#i guess thats the million dollar question

[ilylovelyz]

housewife! reader w traditional! manly! ushijima makes my knees weak omg. the thought of this man training all day to come home to his little housewife and a home cooked meal!! he doesn’t care that you aren’t done setting the table he’s gonna bend you over it anyways. he’s just so in love w you!

sjdjjwje

this is kinda dark but the thought of him hiding ur birth control pills or replacing them with the sugar pills so he can knock you up oh my daysss like what’s the point of letting him fill your womb if he can’t put a baby in there :(

⍣ ೋ Million Dollar Man

˚ · . dilf!ushijima x afab!reader

: ̗̀➛ dubious consent of impreg (?), birth control sabotage, traditional!husband ushijima, stay at home/housewife!reader, kitchen sex (yummy), misogyny (?), breeding, degradation + humiliation, size comparison, size kink, big dick toshi, dacryphilia, cervix fucking, just a whole lotta breeding <3, mentions of pregnancy dur

࣪𓏲ּ i was originally gonna work on an angsty fic for hinata but this was calling me </3 ushijima is so lana del rey

you're screwed up and brilliant you look like a million dollar man

"i'm home." he calmly says, careful to not close the door so noisy.

he takes off his shoes like normal, changing into his house slippers shortly after. he's inhaling eagerly, the scent of well-cooked rice filling his senses.

he walks to the kitchen, his slipper clad feet softly pattering against the natural wood that is his traditional house's flooring. he passes by the doorway that connects to the living room, glancing in and stealing a look that is his first born daughter napping on the floor next to his also sleeping second daughter.

he makes a mental note to not be so loud as they are napping, he knows better than to disturb them.

"welcome home, wakatoshi." you say with that warm smile of yours, eyes crinkling up at the sight of your husband. he softly smiles at you in return, grunting softly in response.

his eyes look over to the stove, a large pot with a cover surely boiling, and then to the rice cooker; which is what he assumes is full of already well-done rice.

he looks back at you curiously, he can only guess what you're making, he doesn't cook often, thats your job as a housewife.

"i'm makin' hayashi rice, you're favorite."

his cheeks can only tingle with shyness, to anyone he might just look ungrateful or monotonous, but it's far from that.

he adores you.

"thank you," he says, taking a few steps towards you until his chest is a few inches away from your face.

he towers over you, you have a tiny frame compared to his almost gigantic one. some have even questioned the two of you about it, stealing a couple of snide jokes here and there.

he can't lie and say that he doesn't find it "interesting." he brings a hand suddenly up to your head, patting your hair lightly. you blush lightly at his affection, leaning into his gentle touches.

he doesn't understand why you still get so shy around him, but he doesn't mind it. he likes that you're so humble and polite, even when it comes to your own husband that you've known since the young age of 17. you're 33 now.

"hm," he hums lightly, leaning down to press a kiss onto your forehead. he places a few kisses on your forehead, temple and nose before he's taking your chin in-between his fingers and tilting your head upwards so he can kiss you on your lips.

it still surprises you, how he can take your breath away from one kiss. as his hands wrap around your upper back to bring you closer to him, you can only think back to the time when the two of you were younger and less experienced, him having less experience than you, so you had to lead him with the expertise you had.

it was cute then, the way he was the one who trembled under your touch, looking at you curiously for the courtesy to touch you.

oh, how time flies. now the two of you own a home together, and have two children together, two beautiful girls, the youngest still a little less than a year old.

while ushijima has always been so stoic and known for it, he, over the many years that have passed, has become twice the man he was those years ago.

it almost flusters you, and you can't help but look back on those younger days with a bittersweet smile, remembering the little boy who would ask to hold your hand.

you fluster at the way his strong hands are tearing your clothes off boldly in the middle of the kitchen, his mouth breathing in your sweet gasps for air as he kisses you passionately.

he cups the side of your face, holding your face still as he all but explores your mouth with his own tongue. you tremble within his hold, your ankles almost giving in weakly just because of a simple kiss.

he notices, and with a squeal, he's lifting you up easily into his arms, walking over to the dinner table, using one of his arms to move aside the dishes you precariously chose for that night. dinner can wait, you guess.

he lays you over the cold wooden table, his hands caressing and rubbing your bare skin. you look beautiful underneath him, eyes already glazed over with tears, mouth red and plush. your neck has fading love bruises and bites, he takes note of it to make sure to go over them once more later.

his hand comes up to fondle your breast, his other running down your torso and down to your back thigh. you mindlessly softly moan at his touches, it always feels good to be touched by him.

but he shushes you, leaning downwards to rest his forehead against yours. "you'll have to be quiet, you don't wanna wake up the kids, don't you?" he whispers softly, in contrast, his fingers are already gliding themselves over your folds, dipping a finger into your already dripping cunt.

you gasp at his lewd actions, an eyebrow raising at his words. "d-don't you think i-it's a bit unfair to say that and then.." you meekly say, trailing off when he adds in another finger, curling them inside and pressing against your sensitive walls.

"..and then what?" he teases, punctuating his sentence by pressing his finger-pads against that sweet spot. your body jolts with pleasure, a hand of yours coming up to clamp over your mouth to muffle your pathetic moans.

"y-you're mean," you mumble out, eyes stinging with shy tears. it has your eyes widening when he's visibly smirking at your words, pupils dilated and dark with pure lust.

"you're so naughty, don't you feel ashamed, as a mother, to be so wet like this on the diner table of all places? isn't this where your kids eat?" he boldly says, adding in a third finger as to worsen his seeming punishment. bastard.

"t-this isn't—it's not–you're such a bastard..!" you stutter out, your free hand coming up to punch lightly against his chest. he lightly chuckles at your words before he returns to his menacing actions.

"why don't you cum on my fingers like this, mama? don't be so loud, you'll wake your dear kids." he says, standing up straight to watch the way your body trembles and jolts with pleasure at his words. like command, despite your own pleas and mewls of disapproval, you're cumming on his fingers like a whore, on his word.

thats how it should be.

you're panting on against the dinner table, hiding your face into the crook of your elbow. you're quickly setting your attention back on him when he calls out your name, opening your mouth submissively when he presses his the same fingers that are covered in your own cum against your lips, feverly sucking up your own juices from his fingers.

you blush once more when he's lightly scoffing at your actions, his free hand coming up to rush his pants and boxers off, freeing his cock and lining himself up to your cunt. "don't be loud, mama," you gasp at his words, his fat tip popping into the tight confines of your pussy walls.

his pace is already ruthless, almost taunting you as he lifts your leg over his shoulder, his cock snugly fitting against your cervix with every thrust. you try your best not to be so loud, but it's a hard task to do, especially when he's purposely abusing all of your weak spots.

his eyes narrow at your state underneath him, grunting against the skin of your calf when he sees a tear run down your cheek. "crying? does it feel good?" he asks menacingly, his free hand coming up to squish your cheeks together degradingly, forcing you to pout within his grip.

it only makes you cry harder at his mean gestures, he never fails to make you feel so little, so small. all count of restrain is lost as you shamelessly moan and cry out at his unrelentingly pounding, cheeks burning greatly as you give into his clear humiliation.

he's almost uncharacteristically grinning at your defeat, bending your leg inwards to your chest, almost bending you in half. you grip onto his forearm for purchase when you're unexpectedly cumming once more, vision going white when he doesn't even slow down.

his right hand comes down to squeeze at your doughy breast, noticing that it's lacking the milk you used to have a few months ago. no, that won't do.

"'gonna cum inside." he declares, his other hand coming down to lift the leg that is dangling off the table so as you get you into the perfect mating press. your eyes are widening bewilderedly at his words, a little shocked.

"b-but i'm not on birth control," you mutter out, but from the way he doesn't falter in his thrusts, it seems he already knows. yeah, of course he knows, he threw them away awhile ago. you don't need those silly pills anymore, you're his wife, your duty is to stay at home, raise his kids, and have as many kids as he pleases.

"t-toshi, utako is not even a year old–ah," you cry out, only to be silenced when ushijima is shoving his tongue back down your throat.

"you're my wife, don't you want my babies?" he asks, stilling his hips, his cock pulled out to the tip. he stares at you expectantly.

you're thinking for a few seconds, he doesn't assume anything in particular except of his cock. you're braindead like that, having nothing but a mommy brain after the last few times he's fucked you so well and good that he got you knocked up.

"..want toshi's babies.." you sob, throwing your head back when you're once again coming around his cock once he continued his thrusts at your words once more, your pussy sloshing lewdly with every movement.

yes, of course you want his babies. that's what you're made for. that's what your lovely existence is for, to cook him a good dinner and then spread your legs for him as dessert. whats a good woman if she doesn't submit to her husband?

he's grateful that you're a good woman, one that is so intelligent yet submissive to him. one that is letting him stuff you fill of his thick seed, letting her hard-working husband fill her yet again full with their third child.

it's just this that you're expected to give, you don't have to do much aside from look after the house and the children you produce, you can do whatever you want with the free time you have left, whether it's the beautiful paintings you create, or the horrendous amount of shopping you do with his credit card.

"i love you," he whispers softly against your ear, noting from the way your chest is rising slowly means that you passed out. dinner still hasn't been served, but thats okay. you've probably had a long day too.

౨ৎ please leave a like and repost with tags

[angelyuji]

heyy guyss... how y'all doing.... anyway here are some elias thoughts sorry if these are ooc... i havent listened to tma in a month and im on episode 161...

tw // spoilers for tma, creepy boss bouchard, nothing too crazy actually which is new for me lol

im watching smallville and catching up on another podcast and also taking 3 summer classes.... what if i kms guys... jk ;)

also hey babe this is for u @soupyboiii

the only way to meet elias is if you work at the archives. so the very first time you meet him is at your job interview. he's not creepy in a pervy sort of way but creepy in a... horror movie kinda way lol you felt like he was staring into your soul but he was hot so you forgave him.

you sit patiently, waiting to be called. you needed the job, with your savings account running low and your degree being of no use, you’d be willing to get on your knees and beg for a job. ‘if im gonna beg, i hope he’s hot at least.’

“(y/n) (l/n)?” you look up to see him. ‘oh fuck, he is hot’ he tilts his head at you and you jump up.

“hi! mr. bouchard, right?” you reach out your hand to shake and he takes it. his hand was cold and you felt a chill go down your spine. he doesn’t move, keeping your hand in place. you feel an uncomfortable prickling on the back of your neck.

“follow me.” he smiles and lets go of your hand. you follow into his office. he gestures to a chair in front of his desk. once you were both settled in, he looks over your file and gives you a once-over. “what made you want to work here?”

‘crushing loans’ “honestly, i’ve always wanted to work at a library! it’s very peaceful and i love to be surrounded by books, so when i saw the job listing, i knew i had to apply.” you smile.

he hums, “would you want to work with people or be down in the archives?”

you pause to think, ‘i’d rather work with people than a dingy basement, i guess…’ “i’d rather work with people. i’ve had a lot of-”

he interrupts you, “i’m glad to hear. do you have any other questions?”

‘are you married? do you date younger people?’ “i can’t think of anything right now.” you smile and shrug, sheepishly. he gives you an unnerving smile and you can feel your smile falter.

“you’re perfect.”

you rarely see him after that interview and the few times you do see him, it'll be glimpses of him leaving his office to meet the archival team or back.

in my mind, the day that like really sets him forward on persuing you would be like a one-on-one performance review or smth like that (im definitely not taking this from a fanfic i started and never finished or posted)

he listens to you talk about how much you love the job and get into your head to actually see what you mean... and what you mean is "i wanna fuck this guy". that piques his interest so he asks you the million dollar question.

"would you like to work in the archives? i think they could really use your skills down there." elias stares you down.

"sorry, what?" you were surprised at the offer. you hadn't said anything about wanting to work there, happy and content with your currect position and paycheck.

"of course, you would get a raise and a couple of other benefits, but i would love to work more closely with you (y/n)." he stands and moves in front of his desk, leaning against the table.

'more... closely....' your thoughts run wild as you feel heat creep up your cheeks. "i'm not sure how i could help, mr. bouchard." you wring your hands in your lap. elias leans down to grab your hands, softly. you feel his breath on your neck as he leans to whisper in your ear.

"please, love, call me elias."

need him!!!!

he kinda reminds me of william afton like when i think of boss willy i think of elias

except boss willy afton creep factor leans more to pervert while elias creep factor leans more into mysterious boss who also raises the hair on the back of your neck yk? iykyk as they say

anyway thats all i can think of rn bye :)

[kenthenugget]

Dear Watcher....

This is going to be about the youtube channel Watcher and a recent video that they released earlier today, so if you dont watch the channel, or older content produced by Ryan, Shane and Steven at Buzzfeed, this is not going to make sense to you. This only going to be for those who are a fan of Watcher, or are fans of Buzzfeed Unsolved so if you are, that's great!

Earlier today, I got a video notifcation from the channel titled, "goodbye youtube", and it was definitely not something I wanted to see. There is a recent trend this year of youtubers retiring or taking a break this year and I was scared this was that scenario. And it kind of was but way worse. Basically, the guys over at Watcher are going to be posting on their new streaming service called....Watcher. And, no, it is not a late April Fools joke, that's actually what their doing. Initially, I was in a state of shock after I watched through the entire video. I, no joke, went through the 5 stages of grief upon viewing this announcement and was thrown through a loop to where I struggled to focus on sketching one of my comic pages. So much so that I actually made a deviant blog post about it the moment I finished watching the video (most of the content from this post will be copied and pasted from that blog so declaimer I guess). After having some time to absorb this information, I have to say that Im really disappointed with the guys over at Watcher. Like Im not mad to where Im completely done with their content but.......WHY!?

I think at this point in time that a lot of people, myself included, are burnout with the whole streaming boom we've had for the past 5 years in no part thanks to those greedy bastards at Disney....but thats another story. I miss the days when there were only 2 to 3 main streaming services and not 5 billion other services that you need to buy in order to watch a show you like that was on Netflix but it now locked behind a pay wall. Streaming services used by a novelty concept but are now not looked upon in the best light. So for the them to announce a streaming service now is definitely a bad look, especially because the content before was free to access. I feel like creators will always have an uphill battle when it comes to content that was initially free being locked behind a paywall, because you're potentially isolating your audience and bringing up the question of weather your audience if loyal enough to give you money to enjoy your content. Now, like I said, I love and respect the people at Watcher, but I dont know if I'm willing to take money out of my wallet to watch the next season of Ghost Files. Especially in this economy, where in some parts of the country a big mac now costs 20 fucking dollars, and with inflation going out of control.

Now its not like I don't understand why they're doing this. Ever since its founding in 2019, Watcher has always had troubles with money, with most of their shows not being profitable enough to make ends meet (I know that sounds bs because most of their vidoes get millions of views but this is coming from one of the founders Steven, in an update video from a while ago so idk, views probably mean jack shit in the grand scheme of things). And the fact that they started around the pandemic didn't help things either. Unlike Buzzfeed, Watcher is a much smaller company so any loss that happens is felt much more than if it was a larger one. In the video itself, they mentioned that most of their money came through youtube ads and sponsorships, which, while alright if you're an independent creator, may not be enough for a company. And then there's the fact that YouTube can remove or demonetize videos out of nowhere and for the dumbest reasons so its not a very stable sight to base your income off of. So I can understand why they felt moving on from YouTube was a good idea. But..........I think there were better ways of going about it than creating their own fucking streaming service. Like, in one of their update vidoes, they said most of their shows werent making ends meet so maybe cutting back on the production of said shows to make them not as expensive to produce would be a good solution. In their announcement vid, they talked about wanting to maintain their high production value for their shows without going under but (and I dont mean this to slight them) I dont think they understand why they popped off in the first place. For me, Im not watching Ghost Files or Mystery Files for high production value and fancy graphics, Im there for Ryan and Shane. Same reason I loved Buzzfeed Unsolved, which compared to those shows is much more bare bones. I get wanting to step up your production value from what you had at Buzzfeed but if you have budget out in certain places which would entail having a season that doesnt look as good as the previous season, that's completely fine. Im sure me and the rest of fans wouldn't have minded a downgrade because at the end of the day, the fancy sets and graphics are window dressing to why we're truly watching.

I also thinking letting us know ahead of time would've possibly softened the blow. Watcher is in a very interesting situation because there's a much closer relationship between them and their customer base as opposed to traditional companies. So they really could've been like "hey! We're thinking about having future content be on our own streaming service because doing business through YouTube is fucking us over. What do you guys think?". One explanation as to why they waited until now instead of a few months ago when this idea was sparked could've been because they knew they would get backlash and they were going ahead with the streaming service idea regardless of fan input, which might be the reason. But if that's the case, they probably would've had the comments and likes disabled from the start. Right before I started typing this, I checked the video to see if the comments were disabled and they are thankfully still there. Im someone who always wants to see the good in people (which is definitely a character flaw of mine and while defiently lead to me being at the end of an abusive relationship........another abusive relationship but lets not go there), so I think this might be the case of Ryan, Shane and Steven, thinking the streaming service was a good idea and not reading the room properly.

At this point, Im hoping that they dont do things that could make this situation 10 times worse: a) removing the existing content (Mystery Files, Puppet History, etc) off the youtube channel and having it on their streaming service. If you are going to have new seasons of those shows behind a paywall, at least have that content still up for those who want to support but cant purchase the service......b) respond to the critism in a negative way. I think things would be made worse if they lumped genuine fans who are concerned with the new direction with the trolls and haters, and double down on this new direction. Im hoping this situation ends up being a slip up that they can learn from and not being the beginning of the downfall of the Watcher gang. No joke, I think Ryan and Shane are the only youtubers who have avoided any sort of drama up to now. Youtubers I once respected over the years from Tobuscus to Leafyishere to H3H3 to Idubbz to even fucking Dream have all fell from grace in one way or another, and Im hoping the ghoul boys dont join that list....

[suchagallabitch]

🫵weekly wednesday tag 🫵

omg I (simple old me?) have been bestowed upon the honour of coming up with these questions??? i would like to thank the academy for this most sacred honour 😋

1. if you could switch bodies with anybody for only one hour who would it be and what would you do? I think I gotta say taylor swift OBVI. first off im gonna dropping ME! acoustic version. Then I’m gonna hope lover deluxe is already recorded, drop that. If not i will make sure to text Jack and tell him that we need to record it so that i get it either way 😼. Then I would find out the definite truth of what happened between her and Karlie Kloss. I’d wire myself (as in me- me) a few million dollars, pet the cats and then post something really random on her instagram story. Literally want to make the public go absolutely bananas trying to figure out why taylor posted a random twitter meme. I have a lot of faith to believe this could all happen in an hour but I would try. SO hard.

2. whats your most trivial / dumbest hot take?I don’t think we should still be discovering animals. like what do you mean in the year of our lord 2023 we are STILL finding animals?? no they should all be discovered and if they havent been then i think they should stay undiscovered.

3. if you had to teach a college course what would it be in? I feel like we’re all expecting me to say something Taylor related but honestly I could teach a masterclass on the psychology of Ryan Murphy. I hate that man and i have so much to say about him and his productions

4. season 12 of shameless is suddenly happen and youve been put in charge! what plot point(s) are you gonna make happen? I cant think of anything substantial to actually contribute but i want Carl Gallagher to have a fruity little vape. I also want to see him quit the force and flourish in a new job!

5. who would be your godly parent? (can be any mythology). I’m gonna go with greeks as a Percy Jackson stan. I asked my bsf who is an expert in greek mythology. She said: “you’re a Aphrodite child cuz you’re a hopeless romantic and you appreciate beauty. You’re very particular in how you’re viewed and how everything you produce is viewed (what you write, how your feed looks like, etc.)” - I’m gonna have to agree with her on Aphrodite

6. what’s something you love about yourself? I think i’m so very very funny

7. describe your day in 5 emojis: 😴👁️👩‍💻✈️☕️

8. what shameless character do you think you could beat in a fight? Realistically i think the ONLY person i could beat in a fight is Liam and honest to god im not even sure i could.

9. tell us 2 truths and a lie, we’ll try to guess the lie!

- I’m double jointed

- I sleep on the left side of the bed

- I’ve never had pumpkin pie

10. do you have a pet(s). if so how did they get their name? I do! my son (cat) is named Chidi after the good place!

11. show us a meme (or picture) that captures your essence

self explanatory.

12. whats your typical coffee / tea / beverage order? see i gotta have a special lil drinky drink everyday and i mean my little drinky drinks are free so i am likw 80% gingerbread chai at any given time. Alternatively, an iced chestnut praline latte w/ praline cold foam.

13. use a song to describe the last 5 years of your life?

2019- its nice to have a friend- taylor swift

2020- ribs - lorde

2021- nothing new - taylor swift

2022- first love / late spring- mitski OR orlando- leith ross

2023- true blue - boygenuis OR now that we don’t talk - taylor swift.

Thank you friends thats all i got :)

I Tag: @deedala @darlingian @michellemisfit @mybrainismelted @too-schoolforcool @gallawitchxx @gardenerian @sam-loves-seb @thisdivorce @xninetiestrendx @scarcrosseduntouched @juliakayyy @y0itsbri @grumble-fish @grumpymickmilk @transmickey @surviving-maybe @metalheadmickey @heymrspatel @auds-and-evens @deathclassic @flamingbluepanda @crossmydna @sleepyfacetoughguy @vintagelacerosette @depressedstressedlemonzest @thepupperino @squidyyy23 @energievie 🫶🫶

[prettyyoungandbored]

Dork - Danny Cordray

Pairing: Danny Cordray x Fem!OC

Author’s Note: This was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever written. I love this show so much and never did I think would do write an Office fic. So, because this is The Office, yes the OC will have a camera interview. Anything that is bold and italicized is her giving the on-camera interview. I hope you enjoy!

P.S. Any direct quotes from the show belong to the writers.

NOT MY GIF

Surprisingly, Danny Cordray being handsome was the second thing people were talking about. The first was the fact that he and Pam went on two dates two years ago.

And man, did the office run wild with that. Even if somehow Michael Scott strangely didn’t.

For Tessa Connelly, she felt bad that it was all people were talking about. She was friends with Pam and Pam was happily married with a kid. She moved on. Why couldn’t everybody else?

“I wanna say they’ll get over it, but you and I both know that will take forever,” Tessa chuckled, as the two women stood in the kitchen. “How were the dates though?”

“I had fun,” Pam replied. “But he didn’t call me after the second one so, I don’t know. Guess he wasn’t having as much fun.” She paused. “Not that it matters.”

“No, but I would question it too,” Tessa assured. “I’ve been in that position before and it’s the worst. How’s Jim handling it?”

“He’s frazzled but won’t admit it.”

The brunette chuckled. “Color me shocked. He’ll get over it. At least he will before everyone else does.”

Just as Pam was leaving the break room, Danny entered and his eyes met Tessa’s. She gave him a small smile.

“Hi, I don’t think we’ve met yet,” he said, holding out his hand. He flashed a million dollar smile that elicited butterflies in her stomach. “I’m Danny. I just joined the sales team.”

“Tessa,” she said, shaking his hand.

“And what do you do here?”

“I’m a customer service rep.”

He hummed, leaning on the counter. “Well, I can promise you you’ll only get glowing reviews about me.”

Her lips pursed as she nodded.

She pointed at him. “Lemme guess, salesman.”

“Traveling salesman,” he corrected politely.

She hummed. “Not much of a desk guy, huh?”

He shook his head. “I don’t like being tied down a whole lot.”

Ok, NOW I get why he only went on two dates with Pam. It all makes sense now.

She raised her mug. “Well, Danny, it was nice to meet you.”

“It was really nice to meet you as well,” he replied.

She just nodded and continued walking.

=================================

The next day was the Halloween party. Tessa decided to keep it simple with a basic cat costume. She had the ears and drew the nose and whiskers, donning a black button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a black pencil skirt.

She walked into the break room to get coffee at the same time Danny was.

“Nice costume,” he remarked. “I, uh, didn’t realize people took Halloween here seriously.”

“There’s a costume contest today,” she said, pouring coffee into her mug.

“I assume you’re entering?”

She shook her head. “I don’t care to.”

“But you’re dressed up.”

“Thats the fun of Halloween,” she said. “You dress up to be whoever or whatever you want.”

He nodded. “I didn’t think about that. Then again, I’ve never been a costume guy.”

“You’re missing out.”

“Well, for what it’s worth I’d vote for you in the costume contest.”

She couldn’t help but notice Danny Cordray’s smile and how it complimented his overall charming demeanor. She wondered if his looks was what made him a good salesman. He could sell meat to vegetarian with one single look.

Then she remembered his words. “I don’t like being tied down a whole lot.” He was obviously flirting with her just to get her in bed and then continue on to the next woman.

The worst part is how much she liked it.

“MeOW! Look at you dressed as my favorite thing in the world!”

She groaned, knowing damn well who that voice belonged too.

“Packer, I will stab you with my pencil,” she retorted.

Todd Packer, dressed as a pregnant nun, meddled in between her and Danny.

“Fiesty and violent, just how I like ‘em,” he smirked.

Before she could say something, Danny stepped in between.

“So, I need help finding the conference room for the meeting,” he said, looking at Tessa. “Can you show me where it is?”

She smiled at him gratefully. “Sure. Follow me.”

She walked out into the office with Danny right beside her. Once they were out of Packer’s sight, she turned and said, “Thanks for that. He’s a traveling salesman who truly has no business being in this office. Or even just existing.”

“No problem,” Danny chuckled. “I can promise you, not traveling salesmen are like that.”

She smiled. “I sure hope not.”

“So, um, I already told everyone else but my buddies and I are having a Halloween thing at our bar,” he said. “You should come.”

“You co-own a bar?” she asked. “Why am I not surprised?”

He made a face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing at all. You just have a bar owner vibe about you.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“Yes, it is,” she laughed. “Don’t overthink it. What’s the name of the bar?”

“Public School.”

She cocked her head back. “That’s quite a name. I’ll definitely-.”

She turned to see the office staring at her, including Pam who was the only one smiling.

She looked over back at Danny. “I’ll think about it.”

Just because I’m being nice doesn’t mean I’m flirting with him. You can talk to an attractive man without flirting with him.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s cute. But I just…I mean…guys like him, you know. He’s a bachelor. He prefers the bachelor lifestyle. And it seems to suit him. Like he seems nice and he smells really nice and has a great smile-.

Oh [BEEP] off!

=======================================

“You going to Danny’s bar tonight?”

She glanced up from her computer to see Andy and Kevin standing there.

“I don’t know yet,” she shrugged.

“Is it because he went out with Pam two years ago?” Kevin asked.

She sighed. “Ok, you guys have got to cut it out with that.”

Andy laughed. “Sounds like someone’s a little bit jealous.”

“How am I-you know what?”

She got up from her desk and walked into the break room where Danny was talking with Jim and Pam.

“Do you honestly wanna know why I didn't call her back on a date over four years ago?” Danny asked.

“Hey, she had a nice time,” Jim said defensively.

“I did,” Pam chimes in. “Yeah, and it's one of those things that's just gonna keep gnawing at me. Like, gnaw, gnaw...’Why? Why didn't he? I have no idea why.’”

“Okay, honestly,” Danny sighed. I didn't call you back because I just thought you seemed a little dorky.”

Silence fell. Tessa’s heart sank to her stomach as she watched Pam’s demeanor soften into embarrassment.

“Hey, man,” Jim stepped in.

“Thank you!” Pam cut him off, over enthusiastically. “Thank you. I got it. Now I know. You thought I was a little dorky.”

Tessa couldn’t just stand there and do nothing.

“You know what, I don’t think I should come tonight,” she spoke up.

Danny, Jim, and Pam looked over at her.

“I don’t want to be around people who don’t appreciate how awesome us dorks are,” she snapped.

Danny opened his mouth to say something when Tessa turned around, heading back to her office.

I said what I said. Look, yes, he’s gorgeous but…it’s not worth entertaining. Not with someone like him.

====================================

Tessa spent the rest of Halloween in the annex working. She figured with the costume contest and whatever conflict Michael and Darryl were dealing with, she could get her work done and slip out of here without dealing with Danny ever again.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

She looked over to see Pam standing by Tessa’s desk.

“It wasn’t right,” Tessa shrugged. “Besides, if you’re a dork then I’m a loser.”

Pam chuckled. “He actually apologized to me and Jim. It was actually really sincere.”

“That’s nice.”

“Tess, cmon. You should give him a chance, you know. He means well, and he clearly likes you. And I know you like him too.”

She sighed as she set her pencil down. “It’s not worth it and quite frankly, I don’t see it ending well.”

Pam pulled out a folded scrap of paper. Tessa unfolded it, revealing name written on it.

“I didn’t even-.”

“He wrote it,” Pam said. “It was the only handwriting I couldn’t recognize.”

Tessa sighed, the knot in her stomach tightened.

“Don’t not do it because of me,” Pam said. “Just…you know, think about it.”

Tessa nodded as Pam grabbed her arm. “C’mon. Jim brought Cece and she’s all dressed up.”

===================================

When Tessa walked out to the office, the first thing she noticed was Jim, dressed as Popeye, holding baby Cece.

“Oh my god, she’s Sweet Pea!” Tessa beamed.

She made her way over, holding out her arms. Jim handed her the baby as she continued to coo at Cece.

“What a cutie you are in your costume!” she said. “Best one I’ve seen today!”

“I actually like the Popeye cartoons.”

She looked over to see Danny standing there. He continued. “I always liked cartoons. Still kind of do. The old school Looney Tunes make me laugh.”

Tessa pulled back her lips. “What if I were to tell you that sometimes I still watch those cartoons? Is that too dorky for you?”

He smiled. “I would say that sometimes Public School has the old school Looney Tunes playing on one of TVs and if you don’t believe me, you should come check it out for yourself.”

Tessa looked at Cece.

“You know, Cece,” she began, “Danny here really wants me to go to his bar. Give me a smile if you think I should go.”

Cece smiled and began babbling. Tessa looked over at Danny.

“What time should I be there?” she asked.

I guess I figured I’d been too judgemental. Besides, Pam gave me her blessing. I’m just going to go for a couple drinks. See what happens.

[sophieinwonderland]

"I do have sources but im not obligated to post them" why WONT you post them? If you really do have them, why wouldn't you be happy to share them everwhere and debunk all of our existences??? or maybe... thats just a cover for not having sources to back you up at all? 😱 who would've guessed?!

That's the million dollar question!

If you had sources that could prove your arguments, where are they? Why are you hiding them and keeping them secret?

[richardsphere]

Leverage Log: The Real Fake Car Job

Well with a title like that, im left wondering the syntactical ambiguity. Is this a job about a fake car that turns out to secretly be real, or was there a "fake" Fake Car Job that its being contrasted against? Guess we'll see. --- No way this show starts with mistaken identity, so im betting its Witnes Protection covering a criminal's ass like usual. --- Parker looks at this guy's track record of gettign in with the maffia as a get-out-of-jail freecard and just makes a note. --- Since when do libraries charge for wifi? --- Hardison should invest in like, a small trailer for behind lucille. Keep Lucile clean. --- Oh thats bad... the show is seeding the question of "can Nate live a normal life without these high-stakes heists all the time", which is not a good indicator of his surviving the season finale. --- So he's selling the free wifi to afford his mini-cars. (good scam, low level enough most people wont even bother, allow himself to continue his hobbies a little without getting authorities called on him. Its a good con. Small scale, practical.) This guy is good at being bad. --- So the fake car is the Mussolini's car, which is gonna turn out to be the actual car they're looking for by accident? Is that what the title is about? --- Parker sold the "doesnt know about cars but found the Musselcar in her gramps' shack" character well enough, but if she's meant to play the "doesnt actually know what cars are what" character, maybe throw in a line asking about the colour of "Phil's" Alpha Romeo --- Witness Protection Bodyguard's got a good play with the GPS Tracker on the phone. (is the serving tray a bug or is it a bomb? Who knows? At this point i dont see a reason it couldnt be both) --- So he calls his car friend, from his old life. His old life, laundering money for the Maffia. Guess who's about to be assasinated! --- Is it the Wifi Money? Couple months as a librarian, couple dozen people using the wifi a day on average... Maybe a couple other minor side-hustles round town, could really add up. Especially if he suspects Italian-Parker to be naive enough... (turns out im right, i stopped the episode the moment Hardison said he hadnt accessed any banks for the money) --- Oh God, Hardisons gonna kill this guy with the implication that this "strange artist fellow" bought his prize cars and dismantled them for art supplies. ("aquired at a government auction last year) Like i love the powerplay here, tell him I murdered your babies and if you dont stop me, This baby is next. Like this is full on Dubenich invoking Nate's Son levels of emotional manipulation. --- "are we being suspicious enough" You are buying garbagebags, Axes and shovels "dont use that rope, for future reference, you can chew right through it". Well thats ominous foreshadowing --- Oh... The bodyguard thinks Team Leverage are hitmen working for the Mark to kill HER. In her defence i could definitly see him do it, kill his handler, flee the country dig up his missing money abroad. --- "i did not sell out the Marshal Service so you could throw away all of our planning on a car". shit, she's not witness protection, SHE'S MAFFIA? Oh no she isnt maffia, she's just corrupt. (5 MIllion dollars... thats good money) --- Mobster- You called our mutual friend Charlie Corrupt Bitch- You're an idiot! Mob- Then we tracked you down cause you left your GPS tracking on CB!- Ok that one is on me. Honesty! --- So they're not even going to be taking down the maffia? (most episodes, they'd somehow end up pulling those guys down as well) But hey, the Maffia seems to genuinely respect Nate. (in their defence, they've seen the damage these guys do) --- I only knew three of the five. (car would drive him crazy, Access the accounts, Turn on babysitter. Those are the ones he knew. The car friend who got the Maffia involved are obviously the ones he didnt plan on) --- "we matter". Well, this entire episode about the looming threat of retirement ends on a sweet note. But dang if it isnt an ominous plotthread to add to the final season.

[aito-mation]

forgive me if the question was rhetorical, but in totk link doesn't have to dress up as a girl to get in gerudo town anymore. i dont think the gerudo that sells you the girl outfit is seen in the game this time? not to my knowledge, anyways. link is recognised in gerudo town as the dude who saved everyone and is a close friend of riju's, and so is the only man allowed in. i haven't even seen the girl outfit in totk, but maybe thats just me, so take it with a pinch of salt

unfortunately though, there is a larger presence of creeps trying to get in? theres a guise of "haha we're just trying to do business with them!" thats obviously fake, but im not quite sure what their intentions are but its just a bit uncomfortable to include tbh. one is seen actually inside gerudo town, sneaking around and afraid of getting caught.

the slightly good news is that theres a pretty feminine outfit link can wear without any of the bizzare implications or orientalism. its just a cute outfit with a nice status boost (to my understanding) & theres a larger presence of darker skinned/black coded hylians that aren't exoticised like the gerudo are. bare minimum but i guess we can take what we're given

i really wish that nintendo would be normal about the gerudo and stuff (even giving the other races a little big of language so the gerudo dont seem so Other when they say voe/vai/savaaq etc) but alas, baby steps i guess

the question wasnt rhetorical i have seen one single person on twitter bring up that the orientalist outfit was removed, but they didnt comment on the gerudo’s depiction at all n i saw no other mention of it anywhere, thank u for sending this.

it doesnt sound like they actually fixed the transphobia tho, bc theyre still doing a “girls only” “only guy allowed” cisnormative type shit. “creepy guys” “dressing like women” to access “women’s spaces” is transphobic Period. doesnt matter what the in-universe lore is yknow ?? the real world anti-trans rhetoric rn is at an all time high, its unconscionable to include anything like that.

like doesnt anyone else remember how they intentionally made link androgynous in oot ?? hes not a “strong hero guy” archetype, but a lot of my problem w that is based in the fandom n is a whole other post. idc if link has a “feminine” outfit option bc that just gives the fans i was criticizing the opportunity to further sexualize him. literally the tweet i mentioned, that said they removed the orientalist outfit, comments on links “sexy” outfit he can wear instead. GAG !

also the idea of “baby steps” is for individual people, not international megacorporations bringing in 12 BILLION dollars a year. you Dont need to “take what u can get” u need to not buy games from a demonstratably racist company, and clearly say that the reason is bc they keep including racism in their games. japan as a country needs to address the racism rampant in their media more, n the media companies-especially when they go international-need to recognize the need for awareness. how dare they b antiblack in games they r selling to black people ! how dare they b colorist in games they r marketing in brown ass countries. n its not like black n brown ppl dont live in japan, bc they do n they experience racism constantly ! japan likes to try and separate itself from the rest of asia n in doing so reinforces existing stereotypes about other asians, particularly southwest asians n other asians who tend to have darker skin. japan has a huge colorism problem n that cant b ignored w any of nintendo’s games bc they always put it front n fucking center. the new pokemon games were racist, the fucking kirby game was racist !! nintendo Cannot get a nostalgia pass anymore. theyre not ur friend, n theyre certainly not mine.

tears of the kingdom made 10 million dollars in three days. nintendo is not hurting bc people r rightfully pointing out that they Have to do better. but theyve been actively getting worse, not just in what they put in their games, but in the way they openly mistreat their staff. not to mention putting gary bowser in indentured servitude for having the audacity to try and preserve game history w emulation. nintendo execs have gone on the record saying they dont care if games get wiped off the face of the earth, lost to history. the consumers have to put in the work bc nintendo Will Not.

[joshscrookednipple]

Cupid Screwed Up: Chapter 2

Summary: What happens when two rivals who chants even be in the same room together get paired up as soul mates for the rest of their lives..one thing they do know is that cupid screwed up.

Pairing: Josh Kiszka/Female OC

word count: 2,682

Warnings: Shitty editing, Vulgar language, angst, asshole josh, seizures, ambulances, mentions of negative body talk. (as always let me know if i missed anything!)

Not edited !!

A/N: before you read this here are a few things you need to know-

FND (functional neurological disorder) refers to a group of common neurological movement disorders caused by an abnormality in how the brain functions. some of the symptoms are-

Weakness or Paralysis

Abnormal movement, such as tremors or difficulty walking.

Seizures or episodes of shaking and apparent loss of consciousness

Episodes on unresponsiveness

i got diagnosed with FND about a year ago and i wanted to put a little bit of myself into Tara, feel free to message me if you have any questions. Enjoy!!! :)

have you ever seen those commercials where people screw up the most simple and idiotic tasks?

yeah

thats basically what happened here.

let me give you a little recap of what happened after i found out my impending doom. (aka getting josh as my perfect match) in bullet point form.

* i cried

* i threw my phone across the room and cracked it

* i stopped to feed clawdia because she looked hungry

* cried some more

* threw some more things

* surprisingly fell asleep

and now it’s the next morning and i’m matching my ass to the C.U.P.I.D headquarters and set things straight. i pull into the driveway that itself, probably cost a million dollars.

i step out of my car when i see another one pull up by me. i bet you can never guess who it was.

“So eager to see me aren’t you bunny?”

Wow. who would’ve guessed.

“i’m here to tell this fucking dumbass company that they fucked up our matches, not to tell them i want to conceive your kids and push them out of my fucking pussy this very second

he just stares at me and i swear i can see a glint of..something in his eyes but as soon as it came it was gone.

he locks his car as starts walking towards me which leads to me walking faster.

“You wound me bunny!!”

“at least Jake had the kindness in his heart to apologize to me last night. i heard he has a match..alexis is it? how does it feel that your twin brother is higher up than you” i spit out with my back still to him and a smirk on my face.

“yeah well if i had a match i couldn’t fuck all the girls i have been”

oh my god.

ew

i ignore him and open the door and..jesus it’s like i walked into one of those young adult dystopian movies. the floors are pristine white..well the entire building seems to be white with light red accents. fitting.

people were swooping around getting personality tested for their perfect match, some meeting their matcha for the first time. all of them seem so happy. i walk up to the front desk and the lady whose name tag i read says “Valentine” turns and smiles at me with this obnoxiously big smile that has obnoxiously perfect teeth.

“Welcome to C.U.P.I.D headquarters? do you have an appointment” she smiles stupidly at me and tilts her head.

“well no i-“

“did you call in before hand?”

“no-“

i can hear the snickers of my rival behind me.

“name and occupation”

“Tara and i really don’t see how-“

and of course she interrupts once again

“how did you find out about us?”

that’s when i lost it.

“how the FUCK would anyone not know about this place? it’s not like you all have advertisements fucking everywhere or anything!! sometimes i just want to shit in peace without having to see your fucking eyes staring into my god. damned. soul!”

i’m breathing heavily and i lick my lips looking at her expecting her to finally just maybe stop asking me stupid questions and worry about the real problem.

“you seem upset, do you want to do some breathing exercises?”

i throw my hands up in the air and josh is doubled over, his face red from him trying not to laugh. he’s clearly going to be no help so i turn back to valentine who i’m half convinced is a robot and take a deep breath.

“look” i start “i think you all made a mistake with my match. i go matched with this used paper towel back here, and i’m sure it’s a bug in the system but i would really appreciate if you would go and change it please”

i finish and give her a forced smile and a few minutes of silence goes by before she finally speaks

“there’s nothing we can do, C.U.P.I.D has a 100% acceptance rate”

“well apparently fucKING NOT”

a few heads turn to look at me and okay maybe just possibly i was over reacting but you don’t understand how dire this situation is. i grab my purse and push open the doors and gulp in a deep breath of air.

not even a minute later josh is by my side

“you should give up drawing and go into theatre bunny”

“fuck off”

i pull my jacket tighter around me when i look at my phone. greta it’s December 1st which means it’s the dreaded date night. i go into my car and slam the door before putting my head on the steering wheel.

one secret that i’ll take with me to the grave is that i have a debilitating crush on josh when i was in highschool, i mean god he was so fucking awful to me but at least he gave me SOME attention, my dad was always out with one of his side pieces and my mom would hide in her bedroom crying most nights. C.U.P.I.D swears by their 100% success rate, but if that was true why would i have to fall asleep to the sounds of my dad threatening bash my moms head in. is that truly what love is? because if that’s their definition of it, they need some serious fucking help.

the drive home was quiet except for the barely there self help podcast that was coming out of the radio of my car. i pull into the parking lot of my apartment complex and trudge up to my room, which felt like it took forever. as soon as i unlock the front door and open it i see sam sitting on the couch with maggie straddling his hips and their both in what seems like a life or death make out session. i slam my keys on the counter which makes sam jump slightly and for maggie to pull away and give me a huge grin.

“There’s my favorite girl! Are you so excited for your date with josh today” she coos and looks over sams shoulders at me

“just thrilled, also next time text me when you and long legs over here are going to fuck on the couch”

sam shoots his head around and smirks “i’m supposed to be the one giving nicknames bunny”

“actually Danny gave me mine, nice try” i laugh and ruffle his hair before going into my room and stand in front of the mirror before looking at my phone screen. it’s currently 12:30 in the afternoon which means i have about five and a half hours until the god forbidden date. i curl up in a ball in my bed and let myself fall into a dreamless sleep.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

I groan and sit up, stretching my arms up and rubbing my eyes before turning my alarm off. 4:30. that means i have to force myself out of bed and start getting ready. i use all of my strength to force myself out of bed and i rub my eyes and pad across the soft carpet into the cold bathroom and turn on the shower head onto the hottest setting before peeling my clothes off of my body and step into the shower that could be accurately described as bathing in lava. i quickly run through my shower routine, when i finish i throw my ratted robe on and throw my hair into a towel and that’s when i feel it start, i look down at my legs and see them shaking like how you see a leaf shake outside in the winter.

one of the first things i told Maggie about when i moved in was about my Illness, it’s called Functional Neurological Disorder..or as the doctors like to say..”something that’s all in my head”. i’m living with FND is like living in a constant hell, i don’t know if i’ll wake up with my arm paralyzed, or having a shaking episode. but you learn to adapt. i was diagnosed at 17 and got my first pair of forearm crutches* when i was 21 and found myself using them more often than not, but thankfully my medication has been keeping my shaking at bay, which is why my heart drops when i see my medicine container is empty.

shit.

i forgot to get a refill. i’ll be fine though. i always am.

i take a few deep breaths before doing a very quickly ran through curl routine and put on a swipe..or two..or three of mascara and smudge on my favorite deep red lipstick before grabbing my favorite dress, it’s a black velvet dress that goes mid thigh, i pair it with black tights and my platform doc martens and throw on a jacket to battle the cold water and rush out of the door and to my car. i have thirty minutes before i have to make it to the restaurant and luckily it’s right by my pharmacy, so i’ll just go in and grab my medicine and then go to the date and try not to kill Joshua. perfect plan.

until it’s not.

“that’ll be $250, do you want to use cash or card”

i almost have a shaking episode right there. i stare at the lady behind the pharmacist desk and hope, and pray for her to say this is some sort of sick joke.

“i don’t-“ i stutter and look at her “i don’t have $250..i barely have enough money for gas”

“i’m sorry ma’am but there’s nothing i can do” she apologizes and smiles a sad smile at me.

i look down at my shaking hands and chew on my lip and try to force back the tears that are threatening to fall down my cheeks. Maggie and Danny are the only two that know about this..so if anything goes wrong i can just call them. everything will be okay. right?

i leave the pharmacy and decided to use the fresh air to my advantage and walk to the restaurant when i see josh standing outside, his cheeks and nose pink from the cold. he’s kinda cute when he looks like that.

no he’s not Tara, snap out of it.

“your late.” he states and i look at my watch and roll my eyes

“only by two minutes, im going inside, you can either come with me or freeze your dick off out here”

he huffs and follows me inside where the hostess was clearly giving him “fuck me” eyes as she leads us to our table and takes our order, in which the whole, except when i order my food, she’s talking to josh.

after she leaves this smug bastard leans back in his chair and smirks “maybe i’ll take her home tonight, i mean did you see those tits?”

i scrunch up my nose and stab into my complimentary salad that little miss sexy had served us before she left.

“you could have tried a little harder on your appearance Bunny, people will be taking pictures yknow”

“says you” i huff as i push around my salad with my fork

“maybe i’ll just leave with our hostess and leave you here to wallow in your own self pity”

i decide my best course of action is ignoring him. but when do i ever take the best choice?

“why do you think these things about me” i whisper, my voice barley eligible.

the demeanor in him shifts and he, just for a moment, looks regretful for what he said. obviously that doesn’t last long.

“do you want me to lie to you Tara?”

that’s what gets me, that’s how it all started.

i push myself from the table and run into a single person bathroom and let my body fall down the wall. it starts with my right arm.

then my hands.

and legs.

and suddenly i’m having a full blown shaking attack, to those who don’t know what FND is, it would look like i’m having a seizure.

a sob breaks out from my lips as i fumble with my purse and until i finally grab my phone and click on Maggie’s contact and try to call her

1 ring

2 ring

3 ring

hey this is maggie! i’m out right now please leave a message at the beep!

beeeeep

i bite my lip and blindly click on danny’s contact, praying that he picks up.

1 ring

2 ring

“Hello?”

“d-danny” i mutter as i put my phone on speaker, not being able to hold it

“Tara? what’s wrong? aren’t you on your date?”

i mean he wasn���t wrong.

yes i was on my date, but i was also on the floor shaking so hard it feels like i might tear a hole into the floor.

“i am- but i ran out of my medication and i’m shaking- it hurts and it’s okay if you can’t come over but-“

“i’ll be there in five minutes”

that’s all he says before he hangs up.

Danny barges into the restaurant and starts passing josh’s table.

“Danny? what are you doing here” josh stands up, grabbing danny’s arm which causes danny to whip around and for josh to take a few steps back.

“what did you say to Tara” Danny asks

“what-“

“what did you say to her”

“nothing i-“

“well whatever you did. good fucking job”

josh furrows his eyebrows and follows a frantic danny to the bathroom, only to see me half laying down, half sitting up, shaking, and fading in and out of consciousness. danny quickly sits down behind me and pulls me in between his legs so my back is pressed up to his chest and my head falls back into his shoulder.

Danny was probably one of my best friends in every sense of the word, he was always so calm, gentle and..nice.

“hey bunny” he whispers as he brushes some hair from my face “i need you to stay awake for me pretty, you know if you pass out we have to call 911, and i know you don’t want that”

it’s true, whenever i pass out during a episode, more often than not im taken away in a ambulance and taken into observation for one to two days, it always helps when i get a cute paramedic though”

“s’fine” i mutter even though it was not fine, i let my head fall to the side and see josh staring at me with wide eyes and i give him a slurred smile “go see the hostess”

those are the last words i say before i black out and hear Danny curse.

“call an ambulance Josh” Danny orders but josh, looking like he’s frozen in time doesn’t follow his orders.

“JOSH” Danny yells again which seems to snap josh out of his trance before he calls 911 and soon enough paramedics are surrounding me and getting me on a stretcher. once i’m gone danny looks at josh

“i hope whatever you said was worth it”

“what happened to her- was it a allergic reaction or-“ josh stutters before danny huffs and cuts him off

“no you intolerable ass crouton, she has a disorder where if she gets too stressed or upset her body basically shuts down”

danny had never scolded josh to this extent and he couldn’t help but feel like a child being caught stealing a cooking by their mom, all he can think to do in look down at his hands.

“now what i’m going to do is go to the hospital and make sure she’s not alone, you can either come or stay. the choice is up to you”

danny leaves and josh just stands there looking at the spot where i had originally laid.

why did he say those things?

did he really think those things? no go course not.

it’s more of a coping mechanism he thinks. s way to keep his walls up.

but on a friday, on december first at 7:57, his walls has caused you to go to the hospital.

C.U.P.I.D’s 100% success rate my ass.

[revengeofthelobotomyladies]

In England there's a theory test app, half the test is multiple choice on road safety/rules/signs etc and half on hazard perception

It's pretty easy to get a theory tests and you have up to 2 years after passing to get your license before you have to take it so most get it done straight away

The DVLA reckon it takes an average of 45 hours of practice with an instructor (at anywhere between £30-40 an hour) and 22 hours of private practice in your own car to pass with an average 48% pass rate (so technically you can be taught by a random but it's not reccomended lol)

It's near impossible to get a test for at least 7 months in the future (bc of covid and bots) so if you manage to get an official one it'll cost £62, otherwise you need to get a cancellation which can cost upwards of £120

Then your actual test is like 40+ minutes, 20 of independent driving (either using sat nav or road signs, they say on the day) and 20 minutes of instructed driving which involves pulling up on the left & setting off safely at least 6 times and then one of the 4 main manoeuvers (reverse into a bay/drive into a bay/parallel park or pull up on the right & reverse for 2 car lengths) but they can also ask you to do an emergency stop or a hill start on top of that

also 2 "show me, tell me" questions about general car things like how to check the tyre pressure, clean the front windscreen etc

Plus they have hundreds to test routes and it's randomised so you could end up with really good conditions and a great route or shitty conditions and a shitty route which balls you up

You're allowed 0 serious faults and up to 15 minor faults but you fail if you get more than 3 of the same fault, you can fail for all sorts like not driving in a bus lane when it's open etc (a lot is ridiculous stuff that normal drivers do)

Then insurance premiums are sky high when you pass and a lot won't insure you or want millions depending on the type of car

Plus you're very restricted in some senses lile you need separate tests for basically every type of vehicle now and if you learn automatic you have to do the test again if you wanna drive manual etc

so it's definitely not encouraging 😂

So I agree with the anon that says it's about time and money, thats definitely a major problem but they definitely do discourage you by making it so difficult to learn and pass, at least here they do idk about the rest of europe

(It's really interesting to see those videos where seasoned drivers try a modern driving test because they nearly always fail lol)

I would 100% fail there lmao

Here you can get your learners permit by studying on your own or in class. I got mine in high school at age 15 but I think you can attempt the test as early as age 14. You have to get 80% on the learners written test to obtain a learners license. Then you do the 6 (or more I don’t remember, I got my learners 15 years ago🫣) drives with the driver trainer. They give you a little card saying you’ve completed training and you present that when you go for the final road test. If you’re in high school you have to wait until you’re 16 to try, I can’t remember if there’s a wait time if you’re an adult. You’re supposed to be going on practice drives with a licensed driver in this time.

I had a horrible driver trainer who would scream at me and she really scared me out of driving and also no one had the time or energy to practice with me. So, I sat on my learners for 10 years before I went for my road test. It was kind of embarrassing because my training card was dated from like 2010 or something but it was still good I guess. You can practice as long as you need to. I pretty much just taught myself to drive. 😬

It only costs $55 dollars to go for the road test and there is a cancellation fee. If you fail you have to wait a little while before you can try again. It used to be even cheaper a few years ago at $22. Absolutely crazy.

Once you pass there are restrictions for about two years. If you have no incidents in the two years you’re good to go.

I think I’m a good driver compared to a lot of people here. Like it’s really bad here. But the province is like YOLO I guess… 😅😳

[sleeplessparadox]

Its 3am and Idk dawg

my mind races with the possibility of existence i cannot fathom all this boundless potential inside me. tomorrow is brimming and i am alive. who i will be tomorrow is a mystery but thats the fun of it ykno? i stress myself out sometimes cause i despite my very healthy mindset when it comes to things out my control do tend to get a bit over invested in certain things when im really excited about the possibilities of their existence in my life. who have i been all these days? not sure. who can i be? anything which means that answer means nothing. who am i? whoever i feel like being in the present moment. i guess thats who i have been and who i will be. humanity is funny like that, introspection is so addicting its unreal, can't say ive not asked and answered these million dollar questions a million times before but the answers always changing and staying the same because thats how we as humans exist and perceive things. no point to this one, usually the thought trains have a point but right now im just enjoying thinking yknow? its cool to not have an audience cause it means i need not worry about who im articulating myself for. exist to exist, speak to speak, listen to hear, voice to cry, cheer to sing, touch to feel, feel to break, break to grow, seeds, grass, dresses.

[blondiebarnes]

smutty prompt 10 with frankie santi reader?

10. 'Jealousy seems to be a great motivator for you.'

frankie morales x santiago garcia x reader

warnings: literally not even smutty. this is a disappointment of a smut blurb because i wrote 2k words of buildup! just some mild heavy making out

You're really not jealous.

No, you definitely aren't - the swelling mixture of volatile emotions in your stomach surely doesn't contain that seedling - if only because that would be ridiculous.

You're not ridiculous, and you're not jealous -

You just don't like what you're seeing, one of Molly's friends tipsy and giggling and staring up at Santi like he's a piece of meat, fuck-me eyes on full display. Santi isn't giving her much to work with, and that fans the flames burning beneath your skin - he sips at his beer and leans away from her, boisterous conversation with Will and Tom and a few of their other friends overpowering anything else at the fight.

In your head, you know Santi would never give anyone except you and Frankie a second glance - he's told you more times than you could possibly count how you two are it for him, the light at the end of the tunnel of failed relationships - and that makes watching this easier to bear. You know the girl's attempts are useless, fawning over your boyfriend like she stands a chance, and you would almost feel bad for her. She seems nice, and surely has no inkling that Santi is spoken for by not one but two goddamn people - possibly the least single person on Earth, let alone in the circle of people she’s woven into.

There's the slide of an arm around your waist - you lean back in to the touch, knowing the calloused, gentle fingers to be Frankie's without even seeing him. He rests his beer on the bar beside you, and you don't turn to face him, even as he presses his chest to your back, kiss smacked to the side of your face.

"Watchin' our boy get loved on?" Frankie muses, and you can tell this isn't bothering him nearly as much as it's bothering you. He's probably more used to it, being with Santi longer than you've been with both of them, because you can't quite think of another reason he would be so nonchalant watching his lover get lusted over.

You nod, grabbing Frankie's beer and lifting it to your lips to take a sip. "Mhm."

"Don't let it bother you."

You huff, turning on your stool so you're facing Frankie, now. Your knees jut into his hips, bringing your hands up to grab at his forearms, just to feel the touch of him against you - if you can't have Santi at your mercy - if you have to suffer through watching another girl try to win his affections - then you'll use Frankie for all he has to give. His arm around your waist slides back around until he's simply resting his hand against your hip, smoothing his thumb against your skin through your jeans.

"It's not bothering me," you say, which is just a lie, plain and simple - Frankie exhales a chuckle, raising his eyebrows as if to tell you exactly how much he doesn't believe you. "It's just weird. It's weird to watch."

"He's not even looking at her."

"I know -" you pause, skin prickling slightly as you try to make some sense of the knot of emotions in your stomach - it feels like untangling a clump of necklaces, trying to pick each apart from each other - nearly impossible. "How aren't you annoyed? I want to go make out with him in front of her just so she knows."

"I'm annoyed," he tells you, lifting his shoulders up and down in a shrug. You furrow your eyebrows. "But it's okay, baby - he'll make it up to us."

The second part of his reassurance is spoken elusively, like it's some riddle you have to work out, and you squint at Frankie. You can't quite make sense of it, but he doesn't continue - just lifts his beer to his mouth and takes a slow sip. His eyes have drifted from where he was staring at you, now focused on a spot distinctly behind you, and you know what it is before you look back to check.

Your eyes meet Santi's, and a small smile blooms on the man's face. He lifts a finger to beckon the two of you over, and you want to hop up and run over without a second of hesitation, but before you do, Frankie holds up his pointer finger to your much-coveted boyfriend across the room.

Frankie leans in, then. His lips brush against your ear, sliding his hand up until it's resting over your waist, and when he speaks, you can smell the beer and spearmint on his breath and you want to kiss him silly - senseless - until you lose all meaning of time.

"Santi is really good with jealous sex."

Oh!

Oh.

You feel heat flush up your neck to your cheeks, leaning away from Frankie just as he shifts back, giving you a small smile as if he hadn't just set your goddamn skin aflame. It's easier, with Frankie's words, to decipher the tangled knot of emotions in your stomach - it's like untangling a clump of necklaces, pulling and prodding until one comes loose, and it's -

Lust? Arousal?

Fucking horniness?

It isn't jealousy as much as you'd thought. You whip your head around to look at Santi, whose gaze has left you and Frankie and is focused on Will as the blonde tells a story - the girl is still laser-focused on Santi, and then she reaches one manicured hand up to brush against his forearm, and he shifts it away.

You want to ruin him. Or maybe you want him to ruin you.

"We don't have to stay much longer, do we?" you hear yourself distantly asking Frankie, feeling a bit more distracted with the current emotional climate spiraling through your body.

"Benny's done - we can leave whenever you -"

You're already standing up and walking up before Frankie has finished his answer, and you can hear him bark out a laugh even as you stalk across the crowded room to where your friends and your boyfriend are sitting. When you're close enough, Santi turns his head to glance at you, and the goofy smile that plays on his lips when he sees you is sweet and soft, and in any other situation you would melt at it -

When you reach him, you press your lips to his, and it isn't sweet or soft by any stretch of the imagination - it's almost primal, certainly chalked up to you being a bit drunk by your friends, but you've barely had anything all night. No, you’re stone cold sober as you reach up to grab the sides of his face, feeling the surprise slide off of his features as he drops his hand to your waist, tugging your body closer into his.

You pull away after Tom barks out a laugh at your display, boisterous and crass, and, in your peripheral vision, you catch a glimpse of burning red cheeks before the girl beside Santi is sauntering away.

The boys and the rest of Santi’s friends ebb their attention away into a conversation, forming their own circle that excludes the pair of you, and you wouldn’t want it any other way. You can practically feel Frankie’s eyes burning into you and Santi from where you had just stood with him, and you love the attention - the show of it all.

“What’s gotten into you?” Santi asks, and his voice is raspy and kiss-drunk, hand trailing up and down your side.

“Frankie and I are ready to go,” you tell him, dropping your voice low and leaning your head closer to his. You drop your hands to touch at the side of his neck, and you can feel his veins pulsing beneath your touch in a way that invigorates you so heavily you could pass out. Santi raises his eyebrows, a smirk tugging up the corners of his lips, and you resist the urge to reach in and kiss it off. “Better say goodbye to your little friend over there.”

Pointedly, you jut your chin over to where Molly’s friend has worked her way into a new circle of people - Santi follows your gaze and exhales a soft chuckle.

“You two are insane,” he says, and you want to respond verbally but you can’t manage - just tilt your head back up towards his, pressing your lips against his, squeezing your hands against the side of his neck. He chokes a gasp into your mouth, hand gripping your waist tight as he pulls your body somehow closer into his, as if you aren’t pressed tight enough to him as it is - you feel practically molded into his frame, as close to him as you could possibly get, and it isn’t enough.

Santi’s hand has just slid down your lower back, palm pressed against the swell of your ass through your pants, before you very pointedly feel a third presence beside you. Reluctantly, you pull away from Santi, and the kiss-swollen sight of his lips almost has you leaning back in again -

You glance up at Frankie, staring at you two with a slightly amused glint in his eyes. He has one hand on the back of Santi’s head, sure fingers working through the dark curls, and Santi looks like he’s about to pass out at the attention you two are giving him - in public, no less - but there’s the juxtaposition of how he looks like he’ll just about die if either of you remove your touch from him.

You like it. You like seeing him like this - looking almost wrecked when you’ve done nothing but kiss.

Frankie’s holding the keys to the truck in his other hand, and you smile.

“Jealousy seems to be a great motivator for you,” Frankie tells you, the bastard. “Figured I should tear you two apart before you start fucking right here.”

“I’d do it,” you say, voice sounding throatier and more truthful than you intended. “Have her watch -”

“Alright, babe, enough -”

“You would, too -”

“Can we just go?” Santi interrupts your faux-bickering with Frankie, voice sounding strained, and you’re sure if you dropped your eyes to his pants you would see the beginnings of a boner straining against his jeans - but you’re also sure that, if you look at that, you’ll have to drag them both into the bathroom to alleviate you, and you’d rather make it home first. “You two can have your way with me at home.”

You give Frankie a maddening smile, sweet as molasses, and your boyfriend returns it with a roll of his eyes. “Sounds like a plan, darling.”

[iceaxeflynn]

SPOILERS FOR PA:AA—T&T RECIPE FOR TURNABOUT

I was playing through PA:AA Trials and Tribulations, and I just realized that no one talks about Recipe for Turnabout.

Why? How can no one in this fandom not go bat shit insane for Phony Phoenix? I mean look at this man

He’s bat chit insane. The madlad is literally an anti-Phoenix. He calls himself the Tiger. He growls at the jury. He’s so scary the Judge hides under his desk.

HE MAKES A FAKE ATTORNEY BADGE OUT OF CARDBOARD AND PRETENDS TO BE PHOENIX IN!!! COURT!!!!!!

AND NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING!

Gumshoe, the Judge, Maggey, AND EVEN MAYA don’t register that its NOT PHOENIX.

He’s constantly screaming. He’s growling. He tells Phoenix that for every dumb question he asks he’s gonna sue him $50,000.

HE’S BRIGHT. FUCKING. RED.

I refuse to acgnowledge this Furio Tigre erasure. That case was a fucking wild ride. That man impersonated the most popular defense attorney and almost got away with it, and it was heavily implied that he was dating the granddaughter of the

HEAD OF THE GODDAMN MAFIA.

Did I mention he roars like a tiger? I don’t think you understand. This man has AUDIO DIALOGUE THAT PLAYS EVERY TIME HE ROARS. EVEN PHOENIX HIDES UNDER HIS DESK FROM HIM.

LOOK AT THAT SUIT!!!!

And then lets step away from fuckin Tiger Phoenix for a minute.

We ALSO learn that Gumshoe is SUPER SOFT for Maggey Bryde. She gets arrested for supposedly being the murderer, and Gumshoe is in HYSTERICS. He runs around like a lost puppy doing everything he can to get Maggey out with the same if not more panic than he had when Edgeworth was arrested. AND ITS SO??? WHOLESOME?????

Like he’s SO CUTE TOO. He makes Maggey lunches, because he notices she’s been loosing weight and doesn’t want her to be unhealthy. When he understands that Maggey is mad at him because of a misunderstanding, he avoids her because she says she doesn’t want to see him, and he doesn’t want to push himself onto her.

HE’S SUCH A GENTLEMAN?? WHY DO I NOT SEE MORE MAGGEY AND GUMSHOE SHIP ART.

Not only that, but they have PERFECT ENERGY TOGETHER. They’re both like energetic dogs you can rely on. They’re excited, and they’re here to do their best. They can do no wrong.

Also, Gumshoe and Maggey LOVE the same foods and it’s adorable. You can’t change my mind; straight ships can be adorable too I’m literally a gay man call me homophobic I dare you.

ALSO JUST?? THE OTHER CHARACTERS AS WELL?????

First up we’ve got who I like to call

Grandpa Seedman (A.K.A. Victor Kudo)

What a man. What a madlad. He makes me want to dump him in a fucking silo of birdseed.

Why is he here? Why does he have all that birdseed? Why can’t he calm down and stop throwing it for five seconds? If I had to guess what Wendy Oldbag’s ex-husband would be like, this is exactly who I think it would be. They’re both insufferable to no end. Let me throw them outa window.

Then we got Monsieur Essential Oils (A.K.A. Jean Armstrong)

What In The Royal Fuck. Where are these roses coming from. Why does his restaurant look like a Hello Kitty Lolita Cafe. He’s also half a million dollars in debt. I would ask why but if you took one look in hid goddamn restaurant you would understand why. Also literally everyone in the game thinks his food is shit.

Please sir. Please you’re so gay it hurts. He’s literally April May but a guy. Actively flirts with Gotot which is pretty funny so you get some extra points.

Wednesday Addams (A.K.A. Viola Cadaverini)

So little miss is the granddaughter of a fucking MOB BOSS and she is literally true crime. Constantly mutters about offering you tea. Would be a nice gesture if the murder in this case WASNT CAUSED BY SOMEONE BEING POISONED THROUGH A DRINK also the fact that the MURDERER IS HER BOSS

She’s actually pretty chill, despite how off-putting she is. Would love to listen to true crime and watch the Twilight Zone with her. She deserves better.

THIS MOTHERFUCKER

HOW THE FUCK DID NO ONE NOTICE IT WASNT PHOENIX THE BITCH IS LITERALLY BRIGHT FUCKING RED

He also rides a teeny fuckin scooter thats like neon pink and blue which is so goddamn funny to me especially considering the fact that that tiny ass scooter caused a massive crash which he walked away from unscathed but the DRIVER was sent to the EMERGENCY ROOM and had A MILLION DOLLARS worth of surgery done.

This man can fight god and win the only reason he didn’t get away with the murder is because bitch straight up went “haha Phoenix Wright you dumb bitch thats not the poison bottle I used get your facts straight” and Godot has a fucking ANEURISM because all of these witnesses are SO FUCKING STUPID

Godot was the real victim here holy shit this fucking case was the most bat shit insane stuff how the FUCK did no one talk more about this PLEASE

TL;DR Give Recipe For Turnabout more love. It’s the most unhinged shit on the planet.

[xiaodejunletsact]

i still love you | zhong chenle

word count: 17, 367

genre: high school!au, basketball!player, angst, fluff, you are a bet au??? lol idk 8 letters!au

warnings: lots of angst, playing of emotions, mentions of panic attacks and sex.

authors note: im finally back!! with a chenle fic!! okay so,, i wanted to thank everyone who loved 8 letters, the reaction to that fic was better than anything i could’ve ever imagined, so thank you so much!! this is like a chenle version from the same universe. but most importantly: i decided to put songs in some scenes to enhance the experience while reading, you don’t have to but if you want to listen to the ‘soundtrack’ of this fic click the ‘🏀’!!!!! please enjoy!! 

synopsis: high school can be complicated. thats why when your crush of three years, zhong chenle, approaches you out of nowhere offering to drive you home you are right to question his intentions.

🏀

You can hear the loud thumping of your heart in your ears as you watch the players dart across the court. The squeaking of their sneakers against the polished floor as they furrowed their eyebrows in concentration. Well… as he furrowed his eyebrows in anticipation, you wouldn’t know about the rest of the players on the court because your eyes were focused on one boy in particular. Number 22, Zhong Chenle. Your crush since sophomore year and soon to be captain of the basketball team (even if this is your personal opinion you’re 87% sure of it). The boy had caught your eye when he first smiled your way back in 10th grade and offered to help you with everything since you were new, leaving a stamp on your heart that would mark it as his own for the next years to come. Of course, you hardly ever spoke to him, too nervous and clumsy to even think of approaching someone so out of your league but there was something about his crinkly smile eyes and fluffy hair that got a hold of and never let go. 

Which is why you find yourself seated at the school’s bleachers watching the basketball game like you did every week, hands clutching the sides of the bench as you watched Chenle get the orange ball passed to him, and the scene plays in slow motion. 

Sweat drips off the tips of his newly dyed blond hair as he gains impulse with a jump, shooting a perfect three pointer and deeming the game of victory for his team. You proudly smile as you watch his teammates cause a ruckus around him, cheering and hitting him occasionally. However, your mood dampened as you watched Chenle escape the clutches of his team, running to the side benched where Ava, (the bitchiest girl in school but also his girlfriend), sat. He leans down to peck her lips, only to be stopped when she holds her hand up, pushing him away with a disgusting, “you’re sweaty!” He looks dejected for a second, before forcing a smile and turning back towards the team. You wonder if you’re the only one who noticed the interaction, you wonder if you’re the only one who cares enough to want to march down there and tell her off. You huff, instead opting to march your angry way to the entrance of the gym starting the trek home. Wondering if Number 22 will ever be yours like you desperately want him to.

-

It’s funny how much of your life you could dedicate to one person without any sort of reciprocation. You felt almost embarrassed as you shoved yet another letter into an envelope that increasingly got thicker and thicker with every burst of your emotions. You see, every time your feelings for Chenle got too strong to bare you would write short letters about how you felt, obviously, with no intention of Chenle ever getting his hands on them, just for your own catharsis. It helped, most days. 

Today is not one of those days. 

“Uh huh…” you said absentmindedly at your friend, Donghyuck , who tries to explain to you what intricate contraption they are building in this week's robotics class. However, you’re too busy looking over his shoulder at Chenle who laughs half heartedly at something his friend says, before going serious once again. You furrow your eyebrows and say, “have you noticed anything off about Chenle?” 

Donghyuck  sighs, knowing he has lost you once again. Nevertheless, he humors your narrative turning to watch the boy in question along with you. “I mean… he is kind of down.”

“Right?” You reply, shutting your locker and clicking the lock. Donghyuck  shrugs.

“Maybe it’s because he broke up with his girlfriend this weekend.” 

You stop dead in your tracks, “He did what?” 

Donghyuck  nods, (like it’s not a huge deal!) “at the party you missed this weekend, they got into a big fight and he told her it was over and stormed off.” 

“A-and you didn’t think to tell me this?” You respond to which he just shrugs.

“It’s not like you had a chance with him anyway.” 

“Ouch, Donghyuck .” 

The words stung, of course but you knew Donghyuck  was just being realistic with you, never one to lead you into things that could only hurt you in the future. 

Donghyuck  says something after that, that you don’t quite catch but you guess it’s fine since you didn’t really want to listen to him right now anyway. 

Especially since Zhong Chenle just caught you staring at him and is now staring just as intensely into your eyes as you were to the side of his face. 

You don’t know what kind of glitch you go through that you are unable to form any type of reaction or look away. Instead just kind of… freezing. 

He brings up a hand and slightly waves in your direction. A kind smile on his face. 

Oh no. He actually sees you. 

Before you can even process it, you realize that you're running down the hall in the direction opposite to him. Out of the back door of the school, heaving as your heartbeat reaches 3000bpm.

🏀

Recalling the memory as you walk to the bus stop that afternoon causes you to slap your palm against your forehead once again. “What was I thinking? Now Chenle is really going to think I’m a freak.” 

You couldn’t believe yourself, kicking the gravel underneath your sneakers in frustration you beat yourself up over having ruined the only interaction that could’ve possibly been your chance to win his heart. It could’ve been the last time he ever looked your way again, and you wouldn’t blame him. 

But it wasn’t. 

Because just minutes after, like a miracle from heaven, you hear the roar of an expensive car engine near you before hearing his angelic voice call the syllables you thought you’d never hear him say: “Y/N!” 

Wide eyed, your snap your head to the sound of his voice only to see him through the window of his shiny million dollar car. He smiles and you feel like running again. He notices. “Wait! Don’t go!” 

You hear the buckle of his seatbelt being undone and watch in shock as he jogs around the car and suddenly he towering over you with a sweet smile. “Hi.” 

Say hi back! What are you doing? “Uh- I- uh- Hi?” 

He chuckles, looking down at his shoes before looking into your eyes once again. “How you doing?” 

“I’m- im good.” You stutter. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

The silence that follows makes you want to get swallowed up by the ground and never see daylight again. 

Chenle notices how you avoid his eyes and chuckles once again, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well, um, I just saw that you were walking and wanted to know if you wanted a ride.” 

“In your car?” You ask in a quiet voice. Chenle laughs. 

“I mean, yeah. Unless you want to rent bikes from the tourism center.” You allow a small smile to grace your lips briefly before remembering the circumstances you currently found yourself in. Chenle (Zhong Chenle, Number 22, Yes. Chenle.) has just offered you a ride in his fancy car. The same car you watched him pull up in for two whole years. And he wants you to get in it. 

The millions of scenarios that go through your head as to why this could be happening but as you painfully remember today’s events, you realize what this is about. 

Chenle shoves both his hands in his jean pockets as he awaits your answer. “...So?” 

You breathe in deeply, “Listen, um, if you’re doing this because you feel bad about earlier or something, please don’t.” 

Chenle’s eyebrows furrow together and he comes closer to you. “That’s not the case at all, I just saw you walking all by yourself and thought to offer you a ride home.” 

“But you drive past here every day and you’ve never offered me a ride before?” You question out loud, wincing as you realize that you could possibly sound creepy for knowing where he goes in the afternoon. “I mean- you always drive in the same direction as my bus stop! So I see you!” You feel how clammy your palms are rubbing against the harsh fabric of your jeans. “Speaking of the bus, I should probably go before I miss it.” 

Just as you turn to walk away, Chenle’s hand grips your wrist where your sleeve has ridden up, allowing the first skin to skin contact you ever made with him. Your eyes widen at him and he lets go immediately, awkwardly. “I guess I was focused on other things, but now I’m focused on you.” 

-

In the fever dream that was Zhong Chenle flirting (?), and the insistent drumming of your heart in your ears you come back to only realize you were moving into Chenle’s car. (The doors opened upwards!) 

The boy took the liberty of opening it for you, closing it once you were settled in. You took the moment he was walking to the driver’s side to take in a deep breath and compose yourself. 

What the hell is going on? Why Zhong Chenle talking to you? Why is he driving you home? Why did he tell you he’s focused on you? What? What does any of this mean? 

Before you could begin pulling your hairs out in frustration, Chenle’s door opens and he plops down onto the driver’s seat. He looks over at you with a smile as he fastens his seatbelt, “Buckle up.” You do so quietly, biting your lip to prevent any further embarrassment. 

The drive begins with little to no talking, the only thing filling the silence being the constant humming of the air conditioning and static of the radio.

 “Do you want to listen to something?” He presses his pale fingers to the glossy touch screen in between you two. Soon enough, a soft beat travels through the ambience of his car. You see from the corner of your eye that he looks over at you and smiles, but keep your nervous eyes on the road in front of you; Chenle faces the road once again, tilting his head to the side in a gesture that you would find unbearably cute any other day makes you want to open the car door and jump out into the street, running away from the awkward silence and the confusing thoughts plaguing your mind.

-

Chenle leaves after promising to pick you up tomorrow morning, you can only nod your head rapidly and run into your house, afraid that he would be able to hear the loud beats of your heart.

Once the door of your room is closed safely behind you, you finally breathe for the first time this afternoon. “What the fuck? What the shit? What the hell?” You mutter to yourself as you pace around the room. 

Could it be that your dreams are finally becoming a reality? Had Chenle seen you the way you saw him this entire time?

The one sided crush wasn’t as one sided as you thought! Is what you wanted to think, but there was part of you that questioned where his intentions lie due to the abruptness of the situation. What if there was an ulterior motive behind his actions? No. Chenle wouldn't do something as bad as play with someone’s emotions like that? Right? 

As you lay in bed pondering the thought you decide it's best to ask him tomorrow.

-

You wake up 30 minutes earlier the next day, showering thoroughly and waiting in the living room so as to not make him wait too long to leave when he arrives. 

This moment comes while you’re sitting at the table with your family, your eyes widen as you hear the knocks on your front door. “I’ll get it!” You stop your mother from reaching the door as you run to it. 

Chenle smiles politely as your face appears from inside the house. “Hey.” 

You smile back nervously, “Hi.” You proceed to stand at the doorway for a few awkward seconds before your mother comes to see who it is. She is pleasantly surprised to see someone of the male species there in front of you. 

“Oh?” She says, smiling at him then looking at you suggestively. You try to convey a silent plea to not embarrass you before she looks away to shake Chenle’s hand.  “Hi! I’m Y/N’s mom, are you one of her friends?” 

Chenle smiles at her sweetly, “Yes, I am. I’m actually here to pick Y/N up for school.”

“You’re taking Y/N to school?” Your mother’s shocked face is enough to tell Chenle that it was probably the first time anything like this has happened to you. 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Your mother sends you a sly smile that she thinks Chenle doesn’t notice before nudging your arm. “Then what are you doing standing there? Don’t make him wait!” Your groan and rub the spot on her arm where she pushed you as you go upstairs to grab your backpack.

Downstairs, Chenle accepts your mother’s offer of entering your humble home. Your house is a modest abode with strange decorations hanging up on the walls, along with pictures of your family. The living room looks like an orphanage where mix matched furniture goes to live. There's one pale green couch, one beige and one a bright yellow. Chenle thinks back to the pristine state of his own living room, the pure white furniture and modern, classy decorations hung up on the marble walls. He realizes that it is nothing like his own, in fact, he doesn’t think it could’ve been more different but he finds that he likes it. That it feels homey compared to his usually liefless house. It’s the kind of place he would stay in for a long time. 

Chenle shakes those thoughts out of his as soon as they appear, remembering why he was doing this in the first place, he couldn’t risk getting attached.

-

“Be honest with me.” 

Chenle startles upon hearing your voice above its normal shy muttering. You, on the other hand, are shaking in your shoes having practiced what you would say and thought over doing this millions of times last night. “What are your intentions? Like, it’s not that I think you’re a bad person or anything but I just don’t understand because of the suddenness.”

Chenle averts his eyes from the road to glance at you, smiling. He faces forward once again sighing slightly. “Okay, I’ll be honest,” He starts, you sit up straighter and involuntarily lean toward him. “I think you’re really cute, I always noticed you at my games and the way you would cheer me on was really endearing and it encourages me a lot.”

The butterflies that erupt in your stomach with his words are undeniable. “You noticed me?” Your quiet voice is back, still, he hears you. He smiles, and it’s genuine. 

“Of course I did,” he says, “And i know that it was very… sudden but if you give me a chance i would really love to take you on dates and maybe… more.”  

He sounds slightly unsure of himself. Rubbing the leather of his wheel with his hands. 

Your mind is mush. Chenle likes you! He thinks you're cute and he noticed you at his games! What is life?! 

“What do you say?” he says after the awkward pause in which you freaked out. 

‘No’ is not a word in your dictionary.

-

The cycle continues throughout the next week; Chenle picks you up every morning (never forgetting to bid your mother a good morning) and takes you home every afternoon (always politely rejecting your mother’s offers to stay for dinner), always spilling banter in the car, learning about each other. Chenle notices how you open up to him and he likes it (though he can’t really pinpoint why), he likes talking to you, and laughing with you and he finds himself wanting to be around you more often. Though this wasn’t initially part of the plan, he figures he can enjoy it until it had to end. 

The thought makes an eerie feeling rise in his chest, even if he doesn't know why, he thinks things will be a lot harder than he planned.

🏀

It’s friday when Chenle invites you to come watch his basketball practice.

You had imagined this scenario in your head plenty of times before but not once did you think you would ever actually be here sitting on the players bench watching up close as Chenle maneuvered across the court along with the rest of the players. There was sweat dripping off the tip of his blonde hair which made him look 10 times more attractive than he already was and you have to stop the drool that threatens to leak from your lips as he sits down next to you on the bench. “Hey.”

“Hi,” You reply, trying to keep yourself together.

“Practice is over.” Chenle says motioning towards the now empty court. It's only then that you realize that you and Chenle are alone, and suddenly, he’s sitting a lot closer to you than you thought. You turn your face to him and realize that your noses are nearly touching, Chenle smiles. “Hi.” He says, coming a bit closer until he feels the moisture of his sweaty arm against your dry one, he recoils. “Oh my god, I’m sorry. I’m so sweaty right now.” There’s a dust of embarrassed blush on his face as he slides away on the bench. Your heart starts beating erratically as you watch him try to rub his sweat away with his small hand towel.

You can’t find the words to tell him it’s okay (slightly scared to tell him that you like it) so you say the next best thing. “You looked cool playing.”

This eases him a bit, he smiles. “You think so?”

“Yeah!” You say, “Like Curry!” 

Chenle laughs, “Oh man! I can’t believe you just compared me to Curry.” He stands and takes a bow, waving his towel dramatically. “I am honored.” 

The scene causes you to giggle, and Chenle has to take a breather to calm his own beating heart. 

“Especially when you blocked Jaemin at the 3rd point and scored on the spot. I was impressed.” 

“You must know a lot about basketball.” He points out. You shake your head. 

“Not really,” is your response. “I only learned from coming to watch your games.” The sudden confession slipped from your lips and you momentarily panicked. 

Upon not hearing  a response from Chenle, your breathing deepens and you think maybe you ruined the moment. 

Unbeknownst to you, Chenle watches you with curious eyes. He senses the tension coming from you and walks away, leaving you alone in your troubled state. 

You think maybe Chenle left without, freaked out and uncomfortable because of what you said, however, you’re proven ridiculously wrong when you dribble a basketball on the floor. 

You lift your gaze to Chenle who dribbled the orange ball with a teasing smile on his face. “Why don’t you show me what you got?” 

“I- I don’t-“ you begin. 

“Oh come one, Y/N!” He says, passing the ball to you, “You have to be good. I mean, you did learn from the best.” The cocky shrug of his shoulders and teasing smile bring you peace of mind and you find yourself agreeing. 

-

It’s safe to say that Chenle is surprised at your skills. He should’ve known you had paid enough attention to him to learn all his techniques and dodge them while playing. And to think he was planning on letting you win so you could feel better. It eventually became a full competition. Sweaty bodies and heavy breathing, running, dodging, scoring. Teasing words and intense competitive gazes. 

The score was 7-7. Chenle sweeps in to swipe the ball from your hands but you pivot and shoot the three pointer right from your spot. “Yes!” You exclaim, throwing your hands in the air with a celebratory dance. “I won!”

Chenle is leaning with his hands on his knees, his chest heaving. “I need-“ he breathes, “I need to stop being so good at basketball. So heathens like you can stop learning my best tricks.” He brings his hand up to pinch your cheek teasingly. “You should join the team.” He says jokingly. You chuckle, rubbing the spot on your face that was just touched by his fingers. 

“As if.” 

“Hey! Does the idea of being in a team with tons of rowdy sweaty dudes that unappealing?” Chenle jokes, placing the basketball back in its place. 

“It’s enough with you.”

Before you can retract the statement, Chenle speaks. “That’s right, you only need one sweaty rowdy basketball player in your life.” He winks. “And that’s me.”

You laugh at his words but can feel your heartbeat all throughout your body. You can’t stop your mind from thinking: 

You’re damn right. It’s you. 

-

As you walk back to his car, Chenle is the first to break the comfortable silence. “You know… it was nice to see you so talkative and competitive today. I had fun.” 

And despite everything, he meant it. He knows he probably shouldn’t, but he does. 

Unaware of his inner turmoil, you smile. “I did too.” 

He gives you a lopsided smile in return before sliding the strap of your backpack off your shoulder and onto his own, keeping his own backpack company. “I’ll carry it for you.” 

You wonder if this is the start of something magical. Beside you, Chenle wonders the same but his thoughts are weaved with something more, something that meant trouble. 

You, however, hurry home to pour your feelings into a letter. Hearts drawn on the borders of the loose leaf page and a smile on your face all throughout. 

🏀

Every week it gets harder to become immune to Chenle’s charm. 

Today, he did something as simple as drop you off at home after school. However, before bidding you goodbye as song rings from the radio of his car. Chenle perks up. “I love this song!” 

He turns up the radio to its full capacity and rolls down the windows, making the music sound through the street. 

“Chenle! Turn that down!” You exclaim but the laughter in your tone hints that you want the exact opposite. Chenle shakes his head. 

“No can do!” he waves his arms dramatically in the air, “Dance with me!” 

You laugh once again at the wonderful boy, “You’re ridiculous!”

“Oh yeah?” He says challengingly. Suddenly he is opening the door and dancing on the sidewalk where everyone could see him. His movements are almost manic and all you can do is continue laughing. “I’m not leaving until you dance with me.”

“My neighbors are going to see you.” You warn. He shrugs.

“It's fine. I’ll just tell them I’m with you!” 

“Oh my god no.” You say, stepping out of the passenger’s side, walking around the car until you’re in front of him, you cross your arms. 

“Show me some moves, I’m getting tired.” 

And so an impromptu two people dance party breaks out on the sidewalk in front of your house. Even though in your imagination dancing with Chenle would require the presence of an elegant ball gown and fancy chandeliers, all there is to be seen is loud music, laughter, grabbing of hands and playful banter. And you wonder if it could ever be more perfect than this.

-

Of course, like any other human, Chenle has his moments. 

The morning car ride was as silent as could be. Chenle’s hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, angrily. His usual smile is replaced but a scowl that only left momentarily when you stepped into the car earlier, a (clearly forced) polite smile is what you saw.

Since then you didn’t dare to speak, not wanting to bother him when he was clearly having a bad time. 

You arrive at the school and escape the still awkward ambience, bidding him a quiet farewell before running in. 

- 

You proceeded to spend the entire school day wondering what was up with Chenle that morning and what you could do to help him. It’s when you meet at the end of the day once again that you ask, “Hey, is everything okay?”

The boy freezes up, before clearing his throat. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

You shrug, “Nothing, you you were just kind of, like, quiet this morning… so i figured you were upset.” 

The blonde boy in the driver’s seat keeps his eyes on the road ahead of him, “It’s nothing, Y/N.” He says in a rough tone, one you’ve never heard or thought you would ever hear him use. “It doesn’t concern you anyway, okay?”  

Your form deflates into the seat, wishing you had kept quiet like you did this morning. You reply, “Okay.” 

There’s tension. Body swallowing tension that lasts all throughout the car ride to your house, as Chenle pulls up in front the driveway and you have already unbuckled your seatbelt before he got the chance to put the car in park. 

In the passenger’s seat, Chenle feels the guilt creeping on him. He realizes that you only asked because you cared. “Wait-” Seemingly, he is too late since you’ve already shut the car door and made your way up your driveway. “Goddammit.” He sighs to himself, working to take off his seatbelt.

Your feet hurriedly take you to your door after you exit Chenle’s car, your nerves increase as you hear Chenle leave his car. “Y/N, I-”

The door opens before you can turn the handle, your mother’s smiling face looks back at you. “Hey, Honey.” You smile back at the woman, who immediately notices the emotions behind your smile. Quietly, she asks: “Are you okay?” 

As soon as you nod in response, her eye catches Chenle standing guilty behind you. “Chenle! How are you?” 

Chenle smiles with a nod, “I’m doing alright.”

“Well, I would invite you in for dinner but I can imagine what your answer will be.” She says jokingly, teasing him for all the times he had rejected her offer. To her surprise, Chenle doesn’t laugh awkwardly or agree with her, instead, he ponders for a bit. His gaze finds your own causing you to quickly look away. He feels his heart contract as he thinks of starting at square one with you; back to when you couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Actually,” He says, “Dinner sounds great.”

🏀

Even though the tension between you and Chenle is painfully obvious, he feels his heart become lighter as he watches how you interact with your little siblings. Laughing at their childish antics and playing along with them at the dinner table. Your parents engaged in conversation with each other across the table and Chenle sat next to you, smiling and nodding as your little sister animatedly explained to him why the rocks she found next to the trash can at recess just had to be magical. As he looks at the dynamic you have in your home, he realizes that this feels more like a home than his house ever has. All of you are sat at the table, the splash of colors brought by the miscellaneous decorations, the laughter and the love radiating from every corner makes Chenle want to stay there forever. 

“Woah!” He acts, “Are you serious?” 

The little girl nods proudly, “Mhm! And I’m going to give this one,” she points to a particular shiny one on the dining table, “to Y/N, so she can make her dream come true. But don’t tell her it’s a secret.” 

He chuckles at her before whispering, “why do you think she’ll ask for?” 

She giggles, leaning closer. She puts a hand over her mouth as she whispers. “Number 22.” 

Chenle refrains from gasping, “Huh?”

“She talks about him but she never wants to tell me who he is.” She explains. “But I think if she had a rock to grant her wishes, she would wish for him.”

Chenle takes this moment to look over at you, studying your side profile as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, helping your little brother with his food. 

That’s when it hits him. He realizes that this isn’t what he planned it to be, that the bet he set up with his friends had gone too far, and that if he himself had a magic rock for his use… he would wish for you too.

-

“Thank you so much for the food, it was delicious.” Chenle says, rubbing his full belly to emphasize. Your mother chuckles. “It was my pleasure, Chenle. You can come back anytime you want, you are always welcome here.” 

“I definitely will, ma’am.” He says with a lopsided smile before shaking your father’s hand firmly. You can already tell by the way your father affectionately claps his hand on his shoulder and smiles at him that he too has taken a liking to the boy, like your mother. 

“Y/N.” She says sternly, turning to you who currently battled to avoid Chenle’s eyes. You hum. “Be polite and walk Chenle to his car, please.” 

You grimace subtly, not wanting to be the awkward air that would come with being alone with him. You want desperately to say no, but the gaze your mother gives you tells you that would mean trouble for you. 

The basketball player notices your hesitation and looks down sadly at his sneakers, remaining that way as you lead him to the front door of your house. Its then that Chenle looks up to the view of the back of your head, his hand twitches in want to smoothen out the ahi at the back of your head for you. 

You catch Chenle mid dilemma as you turn to face him, gesturing towards the open door. His eyes shift from you to the door. And to his car, he thinks about the ride home and how once he gets home it will just be him and he’ll be alone. 

He doesn’t want to be alone. Strangely enough, he wants to be with you. 

“Chenle?” He hears your soft voice. Your eyebrows are furrowed as you watch him stand there, unmoving, with a look of confusion. He looks into your eyes and realizes you’re waiting for him to walk through the door first. He does so, head tilted down. You follow him out the door and close it behind you. 

You trail behind him until he reaches his car, however, instead of getting in like you expected him to, he turns abruptly to you. His eyes are glossy and startled at the sight of them. “Do you-“ He pauses, hesitating. “Do you wanna go for a drive?” 

“A drive?” You ask, watching him fiddle nervously with his keys. 

“Yes.” 

“Right now?” He nods firmly. 

“I don’t- I don’t think my parents will let me go out this late.” You say, wrapping your arms around yourself to combat the winter wind. Before saying in a quieter voice, remembering the events that took place earlier that day, “And I thought you wanted to be alone.” 

Chenle feels guilty upon hearing your words. Knowing you felt hurt by his words from earlier. He shakes his head, stepping closer to you. “No. I don’t. That’s the last thing I want right now.” 

You see something in his eyes that you had never seen before. Exhaustion mixed with sadness and worry. The usually mischievous happy go lucky look nowhere to be seen amongst all the turmoil you found looking at him. You immediately grew more concerned. “Chenle…” you say, he looks away momentarily. “I’ll- let me ask my parents.” 

-

Much like many times before, you’re sat in the passenger's side of his expensive car. The scene has become common, except the ambiance is different. Chenle doesn’t attempt to start conversation like he always does, instead, he just stares forward blankly. Occasional tears rolling down his pale cheeks which he wipes away as soon as they appear, you are itching to ask the boy what is going on in his pretty head but decide against it once you remember how that turned out earlier. So you keep silent as Chenle presses harder on the gas causing the streetlights of the empty highway to become a blur above you. It momentarily impressed you how fast his car could go, however, once you look over at the boy, you see his state. Chenle has strings of tears running down his face, snot dripping out of his nose and even his hair is sticking to his forehead due to his excessive sweating. 

“Chenle, maybe we should pull over.”

He doesn’t seem to hear you, only pushing further down on the accelerator. Fear and concern enters your bloodstream as you watch him become a version of himself you’ve never seen, a version you didn’t even think existed. You reach over took him and rest your shaky hand on his arm. Upon feeling your touch, his head snaps to you and he hits the brakes abruptly causing your entire body to jolt forward. “Woah!”

Chenle’s chest heaves as he sees how scared he has made you. “I’m- I’m sorry.”

“Pull over, Chenle.” You say sternly, pulling your hand away and instead of doing what he wanted to do which was pulling your hand back to him, he does as you told him and park his car on the side of the road. The two of you sit in silence for what feels like forever, until you hear a sniffle come from Chenle’s side of the car. Looking over, you notice how he is hunched over the steering wheel, crying.

“Chenle?” You use the softest voice you could muster. “Chenle, what’s wrong?”

Your immediate response is silence. He takes in short choked breaths, it seems like every breath he takes causes him to fall into a state of agony. 

“I think-” he said, voice quivering. “Y/N, I think I’m a bad person.”

The sentence confuses you. “Why would you think that?” 

“Because I did something terrible to someone I care about.” He answers, you note that he is not able to meet your eyes. It scares you. “What did you do?”  

“I can’t-” He says breathlessly, his hand fumbling to open his car door. Stumbling out, watch as he makes his way around the car, leaning against the cement railing with his head in his hands. 

You watch him in momentary shock before following him his actions and getting out of the car as well. You carefully approach him. “What is going on with you?” 

Chenle sighs, pulling his hands away from his face. “I had a fight with my mother this morning, and everything was just piling up and I guess that was just the last straw.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“I just… everyone expects so much from me.” He breathes. “My parents, my friends, my teachers, everyone at that damn school!” The railing in front of him takes the blows of his frustration. “And I don’t think i’m as good as they think i am, i'm not worth it.” He looks over at you and you immediately straighten at the sight of his red face. “Like you, Y/N. You’re so good to me, so nice and sweet. I don’t deserve it. Especially from you.” 

You don’t know what he means by that. Chenle knows you don’t know but he stays silent. You take this as your chance to speak. “I’m not only nice to you because I want to be. Because you’ve always been nice to me too, Chenle.” You dare to step closer, into his bubble. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, it would be impossible to meet everyone’s expectations so just be yourself… that’s enough for a lot of people.”

Chenle’s mouth speaks before he can stop it. “Is it enough for you?”

To forgive me? To still be the same after you realize what I’ve done. 

There is a silence that follows that one sentence, Chenle avoids your gaze nervously, he doesn’t realize that your silence is the product of your racing mind. The mind that is currently trying to find the words to describe what is happening in your heart. You ultimately decided that the best way to go is the truth. 

“You know… I kinda had a crush on you all throughout high school, which is kind of embarrassing but that’s not the point,” you start, “the point is that I had this perfect version of you in my head. Of what you would be like. And then when you came up to me that day… I didn’t know if I could talk to someone who wasn’t the Chenle I knew up here.” You take the liberty of poking a finger against your temple. “But I did anyway, and I realized you were nothing like the Chenle I saw in my head…”

Chenle chuckled sadly before commenting, “Ouch.” 

“You were better than him.” Chenle’s gaze snaps towards you in shock, you look forward. Too afraid to meet his gaze. “Nicer, funnier, and way more handsome than I thought up close.” You chuckle, having made the comment to help him feel better. “So yeah. I would say you are enough. More than, even.” 

“You really mean that?” 

For the first time you make eye contact, you furrow your eyebrows to try and make your sincerity as apparent as possible. “I do.”

He knows you do and that mends his heart as much as it breaks it into tiny pieces. He wants nothing more than to pull you towards him and smash his lips onto your own, but he also knows that it will only worsen the situation that is yet to come. Still his hands reach before he can stop them and reach to cup either side of your face. 

Your heartbeat is running at an unearthly speed, Chenle can hear it but knows his own is probably the same. Betraying his common sense, he leans into you until your lips are almost touching, the top brushing enough to have you wanting more. You think he’s going to kiss you and close your lips tightly. However, instead of his lips, you feel his hot breath when he utters the words: “I’m sorry.” Before removing his hands from your face and backing away. 

You can’t say the action didn’t cause a hurtful blow to your feelings but you also knew Chenle was in a tough place right now. You smile at him. “You don’t have to be sorry.” 

Chenle hates how you smile at him when he does things that hurt your feelings. He hates that you’re so considerate and nice to him despite what he is doing to you behind your back. He hates that you will find out one day and that you’ll hate him as much as he hates this. He hates that he doesn’t want to lose you, and that in the end he probably will. 

-

Friday is a holiday, so you don’t see Chenle the day after he took you on a late night drive with him. (You wrote another letter that night). In fact, you don’t hear from him until your phone chimes Saturday morning, Chenle’s name above a text message.

22 [9:15am]: hey

22 [9:15am]: I hope you’re good :)

22 [9:15am]: I just wanted to let you know there’s a party at my house tonight

22 [9:16am]: if you want

22 [9:18am]: actually, I really want you there so…

22 [9:20am]: please come.

You read the texts over a few times, it dawns upon you that you've never seen Chenle’s house. Sure, you’ve heard from classmates who had gone to his huge parties that it was extravagant as can be, resembling a hotel lobby rather than a house. The thought of being in his home made your hands sweat. Still, you remember how anxious you were to see him, especially after the other night, and you find yourself typing a reply of confirmation before tossing your phone to the side and walking to your closet to find something to wear for tonight. 

🏀

As soon as your parents drop you off in front of what was easily the biggest, brightest, classiest house you’ve ever seen in your entire life, you get the unnerving urge to go home. 

The abundance of people did nothing to help the creeping anxiety, the stares of some that briefly trained on you before whispering something to their friends. You couldn’t help but feel out of place. That is, until you see a familiar face. Jisung walks up to you with his hand wrapped around his girlfriend’s. “Hi!” He calle brightly as the girl waved friendly. 

“Hey guys!” You try to stabilize your voice. “How’s the party?” 

“Honestly… it kinda turned sour once some lower class men came and started to get wasted.” Jisung chuckled out, his girlfriend nods in agreement as she grips his arm affectionately. You smile when he looks over at her and smiles. There’s a part of you that feels envious of the relationship the two have but most of your thoughts surround how happy you are for the two. “We’re probably leaving soon anyway.” Jisung adds on. 

After getting over your monetary panic of having to be alone once again you nod your head, smiling at them. “Okay, I’m going to try to find Chenle.” They nod and bid their farewells, you sigh out loud as you walk through the crowd once again, searching for the blonde hair of the boy you so desperately need to calm right now. 

“I heard that she is the one Chenle left Ava for?” You hear someone say. 

“No way! Chenle wouldn’t stoop that low, plus I heard Ava broke up with him.” 

“Either way, I don’t understand why he would be hanging with her anyway, he probably feels sorry for her. What a loser.” 

It’s strange how you can hear their comments over the loud music that causes the walls to vibrate. You feel like vomiting as your insecurities take over and another sweaty presses against you. You push them away and run the rest of the way, not looking to find Chenle anymore just wanting to get out of here. You find what you hope is the bathroom and open the door, running inside and shoving the door closed, chest heaving.

“Y/N?” You hear from behind you, you turn around in shock and make eye contact with the red faced boy you spent your whole night looking for. “Chenle.” 

It’s then that you realize that he’s not alone. Across from him is an equally red faced Ava, eyebrows furrowed and lips turned down in a frown. 

It dawns upon you that you might have just interrupted something. 

You look between the two before averting your gaze back to the floor. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Hands grabbing the door handle and turning it quickly in a desperate attempt to flee the room. Completely deaf to the , “Wait!” That leaves Chenle’s mouth as you leave the room. 

Soon enough your back in the sea of sweaty drunks, trying to stabilize your voyage to the front door. To escape the stormy waters this night has caused your nerves. 

And you almost make it, had it not been for the harsh shove you received that sent you tumbling onto the floor. Suddenly, the people around you become giants and their huge feet stomp around you, threatening to squash you under their sneakers as if you were an irrelevant bug. 

Your shaky legs prevent you from standing up, and you only realize you’re crying when you feel a tear run down the side of your neck. No one seems to notice you’re there and you suddenly remember why being invisible sucks. 

It feels like ages have passed when you feel hands gripping your arms and lifting you onto your feet. Chenle’s voice sounds distance even if he’s barely an inch away from you. “Are you okay?” 

“I think-“ you say, shakily. “I think I’m having a panic attack.” 

Chenle takes your head and shoves it into his chest, making sure to keep a hand over your eyes as he leads you through the crowd. “It’s okay.” He whispers. “Everything is going to be okay.” 

He repeats the sentences over and over until you two reach a quieter place and you hear the door of a shutting door and the music becomes muffled. 

Chenle keeps a hand secured around your head as he holds you for a few more seconds before slowly letting you go. 

“I need you to breathe with me, okay?” He says. Before you can think, you nod. “In through your nose.” He demonstrated, you follow. “Out through your mouth.” 

You continue this until the beating of your heart has slowed down and you don’t feel like you're physically suffocating anymore. Instead, you feel tired. Chenle must have noticed because he ushers you to lay on the neatly made bed behind you, tucking you in before you had time to protest. 

🏀

It takes a whole ten minutes for either of you to speak, you half expected Chenle to leave after throwing this blue blanket over you, instead, he sits at the edge of the mattress and picks at his nails. Kind of like he wants to say something. 

“Thank you for helping me.” You speak first. “I don’t know what went wrong.” 

Chenle sighs, “I’m sorry for not finding you, I just- I was-“ 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain.” You interrupt, remembering where he was when you finally found him. It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, still you know it’s not your place to question him. “I should get going, anyway.” You rush to slip on your shoes only to be stopped by Chenle. 

“No, it’s not what you thought it was.” He starts. You avert your gaze from him in fear of what he had to say. “Ava and I ran into each other earlier and she was just going off about how horrible I was in front of everyone. I think she was drunk, but she was causing a scene so I wanted to take her somewhere where it wouldn’t cause a commotion. I didn’t want to bring her in here so I just took her to the bathroom” He says, “We got into a bit of an argument, and that’s when you walked in.” 

“It’s-“ 

“She told me she wanted to get back together.” He blurts out, like he was getting something off his chest. 

“Oh.” Is your reply.

“Obviously I said no.” He says, almost expectedly. He doesn’t know that the knot that was tightening in your chest loosened a bit at his words. He watches you for a bit before speaking again. “What- what’s on your mind?” 

The question catches you off guard. You don’t really know what’s on your mind, the messy twister of thoughts going too fast for you to be able to reach in and grab a coherent thought. Only one thing pops up and you go with it. 

“Is this your room?” 

Chenle is silent for a second before he says. “Uh, yeah? Yes, it is.” 

You hum, laying on your back once again. It’s then that you notice the glow in the dark stars Chenle has stuck to the ceiling of his room, identical to the ones in your own. “You have stars on your ceiling.” 

He chuckles embarrassingly, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’ve lived here since I was a kid my grandad put them up there when I was young and I just never got around to taking them down.” 

“I have the same ones on mine.” 

“Really?” He asks. But he can’t help the shift his heart takes as he thinks of the two of you laying under the same glow in the dark stars every night. 

Before he knew it, he was walking towards the light switch and flicking it off. The lights shine to their full potential over you. It eases you a bit, until you feel the bed dip next to you and you smell his close proximity to you, feeling the warmth coming his shoulder where it touches your own as you lay side by side. 

The silence is comfortable this time. 

“Do you ever have panic attacks?” You ask suddenly. 

Chenle shakes his head but remembers you can see him, “No.” He whispers, as if someone would hear him. “But Jisung does sometimes, so I learned some techniques to be able to help him through it.” 

You smile into the darkness. “That’s nice of you.” You lower your voice to his whispering tone.

Suddenly words are absent and the two of you just stare at the stars to the ceiling. 

You know it’s weird, that after the other night, you are lying in Chenle’s bed beside him like nothing happened. Like you had always been there. You wondered whether you should be glad or scared that you feel that way.

Beside you, Chenle is having his own dilemma. On one part, he feels relieved that you’re safe now, that no one can hurt you now that you’re here with him. He feels comforted that you look so at home in his room, blending in so well it almost sends his head reeling. (Partially the reason he turned off the lights.) On another part, he feels so scared that he wants to think you blend in and that he wants to tell you everything in his head. That he wants to let you in, when he knows he shouldn’t. That he felt concern in his veins when he saw you in such a panicked state earlier, and all he wanted to do was tuck you into his chest and protect you forever. 

Why did he want to protect you forever? 

He turns on his side, you feel it. His breath fans on the side of your face. You turn to his darkness, staring to where you knew his face would be. 

“Can I tell you something?” He says, it’s too late to take it back now, since you nod. “The other night when I ate dinner at your house…” he starts, “I was in such a bad place, And I never thanked you for putting up with me and having me over for dinner, it made me feel so much better, you know before everything blew up in the car.” 

You furrow your eyebrows at his words. “That was actually my mom’s doing, but I will make sure to tell her you said so.” 

Chenle shakes his head, kissing his teeth. “No, that’s not it. It was because you were there, Y/N.” 

You hold your breath when he said that, not replying. Chenle takes his own in an attempt to calm his rapid heart. “Spending time with your family kinda made me feel like I was a part of something special.” He confesses. “Something you were a part of.”

An unsteady exhale tumbles from your lips, his statement doing a number on your heart. “What… what are you trying to say?”

This is it, Chenle. Tell her about the bet, confess what you did and fix everything before things get too serious and you break her heart. Tell her the truth! 

‘The truth’ Chenle thinks. ‘Okay.’

“I like you, Y/N.” You don’t see that he is squeezing his eyes shut even if the room is pitch black.

“What?” You say in disbelief, even if the butterflies have already started erupting in your stomach. 

“I like you.” He repeats. “So much.” 

You stare in his direction in a state of shock and happiness. Meanwhile, Chenle beats himself up in his mind, taking your silence as a bad sign. “It's okay if you don’t want to be a thing or anything, I just thought, you know, since I like you and you like me… Liked? Is that past tense?” 

Your head shakes and causes a ruffling noise against his pillow. “No, it’s very much present tense.” 

The warmth pressed against your shoulder disappears. And you hear Chenle’s footsteps throughout the room, suddenly the world turns bright and Chenle walks back to the bed. Now with the light on, he can see the blush on your cheeks and the small smile you wear. He smiles back at you, but he feels bad. So, so bad. 

So bad that leans down to lay over you, kissing your breath away. 

It's only after the momentary surprise that you begin to kiss him back.

His lips are rougher than you thought they would be, but still held some pillow like softness you expected. His hands hold your cheeks as he dips down further to bring his lips closer to yours. 

Now you totally understood why everyone was so crazy about kissing. It’s the best thing ever, and you never want it to end. However, breathing becomes an issue when you kiss someone, you learned. Chenle is the first to pull away, keeping his face a barely centimeters from your own, your breaths meet in the middle. 

When you finally open your eyes, you are met with Chenle’s worried ones already watching you. You immediately frown. 

“What’s wrong?” You ask. Are you a bad kisser? Does your breath smell? Does he regret it? His response is unlike those, shocking you when the words leave his mouth. 

“I don’t want to break your heart, Y/N.”  He looks away from you. His body is still positioned above you, the position being one that makes it hard to avoid your eyes (and one that is even suggestive).  Still he tries his best, that is, until he feels your soft hands cradling his cheeks just as he has been doing to your own just a few minutes ago. 

“Chenle, look at me.” You say, though your voice is wavering. He obliges. “Why are you worried about that?” 

“I just-” You can tell he would look away if you weren’t holding his head in place, he can’t hide his eyes now. “I’m just afraid I'll do something to hurt you and that you’ll hate me.” He says, which isn’t the whole truth but is also not a lie. 

“Why would I hate you? I could never.” Chenle wants to scoff sadly when you say that but you cut him off. “I’ll promise to not break your heart if you promise to not break mine.” You extend your pinky in between your faces. 

Chenle winces internally, feeling like he already broke your heart. And he is more scared now that it’s real. That you like each other and this probably makes you guys a thing, that he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings like he knows he will. But he also thinks about the fact that he has never felt this way with anyone else, that you were the first girl he ever felt comfortable enough with to let in his room, that you have glow in the dark stars like him and that it kind of feels like you’re split-aparts that have finally found each other. The longer he could keep you by his side, the better. 

That’s when he decides to let himself live in this world, at least while he can. He wraps his pinky around yours and lets your thumbs touch, sealing the deal.

He doesn’t have time to regret his decision because you lean up and catch his lips before he can think of anything but you.

🏀

Two weeks later, and most of your days have been spent much like this one. Chenle’s arms wrap protectively around your middle as you read the messages on your phone. One being a reminder from the president of the student council about the special dress code for Valentine’s Day. 

You turn in Chenle’s hold and meet his sleepy eyes, he smiles. “Did you see what the student council is doing?” 

“Mm?” He replies, you turn your phone to him. “A dress code?” 

“Yep, white for single, pink for complicated, and red for taken.” You say, bringing attention back to you phone. “I’m glad I look good in pink.” 

The statement confuses Chenle. “What do you mean pink? What is complicated?” 

You startle at the awareness and worry on his voice compared to the sleepy mumbles you were getting just moments ago. “Well… I mean, you never asked me to be your girlfriend.” 

Chenle freezes. You were right, he never did because part of the bet was to have a girlfriend by Valentines, it made him feel as though he wasn’t a complete asshole if he hadn’t completed the bet. “You’re right.” 

You watch him expectedly, but receive no response. Holding back a sigh, you bring your attention back down to your phone. 

“Are you upset with me?” His soft voice meets your ears. 

You shake your head. “Of course not, why would I be?” 

“It’s not fair to you that I keep you waiting.” None of what I’ve done to you is fair, he thinks. 

You reach up and stroke the hair that frames his face, smiling softly. “I’ll wait until you’re ready, Chenle. You know that.” 

It scares him how soft you are, how warm and safe he feels when he’s with you. That’s when he decides, it’s best if he waits out this week and lets himself live like this longer, even if it’s for a bit. 

“Kiss me.” He whispers. And you do. Pushing your chest flush against his, making sure every part of your body touches his own; remaining like that until you are sure you have blisters lining your lips from how much you’ve kissed him. 

The two of you end up hotly panting, you straddled over his lying figure. Chenle looks up at you from where he is before sitting up, suddenly, you feel the warmth of his hands tug at the edge of your shirt. His eyes ask for permission, which you reply to with a nod. 

You’re nervous. Very much so. You wonder if this will be the first time you have sex or if anything else will happen. 

Chenle lifts your shirt off your head and places it next to your body. “Is this okay?” He asks, his big innocent eyes looking up at you. 

“Yes.” Is the only answer you can formulate. 

The boy maintains eye contact with you as he says the following words. “Do you want to take off mine?” 

Your face flushed red, you can feel it. “I-if that’s okay with you.” His answer is in the form of his hands leading your own to the hem of his shirt, before letting go and putting his arms up. Your hands are shaking as you grab the clothing, slowly pulling it up, exposing his pale abdomen inch by beautiful inch. 

You smile at him as his head finally reappears from the whole in his shirt. “Hi.” You say, he smiles.

What he does next is something you didn’t expect from the lead up of events, unlike anything you’ve seen in erotic movie or read about in novels. 

He wraps his arms around your waist and pushes you down to lay next to him, he then pulls you towards him so that your the heat of your torso melts into his own. He shuffles until he is as close to you as he can get, only then is when stops moving. Resting his cheek against your own, you feel his breath on your ear. 

“I just want to be close to you, to hold you.” 

Just like that your heart is full to the brim once again. 

-

It’s the night before Valentine’s Day and Chenle is restless. He had decided tomorrow would be the day he would tell you everything. He would come clean and the two of you would start over (right?). He had practiced what he was going to say for hours earlier that night, wanting to have the perfect words so that his message got across to you. Still, even with all that practice, he knows there’s no guarantee that you won’t hate him. That you will swear him off and never speak to him again, when he has become so fond of you. The thought makes his hands ache and toes curl in an angsty feeling. 

After tossing and turning for nearly two hours, he finally gives up on sleeping and opts for looking at the stars stuck to his ceiling. He wonders if you’re awake right now. If you’re thinking about him while looking at your stars. He imagines your messy hair and pajamas and smiles softly to himself. “I miss her.” He says out loud, to the darkness of his room. 

Suddenly, everything happens in a flash as he throws his covers off himself and marches to the closet, pulling out his favorite red hoodie, grabbing the Valentine’s Day gift he had gotten you days ago then he’s in his car. Desperate to get where you are. 

-

It’s nearly 1am when you hear the knocking on your window. You had just begun to fall asleep when the noise startled you awake. 

Upon inspecting your window cautiously, you gasp when you see Chenle’s blonde hair. The window opens with a click. “Chenle! What are you doing here?” 

What is he doing here? “I just wanted to see you.” 

His words flutter your heart. “But it’s 1am, on a school night.” 

“I know that, I just…” he scratches the back of his neck because in reality he doesn’t know why the hell he even came here in the first place. “I had to give you something.” 

He extends the bag in his hand out to you. “Happy Valentine’s Day.” 

The bag contains two items, the first being the red hoodie you had seen Chenle wear many times before. His smell reeked off of it, causing you to nearly die of delight. “Wear this tomorrow.” He says. “Cause you’re mine.” 

You don’t know that his heart hurts for you, he pities you for being the one who causes him to lose all self control and make decisions that will hurt you in the long run. He feels so sorry that he couldn’t wait until tomorrow, that he just wanted you today, now. Before you get the chance to hate him. To run away. He wanted you to be his. 

You say nothing to him, only smiling bashfully as your cheeks matched the color of his clothing item. You look into the bag and see a black box that would be the second item. “What’s this?” You say to yourself, smiling up at Chenle. You open the box to reveal a beautiful necklace with a pretty pink diamond hanging off the end. You gasp. 

“Chenle, I can't accept that.” You say, closing it. You knew the necklace probably cost more than your house, you felt guilty taking it. 

“Please accept it. I bought it for you. I want to see it on you every day.” He seizes the opportunity to reassure himself. “And yes. It cost a lot, so that means we have to continue seeing each other, hm?” 

“Chenle…” you say. 

“Please.” He says in a way that makes you wonder if this is only about the necklace. 

“Okay.” 

You pivot and allow him to clip the chain, you turn to him and catch his reaction to the jewelry resting against your upper chest. “How do I look?”

Chenle’s eyes study the necklace before looking into your own. He smiles somewhat sadly as his arm reaches up to stroke your own. “You look beautiful.” He whispers. “Just like I knew you would.” 

You can’t put your finger on it, but something about his demeanor is unsettling. “Chenle, is something wrong?” You ask, to which he shakes his head weakly, but the sad look on his face tells you otherwise. You figure it had something to do with his family and refrain from asking. Instead you cup his cheek to provide him comfort, he leans into your touch and shits his eyes momentarily. “I love it. Thank you.” You say in a quiet voice. Chenle watches your features move into a soft smile before impulsively leaning forward to peck your lips. 

“I’m so happy.” To be with you, to be yours. “Let's be happy together for a long time, okay?”

You don’t say no.

-

The next morning you arrive before every other student to school. Chenle’s red sweater rests on your figure as you reach your locker and take out what had been heavy in your mind since last night. The letters. You were going to give them to Chenle and ask him to be your boyfriend. Sure, you were nervous to do so, but you knew Chenle was someone you wanted to have in your life for a long time. That's why you slip the envelopes decorated with his name one by one into the vent of his locker. 

You remember thinking this would be the beginning of something great. 

You were wrong.

🏀

There’s a pep in your step as you make your way through the halls after school clad in Chenle’s red hoodie, heart eyes searching for the boy. 

And for the first time in probably ever, you wished you wouldn’t have found him. You wished you didn’t have to see Chenle pressed up against his locker with his hands resting on Ava’s hips as she kisses him roughly. 

“Oh my god.” You say, voice small but enough to catch Chenle’s ear. The boy immediately pushes Ava away from him and turns to the sound of your voice with pleading eyes. 

“Y/N-“

“Look who showed up!” Ava interrupts, turning fully towards you. “I was wondering when you were going to come looking for him like you always do, I bet you’re glad it’s over, right Chenle?” 

The way the boy looks away from your eyes to shift his guilty gaze to the floor makes you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “Chenle what is she talking about?” 

When the boy remains silent, Ava’s high pitched voice answers for him. “Well, since he doesn’t seem very talkative right now, I’ll just tell you myself.” She clears her throat, as if setting the scene, your hands are starting to ache. “A month ago, our darling Chenle made a bet with his friends after our break up, you know as boys do, they said he couldn’t get another girlfriend before Valentine’s Day. Obviously, Chenle’s competitive self took that as a challenge and it’s obvious that you had been in love with him for like ever so you were the easiest target.” 

The way the world stops spinning isn’t like it’s described in all the romance novels you read, it’s not the good kind that makes you feel like you're floating that nothing could stop you, it’s the kind that weighs you down and makes you feel dizzy, causing you to stumble. This is what you feel when you ask: “Chenle… is this true?” And the boy just stares at you, for a second before looking away once again. 

“Of course, it’s true. He was even showing me the pathetic love letters you wrote to him.” She motions to the stack of letters in Chenle’s hands. You gasp, feeling like every last bit of you was torn apart. The thought of them reading the deepest tellings of your heart and laughing at it, all when you wholeheartedly believed that the boy you spoke about in the letters was finally all yours.

When he wasn’t. He was never yours. But he wanted you to think that. 

“Oh my god,” you run to him and attempt to rip the letters out of his hands only for him to hold on tighter. “Let go, Chenle.” 

“Y/N, please-“ 

You can’t help the sob that creeps up your throat as your attempt weakly to shake your heart out of his hands. “Please, let go.” 

Chenle watches you cry before him and feels like that the act of ripping his actual heart out of his chest would hurt less than this. 

You take this moment of weakness and rip the letters out of his grasp, before running down the hall. 

-

It’s only when you feel a hand grasp your shoulder and spin you around that you realize that Chenle has followed you all the way out to the parking lot. 

Seeing him caused every bone in your body to ache, and the contractions in your heart were hard to ignore. “Wait, okay? I need to explain somethings to you.” 

“I don’t want to hear your explanations! I just want to go home.” You realize that you probably sound like a bratty child but you couldn’t care less. 

Chenle nods, “Okay, then let’s go.” 

“Not with you.” 

Chenle can't help the dagger that the sentence shoots into his heart. “Then I’ll say what I need to say right here!” He exclaims, trying to mask his pain with anger. “It’s true that I made a bet with my friends to date you the day I first drove you home, and it’s really shitty of me, I know. But I had just broken up with Ava and everything was so messy and I just wanted to make her feel bad so I said yes. “ He pauses, “I said yes and so I went to you since I knew you liked me-“

“Jesus,” you wince, embarrassment creeping up your throat and clogging it up. Your eyes water as you think of how truly fucked up the situation is. 

That day, one month ago, you were right to question Chenle’s intentions. No, he didn’t admire you or see you the way you saw him, you were just easy bait. And everything has been a lie. “I can’t- I can’t do this.”

Chenle tries to stop the tears of guilt that threatened to leak from the corners of his eyes. “I’m sorry, Y/N.” 

“No you’re not.” Your bitter words are a shock to Chenle, he had never heard you use that tone with him (or with anyone) before. “You’re not fucking sorry.” Tears of humiliation and frustration run down your face and Chenle wants desperately to cradle your cheeks in his hands, but thinks he might never be able to after this. “It might not have been a big deal to you Chenle, but you were my first kiss, you were the first guy who ever took me on dates and drove me around in his car, you. And I thought you were the first boy who ever liked me.” The smell of him you once loved reeks of the hoodie covering your body, however, instead of feeling welcomed and happy you feel like it’s creeping up the sides of your neck and suffocating you to no end. You groan as you grab the hem of the article and rip it off your body, leaving you in a flimsy t-shirt to combat the winter cold. 

Chenle sighs, “I know you’re mad at me but you’re going to get sick if you walk home like that. It’s cold.”

You scoff in response, “Lucky for you then, because you don’t need to worry about me anymore.” In a quieter voice you say. “I was probably just a burden to you this whole time.” 

The boy immediately opposes the statement, “You were never a burden, I liked hanging out with you. I care about you.” 

“Only because it helped you win that stupid bet, and to make your ex jealous!” You exclaim, finally looking into his sorry eyes. He looks tired, you almost falter in your stance before putting up the wall separating you two that had always been there before the day he drove you home. 

You wished he had never approached you, because the Chenle in your dreams would never do this to you. 

It’s in that moment that you feel the weight of the dove on your neck, your finger move to unhinge it as you place it on top of the hoodie resting against his chest. You watch his jaw tense as he looks at you. You make eye contact one last time with the blonde haired boy in front of you, Before sadly turning away. 

“Y/n please,” it’s the weakest you’ve ever heard his usually booming voice. “Don’t leave me like this. What about our promise, huh? You’re breaking my heart right now.” Chenle knows the attempt to get you to stay is pathetic and desperate but he’s at a loss of what to do. 

Angrily, you spit. “You broke my heart the moment you approached me that day so I guess that promise was made to be broken wasn’t it?” 

Chenle watches you walk away with your arms wrapped tightly around your shaking body. He sees as you walk past a trash can and dump all your letters into it, wiping your tears and starting your journey to the bus stop. 

And he would never share this with you, walks up the trash can with tears in his eyes and reaches into the garbage, picking out every letter in there. He figures it’s the only piece of your heart he can manage to save for himself. It’s proof that the hate you now hold in your heart for him was once love. 

Even if he ruined everything. 

-

You never knew they called it heartbreak because your chest physically hurts this much. At times you feel like throwing up, at others you want to throw all your belongings across your room. The pain was almost unbearable at the beginning, embarrassing and hot flashes of anger running through you constantly as you think back to that moment.

You don’t go to school that Monday, telling your mom you were feeling sick. Which isn’t entirely a lie, especially when you see Chenle’s car pull up outside your house that morning. You feel like throwing up again. You’re angry at him. So so angry that he thinks things will be the same after what he did. That he thinks he can pull up at your house and drive you around after completely breaking your heart. 

You pull the blinds down as your mom comes through your door. “Honey, Chenle is here.”

“Tell him to leave.” You seeth, tears running down your face. You wipe them away frustratedly. “Tell him to never come back here, Mom.”

Your mother watches with sad, sympathetic eyes. Before nodding solemnly and closing the door on her way out. 

Due to a strange urge, you peek through the blinds and wait to see him walk out your driveway. He does, dragging his feet. Much to your dismay, he stops suddenly and turns to face your window. You immediately step away in the darkness of your room, away from the light and Chenle’s eyes. 

-

Three weeks pass, things at school remain the same for the most part. You hang out with Donghyuck like you used to. You try your best to not look over at the athletes table even when you feel Chenle’s eyes on you. However, somethings do change, you no longer spend your class time daydreaming about a certain blonde boy, or writing love letters on the back pages of your notebook about how pretty his eyes look when they catch the light. Instead, you stare out the window of your classrooms, wanting nothing more than to be in your room away from everyone once again. You sigh and look away from the window momentarily before looking up again. You startle as you see Chenle on the other side of the glass. Watching you with eyes that looked like they had a lot to say. You shudder  when you take in the bag under his eyes and exhaustion written all over his face. You want to believe it’s because of you, you hope it is. You hope he can’t sleep at night thinking of you. Nevertheless, you remember what happened on Valentine’s Day and realize you were probably too insignificant to him to have caused him to be this way. 

He softly smiles at you, bringing his hesitant hands up to wave at you, only for you to avert your eyes away from him and to the teacher at the front of the room. 

Chenle looks down dejectedly before continuing his walk, meanwhile you sit at your desk, wanting to escape more than ever. 

-

Three days later, your mother informs you that you have a visitor. “Tell him I don’t want to see him.” 

“It’s not Chenle.” She says before confusedly adding: “He said his name is Jisung.” 

Jisung? What the hell is he doing here? “I’ll be down in a minute.” 

When you finally get down stairs Jisung smiles awkwardly at you before gesturing towards the door. “Do you like milkshakes?” 

-

“What is this about?” 

The words that say heavy on your tongue the whole car ride here finally leave you as you sit across Jisung at Billy’s. He sips his milkshake before clearing his throat to speak. “How have you been?” 

You’ve been really shitty. “I’ve been fine, I guess.”

Jisung hums, rubbing his hand together before sighing. “I guess we should just get straight to the point, then.” He pauses, “Have you spoken to Chenle recently?”

While you figured this meeting had something with Chenle, you still sit up straighter when you hear his name. You clear your throat as if this is a kind of declaration. “No. I haven’t spoken to him since Valentine’s day.” You don’t want to ask about him, so you try the next best thing. “Why- why do you ask?” 

“I haven’t seen him since last week.” Jisung says, something in your stomach doesn’t sit right. “He’s been missing practice, which he never did, and he’s not answering any of my messages or calls. And the pre-final game is tomorrow and no one has heard from him.” 

His words are bazar. Basketball is unarguably the most important thing in Chenle’s life, why would he risk this chance of winning the championship like this? “He hasn’t spoken to me either, sorry.” You say, but your mind is fogged with worry as to where the boy could be. Jisung remains silent for some time before he clicks his tongue. 

“I know what happened between you two.” You avoid his gaze and feel blood rush to your cheeks. “And I think you’re right for not talking to him after that.” 

How could he say that about his best friend? Still, you nod. “But I think you only know a part of what’s really going on here.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, yeah. The whole thing started as a bet, but after a few weeks Chenle told me that something changed. He said he didn’t want to do the bet anymore, that he felt guilty for using you like that because he ended up really really liking you Y/N and I’m not just saying this because he is my best friend or anything but I think when the time is right, you should give him a chance.”

You finally look up at him and realize upon feeling a tear trail down your face that you were crying. You wipe it away quickly and sigh. “I don’t know, Jisung. He really hurt me, I was so embarrassed I felt like I could die.” 

“Sometimes we make stupid decisions.” The ‘we’ reminds you of the story of Jisung and his girlfriend’s love story that Chenle animatedly told you about one night you stayed at his house. You remember wondering how someone as sweet as Jisung could do any of those things, and how his girlfriend could forgive him for any of it.However, you knew the love they had for each other in their hearts was more than the anger due to his actions. You wonder if the attachment you have for Chenle would ever be enough. 

Jisung reads your mind. “I think he loves you.”

Your eyes become wide as planets before you scoff in disbelief. “Don’t say that.” You say, weak hearted.

“He does! While you two were still a thing he wouldn’t stop talking about how cute you were, how good you are at basketball and how you have the same glow in the dark stars on your ceiling that he does.” 

What? You didn’t think cared enough to talk about you or to remember those details. “He told you that?” 

Jisung nods, “And a lot of other things, but I don’t think we’ll have the time.” 

“He… he never told me he loved me.” You thought Chenle had just come into your life as a lesson to always be on your guard, to never let anyone in and protect yourself above others. But now… you wonder if you meant more to Chenle than you thought.

“Take it from me,” Jisung says, “sometimes those 8 letters can be the hardest to say.” 

🏀

Once you’ve parted ways with Jisung, (who offered to drive you home to which you politely declined to, telling him the walk home would give you time to think) you make your way home on your dirty sneakers and think about what Jisung said. 

It’s hard to believe that Chenle would actually say those things about you, while knowing he was playing you. You wondered if it really did change for him like Jisung said, and if he really felt sorry like he was telling you that day in the parking lot. 

You’re so lost in thought that you don’t realize the familiar car parked in front of your house until you hear the voice your heart has been longing to hear for weeks now. “Is Y/N home?” 

You bolt to the nearest bush and duck behind it, close enough to hear their words but far enough that Chenle and your conflicted mother are unaware of your presence. “Oh, I’m sorry sweetie she went out a few hours ago.” 

“Oh.” You flinch when you hear the disappointment in his voice. “Can you tell her I stopped by?” And that I miss her, he wants to say but you don’t know that. “And please give this to her too if it’s not too much trouble.” You hear shuffling as Chenle hands whatever it is he wanted to give you to your mom. 

“I will, sweetie.” Your mom says. “And Chenle?” There's a pause in which he hums. “Get some sleep, honey.”

You can imagine that Chenle throws her his signature polite smile, “I will try, Ma’am.” 

It’s not longer after that you hear his sneakers against the steps of your porch and see him get into his car. You have a perfect view of him from where you are. Watching as he frustratedly runs his hands through his hair and throws his head back against the seat. You don’t know why you feel sorry for him. You know you should be angry but after what Jisung told you, you need to stop yourself from going to him. 

-

You contemplate if even looking inside the bag is a decision. 

It sits in front of you neatly on your bed where you had placed it after your mother handed it to you with a worried: “He looks so tired, Y/N.” Which caused hurt to arise in your heart. 

The bag is a bright red one, the type that usually is full of candies and sweets, maybe flowers. You want to know what is inside manically, but you're afraid about what this would mean for your relationship (if you could even call it that) with Chenle. Is this his final goodbye or is this him trying to get you back?

You had to know.

Upon opening it, you are shocked to see a pale yellow envelope with your name written in Chenle’s messy handwriting on top. You grab it with shaky hands, the texture is different somehow, because for the first time ever, this letter was meant for you.  

Inside, there is a loose leaf paper much like the ones you had sent to him neatly folded. Your heart beats in your ear as you finally see the first words, you breathe in deeply and read away.

“Y/N, 

       I thought for a long time about what I would say to you in this letter, I’ve been sitting on it for three weeks trying to find the right things to say that would convince you to forgive me before I realized that they all sounded tacky and cliche when I read them back. So, i’ve decided to just go with the truth. It’s true that at first I wasn't honest with you, that I only approached you to complete a dare my friends had given me that day and I won’t make any excuses because I was such a huge asshole to you. I was just so hurt that day because of Ava and I wanted to make her feel like shit so bad, I wanted to hurt her like she had hurt me and I used you to do so, Y/N. But after I approached you and started spending time with you,I started thinking back to all the times I would look at you when the sun came in through the window in the English classroom before I had even spoken a word to you. I bet you didn’t know I did that, did you?” 

You didn’t, the you at that time would’ve freaked out if she knew though.

“I remember thinking you were so pretty, that you were untouchable to me so i just never tried. But something changed when i got to know you, i realized that you were the coolest person i’ve ever met, that you were real and that you were there with me whenever i needed someone. No one has ever made me feel so safe and comforted. I became selfish with you because I never wanted it to end. I didn’t want to tell you because i was scared you would hate me do you hate me? The night before valentines i went to your house because i planned on telling you everything the next day, i wanted to see your happy eyes just once more just in case i ruined everything. On Valentine’s day, when i got to school and read your letters. You wouldn’t believe how happy I was to read all the wonderful things you said about me. I was so happy that you held me as close to your heart as I held you to my own. I was going to tell you everything after that, i was going to confess and tell you that i couldn’t go another day with this secret. I was going to tell you how i felt but Ava stopped me, she told me she knew about the bet and then she kissed me and that's when you showed up. I’m so sorry you had to see that, I’m so that i used you like that. I’m sorry that I took advantage of you but I want you to know that I meant everything I told you, I loved spending time with you, and being with your family made me feel so special. I remember thinking we were split aparts and i know that sounds stupid but i really want you to know that i meant it. And every kiss we shared and every time I held you I felt it and I really really really mean it when i say that i loved you. I loved you so much that I didn't ever want to lose you.”

The past tense makes your chest tighten.

“I won’t tell you to forgive me, but your spot on the bleachers looks so empty without you. The pre finals are tomorrow and i would love it if you came, to cheer me on like you used to. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to but I wanted to give you something that would portray how serious I am about this. That if you are willing to come cheer me on with a part of me with you.”

This when you reach into the bag and pull out the item that once laid underneath your letter. The 22 of Chenle’s basketball jersey stares back at you, you gasp as you hold the fabric in your fingers. You had watched him run around the court with this very jersey plenty times before, you knew how much being number 22 meant to him. You were grateful he would trust you so important to him, you really wanted to grab his face and tell him that. Instead, you finish reading the letter. 

“You make me feel brave. And I will forever be sorry for what I did to you, but I mean it when I say I loved you I still love you. 

Please come.                                                         - Zhong Chenle.”

He loves you! Present tense. You could almost jump from joy. You want to see him, tell him you love him too. A million times if you can. You want to say that you forgive him for everything, that you have felt incomplete without him these past few weeks and the Chenle you made up in your mind was too perfect anyway. 

-

Chenle sighs for the upteenth time the next afternoon as he stretches along with his teammates. He tries his best to take his mind off of you for the time being, at least until after the game is over, he needed to focus but he found it very hard when he began to wonder what was going through your head when you read his letter, and if you were coming today.

He startles when he feels a hand on his shoulder. Hopeful, he turns. His hopefulness fades away when he sees Jisung standing before him. 

“Damn don’t look too sad to see me.” He jokes. Chenle shakes his head

“It’s not that…” Chenle explains, biting his lip nervously and subconsciously looks toward the bleakers where your empty seat was. Jisung gets the hint. 

“Chenle,” he says. “It's okay, she’ll come.” 

Chenle wants to ask him how he is so sure, that if he were you, he would hate himself too. Instead, he nods at him and readjusts the waistband of his shorts on his hips as the coach calls for the team to step out onto the court. 

People immediately start cheering for the players as they come into the view, girls go crazy in the stands and the members’ friends and families cheere enthusiastically from the side lines. The players smile and wave at their ‘fans’ doing a lap around the court to warm up and high five audience members. 

Chenle can only bring himself to smile half heartedly and wave weakly due to the fact that your spot on the bleachers still remains empty. 

He sighs out again, puffing his cheeks as the referee finally calls for the first round. That’s when his adrenaline starts pumping and he feels a bit better. 

The game goes on. 

-

Chenle’s jersey is only a bit big on you, almost fitting like something that would be your size, still, you try to pull it down over your hips in a nervous habit. You finally made it to the game, having fun late due to traffic. The spot you usually sit in is occupied by a woman holding a baby, so you decide to stay and watch from the sidelines, standing. 

The first time you see him, he is running across the court so fast he becomes a blur. You only know it’s him because of the head of blonde hair you see in the blurry image. He looks breathtaking as always, his hair being pushed away from his face by a sweat band being an addition to his look you wouldn’t mind seeing again. 

His sneakers squeak against the floor as he gets in position to shoot. You cross your fingers, but something is off. His eyebrows are furrowed in something that doesn’t look like concentration, but more like worry. His legs give him the impulse to jump up and soon enough his arms are shooting the ball towards the basket. You watch in disappointment as it hits against the rim and bounces back at him, he catches it with a frustrated click of his teeth. 

The audience has already begun whispering, having never seen the star player miss a shot. 

One of his teammates comes up to give him a fist bump of comfort, Chenle accepts it but still holds a troubled look on his face. The thought crosses your mind that it might  be because of you, it troubles the organ in your chest as much as it warms it. You notice he keeps glancing at a certain part of the bleachers, this is when you know he meant everything and that he surely is waiting for you. 

“Chenle!” You yell, trying to get his attention.

The boy doesn’t look your way, your voice getting lost in constant shouts and chatter from the people in the crowd. You try again, louder this time. Nothing. 

You groan frustratedly, the boy continues the game the best he can, but he’s out of it. You hate to see him like this, a deep hurt in your chest rising up. You cheer for him as loud as you can, deciding it would be better to wait until after the game to see him. 

As the game is coming to an end, Chenle appears to grow more and more tired and absent. Nevertheless, his team scores the winning point and the audience goes wild, including you. Chenle smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

 You can’t wait to hold him and tell him you forgive him for everything and that everything is going to be okay, and be with him for real this time. To have him be yours and be best friends against, go on nightly drives and have impromptu dance parties, to lay on his bed and count the plastic stars on his ceiling, to kiss him and be close to him. 

And for it to be real.

🏀

Chenle can’t help but feel dejected when your seat was never taken by you. He should’ve known this would happen, that is true but there was a fraction of him that thought you would read his letter and realize how sincere he was, he thought there was a part of you that knew it had been real and there was no way everything he said could've been made up. But he was wrong, and now as he packs his gym bag to go home, he faces the consequences of his high hopes. 

He’s mad, practically throwing his belongings in his bag, he almost throws his phone in the trash can next to him when he hears the ringtone go off. Chenle answers it with an irritated, “What?”

“Hey.” He recognizes your voice that same instant, still he pulls his phone back and makes sure its your caller ID before speaking again. 

“Y/N? Oh my god, hi!” He clears his throat  before repeating himself. “I mean, hi, hey.”

You hold back a laugh, noting his nervousness. “I’m sorry for calling so suddenly.” You decide to tease him, although, unbeknownst to him, you wear standing about 20 feet behind him after finally finding him in the now that the crowd of people has dispersed after the game. 

“No, don’t worry about it. I was actually…” Chenle flicks the zipper of his bag with his nervous fingers, “I was waiting to hear from you.” 

“Were you?” 

“Yeah, I wanted a chance to talk things out with you and uhh… i'm sorry if me asking you to come out to the game was too much or if it made you uncomfortable I didn’t-“

“Chenle.” Your voice cuts his rant short. You internally marvel at the fact that you aren’t the one caught in a nervous ramble for once. “It didn’t make me uncomfortable. I’m here.” 

“You’re here?” Someone clicks in his mind as he frantically looks around him in an effort to find you. When he does, his eyes turn soft and a smile takes over his face. “You came.” 

You nod at him, feeling a bit overwhelmed when you finally make eye contact with him. There are people between you too, Chenle begins to close it as he walks forward. “I did. I just wanted to tell you that I missed you.” 

“I missed you more, I swear on it.” He replies.

Your eyes burn, you wipe them and lighten the mood. “And that Curry would be sad to see you so out of it at a game.” You click your teeth jokingly. “What do you think he would say if he saw you like that cause of a girl?” 

He laughs, “I think he would understand, after I tell him how amazing you are.” 

You blush. “I also wanted to tell you that your jersey smells like you, and I like it.” This makes him beam, speeding up his footsteps that carry him to you. 

“Is that it?” He asks, jokingly. 

“And that I love you, Zhong Chenle. Not the Zhong Chenle that I had a crush on for 3 years and not Number 22 but you. The rawest versions of you. I love all of it and that i forgive you for everything.” He slows his pace in shock, his chest heaving. 

“You mean that?” His voice is wavering and you can see the flush on his cheeks from how close he has gotten. Suddenly, he is taking big steps until he is directly in front of you. He puts his phone down and his pretty eyes look directly into your own. 

Chenle’s face is hopeful, happy and lovestruck. He whispers: “You love me?”

You can only nod, overwhelmed. Chenle smiles wide, you can almost see his molars and his eyes disappear. “Say it.” He says, in a wondrous tone. 

“I love you, Zhong Chenle.” 

“Oh my god, yes!” 

And he’s kissing you, arms wrapping around you and pressing your body against his, his finger grip at the jersey on your body and he moves his lips against yours. Every memory that you have ever shared, every kiss, every touch, and every laughing fit come to your mind. It’s all you can think about as you think about this boy. You don’t think about the bad part, because that doesn’t matter anymore now that Chenle is yours and you are never letting go.

-

4 months later; Graduation 

“Chenle! Come on!” Jisung yells as he sees the boys floppy newly dyed orange hair amongst the crowd of people. 

You were all posed for a picture, blue cap and gowns adorning your bodies and your parents huddle you together for a picture. “I’m coming!”

Your boyfriend appears from the crowd with his cap in his hand along with a giant bouquet of flowers. He walks directly to you, extending it with a smile. “For you.” 

Your friends start squealing, playful hitting you and Chenle and your parents smirk at each other at the portrayal of young love before them. You cover your face with your hands to hide your blush. Chenle laughs and hugs you to his side. 

“Y/N! Chenle! Pose for the picture!” 

The two of you run to where your other friends are posing, haphazardly getting into the frame and posing crazily. 

The air is full of laughter and youth as the sun begins to set on your time in high school. For a moment, you’re too busy basking in the presence of the relationships you have developed while in there that you forget you won’t be seeing these people every day like you had been for so many years. Or that your lives might take completely different courses and things won’t be the same after this. Instead you allow yourself to enjoy this moment. 

🏀

You do think about it when you are on your way home though, in the passenger’s seat of Chenle’s car. His hand holds yours over the gear and he smiles to himself while humming along to the songs on the radio, unaware of the internal conflict going on in your head. 

It wasn’t until he parks outside your house that he realizes that something is wrong. 

“What is going to happen to us now?” Is your reply to his questioning. Chenle’s eyebrows furrow.

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean-“ you collect your thoughts, “high school is over, and we’re going to go to college and we will be so busy and what if-“ 

“Whatever you think will happen, won’t happen.” 

You look at him, offended that he could dismiss your worries so easily. “You don’t un-“ 

“I do understand. You’re worried that now that we won’t see each other every day that we’re going to drift apart, right? And that we won’t be together, am I right?” 

You nod silently. 

“Y/N, how many times am I going to tell you that I’m crazy in love with you? I won’t let you slip out of my hands, baby. Not again.” Chenle says firmly, sincerely. His eyes widen so you can see right through him and know he is telling the truth. 

His pale hands come up to cup the sides of your face, making you face him. Your tear filled eyes meet his own. He brushes away your tear that rolls down your cheek. “I’m sorry, I was just overthinking.” You say.

“Don’t be sorry.” Chenle shakes his head, leaning forward to kiss your cheek lovingly, letting it linger for a few seconds before pulling back. Smiling upon seeing your smiling face. 

It happens in a flash, now that the moment was right. Chenle gasps, starling you. “What?! What’s wrong?!”

“I love this song!” And he’s turning it up all the way on the car radio, rolling down the windows and stepping out. “Come on, Y/N!” 

You don’t let him see the pure happiness on your face that you wanted to mask with annoyance. Chenle dances on the sidewalk crazily and you laugh in the passenger’s seat. You decide it was best to not let your boyfriend embarrass himself alone, wiping the excess of your tears and step out of the car. “M’lady has arrived to the dance party!” He exclaims. 

And as you start dancing wildly together, the sun begins to set causing a golden hue to fall over your features. Anyone watching the scene could either think that you’re crazy or they will see what is really there: split aparts that have finally found one another. 

Chenle thinks so too, he stops dancing for a bit to catch his breath and just watches you. He remembers the pain it took to make you his, how much you both cried and the beginning of the relationship was far from ideal. But there is no doubt in his mind that there are not enough glow in the dark ceiling stars in this world that will amount to the love he harbors for you in his chest. He was so happy that he had met his split apart, he couldn’t thank the universe enough. 

This when he reaches forward and spins you around to face him. His chest against your own, you feel the rumble of his words from his chest when he says: “I’m so glad I found you.” And then he is kissing you, and the ground seems to melt away from your feet. You’re floating hundreds of feet in air and forget to take a view of your neighborhood from up here because Chenle is all you can think about. Because he makes you feel this way. You whisper in between kisses, he smiles knowingly, he feels it too. 

“We. 

Are.

Off.

Our.

Feet.”

[aveys6]

little wip

how richie's health changes in relation to his relationship w eddie

* the dialogue is rough bc i intend on actually putting it into structured sentences in ao3, bare w me

age 13 - 1989

"sorry guys, cant hang today. i have a hot appointment scheduled with dr noelle" he lifted his eyebrows and shit to insuate prostitution

"so, what, you have a physical?" stan said unimpressed

"that's the techinical term, stanny, but we all know better. i cant wait to have her hot bod all over me on the examination table-"

a chorus of dismissal waves around him, and eddie elbows his upper arm. stan even mutters something about 'examination' being quite a big word for richie to use.

"i bet theyre gonna test you for HIV. or maybe you'll get diagnosed with lung cancer from all of those cigarettes you've been smoking. *insert fact about smoking here that was probably exaggerated*"

"oh yeah? and where'd you hear that? your mommy?" richie challenged, ignoring eddies mention of the 'queer disease'

"ill have you know, dipwad, that my mom is highly educated in the field of medicine. cigarettes are insanely addictive-"

rich cuts him off and mocks with a nasally voice

"according to my calculations, cigarettes have roughly 236 chemicals in them-"

"thats basically true!"

"you guys are infuriating, but im pretty sure eddie's right on this one"

"thank you stan!"

"my mom says its fine because im young"

"im pretty sure she said that in reference to your junk food intake which you should also cut back on-"

"anyway," rich cuts in "im 100% sure everything will go completely fine. my doctor will be swayed by my irresistible charm to which she will then add a couple inches to my heigh chart so i can officially be 5'4 and make fun of you all"

eddie was determined not to smile, his quivering lips miraculously staying straight and expressionless "thats not how it works and you know it"

"not with that attitude!" noogie on eds

"fuckin quit it!"

-

his heel was practically slapping the waiting room floor, eyes flittering over childish paintings of sea creatures on the walls.

eddies irrational-but-not-quite-irrational rants finally processed in his mind.

richie never liked worrying his friend. he knew the boy's mom was a nutjob and said as such often (as well as vocalized his extreme desire to 'love her up'). he knew eddie was basically brainwashed.

it was scary, having someone worry about you. it means they cared. richie never truly comprehended why they cared. why eddie specifically cared. but it also felt good to have someone worry about him, outside of his mother, who, speaking of, gently placed a hand on his knee to stop its incessant movement.

richie wasnt the prime of schoolgirl crushes. he looked a little buggish: big eyes, thin limbs- clumsy and annoying. he wondered why eddie of all people gave him the time of day, and sometimes even more than that.

"richie toe-zee-air?"

the pair stood up despite mispronunciation.

-

richie was more than delighted to announce that his appointment was flawlessly average. everyone knows the deal: lie about how many fruits and veggies you consume, exaggerate how early you go to bed, deflect when the doctor asks if you've experienced any romantic or sexual attraction, count the inches of a growth spurt- no biggie.

"im sorry for, like, berating you earlier. i dont like doctors."

"i would hardly call what you did berating eds. it was your normal amount of neuroticism. dont sweat it"

there was a pause

eddie breaks the silence "i just worry sometimes"

ah, so it was confirmed.

"i know you do, eds."

-

"how do you know the word neuroticism?"

"heard my dad say it."

--------

age 25 - 2001

richie was back to tapping his foot on the linoleum of a waiting room. this time, alone, with no one to calm his fire-y energy. its not like he wanted the tapping to stop anyway. the repetitive motion helped ease the anticipation of getting scolded for letting himself go. this time not by a boy he couldnt catch the name of, but by a licensed professional.

he reasoned that he would rather hear it from the boy. what the hell was that shit bag's name?

this was the first appointment he had attended and organized since his pediatrician refused another after his 22nd birthday. she was already stretching the age limit of which he could visit (said extension curtesy of his dad being friends with medicinal people).

he figured it was time to move on with his life once snotty kids started giving him weird looks for fidgeting with the baby toys displayed near check-in. what says being an adult more than scheduling your own health appointments? richie answers that question by saying 'having to pay for them'.

richie's silent complaints are interrupted by a soft knock. a very typical, white-haired, doctor you'd see in movie, type of dude sauntered in.

"mr tozier, im dr sigman, how're we doin'?" he said, pumping obscene amounts of hand sanitizer.

richie replied automatically, "i'm doing pretty well, doc', how are you?"

as one can tell by the excruciatingly boring small talk, richie seemed to have lost his most palatable edge: quirky socialization.

"eh, my condition is not what's important here. how about you sit up on this here table and we can listen to your heart and lungs."

richie followed the instruction, heart rate increasing accordingly. the paper on the bench-table-thing crinkled far too loudly to be acceptable. maybe he was hungover. it would explain the heightened senses.

"so, according to your medical records, tozier, you haven't had an annual physical since- uh..." the man scanned his clipboard, "1998, correct?"

"that is correct, sir" his ears were aflame.

"mkay. you eat healthy?"

okay, then, they were getting right into it

"as healthy as i can, sir" what kind of fuckin answer was that?

dr sigman grimaced a bit, clearly knowing richies response meant his patient ate an apple every month or so to throw his body for a loop or, rather, 'reset' the ol' immune system. a shallow try at 'taking back your life' like some tabloid bullshit.

"you have a stable sleep schedule?"

richie shrugged with an "i guess" that conveyed that his average hours of sleep per night were as dreadful as his attempt at a balanced food pyramid plate.

"smoke or drink?"

now thats the million dollar question

[asthmark]

❝ lucky ❞, z.c

pairing → chenle, reader

genre → fluff, angst? a lil??

word count → 3.1k (woah!!)

summary → "you just deserve… so much more than that. do you realize how true that must be for a boy you just met today to see it?"

a/n → this is 1000% inspired by this pic that dropped yesterday like.....chenle looked so good it reminded me why i bias him!!!! anyway i kind of like this it has rich chenle and daddy issues thats all xoxo (also i did not proofread like at all so if theres any typos it was taeil's fault lol)

everyone in the room is utterly unbearable.

you understand it's rude to think so but you're sure that if you were to tell any of them this they would instantly agree with you. of course, you would never do that. because you're a ceo's daughter; you're not allowed to have an opinion that would make you look imprudent, rude or anything less of perfect.

so what do you do? you smile. you make small talk. you try your best to ignore your sore feet that are confined in your pumps and the way your dress rides up your butt. your lack of manners could not and would not be the reason your father missed out on any chance to make some more money. he made that very clear to you. after all, the only reason he dragged you along to all these house parties was so you could make make a stellar impression. he wanted all the businessmen in the room to remember mr. l/n and his charming young daughter when they got in their limousines and drove back home so that they'd remember when they discussed mergers and new projects.

you were never comfortable with the idea of your father essentially using you as some sort of accessory but you sometimes went days on end without seeing him so you took what time you could get. of course, helping him build his empire and boost his reputation wasn't your preferred daddy-daughter activity but you would never tell him that. it would just cause problems in your already rocky relationship and you certainly didn't need that.

"y/n." speak of the devil. "why don't you make conversation with the other guests? or better yet, come talk to these investors. i'm sure they'd love to meet you."

you know exactly what your father means by that so you try to find a reason to decline. anything would be better than watching him suck up to anyone with deep pockets and try to get you to do the same. "um." you repress a relieved sigh when you catch sight of yuna entering and handing her coat to a housekeeper. "actually i see my friend over there. i think i'll just go talk to her."

he frowns and you realize his face seems to be permanently stuck like that when he was around you. you can't remember the last time you'd seen an authentic smile from him. you suppose that was reserved for when he was trying to seal a deal.

"just behave yourself," he says. he leans into your ear. "remember, people are watching."

then he's gone, leaving you standing alone for a split second before yuna comes and takes his place.

"hey!" she draws out the word for dramatic effect.

"hi," you respond, your greeting lacking the enthusiasm hers held. she wasn't your favorite person but it was nice to talk to someone who wasn't observing your every move. it gave you a break from the ridiculous standards everyone else seemed to hold you to.

she brushes her bangs out of her eyes as she sized you up. "ooh, i love your heels! how much?"

"like 15 bucks." her jaw drops and you can't help but giggle. "yeah, i bought them at a thrift store. just don't tell my dad."

she grins. "wow, i always thought thrifting was for poor people but i just might have to check it out now."

that was the thing about yuna. she was stupid rich and she wouldn't have it any other way. she loved designer brands and houses so big you could get lost in them. you didn't blame her for any of that but it was the fact that she didn't mind the stuffy dinner parties and being shown off that was a little puzzling to you. unlike you, she had perfected her fake laugh and polite small talk long ago and sometimes you wondered if she really did care about all these companies and powerful men. but you know that as long as she gets to wear her thousand dollar dresses and go home to her cozy mansion, she'll be happy. she did what it took to keep her lavish lifestyle and was a little too materialistic for your liking and you guess that's where you and her are different.

you finally answer her. "yeah, definitely. it's a lot of fun."

her eyes light up. "we should go together one of these days!"

your silence is definitely too long but thankfully, yuna doesn't notice. her short attention span had caused her to focus on something else—more specifically, someone.

"oh my god," she says. "who is that?"

a boy who looks around your age has appeared, accompanied by a middle-aged man in a suit. the older man is more put together by far but you still can't help but stare at who you assume to be his son. he's wearing a black jacket on top of a striped shirt and you notice that chains hang from his neck. a belt holds up a pair of dark and tight pants. and, god, is he wearing converse?

you can't help but crack a smile at that. you envy his comfortable look; you would trade all the chanel and prada in the world just to wear a t-shirt and pair of sneakers and not have everyone in the room judge you for it. but his outfit isn't the only thing you admire. he must have crazy amounts of confidence to show up looking like he does when being surrounded by so many managers, executives, and company heads. you can only imagine what they're thinking and yet, the boy didn't seem to care or look uncomfortable in the slightest. in fact, he seems oddly at ease, his eyes scanning the room. at one point his eyes sweep over you and you lock eyes.

you watch as he brushes his bangs out of his face, almost like he's trying to get a better look at you. you only stare back, shifting your weight from one leg to the other. he offers you a half smile, his eyes squinting slightly and cheeks growing. you can't help but smile back, noticing just how the stranger's had an adorable baby face.

he looks away when he notices his father gravitating towards a group of businessmen and follows him. you almost wonder if he was in the same position as you were, if he was nothing but a poster child who was shown off at every event and party there was. then you notice how his father holds him tightly and smiles widely—genuinely—when he introduces him to others.

your father never did that. he wouldn't let you wear clothes like that either. you could only assume that this boy and his father were different from the rest of you. maybe they sat down and had dinner together everyday? talked to each other about their day? you almost throw the idea out of your head completely because it seems just too foreign to you.

"oh my god," yuna says. that seemed to be her favorite phrase. "i've never seen them before. what do you think they're doing here?"

you shrug. "maybe they're new to town?"

she hums. you both stay silent, observing the pair before yuna seems to grow impatient. "well i'm gonna go meet them. i can't handle being out of the loop. wanna come?"

you say agree. you feel obligated to. for the first time in forever you're actually interested in something at one of these dull parties, you're not going to stand around and just watch.

you approach the newcomers, both your fathers and a couple other businessmen conversing with them. you wonder if they've already asked them how much they're worth or if they had the decency to wait a minute before sticking their noses in their business. but, you knew how people like them operated; decency was way too much to ask.

"hi daddy!" yuna enters the conversation swiftly.

"hi, sweetheart," her father responds, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "this is my precious daughter, mr. zhong." he turns to yuna. "he and his son are visiting us all the way from our china branch. yuna, introduce yourself."

she doesn't need to be told twice. "hello, i'm yuna. i'm 17 years old and i'm studying at daewon preparatory. we're glad to have you here.it's a pleasure to meet you both."

mr. zhong smiles fondly at her. "the pleasure is all mine, young lady. what a beautiful daughter you have, mr. shin. she seems very capable."

yuna's father pulls her close to him, smiling at mr. zhong then her. "she sure is." you catch the subtle wink he throws her way, a silent 'good job' for that cute little introduction she did which was sure to score them some popularity points with the zhongs.

your father pulls you close to him and wraps an arm around your figure. both mr. zhong and mr. shin seem to be quite the fans of physical contact and although your father was not, you know that if that's what it took to make a good impression, he would become one, at least for the night.

"this is my daughter, mr. zhong." he turns to you and you take it as a cue to say something.

"hello, mr. zhong. i'm y/n." your introduction ends there and you feel your dad's grip on your arm tighten, indicating how unsatisfied he was with your brief answer.

you catch mr. zhong's son smile for the second time that night. although there is no mysterious eye contact this time, just a cute boy probably making fun of your lame introduction.

"well, how old are you, y/n?" mr. zhong asks, making conversation for you.

"i'm eighteen."

"oh, so is my son! isn't that right, chenle?"

his son—chenle—nods.

"well, i think we should leave the children to become acquainted. what do you think, gentlemen?"

everyone seems to agree. then, all that's left is the three of you.

to your surprise, chenle speaks first and it's a reintroduction. "i'm chenle."

you copy him. "i'm y/n."

"and i'm yuna. so, you're from china right?" she doesn't give him a chance to respond. "i read that there are over four million millionaires there. are you one of them?"

he furrows his brows and you can't help but sigh at yuna's question. she was fixed on the money aspect of things, as usual.

"i guess," he says, giving it little thought.

she practically squeals. "you're probably one of the youngest in the country! have you ever thought about that?"

"not really. i don't really like to think about money or these companies or big shot business dudes or any of that," he says, bluntly. "i mean, it would just make me feel more privileged than i already am. besides, it's all just a big headache. i'll leave it for the old man."

yuna's face falls and you hold in a laugh.

you finally chime in. "you know what, i have to agree. so much money can drive a person crazy. sometimes it even goes straight to their heads."

chenle can't hold back his amused snort. both him and yuna know exactly who you're referring to.

she wastes no time defending herself.  "but, with reason y/n. to be fair, only 1% of millionaires are under 35 and here i am at 16."

you restrain yourself from scoffing. "well i'm sure the other 99% of the population doesn't get things handed to them on a silver platter by their daddy, yuna."

she stares you down, her huge, hazel eyes never leaving your e/c ones. "i think it'd be best if i excused myself. i'm going to go find my father, if you both don't mind."

"not at all," chenle mumbles as you both watch her stomp away.

you exhale loudly. "i knew i was gonna snap one of these days."

"well, if you didn't i would have," chenle responds.

"frankly, i don't regret a thing," you say, turning back to his smiling face.

"mm, and what if she tells daddy?" he inquires, folding his arms.

you playfully raise a brow. "i'll have you know, i'm one of the 1% of millionaires that are under 35, i think i have the advantage."  

he giggles. "oh god, that was unbelievable. where did she even get those numbers from?"

"i have no idea but it was just… painful to watch. i'm gonna need a breath of fresh air after that."

he nods in agreement and you both walk towards the nearby balcony.  you step outside, the breeze whipping your hair all over the place and leaving goosebumps on your skin.

"you know," he begins before silence can settle upon you two for too long. "i was really hoping there would be someone around my age here tonight. and i don't know if you usually come to these things or if you don't but either way, i am so glad you're here."

this comment reminds you of the way he had stared you down upon arriving and it makes your face feel a little warm despite the cool air of the night. "'cause i'm the only thing standing between you and a wonderful night with yuna."  

"oh i'm sure it would've been real wonderful." he gives you a 'yeah right' look. "we couldn't even hang around each other for more than five minutes, i'm positive it would've been a long night."

you nod. "every night with her is. usually she's the only person i end up talking to at these things and let me just say, i think she's more money-hungry than all the men in there combined."

chenle whistles, lowly. "combined? that's dangerous."

"yeah, she takes after daddy," you mutter, picking at your nail polish that has begun to peel.

"what a relief you don't," he says. "or else i think i would have thrown myself off this balcony by now."

"well, you don't have to worry about that. you and i are on the same boat. money doesn't interest me all that much. definitely not to that extent."

"what does interest you?" chenle asks, turning his attention to you instead of the city lights in the distance.

you shrug. "i haven't figured it out yet. i'm too busy trying to be perfect. and i have a long way to go. just ask my dad, he seems to have really strong opinions on the matter."

"oh, i get it," he says. "you're so focused on being the perfect daughter that you haven't figured out what's going on in there." he wiggles his finger around your forehead.

"i just… want to make him happy. i want to see him smile because of me. even if 'me' is that daughter he expects me to be. i'm okay with being her. i'll take it."

chenle furrows his eyebrows and suddenly he doesn't seem to get it anymore. "you really... become an entirely different person? just for him? i mean, you seem like a good daughter. i don't understand that, y/n."

"and you won't understand, chenle," you respond. "because your dad loves you. he lets you wear your edgy clothes to business parties and doesn't worry about what everyone else is gonna think. he doesn't worry about first impressions, he doesn't force you to become someone else for strangers. he doesn't put any business deal above you. he doesn't chose his job over you, chenle and that's great. i'm so happy that's not the case with you. but it is for me. and when you know that the only time your dad is going to want anything to do with you is when you can help him make a quick buck or good impression, you resort to facades and doing anything you can to make him appreciate you. just a little."

chenle's arms envelop your shivering figure before you can say another word. his hands run up and down your arms and his chin rests atop your head. he inhales deeply, taking in your wonderful scent. he knows it's probably some off the wall expensive perfume.

"i'm so sorry, y/n," he mumbles into your coconut scented locks. "i'm sorry that you have to do that and that i won't ever be able to understand it. you just deserve… so much more than that. do you realize how true that must be for a boy you just met today to see it? and it breaks my heart that your own father doesn't because you really shouldn't have to suffer through that. he doesn't have his priorities straight but that shouldn't be an excuse for him to neglect his own daughter." he detaches from you so he can look directly into your glossy eyes, holding you at an arm's length away.  "and he has no idea what he's missing out on, y/n. you're so headstrong, so humble and so much more than just a pretty face or someone's daughter. and if he can't treat you like the incredible individual you are then...." he exhales and you catch his breath blow in the air. "then please let me."

your bottom lip is quivering. you had never heard such nice words. and you don't have the slightest idea what he means by that last bit but you still nod and jump right back into his arms. because you have decided that's where you feel safest. where you can be yourself, freely and unapologetically.

"the second i walked in this place, i hated it," he mumbles and a laugh escapes your lips. "but then i saw you. and it got a little better. then i met you. and it got a lot better. we just met but i already can't seem to get enough of you, y/n." he chuckles as if he can't believe it himself. "you must be something really special. and i have the privilege of seeing that."

you move away from his chest and look up at him. your hands thread through his tufts of hair that match the darkness of the night sky. his hands stay planted firmly at his waist. you feel like he has no intention of letting go. you would be lying if you said you did either. and neither of you seem to have a problem with it.

"i can't wait for you to finally feel what it's like to be treated how you deserve. and i can't wait to be the guy to show you. i am so, so lucky."

you smile, your teeth on display. "i'm actually so glad i came tonight. that is definitely a first."

he laughs. "speaking of firsts..." he trails off, shyly.

you raise a brow, just to tease him a bit. "what are you getting at, mr. zhong?"

he knows you're joking yet his heart pounds as he leans in and asks for permission to kiss you. "may i, ms. l/n?"

"you may," you respond, meeting him halfway.