#i got so many things to dooooooooo and yet

[scopophobia-polaris]

So, to add on to Navi's post, because her whole read for the original was getting screenshots from the game to debunk what was said, of course....we are now here. I want to tell you that no one here disagreed with your conclusion about Ganondorf being a victim. What we here disagreed with was the method you used to get there. Simplifying Ganondorf down to solely good or solely evil is something this Fandom does all the time with little to no nuance. And even though you have written an eloquent essay, Published even! You twisted or outright made up parts of the game to get to your conclusion. In essay writing, that's called a logical fallacy, and the whole essay either twists what happens in the game or outright gets it wrong.

Now people are probably gonna wonder why I'm treating this like a big deal or why I'm speaking so blunt, because this is by all means very stupid fandom drama.

But I think when you're a college prof and you get an essay published and it's online for people to read everywhere without you, one, not giving the context behind Ganondorf's creation and the coding of his appearance and motivations, two the complexities of a corporate conglomerate in a notoriously socially conservative country taking aesthetics from countries who were historically colonized. And Three, The way that video games are a collaborative effort with usually no singular vision, this is very true at nintendo despite what people may think, and at any moment changes can be made for any reason by team leads or executives that would hinder or even hurt a story. It detrimental to the audience reading it that you do not provide them more of a couple of screenshots

Basically, many things go into a story and now I'm taking this more from a DOYLIST view right here talking about Nintendo. But I'm doing this because you keep trying to say..... well fuck man do I need to pull up more examples? Navi got them all, the whole essay is you trying HEAVILY to imply that Nintendo MEANT to do all of this, as in intentional in the story, idk I feel crazy, words have meaning, specific wording has implication, oh and this dosent even get into how localization can change things 😃😀 wording has meaning and sometimes translators don't have cultural contexxxtttttttt and to not even mention about Nintendo's history or even the short hand that comes from Ganondorf's design and the historical Orientalism behind it feels like a disservice to the paper, but much more qualified people then I have discussed the way Ganondorf is written and probably would love to discuss or link to previous writing again if asked.

And this is a cold take but Nintendo isn’t the place you should be looking to for deep story telling, they will always be a corporate entity first and the bottom line is a general audience, this does not mean JUST KIDS this means to a generalized population. And this is extremely cynical but a lot of people cant even handle the complexity of a female character who is mean, like Midna, do you really think people would handle a Ganondorf like how he is in Tp being portrayed in any form of film language as good????? This game dropped 5 years after 9/11, Nintendo was never gonna lose out in money like that.

And Dude people have given so much shit to HUGE fanartists and comic authors about their work portraying Ganondorf in a sympathetic light, you would of thunk more people would of picked up on Ganondorf's story being written as tragedy if there was something in the game that actually DID that. Maybe they would of written a blog post about how Midna saw Link kill Ganondorf and was ashamed of that or Ganondorf TOTALLY said the history of light and shadow will be written in blood thing before the final battle, you think people would of talked about huh why did Ganondorf say that there or something and maybe went 🤔 instead of it being argued that Tp Ganondorf had the weakest writing of the series until TotK threw a pile of flaming shit at my door with a picture of Ganondorf on it.

Navi also goes in depth on how Hyrule has not exactly stagnated like what was claimed in History of Light and Shadow by using the Goron merchants and Yeto as examples.

Rynling has stated that the cause of the stagnation and decline is due to an ineffectual leader that has "Not allowed its people to be revitalized by change and diversity."

Now I am familiar with the flaws of an undetermined national unity, I am very familiar with the subject, but I’m not going to speak like an authority. Id rather let someone much more qualified make that post and I link back to it, because i know its coming. But Navi said in her post that the idea of what could of happened at Arbiter's Grounds can completely blow over someone's head if they didn't play OoT first, and I think more or less this is accurate, certain things are lost in Wind Waker even with the recaps, but I wanna join in on this in my own way...

Rynling....you may say Hyrule has been on a decline during Tp......you may even think OoT had a more stable Hyrule or some shit.....i THINK YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE PLOT OF OCARINA OF TIME BAYBEEEEEEE

THE SUPPLEMENTAL MATERIAL THAT I CAN PULL UP TO PROVE MY SHIT ABOUT OOT HYRULE BEING DOG SHIT IN COMPARISON TO TP

Like if you're seriously gonna link me and Navi to your essay then I am about to go full BTW it's a Sativa and eat that bitch after midnight cuZ we YELLIN ABOUT OCARINA OF TIME ON THIS POST FOR EVERYONE🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

All of Ocarina of Time's narrative is haunted by the civil war, the whole reason why Link is being raised in the woods is cuz of the civil war, the Sheikah are implied to have died out during the same conflict, and well its said that Hyrule was unified during it

Civil War yet the translators use unified the country like it WASNT under a sole ruler before? Hello? I need to go back through the Japanese script for the game again to see if i missed something of the game and freak it harder. And do realize the Deku sprout in this screenshot says fierce war but every where else, including the Zelda wiki (not fandom) its CIVIL War.

The Gate to Death mountain and Simultaniously the fence at Zora's river gives us and idea that peace was....tenuous at best downright hostile at worse given relations with the Gerudo

so today we gonna do some fun comparing and contrasting the Gorons and how they are treated in OoT to TP

and we gonna start with his racist ass BHJBHDBHKCJW

I mean, damn remmeber how mad Darunia is at Link for being the supposed royal family messenger? Link Unlocking the door to Darunia's room with Zelda's lullaby, I think it's a little funny that Darunia is hung up , you know, like he knows this is some disrespectful shit

Hey wannna hear some shit? The gates at the edge of death mountain aren't guarded by Gorons and were not built by them you can tell, the only way to visit the mountain is to get permission from the King to go up and not from the people that actually live there

God and like, there is something about the way Darunia locks himself in his room, like he does it to keep the ruby safe from all the other Gorons being so hungry that he's frightened they're gonna eat it, he doesn't know what to do on how to act about the Dodongos that Ganondorf summon on him for not giving over that rock. It qlmost sounds like when Ganondorf came in and Threatened Darunia, and that he (Darunia) sent a message to the royal family asking for help, why else would he be expecting someone to come meet with him?

"If I'm not mistaken, you came out here to eat the red stone too! Well, too bad! It's not here! What? That's not why you're here? You're looking for a "Spiritual Stone?" You must mean that delicious-looking red stone that was once displayed above the city! I was so hungry that I thought it would be OK to just give it one tiny, little lick...so I snuck up there. But it was already gone! I think Big Brother took it away. He always says that everyone is after that red stone! Big Brother has shut himself up in his room saying, "I will wait in here for the Royal Family's messenger!" this is a quote from the Goron that you can find on the middle of the rope bridge thing in Goron city.

Yeah so he sent a letter or something and no one answered yeesh.

contrast this all with TP where OH LOOKS WHO'S GUARDING DEATH MOUNTAIN

so in TP spoilers, this happens

Kakariko is more connected then ever! Renado here is wondering what the hell is going on with their FRIENDS. And yeah the Goron elder Gor Coron is trying to keep the last few people from kakariko left safe, and other Gorons, i mean, theyre keeping a piece of the fused shadow in there. also the way that entry into the temple goes in this game is cute, Darunia was freaking it cuz everyone is starving, but here Link wrestles his way up a mountain to ask the Gron elder whats happening since he was asked to come here by Renado, Gor Coron goes DAMN

unless......?

IDK ITS LIKE? ITS SILLY? Idk Hyrule isnt the best place but why try and act like this doesnt happen during TP?

so where am i getting at with this? the hell was going on back during OoT? If things are so odd and weirdly tense with the gates gaurds and non responses

"As time passed, the Triforce became a legend, and the different people of Hyrule forgot the laws and wisdom that the goddesses had left behind. Warfare and strife became common in Hyrule, as the armies of the Zora marched on the Hylians. The Gorons fought the Gerudo. It seemed every race of Hyrule was at the other's throat. Only the secluded Kokiri, sheltered by their magical forest and the Great Deku Tree, were spared the destruction of Hyrule's civil wars.

After 50 years of ceaseless combat, there arose a Hylian King of great wisdom, courage and power. Through his brilliant military campaigns and wise diplomacy, he was able to bring the varied people of Hyrule into a tenuous harmony. Treaties of peace were signed, and prosperity once again seemed to bloom in Hyrule. But no sooner had people declared peace in Hyrule than trouble once again stalked the land."

Tenuous Harmony, could you imagine if they dropped a line like this in Creating a champion? The tumblr side of the fandom would go fucking nuts with that info like OHHHHH SHIT WAS GOING ONNNNNN

This was ALL on the offical Nintendo Zelda website back when oot was the big game out, we have this cuz someone saved it to the wayback, THIS SCREENSHOT WAS FROM DECEMBER 14TH 2001, ABOUT A FULL YEAR AND A DAY UNTIL WIND WAKER WAS RELEASED IN JAPAN. THAT'S INSANE RIGHT???? ‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

And then it all probably got deleted once wind waker became the new thing!!! Or when they wanted to modernize and deleted it!!! THAT SUCKS RIGHT????

And what's worse is that it introduces some new info and also clarifies something. Hey you know when I made that post like damn Darunia racist as hell

"Warfare and strife became common in Hyrule, as the armies of the Zora marched on the Hylians. The Gorons fought the Gerudo."

NO WHERE IN THE GAME THE LEGEND OF ZELDA OCARINA OF TIME IT SAYS THIS, IT DOES NOT STATE THERE WAS CONFLICT BETWEEN THE GORONS AND GERUDO.....LIKE DIN GET YA KIDS.....IM LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR SOMETHING I MUST OF MISSED.

But Like oh hey a fucking explanation to why he just fucking says that, I figure it was cuz of Ganondorf trying to almond mom all of them or that he kept talking to the King and well.....Navi already showed the GENERAL reaction to the Gerudo in castle town.

it went from oh hes just racist to dARUNIA AND GANONDORF HAVE HISTORY????

But the interesting one is why did thy Zora "marched on the Hylians."

Like sitting here like, I know a comic made in Germany shouldn't be a be all end all in shit I knew it never was and it would like. If you put this in warrior cats canonicoty categorization would be considered lower down supplementary material dubious canon, but their are things in the comic AND the Himekawa manga that behinds some behind the scenes actions given that LINK'S MOM HAS A MOSTLY CONSISTENT DESIGN WHAT THE HELLLLLLLL. And I always thought the Goron Zora war thing was stupid but Nintendo then had that out on their website, what the hell was going ON.

Because idk i didnt think much of Zora De Bon XVI and the Hyrulien King's relationship but

Now a days the Zelda website is much different and does not have lore pages like this anymore, it's more like a summary of the timeline. But yeah actually Nintendo approved shit, Hylian/Zora war.

Hyrule is progressing, its just going slowly, Hyrule is not AS stifled by its monarchy or a lack of integration during TP because Hyrule IS integrating, is people's are intermingling like is hasn't before during this game.

And this isn't even to get started on the E3 demo of Twilight princess that the trip that Link is supposed to take at the beginning of the game was to be the representative of Ordon at the "Hyrule summit

and Hyrule is described in a VERY specific way

Kingdom of Hyrule and neighboring realms? like theyre all not under the crown? so like???? FUN, that didn't end up making it in the game. the dailouge that is, But the remints is still there in the way the game is made up, like how OoT is built off is civil war bones

actually funny, Navi just got me screenshots of the way the dialouge was changed here

Like stuff clearly changed during the demo and finished game, I should of been touching more on the intricacies of how like shit was just change for no reason sometimes but uh....

But maybe @rawliverandgoronspice would want to one day like about games industry stuff if you ever want to 😭 I know you're super passionate on this and I wish I like even off hand mentioned something about how like TP is also effected by how games are made but I didn't and I'm a fool but games are complicated as hell and that post you made talking a bit about it was fun ya know 👉👈 and the Beta of Tp changes a LOT of stuff, one Rusl really is like a brother to link in the way he messes with him, it actually makes some weird Nintendo licensed shit saying hes like a big brother to Link made WAYYYYY more since with the Beta in mind, but....that also mean they tried to keep the big bro vibes....but then put the dad ones in there too like.....uh...did..someone not change his summary anywhere?

that was my big thing i wanted to talk about, navi's already touched on everything else i just think the parallels here between the Goron quest between OoT and TP changes in such a nice way.

And like this doesn't get into other shit about TP, like if we wanna deep dive into shit ya don't gotta do it by twisting the story, like I was going and talking to @blackautmedia to ask with some help when it came to like.......god idk what i even said anymore i was going a mile a minute. He wants to write his own thing on Twilight princess so im not gonna step on his toes but he has recommended Arabs and Muslims in the Media: Race and Representation after 9/11 by Evelyn Alsultany, the link I provided here is too her website and her page on the book this link here is from her own site that has a pdf of a part American Quarterly with a paper by the same name.

Anyways i wanna reflex for a moment cuz ive been up for hours finishing this because my brain wont stop unless i do. But the thing that by all means started this, was not your reblog linking me and Navi to your essay, or that there is 2 versions i found out where the paper published one had a lot more context to why you wrote your tumblr post the way you did, Navi helped me get the parts that were cut, please realize removing these does not remove the sentiment from the essay, its baked in.

fanfic, its a popular Fan interpretation that there was fighting between the Gerudo and Hylians after Ganondorf was caught trying to take the triforce, but this is not stated to of happened in the lore itself or even has evidence to back it up other then the Implications of Arbiter's grounds theory

UGHHHH AND THIS AGAIN "Twilight Princess Delivers a subtle yet poignant protest against neoliberal discourses of empire reflected in the rhetoric of heroism inform the geopolitical movements of Japan throught the twentieth century"

WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING ABOUT......

i dont mean this in a stupid ass way, im saying where the hell was about the protest thing, wait i really shouldt take from the published one cuz you actually dumbed down the line for tumblr

anyways again, where, Navi made it clear enough with her own post that, no, the way that Ganondorf is animated has no sympathy for him until the light is literally leaving him. Hell Twilight princess inst very kind to the gerudo either given that the only thing said about them is that they were thieves and nothing more. Like somehow OoT is more empathetic to the Gerudo, it doesn't just call them thieves, it aint great its not even good its just a bad portrayal of a people, and yet somehow OoT is willing to show the Gerudo in a neutral light at points then TP ever did.

but the reason i decided to just throw down a post is cuz i was pissed that you went after Ezlo for reblogging ME and NAVI's posts and purposefully misunderstood their fuckin wind waker post about ZELDA YOUTUBERS

dude you had them getting genuinely harassed by people with 0 reading comprehension that thinks a snarky reply to a tumblr post means its 100% correct. Webbed. Site.

anyways, I hope people don't take this as a right or wrong way to interpret a piece of work, as stated before, I read your essay, navi read your essay, you changed parts of Twilight Princess to get to the conclusion of you paper...And im gonna be real but it's kinda crazy that you're using post colonial melancholia for this when it's got some.....well something like idk i need someone to do a full ass review because there are point where i gently raise an eyebrow im gonna be real. but also like

like how do you read his book and then miss out on this, one of your whole big aruments is that hyrule is stagnate and not multi cultural and i had to grab screenshots and Navi had to get shit from the game.

like damn, do yall ever uh feel a strange sadness when dusk falls? i do. Idk this is one of the first and last times Nintendo ever delt with Ganondorf with some form a sympathy for him, cuz we got the dragon explosion in totk its like oh he's turbo evil now and he exploded you exploded him and yet the Gerudo probably still gotta pay for his shit from a billion years ago anyways idk idk idk pot shots at totk again.

I know you dug around a little for that post, and I understand from the numerous people that dmed me about that, you probably went on making an essay on their post so you could sound smart again.

And to be clear, I was told to drop some shit i was about to say about you because no one wants to start fandom drama, neither do I truly and any jab on the post itself would just be rude. people change and some people only learn to shut the hell up, so we'll keep it at that. I just hope you really don't truly recognize some of these people you started shit with.

So yeah tldr, uh.....idk, im going in for an autism screening in a month

also me watching the ending to windwaker cuz i wanted to say something about stong endings TP fans im sorry But Wind waker's ending hits no matter what best sequal to OoT thats isnt Majora's mask

The History of Light and Shadow

At the end of Twilight Princess, Ganondorf delivers one of his most memorable lines, “The history of light and shadow will be written in blood.” He is not wrong. As the player has witnessed over the course of Link’s adventure, Hyrule is haunted by ruins and ghost towns, a mere shadow of what it once was. The landscape is filled with numerous sites of past violence and empty spaces visibly marked by decay and wasted potential.

When Zelda tells Link and Midna that “these dark times are the result of our deeds,” she is referring to specific historical acts of imperialistic aggression. Hyrule established hegemony over its outlying territories by crushing the rebellions against its advances, but the kingdom has suffered from cultural stagnation as a result. Without the dynamic diversity symbolized by Ganondorf, Hyrule finds itself in economic and political decline, isolated from any contact with the world beyond its shrinking borders.

As a representative of a marginalized group of people who have been attacked and driven from their homes, Ganondorf is a tangible manifestation of the horrors of imperialism. He must be defeated, but doing so does not address the underlying problems that have resulted in Hyrule’s decline. I therefore want to argue that Twilight Princess uses Ganondorf to deliver a subtle yet poignant protest against the discourses of empire reflected by the dualistic “light and shadow” rhetoric of heroism that has resulted in tragedy and regret.

Keep reading

[shitpostingfromthebarricade]

@themandilorian tagged me to answer fic questions! Thank youuuuuuuuuu, I love doing these. <3

how many works do you have on AO3?

Christ, 84 plus the Witcher crackfic I wrote under my incredibly subtle pseud.

what’s your total AO3 word count?

388,267, though I have a fic that'll probably be hitting 70k before it's all said and done that'll be going up ... before November? So 450k soon.

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Uh, depends how you count fandoms. Realistically, just one (Les Mis), but according to the fandoms view I also technically write for Untitled Goose Game and 19th Century CE France RPF. And Witcher.

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The View From Here (aka the balcony fic)

Define "Dating" (my second to oldest published fic ft Enjolras trying to take Grantaire out on dates and Grantaire in severe denial)

Early Mornings, Late Nights (the one where Grantaire wakes up early and Enjolras stays up late)

By the Glory of the Sun (amnesia AU ft horny Grantaire)

Rainy Days (kidfic ft calls from the principal and no kid)

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I dooooooooo. <3 I spend so much time creating these fics and inventing details and backstories that never make it to the light of day, so I love having an excuse to talk more about the story and process. Also, I just love hearing from y'all? Of course I'll respond???

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Ah, hm, several of those, angst was my specialty for a long while. It still sometimes is, but it was, too. Maybe The Lies We Tell Ourselves in the Dark? Prague is just sad the whole way through, same with Enjolras's Prayer and The Tempest. His Love Letter also starts more innocuous and gets sadder.

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not including most responses to Empereur's Mercy (<3), not really?

I do know that one fic wasn't particularly well-received, but that's because it was a fic I wrote directly in response to someone being an asshole in a friend's comments and didn't include the context for privacy reasons. The fic was a very pointed response with lots of quotes from the other person, but without having seen the original conversation it can be easily interpretted as a general criticism, so I see why people weren't thrilled.

do you write smut? if so what kind?

Not really. There has been one glaring exception (What Greater Thing is There?), and another will be up soon-ish, but any smut I ever publish with either be exclusively to advance the plot or as pure crack.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

If you count those apps that were hosting peoples' fics without permission, yes, but otherwise no. I've been very lucky in that way.

have you ever had a fic translated?

HeavenlyGift translated Define "Dating" into Russian!!!

have you ever co-written a fic before?

It's not published yet, but thecandlesticksfromlesmis and I are about to hit three years (17 Sep, I think?) co-writing the fic that inspired All That's Left of Us!

what’s your all time favorite ship?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ... I dunno. I'm not sure. Valjean & Cosette (ampersand is platonic)? Courfius? Whatever those two funky lesbians in Sailor Moon have going on? Anne and Gilbert? Fantine and A Fucking Break?

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I recently decided that I'm going to revisit my Giant Fic and make an effort to finish it even though my HCs don't align anymore!! Otherwise, I have a ton of ideas and kinda WiPs that could be finished but probably won't be simply by merit of there being so many. The one that comes to mind as being one that my HCs grew beyond before I could do more than outline it is the bodyswap fic with Combeferre and Grantaire that would have needed to be written from 3 PoVs and would have come out to probably ... 40k? A lot of effort for something I only ever had about 16k worth of interest in.

what are your writing strengths?

I think banter, pacing, and (when I choose to) worldbuilding.

what are your writing weaknesses?

Anything involving physical affection. @thepiecesofcait is always the first to point out the absolute hoops I don't even realize I put myself through to avoid writing physical contact. I've been trying to expand my horizons, but also consider: I could not.

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

INCREDIBLY contextual. I think if it's the PoV character, you write what they understand: if they do understand the language, write it in the language of the rest of the fic. If they don't, don't put words that they can't understand, just say "[person] says wome words in a language [PoVC] doesn't understand." If the other person is throwing in slang or swearing or something alongside the common language, it makes sense to put it in the other language verbatim, but that's mostly because it's one of those things where even if the PoV character can't understand the exact word, they can probably figure out the meaning with context clues.

Also, of course, a good pun may require language swapping. Gotta have it.

If you do feel compelled to keep it in the original language, though, I would say to figure out linked footnotes so the reader can see the meaning immediately if it's important enough to include. This often breaks up the flow of the story/conversation, though, so use it wisely.

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Definitely Les Mis, although 7yo Shitposting loved daydreaming about a slumber party with all of the Disney princesses talking about palace life and their husbands and such. (I still have not seen Wreck It Ralph 2, but the trailer fulfilled every single childhood dream of mine.)

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

This is like asking my to choose a favorite child??????

I'm still extremely proud of en l'Année 2014, but as I started listing the other fics that still spark joy for me, it's occurring to me that my favorite fics are ones where I got to explore new character dynamics and relationships eg Courfius, Fantine & Marguerite, Valjean & Cosette, Ep & Gav, Javert's backstory in the Web Series AU, etc.

Tagging @starkey, @serinesaccade, @thelibrarina, @annabrolena, @lesbianjolllly, and anyone else who wants to do this!

[icerats]

Warnings: None! :)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

100 G/T Prompts Master List

Borrowers, Trauma, & Pasta: Chapter 4

(45.Company)

Ian walked at a steady pace towards the kitchen, determination burning in his eyes. Every second or so he would glance up, almost expecting a human to appear out of thin air. To be fair, a human might as well. It wasn’t like he knew this human’s particular schedule. He sighed, going borrowing without knowing a human’s schedule, add that to the mental tally of rules he had already broken.

Ian jumped when he heard a voice in the kitchen, breaking him out of his stupor. 

“Awwww thanks, Bestie! You’re so sweet keeping me company!!” a voice was yelling.

He was about ready to just turn around and try a different house before he realized something. The voice was loud, sure, but it wasn’t nearly as loud as a human would be. Could it really be another borrower? But what borrower would be stupid enough to YELL during their borrowing trip?

Cautiously he continued making his way towards the entrance of the human’s kitchen. With each step he took, he heard another word come out of that deranged borrower’s mouth.

“Ooooh! Bestie! Bestie! Look, the human left a whole chocolate bar out!! Ooooh! It’s a Hershey’s bar!!”

What borrower would steal something that noticeable? Or be so loud about it? Also who the hell are they talking to? Is there another borrower there who just is selectively mute?

“Bestieeeeee you should look more excited than that! So what if you don’t eat chocolate!? You should be happy for me, you know!!”

Ian was starting to wonder if it was a good idea to even try to talk to this person. Although it didn’t seem like they were the type to be aggressive or territorial, it wasn’t out of the question that they were likely not completely sane.

“Stop giving me that look! You eat fucking wood! Nasty rotting wood! And yet you judge me for liking chocolate!?”

They ate what?? I can’t decide who’s crazier, the stupidly loud one or whoever the hell “Bestie” is.

Ian decided he had enough of hearing this borrower talking nonsense. Finally nearing the counter, he took out his hook and swung it towards the countertop. It hit the granite with a barely audible cling, before bouncing off and falling to the floor.

That subtle noise, however, was enough get the other borrower’s attention. “Ohhhh! Is someone there!?”

Would it be wise to answer at this point? It isn’t too late to just turn around and find somewhere el-

Ian looked up to see a pair of crazed red eyes staring down at him.

Nevermind then!

“Ooooh! It is another borrower!? I’m so glad to see you! I don’t have many friends!”

Gee, I wonder why.

“Want to climb up here and chat?”

“Shouldn’t you be concerned about the human coming back?”

“Ehhh it’s fine! She's at some place called 'work' right now? Or maybe it’s called 'starbucks'? I don’t really know, but she won’t be back until later so we’re fine!”

“How do you know?”

“She writes her whole schedule on the calendar silly! Now come up here, my new friend! I wanna chat with you!!”

“I’m not your friend. And you seem awfully sure the human won’t come home early.”

“And you’re just paranoid! Don’t worry about it! How do you live life all miserable like that anyway!?”

“How the hell are you still alive?”

“Uhh because I haven’t died yet, duh!! Anyways, come up here! I’ll give you food if you dooooooooo!!”

Ian really, really, wasn’t sure he wanted to. But that didn’t change the fact that Elissa did need food..

“Fine.”

“Great!!! Throw your hook up here! I’ll catch it!!!”

“I’m sorry what?”

“I said I’d catch it silly!”

Ian stared at them blankly, “It’s a hook.. That has a pointed end. It could take your eye out if you get too close to it.”

“Ehh what’s life without a little danger? It wouldn’t be the first time someone tried to hurt me!”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Oh you know how it is, some people are just a little territorial ahah. A little slash there, a little needle stab there, and that’s how I got that scar over my eye!” Ian didn’t know what was worse, the words they were actually saying or the bubbly tone of voice they chose to tell their story in.

“Anywaysssss it’s all cool now! I totally won the fight! So now I have a cool story to tell! Not like I ever had anyone besides Bestie to tell it to… OH! Wait, I have you now!!! We’re gonna be best friends!”

Please kill me.

“Anyway, what are you waiting for, silly? Throw your hook up, the counter ain’t getting any closer.”

Ian sighed, but did as he was told. I actually hope my hook impales them. Maybe then they’ll stop talking.

Once he reached the top, he was immediately trapped in a hug. Does this bitch have no sense of personal space?!

He glared.

They smiled.

They seem to have no concept for reading social cues, not exactly surprising.

“Oh!!! I’m so glad you’re up here with me! Meet Bestie!!” Ian turned his head, only to see - IS THAT A FUCKING TERMITE!?

“Isn’t she just adorable?” No, the fuck she isn’t! Get that thing away from me!

The other borrower frowned, noticing his silence. 

Oh thank fuck maybe they’ll take a hint.

It was only a few seconds before their manic smile was plastered right back onto their face. “Oh, you’re the quiet type right? Don’t worry I can do the talking! Bestie is pretty quiet too!” For the love of God, please do not compare me to that thing.

“Anyways I’m Blaze! What’s your name? I need to introduce you to Bestie!” They patted that disgusting creature’s head. Ian wondered why the hell that termite hasn’t bitten them yet.

Ian sighed once again, but responded in a very clipped tone. “Ian,” he said gruffly.

“Oh I’m so glad to meet you Ian!! Such a pretty name! Awww I bet Bestie is happy to meet you too!”

“Bestie” continued to stare blankly at him. Black, beady eyes staring deep into his soul.

The male borrower shuttered, he sure as hell hoped that “Bestie” wasn’t happy to meet him.

“Oh! Right? I was gonna get you food! The chocolate is mine by the way! Sorry, not sorry! I am sorry about forgetting to get you food though! My bad!” Wow, I’m surprised you actually remembered.

Blaze swung their hook up, angling it towards the kitchen’s cupboards. “I’ll be right back! Stay put Ian!” 

Oh thank God they’re leaving! Wait.. the termite.. “DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THAT FUCKING THING!”

Blaze paused, glancing down from their rope. “Oh! Don’t worry about Bestie. She’s pretty shy, I’m sure you guys will get along great!”

Oh God please no.