#i got reminded today that i do make a positive impact on people's lives and even if my twentieth year has been my hardest i made it through

[mkniesy]

my life didn't end when i was twenty.

[ofmdrecaps]

11/03-04/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; David Jenkins; Rhys Darby; Gizmo Darby; Taika Waititi; Samson Kayo; Samba Schutte; Kristian Nairn; Cast & Crew Getting out to Vote; Fan Spotlight; Calendar Fundraisers; OFMD Fluffvember; PA: In Person Event Reminder: Calypso's Birthday! Love Notes; Daily Darby/Today's Taika;

Hey lovelies, this is once again gonna be kinda weird because major events have happened since I started these drafts.. trying to keep things vague enough for archival purposes, but also respect that things have changed since the 3rd and 4th. Sending all the hugs and love your way.

= David Jenkins =

David and Kinga <3

Source: David's Instagram

= Rhys Darby =

Rhys shared a new trailer for 'That Christmas!'

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Rhys Darby (@rhysiedarby)

Source: Rhys Instagram

Darby Daily Doodles on Substack!

Source: Rhys Darby's Substack

Part 7 of the Brooklyn show is up on Rhys' paid substack!

Source: Rhys Darby's Paid Substack

= Gizmo Darby =

Oh just Gizmo being THE MOST ADORABLE. He missed his Rhys.

Source: Rhys Instagram

= Taika Waititi =

Sounds like Taika is in talks to join David Williams family movie, Fing!

Source: Kidscreen.com

= Samson Kayo =

Samson being adorable.

Source: Samson's Instagram Stories

= Samba Schutte =

More of Samba's Stand up!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Samba Schutte (@sambaschutte)

= Kristian Nairn =

Kristian has designed some awesome jewelry! Check it out below!

Source: Kristian's Instagram

OH and in case you missed it- Kristian's got limited edition guitar picks and cool stuff up in his shop!

Source: Kristian's Instagram

= The Crew Got Out to Vote! =

A bunch of our cast & crew were out doing their civic duty! In order of appearance: Adam Stein- Writer, Lindsey Cantrell -Set Director, Christopher Corbin -"We Could Have Made Magic" Actor, and Vico! CW: Partial Vico Nudity!

Source: / Adam Steins Instagram / Lindsey Cantrell's Instagram / / Christopher Corbin's Instagram / Vico's Instagram

== Fan Spotlight ==

= Fundraiser Calendars =

= 2025 Gentlebeard Calendar =

A new 2025 Gentlebeard Calendar is available! Preorders are open from Nov 4-15! Check out this gorgeous work by some of your favorite artists, and make a positive impact as well! Check out @poorlyformed's Shop for more info!

Source: FidisArt Twitter

= All Fired Up =

Another awesome Charity Calendar Preorder is up as well! All Fired up Firefighter calendars are available for preorder over on Ko-Fi!

Source: Ko-fi / Orphaned Nebula's Twitter

== OFMD Fluffvember! ==

Perfect timing -- it's Fluffvember! I'm a little late with sharing this-- but there's some awesome fluff prompts going on over at ofmdfluffvember on twitter!

You can follow along on twitter or AO3!

Source: OFMD Fluffvember on Twitter

== PA: Calypso's Birthday ==

Reminder for all you PA folks! There's a Calypso's Birthday Event going on at Hardo's Haunt in Pittsburgh on Nov 9 at 6pm ET! More info on their instagram!

Source: Harold's Haunt Instagram

== Love Notes ==

It's weird sometimes writing love notes for past days. Today (the 6th) is so much different than the 3rd/4th and so I feel strange writing things when we all can change in a day. So tonight I'm going to mention something I'm seeing all week.... all the time even. I have watched you all from so many platforms this past week, and I continue to be in awe of you. I see people sending each other love notes from across the planet. I see artists who are drawing things JUST to help reduce people's anxiety and give them some distractions. I see people stepping out of their comfort zones and sharing WIPS because they want to make people smile in these hard times. No matter what happens in this world, you are the good in it.

Please remember to tell yourself that. So much kindness, to strangers, to moots, to acquaintances -- people you've met in person, to people you've never met but talk to online. You are the change this world needs. You are the kindness this world needs. They can't take that from you, only you have that power. You are strong, and you are brilliant, and kindness is your strength. Keep shining lovelies. You're doing all you can, and it makes such a huge difference in so many lives.

== Daily Darby / Today's Taika ==

Just these two being the goofy dudes they are. Gifs courtesy of our dear @celluloidbroomcloset and @meluli <3

[danphantom]

oh hey i wanna talk abt smth thats been on my mind both lately and on and off for a while in general. sorry this ended up being a hella long post lol. but i have a lot to say

so...for context, ive been in the phandom for 10 years--since 2014--though it has admittedly been on and off in terms of engagement from me. in 2017 i got into dragon ball and all but dropped danny phantom completely with a few small drawings here and there. it was only like..within the past week that i actually got back into the phandom legitimately again, actively making art and posts about it and engaging with the source material and etc

anyway, i was obsessed with dp from 2014-late 2017 (until i got into dbz). i made lots and lots of fanart, played the gba games like all the damn time (i got to where i could speedrun tue lol), rewatched the show regularly...i was even one of those fans that bought obscure merch and learned useless trivia that ive since forgotten. in 2015 a lot of you may remember that i made @doppelgangercomic, a comic about an au i had where dan got a redemption arc (albeit a bumpy one) and future vlad was there and stuff happened (go read the comic LOL). it got a LOT of love and traction! it made me really happy to see all the positivity around my work like that :) i actually got a lot of positive responses towards my work in general. i had a really great time in the phandom back then

then i changed fandoms and kinda fell out of the phandom space. after being on a hiatus from the phandom until literally a week ago, i honestly have to say ive felt like i kind of...faded into obscurity in the phandom's eyes? basically i feel like old news. people dont generally know what doppelganger is now. they may have seen my art in passing here and there but they dont know who i am anymore. i think the only place people actively still find my old danny phantom art from when i was heavily active is...deviantart lol. i get notifications from favorites literally every day there. but uh anyway--im not saying this to garner pity or tell a sob story or anything! im just expressing some thoughts and feelings ive had for a long time lol.

the reason i bring this ^ up though, is because like...i know its not true? logically, i know that i DID make an impact in the fandom i loved/love so so much. i left my mark on both the fandom in an artistic sense, and also the people in the fandom, and sometimes i forget that because i get significantly less engagement on my posts than i used to. but i know that doesnt mean that people dont like my stuff anymore, or that ive been forgotten.

i actually got a message from someone today--a friend i made kinda recently who approached me bc they liked doppelganger actually. they told me that basically its surreal to them that theyre talking to me as a friend because they remember reading doppelganger when they were younger and looking up to me because of it. and it really reminded me of what i said previously--ive not been forgotten, and people still do appreciate and love what ive put out into the world (specifically about danny phantom in this case). ive made an impact on people's lives even when i dont realize it or see it physically. the message and sentiment made me feel really really good and nice and happy and honestly relieved, because the phandom and danny phantom as a media has been an extremely important and impactful part of my life ever since i got into it ten years ago. i literally changed my name to dan because of it lol. it was the reason i found stephen silver's work and went down that path of my art journey. its the reason i found so many amazing people and friends and artists and continue to do that even now. i owe a lot to danny phantom and the phandom as a whole, and i try to give back in the only ways i know how--mainly thru showing my passion through my art and posts.

anyway erm. yeah. all of this to say i wanted to thank yall--the phandom--for supporting me all this time, whether youve been with me from the beginning or if youre just joining me recently. youve been an absolute delight in my life and i know youll continue to be for a long time. :)

[pedrospatch]

As someone who was very recently having the same feelings about writing and fitting in on here as you are, I very much understand how you feel. It's extremely painful and makes you question everything, but you really, truly, genuinely are a wonderful writer. I'm glad to hear you don't plan to stop writing, but I hope you don’t leave because you bring value to this fandom and to readers. You could write for any character and someone could emotionally connect to it and that's a very powerful gift. I got a message today from someone telling me my fics got them through really hard times, and hon, I'm gonna tell you the same, because it's true. I felt like I should quit writing because there was a lull in my popularity for a couple fics and it damaged my self confidence, but reading your fics reminded me of why I love to write, which is to connect with people. I read "to do the right thing" and was blown away (though you might not have noticed this name. I have separated blogs for everything). So much so that I was like, oh right, this is why I love to write--to feel things like this and hope others feel the same when reading my work. It's hard to remember on here, where we live by notes and comments and reblogs, that sometimes making an impact on one person is a big deal and it matters. You happen to positively impact a large group of people with every story you post.

I feel like I can confidently say that people here support whatever choices you will make moving forward, but I also feel I can confidently say that we would miss you and your writing.

Sorry this is so long. But I get it, hon. Just keep on keeping on. 🩵 I hope you feel better soon.

I legitimately…am crying. Like I always say “oh I’m crying” no but actual tears are coming down right now and I’m so glad because I think for one, I just need a good cry and get out all these feelings I’ve been harboring and two, I have gotten kind words over the last couple of days that have all had such an impact on me and I think this was the last one, in addition to the others that finally felt like a good slap in the face wake up call to snap me out of whatever emotional dumpsterfire state I’ve been in.

I’ve lost quite a few followers between yesterday and today (I get it, emotional pity party Vee who does nothing but bitch and complain is not a fun person to follow so no hard feelings) but it DID make me wonder if I’m truly being nuts about it all and whether my mental health is just so far down the garbage chute that I don’t see how ridiculous I’m being over nothing? But with people reaching out to tell me they know how it feels…I feel a little less crazy, that’s for sure. I feel disappointed in myself for letting myself fall into that damn trap of caring so much about notes. Especially because when I first started out, I didn’t care about it. I was just having fun and sharing my ideas. The human part of me adores the validation and it makes me feel good and that’s okay, but to let it get to the point where I am letting a number determine whether my stuff is good it or not? That’s not okay. I wouldn’t want anyone, especially fellow writers who I think are so talented, to do this.

I feel ashamed tbh. Because you’re right, touching someone with your writing and connecting to people, that’s what is important. I loved getting replies and messages about someone telling me they can put themselves right in my story, that they felt like they were there. I loved that people told me they could feel my character’s emotions. I hold my characters so close to me and I should not stop loving them. They’re mine, and there are people out there who love them too. It shouldn’t matter if it’s 1 or 1000. If one person adores my sweet lil Peach from ASH, than I appreciate that one person for loving a fictional character I created.

I have a few people who have been so supportive of me and reminding me how much they love my writing and they’re more important to me than all the fucking notes and popularity on this site. And to any of these few people, I’m so sorry for being such a sad train wreck of a person. I hope you know how much I appreciate you sticking around and being so encouraging while I have been in my feels. I didn’t mean to be so ungrateful to you. I’m going to keep on writing and posting for myself, but for YOU as well. Because you’ve been here for me and you support me and that means more to me than anything.

Thank you so much for this message. It truly was the last one that snapped me out of it.

[aisyahrose]

WEEK 1: My Journey to Self Love ❤️‍🔥

Today, I wanna dive into something really personal, my journey with beauty privilege and how it totally changed my life. Let me take you back to my first year of high school. Honestly, it was a total nightmare. I was overweight and the kids at school made sure to remind me of that every single day. some of my classmates thought it was hilarious to call me “Bob.” Like, seriously?! Even the teachers chimed in sometimes, cracking jokes about my weight. It crushed me! I cried a lot behind closed doors because it felt like I was invisible, and everyone else was just having a laugh at my expense.

Fast forward to Form 3, and boom, COVID-19 hits, and we all go into lockdown. I saw this as my golden opportunity for a glow-up! I dove into every diet trend out there, from the crazy to the downright ridiculous. At one point, I got so desperate that I starved myself for almost a week, surviving on nothing but water (because, you know, zero calories). Spoiler alert: I fainted at home one day and It was a wake-up call for sure!

After that, I switched gears. I started binge-watching motivational weight loss videos and decided to take a healthier route. I began working out every day, counting my calories, and saying goodbye to sugar, rice and white bread. Wholemeal bread was my new BFF, and I only eat what I cooked because it easier for me to track colories. After three months of dedication, I shed about 20 kg and yep, I went from 80 kg to 57 kg. I was feeling like a brand-new person!

When school started back up, you wouldn’t believe the shock on everyone’s faces. Suddenly, calling me “Bob” felt super awkward, and people switched to my actual name. That was such a relief! No more traumatic nickname haunting me. For once, I was treated nicely, and it felt amazing. But I wasn’t as happy as I thought I’d be. Sure, I looked different, but I had to keep myself in check all the time, making sure I didn’t overeat because I gain weight so easily (and let’s be real, I’m a foodie deep down!). On top of that, I was losing hair like crazy and felt tired all the time. Yeah, I might’ve gotten “prettier” and people treated me better, but it didn’t feel like me at all. I was living in this weird, gloomy zone where I wasn’t being my true self.

But now after 2 years, I’ve started to gain the weight back. Maybe it’s because I dropped it so fast? I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m way happier now, especially in college. Everyone seems more chill and mature, no more body shaming or mean comments! Beauty privilege is still hanging around, but honestly? I’m over it. I’m all about loving myself for who I am and surrounding myself with people who accept me, flaws and all. I can’t erase those hurtful words from my memory, though. They still sting a bit and tear me up every time I think about it. It's so hard to believe that a 13-year-old had to face such a cruel world.

I really hope people start thinking before they speak because they have no clue how their words can impact someone’s life. People keep on telling me to get over it because they were all just kids back then but how can I? I was a kid too. I deserve to enjoy my high school years. And now whenever I see a chubby high schooler, it takes me back to my old self, and I can’t help but wonder if they’re dealing with the same struggles I went through.

So, here I am, learning to love myself more every day and hoping that others do the same. Sometimes, people’s opinions really don’t matter, so don’t even bother listening to those negative words! Surround yourself with positive vibes and hang out with those who lift you up instead of dragging you down. Filtering out negativity and embracing self-love can feel like a whole journey, but trust me, it’s totally worth it. Remember, not everyone is going to get your story or see your sparkle, and that’s totally fine! What really counts is how you view yourself and the love you build inside. So, the next time someone tries to rain on your parade, just shrug it off! Their opinions are just background noise. Your journey is yours alone, and the way you choose to see yourself is what truly matters.

[wanderinglotus7]

Man, I felt this message in my soul. When it comes to music my taste is all over the place. I listen to a little bit of everything (R&B, Gospel, Hip-Hop, Indie, Punk-Rock,etc.). Ask me last year, most music on my phone was R&B with Christian music in general coming 2nd or 3rd. Ask me today and most of my music is Christian whether it be Christian R&B, Rap, contemporary, or Gospel. Yet, I still listen to “secular” music. Like I told my pastor one day, “You can be in the World, but not of the World”. Noting to what Lecrae said, “ We weren’t born Christians”. So why is music such a trigger around debates around how people should and shouldn’t be living their lives?

I agree with Lecrae when it comes to a person’s creative side much of our influence comes from the dominant culture which uses various forms of media to teach folks how they should interpret and perceive the world. This can be dangerous because some of the messages we gain from society or mainstream media can perpetuate negative stereotypes about specific groups of people and communities. It also creates division among God’s people whether we consider ourselves Believers or non-Believers. All reality, we are all God’s children, so why do we tend to judge, criticize, condemn or demonize folks for not living in a Godly manner that we think that individual should be living? People tend to forget that we aren’t in a position to be judging others especially when we aren’t practicing what we’re preaching. You can’t be all about God, but not living in Christ.

And why do we always got to label things as good or bad/evil? Like the podcast focused on “Secular music vs. Christian music”. What’s really important in that conversation is what are the true intentions of the person or people creating any type of music or any type of art. How can music be used to spread God’s message as well as how can music be used to make effective positive changes in our communities and the world as a whole.

I’m not a rapper or any type of musician but I am a poet. Before I became a poet, I became a writer. Before I became a writer, I became a reader. I’m a total bookworm to this day, and I am 27 years old. To become good or even excellent at a particular craft or artistry, you have to learn from the masters or the Greats at whatever you’re trying to succeed at. But not all the masters are considered Believers, but that shouldn’t stop us from learning them. We can use their skills and knowledge to help us perfect our skill sets to better impact our world while also exposing those to the existence of Jesus Christ.

The only way to become a better writer, I have to read. Not only read, but read a wide array of diverse books whether the diversity stems by fiction or nonfiction, authors, genres, and/or writing formats (novels, short stories, poems, scripts, news articles, etc.). Like with anyone my relationship with God has its ups & downs, and I had my moments when I feel into temptation. However, I was able to find myself again and remind myself that my life and life purpose outweighs the temporary things that’s supposed make us happy or feel fulfilled. In this context, I’m glad that the main adults throughout my life never restricted or prohibited me from reading certain books they weren’t labelled as Christian or Godly. Having that freedom helped me to expand my worldview and gain a better understanding of other people who were different from myself; experiencing a different world than what I’ve been experiencing. I have read a few books written by Christian authors but the context has been basically the same as if I were to read a secular book.

All to say, do what’s right for you and consume material that you know doesn’t go against your beliefs. And if you feel that listening to secular music is a struggle for you, then don’t listen to secular music. For myself, I listen to both types of music and don’t separate two. When it comes to music, I’m more focused on the message and meaning behind the words than focusing on the image or the lifestyle that the musician is portraying because it all can be a lie at the end of the day.

[yhwhrulz]

Today's Daily Encounter Tuesday, September 10, 2024

Choosing What Is Important

"But the Lord said to her, 'My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.'"1

As a mom of four children, my mind rarely goes into "silent mode". I take advantage of absolutely every possible moment to get stuff done. If I sit to play a game with my kids, I am often thinking of the next thing on the to-do list, and hurrying the game along to get back to work. My intention is never to make my children feel unimportant or make them feel as though I don't enjoy being with them, but I also know that my to-do list grows by the day, so I can't afford to let things pile up! However, the other day I had told my son it was time to shower, but before he got in, he came to me and asked for a hug. Before I reached to hug him, he added, "But hug me like you mean it. Don't let go super-fast and tell me to go shower." I felt like I got hit by a ton of bricks! Obviously, my rushing around is felt, and I was reminded that I clearly need to slow down. So these past few days, I have been intentionally paying attention to my actions. Am I slowing down to hear what my children are telling me, am I giving them eye contact, am I bringing value to our conversations? Most importantly, am I telling my children they are loved and important without verbally saying it?

The same thing can happen in our relationship with God. Our time with the Lord is often "drive-thru" style instead of "dine in", and our prayers are often interrupted by other thoughts or distractions. Just like Martha, we get preoccupied with the busyness, and lose sight of the value of our time in the lives of those around us. But God is so good that he uses any and all circumstances to bring our attention back to Him and the things/people that are truly important. Let us choose to listen!

Suggested prayer: Dear God, please forgive me for all the times I don't give you my undivided attention. I struggle to quiet my mind, and ask that you help me focus on what is important. The cares of this world come and go, but the influence I have in the lives of others, especially the children you have given me, will impact them… please help this be a positive impact that will bring them closer to you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Luke 10:41-42 (NLT).

Today's Encounter was written by: Crystal B.

NOTE: If you would like to accept God's forgiveness for all your sins and His invitation for a full pardon Click on: http://www.actsweb.org/invitation.php. Or if you would like to re-commit your life to Jesus Christ, please click on http://www.actsweb.org/decision.php to note this.

Daily Encounter is published at no charge by ACTS International, a non-profit organization, and made possible through the donations of interested friends. Donations can be sent at: http://www.actscom.com

ACTS International P.O. Box 73545 San Clemente, California 92673-0119 U.S.A.

Phone: 949-940-9050 http://www.actsweb.org

Copyright (c) 2016 by ACTS International.

When copying or forwarding include the following: "Daily Encounter by Richard (Dick) Innes (c) 2005-2023 ACTS International

[natureflix]

Nature Therapy

As a person who lives his whole life in a city, I'm one of those people who craves nature.

Nature is a natural beauty that can positively impact our wellbeing. Whenever I have free time, I love to go sightseeing because it makes me feel free. When I'm stressed out, I usually go to the seaside to see the smooth waves and the beautiful sunset. This scenery always makes me realize that even though the sun goes down, it always goes back up. My last nature trip was a year ago, and it was an amazing trip because me and my family had a vacation in our hometown, which was located aside from a mountain. I enjoyed it because the people that live there are carefree, and it just feels like they don't have any problems with anything because they have nature by their side. It was also amazing to see different kinds of animals, and I also got to experience riding on the back of a carabao, but one thing I can't forget is how fresh the air is. There's no pollution, and whenever the air slaps into my face, it calms my mind, and it feels refreshing, like I'm bathing.

If I had been given a choice as to where I wanted to live, I would always pick nature because I want to have a connection with the natural world. As of today, our nature is slowly fading because of human activities. This aches me because, in the future, we humans will also suffer because of our wrongdoing. We have a responsibility to protect the environment, but we’re doing the opposite, which is slowly killing and destroying it for our own satisfaction.

Nature is the reason we can eat clean food, drink fresh water, and smell fresh air; without these all-living things on our planet, they will suffer and eventually disappear. We must take action because it’s now or never. In nature, we find a reminder of the beauty that life has to offer, and these remind us of the simple joy that life gives us, so we must take care of it before it disappears and we won’t experience and appreciate the beauty of it anymore.

“The earth does not belong to us; we belong to the earth."

Zander Stephen Oroña

BSBA-Marketing Management 3rd yr.

[ardn632-themanipulatedimage]

Artist Model Research

Alexander Neumann

Born and raised in Peru, Alexander Neumann had an artistic influence from his homeland and father whom was a painter and art collector, leaving a profound effect on his career as the influences became so natural to Nuewmann’s themes of colour and playful style that establishes the photographer today. Studying and developing the mixture of art, philosophy and communications as a background, he discovered his love for photography. 

Initially focusing on documentary and fine art photography, he sought creative challenges, thus moving to New York. Working with great influences along the way, his aesthetics and inspirations shifted closer to fashion and the vibrancy and elegance that his relaxed style and aura from his pieces create is a moulded reflection of his appreciation for all forms of art and honest authenticity. 

Shotview.com/artists/alexander-neumann

Chris Jordan

With a single image of compressed garbage pinned up on the wall of his studio, feeling such guilt and drive for a better tomorrow, Chris Jordan does his part of advocating a change, specifically in America’s prominent mass consumption of everything. 

Exposing shocking sights of mass consumption, the environmental photographer employs the aspects of near and far, hoping to “raise some questions about roles and responsibilities we each play as individuals in a collective that is increasingly enormous, incomprehensible and overwhelming.”

In one way or another, Jordan believes and reminds us through his eco-art and photo manipulation, that everyone is an activist in their own ways and feels that in order to change the world, radical change must happen, knowing that an artist can bring personal and emotional aspects to making an impact.

Each image he captures, tells of a statistical story that not only captivates viewers, but also holds shocking information that relates back to our treatment to the planet we’re living in.

I was quite moved and inspired by the words, “as an American consumer myself, I am in no position to finger wag; but I do know that when we reflect on a difficult question in the absence of an answer, our attention can turn inward, and in that space may exist the possibility of some evolution of thought or action. So my hope is that these photographs can serve as portals to a kind of cultural self-inquiry. It may not be the most comfortable terrain, but I have heard it said that in risking self-awareness, at least we know that we are awake.” Which makes me think about my image manipulations and how I also want to provoke audiences to see and do.

Dario Catellani

A self-taught photographer from Italy, Dario Catellani utilises his background in architecture and visual arts to dissect contemporary deliveries to images, which defines the unique visions of fashion photography. 

Expanding his portfolio to include fine art photography, portraiture and documentary photography, Catellani’s work typically features people in extraordinary scenes as his photographs depicts a foundational use of light and composition with his use of natural light that uses a dream-like aura in his images.

Juco

A lighting workshop at the San Francisco Art Institute is where Julia Galdo and Cody Cloud's Los Angeles-based company, JUCO, got its start. With their daring, colourful, character-driven work, they are now working hard to establish a reputation for themselves in the commercial and editorial worlds.

The two had a peculiar path to photography. While Cloud was introduced by a hobbyist family friend who would take him on picture trips on the weekends when he was in his late teens, Galdo was trained as a marine biologist and discovered she had a flair for the medium by accident after taking a few lessons for pleasure. He assisted fashion photographers after graduating, and she went on to work in advertising. Both of their experiences shaped the way they do business. Within the squad, "we each have our own strengths and weaknesses," they claim. "My background as an art director has taught me how to pitch and tell stories, whereas Cody is extremely technical and knows how to move around a set."

Their dynamic, character-driven approach is constantly turned up to the extreme and unmistakably influenced by Guy Bourdin's scorching colours, Tim Walker's surrealism edge, and a mash-up of individual inspirations from their background. We have a wide range of interests, including anything from roller rinks to cowboys to South Central [LA] airbrush culture to thrift shops. I learned a lot about the Latin ghetto-fabulous style growing up in South Beach. These exposures taken as a whole are crucial to our job. These ideas helped design eye-catching editorials for The New Yorker, Time, and Vogue that featured everyone from Tyler the Creator to Kim Kardashian.

[atomicwinnerdreamland]

That really is a lot, I appreciate it so much that you took the time to tell it all :) And I get what you mean, I've been where you are & I'm honestly still trying to make it out, so please know that you are not alone in your journey. Here's a hug! *hugs*

The constant exhaustion/fatigue & not feeling anything enjoyable about life... I feel you. Some days are just harder than others, and all we can really do is lie down and take some rest, which is perfectly okay :) Please don't ever get mad at yourself for needing and taking some time to relax, if you need it, then you need it. I do understand your frustration over being too tired to do anything anymore, but through that, you're acknowledging that you don't want to live the rest of your life like this. That is a great first step towards the happiness you deserve! I know you can get yourself out of the cycle of unmotivation. It may not feel like it, but you definitely can! You didn't get this far just to get this far, and I know you'll make it! Please keep going because you matter, and with all the strength you've shown as you battle all your battles, you are destined for greatness.

(And here's some advice that may help: Whenever you feel numb or unmotivated, you can watch super happy and heartwarming videos and/or listen to music that makes you feel happy! This next one's the step after acknowledging that you don't want to live the rest of your life unmotivated, which is to try to find something to do everyday that gets you to get your day started, whether that is to look at the pretty sunset that lets you know you got through another day, seeing people giggle and laugh over the small things, the opportunity to make someone else happy, anything really. What I do is whenever I need to get ready for something & I don't feel like it, I just tell myself that I promised that one dress and black boots that I'd wear them today 😅 Weird as it sounds, it helps. You could also say positively ominous things to yourself like "I will be happy. I cannot change it" or "I matter. It's non-negotiable." Again, it sounds weird, but it's a great way to remind yourself that you can do this :D

And lastly, try to remember the people you've helped & all the times you've done good things. You've personally helped me when I read the fic you wrote about Wyoming, so I know you've helped others as well without knowing it. Your existence truly makes an impact on people 😊)

Lastly, it's okay! You can put anything in your blog that you want to, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and if not, maybe I could help you somehow :D I'm glad my comment made you feel better by the way. Please know that I know you got this! You made it this far already so you can keep going, and before you know it, you're in a place of happiness :) It's hard to believe it rn, but your future self will admire and thank you for persevering through! Again, you got this!

Though this is pretty lengthy, I hope this helps you keep going. I hope today brings a smile to your face, you deserve it! <3

Hii! How have you been feeling? I've seen what you've been reblogging and I wanted to check up on you :)

Hii, you're really too kind my heart cannot take this (:

Honestly I kind of haven't really felt anything in a long time, but if I had to pin-point it to something I'd say I've been feeling pretty terrible if you get what I mean...like I can't find anything truly enjoyable in life anymore, even if I do have things that sometimes make me happy like wttt and all that, if you can understand what I mean. Also there's the constant fatigue all the time regardless of what I do and I just hate that I'm always tired. Like - there used to be so much that I wanted to do, but now I just don't feel like doing things since I can't bring myself to find the motivation for it and I hate myself for never doing anything and so on. Then that cycle just keeps repeating and I'm exhausted of life holding me down and I just don't want to keep on living while feeling either nothing at all or too much at once...and everything hurts all the time both physically and mentally so it kind of makes me wonder if anything is even worth all this pain.

I won't continue any further right now since it's not right of me to just emotionally dump on you out of the blue you were just checking in because of what I was reblogging. And as for that, it came on my dash with things I've liked before and recommendations; then it just resonated so I put it on my blog. But I didn't mean to trouble anyone with reblogging such stuff so I'm really sorry if I worried you or any such thing. Thanks for asking me though. Even if it feels a bit strange and new to have someone actually there, I did feel kind of better when I saw this; and I'm sorry it took me so long to answer, given that I've done nothing except lay in bed all day for most of this week.

You're awful sweet by the way ♥️♥️

[buckyownsmylife]

Girl That You Love - Bucky Barnes x Reader x Steve Rogers smut

The one where there's a threesome on a mission.

Warnings: smut, punishment, oral sex (m), dom!stucky, asphyxiation on dick, p in v, subspace, double penetration, anal, name-calling,  dacrophylia, threat of noncon?, but most likely cnc, references to suicidal behavior

Word count: 1.5k

A/N: this was requested a while ago. Thank you to the lovely @sinking-in-mercury​ for helping me make it better.

We barely made it inside the cabin when Steve’s voice reverberated on the wooden walls. “Kneel,” he ordered, and I turned around to find him staring at me with icy cold eyes I barely recognized as his.

I knew I had fucked up. The mission had been a disaster on all ends, but he didn’t care about his own mistakes at a time like this. We had an entire evening to kill before the quinjet could come pick us up, and I knew I’d have to suffer through a lot of punishment before the light of morning appeared again.

I heard fumbling behind me, but couldn’t find the courage I needed to look for Bucky. Steve was staring, waiting for me to follow his orders, and if I made it obvious that he wasn’t the only thing in my mind, I’d be in even deeper troubled waters.

And so I sank to my knees, sitting back on my legs as I made quick work of his suit’s pants to expose his gorgeous cock to me. No matter how long I was with them, the sight of their members would still frighten just as much as they excited me.

The head was red and throbbing, much like Steve’s temples as he waited for me to get on with it already. I wanted to look around for Bucky so badly, but I resisted the temptation as I leaned closer and engulfed his dick with my lips, making sure to keep my hands behind my back so I wouldn’t piss off my captain even further.

Any time Steve played the bad cop, James would be there to calm him down, counter each rough action with a sweet movement, and I missed that now. I wanted to feel his fingers massaging my scalp, his soft voice urging me to take Steve even deeper, to let him fuck my throat fully.

But he didn’t seem to be near us, and that scared me. The disappointed expression on his face when he saw just how narrowly I had escaped death in that old factory was all I could think about.

So I tried to focus on Steve and his pleasure. He wasn’t giving me any signs of it, knowing how much I enjoyed hearing his moans and grunts, but just the sight of his sculpted body paired with the taste of his skin was enough to have me dripping.

And that’s when I felt it. That familiar tingle up my spine, the rush of being watched by a predator. Bucky was near, I instinctively knew it before he even pulled me by my hair so I’d release Steve and leaned over me, devouring my lips in an upside-down kiss.

This wasn’t soft, or sweet, or even kind. It was a show of possession that invaded every part of my soul, leaving me soft and pliant under his fingers, exactly how he wanted me to be. I could only ever get this way when both of them had their hands on me.

Without any sort of preamble, he pushed me back onto Steve’s dick, gagging me against it with the help of the grip he had on my head. The sounds of my suffocation only had them laughing, and I was relieved when he relented and let go of the back of my neck, but that was only until I felt his hands gripping my ankles.

I knew what was coming before Steve’s hands held my chest. They’d done this before, but still, my heartbeat spiraled out of control once I was suspended in the air, mouth still filled with Steve’s cock when Bucky’s entered me from behind.

My desire skyrocketed. There was just something about the rush of adrenaline that being on these men’s hands caused me… It got to me every time.

I knew they’d never let me fall. But the uncertainty caused by the position was still there, and it just had me falling into subspace that much quicker.

They moved in silence, grunts barely audible as they each pulled me in different directions to use my body in search of their releases, knowing how much I loved to hear any sounds that escaped from them. By the time Steve finally pulled me off of his cock, pushing me into Bucky’s arms, who then turned me around so I could face him, there were tears and spit running down my face, yet I didn’t make any move to brush them off.

They liked it, and I didn’t want to do anything else to disappoint them today.

I felt Steve approach me from behind before I felt his fingers brushing the hair away from my back so he could deposit a kiss on one of my shoulders.

A soft gesture, gentle, even, but I couldn’t be fooled. I knew my boys too well by now. This was only the calm before the storm.

“I hope you’re ready, princess,” his tone putting an icy cast on the usually sweet pet name. “By the time we’re done with you, you won’t be able to walk for a week straight.”

I screamed as he penetrated my other hole, my head falling back on his shoulder as his hands took a hold of my hips laying over where Bucky’s already were holding. I’d taken both of them enough times to be able to handle being used like this, but the stretch and burn of being filled so completely never fully went away, regardless of how frantically they fucked me.

Bucky was watching my blissed out face with darkened eyes by the time I was able to open mine again, a dangerous smirk taking over his expression. I knew I wouldn’t like what he was going to say.

“You know she enjoys this,” he addressed Steve, although his gaze remained on me, “the little whore.” The comment felt like a slap to the face, I was never used to hearing them address me as anything other than the loveliest pet names.

Except in times like these. Times when I disappointed them, made their stomachs churn with fear and angst, thinking I’d left them for good, thinking I was dead.

Was it weird that I silently thrived on it? Bucky wasn’t wrong. I loved when they treated me like this, like I was disposable, used me for their pleasures without caring about how it would impact me.

Ironically, it only ever happened when they were reminded of how much they couldn’t live without me.

“Just like she enjoys making us suffer,” Bucky continued, nothing but spite and anger in his gaze and tone. “Making us worry about her…” I yearned for a kiss, something soft in the midst of all of the roughness, even if I did love the roughness.

It was the beauty of times like these - they made me cherish what I usually took for granted, what I could have at any time.

“What do we have to do to get you to learn, huh?” Steve’s hands around my neck as he breathed out the question against my skin had me releasing a loud moan - louder than I usually felt comfortable letting escape. However, we were all alone in this safe house, with no one to hear my delicious torture for miles and miles, and I knew my boys would take advantage of that.

“Do we have to make you cry?” Steve insisted, other hand sneaking around my body to circle my clit, making my thighs tremble as I did begin to cry, desperate for a release I knew they wouldn’t grant me. “Fuck you until you pass out and then continue to use you?”

The suggestion shouldn’t have made me so aroused, but it did. It did and they both knew it, so they continued, “So you’ll wake up covered in our cum, drowning in it, knowing that we took full advantage of this body that you’re so careless of?”

Punishment be damned, I came with a scream. As my walls contracted around them, I heard them curse, hips losing control as they too were brought to their releases because of me.

I whimpered when they both pulled away, hiding my face in Steve’s neck as he carried me in his arms to the bed we’d all have to share. I don’t think any of us minded the prospect, even if it wasn’t what the people who designed the safe house probably intended it for.

Two hands brushed the hair off my face as I was deposited on Bucky’s lap. Groggily, I struggled to open my eyes and focus on him after being fucked so brutally. “Sweetheart, pay attention to me.”

His tone didn’t leave space for any arguments.

“Will you promise to be good from now on?” He questioned. “Obey our orders?” But I was too out of it to answer them. At my innocent silence, Steve sighed, sitting by our side and grabbing my jaw so I’d look at him.

“Honey, we are so in love with you.” I sighed happily at the words, making him smile at my visible comfort around their presence. “And we need you here, with us. For as long as possible. So we need you to learn to be afraid of death. Okay?”

And as I considered not being in their arms right then, but in the cold, hard ground of the battlefield, bleeding out, I swear that I began to know that fear.

[jerzwriter]

Delaying the Inevitable - Chapter 27 - Bittersweet Symphony

Book: Open Heart 3 (Post Series)

Pairing: Tobias Carrick x MC, Ethan Ramsey x MC

Rating: Chapter: Teen

Summary: Extended Series WIP – Love Triangle. In this chapter, Casey & Ethan share a successful visit to DC. They meet Tobia’s uncle and Vivian, making her position very clear to her son’s former best friend. The former couple celebrates their victory by watching a beautiful sunset, reminding them of a particular, shared memory.

Category: Extended Series (WIP)

Warnings: Drinking, language

A/N: I promised to get this out by the end of the day on Sunday, but I’m a few minutes late. I hope you are OK with that! 😊Original Chapter 27 had to be broken in two, so part of what you might have been waiting for will occur in the next chapter.

A/N 2: Leaving the standard reminder from before break: This is a love triangle – that means Casey loves more than one person in this story. I’ve said it a million times, but here is a million and one. She won’t make her choice until the final chapter. So no, it’s not a foregone conclusion. And while Team Ethan, and Team Tobias, and Team God I’m Torn exist out there, there is only one that matters to me and that is Team Casey.

CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY STUDIOS

If you wish to be added or removed from tags, please let me know. Comments and reblogs always appreciated. 😊

SERIES MASTERLIST

“So, now that we are just five minutes away from our meeting, it’s the perfect time for me to ask you. On a scale of 1-10, how pissed off am I going to get in there?”

“On average, a 25,” Casey smiled.

“Wonderful. I have to admit, it blows my mind to see how comfortably you move in these circles.”

“Comfortably? Seriously, Ethan? I’m about to throw up right now. I don’t like this. I’m just doing what I feel is necessary.”

“Well, it looks like you have been accomplishing your goals. That’s what matters.”

“Now, when we get in there, our main goal is to ensure that Kenner stays on our side. Without his support, the bill is DOA.”

“How do you use that term so glibly given our profession, Case?”

“Maybe I am more comfortable here than I give myself credit for. But, as I was saying,” she smiled, “Perkins and Rivera are going to be the two that we really have to work on. They are adamant about seeing it get to the floor of Congress, and they have leverage. Kenner has other legislation he will need their support on in the not too distant future.”

“Got it. I’m just glad this is Congressional and not Senatorial at this point. If I ever see Farrugia again, I swear, I’d have no choice but take the man’s teeth out.”

“I thought those days were behind you, Ethan,” she smiled.

“Never in his case.”

Casey slid papers back into her attache as the car pulled up in front of the congressional offices. Ethan attempted to beat the driver to open Casey’s door to no avail.

“Well, it’s showtime!”

“Lead the way.”

____________________

The sheer size of the conference room was daunting in and of itself. But then factor in the dark mahogany walls, the marble floors that turned even a whisper into an echo, not to mention the eyes of dozens of long-dead Representatives peering down at the table… Casey was convinced that everything was explicitly designed to intimidate. Luckily for her, she had seen the inside of an emergency room during triage on more than one occasion. These people had no idea what intimidating was. She turned to her right, saw Ethan, and grinned to herself. There was nothing that was going to scare him either.

Rep. Kenner entered the room and buoyantly headed over to Casey.

“Dr. MacTavish, it’s wonderful to see you again!”

“Likewise! I’d like to introduce you to my colleague, Dr. Ethan Ramsey. He is the Director of Edenbrook’s Diagnostic Team.”

“Dr. Ramsey, it’s a pleasure to meet you, your work precedes you, and I’m delighted to have your voice here today.”

“Thank you for having us.”

“I’ve learned much about your team’s work, and it’s hard to escape the impact it has had on the lives of countless people.”

“Yes, it has. And if it is to continue, we need bureaucrats to stop putting the needs of their donors above the health of its citizens. I hope that’s clear to you.”

Casey shot Ethan a look over Rep. Kenner’s shoulder, and he immediately stopped speaking. Maybe he was right. She did know how to navigate here, at least a lot better than he did.

“Ethan,” she whispered as they returned to their seats, “did you ever hear the phrase you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar? Bring the grandstanding and intimidation for the debate, not the introduction! Way to set the tone.”

He exhaled a contrite sigh, “Perhaps I’m not cut out for this.”

“You’ll do fine. Just save the pitbull for with the pitbull is needed. Just follow my lead.”

Reps. Perkins and Rivera entered and sat directly at the table, giving perfunctory nods in Casey and Ethan’s direction.

“Good Morning,” Rep. Rivera started, “Before we begin, I’d like to thank you for making an effort to come here today and for your time. But I should warn that I have a hard stop at 10:15, so we should keep things brief and to the point.”

“Thank you for making the time as well,” Casey acknowledged, “we will certainly stay to the point, but we should remember, we are here to discuss the health and well-being of every citizen in our nation, of every one of your constituents, so it’s a matter we should not take lightly. If at the end of the meeting, we have not made satisfactory progress, I would suggest we set up an additional meeting before wrapping up.”

Rep. Perkins chortled, “Don’t they need you to care for patients in Boston, Dr. MacTavish? It seems you have ample time to travel to DC?”

She fixed her eyes on him, a slightly sardonic grin on her face. “I assure you, the needs of my patients are always at the forefront of my thoughts and actions. I assure you others are willing to pitch in so that I can be here today.”

“I think you’ll find Dr. MacTavish is not one to be deterred,” Rep. Kenner cautioned.

“Hmm,” Perkins continued, “Seated to my right is Dr. Boyston. He is the retired Chief of Medicine at Houston Methodist, and he currently serves as the medical advisor. We felt he’d be an important part of today’s discussion as well.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Dr. Boyston,” Casey nodded.

“I can let him speak to this more, but it is Dr. Boyston’s opinion that our proposed legislation would lead to an increase of availability of medical care to those in need. He has provided substantial data, which has been provided to you for review. How do you counter those claims?”

“We have had a chance to review the data, and even upon reinspection, we don’t see how it adds up,” Ethan challenged. “Taking funds from programs that have been proven successful in providing healthcare resources to the most vulnerable in our society and providing it to medical conglomerates that are already making record profits, how does this help anyone other than shareholders?”

“By giving them the resources, hire the staff needed to tend to their business needs, so they can remain profitable while extending care to those who are in need more efficiently, it’s been done at several hospitals in my area.”

Casey shook her head, “I respectfully disagree. I have looked at the data of the programs you point to, and on average, they serve 40-60% fewer patients than programs like the one we offer in Edenbrook. You would be giving money to for-profit organizations, and, frankly, I don’t think their purposes are ever altruistic. The funding and taxation benefits from providing free and low-cost services allow the medical institutions to have units that solely focus on patient care. You’re suggesting that private businesses willingly give ample resources, cutting their own bottom line, to send healthcare workers into the non-profit sector? Even if they did, they would have autonomy from the hospital itself, so the mission of existing programs could be ignored. It doesn’t add up.”

“It does when the profits of said organizations will not be impacted by providing the services.”

“Except for when funding has been provided in the past, they have elected to begin stock-buybacks and other programs to further enrichen themselves while giving a small portion of the fund earmarked for care to the communities that need service. It’s unacceptable. And, I’ve had our counsel review this numerous times to confirm, there is nothing in this legislation that prevents them from doing that again.”

She turned to Rep. Kenner, “As we discussed in our meeting, Edenbrook along was able to increase patient care by 40% after the passage of current legislation. Other hospitals in Boston report similar numbers. We’re looking at tens of thousands of people served in our community alone. It’s a proven success, and we should be looking to expand, not curtail it.”

Rep. Rivera practically sneered when she replied, “Dr. MacTavish, considering that your program relies heavily on the current funding to serve its patients, don’t you think you are a bit biased.”

Casey crossed her hands and straightened her back, an unwavering passion in her eyes. “Rep. Rivera, Dr. Ramsey is a world-renowned physician. I may not be there yet, but my credentials are impressive enough that either of us could easily find gainful employment elsewhere. We would not be personally impacted, but the people we see and the patients we have saved would be hurt. They may not survive if you push this forward.”

Ethan had already decided that he wasn’t even going to try to wipe the smirk off his face as Casey annihilated every speaker who attempted to shut her down. He knew she was a badass doctor who always put her patients first, but watching the impassioned way she fought now, he had a new level of respect for her.

The meeting progressed, and at 10:15, Rep. Kenner insisted they carry on until 11:30 as planned, noting that his colleague's constituents might not take kindly to limiting their time on an essential issue to them in favor of meeting with wealthy donors. Casey was reasonably convinced that Kenner remained on her side by the time it ended, but already learning how things worked here, she knew backing down was not an option. She and Ethan had a long list of meetings to attend that afternoon in the hopes of swaying others, just in case the legislation made it to the floor.

“You were mind-blowing in there!” Ethan simply glowed over how impressed he was with Casey as they stepped out into the crowded hallway.

“I was just speaking the truth.”

“But you spoke it eloquently, forcefully, you backed it, and you gave a voice to those who do not have a seat at the table. Casey, please, I’ve seen you sell yourself short time and again, and I am not allowing you to do it now.”

She decided to simply accept the compliment, especially since she was rather proud of herself at the moment.

“Thank you, Ethan. You’re still the reason I went into medicine in the first place, so that means a lot coming from you.”

“Well, then I’ve done something right,” he smiled. “I knew from day one what you had the potential to become. No matter what, I’m forever grateful to have played a part in your becoming the doctor you’re meant to be.”

She reached out and gently squeezed his wrist. “Thank you.”

Her head spun to the right when she heard a commotion coming from down the hall. She couldn’t help but chuckle when she saw the cause.

“Well, here comes trouble.”

She had only known Vivian a short time, but she already felt like home to Casey. As she watched her push her way through the crowd, she eagerly awaited her embrace. She knew it would be all that she needed to celebrate and to help her wind down… and she was right.

“Casey! My sweet, sweet girl!” Vivian pulled Casey tightly against her chest. “I knew that you were outstanding in every possible way from the moment I laid eyes on you. I hope you know that. But today, I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am today!“

Casey swayed back and forth in Vivian’s exuberant embrace. With the exception of a hug from her own mother or Tobias, nothing felt better. She was about to speak when she felt Vivian’s arms go slack.

“Ethan,” Vivian declared. “How lovely to see you again.”

Mrs. Carrick had years of practice at playing the game, so feigning pleasantries came easy to her. The casual observer would see nothing amiss. But Casey had become closer to her than most, and she could see the façade that was in place, which is why the following words startled her.

“I am treating Casey to lunch at The Lafayette. It would be wonderful if you could join us! Can you?”

Casey’s eyes widened, but Ethan remained unphased. Internally, he deliberated. A lunch with Vivian and Casey did not sound appealing in the least bit. He was certain Vivian would wax poetic about Casey and Tobias, watch his every move, and report back to her son within ten minutes of their departure. But for some reason, he found himself compelled to say yes.

“You know what, Vivian, I’d love to.”

Casey’s heart almost stopped. Every conversation she ever had with Vivan was punctuated at some point with a discussion about her and Tobias’s impending nuptials, and that was before they were a couple. While Ethan was acutely aware they were together, she tried not to rub it in, and she didn’t know how this would turn out. As she stepped sat down to the well-appointed table, she simply hoped for the best.

“I’m so glad you decided to join us, Ethan,” Vivian smiled. “It is well over a decade since we had the chance to do this.”

“I suppose it is.”

“And under such wonderful circumstances! My sources have informed me that your meeting today was a huge success!”

“Your sources? We just left. How soon did they contact you?”

“While you were still inside the room.”

“Dear God, Vivian. Do you have people everywhere?”

Vivian tapped Casey’s hand and grinned, “Stick with me, child. I’ll teach you everything.”

Ethan beamed in Casey’s direction. “While I’m sure you have plenty you can share, Casey is a very quick study. She was mesmerizing in there today.”

Vivan raised her glass of wine to her lips and studied Ethan carefully, noting the way he gazed at Casey. She turned her Casey and was pleased to find her fixated on her lunch, seemingly unaware.

“Well, I, for one, am not the least bit surprised. I mean it, I know from the moment I met you in Tobias’s apartment that you were one of a kind, Casey. I’m glad to see my son had the good sense to see it himself. If only he had the good sense to join you here today. Sometimes I do not understand that man. He holds the keys to so many doors in his hand; why not use them? “ She shook her in lament, “ I’m just happy to see you take an interest. I’m more than happy to use whatever influence I have to help you get to the table. Maybe you’ll rub off on him.”

“Vivian, I’m sure Tobias has his reasons. He’s a wonderful doctor, but not everyone wants to take this route.”

“But you see the importance.”

“I do. And I speak for many others, including Tobias, while I’m here, but I wouldn’t dream of forcing him to do something he doesn’t wish to.”

“Not to mention that if he did it begrudgingly, it would be bound to show. If he doesn’t want to do it, it’s for the best that he doesn’t,” Ethan added.

“Well, I’m glad something sparked your interest to get involved, Ethan. Your voice will hold a lot of weight. It’s hard to believe how much you have accomplished since the last we met. You must be very proud of yourself.”

“I’m proud of the work I’ve been able to accomplish, with the assistance of my team, of course. I’m lucky to have each of them aboard.”

“Well, I certainly won’t deny that. I was happy to hear that you and my son had buried the hatchet, not only because you were working together, but too many years had gone by. You’ve both grown, matured… it was the right thing to do.”

Ethan offered a cursory smile. “It’s nice to have a stabilized relationship, especially since we work so closely together.”

“Is it difficult? I’m sure the dynamics between the three of you can’t always be easy, now, can it?”

Casey choked on her water.

“Ehhm,” she coughed, “Vivian, we all get along just fine, just fine, there is really no reason to….”

“I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, dear. I’ll stop. It’s just we’re all adults, and there is no need to ignore the obvious.”

“We’re all professionals, Vivian. Our patients will always be our primary focus, and other things cannot get in the way of that.”

“That’s wonderful to know.”

Casey fidgeted nervously with her napkin. “Uhm, if you don’t mind, I’m going to use the restroom. Vivian, would you like to join me?”

“No, I’m good, darling. But you go ahead. Ethan and I will be happy to keep each other company until you return.”

Vivan eyed Casey as she left, waiting until she was a good distance away before turning to Ethan.

“Ethan. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

“It takes quite a bit to make me uncomfortable, Vivian. If you remember me at all, you should know that.”

“Of course.” A brief silence fell over the table before she continued. “You know, they are quite happy together. You do know that.”

“Excuse me?”

“Tobias and Casey. They are very happy together.”

“I know they are together, Vivian. Beyond that, it’s really none of my concern.”

“Ethan, you know that I am not a woman who likes to mince words, and I also have exceptional vision despite my advancing age. I know there is history between the two of you, and I can see the way that your eyes light up every time you look in her direction. And while I don’t like the idea of you being hurt, I will remind you very clearly, if necessary, that she is elsewhere now.”

“Vivian,” Ethan quipped, “I’m painfully aware, every day, that Casey has moved on. And since I have the great pleasure of having Tobias on my team as well, I have a front-row seat to their blooming romance. I don’t need you to remind me of my place in all of it. I know where I sit.”

“And where is that?”

He let out a sigh, “It’s in her past, Vivian. Her past.”

Vivian fell softly back into her seat, her demeanor softening slightly.

“I’m glad to see we are on the same page then. Ethan, when you and Tobias were in med school, I came to think of you as my own. Even after you had a falling out, I never wanted anything but the best for you. So, I don’t like intervening. I really don’t want to overstep here, and I know that I am. It’s just Tobias and his happiness, they mean everything to me. It’ just comes with the territory.”

Ethan tilted his head and smirked sadly.

“I know Vivian. You’re just being a mother. I hope Tobias is smart enough to know how lucky he is to have that.”

Vivian leaned in toward him and gently touched his hand. “Ethan, I’m so sorry. I certainly didn’t mean to….”

“It’s all right, Vivian.”

“I just wish that things could have been….”

“Vivian?”

“William? William, is that you?”

A vivacious, well-dressed, older gentleman made his way over to the table. Vivian all but jumped from her seat to embrace him.

“What are you doing here? The last I heard, you were going to be staying on Fisher Island until the end of the winter?”

“Ah, it’s March. Winter is over as far as I’m concerned, though Audrey certainly disagrees, so she stayed behind.”

“You just can’t get away from this place, can you?” Vivian laughed.

“This city is my lifeblood, Vivian, you know that.”

“I sure do!”

He smiled down at the table, taking in Ethan and the empty seat alongside him.

“Well, where are my manners? William, this is Dr. Ethan Ramsey. I don’t know if you have met? He and Tobias were quite close back at Hopkins.”

“Ramsey,” He said, shaking his hand vigorously. “I do recall meeting you once or twice… probably when I swung by the townhouse to end a raucous party when Vivian and my brother were out of town.”

“That sounds about right. I vaguely, very vaguely, recall that myself.”

William let out a boisterous laugh.

“As well it should be! What is youth for if not youthful indiscretions! But, being in the field, of course, I’ve been aware of your work since that time, and I must tell you, I have berated my nephew on more than a few occasions for losing contact with you. I’m happy to hear through the grapevine that you have buried that hatchet.”

“Yes, to a degree. We enjoy a very beneficial working relationship.”

Casey smiled brightly as she returned to the table. “Well, apparently, you miss a minute, and you miss a lot in this town.”

“Oh, William!” Vivian beamed, “Please allow me to introduce you! This simply brilliant and gorgeous young woman is Dr. Casey MacTavish.”

“MacTavish?” He asked, raising an eyebrow, “The MacTavish I have been hearing so much about?”

“Well, that all depends,” she smirked, “are you hearing good things?”

William chuckled as he beckoned a waiter over to bring an extra chair. “Oh, I like you!” He grinned.

“She is the one you have been hearing about. Not only is she a gifted doctor, but she is also making quite the name for herself around here. She got Kenner to change his mind on the healthcare funding legislation. She is, in a word, perfection.”

“Vivian,” Casey moaned with her cheeks turning pink, “I am about as far from perfect as you can get, but thank you for the ringing endorsement all the same. And, I’m sorry, you are?”

“I am William. William Carrick. I am lucky enough to call this beautiful woman my sister-in-law.”

Casey’s eyes bulged as she placed her water back on the table. “Oh, so that would make you….”

“Tobias’s uncle….” Ethan interjected.

“Well, gosh, then, it’s very nice to meet you… I mean, not that it wasn’t before… it’s just….”

“Casey is Tobias’s girlfriend,” Vivian smiled.

“Frankly, I’m shocked she hasn’t told you all about me,” Casey winked at Vivian, “are you negligent in your duties.”

Everyone chuckled, with the exception of Ethan, though he did his best to feign a smile.

“Of course not, my dear! The one who is negligent in her duties as his wife, Audrey. She is the one I have been gushing to. I don’t get to talk to William nearly as often as I would like.”

“Well, in Audrey’s defense, she has told me that Vivian is all but planning a wedding, but I didn’t pay much attention. Now, I’m seeing that I should have. What on earth did my nephew do to snag someone like you? I dare say you’re out of his league.”

“William Carrick!” Vivian chided as she slapped his arm.

“I’m joking! Just joking, of course. But now I can report back to Audrey that Vivian was absolutely not exaggerating.”

“Well, thank you.”

“I’ve been hearing all about your work on the Hill. Impressive! I wish more doctors would take that initiative,” he and Vivian locked eyes. “It’s so important. I’m sure you know the medical field has always been our family’s business, so to speak. I’m semi-retired from practice, but I sit on the Board at GW. You may be new on the scene, but you’ve made quite a name for yourself already. Half the town loves that name, and the other half despise it. That means you’re doing something right.”

Vivian all but beamed with pride. “Casey is a force to be reckoned with. I knew it from the moment I met her.”

Casey rolled her eyes, “Not this again.”

“Oh, I know Vivian, dear, and I know she can be prone to….”

“Careful….”

“She can put quite a positive spin on things….”

“Better…”

“But from what I’ve heard, she may have actually undersold you.”

Ethan cleared his throat and brought himself back into the conversation. “Well, having had the pleasure of working with Dr. MacTavish for the past four years, I can honestly say she is one of the best physicians of her generation. I know her future will be whatever she wishes to make of it.”

Casey smiled gratefully as she and Ethan locked eyes. Vivian took note.

“Well, as lovely as all these accolades are, I’d be much more comfortable if we could change the conversation to something else.”

“Nonsense! In this town, you wear your accomplishments, Dr. MacTavish. You wear them like a peacock, and you make sure everyone knows.”

“Please, call me Casey….”

“She is family, William….”

“Well, not exactly,” Ethan interjected as all eyes turned to him.

“If my nephew has any good sense, she will be. You’d make quite an addition to the Carrick legacy, young lady.”

“Well, um, I’m just trying to do what I think is right, what I believe in….”

“And that is all you should be worrying about, Casey,” Ethan smiled. “Now, as lovely as this is, we are due back for meetings in thirty minutes.”

“Oh, God! Yes, I want to get there early. The halls of Congress are a bit confusing.”

“They are now,” William laughed, “you’re going to know them like the palm of your hand in no time, Casey. I’m willing to bet on it!”

“Well, we’ll see what the future holds,” she smiled.

“Oh, come here before you go!” Vivian pulled Casey into a tight embrace, “Oh, my girl, it is so good seeing you. I wish you would have stayed at the townhome with me tonight!”

“I appreciated the offer, but we have such an early flight, I wouldn’t want to be a bother. But I’m sure I will see you soon.”

“I hope so. And bring that no-good son of mine with you!”

“I’ll do my damndest.”

Ethan and Casey said their goodbyes and headed outside to their waiting cab.

Vivian fell back into her seat, grinning from ear to ear as she ordered another glass of wine.

“I haven’t seen you this happy in a good long time,” William joked.

“Oh? I am always happy! You know that, dear. But seeing you is such a lovely surprise, and I’m delighted that you got to meet Casey!”

“I’ll admit it, I’m impressed. I’m not exaggerating. Everyone has been talking about her. I had no idea she was dating Tobias. Are they serious?”

“She’s living with him. If you had been here for my holiday party, you could have seen them in action yourself.”

“All in due time,” he chuckled, “You know, if they were to come down here… we’d snag her up at GW in an instant, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see her get better offers. As for Tobias, you know he can name his title anytime he wants. Do you see him even considering it?”

“In the past, I’d say no chance, but love can make a man do unexpected things. Let’s see how it plays out.”

“If it’s all right with you, I think I’ll reach out to her. Not just as my future niece-in-law,” he winked, “but in a professional capacity. I think there is a conversation to be had there.”

Vivian smiled, “By all means, William. By all means.”

____________________

It was freezing cold as the sun began to set, which was precisely why Casey was there, sitting on a plush blanket spread over the frozen grass. DC had always been one of her favorite cities, and there was nothing like the sunset on the National Mall. She and Tobias weren’t able to take it in when they had visited for Vivian’s party a couple months back, and there was no way she was letting two trips to pass without seeing it. If it meant wrapping a fleece blanket around her hooded parka to watch it, well, then that was what she was going to do. She saw Ethan’s figure emerging from the shadows, a bottle of champagne and two glasses in his hands.

“What is that?”

“You know what it is, Casey. Normally I’d say it’s for a celebration, which is certainly in order; but, given the circumstances, I’m hoping it can serve double duty. Perhaps providing us with a little warmth so we don’t freeze to death out here.”

“You exaggerate! But hey, are you going to pour that or what.”

“Ah, so you are a little cold after all?”

“If I was cold, I would reach for my coffee thermos. But right now, I want to celebrate!”

Ethan smiled as he handed Casey a flute of champagne, lifting his up to offer a toast.

“To Casey MacTavish, a doctor who truly understands the meaning of… whatever it takes. I’m so proud of you.”

He clinked his glass against hers and went to take a sip, but she placed her hand on his arm, preventing the glass from reaching his lips.

“Hey, I wasn’t in there alone. You’re a part of this win too. So, let's edit that toast. To two doctors who will do whatever it takes.”

Ethan smiled as their glasses touched again.

“Well, I was merely here to amplify what you already stated. You took the initiative and set the stage. You convinced Kenner, which is the only reason we were even here today. So, if you’re kind enough to throw a crumb my way, I’ll graciously accept. But the legislation is now officially dead, and we have one person to thank for that, and it’s you.”

“Ethan, stop, I’m by far….”

Ethan’s phone chimed loudly. “Oh, it’s Dr. Reynolds. I have to take this, do you mind?”

“No, of course not.”

Ethan stepped away to take his call, and Casey stuffed her gloved hands into three different coat pockets before she found the one that held her phone. It had been a long day, and it was the first she thought to check it. She hadn’t spoken to Tobias at all, and she was anxious to fill him in, even if it meant exposing her bare hands to the cold to do so. She smiled as she dialed his number and hit send.

“No!”

Everyone always chided her about letting her battery get too low, but did she listen? Of course not. She sighed but figured she’d be back in the warmth and comfort of her room soon enough, she’d call him then. Ethan returned and noticed the change in her demeanor.

“Is everything OK?” He asked as he sat back down on the blanket.

“Yeah, I was just going to call Tobias, but my phone is dead.”

“Oh, so you mean using it when it’s on 10% and neglecting to charge it when I remind you is a bad idea after all?”

Her eyes darted at him from under her fur-trimmed hood.

“Shut up.”

She rolled her eyes as a mirthful grin appeared on his face.

“It’s a big day for you, so I’ll cut you a break.” He took his phone from his pocket and offered it to her, “Would you like to use my phone to call him?”

She looked at her watch. “It’s almost seven and he’s still at work, it can wait until I am back at the hotel, but thank you for offering.”

Ethan turned his head toward the sky to take in the pink and purple hues that were quickly melding to form a dark sky around the Washington Monument. It was such a beautiful sight, he began to understand why Casey found it acceptable the cold night to watch it. They sat in silence, until a strong wind gust turned things even icier.

“Oooohhhh, that’s cold!” Casey squealed, “I know you’re a real sport staying here and watching this with me, but if you want, we could head back. I really don’t want to torture you.”

“Are you whimping out, MacTavish?”

“No! I’m merely thinking of you!”

“Well, I committed to watching the sunset on the Mall, and since the sun hasn’t completely set, I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re a brave man, Ramsey.”

“One person’s bravery is another’s insanity.”

“Well, I already know you’re insane,” she laughed.

“I can see why you wanted to do this. It’s so beautiful. For all the times I came to DC during med school, I never stopped to do this, and now, I wonder why I didn’t.”

Casey tilted her head, “You’ve never really been a stop to enjoy the sunset kind of guy, Ethan, but you probably should be. I know it sounds corny, but these little moments can end up being some of the best of your life.”

A melancholy look came to his face. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”

He gazed up to the forming stars and took a deep breath. He began to speak, hesitated, and then surrendered.

“The last time I watched a spectacular sunset like this was with you too,” he muttered sadly.

Casey felt her body stiffen at his words; and, even though she was piled in many layers for warmth, it was clear that she was holding her breath. When her voice emerged, it was so soft that the slightest breeze would have rendered it inaudible.

“Hawaii?”

“Yes, Hawaii,” he frowned. “It’s hard to believe that was almost a year ago now.”

“Exactly one year next Sunday.”

His brows knit as he turned in her direction.

“You remember the date? Well, of course, it was right after Inez’s wedding, so….”

“That’s not why I remember it, Ethan.”

“Oh.”

Casey closed her eyes as they sat in silence, both recalling the same memory. The two of them, strolling hand in hand on an idyllic Hawaiian beach, the stars sprinkled above as soft surf lapped at their feet. Without warning, Ethan spun her toward him and confessed what he had fought for so long… he loved her, she was his soul mate, and he wanted them to build a future. She knew he had felt that way for a long time, they both did, but he was finally able to admit it to himself and share it with her and the world. Elated, she fell into his arms, and from that moment forth, they were one… or so she thought.

“So much has changed in the span of a year, sometimes it’s hard for me to process. It’s almost like… I feel like I’m an actress who has played so many different roles, and they’re all me, they’re all connected, but at the same time, none of them are the alike.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m rambling. I’m sure I’m not making any sense, I…” she began to stand up, ready to leave the conversation behind, but Ethan was unwilling to let it go.

“No. Clearly, it meant something to you, and, if you’re willing to share it with me, I want to know… to understand.”

“It’s just that… a year ago, I hadn’t even passed the boards yet. I had no idea where I’d be after my residency ended, and in a million years, I would not have predicted that it would be here. I mean, DC, meetings with members of Congress, trying to impact policy, that certainly didn’t sound like me, did it?”

“Actually, it sounds more like you than you probably know. You were always stood up for what you believed in, stood up for the underdog. You’re using your knowledge to help your patients and the broader patient. I’m not at all surprised, I’m not even surprised at how well you’re doing it. I just consider it an honor to bear witness.”

A tender smile came to her lips. “Thank you, Ethan.”

“I heard Kenner’s aid speaking to you.”

Her eyes startled. “You did?”

“Yes, I did. It’s OK,” he smiled, “you don’t have to be nervous.”

“Well, it’s wasn’t an offer. It is an opening for a discussion, no more than that.”

“Would you consider it?”

“What?”

“Would you consider taking a position here? Moving to DC?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I mean, that’s not what I do. I’m a doctor.”

“You’d still be a doctor, Casey; just like all the others working in these agencies and impacting policy are. You just have to decide where you’d be happiest, where you feel you could have the greatest impact. That’s all that matters.”

“Yeah, well… my life is in Boston. Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered that they think so highly of me, but... my life is in Boston.”

“Your life is in Boston right now. You’re not even thirty; your destiny is hardly sealed.”

They sat quietly and reflected when it dawned on him... if Casey were to follow this path, she wouldn’t just be leaving his team; she would be leaving his life.

Their situation was awkward, for sure, and in many ways, it would be better for both if they didn’t interact daily, but, selfishly, he didn’t want that to change. He had come to accept that there was no hope for a future between them, and he was beginning to let go of their shared past, but the thought of his world without her in it was too much to bear. Things weren’t ideal, but at least he still had her eyes, her smile, her beautiful laugh in his life. His heart sank at the thought of them being gone for good.

“I’d hate to see you go,” he muttered.

“What?”

“I would hate to see you go… but I want you to be happy. If you decide this would bring you happiness and fulfillment, then Casey, I hope you’ll do it.”

“You do?”

“Yes. I want what’s best for you,” he smiled. “Besides, I’m sure Vivian has already put a deposit on a home for you. It would likely be a very easy transition for you… and Tobias.”

A quiet settled between them as Casey reflected on how soft her foundation was after all. Once again, Ethan wondered if he had overstepped.

“I don’t think he’d want to. Tobias. You saw how he reacted to me coming here again. He didn’t even want to join me for the day… I get the feeling he wants to stay as far from DC as he can.”

“Have you talked about it?”

“No, we haven’t; it’s just a feeling.”

“Well, it would probably be a good idea to address it. But in the end, it’s your choice and yours alone. You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” she said bitterly, “my career. That’s all that matters, right?”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, nothing… it doesn’t matter. It’s not like I have been given a job offer. We’re putting a lot of carriages before a lot of horses here.”

“Well, a year ago, the thought of you being here would have sounded like nonsense, too. Who knows what a year could bring?”

“Yeah, the past one has sure been a doozy, hasn’t it?”

“It sure has,” he whispered.

She turned and sat facing him, their eyes met and he saw a vulnerability he hadn’t witnessed in a long time in her gaze.

“We would have been coming up on our first anniversary, you know.”

“No, we wouldn’t,” he sighed.

“Oh, well,” she chuckled wryly, “I guess you never expected to make it from the start then. A little warning there might have been helpful for me, Ramsey….”

“Casey,” he said, shaking his head. “That’s not what I meant. It’s just that... what you and I shared, it didn’t begin a year ago, it would have cheapened us to pretend it had. If I hadn't screwed things up, if we were still together, we'd have settled on a number, but we would have been celebrating much more than our first anniversary next week. That’s for sure.”

Ethan was surprised to find Casey’s eyes filled not with anger or hatred at his words, instead, he saw genuine sadness in them.

“Thank you,” she said, wiping a lone tear away, “thank you for saying that.”

“Casey, I’m sorry….”

“No, no, it’s fine. You know, since we have been… over… I have avoided you, I’ve been angry at you, indifferent to you, but I’ve never been honest with you. I hate what happened. I hate what you did. I hate what happened to you, and what it did to us. And I need you to understand that I do love Tobias, and I am happy today. I am not going to lie about that, not to appease you or anyone else, but…that doesn’t take away from what you and I shared.”

She reached forward and gently placed her gloved hand against the stubble on his cheek, and, even with the soft fabric separating their skin, his body trembled at her touch.

“I need you to know that despite how things ended, I would never trade a moment of what we shared. It is too precious to me, too much a part of who I am, and I just wanted you to know. I will always treasure… us.”

He placed his hand atop hers brought it to his lips. Holding it tenderly, he brushed a kiss along her knuckles before placing it gently back in her lap.

“Thank you, Casey.”

A million “what ifs…” floated in the air between them, more numerous than stars now scattered across the sky.

“There will never be a day that I don’t regret what I did to you, what I did to us. I am sorry, will never be enough.”

“I know,” she whispered.

“Do you think…” he halted, “no, never mind.”

“No, tell me. Do I think what?”

“Do you think if I had done what I should have... if I would have gone to therapy after Louise… like you, my Dad, Naveen,” he chuckled, “Tobias… everyone who cared about me begged me to do. Do you think we’d still be together?”

“Ethan, I…”

“I’m not asking you to say if you wish we were still together. I understand you’ve moved on, and that would be unfair to ask. But if I hadn’t screwed up… do you think…. do you think we’d be together today.”

Casey clenched her eyes shut and nodded.

“Without a doubt, without a doubt.”

Dropping her forehead into her gloved hands, she began to sob softly.

“I’m sorry, Ethan, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Casey, no.” He instinctively pulled her into a hug, and she did not resist. “You’re not hurting me. You never did. I hurt myself, and worse, I nearly destroyed you.”

His voice cracked and they held each other closer, both of them with tears spilling freely.

“But I don’t want to cause you any pain,” she cried. “I didn’t fall in love with Tobias to hurt you, or to spite you, but I know it has to be so hard. It would probably be better for you if you never had to see me, never had to see him again….”

“No. No Casey. As difficult as it is… if I never saw you again…,” he swallowed as his voice trailed off, and then, with a slight chuckle, he continued. “Even Tobias. I’ll kill you if you ever tell him, but I wouldn’t want him gone from my life forever either. I made a huge mess, and the fact that all of us are existing in it as well as we are... it says a lot.”

Casey nodded sadly and lowered her head once again. Ethan reached out and touched her chin, nudging her to look up at him.

“Casey?”

“Yes.”

“Promise me, promise me that you will never apologize to me for being happy. OK? I have to learn to live with the reality of what things are. And I have to accept that it’s no one's fault but my own. If Tobias makes you happy, if you make each other happy, then that’s what I want for both of you. I mean that.”

“OK,” she cried, “But I want you to be happy too.”

“I will be, Casey,” he sighed, “I will be.”

Leaning on his shoulder, and they remained together in comfortable silence until they both felt a calm settle between them. For the first time since their split, they were at peace with one another.

“Thank you, Case, for everything.”

She clutched him close, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek.

“Well, sunset is definitely over, and it’s cold. Shall we head back?”

“We shall,” she smiled. “I guess you should call the Uber since, you know, dead phone?”

“Yeah, I’ll handle it.”

“And when you’re done… maybe I should call T… it is late and….”

“As soon as I’m done,” he smiled.

____________________

He rolled his eyes as he watched her make a beeline in his direction. He looked to his sides but, nope, there was no way to make an escape.

“Go away, Floria,” he groaned before she was within a foot of him.

“Oh, trust me, Carrick, I’m as enthused about seeing you as you are about seeing me.”

“But I avoid you like the plague, yet here you are.”

“Have you heard from her today?”

“Who?”

“Your fairy fucking godmother, Tobias. Who else?”

“No. I haven’t. I’m sure she’s busy.”

“It’s 8:30 at night. What could she be busy doing now?”

“Plenty of things. Are we done?”

Floria rolled her eyes. “For someone so smart, it amazes me how stupid you can be. Why on earth wouldn’t she call you all day. You would think she’d want to at least share how….”

Tobias’s phone rang and Floria was at his shoulder.

“Ethan?” she asked, perplexed.

Tobias shooed her away and answered his phone. “Ethan, what’s up? Everything OK?”

“Hey, baby, it’s me.”

“Oh, Case, why are you on Ethan’s phone? You OK?”

“Yeah, yeah, fine, I just didn’t….”

“You didn’t charge your battery when you should have,” he smiled.

“Stop mocking me! I can feel it even over the phone.”

“Well,” he grinned, “you can’t make me do that, baby. Are you still out?”

“Yeah, we’re heading back to the hotel now.”

“So, how did things go?”

“Oh, hon! Thing went wonderfully! It’s over. It doesn’t even have enough sponsorship to get to the floor. So we won!”

“No, baby, you won. I’m so proud of you.”

“Yep! I’m proud of myself, too. But now, I’m going to get them to increase funding if it kills me,” she giggled.

Tobias stiffened just a bit, “Yeah. Yeah… well, I’m sure you can get them to do that if you try.”

“Well, baby, the Uber is here, so I’m going to go. I’ll call you. I’m in my room and charge my phone, OK?”

“OK, Princess. I love you. I miss you.”

“Love and miss you too,” she said quietly. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

Tobias turned around, forgetting that Floria was standing watching him like a hawk. He rolled his eyes.

“For Christ’s sake, Floria, what do you want?”

“So?”

“So what? I’m not sharing a private conversation between my girlfriend and me with you. Take a hike.”

“Look, Tobias, it’s late. I’m tired. We both have people we care about that we have to pick up early at the airport tomorrow. I’m not going to get into it with you….”

“Good!” He said abruptly, “Bye then.”

“Tobias, I’m just saying, be careful. You’re being far too easy-going about those two spending so much time together. If she goes to DC again… GO with her.”

“I’ve heard enough of that from my mother,” he muttered under his breath.

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing…” he noticed her phone ringing and stretched his neck over to see who was calling. “Oh, look at that. Ethan is calling you. Now I’m off the hook. Night Floria!”

He walked away quickly, mockingly waving his hands behind him. But when he took the corner, he leaned back against the wall and let out a sigh. He looked at his watch. He’d be picking Casey up at Logan in just 9 hours. It couldn’t get here quick enough.

Permatags: @barbean @binny1985 @bluebelle08 @bluerosesbloom @brokenmemoriesblog @charisworld @chemist-ana @cokesbetterthanpepsi @crazy-loca-blog @custaroonie @everybodyscreamsposts @genevievemd @icecoffee90 @jamespotterthefirst @jennieausten @kachrisberry @kalinahonore @lady-calypso @liaromancewriter @mia143 @mjlbwork @mm2305 @phoenixrising308 @pixelberrygirl @potionsprefect @schnitzelbutterfingers @secretaryunpaid @shewillreadyou @shygirl4295 @socalwriterbee @thegreentwin @toadfrog26 @txemrn @wanderingamongthewildflowers

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

[skiyoosmi]

to the stars above | z.

featuring. zhongli (genshin impact)

genre. fluff, angst, smut, ancient-liyue!au

word count. 5.4k

marga's notes. aAAAa look look, it's my first commission!! school has kept me really occupied for like the past month but after pulling a few all-nighters, i've finally finished my responsibilities along with this little baby! once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you to my bubs @ramannnn for trusting me with this one <33

Nobody knows when the world began, how it came to be and why it continues to be. Even I, whose mind is filled with nothing but wonder for it, have no idea. One thing I am quite sure of... is how mine did.

It all started with him— a man of many titles, different identities yet at the end of the day, all these monikers are the same; it's all him. He adored Liyue more than anything else, knew it like the back of his hand. He went where the winds lead him, stayed where the moon shines upon him, stood where the golden sun kissed his skin. He found serenity in the walks he travels as he goes about his day, the sceneries his eyes take in and the calm sounds the nature resonates for him. And as if it was fate decided upon by the Celestia, it led him to me. Suddenly, my little world that used to be nothing became everything... quickly and all at once.

An exasperated sigh escapes from my lips, frustration and disappointment filling my whole being as I stare at the blank parchment paper I held in my hands. Another day was again wasted with no progress, I thought, mentally beating myself up for not being productive enough. Before I could further drown myself into such pessimistic ideas, I snap out of it and let my eyes cherish the view that lies ahead of me. Though I feel a little guilty for taking Vermeer's place, I can only whisper an apology with little to no sincerity. Because truly, nothing can beat the picturesque landscape of Luhua Pool— the crystal clear waters that would most probably reflect my face like a mirror if I were to ever look at it, the ruins that ignited the spark of curiosity within me, wondering about the pasts it holds and the stillness and feeling of peace it gives me as I sit in this cliff. Feeling somewhat a bit better, I place my things on top of the old bag I bring no matter where I go. There's always a better day for writing, I tell myself as a form of consolation, bringing my slim arms up to begin stretching. I've been sitting on this log for quite a long time now, after all.

"It seems like you are in a bit of a dilemma," a deep voice comments from behind me. Out of surprise, I lightly jump and turn my head towards the stranger. Right at that moment, it felt as if all the air circulating inside my body had been depleted. Captivating was an understatement as to how he appeared before me. With the sunlight striking his face and accenting his unique features further, he stood with his hands behind him, head tilted as he looked at me with interest, all while keeping his dignified posture.

"Oh, hello. I am afraid so, yes," I respond, or rather, mutter under my breath since I was not really used to having sudden encounters with other people, nor am I fond of it. I tend to keep to myself, finding it much more peaceful than having to tend to others' overbearing expectations and demands which is partly the reason why I chose to live in the outskirts, far from the center of Liyue that contrasts my comfortable abode, "I apologize. I failed to realize that somebody other than Vermeer liked to stay here," I told him, arching my eyebrows a little when he let out a breathy chuckle.

"Oh, you have no need for such formal apologies. I do not always go here, at least probably not as often as the man you call Vermeer. I was simply taking a walk and I think I got carried away by Liyue's view and eventually, my feet led me here," he explains, a hint of sheepishness present in his tone, "and I guess I'll have to thank my feet for that."

Because it led me to you, interesting one. For many years, it will remain unspoken, kept by the strange man to himself and unveiled once his heart gives up from the resistance he upholds.

For the following hours of lounging around Luhua Pool, I learned a lot about the stranger— he calls himself "Morax," and like the god of Liyue, he enjoyed history and is extremely knowledgeable about it, aspiring to know and understand everything of the world, he often brews tea, even going as far as inviting me once I am free from any form of work. Just as he shared facts about himself, I did too.

"So, Cheng, you said you have a bit of a dilemma?" he inquires, slightly angling his head towards the direction of the side I'm sitting on. I nod my head up and down, mouth forming into a small pout of disappointment as I remember that today has not been that progressive.

"Yes. I am trying to write a novel, you see. Something that will leave an impact on this world so that even if I may pass, I will still live on the memories of people," I tell him, an ambitious expression present on my face. He hums, eyes going over the terraces that make up the current view we have and the two huge statues standing by the ruins, "Why so?"

I pause for a moment to think of a reply, "I guess I just do not want to let someone alone in this cold world. Wouldn't that be too cruel and sad, to just leave them with nothing?"

If I'm able to write words that will provide comfort to my readers, then maybe... just maybe the world will be less lonely... even for just a little bit. At least, that's what I thought as silence consumed us, the sun setting as if to remind us that finally, another day is nearing its end. Now, what will tomorrow bring?

"Well then, I do hope I will be able to read at least some of your works at least once," he speaks as he stands up, lightly dusting away his clothes, "It certainly has been a pleasure to be your company, Cheng."

As he walks down the slope of the hill, his somewhat broad back facing me, I call out, "Will you be back?"

He stops and turns, a soft smile is plastered on his face as he responds, "Only time will tell."

But time was no friend of mine. At least that's what I have come to realize as many days passed without him returning to this place. Though maybe it's only because it almost felt as if time slowed down and I was only eager to see him again, something I have scolded myself to— what a fragile heart do I have to already seek a stranger's presence? That is what others call love at first sight, a devilish portion of my mind whispered cheekily within me and I gasped in disbelief, "Absolutely not," I lightly slap both of my cheeks, "I'm just too coped up in my own world. I probably need to go see more people."

That thought remains a simple yearning though because once again, I find myself lounging around the same spot in Luhua, a quiet hope ignited within me, fulfilled when I hear the familiar voice he adorns as he speaks, "You're here."

I release a sound that is between a giggle and a breathy chuckle, "And I see your feet had led you here once more?"

"They were curious, or should I say... I was," he explains as he takes a seat beside me, his posture remaining solid despite the uncomfortable position.

"Of what?" I ask.

"Of you," he simply replies, unaware of the sudden yet unsurprising effect it had on my heart that was already beating rapidly with just his mere presence. I try not to be so showy of it though, too embarrassed to even think of how fast I became fond of him.

But it was no wonder. After all, he himself was an interesting one; from the way he carries himself, the way he speaks, and the way he's just him... all and every action hold so much dignity that it just leaves me almost breathless and in awe every single time my eyes finds their way to his figure— and to think that this was just our second meeting? My mother would most probably let out the most shameless giggle as I tell her these thoughts, pushing me and teasing me like a normal person in their teens would. I shake my head to get out of these thoughts, listening to Morax as he tells another wonderful tale, almost making me think that he lived it himself with how he knew it, going over even with the smallest details.

"You know, Morax, you have such a good memory to remember all of those things despite simply hearing about it," I suddenly speak up in the midst of the silence that engulfed us while he tries to think of the next story to tell, "I hope I can stay in them too... in your memories, I mean. I know I am far from being the most interesting person but for some reason, I wish for that."

He pauses, eyes trailing slowly towards me, beyond my knowledge, before he lets out a somber smile. You already are, is another one of him that becomes an afterthought.

I heaved out a sigh before shaking my head again, "Ah! Why do I keep having such lonely thoughts? Forget about that. Please do not mind me, alright? I think I really need to stop being stuck in the mountains."

I pick up my small bag and shuffle inside it, letting out a quiet sound of 'aha!' as a sort of celebration when I successfully got a small book out, "Here."

He blinked his eyes in confusion, wondering what it was I handed to him so I spoke in delight, "You told me you wanted to read at least one of my works so, here. I am warning you though, it is not like the ones that sell best in the bookstores. It might bore you, or weird you out like what others say."

"What others say?"

"They say it's too unrealistic, too impossible... but I believe otherwise. We live in a world where gods and adepti watch over us. What makes my story impossible then?" I ponder, him still being confused.

"What is it about anyway?" He asks, having no idea of what the context my book had.

"It's about an archon who began living as a simple man in Liyue."

Our meetings became more frequent after that and eventually, we got comfortable with even just the presence of each other, having no need for long talks and such, but just peace. Today, like any other day, Morax was just reading the book I gave him, while I was thinking of what my next story would be about. Occasionally, he looks at me with an odd expression that is almost equivalent to astonishment, as if I have done something so great that it made him look at me that way.

"What made you think of this plot?" he asks all of a sudden, not forgetting to put a piece of paper that served as a bookmark on the page where he stopped just in case he accidentally closed it.

I hum, thinking about my answer to his question, "Hmm. Truth to be told, it was just a mere wonder for me. Archons and the adepti, although not entirely immortal, live so much longer than an average human does, watching over us as we go about our daily lives, waiting for sudden wars to break out and then fight the enemies that attack us. Growing up, those were the things that all the people around me told me. So I began to wonder, do they ever get tired? Is it not too taxing to keep on doing that? What if... they just lived with us, among the crowds? Because I think it is too lonely wherever they are. Would it not be better if they were with us, rather than above us, so they could at least have memories to live by?"

Morax does not give a response, or rather, he finds it difficult to find one. Still, it does not stop the affection that spreads within him. He does not say it out loud, but for someone who prefers to be alone, Cheng was full of empathy. And somehow, that did wonders to Morax's heart.

"Now that I think about it, I kind of actually want to address my books to them now," I hum once more, "It would be like a message for them: Do not be too lonely even if we pass. Because of your help, through these stories, we can show you that we lived a good life."

I huff as soon as I finish my sentence, "Although one of those who read it said that was impossible, because according to them, why would archons give up their power to live a life where there is only simplicity?"

Morax let out a sound that made it look as if he got offended himself, "Archons can do that, can they not?"

"I know! That was what I was saying to them. Anyway, I am not forcing them to like what I wrote. It's just a story, after all. It can do no harm," I shrug, beginning to fix my belongings as the sun began to set, "I should go now, Morax. It is still quite a long walk to my home."

"I want to live a good life too," he suddenly tells me, making me halt and turn to him in confusion, "With you. The good life and memories you shall tell in your stories, can I be part of them too?"

The universe does not stop for anyone, nor does time— science will consistently proclaim this fact matter what timeline we shall live in. No matter how much someone begs to the Celestia to grant their wish of controlling, or stopping time, no one will be able to do such things. But somehow, it seems like when it comes to him, everything is possible as I feel my world stop at his words, just like the way it also began when I met him. And as if planets were colliding with each other, I suddenly felt my heart crash upon him and as if out of instinct, I let go of the truth.

"Of course. It would be the greatest thing to have you."

Life was strange in its own way. That is what I have come to realize in this simple life of mine.

Despite the fact that the "me" of the previous year has never even thought about putting my whole being on my sleeve, it is pleasingly odd how right now, I find myself in this kind of situation with the man who swept me right under my feet and claimed my heart as his.

“You're cold," I whisper amidst the silence of the night in my abode, my index tracing the ears of the man who had me sitting right on his lap, the shorter strands of his silky hair tucked behind them. So, so alluring.

He takes hold of my wrist, planting a soft kiss on its side, all while maintaining eye contact as he quietly drawls, "Then I suppose you can keep me warm tonight. Will you?"

As if in a trance, I nod my head, letting him take the lead as he laid me down, back against the soft mattress, him following on top with his arms supporting his build. With arising confidence, I circle my arms around him and pull him down, bringing our lips together, a sigh of relief escaping both of our mouths as if to say, "Finally."

I wonder if he thinks the same way as I do— that this was Celestia in its own way. I felt like I could do anything as long as it was with him. The kiss felt like the power we once suppressed from each other became a supernova that changed our world's course all of a sudden. But despite the tension and heat we both emitted at the moment, there is a warmth that engulfs me the same time he fully wraps his arms around me.

I am here. I will always be here.

No noise disturbs the peace we have created, only the quiet sound of crickets reach our ears but even that fails to distract him from what he's doing. He gently tugs on the sash that keeps my coat tied. Nimble fingers explore the remains of my clothing, loosening all until I am set free from them.

His eyes raked over my body, an expression of awe plastered on his face for so long that it made me somewhat conscious. Because as he unravels his to me, I am enlightened by the fact that my figure is nothing worth comparing to his — not even close. A hint of sweat glints from his skin due to the moonlight, making him look even more ethereal. But who was I to complain?

So instead, I look down, fiddling a little with my fingers as I feel my cheeks heat up. How is it that I only realize now what kind of situation we are currently in? Before I further drown in such shameless thoughts, he lifts my head up by the chin, an amused look on his usually-gentle face, "Are you feeling shy, beloved?"

I meekly nodded, to which he lets out a soft laugh and whispers, "Don't be. You are the epitome of beauty itself. If you don't believe me, allow me to show you nothing but truth tonight, I swear under the moon and all these stars."

He dips down and captures my lips in a kiss once again with more passion, if it was still even possible.

"You are made for me, as I'm made for you," he proclaims as he thrusts inside me after minutes of preparation, soft pants and groans following his statements. I can only whimper in response, pain evident in my tone at first with my hands lightly clawing at his back. I pray to the heavens above that they don't leave awful marks after this.

He halts and utters an apology, thumb caressing the bone of my cheeks while he waits for me to adjust. He scans my face after a few seconds, relief flashing in his eyes when I nod for him to continue.

"I... b..." I try to speak out but the pleasure overwrites any sensical thought that goes through my mind. He slows down a little, looking over my face and smiles, urging me to talk.

"Stay with me, beloved. We still have all night," he tells me, encouraging me to voice what has been on my mind.

"I... I belong to you, always have and always will..." I manage to croak out, voice quite hoarse due to the sounds that I let out previously. Perhaps pleased with what I have proclaimed, he begins going even deeper and at the same moment, I begin falling deeper.

"Yes, yes, you do," he repeats like a mantra, his voice sounding more and more desperate to reach his high. I cry out with him, creating a harmony that even the best bards shall be ashamed.

It was a long night— the longest yet most beautiful night I have ever had in this simple life of mine. And in that moment, as we reach the stars together, I knew right there and then that this man is someone who will be etched in my heart for as long as I live, deep into its roots— for him, it shall beat and it shall love.

You, who are reading this, most probably have had enough of these teeth-rotting praises I kept on writing. But what can I do except to apologize? These words are the only ones that can flow out of my mind and mouth to show how magnificent it was to be loved by him.

Well, nothing significant really changed. He was still the same gentleman I met, if anything, more gentle. Just like in the beginning, he made my heart flutter every chance he gets, no matter how many years have already passed.

We built a dynasty together.

But maybe I should have known that ours were also bound to crumble like the ones that have long existed even way before us.

Days, months and years went on, I realized that he was actually the opposite of me— unlike me who was clearly not parallel with time, he held it right on the palms of his hand. I was not blind, nor was I a fool, I can clearly see how he looks like he has not aged a day, all while I was here, maturing more and more each second that passed by, the amount of signs of me aging increasing significantly.

Morax. Knowledgeable of history as if he lived it himself. Time. All these thoughts eventually congest my mind as realization dawns upon me. He was not merely a man named after the god himself— Morax was him, he was Morax.

"How appalling," I mutter with a hint of sadness and dismay in my tone. I stood in front of the mirror, fingers hovering over my face, wrinkles appearing as I scrunch it. A pair of firm arms snake its way around my lean waist, chin resting on one of my shoulders as he hums his words, "What has got your beautiful mind occupied, my beloved?"

Taking hold of his arms, I turn my body around to face him, a somewhat melancholic smile etched on my face as I look up at his much taller frame, "You are a sight to behold, even to this day." He arches one eyebrow out of amusement and curiosity, wondering why I suddenly started pouring him compliments. After all, my shyness prevents me from consistently doing so. Nonetheless, I continue speaking, "I wish... I could be with you even when everything changes into a whole new world."

I lifted a hand up to cup his cheeks and began rubbing it lovingly, a lone tear finally dropping from my eye as soon as I closed it, "but I cannot, I do not have the ability to do so... I am but a mere mortal, after all."

His eyes widen as he finally discerns my actions and concerns, immediately opening his mouth in hopes of consoling me but I beat him into speaking, "It's alright, Morax. I have been putting the pieces together for a while now. I am in no way angry. I just..." I pause, gulping hard before my lips start to quiver, "... I cannot imagine how lonely it must have been. And now... I think about it and I... I do not want to leave you alone again."

My cries eventually start becoming louder, something that is very new to the both of us, seeing as I have always been composed. Love can change a person into a whole new being. I remember a book I have read once and at the moment, I can only agree. Maybe it was the way my heart clenches at the mere thought of him walking alone, or the way I can imagine us taking our last breaths together yet I know that will never happen— but either way, it was painful.

He whispers sweet nothings to my ears, placing light kisses on my temple as he leads us to the bedroom to rest once my tears have finally ceased and I have calmed down. His hold on me gets tighter every time I let out a small hiccup due to crying, almost as if he was telling me that he was feeling the same pain as I was.

Hours pass by as we lay in silence. My tears have long dried up but we remain coped up in each other's arms.

"Would it not be interesting if you bear the name Zhongli?" I ask him in a somewhat croaky voice.

He peers down and tilts his head, "Now where did that thought come from?"

I shrug, or at least try to, and look up at the ceiling as we shift our positions to lay on our back, hands finding one another and intertwining, "Hmm... nowhere. Just a name I wanted to give you in case that you are needing a new one."

"Oh? How come it would be interesting then?"

I look at him with a comforting yet sad smile.

"Because it means it's time to leave, to go somewhere far away... and unfortunately, I will have to leave soon."

He furrowed his eyebrows together, "Do not say that. Who knows? Maybe you will be able to live a hundred years by my side. Besides, I think it sounds lonely. I do not think I would want to get reminded of the fact that you are not here with me."

I hum, "But if you bear the name I gave you, wouldn't it feel like I never went away? That no matter where your feet take you, no matter how far you go, I am and will always be with you, just as I have vowed."

The wooden door leading to my writing room slowly slides open and Morax's head peers in, an adorable smile plastered on his face, "You have been quite busy these days, beloved. I do not wish to disturb you but I am starting to long for your presence."

I let out a shameless giggle, "Alright, alright. Just let me write down a few more words while I still have ideas to input."

He peeks on the parchment paper out of curiosity, taken aback when he finds his name on it, "You are writing about us?"

I nod proudly, "My last piece."

"... But why?"

I smile and approach him, taking his hand and placing my forehead against his after he lowers his head down to my level, "I told you, did I not? I do not wish to leave the person I love with nothing. So that you will not be lonely, my words will be with you. I will be with you, always..."

"... and to tell the gods... to tell you, that I loved every second of my life with you— that it was, indeed, a good life."

"Who are you, young man? Are you my son?" I speak with a very hoarse voice, squinting my eyes at the figure in front of me, as if my poor vision will allow me to do that.

I hear a melancholic yet gentle sigh come from him before he takes my rough hands and looks afar, "Don't mind me. I'm just someone who vowed to be with you for as long as time lets us."

"Oh.... really? That’s quite endearing," I hum, "Well, may I know your name?"

"This… I think I may just have an idea to whom this book is for," Paimon trails off, looking over at the traveler who was in the same trance as her, "Paimon thinks we should let the strange person we saw a while ago give this directly to Zhongli!"

Lumine nods, turning around and starting to run towards the direction they were at previously, recalling the person named Cheng who gave them the novel they just finished reading. They were unique, dressed in layers of robes and it was almost as if they lived in the old times of Liyue. Even the way they talked and moved screamed ancient.

Just as they turned the corner, a woman near the Liuli Pavilion called them over, "Traveler! Here!" As they approach, Lumine cranes her neck to look around the area but to no avail, the strange person was long gone.

"Are you two alright?" the woman asks, much to their confusion, "I saw you talking to literal air awhile ago and I was worried you have eaten something strange."

The pair looks at each other in surprise before Paimon replies, "You didn't see anyone? Like a person dressed in the strangest attire? They dressed really anciently!"

The door of the Liuli Pavilion opens and there goes Zhongli, a calm expression morphing to an awkward one when he realizes he barged into an ongoing conversation. He apologizes for the disturbance and despite the curiosity he had upon overhearing bits of Paimon's statements, he starts his walk back to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. At least not until he hears Paimon call his name, "Zhongli! Wait! A person named Cheng. Do you know them?"

He abruptly stops and turns to the two, eyes wide for a second before it returns to his usual demeanor, "How... how do you know of them?"

"We met them," Paimon says, as if it was the simplest thing to do, "Well, honestly, we don't know because we were apparently speaking to nothing but air! It's so odd!"

He stays still, honestly having no idea of what response he should give them because he himself found it hard to believe.

"Well anyway, they asked us to give you this nov— wait, where is it? It was just in your hands a while ago, Traveler!"

In the midst of the loud chaos made by the two in the middle of Liyue, he thinks he knows what to do and where to go now.

It was the day of the Rite of Parting, an event where he's supposed to be taking part of, even just a part of the audience. But he finds himself hanging around the Wanwen Bookhouse, eyes scanning the shelves until it stops at a familiar name engraved on the cover of a book.

"Oh! Greetings, Mr. Zhongli! I see you took a liking to a very great and romantic novel," Jifang comments as she sees the book in his hands.

He looks at her, "Is it really great?"

She gasps in delight, "Yes, indeed! Almost all of the Liyue folks have enjoyed this story! You can say it is a classic, especially for readers! Cheng definitely outdid themselves with this one! Such a mysterious person yet equally amazing. Imagine? Being able to make such a beautiful love story with Morax? They don’t mention the present name they gave Morax though, such a shame. Maybe it was due to old age, they wrote it until the last moments of their life after all. Anyway, I have to get back to work but enjoy reading that masterpiece!"

He feels his heart swell in pride upon knowing his lover had his wish come true. His nimble fingers carefully open the pages of the book and hours later, as he sat inside the Funeral Parlor after taking the novel home, he finds himself absorbing each and every word Cheng have written, the loneliness sitting idly inside him subsiding little by little.

I found solace in the countless cups of tea you brew whenever I encounter distress with my works, the endless stories you tell with a smile so beautiful that not even the most heavenly scenery can vanquish, but most of them all, the feeling of your hand intertwining with mine, providing me with serenity no one else has ever done before. Under the moonlit night of Liyue, I remember your wistful amber eyes, staring deep into my soul as you proclaim your love and desire for me. How foolish was it of me to think that I could live this life without even experiencing such warmth and intimacy?

It is a banality, really — how I wish to become a well-known writer with unique tales and yet the story I am telling is something so common to folks that they have most probably heard similar ones before. But I guess this is what it means to love and to be loved. Everything is like a cycle that just keeps on being repeated, yet we never get tired of it, of the feelings it brings. So, thank you, Morax. Words will never be sufficient to show how grateful I am to you for showing me a whole new world but I suppose this is still a way for me to give back to you.

With this little book of mine, I hope my heart reaches yours regardless of how many eras may have passed before and after us. So, my beloved, do not be too lonely without me. Even if you find yourself longing for my presence, just open this and my heart shall be with you.

This belongs to you, it always will.

And I do, as well.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 314: ...Or You Live Long Enough to See Yourself Become the Villain

Previously on BnHA: Some random assholes were all “let’s throw exploding spears at All Might and see if it activates his Conqueror’s Haki” and SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKERS, IT DID!! Elsewhere, Lady Nagant confusingly tried to capture Deku alive by shooting him in the stomach, but to be fair I guess that’s what happens when you send an assassin to do a bounty hunter’s job, so yeah. Deku was all “ouch”, and then because this is a shounen he basically just straight up forgot about it, and did a big fancy Smokescreen thing, and then activated his mildly incomprehensible new ki-blasting quirk which he got from the Third. En and the Third were all “hey Deku maybe let’s not just impulsively activate all this shit in the heat of battle when you don’t know how to use it yet and you’re already injured,” and Deku was all “thanks for the quirks guys but I’ll take it from here” and snuck up on Nagant and grabbed her arm and so now what’s going to happen I wonder.

Today on BnHA: Nagant is all “[shoots Deku again]” because of course she is lol. Deku is all “tell me about AFO!” and Nagant is all “why would I tell you anything?” and then proceeds to tell him her entire life story which is FILLED WITH SO MUCH MURDER, YOU GUYS. Holy shit. So basically she was an assassin for the HPSC, which we already knew, but somehow it’s one thing to know that, and another to actually see her running around capping dudes in the forehead and being covered in more blood than the elevator from The Shining. Anyway, so you’ll never believe it, but all that murder had a negative impact on her psychologically, and eventually led her to question everything she believed about hero society, and so she killed her creepy boss and was promptly sent to Tartarus. This extremely fun chapter ends with Overhaul showing up all “HI, HELLO, I’M STILL HERE”, because for some reason he is still here. Why are you still here, Overhaul.

“the beautiful Lady Nagant” oh you know your audience don’t you Horikoshi

well all right then! so I’m guessing this means that she is not, in fact, going to roll over and die just because Deku’s out here all “GOT YA!” like they’re playing a game or tag or something. ffff may the manga gods have mercy on our young suicidal protagonist

lmao so Deku is all “GOD I’M SO SMART, WHAT A GOOD STRATEGY I HAD, CAPITOL JOB THERE OL’ CHAP, CAPITOL” and lol, okay. I mean, it was a good plan though. but I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop here

“I’ll make you give me information on All for One” well there you go, lol. Deku Angst arc still fully engaged. still no light in his eyes either of course. just a lil chaotic ball of sleep deprivation and rage

lol, fucking THANK YOU though

oh my god what the hell did she do to him lol

did she shoot him with her elbow??? fucking look at this?? THIS IS WHY WE LISTEN TO HAWKS oh my god Deku are you dead

WHAT’S HAPPENING, IS THIS GOOD OR BAD, WHO’S WINNING

things that I wish I could tell from this panel which I unfortunately cannot tell

did she stab him or shoot him?? can you imagine if it was the former lol. why does Horikoshi keep stabbing all my kids. look Kacchan now the two of you can match

did she actually hit him or did he get away??

or did she hit him and then he jumped away?? just, what

well anyway, so now Deku is asking her why she sided with AFO, but he seems a lot more pissed off than when he was interrogating Muscular, though. probably because she shot him three times. fair enough

oh my god

does Lady have a blog here on tumblr dot com?? -- does Horikoshi have a blog here on tumblr motherfucking dot com?? why do I suddenly feel like this man is out here sneakily reading up on all our discourse

oh my god Deku it’s almost like getting up close and personal with someone who can shoot custom bullets from any distance and any position with deadly accuracy was a terrible fucking idea

IF ONLY SOMEONE HAD WARNED YOU NOT TO ENGAGE WITH HER AT ALL COSTS. IF ONLY SOMEONE HAD HAD THE FORESIGHT TO DO THAT sob. can you imagine how much shorter this series would be if characters actually listened to Hawks. Hawks, and Momo. why do we even let anyone else run the show ever

OH MY GOD

DEKU, RUN

OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING

this looks a lot like what happens to me whenever I play One’s Justice. those fucking combo attacks that you can’t fucking escape from and so your character just has to stand there getting their ass whalloped repeatedly while you wonder why you paid $40 for this

but anyways though. so Lady who did you kill?? I bet they deserved it, don’t worry I forgive you

(ETA: ANYWAY SO FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT LADY NAGANT DID NOTHING WRONG EVER IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. aside from murdering all those innocent people and shit. but there were CIRCUMSTANCES, and THEY WERE EXTENUATING, OKAY.)

-- holy shit

looks like the HPSC arc is back on the menu boys

so are we about to learn that the HPSC was going full Hydra on people’s asses? secretly dispatching anyone they deemed a threat to society?? “taken care of” as in you fucking shot them??

so then was the “hero” she killed actually one of the guys who was giving or carrying out these orders?? holy shit Lady, up until now I’ve mainly just been stanning you for your flawless eyebrow game and metal af quirk, but this shit could actually get real very quickly, and I am prepared to genuinely and sincerely love the shit out of you depending on what we learn next about your backstory

oh my god?!?

so wait, hold up. am I reading this right?? basically the HPSC started murdering vigilantes because they were worried they were gaining too much of the public’s favor?? holy fucking shit???

oh my GOD oh my god

“it’s been a while since I scarred you all with the dead dog and the graphic slaughter of an entire innocent family, huh,” Horikoshi says thoughtfully. “anyway so what do you all think of my new creation, the Spaghetti Bullet.” well, Horikoshi, so you know that squished-up face that Kermit the Frog makes sometimes? yeah. that’s what I think, if you must know lol

holy hell the juxtaposition

I’m actually kind of surprised to learn she had a lot of fans? what with her M.O., I was expecting her to have been an underground hero like Aizawa, but apparently not? then again I still have absolutely no idea how any of that works. I really need to read Vigilantes already

oh snap

nothing like a sweet dose of assassin trauma to finally round out our BnHA Trauma Bingo!! well done guys, we finally collected all of the traumas! hooray!

noooo Ladyyyyyyy

holy shit what a fucking chapter. like, this man promised us an assassin, and went and fucking delivered. I was not expecting it to be this dark, lol, but holy shit I am here for it

you know, at some point you have to start questioning the logistics of this, though

I mean, how do I put this... her quirk isn’t exactly subtle. that murder scene from a few pages back looked like the first season of Dexter for fuck’s sake, that’s not exactly “disappearing” people now is it?? and I mean, her bullets are literally made from her own fucking hair; it seems like it would be impossible not to leave any evidence behind. did no one start to wonder who the fuck was going around murdering all these people? or did the people who asked too many questions wind up getting conveniently “disappeared” themselves??

and hey, speaking of asking too many questions

holy shit is he blackmailing her??!? or no, wait -- what the hell is he reaching for in his pocket boy you better not

(ETA: what exactly was this man expecting fdslkjd. “uh oh my unstoppable hair trigger assassin who is literally always armed is asking questions, better announce that I am going to shoot her and then reach into my pocket veeeeeery slowly while she stands there all of two feet away.” how did this guy ever function as the head of a shadow government with these decision-making skills, I’m genuinely baffled.)

OH MY GOD LADY YES

this. right here. is why “run the fuck away” was damn good solid fucking advice. oh shit. but my god did this dude have it coming

so wait lol has she just been narrating all of this out loud to Deku this entire time

okay but can we just stop for a moment and appreciate the fact that they’re having this deep conversation about the dark secrets of hero society right in the middle of their intense mid-air sniper free-for-all lol

holy shit you guys, Nagant’s the one that should have made the tell-all video. I mean, no offense to you, Dabi, I’m sure you worked very hard on your video and did a ton of crunches every day so that you would look good with your shirt off while you told the world all about how your dad was a jerk. but seriously...

this is already like 100x more convincing than what he put out. also, gasp, is it another flashback

yes it is oh my gosh

so the HPSC Chairladyperson whom ReDestro killed used to be this guy’s direct subordinate, huh? I wonder if she kept the whole assassin program going after she took over. can’t say I was feeling any particular kind of grieving way about her death before, but certainly not now lol

but unfortunately Nagant has finally lost me at the same place where all of the villains inevitably do, which is to say when they somehow make the dubious mental leap from “society sucks and is bad” to “let’s just be openly fucking evil lol, worth a shot.” because when heroes murder innocent people and cover it up, that’s obviously bad (and I mean, it absolutely fucking is lol, don’t get me wrong); but when villains murder innocent people straight up out in the open without giving a fuck, they’re righteous revolutionaries? just -- is there really no non-murdery middle ground here?? I guess that’s what Deku and co. are for, hopefully

anyways oh shit Deku seems to have spotted something?? and he’s doing something weird with Blackwhip what

oh, he spotted her, I guess

lmaooooo

new favorite Deku panel right here. a masterpiece

oh my god you guys our little boy is starting to grow up before our eyes

you love to see it. and you can tell with those elipses that he’s gearing up to say something really cool and determined and badass like the shounen protag he is, yes please, Deku ilu so much please do your thing

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

IS THAT A TEENY TINY LIL EYE SPARKLE THERE OMG. still not anywhere close to his usual standard, but that’s some clear resolve there in his eyes there at long last! it always shines the most clearly when he’s being true to himself and his ideals, so I love that it finally shows up again here, when he’s reaffirming his resolve to help others no matter what

uh oh so what’s Lady going to do now

is it time for a trump card?? kinda sounding like it’s time for a trump card

???

I lied btw, this is my new favorite Deku panel. but anyways what is she up to now lol

ohhhhhh, lol

why does she seem shocked, lol. here I thought this was part of her plan, but apparently she forgot all about ol’ “Look Ma, No Hands” back up there

and so I guess that’s it for this week! so we’ve learned basically everything now about Lady and her quirk and her history with the HPSC and why she agreed to work for AFO. pretty much the only question that still remains is why the hell she decided to drag this asshole along for the ride! because I still cannot figure that out dsklkjlkf

(ETA: actually now I’m kind of wondering if they maybe have some past connection we don’t know about yet. when exactly was Nagant sent to Tartarus? is it possible she was ordered to track down and kill Overhaul at some point before that, but never got around to it? or something else along those lines? idk but now I’m curious.)

anyways Deku, I know that your empathy has no bounds and that you’re on a “saving villains” kick right now, and good on you... but also, if you decide to just like, skip all of that shit just this once, absolutely no one will hold it against you, I’m just saying. just, all I’m asking here is maybe let’s think twice before we start trying to reform guys who imprison and torture little girls for profit. I think maybe that’s a good place to draw the line. next week is going to be a very interesting chapter lol

[dorimena]

Hello hello! Your blog is beautifully constructed. I hope there will be more dom reader blogs like yours in the future. If you aren’t busy could I please have g/n reader brat taming Bakugou or Shinsou? I’ll leave it up to you to decide. Remember to drink water!

Hello! Thank you! (´ ω `♡) I chose Bakugou, but I might do something similar for Shinsou later on huhu~ And thanks for the reminder! I hope you’re hydrated as well! ╰(*´︶`*)╯

𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔢𝔯; bakugou katsuki

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱; 1.5k

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰; gender neutral reader, impact play (not too hard though), brat taming, crying, mentioned overstimulation, implied edge play, paddle, dom!reader, sub!character

𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔰; sex toy (cock ring), lowkey headcanon Bakugou being into impact play, some aftercare before round 2, mentioned safe word (cues like the traffic light colors), aged-up character, Bakugou is 18+

𝔰𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢; I hope you enjoy it notwhatiseem. I might’ve had to do some investigation, as I was unsure if my plan on how the story was going was a correct, or as correct, portrayal. Maybe in the near future Mr. Paddle will make a comeback-

𝕸𝖗. 𝕻𝖆𝖉𝖉𝖑𝖊

“Baby boy! What has gotten into you today?”

You scold Bakugou as he glares at you from the couch, arms crossed and body relaxed on the cushions as he tries not to show how his anger is making his body tremble.

Unlike you, because you’re quivering in anger, in utter disappointment with the stunt he decided to pull during the Bakusquad’s monthly game night.

It was a fun time, a casual time and place where everyone could leave behind their prohero responsibilities before somehow being dragged away to missions, patrols, paperwork, all the glorious hero work.

But Bakugou decided that this very night, in the very moment Kaminari ‘accidentally’ placed his hand on your thigh, that he’ll be a brat. A jealous brat, which is worse than his usual bratty behavior.

But he isn’t usually a brat? It’s confusing and a whiplash for you, not really expecting to punish him after months of him being so obedient, so nice, so docile with you and everything you wanted or needed.

“Answer me, Bakugou.”

Okay, that made him furrow his eyebrows in worry, wondering if he’s crossing a line, but that already happened the moment he began sassing back at you and insulting you. Not even playful banter, it was just outright rude and degrading.

He went against opening his mouth or talking in general, just huffing as he slouched a bit more into the couch, as if he wants the cushions to swallow him in or maybe he’s trying to keep riling up your mood.

“Sit up correctly.” You snapped, halting your pacing as you standing in front of him, hands on your hips as you take in his sitting position. He’s barely such a slouch; he’s taking this too far.

Or maybe you got too used to him being such a sweet baby boy that you forgot just how impatient you can sometimes get.

This is one of those times.

“You’re not gonna talk?”

He shakes his head. Well, at least he answered, but his posture remains the same.

Sighing, you leave the living room and head to the bedroom, rummaging through your closet to find- aha!

Bakugou, in the meantime, is trying not to let his nerves get to him, not wanting clammy palms and possibly causing more harm with his reactions. All he can hear is stuff being moved around in your shared bedroom and then hearing a small shout of victory.

But for what- wait, why the fuck did you take that out?!

“Alright, baby boy. I hope you remember Mr.Paddle. He will aid me in your punishment.”

No, no! Anything but the paddle! You’ve never used it, at all. Even if there were some close calls, you still never had it anywhere near his skin, or him. It was a gag gift you gave him out of the blue.

“No!” Bakugou yelled, getting on his feet as his arms fell on either side of him, eyes wide in shock and slight fear. How hard could you go with that? How bad will it hurt?

But your amused chuckle seems to make him even more confused. Aren’t you angry at him?

“So you speak when threatened, but not when spoken to nicely? I told you to sit correctly-”

“I will!”

“Baby boy.” Oh he’s done it. He interrupted you just as he was kind of redeeming himself.

Well, shit.

“I’m s-sorry…” He trailed off, slowly sitting down on the couch as he never loses eye contact with you, waiting to see if you’ll finally use the paddle or you’ll continue trying to talk things out.

But you made a good point: why does he only speak up when threatened with punishment instead of avoiding all of this anger?

“Baby boy. Today you’ve gotten bold with your actions and your words. But you’ve been terribly rude with Kaminari! Isn’t he your friend? What did he do wrong?”

You do know, but you wanted to hear it from him.

But Bakugou kept his silence, fidgeting on the seat as he battled his inner, mini Bakugous about the pros and cons of speaking up and answering.

The main pro is that he’ll be given attention.

The main con is that that attention will be given with the paddle.

Well, his pride be damned.

“He was touching you! I hate it when other people do!” He spoke out, voice raising in volume just a bit at the end, but he shyly whispered, “you of all people know how jealous I can get.”

“Oh~ so baby boy was jealous?”

He groaned, covering his face with his hands before taking them away in a flash, grimacing at how sweaty they are and how sweet it smells.

“Don’t make me repeat myself, goddamn it.”

“Language.”

He grumbled, pouting as he looked at you again, slowly averting his gaze to the paddle as it just stared back at him.

Why does he feel like even if he spoke, he’s going to get that touching him?

He was right after some time, his body moving forward with every hit you landed on his ass with the paddle, a cry of the number he’s on leaving his mouth as more drool lands on the bed, more tears wetting the sheets, more precum falling in stringy drips on the sheets.

He can’t even come to care about the rapidly dirty sheets, or even come to think about anything really. Not with how every smack he receives, the hornier he keeps getting. The tighter his hands grip the bed sheets, and if he were at least conscious with his actions, he would’ve heard fabric tearing up and smell a bit of burning.

Is he into this? Has he always been into this? Well, yes. But he didn’t think taking the paddle instead of your hand would be so much better.

God, please-

“H-harder! Please! H-hardeeeeer- ugh fuuuuuuuck.”

You snicker before rearing back into a serious expression.

“Excuse me? You’re not allowed to speak, baby. Keep counting.”

Bakugou groans before it ends in a sob, a weak ‘68’ coming out as you land the last spank on his bruising ass and a small ‘69’ squeaks out of his throat as he falls forward, face resting on a nearby pillow. And if you somehow catch his hips gyrate slowly against the bed and small, hoarse whines leave his body, you decide to ignore and let him come down from the high the way he usually does.

You’re quite surprised at how he hadn’t used his safe word, or any safe cues, within the spankings, and actually asked for you to go harder. But his bruises are enough to make you feel kind of bad, just a bit.

“You know,” you speak, throwing the paddle on the floor before rounding the bed, squatting to look at his tear stricken, blush decorated, sweat sticky face, “I knew you were a slut for impact play, but I didn’t think it’d be this much.”

Bakugou just mewls weakly, voice lost in his trance as he tried recollecting any thoughts of his, especially the coherent ones so he could speak. Even if they’re just curse words.

“Sh-shitty y-y/n…” He blinks a couple of times, trying to unblur his eyes with the tears that seem to stubbornly stay on his lash line.

“Th-think tha-at be ‘nough? Hah… y-yer cute.”

Blinking yourself, you stare as you shake your head. So he wants to act difficult today, huh?

“Oh baby, baby, baby. All you had to do was ask nicely instead of being mean to your friends. You know I would do anything to keep you happy, to please you.”

You reach to pet him, scratching his scalp as soothing as possible, watching as his eyes slowly come back to being sharp, the fuzz lingering leaving as his mouth twitches into a smile, a relaxed, serene smile as his once tense body slowly melts into the bed, the small shudders from the intensity of the situation for his body slowly disappearing as he lets out something close to a purr.

How cute, he thinks he’s off the hook.

“Since baby boy isn’t satisfied with what I gave him, guess I’ll just have to fuck the brattiness and attitude out of you, hm?”

You slowly lift your hand, standing up as you go back to the closet, leaving him with enough time to gather his thoughts back together and come to realize how you’ve tricked him, how you’re not even done yet, how he’s still gonna get punished.

But, he loves overstimulation? How is that punishing?

“Oh! Forgot to mention: you’ll be wearing this until I feel like taking it off, okay?”

And in his line of vision is his cock ring, the horrible toy that vibrates in teasing tempos and makes him pathetically cum, humiliating him. God he hates that fucking thing.

He growls lowly, as if he’d have a threat ready between his teeth, but then you flipped him over gently, the coolness of the sheets soothing his ass as you flick one of his nipples.

He whimpers, puffing his chest out more for you to keep playing with.

“What’s your color right now, Katsuki?”

“Green m-master.”

[blu-joons]

You Overhear Idols Being Rude About Him ~ Boo Seungkwan

Your eyes instantly landed on Seungkwan as you walked into the building, noticing how low his shoulders had dropped. You carried on scanning the room, noticing a group of idols stood nearby to him, with their backs turned to him.

As his eyes looked across as he saw you walk in, you knew straight away exactly who the group were, and just what they’d done to him too.

Over the past few weeks, you’d noticed a few changes in Seungkwan, specifically how low his confidence had dropped. Although you didn’t want to intrude on his business, you knew something seriously wasn’t right with him. After a couple of days, he wore himself down until he couldn’t hold in all the things that he’d heard said about him anymore.

As you approached, you could overhear their murmurs, holding your hand up to Seungkwan to keep a distance between the two of you so that none of them picked up on who you were to him.

“He’s just a big joke,” you overheard one of them speak up, flinching at how harsh their words were.

You knew that Seungkwan had kept the extent of their insults to himself, not wanting to repeat what he’d heard for his own sake, and for yours. You could only imagine the things that had been said and how hard it was for him to keep quiet about it all.

“He brings nothing to the group, they should just kick him out,” you heard another acknowledge, shaking your head.

“He belongs on variety, he’s got the face for it, especially with so few other talents.”

Seungkwan looked away as soon as you looked across at him, silently wanting to question why he’d never let you in on the torment he was placed under in his workplace. As they continued to speak, you couldn’t listen to much more, struggling to believe what you were listening to.

Once silence finally descended upon them, you turned to look at each one of them one by one. Every single one of them was an idol you recognised, idols who stood for supporting others and positivity, however performed with anything but.

You knew that although Seungkwan always had a smile on his face, he always took things to heart, keen to live up to the reputation he’d been given through his work on variety.

Just as you went to turn away, you purposely bumped your shoulder into one of them, causing a loud squeal to escape them. As they turned around, you stood firm, trying not to be intimidated as the rest of their group looked around.

“Excuse me,” they scoffed, holding onto their arm.

You remained silent, meeting their eyes with a deep breath. By now, you knew Seungkwan would be watching you once again, but there was no way you were going to let them get away with what they’d said about him.

After taking a moment to compose yourself, you quickly cleared your throat. “You might want to be a bit careful over the idols that you slag off, especially those who are far more successful than anyone of you will ever be too.”

Behind you, Seungkwan sunk down as he managed to listen in to what you were saying, their eyes looked to him behind you, before turning back to you.

“Did anyone ever tell you it’s rude to butt into other people’s conversations?”

“When other people’s conversations are bashing someone that I care deeply for, I think I have every right to speak up and tell you that what you’re doing is wrong.”

“But Seungkwan-“

“-I don’t care what you have to say about Seungkwan, in fact just stop talking about Seungkwan altogether, what he does has nothing to do with you, just focus on yourselves instead.”

Before they had the chance to argue, you spun on your heels and began to walk off in the direction of the studio that you knew Seungkwan was working in. He was left, staring in awe as you walked past, quickly standing himself up too.

He soon found himself following behind you, struggling to find the words or catch his breath after what he’d just watched, having never had someone stand up for him the way you had before.

You eventually stopped just outside of the door, spinning around just as Seungkwan came crashing into you, meeting your eyes as a wide smile formed on his face.

“What the hell was that?” He chuckled, finally allowing himself to relax.

Your shoulders shrugged as you started walking once again, this time with him by your side, allowing his hand to move across to rest against the small of your back.

Once you were sure Seungkwan had caught his breath, you began to speak. “I can see the impact what they’re doing is having on you, there was no way I was just going to stand there and let that continue when it’s hurting you.”

“I’ve never had anyone stand up for me before.”

“That’s because no one else is me,” you teased in response, “and also because I can guarantee that no one has ever loved you the way I have.”

There was no feeling worse in the world than watching the person that you loved crumble. For so long Seungkwan had been the pillar that had held you up, this time around it was your turn to repay the favour and do the same for you.

Whilst you were certainly anxious, and still slightly unsure where such a wave of confidence had come from, you were relieved to have done it. Most of all though, you were hopeful that this would be the end for Seungkwan’s sake.

“I just hope that it does something.”

“I think it will, remind me to never get on the wrong side of you though, you can actually be quite intimidating when you want to be. Even if it doesn’t change things, knowing that you have my back already makes me feel a lot better about things.”

Even though you could never take away the things that they’d said, and the hurt it caused for Seungkwan, you just hoped that it would help make his life a little bit easier.

“No one talks about you like that and gets away with it,” you continued to chuckle, moving your arm to wrap around him too. “They even look evil though.”

“They’ve got a reputation, put it that way. Can you believe that their fans think their innocent and lovely, it’s crazy?”

“How else do all of these companies earn their money? Your company is just lucky to have such a funny, handsome, charming guy in you to bring in plenty of money to them.”

It didn’t take long before Seungkwan’s cheeks began to turn a light shade of red, a common theme that occurred every single time you paid him even the smallest of compliments.

“I guess all of those things must be aided by the fact I have a pretty incredible partner who always supports me and cheers me on,” Seungkwan noted, leaning across to press a kiss against your cheek gently.

The two of you always had been known by those around you for the great team that you made, picking each other up, and cheering each other on. Even if you couldn’t silence every voice that was rude about Seungkwan, you were determined to silence as many as possible.

“Thank you for having my back today, I really don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t there to keep them quiet.”

“It’s my job, you don’t need to thank me.”

---

Masterlist