#i had a lot of fun w/ this fic but im also real nervous to post it lmao

[philtstone]

Touch prompts: “feeling their pulse” for Shawn and Gus

so like .... i compromised my most staunchly held principle (there is objectively way too much of this kind of fic in the psych tag and i refuse to contribute MORE) to write this. alas; it would not let me go not sure how i feel about it as a standalone - i think it belongs in a larger fic, tbh, but im trying to be responsible and post these as prompts instead of spending weeks on a real story. i'll probably expand on it (and situate it in a generally more fun story) eventually. warnings for cursory description of blood, throw up and a broken arm & set during the events of 4x09, aka shawn takes a shot in the dark

In Gus’s memory, the Tuesday before Junior Prom is marked by the dead frogs in biology class and the most disgustingly broken bone the world ever had the displeasure of witnessing. 

“Mr. Spencer!” he had shrieked, operating on pure and unadulterated survival instinct.

They were fifteen and stupid – the way being angry at your parents makes you stupid, or being scared of how much you want to see Destiny B from first period art naked makes you stupid. When Gus yelled, feeling cold all over despite the hot after-school May sun, a weird hoarse twist he wasn’t used to tightened his throat. It overrode his gag reflex, thankfully, but unfortunately also made him sound like a panicking girl. Shawn didn’t say anything. They had a system. If Gus couldn’t look at Shawn’s broken ulna without throwing up, then he also couldn’t see the tears leaking out of Shawn’s eyes as he pressed his face against the scraggly front lawn and groaned in a horrible not-normal version of his recently-cracking teenaged boy voice. 

Plausible deniability for both of them.

“Fuck,” Shawn managed between sobs. Gus’s mom would have killed them both if she ever heard that word. “Gus, Gus it really hurts –”

“Don’t,” said Gus. He couldn’t look. This was so much worse than that time Shawn got a nosebleed in gym class it got all over his grinning teeth. He wasn’t grinning this time. He was shaking, like a leaf. Like one of those leaves from the plant unit in biology class, and oh, God – the frog. “Don’t, don’t, don’t.”

“Make it stop!”

Gus couldn’t. It was horrible. He’d told Destiny two weeks prior that he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up and he couldn’t even look at his best friend’s broken arm. He wasn’t panicking, not in the way Joy used to tease him for when they were kids (not grown-up fifteen year olds) and he’d get nervous around the water slides at Six Flags, but in this memory Gus felt scared in a new way that was somehow worse than water slides. “I told you that branch w-wouldn’t – I told you it wouldn’t hold, Shawn!” He shouldn’t have been yelling; it made him feel better anyway. “Why wouldn’t you just listen to me for once –”

The front door slammed open and shut and heavy footsteps rushed toward them. The broken arm probably hurt a lot, because Shawn wasn’t even mad at Gus for summoning his dad. Gus kept on shouting at his own shoes. To this day he has pretty much no idea what he was actually saying. The act of berating on its own was therapeutic.

Therapeutic had been one of the words he’d spelled right in the spelling bee.

“Shawn!” 

In the memory, Mr. Spencer’s voice invades their bubble like a popping bb gun and a big bucket of cool water in summertime all at once. The broken arm was not actually his fault, but Shawn had climbed the tree because he was fifteen and angry and Gus had hung back on the ground because he was fifteen and thinking about Destiny’s long swinging braids. Somehow both of these things connected back to the general presence of Henry, weeks away from divorce, hanging over their heads. He’d been the one who grounded Shawn two days prior for skipping second period for the millionth time, and Gus wasn’t sure he wanted to go to Junior Prom (where Destiny would be, slow dancing with Micheal H for sure) alone. 

“Shawn – ah, Jesus. Gus. Gus, come on, calm down, kid.” Two firm hands grabbed Gus by the shoulders and hauled him to his feet, and his tirade died in his throat. He was kind of shaking, too, but there was a sharp edge of fear to Henry’s voice that came out sounding almost angry and somehow made Gus feel better. “You’re okay, alright? You’re okay. He’s okay. This isn’t your fault. Go inside and get my car keys.”

Gus can’t really remember whether he made it to the bathroom before spilling his guts. He figures it’s kind of an immaterial detail, nineteen years later.

“Gus,” Shawn mumbles. “Gus, I got blood on you.” 

“Shut up, Shawn,” Gus says.

Shawn isn’t dead, which is pretty obvious to everyone now. Gus has been convinced of it for the last twenty-four hours. If Shawn was dead, Gus would’ve felt it. This is a conclusion he came to at around eleven a.m Pacific Standard Time, still in his pajamas and halfway through one of the gross protein bars Juliet keeps in her purse to keep his brain functioning on something one tier above pure fear. He used to wonder about it in college – whether Shawn was lying in a ditch somewhere without him. The idea would float through his head on random days when he was in crisis about stupid stuff like his upcoming Chem 102 final and prone to catastrophizing, and he’d think miserably that Shawn was probably on a sunny beach surrounded by beautiful women and Dolph Lundgren, momentarily freak because dude, what if he’s in Northern Guatemala and dead, and hasn’t even said anything? That would be just like Shawn, and then, finally, he’d eat a Kit-Kat and go for a walk around campus and finish his study notes and everything would be fine. A week later he’d get a postcard, like Shawn had somehow read his mind all the way from Bardstown, Kentucky, and pretend he didn’t miss his friend someplace deep in his ever-feeling stomach.

This morning he became convinced. He’d know. That has to be how it works. Nothing else makes sense, and Gus is a person who likes to believe in the reasonable and rational when he can.

Yeah, says Shawn’s regular, not-mumbly voice in his head. Like mummies and curses and ghosts. Absolutely the most sensible person I know, buddy, bar none. 

Shawn’s real voice is slurring something unintelligible and sounding a lot less coherent than he did fifteen minutes ago when jumped onto the hood of a moving vehicle. Like an action movie star. Gus can’t even bring himself to be pumped about how cool that was, theoretically, because –

“EMTs are on their way.”

“Well can’t they get here faster?”

“I’m not a goddamn teleportation service! Guster, get his head up –”

“His head is fine, will you just –”

“Stop jostling him!”

“He’s my son, Lassiter, don’t fucking tell me what to do – Shawn – Shawn –” 

After the adrenaline wore off and Shawn’s legs turned to jello, getting him to sit up against the car was kind of hard. He is, as a result, currently lying on the ground with his head in Gus’s lap, manfully, while they wait. Juliet took care of locking the bad guy in the other car and has sort of shut down, emotionally speaking – her sweet face is the color of chalk and her eyes are like saucers and she keeps answering her radio so fast her hands blur – and Lassiter’s trying (ungainingly, now that the shooting is over) to take charge to make himself feel better.

Henry’s the only one who seems capable of being practical. Gus knows this version of him well.  

“Gus … you hate blood. 'Cept when you're tellin' me to lick it.”

Shawn again, being unhelpful. As always. Gus is too relieved to gag. Maybe later. 

“At this juncture I am neutral about blood,” Gus tells him, in his best Professional Pharmaceutical Salesman Voice. Shawn grins crookedly up at him. He’s like, half passed out already, and the only thing keeping Gus sane is the steady beat of his pulse in his neck, where it presses hot and sweaty against Gus’s hand. Hot and sweaty makes him think of their junior prom. That was gross, though Gus supposes he didn’t mind at the time. They barely made it to the thing anyway. Shawn milked his stupid cast like his life depended on it and Destiny, who was big into art, sat at their table instead of dancing with Michael H so she could doodle on it with the Sharpies she carried in her frilly clutch. She and Gus spent almost the whole night talking. She was like, his second ever kiss.

Back to the present. Through the power of Henry Spencer’s eyebrows Lassie’s been successfully banished – warded off, whatever – and Gus briefly wonders if he should be a bad friend (to Juliet) and ask that she come over and hold Shawn’s hand or something. Then Henry locks eyes with him and he realizes suddenly and inescapably that no, actually, Shawn will not want her to be here for this.

“Shawn,” Henry says.

“Hi, Dad,” Shawn manages. He’s still grinning, but his face is pale. Pasty. Shawn’s kind of tan as far as white guys go (Gus remembers Joy declaring this once, the way she always liked to declare things, when they were eight and she was twelve) so the gray tinge to his cheeks doesn’t become him. "Unhg… this’sucks. Kinda … numb tho’. I think ‘s getting better.” 

It’s not really getting better. Gus looks at the dirty, slick duct tape matted into Shawn’s tattered shirt and feels his ears ringing. This is one of top ten most unforgivable pranks Shawn has pulled on him in their lifetime, without a doubt.

“Kid, I’m so sorry. I have to stop the bleeding.”

“S’still bleedin’?”

It is. Gus’s leg is damp. Probably sticky. Every molecule in his body is trying not to think about it. 

“Gus, brace his shoulder.”

“Yes sir.”

Shawn’s mind registers what’s about to happen a second before Henry presses down; Gus can see it all click in his drooping eyes, which widen. The noise that comes out of his mouth is sudden and horrible. Worse than God’s most disgusting broken bone. Gus doesn’t move, but his stomach lurches, and his head spins. Henry’s pressure is firm and professional and unyielding and he can see the old brown jacket the older man stripped off his own shoulders start to stain where it rests against Shawn, who seems to be remembering that he got shot with a real live bullet for the first time since they found him. 

“Dad – Dad, stop, stop, fuck! Why’d you – doesn’ haft’ – jus -”

Plausible deniability, Gus thinks while Shawn complains. It would be normal except Henry's actually apologizing. He stares at the ugliest sepia-patterned fruit on his best friend's dad's shirt and counts to ten, then twelve, then thirteen. He wonders what Destiny's up to these days. He doesn't look and pretends not to hear, either.

“Gus,” Henry says after another minute, and Gus looks up. With a jolt, he realizes that he’s watching Henry Spencer cry. Nothing about his voice has changed; nothing about his posture has changed. The faint sound of an ambulance invades their consciousness while mundane, dull tears shine in the pale afternoon sun as they leak out of the older man's eyes and down his grizzled exhausted face. “You need to throw up?”

He does, kind of. Shawn’s spare hand has grabbed the dirty fabric of Gus’s jeans in one fist. He isn’t yelling anymore and from over Henry’s shoulder Gus can see Juliet, across the road, looking over at them desperately. She probably can't see the details, but there's no way she hasn't heard. Shawn gasps a shaky breath and squeezes his eyes shut and bites down into his own shirtsleeve to muffle himself. Gus and the car are blocking the worst of it from everyone else. The sirens are properly loud now. 

“He’s gonna be okay,” Henry says. “You know? It just looks like hell.”

Like he’s fifteen again, and being ordered to go get the keys. Gus shakes his head anyway, and Henry doesn’t ask again. 

[wheresmymilliondollarman]

reader x xander Hawthorne please 🥺

xander hawthorne x fem!reader

hcs about meeting & dating xander hawthorne

a/n: HI IM BACK! & tysm for the request!! xander is so underrated 👎 thats my bae fr🫶 currently working on other stuff but wanted to do this request bc i immediately had ideas for this!! i still don't completely get how school worked in the books, so if there's any wrong info please bare w me. if this wasn't what you had in mind feel free to send a specific request! again, this is kinda fic like but still calling it hcs.

word count: 7.3k

warnings: long backstory again, mentions of death, sexual themes. (pls lmk if you see anything else that should be labeled as a warning)

you’ve always lived on the middle side class of things. you were, thankfully, never poor, but also never rich enough where you could afford the more luxurious things in life.

your mother owned a small bakery 3 blocks away from your home, while your father worked for an electrician company. both jobs were stable enough to provide for necessities and both your parents enjoyed their occupations.

your parents always told you to never worry about money, but it still made you reluctant to ask them for things you wanted in fear they couldn't afford it. which is why you always tried to fix your problems yourself.

if you ever needed money, you would work for your mother at her bakery in exchange. while it was still your mom giving you the money, it made you feel better that you earned the cash. 

you later found yourself working at the bakery even without needing money. you liked working with your mom, and it was fun to learn how to make different types of sweets. 

at school, you were always a studious person. you worked hard to get a's and never anything below. you wanted to make your parents proud and feel as if their hard work toward the family wasn't for nothing. 

you knew it would be practically impossible for your family to afford your college career without going into debt. so you always looked at scholarships and what they looked for in students, so you tried to make yourself appear well-rounded. 

you joined student council, mathletes (although math wasn't your forte),library club, chess club,art club, film club, yearbook, culinary club, asl club, and a few others over the years. to say your schedule after school was always booked was a major understatement.

although your favorite was always the art club. you never even knew you had an artistic side until you joined. you explored it more with your membership and soon became quite good. 

during your freshman year you took your first art class. you were excited to learn under a professional for the first time. 

after a few lessons, your first major assignment was realism project; draw somebody in your everyday life. 

you were both excited and a bit nervous. you had drawn people before, but never someone you knew, and you wanted to make a great first impression on your teacher. 

you ended up choosing your mother as your muse; your father could never stay still enough to be drawn. it took a lot of long nights when your mother wasn't working to finish your drawing. you could've just taken a photo of her and drawn that, but you pushed for the extra mile of drawing her from real life.

you were satisfied when you finished, and your parents were in awe by your work - telling you over and over how talented you were and your teacher would surely be impressed. still, you were anxious about turning it in the next day in class. 

your assignment was a big hit with your teacher, you got a perfect A+. she commented on your beautiful handiwork, noting that your drew from real life. she also advised how you should consider switching to an advanced class since it was obvious you were already beyond a beginner course. 

you wanted to decline at first, being intimidated by the thought of being in a class with others who were just as good or better than you - but your gut instinct told you it was the right choice to make. 

it proved to be right because by the spring you were already one of the best in your art class. you expanded into all types of art: abstract, realism, expressionism, digital, etc. your favorite and most notable works tended to be the realistic ones of people, place, and objects. art had become a part of your life in the best way. 

you entered a numerous amount of competitions and always come back on top; it got to the paint your shelfs had all been filled to the brim. you parents of course were elated with your success and were never prouder. 

you soon were able to make some money with your art skills as well. you got commissioned for mainly portraits of family and friends, mostly to give as gifts or to have in their household. it made you feel proud someone out there had a piece of your art and that people loved your work enough to want you to paint their family. 

the biggest commission you've ever taken was a 40x30 portrait of an older man. the request was anonymous, so you weren't sure who the man was or if the request was for himself or another person. 

the project took a few weeks due to your work load and having to paint such fine details on a huge canvas. you were happy with the outcome and were astonished to find out the anonymous buyer had given you 10k for your work. it was way over your normal pay grade.

your success didn't end there. in the summer before your sophomore year, you received a fancy envelope in the mail. it was addressed to you and sent from heights country day school. 

at first, you were confused as to why they would send you anything. everyone in texas knew of heights country day, it was one of the best private schools in the state. almost all parents want their kids to be a student there, but the tuition was awfully expensive, so if you weren't rich you were most likely not getting in. 

you didn't wait to tell your parents before your ripped open the envelop in anticipation. you unfolded the letter inside and skimmed over the introductions.

you were shocked to find out you were being awarded a full paid scholarship to attend heights country day school for the rest of highschool. 

your first thought was to assume it was a prank, or a scammer trying to get your info. but you examined the letter further; the seal of the school and the dean signature did look quite authentic. then you noticed the number listed on the bottom of the page. 

you figured you should just call and check for confirmation. you told yourself the worst case scenario would be they laugh at your face and tell you the letter isn't real. 

you definitely did not want to inform your parents until you made the call, that way if it wasn't real, their hopes wouldn't be crushed and they would never even know about it. 

it took an hour of pacing in your room to finally work up the courage to make the call. you kept tour expectations low to avoid disappointment. 

the secretary of the school was quick to pick up after two rings, and you briefly explained the letter you received. you held your breath for a second until she told you to "please hold for a moment." 

when she returned she informed you you were being transferred to the dean's phone. your nerves were through the roof at this point. you wanted to believe it was a good sign the dean wanted to talk to you, but maybe he wanted to tell you himself the letter was unfortunately a phony and they do not give scholarships to art students.

the dean finally picked up the call and you both exchanged greetings. from there he explained how the letter was, in fact, very real.

the school had seen a work of yours and dug deeper into your portfolio and academic career. they were very impressed with your achievement, especially given your age. the board was all unanimous in agreeing to offer you the scholarship because of your artistic talents and would love for you to become a part of their school. 

the rest of the call was a blur to you. when the call ended you stood stunned in your room for a minute. you had to pinch yourself to remind yourself this was real and happening. 

once you snapped out of it, you were jumping up and down in joy. you truly were elated to possibly be a student at one of the top private schools in texas or even the country. 

you wasted no more time informing your parents when they arrived home. they also thought you were just pulling their leg, but after you told them you had confirmation - you swear their jaws hit the floor. 

your parents were just as excited for you. your mother took the liberty of baking all your favorites in celebration, even lemon scones, which were your favorite.

before you knew it, summer was over, and it was time to get back into school. you spent the rest of your break prepping to attend heights - gathering books, supplies, and a uniform (which was mostly paid by the school). 

this was your first time wearing a uniform, and you were a bit delighted to wear it. it was a burgundy blazer with a navy crest embossed, with the school motto in latin, a white dress shirt, and a pleated plaid skirt. 

it screamed, "i go to a really expensive private school."

it was nerve-wracking that you were now going to school with some of the richest and elite children in america. you'd hope it wouldn't be obvious where your social class stood, or if it was, they wouldn't think of you any less for it.

you did your best to stray from stereotypical assumptions, but then again you've never interacted with people of a such higher social class - you really had no idea what to expect. 

nonetheless, you wanted to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, so you held your head up high when the first day came around. 

the school in no way looked like a regular public school, it shared way more similar qualities with college campuses. it was beautifully constructed, and you had a feeling the inside was even more stunning.

your parents dropped you off in front of the twin archways of the school, wishing you a good first day, and they were only a call away if you needed anything. you responded with your goodbyes and now stood on the pavement of heights day.

a part of you was glad your parents left so soon; you loved them to death, but their older modeled car stood out amongst the other deluxe cars parked and driving into school grounds. the last thing you wanted on your first day was to stick out like a sore thumb.

you took a deep breath before you took your strides through the front door.

you were happy to see no one gave you obvious looks and stares when you walked through, like those of a movie. everyone seemed preoccupied with their own things. you were silently thankful for that.

you made your way to the office on your own; luckily it was very near the front entrance with a big sign that said 'office of registrar'. making it very easy for you to find it without having to awkwardly ask another peer.

you walked to a desk of who you assumed was a secretary and gave her your name and stated your business. she instantly recognized your name and made a swift move to hand you your schedule.

the secretary informed you about the school's modular scheduling, which means they operate on a six-day cycle, and classes meet anywhere from three to five times a cycle. you were free to fit in lunch where you saw fit. you honestly didn't quite grasp it, but you figured you'd just learn along the way.

she also let you know another student had been assigned to show you around school. that's how you ended up meeting rebecca laughlin.

rebecca was a shy and a bit nervous girl, but seemed sweet nonetheless. you briefly got to know her as she showed you the different rooms; the archive room, the reflector (basically the cafeteria you realized), gym, the art center etc.

she was in the same grade as you, and had a twin sister named emily also in the school. from the small mention of her sister you sensed it was likely a sore subject. you took over from there talking a bit about yourself and your interests.

rebecca mentioned she was also new this year, having moved to texas just recently with her family but frequently visiting before that. she was able to go on a private tour with her sister over the summer, which is why she knew the place quite well already.

you two chatted a bit more until the tour ended. the last stop was the art center, and you were more than thrilled to go inside and check it out. rebecca was about to enter along with you before she saw her twin sister and people who you assume were her friends , a boy and a girl.

you turned around to glance at them and saw they were waving her over. you could tell rebecca was hesitant to just leave you for them, but you reassured her she provided an excellent tour. she reluctantly went off toward her friends, not before giving you her number and letting you know if you had any questions you could reach her.

you took a peak back at where rebecca and her friends were walking away. they all look straight out of a teen vogue catalog. emily was identical to rebecca, same red hair, eyes, and face. you could tell emily was more confident than rebecca however. there was another girl, dark eyes and even darker brown wavy hair - she was so beautiful it felt unreal. and lastly with them was a boy, he was quite tall, dark-skinned with light honey brown eyes, and a head full of curly hair. he was handsome and easily fit in with the rest of the model-looking girls.

you must've looked a second too long because he turned his head in your direction and you both made eye contact.

you quickly snapped your head away,not waiting for his reaction, and made your way to the arts center. you cursed yourself for being caught looking a bit, and now you were slightly embarrassed.

when you reached the arts center, you were amazed. it was a big building with different rooms, it was decorated as if was a museum, marble floors and pillars, archways, etc. and everything about it was engaging.

you took the time to explore the whole place; you found several different art rooms you assumed were open to students, different supply closest, classrooms for teaching, and even a few soundproof rooms. at some point you ran into a few teachers and got to know them and what they taught. you had a few of them in your schedule, so it was great to know where their classes were.

before you knew it, it was time for your first class and then eventually to your last of the day. for lunch you had opted to eat what you brought from home in the archive because you didn't feel like going through the anxiety of finding somewhere alone to sit in the refectory.

it ended up being ironic because you made a friend in there who was also eating lunch. you were sitting alone at small table when a blonde haired girl with her lunch approached you.

her name was mia, and you both instantly clicked. mia had noticed you eating at the table alone and thought she'd introduce herself since she hadn't since you on campus before. she was also a sophomore, seventeen, and she was part of height country day dance team.

she has almost always eaten in the archive since her freshman year; she enjoyed the quiet and privacy since few students ever ate or hung out there too long - you both had that in common.

after that great first meeting, the two of you became best friends. you would occasionally have a class or two with her depending on the schedule, but you both always made time to see each other throughout the day and eat lunch in the archive room.

she later on introduced you to a few of her other friends, that were now your friends as well. they were all pretty wealthy, but it didn't change the fact they were all genuine and friendly people. the fear of making friends at your new school was gone by the end of your first week.

that's set up the rest of your fantastic first year at heights country day school.

you fit in immediately with the art center and other art peers. you all carried the same passions, and it was very fun to learn from others. of course, you all intimidated to be around people so advanced and mostly rich, but it only pushed you to work even harder.

your teachers were all so great. they were also tough critiques, being professionals and all, but you took any critique you got with stride- making you a better artist.

your non-art-related classes were more difficult and work-loaded than you were use to, but you were quick to catch up with the rest of the class.

a few kids at school were stuck up and pretentious, but mostly the students weren't too far off from normal teenagers. and like high school there were cliques and popular people. you never bothered yourself with any of that, yet you always heard three reoccurring last names - hawthorne, laughlin, and calligaris.

you knew laughlin meant rebecca and emily, and it didn't take you long to figure out the other last names must belong to the other two people she was with during your first day. it made sense to you they were well-known, just their looks alone made you feel like they're superior to you.

you could've asked mia or literally paid attention to gossip around you if you wanted to know the first names of the boy & girl with the laughlins, but it honestly slipped your mind. frankly, you were too occupied with navigating your new school life to really care too much about it.

the most shocking event to happen that year was the dead of emily laughlin.

you weren't close friends with rebecca - you two did have a few chats and texts here and there; she once or twice joined mia and you in the archive. but you still felt horrible her sister died and felt the need to reach out.

you gave her your condolences when you saw her back at school, and let her know you were there for anything. she thanked you, but you could tell she needed space to grieve.

you still felt the need to do something, so you came up with the idea to make her a portrait and gifted it to her wrapped. you didn't see her reaction to it (she opened it when she got home), but she let you know she deeply appreciated it.

after that the rest of your year was quick to come and go. and before you knew it, it was summer again.

your summer stayed uneventful, but fun. you worked almost full-time with your mom in her bakery and spent time with your friends.

one afternoon, you were working the counter and you saw a familiar face walk in - a certain handsome, honey-eyed, curly-haired guy.

you greeted him as you normally did customers and asked for his order. he replied, asking for blueberry scones.

you nodded and went to get the scones from your display. that's when he spoke up again, commenting on how he'd seen you from school.

you were taken aback he’d remembered you but you nodded agreeing and replied you were new sophomore year.

"what happens to be your name, baker girl?"

"y/n. and what happens to be yours, new customer?"

he gave a dramatic offended look, hand over his heart - "you mean your telling me you don't know the name of the most dashing man at heights country day school?"

you shrugged, "i suppose not."

"when then i ought to fix that, the name is xander, milady," bowing down to give a kiss on the dorsal side of your hand.

oh he was charming alright. 

to hide your blushing face you busied yourself with packing his scones into a paper bag and rang him up to the register. 

"very serious question...how do you feel about blueberry scones?"

"they're good, but i think the lemon ones are better." 

you've never seen someone look so taken aback as xander did in that moment. he looked as if he'd just got the news his favorite boy band broke up. 

"are you alright-"

"what do you mean you prefer the lemon ones!"

xander then went into a tagent on blueberry scones stomp the lemon ones any day, and only psychos favored the lemons. you countered his claims, defending your favorite treat. you both were going back and forth until a bell rang throughout the bakery, signaling a customer has entered. 

"i suppose that's my sign to take my leave, but trust this debate is not over."

you rolled your eyes playfully, but you fought back a smile at the implication you two would speak again. 

he handed his black card to pay, and you tried not to look astonished at his casual display of the card. as you were swiping his card, he pulled a scone out of his brown bag and laid it on the counter in front of you. 

"here, it's my treat. this is the start of my fool-proof plan to convince you blueberry scones are far more superior." 

you tried to decline or offer him a refund for that scone, but ever the gentleman, he wouldn't allow it. he was out the door before you could protest anymore. leaving with a, "until we meet again," and a wink. 

you hated yourself for liking his annoying handsome beautiful smirk. 

as he requested, you did eat the scone. you admit blueberry is delicious, but nothing compared to the citrus of your lemon ones. plus, you found a new motivation to keep favoring them. 

that was the first of xander's many visits to the bakery that summer. always the same order, and always leaving one for you to eat. he really was on a mission to change your mind. 

sometimes out of spite you'd slip in a lemon scone into his bag to rile him up when he opened it. it always resulted in xander coming back the next day throwing a dramatic hissy fit. you kinda found it cute. 

you two continued your light banter about scones, but ventured into different topics such as school, hobbies, and exploding robots (his favorite topic). even as you worked behind the counter aiding customers, he was there talking your ear off. not that you minded at all, it was nice to have someone other than your mom to talk to. 

you found out xander was very smart; he builds replicas of star wars droids and was a three-time world champion at building machines. you'd never known someone with such intellect. whenever you brought it up, however, he'd brush it off saying it's a family thing and his brothers are much wiser. 

you briefly got a synopsis of his family, and it was quite intriguing. he had four half-brother; nash, grayson, and jameson - all sharing the same mother, but none of the boys' fathers seemed to be in the picture. all of them were basically raised by their grandfather, tobias hawthorne, who was obsessed with riddles and games. he sounded like an interesting man to say the least. 

you opened up to him a bit about your family and getting a scholarship into the school. which now looked not as impressive talking to a genius yet, xander was amazed at this, asking to see some of your work. 

you were suddenly self-conscious about your art. you thought a rich guy like himself probably had seen hundreds of artworks better than yours and done by people younger than your age. 

so, you lied and said you didn't have any pictures, and that you'll show him another time. you're gonna stall that as much as possible.

you guys later exchanged numbers, now being able to communicate outside your bakery hours during the week.

xander favorite thing was to spam you with pictures of himself eating blueberry scones, and you swore you were gonna block him everytime.

summer went by in a flash, and the school went back into session; you were entering your junior year. 

xander and you continued to hang out all the time, even more than you did with your own friends. he was always the one to find you around school, no matter the schedule you had that day.

he loved to sneak up on you and jump scare you, making your heart leap out your chest everytime. you would hit his arm in retaliation everytime and swore you were gonna unfriend him if he didn’t stop. you never actually did though.

xander made sure to pull you out your comfort zone. he sometimes dragged you (sometimes physically) to the refectory to go and eat with him. occasionally, his friends would join as well. rebecca was easy to talk to since you already knew her, and thea was…. complicated, but she had her good parts once she warmed up to you. 

you then demanded xander eat lunch with you and mia to compensate for eating at the refectory every now and then.

he obliged, but you told him it was better if he didn’t after he got kicked out the archive for talking loudly. he swore the archive keeper had it out for him.

he continued the ritual of giving you a blueberry muffin made by the chefs of his home. sometimes you'd bring your own lemon scone and give it to him, negotiating that you'll eat your scone if he eats his.

he'd always agree, but eat it begrudgingly. you swore he was warming up to the scone.

you two took your hangouts to after school. if you worked, it'd be at the bakery and if not, you'd go to the park and just walk.

you invited him over to your house one day after school, xander excitedly accepted. you were a bit nervous he'd think poorly of your home since you were sure he lived in a glorious mansion.

you introduced him to both of your parents, and they greeted him kindly, but your mom embarrassingly asked if he was your boyfriend.

you were quick to make a joke to cover your pink cheeks, "mom, we'd never work out we have complete different tastes in scones."

xander cut in, "well, you know what they say, opposites do attract."

was he flirting with you, or were you reading into it? and why did you like it.

xander ended up really enjoying your house; he even once said he found it more peaceful than his own. so, you guys now frequently hung out at your house after school to talk, banter, study, and or even help each other with projects.

even though you tried to avoid it, xander ending up seeing your art.

it was unintentional; you were seated at a table in an art space working on a sketch, of whatever came to mind, with your earphones in. you didn't hear xander walk in and call your name.

you noticed his presence when he swiped your drawing book. you quickly took out your earphones and tried to reach for it back, but he'd already seen your drawing. and to make matters worse it was a sketch of him.

you were mortified, but he just looked at it in admiration.

he asked if you made it, and you shyly said you had.

"can't believe you were trying to hide your talent from me. now, as an apology ur going to let me keep this."

you immediately said no, and went to take it out of his hand. but xander was quicker and took the page from the journal and held it above his head, out of reach.

after a lot of jumping to reach it, which was required because he's very tall, you gave up and let him have it. xander was pleased with that, and has carried it everywhere in his wallet since then.

he now always pestered you about your art, wanting to see it or wanting you to make a piece for him. you had to admit, you found it flattering.

to make it fair, you wanted to see him in action working on something. he was delighted to show you his robots, and some of his process making them.

you were amazed at his talent, but he could be careless at times.

for instance, you two were in the lab room and you were watching him working on a new formula to fuel his robots. he turned on bunsen burner and before you knew it, it exploded.

he ended up with a missing eyebrow, and you were laughing hysterically. you still have pictures of him without it much to xander's dismay.

you knew you'd grown a crush on the charismatic guy, but you were too scared to admit it.

you weren't sure if he felt the same way, and a part of you felt silly for even thinking he would.

you confided in mia about it, and she was convinced xander was head over heels for you. but you still weren't quite sure, and you didn't want to damage a really good friendship.

in middle of october, xander's grandfather, tobias hawthorne passed away.

he wasn't at school that day, but you assumed he was out sick or doing something important. it wasn't until you heard the news from peers talking about it did you put it together.

you immediately sent him a text sending your condolences and asked if he needed anything.

you didn't hear from him for the rest of the week, which worried you - but you knew, like rebecca, people tend to want their space when loved ones pass.

it was a friday night, you were studying for an upcoming test in your world history class on monday, when you hear a sound from your window.

you ignored it at first thinking it was a wondering animal or just trees against each other. but then you heard it repeatedly, and you realized it was sounding more like a tap against the glass.

you carefully slid your curtains from the window and took a peak outside. you then came face to face with the boy you hadn't seen all week.

it took you a moment to register it was him, you yelped at the first sight of someone outside. but then he started motioning for you to open the window and then you noticed it was xander hawthorne.

you unlatched the lock on your window and slide it open enough he could fit through. but it didn't stop him from tripping on your window still and falling onto the ground with a 'thud'.

"shh! my parents might've heard that!"

"wow, instead of helping a poor fallen man up, you scold him. what ever happened to warm hospitality?"

you ignored him and held your hand out to help him up. once he was stood up, you waited for him to explain why he was here.

he went on to say he didn't have a specific reason, he just needed to get out of his mansion home. "the first place i thought of to go was here, with you."

you swore your heart leaped when he said that. you were praying to whoever was listening that your face wasn't a tomato. how do you even respond to such a heartfelt statement?

luckily, you didn't need to respond to that because he was quick to follow up his words.

"actually, you seem to be the first person i think about every day. no matter what i'm doing, I'll start to think of what'd you be saying if you were there. anytime i see the sunset, my thought shifts to what it look like if you painted it. hell, i've even found myself eating, yes eating, lemons scones because they bring me reminiscence of you."

xander crept closer as his words flowed out. and you were frozen to your spot. heart pounding louder as he took another step closer to you - leaving less than a foot of space between the two of you.

unsure of how to react you said the first thing that came to mind.

"well, uh, maybe you should think about inflation that usually keeps my mind busy." idiot. why do you open your big mouth.

xander gives you a grin, obviously amused at your nervous rambling like the little jerk he is. he was so close to you, you were embarrassed at the possibility he could he your heart pounding.

he moves his right hand to the side of your face, brushing his thumb over your cheek - eyes never leaving yours. you didn't have the strength to look away or even move, as if he was a vampire who compelled you to stay still.

"i've never known someone to get red so easily as you."

you then realized how much of your face was burning, and then after that statement it heated up even further. stupid nervous system.

"i didn't think your face could get a deeper scarlet than it was a moment ago," he laughs, "it's quite adorable honestly."

oh, god. this guy had your heart fluttering at after calling you adorable.

"i wonder how red you'll get when i kiss you."

you did not have a moment to process what xander utter because at the next second his collided his lips upon yours.

nothing prepared you for how exhilarating kissing him felt. your knees gave out a little, and xander was quick to keep you steady. you weren't even ashamed, stuck in a trance by the kiss. it was as if a scene from a jane austen novel had come to life.

boy, was he a good kisser. it was unfair really, how perfect he could he at anything he wants.

when the two of you pulled away, he was the first to speak up.

"you're about as red as crayon right now."

that was enough to bring you back to reality and shove him.

immediately after that night, the two of you began dating.

at first you thought it was unsaid that the both of you were now dating, but you should've known better than to believe xander hawthorne would take the subtle way.

the following monday you were in the refectory waiting on xander, who'd ask you to meet him there. however, you hadn't seen him yet, so you just sat down at an open table.

suddenly, you hear some sort of a mechanical noises coming from behind you. you turned you heard toward it and nothing could have prepared you to see a life sized R2-D2 robot gliding straight towards you - holding flowers in its utility arm.

what the hell was in your breakfast that morning?

when it made it way in front of you, you were completely stunned. you could feel the gazes of people in the room also witnessing this. the robot look scarily realistic to the ones in the star wars movies, xander really was a genius.

the robot extended another arm to reveal a small envelope. you took it in your own hand, along with the flowers.

WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?

a. yes

b. a

c. kiss me

you rolled your eyes at his antics, maybe genius was an overstatement. then you noticed some scribble at the bottom.

p.s. NUTR NUAORD

at first sight of the words - you thought you were having a stroke, but then you figured out you had to unscrambled it to reveal the words 'TURN AROUND'.

of course, xander was always one for puzzles.

you follow the directions of the note and saw the man himself standing before you with a basket full of both lemon and blueberry scones.

"a tough choice, i know. personally, option c is the most appealing."

you wanted to smack the smugness of out him, but instead you opted to answer with letter c.

dating xander was chaotic to say the least, but you wouldn't have it any other way.

you two were never allowed to go on ordinary dates, xander always made sure they were memorable.

for your first date he took you to an escape room, but reserved the whole thing just for the two of you. xander was obviously a pro at the game, but you were quick to figure things out as well. the two of you got the quickest escape time.

at the end of it, he gifted you gold chained necklace with an 'x' and a golden key. you wore it all the time after.

another time you were taken to a amusement park, also reserved for the two of you. you clung on to xander on the scariest rides, much to his enjoyment. it wasn't until the end you saw how there had been pictures taken of you both while on the rides - your expression being fear on almost all of them while your arm was tight grabbing xander's. of course his face was just his charming giant grin of excitement.

he made sure to keep them all and put it as had lock screen despite how much you told him not to.

xander was now way more lenient about the lemon scone thing, and you can proudly say he even enjoys them now. nonetheless, the tradition at lunch is still on-going.

the most nerve wracking part of your relationship was meeting his family.

you learned just how rich xander and his family are. you knew he came from a lot of money, but you were never informed he was related to a billionaire. you couldn't comprehend how having that much money was possible, but xander, of course, acted nonchalant about the whole thing. rich people.

his brothers were all pleasant to meet. nash was the nicest, similar to his brother, he was a charmer with a country accent. grayson was more closed off, and didn't say a lot, but greeted you nicely. jameson, was a wild card, he was a bit drunk, but everyone collectively chose to remain obvious to it. he was also very flirty with you, but you knew it was mainly to annoy xander.

apparently it worked because the following day jameson was found with green hair.

you were introduced to his aunt and mother. his aunt was also pleasant, keeping greeting formal. his mother was.... interesting... the interaction was small, but based on some remarks and backhanded compliments; she looked down on your lower status. xander was quick to defend you and apologize after.

you later were asked to open the front door with a jumble of keys that all looked the same. you assumed this was suppose to be a test of some sort, but you weren't a mastermind at puzzles games like the other hawthornes.

instead, you found a big rock near the front entrance and smashed it against the door locks until they broke.

the brothers looked all bewildered at your action. xander was the first to burst out laughing, come around you to wrap and arm on your shoulder and kiss your forehead.

"that's my girl. who needs logic when you have big rocks."

xander was your biggest supporter in everything. he loved every piece of art you made, and never let you scrap or throw any of it anyway. anything you ever drew or painted him, he would keep it framed and hung in a section of his room dedicated to your work.

he shows up to every art show you have, bragging to people around how his amazing girlfriend painted the work. you always blush in embarrassment, but it never failed to make you happy.

you showed the same support for his activities as well. you cheered him on at my robotic competitions and you were his assistant in helping with small tasks during his building and experiments.

xander made robots were mainly made for doing simple things in overly complicated ways. he also occasionally gifted you robots for small annoying tasks you would offhandedly mention to him.

for instance, xander was walking you to your next class, carrying your backpack as he always insisted it was his job to do. you joked about how you wished he was always around to carry your stuff so your arms wouldn't be so tired.

a few weeks later he gave you a small robot designed to carrying items such as a backup and books. he even gave it wheels so it could follow you around the school like a puppy.

with xanders extroverted personality, it shouldn't surprised you he is not opposed to any PDA. which thea always gags to in the background if she's there to witness it.

he always has his arm around you, preferably your waist, or interlocks your hands together. he loves to gives you random kisses on the forehead or cheek. xander's favorite thing is to surprise you with a kiss on the lips in public, just so he can see you blush.

your first time with xander was very romantic and he made sure it would be. there were candles all over his bedroom and rose petals scattered on the ground. 

although xander was known for being a bit cocky, he was just as nervous as you that night, wanting to make everything special just for you. 

once he made sure you were comfortable - it was like a switch flipped - his cocky persona was back ten fold. 

let’s just say the next day you couldn’t feel your legs, nor could you hide the multiple purple marks left on you. 

of course, ever the gentlemen he was - he made you breakfast in bed the next morning. 

you were even more shocked to find out that was his first time. why is he miraculously good at everything?  

you hung out a lot more at the hawthorne mansion, xander showed you different passages around it. the house was so huge it felt like you've only ever seen 50% of it.

you grew closer to the other hawthorne brothers, taking part in family game night. you after a game of their version of chutes and ladders, you were quick to turn down some offers to play a game.

you also became good friends with avery grambs, you had first met her at the will reading, xander inviting you for moral support. you related to how out of place her and her sister felt around highly rich people.

the events of the will were shocking, but you were happy to find out she'd be sticking around. her moving into the mansion made it easier to hang out with her. you helped her adjust to heights country day and became close.

you and xander both helped avery with what you could in solving the clues his grandather left behind for avery and the hawthornes. although, you kept quiet about the fact xander knew a lot more than he was telling.

however, xander was reluctant to let you join them on anymore research after almost getting shot at when you went along with avery and jameson.

you’d never seen him so mad at his brother, cursing him up and down for putting you in that situation.

xander was insistent for you to stay behind from then on, but you relented and kept tagging along with the others on their little scavenger hunts. xander realized he couldn’t stop you, so he forbid you from going on any clue hunts without him by your side.

it was cute how protective he was, but a little annoying too.

one day you were walking around the mansion with xander looking for jameson, who had wondered off to who knew where. you came across an unfamiliar office. you had asked xander who it belonged to and he informed you it was his grandfathers, now technically avery's.

the two of you entered the office space, you figured xander was curious if anything had changed since his grandfather's passing or if he had maybe left another clue behind.

you were looking around until you eyes came across something behind his desk - a large portrait of who you assumed was tobias hawthorne. upon further inspection, you came to realize another thing.

you painted this portrait.

"holy shit."

even beyond the grave tobias hawthorne keeps on spurring surprises.

[ohsweetflips]

maybe i’m my own greatest fear (a taz grad/fitzrain fic)

A/N: i'm still trying to get the grasp of writing taz grad fic, but after episode 6 i couldn't not fic this. also my brain just keeps bouncing back and forth between loving fitzroy/argo and fitzroy/rainer so i guess i multiship now!!! reblogs are greatly appreciated!!!

also title from sorority noise’s “art school wannabe”

summary:

“This promotion? Great, wonderful! A villain? Not so good.”

“And… why?”

“Because I’m not one of the bad guys?”

(Fitzroy goes to Rainer's dorm to talk about his "new assignment" and instead realizes that he can't avoid talking about his feelings and fears any longer.)

read on ao3!!!

---------------------------------

Rainer’s dorm was charmingly her. It was in the space between messy and tidy; the floor was spotless and the bed made, but stacks of books and jewelry and papers (and maybe a small skeleton or two, though he was never actively looking for those) covered the surface of every desk and dresser. The door off to the side, which was to remain locked until Rainer chose her permanent hench, was covered in posters and drawings tactfully placed, and a lone calendar filled to the brim in a quill she charmed to write in whatever glittery color she desired.

Very charmingly her.

Fitzroy had rarely been here long enough to actually pay her decorum any mind. Most of the time they had alone was spent on the outskirts of campus, or in the minutes they had between classes; more often than not, them “hanging out” involved at least three other people venturing to a much more crowded place.  

Still, though, he couldn’t quite stop his feet from walking to her dorm. Rainer had no roommate, no hench, and, well… Hieronymous told him to keep his program change a secret, but when has he ever been able to keep a secret, anyway?

“I half expected you to already be at the tavern,” Rainer was saying, her back to him as she sorted through one of her notebooks (probably looking for the report she’d have to write on their field experience, or more so a report on how promising the kicks and henches seemed). “Maybe even bickering with Argo over who’s paying for drinks.”

She looked around the high-back of her chair and shot him a smile.

“Please, Rainer,” he said, hoping that his smirk and posture maintained his poise and not the thoughts that were racing through his head. “I’m enough of a gentleman to know to pay for my friends’ drinks.”

“I know you are,” Rainer said, softly, and Fitzroy was thankful that it was then that she turned back to her desk so she wouldn’t have to see the red rising in his face.

Of all he expected to find at Wiggenstaff, he didn’t expect Rainer.

Or, more so, of how much he expected to detest Wiggenstaff, he didn’t expect to find someone who gave him a reason to consider sticking around. He had Argo and the Firbolg, of course, and he appreciated his friends (perhaps even best friends, though Fitzroy hadn’t had any prior experience with that level of friendship), but what he had with Rainer was… different.

Which only made everything more complicated, because of course it did.

“I actually came here to talk to you,” he continued, looking up at the small lights she had hanging with the tapestry around her bed. 

Rainer snorted. “No, really? I thought you came to talk to Gary.”

Fitzroy rolled his eyes, barely trying to hold back a smile, and was about to make some witty quip about Rainer’s own when he was interrupted with a, “Hey! Rainer! See you’ve got guests up ‘ere!”

Both their eyes flashed to the now-animated gargoyle in the corner of Rainer’s room, and Fitzroy suddenly felt like he was trapped in a tank at the reminder that not only were the Garys listening, but also a hivemind . That shared information. Information that could be private.

“Yeah, Gary, it’s-”

“Is there a way that he could actually be turned off?” Fitzroy asked, thankful that his voice remained level. “Apologies for the interruption but this is, well-” He swallowed, forced a smile “-this is kind of important.”

Rainer, spinning around to face him, arched an eyebrow before, with a flick of her wrist, a small, nearly-translucent bubble formed around the Gary.

“Silence,” she explained. “My Gary isn’t a nark so it’s probably fine.”

“Perfect,” Fitzroy nodded, allowing himself a relaxed grin.

“And I’ll admit, Fitz-” and she tapped her fingers against the arm of her chair “-You’ve got me kinda nervous here.”

“Well, no, you see- it’s fine, really.”

“That’s a lot of filler words for fine.” Still, she smiled and cocked her head.

“A lot of filler words for great, actually!” Fitzroy assured, to her and himself. “I’ve actually moved up in the so-called hierarchy here! Our dear Headmaster wants to put me into the hero-villain tract!”

Rainer’s glee was almost enough to make Fitzroy think that perhaps this wasn’t the complete end of everything. “Fitz, that’s amazing!” she exclaimed, moving her chair closer in so that she could tightly grab his hands. “We can all have classes together! You and me and Buck and Rolandus and his crew—don’t worry, they’re really all super nice—it’ll be so much fun!” She then furrowed her brows, suddenly serious, and, if possible, she squeezed his hands tighter. “What about Bud and Argo, though? Where are they going?”

“Oh, they’ll be fine,” he said, smiling. “They’ll be coming with me! As my- well, we all have to talk soon, but I assume they’ll be by my side.”

“Oh, like sidekicks!”

Fitzroy then sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, grimacing. “And that , my dear, is when things start to get a little complicated.”

“What do you mean?” Rainer asked, frowning. “Don’t tell me- they’re not leaving, are-”

“Oh, no!” Fitzroy shook his head quickly. “No, not at all. They’ll be coming with me, but as… Well, you see, when good ole’ Hieronymous bumped me up, he didn’t… bump me up to being a hero.”

“Oh, so you’re a villain!”

Fitzroy was proud of himself for holding back a flinch. “Apparently so.”

“Oh, Fitz! That’s so cool! It’s honestly really fun. A lot of the professors are actually super cool, which is nice because some of the content , oh boy, and-”

Fitzroy worried his bottom lip, trying to hold back the nerves and… aggravation that bubbled up in him. “But-” he interrupted “-but do you see the… issue… here?”

Rainer paused, studying him for a moment. “No?” she finally responded, equal parts confused and suspicious.

“This promotion? Great, wonderful! A villain? Not so good.”

“And… why?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Because I’m not one of the bad guys?”

Rainer froze for a moment and, while she gaped at him and then over at the stacks of textbooks and notebooks, it was then that Fitzroy realized that, perhaps, he fucked up. 

Dropping his hands right back into his lap, she huffed and moved herself back. “Wow, Fitz, super cool.”

“Rainer, wait,” he sighed. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” She asked, annoyance coloring her own voice. “Because, honestly, if you think I’m a bad guy-”

“No, it’s-” Fitzroy found himself fumbling for words as his eyes darted around Rainer’s dorm to focus on anything but the scowl on her face “-it’s not that.”

“Then what?”

“It’s just-” An exasperated sigh left him again and, in resignation, he threw his hands up “-the villains are the ones we fight against!”

She narrowed her eyes. “Who’s we? ”

“The Maplecourts!” he exclaimed. Once, simply stating the family name would make one think of knighthood. “We’re- we’re a long line of knights who are trained to fight evil and that is what I am meant to do!”

“Okay.” Rainer pinched the bridge of her nose, shutting her eyes tight. “You know equating villains with evil is pretty archaic, right? Like, there are heroes who are capital-E evil who just, I don’t know, fudged the budget, and then there are heroes who are capital-E evil because they actually did some really bad stuff. Like, I know that you know that.”

His head fell back as he huffed again. “You’re not getting it.”

“No, I’m really not!”

Looking back down at her, he shook his head. “I can’t be a villain!”

“Why? Villains aren’t automatically bad people!”

“I know! It’s just- the Maplecourts- we’re knights! ”

It was Rainer’s own turn now to throw her hands up. “You can still be a knight!”

“But not really! ” He snapped, his temper beginning to creep through as he struggled to restrain his volume.

“Why, Fitzroy? Why?”

“Because- because everyone expects me to be a knight so that’s what I need to do and-”

“Enough about everyone else!” Rainer snapped back. “I don’t care about everyone else! Only you! So, what do you think, Fitzroy? Why is this an issue for you? ”

“I’m terrified that this is all a mistake!” Fitzroy finally rushed out, unable to find it in him to care that he was near shouting. “I’m terrified that my time here is just derailing the future that I’m supposed to be taking! And- And this place isn’t the worst, okay? Argo and the Firbolg are my best friends and I love you but I am also so scared that I’m going to get out of here and there’s going to be nothing left for me! My family isn’t going to want a villain, Clyde’s Knight School isn’t going to want a knight who fought against the good that they strive to maintain, and- honestly, it felt like this school didn’t want me either! I just don’t want to keep going from nothing to nothing while everyone else gets to have the lives they all fucking hoped and dreamed for!”

Fitzroy, his breathing almost as shaky as his hands, looked pointedly away from Rainer. He blinked quickly, trying not to pay too much attention to how his eyes burned and, instead, tried to take down his anger—at Rainer for seeing through him, at himself for letting his temper burst out—before his magic decided to go wild. 

He could already feel it thrumming through his veins, hot and chaotic, and the last thing he wanted was to destroy anything else.

He really didn’t like fighting with Rainer.

Suddenly exhausted, with every bone in his body weighing a ton, he let his head drop in his hands and roughly pressed his thumbs into his temples.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice much quieter now. “It’s just-”

He was interrupted by a hand rubbing gentle circles on his back, and he looked up to find Rainer sitting next to him. Quickly, he ducked his head back down. Rainer didn’t deserve to see him like this: a small, scared animal lashing out in a final act of defense.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, quiet and, in his knightly opinion, pathetically fragile.

“It’s okay to be scared,” Rainer said, her hand finding its place of rest on his shoulder. “It’s okay to feel lost, even. But also… don’t run away from opportunities just because they scare you. That’s not you.”

He let out a weak laugh and finally picked his head up, flashing her whatever he could muster of a smile. “It’s pathetic though, isn’t it? I’m trained to be at the front-line in battle and I’m- I’m losing my cool because of academics .”

“Don’t just dismiss yourself like that,” she sighed. “It’s not pathetic, and obviously you’re upset over more than just some classes.”

“I just…” He released a breath, shoulders sagging. “Not to be incredibly dramatic, but it feels like my life keeps falling to pieces.”

“And I wish there was something I could do.”

He smiled slightly and rested a hand on her knee. “You don’t have to go through that trouble for me.”

“Maybe not.” Rainer shrugged. “But I want to.”

Fitzroy swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat.

“I think… I think you’re going to be okay,” Rainer continued. “I think things are going to be normal again, and I think you’re gonna like the new program-” Her voice then quieted “-Plus, being a villain isn’t so bad.”

The heat of shame rushed to his face and, trying to find the right thing to say to make up for that , he shook his head.

“I shouldn’t have said any of that to you,” he whispered.

Rainer shrugged with a half-hearted smile. “It’s okay.”

“No-” Fitzroy shook his head again, taking her hands “-it really isn’t.”

Rainer looked away for a moment, worrying her bottom lip. “I… well, okay, yeah, the whole villain comment hurt, but it’s- it’s fine.”

“But it really, really wasn’t okay,” he said, catching Rainer’s eye. “That was a major asshole move of me. You… you are nowhere near a bad person, Rainer. Not only are you a great person, a good person, you… you’re one of the best.” She smiled, a true one this time, and Fitzroy gently cupped her cheek. “It was unfair of me to… to generalize and take my frustrations out on you. And I- I really am sorry.”

“It’s okay, really,” Rainer said, placing her hand over his. “You’re forgiven.” 

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

A smirk dashed across her face. “You just might have to retake a class or two on chivalry.”

He gave her a smile. “A small price to pay.” 

Rainer’s smirk turned into a smile as well and, for just a moment, she studied him. “Are you going to be happy here, Fitzroy?”

He faltered.

If he had been asked that at orientation, the answer would have been short and simple: absolutely not. Happy? At Wiggenstaff’s when he was just attending Clyde Nite’s Night Knight School? How could he be?

Now, though, the answer wasn’t so easy.

“I want to be,” he finally said, sighing. “And, push comes to shove, I really do like it here. I have you, and I have our friends. It’s just… I want to be happy. But-” he scratched the back of his neck “-I think it’s obvious I have some stuff I need to work on. Nothing the school can fix… Honestly, I should be grateful to have this offer. It’s just… me-stuff, you know?”

Rainer nodded. “And we’ll be here to help you out. We all want you here, love you being here. I love you, Fitz. And I think you should take this opportunity. I know it’s not what you expected, but it can still get you a foot in the door. And… I’m not gonna pry, and I don’t know what I can do to help with all the family stuff and the Clyde’s Knight school stuff but… I think they would all just want you to be happy. Want you to do what you want to do. And if that’s being a knight, great! But if you end up doing something else and loving it? Then they should love that for you.” She then leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “And… if anything, we’re your family, too. And we’ve got your back.”

Fitzroy smiled, and found himself very lucky to have Rainer in his corner. “I love you, too,” he said. “And I’ll do better next time at… actually talking instead of skirting around it.”

Rainer smiled, too. “I think you’ll be okay.”

“I’ll do it for you,” he said before leaning in and giving her a kiss. His hand rested gently at her hip, one of hers ghosting over the back of his neck and, when they pulled apart, he smiled. “You and a good grade, of course. As a villain, I probably have to do a lot of talking, right? Gotta freshen up on my monologuing.”

Rainer rolled her eyes with a laugh. “ So much monologuing. And you gotta do it with a hero, too. Buck’s the worst to do it with. He’ll do a monologue while you’re monologuing to try to out-monologue your monologue.”

“Well, I’ll just have to talk really loud, I guess,” he said, laughing, too.

“I think you’ll do fine.” Rainer smiled. “I think you’ll do good. Do well … and some good, too.”

Fitzroy took her hands back in his own. “Not as good as you.”

“Who would’ve known that you were such a sap?”

“Don’t tell anyone,” he said with a wink. “I have a reputation.”

Rainer smirked. “You once lost an arm-wrestling contest with a hologram.”

He scoffed. “That was supposed to be a secret .”

“That you told everyone!” Rainer laughed before leaning forward and kissing him again. “But I can actually keep a secret, so you’re fine.”

“Your confidence is greatly appreciated,” he said, “Oh, and! I was not supposed to tell anyone that I’m a villain now, either, so keep this on the DL as well.”

“Fitz!”

“But hey! Now that we’re gonna have classes together, we can pass fun, secret notes to each other! Dish the goss and share secrets!”

“We already do that!”

“Yeah but now we can be super sneaky about it!”

Rainer, shoving his shoulder, laughed. “I swear, if you make my GPA drop-”

“I would never!”

“I already have to deal with Buck trying to talk to me all the time! And sometimes Rolandus, too, when he’s feeling particularly fight-y… with Buck. So-” She jutted a finger at him “-I have my eye on you, Maplecourt.”

He winked at her. “I know you do.”

Rainer stared at him, shaking her head, though she was only able to hold off a smile for so long. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Love you, too,” Fitzroy said, pressing a kiss to her forehead before standing. “Well, I guess I have some roommates I need to, ah, break this news to.”

“Good luck,” she said, smiling up at him. 

“Much appreciated,” he said. 

With his hand on the doorknob, he gave Rainer one final smile over his shoulder. “See you around, my lovely partner in crime.” 

Rainer grinned. “Try not to get into too much trouble,” she said, shooting him a wink.

“I’ll try my best,” he said with a soft laugh before stepping out of her dorm.

[undermattsun-archive]

ushijima x fem!reader x kita | w.c 1.2k

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

a/n: omg ok so here’s my fic for the super cool + epic collab for my server ;)) i’m rlly nervous cus i’ve never written a. fic like this so pls don’t be mean!!!! but like pls leave a comment below <333 also don’t forget to follow me (or i’ll BITE U jk xD) omg omg ok and don’t forget to check out the other fics for this super epic hot collab <33333 right here kidnapped by hq !!!!!!

warnings: inane rambling, i literally did not proofread this i would take breaks and start again without checking what i wrote last so it’s defs not coherent

I was just ur every day kind of girl. Nothing special to anyone...not ev en myself. All i knew was wake up, brush my hair (and teeth obvi!!)  and go out and go to university and to my part time job as a waitress ina  diner where not a lot of people would go to. Anway today was one of those boring days, i woke up with my alarm blaring at 6:00 am because i have a class at 8:00 am… it’s my least favorite one too. But yeah so i got up super early and made myself apple cinnamon brown sugar oatmeal and black coffee bc i’m also kinda broke bc i ran away from home bc my parents were those snobby rich people and i didn’t wanty end up like that ya know? i put on a really simple outfit bc i was feeling lazy since i woke up late!

(we need to bring back sillly bandz! they r so much fun!!) 

So i was walking to my early 8 oclock class all the way on the otherside of campus when suddenly ther e was a frisbee flying right at my face! I tried to dodge it but it still hit me right in the nose and i screamed so loud i didnt hear anything else but me screaming in really loud pain. 

“Are u ok??” i grab my nose in pain but it doesnt rlly feel broken or bleeding so i open my eyes that i didnt evern realized that i had close to see rlly gold eyes staring down at me. I scrunch up my eyebrows bc im confused bc he’s wearing overalls and a straw hat? Did i hit my head or something and am now seeing things?

“I’m ok do i know u?” i ask.. despite him looking weird in his farmer outfit he looked familiar so i had to ask.

“Sometimes i go to the diner u work at after im done at the farm bc there are good mochi waffles (a/n omg wait do they serve mochi waffles at dinners? I’ve only had it from  bakery xD)” he says with a really cool tone. I nod my head bc it makes sense. Before i can say thank you to him for asking how i am doing he grab my hand “please marry meand my cofarmer” 

“W-w-w-what??????” i yell my heart is pounding bc even though he is really super pretty i don’t eevn remember him ever being at the diner and like i remember a lot of my customers faces bc a lot of them come back a lot. 

“Marry us we will make u super happy pls it was love at first sight.” he says confidendtly (sp?) as he holds my hand tighter and tighter.

“I-i-i-i-i-i don’t even know ur name???” i whisper softly under my breath, “HOW can i marry u???”

“Shinsuke…..” a deep voice goes off behind me and i pull my hand out of his hand to look behind me, a big big BIG man stands there also wearing overalls and a straw hat and also a single wheat hanging from his kissable lips.

“Wakatoshi i have found the perfect housewife for us,, i have asked her to marry us.”

“But i’m just a normal girl from a normal world, how can i possible be apart of the world the two of you have made in the farm world?” the offer was amazing, the life of a housewife for these two perfect men that i’ve met by chance.

“She doesn’t havea choice the wedding is tonight ur marrying us.” the man who was called wakatoshi says with a very serious voice and facial expression. before i can ask hes suddenly pulling me to my feet and dragging me away.

“i have class!!” i say in protest as he continues to pull me towards a green tractor.

“you don’t need education…do you know how to sweep and cook eggs? and maybe make butter?” shinsuke asks following behind as wakatoshi pulls me onto the tractor.

“of course i can make eggs! but why butter?”

“we live on a farm darlin’ ya gotta know how to make butter.” shinsuke says and i nod my head. it makes sense.

“i can’t just leave my life behind tho i’ve gotten this far all by myself” i sigh even tho i’m comfortably sitting in wakatoshis lap i can’t let myself fall victim to their charms!!! i’m independent !!!

“give it up already your ours now…..” wakatoshi says seriously. i pout. he can’t just talk to me like that. i’m not a kid! i go to unverisity and have a job!!! 

“it’s too late ur already wearing the engagement ring” i look down at my hand and gasp to see a beautiful ring on my finger.

“this cant be real?” i shake my head my head.

“we already have your dress and the venue ready.”

“what?” the big grrrn tractor pulls up to a really pretty outdoor wedding venue. my jaw drops to see my entire family, even my parents waiting.

“go in there” wakatoshi points at a tent and i nod. i walk over and am immediately being changed by two guys who look the same?

“don’t worry we r gay.”

“and twins.”

“but not gay for each other bc that’d be illegal or something  and the author would get Cancelled™” it makes sense. i turn and look in the mirror and i gasp. i look beautiful. i may be an average girl but in this moment my velvet chestnut locks are curled to perfect perfection and the makeup isn’t too much or too little. these gay twins sure worked their magic!

i step out of the tent and look down the aisle to see my two farmer husbands looking handsome as ever (here’s what we look like teehee xD i know we look super cute!!) 

“y/n, im sorry me and ur moms bitchy richness made u run away but please let me walk u down the aisle on ur wedding day.”

“hello my name is agayshi and i am also gay, and here to officiate your wedding.”

“wait ur gay too?”

“yeah i’m married to that guy over there in the wacky inflatable cars salesman suit but we’re both respectively fucjing one of those gay twins. any way. do you y/n y/m/n y/l/n take shinsuke canonical rice farmer and ushijima farmer au to be your lawfully wedded husbands?”

“i-“ i look between the two men. my dream wedding. my dream men. i look around at all my friends and family. i nod.

“yeah i do.”

“congrats you may kiss the bride” at the same time wakatoshi and shinsuke grab my head and manage to mash all 3 of our mouths together.

i’m just so happy.

….or so i thought.

i woke up, it all turned out to be a dream </3

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

(a/n: hey everyone sorry for the sad ending but like...r there rlly happy endings in real life?? soz i just think we need to get more realistic w our fanfics </3)

like. comment. subscribe for more awesomesauce fics like this ;) !!! 

[dickpuncher420]

author interview tag

i was tagged by @klabautermanns thank u fam

name: ambre or dickpuncher or miss dickpuncher

fandoms: exclusively zukka for the past ~5 years lmao. theres some old fics from a couple old fandoms still on my ao3 tho

where you post: ao3, but i also crosspost onto ffnet for the like 3 people in the world who still use it

most popular one-shot: i would say fumbling towards ecstasy but technically that has 2 chapters so i’ll go w love language instead. still kinda flabbergasted by the response to that one

most popular multi-chapter fic: fumbling towards ecstasy only wins by a technicality, also bc i only have one other actual multichap fic

favourite story you’ve written so far: ooh this ones tough. i rlly like how love language came out, and kmjtsmu is really fun to write, but i honestly might have to go w sunday morning. i had a very specific tone and vibe that i wanted to express w that fic and i think i kinda nailed it. i end up rereading it a lot just for shits

fic you were nervous to post: kiss me just to shut me up. i’ve never written a real multichapter fic before so this was a new experience, and i was rlly worried abt things like update schedules and the possibility of me abandoning it partway thru (which i do a lot w one shots. i have so many half dead wips. rip)

how you choose your titles: half of the time it’s a lyric from a song that i think matches the vibe of the fic, and the other half its just. idk. trying to come up w something fitting but also kinda witty. fumbling towards ecstasy is the exception in that its the name of a ballet i saw once.

do you outline?: only sometimes, and usually quite vaguely. i like to write down the ideas i have for each scene and generally what happens in it, but dont go super detailed and leave a lot of it up to when im actually writing. i also like to write down any specific lines of dialogue that i want to include in the scene

complete: all of them except for kmjtsmu

in progress: kmjtsmu, obviously. but i also have a post-canon longfic that ive been chipping away at kind of on and off since 2018. who knows when thatll ever get finished tho

coming soon: the last 3 chapters of kmjtsmu are my priority at the moment. i cant guarantee anything other than that

do you accept prompts?: nope

upcoming story you’re the most excited to write?: i wouldnt call it an upcoming story bc theres rlly not much of it except for a vague outline, but its an ambassador sokka fic that focuses on sokka’s difficulty adjusting to life in the fire nation. i see a lot of fic abt zuko having a rough time as fire lord and sokka caring for him, but not much of the other way around

upcoming story you’re most excited about?: hrm. i dont read a ton of wips bc i cant keep them all straight in my head (i have so many in my marked for later that im waiting to start once theyre complete) buuut im rlly looking forward to updates from feels like we only go backwards, do you take this jerk to be (your one and only), The Prince’s Guard, and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands), Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dumbasses, Unchained Melody, Epistles, and At the Top of the World. ive also been hearing talk abt a zukka big bang? so im looking forward to those being posted

tagging: @azenkii @oldpotatoe @quenchyest @dykefirelord @mavy1 @engagedzukka @this-lady-of-the-flowers if youve already been tagged i apologize

[unproduciblesmackdown]

you said random number so.. gimme 5, 17, 24, 26, 38, and 43

#epic thank you!!!! sorry this is so long, gang, but you know me. press J if you have that keyboard shortcut option

5)favorite fics?

soph nothingunrealistic’s!! click the link & peruse any of the dozen gifts to this world on ao3. also just go right to her writing tag

17)a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

well i don’t Really have an answer for this one, but just yesterday it was once again time to talk abt how jaclyn moriarty’s 4-book ashbury/brookfield YA series is a lot of fun and unusual in good ways, but like, i guess what with being published throughout the aughts and like, not being super obscure but also not being explosively popular, and idk maybe they were also more Known in australia than the US, and, idk, but there’s not exactly what you’d call a Fandom online, or even very many traces of one. and i just like to mention the series as Fun To Read because they are very lively and focus on girls and have a real variety of Girl Characters (and also some boy characters who are also varied and fun but that’s just a bonus) and in particular i like to talk about how the third book has a really Unusual Choice Of Protagonist (the unfun unpopular Best Grades by-the-book overachiever etc etc etc nerd girl, kinda having the personality that ppl misinterpret alana beck’s personality to be lol, like something of a killjoy goody-two-shoes lol, but also with that earnestness and drivenness that alana has as well)......and the format of each book is Epistolary, but in different and creative ways each time, and it’s fun how like, the characters who are telling the story (the ones whose letters are used and etc) rotate with each book [tho emily and lydia are Storytellers in the 2nd And 4th books] and it’s very neat how like, you do get that sense that just b/c someone’s not being Focused On as much from different people’s perspectives doesn’t mean they aren’t still existing and present and doing stuff and having their own story, even when that’s not being mentioned by whoever’s writing down the events that we’re reading. we love that sentiment. anyways i just like to always Promote them.

24)who are you at the end of this decade?

hmmm!! i mean in many ways i am who i have been the whole time but yknow, 2009 - 2019 was a tumultuous period. i was always furiously trying to think through Who Am I As A Person for various reasons, even though like, when you’re in ur mid-teens that’s always In Progress rather than there being a really set answer to be discovered, and for a while it was a lot of frustration with myself all “why are you like [this], why can’t you do [that] right,” etc etc. but eventually i had like, a better frame of reference for a lot of what was going on, and even why i never quite felt like i had a great sense of Who I Am and What I Like and etc in the first place, and more understanding and respect for myself lol. even now it’s like, yknow i’m ~self-consious~ in ways often lol and i’ll sometimes Use that to be like, okay try to improve [this thing] about yourself!! and yknow on the one hand i feel like stuff i’ve been Working On for years Has paid off in ways, but then recently it’s like......okay hang on but like, it’s not a bad thing to like, have some traits that maybe aren’t gonna be seen as “perfect” or might be annoying or yknow, your Demeanor and Vibe isn’t always like, the most important thing to focus on lol or something where like, oh being sweet & saintly & coming across as utterly pleasant to everyone always gets to be The Objective Ideal. like, i’m opinionated and can be argumentative and sometimes impatient?? like, there’s a balance here between “good to be trying to Improve Yourself always or whatever lol” and “but also everyone is People with Traits and Different Personalities and everyone doesn’t have to just sand themselves down into an edgeless smooth sphere” and like, sure it’s like “haha i’m a bit more temperamental than i’d like still” but also i sure sympathize w/ the fact that like, oof, depression makes it tricky sometimes! and i do pretty okay at like, being Aware of when my mood is cursed and trying to be as chill about it as poss! or like, “haha wish i was better at conversation lmao” but yknow also understanding that like.....i’m just kinda Not great at it and that’s what’s Natural for me and like, again, a balance between “trying to be easier to talk to, lol” and “being okay with the fact that i’m not super easy to talk to and most ppl aren’t very easy for me to talk to either, lol”

im trying to be a bit less cagey lol which i guess might not be the first word someone might use to describe me for a variety of reasons, But......and but then also, i just like, for me there is no simple Be Yourself, Just Talk Naturally As U Would conversation mode lol, but you know. it’s hardly a pressing issue, and at the same time, like, sometimes when i find it hard to talk to people it’s like “well this is just you needing to Be Nicer” or whatever, or like, well you’re just not used talking to Anyone so like, push through it, and then it takes me a while to realize like, well no you just don’t love talking to them, lmao......and at the same time i’m Really slow to realize when people *do* actually enjoy talking to me, lmao, i am just not used to it And used to people like, not really being super interested in interacting with me even if they think i’m alright lol. lord! so i’m still slightly surprised whenever Anyone likes me, but also like, then again there’s sort of always these repeated scenarios where it’s like [Glum Trombone Noise] i’m also the recipient of various ppl’s various contempt for various reasons........which like, i sure don’t Absorb that as like “way 2 go, you deserve that” but also like, sure also never is the most fun experience of your life. but i have a way more solid sense of the fact that like, i don’t inherently deserve that, and an understanding of Why people will be Like That sometimes, and that’s all been acquired knowledge from the whole journey of this decade lol

also like, i have always been and continue to be like, Basically A Cat lol.....cats-sonas for everyone, ___ the ___ cat, But Seriously Folks........like, oh, there’s a lot of ppl and/or noise around?? unless i have chosen to put myself in that situation for fun, i’m probably gonna be finding whatever quiet / distant corner to hide out in and try to remain as undetected as possible.......kinda wary about interacting with people sometimes, though then also, i like to be friendly w/ strangers (if they’re friendly with me) and won’t necessarily mind spontaneous interactions but only if it’s Plausibly Expected in the situation, and even then, i might just prefer that Nobody Talk To Me......and i’ve yet to be Really comfortable in a group of ppl if i’m there *with* that group lmao, like, i don’t like to take the lead or compete for attention or anything and just kinda will try to do my own thing on the outskirts, whereas if i’m by myself it’s just like, i feel a lot more comfortable and like i can just do whatever lmao..........and also i don’t like to make noise lol. unless again, it’s deliberate, and it’s Fun. like at a concert? i will be the death of whatever nerd like, wants it to be like a solemn “listening to a record” occasion or wants everyone to yell out complete sentences if a performer asks an Arena full of people How Are You Doing 2nite or whatever. i’m gonna yell!!! anyways. idk. i am always like “oh i am Very Much [this way], except for all the times i am totally [the would-be Opposite way]”........i can’t really opt out of having Anxious Qualities and that’s alright, even though it does get in the way of things sometimes for sure. like, c’est la vie!!! i understand why i am like this, and that like, while for my own sake i can try to hold my own hand here and encourage myself to be a little bolder, it’s totally fine that like, i have Problems and Difficulties. 

i’m also at like, maybe the lowest levels of Impending Dread that i’ve had since i was like, 8 or some shit lmao............like again kind of a Wild Decade and one where like, it was totally all like “wow am i even gonna make it to [a few yrs in the future] -> [a year in the future] -> [half a year from now]” aaand it hasn’t been a full year yet since i was last thinking like “lmfao oof i might not be alive by __, who knows!!” but even while that was going on it was at least an improvement from the times i thought i might like, hmm hope i don’t off myself. and like, this is probably the first Start Of A Year in like. well possibly the past decade lmao, where yknow, it hasn’t felt quite as dire. i mean im not really out here a cockeyed optimist about anything, and like, i’m aware that things are always a little tenuous and there’s other factors i’m always nervous about, but That’s nothing new, and i’m kinda more like, neutral about the future rn lol? feeling less Dread and Doom is new-ish lmao and like, allowing that yknow, despite how crappy the past decade has been re: how i felt in my Outlook, there’s been a bunch of surprising Good Things to come along, and i totally allow for the fact that that could easily continue to happen. having Less(ened) Bad Feelings about Things might not = Absolutely Thriving but i appreciate it!! i also try to be appreciative lmao. like, what with the dread and doom & (hope i don’t die this year, i guess,) feelings, it’s wildly hard nowadays for me to like, anticipate stuff in a ~fun~ way or at all, but yknow when anything nice, even a really small / unspectacular / ordinary moment and/or detail, is being experienced by me, i try to enjoy that. i like to be Appreciative. and i think i’m also sort of like, sharing more of myself than i’ve probably gotten to or felt capable of doing in the past, and i appreciate that a lot too. like, it can be really Depressing for sure to think of like, hmm i haven’t had the chance to like, feel in control of things and like things are Totally Fine and i feel Totally Okay & like i’m enjoying everything, and i can choose to pursue [things i might enjoy], and maybe i Won’t have that chance? [another glum trombone noise] but like. i appreciate the good experiences that i Do and Have gotten so far. and the fact i’ve ever been in situations to connect with people and enjoy things the ways that i can and like, it’s really nice that My Presence in other ppl’s lives, even as just like Some Online Rando re: some ppl lmao, has had some positive effect for them or even just been enjoyed is like, wow, this is pretty great lol.........not sure where i was taking this tangent but like, i am someone who appreciates this a lot.

hmm i am also a passionate person at the end of this decade lmao!!!! that has definitely always been true. i am Of That Temperament. it is funny b/c like, the fact that i am A Motormouth Actually But Often Not Saying Anything In The Least To People, they think i’m like, of this very mild disposition and Not someone with strong opinions that they will launch into, or else i would have been doing that already........but you know!!! here i am online, fully able to just dive into things and start talking about whatever for one million years. and i sure latch onto stuff in a Big Way sometimes, which is why anyone follows me at all lol, b/c if you like [whatever particular content] and i am just all about that too, it’s a beneficial situation for us both i guess lmao. i can get really excited and focused about stuff, obviously, and i sure Also Obviously like to explore the emotional aspects of things. which is a vague thing to say lmfao but you all know what i mean!!! it continues to be the only reason i draw lmaooo like i draw so much and like, Making Fanart And Sharing It Online has i think also been a journey of this decade for me, and i really only draw a) exactly that fanart that i feel like making, and b) what i feel like making is always also probably abt Feelings somehow, like the Three Emotions: kissing (aka gay), crying (sad), and angry (angry)........great news if you want to see the stuff i already happen to be drawing lol!!! bad news i guess if you were hoping i’d draw anything but whatever i end up wanting to draw. i cannot be diverted. and i don’t even draw for its own sake lol like, i’ve always doodled for fun and all that, but like, ive never been a “wow i want to make my own __ someday” or whatever, and if i’m trying to draw something which is anything other than [the exact thing i might feel like drawing] it is Such a chore that like, i just don’t do it except for like, total Exceptions. except exceptions lol. don’t ask!! anyways why did i get on that drawing tangent there........yeah it’s definitely lucky that i’ve been giving myself that Drawing Experience so that i can connect w/ ppl that way, cuz i’m godawful at like, necessarily providing other stuff lol Or at being the one to Make Connections Happen otherwise......and also of course sometimes it is easier to convey/communicate something via drawing. woohoo!!

anyways yeah i’m a bit excitable lol and i sure guess i’ve got that Chaotique energy at times, for better or worse lol........like sometimes my Contribution can be like, just an absolute wild card thrown into the pile, or just like, maybe adding some Boost to a situation that other people can run with if they so choose. just throw things out there sometimes and enjoy when other ppl find that fun lmao

what else is there about me??? lol.......oh yeah i’m always sort of an Office Goofaround (not actually in an office ever, though). like, when ppl Don’t have that sense of Collaborative Humor where like, if someone does something a bit silly u just roll with that bit, or if god forbid they have Exhausting Cishet Guy humor where they think everything is about Dry, “Intelligent” Sarcasm and that being “funny” is about making yourself look like the coolest or cleverest person there who Wins the Center Of Attention spot?? it’s like, eff that, where are my Get Silly gang. also puns are funny but also only b/c they are silly. you have to really lean into it lol. 

well anyways!!!! and when i am asked to talk about myself i can be very extensive and yet not necessarily cover everything. here we are

26)favorite look you had?

my look hasn’t changed too much! Tees n Jeans (or shorts? or jorts? lol) are pretty much my thing altho you Know i have at times added in A Layer, or even accessories.......as always, part of the first few years of the decade for me was the whole “aha, yeah okay i’m trans” process, but before that i wasn’t ever really trying to be more “””””””””fashionable”””””””””” than the tees n jeans type of look anyway lmao, and even nowadays like, i have some Wardrobe Items that like, ppl might consider ”androgynous” or whatever when cis dudes wear them, like leggings or a v-neck sweater........really some of the only significant Changes was getting binder/s eventually (by 2012?? ugh idk) and also like, by 2011 i cut my hair relatively short, and from there on i just like, every year went “ugh god i need it to be shorter” and even now i’m like, hmm, do i want it shorter or is this fine?? but also i’m somewhat limited styling-wise b/c i just continually cut it myself in a bathroom mirror, true chaotic. and! i’ve been like, god i wish i had a baseball cap that’s just like, solid [my fave blue] or yknow, black or something, or idk. one that i like. and also someday it would be nice to like, not only have an updated prescription of lenses but also Multiple Glasses Frames to choose from, even though my current ones are alright still lol.......this is me just talking abt my past looks and how i’d like to potentially update my look lmao i did Not answer the question but, as usual, i also don’t have a great direct answer lol

38)a prediction you had for this decade that came true?

lol this was not a decade where i was ever looking ahead to 2020 and making any assumptions about this Block Of Time as a whole.......i mean like, i was Really starting to suspect byyyy 2012 for sure that like, i could not like, be able to exist And have my parents be in my life at all lol and by 2013 it was just like. increasing confirmation of that. and i last saw / spoke to them prior to me just effing out of there at the end of 2015. snaps for me

43)an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

well a couple i appreciated that might not be obvious were pretty brief and fairly impersonal lol. so in 2015 i had this Nightmare Job for five whole months which was obviously miserable in most ways, but there was this other guy who wasn’t even a Coworker, we just had the same job and had similar routes of Stores to go to, so we would run into each other a lot of mornings, and he would talk to me and i’d talk to him and he was totally good-humored about everything and that was helpful lmao b/c it’s great to have Someone you enjoy seeing. i also struck up a rapport with a baked-goods stocker at one particular store, and that could be an enjoyable 14 seconds. it was a godawful job lmao and like, Any pleasantness at all / decent treatment from other people was very helpful

also at this other job the next year which was a lot less hellish, there was this customer lady who like, i can’t remember at what point she started talking to me but yknow it got to be that if we’d run into each other she’d kind of update me on her life. and she would be like “sorry i’m talking to you, a stranger, about all this stuff all the time, but my life is a mess and i don’t really have anyone to talk to” and i would be like, lmfao mood, do not even worry about it, and yknow this was someone i only ran into usually once every few weeks at my job, and could only listen to for however long, but she was Going Tf Through It all the time and as much as i am a chatterbox who will go on for a century about myself b/c i can’t be concise abt anything ever, i’m also decent at being in Listening Mode lmao or yknow, i was like No Truly i don’t mind you venting, and also yknow, i’m like well i know how much it sucks to have Nobody to talk to about Big Problems. and i am this random restaurant worker and if i’m one of the only people this lady can talk to, you can bet i’m going to listen lol.......and she was really goin through it all One Thing After Another and yknow i’d catch her two weeks later and she’d be all like, well [this situation] has gotten worse, or This One Problem is over but now New Problem has replaced it, etc, and a whole issue that i got updated on was like lol. she had this boyfriend who she’d kinda mention early on when she was talking abt trying to find a job, or losing a new-but-terrible job and once again being back in that Job Hunt Stress, and idk like. i just sort of have decent Relationship Instincts lmfao of like “hmm this doesn’t sound great” but like, a month or two later she’s straightup Married to this dude, and i’m like oh congrats :) and then when a month or two after That she’s talking about how like, she’s maybe having Job Probs again and her now-husband is really giving her shit for like, not having found a new one yet, i’m like internally all [ :)))))) Not Surprised :))))))) ] but i’m like. yknow you Sympathize n Validate but if you just up and tell someone who’s being treated real bad like “you are being treated terribly, this person is acting terribly” then they might just want to defend them like oh it’s not That bad, or minimize it, and blame themselves for making their terrible partner “look bad”.......and by extension when she once was in our restaurant With said husband and introduced us i was like, just getting further confirmation abt this dude’s shittiness from his Immediate Vibe lmao like....whenever i feel uncomfortable enough in someone’s presence in a [not just universal level of Anxiety] way, it’s like, that instinct is pretty reliable & accurate lol.....but i had to pretend Not to hate him or act too standoffish towards him lmao cuz like!!! i figured i could “get away with it” but yknow, this lady had already said how isolated she was and the husband sure seemed Controlling and like, yknow, if you act like you don’t Like the shitty partner or said shitty partner catches wind of you maybe telling this person that “hey your partner is being shitty” then it’s all, them telling their partner “don’t go around that person who is so obviously Against me >:(” and like. yknow i figured as Random Restaurant Employee this dude wasn’t about to be super on guard about me but i still was not wanting to risk it but luckily i only met him the one time and only had to casually pretend i didn’t think he was shit that one time. and anyhow! soon enough the lady is talking to me about how she thinks getting married to him was a mistake but like, again, she was real isolated and didnt have family or friends or ppl in the area to talk to, and like, yknow she would be pretty sure her husband was cheating on her but of course He was the one all like, wanting to be controlling and invade her privacy and accuse Her of cheating on him, and i’m like, internally screaming but again yknow, i’m just letting her vent to Anyone (me) and sympathizing. and iirc her talking about her “uh oh my husband sucks” was like, i had come back from this delivery so we were in the parking lot lol and she was so upset about all of it and like, “sorry i’m just this random person talking to you for twenty minutes in a parking lot and crying lol” and i’m like. i mean yknow if the only person you can vent to about this terrible situation is me, this random person in a parking lot, absolutely i am glad to do it, even though i would’ve done it anyways lol...........and i was so mad at our General Manager this one time lmao b/c. yknow it’s a couple weeks later and wouldn’t you know it, The Lady is really stressed b/c her husband was yelling at her and broke a window in their apartment, and the Cost Of Repairs added to their monthly rent meant they might not be able to make that rent, and she was in that crappy situation that gets pulled on Tenants Who Probably Don’t Have Much Money, where you’re supposed to get 5 Days Notice or whatever when they’re like “get out b/c your rent is overdue” but you get that Notice on like, friday afternoon when your Last Day is supposed to be the following monday, and nobody is at the office all weekend, so obviously that’s not five days and it’s really only One Day and that Last Day that you’d even have a chance to talk to anyone, which is also a monday when you’d probably have work, and yknow, good luck finding help over the weekend, when probably ppl will just want to spend that time rushing to just pack their shit up and leave anyways.....ANYHOW it’s just some particular heinous bullshit and it was like, the saturday after it had happened to her, and i sympathized entirely b/c that had happened to me and i now lived in my car but i figured i wouldn’t bring that up lmfao.......and anyways i was sitting down with her to listen to her b/c it’s an Insanely Stressful Situation and again like, whenever she’d show up i’d let her talk to me abt her Problems for however long she felt like. and anyways of course eventually the one By-The-Books manager gives me shit all like “what are you doing daring to Sit Down and Not be doing restaurantly actions, ugh” and i’m like. i mean, unsurprising lecture to get lol, of course, but i was just so impatient like. well this person was having a crisis so i prioritized that above keeping the coffee stirrers fully stocked at all times, bite me. ENNYHOW and i didn’t see her for a minute after that and i Was a bit worried b/c like. of course i had every reason to be and she was just always looking so completely exhausted but then like, actually the last time i saw her she was actually more upbeat than ever b/c like! turns out that during an argument her husband had assaulted her and had been arrested. which is of course like. i was like oh i am completely sorry about that trauma but congratulations at this person being separated from you!!! and like, i wish i could have kept up with her beyond that, but i couldn’t, but like, that was the first Improvement in her life that i’d heard since i met her, and it was a way better last-thing-to-hear-from-her than her stressing out abt eviction thanks to her abusive husband breaking shit. and like, weird relationship lmao but!! idk i did feel lucky that i could be The One Person This Lady Gets To Talk With b/c like, god forbid she have absolutely nobody to talk to about this shit or treat her with any sympathy, even if it was just me, the rando she only got to see on occasion. and i hope she’s doing okay still! wish i knew for sure of course, but i’m glad i at least got to be there for her in a tiny way for a period of time and did eventually like, Know that she both knew that this was a bad person to be with, and got that Reason to be separated from him.

[misas-biggest-fan]

What projects are you working on right now?? Anything exciting?

this is such a good question!! tysm for asking i love when people are interested in my projects!!

and yes, i am!! at least, I hope it’s exciting!! i’m working primarily on merch stuff rn bc the state of dn merch absolutely appalls me LOL. so not only am i doing 1. another in-universe style misa line (she has to have a new line for every tour of course!!), im ALSO making 2. just general dn merch!! i’m going to have a line of tshirts and corresponding pins and stickers and if all goes well, i could even sell them!! but my end goal isn’t rly to get things sold, just to make them so they exist. i’m just sort of, like, obsessed w......... graphic tshirts and fan merch and designing real-life products. it’s a very weird art fixation LOL so the most important thing to me rn is just that i draw them at all.

plus my fics. plus other shorter fics i want to finish and publish. plus original fiction pieces to like, publish in lit journals and stuff. plus art for various friends. plus a painting commission from my dad, which i always hate doing bc i get very nervous showing him stuff LOL. plus my art piece for the captain america reverse big bang, which i should be doing now and am instead answering this ask LOL

so i’m doing lots and lots of things!!! part of my problem as an creator tho is that i start 500 billion projects at once so if im slow, that’s why! But i’m making steady progress on everything and im v excited and having lots of fun!! tysm for asking!!

here’s an L i doodled the other day to say thank you for asking!

(((and of course i can’t forget my a;lsdjkfs trailer LOL im so so close but im also SO frustrated w some of it and my friends have to tell me it looks good on a near daily basis LOL i think i had v v high hopes but there’s only so much im capable of doing as one human person w v limited resources and that disappoints me. it rly is fine tho i just need to get over my anxiety abt it. im sorry to everyone for complaining abt it so much LOL it’ll be posted soon and then ill shut up abt it!!!!!)))

[berriecoremoved]

ibuki headcanons!!!

had a scene phase and never outgrew it

plays minecraft. building off of @tenkolesbians hc for chiaki i think she runs a minecraft server w/ chiaki for the class. (more info on team chiaki and ibuki later!)

loves memes. has a group chat for the class where she just sends them memes.

she’s super outgoing, wants to see the best in everyone, and wants to get along with everyone, so you know you’re a fucked up person when she doesnt want to be your friend (applies heavily to teruteru & souda)

bc of this she’s super close to almost everyone in her class! she’s always trying to find some way to bring them together, and she even thinks some of her classmates would be cute couples, so she ends up trying to matchmake them

shes a lesbian and also polyamarous but she’s chill w/ being in a monogamous relationship too. all the matters is that she’s in love

her makeup skillz & instrument talents are all self taught

she has a journal where she jots down lyrics for songs if she gets hit with Sudden Inspiration

her horns are like. almost sentient. they get droopy when she’s sad and perk up when she’s happy. kind of like hiyokos pigtails

she likes to work with chiaki over class rep matters, and hosts a lot of class parties. they always end up being chaotic because its ibuki but people still have fun and that’s what matters!

a matter of fact ibuki basically. shares the role of class rep w/ chiaki. ibuki is much better with people anyway but ibuki wouldnt dare take over the role so they work together! 

ibuki was the first of her classmates to come out. when they first came to hopes peak they were all kind of tense & nervous bc they didnt know each other & stuff but they all ended up being lgbt w/ the exception of souda

the only problem w/ this though is that ibuki flirts with the girls a lot and none of them can tell if she’s actually being genuine or if she’s just being ibuki

ibuki LOVES reptiles. especially snakes. she has one at home

ibuki isn’t an only child. she has a couple of younger siblings and she has gay moms

her childhood was really good but chaotic. her moms are nice and supportive bc loving ur child is IN. 

she has adhd

ibuki is one of the best people to go to if you’re having troubles. she gives the best advice. this is bc despite her Ibuki Attitude she knows when to drop her quirks and take things seriously. 

but she’s also known to give advice w/ her quirks too, but she saves that for lighthearted stuff. after the killing game she gets really serious when people vent to her about their guilt or what haunts them

ibuki doesn’t like holding grudges; when she wakes up from her coma she forgives mikan like, immediately. 

during her school years she noticed chiaki, peko and mikan were having trouble making friends so she made it her Personal Mission to be their best friend and help them get closer w/ their other classmates

obviously she has a soft spot for those 3 girls but she loves all her classmates except for teruteru and souda. she especially loves hiyoko for her tsundere attitude and she thinks mahiru is the perfect mom friend and gundam is her Chaotic Partner in Crime

akane, sonia, and peko are her gym buddies. she loves to work out just for fun!

she actually has depression. she feels like she’s supposed to be happy all the time so she usually masks it but she tries her goddamn hardest! mahiru’s got her back & gives the best advice giver the best advice.

ibuki kinddd of gets a crush on mikan & peko and goes to mahiru all screaming & troubled bc yes IBUKI is poly but what if THEY arent

turns out mikan & peko are perfectly fine with “sharing” ibuki but then slowly peko and mikan fall in love with each other too so its a perfect poly relationship where they all love each other

hajime & the imposter keep her from going all over the place and overexerting herself etc.

she really misses being in a band & she tries to start one w/ the twilight syndrome girls. they suck at it

turns out sonia really likes screamo. sonia appears in some of her singles

ibuki loves gaming. she loves undertale. she loves minecraft. she loves lis. chiaki introduces her to a ton more games. 

she also loves bandori and love live

also she’s online friends with sayaka and gets SO excited when she finds out she’ll be her underclassman next year

she loves sailor moon. and naruto

before chisa was teacher she skipped class a lot basically bc she got so BORED of waiting for kizakura all the time. so she just went back to her dorm and practiced her instruments and thought about how gay she was 

her hair is dyed & she probably wears contacts but i couldnt tell u what her natural colors are(also her eyebrows are drawn on. she makes them Pink for Aesthetic. probably shaved them like jenna marbles)

but if u were to guess you’d probably say dark, dark brown or dark teal. maybe her eyes are silver? blue? purple? only peko and mikan know!

ibuki really misses chiaki when she dies :~( plays a lot of games in her memory and cries about it a whole lot and feels really guilty for some reason and then when she finds out that souda, chihiro & miu worked 2gether to make chiaki a new Robot Body w/ her information from the game ibuki cries a whole lot and hugs chiaki and is a real melodramatic mess (thank u to @tenkolesbian and that one fic i read for the inspiration of this hc)

diys a lot of her clothes. also has a ton of merch and fashion from hot topic

her room is kind of. a mess. peko & mikan help her clean it once a week or so

loves trying funky new hair styles!!! Braids!! Pigtails!!!! Buns!!!! every now and then she’ll go get a new thing of hair dye and then everyone begs her to change it back bc she looks so strange

really lovey dovey & touchy... she likes to kiss her girlfriends and cuddle with them and have any excuse to be close. She likes to steal pekos glasses as an excuse to kiss her nose before giving them back & she likes to kiss mikans birthmark

a surprisingly good cook? obviously not shsl worthy or else teruteru wouldnt exist but she lovesss cooking, especially baking. she loves domestic life in general. sign her up

also loves to travel. likes to go to concerts and cons. likes to go to carnivals. just get her out of the house!!!

her relationship with peko & mikan is really healthy for her gfs bc she encourages them to go out of their comfort zone while respecting their boundaries and reassures them that their trauma & mental illness dont define them, and help them cope with their issues.

will chiaki join the party?!?! stay tuned bc maybe ill make chiaki hcs

has no volume or impulse control

im so sorry this became SO long but ibuki is the best sdr2 character

[riskeith]

HIIIIIII!!!!! omg!! it is i feel like i just sent my message minutes ago hehe, i’m so happy!

she is always cute you’re right!! honestly if i had to pick a fave character it would be her i love paimon soo much. her dialogue is always so entertaining. we don’t know anything about her we just saved her from drowning and she devoted her life to us. what a great gal. fun fact, i have the wolf’s gravestone sword on my original acc and all i need is diluc to have the most powerful dps.. can you imagine 😳

OH RIGHT omg.. tiny buzz haired cluna how could i forget. damn i guess you’ll have to take mine then 😔 rip. but i’m not complaining at All. does depop exist in aus? it’s a buy/sell thrift store app that has amazing things. if you don’t have any thrift store or secondhand stores i imagine that depop would work great. aside from being environmentally conscious there’s also a great amount of interesting looking clothes hehe. damn this sounds like a sponsorship hshskshsk. anyway check it out! YOU DID? but dark academia is like... slow songs bass boosted? AND OFC I HAVE and now that you mention it i can see that, those truly were academia vibes. (shskdhsk my school is very posh in that sense so i guess i just applied that to my own personal style)

it must be so annoying, like can you even eat those days after getting it? omg you should!! an ear full of piercings is a look tbh. especially since you have short hair too. I DO HAVE TATTOOS one on each wrist. i’ll show you some day i promise.. heh.. ;) i can give you hints of what they are; there’s a pokémon game called ___ and ____, guess! and yeah hopefully i’m getting one soon, i want to get a quote but i’m not sure what yet. that’s a very valid concern like you get to spend the rest of your life with your tattoos and it should be something you enjoy looking at and feel happy with jdjdkd.

there’s more than the two ruin guards? like i know there’s the guard and the other type i can’t remember... is there more? fuck... and yeah!! or making vines grow to captivate the enemy? or something like that? pretty cool.

BUBBLE TEA IS MY FAVORITE DRINK (even more than tea and coffee) i’m soooo obsessed with it cluna you have no idea. we don’t have a lot, literally one in the whole city, and they don’t make them that well but i’m still obsessed. have you ever tried coconut milk flavor? that’s my favorite aside from the basic tea one. wbu?

oooh! that’s valid! makeup is very time and money consuming to say the least. some brands literally want a limb for a lipstick so. and it’s easy to get obsessed and to want to spend more and more money to get products yikes. and yeah i do wear makeup when i leave the house. i used to have a lot of fun with it when i first started out but now i can’t bother to ‘explore’ anymore. i just do my basic routine and go on with my day. i have considered not using it as much bc i don’t find it fun anymore tbh. :// i just hate being so dependent on it, yk?

(AAAH??!! OK oh my gosh...... will do. god why did my heart just start racing i’m so nervous yet excited eee.)

oh, hopefully i get to hear from you again! biggest mwaaaah from yours truly <3

ikr what is happening today.. we’re just rapid firing back and forth ahaha

wow paimon the real mvp.. YOU HAVE WOLF GRAVESTONE ON YOUR OTHER ACC??? omg your luck.... i can imagine!! manifesting for u hfskjfd 

oh it does apparently... but that requires meeting up w people if you don’t wanna pay postage yeah? that shit makes me so mf anxious hhhhhhhhhhhhh. HAAHAHAH could you get me a sponsorship too 🤪 it is slow songs bass boosted???? i thought... im trynna think back now and i cannot remember.. i guess the vibes were too immaculate for me to care hfsdhkjs. i also tried to put in some hp vibes and i would’ve made it a hp au if not for the fact i know nothing about lore and shit.. (i lowkey want bakugou to be in ravenclaw which i know is very not normal sorting hfksjdhfksd. but could you imagine?) ((ooooooh fancy!! must be nice walking around and seeing everyone dressed up ahaha))

AREN’T ALL POKEMON GAMES ___ AND ____ FHSDKJHSKDFJS (i used X and Y as placeholders first and then realised.. isn’t taht literally a game too) but im guessing sword and shield!! wait did you use that just to give a hint or did you actually get it for the pokemon game hfksjdf. oooo a quote! bringing it back to roa AGAIN the author has said people have gotten The quote from the fic tattooed and honestly,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i get it.

dragonspine has a new one!! idk if you’ve run into it yet? and the other one is called the ruin hunter lolol i. >:( angery at that one

:o!!!!!! rip omg..... never thought that i should be grateful for the 87583459 new boba shops popping up every other week. and ripppp no that sucks! i hope you get to try some real good ones some day!! and i’m sure i have.. i really like coconut! and i do like bubble tea but only the tea and not really the bubble? FDJHFKJSHFKDSJHS like they always put too many pearls for my liking and i can never finish them yikes...

yeah that really sucks :((( the beauty industry is a shithole LMAO (omg lmao beauty influencer youtube... the drama and apology videos fhks). hoping you find a happy balance with it/are able to become more independent from it soon!! <33

(FHJFHDSKJ im so excited too....... !!!!!!!) 

hugssssss!!! 🥰🥰🥰

[askguyslikeus]

oh shit yall send lots of questions hoo nelly answering almost all of them under the cut ,,, im gunan try and answer more technical ones first then fun ones and ones about the mod later so u dont gotta scroll all the way to the bottom for the good deets

Hi! I'm still kinda new to the blog and I was wondering what are the 'do and do-not' kind question I should do? Because im sure theres always that one ask thats just Innapropiated, like that one of Michael 'taking advantage og high Jeremy' that was just not cool.  i got this ask a lot so ill be clear with yall. im just not a big angst fan? so sending michael asks about his anxiety nonstop and about how he had a panic attack in the bathroom over and over again wasnt that fun. usually if it pertains the musical though you should be find sending an ask about it? but sometimes i get asks that are like “jeremy ur nothing and how does it feel knowing u fucked everything up” like homie how i think its feels? how u think hes gunna react to that? i made this blog to negate a lot of negativity in my own life so i can promise u im going to be answering asks mostly positive always forever. that being said tho i sometimes get asks pertaining to a few things that ive dealt with in the past and these topics make me very very uncomfortable. dont send asks about these topics please. this is the no no list

-self harm, cancer, suicide, rape, parent death, car accidents, sudden death.

What was your inspiration for this blog? hoo boy well,,, ultimately i thought of them rooming together and got emotional and made a huge list of headcanons and was like ,,, why not run an askblog for a bit ill just abandon it after three asks lets have some fun. but somehow im still here and i got sucked in by the complexity of michael and jeremy. i know that sounds kinda silly but just, as someone who is dealing with a lot of similar things, like dependency issues and abandonment issues and depression and anxiety, having these fun functioning character to explore was such a gift for me. i believe honestly thats why im still here and doing this. being able to try and portray a healthy relationship and a healthy way of coping and growing has helped me a lot this past month and given me an outlet i didnt have before. TBH THO the main reason i made this blog if imma be real with u guys id because i didnt like the treatment of a lot of these issues in the fandom. it made me very upset to see depression used as an plot device and michaels dependency issues treated as romantic so i wanted to make a blog that had little to no angst. ANYWAYS somehow im still here ,,, gvrkjvrnkjfd sorry i rambled

honestly I just wanna say first that I love his blog and your art and you're so cool and kind!! a question would be (I'm not sure if you've answered this before or not) but is there like an on going story here, or is it mostly just answering questions with the characters set in this universe? (if that makes sense I'm sorry!) thank you, you're super awesome! ❤️  djrnjg first off thank u so much aaaa,, ive kind of answered this before but its ok its been a while since then! but um i do kinda have a story but how howdy i sure am dragging my feet. the story isn a hUGE OVERARCHING EPIC OF WOE AND THIS PERSON IS UPSET AND THIS PERSON IS MAD AT THIS PERSON its just michael and jeremy getting together. i have a plan and ive talked to a few people on how i want it to happen but ive gained like ,,,, 6,000 followers since then and im kinda nervous BUT ILL DO MY BEST but also please understand that i do this for fun for myself and if i dont get to it im so so so sorry woops

i know this has been said before but i'm really really happy w how you're handling so many aspects of their characters. i.e. michael being trans, michael and jeremy's anxiety, michael's dependency issues, and other stuff i'm too tired to think of. you made the characters have even more depth than they did in the play and i'm rly grateful for the way you're dealing w my favorite boys. (also your richjake is suuuper adorable) ahhhhhh thank u so much? i talked a bit about this on my main but im really glad people are happy with my decision on this blog because im suPER SUPER NERvous anytime i post an ask dealing with these things. (ask hachi or nate i always message them like freaking out and send them my scripts and asks and wait for them to tell me its ok before i post it omg) also like i talked about before i love,,, having these fun stoner gamer boys to explore these issues with. im honestly shocked by how many people also deal with dependency issues because when i first listened to the musical i was so overwhlemed by the song michael int he bathroom because i had never heard someone basically write “dependency issue: the song” and it felt so so so good to realize i wasnt alone in this pit of despair i fall into so easily aha. but im!! glad everyone is ok with this wild ride im on right now (also thank u so much i struggle writing rich and jake but i get so emotional cause they would TOTES call each other babe)

how come you just use sketch form for most of your drawing (sketches and uses sketch for the final result)? im ,,, not really sure what this is asking but i thnk its along the lines of why do i only sketch my answers?? and i do that because dude do u see how often i post and how lONG some of them are. i made this blog for fun and i love doing comics but i hate lineart and coloring and if i tried to churn out finished pics for every post id defs have given up a few asks in,, shrugs

I want to say I love your little comics they're so funny! How long does it take you to make a comic? Are any of them based on your experiences? Ok have a nice day!  thank you! i love my little comics too! it usually takes me anywhere from an hour to five hours if im dragging my ass or talking on discord while im drawing. it can be kinda exhausting but since i took my break ive also been like, starting long comics one day and finishing them another day which, before i would do it all in one sitting then post it hahha. AS FOR EXPERIENCE the first half of the lifeguard comic was based on real life! we were stuck stoned up there for like an hour or two? but we didnt have anyone to help us but we got down eventually!! the wendys comic is also something i did because man!! i need to compliment food workers if they do a good job!! ummmmm just like jenna i also have a friend that said HAHA BYE and moved to cali and she is also lIVING IT UP and doing really well for herself and shes very independent and shes very inspiring to me! hmm i think thats it besides i used to have movie nights with my dad all the time too except we would watch my fave animated movies and sometimes lord of the rings cause my dad loved that

What kinds of things can we NOT ask ? What kinds of things do you WANT us to ask ? i covered the what not to ask in the first question so!!! um if my askbox is open and u want to respond to previous asks ive answered for the boys that would be so so so rad. sometimes im done with a certain ask and i have nothing to add but sometimes ive got more to say but am looking for an opportunity! that being said it made me really happy that i got a lot of asks about pj? shes not going to the main focus of any more asks but!!! i was nervous to introduce her and im glad u guys like her shes fun to write. but overall just general asks i can make a big ol fun story out of so!! dont worry too much about what to ask, if its something ud ask a real person and not like “lol what if ur dad died” ur gunna be fine probably

Hi! Not a question but your blog is so sweet and refreshing! I actually really appreciate that you refuse angst, that stuff tends to rub me the wrong way in fandoms... Keep taking good care of these boys ! gggg thank u!!! it means a lot to me that a lot of people are backing me up on this! i mean if u are an angst fan there are a lot of askblogs that explore that!! so its not in short supply bmc askblog fandoms got something for everyone

Which drawing program do you use?? i use paint tool sai and my tablet is a cintiq !!

this isn't really related to the faq but that bakunawa boy reference was great I LOVE THAT FIC MAN!!! the line was originally a little diff in that ask but i changed it cause ,,,, i could,,,,

an art style question. how do you keep the design of characters consistent from frame to frame? my characters they look a lil different every time I draw em (or a lot different) and it tends to disrupt the flow of my comics/animations ohh boy hoo wee props for doing animations im too scared to give that a whirl but!! it helps that i draw all the panels for an ask on one canvas! so if my next panel is going to be the same character in the same spot just in a diff pose i keep the lower layer on just at low opacity so i can use it as a ref! that helps me a lot!

Sorry if I'm nosy or rude, but are you reflecting Micheal Anxiety, Panic attacks and depence? iii think this is asking if i reflect my own issues onto them boys? and if so then yes i do. i dont place any of my own personality or anything on the boys but i do use them as a way to help me learn how to cope with my own shit and i try to deal with their issues in the healthiest way possible while also keeping in mind they are flawed individuals aaa

what are your pronouns??? and maybe your main blog??  im a cis girl so she/her is good! and my main is squigglegigs! also that being said IF YOU SEE THE USERNAME SQUIGGLEGIGS ANYWHERE JUST?? ASSUME ITS ME?? i have a twitter and an instagram and my tumblr account 

((Hello mod will Michael and Jeremy eventually someday get together. I love them.)) if all goes according to plan yes! if i get overwhelmed and stop having fun on this blog then no! sorry thems the breaks but! i do want them to get together so HOPEFULLY

going off on that confrience on pornogrefy for birds, Im geussing jeremy has played Hatoful Boyfriend. am I wrong? well it wasnt intended as that ref and i dont know anything about hatoful boyfriend but i can see jerm finding it and playing it so, sure homie! the pornography for birds thing is a my brother my brother and me reference! i love that show and them boys so give it a scope!

I'm crying bcuz Michael said he's in love with Jeremy and it's beautiful yeah that boy is DEEP IN love with his bro bro

Any advice for running an ask blog?? (Ps i love this blog keep it up) personally whats worked for me so far is doing just sketches for art. honestly ive been able to work so much more and post so much more often while also trying to work on my expressions and poses! also taking my own experiences and shaping them to fit the characters has been SO MUCH FUN. th most important thing tho is,,, dont overwork urself dude. if ur having a fun time it shows. if ur just forcing urself to churn out material and its not fun? like shit we doing this for free dont push urself? idk idk overall being looser with my art and writing the dialogue before hand has been the most helpful for me for this askblog! ive run a bunch before including @ask-maz and ive run that sporadically for ,, three or four years? its so funny cause u can see my art style juMP AROUND SO MUCH but i love that blog and i only update it like every other month or so but?? i still like doing it and no on likes those posts but it makes me smile so ANYWAYS

~ok from here on its mostly just me replying to nice messages or people asking me personal questions that dont pertain to askguyslikeus so!!~

I just wanted to say I really really love your blog and just your art in general!! Keep up the good work and hope you're having fun! thank u!!! i am having fun and im glad u enjoy it!!

What other musicals do you like? :0  i really like heathers A LOT. i also like doctor horrible i know thats not technically a musical but i just relistened to it and im emotional. i like dear evan hansen but it makes me really sad so i can only take it in moderation! ummm rent? chicago?? music man? now im just naming musicals i was in rip. being in a musical fandom is a new thing to me? i was really into heathers last year but didnt really interract with the fandom at SO THIS IS SUPER NEW?? ive never been into a musical as much as im into bmc and heathers tho

tell us a little bit about urself!! u seem v cool i am squigs or fork!! im 24 and work fulltime as a barista at starbucks! i get high on the beach with my friend gwen a lot and drink wayy to many slushies, my tv shows are brooklyn nine nine and bobs burgers right now! i table at conventions sometimes and sell my art as merch and whatnot and i cosplay as a hobby as well. im pretty boring but i draw a lot and always carry my big sketchbook with me and im pretty sure its given me back issues BUT OH WELL HAHA also i am very not cool THE TRUTH COMES OUT

Who do you most relate to from bmc and why? like ,,, a mix of michael and christine with a sprinkle of jeremy i guess ahaha i relate to michaels dependency issues and overarching positive attitude and love of music, i relate to christines bright disposition and the need to not stick to one set thing? like she loves theater cause she can be sO MANY PEOPLE and like same homie thats why i cosplay. and jeremys need to be likes while also ability to put himself out there is very relatable. i also identify strongly with his dad issues idk idk whats good

Also -- just thank you for how you handled all the panic attack and anxiety attack asks. I used to deal with anxiety attacks multiple times a day and it just was really nice that it was positive and not them having one. Thank you, sincerely. ahhhhhh ur so welcome i,,, have anxiety and it sucks and i deal with panic attacks like everyday at work so i dont really wanna come home and draw someone having one i guess? im glad its helping other people too tho!

Dude- I love your art? Actually so much? It's... I love it. The whole sketch-ish way your art style is, and the way you color, and the expressions! I'm so glad I found your work - you've given me so much inspiration. Keep doin what you're doin and I hope you have a good day! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANytime any one compliments my expressions i die cause i legit made this blog to help with that as well ,,, like dam

im lvoe ur art style b o i :0 !!!!!!

Mod, I love you so much I love you you have my soul and my love and my eternal gratitude thank you and I love you (This is the guy who was excited about PJ on your ig live stream a while ago and I love you) !!!!!!!!! im so happy u like my content omg and that u like pj im so glad!! shes a good bean

I just wanna say... I'm crying over that post about Michael and his anxiety? cuz I know how it can feel that you're only your flaws and weaknesses, but Michael just tells that to screw off in the most wonderful way and I'm?? thank you so much for that post, I bookmarked it for future times when I can't look past my depression... honestly, that post made my day (along with every other post on this blog), thank you for being such a lovely part of this fandom ,,,, im,,,, im scared of a lot of this fandom tbh but if i can be something good that come out of it and my love of these boys and desire to show them functioning together in a healthy way can help other people its so much more than i ever thought id ever be able to do. i am blown away everyday by the support ive been given on this blog and i might be crying right now because i never thought id be able to touch other people like this and i just. im really glad yall are here with me for all this.

(To the mod: You are a beautiful person that I highly respect. I love this blog and what you set out to do. thanks for giving something that makes me smile and gives me something to look forward to everyday, keep up the good work! ❤ ) hey im still crying from the previous ask aaaaa im honestly so emotional

what are ur true feelings for wendy's??? i fucking love wendys man thats some top tier fast food right there

what fast food restaurant do you think has the best nuggets WENDYS HANDS DOWN

do you have a favorite movie? paranorman makes me very nostalgic and ive seen it like eighty times and used to watch it with my dad a lot and i love it

I would just like you to know that your Wendy's comic prompted me to pull the same thing with a bakery in the town I'm visiting and the baker got so excited and happy, so thank you for making that comic because I made that woman's day. GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME WHEN IM WORKING DUDE LIKE IM SO GLAD IT MADE U DO THIS!!! IM SMILING REALLY BIG!!

chocolate milk or strawberry milk? or plain? woops i hate milk im so sorry

do u love michael mell with all of ur heart, mod?  i really truly do man what a fucking good ass character

hi squigs i love you! i love your content too and i hope u have a good day pal :>  WHAT A SWEET BEAN!!! THANK YOU?? OMG

I'm just saying that recent ask you did with Michael really hit me hard because I really related to it and I started crying because it made me realize that I've been pining my self worth on everything my anxiety causes and I'm so much more than that. Thank you, so much for that I really needed it because I'm in a really bad place right now. <3 -for the mod i legit cry everytime i get asks or dms like this cause once again the idea that im helping other people is so ovwehelming i love you??? i let myself just be”depressed” for ahwile and by that i mean i just,, let my sadness consume me and i was scared of getting better cause the sadness was all i knew for so long and just. its so easy to think u are ur illness but you are so much more. soooo much more man.

I relate A Lot to Michael so the way you portray him in the blog is really good, and I think it's really awesome you refuse to like?? do terrible stuff and answer bad questions just bc people wanna see that. You run this blog really well 👌  AHHHH THis is the biggest compliment thank u so much ,,, i get real anxious bout this blog soemtiems but then yall send me sweet things like this and its worth it man

Hey mod, just know you're a really cool person. Thanks for running this blog in the first place. Keep doing the great work.  thank you!!!! for ur support!!!! 

not really a question!! i just wanted to say your posts on this blog always brighten my day and you're really an incredible artist and person, keep rockin on my dude!! *clutching my heart* the fuck this is so sweet

1 .I just wanted to say your blog is really awesome! It's very lovely. I also like how you made michael trans and like handled it? (just with how all the characters treat him and stuff its v nice). Your art is super duper! Thanks for running this awesome blog! 2. Hey! This isn't a question but I wanted to say that I appreciate michael being trans!! As a trans boy it's just rly awesome to see something like that casually thrown into an ask blog without making it a huge weird deal :D immm,,, i kinda really love the idea of michael being trans cause a lot of my trans male friends are actually pretty confident in their skin and michael is a very confident character? and u rarely see that with trans representation and its so refreshing to see it portrayed well. im trying to do that here but again if! i do anything wrong let me know!

how did you first get into art? (also i really love your blog, it's amazing!) ive been drawing as long as i remember! ive got mad adhd and wasnt diagnosed until late in ym life so i would just draw nonstop in my classes ahaha i used to read the sunday comics a lot and they really inspired me to try and make comics of my own too!! (and omg thank u) 

someone also asked me if i went to church or was religious but tumblr ate the ask but i used to go to church a lot as a kid but im currently not religious at all aaa

ok holy shit that was a lot but thanks again to everyone i legit cry a lot about how supportive u all are thank u so much aaaa

[angel-nero]

11 questions...

I was tagged by @pureren @zaevran @glaspaladin @z-ayauitl and @kcgane ty so much !!! ♥

RULES: 1. Always post the rules 2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. Tag 11 people

my questions…

1. what’s the worst piece of clothing you own?

2. what’s the coolest piece of uh fashion that is so cool you can’t even wear to go out? lol

3.- what book have you read that you feel it has been the worst?

4.- What’s the healthiest meal you actually like?

5.- do you love keith kogane? (or vld keith lmfao what u prefer to use)

6.- something paranormal ever happened to you? if yea, what?

7.- do you get jealous easily? with who? (friends, popular ppl, talented ppl, the s/m)

8.- what’s the cutest thing you own?

9.- what are your favorite crisps?

10.- do you have a favourite drink?

11.- can you tell im hungry? what hobby you wish you liked or wish you did?

i tag: @kukinta​ @kittyr0se​ @heirith​ @liesfromsatansbuttcheeks​ @sheith-love-always​ @acequeenm​ @blessedkeith​ @lukaspatel​ @ke1th​ @ace-pidge​ @keith8​ but only if you want to!

TESSA’SS AND!! TAMI’S QUESTIONS1!!!

1.  Do you connect with people easily?

mmm, I don’t becos im a very quiet person and can be w u w/o talking at all and I get overwhelmed by convos I don’t care about also it’s kinda hard to win my trust and also interest lol. I’m nice tho, i mite not be enjoying myself but i’ll forev b nice w u.  

2. Did something good happen to you this week?

uH yeah, i’m doing things to improve my health, i did my uni exam, im frEE, i finally don’t have to go to rEliGIoUs classes aNYMORE and UH,,, i got a diet to win weight and its cool i get to eat ESQUITE LMFAO. i will see my bffs in friday and i have browney mix there i should bake but im lazy

3. What’s the personality trait that annoys you most in other people?

When people pretend to like something just 2 b friends w someone or ME, do you know we can be total dif and maybe still b friends if u cOOL. Ass kissers, hypocrisy, LIES LOL. I don’t like fake ppl at all.

4. If you could participate in any existing tv reality show, which one would you choose?

The ones where they change ur style and buy clothes for u 2 love urself and do ur hair and make up and buy u xpensive undies. I loved that crap when i was in secondary school lmao

5. What’s something you’re insecure about?

That I can’t be in one place without wanting tofuckin run, the fact that i can’t eat w ppl at all, that i have to go to the fucken gYM

6. What’s your favourite way to hang out with friends?

:’)) well,,, i go to my bff’s house or they come. If im fine then walk around my neighborhood cus it’s nice ahaha anxiety am i rite. oKAY, even if i get anxiety i like ice skating, or roller skating, i have a lot of fun. My friend want us to go to this pixies concert and im like :(( boo i love u

7. What’s your favourite fic trope?

lol idk,,,,, pining? mutual pining? no pining and they getting to know therngs im melttin sTOP idk…… it depends on whAT shIP. I just know i’ll read any fake dating of my otp. idk idk duuuude i legit don kno. It’s not a trope but i love crunchy feelings, showefjsid fksjnj its hard to talk about this im sOrry

8. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve liked in the past?

hahahahahaha my crush

9. What do you consider to be the best period of your life?

When I was 14. I went to parties more than i go to them now lol, i drank and smokkd w who where my best friends back theN i know it’s whack. we used to go to roller skate? all the damn time and did sleepovers and everything was funny, we practically lived together and my friend that was 16 drove us to places lmao,, everything was so good. but like, dont imagine me too wild i only smokd like 5 cigs in my life and hookah and we even broke one.

10. What do you consider to be the worst period of your life?

mpghgg, when i turned 15,,, in the middle of it everythin went to shit to the actual date. But im trying to change that

11. How did you meet your best friend?

I met her,,,, 11 years ago. Look, I usually have best friends in pack. I have 3 bffs at the moment, one of them sat next to me in 2nd year of primary school. IDK how i got to actually know my absolute bff tho but we did a lot of weird shit. we also met in the same classroom and she was my bff back then. The third one was also a frind but not so much during those years. Later i changed of classrooms and shit and bonded more when I was 14 w 6 friends and those r i did crazy shit w but we got separated and stopped talkin and they invited me to the club a week before my uni exam but i was high on meds and sick af. and never replied also going to meet em again at the club makes me nervous af tbH…. I have had a lot of super close friends in my life wTf. In my new school i have also 7 friends that r super close.And we’re also a pack of bffs. I actually had a hard time to use the word bestfriend lol, not bc of me havin a lot or anythin, i was just emo i guess

BEX’S QUESTIONS YOo

1. What’s the strangest nickname you’ve ever been given?

:))))))))))))))))))))))))) gabhole, gabaloney, TETI THAT SOUNDS LIKE TITTY. now ft Aztec secret 

2. Do you like to gossip?

UMMMMMM,, i dont like to listen to another ppl judging someone, I hate it and i normally tell them to stop. it depends i guess

3. Are you afraid of the dark? um,,, no but i dont like it lol

4.Have you ever been stung by a bee?

no, but i steppeddd on one. I also was pickin a tree and till this day i dont knoW wTF it was but i had something big in my middle finger and it fucken hurt like a bitch and i had A BALL on it UGHHHHH I HATE BUGS

Bigfoot or mothman? fucking none

Do you trust anyone with your life? i mean, idk

Do you have any habits you wish you could break? yEAH, to stop tweeting my mental breakdowns is one lmao. 

Would you go ghost/alien hunting? 

both tbh, who wants to break into abandoned houses w me, i live in front of one,,, i mean not so infront but in the row of houses infront of me lmao english whO? dude rosetta stoned by tool is my aesthetic, alien stuff. bex listen to it pls

Best pickup line? (you’ve heard or used on you/you’ve used)

u r the best chair *proceeds to sit on em* keith to shiro probably

Mint or fruit gum?

I dont like gum much cos it makes me hungry or thirsty. I also drink too much soda to fuck w mint stuff :(( say that to the mints i bought lol :( i only eat halls or gum bc im nerves w ppl so they stopped bein a thing i enjoy for me lol. i do that since im like,,, uh,,, idK 15. it fuckd my stomach

What do you want to be remembered for?

I mean if I have to pick and b unrealistic, for art maybe,,, or for the thing i end up working with, like architecture or somethin. Art, def art cus i like art so much

ZURI’S QUESTIONS!!!

1.-if you had to chose one thing to eat for the rest of your life what would it be? 

I MEAN THIS QUESTION IS THE DEVIL I GET TIRED OF EVERYTHING TO THE POINT I DONT WNAN EAT ANYTHING I WILL JUST IGNORE IT SSAYS ONE AND SAY MEXICAN FOOD

2.- what are you most afraid of? Mental illnes and being ill and living 

3.- do you have a favorite place to visit?

I mean,,,, i love walking in the center? centre? of my city bc is like going to another place. Is also fucking Cuba in there. Everyone says that, my dad asked a cuban marine he met if it was true and he said it was ‘’ the fackin same’’ So its like,,, travelling in time and places. also the beach and the port.

4.- what type of weather you enjoy the most?

I need the sun, otherwise i get sad… i like cloudy w sun. I just like to go out in the afternoon tho lol so like,,, sun pls so the sky can turn pinkish

5.- do you have a rare ability like dislocating your thumb or moving your eyes really fast?

i move my tongue real real fast and also can do the cherry knot thing and uh i can like, be aberrantly stupid too. hey but dont fuk w me and bother me 4 bein stupid, i will fist fite u and i mite b stupid but i will also mite think u r stupid if i don like u so fuk off. Dam,,, i get like, bothered so easy LOL like, think u r better than me and i’ll fist fite u LMFAO WHY THO I SUK, but like, if not bothered, i think of everyone as my equal… wow this was not the question

6.- do you think it would be easier to create one universal lenguage or an accurate translator? nO… dont delete culture like that,,, an accurate translator mite come in handy u kno but like, some languages have words that don’t exist in others so like :-/

7.- is there something that soothes you no matter what? um no i wish

8.- favorite piece of clothing? boots and thights

9.- is there a song stuck in your head right now? YEAH dig down by muse i love it, every1 says it sUCLks but i can’t stop listenin to it

10.- why is your favorite animal your favorite animal? i don play favs but i love the honey badger bc of this pleas fuckin watch it and THIS

11.- morning person or late riser? Oh,, i cant wake up to save my life so late riser

SUNNY’S QUESTIONS!!!

1. do you have any plushies? a LOT but im like,,, they r in my wardrobe and i luv em but like,,, they’re all gifts,,, did u kno one of my past bffs bought me a dino for christmas?

2. have you ever walked out the cinema before? 

Yeah, i love drive’s aesthetic and Ryan gosling a lot but is SO boring so idk if my friends and I got kicked out or we prefered to get out to talk haha. 

3. if you could have a mascot what would it be and why?

A CHINCHILLA, they’re a irl pokemon and they r so cUTE

4. what would your theme song be? kool thing, sonic youth maybe or is she weird by pixies. All Over the world by pixies too lol

5. do you have any phrases or sayings you find yourself coming back to often? not really, im so bad at remembering sayings and quotes

6what’s the nearest object to your right? a book called azul by ruben dario

7. would you rather live in the big city or out in the middle of nature? 

Big city forever. I love high? buildings a lot. I dont do that well in the rural life lmao 

8. are you working on any creative projects right now (fic/art/music/photography/ect) Nope at all and das sad cus i should b doing art lmao

9. what’s your favourite movie score? idk what is score… but the soundtrack of trainspotting is one of my favs… oh but score… aghgsdhaj any tarantino movie tbh or wes anderson movie… or before I disappear or demolition oR southpaw or the girl w the dragon tattoo

10. i say vol you say….? uuhhhhh,,,,,  vol….tron??? (ICONIC, I MELT, I LVOE HIM)