#i guess im feelin it tonight?

[nickisnecromancy]

Werewolf Girl Experience

[whomturgled]

:^(

[orcelito]

lmao @ me being like "hmm maybe for Vash's bday i can share a snippet from ITNL chapter 14 WIP"

everything's a spoiler tho. there r no easy to remove things bc everything's a spoiler. Bleh

[saltinesinsoup]

was looking in the fundy tag bc of the tommy & jack dsmp thing bc i wanted to see if he’s been up to anything that tumblr would have. but all im finding is either porn bots posting links OR fundie snark sims roleplay??? its very strange

[daisymbin]

have you ever been in love? - choi seungcheol

warnings: none

pairings: choi seungcheol x reader

genre: friends to ???

wc: 900

check out my masterlist!

"have you ever been in love?" you ask, your eyes still fixated on the carefree clouds drifting lazily through the night sky, illuminated by the city lights.

seungcheol chuckles softly, the sound getting caught in the cool breeze that surrounds you both. he takes another sip of his beer, masking the way his heart races. how much more obvious could he be? are you really that oblivious?

"i suppose i have," he answers, his voice steady and calm even as his eyes can't help but trace the outline of your face, the way your features soften in the moonlight.

"what's it like?" you turn your head slightly, curiosity written in your expression. he's not sure how he should feel about your question.

seungcheol pauses, thinking about the feeling he’s harbored for you for so long. "it’s... terrifying and exhilarating at the same time," he says, a wistful smile playing at his lips. "it feels like wanting to be someone's everything, wanting to make them smile even when the world feels too heavy for myself. it’s being so scared of losing them that it’s all you think about. but at the same time, it makes everything brighter. love changes the way you see things, you know?"

you take a moment to process his words, letting them sink in, before you say quietly, “i guess..i dont know.”

“have you ever been in love?” he asks carefully, its a past tense question so it shouldnt hurt….right?

"i'm...not sure if i’ve ever been in love before.. but lately, i’ve started feeling things i’ve never felt before, and i wonder if it’s love. that's why im asking you.”

seungcheol’s heart stops, breaking a little at the thought of you loving someone else. his voice comes out smaller, almost vulnerable. "does what you’re feelin…m-match what i said?"

you think for a moment and then nod slowly. "yeah," you admit, a soft blush spreading across your cheeks.

his breath catches & he feels his stomach churning. this isn't a past tense situation, this is present tense, NOW. "who is it?" he asks as his voice trembles. the 4 years he's spent pinning over you seems to have made him timid tonight, he's not usually like this, but still, he braces himself for an answer that he knows will shatter him.

you hesitate, your eyes finding his, sparkling with adoration. "you," you whisper, your voice firm with sincerity.

seungcheol’s eyes widen, and for a moment, the world stills. and then, without thinking, he’s reaching for you, the biggest smile breaking out on his face. "me?" he repeats, as if he can’t quite believe it.

you nod, "you...you like me too right?"

"like?" seungcheol laughs, finding humour in your choice of words, his laugh holds a hint of disbelief, his eyes crinkling with pure joy. "like?" he repeats, his voice still colored with amusement. "i don't just like you," he confesses, his voice growing softer, more sincere. "i've been completely, ridiculously in love with you."

you feel your heart skip a beat, disbelief and hope swirling in your chest. "really?" you whisper, your voice small, almost afraid that this moment could shatter like a delicate glass figurine.

his gaze softens as he reaches for your hand, his warm fingers intertwining with yours. "really," he says, his thumb brushing over your knuckles.

"did you really not notice?" he asks, "i almost started to think you knew but just didnt have the heart to reject me."

your cheeks flushes as you think about all the little moments you'd noticed—the small ways he always seemed to look out for you, the way he'd remember the tiniest details about your life, and how his eyes would light up every time you entered a room. "i just... i always thought it was wishful thinking...like the time you carried extra snacks just because you knew i'd forget to eat, or when you'd always find an excuse to walk me home, even when you lived in the opposite direction. or how you’d get so quiet and protective whenever you thought someone was being unfair to me."

seungcheol's eyes widen with a mix of surprise and endearment, a fond smile spreading across his lips. "so you noticed all that?" he asks, his voice warm with a hint of embarrassment.

"i did," you say, a shy smile tugging at your lips. "but it just seemed too good to be true."

he pulls you a little closer, his eyes searching yours, filled with a mixture of adoration and relief. "it wasn’t too good to be true," he whispers, and then, with the most tender of touches, he leans in.

when his lips meet yours, it's everything and more. it's gentle, sweet, and filled with all the love that has been building between you two, unspoken but always there, waiting for the right moment.

when you finally pull away, you're both breathless, cheeks flushed. seungcheol's smile is still there, brighter than ever.

[teyvat-writer]

Ahhhh ty!

-@kunikuzushi-kunimitsu

Yesyes, you're welcome! Welcome to the club, pal!

[pierregazly]

into you ꨄ pierre gasly smau

pierre gasly x fem!tsunoda!reader

in which pierre has been soft launching his girlfriend for the last year, keeping her obscured from the world... and from her brother.

pierregasly

tagged charles_leclerc and alpinef1team

liked by charles_leclerc, yn_tsunoda, yukitsunoda0511, and 1,353,092 others

pierregasly feelin' like a shark in the water after 2 weeks on the beach

view all 3,475 comments

username this man is going to put me over the edge, who is SHE

username he tags people that aren't even in the photos and still refuses to tag the girl he's been posting about for over a YEAR pierre you suck

username i just find it hard to believe she's even real at this point lol

username we're all reaching that level of delulu girly

username do we think she's a paid actress??? is that why he refuses to post her face

username maybe she's got an ugly face and pierre doesn't want to hear about it???

username comments like these are exactly why he probably doesnt want to hard launch, ur all unbearable

charles_leclerc 🥰

pierregasly

tagged yukitsunoda0511

liked by yukitsunoda0511, yn_tsunoda, charles_leclerc, and 892,309 others

pierregasly masterchef night with yukitsunoda0511 , a promise is a promise

view all 4,592 comments

username find some1 who looks at you the way that yuki looks at pierre

yn_tsunoda guess my invite got lost on the way 🥺😭

yukitsunoda0511 i cook for you all the time shoo pierregasly always an open invite for you, jolie fille 💗

username the fact pierre always called yn_tsunoda jolie fille is sooo cute, like yuki was def pierre's fav teammate with how close he is with his fam!!

liked by yn_tsunoda and 43 others

username the start of yuki's restaurant!!!

username this bromance is sooooo underrated

yn_tsunoda posted a story

liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc, and others

replies

yukitsunoda0511 who is that

yukitsunoda0511 y/n what is this

yn_tsunoda 🤫🤫

pierregasly adore you, ma belle

pierregasly

tagged alpinef1team

liked by yn_tsunoda, charles_leclerc, alpinef1team, and 982,301 others

pierregasly PODIUM P3!!!! Lets f****** GO!!! Had so much fun this afternoon, big congrats to my team!! alpinef1team

view all 2,403 comments

charles_leclerc congrats mr. gasly 💪

alpinef1team Our first together. Such a special day 💙

username can i hear a pieeeerrreee gaaaassssslyyy from danny ric pls

yn_tsunoda so proud of you my love!!! couldn't have asked for a better end to the weekend 💗💗

pierregasly 💗💗 yukitsunoda0511 my love??? what??? yukitsunoda answer your phone rn y/n_tsunoda

yn_tsunoda

tagged pierregasly

liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc, danielricciardo, and 46,209 others

yn_tsunoda first p3 with alpine for this amazing man!!! i'm so proud of you my love, can't wait to celebrate with you tonight

view all 1,203 comments

yukitsunoda0511 my love??? what is THIS

yukitsunoda0511 answer your phone right now

yukitsunoda0511 pierregasly answer my texts (p3 you are awesome)

pierregasly thank you ma belle, can't wait to celebrate with my best friend tonight 💗

charles_leclerc 1.5 years later, what a launch!

username not pierre soft launching for a year and a half... just for y/n to be like 🤷‍♀️

username they are so cute im screaming!!!!!!

yukitsunoda0511 WHY WILL NO ONE ANSWER MY TEXTS

pierregasly has posted a story

pierregasly tagged yn_tsunoda in their story

liked by yn_tsunoda, charles_leclerc, and others

replies

yn_tsunoda oh we're so cute

yukitsunoda0511 stop ignoring me!!!! i will fight you!!!!!

yukitsunoda0511 you both hid this for a WHOLE YEAR AND A HALF

pierregasly liked this reply

this was a request for a tsunoda!reader that's been dating pierre for a year and 6 months who he's been soft launching, and then after his recent podium, it comes out that they're dating and yuki loses his mind/is shocked in the comments. i hope yall enjoyed!!!

my requests are open :)

taglist

@leclercdream @myescapefromthislife @princessria127 @iloveyou3000morgan @love4lando @asfaraslifegets @decseptapril @somanyfandomsbruh @fangirl125reader @imagandom @motorsp0rt @jspitwall @sarahedwards16 @glitterf1 @christianpulisic10

if you're interested in being added to my taglist let me know! if your name is struck out, it wouldn't let me tag you

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

sitting here thinking about the last decade and how tonight really is End Of An Era... esp for those who's character deeply cares about Solas (either friendship, or romance, or rivalry, or hatred or whatever else!) because like. We are FINALLY going to find out. We waited basically the same length of time that is being skipped in-universe to Find Out. Anyone who asks "why would your character still care that much after 10 years, don't you think that's unrealistic" well buddy its been the SAME DECADE for me on the outside and here i am still just as obsessed with this miserable elf.

but anyone who plays the games after this point ISN'T GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT... not ten years not 1 year not even a week if they don't want. they're gonna be able to load up DA:V right after they finish Trespasser if they wish. what the fuck???? insane. i think actually we should make them wait AT LEAST a month to go wild on speculation as a speedrun of what we have been Enduring on our own...

anyway im feelin some kinda Way i guess.... thank u everyone who has been following this blog for any amount of the almost-decade i've had it up... i started it after it became clear my Solas and Dragon Age obsession was eclipsing every other single thing on my main blog (which is @songofsaraneth hi that username is me when it likes/comments on your stuff) and HERE WE ARE. damn. its been an honor. i cant actually do the saluting emoji here bc i am using an iOS from like 2018 still but imagine i have inserted it

[scourgefrontiers]

im feelin so weird abt drawing characters tonight. or just drawing in general? idk. my daily adderall wore off i guess lol. im sleepy but i wanna draw still..wagh. maybe i'll just draw scourge or smth

[shittydrawndave]

Fellow texan.

TG: huh i thought i lost this thing

TG: guess not

TG: do you ever wonder what texas politicians were thinking when they made the flag

TG: was the choice of colors like a YARRRRRGH AMERICA patriotism thing cause im sure feelin the fireworks and cheeseburgers tonight

TG: that and the weak ass bald eagle sound that makes it sound like if a rubber chicken were suffocating

TG: like cmon man you can do SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT

TG: whats even the point of the national bird if the bird has vocal cords the size of a rapidly decaying atom

TG: we gotta hear it from the ROOFTOPS

TG: climb to mount everest and hear that PATRIOTISM

TG: whats that the random european guy standing next to you asks

TG: and then you woo him with your sick america trivia

TG: donuts military and guns galore

TG: it existed in our days of yore

TG: this could be a rap

[figula]

finally was brave enough to look at the pics of me + it was not quite as bad as i'd feared but much worse than id hoped lol. i mean i guess i'd hoped that somehow, miraculously, i'd look nothing like myself lol. the photos themselves are lovely but i cant look at myself in them and feel anything othe rthan horror and shame :( i wish this wasn't the case! ben really likes them had a lil cry about it all just gonna be sad tonight i think and tomorrow ill pull myself together im just feelin sad and embarrassed like... no one could possibly look at me and think i was pretty... they could only think nasty thoughts :( tomorrow ill pull myself back together. just gotta get through the agony of having to look at myself (i phrased this kind of as a joke but like for real tho lol) wish this was a different post lol like "wow i dont look as bad as i thought!" but it is not

[historixally-accurate]

HI ITS ME IM BACK!

im so sorry for not responding sooner but its been really rough for me lately :,) guess you could say ive been going through it. not very sexily. its gotten so bad ive just put an empty note in my notes app called "YOU BETTER RESPOND RN YOU FLAKE" so here i am (=v=)b sounds like youve had a rough time too, damn. how have you been? have you recovered? hope youre feelin better by the time you read this. and hope my silly little essay makes you smile :>

i popped into fulham's stream last night and saw you in fulham's chat at 1am...what da hell !!!!! again. too mf shy to say hi but uh. just know i badly wanted to. i woke up today absolutely hammered with sleep deprivation cause my parent woke me up too early so i guess i got slammed with consequences Sadge.

never worry about traumadumping about acads. im being compketely honest here when i say that if most SG students were to describe their experiences in school, it would 100% be met with disbelief at best and horror at worst from people overseas. compared to the rest of the world, believe me when i say our syllabus is insane. cheers for SG ... yay....MOE sleep with one eye open tonight. i hope you make some new friends soon! life would suck without em. talking to people is hard, but its unfortunately the first step in making friends. i wish you all the best :D

i think your phone layout looks fantastic. honestly its your phone and you get to figure out what to do with it, so if it sucks to you, hit the bricks

about skibidi...i woukd have never guessed fein was the reason why you say skibidi LOL. but i would have guessed correctly for the fulham "peculiar" thing. bros terminally british. hopes he gets well soon. prayge /lh

ill do my best for the BAC stream, but thibgs are just getting hectic again for me, help save me...... opened twitch (i dont have notifs on) yesterday and i was immediately stricken with grief as i found out fucking. 21mustard had ended stream JUST A FEW HOURS PRIOR. i wanted to bash my head into the nearest wall. it was fine though i just played it in the background as i did my workout. but i almost dropped my weights when i looked over and saw him buidling the most atrocious troll face i had ever seen in my life. that would have been bad, because i was holding 12.5kg dumbbells at the time. if i did drop them, i wouldnt have a foot anymore. on the bright side, i watched as he proceeded to lose the 2 matches he played against emerald. that was uh. yeah. gotta love white boy against white boy violence

NOOOOOO PLEASE DONT PUT ME INTO FUNNY JAIL IM NOT GOING BACK THERE. MY FRIENDS HAVE ONE TOO MNAY TIMES. pleeeeease let me have my fart jokes im begging you theyre high on my reasons to liveee im giving you puppy dog eyes rn if you prefer cats im giving you my most soggy wet cat pathetic cat eyes pleaseeeeee dont revoke my fart rights

about the feinberg rocks video. hell yes ive seen it!!!!!! i have an unhealthy addiction to the funny channels. silverruns funny and talking mime funny and feinberg rocks ily <3 i, too, watch them on repeat every time i have free time. #unhealthily obsessed

gl for amath soldier. thats all i have to say. its easy to score if you love math and drill concepts in hard teehee <3

i see what you did with the name pun. i too love puns. and lame jokes. in case you coukdnt already tell my sense of humour is just sliiiiiiightly skewed. yeah no i still laugh at poop and yoir mom jokes who am i kidding. when i was showing my friend my youtube feed and a vid about "top ten vidoes of people who hit the griddy" popped up and i couldnt stop laughing while my friend just like. sighed in disappointment. yeah no its been getting really bad actually, i bet you could get me to laugh at a video of "top ten skibidi toilets" or smth. i dont wheeze but if i did i wouldnt be able to get up after watching that one.

so you like friends who take charge huh that explains the talkingmime/feinberg connection lol. i dont really know about emerald, but so far when i think "mapicc" and "emerald" i dont really see connections? please expalin it sounds interesting. is it the voice HAHA

you like people with GREEN as their colour pallete??!?!?!?@?@ omg.... damn......i woukd hate drawing them (this dumbass has no idea how to colour theory, which is ironic considering my arts background) ... but it sounds reslly mf cool!!!

i think its about time i ask the actual "get to know you" questions. internet hot takes. pancakes or waffles, milk or cereal first, etc. for me i dont really have an opinion on pancakes or waffles, but since i eat pancakes way more often (theyre easier to make, i dont have a waffle iron, waffles in singapore are really expensive sigh) i woukd have to say pancakes. i put milk first. this might get me stoned to death. no comment :)

happy to receive the honour of making you laugh (pls dont cry LMAO) i actually first saw this at night. but im repsinding now in the afternoon, so ill have both a skibiditastic day and a rizzler night😈😈im just sigma that way. i cringed a bit typing that out im ngl . i apologise for the way way overdue response again D: and as always, have a beautiful gyattastic pyun pyun rest of the day/night. ome

- sgmcsr anon

p.s. your yappery is greatly appreciated every time. i think youre very cool too :3

hi anon. oh boy this'll be a long one

don't worry bout not giving me my daily ask, just make sure you take care of yourself. singapore is really demanding even in terms of hobbies and co curriculars, so I really don't blame you. take care anon, I'll be... chronically online ^_^

fulham stream huh? speaking of, as of when I'm writing this, he's supposed to stream soon LMAO if you're a regular lurker, I hope I'll see you around when you gain the courage to say hi 💥 fulchat is very kind <3

AS OF NOW. IT IS 2 53 AM. I COMPLEYELY FORGOT I HAD TUMBLR OPEN WHILST WATCHING FULHAM STREAM. ok let's continue

MOE has kinda ruined multiple young students hopes and dreams because they either got one mark to low or 5 marks too low (IM LOOKING AT U PSLE SYSTEM. IM LOOKING AT YOU. FUCKING ACHIEVEMENT LEVELS. I'LL KILL YOU). it's really stupid and it forces students to study harder (and put immense mental pressure on themselves!!) MOE YOU BETTER PRAY HARD HARD THAT YOU DONT FUCK UP THE NEXT BATCH OF STUDENTS ILL SEND MY MONGEY ARMY. anyway I think I'll be okay friends wise :) everything is all mongeyful and skibidi in the gold household.

I'm a little lazy, so I'm not changing my layout yet </3 I love my silly messed up mcsr layout for now, so yay. it stays.

I watched so many feinberg clips where he says skibidi, glorp and mothasucka a lot. so. oops! in you go into my vocabulary! also, fulham saying peculiar and bello! I need this British man to. explode. positively. he's very cool. but I need another word that isn't peculiar to describe something odd or misleading 😭😭

yeah no I feel u... my friend spam pinged me sayin mime was live at 6 45 am. SIX FORTY FIVE. I WOKE UP AT 9 45 HOPING HE WAS LIVE. he wasn't. I was devastated and my day was RUINED. awful not mongeyful day. MODS please force him to stream more :( I love nEmerald. that guy is so cool. he has definitely also affected how I speak (oh noey)

every time I need something to watch while eating lunch, I'll pull up HBG clips or any ___funny videos and I am INSTANTLY entertained. like that is my form of baby sensory. easily charmed by speedrunning fails :') so skibidi. literally I will watch the same ass clips to giggle at talkingmime or fein and I think that's a testament to how normal I am!

sigh. I have math tuition tomorrow. not thrilled </3 but I'll do my best nonetheless 💥

yeahhh you like that pun I did... I'll scoff at your mom jokes, but i will start rofling whenever my parents use gen alpha slang . FOR EXAMPLE. my sister was lifting groceries today and she was saying it was really heavy, but she could handle it. my father follows up by saying "yeah! go beast mode!" and I laughed. really loud. also, my mom tried to use the word slay.. mom I love you thanks for trying 😭😭😭 never say skibidi ever again 😢😢😢😢 anyway. I think our sense of humor is similar, I'd also laugh at top 10 people hwo can hit the skibidiest griddy, dw

wow. kicks rocks. is that so noticeable? haha. shoves all the drawings I have of mime and fein aside. what! talkingmime? who's that??? feinberg??? who+??? I like emerald because of his personality and yeah he kinda sounds like mapic which was why I was like "ohhh homeboys a little PECULIAR!!" anyway, he is still extremely awesome. you go bro! my favourite colour is green, but in a broader term I'd say ground tones (beige, brown, green), soooooo. idk I just like emerald. idk it's the same reason why I like mime (I don't know why) I am so proud of my nEmerald design. he's so. it's so cool??? and I'm proud of it 😭 I don't have anythin else to say

alright. people in my asks may slaughter me. INTERNET HOT TAKES.. pineapple on pizza is good, I put milk before cereal, I prefer waffles over pancakes despite eating pancakes all my life. I like the saltiness of the pizza and the sweetness of the pineapple, I also eat my chips (CRISPS I DONT GAF) with ketchup sometimes. same as you, waffle irons are expensive, so I've eaten pancakes since I was little. but ohhh if I were rewarded with bacon and waffles if I got an A for math?? YOU KNOW IM GETTING THAT A. anyway, milk before cereal to keep the cereal crunchy for a while before eating it :) no sg anon blending, I respect you ^_^

thanks for listening to me yap, you are always welcome in my tumblr inbox MODS redlime ban feinberg from ranked

have a wonderful mongeyful pyun pyun kira kira night / day ahead, and I'll see you whenever :)

you flatter me with the compliments BTW. I am just an artist

obligatory mime doodle :3c

[cyruslvjys]

drive safe - original song by me

tonight i thought about my day, and

realized i hadn't seen your face

wow, i, guess im finally feelin' it

guess i miss you and thats hard to say

'cause i dont wanna annoy you, 'kay?

but your sister took your phone again

so i couldn't say it anyways

im feeling sad, to say the least

i hope you dont forget about me

and its not like you're moving away

but its still a big change

and i cant see myself with nobody else

so i love you, drive safe, and take care of yourself

you know all i care about is you and your health

dont know where we go from here, dont know whats gonna change

but just know i love you, drive safe

oh, the days are gonna feel so weird

gonna miss you when you're not here

i cant see myself with nobody else

and its not like we're splitting up

and texts and calls are enough

but i still want to cry today

im feeling sad, to say the least

i hope you dont forget about me

and its not like you're moving away

but its still a big change

and i cant see myself with nobody else

so i love you, drive safe, and take care of yourself

you know all i care about is you and your health

dont know where we go from here, dont know whats gonna change

but just know i love you, drive safe

dont know, what to do

just know, i love you

forever and always

dont know what to do

just know i love you

forever and always

i love you, drive safe, and take care of yourself

you know all i care about is you and your health

dont know where we go from here, dont know whats gonna change

but just know i love you, drive safe

[burtlederp]

posting this art separate because it's hidden under a readmore in the original answer and im too damn proud of it to never let it see the light of day

[sillyguyhotline]

17. “How is any of this ok?” with Joe and Sara maybe?

dude im gonna be completely honest i havent written anything in like a month so i think the quality isnt gonna be great but here goes nothing

God, Sara missed the feeling of home.

Every semblance of familiarity and comfort she’d once found in the town she’d grown up in, the house she’d spent her childhood running through, now felt chillingly foreign.

Perhaps it was the heavy burden of knowledge weighing fresh upon her shoulders: ASUNARO’s corruption seemed now to peer slyly around every corner, no matter where she went. She still didn’t know how much of the town had rotted away under its grasp, how much of the town its poison had pervaded… but she was probably better off not knowing.

Whatever was left of Midori, that miserable mix of pulsing blood and electronic emotion, had been ground to bits inside that coffin… but Sara couldn’t ignore the creeping fear that his burning, ever-present gaze would appear out of nowhere and terrorize her again.

But he wouldn’t. The death game was over, and they’d promised they would never hurt her or any of her loved ones again.

Most of the loved ones she still encountered day-to-day, gruesomely blood splattered and sitting like corpses propped up hastily in a corner, would be safe no matter if ASUNARO was fresh on her tail or a thousand miles away. What a cruel price to pay for safety, to never be hurt again.

They still lived on if Sara closed her eyes tight enough, if she listened to the twisting words of the hallucinations and let them convince her she was monstrous. But the second she dared to open her eyes, she knew they’d be dead again. Life worked in terrible ways, and that was all there was to it.

Joe’s house had always been a second home to her, ever since the two of them became friends. Joe was the farthest cry from Sara in terms of social interactions- it had taken at least 3 months for Sara to trust Joe enough to invite him over, but Joe had insisted she hang out at his house the very same day they became friendly enough to exchange more than a sentence with each other.

There was a certain sort of comfort to the warmth of his house, the constant scent of cooking food pervading the air and the little trinkets scattered in every corner. No surface of his house went without decoration, in its silly little way. It was full of pictures, too, some carefully framed and some dangling from the wall by pushpins, but Sara got the sense that none of the photos went unloved. Most of them were occupied by an orange-haired man, often carrying a younger Joe (back when he was still sporting that atrocious crew cut). Sara always assumed it was his dad, but thought it would be impolite to ask… particularly when the weeks stretched on and Sara had yet to meet that mysterious orange-haired man.

Eventually, pictures of Sara began to join the collage on the wall- pictures taken as she butchered yet another pop song during karaoke, or when they went out to get food, or when she mistakenly sat down on a traffic cone during gym (after many protests from Sara, he took that one down). As silly as the pictures were, and as obvious as it was that Joe had waited for the most embarrassing moments to take them, it was sort of sweet in a way.

Joe’s mother was always kind to her, though there was a constant weariness in her eyes that Sara always felt a bit uneasy about questioning. Sometimes she’d let the two of them cook things in the kitchen, but more often than not they’d go up to Joe’s room and screw around in there, with video games or music or the 50 times Joe tried to persuade Sara to climb out the window and sit on the roof with him before she finally agreed.

As rare as it was for Sara to agree to sit on the roof, it was even rarer for Joe to agree to study with her, much to Sara’s chagrin. Joe had always walked a fine line between passing and failing, but Sara had to admit he walked it well. When she did manage to convince him to study, though (usually the day before final exams), they’d sit on the cushy couch in his living room and somehow manage to bother each other as much as possible while feigning concentration.

The couch hadn’t changed after several years- Sara could tell that much the minute she sat down on it and avoided the urge to break eye contact with Joe’s mother. It was still well-worn, a couch that likely should have been replaced at least a decade ago but had never really been disposed of. Loose threads were protruding from the cover, drawn out from years of visitors fidgeting with them.

Sara shifted uncomfortably in her seat, the slight motion making her sink deeper into the couch’s soft cushioning. She’d only spent one minute in the house and was already sweating, whether from the heat of the home or the thousand-yard stare of the woman sitting across from her.

Ryoko was there, too, sitting to Sara’s left and gazing listlessly at the well-trodden carpet beneath her feet. …Ryoko.

Sara cast a hesitant glance around the room, duly noting the photos covering the walls. Not a single one of hers had been taken down, but several more photos had appeared with Joe’s beaming face featuring prominently in them. Joe’s presence was always enough to fill a room even when he wasn’t speaking; it took a lot to fill in the gaps left by his absence.

God, she missed him.

The wind whistled against the window-screen; Sara had memorized the familiar creak of the wooden window frame being lifted up to welcome in the mild autumn air. Sara had always thought of autumn as a beginning- she loved summer as much as any other kid, but as the haze of the weather began to wind down she was quick to grow impatient and look forward to the school year, to being productive again. Joe had always disagreed with her.

“Fall is the literal death of fun,” he’d complained once, walking home with Sara after finishing the first week of school. “Couldn’t they have pushed back the first day of school by, like, another week? You think if we got enough people to sign a petition, they’d give us an extra week of summer?”

“Oh, come on, we both know even if you had an extra week of summer you’d just be complaining a week later,” Sara had teased back.

The death of fun. It certainly felt like that, Sara decided. She’d never feared the looming darkness of fall and winter quite so much before. But now, she supposed, there was no sunshine who’d weather it with her.

“Well… Sara?” Joe’s mother spoke up, voice hoarse with the sound of repressed tears in her throat. Sara recognized the sound all too well.

There was no resentment in the woman’s eyes when Sara made eye contact with her. No anger, no frustration, nor had there been any in her measured motions when she welcomed Sara into the home. It didn’t take any words for Sara to tell that there was no blame to be foisted upon her.

She was still Joe’s best friend.

“I’m sorry to have dragged you out here on such short notice.” The woman’s voice was weak. “I don’t know all the details of what happened, of course. Haven’t heard anything, aside from the little tidbits the police told me when I dropped by the station.”

Sara’s shoulders stiffened at the mention of the police, at the idea of them pleasantly answering her questions as though they weren’t just as complicit in that tragedy as ASUNARO had been.

“And…” the woman glanced down at her hands, toughened from a lifetime of working. “I know something terrible happened to you. The circles under your eyes are darker than midnight, I know it’s so selfish of me to be dragging you out here, but… I haven’t slept a wink for weeks. Been so worried about Joe, and about you too.”

She nodded in the direction of the black-haired girl who hadn’t spoken a word the entire time. “Ryoko’s been worried about the both of you, too. Your parents weren’t answering the door, so she went to me. I hope you’ll forgive the two of us for disturbing you, Sara, but… you have the answers the police won’t give us, don’t you?”

God, her gaze was piercing.

“...Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

It was taking everything in Sara’s power not to look at the vacant seat to her right. If Joe was there, he would have been laughing and lightening the mood, completing the circle that had been left so jarringly empty.

But they wouldn’t have been having this conversation if Joe was there.

Ms. Tazuna nodded slowly. “This means the world to me, Sara. Don’t forget that.”

Sara did her best to muster a smile. “Don’t worry. I won’t.”

The woman gave another nod, eyes defocusing as though even now, she wasn’t quite sure why she was there. “Alright. Alright. Well, then…” She cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Guess I should get right to the point, yeah? Is he… is… how is he…?”

So she still hadn’t quite let go of that little thread of hope, even after seeing Sara return home safe and alive with no best friend in tow. Who was Sara to judge? When hope was the only thing to cling to, it only made sense to cling to it like a lifeline.

Sara twisted her hands, the same old nervous habit she’d had for years, and wondered briefly if she’d picked it up from Ms. Tazuna. How terrible it was, to carry the news that nobody, much less any mother, ever wanted to hear.

“I… I’m sorry, Ms. Tazuna. He didn’t make it out alive.”

Sara hadn’t expected the hush that immediately fell over the room. She’d expected immediate tears, the grieving cry of a mother in pain. Instead, the room became muffled, still as a painting captured in time.

Slowly, Ryoko looked up from her bitten-down fingers, eyes rimmed red already. Ryoko had always been an emotional person, the only person Sara knew who could fluctuate from full-on sobs to cheerful giggles in less than a minute. Sara was so unused to the look that was now filling her eyes- cold, solid misery. As though there were no tears in her eyes left to cry, no more tragedies to bemoan. Just a deep and horrified comprehension of just how many things in her life had gone wrong.

And, slowly, Ms. Tazuna began to cry.

Tears had become so uncomfortable for Sara to bear witness to. Was it selfish of her to look away? It couldn’t be, not when every raw sob reminded her of the art student seeing her first (and certainly not last) death, of the broken sibling openly weeping over apologies gone unspoken, of the unknowing siblings screaming their throats out with pleas for death so the other could survive.

Especially not now. Not when every tear rang in her mind as a reminder of cold tubes piercing her best friend’s chest, of his corpse slumping and falling in a pool of blood, because oh god he wasn’t supposed to have lost so much blood, how was he supposed to live without it, of the clickclickclickclickclicking rising in volume while her attempts to save him grew feebler and feebler.

Her hands were bloodstained, no matter how many times she tried to scrub them clean. Those dreadful hands of hers had failed her, failed Joe, failed the women sobbing openly in front of her.

She swallowed back the apologies that always rose in her throat as Ms. Tazuna rushed to sniffle back her tears.

“I… god, I… he’s really gone?”

Sara couldn’t bear to look her in the eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“Please… please tell me it was a peaceful death. He didn’t… suffer too much, did he?”

The resounding wave of clicks flooded her mind. “It was as peaceful as I could make it. I… he smiled at me, right before he died. I’d… very much like to think that means he was happy when he died.”

“What happened?” Ryoko’s voice came out rough, the first of it Sara had heard in weeks. “Joe told me, after our date, that he was going to walk you home, and then neither of you showed up at school the next day. And now… it’s been three weeks? And Joe… Joe’s dead? What the hell happened, Sara?”

“God,” Sara mumbled, mesmerizing herself with the twisting motions of her own hands. “I’m not sure if you’d even believe me if I told you. I don’t even know if I believe what happened myself.”

“I’d believe anything.” The sentence was firm. “I just want to know what happened.”

Sara nodded wearily. The familiar weight of her bright orange ponytail was notably missing- the day after she’d escaped, she’d demanded the hairdresser cut her hair short and crisp. She shuddered every time she thought about the ponytail brushing against her neck as she spent each argument screaming and protesting for her life. Even worse was the memory of how carefully Joe had styled her hair, forsaking his usual clumsiness to braid every strand with a remarkable tenderness. She didn’t want to remember any of it- even though, as the locks went cascading to the floor, she was reminded starkly of Keiji’s bleach-stained trauma response.

“For some reason, something to do with the mafia, we were kidnapped. And pulled into a death game. There were twenty of us, including me and Joe. I- I’m not going to get into all the specifics. It’s going to make me sick to my stomach if I do. But… they made us play this sadistic fucking game to narrow down the competition. Based on cards. Joe drew a bad card, and… they executed him.” Something in Sara’s throat tightened as she finished speaking, and she fell silent.

“Just like that?” His mother’s voice came out as a hoarse whisper. “How… how’d they kill him?”

“I’d rather not say.” There came the gushing sound of blood pulsing through the tubes. “He didn’t suffer too long” - she hoped - “but it was a gruesome way to die. I don’t want to think about it, please understand.”

It took a moment for his mother to register the words and nod, face still painted with horror.

“Why… how did the two of you even end up there in the first place?” Ryoko spoke up again. “You said something about the mafia? How the hell are you two connected with the mafia?”

“I don’t know how I am,” Sara responded immediately. “It must be something with my family. I couldn’t control any of this, I swear, but… Joe wasn’t meant to end up there at all.”

Ryoko paused. “He… he wasn’t meant to end up there?”

Sara swallowed back the lump in her throat. “The game… it was something that was being prepared for ages. There weren’t just a few ragtag kidnappers behind it, there was an entire organization. Even the police were involved. They ran AI tests, hundreds if not thousands of them, trying to calculate who’d be the most likely to win. And… when all the numbers came back, the person most likely to win… was me.”

She spread her arms wide, baring her sins and her cruelties to the world, and in that moment felt distinctly like the angel of death Keiji had branded her to be.

“They needed something to drag me down, I guess. Make the odds more balanced. So they dragged Joe into this fucking mess. I guess they thought that him being there would keep me steady enough to make everything fair.” A cold hand, dripping with tendrils of phantom blood, caressed her chin with a lethal grip. “...They were right.”

Ryoko’s gaze had gone cold again. “So Joe died just because you cared about him? What the fuck kind of death sentence is that?”

Sara shook her head numbly.

“Why did it have to be him?” The heartbreak in Ryoko’s voice was clearer than day. “So many people love you, Sara, why did it have to be him? Hell, I’m your best friend too, aren’t I? Why couldn’t it have been me? I’m a much worse person than Joe ever was, I deserved to be in his place way more. Couldn’t they have killed me instead?”

Sara winced at the growing desperation in her best friend’s voice, the raw crack she knew all too well. It should have been me, it should have been me, it should have been me. Sara could have almost fooled herself into seeing a crisp aquamarine when Ryoko’s hair flashed into the light.

“Ryoko… it could have been.”

The girl fell silent.

“They had files on you too. They knew how close we were, they knew how much you meant to me… but Joe was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And they fucking killed him for it.”

Oh, how she wished she could go back to that balmy early-autumn night, see the smile on Joe’s face and listen to his lighthearted laughter again. The desire to keep one’s friend safe had become a crime deserving of a death sentence.

Ryoko’s eyes remained locked to Sara’s, devoid of any dullness. In the look they exchanged was a deep, sinking understanding, one that had nauseated Sara to the core the first time the realization struck her.

It was by no crafty strategy that Joe had died instead of Ryoko, no favoritism biased against the kindest person either of them would ever know. It was a simple, terrible twist of fate. Ryoko could have taken his place had she done something as inconsequential as offering to walk Sara home instead.

But she hadn’t.

It took everything in Sara’s power to avoid wondering what would’ve changed if she had.

“How is any of this okay?” Ryoko broke the silence weakly. “They killed him- they could have killed me, too. He was seventeen. Seventeen. How did anybody let this happen? How did this happen, Sara?”

“I- I don’t know.” Ryoko’s wrath was simmering; even though Sara knew truly that she wasn’t the subject of the anger, she still felt scalded. “I miss him so much, Ryoko. I watched him die, and nothing in my power let me save him. I miss him, Ryoko, I miss him every waking minute of every day. We were supposed to escape together and get out safe and pretend this never happened, but…” the tears were beginning to well up again. She couldn’t bear the thought of breaking down in front of anyone, especially not over him.

“I’m going to go make some coffee,” his mother interrupted suddenly. She’d been noticeably quiet, but the still-fresh streaks of tears painted down her cheeks told the story she didn’t need to vocalize. “Some coffee, and some snacks. And we’ll keep talking from there, alright? Do you guys have your phones?”

The two girls nodded uneasily.

“Please… find any pictures you have of him. I want to make this wall as bright as possible.”

Without any other words, she hurried out of the room, and it fell to silence once more. Outside the window, the cool autumn breeze began to stir the leaves in the air, gusting forward to brush against Sara’s cheek just as the hallucination had done mere minutes ago.

And the Tazuna household began to feel more like home again.

[jenkyblep]

You ever wake up in the morning and go

"OK the world has some shitty things but I've brooded long enough, life goes on and today's a new day!"

And for like 5 minutes you actually feel ok....

And then you find a new list of the Supreme Court twerking on the graves of your rights...........

Yeah the past like week has just been the start of a waterslide to an authoritarian oligarchy and I'm rapidly flip flopping in between internalized wrath and listless helplessness

The climate crisis and pollution have become more noticeable where I live too

Gas prices are out of control

Idk. I feel like the world's ending around me but no one cares.

No one offline even seems to acknowledge it.

Literally why can't we have nice things.

How hard is it to give a single fuck about someone else. There's no way I'm just insanely empathetic- how can I be when I'm so fucking desensitized to death that I dont care. I'm not even sad I'm just angry.

I'm so fucking angry but there ain't shit I can do.

Protests and petitions are ignored.

Voting is more about choosing "lesser evils" than anything productive (I'm still gonna vote obvs but that don't mean it *feels* good)

And any kind of violence is morally reprehensible.

But I'm so tired of everyone being expected to play nice while our rights and freedoms are stripped away.

I'm tired of arguing and trying to understand the perspective of hatered and not even being met in the middle.

I am 20. In so many ways I'm still a kid. I don't see myself making it to 30. I don't see the United States making a comeback from this. This is not ok. Nothing is ok right now.

I have to keep my eyes down for the sake of my sanity but does that not make me just another bystander? Is that not morally wrong? Selfishly narrowing my vision to ignore the wrongs around me to keep putting one foot in front of the other, lest I take a step back to see the disaster around me?

Why does the government demand control of people's lives in the name of freedom?

Why do grown adults take such fun in complaining about children's content?

What is sexual about growing up? About being yourself? About loving who you are?

How is regulating private matters freedom?

How is Christianity flavored legislation freedom?

Why are businesses more free than people?

I don't understand. I really don’t understand anything right now. None of this is logical- from sense or from heart.

I ain't religious but I imagine God would be ashamed. I imagine they'd be angry to have their name abused in such ways.

Maybe I'm overly sensitive, overly dramatic, overly paranoid.

But it's all just so much.

I just want to exist.

I want to exist, to stay in my own lane, to mind my business and get by on a simple life. But to live in a society means to bear the burden of moral responsibility for those who need help.

I don't know.

I just want to get my words out.

I'll probably feel silly in the morning.

I always feel better in the morning.

Even if it's only for 5 minutes...