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mcrcelo · 6 years

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○○○ — A Mother’s Betrayal + Truancy Letter — ○○○

As Marcelo rouse from a heavy slumber, he was first aware of the coolness of the room and its distinctive smell of iodoform. His back was stiff as if he’d slept on a bed of earth and rocks. He gazed down at his mother who remained soundless as her head occupied his lap. She refused to leave the hospital since his Aunt Ava was brought in therefor Marcelo found himself drifting off next to her in the uncomfortable family lounging room chairs since returning from Lake Tahoe. He lifted the hoodie he would drape over her every night to keep Parisa warm and moved the curly black tresses that fell over her face. “Come on mami, we gotta get you cleaned up and something to eat.” He cooed as he gently tapped the side of her face. Upon hearing her son’s raspy voice, Parisa burrowed herself into the warm, soft fabric of his joggers that was coated with her tears; a signal to let her be in which he disregarded as he continued to nudge her awake. A restless yawn released from his mother’s lips as she straightened up in her chair. Giving her a moment to shed the sleep from her brain and allow the visions of the night to provide a way to the day, Marcelo stood and grabbed his mother by the hand, leading her to a private bathroom.

"Celly, this isn't your job. You should be enjoying your teenage years like a normal person your age. I don’t want you coddling me, lord knows you and your siblings have been doing that yall whole lives. Go home and get some decent sleep, I’ll be okay. " Parisa weakly spoke which Marcelo only ignored as he collected a few paper towels from the dispenser before turning on the sink. He appreciated his mother’s concern, but Marcelo had seen and done things not the average teenager could comprehend. Held dark secrets that would drive the average teenage insane, thus, he'd given up on the thought of normality. As someone with a Manichean view, he thought that you were either born in a world of good or bad. In Marcelo’s case, the cards weren't stacked in his favor, and while his mother dreamed of a better future for him, he'd accepted his anomalous lifestyle. "Shh mami, I’m where I want to be. I’m a son returning the care of his mother when he was at his lowest." He voiced as he wiped away the dried mascara staining her cheeks. Once Parisa was somewhat presentable, they emerged from the bathroom and made their way to the cafeteria. While she found them a place to sit, Marcelo searched for something to fill their stomachs. He settled on a breakfast sandwich and coffee for the both of them before paying for their food and returning to their table in the dining area. As he sat down across from Parisa, placing her meal down in front of her, Marcelo observed her features, and it made him bite his bottom lip stressfully. The depths of his mother’s grief was starting to tarnish her whether youthful looks. Restive dark bags hung under her eyes and wrinkles seemed to appear on a forehead overnight. He intertwined his fingers with her’s, catching a dazed Parisa attention. “Titi going to be okay.” He tried to reassure though he wasn’t positive himself. She might wake up, but nobody knew what her mental state would be like.

Parisa lowered her orbs to the wooden surface. “I know, it’s just why didn’t she feel like she could come to me before--.” Her lip quivered as the whimpers she fought to swallow released from her lips. “This is just a lot for me right now, I feel like I’m failing everyone I love. It’s bringing me back to when I almost lost you. How did it take my son ending up on a ventilator for me to realize he had a problem? Now you’ll never be the same because I didn’t get you help in time.” Once he had been the boy that held her hand on the way to swings, squealing with delight and demanding to be pushed higher. He had been generous with his smiles and free with his hugs. By the age of eleven, the remoteness had begun, and she chalked it up to hormones. That was her first mistake. Soon after that, his grades collapsed, and anger seemed to be the only emotion anyone could get out of him. Preteen years rolled around, and officers would drag him to a detention center with charges like thief, assault, arson, and her heart had felt like it was beating in a tight cage every time. Then the hospital called to inform her that he had overdosed, the day after his eighteenth birthday, Marcelo was vegetated with a machine breathing for him. Parisa beated herself up for not noticing all the signs of her son’s deteriorating mental health until it was almost too late and she still felt like he was withholding demons from her. "I made my own choices ma, and you can't blame yourself for that. You did the best you could under the circumstances we were living in. You had your own hell you were going through with Eliseo.” Marcelo uttered, giving his mother’s hand a soft squeeze.

Parisa composure stiffened when her ex-husband’s name was brought up. “Speaking of Eliseo, I uh, I need to tell you something. Your father and I have been talking and-” Her voice trailed slowly like her words were unwilling to take flight as she glanced up at Marcelo. A burning rage hissed through his body like deathly poison, releasing in the form of unwanted glower in her direction. “You called my father?” She could hear the hurt of betrayal in his voice generating a sigh from her lips. “I’m sorry Celly, but I got a letter from your school, and then you disappeared without telling anyone where you were going, I had to-”

“You called my father?” He repeated as his hand shrink back from her’s

"Listen to me baby boy! I was scared you relapsed or got into some type of trouble, I had to call the school and find out you were on some camping trip. You can’t do things like that and expect me not to freak out, I didn’t have much of a choice. Now, me and your father have been talking, and Eliseo thinks you should finish your senior year online with him in Santo Domingo. You can stay in his guest house and he can get you into Universidad Autónoma de Santo Domingo once you get your diploma. I also had a conversation with Mr. Mobission, and it's obvious Beverly Hills High isn't equipped to deal with your situation. They let you get on a bus to the middle of nowhere when they have your medical records stating that you suffer from Intermittent Explosive Disorder and epilepsy. What if you had a seizure? What if someone had pushed you to the point of no return? They put you and the rest of your peers in danger. You’re eighteen going on nineteen so I can’t force you to go to school, but they’re talking about holding you back if you don’t get your attendance up. I just want to have options, Celo. Plus, it gives you a chance to fix your relationship with your father. He’s been getting help like you are and-- ” Marcelo didn’t let her finish that sentence. His chair screeched across the floors, standing to his feet. “Eliseo doesn’t give options, he makes demands. If he wants me to move to Santo Domingo, I don’t have much of a choice, and you know that! Here I was thinking you had my back, but you really ‘bout to send me to live with a nigga who damn near beat you to death right in front of his kids?.” It was like a volcano erupted; fury sweeping off him like ferocious waves. His wrath started to swallow him whole and engulf his moralities. “The same nigga who has broken bones of both of your sons while they were trying to protect you! You know what, I shouldn’t be surprised because you always go crawling back to him whenever shit gets tough for you no matter how many times he beats your ass. All it takes is an apology and some half ass lie about him being a changed man. What about Marco?!” Marcelo breath got caught in his lungs, realizing the name that carelessly slithered from his lips. His blinded rage almost exposed the four-year secret he was keeping from his family, but being under father’s watchful eye would make it even harder to see his son than it already was and that had Marcelo panicking. “Look, I-I need some air.” He stumbled back, trotting towards the exit of the cafeteria as Parisa called out to him.

#. ⬩ * мarcelo . / developмenт.#. ⬩ * мarcelo . / para.#this is long

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thegreenhorseman · 5 years

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We hear it every year, year after year…”This is going to be the worst year for ticks yet.” It seems to get worse every year. If this is unfamiliar to you, you might be fortunate enough to live in an area where the concern is not so prevalent. In the northeastern United States, however, you’d be hard pressed to find a group that hasn’t expressed concern.

Why ticks?

These tiny vile creatures spread several diseases, most commonly Lyme Disease. Since May is Lyme Disease Prevention Month let’s work to understand HOW Lyme is transmitted. We’ll also explore some steps we can take to keep ourselves and our animals (horses, dogs, cats) safe.

In 2017 nearly 30,000 cases of Lyme disease were diagnosed and another 13,000 were suspected as “probable.” Most of these cases originated in the northeastern United States as seen in the map below thanks to CDC.gov. The chart following shows the upward trend of Lyme disease throughout the years.

Cases confirmed in the United States 2017. Courtesy of CDC.gov

Cases of Lyme Disease in the United States 1997-2017 courtesy of CDC.gov

Ticks are arachnids, or eight-legged creatures, that thrive in deep grass and wooded areas. Often areas where our horses enjoy, of course. There are several different species of tick and they all have different life cycles, feeding habits, and habitats.

What is a bit more alarming is a new tick to the United States called the Asian Long-horned tick, which can reproduce without a mate. The video below talks briefly about it.

youtube

Most of the time when we think of ticks we think of the most common threat; the deer tick/black-legged tick. The deer tick is often the source of Lyme disease along with several other illnesses including Anaplasmosis, Powassan, and Tick-Borne Relapsing Fever. Blade suffered from anaplasmosis in 2017 (Blade’s Got the Blues and Equine Affaire).

The deer tick begins its life cycle as an egg laid by the females in springtime. By summer the larva emerges from its egg and waits for a host. Hosts are typically birds and small rodents.

Freshly hatched ticks they are free of the bacteria that causes Lyme disease. Only when they feed on their hosts do they pick up the pathogens. In the United States the bacteria transmitted is either Borrelia burgdorferi or Borrelia mayonii. Across the pond in Europe and Asia you are more likely to find Borrelia afzelii and Borrelia garinii.

The birds and rodents that feed tick larva carry these species of bacteria without illness; they are simply hosts. By fall the tick falls from its host and enters its nymph stage. The nymphs are barely visible to the human eye. These critters lay dormant through the winter but by April/May they begin to emerge again. They wait for a host to walk by so they can catch a ride. Using their barbed mouth parts, the tick digs in for a blood meal. The pathogen inside the tick enters the salivary glands and can be released through the tick’s saliva. These hosts include us and our loved ones. Nymphs are often the cause of Lyme disease since they are small and difficult to spot.

By fall the nymphs become adults looking for new hosts. At 45°F they seek wooded areas to survive the winter. When they emerge again in spring they continue to look for hosts and mate. A single female tick can lay 3000 eggs! After a two-year life cycle the new batch of larva hatches and begins the cycle again.

As you can see, we can become infected by both the nymphs and the adult ticks. The more hosts carrying the bacteria, the more likely it is to spread to us.

The hallmark sign of Lyme disease is the bullseye, a circular rash around the bite. Symptoms may appear weeks after the bite. This appears in a majority of cases…but what of our equine friends?

Horses suffering from Lyme Disease may have subtle symptoms. They might be off mentally, emotionally, and physically. They may be sore or lame, lethargic, grumpy, neurological, or have a low-grade fever. Lyme is known to mimic other issues so a vet is critical in ruling out other problems. Lyme will also elude testing, as there are many cases of Lyme that appear negative on test results.

I’m even learning that Lyme can be a cause for some headshaking in horses. Headshaking is not commonly listed as a symptom nor have any of my vets over the past two years suggested the possibility. This is, however, something I plan on looking into after this research. As you may know from past articles, Blade developed headshaking about 18 months ago (shortly after his run with anaplasmosis). Though our tests were negative it could have been one of those instances with a false negative.

Once Lyme has been diagnosed (or suspected) there are a few treatment options.

The most common treatment is called Doxycycline, an ingestable antibiotic often given in a powdered form with food. A similar drug is called Naxcel. Despite their popularity with horse-owners they only happen to be 50% effective.

The most effective treatment is more pricey… a study in 2005 reported 100% effectiveness. The reoccurrence levels were considerably lower in the study as well. What’s this treatment you ask? Daily intravenous oxytetracycline. My vet once called it the “gold standard.” The reason most horse-owners don’t opt for this treatment is the administration. Having a vet visit and administer the shot every day for 3-5 days is pricey so most horse owners use the Doxy.

If I remember correctly I paid somewhere around $450 for three daily IVs of Oxytet for Blade.

So what are some ways we can prevent this problem from happening in the first place? As the Benjamin Franklin saying goes, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Lyme vaccines for horses are not available yet. Studies have shown some effectiveness using canine vaccines on ponies, but it is still far too early. There are no studies out (yet) showing the safety of this methodology. Until we have vaccines we are tasked with the footwork that we should be doing anyway.

Checking for ticks often is the first thing you should be doing. Check yourself, check your dogs, check your cats, check your horses. It takes 24 hours for a biting tick to transmit the disease. I tend to find most ticks under the cheek, the neck, the chest, and the barrel (especially up behind the back legs).

There are a lot of Facebook experts who have tips, tricks, and endless opinions on tick removal. The simplest thing you can do is use a good pair of tweezers and pull the tick up slowly and steadily so you remove the whole bug. Another useful tool can be found in most pharmacies and pet stores. The tick twister. This little hooklike tool comes in a couple sizes (at least mine had 3 sizes in the package). When you find a tick you slide the bug between the openings at the end so it becomes wedged. From there twist and pull gently. I have successfully removed many ticks using this tool and I love it. After a tick is removed you may choose to save it in a plastic bag for testing. Apply alcohol or antibiotic ointment to the affected bite wound to be safe.

Since ticks prefer wooded areas, you can try to stay out of these areas. That’s easier said than done if you enjoy the outdoors.

Keeping the grass and pasture mowed can be helpful.

Removing piles of leaves and moist ground cover is an excellent way to prevent ticks. That leftover hay pile? Let’s get rid of it!

Keeping down the rodent population could be useful. Non-poison rodent traps, barn cats, and proper food storage go a long way.

Chickens and guinea hens love to eat ticks!

DEET and permethrins are of course some good chemicals that have proven efficacy for the prevention of ticks and other pests. Some people use them others don’t. That’s your choice to make. There are many products on the market including fly sprays, spot-on applications, and even wipes.

I have had mediocre success with feed through pest repellant. The more I use it the less effective it seems to be (though the first year seemed to make a big difference).

If you are opposed to chemicals more research has been finding useful essential oils that are as effective as the CDC recommended products. The key to the best product is perfecting the volatility ratio of oils. High volatility essential oils disperse into the air faster. This helps by preventing ticks from attaching in the first place. Lower volatility oils will disperse into the air more slowly and have a longer lasting effect. Check out the Tisserand Institute’s “Tick Talk” (link below) for more information on these oils. I’ve also shared with you their formulation for DIY tick repellant.

Credit to Tisserand Institute

The thought of ticks and the disease they spread makes my head hurt. Lyme disease is rarely fatal but it does lead to some frustrating and debilitating complications.

Other diseases like Powassan are rarer but a lot more deadly; this virus is associated with brain swelling. Here in New York we are already beginning to hear reports of Powassan virus. One group has found 25-50% of deer in the Adirondacks are positive for the virus and it only takes 15 minutes for the tick to transmit the virus to humans.

Whether Lyme, Anaplasmosis, or Powassan we can take steps to stay healthy and prevent ticks from biting. It may take some time and effort but it’s completely worth it.

What are some of the methods you use to keep ticks at bay?

REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING

http://ssequineclinic.com/pages/services_lyme.html

https://ker.com/equinews/lyme-disease-horses/

https://equusmagazine.com/management/protect-against-lyme

https://www.vet.cornell.edu/animal-health-diagnostic-center/testing/protocols/lyme-multiplex-horses

https://igenex.com/ticktalk/2018/01/01/a-closer-look-at-the-different-types-of-ticks-and-how-to-identify-each/

https://www.cdc.gov/lyme/stats/graphs.html

http://www.aldf.com/deer-tick-ecology

https://www.cdc.gov/ticks/life_cycle_and_hosts.html

https://www.cdc.gov/lyme/index.html

https://www.lymedisease.org/get-involved/take-action/lyme-awareness-month/

https://tisserandinstitute.org/tick-talk-2/

https://www.adirondackdailyenterprise.com/news/local-news/2019/02/powassan-virus-on-the-up-tick/

What Ticks Me Off We hear it every year, year after year..."This is going to be the worst year for ticks yet." It seems to get worse every year.

#Animals #Family #Health #Horse #horselover #Horses #LymeDisease #LymeDiseasePreventionsMonth #Prevention #TheGreenHorseman #Ticks

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everybodyhasabrain · 7 years

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Is recovery from mental illness possible?

Yes. The answer is an unequivocal, irrefutable yes. We can see this in anecdotal personal experiences and in research. Let’s start with an anecdote and then we’ll explore some research and what it might mean for you on your own journey.

In the past, I struggled with a bunch of different mental illness diagnoses. The symptoms included things like believing people were trying to poison my water bottle, standing in front of the stove to make sure it didn’t turn on after I’d checked that it was off, washing my hands repeatedly under scalding hot water until they felt clean, checking the door lock repeatedly, seeing people get run over by cars, seeing myself smash my teeth out or stab sharp objects through my eyeballs, not picking up knives because I was afraid of stabbing somebody, sinking entire days into online compulsions, not touching raw meat, convincing myself I’d contracted a terrible disease, leaving every relationship I got into, taking hours to write a simple email, changing how I acted in my apartment because I believed I was being watched, and so on and so on. It’s a long list. Struggling with my brain consumed every minute of my life.

The great news is, I don’t deal with any of those symptoms any longer or any of the crushing anxiety or depression that went along with them. After some bouncing around the mental health care system, I was lucky enough to find therapy, I learned skills to cut out all of the compulsions I was engaging in and how to relate differently to the stuff in my head. It was gruelling work, I had to make massive changes in my life, but it’s been more than seven years now since I would have classified as having a diagnosable mental illness. I am not mentally ill. My mental health is better than it has ever been and it would be impossible to go back to struggling with mental illness unless I chose to do it. You can learn more about how I define recovery in this video: “How do you define recovery?”

I am not an anomaly. Let’s start with some of the tough ones because when I bring up recovery, I’m usually met with comments like: “Yeah, but not for serious mental illnesses like schizophrenia,” or “Sure, but not for personality disorders…” The thing is, it’s people with lived experience of those diagnoses that have been leading the recovery movement for decades.

We know people recover from Borderline Personality Disorder. In one 10 year study, they found that 83% of participants experienced at least a four-year remission of symptoms during the study, and 50% achieved full recovery: “Time to Attainment of Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder and Stability of Recovery: A 10-year Prospective Follow-Up Study,” American Journal of Psychiatry.

For an inspiring anecdote, check out the work of Brandon Marshall, who was at risk of losing his career in football to BPD but got help and is back playing with the New York Giants and started a non-profit to help others get the same chance at recovery he had. He shares more in this article he wrote for The Players’ Tribune: “The Stigma”

With schizophrenia, research shows between 40% to 60% of patients can expect remission of symptoms if they get treatment: “Remission in schizophrenia: validity, frequency, predictors, and patients’ perspective 5 years later,” Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience. A meta-analysis found around 14% of patients would meet the criteria for full recovery: “A systematic review and meta-analysis of recovery in schizophrenia,” Schizophrenia Bulletin.

A big caveat here is that research studies tend to focus on traditional therapies that generally try to get rid of hallucinations. Recent approaches to recovery emerging from within the schizophrenia community often focus on learning how to experience hallucinations. To learn more about learning how to hear voices, check out the International Hearing Voices Network.

And we could go on through whatever diagnosis you can think up. Eating disorders? 49% of patients recovered during this study: “Recovery and Relapse in Anorexia and Bulimia Nervosa: A 7.5-Year Follow-up Study,” Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.

And what about Major Depressive Disorder? This meta-analysis of 92 studies encompassing 6937 patients had 62% of participants no longer meeting the criteria for MDD: “The effects of psychotherapies for major depression in adults on remission, recovery and improvement: A meta-analysis,” Journal of Affective Disorders.

Or maybe addiction? A study of 4422 adults with a history of alcoholism found 35.9% in complete recovery and 27.3% in partial recovery. “Recovery from DSM-IV alcohol dependence: United States, 2001–2002”, Addiction.

I’m going to stop things there because it’s weird we even need to have this conversation. Of course recovery from mental illness is possible. The real conversation to have is this: What makes it possible for some and not others? How can we support more people through recovery? How can we make changes in the context surrounding people to help them succeed with recovery? How can we remove systemic barriers and challenges that fuel relapse?

You might look at those recovery numbers and say they’re not very high. For most of those illnesses, less than half of people receiving treatment found recovery. But the most effective treatments for mental illness all involve the patient taking action on their own every day. Any therapist can tell you how to change your relationship with your thoughts or how to cut out a compulsion, but you still have to do it and keep doing it. So what we’re looking at with mental health is more like physical fitness.

Those recovery rates I cited are probably no different than what you’d expect to see with any other behavioral change, like somebody getting into great physical shape. How many people can make the changes to improve their physical fitness level each year? Figures on gym membership drop-outs are tough to come by but by six-months into the year, around 40% of new members have dropped out. That doesn’t mean the remaining 60% all become Olympic athletes. And those are the people who can at least access a gym. If you’re working two jobs and struggling to buy food for your family, how could you have time and money for a gym membership or weekly therapy sessions? Humans struggle with change even when they’re oozing privilege. Throw in socioeconomic barriers and the difficulty swells.

Numerous studies have demonstrated the effectiveness of Exposure and Response Prevention therapy for recovery from OCD. It’s challenging, but it’s worth it. The key though is actually following through on it. A 2005 study on ERP found that 86% of participants improved significantly after a 12 week course of therapy if they stuck with the therapy. Of the group that dropped out before the end of the 12 weeks, only 62% saw improvement. “Randomized, placebo-controlled trial of exposure and ritual prevention, clomipramine, and their combination in the treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder,” American Journal of Psychiatry.

That study wasn’t about long-term recovery but that gap between the group that completed the study and those who didn’t illustrates the problem we’re dealing with here: your chances of improving your mental health drop significantly if you can’t do the work to improve your mental health. Expecting recovery without the support to make the changes involved with recovery is like expecting to develop the endurance and strength to run a marathon without doing any training. It’s just not possible. We need to look at the contextual factors around a person struggling with mental illness. We need to look at barriers getting in the way of making and sustaining changes. We need to look at support.

If you or somebody you know is dealing with mental illness, expect recovery. Seek out professional help that believes in recovery. But most importantly, take action. What supports need to be in place to succeed with recovery? What barriers do you need to remove? What baggage can you throw out to lighten the journey ahead?

#addiction #anxiety #BPD #depression #eating disorder #ERP #fitness #hearing voices #mental health #mental illness #myths #OCD #psychology #recovery #research #schizophrenia #stigma #therapy

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findingmarlins-blog · 7 years

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Marlin Brooks - Character Sheet

"Still I’m pinned under the weight/Of what I believed would keep me safe/So show me where my armor ends/Show me where my skin begins/Like a final puzzle piece/It all makes perfect sense to me/The heaviness that I hold in my heart belongs to gravity/The heaviness that I hold in my heart’s been crushing me.”

tw for some discussion of post-traumatic stress disorder and general management of mental health

Basic Information

Full Name: Marlin Brooks

Nickname(s): Mr. Grumpy Gills, (jk but someone please call him this) “Clownfish” back in college

Age: 40

Date of Birth: March 14th (Pi Day baby)

Hometown: Durham, England

Current Location: Swynlake, England

Ethnicity: Black

Nationality: English

Gender: Male

Pronouns: He/Him

Orientation: Bisexual

Religion: Christian (Anglican)

Political Affiliation: Ok I really don’t know a lot about UK politics and I was trying to research but I know I’m gonna get something wrong so I’ll just say that his political leanings are more conservative but he’s the type that will examine literally everything for how it will affect his family and vote based on that.

Occupation: Freelance web developer

Living Arrangements: Alone currently, renting an apartment in Benbow Apartment complex

Language(s) Spoken: English

Accent: Northeast?

Physical Appearance

Face Claim: Sterling K. Brown

Hair Colour: Black

Eye Colour: Brown

Height: 6′0

Weight: 160 lbs

Build: Average, kind of tall

Tattoos: A fan of coral very small on the back of his left shoulder with the initials of his deceased wife and two kids underneath

Piercings: None

Clothing Style: Polos and jeans or khakis, always wears a suit when he has a meeting or is teaching a class

Usual Expression:

Health

Physical Ailments: Family history of high blood pressure that occasionally spikes (though he does his best to manage it)

Neurological Conditions: /tw PTSD/ For a few years after the death of his wife and two of his children, Marlin was being treated for post-traumatic stress disorder, but as Nemo got older he didn’t keep up with therapy appointments as well as before and eventually stopped going. He also worried about Nemo not trusting him because of this and never told him. For many years, Marlin could mostly cope with his mental health difficulties through things he had learned and trying out different strategies he found in books, but he is under more stress now due to Nemo’s reappearance and may require more help now if he experiences a partial or full relapse.

Allergies: Pollen

Sleeping Habits: Tries to sleep eight hours a night, but sleeps as little as 3-4 when extremely stressed.

Eating Habits: Tries to eat healthy and usually cooks for himself.

Exercise Habits: Used to run every day on a treadmill in his house, now goes to Olympus Gym to do it because of the physical and mental health benefits.

Emotional Stability: Maybe a 4/5.

Sociability: Hasn’t done a lot of socializing over the past twenty years so he is nowhere near as friendly or comfortable as he used to be. He has a sometimes awkward sense of humor and is easily discouraged.

Addictions: None

Drug Use: None (except for like prescribed stuff of course) Marlin is all about that health

Alcohol Use: Really only socially-- again for health reasons

Personality

Positive Traits: wisecracking, devoted, determined, organized, courageous at heart

Negative Traits: overprotective, judgmental, assumptive, neurotic, one-track-minded

Goals/Desires: to find his son, repair their relationship, and keep Nemo safe

Fears: Loneliness, that he will never see Nemo again, crowded places, large/quickly moving vehicles, highways, heart attacks, flash floods, poisonous animals, magic to a degree tbh

Hobbies: Running indoors, walking outdoors, listening to music

Habits: over-organizing, worrying, judging

Favourites

Weather: sun and warm weather

Colour: orange

Music: jazz and swing

Movies: mystery

Sport: running; likes to watch golf and soccer (football for u brits)

Beverage: ginger ale and coffee

Food: a nice steak

Animal: He generally doesn’t like animals but fish are harmless

Family

Father: Charles “Charlie” Brooks

Mother: Esme Brooks

Sibling(s): Younger brothers Harold “Harry” Brooks and William “Bill” Brooks, younger sister Corrine Brooks (not very close with them; he is much older and does not get along with them well (no huge issue just personalities clash))

Children: Marlin Brooks Jr. (deceased), would be 19 years old; Sadie Brooks (deceased), would be 19 years old; Nemo Brooks, between 15-18 years old

Pet(s): None :( He had a goldfish once like ten years ago probably

Family’s Financial Status: Middle class

Extra

Zodiac Sign: Pisces

MBTI: ISFJ

Enneagram: 4, the individualist

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor/Slytherin

Moral Alignment: Lawful Neutral

Element: Water

#WOW I DID ANOTHER ONE TONIGHT #darla is def not happening lol i am tired but enjoy this #inspo #about

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ericfuentes · 5 years

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I wrote this in response to a newcomer stating he was merely an observer of the facebook sobriety group I belong to and is now ready to reach out and admit he needs help.

“Day 47 here. I had 12 years before relapsing from resentments I was too proud to work through. In my relapse I dug myself into some pretty shitty holes that I’m currently working myself out of - with help. The day I got clean this time I let go of rage and I swear I could feel hope enter me once again. I know that sounds weird but that’s my experience. A week after I got clean I had emergency gallbladder surgery. I managed to keep my job despite my lack of attendance due to my addiction and that meant I kept my benefits but had no money for rent or food. That week in-between getting clean and the surgery I had no way to know what was to come. I had complications from surgery because when i use I don’t take care of my health. I had no immune system so even just having surgery was dangerous for me. I have HIV & HEP-C - my liver was not happy about the surgery and responded by over producing some mystery fluid the medical field likes to call ascites. I stayed in the hospital and underwent two painful procedures called paracentesis - basically tapping my abdomen to release my now pregnant looking gut from 6.4 liters of ascites and then again of 3.4 liters. Then a second surgery to see if maybe they can locate a leak (before admitting they don’t really have an explanation as to why my body is producing this fluid & ultimately blaming my liver disease). I share this with you not because I want praise for remaining clean throughout this, nor am I seeking sympathy from ANYONE - shit, even I don’t feel sorry for myself. I share this publicly to illustrate the power of choice. You see, while I am a slave to addiction I have no choice. It’s only when I’m not using drugs (alcohol is a drug & literally poison to our bodies), I have choice. Choice to wake up each day and take responsibility for my happiness. I’m not (fortunately) chemically imbalanced that I have depression so really, just like most of this worlds population, I am free to decide wether im going to be happy or not. That happiness is MY responsibility and no one else’s; besides, no one else (even doctors) are qualified to create my true happiness. It is really all within ourselves. (I speak of us not medically diagnosed as depressed or manic or possessing any real emotional and mental challenges - so for those of you reading this that do deal with said ailments I’m cannot speak on your behalf) It’s so much more easy to get to this spot with certain tools like gratitude or a shift in perspective from a near-death or near-losing-everything experience (we like to call that “hitting rock bottom”), and I do admit ever since allowing people in again, this journey waaaaaay less lonely but, it doesn’t have to take almost losing everything to change. I’m able to taste foods again, see colors other than “apocalypse yellow” (which is how I see the world when I’m using) & I’m able to feel again. Feelings are what most people run from but actually feelings are tools for us to survive. Take it from someone who lived free from the obsession to use and is currently incredibly happy every day since I made the decision to not use - YES, EVEN THROUGHOUT MY MEDICAL ORDEAL - and having reached that same happiness in previous times during that 12 year hiatus from addiction (I’ll say it plainly here: IT IS A POSSIBILITY, NOT EXCLUSIVE TO ANY ONE PERSON, TO WAKE UP EACH DAY AND END EACH DAY BY FALLING ASLEEP HAPPY EVERY DAY, DAY-AFTER-DAY FOR ANY GIVEN TIME) I know this to be true because I achieved that the first time I was clean and I’m living that now. I’d wish you good luck but eventually luck runs out so instead I’ll invite you to a life that you’re worthy of, one with so many possibilities and experiences you will eventually concede never having imagined. I hope you’re in pain now so that this bottom is your last and you may never forget it - but mostly I hope you are ready.”

*i want to make it clear for any trigger-happy reader that in no way am I discrediting mental illness nor am I discounting medical professionals, their practices nor their treatments of said illnesses and those not listed to be beneficial and critically imperative to any person who may prosper from the above mentioned treatments. I am only speaking from MY experience as it is all I have to offer with any real truth as I see it.

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pitz182 · 6 years

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How Addiction Stigma Prevents People from Getting Help

My name is Sara and I am 28 years old. I grew up in a two-parent household with a loving family, had excellent grades in high school, and graduated from college. I currently work full time. I love children, nature, animals, family, and my many friends.Self-Medicating with OpioidsI have also struggled with depression, anxiety, and OCD since I was in my early teens. At age 18, my life was changed forever when I was prescribed an opiate painkiller after the removal of my wisdom teeth. I discovered, with that one prescription, that opioids made me feel normal. And yet, opioids are what put me through a roller coaster of hell for the next eight years. They also introduced me to my good friend “Heroin.”From early on in my addiction, I wanted help but was too ashamed to ask for it. I also figured I could beat this thing myself, but I couldn’t. I needed help. My parents encouraged me to contact a rehab facility, which I did immediately. The nurse who did the intake was very kind and said I could come the next day to be admitted for detox, but she first needed to get approval from the insurance company.I, and my family, were so relieved that I would begin a journey of recovery. This is when I experienced the stigma of addiction for the first time. The nurse from the rehab center called me back and said that my insurance company would not approve me to go to detox and rehab because I had not yet been incarcerated.Several months later, I was finally approved for rehab, but only after I possessed a misdemeanor charge.“Sneaky Drug Addicts”: Doctors Perpetuate StigmaAfter detox, rehab, and a six-month stay at a sober living facility, I came home and began looking for work. I found a job quickly, but I needed paperwork completed for a physical. Although the job did not require a drug test and there was nothing on the form requesting drug testing, my primary care provider refused to give me a physical or sign the form unless I agreed to a drug test. It didn’t matter that I was in recovery and was also attending outpatient rehab which routinely drug-tested me.Even now, with two years in recovery from addiction, I still experience prejudice and stigma in health care settings. Recently a bout of severe food poisoning and dehydration sent me to the emergency room. There, I was accused of going through withdrawal. I provided the nurse with the list of my medications, which included Vivitrol—an opioid blocker. I was also honest and told her that I used marijuana occasionally to help with anxiety. After I was sent for testing in Radiology, the doctor told my mother that he was quite sure that I was going through withdrawal and that he wanted a urine screen. My mother told him that she was sure I wasn’t going through withdrawal because I had always been upfront and honest with her when I relapsed in the past.“Well, you know how sneaky drug addicts can be,” the doctor said.When I returned and the doctor told me his suspicions, I agreed to the urine test but told him that I expected an apology after he got the results and I only tested positive for marijuana. I watched as two nurses outside the room laughed and looked toward my room. I knew they were laughing at me—the drug addict.Half an hour later, the doctor walked in and said, “Well, I guess you were right, you aren’t going through withdrawal. We only found a small trace of marijuana in your system. But, you understand why I had to test you, don’t you?”He never did apologize to me.In Recovery and Denied TherapyPart of my recovery is getting a monthly injection of Vivitrol which is an opioid blocker that also helps reduce my cravings. The provider that gives me the Vivitrol requires that I also go to a counselor, which I was more than willing to do. But at my intake interview at the local mental health agency, I was honest about my occasional marijuana use for anxiety and as a result I was denied counseling services. I even appealed it to the medical director, but that didn’t help. It didn’t matter to them that the anxiety, depression, and OCD—which is relieved by the marijuana—may have been partly responsible for my addiction to opioids in the first place.That ER doctor held the belief that people with addictions are sneaky and dishonest, and maybe this is why. My treatment has repeatedly been delayed or denied because I've been honest. Do other people have to lie to get medical care? If someone is sent to a counselor for emotional eating, are they refused counseling if they have given up everything but potato chips? And even if the providers believe smoking marijuana is a condition of addiction, wouldn’t that be all the more reason to offer me care and a provider? To this day, I have been unable to find a counselor who will take me.My wish is that every person who has substance use disorder is treated with respect and compassion. When you are addicted, you already beat yourself up every day. Every time you look in the mirror, you see an addict. We certainly don’t need to be reminded by the people that chose a sacred profession and took an oath to help people that we aren’t worth it. That only puts us deeper in the depths of destruction rather than building us up for a path to recovery.Healing: Compassionate Health Care ProvidersMy experience isn’t unusual, but I have also encountered many health care workers who were compassionate. Those were the people who gave me a reason to keep fighting for my life. There was a nurse in the emergency department (the one time I was there to get help for withdrawal after I had relapsed) who gave me a big hug when I was leaving and said, “Don’t give up. Keep trying. You are worth it.” And then I watched as she hugged my mother as she sobbed on her shoulder.“I know it’s scary, Mom, but she will get through this. The good thing is, she wants to get help,” she said.Another nurse told me how proud she was at how far I’ve come and not to take other people’s biases to heart. And then there was my Health Home Nurse -- she just works her magic and does whatever’s needed to help you stay in recovery. She is nothing short of amazing and I owe my life to her. Those are the people who make me want to continue my recovery and the ones I will be thankful to for the rest of my life.I am Sara. I am a survivor who is recovering from substance use disorder. I could be your daughter, your niece, your granddaughter, your next door neighbor, or your co-workers daughter. I am worthy of being treated with respect and compassion just as much as every human being struggling with this disease is worth it. With the right kind of support, people can and do recover.Note: My mother, who has worked in the healthcare industry for over 30 years, has been frustrated witnessing firsthand the stigma I’ve faced when trying to obtain care and services. She's often had to advocate on my behalf. She currently volunteers with an organization called Truth Pharm, which works with local providers to reduce stigma in healthcare settings. She asked if I would be willing to share my story, and that’s why I wrote this.

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emlydunstan · 6 years

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How Addiction Stigma Prevents People from Getting Help

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alexdmorgan30 · 6 years

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How Addiction Stigma Prevents People from Getting Help

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colorfultriumphtragedy-blog · 7 years

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modalert

Cleansing chakras

Chakras are very receptive, they know how to absorb negative energy. This energy changes the color of the chakras (they become dark) and their size. Chakras of a healthy person are the same in size (balanced) and clean (they do not have negative energy). The source of the negative can be an unpleasant situation or a negative person in the company of which you are, as well as your own thoughts. Another chakra can shrivel. This happens when a person is afraid of something related to what this chakra knows. If there is some obsession in the head, then the corresponding chakra swells. One of the simplest ways to develop spiritual abilities is to keep your chakras clean and balanced. Yoga and meditation are two powerful ways to cleanse and balance the chakras; I have an audiocassette (and a CD) "Purifying the Chakras"; This is a very effective tool for those who prefer to hear the tutor's voice during meditation. In the third part of this book, the reader will find a description of several techniques for cleaning doctor chakras and eliminating imbalances.

Etheric chains

If fear is intertwined in human relationships, painful attachments arise between people. You seem to put on a leash on a man who constantly says: "Do not change!", "Do not leave me!", "Do not hurt me!" These attachments are quite visible and tangible - you just have to notice them. I call them "ether chains", and most of all they remind me of surgical hoses stretched from one person to another (sometimes such a hose is stretched from a person to some thing that he is afraid of losing). Ethereal chains indicate serious violations of normal human activity. Listen to your inner sensations - and it will be easier for you to notice them. The ether chains create an energy corridor between the two people. A person on the other side of the chain will pump out energy from you, and it will not come to your mind. And maybe, along the corridor you will be sent negative energy, which will cause you severe pain - for no apparent reason. Those who often help other people are usually connected with them by a large number of ethereal chains. And it does not matter if he gets money for his help or not. Chains appear when the one who receives, falls into dependence on who gives this help. So if your best friend constantly turns to you for advice, you may be already connected to her by the etheric chain. Etheric chains often prove to be the real cause of chronic pain in the shoulders, neck and back - these are the parts of the body that are attached to those who suffer from frequent pain. The longer the relationship lasts, the more massive the chain. And massive chains spend a lot of energy. I often had to see thick chains stretching to the relatives of a person suffering from chronic pain. One day a woman named Samantha, a student of my courses in Melbourne, asked me to break the massive chains that, as I saw, were attached to her back. I asked Samantha if she had a backache, and she answered: "Constantly. Because of these pains, I even have insomnia. " I guessed that Samantha's chains lead to her ex-husband. They have uneasy relations, both have equal rights to raise children. Samantha immediately recognized that the former husband is her "sore spot". I called the archangel Michael and asked him to break the chains. But the chains resisted! This is a sure sign that a person is angry, does not want to forgive the offender or even dreams of revenge. I asked modalert Samantha to take more air into her lungs. Then I asked a question; "Do you want to finally get rid of the pain that is associated with your back and ex-husband? Do you want to find peace instead of pain? " She exhaled and said "Yes, I want to." After that, it was not difficult for me and Mikhail to cut her chains. The next day, during classes, Samantha told the students and me that on the previous night she had slept as hard as she had never before, and she had no backache. For the first time after the divorce, the thought of her husband was not overwhelmed by a wave of rage. In addition to physical pain, etheric chains sometimes cause chronic fatigue syndrome with the exhaustion of physical and spiritual forces. This happens when too many chains are attached to a person, through which people needing help pump out energy. If this has happened to you, you may have been frightened by the thought that all these poor people really depend on you completely and completely. Whatever it was, if their needs deprive you of the ability to act freely, then you yourself have fallen to the level of these people. They undermined your strength, which is always bad. To do away with this, mentally refer to these unhappy people: "The Lord will always listen carefully to you - as I am. You are strong, full of energy and health - and so do I. " Then ask the angels to give you the strength to say "no" and sufficient self-esteem to take breaks from work from time to time. Regularly cleanse your throat chakra - then you will have the courage to speak frankly with those who draw energy out of you. In the third part of the book you will read about some specific ways that help to break off the ethereal threads and "throw out" the accumulated debris accumulated in the chakras. Trying to break the etheric chains of Jennine Prolux forced despair; the woman was in a very unpleasant situation. Her fiance, a former drug addict, sat on the needle again. Doctors ordered him inpatient treatment in a special dispensary. This greatly shaken the financial situation of the young couple, and Jennine had to move to the groom's parents. When the young man returned home, his mother took up arms against Jennine: it was supposedly her fault that his son was addicted to drugs and that he had a relapse. The groom's mother was so furious that the girl had no choice but to move to her brother's house for a few days. Just at that time, Jennine was reading my book, "The Lightworker's Way" ("The Way of Ministers of Light"). On the way to her brother, she thought about the way she described the rupture of the ethereal chains, and Jennine really wanted to look at what connected her with her mother-in-law. Before the eyes of the girl there was a picture: a thick, slimey rope comes out of Jennine's abdomen and goes somewhere in the sky, then descends to the ground and connects with the mother of the groom. The vision was so naturalistic that Jennyn was frightened: before she did not notice the gift of clairvoyance. She imagined how she cut this rope ... The ether saw is easily cut with fringe of mucus, but under the rags a twisted steel cable was hidden, and to destroy it, Jennine visualized the chain saw. The fibers of the cable fell with a characteristic steel clank! Jennine was scary, but she believed that this was the path to freedom. She stopped when the last harness fell on the ground - it was the thickest and resisted the saw longer than anyone else. Then Jennyn pulled the steel scraps sticking out of her stomach and felt a strong pain: there was a hole in her stomach. Then the girl filled the hole with love and light, and the pain subsided. Here's what Jenna said: "The day I got rid of the chains that connected me to the mother of my fiancé and her fears, I gained true freedom. This improbably strengthened my ability to self-heal (I never dreamed of such), helped to detach myself from other people's fears and to establish myself in my own strength. Now that Jennaine and her mother-in-law are free from steel chains, respectful relationships have been established between them. Emancipation from the etheric chains and cleansing of the chakras are so effective that their beneficial effects reach past lives. Discussions around reincarnation still continue, however the fact that memories of a past life help to heal seem convincing enough. It is worthwhile modafinil for a person to understand the reasons for his fears, anxieties and bad habits (often most of them come from past lives), as all this baggage of negativity disappears. It does not matter whether you believe in a past life, whether it is someone's personal spiritual experience or just a metaphor - the therapeutic effect of such memories is still amazing. Cordelia Brabbs attended my one-day seminar on healing with the help of angels, in Edinburgh (Scotland). It was a deep intensive course of lectures on how to cut the chains and clean the chakras, calling to help the archangels Raphael and Michael. "From my chakras, it seemed as if they were drawing out a whole sea of muck," recalls Cordelia. - Emotions just go off scale - in the end I burst into tears. After five days, she suddenly felt ill - the symptoms were like with food poisoning. But Cordelia is a vegetarian, she does not drink alcohol, never complained about her health. Therefore, she realized that this disease is not of physical origin: after the cleansing session, the stage of energy detoxification has come. Gradually, she felt better, and Cordelia was able to fall asleep. The next morning it seemed to her that with a soul like a stone fell. It was easy and joyful, although it is unclear what actually happened. Burning with curiosity, Cordelia turned to her friend-medium.

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