.

it's honestly just all very shades of legend of korra vs avatar the last airbender—

like what are the choices you make with the indigenous female character when she's a love interest? would her brutalization at the hands of the story's "bad boy" be racialized & personalized in a nastier way than said villain's interactions with every other character, as with zutara? would all her accomplishments still be in service of somebody else, her mastery still come behind the person she in fact teaches, because she's not THE hero? does your follow up story leave her in a far more passive role than her male or non-indig counterparts, with far less screentime & influence even in her own family's lives than her romantic partner?

and then you flip it around to korra, and what kinds of torture are you willing to put the indigenous female character through that you weren't willing to do to your LAST main character/hero? what kind of torture will you say she deserves or needs to overcome to be "worthy" of a role someone who came before her didn't have to be physically broken into? what kind of nasty white gaze cultural genocide pro assimilationist subplots will she be turned into a mouthpiece of in-story? what kind of busted ass romances will she be made to test drive without being given an ON SCREEN unambiguous canonical happy ending?

and I'm sorry, but to take all that, which is frankly a HIGH bar compared to some lucasfilm properties, and put it in the hands of... what, people who have made multiple racist projects in a movie universe with multiple racist films already?

and I love the mandalorian tv show, don't get me wrong, but the franchise's best talents have come from star wars tv shows & the eu, and in mando we STILL got a scene of "a group of mandos led by an inexplicable white woman immediately tried to hate crime old ass boba fett because they heard his maori accent"?

admittedly that's one of my biggest mando-specific gripes (vs things I sort of generally hate about the star wars universe), but like, in 20+ years the universe has had ONE... ONE indigenous subplot going with django & boba fett + the clones (longer if you include to ot but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt since we didn't see boba's face until the prequels; I'm also graciously ignoring the tusken raiders narratives, but mostly that's bc it falls under the umbrella of my general sw hates since they are literally the kind of background texture racism you'd see in a john wayne flick and I don't have the energy or sustained interest to unpack all of star wars' racism, it is a neverending chain of clown handkerchiefs). but from the moment we were introduced to django and boba as unmasked people, the franchise hasn't avoided racial fuckups around them even with literal decades of practice to work out the narrative bugs.

like I wish it could've been good, but ultimately, you gotta be honest with yourself & recognize the people running the circus would've found a new way to fuck shit up even if they'd managed to avoid kathleen kennedy's "white english brunettes" hangup, because there's plenty more equally fucked up baggage where that came from, AND fandom is frequently & consistently of the fucking devil. even my own false optimism couldn't sell me that bridge in new york, y'all.

[lucidpantone]

Firstly, I love you. Thanks for always talking sense.

Your point about Amber being turned into the basic watered down version of Vilde is so true. And it frustrates me to no end that we have seen absolutely no progression with her character in the 5 seasons, particularly given the fact she’s basically had some form of minor subplot in 4 out of 5 of them. They’ve never let her grow from any of it and she’s been turned into this stilted, vapid girl.

I do think by the end of this season wtfock will have basically watered down 95% of their characters in a similar way. The way they constantly write them with inconsistent personalities, and use whoever is convenient at the time to just push a certain narrative regardless if it fits doesnt help, means none of the characters actually feel fleshed out from their og counterparts anymore. Some they just never bothered to flesh out in the first place. I think about the Jonas character and I look at how Italia expanded on him with Gio, and then you have Jens - there’s absolutely nothing there - empty character. And the same with France and Basil, then you have Aaron - again nothing. Jana obviously is no more but obviously her replacement offers nothing. Same can be said about so many of wtfocks characters at this point. Even the new additions - I mean balloon squad may as well not exist in wtfock.

There is just little to no depth to any of them on the whole now and I truly wonder what half of them even bring to the table. Leaves the whole show feeling so hollow.

Thats why tho am annoyed am also sorta of happy Sander was not part of this season they legit would have destroyed him as they did with bits of Zoe and Robbe. @bowieexaminprogress said it best its like they write the script or copy from OG and then after the fact select who delivers those lines without any rhyme or reason even if its nonsensical and completely out of character. Nothing makes sense, nothing is paced well, no one for the last 2 seasons has had any profound character development. Literally two seasons have gone by with surface explorations of characters and mains. Everything just feels like a shell of itself. Also thanks for the support and kind words!!

[sagesilentfire]

I'm looking for a trans sensitivity reader (for Marcie) and possibly a poc sensitivity reader (for the monsters vs mewmans plot), so if you're available, please tell me, and we'll figure something out.

Forgive my inability to draw humans, please.

I know this is a big departure from my usual content, so I'd like to make sure you know that watching SVTFOE is not necessary to enjoy this AU, as everything needed to understand the plot is explained in-story. In fact, I'd love to have someone who's never even heard of a svftoe to read it so I can make sure it makes its own logical sense.

Anyways... 

(putting this under a read more for your scrolling purposes)

Hi. I'm Sage, and I would like to talk about a show I really liked. The past tense being the operative, as it used to be good, but...

I started watching SVTFOE after watching the great Steven Universe, which meant I had high expectations for it. And it met those expectations! From the beginning I was hooked. It was a good show. But as the seasons went on, it started to... rot.

Now, something to know about me is that I do not invest myself wisely. I love the things I love deeply and with passion. I get attached easily, and I love to theorize about the things I love. So I was heartbroken when SVTFOE ended the way it did, with none of my questions answered.

And when my theories were better than canon, well, that meant I had a new project: a complete rewrite of Star vs. the Forces of Evil. This AU will start similar to canon, but gradually diverge from it until it's something completely new. It will also have five separate "seasons".

So here's my AU: Star and Marcie and The Forces Of Evil (aka samatfoe). This AU will tear apart the scraps of lore that we got from SVTFOE and expand on it and make new lore, all narrated by my lovely OC, Sílthéy. And I promise I will get to as much as possible. If you're worried, check the titles of all of the chapters, which will hopefully reassure you that, yes, I will get to everything (or at least everything I've thought of ;)).

Dramatis Personae:

Star: Star will mostly stay the same in the first few seasons, but I'll try to have her actually grow and mature while staying a good person in the later seasons. She'll also be a bit more fire-aligned, because I wanted to be able to tell my Star and the canon Star apart easily. (She also doesn't get those wings until Mewberty.)

Marcie: is a trans girl. The entire second "episode" will be about her being trans. And I will, again, try to not have her act like a jerk in later seasons. She also won't be an adult trapped in a teenager's body, as that was waaay too weird for me. Instead she won't age in the Neverzone, period, and there will be an episode dedicated to her re-adjusting to Earth and discussing what the whole "spent a decade and a half in eight minutes" thing means for her. And, of course, she'll be more involved with the Mewni plot, as she will be interested in learning the lore behind Mewni from the beginning and push Star to find out more about Mewni.

Ludo: Ludo's story will not effectively end with the Battle for Mewni. He will get a redemption arc, with all the pitfalls and trip-ups that come with that. And all of his flaws and issues will be brought up, now just forgiving him for everything he did because he had bad parents. And Dennis will continue to be a cinnamon roll. Some things never change.

Buff Frog/Yvgeny: will not change. He is good lad.

Toffee: This is the big one. Where to start, and how to start it without spoiling everything I have planned? Well, let me tell you this: Toffee is getting a complete overhaul. For one thing, I now made them agender for various complicated reasons that will be revealed in-story, eventually. And for another thing, they will get an actual backstory and personality! Isn't that a novel idea! And they will not die abruptly and nonsensically in Battle for Mewni, so don't worry about that.

Jackie: Oh, Jackie. You poor dear. Jackie will not be delegated to the role of "one-time love interest who just skateboards out of the plot". First of all, Marcie will only have a squish (a platonic crush) on her, because I don't trust my aro/ace self with the weird things people in romantic love do to get together, but I do know what it's like to desperately want to be friends with someone. Secondly, while she will be out of the spotlight in later seasons, it'll be because she's on an exchange trip to France, not because we're abandoning her character and her world for no good reason.

Janna: never changes. Pretty sure she's the one constant of the multiverse.

Tom: will have his redemption arc earlier in the story so I can use him for things, but other than that will not change much.

Moon: First of all, she will not betray everything her daughter stands for by siding with Mina this time. There are plenty of other ways Mina could rise to power, so there's no need to ruin her character by making her do a stupid, illogical thing that even a five-year-old would see was stupid. I mean, she's still going to be kind of racist, but she's well-established to be level-headed and even a little clever, so she will not do something that would so obviously blow up in her face. Secondly, she will be a bad ruler, hence why Mewni is a total mess, but she will learn and become better and help Star's efforts to improve Mewni.

Glossaryck: is... changing. He won't "lose" his sanity for season three, but he will also not be in a totally heroic role. It's a complicated thing and a bit of a spoiler, so I'll leave it at that. Also, he's a dragon now Because Reasons (no, seriously, I have a reason for it. It's also a spoiler).

River: River will be goofy, like usual, but he won't be plot-destroyingly stupid. I'll try my best to not make you question why he's even king while still making him a foil to Moon. It's the tightrope I must walk.

Angie and Raphael: Will not completely disappear from the plot in later seasons, but will instead be like a second family to Star and will be a refuge when her overbearing Butterfly side gets too much.

Kelly: Will not be involved in a stupid romantic subplot with Marcie. Sorry. Other than that, Kelly will remain pretty much the same, aside from now being tiny, because that's just how she came out in my art. She's pretty cool.

Miss Heinous: Will not be Meteora this time around. I disliked how Heinous hurt so many people and was a horrible person, but as soon as her Tragic Backstory™ was revealed, all that pain and suffering she caused was ignored in favor of making her Super Duper Tragic™. So I'm separating the characters. Don't worry, though, she'll get the backstory and character arc she deserves.

Saint Olga: Saint Olga will be the main motivator for Miss Heinous's actions, as she is desperate to please the robot. Other than that, Saint Olga won't actually get much character. She's a bad guy, pure and simple.

Meteora: will not turn into a baby. She will deal with the consequences of her actions like a mature, responsible sixteen-year-old. But because she's sixteen, things won't be too harsh when she does snap. She'll still have her mother and father to help her and guide her.

Eclipsa: Regarding Eclipsa's design, I tried to make her fat, but... I don't know if it translates well in my art. I'm just not that good at art yet. But aside from that, making her cheekmarks dark gray (spades are a black card, not a red card! That bugged me so unreasonably much), and giving her as much of a connection to Toffee as the show implied, I'm not changing much about her. She was one of the good characters.

Globgor: Will have fought against mewmans in the past, but not have eaten them (what were the writers thinking?! Making your metaphorical poc eat people is... not good). And it will be more of a case of Star and Eclipsa knowing he is good and should be released from the crystal, but the general mewman populace not accepting it, until Cornonation, where he proves he's a good guy.

Shinjai: Is a new character I am thrilled to introduce to you all! She came from me thinking that for someone who supposedly wants to end mewman-monster racism, Star sure doesn't have any monster friends (Buff Frog doesn't count. He's an adult, and they don't really hang out so much). So here's Shinjai! She's a septarian, and is introduced instead of Princess Smooshy in Sleep Spells. She's a very minor minor monster noble, and her family has about as much political power as your average worm on a sidewalk after it rains, but all noble monsters must go to Saint Olga's Reform School for Wayward Royalty, so she runs away and gets help from Star and Marcie. She's mostly made to replace Pony Head: she's spunky and... uh, actually she's nothing like Pony Head. She's also unafraid of asking difficult questions and knows more about the plot than she lets on.

Rasticore: is very different from his canon counterpart: he only allies with Heinous and Saint Olga to keep an eye on them for ~someone~, and thoroughly dislikes them, despite agreeing to their mission. He also can regenerate as quickly as Toffee, he just chooses not to for ~reasons~. He also has a mysterious partner, but we all know it's – *gets clubbed over the head by Síthéy*

Mina: Making fun of mental illnesses isn't funny kids. Therefore, Mina is the only neurotypical member of the cast. She does boring neurotypical things like... I dunno, cleaning? And she's still a threat: bigotry and hatred are not exclusive to people with mental illnesses, after all.

Lilacia: Now, Lilacia Pegasus, the horse formerly known as Pony Head, will... exist. She won't be as overwhelmingly annoying, hopefully, as she is in canon. And to make sure she feels consequences for her actions, there will be a subplot in season two about her and Star growing apart as Star grows and leaves Lilacia's annoying party girl antics behind. Lilacia will have to realize that her immature actions are making Star leave her behind, and she'll have to grow as a person because of it.

Then there's a mysterious character who is very mysterious and does mysterious things and has a mysterious personality and is generally mysterious... mysterious. She'll be introduced in the second season and will be as mysterious as promised, I swear.

And finally, of course, it will be narrated by Sílthéy. She will tell this story, and her part in it, for all to hear. Or read? It's a bit of a strange medium, storytelling on paper. Or on a screen, whatever.

Now, of course, by now you must be wondering: What about the shipping? The shipping's the most important part, right? Well, here is my answer: There will be no ship wars. There will be no love dodecahedrons. There will be no cheating, no lies, no throwing other characters under the bus for stupid romantic drama. Why? BECAUSE STAR AND MARCIE ARE BOTH ARO/ACE. Suck on that, Starco! I am the last person to trust romantic drama with, so all of the romantic relationships in this bandwagon will be established, healthy relationships that have decades of chosen love and appreciation for one another behind them. And past!Tomstar and brief, schoolchild-crush-esque Star/Oskar but that doesn't count.

So, I believe that about wraps things up for this post. I'll start posting chapters soon, and will post two chapters every other week, and I'll release the descriptions of them two weeks before I post them. If you have any questions, please ask them! I want to work on my drawing skills, so I might even draw something for them!

Description for next episodes:

Star's Birthday: Star is a young, wild princess who is about to receive her family's most precious heirlooms.

Trouble in Diazland: Star is put under the care of the Diaz family, but can't quite seem to connect with their son, Marco.

And, finally, I have thank yous! These are mostly people I watched but haven't really interacted with yet, so if you get tagged know that you don't know me, I just followed you for svtfoe content. And for, you know, your personality.

Thanks to ankle-beez for being hilarious and reminding me why I made this AU when you relentlessly drag svtfoe. Thank you to @full-moon-phoenix, @dappercritter, and the lizard squad for my regular dose of Toffee. Thank you morningmark and @jess-the-vampire for keeping me invested in svtfoe as a whole. Thanks to svtfoe-critical and @twinklecupcake for good ideas. Thank you to TBlofeld on AO3 for your amazing AU, Monsters, Mewmans, Magic, that, while we took things and ran in completely opposite directions, still inspired me to complete mine. And thank you to Blue Order, whose deeply hilarious and deeply accurate video "How Star Vs the Forces of Evil Fell From Grace" inspired me to create this story in the first place. And, of course, thank you to whoever on the svtfoe wiki writes down the transcripts to every episode. You've helped me so much. I admit that I didn't follow all of your guys' advice, but you did help me get here, every one of you. So thank you.

[whiskas-pandastar]

Gift

Shicca Week 2020

Day 1 -  Day 2 - Day 3

Day 4: Prompt: Gifts

Rating: K+

Word Count: 2533

Genre: Romance/Humor

"Why don't you kiss Shiki?"

As soon as the question had slipped out, Rebecca froze, her mouth dropping open and all the blood rushed to her face at once as she blushed a deep scarlet. There is a short circuit in her mind as she tries to place the thought in her mind. Her mind refuses to comprehend where this came from.

The girls of the Eden's Zero crew were currently seated in Rebecca's bedroom, having a girl's night out, playing games and chatting away. While initially it was just a fun time relaxing with the crew after dinner, occasionally, they would force Weisz Shiki, Happy and Moscoy (to their great reluctance) to have a boy's night, just so that the girls could have some girly time. Today had been one of those nights, and they were playing a card game when the topic shifted to Shiki's birthday, which was tomorrow. The team had been planning a party for him secretly under the wraps, to surprise him the next evening, as he himself didn't seem to remember his birthday.

Rebecca had been pondering about what she could gift Shiki. She was thinking of dropping by Blue Garden before the party and purchasing a new pair of headphones or the latest game on the market. She even considered making a handmade gift by following one of the DIY B-cubers out there, but decided otherwise, taking into account her lack of creativity and patience.

But then, Homura declared that she had bought him headphones too, while Hermit had already downloaded a new video game for him. Everyone seemed to be ready with their gifts for Shiki and Rebecca was quickly running out of options and ideas.

That's when Hermit made the suggestion.

"That's a good idea." Homura nodded to the twin-tailed android, and placed another card on the pile.

"Perfect, even." Hermit adds, bobbing her head solemnly. Everyone seemed perfectly nonchalant about the whole idea except Rebecca.

Rebecca shook her head fervently, "How exactly is that a good idea?"

The Four Shining Stars of the Eden's Zero plus Pino, look up at her in unison, their expressions indiscernible. Feeling self-conscious, Rebecca blurted nervously, "Wh-What is it? Why are you all looking at me like that?"

All at once, they turned away, and none of them spoke.

"What was that about?" Rebecca furrowed her eyebrows quizzically.

"Well, we thought you already knew about it." Hermit makes a dull expression, placing the next card.

"Huh? Know about what?" Rebecca pushes further.

"That you have a crush on Master Shiki." Pino answers and plays her turn.

There is silence in the room and then Rebecca bursts out like a volcano, "What did you say?!" She blushes tenfold, "Wh-Where did you get such an idea!?"

Homura eyes Rebecca, "We thought it was really obvious."

"O-obvious?" Rebecca falls short of words upon this revelation.

"Yeah, frustratingly obvious," Sister huffed, placing her card on the pile.

"B-But I don't-" Rebecca puts down her cards as she squirms uncomfortably.

"Well, you do like him, don't you?" Hermit asks, and smiles as she placed her card, just 2 cards away from winning the game.

Rebecca sighed, "I do like him... but... " she fingers the playing cards, deep in thought.

Of course she liked him. How could anyone not like him? He was extremely cute and funny and always went out of his way to help people. He was so honest and kind, with the ability to see good in everyone and everything. He always managed to turn around any situation, and never gave up on his friends.

"Well?" the Eden's Zero crew was staring at her.

"I don't know." Rebecca concluded, her eyes downcast, "I don't understand anything about romance, okay? I don't even know what Shiki feels about me."

Sure, Shiki was kind to her, and called her a friend. But she couldn't deny that there were moments some where he made her so special, his actions making her heart flutter every now and then. She was so grateful to him, always there for her; rushing to save her like when she had been kidnapped and sent to Guilst or when she had been captured by Drakken Joe; comfort her whenever she felt down, and made her feel like herself. Even his few words and actions managed to make her feel good.

"While it's true that you don't know what Shiki feels about you," Witch finally breaks her silence as she picks out a card from her pile and places it before them, "You do know about your own feelings. And when you do, you should act on them before you regret it." She looks up at Rebecca, smiling softly, "Your turn."

And before she realized it, she couldn't remember what it was like before Shiki tumbled into her life. She couldn't even think about the future without his stupid and radiant smiling face.

"I detect an intense pulse rate." Pino reports, "Miss Rebecca, are you okay?"

"I'm...fine" Rebecca trails, her lips curling into a smile as she thinks of Shiki.

"Well, will you take up the suggestion then?" Sister leans in raising a brow.

Rebecca finds herself blushing again, "It’s not like I'm not against it or anything... "

"Well hurry up then." Before she knows it, the Four Shining Stars are pulling her up on her feet and shoving her towards the door. "Wh-What?" Rebecca yells in disbelief.

"You can't keep him waiting!" Homura says seriously.

"His birthday is tomorrow! Why now?" Rebecca struggles against their strength.

"Our plan requires-" Pino is cut off as Hermit quickly covers the little bot's mouth.  "It's just twenty minutes to twelve o'clock, so it's the same." Hermit insisted while she throws a look at Pino.

"Shiki's in the flight deck, right now." Witch informs her, aware of every presence on the ship.

"Wait a moment-" Rebecca protests as the shove her out of the room.

"Good luck!" they chant at once and close the door.

Rebecca stands there by herself in the corridor of the sleeping quarters. What did she get herself into?

-x

"So let me get this straight," Shiki crosses his arms around his chest as he ponders, "You can't kiss friends?"

Weisz sighes maybe for the millionth time as he ruffles his head in frustration. He knew it was a bad idea when they started watching a sci-fi movie that suddenly took a romantic turn with a subplot between the two leads. And with Shiki's unending curiosity, he couldn't even enjoy the movie in peace. He was left with schooling the boy, about things Weisz certainly did not want to discuss with, especially with a guy. "Technically you can. But there's a different type of kiss for that."

"There are different types of kisses?" Shiki looked even more confused than ever.

"Yes, Shiki." Weisz set down the tub of popcorn. "Now, can we continue the movie, please?"

"What kind of kisses? Can you show them?" Shiki looked at Weisz eagerly with big eyes and leaned towards him.

"Good grief." Happy lets out a laugh at Shiki's inquisitiveness and Weisz's growing discomfort.

"No, you idiot!" Weisz grunted as he scoots away, his cheeks heating up in embarrassment, "Get away!"

Shiki frowns deeply, "Why not?"

"Because-" Weisz looks away, "Because you kiss only people you like, okay?" he answers bashfully and hopes this answer satisfies him.

"People you like?" Shiki tilts his head in thought. Not even a moment passed as Shiki declares, "But I like you, Weisz! You're my friend! Don't you like me Weisz?" Shiki makes a happy, innocent face as Weisz face palms. He feels as though he will age a hundred years and the curiosity of this boy alone was going to cause all this hair to turn grey and fall, just like his older counterpart.

He ignores his last question and tries to get it through his thick, clueless head, "You can't just kiss everyone, thwomp-boy. It has to be a person you like...rather, a person you love mutually. A person who's special to you."

"Eh... " Shiki trails off again. "But Weisz-"

"Alright I'm out! I'm off to bed." Weisz declares before Shiki can ask anything more.

"What about the movie?" Happy asks and Weisz waves his hand dismissively, "Lost interest in it already."

Shiki watches him leave and then taps his chin in thought. He sighs and then turns off the projector.

"Don't over think it so much, Shiki." Happy's cheerful voice breaks the silence. "It's not that complicated, I'm sure."

Moscoy nods in agreement, "Nothing to worry, Moscoy!"

Shiki grins at the two android bots, "Thanks!"

"I guess it's time we go to bed too." Happy rubs his eyes tiredly. "Rebecca and the others must have winded up by now too." Happy jumps off the sofa and proceeds to leave. Before they take their leave, he asks, "Aren't you coming along, Shiki?"

"Nah, you go ahead." Shiki waves, still grinning.

"Alright, good night!" they chant as they leave.

Rebecca walks in a few minutes later, and watches as Shiki is silently gazing outside the window, into the Sakura cosmos. At the sound of her soft footsteps, Shiki turns to look. "Rebecca!" he chirps happily. "You're still awake?"

"Yeah..." Rebecca smiles nervously. He eagerly pats the space beside him, urging her to sit. She chews her bottom lip nervously and sits beside him on the sofa overlooking the galaxy.

Ugh, curse the Four Stars of Eden to make her feel so overly self-conscious.

"Did you guys have fun?" Shiki asks Rebecca, his face wrinkling cutely as he smiled.

Rebecca was having a hard time controlling her erratic heartbeat, "Uh-huh." she answered. She wants to look away, but she is unable to, mesmerized by the warmth and gentleness in his expression.

"What did you do?" Shiki inquires giving her his full attention, making her half wish that he wouldn't look at her so intensely.

"Um, nothing. We just played some games... And chatted a bit." she replied curtly.

"I see." she breathes in relief as he turns to observe the galaxy spread before them. They are engulfed in silence, except for the incessant pounding in her ears. She wills herself to calm down. This was just Shiki, her best friend. She didn't have to worry about anything.

Her heart almost leaps out of her chest as Shiki abruptly throws her a question, "Say Rebecca, have you kissed anyone before?"

"What?" Rebecca splutters, wondering if she heard him correctly. "Wh-Why would you ask that?"

Shiki scratches his head, "Well, it's just... Weisz was saying that you kiss only special people... " he trails off, suddenly he notices that his palms are a bit sweaty, and his heart pounds weirdly.

Rebecca urges him to continue, "And..?"

"And I was wondering, how do you know who is that special someone?" Shiki blurts out and then exhales deeply, running a hand through his hair.

Besides his serious expression, Rebecca finds herself giggling. Shiki looks at her and blushes self- consciously, "Why are you laughing?" he pouts.

"Sorry-its just...you looked kind of funny." And adorable, she added in her head.

As the room falls silent once again, Shiki mutters again, "Well?"

Rebecca swallows deeply, wondering how she could answer his question. "Well, somewhere in the depths of your heart, you just know, you know." she smiles softly, fixing her gaze at their reflection on the glass of the window, aware that his eyes are fixed on her. "They make you happy and comfortable. They bring out the best in you, support you and... "

"And?" Shiki asks eagerly.

She pushes her face to look at him, "And then one day, you realize that you can't imagine your life without them." she finishes, her voice reduced to a soft whisper.

Shiki's pulse quickens a bit at the tender look on her face and his stomach drops a little. With the glow of the stars on her face, those gentle sapphire eyes shining, she looked so heavenly. What had gotten over him? He didn't remember feeling so... nervous...so jittery around Rebecca.

He quickly looks away, back at the window, staring at the scattered stars. "I-I see." he replies shortly.

They gaze upon the universe together, the big world before them, so many things yet to be discovered, infinite possibilities, adventures waiting to be unraveled by them, so many friends yet to make. But Shiki was happy enough that Rebecca was with him, here, right now by his side.

He smiles as he spots a shooting star far away, or perhaps that was a dragon? It didn't stop a wide grin from spreading in his face, "Look!" he points excitedly. "Doesn't it look so pretty?"

Just then, the clock struck twelve with a chime.

"Rebecca?" Shiki turned to look at her. His eyes widened as Rebecca grabbed his face and pressed her lips against his. She pulls back before he can react, her face is adorned with a pink blush and a little grin, "Happy Birthday, Shiki."

Shiki blinks in realization and before they know it, he pulls her in his arms and they kiss again, a bit sloppily, their hands pulling at each other's hairs, trying to deepen the kiss. When they pull back, they blush awkwardly but with a look at their messy hairs, they burst out laughing.

"I think that kiss needs some work." Rebecca giggles softly.

"I think so too." Shiki grins sheepishly. "We have a lot of time to fix that." He drapes an arm around her shoulder and pulls her close.

Her cheeks turn red again and she wraps herself around his torso in a hug, pressing her ear to his chest. "You're right." she closes her eyes and hears his heartbeat, relishing in his warmth.

"Was that my birthday gift?" Shiki asks as his other hand reaches out to hers.

Rebecca nods shyly, "Yes...Are you happy?"

"Of course I'm happy!" Shiki answered in a heartbeat and Rebecca finds her cheeks heating up again. "I had forgotten that it was my birthday, though..." he trails off and Rebecca stifles a chuckle, excited for him for the things they had planned for him tomorrow.

"Rebecca?" He calls her name.

"Hm?" she hums, trying to imagine his reaction to the surprise party.

His fingers trace patterns on the back of her hand, "Since it's my birthday, can I ask for one more thing?"

"What is it?" she smiles against his chest.

"Can you wear that super sheer maid outfit-" Before Shiki can complete, Rebecca's fist meets his jaw immediately as she yells, "In your dreams, you pervert!"

She crosses her arms and turns her head in annoyance, as she fumes, "Hmph. You totally ruined that moment!"

Shiki nurses his jaw and still manages to chuckle, "Rebecca-"

"I don't wanna hear it!" She huffs in irritation.

Outside the room, the Eden's Zero crew stands with their ears pressed to the slightly ajar door.

"That idiot...." Weisz shakes his head and chuckles.

"I sense lust." Pino reports nonchalantly.

The Four Shining Stars fist bump each other, "Mission successful, you guys." Hermit smirks in victory.

"Was it really successful, Moscoy?" Moscoy mutters uncertainly.

Happy shakes his head with a smile, "Good grief!"

 -x

A/n: because lets admit it, the whole of the eden’s zero crew is definitely shipping the two of them already :D I love the idea of the Four Shining stars playing match-maker xD 

This one is the longest of all the one-shots I’ve submitted before. I really had a lot of fun putting all the characters in this story. Weisz is definitely fun to write. I want to write a story with him soon.

[marysfoxmask]

Have you done The Misselthwaite Archives webseries? It's obviously one of the looser adaptations, but I thought it was really well done. Love to hear your thoughts on it!

my first ask!!! i’m so excited!! thank you, anon! i love asks, btw, and would love for people to continue to send them!

i actually watched the misselthwaite archives as it was coming out! every wednesday, i watched the newest episode after coming home from school. it was the highlight of my week!

i actually rewatched a good chunk of episodes the other night. it dredges up a lot of nostalgia for me in a bittersweet way. i appreciate the series a lot, and i think everyone involved did a great job, but it’s the way the creators approach adapting the source material that i find to be a little off the mark.

this is mainly because i think something is inevitably lost when bringing the secret garden into modern day (which was, back then, good old 2015). i think, if i were trying to adapt the book into a modern setting, i’d minimize the modern day trappings as much as possible; references to modern pop culture like parks and recreation and beyoncé, like misselarch employs, are fleetingly fun, but i think they date the material too much. they also feel too kitschy and cute, in my opinion. that’s my opinion of a lot of the misselthwaite archives’ adaptation choices—they’re cute, but don’t feel like they do justice to the material. 

i feel making mary a snarky, bitter teenager seems like a good idea at first, but i think it’s ultimately a misrepresentation. in the original novel, she’s prickly and prone to insulting others, sure, but she’s also sullen, withdrawn, and socially awkward—her inability to connect with others is derived from the lack of positive social interaction she had since she was born. she’s emotionally stunted, which mary in the misselthwaite archives doesn’t communicate at all in her video diaries to dr. burnett (which is a very nice homage, i will admit). 

on the contrary, teen!mary is charismatic, with a biting wit; she’s had friends in the past, but they only cared for her parents’ money. ironically, her friendship with declan seems almost to benefit him more in terms of social development than it does her. her petty cruelty seems more the product of watching mean girls one too many times than any deep-rooted emotional trauma. though there are gestures made to indicate that she feels badly about her celebrity parents’ deaths, i never found them particularly convincing. i felt her vulnerability as an orphan, as a young woman with no prospects, with no real friends—as she is at the the beginning of the story—never came through properly. it felt like the writers wanted to modernize mary’s contrariness in a way, metamorphosing it into a more palatable 21st-century diagnosis: jaded teenager syndrome. 

which is cute, but not very book-accurate, i feel. it colors the rest of her journey if she hasn’t been socially deprived like she is in the novel. i can’t imagine the mary of the misselthwaite archives having a profound revelation about how much nicer people look when they smile, for instance. as a result, her journey feels a lot less interesting to me.

i personally feel mary should have been prickly, of course, and sometimes aggressively mean, but more unwilling to talk about her feelings than anything—more emotionally numb after years of neglect, more uninterested in nearly everything. she shrugs when spoken to, looks eternally glum, glares at the pitying glances of sarah medlock. it’s only with the influence of the characters in the story that she’s coaxed into opening up and begins to bloom.

i really liked sarah medlock’s characterization, as well as uncle art’s and phoebe’s! i love that aunt sarah is presented as having positive intentions from the get-go, as i’ve always hated her vilification in other adaptations. i also really like the portrayal of declan—i like the idea of him being a bit of a social misfit.

with callie, i really enjoy her actress’s portrayal—she’s properly hysterical and catty! but i feel like turning colin into a girl doesn’t add anything to the story, and removes some of the narrative tension that comes with mary coming into contact with a member of the opposite sex that mirrors her in terms of upbringing and attitude. if anything, i feel it downplays the tension of their budding friendship, as the subconscious assumption that people are more likely to become friends people of the same sex is one that the audience undoubtedly has. 

i don’t particularly like callie being steeped in pop culture, either, though it makes sense in a modern setting, technically. in the source material, though, colin is surrounded by interesting things to engage with, but he’s disinterested in all those things when mary stumbles across him. he’s more interested in thinking about his illness. i think having callie be immersed in pop culture as a way to entertain herself indicates a level of engagement with the world that colin is completely shut off from, which definitely affects his characterization. a version of colin that is invested in things enough to buy merchandise of them, etc. is a version of colin who is already significantly more “alive” than his book counterpart from the beginning. a more accurate idea of communicating colin’s isolation, i feel, would have callie being too cynical and emotionally stunted to be interested in anything, at least for very long; any media about characters going on interesting adventures only reminds her of the lackluster quality of her own life and makes her insecure, so she eschews pop culture in favor of frequent depression naps and bullying aunt sarah and phoebe. sometimes she’ll read if she’s bored, but not often, and she refuses to have lessons with phoebe unless she feels well enough to learn, leaving her education full of gaps despite her intelligence. callie, in my hypothetical adaptation, is determined to live a miserable, barren existence, much like colin. 

 anyway, it also seems that canon callie isn’t dogged by colin’s negative thoughts quite as much, and her feelings surrounding her condition feel too subdued to communicate colin’s utter maladjustment. the episode where callie “explodes” feels too muted by half! this girl should be furious, incoherent with hysteria, raging at the world for her mother’s death, stricken with self-loathing and misery! but, while callie’s actress does an amazing job with what she has, i can’t help but feel that the adaptation of her character was a bit lukewarm.

i also think giving mary and callie a history together undermines the importance of them finding each other for the first time, and gives their friendship too much of an instant leg-up from the minute mary finds her. it makes the work she has to do to befriend/reform callie feel too easy. 

not to mention, the pacing of the second half of the story, where mary finds callie to the point where she and declan plan to take her to the glade, seems way too fast. i feel there was a lot of missed potential there; they could’ve really drawn out the rockiness of mary and callie’s relationship, like mary and colin’s in the book.

i think my big problem with the misselthwaite archives is that the creators, in service of adapting it to modern times, undercuts and downplays a lot of the earnestness of the characters’ relationships that i found so charming in the book. instead of instantly loving dickon and breathlessly calling him beautiful, mary only grudgingly admits that she needs declan’s help, and any affection she has for him she keeps close to the chest. colin’s desperation for mary’s company, his screaming for her to come to him, is rendered as needy over-texting, devoid of any emotional urgency; callie seems more bored, rather than truly lonely and unable to communicate in an emotionally mature manner, like colin is. even declan is subdued in his love for nature, more shy. it makes sense for a modern adaptation not prone to the novel’s 1910s sentimentality, but i can’t help but feel that the adaptation feels dull and repressed as a result. 

i also wish we got a proper video of callie and declan meeting!

like a lot of adaptations, i think the pacing is off; more time should be spent on ironing out mary and callie’s relationship, more time should be spent in the garden, helping callie bloom. the “eye of the tiger” bit was cute, but gah, colin walking took months and months of practice, and to see all that development be reduced to a short little montage feels disheartening. i’d love to see at least 10 episodes of the teens just chilling in the glade, talking about their childhood traumas in more detail, having little conflicts among each other, planting flowers and setting up decorations...for a series with such short installments, that kind of episodic structure would be perfect. maybe they could create a subplot where mary suggests callie go to her high school and she has to work that out with medlock and that becomes a whole character-building thing, or she has a conflict with basil, or callie properly hashes out her negative feelings toward declan, or something. i dunno. i just wanted more.

i think the misselthwaite archives was really cute, but i feel it misses the mark on the melancholy of the original story; the glade itself is perfect, but the interpretation of mary feels too derivative of the “bratty teenager” trope to be honest to her book character, in my opinion. and i dislike pop culture references in timeless classics, even modern-day interpretations of them, lol. but i still appreciate it as an adaptation, though—it’s just so eager to translate the sentimentality into something more modern that it loses the essence of what i find so charming about the book, which is the unabashed intensity of the characters’ friendships, the extreme character development, and the scale of the emotional and social deprivation mary and colin suffered before said character development occurs.

i also wish declan had more animals around him, though obviously that can’t be helped, haha.

please send more asks, anon! i’d be happy to answer them! :)

[improbablecarny]

Okay so here’s my Netflix Witcher Season 2 Predictions & Speculations

Don’t place any bets on these these. I’m rambling and asking questions more than answering them. But that’s the fun part, anyway.

Putting these behind a cut because of spoiler potential and because I don’t want to subject your eyes to my rambling any more than necessary

What we know:

Season 2 will have a more linear timeline

Eight episodes, again

It will cover content from Blood of Elves, Time of Contempt, The Last Wish and maybe Sword of Destiny?

There are four major threads to the plot of the books, here.

Who is Rience? Who is he working for?

What is going on with the Brotherhood?

What's Nilfgaard up to and how are the other kingdoms feeling about that whole thing?

What is Ciri’s deal and how does she fit into all of the above?

What the S2 opener will be, I’m not sure, but I have two ideas, with caveats:

Yen saves Jaskier from Rience. It’s a strong scene and sets up a lot of the season’s intrigue right away - the issue is that it skips over the aftermath of Sodden Hill, and I feel like we’re going to spend a bit more time with Yen before she gets back to the point where she’s stabbing dudes and saving bards.

Geralt visits Codringher and Fenn. I know, that scene is jumping WAY ahead, and by this point in the books Geralt has already encountered Rience -- however, I think it may work to establish C&F earlier, and have Geralt immediately employing them to spread misinfo about Ciri’s “death”. I think we could still set up Rience a little here -- ask if the name means anything to him, it doesn’t, they don’t know much either but they’ve Heard Rumours, etc. Also honestly I just REALLY love the atmosphere of that scene and think it would be a very eye-catching, moody opener.

In fact, both of these could conceivably happen in the same episode. The tricky part for me is not knowing how much of a timeskip they’ll add between seasons and how they’re going to handle Yen’s reappearance. Is she going to wake up in an infirmary somewhere and get an immediate exposition dump from Tissaia? Is she going to spend some time wandering through an interdimensional hell zone? Are we going to see that all in the present or will it be done through flashback?

How Season 2 will end, though, I have a much better sense of: all four major plotlines converge when it’s revealed that Vilgefortz is pulling the strings and Aretuza goes bananas in a strikingly obvious Season Finale sort of way. We get a lovely cliffhanger where Vilgefortz kicks Geralt’s ass before Triss saves him by shoving him through a portal, Ciri kicks Cahir’s ass and jumps through a shittier portal, Yen disappears again, and Jaskier is forced to leave on his own, again. I love pain and being in it! Of course the finer details there are all subject to change but the big picture climax is that Vilgefortz is naughty and oops, war.

So that’s the bread, where’s the rest of the sandwich?

With news that Nivellen and Vereena have been cast, we know we’re getting an adaptation A Grain of Truth from The Last Wish. I suspect Geralt and Ciri will be stumbling upon that spooky mansion on the way to Kaer Morhen, but that’s about as far as I can think on that one. But will any of the other shorts pop up? 

A Shard of Ice and Sword of Destiny have been essentially nullified by choices made by the show so far, so I think they’re safely out of the game (though A Shard of Ice sets up the Wild Hunt so presumably that will still need to be worked in somewhere)

I would LOVE to see Eternal Flame adapted because it is my exact sense of humour, and A Little Sacrifice has a great mood and freaky fish people. Both of them would be very interesting places to deal with Geralt and Jaskier’s spat -- a conflict not present in the books, but its presence in the show casts some of the events of the book in an interesting light. The primary issue I’m having is trying to figure out how to get them to fit into the timeline/trajectory of the ongoing plot (and my secondary issue is that the stuff with Essa was weird as hell, though I think it could be smoothed over).

Speaking of Jaskier, I’m quite interested in where they’re going to take his character, since the books (up to this point) didn’t really give him much of an arc, but Lauren Hissrich has noted that we’ll see more of his serious side and his struggle with what he really wants. To me, that sounds suggestive of giving him more of a role in the espionage story, and through that, better establishing his fear and guilt over his perceived inability to adequately help Geralt and Ciri without putting them in jeopardy, all while still dealing with their falling out. He’s loyal, but he’s hurt, and he’s in a precarious position that he doesn’t really know how to handle. 

The introduction of the falling out sets this storyline up into three nice beats. The first one was in the infamous episode 6, where Geralt tells him to hit the road, breaking hearts around the world. Jumping into the books, the second beat would be during the mage mash, where Geralt once again demands that Jaskier leaves -- this time, though, for his own safety. And then we get the third beat, in Brokilon forest (hopeful button for the end of S2 or moody opener to S3? Both work imo), when Geralt tries to get Jaskier to leave Brokilon, and Jaskier puts his foot down and says no. That seems like a place to aim for, and once again, make everyone cry.

The aforementioned shorts would be a great place to let that arc marinate, though the exact details are still something I’m mulling over. (Honestly I really just want big city shapeshifter shenanigans because LISTEN... listen. It’s good) More importantly, though... what kinda music is he gonna bring us next season?

Yen’s plotline is running through muddier waters for me on account of the books rarely dipping into her perspective, but she’ll no doubt be involved in trying to suss out what’s going on with the mages. She allegedly has a scene with Francesca somewhere, and Istredd and Stregobor are returning (despite being absent at this point in the books) so presumably they will also cause problems. There are a lot of different directions they can go with her here, as I touched on briefly earlier wrt the fallout from Sodden Hill, but a lot of it might have to be spun wholecloth in a way I’m not so sure I can make any truly educated assumptions about. How is Geralt going to find out she’s still alive? How is he going to re-initiate contact with her? We’ll surely get some ripe emotional conflict as her, Triss, Sabrina and Tissaia deal with the conspiracy in very different ways. Too many viable answers and none that I’m going to place any bets on but am still, of course, excited for.

Cahir is another complete wildcard for me. I haven’t seen enough of him in the books thus far to make super accurate predictions but “gets horsejacked and ass-kicked by Ciri and then yelled at by Geralt until he faints” is quite a ways away from “slaughters an entire tavern in a fit of paranoid rage” (I get the impression Show!Cahir is also much older than his book counterpart). I can’t imagine it’d make much sense in the long run for them to have actually combined he and Rience’s characters, but I almost wonder if that’s what’s going on. Presumably, Fringilla will play a part in whatever he’s up to.

The Temple is in an odd place. No mention or setup of it so far so I wonder if it’s been excised entirely for streamlining purposes. Ciri goes from studying the blade in Kaer Morhen to studying magic in Aretuza without the complication of a third location (also for magic study) in between?

Yarpen’s return more or less also confirms that the subplot with the dummy cargo from Blood of Elves will occur in some form or another, likely as a means of establishing the Squirrels.

And here’s some incomplete and assorted tentpole book scenes (that I haven’t already addressed) that we’ll likely get in some form:

Several Ciri training montages (insert Jaskier cover of Eye of the Tiger here)

Ciri parent trapping Geralt and Yennefer

Geralt vs the river monster vs Rience’s dudes

Geralt and Philippa vs Rience and more of his dudes

Basically any of the points where Ciri goes into a trance, plus the incident with the wyvern

Introductions for Emhyr, Dijkstra, and Philippa

It goes without saying but a lot of forethought has been put into the Netflix adaptation, despite some fanboy bellyaching. There were many points where, reading the books, I found myself reacting emotionally based on things that had only been set up in the show -- from Ciri and Yen’s relationship and their approach to magic, to Geralt and Jaskier’s reconciliation, to Vilgefortz’s turn, most of the changes made by the show are really there to further reinforce events from the books. And boy, are there events to be had.

In conclusion,

[benisasoftboi]

A Very Serious Pokemon Theory

A while ago I wrote a 2,406 word essay about Pokémon Live! that I thought no one would read. And then, apparently, a few people actually did read it. I found this incredibly flattering - and have also taken it as a challenge to write something even more niche and completely unnecessary.

I will therefore be attempting to convince you of my theory that Pokemon Live! (the Pokemon live-action stage musical) and the Pokemon Christmas Bash music album actually take place in the same universe - one that is more similar to our own than any other in the franchise. My explanation will include reference to the American military, Jesus, politics, infinite multiverses, and the Broadway musical The Book of Mormon. I feel that I should warn for very frequent reference to homophobia, as well as a brief reference to something that could be seen as anti-Semitic. Also, someone will get a Tony Award at the end.

If any of that intrigues, please read on.

The Works In Question

I’m going to briefly explain what Pokemon Live! and Pokemon Christmas Bash are - the initiated can feel free to skip down to the next section if they want.

Pokemon Live! was a live action Pokemon musical that toured in the US from September 2000 to January 2001. It is best known among Pokemon fans for including a subplot that revealed that Ash’s mother and Giovanni dated, possibly implying that Giovanni is Ash’s father - leading to an incredible showdown between Ash and Giovanni where Giovanni, no joke, taunts Ash (a child) by implying that he slept with Ash’s mother, and then follows that up by telling him that nice guys finish last.

Outside of Pokemon fandom, it is mostly known because the character of James was played by a young Andrew Rannells. Rannells would go on to be a very successful Broadway and television actor. One of the things he’s best known for is originating the role of Elder Price in the musical The Book of Mormon. He has, as of writing, been personally nominated for two Tonys, but won neither. This will be relevant later.

Pokemon Live! can be watched for free on YouTube, albeit in very poor quality. It follows Ash trying to win a ‘Diamond Badge’, which is actually a ruse by Giovanni to train his (~mechanical marrrrrvel~) Mecha Mewtwo. It’s a really fun, bizarre ride, because there’s something weirdly earnest about it - like the creators were genuinely, sincerely trying to make a good musical. They did not succeed. It’s a dumpster fire. But a glorious one. 

Pokemon Christmas Bash is an album released at Christmas 2001. It features 10 Pokemon themed Christmas songs, some of which are covers of existing songs, and others which are entirely original. The singers are all members of the 4Kids anime cast. Most of the songs are hilarious, and it’s obvious that everyone was having fun with the whole thing (contrasting Pokemon Live!, which was apparently absolute hell to work on). 

Fun fact, at least one of the songs was written by Eric Stuart, James’s original English voice actor (unless you want to get anal about it, in which case I’m talking about James’s second voice actor, following Ted Lewis, who did all of seven episodes versus Stuart’s hundreds). All in all, there’s not a lot else to say about it (for now). It can all be listened to online, but a physical copy will set you back a hundred dollars or so.

Both Pokemon Live! and Pokemon Christmas Bash are American-made entries into the franchise, and are therefore considered non-canon by most fans. I find this attitude very boring, especially since the Generation 6 games established Pokemon to exist in an infinite multiverse rather than just one fictional universe with one canon. There’s no reason these two can’t exist in their own bizarro canon universe, far away from the rest of the franchise - and I am now going to begin presenting my theory.

The Weirdest Line In Pokemon Live!

Pokemon Live! is filled with strange moments. Mewtwo Ex Machina. Team Rocket on scooters. Brock stopping the entire plot to sing and dance about his polyamorous inclinations towards much older women. 

But the strangest (to me) is when James references Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. By name. Seriously, here’s the quote:

Well yeah, but where does [Mecha Mewtwo] stand on campaign finance reform, social security, and Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, for the unfamiliar, was America’s policy regarding gay and bisexual individuals serving in the military, instituted in 1994, and repealed in 2011. The policy basically meant that if you wanted to serve, you had to stay in the closet - but also no one could harass or try to out you. In other words - ‘it’s okay that you’re having gay thoughts, so long as you never act upon them’. (Was that an inappropriate time to make a reference? Can’t be more inappropriate than referencing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell in a Pokemon musical, surely...) 

I talked about the meta-level homophobic implications of this line last time, but here, we’re looking at this from an in-universe perspective. It raises important questions.

This must mean Pokemon Live! takes place in Pokemon America, as opposed to the Pokemon Very-Loosely-Japan that we see in the anime and games. So if there is a Pokemon American military, what other American staples are there Pokemon versions of?

So why is there homophobia in this version of the Pokemon universe? No other Pokemon universe has homophobia (sidenote, is it not a little bit darkly funny that the most homophobic piece of Pokemon media is the musical?). In fact, most other Pokemon universes are kind of progressive, if anything - very equal opportunity regardless of race, gender, nation regionality.

Pokemon Christmas Bash has us covered.

Nobody Don’t Like Christmas

Everything we need to know comes from the fourth song on this album - ‘Nobody Don’t Like Christmas’. 

This song is sung entirely by Meowth, and well. Look. Maddie Blaustein was a very talented voice actress. Perhaps she was also a good singer when not doing the Meowth voice, I don’t know. 

But Meowth should not sing. Singing and Meowth do not go together. No one should have heard that voice and thought ‘let’s give that character a song’. It happened in the anime as well, and it’s the worst part of an otherwise great episode. 

If you can look past the grating vocals, though, this song is incredible. The whole thing is a three minute diss track for every non-Christmas holiday, going everywhere from shaming the dateless on Valentine’s Day, to pointing out that Thanksgiving isn’t all that fun for the turkeys, to just straight up declaring St. Patrick’s Day to be dull.

But there are three important lines here to consider.

The first is my personal favourite line in the whole song. 

The Fourth of July / Can be a real drag / If you can’t get no one to salute your flag

Firstly, I love that Meowth is offering the warning that patriotism can only go so far and that eventually citizens’ blind loyalty to country will evaporate if given sufficient reason, leaving celebration of said country hollow and meaningless. A bold choice for Christmas 2001. Not to mention a necessary message for today. 

More importantly though, this suggests that these songs might be being sung by specifically American versions of the main cast. The Fourth of July is a holiday only an American would reference in a song like this, as no other country celebrates it - it definitely wouldn’t come up if they were, say, British, for example (in that case, would probably mention Guy Fawkes Night instead). Even more unlikely if they’re Japanese.

However - it’s worth remembering that Meowth is actually canonically American (he is from Hollywood), meaning it isn’t unreasonable for him to make this reference. This is where line number two comes into play.

Memorial Day is a day to forget!

That’s right, everyone.

Meowth hates the troops.

It’s true. Why else would he dismiss this holiday?

But why does Meowth hate the troops?

We return to Pokemon Live! for answers.

Pokemon and the American Military

Interestingly enough, these are not the only franchise entries that mention the American military. Gym Leader Lt. Surge was explicitly described to be an American soldier in the early games (also fun but not really relevant fact, his anime counterpart shares his English voice actress with Meowth - if him having a voice actress seems odd, the explanation is that Blaustein was a trans woman, and so mostly played male roles as they suited her voice better). 

Real world locations have been gradually phased out as the franchise has continued, and later games implied that he is now from Unova, the region based on America. 

Meowth never seemed to have a problem with Surge in the anime, suggesting that in that version, he does not hate the troops. So what’s different in Christmas Bash?

There’s only one explanation.

Remember, Pokemon Live! establishes the existence of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Also remember - James and Meowth are good friends. And James is gay.

What? That’s always been ambiguous, you say? 

Go watch Pokemon Live! and tell me that version of James isn’t gay. Watch one scene with him in it. Go watch it and then tell me that man is straight. Go and do it. You can’t. Pokemon Live! James is gay as Christmas.

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is a policy that discriminates against gay people. James may not be a soldier, but it still does reflect social attitudes towards discrimination, and so is something he would likely oppose on general principle. And as James’s friend, Meowth would likely do the same.

Meowth hates the troops because he is an ally.

And so we have our definitive connection. This also confirms that we are in America in both entries.

Probably Blasphemy

So what’s the third important line then?

Who wants to go through all that Yom Kippuren?  

A reference to Yom Kippur. This is a Jewish holiday that I do not feel equipped to explain, due to my definitely not being Jewish, but I understand it to be extremely important in the Jewish faith. 

Essentially saying that it’s too tedious in a song about how great Christmas is doesn’t seem like a great look, 4Kids, just saying. I doubt it was done maliciously but like... still.

However, this confirmation of the existence of Judaism confirms something much bigger - the existence of religion. Another American staple! 

Up until now, this has been ambiguous. Sure, we’ve been referencing Christmas all this time, but there have been no references to Christ, so we could assume that Christmas is a secular holiday with a weird name. It’s already somewhat secular in the real world - my family couldn’t get less religious and we celebrate it. But if there is Judaism, it is totally reasonable to assume there is Christianity. And that opens a whole floodgate.

So firstly, this finally gives us an explanation for where Pokemon Don’t Ask Don’t Tell probably came from! After all, which religion is most associated with homophobia in real-world America? (No hate towards non-homophobic Christians, just for the record, but like... this is a problem, to put it mildly). So this further solidifies the connection, putting them in the same universe.

Plus, the song ends with Meowth stating that he actually hates Christmas! So Meowth is again being an ally - he’s just, like, the kind that takes it really, really far and maybe needs to chill just a little?

Secondly, this makes a certain line from another song on Pokemon Christmas Bash even funnier, where Brock replaces the beginning of the hymn Joy To The World with:

Nurse Joy is a girl / She sure is fun / But I like Jenny too!

Because this means that covering that song with those lyrics isn’t just kind of inappropriate out-of-universe, it’s also inappropriate in-universe!

But what’s really messing with me is the hundreds of new questions Pokemon Christianity raises. How do they reconcile Arceus with God? Is God in this universe a metal goat, or do they coexist? Was there Pokemon Jesus? I’m not sure I’m okay with Pokemon Jesus. If there is Pokemon Jesus, did Pokemon help with the crucifixion (the Timburr line seem like they’d have been helpful)? Or was Jesus like, a baby Arceus, and therefore probably quite difficult to crucify? Is there Pokemon Heaven? Is there Pokemon Hell? How do the Pokemon Christians feel about Mr. Mime, who is clearly an insult to God? What is a Pokemon church service like? Are there different sects of Pokemon Christianity? Were there Pokemon religious wars? Are there Pokemon Catholics? Pokemon Protestants? Pokemormons???

I don’t like this.

And here’s another question.

Remember how I mentioned how Andrew Rannells played James? And how he also originated Elder Price in Book of Mormon?

Well. Here’s the thing. 

Pokemormons are a very real possibility. If there is Christianity, and also America, then it wouldn’t be unlikely for them to exist in this universe.

However, we have determined that this is one universe, and therefore, James and Andrew Rannells cannot coexist. Only James exists in this universe.

So who first played Elder Price in The Book of Pokemormon?

Okay, So, Full Disclosure, This Is Basically Just My Fanfiction Now, But the Sunk Cost Fallacy Says You’ll Probably Stick Around Since You’ve Already Read Over 2,000 Words Of This Nonsense By This Point, and I’m Going to Take Advantage of That

I think it was James. 

I think James went on to start a Broadway career. I think he was in an unlicensed Karate Kid musical, and was Tall in Jersey Boys, and then wound up as Elder Price. I think he did a great job. I think he got nominated for a Tony when award season came round, along with lots of other people involved with The Book of Pokemormon. 

But he didn’t win it. Norbert Leo Butz won it for Catch Me If You Can (I had to look that up, was planning on changing it to a Pokemon-joke title - but what do you know, it already has one. Serendipity!). 

James no longer has a Broadway career. But he does have a Tony.

He stole it.

Because here’s the thing - Team Rocket are actually pretty good at crime when Ash and Co. aren’t around. Remember that one time they stole an entire stadium?

They could have literally stolen the whole show, but instead they just stole one thing - that Tony Award. And so James now has an award for Best Actor in a Musical, as well as the unofficial award for Most Extra Thing Ever Done At The Tonys. 

James disappears, but his legacy remains. In this universe, all Elder Prices have lavender hair - fans reject any Price who tries to avoid this. 

Meanwhile, Jessie, James and Meowth sail off into the sunset in their balloon. James is happy. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell will be repealed soon. He will have a chat with Meowth about overzealous allyship, though he appreciates it all the same. He smiles at his friend Jessie and takes her hand. Christmas is a long way off, but he can’t help but be excited all of a sudden. He’ll spend it with his family - Jessie, Meowth, and now, his stolen Tony Award.

In the meantime, they’ll do what they love best.

Be gay and do crime.

What Have We Learnt?

This is the most homophobic Pokemon universe we know of

It’s also a universe where everything is set in America

Meowth is surprisingly politically aware

Meowth hates the troops

There was a Pokemon Jesus

4Kids maybe should have hired some sensitivity readers

James from Pokemon possesses more Tony Awards than Andrew Rannells 

I have way too much free time

Anyway, this was 2,698 words long and a terrible use of literally everyone’s time. It is rambly and extremely self-indulgent and goes off on countless tangents and you could probably poke like ten holes in it without trying. Please don’t take any of this seriously. It’s now 4 AM. Thank you and goodnight.��

[thenerdparty]

It: Chapter Two - Film Review

Written by Shawn Eastridge It: Chapter Two demonstrates how little director Andy Muschietti had left in his bag of tricks following the first film. It’s got all the same problems as its predecessor - lame, repetitive scares and an overreliance on computer-generated trickery. Add to the mix a frantic, unfocused storyline, which never manages to find its way and an unnecessarily long running length and you’ve got a film that never manages to live up to the charms of its predecessor. It’s a tonal mess, leapfrogging horror for comedy at nearly every and plays plays out many of the same beats as the first film, but without the benefit of that film’s pre-teen cast and their energetic chemistry.

As I mentioned in my review of the first film, It is my favorite of Stephen King’s novels. While it’s typically labeled as nothing more than ‘the one with the creepy clown,’ people neglect to mention it’s also a genuinely affecting and thoughtful coming-of-age tale. Aside from King’s standard unforgettable scares and terrifying imagery, his story said something profound about the nature of growing up, the importance of friendship and the bittersweetness of leaving your childhood behind. 

There’s an overabundance of narrative and thematic ground to cover in this 1,100+ page tome. While the novel intercuts the grown-up Losers’ story with that of their childhood counterparts’, Muschietti and company opted to split the adult’s portion and the kids’ portion into two separate entities. On paper it seems like a smart idea, but the reality proves otherwise. In King’s novel, the intercutting format allows the reader to rediscover the adult Losers’ childhood memories as the characters’ do. When the two stories are split in two, all it accomplishes is further re-emphasizing information we already know, drawing attention to the repetitive nature of the story. We know how things will play out because we’ve already seen the entire story in the first film and this robs It: Chapter Two of much of its potential for suspense and mystery. 

Somehow three hours feels both too long and not long enough. The first hour’s chaotic pacing and editing finds It: Chapter Two’s screenplay struggling to discover its way. I don’t envy Gary Dauberman, the sequel’s sole screenwriter. He’s tasked with re-introducing no less than seven characters, catching us up with their adult iterations and sending them back to Derry for a showdown with an evil clown. The sheer amount of information thrown at viewers makes it difficult to register the reunion between these characters. We’re supposed to believe these are the same life-long friends we’ve come to know and love, but because we’ve spent so little time learning who they are in the present day, it doesn’t feel like we know them at all. Whereas the source material frames the battle between the Losers and Pennywise as an epic showdown between the forces of good and evil, the film version portrays it as little more than ‘group of kids fights scary monster.’ There’s no sense of the greater stakes and it makes the battle at the center of both these films feel insignificant. 

The film never recovers from the disconnect between the adult Losers and their younger counterparts. While the ensemble is strong, made up of the likes of James McAvoy, Jessica Chastain and Bill Hader, there’s little chemistry between them. Hader, as has already been stated, is the highlight here. His youthful performance brings the energy and humanity It: Chapter Two sorely needs. His interactions with James Ransone’s Eddie provide many of the film’s best moments. 

The remaining cast members, while giving solid takes, are surprisingly stiff and awkward. McAvoy never seems comfortable in the role of Bill Denborough and it doesn’t help that his and Chastain’s ‘romance’ feels shoehorned in. The lack of chemistry between the adult versions of these characters holds It: Chapter Two back from hitting its emotional beats. Every time the film flashes back to the Losers as kids, it reminded me just how well the young ensemble worked as a unit and how much the first film benefited from their involvement. Their presence is sorely missed this time around. 

And then there’s Bill Skarsgard as Pennywise the clown. It’s as if Muschetti didn’t trust that Skarsgard’s take would be frightening enough. At nearly every opportunity, the performance is amplified by hokey computer-generated effects that diminish the work Skarsgard is doing. Maybe it’s just the reality of the situation: the more you see of Pennywise, the less scary he is. Seeing as how we’ve already seen an awful lot of him in the last film and nearly three hours worth of him in this one, it’s no wonder Muschetti struggled to make it work. But the addition of morphing, CGI faces don’t help the cause and, in fact, take away from Skarsgard’s effectiveness in the role.

Just as ineffective are the goofy, computer-generated monstrosities that pop out of every which corner to terrify our heroes. There are a few genuinely effective scares, such as when Jessica Chastain’s Beverly pays a visit to her childhood home, or a scene in which Pennywise lures a young girl to her demise under the bleachers during a sporting event. The film’s final act also features a number of inventive sequences that give it a much needed jolt. For the most part though, the scares play out in exactly the same way: a disembodied voice lures one of our heroes off to a dark, secluded area where a monster is waiting to pop out and provide the obligatory jump scare. This happens to every single one of the main characters, and it plays out in nearly the exact same way every time. Any potential for terror is diminished by the repetitiveness. It ends up being annoying more than anything else.

Sadly, It: Chapter Two feels like an obligatory comedown from the unexpected high of the first film, almost as if the filmmakers themselves weren’t sure how to live up to expectations and decided to scrap the whole attempt. Ultimately this adaptation fails because it lacks the emotional nuance and sense of stakes established in Stephen King’s novel. By honing in on cheap scares and cramming in unnecessary subplots, Muscheitti loses the essential heart of the story. His ambitions are admirable, but the final product sinks rather than floats.

FINAL RATING: 2 out of 5

[sidneyellwoods]

Spin the Dawn by Elizabeth Lim

July 9, 2019, from Knopf Books for Young Readers Young adult fantasy Goodreads | Amazon | Book Depository

Project Runway meets Mulan in this sweeping YA fantasy about a young girl who poses as a boy to compete for the role of imperial tailor and embarks on an impossible journey to sew three magic dresses, from the sun, the moon, and the stars.

Maia Tamarin dreams of becoming the greatest tailor in the land, but as a girl, the best she can hope for is to marry well. When a royal messenger summons her ailing father, once a tailor of renown, to court, Maia poses as a boy and takes his place. She knows her life is forfeit if her secret is discovered, but she’ll take that risk to achieve her dream and save her family from ruin. There’s just one catch: Maia is one of twelve tailors vying for the job.

Backstabbing and lies run rampant as the tailors compete in challenges to prove their artistry and skill. Maia’s task is further complicated when she draws the attention of the court magician, Edan, whose piercing eyes seem to see straight through her disguise.

And nothing could have prepared her for the final challenge: to sew three magic gowns for the emperor’s reluctant bride-to-be, from the laughter of the sun, the tears of the moon, and the blood of stars. With this impossible task before her, she embarks on a journey to the far reaches of the kingdom, seeking the sun, the moon, and the stars, and finding more than she ever could have imagined.

Steeped in Chinese culture, sizzling with forbidden romance, and shimmering with magic, this young adult fantasy is pitch-perfect for fans of Sarah J. Maas or Renée Ahdieh.

Hi folks! I’m so grateful to be able to be a part of the blog tour for Elizabeth’s Spin the Dawn, an incredibly creative and vivid Asian-inspired fantasy. Thank you so much to Shealea and Caffiene Book Tours for giving me this opportunity! I’m very excited to share my review and some aesthetics and quotes today.

There’s an aspect in high fantasy worldbuilding that doesn’t, in my opinion, get due credit, and that’s the fashion and clothing of the world. I love historical fashion, but most books tend to skim over the clothes that bring life to the world and characters. Spin the Dawn turns it into an epic story filled with action, romance, and amazing worldbuilding.

Our heroine is Maia Tamarin, a skilled tailor who takes her brother’s place in a competition to become the new imperial tailor. I very much adored Maia’s character and love that we don’t see your typical fantasy protagonist here. Maia is not a fighter; she can get by when she needs to, but she’s not good at it. Rather, her talent lies in tailoring: knitting, sewing, embroidering, and it’s exactly what she needs to excel in the world she lives in. Maia is headstrong, determined, and incredibly dedicated to her craft, and it’s clear that she’s a true expert–magical scissors or not. Maia has also been through a lot in her lifetime: she’s lost her mother and two of her brothers while the rest of her family is also shattered from the lost, and even though she’s learned to heal from it to some extent, her experience is something that colours her narrative and character arc. It gives her the drive she needs to take care of her family and pour all her energy into succeeding.

Of all the other characters, Edan really stands out: he was so sweet all the time, with a lot of mystery and a great sense of humour. Honestly, a standup guy all around and an absolutely loveable love interest. Unlike a lot of relationships between immortals and teenagers, this one only weirded me out a bit (the Darkling who? I only know Edan). I also loved the slow burn component to the romance; their romance subplot didn’t feel too dragged out or too quick. And one character who we didn’t learn a whole lot about but who absolutely intrigues me is Emperor Khanujin, who despite being relatively young for an emperor has put his kingdom through a war. It certainly looks like there’s a lot more to him than the surface shows, and I hope Maia (and us!) get to find out more about him in the next book.

The land of A’landi was also fascinating and in many ways timeless, taking inspiration from all parts of China and other Asian cultures to create A’landi. I’m not sure if A’landi is meant to be a counterpart of China or not, but it definitely reads more like a cultural fusion of Asian cultures than only China–from the descriptions of the food, to names, people, and fashions. Nevertheless, I did enjoy it: the world of Spin the Dawn is one of the most vivid and realized fantasy worlds I’ve read in a while, and I loved seeing all of the different environments and places of A’landi.

Elizabeth Lim’s writing is so lyrical and gorgeous and truly a pleasure to read. In terms of pacing, I felt as if it was mostly done right–there are two different sections to the book that have two very different tones and plots. However, I don’t think either would have been able to constitute a book on its own. I also feel as if the final part of the book was a bit rushed–but hopefully, this is something that I’ll feel better about after I read the sequel (which I am very excited for).

I very much enjoyed reading Spin the Dawn: it’s a rare bit of fantasy that doesn’t focus on physical trials and protagonists who know how to fight, but it’s still packed with action and adventure. The loveable characters and wonderfully crafted world will certainly leave readers wanting more.

aesthetics + giveaway!!

  We also have a giveaway going on! You can enter to win a copy of Spin the Dawn at this link, and good news, it’s INTERNATIONAL!!

(Ya girl loves international giveaways.)

We also have a Twitter chat happening at 9pm Phillipines time–which is 9am EST and 6am PST. There will be a giveaway for US-based participants, so if you’re in the US, set your alarms.

You can also check out the rest of the tour schedule here!

about the author

Elizabeth Lim grew up on a hearty staple of fairy tales, myths, and songs. Her passion for storytelling began around age 10, when she started writing fanfics for Sailor Moon, Sweet Valley, and Star Wars, and posted them online to discover, “Wow, people actually read my stuff. And that’s kinda cool!” But after one of her teachers told her she had “too much voice” in her essays, Elizabeth took a break from creative writing to focus on not flunking English.

Over the years, Elizabeth became a film and video game composer, and even went so far as to get a doctorate in music composition. But she always missed writing, and turned to penning stories when she needed a breather from grad school. One day, she decided to write and finish a novel — for kicks, at first, then things became serious — and she hasn’t looked back since.

Elizabeth loves classic film scores, books with a good romance, food (she currently has a soft spot for arepas and Ethiopian food), the color turquoise, overcast skies, English muffins, cycling, and baking. She lives in New York City with her husband.

Website | Goodreads | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter

what are your favourite mulan retellings, or favourite asian fantasies?? will you be reading spin the dawn when it comes out??

hi folks i am SO grateful to be able to be a part of the blog tour for SPIN THE DAWN by @lizlim! thank you to @caffienetours @shutupshealea for hosting, this was a wonderful experience & book!! #SpinTheDawnTour Spin the Dawn by Elizabeth Lim July 9, 2019, from Knopf Books for Young Readers Young adult fantasy…

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

Notes on SPN 14.02

So! I saw 14.01 yesterday, which was for the most part, surprisingly, a blast, and since I have a bit of free time today I thought I’d keep a hold of the momentum and watch and liveblog 14.02 as well. I’ve heard it’s one of those Buckleming plot-a-paloozas, but I’ll try my best to provide semi-reasonable commentary instead of incoherent ranting.

Right. As always, typing this post up as I watch. SPOILERS for the episode ahead.

1. We start with a recap of last season’s finale, and Show, do you really want to remind us this many times about that wire-fight?

1.25. Show’s lore regarding possession has been dizzyingly inconsistent, but the more I think about it, the less sense it makes to me that Nick is alive? Because Nick couldn’t actually house Lucifer for very long in s5—he was deteriorating, which was why Lucifer needed Sam so urgently. The last we saw of Nick, he was dead/dying in a dingy room in Detroit, when Lucifer jumped ship to Sam. Even if Lucifer assumed Nick’s visage in the Cage and afterwards when he was brought back, Nick-the-person with Nick-memories and Nick-feelings isn’t there anymore.

1.255. So what does this mean? Like, if this was explained away sometime over the last two seasons--I’m very sorry, I really wasn’t paying a lot of attention to large chunks of them—please let me know. If there’s no explanation, then has Lucifer disappeared inside a Nick-construct? Did he use a loophole to escape the worst of the Archangel Blade right at the moment Dean plunged it into his side? Lucifer was “human” for a while in s13, iirc. Did he have enough “human” to hide behind and recover? And has he filled that human with the memories/personality of one of the humans he knew best? Is it because he spent centuries assuming Nick’s body in the Cage that he’s most comfortable being him here?

… I don’t know. Maybe I’m missing something obvious, but, hey, it’s fun to speculate.

2. We start off with people artfully tied up in an artfully derelict church illuminated artfully by artful lightning.

… *groans* I hope we aren’t getting a torture scene already.

2.25. Well, Michael’s certainly chirpier than he was last episode.

2.5. Is he trying to make new angel minions, is that it, by feeding them blood and his grace? Leaving aside the lack of creativity in the mechanism, the whole thing kind of makes a weird sense. Michael is looking for those with purity of purpose—among religious leaders (and refugees, apparently), angels, and then finally monsters—and rejecting those ‘poisoned’ by nuance and experience and supposed sin. After all, no being whose wants are even slightly more complex than ‘food’ is going to be a perfect follower.

It also plays into his assholey, self-righteous personality and, well, god-complex.

(Dean would’ve appreciated this quest for pure purpose.)

3. There’s a kind of sitcom-y vibe to this little expository scene: Bobby talks shit about angels only for Castiel to walk in with a quirked eyebrow; the group talks about Jack and Lucifer only for Jack to walk in and go, “hey, you talkin bout my father again?”

(these are the tiny ways I feel SPN is at cross-purposes with its own theme of ‘found family’. Everybody’s obsessed with blood relations, to the point that Lucifer and Jack are constantly referred to as ‘father and son’ when there is no need to bring that relationship up. Last year, even Castiel referred to Jack while talking to Lucifer as ‘your son’ without any prompting from Satan. Words are so powerful, and so revealing.)

3.45. Castiel “as you know, Bob”-ing is hilarious. Oh, Buckleming.

3.5. Um, not to dismiss or compare Castiel’s considerable trauma at the hands of Lucifer, but is anybody going to acknowledge even once that Sam, who appears to have taken the brunt of caring for Nick so far, is also going to have trouble looking into his abuser’s face??

4. Nick continues to make no sense to me.

(I like little touches like Castiel telling him that he needs to remind himself to eat.)

4.5. I kinda like this scene, sue me. It makes sense to me that Nick would obsess over and over again about how he could’ve let himself say yes to Lucifer, although Lucifer is as old as time and had all the power in that situation. The ‘monster’ bit is a little too on-the-nose for me, but I like it. Really drives home what an intimate, horrifying violation possession is and how scarred and twisted it can leave the survivor who spirals down a well of undeserved guilt and self-loathing.

I wish Sam was the one talking to him now, or was at least present. He’d talked in the previous scene about how Nick was only ‘housing’ and deserved a chance to rebuild his life, and that hard-earned generosity of spirit would’ve been a balm to all three of them, I think.

5. ETA on the TOD, Bobby? *sporfle* Seriously though, I love this role-reversal: usually it’s Bobby who’s rolling his eyes at SamnDean’s eff-bee-eye shenanigans.

5.25. Ah, but where this Bobby has become an expert now is in telling the difference between smiting patterns!

5.5. I wonder if trying to appear non-threatening is just Sam’s default whenever he meets with, uh, ‘civilians’.

6. I really, honestly hate that the Bunker just happens to have ‘lore books’ on whatever the hell random question they’re having that day. I just kinda hate the Bunker in general, now that I think about it.

6.25. But doesn’t that ‘human component’ (lol) make a Nephilim strong enough to take down even archangels?

6.5. As pep talks go, that wasn’t bad. A few notes:

a) there’s an earnestness to the words that I’m sure that Castiel learned from Sam.

b) I think this is the first time that Castiel—or anybody—has referred to the events of 8.23 as “The Great Fall”. It’s interesting that it’s already gotten a name among angelkind and that Castiel would call it that, given how close he was to the events that led to it.

c) I want to both laugh and cry at Castiel’s assertion that Sam and Dean were there for him after he lost his grace. He was mostly left to fend for himself, obviously, but there’s no space for that in a pep talk.

d) Sometimes it’s easy to forget that Jack is actually just only a year old. Asking him not to dwell on something so… immediate is a tall ask.

7. Ok, so that was a nice snappy little counterpart to Lucifer-talking-to-Sam-in-the-mirror from the s5 finale. I like how Michael is blunt and matter-of-fact while Lucifer relished in the moment, bragged about how he’d had Sam’s number all his life, and seduced him with violent revenge. This is nice.

I don’t know, guys, I’m really enjoying this episode so far!

8. Sooooo Lucifer is residing in some subconscious layer of Nick’s mind? Is this PTSD shaped by his possession? Is Lucifer bleeding through his own construct? Are we going to find that it was actually Nick who killed his own family? (I think we are.)

8.2. Castiel looking for residual Lucifer in Nick reminds me of when he was doing the same for Sam re: Gadreel, and that reminds me of Dean’s ‘teen mom’ joke from that episode and now I’m pissed off.

8.5. Nick is fascinating, but is he fascinating enough that I care about his little revenge sub-plot? Eh. Jury’s out. Plus I just can’t stand the actor anymore

9. Sam’s just kinda there to move the plot along. Give him some more character moments, episode!

10. Michael reminded me of Dean in the scene with the werewolf. I’m really not getting a capital P personality from Michael, though that may be due to a personal choice. Or maybe because Michael was never a distinct character to begin with, and this is far more noticeable when Ackles plays it and ‘Dean’ threatens to take over any minute.

Or going meta for a second—maybe Michael’s deliberately infusing some Dean into his persona. Possession isn’t simply putting a thing inside a box: both entities are influenced and informed by the other, but only one has all the power.

11. … ok, so my interest in this Nick subplot is rapidly decaying. Nick did it. He killed his family. It’s not a mystery.

11.5. The emotional dynamics of this scene… checks out, actually. Of course Nick is projecting all his rage on Castiel. And of course Castiel regrets destroying Jimmy Novak’s life the most. More than toeing the party line and being instrumental in almost bringing the Apocalypse about in s4; more than releasing the Leviathan; more than trusting Metatron in s8; more than killing his brethren, who’ve tortured him back and tried to kill him on more than one occasion. But Castiel has been both angel and human—both possessing and being possessed—long enough that he’s intimately aware of the devastation it leaves both within and without. And there are no excuses for the way he and other angels have done that damage—so carelessly, so casually. Even the most well-intentioned angels are deceptive and manipulative and give not a second thought about their hapless vessels. It’s a sign of Castiel’s growth and compassion that he recognises his responsibility in this and that he invokes Jimmy’s name with both reverence and regret. In all this shouting and crying that Show doesn’t acknowledge the deep-seated trauma of possession survivors, this is actually a great moment.

12. That werewolf leader looks familiar. Has the actor been on SPN before? He kinda reminds me of one of the leads on Suits.

12.5. That’s a lot of clunky dialogue, but Michael is basically confirming what I speculated in point 2. Cool.

13. How Jack managed to get away and find his grandparents is never explained, but that’s a familiar Buckleming trope—characters are put together in a scene without any regard to how it might connect to other scenes or how/why those characters might’ve gotten there.

13.2. That said, it’s kinda poignant that Jack, having lost his angelic powers, is now trying to understand the human side of his heritage. He’s trying his best to adapt to his situation; this one year old kid is more well-adjusted than most of the adults on this show.

13.5. Well, holy shit, Jack talking about Kelly to his grandparents is just… making me feel emotional in a way this show hasn’t made me feel in a long, long time. This Calvert kid is good.

13.6. It is bizarre that Kelly’s parents are mostly ok with not knowing Kelly’s whereabouts for over a year—I don’t think we ever found out what position exactly Kelly held in the President’s office, and I can picture them in a bit of denial by telling themselves the reason they haven’t heard from Kelly is because she is in the middle of super-secret government work. I don’t know! But it’s just about handwave-able though, and their scene with Jack is worth it.

14. Honestly, Castiel, how did he travel so far and for so long without you noticing? So much for “Don’t worry, Sam, I will babysit this defenceless creature.”

(Speaking of Sam, wheeeerrreee’s Saaaaammmm)

“I suppose there are worse ways to be human than to be kind.”

“Have you heard from Sam?”

I LOVE YOU, JACK.

14.5. No, actually, Dean wouldn’t want it any other way. He said as much when Gadreel took over Sam completely back in s9.

15. Shoo, Nick.

16. FINALLY MORE SAM. With only like 4 minutes of episode left. What, Show, did you think you spoiled us too much last episode with all that glorious, glorious Sam content?

16.25. And finally a bit of action! The rapid-fire editing is making my head hurt, though.

16.5. Soooooooooooooo Dean’s back? Obviously Michael is playing a long game here, but it says something about the show that they can’t keep Dean away for more than two episodes without getting the shakes. I honestly miss Sera Gamble and her desire to rattle the status quo: in s6, she kept the so-called ‘real’ Sam away for half the season, which gave us imo some of the best storytelling, characterisation and acting from both Padalecki and Ackles in the entire show. In s7 she took away all the Winchester markers: the Impala, weird motel rooms, Bobby’s house. Of course, after she left the show settled back into a familiar rut (substituting Bobby’s house with that thrice-damned Bunker). I wish the show would take risks with these two again. s9 and the beginning of s10 were so very promising but there was no follow-through.

I guess they want to MotW fillers for a few episodes and that would be weird without SamnDean SamnDeaning it in the Impala, but Show, why don’t you just say ‘fuck it’ and try weird on for size? What do you have to lose? I mean, seriously?

17. Nick’s the murderer—called it!

18. This wasn’t terrible, you guys. 95% of the episode was just people sitting around having conversations, the dialogue was clunky, ideas derivative, scenes progressed without any rational links between them, the pacing was wonky, and there was too much exposition. But the emotional beats were solid and the set up is reasonably intriguing. I’ve seen far, far worse BuckLeming episodes.

Pacing is a real issue in this season, though. And Michael is not remotely intimidating as a threat.

[moviegroovies]

just realized i never wrote that interview with the vampire post i promised y’all, so here we go

first of all! i love it. just want to get that out there. like, 10/10 stars, would watch again, have watched again, almost twice, kind of planned to watch for a sort of fourth time tonight, might not. idk. it’s great!! it’s great both as a movie (i watched the movie first like a blasphemer) and as an adaptation of the book. actually, it’s a GREAT movie adaptation of that book, probably one of the best jobs i’ve ever seen of adapting a book into a screenplay and then getting it on film. as i said, i read the book after i watched the movie, and pretty much everything was adapted directly, even significant amounts of dialogue, to the point that it felt sort of like a novelization, if novelizations were perfect.

this is what i WISH novelizations were, actually. like, using it as an example isn’t fair because it was written before the movie, but as the kind of loser who has read novelizations (i payed. like 40 dollars for a ghostbusters one. and then like 2 bucks for a Different ghostbusters one which i haven’t read yet but don’t have high hopes for), this was what i always want them to be like. same plot, lots of the same dialogue (i HATE novelizations that try to make it their own by changing the dialogue slightly. i was reading that ghostbusters one and i don’t even think i had watched ghostbusters recently but i know the lines well enough that it threw me the fuck off when the author changed them. like if someone came into your house and moved all your furniture slightly to the left? that was what it felt like), but a few things that didn’t happen in the movie, too. deeper characterization, the kind of worldbuilding/character building you can’t really do in a limited time frame on screen. getting into the charater’s thoughts. using nuance. novelizations could totally be this! or at least i wish they were! basically what i’m saying is stay tuned for my unlicensed nuclear accelerator novelization of ghostbusters going up on this blog coming soon. 

anyway, a thing i liked about it as an adaptation of the book was that it was always true to what anne wrote (and i think she did at least part of the script, although i heard the director did heavy edits on it), but there were some lines that weren’t in the book that improved the scenes imo! like the little exchange in the theater of vampires where louis is commenting on the vampires pretending to be humans pretending to be vampires, and claudia responds “how avant garde.” it serves both to clear up what’s going on (since we don’t have the benefit of louis’ narration at this point in the movie) and to humanize them a little. most of the added dialogue did that, and that’s something i really like--especially that line as louis watches new orleans burn and thinks that lestat deserves his revenge. Loved that. and him getting to see the sunrise again through film? oof!!!! honestly i liked the ending of the movie more than i did the book, which makes me feel blasphemous. it seems like louis is just doing... better in the movie. i don’t want to give too many spoilers or anything, but in the book he ends up completely detached, and never gets that gay power moment of telling armand he’s not going to give up his pain and then leaving him, so What’s The Point. on a more positive note, another thing i liked was the “you used to eat rats?” exchange. that was a much needed cute family moment.

oh! and they put some stuff from the vampire lestat into this movie, too, which, again, i liked, or at least, i like now that i know that’s what was happening. lestat being able to read minds and louis not being able to. lestat only wanting to drink the blood of evil doers. a lot of the added stuff helped make lestat more sympathetic, which was a definite necessity. actually, tom cruise acted the hell out of that role, which was surprising. not really that he could act (i’ve seen things i liked him in) but that he could be lestat, a flamboyant vampire prettyboy. wasn’t tom cruise the one who punched someone for implying he was gay? idk. 

actually, i was really surprised how gay this movie was for a movie starring tom cruise and brad fucking pitt. like, tell me before i watched it that those two were the stars and i would have been expecting (i was kind of expecting) the most no-homo rendition of the movie possible. and yeah, they toned it down a little from the book... but not that much. louis’ narration is a lot less overtly homo than lestat’s anyway, and brad pitt really fucking Nailed being louis. 

(which i find hilarious, because while tom cruise apparently got really into the vampire chronicles while they were filming this and had all these opinions in like movie promoting interviews about how lestat was actually a good dude, and loved louis (smthn along those lines i skimmed the shit about this), which really came through in his characterization of lestat, brad read like, one chapter of the book and lost interest. i loved the book, myself, but what a fucking icon.) 

that almost-kiss with armand at the end? also iconic. 

really, the only sexual stuff they actually tuned down was the louis/claudia shit, which i’m all fucking for. like, claudia is a grown woman, but it’s still so awk in the book whenever she’s coming onto louis, especially considering how often he reaffirms that she’s his daughter. even worse when he comments on her sensuality, or when she kisses him.... ick. plus, kirsten WASN’T a grown woman, so that would have been really nasty if they kept it.

oh and christian slater!!! i didn’t know he was in this until i started watching it, and i was very excited to see him. that’s my heathers love talking. i was talking to my dad after i saw it and apparently river phoenix was supposed to play daniel before he died, and my dad thought he would have been a lot better for the role i guess, but personally i think slater really picked up the part. he also didn’t shy away from being a little homoerotic, especially toward the end. he got the part right. plus, heathers. 

and i can’t gush about the actors without talking about kirsten dunst. she was 11 when she was in this (apparently her parents wouldn’t let her actually watch the movie when it came out, which, ha), but she absolutely conquered the part of the 60 year old woman in a child’s body. there were times when i actually forgot that she was just an eleven year old, because she was that good. the scene with the body in her bed isn’t in the book (not quite, although something else happens with claudia and leaving bodies around), and it’s one of the best in the movie imo. you can see lestat doting on her but not understanding her, you can tell why she would resent him, you can see her resentment and before she even snaps at him you can see that she’s an adult woman stuck inside a child (like that villain from batman the animated series--did anyone else think of that?), pissed off that she wants to be treated like the grown person she is but continues to be given dolls. also, there was some peak murder family moments in that scene, with louis standing there lowkey horrified. we never got the exchange with claudia telling louis that she’s going to kill lestat and him telling her Do Not Do This Thing, unfortunately, which was something i liked more from the book, but his concern and confusion in this scene kind of speak to that. you can especially tell that he still hasn’t realized that she’s grown--he’s seeing her the same way lestat is. aww.

so, i read the book and watched the movie in pretty quick succession, and i’m writing this a day after finishing the book and a few hours after my kind-of rewatch and about a week after the last time i saw it all the way through. my memory of both being pretty strong rn, there are only a very few things that i can think of which changed from book to movie outside of things necessary to take it to the screen and keep the movie from being like twelve hours. claudia is necessarily aged up from 5 to 11--it’s just practical, a 5 year old would not nearly have had the range that kirsten did for this. armand is changed from looking like a 17 year old redhead to antonio banderas (is it bad that i’m so uncultured that before this i only knew him as the dad from spy kids?), age 34, in a Really Bad black wig. (in general i’m all for banderas in the role, and he definitely acted it well, but what the FUCK was that costuming. why does his hair look like that. i digress but they did him dirty, especially considering how much Better everyone else looks as a vampire.) the subplot with lestat’s blind father living with him and louis at first is cut, which is kind of a shame imo. i really liked how on edge lestat was when begging louis to kill him (not as bad in context), how it kind of breaks the mask lestat tries to wear and shows that he’s confused and vulnerable and he really just doesn’t know much about being a vampire--that “and why should i know!” outbreak they put in did a good job of being the movie’s counterpart to that scene, however. the ending is changed a bit, altho i’ll leave the spoilers of how exactly up to your imagination. some things should stay sacred, right?

one thing i’m REALLY glad they added was louis freeing the slaves on his plantation.  i think it was a nasty choice on behalf of anne rice to write her sympathetic, thoughtful protagonist as a slave owner in the first place, especially one who by his own admission didn’t see slaves as people for a long time, and it’s unfortunate to me that it had to be adapted in that way (although i don’t think ignoring that aspect entirely would have been a better movie solution), but the slaves were at least made free men before louis moved to new orleans. in the book, louis still burns the house, but he doesn’t free the people enslaved there, and he never reflects on that. fucked up if true, i guess. i blame mostly anne for that whole thing.

ooo, that scene with lestat killing the two prostitutes was good. it’s pretty much adapted word for word from the book, but the book doesn’t have the visual of tom cruise leaping over the coffin to sit on it while she’s in it, and that was one of the sexiest scenes i can remember. so.

just remembered at the last moment that i liked the “i’m going to give you the choice i never had” thing, both because it gives a little hint of lestat background (and makes him more sympathetic/adds to the whole breaking the mask thing that i like) and because they did a Very fucking good callback with it at the end.

there’s probably more about that movie that i have Opinions on, but when i remember them i’ll just have to make another post, ig. i will say tho? that last scene they added is so FUCKING good. cue up sympathy for the devil on my way out, will you?

[snarktheater]

Shadowhunters — Episode 2x10

It's time for our midseason finale! And the Institute is now on high alert…for some reason.

"Valentine's work?" "Only one way to find out."

…Almost. It's not Valentine, but I'd argue it's worse.

Gotta give props to the actress, who's had so few lines and still manages to look so freaking badass.

Warning for the rest of the episode: I tried to untangle the rapid PoV switches here, but it's a lot harder than usual considering they're in such quick succession. Because it's our semi-climax, I guess. Ugh.

Remember how Alec and Madzie bonded in her first episode? Yeah, we're ignoring that; she just whacks him to the side with one hand swoosh, and starts draining all the air out of the room through her gills…because she can do that, I guess. At least Alec's locked in what I guess is an airtight room, so he's not affected. Small mercy?

Meanwhile, with the protagonists, Clary angsts that Simon was taken because of her. Luke also found that all the prisoners are dead or gone, and Cleophas is missing. Oh, and Valentine Facetimes her with Simon's phone and does the obvious: put an ultimatum on her to come activate the Soul Sword within an hour, or Simon dies.

And…look, I realize you set up in the previous scene that a lot of Shadowhunters were out dealing with Valentine's Downworlder experiments in the city, but did he really take control of the Institute so easily? More importantly: won't these Shadowhunters on a mission eventually come back? That plan sounds more full of holes than your book counterpart's ship at the end of book two. Speaking of which: yeah, this is the equivalent of the end of book two, so you can already expect a few things about what's going to happen. I'm betting on Simon becoming a Daylighter, for starters.

Clary wants to go, arguing that Valentine still needs a lightning bolt to activate the Sword and so it's safe enough to try, but Luke tells her that the Institute is powered by an "angelic power core", which could be a suitable energy source instead of the lightning. So Luke and Jace insist on taking Clary to Magnus for her safety, but she doesn't want to, because Valentine would just kill Simon if Jace shows up without Clary.

Luckily, they find Dot! I guess Luke's search for prisoners wasn't all that thorough. She knows a way to destroy the Soul-Sword, and so…they take her to Magnus to heal the experiments Valentine did to her, and then they ask her what she knows. Admittedly, this is very nice of them and all, but…priorities, guys.

Also…how do I put it…it's bad news.

"I heard Valentine briefing his men…if Jace touches the sword, his grip would destroy it."

Does that mean there's a chance we're finally dropping the "Jace has demon blood" nonsense by the end of this episode? Here's hoping!

Magnus offers some help by sharing Clary and Jace's vision of a demon who destroyed the Soul-Sword. He notices that vision includes "a star in the sky".

"Angels are higher beings. They communicate through metaphors."

Yes, the star in the sky is Morgenstern. Too bad that's not Jace, ha ha, suckers. Should I just skip this episode entirely? The twist is so obvious to anyone who's read the books. I wonder if it's obvious to people who haven't, though. The show has done a much better job at pretending like Clary and Jace were out of the picture as a romantic couple than the books did, probably by virtue of not being written as the author's self-insert meeting her one true love. But that's pretty hard for me to judge, honestly, since I just know.

So…does that mean Sebastian will show up in this episode to destroy the Sword? I guess we'll see. In the meantime, Jace decides to go in and recover the Sword for the Clave, and if he can't, destroy it. And…where does Simon's life fit in with that plan? Fuck if I know!

Jace finally reaches Alec (who got out of the room he was locked in…somehow), and they update each other on the situation. Everyone at the Institute is dead by suffocation, says Alec…but as soon as he gets ambushed by Circle members, Aldertree shows up to save him, so I guess it's not everyone. How did Aldertree survive? Again, fuck if I know!

Alec also tries to reach Isabelle, who's still stuck in her subplot with Raphael, complaining that Alec just doesn't understand her. Raphael assures her he only cares about her happiness and wellbeing.

"Sounds like Shadowhunter blood talking."

But no, Raphael insists it's true…even as he tries to bite her again.

"Kiss me." "It's not like that. I'm—not like that. I'm just not interested in sex." "Being a vampire made you this way?"

Okay, so…now we get asexuality 101. And…I guess I'm glad that the show is finally going there, but it's too little too late, at this point. Again, all their scenes (including this one) are framed in a romantic and sexual fashion. Also, I'm pretty sure Raphael is aromantic on top of asexual? So it's still lackluster

More importantly, Raphael is full of shit. He's the one who notices Alec's messages about the attack on the Institute, because Isabelle is too busy pouting, and instead of telling her, he hides her phone and claims to leave to a meeting of vampire leaders. Which, admittedly, is only a partial lie, but still a lie. Between him and Aldertree, Isabelle got a really bad time with love interests this season.

Luckily, him hiding her phone goes…absolutely nowhere, since in her next scene, she hears another text incoming and sees all the missed messages from Alec. Just in time to go save him.

Speaking of which, back to Alec and Aldertree. I'm going to them first because…well, their subplot goes literally nowhere. They make their way to the Institute's rooftop, because they'll be able to get to the power core from there. Along the way, Alec randomly accuses Aldertree of not caring about Downworlders. Twice. Even though Aldertree hasn't really shown any indication of that. I guess any Clave member who opposes the protagonist in any way (i.e. all of them) should be assumed to also hate Downworlders?

"I'm not the Big Bad Wolf you think I am." "No, you're worse. You got my sister hooked on yin fen."

That…isn't relevant.

Also, Alec's allegations turn out to be half-true: Aldertree once fell in love with a werewolf named Eva. Her pack was killed by a demon, and Eva, mad with grief, attacked Aldertree, forcing him to kill her in self-defense.

"I had no choice. Eva couldn't control herself. It was her nature. Her wolf nature. That's when I realized a Shadowhunter could never be with a Downworlder. No matter how strong our feelings might be."

Yep, the good old nonsense, which is blatantly invoked here to give Alec some angst, even though this (already shaky) reasoning doesn't even work for warlocks (and arguably faeries/Seelies). But hey, Alec needs more angst or something. Jace has taken up all the quota since he got back with the good guys.

As I hinted earlier, this whole plan goes nowhere: even Aldertree's codes as head of the Institute don't allow them to make it through, and they get backed in a corner by Circle members just in time for Isabelle to save them then faint from withdrawal. And that's the last we see of any of them until the resolution. Didn't that sound useful?

Back with the protagonists, then. Clary and Magnus angst about their respective boyfriends being in danger at the Institute.

"I'm not used to feeling so…powerless."

Clary also gets another call from Valentine, who's lost his patience or something and decided to cut Simon's throat right away, which will make him bleed out in a short amount of time. So Clary uses Magnus's feeling of powerlessness to coax him into Portaling her to the Institute. But don't worry, she totally promises she won't touch the Sword, so it's all right!

This is also where everyone converges. Raphael with vampire cronies to kill Clary (whom he found…how? She literally just came out of her Portal at this point), but also Luke and Jace, who picked up Maia along the way because she wanted to kill Luke for locking her up and "choosing Clary over the pack". We just needed all the named characters around for some reason, okay? Even if that means turning Maia in a total ball and chain and making her try to kill a third main character. Third time's the charm, I guess?

But Jace convinces everyone to go along with his plan to let him destroy the Sword, even though we all know that he can't do that. That…really ruins this entire episode, honestly, knowing what the twist at the end will be.

Anyway, Valentine's forced to send Madzie away, because he can't manipulate her as far as to make her okay with watching a random vampire bleed to death. And right after that, "Clary" (who's obviously Jace under a glamour) surrenders herself and demands to be taken to Simon first. Valentine does, surprisingly enough, even letting Simon drink Jace's blood and heal himself. Called it.

This does leave Jace too weak to maintain his glamour, though, but Simon manages to tackle Valentine, because…um…he was restrained earlier and I don't remember them removing those restraints? Maybe the angel blood made him stronger too, who knows. That gives Jace a chance to fight the other guards, and he and Simon escape together to find the Sword.

Meanwhile, Luke's gathered a veritable army of Downworlders, with Alaric bringing the pack, and Meliorn bringing Seelie troops, all with the intent to fight Valentine and make sure he can't use the Sword. I feel kind of cheated that they didn't even bother to show Luke convincing either of them, but judging by how easily Raphael was swayed, I guess they would have gone the easy way as well anyway. Maia does express that she's still pissed at Luke, but…who cares? The show's done zero effort to make her sympathetic anyway.

This army will have to wait for the signal that Simon's safe before moving in, though, so they just spend a few scenes standing awkwardly outside the Institute. It would be funny if they weren't so obviously going to die.

And while all that is happening, Clary and Magnus are also infiltrating the Institute and looking for Simon. Did they…not coordinate efforts with Jace? Because that sounds like a bad plan if I ever saw one.

They get sidetracked when they find Madzie instead, all on her own for some reason. Clary tells Magnus to go take care of her so she doesn't use her powers against anyway, while Clary goes off alone. Guess what happens immediately afterwards? Yup, Clary gets captured!

On the plus side, Magnus does connect with Madzie by showing her his warlock mark. He convinces her that Valentine was using her and lying to her, and he takes her out of the Institute.

But back to the main event. Simon and Jace reach the Sword, already plugged into the power core, just on time for some awkward bonding over Simon nearly draining Jace from his blood.

"I would have killed you." "I would have let you."

This is…somehow less interesting a line without the clumsy "no homo". Not that it was funny in the books, but this just sounds like more of Jace's self-sacrificing nonsense. I think it's supposed to imply he was briefly high on vampire venom, and that's why he would have let Simon, but this is a clumsy way to phrase that.

Anyway, Clary's brought in…by Valentine, one-handed.

Um…Clary, you took out two Circle members five seconds ago, can't you struggle free from this? He's only holding on to your wrist, come on. But no, apparently Valentine is just that strong. He nearly makes her touch the Sword, but Simon rushes in with vampire speed and stops her. Along with Jace, they overpower Valentine and the Clave members, and Jace reaches for the Sword, in spite of Clary pointing out they don't need to and Jace is supposed to die along with the Sword according to their vision.

He grabs it anyway, and surprise, it activates the Sword instead.

"You're nothing if not predictable, son."

I would have said "you suck", but that works too, Valentine. Who's back, of course. And takes the Sword, of course. And uses it against the Downworlder army who just happened to come in the room. Don't worry, no named characters are harmed. Just Alaric, but he doesn't matter, right? Oh, and Simon's alive too, but we can already guess why, since he fed on Jace's blood.

Also, Valentine's gone.

"How did I activate the Sword?" "Only someone with pure angel blood could have done it. You don't have demon blood, Jace."

Are you going to get to the next logical step that Jace isn't Clary's brother? Nope! Admittedly they may have other things on their mind, but still.

Alec barges in, fresh from being completely useless, and immediately accuses Clary and freaks out since no one knows where Magnus is. Thanks, that was very useful.

Outside, Maia and Luke (who didn't go in because they conveniently got attacked by Circle members on the way) thinks Jace conned them and is furious. She wants to go after Valentine, but Luke tells her to go take care of the rest of the pack instead, and that he will take care of Valentine himself.

And indeed, he finds Valentine. He gets stabbed immediately, but at least he stopped Valentine from using the sword again long enough for Jace to catch up.

"You told me I had demon blood, why?" "Because that's how you are. Always ready to right the wrongs, to stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves. A real-life hero."

Yeah, I have some trouble believing how heroic Jace is, but let's not rehash old nonsense. It was all part of his plan, basically, including making sure Dot overheard something about Jace destroying the Sword. This I can believe—it actually fits Valentine's supposed characterization of a master manipulator a lot better than any of his plans in the books.

Valentine also tells Jace that he isn't his biological son. And since he's holding the Soul-Sword, that must be the truth. Well, good. I'm glad the information is out there at last.

They decide to fight barehanded, even though both of them had swords, which is awfully convenient, because it gives Clary a chance to catch up and pick up the Soul-word. A new rune appears to her, she uses it, and the Sword briefly glows before growing hot, forcing Clary to drop it. Um…okay?

In the meantime, Jace won his fight, but Clary stops him from killing Valentine, because they need him to tell them where the Mortal Cup is. Because I'm sure Valentine is going to tell them that willingly. On the other hand, the Sword vanished while they were looking away. Good job, guys! I sure hope the Deus Ex Machina rune did something useful, because you certainly aren't.

But at least they turn Valentine in to Aldertree.

And that's the end of our climax. We still have the aftermath to deal with though. First is Alec finally bumping into Magnus, who had Portaled Madzie to Catarina Loss. Alec makes a speech about how terrified he was, and Magnus says he was too.

"Magnus…I love you." "I love you too."

D'aww. No, really. This isn't ironic. It's a genuinely touching moment. It only took a whole season for them to get one that worked for me.

As for Isabelle, Raphael finds her. He survived by speeding out of the Sword's blast in time, but Isabelle rejects him for hiding her phone…I think. They don't exactly make it explicit, but she doesn't want to talk to him anymore.

Meanwhile, Simon was helping…I think…and he didn't realize the sun had come up by now. But when he stands in direct sunlight, he's fine. Again, called it. Next.

Well we have Jace talking to Alec about finding out that he's not Valentine's biological son.

"So…Clary's not your sister?" "No, and she never was." "What are you gonna do?" "I'm gonna tell her."

Honesty? In this show? Madness!

No, really. I'm not kidding. See, Simon makes it to her first (by Luke's side, who's recovering from his stab wound just fine, in case you were wondering), and he takes her outside the Institute to show her he can stand in the sunlight. So when Jace shows up, they're busy kissing and he starts moping, and so…he doesn't tell her. So much for honesty.

And because we need some kind of cliffhanger, we see that someone did in fact take the Sword. It's a ~mysterious~ hooded figure in black. Gee, I wonder who that could be. (It's Sebastian, let's not kid ourselves)

To be honest, this is…a fairly good conclusion to this story arc. No, really. It brings everything together, the change to the Sword's function from "summon demons for some reason" to "destroy demon-blooded creatures" not only makes a lot more sense but also explains why Valentine would want it (remember, the Cup only controls demons, so it's also a good tool for him to use in his crusade). The plot twist regarding Jace is obvious…because I read the books. As I pointed out last time, it's not so clear-cut in the show that he's obviously not Clary's brother, so I think it works well enough.

As far as complaints go, all I do have to say is that the Lightwoods were basically wasted in this episode. And Maia, but she's not even a real character at this point, so I'm more annoyed about the Lightwoods. On the plus side, regarding Maia specifically, she might actually get to lead Luke's pack (or at least have a leadership position) starting now, since that's more or less what Luke told her to do, which might give more room to character development in the future.

Of course, there's also the love triangle nonsense. Because now we're in full-on love triangle nonsense. As you might have seen if you follow my Twitter, the show literally put up a trailer for the next episode with a "WHO WILL SHE CHOOSE?" line in it.

When will "who will she choose?" stop being regarded as a valid source of tension? https://t.co/zGrASpifp1

— The Snark Theater (@snarktheater) June 5, 2017

Speaking of which, I've done it! Narrowly, but I have! I've reviewed every Shadowhunters episode from the first half of the season, before the second half started airing!

…Which means I'm not even free of this show for more than a few hours. Oh well. Small victories.

[hatefilledpoptarts]

for the salty asks: 7,10, 15, 26?

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

tough to say since my opinion is pretty flippant and I change how I feel about everything constantly (example: flipped between loving sailor moon to thinking the show sucked to liking it again) but I guess if I had to bring up something I enjoyed but absolutely hated after a certain point it’d be Hal Blu for its shitty use in a twist that did not even bother filling in for that ending whatsoever, it had no f@%*ing right to be there at all except to make a ‘clean’ ending I guess instead of you know, handling and acknowledging its core story and themes but nope it was a bs fix-it twist and it showed me what I absolutely despise in a twist, no f*@#ing clue its gonna happen just have twist out of nowhere with no character or story buildup for it to happen!!!#@! bullshit i say just bullshit (ﾉಥ益ಥ)ﾉ

I also once upon a time actually watched family guy and thought it was pretty ok but then I started realizing how much of sleazy dirtbag character brian actually is and just how much I could not stand watching these ugly people anymore, now I just can’t stand it and will use every fibre in my body to shut that crap off or get the hell out of the room

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

mmm for context-wise lets go with arc v, I know s3 wasn’t a walk in the park but if I had to go with an arc I found I just didn’t like, in-spite of interesting things going on, I’d say it was the time between the 2nd half of s2 when Academia comes in and after they took off. I don’t care for that arc in the least and think was a pretty boring and disappointing arc overall just because it was the first instance when what the series had going for it was being put to waste. 

Even the fandom at its most hopeful wasn’t helping when it threw its exhilaration and dissatisfaction at the wrong places imo since the whole merging thing felt ill timely and throwing shades at yuzu was overboard since logically speaking that was what was going to happen, the writers weren’t going to own up to that subplot anyway, least of all at that time, since they didn’t even bother to explore it prior to it happening. It felt like a reminder more than being pivotal plot shit happening to move the series along.

Yuri was equal parts at his weakest during this time since he lost the intimation factor he had in s1 and was much more fun to watch in s3.  He did nothing honestly except remind us that hey he’s apart of this whole counterpart mystery thing going on too oooh *rolls eyes at the yuri fans*

just boring overall imo along with frustration at the clear sign of lack of planning on the staffs part. leaving the night escapades of that arc and heading back into the tournament felt disjointed and ran a bit of whiplash for just needing to happen but not leaving a mark on the series as a whole I guess is what i mean ;;;

15. Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?

I was born with an unpopular opinion in fandom lmao but lets go with love interest female characters, I’m going to go with my thoughts on Orihime’s role in Bleach which was her development both hinged but was not defined by her interest in Ichigo.

ok I have actually haven’t dealt with the fandom in any way but I feel like orihime might be considered a poster child for how to degrade your female into love interest role exclusively but i don’t feel that way, the only thing that degraded her was kubo not following through on the development he set her up for, orihime could have grown as a character from all lot of her negative attributes about being jealous, feeling like she couldn’t contribute and falling behind. she could have taken initiative for her actions and could have pulled through on the merit of her choices but kubo going back to status quo just sucks and brings down an actually steady romantic development. she doens’t have the catharsis to make it go from alright/boring to ‘i may not ship them but they earned it for its exploration.’ He made her role pointless and he made her feelings unimportant and thats a shame because it would have felt less like her role was set from the start to just end up with Ichigo.

She was an enjoyable character with little personalities quirks that made her charming even to a ichiruki shipper like myself so i’ve never found her to be a bother and her docile nature was perfectly in line with who she was, sometimes I enjoy docile character but thats based on certain criteria she luckily didn’t tread on. 

Orihime going from a decent 5-7 in exploring her feelings for him to falling short by going back to the starting point wasn’t the fault of being a shonen love interest, her ‘kuns’ or eventual marriage aren’t the issue, its kubo giving up on her that is.

And I think its important to have some kind of development for it whether it be big, small, nuanced or full heartedly simple. The only thing wrong with a female character in love with the mc is not giving it enough substance, I’m both fine and can enjoy that type of archetype so I’m not one of the more vocal fans who say love interest heroines just suck outright or are pointless. Its fine and if done right can actually be enjoyable.

26. Most shippable character?

since theres no specifications I’ll go into a list of character I find myself shipping most outside of my main ship:

Midoriya Izuku gets way more ships than he has any right to have but I just end up putting him with whoever it seems, I have about 2 otps with him, which is never a thing with me i’m a 1 otp kinda girl, but there are plenty of rare pairs I find that appeal to me with him involved

Yuzu Hiragi is the most shippable imo and I’m constantly finding plenty of matches I like, probably put her with anyone and it just works thanks to who she was is

England from hetalia bizarrely ended being my most shippable character and I don’t know how that happened

Maka Albarn hands down went ahead and just owned everyone ok, best mc and best relationships with whoever fight me on this (งಠ_ಠ)ง girl can have whoever she wants k bye