#i had a plan to stay off social media post inktober & i just have to laugh lol

[thehoneyedhufflepuff]

so @anika-222 wrote me this BTL deniall fic last week (just the ticket to soothe my soul at the end of inktober tbh) & I whipped this sketch of niall up last night to go with. I still plan on drawing him in that blue suit but I just. idk this just happened

[glass-expanse]

This constructed prison claws at me; it's cold and horrifying. It is a sword on the mantle I've grabbed at too often. The twisting metal is needed now to a sick degree. A day apart, fingering other knives. And yet my favorite is the sword. It is the sharpest, the thickest bars, the strongest straps that buckle tightly. I've returned to it again, a glutton for pain. My face is contorted in a way that none shall see. The pain is the death wound. Let it be, let it be, lock it in the cellar. Let the bonds be bonded to the earth. Hide in the stormclouds, don't touch the ground. Falling, falling through vapor. Being held by simple string is not enough to grace the sky. Blood red, blood red, trapped again and falling. Divested of the poison yet I cannot lock it far enough away. I hurt myself, try to save myself, slip and fall and bruise myself. Can't step up again, my legs are mangled. Let me not sleep in black beds. Weed it out, weed it out, this soil is better than this. Just another species of weed. A plant that I don't need. It's been there so long, gone to seed, grown again, and again, and again... Aconite. White marks on my heart that tell the tale of my self harm--not physical, but mental, spiritual, emotional. Been bound to a tablet inscribed with laws of darkness. Stuck there, stuck there, can't get free. Sick of sleep, sick of waking, sick of time and sick of waging this war on my own. Uproot. Replant. A climate small and dense, block out all the weeds. A root system that's cared for from above.

I logged out of Tumblr for one day. It hurt to do it. I know it needs to be done. I plan to do the same with Instagram and Facebook as soon as Inktober is over. Yes, I'm back this evening. I was watching meaningless video on my Facebook feed and all the sudden I just felt seized by this horrible mental pain. I felt so trapped. I couldn't tear myself away. My face was frozen in a hurting expression. I was so tired of being stuck with these horrible sucking things. I'm sick of being complacent with distracting myself with social media. Sick of it. I scrolled through my Tumblr feed for only a couple moments before heading straight to write this. That's why I logged back in. To write this. It's dark. I can't turn the lights back on, too late for that. Yeah it's hard staying away from Tumblr. It's so, so hard to remove a distraction. I'll be logging out again when I'm done with writing this post. Here's the thing. I'm still trying to fix this on my own. So I logged out of Tumblr and Pinterest. I will not log back into Pinterest. I have literally no reason to and will not allow myself to. But Tumblr has become a sort of idle diary. I felt like I had to get all this out. I don't know. Maybe if makes me feel better knowing that other Christians could see the pain I'm going through with trying to dig out this massive bunch of barbed arrows from my flesh, knowing that they might think to pray for me as I struggle. The content of my Tumblr is never consistent. That's okay. I just need to know that when it counts some people can pray for me. This need to change and put my old habits to death is slowly eating at me. But I can't do it myself. I'm an awfully poor executioner. I'm weak and my weapon is blunt. I'm causing much difficulty for myself by trying to decapitate these sins myself. The captive isn't even a captive. It's more like a room mate and I'm trying to kill it with a blunt axe while it eats breakfast. It doesn't work like that, fam. I need God to come and arrest these sins and kill them. I need Him to purify my heart with a burning surety. I need to cling to Him. Yet I've scarcely read the Bible today. I passed maybe give verses with half a thought. Most of them had to do with walking in the light rather than the darkness, rejecting the world, and clinging to God as a new creation. Lord, I want that! Please drag me off this dark path! I'm stuck with swampy tendrils at midnight trying to get myself to a candle in a window a thousand miles away with both legs broken! I need You to come out here and draw me closer. I can't get anywhere towards You without You. I'm going to log off soon and try to go to sleep. I'll be fighting depression again of course. I always do. Sometimes I just recline within it like a throne. But it doesn't make anything feel better. It just makes me more numb. That's what most of what I do is for. To make me mentally numb. I can't stop running away from this stuff, but every confrontation is exhausting. I know the Lord is my refuge. I want more of Him. I want my life to be for Him and commanded by Him. I want to be freed from these cold, dark shackles. And I know He can make that happen. Pray for me, my siblings in Christ.

[quinducreations]

Happy November, everyone!

I can’t believe October, along with my art series, 30 Days of Fall, has finally come to a close! Creating a new piece of art each day has been very challenging, but I am so glad I was able to pull through in the end. It definitely takes a lot out of you creatively. When I came up with the idea, I had no idea the kind of commitment it would be. (I also had no idea “Inktober” was a thing either or I might have done that..haha..) Between creating the actual art to taking decent photos, creating listings on my website, and even just sharing each post on my social media, I had almost no free time in the day to do other business related things most of the time. (Not to mention that I was constantly blowing up everyone’s news feed-sorry about that.) There were many days where the last thing that I wanted to do was draw or paint, but knowing that I had already made a commitment to this gave me the motivation I needed and kept me creating.

All the artwork featured below:

Days 1-4

Days 5-11

Days 12-19

Days 20-22

Days 23-26 (bear counted as two days)

Days 27-30

If you have followed the series over my posts on Facebook and Instagram, you probably noticed the variety in different artworks and styles. I envisioned creating a lot of different types of fall-related paintings, but found that these took an incredible amount of time and materials. I would’ve had no canvases left once the series ended! Doing a detailed, quality painting every day I feel would have really burnt me out fast over the 30-day time span. In the beginning, I started with more surreal and abstract paintings then went on to landscapes/scenic paintings followed by illustrations and more abstract work. Towards the end, the look and feel of my pieces were beginning to encapsulate the essance of the artwork that I love and hope to keep creating. I love revolving my work around nature and emotion. All in all though, working on this series was the exact push I needed to kickstart my art journey and new lifestyle. I can see myself improving with each and every day.

Day 31 (Still in progress)

Halloween: LAST DAY

After making it through the hectic time of October, I am starting this month feeling fulfilled and very motivated! I have a lot of things planned for this November and am very excited! If you got my newsletter that went out today as well, you will have heard all about that so I wont bore you with announcement repetition. Not subscribed to the newsletter? Subscribe here.

Drill is coming up this weekend and I am actually somewhat excited for that mostly because it will be easier for me to focus being that I won’t feel the pressure to create art. I find that I create my best work when I can simply be me and create what I hope to see exist in the world. I struggled with coming up with ideas over my series also because everything was supposed to be “fall themed.” Towards the end especially I just started creating more woodsy, forest-inspired art and I felt the most happy doing those sorts of works. Perhaps that is my own personal style starting to poke through? I’m still working on discovering it all.

Before I end this blog-sorry if I completely bored you all to death-I just wanted to share real quick that I’m having a fall clearance sale in my shop starting today! Use coupon code fall30 to get 30% off any and all of the artwork I completed for 30 Days of Fall!! It gets better! I’ll also be offering free shipping for orders over $49! Sale ends November 15th. There is only one of each piece and once it goes, it’s gone, my friends! Happy shopping, loves!

Also!

Now that Halloween is over, I think it’s perfectly socially acceptable to announce that…I’m going to start decorating for Christmas this week! I’ll post all about that (PLUS PHOTOS) in my next blog, so stay tuned! Get into the holiday spirit with me and subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss it! I love you all so so soooooo much!

30 Days of Fall Closing…Thoughts and Excitement Happy November, everyone! I can't believe October, along with my art series, 30 Days of Fall, has finally come to a close!