#i guess my fear was it just being really corny lmao

[iironwreath]

Clean [Redback]

Redback was seventeen when pirates attacked the Neverending Wave. ‘Attacked’ wasn’t totally right; out on the open sea, one’s sight was only limited by the weather. On a cloudless day when the waves were tame, one could see all the way to the uninterrupted horizon. It was nearly impossible to sneak up on another ship without the use of magic.

The pirates made their first stretch at night. By morning, when they first spotted the ship’s dark silhouette against the water, they were too close. Through a spyglass, black flags marked with a hooked fang dipped in blood snapped in the wind. They were with the Blood Fang fleet. The Neverending Wave picked up their pace, course be damned.

They should have been able to outpace them. Cannons, in their infancy, were heavy, and the Neverending Wave didn’t have any. But by some preternatural force, the pirates caught up the following evening. It was an emotional trial as much as a physical one, watching them prowl closer as the sun wheeled across the sky—knowing a predator was on the hunt and only being able to stare and watch. 

As soon as those cannons were within firing range, they hoisted a white flag and slowed. The pirates cut over the inky waters and boarded them with criminal efficiency.  

Most of the crew and a handful of the pirates faced one another on the deck. Her dad half-pushed her behind him, tucking her into the meat of his side. She peered over his arm, the pirates illuminated in a mixture of crisp, fleeting moonlight and soft, muddy greys. It unsettled her how much they looked like regular people, just with far more weapons.

“We’re the Maelstrom, and I’m her Captain,” a brunette man announced. He was bearded and broad-shouldered. His jacket was clean and of a high quality, a midnight blue with silver trimmings. “Sister ship of the Blood Fang. Who is your Captain?”

Their half-elf captain stepped forward. “I’m Captain Wymar.”

“Ah. Pleasure.” He removed a hat and bowed in a facetious manner. “I’m Captain Isadore. We’re here for one thing. One person, actually. You give her to us, we’ll leave without a fuss. You got an Ada Avilla?” His lip curled. “She still go by Ada? Girl’s got a lot of guts but not a lot of brains if she is.”

Whispers broke over the Neverending Wave’s crew. Red searched the crowd for their resident genasi—Ada’s jaw was set, her eyes flint and steel, her gloves pulled taut over clenched fists. 

Wymar glanced between her and the pirates. Isadore followed his gaze with a slow, feline smile. 

“Ah, there she is.”

“I’m not in the habit of giving up crewmates to pirates,” Wymar said cautiously. “What do you want with her?”

“Caused us a load of damage and money. We’ve come to claim redress. You sure you want someone like that with you? She’s trouble, Captain.”

Ada marched her way forward, stopping beside Wymar. “Why here? Why not ambush me on land, then? If you really wanted me and just me, you’d’ve done it there. You’re showboating.”

“More fun like this, innit? Everyone can learn who you really are.” He addressed the Neverending Wave’s crew: “Ever wonder how miss Ada got her guns? She served with us—destroyed ours but couldn’t help keepin’ some for herself. Nobody really stops being a member of the Blood Fang’s fleet. Her actions were always gunna catch up to her, and she selfishly chose to drag down you lot with her.”

“I wasn’t there by choice!” Ada shouted, and beneath the anger, Red detected a sliver of fear—not of the pirates, but something else. Then, simmering, “I don’t regret what I did to leave.”

“Figured you wouldn’t, disrespectful bilge rat. Will you regret getting these fine folks killed? I do mean it when I say you come quietly, we leave everyone else alone.”

“You’re a liar,” she sneered. “You’d take me then kill them all anyway, just to make me watch.”

“Presumptuous.”

“But accurate.”

The crew looked at each other in alarm, a bunch of them shifting, creating ripples of distress. Nobody wanted Ada to give herself up, but nobody wanted a bloodbath, either. Ada discussed their lives so casually. The thought of them forcibly taking Ada or giving herself up made Red want to sob, but there were also cannons pointed at them. She didn’t want to die.

“Coming here was a mistake.” Ada raised her hands. “But fine. On the off chance I’m wrong, I’ll go with you.”

“Ada—” Wymar pleaded.

Isadore’s eyes gleamed with malice. “Good. We’ll be taking those guns, love.”

The pirates shuffled towards Ada. She took a single step to meet them, then ducked through them and charged. Chaos erupted with Ada as the epicenter—the sharp crack of her pistol, then a few more in succession. The hiss of blades leaving their sheathes sang out, feet hammered the deck, and fists started flying. Red’s dad staggered backwards, knocking her in the face and sending her sprawling.

A pirate descended on him, but Rugarth intervened, smashing his staff into ribs. She lost sight of her dad and uncle in the bedlam, retreating on her elbows and feet like a crab. An elven lady stalked towards her with a rapier, scenting easy prey, and Red startled, scuttling faster.

A blade speared up through the woman’s ribs, glistening with a deep, pomegranate red. The woman’s breath wheezed out of her, then ceased; a clean kill. Ada snapped the sword from her back and kicked the corpse aside, then fired her pistol over Red’s head with a zip of the bullet. Hair had escaped Ada’s braid and plastered her face and wind snatched at the fringes of her coat, giving her a wild, untamed look.

“Red,” she panted. She twisted to jab her sword at another assailant, disarming him by staking the blade through his hand. He fell to his knees screaming; she spun and hauled Red to her feet by the arm before Red could even blink. “Keth!”

Her dad reappeared wielding a woodcutter’s axe, looking harried with a bloodstain on his shirt. Red couldn’t tell if it was his or someone else’s. He grabbed Red by one on her biceps.

The worst happened, then: the Maelstrom’s cannons unloaded, punching the Neverending Wave’s side like a set of spiked brass knuckles. The boat rocked violently, and if her dad hadn’t been holding her, Red would have toppled to the deck again.

The blast had a disarming effect, all for Ada, who rallied. “We need people patching those holes and bailing any water! Anyone with mending get on it! Rugarth, Albert, Annie—with me!” 

Keth made a break for the stairs leading below deck, lifting Red’s heels off the ground. He barrelled over another pirate on the way with a wide, unforgiving sweep of his elbow.

They plummeted into darkness and landed with a shudder. More crew jumped in or sped down the stairs after them, aiming themselves at the punctures in the hull. The lanterns rocked wildly, throwing chaotic swinging light on the task. Most holes were above the sea, only weeping in water whenever they dipped. Her dad set her gingerly on her feet, checking over her face and her arms, concern in every line framing his mouth and eyes. He thumbed at a trickle of blood escaping her nose.

“Who did this?” he asked.

“You did.”

“Sorry, honey.”

When he couldn’t find anything else, he belted his axe and joined those hammering at the damage, situating her at the far side of the room but away from the walls. Nowhere was totally safe, but it was probably even more dangerous than the surface, depending where the pirates aimed next. Red realized that holes from cannons were new. Up until then, having their ship damaged by magic or dangerous sea monsters was all there was. But holes were holes, regardless of what wrought them.

“Dad,” she gasped. “Rugarth is still—”

“I know. He’s tough, sweetie. They stand a better chance if he’s out there.”

“And us!” Red squared up even though she shook like she’d been left out in the snow overnight. “I want to help.”

“No,” he said firmly, the most forceful he’d ever been. “You’re staying down here. If they make it in, we’ll hide. Rugarth taught you how to fight, right?” He pressed a knife into her hands. “I’ll protect you if we're found. Okay?”

Red chewed her lip. Even if she argued, he had the strength to end any of her ideas prematurely. He gave a nod when she didn’t answer, then ushered her back into her corner. 

Boots stampeded above them like the drum of a storm. There were cries; of the triumphant, of those gathering courage, of the wounded, of the dying. She covered her ears and squeezed her eyes, trying to block out the sound. Time distended uncomfortably. Every passing second felt like an hour, skinning her nerves raw.

Beyond the hull, she heard a crack and an explosion. Cheers and cries of fury and anguish followed it, then reinvigorated fighting. The boat rocked under her feet a breath later. Her dad came over to squeeze her. Damp wood and the coppery scent of blood infused her head, all tinged with salt. She was light-headed and trapped, out of place.

The roar of combat died down. The latch in the center of the room rattled, then opened, spilling fresh light into the cabin—not just moonlight, but the dim, orange glow of fire flickered in from an angle. Her dad tensed. Red did as well, but a crewmate’s upper-half appeared. Her dad relaxed.

“It’s safe now, but it’s—” She glanced over her shoulder, forehead creasing. “You should all stay where you are, keep patching things up.”

Red ducked under her father’s arm and bolted for the opening before he could react. She scrambled up the ladder onto the main deck. The crewmate startled backwards, falling on her tail.

The tang of blood tripled on deck, so thick it clotted the back of her throat as well as her nose. Coal black billows of smoke blew in off the splintered, burning remains of the Maelstrom, rent in half and foundering. Combined, they nearly made her retch, but she raised her sleeve to her nose and took shallow breaths until the nausea passed.

Most of their crew and a handful of pirates littered the deck. Some half-sat up, catching their breath or staunching blood from wounds. Others flit about, helping. Some lay dead. Red skipped over them, hoping to avoid branding them on her mind, hoping to stop their names from springing to her mouth, searching for two people—

Rugarth was up and alive, charred and with a few places on his skin starting to colour with bruises. He and Albert supported Ada between them, limping. She looked as though she barely clung to consciousness, strung-up. Her right shoulder was torn open from deltoid to neck, missing a chunk of her jacket as well as skin. A similar injury burst open her leg on the same side, her pants shred apart around the calf. Beside the two most gaping injuries, she had a few lacerations, though none looked too deep. Her sword and pistol laid in a heap at her feet. 

Anodyne hurried towards them, hands outstretched. Red followed.

Rugarth’s face went from pinched with worry to relief at the sight of her. “Sweet pea,” he said. “You should go back below.”

Red would’ve flung herself at him if not for Ada, who listlessly raised her head, her gaze blurry. It steadied on Red a moment, her lips twitching in a smile, then hung limp again. Somehow, through it all, her lipstick remained intact. Red had always wondered if the shade was meant to resemble blood, but with all the real blood everywhere realized it was meant to be cherry or strawberry, something sweeter.

Anodyne relieved the boys of Ada and laid her on her back. Spells lit up her fingertips and bandages and cloth came out of her bag; Albert crouched to help. 

“What happened?” Red demanded.

“Ada blew up their ship,” Rugarth said.

“How?” Red asked.

“Gunpowder,” Albert said. “And rum.”

“You helped,” Ada croaked to Albert and Rugarth from the ground.

“Will there be more?”

“Hopefully that should serve as a lesson to them,” Rugarth said. “Pirates are persistent but they’re not suicidal, I think, not unless they’re desperate, and the Blood Fang fleet isn’t that. I don’t think they’re so keen on revenge they’ll risk another ship for one person, y’know? But only Ada can say for sure.”

Red’s gaze flicked to Ada. Annie had removed her jacket once she’d stopped the bleeding with magic and cleaned her wounds. Ada’s eyes had closed, head tilted to the side, her long hair forming messy, pendulous arcs around her head. If she heard them, she didn’t answer.

Keeping her past out of sight made sense when it involved pirates. Red wondered what else she had been keeping from them. 

“Did she ever tell you?” Red whispered to her uncle.

Rugarth shook his head. Albert looked up from Ada and nodded once. Red, her dad, and uncle had joined the Neverending Wave after Ada, but apparently Ada and Albert had joined together. They were rarely seen apart. Anger and hurt sparred in her gullet; she wanted to be let in. She wanted to be treated like one of the adults and allowed to fight. She wanted—

Her dad’s heavy steps jogged up behind her, his hands wrapping around Red’s shoulders. She barely registered them, her mind drifting into foggy waters. “Varonda, back inside,” he whispered. “It’s not…you shouldn’t see this.” 

She nodded mutely, allowing him to wrap his arm around her and steer her back. His bulk hid most of the massacre from view, but through a narrow window out of the corner of her eye, she saw the crew tossing bodies into the sea.

[oekaki-chan]

hey c! can i ask how do we get over the feeling of embarassment when drawing self-indulgent shippy fanart? i've seen most of your amazing art and i've noticed that you don't seem to hold back when drawing fanarts, it's really beautiful with the way you portray characters' intimate relationships.. be it thru manga, illustrations, sketches. I have quite a lot of ideas on my mind that I want to draw similar to what you've drawn in terms of shipping characters, but I can't help but feel embarassed most of the time when I attempt to draw, thinking that it's "cringe" or I should draw something else with more deeper meaning into it, not just shippy stuff.. so I get very hesitant posting said art online or even starting the sketch (i haven't drawn 95% of my written ideas for nearly a year ;_; pain lol) since a few of my friends might see and question it lmao but deep down i really want to draw them ofc! i'm just very scared with what others think, but I do want to show myself more through my art and what I really like to draw.. Have you had a similar feeling of embarassment too c? I'm sorry if this got too long, I don't rly have any artist friends to talk to this about :')) I'm just so amazed at how you're able to fight the fear and just draw what you want in the end ^-^ I hope I can be like that too with myself and art, there are rare times where I just say f*ck it and post it anyway but 99% of the time is just me overthinking on whether it's cringe or not but I want to be cringe so bad so I can just be free and draw whatever the heck I want! ahh so many conflicting feelings ;_; i hope you get what I mean, thank you again for responding to my previous asks with the colors and numerous questions! I'm sorry for being so curious lol i just want to draw my favorite characters to kiss and cuddle so bad but im too scared to even draw them so intimately like that so i dont even draw majority of my ideas for fear of being judged :'D :') :(( hope u had a nice day c!

I might never show it but actually I relate to you so hard, it's not once or twice that I keep overthinking if my art is too self-indulgent and cringe, everytime I'm about to post my art I'm one click away to post it but I always have this nagging worry of people judging my art (even tho there's nothing wrong with it, for god's sake!!!) so I just spend another 30 minutes worrying about it until I close my eyes, flick my finger quickly, and close the tab.

And oh god in heaven put a curse on meme culture for this because there was this one instance when someone made a corny meme out of my art (that's not even a funny drawing) and dared to send it to me, I know it's only one person but it's enough to crush my confidence in drawing and posting shippy/emotional art.

Whenever I draw my favorite characters looking all seductive and cool I always worry people would think it's cringe, whenever I draw characters kissing I always worry people would think I'm weird, but then I remember about the other artists I like who post (their own) self-indulgent stuff and they make me joyous, I want people to feel the same way about my art when I post my own self-indulgent art too, so I guess that's what keeps me doing what I do today 😂

My 2023 resolution is just to stop giving a single damn about what people think of my art, if they think it's cringe then so be it, I can't control the mind of people, at least the cringe art gives me the happy brain chemicals and that's what truly matters 😊

[makeste]

some follow-up thoughts on BnHA 285

1. “at that moment...”

you guys. I still can’t get over this. just -- guys. this is Kacchan telling the story.

he’s not the first character to narrate, mind you. characters like Twice, Tomura, Ochako, and Kirishima have all narrated in the past. but it’s always been past-tense narration of their own flashbacks, or else present-tense narration explaining their thoughts (e.g. Twice in chapter 115). Kacchan himself has done present-tense POV narration before. but this isn’t that. this is past-tense narration of an event that’s happening now. this is the future Kacchan narrating the present day Kacchan’s story.

has any other character done that, aside from Deku himself?? am I just crazy overreacting here, lol. idk but either way it’s cool.

2. “...there were no thoughts in my head.”

there was a post yesterday talking about Kacchan’s big moment at the end of this chapter being a little disappointing because of it being an automatic “my body moved on its own” save on Kacchan’s part. the argument was basically that it made the moment less meaningful because of it being a subconscious thing rather than a conscious decision on Katsuki’s part.

but I disagree! for me the “my body moved on its own” is actually way more impactful. and rather than describing it as “subconscious”, I think the word that fits better in this case is instinct. first of all, even though he says there were no thoughts in his head, we know that’s not exactly true, as we can see for ourselves the images that were flashing through his mind. I’m just gonna list them out:

“I’ll even surpass All Might and become the best hero out there.”

“why was it me who put an end to All Might?”

“I made a pledge! I will achieve absolute victory, every time! we’re taking this 4-0, no casualties! the strong don’t settle for anything less!”

“I’m not gonna lose... I can’t afford to stay a loser!”

“you... you looked like you needed saving.”

thoughts about what it means to be a hero. what it used to mean to him, and what it means to him now. thoughts about rescuing others. about saving to win. thoughts about his failures. thoughts about him and Deku. and last but certainly not least, vivid memories of a moment when he needed someone to save him, and Deku was there.

he has these thoughts, but he’s not aware of himself having them. it happens too fast for him to be able to process. but all the same, his body isn’t just moving here of its own accord. it’s simply that in this instance, it’s not thought that’s driving him, but emotion. at the risk of sounding INCREDIBLY CORNY, it’s not his head that makes the decision, but his heart.

and that’s why it’s so meaningful to me. in this moment, it’s not conscious thought that’s driving him, but emotion, instinct, will. he sees the attack, sees that it will hit Deku, and he just reacts. something at the core of him screams that he can’t let it happen, and he just moves. and to me that’s even more powerful than him consciously doing the math and making the sacrifice play (though I’m not saying I wouldn’t have enjoyed that as well). specifically because it’s a moment where he doesn’t have a chance to think or analyze or panic or doubt. it’s a moment that shows us who he is when you strip all that away from him. he doesn’t have time to get in his own head; he doesn’t have time to feel any fear; he doesn’t have time to think about himself at all. he takes himself out of the equation. he sees that Deku needs saving. and the rest is pure instinct. it’s the most heroic he has ever been.

3. “even if One for All is a cursed power... at the same time, it’s...”

I was wondering what was up with this part, lol. Caleb’s translation makes it much clearer; to Katsuki, OFA is both a blessing and a curse right now. the “cursed” part is becoming more and more obvious with each new chapter. it’s putting Deku in danger; it’s made him a target; it’s destroying his body; and there are other, darker and more dangerous factors also at play that Katsuki doesn’t even know about but fears nonetheless. I honestly feel like he’s been anxious about all of this ever since he learned Deku and All Might’s secret. it’s been on the back of his mind for months now.

but at the same time, OFA is what brought him and Deku back together. sorry, am I getting cheesy again lol. BUT IT’S TRUE THOUGH. All Might’s quirk gave Deku the chance to compete with Katsuki on equal footing for the first time. it forced Katsuki to acknowledge him. and both he and Deku have grown so much on so many levels over the course of this past year, and all of it stems back to Deku receiving this quirk.

and just... fucking look at these flashbacks, though.

unless I’m reading this completely wrong, the gist of this scene is that Katsuki is grateful for OFA because it’s what lifted Deku up and allowed him to try and achieve his dream. the scenes of Katsuki bullying Deku and burning his notebook are contrasted with the scenes of Deku standing up to him and vowing that he won’t be his punching bag anymore. Deku before OFA, contrasted with Deku after. I get the sense that Katsuki feels a lot of gratitude for fate stepping in and working to undo his mistakes before he himself could finally get his act together and start atoning for them as well.

and then that last page is really interesting, because it’s like the “blessing” and “curse” parts of OFA all together in a single image. Deku is going all out against Tomura, giving everything he has, ready to sacrifice himself if that’s what it takes. there’s so much strength there (even though he looks completely insane lmao), but at the same time it’s literally killing him. mixed feelings, for sure.

4. “Katsuki Bakugou: Rising”

last but not least! so there’s quite a bit of discussion going on about what exactly a “rising” chapter actually consists of, lol. Momo is the only other character who’s had one before (at least if you don’t count the movies, and the movie spin-offs). so it’s hard to say for sure with such a small sample size, but if I had to guess, I’d say the “rising” chapters are about characters coming into their own as heroes. Momo’s chapter was all about her letting go of her insecurities and starting to believe in herself. and this chapter was all about Katsuki letting go of both his fear and his pride, and just getting the job done.

in the span of a single chapter, he lets go of every single thing that’s ever held him back. I felt like we really got a glimpse of the hero he can -- and hopefully will, if future!Kacchan the Narrator is anything to go by -- become. he was amazing. he took charge; he came up with a plan that absolutely would have worked if Tomura wasn’t LITERALLY FUCKING UNKILLABLE LULZ; and when that failed, he didn’t hesitate to make the sacrifice play. Bakugou fucking Katsuki, He of Zero Rescue Points, made the fucking sacrifice play. do you even know how much I love that you guys. I love it so, so much.

but of course, when you make the sacrifice play it tends to have the not-so-surprising side effect of getting you ALL FUCKED UP afterwards. so perhaps a less ideal outcome than he would have hoped. but he still did good. and he stopped Deku from getting murdered, and so now hopefully Deku and Shouto can mount some sort of aggrieved revenge counterattack to do their fallen friend justice. time for my other two sons to get to work! maybe Shouto can make Deku some new arms out of ice.

[k-atsukidayo]

Hi, idk if you come on to this blog anymore, but in case you do, I hope you see this. I think I started following you a couple of months before the pandemic through you Bakugou fics and at the time I thought they were some of the most beautifully written fics I’ve ever read. I remember having to literally take a break after reading your fics and needing to just sit with my emotions because I felt so…. Touched(?) I know this is definitely going to sound corny, but I think you have an amazing way with words and conveying so much emotions to your readers. I’ve read so many fics over the years (lol I sound old) but not many have caused me to feel so emotional (in a happy way)! I really hope you come or maybe I can ask for your personal blog if you have one, just so I can really personally say thank you for sharing your writing here. I know you went on hiatus for some time and idk if you’re back on hiatus, but I hope this message comes out as something positive rather than putting pressure on you to come back. I just wanted to let you know that I’m really grateful I ever came across any of your fics. Please don’t stop writing, even if you end up just doing it for fun, for yourself, privately, etc. Anyway, I’m sorry if this sounds like rambling. I noticed you haven’t been on here for a while, so I figured I’d let you know my appreciation for your writing before you really leave this blog 😅 you’re such a sweet person and you have an amazing talent for writing. Thank you for sharing it here. I secretly hope you’d come back, but your comfort is still much more important so don’t feel pressured to come back for my sake~ Again, thank you 💗

first of all, hi, you wonderful being ���� i haven’t been on this blog in a hot minute, even though i did say a few months ago i was somewhat back and that i’d hopefully be more active LMAO but, i digress. i see this! have seen it for a couple hours now, and i just adore this so much. 

my mind is in a scramble, so i’m terribly sorry if this turns out to be some kind of dramatic monologue. i think it’s best to use this as a chance to give you, and whoever else that may be curious, an update of myself and the current and future state of my blog. read more below!

originally, after the first time i came back from being inactive, i really wanted to post more writings. part of returning was the pressure of having such a dry blog and having developed a weird fear of simply being left behind, and the other part was missing the sweet, sweet opportunities to share with people that had the same interests as me and seeing their interactions, if any. truthfully, i still have a little grief dusted on my tongue, only because i said one thing, but didn’t quite follow through. i’m not sorry that i disappeared, twice now haha since i do strongly believe i needed it and do need it now. rather, i’m sorry i didn’t get to do what i wanted and planned and tried to push myself, in a positive way which i have to emphasize, to do for you and for my own benefit. 

i always wished i could pump out as many fics like my mutuals have. they are honestly amazing! i have endless admiration for them and i hope they are flourishing and enjoying life on here and outside. sadly, i am weak and tire out badly after i complete a single piece of writing 😋 that, and i definitely set myself up to being burnt out during the height of the pandemic. i genuinely wanted my mutuals and readers to like me. i know i write for myself. sometimes i can’t help feel i need others to make me believe i’m good and that i matter somewhere. definitely not very poggers of me, but it happens! i can only do so much aiming to please until i exhaust myself. quietly seeking validation can be hurtful, oddly enough. 

hence the hiatus, but also real-life endeavors! i had, and still have, so many drafts, yet i only managed to release 3 officially LOL which by the way, i guess i don’t mind too much? i’m realizing that, for me, it’s quality over quantity, more so now when i’m working to pull myself together as best as i can. my last fic on here continues to be the one i feel very proud of after being absent and struggling to finish after that absence. it’s the little things! 😬

anyway, to you, my dear nonnie, i haven’t given up on writing! i have hopes and dreams that are alive on my fingertips and somewhere in the corners of my brain. i still breathe stars. maybe, not as bright as before, but still bright enough. you’re so kind and thoughtful 😢 don’t worry. at this point in time, i’m working on stories here and there, albeit privately and super slowly, given my schedule and poor time management skills and all. thank you for your sweet words. thank you for even taking the time to write all this for me gfjhgjfkd!!! i always say thank you, and to be honest, i’m not sure if i can ever find the right things to say (other than my sincerest thank you) to adequately let you know you how much this warms my heart and makes me want to cry LMAO 💖

so, to fill in with what i’ve been up to—work and school plans! i don’t want to bore you with this part because it surely will drag, but it’s really all there is!! the free time that i do have usually doesn’t involve me sitting in front of my computer and writing sadly. i can only clasp my hands together and silently chant for the thoughts to click in the way that i wish they could. writing comes when i’m in the mood, and the mood is sparse in these trying times. with the stress i have, i remedy it, or at least try to, by just relaxing with shows or something, sleeping, working out, video games too even though the one i mostly play tilts me more than calms me 🤡 but that is typically me fashion. and because of my little time (or rather, my poor effective planning), i don’t think i can keep this blog. as you can see, it’s a skeleton of what it once was LOL it’s dead. and while some inkling of me thinks i can make it work and be active somehow, it doesn’t seem feasible anymore especially now that i’m reflecting as i type this out. 

although i say this, i’m still unsure what i actually want to do. i may archive it? perhaps, if anyone wants to come back to this to reminisce, they’re free to do so. i probably would myself since i’m a sentimental nutcase. however, the tiny devil on my shoulder that whispers hey, you anxious overthinker, i don’t fancy the idea of my writings being taken and reposted somewhere else. i much rather delete this blog completely, or private it. if i private it, i can at least keep my name hehe and i’ll consider just giving access to select people if there’s a want for it. i still have an ao3, but only one of my fics is currently posted on there. if in the event i choose to let this blog go, i could transfer all my writings on ao3 and if i ever get around to finishing more fics, they will likely end up there too. it won’t have the same feel as tumblr. it’s something though! and, still very public. eh, my blog’s future is a work in progress like everything else. 

i don’t know. of course, i don’t know. i’m indecisive and my mind is a plague LMAO if you or anyone would like to give their two cents about what i should do, i’m all ears. it may be while until i make a final decision 🤧

nonnie, i love you, i love you. i hope you’re living your best life right now, and if you’re not?? just say the word and i’ll throw these hands faster than lightning!! you have my best wishes and i hope you keep that kindness i see here close to your heart and unbreakable because it’s hard to find people like you these days. again, thank you. i appreciate you just as much, if not more! 💖

[bronan]

Tezz, 4 and 7

4. Fears

okay this is gonna sound corny af but short answer I think Tezz is afraid of being alone again. 

Super long answer: I think Tezz’s biggest fear, hands down, is growing attached to someone and then losing them. I’m sure he got so used to only relying on himself and not needing anybody else. Maybe it’s a little scary to think about getting close to others, now. I’m sure it’s really scary, actually. He probably didn’t even know where to begin. It just feels like child Tezz didn’t have any friends and maybe this experience with bf5 is his first real foray into friendship. 

so like imagine that you finally get rescued after being stuck on an alien moon for nine years right, you were there for so long it just became the new normal for you. You had zero human interaction but you had resources to study sentient culture - at that point, with so many formative years spent alone, don’t you think Tezz might feel more sentient than human?? Like of course he’s a human but maybe he tries to impose these restrictions on himself to act less so. Be practical, be logical, don’t be ruled by your feelings, etc. 

obviously he failed at that LMAO because Tezz is, in reality, a guy who you can tell yearns for companionship and who latches on so fiercely he would die for someone he barely knows because he decided he does care about them. I’m sure he didn’t see that coming, but we never really know how we’ll respond to a situation until we experience it firsthand. And I really enjoyed how human they made Tezz, after all. He could have been some cold, emotionless person who had to be taught how to smile at a joke, but Tezz is really a lonely 18 year old who has gone through some really rough shit and has been welcomed into this little family and accepted for who he is, snarky parts and all. He has a leader who always has his back and a team who will rally for him even when he drives them crazy because they know he’s been through a lot and they’re doing their best to have patience with him.

maybe Tezz never outright says it but I’m sure he’s deeply touched by that. He’s got to have some self-awareness and know that he’s abrasive at times, cocky, opinionated, rude. And he has a huge case of “I know best” which we know just always works with that team lmao. So really, for the team to be so patient with Tezz and willing to help him integrate back into society like... fucking well done kdsflssk it’s just so sweet honestly. They all kind of went back and forth and expressed their desire to kill him at least once I think but you had to dish it back to Tezz or else he’d walk all over you. Now they are one happy family and it’s all good and seeing Tezz’s growth in particular was so just mega wholesome and GOOD 

AND I WENT OFF TRACK AS ALWAYS KJSFKS every single time I get an ask about Tezz I just am like “let us now look back two hundred years to when it all started-”

ANYWAY

so taking all of that rambling I just did into consideration it’s like, Tezz just. I know he loves so fiercely. He tries to deny it, hide it, whatever, but he gets attached and he loves hard. He’d die for the ones he cares about. Didn’t he try to sacrifice himself without any hesitation in Rumble in the Jungle or whatever?? Like if Tezz genuinely likes you, you’re in, dude. 

So in summary that’s why I guess I just feel like Tezz would be so so so afraid of losing someone he’s grown to care about. He’s had everything taken away from him once already, and now he’s gained these friendships, this new life, these new opportunities and he has people who love him for who he is and I think the thought of losing any single one of them is like...inconceivable!! lmao.

And yeah I know I know a big part of Tezz always rushing off into reckless stuff was because he was cocky but your honor we can’t forget the times he went out of his way just to protect someone, it was king shit

of course this could all be absolute nonsense and I may just be talking out of my ass dsfsjfgjk 🥴 but I love the idea of Tezz with the big big heart who just doesn’t know what to do with himself when he loves someone except to offer up everything he has to make sure they’re safe. 

7. Travel

I feel like Tezz hadn’t traveled much beyond, you know, going into space from home, not until he joined bf5. Maybe he and his family took trips but with Tezz’s personality and interests, it seems like he would have been happy to stay at home where he could work on his experiments as often as possible. He was just a kid but man, he was focused, lol. Probably didn’t get out much or have any friends, one of those “all I need are my projects” kind of child. 

Now that he’s wild and free to roam the multiverse with his team, I think his curiosity can and does take him anywhere. I could see Tezz eagerly wanting to visit all kinds of planets and places in order to glean as much information as he could about the local flora/fauna, species, technology, etc, especially given how he’s working on a map of the multiverse. Now that Tezz is aware that there’s much more out there, he wants to see it all and to know it, understand it. It’s characters with that kind of insatiable curiosity that make great adventurers, you know? 😳

I feel that Tezz was desperately seeking the comfort of being home for a very long time, but he realized that home is wherever he feels it is and when he’s with bf5, he is home, so he can go anywhere with them. Okay I got really sappy sorry 🥺 I love tezz and so does the team

[dickwheelie]

Oooh 4, 14, and 20 for the ship ask!!

thank you Anna! Imma do jmart because this is my house and I make the rules lmao

4. What was their relationship like before they got together?

Well I think unfortunately we all know the answer to that, lmao. For real though, I think that by s3 Jon was really starting to develop a crush on Martin, even though he wasn’t 100% aware of it yet. I think the time he spent in America before returning to the institute kind of solidified it.

At one point Jon calls Martin up while overseas to ask him to help look something up, and they end up talking about non work related stuff for like, a few hours. And even though it’s the middle of the day for Jon in the US, for Martin it gets to be pretty late. Still, Martin doesn’t want to hang up, even though he’s still kind of stuck at his desk at work. (I’m thinking of that One Scene from the Office where Jim and Pam are on the phone till late while Jim’s at the other branch.) At one point Jon hears Martin say hi to like, a janitor or someone, and he realizes the time difference. Oh god, Jon thinks, it’s like 10pm there and I’ve just been talking his ear off. And he gets all apologetic, thinking he’s being annoying and a terrible boss, but Martin says it’s fine, he’s just glad they were able to chat about something that wasn’t evil fear entities for a couple of hours. “I’ve been rambling, though,” Jon says. “Yeah,” Martin admits. “But it’s nice hearing you ramble. You sound less . . . tired. I dunno. Every time you call you sound a bit down, but today you actually sounded sort of happy.” “I--I guess I was,” Jon says, realizing that talking to Martin had made him feel better. Not in a statement way, but in a normal way. Like talking to Georgie had felt after a long day of classes and writing papers back in uni. Jon’s not quite ready to examine that feeling yet, but he can feel that there’s something there.

(Did this even answer the question? Eh who cares. My house baybee)

14. Are there any love rivals?

Can I just say love rivals is the most buck wild way to say like, romantic competition, lmao.

The best thing about jmart is that during the timeline of the show, there is absolutely no one else Jon is interested in, and absolutely no one else who is interested in Jon, and yet Martin is so jealous for absolutely no reason at all. We’ve seen it with Oliver and to some extent Georgie (she and Martin didn’t exactly get off on the best foot), but I imagine that if the apocalypse hadn’t happened and Jon and Martin got to go on normal outings and dates, Martin would make a lot of unfounded assumptions. Like anyone he thinks might be Jon’s type (which he assumes is just very attractive goths, again based on a sample size of two), he gets all suspicious of them and keeps checking in with Jon about them. Like, “Do you think that waiter meant to wink at you? Or did they just have something in their eye?” and Jon’s like “I don’t think they winked at me at all.” Of course I don’t think Martin would be like possessive or gross or anything, just worried that Jon would be charmed away from him at some point by someone more attractive, or more academically-minded, or possibly just more goth than he is. Meanwhile Jon is vaguely confused and extremely flattered that anyone’s jealous on his behalf at all.

They’d of course have to have a nice sit-down about it after a little while, but not before Jon catches on to what’s happening, and at one point makes a big show of holding Martin’s hand or kissing his cheek or something like that in front of one of Martin’s targets. Which definitely helps to assuage Martin’s concerns.

20. What does a typical date look like for them?

This is presuming a non-safehouse, non-apocalypse environment

I think the two of them are pretty traditional when it comes to dates. A nice dinner out, maybe a movie or a concert afterwards (Martin doesn’t like theater, but maybe Jon convinces him to go see something on the West End at one point), and then maybe a nice late-night walk around the city. Maybe they find a nice cozy bar and get a little drunk, and hey it’s karaoke night, why not, and Jon isn’t a bad singer, Martin realizes, especially when he’s letting himself have a little fun with it. At one point, quite a few drinks in, Jon picks a really corny, slow love song (I’m thinking Fernando by ABBA, but feel free to imagine whatever song you like, so long as it’s corny and old), and he sings it to Martin where he’s sitting across the bar. It’s definitely the booze that’s making Martin’s cheeks heat up. No other reason. And when Jon finishes the song he shouts into the microphone, “That’s my boyfriend!” loud enough to cause some audio feedback, and rushes back to join Martin at their table to the scattered, confused clapping of the other patrons.

They’re still a little tipsy by the time they get home, and they collapse messily on the sofa for a while, kissing a bit, mostly cuddling and laughing over a bit of drunken conversation. “You should sing for me more often,” Martin says, feeling bold, and Jon says, “Okay, but you have to sing to me too.” “No, no, I can’t sing.” “Nonsense,” Jon says, and he leans close into Martin’s face, “everyone can sing, ‘less they have amusia.” “A-what-a?” “A-mus-i-a,” Jon says, carefully enunciating through the alcohol. “Tone deafness. Are you tone deaf, Martin?” “No,” Martin says, giggling at Jon’s utter seriousness. “Alright then, so you can sing,” Jon says, nodding decisively. “Not really, though,” says Martin. He pokes Jon’s nose. “Not like you can.” “Don’t be ridiculous, Martin. You’re being very ridiculous right now. Stop laughing! This isn’t a laughing matter--”

They go on like that for a while. You get the idea.

[atinybitofau]

S E O N G H W A ⇰ office au

THE ONE WHERE YOUR BOSS IS YOUR STRESS BALL

warning: cheating may be present.

p.s I think I have a thing for stress balls lmao

• you had a great time tonight.

• the absolute best

• having Seonghwa’s undivided attention on you.

• on his birthday.

• you’ve been close friends for so long

• since he hired you 3 years ago

• and you were flattered by his attempt to bring you even closer.

• he had a small party with like 8 other friends of his.

• some being his closest friends girlfriends.

• you kind of felt out of place but he never let you get to 100%.

• not a chance.

• “You sure you’re gonna be okay?”

• you look at Seonghwa from the passenger seat of his car, cuddled up in a scarf he gave you when he offered to take you home.

• your boyfriend was apparently too busy to pick up your calls to pick you up so it was nice of him to offer.

• you think,

• sometimes Seonghwa is too good to be true.

• too good of a boss.

• an even better friend

• and his smile SENDS

• but you have a boyfriend that beat him to it.

• that you kind of love?

• “I’ll be okay.” you smile at him even though you were no match for his. “Thank you Seonghwa. I had a great time and I really hope my gift doesn’t disappoint you.”

• you remember the teddy bear you saw in the massage section of the mall—

• thinking since he’s always been there to relieve your stress.

• he deserves something that could relieve his.

• his fingers effortlessly lace through his golden hair when he lowly chuckles. “Your gifts could never disappoint me, y/n. You are a gift.”

• you snicker though your heart feels flattered by his compliment. “There’s obviously something wrong with you then.”

• you wave him off again when you’re looking through his car window, wanting to see him off properly.

• still smiling at him like an idiot.

• “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

• after a smile like that, he couldn’t wait.

• he nods, lips never frowning whenever he sees you. “Bright and early.”

• you kind of feel good coming home this time.

• your relationship hasn’t been good to you and neither has work.

• Seonghwa just gave you the best tension dropper you could ever think of.

• but you think maybe it’s time you mend things up with your boyfriend.

• who isn’t as high on the board as Seonghwa is

• but still your department boss..

• so you kind of need to amend the relationship?

• you’re on lighter feet now.

• but once your lighter feet take you the pits of hell, you start to think none of it.

• no, more like you want to cut that measly prick’s balls off.

• “What. The. Actual. Fuck.”

• your boyfriend’s stuttering to pull his hard dick out of a woman you’ve never seen before—

• wait..

• IS THAT YOUR ROOMMATE?!

• “Y-y/n it’s not what it looks like.”

• how fucking corny.

• that he uses a line so known in these kinds of situations.

• “So it doesn’t look like you’re shoving your dick down my roommates vag?”

• “No?”

• there are two things you could do right now.

• you could cry.

• cry and kick them both out of YOUR apartment and be okay with seeing him at work tomorrow

• OR.

• you can find something else to relieve the pain.

• relieve the anger and the stress from someone who knows how

• and has the power to fire your boyfriend from not only your workplace but your life.

• so you grab your car keys from its place on the hook with your last will of staying sane in front of your cheating EX.

• “Oh by the way? Fuck you.”

• see normal people would be devastated by this.

• except...

• no except you kind of knew it was over with him before it happened.

• now you’re driving like a mad man, hormones on fire, to a place you had just came from hoping the party had ended and you’d have him all to yourself.

• even having the constant fear of driving not keeping you from getting to Seonghwa’s in 10 minutes flat.

• “Y/n? What are you doing here?”

• so the party hasn’t ended yet.

• you gulp and look over Hongjoong’s shoulder for Seonghwa who was cleaning up in his kitchen.

• “Um.. well you see. I um.”

• maybe you should just cry.

• yeah.

• and think why do things like this always happen to you?

• and that wanting Park Seonghwa,

• your boss by all means,

• to help you with your relationship problems?

• on his birthday no less.

• sounding even more far fetched then the first.

• “Y/n?”

• Seonghwa sees you now and stops.

• he knows you good enough.

• that you wouldn’t be visibly shaking on the verge of tears at his doorstep right after he had just dropped you off not even 20 minutes ago

• shocked that you, a woman with a drivers license but a strong fear of driving,

• got here in less than 30 minutes. Let alone 10.

• but he knew your boyfriend had been a cheater before you two even got together.

• now he definitely knows why you’re here.

• “Hey guys! Y/n’s back!”

• choruses of your name and whoops are sounded but you don’t feel happy.

• you can’t even force a smile.

• just looking at Seonghwa was the only thing you could think of to keep you from crying your eyes out.

• he’s careful when he closes the door behind him cupping your cheeks in his hands to search.

• search for some consolidation.

• “What’s wrong?” he asks you even though he knows.

• you let a tear slip unconsciously and shyly look to your feet. “I.. I need a hug.”

• he smiles softly before his large figure engulfs you into his.

• he lets you cry against him because he can’t fathom seeing it.

• rather have you buried into his body instead of seeing it with his eyes.

• thinks it might just kill him.

• or he might just kill someone else.

• “I knew too. That he was acting weird this whole month and I told you, remember?”

• “Hm.” Seonghwa hums in approval while rubbing circles on your back.

• you don’t know why it felt good.

• why it feels good after you found your boyfriend cheating on you?

• but Seonghwa feels good and he always has

• and don’t you know it.

• “Y-you’re my boss, Seonghwa. I don’t ever want to burden you with my problems cause it’s my personal life, you know? You don’t need my problems to be fucking up your peace of mind.”

• he doesn’t want hear that.

• he holds you back, hands cupping your ugly crying face—

• which he thinks is the prettiest thing in the world by the way.

• “Hey.” He leans his forehead on yours because he thinks it’s right. “Don’t say that now. You know I would never think that way.”

• he’s too nice to you.

• it doesn’t hurt at all.

• the agony.

• and you think it’s because the man you really love is holding you while you cry off the guilt of loving someone else.

• “Didn’t have anyone else to go to,” you admit crying into his perfectly clean white shirt. “Even if I did, wouldn’t be as nice as you are to me. As good as you are.”

• “I know what you’re thinking, y/n.” He replies quickly before you could add on. “And no you don’t sound like an obsessed female with wild hormones.”

• you want to laugh because he always knew how to say the randomness things at great times.

• you curl a little more confidently against him now. “That’s good to know.”

• Seonghwa’s daring,

• though you’re mentally not in the state,

• how he wants to kiss you so you forget all about your problems.

• how he wants you to use his lips as your personal stress ball every day for the rest of your lives.

• but instead says something on the lines of, “I’m willing to be here. Every day listening to every word— bad and good. Regardless if I’m your boss.”

• your eyes shut when his breath fans your lips.

• your tears stop.

• and you think the mint and whiskey musk he breathes out was why.

• “Seonghwa, you don’t deserve me.. I don’t deserve you.”

• when your eyes are closed.

• his eyes are wide open.

• staring right at your lips.

• “I know this might sound stupid right now cause your dumb excuse of a boyfriend just cheated on you but I mean it when I say this y/n,”

• you gasp inaudibly, heart racing and gut clenching when his lips sting against yours.

• “I want you to use me. Use me to relieve your stress every fucking day until the day you die. And I want it to start today.”

• your face is contorted in mixed emotions when he abruptly kisses you.

• and you’re gone—

• already far past your unresolved ill fated relationship with your EX

• and now hopelessly in the clouds kissing the person you should’ve been kissing since the beginning.

• he pulls back when he feels you move but grunts a little when he finds you’ve only adjusted for comfort.

• arms around his neck on your tippy toes, smile peppering you’re intimate kisses.

• he’s lifting you like a princess with his gentle arms wrapped around your arched waist.

• falling deeper into the trap of love you set for him when you applied to work for his company in the first place.

• “That I’m willing to be just as good as a stress ball for you as much as you will for me.” you tell him not wanting you to seem any dishonest

• you know he believes you when his teeth press your lips and you feel he’s smiling.

• “Took the words right out of my mouth, love.”

• it’s even better when he has you on his lap first thing next morning covered in love bites,

• as he gives you all the right to fire your ex as his new girlfriend.

• who said office romances were so cliche?

@atinybitofau

[r-a-d-imagines]

No need to fear! I am here!! I’m corny ok sry. I did give you lots to write lmao it won’t happen again. So that same pent up request with Simeon, Diavolo and Lucifer? And one of the other 6 brothers. I’d like you to pick. You’re writing is like phenomenal. 💕🦇— U can call me Alice :3 ghost anon 😭

A.N ; a h!!!! no need to be sorry!!!! thank you for your request in the first place!! ^^ i’m glad you enjoy my writing alice!!! i took some liberties on what exactly pent up means for each simeon’s-if you’d like something different, please feel free to ask for it! also, i hope you’re okay with a bit of a sub!lucifer ^^’‘ couldn’t miss the opportunity to write him like that

Simeon, Diavolo, Lucifer, and Leviathan ; Pent Up Sex (w/ female partner)

SimeonEvidently, this was a side of your boyfriend you... Would never have imagined existing, but, low and behold, here you were. In the back of your mind, you worried about getting chewed out for missing class-it sure seemed like you were skipping right now-but, due to some... Certain circumstances, you found it hard to care all that much.“S-Simeon-this bathroom is very echo-y, please-” His hips snapped against your own at a very particular angle, and you slapped your hand over your mouth mid-sentence to halt the cry that threatened to tear itself out of your throat. Breathlessly, he chuckled from his spot behind you, a contradicting gentle hand smoothing itself along your slightly exposed back-he hadn’t taken your uniform off completely, after all. That was the whole reason you were here, not that you knew that. It was new, since the one you’d been given at first didn’t fit right, and, well... This one fit a little too well.“All the better for me to listen to your sweet sounds, love. I’m sure no one’s around-please be as loud as you’d like.” His casual tone made you want to reach back and elbow him right in the ribs-how could he be so nonchalant while he was fucking you like this! In the school bathroom!“Wh-what’s-what’s gotten into you?” Your words sounded more like restrained whimpers, as Simeon saw no reason to allow you a minute to breathe and speak clearly, and you shuddered at the thoughtful hum that left him as his fingers fiddled with the ends of your uniform skirt, flipping it up a little to watch his cock slip in and out of you.“Mm... I just really admire the way your new uniform fits, is all. Couldn’t help myself.”DiavoloYou couldn’t believe him-you knew he wasn’t shy about fooling around in public, but... God. Here, now, with people so close by? Really?He’d elected to take you and the demon brothers out to dinner to celebrate something or other, making a reservation and getting a special table and all that-but upon arriving, it was found that the table was one chair short of being able to seat all of you. Instead of inconveniencing the staff, Diavolo very happily invited you to use his lap as a seat-you should have said no, in retrospect, so this whole mess was partially your fault.Somewhere along the way, without getting caught, somehow, he’d fished his dick out of his pants and pulled your underwear to the side, slipping himself inside of you-”to make it more comfortable,” he’d said. But comfortable for who, you had no idea. You had to admit, though-it wasn’t the worst. It’d been a while since the two of you got to have sex in general-this was an entirely different kind of thrilling. You guessed that was probably why he was doing this-he must have missed you, too.Just sitting with him inside was enough to have you on the verge of coming undone-after all, he was huge, every slight move you made felt overwhelming. You were at least vaguely sure no one had caught on to what was going on-though the looks Asmodeous was giving you from across the table were a bit... Worrying. How he constantly wiggled his eyebrows at the two of you with an almost knowing smirk.“H-how long is this dinner supposed to last, Diavolo? I-I don’t think I’m feeling very well,” You cleared your throat to try and make your voice sound a bit more normal, and you wanted to cry as Diavolo only laughed behind you, patting your thigh.“We haven’t even gotten our food yet, my love-I’m sure you’ll feel better once you’re full.”LuciferQuite frankly, you were a bit frustrated. Not with Lucifer personally, but... Well, maybe it was a bit personal, actual. You wished he would take a break from all that work he had-even if only for a minute. Your heart broke when you bumped into him in the kitchen earlier, hearing the way his shoulders cracked and popped as he begrudgingly fetched himself something to eat before slinking back into his office-though not without pausing to at least grace his lips against your forehead, almost apologetically.He was sorry-for neglecting you for his work, likely. He’d never actually say so, though-nor would he admit to being tired or stressed, that much you knew all too well.And then, it occurred to you-what was stopping you from helping him yourself, instead of waiting around for him to burn himself out and join you in bed? So that was how you found yourself... Here.With Lucifer on his knees for you in the middle of his office, bare from the waist up, skin stinging and red from being struck with the very same riding crop he so often used on you. He had that stubborn, prideful smile of his on his face as he looked up at you, breathless and panting, barely managing to speak, “... I might be letting you have for fun for right now, my dear, but I really should-”“You go near that desk, and I might just go looking for one of your whips.” You interrupted him coldly, delighting in the way his breath hitched, the way he shivered at your threat.“... Alright then, mistress,” The title rolled off his lips sarcastically, though his face flushed deliciously at the sound of it, “-continue with your punishment.”LeviathanYou weren’t sure how much longer this could go on-one of you was bound to snap sooner or later and escalate the situation, but... Alas. Levi sure did seem keen putting all of his focus into the game he was playing, even if your throat was wrapped snugly around his dick, and had been for the past while.You were trying to get him away from his computer, even if only for a little while-and he knew that, so he was trying extra hard to ignore you, but as you stared up at him from where you were, between his legs under his desk, you were overjoyed to see the slight twitches of his eyebrow, the tiny growls he’d let out every few seconds as he shifted around to, in his words, “get comfortable”. Any minute now, you knew-any minute now, he’d give up.You brought your hands up to his thighs, nails raking down the length of them slowly, pressing down just enough to make his cock twitch in your mouth-and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.“You’re so unfair-” His hand leafed itself into your hair, “-damn, I was winning, too-” He was starting to all but yank your head up and down, “-you’re goona regret this, ____-”... Were you, though? Not likely.

[rogue-of-heart-classpecting]

Victorious

Ah shit, here we go again.

Tori: Ugh. Lol. Ok but for real I think Tori would be.... ? Let’s see. Her goal in life is I guess to get famous. Or to grow her talent. She might be a Maid. A maid of Space? Or like a Seer of Space? I think that could work because she doesn’t really start out with no access to her aspect. I mean unless you count her being extremely average in every art. But since the show pretends that she’s a god among men. I’m gonna say she’s the Seer.

Andre: Time player. He’s so good at music! He’s also kinda patient. Idk if it was patience or impatience that was associated with time but I feel like they kinda both are. And they’re both space-associated too. Actually I think it was IMpatience that was the time one because Dave and Aradia are both impatient and Kanaya is very patient. Jade is sometimes patient and sometimes impatient because she’s a Witch. Um anyway he could be a knight. Or an heir? Wait he kinda has that rogue thing where hes like um... ok nvm sorry I said that lol. Like that time he accidentally called a girls dad hot and then he said “I didn’t mean her dad was... I drank fish pee.” And he says things or makes corny jokes a lot and then goes “I should shut up.” Kinda rogueish. And he’s always writing music for his friends! Especially Tori the space player. No no no no wait. He has like. Maidlike traits. Maids also give up easily and have to embrace their aspect, but instead of moving it they make it. That seems just right for Andre. He can be the Maid of Time.

Robbie: Doom player? Lmao. He literally has a Cal-level evil juju puppet by the way. We cannot just ignore that. That fucking puppet is constantly plaguing him with bad thoughts and ideas. But he also has an unhealthy attachment to it to the point where he hallucinates that it’s talking to him when he’s been apart from it for a day. One day. Terrifying. But anyway let’s look at his class. He seems like a Page. If he was a page tho he would have to be a Page of Life. Pages ofc have a lack of their aspect in their lives that leads to severe problems for them in that they get stepped on by anyone willing to take advantage of them. A Page of Life wouldn’t be able to grow physically or they would have constant ill health. Robbie is a little string bean of a man. He comments that he is “still working through the last chapter of puberty,” and rex says “he is a sloowwww reader.” He would also be unable to stand up for himself, even more than other pages. Whenever Robbie gets an idea and decides to carry it out for his own sake and for once have control over something in his life, he gets immediately shot down and does that weird “AEI” thing that I think is so funny. You know when he screams just a little bit and it sounds like a puppy yelping? So funny. Anyway Robbie will have to eventually grow and be full of Life by avoiding everyone trying to get in his way or step on him.

Jade: Let’s see. Jade can be a Doom or Rage player. She likes dead things. And scissors. She would have scissorkind as a strife specibus. She could be a Witch of Doom? She doesn’t have the genocidal tendencies I assume would come with a Thief of Doom title. She could be a Prince of Doom? I think she has too much fun to be a Prince to be perfectly honest. I think Jade fits the Rage aspect more than the Doom one. Doom is more about control and I think Jade doesn’t care about that very much. If she was a Witch of Rage she would be able to manipulate the fear and anger in other people, which sounds about right tbh. She would break the rules of rage and break rules with rage. That actually is getting kind of off course. What I see her doing with rage is controlling others by instilling it in other people. That sounds more like something a Sylph of Rage would do. Sylves like to control and micromanage their aspect in their friends. They’re also kind of mom friends sometimes. And Jade is constantly looking out for Cat and uses Rage sometimes to keep her out of trouble. What a queen. Can you guys tell by now what my type is honestly 😔

Beck: Knight? I have no idea what his real feelings are. He’s just a king. He might be a void player? Knight of Void? He always protects his friends and it seems like no one actually can tell what he’s really like. He’s a bit like Dirk? But he’s not really destructive. But he doesn’t seem like a Heart player either. I’m gonna just say Knight of Void.

Cat: Uhh? Could be a rogue? Wait that’s perfect lol. She is JUST like me when I was 10. Now for the aspect. Ok what does Cat not accept in herself. Maybe her crush on Robbie? WAIT Cat cannot be me PLEASE do not let Cat be me!!!!! Oh no. Guys I think it’s happening :( Remember when she had that blonde episode where she wouldn’t stop wearing the damn wig bc she thought her new boyfriend wouldn’t like her without it. Yeah 😔. Rogue of Heart

[atopearth]

Piofiore: Fated Memories Part 1 - Nicola Francesca Route

Okay, I pre-ordered this game because I loved the art and I have a secret fetish (not so secret anymore now) for mafia stuff LOL. There's just something about it that makes me love it even if it's trashy, I guess it's the setting that always amuses me. Anyway, Gilbert looks the hottest to me but it seems like you can only do his route last? It's okay, let's see how this goes~~ The lawlessness and how the different Mafia families control respective territories is what I dig~ I hope this will give me what I wanted from Ozmafia loll. Omg wow, Elena and everyone is so pretty as well. Anyway, it's kinda awkward to hear them call the heroine Lili (her name is Liliana) because my name is Lily! Lol! I'm not a good girl like her though hahaha, she seems to be a nice girl that's grateful to the church for raising her and wants to do the same for all the other children. Is Roberto not an LI? I mean, he looks pretty good too...🥺 Oooh, I was planning on doing the Nicola route first but I didn't even realise this fluffy kinda curly hair guy was him! I'll take him, he's pretty cuteee. I love how he winked at Lili and she got a bit startled and bumped into Roberto making her drop her lemons, it was gentlemanly of Nicola to come and pick it up for her. On the other hand, Roberto is such a stick in the mud lolll, like dude, it's cool to want to change things but you wanna understand the system here? Anyway, Nicola seems like a nice pushy person haha.

Ooh these meanwhile stories/reels are pretty cool! I like them since you get to see what other people are doing~ Anyway, omg I was wondering why Yang sounded familiar, it's Accelerator's (To Aru Majutsu no Index) VA!! I didn't like Yang's appearance but I might have to change my mind now because I love his voice hahaha. Okay, not good, I have a soft spot for Orlok too, not only is he hot and cute at the same time, his voice is so demure but warm, I love it!! I can't choose my favourite🤣 Lmao, I'm using a walkthrough and everyyyy answer I pick is different from what should be picked hahaha, I guess Nicola is not for me hahaha! Anyway, I was wondering why Gilbert's voice sounded familiar and it's the same VA as Okita Souji from Hakuouki! Okita wasn't my favourite though, character and voice wise so hmm, but I do love Gilbert's looks the most haha. Let's see, it's funny but it seems like everyone I was not interested in (Yang and Orlok) when I first picked up the game are now the ones I'm most interested in hahaha. Dante and Gilbert's looks are the best though~ Anyway, back to the story, Gilbert seems like a much more chill mafia boss than I thought haha. Omg when Elena got stabbed, I was like nooo, not the sweet pretty girl!! Thankfully, she didn't die because of Orlok saving them and taking Elena to the hospital. Lmao at Orlok asking Lili if she can run and then deciding that actually it's faster if he just carries her lol.

Well, I'm glad Nicola saved her before those thugs got to her, but dang, he was ruthless. Hmm, assuming that Lili and Elena were targeted for human trafficking just like all the other girls that supposedly "left" the town to go to city, why did those thugs say they'll get in trouble for doing it to nuns?🤔 Because they know that the Falzone family protect the church since they believe that they have what they possess right now because of the blessings of the land, so the Falzone family would take action if they hurt nuns? But then in that meanwhile story, they attacked the Falzone family members so...it can't be that simple? I would assume the most obvious answer is that another family or outsider is killing all these people rather than the Lao-Shu but we shall see~ How sweet of Nicola to stand guard for her to sleep peacefully! I still think there's something about Nicola that I can't trust right now, but having someone warm up some milk and honey for you, lull you to sleep and help you vent out your fears from everything that just happened is something I can't help but be touched by. It felt very comforting to see Nicola do all that for Lili.

Omg, is it just me or does Nicola look better without a hat, and Dante looks better with a hat?? Hahaha. Aww Leo sounds so cute and thoughtful, he'll be a nice bodyguard for Lili. I'm so hungry with all the descriptions of the good food lmao, all the mains and desserts sound so yummm🥺🥺 Aww, Nicola doesn't like lardo/pork lard but he still ate the broiled bream Lili made with it🥺 So, um just because the abductions stopped, the police closed the case on it? Like, don't they need to find a culprit or if there's something like a syndicate? Anyway, Roberto needs to get off his high horse, especially since he seems to think the police has no fault in anything and that the Mafia are bad because they're the Mafia more than actually finding reprehensible actions with them, but I guess the Mafia's actions make themselves seem above the law so I can't blame Roberto, but he really needs to reel in his emotions and thoughts if he wants to properly deal with them lol. Honestly though, Lili said Nicola was surprisingly harsh with how he dealt with the subordinate that let Roberto into the estate, but I don't think he was harsh at all, he didn't even punish him lol, and really, Nicola's right, Roberto had no business coming in and should not have been allowed in for no reason, especially if anything happened. Nicola is such a tease though, making Lili feed him the crostata in appreciation of him loll (btw it was nice of Lili to bake something for Dante to thank him for allowing her to stay here so comfortably).

Awww, although he kinda took her off guard, it was cute how Nicola laid on her lap to rest since he hasn't had much time to sleep lately considering all the family members that have been killed recently. Stylistically, Yang looks pretty dang cool, but omg, not sure what Lao-Shu would be in Chinese or if it's made up but it keeps making me think of mice because that's how you pronounce mice in Mandarin hahahaha; Yang the master of the mice family hahaaha🤣 I'm not sure why exactly the Lao-Shu or whatever in particular want to kill Lili but I can understand why she begged Dante and Nicola to let the guy go even though she nearly died. On the other hand, it's nice to see more of the "less nice" parts of being in the Mafia haha, I do feel sorry for the guy since he seemed to have done it for his family, but I don't at the same time because that means he chose to endanger the whole Falzone family for them, I'm sure that with them, the Mafia family should be just as important as their own little family or even more important, and technically, instead of betraying Dante and them, he should have told them what was happening. Him betraying the Falzone basically means that he was willing to potentially give up on their lives to save his own and his family's and that definitely shouldn't be tolerated. Regardless though, it must have been shocking for Lili to see Nicola so ruthless and cut the guy's fingernail and ear off. Honestly, at this point though, I wouldn't be surprised if the one that's causing all this turmoil and killing Dominico (one of the higher up members in the Falzone) is actually Roberto lol.

I can imagine Nicola betraying the family, but I don't feel like he would ever betray Dante. But that CG of him pointing the gun at Lili was very pretty I have to admit haha. Anyway, it's amusing to think that the Visconti Family are kinda branched off from the Falzone Family after disagreeing with how the Falzone prioritise blood kin for the bosses/positions, I wonder how Gilbert feels about Dante and them. I can't say that I like the Nicola and Lili pairing but I do admire Lili for doing her best to try to communicate properly with Nicola and understand him despite his harshness towards her. LMAO at the corny scenario Gilbert made up to make Nicola protect her and show he really cares for Lili. Kid Dante is so cute, I can see why Nicola would want to protect him like a big brother🥺 Anyway, I really like how Lili is the one initiating talks with Nicola to try and get any opportunity to get to know him better, like in a sense she does feel a bit weirdly desperate and too nice, but he's the only one she really knows here and she's always appreciated how kind he was back at Falzone, so for him and for her current situation, it would be beneficial to try and understand his actions better haha. Hmm, so I guess the reason Nicola wants to destroy the Falzone family is because he wants to free Dante from the Mafia since Dante always hated being forced to do all these things as a child.. Aww, did Dante bring along the traitor Falzone member to the Burlone Mafia meeting to indirectly tell Nicola that he'll forgive him if he comes back?

Honestly, I feel sorry for Marco having to deal with the shit Roberto causes all the time, sometimes I think back to when I first started the game thinking Roberto was hot and needed a route, and now I kinda regret even that thought because he's such a shit LOL. Anyway, although I feel sorry for Marco, I have to admit that it feels weird with Marco's experience and keen eye to neglect how deluded Roberto is getting. It also annoys me to think about those Rome higher ups that threw Roberto here to "learn something", like uh, I don't know what logic you went with, but for someone so hell bent on his own form of justice to go to a lawless area sounds like a crappy idea. Anyway, it was obvious that Roberto was going to shoot Nicola and Lili would shield him, it's just nice that her arm only got grazed, but that's probably already too much for Nicola lol. I have to agree with Yang that in the long term, it's much easier to just kill off Roberto now, and they're really too soft to let this crazy dog run around, I mean I doubt it's difficult for any of them to "kill him" without a trace to them. Okay, I expected the kiss but it was still nice to see, so cute lol🥺 I guess at least now Nicola can kinda understand to treasure himself and his own life more through Lili wanting to protect him with her life. OKAY, I am so sad, I expected it when Roberto appeared, but it was so sad to see him kill Marco because he protected Dante. I know Yang kinda "manipulated" him into delving deeper into his self-serving justice, but really, I'm sure he would have come to this point himself anyway because he obviously doesn't listen to others and definitely needs some counselling more than anything, but geez, poor Marco, he deserved to reach his retirement🥺

It was nice to see Nicola finally properly open up to Lili even though what he said is something we already knew. Her confession was cute~ Honestly, I find it kinda silly how easily the people have been swayed into thinking that Nicola is actually responsible for every killing and bad thing that has happened just through Roberto's lie saying Marco's last words were that Nicola did it (and rumours), since I personally feel like regardless of him being a traitor or not, it's a bit ridiculous to pin it on him other than because of your personal feelings. Anyway, Roberto's arrogance makes me want to punch him in the face every time he talks now and I hope his downfall will be satisfying loll, but yeah, as expected, Roberto was the serial killer too. I love how chill Gilbert is though, just strolling to Dante's place like they're friends haha. I also love how much both Dante and Nicola love and care for each other that they'd rather risk their own lives than the other's. I'm happy that Dante told Nicola to go and protect Lili from Roberto, since at least Dante can take care of himself and he's got the Visconti, but Lili doesn't really have anyone she can trust. Well, Roberto gets more and more insane by the second~ I feel sorry for the poor innocent people he shot... Anyway, lmao at the typo when Nicola shot Roberto, way to kill the supposedly cool scene! Hahaha. Otherwise, I'm not too sure about the publishing saying Nicola's betrayal was all done to lure out the killer and was actually a joint operation between the Falzone and Visconti, like why would the serial killer care if he's a traitor or not? Anyway, considering how the Lao-Shu are gone after this debacle, was it really smart or worth it for Yang to have used Roberto for his schemes knowing how crazy the guy was? It was so cute how Gil kept teasing Nicola about going back to face Dante and being honest with him about why he betrayed the Falzone. I'm glad he could finally tell him, and I'm happy that Dante understood his intentions pretty much immediately. As expected though, even though Dante does feel bound by his bloodline and the family, the Falzone will always be his home and it is a place and gathering of people he'll want to protect no matter what, and that includes Nicola, so rather than feeling like his freedom is being sacrificed now, I'm sure he's happy that he has so many people who believe in him and want to follow him.

Awww I thought the ending was going to give another kiss CG when he asked if he could kiss her! I'm so sad loll! Okay, all good, that best ending CG was hot hahaha. As for the good ending, I'm not sure why Nicola had to kill Roberto like that when he already saved Lili? I felt like there were many other ways to handle that situation and he just took the fastest one that was most disadvantageous to him. Regardless though, Nicola and Lili running away from Burlone and finding happiness going from place to place is pretty cute in its own way, like look at that CG!! Lili has impeccable hair and clothes even on the run, they're obviously having the time of their lives hahaha. Omggg, that tragic ending, I knew Nicola would go a bit nuts after finding out that Dante is dead, but that ungrateful guy!! He literally killed Gil (although Gil should have known better to guard against him imo since he knew how important Dante was to him), like I know it was a mutually beneficial relationship, but c'mon, Gil is like the nicest and most courteous Mafia boss and treated him so well, ugh. I won't forgive you, Nicola. Although, I do have to say, our Mafia bosses all sure died easily! I know it was for the dramatic effect but loll. Hmm, I feel like since Dante died, Nicola is crazy enough to go back to the Falzone family just to kill everyone in it to kinda take revenge on them for being the reason for Dante's death (edit: I kinda wanted this kind of tragic end XD). Honestly, Lili shouldn't enable Nicola especially considering how he's basically raping her but I guess it's not like she can escape anymore anyway since she knows that she doesn't really have a choice, and Nicola told her that too. Okay, the tragic ending was more tame than I thought because I honestly thought he was going to kill everyone hahhaha, he only held Lili in the cage of her room never allowing her to meet anyone so that he can always protect her, which although creepy is understandable since if someone like Dante could die, he's gotta protect someone super frail like her, pretty nice CG too. Bad ending 1 is kinda confusing though, like why did Nicola need to kill her when he was betraying Dante? I'm sure he could have escaped regardless lol, like umm, don't you like her?!

Overall, Nicola and his route was all right but definitely not a favourite. I guess I'm just not into him, although I do love his relationship with Dante and how much they both care for each other, it was probably the best part of the route, because it was so much more touching and heartwarming than any of the other romantic scenes with Lili haha. I guess for Nicola, Lili just had to be really accommodating with him and chase him all the time, but I feel like the story lacked showing why Lili had such conviction to believe in Nicola like that and be with him no matter how he treated her. Like, aside from being flirty, a bit pushy and nice, he really didn't do enough for me to think, yeah, he's worth all this trouble haha. His reason for betraying the Falzone was understandable and of course quite one-sided but you could see why he came to that conclusion so I liked how much he thought about Dante and how much he was willing to sacrifice for him. Oh, and I thought there was going to be some flashback to why he seems to have liked her since the beginning but I guess not LOL. Anyway, the last part was probably the weakest part plot wise imo, but it was okay. Otherwise, I'm sad that Roberto turned out to be a crazy guy hahaha. 

[denisethinks]

Rule #1 in getting to know strangers, do not be afraid to get a little bit existential.

For the longest time, I've never been the one to write about what I'm feeling, I always reason out that I'm far too impatient for it but I think in reality it's because there are always a hundred and one things going on inside of my head and I just can't seem to decide on what I should write about. Okay so an introduction, I can do that. "Who am I?" Be honest, when you hear this question do you just automatically answer with your name or do you also have a mini existential crisis like me? LMAO, anyway- I am the kind of person who always puts you in their best interest, whether or not you are a stranger doesn't matter, I will just simply never be the one to put you in a difficult situation cos I for one would personally hate that. I am someone who values respect for privacy a lot. I prefer to have someone not force me into talking about something, as I would never demand that much from someone. I can be your Switzerland when you need it, a neutral ground to talk to about delicate matters. I pride myself on being a dependable friend but of course like all things this is still subject to the availability of my mental capacity. I am 22 years old and I will be turning 23 on July 31. When it comes to my relationships, I have only ever introduced one person to my family, the others you could say we're not that serious to even warrant an introduction. I think of love as the great unknown; I love talking about it and hearing about other people's experiences/thoughts about it; growing up I've been heavily saturated with the media's idea of love, not that I'm saying it's the realistic and healthy kind but you know, the kind you always see being broadcasted on TV. I love listening to music, it's one of my guilty pleasures, it's literally the cheapest form of therapy in my own opinion. So something deeper. I guess you can say that I come from an "unofficially" broken family. I say this because my parents never really officially got broken up, they would always "try" to be civil but one way or another arguments seem to find their way between them. At a young age, I've learned to master the art of consoling my own self during the times I'd need someone, I guess you could say I grew up early. If I were to profile my own self I'd say I'm someone who is a people pleaser, I'd always try to get on someone's good graces cos I'm scared of ever disappointing someone. Like any other teenager, I also had my own share of depressive states, never got officially checked out though, I think growing up Asian just meant that it was always expected of, from every family member to just have a thicker skin when it comes to braving through life's challenges. And finally, for something that I am willing to be vulnerable about, I think it would have to be that I fear that my future familial/romantic relationships would end up being a lot like my parent's. I honestly can't think of anything scarier other than that. After my break up with my last boyfriend, I started my journey to healing, I was overcome with so many emotions I didn't know how to process, all I knew then was that I'd rather experience physical pain over what I was then feeling, and I say this because I for one have a rather high pain tolerance. I am still on that journey btw, but now I've decided to write about it, living in a pan de coco and all that jazz pretty much just amplified the "fuck it, YOLO" mentality so might as well dwell on a new habit right? Now that we have (hopefully) established rapport, this blog is entirely gonna be about my journey to healing, my highs and lows, my challenges, and the whole lotta learnings anticipated. I guess you can call it an "online diary". I might slip on a joke or two from time to time but just remember, we don't talk about the corny ones okay? Hopefully, this newfound habit is gonna stick (lol will it really though?). Let's surprise each other 😉

Your online friend who misses tight hugs and warm affection so much already, DA

[albatris]

T for the oc asks?

hey! thanks for the ask! I think I have two T characters that I can remember and I have another T in my inbox so…… as per usual I’m gonna start with the easier one hahaha

which would be Tris, much to the surprise of……… no one, probably?

also, obligatory apology for the lengthy rambles

I swear not all my responses will be like this ok

I just don’t know how to, like.......... shhh, ever

Full name: Tristan James Greer, n like. as mentioned in a previous ask he and his older brother Jacob share a middle name because of just. incredibly stupid reasons. both in terms of canon explanation and Me As A Writer explanations

Nicknames, if any: technically I guess “Tris” is the nickname, although it would be more accurate to say that “Tris” is his name and “Tristan” is a word he is entirely divorced from and will not respond to, unless you’re one of his two siblings, or his parents using A Certain Tone Of Voice, or sometimes Shara who forgets, or legal forms, or it's pertinent to a joke he'd like to make

Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Ace, definitely at least a little bi, not that it ever really comes up in a major way in-story. Like, could definitely be argued he had a crush on Kai when they first became friends, but like. who knows whether that was legitimate romantic attraction or whether he was just so unbelievably caught off guard by someone being genuinely interested in and nice to him that it immediately crashed his entire emotional system and caused his brain to short-circuit. could go either way. also who of the atdao gang DOESN'T have at least a slight crush on Kai, probably

A song I associate with them: How about five instead!! Good Tris tunes include but are in no way limited to: “Boys Will Be Bugs” by Cavetown, “Sloom” by Of Monsters and Men, “If This Ship Sinks (I Give In)” by Birds of Tokyo (melodramatic edgy Tris vibes), “Monsters” by The Boy Least Likely To and “The Future’s Right In Front Of Me” by A Great Big World

3 important relationships:

Okay so first off would be Noa, his best friend of an amount of years that I always just fucking make up because I can never remember. More than 3 and less than 7. Anyway these two only started hanging round each other ‘cause it was mutually beneficial, ‘cause kids are mean and they eventually twigged that they were less likely to be targeted as a pair than on their own, but pretty soon they were like "oh wait hey you're actually a nice person and I genuinely enjoy ur company and we make a good team" and their friendship grew from there n now they're bros.

honestly I have like seven hyperspecific rambles in my drafts about Tris and Noa's friendship n how they relate to each other could honestly talk abt both of them for hours

in terms of Tris I will say that Noa is part of the extremely extremely small group of people that he's generally willing to trust completely with zero strings attached, which is like. sure something. n she's someone he generally considers a touchstone of reality and someone he can rely on when he can't necessarily trust his own perceptions. also she's someone who is a half-decent opponent at upside down Mario Kart which is a plus

and also, Jacob, arguably the most important person in Tris's life, someone he thinks the world of and considers his biggest role model. like. not in terms of Jacob's intelligence or success or how hard he's worked n all the reasons their parents think he's the ideal Tris should be striving for, just in terms of like. the sort of person he wants to be, someone kind and well-liked and fun, someone with a good heart, which is super corny now that I write it. Cool. Great. Cool. Tris did not have a lot of super great adult role models growing up 'cause his parents are a nightmare and most teachers found him frustrating beyond belief, nor did he have a lot of friends being a weird neurodivergent kid lmao, so his relationship with both his siblings but especially Jacob has been one of the only sources of stability and genuine warmth and connection through most of his life

so I mean basically he pretty much thinks of Jacob as Literally The Coolest Person In The Entire World which is funny because Jacob is just a complete dweeb

n then thirdly. I mean. parents, again much for the same reasons as I listed in Jacob's post. controlling, emotionally distant, impossible standards, more concerned with maintaining a perfect image than any of their kids' actual wellbeing, blah blah

Jacob is currently the only Greer sib who has any real grasp on exactly HOW unhealthy their relationship with their parents is? Tris has a whole thing going on in the story where he's kinda juuust starting to come to grips with things and work through some of his complicated feelings towards his parents and reconcile the ideas of "I love these people" and "these people kind of really truly genuinely fucked me up and none of what happened to me was normal or my fault and I'm going to be untangling the repercussions for a long time" and how both these things can be true for him at the same time

also Jacob's like thirteen years older than Tris I feel like I forgot to mention this here

I'm tired, yeah

2 fears:

1. everything

2. literally everything are you kidding me. weird birds. diseases. public transport. dying. sudden change. loud noises. crowds. hot weather. roadworks. natural disasters. people walking behind him. it'd be easier to list the things he's not afraid of. it's a miracle he leaves the house at all

ok those aren't good answers ummmm let's see

here's one: being somehow responsible for harm coming to the people he cares about, being the cause of something that directly hurts someone else, etc. etc. in broad general terms, but also in terms of intrusive thoughts and in terms of delusions/hallucinations that sometimes wander into the realm of threats, orders, "do this thing or your best friend will die horribly", kind of thing. so. the stress that he's going to disobey something or misinterpret something and his loved ones being punished for it....... all of that

1 element of their backstory:

his parents once tried to have him exorcised as a child and he’s only just now beginning to realise this was a "legitimately fucked-up experience” not “haha relatable childhood hijinks”

also on a lighter note he insists to Shara that this makes him immune to demons and she is fairly certain this is not how it works at all, but neither of them can technically prove it's NOT how it works without actively trying to get Tris murdered by demons, and while this DOES sound like a fun after-school activity, both their parents said no

anyway cool that's it from me! I'm not going back to edit this at all! I don't remember what I wrote even slightly! I'm going to bed! I should have probably picked a more fun backstory fact! The one I chose is horrible! Goodnight!

[nightwving]

i was tagged by @mollyweasly​ to answer these questions, tysm!! i did most of them the other night but got distracted and am posting them now lmao

1. on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? idk, i’ll say maybe a 7 or so? honestly i’m feeling pretty decent for the first time in a while

2. describe yourself in a hashtag? #ohfuck

3. if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? that’s tough... i would never want to actually subject anyone to the horror or doing that with me, but i guess either tom holland or sebastian stan??

4. if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? “a juxtaposed comedic disaster”

5. what’s one thing people don’t know about you? shit man i usually overshare pretty much everything, but i guess one thing would be that i got hit straight in the head by a golf ball while on a course with my parents when i was in middle school?? it came from way far out but miraculously didn’t seem to crack my skull or give me too bad of a concussion. my dad said it hit so hard that it sounded like it hit the pavement. now i have severe anxiety near golf courses and when things are flying near my head in general lmfao

6. what’s your wake up ritual? i check my phone real quick and then immediately go to pee and brush my teeth. depending on the day and whether or not i’d be late for class back when things were normal, i might shower lol. then either get dressed real quick and go to class or, these days, play video games or get on my computer

7. what’s your go to bed ritual? i’ll usually wrap up whatever i’m doing, make sure my fan is on, lock my door (when i’m at school), strip, take some melatonin, lay down, set my alarm, plug in and then get on my phone for a while until i (hopefully) get sleepy

8. what’s your favorite time of day? i love the evening around sunset or so but i also just love the night in general, especially when things get quiet in the am

9. your go to for having a good laugh? tiktok

10. dream country to visit? ummm... honestly canada 😂 or germany or something

11. what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? last spring i spontaneously won an award in the department that i work for at school because my friends insisted that i get one for all the work i do on the newspaper and for my work study and stuff. they had to work some stuff around because i’m not actually a major and that’s who the awards are for, but they all agreed to give it to me at the ceremony and i was NOT expecting it whatsoever. it was one of the most amazing moments ever especially since i struggle with finding a niche and having faith in myself

12. heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers!!

13. vintage or new? i love vintage but that shit can be hard for me to find

14. who do you want to write your obituary? probably a friend idk i feel like my family would say some dumb corny shit lmao

15. style icon? i have quite a few but slash or duff mckagan from 80s GNR would be a couple ok don’t judge me. and john bender from the breakfast club

16. what are three things you cannot live without? internet, my ps4, and friends

17. what’s one ingredient you put in everything? chili or garlic powder

18. what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? i don’t even make dinner for myself lmao but if i really had the motivation, probs stan lee, carrie fisher, and my tiny son josh bassett

19. what’s your biggest fear in life? being institutionalized against my will and/or death before i’m ready/feel like i’ve done something worthwhile.

20. window or aisle seat? depends tbh

21. what’s your current tv obsession? i’m not really on a kick with it right now, but i’m slowly making my way through the clone wars in chronological order.

22. favorite app? tiktok

23. secret talent? uhh... i guess a lot of people would assume that i’m not athletic because of my weight but i’m actually naturally pretty sporty and can still be when i really feel like it

24. most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? well i’ve tried to summon spirits in multiple different places, attempted to break into an asylum with my ex, done a pregnancy test with an old friend in a burger king bathroom... idk if those count as “adventurous” but that’s about all i got as of right now in my life

25. how would you define yourself in three words? eclectic, resilient, and real

26. favorite piece of clothing you own? my denim jacket

27. a must have clothing item that everyone should have? also denim jacket lol

28. a superpower you would want? i debate this often... i think shapeshifting would be cool but also telekinesis

29. what’s inspiring you in life right now? movies and stuff i guess

30. best piece of advice you’ve received? probably that it’s okay to do things at your own pace and to not be so hard on yourself when you aren’t doing things the same way as others

31. best advice you’d give your teenage self? wear some better fuckin clothes lmao

32. a book everyone should read? bruh idk i don’t really read anymore, harry potter i guess 😂

33. what would you like to be remembered for? being honest and real but also someone that would’ve been there for you, or to have a good laugh with

34. how do you define beauty? beauty is like something that fills you with wonder and a sense of life or something

35. what do you love most about your body? uh... i have nice legs i guess 😂

36. best way to take a rest/decompress? find something that distracts you and makes you forget about all the shit. get lost in another world in movies/music/etc or just laugh with someone about anything

37. favorite place to view art? i like seeing it in the studios at school when people are still working on it

38. if your life was a song, what would the title be? “somethin’ else”

39. if you could master one instrument, what would it be? ugh i would love to be a full blow pianist but i ain’t got the patience for that. i made it through a few periods of lessons throughout my life and three classes in college but i don’t have the capacity to do more than that. but i would also love to get even better with my voice. i’ve been taking classical lessons for the past couple of years but quit recently because of the anxiety that studio recitals and master classes give me. music major shit is rough

40. if you had a tattoo, where would it be? i have one janky one behind my right ear that i got when i was 16, it’s a bird. but if i wasn’t a fatass bitch, i’d like to get more in different places on my body

41. dolphins or koalas? dolphins

42. what’s your spirit animal? it used to be a coyote according to a quiz years ago lol but it’s probably something different now

43. best gift you’ve ever received? probs my shitty first car that my dad got me last summer. but it’s a hell of a lot better than nothing

44. best gift you’ve given? shit i can’t even remember. i love doing personal little gifts for my friends. ACTUALLY i’d probably say the playlist i made for my friend last christmas because listening to music late at night was our thing

45. what’s your favorite board game? secret hitler is the BOMB

46. what’s your favorite color? yellow

47. least favorite color? probs brown

48. diamond or pearls? diamonds

49. drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore bitch, i’m broke

50. blow-dry or air-dry? air dry preferably but i’ll blow dry if i need to

51. pilates or yoga? neither lmao

52. coffee or tea? coffee unless it’s sweet tea

53. what’s the weirdest word in the english language? all of them

54. dark chocolate or milk chocolate? dark

55. stairs or elevators? elevators bih i got bad knees

56. summer or winter? winter, FUCK the sun

57. you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? potatoes

58. a dessert you don’t like? a lot of things, i eat like a picky five year old. but i don’t like anything minty

59. a skill you’re working on mastering? singing. but also design-y stuff and videography

60. best thing to happen to you today? i went on a short walk with my mom earlier and there’s always a man across the street from us who sits on his porch every evening and sings with his guitar. i love it

61. worst thing to happen to you today? sitting through my zoom class lmao

62. best compliment you’ve ever received? idk, just when someone has generally called me beautiful? that makes me feel really nice

63. favorite smell? i love the smell of cookies or brownies in the oven. i’m also weird af and love strange things like basement smell and gasoline. also sharpies

64. hugs or kisses? hugs probably

65. if you made a documentary, would it be about? idk probably something about a niche community/town or some cult-y shit

66. last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? avengers: endgame

67. lipstick or lipgloss? i don’t usually wear either very much but probably lipstick

68. sweet or savory? savory

69. girl crush? ana de armas or margot robbie

70. how do you know your in love? i feel like you’d do anything for that person even if it hurt you, and you think about them all the time and want to protect/be there for them

71. a song you can listen to on repeat? i usually avoid listening to things on repeat, but if i had to choose something... idk maybe africa by toto 😂

72. if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? probs someone like elon musk or bill gates to see what it’s like to be that fucking rich and successful

73. what are you most excited for about this time in your life? just enjoying it and maybe honing some skills with all this extra time. also watching some movies on my watchlist

i’m tagging @verafarmiga, @northuldrra, @tmhnks, @spaceoddly, @breaksfastclub, and anyone else who wants to do it!! but feel free to ignore or just laugh at my answers

[flowrxchild]

I was tagged by the sweet @moonchildwildheart thanks lovey! I love these kinds of tags they’re so much fun!! ❤️

What was the last thing you read?

My study notes for an essay T-T

Favourite movie?

Moonrise Kingdom!

Favourite book?

It’s been the Goldfinch for a long time but as of recently I’ve fallen in love with Jenny Slate’s Little Weirds

Dream date?

Ouu like a picnic or stargazing of something like that. Laying face down in the mud under a full moon could be romantic if you rlly think about it.

Do you have a crush?

I don’t think there’s been a moment of my waking life that I havnt...

What are your hobbies?

I love to paint! I used do a lot of art but life’s kept me really busy as of recently and I don’t get to do it as much as I’d like :(

What’s your favourite time of day?

Late afternoon/golden hour! Ik it’s corny but it’s so pretty how could you not be in love???

If you could look like anything, what would you look like?

The Celestial Seasonings Sleetime Tea bear. That’s literally all I want for myself.

Are you romantic?

*leans dramatically on a staircase clutching my forehead* yes.

What’s your favourite type of weather?

Warm and lightly breezy. The opposite of whatever hell it is now in Canada...

What do you like talking about?

Movies and music always. I’m obviously a dork about it.

What are your turn ons?

Attentive affection like when someone touches you when they talk to you or eye contact I’m like 👁👄👁

Turn offs?

Rudeness. If someone’s mean or pushy yuck

If you got a tattoo what would it be and where would you get it?

I have a lot of stick and pokes everywhere that are super random lol but if I had to get an official one it’d probably be something floral on my arm?? I’m too indecisive to be a tattoo person :/

Do you have any pets?

I have a stinker of a black cat named Odin and he’s the loveliest boy to ever be

Dream job?

Something in the film industry...still to be determined

Dream place to live?

In the country? I’ve lived in a big city all my life and I’ve always wanted to be somewhere quieter and more serene

Dream vacation?

I don’t really know tbh...I love traveling anywhere so any trip would be a dream!

Do you have any piercings?

My ears and my cartilage. Used to have my septum but rip to her :(

If you had kids, what would you name them?

I really don’t know I always feel like the only person who doesn’t have a list I think...

What are your best traits?

My sense of humour has gotten me through a lot...Something bad will happen and I am forced to laugh in its face. Call it what it is: big goblin energy...Also I cherish my artistic eye aahasksk

Worst traits?

I’m a horribly distracted person lmao which makes me maybe the worlds worst reciever of information... I’ve been called flightly and disinterested because of it :( im also super anxious and i let it get the best of me sometimes...

What’s your worst fear?

Losing the people I love. Not being able to experience certain things.

What do you want to eat right now?

Im always craving brownies. I could eat a brownie rn I would not complain.

What’s your best vacation you’ve ever been on?

I’ve not traveled a ton but I went to London when I was 16 and I loved every minute of it!

Favourite city?

Gotta be biased and say my home Toronto! Even though I complain about it a lot, it’s raised me well!

Favourite social media platform?

Tumblr and twitter for sure! They’re kind of addictive

Favourite article of clothing?

Right now, it’s my black turtleneck. Gotta love a classic turtleneck ammirite?

Do you play any sports?

Bold of you to assume my bones are able to carry my akward ass in any other form besides walking. When I was a kid my parents forced me to play soccer and I literally used to lay in the field and pretend I was too sick to stand. Like during the game. The melodrama has not toned down since.

Favourite meal of the day?

Dinner I guess? It’s got the most yumminess possibility. The yummy levels are over 9000

What are you excited for?

Christmas break! This semester is beating my ass and I can’t wait for it to no longer be

Not excited for?

My finals.

When was the last time you cried?

Last night over the amount of work I had to do LOL

Dream house?

Omg a cabin or like a cottage home!! uGh itd be a dream!! Jus me and the trees

What’s something you hate about the world?

Injustice, prejudice and ignorance. I have no tolerance for it and there seems to be a lot of it. Wish a lot more people would just have less hate in them.

What’s something you love about the world?

It’s beauty!! Even outside of things that make me frustrated or terrified, the world always shows us reasons to love and reasons to live and I gotta remember that!

What scents do you like?

I love spicy “musky” smells lol I wear a unisex perfume cuz I love warmer smelling stuff like vanilla etc..

What kind of sleeper are you?

Not a good one ahahsjssk

Are you a cat or dog person?

Typically, I’m a dog person but I love cats just the same!

How long would you survive in a zombie apocalypse?

Literally like a couple hours I’d see a singular zombie and immediately fart and die from fear 😔✊🏻

Are you trusting?

I think so? But I have a really strong intuition when it comes to people so i give trust where it’s due

What fictional character do you identify with?

Idk this is a hard one I’m never good at picking one for myself lol

What labels do you commonly get?

I get sensitive a lot.. especially when I was little and I used to hate it cuz I used to see the negative in it but I think us sensitive people have got to start using it as a strength! (And maybe people should be less mean also ahshag)

What song would be your life anthem?

This is another hard one but I guess just my fave song: Jimi Hendrix’ Voodoo Chile?

What issues are you dealing with rn?

Erm school and being anxious I guess...schools been stressing me out and it’s hard going to class when you’re just terrified of everything but I’m working on it so 💩

How can someone win you over?

Literally just be nice I am not hard to win over Loool

What’s something about you people don’t know?

I don’t really talk about it a ton but I’m adhd and was diagnosed super late in life so I spent most of my childhood and teens thinking that I was just a spaz who had a lot to think about but my brain was straight up goofing the whole time lmao I’m slowly starting to learn to cope with it but it’s been a tough journey especially being in uni and trying to do adult things. So I’m sending a hug to anyone else who also suffers because it is not an easy ride <3

I’d like to tag (and ik this is a long one so feel free to ingnore me if u don’t want to) @cantbehandled-ever @satans-helper @seven-seas-of-hi @karrotkate @v-i-d-e-n-o-i-r @lazingonsunday @thatflowerpower @eatmyshiftsticky @shes-outta-sight @pvre-mourning @aint-no-denying @dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade ⭐️✨⭐️✨⭐️✨

[thehomierobbstark]

Let’s Talk About Sex

Chapter 2 Intermission Chapter 3

Pairing: Erik Killmonger x Reader [#TeamErikDon’tDateWhiteChicks]

Prompt: Aight, so iOKnoW bout yall but… I got some mad ‘fears’ about sex 😂😂😂. I got so many questions, so many horrible imaginations, so many embarrassing ass scenarios I’ve thought of in my head about what might happen when I finally do the do. Basically, ya girl been thankin (thinking) too much, and I done fucked around and thought up this shit. HUUUUGEEE shoutout to the BP groupchat for not only always keeping me entertained but for feelin me on this fic lmao. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feel this way. Also shoutout to Poosy for her word contribution lmao.

A/N:  Ya’ll…. this really the shit that be going thru my mind lmfao like this really what I think about XD. I tried color coding the dialogue because I thought it would be too confusing but then I failed so fuck it XD. Also, it may seem like some of the words are grammatically incorrect or misspelled n the dialogue but it’s because I wanted you to read it like you would a text or message to better understand the delivery.

Warnings: At the bottom 👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿n uhhhhh yeah sit back and enjoy the journey 😂😂😂😂

This is for all my lil cute ass black gorditas out there rockin back fat, belly rolls and thick ass thighs that touch!!  x Reader is always gon be black, chubby, and sassy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okayyy… you ready?”

“Yeah, I’m ready.” You fidget nervously, fingers sweating between the joints, your heart skipping beats while you keep your eyes locked with Erik’s.

“Alright on three. One…two…three!”

At the same time, both of you flip over your papers, holding them out in front of you to show each other.

Your eyes eagerly scan over Erik’s paper, mind quickly gobbling up all the information the printed form had to offer you.

Your brain checked off each result as it read through:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patient: STEVENS, ERIK        Gender: MALE        Age: 26       DOB: 08/16/1992

COMPREHENSIVE STD PANEL RESULTS:

CHLAMYDIA                                    NEGATIVE

GONORRHEA                                  NEGATIVE

HIV TYPE 1                                      NON -REACTIVE

HIV  TYPE 2                                     NON -REACTIVE

HERPES TYPE 1                              NEGATIVE

HERPES TYPE 2                              NEGATIVE

SYPHILIS RPR                                 NEGATIVE

HEPATITIS A VIRUS ANITBODY      NON -REACTIVE

HEPATITIS B VIRUS ANTIBODY      NON -REACTIVE

HEPATITIS C VIRUS ANTIBODY      NON -REACTIVE

Thank you for choosing Planned Parenthood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A huge sigh of relief releases from your chest, sounding like a gush of wind as it escapes through your lips.

“Oh okay, so thats how u feel,” Erik griped, giving you a side eye look.

You ignore him, not even bothering to look for his reaction at your results, knowing they were all negative like you both knew they’d be.

Just as quickly as it left, your anxiety came rearing back as you snatched his test from his hands to take a closer look, eyes wide. “Wait! What does Non - Reactive mean?!”

“So you just gon ignore me then.”

“That means negative right? Where’s my phone!” your hands swing out to the sides to blindly feel around the couch before scooping up your device.

“-_____- really.”

“Okay! Okay, google says a non-reactive result means…” You mumbled over the quick-definition google supplied as you looked for the important bits, scanning between the paper and your phone. “ … and that no anti-bodies were found! So no!”

“Omg.”

You do a little happy dance as you double check to make sure all five tests define non reactive in the same way while Erik rolls his eyes.

“Y/N you fr googled that.”

“Yes nigga! Sexual health is important and I wanna make sure I’m clear and confident in my understanding of the results!”

“Okay, well, you makin a nigga feel bad n shit gettin all worried over his test results. What, you don’t trust me baby?” Erik looks at you, and his face is pouted downcast, almost looking like a adorably sad pitbull.

“Aww baby no!” You deny, immediately throwing your arms around him to comfort him, pecking his forehead with annoying kisses as you smush his face into your chest. He grumbly accepts your kisses, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“But I mean…. you was kinda a thotpocket back in the day tho..” You joke, shrugging, and he playfully pushes you back and sucks his teeth.

“Mann stfu.  You just acting all extra cuz your body count lower.”

“Erik, for the last time, I’ve never had sex before.” You say, crossing your arms to help your statement seem more serious than you felt. Erik was always messing with you, saying he couldn’t believe that you’d never had sex before at 25, and that there was just no way.

“Nah.” He states simply.

Your neck reels back a little bit.

“Wachu mean Nah??” You get ready to defend your undefiled past and the normalcy of 20+ virgins when he leans forward to nibble on your neck, distracting you.

“I mean..” He pulls your waist against him and reaches back to grab two handfuls of ass as he keeps nibbling.

“…nah, ain’t no fuckin way you this damn fine and you ain’t ever had nobody at least worship for hours between these thighs.” He rubs all over you, fingers gliding across the beautiful curves and body rolls that covered your voluptuous frame as he presses hungry kisses with delicious pressure against your throat.

“Nigga, you’re corny as fuck.” you try to insult him, but he gives a fat wet lick right above your collarbone that feels so good, and he squeezes your ass at the breathy moan that slips out of your mouth.

He pauses his ministrations on your body and pulls back from you, chuckling and shaking his head a little before resting his forehead against yours.

“What?” You ask him, thinking he’s poking fun at you. While you may have technically been a virgin, you and Erik had definitely been routinely messing around a lot.

In between your latest heavy petting and make out sessions, Erik had a bet going to see how quickly he could get you to moan without sticking his hands down your pants. He bet 30 seconds, you bet 45. So far you hadn’t been able to make it past 38.

“You’re the horniest, freakiest, yet most innocent virgin I’ve ever met.”

A part of you wanted to ask just how many virgins he’d met, but you decided to nip your jealous possessive side in the bud before it could get the better of you. It wasn’t time for her right now.

He leans back to look you in the face, his eyes pulling at the corners exposing the teasing smile he was trying to hide.

“Umm excuse me?! What do you mean innocent? If I recall correctly, didn’t I just have you creaming your bitch ass pants the other week from just grinding on you?” You throw at him, triumphantly crossing your arms and looking down at him.

“Why they gotta be bitch ass tho.”

When you’re heavy petting session last week had suddenly turned into a full blown dry grinding competition, Erik had been so caught off guard by the intensity he actually came all over himself inside his brand new black velvet joggers he’d just bought (in your defense, the velvet did feel really nice against the thong you had on).

The bewildered look on his face made you laugh so hard, you actually keeled over and fell off the arm of the couch.  He was over it at that point, storming off to the bathroom muttering threats about ‘getting that ass back,”, hence the bet you were currently losing.

“Also, lets not act like you not the same girl who can’t even watch male masturbation videos without making a face.”

“First of all there’s nothing sexy about seeing a dude jack off, so you can stop right there.”

“That’s because you’ve never seen ME jack off.” He jokes crudely. “Bet money I’d have your mouth watering within the first five strokes.”

“Probably watering because I’m bout to throw up,” You giggle childishly, a goofy grin on your face.

“Aight Y/N, you keep talking all that shit and we gon see who really still bout that action once I get them panties off.”

Your giggles come to a screeching halt as you gasp, and he buries his teeth in the side of your neck, his hands starting to wonder down south into the back of your compression shorts.  

You fight hard not to moan again this time while he chews lightly on your neck when you suddenly start to feel self conscious.

You unconsciously start squirming around on top of him, both in pleasure and slight confusion as he massages your cheeks, one in each hand, pulling and scrunching them between his fingers.  Your anxiety starts to slowly creep back up on you, and when he draws a line with his finger down your panties between your cheeks, you involuntarily clench up and yelp just as he reaches your taint. The feeling was stuck somewhere being too good yet too much at the same time. You damn near squeezed his finger to death before it could even reach its destination.

“Okay look,” you pull back, trying to reason with both him and your body. You didn’t mean to get jumpy all of a sudden but it’s like your muscles had a mind of their own.

“Baby wassup?” He immediately stops his movements and pulls his hands from you. “Did I hurt you?!” He immediately switched over from his sexually deviant demeanor to his overprotective one, concern lining his face.

“No, no baby your fine I’m just,” You blow out a breath, a little embarrassed by how twitchy you just got, and you try to shake it off by laughing at yourself.

It’s not like Erik had never groped you there before, but for some reason it felt 10x more serious now that you both basically had the green light since you’d received your test results back.

You knew both of you would almost immediately try to jump each other’s bones once you’d get the chance, but now that it was here it’s like the part of your brain that was previously occupied with worries of false negatives and unclear test results had been replaced with insecurities you didn’t even realize you had until this very moment.

“What? You good?” Erik was still studying your face, trying to see where your head was at.

“Yeah, yeah, no I’m good,” You close your eyes and nod quickly, “I just…umm…”, you’re face grows hot as you try to get out the next words, “.. I just got a little…. nervous…??” You peek an eye open. “I guess???”

You were trying so hard to relax and let go of your anxiety, but you just couldn’t stop feeling so nervous.  Especially not when you started to worry about what he might think about it.

“Can I uh.. maybe take a shower first? Or something?” You said trying to gear the conversation back into a normal flow. If you could just take a shower real quick…

“Yeah, of course, but what’s this about?” He still looked at you, eyeing you cautiously.

“I just don’t feel clean right now,” you say, making up excuses trying to find a way out of his wandering hands.

“Y/N, I just finished rubbing your clit in the car ride over here, what do you mean you’re not clean? Are you worried that I’m worried about that?” he asks you, not believing you’re serious about this.

“I meannn, it’s been like 30 minutes tho.” You lie.

“Y/N, I don’t care about that. I’m tryna see how you taste now and then. I don’t care if you still have cum on you, I’m eating that too.”

“Okay well I have to go to the bathroom, so..” You try to move off of him and onto the floor but he holds you still, not letting you escape.

Erik sighs. “Y/N, whats really goin on? It’s okay, you can tell me.” His eyes shift between yours like he’s trying to find the answer. “If you’re not ready to have sex yet, that’s okay. We don’t have to do this today baby.” He rubs at your legs tenderly, trying to comfort you.

“No, it’s not that, I just…” He raises his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for your next words. “I wanted to shave first. Because I have hair.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Shave? I just felt how trimmed you were-”

“Not that part.” You state plainly, hoping he’d catch your drift but have enough decency not to make it too obvious once he did.

“Y/N, I swear to god if you say legs I’m gonna-”

“Oh my God Erik my asshole, okay! I need to shave my asshole!” Your face is burning now from the embarrassment of having to say that out loud to your boyfriend and you feel like melting right into the couch into a puddle of nothingness.

The silence only lasts two seconds, but its one second too long for you and you try and scramble off his lap to go hide in the bathroom in shame. A gigantic bark of laughter breaks through from Erik’s chest, and it scares the life out of you, causing you to accidentally stumble onto the floor.

Erik’s doubled over in laughter now, tears threatening his eyes and you almost think he’s laughing at you when he rolls off the couch after you, laying his heavy body on top of yours and pinning you to the floor to keep you from getting away. He gets his last bits of laughter out with his face buried in your middle, and when he finally calms down he looks up, resting his chin on your torso.

“Y/N,” He states, looking at you.

“Erik.” you answer, avoiding his eyes.

“Y/N.” He leans in closer to you.

You clear your throat, still looking off somewhere else. “What Erik.”

“Do you really honestly think that some ass hair is gonna gross me out. Do you really think that?” He’s still smiling, looking at you with so much amusement and pure love in his eyes.

When he puts it that way, it makes you feel a little ridiculous thinking about how weird you just got over body hair.

“I mean… kinda?” You say honestly, and you finally look back at him.

“I know it seems stupid but I feel like thats not..”

“Normal?” He supplies for you. You nod your head in agreement.

“Baby,” he softly says, “Ass hair is totally normal. You know that.”

You did. “But I still feel like no one ever talks about it, and you never see it in porn. Not even the homemade ones.” Yeah sure it was normal but it still felt like this dirty ugly thing no one was supposed to speak about.

“Babygirl a lot of people have ass hair. Shit, I have ass hair. Most of the girls I’ve been with had ass hair.” He chuckles again a little, comfortable with the topic you were so afraid was gonna be awkward.

Your ears prick up at his last sentence, and you lean up a little bit. Something he said caught your attention and you looked at him intently.

“Really?” You ask, looking him in the eyes.

“Really what?” He looks at you confused.

“Really, most of the girls you’ve been with had ass hair?” You look up at him, so shocked.

“Yeah. And the ones who didn’t were always waxed anyway. I promise you baby, its not a weird thing.” He assures you, trying to make sure you really understood him.

You sat there for a second, looking off into space as your thoughts started working. And then just like that, your mind all but cleared itself as realization finally dawned on you. And you started laughing.

Not a single part of you could really care how many chicks Erik had slept with, you were just so glad that almost all of them had ass hair just like you did. You were honestly so grateful that he told you that last part, otherwise you would have never been sure whether or not you really believed him when he said it didn’t bother him.

In this one, small, truly insignificant instance with Erik, you were for once really glad you weren’t an exception to the rule.

Erik joins in your humble laughter, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. You close your eyes and kiss back, returning it with softer slower kisses as you wrap your arms around his neck and hold him close.

After a minute he breaks away, letting his forehead rest against yours.

“I really love you Y/N. And the fact that you want me to be the one to share this experience with you makes me feel really lucky,”. He rolls you both over onto your side on the floor, giving your body a break from his heavy frame, and to be able to look at you better.

“I’d never jeopardize what we have for something as trivial as body hair.  I mean, sometimes I still can’t even believe that I really get to call you all mine, and I just refuse to believe that nobody else has been able to see what’s been so obvious to me from the beginning.”

Erik shuffles around nervously under your gaze, and this time he’s the one trying to avoid your eyes. You could tell he was in a really vulnerable state, not only from his body language but also with how he was trying to verbally express himself. It was always really difficult for the both of you to say how you felt about each other, not because you didn’t know the words, but because for some reason they always seemed to sound wrong in your ears once they came out your mouth.

You, however, knew exactly what he was trying to say, because he’d said it before. Not with words, but with actions.

Ever since Erik met you a year ago he’d done just about everything he could think of to let you know that he was all about you. Constant flirting, unexpected phone calls, surprise gifts to let you know he was thinking of you. It had thrown you off at first because you’d never been in a relationship before, so you couldn’t figure out if he was playing with you or not.

It took three whole months of nearly daily texting, dinner dates, late night car drives and ugly pre-work facetime calls (he swears you always looked beautiful, but the never ending eye crust you were always finding kept you second guessing) for you to finally take him seriously.

After a long conversation with yourself about taking chances and ‘trusting the universe’, you let yourself fall head first into the completely new experience of a relationship with Erik. You were determined to come out the other side just as soft and open-hearted as you were going into it, refusing to let whatever experience you had turn you cold to the idea of romantic love.

And so far, the experience had been everything you could’ve hoped for, and so much more.

Sure, there were bad days, and you were still too stubborn and he was too bossy and you both definitely needed to learn to listen more. But you were sohappy. And for the first time, you felt something with him you hadn’t been able to feel in a really long time. You felt secure.

So Erik didn’t need to say anything else, because you already knew exactly what he what he was trying to say.

He shifted his eyes again, about to open his mouth to try again and clarify when you cup his face in your hand, running a thumb over his lips to shush him.

“It’s okay Erik. I know.”

And you did.

The truth was, before him, you’d never really let anyone get close enough to try and be with you in a romantic way. You were always brushing off advances you thought were too good to be true and downplaying the other person’s feelings, no matter how hard you felt yours.  For a long time you thought that maybe you weren’t supposed to end up with anyone at all, and that your life journey was supposed to be about learning how to be on your own instead or something.

While you didn’t consider romance to be a super important part of life, you always wondered if maybe there was something that you were missing out on. You almost felt broken sometimes, like maybe there was just something about you that made you unworthy of being loved and cherished the way you saw your friends and family being by their significant others.

It took a lot of hard work and self reflection for you to finally get away from your negative thoughts, and you still struggled from time to time, but you were doing a lot better.

Being with Erik didn’t solve your problems, or cure your self doubt, or make you feel ‘complete’, but it did make you feel really warm and safe inside, and neither of you were willing to give up that feeling.

So he was right. He really did get to call you all his in every sense of the word. You took a chance on love, and you were lucky enough to fall into it with someone who shared just as much passion as you did. You’d be crazy not to give something like that your all.

Both of you lay there on the floor, looking into each others eyes with a level of understanding and comfort you weren’t sure you’d ever be able to truly explain. He holds your hand drawing heart shapes into your palm, the only sound being your favorite Spotify playlist that you didn’t realize was playing off in the background somewhere.

You’d been working on that playlist since before you even met Erik, song choices ranging from early 70′s love songs to present day baby makers. It was your sex playlist.  Even if you weren’t in the mood most of your favorite songs were on there.

“When did it start playing music?” your eyebrows furrow in confusion, peeking around for the source of the speakers.

“When I was trying to seduce your jumpy ass on the couch,” he answers matter-of-factly.

“N’Jadaka Stevens, were you trying to woo me?!” You tease him, poking at his stomach trying to tickle him a little bit.

He suck his teeth, caught. “Ok, maybe I was. So what?’

“Awww…” you say dramatically, making a show of it. You pause for a second “… gay ass.”

He laughs, mushing your face away, grinning like a little boy.

“Whatever. Shut your goofy ass up and come over here and lose this bet again.” He says, fake annoyed, and gets up to sit back on the couch, pulling you with him. You settle into his lap, resting your arms in place around his shoulders.

He starts placing soft kisses on your shoulders, starting off slowly. You already knew how this was gonna go and you throw your head back, whining.

“Ugh, I’m tired of losing this game dammit,” You huff to cover up the moan you already felt creeping up your throat. “Can’t we just skip to the fun part pleasee?”

You amp it up a little by plastering on an obnoxiously toothy smile, and he purposely ignores you to keep from faltering under your heart-melting grin.

“Mmmm…” He fake thinks about it for a moment, moving his lips up to the crook of your neck to tickle you with the vibrations. “No.”

Before you even get the chance to pout he scoops up your face in his hand, squeezing a little to make your lips poke out cutely.

“Nuh-uh. Don’t even start that shit.” He deadpans. “If you want me to fuck you, you need to open up your mouth and say it.  Otherwise sit back and hush and let me warm up my dinner.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Warnings: A lil cheesy, a lil corny, a lil cliché, a lil fluffy. Just a lil of errthang XD. Also! Dare I say… romance?!?! (O.o)

Oh yeah this is a new series. Did I forget to mention that?

“Homie, how tf you gonna make a whole new series and you can’t even finish the ones you ha-”

Hush now child.

[taenys]

“does it bother you that i’m still friends with *insert ex’s name here*”

oof. wasn’t ready for that one. my brain shut down the moment he said it. the way it shuts down whenever he mentions talking to her. yes, it does bother me that he’s still friends with his ex, but not for the reasons he probably thinks and not for any reasons i felt i could share during the car ride home (honestly probably a better discussion to have in writing, i might cry in person lmao). it’s not because i’m stupid and jealous and feel "threatened.”

it’s because a few weeks ago i made the grave error of snooping deeper into her facebook, and seeing a link to her personal writing blog. i too am a writer, a poor one yes, but still. and so i wanted to see her own work, torture myself and see what kind of romantic sonnets she may have written while she was with tom. i figured they’d be beautiful. and what can i say, i love to suffer.

anyways, i went back to 2010 on her blogspot, to when they first started dating and i saw?? nothing about him? nothing about her feelings for him? which freaked me out because why wouldn’t she document her journey falling in love with tom. i mean, i certainly have on my own blog. all she wrote about was about her ex. romantic stuff about missing said ex. did i have my dates mixed up maybe? no, no. because then there was a post where she literally says she’s still in love with her ex while she’s with tom and how she knows that makes her a shitty girlfriend. um yeah. very fucking shitty. did tom know this going in? i know tom dropped everything and moved across the country for her (he told me that before), but did he do that knowing she felt this way? did he sacrifice so much of himself knowing she loved someone else? if so, why? i have to assume she was tom’s “great love,” you know? that one “epic” love of your life that presumably only happens once. which is why he was willing to do seemingly ANYTHING for her.

when i think about it now, i can’t picture tom being that way. he’s too mature and sensible now. i have to assume he learned a lot from that relationship, and a lot of his outlook on dating has shifted over the years as a result. his dating profile had something like “i’m not looking for someone to ‘complete’ me” and emphasized that he’s perfectly happy on his own. that’s definitely not the same person who dropped his whole life, school, work, family, friends, and moved across the country to be with the girl he loved...that’s the kinda shit you read in cheesy teen romance novels and corny movies (that i love, btw). but still, it was a lot. and he did that for her without hesitation. and just purely based on her personal blog ramblings, she didn’t show a lot of gratitude for it. maybe that’s just because she only chose to document the negative, i don’t know.

there was one post that she wrote like a year into their relationship where she writes about feeling like she made a mistake by being with him.  because of how affectionate he was with their cat, it made her jealous and that those affections should be for her only because they were promised to be. really? SHE made a mistake being with him? HE’S the one left it all behind to move out here and be with her. my god. it made me angry. and then months later she wrote another post saying that she doesn’t deserve tom, because of all that he did for her, and how little she’s done in return. he did his best to support her, financially (since she didn’t work) and emotionally. and she, in her own words, admits to being an “ungrateful bitch.” well, at least she was self aware because HOLY FUCK.

and then in the next few posts, just months after admitting that tom deserves better (can’t disagree there!), she’s writing about how she’s “through” with him. she insults his body/weight (which made me so fucking angry and disgusted) and then she openly admits that she’s no longer in love with him. and i look at the date on that post: 2012. they didn’t break up until 2015. i mean, fuck. there were like no posts in there about how much she loved him. little to no posts about how hard he was working, how deeply she loved him, it was like she was never actually in love with him? or if she was it wasn’t long lasting. i mean, she definitely didn’t express it in her writing. she wrote plenty of deep romantic shit about her ex before tom. but nothing for thomas, who she was with for 5 years and who he devoted so much to. and it just...killed me to see that. to think that he wasn’t loved the way he deserved to be. why did they stay together so long. how did he survive. giving so much of himself...and perhaps getting nothing much in return? it just...made me hurt. but that’s my own fault. those words were never meant for my eyes. who’s eyes were they fucking meant for, i don’t know.

she was very clearly going through a lot emotionally, she was very depressed, which i understand. fuck, do i understand. depression is the worst fucking illness. i still struggle with it every day. but it became very clear to me reading her old posts that tom’s purpose in her life was....to fix her. she wanted him to fix her. she demanded him to fix her. and him moving out here for her with the purpose of “taking care of her,” must have meant that he went in thinking he could? god, that just made me sad. using someone else to...make you better...fix your mental health...make you “whole,” relying on them completely and becoming so overly dependent on them that if they aren’t EXACTLY PERFECT ALL THE TIME, you grow to resent them and blame THEM for your mental health issues...it just...my god it was so wrong and it was so unfair to tom. 

but it’s all in the past. this is all shit from 2010-2015. it’s been 4 years. they’re still good friends! cool! but not really because i guess after reading all of that, i just came to really...dislike her, to put it mildly. yeah, i’m okay with him being friends with his ex, as long as he’s okay with me not really being her biggest fan. i’ll probably make the :/ face when he mentions her, just as a reflex. but i’m okay with that. i’m sure she’s a better person now. she’s stable, happy, married, mature, etc. but i’ve been tainted. and it sucks. ‘cause what if someday he wants me to meet her or something? i’m going to be screaming internally the entire time. when i hear her name i just think about all that stuff. i think about how much work tom put into their relationship, how much he sacrificed, how much emotional energy he poured into it, physical energy working non-stop to support her, and she was in the meantime writing about being in love with her ex, writing shit about his “belly,” and getting pissy because of much he adores his cat.

i think to myself, my god...i would never want to be friends with a former partner after going through that. if i read my ex’s blog and they had stuff like that written about me i’d never want to speak to them again (though knowing me, i would’ve been reading their blog from day one and would’ve ended it as soon as i read “yes i’m still in love with my ex”). but maybe tom never read that stuff. if so, GOOD. it’s vile and depressing and he doesn’t deserve those words. but if he had read them and he’s okay with it? then, WOW. he’s a much stronger person than i ever could be. maybe he wasn’t okay with it at first, but they’re both better now in their own separate lives and it’s been years so he’s over it? i don’t know. maybe it doesn’t matter. 

i’m caring too much about things that don’t matter anymore. i just. fuck. i love tom. so much. and reading about that part of his past made me sad. i can’t help it. i love him, i want to take care of him. i’m feeling the hurt that i (assume) he felt. the weight of all of that. i’m feeling that pain on his behalf. it’s the “empath” coming out lmao. curse my empath superpower!!!11!!1 my main thought after reading all that shit though was...tom...i’m going to love you so good. i promise. the last thing i want to do is drain you emotionally or make you feel unappreciated. because i know what it’s like. to pour your heart and soul into something, someone, for a long time, and have them take and take and take from you and give you scraps, if not nothing, in return. it’s takes the life out of you. and i never want to do that to you.

i know sometimes i get quiet. cold. distant. i’m too in my head. i’m dealing with my own depression and trauma. but it’s me, it’s not you. it’s never anything you said or did. it’s me overthinking. assuming the worst and then feeling the worst. but it doesn’t last (it might seem like it lasts longer than it does just because i am too afraid to come back to your arms for fear that you’re annoyed with me. exhausted by me. i’ve pushed you and now you won’t want me back). the quiet space i use is me talking myself down. coming back to reality. coming back to where you are. because that’s where i want to be. i’m trying. so hard. because you deserve that. i won’t ever ask you to fix me because that’s not your job.  i will work hard, okay. it won’t be easy because i’m a mess too, riddled with flaws, but i love you. that i know. you won’t have to doubt that. but we’re a team. you can trust in that. we’re in this together. i promise that i’ll always support you as much as you support me.