#i got soul but i'm not a solider ;; music

[tharkflark1]

By the time Riku got there, it was too late. Sora had been taken over by his own darkness, his own fears and self-loathing. The boy who had touched so many hearts, who had loved so many, had none left for himself. And so was the most perfect, horrific, weapon to be created by the Master of Masters.

And Riku had gotten there too late.

But it was okay. Because Riku knew that if Sora could not love himself, Riku had an infinite source of love for Sora to give. to let him KNOW.

And so, after a year of search, wondering, yearning, when Riku finally has this beautiful wonderful boy in his reach, he lets it all out. He tells, he yells, he screams, and he shows, he fights, and he loves for the honor of holding his Dearly Beloved, his most precious person, for even a second longer to hold Sora in his arms.

And Riku is granted this, his most precious dream. For the Dream Eater to cling to his Dreamer once more, to find solid ground from all his falling through stormy sky blue eyes that pierce his own watery emerald.

Sora (Sora. Sora's here..!) buries his face and soaks Riku's dusty jacket, palms clutching the mark of a Protector that is branded into Riku's back and soul. And Riku smothers in return with just as much force, wetting the chocolate stained strands of Sora's hair. Riku's warm body suffocates him, brings him back down to earth and makes him solid. (I'm not dreaming this time...right?)

It's through raspy sobs and choked chords that the music that had been silent in both their hearts picks up again for the first time in a year.

"…I love you, too…."

And its a waltz.

[gamerwoo]

[skz] In Between: Bang Chan and...

characters: chan x gn reader (if there are any she/her pronouns that i missed while editing i'm so sorry it's an accident)

genre/warnings: idol!chan, non-idol!reader, fluff, humor, established relationship, the whole fic is set up like an interview video, reader is bigger than chan, it's mentioned that reader is older than chan, mentions of parties and alcohol consumption, mentions of murder in the sims lmao

word count: 3,490

summary: welcome to the couple's interview called 'in between:' where your favorite couples answer some questions to show a little background and insight to their relationships. today, we're exploring in between: _____ and bang chan!

minho | changbin | hyunjin | jisung | felix | seungmin | jeongin

[a short preview of the video plays where _____ is holding chan’s face between their hands as they lean in closer. chan is trying to laugh but his cheeks are getting squished.]

_____: I will cry right now.

[the video cuts to the beginning of the interview. _____ and chan are sitting on stools beside each other.]

Chan: Hi, I’m Bang Chan from Stray Kids.

_____: And I’m _____.

Chan: And we’re at Gamerwoo today to answer a few questions about our love life.

_____: This is In Between: Bang Chan and _____.

[the intro card plays, and in the background, chan can be heard shouting their couple name and laughing loudly. then it changes to the question card before going back to the couple.]

[what was your first date?]

Chan: [looking to _____ in confusion] Was it…the concert…? Or the picnic?

_____: [looking back at him with a neutral expression] Guess.

Chan: …The…pic– No! Concert.

_____: Final answer?

Chan: [giving a solid nod] Final answer.

_____: [looking back at the camera with a wide smile] It was a picnic.

[chan starts sputtering and yelling while _____ just laughs loudly. nobody can really make sense of what he’s saying, but it’s obvious he’s not only embarrassed that he was wrong, but blames _____ for not giving him a hint.]

_____: Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever. [they look at chan fondly and rest a hand on his leg] You don’t have to sleep on the couch tonight, don’t worry.

Chan: [scoffs] Wow, yeah, thanks.

[the video jump cuts to _____ and chan talking about the actual date.]

_____: He asked me to go on a picnic and he set up a blanket with flowers and snacks and sandwiches and…yeah. It was really cute. By the river and stuff.

Chan: ‘And stuff’ as if I didn’t put my entire heart and soul into our first date.

_____: That was when you asked me out, dude. Our first date, you literally brought a fancy bottle of grape juice instead of wine because you can’t read.

[chan pauses a second, eyes wandering elsewhere as he thinks about it. _____ laughs quietly while they watch him.]

Chan: With the flower petals and star-gazing?

_____: [nodding] Yeah, that was when you asked me out. Not our first date.

Chan: Ohhhh, yeah, you’re right. Okay.

_____: [chuckling] Your memory is getting worse, old man.

Chan: [rolls his eyes and _____ continues to giggle more] You’re literally older than me.

_____: [looking back at the camera] That’s not what Seungmin says.

[how did you meet and what were your first impressions?]

_____: We…actually met through mutual friends. It was, like, at some random party and I guess Chris was in the area and showed up.

Chan: We were on tour and I was texting a couple friends I knew were around that area to just catch up, and one of them mentioned he was having a small party and wanted to see if I could make it, and I was like, ‘sure, why not? I got nothing going on tomorrow,’ so I went. [he looks over at _____ with a smile, grabbing their shoulder and lightly shaking them] And this one was there.

_____: I recognized him and I was kinda freaking out like a psycho, but I just played it off and was like ‘hey…I like your music and stuff’. But then we ended being beer pong partners and I got a little too drunk and told him I was actually a huge Stay. [looks at chan and they meet eyes] But I think we vibed, so.

Chan: [nodding] I thought you were cool. Very sweet; very charming. Definitely a little goofy.

_____: You still invited me to hang out, though – [they look back at the camera with wide eyes] which was super intimidating, by the way. He asked me to just go chill in the studio and then go grab lunch, and I was terrified. When I tell you I panicked trying to figure out what to wear. I had an entire ****ing breakdown.

Chan: You still looked good, though. And we had fun.

_____: We did. I’m glad I didn’t bail like I considered [laughs].

Chan: [also laughing] Could you imagine? We probably wouldn’t even be here right now. So yeah, thanks for not flaking.

[the video jump cuts to another shot of chan and _____ a little bit later.]

Chan: I would like to clarify that I was not drinking at that party. I played beer pong with water.

_____: Christopher is a coward.

[who asked who out and how did it happen?]

_____: [scoffs] It was absolutely not me. I didn’t have the balls to do that.

Chan: [blushing] It was me. I reenacted our first date, just made it more fancy with rose petals everywhere and we looked at the stars. I even learned where constellations were to point them out!

_____: [grinning widely as they look at chan] It was super cute.

Interviewer: How did you ask _____ out? What are the details?

Chan: [smirks directly into camera] That stays top-secret.

_____: Fans are gonna think we ****ed. 

Chan: [his eyes widen and he points at the camera] Okay, we didn’t do that. 

[what did the members think of _____, and what did _____’s friends think of bang chan?]

Chan: All the kids really liked _____. Everyone got on really well.

_____: None of them will let you forget you picked up someone at a party, though.

Chan: [lets out an exasperated sigh] You weren’t even just some rando, though! You’re friends with someone I’m friends with. You, me, him, and a couple other people all hung out before I asked you to hang out alone.

_____: I know, I was there. Tell that to the kids, buddy.

Chan: They don’t listen to me.

_____: [shrugs] I have no problems with them.

Interviewer: _____, what did your friends think of you dating a big-name kpop idol?

_____: Honestly, they clowned me for it. [laughs] They literally were making fun of me because it’s kpop, and I was like, ‘okay, whatever’. They met him a few times, though, and they think he’s really cool. But yeah, they’re always calling me a kpoppie and a koreaboo. 

Chan: And they say you’re living your y/n wattpad fanfic.

_____: Oh yeah, can’t forget the y/n thing.

[who said ‘i love you’ first?]

[_____ is clearly already flustered and Chan is giggling like a maniac.]

_____: Okay, to be fair…I probably wanted to say it before he did, but I was so scared to say it so I waited until he did first.

Chan: [smiling and laughing softly at _____] You’re such a baby sometimes.

_____: Yeah, and?

Chan: You’re my baby, though. [he reaches over to take their hand.]

Interviewer: When did you say it?

Chan: I think it was… I wanna say it was a few months in, at least.

_____: I was fully in love with this man, like, 2 weeks into dating.

Chan: To be fair, you knew me before I knew you. Or knew of me, I guess.

_____: My bar was also literally at the floor. You did the bare minimum and I was already telling my mom about you.

Interviewer: How did you know you were in love?

_____: Personally, I was obviously just…infatuated with the idea of him because I knew of Stray Kids, so I realized I actually loved him the first night we had a sleepover. He was super respectful of my boundaries, and the way he looked at me was just, like… It’s gonna sound so ****in’ cheesy but I’ve never seen someone look at me like that before. And he was just super sweet and it was like those cheesy stories and movies where you watch movies and cuddle, and dance in the kitchen really late at night and bake cookies and stuff. And then in the morning we made pancakes and watched TV and, I dunno. It was just really cute and made me realize I wanted every night and every morning to be like that.

[chan squeals and pulls _____ in for a tight hug. _____ is obviously embarrassed but is laughing and letting him coo at them. then it cuts to them sitting normally and holding hands instead while chan starts talking, like the hug lasted for too long.]

Chan: For me, I never really had a moment that hit me. I was always pretty fond of them, and that feeling just grew and grew until one day I was just kinda thinking about it and went, ‘oh, this is what being in love is,’ so then I told them the next time I got a chance in person.

Interviewer: How did you tell them?

Chan: We were just watching a movie in the studio and we looked at each other for some reason, but I think I blacked out so I forgot why, but I just [shrugs] told them.

_____: And I squealed. [nods slowly] Directly in his face.

Interviewer: Like, actually?

Chan: Literally–

_____: Like, full on pig squeal.

Chan: [laughing] Okay, I wouldn’t call it that. It was cute, though.

[has bang chan ever written a song about you, and if so, was it released and what song was it?]

Chan: Only unreleased.

_____: [whips their head over to look at him with wide eyes] You wrote a song about me?

Chan: [scratching the back of his neck and giving a shy smile] Maybe…multiple? [laughs]

[_____ holds chan’s face between their hands as they lean in closer. chan is trying to laugh but his cheeks are getting squished.]

_____: I will cry right now.

Chan: I’d prefer if you didn’t, baby.

[instead, _____ gives him a peck on the lips before releasing him. chan is still giggling and blushing. the video jump cuts to the couple sitting normally again while chan talks.]

Chan: I’ve definitely written some songs that are released that are…sort of inspired by _____ and my feelings and stuff like that. But, I mean, if we’re making a love song, obviously some real life stuff is going to inspire that. But the songs I’ve written completely about _____ or our relationship are still unreleased. They’re still…– They need tweaking.

Interviewer: Are you planning on releasing any of them at some point?

Chan: Maybe eventually. Like I said, they’re all pretty rough right now so they need some work. But maybe someday.

_____: Will I ever hear any of them?

Chan: [smiling smugly] When I release them.

[who’s the driest texter, and what are your names saved as in each other’s phones?]

[they stare at each other and seem to really consider the answer, but the video jump cuts to a reply because they took too long thinking]

_____: I think sometimes it’s me, and sometimes it’s him. Overall we’re both pretty good about not being too boring. 

Chan: Sometimes one of us is too busy to text back a lot or we’re just not in the mood so our texts are kinda lazy. Usually, though, they like to send memes or something. They have, like, 5 emojis that they use a lot, too.

_____: And Chan likes to spam-text. 

Chan: [looks at _____] Why’d you say it like that?

_____: Like what?

Chan: Like it’s a bad thing.

_____: I didn’t. …Don’t even.

[chan starts giggling, and _____ whacks him in the arm. then it jump cuts to them talking again.]

_____: In my phone, he’s Christopher with the werewolf emoji and a heart.

Chan: Which heart?

_____: The black one.

Chan: [nodding] Alright, I’ll take it. Um, for me, _____ is My Baby with, like, the emoji smiling with the hearts around it, and the couple kissing.

_____: [looking at chan] is it just the standard yellow emojis?

Chan: [scoffs, looking offended] No, I made them us.

_____: [looking back at the camera] Boomer.

Chan: Okay.

[do you ever read fanfiction about each other?]

_____: Well, there’s definitely none about just me, but I’ve seen a lot about Chan. Or we’ll just be vaguely mentioned as a background couple or something.

Chan: [looks at _____ curiously] Who are you reading about if we’re the background characters?

_____: [shrugs] Sometimes I see something interesting about one of the guys. But yeah, it’s never about me and Chris, unless it’s Stays guessing what our relationship is like or talking about how Chris would be in a relationship – which I guess still doesn’t count as it being about us.

Chan: Do you read any of the spicy stuff? [he leans toward them and wiggles his eyebrows]

[_____ slowly turns their head to look at them, their face void of any expression. chan continues to wiggle his eyebrows and giggle.]

_____: I’m gonna shove you out of your seat, Christopher.

Interviewer: Which name do you call him by the most?

_____: Usually Chris or Chan, but he’s Christopher when he’s in trouble or I’m just being…sassy, I guess.

Chan: Which is always.

[it jump cuts to _____ still talking about chan’s names.]

_____: There’s just something funny about whipping out ‘Christopher’ sometimes that I can’t explain.

Chan: It’s literally just my name.

_____: Christopher is funny somehow. You just don’t get it.

[what’s an item of yours that the other steals the most?]

Chan: My card.

[_____ is already loudly laughing, and while chan looks annoyed, he can’t help but chuckle as well.]

_____: Look, I know what people think. I know if anyone could date Chris, they’d be, like, taking his hoodies and stuff – I’ve seen the fanfiction, okay. I know that the common theme in a relationship with good ole Christopher Bahng is to steal his hoodies. But if you think I’m gonna squeeze my ass into his children’s XL hoodies, you’re wrong. I’m actually smarter for taking his card.

Chan: [looking at _____ defensively] I’m not even that short! I’m a very average size for a man. And my clothes are not children’s clothes.

_____: [looking deadpan off somewhere between the cameras and chan] I’m the size of the blue ***** from Poppy Playtime. I’m not gonna go out of my way to steal your Polly Pocket clothes.

Chan: [laughs at what they said] My sweaters are too big for even me. You fit into them perfectly fine, and you do take them.

_____: [making a disgusted face] Don’t expose me like that.

[the video cuts to another shot of _____ a little later after them and chan are done bickering]

_____: I would also like to clarify before Stays get mad at me: I always ask before I use his card. Or he offers first. And let’s be real, he’s making better money than me anyway.

Chan: Nah, I’ve seen what Stays say. They’d agree with you for taking my card instead.

Interviewer: Chan, is there something of _____’s that you take often?

_____: My hoodies!

Chan: [giggling] What can I say? They’re comfy! Smell nice, too!

[which member of stray kids is _____ closest with?]

[chan looks tired, sighing deeply as he tilts his head back to look at the ceiling. _____ is giggling at his reaction. then _____ looks at the camera and smiles proudly.]

_____: Me and Seungmin are besties.

Chan: See, [fixes his head to look in _____’s direction but not directly at them] I can’t tell if you’re a bad influence on him or vice versa, because you both tease me all the time.

_____: Yeah, but we do other stuff. We made friendship bracelets!

Chan: And then pointed out how I didn’t have one and was too old for making them, and when I said you’re older than me, Seungmin told me it was past my bedtime.

_____: Yeah, you get grumpy when you’re not in bed by 5. [giggles]

[chan shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose.]

Interviewer: What’s your friendship with Seungmin like? Like, what makes you feel closer with him over the other guys?

_____: Um… I don’t know, we just kinda hang out more often. Like we just chill together a lot. Lately, we've been playing a lot of video games together since he has more free time. He's been trying to teach me how to be better at first person shooters.

Chan: In return, they’ve taught Seungmin how to mod The Sims, which has been so good for everyone.

[it’s very clear chan’s tone is sarcastic, but _____ is laughing wildly, their hand on his shoulder.]

_____: No, okay! So I taught Seungmin how to download, like, clothing mods and stuff just for cooler physical things. But then I was explaining how there’s basically a mod for everything–

Chan: He has a murderer mod and he keeps putting sims of us into a room together and seeing who dies last.

[chan seems unamused while _____ is still laughing about it.]

_____: I told him he should start streaming him playing The Sims like that. I think Stays would have fun.

Chan: [looking visibly tired and concerned] The fact that you were a Stay before I met you absolutely, like… [turns to look at _____] blows my mind.

[_____ just continues to keep laughing.]

[what’s something the other does that you don’t like?]

Chan: I wouldn’t necessarily say you do things I hate, or that, like…bother me a lot.

_____: Yeah, I would’ve told you if it was bothering me.

Interviewer: Something small, like a pet peeve.

_____: Oh, [they turn to Chan] like you not coming to bed at a normal ****in’ time to cuddle with me, you gremlin?

[chan’s only reply is to laugh guiltily.]

_____: And then you wake me up at 4am coming into bed and whining about how I went to bed without you as if I’m supposed to wait?

Chan: Well, then my thing is that you won’t wait for me to fall asleep with you.

_____: [rolls their eyes and looks back at the camera] You’re unbearable.

Chan: [leans his head on _____’s shoulder and grins up at them, batting his eyelashes] But you love me sooooo much.

_____: What’s actually something I do that you don’t like?

[chan hums while he thinks, keeping his head on their shoulder.]

Chan: You take up a lot of space when you sleep.

_____: I have long limbs, where do you want them to go?

Chan: [lifts his head back up] Off the other side of the bed instead of all over me!

_____: That’s your punishment for not cuddling me. I’m gonna crush you with my body.

Chan: [sighs happily] What a way to go out, though.

[what’s something you especially love about each other?]

_____: I don’t know if I should be talking, like, to you about him, or if I should be confessing to him.

Interviewer: Whatever makes you the most comfortable.

[_____ turns their body to face chan, but after a couple seconds of silence and them very clearly growing more flustered with chan looking into their eyes, they look back at the camera instead. chan laughs loudly.]

_____: He’s just so caring about everyone. He takes great care of his members and always makes sure they’re doing okay and they’re being treated well. He always takes good care of Stays. And, I mean…y’know, also me.

[chan coos loudly and leans into _____, who is growing more and more flustered by the second. they start shrinking down into their stool. it cuts to chan speaking next.]

Chan: I just love how they were always themselves. Like, _____ knew who I was the entire time but has always been so real about themselves, and their real self is just so wonderful and caring and kind. The only times they’ve ever changed was to improve themself as a person or to learn or to grow. It’s never been changing to what they think my partner should be because I’m an idol, or changing to make me like them, y’know? [he looks at them and they’re smiling back at him] _____ is just _____. I love just _____.

[they lean in, but suddenly, the video shows the logo before cutting back to the idol, sitting side-by-side on stools still.]

Chan: Well, this has been In Between: Bang Chan and _____. Thank you so much to Gamerwoo for having us today, and we hope we can return in the future to do other fun things together.

_____: We hope Stays and…whoever else may have been interested in our love life enjoyed our little interview today, and hopefully we can do more stuff like this together soon!

Bang Chan & _____: [waving at the camera] Bye!

[as the logo card appears on the screen again, chan and _____ can be heard still loudly saying goodbye over each other, as well as laughing and making weird noises. The screen goes black and the recommended videos come up.]

«─── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ───»

tag list (italics are unable to tag): @minluvly @awkwardnesshabitat @woozarts @septicrebel @4kwp @thepencilkorner @bubblelixie @byunhoebaek @dejavernon @ahandfulofkeys @slut-for-dabi @avyskai @pussymode @sunoosult @moonlightcandy00 @missrobyn81 @day6andetcetera @ritzy-roo @casualtaelyn @skizzel-reblogs @itbtoblikethatsometimes @crazyllamasurfer @wonderfulshinee @ladylexis @bangmechanpls @army-stay-noel @reiheis @pretty-npeach @icarusthorn @saythenameseventeen178 @stay-gray @olivehues-blog @ulavenger64king @lillijay @twistedsiren @svintsandghosts @stellarstacysstuff @xxluckydreamsxx @chartrucewhore @dwaekkiracha @ssstraykiss @lukeys-giggle @bobrouxsky @strayKidsFamily @vensweety @seoli-16 @smilefordongil @flirtyskzbutterfly @freckleboilix @immortal-imagination

[gotham-ruaidh]

Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Chapter 3 (Dancing On Glass)|| Chapter 4 (Merry-Go-Round)|| Backstage (1) || Backstage (2) || Chapter 5 (Danger)|| Backstage (3) || Chapter 6A (Love Walked In) || Chapter 6B (Without You) || Backstage (4) || Chapter 7 (Stick To Your Guns) || Chapter 8 (Time For Change) || Backstage (5) || Chapter 9 (Take Me To The Top) || Backstage (6) || Chapter 10 (Home Sweet Home) || Backstage (7) || Chapter 11a (Nightrain) || Chapter 11b (Nothing Else Matters) || Chapter 12a (Handle With Care) || Chapter 12b (I’m So Tired of Being Lonely) || Chapter 13a (Angel) || Chapter 13b (She’s My Addiction) || Chapter 13c (Patience) Chapter 14a (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 14b (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 14c (Where Do We Go Now?) ||| Also posted at AO3

Chapter 15A: Dreams

Wilmington, North Carolina

Labor Day Weekend, 1988

I'm hung up on dreams I'll never see Help me baby, or this will surely be the end of me…

 - Dreams, The Allman Brothers Band (1969) [click here to listen]

“I’ll be upstairs in just a few minutes. Did you finish your reading?”

Ten-year-old William MacKenzie shook his head. “I was going to, but that’s when Daddy arrived with Jamie and Claire – I mean, Mr. and Mrs. Fraser. And then it was time for dinner, and then - ”

Gillian Duncan MacKenzie bent to kiss her son’s forehead. “All right then. Why don’t you get yourself all caught up?”

William’s eyes darted over to Claire, seated across from his mother at the kitchen table, sipping sweet tea.

“Jamie and I will be here all weekend,” she smiled. “You’ll have plenty of time to talk with him about music tomorrow.”

His face brightened. “OK! See you in the morning!”

Claire couldn’t help but smile as William darted out of the room, footsteps quickly thudding on the stairs.

Gillian turned to face her guest. “He’s so excited. It’s not every day that a bona fide rock star is here in sleepy Wilmington.”

“Thank you for asking him to not tell his friends at school. I’m used to the attention now – ”

Gillian raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Are you?”

Claire shrugged. “Well – no. I don’t know if I ever will be. But one thing that won’t change is how much we value our privacy. So – thank you.”

“Of course, Claire. Privacy and discretion are what I do professionally – how could I not extend the same courtesy to you, when you’re a guest in my home?”

“Still. Thank you.”

A beat. Claire sipped the sweet tea Gillian had made – the same recipe she’d grown to love, those months at The Ridge. Gillian gently pulled Claire’s left hand across the table, studying her rings.

“You said this was his grandmother’s engagement ring?”

Claire nodded. “He inherited it when she died. His sister Jenny kept it for him, until he asked her for it. Called her the day he got home from The Ridge, and went to see her the next day. He gave it to me a few weeks later.”

“A man who knows what he wants.”

Claire smiled. “And I’m a woman who knows what she wants.”

Gillian returned the smile, then focused on the wide band next to the engagement ring.

“I love how solid and simple your ring is. Silver?”

“Platinum. His is the same. Wide enough for an inscription on the inside.”

“I do,” she had whispered. Smiling through the tears. Thinking he looked just a bit ridiculous in his suit. Sliding the band inscribed “Forever My Love” across his knuckle.

“I do,” he had whispered. Eyes burning, full of awe. Agape at the simple gray dress she had chosen, his mother’s pearls around her throat. Sliding the band inscribed “Forever My Heart” onto her finger.

“I am so pleased to…” Professor Quentin Lambert Beauchamp loudly blew his nose into a polka-dotted handkerchief. “Excuse me. I am so pleased to pronounce you husband and wife. Jamie, you may kiss your bride.”

He did. To the applause of the ten dear friends gathered in Joe and Gail Abernathy’s Boston backyard.

“That’s beautiful.” Gillian lay her own left hand on the table, adorned only by a thin gold ring. “Dougal never gave me an engagement ring, and he insisted I have the gold band for our marriage. His is silver. He had just sunk all of his money into building The Ridge, and we couldn’t even afford flowers at the reception.”

“That’s beautiful, too, Gillian. And I understand why you wouldn’t want to upgrade. Because what you have now, is that much more meaningful.”

“I was sitting here, when Joe and Gail staged the intervention.” Jamie looked over at his wife – his wife!! – gazing up into the arbor behind the house. “The vines were heavy with grapes. I remember thinking, how appropriate that I’m looking at what could be wine.”

He pulled her closer against his side, and kissed the top of her head. Careful of the tortoiseshell combs that Jenny had so lovingly placed in Claire’s hair as she got ready this afternoon.

“Ian confronted me in a hotel room in…Sacramento, I think. I had been so wasted on stage the night before, slurring through half the songs. Jenny had come to see Ian, and she was so scared for me. She had already done the research, made a few phone calls. I puked the whole flight across country to North Carolina.”

“It’s always the ones we love who we hurt the most,” she murmured.

“I’m never going to hurt you, Claire. You know that, right?”

She turned to face her husband – her husband!! – and smiled. Reassuring.

“I do. And you know I’m never going to hurt you, Jamie. Right?”

He nodded. Couldn’t help but kiss her.

“Ah!”

Dougal MacKenzie and Alec MacMahon turned the corner, and cheered. “Here you are! Come on – don’t let us have all the fun without you. Can’t miss your own wedding reception!”

Gillian nodded. “I don’t need it. I have the life we’ve built together, and our son, and a man who somehow thinks the sun rises and sets with me. I’ll never understand it.”

Claire swallowed.

Of course Gillian noticed.

“Don’t ever doubt how much he loves you, Claire. I’ve seen you two together – you’re so natural with each other. That’s never going to change.”

She clenched her hand into a fist. Centering herself.

“It’s…it’s just so…intense, with him,” she whispered.

“We don’t have to tonight, Jamie. We have forever, now.”

His hands shook as his thumb softly, softly traced down her neck, across the pearls, and settled into the cleft between her breasts.

“I want to, Claire. I want you so much I can scarcely breathe. I just…”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Gillian asked gently. “I can be your therapist, or I can be your friend. But I will listen.”

Claire took a deep, calming breath. “Being on tour – I see now how he developed the addictions. Every aspect of it is so stressful. He feels so much pressure to lead his band, to write music, to live up to the fans’ expectations. And he has to deal with the label and the tour manager and the production guys, and do media, and somehow find time to eat and shower and sleep on top of all of that.” Her thumb twisted her wedding ring. “He’d use the drugs to come up, and the alcohol to come down. And the women to just forget about everything for a while.”

“Are those groupies?”

Colum had organized a small gathering for the band and crew to celebrate the first show of the acoustic tour. No alcohol or drugs in the room – though Claire quickly learned that the rules by no means extended to hallways and bathrooms and storage rooms at the venue.

Jamie squeezed her hand, standing side by side in the corner, both of them holding a can of Tab.

“Yeah. I can ask them to leave, if you’re feeling uncomfortable.”

“No need.” She dropped his hand and quietly approached the four women giggling on the other side of the room.

“Ladies. I’m Claire Beauchamp. I’m with him.”

She turned slightly, looked at Jamie over her shoulder, and then turned back to her audience.

“So?” A girl wearing a strategically ripped Def Leppard t-shirt popped her gum. “That’s not what I heard about the last time he was here.”

Claire’s eyes narrowed. “That was then. This is now. I will say this only one time. If you even think about flashing a boob, or smiling at him, or trying to get him alone? I will end you.”

The girls gaped.

“Tell all your friends here in Albuquerque, please. Are we clear?”

“And now, that you’re there with him?”

Claire smiled. “He’s eating and sleeping a lot better. Has a lot more energy. He so desperately wants to do everything right. And I’m not going to lie, Gillian – seeing him perform the songs he wrote for me at The Ridge, and then being there when he comes off stage, all keyed up from singing and playing the guitar…”

“It sounds like in many respects he’s replaced his additions with you.”

Claire looked up, meeting Gillian’ gaze. “Of course he has. The album and lead single will be called She’s My Addiction. Doesn’t get any more obvious than that.”

“And how do you feel about that, Claire?”

She lay her hands flat on the table. “I’ve never felt more…loved, and cherished, than when I’m with Jamie.”

She frowned and opened her eyes when he stopped brushing her hair, one morning in Minneapolis.

“What – ”

The pads of his fingers swept the left side of her neck, still a bit tender from his kisses after last night’s show. “I bruised you. I’m sorry.”

“Hmm. I’m not.”

She swallowed. “But it’s so, so hard sometimes. He loves me for who I am, but I don’t want to do anything to fuck it up. And he stresses over so much that he doesn’t have to. Gillian, he’s been having panic attacks all tour.”

“My God. Is he seeing anyone to help with that?”

Claire sighed. “You’re looking at her. Thank God I did that psych rotation when I was in med school. I’ve helped him recognize the signs, and he knows enough to tell me when it’s happening so that we can get away and I can help him through it. But I’m not a psychiatrist. I can’t be everything he needs. He has to do a lot of work to explore what’s triggering him, so that he can manage that. Because after we take the break at the end of the year, we’ll be on the road for most of ’89. The label has booked more than a hundred shows.”

“And you’ll be with him?”

“Of course. He’s the air I breathe. I know this sounds insane, but we want to try for a baby next year. That way he can be off the road, off touring, to be with me if the timing lines up.” She sighed. “So I’ve talked to him about bringing a therapist with us on tour. He needs to have that kind of support from someone other than me. Especially when we’re in Europe and he’s playing soccer stadiums and dealing with a next level of bullshit.”

“Do you want some recommendations? Between Dougal and I, we can definitely help you find someone.”

Claire smiled thinly. “That would be wonderful. It has to be someone we both trust. Who can deal with all the craziness.”

Gillian nodded. “Consider it our wedding gift to you. I – we – really want to help you. You know this, Claire – getting sober is hard, but staying sober is so, so much harder. It does and doesn’t get easier with time. Dougal would say the same thing.”

“Do you ever miss it?”

She settled her chin into his shoulder, nestled securely in his lap. Together they watched the cornfields of Iowa glide by, thousands of feet below.

“No. Not really. The pills helped me deaden the pain. And my life doesn’t have that kind of pain at all, now.”

The private plane had four clusters of four seats, two seats on each side facing each other with a table in between. Jamie and Claire always had a cluster to themselves. Ian, his bass tech, Jamie’s guitar tech Arch, and Angus’ drum tech always sat together. Colum kept to himself. Leaving Angus in the final cluster – which he shared with the two groupies he’d been surprisingly faithful to since Albuquerque. He hated flying, but the girls certainly made it easier for him – plying him with snacks, rubbing his back, squeezing him between them in the big seat.

Claire turned slightly, and inhaled at his temple. Kissed his earlobe as he shivered. “I know you miss it, Jamie. And it’s OK.”

His grip tightened on her hip. “You taste so much better,” he whispered. Eyes far away.

Claire wiped the corners of her eyes. “I just love him, Gillian. So fucking much.” She took a deep breath. “I’m so proud of him, for everything he’s done, and for the man he’s worked so hard to become. I’m not going to lie – sometimes it’s so damn hard to deal with everything. With all of his past shit, and how he still lets it mess with his head. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve told him that none of it bothers me. Not the drugs, or the alcohol, or the destroyed hotel rooms, or what is probably hundreds of women. I can’t let any of that bother me, because that’s not the Jamie I know. But Gillian…”

Gillian reached across the table and took Claire’s hand.

“He makes everything so fucking hard sometimes. He starts to spiral, and he worries that I’ll have had enough and walk away. But then we just take a deep breath, and we look at each other, and all the bullshit is gone, and it’s just so easy again.”

“You need a day off!”

Jamie rubbed his hands over his face, exasperated. “I do have a day off tomorrow, Claire. You know as well as I do that there isn’t a show.”

She huffed, hands on her hips. “Not the point, Jamie. I saw the call sheet for tomorrow. You’re meeting with the label, and then with Colum to talk to the merch guy, and then the lighting team, and then you’re doing some local radio spots. That’s NOT a day off!”

He shrugged. “At least we can get dinner together and it won’t be shitty venue food.”

She pursed her lips, trying so hard not to scream. “Do you not remember the panic attack last night? You were sobbing in my arms, Jamie. It was really, really bad. And then you were so exhausted, but you wanted to be a hero and do the show anyway, and then you tripped over your fucking amp when you went on stage and could have broken your arm. Where would that leave us, hmm?”

He reached out to her – and she stepped back.

Not done with him yet. 

“You need rest, Jamie. Your body is going to shut down. And that won’t be good for anybody.”

“Is that your medical opinion, Dr. Beauchamp?”

A hint of a smile. Good.

“Yes. I’m your personal physician. I’m prescribing a day in bed, sleeping.”

He smirked. “OK. But only if you’re in it, too.”

She shrugged. “I’m not making any sense.”

“Yes you are,” Gillian smiled. “You said it’s intense between you – there’s no way it couldn’t be. Set aside his being a musician, and being in just about the biggest band in the world right now. Think about how and when you met. What had happened to both of you beforehand. All the changes you’ve made in both of your lives, in a relatively short timeframe. It’s overwhelming. And being on the road with him this summer had to have just upped that intensity.”

“We’re together non-stop. Which has been great, because we have so much time. We have what nobody else has, and I treasure that, I really do. But it’s also exhausting sometimes.” Claire paused, considering. “Nobody else knows what I’m about to tell you, but it’s another factor. We…we didn’t…” She closed her eyes. “We waited until our wedding night.”

Gillian’s silence was a gift.

“We were both so scared. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I think we were worried that…that it wouldn’t be good, for some reason. And it was good, Gillian. So fucking good. We both cried.”

“You’re everything.” He kissed her nose and cheeks and forehead and mouth over and over and over again, his tears mixing with hers. “My heart is going to burst.”

She hugged him tighter, nails digging into the flames tattooed on his shoulders. “Love you,” she whispered, breathless. “Love you love you love you love you…”

“I don’t need to tell you this, Claire, but I will anyway. It’s been a really good decision to spend so much time together, to really get to know each other, before you were married. Both of you deliberately wanted your relationship to be different from anything you’d known or done before. And now that last barrier is gone between you. So everything has changed, am I right?”

Indianapolis. Married one week. He couldn’t stop smiling at her, standing side stage during the show. She couldn’t stop giggling when he found her after the encore, threw her over his shoulder, and ran to his dressing room. His breath hot against her lips, breathlessly pleading for her to stay quiet, as they loved each other on the sofa and the techs and roadies and catering people and production staff bustled by the locked door.

“It has, Gillian. But in many ways it hasn’t. It feels like yesterday, and it feels like forever.”

New Haven. Married two weeks. The morning after a powerhouse show at the Coliseum. A penthouse suite overlooking the water. She had slipped out of bed in the dark, opened the curtains wide. Watched him watch her as she returned to bed. Held his gaze as they loved each other, dawn breaking over their faces.

“I get that. You’ve introduced another layer to your relationship. Probably the most complex layer that there is.”

Providence. Married two weeks and two days. Holding each other in a bath, Jamie’s hand splayed across her belly, Claire’s nose buried in the curtain of his hair.

“So, be patient with yourself, Claire. Cut yourself a break.” Gillian reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “And just enjoy yourself! My God – what an incredible life you have.”

Claire’s smile was the widest Gillian had ever seen.

“Holy shit. I married a rock star.”

“I heard that!”

And then Jamie was there, smiling, and kissing Claire’s smile.

Dougal hung back in the doorway. Exchanging smiles with his own wife.

“Come on, rock star. You said you’d help me hook up the new CD player.”

Jamie pulled back. Rubbed his nose against Claire’s.

“Hey, Dougal?”

Dougal crossed his arms. “What?”

Jamie stood. Squeezed Claire’s hands. Kissed her wedding ring.

“Love is a much better high than any drug.”

Dougal rolled his eyes. “I’ll put that on the new pamphlets we’re printing up for The Ridge. But the stereo won’t install itself. Help out, and I’ll even let you play that new stuff you brought.”

[gojos-thot-patrol]

Now Presenting...

Starring Suguru Geto in a curseless AU set in the early 2000s.

Synopsis: Neither one of you are quite over your "Relationship" If you could call it that. You had been avoiding him since the breakup for that very reason. He was the last person you ever expected to see at this party.

The wind was bitterly cold. You blew the smoke out of your lungs, watching it swirl into the clouds and praying it would take you with it. You didn't want to be here. You hated parties. You hated this town.

"There you are!" Your friend groaned as she came outside. "God, you're way too good at disappearing. I've been looking for you everywhere." You took a moment to take her in. Her eyes were filled with worry for you, frustration etched into her eyebrows. You hated to admit it, but you liked that she worried. It made you feel loved again. A small smile tugged at your lips. 

"Yep. I'm here. You should have guessed," you chuckled, throwing your cigarette onto the concrete and stomping it out. 

"Come inside," she insisted, "it's freezing out here." She was right. October nights had always been bitter, but tonight had a particular edge to it. You nodded to her as you slipped your hands into your hoodie. 

"I'm coming." 

"Try to look like you don't hate it here" your friend teased, "miserable is not a good look on you." You disagreed. You thought misery was your default. It was glamorous. It was vintage. It was hand tailored for you. At least, that's how it felt these days. Since things had ended. It had only been six months since your relationship failed, but it felt closer to six decades. Suguru’s ghost clung to you, haunted your body and mind. It felt like you were never not thinking about him. You wondered what you’d do if you saw him again.

“Ah, but that's the thing,” you half laughed, “I do hate it here. Frat parties are for people who like other people. And that's not me.”

“While true, they’re also for people who want to get black out drunk and forget their ex, which is you.” Your friend argued. I mean, shit when she was right she was right. The two of you walked back into the party, the music blasting top twenty pop hits into the air and shaking your soul out of your body. You tied your hoodie around your waist, the heat becoming thick faster than you expected it to. Your friend yelled…something you couldn’t decipher into your ear before disappearing into the crowd. Fuck.

 You sighed and made your way through the ocean of college kids, all swaying, making  waves in time with the music. You found your way to the kitchen, mixing yourself a vodka redbull. You drank it far too quickly, made yourself another one, and got about half way through it before you took another breath. You tuned back into the music, just to roll your eyes. Who burned the CD for this party anyway? You were sure this party couldn’t get any worse. Then it did.

You made eye contact with him the moment he walked into the kitchen, looking tired and disinterested. Satoru was going on and on about something inconsequential, you were sure, and Suguru was looking for a drink to help make his best friend bearable. His corpse eyes found a light in them as they connected with yours. You were sure whatever light you may have had left in your eyes faded instantly. You finished your drink. 

“Dude, are you even listening to-..oh.” Satoru cut his own sentence off as he realized what, or rather who his best friend was staring at. Shit. There was a solid five seconds of the three of you just staring at eachother in a fucked up standoff. Each waiting for the other to make a movie while Brittnay sang about genies in the other room. He looked better than you were fully willing to admit, wearing tripp pants and an old Korn tee over a mesh shirt. Your breath felt heavy in your throat. Memories of the last night you saw him exploded in your mind like war flashbacks. The tears, the fighting, the begging. The goodbye. Fuck.

He made a b-line to you and you b-lined to the back door, your closest escape. “Dude, stop!-” You heard Satoru call, no doubt chasing after Suguru. You were thankful for him. He was rarely the rational one between the two of them, but he was normally able to bring Suguru back to earth when he lost his mind. Maybe that was why they worked. You didn't really care to give it much thought anymore honestly.

“Y/n!” you heard your ex call for you. Fuck he sounded close. You could hear the chains on his tripp pants rattle as he made his way to you. You started to run. You hated making a scene but you couldn’t see him. For all the times you wondered what you’d do if you saw him again, running wasn’t ever really one of the options, but you’re here now. You made your way out the back gate and to your car. Your salvation. You picked up the pace, unlocking your car and falling into the seat with a swiftness that shocked even you. You let out a sigh of relief as your car door closed behind you. Finally, safe. You took out your phone to let your friend know you were leaving.

“Y/n!” Suguru called out as he plopped down in your passenger seat, scaring a squeal out of you. What the fuck?!  

“Get out you bastard!” You yelled at him.

“I just want to talk!” He said back, not yelling, but definitely talking louder than he normally did.

“You’ve fucking lost it Geto!” You matched his tone, “This is breaking and entering!”

“I’m pretty sure that only applies to buildings, Gorgeous.” He grinned, and it was so charming you almost forgot you hated him. 

“Don’t call me gorgeous!” You hissed, “I have nothing to say to you!”

“I have so much to say to you though!”

“Too bad, get out of my car!”

“Give me five minutes!”

“No! I’m going home!”

“You can’t drive like this Y/n! You’re drunk.” You started to yell a comeback, but realized you didn’t have one. He was right. You were starting to feel the drinks of the nights, and we're definitely not good to drive. 

“Then I’ll walk home!” You scoffed. And he laughed. He actually had the audacity to laugh. 

“No you won’t.” He chuckled, “You live too far away. Plus, you would never leave your car unattended at a frat party.” He was right again. You hated how well he knew you. “Let me drive you.” He offered.

“No. you’re drunk too.” you scoffed.

“Am not,” He informed you, “I just got here.”

“Then what the fuck compelled you to just…get into my fucking car?” You asked, still flabbergasted by the audacity. The Suguru you knew would never have done that. He fumbled, looking for an answer. Truth was, he didn’t know why he did it either. 

“I miss you Y/n.” was the best he could offer. You sighed, a deep sigh that felt like it was pulled straight out of your sorrow and you threw your head back onto your headrest. You stared at the roof of your car. This was a bad idea. Suguru came with far too many emotions. Wounds that had barely had time to scab over were ripping open in real time, bigger than they ever were before. 

If you were smart, you would have gotten out of the car. You would have found Gojo to have him collect Suguru, and found your friend to have them drive you home. Or at least have them call you a cab. If you were smart, you would have told him to leave you the fuck alone. You would have saved your heart the extra heart break. You would have forced yourself to remember all the fighting that led you to where you were now, the pain, the heartbreak, the neglect. 

But, you weren’t feeling particularly bright that night. And all you could remember was the soft Suguru. The one that held you close at night, and asked before he kissed you. The one that took you out on late night dates in famous cemeteries cause he read it in a romance novel and thought it was just oh so romantic. You sighed and handed him your keys.

He gave a far too enthusiastic Yes! As the two of you changed seats. You settled into the passenger seat, already regretting your decision. You buckled up as he started the car.

“Are you hungry?” He asked, looking at you. You returned the look, though yours was laced with far more annoyance. 

“I’m annoyed.” you respond. He rolled his eyes.

“I’m just saying, food would be nice. Would probably help you avoid a hangover too.” A hangover sounded like a nightmare. Once again, you relented. 

“Fine, but you’re paying.” he grinned.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He said, pulling out to the street. He turned up the radio, a smile spreading across his face as he heard the song. Everlong, by the Foo Fighters. It made you smile too. Suddenly, you weren’t in your car anymore. You were sitting on Toji Zenins couch, nervously fiddling with your hands as he weighed out an ounce of weed. He’d been your plug for a few weeks at that point, but you still hadn’t grown used to his aura. 

You jumped when there was a knock at his door, and he looked just as confused before a realization dawned on him. “Oh, shit. I think I okay-ed two people to come over on accident.” he laughed to himself. “Hope that's okay Y/n.” he said, going to get the door. It wasn’t, you wanted to leave. But, you didn’t say that. Sometimes you wished you did. 

“Heyy! Weedman!” You heard a now familiar, but then utterly unrecognizable voice. “Thanks for covering me on such short no- Oh, hello!” Gojo said as he walked into the living room, seeing you sitting awkwardly on the couch. Suguru was behind him, quietly observing you. He smiled softly, raising his hand in a wave. His long black hair perfectly framed his sculpted face. His kind eyes seemed mismatched with his almost mischievous smile. You couldn't help but be sucked into his orbit. You smiled gently and waved back. 

“Hi.” before you knew it, Suguru was sitting next to you while Gojo rambled about..something. Honestly, he was always rambling about something. You don’t know why you didn’t leave after you got your weed. Maybe it was because Toji offered to smoke with the three of you to apologize for double booking, maybe it was because Geto kept managing to catch your eye. Either way, the two of you hadn’t really spoken, Toji and Satoru speaking enough for both of you. 

Suguru passed a joint to you as Everlong came on the radio. Toji grimace. “Man, this song is shit.” He said, going to turn it off.

“Watch yourself Zenin,” Suguru said, pointing at Toji and stopping him in his tracks. “This songs hot as fuck, disrespect it again and we’re gonna have a problem.” You really liked Sugurus' voice. 

“Chillax man, this songs not worth trippin’ over.” Toji scoffed, “Especially considering it’s not good.”

“I like it.” You said, the weed making you feel bolder than usual. “I really like the Foo Fighters.”

“Not you too Y/n.” Toji groaned, finally stepping away from the stereo. Suguru looked at you and grinned. It made butterflies explode in your stomach.

“I knew you had taste.” He praised. It was the first thing he had ever said to you. 

“Here.” Suguru said, handing you your drink and jerking you off of memory lane. You grabbed the drink and thanked him. You realized the two of you were parked now. You looked at the burger he handed you and smiled. 

“You remember my order.” You commented. He scoffed as if that was almost insulting.

“Of course I do. I remember everything about you.” He muttered. The two of you started to eat, a pregnant silence filling the car. That pregnant silence, then gave birth to many other smaller but just as intense silences. Blink 182 played softly in the background, but no matter how many times Mark Hoppus asked what his age was, it didn’t cut through the awkwardness in that car. 

“Look, Y/n, I know I-” Suguru started. Rage and despair welled up inside of you.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Geto.” You said very bluntly, finishing your fries. 

“But I-” he started, but cut himself off. He didn’t want to push his already unbelievable luck. But someone had to say something. He smiled softly to himself. “Hey, do you remember when the Red Hot Chili Peppers dropped By The Way-”

“Album or song?” You cut him off to ask.

“Album,” He clarified, “And we raided 7/11 and drove around all night, listening to it on repeat.” You laughed because you did remember that. You remembered it like it was yesterday. You could still taste the blue slushy on your tongue as you tried desperately to analyze lyrics while Suguru insisted The Red Hot Chili Peppers were not the kinda band you analyze the lyrics too, they’re the band you get high to. 

Still, you remembered getting goosebumps the first time you heard Midnights, the opening verse of “Things will never be the same/Still I'm awfully glad I came/Resonating in the shape of things to come/Never waiting when I know there's only one” Speaking to your soul in ways you didn’t quite understand then, but felt like you did now. 

“Yea, I remember,” You giggled, “I think there's still a stain on my seat from you getting mustard on it.” You said, searching for said blemish, “Yea! There it is, right there!” The permanent mark he left in your car. 

“Hey, it is not my fault that you can't eat 7/11 hot dogs without mustard.” He laughed.

“No, but it is your fault you couldn't keep it on your dog, you dog!” You teased.

“I blame Anthony Kiedis.” He grinned with a shrug. This was nice. This felt like old times. This felt like the moments where he was actually him. 

“I think that album’s still in my car.” you muttered. 

One whirlwind later and you were getting slurpees at 7/11, the cashier looking at the two of you with disdain as you laughed and made a mess of the machine he just cleaned. Blue for you, red for him, just like it had always been. Suguru had to grab sour gummy worms and twizzlers. He still couldn’t leave a convenience store without them. He didn’t even like twizzlers, not really. It just ‘felt right’ to grab them. Whatever that means.

You were looking through your CD case when suddenly, he stopped you.

“We got to listen to a different album.” He said out of nowhere.

“What?” You scoffed.

“We can’t try to recreate the magic of the By The Way album release. It would be disingenuous.” He insisted.

“I thought that was the whole point!” You argued, before groaning. “Ugh, Fine! Umm…” You shuffled through CDs. “Fall Out Boy just released an album.”

“Who?” He asked, squinting his eyes in confusion. 

“They’re a new band out of Chicago. This is their debut studio album, it’s called Take This To Your Grave.” you said, holding up the blue jeweled case. Suguru looked…hurt. Like the cavalry had come and made it their personal mission to trample him into the dust.

“You’ve been listening to new bands without me?” He asked, starting the car. That bitter taste of resentment filled your mouth again.

“Well, yea. Life didn’t end because we did.” Besides, this album had been helping you more than you were willing to admit. He nodded in defeat, biting his lip as the two of you pulled onto the road.

“Play it.” he muttered. You didn’t know if you were thrilled with or deeply regretted your decision to play this album, but the opening verse was cutting. Light that smoke, Yeah, one for giving up on me/ And one just 'cause they'll kill you sooner than my expectations/ To my favorite liar, to my favorite scar (to my favorite scar)/ I could have died with you.

“Well fuck Y/n, Is there something you’d like to say to me?” He tried to laugh, but the humor didn’t make it to his voice. “Feels a little targeted.” you shrugged.

“We all cope in different ways.” you muttered. You thought back on your relationship. A backseat romance that belonged to parking lots and famous cemeteries. A relationship that existed on highways and at dingy basement shows, and always on his terms. It was fun at first, even you had to admit. And, maybe it could have stayed as just fun, if he wasn’t so fucking…sweet! He was always so tender with you in the afterglow of your nights together, even if that just met cleaning you up with fast food napkins in his back seat. He was a cuddler too, insisting on you staying the night with him after your nights together under the guise of it being late, when you both knew it was so the two of you could hold each other.

It wasn’t just the after care though, or the sex for that matter. It was him bringing you candy and setting up a movie marathon when he knew you were struggling with your classes. It was him giving you a copy of Rebecca that he annotated because he wanted to share his thoughts with you about it. It was him giving you a copy of The Color and the Shape album because it had Everlong on it, and that was “Our Song” according to him. How could you not have fallen in love?

It started to hurt. That he was so willing to be so sweet and tender with you behind closed doors, but the moment you wanted to be something more, he froze. Suddenly, he didn't know why you guys needed to put a label on things! You guys were having fun, why did you want to mess up ‘the dynamic’ whatever the fuck that ment. Yea, he was fun. But you were tired of being just another hook up in a dingy venue bathroom. Absolutely sick of having to sneak out of his bedroom window, because his roommates would start asking questions if they saw you there for the fourth time that week. He constantly promised he was going to make things official, he just needed time. But, it wasn’t like you were asking him to fucking marry you, just to change your fucking title and maybe take you out on a real date every once in awhile.

Doubts started to fill your head. There had to be a reason he wouldn’t commit to you, right? Was it another girl? Was something wrong with you? It all came to a head six months ago. The two of you were laying in his bed, Crestfallen by The Smashing Pumpkins softly playing in the background as the two of you shared a cigarette, pleasure still throbbing between your legs as you listened to the steady beat of his heart. 

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He purred, gently petting your head. You hummed in response, not really believing it at this point. He picked up on your doubt, “I’m serious.” he doubled down. “You’re probably the prettiest girl I’ve ever been with.” He chuckled.

“That so?” You asked, taking the cigarette from him, “Then why aren’t I your girlfriend?” you asked, blowing smoke in his face. He grimaced as he waved it away.

“We’re doing this again? Seriously?” he seemed so…annoyed. Like this whole conversation equated to a nat he couldn’t quite seem to swat. 

“No.” you shut down, “We’re not.”

“Good.” he said, taking the smoke back, “I’ve told you before, we’re perfect as we are.”

“Perfect for you maybe.”

“Y/n.”

“What? You can’t seriously be shocked I don’t agree with you.” you scoffed, rage starting to bubble in your stomach.

“I’m not shocked. I just don’t get it. What could you possibly get out of a title that’s worth all of the fighting you’re doing for it?” you could feel yourself seething, your blood boiling over. Did he ever listen to you?

“Well, for starters I’d get the safety of knowing that you probably weren't out sleeping around with anyone willing to open their legs for you.” It was Getos turn to seethe. You could tell by the way his jaw clenched that you had struck a nerve deep inside him.

“Oh, is that what you think I’m doing in my free time? Just fucking anyone and everyone? That I’m so pussy motivated I just can’t keep it in my pants? Well if that's the case, Babe,” The word ‘Babe” had never sounded so dirty. You would have rather he called you slut, bitch, dumbass, anything. “What makes you think that having a “GiRlFrIeNd is going to magically make me loyal? Huh? What then, Gorgeous? And, not to be that guy, but you’ve let me fuck you in just about every venue, parking lot, and random bedroom this town has to offer, and I’m not even your boyfriend. So who’s to say you’re going to keep your legs shut just because we’re official, huh Sweetheart?” 

Suguru could make you feel on top of the world, or cheaper than dirt depending on his mood. That was the problem with English majors. They had a way with words and more often than not they used them for evil. Any heat you had left drained from your body, replaced only with an inescapable emptiness as you realized the Suguru you convinced yourself was next to you may not have even existed. 

And Geto knew he fucked up. He regretted the words as they were spilling out of his mouth, but he couldn’t stop himself and he couldn’t put them back now. The silence was heavy with all the words the two of you wanted to say to each other but couldn’t.

“Y/n-” Geto started, hand reaching for your shoulder, but all it did was break you out of your daze. You snapped, slapping his hand away as you got up and dressed.

“Don’t you fucking touch me. Don’t you ever fucking touch me again.”

“Y/n, wait, please, I didn’t mean that-” He struggled to defend himself, hurriedly putting on his pants. 

“You fucking said it Suguru! Lose my goddamn number, I am so fucking done here. It’s so good to know i’m just a fucking fleshlight to you.” you hissed, rushing out of his room.

“I never said that Y/n! You mean so much more to me than that, don’t go!-” he said, following you out.

“Clearly I fucking don’t!” You snapped. Oh good. His roommates, Satoru and Sukuna, were both sitting in the living room. 

“Yes you do Y/n, I love you!” He pleaded. He had never said that before. Satoru audibly gasped. Your entire body seized and seethed. You turned around and smacked him across the face without thinking, making Sukuna laugh,

“Don’t you ever fucking lie to me again Suguru Geto.”

“I’m not lying Y/n-”

“Shut up.” You cut him off. “I don’t fucking care anymore. You are the worst mistake I have ever fucking made.” You wanted to sound intimidating, but the tears in your voice gave you away. You rushed out of the door before he could see you cry, almost laughing at the “Have a good night!” Sukuna threw your way as you did. 

The sound of a car door closing snapped you out of your day dream. You were at another convenience store. When did you get here? Suguru had just plopped in the seat next to you, handing you a bag. 

“Hold these for me, will you, beautiful?” He asked. You did as he asked, looking into the bag.

“Suguru, these are four lokos.” You pointed out. 

“Yep. best flavors too.” While you may agree with the green apple, he also had a gold flavored one, which was just objectively wrong. Not the point.

“Dude, these will fuck you up, what do you think you’re doing?” You asked as he pulled into a park less than a block away from your apartment. The two of you had spent many a night here on the swings.

“Trying to get fucked up, duh.” He laughed as he took the bag. He handed you the green apple flavored can of death. You sighed as you took it, getting out of the car and moving to sit on the hood with him. You noticed he had turned off the CD, Like a Stone now drifting softly from your car speakers. You wondered when he finally gave up on it. You finally opened the green camo can, and winced as the drink electrocuted your now sober nervous system. 

The two of you fell into a comfortable silence as the alcohol saturated your systems. You wondered why you were here with him. What kept you coming back to Suguru Geto. Why couldn’t you just move on? Suddenly, you felt it in your bones when Chris Cornell groaned out “In your house, I long to be/ Room by Room, patiently/ I’ll wait for you there/ Like a stone” 

“I’m sorry.” He finally broke the silence. Your head whipped over to him. He was staring up at the stars. He looked so delicate in that moment. Like a gust of wind would shatter him into stardust. 

“What for?” You thought you knew, but you had to hear him say it.

“Everything.” Oh god, there were tears in his voice. It made you put down your four loko. “I’m sorry about all the shit I said to you the last time I saw you. I’m sorry I just tried to call instead of coming to face you, like a coward. And I’m sorry I couldn’t just man the fuck up and make you my girlfriend.” The words were tumbling out of him faster than he could process them, leaving him more vulnerable and honest than he would have liked.

It shook you. You weren't prepared for him to be so vulnerable with you that night. “It’s fine Suguru.” You muttered. He laughed and shook his head, finally looking at you.

“No it’s not. I hurt you.” He said matter of factly. “And then, I doubled down on it to make it all worse.” you were silent for a moment, staring at your dirty converse.

“W…why were you so against being with me officially?” You finally asked the question that had been weighing heavy on you for so long now. 

“I was scared.” He finally admitted. “I was so scared that if we put a label on it, things would change. That suddenly we wouldn’t be hanging out because we liked to be with each other anymore, that we’d just be doing it out of obligation.”

“Suguru, that's dumb.” You sighed, the booze making you a little more blunt that you otherwise would have been.

“I know that.” He laughed, bringing his knees to his chest. “I just…I don’t know. I thought if I kept you at an arm's length, I wouldn’t have to worry about it. There would be that space. But, I don’t know how to keep you at an arm's length. You’re like my favorite song, you get stuck in my head and I don’t even want to get you out. I just want you closer. So, I thought I’d maintain that space by just…not labeling us. And that clearly did more harm than good. When you left, I tried to just…let you go” he sighed, leaning back against the windshield of your car. He looked at you with love and adoration glimmering in his eyes. 

“I figured it was better that way, I tried to forget you. Yea, turns out that's a lot easier said than done. God, I can’t even think about listening to the Foo Fighters anymore. Which, Fucking Sucks because Everywhere But Here just dropped and I can’t bring myself to listen to it because you’re not there.” he laughed at his own stupidity, his palm meeting his forehead. He still couldn’t believe it took him losing you to realize how much you met. How cliche. 

You felt a lump in your throat. You had been wanting to listen to that album too, but couldn’t without him. It didn’t feel right. It felt like cheating. It was why you had picked up the fall out boy album instead. “You know,” You started, “You really hurt me. Like, you really fucking hurt me Suguru.”

“I know-” He sighed.

“But.” You cut him off, “I’ve also been a mess without you. It’s weird. You don’t really know how much you care about something until you’re missing it. And I thought I really cared about you even before the breakup.” You half chuckled to yourself. “And I mean, I want to still be mad about the fight. I want to hold it over your head. I wish I could hate you even half as much as I hate myself. But, I just can’t. I miss you.” you sighed, feeling foolish.

Suguru suddenly placed his hand on top of yours, pulling you out of your spiral. “I miss you too.” He confessed. Followed by a pause. “It’s not too late for us, ya know.” He finally said. “I’d really love to make you my girlfriend Y/n.”

🎵🎵🎵

Laughter filled the air as the two of you walked to your apartment building, deciding it was best to leave the car after the two of you had downed the alcoholic energy drinks. Buzzing with booze and caffeine was a different type of feeling. “Well, this is mine.” You smiled as the two of you walked up to your door.

“Sure is” Geto nodded, “Mind if I come in?” You couldn’t help but laugh at his sudden gentlemanly persona. 

“Was this your plan the whole time?”

“Not the whole time but it was definitely the end goal.” He admitted, and you couldn’t tell if his cheeks were red from embarrassment or alcohol. 

“And what was your plan if I said no?” You teased.

“Well, plan B was to see if you’d at least let me come in while I waited for Satoru to come pick me up.” He admitted. He really was one step ahead. 

“And if I said no to that?”

“Then I’d have one hell of a walk on my hands.” He laughed. You couldn’t help but giggle along with him. His laugh had always been infections. 

“Well, I’d hate to make you walk.” You chuckled as you unlocked your door, the two of you tumbling inside. In true Suguru fashion, he went straight to the stereo system in your room, looking to see what album you had been listening to. About a Girl filled the air of your small apartment. You chuckled softly as you joined him in your room. Of course he would play a CD he burned for you. 

You took a moment to actually take him in. mesh top clinging to his arms, an Alice in Chains shirt covering up the real action. His hair was messy from the walk, half up half down, and he now sported a slight stubble he hadn’t during your relationship. He looked good. He turned to look at you, dark eyes softening as he smiled softly.

“What?” He asked. You shook your head.

“Nothing.” you shrugged.

“Oh, so you wanna just keep eye fucking me? Ok, cool just making sure.” He laughed.

“And what's wrong with wanting to do that?” you laughed. He turned and smirked at you, moving to close the space.

“Why fuck me with your eyes when you could just fuck me?” He asked, a line you 're sure sounded way smoother in his head. You rolled your eyes as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“Yea, real smooth there Cruzan Cassanova, you-” You didn’t get to finish your sentence. Sugurus mouth had connected with you, the taste of pineapple alcohol and cigarettes mixing on your tongue. You melted into him, your hands coming up to tangle in his hair. You felt your pulse quicken as the kiss heated up, the drinks of the night combining with his presence to make your head spin. He bit your lip, using the small gasp you let out as an opportunity to deepen the kiss. 

God, you missed him. Your body cleared up any doubt, if there was any, in that fact with the way it immediately reacted to him. You felt his hands start to wander, moving down your spine to grab your ass. You wrapped your arms around his neck, trying to pull him impossibly closer. Your body tensed as you felt his hand slip under the waistband of your jeans and the elastic of your panties.

“Look at you princess,” He pulled back to smirk, lust filling his eyes, “Already soaking wet. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you missed me.” He never missed an opportunity to be condescending in bed, did he?

“Get fucked Suguru.” You groaned, your hips involuntary bucking into his hand as he pressed too fingers into your folds. You needed more.

“I assure you, I’m trying.” He grinned, removing his hand and making you almost scream in frustration. He kissed you before you could get a word in about how insufferable he could be. “I’m gonna take care of you Princess, don’t worry.” He assured you as he took your top off, “But it’s been awhile since I’ve been with my favorite girl. And I want to enjoy it.” he purred.

You weren’t sure how, but at some point he had gotten you on your bed and was taking off your pants. “Hey, no fair!” you panted as you realize. He paused what he was doing to look at you quizzically, trying to figure out when he had been anything other than fair. 

“You’re completely dressed and I’m basically naked.” You clarified sheepishly. Suguru held back a laugh at how cute you were. He finished his task, then took off his ratty band shirt.

“Better?” He asked. You felt like you were going to burn from the inside out as you looked at him. The mesh perfectly outlining every bump and crevice of his perfect body. Greek gods wished they looked like him. You nodded.

“Much.” you said as Suguru dragged you to the edge of the bed. You felt needy and helpless under him. He dropped to his knees in between your legs, kissing your inner thighs with intent to bruise. More than once he ghosted himself right where you needed him the most, filling you with frustration. “Suguru please..” You moaned out.

“Please what Princess?” He asked, smirking up at you.

“Please Sug, I need you to touch me.” You begged.

“But I am touching you Darling.” You almost kicked him.

“Suguru Please!” You begged.

“Princess, you can’t already be fucked stupid. I’ve barely touched you, Pretty-”

“Yea, that’s the problem!” you whined. He chuckled darkly at your pain, but relented.

“Where do you want me Princess? Right here?” he asked, fingers ghosting over your clothes core. Your breath hitched and you nodded frantically.

“Use your words Babygirl, you know the rules.” You took a deep breath.

“Yes, please Sir, I want you to play with my pussy.” You felt red hot saying all of those things out loud, but god the look in his eyes was fucking worth it. He was taking off your panties in an instant, marveling at the sting of slick that connected you to them until it snapped. 

“Fucking Christ.” He moaned to himself, one of his hands going to grind on his hard cock. “I’ve barely fucking touched you and you’re fucking gushing.” He chuckled, his hands finally moving to where you needed him to be. The moan you let out as his fingers finally found your clit was embarrassing. “Can anyone else do this to you Doll?” you shook your head almost violently.

“No, no sir. No one but you.” You panted softly, getting lost in the bliss currently filling your bloodstream. Shit, you 're not going to last long. 

“That’s what I thought.” He chuckled darkly, two fingers abruptly darting into your cunt and making your entire body tense. “My slutty girl only puts out like this for me, isn’t that right?” 

“Yes sir.”

“Good girl.” he said, rewarding you with a third finger. You gasped at the feeling, your soaking pussy taking anything it could get and more. He curled his fingers, sending a rush of electric endorphins through your body as he graced your g-spot. You moaned out his name, your hands curling into your sheets. 

“Just out of curiosity, what have you been doing for six months without me?” His eyes were dark, letting you know he wasn’t just asking what new books you’d read.

“Thought of you.” You moaned, a tight knot forming in your stomach. 

“Oh?” He asked, pausing his actions. He wanted details.

“I thought about you fucking me.” Right answer, he started moving again, “I thought about how good your cock stretched me out, and how good it felt inside me. I pretended it was you fucking me whenever I used my toys, but it wasn’t enough. Nothing feels like you do Sug,” You moaned out your sloppy confessional. His thumb had found your clit and was massaging it in time with his relentless fingers. His free hand groping himself through his jeans, needed even an ounce of friction. “I’m so fucking close..”

“You’re goddamn right nothing feels like Me princess.” he groaned to distract himself, least he cum in his jeans like a fucking teenager. You felt yourself speeding off a cliff, his words only aiding in pressing the accelerator. “You think a fucking toy could make you feel even an ounce of what I make you feel? That's naive at best Darling. You’re fucking mine nothing and no one is ever going to make you feel the way that I do. Cum for me Princess.”

A few strokes later and you came hard on his fingers, pussy clenching around him in beautiful ways. Suguru didn’t know if he wanted to watch your cunt or your face, but it didn't matter really. He didn’t plan on letting up anytime soon. He finger fucked you through your high, removing his fingers only after you had semi-calmed down. 

He moved over you, slipping his fingers into your mouth which you gladly cleaned off for him, always eager to show him how good you were. You pulled off with a loud pop, looking at him with doe eyes for approval. You assumed he approved, because he was very quickly freeing himself of his tripp pants and boxers with the efficiency only a mall goth could ever possess. He was in between your legs before you had even fully processed what was going on.

He leaned down to leave rough kisses on your neck, the blissful pain of the bruises forming almost distracted you from the feeling of his cock pushing into your soaking wet cum. Almost. Nothing could ever fully distract you from the euphoria of Suguru Getos cock stretching you out in ways only he could. You moaned out his name, hands flying to claw at his back through the mesh shirt. 

He faltered, letting out a shaking breath as he felt your warmth for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. “Fuck Y/n. I swear to whatever god there is this pussy was fucking made for me.” He said through a breathy laugh, pulling back just to push back in, stroking your g-spot beautifully and earning himself an embarrassing moan from you.

“So fucking good for me.” he groaned. Every stroke of his hips sent a new wave of electricity through your core, your body reacting to his every move and begging him for more. If Suguru Geto was a drug you were an addict. The pleasure sent your head swirling and your nerves on fire. 

“God you feel so fucking good,” he groaned as he rolled his hips into yours, “I can’t fucking believe you forgot you we’re mine.” He said, his movements suddenly becoming rougher, forcing you to yelp out his name. “You tried to leave me and then couldn’t even get yourself off Doll, it’s almost cute.” He mocked. “You’re mine do you understand? This cunt belongs to me, Do you get that?” you nodded, trying desperately to take in all his words while the coil in your stomach began to tighten again. He had never been so possessive before. 

“Answer me Slut.” He demanded with a rough buck of his hips. You nodded violently.

“Yes! Yes Sir.” You groaned. You wouldn't argue even if you could have. 

“Say it.” He demanded, “Say my name, say you belong to me.”

“I’m all yours Suguru, You’re and only yours. I’ll never leave again.” You said, your second climax coming on faster than you would have liked. Every stroke of his hips hit your g-spot dead on. He really did know your body better than anyone else.

“Damn right you won’t.” He groaned, his hind falling between your bodies to massage circles into your clit. Your entire body tensed with pleasure as you started to come undone again.

“Sug-”

“I know.” There was no mistaking the way your pussy fluttered around him. He knew you were close. “Cum on me, cum on cock.” You didn’t need to be asked twice. A few more strokes of his dick and you were coming undone all over it.

“You’re so pretty when you cum Princess.” He said darkly, somehow picking up his pace. He wasn;t worried about your pleasure anymore, you got yours. He wanted his. And you felt so good around him, warm and velvety. He could stay in between your legs forever and be happy. He moved your legs over his shoulders, managing to fuck you even deeper than he was before. Your overstimulated moans only adding fuel to his fire. 

“You’re so pretty whenyou’re fucked out, you know that?” He said, condescension dripping from his voice. “So fucking pretty, You’re gonna look even better with my cum dripping out of your pussy, you know that?” The way you moaned and the way you clenched around him was enough to send him over the edge, filling you to the brim and somehow still finding the energy to fuck some of it back into you before collasping onto you.

The two of you stayed like that for a while, him inside of you and holding you close to him. You felt more thankful than ever to be on the pill as you played with his soft hair.

“I…is fucking Closer playing? Nine Inch Nails?” You asked, suppressing a laugh as you tuned into the song. Suguru lifted up his head to listen, laughing as he registered Trent Reznors distorted growl. 

“Oh my god, I think it is.” He laughed, “I forgot this was on here.”

“Helluva song to hook up to.” You laughed. He nodded in agreement. 

“Yea, definitely not the best for a hookup. But maybe not bad for a round two?”

[ballet-symphonie]

There's plenty of criticism for the young generations, the likes of Denisova, Sergeenkova (from BT), Khoreva, Ilyushkina (from MT), etc, and saying how they don't compare to the old(er) generations, Zakharova, Obratsova, Krystanova, Kaptsova,Novikova, Kondaurova... etc etc. So I'm wondering, how did the old generations do when they were new graduates around 20 years old? Were they having the same issues back then as these new dancers are having now (technical sloppiness? lack of artistry? lack of preparation for big roles?...) How do these young gen dancers compare to them when they were young?

The obvious comparison is Zakharova, this is the woman who was admitted directly into the graduating class at VBA and never spent a second in the corps. She has still set the record for speed and made principal at 18. Absolutely ridiculous. But then again, she came out of school looking like this. While she certainly didn't have the emotional depth and soulful lyricism that she developed later, she had beautifully sustained lines and nearly impeccable turnout.

Many of today's graduates have similar body types to her, but nowhere NEAR her precision or control of those extraordinarily long legs. The level of emotional depth perhaps wasn't quite there, but the technical proficiency is simply insane. But even then, that's her Nikiya at age 20...we've seen far worse in recent years.

Kondaurova is a totally different case. It's difficult to find old performance videos of her...likely because she wasn't doing anything that people deemed worthy of filming. She was not considered a prodigy at graduation, at 26 years old she was still a second soloist and it took her 12 years to get to prima- with some serious lobbying by her coaches and outside choreographers. Today's 'star' grads aren't fighting like Kondaurova. No one wanted to give her classical roles, she and her coach, then Chenikova had to battle for her to be given chances. It's maddening because we have 20-year-old first soloists and 22-year-old primas and no one bats an eye. Ratmansky was quite impressed with her, "She is more spontaneous on stage than most of her colleagues. And everything that often looks like improvisation is actually well rehearsed." That's a key difference between her and a lot of today's grads, she put in the work to appear so spontaneous and carefree- not to look technically perfect.

While there are minimal videos, I can definitely see how much she improved in the early years of her career. The clarity of pointework, stability of turnout, and general presence are much improved in the later video.

Krysanova is someone who I think had a well-paced career, but by today's pace, it looks like she was sleepwalking. She graduated BBA with a handful of prizes, and she had attention from the start. She did 3 solid years in the corps and then took another 5 years to get to prima under the detailed preparation of one of the Bolshoi's best coaches: Svetlana Adyrkhaeva. Again, Ratmansky pushed and praised her along with Osipova and she was a principal at 26- the youngest at the time. She was and continues to be, the go-to ballerina at BT for new choreographers, featured in premiere after premiere because everyone wants to harness her versatility, but that took time to develop. The older videos of her are quite good, but not mind-blowingly so in my opinion.

Obratzsova did indeed graduate to a big fuss and her star only continued to rise. She is similar to the current age of graduates, as she got loads of big roles early. By reading old reviews, there's pretty much an overwhelmingly positive consensus. She was a sensation to audiences with her Juliet, the youngest ever to dance it at MT, expertly guided by Ninel Kurgapkina. Her confidence and lightness was just irresistible, you couldn't not fall in love with her. From day one, she had the charm, the poise, and the style. Her presence was what got her roles, despite being a bit undersized. If she graduated today, I'm not sure she'd have the same opportunities. Similarly to Iliushkina, she won the gold medal at Moscow, and while reports suggest she went against administration in doing so, she proved that she could handle herself in a huge variety of repertoire. Only three years after graduating, people like Carla Fracci and Pierre Lacotte were creating work specifically for her, inside and outside of Mariinsky. This current young generation is definitely less sought after, with the exception of Khoreva, for freelancing/media/creations- although a lot of that can be blamed on COVID and then the war.

Marina Vasilyeva really struck gold in 2002 with both Novikova and Obratsova in the same class. Novikova arrived at the theatre with splendid port de bras and an organized presentation, in addition to snatching the top prize at the Vaganova International Ballet Competition in her graduating year. Additionally remarkable is her phrasing, looking blissfully effortless in addition to the intricacies of her upper body even from a young age. Every step was always clear, although not quite as luminous as she later became. I think today's graduates should be watching more videos of her and taking note of her fluidity. It took her far too long to get to principal, but she was a first soloist in 6 years, a well paced timeline in my opinion.

Nina Kaptsova really had a strong start to her career. She was dancing solo roles from her first season at the Bolshoi. In 1999, only 3 years after graduating, she was nominated for the prestigious Benois de la Danse prize. A year later, she won it. Even so, she wasn't named principal until 2011. These dancers are simply part of a different timeline, it seems like it's becoming more and more common to see dancers graduate and become principals in 5 years or less, particularly at the Bolshoi.

[ticklishsuccubusiris]

13. Is there a tickling fantasy or scenario that you've always wanted to experience?

14. What is your go-to music when you want to feel happy?

13. Oh god the *many* fantasies and scenarios I've had.

To name one: one scenario that I wish was possible would be getting preyed upon by a tickle slime, if you know the 3 figured blue slime from Cackling Cave you know which one. It wouldn't need to go fast, it would be an ambush tickler. I would be oblivious to its presence until it's too late for me to escape.

It would slowly envelop me as I try to back or crawl away, in short order dissolving any clothing/protection starting at my feet. Since it can create whatever sensations it wants on its prey, it could begin tickling my feet and legs at any spot. Likely starting off with light and gentle tickles and teases to gauge what it should do. Obviously it has the ability to hold me still and in whatever vulnerable "you are fucked" position.

As it holds my feet perfectly still it speads my toes apart to all the evil-to-attack skin between and beneath my toes are open to assault. It would start off by having "fingers" attack any exposed skin. So my heels, arches, tops, toes, ankles, and the balls of my feet are inundated with a gentle flood of tickling. I obviously begin giggling and laughing as so many spots are attacked at once, no matter how gently.

As the slime spread up my knees and thigh begin receiving much the same treatment, my knees overall are still ticklish (not to the same extent as my feet or else I'd be dead by now) and the slime can feel me fruitlessly pulling at my feet and legs. Muscles tensing and untensing, helpless squirms and the such.

It learns where it needs to be rougher and focused to add to my terror. Light swishes and pokes turn into digging motions and squeezes to my calves and the bends of my knees, getting slightly closer to breaking me without having access to every tickle spot.

Laughing in despair I try my best to pull myself away but like a fly in a spider's web it is far too late to save myself. The more I struggle the more curious and determined the slime gets. My laughter only fueling it more.

I feel and watch the slime start crawling up my legs and surrounding my thighs, dissolving any protection I hoped would help. The "hands" growing in size to be able to squish and squeeze more of my thighs more deeply (I have big squishy thighs so meeep). It keeps getting worse and worse for me, soon my upper body is next and it is where tickles make me actually feel vulnerable.

The slime of course attack and squeeze those weak spots above my kneecaps and begins getting itself into the area where my hips and thighs connect, leaving my lower half completely exposed. It's done this attack before on other unfortunate souls who got trapped, and those how fucking crazy sustained attacks can really drive its victins up the wall. So it begins digging and drilling that region making me shake and let out a scream among my laughter before stopping.

It found a spot to save for later to really crack me if I haven't given up by whenever it decides. It also tests my hips, looking for a combination that makes me feel like a toy. Just the right mix of helplessness and ticklishness. (I actually fear my hips may be an unexplored death spot, which would give me 3 death spots if true).

It's setting in how little control I have, if any, as this tickle monster is determined to savor and pull chords of laughter out of me. Like I'm a toy with treats inside being attacked by a pet that wants the reward, and will try all sorts of things to get it out.

Slapping the slime with my hands does nothing but let it begin wrapping around my digits and hands, looking at my wrists to see little streamers of slime working its way further up my arms, at a teasingly slow pace.

It begins ramping up its attack on my poor feet, some fingers speed up further increasing my now solid laughter that I strain to hold for even a moment. A brief panic sets in before returning to hilarity upon feeling some hands begin to move at once to known weakspots. Moving to spots where the heel and arches meet while others go to the underside of the balls of my feet.

I can't take it and begin trying to free my feet for even a moment's respite, only to be met with even greater resistance as the slime has begun sapping my energy. It decides to settle me down by switching some of the hands to claws, a change I feared. My feet feel like they're under assault by many hands of sharp nails and evil fingers squiggling about the softest spots. I didn't know I could laugh this hard.

For a moment the fingers digging between my toes stop, only for the sensation to turn into something far worse: small rough tongues like those of a cat but worse as they can glide back and forth far faster than a cat could ever.

I roar and beg for this slime to do anything but that, but to no answer, only continued lickles. No escape, just laugh for the monster as you go from a strong woman to some sort of hysterical victim.

It's like they're not my feet anymore but a plaything I face the consequences of.

I think the tongues are spreading, clearly encouraged by my reactions. If my toes hate it so much, why not elsewhere? As far as the slime is concerned I may be a tasty thing of ice cream, needs to be licked to be enjoyed.

It spreads up even more, my top being dissolved away giving the slime access to even more spots. Up my sides, on my tummy, across my ribs, all over my chest and into my armpits.

It hits all at once, like I just had a swarm of ticklers descend on me. All the squeezing, poking, prodding and dancing of who knows what on my upper body is too much. I can't get out words, only pained howls of helpless gargalesis. It knows my weaknesses as well as, if not more than me. All those spots I never had a chance to feign not being as sensitive are being punished for their sensitivity.

As if it knew where tickle and death spots were prior to tickling; it doesn't make sense, it couldn't know I was even ticklish to begin with!

In what little room for thought I have remaining, most going to the desperate cries my body is sending to me to shield it, keep the hands away, NO NOT THERE, and all other sorts of jumbled pleas to protect the tickle spots. I can't and won't be able to anymore. The panic reaction that makes me erupt waves of hysteria and endless fruitless attempts to protect even the smallest spot slowly eating away at my will.

I didn't think it would escalate further and let my guard down enough to hold on to my sanity. It was a critical mistake as the tendrils drilling in my pits morph into soft-bristled fingers. The best explanation for whatever that vile creature created in my pits. It's a torturous mix of deliberate pokes, squeezes and skittering mixed with the feeling of dozens of little paintbrushes overlapping or trailing right behind fingers.

My pits scream in ticklish agony, never feeling so stupidly in need of help. I can't help myself at all as my arms are held at the wrists and biceps, my hands held apart and being tickled. The maddening grabs and poking of my biceps. The fear of those hands abandoning my biceps and aiding those destroying my pits.

I want to scream and beg for help, to make the slime not tickle me to wits end. The slime will never let that happen and surrounds my neck. I suddenly feel countless sloppy kisses and licks all around it. And why are there floral and other great smelling scents around me??? We're in a cave.

A fleeting thought plants itself into the front of my mind: aphrodisiacs being treated by my brain as sweet perfumes. The tickly kisses and licks combined with the tickle treatment from hell, and this evil ploy at the end shatter whatever is left of my focus. I'm dragged through my imagination imagining those I find attractive or people I had looked up to kissing and licking away at my 2nd death spot. It's unfair and cruel, making me feel those people are simultaneously betraying and arousing me. Dear friends going from highly trusted and respected people to ticklers out for the most broken of laughs.

My slipping sanity makes me hear teases and taunts no one is saying, compounding my ticklish suffering. Teases about how ticklish I am, about where they're gonna strike, how they know what I feel and laugh at how dirty my mind is. The random yet endless streams of *tickletickletickle* *kitchykitchycoo* *no escape for you ticklish*

The horror of knowing the slime absolutely loves my animalistic howling laughter and my sense of utter helplessness and weakness. Brought to the land of insanity through tickle torture, knowing I won't be allowed to pass out or escape in any way unless someone takes pity on me and frees me.

So omfg that became a long story. I think my imagination shines here in tickle fiction of all things. I really am a stupidly needy lee.

14. May sound weird but a mix of vocaloid songs like Mr. Music, Pomp and Circumstance, etc. Then revolutionary music from the past like songs in Grenada from 1978/9 to 1983. Or Venceremos.

[bcolfanfic]

everytime i listen to picture me better by weyes blood i can't help but think of young vets buck and bucky. my heart hurt everytime i think of those boys. you've written them so perfectly. <3

what are some songs you associate with either of them?

heyy sorry it took me so long to get to this (and everything else in my box)- it’s finals szn at my law school and my brain is gonna be at like- total capacity till next thursday at 5pm central time. buttttt. i am big music as a story mood setter person so lotsss of thoughts. gonna focus on young vets au here, but i can make another similar post for show canon if ppl like this? im biggg into oldies music so that would actually be fun to me!

disclaimer: re: the young vets au the “veterans” part of the story takes place starting in august 2021 after the us pulled out of afghanistan. If you see a song and think “but wait that didn't come out until this year so they couldn't listen to that in 2022/2023” simply work with me here and don’t think that <3 LOL.

bucky

biggg zach bryan person and i think in general really likes that specific niche of “new age” country music. gets *irritated* by the hardcore conservative military country music lmfao, those vets that go hard in the sand for songs like courtesy of the red white and blue? not his people. that song gives him hives. also a big fleetwood mac guy, just scratches an itch on his brain. likes florence + the machine too.

east side of sorrow - zach bryan

i lost friends in the august heat / at night it was God I'd always meet / i said, "Lord, won't you bring me home? / i've got women in the west i wanna hold

oklahoma smokeshow - zach bryan

there's so much whiskey in his coke it'll make her nose bend / but she swears that his love is a damn God send / she's known God since she was a child

el dorado - zach bryan

you used to say you'd settle down / but that kind girl from school in town /she was gone before you got back home

to El Dorado, hell if I know if you're still alive /there's a note in the glovebox in your drive / El Dorado, hell if they know the difference in a hero / and a man i wish was still by my side

burn, burn, burn - zach bryan

i wanna be a child climbin' trees somewhere / breathin' in the fresh outside air / before I knew this life was unkind

you should probably leave - chris stapleton

sun on your skin, 6 am /and i been watchin' you sleep / and honey, i'm so afraid you're gonna wake up and say / that you should probably leave

me against the mountain - ian munsick

it’s me against the mountain / most days the mountain wins / but i’ll meet you tonight my love or i’ll meet my end / either way an angel’s waitin when i fought this fight

painkillers - rainbow kitten surprise

living just comes with a bit of heartache / heartache comes with a bit of young faith / faith stays young till your heart get broken / hope grows up to become someday / i never hurt no one and no one will ever hurt me / i believe i believe i believe i believe

motorcycle - colter wall

well, i figure i'll buy me a motorcycle / wrap her pretty little frame around a telephone pole / ride her off a mountain like old arlo

physco - jack kittel

don't hand me johnny's pup, mama / 'cause i might squeeze him too tight / i'm having crazy dreams again, mama

go your own way - fleetwood mac

if i could / baby, i’d give you my world / open up / everything's waiting for you

third eye - florence + the machine

i'm the same / i'm the same / i'm trying to change

astrovan - mt. joy

he said son you're famous in heaven / maybe you're famous in heaven / maybe there is no heaven / maybe we're all along together now / but i don't wanna see those tears again / you know Jesus drives an astrovan

gold dust woman - fleetwood mac

take your silver spoon, dig your grave / heartless challenge / pick your path and i'll pray

all these things that i’ve done - the killers

i got soul / but i'm not a solider

between me and you - brandon flowers

the first time that i saw your face / time stood still / i found my place / now i'm watching it tear out of my arm

gale

listens to zach bryan for bucky but his country music niche is more on the tyler childers side of things. likes older music too bc it’s what his mom would play around the house and he finds it comforting. i think he likes pop music more than bucky does lol, bucky ribs him a lil about some of it but he finds it endearing. the taste they share the most i think is the fleetwood mac and the killers/brandon flowers stuff.

follow you to virgie - tyler childers

back when all us boys were tryin' / to make sense of all these string / i can see her in the corner / singing along to all our crazy dreams

coal - tyler childers

so sometimes, i imagine that I'm getting pretty close to hell / and in my darkest hour, i cry out to the Lord / he says, "keep on a-mining, boy, 'cause that's why you were born

nose on the grindstone - tyler childers

well daddy, i've been tryin', i just can't catch a break / there's too much in this world that i can't seem to shake / but i remember your words, lord, they bring me the chills / keep your nose on the grindstone and out of the pills

folsom prison blues - johnny cash

i bet there's rich folks eatin' from a fancy dinning car /they're prob'ly drinkin' coffee and smoking big cigars / well i know i had it comin' i know i can't be free / but those people keep a movin' and that's what tortures me

old rugged cross - alan jackson (i’ve made a woowoo post about this before/bucky being gale’s cross to carry but. in my mind he listens to this on the drive home when bucky’s in the hospital. has to pull over to cry a lil. sweet boy.)

to the old rugged cross i will ever be true / it's shame and reproach gladly bear

where we’ll never grow old - johnny cash

when our work here is done / and our life's crown is won / and out troubles and trials are o'er / all our sorrows will end / and our voices will blend / with the loved ones who've gone on before

(sittin on’) the dock of the bay - otis redding

sittin' here resting my bones / and this loneliness won't leave me alone / it's two thousand miles i roamed / just to make this dock my home

wouldn’t it be nice - the beach boys

oh we could be married / and then we'd be happy / woudn't it be nice?

the chain - fleetwood mac

listen to the wind blow, down comes the night / running in the shadows / damn your love / damn your lies

romeo and juliet - the killers

i can't do the talk like the talk on the TV / and i can't do a love song like the way it's meant to be / i can't do everything but i'd do anything for you / i can't do anything except be in love with you

xo - beyonce

in the darkest night hour (in the darkest night hour) / i'll search through the crowd (i'll search through the crowd) / your face is all that i see / i'll give you everything

if i ain't got you - alicia keys

said nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing / if i ain't got you with me, baby

sweet escape - gwen stefani

come on let's bounce / counting on you to turn me around / instead of clowning around / let's look for some common ground

come on over baby - christina aguilera

now baby don't be shy / you better cross the line / i'm gonna love you right / all i want is you

the clock was tickin’ - brandon flowers

jackie flips the pages and she dreams little dreams / a cottage in the country built with real wood beams / there's a baby in the bedroom, he's starting to scream / she holds him though he probably won't remember it

[biscuits-of-bagend]

DnDoc #6 - The Last Stand of the Magical

Note: Bit spoiler-y for Empire of Death. I'd already written this part but there happened to be quite a relevant note when I was checking over it so I added in a little bit to relate it to the new episode. You can maybe see why I liked the episode so much when you see what themes I was already thinking about.

Part 1 Part 5

---

"You know, you're actually not going to believe this," said Rogue. "But the portal was sonic, like your screwdriver."

   "Ooh." The Doctor's eyes lit up. "That sounds fun."

   It was funny, the Doctor's curiosity. It could so easily come across as disinterest in Rogue's ordeal, or as flippancy. But there was something so active about his brain. Telling this story had thrown Rogue back into the dead forest, and his own tired bones lying stiffly on the futon were not helping. The Doctor was the complete opposite of that. Rogue couldn't wait to spend a whole day in here, running around with him and Ruby exploring planets and chasing monsters just for the sheer fun of it.

   "It was fun, as far as it could be under the circumstances," said Rogue. "I landed so roughly that at first I thought the ringing was just in my head, but as I stretched out my limbs and started poking out from between the cracked and drooping limbs of the trees, I could still hear it. If anything it was getting a little louder and quieter depending on what direction I went. I figured out what way to walk to make it get louder, and started clambering over these, like, unnaturally solid stones to follow it. I would bump into one of these stones and it would just stay where it was. Have you ever been freaked out by a lack of clattering?"

   The Doctor smiled at Rogue's joke, but maybe the building suspense had actually got him to focus, because he didn't say anything in return.

   "So the ringing is getting louder and louder, and then I start to feel it in the tips of my toes, and when I reach my hands out I feel it in the tips of my fingers too. They're buzzing, vibrating. As I step forward, my whole body starts trembling like I'm in an old school rocket taking off. I looked around at the rocks and the branches but even in this area they were just… so still. The sonic portal, this little thrum of something alive in a wasteland of nothing, had no effect on them.

   "Eventually I must have got to the spot that it was coming from, because the shaking in my chest forced me to stop walking, and let out all my breath at once. I had no idea I was holding it in the first place. I think I must have sounded like I was in a massage chair? Because I'm pretty sure I was sort of… moaning. It was just so violent and I couldn't get my breath properly or use any of my muscles. I couldn't get my legs firm or steady enough to move back out of the space. The portal had me held.

   "But then the noise coming out of me started to have pitch as well as resonance. I was suddenly humming a tune my parents used to sing when they put me to bed, like the portal had shaken the song out the centre of my soul."

   Ruby gasped. "That's like when Maestro tried to take all the music out of me, but Carol of the Bells was still there because it was so important to me and my birthmother and there was the whole cosmic strength… thing."

   "You know, I did have a thought kind of like that, though goodness knows who Maestro is," said Rogue, bookmarking all of that as another story to ask for later. "Was the first song that occurred to me such a core one because the bacteria actually had been affecting me? Was it depleting me layer by layer and only the most important things were left? By this point the sonic had started to hum the tune along with me, but to see how much of my mind was still there, I tried to think of something else, anything else. And you'll never guess what popped into my head."

   At this point, all three of them realised that the TARDIS had been listening in to this conversation. From down in the control room there came the sounds of Kylie, La la la, la-la la la, la la la la, la la la…

   "Bingo," said Rogue, smiling at the absurd brilliance of the TARDIS's technology. "All the atoms that made me up started to shift back and forth to the little electronic beat in that song and in the humming of the sonic I was sure I could make out the shadow of a vocal. The sight of the horrifying dead forest started to fade away, the colours getting paler and paler, the contrast disappearing, my vision shrinking to a dark grey spot. Then my world started to grow again. It was still dark but there were greens, blues - and smells! There were no smells in the forest, not even the smells of decay. But here, wherever I was, Kylieland, I could smell something fiery and chemical - an engine, something pungent - stale food, and someone who really needed a shower - me.

   "I was in my ship. The sonic had brought me home. And it would not stop playing Kylie."

---

Part 7

@off-traveling-in-the-stars @casavanse @monster-donut (let me know at any point if you no longer wish to be tagged in each post)

[sourb0i]

Just got out of Beetlejuice 2! I'd give it a 4/10 overall

Pros:

All the original actors (Michael Keaton, Catherine O'Hara etc, Wynona Rider) reprised their roles really well; Catherine O'Hara in particular

The relationship between Lydia and Delia was nice; I enjoyed the whole 'you did it to me, now it's happening to you' between Celia, Lydia, and Astrid

Practical effects were good; honestly it was just refreshing to have any at all. I especially liked Charles' shark-bite effect

There were some genuinely funny parts, especially the (first part of) the wedding musical number

I thought Dolores was interesting as an antagonist, and I liked her character design (though I have gripes- see below)

Cons

The vibe just wasn't there. The plot didn't really feel committed to any one thing, and when the movie ended my first thought was "what the fuck was that about?"

There were also a lot of plot holes-- or at least, worldbuilding holes. Why was Beetlejuice working in the Afterlife office? Why is there a crime unit (and laundromat)? Why couldn't Lydia see her dead husband, even though he said he "checked up on [her and Astrid]" periodically?

I am honestly really pissed about how Barbara and Adam were written off. Obviously they can't have the original actors reprising their roles, but they deserved a better ending than a hand-waved one liner.

While Dolores had a lot of potential as an antagonist, she wasn't given nearly enough character. Her only lines (as far as I can remember) were "Where's Beetlejuice". Why is she so obsessed with him? What does she hope to gain by reuniting with him? What's the deal with her soul-sucking quest for immortality? So much wasted potential

The same was true of...the Murderous Boyfriend Who Was Such a Non-Character That I Forgot His Name As Soon As He Said it.

Seriously. They could've set up a great plot twist if they'd given him more character/more set-up with the parents. Instead the guy was a walking red flag.

I also wasn't a huge fan of Astrid's character. Like they set her up to be this girl who is ostracized bc of her mom (fair), but then instead of leaning into that they made her into this Gen Z Feminist/Eco-Warrior archetype, and it just felt like the writers were trying to make fun of that instead of actually making her into a whole person. Like, ok, she knows who Marie Curie is (even tho she got the nationality wrong), but what does she do for fun? What kind of music does she like? Does she have any hobbies outside of activism?

While I enjoyed some of the musical numbers (the wedding, and the soul train particularly) on their own merits, they just felt really out of place. The original had a solid musical theme, but this felt all over the place

Also! I wish we'd gotten to see more of Lydia interacting with ghosts in her day-to-day life! That seems like something that could be really traumatic and/or played up for comedic purposes. I loved the gag with her and the other actress in the bathroom! Give me more of that!

Overall, the movie felt like it didn't really know what to do with itself. There were so many out-of-place cameos (Burn Goreman, I'm looking at you), and stylistically and thematically it never really felt committed to one thing. It was an empty movie with nothing to say, and that's really disappointing, because it had a lot of potential to be something fun.

(Also. Produced by Brad Pitt?????)

[pinkpastels113]

How about bechloe meet cute

Ugh. Another day, another coffee run.

Beca clutches her phone to her ear with her shoulder as she pushes open the cafe door. "Uh huh, and he wants that foam thing on top too right?"

Theo on the other line sighs. He at least sounds just as tired. "Yep. And I think that's about it. Don't forget to get something for yourself too!"

"Duh," Beca responds, getting in line. It's surprisingly short on a Tuesday morning. "Already planning to." She tucks away her pen, staring down at the notebook in her hand with all the coffee drink orders from just about everyone in the office. That's what you do as a newly hire, she supposes, starting your day off with a coffee run. It doesn't matter if she doesn't like it; she's just grateful she got the job.

Theo says goodbye. Beca shoves her phone in her pocket, moving further up the line. She's so distracted with the music playing constantly in her mind and the thought of the people that she has to meet that day at work that she doesn't even notice when it is her turn at the counter.

"Ahem. Excuse me." Beca looks up, right into the eyes of the barista. "What can I get for you today?"

"Oh, right." Beca is already fumbling. She hates it when she runs into awkward situations like this. "Here." She pushes the notebook at (the name on the barista's apron says Aubrey) Aubrey, smiling nervously when Aubrey lets out a small breath through her nose. "Sorry, it's kind of a long list."

"It's fine," Aubrey says, short and clipped. She gives a tight smile. Beca watches her tap on her ordering screen. "Is this all?"

"Almost. Can I also get an Americano? For me." Beca fishes out the company card, slipping it onto the counter. "And charge everything on this, please."

When everything was said and done and placed into their drink carriers- and Beca finished with her two sugars in her black as her soul Americano- Beca reaches a new predicament. There is not enough space.

Apparently, there were some extra staff in the office that morning who collectively decided to come in early. That would be the only reason why Beca is currently playing Tetris at the moment with the three carriers, her bag, and her own drink, with her uncoordinated hands. She was just about to walk out the door praying that she doesn't drop everything on her feet when she very nearly bumps into someone rushing the other way.

"Oh shit," she says, swerving just out of reach. "My bad."

"Here," that person replies, voice warm and friendly, "Let me help you." They pick up the drink carrier balancing half on Beca's arm, lifting off the dangerous weight on her in such a way that finally allows the chance for Beca to look up.

And there's tumbling red hair. Bright blue eyes. A welcoming face and long elegant cream coat that screams a career as a teacher or something equally as professional.

"Do you need me to call an Uber or are you driving?"

Whoa. Super nice too. Beca blinks, mentally shaking her head. "Driving." This is not the right time for girlie attraction, damn it.

"Great!" She is already leading the way out. "I'll walk to you to your car."

Beca's still in a daze when she unlocks her car door and situates everything in their manageable spots. She's throwing her bag in the passenger seat and taking the last carrier from the redhead when she realizes she doesn't even know her name.

"Thanks for that, by the way. I'm Beca." She then shifts on her feet, hoping the redhead would get the hint. There's also a tiny bit of hoping that she would get to see her again. It is a small world after all.

"Chloe." She then gives Beca a hug, close enough to be thoughtful, but quick enough to not be creepy. "And no problem! Don't want you to put all of that to waste should it become pigeon food." Chloe winks at that last part. "Now off you go, and be careful with the red lights!"

"Yes ma'am." Beca salutes, rather gayly. She gets in the driver's seat, slams the car door, makes sure Chloe is safely in the coffee shop, yells for a solid thirty seconds, and then proceeds to get on her way to the production studio, radio blasting sappy pop songs the entire road there.

[the-smallest-star]

"Why is hospital food so ropy, like... food thats meant to be solid is either mush or a rock." Patch sighed, glancing at Gritt. Though his brother seemed to be in his own little world, "You alright G?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah. I'm good." "Mhm... you might be the better liar of the two of us, but I see through you. Whats rattling in the ol' cranium?" "It doesn't matter, you need to focus on getting better." Gritt pushed back, trying to close off the subject.

Patch wasn't having that.

"My body fixes itself on its own clock, whether I want it to work faster or not. You're upset... and its not just cos of me." He reached over, prodding the superstar's head, "Tell me or I'll keep poking you." A few pokes was all it took, and Gritt took a deep breath. Patch wasn't going to drop it.

"... I dunno if I should of accepted being Baron." Gritt confessed, making the younger twin blink. "I accepted it for three reasons. I didn't want to loose my friends, I wanted to keep you and my family safe, and no one else was being offered it. Imps, Hellborn, they need a voice. But... I feel I accepted it for the wrong reasons, like I did it because I felt I had to. To do the right thing and look out for everybody. But I just... bleached myself to do it."

".... you want my honest opinion?" Patch asked, Gritt nodded in reply, "You shouldn't of accepted it. You're not a baron."

"I'm... not?"

"No, you're not. And no fancy title is going to change that." Patch continued, "You care about the people sure, you touch their souls with your music, and if you come across somebody who you can help, you will. Because you're a good person. But you're a free spirit, a wildfire that does what they want. Suppressing that and pushing yourself into a fitted suit is going to hurt you."

"But what can I do? I can't just quit. Who'll help hellborn? Who'll keep you safe, I-... I don't even know what I can do. You do charity events all the time with your friends, you used to cater royal banquets and know the decorum and shit, and... I'm not you."

Patch mulled it over, tail flicking, "... I mean... this is just an idea. Royalty is all about bloodline right? So shouldn't you be able to pass on the title to someone else? Stay as Gritt the rockstar. I could be Baron."

"You'd want to be Baron?" Gritt said, stunned at the suggestion. "Well I like royal festivals, I like fancy clothes and big palaces. I'd want to use power and influence if I had any to help fix things. And maybe some people would stop throwing gazpacho at me for being cold. Plus, no offense, I'm not still recovering from a lifetime of trauma. I've got a therapist, I'm as stubborn as you. And I've lived in Pride even longer than you, I know where its problems are for hellborn. I could still have a restaurant, annnd given you're my brother, it should keep the birdy happy if your friends want to talk to you and hang out as 'The Barons brother'. And it'd be a big fuckin' middle finger to Gillian for throwing out and disowning her 'Baron' son."

The... suggestion did make sense. While Patch's contributions were unnoticed, he really did focus on making Hell a better place for people. The first argument Gritt had made at the start; There were others who'd done more for Hell than he had.

Patch was Gritt's blood. Gritt could step down, let Patch take his place... if he could get royal approval. His brother was better suited to support hellborn on a royal level, Gritt knew this. Patch was good at holding his own in a battle of wits and words.

"... I'll talk to Lucifer."

[where-i-go-insane]

i am legally obligated to think of a band AU for every piece of media i enjoy

silly little brain was imagining a Soul Eater band AU (as one who is normal about things often does) and i had a few thoughts and i think i will ramble about it a little bit here to make more thoughts. i think since they'd have such a large group, they kind of swap out/tap in for certain songs so they're rarely all playing at the same time. they all probably play a couple instruments because of this (with a few exceptions) and there's just a fun assortment that they've got going on and i also think that would make some of their songs sound drastically different since it would be like a different combination of people playing. overall, i feel like they're pretty gritty and punk, but they've probably got a wide span between more electronic and maybe even hyperpop adjacent stuff and like "original" punk and rock stuff. i think it'd really depend on who was playing.

some of the instruments are obvious. Soul is legally required to play the keyboard/synth/whatever keys exist, though he probably knows how to play the most instruments out of the group so even though he's mainly piano, he can play everything and he'll add his own little flair to it.

my brain is yelling at me that Tsubaki would play the bass. idek why but it appeared in my thoughts and i think that that's the gospel truth that Tsubaki would play the bass. i feel like she would also play some wildcard instrument like a violin/viola or flute or idk like an oboe and when she breaks that out you know the song is gonna go crazy.

now, i think Black☆Star and Kid are vocals, whether they're singing solo or together and they're probably "on deck" the most, though they probably do back off at certain points. Liz is also a vocalist (i feel in my bones that she'd be like a "talk singer" or like an ashnikko type thing where she's AGGRESSIVE with her singing) but my brain is telling me she's on the guitar a lot and wouldn't be singing most of the time. she uses a lot of cool guitar picks and she likes throwing them out into the audience and people would throw picks back at her to use (and she would use them). when all three of the singers are on at the same time, the balance would be insane and i can't imagine which ranges each of them would cover (Liz is a solid mid-range voice, but i can't decide who would be higher and lower registers between Black☆Star and Kid).

Patty would be Exclusively drums and percussion and random noise maker and she's damn good at it, she probably also does fun count offs for all them when they'd start playing. Crona also plays the drums and i feel like they would also play bass, very different vibe from Patty's drumming but still a banger (lol banger, drums, ha). Patty is more "lots of noise and funky combinations" while Crona is more complicated rhythms during the solely instrumental parts. struggling with Maka b/c i think it's funny that she canonically does not know how to do any sort of music, so i think she'd probably mainly be sound and organization help since there's so many of them. HOWEVER, i feel like she'd also be really good at having one of those soundboards and balancers and all that shit (thinking about those ones w/ the square light up keys and also the ones w/ the sliders and switches and whatnot) so she'd be in the back of the ensemble with all her little boards and buttons and be putting all the effects over their music. she could also maybe sing, but i'm talking backup vocals b/c she probably doesn't want to sing a lot, she likes her little tasks.

they are all probably INSANE on stage. jumping, doing flips, handstands, cartwheels, Black☆Star definitely crowd surfs, they're throwing t-shirts into the crowd ALL THE TIME. i'm imagining a situation where they have specifically placed speakers and boxes on stage some of them can literally be elevated above the others while they're playing or singing. none of them are dressed similarly but somehow it still works and you can obviously tell they're in a band. i think their band legally needs to be called Soul Eaters (or Death Sycthes??? Death Weapons???? something like that)

[dr-spectre]

What other games (other than sonic and splatoon) do you like?

I shall show you some of my favourite games! Not a lot but some of them!

Ultimate Spider-Man is phenomenal. It's a short yet sweet game where you get to play as a really fluid feeling Spidey and a fucking awesome take on Venom. The first Venom mission is him EATING A CHILD AND FIGHTING WOLVERINE! THAT'S SO RAW!

The art style, THE MUSIC!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT THE MUSIC! IT'S SO GOOD! I mean sure there's a couple of missions that make me groan, but most of them? Oh my GODDDD!!!!! Top tier game design and boss design too. You cannot top the Spider-Man vs. Venom fight on top of the Trask building, with all that fire and rain my GOD! IT'S SOOOO COOL!!!!!

Ridge Racer Type 4... I'm gonna tell you to do something that will change your life.

Listen to 'Move Me' from the OST. Just listen to that single song and it will all come together on why this game is amazing. I am not gonna elaborate on the phenomenal gameplay, controls, track design, art style, etc, just listen to that song. PLEASE!

This game right here, top tier, a near flawless masterpiece in puzzle design. It's difficult yet fair and i only got stuck at the very end of the game where i feel like it's at it's weakest. Act 1 and act 2 of this game is nothing short of fantastic art direction, storytelling and mechanics. It even has J. K. Simmons bro. J. K. FUCKING SIMMONS! THE GOAT! THE LEGEND! If you don't know who that is i will actually punch you i swear to god....

And the final two songs?... That shit makes me CRY MY EYES OUT! WHY IS IT SO EMOTIONAL?! HOW IS IT SO EMOTIONAL! GAHHH I'M GONNA CRY ME A RIVER BRB!

Yeah... Yeah this? This is awesome. I was so impressed by it's visuals when i first played it, i was thinking to myself "how the hell is the ps4 rendering all this grass?!?" EVEN ON PS5 IT'S SO IMPRESSIVE! HOW CAN THAT CONSOLE RUN THIS GAME AT 60FPS?!?!? IT'S MAGIC I TELL YA!

The story of this game, holy shit the STORY! It's awesome. It's packed with intriguing character arcs, Jin Sakai, what a phenomenal protagonist.

The combat feels so fluid and brutal, the music is so atmospheric, the world is so dense and packed with so much detail. It's an awesome game.

And the final boss... The last 30 minutes... Don't even talk to me about it because I'm gonna start crying again.

I mean do i have to really say anything? Do i even need to add any sort of reason or explanation on why i like this game?

I haven't finished the Yakuza/Like a Dragon series and i got stuck at 3. The games are long and can be filled with a lot of cutscenes. But I'm telling you, this game? This game rocks and it's a god damn rollercoaster of fun, drama, insanity, etc.

I decided to save this one for last. Because this game means a lot to me and it's sequel too. I remember playing the re-release on Switch and i had to have a moment after just sitting around in the Comet Observatory, like i stopped playing and i had to cry for a solid 10 minutes. I'm not sure why i broke down randomly but i can figure out why. This game is the perfect encapsulation of my childhood and the sort of vibe i grew up in.

I had a Wii as a kid and so this game captures that sort of aesthetic and atmosphere that part of my life had. Playing this game, thinking about it, hearing the music, seeing the visuals... It makes me cry. It makes me sob. Space Junk Galaxy, the domes, Freezeflame galaxy, Honeyhive galaxy... Man...

The power of visual storytelling this game has is just... 100/10 for me.

And... Rosalina's storybook.

I'm actually crying so much looking at this. I'm actually breaking down right now as i type this. Just this single image is enough to destroy a man's soul. It is some of the most powerful pieces of art I've ever had the pleasure of viewing.

And i wanna end it off with this. The Garden. The final dome in the game.

This is just... I... Man...

I'm crying again.

Anyways, that's all!

[libertineangel]

Hey Clashblr, check these out

Since there's a few of you around now that are still getting into some of the deeper cuts, I thought I'd put together a post highlighting some of the oft-forgotten obscure material for you to check out. Gonna stick it under a cut, 'cause there's a fair bit and Youtube links take up a lot of space on the dash.

Fasten your seatbelts, hold onto your hats, let's go yeah?

First up we have The Escapades of Futura 2000, lyrics by the man himself with music written & played by the Clash. Futura was the rapper on Overpowered By Funk, and also a graffiti artist who accompanied the band on the Combat Rock tour across the US painting stage backdrops live through the gigs. This particular upload is the 12" mix, which has a good extra minute over the version released last year on The People's Hall.

Here we've got the complete double-sided 12" 19-minute experience of This Is Radio Clash - the track we all know and love to open, then the more commonly remembered B-side Radio Clash (almost identical, not quite the same), then things get real funky with Outside Broadcast, and Radio Five ties it all together. Those last two have never seen a reissue on any compilation whatsoever, probably the most obscure tracks in their entire official discography.

This one's Robber Dub, a remix of Bankrobber from Mikey Dread (not to be confused with Rockers Galore, his other remix that actually features him on vocals). Featured on Super Black Market Clash but interestingly not in the "complete" Sound System box set, an omission that's always perplexed me.

Speaking of, I'd thoroughly recommend checking out both of the mentioned collections if you're not familiar, between Super Black Market & Sound System you've got every officially-released song other than those two Radio Clash extras - so, with that in mind, let's dive into the real offcuts that never even made it onto a record.

How's about seven and a half minutes of Topper playing around with a drumkit & piano to start us off? Some people still don't believe this is even The Clash, that someone scrounged up some random sounds and stuck it on a bootleg, but that's bollocks because I'm pretty sure bits of it ended up in Hell W10, their endearingly crap short film from '81 (watch it here, it's a 50-minute London crime drama). What people are wrong about is that it was ever going to be on Rat Patrol From Fort Bragg, because this is the real tracklist; relatedly, there's alternate mixes of most of those tracks around if you care to look for them, they're not hard to find, except for the high-quality acetate rip that surfaced two years ago that has been scrubbed off the face of the fucking internet, from the 20 minutes I just spent searching it seems even Internet Archive wasn't able to withstand the might of CBS. Anyway...

OK, so technically this one has made it to a record, but that record was the Vanilla Tapes bonus disc of the 2004 reissue of London Calling, it never actually got beyond demo stage. Honestly I doubt they ever really expected or intended it to, sounds to me like the band having fun in the studio, but fun it is. There's actually a few demo-only Vanilla Tapes tracks I could stick here, but this is long as fuck already so instead I will simply give you the lot to peruse at your leisure.

Sticking with demos that eventually got an obscure release, this one is from the Give 'Em Enough Rope sessions but wasn't heard until the On Broadway compilation in '91. It's a solid number of course, they hardly put a foot wrong, but it's nothing groundbreaking.

This is from that same compilation, from the same sessions, it's a cover of the classic soul tune and I like it. Understated, gentle but with that pained passion in the vocals Mick carries so well, and that nice subtle bass is a sweet touch.

Our last couple of tracks are live numbers, and this one's a special one-off performance with the great Beat poet Allen Ginsberg, from the 10th June date of their infamous Bond's residency. He wrote it specifically to perform with the band, six minutes of cantankerous complaining about just about any ideology you care to name while the band (and their sound man, gotta credit those perfectly-timed dub echoes) give a strident backing. Topper was on fucking fire for those gigs, just listen to that kick drum.

And finally let's close out where they began, way back in '76 with Keith Levene. This one's probably my favourite of their earliest offcuts, but personally I prefer an even earlier version of it that Youtube doesn't seem to have, from their third ever gig (and first known recording) at the classic Screen on the Green punk showcase. Five of the thirteen tracks on that setlist never made it to the studio, plus it includes the original lyrics to I'm So Bored With You, and it's all here.

[aceofstars0]

Probably one last crush post for this year :(

Last Thursday I went to band and dolphin was there and we didn't really talk so I was trying to kinda avoid eye contact but at one point I thought "what if I just... look at him...." And I did and he stared into my SOUL for a solid 20 seconds and at that point I was like "ok I think this is getting a lil awkward I think E and Akira are watching" so I kinda waved and he waved back and kinda looked surprised/embarrassed ish?

And today I went with E to one of her AP classes where they were painting ceiling tiles (a common practice for AP classes at my school) and dolphin wasn't there for most of it but like halfway through he came in with some other people to sign it. And when I saw him I got scared (? I don't usually straight up approach him) and went to the corner with C and then DOLPHIN came over and there wasn't really a conversation but he said "I think the one thing I'm gonna miss over summer is all my friends" and soon after that C left to go somewhere else and dolphin was kinda lingering?? even tho the conversation was definitely overrrr omgggg

Me and E are hoping to still hang out at some point over the summer and it wouldn't be weird to ask dolphin if he wanted to join because I've gotten pretty close with both of them

Next school year idk if I said my plans but I want to do pit and props for the musical and I know he always does tech crew so even if he doesn't take orchestra (too many APs) we'll still hang out at least a bit!

crush tagging: @larz-barz @kimetsu-chan @pulim-v @emmaestrella lmk if you want to be added/removed

[thesunsethour]

welcome back to part 3 of eve procrastinating her final exams by ranking her favourite songs by her favourite artists. today it is The Beatles' turn

(as always i must stress this is my opinion only. but i am also very nosey, so please tell me *your* opinions too)

(i'm ignoring songs in different languages, naked versions, and also any cover songs, so focusing exclusively on anything penned by lennon-mccartney or harrison or starr)

(this took me a week and a half. for context my killers' list took two days and hozier took four hours)

without further ado:

189. Wild Honey Pie (spoiler alert: i'm not a white album fanatic)

188.       Dig It (vibey but odd little song)

187.       Maggie Mae (didn't know for years this was a liverpool folk song)

186.       Only A Northern Song (not weird enough to justify itself)

185.       Revolution 9 (it achieves john's goal. still hate it though)

184.       All Together Now (worse precursor to the frog chorus)

183.       It’s All Too Much (i would like to apologise to yellow submarine)

182.       Flying (criminal that this is so far down actually. i only have myself to blame)

181.       I’ll Get You (bit samey)

180.       Savoy Truffle (i wrote down 'harrison's own muzak')

179.       Everybody’s Got Something to Hide Except for Me and My Monkey (wtf john)

178.       Thank You Girl  (harmonica has been utilised better)

177.       Every Little Thing (pretty okay)

176.       You Like Me Too Much (george still in songwriting training)

175.       I Want To Tell You (the beginning of george's 'i don't know' refrain in his songs. keep an ear out)

174.       The Inner Light (SO very george)

173.       Her Majesty (i'm irish so this had to be this low)

172.       You Can’t Do That (great john vocals here tbh)

171.       Honey Pie (you can so clearly hear the music hall inspiration. very paul)

170.       When I Get Home (bit samey but catchy enough)

169.       There’s a Place (better harmonica)

168.       I Need You (lovely harmonies)

167.       Not a Second Time (i always forget this song exists sorry to john lennon)

166.       It’s Only Love (i always think this ones on rubber soul)

165.       I’ll Cry Instead (conversely this is very beatles for sale coded i think!)

164.       Little Child (i am a sucker for the harmonica it has to be said)

163.       You Know My Name (Look Up The Number) (really campy ad-libs. a fan)

162.       I’m a Loser (john's voice is so deep in this one??)

161.       I Don’t Want to Spoil the Party (little foot tapper of a song)

160.       Piggies (george had been reading orwell! good for him)

159.       Don’t Pass Me By (ringo! hello!)

158.       I’ll Be Back (solid enough)

157.       Doctor Robert (one of the earliest examples of 'we will sing a song about a little random man')

156.       If I Needed Someone (solid george effort)

155.       Why Don’t We Do It In The Road (apparently about two monkeys fucking. okay paul)

154.       Baby’s in Black  (clever little lyrics)

153.       It Won’t Be Long (adore the coming home line)

152.       All I’ve Got to Do (sweet enough little thing)

151.       Hold Me Tight (classic paul asking for love. a staple of the genre)

150.       What Goes On (hiiiii Ringo!)

149.       Yer Blues (my notes say 'proto-morrissey-esque, but worse)

148.       Good Night (reminds me of a musical song. also originally thought this was a paul song)

147.       She’s a Woman (really dynamic paul vocals)

146.       What You’re Doing (solid paul job)

145.       No Reply (i cannot think of this song without hearing the bloopers of YOUR FACE)

144.       Happiness Is A Warm Gun (i may get killed for having this so low. reminder that this is only my opinion)

143.       Don’t Bother Me (i *think* this is the first album song that george ever wrote!)

142.       P.S. I Love You (he loves his epistolary songs does Paul)

141.       I’m Just Happy to Dance With You (another solid foot tapper)

140.       Any Time At All (love the piano in this)

139.       I’m So Tired (same)

138.       Birthday (i hate the beginning of this song with a visceral passion. rest is grand)

137.       The Night Before (very '50s)

136.       Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise) (the only bad thing about this song is that it means the album is over)

135.       Another Girl (bitchy little paul song)

134.       Tell Me What You See (song gets better as it goes on i think)

133.       The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill (hello yoko)

132.       Long, Long, Long (reminds me of my sweet lord)

131.       Ask Me Why (real jazzy like)

130.       Rocky Raccoon (i'm not mad on this song but the middle is so catchy it reels me in)

129.       Old Brown Shoe (ringo reference check!)

128.       Revolution 1 (not as good as revolution the single)

127.       Cry Baby Cry (love paul's little jaunty section)

126.       Yes It Is (sexy)

125.       Dig A Pony ("everything has got to be just like you want it toohoohoohoohoohooo"

124.       The Word (reminds me of grease)

123.       Hey Bulldog (some bits of music here remind me of 'Across the Universe')

122.       I’m Looking Through You (GREAT guitar)

121.       Sexy Sadie (can't remember which journalist said that AM's 4 out of 5 has this vibe and YEAH)

120.       I Me Mine (i will always adore the "flowing more freely than wine" lyric. thank you george"

119.       Things We Said Today (paul's so good in this one)

118.       Tell Me Why (catchy bop)

117.       Run For Your Life ("that's the end" SO good)

116.       Good Day Sunshine (nicely jaunty)

115.       Rain (love the instrumentation in this one)

114.       I Will (quintessential mccartney this)

113.       Love You To (making this list and hearing george's improvement as a songwriter was amazing actually)

112.       Octopus’s Garden (bless ringo)

111.       I Feel Fine (SO catchy)

110.       With A Little Help From My Friends (ringo's very best)

109.       Martha My Dear (i'm scared of dogs but i'll let this one go)

108.       Drive My Car (the beeps beeps always annoyed me as a kid)

107.       For You Blue (it is what it says - sweet and lovely)

106.       Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (love the laughter in it)

105.       Good Morning Good Morning (the guitar here is simply too cool for this song. elevates it greatly)

104.       You’re Going To Lose That Girl (beach boys vibes?)

103.       She Said She Said (john and george buddies and pals)

102.       Wait (john and paul's voices go SO well together do you ever get emotional)

101.       Think For Yourself (ANOTHER great foot tapper)

100.       I’m Down (well *somebody* thinks they're elvis)

99.         Misery (just. great structurally)

98.         I Should Have Known Better ("this could only happen to me" oh, john)

97.         Can’t Buy Me Love (one of the more Lennonesque mccartney songs)

96.         One After 909 (how did paul not know what this was about for over a decade)

95.         I’ve Just Seen a Face (absolutely gorgeous guitar)

94.         This Boy (thaaaasss boyyyy)

93.         You Won’t See Me (fab little chorus)

92.         Maxwell’s Silver Hammer (BANG BANG MAXWELL'S SILVER HAMMER CAME DOWN UPON HER HEAD 🔨 🔨🔨)

91.         Dear Prudence ("the clouds will be a daisy chain" is a line i've always adored)

90.         Yellow Submarine (i remember being 6 and our teacher playing this for us on her guitar)

89.         Mean Mr Mustard (love when john does a bit of narrative songwriting)

88.         Revolution (superior revolution version)

87.         Now and Then (cried on the tram on the way to college listening to this when it came out. as you were)

86.         Polythene Pam (love when their accent peaks through)

85.         Baby, You’re A Rich Man (a true lennon-mccartney collab with john not finishing something and paul adding his two cents, or rather, ten or twenty cents)

84.         Hello, Goodbye (i love the end of this song so so much)

83.         Mother Nature’s Son (soft and sweet, poignant but not sappy, one of the most underrated beatles songs of all time)

82.         Free As A Bird (cried listening to this too)

81.         Glass Onion (intertextual metanarrative: the song)

80.         Taxman (baby's first political song <3)

79.         I Wanna Be Your Man (hiiiiii again ringo)

78.         From Me To You (harmonica time again baby!)

77.         Being For The Benefit of Mr Kite! (i think of this as a spooky halloween waltz)

76.         Within You Without You (quintessential george)

75.         I’m Only Sleeping (underrated on revolver methinks)

74.         Your Mother Should Know (these songs WERE a hit before my mother was born)

73.         All My Loving (pure vintage mccartney)

72.         Do You want to Know a Secret (baby george and his fab vocals)

71.         Here Comes The Sun (okay nobody kill me. stop looking at me like that. its been winter for seventeen months george i can't fucking see the sun)

70.         Julia (so beautiful)

69.         Love Me Do (how were they pop song professionals already?)

68.         I Saw Her Standing There (paul loves a good scream in the middle of a song)

67.         A Hard Day’s Night (most iconic beginning of any song ever)

66.         Magical Mystery Tour (he loves a bus does paul)

65.         And Your Bird Can Sing (john's vocals are GREAT here)

64.         Sun King (the superior sun song on abbey road)

63.         Please Please Me (just. iconic)

62.         Eight Days a Week (for how good it is i can't believe paul didn't play it live till like 2013 or smth)

61.         Real Love (i never knew this was a beatles song when i was a kid!)

60.         The End ("the love you take is equal to the love you make"... yeah...)

59.         Back in the USSR ("my-my-my-my-" very billy joel actually)

58.         Ticket to Ride (mouth-watering guitar)

57.         For No One (the wario of 'And Your Bird Can Sing' no i won't explain further)

56.         All You Need Is Love (the she loves you yeah yeah yeahs at the end...)

55.         Blue Jay Way (so wonderfully eerie to me)

54.         She Loves You (love the long and powerful held note on the last "glad")

53.         I Want To Hold Your Hand (they were children my god)

52.         Across the Universe (some of my favourite vocals)

51.         Carry That Weight (paul going through it, writing bangers)

50.         Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da (desmond and molly jones are close friends of mine at this stage)

49.         Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds (overrated a bit imo but still simply iconic)

48.         Penny Lane (sorry paul, john won the MMT round w strawberry fields but its okay this song still is a bop)

47.         Tomorrow Never Knows (fucking well done on this one lads. love it)

46.         Getting Better ("a little better all the time" v "it can't get no worse" is just. peak lennon mccartney)

45.         Got To Get You Into My Life (INSTANT banger)

44.         Michelle (i am a sucker for french as long as its not spoken by french people <3)

43.         Lovely Rita (i always loved this one because paul says "book" like how my nanny says it)

42.         Helter Skelter (loud, fast, and brilliant)

41.         Get Back (billy preston the man that you were)

40.         She Came In Through The Bathroom Window (best of the abbey road medley)

39.         I’ve Got a Feeling (i LOVE paul's deep voice)

38.         When I’m Sixty Four (i love paul's granny music. sue me)

37.         Come Together (john was so good at writing these nonsense songs)

36.         The Fool on The Hill (adore the "ohHhHhHhHhHhh")

35.         Fixing a Hole ("when i'm wrong, i'm right" is so very paul)

34.         Girl (BRILLIANT middle)

33.         Help! (vulnerable without overdoing it. just fantastic)

32.         Day Tripper (unashamedly sexy)

31.         And I Love Her (i love basically everything about this song. ranking got so hard from here)

30.         You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away (john was ON IT for Help!)

29.         Nowhere Man (my brother thinks this will be the name of john's biopic)

28.         Lady Madonna (my favourite genre of paul songs are songs where he voyeuristically imagines someone's life. they always slap)

27.         Paperback Writer (i also write at shitty newspapers and want to be a paperback writer. this song feels too targeted)

26.         In My Life (so pretty. SO pretty)

25.         The Ballad of John and Yoko (imagine the vibes in the recording studio. john. yoko. paul. and yet they made this banger)

24.         Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown) (my first ever favourite beatles song. has since been demoted but i still adore it)

23.         I am the Walrus (john at his weirdest best)

22.         She’s Leaving Home (i love when they write narratively)

21.         If I Fell (angelic harmonies)

20.         Don’t Let Me Down (fifth beatle billy preston supremacy)

19.         Because ("love is all, love is you"

18.         I Want You (She’s So Heavy) (vocals, instruments, lyrics, vibes, all incredible)

17.         Two Of Us (and if i said this was the best album opener?)

16.         Here, There, and Everywhere (paul says this is his favourite beatles song and you know what? he's so right for that)

15.         Oh! Darling (wario of the long and winding road. no i will not elaborate either)

14.         You Never Give Me Your Money ("OUT OF COLLEGE MONEY SPENT SEE NO FUTURE PAY NOT RENT" that is... me right this actual moment)

13.         Something (george said is anyone else gonna write one of the best love songs of all time? no okay i guess i will. and he did.)

12.         Golden Slumbers (cried to this as well. must stress i am not one to cry)

11.         Eleanor Rigby (the pinnacle of the MVS - McCartney Voyeuristic Storytelling)

10.         A Day in The Life (orchestra used to scare me when i was younger)

9.           While My Guitar Gently Weeps (george's best beatles song hands down)

8.           I’ll Follow the Sun (THE MOST UNDERRATED BEATLES SONG and i will die on this hill

7.           Yesterday (my father's favourite beatles song)

6.           The Long and Winding Road (my go to song to sing in the shower for some reason?)

5.           We Can Work It Out (pure lennon-mccartney baby!)

4.           Let It Be (the first and only song i ever learnt on ukulele and i was so proud of it)

3.           Strawberry Fields Forever (do i even have to say anything?)

2.           Blackbird (everything about this song is so beautifully perfect. paul mccartney is the best songwriter of all time okay. i've spent days upon days at this list and it's now making me emotional)

1.           Hey Jude (there's a reason it tops so many best songs of all time lists. a perfect 10. no notes. iconic. the first beatles song i played on repeat. would die slash kill to experience this live)