#i guess the longer this series goes on for and the more crumbs of possibility they drop without actually giving you the cake

[ghirahimbo]

i started replaying totk recently, i say replaying bc i did buy and play it when it was first released but dropped it after a couple days bc i was busy w stuff. and so i'm doing a lot of things now for the first time and obv i can't help comparing it to botw and it's genuinely got me so upset how link has been forgotten by so many people, all the people he helped in botw all the quests he did are just meaningless, all my registered horses were carried over but they couldn't keep the character interactions? all the champions are mentioned once with the exception of mipha there's no memories or divine beasts. the zora who had remembered link for 100 years had forgotten him since botw how is that possible. i had to make an ugly house near tarrey town to hang my weapons bc the hateno house was no longer mine 😭😭😭 somehow it made the game feel lonelier, even though botw was more empty there was much emotion in it.

it's not that i hated totk i liked exploring and finding new outfits, the dragons, rediscovering my favourite places etc but idk i was genuinely tearing up thinking about the champions being forgotten and all of link's previous sacrifices meaning nothing. sorry to send these random messages i don't follow anyone else who still blogs about zelda 😭😭

No, I know exactly what you mean! 😢 Honestly (lol can't remember if I've already said this before or not, so maybe I'm re-ranting here, but) my personal take is that totk shouldn't have been a sequel game, especially because Nintendo doesn't like to concern themselves with the continuity between games that a direct sequel like this just needs. With some tweaking/set up/rewriting, totk could have worked as a stand-alone story, and then they wouldn't have had to take away from what botw achieved in the name of making it more approachable to new players.

And yeah, I didn't hate it either! I liked the gameplay and the weapons system and the feeling of stakes whenever you entered a new town and saw how things had all gone to shit. Loved the wells. I just think it was too eager to pretend botw didn't exist while at the same time leaning on it so heavily that it would fall to pieces if you tried to extract the botw out of it :P

[o-w-quinlan]

Digimon Ghost Game: Thoughts and Speculation

These last few days we’ve gotten enough information about the new Digimon anime that I feel comfortable going in-depth about my thoughts on it. Of course, since we’re still missing a description, or a trailer, or really anything beyond the name, the poster and the character design, all of this may end up wrong, but hey, the hype is its own enjoyment.

Thoughts

First thing noticeable about the trailer is that there’s only 3 main characters (plus their Digimon) this time around. Considering the ongoing problems of the Digimon Adventure 2020 writer team to give more than crumbs to their gigantic cast, going back to the trio teams of Tamers or Savers sounds like the right choice.

We also… don’t really see anything in the background. From most Digimon posters we can more or less guess if it’ll happen primarily on the Digital World or the Human one, but here it could be anything. The poses of the main characters are also different from what’s typical for a Digimon series. Often the posters have the characters ready to leap into action, or otherwise in awe of their fantastical surroundings. These three children… aren’t doing either. If anything, the main character (Hiro, apparently) looks slightly confused. The other two, Ruri and Seijiro, do look like they know what they’re doing (a return to Tamers and Savers with the protagonist being less experienced than his companions?), with Ruri sort of ignoring her surroundings to look at her phone and Seijiro in a very confident pose. The three Digimon behind them, on the other hand, are leaping into action. The way they are shadowed (when other promotional material has already revealed their appearances), as well as the “Ghosts? Holograms?” text in the poster, adds to their mysterious nature, which goes along well with the confusion on Hiro’s face.

Design-wise… I’m not a big fan. The Digimon themselves look a bit better in the promotional material than they did in the anime art we had of them, but Angoramon still looks bland, Gammamon looks sort of like V-mon in body shape and Hackmon in color scheme, and I understand both of those Digimon have a lot of fans but I’m not one of them. I really only like Jellymon, though she’s weirdly detailed for a Child Digimon. That said, I do like the diversity in designs these trio of Digimon have going for them. Gammamon is confirmed to be a Virus Digimon, so that’s the first protagonist Digimon to be a virus since Guilmon (further adding to the Tamers comparison).

The children though… I don’t think I’ve ever seen a group of Digimon protagonists that look this bland? Hiro is the worst of the three, with almost absolutely nothing memorable going for him except of course red and blue clothes mean he’s the protagonist. The sole unique feature he has is the small scar on his left ear, which hopefully means there’s some backstory behind it. The other two, while better, still don’t make much of an impression. Ruri is fine, but she looks more like a Juri than a Ruki, if you catch my drift. Side character design rather than main character design. I do like that she seems to be taking the “smart one” role in the cast, if her focusing on her phone (looking up information?) is any indication. As for Seijiro… I’ll always like characters that are confident in themselves, but he looks like a mix between Kiriha from Xros Wars and Knight from Appli Monsters with a lot less personality than either of those two.

I do like that we’re breaking tradition by having a male tamer be paired with a female-looking Digimon. The opposite has happened quite a few times before (and it’s happening again in this show with Ruri and Angoramon), but Seijiro and Jellymon are the first time this has happened in a Digimon anime, I think (at least outside of Xros Wars having its protagonists be partnered to literal armies of Digimon).

So, overall, I like the mystery vibe this poster has, but don’t really like most of the designs. From a wider perspective of the franchise, though, I do love that we’re getting non-Adventure animated material (seems like the commercial success of Adventure 2020 was used for Good), and that the new digivice toy, the Digivice V, is just a new edition of the Vital Bracelet, bodes very well for the increased synergy between products the franchise currently has.

Speculation

The whole mystery vibe here leads me to believe that at least the beginning parts of the series will have Hiro constantly question the nature of Digimon. I suspect we’ll see some light horror tropes used for his first few interactions with Digimon, like in Tamers where Takato’s first meeting with Guilmon had the young boy terrified. Ruri and Seijiro do look like they know what they’re doing, though, and given that the mystery would be over pretty soon if they explained things to Hiro, perhaps we’ll see a more delayed introduction to them, like in Appli Monsters.

As for the plot of the series, the name “Ghost Game” as well as how the G’s in the title vaguely look like pins on a map make me believe the series will have something like a treasure hunt, or perhaps that the children will be investigating “mysterious” events in search of something. I mean, Cyber Sleuth is one of the most popular Digimon games, and it wouldn’t be strange for the anime to take some inspiration from it (Appli Monsters already referenced it in its Agumon episode). With that said, I believe this series will spend at least its first arc (if not most of the series) in the human world.

The emphasis on ghosts here makes me believe it will lean into that “Digimon may or may not be the same as mythological creatures from the past” idea that Digimon Adventure 02 introduced, and that Digimon Survive will use (if it ever actually releases). The various links between mythology and Digimon that Cyber Sleuth used and the ambiguity of how related they actually were (or if it was all one giant coincidence) was one of my favorite parts of it, so here’s hoping something similar is done here.

The fact that the main Digivice of the series is a Vital Bracelet and that each protagonist Digimon has a DIM card dedicated to them makes me think we’ll see this series lean into branched evolutions. Adventure 2020 was already emphasizing this to a further extent than anything before it, so perhaps Ghost Games will take this even further beyond.

Conclusion

Despite having some problems with the designs of the characters, I’m very excited for this series. It’s literally the first time since the 1999-2002 heyday that we’re getting anime series back-to-back, and if that isn’t proof of how much success Digimon has gotten in the past few years, I don’t know what is. The increased synergy here with the virtual pets department, as well as the updates and changes in the Reference Book website that there’s been in the past year which only hardcore fans of the lore could possibly care about but for which all of us hardcore fans are very grateful, make me hope they’ve learnt from their mistake back in the early 2000’s where it seemed nothing in the franchise had anything to do with anything else. Here’s hoping the series has more emphasis on characterization than the current Adventure 2020, too, considering they can no longer rely on their audience knowing these characters from previous works.

Eagerly waiting for a trailer or an update of its website for further news.

[littlemisssquiggles]

(Pt1) I just,,, is it bad that at this point I just feel exhausted with the Oscar bits and crumbs? Everyone is like “oh his development is coming just be patient!” But I’ve enjoyed him as a character since he first appeared and watching him get denied or overshadowed has just become exhausting

(Pt2) I feel bad because a episode like this would usually excite me!! We see the boi fight!! And he did good!!! I just kinda want to see him away from everyone else, like from jnr or rwby. Because at this point? I kinda feel like when he’s around them he’s used to help them, never the other way around, I’m just so tired

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Hello there anon-chan. Apologies for the super late response. Y’know, ironically enough your message reminds me of @ozcarpin​’s post from a few weeks back after V7CH5 dropped. They too expressed the same sentiments. As a fellow Pinehead myself whose favourite RWBY Character is Oscar Pine, I share in your exasperation of watching him be obscured by other characters when it comes to receiving his own development.

While I didn’t become a full-fledged Oscar Stan until the start of V5, I still feel you. Despite enjoying V5 in my first watch of the season, even now, it still kind of bothers me that we spent the majority of that season mostly watching Ozpin in control of Oscar’s body or taking control during moments which could’ve been used to allow the PLOT to flesh out Oscar a bit more especially when it came to integrating him into the hero team.

And of course, it still bothers me to no end how they handled his side of the story back in V6 especially during CH9. But do you know what one of the most upsetting parts about this is, anon-chan?

Even if one tries to express their frustration regarding Oscar’s writing within the series, you will always get those one or two comments that say:

“…Quit your complaining about Oscar not receiving any development. He’s not the main character!”

I was reading through some of the comments left in response to ozcarpin​’s post and I actually saw one or two folks hit them with that same remark and I couldn’t help but feel sympathetic for ozcarpin. It actually upsets me when other fans used that kind of remark to denounce criticism of Oscar’s treatment within the show. Mostly because, in my opinion, this remark misses the point trying to be made here.

Speaking for myself, this squiggle meister more or less falls into the same lane as ozcarpin. I am one of those Pineheads who hasn’t 100% been pleased with the way the show has treated Oscar and I’ve never really shied away from expressing my opinions in regards to that. However when I share my critiques of Oscar’s writing, I’m not implying that the Writers should make Oscar the main character of RWBY. That’s not what I’m saying.

I understand that Oscar is not a protagonist for RWBY. However, what I think some folks fail to miss is that Oscar is a part of the main cast or at least he’s supposed to be. When I look at Oscar, I see him in the same category as the JNR gang. In my eyes, JNPR have always been the deuteragonists of RWBY—the secondary huntsmen team of importance to complement our four main girls.

While RWBY hold the title of our four protagonists whose individual stories and team adventures help shape the core PLOT of RWBY, the narrative additionally follows the development of Jaune, Pyrhha (formerly), Ren and Nora since their stories make up the PLOT too.

As I mentioned in this post I made after watching the recent V7CH7, as a Pinehead, when I ask for the PLOT to focus more on Oscar as a character, I’m not implying that he should become the main character of RWBY. All I’m simply asking is that he should be given the same level of respect as a character as we’ve seen from others within the main cast. Because as I’ll repeat again, Oscar is a part of the main cast.

It is for this reason why I really enjoyed the recent episode so much. V7CH7, in my opinion, is the best I’ve seen this season utilize Oscar within a scene because rather than have him play background character to another character; this episode gave him some much needed attention. We actually got to hear Oscar express his thoughts and feelings in contrast with Ironwood’s and for me,it was really great.

This is what I’ve been hoping for. I just want the story to allow us as the audience to get to know Oscar more. To have him speak on screen, share his own ideologies and sentiments with other characters especially the ones he’s in alliance with. Maybe even see him use his opinions to support or challenge said characters on their views and see their reactions to it. 

We spent so many episodes debating whether or not Oscar is a character within RWBY that this episode felt like a breath of fresh air. I haven’t loved an Oscar moment this much since his Dojo scene with Ruby back in V5. 

But as much as I love the dojo-scene from V5, I can’t help but feel like that moment was more to help Ruby than Oscar. However, I still appreciate it a lot since it established a pinnacle moment in Ruby’s growing friendship with Oscar. I felt like I learnt more about Oscar as a person from that one conversation that he shared with Ruby back in Mistral than his entire runtime in V6; believe it or not. But this is just me. 

There are people in this FNDM who genuinely hate Oscar. Who believe he’s a useless boring character or not a character at all BECAUSE of the way the writing has handled him up until now.

As a Pinehead, it’s honestly frustrating when I go into forum discussions or search Oscar-related content on YouTube only to discover videos discussing how problematic of a character Oscar is BECAUSE of the glaring issues with his writing.

Because whether anyone wishes to admit this to themselves or not, the writing for Oscar Pine has not been the best or at least it hasn’t been as good as it could be. It’s been sometime-ish at best. Some might even call it subpar. Thus he’s left feeling as less of a character since the writing has done very little for him up; unfortunately.

According to some folks with the FNDM community, Oscar’s biggest flaw right now is his lack of proper development by the show which lends to him feeling like less of a character. And sadly to admit…at this point in the story, I’m starting to see their point.

Going to back to what I said earlier about Oscar falling in the same lane of  as JNPR, when it comes to the JNR trio, at least I can say that I know who Jaune, Ren and Nora are as characters. I can even say the same for Pyrhha. I know who these characters are because the PLOT actually paid attention to these characters when they needed focus and allowed me as the audience to get to know them.

But when Oscar needed attention to help flesh him out, instead it focused on other characters.

When we needed to see Oscar getting to know the team, it focused more on providing more insight into Ozpin’s character as a build up to the events of V6, I suppose. Even when Oz was removed from the story, the PLOT still didn’t shift gears and allowed us to see what was going through Oscar’s mind after what happened with Oz.

Instead, Oscar’s development happens mostly off-screen while the PLOT focused on other characters. And by the time we did get the chance to hear how he’s feeling, instead of actually showing us how Oscar felt, it’s said in a single line that makes the moment fall flat.

“…These past few days, I’ve been scared of the same things you were. I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be me but I did some thinking, and I do know that I want to everything I can to help with whatever time I have left…” 

Gee…how swell it would’ve been for us to have seen Oscar going through all those emotions over the course of those few days, am I right? But I guess that his feelings weren’t all that important if all we got from that is a throwaway line of dialogue while not receiving much of a reaction from the other characters to Oscar being perfectly fine with possibly disappearing one day.

After V6 and after having more time to think about the events of the last season,I’ve gone into V7 with a slightly more cynical approach. 

In spite of what a few folks might interpret from my more negative opinions, I’m still respectable of the CRWBY Writers and appreciative of the effort they put into the ongoing story for RWBY. 

However that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to remain honest in my opinions. In regards to Oscar’s presence within the show, if the Writers do something with his character that I genuinely liked then I will praise it many times over given how much I love it. Hence my admiration for the Ironwood and Oscar scene from V7CH7.

However, if the Writers do something with Oscar that I didn’t enjoy or I didn’t personally feel was as good as I would’ve liked it to be, then of course I’m going to admit that when asked of my views (case in point: V6CH9) 

That being said, I’m not saying all of this to make it seem like I’m bashing you for your own opinions anon-chan and if I sound that way in my response then I humbly apologize.

What I’m basically saying is, as a fellow Pinehead, I hear your frustrations. On some level, I feel your frustration and exhaustion and share in it with some of my own. But in a hopefully much nicer tone that you’ve heard from others, I will say that perhaps there is a bit of truth to what others have said about waiting a little while longer for Oscar’s development. 

What I mean by that is, perhaps we should at least give the full season a fair chance. I’m not telling you to bottle up your frustrations. As a matter of fact, to quote, Shannon McCormick—the VA of the other half of our Man with Two Souls—what I’m saying is let’s try and “keep the faith” fam.

As of now, we are at V7CH7. We still have 6 more episodes to go before V7 concludes. As I said, CH7 did real good on Oscar and since promise of this season being an exciting one for Oscar is still in the air, let’s at least see where it goes from here. Perhaps things might pick up for the third act? 

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t starting to lose confidence for this season being a better Oscar-worthy one than the last until CH7 renewed some of my hope.  . With Oscar advising Ironwood to quote, “talk to the people you’re most afraid to”, I’m hoping that this was an indication that we might be revisiting the plot point with Oscar confronting Ruby again about telling James the truth. 

I’m hoping that CH7 isn’t the only episode we’ll get to hear Oscar speak his mind and it makes me interested to hear what he hopefully has to say for CH8.

So yeah, to reiterate—I know it might be a little tough fam but, let’s try and hold strain till the end of season. 

Admittedly, V7 is still pretty young and there have been elements to Oscar’s character and overall purpose in the plot of this season that have been teased a little for part of this season that I’m looking forward to seeing come to fruition:

Oscar confronting Ruby about revealing the whole truth to Ironwood (possibly with the last question from the Lamp of Knowledge)

Oscar unlocking his semblance which has been alluded to be a ‘great and powerful’ one that would possibly be the envy of his comrades, according to Ruby Rose.

Oscar receiving more clarity about the nature of the Merge from Ironwood (since he seems to know more about that).

Oscar reconciling with Ozpin within his mind and aiding in his reconciliation with the hero team.

Oscar helping Ironwood with his Baobab—possibly at some point suggesting that Atlas finds a way to get in communication with the kingdom of Vacuo to seek aid before their inevitable fall since Tyrian mentioned that’s what will be needed to thwart Salem’s plans for Atlas.

Oscar officially joining JNR and reviving their original huntsman team (possibly JNPR 2.0 or ALPN—one of those two, I dunno. My money still remains vehemently with JNPR 2.0)

Will these subplots actually be done? And if done, will it actually be good? Will it be disappointingly bad again? Or maybe it might be surprisingly better than we ever hoped for our boy? Will this be the case or not?

Don’t really know, to be honest. I couldn’t tell you even I wanted to. The best thing we can do for now fam is to wait and see what the rest of the story brings for Oscar and then make our own final judgments based on that once the story is fully complete. That’s pretty much all I can say.

I’m not sure what your thoughts on the recent episode were but for what it’s worth, I’m hoping that it might’ve renewed some of your hope for Oscar this season too? Even if it’s just a smidgen.

But let’s wait and see fam. We’ve got a cordial dinner episode with Formal Oscar coming up to look forward to. Here’s to seeing what that episode brings for us Pineheads.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

[cefstickles]

The Jar of Doom Part 2: Blinded By Sweetness

Hey everyone! I said I would get part two of the Jar of Doom out for Roman’s appreciation week and I did it!! If you have not read Part 1 of the jar of doom and would like to before reading this part you can use this link to read it first and catch up.

I had the idea of making The Jar of Doom almost like a series where I do all the different ships/pairings. If I did this, Part 3 would either be Analogical or Princiality which ever is requested more I guess.

I am extremely happy with how this fic turned out. Roman’s and Virgil’s exchange is just perfect. I hope you all agree too! Please enjoy:

The Jar of Doom Part 2: Blinded By Sweetness

(Ships) Prinxiety, implied Logicality

Warnings: Tickle fic, slight NSFW, Slight Language

Words ~ 2,112 ~

Princey could not wipe the smile off of his face as he tucked the jar under his arm and followed Virgil out to the kitchen. He wasn’t able to see the darker traits face, but he new for a fact that he portrayed the same amount of amusement as he did. The two were still able to hear Logan’s screams of laughter even all the way out in the living room, but what puzzled the two aspects the most was the fact that Thomas still hadn’t woken up. One would think Logan was being loud enough to wake up the entirety of Thomas’s neighborhood.

Roman set the jar of cookies on the kitchen counter, still feeling too exhausted to climb up the shelves and return it to its proper place. He drug his feet tiredly to one of the living room couches and plopped down. Looking to his left, Virgil was sitting on an adjacent couch curled up with a blanket looking at his phone, obviously scrolling through tumblr. Princey yawned loudly as his eyes began to droop. Unable to stay awake, he let his body drift into unconsciousness.

His nap was cut short though, when the sound of an opening jar awoke him. Without moving the rest of his body, he opened one eye. Virgil had opened the jar of cookies on the counter to grab one for himself. He was trying to be quiet to not awaken Sleeping Beauty, but sadly he had failed. Princey could feel the growing smirk on his face as he watched the darker trait cover the jar with the lid and walk back to the other couch. When Virgil was about to bite into it, that's when the fanciful trait acted.

With such grace and speed, Princey sprung up, snatched the cookie right out of Virgil’s hand, and took a bite out of it.

“What the-Hey! I was gonna eat that ya know!”

Princey smiled proudly as he chewed and swallowed. “I know. I just decided that your stomach wasn’t worthy of this particular sugary delight.” He took another bite, intentionally aggravating the previous owner.

“Ugh.” Virgil rolled his eyes. “Fine then. I’ll just get a different one that is “worthy” of my stomach.” He stood up and walked past Roman, who quickly finished his cookie and snuck up behind the darker trait, getting ready to steal another.

Virgil wasn’t stupid. He knew what Prince was up to, so he casually took off the cookie jar lid and set it down on the counter, watching the fanciful trait’s every move from the corner of his eyes. Suddenly, Virgil swooped the jar off the counter using one arm and grabbed the largest cookie he could find.

“You want this?!” He ducked under Roman’s attempt at snatching the treat out of his hand. “Then have it!” As forcefully as he could, the darker trait literally ‘pied’ Roman’s face with the cookie, sending the Royal hump-back style to the floor. No literally. When Virgil slapped Princey’s face with the cookie, it lifted his feet off the ground a couple centimeters causing Roman to then unwillingly perform an unfinished back flip. His body flew back in an arch like pattern, landing on his shoulder blades knocking the wind out of the royal trait. The rest of his body followed him in a chain reaction, flopping to the floor like a fish.

“.....ow…..” Roman’s mouth moved slightly under the layer of cookie smothered on it.

Virgil clasped a hand over his mouth as he chortled at the pitiful sight before him. He was laughing so hard that it almost rivaled Logan’s coming from down the hall. “Bwahahahahahahaha!!! Oh my-pfffffahahahahah!!! Where’s the camera when you need it?!” He was only slightly worried when the fanciful trait wasn’t moving. He knelt down to Roman’s level.

“Hey Princey. That was the best stunt you’ve ever pulled. Too bad it....flopped.” He snorted again at his own joke. He couldn’t stop laughing, even when the fanciful trait gathered enough strength to lift his head at him.

Roman’s face was still covered with cookie as he laid his head back down again and pretended to die. “Virgil! What have you done to me!?” He clasped his hands over his heart dramatically. “Now I will never live to see another day!” Virgil rolled his eyes still silently chuckling at his fellow aspect, portraying a small smile that the latter could not see because he was blinded by cookie guts. “Death!!! Sorrow!! Blinded...by a cookie….blargg…” With the final phrase, Princey reached out with a hand in the air and flopped on the ground lazily, imitating a ‘grand' death.

Virgil just stared at him for a few moments. He was still breathing which told him the fanciful trait was only joking. Anxiety had apparently been very silent, because not a minute later, Roman raised his head and seemingly looked around.

“Virge? Are you there?” Roman was about to wipe the cookie off of his face, when he felt his wrists being grabbed and his hands restrained above his head.

“wait-Wha?! Who goes there? Virgil-pppppfffahahahahah no stahahahahap!!!” He was taken by surprise as he felt a finger in each armpit scratching at the sensitive skin there. Unable to move his arms he began to kick his legs out trying to stop the attacker. Lets just say he was missing by a long shot.

“Ohohopponent!! Ceeheeheehaese Thine AttAHAHAHAHAHAHACK!!!” He felt more fingers enter the fray all of which were tickling more rapidly.

“I thought you were dead Princey. Dead royalty doesn’t laugh. You must be a ghost of some sort then. I mean you are faceless.”

“THERE IHIHIHIHIHSSS COOOHOHOHOHKIE ON MY FAHAHAHAHAHCE!!!”

“Oh. Is that what that is? I couldn’t tell. Why don’t you wipe it off?” Virgil’s grin was growing by the minute. His fingers trailed out of his armpits and began to pluck his ribs rather harshly.

“You’re hooohohohohohlding my hahahahands you NincomPOHOHOHOHOHOOOP!!!!”

Virgil tsked. “Nincompoop? That’s hardly a harmful nickname. Nevertheless it kind of hurt. I thought you said you’d be nicer than that Princey.” He put on a playful frown that Roman still wasn’t able to see. Anxiety had moved his fingers to Princey’s stomach, but clicked his tongue in disappointment as it didn’t display much of a reaction.

“Hehehehehe! That niceness has to go both ways, you know.” Virgil could feel Princey beginning to regain his strength. In response, the darker trait managed to flip Princey over by jerking his right arm over his left so that his cookied face was now buried in the floor.

“Ooof!! Oi! What in the name of thor are you DOing!?” Virgil had just performed a stunt of his own. With all the strength he could muster, he sprung from all fours in a crouched position and managed to land on the backs of Roman’s thighs. Seeing as his hands were no longer restrained, Roman tried to push himself up only to find that he was unable to under the weight of his fellow aspect.

“No more midnight snacks for you either! You’re so heavy!”

“We’re the same weight dammit!” Virgil slapped Roman’s thigh as hard as he could as punishment. In response, Princey actually squealed.

“Ayeee! Hey! Watch it!” The royal trait threw his leg back attempting to kick Virgil in the face, but it instead allowed the latter to catch his next object of interest. Anxiety trapped Roman’s legs with his arms and began to work his boots off with one hand.

The fanciful trait’s eyes widened as he felt his footwear being stripped from his feet. “Virgil! No! Please don’t! I’m sorry! I’ll let you get a cookie just don’t...tickle...them…” Roman’s voice trailed off as he realized reasoning with his attacker was only breath wasted. He knew Virgil well enough to understand how head strong he was when it came to justice.

The anxious trait only silently smirked before he began to run his fingers lightly over his victim’s soles. Roman was automatically in hysterics rivalling that of the logical trait--who was still laughing down the hall--as he thrashed about and pounded on the ground, begging for Anxiety to stop. He was finally able to wipe the cookie off of his face only to find crumbs flying into his mouth as he began to cough and laugh at the same time.

“ANNNXIET*cough*YYYYHIHIHIHIHIHI!!” Virgil’s finger’s trailed down to his heels, using the same techniques on his soles.

“Yeah?” Virgil tried to sound as casual as possible, like this whole situation they were in wasn’t out of the normal.

“STAHAHAHAHAH*cough*AHAHAHAHAP!!!” Virgil smiled at the power he had over the fanciful trait.

“You seem to be enjoying yourself though. I mean tickling is one of the best punishments there is. It can even be more effective than waterboarding. I guess it just depends on their...Anxiety.” Virgil’s fingers switched from Princey’s heels to his toes like lightning, scraping the flesh underneath and in between his digits.

“Ihihih SWEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHRRRR!!!”

Virgil chuckled. “I don’t think you should swear. If dad comes in and hears you, you’ll be in even more of a pickle than now.” Roman was laughing too hard to respond. Anxiety wasn’t able to see, but he was pretty sure Roman was crying tears of joy by now. After a minute more, the darker trait stopped his assault and stood up off of the creative trait. Seeing as how Princey wouldn’t be able to a move for a few moments, he took this opportunity to re-cover the jar with the lid and climb to return it to its shelf.

As he set the jar up there, he heard Princey beginning to arise from his place on the floor. Not wanting to be the brunt of retaliation at all, he just sat on the surface that wasn’t meant to be sat on with the jar, high out of reach of any of the other sides. Just as expected, he heard Prince’s footsteps come thudding up to the pantry where the jar was kept.

Roman was so exhausted he was running clumsily. So much for the elegance he ‘claimed’ to have. He looked up to the figure sitting on the highest shelf and called out to him. “Rapunzel rapunzel! Let down your hair!” Even from this high up, Virgil could see the glimmer of revenge in his eyes.

“Not by the hair of my chiny-chin chin.”

“You don’t even have a beard!”

“Exactly. The answer is no.”

“Oh C’mon! You have to come down at some point! What if you get hungry?”

Virgil laughed. “I’m in the pantry Roman. That’s not going to be a problem.”

“Ummm-Ah! What if you need to use the restroom?”

“I can go literally all day without using the bathroom.”

Princey groaned. The fanciful trait was running out of ideas, but then an idea struck him. “What about your battery life?” He grinned evilly at the darker trait.

For a second, Virgil’s eyes widened as he checked his phone life, only to find it was at 73%. He shrugged down to Princey. “I gotta while.”

“UUUUUUGGH-”

“Hey there kiddos! What’s up?” Morality appeared next to Prince. The two had been so busy talking to each other, they hadn’t notice Logan’s laughter had gone extinct from the mind palace.

“Ah Patton.” Roman was still red and brown in the face, because of his former laughter and the remains of the chocolate chips still on his face. Patton did all he could to not giggle at how funny Roman’s face looked. “Are you done torturing poor Logan?”

“Nope! He fainted.” As Patton continued smiling, the look of surprise the other two aspects portrayed almost turned into worry for the logical trait.

“Oooohhh kaaay. Well, I stole cookies from Virgil, then he slapped me in the face with one. This lead to me being blind for a period of time, and then he used the blindness to my disadvantage by tickle torturing me. Now he ran up the same shelf Logan found you on this morning, before I could catch him and get my revenge. So I’m going to stand here until he comes down.”

“Is that so, huh?” Patton disappeared behind the pantry door and pulled a secret door to reveal a lever. As he jerked it clockwise, Virgil felt something under him begin to shift. It was too late to act however because the shelf rotated 60 degrees downward without warning, sliding the darker trait off of the shelf and straight into the arms of Roman, sending Virgil to his doom.

Princey caught the aspect with ease. “Why hello there.” He smiled maliciously.

Virgil’s state of mind at that moment was then summed up by two words.

“Oh shit.”

[linaquezxo]

Into the Mind: Series

DISCLAIMER: The following stories have been labeled and recorded as chaotic fiction. A “fabrication” of ideas which gain no further research by detectives. Here, we will take a chilling trip into the minds of those who have lost theirs. Was it the correct decision to pass up these patients as mentally ill or is there possible logic within the illogical? It is purely up to you to decide whether any of this is true or false. But you must understand one thing, insanity is a dangerously contagious disease. These stories will have no happy endings and no limits. Read with much discretion.

***************

It was a Tuesday afternoon at the Norristown State Hospital, a middle aged man enters his office, and takes a seat behind his desk. The room is a clutter of files, papers (mostly crumbled into balls that have missed the trashcan to the left of the exit) and family photos. In each photo, the man’s face is as stern as a soldier’s, just as it is now. His wife and colleagues would often joke that he’s been this way ever since his doctor smacked him on the ass after birth. It was the only joke that still sprinkled some sweetness onto his sour life.

Behind him, the windows allow the faintest orange hue to creep through the blinds and color the room dimly. He sets his cup of coffee down and beside it he places a file and then turns his attention to his computer to quickly sign in. Outside of the room, his assistant can be heard making her way towards his office--there was no mistaking the urgency in those heels. Instantly, he reached for his coffee and took a sip, preparing himself for the worst.

She stepped into the office with force and a winning smile that caused the man to arch his eyebrow in sudden interest. In her hand was a yellow folder that she held rather tightly, there was a name written on it but at this distance, the man couldn’t decipher it.

“You’re going to enjoy this one.” She says, tossing the file directly onto his desk.

He eyed her for a moment before turning his attention downwards.

“It’s just what you’ve been waiting for.”

*******************************************************************************************

Exeter Inc.

Name: Crystal Sullivan

Gender: Female

Age: 17

Diagnosis: Apotemnophilia

The following is a printed copy of a pre recorded session:

So, no back story on me, huh? That’s not important, I guess I’m supposed to just dive into this. Get straight to what you really want to hear, right? I figured as much. Well, fuck where do I start, huh? I mean, really where the fuck do I even begin?! There’s so much...so many...details. So much. I….

Okay, okay...are you listening? You’re gonna need to pay close attention….

Let’s see…..this is all started on a Friday right after school, when I had gone to the mall with my best friend, Jane. We skipped lunch that day--we spent that time in the library copying each other’s homework for the upcoming class--and decided to go straight to the food court before heading home. On the way there, we came across a homeless man who was sitting just outside the entrance. This wasn't unusual, homeless people always made a home for themselves outside of just about anything, even the parking lot held a few, although they'd get chased away by security eventually. So, his presence wasn't what caught me off guard...it was the sign he held.

Now, before I continue with any of this, I need you to understand that I know what you’re thinking. A homeless man? Really? That’s what caught my attention?

Nothing you could possibly be thinking right now is new to me. I’ve already gone over the thoughts countless times myself and a dozen more once I was tossed into this place. All I can say is…it doesn’t make any sense to me either.

I mean because, well, homeless people are always asking for something, you know? They're homeless so all they can really do is take because what could they even give besides a possible disease or drug addiction? But, this man wasn’t like the others. You see, written on the sign were two words ‘Take One’ and placed in front of the sign were a few purple papers. Judging by the amount, I assumed I wasn’t the only one who was confused by….everything. Several people passed by, they stopped briefly with that same look of confusion I had and then proceeded into the mall. Jane tried grabbing my arm and pulling me away, urging me to ignore the man but I just wanted to ease my mind. Or more like, I had to ease my mind.

I took a flyer and—spare me the idiotic look would you?! Had I known what I do now, I wouldn’t have even glanced at that guy! All this woulda, coulda, shoulda shit is pointless. What happened….happened. I can’t change anything. But I did get a look at the man though, for a just quick second. H-he was filthy, his facial hair was a madhouse of food crumbs and dried up beverages. His lips were chapped and his eyes were so low, if he hadn't grinned at me--exposing a dentist’s worst nightmare--I wouldn't have been able to tell if he were awake or not. I’m not sure if that’s even important to share, it’s not much of a description but it’s the best I can do.

After that, I folded up the paper and stuffed it into my purse. The experience alone was enough for one day, I decided I’d look over it later on when I got home and used the short time I had with Jane as an opportunity to ignore the situation. However, I did a lot more than just ignore what happened, I actually managed to forget about it.  And Jane never brought it up again so part of me felt as though the encounter never really took place at all. I couldn't tell you if we spotted the man again either, I'm positive we took a different exit so there's literally no way.

But you know, m-maybe Jane was just as uncomfortable with what happened as I was, and talking about it just didn't sit well with her. I mean, I never brought it up either, right? Once we were inside the mall, we both pretty much just stuffed the homeless man in the back of our minds….and I wish he had stayed there.

Um, anyway, it had to be about a month since the incident, no more no less. I was uh, I was in my room talking on the phone with Jane about an exam that was coming up. Well, more like talking about her crush, Jason, rather than studying but whatever. I was circling my room when my phone notified me that the battery was only on 5%. My charger was in my purse but you know once something goes in there it’s kinda impossible to find it without dumping everything out, so that’s what I did.

(Brief silence)

I noticed the paper before anything else. It’s impossible to miss a purple that bright. I immediately brought it up to Jane and she groaned and called me an idiot for actually keeping something so stupid. There was some cheesy slogan written in bold letters at the center of the paper, it went something like ‘Give a little. Get a little.’ ….Yeah, I thought it was stupid too. The only other details on the paper were a phone number and the name “Exeter Inc.”

(Crystal begins laughing uncontrollably.)

You should see the look on your face. Let me guess, it must say I’m delusional somewhere in that useless folder you got there. Right? That’s fine with me. Whenever I think back to how this all began I sometimes find myself believing that little cover up too. All the same, after skimming over the paper I came to the conclusion that there was no way in hell this had a meaning to it. I was in the same boat as you are, funny isn’t it? How simple minded I used to be…. I mean, the homeless man had to have been on drugs or something because what could he possibly need this for? And what kind of advertisement had such a…. dull slogan? Not even just that but the entire thing was dull, all except the bright color of the paper, of course.

Jane was still on the phone, laughing because she knew I had gotten lost in my thoughts once again over the stupid flyer. “Call the number Crystal, I know you want to.” She said teasingly.

I did want to. I couldn’t deny it. I was betting that once I called I’d hear the funniest automated machine on the other end because this was all supposed to be a joke. This was clearly just a big joke. I had to keep telling myself that… it was comforting to think this way. So, I told Jane I would call her back right after I called the number on the flyer, and hung up. I hurried and dialed the number into my phone and started the call, on the second ring a man answered the phone. His was voice was casual and welcoming but it wasn’t pre recorded as I had predicted. Instead, I was actually speaking with someone. He sounded pretty young too, I’d guess that he was probably in his late twenties.

“It’s great to see you’ve finally decided to call,” He said, “We were beginning to think you forgot about us.”

I remained quiet. I mean, what could I have said anyway? My heart was knocking at my chest, I feared that if the silence dragged on a minute longer perhaps the man would have been able to hear it. I wondered who were “they” and had they really been waiting? No, there’s no way. This was probably just dialogue used on all callers to make them feel valued.

“Oh right, how rude of me.” The man on the other end laughed timidly and cleared his throat. “My name is Jasper and I will be assisting you today. Thank you for calling Exeter Inc. A company that was founded just two years ago and has been skyrocketing ever since! An email has just been sent to you with more information on us. Feel free to check it out at your leisure. If you’re wondering how we got your e-mail, our database is setup so that all information i.e. name, address, e-mail, etc. are displayed during an incoming call. Just in advance I must inform you that this call is being monitored. So, with all that being said, am I speaking to Crystal Sullivan?”

I couldn’t have rolled my eyes harder. How stupid did this person think I was? Using a homeless man to advertise a company wasn’t the best way to prove it’s so-called “skyrocketing” existence.

“Crystal, this is as real as it gets. Our policy is very simple, give a little to get a little. Now, the terms and conditions of said policy can be quite….unnerving however I assure you after thoroughly checking through our website, your worries will be put at ease. Now, would you like further details on our policy?”

I shrugged my shoulders knowing he couldn’t see me. Jane was definitely right for laughing at me as hard as she did, I was clearly an idiot.

“Very well. Here at Exeter Inc. we dedicate our work to bettering the lives of others. How do we do this? Through donations of all sorts! We want you to give us something of yours that could be useful for someone else in need, and in exchange we will send you money. The amount of money you get all depends on what you’re willing to give and how much of it. If you’re feeling unsure about this, please be sure to review the testimonials on our website. We also have a page which lists the types of donations we accept and they’re worth.”

“So, you want some of my clothes?” I mocked. “Isn’t that what the salvation army is for?”

“No, I’m afraid clothes aren’t the type of donations we are searching for. Donations must come from a part of you, for example; you have quite a full head of hair don’t you, Crystal? Have you ever contemplated donating it to help those with cancer? Doesn’t your mother currently have cancer?”

(Crystal pauses)

I...I uh, I don’t talk much about this. I don’t feel like it’s really anyone’s business but for the sake of this “story” and the truth, I’ll get a little personal. My mother found out she had cancer in January of last year. And just like any struggling family, once the news hit home we had no idea what to do. Neither of my parents had the kind of money to cover chemotherapy. College was completely out of the question for me unless I won a scholarship or attended community. I didn’t care about that though, I was so afraid all of sudden. My mom was going to die because we didn’t have the money to help her survive...I didn’t know how much her treatment costs, all I knew was that we just didn’t have it.  

“How do you know that? I’ve never told anyone, not even my best friend.”

“As I stated before our database has logged in quite an amount of information about you. I see that you are also from a family who is currently struggling financially. Your father’s a drunk and your mother’s time is growing shorter every day. Working with us could change your life for the better.”

“Isn’t this against the law or something? What kind of business is this what the hell?”

I hung up the phone and took a breath. There was no way I was going to sit there and listen to anything else he had to say. This was just another organization like Red Cross or something, only different in all kinds of ways. So maybe, it wasn’t a joke and I guess the homeless man was simply trying to help others and maybe he just didn't know all that much about this organization. I don’t know, honestly.

I didn’t call Jane back like I promised, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was too busy staring at the notification on my phone. I really did get an email and even though Jasper said I would be receiving one it still was a bit surprising. If they really had my email then they most certainly had my address as well...and if they had my address did that mean that I was possibly being watched? The hairs on my arms stood on end as I tapped the email and tapped once more on the link which directed me to the official Exeter Inc. website.

I couldn’t find anything on the website that appeared out of the ordinary. If anything, I felt like I was just skimming through a brochure of some ordinary health facility. If that makes sense…it’s the best way I can describe it, alright? Cut me some slack. I’m “insane” remember?

I didn’t call back...right away. Even if the website was real how the hell did that guy know so much about me? I contemplated calling the police but I knew it’d get my father involved and his alcohol addiction would take the focus off of this. I’d probably be taken away by child protective services or something. I didn’t know what to do. I sat in my bed and continued eyeing my phone until it locked. My brain practically split in two; one half considering the donation and the other half completely disregarding it.

If I donated my hair, I could put that money towards helping my mother. That’s if this organization is as reliable as they say. Even as I reviewed the testimonials of other people  supposedly making donations how could I really be certain? I’d probably get scammed and end up bald for however long although I think being bald would be the least of my worries if some random corporation had my hair.

This became a game of tug-o-war in my mind. Should I risk it and at least try to do something for my mom, especially since there was no way my father was going to get anything done. Or, did I just put this entire thing behind me? I think the decision I made is pretty obvious.

 On Sunday, I called back after doing another good half-hour of research. I also made sure to call once I was home alone, even though my father never paid much attention to me I still didn’t want to risk any questions. If I was going to do this, I wanted to do it on my own for my own reasons.

“Hello again, Crystal.” It was the same man from before. Jasper. I don’t know why I expected someone else to answer, I guess I figured maybe they had multiple people waiting to take calls.

“How many inches of my hair do I have to cut?” I asked immediately.

“So you’ve considered it! Wonderful, I’m sure your mother will greatly appreciate this. 8 inches is preferred but we’ve allowed a few women and men, to donate up to 7 in the past, anything below that is not acceptable. In the e-mail there is an attachment with our shipping address. We’re aware that our building is quite distant from your location so that should make it  a bit easier. You will receive your money back in the form of a check mailed to the address our database has filed you under. Is your current location your home?”

“Yes but...how much will I get for this?” This was what I really wanted to know.

“Hair is worth five hundred. We also take fingernails and toenails as donation, those are worth twenty-five for simple clippings. Once again, on our website there is a section which lists all the possible donations which can be made.”

I gagged at the image my mind created, one filled with toenail clippings scattered all over the place. It caused my entire body to shiver,  “what does anyone need that for?”

He said something about how our nails can be used to study cell growth. Then he went on saying a bunch of scientific bullshit that I’d never heard before. My mind completely blanked out, I was simply thinking of the amount of money I would possibly be making….

If it wasn’t obvious enough, I cut my hair off and mailed it. I didn’t have to think twice about it. The website appeared okay to me and after we went over details on my location and the time frame of shipping, I felt….good. I felt like I was doing the right thing. I even clipped my nails too because why not? That’s more money in my pocket. The more money the better and once I had at least five-thousand or maybe...maybe ten-thousand, then I could...do something I never thought I’d be able to.

Bottom line is, cutting my hair off in order to get money was not something I had to think twice about. Yes, I was aware that I could have donated my hair a long time ago but the hospital looking after my mother only took hair donations to create wigs--which I still would have done but my mother told me to not even think about.

I could do this though. It was okay now!

(Crystal speaks cheerfully through tears)

The money came! Within two weeks, right on schedule. One thousand dollars...I had one thousand dollars! I didn’t have to worry about my father getting to the mail first because he normally slept through his never ending hangovers and didn’t get to the mail until somewhere around the evening. Without a second thought I went straight to bank to put this away into my savings. Only problems I faced were the looks people gave me now that all my hair was gone. The odd looks came from classmates that I happened to run into, everyone was still kinda shocked by the new look. I can’t even begin to tell you how horrible Jane’s reaction was.

I still hadn’t told her about Exeter yet, I wanted to wait until I finally had all the money together. Until then, I was going to make sure to keep this hidden from everyone.

(Crystal chuckles)

You know, when I first came to this place and went through the whole screening routine...I was told that I had schizophrenia. When my dad found out, he wasn’t the least bit surprised. He said it was something that ran in his family and he had hoped it’d skip over me but I just wasn’t lucky enough. Funny right? I think it’s hilarious. It’s funny to think that someone can ask you a few silly questions and pronounce you as clinically ill. Is it really possible to know when you’ve gone insane? I mean like, if some random lady in a coat stares at me for thirty minutes and declared me insane then couldn’t I just do that to myself? Shouldn’t I know myself better than anyone? So how would I know? It’s been...I don’t even know how long and I still don’t feel the way I’d imagine an insane person to feel. Maybe you can help me piece that together after I get into this next part….

Let me tell you, fingernails are pretty tough to remove entirely. There’s a lot of blood involved and the pain is….I don’t even know the word. I still remember ripping the first one off. I took the pliers I stole from my dad’s tool box and dug underneath the edge of my nail, where I had previously clipped off. A few deep breaths later, I squeezed the handles as close together as possible and yanked back with force. I didn’t even give myself a chance to hesitate.

The pain was...unlike anything I’ve ever felt. Sure, I’ve fallen and scraped a knee, I probably stubbed my toe on furniture billions of times but nothing was quite as excruciating as this. I remember the screaming, the way my voice cracked. I felt like I knocked my own breath right out of my lungs. My hand felt warm all of sudden, then I noticed it was just the blood oozing down my index finger. It was a constant pain, like a bee stinging you over and over again, reminding you of it’s existence. I..I looked at my finger and remember thinking….wow I really did it. The entire nail was gone and I held it in my other hand as proof. But then I went into panic, there was so much blood and it just kept coming, this wasn’t something I could just pop into my mouth for a few minutes and be done with it. Never, in my life had I seen a red so dark it was practically garnet.

I hadn’t noticed I was crying until my tears trailed down to my lips and I tasted them—and like the dumbass that I am, I wiped my face with my blood covered hand. Once I finally got a hold of myself I bandaged up my finger with the first-aid kit, I had ready beside me.

But I had done it! I removed an entire nail and now I could send it away and I knew, I knew I was going to get a lot for this. This was big, this wasn’t like a regular clipping you know? I-it was the entire fucking nail…….and then a thought ran through my head. What if...I took off all of them? Imagine the amount I’d be receiving for ten nails! Like, after that I would definitely have enough for myse-

(Crystal catches herself mid-sentence. Gasping. Her legs begins swinging back and forth and she lets out a shaky laugh.)

F-for my mother....I’d have enough money to make sure that my mother would survive through her cancer. Once I was certain that she would make it, I’d start using the rest of the money to better my own life. I know I’m only sixteen but I figured with the right amount of money I would be fine on my own. I’d get my own house because I was so sick of staying with my father. He never cooked, he never cleaned all he did was wallow in the sheer sadness of losing my mother. Each and every night he came home from work it was the same routine, he’d drag himself over to the kitchen to grab a beer from the refrigerator and then disappear into his room. For the rest of the night I’d hear nothing but the T.V. at it’s maximum volume. I now had the power to remove myself from that though, I’d just do few more donations and leave without a word.

Unfortunately for me, that was easier said than done. The wait in between donations was always the most difficult. I always feared that maybe the money would just never show up and now this company had my DNA circulating through their building.

A couple weeks past, I was in my room listening to music and changing the bandages on all of my fingers. You probably thought I was kidding about ripping off each and every one of them, didn’t you? Do you want me to describe the pain I felt in each? How each one bled a little differently than the other? Sometimes the blood just came gushing out, like an endless river just enveloping my hand in a crimson pool. Other times, it came slow...I almost thought it wouldn’t bleed at all. I bet my father hasn’t gotten around to cleaning the blood stains in my room yet…

(another pause)

One night at around one, I received a notification. It was an email from Exeter Inc. There were no links to anything or attachments, nothing. Instead, it read a single message.

“It’s going to take some time waiting for your hair and nails to grow back. Does your mother have much time left? You have much more to give Crystal, consider it.”

My eyes squinted as I reread the message over.

How long would it take until my hair reached my waist again? How long for all of my nails to be healed? Would my mom still be alive then? I wasn’t even sure if the hospital had plans on keeping her there. It’s not like she was earning them any money, if anything she was nothing but a burden to them...they’d remove her soon. Then what? What could me and my dad possibly do once she’s out of the hospital?

I had to give something else, but what? What more did I have? What else was there?

My reflection stared back at me through the mirror for a good ten minutes before my brain finally pieced together what was so blatantly obvious. My hands were on my face with my fingers touching my cheeks so delicately. My fingers….touching….my cheeks. My fingers. My fucking fingers. I….I could give them away, just one or two of them. I’m sure I…..No. No, that was insane. That was pure insanity. How could I possibly cut off my fingers? With what?! No, I wasn’t thinking straight.

I ignored the email and went to bed. I couldn’t let those kind of thoughts get to me. I needed to wait  and that was the only logical choice. While I waited I would just go back to a semi-normal life.

Two days later I received another email as I was using the bathroom in school (and yes, if you’re wondering, Jane questioned me for hours about my fingers). I’ve always been a great liar though so setting her mind at ease was a piece of cake.

“Are you really going to let your mother die? It’ll be your fault.”

Another came after an additional two days.

“You are the only one who can save her Crystal, you can’t afford to waste anymore time.”

Then another.

“How are you going to attend your mother’s funeral knowing you’re the reason for it all?”

And the final one came in at the end of another school day.

“This won’t stop. You could try calling the police Crystal but when you do how will you help your mom then?”

I reported all the emails as spam and went straight home. I couldn’t let Jane see me balling my eyes out. Not her and not anyone else. I ran home and locked myself in my room. There I cried my eyes out on the floor and it felt as though time stopped all around me. It was just me, by myself, crying.

At this point I thought I’d have to involve the police in this. This was no longer just simple business, I was being harassed! I’d call the police and report every--

No, that was stupid. If I called the police they’d question me about my injuries and I couldn’t lie and say that I was forced. I gave my nails and hair away willingly so what was I really reporting? I didn’t know anymore, all I knew was my mom was going to die. I had to make money so that my mom could live. I had to make money so that I could get the hell out of here. I needed the money, I needed the money, I needed the money, I needed the fucking money.

(Crystal shakes her head violently)

I snapped. I...I don’t know how, i-it just happened. It’s not really something I can sit here and explain to you, because I can’t even explain it to myself.

(Crystal grins)

You’re curious now, I see it all over your face. It’s hard to believe I did this to myself isn’t it? Hard to believe that I not only did it but I survived it too. I cut off my fingers, hand, and forearm. In that order. Not all at once, are you crazy? I did it in….sessions, for lack of a better word. I wasn’t about to stop their too believe it or not I was somewhat addicted to this. Crazy, isn’t it?

Huh? Why? Because I needed the money…

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have superhuman strength or anything. I feel pain just as much as the next person but I….I wasn’t about to let it interfere. I couldn’t allow it and I couldn’t allow myself to wait any longer. Not while my mother’s life was at stake and mine too! I got rid of the fingers first….j-just two of them. I did it in the kitchen while my father was out for the night visiting my mother at the hospital. He told her about me cutting my hair and she was a bit worried but...neither of them knew what I had done with it so I didn’t expect them to understand. Also, with my father being the way that he is I’m sure he chalked it off as some sort of teen phase. Yeah dad, very spot on.

In the kitchen I grabbed the sharpest knife I could find and stood at the counter, where I then placed my hand on top of. The breaths began to come in rapidly, my eyes flickered from the knife to my hand, knife, hand, knife, hand, over and over. Doubt crept on me and a tingle went down my spine, one that I’ve only felt when Jane would drop an ice cube down my shirt. Deep down, I knew I had absolutely no idea how I was going to go about this but there wasn’t time to plan anything out. I was running so short on time, I had to get the money now or my mother...was going….to die and it would my fault. I’d have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life.

I brought the knife up...and slammed it down on my index and middle finger. Blood was everywhere in an instant and I hadn’t even realized I was screaming because my ears were ringing. I messed up, I didn’t cut all the way through so my fingers were still attached, barely but still h-hanging, t-they were just hanging and touching my palm. I was sobbing uncontrollably, choking on my own saliva and watching as the blood just poured down my arm and dripped onto the tiles. The counter was splattered with blood and so was the knife, my shirt and pants stained as well. I held my hand up to my face and cried out, the pain was unbearable and this time it wasn’t like a bee stinging me over and over again. It was like the knife was still slamming down again and again and again onto to my fingers.

….When I came to my senses I took care of the damage. I managed to stop the bleeding after what felt like forever, bandage myself up and for the rest of the night I was in the kitchen cleaning up my torment.

Three weeks later, I removed my hand.  It was useless now with only three fingers. Still, maybe it would be useful to someone else and I was closing in on five-thousand. So close, I was so close and then I could help the way I’ve been wanting to. And then we wouldn’t have to struggle anymore. I took myself shopping--online mostly--and told myself that I’d make the money back up as soon as possible. I did it in my room early in the morning. It took forever and the amount of blood nearly caused me to vomit. I was driving the knife back and forth, back and forth against my skin for so long no amount of pain killers could hold back the cries I let out. My dad wouldn’t hear me though, he had the T.V. blasting. H-he had the T.V. just blaring and I was nearly killing myself to save someone that we both loved. I guess I just loved her a little more.

Just a few more bandages. The bleeding wasn’t as bad even it was a lot, but I managed to control it. I managed to make a clean cut the first try. I’m no doctor but I seen a lot of horror movies and they couldn’t all be just a load of bullshit.

Jane was a wreck worrying about me, she expressed it in her texts and every time I saw her, which wasn’t as often as it used to be. I was missing school alot to avoid having to deal with explaining myself. My father mentioned a call from the principal I think maybe one time and then continued with his sulking. He was never going to save my mom, I was the only one who could do it. Only me.

(laughter)

I began to look like one of those old greek sculptures of a person with a missing arm or forearm or leg. You know, the old ones that someone probably broke by accident and they just labeled the damage as art. That was me. I was art. What I was doing was okay, I could always buy a mechanical arm with the money, right? I had to do this, I had to.

I never got around to getting that arm though. At least not while I’m cooped up in this shit hole.

Removing it was something no amount of amnesia or dementia or anything would be able to erase.. and this is when my father finally caught me. It’s strange how I look back and wonder….how hadn’t he noticed before? Had he really not heard my cries? Did he really not ever notice the blood or that little by little, there was beginning to be less and less of me? I had no fucking hand! For two weeks! And not once did he say a fucking thing to me. Did he even care? I’ll answer that for you, no.

(Deep sigh)

Early Saturday morning, my father got a call. It was from the hospital where my mother was being treated. They told him that… that she passed away in her sleep last night and that they were sorry for the loss. They had done everything in their power, is what they said to him. I guess everything just wasn’t enough. I guess nothing I had done was enough either. I had done all of this and for what? I was too late, I couldn’t help her and now I was being sent off like an unwanted pet. That was the first time I saw my dad become animate. The minute he caught me in my room I tried explaining, I told him about Exeter Inc. and I told him that I had just made enough money to help mom...but he didn’t believe me. He didn’t understand that I was just trying to help and I was willing to give up anything….

For money? Or for my mother….?

I know this all sounds like one big made up story but you have to believe me. I don’t know why you can’t find any evidence, isn’t the FBI supposed to be good at their fucking job? I was on their website before, I even googled Exeter Inc. and multiple links appeared so how can you possibly be saying to me that there’s not a single trace of them anywhere? How do you explain all the money I was receiving? I don’t come from a wealthy family so my mother wouldn’t have--she wouldn’t have died! Please, I’m not lying. I...I can show you this is real. Just...just let me make another donation. How about that? Will that work? I’ll c-cut off my foot this time and show you the shipping process. Then you’ll believe me, won’t you?

(Crystal sighs defeatedly)

I’ve explained myself so many times. I’ve gone over this story over and over and not once do I change the words or add something new. I don’t take anything out, I don’t change anything. If I were lying, wouldn’t I make a mistake somewhere throughout telling you all of this? I’m starting to think that this isn’t about me, you guys just want a story to pass on, rumors to spread or something. Everything I said is true and in ten years this story will still be true.

I’m done now…..just leave me the fuck alone.

*******************************************************************************************

Extended notes/analysis written by Dr. Griffin. A psychiatrist at Friends Hospital:

Patient #7

Diagnostics: Schizophrenia and Apotemnophilia.

We have come to the conclusion that the fear of losing her mother is what triggered the first symptoms of schizophrenia. To amend for the upcoming loss, the patient created a fictitious setting in which she would be put in the position to conquer her fears. She also claims that a student, known as Jane, was a good friend. Interrogation shows that Jane and the patient were not as close as she had described. Therefore leading to the belief that many moments where “Jane” is spoken of, really are just delusions and proof of a possible personality disorder.

The patient continuously speaks of shipping away “donations” however fails to describe how and where. The patient also claims to have spoken on the phone with this particular corporation yet the number provided is not and has never been in service. It’s possible that, if such a thing exists, they could have simply disconnected the phone however they would still be quite easy to track. As of now we are still finding nothing.

Further FBI research tells us that this made up corporation known as “Exeter Inc.”simply held no existence. The money, in which the patient still believes to possess, was cleared from her bank. The traces have yet to be uncovered however, detectives have suggested that the patient could have hidden the money somewhere beforehand.

If the money did previously exist in her account, that would lead to reason that perhaps this corporation could be real. Other suggestions show that the patient could have also been borrowing large amounts of money on each trip to the bank and her mental instability hid the truth.

The patient’s sudden desire for amputation leads suspicions towards the father. Although all doctors have stated every wound was, in fact, self inflicted there still is reason to believe another may have been involved. Considering the weight, age, mental and physical factors of said patient, removing something such as a hand, on her own, would result in dizziness and an potential blackout.

This theory is denied by the patient who claims to have had no help at all.

As for the father, for the relentless negligence in his child’s life he is being faced with separate charges. It should also be noted that he was found unconscious and surrounded by large amount of drugs to which he claims to have never used. His blood work however proves the opposite.

Though the mother of the patient has passed away, the girl still asks to speak with her occasionally. She also seems to believe that this Exeter Inc may still be watching her. A straight jacket has been provided to keep the patient from any further attempts to scratch and harm herself in order to make a final “donation.”

This case is still open to detectives who wish to uncover what they believe to be the truth.

-- Story 1 of 7