#i got this silly lil idea last night randomly

[mushiewrites]

Whiskers and Eyeliner

Day 2 is for a request from @kasey-writes-stuff for lee!Dream and ler!Karl! Prompt from this post for the Tickletober event!

Day 2: Drawn On

(lee!Dream / ler!Karl : 1.8k words)

It was just an eyeliner pencil; something Sapnap had picked up at the halloween store when trying to find their ridiculous costumes. It was gel, specifically made for the purpose of being used as costume makeup, both so it wasn’t too harsh on the skin and so you didn’t have to press down as hard as a regular eyeliner to see results. 

Dream let out a frustrated sigh when he flinched again, groaning and closing his eyes in annoyance. He looked at himself in his bathroom mirror, then turned his attention to the small pencil in his hand, spinning it between his two fingers as he contemplated whether he should continue or not. He knew he had to, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. When Sapnap and George had brought up the idea that he should be Patches for halloween, Dream immediately agreed, knowing it would be a minimal effort costume with maximum rewards, getting to see all the fanart of it for weeks to come. He set the eyeliner onto the marbled countertop of the sink, looking into the mirror and adjusting the brown ears that sat amongst his dirty blonde waves before glancing down again at the eyeliner. 

It was just an eyeliner pencil. So why did it tickle so badly?

A loud bang on his bedroom door pulled him from his thoughts, noticing his reflection was now bearing pink dusted cheeks where his tan freckles usually reside. Dream turned his head slightly as the door swung open, Karl bursting into the room in his bright green frog costume. He made his way over to Dream who had turned his attention back to the mirror, messing with the eyeliner again between his palms. The two met eyes in their reflections, Karl’s smile faltering slightly when he realized Dream wasn’t ready yet. 

“You’re not even ready! What have you been doing back here all this time, Dream? I mean we know you’re handsome, but seriously.” the blonde shook his head with a smirk, a quick burst of air huffing from his nose at the comment. 

“I-I just am having issues with this stupid eyeliner thing. Don’t we have any black paper I can just tape onto my face in strips or something?” Karl rolled his eyes at the comment, taking the eyeliner from Dream and turning his chair so the younger boy could face him . “Why do I even need the whiskers? I have the ears!” 

“You can’t be a cat without whiskers, that’s unheard of. What are you, an idiot? Just come here, Dream.” the giggly brunette leaned down, eyeliner in hand as it made a beeline straight for Dream’s right cheek. However, the minute Karl touched the eyeliner down against Dream’s cheek and moved it slightly, the blonde was recoiling back with a yelp before he could process what had even happened. 

“What the hell was that for?” Karl was still giggling, trying to assess the situation that was currently playing out. He allowed his eyes to get a good look at Dream, really taking in the details; Dream’s cheeks were bright red, his lips pressed together as he appeared to be struggling to keep his laughter in. It suddenly clicked for Karl, his smile turning into a mischievous grin spreading across his face. He could see the exact moment Dream realized Karl knew what was going on, and he began to cackle as the younger brought his hands up in embarrassment to cover his overheating face. 

“Tell me your cheeks aren’t ticklish, Dream. There’s no way,” Karl raised an eyebrow when he saw green eyes peeking out from behind pale hands, a nervous shrug accompanying an anxious giggle that had managed to slip past his fingers. “Oh my gosh, they are!”

Dream groaned through another giggle, finally removing his hands from covering his face and crossing them against his chest with a flustered huff. 

“I didn’t know that, okay! But every time I try and draw the stupid whiskers my cheek gets all….you know! And then I mess it up and have to start all over. It’s fucking annoying.” Dream turned his head slightly to point down at the trashcan in the corner of the room, filled to the brim with dark stained tissues, no doubt from the failed attempts with the eyeliner. 

“Oh stop, it’s adorable,” Dream rolled his eyes as Karl very clearly tried to stifle his laugh, trying not to embarrass Dream any further than he already was. “Come on, let me help you.”

Dream thought about it for a second before letting out a nervous chuckle, whining slightly as he turned his face back towards Karl. 

“I’m gonna try and go fast, okay?” Karl got a grunt back in response and took that as the okay to get started. He tapped the eyeliner down on the top of Dream’s cheek, drawing it out towards his temple slowly. Karl had been trying to make the line as straight as possible, but this task seemed impossible to do with Dream’s cheeks moving due to him trying to suppress his giggles. The curly haired boy couldn’t help the fond smile that was forming everytime Dream’s nose twitched from how bad the pencil was tickling his face. It was fucking adorable.

Dream was sitting surprisingly still through the second whisker, more towards the middle of his cheek and out towards his ear. But when Karl was drawing out the final line, dragging it down towards the blonde’s jaw, Dream flinched violently, causing Karl to draw a line down under his chin instead. 

“Dreheam! You just messed me up, you idiot! Now I have to fix it!” he couldn’t help but giggle along with Dream, the blonde fidgeting with his hands in his lap as he tried to keep his hands away from the drying gel on his face. 

“I’m sohohorry! I didn’t mehean it, I-I cahan’t help ihit.” The blush was slowly coloring Dream’s neck a light shade of pink, the embarrassment getting to him a little more now that his skin felt even more sensitive with the anticipation of the eyeliner returning to his cheek once again. 

“Alright, let me just wipe this off before it stains,” Karl grabbed another tissue from the box, noticing immediately how little was left in the box and how much Dream must have messed up drawing on himself. It made Karls heart feel warm, picturing the younger boy giggling to himself as he tried to draw whiskers on. Karl wiped the black line clean, bringing the pencil down and quickly finishing the line before Dream had time to react. “There! See, that wasn’t so bad.”

“Nohoho, but it feels all tingly and weird.” The blonde refused to make eye contact with the boy standing above him, knowing his blush would probably turn him purple at this point. He heard Karl bark out a laugh at that, making him finally lift his head to see what was so hilarious. 

“You can just say your cheeks are ticklish.” Dream’s ears were on fire, his cheeks blazing and spreading throughout his body like a wildfire. He could see goosebumps prickle his skin at the mention of the word, causing an involuntary shiver to run down his spine. Dream rubbed his hands against the thighs of his jeans quickly as a way to release his giddy energy, shrugging and throwing his arms up after a few seconds of silence. 

“I’m not saying that!” Dream finally managed to whine out, making Karl laugh even harder.

“Okay cutie, come on. The others are gonna come kill us if we’re not out there in the next ten seconds,” Karl took a step forward, placing a hand on Dream’s left cheek to turn his head slightly for a better angle to draw against. Giggles were already tumbling out of Dream, unable to stop them as Karl once again drew the top line just under his eye. He moved his hands to wring at his shirt, trying to focus on something other than how bad it was tickling.

Karl successfully drew the middle line with little issue, but he knew that this last line would be the issue. They were in the homestretch now, and he was not about to deal with an inpatient Sapnap. 

“Alright, last one Dream. Think you can stay still? Or is your jaw too ticklish, too?” Karl teased, a snicker following as Dream’s hand came up to shove against the smaller boy’s hip. He readjusted himself to be back directly in front of Dream, grabbing his chin to hold him in place as Karl went to draw the final line. 

“N-nohoho come ohohon! H-Hurry! You’re dohohoing this on puhuhurpose!” Dream was nearly in hysterics as Karl kept a strong grip on Dream’s chin, keeping his head in place as he slowly drew the last whisker. 

“KAHAHAHARL NOHOHO!” the brunette couldn’t help but giggle mischievously at that, continuing to go back over the line near his jaw painfully slow. Karl decided to show mercy and finally released him, stepping back to appreciate his work. He spun Dream’s chair around as the last of the giggles finally simmered out to show him the whiskers. 

“Oh my gohosh, this is horrible!” Dream let out a wheeze before breaking into cackles, seeing how wobbly the lines on his face were. “What did you even dohoho?!”

“Listen, if I didn’t have such a ticklish canvas it would’ve turned out better than this, okay?” The comment made Dream press his lips together quickly, not wanting to provoke Karl than he already had. Karl smiled and poked his nose with the eyeliner, coloring in a black nose to complete his costume. To his surprise, Dream let out a little squeak when Karl finally pulled the eyeliner away. They shared a look, one that was a mutual understanding. Karl was the first to take the bait though, and the teasing began once again. 

“....So, the tip of your nose is ticklish?” 

“Shut the fuck up.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“.....I’m sorry?” 

“Right. I’ll remember this, Dreamie,” Karl turned on his heels, making his way towards the door to go meet the others that were waiting downstairs. He turned around when he was in the hallway, leaning back through the doorway with a finger pointed at the blonde. “Watch yourself.”

Dream realized he shouldn’t be intimidated by a man in a frog suit, but nonetheless, he swallowed thickly as he made his way towards the door to follow Karl, already planning to be on high alert the rest of the night.

[beatnikbedlam]

Spring 2023 Anime Roundup

uhhhh it’s kinda late this season and idek if i REALLY feel like doing it but here goes

New Shit:

Why Raelina Ended Up at the Duke’s Mansion: probably my favorite of the season so far. corsets, conspiracies, and hot dangerous men as far as the eye can see

Mashle: lives up to the hype! it’s just One Punch Man + Harry Potter - JKR’s shitty politics

KamiKatsu: absolutely demented. i truly have no idea whatsoever what’s coming week-to-week

Magical Destroyers: was not sold at all initially, but the OP kept drawing me back and i think i’m on board now

I Got a Cheat Skill…: pretty generic power fantasy/wish fulfillment, but executed well enough to keep me interested

Skip and Loafer: fucking adorable. love these lil rascals

Rokudo’s Bad Girls: this show gives me nostalgia for an era of anime that i wasn’t even super into. don’t let the art style turn you off, it’s some of the most fun you can have with a show this season (besides Birdie Wing of course)

Hell’s Paradise: more grimdark than the shit i usually like, but i’m sticking around at least long enough to figure out what kinda Dr Zhivago shit they got going on the island

Sacrificial Princess and the King of Beasts: been a long time since i saw a show that was both this wholesome and also For The Freaks…

A Galaxy Next Door: … except for maybe this one. real “The Writer’s Barely Disguised Fetish” hours

Yamada-kun at Lvl 999: great little romcom! and then there’s randomly one episode (episode 5) that is legit one of the most harrowing episodes of television that i’ve ever seen! and then goes back to normal romcom. kinda weird show

Otaku Elf: very cute, very silly, very relatable

Dangers of the Heart: also very cute, silly and relatable, but instead of a cringe otaku girl, it’s a cringe emo boy

Insomniacs After School: scratching my Call of the Night itch. newest ep was some of the cutest shit i’ve ever seen

Old Shit:

Birdie Wing: YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TIME IT IS LET’S GOOOOO

The Megumin Show: from the very first minute, i knew that this show would not disappoint. and it hasn’t yet! (knock on wood)

Demon Slayer: it’s more Demon Slayer. what, you thought it was gonna be bad? no. it rules. it’s not gonna stop ruling

Shit I Need To Start/Get Back To/Might Drop:

Yuri Is My Job: it’s good, but i also don’t remember the last time i cringed so hard at a show

The Café Terrace and Its Goddesses: exquisite trash. kinda hate the main character, but can’t wait to get back around to it

Oshi no Ko: watched the first episode, thought it was great, have had no desire to watch more since? i’ll get back to it at some point i’m sure

Ranking of Kings: found out about the author’s politics a few weeks before this came out and just haven’t really felt like watching it. i’m sure i will at some point tho lol

Dead Mount Death Play: dunno. good first episode. but it’s just not really my thing

Too Cute Crisis: looks fun!

Heavenly Delusion: keep forgetting it exists because it’s on hulu

My One-Hit Kill Sister: didn’t finish the first episode 😭

[honklore]

hello! i just found ur blog and omfg i’m in love with your writing style! may i pls have some soulmate au hc’s for a reader who’s an artist? (i’m indecisive so you can choose who the hcs are with!) so like (insert cc u write for here) has got paint stains on his hands and like assorted sketches and stuff on his skin all the time from his soulmate. ty so much!! :]

masterpiece | quackity

(gn reader, quackity is the loml, reader is so talented but v messy, chat teases q to no end, quackity is the biggest softie in the world but refuses to acknowledge it, plantain slander)

listen to: rainbow connection (cover) by sleeping at last

sweet quackity :((

it starts when he’s eighteen, and it happens like almost immediately

he got these splotches of purple on his hands and his mom was like ?? are u getting into fights ?? are you okay???

and q rlly doesn’t mind aside from the weird questions when the colors are a little too close to red or purple

but!! nowadays mostly you just sketch w a pen

it’s during your classes usually,,, ur an art history major and you need something to occupy your hands (which is actually why you started drawing in the first place)

so during the day quackity will acquire lil sketches of famous paintings,,, or sometimes originals,,, but they’re always washed off before the day is done

sometimes random art facts/theories/studies but he has no idea why someone would write him about van gogh’s use of color

*cue u aggressively scrubbing your skin in the shower bc you always forget how permanent the ink is*

quackity is sort of... hesitant when it comes to writing on his skin. esp with streaming, he’s scared that fans will react badly ,, that negative thought keeps him at bay most days

but sometimes he writes lil notes on his legs,,, where chat won’t see anything ,,,, and they’re always either rlly sweet or rlly weird

(hope ur having a good day)

(hey bestie :P )

(soulmate my beloved)

(will u be the howie mandel to my dr. phil)

that last one made you genuinely worried for your future

badly drawn picture of a duck holding a briefcase (this is me)

which confuses you but as he draws more, you begin to associate him with ducks, and sometimes the duck wears a tie, and sometimes a beanie, and one time he had a giant blue axe which kind of concerned you

but you digress

when you get stressed u finger paint

and it’s just a way to create chaos and feel the cold paint on your skin like idk it’s relaxing yknow :)

quackity is streaming

and he doesn’t realize what’s happening. he’s reacting to attaway general,, and he’s kind of invested

it’s only when he pauses it to make a point that he notices

and he tries to hide it but chat notices right away

panicked!quackity

it’s not that he doesn’t trust chat he just knows things can get negative quickly and he wants his space to be free of that

but someone donates “artist q?”

and quackity lets the joke run

he stands up and pulls the mic super close to his mouth

“i’m in my artist arc chat! nihachu watch out >.>”

“CHAT WE’RE POPPIN OFF I AM A PAINTER NOW I PAINT”

it’s literally so silly bc q knows that chat knows but they’re letting him do his bit

and later that night he checks twitter and artist q is trending, but quackity’s soulmate is also trending

it’s all mostly supportive, and there’s already some rlly endearing fan art of quackity with paint all over his hands

quackity private tweet: ❤️❤️❤️

and he gets a lil confidence boost after that

answers questions abt u on his alt

tells the story of his mom thinking he was getting into fights

“guys paula is still my number one and my soulmate will just have to understand that”

“we already agreed we would both reject each other for taylor swift chat it’s fine”

answers donos and doodles on his hand

which he can do now bc chat knows!!!!

(you’re so talented your honor)

(have you ever seen attaway general?)

(charli d’amelio is in it)

(charli d’amelio is in it shit dixie sorry)

and you’re like !!! it’s on my hand !!!! it’s not hidden at all !!!

this image is so endearing to me like you’ve got paint stains all over your hands and quackity’s scrawl is filling in the empty spaces like he didn’t want to interrupt your work

duck with a beret, a mustache, and a paintbrush (this is me now)

ik he is going to share the most mundane things in a way of showing his love

(i listened to this song the other day)

(i bought a literal plantain today those things are big as shit)

(update: not good :/)

(i’m writing lore)

(i have an exam tomorrow)

just :(( sweet quackity wants u to know every little detail abt his life bc he wants u to know him

and you reply when u can

(added to my playlist!)

(i like plantain chips but i’ve never had the fruit alone)

(rip buddy :/)

(lore? like fnaf?)

quackity finds out you know extensive fnaf lore and the two of you stay up arguing about which is worse: the bite of ‘87 or the bite of ‘83

both of your legs look like newspapers that night and it takes a lot of scrubbing to get all of those off

one day you’re painting smth and quackity randomly gives you his discord

(add me and we can watch game theory together and see who is right)

the two of you end up watching it and getting in call with each other

when you hear his voice it’s like everything falls into place

he fills in all the empty spaces,,, answers all the questions you didn’t realize you had,,,, and he’s so wonderful that you find yourself missing him dearly whenever he’s not on call with you

you join him in calls on his streams sometimes like for jackbox or when he’s cooking

“CHAT MY SOULMATE IS A CHICA KINNIE”

you stop joining him on calls on his stream /s

but chat loves you and always takes ur side over q’s

you get tons of followers on your art account and you even get to sell some of your paintings!!

ur new favorite colors to use are blue and yellow i don’t make the rules

but everyone starts to catch on and they find it really sweet

you catch up on quackity lore solely for him and declare yourself a c!quackity apologist

you’ve definitely retweeted the meme that’s like “if villain bad why hot”

when u guys meet quackity kisses your forehead :((((

when you

a drawing of two ducks holding hands (this is us)

thank you for the kind words and for requesting !!!

[avarkriss]

Bad

A Javier Peña x Reader Drabble

Rated: E for Explicit (18+ only) 

Word Count: 875

Summary: Javier has been away for a few days and asked you to wait for him, but you couldn't 

From the 200 Follower Prompt list! @outlawjasontodd requested: "Someone's been bad"

Warnings: masturbation (f), unprotected sex (don't be silly, wrap your willy), overstimulation, lite cockwarming, voyeurism, lil' bit of praise, established Javi/reader

Author’s Note: I really don’t have one for this; this might be one of my top favorite things I’ve written...enjoy loves, stay well ~

Your hands were flying against your clit, eagerly chasing your release while you thought of Javier before he left on his most recent mission to Medellín. 

You were laying together in bed, tongues exploring each other, hands searching for pleasure points, breathing each other's air. The world had paused for a moment when Javier finally got home that night, elated that he finally got out of the Embassy and back to where he belonged. Back with you. 

He rolled on top of you while he covered your skin in kisses, tongue tasting every inch of skin he could get to. Your neck and chest were marked everywhere, his teeth having nipped into your body. He never was the type to take any prisoners. 

You moaned for him, calling out his name, begging him to take you to your favorite place. He smiled against your skin, fisting himself in his hand while he lined up to your entrance. You cried out as he slowly pushed into you, wrapping your legs around his waist, urging him deeper into your body. 

"You're going to come again," Javier whispered into your ear and you eagerly nodded in agreement. You had lost count of how many times he made you fall apart that night, and you didn't particularly care. You would break for him a thousand times over, spurred on by the fact that it was him that would always put you back together. 

You shook underneath him, crying out as your release crested, digging your nails so hard into his back you thought for sure you would leave scars. "So good for me," he grunted, thrusting into you harder. Faster. Deeper than before. 

In mere minutes he had you spasming around his cock again, walls clenching around every ridge of his cock as he thrust against your upper wall, pulling you closer to yet another release. "Fuck," you moaned, tears beginning to form in the corners of your eyes, "I'm gonna- Javi." 

Javier continued to rut into your dripping pussy, savoring how tightly you held onto him. He knew he would be away for at least a few days this time, and he wanted you to feel the ghost of him on your body until he got back. He wanted that ache in your thighs, the soreness of your throat, for your clit to randomly swell with pleasure as you remembered why you felt that way; he wanted it all. You wanted it too. 

His release was close; tears were streaming down your cheeks as his hips faltered against yours, the rhythm far less steady but just as intense. "Javi," you moaned, while your name tumbled out of his lips every time he thrust his cock into you. 

When he came, he came hard, coating your walls while you clenched around him. You fell apart one last time, sobbing out his name while your hand twisted into his hair, vision overcome with starry whiteness as you lost all sense of coherence underneath his body. 

He held you close after that, not letting his cock escape from you. "Let me stay here as long as I can," he had pleaded and you happily agreed, knowing you would be craving this closeness until he came back. 'If' was never an option. 

He rolled to pull you on top of him, letting you rest across his chest. He kissed the crown of your head and traced his fingers down your spine until your breathing became steady, sleeping soundly with his cock still buried inside of you. 

You were moaning now, the memory etched into your brain as fiercely as that burn in your thighs. He had been gone almost a week and you had no idea when he would be back; you just knew it wasn't soon enough. 

You were supposed to wait for him, wait for him to come home to bring you back up to your peak, but you just couldn't. You had been stuck at your desk all day, thinking of his hands wandering, feeling the last remnants of ache through your body. You needed a release, you were so desperate, and it would be so fast he would never know.

The sound of his throat clearing forced your eyes open and you gasped, stopping your movements completely. "Oh, don't stop on my account," he smirked at you, the bulge in his jeans betraying how hard he was from watching you. 

You swallowed, knowing you hadn't listened to what he asked. "Someone's been bad," he tutted, moving into your shared room to stand at the foot of the bed; "don't make it worse by not listening now." 

You dropped your head back into the pillows, stretching out your legs and putting yourself on display for him. You teased your clit and thrust your fingers into your aching pussy, eagerly chasing the release you were seconds away from. When you finally hit your peak you yelled his name, panting heavily as you withdrew your hands from your core. 

He had a sinister look on his face as he stalked around the corner of the bed, catching your ankle in one hand to rub slow circles into your flesh. 

"It's going to be a long night, mija." 

[embarrassingsmartphonegame]

Moving In - Nik Ryder x f!MC

Summary: “You know, most people exchange phone numbers before they move in with together.” “Most people also haven’t been brought together by fighting a murderous bag of bones. Also you already have it...” “Wait what?!” Leah moves in with Nik officially after Chapter 5 of Anything. It goes exactly as expected.

All the links for Anything: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 (final chapter) | Scared To Live (interlude from Nik’s POV)

Warnings: two people who bicker almost as much as they love each other, some swear words, kissing, mention of trauma and alcohol, overall pretty light-hearted

“How-” Push. “Much-” Push. “Clothing-” Push. “Do you own?!”

Nik liked to think of himself as physically strong (and he would say he had the abs to prove it). But just how can one box of clothes be so heavy? He was huffing and puffing the entire walk from the moving truck and into the Graveyard Shift, especially when they had to go up a flight of stairs to get to his--no, their apartment.

“I own a normal amount of clothes. Maybe you just need to work out more,” Leah teased as she put down her own box effortlessly on the floor of the living room, stopping to stretch her arms over her head. She had to admit her Fae power of super strength came in handy sometimes and she was thankful that she was now able to summon it even when it wasn’t an emergency.

He snorted. “Chasing monsters keeps me plenty fit, thank you very much. But you sure do own a lot of clothes for someone who loses them like you do.”

Her cheeks burned at the memory of their reunion. “I had to prove it was me!”

“That was really your first instinct?!”

“You complaining about that?”

Nik chuckled and pulled her by the waist, nuzzling her neck. “You know I would never, darlin’.”

Leah rolled her eyes and pecked him on the lips. “I come back and agree to be with you and since then it’s been ‘rook’ or ‘babe’ or ‘sugar’ and now ‘darlin’’. Is that why you’re called Nik...because you’re a...nickname type of guy?”

“Shit, rook; was just tryin’ to be romantic here,” Nik groaned as she laughed a little too hard at her own joke. Any exasperation instantly dissipated once he heard her laugh; he missed it the past three months. She kissed him again, enjoying every moment.

“I know. I just love teasing you.”

“Lil’ shit.”

“Ah, another one, Mr. Nic--hey!” Leah shouted out as Nik suddenly wrapped her up in a bear hug, swinging her around. Her shouts soon turned into laughter, and soon the small apartment was filled with the sound of both of them laughing. 

Nik finally put her down on the counter with his hands still on her hips. She rested her forehead against his, still in slight disbelief that she was moving in with him. It was only one week before that she crash landed back into his life, and after they talked things out and survived yet another attempt on their lives (he owed her his life...again), she decided to move to New Orleans for good. 

The thought of it as their apartment still felt weird to them both; but it was his idea for her to move in with him. Nik remembered giving some half-assed excuse about them being both business and personal partners so it only made sense financially...he ignored that dark voice in his head irrationally sneering at him that if he took his eyes off her for even one second she would disappear again. Leah agreed with his staunch assessment, if only to curb the fear that this was all another weird (but wonderful) dream and she was actually alone in Wyoming. She frowned at the thought of her old life. Nik noticed the pensive look on her face.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

The corner of her right lip quirked upwards without amusement as she shrugged. “Are you sure it’s okay for me to move in? After I’ve been probably the biggest pain in the ass since we met a few months ago?”

“First of all, it was my idea for you to move in; no offense but we’re technically unemployed until a client hires us and I’m in a better position from whoever hired me to protect you,” Nik answered, actually hoping that his honesty wasn’t too offensive. “And second, you’re a pain in the ass...but you’re my pain in the ass and you had your reasons for everything. I love you just the same, okay? So no saying you can’t live here unless you really don’t wanna.”

“I do have student loans to pay off...” Leah grinned. “Gotta love your definition of romance, babe. This pain in the ass loves you too!”

Satisfied and sneaking in one last kiss, the woman jumped off the counter. She tied her hair and rolled her sleeves up. “Now let’s get unpacking!”

.

After a few hours of them unpacking Leah’s things, bickering, and randomly making out (“We’re never gonna get anything done like this, rook!”), the two Nighthunters stood in their now shared bedroom, about to finish up. Nik took out the last piece of clothing: a very familiar velvet, royal purple dress with a gold body chain to go with it. He held it up to her, brow quirked mischievously.

“Any chance I could see you in this again?”

Leah collapsed the last box and put it in the pile with all the others. Her eyes moved to the dress that cost more than half her wardrobe. “Still can’t believe you picked that one out. If we sneak into Persephone again, maybe...”

“How about on a date? A real one.”

“You asking me out, Ryder?”

“What’s it look like, Mendoza?”

She couldn’t help the silly grin on her face, as if she was suddenly a teenage girl talking to her crush for the first time. “I accept. Would this be technically our first date? Because I don’t know whether to count us running from the Bloodwraith...”

“Yes, a real date, rook. But no promises that monsters won’t try to attack us or anything, sorry,” Nik responded, hanging the dress up in their shared closet space. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She smiled brightly and took a seat on the bed. “We’re really doing this backwards, huh? You know, most people exchange phone numbers before they move in together.”

“Most people also haven’t been brought together by fighting a murderous bag of bones.” Nik turned to her and sheepishly scratched the back of his head. “Also you already have it...”

“Wait what?!”

Nik took a deep breath before speaking again. “First, I wanna say I’m so sorry for this; I shouldn’t have contacted you when it was clear you didn’t wanna talk to me. Katherine offered me your number one night after I asked about you and I wanted to be selfish and take it.”

“So...you called me while I was gone?” Leah asked, her eyebrows coming together in confusion. “But I don’t remember you calling...I mean I had dreams you did a few times, but those weren’t real.”

“Well, one of them wasn’t a dream,” Nik went on. “It was nighttime and you picked up the phone slurrin’ drunk. I remember asking if you were safe, and you said you were home.”

Leah’s cheeks burned and she put her head in her hands. “Oh my God...I really don’t remember anything from that conversation. This is so embarrassing! You must’ve thought I was such an idiot!”

“No, you have nothing to be ashamed of, rook.” Nik cautiously sidled up beside her, resting a hand on the small of her back. “I’m so sorry I didn’t respect your wishes. I’m the wrong one here.”

Leah didn’t pull away, but she also couldn’t look at him. She tried to remember anything from the past three months that didn’t involve alcohol; she could count them all on one hand. “I...I really had a problem. I have a problem. I know that moving and being in a relationship won’t fix everything, but it’s hitting me that I need real help.”

“And I’m with you every step of the way.” He pulled her into a hug, letting her rest her face into his shoulder. “I meant it when I said that I’m with you...”

“To the bitter end,” Leah finished, her voice breaking at the last word. Nik tightened his hold on her, an aching in his chest as he remembered that he once kept that promise; but he never anticipated it to be her bitter end. He closed his eyes and relished in the warmth of her body against his, blocking out the memory of her cold, pale skin and still heart. Eventually he loosened his hold and tilted her chin up to look into her eyes.

“All the ragged parts of me...stitched back together when I’m with you,” he murmured only for her to hear. “I only want the same for you.”

Leah pulled him in for a warm, tender kiss. When they pulled away, a serene smile graced her features; Nik could swear there was something magical about her smile. 

“I love you, and I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings us,” she said, her voice strong and hopeful. Leah could feel her sunny disposition returning day by day, and it showed.

“I love you too, rook.” Nik pulled her to lie down beside him, their fingers intertwined. “What do you wanna do tonight? No jobs. We can go out or stay in, and I promise no snake tequila for either of us.”

Leah snorted and sprang up. “I say we stay in tonight in our apartment. Takeout?”

“You read my mind.”

“And there’s a reality show I’ve been meaning to catch up on...” Leah was already making her way to the living room while Nik followed. She babbled on about how it was a show where an American and a foreigner have to get married within 90 days for a special visa and that itself is, of course, where the drama begins and this season was especially dramatic and blah, blah, blah. Nik snorted at how invested she was in the show while they looked at food places. 

The two Nighthunters spent the entire night snuggled up on their couch, talking and eating and canoodling. Leah sighed in satisfaction as sleep eventually took over them, her head resting on Nik’s chest. She finally felt like her life was going somewhere, and all that mattered was that they were in it together.

================================================

A/N: I hope you like yet another fic of me refusing to let these two go onto the next installment just yet! Okay in reality I’ve been writing the first chapter of that and am almost done but med school got weird and my mental health took a dive and COVID-19 happened and blah, blah, blah. Bonus points if you know exactly what reality show Leah is talking about! Any and all comments are greatly appreciated, and I hope you’re all staying safe and healthy 💗

Permanent tag list: @furiouscloddonutpeanut​ @inlovewithrebels​ @mistressofspiesxenia​

Nightbound tag list: @saivilo​ 

Anything tag list: @samara-rani​ @god-save-the-keen​ @xxdangerouscapri15xx 

[rynhaswritersblock]

tiktok famous (hc) - part two | p.p.

summary: a whole bunch of dif tiktoks featuring you and bae peter

warnings: chaotic energy, cussing, and BUTTERFLIES

+ + +

- i'm backkkkkkkkk

- so y'all really enjoyed the last tiktok imagine

- and you wanted another

- SO HERE WE GO BABYYYYYYYYY!!

- so basically....

- (just enjoy it)

- i got a lot of tiktok related comments and requests and i hope i remember them all

- (big boobs? whew chile) ANYWAYS SO:

- like pretty much none of them link together so this hc is going to be split into sections of like... blurbs!!

- yayayayayaya

- this one is inspired by @drecming

- so i think most of us know this very special sound..

- ...

- CAN'T TAKE BIG DICK BUT I SUCK ON IT

- y eah

- so as per usual

- you and peter b chillin

- they really do b vibin doe

- OH BY THE WAY

- y'all are dating in this situation :)))))))))

- and as you're binge watching your favorite show you can't stop doing the hand motions to that friggin dance

- aka the epidemic of generation z

- i keep doing the sugar by brockhampton dance i literally can't stop it's fine

- and thank god peter somehow doesn't notice

- like your movements are so subtle but you deadass keep doing it like once per minute

- and so you get up

- like "fuck this, man. if it's stuck in my head i'm at least gonna make a tiktok"

- and so you set it up

- peter's still on the couch in the background

- this boy STILL doesn't really notice what you're doing

- to be fair hsmtmts is a very enticing show ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- but as soon as the audio plays peter recognizes it

- his head WHIPS over to you

can't take big dick but i suck on it

- he raises an eyebrow at you

i ain't fucking with the pussy, got a bump on it

- *eyebrow raise intensifies*

bad bitch put the pussy on me (on me)

- he sits up, watching as your hips roll (oh man)

whip out my dick then i hump on it

- he slightly cringes at the lyrics me too peter

i'm a bad ass bitch, what you lookin at?

- your butt

ima throw that-

- "oH NO YOU DON'T!" he yells, slight smile on his face as he swiftly shoots a web at you, the string wrapping around your waist and spinning you to him

- the song continues to play as you snort, wheezing as he balances you

- the video finishes and you raise your eyebrows at him

- "no throwing it back on camera," he says pointedly

- you tilt your head in a way that screams peter i love you but you and i both know that i can do what i wanna do and over-protectiveness can be toxic

- he sighs

- "okay, you can, but i'd like it better if it were just for me"

...

- HAHAHAHA

- okay NEXT ONE

- this next one is inspired by @ritxal

- in this one you can choose your relationship

- so peter is a natural born softboy

- he didn't choose the softboy life, the softboy life chose him

- but here's the thing

- it was friday night

- you were bored

- and you decided

- it was time for a change

- and so you approached the man

- who happened to be upside down

- because when is he not

- and, ignoring his protests, gave him an e-boy makeover

- poor peter was decked the fuck out

- striped long sleeve

- band tee

- black ripped jeans wITH THE CHAIN

- nike socks and af1s

- beanie

- and most importantly

- black nails and a little black heart under his left eye

- just picture it p lease

- and it his transformation was posted on your account to forever embarrass him

- and you lowkey found this look a lil wee bit ATTRACTIVE

- whatever

- okey this one's for you @lilmissquackson !!!!!!!

- y'all ever seen the without me (halsey) ones??

- ye

- even if you haven't you'll still get it lol

- so you're in class

- learning about sokovia because history and shit

- and, bored as hecc, you decide to whip out your phone and copy this video you'd seen

- you begin filming and place your right hand on top of peter's left (yay classmates!! sitting next to each other WHOOP!)

- his gaze is hard on his paper as he continues to scribble down notes

- you turn the camera to him for a bit and you're like yes perfect

- and then you return the camera and pull your hand away

- and he REACHES OVER AND TAKES YOUR HAND BACK

- AND YOU'RE LIKE  Y E S

- IT WORKED OUT

- PLUS HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW AND HE'S SO CUTE

- you put the phone down, smiling, adjusting your hand a little before you realize you can't take notes anymore because your hand is occupied and using your left hand just aint it period (a/n: im so sorry if any of y'all are left handed lol but pretend y'all are in opposite positions so he has your left hand haha)

- and it's then that he looks at you

- and if his eyes don't make you MELT

- okay i'm sorry that last one was mediocre but you get the point

- alright so like in this process of writing this i've been struggling a bit with details and stuff and making it sound good and funny so they're gonna be short and sweet bc i literally don't know What To Do :)))))))))))))))))

- back to your regularly scheduled programming hell yeah

- this one's for you, @drecming

- back at it again with the ideas!!!! fuck yes!!!

- okay SO

- you seen those "i'm on my savage shit" ones?

- where the guys hand is on the girl's thigh (OR IF YOU'RE A DUDE READING THIS JUST STILL IMAGINE YOUR OWN LEG I TRY TO KEEP THIS GENDER NEUTRAL BUT I FORGET AND PLUS RN IM JUST EXPLAINING THE TIKTOK KJSDBVIBUV) and then she pulls her leg away and the music is like

iM oN mY sAvAgE sHiT

- anyways

- peter's hand is just vibing on your leg

- for you dirty minded folks no it's not vibrating or doing all that janky shit we're children of god here

- says the one who just said the s word OOPS

- and you, as per usual, pull up the sound and start recording

- peter hears the music and is like Huh????

- and then you pull your leg away, grinning at him cheekily before he grabs you, phone flying out of your hand and he pulls you into his lap

"my thigh"

- you give him a look like excuse me sir hUh

- and his face is just like

0_0

- before he smiles at you and laughs and says he's kidding

- but then he stops laughing

...

- and raises an eyebrow

- WOAHHHHHHHH SPICY

- zooooweeeeemamaaaaaaa

- aight moving on

- THE NEXT ONES ARE INSPIRED BY YOURS TRULY!! YAY ME FOR HAVING IDEAS FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE!!!!

- so i'm sure you and like everyone @ your school (if you're in school.. lol) is familiar with this one

- i'm just gonna let y'all experience it idk why i've been telling the tiktok before idek sajbsidvb

- so you're in class right

- doing nothing bc your teacher sucks :////

- but its fine bc it's a fun class

- so you set up your phone with you and peter in the screen and start recording

- peter looks at the phone and then you, confused

"hey, stop!" you say in a whiny voice

- mans is like Uhhhhh what did i Do

"stop! omg peter sTop!" you're smiling at him

- he's so confused

- and then as you're talking

- your voice suddenly lowers into your lower register

"stop!! peter stop it- I SAID STOP."

- his eyes widen and a confused smile is on his face as he jumps back slightly

"YOU KEEP PLAYING *smacks your hand on the table* TOO DAMN MUCH."

- the video stops and you and peter are just silent for a second before busting out laughing

"you've never seen those?"

"no????"

"god peter, you live under a rock"

- the duck walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand: hey! bonk bonk bonk got any grapes?

- sorry i randomly thought of that

- okay NEXT

- this is the one that hits different

- gets you in your FEELS

- DAMN

- we all know peter's a gamerboy

- so he's just chilling playing minecraft on the xbox or something

- what a fuckin nerd

- jk minecraft slaps so hard

- anyways

- as per usual, you set up the camera and start filming

- and you

- i think you know what i'm talkin about

- you slip underneath his arms

- and start crawling into his lap

- and the SECOND he registers what's going on he fucking YEETS the controller behind him and wraps his arms around you

- and when i say yeets

- i mean like

- ZOOM

- you bury your arm in the crook of his neck and you feel him physically relax under you (heartbeat racing though of course) and hold you tighter, planting gentle kisses along your neck and shoulder

- ..

- god FUCK talk about B U T T E R F L I E S

- y'all are going to HATE ME for this one

- prepare yourselves

- so you guys are just chilling in peters room as y'all normally do

- and peter goes to the bathroom

- and like stupid adorable fuck he is

- mans left his phone on silly goose

- and of course

- we all know you can't help yourself

- so like a NORMAL HUMAN BEING

- you decide to snatch it and go look at his tiktok drafts, god knows why

- and the first one you tap

- WHEW CHILE

- your jaw drops to the floor as soon as you read the text on the video

"so apparently when a guy's chain dangles it's attractive..?"

- heart skips a beat

- hands are sweaty

- knees spaghetti

- you look up to make sure the bathroom door is still shut before you whip out your phone and start videoing

- peter is looking nervously cute into the camera before he leans out of shot,

- you know what's next

- and right as the beat drops

- he shows up, SHIRTLESS, with his cross necklace (you've only seen him wear once lmao) dangling down

- not to mention the goddamn CURLS hanging down

- and your heartbeat quickens

- ... both heartbeats...

- then fucking PETER JUST STROLLS INTO THE ROOM

- ALL INNOCENT N SHIT AS IF HE DIDN'T HAVE A VIDEO ON HIS PHONE THAT LITERALLY MADE YOU READY TO RISK IT ALL

- "why do you have my phone?"

- you've never slammed it onto the bed so fast

- "no reason"

- he raises a suspicious eyebrow before picking up his phone and unlocking it

- and the fear in his eyes when the screen opens to his video

- he looks back up at you, mouth slightly open in fear/awe/ohshitohgodohFUCK

- and you and your goddamn mouth-

- "peter, it's hot"

- and oh how the look in his eyes changed

😈

+ + +

until next time <3

[neokollection]

NSFW A - Z ㅡ Kun

Taeil  -  Johnny  -  Taeyong  -  Yuta  -  Kun  -  Doyoung  -  Jungwoo  -  Lucas

A/N: Mark is next on the list so stop bugging me about him-

A - Aftercare

You already knowwwwwwwwwwwww Mr. Qian Kun comes in first place when it comes to aftercare! He really takes care of his babe because it’s just his sense of duty in and out of the bedroom. He cleans up any mess he may have made on you or goes to the bathroom to discard his condom [bc safe sex] and uses a wet wipe or something to wipe himself down- Plus he puts back on his boxers or sweats as so he can climb back into bed with you and make sure he doesn’t get anything anywhere. He’ll have one knee back on the bed before he asks if you want anything- He also is a lil bit of a nagger for you to take care of yourself after, like coaxing you to go to the bathroom instead of falling asleep. Ready to start a shower for you or pamper you with snuggles. The rest of the day/night he’s abnormally clingy and naggy and touchy.

B - Body Part [ their favorite body part on their s/o and/or on them ]

On his S/O..... He seems like a thigh kind of guy. REALLY INTO things like garter belts, thigh highs, fishnet, etc... He can appreciate them with and without clothes on- He enjoys just casually running his hands up the backs of them when you walk around in just a hoodie and shorts, letting his fingertips slip beneath the hem of your shorts a lil bit before giving your thighs a squeeze. On himself... He has a lot of good traits, but he knows his smile kills and blinds. It’s not sexual, but I’m sure on a sexual aspect he like his teeth and the effect they have on you when used the right way.

C - Cum

He seems artistic to me and one to take special pride in his paintings. Okay, he’s not doing it for aesthetics obviously, but I think cum has a very significant symbolism to him. When it’s on you it’s a symbol of his, you’re his and he’s e only one who gets to do this to you- When it’s on the sheets on his hands it’s a symbol of what you do to him, because he definitely was thinking about your mouth around him when he was wanking off- He’s a good caretaker tho in that he’ll always clean up pretty quickly after and won’t ever ask to do something he deems too messy like on your face or hair-

D - Dirty Secret

He’s so kind and caring, but there’s a part of him that’s a tad sadistic... He may not even be aware of it himself and it may just come out occasionally in small things he does when he becomes a little rougher- Pulling your hair harder than he should, shoving you to the bed unceremoniously with his playful little smile, purposefully overstimulating you sometimes while he grits his teeth. You’d just kind of wait for the day when he lets it out and is rougher- It’s exciting, but also a little scary to be honest. Maybe he knows he has the small sadistic desire in him and keeps it on a leash, but has the most unholy thoughts to himself in the shower...

E - Experience [ how experienced they are ]

He’s really hard to read.... He’s got experience I feel, but he can always learn more-

F - Favorite Position

Um I don’t know what it’s called? Maybe lotus position??? When the two of you are sitting upright and your facing him in his lap. Sometimes he’ll be leaning against the headboard or back of the sofa and sometimes hunched forward just hugging you. It’s a very intimate position since the two of you can face each other and have skin contact literally everywhere/

G - Goofy

In the beginning defo is flirty and a little silly by teasing, but as time progresses through the night he def becomes a lot more passionate and focused.

H - Hair [ how well they manscape ]

I have no clue. Not that much? Unless it’s rlllllly unruly.

I - Intimacy [ romance-wise ]

Super romantic. Nothing is too good for you in his eyes~ If you want it, he’ll go the full 9 yards and bring wine, roses, and dim the lights. Physical intimacy is something

J - Jack Off

I feel like not that often? Like I think he usually has soft thoughts about his S/O [unless you’re being naughty...]. In his case I think it’s more like he gets boners kinda randomly, from exercising or something that has his cardio up.. And when he takes care of it because it just won’t let him ignore it, he thinks of the last time you two were intimate. 

K - Kink

Lingerie doesn’t count as a kink, right?? He’s into some common-place roleplays like police or teacher, but always ends up laughing anyway... A lil bit of sadism so if you invite him to choke you or be rough he’s thanking the heavens bc he couldn’t suggest it himself. Marking and being marked- He acts like it’s a pain to cover them up, but he enjoys it immensely.

L - Location [ their favorite place to have sex ]

Bed But in the back of a car is hot too

M - Motivation [ turn-ons ]

Anything sexual lmao, When he hasn’t seen you in a while, Revealing clothes/ short skirts, yoga pants, v-cut shirts, shoulder-less, etc... When you let your hands linger on him .05 seconds longer than necessary, even on his shoulders- he starts craving more skinship

N - NO [ turn-offs ]

No one else can join or watch And nothing too odd like weird roleplays or costumes, he couldn’t stop himself from laughing/

O - Oral

Feels a little bad asking for it from you because he doesn’t want to burden you and/or feels like females don’t actually enjoy it and just put on an act--- Plus he’s more of a giver anyway- But when he does receive he’s such a mess. He can’t keep down his voice or his little moans that slip out- It’s just otherworldly. He’s pretty good about not bucking his hips or grabbing your hair tho and instead grabs whatever else is around him. When giving oh man- He’s a tease at first, asking you if you like it and wanting you to spell out what you like because you’re cute when flustered with vulgar words. Definitely adds in fingers too and overstimulates you in the end accidentally just trying to prolong your orgasm. I mean when he eats out he eats out yo

P - Pace

Two modes; He can be sensual and slow when he first gets in you- But I think eventually he ends up picking up a pretty steady pace. Stroke game A+ Skin slaps before he starts to slow it down again and prolly kiss and murmur things before he picks up again.

Q - Quickies

Not really his thing. The idea of them is hot and imagining lifting up your dress and fucking in the back of Lucas’ closet is hot, but when it comes to practicality he’s not into it. It can stay as a fantasy for him. He doesn’t want to feel rushed. He wants to convey all of his feelings and take his time feeling you up and the sensations you give him. Plus he’d be a bussy about getting caught tbh.... He doesn’t want anyone other than himself to see you like that and doesn’t want to feel embarrassed either. So, even if your tugging on his belt loop with needy eyes, he’ll transfer your hand into his own with a soft smile and whisper ‘later’.

R - Risk [ comfort zone ]

I mean I kinda just detailed some of it. He’s not very risky when it comes to doing it in public- Nor does he like introducing other ppl to it- He like it to be in an environment he knows with just you so he can focus and not worry about someone walking in.

S - Stamina [ another round? ]

Nahh?? But maybe some days

T - Toy [ their favorite toys ]

I don’t see him as a toy kinda guy But maybe something like a vibrator he’d have fun with.

U - Unfair [ how they enjoy teasing & being teased ]

So teasing in his words... He tries to make you flustered or admit to something so it gives him the upper hand and he can chuckle at you. Doesn’t seem like one to tease much physically and rather would give you exactly what you want so much so you’d want him to chill- I don’t think he’d stand for being teased much, so good luck with that

V - Volume

Dude Kinda noisy--- He makes all kinds of sounds on the spectrum and can’t seem to keep himself quiet in most cases when he should be. Heavy breathing too that’s right in your ear or against your shoulder. The quiet thing about him is his voice, he keeps it low and quiet, as if he’d ruin the atmosphere by talking any louder. Usually, when it’s just the two of you he doesn’t mind being more vocal and stops trying to quiet himself.

W - Wild Card [ authors choice ]

He has no qualms with experimenting.. But, I think he’d be more open to letting you experiment with/on him than suggesting his own ideas. He’s down for mostly anything as long as it’s with you and him and physical contact- So if you wanna climb on top, be his guest- If you want him to call you a slut will do. He likes seeing where your imagination can go and with it usually brings a new sensation he enjoys. No kink shame here, as long as you’re not in the oddity realm of like furries and stuff

X - X-Ray [ what kind of package ]

Thicc

Y - Yearning [ sex drive ]

Not that crazy high- He keeps it under wraps a lot of times, but he is still a pervert,,, making suggestive remarks and getting a hit on the shoulder in return, but usually it doesn’t lead to anything happening. But like... he’s easy in that if you’re ever in the mood he becomes too.

Z - Zzz [ after ]

Whale, like we said earlier, he takes care of you after the fact, so he’s usually up after a minute of recuperating. I feel like he’d be active after still, he seems like a busy-body... Unless it’s like 3am.. then he climbs back into bed and just holds you and share murmurs. If you’re talkative he is too, but if you’re tired, he’ll let you rest and thus rest himself.

[seenashwrite]

Dearest Nash, I've touched on this before in (I believe) in a discussion re: why some mainstream fics get oodles of notes while more original ones do not, *but* I wanted to get a bit more specific here. There are certain writers here whose writing has a definite vibe to it (if you will) that separates their work from others, and your name is one of the first that comes to mind. Bear with me, because trying to detail what makes your writing stand out is difficult while trying to articulate a Q

^ this is a gif with parts 2 - 4, just FYI

Hmmm… this is a bit of a brain buster. But I can answer it, and I think succinctly, maybe with a touch of that Spidey sense you mention:

Thank you for your inquiry, hope that helps! 

I kid. But this is a brain-turner. And a characteristic which, like you say, ain’t limited to me. I’d honestly throw comedians under this umbrella, too, not because I’m necessarily gunning for a laugh every time, but because it’s pretty much their job to take a “basic” (a tenet or fact of life or present reality or whatever) and present the observation with a twist. I think of storyteller comedians specifically, your Patton Oswalt-s, Maria Bamford-s, Kathy Griffin-s, and John Mulaney-s.

So if I can sum up, assuming I’m tracking with you, what you’re more or less driving at with the “how” is this –> Is there anything beyond simply personality, or an auto-pilot thought cascade (for lack of better terminology) that contributes? Are there things someone could do/be proactive about, to perhaps cause this same sort of reaction to happen in their brain?

I think there just might be.

Folks reading this, let me ask you a question, and you cannot look it up:

What was the name of the Sherpa guide who led Sir Edmund Hillary up Mount Everest?

.

.

.

His name was Tenzing Norgay.

Nash, what in the name of the frozen corpse of George Mallory does this have to do with Lion’s question?

I shall tell you.

My father told me that fact when I was quite young, so young I legit couldn’t even ballpark my age for you. The context was that having little facts tucked away in your brain may come in handy. Not in a Jeopardy kind of way, more in a conversational way. I’ve no idea why the man thought the Sherpa guide who led Hillary up Mt. Everest would ever come up during a conversation with enough regularity to justify my knowing that fact (aside from him randomly quizzing me throughout my life) but hey, I guess it just did.

But speaking of Lil’ Nash, the situation for her was that she was the eldest of all the Nash litter by miles… like seven or eight years, I’m not bothering to check. So I had a lot of alone time, and my grandmother was my chief babysitter, so prior to kindergarten and then til I was in about second grade (so: all day long during the week, then every weekday after she picked me up from school), I was pretty much always at her house. Yeah, there were toys, but not a lot to do. And I’d read. I’d been reading on my own for a decent while, not because I was some prodigy but because my dad read to me *constantly* when Lil’ Nash was Itty-Bitty Nash, and it “took”. My mom also, every time she went to the grocery store always - and I mean always - brought back a book for me. It might’ve been an Archie comic—-

Mandatory #fuck the CW’s Riverdale tag

—-or a Babysitter’s Club, or Sweet Valley High, Judy Blume, Madeleine L’Engle, Zilpha Keatley Snyder, you get my point. Some small paperback. It would piss Dad off because he’s a cheap bastard and two buck books once or twice a month were really gonna cut into the savings [eyeroll] but also, in a way, because I’d kill it in a half day/a day. Wouldn’t put it down. After awhile, I started writing my own silly little kid stories, then - and this is where the creative writing love came about -  I started writing soap operas for my Barbies. (When I was older - like, 5th grade? 6th grade, maybe? - none of my peers were still playing with Barbies, and I got made fun of when, at a sleepover, they saw my stash. And I was like - No, no, no. Those aren’t for playing. That’s my cast.)

Time went on, and when I was bored at post-church lunch/dinners, I would also read the old encyclopedias at my grandmother’s, the ones from the late ‘60s/early ‘70s that she had for my mom and my aunt. As I got even older and became fascinated with rooting through the boxes in gran’s basement, looking at all the cool old clothes, I stumbled upon my aunt’s collection of Whoa-Hooooo Shit There’s No Way My Grandparents Knew You Read These books. Those kinda Harlequin-esque ones, except my aunt’s tastes run close to mine, none were the same shtick with different covers, shmultzy-sappy romance, there was always some sort of intrigue along with the sexy times, and she also had, like, every legit V. C. Andrews (meaning: not the ones from the ghostwriter, this was way before her death) book.

What is my point? I read a LOT. Now-a-days, other than fanfic (which… straight up: I don’t read a lot of that, either. I peace out on probs 80% of it before the third-to-fifth paragraph. It’s gotta sell me fast, yo) I haven’t read fiction in probably, oh…. 12 years? I think the last ones were the first couple Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Wait, no! I lie! I read the 50 Shades books when I was traveling 2x/wk for a job about 4 years ago, and I needed the laughs. It worked. Oh my days, that woman can’t write. The screenplay might’ve been worse, it goes her, then Buckleming, then everyone else. It’s bad. In any event, past decade or so, it’s more historical stuff and true crime and science stuff and all that old fart jazz.

Okay, so that’s #1: Read. And not just anything, be well-read, and that doesn’t mean developing some level of expertise, by “well” I’m saying to cover the spread. You’re building your tool kit, is all. You won’t use most of it, but it’s nice to have options. You also don’t always have to get this stuff from reading now-a-days, because podcasts. Cover the spread there, too. Lemme look at my bookmarks…. 

[Spongebob narrator voice: A few moments later]

I’m back. Science - Skeptic’s Guide to the Universe; General current stuff without being news - CGP Grey’s Hello Internet; current events with shittons of pop culture, past and present - Greg Proops’ Smartest Man in the World; fun history stuff - The Dollop; entertainment stuff - How Did This Get Made.

#2: Keep a notebook with you and jot down turns-of-phrase that spark something in your brain - things you read on websites, on twitter, in articles, things you hear people say (real life, TV, movies, podcasts), and write it. Don’t snap a pic with your phone or make a note in your phone. There are studies behind this, I’m not hunting them down, you’ll just have to trust me, but there are, and it goes to being reflexive, a brain “muscle memory” thing, if you will. You’re not doing it to plagiarize, you’re doing it to dissect it, kind’ve like you did with the example you gave on me —> went from punch action to punch spiked with booze to a punch with a spiked gauntlet.

Which leads to #3: Mental dictionary. I have a large vocab repository, and it stems from the tons of reading - I stop and look up stuff if I either don’t know it, or it’s used in such a way that I think they’ve got it wrong and want to double-check that maybe there’s another usage I don’t know - and also stems from a drive to combat the (still fairly thick) deep South drawl I can’t kick, and not for lack of trying. But see, I couldn’t have whipped out that progression if I weren’t aware that one definition of “spike” is “to add alcohol to”, or of the common shtick in stories of spiked punch like at high school proms typically, or knew about the existence of spiked gauntlets / old school armor. 

And I guarantee you that a good chunk of people didn’t really “get it”, and just thought “Nash Be Nashin’, that nutty gal”. So they “get it” on that level, but don’t Get. It., if you see what I’m saying. And that’s fine. Maybe it got something cranking in the back of their mind and it’ll hit ‘em in the middle of the night, or they’ll be watching Game of Thrones or something, see a gauntlet and be like “Oh goddamnit, I just got a throw-a-way one-liner from three years ago” and have a chuckle.

Related, re: looking stuff up and things that people “get”? I didn’t know fuck-all about Twilight, but it seemed of import to the folks around 5 years younger than me, the Nashlings wouldn’t shut up about it, so I got a good working knowledge of it. Same with Harry Potter, and through it I got to “know” J.K. Rowling, who I find to be an exceptional writer, so that was great, and I’ve watched the movies for the most part over the years at Christmastime, and I don’t give the first shit about what “house” I’m in, nor do I care about what Patronus I’d fart, but I have a working knowledge of what those are, and horcruxes and who Snape and Voldie are, you get my point. I can keep up. But to do it, I had to take the time to look it up. One thing I would not trade for gold is Michael Sheen chewing the goddamn scenery in that battle segment from the last Twilight movie. Have I watched the movie? No. But that scene is the shit. And that baby CGI is horrific on several subtle levels. And not-so-subtle. I’ve digressed.

Back to those notes: So if you’ve got these notes jotted, you might see something else and think “I feel like that could’ve been snappier…. why do I think that….” And you’ve got a resource at your disposal, that little notebook. Hell, jot that thing down - things you think could be done better. I have in many documents a highlight around chunks of scenes for my big dog story where it says in bold above or below “DO BETTER”. Meaning: there’s a better way to get from A to B, but I’m just not quite there yet. I’m pretty quick on the uptake and can crank out something snappy on the fly (like say, in CASPN chat or when banging out a short reply or thank you note) but there’s definitely times I gotta slap a DO BETTER on it and walk away til that snappy something-or-other light bulb goes off. 

Here’s a recent one where I backtracked, matter of fact - that noir spoof thing I wrote? Along with my co-writer, Moscato? There was a line that I couldn’t hit with a good zinger, so I just said moments were going by like a fat hamster on a wheel, which is cute, but not really grooving with the setting/the vibe. Less tipsy, when I was correcting some inelegant formatting and a misspelling [sigh], I went “Oh! Why didn’t this occur to me last night? Right. Wine.” So the line is now about moments dragging like a rolling donut with a copper on its tail. Get it? The cop’s a fat ass. The donut-cop stereotype.

…….Fine, it ain’t my best, but it fits better. Moving on.

And this leads nicely into #4, and a specific tip I can impart - assuming you’ve got a passable-to-high level of vocabulary in your tool belt, practice messing around with making nouns into verbs, and twisting random stuff into descriptors and using bizarre words/things in metaphors/analogies. Like, I say “adulting” quite a bit. Ali - @littlegreenplasticsoldier - I thiiiink was writing recently about Sam being drunk, and he’s a tall wobbly Jenga tower on his last Jenga. Going back to the noir, pulpy detective style, try messing with the whole “S/he was like a ___ that ____”. Add on to stuff that’s well known - He was like a dog with a bone, if the bone was a ____ and he was a ____ and we were in a ____. (I have *nothing* in mind to fill those blanks, by the way, feel free to twist it into sumpin’)

What else…. okay, here’s a #5: In drafts, let yourself wander, and see what kicks out. It can be fueled by silliness or anger, but I don’t reckon you’re gonna get the “snappy” you’re aiming for if you’re down in the dumps and going full-court-press angst. The best stuff, IMO, comes from the space in between goofy and pissed, and that is The Land Of Snark. You can always re-style it to bend more dry or wistful should you need to, certainly, depending on the situation.

Have a sample of a primo Nash Digression that was fueled by ire in a recap from Season 12 (episode 19). I had said - RE: the random inclusion of the character Joshua, which still pisses me off because they burned a character that held massive potential for future stuff as he’d been shown to be the only angel with direct access to Chuck, so, y’know, that could never come in handy, like ever again in the series, right? - the following.

Mandatory pre-emptive #fuck Dabb

[Spongebob narrator voice] A few moments later —> 

On god, I have no idea where that came from, and here’s where we go back to ol’ Spidey up there, because end of the day?

All that other stuff’s the foundation, sure, but there’s always gonna be the weird iggy, the thing that can’t be learned or taught, whatever the quirky synapse is that fires off in my/our brains. In my experience, it’s an ADD-ish sort of jam mixed with the Nostradamus effect. Meaning, (A) we’re at Level 10, rapid fire thought processing >50% of the time, and (B) throw out enough stuff for long enough, some of it’s going to stick. And I whiff it plenty. Multiple times in CASPN chat I’ve been like “Whoo, tough room” when something falls flat.

A specific example: @mrswhozeewhatsis - and I think you saw this, but anyone else seeing this may not have - gave probably the most fantastic analogy I’ve seen regarding the whole “getting it” thing, and while it was on the topic of meaty plots that get too far into the weeds (my specialty) and how it can lessen appeal to a broader audience, it still applies here. 

She said “Sometimes, when I’m reading something of yours, I feel like there’s a joke I’m missing. It’s like watching Spaceballs without having seen Star Wars.” I say that to say - nobody’s gonna land references that cover the spread 100% of the time. And, y’know, fine. I figure maybe it’ll prompt someone to do a quick google for - well, let’s use Spaceballs. Most folks will no doubt get the Star Wars part, but maybe not Spaceballs. Maybe they’ll check it out, find something they enjoy. Or learn a new word. Or get a brainstorm for a story. Who knows?

Last tip: Don’t actively mimic anyone’s style. Much fail. And I don’t only mean because if they’re on a social Venn diagram with you, would likely recognize themselves in your stuff——

Takes a moment to wave to the peeps still trying with me! #bless your hearts

—–but because it’s fucking hard. I did it broadly on the noir thing, that’s not a hard thing, to homage generalities, but the way I’m messing with doing this on that silly Princess Bride series? Purposefully styling it like Goldman? It’s good  challenging and all, and it is making it feel more in the groove with the book/movie, but I have to be in the right frame of mind or it’s like fingernails on a chalkboard, and when I have pushed it, then gone back, it’s sloggy, soggy garbage.

I say all that to say: it’s an amalgam of brain-wiring/personality, and world/life perspective(s), and knowledge acquired over time. The first just is; the second will evolve in myriad ways, maybe for the better, maybe for the worse; the last is the one where you/we have control, we can fill bucket after bucket of information, and the well won’t ever run dry.

Sorry this took so long. I kept adding and subtracting. This is the edited version, if you can believe it. Welcome to Nash Brain. 😉

[fuck-customers]

scandal - cliques and sex

**i really love my manager, he was the manager at my store about 3 years ago before i transferred, he then left and then came back about a month or so after i transferred. i've came to him with so many problems - both work related and personally due to various things such as the death of a family member, mental health and even because i wanted time off to do some silly uni assignment last minute. he let me leave 45 mins early one day because i looked upset - he's a gem. and its not just me that he does this shit for - its everyone. i get on with him personally as we have similar interests. he's a pretty good boss most of the time, and he's never been an asshole to me.**

this is kind of a fuck-managers, fuck co-workers thing but anyway my work has broke into proper scandal recently. 

ANYWAY, its highly likely my boss is fucking one of my co-workers, let's call her becky so i don't refer to her as "this girl" 24/7. shes 25, hes 30. 

it's a huuuge story and we basically need to speak about it all for it to all make sense. (and believe me this is the cut version) 

when my boss become the store manager for the second time, everyone was happy cos he's amazing but there was a lot of giggling like, "oh becky will be happy, she loves him" blah blah blah all that bullshit. anyway, she had a boyfriend at the time and he was in a pretty serious long term relationship. i never thought anything of it, cos he is a pretty man and he seemed to be her "type". 

flash forward to about a year later, late 2016, she gets promoted to keyholder. she did a lot of opening shifts - often with my boss. again, i see no problem with this. she's full time and she gets on with everyone. progression. good for her. 

but this is when shit gets nasty! she becomes friends with these two part time girls - obviously there's nothing wrong with this but they form a pretty brutal clique. they managed to get shifts together and just sorta stood and spoke for the whole shift, had their lunches together and did no work whilst hating on everyone else for not doing work, idk whatever. they have this whatsapp chat, where they added pretty much every girl apart from me, a girl we will call "sally" (who similarly, fucked our old supervisor but thats a different story and they date now so its not as bad), the xmas temps, the other full time girl and the mature student whose part time. i cared at first but i got over it pretty soon. 

becky became very nasty to sally, basically because sally seen through her shit and called her out for being a bitch. becky managed to turn most of the girls away from sally, apart from those not in the chat and one of the girls in the groupchat ("emily") who never contributed. sally spoke to my boss about it because she was feeling really shitty, and he just kinda swept it under the carpet - very not a him thing to do. sally couldnt take it and ended up quitting - which is a shame, because sally was probs my closest friend at work.

i spoke to sally about this at a later date when we met up and she said that when she opened with becky and the manager they ignored her and made her do stupid tasks whilst they did really minor jobs together. she said it reminded her of what her and her now boyfriend used to do at work. this opens my eyes a lil, and i noticed anytime i am working with them that they talk a lot, and go on lunch together - my boss normally takes his lunch alone when shes not in and he used to drive home and eat it with his girlfriend - or he'd sit in a cafe.  

jumping a little bit, i was on a shift and was on the phone to a manager of another store, he asked to speak to our manager, and i couldnt find him anywhere. when i finally find him i just hand him the phone, not saying anything because the store was really busy. it sinks in as i walk away from him that i caught him crying. he doesn't properly bring it up again but he asks me and a few other people "what would you do if you saw me crying" - i feel mega guilty but act as if i honestly didnt see, cause its awkward. idk if i mentioned it before but he has like major depression, possibly bipolar but hasnt confronted his doctor on this (i dunno how many people know this) and like, i think some things get to him. like if him and the area manager disagree, or if him and his girlfriend fell out or if he fucked something simple up. hes quite reserved during the xmas period, and very unlike himself. i mention this to a supervisor im very good friends with a few weeks later and they tells me that hes been having problems with his girlfriend and she got rid of their pet dog, for no apparent reason.

so thats...really shit.

at some point becky and her boyfriend break up, im not sure but i notice after a facebook stalk at the start of 2017. this is around the time my manager starts to act more like himself and work feels more normal.

and this is when shit gets more obvious and more weird. 

there's a shift im on with the manager, emily and one of the boys we work with. one of our other managers is getting married and my boss recommended him his friend to be the photographer. so we're all talking about weddings and getting married and children. when we ask our manager about this, he acts flakey and says he doesnt want to get married. its left there but im in with the same people (excluding boss) and becky the next day and the conversation picks up - becky says she really wants to get married but doubts it will happen because she'll "probably fall in love with someone who doesn't want to get married".

my boss starts using his phone on the shopfloor, snapchatting and texting, it gets to the point that our area manager BANS him from using his phone. myself and other staff members notice that he's snapchatting becky a lot. emily tells us when she went on a night out with "the girls" (from the groupchat) becky wasn't off her phone, snapchatting him with "the girls" but then hiding her phone and texting him when she thought nobody was looking. obviously, her little clique seen nothing wrong with this, or blindly ignored it but by this point emily was sick of her shit. 

we win a staff night out. long story short, they go off together for ages. 

another time, she goes over to his house (that he shares with his girlfriend) with the shitty excuse that he was gonna fix her laptop, cos "he can fix them". 

i hear from the same supervisor that told me before about his relationship problems that his girlfriend was looking for jobs in another city without really consulting him. so things are pretty bad. 

emily (bless her) left the groupchat after too many bitching sessions. they start targeting this poor younger gal at work that becky decides to randomly argue with on facebook. they all claim they dislike her because "theres just something about her". i think the gal knows that becky despises her for no apparent reason and is sick of it so she blocks her. they dont really work together anyway, so idk, its a bit drastic but i suppose its fair. emily defends her and leaves. the next day at work, she shows us the whatsapp chat. 

becky screenshots a conversation between her and boss that has statements like "tbh i only hired her because she was hot" and him making a meme of her. its HORRIBLE. its so out of character and weird. and it seems even more fishy that becky is stirring it by showing a large chunk of the work group. personally i feel like becky knows exactly what shes doing, idk, i feel like shes took advantage of the pretty good nature of our sometimes unstable manager and make him like this. i have no idea, i could be biased cos i really like him - he could be using her as a bit on the side, taking advantage of the fact she always had a crush on him.

someone tells other management about the whatsapp, cause y'no... its sick. and emily shows the other managers the picture, and they call him up on it. he seems to be pretty apologetic about it but idk. becky sends emily passive aggressive texts about the whole thing saying she trusted her and whatever blah blah blah... i dont care. its a lot of shit.

someone at my work calls my manager on the way he is with becky and apparently just breaks down into tears and says he left his girlfriend last night and slept in his car. about a week later, someone else calls him out on it and he says he knows he's "been a dick" and kinda ignores the confrontation. i think hes back in his house now, no idea about his girlfriend.

beckys girl posse dont know anything about it, or claim not to, not even the two who shes closest to. i go to the same uni as one of them and one day we meet for lunch, it comes into conversation and she says "well its not any of my business" i try and remain neutral and say if they are doing anything its not fair on either of them and she says: "no its not fair on becky if he doesnt want to date her and only wants to fuck her", goes bright red and changes the subject. 

a few days later, emilys brother who works in a takeaway where becky lives sees both becky and our manager ordering (emilys brother comes into our work a lot - just before the "how did he know who they were" bullshit). he tells emily, and says to her just to say that he saw him, apparently he went bright red about this and quizzed emily on when this was (obv because he knew he was getting caught in this scandal) but she said she wasnt sure. 

so, this week, becky and my manager were caught coming to work together, when they live in complete opposite directions of eachother. i think someones reporting him and i think becky might be transferring to another store.

this is all confusing and a clusterfuck but it feels like something that would happen in a soap opera and its something that i thought i should share.

if there's any updates on either

- the clique being more bitchy

or

- manager/becky relations

i'll keep y'all posted!

[gendermesenpai-blog]

7:38am

welp

I’m actually doing pretty ok right now. I cut back on weed again. I’m not buying flower for a while. I’m probably going to work on getting some wax at some point but I’m doing ok right now. Uber has really been helping in terms of just having enough to eat a little bit everyday. I do wish I was eating more but c’est la vie. I just did some math and figured out how much money I will make before I leave for Europe. It’s just under $8000. Rent will be around $2000 in that time. Food expenses around $750. Wax could be as much as $1000 in that time. But at the end of the day I should be able to put away around $4000 if I am very dilligent about my spending. Obviously this doesn’t take into account various messwork related expenses which are difficult to predict - I could say that one gatorskin per month would leave me with about $300 less. But that’s not really worth considering since it will probably be much more than that, because tires are not the only expense in messwork. I am still planning on buying some more bike parts and that might run me up to $300 just on seatpost, stem and bars. Maybe a new fork since this Bontrager carbon fork is making me a little nervous lately from flexing. I do put a lot of hurt on my bike. It’s within reason that a cheap carbon fork (retail around $100) might weaken and snap from the constant daily pressure I’ve been putting on it. It was super stiff when I got it though since whoever rode this bike before me was probably just commuting ~1mi. And here I am putting in average of 30mi/day on it. It’s also all scratched up, might be worth upgrading just for the steez.

I’m feeling pretty good about my transition despite the fact I am 5 months in and still not as femme as I would like. It’s slow going, but progress is certainly being made. Thinking back on when my lil titty bumps started coming in and how it suddenly felt like there was this golfball sized lump in there. And now it’s advanced to, like.... half a apple? Like a small apple cut in half. So surreal! My face still looks kinda the same in the mirror, like it’s just kinda stuck in this halfway zone between masc and femme. My waist is tightening, I’m starting to get more of the buckled hourglass shape around my abdomen. And I sense some growth in my butt. Not sure how much. Difficult to measure that since I can’t easily see it and also because I’m not really measuring anything in this whole process. Emotionally I actually feel better on average since I’ve started cutting down on weed. I was so worried that if I sobered up I would start regretting stuff but no actually I just feel normal and good. When I looked in the mirror this morning I was like ooooh Hi. lol. I’m making enough progress that I think I can feel proud now of how far I’ve come.

Haven’t really been making much music. Just a couple beats here and there, a few bars if I think of something I like. This is something I think the weed was helping with for sure - I wrote literally every song on the LTC EP while I was high out of my mind, and drunk too in some cases. I am still so embarassed about the show I did. That kinda put the brakes on my creative output because I am too self conscious about it now. But I sense that it’s fading and I will probably end up back where I was at some point once I get over the hump from that setback.

When the muscle loss initially started I felt like the muscles were the same size, they just didn’t work the same anymore, didn’t recover as quickly etc. Now, the muscles are visibly and noticeably smaller. I had a pair of men’s pants that I bought when I went out to dinner with my brother in January, just before I started hormones. I remember those jeans being so tight on my quads that it was actually uncomfortable to wear them at all, let alone ride my bike in them with my muscles actually flexing. The other day I wore them out for a couple Uber runs and I noticed how loose they were on my quads. So weird because in the 5 months since I started hormones, I have only increased my output. I went from only working 3-4 days a week for Epic, some days doing as little as 15 miles, laying around being a poop the rest of the time, to now doing on average a minimum of 25-30 miles a day, everyday, including weekends, and sometimes as much as 40-50. So while my muscles appear to be shrinking and becoming weaker, I am actually somehow, paradoxically, becoming stronger. Yesterday my Strava said I got PRs on two segments that are actually kinda tough, one is a long section of flats downtown where the wind is almost always murder. It was brutal yesterday, and I remember crawling along, huffing and puffing and feeling sorry for myself about how weak I am now or whatever, and when I exited the section I remember being like, jesus, how is nobody noticing how slow I am these days? I can’t even ride with the other messengers anymore, blah blah. And then I check my Strava and it’s like, oh, no, actually you got a PR there. That was the fastest you’ve ever done that segment, by a good few seconds too. So, it’s like, I am still fast as shit, actually faster than before, but somehow it just feels like I’m not. It feels like I have to work super hard to get anywhere, and I’m always heaving and panting every time I arrive to my destination. But I get there fast as fuck and that’s what really matters as a messenger. So I guess I don’t have much to worry about there. My spiro dose went up to 100mg/day this month from 50 and there was initially what felt like a big drop off in terms of muscle function. But it’s really all good. I just worry too much I guess. But things are going well! It feels like I’m approaching the halfway mark in my transformation into an anime girl. Probably not really the case, it’s been slow going all along so I should expect the halfway point to be 1 year, and complete-ish around 2 years. But instead I’m like, nooo, I’ll be transformed by 1 year, the journey will be over! Unrealistic. But exciting.

I don’t even know what else to say about it. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m more functional than I’ve ever been. I have actual plans and goals. I’m living in a really nice house. I have a decent enough job. It’s just so weird when I actively think about how all this is working out. Considering 2-3 years ago I had no fucking idea I was trans. I was just barely working out that there was something going on with my gender shit but I had no idea I was fully gril. And now I’m like, um, excuse me sweetie *sashay away*

The other night I talked to C on Skype and at one point I kind of randomly started using my voice and talking about how I should practice more and it sounds bad because I don’t practice. And I was like halfway through the second sentence when she realized what I was doing and her eyes went all wide and she squealed. And her being excited made me excited haha and now I want to practice it more. It’s tough though, it’s a tough thing. I want to work on it but it can feel a bit silly at times, like I’m performing somehow. It will take some time to get away from that feeling so that I can appreciate the truth which is that the boy voice was the real performance all along. My natural speaking voice is, and it’s hard to admit this I guess, but it has what some people would refer to as a gay affectation to it. And I’ve always just sort of hidden it away. No one has ever really heard me speak naturally. I have always been acting. Since I begun my transition, I’ve been letting more of it out in daily speech. Little bit of vocal fry here and there, little bit of valley girl twang. No one seems to really notice or care. 

It rained all week last week and I felt like shit for days. Today it’s supposed to rain again and I’m like ugh. Enough with the sky water please. But in any case I feel pretty good. Oh, I’ve started up a new character on Skyrim! Trying out Skyrim Special Edition. They ported the game to 64 bit so it runs way better now than the original PC version did. I waited like a whole year since this new version came out so that the modders could move everything over. It’s pretty fun actually. So often I find myself unable to enjoy a game because it feels pointless. But in this case I am kind of just using it as a distraction from my other addiction issues. And it’s working well. I’ve been watching all these lore videos on youtube and it’s got me excited about TES universe and finding various secrets and things that I never knew about before. I’ve probably put like a thousand hours or more into Skyrim over the years and there is somehow still stuff in the game that I haven’t seen. Literally within like an hour of starting the new game I discovered a dungeon I had never seen before with a unique item reward I didn’t even know existed. My character is a femme Breton mage who I named Simone after Simone de Beauvoir. Mostly pure mage but some archery and stealth as well. Usually when I roll mages I end up spec’ing Battlemage or Spellsword but this time I want to try to do full mage with no armor or hand to hand weapons at all. In all this time I’ve spent in Skyrim I never bothered to have my mage characters learn armor spells or wards. There is a new mod that adds a bunch of new lore-friendly spells including proximity runes that you can set as traps, I haven’t even tried them yet and I’m already excited about how that will change my play style. I’ve been playing from the time I get home til around midnight for the last 2 nights. Helps keep my mind off drinking and smoking and keeps me away from the roommates so I don’t do or say anything stupid that could affect their perception of me. Cus that’s a whole thing I have to worry about yayyy. The other night I was drinking with N and somehow she got me like confessing about how I smoke so much because of my social anxiety and shit and she was like “really???? oh that’s so interesting” smh and I think she really meant that, what a weirdo. I almost came out to her right there haha. Like, oh you think that’s something? Wait til you hear what I’ve done to my endocrine system...

Ok gotta shave and stuff and get ready to go. *sashayyyyy away*

EDIT: Oh shit, bossman just texted me and said to stay home! FUCK YES SKYRIM ALL DAY OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG