#i got so excited when i saw the flashback to him as a little boy bc finally!!! stede's trauma gets to be addressed!!!

[myiliterallyhavenolifegoals]

i'm unwell!!! because in stede's eyes, ned low was right!! ned says "he [ed] only likes you because of your bumbling amateur status" and calls stede blackbeard's "pet" just like izzy did in series 1

so stede steps up as a captain, kills the man who harmed his crew, and suddenly, for once in stede's life, he isn't a joke! the gentleman pirate is taken seriously and welcomed into the pirate community!

and what happens less than 24 hours later? ed calls their night together a mistake, AND LEAVES.

yes, obviously the situation is more nuanced, and these old men are once again struggling to communicate, but i 100% understand why stede went a bit of the rails at the end of episode 7. stede's been so focused on trying to help ed, that he's completely ignored his own ongoing identity crisis and trauma, and after the incident at the academy in series 1, this meltdown was long overdue.

[beomgyucoded]

Genre: friends to lovers, fluff, teeny bit of angst

Word Count: 19.8 k

Summary: a collection of diary entries turned love letters that tell the story of how you fell in love with Choi Beomgyu

*previously released as a series

*regular text is present day

*bold text are the diary entries/letters

*italic text are flashbacks

Note: I live in the U.S. so I based the school years on how mine went. Parts are going to vary in length, some will be super short and others will be long with multiple diary entries. They become more complex as the reader gets older. Also, all the members are the same age in this story!

Right now, a smile tugged at the corner of his rosy lips, and his eyes turned to look down at the ground. His fingers twitched as he twirled the wispy ends of his shoulder-length hair and pulled them through his fingers like he was soothing himself. The shy, sweet smile on his face brought one to yours. He was so beautiful, and you know you weren’t the only one to think so. You were positive everyone either wanted him in any way they could have him or wanted to be him. It was a bet you could easily win, because for as long as you could remember, people would come up to you and ask if you knew the pretty boy with the shy smile.

To this, you always answered, “I do, but not well.”

Which was mostly true. You’ve been acquainted with the boy since you were six years old, and started elementary school. You could never forget the day you met and he gave you a small wave, his face mostly hidden because he was hiding behind his parents. That was the day you started to adore him. Being a simple minded six year old, when you went home that day, you wrote in your little notebook about him. 

Years have gone by since then, and you're now in your late teens. You've watched him grow into an even more beautiful person, his features sharper and more defined, his hair still just as long and wispy as it was when he was a child. It seemed like everyone in your small town knew him, but he remained just as shy as ever, preferring to keep to himself or stick close to his group of friends.

You've continued writing since that first meeting, mentioning him in your notebook more times than you can count. All of it was words of admiration at first, before you became friends. The only interaction between the two of you was polite and brief. You were even shyer than him, so you stuck to just admiring him from afar, a simple smile or gesture of acknowledgement from him enough to make you blush a warm pink. As you got older, your friendship began to bud and now in high school, you were part of the same circle of friends.

You continued to watch him twirl his hair between his fingers, and you couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to have those soft locks teasing your own fingertips. But you quickly brushed the thought aside, feeling your face heat up with embarrassment. You couldn't believe you even thought of doing something like that, let alone actually being able to do it. You looked away, casting your eyes downwards towards the open notebook in front of you on the lunch table.

Glancing back up at him from under your lashes, you saw that he was still lost in his own thoughts, his smile fading away slowly as he continued to twirl his hair absentmindedly. You wondered what he was thinking about. Perhaps he was contemplating something important, or maybe he was just lost in his own world as usual. Another thing, he was always writing. You often found him deep in thought and writing in a little black notebook. One that matched yours, except yours was filled with pretty words and poems and love letters you won't send.

September 4th, 2007 

Today was my first day of school. I made a new friend that’s a boy. He was shy just like me. He hid behind his mommy and daddy but he waved at me. He looked kind of like a circle. 

It was your first day of school and you were beyond excited. You woke up bright and early that morning, putting on the outfit you picked out the night before just for the first day.

Your parents dropped you off and you walked into class with a smile on your face, feeling nervous and shy but ready to start going to school. As you settled into your seat, you looked around the room and saw the other kids with their parents, either crying or holding onto them for dear life, not wanting to be left alone in a new environment without them.

But then you saw him.

He was standing behind his parents, hiding behind them. You tried to catch his eye and give him a friendly smile, hoping to make him feel welcome, despite feeling just as shy as him. Eventually, he saw you and waved back with a small smile. You felt happy that you had made a new friend and curious about him at the same time. The boy and you sat side by side during the morning assembly. Even though you were too shy to make conversation, just sitting next to each other felt comforting. You made slight attempts at communication. Glancing furtively at each other whenever your teacher wasn’t watching, and smiled ever so slightly when your eyes met for a brief moment before looking away again with blushing cheeks.

You learned his name was Beomgyu.

September 5th, 2007

I thought Beomgyu was my friend. When I got to school today, all the boys stayed with each other and all the girls stayed with each other while we were on the playground. He said the other boys said he couldn’t have friends that were girls because girls were icky. That hurt my feelings, if I’m icky, then he’s icky. 

Beomgyu's interaction with the rest of his peers on that day started off well enough. He talked more today and tried to joke around with the other boys, trying to get over his shyness. But when the boys started grouping up together in one spot while the girls stayed by themselves in another, he suddenly stopped talking to you entirely and acted like you weren't friends at all anymore.

No matter how hard you tried to approach him or get his attention again he clearly sent out a message that felt like "you're not one of us" so it got harder for you to try again - especially after hearing those distressing words about how icky girls were. That was the last time you were talking to him, you decided. 

As the school day went on, and being the pouty six year old you were, you found yourself avoiding Beomgyu at all costs. You didn't want to be associated with someone who would abandon their friend so easily. When school was over that day and you were waiting for your mom to pick you up, you felt a small tap on your shoulder. It was Beomgyu.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into your ear as he held onto your hand tightly. 

"I didn't mean what I said earlier. You're not icky."

You looked up at him, a frown on your face.

"Why did you say that then?"

"I was just trying to be friends with the other boys," he admitted. 

"it's okay," you forgave him easily. 

He smiled. 

"Can we still be friends?" he asked sheepishly, extending his pinkie towards you.

It was then that some of the other boys in your class saw the two of you and started teasing, calling Beomgyu a sissy for being so close to a girl or mocking him for even attempting to make up with you after what had transpired earlier today. He lowered both his head and his pinkie, feeling hurt by their comments. You wanted to do something, but you knew if you said anything that they would just tease him more. So, you walked off, deciding to leave him alone and wait for your mom somewhere else. That was the last time the two of you spoke.

You didn’t try to be his friend after that. 

May 28th, 2011

I went to my first boy/girl party today. It started so late too. I showed up at 6 pm but the invitation said 5. My friends said it's better to be “fashionably late”, whatever that means. Beomgyu was there too, he smiled at me and I smiled back. My friends saw when this happened and they started squealing and making “ooh” sounds. That was annoying. Beomgyu and I aren’t even friends. The rest of the party was spent with everyone practically checking each other out, girls on one side of the room and boys on the other. We’re all ten now, I guess double digits means girls aren’t icky to boys anymore and the other way around. After all the craziness that happened at this first party, I've decided that I don't like parties. Even if boys will be there. (Even if Beomgyu will be there). Oh, and I had my first kiss tonight. (Almost had my second one too).

Today was an exciting day. A classmate was celebrating his tenth birthday and everyone was invited to the party. He promised it would be just like the ones we saw in movies. His parents would stay in their room, leaving us to have fun and play games until it was time to cut the cake. There would be pizza, video games, and lots of sweets for us to enjoy. He made sure to invite both boys and girls, and there were even rumors about kissing at the party. When you and your friends received your invitations, they suggested that you all go shopping together at the mall to find new outfits for the occasion.

After your dad picked you up from school that Friday, he dropped you off at the mall. A few of your friend's moms would be chaperoning your group as you all went shopping together. You spent most of the day wandering around the mall, trying on different clothes and listening to your friends giggle about boys. You didn't really care too much about boys or kissing, so you just listened to them, softly giggling and sometimes blushing at their words. 

On the day of the party, you put on your new dress and met up with your friends in front of the birthday boy's house. As soon as you walked in, the sound of laughter and music filled your ears. The boys were playing video games on one side of the room while the girls huddled together in the opposite corner. You spotted Beomgyu across the room and he looked different somehow.

He wasn't wearing his usual clothes, and his hair was parted showing his forehead. You didn't know that boys could do that too. He was wearing a blue shirt with black jeans, and his hair was styled neatly to the side. You felt a strange stirring in your chest as your eyes met his, and you quickly looked away. When you met his gaze again, you greeted him with a smile, and he smiled back warmly. Your friends were quick to start making teasing comments, but you ignored them. 

The two of you smiling at each other wasn't anything new. It was always a smile and wave when you two would see each other in school, as a form of acknowledgment. You always wondered if the two of you would be best friends if you decided to just ignore the stupid comments from your classmates when you were younger. There was no animosity between you, but it's not like the two of you talked aside from a simple hi or "you dropped this".

At some point during the night, a game of Truth or Dare began, and you found yourself sitting next to Beomgyu. The other players were daring each other to do ridiculous things like climb trees and sing at the top of their lungs. 

"Beomgyu, truth or dare?" one of the boys asked, snapping you out of your thoughts and looking at him. 

"Truth," he responded with a smile.

"Do you like anyone?"

All eyes turned to Beomgyu as he blushed and looked away.

"Maybe," he said shyly.

You felt your heart skip a beat as the other kids started teasing him. You didn't know why you were feeling like this, maybe it was because you were sitting so close to him and he looked so cute. The game quickly ended after that, and people started to break off into groups around the room, groups of boys and girls this time. You stayed with your friends and a few other boys, but your eyes kept wandering. You noticed how Beomgyu stood close to a girl and she would giggle and smile up at him. When this happened, the others standing with them started making “ooh” sounds and it made you feel uneasy in your stomach. 

The cake was cut eventually, and the birthday boy decided he wanted to play another game. Everyone huddled around the middle of the room for a game of spin-the-bottle. You took your place in the circle awkwardly, not really wanting to participate but feeling like you had no choice at this point. The bottle spun around and landed on a girl who giggled loudly as she leaned in to kiss one of the boys in the circle. You watched as everyone took their turns, feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second. When it was Beomgyu's turn, he spun the bottle nervously, and it landed on you. You felt your heart race as he leaned in, his lips brushing against yours softly before pulling away. It was a quick peck, but it was enough to make your head spin.

After the game ended, you sat down on the couch, feeling flushed. Beomgyu sat down next to you, looking at you with concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

You nodded slowly, trying to process what just happened.

"I don't like parties," you blurted out suddenly.

Beomgyu looked at you quizzically. "Why not?"

"I don't know," you said honestly. "It's just...there's so much pressure to be someone else. To fit in or do things I'm not comfortable with."

You felt oddly comfortable with him right now though. 

Beomgyu nodded slowly, fidgeting with the ends of his shirt.

"I feel the same way sometimes," he admitted.

You looked at him in surprise, wondering why he would feel that way when he seemed so popular.

"Why?" you questioned quietly.

"Because sometimes it feels like I have to be someone I'm not for them to like me," he said carefully. 

"Sometimes I just want to be real and not care what anyone else thinks."

"And who is that?" you asked him, turning to fully face him now.

He looked at you confused and you just laughed.

“Who’s the real Beomgyu then?” you clarified. 

Beomgyu just smiled at you, his eyes sparkling just like they always did. 

“He’s someone a lot quieter and to himself. I’m not sure anyone would like the real Beomgyu,” he said softly and dropped his head. 

“I would.”

The words slipped out of your mouth before you even realized what you were saying. Beomgyu looked up at you, surprise etched on his face. For a moment, neither of you spoke, just looking at each other in silence.

"Really?" Beomgyu finally asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

You nodded, feeling your heart race with adrenaline. 

"Really," you repeated, a little more confident this time.

A small smile spread across Beomgyu's face, and before you knew it, he was leaning in to kiss you again. However, before your lips could touch, one of his friends called out for him. He gave you an apologetic look and you gave him a small smile in return, telling him to go. You were still flustered over the first kiss and there was about to be a second one. 

September 6th, 2012

Today was the first day of middle school. I wasn’t nervous for the first day, even though it was a new school with new people. A lot of my friends from elementary school applied to the same school as me, so I knew some people. I was surprised to see Beomgyu and some of his friends though. I didn’t know he applied here too. I only found out because his locker is right next to mine and will be for the next three years. He was still a little shy and it was still cute. I met a lot of new people today and my friends said the boys in middle school were much cuter. They talked about who would look good with who in our little group and even I got curious. I heard things about eighth graders dating, but did sixth graders do that too? I won’t tell my friends, but Taehyun in my math class is cute, and really smart too. I saw Beomgyu with a girl today, they looked like they were flirting and I felt weird. Middle school is like a whole new world. 

Today was the first day of middle school, your friends and you were now in the 6th grade and things were changing. You weren’t one to be nervous for the first day of school ever, but your friends were. You spent last night on a video call with them trying to help them decide on what to wear today. You didn’t understand why it mattered so much and they would reply with, “it's middle school (y/n).” 

As you walked into school, you could hear the chatter of students and the sound of lockers slamming. But something caught your eye, someone you didn't expect to see here, Beomgyu. Your heart raced as you realized you would be seeing him every day for the next three years and at the fact that your locker was right next to his. Beomgyu caught your gaze and gave you that same small smile, the one he always did. 

Returning his smile, you gave a small wave and pretended to fiddle with your locker, unsure of how to act in this situation.

"Hey, (y/n), do you remember me?" Beomgyu asked shyly. 

"Of course I do Beomgyu, I didn't know you applied to this school," you replied softly, finding it adorable that he thought you’d forget about him so easily. 

“It’s a good school and was the closest to home,” Beomgyu said, as he started to open his locker and put his books in. 

You couldn’t help but steal glances at him, noticing how he changed since the last time you saw him at graduation. His hair was a little longer and he got taller. He was still pretty scrawny though. The bell rang shortly after and you both walked to your first class. Seeing that you two were walking in the same direction, Beomgyu started softly talking about his summer vacation and how he spent most of it playing video games. You nodded along, but your mind was elsewhere. He was still shy, you mentally noted, and it was even more endearing to you now. He waved to you when he got to his class and you smiled, not really sure of how else to respond, and kept walking. 

When you finally arrived at your first class, you were relieved to see that some of your other friends from elementary school were in the same class as you. You greeted them with hugs and excitement, trying to push the awkwardness with Beomgyu aside. Throughout the day, you kept encountering him in the hallways and found out that you shared a few classes. Every time you'd see each other, you'd smile and wave, like the routine you developed in elementary school. It was familiar, in a comforting way, and the awkwardness you were feeling towards him started to dissipate as the day continued. 

At lunch you saw him sitting with two new boys that didn't go to elementary school with you guys. You recognized them, since they were in a few of your classes too. Their names were Kang Taehyun and Huening Kai. Taehyun sat next to you in math, he had big, round, pretty eyes. Kai sat at your table in social studies and he was really friendly. His laugh was really loud but it made you want to laugh with him. Kai was animatedly talking about something with Taehyun, and Beomgyu had a hand resting on his cheek, a pen in the other hand writing something in a little book. You couldn’t help but wonder what it was that he was writing. When he noticed you, he gave you a small wave and went back to whatever he was writing, the small encounter causing you to blush for some reason. You shook your head slightly and looked around the cafeteria trying to spot any of your friends, going over to their table when you did. You pulled out your own little book and started to doodle, while listening to your friends gossip and talk about boys they thought were cute.  

The rest of your day went by in a blur, nothing exciting happening since all your teachers basically did the same thing today. You walked to your locker when the last bell rang, stopping in your tracks when you saw Beomgyu at his. He wasn’t alone though, there was a girl next to him and she was leaning against your locker, twirling her hair a little too forcefully as they talked to each other. You recognized her, she went to elementary school with you and was fairly popular. You remembered all the boys in your class having a crush on her. You felt strange as you watched Beomgyu laugh with the girl, his hand resting on her arm. You decided to gather your things and just go home, not wanting to see whatever was happening between them. 

“Excuse me,” you muttered softly, and she looked at you annoyed. 

You pointed to your locker and she moved, quickly going back to giggling at Beomgyu, which caused you to roll your eyes. Beomgyu looked at you when he heard your voice and gave you a small smile, like he usually did, but it felt different this time. You managed to give him a tight smile before walking away and going home.

November 2nd, 2012

Today was my first school dance, it was a halloween dance. Halloween was on a wednesday this year, but they didn't think it was convenient to have the dance on a wednesday, so it was pushed to today. It was weird to dress up in a costume in November, but I suppose costume parties aren’t just for halloween. I dressed up as an angel. My friends seem to make a big deal about a lot of our first experiences, like today, they decided we should all get ready together and then show up to the dance together. When they first heard about the dance, they immediately thought we should try to get dates. Sometimes I wonder why I’m friends with them because our interests and the things we prioritize are so different. They kept their word and managed to get dates, I didn’t, because I didn’t even want to go in the first place. Even though I didn’t have a date to my first dance, someone did ask me to dance and their costume paired well with mine.  It was sweet of them to ask. Beomgyu was there and he had a date. It was the same girl I saw him with that one day by our lockers, and almost everyday since then. Are they dating now? If they are, good for them. I don't care…

Today felt like it was dragging along. You felt like it was always like that on Friday’s, but today was especially slow and not just to you, but to everyone. Tonight was the Halloween Dance, and everyone’s anticipation and constant staring at the clock only seemed to make time move slower.

 As the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, your classroom erupted with a chorus of relieved voices. Students rushed to their lockers, grabbing their bags and shoving any and all books into them with eager anticipation of the evening ahead. But as you made your way through the crowded hallway, a sinking feeling settled in your stomach. The excitement buzzing around you only served as a stark reminder of your own lack of enthusiasm for the dance. Parties and gatherings were not your thing, anyone that knew you, knew this. Yet, for some reason you had a costume picked out and waiting for you at home. Your friends made plans to meet up after school to get ready together, however you were left out of these plans and weren’t told until today. Your friends knew you had to tell your parents at least a day ahead before asking to go out. It felt like they didn’t want you to join them. After saying bye to your friends, you took the bus home. Your parents weren’t able to pick you up today, and luckily they taught you how to get home using public transportation in case this happened. 

You got home shortly after, trudging up the stairs to your room. Slipping into your angel costume, you couldn't help but feel a sense of detachment from the festivities. Glittering wings adorned your back, and a halo perched lightly on your head, you looked at yourself in the mirror. You didn't recognize the person staring back at you. You felt like you were wearing a disguise, hiding behind the façade of an angel, when you felt anything but angelic. The heaviness in your chest and the weight of loneliness settled upon you, casting a deeper shadow over your already lack of excitement. You wondered if this was really worth it, the discomfort of pretending to enjoy a party you had no interest in attending. You were going because your friends were, and they said you had to be there. With a sigh, you decided to make the best of the situation. Maybe tonight would surprise you, and you'd find some hidden enjoyment somewhere in the midst of your stagnant melancholy.

The evening air was cool as you stepped out of your house and made your way towards the house your friends agreed to meet up at. The moon hung low in the sky, casting an eerie glow on the deserted streets. Halloween decorations still adorned houses, their flickering lights and grinning jack-o'-lanterns showing more of an expression than you were. It was a stark contrast to the emptiness of the night, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of foreboding. 

You arrived at your friends' house, the designated meeting spot for the evening. As you walked up to the front door, you could hear the faint sound of laughter and music echoing through the walls. Taking a deep breath, you knocked once and pushed open the door. The living room was transformed into a makeshift dressing room, with clothes and makeup strewn about all over the room. Your friends were gathered around a full-length mirror, each one meticulously perfecting their costumes. They didn't seem to notice your arrival at first, too engrossed in their own reflections. You stood there awkwardly, feeling like an outsider in your own group. It was moments like these when you questioned your friendship with them. Their shared enthusiasm and excitement for the dance seemed foreign to you, and you couldn't help but wonder if it was your fault for not fully embracing their interests or if they were to blame for excluding you from their plans. None of them made the effort to acknowledge your presence. The realization hit you like a punch to the gut; they didn't really care if you were there or not. You were just an afterthought, someone they had to invite out of obligation. 

“(y/n)! You’re here! When did you come in?” One of them asked, still not looking directly at you, snapping you out of your thoughts and shooting them a forced smile. 

“I just got here,” you said quietly and looked down. 

That wasn't true, you had to have been standing there for at least five minutes. But you didn't want to make a big deal out of it. You didn't want to draw attention to your own insecurities and feelings of exclusion. So, you brushed it off and joined them in front of the mirror. As you joined your friends in front of the mirror, they finally turned their attention towards you, their eyes widening in surprise as they took in your angelic appearance. A mixture of awe and excitement filled their faces, momentarily putting your doubts at bay. They complimented your costume and eagerly asked how you managed to look so ethereal. It felt good to be noticed, even if it was just for your outfit. Part of you felt like they were only being half-hearted in their words, but a compliment was a compliment and it made you feel good nonetheless.

As the group finished getting ready, you all made your way to the school. You walked slightly behind the group and just listened to their chatter like you always did. They talked about how they couldn’t wait to slow dance with their dates and potentially kiss them. Your group arrived at the school after a short walk and the moment you stepped through the doors, the atmosphere consumed you. The gymnasium had been transformed into a haunted castle and it looked better than you thought it would. The dim lighting and haunting decorations created an eerie but magical ambiance. The chattering of students and the thumping bass of the music reverberated through the air. You scanned the crowd, searching for familiar faces amidst the sea of costumes.

Your friends quickly dispersed, finding their dates or joining other groups. Left standing alone, you hesitated, unsure of where to go or what to do. So you took a seat on the bleachers, just sitting and observing the scene in front of you. You sat there for a majority of the evening, only getting up occasionally to get something to drink or accompany one of your friends to the bathroom. Since it was a school dance, there were sixth, seventh and eighth graders there. It was easy to tell who was who. The eighth graders tried to carry an air of maturity and do things they thought would make them look cool in front of the underclassmen. The seventh graders mostly kept to themselves, trying not to be awkward, yet they still looked more comfortable than you did here. And then there were the sixth graders. They were all buzzing with excitement, making a dramatic spectacle of every song that played, every “couple” that came together. They were still divided, with girls in one corner and boys in another, despite most of them having dates. Right then, the melodic tunes of a slow romantic song washed over the gymnasium, beckoning couples to take each other's hands and attempt to sway in harmony. It was then that you noticed Beomgyu standing across the room, his eyes locked on his date. She was absolutely stunning in her costume, and you watched as he took her hands awkwardly and they started to slow dance. You felt a pang of envy wash over you, but you weren’t sure what you wanted. Did you want someone to dance with you like that? Did you wish you were as pretty as she was? Did you want to just go home? Did you want Beomgyu to- You tore your gaze away from them, a feeling of loneliness settled deep within you once more. But just as you were about to descend further into your isolation and self-doubt, you felt a tap on your shoulder. Surprised, you turned your head to find Taehyun, one of Beomgyu’s friends, and one of the cutest boys in the sixth grade, standing in front of you with a shy smile on his face.

"Hey," he said softly. "Would you like to dance?"

You looked up at him, and saw that he was wearing a pair of devil horns on his head, his big warm eyes looking at you with genuine kindness. 

“M-me?” You stammered, taken aback by his unexpected invitation. 

Taehyun nodded, his smile widening as he held out his hand for you to take. A mix of surprise and anticipation swelled within you, and you hesitated for a moment before placing your trembling hand in his.

"Yeah," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. "I'd like to dance."

As Taehyun led you towards the dance floor, a rush of nervous excitement coursed through your veins. You could feel the eyes of the other students on you, curious and intrigued by the two of you together. One of your friends drew your attention and she shot you a “you go girl” look, which caused you to blush and turn your attention back to Taehyun. 

"I'm surprised you came here alone," Taehyun said and gently placed his hands at your waist.

He was a natural.

"What do you mean?" you asked shyly and put your hands on his shoulders, keeping your gaze glued to the floor. 

"Well, I've been watching you sit here all night, and it just didn't seem right for someone as pretty as you to be alone," he replied confidently and started to sway the two of you to the music. 

His words caught you off guard and you blushed at the compliment. His words were simple, but they seemed to hold a sincerity that made you feel seen and appreciated. 

“Did you come here alone?” you asked him, finally looking up to meet his eyes.

“I did,” he said and laughed, his hands were holding you as gently as he could. 

You were visibly surprised at his response, Taehyun was popular, smart and extremely cute. You thought he’d get asked a number of times, or at least ask someone, who would no doubt say yes. 

You heard him laugh again, “Is that really that surprising?” 

You nodded. 

“I should've asked you.” 

“Well if you did, I would have said yes.” 

“Our costumes even go together, it was meant to be,” he jokes and you giggled as he attempted to twirl you. 

The song came to an end and you thanked him for the dance, quickly being pulled away by your friends for the first time that evening. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Taehyun retreat back to his friends and one of them kept their eyes on you.

Beomgyu.

January 3rd, 2015

You were late today. I heard Kai and Taehyun talking about whether or not you’d show up. I kept looking at your locker, as if you’d just magically appear. This was a small thing that I looked forward to each day. Our little interactions at our lockers. It’s usually a small smile or a soft “good morning” but I really looked forward to it. It hasn’t really been happening since you’ve been hanging out with her more though. 

January 3rd, 2015

I heard them. They were talking about you. The girl you like I mean, she and her friends were talking about you. Usually, one would be happy by this. Even outsiders would be thrilled witnessing love. However, this wasn’t very thrilling. She was making fun of you and your feelings. She knew you’d fall at her feet and wanted to play with you for fun. She has been playing with you for fun since we started middle school. For some reason that tugged at my heart.

January 3rd, 2015

You did end up coming today, but you didn't look anyone in the eye. Not even your friends. I saw you though, at your locker. Your eyes were red and they looked empty, like someone pulled the rug from right under you and there was no sparkle. 

You couldn't help but feel a pang of worry as you watched him from across the hallway. Curiosity drew you closer, your footsteps light and cautious. You didn't want to intrude on his solitude, but you also couldn't bear to see him suffer in silence either. With hesitant steps, you approached his locker, unsure of what to say or do.

“Beomgyu?” you called out to him softly. 

He turned to face you, but still didn’t meet your gaze, though you knew he was listening. 

“Here,” you said and gently placed something in his hands.

It was a bag of gummy bears.

You watched the way his eyes widened slightly and he looked up for what was probably the first time today. 

“I didn’t realize that I bought two, and I know these have been your favorite since we were kids, so I’d like you to have them.”

His fingers gently gripped the bag in his hands and his eyes squeezed shut. When he opened them and looked at you again, you saw the sparkle. It wasn’t as bright as it usually was, but it was there, slowly flickering back to life. 

“You remember that?” he asked, the surprise clear in his voice.

“I do,” you confirmed.

“Why are you nervous right now?” he questioned, his voice as soft as ever.

“H-how do you know that I’m nervous?” you stammered, tugging slightly at a strand of your hair.

“You’re doing that thing with your hair. You’ve done that since we were kids.” 

It was now your turn to be surprised.

You giggled softly, slightly embarrassed with a mix of relief and amusement bubbling up inside you. 

"I guess some things never change, huh?" you replied, tucking the strand of hair behind your ear.

 It was true, whenever you felt nervous or uncertain, you had a habit of fiddling with your hair. Beomgyu's lips twitched into a small smile, faint but genuine. The tension that had been shrouding him seemed to dissipate ever so slightly.

"Yeah," he murmured, his voice still tinged with sadness. 

"Some things stay the same," he said and looked down again, this time fiddling with the bag of gummy bears.

He tore it open and held it out to you. A smile spread across your face, warmed by the small gesture. You reached out and took a gummy bear from the bag, popping it into your mouth. The two of you stood there in silence, chewing on the gummies and just looking at each other with shining eyes.

It was a simple moment, but it held a weight that words couldn't capture for both of you. At this time, Taehyun rounded the corner, a very familiar little black book in his hands and a small smirk adorned on his face. But when he saw the two of you, his smirk turned into a wide smile and he let you be.

He’ll give Beomgyu his book back some other time. 

September 8th, 2015

Today is the last day of summer vacation. I’d be starting high school tomorrow, and I was really looking forward to how the changes over the summer would transfer into the school year. A lot changed. Like a lot. Mostly good changes. I think I have real, genuine, friends now. But I’m afraid that my old group of “friends” will try to torment me throughout our high school years. I realized a lot of things about myself over the summer too. I can feel my face getting hot recalling them as I’m writing this. 

A lot had happened over the summer. A lot had changed. Your supposed friends had decided you would only bring them down, and despite them wanting a dramatic parting of your years of friendship, it ended quietly and expectedly. You weren’t hurt, and that seemed to bother them. You hung out with Taehyun a lot over the summer, Kai joining you two often. You found that you shared a lot in common with them, it was easy to get along with them and you never had to force yourself to go along with their plans. You learned that’s what friendship should feel like. 

Beomgyu would sometimes join you, his presence a comforting and familiar one. He seemed to carry a weight on his shoulders and you couldn't help but feel a sense of empathy towards him, especially after knowing that he had fallen for someone who didn't appreciate him. It was also strange how the two of you always seemed to show up around each other at just the right time, as if drawn together by some unseen force.

There was an instance where some random guy had been following you around on one of your evening walks and Beomgyu showed up then, catching on to the situation, pretending as if he’d been waiting for you. There was another time when you felt like having ice cream and when you went out to get some, you found Beomgyu walking out of the convenience store holding one of those ice creams with two sticks that you could split in half. He gave you the other half and joined you on your evening walk that night. You tried to brush them off as mere coincidences, but deep down, you knew there was something more at play.

After the “gummy bear incident”, as you like to refer to it as, there has been a subtle shift in your dynamic. Your interactions were never lacking in chemistry or politeness before, even with both of you being naturally shy individuals. But now, whenever the two of you found yourselves alone, neither of you could barely get a word out without stumbling over your words. Eye contact was practically non-existent between the two of you now, the air thick with unspoken tension and unfulfilled desires. The summer had brought you closer, yet somehow he still felt far away. And although you were hesitant to admit it out loud, your feelings for him had grown stronger with each passing day.

You liked him.

You’ve always liked Choi Beomgyu. 

September 9th, 2015

Today was the first day of high school. You and I are attending the same school again. You look really different now. Even though I saw it gradually happen over the summer, I’m pretty sure I spent most of today just looking at you. How tall you got, how deep your voice is now. Taehyun said you had a crush on someone, and it's good that you feel okay enough to feel like that about somone again I guess. I also met two new boys today, and we got along well. I'm looking forward to getting to know them.

As you entered the bustling hallways, sleek and gleaming under the bright fluorescent lights, you couldn't help but get lost in the sea of faces. There were whispers of excitement and trepidation that filled the air. Today was the first day of high school, a milestone that held both promise and uncertainty. You could feel the nervous energy radiating off the other freshmen as they hurried to find their lockers and compare schedules with friends that joined them from middle school. Taking a deep breath, you tried to steady your own racing heart, reminding yourself that everyone else most likely felt the same way you were feeling. 

As you navigated through the maze of lockers, you caught snippets of conversations. Excited chatter about summer adventures, worries about making new friends, and anxious whispers about the infamous teachers they were told to look out for. You saw a few familiar faces, including your former friends. Before any sort of interaction could happen between you, someone's frantic waving caught your attention. You sighed in relief seeing that it was Taehyun, and he was frantically waving at you to call you over. 

Grateful for the familiar, friendly face, you quickened your pace and made your way towards Taehyun. He was leaning against a row of lockers, his hair falling into his eyes as he scanned the crowd. As soon as he saw you approach, a wide grin spread across his face.

"Hey, you're finally here!" Taehyun exclaimed, his voice filled with genuine relief.

"Yeah," you replied with a nervous laugh. 

"Just trying to figure out where everything is."

Taehyun chuckled, brushing his hair back with a casual flick of his hand. 

"Don't worry, I've got it all figured out," he boasted playfully.

"I'm sure you do," you laughed and looked around. 

"Where's Kai?"

"He's at his locker, did you find where yours is yet?" Taehyun asked, leaning closer to look at the schedule in your hands. 

"No, I haven't. Want to help me find it since you got it "all figured out"?" 

Taehyun grinned and nodded, tucking his hands into his pockets as he fell into stride beside you. Together, you weaved through the bustling crowd of students, scanning the numbers on lockers until you finally found the one that matched the number on your schedule. With a sigh of relief, you spun the combination lock and swung open the metal door.

As you began to organize your books and supplies, Taehyun leaned against the locker next to yours, observing you with a twinkle in his eyes. 

"So," he began, "nervous about any particular classes?"

"Not really."

"Are you going to join any clubs or teams here?" he asked, though you could tell his attention was now somewhere else.

You were going to look up and jokingly ask why he wasn’t paying you any attention, but instead your heart started to beat really fast. Across the hall was Beomgyu, standing at his locker and you're only now noticing that Taehyun left your side to approach him. You watched as Taehyun sauntered over to Beomgyu with a mischievous glint in his eye. The two of them exchanged a few words, their conversation drowned out by the surrounding chatter. Beomgyu looked surprised at first but then broke into a shy smile, nodding in agreement to whatever Taehyun had asked him. The sight of both of them approaching you snapped you out of your daze and you quickly went back to organizing your things. 

“Hey,” Beomgyu greeted you softly.

 “Hi,” you slightly blushed, voice just as soft.

Watching this, Taehyun couldn't help but snicker because of what he knew. Taehyun stepped closer, now joining you and Beomgyu, his chuckles escaping his lips. You glanced at him with a raised eyebrow, curiosity tugging at your thoughts. 

"What's so funny?" you questioned, tilting your head to the side.

"Oh, nothing," Taehyun replied coyly, a mischievous glimmer still lingering in his eyes. 

"Just enjoying the sight in front of me."

Your cheeks flushed a deeper shade of pink as you exchanged a look with Beomgyu. 

"What are you going on about?" you asked cautiously, trying to hide your flustered state.

Taehyun chuckled again, nudging Beomgyu playfully. 

"Well, it just so happens that Beomgyu here has a little crush on someone," he teased, winking at Beomgyu.

Beomgyu's face turned several shades of red, and he shot Taehyun a playful glare. Your eyes widened slightly at Taehyun's words and you casted your eyes down to the floor, the only thing on your mind now was a simple question:

Again?

With a shy smile, Beomgyu glanced at you before turning his attention back to Taehyun. 

"Hey, don't go spreading rumors," he mumbled, trying to hide the blush creeping up his cheeks.

Taehyun chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"Who said anything about rumors? I'm just stating the truth." He grinned mischievously, clearly enjoying the reaction he was getting from both of you.

Taehyun looked at you and smirked. 

"You see, he's got this little black notebook and-" he was cut off by Beomgyu practically pouncing on him and covering his mouth shut. 

You couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Beomgyu trying to silence Taehyun. It was clear that there was more to this story than Taehyun was able to say. You glanced between the two of them, biting your lip to supress your laugh.

"What's in the black notebook, Beomgyu?" you finally asked, a genuine glimmer of curiosity in your eyes.

Beomgyu's face turned an even deeper shade of red as he released his hold on Taehyun, who immediately took the opportunity to tease him further.

"Oh, just a little collection of poems and doodles," Taehyun said with a smirk.

"They aren't poems," Beomgyu mumbled, looking down now.

"They're just silly scribbles," Beomgyu continued, his voice barely above a whisper.

His embarrassment was palpable, and there was a hint of vulnerability in his eyes. With a gentle smile, and a small burst of confidence, you took a step closer to him and reached out to touch his arm.

"I have a little black notebook too," you said, hoping to lessen any embarrassment he was feeling. 

Beomgyu's eyes widened in surprise as he looked at you, his blush fading slightly. 

"Really?" he asked, his voice filled with both excitement and curiosity.

You nodded, your own embarrassment now surfacing.

"Yeah," you replied softly. 

"Yeah, and it's my diary that's practically filled with love letters I can't send to you," you thought to yourself.

Before any more words could be exchanged, Kai approached you guys with a loud "hey" and the four of you started to compare schedules. You looked to Beomgyu one more time, finding that he was already looking at you, and you both looked away blushing yet again. Taehyun only shook his head in amusement and continued to point out the classes you all shared together. 

The rest of the day went by quickly, and as the final bell signaling the end of the school day rang, you found yourself walking alongside Beomgyu towards the exit. The air was filled with a comfortable silence, a warmth settling between you two.

"I can't believe Taehyun spilled the beans like that," Beomgyu muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.

You giggled softly, feeling a surge of contentment wash over you. 

"Well, at least now I know I'm not the only one with secrets."

You two found Taehyun and Kai outside by the school's entrance, along with two other boys you've never seen before. As you approached the group, you squinted your eyes, trying to get a better look as if that would help you recognize them. One of them, with his tall stature and warm smile, extended a hand towards you in greeting.

"Hi there," he said, his voice friendly and inviting. 

"I'm Soobin. It's nice to meet you."

You shook his hand, returning his smile with one of your own. 

"Nice to meet you too, Soobin. I'm (Y/N)."

The other boy, on the other hand, had an air of confidence about him. His dark hair was styled effortlessly and his gaze, though piercing, was still inviting and held a hint of mischief. 

"Hey, (Y/N). I'm Yeonjun, nice to meet you." he introduced, giving you a charming smile. 

You nodded in acknowledgement, feeling the spark of curiosity ignite within you. There was something magnetic about these two new faces, something that made you want to know them better. After the small introduction, you waved your friends goodbye and made your way home, looking forward to the next day and the rest of your years at this school. 

February 14th, 2017

Today was Valentine’s Day. I wanted to mark this as a milestone. Although it’s not the first Valentine’s Day after I acknowledged my feelings for you, it’s the first one where I acknowledged them and have money of my own to buy you a present. Did I do that? Of course not. But something else happened, something better. I think you’d agree. I also think we were set up, which reminds me that I have to thank Taehyun and Yeonjun tomorrow. 

February 14th, Valentine’s Day. You never really understood the point of the holiday. Never understanding why a day needed to be dedicated to love. You thought love should be expressed everyday, through big or small gestures. In elementary school, it seemed like another excuse to be able to eat candy and chocolate, which you didn’t mind at all. In middle school, people started to use the day as an opportunity to confess, that way if rejected they could play it off as an obligatory present. In high school, it seemed more serious. People planned to confess with the intentions of a relationship, not like in middle school where you would confess just to get it over with. As you walked down the halls of your high school, you took notice of the flurry of red and pink decorations adorning lockers, walls, and even the ceiling. Couples exchanged heartfelt gifts and whispered sweet nothings to each other, while others eagerly awaited their own moment to confess their feelings. Shaking your head, you made your way to your locker, finding Beomgyu at his.

"Beomgyu, good morning," you called out to him, your voice small and cheeks getting warm from the sight of him.

He turned slightly and gave you a sweet smile in acknowledgement. 

"Good morning," Beomgyu replied, his eyes sparkling with warmth. He closed his locker and leaned against it as he looked at you. 

"Happy Valentine's Day."

You couldn't help but blush deeper at his words, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness bubbling inside you. 

"Happy Valentine's Day to you too," you replied, mustering up all the courage you had.

Beomgyu chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners in a way that made your heart flutter. 

"Do you have any plans for today?" he asked, tilting his head slightly.

The tilt of his head caused his hair to fall into his eyes, and without thinking, you reached out and brushed his hair out of his face. Beomgyu's eyes widened slightly at your touch, his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink. He seemed momentarily taken aback before a smile slowly graced his lips.

"Thanks," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

The way he looked at you, with such gentle adoration, made your heart skip a beat.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that. I wasn't thinking," you stammered, your face burning with embarrassment.

Beomgyu shook his head, still smiling softly.

"Don't apologize," he said, his voice gentle and reassuring. 

"I liked it."

Your face flushed even deeper at his words, but a shy smile tugged at the corners of your lips. As the two of you stood there, caught in a moment of unspoken connection, the sound of laughter and chatter echoed down the hallway. You both turned to see Taehyun and Yeonjun approaching, their faces bright. Taehyun had a mischievous grin playing on his lips, while Yeonjun had a glint of excitement in his eyes.

"Hey, lovebirds!" Taehyun called out with a teasing grin.

"Did we interrupt something?"

You felt your face grow even hotter, embarrassed by the attention, but Beomgyu's presence beside you gave you a sense of comfort.

Yeonjun nudged Taehyun playfully. 

"Leave them alone, Tae. Can't you see they're having a moment?"

Beomgyu chuckled softly, shaking his head. 

"It's fine, guys. We were just talking." 

You immediately nodded in agreement. 

“Right, can’t two friends just talk?”

You can tell that neither of them were convinced, but they decided to drop the teasing and turn their attention to their own plans for the day. Apparently all six of us were going to hang out after school, since none of us have a Valentine. Soobin, being as boyfriend coded as he is, thought it would be hilarious to plan something sickeningly sweet for us all to do after school. Taehyun, Yeonjun, and Kai were all on board with the idea, finding it both humorous and enjoyable. They offered to handle the arrangements. 

After that, the rest of the day seemed to stretch on endlessly. You witnessed numerous confessions, with some leading to a positive outcome and others resulting in unnecessarily harsh rejection. By your lunch period, you saw your friends walk into the cafeteria holding multiple boxes of chocolates. You weren't surprised in the slightest, they were all incredibly charming and attractive. 

As you and Kai walked to your next class after lunch, he explained that both he and Taehyun couldn't make it to the group's afternoon plans. When you asked for a reason, all he said was "something came up". You didn't press any further, even though you were confused, but you figured that Kai had his own reasons for keeping things vague. 

When the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, you found yourself walking alongside Beomgyu towards the designated meeting spot. The meeting spot was a quaint little café tucked away in a quiet corner of town. The air was filled with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee, and soft jazz music played in the background, creating a cozy ambiance. You looked around for any sight of Yeonjun or Soobin, and saw Beomgyu doing the same. But to your surprise, neither Yeonjun nor Soobin were there. You exchanged a confused glance with Beomgyu, wondering where they could be.

"I thought they would be here already," Beomgyu said, furrowing his brows. 

"Maybe they got caught up with something."

"They'll probably show up soon. Let's just grab a table and wait for them."

Beomgyu smiled at you gratefully, the corners of his lips lifting up. Your heart started to race at the sight, and you couldn't help but return the smile, feeling a warm sense of comfort settle in your chest. You found a small table near the window, and Beomgyu pulled out a chair for you, his gestures filled with a gentle tenderness. As you settled into your seats, the anticipation of the afternoon plans mixed with a hint of uncertainty lingered in the air. You glanced at Beomgyu, who was lost in his own thoughts, a faint furrow still etched on his forehead. He pulled out his little black notebook and started to scribble. A soft smile played on your lips as you watched him, and you recalled that he was writing in the book earlier today too. 

Curiosity getting the best of you, you leaned in a bit closer, trying to catch a glimpse of what Beomgyu was writing. However, as if sensing your prying eyes, he quickly closed the notebook and looked up at you with a grin.

"Oh, so you're interested in my little secrets now?" he teased, playfully raising an eyebrow.

You blushed and shook your head, feeling a mix of embarrassment and intrigue. 

"I was just curious. You wrote in that book a lot today."

Beomgyu's smile softened, and he slid the notebook back into his backpack. Before he could respond, the sound of an incoming text notification went off and you picked up your phone. 

"it's from Yeonjun," you announced, reading the message quietly to yourself. 

You frowned slightly, disappointed that Yeonjun wouldn't be joining you. But the text message left you with more questions than answers. What could be so urgent that he couldn't even explain? And why did he add that playful winking emoji at the end?

Beomgyu, who had been waiting for your response, leaned in to catch a glimpse of the message. His brows furrowed, mirroring your own confusion. 

"That's strange," he murmured. 

"Yeonjun usually doesn't leave things so vague."

Then, another notification came in, Beomgyu picking up his phone this time. 

"It's Soobin," Beomgyu read, his eyes narrowing as he read the message. He let out a soft chuckle and shook his head.

"What is it?" you asked, leaning closer to see the message on his phone.

You exchanged a bewildered look with Beomgyu, the pieces of the puzzle not quite fitting together. It was too much of a coincidence that at this point, you didn't believe that any of this was a coincidence. You were starting to feel like you and Beomgyu were being set up. The sound of another text coming in on Beomgyu's phone brought you back to the present. Beomgyu glanced at his phone and his eyes widened in surprise, a faint pink now dusting his cheeks. Sitting up a little straighter, he cleared his throat and looked at you. 

"Should we just go home...?"

His voice trailed off as if he didn't want to ask the question. 

“I-I mean, we’re already here. But they never exactly said what we’d be doing so..” you stammered over your words, not expecting him to ask that.

Did he want to leave?

Beomgyu sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly as if he was trying to make himself smaller out of nervousness.

"Are you okay with it being just the two of us?" he asked, his voice tinged with a mix of nervousness and hope.

"I think we can still have a great time together," he added, mustering a small smile. 

Your heart started beating faster at his words, the warmth in his eyes reflecting the genuine desire for your company. You found yourself nodding, unable to form words as you simply smiled at him. Beomgyu's face brightened at your response, a genuine grin spreading across his features. He stood up from his seat and you followed, both of you walking out of the cafe. 

“Is there anywhere specific you want to go?”

He asked as he checked his phone. 

“I’m okay with anything really. Just walking around like this is nice too.”

He gave a slight nod and put his phone in his pocket, “how about an arcade? There’s one nearby.”

Your eyes lit up and you nodded, “I love arcades. I haven’t been to one in a long time.”

Beomgyu smiled, looking at you, “was the last time when we went to one in fifth grade? For that school trip?”

“Yeah, it was then. I think I spent all the money I got on the claw machines,” you said with a small laugh as you recalled the trip.  

“The claw machines are probably my favorite.” 

“You know…” Beomgyu started, “I’m known as the king of claws,” he said with as playful smirk. 

“Is that so? I’ll have to see it to believe it,” you replied giggling. 

You arrived at the arcade shortly after and he did prove it. His first try, he won a small teddy bear. You watched as he kneeled down to retrieve his prize, then stood up and handed it to you. 

“Believe me now?” He asked with a grin, running a hand through his hair. 

You gently took the teddy bear and hugged it to your chest. 

“I think you got lucky,” you teased, even though you did believe him. 

He raised an eyebrow as if to say “oh yeah?” and tried a different one. This time he won a prize in two tries, retrieving it and turning around with his arms crossed. You bit back a laugh and clutched the teddy bear in your hands a little tighter. 

“Okay, I digress. You’re the king of claws,” you admitted to fuel his already growing ego, and just to see him feel good about himself. 

He grinned, satisfied with your words and then brushed the imaginary dust off his shoulders. 

“I was only teasing you know, I believed you from the start,” you said softly, adjusting your backpack on your back. 

“I know, I was playing along and trying to impress you,” he mumbled, suddenly feeling shy. 

You blushed at his confession, feeling a warmth spreading through your chest. Beomgyu's vulnerability and effort to impress you made your heart flutter. You reached out and gently nudged his arm with your elbow.

"Well, you succeeded," you said, your voice filled with sincerity.

Beomgyu's cheeks flushed a deeper shade of pink, and he couldn't hide the bashful smile that tugged at his lips.

You kept wandering through the arcade, trying out different games and amassing more tickets. Rather than exchanging them for prizes, you opted to give them to a group of young children also enjoying the arcade. You didn't want to carry all your winnings and your backpacks, it would have been too exhausting. It was also nice to see the way their eyes lit up when you gave them the tickets. You made sure to hold onto the teddy bear Beomgyu won for you when you first got there though.

As the afternoon turned into evening, you and Beomgyu decided to leave the arcade. The two of you walked side by side on the bustling streets, occasionally bumping into each other playfully. There was a comfortable silence between you, no need for constant conversation. It was enough just to be in each other's presence. Beomgyu checked his phone and suggested finding someplace to have dinner. You nodded in agreement, your stomach rumbling in anticipation. Together, you searched for a nearby restaurant, eager to continue the enjoyable day you were having. 

As luck would have it, you stumbled upon a cozy little diner with the inviting aroma of comfort food wafting through the air. You entered the diner and were immediately greeted by the friendly chatter of other diners and the clinking of cutlery against plates. Beomgyu led the way to a booth near the window, and you slid in across from him. After scanning the menu, you glanced at the teddy bear that you put to sit neatly on the table.

"Has anyone ever told you that you look like a teddy bear?" you asked him suddenly. 

He chuckled softly, reaching across the table to playfully poke the teddy bear's nose.

"Well no, no one has ever compared me to a teddy bear before," he replied, his voice tinged with amusement.

"But I guess I can see why you'd say that. Is it because of my fluffy hair?"

"Your hair is part of it," you started to say, but stopped and wondered if you should continue. 

You thought for a moment, considering whether to share your feelings with Beomgyu. Not confess to him, you weren't ready for that. You looked into Beomgyu's eyes and found comfort and reassurance staring back at you. Encouraged by his presence, you decided to open up.

"Actually, it's not just your hair," you confessed, your voice filled with a mix of nervousness and sincerity. 

"It's more about how being around you makes me feel. You have this warmth and kindness that reminds me of a teddy bear. Whenever I'm with you, it's like being wrapped in a comforting embrace."

Beomgyu leaned back against the booth and looked at you, his eyes filled with warmth and affection. A soft smile graced his lips as he took in your words, and you could see the genuine joy sparkling in his eyes.

"Thank you," he said, his voice soft.

"That's honestly one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me."

"You know," he continued, his smile growing wider, "I feel the same way about you. Whenever I'm with you, it feels like all the worries and troubles disappear, and I'm just surrounded by this incredible sense of happiness and comfort." 

"I wonder if it would've been like this still, if we decided to ignore those stupid boys when we were six," he mused aloud, a sense of nostalgia now surrounding your booth. 

You chuckled softly, reminiscing on the memory of the day you first met and the day after.

"I'm surprised you remember that. I only left you alone so they would stop calling you those mean names," you said, fondness in your voice.

"I didn't like seeing you so disheartened and I thought that was the best thing to do," you explained, a hint of sheepishness coloring your cheeks.

"You were really considerate for being six years old," he replied, a wistful smile playing on his lips. 

The waitress approached your table, interrupting your conversation as she took your orders. As you waited for your food to arrive, you found yourselves lost in each other's company, talking about everything and nothing at all. When your food arrived and you dug into your meals, savoring the taste and coninuing to enjoy each other's presence. The diner was filled with a comforting ambiance, the soft buzz of conversation and the clinking of cutlery providing a soothing soundtrack to your moment together. 

You excused yourself to the restroom and came back to find that Beomgyu already paid for both of you. He stood up upon your return and you left the diner.

The night air was cool against your skin as you continued your stroll down the streets. The city lights illuminated the path ahead, casting a warm glow over everything. You looked up at Beomgyu and found him checking his phone again. 

"Is everything okay?" you asked, noticing the slight furrow of his brows as he scrolled through his phone.

"Yeah, it's nothing," Beomgyu replied, slipping his phone back into his pocket. 

"Do you still go on those evening walks?" he asked in a clear attempt to change the subject. 

You smiled at the question, recalling the habit you had developed long ago.

"Yes, I do," you replied. 

"I find them quite calming, especially after a busy day. It's a chance to clear my mind and appreciate the beauty of the world around me."

"Then, would you like to take a walk now? Before we go home?" he asked, a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

You nodded, feeling a surge of excitement coursing through you. You didn't want whatever this was to end just yet, and his question allowed you to believe that he didn't either. You walked side by side, not really following a specific path. As you strolled through the city streets, the sound of your footsteps harmonized with the rhythm of your conversation, a sense of serenity enveloping you both. The bustling chaos of the city seemed to fade into the background as you wandered aimlessly, and soon the two of you found yourselves in a small park.

 The park was mostly empty, save for a few older couples scattered on benches. You noticed a beautiful gazebo standing gracefully in the distance. You immediately walked towards the gazebo, Beomgyu following closely behind. The moonlight filtered through the intricate ironwork of the structure, casting delicate shadows on the ground below and you stood there for a while, Beomgyu right by your side, taking in the scene before you and looking up at the moon. The night was getting darker, and both of you had to wake up early for school the following day.

"Should we get going now?" you asked, glancing at Beomgyu. 

"Yeah, we probably should," he replied softly.

As you started to leave the park, Beomgyu kindly offered to walk you home. You accepted with a grateful nod and a gentle smile, walking in the direction of your house together. 

You watched as he checked his phone once again, his eyes widening and he shook his head slightly, as if in disbelief of what he read.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" you asked, concern lacing your voice.

"Y-yeah, everything is good," he said, his voice tinged with nervousness. He slipped his phone back into his pocket and took a deep breath, trying to compose himself.

"If you say so, it's just- you've been checking your phone since we left the cafe," you pointed out.

"I promise, it's nothing to worry about. I was just checking something," he assured, and you believed him for now.

Little did you know, he'd been checking a list Soobin had sent him of all the things they were supposed to do after school, though he thinks they altered it. He knows for sure they altered it. Still, he made sure to do all of them (he didn’t feed you though, he’d blush too much trying to).

Except for the fourth thing, it wasn't time yet. 

March 13th, 2017

Today’s your birthday, your 16th birthday to be more specific. I was the first of our friends to turn 16, then Taehyun, and I think Yeonjun made turning 16 a bigger deal than it is. Though, it was nice to see you excited for your birthday. I hope your excitement is still as big today.  I debated a lot on what to get you, or if I should even get you something at all. In the end I did, the beaded bracelet on my wrist that you got me for my birthday, gave me an idea. I really hope you like it. If I had the courage, this is how I would give it to you: I  imagine going on a walk with you. Planned this time. Either under the moonlight or early in the morning. Taking in the fresh, crisp air and getting a chance to breathe. I’d listen attentively and answer all your questions wholeheartedly, and ask you some of my own. You’d surprise me by bringing up something I thought was too minuscule to remember and then you’d probably let out that precious giggle, followed by that pretty smile. It would quickly be replaced by your own surprise because I would bring something up about you too, and let out a small giggle of my own. It would feel like we were away from the real world for a while, surrounded by warmth and magic- cause that’s what you’re made of in my eyes. Then we’d stop somewhere, maybe by the Han River or the park we went to on Valentine’s Day and that’s where I’d give you my present. However, I wouldn’t be able to do this, so I’ll have to settle for lamely giving it to you when I see you in school. 

Today was the warmest day of the week, and your nervousness was making you feel even warmer. The bracelets on your arm jingled and clinked as you nervously fiddled with them, the sound catching the attention of your friends. Yeonjun and Kai noticed your anxiousness and playfully teased you for it as you walked through the school hallway. Their laughter only fueled your nerves, and you blushed, desperately trying to hide your embarrassment.

"Come on, it's just a birthday present," Kai said with a grin.

"Yeah, don't be so nervous," Yeonjun added, nudging you playfully.

"I'm sure he'll love it."

You managed a weak smile, grateful for their support. Deep down though, you couldn't help but doubt yourself. What if he didn't like the present? What if it wasn't good enough? Your mind swirled with insecurities as you made your way to your first class, not even bothering to stop at your locker. Beomgyu would probably be there, across the hall at his, and you wouldn't be able to give him the present, let alone see or talk to him right now.

March 13th, 2017

It’s already lunch time and I still haven’t been able to give it to you. I also think you’ve caught onto the fact that I’m avoiding you. The guys were teasing me earlier but Taehyun realized just how nervous I actually am and has been staying by my side. After Valentine’s Day, it felt like we were both holding something back. I knew I was, but what could you be keeping from me? Do you like me too? That’s probably impossible. Did you pick up on the fact that I like you, and you don’t know how to tell me that you just want to be friends? I’m overthinking again… 

Taehyun nudged you gently to get your attention. You looked up from fervently writing and saw his eyes filled with concern. 

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked softly.

You sighed, closing the little black notebook. 

"I don't know, Taehyun. I've been avoiding Beomgyu all day, and I can tell he's noticed. But I just... I can't bring myself to give him the present."

Taehyun tilted his head, his expression thoughtful.

"Why not?"

You looked at Taehyun, uncertainty clouding your eyes. 

"I guess I'm just scared," you admitted reluctantly.

"What if he doesn't like it? What if it's not good enough?"

Taehyun's gaze softened, understanding flickering in his eyes. He placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. 

"Listen, I get it. It's natural to be nervous about this kind of thing. But Beomgyu is not the kind of person who would judge what kind of present he gets. And take it from me, he'd be over the moon to get anything as long as it's from you."

You took a deep breath, trying to absorb Taehyun's words of encouragement. He was right, you knew Beomgyu well enough by now to know that he wouldn't judge your gift. Still, the anxiety gnawed at you like a persistent itch.

"Thank you, Taehyun," you whispered, appreciating his unwavering support.

"I needed to hear that."

He squeezed your shoulder gently before releasing it and giving you an encouraging smile.

"Anytime. Now go find him and give him that present. I'm sure he's waiting for it."

March 13th, 2017

Despite what Taehyun said, I still didn’t do it. It's eighth period, and the bell signaling the end of the school day will ring in a few minutes. I know I’ll see you before going home, cause I have to go to my locker. I don’t need all these books. Maybe I can prolong going to my locker for as long as possible. Just until you, along with everyone else in the school leaves.

As the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, you found yourself lingering in the classroom, pretending to organize your books. Each passing minute felt like an eternity, and you couldn't shake off the knot of nervousness that had settled in your stomach. The classroom slowly emptied out, leaving you alone with your racing thoughts.

Ten minutes passed, and you peeked out of the classroom to find the halls nearly empty. This was your chance to pack up your books and head home, without the worry of bumping into anyone, especially Beomgyu. As you turned the corner, you spotted Beomgyu leaning against the lockers, his eyes casted down to the floor. Your heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, and you couldn't help but feel a mix of anxiousness and fear.

And a little bit of guilt.

What was he still doing here?

Beomgyu looked up as the sound of footsteps echoed through the empty hallway. His eyes met yours, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. You watched as a flicker of surprise and disappointment passed over his face before he quickly masked it with a small smile.

"Hey," he said, his voice filled with warmth but tinged with a hint of uncertainty.

"Hi," you replied, your voice almost a whisper as nerves danced in your stomach.

Beomgyu seemed to sense your unease, taking a step closer to you, his expression filled with concern.

"Is everything alright?" he asked softly, his gaze locked with yours.

"You've been avoiding me all day."

"oh, you noticed," you mumbled, your voice barely audible.

Your eyes darted away from his gaze, unable to meet his penetrating stare. Beomgyu reached out, gently placing a hand on your arm.

"Yeah, I noticed," he said gently.

"Did I do something wrong?"

His touch caused you to jump, and he quickly retract his hand. You could see the hurt flash in his eyes, and guilt washed over you. 

"No, no, it's not you," you stammered, finally mustering the courage to meet his gaze.

"It's just... I've been feeling overwhelmed today."

Beomgyu nodded, his expression softening with understanding.

"I'm sorry if I added to that. I didn't mean to make you feel overwhelmed."

You shook your head quickly, wanting to reassure him.

"No, it's not your fault, really. It's just... I didn't know how to give you something."

Beomgyu's brow furrowed slightly, confusion evident in his eyes.

"Give me something?" he repeated, his voice laced with curiosity. 

"Happy Birthday," you whispered, your eyes squeezed shut as you held out the present you made for him.

Beomgyu's eyes widened as he took the gift from your trembling hands. For a moment, he simply stared at it, as if unable to comprehend what was happening. Then, a warm smile spread across his face, and he pulled you into a tight embrace.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice filled with genuine gratitude.

"You have no idea how much this means to me."

Relief flooded through you as you melted into his embrace, feeling safe and secure in his arms.

"It's a bracelet. Like the one you gave me for my birthday. I added a teddy bear charm, cause well... you remember what I said," you whispered, your voice trailing off.

A tenderness settled over Beomgyu's expression, and he nodded in understanding.

"I remember," he replied softly, his fingers tracing the delicate charm on the bracelet.

"It means the world to me."

"I'm sorry for avoiding you," you murmured, your voice barely audible.

"I was just scared, clearly for no reason."

Beomgyu put the bracelet on, holding out his wrist for you to see. You gazed at his wrist, the bracelet snugly hugging his skin. The sight brought a smile to your face, and seeing you smile caused Beomgyu to smile too. 

"Can I walk you home?" he softly asked, his voice filled with a newfound warmth. 

You nodded, your heart fluttering with relief and excitement. As you walked side by side down the deserted school halls, you found yourself sticking closer than usual to him. The two of you strolled down the familiar streets, sharing lighthearted banter and laughter. Beomgyu's hand brushed against yours occasionally, sending feelings of electricity through your veins. As you reached your front gate, silence fell between the two of you.

"Thank you for walking me home," you said softly.

Beomgyu smiled, his eyes looking you over with pure adoration.

"It was my pleasure," he replied gently. 

"I'm sorry again for avoiding you on your birthday," you said quickly, not wanting him to leave just yet.

"Don't apologize," he said, his voice filled with sincerity.

"Thank you again for the bracelet, I'll treasure it."

"I'm glad you like it," you whispered, your voice filled with genuine happiness.

A sudden burst of courage overtook you, "there's another thing I forgot to give you," you said almost confidently and made sure to meet his eyes.

Beomgyu's eyebrows raised in surprise, curiosity taking over his features. 

"Oh? What is it?" he asked, a playful smile now tugging at the corners of his lips.

You took a deep breath, your heart hammering against your chest. All that nervousness was resurfacing but you weren't going to back out now. You slowly stood on your tippy toes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

Beomgyu's eyes widened at the unexpected gesture, his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink. He stood frozen for a moment, processing the gentle touch of your lips on his skin.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice barely audible. His hand instinctively reached up to touch the spot where your lips had touched his cheek.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow," you whispered, a shy smile playing on your lips.

Beomgyu nodded, still slightly stunned by the unexpected kiss.

"Yeah, definitely," he replied, his voice filled with a mix of surprise and anticipation.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

You waved goodbye, feeling a newfound sense of confidence as you walked towards your front door. As you closed the door behind you, the confidence turned to slight embarrassment and you felt your face get hot.

You can't believe you just did that.

May 18th, 2018

It’s hard to believe that junior year is almost over. Then we’ll be seniors. For some reason, today felt like one of those “hey let’s reflect on my life” days and I decided that I’ve been really happy lately. No I haven’t confessed to you, but we’ve definitely gotten closer. To the point where we hang out after school or even on the weekends, just the two of us. Sometimes (a lot of times), you’ll even ask to join me on my walks and it’s nice to have company on them. Or should I say your company. Aside from that, something a little strange happened this morning. Someone from the basketball team asked me out. I told him I’d think about it. 

Even as you grow older, there’s something about Fridays that never loses its appeal. This particular Friday greeted you with a sense of optimism and well-being. The sun was shining and the sky was clear, almost like it was a sign of good things to come. You got to school earlier than usual, none of your friends are there yet, except for Kai because he's on the basketball team and they had practice before school began. 

"Hey," Kai said with a smile as he approached you. 

"You're here early today."

"Yeah, I woke up earlier than usual," you replied, returning his smile.

Kai leaned against the lockers beside you, his gaze fixated on the empty hallway.

"Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something."

Curiosity piqued, you turned to face him fully.

"Sure, what's up?" 

Kai took a deep breath and his eyes darted around the hallway, almost as if he was hesitant to say anything. 

"You know, Taeyang right? Our point guard?"

"Yeah, I know him," you replied, wondering where this conversation was headed.

Kai continued, his voice slightly hesitant.

"Well, he asked me to talk to you on his behalf. Since you and I are good friends and all. He... um... well, he wanted to ask you out."

You blinked, taken aback by the unexpected proposition. Taeyang was popular and well-liked, but you never considered dating him. You let out a nervous laugh, trying to process the sudden turn of events. 

"Wait, seriously? Taeyang wants to ask me out?"

Kai nodded, a sympathetic smile on his face.

"Yeah, he's been talking about you lately."

"Wow, that's... unexpected," you spoke honestly, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. 

"Well, what did you tell him?" you asked Kai, your heart pounding with a mix of nerves and what felt like excitement.

Kai sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I told him I'd talk to you about it. And honestly, I think you should consider it."

Kai wasn't exactly sure why he was telling you to consider it. He knew about Beomgyu's feelings towards you and even helped orchestrate the setup on Valentine's Day. 

As you listened to Kai's words, a swirl of emotions filled your chest. On one hand, the idea of going out with Taeyang intrigued you. He was popular, charismatic, and undeniably attractive. Anyone would agree to go out with him in a heartbeat. But, your mind also couldn't help but drift to Beomgyu. You thought about how gentle, kind-hearted and attentive Beomgyu was. You liked Beomgyu, really liked him, but Kai didn't know that. You only told Taehyun, and Yeonjun somehow picked up on your feelings too. Taeyang may be popular and attractive, but he didn't evoke the same warmth and comfort and thrill as Beomgyu did.

Taking a deep breath, you looked at Kai, determination flickering in your eyes.

"Thank you for telling me, Kai. I appreciate it."

Kai's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Wait, you decided already?"

You nodded, your voice filled with certainty.

"Yeah, I have. I don't see myself going out with Taeyang. He's probably a great guy, but there's someone else I've been thinking about."

Kai's eyes widened in surprise and he couldn't help but ask to confirm his suspicions.

"Do you mean... Beomgyu?" 

A blush crept up your cheeks, confirming Kai's suspicion.

"Yeah, Beomgyu. I really like him. I have for a long time, but only came to terms with it when we got to high school."

A knowing smile tugged at the corners of Kai's lips as he leaned closer to you.

"I had a feeling," he whispered, his voice barely audible. 

You looked at Kai, relief and nervousness flooding your heart.

"You knew?"

Kai chuckled softly, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Let's just say I'm good at reading people. And it became more obvious with the way you were acting on his birthday last year."

You couldn't help but blush at Kai's observation, remembering how nervous you had felt that day. It seemed that everyone had picked up on your feelings for Beomgyu except for Beomgyu himself. And maybe Soobin.

"Yeah, I tried my best to hide it," you admitted with a sheepish smile.

"But I guess I haven't been doing a very good job."

Kai shrugged and nudged you playfully.

"To be fair, it's hard to hide with the way your eyes light up whenever he's around."

You laughed softly, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders as you openly discussed your feelings for Beomgyu with Kai.

"So what are you going to do now?" Kai asked, his eyes filled with genuine curiosity.

"I think I'll wait and see if Taeyang talks to me himself. Cause I find it a little hard to believe that a guy like that would have someone else ask someone out for him," you said, your voice laced with a hint of skepticism. 

"If he's interested, he can approach me directly. But as for Beomgyu, I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell him." 

Kai nodded understandingly, his gaze sympathetic. He knew Beomgyu liked you, but he swore not to say anything. 

Kai let out a soft sigh and reached out to give your hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I understand your hesitation. It's not easy to confess our feelings, especially when we fear the possibility of rejection. But sometimes, taking a chance is worth it."

You looked at Kai, his words resonating deep within your heart.

Taking a chance... Was it really worth it?

The fear of rejection loomed over you like a dark cloud, casting doubt upon your every thought. You shook your head, pushing all the negative thoughts away, and the sight of more students entering the hallway caught your attention.

Among the students making their way through the bustling hallway, you caught a glimpse of Beomgyu. He was talking and laughing with Soobin and Yeonjun. Your heart felt warm, and you couldn't help but smile at the sight of him. Kai followed your gaze and noticed Beomgyu too. His eyes twinkled mischievously as he leaned in closer to you. 

"You know," he said, his voice low and conspiratorial, "there's no harm in taking matters into your own hands."

You looked at Kai, intrigued by his suggestion.

"What do you mean?"

Kai grinned, a playful glint in his eyes.

"Well, if you're hesitant about confessing directly, why not drop some subtle hints? See if Beomgyu picks up on them."

The idea both excited and terrified you.

"I-I'll consider that," you murmured. 

The day progressed as usual, but you made the choice to sit outside during your lunch period. You found a quiet spot under a tree, the gentle rustling of leaves providing a soothing backdrop as you mulled over Kai's suggestion. The sun bathed you in its warm rays, and you took a deep breath, pulling out your little black notebook. Flipping through the pages, you came across several doodles and snippets of poetry and letters that you had written over the years. Lost in your thoughts, you absentmindedly traced the words you had written about Beomgyu.

Unaware of the passing time, a shadow fell over your notebook. Startled, you looked up to find Taeyang standing before you. He had a small smile on his face, his eyes reflecting curiosity and something else you couldn't quite place.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked, gesturing to the empty space next to you.

You blinked, momentarily taken aback by Taeyang's unexpected presence. 

"Uh, sure," you stammered, quickly moving your backpack aside to make room for him.

Taeyang settled down beside you, his gaze lingering on your notebook for a brief moment before focusing on you. You quickly closed the notebook and put it back into your bag. Nervously, you fidgeted with the strap, unsure of what to say. You were the first to break the awkward (at least for you) silence when you mentioned that you and Kai had talked this morning. He leaned back against the tree and let out a small laugh. 

"I didn't think he'd talk to you for me," Taeyang admitted.

"I also wanted to talk to you myself."

You looked at him, surprised by his straightforward honesty.

"Really?"

Taeyang nodded, his eyes searching yours.

"Yeah. I wanted to see if you'd be interested in going out on a date with me."

Your heart started beating faster, caught off guard by Taeyang's straightforwardness. 

"Is it okay if I think about it?" you asked, trying to steady your racing thoughts.

Taeyang's smile faltered for a moment, his eyes filled with a hint of disappointment, but he quickly regained his composure.

"Of course, take your time," he replied, his voice gentle and understanding.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm interested in getting to know you better."

You nodded, grateful for his patience.

"Thank you, Taeyang. I appreciate your honesty."

Afterwards, you collected your belongings and went in search of your friends, joining them for the remainder of lunch. You found them sitting at a table that was not too distant from the tree where you had just been sitting.

"So, what did Taeyang want?" Soobin asked, nudging your shoulder playfully as you sat down in the open space next to him.

You blushed, feeling a rush of nerves as all eyes turned toward you.

"Um, well... he asked me out on a date," you admitted shyly. 

You noticed the way they all looked to Boemgyu before erupting into a chorus of excited exclamations, their enthusiasm coming off a little forced. Soobin clapped you on the back, causing you to nearly spill your water.

"That's amazing!" he exclaimed, his eyes wide with delight.

"Finally, someone recognizes how incredible you are!"

Blushing even more, you laughed at Soobin's exaggerated reaction.

"Thanks, Soobin. You guys are too much."

Yeonjun smirked and leaned in closer, his voice dripping with playful teasing.

"Well, I guess now we have to give you some dating advice. Remember, confidence is key."

Rolling your eyes, you playfully nudged Yeonjun back.

"Oh please, like you're an expert in dating."

Yeonjun feigned offense, clutching his heart dramatically. 

"Hey, I'll have you know that I'm a smooth operator when it comes to matters of the heart."

"Before any dating advice, you guys should know that I didn't say yes. I told Taeyang I'd think about it," you explained, trying to temper their excitement.

"But why would you need to think about it?" Kai chimed in, a mischievous glint in his eyes as if he didn't remember anything you told him just this morning. 

"Taeyang's a great guy and he likes you. What's there to think about?"

You sighed, realizing that your friends weren't going to let you off the hook easily.

"It's just... complicated," you murmured, avoiding their intense gazes.

You looked up from your fidgeting hands to see Beomgyu looking at you. His expression was unreadable, a mix of concern and something deeper that you couldn't quite place. It made your heart ache a little, the way he had been uncharacteristically quiet throughout the conversation. 

"I think you should go for it," Beomgyu spoke softly.

The chatter from everyone else suddenly stopped and they all turned to him looking either confused, shocked or both. You looked at Beomgyu surprised, your heart sinking at his words. You felt a pang of disappointment at Beomgyu's response. His words weighed heavily on your heart, stirring up a whirlwind of emotions that you struggled to make sense of. It felt like a knife twisting in your chest as you realized that Beomgyu, the person you had secretly (not so secretly) harbored feelings for, was encouraging you to pursue someone else.

With a forced smile, you tried to brush off the sudden heaviness in the air. 

"Thanks, Beomgyu. I appreciate your input," you said, your voice wavering ever so slightly.

The rest of your friends exchanged glances, sensing the tension that had seeped into the atmosphere. Soobin, always the peacemaker, cleared his throat and tried to lighten the mood. 

"So, who's up for some ice cream after school?" Soobin suggested with a grin, hoping to distract everyone from the brewing awkwardness.

The suggestion seemed to work, as the tension in the air eased and your friends nodded eagerly, already planning which flavors they would get. You silently thanked Soobin for his quick thinking, grateful for his ability to diffuse any situation. Despite the lighthearted conversation that followed, the weight of Beomgyu's words still lingered in your mind. The bell rang shortly after, and even though you had your next class with Kai, you walked quickly to the classroom by yourself, needing some time alone to process what just happened.

May 18th, 2018

It’s the end of the school day and even though you didn’t say much, your words were all I could think about. You wanted me to date someone else… That has to mean that you don’t like me any more than a friend. I guess I’ll have to just deal with that-

Beomgyu closed the little black notebook.

He should've done so when he realized the notebook belonged to you, which was when he read the very first entry. He shouldn't have read any of your personal thoughts and feelings, but he couldn't help himself. He found it on a desk while looking for you after the final bell had rung. Thinking it was his own notebook, since he had the class earlier in the day and hasn’t been able to find his, he picked it up and sought out a blank page to write on, needing an outlet for the complicated feelings that surfaced at lunch today. 

Beomgyu hesitated for a moment, contemplating whether he should confess his accidental discovery or simply leave the notebook on the desk without mentioning it. He was certain though that he had to be completely truthful with you about his feelings now. He didn't want you to go out with Taeyang, but he knew you might not believe him after the way he had encouraged you before.

He was in a state of panic, desperately trying to figure out how to make you understand his feelings without actually saying it, because he can't seem to say the right words around you. Rummaging through his bag, he pulled out his identical little black notebook, finding it at the very bottom, and put it on the desk where he found yours. He looked back at the book and let out a deep sigh before leaving the classroom. 

Now he just had to wait.

When the last bell rang, you tried to get yourself out of the school building as quickly as you could, not bothering to stop by your locker. You were lost in your own thoughts, still replaying the conversation from earlier. The hallway was bustling with students, but everything around you seemed to blur into background noise. You continued walking, as if you were on autopilot, until your legs began to ache and you stopped. As you survey your surroundings, you realize that you somehow ended up at the park where you and Beomgyu spent Valentine's Day. The memories flood back and tears begin to well up in your eyes.

Why were you crying?

You didn't tell him how you felt, yet it still felt like you got rejected. 

You take a seat on the nearest bench, resting your bag on your lap and frantically search for your little black notebook. It holds all of your thoughts about Beomgyu, but also serves as your diary, which you desperately need at the moment. Panic began to take hold as you hurriedly emptied your bag.

It wasn't there.

Your little black notebook was missing from your bag.

How could you have lost it?

The notebook held not only your innermost thoughts about Beomgyu but also all of your secrets and fears. Your mind races with possibilities. Did you drop it somewhere? Did someone take it? The thought of someone reading your most intimate thoughts and feelings made you feel sick to your stomach.

You feel a lump forming in your throat as tears threaten to spill from your eyes. The weight of the situation, combined with the emotional turmoil of the day, became overwhelming. Taking a deep breath, you put everything back into your bag and went back to school. The first place you checked was the lost and found in the main office, asking the teacher behind the desk if anyone turned it in. You heard the teacher rummage through a box of forgotten belongings, emerging with a solemn expression, "I'm sorry, no one turned in a notebook." 

Your shoulders dropped slightly and you thanked her before quickly making your way to the classroom where your eighth period class was located. Walking into the classroom, your eyes anxiously scanned around the room, and you almost cried again upon seeing the little black notebook sitting on your desk. Relief washed over you as you hurriedly snatched up the notebook, clutching it to your chest.

It was still here, safe and sound.

But then, a flicker of doubt crept into your mind - had someone read it? Or did they just pick it up and put it on your desk for you? You shake your head in disbelief as you put the notebook back into your bag and begin your walk home. Your phone had been going off since the last bell rang, but you didn't bother to check it, already knowing that they were messages from your friends who had made plans to get ice cream after school. You'd talk to them tomorrow, you needed time to yourself. 

Walking home, you couldn't help but feel a whirlwind of emotions. The sun had begun to set, casting a warm orange glow across the sidewalk. The familiar sights and sounds of your neighborhood seemed distant as your mind continued to replay everything that happened today. The events of the day had left you feeling vulnerable and exposed, and you once again thought about someone potentially reading your innermost thoughts. You arrived at your front door, feeling a mix of exhaustion and anxiety. Taking a deep breath, you inserted the key and opened the door, stepping into the comforting familiarity of your home. The silence enveloped you like a soft blanket, soothing the inner chaos that had plagued you most of the day. 

You made your way to your room and immediately collapsed onto your bed, grateful for the privacy it offered. The weight of the day's events pressed down on you, making it hard to breathe. Retrieving your small black notebook and favorite pen from your bag, you sit up to record today's entry in your diary. As you flipped through the notebook, searching for a blank page, you came across handwriting that was both unfamiliar yet strangely familiar at the same time, causing your heart to stop.

This wasn't your book. 

You furrowed your brow, confusion and curiosity intertwining in your mind.

How did this notebook end up on your desk?

You cautiously flipped through the pages, your eyes scanning the words before you. It was filled with beautiful prose and heartfelt musings, but they were not your own. Each word felt like a glimpse into someone else's soul. As you continued to read, your own name caught your attention. It was written delicately, in most of the entries, as if it was a whisper on the page. Your heart pounded in your chest as you read the words that followed. The way this person described you, your quirks, your smile, and the way your eyes sparkled when you laughed. It was an ode to your existence, penned by an unknown admirer. You couldn't believe what you were reading.

This notebook was one that matched the contents in yours, except it was about you.

Overwhelmed by the emotions flooding through you, you sat in stunned silence. The realization that someone had been writing about you with such depth and appreciation, the way you wrote about Beomgyu, left you feeling a mix of emotions.

You continued reading, even though you knew you shouldn't, a sense of longing and familiarity washed over you. The way this person described your interactions, the shared moments and inside jokes, it all resonated deeply within your soul. Oddly enough, reading this notebook felt like flipping through the pages of your own diary.  The realization caused goosebumps to form, trailing down your arms.

This was Beomgyu's notebook. 

With trembling hands, you slowly closed the notebook and carefully reached over to retrieve your bag.

As you were trying to put it away, a photograph slipped out from between the pages. You immediately recognized the photo as one taken last week. Beomgyu had joined you for an evening walk and brought his polaroid camera along.

As you strolled along the Han River, a kind stranger offered to take a picture of the two of you together. The stranger had taken a few, but this one in particular was beautiful. It captured the essence of that moment perfectly, the way Beomgyu's laughter lit up his face and the way your eyes sparkled with genuine happiness. Neither of you were purposely posing for the picture, but that's what made it feel authentic.

You held the photo delicately in your hands, studying the smiles on both your faces. It was evident how happy you were together, and yet, you couldn't help but wonder why Beomgyu had kept this notebook a secret from you. Probably for the exact same reason you kept yours a secret from him. Closing your eyes, you tried to process the new whirlwind of emotions that engulfed you. The discovery of Beomgyu's hidden admiration for you felt like stumbling upon a forbidden treasure. A myriad of questions swirled around in your mind and it felt overwhelming.

Amidst all the questions and overwhelming emotions, one thing was undeniable: you liked Beomgyu and he liked you too.

Sitting on the edge of your bed, you've been staring at the closed notebook in your lap for what feels like hours. The buzzing of your phone drew your attention away from the emotional whirlwind that started during lunch. With a heavy sigh, you grabbed your phone and saw that it was flooded with notifications from your friends. They ranged from asking you what ice cream flavor you wanted to the everlasting debate on mint-chocolate. The most recent message was from Taehyun, expressing his concern for you and letting you know where they were in case you decided to join them. As you scrolled through the notifications, you noticed that none of them were from Beomgyu. 

Your heart sank a little at the realization that Beomgyu hadn't reached out to you. It had been hours since you had discovered his notebook, and the weight of the unanswered questions was becoming unbearable. Why hadn't he said anything? Was he waiting for you to say something? Taking a deep breath, you decided that enough was enough. You couldn't keep dwelling on these uncertainties and waiting for Beomgyu to make the first move. If you wanted answers, you had to be brave enough to seek them out yourself. 

When you glanced at the clock, you saw that it was the time you typically go for your evening stroll. You grabbed his notebook and slipped it into a canvas bag, carefully stepping outside. The evening air was crisp, carrying with it the scent of blooming flowers and a sense of anticipation. The streets were bathed in the warm glow of streetlights, casting long shadows on the pavement as you walked. You arrived at the location Taehyun had sent you, and through the window of the ice cream parlor, you saw them sitting at a table in the far corner.

Your friends looked up in surprise as you entered the ice cream parlor, a mix of concern and curiosity evident on their faces. Taehyun, ever perceptive, noticed the canvas bag slung over your shoulder and the determined look in your eyes.

"You made it!" he exclaimed, his voice filled with relief. 

"We were worried about you."

Taking a seat, you responded with a small smile, though your mind was still preoccupied with thoughts of Beomgyu. Your eyes searched the crowded parlor, hoping to catch a glimpse of him somewhere amidst the sea of faces. But he was nowhere to be found. 

Lost in your thoughts, you barely noticed when Yeonjun nudged your arm gently. 

"Hey, are you alright?" he asked, concern etched into his features.

You blinked, pulling yourself back to the present moment.

 "I'm... I'm fine," you replied, your voice betraying a hint of uncertainty.

"Um, where's Beomgyu?" you asked, mentally facepalming at your voice faltering slightly.

Yeonjun exchanged a glance with Taehyun before answering, his voice laced with sympathy.

 "He... he left a little while ago."

Trying to hide your disappointment, you mustered a smile and nodded, pretending that it didn't bother you as much as it did. 

"Oh, I see," you replied softly. 

"Did he say where he was going?"

Taehyun cleared his throat, exchanging another glance with Yeonjun before answering. 

"No, he didn't mention anything. He just said he had something important to take care of and left in a hurry."

Something important?

Your mind raced with possibilities, then your eyes widened in realization.

"Wait, what time did he leave?" you asked, a sense of urgency creeping into your voice.

 Soobin checked his watch and furrowed his brows. 

"I think it was around thirty minutes ago," he replied, his eyes filled with concern. 

"Is everything okay?"

You stood up abruptly, the canvas bag slipping off your shoulder and hitting the table with a soft thud.

"I need to go," you announced. 

Without waiting for a response, you hastily picked up the canvas bag and rushed out of the ice cream parlor. This morning, Beomgyu had asked to accompany you on your evening walk, and you had agreed to meet at the park.

That park. 

Heart pounding, you picked up your pace as you made your way towards the park. It was a familiar route, one that you had walked countless times together with him. The anticipation in your chest was overwhelming, and all you could hope was that he was there. 

As you entered the park, you scanned the area, searching for any sign of him. Your eyes fell upon a figure sitting on a bench near the pond and relief washed over you as you recognized the familiar silhouette. Beomgyu was there, his head bowed down, engrossed in deep thoughts. You approached him cautiously, not wanting to startle him.

"Beomgyu," you called out softly, your voice carrying both unease and longing.

Beomgyu looked up, surprise flickering in his eyes as he met your gaze. His expression quickly transformed into one of relief, and he stood up, a mix of emotions crossing his face.

"I didn't think you'd come," he said, his voice soft. 

"I had to," you replied, your own voice trembling slightly. 

You pulled his little black notebook out of your bag and clutched it tightly. 

"I found this," you started, holding out the notebook towards him, "when I went back to school to look for mine."

Beomgyu reached out and took the notebook from your hands, his fingers brushing against yours for a brief moment. His fingers traced the worn edges, the pages filled with his words and thoughts. He looked up at you, his eyes shimmering with unspoken emotions.

"I was hoping you would. I left it there on purpose," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I wanted you to find it, to know how I felt." 

"Then... then that means-" before you could continue, he pulled your notebook out of his bag and nodded.

Yeah," Beomgyu interrupted, a small smile gracing his lips.

"I found yours." 

As you reached out to take your notebook from Beomgyu's hands, your fingers brushed against each other again, and a tingling sensation coursed through your veins.

"Did you-" you started to ask, but then stopped yourself.

The answer was already clear. If he didn't read your book, he wouldn't have left his for you to find. The unspoken understanding between you and Beomgyu hung in the air, as if time had frozen in that moment. Without a word, Beomgyu stood up and took a step closer to you. The air crackled with anticipation as he reached out, his hand gently reaching out to hold yours. His touch was tender, a tenderness that spoke volumes. 

"I've been wanting to tell you for so long," he whispered, his voice barely audible. 

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, and you found yourself unable to form a coherent response. You took a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart.

"I've wanted to tell you too," you finally managed to say. 

Beomgyu's eyes searched yours, his thumb gently caressing the back of your hand as he leaned closer. 

"Do you remember that party? The one we kissed at?" he asked softly, his voice filled with nostalgia and vulnerability. 

"How could I forget?" you replied softly, your gaze locked with his.

"That was my very first kiss."

"When you told me you'd like the real me, that's when I knew. Since then, it's always been you " he confessed, his voice barely a whisper. 

"You've liked me for that long? But then-" you cut yourself off, realizing it wasn't the appropriate moment to bring it up.

Beomgyu smiled as if he knew what you were going to ask, "all the other boys liked her, so I followed the crowd. Stupid, I know." 

"I've felt the same way," you confessed, your voice barely above a whisper. 

"I've always seen you, Beomgyu. I've always loved you. It just took me a long time to realize and then accept it." 

Beomgyu's eyes softened, relief and adoration shining in them. 

"I'm sorry it took me so long," you murmured.

"Don't apologize," Beomgyu whispered, his voice filled with delicacy. 

A gentle breeze rustled the leaves around you, as if nature itself was acknowledging the significance of this moment.

Beomgyu leaned in closer, his lips just inches away from yours. 

"Can I ask something else?" he whispered, his breath warm against your skin. 

You nodded, anticipation coursing through your veins.

"I didn't get to kiss you that second time, can I make up for it now?" 

The question hung in the air as you looked into Beomgyu's eyes and felt your heart race. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips, and you nodded, giving him permission to make up for that missed opportunity.

Beomgyu's eyes lit up with delight and nervousness as he closed the remaining distance between you. His lips met yours in a gentle, sweet kiss. Time seemed to stand still as you melted into each other, the world around you fading away. It was a moment of pure bliss, a culmination of emotions and desires that had been building up for far too long. The kiss was everything, full of promises and possibilities. His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him, while yours found their way around his neck, tangling in his soft hair. 

And then, as if the universe had conspired with your group of friends, the sound of clapping and cheers caused you to pull away. You glanced over Beomgyu's shoulder and saw your friends standing there, huge smiles on their faces, applauding the two of you.

Taehyun and Yeonjun were grinning like they had just won the lottery, and Soobin and Kai pretending they had tears welling up in their eyes, wiping them away. You couldn't help but laugh at the sight. Beomgyu turned to look at your friends, his cheeks flushed from the kiss. 

"Guess we've been caught," he mumbled and pulled you closer.

Your friends approached, still clapping and cheering, their laughter echoing through the park.

Taehyun gave you a playful wink while Yeonjun threw an arm around Soobin's shoulders, teasing him about his "emotional" display.

Kai, always the romantic, applauded the loudest and shouted, "Finally! Took you both long enough!"

You blushed looking everywhere but your friends , feeling a mixture of embarrassment and joy. Beomgyu squeezed your hand reassuringly, a silent reminder that this was real, that it was happening.

As the laughter subsided, Yeonjun cleared his throat and glanced at the others mischievously. 

"Well, I think it's time for us to give these two some privacy," he said with a sly grin, playfully nudging Beomgyu. 

Beomgyu chuckled, a hint of pink dusting his cheeks.

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea," he replied, his gaze never leaving yours. 

Your friends exchanged knowing glances before making their way towards the park's exit, leaving the two of you alone. The park was now quiet, the only sounds being the soft rustling of leaves. The tranquility of the moment wrapped around you like a comforting embrace, allowing you to fully soak in the reality of what had just transpired.

Beomgyu took a step closer, his eyes never leaving yours. The intensity of his gaze made your heart skip a beat, and you felt a wave of vulnerability wash over you. This was uncharted territory, a new beginning for both of you. 

"What now?" you asked.

Beomgyu reached out, his hand trembling slightly, and gently brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. His touch sends shivers down your spine, igniting a spark deep within your soul. It was a gesture so simple yet so intimate, conveying a depth of emotion that words could never capture.

"Well first," Beomgyu whispered softly, "I think I should ask you properly."

"Ask me what?" you replied, your voice barely a whisper, afraid to break the delicate spell that had woven itself around the two of you. 

Beomgyu took a deep breath and looked into your eyes, his gaze unwavering.

His voice quivered slightly, “Can I be your boyfriend? Will you let me love you and cherish you, like you deserve?" 

The vulnerability and sincerity in his voice made your heart swell with love for him.

You reached out to cup his face gently, your fingertips grazing his cheek.

"Yes," you whispered, "as long as you'll let me love you the same."

He pulled you into a tight embrace, holding you as if he never wanted to let go. The weight of his feelings enveloped you, filling every corner of your being with warmth and contentment. You pressed your cheek against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. 

"Just so you know," you murmured, "I still plan on writing you love letters like in the book."

"Will you send them to me this time?" he asked, a playful glint in his eyes.

"Of course," you replied, a giggle escaping your lips. 

"I'll send them straight to your heart."

a/n: thank you for reading, I really hoped you enjoyed it as much as I did while writing it! I've been working on this story since October of last year and it's crazy how the idea stemmed from a little joke I made. As always, reblogs and comments are appreciated and thank you again for reading!

Beomgyu Masterlist

Main Masterlist

[herejusttosufferalong]

I've started and deleted this sentence several times now and don't really know how to begin. So let's just go for it and say seriously WHAT THE FUCK has been the last 6 months!? My mind is a clusterfuck rn. I love L and N but they are seriously debilitating. Like I've been see-sawing between casual nonchalance about everything saying "haha this is great ride, what's next in store?" to just confused exasperation and emotional fatigue. I don't even know these people, and yet I am so fucking invested. This has never happened to me. They are like a drug. Seriously, whatever they are selling, I will buy 10 of everything, pump it into my veins. Why is my kink now seeing them get married, have kids and L be a stay-at-home daddy while N rules the fucking world?! N, alone, has me questioning my sexuality. Then I remember L is there, and I go oh yeah him too. Them is my sexuality. It's so messy. Anyway, now to the point of this. I had some flashbacks while watching L's Loewe Vogue video today. Watching his groomer give him a lovely face and head massage instantly transported me to Ireland with the infamous forehead stroke. Honestly, imo, the biggest turning point of the whole tour. So much happened before this time, but I really do think this moment was critical. I will outline why.

Obviously, Ireland was a massive deal for N. The excitement of getting back home and meeting family and friends, the amazing reception, it was special. She talked ad nauseam about her mum meeting L and honestly all I could think was when has anyone been excited/nervous about their parents meeting just a friend? You feel that certain way because you're wanting approval, you're wanting them to feel the same way you do about that person and welcome them into the family, as it were. I've never felt that way with friends, but I had done with my boyfriend (now husband). But maybe that's just me? L didn't seem as caught up in it, like almost trying to downplay a lot of her ott excitement. I also noticed that they were less touchy feely overall compared to earlier on in the trip, which was so unhinged honestly, I didn't know what to do with myself. But then came the moment. I don't think enough people have broken this moment down. So the interviewer asks the question, that's been asked oh so many times, "was it easier or harder to do the intimacy scenes with a friend?" And N looks at L and thinks to herself, he has a hair out of place on his forehead, I'm going to reach out and stroke his forehead right in the middle of this god damn interview. Not once, but a few times, like her little hand was built to stroke that man's face. Now, tbf, she does ask permission but also tbf her hand is already at his face before he can answer a whispered, guttural, "mhmm". He leans in, we loose L for a bit there, then he comes back saying "ok" like you probably got that hair now, think we should stop now. And her going into 'mother' mode telling him to turn his head, good boy. And his little worried face when it's over. And them talking about how N just can't stop picking hairs off people on set. Mmm ok. If they were in Regency outfits, I would be expecting a mirror scene next up. But you might say to me, well shit like this has happened countless times, it's just another thing. Well, I say no, this time was different. They both knew they had crossed a line, publicly, her initiation, his reaction. Because they were strange as hell at the London premiere. He avoided her gaze. She visibly stopped herself from touching him. One occasion, I saw her reach out to his arm or back, and she looked behind him (I think where their teams were?), and immediately pulled her arm back. The first moment she was asked about people shipping Lukola she had a pre-prepared speech ready to go to explain the head stroke. It was forced. A lot of what she said seemed so rehearsed, and although, I'm certain N does think a lot about what she is going to say in interviews, usually she is very natural about it and let's it flow. That lady was stressed and making a point that L is just a 'bud'. The lady doth protest to much, methinks. She's seen everything we've typed about her and L's behaviour during the tour, so why start over-explaining and defending behaviour now? She was STRESSED. That was the overt, obvious, stop yourself type of behaviour, and yet we still saw SOME of that unconscious stuff seep through, like him searching for her hand, her looking up at him like a God, her stroking his thumb with hers while holding hands (seriously, why was that SO intimate to me?). Point being, you can't fake that stuff, the repression and release. The unconscious behaviour. They knew something was rumbling. Or at least, N did. My opinion is that they have not acted on those rumblings, because if they had, it would be OVER. Electric. Power surge. Goodnight. Pack your bags and goodbye. We might not even exist anymore, tbh. But I shall wait over here and keep eating all the crumbs I can get. (I am sooo sorry about the length of whatever this is, thank you much the same, it was so nice to vent).

OKay but like I kinda fuckin love you anon...

I had the biggest smile on my face reading this.

There is so much to unpack here. We will have to chat sometime.

LOVE x

[taegimood]

epic need for your own thoughts on craveverse.. assign some kinks to the boys hehee

OMG WAIT WAIT RAHHHHHHHHHHHH i’m scared to get their characters wrong cuz they’re yours but i’ll try omg this is exciting wait

(edit: i accidentally added some plot in there lmao sorry also this is LONGG and these kinks aren’t anything taboo [for us at least 💀] but hopefully it’s still interesting~)

yeonjun: okay, do we need to say it? breeding kink. wants you to belong to him forever. wants your tummy full of the evidence that he was there. exhibitionism, he wants everyone to know you’re his and how good he can fuck the daylights out of you; he shamelessly fucks you around the others all the time, possessive as all hell, since he makes you share the living room together. also kisses you constantly, possessively, tongue in your mouth if he gets so much as an inkling that another member has their eyes on you when it’s yeonjun’s turn to keep you to himself, maintaining eye contact with said member as he kisses you until the younger backs down submissively. idk if there’s a name for this (is it the same as dumbification?) but loves it when you get into subspace.. loves knowing he fucked you completely dumb and has all the power over you. he loves spit.. always spitting in your mouth, spitting on your pussy before he rails it, spitting on his cock as he shoves it down your throat. loves it when you suck on his fingers and whine for him too <3 anything that shows you’re even remotely enjoying it, he’s all over that shit.. it helps aid how toxicly and utterly convinced he is that you belong together, forever. some could even argue that out of all of them, yeonjun might just have the most screws loose — you’d just never know it until you wake up one day and then suddenly you do.

soobin: SOOBIN… soobin is a closeted freak… if yeonjun saw half the things that went on in his submissive little member’s head, he’d be outraged lmao. although soobin doesn’t fuck you as often as some of the others do, he wants you just as much - he just doesn’t show it. has this fantasy of marking you, and covering your entire body too; he just wants to bite and nibble you everywhere and is always trying to scent you in small ways just subtle enough that yeonjun won’t notice and be set off. in his mind he’s making you his in his own tiny little ways. soobin is more possessive than you’d think (flashback to what i sent you about him shoving beomgyu to the floor) and as sweet as he is, he‘s also got a guilty pervertedness to him when you come crying to his bedside asking to be held… that’s right, I’M the one she needs. he also has a cockwarming kink for sure. will pump his cock into you nice and steady before keeping you there <3 whispers in your ear how your pussy was made just for him, but don’t tell yeonjun~ and of course i will forever be on the sticky cum soobin agenda - he has a fat creampie kink that he shamelessly exhibits every time he fucks you, will literally overstimulate himself just so he can keep fucking more and more and more of his thick cum into your little hole~ but he’s also just a sweetie and will kiss you all the time during sex too, taking full advantage of the moments when he can finally let his affection loose as opposed to his usual awkward demeanor when it comes to things like kissing outside of sex. leaves your lips swollen and wet from all the sucking and nibbling hehe

beomgyu: dacryphilia. wants to see you sob. also a breeding kink tbh for the pure sake of OWNING you, not about the actual outcome of pups.. like yeonjun, he loves when you get into subspace, but unlike yeonjun, there’s no affection there. it’s just the pure ego boost of knowing he can mold you into his own little cocksleeve. he has this secret cuckolding-esque fantasy of fucking your brains out while all the other boys sit and watch, while only he’s able to touch you.. sigh, if only yeonjun would let him. obviously has a degradation kink, he’s projecting onto you all the shit that he was constantly belittled with by his past female alpha </3 he’s so toxic lmao but — this may be controversial — deep deep DEEP deep DEEEEEP down…… there’s a part of him that really just wants to be seen. wants to be held. wants to be someone for somebody. it’s just so buried beneath all the rage and hurt and spite that you’ll never know it; and HE’LL never know it either tbh, so blinded by himself and his hatred. (the closest thing you get is when he pretends to be asleep so you can card your fingers through his hair and then grumbles about it later <3)

taehyun: sir kink? 🫣 ohhhhhhh….. taehyun. mr difficult to decipher. you’re convinced he hates you and he actually does except — he kind of doesn’t. as mean as beomgyu is, taehyun is nasty. sometimes it seems like he’s fucking you more out of anger and spite than out of the desire to get off. but he’ll be damned if he ever admits to you or anyone else how hard he actually gets when you clutch onto him desperately, the force of his thrusts shoving you up the bed, leaving your hands flying to grip onto the nearest stable thing, always choosing his firm and solid figure. he wants you to need him. he has a power kink, but not like some of the other boys.. he’s the most level-headed of the group, with an innate need to protect, that goes beyond basic possessiveness. so his size and strength kinks come into play when he can manhandle you any which way, even holding you right up in the air, practically folded in half as he fucks you stupid. he likes the fact that you can’t even overpower him if you tried. and deep down under the hate, he likes the fact that he can protect you against anything that tries to hurt you. so sometimes when he isn’t making you sob and cry from the nasty spite that oozes out of him as he pummels your pussy, he’s actually — don’t point this out to him or he’ll rip your head off — pretty focused on making you feel good in his own taboo way, just so you know it’s him that makes you feel this way, it’s him with all that power and strength who’s capable of all the worst and all the best that you could get.

kai: oh boy. kai is an anomaly. easily the sweetest member, while also easily the most RABID (not literally 😳) because like you’ve said, he’s still learning how to control his wolf. he has all these big emotions and senses that can stretch so far out of his grasp sometimes, he just can’t get a hold of himself… so when he’s in his rut… you better fucking prepare yourself. he wants all of you, everything he can get, so selfish and needy and ravenous when his cock is pistoning itself in and out of your pussy without restraint, holding your hips down with your ass up and face buried in the sheets, skin red and bruising from the force of his skin slapping against yours from behind; don’t know if this counts as a kink, but he’s constantly flipping you into different positions. it’s like he just can’t get enough. he’s a starved man when it comes to you AND - he’s one of the only members who has a massive pussy eating kink. he’ll overstimulate you into high heaven until you’re clawing at him and begging him to stop with your hips in the air as he eats you out like it’s his best and last meal. but when he’s not in rut, he loves to hold you down in his lap and finger you sweetly, licking and kissing at your neck and shoulders as you keen around his long agile fingers <3 loves his hair being played with but unlike grumpy gyu, he’ll actually admit to it and even ask for it after sex :’)

anyway… crave!txt has me in a death grip that i do not want to escape. all hail mother lia.

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[erinartemis]

OMGOMGOMGKFMSGSKB IM FREAKING OUT IT'S HERE!!! MURDER DRONES EPISODE 7 TEASER!! EEEEEE!!! I went frame by frame and picked out some cool scenes I wanted to scream about, so get ready for a bunch of crazed ramblings and some theories !! (Long post ahead, folks)

Okay first of all- just- the lighting in these shots ✨ simply gorgeous... Also that "poster" thing in the background of the first image is very interesting.. obviously it says HELP (though that looks scrawled-on afterward with probably blood), and it looks like there could be possibly eyes? EDIT: it's not eyes it's two drones standing !!!

Also can we appreciate how creepy cool that hole in the ground is :00

THEIR ROOMS! THE SILLIES' ROOMS!!! WHAT SECRETS DO THEY HOLD?? I hope we find out

EDIT: THEY'RE LOCKERS NOT ROOMS OOPSIES

Good to see we've still got a bit of that classic md humor: "not to be overdramatic but core collapse" xd

N oh no N IS HE OKAY?? what am I talking about ofc he's not (I'm going to cry at this episode)

OKAY NEXT-

This thing. What is this thing. Probably part of the Solver, as it's all organic and eldritch-y, and it has veins. It looks lit from behind, almost like we're looking out from the inside of something? I think it's possible somebody gets dragged into one of those physical manifestations of the Solver, and this could be their perspective from inside it! Oooor we're looking at it from the outside, and there's something glowing inside the mass.

Next up, these guys??? So many possibilities here... They look like humans, but they aren't necessarily so, just like the "Tessa Isn't Human" theory. And from what little you can see in the teaser, they are moving in an odd way- suspicious. I originally thought they could be manifestation of the Solver or something, created to confuse, but after considering it for a bit, I realized it's more likely this scene is a flashback to when the core collapsed.

SOLVERUZISOLVERUZISOLVER- OHHHH BOY SOLVER UZI

Okay. This shot is a bit confusing; can't really make out what's going on- To me, it looks like something is possibly exploding? And the red string things are lasers or something? Also the blobs in the foreground definitely look like Solver hands, but- that's all I've got for this one

Tessa. Tessatessatessa tessa are you pulling a sword on Uzi? oh no, you are, aren't you, ohh no

WHAT DID UZI SEE. ON THAT TV SCREEN. HELP SHE LOOKS SO TRAUMATIZED- Also also wanted to point out the "freaking ninja star" on the ground.. little callback there :,)

the crucifix will be important, oo religious imageryyy eee

DOG.

Small thing, this is clearly the same scene from the GLITCHx 7/8 teaser, but it's the shot from a little bit before the clip in that teaser plays. I wonder how much control Uzi has over herself at this point... These robots are going to so much pain someone help them

norinorinori nori I'M SO READY FOR THE LORE AND FLASHBACKS EEEE

OMGOMGOGMOGMOMG YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HYPED I WAS WHEN I SAW THIS- WE'RE GETTING MURDER N YALL!!! FIRST TIME SINCE THE PILOT EEEE!!! Oh my gosh I just KNOW it's going to be an emotional response to something horrible happening- something to do with Uzi getting fully possessed, or almost dying, or N THINKING she's dead, or just all the stress of EVERYTHING, along with V's (hopefully not actually) death, and it just pushes him to his breaking point OH AND all the repressing he's been doing this whole time WILL NOT BE HELPING WITH THAT !!! I'm SO EXCITED TO FIND OUT AAAA-

Oh it could also be that N gets factory-reset, causing him to actually lose his memories or something, which is AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PILE OF ANGST, but personally I hope/think it'll be closer to the first one... It seems very likely to me that all of the stuff N's been going through (and how he's just been pretending everything's fine) would catch up to him, and it would lead to an "outburst" of everything he's been bottling up. PLUS do y'all remember that merch ad?? I know it was just a promo, but merch stuff has been shown to be kind of relevant to the plot in the past soo... yeah I'm feeling very good about this theory-

Okay so this is the same guy from the earlier image with all the humans- That feels notable, like they're going to be important. And is it just me and my poor video quality or does the Sentinel hand look glitchy?? Could it have turned on the humans like the one that turned on "Tessa" in Cabin Fever??

Oh dear, that's oil (or blood; they whole thing's too red to tell) coming from Uzi's eye... Feeling like the same thing that happened to Doll happens to Uzi... agh the ANGST hdfbsjsb

DOOOOOLL DOLL DOLL !!! SHE'S THERE !! I THINK SHE HAS BUTCHER KNIVES AGAIN !! I wonder who she's fighting... (I mean it could be a sentinel, but it looks like she's talking, so I'm guessing it's one of the group) ee I'm excited to see where Doll's character goes from here !!

ALLLLRIGHTY!! This has been a breakdown of my personal thoughts on the teaser! I am SOOO excited; these next two weeks need to go by FAST but ik they won't- Anyways... thanks for reading ! :D

[shiro-s2e2-erukinzu]

Anime only watchers and people who aren't caught up with the Manga, BEWARE... Cuz I'm about to discuss Spy X Family Mission 104... You have been warned...! 👌

[SPOILERS AHEAD FROM THIS POINT ON]

This chapter was SO MUCH FUN!! 😆 I really liked it...!! 😁👍

I had good time reading Mission 104, so let's talk about it, shall we? 😄

So, when I first opened the chapter and saw Damian...:

...I got really excited!! 😁 I was thinking that maybe Damian was gonna be thinking about the whole "Anya can read minds" thing, but then I quickly realized that we're probably not gonna get into any of that until the kids go back to Eden...! So instead, I started to wonder what kind of shenanigans Damian and his crew might get into, and after seeing that a student got a Stella for discovering some ancient pottery long ago in a book at the library, of course Damian, Ewen and Emile were gonna go for it!!! 😆

Also, Jeeves (who is still very handsome) and the butlers of Ewen and Emile tag along as well on this adventure to most definitely keep an eye on the boys and to make sure that they don't get hurt (like Jeeves hitting a snake with an acorn...!! 👌😎):

DAMN JEEVES, YOU GOT SKILLS!!! 😆

After that encounter with the snake, Damain says that because there are snakes and bugs everywhere in this place, that's why didn't want to go here in the first place...! So, Emile suggests that maybe they should just go home, but Damian refuses because...:

Oh Damian... 😓

After that, Jeeves decides that it's time to take a break to have some food, so him and the other butlers make a delicious meal for the boys before heading back out...!! 😋 Now that they've had some food, it's time resume the expedition, but none of the clues seem to be helping, so Damian tries put himself into the king of antiquity's shoes and...:

DAMIAN LOOKIN' LIKE HE JUST WENT SUPER SAIYAN...!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

But, it didn't last for long because...:

Don't worry Damian, I would also freak out if a spider THAT SIZE landed on me too...!! 👌😌

And though Jeeves knocked the spider off of Damian, he continues to freak out until he falls over and sees THIS:

IT'S AN AWESOME LOOKING GIANT FLOWER...!! 🤩

But... It turns out that this giant flower has already been discovered, and Damian is unamused by this fact because he can't get a Stella for it, so Damian, Emile and Ewen call it a day a head home in their THREE FREAKING SEPARATE HELICOPTERS!!! 😵 (Look, I know these kids are from rich families, but I find it both hilarious and insane that they all didn't just take a single helicopter there...!! 🤣😵 Just sayin'...!! 😌)

While in the helicopter, Jeeves brings up to Damian that it seems that he always doesn't want to go home, and Damian freaks out about it and tells Jeeves that worries about the weirdest stuff...! 😌 Jeeves then offers to call Melinda to cook for Damian again like how she did in the flashback in Mission 76 (though she didn't eat with Damian, which still makes me both sad and mad...!! 😤) Then Jeeves brings up showing Demetrius the picture of the flower they saw today, and what Damian said got me...:

"When DON'T my brother's eyes look like they're bulging out of their sockets?" 😭 WHY WAS DEMETRIUS CURSED TO HAVE HIS FATHER'S EYES!? 😵 THAT POOR BOY...!!! 😩

In all seriousness, that line makes me even more extra worried about what exactly might be going with Demetrius, but besides that Damian warns Jeeves not to say anything weird to his mom, then Jeeves asks like what, and Damian says:

And then, the chapter ends!! 🤭

And that was Mission 104, a nice fun little chapter with Damian and his friends...!! 😆 Though I am a little worried about Jeeves telling Melinda about Damian's dance with Anya, I doubt Damian mentioned to Jeeves about the whole Anya can read minds part because probably still doesn't believe it as of right now...! Well, we'll just have to wait and see what happens when the kids to return Eden Academy...!! 👌😌

Anyway, I think that's pretty much all that I wanted to say on this chapter, so until the next Mission; take care, be safe out there and be kind to one another...!! 😁 (Also, I was trying to finish writing this review a lot sooner, but I was having a really bad headache this morning when I got up to read this week's chapter... 😩 It still hurts a little, but I powered through it...!! 👍) Anyway, LATERS!! 👋😊

[witchywriter18]

Being married and having a child with Sebastian Sallow

Slight hint of MC being a Hufflepuff but I'm a Hufflepuff soooo, deal with it

You and Sebastian got married almost immediately out of Hogwarts.

After you had stood by him during 5th year, he knew you were going to be the only woman for him.

Nah, let's face it. He knew you were perfect once you kicked his ass in DADA, the other stuff just sealed the deal.

Anne actually attended the wedding. While she was still upset about the relic situation, she couldn't miss her own twin's wedding.

Sebastian was very much on the verge of tears when he saw you in your dress.

If you thought he was clingy when you were dating, oh boy. Sebastian is even more clingy and affectionate after you two got married.

After the honeymoon, you both decided to live in Feldcroft.

While yes it held horrible memories for Sebastian, it had some good ones too. And he was ready to make more good memories with you.

For work, I don't think Sebastian would become an Auror. He didn't want to be anything like his uncle. I like the thought of him being a cursebreaker or even an unspeakable.

You on the other hand. Instead of being a housewife, you're either a herbologist or magizoologist. Your reasoning being that you've dealt with enough dark wizards and treasure hunting to last you a lifetime.

After about a year of marriage, you find out that you are with child. Sebastian is literally giddy with excitement.

And now super overprotective Sebby has been activated.

"Oi, put that down! It's too heavy!"

"......Seb, this literally a sheet of paper."

Oh boy, this will be fun....

When he's not at work, he's following you around the house like if he doesn't have eyes on you, you'll get hurt.

You accidentally knicking yourself with the knife while he was using the bathroom didn't help.

"Seb, it's just a small knick. It's nothing-"

"IT'S NOT NOTHING!!! YOU GOT INJURED WHEN I WASN'T HERE!!! *sniff* I'm a horrible husband😢"

Oof, and you thought you had moodswings.

After making sure your SMALL wound was cleaned and bandaged, you're consoling him for a good hour.

He's also getting sympathy pains and cravings.

You have back pain? Now his back aches a bit.

You're craving chocolate on top of bacon? Now he wants a bite.

Once you start showing, he immediately thinks you shouldn't be galivanting around the highlands.

You agree with that since you don't want to take a bad tumble and put your unborn child in danger, as much as it pains you to not being able to rescue beasts.

Ah, there are the mood swings! Yes, now you're crying about how now you won't be able to save a hypothetical Niffler named Opal.

During the months as your stomach swells, you're trying (and failing) to knit little booties and a hat for your child.

Sebastian is quite good with his hands (in more ways then one 😏) so he's making the baby's crib by hand.

When you guys are in bed getting ready to sleep, Sebastian has his hands on your belly. He gets so excited when the baby kicks.

Sometimes when the baby is too restless and won't let you sleep with all the kicking, Sebastian's hand gently rubs it, trying to sooth them.

"Alright little one, I know you're excited to explore the world outside your mother's womb but you need to let her sleep. So stop moving about and sleep you little troublemaker."

He also like kissing your belly just cuz he can.

During your final month, he gets time off so that when the time comes, he's ready to wisk you off to the hospital.

So, the time comes. Sebastian is anything but calm.

"WHERE'S MY WAND?! I CAN'T FIND MY WAND TO APPARATE US TO THE HOSPITAL!!!"

"It's in your hand darling. Now take me to the hospital before I pop this child out on our kitchen floor."

Unfortunately, back in those days, father's weren't allowed in the delivery room. So all he can do is pace outside, panicking whenever you let out a scream of pain.

My poor boy is literally having flashbacks to when he had to use the Cruciatis Curse on you.

Your friends show up to give the poor man support, and to see the baby. Or hear in Ominis's case.

Ominis is patting Sebastian on the shoulder gently.

After about five hours, the midwife comes out to sat that Sebastian can see his wife and daughter.

Man literally jumps up and rushes into the delivery room.

Once he gets inside, he sees you looking exhausted with your hair messy and sweat on your forehead.

With your little bundle of joy held to your chest.

Sebastian is once again crying like he did on your wedding day.

When your friends are coming in one by one, he's presenting your daughter this way, every time;

"Behold! The Snadger! The product of a snake (him) and a badger (you)!"

"Sebastian, stop calling our daughter that or you're not going to get the chance to put another child in me."

You both decided to name her Anne Lilian Sallow.

She has your hair and skin tone while she has Sebastian's eyes. Only time will tell what other features she'll gain from her parents over time.

I'll probably make a sequel to this with early parenthood headcannons. This was originally just gonna be marriage headcannons but then the saga of pregnancy came up so it changed.

[jeankluv]

Snow on the beach || Trafalgar Law x fem!reader

Words: 3.5k

Warnings: angst, blood, deathly disease (amber lead), law’s past, doffy (again)

Notes: the warning are all for the flashback, the flashback is in iliac form. Enjoy this new chapter and Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it, if you don’t please have a nice evening and take care of yourself ❤️

Previous chapter || Materialist || Next chapter

Chapter X: 7 days for the trip

The snow fell for days after Law left. You had been happy to see snow for the first time but you had also been extremely sad for not being able to share those moments with Law. It had been over two weeks since Law had left and you hadn't heard from him, Corazon had told you that he was fine and very busy, that's why he hadn't called. You had given him Nami's house phone to give it to Law so you could talk, but during that time the phone never rang.

Now you were in the living room coach reading while having music in the background. Nami had gone out a few minutes ago to run some errands and you had decided to take advantage of that time to read the book she had lent you. You couldn't stop thinking about how lucky you had been to have met the people you had met. You had arrived in that town almost two months ago and everyone had welcomed you with open arms. You wish you could talk to your 16-year-old self and tell her that everything would be okay, that you would find that group of people who would make you feel cared for and loved.

You began to turn the pages, as the minutes passed. Half an hour had passed when a knock on the apartment door brought you out of your reading.

You put the book aside and got up from the couch. You walked to the door and opened it to see Robin, smiling at you.

“Robin!” You smiled widely.

Despite having been with her for a short time, how little you had known her and what others had told you about her, you felt that you could be yourself with her.

“Hello y/n!” She hugged you. “How have you been?”

“Good, please come in.” You stepped aside and let her in. “I thought you weren’t coming until two days.”

“I was able to leave earlier, I had some early classes so there was no problem.” She gave you a sweet smile.

“Oh.” You nodded, she was so elegant and also intelligent.

“Tell me, how is it to live with Nami?”

“It’s really fun.” You said walking towards the kitchen. “I can’t compare her with anyone, this is my first time living with someone else but I’m really having so much.”

“I’m happy to hear that.” She said while grabbing the cup you gave her. “Thank you. Are you excited for the trip?”

“Yep.” You said making a noise in the p. “It would be fun.”

“Is Law coming?” Your heart stopped pumping for a second. Was he? You didn’t think he would, you wished but the chances were really small, hell, he might not even come for Christmas.

“I… I don’t know.” You let out with a sigh.

“You haven’t been able to talk with him?” You shook your head. “Mhm… and Corazon he…?”

“He doesn’t know anything, although I’m eating with him today, so I will try to get some info.”

“That’s good. I hope he comes.” She smiles. “Your whole face lights up when you talk about him.”

“That’s not…” You tried to explain yourself.

“Y/n even Luffy has noticed it.” She winked at you and walked to the living room, leaving you with a red face in the kitchen.

You sighed, you needed to control yourself from turning red or else everyone would notice how into Law you were. You hung out with Robin until it was time for you to meet Corazon for lunch. You said goodbye to Robin and took the bus towards his house and to which for a time where yours was too.

The trip was shorter than you remember and you realized you were already getting out of the bus. You smiled when you saw. Corazon outside of his house playing with Bepo, when he saw you he waved and you did the same. Bepo started running towards you, moving his tail and happily licking your palm.

“Hello Bepo.” You smiled, petting him. “Good boy.” You praised him.”

You walked with him to where Corazon was and he gave you a hug.

“I’m so glad you came. I missed you so much.” He said while still hugging.

“I missed you too. It’s weird not being here.” You sadly smile. “But living with Nami is nice.”

“That’s good…” He looked at you. “Sadly now I need to deal with Mrs.Smith’s grandson.” He sighed.

“The grandson?” You tilted your head.

“Yeah, he came here and is staying for I don’t know how long. But he is…” He sighed again. “Complicated.

“Oh… I thought Mrs. Smith didn’t have a family.”

“She has.”

“So…” You started to think, this was the reason why Mrs. Smith told you to leave?

“Yeah?”

“Mhm?” You came back to reality. “Oh nothing, don’t worry.” You smiled. “Why don’t we go inside and start preparing everything to eat?”

“Yes.” He grabbed your shoulders.

You followed Corazon right to the kitchen, you smiled when you saw that it was a mess. Law was right when he mentioned that he was a disaster in the kitchen and honestly you were no better. You just hoped you didn’t burn the house down during the day. With Corazon, you prepared a simple plate of pasta, fortunately no one was harmed and nothing was burned.

You sat in front of him and finally let out the question you were dying to ask since you stepped out of that bus earlier.

“Do you know anything about Law?” You said poking a macaroni off your plate.

He shook his head. “He hasn’t called, I’m sure he is busy. Don’t worry.”

You bite your inner cheek, you knew Corazon didn’t know the truth and you had the need to tell him. He was his son, he needed to know, but you also thought it wasn’t your place to tell him. But Law could be in danger and he could do something, right?

“Y/n stop thinking so much.” He spoke. “He will be okay.”

“But he…” You stopped talking and looked down to your palms, what could you do?

“I know…” He let out and you looked at him back. “I know the truth and I know he will be alright.”

“You know?” He nodded.

“Yeah, I found out days after Law left.” He sighed. “Found some notes and old bills, I called him after that and he told me everything. He assured me everything was okay and that there was nothing to worry about.” He touched his forehead. “But honestly it makes me so sad that he has been enduring all this on his own. He was just a kid when everything in his life went down and I thought that us moving here was going to give him the peace and calm he deserved.” You saw how he started to get teary. “But I was wrong and my poor boy was still suffering.”

You tried to find the right words but your heart was aching for the thought of Law.

“Did Law tell you I am not his real dad?” You opened your eyes.

“Wait… I thought.”

Corazon shook his head and smiled “I meant Law when he was 10. At the time I was working undercover on my brother's organization.”

Corazon entered the room in silence, his brother was in front and the rest of the family members, like Doflamingo liked to call them were sat around a large table. Corazon walked a few steps when he fell to the ground. He slipped with something or maybe he was just being clumsy as usual. He heard the laughter of the kids, Baby5 and Buffalo.

It was then when he noticed the presence of another kid. He was skinny, really pale and with big big dark circles under his eyes. The kid rolled his eyes when he saw him.

Corazon stood up and sat next to his brother, listening to him talk about how they were going to pass the drugs to a new contact they had in the south. But he couldn’t concentrate, his thoughts were on that kid, why did he end up here? Kids shouldn’t be part of this world.

He learned that the name was Law, Trafalgar Law and was 10 years old.

The days started to pass and he noticed the white spots on the boys body, he quickly figured out what it was. Amber Lead diseas, he heard about it but thought everyone that had it was already dead. His heart attached with the thought of that poor kid losing his family to that deadly illness.

He tried for weeks to make the kid leave, by treating him badly, pushing him away or anything. But he stood there, he seemed not to care at all.

It wasn’t until he heard the kid talking with his brother that the body had lost all hopes and all meaning of life.

“I want to destroy the whole world before dying.” A shiver ran through his body when the 10-year-old boy said those words.

And it hit him, if he didn’t help him, he would become like his brother. Someone full of hate and anger in his heart. He started searching for information about the illness, looking for doctors and leaving his main mission to the side. He knew Sengoku was going to reprimand him but he didn’t care. He needed to help that kid and not let him fall like his brother did.

It had been three months since Corazon met Law when this one stabbed him on the back. But it didn’t hurt. It was not comparable to the pain that poor child was suffering.

Corazon kept researching, while keeping a low profile and continuing his mission. It wasn’t until he heard Law’s full name that he knew the mission needed to be left aside and get that kid to safety as soon as he could.

Trafalgar D. Water Law. The D. That letter his brother despised so much.

He took Law out of there and once they were far away from the other two kids, he talked to him.

Law was left speechless, that man could talk? Doflamingo said he couldn’t, not after the trauma he suffered.

“You have been lying.” He said.

Corazon sighed. “That doesn’t matter. What matters is that you leave my brother’s side or he will kill you once he finds out about the D in your name.” Law raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t care.” Law said, not showing a sign of emotion. “I will be dead before I turn 13.”

Corazon bite his inner cheek. There was a possibility of saving him, but that meant leaving the mission aside and probably losing everything he earned during his time in the academy.

But he couldn’t care less. He needed to save Law from his cracked date and from becoming a monster like his brother. He knew there was good on that kid and he was not going to give up on it.

“You are coming with me.” Law was small and very light, so it wasn’t difficult for Corazon to carry him and start walking away from that “family”.

“Wait, what?!” Law shouted and started to move, trying to break free. “Where are we going?”

“I think there might be a cure for your illness and I’m going to save you.”

The journey began but Corazon did not expect to encounter obstacles so soon. The doctor he was looking for apparently no longer worked at that hospital, but he was now at another one. When he tried to get the doctors there to see Law, they simply screamed in terror. Causing Law to run away from the apology. Corazon felt his body burn with fury when he saw that poor Law had walked out of there like that.

The days turned into weeks, in each hospital always the same reaction, no one wanted to treat him. Weeks turned into months and Law started to get worse, his skin was even paler and he had lost a lot of weight.

“We will be staying here for a couple of days.” Corazon whispered while he was carrying Law, who was almost asleep. “See if your fever lowers a little bit.” And he put him on the bed.

“I will die soon.” Law whispered.

Law fell asleep minutes after that and Corazon drowned his sorrows in the cheap alcohol of that motel while he looked at the moon and cried because he couldn't do anything for that child.

“Law…” He touched his cheek. “You’re still a rude little boy. And hearing you say “I will die soon��� is…” He took a deep breath, trying not to cry so much. “… heartbreaking.” He let out, whipping away the tears that were rolling down his face. “You… stabbed me that day… but it didn’t hurt at all. I know you were the one that was in pain.” Corazon couldn’t stop crying at that moment and walked away, not knowing that Law heard everything and also started crying.

Corazon was woken up by Law’s voice calling.

“Cora-San.” The young kid said. “We should go and eat some breakfast.”

Corazon scratched his eyes, had he heard correctly? “Did you just… call me Cora-San?” Law shrugged and Corazon smiled as she picked him up and laughed.

“Put me down!” Law shouted. “Or I will call you Corazon once again.”

“Alright, alright.” He said laughing. “You feeling better?” He touched his forehead slightly to make sure the fever was over.

Law nodded and they both went to the hotel cafeteria for breakfast. While Law finished breakfast, Corazon made a couple of calls. He knew that Law didn't have long left, but he believed that the information he had obtained this time was correct and would lead them to that doctor.

They traveled hundreds of thousands of kilometers until they finally reached a village in the mountains, where there were barely a hundred inhabitants. The surprise came when Corazon found out that that famous doctor lived even more isolated, in the forest to be more exact, and that most people considered him crazy.

Corazon put those ideas out of his head and with Law in tow he left for that place that the villagers had indicated him. The journey was hard, due to the thick snow that made him sink under his feet and the cold that hammered his bones. Law was fast asleep on his back, his fever had returned and he barely had any strength.

But finally, as the last ray of day faded, they reached the little cabin. Corazon staggered and knocked lightly on the door, barely having any strength left to stand. He heard some murmurings inside and when they opened the door, he could see the figure of a man with a big hat.

Before fading right there, Corazon said. “Please help him…” And everything went dark.

When Corazon came back, he could feel heat and the smell of food. He opened his eyes to see an older woman sitting reading a book. She looked at him and put the book next to her.

“If you are going to stand up, do it calmly. I don’t want to carry your two meters tall body again.” Corazon did as she told him. “I’m Kureha.” She said crossing her legs.

“Rosinante.” He said, touching his head. “But everyone knows me as Corazon.”

She nodded. “So the kid wasn’t lying when he said your name was Corazon.” Corazon opened his eyes.

“Law! Where is he?”

“He is alright, he will be alright.” Corazon felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders. “Hiriluk is taking care of him.”

“Thank god.” He sighed in relief.

“We were surprised when we saw he had the Amber Lead disease, though everyone died from it. At least that’s what the government made us believe.” She took a bottle of wine for the shelf and started drinking it.

“He is the only survivor.”

“Well it’s a good thing you brought him on time.” A man spoke, Corazon looked at him, he guessed he was the man that the lady mentioned. “He will be alright, but you will need to stay here for a bit before leaving.” Corazon nodded. “I want to make sure his liver expels all the lead from him.”

“Sure… How much I need to…” Corazon stood up.

“If you think I’m going to let you pay me something, you are wrong.” He sat beside the lady, who was still drinking. “I’m a doctor, I’m here to help people.” He then looked at Corazon. “I’m also a father and I know what it is to see your kid suffering and to be desperate to help them. So now focus on resting and everything will be better.”

Corazon nodded and walked to the room where Law was asleep. He sat next to him and in silence he watched him peacefully rest. Maybe he was going to be able to have a peaceful life after all.

Five weeks passed since they arrived at the cabin. Law had gained weight and little by little the white spots on his skin had begun to disappear, although he continued to spend his days in bed, mostly reading or playing with Hiriluk's son, named Chopper. He was only four years old but he liked to play doctor with Law and Law would occasionally read him a medical book that Hiriluk had lying around, even though Chopper didn't understand what Law was reading to him. That day Corazon went down to town, he had to do some shopping, Hiriluk was already doing enough for them, other than being the one who went up and down to buy provisions.

Corazon started going through the forest once he bought everything he needed for the house.

“Brother.” He heard.

His blood froze when he heard that voice, how was it possible? It couldn't be that he was here, it couldn't be. He had to keep pretending, keep making him believe he was on his side and keep him away from Law.

“Stop pretending my dear brother.” He spoke again.

Corazon turned around and looked at him, he was there standing,with a gun in his hand. That was his end, his brother knew everything and like he did with his father he was going to kill him, in that place.

“How?” He whispered.

“Nothing escapes from me, my dear brother.” He smirked. “You thought you could fool me? Mhm you were wrong.”

Corazon frowned and gritted his teeth. “Leave and you will never see me again, I won’t even sell your information to anyone. But go away.”

Doflamingo shook his head. “Where is Law?”

“Leave him alone.”

“I need the kid. Now tell me where is he.”

“Leave him. He is far away from here, you can’t catch him anymore.” Corazon shouted. “Now he is free!”

And then Corazon felt it, like the bullet passed through him, first one and then another and another. The snow around him began to turn crimson and his brother's footsteps began to move away, not only from him but also from the cabin where Law was. He smiled because if he died at least he knew Law would be okay, he could have a peaceful life and he could grow up. Everything would be fine.

“Fortunately I was found by Kureha and I survived.” Corazon sighed. “Then we moved here, Kureha worked some years ago at the local hospital and said it was a peaceful place where my brother wouldn’t find us.” He looked at you. “Don’t cry, it’s all in the past.”

You scrunched your nose and took the handkerchief Corazon handed you. “It hurts me to think that you and Law had to go through all that. Law was so little…” You cried again. “I'm so glad you were there for him and… that you survived that.” Corazon smiled at you and shook his head. “But… Law is with him now, what if…”

“Law is intelligent, he knows what to do and I believe in him. He will come back to us.” He gave you a smile with which you could feel immense relief. Corazon trusts Law and you should do the same too.

“Thank you for telling me this.”

“You’re important to Law, you deserve to know.” And you smiled.

After you calmed down a bit and became calmer, you finished eating and helped Corazon pick up and wash everything. By the time you realized it, the sun was already setting.

You went down the stairs from the porch of Corazon's house, you were still thinking about everything the two of you had talked about. Your heart was still agitated by all the new information. You were walking with Corazon heading towards his car, when you heard a door open, you knew that noise, it was the door of the house where you had been staying. You heard Corazon turn and greet the person leaving the house, Mrs. Smith's grandson you assumed.

Your eyes searched for the figure of the person who now occupied the place where you had been staying weeks ago. You felt the food you had just eaten rise to your mouth and the desire to vomit took over you, when you saw the person's face.

Eustass Kidd

Final note: no Law in this chapter but we got Law’s and Corazon’s past, the backstory is similar to the canon story but making a few changes, bc obviously I couldn’t introduce devil fruits in a modern fanfic, so decided to include Hiriluk and Kureha as part of Law’s and Corazon’s backstory. Also a bit of a cliffhanger with that ending. I hope you enjoyed it and please let me know in comments what you thought about it 🫶

Tag list: @smolracoon25 @phsycochan @punem699 @norasincubi @myeahnaise

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

Yuuribois meeting the listeners weird younger brother Headcanons?😗

Scenario: The boys had been noticing the listener had been on edge lately and when they told them their 15yo brother was coming to visit and that they hadn’t seen him in person for around 3 years or so, they were..kinda excited. The listener had been receiving packages and cards with gifts from their brother and couldn’t wait to meet the little guy. Til he got there. He was for starters short asf, was kinda goth, trad makeup and all and collected trinkets and scraps. Very sweet tho.

Sweet, but weird younger brother.

For a different spin Finn, Faust and Auron will be in this one! If you do want more plz request!

Kinda forgor the weird factor but this was still fun to write!

You were happy that your younger brother was visiting, really. But letters couldn't give you the real him. Not like if you were there actually being there as he morphed into his own person. The trinkets and gifts he sent made you smile and waiting for the next letter.

Your partner saw the anxiousness of wanting to meet him. As the days grew closer the anxious feeling turned to giddiness as you thought of what your brother looked like now. To be far three years can change a lot, you do wonder if he grew even a bit?

The doorbell than rang, jumping up you rushed to it. Your partner right behind you, also wanting to see the younger brother you were worked up over. Seeing him finally for the first time in a while warmed your heart.

He was short still, with a goth aesthetic, trad makeup, and a gift bag in his hands. Smiling wide you greeted them along with your partner.

Finn

"Hi, I'm Finn. Nice to meet you! My Sunflower has told me a lot about you."

Greeting his partner's younger brother Finn asked if he wanted any drink or food.

The boy shook his head and greeted him back. Then pulled a trinket out of his bag he was holding.

Finn gasped as he saw the beautiful jeweled flower broch. Thanking the young man he then went to put it somewhere safe.

After that he listened as the two siblings reconnected together. Adding his input a few times but mostly staying silent. He didn't want to interrupted their bonding time.

When the two finished your younger brother asked him about flowers since you told him about Talk Floral.

Finn was happy to talk or ramble on the subject. Giving random facts and trivia Finn learned his favorite flower.

In all it was nice meeting your brother! He was glad he got the gift and you got to spent time with him. Finn hopes that the next meet up is soon so he can show off his garden and flower shop!

Faust

"Hey, I'm Faust. Love your outfit! Where'd you get the belt, been meaning to get a new one."

Was 10000% worried he wouldn't be able to find anything in common.

The goth aesthetic he had threw him off. Reminding him of his brothers phase.

He was racking his brain on what the two of them could talk about. He didn't know if the boy liked games or maybe fashion?

The gift Faust was given was a pretty set of moon earings. Putting them away in a jewlery box he felt a ping of jealousy.

Seeing you connect made him want to try with Auron. But that bridge was burnt...Shaking his head he joined back into the conversation.

Both of them talked about anesthetic and thrift shopping. He was glad they could talk about something together.

In all Faust was glad you had a strong bond with your younger brother still. Maybe next time he comes over you three can play a multi people video game?

Auron

"Hello, I'm Auron. Welcome, I hope your ride was nice."

The outfit made him smile, also get war flashbacks to his goth phase. The makeup looked really sharp too.

As you let your brother in Auron asked if he wanted anything. Your younger brother said no thank you so the three of you were just sitting.

The bag he was holding he gave Auron a leather note book he found. The red head thanked him and to give you both time to bond left to put it away.

Thinking to himself he was glad you were able to bond with your younger brother. Auron felt a ping of yearning in his heart, the red head thought of an annoying blue headed man.

Shaking it off he came back and listened to the two of you catch up. Your brother even talked about some writing he was doing, bc there was a peom slam at a goth convention.

Reading one out Auron gave him a few pointers. Your brother happy to finally get some real critique asked for more.

It was nice seeing your brother be comfy in your presence and Auron's. The red head did have doubts of him liking the older man. But after your younger brother left was happy with the cinverstatu9m he had with the young man.

[windywhistler]

I know I haven’t posted in a while, but I’d like to post a little farewell to G5. I know it wasn’t a lot of people’s favorite, and it definitely had its fair share of flaws (I remember giggling with my partner when the first episode of MYM came out over how stiff the animation was!), but I loved it very much, and I hope maybe we can somehow see these characters again. I loved this cast very much, so I’m going to ramble a bit below this. For a quick TL;DR: I love these sillies a whole lot, and they will always hold a very special place in my heart :)

Misty in particular means SO much to me. I love her and the way she overcomes living with Opaline, especially because the other Mane 5 are just. So willing to give her space to come into her own and discover who she is in a way she’s comfortable with every time she’s uncomfortable. Found family Misty is everything to me as someone who grew up with a not-so-great family and sees her friends as her family. On that note, I also really like the way Sunny is portrayed to have PTSD symptoms after struggling with 2 villains (shoutout to Allura though, I wish we got a proper end to your story girl). I like it when shows acknowledge that going through crazy stuff often results in trauma. She has very obvious flashbacks in s1 ep68 and s2 ep7 of TYT, and she starts experiencing paranoia, having nightmares, and being hyper-vigilant, and it means so much to me that they bothered to show how living through those situations impacted her mental health.

Next, I think I wanna talk about Izzy! I know a lot of people see her as “the Pinkie Pie clone” (and, to be fair, she IS pretty similar), but I feel like she’s so much more than that. I love her having Violette as her own protégé, and how she’s always so excited to use her creativity to help others! It’s nice to see G5’s Mane 6 teach others their own “elements” much in the way that FiM’s Mane 6 acted as mentors to others. I’m also VERY glad they brought back rainbowified ponies, even if Izzy was the only one. She looks GREAT, and getting to see that they brought it back one last time for the final episode made me SO happy (I actually SQUEALED when I saw the thumbnail for episode 23!). I know that part isn’t really personality related, but it still makes me happy!

I’d also like to sing some praises about Hitch, too. Adding a male to the main cast was a rather bold move in my opinion, since the closest we’ve ever gotten to that is maybe Spike in any gen, Danny in G1, and maaaybe Teddy in MLP Tales? We’ve never really had a boy be part of the established main group, and oh boy was Hitch the perfect beginning for that! He’s such a goofball, and I love the sort of “awkward, cringey dad who loves his son very much” thing they did. Yes, he’s different from movie Hitch, but I always saw that as a side effect of now having a child to parent in the form of Sparky. A LOT of people’s personalities can change post-having kids, and I think it’s interesting that they made him like one of those parents who just wants to bubble wrap their kid and keep them safe. It’s pretty funny, since Sparky doesn’t exactly seem to mind or care. He reminds me a tiny bit of my own dad, and that’s something that means a lot to me.

The last two I want to talk about are, of course, Pipp and Zipp! As for Pipp, I honestly… wasn’t the biggest fan of her at first. I think I was just cranky because they added technology and social media to my Horse Show, LOL! Once I kind of got used to that, she grew on me. She grew on me BAD. I absolutely ADORE Pipp; she’s just the cutest! I love how they have her take accountability when she screws up, and I think it’s really important how she teaches kids that it’s okay to put the phone down for a while around seasons 4-5 of MYM, especially given how much tech plays a part in everyone’s lives these days. I think her having confidence and wanting to SHARE that confidence rather than bring others down is really admirable, and I love the approach they had when designing her character in intentionally making her shorter and rounder than the rest of the cast (most notable in TYT), but very specifically not having her be insecure about it. Touching on bodily insecurity is always great, but I also love seeing characters who look different where it’s just… okay. It’s accepted. I think that's pretty awesome!

Last but ABSOLUTELY not least is Zipp! She was my first favorite of G5 (they’re ALL my favorites now, I fear), and I’ve always thought it was so awesome how they had this royal character who was actively against corruption in power AND didn’t want to be treated as royalty! Having a character who’s heir to the throne and very blatantly… DOESN’T want to be/isn’t looking forward to it is something I feel like I haven’t seen a whole lot, and it’s a really interesting perspective to explore. I’m glad they did! I also love how her scenes in episode one of MYM can very much read almost as a trans allegory. I myself am not trans, but my partner and quite literally ALL of my friends are, so it’s still quite meaningful! Plus, I’m someone who chooses to not go by her birth name due to CPTSD, so, from all angles, seeing her wish to be referred to in ways that make HER comfortable and having that be respected gives me the fuzzies. I love her relationship with Pipp too, and I find their bond to be so heartwarming! Portrait of a Princess is one of my FAVORITE episodes of MYM, and it’s just so sweet to see how much they care for each other! Also, slightly less relevant, but them getting their cutie marks one right after the other on the same day was very cute. Very CMC of them. Very Mane 6 of them. Very cute, very demure, very mindful. I hope people still say that, LMAO

All in all, I know G5 had plot holes, ever-improving animation, and a lot of things fans were displeased over. Still, these characters mean something to me, and, even if their story got cut short, they’ll always still be my little ponies. Thanks for listening to me ramble on if you read all this, I know I kind of turned it into an essay haha :”)

[thetangycheesemanwithaplan]

Some speculation I have for the next episode!

Yes I'e been having a lot of speculation and maybe (most likely) i'll be wrong but its just some fun ideas I've been having

I talked about this with @buck-up-buck and she is a prophet (check out her posts here to see her vision-with a small contribution from me about the AA meeting being a thing) she has some theories that happen after this theory of mine which I'm excited for her to share with you all as she see's the shrimp colours.

And so with what we've seen in the promo, the still that Tim has shared (I have brightened it so it can be a bit clearer) here's what I think will happen. Especially in this still

So firstly the order of events I believe will be the AA meeting then the Bathena conversation and then the motel drama, just as we are shown in the promo. There will be other things sprinkled in but the next two eps will be very Bobby centric. So when i saw this still i immediately thought of the following ideas/spec:

So Amir makes his speech at the AA meeting, it slowly dawns on Bobby the connection they share and obviously this sends Bobby mentally spiralling. It's been 10 years since the fire and Bobbys come far but hearing from someone who he affected by his past actions is definitely going to stir up shit (duh). I feel like we may get some flashbacks to the fire, maybe even Amir's perspective (how he got his scars) because our boy Amir is angry (you saw his stare, seeing bobby has reignited his fire). I feel like Bobby may attempt to speak to him after but Amir is angry and storms out or Bobby is in shock and cant say anything.

We then see the conversation with Bathena. It looks like Athena was asleep and Bobby hadn't come to bed yet. Athena woke up and came looking for Bobby to find him hunched over his laptop going into a bit of a dive on Amir and who he was and who he lost. Athena maybe talks to him about it and Bobby is very much adamant on making amends (Step 9). Athena wants to support him but the sergeant in her is concerned at this guy. So she supports him in the moment but hatches her own little plan.

And here is where we see the still (it's clearly at the hospital)

Athena has found out where this guy works and goes to speak to him. Amir is just finishing his shift when Athena catches him. She introduces her self and that she's Bobby's wife. Amir is immediately angered by this but keeps himself calm, only showing annoyance. Athena talks about how she knows who he is through Bobby and that she's sorry for Amir's loss. She expresses concern for how he raised the issue to Bobby and asks that they can work towards making amends. She says that Bobby has come so far to turn his life around (gives examples of what Bobby has accomplished. Captain of the 118, his new family with her and the steps he has taken in recovery) and all he wants to do is carry on moving forward. She doesn't want this incident to cause Bobby to fall of the wagon, they've been through a lot and she's concerned (she also getting alarm bells from this guys so is trying to gauge his intent whilst also trying to clear the air)

I think this angers Amir, again he wont show it but it sparks something in him further than what has already been sparked. He starts scheming (@buck-up-buck's theories about the loft burning down hehe) I feel like he'll make some comment to Athena about how he's glad Bobby could move on so easily whilst everyone else was left cleaning up the mess(throw back to the comment he made to Maddie) Obviously Athena defends her husband and says something like "it was far from easy, he clawed his way out of the darkest place and fought tooth and nail to get where he is now. If he can do it so can you." cause Athena has clocked that this guy is massively holding a grudge.

But Amir doesn't want to hear it and maybe just says something like 'Good for him' before walking away from the conversation.Amir is angry because its been 10 years and he's still affected by the fire, he hasn't let go of the pain and the hurt (as he mentioned in his speech) but now seeing that the guy who caused it has a new family, that he's moved on and is happy, is captain of a firehouse (irony not lost on him) and Amir has been left scared and hurt and his life hasn't bounced back just absolutely fuels his revenge plan.

Athena tells Bobby that she tried to reason with Amir but there was no reasoning with him and that he's very angry still. She tells Bobby she knows he needs to make amends and he should but also says he should be careful and wait for him to calm down a bit first and that whatever he does he shouldn't do it alone. Bobby of course listens and agrees but also he understands Amir better than anyone and thinks he can get through to him (remember Bobby is shook up by this whole thing and won't make the smartest decisions) so when Amir reaches out and asks Bobby to meet at the Easy Motel, Bobby does go and then, Amir starts his revenge

Amir wants Bobby to suffer again like he did (he doesn't acknowledge that Bobby did loose everything in that fire, he's to blinded by his own grief and mad that Bobby has a shiny new life and seems unbothered by his past to listen to reason) he wants to rip Bobby's family away from him, saying he doesn't deserve a second chance.

[ultraviolet-cello]

Day 8 of the tristamp analysis marathon and jesus christ i am!!! really excited to do these now because people have been adding onto/being nice abt my stuff and that's super cool. Thank you again to @tristampparty for running this! I didn't manage to join in on the book club last year so it's nice to have a fun little event all the same

[But as for next book club,,,, well. I'm extremely transgender about trimax and would love to join in]

As always, spoilers for trigun stampede and trigun maximum! Also some CWs for Vash-typical passive suicidal tendencies and discussion of his psyche

So! Episode 8! I have.... mixed feelings, on how Tristamp portrays Knives. On one hand, I definitely think that we're being lead to believe that Vash has always been a peace-loving kid and that Knives has always had those tendencies, which would set up for season 2 to break that down. I hope.

The one thing I couldn't figure out, ofc, is the Knives not needing to eat thing - My friend millions-dykes theorized a black hole/white star dynamic a little while ago [as seen in the screenshot. I'm Organ, they are Nagito Malmonella]

aaaaaaaaanyway, we still get these little instances of knives just being a kid, and it's the funniest thing in the world to me. Vash is also apparently in tune with him enough to pick up on that and it's such twin behaviour.

There's also just a lot of cases of Knives smiling or being giggly around Rem, which,,,, he's such a mama's boy like we know this but it's so nice to have it reinforced. This theory of Knives having always been cold/standoffish just doesn't track - the only time he usually seems uncomfortable is when Rem touches him or when he talks about Plant stuff - particularly when he's talking about being different to Vash. Knives, to me at least, is a tad autism-coded :]

OKAY TO THE SCENE[TM]

So obviously this has changed from when we first saw Vash tell the story. Vash's sequence of events runs as follows:

Vash walks up to the little hill that Knives is laughing maniacally on top of -> Knives says "I finally did it! It worked! -> Vash confronts him with "How could you do that?" -> Knives reassures him with "Don't worry, I left the Plant ship" -> Knives says "I even got Rem killed!" -> Knives points out that Vash is his accomplice, but does not elaborate why. "Don't get mad. You're already my accomplice, isn't that right Vash?"

Now the sequence of events in this version is provably more accurate (the same audio is used in the black box recording discovered later), and goes as follows:

Vash wakes up from the escape pod and goes "Nai, where are you?" -> He spends some time following Knives' footsteps where he sees the crashed pods and fire and Knives laughing on the hill -> Knives says "I finally did it! It worked!" -> Vash says "I can't believe you killed Rem!" -> Knives says "Don't get mad. You're already my accomplice, it was you who told me the passcode - Am I right, Vash?"

So there are several inconsistencies in these two versions of events, most notably for me is that Vash is the one to bring up Rem. If the 1st telling was correct, it would imply that Knives wanted to kill Rem, but that part is conspicuously absent, because Vash is the one that brings her up.

Vash's retelling also omits the fact that he was the one to give Knives the passcode, shifting more blame onto Knives. It's very very interesting to me. Finally, Knives mostly has his back to Vash when he dissolves into laughter again. Which is a technique often used to hide if you've been crying or are having a hard time keeping some emotional responses down.

And I'm not even done with this flashback! The scene where Vash just lies down and wants to give up is,,, Well, in Trimax, ever since Tesla, Vash has struggled with suicidal ideation - he's the one that asks for Rem to just kill him, and that's heartbreaking, but we also see a bit of that leaking through here again, where he just wants to lie down and give up. It also gives me hope we're gonna see that Tesla aftermath scene in the next season, because that'll be breaking Vash down into his more complicated, messy parts.

Okay so I do think that the subtitles Aniwave uses are... a little bit Wack, I'm pretty sure that they're unofficial and probably a bit wonky, and I'm only slightly conversational in Japanese so I have 0 idea about this, but hey I think someone should inform Wolfwood, for no particular reas- [I am dragged away by security]

[I did check the dub, which referred to Plants giving birth which I think is much more likely to be accurate. But it'd still be funny for Wolfwood to have to sit through Plant sex ed so neither of them get pregnant]

Rem really was very, very young,,,,,

There are four photos here, but only one is given to Vash. I wonder why,,,, Possibly to gauge his recognition of Knives being in the photo, or keeping the other three to learn what they can about Knives.

The night/day progression cycle here doesn't really match up with Vash's little tally, so I don't think it's counting days. Given that he apparently went to say hello to everyone in cold sleep while on the ship, I think it's a little more likely that the tally marks are for them....

Do we ever actually get to hear Rem say the blank ticket thing in a flashback? I don't recall it, but it is said to Vash after the whole Stabbing Incident in Trimax, so that's possibly why they've kept it from us.

Theeee markings under this Plant's eyes match Elendira's, which. Obviously Elendira in tristamp is part plant there's just so many little details that lend themselves to it,,,

The HAIR COLOUR CHANGE AAAA

I like the little wall of Vash baby pics in the background here, but he still didn't get any of his 3 other ship pics back :(

Finally, Vash's line of "an Independent will make up for what an Independent has done" is interesting because his guilt complex really does spiral, huh. The reason Knives telling him "Oh, you just feel guilty for the Big Fall, huh?" in a later ep fucks him up so much is because like. That is kinda true to an extent. Vash is his own kind of self-deluding, but that only really starts spiraling at about this point in time.

Alright, setting up for a Day of analysis tomorrow, because I have many thoughts and feelings surrounding Knives (I love him very dearly and I hate him a lot (affectionate)) and we Will spend some time talking about Trimax Flavour Knives because my understanding of him is fundamental to my understanding of Tristamp Flavour Knives.

Thank y'all for the fun comments and theory addons!!! I'm having a lot of fun and we're really getting into how [normal] I am about Trigun!

[localfanbaselurker]

Watching Voltron:Legendary Defender for the First Time and Recording my Thoughts

S1-2 | S3 | S4 | S5 | you are here! | S7 | S8

<this debrief/review is pretty rant heavy because of how the season personally impacted me, but fret not! i (hopefully) made it to be still enjoyable/fun to read! just a heads up tho!!>

You get to see the “Pre” thoughts before the read more this time! As a treat <3

Pre-S6 Thoughts

->for the most part I think I understand what’s going on with shiro, but I want to really make sure. jussssst in case.

->they gave lance a big focus in season five so hopefully “we” get to see what that’s culminating to. Super excited about that!

->I don’t fw Lotor all that much despite him being the blorbo by proxy (oomf’s fav) but hopefully this season can change that. I’m just beginning to like him (beginning!) and it’s a 400k slowburn melting an ice berg of hate at that. but it’s getting there. soon they’ll hold hands.

->despite my personal enjoyment of allurance, I would be okay with lotura if Lotor got fully redeemed (in the show and in my heart)

-> PLEASE MAKE KEITH COME BACK!! AND WITH HIS MOM!! I’M BEGGING.

->I’ve noticed a sort of pattern where the characters get a specific episode(s) dedicated to them each season (shiro s1, keith s2, keith+allura s3, pidge s4, and lance s5) So hopefully hunk gets his focus episode this season

->I NEED to see what happened after keith found out about krolia

->hopefully more haggar/honerva lore, maybe even lotor lore to redeem him using Tragic Backstory™ points

Post-Season Six

-> what the actual frick.

-> what WAS this season bro.

-> This season had me getting punched,kicked and tortured left and right and up and down and everywhere. the plot twists and dramatic turns and cries and gasps just kept coming

-> this season left me like lance at the climax of a langst fanfic (yk like right b4 they save him and he’s all fucked over)

-> there are lots of things i liked and also SO MUCH i didn’t like this season

-> so pros and cons basically that’s it that’s the “review”

->WE GOT HUNK APPRECIATION!!! HE GOT TO BE THE ENGINEER AND BE SUPER HELPFUL AND ACTUALLY USE ONE OF HIS SKILLS ABDUWBDJSN IM SO HAPPY FOR MY BOY. MY SON. AAAAHHH.

->^LITERALLY LOOK AT HIM!!! HE GOT SOLID CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT TOO!! He reacted much calmer than his s1/2 self would have in a far less stressful situation!!! He grew up!!! HE GREW UPPPP!!

->^He looks like he’s itching to make a gay joke

->why did lance “die” in the first ep?? It was so random and literally served no purpose?? like it was never talked about in the other episodes and was literally just randomly put in the episode’s run time. it had nothing to do with the shield or whatever was going on with Shiro or lotor either

->does it get talked about in the next seasons or?? like it was literally just a throwaway scene

->KEITH AND HIS MOM!!! THEYRE BONDING!!! KEITH MAKES GOOD RELATIONSHIPS!!!!

->the whole “two years” thing is a little difficult to comprehend on all of its layers but I like to think of it positively because that means Keith and krolia got to spend time building upon their relationship and everything that krolia missed, more than just those flashbacks were “memory shared” between them, and keith resolved some of his internal conflicts.

->however it is probably going to make Keith be even more distant with the team because in his mind two years passed while in theirs only like 2-3 months passed from seeing him in person (if you don’t count 5x04 but they barely saw him there) so the relationships that he was building with them have fallen back a little on his part but the others still feel super close to him, so I hope that also gets resolved in s7

-> LANCE IS CUBAN!!! I got super excited you guys don’t understand. maybe you do considering the notes on my post where I said that. But still. I actually squealed so loud when he said it.

-> The mock DnD episode was super fun!! the calm before the storm though I guess

->i looooved the fact that keith came back to the team but that episode pissed me off SOOOOO FREAKING BAD BRO.

->^“we need to attack Lotor when he comes back” OMFGGGGGG NOOOOOOOO THATS literally so STUPID. make a PLAN first you freaking IDIOTS.

->^Literally if they had just played it cool when lotura came back and then told Allura about everything privately THEN stage an intervention/interrogation with Lotor like in Season 5, NONE OF THAT WOULD’VE HAPPENED.

->^but nooooooo we have to be STUPID and ATTACK IMMEDIATELY because PLOT REASONS. istg. don’t get me started this isn’t even the beginning of that rant. I just… *long suffering sigh*

->^and the way they immediately took the altean girl’s word and turned on Lotor? Y’all some fake ass bitches fr didn’t even let the man defend himself. it could’ve been a misunderstanding but okay. damn.

->^WHY ARE YOU INCRIMINATING YOURSELF BRO. OH MY GODDDDDD. every time i told myself that this episode couldn’t get any worse,, it. got. FUCKING. WORSE.

->^low key get the altean girl’s frustration tho because that shit was traumatizing. literally my live reaction right there

-> the only good things that happened that episode were lance calling keith hot and the team meeting krolia. maybe the lotura kiss. (I would’ve enjoyed it more if it wasn’t for the knowledge that they were straight up gonna beat Lotor’s ass when they got inside the castle)

->I guess I have to suffer for the absolute SQUEAL I gave when Kieth went up to the black lion and said “FORM VOLTRON” making them do the thing where they’re divided into 5 frames like a comic

->^that bitch ass clone better be ready to catch these hands. you do NOT say that to my boy.

->I got so excited when keith went all galra! ultimately yeah he did it because he was incredibly stressed but still it was super cool!

-> I was actually a little sad that Lotor didn’t get a real redemption. Like yeah I saw it from a mile away by the way he talked about quintessence and overall attitude but idk,, like him and allura actually seemed in love. even if he was just doing it for the quintessence you could tell he actually ended up genuinely falling in love with her. maybe it’s just me, but i think it would’ve been nice.

-> maybe keith and him could’ve bonded about being half-galra, and keith would finally get some solidarity with someone who knows exactly how he feels? idk it’s just a lot of missed opportunity there.

-> and then they just…kill him off…wow. that was a lot to take in. I had to actually take a moment. I mean it wasn’t even his fault, really. the quintessence got to him just like his parents. it’s actually super tragic now that I think about it. reminds me of family jewels by MARINA.

->I will say though that final battle was absolutely amazing. Beautifully animated and the action was great. I loved getting to see all the lions powers in the quintessence field. And the flaming sword?? that was literally awesome.

-> my hopes of allurance died but i think this is actually a really good step, Allura still felt bad for lotor when she didn’t wanna leave him in the quintessence field because she still loved him and after the conversation she had with the mice it was obvious she doesn’t (and won’t) like lance back, (she could’ve began to in s4/5) and lance seems to accept this as well, (seeing how he handles it when allura confides in him) which would be good for their relationship. so im happy about that 😊

->ngl if they ended it here it could’ve been pretty good, solid ending. Like, leave the rest up to interpretation sort of thing. (Yes I know there are some strings to be tied yet but yk what I mean) The ending was really satisfactory and if they just fixed a couple plot holes it would’ve been the perfect way to end the show tbh. Idk tho I still need to watch the last two seasons so I’ll see if I still keep my opinion then

->lance’s s5 focus didn’t really culminate to all that much, but he got to be taken seriously when he cried about shiro, so there’s that.

-> the clone!shiro vs keith fight was literally beautiful too omg. The emotions were perfectly captured and the flashbacks were just so perfectly timed it was incredible. the way you could just feel exactly everything keith felt as he fought what looked identical to the man who practically raised him was just. wow.

->^literally gorgeous. look at that, man. beautiful.

-> Don’t get me started on “you’re my brother, I love you” because I will start crying immediately

-> So. yeah. This season was a mess. I laughed. I cried (a lot) I got super pissed in the middle. But it was really super enjoyable otherwise. Bittersweet, really.

-> Hopefully Season Seven doesn’t disappoint! I really hope there’s more Keith+Shiro lore. Just. In general all their family lore.

These are thoughts I’ve been compiling for a while. I will continue to post my thoughts on the tag “Laura’s first VLD”

Please Remember that I am just a person with a life and responsibilities and try to be patient about updates.

Thank you 💞

[lappeldudive]

(Second part of my "2599 Word worth Jade Shadows Quest Rant. If you wonder about the other part you can read it from my page)

First things first, this is not an second account. This is my first and probably will be only account. I really didn't think that I would start using tumblr like that but this whole debate about Jade Shadows update was starting to get tiring for me. I had a lot of opinions I wished to voice and hogling peoples comments is and was not a great way to do this. This is not me explaning things about Jade shadow or blaming people this is rather than a rant about how people approach this quest and also some things I think needs to be mentioned. If my words "sounds" upsetting or annoyed to the people who might seems like I set my target on their face no. This is NOT that kind of rant. I will only use sentences that I see online people arguing about all of this. HERE, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL ANY PEOPLE BE TARGETEN BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY DEFEND.

TW: Mentions of pregnancy, difficulties about pregnancy, some personal stuff that could be triggering for people, some upsetting view about Jade shadow for some people,mentions of trauma related topics about pregnancy and birth.

!!!!! Beware !!!!!

So here we go.

[ JADE SHADOW SPOİLERS]

My little short takes about Quest. It might be quite understandable that I liked this quest. It was nice in some way but still had lots of flaws. As I said before it is very short for such a complicated and risky topic to be made as a storyline. Had lots of loopholes and I feel like this was kinda rushed. Like between Whispers in the Walls-Tennocon 2024-Warframe 1999 this was some kind of "Hey, we had that idea to do. Why not just publish it as much as we finished?". Which could be fine if they didn't hype this almost for months. People got excited and there were lots of rumour about things that I think DE didn't do much to stop those. Some people thaught that since this is Pride Month it will be something related to this special time. Everyone got hype for different reasons which for me was the start of this quests downfall. But even if I say this those are not excuses to be made especially for DE since there is a imply this quest was cooking almost a year! This is enough but not amazing like they promised. Most of the stuff they said did not even talked about in quest. And their lack of explation made things so much worse not only for us but also for themselves.

As an teen mother who felt like my baby was the only thing that could hold me in this life I really felt something when they started to imply Jade was pregnant. If I think of the Warframe in the game universe Jade was like me for most of the time in that quest. She hoped that their little family could escape Orokin's cruelty while her husband was doubtfull at first. Sorren knew there would be consequences of their "betrayal" to their master. But Jade tried to assure her husband that everything would be fine as long as they had him. They could get past and live happy life. Their little boy was their only hope. A hope that Jade CHOSE to keep alive even if it means her death. And oh boy oh boy, let me tell you something. When I saw people getting mad and saying that " DE is doing pro-life propaganda" I felt like some of you didn't understand something. Even if DE didn't gave us a lot to deal (which is very much risky to do if you wanna take a toll about pregnancy and especially death after birth) you can see in flashbacks how they act with each other. Sorren is doubtful and scared while Jade was confident. Also Jade saying "you're going to be a father" is some kind of way to announce it to Sorren. But didn't anyone noticed the way Sorren felt about it. He didn't say he want this kind of thing or not. He was scared. Scared that they would do something to her or the baby. Because unlike Jade, Sorren was really tied to his Masters and their rules. How could this be pro-life? Before anyone come here and try to blame me as an pro-lifer because I've said that I'm a teen mother and how I defend this way of things: I am not from somewhere that woman have a lot of choice for their bodies for a while because how we get treated. And I had lots of family members who choose very dangerous paths to become a mother while had some friends who was very afraid to take care a child. I've seen both sides of things and had lots of people who tried to force their opinions on me and my baby. If a woman wants to be child-free and happy that's her choice. But if also a woman wants to keep the baby even though it could cause her life that is also her choice. Pro-choice does not mean everything could be solved with abortion or women wants to have babies when it's easy. Being pregnant and having kids affects every woman differently. Some thinks they are not ready for this responsibility or does not this kind of emotion for the rest of their lives while the other hold onto that little baby like their life depends on it. People have weird psychology and pregnant woman have weirder psychology.

"But what about the Corpus Comander who set Stalker free after hearing baby?" THAT DOES NOT PROVE ANY POINT.

As far as we know for most of the solar system, warframes are just a mystery. Most of them don't know about Tenno being kids, they call all of the faction "Tenno" while characters like Ballas or Erra call us Tenno when they see us as kids. They couldn't even recognized Stalker in the first place because they do not care about Tenno Drama. So maybe that was the shock they felt when a killing machine they were chasing stood face to face with them while holding a crying baby? What would you do in a situation like this? "But Parvos said that Jade's only purpose was bearing a child" Parvos is an old bastard who sees people as a way to take control. He is a typical villain. Wouldn't doing something the opposite make him sympathetic to us? Clearly DE wants us to hate him just like we hate Ballas.

And about the whole Operator helping to give birth. Uhh... it was not my tea to drink. Especially after the things I've dealt. So it would be very good if we played this game while being Drifter rather than oparetor or at least you guys could give us some way to choose?

I've really so much to say. And please do not get me wrong. Everyone has their right to say their thoughts, I'm just doing mine and you could do yourself to! But even after all of those (Not really suitable and sufficient for the content) trigger warnings in the quest. I really didn't think the think that made me have some kind of trigger attack was the fact that how people stoop so low just tl "critise" this quest. It can be bad or the worse quest for you. For example I don't really like Waverider and Yareli as concept but you should really be considered some things before talking.

-DE has a lot of woman who works under them. One of those being Rebb who has the power to say "No" to this quest and yet all of those talk about sexism and such was kind of not only weird but also a little bit hurtful.

- You can be a nonbinary, a man, a woman and have a reason to be disturbed about this whole quest. But while making your points I think you should also be considered to people who have infertility problems, pregnant women or mothers who play this game. Because belive me, I did not see in tumblr right now but some people started to get really agressive about this topic.

[zootopiathingz]

I watched Zootopia like 6 months ago on a whim, and now the fixation is still hyper...ing.

Yeah

Anyways, Judy and Nick are the best and deserve everything (I genuinely couldn't remember anyone else's names the first time I saw it) aaaaand yeah it's sad that the Fandom is basically nonexistent.

Actually, it's still going strong(?) on AO3 (i've made a few one-shots (shameless self promotion I'm Not_Quite_A_Moron there)) but still, kinda sucks.

Anyways, random headcanon time:

Nick has two moms (he doesn't have specific names for both of them, he just yells "MOM!" anytime he needs help)

Judy actually really likes eating meat, Nick just has to convince her to try it

Nick became really closed off and touch starved after the Junior Ranger Scouts incident, so now, he's a chronic cuddler (especially with Judy (which she loves))

Judy's on the autistic spectrum (she often stims by tapping her foot, and she likes to display affection via playful punches to the arm)

Judy was born on the same day that Nick got muzzled, as if the universe itself felt bad and said "here, have a rabbit" (definitely didn't steal this one from Tumblr nope certainly not)

Nick doesn't really like Gazelle's music, he's more of a rock kind of guy, but he'll stomach any song for Judy’s sake

Judy's asexual (Take one look at the nudist club scene and tell me she isn't at least demi)

Bestie I’d just like to say AAAAAAAAAA

Sorry, but I just got SO excited when I saw someone submitting headcanons! It’s been way too long since I’ve been able to have a good ol’ Zootopia discussion. Oh and I’ll certainly check out your fics! My user is Pixarpnflover so be on the look out for some kudos!✨

Anyway, I love the idea of Nick being raised by two moms! There was supposed to be a plotline about his dad—John Wilde, I believe was his name—but got scrapped along with a lot of other content. So until it’s actually mentioned in canon I’m choosing to believe his mom in the flashback was in fact a raging lesbian lmao🤷‍♀️ also would that make him a double mama’s boy?🤔

Ooo an herbivore converting to a meat diet? How intriguing! I like to think now that she lives in the city that Judy would be open to trying new foods, which would include poultry and fish. I can see her favoring sushi or even turkey.

Nick being openly affectionate after meeting Judy, and reserving most of that said affection for her? Hell yeah. He’s very unapologetic about it too. He’s waited far too long to share that amount of vulnerability and comfort with someone. No way he’s ever going to hold back🫂

Autistic Judy my beloved🙌🏻 You cannot convince me she’s even a little bit neurotypical, I will not believe you lol. I love that her natural rabbit behavior could actually be interpreted as stimming!

Dude, I have believed this headcanon for so long!! The second I found out their age difference, I just knew there had to be some kind of coincidence going on there. I mean, Nick could’ve just said “when I was a kid” when beginning the story, but instead he specified his age (or an estimate, at least) and I think that a choice on the writers’ part. Anyway, I’m a big believer in fate/soulmates, so even just the idea of Judy being born, destined to cross paths with Nick someday to heal his childhood trauma and make his life better, just melts my heart❤️😭

Haha yeah, you can tell the concert at the credits that Nick was only there for Judy😆 Not to say he wasn’t enjoying himself, he just wasn’t nearly as enthusiastic as everyone else. But ya know, the things ya do for your girlfriend!😋 I can also imagine Judy listening to music she doesn’t necessarily enjoy either. A certain loud rock song starts playing on the radio and before she can even think about changing the station, Nick goes “oh I like this one!” And so she smiles and suffers through it. She may even end up liking it anyway!😌

As for this last one, I kinda have to disagree. Not to say she isn’t ace or demi, and no hate to anyone who shares this opinion! But idk, to me I don’t think someone not wanting to see a bunch of people walking around ass-naked makes them ace or a prude (which I’ve seen some fanfics try to claim her to be?) I mean, I’m horny asf and I’d be just as uncomfortable walking around a nudist club😆😅

…I never thought I’d type a sentence like that lol

Anyway, thanks for sharing these! I sure hope the fandom comes back someday, but in the meantime I’ll be here waiting and open to exchanging more headcanons! :3

[rize-said-so]

One Piece Live Action Episode 5 EAT AT BARATIE!

It's hard being a One Piece fan. We celebrating the success of the series, then given the best episode in the anime and then the manga has just been serving.

Episode 5 has been my favorite episode in the season so far. But that may change soon cause I said I liked Episode 4 after I watched it.

I felt a little for Little Luffy in the flashback. Maybe because Garp was an actual human being and Little Luffy wasn't doing his cute little whine when his Grandpa was scolding him that I was actually sad for Luffy not having someone to support his dream of piracy.

But Garp was still Garp and I know he cares about his grandson. I still cry during the flashback when Luffy was climbing up the platform to Ace. Garp was carrying Luffy home and Garp was apologizing for being such a cruel grandpa and that maybe he wanted a different grandpa. But Luffy just nuzzled his head into his grandpa's back and called out to him in his cute little tone and Garp said they'd have a feast back home because he took a lot from the marine ship.

Damn. They're about to give Garp the Fist of Love and Galaxy Impact

I could almost hear him say "As expected of my grandson"

Luffy willing to stand up to his grandpa for his dream. Even if it meant that he may be arrested.

I swear without Nami they'd be broke and lost at sea.

The dynamic between Nami and Zoro, being the first two people Luffy ever recruited was so brother-sister looking after their younger brother coded.

The set designer for this show deserves all the awards. Like seriously wherever they docked the real thing I want to see it.

My favorite All Blue dreamer

I wished they kept to the scene in the manga. Like Luffy's first impression of Sanji and why he asked him to be part of his crew was not because he was a good fighter nor because he liked his food, Luffy hasn't eaten anything Sanji made yet, but he asked Sanji to be part of his crew was because Sanji fed Gin when everyone else tried to kick him out of the restaurant. He saw Sanji's kindness and wanted him to be part of his crew.

This is why there is a lock in the fridge in Sunny and giant mousetraps

I believe in the theory that there's no one in Laugh Tale or they could be vegans. Cause Luffy would have found One Piece already if someone was cooking there.

After seeing Arlong, Nami's happiness became very important to me

He promised to pay with a treasure tab. He made the same promise to Makino. I really hope he returns to Foosha Village and pays that tab cause Makino's a mom now.

Luffy and Sanji conversing about their dream with bright looks on their faces is very important to me.

I love that this is what they're bonding over.

I can't tell if this is Sanji's signature fried rice

I liked Buggy's intro. BUT Mihawk's intro, destroying Don Krieg's fleet, became my absolute fave bounty intro.

I know he and Shanks fought a lot over the years so he easily recognized the hat. And I know he knows about Luffy. Not by name. But because Shanks lost his arm to a boy in East Blue and he probably made the connection. So him mentioning the hat really got me excited.

I love Zoro and Mihwak's duel. They perfectly recreated the battle and really did justice to the moment that defined Zoro's entire brain chemistry as a pirate, Strawhat first mate and Luffy's best friend.

Den Den Mushi Appreciation

Love they're incorporating more designs to the Den Den Mushi. In the anime Garp had a megaphone so this was so in the world tone