#i guess its normal to immediately jump to the extremes but i cant be the only one finding something bizarre about how many people will be

[piosplayhouse]

love it when people are so slippery slope pilled that under every discourse about censorship someone will inevitably go "ok but what if someone made birth of a nation 2 and reestablished the kkk" when it could not be more obvious that the original poster's statement was just like. About a teenager's underage bakudeku fic or something

[furiosity-wills-the-cat]

Chara, the fourth Blook cousin:

A crack theory that accidentally become way more serious than it should have because it somehow, despite my best efforts, ended up making sense

Brought to you by my idiot conspiracy brain (affectionate) and by encouragement from my Tumblr followers

Under the cut for the sake of your dashes and sanity

Ok here we go my very elaborate accidental theory, because in order to answer the complex questions simply you must first make simple things more complex or something

First, you need to know that Chara became a Blook cousin by adoption.

All of the Blooks are adopted.

Ghosts are not born into families, they make their own.

Got it? Great, because we’re about to start running

so first, im gonna make surprisingly uncommon claim in this fandom, and I am going to say that undertale ghosts are all dead

I’m taking the tiny details we know about ghosts and sprinting with them to new places

Ghosts also do not have souls I decided

Undertale souls do not work the same as souls in traditional mythology

So every ghost is soulless Unless and Until they become corporeal

Evidence: Monster souls cant exist without bodies, and ghosts are monsters, therefore ghosts cannot have souls without bodies

Further evidence: Asriel doesnt steal blooky’s soul, blooky is unkillable, we have no concrete evidence that blooky has a soul

What about mettaton? He only has a soul after he has completely committed to being corporeal and to a specific body.

Also maddy and mettaton are both only killable while corporeal

Im also connecting the dots we have about souls in a new creative way so let me live for a second

Additionally, i am going to claim that there are a lot more ghosts than just the blooks, some evidence given below

Theres like actual scientific knowlege of ghosts in the undertale verse which seems unlikely if theres literally only three or four

The underground is so much bigger than you think, theres that giant forest in snowdin, a large town in the ruins, the huge city of new home, who knows how much space in the large open areas of waterfall etc. Its really really big okay

Also based off evidence of blooky, we can conclude that ghosts can turn invisible whenever they want to and/or haunt objects to hide

So I personally think that ghosts are, generally speaking, extremely reclusive

And the blooks are just a special exception, a beautiful family, amazing for them

So anyway im going with typical ghost lore for now, for the sake of ease, so im gonna say ghosts generally come from monsters who are particularly restless or unsatisfied when they die

HOWEVER i dont think they remember being monsters or anything before being a ghost. They just kinda fizzle into existance with a fully formed personality and immortality while being unkillable and feeling vaguely uneasy

ALSO i personally think that chara was a ghost for a long time before they became a blook by adoption

Based on game lore, i think ghosts can possess any inanimate object and just kinda wear it? But it takes a lot of strong emotion to become corporeal

And chara is the super weird exception because they were a human not a monster.

They dont have a soul (i headcanon that their soul got destroyed when asriel died)

And they KNOW this, which is a huge part of why they kinda just... give up

Because they lost their ability to fulfill prophecy

Also, without a soul, they lost their ability to reset, so for the first time since falling underground, theyre subject to the relentless march of time

But theyre still weirdly strong and powerful and more emotional

ALSO they DO still remember being a human but they catch on pretty quickly that other ghosts dont have memories and because chara is stupid they just lie to fit in

Theyre too tired to explain themself, they just want to be alone and feel awful

Now back to ghost lore

Emotions are a lot harder for ghosts??? I decided

And they dont know why,, they tend to blame it on the soul thing

But realistically its actually more of the immortality thing making actions not have consequences and/or or not having a body so they cant have a sense of touch or have physical effects of emotion

They all know that ghosts just tend to be way more floaty and bored and numb

And thats part of why the blooks are so special

Maddy’s rage and Mettaton’s yearning and Napstablook’s misery are like... not great all of the time...

but theyre also way way more emotion than most ghosts have,,, they are just a family supporting each other, being as functional as they can,, just an emo(tional) ghost family

most ghosts barely do anything except like stare at walls but the blooks have their snail farm and that helps them have purpose and it is good

And they hold each other accountable and it is nice

So anyway chara just chills and is in a depression coma for a few decades before the blooks find them and are like “our child/baby cousin”

and they raise them for a cool minute

They are all very protective of the new baby emo blook

And chara doesnt get therapy but at the very least they once again have a family, and they decide they want to try to become corporeal eventually just like mtt and maddy

So anyway chara starts hanging out in the ruins a lot more and they finally tell the blooks theyre leaving to go become corporeal in the ruins

This is actually because they are trying to hang out with toriel

because they miss their mom ;;

but chara’s not gonna admit that to anyone, especially not to themself

And because theyre still repressing their emotions constantly and pretending to be fine, they cant become corporeal

And they hang out in the ruins for a long time because they feel guilty lying to everyone about everything

They still feel like its their fault that all the monsters are stuck underground, because they were SUPPOSED to save everyone and they COULDNT and it HURTS

But again, they are doing too much repression to use this guilt to become corporeal,

so instead they just kinda hide and watch toriel from a distance and cry

Blooky visits them the most, thats why blooky is chilling in the ruins so much at the start of the game

Theyre just there to visit their shy baby cousin ;;

Ofc they wont tell frisk about this because chara wants space and privacy and blooky respects that

but maddy and mtt also visit them a lot

Oh also when mtt and maddy start dissapearing, blookys mental health plummets as their family and support system starts to dissolve

Blooky was actually doing extremely well (for a ghost) for a long time, i headcanon,

but theyre doing the worst theyve been in a long long time during the game, because of family issues

So anyway, chara dissapears when frisk shows up, and maddy assumes this is becaude frisk hurt their fragile feelings

Maddy spends hours desperately searching the ruins for chara and cant find them and assumes that they had their heart crushed and went to hide and disappear in a depression coma for another few decades, and thats part of why maddy is so furious with frisk

Like,, to be clear, maddy is still jumping to conclusions and throwing blame around with no proof, but also, its a logical conclusion to come to

And mettaton has already disappeared too and been gone for a while, too, by this point, so it hurts even worse

But anyway, what actually happened to chara is that;

Because chara is a human ghost, not a monster ghost, normal ghost rules dont apply to them

And they can possess living things too they find out

Maybe they knew it a long time ago, maybe its a new discovery, but for whatever reason they end up possessing frisk and theyre like “what the heck”

And frisk still has most of the control

But now chara is like,,, “this is my chance, im a human again, gotta save the world for real,,,”

and they cant explain this to anyone without revealing their past

so they just chill in frisk’s mind while being super crypic and trying to figure out how it works

Pacifist route, this is pretty much exactly what happens

They manage to help frisk save the day

And in my headcanon, the no mercy route is started by frisk who is scared when faced by monsters attacking them

And then chara, who was aready hiding in a semidepression coma for a while, immediately transitions to a panicked “gotta protect this body, gotta protect my chance to be human, i died and threw away my chance to save everyone the first time, i CANNOT lose this chance again”

And so the combination of both frisk and chara is the genocide run

Because frisk kills in self defense, and whenever frisk hesitates, chara jumps in

Also theres leftover feelings from the whole asriel incident

Because again, ghosts come from monsters who died unsatisfied

And chara’s main source of unsatisfaction is how they were trying to get asriel to kill people before he died and then he didnt

So thats a strong strong feeling ruling them

So anyway by the time they both realize how bad its become they figure its too late and also the amount of LOVE has made them numb

And thats when chara who, despite everything, still has idiot hero complex and thinks they need to save the world

So, while panicking, they step in at the very end, and erase the timeline and delete everything

And also to clarify

They DONT HAVE this power at any other point in the game

Because, guess why

They become corporeal

Just like maddy, the no mercy route is the only thing that gives them strong enough emotion to spontaneously become corporeal

So they become corporeal and as soon as they have a soul again and can reset again, they just erase everything

Ok back to fluff

Post pacifist route, they are still a non corporeal ghost

They can still float around and look just like the other blooks

And it takes them a while to open up about things, but they do end up moving back in with blooky so that blooky isnt completely alone

And also they do way better with a family

Also they can float through the mountain and talk to flowey down below and bring him news

And now that they know about him, they can bond with him and explain that they dont have a soul either but that doesnt mean theyre worthless

Oh ALSO

The other dead humans dont have ghosts

BECAUSE

ghosts only come from restless dead MONSTERS

and chara is the weird special exception

Because they were a monster when they died

They became a ghost and asriel didnt because they were way more restless and stressed than asriel was when both of them died

Like sure, asriel felt awful, but chara was the one who was way more like “this is my fault, i CANT die now, the world NEEDS me”

So anyway

charablook the emo tween ghost and asriel flowey the eldrich goat daisy are siblings once more and they hang out and eventually they are okay and have a family again

Thank you for reading, this has been my thoughts on a crack theory that accidentally went too far

This isnt even everything, maybe i’ll make a part two eventually, but i promised to have this post out like two days ago, so i wanted to post SOMTHING

Anyway leave your thoughts if youd like

Im not looking for people to disprove it, i already know its crazy, i dont think it was intentional by the game writers, but i do think its a fun concept

thats the fun of it, so if anyone wants to run with it im all for it lol

Thanks again! Have a nice day!

[wizkiddx]

worst case scenario part 5

finally!! so sorry its been an age to anyone still here but lives been interesting atm so....  also this really feels a bit rambley and the ending is deff underdeveloped but I just kind of wanted this done tbh x 

[previous part] [part 1] 

warnings:  hospitals - ICU, ventilation that sort of stuff, just a lot of ANGST post a difficult birth - please don't read if this could be upsetting for you, and my inbox is always open if u wanna chat :) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a complete 360 degree flip from earlier that day, after leaving the hospital Tom had become obsessively attached to Aurora. They’d got back to his parents place in Tom’s car; Aurora in the carseat Y/n and Tom had ready in their car door for her arrival. Clearly his parents had already pre-warned his brothers, who had thankfully already gone over to Tom and Y/n’s - collecting the Moses basket amongst other items Harry had been listed off from his mother. 

Apart from explaining a little behind her name to his parents on the journey back, Tom had spoken very little, choosing to keep himself to himself - physically stationing himself beside the Moses basket the whole time. Of course, there had been a bit of light conversation and almost procedural passing round of Aurora between all her uncles and grandparents, which Tom had kept a wether eye on - but ultimately not engaged. 

He also knew that physically his body was failing him. Although eating a little of the lasagne Sam had made for everyone, he could only stomach a minuscule amount, which did little to boost his energy levels. It felt as though sleeping was the enemy, because he was neither ready to leap into the car if the phone went; or to hear the smallest sound from the wicker basket, suggesting something was wrong. So as much as he tried to fight it, before even nine o’clock he began to dose off on the familiar couch of his parents sitting room - occasionally jerking himself awake before loosing the fight once again.

Nikki had tried to gently push him to take a break in the spare bedroom, which had been Tom’s before he’d moved out, but was unsuccessful - every time he retaliated with a stern shake of his head, while checking his phone just in case he’d missed a notification. Eventually Nikki relented, later in the evening both her and Dom retiring to bed; once Sam had agreed to stick around downstairs till a bit later - as a chef he worked till late in the nights, so even on his days off like today, his sleep schedule was just a little fucked. 

Left alone with his new little niece and now pretty firmly asleep brother, Sam draped a blanket over the latter just in time for Aurora to start fussing in the need of a bottle. His mum had explained how to do everything, how to mix the formula and heat it up, so after scooping up the little wriggling girl in the hope his brother wouldn’t get disturbed, Sam dealt with her. To be honest no matter how clueless and useless he felt, Aurora was just so cute - if a little wrinkly and alien looking, but in a good way. This was the first baby any of them had had, so the first time Sam experienced this instant connection and love for the little being that was his niece or nephew. It was terrifying, lifting the bottle against her lips for the first time, but then it just sort of seemed to work. She was incredibly smart for less than 24 hours old, instantly latching on, like she had done for Haz at the hospital. 

That gave Sam a little confidence in his ability as an uncle, giving himself a satisfied nod while swaying from the kitchen to move back into the living room. It was just a preference to be within reach of Tom… just in case. His poor brother still hadn’t moved, slumped against the corner of the sofa, leaning toward the now empty Moses basket. Normally, Sam seeing his supposed heart throb of a brother looking as rough as he did now - double chin, mouth hanging slightly open, deep sunken eyes - he would’ve taken a photo to blackmail him with. Now though, it was just desperately sad, seeing his brother like this, hand still clutching his phone tightly above the blanket. 

Rather hoping the calm would last for a while, Sam successfully finished off feeding Aurora; winded and then put her down to sleep again just in time. Because, perhaps expectedly, Tom’s phone began to blare off the default iPhone ringtone making Tom jump and throw the device across the room as he awoke with a start. Sam ran to grab it off the floor, mainly with the hope of turning it off before Aurora was awoken too - knowing that it was best tonight to tackle one thing at a time. 

And so he immediately swiped to answer the call, not even registering who the call was from, much rather just wanting the noise to stop. 

“Hello?”

“Sam? It’s Harrison” Tom had jumped up from his seat hovering beside Sam with petrified look. It took barely seconds for Tom to snatch the phone back, launching questions down the receiver. 

“Slow down would you? Y/n is fine I was just phoning to check in.”

“Oh er yeh… um sorry I just… just thought…”

“It’s the other way mate. Nurse says she’s starting to get there cos first she moved her arm a bit when we pinched her shoulder and then I just called because she started to like gag and now the ventilator thing is gone.”

“W-what?”

“I think she’s breathing by herself? Like she’s got an oxygen mask instead of the tubes down her throat.” Clearly Harrison was not, by any means, a medical expert. 

“They said she would have the ventilator for a few days at least.”

“I guess Y/n got bored? To be fair she couldn’t ever sit still.”

“I’m coming to you.”

“Tom it’s nearly midnight, I was supposed to be kicked out at 10. Just come back in the morning, they won’t let you in I’m pretty certain.”

“What if she wakes up!”

“Then they’ll call you! She’s getting better Tom you should be try and relax for like a second.”

“FUCK OFF HAZ! If she wakes up all alone and terrified then-“

“I’m not going to having a screaming match on the phone with you. I think we both know you wanting to come is more for you than for Y/n, because Y/n would want you to be looking after Aurora.”

Again guilt tripping using the newborn. Harsh but effective. Stopping Tom’s anger dead in it’s tracks.

“Look I can put the nurse on for her to tell you they won’t let you in and they’ll call if anything happens - but you already know that.”

“Yeh sorry fine … I know don’t bother.”

“Okay… I’m was gonna head back to my place and I know you’ve probably got your mum begging to fuss over Aurora but if-“

“Can you come?”

“Didn’t need to ask mate.”

And that’s how the night went. Until Harrison arrived at the Holland family home, Tom had spent the time pacing back and forth, blatantly ignoring the pleas of Sam just to sit down. Once he arrived though, going through all the updates in a lot more detail Tom seemed, for the first time, optimistic. By no means could you call him relaxed or happy - but compared to the rollercoaster that had been the last 24 hours, Harrison thought that was more than enough. Aurora had started fussing again at 1 but by the time it had turned into a full blown scream at Tom, Sam already had the bottle ready. It took a little bit of encouragement and promise that Tom would be able to feed her but actually, she instantly latched on, settled in her Dad’s hold while guzzling down the contents of the bottle. 

After a bit of winding she ended up falling asleep on her dads chest, only when he felt himself start to flag did Tom place her back in the basket. Harrison and him ended up crashing on the sofas, Sam retiring to his own room. Phone still tightly clutched in Tom’s grip.

////////////////////

The first thing Y/n became properly aware of was this intense heaviness all over her body. It felt as though her limbs were all composed completely of lead, meaning as much as she was just craving rolling over, it was as though her own body was holding her down. A very alien feeling that unsettled her slightly, trying to shake of the misty feeling in her head to work it all out. It took a while to drag herself out of the depths of sleep, to the point where background noise slowly faded in - an alien beeping as well as distant shuffling making her heart thump with unease. Finally, perhaps most distressingly , her eyes felt glued shut. Not because they were heavy, in the way someone extremely sleep deprived cant keep their eyes open; rather stiff like they hadn’t been used in so long they’d rusted over or something. 

The feeling  was quite horrific and isolating- as though she were locked into her body without an escape in sight. Whilst trying to calm her racing thoughts, Y/n chose to focus completely on the one thing she could do. She could listen. She listened to the beeps, focusing on the type of sound, the way it chimed so regularly; and it’s form. It was familiar, for that she was sure but for now at least she couldn’t place it. 

It felt like an investigation, trying with all her might to try and workout what the fuck was going on. To put it mildly. 

The most useful clue though, a breakthrough if you will, is when a voice sounded - clear and familiar. 

“Excuse me nurse?” It was Nikki. For sure. It was a clue, but didnt seem to make a hell of a lot of sense. Y/n was so focused on why the hell Nikki was apparently watching her sleep unconscious, she completely missed the reference to the nurse. As in hospital. As in Y/n was in hospital. “… I’m just going to swap out for my sons friend.”

“Harrison?” That voice seemed new and unfamiliar.

“Yes, he won’t be a second I’m sure.”

What was Harrison doing here too? 

It was all very confusing and hurt Y/n’s brain to try and unpick. Gradually then, everything sort of melted away, diving back into the darkness.

The next time Y/n woke up things were different. This time she woke up like she would at any time of day. She woke up and her eyes followed suit. Not particularly easily, since as soon as they cracked open she was almost blinded by brilliant white lights, it taking a build up of willpower before she tried it again - bracing for the pain. 

By now she knew something was wrong. She remembered all these patchy and hazy periods. All full of confusion and disorientation but with different voices keeping her at least semi calm. Familiar voices, all too often laced with such emotion. Especially Tom’s. She couldn’t remember what he had said, nor had she probably been able to understand it at the time - what stuck was the tone. The sadness, the hopelessness , the emptiness. 

It was scary. But it made her want to help. Made her want to open her eyes. 

After wincing at the dazzling white surroundings, Y/n blinked her eyes quickly, in an attempt to get them to adjust quicker. She saw an unfamiliar ceiling, one that was tiled in a similar way to her old school canteen. There was a  weird pressure round her mouth, eyes quickly darting down to see edges of a clear mask pressed up against the bridge of her nose. That wasn’t it though, the further she looked the more her eyes panned down this pale blue blanket, following the outline of her legs to the bottom raised edge of the bed. The hospital bed. 

Her hospital bed. 

As much as she wanted to jump up in panic; physically right now that was an impossibility. So instead, Y/n focused on trying to gleam as much information from the situation. It took a hell of a lot of effort, her muscles literally stiff and ridgid with disuse but with a small groan her neck eventually agreed to follow orders. Just a small tilt to the left and suddenly Y/n felt so much more less panicked. Everything was that bit less scary because there was Tom. 

Admittedly he didn’t look amazing, or even not bad. Tom was sat with his back pressed against the side of chair, so his body faced her. Had he not looked so ruined, Y/n would’ve laughed at the side of his face squashed into the back of the seat. But he did look horrific, for lack of a better word. His brown eyes were locked shut, but also looked puffy and red, while dark at the same time - as though he’d been attempting to gouge his own eyes out prior. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, hence why he had appeared to have collapsed in the arm chair. At least though , he wasn’t in a hospital bed himself.

That was Y/n’s pleasure. 

Her next job was to get her neck muscles to pull her head to the other side. It was a slow wincing gesture, yet she was so aware of another presence that needed to be addressed too. But actually it was 3 people.

Right at the back, a nurse sat on a little spinny chair, scribbling something down in a file of papers but to be quite honest that wasn’t were Y/n’s focus zeroed in on. Instead on Harrison who was sat in chair mirroring Tom, except instead of being passed out asleep he was cradling a baby. Her baby. 

Y/n literally felt her heart in her throat at that point, eye widening almost comically. That was her baby - it must be? The monitors all started to loose their regularity as Y/n threw an uncoordinated limb to that side of the bed- already having realised her throat was way too scratchy to try to say anything comprehensible. 

Immediately that got the attention of both the nurse, who immediately leapt up and called for support, as well as Harrison - who looked like he was seeing a ghost. 

“Oh my-Y/n-?” Luckily he kept the baby safe in his arms rather than dropping her in shock, whilst Y/n kept her eyes locked onto the bundle in his arms. Nodding down, she tried to remove the mask (actually just very slightly knocking it to one side) and attempted to ask of the baby. Her throat, being inhumanly dry and scratchy, didn’t really work but Haz still got the message, scoffing in amazement. 

“Aurora… here’s your mummy.” Harrisons voice was quiet and wavering as he delicately held Aurora against Y/n’s collar bone, the babies little tuft of har tickingling her chin. Now Y/n was crying with happiness, looking up at Haz’s icy blue eyes and questioning her name. Harrison confirmed with another disbelieving whisper, whilst the arm that wasn’t still holding Aurora clasped Y/n’s hand with a death grip. “Tom’s choice.”

The mention of him had both of them shift their gaze across the room to Tom’s chair. Even with all the developments, Tom still seemed completely unaware, fast asleep with the side of his face squished against the back of the chair making his lips slightly askew. Y/n were acutely aware of the small congregation of doctors that had accumulated in the corner of the bay but they seemed to be respectfully waiting before they would prod and poke. Haz went to call Tom’s name, before he could though, Y/n squeezed his arm and minutely shook her head. That wasn’t what the blue eyes boy had been expecting, causing Haz to unfold and bring Aurora back up to his chest as he quirked his eyebrows at her.  

She didnt need to be filled in on the situation to know exactly what was happening. She had no idea why she was in the hospital bed; how long it had been since she’d given birth - but she knew all she needed to. From Harrisons unbelievably shocked face; and from the state of Tom - it hadn’t been good. Her fiancé looked almost ghostly, it seemed evident that he needed her. First then, she gestured to Haz for some water, which after a panicked look to the nurse; then from the nurse to various doctors; she was eventually given permission. 

After somewhat alleviating the sandpaper feeling in her throat, Y/n then croakily asked for a bit of privacy. Right now the doctors all were gawking, Harrison assumed it to be because they’d all led him and Tom to believe she wouldn’t wake up for a while- and even then she was supposed to barely be awake, not able to talk and drink or anything of the sort. With an ecstatic nod Harrison, shuffled out - while doing so prompting the medical people to draw the curtains completely shut round the bay.  

Already Y/n had tears welling up in her eyes, purely because she hated seeing him like this. He just looked so broken and shattered which honestly felt worlds worse than the labour she’d gone through. Her whole body still hurt, stiff and achy for reasons yet to be explained to Y/n. None of that mattered though, as she strained her arm out to the side in order to gently reach his knee that was folded up and sticking out awkwardly at an angle. After swallowing one again, Y/n squeezed round the joint and tried to shake it slightly. Instantly the man jumped up in his seat, heavy eyes blinking quickly and repeatedly as he tried to adjust to the room. 

Being so sleep deprived and stressed out, Tom’s brain was not working normally, instead with a delayed haze as he apparently skipped over Y/n in the bed, rather surveying the the closed curtains and Harrison’s now empty chair. As he was lifting himself to sit more normally up, uncurling from the armchair, was when he noticed the hand on his knee. Breath caught in his chest, Tom instinctively bit his lip as his eyes gradually traced up the hand, to the forearm, up to the shoulder. It felt like a fever dream, as though all it would take is for him to move and she’d slip away again. But there were her green eyes, gleaming in a way that literally lifted a weight from his shoulders. Her smile was tired and a little confused, but so her - after spending days of just seeing all her features lax, Tom swore that it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

Only when Y/n finally croaked out a small ‘hi’ did Tom gain awareness of his body, or rather control of it, enough to leap up and leave over the bed - cradling her face in both his palms. Like a psycho he stared intently, swapping his focus from her left to her right eye like a madman. 

“Your-I-I” He was trying to speak, trying to communicate all the thoughts and regrets of things he wished he’d said to her all at once. Weakly she reached up to fully remove the oxygen mask, dragging It down to below her chin, before squeezing his wrists in comfort. Only then did Tom notice the small puddle that had collected on her cheek, which made him realise he was absolutely bawling. 

“You ‘kay?” Her voice was like sandpaper but everything about her was so completely Y/n and it was just giving Tom this unreal wave of euphoria. Physically incapable of replying, the brunette just scoffed, leaning over the bed even more so he could press his forehead on hers. He was laughing too, the fact she was asking him that seemed so preposterous, given all the tubes and wires attached to her at the moment. It took Y/n squeezing his wrist harder again to make him lean back a little, searching her eyes with his. She seemed so worried; seemed so full of concern - only then did Tom consider quite how much he’d ‘let himself go’ the past couple of days. 

It had been two days since Aurora was born, only 48 hours. But the transformation was mad, none more so than mentally. 48 hours had quite literally changed everything for Tom; changed life forever and himself too. It was showing in his unshaven face, with unwashed  greasy hair, everything just looking ‘tired’.

“‘m just really glad your awake.” It was so honest and sincere it did have Y/n wondering what had happened and for how long. What had she put her fiancé through?

“How long?”

“The worst two and a half days of my life… I got you now though, yeh?” Tom whispered wetly, while stroking the side of her cheek - wiping both his and her tears away.

“Always.”

The doctors and nurses then came in, podding and poking Y/n like no tomorrow while Harrison and Tom stood back a little - excitedly grinning at each other and the sleepy girl Haz was cradling, before Tom stole her off him. There was a momentary sick-to-his-stomach feeling after some of the professionals had cleared, seeing her eyes shut again felt like everything was crashing around him. Thankfully though, one of doctors noticed the look of despair on his face, explaining to the two men that she was just asleep normally. That although sh’ed spent along time unconscious, waking from a medical coma is in itself exhausting. 

After the initial excitement of Y/n waking the next couple of days were pretty samey. She’d been moved down to a normal ward, no longer needed all the incessant bleeping machines but still had to stay in hospital. Tom found it tricky too, he just always felt he needed to be by her side ‘just in case’. In fact, it had been a source of a bit of tension between him and his fiancé - she could see how exhausted he was from looking after Aurora, plus the stress of being in the hospital for hours a day with her. As Y/n got better and more switched on to the state of him, she realised it was inevitable he’d crash at some point.

But after a week and a half in hospital - comprising of a baby, emergency surgery, 3 days on intensive care, followed by 8 on the ward - Y/n was discharged. Nikki and Dom moved in to Y/n and Tom’s place, to provide care support both for Aurora; and Y/n for the rest of her recovery; and secretly Tom for everything he’d been through. 

She was still order on bed rest due to her surgical scars, so Tom and Nikki helped to set her up in the master bedroom as soon as they got in. Of course, everyone was aware of Toms odd mood that day. Until then the only thing he wanted was to get his fiancé back at home with him but now she was over the threshold his excitement and joy appeared to have been zapped out of him. In fact, he’d barely uttered more than a couple sentences. So once Y/n was properly comfortable and Dom had brought Aurora and the cot into the room, Tom’s parents quickly made themselves scarce. 

Tom hadn’t stopped, finding some reason to rummage around in the chest of drawers m while Y/n chewed at her bottom lip, watching him. 

“Tom?” All she got in response was a light hum. “Tom please will you come and sit down for a minute?”

“I just need to-“

“Tom!” Her exclamation finally properly got Tom to listen, jumping round to face her. “Please... please will you just stop for a second?” Y/n’s eyes felt as though they were boring holes in his skull. Really, Tom knew he’d be forced into this at some point because he couldn’t avoid Y/n. She had some power of mind reading over him. So with a defeated nod and sagging shoulders Tom rounded the bed, weaving between his side and Auroras cot - where she was sleeping soundly. 

A silence overcame the room as he heavily planted himself on his side of the bed, mirroring Y/n’s posture leant against the headboard. 

“I think we need to have an honest conversation T.”

“If you want.” Nothing about his reply was the picture of enthusiasm, causing Y/n to hesitate a little. 

“Look I am so beyond grateful for everything you’ve done while I was in hospital... and it doesn’t take a genius to tell you’ve worked yourself half to death-“

“I’m fine-“

“Don’t lie to me. I know you’re trying to protect me but please... will you just talk to me? Honestly?” 

His reply this time wasn’t completely unforeseeable but it still shocked Y/n quite how quickly it happened, especially almost unprovoked. Because that’s all it took for Tom to break, for the past 2 weeks to get their vengance, for all the repressed emotion to escape. 

He was crying- well more accurately sobbing- into his hands, his back quaking. Naturally Y/n reached out to pull him into her side, suppressing the groan of pain as she moved a little too much for her abdomen to handle. “I’m here T. I got you and I’m not going anywhere m‘kay?” 

And that’s how they stayed, for at least 10 minutes, with Tom crying into her shoulder as Y/n rubbed up and down his back. Eventually though, everything did calm down and Tom repositioned himself to lean his head on her shoulder just facing forward and focusing on playing with her fingers, lacing them fingers with his. 

In all the time since she’d woken up, Y/n was yet to broach the subject of their babies name yet. She sensed it was a sensitive topic to say the least, so had thought it best to wait till they were properly alone - not in a ward of 6 strangers where the only privacy came in flimsy blue curtains. 

“So…. Aurora huh? Thought it was too airy-fairy, head-in-the-clouds for you?”  Smiling lightly, both of them were transported back to the pregnancy when they spent hours and hours bickering over names. Aurora had always been Y/n’s favourite but to Tom thought it was more a name for a hippy kid who went around clad in tie dye and bandanas. 

“Still is a bit...but I needed a bit of a miracle and Iceland was in my head. Plus I sort of accidentally word vomited while shouting at Haz, for being nice to me.” Iceland as in when Tom had proposed under the aurora borealis in the freezing sky - when Y/n had agreed, promised even, to be with him forever.

“But you like it?”

“Of course... mother always knows best after all.”

“I think it suits her too. One of your best choices to date, listening to me.” Y/n mused, earning herself a very delicate but still playful elbow in the side before the room drifted back to a much more comfortable silence. 

“We’re gonna get through this you know? Me, you and her, we’re together in this... I’m sorry I wasn’t in the beginning and I’m sorry I hurt you but now? I promise you got me and I’m not going anywhere…” Y/n needed to say it and needed Tom to properly listen. “ ...literally, I still cant walk properly.” Tom chuckled wetly at that, which made Y/n feel a lot better too. 

To be completely honest, Tom was still hurt and he knew it’d take some mending to move past everything. By no means did he blame Y/n in anyway but just the fact he was left alone and abandoned - well, it was the worst time in his life. The way Y/n understood that and had apologised to him - if completely unnecessarily- meant everything. Meant she would help him to heal... whilst he helped her too. 

“Can we just go to sleep? I need to wake up beside you in our bed not at tiny hospital one.” It was only 3 in the afternoon but because of Y/n’s medicine she was constantly drowsy and Tom? Tom was still in this permanent state of exhaustion. So it wasn’t so much of a weird request as it was on the face of it. With a nod, Y/n shuffled down on the bed a bit more resting her head against the top of Tom’s. It was exactly what they both needed, just a bit of peace with each other. 

That lasted all of 5 minutes before Aurora woke and started to scream. 

Life had most definitely changed. Especially for Tom. Because even though he was he was mentally and physically exhausted,  he only appreciated his daughters screams whole heartedly... because Y/n was there groaning with a tired smile too. They were in this together. 

~~~~

 I really hope the ending didnt disappoint too much, im aware its rushed as hell, but thank you for getting this far! And I hope maybe this series has done a teeny tiny bit to normalise not everything in pregnancy and child birth being perfect - that there is morbidity and mortality associated. Obviously this is all fictional (esp the amazingly quick recovery and lack of neurological/other impairments) and not medically accurate in the slightest !!

my inbox is always open :) t x

Tagging : @whitewolf51 

[taeghi]

angry sex - bts

jin

“god. I cant believe you jin!” you yelled as the two of you stormed into your shared apartment, jin slaming the door behind him.

“well i cant believe you either y/n!” he retorted back at your, practically throwing his shoes off.

the two of you went to a dinner that night with the other members. the whole car ride to the fancy restaurant was strangely quiet, but you didnt ask jin about it. when you guys got the restaurant, he barely spoke a word to you.

you were talking to jungkook beside you when  you heard jin speak, “yah! namjoon, i know y/n looks like a slut tonight but keep your eyes up here.” your eyes bulged out of your head as he finished his sentence. you looked down at your dress, sure, your boobs were kind of showing, but you wouldnt call yourself a slut.

you angrily stood up and walked out of the resturant, hearing jin groan from behind you as he excused you two from the table for the night.

so now, the two of you stood facing eachother, eyes narrowed at each other, breathing heavely.

“i cant believe you would call me a slut in front of your friends.” you groaned, your hand coming to rest on your forehead.

instantly, something clicked in jin. his head turned to the side a bit, and his eyes scanned your entire body. “ well that’s just what you are isnt y/n? a slut.”

you were about to snap at him, but was cut off by him pushing you up agaisnt the wall behind you.

“ you like the feeling of all these peoples’ eyes on you dont you?” he spoke lowly into your ear as his hands roamed your entire body. “ you like knowing that all those little boys were imagining doing things to you- dirty things.” your breath hitched in your throat at his words. his lips sucking on your jaw and neck as his hands moved underneath your dress. “those are just little boys though y/n, let me show you what a man can do to please you.”

yoongi

there your boyfriend was, sitting on the couch that you left him on earlier that day. by just standing in the doorway you could tell that he didnt do any of the chores you told him to do.

“so yoongi, is all of the cleaning done?” you asked him as you took off your shoes, causing him to jump a little due to not hearing you come in.

“uh no.” he responded, taking his feet off the coffee table.

you sighed, “of course you didn’t, im the only one who needs to clean.” you walked into the kitchen and saw the pile of dirty dishes in the sink.

now you heard yoongi stand up from his position and come into the kitchen.”what?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowed as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“i said that i’m the only one who ever cleans around here.” you repeated yourself, preparing for the fight that was about to begin.

“i clean around here.” he stated, coming closer to you.

“really when? because i havent noticed.”  

he then pushed you against the kitchen counter, his hands on the counter behind  you so you couldn’t move. “i do the laundry, i clean the bathroom and i sweep. so i do clean around here.”

the closeness between  youtwo, made you almost forget what you were fighting about as he spoke those words. “fine, you do help a little, but not doing the chorse i tell you t-” you were cut off by him basically smashing his lips onto your own.

“shut up and let me fuck you now yeah?” he said as he pulled back quickly, you only gettign enough time to nod before he’s ripping both of your clothes off and fucking you abruptly on the kitchen counter. it was messy, and it really did not help get your apartment any cleaner.

hoseok

he was furious. beyond angry. he wasnt your normal sunshine that you and everyone else has come to love. his face was blushed red from yelling. veins in his neck were very prominent. his eyebrows were furrowed and he looked extremely hot. sure, you didn’t like him being mad at you but, he just looked so damn good.

he sighed, “i cant keep yelling anymore y/n.” he said and sat down on the couch, his head in his hands.

“then dont.” you smirked, coming closer to your boyfriend.

“what?” he looked up at you.

“fuck me instead.” now the both of you were smirking, the fight leaving your guys’ minds as you climbed onto his lap. his hands immediately gripped onto your waist, and you starting to grind down onto his member. his lips attached themselves onto your neck, biting harshly, making sure to leave marks. soft moans fell from your lips as your tilted your head back and closed your eyes. his hands now letting go of your hips and starting to rip off your clothing instead.

your breaths mixed together for the rest of the night. his roughs, still kinda angry thrusts made you forget everything that happened a few hours before.

namjoon

you have never seen him like this before. his nosrils flaring, his chest moving fast from heavy breathing and his eyes narrowed at you. his hands were even flinching at his sides.

you guys had been fighting for almost a hour now, over somethng that didnt even matter anymore. you were furious at him, you wanted to keep fighting with him, but as his previous actions faded away and turned into lust, you knew it was over.

“come here baby girl.” he demanded, anger still laced in his voice. you followed his command and walked the few steps towards him until you were directly infront of him. “i think youve been quite mean to daddy tonight, maybe you should make it up to him, and he might do the same to you.” you nodded in response, his words fading your anger away and filling it with lust. “good. now strip.”

jimin

jimin rarely got mad, but he did get jealous- extremely jealous. so, when he was pushing you back into his bedroom and away from the boys, you werent really surprised.

“jimin, what is it now?” you asked, your arms crossing over your chest.

his eyes scanned your body before responding, “look what youre wearing.”

your head and eyes looked down to see your outfit; your sleeping shorts, that you guess are pretty short, and a tank top.

“all of the boys were looking at you, biting their lips, scanning your body.” he spoke as he walked closer to you, pulling your hips into his. thats when you felt it, his hard member poking into your hip. “they want you baby, but they cant have you since youre mine. only mine.”

“yes jimin, i’m only yours.” you smirked at him, loving where this was going.

he smashed his lips onto yours and pushed you down onto the bed, him landing softly on top of you. his hands went up the sides of your body roughly, and his hips grinded into your own.

“i want you to be extra loud this time, make the others remember who you belong to.” he whispered into your ear before biting down onto your neck, a loud moan leaving your lips instantly, “thats it baby, be loud.”

taehyung

he was pinning you onto the bed, his whole weight on you so you couldnt move. you had made him mad, so you were expecting this.

“youve made me very mad kitten. i think you should be punished.” his raspy voice spoke.

almost instantly, you were stripped from your clothes and sprawled over his lap on your stomach. his hands roamed your ass before giving your right ass cheek a quick slap. the fabric of his jeans rubbing against your stomach since he was still fully dressed. “count every spanking or i start over. understand kitten?” he asked.

“yes sir.” you responded.

your punishment went for another 19 spankings, your ass red as hell and tears streaming down your face in pleasure and pain- a feeling  you loved.

“youve taken your punishment very well kitten. i think its time for your reward,” taehyung said, a smile spreading across his face as his long fingers started to play with the lips of your pussy. you bit your lip, trying to hold in your moans from the pleasure he was giving you. suddenly, a hand came down on your sore ass cheek, causing you to yelp out. “stop holding back, let me hear your pretty moans y/n.”

with that, for the rest of the night, all that was heard were your moans and screams of pleasure and other erotic noises.

jungkook

he glared at you from across the club, not believing what you were doing. you knew he was watching, it was all apart of your plan. angry jealous sex is what you have been craving recently, so that is what you will get.

you were standing infront of jimin, your hands running up and down his thighs as you leaned over a little, trying to push your boobs into his face.

“uh y/n, i dont know what youre doing, but i think you should stop.” jimin spoke to you, a bit taken a back and frightened. he saw the way jungkook was looking at the two of you and it was not good.

“nono jimin, its all part of my plan. i need really good sex tonight.” you reassured jimin, a smirk almost instantly spreading across his face,

“well i think its working because hes coming over here now, and he does not look happy.” suddenly, you felt a warm hand grip your wrist and spin you around.

“y/n. its time to go.” jungkook spoke calmly, but you could see the way his eyes pierced into yours, and how his jaw was clenched, that he was beyond pissed. you nodded to him and followed behind him as he started walking towards the exit, but not before smirking and winking back at jimin.

as soon as you were outside, jungkook pushed you up against the brick wall outside the club.

“you should know how i feel when men look at the way jimin hyung was looking at you like that y/n.” jungkook growled lowly into your ear, his hands griping your hips. “you’re mine. no one looks at whats mine like that.” you were about to respond until his warm mouth bite down on your neck, the cold fall breeze instantly cooling it. “im going to have to mark you everywhere so everyone knows whats mine.”

[worstloki]

Part 3

Fury: I cannot believe the Avengers No. 1 unattainable criminal right now is a seventeen-year-old twink Clint: I can’t believe you’re calling Loki a twink Tony: I can’t believe he's been the legal godparent of kids his own age for months and I didn't realise Steve: You didn’t get him removed? I thought you made Rhodey their legal godparents instead?? Tony: nah I removed Thor Natasha: ?? why would anyone do that ?? Fury, having a breakdown: we nearly lost New York and the entire world to a 16-year-old twink with daddy issues Clint: yoU just did it aGAIN- Tony, the only actual Avenger who knows Loki isn’t actually evil™: heY! Daddy issues are a serious thing! Don’t make fun of the guy for having a crisis and finding out his life was a lie and he’d faced over a millennium of abusive environment for nothing!  Avengers: are you… defending Loki… the megalomaniac WAR CRIMINAL who turned every SHIELD facility into ice cream earlier today…? Tony, hands up in surrender: I’m saying maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to judge the guy. I wouldn't be able to guess what but maybe he had an ulterior reason for the New York fiasco? His normal stuff is usually harmless.  Avengers: ... Tony: What? It could’ve been much worse. Strange, rolling his eyes: Yes, at least it wasn’t Stark Raving Hazelnuts Loki, who has been standing at the back listening to the entire conversation: That flavour is way too chalky to suit SHIELD anyways [everyone turns to Loki with their weapons ready, except Tony of course] Loki, raising his hands in surrender: what? A Hunka-Hulka Burning Fudge is way better, and its green, and for some reason they didn’t have a Loki flavour so that was the next best option-

---

Loki: hey Morgan what would you say if i offered you an officially evil part-time job with decent pay and extremely good evil workplace benefits? Morgan: do you offer evil dental? Loki: of course?? we also have A-Grade coffee 24/7 because top class extremely good evil deserves only the best Morgan: Excellent! I look forward to working with your evil team and being a part of your nefarious schemes and plots in future Loki: Thank you. Tomorrow we replace all Tony's vehicles with incredibly realistic wax models. Morgan: ...including the jets? Loki, scoffing: what kind of amateur villains would we be if we left his jets, boats, bikes and single vintage helicopter untouched Tony: its 4am can you maybe not have this conversation right next to me in my own workshop?!

---

Tony: I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WOULD REPLACE THEM WITH WAX MODELS Morgan: What kind of low-grade predictable villainous evil doers would we be if we did what we said we would Tony: oh $#!^ now you're speaking like him too Loki, cutting his shoulder to reveal cake: Just so you know, it wasn’t JUST the vehicles ;)

---

Peter: *following loki around with a notepad* Loki: Terribly sorry if you mind but he's MY intern now. Tony: You don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you’re doing, do you? Loki: I don’t think anything I’ve ever done is wrong Peter:  *avidly taking notes and nodding along*

---

T’challa: I cant believe you filed an application for ‘time off’ Shuri: I NEED at least 3 hours a week reserved specifically for training if I want to keep my part-time job T’challa: you don’t NEED a job! You make up 90% of Wakanda’s research and development departments! Your technology work IS a job! Shuri: yeah well my ACTUAL job is fun and has proper work benefits and I simply must empty the time blocks I specified for it! You wouldn’t stop me from meeting with Peter and Morgan would you? They ARE, legally and spiritually speaking, my siblings, brother :) T’challa: what job could you have that would need you reminding me that a mischief deity adopted you before telling me what the job actually is Shuri: The official position is called Secretary of Evil but that’s only for the probationary 2 week period and I’m allowed to request a name change if I think of anything better T’challa: T’challa: you are working as a SECRETARY?! Shuri: The job pays well, Brother, T'challa:  T'challa: mother will be so disappointed

---

Scott: I can’t believe you did that Maggie: I didn’t know he was a supervillain! OBVIOUSLY! Scott: how would you noT KNOW! He wears nothing buT LEATHER and BELTS and GREEN BOOTS AND- Maggie: I needed someone to watch her and she showed up in pink sweatpants and a black tank top and was charging a decent rate Scott: Scott: are you sure their name was loki

---

Clint: you told me it was a ‘family gathering’! Tony: yeah, it is, and the avengers are family Clint, pointing at Loki: so what’s the twink doing here and why are MY kids along with every other person here who is under drinking age clinging to him like a frickin’ koala bear Tony: morgan wanted to get her ‘the floor is lava’ badge and loki was the only one immune to the lava so they jumped him - and he enjoyed walking around covered in them way more than he should have -  and also loki is legally peter and morgan and harley and shuri’s godparent so he’s allowed to be here on more of a basis than anyone else here at this point Clint: There was LAVA near MY KIDS?! Tony: no of course not – it was FAKE lava that just looked and functioned like real lava Clint: im taking them all home Tony: good luck convincing them not to want another playdate Clint: this isn’t a joke Tony Tony: I’m serious. Good luck. The kids love him, and you’ll need all the luck you can get if you want them to ever root for the side of good instead of wherever-loki-is-at instead. 

---

Pepper: *watching the news* Pepper: oh hey the Avengers are on Peter, running into the room: woW NICE Pepper: wtf why is Hulk wearing giant boxing gloves Peter: Language! Pepper: is Steve's shield padded?! Peter: i don’t remember that being normal Pepper: did most of the Avengers just ditch Steve? Why’re they leaving Peter: I guess the danger must be over? Pepper: WHAT is going ON out there today Peter: I think Loki had planned an attack today so maybe he did it as a joke Pepper: oh they're facing Loki yeah okay that explains it Peter: Loki always does the funniest things of course he baby-proofed all the Avenger's gear! Classic Loki! :D

-meanwhile-

Captain America, tears streaming down his face: pl,,ease, loki,, stop,t his, I cant hit ,,a child Loki: Look at you, the American icon, unable to save all these innocent people from having their skin turn into primary colours, all because you are TOO AFRAID to fight me! Captain America: I’m a national icon, not a good soldier but a good man, I will do whatever it takes to keep innocents safe, but I can NOT beat up someone who isn’t even legal enough to vote Loki: I was around causing chaos before this ‘voting’ was even invented! And I’ll NEVER legally vote even if I could!! mwahahAHAHA- Falcon, to Bucky in the background: How did we not realise he was a teen, all his comebacks are ‘no u’ and ‘uno reverse card’ and ‘look over there!’ Bucky, to Falcon: I don’t know but I really really want to know where he gets his outfits from Falcon: if it means I’ll be seeing you geared up in leather again then I want to know where he gets his outfits from too ;‘) Thor: I think my brother makes his own outfits Loki, still tormenting Captain America: *SISTER Thor: ah, my bad Captain America, crying x2: wait does this mean I’ve been lobbing my shield at not just a child, but I’ve been misgendering them while doing it?! Loki: only occasionally and I don’t blame you that was on me for monologuing too long, really— Captain America, taking off the helmet: nope I’m done Loki: what are you doing Steve, handing Sam the shield: It’s yours. Enjoy. Sam: woah woah woah what’re you doing you cant retire just like that  Steve, unzipping his suit to reveal American flag boxers: watch me Bucky to Sam: hello new best friend Sam, realising that Cap and Bucky are a duo: oh no no no STEVE is your best friend Bucky: he hasn’t been my ‘best friend’ since I saw him with the American flag splayed over his butt Loki, holding his hand out for Sam to shake: Hello there new Captain America its nice to meet you formally, my name is Loki and yes I’m a child but I’m actually 1075 but that is irrelevant if I’m causing trouble and looking for a fight, I’m also genderfluid so yes sometimes my pronouns will be different but I’ll be sure to inform you if it happens Sam: what are you doing Loki: I’m… formally introducing myself Sam: Sam: why?? Loki, blinking to hide that he’s getting teary eyed: well, the last national icon I didn’t do this with ditched me because I didn’t Bucky, a trained assassin, who isn’t a fool: *hugs loki* that wasn’t your fault steve just likes to carry the stupid with him Loki: thanks Bucky: is this a bad time to ask where you get your clothes from…? Loki: I make them Bucky: oh. Well $#!^. Loki, sniffing: if you join the dark side I’ll make you some too Bucky, immediately: done. Sam: JAmES Bucky deadpan: Yes, Samuel, what is it that troubles you, my new arch nemesis? 

---

Sam: HE TOOK BUCKY Natasha: What do you mean ‘he took bucky’ he’s standing right next to you Sam: He’s “infiltrating the enemy” Natasha: *lifts an eyebrow and looks to Bucky* Bucky: It’s true. My loyalties lie elsewhere now. Natasha: ??? Bucky: note to self – unexpected outcomes confuse the black widow. Natasha: how did this happen?? Sam: he SOLD himself out to the ENEMY Natasha: well when you say it like THAT ;) — Bucky: I think friendship is a decent price to pay for decent clothing Natasha: ??? Sam: oh also I’m Captain America now because Steve broke down and quit Natasha: ?!?!?!

---

Peter, entering the room and high-fiving Loki: I heard you got Mr. Bucky to switch teams! Loki: well, my fashion skills ARE legendary Tony, under his breath: he’s not even trying and he’s gotten every kid and the freaking winter soldier on his side and I am so so grateful he isn’t actually TRYING to make everyone go bad

---

Bucky: we’ve been over this Steve, Loki is young but he’s also over a thousand years old Steve: I was beating up a KID, Bucky, a kid who was SMALLER and WEAKER than everyone else where he lived but wouldn’t EVER turn down a FIGHT for what he BELIEVES IN and he was probably BULLIED and I wanted the guy DEAD, Bucky– Bucky: don’t forget the genderfluidity thing Steve: he said it wasn’t my fault but I should’ve asked Thor after he referred to Loki as ‘she’ instead of thinking he’d made a mistake and I just can’t – he isn’t even old enough to DRIVE or VOTE or DRINK or BUY A KNIFE or -- Bucky, holding Steve and patting his back: hey now, there, there, it’ll be okay, Bucky: *gives Loki a thumbs up as he sits on the couch with popcorn and watches Steve be miserable*

---

Loki: We need to get through this locked door. Tony, quick, give me your card! Tony, handing the card over: Take it! Loki, pocketing it: Thanks! Morgan, fire at the door Morgan: *pulls out an iron man gauntlet painted green and gold* Tony: hOW COULD you deface YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT with GREEN Morgan: MINE is still being used as a paperweight. This is one of YOUR gauntlets.   Tony, under his breath: maybe it’s not too late to burn the physical evidence and hack Loki’s name off the digital copies of the adoption forms Loki, whispering back: oh its definitely too late. I’m already on your christmas card and everything.

[piabu]

BAKUGO KKATSUKI (x blind reader)

Getting into UA and becoming a hero, is every young kids dream. And for some its more realistic than it is for others. You always thought that your chance was slim, but when the letter came saying you got in to class 1-B, you were more than estatic. When it comes to stealth and combat your quirk comes in extremely handy. Using echo-location you can "see" many things others can't. Your ears are more sensitive to movement and noise, giving you an advantage, even though you are blind.

Being blind you had to have an aid in classes with you to be your eyes during lessons, but during training, you quirk was better than haveing 20/20 vision. UA was very accomotading to you and your aid. And for the most part everyone was nice. Monoma wasn't your biggest fan and often got on your nerves however.

Today as you entered the school someone bumped into you. You figured it was just Monoma picking on you again tho.

"Hey, watch it extra." the person grumbled. Not Mo.. The voice is somewhat familiar though.

"My appologies." You bowed facing what you thought was the boy. He stood beside you and clicked his tounge.

"Whatever." You heard footsteps and figured he was leaving. Quickly you activated your quirk to see his retreating form and some other students in the hall. His hair was spikey and his shoulders were slightly hunched. You tilted your head studying him.

A hand on your shoulder startled you. You turned your head in the direction of the hand. "Oh hey Erushī." you greeted your aid. "Did you happen to see who I bumped into?"

"Oh yeah, the angry blonde boy. Thats Bakugo Katsuki from class 1-A." Erushī explains. You think back to the some of the "horror stories" you have heard of the explosive teen.

"I see." You laugh at the irony of your statement. "What color is his hair?" Eru links her arm through yours.

"Blonde. Why?"

"Just forming a mental image." You shrug as the two of you enter the classroom.

(Timeskip to lunch)

Erushī walks you to the lunchroom and you sit with your usual table group. You think back to your encounter this morning and use your quirk to scan the lunchroom for Bakugo. You see his figure sitting at a table with some other students you assume are from his class.

"Earth to y/n!" Kendo says as she taps your shoulder. "You okay there?"

"Oh yeah. I'm fine." You flash a small smile to your friends, and close your eyes losing yourself in your mental images. They continue their conversation as you eat.

----

"Hey Bakubro!" Kirishima greets him, and scoots over for his friend to sit down. "You've been quiet today."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean!"

"Ah, theres the Bakugo we know." the redhead jokes.

Bakugo rolls his eyes and lifts his head to see you enter the cafeteria and sit at a table with you classmates. Mina notices him staring and follows his gaze.

"Her name is F/n L/n/." Pretty right! She is in class 1-B."

"Shut up Pinky. I didnt fucking ask." The blonde grumbles and focuses on his food.  Mina shrugs.

"I saw you looking, and thought you might wanna know."

"Well you thought wrong." He snaps. A smile creeps onto The pink girl's face and she winks at Kirishima, then guestures to Baku with a nod of her head.

Kiri gets the hint and his eye widen. Sero and Kaminari look between the three of them in confusion. Sero shrugs giving Kami a confused look. And the yellow head returns the look.

"Anyways, so aparently we are training with class 1-B after lunch." Sero says, breaking the silence that befell upon the group.

"Really! Cool!" Mina pipes up.

Katsuki steals a quick glance at you before getting sucked into the conversation by his friends.

(Time skip to sparring)

"Students will be paired up with someone not from their class to train with. Is that understtod?" Eraserhead explains the rest of the rules for training and Mic announces the partners. You were up against a girl named Hagakure. Her quirk was invisibility. You smiled at the perfection of the situation. Someone who is invisible to most, is not to you. You raise your hand.

"Yes y/n?" Aizawa calls on you.

"Could I perhaps have another partner. Hagakure's quirk is invisibility, but I can see her clear as day." you explain. A few heads turn as not many of the A students know of your quirk, but the hero agrees and pairs you up with Bakugo, and giving his partner to the invisible girl.

You all go get changed into your costumes and meet on the training grounds and get ready to spar. Your costume is quite simple. A pair of black leggings with thigh holsters for a few blades to fit. Your (color) top is cropped, sleveless and skin-tight. The lack of sleves allows for straps on your biceps to hold throwing stars. The outfit is pulled together with combat boots and a black blindfold over your eyes for dramtic effect.

"Whats with the blindfold extra? DO YOU UNDERESTAMATE MY POWER THAT MUCH?" Sparks fly from katsuki's palms as he accuses you.

"No, sorry. Its part of my costume. I dont doubt your abilities, Actually I admire how strong you are." You beam at the blonde. A blush tints his cheeks and he is thankful for the bindfld covering your eyes. "Shall we start?" you ask.

He grumbles a response and the two of you fly into action. You immediately activate your quirk and see his figure and take in his costume. Gauntlets. Avoid his hands at all costs. Katsuki moves to launch a blast your way and you move to the side, dodging it effectively. You use this advantage to get closer and land a punch to his shoulder. He spins on you and his elbow makes contact with your stomach. You cough as the wind is knocked out of you and quickly regain your composure. The thing with Bakugo is that he is a loud fighter. So you really wouldn't need your quirk much to fight him anyways. You see, or rather hear, his attacks before they happen.

"Why do you keep dodging? STOP HOLDING BACK DAMNIT!" You laugh quietly and take your blindfold off, wrapping it around your hand.

You decide to humor him and give in to his request. Katsuki is able to land a few hits on you, but for the most part he just tries to avoid your blades. Baku jumps and a blast comes your way and you duck down and slip under and between his legs. You unwravel the blindfold and wrap it around one of his ankles slamming him down onto the ground. You tie it around his other leg, imobilising him on his stomach.

Bakugo puts his palms on either side of him but you grab them and pin them behind his back with one hand, the other holding a blade to his wrists.

"Congratulations y/n." Present Mic says to you. You nod and get off your partner untieing him.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? YOU DIDN'T EVEN USE YOUR QUIRK! I TOLD YOU NOT TO HOLD BACK!" Katsuki explodes and his hand grabs your throat. His palms are warm and you can feel the slight sting of a burn.

"Y/N!" Erushī yells as she rushes up to you. Bakugo lets you go.

"Who the fuck are you?" he snarls.

"I am her AID." Eru says firmly. "L/n is blind." You cough and rub your throat and the two of them look at you.

"Im fine Erushī. And yes Bakugo, i did use my quirk. I may be blind, in a literal sense, but I can still see." He looks at you blankly, then to the girl beside you.

"My quirk is echo-location. I use sounds to see, and you my friend are very loud." You laugh and link arms with your aid. "Good fight." You bow and walk back to the changerooms.

----

'She is blind. That explains why she bowed in the wrong direction this morning, and the blindfold.' Katsuki thinks to himself. 'So she doesn't know what I look like. She probably doesn't even know what she looks like. She can't see facial expressions.'

Part of Bakugo was saddened by that. You were quite a good looking girl. But you would never know it. His thoughts drift to all the things you can and can't do. No wonder the other girl was always with you.

Kirishima clapped Bakugo on the back, pulling him from his thoughts. "Hey bro. How was it?"

Bakugo rolls his eyes and lets out an annoyed "tch," remembering that you pinned him. He shrugs Kiri away and heads to change.

"You should ask her out." the readhead says nonchelantly.

"That's none of your buisness Shitty Hair."

(Time skip)

You sat at home listening to music, when your phone buzzed.

"You have a text from and unknown number: Oi its Bakugo, I got your number from your friend." The automated voice on your phone read the text out loud.

"Text back: Hello there. Smiley face." you say to your phone. "Please name the contact Bakugo."

"Incoming call from: Bakugo."  You press on the screen to answer the call and hold it to your ear.

"Hello."

"Hi, meet me at the park near the school." Wow he is forward.

"Uhh.. sure i guess."

"10 minutes."

The line goes dead before you can respond and you turn your phone off. That might have been the shortest call ever. You go downstairs and ask your parent to drop you off. 10 minutes later you are sitting on a swing waiting for Bakugo.

"Can you see me?" Bakugo's voice startles you slightly.

"Sort of. I can see the outline of your figure. You have spikey hair." You say. He hums in agreement. You see/hear him move closer and he takes your hand in his, they are surpizingly soft.

"Can you see yourself?" he asks somewhat quieter.

"No, only from what i can feel.." You face him and your empty eyes stare at him.

"Your eyes are (e/c)." he says. "And your hair is (h/c). Your cheeks are pink."

"I know all that. Ive been told." You laugh dryly. "Can we sit on the grass?" Bakugo hums, and brings you out of the sand. He sits down and you sit next to him, bodies touching.

"Why do you keep your eyes open if you cant see?" he asks.

"I guess just to seem a little more normal. Does it bother you?" you explain.

"No. I like your eyes." You smile to yourself. The boy beside you is completly different from the one you were sparring with at school, and yet its the same person.

"I like this soft side of you Bakugo." you say.

'Its only for you.' he thinks. You feel his hand drop yours and move to your cheek. He turns your head to face him.

"Can you see me?" he asks again. You nod your head. His facial features are more visible to you but still fuzzy.

"What color are your eyes?" you ask.

"Red."

"May I touch you?" He doesnt answer, so you clarify. "Your face i mean."

"Yes."

Your hands come up to his cheeks and you take in all his facial features with your hands. Touching people allows you to have a better sense of what the person looks like and you add this to your mental image of the boy.

Katsuki grabs your wrists stilling your movements and brings your hands back down to your lap.

"Now i can see you." you say.

He stares at you for a brief moment and closes your eyes gently. His hand rests back on your cheek.

"Good." is all he says before his lips are on yours.

[badwolfwrites-sometimes]

Drawn Together: Chapter 14

Happy birthday to Veneziano and Romano!

Three months passed, the friendship between Feliciano and Ludwig now as strong as steel. Yet, something has been bothering Feliciano about it.

Artisloveandlife: Do you think its strange how we ve been friends this long but we havent even seen each others faces

By now, Feliciano was also used to Ludwig's fast responses, even if he did scold him occasionally for it.

Artisloveandlife: People will think you re desperate

Lutzie71: Do you think I am desperate, Feliciano?

Artisloveandlife: Well no but others might

Lutzie71: I am only talking to you. Others don't matter now

Artisloveandlife: I dont think you understand how romantic that sounds

Lutzie71: It is just your mind

Point was, Feliciano was used to Ludwig's way of texting. From his perfect grammar to extreme time punctuation, but Feliciano liked him that way.

Lutzie71: I don't think it is all that unusual Lutzie71: There are people who enter relationships online, but have never seen each other  Lutzie71: On the contrary, I would call it an internet phenomenon

Artisloveandlife: Hmm Artisloveandlife: I guess your right Artisloveandlife: But i really wanna see your face Artisloveandlife: I bet you look super cute

Lutzie71: You're* Lutzie71: I don't see why not Lutzie71: But I want to see your face as well Lutzie71: It is only fair

Artisloveandlife: Deal Artisloveandlife: Show yourself warrior

*Lutzie71 has sent a picture*

Artisloveandlife: Wow you look like a viking Artisloveandlife: Are you a viking in secret Ludwig

Lutzie71: No, but I do have relatives in Scandinavia Lutzie71: Most people tell me I am scary at first, this is new

Artisloveandlife: Well you are kinda scary but i live with lovi Artisloveandlife: Nothing beats that

Lutzie71: That is reassuring Lutzie71: Now, a deal is a deal

Artisloveandlife: Wait im looking for the perfect lighting

*Artisloveandlife has sent a picture, half an hour later*

Artisloveandlife: I know it took me a while dont complain Artisloveandlife: Feat gino cuz we re cute

Lutzie71: I can't deny that Lutzie71: Gino steals the spotlight, but you aren't that bad yourself

Artisloveandlife: Very funny Artisloveandlife: Theres something else bothering me Artisloveandlife: Can you shorten you arent to yourent

Lutzie71: Feliciano, why Lutzie71: Let us go back to talking about pictures Lutzie71: I love the background in your picture

Artisloveandlife: Thanks Artisloveandlife: Its the view from my window on the adriatic sea Artisloveandlife: That painting i made for alice and otto was supposed to be of the adriatic but i messed up

Lutzie71: I still think it turned out perfect

Artisloveandlife: Thanks even tho you say that every time Artisloveandlife: Whats that behind you tho

Lutzie71: It is my brothers room and that is his poster of some metal band whose name I can't decipher Lutzie71: The letters are too bloody

Artisloveandlife: Can i see them

Lutzie71: Sure

*Lutzie71 has sent a picture*

Artisloveandlife: Thats slipknot

Lutzie71: That was fast

Artisloveandlife: Its art so Artisloveandlife: I can read anything

Lutzie71: I am impressed Lutzie71: I haven't asked today how are you? How is the situation with your family?

Artisloveandlife: Pretty good meo has midterms now and is freaking out and lovi is doing good Artisloveandlife: He found a better job and he seems to like it Artisloveandlife: And gino and pookie are as amazing as always im pretty sure pookie found a gf

Lutzie71: That is cute Lutzie71: My dogs are splendid as well

Artisloveandlife: And gil

Lutzie71: Annoying me

Artisloveandlife: Like a good big brother

Lutzie71: You could say Lutzie71: I hope you don't mind but I showed him your picture Lutzie71: He says you are cute and that he would like to go out with you one day

Artisloveandlife: Gil is str8forward Artisloveandlife: I cant date you gil you re too far away and i need cuddles

Lutzie71: You have broken his heart Lutzie71: Good job Feliciano

Artisloveandlife: Ill take that as a compliment

Lutzie71: Fine by me Lutzie71: He is crying now Lutzie71: Drama queen

Artisloveandlife: Gil could act in an opera show

Lutzie71: He has 0 talent for singing though

Artisloveandlife: Savage Artisloveandlife: Hey Ludwig Artisloveandlife: Its getting kinda difficult to talk on tumblr Artisloveandlife: I stopped getting your messages normally Artisloveandlife: Are you fine with switching to whatsapp or something

This time, Ludwig didn't respond as quickly as he usually would. His message came 20 minutes late.

Lutzie71: This feels like a good time to reveal Betty's secret Lutzie71: She actually gave me your number despite you saying no Lutzie71: She said it is all about the yaois and left

Artisloveandlife: Im  Artisloveandlife: Im going to kill her but before that thank you for being a good human being Ludwig Artisloveandlife: Unlike someone Artisloveandlife: You can send me a text then but i might not respond immediately im probably yelling at her

A couple of minutes later, as Feliciano was angrily texting Elizabeta hate messages, a message came from an unknown number. All that was written in it was Skree skree. Even after the whole situation with Lovino and Grandpa Rome was halfway resolved, Ludwig and Feliciano kept their pigeon talk, leading Feliciano to know exactly who it was.

♡~Feli~♡: Hi Ludwig

Ludwig: Hello Feliciano

♡~Feli~♡: I was just texting Lizzie how much i hate her how are you doin

Ludwig: Pretty alright Ludwig: She is reading me your texts at the couch Ludwig: I didn't know you were so vulgar

♡~Feli~♡: Yeah well i was really angry and she deserved it ♡~Feli~♡: I got it from my brother

Ludwig: I have never met them, but Betty tells me that Romeo is cute and Lovino is a prick Ludwig: Her words, not mine

♡~Feli~♡: Shes not that far from the truth ♡~Feli~♡: Although we all know im the cutest one ♡~Feli~♡: Do you want to meet my brothers

Ludwig: Someday yes

♡~Feli~♡: Okay

Feliciano pressed the camera button on the edge of his screen, calling Ludwig for a video call. It was either bad connection or Ludwig's anxiety that led to several attempts of this action before they finally managed to contact each other.

Feliciano smiled at his screen, Ludwig was going to hear his voice for the first time ever and he was going to hear his. "Hello!" He said, a bit higher than he wanted it to come out.

Ludwig looked around, nervous at this new way of talking, before finally responding in his natural voice. "Hello, Feliziano."

It was no secret that Feliciano cringed at the way Ludwig pronounced his name, but he mostly blamed it on the bad sound quality. "Your voice is so deep, please tell me a Kraken is not going to come out of your mouth. Also, that's not how you pronounce my name."

Ludwig tried his best to hide a smile forming at the corner if his lips, but Feliciano saw right through his pixelated face. "There are no Krakens in my mouth. If there were any, it is being digested right now."

"Oh, thank God." Feliciano laughed.

"You didn't tell me how to pronounce your name." Ludwig commented.

"It's a hard c, not a z. You're not saying Venezia, you're saying, uh..." Feliciano took a moment to look for comparisons. "Alice!"

"Feliciano." Ludwig tried saying it again.

"Much better."

"So, the same rules apply for i as they do for e?"

"Yes. But only if they come after c or g. And if you put h in between, then they are pronounced normally. C is k and g is g, like parcheggio." Feliciano explained.

"I see. What does parcheggio mean?" Ludwig asked.

"Parking lot." Feliciano said. "But that's not why I called."

"I quite enjoyed this conversation." Ludwig smiled.

"Of course you did. By the way, you're very cute when you smile. Now, do you wanna meet my brothers?" Feliciano asked.

Ludwig ignored the comment on his smiling face, avoiding the blush that would have otherwise be very obvious. "Why not."

"Okay. I'll give you a tour of the house while I find them." Feliciano said, getting up from his bed and showing Ludwig his room. "This is my room. If you can't tell it apart from all other rooms, mine has the best view. Remember that."

"Alright." Ludwig answered.

Feliciano exited his room and made his way down the stairs to the living room. "Our house should be a hotel." He said and Ludwig laughed. It really did have a lot of stairs.

When he was finally on the living room stairs, Feliciano spotted Lovino and Antonio on the couch, cuddling. "Hi, Toni!" He greeted.

Antonio waved at him and Lovino just looked at him, annoyed that his fun was ruined. Feliciano directed his attention back to Ludwig. "You get to meet Toni today as well. Lucky you, Luddy!" He said and jumped on the couch, separating Lovino and Antonio.

"Okay so, Ludwig, this is Lovi." Feliciano said, showing the phone to Lovino so Ludwig could see him better. "Lovi, this is Ludwig. He's my friend."

Lovino took a moment to take in Ludwig's appearance. "Feli." He called. "Why does that potato have hair?"

Feliciano was just about to tell him off, but Ludwig interrupted them. "When you leave a potato too long underground, it develops hair." Ludwig held back his laugh.

Lovino scoffed. "Well, aren't you a smartass."

"It is nice to meet you too, Lovino." Ludwig said.

"Fun fact. It's mine and Lovi's birthday soon. We were born on the same day two years apart." Feliciano chimed in.

"Best. Birthday present. Ever." Lovino said, Ludwig noted the sarcasm in his voice.

"And Meo was born in June. He betrayed us." Feliciano continued and moved his phone away from Lovino, towards Antonio.

Antonio offered Ludwig a big bright smile. "Hello!"

Ludwig was just about to answer, but Feliciano decided that wasn't going to happen today. "This is Toni. He's Lovi's boyfriend and we might have interrupted one of their make out sessions now."

"Don't worry about it, Feli. Nice to meet you, Ludwig." Antonio said, patting Feliciano's hair.

"Nice to meet you as well." Ludwig smiled. "I must say, you look rather familiar. Have you been to Germany before?"

"No. But I have a friend there. I met him when he got really drunk here in Italy." Antonio shook his head.

"That sounds like something my brother would do." As if he was summoned, a voice which probably belonged to Ludwig's brother chimed in.

"What is this gossip about the awesome me?" Another figure appeared behind Ludwig, with platinum white hair and piercing red eyes. A large smirk was glued on his face when he saw Feliciano on the phone, but it immediately turned to something less seductive when he noticed the person next to Feliciano.

Gilbert grabbed the phone from Ludwig's hands and took a closer look. "Toni!?" He asked.

Antonio's eyes went wide. Following Gilbert's reaction, he snatched the phone away from Feliciano and smiled. "Gil!"

Feliciano and Lovino were both watching their reactions. What in the world just happened? Neither knew the answer.

Gilbert continued. "What the hell are you doing there?"

"Feli is my friend. I had no idea he was friends with your brother! It's so nice to see you again, Gil!" Antonio answered.

"The world is too small for the awesome me. Still, I can't believe I'm seeing you there of all people." Gilbert shook his head like a grandpa.

Feliciano let the two of them talk for a little while more before joining Antonio on the screen. Gilbert smirked again when he saw him. "I'm glad you two got to talk it all out, but can I have Ludwig back please?" Feliciano asked.

Gilbert made a wounded expression at Feliciano's words. "Toni, call me." He said, making a phone gesture by his ear before passing the phone to Ludwig.

Ludwig just stared at Feliciano confused. "I have no idea what just happened."

"Me neither, but I'm glad they get along." Feliciano said. "Ready to meet Meo?"

Ludwig nodded and spotted his brother talking on the phone to someone. Judging by the voice he heard in the background from Feliciano, he suspected he was back to talking to Antonio. Feliciano's brother was sure to kill him now.

Feliciano walked back up the stairs to a dark hallway, at the end of it was a smaller room which Feliciano opened. However, instead of being met with light from the outside, he was met with more darkness and some tears. "Meo?" He called.

"Hm?" Came a sniffling answer.

"Midterms?" Feliciano asked.

"Yup."

"Can you talk now? I want to introduce you to my friend."

"Okay. Gimme a second." There was a shuffling sound and soon Romeo was up and smiling and Feliciano turned on the lights.

He walked towards Romeo's bed and sat on it, showing him Ludwig. "Meo, this is my friend Ludwig. Ludwig, this is Romeo. He's the youngest."

"Why you gotta rub it in my face? Nice to meet you, Ludwig. Don't listen to this guy, whatever he tells you about me, it's all lies." Romeo smiled.

Ludwig returned the gesture. "So, your name isn't Romeo and you're not the youngest?"

"Is that really all you have to say about me?" Romeo commented, pinching Feliciano.

"Ow! That's a good enough introduction, what do you want from me?" Feliciano said, caressing his wound from being pinched.

"My apologies. He did tell me more, but it didn't seem relevant." Ludwig said. "You're majoring in Chemistry, right? Good luck with your midterms."

"Yeah. They are a disaster, but I love blowing things up more." Romeo laughed.

"You are just like my brother." Ludwig said.

"I think we should leave now, Ludwig. Let Meo suffer in his pain." Feliciano said, smirking. This was revenge for pinching him before.

"Alright. Goodbye, Romeo. Good luck once again." Ludwig said and Feliciano took off, sticking out his tongue for Romeo, earning himself a middle finger up from Romeo.

The rest of the day, Feliciano and Ludwig spent just talking to each other. Elizabeta and her husband Roderich joined them briefly as well as Gilbert, but they mostly talked between themselves. Ludwig talked quite a lot about his dogs and Feliciano couldn't help his smile when he did. Ludwig was absolutely glowing when he talked about his dogs.

"Do you want to talk like this tomorrow again?" Feliciano asked. The clock on his wall showing that it was already well past midnight.

"Sure, I don't mind. If it is just the two of us." Ludwig said.

"Just the two of us then." Feliciano smiled. "Good night, Ludwig."

"Good night, Feliciano." Ludwig said and Feliciano broke the call. He voted the call as excellent and shut down his phone, his battery giving up on life as he did.

Feliciano laid down in his bed, thinking about what an eventful day it was. He recited some of the conversations between himself and Ludwig before falling asleep with a smile on his face.

[seblore]

everyday i wake up and you still havent posted your evermore rant </3

there u go boo 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

GDBDNSKDJHHDDNDS GIRL................ ok so i very cleverly avoided ranking folklore because every song REALLY HIT and the whole album was just SO.. SO.. yeah. i can however rank miss evermore. i dont want to compare the two album i do not get the point in that. both give off really different vibes. now what i will say is with folklore, AS AN ALBUM, it is just a master masterpiece. The songs flowed amazingly with each other and really held you close the entire first listen. at least thats what I felt like <3 with evermore however, the individual songs are OMG!!! THERE IS LITERALLY NO SONG I DONT LIKE FROM ANY OF THE TWO ALBUMS. but as an album on the first listen i did feel a bit disconnected from evermore which didnt happen to me with folklore. why i think that might’ve happened is BECAUSE taylor is just so brilliant m8.... the MASSIVE contrasting emotions between the songs was too much for my little brain to handle.

Ok so now that’s out of the way dhsjsk time for rankings :) i have no idea where im going to put each song im just going to make it up as we go <3 ill ALSO give you my fave lyrics from each if I remember it <333 (oh and also you’ll notice marjorie isnt here. im sorry but i never listened to it after the first listen because it hits a little too close to home and i dont want to unpack all of that now im sorry! it is a beautiful song)

14. Closure: she popped off <3 she really said dont treat me like a situation that needs to be handled 💃🤙💯 a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics HOWEVER its the first song i couldnt connect with thus it’s down here BUT I STILL WOULD LISTEN TO IT ON REPEAT THO... the last in my ranking but still fucks 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ thats taylor swift 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

13. long story short: i have never been in a relationship ever BUT GODDAMN ‘pushed from the precipice, clung to the nearest lips’ hdjsksksjjddjnBbdns jddd ubebs!:!?:?:$3&39383$hzjs WOAH.... and this bitch really summarized the full 2016 drama with long story short it was a bad time. HILARITY. yeah not much to say here tho this is just the ‘at least one mandatory song to shake your tits to on each ts album’ song of evermore <3 and always remember that if the shoe fits walk in it TILL YOUR HIGH HEELS BREAK WOOH ANDIFELLDOWNTHEPEDESTALRIGHTDOWNTHERA—

12: dorothea: making a lark of misery :D RENt free. i had to listen to ‘if youre tired of being known for who you know you know youll always know me’ 113 times to finally understand it tho 😐 some of us are stupid and illiterate have you ever thought about that miss swift???? anyways TINGTINGTINGINGINGING THE STARS IN YOUR EYES SHINED BRIGHTER IN TUPELO <33333 such an innocent feel good song I LOVE!!!!!

11. ivy: the goddamn here and the hush of mirrorball ARE THE REASON IM STILL ALIVE 😽 another lyrical masterclass <3 ‘id live and die for moments that we stole on begged and borrowed time’ IS2G!!!!!!!!!!! anyways what if you cheated on your husband with me and i cheated on my husband with you and my pain fit in the palm of your freezing hands ���� JK JK 😅 unless...... 🤪😏 hdjsks yeah this song is magnificently cursed and i am in love with it 🧎‍♀️

10. tis the damn season: this song is august but the other side of the coin. august but four months later. AUGUST SLIPPED AWAY LIKE A BOTTLE OF WINE- THE HOLIDAYS LINGER LIKE A BAD PERFUMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... she sounds so pretty goshhh! ‘time flies messy as the mud on your truck tires NOW IM MISSING YOUR SMILE hear me out we could just ride around and the road not taken looks real good now’ is on repeat in my mind. and as always the bridge ::::::::::::::.............:::::::::::::: how does she do this everytime. ‘and wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles im faking’ 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ after every ts song i listen my expectations about true love grows exponentially and my chances of finding true love falls exponentially simultaneously ADIEU.

9. willow: she really took the invisible string quartet and put it in huh..................... FUCKED IN THE HEADDDDDDDDDDDDDD. what can i say <3 its just such a pretty song <3 hashtag gorgeous hashtag i cant say anything to its face. WRECK MY PLANS!!!!!! WRECK IT BITCH!!! ‘wait for the signal and ill meet you after dark’ LOVE STORY WHIPLASH. also mate i cant even focus on the song she looks SO GOOD in the music video i—

8. happiness: !!!! what can i say.... one of the best songs of the album hands down. lyrical masterpiece AND musically rich. she really logged into tumblr dot com and typed out ‘THERE’LL BE HAPPINESS AFTER YOU’ AND ‘THERE WAS HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF YOU’ ARE IDEAS THAT CAN COEXIST and logged off...... h8 her and her insanity. the one word i have to describe this song is: picturesque. tis a picturesque song <3 oh and dfbhhffcbhDDVHHTRSDVJK when i heard ‘i hope she’ll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you’ i audibly GASPED and then she says ‘no i didnt mean that sorry i cant see facts through all of my fury’................. i fell out of my chair. IT FELT LIKE AS IF SHE HEARD MY GASP AND TOLD ME SPECIFICALLY THAT NO SHE DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT... anyways yeah. ill write an article one day named THE SWIFT DECEPTION OF TAYLOR about how she keeps writing songs with deceptive titles and this will be the opening case 😈🤙 also the fact that this is one of my faves and i put it in number 8 says a lot......

7. evermore: i havent recovered from ‘motion capture. put me in a bad light’. i mean come on the whole goddamn song is a lyrical masterpiece. ‘writing letters addressed to the fire’. IS SHE OK!????????????? i think tf not. beautiful song beautiful arrangement. iver sounded really good too. and lol lol rofl WOOFWOOFbarkbark ‘HEY DECEMBER GUESS IM FEELING UNMOORED’ unmoored definition from google dot com: no longer attached. she doesn’t go back to december anymore. about2 faint oml. long story short: i did not survive. THIS PAIN WOULD BE FOR EVERMORE........ what i felt with this song is that she took the quarantine sadness we all felt at least once this year and made it into a masterpiece of a song. couldve been easily the top song on any album except this. no i will not elaborate <3

6. no body no crime: i cannot believe. she teased us with a musical number. this woman teased us with. a musical number. I THINK SHE IS WRITING A MUSICAL BUT I JUST CANT PROVE IT! when she wins that tony 16 years later call me prophetic xoxo. anyways yeah she literally wrote this to flex her storytelling abilities. send tweet 🐥

5. cowboy like me: YEEEHAWWW I’LL BE HONEST WITH YOU I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FULL SONG SOUNDS LIKE I JUST HAVE THE BRIDGE ON REPEAT!!!! OMFG!!! the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up. AAAA!! ??? STFU. IM NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE LYRICS MATE THE WAY ITS SUNG!!!!!!! GUT WRENCHING! the best bridge she has ever written musically. i cant stop listening to it. REALLYYY DID BELIEEEVE I WAS THE ONEEE. STORIESSS ABOUT WHEEEN YOU PASSSEDDD THROUGHH TOWN. y e l l. and then she hits me with ‘now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon.’ L ???? M !!!!! A $$$$$ O “”””” i had to pause it and sit there for 10 minutes to take in what i had just heard. case closed critical hit sustained yeedhawd.

4. tolerate it: i cried. the only reason it’s not 1 is because it hurt me too much. WHAT THE FUCK YOU MF YOU ASSUME IM FINE BUT WYD IF I BREAK FREE AND LEAVE US IN THE RUINS???? TOOK THIS DAGGER IN ME AND REMOV— m8 this physically hurts me everytime. if its all in my head TELL ME RN. aghhh aRghhhhhhh. pain. and lol she broke down sleep to its bare essentials ‘breathing with your eyes closed’.

3. ??? coney island: i know it’s a bit of a controversial top three but WHO CARES 🕴this is solely here for ‘AND IM SITTING ON A BENCH IN CONEY ISLAND wondering where did my BABYy GO’ im shaking. my bed is shaking. my body is shaking. my pupils are shaking. THE WAY SHE SINGS IT OH MY GOODNESS ME i have to lie down gimme a sec. ‘and if this is the long haul howd we get here so soon 😟’ SCREAM. and when i was hearing it for the first time and she said ‘sorry for not making you my centerfold’ i was like yeah and?? so what?? and then she hits me with ‘over and over’...... so she didnt make him/her/them her centerfold over and over !!!!!!! she is sorry she didnt do it over and over!!!!!! mannn.... the chorus.. i shall not speak. i am held at gunpoint i CANNOT SPEAK. the bridge tho dhdnsksksjsb I CAN SPEAK AND I SHALL SPEAK. BITCH WENT OFFFFFFFF. <3 this is the apology she deserved from her exes which she never got so she wrote it herself. podium. grey skies. birthday cake. ACCIDENT. im laughingggggggggggg <///3 and yeah so overall it is a really yummy song with yummy vocals and yummy arrangement 9/10 would recommend. also!! life lessons kids life lessons. disappointments? SIMPLY CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PRETEND YOU DO NOT SEE IT YAAAAAAAAAS

2. gold rush: ETHEREAL!!!!!! The last time i felt like this™️ whilst listening to a song was with mirrorball <3 the production of this song omg omg omg LOVE 💃 but what propelled it to number two status was the ‘i dont like slow motion double vision in ROSE BLUSH/ i dont like that falling feels like flying till the BONE CRUSH’ imagine how fucked in the head a person needs to be to rhyme rose blush with bone crush. yeah i have nothing more to say really this song is extremely gorgeous and ‘eyes like sinking ships on water so inviting i almost jumped in’ / ‘walk past quick brush’ ?:!:!&:8483 F A V E <33333 and the transition transmission transfusion from ‘... gray old tea cuz itll never be ᵍˡᵉᵃᵃᵃᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʷⁱⁿᵏˡⁱⁿᵍᵍᵍᵍ’ MADAME

1. champagne problems: are we surprised? ARE WE REALLY SURPRISED? when listening to new albums i normally listen to it at one go in order. i stick to that rule. HOWEVER after many years of my solid album listening self made rule tm i finally broke and immediately replayed this mf song after listening to it once. ‘you had a speech, youre speechless/ love slipped beyond your reaches’???? stfu???? VILE. PUNISHABLE. DEROGATORY. and welp the entire bridge ...... .... ........... what can i say. And the parallels to miss all too well??? WHAT WAS THE REASON???? your SISTER splashed out on the bottle- left my scarf there at your SISTER’s house 😐 she’ll patch up your tapestry that i SHRED- maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you TORE it all up 😐 your MOM’s ring in your pocket- your MOTHER’s telling stories bout you on the tee ball team 😐 November flush and your FLANNEL cure- PLAID shirt days and nights when you made me your own 😐 wHAT A SHAME SHE IS FUCKED IN THE HEAD IS2G........... and also why would she not rhyme POCKET with LOCKET?????? why with wallet???????????? slant rhyme why????????????? AND THE NOTE THIS MF SONG ENDS ON..... FUCKED IN THE HEAD

THATS IT. i really sat here and did this for the past 2 hours huh...... hhdjsms anyways LONG STORY SHORT: I HATE ONE INSANE WOMAN AND HER NAME IS TAYLOR ALISON SWIFT. GODSPEEED 🏃‍♀️

[cursedthoughtz]

first post (5.28.2020)

11:55pm

i wonder what other people think about, the small little thoughts that cross their mind day to day. i wonder if i’m really as different as i think i am. i’ve always had darker thoughts, but not the scary kind. never towards other people, always towards me. 

thoughts i dont think i could share with anyone or say out loud. Ive long stopped going to therapy. my therapist was the only one who even knew a crumb of what goes on in my stupid, hilarious, mean head. i once told him that sometimes id be in the middle of a decent and pleasant conservation and id say something just a tad awkward, like 4/10 if we were measuring and my mean brain would immediately start repeating it over and over to me, calling me stupid and retarded. ive never really felt in control of my brain. quite the other way around actually. it has me on a leash. although i have gotten extremely better than what it used to be. it used to tell me to bash my head into corners of tables. and it would imagine all the gory details, and then after forcing that image into my head (usually in public too, sometimes school) it would play a mini slideshow of my mom and sister crying, and my best friend wailing as she heard the news of this horrible, horrible, unimaginable thing id done to myself. and for no reason either. all that for a little bit of awkwardness. i used to be so comfortable telling suicide jokes. for some reason it like “came into trend” or something. kms was the most used acronym for a while. i could say it constantly and it felt like this big weight off my shoulders because i was finally saying it out loud but in a socially acceptable way and people would laugh, and i would feel happy for a split second. but then id realize what we were all laughing about. laughing about the fact that i just said i wanted to jump off a bridge. ive stopped doing that and now suicide jokes make me quite uncomfortable. i hate when other people say it. the mean judgmental hypocritical never-been-wrong-in-its-life side of my brain will assume that the person saying “kill me” because they were late to work has never known the true pain of that feeling before. and they should shut the fuck up because they've never been lying in the fetal position on the floor of their bedroom, crying until they cant breathe, just replaying every traumatic thing that has ever happened to them. wishing and praying to a god they dont believe in to just take them out of this planet because they cant stand another minute trapped inside their head with cursed thoughts. but then i take a deep breath and remember i used to say that probably 15x a day. and i damn well meant it. i said it with a huge stupid cheesy smile on my face too, so i have no right taking away what could be their little comfort of expressing that burden. that used to be me.

its hard when youre sad or depressed to not feel superior or like youre in the most pain and nobody would even be able to stand it for a second if they were in your shoes. but the truth is thats stupid. as fuck. everybodys got that little mean voice in their head (i think, at least i hope. cause if not i need to be admitted somewhere lmfao) some peoples mean voices are just louder. but what do i know. nobody's even reading this right now, thank god. but if you are, dont listen to me. i like to lie to myself and pretend i have all the answers and i know everything about life because of all the fucked up stuff ive had to go through. but genuinely, the truth is no one knows shit. not unless they can magically read everyone minds. “we only have our own ideas of other peoples ideas” (i stole that from bo burnham. man is a comedy legend) 

ew i just reread this and it sounded so cringy. what am i 13 years old again? jesus christ. its truly hard to read. but this what i decide to waste my time thinking and writing about, so i guess id better be exposed to that harsh reality sooner or later. i dont want you (imaginary person reading this) to get this impression of me, like im that emo kid from the lorax. im not. in real life i think i come across quite normal. thats the reality of depression i guess. its always right in front in you. can you imagine if i told my coworkers i used to think about bashing my head into walls??? right now they think im some ditzy, happy-go-lucky dumbass with her head in the clouds, which dont get me wrong, does coexist with the other part of my brain. but i just couldn't even imagine the look on their faces if i ever told them what i really think about. which brings me right back to the beginning..... what do they think about?

[prissypickle]

I did it

One year ago today I finished highschool. One year ago today I finished the toughest journeys of all times. Highschool was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. There was so many people who ruined it but there was so many people who made it better for me. My freshman year I attempted suicide and was admitted to a mental hospital and and no school wanted to take me in. At the time Fir Ridge Campus didn’t take in freshman. So I had no choice but to drop out. David Douglas straight up told me that I couldnt go there. I had too many problems and They couldn’t give me an education. In spring of my freshman year I enrolled in an online school called metro east web academy. Of course with all my mental health issues I had no motivation to do any of it. In the end I only got one credit for it. And that was for creative writing. I’m with ICTS which is where people come outd to your house three times a week for therapy. So I was with them for six months. It was hard saying goodbye. But then I went yo seeing a therapist once a week. I was still cutting often. But back to my schooling, I didn’t do anything and my mom was so pissed at the david doglas school district because the refused to put me in a school and finally she wrote a three page nasty letter saying how I needed to be in a school and thats how I got to fir ridge.

My freshman year I was so scared. I couldn’t tell you how scared I was. I didn’t go to school. I was fucked up in the head, cutting and I didn’t know anyone. So I didn’t really talk to anyone on my first day. But within a few days I met a small group of friends that I could relate to. Which was great. The next best thing was that there was a school counselor and a therapist that came to the school. So on top of going to seeing a therapist once a week I went to see him once a week. He was from Trillium services. He was a great therapist. I saw him from 45 minutes to an hour. My school counselor was mamed Michael and he was probably the best counselor anyone could ask for. He understood me. When I needed my space he let me sit in the office or library and do my work. When I had my mental break downs he gave me a quiet space. He was amazing. I have terrible anxiety with loud noises and whenever we had a firedrill I would cry and have a panic attack when there was he warned me and brought me to the office telling me when so I wasnt as afraid. As I said. He was the best school counselor anyone could ask for.

I had this friend. Her name was Iris. I cared for her so so much she was my first friend I made in middle school and she went to a diffent school but she had problems at the time and so she was looking into my school and I was thrilled. But before ahe came she also had issues and so she went to a rehab place. I called her family every day to see how she was doing. I sent flowers and cards because well, wouldn’t a best friend do that? When she got out she started at Fir Ridge Campus a bit later. I was so happy we reunited again. We started having sleep overs and everything. Okay? But one time during a sleepover she stole her parents credit card and bought something, which was a peircing kit and I had no idea so she came to my house when it was delivered and took it before I was home. I’ll also mention around two years ago she stole my ipod. But anyway so this happened and it happened once more but with tea but ahe sent it to her house instead of mine. So her mom was like “you arent ever allowed to see her again” blaming me for her daughter peircing herself. That was the hardest thing for me to hear because she was my best friend. Or so I thought she was. I believe this was all happening during my Junior year or late sophomore I cant remember it was so hectic. Ill come back to this bitch a little bit later.

But my Junior year I did this amazing thing called camp pheniox. That was the second the best and worst part of highschool. Its a two day overnight camp plus 4 weeks of after care. During the two nights you broke yourself down talking about the horrible things in life and at the end you are rebuilding yourself and raising up into a pheniox. During the process you did multiple activites which were happy, sad and heartbreaking realizing how fucked up and broken you were on the inside. One of the days you clumb a tree and tell everyone what you committ to. And I said I committ to my family and my support system. And then you had to walk on a tightrope with another person and jump when you couldnt do it anymore. And the other classmates are completely in control of the rope and your harness. Then the second activity we did was get in a harness and go up and your classmates pull you up until you say stop. Basically a gaiant swing okay. So I was letting go past teachers which I will get on explaining to more. And then letting in good teachers and then you yank it and I did a 90 foot free fall and holy shit was that fun. As i said it was the best and wors part of it because i landed up in teen intensive outpatient because I was cutting and I was extremely depressed.

But back to the teacher thing. There was a history teacher her name was Karen and she was a bitch to me. She hated me. And She KNEW i struggled with anxiety and she KNEW that I hated being with loud people and so I always needed to go to the office to see a counselor and I always finished up my work at home. And finally she was like you have to go to detention to finish this. And so Im in the office complete sobbing and my council waves it off. And other time with her was when my counselor talked to her about it she didnt talk to me for 3 DAYS like seriously she was so immature. Then When I came back from thr weekend she didnt call on anyone else but me. Then at the end of the week there was a new seating chart and I came in late because I was talking yo the trillium therapist okay and she shows me my seat and Im calm and I say no. And shes like yes. And I calmly explain to her why I cant go sit next to him because be gave me anxiety. And then she PROCEEDS to yell at me infront of the whole class who is now stairing at me and Im completely crying now infront of the class go to the principals office to fucking write me a refferl because i was arguing with her. Which the princapal immediately threw it out. The princapal at the time was absolutely amazing. She took me out on the track as I cried and walked with me.

So my junior year is happening and I went to camp pheniox and outdoor school it was great okay. So I went to outdoor school for my third session and I broke my ankle and had to stay home for a week and you remember this Iris girl who is my best friend??? Well not anymore. When I was away at outdoor school where I couldn’t DEFEND myself she went to the counselor and said. That I raped her and drugged her with majauana. And In like balling my eyes out because Im so fucking confused and why she did that. And so the counselor literally asked if I did it and Im like what the fuck do you really think I did it. And Im like crying at her because Im so upset. Like who in the right mind would accuse someone of rape. I mean I work with children. I was a swim instructor at the time. If she went to the police I could’ve been arrested and fired from my job which she didnt go because she knew she was a lying skank ass bitch. Also they couldve drug tested me because I wasnt even smoking at the time! And so Im in the office and my counselor is like “what are you feeling?” And I littlerly upfront say” I want to punch this bitch in the face,” she she looked at me “you cant do that” and Im like “no shit I cant do it. I want to but tgat doesnt mean I am going to.” And she sighs like after and hour of fuming she tells me Im not allowed to tell ANYONE and Im like fine whatever.

But I go to my momma jill and tell her and I like an crying to her and shes just holding me. But seriously then the vice principal calls me in during third period to talk more about what happened ALSO i had a freaking alliby because I was at fucking teen Intensive outpaitent during the time she accused me! Basically it was a whole clusterfuck

. It got 100% worse when there was an assembly and youll never guess who was running it the skank ass Iris. So she started talking about rape. And then she says “someone here raped me” and then she looked over at me. I kid you not. And my dad was there and he stood up and I cant remember exactly what he said but it was along the lines of “you shouldnt accuse anyone of rape either,” he said or something like that Im to busy crying and my teacher holding my hand. Finally my dad comes over to me and says were leaving. So my worst fear now the whole school knows that Iris accused me of rape and drugging her. So im literally in the gym having the WORST mental breakdown of my life and I mean screaming at the too of my lungs dropping to the knees hitting the floor. There was the security guy and Joey one of the teachers along with the princapal and vice principal trying to calm me down. And my dads crying because hes upset because of what Iris had said. And they told me to stay home for a few days until I could calm down.

So I came bac the following monday. I was so depressed I wanted to die. I almost had another suicide attempt but I thought about Taylor Swift and how I would never get t meet her and that just made me hold onto life just a little bit longer. So by the end of the year it was time for prom and so I was nominated for.... you guessed it prom court equivalent to prom princess/prince and can you guesd who was nominated too? That bitch Iris. So we were BOTH up against each other and trust me I was NOT going to let her win. So I baked my ass off and probably made over 200 cupcakes and fed them to the entire school and when I was time for prom. I won. I won prom princess. That was the best night of my entire life. My entire highschool carrer I felt normal. Everything was perfect

. Soon my Junior year ended. And summer came and went and my Senior yesr started. I only needed 1 credit to graduate .5 government .5 global studies. So I took government first which I got like knocked down a ton because i refused to do presentations because i hate speaking infront of a class but I still passed with a A. Then global studies I REFUSED to take with Karen again. So I did 5 at least 250 page packets in one quarter. And I still graduated early two quarters early. I started school my sophomore year because they didnt count it as a freshman and ended my senior year. I worked my ass off. And I graduated in 2 1/2 years. I graduated. I did it. I made it. Evern after a suicide attempt. Witnessing my mom attempt suicide my sophmore year, Iris accusing me of rape. All of that and I still graduated and I was second in class too. I’ve never been more proud of myself in my entire life. I didnt think id ever make it here. I thought in 2014 I was going to die. But I didnt. I’m still here. Alive and succeeding in life. Im a caregiver now. I’m getting my CNA in July. I made it. I did it.