#i guess it could be because his brain structure may or may not be literally altered? idk i'm still trying to figure out if i want to make-

[mad-hunts]

i'm sure y'all already know how petty barton is because i feel like i talk about it all the time... but allow me to ramble about one of the pettiest things he has arguably ever done to someone else, and that is that whenever barton is feeling quirky — you know, just a bit silly — he likes to call into the GCPD and make up complaints about jim gordon in different voices even though he knows he likely isn't going to get fired for it. barton just HATES him that much, and he thinks it's funny, so i can guarantee y'all that every single time after he makes one of these calls he cackles like a damn hyena 💀 and then he'll go on with his life as if he wasn't trying to ruin someone else's... like, if he wasn't evil, then i think he might just have made a good comedy actor BAHAHA

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Thoughts on Last Twilight Ep. 5

Okay so a tell tale sign of a really good show for me is when I am rendered incapable of talking about it, which is why you’ve never seen a single analysis of I Told Sunset About You or I Promised You the Moon out of me, because if I think about that show too hard the bees return to my brain. And I’m having that problem with Last Twilight too where my chest feels absolutely bursting with feelings but I do not know that I am capable of writing anything about this show that is structured or coherent without prompting. So, here’s some incoherent ramblings I guess. 

First off, Aof is fucking brilliant and I am really desperately in love with the way that Mhok and Day just so beautifully complement each other/round each other out. I love that they have two completely disparate backgrounds and yet they can relate to one another so well. 

Mhok was literally imprisoned, and with the ankle monitor and very likely under some form of house arrest or curfew. Mhok walked through the world after his release from prison completely branded as a criminal, and unable to maintain his career because people always took him at face value. Day lost his career because of his blindness, and then willfully imprisoned himself in his own room because of how heavily he was grieving. 

Mhok knows what it is like to be looked at and judged, and I really loved earlier on in the show how confused he was at why Day would be bothered by that, presumably because he got used to being stared at himself. And I love that Mhok learned his lesson about that by trying to understand Day in a way no one has really taken the time to do for Mhok himself. I love that Mhok is able to take his own experiences of being stared at as a comparison for what it is like to not know if you are being looked at and judged. 

Rung lost her life, and that has fundamentally impacted Mhok and Mhok’s relationship to his sister. Similarly, Day lost (or at least thought he lost) the life he had which has fundamentally impacted himself and his relationship to Night. I don’t know that I have enough information yet to definitively declare how Rung’s death has impacted Mhok’s behavior and approach to life, but I do like to think that Mhok’s experience around Rung’s death, the fact he wasn’t there for her, the fact that he had to go through his first year of life without her imprisoned, may have been a contributing factor to how and why Mhok is so determined to get Day to live his life again. 

I don’t know, I was just thinking about Mhok’s suggestion that Day does his normal thing and goes to Gee’s game immediately following a conversation about Rung’s death and how he thought he would be able to make her False Rice again some day, just felt so clarifying to me as to how and why Mhok approaches Day the way he does. Because Day and Mhok both understand the meaning of “I thought I had more time” so well, for such fundamentally different reasons. 

gif by @casualavocados

I love that Mhok is starting to open up more to Day. Which, when you think about it, Mhok has been pretty private about his life despite knowing so much about Day’s life right out of the gate. I personally read this as a strong indicator for Mhok’s feelings for Day and how he is making a concerted effort to move from caretaker to lover. And there are so many fun layers to that relationship because their current relationship is not balanced. There is a bidirectional imbalance in the caretaker and client relationship. Mhok has power over Day’s daily life and if he wanted to he could have radically more control over Day’s autonomy. As Day’s caregiver, Mhok inherently has access to much more personal information about Day than Day would have for Mhok. Yet Day is still his employer, still his boss, working for Day is still what pays Mhok’s bills. So in order to sort of bridge that divide, Mhok needs to start working to shift their balance. Mhok already balances the physical caretaking elements of his relationship to Day rather well, and has let Day determine what he can do on his own and what he needs help with, so he isn’t stripping Day of his autonomy. 

If Mhok really wants a chance with Day, then the needs to reciprocate the personal information, and I love how smoothly everyone handled the scene. I think Sea did a phenomenal job with how he had Day react to Mhok’s story, as if some things started clicking in to place for him. Day and Mhok have never talked about Mhok’s background, at most Day has brushed aside the information about Mhok having assault charges. I don’t know yet that Day understands just how much Mhok is capable of relating to Day’s feelings and experiences, because he’s been so busy in the past few episodes focusing on how much Mhok is incapable of relating to Day’s feelings and experiences. 

I am not the first, nor will I be the last person to say that I loved the allusions to Day and Mhok’s relationships to their siblings. Once again there is some commonality between them there, in that their relationships are complex. We currently have a very limited view of Rung. As far as we know she was ambitious and hopeful, and then she hit a really bad low after her nail salon failed and ultimately completed suicide. We haven’t seen any indication from flashbacks or the like of Rung’s flaws, we haven’t actually seen her fail Mhok, or be heartless to Mhok. Yet Mhok agrees with Day’s initial comment that the hydrangeas means heartless. Because Mhok is still mad at Rung for leaving him, he is still stuck in his grief. We haven’t seen him put in any time or effort to process his own pain, instead Mhok is doing what grieving people do, and helping someone else instead. 

I am sure Rung was not a perfect person, I am hoping we get more flashbacks of her and get to see more of her flaws, more of the relationship she and Mhok actually had. I am hoping we get a change for Day to help Mhok navigate his own pain, just like Mhok has been helping Day. But it was certainly interesting to see the parallels between Day saying that Mhok has fallen for Night’s act, thinking him nice while Mhok has associated his sister with heartlessness. 

gif by @casualavocados

And I don’t know that I have the energy to get in to it right now in any further detail (hey look at me, trying to keep things short), but I do just want to acknowledge the fact that Mhok has really committed to giving Day as much of a sensory experience as he can. When Mhok took Day out on the practice date, he wore perfume so Day could smell him (and as an aside I love that Mhok puts effort in to making himself look good even though Day can’t see him). When Mhok took Day out on the walk to cheer him up, he brought him to a bridge on a public road, where there are sounds, and there is a fence that Day can feel; he brought him to a flower shop where Day can smell and feel the flowers and where there are bright colors that might register within Day’s limited vision. 

Mhok was constantly touching Day in so many different ways. Casual/platonic touch when he’s performing his duties as caregiver; quickly and playfully when he’s trying to get Day to chase him; heavily and intentionally when he’s both comforting Day and when he’s turning up the charm. One of my favorites is honestly the moment that Day lets his fingers curl around Mhok’s hand when Day switches to using August as a guide. 

Anyway, I love this show so much, it is quickly climbing the ranks to become one of my favorites of 2023.

[technicolorfamiliar]

Technicolor Familiar Watches Too Many Conrad Veidt Movies Part 1 of ?

Apropos of nothing, I find myself wading around waist deep in Conrad Veidt's filmography, at least the titles I can easily find online.

I've been writing down my mostly brief impressions after each movie, mainly for my own entertainment since I know exactly zero other people who would care lol. I actually created a Mastodon account especially for this purpose, since my primary socials aren't really for this sort of thing. But the character limit on Mastodon is seriously cramping my style, so I'm going to be annoying about this on Tumblr, my self-imposed blog expectations be damned.

I'm not doing plot summaries, but there are spoilers. I'm not watching these movies in any particular order other than what I'm in the mood for on any given day. I'm half trying to keep the thirst levels to a minimum, but no promises; all bets were off after watching A Woman's Face. And tbh, this whole thing has turned into an Emotional Support / Coping Mechanism / Escapism Tactic because hoo boy is my brain bad these days. But be forewarned, I'm not a writer, I'm not a film critic. I just like movies and turns out I like Conrad Veidt a lot too. I'd probably have more and better things to say about a lot of these upon a second or third watch.

So as of late November, I'm 15 films deep with a lot more to go. I'm thinking about splitting this up into multiple posts, maybe like 5ish films/post. Originally I was going to see how many of these movies can I watch before the end of 2023. But I'm just going to keep going until I run out of available titles or I get sick of Connie's face (unlikely).

The Man Who Laughs, 1928 Dir. Paul Leni ⭐4.5/5 Watched mid-Oct, Archive.org Nothing could have prepared me for this. Of course I was aware of TMWL, but more vaguely than I guess I realized. It's really ahead of its time. The production quality is astounding, it's an absolutely beautiful film. The whole cast is pretty great, too. The Duchess? Total smoke show. Homo the Dog? Queer icon. And Connie really swings for the fences emotionally and physically as Gwynplaine. Bear in mind, this is literally only the third Conrad Veidt movie I've ever seen (other than the basic, intro level Cabinet of Dr Caligari and Casablanca), so I was really floored by what he's able to do in this role with the use of really only half his face. There are several wonderfully haunting and heartbreaking visuals and moments throughout the nearly 2 hour runtime that will stay with me long after watching. Half a star got knocked off because the score was a little bombastic and there were one too many clowns for me personally. But those are small complaints for what may otherwise be a pretty perfect film.

Unheimliche Geschichten (Eerie Tales), 1919 Dir. Richard Oswald ⭐3/5 Watched mid-Oct, Archive.org A romp. The version I watched had no soundtrack at all, making for a totally silent viewing experience. The vignette structure and old school effects are fun. I enjoyed seeing Anita Berber in action although maybe I was expecting more because of all the hype surrounding her/her image. But Connie, Anita, and Reinhold Schünzel seem like they had a good time working on this project. "The Black Cat" and "The Suicide Club" were my favorite sections (and I actually watched this when I was in the middle of Netflix's The Fall of the House of Usher, so yay for extra Poe content in the spookiest month). As for Connie Content, what can I say, he's stunning.

The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari, 1920 Dir. Robert Wiene ⭐3.5/5 Watched Oct 17, Archive.org I went hard with the silent era when I started this journey. Caligari was my intro to Conrad Veidt almost 15 years ago, and as a lapsed goth art student, I remember being bewitched by his strange and off-putting presence on screen. My rating for this one is kind of low compared to how undoubtedly iconic and important of a film it is. It could have been my mood but upon rewatching, but the story fell a little flat for me. I did like the updated score in the version I watched, and I would love to see this one on the big screen maybe with a live orchestra some day.

Orlacs Hände (The Hands of Orlac), 1924 Dir. Robert Wiene ⭐4/5 Watched Oct 17, Archive.org Loved. It's so horny and bizarre (the scene with the maid crawling on the floor? same, girl, same). And visually the most pre-David Lynch Lynchian-looking movie I've ever seen. The shots that linger on highly stylized, cavernous, empty rooms before a character enters? So David Lynch. I'm also a big fan of the psychological body horror and crime thriller genre mashup. It's got twists, it's got turns. Conrad Veidt's your man if you ever needed a Hand Actor. Like the handsiest Hand Actor who ever had a pair of hands. Someone who could really work those mitts.

A Woman's Face, 1941 Dir. George Cukor ⭐4.5/5 Watched Oct 18, Vudu & TCM Jumping way forward in Connie's career. This movie did things to me. This was, I think, the point of no return. It's extremely underrated, I'm legitimately surprised I'd not heard of it before diving down this rabbit hole. That said, it is strange and pretty spicy for a Hays Code era picture. It's so good, I actually watched it twice (it aired on TCM as a part of their creepy cinema series). Visually beautiful and narratively interesting, if maybe a little long despite the rushed ending. Shout out to Joan Crawford for giving what's probably the best performance of hers, at least that I've seen (Mildred Pierce who?). And then there's nasty, nasty Conrad Veidt. He very nearly steals the movie from Joan, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He's beautiful, he's TALL, he's scary. Genuinely shocked he doesn't have second billing. But what else can I say about his Torsten Barring that hasn't already been said more eloquently by others? It's such a great character, and I believe he said it was one of his favorites during his entire 100+ film career. A Woman's Face is the only title on this list so far where immediately after watching I wanted to buy the dvd. Ugh, we deserved several more decades of Connie in roles like this.

I'll probably post the next few one day soon, where I finally get into some titles from the 1930s.

[mariahcarreyyy]

Story snippet: This one is still a WIP but would love your feedback 🫶🏼 *warning cussing did not include smut in the snippet but might send that next if it's okay, cause I feel like I definitely need feedback on that lol*

My heart seemed to stop as I saw who walked through the door. Those golden flecs in his deep green eyes, the way his brown curls look perfectly tosseled, his incredibly sculpted body. God he is gorgeous he had always been gorgeous but seeing him again, he looks so mature, so manly. "Holy fuck" I whisper to myself, trying to shake the inappropriate thoughts flooding my brain. I slowly slip out of the room trying not to draw attention to myself, and gain some sense of composure. As I step out onto the patio the warm, thick, Monoco air blows gently over my skin, I lean my head back, close my eyes, and take a deep breath, a deep breath that was immediately halted when I take in an all too familiar scent.

- thanks love xx 🪼

HI ELLY!!!! So so sorry for the late response im a bit sick right now, i hope this feedback is still beneficial for u🫶🫶 they'll be extremely specific and take em with a grain of salt bcs 1. im a picky reader and 2. im definitely not even certified to be giving out writing advice lol

Okay so i just wanna start off by saying the potential i see with u and writing is insane. Heres some feedback to improve it:

don't compliment the driver too much -> obviously theyre gorgeous but from a reader viewpoint, it could come across as a bit too much. you have to mention the attraction the reader has to the driver, ofcourse, but maybe try and make it a bit subtle.

show, don't tell -> i honestly think you shouldn't live by this phrase because sometimes telling is necessary but in this snippet i think showing would be more beneficial. (e.g. instead of describing the drivers features in the beggining and then saying that he looks much more attractive now that hes grown up, you can describe it from the very start. So, it would go something like, "Familiar golden flecs in his emerald eyes, slightly longer curls cascading perfectly down to his ears, and stubborn baby/teenager fat no longer hiding his lean, sculpted body.") ***btw im guessing that the driver is lando bcs of the green eyes + curls but i may be completely wrong & also is this a childhood friends to lovers type situation or??? just curious💙

sentence structure variations -> honestly i should take my own advice because i struggle so so much with this. basically what this means is that when ur writing, every sentence shouldn't be short and at the same time, every sentence shouldn't be long. There has to be a balance. A short sentence here and there. Maybe a slightly longer one to get the read more invested in your writing. And, then, once the reader i fully engaged and hooked onto your words, you can transition into longer sentences. Ha, see what i did there. I played with sentence variations!!! (E.g. you could rewrite, "As I step out onto the patio the warm, thick, Monoco breeze blows gently over my skin, I lean my head back, close my eyes, and take a deep breath, a deep breath that was immediately halted when I take in an all too familiar scent." into, "When I step out onto the patio, the warm, thick Monaco air blows gently over my skin. Relieved, I lean back. My eyes close and I breathe in the refreshing air; a breath almost immedietly halted when the all too familiar scent fills my lungs.") ***thats not the best example of sentence structure variation, i'll admit, but again, im so shit at it.

Anddddddd thats it!!! Well, make sure to pop it into grammarly b4 u post it but im not gonna focus on that bcs u should SEE my shit grammar and spelling in my WIP's 🙈🙈 also, i know this seems long so please dont be disheartened. its literally only three points im just a natural yapper LMFAO. and if u want to send me the smut, feel free, but i'm even worse at writing that so idk if i'll be of much help💙💙

[jeanmoreaux]

why did you dislike ses4? and was there anything you enjoyed recently?

oh boy. i think it would be easier to tell you what i DID like about the season. i can count it on one hand. (1) ruby. she's my queen. (2) adam making it explicitly clear that he identifies with the bi label. (3) gillian anderson. she's just soooooo ugh. i love her. (4) NONE OF THE BAD BITCHES CHOOSING OTIS. maeve and ruby both deserve better fr. (5) aimee reclaiming some agency. cannot even think of a sixth thing. that's how bad this season did not worked for me. i said i was not gonna rant but i guess now i am gonna rant a little (trying to keep it short for both of our sakes).

i think there is definitely some more technical and objective stuff that's wrong and with this season and then there is some stuff i personally didn't like but that may work for other people.

objectively, i think the writing was severely lacking in quality. it was SO LAZY. even uninspired. the plot was meandering and the arcs fell extremely flat as a consequence. they randomly introduced interesting internal and external conflicts, sometimes even towards the end of the season, that could have spanned the entire eight episodes, but then they often just drop those ideas like hot potatoes—sometimes by the next episode, sometimes by THE NEXT SCENE (e.g. otis basically taking over a surrogate parent role or feeling like losing his mom, basically everything ruby-centric that wasn't oatis-related, jackson questioning his sexuality, etc.)!! other storylines that didn't have to last for several epsiodes (like jackson's cancer scare) went on for way too long. and the storylines they kept up for several episodes were mostly half-assed. the vivian & beau thing was surface level at most (and rushed af), the ace thing was soooo buried and shoved aside for stupider plotlines (they did o so dirty istfg), same with their approach to adding to the discourse on disability/accessibility, the exploration of jean's sister dealing with her abuse was just almost non-existent, eric's storyline reconciling his sexual and religious identities relied an cheap gimmicks, maeve finding her voice as a writer, jean's postnatal depression (how half-assed that was truly hurt my psych major brain), etc..... and then they dragged these storylines out without giving them any *substance*. like. i SKIPPED two episodes and missed NOTHING (i even did go back to jump through it just now to verify and, yup, did not miss a piece of information i did not gain or infer from the episodes i watched). you know a story is aimlessly wandering around when people can skip 2h of content and not even miss a shrivel of character development. i'd claim almost all storylines and arcs were handled badly. the only one that was well-structured and well-executed (from a storytelling standpoint) was the groff family arc (mind you, not the individual arcs but their arc as a family). AND I DON'T EVEN AGREE WITH THAT STORYLINE FROM AN IDEOLOGICAL STANDPOINT BUT STILL I LIKED IT THE MOST BECAUSE WRITING WISE IT WAS AT LEAST COMPETENTLY HANDLED!!!! like, that's so unfortunate. for me. and don't even get me started on the tonal dissonance WHITIN scenes and BETWEEN scenes. it was so so jarring at times and made the humour NOT land AT ALL (especially the physical humour because holyyy shit what was that). idk if that's editing's fault or if the writers made these decisions or if the producers and executives are to blame, but the inconsistency of mood and tone just really made me feel disconnected from the emotional moment. felt absolutely nothing about what was happening to these characters.

on a more personal level, i took issues with the way they wrote some characters and the content of some arcs. they really reduced maeve's character to nothing (like. i am sorry but her dialogue is so flat and boring, the most meaningful thing she said all season was probably at her mom's funeral.) otis literally learned jackshit. he's still kind of a self-absorbed dick. o was so underutilised and disrespected (they didn't even try to make the ace thing an important plotline). aimee was turned into a grotesque parody of herself. eric's story focusing on religion was HELL to me personally. like, i grew up catholic (which is different to the christianity eric practices but still...), and ngl the way they handled his 'religious' awakening just sent me up the wall. as a queer person who was very involved in church life from a young age and had to reconcile her faith with her queer identity, i felt like his story made a mockery of that struggle and that inner conflict. the visions were ridiculous. it felt like the writers were making fun of the struggle queer people face when (1) wanting to meaningfully engage with faith and religion *OR* (2) wanting to distance themselves from organised religion. additionally it felt like they were making fun of religion & religious faith as a whole, depicting it as this almost psychotic thing to believe in god. and they completely decoupled eric's personal journey to faith from what religion primarily is about for many, many people: community and connection. like, sure, they briefly brushed it i theory, but neglected to real get into the emotional reality and complexity of it. they very much glossed over the fact that religious communities are a source for moral/ethical and social control and even when you disagree with some aspects of the doctrine you will still be affected by it if you grew up in those circles. and your personal reckoning with religion will probably be more tied to THAT (the fear of losing love/support/part of your social circle, ostracisation (because even when you're okay with who you are right from the start it's something that doesn't feel good even when you prepare for it....), feeling disconnected from your former self, struggling to build your own belief system that you feel lie it truly belongs to you etc.). his entire journey was lacking any nuance and complexity in my opinion. and maybe that's because i personally had a different experience reconciling my faith with my sexual identity. i wasn't a self-hating queer either, but breaking away from religion still was a change in my life that impacted me very real and convoluted ways!!! (also like let's be real him becoming a pastor is gonna solve what exactly??? go through the homophobic system to change the homophobic system??? HUH with what power??? you're better of starting a new church fr.) idk. another thing that bugged me was the lack of chemistry in intimate scenes. like. jo and i watched these scenes and. nothing. the lack of chemistry really made me so uncomfortable. it almost made me question if i really do like sex lol. ALSO WHYYYY did they force the aimee and isaac relationship for no reason???? that really didn't have to have to happen. not that i hate it, it's whatever, but i was just so BORING to me. same with the otis and maeve thing. THEY WERE SO BORING. their drama this season was so repetitive and reminiscent of earlier conflicts between them it made me want to rip my hair out. i think i stopped caring about them as a couple after season 2. they don't fit and they don't work yet still the writers were trying to make them a thing for no reason. i could go on but this is already longer than i wanted it to be (yikes). i just want you to know that this season did so many things so badly i ended up not caring about ANYTHING that happened or ANY of the characters (except ruby). they could have all just disappeared and i wouldn't have cared one bit because they were all giving NOTHING. so basically, the season felt like this meme to me, but with a heavy, all-permeating, very petty & derogatory undertone:

okay so now for the things i did watch and enjoy recently (i assume you mean movies/tv shows because i my monthly wrap ups cover my reading). there are quite a few things, actually! ofc i watched barbie which was fun, and oppenheimer which was Very Good. oh, and i watched and liked set it up, and my brother sat me down and made me watch the two spider verse movies with him which i enjoyed a lot as well! my other brother made me watch the new puss in boots (liked that one, too). i also watched the first couple of episodes of the bear and i am very intrigued (gonna continue for sure)!! also finished glow a couple of month ago which was quite good but sadly prematurely cancelled. other than that i have been mostly rewatching stuff tbh (recently e.g. fleabag, schitt's creek, atla, succession, and the occasional movies like p&p 2005, emma 2020. also been in the mood for a rewatch of god's own country & the ghibli movies.). other than that, the movies/tv shows i reblog stuff from are generally things i enjoyed in the past (or at least partly enjoyed). idk there's a lot on my 'to watch list' but i am only making my way through it super slowly jhghjgjhjgjh

[hauntedselves]

hello. so i just wanted to ask a couple questions about did please. i am pretty sure i am a system (and actually, i am an alter & not a host) and i am pretty sure we are polyfrag as well. just i have literally no memories of anything that could have possibly caused any of that, so i feel like im just making it all up.

so question 1) is it normal for most of the alters to have no memory whatsoever of traumatic childhood events? like a lot of us can remember other random stuff from childhood but nothing really bad

2) we have 1 introject alter who is very very very different to his source, and he has a lot of i guess 'psuedomemories' that involve severe childhood trauma. could his psuedomemories be disguising actual body memories?

3) this is just more because we are curious, but is it normal for systems to have heirarchies? like we have our primary, and maybe our only gatekeeper alter and she is distinctly above everybody else. she never fronts, she doesnt speak to anyone in the inner world, but it seems like shes the one making the rules and keeping us all in order. like all the alters i am aware of know that we are supposed to defer to her. is that kind of structure normal?

thank you for your time! :)

there will be alters who have memories, you may have not discovered them [the alters] yet, or the alters may think you're not ready to know yet and are hiding the memories from you. (or both!)

it's certainly possible, but it's also possible that his pseudo-memories aren't real and are the brain's way of justifying his existence (e.g., for him/alters to exist there must be trauma = here's some made up 'memories' of trauma to justify that). you can't know for sure without working through memories (and pseudo-memories) in therapy

gatekeeper alters functioning like that is pretty common, but every DID system will function differently because every person's situation is unique.

[deadmomjokes]

My brain’s tendency to go from an initial idea to something totally different and wildly off-the-rails of the initial scope and premise is both baffling and hilarious. And I swear, it happens every time I try to write something, outline or not.

Pulpy noir murder mystery one-shot but make it urban fantasy >>> dramatic irony laced howdunnit about the saving power of love as a deliberate action and breaking the cycle of apathy by choosing to care, ft double romantic subplots, Southern Gothic Horror but make it magical realism, elves as monstrous instead of ethereal, #acab; wait how did YOU become a main character, you little one-off exposition machine with a placeholder name? guess you need your own set of books now and oops I think I just created a Literary Universe

Chilling backstory of ruthless, manipulative villain from the above >>> Big Gay Tragedy, hero’s fall from grace wherein an angry asexual becomes a literal nightmare monster to save his marginalized people and his BonesMcCoy-knockoff boyfriend, functional commentary on how working within existing power structures to affect change frequently leaves the marginalized in a catch-22 of performative worthiness designed to maintain status quo for those benefiting from the current power dynamic; villain has evolved into tragic Anti-villain/Anti-hero, update initial project to reflect shift, GOSH DARN IT that’s another book we have to add at least

Three immortals hanging out in a cabin in the woods accidentally get found out and have to convince their discoverer not to turn them in to the government >>> depressed and compassion-fatigued immortal wakes up in the middle of his own autopsy, has to convince his coroner and himself both that life might be okay actually, complicated by the fact that he’s accidentally party to kidnapping said coroner, who is definitely having the Worst Day of Her Life but handling it surprisingly well for someone running on caffeine, spite, and the Hippocratic oath

Steampunk Sherlock Holmes but make it a magical realism fantasy roadtrip >>> ... actually that one is basically still the same nvm

Cars, but make it people >>> Oh hey turns out that’s a thing already and Cars is based on a 90s movie that’s based on an obscure book; who knew! anyway >>> anti-imperialist ecopunk Weird West middle-fantasy, once again about the choice to care for others over the convenience of neutrality and safety of apathy (not that I have some strongly held thematic opinions or anything)

Short story written to-market for a SFF magazine competition, maybe drop some allusions/analogs to current world events to make it *~Timely and Relatable~* (I really want to win this thing, I need money, I’m a shameless sellout) >>> Does the end really justify the means, or do the means determine the end? If saving one person means killing five more, is it worth it? If that one person could save ten more, would your answer change? Does that change who you thought you were? Is there ever a right answer to the question of who deserves to live? Is true pacifism even an option in a world where violence is also an option? Oh yeah and some contemporary fantasy I guess, just slap some pointy ears on those dudes or something

Basically what I’m saying is that sometimes your heart knows better than your brain, and you should never be afraid to play around and just Go For It because some of your best ideas may come from asking “What if” about 37 times in the course of a single outline point, and so what if it ends up totally different than your initial starting point, the joy is in the journey, right?

Also you never come up with a plot resolution as perfect as “dying girl tries to stab a demigod with a borrowed demon sword on behalf of an undead terrorist, demigod proceeds to pat her on the head, give her a shiny new powerup that may or may not be cursed, and scoop everyone up in a cup & dump them outside like an unwelcome but ultimately harmless spider”* on purpose, that stuff either comes to you in dreams or at 11pm on a weeknight while attempting a sleep-deprived writing challenge that forcibly shuts off your inhibitions.

Aka, let yourself be weird, it works out way better than you think.

*Yes that is a legitimate plot point I am using in one of my novels. I had agonized over how to solve the corner I’d written myself into for months before the “screw it, idc anymore” kicked in, whereupon this brilliant solution immediately asserted itself like I hadn’t brought myself to tears trying to work it out logically.

[sk3tch404]

The fact that I actually recognise that person-

Was actually debating whether to block them a while back and then forgot about it but omfg yeah I shoulda done it 💀💀💀💀 idk how to explain it properly but they strongly remind me of the IRL_Clowns situation back on TikTok for some reason (the summary should still be up when you search for it I think) although they haven't reached that same lvl of..... 'Bro wtf' yet, I think

Also it's not like Aponia could whitewash Naib more than Netease already did themselves fr

Yes just block him soon...

Wait, did I ever tell you guys we were mutuals? Oh no, I didn't. Let's recap.

I understand as a fictive you can't control the characters you see yourself as, but uh yeah...

I don't mind irl's or fictives, but sometimes y'all get a little out of hand. Like...

Wow defending Phillips racist backstory and character... How interesting.

You can be an irl of whoever u want I really don't give a fuck. I'm glad they're 'not racist' as people, but can they at least acknowledge PHILIPPE'S CHAFACTER IS RACIST? HIS CHARACTER TRAILER LITERALLY HAS A BLACK PERSON WITH DRAWN WITH ETHNIC FEATURES TURNING INTO A WOLF. AN ANIMAL.

DEEMING THEM AS CRIMINALS BASED ON PHYSICAL STRUCTURE. HOW IS THAT NOT FUCKING RACIST.

You don't have to be EVERY SINGLE TRAIT of that character as a fictive, but at least acknowledge the character you are is a bad person dude 💀

Ain't it funny when you pick and choose what to speak out on?

He can't STAND IT when racist black caricatures are on screen, but when his irl S/O cries about being seen as racist even though the character they are, Philippe, is racist in his work, deeming ethnic black features as a aggravated wolf ready to strike, that's when he goes tell them to do they things they like. Take their mind off of things and take a nap.

Yes this makes total and perfect mature sense. Good job team of 7 braincells.

I also think how it's a bit funny how despite me telling him my real age when I was 13 (almost 14) and they were 16, (Probably almost turning 17 because a bit after that they had 17 in their bio) they still replied with sexual implications for the characters even though they told me,

Murder stuff only huh? I get making sexual jokes with your friends, but I can't look down at someone nearly 3 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME, and be comfortable making those kinds of jokes.

I'm not saying he's a predator, no no not at all. What im saying is, that even though he may have tried making me feel welcomed and tried to be friendly, it was not in my best interest safety wise.

This had me thinking that making semi sexual jokes with older people was normal and okay. It is alright once in a long while, but I remember multiple occasions where he would respond with something like, "Oh yeah Naib blows readers back out when Eli isn't around."

Of course that isn't specific, but it isn't too far from incorrect.

At the time, I was still trying to be more social and getting over my social anxiety. It made me happy that someone ONLINE paid attention to me with positive things to say. Even if they were very... Effortless or braindead smut.

Now I'm not saying he had to reply to every one if my asks with a full mental analysis, but at that time, I just felt worthless and disappointed with the responses. Though I can understand why he had only replied with one sentence or two most of the time. The guy was answering a FUCK ton of asks every single day. I'm sure there was a lot of pressure there too.

He was also reblogging with his S/O a million times every day so there's that I guess.

He uses the same 7 brain cells with every ask. Literally just porn, porn, porn and porn. I don't have an issue with legit pure thirsting, but honestly the intelligence in the room dropped to 25 everytime I went on his blog.

He claims not to be racist and points out misrepresentation, yet chooses to turn a blind eye to his irl fictive S/O when they feel bad bc the racist character they are, is being seen as racist.

He didn't tell me to not make sexual jokes and set those boundaries once again knowing I was about 3 years younger, but encouraged them with keyboard smashes and more thirst.

Sending in semi sexual asks were mistakes I made on my part alone, but seeing it as entertaining and allowing it to continue was something that made him amplify the issue even further.

Being a fictive is difficult and messes with your mental health a lot, but that doesn't give him an excuse to defend explicitly racist characters when your fictive gf/husband cries about it. Just because you're ill or are an irl doesn't mean you are excused from these sort of things.

I don't know how it is to struggle with being one, or will ever know what it feels like, but I can be sure when I say, I do not tolerate picky hypocrites.

He wants to point out Kurumi for 'white washing' Naib? Okay, I get it. Doing the right and moral thing huh? Well then, allow me to point out the things I had experienced during time I spent and lost during the late year of 2020 and the entirely of 2021 - 2022.

Naib was already pale to begin with. Kurumi couldn't white wash him if he was already that color.

After all, even if they wanted to 'white wash' Naib, Netease already beat them to it. Netease is a colorist, racist, offensive, and overall problematic company.

Every single character of theirs has their issues and faults, but this 'white washing' accusation that has fallen on Kurumi's shoulders has weighed heavy enough. They are simply not true and have fallen short.

Kurumi is not a native English speaker. They were confused and anxious while he confronted them. They only had a basic understanding of what he was trying to say. I talked to them and it was never their intention to hurt anybody, especially people who are colored like me.

If he wants to confront someone improperly, it should be me. Not her.

I don't want drama. I just want what's hiding in the dark, to come out into the light. Thank you, have a good rest of your day.

[not-so-local-lesbian]

I accidentally just wrote a mini essay in the fucking reblog 😭 I’ll just take out the first paragraph and rearrange the rest in order if I never need a personal essay I guess…

Holy shit this is what I basically said in a cover letter I had to write for a school project! (I want to do this for a living)

We’re taught from a young age to recreate how we think to fit the same system of everyone else. When we are shown a shred of acceptance for fundamentally thinking differently, it astounds us because we aren’t being forced to think in a harmful and sometimes genuinely painful way.

It may not seem actually painful to use a different system, but it is. It mentally hurts, and it can end up physically hurting because I am literally fighting against myself.

Autistic coping is accepting that you have a different system and allowing yourself to explore what that may be. It means treating yourself with kindness, patience, and with the understanding you deserve.

It is not fucking easy. It is however, worth it. You are worth the effort you are giving to yourself. You are worth the effort others will give.

(If you ever need some tips, I can try to help!)

(Story time!! Technically this is first, then it goes to the paragraphs after the “holy shit this is”)

I also said this to my friend who was struggling to do an assignment, and he cried. Told him I’d help with the assignment, He showed me the VAGUE instructions, and I said: “well, I guess you could do ___________, but there isn’t that much structure in their wording, which is why that way is really vague and confusing. Is this why a no?”

He said yes. I gave him the way I did it, and I explained it. He said: “ I can’t do spreadsheets and it doesn’t work for me, but it kind of makes sense, and I’ll just try it out and it’ll be fine!! I’ll use it. You’re already trying to help me, and I don’t want to just say no to everything and make it hard.”

After hearing that, I told him: “We won’t use the spreadsheet. If it doesn’t work for you, that is completely okay. I suggested the spreadsheet because that is how I formatted it in my brain in a specific, all be it tedious, way to work with those vague instructions. I worked with my way of thinking/autism instead of working against it in order to make the assignment less excruciating and painful. I want to help you. Giving you a different way that doesn’t help you, even though it helped me, isn’t helping you. I want to help you find a way to work with yourself instead of against yourself. You aren’t being difficult, lazy, or uncooperative. You asked for help, which is a sign you are trying. You aren’t being lazy. Hell, you just wanted to go with a plan that didn’t work for you to make it easier on me, despite me being the one trying to make it better for you. You aren’t being difficult. Also, uncooperative is far from the truth! You told me what you found confusing, a bit of why, that the spreadsheets don’t work, and a bit of why they don’t work. That’s a lot of cooperation if you ask me. Continuously working against your way of thinking/autism isn’t going to help you. Sure, you can do it the other way, but it’s harmful and excruciatingly painful. I want to help you work with your way of thinking, yourself, and your autism. If we try a thousand ways, and they all don’t work, that’s okay. We can try another way. I quite literally want to help people with disabilities, autistic folks especially, allow themselves to find and think in their own way for a living. I’m so glad you’re letting me help you”

He said he never heard anything like that in his life. He literally cried.

I said it in the last post but I’m going to say it again because it’s important so LISTEN UP!!!!!

COPING WITH AUTISM ISN’T ABOUT FIGHTING YOUR AUTISTIC TRAITS!!!!!!! IT’S ABOUT LEARNING TO WORK WITH YOUR AUTISTIC TRAITS IN A WAY THAT ISN’T HARMFUL TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

[talenlee]

Dread Month 2024

There’s this quote from Shakespeare, I think the Scottish play, which has lived rent-free in my mind since I learned it as a child, from its doleful, dreadful delivery in a voice so well equipped to dip into threat.

As the good things of day began to droop and drowse, Night’s black agents to their preys did rouse

And that there, that’s some classic ‘I read a book’ ass poetry to drop mid-sentence, an indicator and signifier that no really, I am one of the smart ones because I know something from a source that you probably don’t quite remember. Except I didn’t learn it from reading Shakespeare or even attending plays or associating with cool sexy bohemians at coffee shops where all the good drugs are being swapped.

I learned it from a 1950s radio program called The Goon Show, hosted by Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan and Peter Sellers, who are all names that should loom large over modern media but can’t, because they all died as late as 2001. In the heart of all things, they were the kinds of people who would now make what you’d call an amazing comedy podcast, and I have no doubt whatsoever that Sellers would do numbers on Twitter, until he deleted it, and came back a few months later to call a reporter an anti-white slur.

The line comes from a sequence where the villains of a story are preparing to steal a Jet-Propelled guided Naafi, a kind of tea shop that could be launched and flown from location to location in a hot moment. The response is:

“Ah, Macbeth!”

“You ignorant swine, that was Shakespeare.”

These are the words that lurk in my mind deep and dark when I think about dread month.

This is what I do. I pull together the pieces of my mismade and mismanaged memory, including the way I was raised as a preacher’s son to learn to deploy the rhetorical structure of a convincer, and put those tools to task in telling you a story that’s just a matter of rolling my life around in all those broken bits. I am old enough now that all the music I’m used to and like is just ‘old person stuff,’ rather than what it was when I was a child which is that I had the musical taste of an old man. Specifically, the old man was my father, who, himself, was never a Cool Guy with Cool Tastes. I mean they’re cool now, because he has a vinyl collection that dates back to his adolescence and early adulthood, but at the time, it wasn’t Cool Music.

My childhood featured reading classic horror novels and the deep abiding terror of Biblical literalism, the apocalypticism of a faith that believed in human sacrifice just as long as you word it differently, and the kinds of strange glimpses of 1980s and 1990s culture you got when you were afraid of hearing any rock music, all while in the slowly creeping end of the world that was no doubt, showing up any day now, probably sometime around 2000.

There’s an irony in that my dad never bought into the actual apocalypticism of our church, so while people in lesser positions of authority would huff that ‘I mean, Y2K is coming,’ dad would roll his eyes and make plans for 2001. Joke’s on them, I guess, but then, I’ve looked into what they’re up to and they still suck shit.

Anyway.

The point is that much of what I offer on this blog is a set of writing and videos that express the mind of a mediocre man with some good presentation skills, filtered through a jackdaw’s willingness to pick up anything shiny and a rattled brain that still is capable of spooking itself with late night reading of ghost stories.

Here in Dread Month, I seek to draw on that thread. It is a place for stories of unpleasant things, stories which may have a dour ending, pieces of classic fiction that I can share directly, and elements of the media I love and games I like that build on the themes of dread and horror. It is a time for the mood of a turning season, for when people are watching scary movies, when horror narratives get to take the fore, but also, the ideas of gore and schlock and violence are treated a little differently.

Throughout the month I will be serving articles about horror topics, yes, about ways to make, build and instil horror in narratives you’re working, in games that touch on the horrible and the dark, all that stuff, but there’s also going to be a special different feature for the blog. Each week, I present a Dread Reading, in which I take a short story that’s publically available, and read it to you. You can hear me talk about the story, and how I present its ideas, or you can read the original text and jump to the end of the audio to hear what I have to say about it.

The origin of this was reading some of my favourite Lovecraft stories onto the blog, and then commenting on them directly; it seemed to me for a public domain story, there was a strange silliness to try and present articles about the work without some kind of way of presenting the text directly. You know, if this story is public domain, why not just show you it, then comment on it? I think the first work I really wanted to do this with was the story from Lovecraft about the guy who discovered he was related to an actual ape, but don’t worry: good old Howard Poward Loward based that story on the discovery that his grandmother was actually Welsh.

Blood quanta is bloody preposterous, let me tell you.

I mean my grandmother is Welsh and it hasn’t given me any special insights into the horror of the world around me. Anyway, come with me this month, and pay attention to the content warnings.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[five-rivers]

Danny slowly loses his memories from before the Accident.

“I don’t remember that,” said Danny.  “Are you sure I was there?”

Maddie raised her eyebrows.  “I talked to you about it just last week,” she said. “When I was asking you about what you’d like to do during summer vacation.”

“I remember that,” said Danny, uncurling slightly from his position on the couch.  “I just don’t remember the other thing.  I... maybe we talked about something like it.  When was it?”

“You were twelve,” said Maddie.  “It was just before your birthday.”

Slowly, he shook his head.  “Sorry,” he said.  “I remember, um...  What other vacations did we have?  Before the one where you thought I was crazy, it was, um...” He held his hands as if preparing to count on them.  “We went to New York that one time.  And then the Great Lakes before that...  Oh!  And that haunted house road trip.”

He frowned down at his hands, and Maddie felt something unpleasant curl in her gut.  

“Is that...  All you remember?” she asked.  

“Y-Yeah?  I guess the others were from when I was too young to remember?”

“The haunted house trip was when you were five,” said Maddie.  “Danny... have you been,” she didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to piece together other little oddities into a big picture, “have you been forgetting things?”

“No!” said Danny, defensively, sitting up straighter.  “I’m just...”  He chewed his lip.  “It isn’t as if I’ve forgotten anything recent.”

His abysmal grades and missed curfews begged to differ.

“One second,” said Maddie.  “Stay here.”

She went to her room and fetched one of her largest photo albums.  Danny was still on the couch when she came back, picking at the hem of his pant leg, and staring blankly at the floor.  Maddie sat next to him, making him jump.  She opened the album to a random page.  

“What were we doing here?” she asked.  

“Um,” said Danny, brows pinching together in confusion.  “Shopping?”

“For?” prompted Maddie.  

Danny shook his head.  “It’s just shopping.  It isn’t important.”

“Danny, this is from when we got you that model spaceship.  The one you have hanging up in your room.”

Danny blinked, and slowly shook his head.  

.

The doctor’s office looked clean.  It even smelled clean.  Danny was still doing his level best not to touch anything.  Maddie would have sighed at his behavior, but she was too tense.  She met Jack’s eye.  He looked terrible too.

“There are no signs of Alzheimer’s disease,” said the doctor.  All three of them sighed with relief.  “However...  You said the other symptoms, the difficulty in school, began after the electrical accident?”

“Yeah,” said Danny.  

The doctor nodded.  “Electricity can do strange things to the brain, sometimes.  We haven’t been able to find any structural damage, but the activity levels...”  He brought a colored image up on his computer screen.  “This is where long-term memory is stored,” he said. 

“Doesn’t red usually indicate high levels of activity?” asked Jack.

“It does,” said the doctor.  “This is actually higher than usual activity...  Honestly, I don’t know what’s going on here.  I would like to request that you make a record of things that you currently remember as happening in your life, and then come back a month from now.”

“That’s it?” demanded Maddie.  

“Right now, since we don’t know what’s causing this,” said the doctor, “the best we can do is monitor the situation.  We don’t even know if this is an ongoing deterioration, or something more gradual.  On the upside, other than long-term memory, there doesn’t appear to be any damage.  Your timeline after your accident is clear and detailed.  The cognitive tests we put you through actually put you significantly above average...  This is what we can do.”

Maddie didn’t like it.  Danny didn’t look surprised.  Or even particularly upset.  

She caught Jack’s eye again.  They would have to be ready to support him, when the extent of what he had lost fully hit him.  

.

Danny floated down the icy hallway next to Frostbite.  “This isn’t going to be one of those examinations where I have to get undressed, is it?” he asked.  

Frostbite chuckled, but there was an undercurrent to it that usually wasn’t present.  “Only halfway.”  He paused to tap Danny on the chest.  “Your mind is no longer entirely contained in your head, after all.”

Danny rubbed at where Frostbite had tapped him.  “You don’t think that has anything to do with it, do you?”

“I’m unsure,” said Frostbite as they reached the examination room.  “It isn’t unusual for ghosts to lose their memories of their lives, but that is both more immediate and more complete.  Sit down here, and take your shirt off, Great One, and we can begin.”

Danny made a face at the item that looked like an overly complicated dentist’s chair with a large metal disk embedded in the back, but obeyed.  

“Here we are,” said Frostbite, pulling a complicated ring-shaped thing from the chair.  “This part goes around your head,” he said adjusting it to fit.  

Despite his cold core, Danny shivered at the frigidity of the metal.  

“These are to monitor your core, along with the matching one built into the chair,” said Frostbite as he attached several flat disks to Danny’s chest.  

“Are they, like, ultrasound?” asked Danny, running his finger along the edge of one of them.  He didn’t like how they stuck to his skin.  

“They work on a similar principle,” said Frostbite.  He turned on several nearby monitors.  “With this, we will be able to see how your brain and core react in tandem.  Can you transform for me a few times?  I want to compare with the baseline readings we took from you when you first stayed with us.”

“Sure,” said Danny.  

.

“Alright,” said Frostbite.  “Now, I am going to try sending a few low-intensity ectoplasmic pulses and currents through you.  Is that alright?”

“Sure,” said Danny.  

The first few left Danny feeling lethargic and tingly.  Other gave him so much energy he had to leave the room for a few minutes to burn some of it off.  Another, interestingly, turned off his ghost half, not unlike the Plasmius Maximus.

There was a rest period in-between each test, to make sure that they weren’t mixing results.  During those times, Danny and Frostbite would laugh and tell jokes and...

...  Danny trailed off in the middle of a sentence.  “Frostbite?” he asked after a minute.  “What was I just saying?”

.

“I want to stress that this is currently just a theory, Great One,” said Frostbite.  

“It’s okay,” said Danny.  “Just...  What is it?”

“Your memories are recorded in both your brain and your core.  You know this, correct?”

“Yeah.  You told me that a while back.”

Frostbite nodded.  “Normally, if one is turned off, the other one is still recording memories, and the memories will be transcribed.”

Danny nodded.  

“Or, if they are disconnected, in the case of the Plasmius Maximus, or your parents’ ‘Ghost Catcher,’ they will swap memories.  However...”

“Yes?”

“It is my theory that certain kinds of discrepancies between memories can lead to your core deciding that the discrepancy is an error and attempting to remedy it.  Great One, your core did not exist prior to your accident.”

“So, it thinks my memories from before that are wrong, and it’s getting rid of them.”

“I’m afraid it may be so.”

“Can you stop it?  I mean, you were able to artificially induce it, earlier...”

Frostbite made a face.  “The only things I can think of that could stop this would be unhealthy in the long run.  I do not believe you want to try to split yourself in two again.”

“No,” agreed Danny.  “Any-Anything else?”

Frostbite sighed.  “This is not something I can confirm,” he said, “but I suspect that the reason for your odd pattern of your memory loss is that the memories you dwelled on most often vanished first.”

“Oh,” said Danny.  “Because that would bring them to my core’s attention...”

Frostbite nodded.  

“Well.  That’s... not ideal.”

“I’m sorry, Great One.  Would that I could do more.”

.

“It’s all gone,” he said, without preamble, as he stood at Jazz’s door first thing in the morning.  

She looked crushed.  “Are you sure?”

Danny nodded.  “I remember remembering, but I don’t actually remember.  It’s weird and...  actually kind of a relief,” he said, tilting his head to one side.  

Jazz blinked rapidly.  “Are you going to tell Mom and Dad?”

He shook his head.  As his memories had disappeared, so had most of his remaining trust in his parents.  Between the memories of them caring for him, and the memories of them attacking or threatening him, the latter were more vivid.  

He still loved them, and his ghostly desires, that he literally could not remember living without, still focused on them, but that and trust were two different things.  It had been months since he’d started to fake retaining memories that he only knew about from reading his journals.  

“Sam and Tucker?”

This time, Danny nodded, the gesture much more enthusiastic.  “We were going to meet up later today, anyway.  Do you want to come with us?”

“Sure,” said Jazz.  She rubbed at her eyes.  “Give me a second.”

Danny nodded.  He wasn’t in a hurry.  “I’ll be downstairs.”

He could understand the grief.  He had felt it.  But it was over, now.  The only thing left was to make new memories.  

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Hi Hi!!!! So I've been following your account for a little while now and I love every single comedy bomb you drop on what you write so I was wondering....

How would the boys react to their S/O who is usually reserved when at the lair, doing a full 180 when at April's? Like they could be April's roommate or something?....

Like crackhead energy, dishing out memes and vines and literally having a duel with Casey about leftovers in the fridge?... Yeah I know it's very specific 💀

I don't know.....the idea just popped into my head but I lack the creativity and comedy skills for that...so I was wondering if you could do something with this?.....

It's totally fine, if not 😁😁

This is... 100% me. I love this and I'm gonna pour my soul into it. Also I have started mentally referring to these as comedy bombs and I refuse to stop.

Also, I hope you don't mind that I wrote these in oneshot form instead of bullet points. It just made more sense for my brain.

TMNT Oneshots

The boys with a partner whose reserved at the lair but an absolute crack gremlin at home 🤣

Donatello

Donnie may have been a man of science, all logic and facts and numbers and things. But he absolutely believed that everyone had three separate faces, you were direct proof of that theory. While the purple terrapin had known you for nearly a year you’d only started dating a month ago and it shocked him that he was still uncovering new things about you. He loved it, sure, but it had a tendency to give him figurative whiplash.

He’d always known you to be calm and collected, maybe even a bit shy. He swore you’d explode if more than one person tried to talk to you at the same time. So it wasn’t an over exaggeration for him to say that your behavior at home nearly made him break his neck.

He was only there to help April fix a bug in her laptop and to confirm your next date, he was excited to see you since you’d had no contact in person for a week because of your schedules. Just lots of phone calls and exchanged text messages. You both missed each other like crazy and your roommate had neglected to inform you that your boyfriend was coming over.

Hers was already there and he was driving you up the wall, you’d never actually thought about committing a murder but Casey was pushing you very close to the edge of snapping. And he might as well have crane-kicked you off your cliff of patience and into the rushing river of “you little fucking shit I’m gonna piss on your grave” below. You hadn’t even heard Donnie come in through the window much less his conversation with April over her computer.

All you knew was that Casey had come parading into your room like a tyrant eating the leftovers in the fridge that you had specifically put your name on. That did it. Your eyes had skimmed over the top of your textbook to meet the asshole in front of you.

“Casey?”

He couldn’t speak through the mouthful he was trying to chew and grunted in pathetic response.

“Is that my cheeseburger?”

You’d never seen a living person imitate a pug’s facial structure so well, the man’s eyes bugged out of his head and he tossed the takeout box on your desk before turning and bolting out of your room. You followed about two steps behind with a bottle of shampoo in your hand. No, you weren’t entirely sure where you’d grabbed it from, all you knew was that it was your weapon. And it quickly became a very messy problem when it missed your target (Casey’s head) and slammed into the wall, exploding on impact.

You didn’t think you’d thrown it that hard.

“April April help help help helpppppppppppppp-'' The two on the couch had looked up during the chase throughout the apartment, Donnie was mostly curious at what Casey was screaming about. Not a lot usually made the guy make that noise. He was then distracted by April grabbing the laptop and passing it to him, she then clambered over his legs to sit behind him.

“YOU UGLY ASS CROISSANT! FUCKING PANINI HEAD- IT HAD MY NAME ON IT YOU DAFT AVACADO!”

Your boyfriend almost went vertical upon watching you tackle Casey to the floor and knee him in the groin. You shook the terrified man under you and slammed him a little harder into the rug.

“Touch my shit again and I’m gonna make the beaches of Normandy look like a goddamn family vacation.”

Then you climbed off of him and stood, brushing your disheveled t-shirt off with a huff. Donnie caught your attention and you raised your head to grin excitedly at him.

“Hi Dove! April didn’t tell me you were coming over,” you practically skipped over to the couch to peck him on the cheek, “I missed ya, are we still on for Saturday?”

He nodded in complete shock, his gaze flitting from you to Casey, who was still wheezing on the floor and clutching his dick.

“Uhhh yeah! Yeah, yep, Still good for Saturday. Uhm, completely unrelated question, where the hell did you learn to grapple like that?”

You shrugged absentmindedly, already walking to the hall closet to grab cleaning supplies for the puddle of shampoo in the walkway.

“Just kinda picked it up I guess? I’ve watched you guys train enough.”

Leonardo

See, Leo had always known that you were hiding something from him. Be it your true personality or some deep dark secret. He wasn’t really in a rush to find out, you’d tell him when you were ready. The leader enjoyed your quiet disposition anyways, you gave good advice and liked to meditate with him, what more could he ask for? What more could he want?

Well, maybe if you got along better with his family, although he supposed that wasn’t your fault, you always had been a bit shy. Even six months into your relationship with him, Leo only hoped that you’d warm up to his brothers eventually. You seemed to do alright with Splinter, that was a plus for the situation. It wasn’t that you were mean or impolite to the others, you were just… avoidant. Distant, quiet, whatever word you wanted to use. You just didn’t seem comfortable at the lair.

He was excited that April had asked to host a game night though, maybe you’d come out of your shell (haha, see what I did there?) and socialize, even for a little bit. They’d all shown up a few minutes early to make sure April didn’t need help with anything, she’d assured them that everything was handled and made sure to inform Leo that you would be back shortly with Casey from your snack run. Mikey had joked that you’d ditched the get together to avoid them but they all knew it ran the possibility of not being a joke.

You unlocked the door and held it open so Casey could get inside without tripping himself before entering yourself and kicking your shoes off. Leo looked up to meet your eyes and you sent him a wild grin, your entire face lit up with amusement.

“Hi babes! Are you ready to get your ass kicked at Monopoly?”

All the poor turtle could do was nod.

“Good. I did grab drinks by the way, April there should be a mixer in the cooler bag, Donnie there’s some of that lemon lime stuff that you said you wanted to try, Mikey, orange crush as usual, Raph I tried to go for Dr. Pepper but they were out so I figured that root beer was a safe second. And Leo they had a new boba flavor that you haven’t had yet so I grabbed one. If you don’t like it then you can have mine, I just have the peach royal.”

Beverages were tossed and they were lucky that their surprise didn’t throw off their catching skills. You and April shared a quick word in the kitchen as you took your coat off and ran a hand through your hair.

After some arguments team captains were decided and Donnie nearly had a heart attack when you picked him instead of Leo or either of your friends. He even went so far as to point at himself to make sure you weren’t joking. You declared that while you loved your boyfriend his morals were too strong to be competitive, Donnie’s were not, he said so himself.

They were all surprised that you’d remembered that conversation.

It wasn’t until halfway through the game that things started getting heated, you and Mikey were nearly jumping across the table at each other. And it visibly took all of your strength to not burst out laughing when he started yelling.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS CHEATING! YOU'RE CHEATING! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE!"

April and Casey were snorting into their arms as you got to your feet and walked towards the kitchen, making a poor attempt at climbing the appliance.

"THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!"

Raphael

Raph had always been under the impression that you were never really 100% yourself around him, he knew for a fact that you weren’t when you stayed over. He’d never seen someone so aggressively avoid someone, except himself of course. You were his partner of almost a year and it seemed like you were never going to let your true self shine. However you did seem to lighten up when you were alone with him, he supposed that was normal, but you may as well have been a pair of old earbuds that only work when you held them a certain way at the lair.

He honestly hadn’t expected that to change tonight, not given the text that Casey had sent him informing him of April’s recent breakup with whatever guy she’d been dating. So when he climbed in through the window and saw both you and Casey sitting on the floor in front of the bathroom he really didn’t think that the words out of your mouth would be-

“April you’ve got another twenty minutes of this then I’m ripping the door off the hinges!”

Casey shot you a look and you shrugged nonchalantly before getting to your feet and walking over to your confused boyfriend.

“Hey, sorry about this. Casey only texted you as a last resort if he needed someone to stop me from tearing the door off.”

Raph found that peculiar, “Uh, couldn’t he do it himself?”

The man in question looked up from his spot on the floor.

“Nah dude, they’re crazy. Last time I tried stopping them from doing something they nearly knocked my damn tooth out while screaming, and I quote, “If you put your hands on me I’m gonna fucking rip your face off” and quite frankly I don’t have the balls to test that.”

“No no dude, that’s valid. I wouldn’t either. Babe, why are you so-”

You raised an eyebrow at him over a glass of water, “Violent? I’m not Raph. These two just have little bitch feelings.”

He found it hard not to laugh at that and fifteen minutes later when you left his side to approach the door again it sent him reeling.

“This shit’s temporary April. You’ve got nice teeth and a fat ass, stuff your feelings down!”

Michelangelo

There would never be a time where Mikey wasn’t a prankster with you, it was just simply non-negotiable. You were cool with that and he was aware, he was also aware that no pranks were to be pulled at the lair. So he’d reign it in while you visited, just for a short while. But you’d never said anything about the apartment and Mikey was a creature of opportunity.

Unfortunately Leo talked him out of it and forced him not to pull anything while they visited. The leader was already on edge so when he walked in with the others following closely behind you were the first person to see him. Your eyes caught Mikey’s instantly and you might as well have been telepathic at that moment. But you took one look at Leo’s solid, angry face and seized your moment.

They weren’t at all ready for the scream.

“GET YOUR FUCKIN’ DOG BITCH!”

And they also weren’t ready for Mikey’s response of, “It don’t bite.”

And Leo was not ready for the pillow that got whipped at his face at incredibly high speed.

“YES IT DO-”

So when Leo finally realized that they were yelling at him his mood did not improve at all and in fact declined sharply into a pit of “oh fuck”. And that was how you ended up on Mikey’s shoulder getting dragged away from any sort of repercussion for your actions.

These got a little short near the end but I hope you like 'em and I hope I was able to capture what you had in mind! 😁

-Mars 🌠

[mindmeltonabun-blog]

Doom At Your Service: Analysis & Theories for EPs 7-8

Welcome back to another edition of analyses and theories time with me! I’m going to try and keep this post as short and as simple as possible. In case I don’t, I apologize in advance! Also, sorry if this post is filled with grammar mistakes and confusing syntax...I'm writing/editing this late at night and my ADHD meds have lost their effectiveness.

Anyways Eps 7-8 was pretty awesome and I’m glad that a bunch of my previous theories had come true! For those who wonder how I come up with some of these theories, I just look at everything whether it be big or small. I also try to look for connections and patterns. At the same time, I try to understand the motivations of characters and what is the big picture the writer is trying to paint. Once you're able to do all of that then you can predict where the story is going. This is how for the most part I was able to predict the events and endings of shows like TOTNT and TKEM. Anyhow, let’s get down to analyzing and theorizing! Turn on those thinking caps!

What the Rock Balancing Structure Represents

Rock balancing is a form of art that involves a person placing a combination of rocks in an arrangement. To achieve balance of the rocks, one must be very patient and compassionate. In its completion, the structure represents that while things may appear impossible, they are actually possible. So what seems impossible, but can actually be possible? Hmmm probably Myul Mang learning what it means to be human and ending up becoming human. Notice that both the rock art is next to the plant and the story of Pinocchio? It's saying saying that the impossible can be possible. It's possible for Myul Mang to be able to learn what it means to be a human so that the impossible can happen...he can "grow" up to becoming a real human.

The whole rock balancing structure could also signify that in order to grow, one must overcome one's deepest fears. I don't know about you all, but stacking rocks is a scary thing especially since at any moment the whole thing could fall over. Anyways, if you remembered, Myul Mang had been searching everywhere for Dong Kyung and feeling like one of his worst fears (Dong Kyung not existing) had came true. It's only when he goes to Dora's hospital room and sees both the Pinocchio book and rock structure that he got Dora's lesson. And that's why afterwards you didn't see Myul Mang going on another search for Dong Kyung somewhere else.

A brief digression. I’ve seen multiple people theorizing that the plant and the butterfly represent Dong Kyung and Myul Mang respectively. To them I say, did you just completely miss the part where Dora says the plant is Myul Mang? Myul Mang is both the butterfly and the plant. For those who still don’t see that, let me break it down.

First, what do butterflies symbolize? They symbolize metamorphosis, death, and rebirth. Myul Mang is not a literal butterfly, but he will eventually be one in a metaphorical sense. If anything, Myul Mang right now is like a caterpillar on the verge of entering the cocoon stage that is followed by a reemergence as a butterfly aka human. You can also look at it this way, Pinocchio is a butterfly too. Why? Well, look at what happens to Pinocchio. He is reborn as a real boy after having gone through metamorphosis (puppet -> real boy).

Now let’s examine the plant symbolism. What do plants represent in DAYS? They represent humans. What is Dora growing? A human Myul Mang..DUH!! Sorry, but I didn’t think it was that hard of a concept to grasp especially since Dora has already explicitly said what she is growing in that one scene. For Myul Mang to grow up to become a "good" human, he needs to learn to think about others, forgive himself, be compassionate (not only towards himself, but others as well), love others, etc. Other things Myul Mang would probably need to learn is how to love his fate or amor fati (loving your fate means loving it all, not just the good parts, but the bad parts too; loving it so much so that you would never want to change anything about it and would gladly relive your life the way it was over and over again for all of eternity).

I don’t think the "plant" will fully "blossom" until Myul Mang sacrifices himself to save Dong Kyung for the sole reason that he loves her (in contrast to sacrificing himself for his own personal gain). Therefore, that's probably the final lesson -- how to be completely selfless.

Dora just wants her son to grow up to be a "good" plant (human) so she doesn't have to end up pulling him out aka end him before he even becomes human! Okay???

Sorry if what I've just said was confusing. What I meant to say is that Myul Mang's personal growth is reflective in the plant's growth. The more he learns of what it means to be a "good" human, the more the plant will grow until it blossoms into a beautiful flower (a real human).

If we want to connect the idea of personal growth to the story of Pinocchio, we see that Pinocchio's growth occurs only after he experiences pain (physical and emotional) and love. From these experiences, he learns what it means to be a "good" boy and is rewarded by the Fairy transforming him into a real boy.

One Wish or Wishes?

In my previous post, I had briefly touched upon how I think Dong Kyung is going to wish for brain cancer to be cured. Though I still think this, I nevertheless want to explore some of the other possibilities of what her wish could be.

Potential Wishes:

1) Myul Mang to Become Human

2) More Wishes

3) Contract to be Voided

4) No One Remembering Her After She Dies

For #1, Dong Kyung wishes Myul Mang to become human, but then she still dies from her untreated brain cancer…so nope. For #2 and #3, are these wishes even allowed? I would like to point out some flaws of the writer. Maybe it’s not so much a flaw, but an annoyance I have with the writer of DAYS. What one can or cannot wish for is not explicitly stated. Due to this, it is somewhat difficult for me to accurately predict what Dong Kyung will wish for. It’s like trying to detect a substance without being given its upper and lower limits or range of detection (sorry for the science related analogy) ! For #4, I guess this one could be probable, but there is just too much evidence pointing to Myul Mang's death. After exploring each of the possibilities, I'm still left thinking that Dong Kyung's one wish will be to cure her cancer.

Anyways, even if Dong Kyung wishes for her brain cancer to be cured, it’s not really a happy ending since Myul Mang still dies. Is there any other way for Dong Kyung to make another wish so that she can save Myul Mang? I think there is and it comes in the form of the “gift” that Dora gave Dong Kyung. In my previous post, I had theorized that the marble may have a larger purpose than just being a symbol of how the fate of the world is Dong Kyung hands. I believe now that the marble’s larger purpose is that it is a type of wish fulfilling stone. Why? Because we know fantasy dramas typically make references to mythology. In this case, the writer of DAYS is probably referencing Hindu mythology.

In Hindu mythology there are 3 main gods:

1) Brahma: The Creator

2) Vishnu: The Preserver

3) Shiva: The Destroyer (Sounds like Myul Mang right? Also, the love story between Shiva and Parvati is somewhat similar to that of Myul Mang and Dong Kyung’s love story.)

Dora is the equivalent to the god Vishnu in Hindu mythology. Vishnu is often depicted wearing a “Cintamani”, a type of wish fulling stone analogous to the Philosopher’s Stone (hint hint…transforms something from one form into another…immortal -> human) in Western mythology. Given this, the marble/Cintamani in Dong Kyung's possession could be the key to Myul Mang’s rebirth.

Some might ask, “Well why can’t Dora just use it to wish for her son to be reborn as a human?”. Well, remember that both Dora and Myul Mang are slaves to the wishes of humans. They themselves cannot fulfil their own wishes or desires. Meaning, even though Dora and Myul Mang can wish for something to happen, they cannot carry it out unless humans wish it too. Also, as I mentioned previously, deities in kdramas never just give humans gift because they’re being nice. Rather, they give gifts to humans so that humans can help them accomplish their overall goals/wishes.

So putting it all together, do you see where I’m going with this? Dora has the same wish as Dong Kyung which is for Myul Mang to live, but Dora is unable to execute her goals/wishes unless Dong Kyung wishes it too. Dora knows that Dong Kyung will probably use her one wish to cure her brain cancer. At the same time, this leaves her son, Myul Mang, to die. Therefore, Dora gives Dong Kyung the wish fulfilling marble with the intention that Dong Kyung will use it to wish for her son, Myul Mang, to be reborn as a human. With Dora/Dong Kyung’s wish, Myul Mang will be free from his cursed life as an immortal and be reborn to be able to live happily with Dong Kyung.

Side note, the rebirth of Myul Mang into a human can either be dependent on Myul Mang's personal growth or it can be dependent on this wish fulfilling stone or both! I'm leaning more towards his personal growth as being the catalyst for his rebirth, but who knows! It very well could be that the marble has a role to play in his rebirth.

Is Dong Kyung Going To Be An Immortal?

No…no…and NO!!

Some might ask why don’t I think this? Well, for a bunch of reasons. I’ll admit I used to think that it would be very romantic for a human to become immortal so that they can be with their immortal lover forever. However, the more I thought about it, I came to the realization the notion of forever is not romantic nor beautiful. At its core, the concept of eternity is quite terrifying and ugly. And if you haven’t realized already, the writer of DAYS has been making multiple arguments against immortality. For anything to have meaning, it must have an end. In this sense, the end is beautiful.

To get my point across, I want you to try and think about some things. What keeps life meaningful? Experiences? People? Well, imagine doing something you love for a year. Now imagine doing it for trillions or zillions of years. Experiences no matter how good they are at first will eventually become tedious if you do it for long enough. For example, eating your favorite dish may be good for a while, but not for zillions of years. At one point or another, you ultimately lose your desire to want to eat it or eat entirely for that matter.

Now surely getting to know people and loving them can keep your life meaningful right? Well, how many times do you think you could handle knowing and loving people who eventually disappear? Eventually, you grow tired of crying and mourning over dead loved ones that you become numb. Now imagine being Dong Kyung. She would have to witness her family, their family, and so forth dying over and over again for all of eternity. Doesn’t that seem tortuous? Sure, one could argue that at least she has Myul Mang with her, but do you really think her love for him could sustain her forever? The relationship between Myul Mang and his mother, Dora, is a prime example of how a loving relationship could turn sour over a great deal of time. The gift of immorality Dora bestowed on Myul Mang became a curse instead of a blessing. So why would Myul Mang want to give Dong Kyung something that was basically a curse for him? As for Dora, she probably wouldn’t want to give Dong Kyung the same gift after seeing what it did to her son.

If you continue to think that Dong Kyung will become an immortal being, did you really smell what the writer of DAYS was cooking or did you just smell what you were cooking?

The Bad Case of the Riddles

From what I have been reading on multiple platforms now, it would seem that a lot of people are rather confused about a lot of things. It’s understandable! Throughout the show, the writer has presented some complex philosophical concepts that may be difficult for some viewers to grasp. To further add to the confusion, the characters at times do speak in what appears to be riddles. This I believe may be one of the major flaws of the writer. She has to consider that her audience are probably people who have never read any philosophical works before. Most viewers aren’t here to decipher cryptic messages or see how they’re connected to some major philosophical concepts such as eternal recurrence, existentialism, nihilism, amor fati, etc. Most are here to shut off their tired brain and enjoy some good fantasy romance! I know I’m totally one of those people!

Needless to say, I did find myself in a debate of whether I should discuss some philosophical concepts referenced in the show as to help you all gain a better sense of understanding. However, I concluded that it would take too much of my time to do so. Additionally, despite my best efforts to use the simplest of words, I found that whatever I had already written may have still been confusing to the everyday reader. Anyways, if there are any particular scenes or dialogue you all want to me go over, please feel free to use the ask button and I’ll do my best to try and answer them!

Whats Going to Happen Next?

Probably more filler type stuff aka more bs. It's common in kdramas for characters to go back and forth on their initial decision of whatever. Dong Kyung is going to break up with Myul Mang because she loves him and doesn't want him to die. And before the breakup, she's going to give him some good memories to remember her by. Following this, she's going to try and love herself so that she's the one that ends up dying and her wish is going to be for everyone to forget her? Okay......Zzzzzzz!! Idk... Dora is probably going to intervene somehow to get Dong Kyung and Myul Mang back together again.

Other Random Thoughts

What I think would be interesting to learn about is the connection between Dong Kyung's parents death and Dora past self's death. It wasn't just all a coincidence that they both died on the same day. Who knows... maybe Dong Kyung was meant to be in the car that day with her parents, but Dora's past self sacrificed herself to change Dong Kyung's fate.

Also, I still don't think Dong Kyung is going to die, I mean you got her brother praying to the deities that she lives!

Okay, I'm done. I wrote this in Microsoft Word and it was 5 pages long. My brain is dead. There's probably something I should've gone over or elaborated more about, but oh well. Thanks for reading this disjointed post!

[sam-t-a]

Okay. 

*Deep breath* 

I think I’m finally calm enough to put into words exactly why I hated the finale and why I wasn’t completely surprised that I hated it. 

(Heads-up: this is really long and pretty negative. If you disagree, I would of course appreciate your point of view and love to hear it, but just thought I’d let you know in case this is the kind of post you would like to avoid.)

To me, it felt like every character on the show got betrayed in some way or another, but the main ones are Han Seo (devastatingly), Chayoung (obviously) and Han Seok (bear with me). 

Cha Young: 

She started out as a solid FL who annoyed some people for sure, but who had so much promise as someone unconventional and bold. The way her mother’s death affected her and caused a clear shift in her personality was a super interesting plot point that really never got explored. We have no idea how she came to sacrifice her morality in joining Wusang, just that she wanted to spite her father, which is a very superficial exploration. She gets cute idiosyncrasies in lieu of an actual character and an actual character arc. 

We also, halfway through the show, seem to forget that her father's death was the initial trigger. Cha young does not suggest bold ideas or intricate plans, she doesn’t fill the gaps Vincenzo is incapable of filling (because that would require that Vincenzo have flaws, and that’s not something the writers can abide), and she’s literally victimized in episode 19 and bedridden in episode 20, and that is IT. 

Someone who started out supposedly as Vincenzo’s equal just became another piece in his chess set, no matter how important a piece she may be. 

So her role as a badass avenger is trashed. That leaves her role as a love interest. Now, as Vincenzo’s love interest, she was supposed to get kidnapped in like episode 5 or 6 at the most if the villain has any brains whatsoever (Han Seok may or may not, more on that later). We need a reason for that not to happen too early. Cue villain is somehow in love with her for all of 15 minutes or so throughout a 20-episode series because a love triangle is inconceivable with the show’s current structure and for its purposes. 

So, she spends 15 or so episodes making the first move on Vincenzo, every time, putting herself out there, creating cute moments, getting nothing in return, and then he leaves. No confession, nothing much, he wasn’t even going to say goodbye or give her the choice of coming with him. 

I’m sure more chayenzo-oriented fans have already expressed all the necessary outrage over this, so I’ll move on to the part that I’ve personally been way more emotionally invested in from the get go: the Jang brothers. 

Han Seo: 

I was among the minority that  hated the “Vinny hyung” angle from the get-go and I’ve ranted about it in another post, so I won’t get into it here in-depth, but basically it was because I felt like Vincenzo hadn’t earned it, so to have the last words Han Seo hears be “You deserve to be my brother” or whatever the fuck he was on about PISSED ME OFF. It’s VINCENZO who doesn’t deserve to be Han Seo’s brother and hasn’t done a single thing to earn it. He was a good ally. The situation he allowed Han Seo to be a part of was beneficial to him, but Han Seo’s attachment to him was neither healthy nor heartwarming, and it certainly wasn’t returned on the level he offered it.

Vincenzo’s disregard of his death didn’t strike me as odd because I never saw enough indications that this was a two-way street and Han Seo’s safety and well-being came second so often that I didn’t get the impression Vincenzo was doing much to keep him alive. This is what I meant when I said the show was glorifying a torture survivor’s trauma responses. Han Seo himself, as a torture survivor, meant nothing to them. He was just there to create one more contrived comparison between Vincenzo and Han Seok. Instead of recovering from the trauma, it’s simply employed to someone else’s favor. He doesn’t go to prison for Han Seok, he takes a bullet for Vincenzo, and we’re supposed to see that as so much better.

All of that might (JUST MIGHT) not have ruined the show for me if he’d died better. 1) It was narratively pointless and totally avoidable, 2) they could’ve framed it as heroic, but instead Han Seok’s hand patting his head is pushing it down, so he can’t even get shot with his chin up and his back straight, Taec’s already taller, so the angle’s fucked and the whole cinematography screamed “kicking an injured puppy” and most certainly NOT “survivor finally stands up to his abuser”. The final nail in the proverbial and literal coffin is that he is mourned by no one. They’re FLIRTING not 3 MINUTES LATER, it felt so tone deaf and left such a bad taste. As I said, I didn’t expect significant mourning from Vincenzo (gotta say, I didn’t expect no mourning, that was a shocker), and Cha young and the tenants had no real interactions with him and no reason to mourn him, which left only one person who could. 

Which brings me to Han Seok. 

Han Seok started out as a solid villain, clear goals, clear skills that help him achieve his goals and basically make him a villain worth defeating, and a very complex relationship with both his own psychopathy and his brother. 

Let me get it out of the way: I do not believe Han Seok is capable of killing Han Seo because he had every reason and every opportunity to do so in previous episodes and couldn’t do it (I say couldn’t because a certain degree of reluctance is in itself inability). Han Seo’s danger far outweighed his material value the minute he shot Han Seok and then completely lost any value once he came out to the world as the chairman and it became clear that the prosecution would be going after him if anything happened, and not his brother. But time and again, he’s proven he’s all bark and no bite when it comes to Han Seo (killing-wise, specifically). 

The scene where he asks him to beat Vincenzo to death could be interpreted as him wanting to give Vincenzo the “painful death” he would have given him, but honestly, I think he was way past that point. He just wanted him dead in the “You crazy? we have to kill him before he kills us” sense. To that end, killing off a key ally of Vincenzo’s, who betrayed you and almost got you killed a bunch of times, should take priority, but Han Seok’s priority is reclaiming Han Seo by forcing him back onto his side. Now, much like his “love for Cha young”, Han Seok’s keenness on not killing his brother was essential to the writers so that Han Seo can justifiably make it this far and still be useful to Vincenzo (he can’t help if Han Seok completely excludes him from all events, plans and management processes, so Han Seok needs to want to keep him on his side enough not to do that even when it’s more prudent). 

All of this isn’t to say it’s unbelievable that he would kill Han Seo, but it’s DEFINITELY unbelievable that he would stay the same man after killing him. Someone here (I’m sorry, I don’t rememebr who) once said that Han Seo had become, over time, far more of a foil to his brother than Vincenzo was. To me, this means that Post-Han Seo Han Seok would be out of balance (tilted screen), unhinged in a way he never was before. The Han Seok we see shrugs and “oh, well”-s and moves on in a flash, not really any different from the villain he was four minutes and a whole brother earlier. 

This is very consistent with the way the show has been de-humanizing him from the start. I’m not saying this to defend Han Seok in any way, he’s a serial killer, an abuser and a total maniac. But you can be all those things and still a human being. In fact, you can ONLY be those things if you’re a human being. The show used its villain vs villain idea to justify a lot, but in the end, Vincenzo had to be a protagonist. He had to follow up every “I’m a villain” with a contrived “but at least I’m not (insert something worse)”. 

On the level of humans:

1) Vincenzo is supposedly different because he doesn’t hurt children or women (unless the women deserve it, and shooting a parent in front of their kid doesn’t count as hurting.) 

But we never see Han Seok hurting women or children either. In fact, if we proceed with the “chayoung is the myung hee of the good guys” comparison, he hasn’t hurt any women nearly as badly as Vincenzo did. 

2) Babel vs Mafia 

Babel’s corruption is compared a lot to the mafia, with Vincenzo commenting repeatedly that the people are WORSE than the mafia...which is bullshit. Babel is a set of companies that provide goods and services, but use illegal means to maximize their profit, so they hurt/kill people in the process because they want more money and care about money more than ethics. The Mafia is an inherently criminal organization that functions PURELY on the basis of its criminality. Every single dime Vincenzo spends is blood money. None of it is clean. And while we’re on the topic, I find the whole “taking Miri under his wing” thing pretty unreasonable too because he tried to have her killed you guys, I cannot believe we’re just glossing over that. He had everyone who worked on that vault killed, just random fucking construction workers. And he’s not sorry. And the show tells you he shouldn’t be. 

3) Repentance

Han Seok says outright he won’t atone, and while Vincenzo says no such thing out loud he just...doesn’t repent, I guess. He keeps the blood money, he goes back to being a full-time mafia dude doing mafia things. He leaves the same man he arrived. 

So, if on the level of harm inflicted upon humanity, Vincenzo and Han Seok are pretty much equal (and Vincenzo might actually be worse), then why should we root for Vincenzo? 

Well, my friend, that’s where the dehumanization comes in! 

I was initially very excited to see their portrayal of a psychopath because of the very interesting ways in which the informal moral code and official justice system surrounding a psychopath/sociopath/narcissist affect their behavior and their chances of not turning out rotten, and the show looked like it was looking at corruption in general. 

But as the show went on, the villain vs villain thing proved not to be enough, Vincenzo has to be better in some way (or if you’re as obsessed with him as the writers are, then ALL ways), so it became a villain vs monster narrative. Vincenzo isn’t ethical or fair or in any way interested in having a remotely positive impact on society, but at least he’s A HUMAN BEING unlike SOMEBODY. So, the characterization goes to shit, Han Seok becomes a cartoon card-board cut out of a villain and emphasis is put on how pointless his violence is, as opposed to how purposeful Vincenzo’s is. 

This is dangerous on multiple levels (and I promise this is the last point I’m making). 

1) For people in general, dehumanizing abusers/murderers/etc. makes us very liable to forget that you don’t have to be “a monster” to cause harm, and it makes people complacent in their belief that they are “not bad people” since they aren’t total monsters. The Banality of Evil is a thing, and in this series, it goes completely ignored. No one is inherently incapable of good or inherently undeserving of humanity. 

2) For victims of abuse in specific, it’s dangerous to portray abusers (including serial killer and non-serial killer ones) as entirely bad and unlovable, because it poses the dual risk of making victims less likely to acknowledge their abuse if it comes from someone who cares about or loves them on some level because the idea that someone cannot both love and hurt you is so stereotypical. Your abuser can genuinely want you in their lives and need you and, on some level, love you, and IT DOESN’T MATTER if that love doesn’t stop them from hurting you. 

On the other hand, portraying the victims of abuse as capable of flipping an off switch and hating the abuser with no hesitation or second thoughts to the point of unapologetically and cheerfully helping someone kill them and having no mixed feelings about it sends the message that if you CAN’T do that, then are you really abused? Are sure you’re not complicit in your own abuse? Do you even want to get rid of them? 

So this is basically why the way the show ended was so painfully disappointing for me. And the main reason it hit so hard was that it was initially so good and had so much promise. I really expected more.

[twerkinirken]

@mybrainisbigpoop says it so well that I don’t need to add anymore in character examples BUT I have some meta ones!

Firstly I would never disregard how people’s minds interpret and view characters because the brain is so multi faceted there could be many reasons BUT I am so interested to know if @mysticmermaid108 watched Enter The Florpus before they watched the series?

More often then not our views and perceptions are cemented by our first judgement of something. It’s very human to have strong first impressions and instant judgements when meeting someone or seeing something for the first time.

I’ve heard a surprisingly decent amount of opinions where people love ETF but hate series Dib because they don’t like that he’s ��mean” and that’s totally okay pick and choose what you like! Humans do that, it’s a beautiful thing.

The comparison to Dipper is also so fucking common and crossovers with their friendship or romance is overflowing and I love that but the key differences between them is environment.

Dipper who is a “smart awkward nerd” lives in a world that while may think he’s strange doesn’t hate him. He has family and friends who openly support his interests and love him and at the very least go “yeah that could be real, probably isn’t but go off”

Dib who is a “depressed emo whose edgy and outcasted” (though I don’t think he’s an emo I’ll give you that) lives in a world that literally despises him and refuses to believe his beliefs exist. Adults range from hating him, finding him annoying and literally having PTSD from him which is far worse on his psyche then fellow kids hating him. He has to be a bully, he has to be outcasted and he has to be edgy because the world around him demands it for his own survival.

You’re free to interpret him as not being an outcast in AUs or him growing out of it but he IS an outcast and mentally unwell in canon. I often say fuck canon and mould it to suit my needs but it is the source material and structure and it’s what I build my versions around.

Enter The Florpus is a straight up NICER world, even down to the fact that the world literally isn’t as polluted as the series. (The sky is actually blue, there’s no smog, etc) ETF Dib IS a smart awkward nerd like Dipper because in this world he has a nicer environment.

I GENUINELY DO NOT BELIEVE ETF IS THE SAME WORLD BECAUSE I DON’T BELIEVE THIS DIB WENT THROUGH EVEN ONE IOTA OF THE HATRED AND BULLYING AND SHIT SERIES DIB WENT THROUGH!

His Father is present and while he doesn’t like his interests, supports him as apposed to Series Membrane who whole heartedly wanted to throw his young child into a corrupt literal insane asylum. Gaz openly supports him as apposed to the series and even the comics, for example the only reason she “I GUESS I don’t want him to die” spent the day saving his life was because 1) she directly caused it and 2) she needed him to go with her to Bloaty’s for the family dinner, that issue also ended with her punching him as soon as the danger of him dying was over. Enter The Florpus is a cleaner nicer world and thus so is Dib.

I could be completely wrong though and wasted all my time writing this and the person who wrote the main post did see the series first and just chose to prefer ETF or even perceives the series differently from me BUT THAT IS STILL SO INTERESTING! I love that 10 different people can watch the same thing and have 10 completely different interpretations of the same thing.

I like to think of myself as a unique case in the IZ fandom as I didn’t grow up with IZ even though I was around when it aired when I was a kid I didn’t like that he had exactly Daggit’s voice from Angry Beavers LMAO

So because of that I basically discovered the movie and series at the same time and binged them all at once. I don’t have the nostalgia goggles. I chose to find and watch the series first because I wanted my impression to be the original sauce material and I’m glad I did.

Look, I don’t know WHERE ya’ll are getting this whole “Dib is a depressed emo who’s edgy and outcast”. That’s not the vibe I get from him at ALL. I see him as the more “smart awkward nerd” kinda character, similar to Dipper from Gravity Falls. Idk, it’s just so weird seeing people read a character SO badly 😂

[ladyinbooks]

Hello there! I just found your work on AO3 and oh my god, I love Hess and Dan so much! Their dynamics! The subtle manipulations that you wrote for Hess is amazing! And the other thing that really made me attracted to their story is the pacing. Is it alright if I ask how you pace the chapters of your story? Do you maybe have a chapter structure or rough scenes in mind before you start writing? Story pacing is something I struggle with and I could use some advise and opinions 😭

(I'm so sorry @themonotonysyndrome - I couldn't resist. My brain saw 'Hello there', and defaulted! 😅)

Hello!

Yay! I'm so pleased you like Hess 'n Dan! ❤️❤️ Hess is a very difficult character to like, so I'm very happy indeed that you enjoyed him and his manipulating ways! (You've reminded me how much I've missed writing him - I really should finish off that last P2P oneshot!)

Oh gosh, I know the feeling! Pacing is always a pain for me too, so you have my sympathies! I can only tell you what I do. It may work for you, it may not (I know my chapters tend to be a bit lengthier than the norm, so I could be speaking about pacing here with an authority I don't have! 😅).

So, what works for me is this:

Generally, I know where the plot is going for a fic. I know several key points I have to hit along the way, both in terms of plot, but also character development. So I tend to aim for these 'pulse points' in each narrative. (I suppose 'Acts' might be a better term, although that sounds like me being pretentious!)

When I know which pulse point I'm aiming for, I work out roughly how long I think it will take me to get there. (E.g. Three chapters.) As you've probably guessed, this doesn't always work for me! (Hence my copious author's notes going 'One more chapter! One more!') However, I'll normally split a chapter up into sections. This is usually three or four scenes, and I'll make little notes for each one.

For example, my notes for chapter 1 of Path to Paradise were - quite literally - this:

Meet Hess (Dan asleep; woken up; meets the neighbours with tea; 'Oh no, he's hot')

Life on the beat (a demon is in trouble; Dan's secret identity! Bit of an explanation - what was he up to Before?)

Getting to know each other - start playful; end with a little bit of 'let's not talk about it'

Hess you gorgeous sinister bastard (soft start, early morning; a 'first' kiss, that's Dan's undoing - this is it: this is the start of everything unravelling; say hello to the Beast

Dan's WTF moment (Hess's brand)

As you can see - not exactly genius notes! 🤣 But it helped me keep a clear idea of what I wanted from the chapter, and mostly kept me from derailing too far.

Sometimes I did derail though, and that's ok! From time to time, Hess or Dan veered sharply off track because they had more to say for themselves, and honestly you do have to go with what works (even if it means a detour).

Which is my very long and rambling way of saying: for pacing, it works for me to have a plan. I don't always stick to it, but I try to know what I'm aiming for. However, if sometimes you need to take a little longer to get to your writing destination, then that's fine too. The characters will let you know where they want to go!

I hope that helps! ❤️❤️❤️❤️