#i haaate writing when i have no words but all the motivation

[bedforddanes75]

waiiittt........ wait guess what......... cowboys....... this is disgustingly bad (i have reread this seven hundred thousand times please dont listen to me just tell me im amazing and then forget about any potential spelling and or grammar errors). k bye

[zwhoreo]

IM SO HAPPY TO HAVE FOUND AN X READER BLOG SPECIFICALLY FOR LUFFY hes my biggest comfort character and i never see a lot of ppl writing good content for him, so tysm ; v ; have u ever considered writing something about reader reacting to hancock’s fixation on luffy??? or like meeting her and how reader would react + how luffy would react in an au setting of having a girlfriend???!!! (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

you’re sooo sweet :��) I love writing for him sm I’m so glad I can be there for that <333

we’ll see how I did with this… hancock is a very important character to me and I haaate when luffy x readers villainize her. so I tried my best to be respectful in this fic and try something kinda different…

meeting boa hancock - luffy x f!reader

angsty fluff… mostly centered around you and hancock

summary: when you and luffy need to fight by hancock’s side in battle, you’re terrified of what might happen if she finds out you two are together. But, as you soon discover, you can find friendship in the most unlikely places.

words: 2.5k

________________________

Your wrist is sprained. It’s not your hand you use to wield your cutlass, thankfully, but the pain is hard on you, you’re ashamed at your inability to deal with pain, in comparison to your crewmates who sacrifice so much. You can’t climb sheer cliffs or take swords to the chest. Your body is weak, you fear, you don’t think you could handle taking on a crewmate’s pain, although you like to think you would try, because you’d risk your life for them. Right now you can barely handle a sprained wrist, made worse by the humiliation of a capture by the Black Dove Pirates, when your loving boyfriend had to battle to save you.

The Black Doves are led by, well, Black Dove, a horrific man with a mysterious zoan-type devil fruit giving him the abilities of a kraken, massive, lethal tentacles capable of sinking ships. Restraining himself from a passionate fight, Luffy’s top priority was getting you to safety, you and your sprained wrist, you had tried to fight, after all.

But now the Black Doves have declared war, leaving you and the crew terrified of an unmatched battle with the notorious pirates and their mythical captain. But Luffy had a friend to call, a powerful friend, someone he told you was someone you could count on, that you had nothing to worry about now.

Boa Hancock.

You knew of her, of course, and you were thankful for the surprising alliance, until you remembered what Luffy had said, when he said it far too casually, that Hancock wanted to marry him.

You’re overcome with anxiety at not only the imminent battle with the Black Doves, but at the thought that you were in danger from all sides, the wrath Hancock would bring down on you if she ever found out you and Luffy were together.

In the heat of battle Luffy has often held your hand and given you angry kisses when he can. It’s a comfort for him, it gives him strength and motivation, it reassures him that you’re safe in his arms. He calls you pet names and hugs you and always makes sure he knows where you are, making sure you’re ok. But he can’t this time. You plead and beg him not to even though he doesn’t seem to understand why, really. He’s disappointed, but you assure him that before and afterward you’d get a special night together to make up for the stolen closeness.

_______________________

The rest of the crew are set to battle the titanic kraken guarding the gates of Dove’s hellish mountain island domain. A sneak attack is your only option but they didn’t make this easy. It would be you and Hancock against the top men of the crew, and Luffy would battle Dove. You aren’t confident in your abilities, you wonder why you’re here alongside two of the most powerful people of the seas, but Luffy wants you close, maybe. And he thinks this fight will be no problem, even though you tell him you have a sprained wrist and you’ll just drag everyone down.

And as soon as she sees you, the instant your eyes meet, Hancock despises you. Her gaze is deadly and cold, and even though you try to put distance between you and Luffy your very existence triggers pangs of jealousy within the empress.

Luffy, although largely oblivious to why, can sense the tension and he hates it. He wants you all to be friends, be a team. When you and Hancock stand in silence, staring at each other on the rocky shore, he complains, “c’mon! Lessgo!” with anxiety in his voice. And he holds both of your hands and pulls you two along behind him, making you and Hancock both blush, Hancock is transported to another more comforting world in that moment but you are so wracked with nerves that every sense around you becomes overwhelming and far too much.

You look at Luffy with begging eyes when he squeezes your hand and not Hancock’s, although she doesn’t seem to notice.

The three of you run up the jagged black-stone path into a bombed-out looking castle, you gingerly survey the landscape as crew members lay drunk on whiskey, passed out and unbothered by lightning flickering overhead. You came at the perfect time.

Before running off to find Dove, Luffy is about to lean in for a kiss when you dodge and shoot him a look. Which immediately makes you sad, because Luffy looks upset when he turns his back and heads off into a brutal fight that awaits him. It’s your biggest fear that you’ll lose him, made worse by imagining your last interaction as one of sadness, but you feel Hancock’s malicious eyes on you and there’s nothing you can do.

You hear a shout, suddenly, echoing through the ruins. A crew member has heard you, an axe wielding menace with glassy white eyes. Hancock whips her head around and immediately tries to turn him to stone, but the man is blind, you both realize. It’s no use.

“I’ll take him, just go!” you shout at her, the first real words you’ve said. And Hancock glowers at you and focuses her attention elsewhere, because the crew has been alerted. And Dove has risen, you see, coming face-to-face with Luffy and towering above him at what seems like at least twelve feet. Black tentacles begin forming from his massive, muscular frame and an evil smirk spreads across his face.

Your heart leaps into your throat for Luffy’s safety but you have other things to worry about. The axe wielding monster swings at you and you manage to dodge, drawing your cutlass. It’s a harsh and desperate battle, your movements still clouded by worry which makes the throbbing in your wrist worse, but it’s when you lead the sightless beast to a precipice that you trick him and let him fall to his death on the rocks far below. You’ve slayed your first Black Dove pirate, but there’s many more and you need to dive head first into war.

You’re amazed by Hancock, really. At a snap of her hands half an army turns to stone. Her control of haki is like nothing you’ve seen before, her sharp, quick intelligence adjusting at a moment’s notice to other forms of attack. She does all of this in heels, in a graceful dress, beautiful raven hair flying in the wind as she fights with all her heart. You find yourself envying her, her jealousy over you nearly matched by your own.

But she still kicks crew members out of her way and towards you with no real regard for your safety. She still hates you, just for being a woman on Luffy’s crew. Even though you’d done nothing wrong.

Despite Luffy’s best efforts, he’s smashed into the sharp stone by a tentacle and struggles to stand again, groaning and coughing. Dove sees his crew in danger and wants to make quick work of the two women disturbing the peace on his island.

There is too much evil in his heart for Hancock to turn him to stone. And his tentacles are too fast for her, she’s cornered, now, on a cliff and Dove is going to knock her into the ocean. At the speed of light the inky tentacles come, taking advantage of Hancock’s momentary stillness in her sinking terror and desperation, and how she sees Luffy on the ground and screams in worry and is distracted for a precious instant. But before she’s sent falling to her death, she’s knocked from the side, slammed onto the ground and tumbling, held in your arms, down an incline and into the remnants of a turret. Dove can’t reach you from here, giving Luffy enough time to resume his fight.

You had grabbed Hancock and pushed her desperately to safety, you had saved her, and now you both lie there in the dark on the dirty stone floor, all bruises and ripped clothes.

Your head rests on her chest, neither of you have caught your breath enough to get up. And from here you can hear her heart pounding furiously in your ear, she’s scared and curled in on herself.

You roll off of her, slowly sitting up, looking over at her as she rests sprawled on the ground.

She feels your eyes on her and sits up, face contorted with warring emotions. Her lips are set in a firm scowl. She’s staring at you but you see past the malice and now she looks like a scared animal desperate to survive.

“Are you ok?” you say gently, reaching for her hand.

She yanks it away from yours and scoots back against the wall. “Yes! I’m fine…” she hisses defensively.

But she’s clutching her wrist. And she may have just hurriedly wiped tears out of her eyes.

Before you can say anything else, she leaps up and runs to a window, scanning the battlefield for Luffy. Her hands grip the cold brick. She’s shaking slightly.

“Are you worried about him?” you ask quietly, standing up and walking towards her slowly.

“Where is he?” Her voice is quiet now. Images of Luffy’s battered body flash in her mind and you can see the same sickness within her that you feel, a worry over someone you love so deeply. The jealousy and fear of her leaves your mind and is replaced by one thought alone.

Poor girl.

“He’s going to be ok, I promise.” You place a hand on her shoulder making her flinch, but she doesn’t pull away this time.

She doesn’t say anything. But she’s still scared.

So you say, “hey, princess, I’m scared too. But… all we can do is hope and keep ourselves safe now, right? We did what we could. We brought down an army for him.”

She pauses again, head down. Until she murmurs, “…Hancock.” Another pause. “You can call me Hancock.”

You smile. You sit again and she follows your lead. “You really love him, huh?”

“…Yes. Of course I do.” A tiny tear forms in her eye again, even though her voice is still hard and cold. “…Sometimes I don’t understand how anyone can’t be.”

So you think very carefully for a moment, before telling her, “I understand. He’s the kindest person I’ve ever met, he’s…”

“He’s perfect.”

“Yeah, that.”

And even though jealousy still blooms in her icy heart, Hancock feels herself soften. She doesn’t feel like sustaining her mirage anymore right now. The fear and the tears and the confusing comradery chipping away at her evil façade and now she’s just so, so tired all of a sudden. “[Name,] right?” she says under her breath.

“Yeah.”

“You really think he’ll be ok?”

“He always is.” And without Zoro or Nami there to reprimand you about trust, you take up the role instead, squeezing Hancock’s shoulder and saying, “have faith in him. Worrying’s not gonna help any of us right now.”

She nods, tightening her lips. And then, all of a sudden, she bursts into tears and hugs her knees to her chest, hair falling over her face.

“Hey, Hancock!” You slide closer to her. “Please don’t cry, he’s going to be safe…”

“No!” she hisses, gritting her teeth, “I… I don’t know where Salome is. I want Salome. Everything’s falling apart!”

“…Salome?”

“My snake!” she cries, sniffing and wiping her nose.

“Don’t worry about that either, ok? I’m sure she’s alright, it’s all gonna be over soon… just don’t cry…”

And now here’s something you weren’t prepared for, Hancock leans her head against your shoulder. Her sobbing quiets. She grows still. You smile, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“It’s gonna be ok,” you whisper again, “hey, can I see your wrist?”

And she places her hand in yours. You lift her pale, slender wrist and notice swelling just beneath the palm. You recognize this, you know it well.

You start to laugh, and her stare grows a little icy again. “What?” she snaps.

“You sprained your wrist. Here, look…” You raise yours next to hers. Your swelling parallels each other, you’re even more alike, now. You’re matching.

“We’re matching. I sprained mine too.”

She smiles. This is the first time you’ve made her smile. She even laughs a little, very lightly, her heart feels like it’s being squeezed, but by a warm hand, not by a cold claw.

You sit with her, and talk sometimes, until you hear Luffy calling your names. Hancock stands up and dashes out of the turret, running to find him, and he stands proudly although his body is weakened. Dove has fallen. You’re all ok. Hancock hugs Luffy and then hugs Salome, who is curled beside him. She looks happy, which makes you happy, too.

And then Luffy pulls you into a hug. You don’t care anymore, you just want to hug him, and Hancock got a hug so you get one too. You squeeze Luffy so tightly and you don’t want to let go, his warmth and scent soothing your body, his strong arms wrapped around you and his hands rubbing your back. You’re very nervous he’s going to try to kiss you but he doesn’t, like he promised, he knows he’ll have time for all of that later.

The kraken is gone and everyone is waiting for you at the bay. Hancock is tearful when she has to part with Luffy and, strangely, she is for you too.

“Come to me whenever you need! I’ll always be there for you!” she promises Luffy, her voice going up an octave when she talks to him. And then, before she leaves for her ship, she turns to you. “[Name…] I hope we’ll meet again.” Her smile is gentle, but very real.

“Me too!” You call out to her, following Luffy away, back to the Sunny, amazed at the events of the day, full of happiness and relief and still a slight stinging from your wrist but love can heal almost anything, at least a little bit.

And maybe deep in her heart, Hancock knows. The way you and Luffy look at each other, your soft voices, the way he walks close to you and how it seems like he’s always ready to lean in for a hug. It pulls at the back of her mind. A sting of pain. But she’s good at pushing these things away.

She’s just so happy that she made a friend today.

[skythealmighty]

I'm just gonna answer these outright, cause I'm bored. (The questions are in italic so nobody has to scroll back up)

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting? I tend to write in either Arial if I'm lazy, Caladea because it's a really pretty font (especially in italics), Cinzel Decorative (it's the closest to Papyrus on Docs), or Comic Sans. Comic Sans is the font of my inner thoughts.

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil? Maybe eventually, but not all at once- my hands would hurt too much. I don't write everything by hand, but when I do, pencil.

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed? I tend to listen to playthroughs of games while I write, I guess. I get distracted easily, so it's easy to have something to turn to and then immediately back from. I don't think it's that cursed though, I just have ADHD. On the other hand, I cannot go on call when writing. I don't get anything done.

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral? Orbs. I hate it. I hate it soooo much. If a fanfic says "orbs" I am instantly turned off unless it's in context of a wizard pondering an orb… but it's usually not.

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true? Yep! Try to get in the mindset of your character when you write them, even if it's from the opposite perspective. Also, if you can't think of any banter… try and imagine it's you and your friends, it helps a lot.

6. What is your darkest fear about writing? That I get ridiculed for it.

7. What is your deepest joy about writing? When people find joy in what I write!

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go? Dialogue. I have written chatfic, you know!

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know Theoretically, yes- scientifically, no. It's a great story point, though!

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you? Yes. It's often a fic I've started but not done anything with yet, or a fic I started, posted, then abandoned. Usually just means I'm guilty about not writing more.

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve? No. I do not kill my favorites, I only traumatize them.

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules Number one would be that I could focus more while writing, number two would be that I could keep motivation for periods at a time, and the last wish would be that I was better at writing worldbuilding.

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy? I haaate action. I'm terrible at it... least for now. I'm best at description and banter.

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back? Not really, but if they asked, I would. No not really either. Um.. usually I'm the ones who steal them from schools accidentally.

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends? No, not really- I used to, though. Occasionally. NO. I don't like getting my books wet, but if there were waterproof ones I would totally. No, I don't judge people who do this. Yes, of course we can be friends!

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark? Uh... a pipe cleaner? Mostly just paper scraps, though.

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text. It was inspired by me thinking of one of my favorite lyrics from Jubilee Line while in a Great Wolf Lodge waterpark? I really can't say anymore than that other than I'm planning out the top 20 heroes, their names, mild backstory and powers. It's exhausting.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage. "He rubbed his hand along the ribbon attached to him with a weak magnet (not nearly strong enough to affect him at all). He'd tried to throw it away, to tear it apart and leave it in the garbage, but he ended up not being able to do it. He knew why he couldn't bring himself to, but he denied it. He couldn't admit that he'd gotten attached, that he'd gone soft, that he was vulnerable." This is from a snippet I wrote about Evil Computer getting attached to a character and denying it but in an angsty way because the character dies. Can't say much more because spoilers, eventually. :)

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going? I started in middle school, thanks to a really nice teacher of mine. Previously, I had absolutely despised writing- but she showed me how to enjoy it. Now, I write for fun almost constantly, and I'm working on a really ambitious project! I'm so glad I had her as a teacher.

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch The WIP. I'm like, 90% sure I'm ace, and I have best friends, anyway.

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not? No, no, and because it brings joy to me.

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud? Usually, not very. I just write in Docs a lot. For one story that was kind of multiple-choice, I drew out a map on a giant piece of paper!

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture. Usually I do it downstairs in the corner of the TV room with headphones on. I sit on the ottoman with my computer on a TV tray in front of me, with shelves mostly filled with carnival glass next to me and beside the TV. There's a couch parallel to the TV that my brother usually sits on, and a table in front of it that's usually very full of things, and under the table are seats that you can open and use as storage. The table is gray, the couch is brown- the color of warm coffee, and the seats are a tealish blue.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it? Usually not at all, I just start writing and go ham. Lately though I have been worldbuilding a lot, and it's great fun!

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story? Bryce Hansen is thalassophobic!

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place? I just get in the mindset? I really don't know how to explain it. To get out, I tend to listen to music, and I never regret going in there- even if I do end up crying a bit.

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why? Canon Tommy Innit. This child has issues.

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why? PAPYRUS! HE'S SO SWEET.

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry? I have ~no idea~ for both of them! :D

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up? I don't remember my dreams a lot. No, no, and no.

31. Write a short love letter to your readers. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING MY SHIT EVEN THOUGH I ALMOST NEVER FINISH ANYTHING. I OWE YOU GUYS THE WORLD.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you? “Tweet tweet, motherfucker.” from Recognized by AgentIanLegend. It's hilarious. I found it going through Danny Phantom crossovers, and what it means to me... well, you can be hilarious while still being inspirational.

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate? Yeah, I draw and sing! It's mostly seperate, I think.

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go: What the hell is an Oxford comma? ...oh, I alternate between using it and not using it.

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens? That paragraphs have to be three sentences!

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know? Good friends respect boundaries and let you have time to yourself!

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you? Eccentric, funny, but ultimately kind, I think. Definitely unafraid to swear.

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us? I get my best ideas when I'm near water- whether it's a waterpark, the toilet, the shower, or whatever else. Unfortunately, I'm usually not near my computer or phone at that time. Oops.

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up? My friends!

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it. Alright, hold on... this one's a long one, I warn you! And it's creepy :]

(Warnings for the poem below: Gemini Home Entertainment spoilers, body horror mention, general creepy stuff)

Shining, gorgeous, orange eye,

High up, growing, in the sky

Jack and Mary gone again

Leapt over the riverbed

Someone, somewhere, made a deal

Now our bodies it will steal

Deep Root Disease grows to the bone,

Turning flesh into a home

Follow the lights in the woods,

Scream until the police would

Feed the forest in the night,

Don’t cry, child, you’re alright

The Iris reigns above us all

The computers will hear its call

We sent a probe up into space

Now it’s coming for our race...

Twinkle, twinkle, orange eye,

How I wonder why you lied.

Weird Questions for Writers (because writers are weird)

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know?

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

[mono-red-menace]

need to work on admitting to myself that i'm just Some Girl and not applying my inflated black and white morality to myself like.

i'm just this horrible innately wretched being in my mind. if i'm happy and cute there must be some ulterior motive in my mind like i must be trying to do something bad. if i make someone mad, well of course i did im evil and bad i'm a monster of course i upset them! i cant do something perfect well of course i cant i'm a horrible monster to the core nothing i can be will be perfect because i'm horrible to the core.

but like.

in. in my mind.

is the thing.

all of these things are

in my mind.

when i'm happy and cute i'm just. happy and cute, i'm a person. just because i've been like. made to feel like my happiness is somehow predatory doesn't mean it. Is. i'm Some Girl. just A Person. not a monster.

and if i upset someone it's not because i Intended to harm them, it's not like im this Horrible Abusive Monster who Loooves to hurt people but tries to lie to itself that it Haaates hurting people because uh. fuck if i no. i'm just. a person with horrible self image issues instilled by a horrible childhood of constantly blaming herself for everything because of a father who constantly berated her and called her horrible things and made it seem like she was evil for just existing despite being a Literal Child. Just Some Girl. i'm just Some Girl.

and when i don't do things perfectly it's not because i'm incapable it's not because im a fraud it's not because all i know how to do is steal and distort and hurt. when i make something and it sucks or i fail at something or when i can't retain information it's not because of these things i've been made to believe. i'm just. Some Girl. i'm not some prodigy who is going to be the first person in our family to make something of themself and i'm not some wretched worthless fake, fools gold given to a family in need. i'm just. a Girl. who is allowed to make mistakes because i'm not a god and not a monster. just. a girl.

and dreaming constantly of a life i could live without taking the steps because i'm scared of messing it up because i see myself as a monster who is Undeserving of happiness, who will inevitably ruin it because it's in her nature, dreaming endlessly of being successful and loved, for people to look at her art and go "i like this!" even if it's just a few. because. like. how are you going to achieve that if all you do is dream it and cry? you're Some Girl.

every artist was just Some Boy or Some Girl. and even after they were famous, the fact remains. we're humans. everyone fails and everyone wins. and. i need to admit to myself that a reason i don't improve is because i'm unwilling to admit to myself that i'm. a person.

i'll probably never be everything i want to be, i'll probably never be there in front of hundreds of people, recorded for millions more, explaining my art and feeling the recognition i feel i deserve because why wouldn't i? after so long of being made to feel bad why can't i feel happy about that? you know? but like.

i'm. Some. Girl. who doesn't have the money and time to put into her joys. who is in constant pain, exhausted from work. suffering and just. scared to be anything less than perfect because anything less than perfect proves she's a monster to the words in her head drilled in there by others.

scared to turn into her father, scared she'll do to others what has been done to her. scared she only has capacity to bring harm, ignoring the times when she doesn't. scared of her failures but ignores her victories, feels any love shown to her is a mistake and any hate given to her is deserved.

and too scared to let go of being a monster because what would she have left then

yk?

anyways

this is dumb and melodramatic.

but that's me! :)

not a bad thing to be a little melodramatic when you're sad. as long as you don't throw it out there as a "woe is me i'm hopeless and bad and evil" like

i mean this is really bad writing i'm sad to admit but it's better me write my feelings in my goofy over-dramatic "i wish i was an artist" way but present them as Normal to myself. rather than just keep it inside myself and letting my negative voice take the reins.

sometimes i have to write it out and when i write something in that negative voice, either erase it and correct it directly, or correct it later on.

i always present any negative self thought as exactly that, Thought.

my intention might get lost a bit sometimes, but i try to write things like "i see myself as a monster" rather than "i am a monster," unless, through earlier context it can be assumed i only believe this and it's not true, though sometimes i leave the context in my mind

basically this is my silly way-too-verbose way of saying.

yeah i'm good i write my vents to work out the emotions and feel catharsis, i learned a Little bit from cbt and dbt lmao

[thedaughterofkings]

WIP Meme

List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on.

This can be writing, art, vids, or gifsets!

I got tagged by @clotpolesonly, thank you so much, Jessica! I looooove talking about my things (because it’s so much easier than actually writing them haaa), so here we go:

1) the first Pigtails sequel: yesss, this is actually happening!!! It’s what I started working on this week, let’s see how far this current bout of motivation carries me^^° I’ve got plans for this fic, but the first scene already derailed them a bit, so we’ll see how it actually ends up in the end (and how long!) also, Pigtails is close to 1k kudos on AO3, yay :DD (current length: 1.410 words)

2) I started a Simon & Garfunkel Sterek AU at the beginning of the year and then got stuck and didn’t write anything for two weeks oops, but I’m hoping that after a bit of Stackson I’ll be able to come back to that one, because I think it could end up being a really nice fic^^ (current length: 2.286 words)

3) the Resurrection fic!!!! It is so far what it says on the tin - Stiles figures out how to resurrect werewolves, and well, canon does give us a few candidates to try this out, doesn’t it? So resurrection shenanigans is the focus of what I have so far, with some hints at slow burn Sterek, and somehow sneakily, an accidental soul bond accidentally worked its way into the story, so that’s probably what the next part of the fic is going to focus on (current length: 21.805 words)

these are the ones that can actually be called WIP’s as in there’s actual words on a page and I’ve got firm plans to add more^^° But I’ve got a few more projects that I’m just gonna list here as well, because perhaps telling you guys about them is going to make me actually write/finish them!

First, the WIP’s that are just about abandoned:

1) Stormy Waters, to be free: I got a nice comment on this fic at the beginning of this year and it actually made me want to go back and finish this fic - my issue is just that it’s been so long since I started writing this that I feel as though my writing’s developed so much, that I’d actually prefer to edit the whole thing. Only I started (once I found the original file^^°) on that and I only made it one paragraph because it felt so cringey?! So now I don’t know whether I should just write the last few chapters and ignore the first ones or whether I should bite the bullet and actually rewrite it?! But while I try to decide that it’s still lying there sad and abandoned... (current length: 16.804 words)

2) the Sciles fic: honestly, pretty much everything that I said about Stormy waters is true for this fic, too. It’s been a long time since I first started writing it, so my style of writing is different now, which means editing which I haaate, which means I’m not writing anything^^° plus another issue, but I don’t want to have the stans yelling in my inbox before I even post the fic, so let’s just leave it at another issue *sighs* (current length: 19.822 words)

There’s also a few “false start” fics, ones which I started which never went anywhere, but which don’t really count as WIP’s as I’m not sure I’ll ever continue working on them, so I’ll not list those.

And last, but not least are my WIP’s that don’t have actual words on a page yet, but lots of ideas and love. These are the fics that “I’M GOING TO WRITE ONE DAY” and hopefully that day is sooner rather than later!^^°

1) the sequels: I finally got started on the first Pigtails sequel, which is great, but as “first” implies, there’s plans for another installment after that one, so we’ll see how that progresses after the fic I’m currently writing. The other sequel that’s definitely happening is the sequel to Fully Grown - I’m still working on fully plotting that out, and then I’ll hopefully actually get writing! There’s a few more fics people have asked me to continue, but there’s no clear cut plans for those sequels yet

2) the giveaway fics: shame on me, I still owe two giveaway fics and honestly, I do keep forgetting about them, which makes me a very bad writer and giveawayer, but I haven’t completely forgotten about them yet, so I promise they’ll come into existence eventually!! *hides*

3) the twerking Derek alternate universe fic: as ridiculous as that working title goes, this fic will probably actually end up quite angsty!^^° It is based on a prompt by jerakeenc and ficlets inspired by that prompt (all posted looooooooong ago), and I do actually have a few scenes for that one written! It’s going to be an alternate universe, Hales are alive, the Sheriff is not, Stallison adopted siblings trained as hunters, Derek/Kira bffs, and of course Sterek fic and seriously, if that doesn’t sound awesome, then we obviously have very different ideas of awesome!! Either way, I think it’s going to be awesome when I actually get around to writing it :p

4) and last, but not least, one fic I’ve been promising Clara for aaaages, the “Stiles is Cassandra” fic, that is Stiles tells the truth, but no one believes him, as with Cassandra of Troy. It’s probably going to be more fairy tale than epic myth style, though, not least because I vastly prefer the “and they lived happily ever after” ending to the “and now let’s kiiiiiiill” stuff in my fic!^^°

If you are still here after this wall of text, I’m gonna take this as an opportunity to channel my inner youtuber and ask you what you think below!^^ Let me know which of those fics you are most excited for, or even if there’s another fic that I forgot just now that you’d like to see, or if there’s a particular fic of mine you love and would like to see more of! Just talk fic to me, people!!!

Finally, I tag: @fandom-madnessess