#i guess i am watching jevin and cleo again | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

votederpycausemufins · 4 years ago

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I said I had another chapter ready. so It's time to post that.

tagging @helleborusangel because they like my writing and @hermitcraftheadcanons since they and their community made the au.

now... with that out of the way, let's recap evo... wait shoot i mean hermitcraft.

“Pixlriffs! Turn on the tv!” Came a voice that followed a door being slammed open.

Pixlriffs turned around in confusion to see Zloy having barged in, panting with his goggles askew. “Zloy? What’s going on?”

“Just turn on the recap channel! Hurry!”

Even more confused, Pixl slowly turned to his tv and turned it on, switching to the channel that showed their recap show. “I thought you didn’t like watching our own shows. It’s not even a regular recap, it’s just going to be a clip show from the livestream. Why are you so-” But he cut himself off. Showing on screen was a countdown to the season eight day one recap. “What? But it hasn’t started. We haven’t recorded anything.”

“I know! I was with a friend and they turned it on and said they didn’t think it had started yet. When I saw the countdown, I ran all the way over here.”

“Do you think they just had a scheduling mistake? We might need to call the broadcasters and have them fix things up.” Pixl suggested, and Zloy shrugged.

“Let’s just make sure that’s the case and see which episode they’re actually showing. For all we know they mixed things up and this is just the season seven, day one.”

“I hope that’s the case.”

The two recapers watched the timer go down. Elsewhere, people were also turned into the episode. Some were pleasantly surprised by the supposed new episode. Others were confused thinking the schedule was wrong. Those who knew the hermits were confused, not having heard the new season was starting yet.

Then finally, the timer reached zero, and a familiar jingle started. And then a voice that was definitely not Pixlriffs spoke the phrase “This week, on Hermitcraft.”

“Wait, what am I doing in the nether? I just joined the world.”

Zloy and Pixl looked at each other at something they had never heard Keralis say. This was a new episode, but one they hadn’t made.

“A new adventure starts in season eight, new places and mobs to explore and see. And also Grumbot and Jrumbot are Hermits now. Welcome to the Hermitcraft recap! The show where no one is where they should be. My name is Toon Noah.”

“I’m Mysterious Goofball, and our writer is Pin Valentine. Today, we’re looking at everyone’s first day on the new season of Hermitcraft.”

The first person, Noah, spoke up again. “In this season, the hermits managed to update all the way to the second half of the caves and cliffs update even though that isn’t possible.” He explained what was going on in this season. “Everyone is scattered across the map and even in other dimensions. Monsters are tough, regen is off, and using chat is out of the question, so surviving is going to be tough.”

“At the very least, they can still respawn, so certain people have chances to escape. Escape what that is? Well, let’s look at what the Hermits have been up to.” Goofball said, sounding so nonchalant about what they were about to talk about.

“Starting with Xisuma, who’s started out in the deep dark. The admin’s helmet has been disabled other than necessary functions. His visor also gives him a little bit of light, so he’s not completely blind. Plus the fact that sculks are bioluminescent. But the warden is too, which has been able to find him a number of times.”

“Also in the caves in Jevin,-” Goofball spoke up again. “-who’s found himself in some lush caves. He’s got glowberries for light and food and the axolotls are pretty friendly. Plus, with enough searching, he was able to find a bit of wood for simple tools.”

“Speaking of wood. Some of the hermits have found themselves in the jungle.” Noah quickly commented before some audio from one of the hermits played along with its clip.

“Helloooo? Anyone around? Impulse? Tango? Hey is that Grian? Nope, just a parrot. Ugh, and here I am without any seeds.”

Goofball spoke up again when the audio finished. “Both Zedaph and Tango are in the same jungle, but the size of the biome as well as the amount of foliage means they haven’t found each other yet. Tango at the very least has started mining, and Zedaph managed to find a jungle temple and has already started on using the redstone from there for a melon farm.”

“How do you even make a farm out of that?”

“It’s Zedaph, what do you expect?”

“Well, as for the last of team ZIT, Impulse had found himself in the middle of a sea temple.” Noah spoke, as the video showed Impulse dealing with being underwater in such a place. “Between drowning and guardians, he hasn’t gotten that far away from his spawn.”

“In other aquatic news-” Goofball said, another clip from the hermits playing.

“If I never see coral again, it’ll be too- wait, is that False? False!”

“-Stress and False are also nearby to each other, both spawning in coral reefs. False was the first to escape, needing to just swim out of her spawn.”

“On the other hand, Stress was completely encased in coral and had to slowly chip herself out of the colorful prison. But by the evening, Stress was able to get to the surface and join False and an island, chopping down trees. They even started a wheat farm. But here’s hoping they don’t have to deal with drowned.”

“While she isn’t a drowned,” Goofball continued from Noah’s comment. “Zombie Cleo started out in a village. Normally, that would be pretty good, but being a zombie…”

“Leave me alone! I’m not going ta kill any villagers! I’m a zombie but I’m not that kind of zombie!”

“She’s been having an issue with the resident iron golem. With a bit of luck, she managed to hole herself up in a house which the golem isn’t going to destroy, but the villagers aren’t the happiest about it.”

Then Noah took over speaking. “From villagers to illagers, Mumbo Jumbo found himself alone in a woodland mansion, making himself the furthest hermit in the overworld.”

“Come on. Almost. Almost!” The video showed Mumbo running before he was killed by a vindicator. “Oh come on!”

After that, Noah continued. “He’s tried and failed many times to try and get out of the mansion, but eventually just started breaking the walls for tools.”

“The illagers aren’t really happy about it, but not like he’ll be going far, so I don’t think he’ll easily lose those tools.”

“Well at least he’s got supplies.” The video transitioned to a mountain top with three figures standing at the peak. “Grian, as well as new hermits Grum and Jrum are currently stuck on the top of a mountain, surrounded by powder snow. It’s pretty lucky that the three of them stuck together.”

“I’m not so sure of that.” Goofball spoke up, sounding a bit frustrated or annoyed. “While Grian tried to fly down for supplies to little success, other than fall damage, he hasn’t managed to die, using some sort of magic.”

“But it looks like the fall damage came in handy for Doc, who’s further down the mountain. He’s having a bit of trouble surrounded by goats, plenty of them being the screaming variety.”

Goofball spoke again, no longer sounding as annoyed. “Yeah, but while hanging out with them, he heard a different kind of scream and did something pretty smart.”

“Wait, what was- is someone close by? It sounded like someone just- wait! The death messages!” He pulled out his communicator and read the messages. “Grian died to fall damage! Grian’s up there!”

“I guess he is the scientist of the group.” Noah spoke, the grin he had on his face audible in his voice. “It makes sense he would be the one to figure things out. But even then, he still can’t easily get down the mountain himself with all the goats messing him up. My guess is he’s really regretting being the goat father last season.”

“Doc isn’t the only one getting familiar with the new wildlife though. Hypno has found himself in a large flower forest that has plenty of mooblooms. He hasn’t been able to kill any of them yet, and there’s only flowers and no grass for him to get seeds from, so while the place seems like it should be easy to survive in, it’s really the opposite.”

“The best idea he’s had so far is following some bees to find their nest and hopefully a tree attached to it. If only he knew he was actually really close to spawn, being the closest to it.”

Goofball took control of the conversation again “Well, that’s not entirely true as three hermits managed to appear at spawn, those three being Joe Hills, VintageBeef, and Etho.” And the three hermits were shown in what looked much more normal than everything else that had been shown so far. “The three of them pretty quickly figured out something was wrong and started to make spawn a safe place, also gathering supplies so they can eventually find the other hermits.”

“Except Etho got a bit ahead of himself.” Noah cut in. “He had a bad run in with some mobs and ended up dying, finding out his respawn is a bit different than others. But at the very least, he managed to find Ren.”

“Ren spawned on a cliff of a ravine. There’s no water at the bottom, and all the blocks in reach are stone, so it’s not the easiest to escape from. Still, with little else to do, Ren started slowly chipping away at the stone to escape the ravine, only to fall when Etho surprised him by suddenly respawning there.”

“Okay, I got through two more pieces of stone. At this rate, I can probably get to dirt before the sun is setting so- Etho- ooooooh!”

“At the very least Ren is respawning just fine,” Noah explained “So the two of them were able to help Ren escape the ravine, so he’s the third person to escape his spawn area.”

“Well, that’s not entirely true.” Goofball started to correct. “Before Etho helped Ren and even before Stress escaped her coral prison, Cub actually escaped the mesa mineshaft he spawned in. It was a little tricky with the cave spiders spawning, but he lucked out with the loot of a chest and was able to get a crafting table and pickaxe out of it.” Cub had found some iron, torches, a few seeds, some bread, and then used the wood of the mineshaft to get him on his feet in terms of survival. “With a few respawns, he took out the spiders and their spawner. He’s able to move around freely, but not wanting to respawn again, his hearts are a bit low, so he’s staying near the mineshaft for shelter.”

“Then, sort of nearby the mesa of course, is the desert, where the last two overworld hermits are.” Noah said, and there was the slightest ruffle of papers, like he was checking a script. “Both XB and Iskall are stuck in the same large desert, trying to find some source of food, water and wood. So far, the best they’ve found are the sticks from dead bushes. Out of the two, XB is doing a bit better since he’s found a cave for some sort of shelter, but Iskall’s much worse off,the sand messing with his one eye.”

“Between the heat, the sand, and my eye, I can’t even tell what’s real anymore. That cactus could be a tree or a town or- nope! It’s actually a creeper!”

And then Noah continued with a transition. “Getting even hotter now, let’s look at the nether. There’s only two hermits there right now, with different struggles to deal with.”

“Keralis is the first and lucked out a bit, landing himself in a warped forest right near a basalt delta, meaning he’s got up to stone tools. Plus, since nether gold ore can be mined with wood tools or better, he’s also got some gold boots to help with any piglins.”

“On the other hand, Welsknight is in a much worse situation. He spawned in a crimson forest and is having plenty of trouble with the hoglins.” And that was emphasized by a clip of Wels being killed by one of the mobs. “He hasn’t gotten too much wood before dying, but at the very least, he secured his spawn just enough he has some room to breathe. And hey, if he makes it out of there, he’s got a fortress nearby. But now to end this off, let’s head to the end.”

“TinfoilChef, or TFC is on the main end island, spawning on an obsidian platform just a few blocks from the edge of the island.” Goofball spoke. “It’s close enough for him to jump, but he still takes fall damage and has to deal with the ender dragon after that.”

“Not to mention the endermen too, which Scar is also having trouble with. He’s stuck on a smallish end island out in the further reaches of the end. There’s an end city nearby, but he doesn’t really have the means to get there. At the very least he’s got food from the chorus plants, but that won’t help too terribly much.”

“And lastly, there’s BdoubleO, who we’ve- who’s been lucky to not die so far being in a special situation.” Though they hadn’t been saying much, both Pixlriffs and Zloy noticed the slight slip up Goofball gave. “He’s currently looping in the end void, teleporting up to the top when he finally gets too low. There’s nothing in sight for him to know that though, so he thinks he’s just falling deeper and deeper. But hopefully he’ll figure it out eventually.”

“Well, that’s everyone, so that pretty much does it for this episode of Ev- Hermitcraft Recap. I was Toon Noah-”

“And I was Mysterious Goofball and our writer was Pin Valentine. If you’d like to see original content made by us, you can find us if you already know where to look.”

“Don’t forget to give this show a good rating and tune in next week for the next episode of Hermitcraft Recap. Thank you all so much for watching and good-Bye~!”

Finally, the screen turned black, signalling the end of the episode. The whole time, Pixl and Zloy had just sat there in shock, watching the episode and not saying anything. The thought of their show being taken over by some new people was scary enough, but the situations the Hermits were now in was so much worse.

Zloy was the first to move, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He had felt it going off during the episode, but had been too stunned to do anything. Apparently, he had missed multiple calls and texts about what had happened with the episode, who had been put in charge, what was with the hermits, and more related to the whole situation.

“We need to see someone about this.” Pixlriffs said, in a similar situation with looking at his phone. “Make sure people know we have no connection to this and hopefully also see if the studio knows who recorded this. I would also like to say that this is all fake, but…”

“Yeah, that footage looked way too real. I think the Hermits are actually in a lot of trouble right now.”

“Then let’s do something about it.”

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scp-10000 · 4 years ago

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Coal Fighting Hermits

(Keep in mind this is all just personas. Myself and The Hermits aren’t fighting in real life. Also, my minesona’s a half dragon, half eldritch horror who solves most of her problems by bitting, scratching, and slapping them with her bone tail.) I’m joining this quick trend started by @shadeswift99. Let’s go. Time for a bored and combative lizard to fight some Hermits.

Bdubs: Yeah he’s a feral man like two seconds from snapping, and he has 3 knives and a machete under his shirt. I’ve made worse decisions. 10/10 Would fight. 5/10 I’m sure it’d be even enough for it to be fun.

Cubfan: You see, I wouldn’t be able to fight him. I’d lunge at him, and using his Vex Magic, he’d rob me, and teleport far away before I even lay a claw on him; doesn’t even matter if I only have 5 cool bones and 50 shiny rocks, bastard’d steal’um to spite me and bail. 10/10 Would fight to get all my stuff back. 1/10 I’m not getting my stuff back.

DocM: Draconic Eldritch Abomination vs Buff Creeper Cyborg Man with a Rocket Launcher Arm. That sounds like a dumb action movie, and I live for it. I’d only fight Doc if someone was recording it, cause even if I lose, it’d be entertaining as all hell. 10/10 Would fight. 1/10 I sure as hell ain’t winning, lets be real.

Etho: Cryptid who likes dropping anvils. Sounds like a fun fight. 8/10 Would fight if bored. 2/10 Probably would only win if Etho got bored mid fight and just left.

False: The Queen of Hearts, Heads, and Body Parts. I’d definitely fight her if I wanna die, but knowing my luck, the univers’ll have her spare me as punishment for all my sins. 10/10 Would totally die. 6/10 I’d be disappointed if I live.

Grian: Now, half the fandom’s like “gRiAn HaS sHoRt FeRaL eNeRgY,” which I’ll admit he probably does; problem is I’m 5′7, so that ain’t gonna help him. Now Grian is also a good ambusher, which probably would help him because I’m shite at finding targets I’ve lost track of. If I lose track of Grian in this fight, he’d totally be able to ambush me. 6/10 It’s not one I really think’d be fun. 4/10 Eh.

Hypno: No, I will not fight the vibing man. 1/10 Not unless I need this for the main quest or something. 5/10 I’m guessing it’d probably be even.

Impusle: No, I’m not going after the vibing totem man either. 1/10 Dude probably has a hotbar full of totems. 6/10 Again, totems.

Iskall: For some odd reason, I get the feeling if I attack Iskall, it’d eventually turn into him seeing how bad a fighter I truly am, and he’ll end up trying to teach me. 10/10 I’m not passing up an opportunity to be taught. 4/10 Even at my best, I’d still have a lot to learn.

Jevin: Bitting, scratching and tail slapping’d probably split him into an army of smaller, angry Jevins, and I’m not dealing with that. 1/10 No. 1/10 No.

Joe: I wouldn’t fight this man, but I would bring him to Cleo in case she wanted to take his knee caps. 10/10 What if Cleo needs his kneecaps? 10/10 I’mm’a get Cleo those kneecaps.

Keralis: My claws are too curved to just poke him in the eyes. Besides, it’d probably be more fun to watch him struggle and squirm like he did when Etho tried to kill him. 8/10 Would fight. 5/10 Losing would probably be me getting bored and leaving Papa K alone.

Mumbo: Unlike half the fandom, I don’t see Mumbo as a lanky boy. He also does Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and I don’t, so that’s gonna be a fight. Granted, Mumbo’s a giant, non-confrontational dork, so that makes my choice harder. 5/10 Would I even fight him? 5/10 I’d probably stand a chance.

Rendog: Yeah, my brain doesn’t short circuit when I run into horny. At best it’s acknowledged when I’m not set on murder. 7/10 I might ask him to square up if I’m bored. 5/10 Might be an even fight.

Scar: Same situation as Cub, but not at the same time? Let me explain. There’s a chance he’ll cast the same spell as Cub, but there’s also a chance he’ll forget to, and I can get a swipe on him before...well have yall seen that video where a dog attacks a kid on a bike, and then the cat comes out to mess up the dog? Imagine I’m the dog, Scar’s the kid, and Jellie’s the cat, and you’ll know how well that fight’ll go. 0/10 No. 0/10 No.

Stress: This girl can carry massive pumpkins halfway across the server on one strength potion. I’d fight her just to see how far she can yeet me. 10/10 For the yeet. 4/10 If she doesn’t yeet me, it might not go well.

Tango: This man builds massive minigames, and wrangles ravagers. I more feel like I’d get trapped in a moving maze to fight ravagers for like half an hour before he gets bored watching me struggle. 9/10 It’d be a fun way to spend an afternoon. 4/10 Doesn’t mean I’m good at fighting ravagers without full iron armor.

TFC: I respect the man of the earth too much to fight him. 1/10 No. 1/10 No.

Vintage Beef: The blood on his apron does not override his vibing man vibe. 1/10 No. 5/10 If I must, I feel like I’d have a fair shot.

Wels: He’d probaby come up with some sick diss track lyrics on the fly... and then have to teach me how to rap battle after I say “I don’t get it.” 1/10 I don’t think this’d even qualify as a fight. 3/10 I feel like my poetry skills are lacking.

xB: Another vibe man. No, I shall not fight him. 1/10 No. 5/10 I probably could do decent if I had to.

Xisuma: I’d attack him thinking since he’s a bee, one sting and he’s done, only for him to use his formal Doom Guy Training:tm: to body slam me so hard I’m banned from the server. 10/10 For the meme. 1/10 I’m not avoiding that body slam.

Zedaph: You all are thinking “Funny contraption man can’t fight,” when from what I remember of @lyraeon and I talking about the subject once is in PvP, Zed’ll run at you swinging and screaming. To me, this is a more fair assessment of Zed’s abilities, and is what I’m going off of when thinking about if I’d fight him. Thought, I probably won’t attack if he’s working on something. 5/10 Right now, he’s the only vibing man I might actually consider fighting? 5/10 Might be an even fight.

Zombie Cleo: She won’t fight me. Instead she’ll convince me to let her set up an army of living armor stands to fight. I would not attack her cause she’d give me more stuff to fight when I’m bored and combative. 1/10 No, I’m not fighting my supplyer. 1/10 If she decided to sick an army of armor stands on me, I’d probably lose.

#hermitcraft

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thenightau · 5 years ago

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Chapter 35- Good Times for Help

AO3:https://archiveofourown.org/works/23525842/chapters/56422468

TW: Swearing, Yelling, Slapstick humor, Dad jokes.

Iskall looked down at himself, clad in iridescent diamond armor. He looked at Doc, False, and Cleo, all armored up and ready for a fight. The tension between them was thick enough to cut with a knife.

“Ready yourselves. I see them.” Doc said, his voice a low snarl. For a moment, Iskall swore his robotic eye was narrowed in a glare. The grip on Iskall’s sword got tighter, and he felt his feet dig into the ground. His years of training being so natural it was like breathing.

Tango was the first to land. His hands were up and none of them were wearing armor. A show of good faith. “Woah woah there! We don’t want a fight!” He said, a nervous smile growing on his lips.

“You kidnapped Scar, what else did you expect?” Doc growled. Cub, Ren, and Impulse were the next to land, none of them carrying weapons. Impulse was just nervously playing with his shovels.

“Okay. Fair enough.” Cub sighed, having heard Doc’s growl. He scratched at his beard, and thats when Doc realized something.

“Your nervous. All of you.” He said bluntly. And the group deflated.

“What happened?” Cleo asked quickly, her orange hair tied up in a ponytail. “Night didn’t get Scar did he?” She asked again, before anyone could respond. The group of traitors looked to one another.

“It’s only fair if Ren explains.” Tango said with a bit of a glare himself. Ren pouted a fraction, a low growl leaving him.

“It’s not my fault.” He said.

“And we know that.” Impulse said. “But… It still happened.”

“What happened?” Doc asked, walking closer. He grabbed Ren by his collar, pulling the werewolf to his height. “You better tell me now, or pray to the void that respawn is fixed.” His voice was a low growl, and it sent shivers up Iskall’s back. Ren’s hands shot up, and he laughed nervously. Tango and Impulse stepping forward to separate the two.

“Well… You see…” Ren started, laughing still as he was dropped onto the floor. He looked up at the creeper hybrid. “We kinda… Lost him.”

“wHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ‘LOST’ HIM?!” Doc yelled, and the group flinched.

“You see…” Cub walked over, getting in between Doc and Ren. “With last night being the full moon, of which we… were neglectful to realize. And Ren kinda… Killed him.” Cub smiled, his hands raised.

“So what your saying is.” Cleo sighed, stepping foreward and placing a hand on Doc’s shoulders. The hybrid turned and backed off, steam practically leaving his skin. “Ren killed Scar. And respawn is fixed?”

“That’s what it seems to be.” Cub said. Iskall scratched at his beard.

“Did you check spawn?” He asked.

“Yes. Impulse and Tango checked spawn while Ren and I checked his shops.” Cub said.

“His base?” False suggested.

“Checked there too.”

“The diamond mines?” Iskall asked. He got a confused look back.

“The what?”

“Scar’s mineshaft.”

“Oh… no we didn’t.” Cub sighed. Iskall nodded. “I’ll check there myself-”

“Oh no you don’t.” Doc said, walking right back up to them and shoving Iskall out of the way, grabbing Cub’s wrist. “You are not going anywhere until you agree that Scar will be free. It’s not his fault he has magic.” Doc growled.

“We don’t know if he’s working with Night, Doc. I explained thi-”

“What would Xisuma say?” Doc said suddenly. And that shut Cub right up. “He would be as pissed at you as I am. Because you’re what? Discriminating against him for shit he can’t control?” Doc growled. Cub deflated.

“... Fine. On one condition.” Cub said, “We keep him away from his own base, and hidden somewhere. I don’t want Night finding him and using him.”

“Deal.”

____

Scar was sitting on a black bed, The stone house around him built to be in ruins. It was clearly Cleo’s work, the armor stand work made him sure of that. He wasn’t sure what this was, but he bet it was a fun thing that had happened. A part of him was upset he hadn’t been invited to make some apocalyptic builds, another part wondering if Xb could predict the future. Because to him, it sure seemed like it. Xb was sitting beside him, an arm wrapped around his shoulders as the other was trying to talk to him. He couldn’t hear what the other was saying right now. Everything was muffled. He knew TFC was talking to Jevin and Hypno, and he knew here he was save from Ren and Cub. But he was still in pain.

Some sort of deep seated pain that clung onto a man and only squeezed a bit tighter every time the thought of pain was brought up. The pain started in his heart, and spread out to every limb on his body, a numbing feeling all the way to his fingertips. The pain was mixed with another feeling. A swelling of magic. He refused to let his magic be released though, especially not around other hermits. He almost hurt Grian the last time! He couldn’t let that happen again.

“Scar? Scar!” Jevin was in front of him now, his face one of gentle concern. “You with us?” He asked, and Scar nodded with a weak smile.

“Yea. I’m here.” He said faintly. His voice was weak. He looked around. “Wait… Where’s Tfc?” He asked, an immediate surge of panic flooding through him.

“Don’t worry about him. I think he’s off to yell at the other hermits. He’s our dad after all.” Jevin tried to joke lightly. Scar didn’t laugh.

“You let him go?! By himself?! What about Night-? What about the civil war I-”

“The other hermits won’t hurt him.” Jevin said calmly, his voice cutting through the layers of Scar’s panic. “Night won't get him.”

“H...How are you so sure?” Scar asked softly. Xb responded next.

“I mean. We’re the only one’s Night hasn’t attacked.” He said. Scar immediately bent to the side and knocked on the wooden floor. Xb chuckled at him. “Yet.” He said, to ease Scar’s superstitious mind. Scar nodded, and slowly sat up straight. “I don’t think he has much of a reason too. TFC especially. I mean, the man’s 50.” Xb smiled gently, and Scar nodded.

“Yea… Guess you’re right. Sometimes I forget.”

_____

Tfc sighed as he walked through the nether for the third time today. He hated this place, He prefered the overworld, but he also understood the world was changing. The nether was the fastest place to travel. And he needed to find a few people. Cub and Doc specifically. He stepped through Cub’s portal first, hoping to find the quote un quote ‘pharaoh’ in his pyramid. He walked into a cave, sighing and just carefully walking across the packed ice.

He really couldn’t afford a broken hip right now.

He climbed up and into Cub’s pyramid, and saw no one there. He groaned loudly, wondering where the hell those two were. He walked over to the ender chest, and threw it open. He watched as his own stuff magically appeared before him. He pulled his communicator onto his wrist, and pulled on his elytra. He hardly used the thing, but thankfully Grian had been teaching him how to use it before everything went down. He rummaged through Cub’s things, promising to put back anything he misplaced as he grabbed a stack and a half of fireworks. He left an IOU in their place.

Tinfoilcheif: Hermit meeting. Now.

His words were simple and to the point. But he knew the other hermits would take him seriously.

Tinfoilcheif: Meet at Grian’s mansion in 20. No exceptions.

Docm77: got it.

Cubfan182: Understood.

Tfc nodded, walking out of Cub’s pyramid and walking up to the top of it, grumbling the entire way up. He couldn’t believe the hermits were being so stupid. He got to the top of the pyramid, taking a rocket and sighing. “Grian I swear to god if this doesn’t work. I will personally give you permadeath.” He grumbled, taking a running jump off the building and firing the rocket.

Air flew past him quickly, and his eyes shot open. He. He was flying! Tfc laughed a bit, firing off a few more rockets and flying into the air. He started to head towards Grian’s mansion, twisting his body in the air and gripping onto the edges of the elytra. He understood why the other hermits used these now! It was actually rather enjoyable!

___

It didn’t take long for the hermits to assemble. Scar was holding onto Xb, terrified that Cub and Ren were gonna drag him back into that cage again. As soon as the others arrived and saw Scar, they deflated. They knew how much trouble they were in. Tfc stood in front of them, all of them gathered outside of Grian’s ‘basement’ area of his mansion. His arms were crossed, and he glared at the other hermits.

“Ya know. I used to think you were all really understanding, reliable people. But as soon as your admin vanishes you go straight into chaos?! You kidnap a fellow hermit AFTER HE WAS ATTACKED and almost killed?! Xisuma would be ashamed of all of you! Going into Civil war?! What the Nether is wrong with you people?!” Tfc yelled, and even Doc shrunk under the old man’s anger. “Scar was and still is hurting. Iskall is hurting and don’t you DARE lie to me and say you’re not, boy!” He scolded, pointing directly at the green clad man. “Listen! We have a HUGE threat in this world! A huge threat to OTHER worlds! And you guys are just fighting like children amongst yourselves! Grian, Mumbo, Wels, Stress, Suma, and Bdubs. You all claim to not know why he’s going after people when there's an OBVIOUS connection between them!” Tfc started to pace back and forth, unable to stay still with his anger.

“Mumbo is a redstone genius, Grian is an amazing builder, Wels is loyal to a fault, Stress is a damn princess, Suma is an admin and Bdubs is also an amazing builder! Stress is the only one whom I don’t see benefitting Night! But I don’t know the young lady well. You should be protecting each other! Not at each other's throats! Cub is right. Scar could be next. You should be protecting him. Not locking him away to be some cHEW TOY.” He roared. “Am i clear?” He asked, his eyes still narrowed as he looked at the hermits. They were all hunched over, looking like scolded children. “AM I CLEAR!?”

“YES SIR!” The hermits responded with tenseness.

“Good. Now, I am going to do what I do best, while you all make up with each other, and come up with a battle plan. Scar. Can I use your diamond mine?” Tfc asked. Scar looked up, his face brightening a little.

“d...Diamond mine challenge?” he offered weakly. Tfc smiled kindly.

“If you think you can beat me.”

___

The rules had been set by Scar. One hour, in a straight line. Whoever came back with the most diamonds won. Each person had an ender chest and their tools, as well as their own intuition. Doc at first demanded that they take someone else with them, but Tfc managed to get out of being followed by a hermit awkwardly for an hour. Scar ended up going on his mining trip with False while the other hermits sat at the mine's entrance, coming up with battle plans.

Tfc wasn’t necessarily human. Well… he was, just, not fully. He was half dwarf. So not only was he shorter than most of the hermits- Stress and Scar were only exceptions- He naturally was able to mine faster without beacons, and it was much easier for him to find diamonds. Sweat was on his brow, the underground tunnel hot and cramped. But something about the situation was… calming for him. He was alone here, with only his thoughts, his pickaxe, and the sweet sweet smell of diamonds.

He broke through the last diamond of a cluster when his communicator’s timer went off. And he looked down at it with a chuckle. Scar had absolutely no chance against him. When he looked up again, he saw stone bricks. And for a moment he thought he mined all the way to the stronghold. Before he remembered the stronghold was in the completely opposite direction.

Tinfoilcheif: Guys. have any of you used stone bricks at lvl 12?

Docm77: I don’t believe so. Hold up, im coming after you. DON’T do anything.

Tinfoilcheif: I’m digging through it. I hear something on the other side.

“Hello?” Was what he heard, and movement. Was that Xisuma? He heard Grian telling him to shut up, and how he was lucky to even be getting food. He waited a few moments, pressing his ear to the stone brick. He felt it vibrating as someone- presumably Grian- walked away. He heard a wooden door slam closed, before he took out his pickaxe. He broke the piece of stone, and his eyes widened at seeing the admin. The admins eyes were just as wide. “Tfc-?!” His voice was quiet, nervous as he looked back and forth. “H...How did you find-?”

“No time. Let's get you out of here. I’ll write down the coordinates, we can get Doc and the others to get Bdubs if he’s still on our side.” Tfc said, sending his coordinates in chat and pulling Xisuma out through the small exit he had made. He quickly replaced the stone. Xisuma started to run, and Tfc followed after him.

“What’s been going on?” Xisuma asked, and Tfc sighed.

“Scar was attacked, killed by Grian essentially. The hermits were about to go into civil war because they found out Scar wasn’t Vex, and Cub assumed he was on Night’s side, so he kidnapped him. I had to yell some sense back into them, and right now they're in Scar’s diamond mine, coming up with a plan. And void do we need you right now.” Tfc said, running behind the admin to protect his back. “You happen to have a plan by any chance? We’re struggling.”

“Surprisingly? Yes.” Xisuma said, panting as they ran the thousands upon thousands of blocks back towards the mine.

___

“XISUMA!” The hermits yelled, seeing Xisuma emerging with Tfc. They were all wide eyed, watching the two collapsed into panting heaps on the ground. Doc and Cub ran over to them, helping them lay on their backs and telling Cleo to go get them food and water. Tfc only realized then how hungry he was. His stomach was tensing up painfully, and he put a hand over his larger belly.

“Tfc? You okay?” Scar asked, walking over to the two weakly.

“Yea. Just fine kid.” Tfc said, taking the golden carrots Scar handed him and gladly chewing on a few, Xisuma doing the same.

“Thank void you guys are okay.” Doc sighed.

“I heard what happened, and frankly I can’t believe you guys.” Xisuma said with a sigh. “But that doesn’t matter now. Cause I have a plan. As admin, I can go into other worlds. I can take people and things to other worlds with me. So, lets get us some alley eh?” Xisuma said.

“Tango, Impulse, and Cub. I need you to start making some houses to hold others. Doc, I trust you to be a manager here, make sure this all gets done. The houses and rooms don’t have to look pretty. But we’re going far from our little area. As close to the world border as we can go. Everyone, while I’m gone, Collect every bit of spare armor, weapons, diamonds. Anything you have. Iskall, go to your pigman farm and collect as much damn gold as you can carry. I have to go meet with a few of our dear Grian’s old friends.” Xisuma smiled, taking his mask when Cleo came back with it. He borrowed Tfc’s elytra and rockets, before he flew off to his own jungle base.

The rest of the hermits started to rush back to their bases, even going through the ‘converted’ people’s bases to loot, despite feeling awful for doing so. They’d pay them back whatever was broken later, when they won against them.

___

Wels was carrying Bdubs as they flew through the sky. And So far none of the Stars had found them or were chasing them. The two were locked in a never-ending cycle of apologies. Wels apologizing profusely for what he had done, while Bdubs tried to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault and not make them crash because Wels starts hyperventilating. They landed the first place Bdub recognised. “THERE! There's a nether portal at Keralis’s base!” He said, and Wels flew down, looking around quickly. The two ran into the portal, laughing as they were so close to the others. So close to their freedom. Bdubs grabbed Wels by the hand, running to the shopping district.

They jumped through the shopping district's portal, went down the water elevators, and Bdubs ran straight for Tango’s fireworks shop. He grabbed a whole bunch of them, before running and nabbing an elytra. The two hermits quickly flew to Tango’s base, as it was one of the closer ones. They caught sight of the blond man running around and shoving things into skulers, the two of them tackling him.

“TANGO!” The two yelled, and Tango screamed- totally not in a high pitch, girly shriek of terror- as he landed hard on the ground.

“Bdubs?! WELS?!” He yelled, laughing as he wrapped his arms around the two. “Oh my void you guys are okay! But- But I thought Wels was one of them-?” Tango asked, adn Bdubs nodded.

“I managed to break the spell! A song of true love~” Bdubs grinned. Wels punched his arm.

“The idiot is only half right.” He said fondly. Bdubs and Tango laughed.

“Come on, I need help packing everything together.” Tango said. The two got off him and looked at him odd.

“How come?”

“Tfc managed to accidentally mine into Night’s base. That means we have a direct link to him-their?-base. But they also have a direct link to us. So once they realize Xisuma is missing…”

“You’re doomed?”

“To the extreme.”

“Alright! Wels then let's get goin-!”

Bdubs got a groan for that one.

Xisuma sighed, walking through Grian’s old world. Evo. He knew some people might still be here, but he wasn’t sure who currently. He looked around at all the old textures. At the lack of blocks he was so used too- certainly no honey blocks that is. “Hello??” He called out, cupping his hands over his mouth. He was at Evo’s spawn area, not having moved yet off the platform. He saw Grian’s city in the background of spawn, and chuckled a bit. The little gremlin really left his element when he left Evo. And god was Xisuma proud of him.

He started to walk around the mob ridden area, with only a diamond sword with him. He saw a flash of lavender from the corner of his eyes, in a tree. And he ran up to it. “HEY! Are you Nettyplays!?” He called out, and a panda hybrid poked her head out of the tree.

“Um… yes thats me! Who are you?” She asked kindly, “Wait, let me get down there!” She chirped, climbing down her ladder.

“My name is Xisuma, I’m an admin. And I was wondering, You’re friends with Grain right?”

“Oh absolutely! Has he been okay?? He hasn’t been sending letters for a few weeks now!”

“Ahhh… about that.”

“What trouble has he got into-?”

“A lot. Let me explain to the best of my knowledge…”

“So what your telling me is. Theres this scary void guy and he wants too… rule the universe?”

“Pretty much.”

“And he… processed Grian and a few others into joining him?”

“Yeup.”

“And you need me to go get my brother and his friends to help you get Grian back?”

“That be ideal.”

“Why don’t you move worlds?”

“He’d probably end up corrupting all of them.”

“Touche.”

Netty was sitting down, Her and Xisuma having made a small fire pit. She scratched at her neck, but sighed. “Anything to help Grian. I’ll get in touch with my brother. Actually! I can give you his world name! Would that help? And the names of a few others!”

“Would you? That’d be awesome!” Xisuma said.

“Stampy's lovely world, and Squid’s sky island!” Netty smiled. Xisuma nodded. “And I’ll come with you! My brother can be a bit… food driven. I know how to convince ‘em.” She giggled. And Xisuma chuckled.

“Alright then! Thank you so much Netty. It means so much to me. To us.” Xisuma stood up and went over to spawn, which thankfully wasn’t too far away. He let out a breath, using his voice abilities and only softly mumbling the words.

“Stampy’s lovely world.”

___

Xisuma paused when they got to the world. “Holy…” He mumbled, looking around the vast and completely filled to the brim world. There was so many lights, shops, and he even saw a few rides in the background. He yelped when Netty grabbed his hand and started to run, running straight to a house over a bay.

“STAMPY!” Netty yelled, and a few people poked out of no where, all animal hybrids. Reindeer, elephant, ect. What caught his attention though, was a bright orange cat.

“He looks so fluffy-” Xisuma mumbled under his breath. He heard Netty giggle before explaining the entire situation to her shell shocked brother, waving her arms about and gathering the crowd of helpers.

“So we really really REALLY need you’re help! And you’re dog’s help too!” Netty finished. And Stampy closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

“You’re so lucky I love you Netty.”

“YES!!! Thank you Stampy!” She hugged her brother, and Stampy laughed. His laugh was a wheezing one, happy and infectious. Xisuma chuckled softly. “Stampy! This is Xisuma. He’s a fellow admin!” She chirped.

“Nice to meet you! Can I call you X?” He asked, Xisuma waved his arms around shyly.

“Ah… I’d rather you not. That’s… kinda what we call my twin.” Xisuma said.

“Oh! Sorry then!”

Doc watched as the others scramble around in the snow biome, making homes and work areas out of whatever materials they could get at their base and shops. It was quite amusing honestly, watching Cub run around like a chicken without his head. He was perched on top of a tree, looking at the village beside them and sighing. “Poor, poor villagers.” He said slowly, leaning back into the spruce tree. “They probably don’t understand whats going on.” He said, monologuing again. He held his sword in his hand, running his finger along the blade. “Oh It will be amazing once I get this sword through that creatures chest.” He grinned lowly, the expression twisted.

“OI DOC! STOP DAY DREAMING OF MURDER AND HELP US!” False yelled.

“Okay okay! Damn! No need to shout!” He said, jumping out of the tree. False rolled her eyes fondly, and Doc walked over to help her build the small, two to three person homes. “I wonder who Xisuma is bringing though. It make more sense to go to Stress’s kingdom and get her parents army to help us fight.”

“Xisuma is our admin, not our brain cell.”

“Very true.”

The group paused when they got an influx of notifications on their communicators.

Stamplongnose has joined the server

Nettyplays has joined the server

Iballisticsquid has joined the server

Mithzan has joined the server

Yourpalross has joined the server.

And around twenty other people. Doc whistled lowly. “Daamn. And its only been an hour. ‘suma works fast.”

False laughed. “Oh my void. I think those are other admins. And Grian’s old friends.” She grinned. “Oh Night is officially fucked.”

___

“WHY THE FUCK IS SKY HERE?!”

“BECAUSE I DON'T WANT MY WORLD CORRUPTED THANKS!”

“Guys! Calm down-”

“MAX CHILL OUT!”

“SHUT IT POOKIE!”

Xisuma pinched the bridge of his nose, bashing his head into a crafting table. Okay. Maybe he should’ve thought this through a bit more. “We don’t have time for you’re bickering. Come on. Lets get you elytras and we’re heading out.” Xisuma said, opening a chest full of boasts and throwing them down for everyone. He found out the names of these other admins and they were… and interesting bunch.

Max and Ross were both admins to a lot of worlds, same with Sky- aka Adam. He was lucky he accidentally ended up in another server, with access to so many good pvpers. But… the bickering was unbearable. He guided everyone to the shopping district, being as discreet as he could with 20 people.

___

Night knew of the others that joined the server. He had Bdub’s and Xisuma’s communicators after all. And he was quick to alert his Star’s on the situation. Assuring them that failure was not an option, no matter what. He noticed the flickering in Bird’s eyes, for now just assuming that was Grian telling him who these new people were…

It was in fact, quite the opposite. Currently going on in ‘Birds’ head was…

“oH MY VOID NETTY AND TAURUS ARE HERE! THEY DO CARE!!! HOLY SHIT! HAHAHA FUCK YOU!”

“Oh my vOID SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I ACTUALLY THROW US DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.”

Around 20 minutes later, after Night had explained the situation, Observer was trying to find the winged Star, only… only to see him at the top of a ginormous staircase. “Bird?! What are you doing?!” He yelled, only to screech as the avian threw himself down the staircase. He watched the winged man thud down nearly 64 stair blocks of varying materials. Observer watched with a deep frown, and he could hear Mumbo’s hysterical laughter in the background. He watched as Bird got to the bottom of the stairs, groaning loudly in pain.

“Well did you really think that was a smart idea?” Observer asked, holding back his urge to laugh. Bird nodded as he groaned.

“I think I broke every bone in this body.”

~Ollie ;)

#the night au #night au #Nightau!TFC #TFC #Zombiecleo #Grian #Evo #Evolution #Surprise guests ;)#ten pages long #Major character save

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emberdragon240 · 5 years ago

Text

BFDI Done In Hermitcraft: Chapter 1: The Plank P1

(This is also on Wattpad if that’s your thing)

"I know, she was so scared over nothing! The bee wasn't even that big, and False was freaking out!"

"Really, Iskall?"

"Really, and yet she calls herself a badass."

"She is in a way, do you remember when she asked Bdubs if she was beautiful?"

Flashback to a week ago

"Bdubs, am I beautiful?"

"Umm, sorry, but no-"

*proceeds to get yeeted to the sun*

End of flashback

"Right, I remember that, and I still hate her!" Bdubs jumped into Grian and Iskall's conversation about how False was a complete asshole. She was so rotten, even Joe hated her, and that was very unusual for him to think of people.

"I swear, I'm gonna get revenge on her! I am honsetly so glad you guys are my friends, really!" Even though they didn't really know eachother, (almost) everyone was friends on the Hermitcraft island.

"You're my friend too, right, Mumbo?" Bdubs said as he grabbed Mumbo and started squeezing him with no mercy.

"Bdubs, stop!" Grian and Iskall yelled before there was a sickening crunch and their communicators buzzed with a death message.

*MumboJumbo was suffocated*

"Sorry about that," Bdubs said, clearly embarrassed at what happened. Mumbo eventually respawned in one of those respawn generators, only to get almost killed by Jevin pointing a sword at his chest.

"Hey! I just respawned!" Mumbo said, exasperated.

"Hey, don't blame me! Blame the stupid Tango here, it's his fault!" Jevin said as he kicked Tango in the face, making him let go as he flew into the ocean.

"Fine! I'll grab Cleo instead," Tango said before grabbing Cleo out of nowhere and yeeting her to Mumbo, which was a very close dodge.

"Yikes!" Mumbo said. She was also conveniently holding a sword, so it was a pretty close call. "What was that for!?" Mumbo asked.

"What? I'm just in the mood to hurt someone," Tango replied. He then found Keralis, which he kicked with absolutely no mercy. Keralis screamed his ass off as he flew, conveniently passing by Wels. He then landed on the ground face first in shallow water where Stress was doing something.

"Keralis! What are you doing there? There's a life to enjoy, so enjoy it!" Stress said in her cheering state. Keralis had a liking for TFC for some reason, so went to him and starting acting all lovingly. A little bit too lovingly, because TFC kicked him into the air as well.

"TFC, calm down," Joe said with papa bear mode set to low. "Kicking him that hard can have permanent side effects. He IS light-weight," Joe lectured as Keralis continued flying in the air once again and as he flew past Wels, not much happened, why am I mentioning this? Anyways, he eventually fell because of the laws of physics, and he fell right onto Zedaph, and as he got up, he noticed... blood. I think you can guess what happened from there. The scream was so loud it could be heard all over the island.

"Keralis is such a scaredy-cat," Cub complained. "He's so annoying. Scar, though, you're cool," Cub said to his friend and partner-in-crime-I mean, partner-in-business.

"So are you, Cub!" Scar complimented back. Meanwhile, Wels was still flying before crashing into a mountain at low speeds, so he didn't take too much damage from the crash. The weird thing though, was that Zedaph was just sitting there as if he took a nap with his eyes open. Wels shouldn't have been surprised, though, since he always acted as if he was on LSD.

"Zedaph! Wake up!" Wels shook Zedaph awake.

"What? Hi, Wels!" Zedaph said as he was jolted awake. Wels sighed before yeeting Zedaph behind him (seriously, why are the hermits constantly yeeting each other around?). Zedaph flew along, all in a excitement that you only feel when you're high until he fell onto Joe, barely surviving.

"Oh, hi Joe, my good old friend!" Zedaph greeted Joe tiredly and before passing out from his injuries. Meanwhile, Doc and Ren were sitting near Impulse with an angry glare. They still couldn't get over the whole Area 77 thing, so here we are.

"Ren! You're an absolute idiot!" Doc yelled at Ren. He did not get the reaction he was expecting though, because Ren's response was to slap him.

"Hey!" Doc yelled, surprised.

"Oh my god, your face feels so good to slap!" Ren said. He was not acting like himself today. He then went on a slapping spree. He was about to continue when Xisuma caught him in the act.

"Doc! Ren! Stop fighting!" Xisuma yelled at the two. "And Impulse, take a bath, you stink," X commented at Impulse who was just watching.

"Sorry," Impulse said.

"Isn't X bossy?" Tango asked Cub, who were both watching the scene.

"I know! He's like a bossy bot!" Cub tried to make a joke, but all he got were stares from Scar, Tango and Wels.

"Uh, you know, a bossy robot?" Cub tried to explain the joke which only got more awkward stares.

"Um, here's the thing; a robot that was built to be at it's bossiest," Cub tried to explain further which didn't help one bit, but everyone got tired of staring at him and decided to stare at the now setting sun. "I'd do anything to get away from him," Cub said. "Or False, or Keralis, or Impulse," then conveniently and suspiciously in time, out of some mysterious smoke, some kind of... creature? Came out of the smoke

"Well then, you're in luck!" The thing said, and it was obvious it was female. It seemed to be some kind of dragon hybrid, Ender Dragon maybe? And had a crop top with decked out armor on the bottom. She also had some kid of belt with fabric that would cover her private if she didn't already have pants on.

"Uh, how?" Cub asked. The girl who seemed to be in her 20

"They're creating the server of paradise, everyone," She continued. "It's called Dream Island. It's one square mile (2.5 kilometers for all you people outside of the US) of luxury. It has a 5 star hotel, a casino, six restaurants, robot servants, and the server's whitelisted, so the winner gets to chose who's allowed in, and who's not!" She described trying to sound all excited too hard.

"Ok, what does it cost?" Cub asked. If he couldn't pay it entirely, he might borrow some of his best friend's diamonds because that's what friends do! /s

"Not even a penny," The woman responded.

"Sounds like a deal! Me and my friend'll take it!" Cub answered excitedly.

"But what about about the rest of the people here? Don't they want it too?" The mysterious being asked.

"Well, I wouldn't give up that server for anything," Cub answered.

"Everyone here's thinking the same thing," she responded. "So you know what that means. We must settle this with a reality TV show- I mean, a contest."

Cue the intro

"So yeah," the mysterious woman who still hasn't given her name yet said, "whoever stays on this plank the longest wins."

"Go."

"Let's help each other," Stress said. She wouldn't let this contest affect her! Or at least she hoped so.

"Yeah!" Jevin agreed.

"Tango, wake up! What are you doing?" Ren asked Tango, who was clearly asleep for some reason.

"Uh oh!" Impulse said as he slipped off the bar, to which no one noticed.

"Get out of my way!" False said as she was pushing people into the pool of water underneath the plank with her sword. "I need my space!"

"Help me, Jevin!" Stress said as she was falling and close to becoming another one of False's victims. Being made of slime was pretty convenient in this situation though, as he was able to stretch and easily save her from the cold, murky waters of failure.

"Thanks!" Stress said.

"Let's form an alliance!" Mumbo said to the Architect team who all agreed with him, but it unfortunately fell over unwanted ears, as Bdubs heard over from the other side of the plank and was interested now.

"Did I hear an alliance is being formed? I've gotta join!" Bdubs said as rushed over, pushing Scar off the plank on the way.

"Can I be part-" was all Bdubs was able to say before they were all falling into the ocean.

"No." was the only thing Iskall said before they all fell into the water and had Dream Island out of their reach. While all of this was happening, Ren was still trying to wake up Tango.

"Tango, wake up!" Ren said while shaking him before he accidentally put him down too close to the plank and he started to fall. "Oops," but just then, Tango woke up and walked back up on the plank, pushing Ren off in the process.

"Ren! Don't ever-" Tango said before he realized what he just did. "Whoops,"

Final 6!

"Look, there's the evil False," Stress said to Jevin as she pointed at False. "She's still in,"

"Let's run her over!" Jevin suggested to False.

"Yeah!" She said, excitedly. This was only a harmless joke, she was gonna apologize later!

"Uh oh," Tango thought out loud as they started trampling over. The plan didn't work, however, and the two got kicked into the air by False.

"Hey, we're flying!" Jevin realized.

"You're right! Woohoo!" Stress confirmed, completely forgetting that what comes up, must come down.

"Uh-oh," Jevin remembered as they almost fell off the plank with TFC, but Stress managed to get a grip.

"Pull up," Jevin commanded Stress.

"I... can't!" Stress realized, getting ready for their fate. "Oh no! Tango? Zedaph? Help!" Stress cried for help. Eventually, Tango stepped on her hand, preventing it from falling any further.

"What is it?!" Tango asked, annoyed.

"You're stepping on my hand." Stress mentioned as Tango got off her foot.

"There, better now?" Tango asked.

"Yes, now pull us up." Stress said, but as Tango tried to pull the three up, he fell over and only had his feet on the plank now, the only part that still had a chance of getting the invite to Dream Island.

"Hold onto my other arm, TFC," Stress told him, who complied. Then the hugest dick on the planet towered over them as she started laughing in that cartoon villain sort of way.

"Ha, ha! I'm wearing non-slip shoes, so boo-hoo you weirdos!" False mocked them in her usual annoying way when Tango came up with an idea and kicked her over with one of his feet, but False grabbed onto Jevin to his extreme dislike before he came up with the idea to... lick her?

"Aaah, AAAHHH!" False screamed as she instinctively pulled away, but she instantly realized was a big mistake when she starting falling, falling, and eventually into failure.

"Nice work, Jevin! A job well done!" Stress complimented Jevin's great idea.

"TFC, let's swing!" Jevin said as they swinged back onto the plank, completely forgetting about Tango and Stress.

"Jevin, alliance, remember?" Stress reminded Jevin, who pulled Stress back up onto the plank.

"Stress! You're stepping on me!" Tango said.

"What?" Stress said before Tango fell. "Oops,"

Final 4!

TFC was the first to think and the quickest, as he pushed the unsuspecting Zedaph into the water, who seemed to be having another acid trip. He pushed a little too far, though, as he also fell into the dark, cold water. Now it was just Jevin and Stress left in the battle.

"Rock, paper, scissors!" They said in coordination. Stress chose paper, while Jevin chose scissors.

"Scissors beats paper, so I get to push you off!" Jevin announced, which surprised Stress.

"Wait, what!? I never agreed to that!" Stress said.

"Ok, here's the thing: when I win, I'll invite you to Dream Island." Jevin said, trying to make a deal with Stress.

"This still isn't fair, Jevin," Stress confronted him.

"Only one of us can will, after all," Jevin said while holding up

his middle finger instead of his pointer.

"Jevin, wrong finger." Stress reminded him.

"Whoops," Jevin said with an awkward chuckle. "But my point still stands."

"And that's where you're wrong," the mysterious woman popped out from a cloud of smoke once again. "You two both win!"

"We both get the invite?" Jevin asked.

"Not quite, you two actually get to choose teams for a more longer, larger competition for the invite to Dream Island."

#hermitblr #hermitcraft #hermitcraft fanfic #bfdi #parody #writing

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whycraft · 6 years ago

Text

The Three Body Problem: Chapter 8

A/N: Possible tw for this chapter? The Watcher has some flashbacks to a war (nothing graphic, but they think Grian is one of their old brothers in arms (that’s not the right term but I can’t remember the right one))

The war progressed quite quickly after that. Flags were stolen, lives were lost, and both teams were a bit on edge - but no one was as on edge as Watcher. Frankly, it was giving Grian a bit of a headache.

It was for this reason that he suggested having a final battle; first to his own teammates, then to Team STAR. The war had been dragging on for a while, so everyone was pretty open to the idea.

On the day of the battle, Grian and the Watcher watched as Cub and Scar set up their cameras on the head platform, preparing to report on the battle.

I can’t believe they’re not going to fight, said the Watcher scornfully. Cowards, the both of them.

There’s a lot of people who aren’t fighting. They’re not cowards, they just don’t want to participate.

Cowards.

Grian sighed. Are you ready?

Yes.

Let’s go, then.

They joined up with the rest of G-Team in their meeting room. Grian gave a quick peptalk, then they talked strategy, then split into smaller teams and began gearing up.

Several communicators beeped at once. It was Cub: [Go!!]

The battle had begun.

Grian and Jevin immediately headed out of their base and towards Team STAR’s. Their task was to distract the archers and the ghast canon while Joe built a bridge over the moat. By that point in time, the moat was deadly - magma blocks and Guardians were scattered every few feet. In order to steal Team STAR’s final flag, G-Team had to be able to make it across the moat.

“I think I’m gonna try to blow a hole in their wall,” said Grian, inching as close as he could and pulling out his TNT.

“I’m going to try to draw their fire over here,” said Jevin. “Stay safe.”

Grian lit off the TNT, but it didn’t cause any substantial damage.

“Oh my gosh,” said Jevin. “Dude, I’ve gotta get out of here, there’s TNT everywhere -”

A ghast ball flew over Grian’s head and landed somewhere behind him. Next thing he knew, he was flying into the air with the sounds of explosions in his ears. He landed close to the water, unharmed save for fall damage.

“I’m guessing that was the TNT you were talking about?” he said, struggling to get the breath back into his chest. “Jevin? You okay?”

“No, man, I need to get some regen. Hang on -” Jevin tossed a regen potion at his feet. “I think we’ve got a successful bridge, by the way.”

The Watcher cheered inside his head, but Grian was too busy watching Doc and Ren. “Are they putting llamas in - I can’t believe my eyes, what are they doing?”

“Grian, we need more gear.”

Grian tore himself away from Doc and Ren’s llama machine. “Right. Quick retreat, then.”

They scampered back to G-Team’s base only to find that the front was overrun by witches. They backtracked to one of Jevin’s potion outposts and took turns pressing the button.

Grian and Jevin’s communicators beeped at the same time. It was ConCorp: [STAR 9, G 5]

We’re running out of lives, we need a new strategy! We need to take initiative!

Wels ran past them, leaping over the hill like some sort of bizarre gazelle.

Watcher took control and grabbed Cleo, who was running in the opposite direction. “Gang up on Wels, gang up on Wels!”

Watcher, you’ve got to warn me before you do that!

“I’ve only got a stone sword!” she said, but chased after Wels alongside Jevin nonetheless.

“It doesn’t matter, keep going,” said the Watcher, aiming his bow and releasing an arrow. Wels dodged it easily. “No, don’t let him - don’t let him get away!”

But Wels was too quick, and made it safely back to Team STAR’s base.

“Oh, he’s gone,” said the Watcher dispiritedly.

Grian took back control. “I’m going in with an invisibility potion. Jevin, Cleo, distract them.”

Between the invisibility potion and the darkness of night, it was easy to cross the battlefield and then Joe’s bridge unnoticed. He slipped into the labyrinth and closed the door behind him. He didn’t have to worry about phantoms; they’d all been killed by that point.

“Alright,” he said, “let’s do this.”

But that was easier said than done. A labyrinth was a labyrinth, after all, and it was not exactly easy to find one’s way in a labyrinth, much less in a barely-lit one. Each time they were met with a cave or a blank wall instead of a flag room, the Watcher became increasingly angrier.

It’s not in here!

No, wait, I think I see something.

It was the flag! It was in a long, thin room hidden behind iron bars. Grian broke the iron bars without hesitation and rushed towards the flag.

If it hadn’t been for the noise, he probably would have kept running. But there had been a noise. Grian knew a pufferfish when he heard one, and even he knew enough about redstone to realise that he’d probably set off a trap.

At the opposite end of the room, only a few blocks from the flag, there was an explosion. Then another - closer, this time - and another - and another - Grian turned back to go the way he’d come from, but there were explosions coming from that end, too. There was nowhere to go. Grian closed his eyes.

No! We’re going to lose!

We’re going to die!

But just before the explosions were about to reach them, they ceased. Grian cracked one eye open, then the other. Were they safe?

“Of course,” he realised. “They can’t blow up the pufferfish.”

In no time at all, they’d grabbed the flag and made their way to the top of the labyrinth. Unfortunately, they’d spent too long searching for the flag: their invisibility potion had run out.

We’re going to have to run for it, said the Watcher. Don’t stop until we’ve reached the meeting room. Are you ready?

As I’ll ever be. Grian peeked his head out of the door, then darted out of the labyrinth and across the bridge.

Almost immediately, the archers on top of the wall called out and started shooting at him. They jumped down from the wall and started chasing him before he could get out of range.

All the noise got the attention of just about every other Hermit in the battle, and friend and foe alike started following Grian - Team STAR to reclaim their flag, G-Team to protect Grian from Team STAR.

Faster, faster, they’re just behind us!

Watcher, I can’t go any -

Oh, go away! They wrestled control of the body away from Grian and ran faster. There were a few surprised yells from their Team STAR pursuers, who also began to run faster.

The Watcher’s fingers tightened around the flag pole, knuckles white against the wood. Their breathing hitched and stuttered.

Watcher? You good?

No, I’m not good, ∴ᔑℸ ᓵ⍑ᒷ ∷! We’re in the middle of a war!

What’d you call me?

This is no time for jokes! Shut up and cover me!

Watcher, I’m inside your head, I can’t run.

But the Watcher didn’t listen, only ran faster. They were at the back entrance of the G-Team base, and scrambled to press the button and get through the door with the flag in hand. They’d only just made it to the bubblevator when the door opened again and a group of Hermits poured in. The Watcher jumped into the bubblevator and shot upwards.

They’re going to catch me, the Watcher said hysterically. ∴ᔑℸ ᓵ⍑ᒷ ∷, do something!

Watcher, snap out of it!

The rest of the hermits were right on their tail. The bubblevator dragged them past the meeting room and spat them out on the roof of the G-Team base. Their foot caught on the rim of the bubblevator, causing them to crash onto the ground. They let out a low cry, holding the flag close to their chest as they slid a few blocks.

“Grian? Grian? Guys, I think something’s wrong.” It was Joe; the rest of the hermits had arrived.

“Grian?” Ren put a hand on the Watcher’s shoulder, but the Watcher grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip, causing him to cry out in pain.

They stood up, and through gritted teeth, growled out, “I am not Grian.”

Ren yanked his arm away from the Watcher and backed away towards the other Hermits, who were warily readying their weapons.

“...Grian?” said Mumbo tentatively.

“I am not Grian!” Ignoring the many alarmed shouts, they turned tail and leapt off the roof.

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