#i got it spoiled like when i started on s3

[mothstiel]

saturn by sleeping at last always makes me ugly sob as a destiel fan. wym "with shortness of breath you explain the infinite / how rare and beautiful it is to even exist" and "how the universe was made / to just be seen by my eyes" !!>?>?!>?!>?!!!!>?!>!?!?!?!?!??!.

[shrimpybbq]

rafe, his fiancée and their family in the 18 month gap between s3 and s4

“What do you think about another baby?”

rafe is ecstatic about the prospect of another kid, and he shows it. he’s constantly spoiling his girl, always doting on her and helping her around the house. he makes sure to hire staff around tannyhill and ensure she doesn’t have to stress, making sure to spend time each night with his family despite the chaos of his day. rafe knows her first pregnancy wasn’t the best (bc of him) and he wants to give her a whole new experience

high school gf was worried about telling him she was pregnant again, knowing how badly it all went the first time. she knew rafe had grown to love his son and his family, but she was still apprehensive about his reaction, knowing he was in a stressful period of life rn. she didn’t have anything to worry about however, seeing straight away how different rafe was with her now. he loved being a father and was so keen to have another baby, especially now everything is his, and he can provide for his family the way he wants

baby no. 2 was a girl, just as rafe wanted. he already has little charlie, who is a carbon copy of himself, but he wants a little girl who looks just like her mother. rafe already loved to stare at his fiancée’s face, but imagining her looking after a mini version of herself - rafe thinks he might die.

as his fiancée and mother of his child, high school gf is living good. rafe is struggling with his father’s death, but mostly, they’re happy - really, really happy. charlie is starting to speak, and he is so excited to have a baby sister

oh you know the jokes are going around the OBX about how rafe just can’t keep it in his pants (but who could blame him when his girl is just so hot)

rafe doing the absolute most to have his fiancée relaxed and resting at all times - he loves to take her out on the boat and let her lay in the warm sun, especially because she gets so clingy when she’s sleepy and calm

rafe who begins to secretly hunt for a new house for the family to move into, wanting a new space just for themselves. tannyhill had too many bad vibes and rafe wants to start fresh

the family are often seen out and about the island with little charlie either toddling in front of his parents, or being swung in between their outstretched arms

charlie becoming known by those on the island as a cheeky little boy, always pulling faces and trying to play with everyone

rafe watching his girl get closer and closer to her due date and growing more and more anxious - he was so coked up the first time that he never really worried, but now he is always hovering and checking in on their baby

rafe is there for this delivery!! he's 100% holding his fiancée’s hand and brushing her sweaty hair out of her face, whispering "you can do this, baby, you've got this"

the nurses let him cut the cord once his daughter is born and he is definitely crying and trying to subtly wipe away his tears

the whole family spending the next few weeks hiding in their new house enjoying their first moments with their new little girl

rafe picks her name and decides to call her emmeline, emmy for short

if any family ever gave off rich vibes, it's the cameron's. rafe has his kids dressed to the nines, nice cars in the driveway of his new house and his fiancée wearing the nicest jewellery

all the women on kildare being so jealous once they see sexy muscular rafe cameron fussing over a tiny little baby, emmy clutched tightly in his arms as his fiancée holds charlie's hand

rafe would never admit it, but he loves the looks he gets when he walks around his little girl - he might be loyal but he still likes to be reminded he's hot sorry not sorry

wedding time!!!!

i think their wedding is actually very casual, maybe even a holiday elopement

rafe doesn't really like the people in the obx that much and so when his girl suggested getting married somewhere quiet, just the two of them, he was like "mmm, why not?"

the pair get married on a private beach in hawaii, rafe in a loose white shirt and a pair of linen trousers, his girl in a silky dress (this is so serious to me)

they hire a photographer and definitely put a big wedding pic on their hallway wall

everyone in the obx knew it was coming (bc they were engaged) but people are still a little shocked that the high school couple actually got married?

i see them settling into a nice routine once back, really just wifey looking after their little family, rafe running cameron development and the family spending all their time together happily

idk i'm just very passionate about the concept of rafe being loved and giving love in return bc it's clear he's capable of it, he just needs to feel safe and nurtured

click here for pre-season 1 rafe, gf & their unborn son

click here for season 1 rafe, gf & their son

click here for season 2 rafe, gf & their son

click here for season 3 rafe, gf & their son

click here for season 4 part 1 rafe, gf & their son

[divinedelusional]

how rafe would treat his gf on her period

rafe cameron x fem reader

word count: 796

warnings: menstruation, mentions of toxic relationship and period sex

a/n: yeah this is how rafe treats his girl on her period but also how he would be like in a relationship throughout the seasons? i got carried away, sorry not sorry

s1 rafe: sooo i feel like fratboy!rafe genuinely doesn't give a fuck, i don't even know if he would be capable of being in a relationship. i see him being involved with a girl but only for sex and he would only know she's on her period bc she would just text him that they can't meet today bc of it and he'd be like "uh huh cool" and would go jerk off

s2 rafe: here i think situation would be slightly different. i think our psycho bby could acc develop feelings for a girl, it would mostly be just sex but he could start falling for someone. so i think he'd fight a battle in his mind if he should come over to the girl's house and be there for her on her period or to completely neglect her. it's just he doesn't have a clue what to do and tbh he's occupied with other shit, he uses sex with her to forget. i think it's very similar to s1 rafe but with guilt and feelings creeping in (and obvious denial for this emotions)

s3 rafe: so okay we all know the shift from curtain bangs psycho rafey to buzz cut man of the house rafe who looked like he's getting his shit together. of course that means he's different when it comes to relationships. he still deals with a lot, but he finds you. and he kinda sees you as this light. a small light who he has to be very careful with so it won't go out. he is attentive to you. treats you right, but with some sort of distance and you don't blame him. he doesn't spend every day with you, he didn't even ask you to be his girlfriend yet, didn't make it official but he will and somehow you know it. when you're on your period you become quiet. you don't text him, but he finds out as he had a feeling that he should drop by your house. he finds you on your couch with a heating bag and cookies. you told him you weren't feeling well and he ordered you hot soup and made a quick run to pharmacy for some medicine. he still was clueless and thought you caught a cold. "rafe im not sick im just on my period" "oh" it's not like he avoids you, no. he visits you everday for the next four days but doesn't stay for long, always excusing himself with some meeting or business. you know he means the best for you but wish that he's going to be able to let you in soon. you're really patient with him, but start having doubts.

s4 rafe: is now fully committed to you. you talked to him how you really felt about this relationship. that you really cared and wanted to give him as much time as he needed, but also you couldn't waste it anymore waiting for him. and rafe realized that nobody else would have such patience for him. he was thinking about you a lot and he admitted to himself that you were the one. he made your relationship official and two months later you were living together. he was spoiling you, really. taking you on dates, buying you gifts and most importantly giving you his time. getting to know you, observing your daily habits, remembering stuff you said. your likes and dislikes. no wonder he became pussy whipped. and started to feel like he knows you better than yourself.

that's why when it's that time of the month you don't have to say anything. rafe knows. just by the way you whine when you wake up, he knows if you'd be able to get out of bed and get on with your day or you'd want to stay in bed cuddling, because he's your personal heater, makes back pain go away. gives you massages. cuddles with you all morning untill your stomach start to signal that it's time for some food. oh and he doesn't care about his schedule. he could clear it off, cancel the meetings, but he doesn't bother. his girl is the most important, his business associates don't even deserve a phone call on a day his girl is in pain. also he's not opposed to period sex at. all. orgasm is a great way to reduce cramps, so if that works for you and you want him to help you, he is the happiest to do so. if you're not comfortable with having sex these days he totally understands. wouldn't even thought of forcing you to do something, on your period or not. when he discovered that he has so much love in him, his only interest is to give it to you♡

dividers by: @bernardsbendystraws

tagging: @sugaraanddiesel @cherrylipglossss hope they'll enjoy it and @cameronsprincess bc maybe it will put a smile on her face♡

[aliceinborderlandsquidgame]

We meet again | In-ho x Fem!Reader | Ending

Summary: It was only one night for fun, you never thought you would see him again. Even less in a place like this one.

P1 P2 P3 P4

Warnings: S2 Spoilers - Canon violence - Pregnant!Reader - Non canon background for In-ho - Use of (Y/N) - Angst - Protective!In-ho - Medical inaccuracy - grammar mistakes - NON CANON EVENTS - Wrote before S3 so no idea how things will play. This can be really OOC - Would add more things but I would Spoil the ending -

You had no idea where you were at first. A light, then a flash of a person, multiple voices talking all at the same time. And the repeated sound of a machine.

A hospital? That was your first idea.

But what about the island ? The games ? Was all a nightmare your mind had conjured ? And what about your baby ?

Panic went throw your body, muscles screaming from your sudden move. You felt something in your nose, oxygen ? And your arms full of differents vials.

Soon a lot of nurses and a doctor came into the room. Trying to calm you down. Trying to settle you down and prevent you from ripping off the different medicines they were giving you.

But you did not respond. A sudden move made you hit someone, you had no idea who that person was.

Next thing you knew dark was once again taking over you.

The second time you woke up was different. Somehow your body felt lighter, like something was missing.

Wait.

Why was there a big pain in your stomach? Why did you feel less heavy ?

With trembling hands you moved the small hospital blanket and saw with horror a big scar on your belly.

The scream you left alerted the medical staff once again.

"Miss miss!! Please calm down, breath" A nurse said besides you

"My baby...you took my baby!! You screamed at her tears falling down your face. "Where is it? What did you do!!" The desesperation in your voice was clear, raw emotions filled you as you took a look around the white room.

"Miss listen please. You have been asleep for three weeks, your baby its fine I promise" The nurse said taking your hand "We had to remove it...your baby its a premature one but its fine"

"I want to see it, please"

The nurse gave a small nod signaling another nurse to go and find your baby.

"Take deep breaths, the doctor will come to check on how you are doing"

"I just want my baby, please I just want to see if its-"

The nurse returned a white blanket around a small body. Your body felt light like all was a dream. As she approached you and let you take a look. Your baby, sleeping without a care in the world.

"You can hold him Dear"

Him, it was a boy. A beautiful boy.

Carefully she passed the baby to you, you took it looking at him with so much love and care. You could not believe how something so fragile and cute could be here right now.

"Hello Little One...im your mom. Im sorry I was not here when you arrived"

The baby opened his eyes revealing deep dark ones, it did not scream at first reaching to touch your face with his small hand.

"Babys knows their mother" The nurse said smiling as she saw how you rocked the small kid a tiny smile on your tired face, and a few tears in your eyes.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

Turns out someone from the staff found you outside unconscious and they took you into emergency care fast. Your vital signs were stable but they were still worry over your baby and the low amount of iron you had.

The first week you were in intensive care, the doctors and nurses checking you every hour, making sure you were progressing for good and so was your baby.

However, things got complicated and they had to proceed with a emergency cesarean when some tests came out wrong. You and your baby were in vital danger and that was the only option.

Your baby was born premature, being 2.5 kg low birth weight, it was took to special care since you were still unconscious and recovering from the surgery.

Luckly your baby started to gain weight as soon as they started to feed him with special formulas, it soon got good color and all his still under developing organs were alright.

It was safe to say that by the time you woke up your baby was healthier than you. Did you care ? Of course not, you would give your life for him.

Breast feeding him was easier than what you did initially thought. And everybody was happy that your baby was so eager to be natural feed. It was important for mother-baby bond.

Days went on, the Hospital where you were was close to the coast town you once lived. You were confused and wondered how you had ended up there. Last thing you did remember was eating food under the watchful eye of a guard then nothing.

You were suprised by the visit of your Friends from town, someone from the hospital had contacted them since you had no parents alive and your brother was not responding.

Even the bar owner from where you met In-ho came by, to scold you like a old father. How could you ran away ? They were a small yet powerfull town and they protected their people.

During these days lots of things happened.

You discovered that your debt was all paid, your brother was found in another country and was now paying for what he had done. You were not interested in the details of that.

Your original house, the one from the town was still under your name and clean as if someone had been keeping check on it. But no one knew a thing.

Once you were free from the hospital and at home with your baby you discovered another thing.

When going out to buy groceries and baby food, you checked your account only to see so many zeros...hell you almost fainted there.

But you did not win, then why ? Was this their way of compensation ? You were repulsed by it and for months did not touch the money till it became impossible to keep going without doing it. You could not work yet and the others insisted on you resting.

Life was once again slow...like all of what had happened was a nightmare. Something you had made.

Did you go to the police? No. You could only imagine what they would think if you ever decided to talk, and you wanted to keep your baby safe.

Oh your dear son...it had his father's eyes and your hair. A perfect and beautiful mix. You would cry at night thinking on him. In-ho....who could not met his son, and your son that would grow up without a father.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

Jun-ho stood besides In-ho part of him wanting nothing but to kill his own brother and other to...well he was still deciding on the first one.

"You shot me! Without a dam care" Jun-ho said to his older brother who just moved his gloved hand like it was nothing.

"You left me no choice, it was to keep you safe..."

"Thanks to you I lost my job because no one would fucking believe me"

"And you blame them?" In-ho asked "You are still a naive kid, but you are my family and my blood..."

"Why let Seong Gi-hun live? Why me ? You killed the others, the team..."

"Because, there is a small balance I have to keep" In-ho said voice cold and eyes sharp "I cant stop this. Its a never ending circle, its not up to me or you. Or anyone, it goes far beyond that"

"I still dont understand...what makes you think I wont-"

"I have a favor to ask you" In-ho cut his younger brother off, who gave back an incredulous look.

"Really? After everything, you have the face to ask me for a favor?"

"You have a nephew" In-ho started pulling out the pic of a woman and a small kid, a few months old. "I met her once, then here again" He smiled saddly at the memory "Such a cruel fate...but I loved her, and him.." His finger passed over the photo.

"...You must be kidding me" Jun-ho said letting himself fall besides him in the dark couch "You- Do you realize how fucked up this is ? And what ? What do you want me to do ?"

"Check them for me. She does not have a family, and im dead to her-"

"Oh so you lied" Typical of him.

"Yes, it was for the best. Thats why im asking you to check on them. To be there for them. I dont care if you hate me but they, they deserve a family and I cant give them that"

Jun-ho pressed his lips seeing his older brother show a vulnerable side that was so...odd. So strange to see.

"Let me see them" Jun-ho asked looking at the pic, well various pics. You were smiling in most and the little baby looked healthy. He could not help but feel a jump at his heart, this kid was his nephew....even if his brother was far from perfect...He was right. Not you or the kid had the fault. And if he was the only family you two could get then he would do it.

"Fine, but im not doing it for you but them" Jun-ho accepted giving the pics back.

In-ho nodded taking a black envelope and passing it to him.

"What is this?" Jun-ho asked taking a peak inside.

"Your new name for when you met them, I never told her my real name. And some background so you dont go there without a reason. It would be too strange and last thing I want its to scare her"

Jun-ho took a deep breath opening the envelope getting ready to read and memorize his new identity.

Things you do for family.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

One year passed. Your life was back to normal. Your dear son grow up everyday,  triying to give him everytning you could and be the best mom.

Reading different books and being helped by the older woman from town was like heaven. You could carry your life on your own.

Your Friends loved your son, the amount of gifts he would get each time they visited...you had to tell them to stop it.

There was the money too. While you could live your life without having to work you decided you wanted to do something with it. And after long talks and hours you finally decided what to do.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

One morning you were just there, the TV on with a kids program as you studied some pappers. A knock at your door took you by suprise.

Slowly you got up and went there, still unsure but the person behind the door knocked again this time faster.

Jun-ho stood outside your door. Anxiety and fear on him. He had read your file and his background multiple times. But the idea of finally meeting you and his nephew....scared him a lot.

He knew he was not his older brother...knew he would not fill a place he had left. But he also wanted to be there for you and his newphew, after seeing how much you loved the kid...

The door opened and a heavy silence fell between both of you.

Jun-ho saw it all, the suprise on your face and the look of small recognition  over him. Even if him and his brother were not twins they did share genetics and by what he had read about you, you were not stupid, he was sure you were putting together the pieces by now.

"Hello" He paused not sure how to continue, even if he had prepared himself for this moment for so long.

"Hello...may I know who you are ?" You asked already blocking the door. Your eyes went over his face, taking the small details as your brain slowly connected him with In-ho.

Could it be ?

"Im Oh Jun-ho...In-ho's younger brother" He said the fake name with centrain disgust but hide it behind a smile.

"Younger brother ? He...he never said he had a younger brother..."

Of course not. He shot me that fucker-

"He is-was" he corrected himself "he was a reserved man", He went missing some time ago, the leads I followed made me come here. And some people said they saw you with him one night...

Well that was a lie. He knew that because thats whats he was suppose to say to you.

"Are you...still looking for him?" You asked your voice barely a whisper. Jun-ho could see your shoulder tremble, he knew you thought his brother was long dead, and it broke him to have to lie to you.

If you could only see how much you are hurting her

"Yes, thats why im here. Can I come in? I promise it wont take long. You can ask someone to come if you are not comfortable with a stranger in your home" Jun-ho added knowing you most likely would be a bit admant on letting him in.

And you were. Ever since you came back and saw that account with so much money,  you were always checking over your shoulder. A fresh set of alarms were installed at your house, and you made sure to double check everything. 

It was safe to say you were ready to kill for your son. And even if this stranger had some resemblance with In-ho...

"Wait here" You told him closing the door and texting your friend who worked at the local coffee from town explaining everything

His responde came quick, telling you to bring the stranger there and that he would keep an eye on him and in your son.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

"Alright lets go" Jun-ho hear you said, he turned around his heart beating fast at the sight of his nephew and In-ho's son.

Genetics did not lie. It did look like him.

"Right....were to?" He asked trying not to eye his newphew too much to not make you suspect that he knew more than what he was telling you.

"There is a coffee shop near, we can talk there"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

Jun-ho knew when he was being watched. Years in the police and as a detective have sharpered his senses. Of course he knew the friendly barista was giving him the side eye since you two ordered a drink and took a seat on a table a bit away from the rest.

He also took note of the guy who came up with your drinks. A guy tall, taller than him and fairy muscular, he had give you a polite smile and almost a dead look towards him.

So far he did not feel very welcome. But it was fair. After all you were being lied and he was helping with that lie, so this was the smallest price he should pay.

If anything part of him should be greateful you had someone to look after you. He did read in your file about your parents death and the piece of trash your brother was.

Hell, he hoped he could be a better uncle than him.

"What did you want to talk about?" Your soft voice broke him from his thoughts

He blinked back and nodded, composing himself.

"As I said" He started slowly "Im In-ho's younger brother. He went missing a few months back...and I started to look for him"

Well months was a lie. Years by now.

"I used to be a detective in Seoul, I tried to find him and followed different leads but nothing would came out from it" He made a pause to take a sip from his coffee "Then I found out he was...hiding"

"Hiding?" You asked a bit scared.

So when we met he was hiding? Thats why he left so quickly?

"Yeah" Jun-ho felt his skin crawl back at the lies "I found out he was in debt and was going from city to towns. To avoid them. This was the last place he was seen..."

Jun-ho let the lie set on you. He could see your brain working, maybe trying to pull out dates and reasons too.

"Im sorry I was not faster" Jun-ho continued "I really wanted to find him, I wanted to bring him home..."

He saw you nod and a few tears forming on your eyes.

Jun-ho went to his pocket and pulled out a very old picture. A picture of a different time. When things were more simple.

"This is me and him" Jun-ho showed you "He was a fellow detective, I actually joyned the force becaue of him" Jun-ho said smiling at that time when he was inspired by In-ho.

You took the pic traseing on the younger features of In-ho, he looked happier, less tired and stressed than what you did remember from the games...

"And...you think he-"

The cries from your boy stopped you. You took him out from the stroller to try and shh him down. The little bundle of joy was just boring for what it seems. You checked the time and saw that his feed time was still for another hour.

"Sorry to ask but...that baby" Jun-ho started not really knowing how to proceed.

He saw you pull the baby closer to you, like you were trying to protect him from the world. Or maybe from him.

"I-" You took a deep breath calming yourself and your baby down. "Its true what you know. I did met your brother. We met one night at the local bar. The one near the docks. We passed the night together but he was gone when I woke up" The words died in your throat as you remember all the times in the game and the soft moment during Migle. When he was able to touch your belly and talk to his kid. "I discovered I was pregnant, but for personal reasons I left this town for some time"

Jun-ho did know. It was scary how much he knew but he faked that this was all new.

"My brother left a debt on me. I had to work in Seoul to pay it off. I was then able to return here. If In-ho was here during that time...I cant known. I was not here. Im sorry I cant help you more"

Like In-ho had told him, you would most likely not mention the games, the money you got, or the fact that you believed he was dead.

Jun-ho nodded and a few minutes of silence passed between both of you. Each one with their own thoguhts.

"I never got your name Miss.."

"Oh...its (Y/N)" You responded being too caught up to even think of that.

"And your son's name..."

"In-ho" Jun-ho felt his heart fell "I named him after his father"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

Even if the start of the conversation was tense and full of doubts on your side. The more you talked to Jun-ho the more relaxed you got. He showed you some more pics of him and In-ho and even shared some stories from when they were young.

It helped you to imagine how he was and how he could have been if he was outside with you and your son.

"I dont want to interrump in your life" Jun-ho had said as both walked together to your home "But I cant ignore the fact that I have a nephew...and if you let me I would love to be part of his life. I dont want to replace In-ho, I know I could never do it"

You looked at Jun-ho's eyes for any indication of a lie or ulterior motive. But found nothing, just a Man, a brother lost in the look for his older brother and now finding out that he was an uncle.

At the end your kid was an extension of In-ho, and you could not blame Jun-ho for wanting to be part of his life. If anything it was quiet cute and a noble wish.

"I...I dont mind if you are part of his life. Well our lives. I cant say im kind on going to Seoul but-"

"No, thats fine. I can work with what you are more comfortable" Jun-ho said remembering the strong emphasis his brother had made on pulling your needs first.

"Thanks, its a city that just brings back bad memories..."

Jun-ho nodded once more. He took out his phone and offered it to you.

"You can put your number..or I can give you mine. You dont have to save it just..."

"I will give you mine" You softly said pulling your contact information and giving it back. "Do you plan on staying more days at the town?"

Honestly? No. Jun-ho was already planning on leaving to rest in the next town and then go back to his brother.

But...a few more days could not hurt...

"Yes..I think I have a reason to stay for a few more days" He said smiling at the baby.

You smiled back then after giving it a long thought asked "Would you like to hold him?"

"Really?" Jun-ho asked being taken back so much he did take a step back and felt dumb for it.

"You are his uncle...I trust you will not let him fall" You said getting your kid who blinked at you giving a soft smile

"Never. I would never hurt him" Jun-ho said with maybe more force than needed.

When he felt the baby in his arms he felt so much. The little thing looked at him, curious on who this stranger was.

His little hands went to touch his shirt and Jun-ho could not help but smile. It did resemble the old baby pics his mother had of him and In-ho and in a way it felt wrong that he was holding his son before him.

But at the same time. He felt a deep connection, call it genetics, call it love, whatever it was Jun-ho did swear there that no harm would ever come to this kid. Or you, even if you deserved more than a lie. He would make sure you and your kid were safe.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

4 Years Later

Laughted filled the kid's park as some ran playing tag and others pulled their friends in the hammocks.

Your son, now five years old was lost in a game of tag with other kids from his school. Part of his hair flew in the air under his hat as he smiled when he was tagged and went for another kid.

You watched it from a near bench. Your work being flexible in hours was a plus when it came down on passing time with him.

"Mom" His sweet voice called as he came running with a bit of sweat. The summer was soon coming and the heat was just staring.

"Yes In-ho?" You asked adjusting the hat on his head. After years you have been able to say the name without it hurting that much to the point of hold back tears.

"Yejun and the others wants to go to the near store to get ice cream, pelease mom can I go too?"

You knew he was begging to go alone with his friends. Even if you knew everybody at the Town and Jun-ho had been a presece on his life and yours that made you feel less lonely and safe...you still got worried over him. Like any mother would.

"Alright" You said giving him a bit of money "But stay close to Yejun, you think you can do that little one?" You asked smiling at him.

"Mom! Im five now" He said taking the momeny and blushing "But yes! I wont separate from them"

"Thats my son" You said seeing him go off with Yejun and the others.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

A few months back on a different location:

In-ho stood over a big map, the island map and the new games that would be incorporated. It demanded new structures and more space. But after the last ones he needed to make this ones better.

The room was filled with soft jazz as he looked over the map and then at the games, a headache forming.

"Too much work for you?"

A voice he thought he would never hear in a situation like this one asked mocking him.

In-ho did not turn when Gi-hun entered the room, wearing clothes that resembled his own. The shaped mask removed.

"Its thanks to you that I have to make this games better" In-ho bite back getting a laught from Gi-hun

"The VIPs did not like seeing two lovers die last game and lose to me?" He asked getting a sound from In-ho

"Of course not. They are greedy pigs we both know it" In-ho responded turning back to look at Gi-hun.

If anyone would have told him that ex-player 456 and him would work together at the island In-ho would have actually laughted because the idea was absurd.

But here they were now. Usually Gi-hun was more on the security part. Kind of funny since he once wanted to end the games. But he also took a big part on picking up who the different recruiters have to to for.

"What do you want?" In-ho finally asked knowing Gi-hun would prefer to be on his part of the island than with him.

"I was just passing and seeing the calendar" Gi-hun said taking a seat. "The deadlines are close and your progress has been...rather slow"

"Im working on it. I will have it" In-ho said giving him his back again.

"I know its because of that woman and your kid. The kid's birthday is coming right?"

"Careful with what you say" In-ho said now fully turned killing Gi-hun with a simple look. But Gi-hun was not affected by it.

"You know, I did suspect you two were closer than what you two let out during the games...but to think you were the father.."

"Get to the point Seong" In-ho grunted

"I have a daughter too. She its in America as you know. Everyday I ask myself If i did the right thing getting back here and not going to her..."

In-ho said nothing already feeling where this conversation was going.

"But I change. I was never a good father. I tried but it was never enough. And after the first games..I was a mess. I could not see myself raising her. No after what I have done"

The jazz music played for a few seconds before he continued

"But its different with you. (Y/N) met you after you did win and while you were the only one moving this games. You two managed to connect and even create a life"

"She thinks im dead. And its better that way" In-ho said trying to even convince himself

"Dont you miss her ? Or your kid ? Dont you ever think on going to them ?"

Of course he did. Multiple times. The first two years were hell for him. Getting updates from Jun-ho about you and his son. His son who you have named after him. He did play the idea of going to you, maybe telling you everytning...but he was also scared. How would you react to it ? Knowing that after everything he was alive and on top of that he was the one behind the games ? No. He could never do that to you.

"Of course I miss her, I miss both of them. But seeing me would only make her miserable. She has my brother to help her out and my son has a great uncle. They dont need me"

Even it hurted so much to say it.

"Im just saying, I believe you have a chance. Your situation with her may be....complicated but if there is love then there is a chance"

"Since when did you become a psycologist?"

Gi-hun just laughted but without meaning it. Standing up he acomodated his clothes back.

"Im just saying, you may live in misery the rest of your life if you dont do something"

"Get out" Were the only words Gi-hun got in response.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

Present time:

In-ho ran behind Yejun and the others, ice cream in hand.

"Cmon run faster!!" Yejun called over his shoulder and In-ho tried to without letting his ice cream fell.

A hard air breeze hit him on the face pulling out his hat.

In-ho watched it flew back, running towards it. It was a hat Jun-ho his uncle had got him. He could not afford to lose it.

Plus you would be pissed and would remove his game rights for a week at least.

Just as he was about to pick it up another hand a bigger one did.

Both In-ho's looked at each other. One not knowing the connection they did share and the other with the hear up in his throat at the sight.

Yes He had seen the pictures, but there was nothing that could compare on seeing his son on the flesh. He had his eyes and your hair. Being a perfect combination of both of you.

"Sir...thats my hat. Can I please get it back?" In-ho asked keeping a safe distance from the strange man.

In-ho smiled nodding offering the hat back, his son eyed him for a moment then took it making sure it was well put on his head.

"You should not lose it. Its a good hat" In-ho said getting a look from his son who gave a bow back.

"No I wont, thanks Sir!" He responded bowing

"I dont think your mother would like you losing it"

He saw his son's eye get bigger and he almost laughted at it.

"N-no, she would hate me for that"

"Hate its a strong world. She would be angry but im sure it would pass" In-ho said now a full smile on his face.

"...Yeah but she wont let me play videogames if I lost it" He hear his son whisper. He also took notice of the ice cream now starting to melt. He pulled out his wallet and handed some wones to his son who did not move.

"Your ice cream is melting, this is so you can buy a new one"

"Mom says to never accept things from strangers that everything has a price" His son responded making him smile even more. 

"Your mom its very intelligent, if I tell you my name would you accept it?"

He saw his son brain go wild but at the end nodding.

"Im Oh In-ho"

If his son's eyes could get any bigger then these would be out of his face. His mouth open in suprise.

"You....you and me- we"

"IN-HO!! IN-HO DEAR WHERE ARE YOU" The desesperated screams from you cut his son's words off.

"MOM!!" In-ho called turning back seeing you going towards him with Yejun and Yejun's mom behind.

"What did I tell you about staying with Yejun?" You asked checking him for any injury "What happened ? Why did you got separated?"

"A strong wind took my hat and then this man returned it and even offered me money to buy ice cream since mine is melting-"

"Men? What men?" Yejun's mom asked looking around

"What? He was right...there" In-ho said to a now empy space with only some wones on the floor now.

"We should go back. I will tell the police to check this zone" Yejun's mom adviced you taking his own kid's hand.

"Yes, lets go In-ho"

"But mom! The Man and I had the same name!!" In-ho said all too happy to notice the look on your face.

"What..."

"Yes!! He told me his name was In-ho too, and that since I knew his name I could take the money"

For a few seconds you did not move or say a thing. It could...no it could not be. Maybe it was another men with the same name.

"Lets go In-ho. I will get you another ice cream on the way home"

"But mom the money..."

"Leave it, and you are grounded"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

For your son that day was lost in his memory like many others. For you it was a day that made you get hope back. Hope that maybe just maybe In-ho was alive and because of the danger he was not showing himself.

But even if that was the case. Time passed, and never a thing like that one happened again.

Jun-ho had listened to your rant that same night on the phone trying to calm you down while thinking that he would kill his brother. He came next day as a suprise visit for In-ho but it was to make sure you were alright.

And so, four more years passed. Your son now ten years old full of life. A top student, a kind soul.

He was now able to go on his own between home, school and your flower shop.

Yes, after lots of goes and backs you managed to start your own flower shop. It did take time but you were glad you did. It was the only one in the town and was near your house and In-ho's school.

Jun-ho had said it was fitting for you. He was there during all the tedious process till the big opening.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

"I will be going for his birthday" Jun-ho said to his brother in his aparment in Seoul.

"He will be ten by now" In-ho whispered drinking some beer Jun-ho had.

"Yes, (Y/N) planned a big party for him" Jun-ho said smiling at your different ideas

"She is a good mother" In-ho said smiling looking at the empy glass

"...You should go"

"Werent you the one who did threat me last time?  If I did show myself again ?" In-ho asked

"Thats because you ran away like a coward. (Y/N) was paranoid for days and her mental state got bad"

"Yes, thats why its better to go on like this"

"Really? Is this what you want? See your kid grow up from the shadows?"

"Jun-ho.."

"Listen I know, what you do is dangerous and you lied to her. But now its Gi-hun who does most of the things at the Island. You are there more like a face of sorts"

"Jun-ho I lied to her. She thinks im dead"

"I know. But so did I. I lied to her to help you. But I know her, I have know her for the past nine years. She still loves you, and I dare to say she still waits for you to return to her"

"She is good, but she wont ever forgive me.."

"Thats were you are wrong. Will she be angry? Yes, and with reason but will that anger be bigger than her love for you? No. Trust me on this. That woman...she loves you too much. You dont deserve her"

"I know"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

"Uncle!!" The voice of In-ho sounded between the laught and other kid's voices.

Jun-ho smiled, seeing how tall he had got. Each day he looked more and more like a perfect mix of you and his brother.

"Hello Sport" Jun-ho called back messing up his hair.

"Stop it! Mom does this enough" In-ho said separating and re doing his hair.

"Does that mean you dont want your birthday gift  ? Directly from Seoul ?" Jun-ho asked crossing his arms and smiling when he saw the quick change in expression.

"No-no!! Of course I want it" In-ho said taking Jun-ho's shirt and seeing behind his back. "Where is it?!!"

"Wait wait, your birthday its tomorrow" Jun-ho said pulling him away but still smiling "Why dont we get some ice coffee for your mom and some ice chocolate for you?" He asked and his newphew nodded.

"Yes! Mom said there is someone getting married next town and they left her tons of work" In-ho started to say walking towards the coffee store knowing the route by memory with Jun-ho besides him.

"Really? And she can handle it alone?"

"She hired someone! Not sure who he is, does not talk much. Dark hair and kind of tall"

Probably someone In-ho himself sent Jun-ho tought rolling his eyes

"Uncle?"

"Mhm?"

"Are you upset?" In-ho inoccent voice asked "I- mom says we need to look out for these who care about and I dont want you to feel bad" In-ho said looking to the side.

Jun-ho smiled, his heart doing jumps at his sweet nephew. It did seem that he had got your caring personality.

"Im fine Sports. Dont worry, lets get you that ice chocolate and a drink for your mom"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

This is a bad idea. In-ho's mind said as he walked the streets down where your store was. You should go back, nothing good will come from this.

In-ho stood just a few meters away from your shop. He sweet alluring smell of the different flowers hitting him.

He saw the guy he had sent to help you (not that you needed to know that) get out with lots of boxes and putting them inside a ban. He drove off. In-ho knew it.

It was now or never, the last chance.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

You moved around the back of the store. Checking different recipes and dates. The weeding next Town have proved to be a challenge for you. So much you had to hire someone to help you out.

But things were going good. Even if some days your body hurt from moving so much. Or your fingers tremble from making the different flower arrangements.

It was worth at the end, seeing the happiness in others. It gave you a sense of...comfort, and part of you liked to think that In-ho watched over you. Specially when you tended the greenhouse right next to the store. The natural smell and the connection with the dirt...it felt good. It grounded yourself.

You would close your eyes and imagine that he was standing there. Just watching you work with a rare yet soft smile, one that was saved only for you.

"Mom? What are your favorite flowers?" You kid had asked when he was seven years old while you two planted some seeds.

"My favorite flower...and from where comes the question?" You asked back passing him something to clean himself up.

"Well...I like games. And animals, but I have a favorite one...and you like flowers"

"So I must have a favorite one then?" You smiled and he nodded

"Well....I think my favorite ones are Iris..and do you know why?"

He said no and you explained.

"There is a thing, called Language of Flowers, and in them Iris means Hope. I believe its a good thing to have"

"But we studied languages at class and that was never mentioned!" In-ho said somehow offended by the fact that such a thing was never teached to him.

"Oh my dear, I can teach you if you want" In-ho agreed almost getting up to go for some papper and pens but you stopped him.

"Shower first"

"But mom-" A single look from you made him stop "Alright"

A few weeks passed, while you were at the store In-ho entered running, almost knocking a few flowers.

"In-ho! No running inside the store" You said getting up and going towards him but he ignored you pulling out his notebook.

"A chrysanthemum Mom!! You are a chrysanthemum" In-ho said signaling a drawing of the flower then an arrow and a silly draw of you.

"What..."

"Because, chrysanthemum means eternal beauty !! And mom, you are beautiful and eternal" In-ho said showing you the meaning under the draw.

You cried hugging him.

"Mom? Are you...crying?"

"No Son...im just happy. Im just really happy.

The sound of the door opening indicating that a new costumer have arrived made you came back. Not hearing your son or Jun-ho's voice let you knew it was not them.

"One moment please!" You said giving the flower arrangement its final details, the white and pastel yellows giving the cala flowers its final touch.

You left it there and went to the front moving your hair, to try and look less of a mess.

"Welcome! How can I help you-"

Your world stopped. The air in your lungs vanished and your vision went from zero to thousand. A few tears forming.

There was no way, you blinked, maybe you were seeing things again.

But no, there he was. In the flesh. Chest raising and falling indicating that he was alive.

Your In-ho, the Man you loved.

"Hello (Y/N)...we meet again"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

Notes:

ITS FINALLY HERE!! THE END OF THIS SERIES. Thanks a lot for these who read this since part one and waited till this end. I had a hard personal time but was able to pull it out!! I truly hope you like it.

And if you are reading this after you read this in one go Thanks too!!

This was my first series. I never really planned on making one. I wanted it to be two parts but I kept adding things. And then the ending got longer as my brain gave my more ideas.

And yes I used flowers for meaning, I google them! So if something is wrong...well sorry.

Questions you may have:

Is this really the ending?

A) YES!! This is the ending. Its happy or sad ? Not even I know, I would call it bittersweet.

Would you ever write more for this?

A) If I do its going to be pieces of them as family but nothing complex.

What was In-ho doing these nine years?

A) Working as the Front Man and being too scared too approach the love of his life. But he kept a close eye on her.

Why is Gi-hun now helping with the games?

A) Easy, because its a fanfic and I wanted that end for him. Besides i feel like it fits him. He is too broken to go back to a normal life.

The guy (Y/N)'s hires is the guard from S2 EP7 ?

A) Well he dies in canon but you can think its him but older!!

Did Jun-ho felt romantic feelings for (Y/N) at some point?

A) Up to you to decide! I dont think (Y/N) would ever move from In-ho so I can assure you. She never slept with Jun-ho or had any interest in him as a romantic partner.

What happened to (Y/N)'s brother?

A) Up to you! But he never shows again in her life and In-ho Jrs does not know about him.

Did my favs survive the games?

A) Again, up to you!!

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

Tags:

@maria-trisha @blueyesuguru @imenekiki @victorie767 @futuristicdefendorfart @heyitsmefall

@love-you-louise @fantasylovestoryme @sleepyycatt @nightdark-dreamdark @lindsay00000 @ourlovesarang @smally97 @zigmasstuff @aleemendoz @the-disaster-in-waiting

@ilovequeen978 @sc4rrc @sylviavf @l4venderia @blueeclipsepaperstudent @annasnape7 @llawlietluv @florgenegrastuff @luv1ze @jspidey5

@moonoteru @saaraahnger @hope4rain19 @soniiyi @angelmoneter @skywalker0809 @ashsallyblue2 @realrintaro @bellstwd @tojisrealwifey @otterluver05 @yuan1819 @spanish-delulu-23 @lisaannwalterlover @yodayyy @tenzko @tinylawyerbluebird @istanstraykids

[emloafs]

so you think the mohawk kid stares at his best friend's lips a lil too long, now what?

HAWKMETRI FIC REC! here's a complete list of my favorite Hawkmetri/Binary Boyfriend fanfics for those who need a crash course into this niche brain rot (which no one asked for). Read below!

silver on your tongue, copper on your lips by HearJessRoar | 2k words | CMON YOU ALREADY KNOW! There’s a reason this one of the highest ranked fics in their ao3 tag. It’s so them. Fighting turned makeout sesh? Spectacular give me fourteen of them right now. Couldn’t tell you how many times I've read this...

The Cobra Effect by slrandomperson | 6.9k words | THIS ONEEE everyone knows this one everyone loves this one. This fic invented the ‘what if Eli DIDN’T break dem’s arm’ trope imo. This fic walked so others could run. Still the best of its kind.

Spoilers for My Valentine by Asphodelia ( @asphodel-storm) | 11.9k words | If you are going to read any fic, READ THIS ONE! Takes place around s3, but Demetri does his best to not only snap Eli out of his red-Hawk evil phase but also woo him by reminding him (and spoiling) of all the nerd shit he likes. It is as good as it sounds. I go back to this one ALL the time.

I don’t care what you call me (as long as you call me) by Anonymous | 4.2k words | I’ll say this for multiple fics, but this is my favorite hawkmetri fic. It’s so fun and fluffy and SO THEM. basically eli is like call me whatever and demetri finds the perfect opportunity to do something very funny and also some wooing.

this is our get along shirt by Anonymous | 3.8k words | Listen maybe I just like fics where Demetri successfully turns Eli back to the light side simply by reminding him of the good in the things he used to hate about himself/his life. In this fic, circa s3, Demetri wears all of the old clothes Eli left at his house to get his attention. Eli gets PISSED. It is everything to me. 

One Of The Finer Things in Life by Ithinkwehaveanemergency | 4k words | Eli basically being like “oh no he’s hot” after seeing Demetri shirtless. Fluffy and also hot and so well written. As always, this author captures them perfectly. It’s funny and it’s cute and I love it.

And I Will Not Fall Hard This Time by Ithinkwehaveanemergency | 12.7k words | Another one from this author!! Essentially, Eli and Dem become friends with benefits in college and don’t think that will end poorly for them at all.  Note: If you don’t like NSFW, this one is not for you, but i personally love a little spice when it’s well done. Everything about this fic makes my heart hurt. Like they’re so gone for each other but they SUCK AT COMMUNICATING. I’ve read this one so many times too. So many kisses for this fic. Like it has a chokehold on me I can’t explain

Always Thinking I Could Love You More by Ithinkwehaveanemergency | 6.5 words | Listen if you know me you know I love a fic that centers around Hawk’s hair. Essentially Hawk dyes his hair and Demetri is STARING. Bestie Yasmine is here to meddle. (can you tell i really like this author?)

lavender haze by youngervolcano | 3.1k words | This one is light and FUNNY. Classic everyone thinks they’re dating but them. Very cute quick read.

andisol by samemoon ( @carmendiazbian) | 25k (incomplete) | Don’t get me started on this one!!! The way my heart HURT reading it!!! Takes canon and changes it a little, but essentially a deeper look at Eli after s3, slowly mending Demetri and Eli’s relationship, and a look at how they got where they are now. I need to reread this one again because it is just one of the most well-written hawkmetri fics I’ve come across. It’s not completed, but I assure you it is still worth the read. 

Who You Are Inside by Asphodelia ( @asphodel-storm) | 4.9k words | I just think this one is neat! ‘His Dark Materials’ AU with daemons - I know absolutely nothing about that world, yet I still really liked this! Follows canon but with animal companions that are actually your soul/their shape reflects your soul. Childhood Eli and Demetri and falling back together with a dash of a soulmate trope. So fun if you love a tad of a fantasy element!!

Second Chances by Asphodelia ( @asphodel-storm) | 31k words | Is this one realistic in the slightest? No! But I loved it! Essentially this is what would happen if Pre S1 Eli swapped bodies with S3 Eli. Has some really strong parts and the premise is so silly but endearing that I love coming back to it. Good characterization too! Again, a nod to anyone who loves a little fantasy (another Asphodelia fic!)

Or you could read one of my fics if you feel so inclined.

Be sure to check ratings and warnings! Only read what you like!

[orbitariums]

christopher moltisanti x black! reader (snippet) as promised literally LAST YEAR... i know my people are still waiting on it i'm so sorry for leaving yall hanging, gays can u ever forgive me?

this is a SNIPPET of the shit i literally started last week... there's room for improvement and hopefully this will force me to finish this. also if any of y'all are also into challengers, i've got some patrick zweig and art donaldson (x black reader) fic posted and more incoming ehehehe.

anyway. set in like s3/s4, when christopher was working in an office (completely blanking on when that actually was but you'll have to forgive me i literally started this last summer (and still haven't finished the sopranos because i am notoriously slow at finishing tv shows))

cappuccino w/ extra cream | christopher moltisanti x black!reader

contains: smut, mentions of racial tension, christopher is NOT an abusive racist in this sopranosverse <3

You and Christopher Moltisanti were not a predictable match. It was only by chance that you met, while he was ordering lunch at the bodega you worked at after he had scored a hit in your neighborhood. He knew better than to come back, especially just for you, but he did. Over and over he came in, ordering a turkey and cheese on a roll with extra relish, shoving an inappropriately large tip in the tip jar just for you— just enough times until you caved in and let him take you out to dinner.

Of course, your family had a fit, and you didn’t even want to think about what Christopher went through with his crew when it came time to finally tell them about his forbidden love life. But all of the ruckus had died down, and now between the two of your crews was this unspoken, stifled agreement that they would let this union exist in peace. It was the 90s for god’s sake, and Christopher was a stubborn mule. 

Once he knew what he wanted, there was no backing down, even if it made him look like an idiot to those whom he served. And by god, did he want you. He was obsessed with you. Always wining and dining you, showing you off without shame. Of course, you two had been through your ups and downs, but Christopher treated you right. You were probably the first woman he’d treated right, the first he cared for unconditionally. No pains in sight except those he took to spoil you and cherish you beyond the diamonds and Versace pumps he gifted you. Even Paulie could respect it, along with the rest. It’s partially why they left it alone, and even smiled and shook your hand when you showed up on his arm. He thought about you every waking moment, he was positively lovestruck. 

It was a slow day at the office. Already Christopher had to reprimand Thing One and Thing Two for trying to intimidate the new guy. He was secluded now in his office, scrolling aimlessly on his chunky desktop computer when he heard a knock at the door.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me, baby!” came your voice, tinkling like bells in his ear and positively soaring through the room from the other side of the door. 

Christopher stood up, standing straight as if he’d just downed a shot of espresso, and he had to physically resist flinging himself at the door for the sake of the guys outside who were watching him. He opened it, first looking past you and glaring at the guys who had frozen on their phones and computers, gaping at the sight of you being let into Christopher’s office. Like they’d never seen anybody before. 

“What are you jerkoffs looking at?” Christopher barked. “Get back to work!”

Immediately resumed the punching sounds of typing and the drawls of the sleazy salesmen on the phone with their poor customers. As if it were nothing, Christopher retreated back, facing you with a broad, charming smile.

“YN, baby… what are you doin’ here?” he asked, that dopey lover boy tinkle sneaking into his voice, which always did anytime he talked to you. He sounded like a completely different person— like the Chris he might have been if he weren’t born into the family he was born into. He took your arms into his hands, caressing them gently, softly smiling. “Here, come in.”

He opened the door wide enough for you to come in, glared at everyone once again when you walked past, and then closed it, clicking the door locked. Not that anyone would try to come in unannounced anyway.   

“Wanted to see you, that’s all,” you smiled, plush lips pressed against one another. “Got off work early, got you a capp and chocolate biscotti. Extra creamy, just how you like it.”

You sat down at the chair opposite his desk, setting down two coffee cups and a crinkly paper bag. Christopher felt like he was dreaming. His discontent seemed to fade away now that you were here— bright colors replaced the dull dram palette of his lonely office and he only had eyes for you. The smell of creamy espresso wafted towards him, mingling with the praline swirls of perfume that glided off of your pressure points. He was in Heaven— he was sure of it. All of his senses were overwhelmed by beauty when he was around you. 

“My girl. Always so sweet,” Christopher picked up a cup and sat down in his desk chair across from you. He pried open the lid and took a deep sniff, all the while maintaining the most tantalizing eye contact with you, both of you staring at each other with smirking smiles painted on your lips. 

“Go on, drink it,” you prompted him, unable to hide the smile from your voice. 

“What, I can’t look at you instead?” Christopher crooned back. “C’mere. Come, sit on my lap. Sitting across from me, what are you, a client?”

You shook your head, laughing at Christopher’s incessant demands to always be close to you, always be looking at you. He was always touchy-feely and lovey-dovey. His affinity for physical touch lurked not so far beyond the cold mobster exterior. You got up anyway, slinked over to him, and sat. One leg crossed over the other, the skin of one thigh sinking into the other. He wrapped his arms around you and nuzzled his chin into your shoulder, gazing up at you. 

“Your hair looks nice,” Christopher commented, gently grabbing a handful of your fresh auburn-colored braids and stroking his hand through the gaps.

“Oh, thank you,” you snaked a hand through your hair, tilting your head so you could see Christopher better. 

“You go to that salon? Put it on my card?”

“Of course, baby. Thank you,” you smiled coyly, kissing his cheek with a loud smack.

“You just tell me anytime you need to get your hair done. With you, it’s every two weeks, but I can’t complain.”

You snickered,

“Yeah, until I make you sit there and wait for me for six hours to get some braids.”

“I dunno how you do it. You’ve got patience like nobody else,” Christopher replied, pushing some of your braids to the other side.

“We have patience like no other.”

Christopher looked down at your skirt— a tight pencil skirt that matched the brown hues of your skin and hugged your curves nicely. You matched it with a blazer and a white blouse. You looked so sexy and professional, and elegant.

“And this skirt,” Christopher continued, layering on the compliments with a renewed curiosity, the kind of curiosity that wanted to know what was under the skirt. His hands, rough and large, found their way onto your lap and your thigh. His hands, marred and toughened from his profession, felt nothing like your buttery smooth skin, but still, you found yourself melting into his touch. Your wispy lashes brushed against your cheek as your eyes fluttered slightly closed. 

“Burberry. You like it?” you bit down on your lip, giving him doe eyes as you craned your neck to coo at him. 

A deep smirk set on Christopher’s lips and his thick brows rose slightly. His hands left your body for only a moment to raise up in the air as if considering the question, then they were right back where they belonged, 

“Do I like it? I wanna fuck you with it on.”

Your mouth dropped.

“Christopher!” you enunciated each syllable, glaring back at him with twinkling, faux scandalized wide eyes. 

“What? I can’t be honest anymore?” Christopher asked, his words beginning to sound muffled as he pressed his lips against your neck ever-so-gently, but enough so that you could feel it. “I’m Catholic. Lying is a sin.”

“What’re you doing, Chris?” you scoffed, rolling your eyes amusedly. You wouldn’t keep up this facade for long, but he would play along and break down your walls. 

“You smell so fucking good,” Christopher practically inhaled your scent, his big nose pressed against the nape of your neck. “You got more of this stuff?”

You frowned slightly, remembering that you were savoring the last of it,

“I’m almost out.”

“I’ll get you more,” Christopher replied immediately. “Make that your signature scent.”

You chuckled at Christopher’s insistence, his matter-of-fact way of speaking about certain things. Not controlling, but honest about what he wanted. 

“Okay, I will,” you grinned. 

Christopher pushed away your braids so that one side of your neck was completely bare for him to continue peppering kisses upon. It was clear to you that he wanted more than just this, as sweet as it was. And you wanted it too, but not without teasing him first. 

“I want you right now,” Christopher said, a certain desperation tinged in his voice that only you could provoke. He knew he’d have you, and could have you… but still, every time, he seemed to rescind into this character of the enthralled lover boy who didn’t quite have the girl. Like he was still ordering sandwiches from the other side of the counter and telling you to keep the change. 

“Christopher! You’re at work. What if someone hears?”

Christopher snorted through his nose, 

“I don’t give a fuck. ‘Sides, only thing those jerkoffs can hear is the sound of their own 

mouth-breathing.”

You giggled, but half-heartedly, trying to catch your breath. Christopher wasn’t the only one who was defenseless in this relationship. You wouldn’t be able to guess it right away, but he had you wrapped around his finger too, right along with his Cuban ring. Everything he did positively enraptured you, even if it made him dangerous. But when you were with him, everything was swathed in the softest fabrics, and the air smelled of fresh linen and fields of flowers. None of the blood and tears that his work consisted of. 

You crumpled under his touch, easily. He knew you, mind, soul, and more presently, body. The room was silent, bar for the slightest sounds of lips against your neck and fabric swishing against itself as he eased his hand further up your thigh, pushing underneath your skirt. By now his kisses against your neck had you tilting your head back in pleasure, your lips slightly parted. You could feel the outline of his cock against your ass and wanted nothing more than to get closer. Each time you saw each other it was like you hadn’t seen each other in years, would never see each other again. The passion never dissipated. 

His hand crept further and further until it reached the side of your panties, lifting the elastic band and then letting it slap against your skin. His kisses against your neck grew deeper and traveled up to your chin, his other hand wrapped around your waist tightly. You gasped slightly at Chris’ suggestive touch.

“Christopher…” you whispered, your voice reduced to a weak shiver, lids becoming heavy. 

“What?” he responded, his breath heavy. 

“Please, I need you to touch me.”

“Where?” Christopher asked, fighting the smile that was pulling at his lips. 

“Here!” you exclaimed with desperation, grabbing his hand and pressing it against the center of your panties where there was a wet mark. 

“Oh, there,” Christopher replied, fingers pressing into you over the delicate fabric. 

“Yes, please,” you whimpered, your whole body beginning to tense up as if preparing for sweet impact. 

You were relieved when you felt him push your panties to the side and you could finally feel his fingers against your flesh, prodding at your folds as if collecting your wetness along his fingertips. 

“You’re always so wet,” he shuddered, wasting no time and pushing a thick finger into your hole, making you nearly jump out of your seat on his lap. Instead, though, you simply arched your hips up against his finger, letting out a deep exhale. “And so warm.”

“Oh!” you yelped out in pleasant shock when Christopher added another finger, fully stretching you out now and sending a buzzing vibration up your spine. 

“Thought you didn’t want anybody to hear us?” Christopher taunted you, lips hot against your ear. 

“Ugh,” you moaned, rolling your eyes. “Just—please.”

“Please what?” Christopher asked, all while quickening the pace of his fingers inside you, switching from slow, scissoring motions to a fast slam that caused you to collapse against his chest, your legs pried open. Christopher moaned to himself at the feeling of your wet slick against his fingers, the way he could feel you getting wetter as he pushed his fingers in and out of your hot entrance. 

“Please fuck me,” you whined, your voice taking on an entirely new high pitch as you jolted into the pleasure and the change of pace. 

“‘M gonna fuck you, don’t you worry your pretty little head,” Christopher kept pushing his learned fingers into you, hitting your g-spot with ease. “Gonna make you take my cock.”

“M-mhm,” you gasped out. Chris wanted to see this through, but the way he was straining against his pants was killing him. It was painful not to be able to be inside of you. 

“Fuck, I’m taking this off,” he announced, and you both fumbled together to unzip your skirt and toss it onto the floor. His pants and boxers came next, along with your panties. All thrown carelessly around the room. Then he lifted you and turned you around so you were facing him, straddling him on his desk chair. You were already desperately grinding against the base of his cock, your arousal trailing up his shaft. 

“You’re such a fucking slut,” Christopher’s voice seemed to grind into a growl as he watched you roll your hips desperately against his cock. 

“Please,” you pouted, his words passing through you like a gust of wind— you hardly registered them. You were too busy grabbing at his cock and trying to 

“Why’d you really come here, huh? To get fucked?”

You hated and loved how easy it was for him to turn you into putty. 

more soon i promithhh <3 keep me on my toes yall

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️ Ranking Richonne

#13: I Love You (S8E14)

Ahhhh probably one of the most anticipated exchanges between Rick and Michonne, and of course, it was sensational. This scene powerfully reiterated that these soulmates truly mean the world to each other. And after seasons of communicating those special three words through every look, touch, kiss, and conversation, we finally got to hear Rick and Michonne directly say what's always been true - they love each other 🥰 Wholly, Deeply, and Forever...

This ily moment, adorably spoiled by our lovely captains 😋, is so tender and heartfelt while also being so natural and clear that these two have been verbally expressing I Love You’s for a while. 

(Side note: I know there’s often debate on Rick’s hottest season lookswise, and really you could make a great case for any season, but lemme just place my vote here for season 8 right quick. 😊 Something about Season 8 Rick was extra fine. I feel bad cuz he was in pain all season, which I truly hate to see...but Rick was looking real right even while everything was going wrong ijs. even tho I think Rick Grimes' TOWL era is about to take the cake 🤭)

Something I so love about Rick and Michonne's relationship is that whenever they go through hardship they ultimately step closer rather than apart. They always eventually close the distance, which was evident in this lovely 'I love you' scene.

And I feel grateful that after experiencing such a devastating loss of their son, Carl, (why, TWD, why? 😭) and having to go on their journeys of grief, Rick and Michonne find their way back to each other truly in this moment. It doesn’t always go that way when a couple loses a kid as we’ve seen from other characters in this very series. But for Rick and Michonne, what they have is so unbreakable that, even in the hardest storm, their love still shines through, rises above, guides, and centers them.

So reflecting on Richonne's I Love You scene will forever have me like...

There’s also a beautiful and heart-rending honorable mention scene in this ep where Rick wipes Michonne's tears and Michonne opens up with Rick (and even makes reference to her son Andre 😭) while trying to help him heal at Hilltop instead of running out and about to get away from his grief.

But Rick still has a bit of savage Rick to get out of his system, so he and Morgan go hunt down some saviors first.

(Side note: while we're talking season 8, this 100th ep kiss in the season 8 premiere also deserves a big honorable mention because...🥵🔥🔥)

When Rick returns to Hilltop after wildin out with Morgan, he’s finally gained clarity on what he needs to start focusing on and who he needs to be healing with. Which leads to him saying those three very special words to the very special woman in his life. 🤗

So the scene starts with Rick returning to his room in a clean fresh tee, showing a clean fresh start to me. (Also Rick + a white tee has been a great combo since season 1, y'all) And he finally knows it’s time to let his wife and son guide him and read Carl's letter.

Michonne enters sorta hesitant I think because when Rick and Morgan returned they def looked like they had dabbled in the dark side out in those woods, and so she might be wondering what headspace Rick's in after whatever he just did.

But the thing about magnets is they always find their way back to each other and so Rick's not grown more distant but rather more aware of how he needs to navigate this season with her.

She finds him holding the letter, and Rick first says, "Thank you." Again, I love that Rick always thanks Michonne. Like as early as when they were strangers in s3, Rick has always vocally expressed gratitude for Michonne. And, in this moment, he knows how much Michonne has been his rock during this unbearable time as well as still fighting for their son Carl and his wishes, and so Rick thanks her for it. Her presence in his life is invaluable and he knows it.

Also, I adore the shared breath they both take when he says this. #TheyAreOne. And Michonne's so relieved that Rick has arrived at this point in his grieving journey.

Then Rick says he’s sorry which is also great cuz he knows going out and handling all this alone is not how magnets do. And Michonne is so understanding when she says, "You don't have to be."

It's just more proof that she is the exact kind of loving presence Rick needs in his life because she’s so good at both accountability and empathy. (Also in 4.09, Rick tells Carl sorry, and Carl also responds with, "You don't have to be." 😭)

And then Rick, knowing how blessed he is to have Michonne love him and stand with him through it all, turns to her and so tenderly says, "I love you." Beautiful x10. 🥹✨

I love how melodic it's said. 🥰 It’s this lovely quiet moment and Rick says it truly like it is a reassuring reminder of something he has expressed to her often and feels deeply.

I love that he turns to really look her in the eyes and has this little nod and subtlest smile when he says 'I love you.' And you just know he genuinely means this. It’s so great, and I could replay it 1000 times idc. 

And Michonne really does complete the perfection when she so movingly says, "I love you too." 🥹✨

Again, you can feel how much she means this. The emotion on Rick's face, when he hears his wife say she loves him too shows that he also can feel how much they both mean this, especially as a small tear can be seen. They are everything to each other. 🥲

(Side note: One of the many reasons why I was so elated to hear Rick call Michonne his wife in that TOWL trailer (which I'm still there btw - haven't left since I first heard it 😋) is because we who love their love story of course already knew he views her as his wife (since 2016) and that he'd refer to her as that in the spinoff series, but by saying it in the trailer it showed that this isn't some big reveal they have to wait to say in the new show. Michonne has been his wife for the longest. Rick has viewed her as his wife for seasons. Their marriage is not a new TOWL development, it is an element of TWD. And scenes like this ily scene in season 8 make that crystal clear. (also I cannot wait to hear Rick call Michonne his "wife" even more and to hopefully hear Michonne call Rick her husband 😊)

I adore that we had so many moments of Rick and Michonne communicating 'I love you' to each other in different ways leading up to this point, and then this scene gifted us with the actual direct ILY exchange between them, and of course it was perfect and proof that...

I really feel confident this wasn't intended to be R&M's first time ever saying "I love you" directly either. In this scene, both of them seemed to communicate it in a way that said this is something they've said before and often. (like it feels like they don't show Michonne's facial expression upon hearing Rick say 'I love you' because this isn't a first. She's heard that man tell her this several times before 😋)

I like to think that why these season 8 'I love you's carry so much weight right here and now is because it might be the first time they've said it to each other post-losing Carl. 😭

How heartwarming is it to know that even in a sea of pain, Rick and Michonne still want each other to know that while their whole world has been changed, the one thing that hasn't changed is their love for each other. 🥹

Their love story is just heavenly. To go from staring at each other through a prison fence and thinking they’d patch her up and then she’d be gone to now declaring their love. Perfection. 🙌🏾

And ILY’s do not seem like a phrase either Rick or Michonne take lightly or would just say to anybody. For them to express this and fall in love with someone, the connection was going to have to be deep and special. And what they found with each other is the deepest love so of course they can tell each other these 3 words with ease.

And because Richonne is the gift that keeps on giving the scene doesn’t stop there. Michonne then approaches Rick and lovingly takes his face in her hands as they share a sweet kiss. 🥹

And only Richonne can make their movement after the kiss feel as passionate and intimate as the kiss itself. Cuz after finally connecting like they’ve been longing to do, Rick and Michonne stay in the moment, looking deep into each other's eyes before leaning their heads against each other with that blessed mirror giving us all the angles. 😍

I love that mirror, y'all. 😋 I'm deeming that mirror and the set designer who placed it there some Richonners cuz, baby, they knew what we needed to see...

The way Rick and Michonne touch each other is always electric, and I love that they seriously feel like one as she rests her hand on his heart and he gently moves his hand up her side. These actors are so gifted at not wasting a single moment or action because they communicate Richonne's love in every second of a scene.

(and when richonne inevitably does that signature forehead touch in TOWL, after years apart...y'all I just might ascend to the heavens right then and there 😇)

It’s also sweet the way Michonne looks at Rick before leaving for him to have this time alone to connect with his son and read the letter.

Having the scene end with Rick reading his son's letter in a whole mirror as opposed to the shattered mirror he saw himself in earlier in the ep, is lovely. And it speaks to the power of Richonne that Rick could arrive at this point, ready to slowly but surely start healing. 

“I love you” really is communicated in every Richonne scene. And while season 8 was a weak one overall, one thing it did well was illustrate the stunning strength of Rick and Michonne’s exquisite and powerful love.

And I love knowing that, thanks to TOWL, we're sure to have some more Richonne "I Love You" moments in store. #GiftThatKeepsOnGivingAndGiving 😌

[tennessoui]

I just watched Bridgerton s3, and now I’m rereading your regency au tag and ughhhh it’s so good!! Do you by any chance have any little snippets set after they get together?? 💗💗

after they get together anakin gives obi-wan a lil gift every single day. literally every breakfast, anakin has some small token to give obi-wan and obi-wan had no idea where he’s finding these trinkets and clothes and jewelry because he knows anakin is NOT leaving the house (obi-wan has personally made sure that he is too exhausted to leave the bed, let alone the house)

and then after a month or so anakin does not gift obi-wan anything and like fine whatever obi-wan was never spoiled and he is not spoiled now but like did he do something?? where is his daily gift to start the day?? he is vaguely affronted. anakin does not have little treat? just a little gift???

and then in the afternoon, anakin takes him to the stables where he has a very elegant horse stabled with a very silly bow around its neck

and obi-wan recognizes that horse because anakin tried to give it to him before when they were just trying to be friends and he rejected him because it was too nice of a gift and what would other people think if obi-wan accepted that gift and not anakin’s suit?? It would look bad.

and obi-wan is like what you found the horse I turned down and got him for me now it won’t reflect poorly on either of us? 🥺🥹

and anakin is like no don’t be silly. I never gave the horse back. It was to be a wedding gift to you if you found your match, or a gift to you when you were old and gray if you never did. I’ve kept it since you rejected it

and obi-wan is like wait. You just kept that horse. It’s been months.

and anakin is like I kept everything I bought because of the thought of you that I could not give to you. Where do you think all your trinkets have come from? I can give them to you now and I intend to.

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

Hi Kat! Congratulations on 2k followers congratulations 🍾🎊

May I request Dadvi fluff in pre-liberio; levi with his twin daughters, where Levi take his daughters and his wife to beach?

Thank you!!

hi san!!! i was giggling and kicking my feet as i wrote this, he's 100% the type to spoil his little girls

Drenched | 2K Follower Event | Canonverse Dadvi Drabble

✧ word count ➼ ~750 ✧ notes ➼ post-s3, fluff

"Daddy, can we go play in the water?"

Levi paused, his eyebrows coming together as one of your twins hovered in front of him, basically vibrating with excitement. You could clearly tell that Levi wasn't a huge fan of the idea of the ocean water, likely because he had no idea what was actually in it, no doubt being the actual definition of filthy.

He eventually let out an exasperated sigh.

"Fine," he groaned, "but first thing you're doing is showering once we get home."

You watched as both of your daughters raced each other into the water, grimacing when you saw one of them fall onto their knees, immediately getting drenched in the seawater.

Being outside the Walls made you uneasy. Levi had mentioned that there was a beach at the edge of the island and both your twins immediately began hopping up in excitement, begging to go. You knew that the Titans had long been extinguished, but it still took some getting used to.

Levi watched from the shore as you rolled up your pants and got into the water with your daughters to watch over them in case they tried to go deeper into the water or got hit by a particularly strong wave. They were mostly splashing around and having what looked like the time of their lives exploring the sea for the first time.

Knowing how attached they were to Levi, you weren't surprised when they were whispering amongst themselves as if they were plotting a heist before running out of the water and sprinting towards him at full speed.

By the time you looked up to see where your restless children had run off to, you saw them both trying to tug their unmoving father towards the water, who was already cursing underneath his breath about now having to deal with 'three little shits' on a daily basis.

"It's okay," one of them reassured, sounding completely serious, "if you start drowning, mommy can save you."

It took all your willpower to not burst out laughing both from their comment and the scowl that immediately popped on Levi's face as a result of it. Your children legitimately thought that their father was scared of swimming and that was why he was reluctant to get into the water, having yet to pick up the hint that Levi was avoiding the water because of how filthy it could technically be.

He put up a strong resistance for about thirty seconds before he let the two little girls grab onto him and "drag" him towards the water. He slightly stepped into the water, but kept his boots on so that the water wasn't actually touching him as an unsettled look appeared in his eyes.

"No fair!" the other one protested. "That doesn't count!"

You knew you had to go rescue him at this point.

"Girls, leave him alone or he's going to be grouchy for the entire trip home," you called out, slowly stepping out of the water.

By the time the sun started to set, the girls were worn out, and so were you. You didn't know if you had it in you to chase them across the entire beach again whenever they got enamored by some odd sea creature that you couldn't possibly attempt to name.

You untied the horses and secured their saddles when you looked over and saw Levi furiously patting the girls off with a towel before dropping a fresh set of clothes into their tiny arms.

"Get changed before you get sick," he scolded. "Or I'll have to feed you that bitter medication that you threw a fit about last time."

You immediately heard the girls scream as if their life was on the line as they ran towards the bathroom to change, noting the slight upturn of the corner of Levi's lips as he watched them race each other.

"Didn't expect you to have packed towels and a change of clothes," you muttered as you stepped up to him, "given how reluctant you were to let them get into the water."

Truthfully, he already knew exactly what the twins were going to want to do. He knew his kids, and he knew that they were going to want to fuck around in the water.

"...didn't want them to just be drenched on the ride back to the Walls," he eventually reasoned. "Plus, they're a pain in the ass when they're sick."

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

"After stuckness comes unstuckness"

Reasons why we won

Been working on this meta for 3 days now, but it's worth it.

This confirms what I have been saying in my #Gingerpovs all along. Remember to follow that tag if you want to have a more comprehensive and historical perspective about my meta (and Sydcarmy predictions that have checked out so far), here's what I curated so far in preparation for S4, or as I always called it: The Sydcarmy ENDGAME season.

But first: Let's not forget that Landgraf is a Disney employee and so is Storer.

Here we go, please watch:

Source: Ringer Movies

“You’re at the point now where if you want more than one season of pickup, we can do it. And it may help you because you have actors that are movie stars now; they’re going to want to go do other things, and you can figure out when you’re going to make the shows and when to release them.” And they said, “No, we can’t work that way. We only want one season.” So we picked up one.

What Landgraf is not saying is that this convo he's referring to happened right after S2's amazing numbers started coming in, back in 2023.

Before the Grand Slam happened in Q1 2024:

So this "change of heart" that Storer had when he called Landgraf back once he already got to work on S3 to accept the 4th season that had previously been offered and turned down, took place right after DISNEY FX offered him an obscenely higher amount of money to reconsider, right AFTER THE GRAND SLAM. So Storer had material for a 4th season but ONLY IF he made S3 the LEGERDEMAIN season it ended up being, meaning if he saved for later THE MEAT THE SYDCARMY ENDGAME. And even then Storer said: "I can split the material I have in 2 seasons but only if I have total creative freedom for S3 and can make of it what I please", which BTW was never off the table, but he specifically agreed under that condition because he wanted to deliver a season that he knew was gonna be heavy on the 'stuckness' and mental health breakdown and how the road to recovery from trauma is not linear and it affects everyone else around, like in his real life, aka: an unpopular season.

So instead of delivering a final 3rd season that was 50%/50% (50% blue period / 50% rosé and ending on a happy note), he went for the 3rd season we all watched (100% blue) and a 4th and final season where all that "Stuckness" is gonna get unstuck, as Landgraf is SPOILING (The rosé period where they are gonna win the Star, which I think will be the scenario where Sydcarmy will blossom, because by the time they rotate to the SPRING MENU, the star will be announced, seeing as the spring menus are typically the Masterpieces of all Michelin starred restaurants, so they will most likely win it with it)

But the scripts for S4's last lap (THE SERIES FINALE) are still in the WR as we speak, the reason being that by the time that "double season pickup" was agreed upon (when Storer was offered more money) and that's why he changed his mind, HE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH MATERIAL FOR A 4TH SEASON, HE HAD TO YET COME UP WITH IT:

He may have had a 4th season in mind like I have at least 4 more FF I wanna write and have already been thinking about, some of which I have already plotted, sure! But no, I don't have them yet. So that was a white lie or a literary license Landgraf took when telling this story, TIMING MATTERS.

How will Storer go about that "unstuckness"?

Like this:

Please note that Screenrant used to be a C person stand when Storer was still trying to make that character happen. Now they don't seem to remember her name :)

It all points to Syd, as I always anticipated:

Moreover, it all points to Sydcarmy:

Check the Bonus Track please:

And there is more that Screenrant article is spoiling with complete and total greenlight of Disney and Storer themselves because if you think that Bear S4 INFOMERTIAL was published on the same day as the 2025 Disney promo, S4 teaser and just a couple of weeks after Landgraf said, and I quote:

"THOSE THAT HAVE STAYED WITH IT, THEY'RE GOING TO BE REALLY WELL REWARDED."

think again.

He is in other words saying, all those things you have been bitching about, aka: LACK OF SYDCARMY, LESS CALO, STUCKNESS, and more stuff I went over here, WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF and it's NOT GONNA BE ANOTHER "UNPOPULAR" SEASON. JUST BE PATIENT.

So, that means that we, truthers, may end up having to thank Donna for being THE plot device who brings Syd & Carmy together. Let's not fall into the red herring's trap Storer set for us in that teaser. She's not a DANGER as we all first thought, this new Donna, is a bridge that will connect her son, once he buries the hatchet with her and Syd together. If we think about it, one of the main reasons why Carmy and Syd are not together yet is his trauma, and Donna and his troubled relationship with her are the root cause of it, so once Carmy heals that trauma, having a healthy and loving relationship with a woman, any woman, will be attainable. AKA: BYE C / HI HELLO SYD (which would finally make the edition of the scene below make total sense).

Scratch the "could" because we already know she stayed and signed the agreement as I have been announcing since FOREVER and not just because I'm a truther but because it makes sense plot-wise in terms of Carmy's redemption arc.

Bonus track: UNDER THE TABLE SYDCARMY PODCAST 20TH EP For more details about S4 and more predictions and theories, etc, please listen to our podcast on Mixcloud.

Shoutout to @unladyboss for the YT vid.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[genericpuff]

The Mishandling of LO’s S3 Mi(n)season Hiatus - Part 3 2/2

ALRIGHT. THIS IS THE LAST PART. I MEAN IT THIS TIME.

I had completely forgotten how long the mi(n)season finale for S3 was, but I suppose it makes sense considering it was operating as the true cliffhanger before the 4 month break.

If you haven't read the first 3 parts of this episodic breakdown, please go check these ones out first:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 1/2

Alright, let's get this show on the road!

CAUTION: THIS IS PART 2 OF THE THIRD PART OF A 3 + 1 PART SERIES IN WHICH I WILL BE SPOILING MUCH OF EPISODES 251-253. THIS EPISODE CONTAINS TOPICS SURROUNDING SEXUAL ASSAULT. THIS WILL BE A LONG POST. BRACE YOURSELF.

We've gotten delusional Leuce. We've gotten erasure of the SA. We've gotten a complete bastardization of the original myths that this story got its claim to fame on. The dread has set in, and all I want to do is get off Mr Bones' Wild Ride. But we have one more stretch of mind-numbing track to go, because the reveal of Persephone starting winter was not the end, oh no. The true cliffhanger of this episode - upon which the fans and critics alike have sat on for 4 months - proves that when we think Rachel has gotten crazy enough in this circus she calls a "retelling", she manages to prove that yes, she can make things even crazier, and no, you will not have a good time.

Ironically, despite that opening, I actually have a lot less to say about this last part of Episode 253 than I did about the first part. Obviously there's no feasible way to top "Persephone causes winter", but this episode does come rather close in its absurdity. Ultimately, if these essays have proven anything, it's just how much Rachel retcons things, to such an extent now that she seems to be retconning or outright forgetting information that she established just a handful of episodes prior. You'll see what I mean here as we go along in this.

As soon as it's hinted at that Persephone has started winter, we cut away to Apollo. Because, as per LO tradition, we can't spend longer than 10-15 panels on a single scene.

Already this seems like... really odd framing.

This is Apollo. A character who has been a villain since basically the beginning of the comic, when he sexually assaulted Persephone. This is not something that's up for debate. This is not something that can be refuted, as much as the comic may try to erase it or twist it into something else.

And yet, the vibe I get from this is, "Misled but good-deep-down character being taken advantage of by a sinister being." This isn't the type of framing we should be seeing around a character like Apollo.

I mentioned it ages ago in my post about the SA erasure that it really feels like Rachel is slyly trying to make Apollo empathetic, from giving us an entire episode in his perspective to adding extra panels into the books to making Persephone weirdly reminiscent of feelings for Apollo that she never had.

One thing I also touch on in that post is how Apollo is framed against Zeus. Zeus is also a villain character for much of the series, and even after he's "redeemed", the fanbase still considers him largely to be an antagonistic force. So to have Apollo be trying to take down Zeus comes across as very "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" and I really don't like seeing that framing when it's regarding a rapist.

And this scene largely feels the same. It feels like Rachel's trying to sway the audience into believing Apollo is like Draco Malfoy - a misled boy who "didn't know any better" and was being manipulated by a greater evil. If you haven't guessed by now, that "greater evil" is Ouranos.

Why is it Ouranos? In my opinion (so take this with grains of salt) this is because they need to somehow "one up" Kronos and give Persephone and Hades a tangible force to fight against, to draw a clean line in the sand between "good" and "evil" so that we, the audience, will be forced to categorize Persephone and Hades as "good" and someone else as "evil".

But really, why Ouranos? We're told that he manipulated Gaia to use her powers in an attempt to create "hierarchy" (whatever the FUCK that means, I don't think Rachel really understands how societal hierarchies are created) but there's NOTHING to imply that he was tyrannical or "evil" in the same way that Kronos has been depicted. Rachel's basically submitting this whole plotline to "well it's in the prophecy" but there was NOTHING dictating that she had to try and write a "prophecy" storyline to begin with. So as a result, it feels very tacked on and it's hard to tell what the point is, it really just seems like Rachel watched too much Marvel one week and decided that Lore Olympus - a fantasy romance - needed a big bad.

And by extension it feels like Apollo is being used as a pawn in this dynamic. By making him subservient to an "evil" force, it means he can labelled as definitively "evil", and thus it gives Rachel a vehicle to have Apollo taken down - or even perhaps empathized with much like in the Draco Malfoy sense - without having to touch the SA plot that she set up and never resolved.

He was evil before, but he wasn't the kind of evil that Rachel could write around. Because she doesn't know how to write SA or give her female characters any sense of retribution or agency. We've seen that already with her robbing Demeter of winter and Persephone of her feelings regarding the SA. There was never going to be a chance in hell she was going to be able to write herself out of a plotline she's been procrastinating for 4+ years.

That said, this is just a vibe I get, so I'm not gonna speak on it much more. This is one of those "we're really not gonna know until the comic returns" situations.

Once again, Rachel's trying to make Apollo seem like a "master manipulator", but she's also trying to make him seem like he's the one being manipulated, but she's ALSO trying to write him as a big dumb idiot who literally can't grasp consent. Apollo has to be one of the most inconsistently written characters in the entire comic, and yes, that includes Persephone. Again, it just goes to show she hasn't been able to fully commit to the SA plotline because Apollo's motivations and intelligence levels change with each passing episode. Sometimes he's being nefarious and plotting to overthrow the King, other times he's literally asking a nymph if she'd be willing to cut her hair to look like Persephone. The comic can't choose and so we, the audience, can't tell why Apollo is even still here.

Again, this is SUCH bizarre framing. If we're to believe that Persephone has been "cursed" by no longer being able to create Spring, only Winter, then does that make Ouranos and Apollo the heroes here? Because Ouranos is right, if Persephone is causing winter, that's going to kill the mortals, which is the complete OPPOSITE of what she's trying to do. So what are we left with? A plotline where Apollo and Ouranos might actually have a point about how she rushed into a marriage with the King of the Underworld and sacrificed everything that gave her agency and power - both metaphorically and literally - in the process?

Again, this is why Rachel fundamentally misunderstands the original purpose of The Hymn to Demeter and how she's, by and large, made her retelling worse in an attempt to be "subversive". It puts the plot and character motivations in a place where it's hard to tell what the story is trying to say, I can understand if maybe Rachel's trying to write a conflict where Apollo uses this information to manipulate her, but it doesn't help that knowing EVERYTHING we know about the H x P relationship within the context of this comic, Ouranos has a point that Persephone's union with the King of the Dead is problematic. It might not be the same "problematic" that we're all thinking of, but it really just reinforces the criticisms of this relationship. Is the comic really asking us to say "fuck the human race, they're in love" ??? Because that's NOT what the point of the original myth was in the slightest and it's just a really weird place to put your audience in.

It's 4:45 AM right now as I'm typing this so my thoughts are a little scattered, but all this really feels like is an attempt on Rachel's part to create a new "big bad" for her to use as a distraction from the SA plot and to give Persephone a "flaw", but that "flaw" really only takes away the strength of another character.

Oh, and by the way? This whole "you need the fertility goddess" thing? THE COMIC HAS ALREADY TOLD US THIS WON'T WORK BECAUSE SHE HAS TO BE IN LOVE WITH APOLLO FOR HIM TO BE ABLE TO USE HER POWERS. SO RACHEL'S ALREADY WRITTEN HERSELF INTO A CORNER THAT SHE'LL EITHER HAVE TO SOLVE OR RETCON ENTIRELY. DO YOU SEE WHY THIS IS SO ABSURD???

This line is kind of jarring because we had the Kassandra prophecy at the beginning that talked about the herb, but the prophecy Ouranos is talking about is the one about the sons of kings overthrowing their fathers. I definitely forgot about that one for a hot second reading this, I didn't get how this sequence related to the poisonous plant thing because they're framed as completely separate prophecies. It's not like Kassandra said in her initial prophecy that this plant would be used to overthrow a King again, she just said that the plant still existed and Psyche figured it out on her own that Apollo was gonna use it on Zeus. IDK that's just something that bugged me (also again, why are they believing her prophecies when we literally just had it established an episode ago that no one believes her prophecies LMAO)

Because if it wasn't enough for LO to have one Evil Robot Jeff Bridges villain, it had to throw in another one for good measure. It's just a line of dads and grandpas going back centuries waiting for their turn in the ring with Persephone.

lmao I love this 'hint' at Apollo being the one to write the note from Hebe and leave the cupcake for Zeus. Like... duh? We already put that together as SOON as Psyche said gasp "Zeus!" and then it showed Zeus eating the cupcake while Psyche called him on the phone telling him Apollo was gonna try and harm him. This sequence of 'revealing what really happened' doesn't work here because we've already been told what happened.

Except we know he won't. There's no tension to this whatsoever.

That's Hebe by the way.

It's odd that Apollo is embracing this prophecy when he has a kid himself. He literally has a fully grown son in this comic. I guess Apollo forgot about that, just like Rachel.

And that's it. That's the midseason finale. Ouranos is the new twist villain and Apollo is... whatever the fuck Rachel plans on doing with him.

Now, this leads me to my original motivation to create this series of reviews. It spawned from a conversation we were having in the Discord, discussing what it must be like to be a free reader who hasn't paid for the FP episodes that are still behind a paywall. This is not standard for LO, it hasn't kept FP episodes behind paywalls in the past during long hiatuses like this. I can even prove this with screenshots from the Wayback Machine, during the last midseason hiatus:

(whoof, that rating has dropped. I know it doesn't seem like much but for a series with millions of readers, by law of averages it takes a LOT of poor ratings to pull that number down compared to a series that only has a few readers)

Point is, this is the first time Rachel/WT have done this. Now, I will make this perfectly clear, I don't think this was a decision that was purely on Rachel. WT controls much of the backend like paywall costs, release dates, etc. so I'm not gonna go pinning this on her.

However, I do think this is a completely bungled attempt at trying to get people to pay up. LO has been dropping in views steadily but surely since the midseason break for S2. It's not pulling in the peak numbers that it used to, while it does still pull in a lot more views and money than other series on the platform, it's nowhere near the juggernaut that it once was in terms of record-breaking numbers, and I think WT knows that. So this really comes across as a stunt to get readers to FP, assuming that people will HAVE to pay if they're left waiting for 4 months.

But here's the flaw in that logic - people are still going to have to wait 4 months anyways. Reading those 3 locked episodes, especially all at once, will still leave you in the same place as you were beforehand.

And it shows in the numbers that people aren't falling for the bait.

Again, 17k likes still isn't anything to sneeze at for a FP episode, but it's still just barely above the new average that LO has gained over the past two years. I remember a time when those like counts would be 30k+. And now, despite being on break 4 months with these episodes still locked behind a wall, it's barely able to scrap by its new average of roughly 14-15k, and that average is when episodes are actually updating.

Obviously like counts = / = viewcounts but when they fluctuate, we know that the views have to be as well by extension, at least to some extent, and that's still engagement that's dropped of in and of itself. And we can also see a rough look at how the views have dropped off through the comic's landing page. Now, it's hard to compare data because there was a time when WT actually didn't give follower/view counts on the landing page (this was also when the like count capped at 99k) but we can still see a downslide in growth very visibly in the view count, sub count, and most of all, the rating, which has been steadily dropping for years now.

August 2020:

May 2021:

November 2021:

March 2022 (don't get confused by the 995 million, this is where view count comes in):

September 2022:

March 2023:

Today (October 24th, 2023):

Again, there's no way to get a true clear picture of LO's stats beyond this surface level data, but it does show that LO is just not getting the rapid growth it used to. People are moving on from it. And while its view and sub count are steadily increasing (albeit slowly for a webtoon that gets as much marketing as it does) the average rating is going down. It's clear that the majority of LO's growth happened between 2018 and 2020, which would make sense as the series was still relatively new compared to how it's become old news today, and Webtoons experienced a boom in 2020 due to the COVID-19 lockdowns - a boom that they think still applies in the year 2023, judging by their attempts to import as many series onto the platform as possible and capitalize on an audience that just isn't there anymore.

All of this leads me to wonder - what's in it for free readers after all this? Because if you recall from where we started, the cliffhanger they started on was Hades - possessed by Kronos - attempting to strangle Persephone, a cliffhanger that was resolved within seconds for FastPass readers. If they don't FastPass after that, they'll be met with numerous reveals that don't even make sense for the plot as a whole (such as Leuce making up the text messages).

Again, I don't want to claim that this was a decision on Rachel's part, but it really seems like either she didn't plan this hiatus, or her inability to write naturally without the need for addictive-style formatting as a crutch made it so that the free readers would be given the worst midseason premiere ever.

And what are we, the FastPass readers, going to return to? There are still so many plot threads that have been left unresolved, multiple villains being setup, and as far as Webtoons and Rachel have revealed during NYCC, LO is supposed to end by the spring. That's 20-30 weeks TOPS, which isn't exactly a whole lot of wiggle room for a writer like Rachel who's chronically bad at pacing and getting to the point of the plots she's established.

I know there are so many readers right now anticipating the return of this comic, some of whom genuinely believe this comic is "better than ever" and others who are critical of it but hope that the comic will come back in a better state after the hiatus. But right now there's so much evidence to support the contrary - that LO is about to come back in as bad, if not worse, condition than it was in when it left.

And through all this, for a comic that's finally ending after 5 years, I have to ask - where is the hype? Why are Webtoons and Rachel keeping the finale of this comic behind closed doors? Where's the promotional art, the hinting at what's to come, the attempts to generate any semblance of excitement for the readers who are still left after clinging onto this ride for 5 years? Why were the fans themselves barred out of their own communities during the majority of the hiatus?

And that just leads me to an even more discouraging thought. This is not meant to accuse Rachel or make assumptions. It's simply a thought that I had while thinking about what the series could possibly pull upon its return, so please, take this with MOUNTAINS of salt. It's one thing I hadn't considered with the knowledge that LO will be returning with 3 episodes still behind a paywall, a 'buffer' in and of itself for Rachel to work off of.

Rachel only technically needs one episode ready for the release. Not three as she normally would if the episodes had been unlocked like in previous hiatuses. That's not including whatever buffer episodes she would need beyond the upload schedule, but she's proven to be chronically bad at maintaining a buffer as well since day one.

We haven't seen any promotional art. No hinting. No hyping beyond what's been seen for her "Rachel Smythe Presents" series.

With all that in mind, I have one question to leave this on:

Has Rachel even started working on Episode 254 yet?

[zabala0z]

Okay. So. Hi. I’m your host who is rethinking life??? Or just thinking a lot right now, my brain got so much information. I would’ve posted sooner but I needed a couple hours to get my bearings yall ⛹️‍♀️ anyways! The final 4 episodes of TMA s2!!!

I’m not gonna do my usual format but to start with: I knew Elias was a bastard. I knew it, I CALLED IT. I mean it was pretty obvious but I’m just happy I figured it out. Although I’m very destroyed over the fact Sasha is definitely dead. Like I heard Dekker in MAG 78 and even then I was still in denial until Leitner said “yeah no she’s dead”

In MAG 79, I’m mostly pissed at Michael. Like the moment it put Tim and Martin through its creepy ass doors, I was just like full wheezing out of shock. I wheezed a lot today. Michael does not seem to know shit about humans too since it was like “I…I think it’s called a sport”. Love Michael but also stop being so cryptic oh my god. Also Not Sasha was low key horrifying. Like props to Michael and Not!Sashas voice actors because man I have never felt my muscles seize up like I did when hearing them.

Not Sasha mentioned like being sent to the house of its enemy that had the biggest eyes you ever saw. I thought the enemy was the institute but later I found out…no. Oh yeah! Mag 80! What the hell!

Jurgen Leitner being like “yeah my assistants kinda were killed a lot” like okay go supporting boss. I did not predict it was LEITNER who was living in the tunnels. It’s nice he worked with Gertrude though.

Also, these entities. Again, I was vaguely aware of some since their name was thrown around but I didn’t really realize the extent. Jon mentioned Michael and Leitner refers to it as “The Distortion” and that’s its part of “The Spiral”. AND THATS WHERE FRACTALS COME FROM. God.

Also, when Leitner and Elias are talking, Leitner talks about “the Stranger” and Elias asks what they call it which is “The Unknowing”. The last episode, Not Sasha says that Jon will miss the Unknowing but he wouldn’t understand so I’m assuming the replacement things fall under The Stranger

One final thing I noticed was that he mentioned his assistants getting killed on that day of the attack and all the ways they got killed or I dunno attacked, corresponds with different themes from other statements

“Stabbed through the throat by something with too many teeth and weird limbs”- the replacement things (The Stranger)

“Pulled into a cavernous maw that opened beneath her”- I think this is related to The Butchers Window where Jared Hopworth would throw bones down that pit with teeth

“Gregory Todd ran into a door that shouldn’t have been there”- Michael. What are you doing 💀 (The Spiral)

“A great hand reached down through the roof” -I actually don’t know. Thought it was Freefall but misremembered it.

“Pulled into a great, pulsating pile of meat”- literally every episode with a meat theme. (EDIT 9/2/24: this is related to MAG 18 actually!)

“Doors with darkness and doors on fire”- so the cult I think is related to the darkness but with the fire, I know that Burned Out and that statement with Agnes could be related

So I’m guessing every way an assistant like got killed is one of those entities. I know The Vast is somehow related because Michael Crew mentioned that name before throwing himself out the window and then like changing. Guess he’s like a servant now or something?

Oh god that’s most of it. I’m wondering where Jon is now and I hope Tim and Martin don’t like fully believe he murdered a man. Also I swear to god, Elias, if I catch you. Like Leitner was not a super good guy but come on. I’m glad Not Sasha is gone but…my OG girl 😔😔😔

if you got this far in reading me descend down into my little obsession thank you 🫶🫶🫶 like all this is for fun but everyone I talked to in this fandom is so chill and doesn’t try to spoil which is nice. As someone who was in crazy fandoms, this is pretty calm for such a horrifying media. I’ll probably continue these posts for s3 but I’ll try to condense it I swear guys.

[cupcakeslushie]

Okay. I've been tip-toeing around this AU for a while now, but I just got caught up, and now I think I have a (decent) grasp on what's going on. So I wanna go over everything I know so far to see if I'm right or wrong on anything. Don't know if you'd be willing to correct me or not. Either way, I hope my mistakes can help you understand what to clarify to other fans like me. But, I also have some questions. You probably won't be able to answer most of them, but it's at least worth a shot.

First, where's Venus? Like, why is she not in your comics that are (sort of) separate frome the canon now story. The ones that skip to the future way after all the turtles reunite. Did she die? Did she escape? Is it because she wasn't introduced yet when you made those comics?

Two, why do you keep on making references to the future timeline? I know you're planning on possibly making your own stuff leading up to the events of the movie. It just gives me a jumpscare when I see certain...imagery in those comics. I guess you're hinting at what your version of the future apocalypse would look like, but it just hurts to see. Specifically in the comic explaining both the events and aftermath of the movie and the bad future timeline. It's starting to really confuse my brain as to where this story is headed. What's meant to be the main focus? The Hamto's reuniting? The aftermath? Or the future?

Third, did you make all those min-comics before you started the actual AU? Or did you do them during?

Fourth, are any of those mini-comics relevant to the actual story now? Or have you changed your mind on a few things? It's just that everything is so all over the place, I don't really know whether to trust if they're accurate. I know most of them are just there for funzies, but the longer ones concern me. I guess I'm just not used to the storyteller doing sequel, start, prequel, start, sequel, prequel, prequel, sequel, and then end. Or maybe it's just me, and I'm sleep deprived.

My little observation speech is gonna take a while for me to get out in your asks because when I get theoretical, my speech gets long, and my proper English goes down the drain. So I'll be back. I appreciate your work very much. Despite the pain it causes me, it's still amazing.

I’ll try my best to clear up what confusion I can!

1. As far as Venus. The answer is kind of a mix of, I was still figuring out her design and backstory while coming out with some of those early comics, and then, once I had that down, I wanted the boys to grow strong bonds as a main cast. That’s why a lot of the side characters are only making small appearances in the Sep!AU Life stories, as those are mainly for the boys reconnecting. (Usagi shows up the most because I love him and am totally biased towards him).

This maybe hasn’t been stated outright, but I wasn’t really expecting so many ppl to like Vee as much as they do, and now im trying not to spoil too much of her story. It’ll unfortunately just take us a while to get to the meat of it. Since the boys reconnecting takes up a lot of the early s1s2 story, Im trying to follow the familiar Rise blueprint of Draxum, Shredder, Krang, and then in s3 we’ll have crazy fun new stories with the extra characters.

Ive also decided to take this little nugget from one of the Q&As, and use it for Venus instead of Jennika. It was a much needed bit of inspiration to explain why Venus sorta disappears for a while and will go through some major physical changes (not yet revealed) before the family can figure out a way to reach her.

2. I’m not sure if you mean jump scared in a bad/triggering or neutral way, but if you need me to tag anything on those posts please let me know!

The glimpses of the future timeline, are being scattered throughout wherever they parallel the present story in little ways, but that’s only for now. As we get closer to the movie plot, bigger chunks of the future will be revealed, because the future versions of the boys will have a larger role to play in the present timeline. So we will need more backstory than what the canon got. And also I just enjoy drawing my future versions so sometimes I don’t think too hard on a reason. I just like throwing them at ppl with no warning or reason.

When s2 ends, I plan on collecting all the future related stuff that’s been released, and recapping it for easier reading. Right now, it’s just little sprinkles of foreshadowing to give ppl an idea that, ‘oh crap. The doomed timeline is a bummer’. In my mind, I guess i thought it’d be kinda like a fun scavenger hunt for clues, but maybe ppl don’t like that 😅

3. All of the side-stories were written as the main comic was/is being released. A lot of them resulted from asks that just spawned the need to expand on certain ideas, or a desire to give all the turtles their time to shine.

For instance, when I was doing Donnie’s section of the main comic, it was a good few months where we hardly saw anyone but him and Venus. I wanted to just mix it up, and give Raph some love with his ‘Raph Time’ short. When Leo was front and center in the main, we hardly saw the others, so Mikey and Donnie got their little ‘Secrets’ short (and it was also I fun thank you for EW making it so far in the tmnt sep competition).

4. Anything that has been reworked/revised or just plain dropped should have an ‘Edit’ note because yes—I have gone back and changed some things, but more so from the asks i got in the early days, and some movie idea drafts.

All the short comics done in the last year, especially the ones that are listed in my pinned post, are canon and fall somewhere in the timeline. They’re like supplemental reading though—extra meat to give the world and the characters more personality. They do have particular backstory plot and important info in them, but nothing that shouldn’t eventually be re-visited/repeated in the main story.

um I hope that cleared up some things! I know it’s kind of a crazy amount of lore. I’ve tried my best to organize it in the pinned post, huge timeline, and search bar tags, but I know it’s getting harder and harder for newer ppl to jump in as it just get bigger. Thanks for reading regardless!

[cardiac-agreste]

Now that we're heading into S6, I'm going to start tagging things related to S6 accordingly (using the tag #ml season 6) once I start watching. Or at least I will try my hardest to do so.

Since I'm leak free, it's not possible for me to spoil anything until the show starts airing, as I have no idea what's going on in S6.

I can tell you my prediction is that toward the end of S6 Chloe will return to Paris and over S6 and S7 we'll find out that she's made attempts to become a better person. I didn't need a redemption arc back then, but I'm pretty convinced the past couple seasons have been her Zuko early S3 arc.

If I got my wish, there'd be a mysterious hero—who really rubs the Parisian heroes the wrong way—helping out for a while, and when Ladybug is about to get de-earringed/defeated/killed, this mysterious hero shows up, saves her, and is like "get your head in the game, Ladybug, your performance today has been ridiculous, utterly ridiculous" and turns out it's Chloe with an American Miraculous.

Like, make no mistake, I have never been a fan of Chloe; I just think it would be an awesome reveal.

[jfkonfucius]

do u have any random confucious headcanons u wanna share? :3

OF COURSE ! I think about him everyday

- The airspray shirts he makes don't sell very well, but he still makes use of the equipment to make and gift shirts to his friends and loved ones

- He spoils people all the time with expensive stuff, he thinks people will be less likely to abandon him if he does so. He thinks the fact he has money is the only thing that makes him remotely loveable

- Cries easily

- Makes animation memes on Flipaclip. He is not very outstanding at it. He has a protogen fursona

- Has horrible reflexes, but is extremely cracked at Geometry Dash and Subway Surfers

- He doesn't have a very good relationship with his sister, his jealousy caused by his parents' favoritism towards her makes him act unusually petty, even though his sister is actually pretty nice to him

- Borderline Personality Disorder. Very bad abandonment issues. Was splitting on Joan in S3 E9

- He likes JFK, but would never date him cuz he's clingy and he thinks he would interfere with JFK's not-very-monogamous lifestyle

- He gave away the "I only got eyes 4 u" shirts to some random couple without telling them the backstory

- Somehow still does not know that Top-her69 was Topher

- Amab genderfluidddd all pronouns + ey/em + bro/bros + other neopronouns probably. But if asked in real life he's just gonna go "Uhh I'm a guy but I don't care if you call something else"

- Has a bit of an issue with vaping and energy drinks

- His favorite food is pizza

- He treats Kevin like a big puppy dog. Even though it's a Giant Bear

- He listens to EDM, hyperpop, dubstep and similar. Probably had a Skrillex haircut when he was younger

- ADHD+autism, he mainly stims vocally by making noises (pew pew!) or quoting internet vids he finds funny

- His special interest is Fast and Furious

- You know his ass never charges his Nintendo Switch

- The reason why you don't see him in the episode anymore after he gave Abe the suggestion that got him cancelled, is because he felt super bad and started hiding ("I run from like, 99% of my problems")

- Not a very good singer

- As we all know his parents are very absent, but they did help him dress up for the Valentine's day week dance

- Has a huge admiration for Frida, and is very intimidated by Cleo, which is a funny combination because the two of them were together for a year

- Owns an Itemlabel Dinkle

- First thing he does when he wakes up is message Joan good morning . or good afternoon . The only thing holding his schedule together is having to go to school

- His parents wanted to get him a panda because they know he loves em. But it was a pain in the ass because of the whole "former endangered species" thing. So they got him Kevin instead because close enough

This is definitely not All my headcanons, but that's enough for now 😎

[wandringaesthetic]

OVERTHINKING 30 SECONDS OF ALUCARD CASTLEVANIA:

I deliberately spoiled myself for whether he would be showing up before I started watching because I didn't want to disappoint myself if he didn't. So I saw this screenshot out of context and was like "no, put him back." He looks a bit too smooth and cherubic. Doll-like and a bit too feminine.

In context it's not so bad, in profile the change isn't so drastic and I think it's more that they have him exceedingly pale and that flattens out all of his shading than that they changed his facial shape much. Some of this is also just the slight difference in art style. Lines are lighter and more sketchy here and we don't have as much dark dark shading.

I expected that he would probably have white/gray hair a la Symphony of the Night and he does. A lot of the Ayame Kojima artwork he looks more pale blond but I most people playing the game interpret that sprite as having gray or white hair.

Also like Symphony of the Night, he's got a cravat. All laced up to the chin versus loose, low necked shirt or walking shirtless scene in Series 1

I always guessed that they had his first appearance like this to confirm beyond a doubt that the long haired pretty person was male so foreign language markets wouldn't be tempted to change his gender. And also I guess let's show off that scar.

ANYWAY. I always interpreted Alucard's silvery SotN hair as an expression of age/weariness/grief. He's canonically been taking a dirt nap for a while, right? An expression of the fact (?) that he hasn't been feeding. Homeboy is anemic.

By the way, it's never really made clear in Castlevania the animation whether Alucard needs to drink blood. I always assumed that he did at least sometimes. In part, because of this:

He has a confidence here that says to me that this is not the first time he has lunged after someone's throat.

Also it looks like the coffin apparatus he rises out of when he's introduced is feeding him blood somehow.

[He also eats food obviously, from his foraging and cooking montages in S3. my fanon interpretation of this is that he needs some of both but not as much blood as a full vampire would need and not as much food as a full human would need. He can survive a long time (probably a very very long time) without either but he'd suffer for it]

Some Castlevania vampires have more inhuman features than others. I'm speculating on this being more true the more old/powerful the vampire. Drolta's black sclera, Dracula's ridiculous height, Olrox's glowing eyes, etc. So the white/silver hair (and the 'is he glowing or is he REALLY white' complexion) might be an expression of Alucard aging and coming into his powers. Because a lot of our Castlevastle vampires are paper white but not all.

Him being laced to the chin versus tits out implies a more closed personality. Maturity, perhaps. Less emotional and sexual availability.

(In the first season he just woke up so you can't blame him for not wearing a shirt. In season 4 the shirtlessness is a Choice.)

I would say "please, someone fuck this man" but we all know how that went.

IIRC, in games canon he went immediately to sleep after Castlevania III and then didn't wake up until Symphony of the Night. This implies some self hatred and maybe depression. Feeling like you're something that shouldn't exist but being unable to easily self terminate and/or sticking around just in case you need to fight a monster worse than you.

Animated Alucard doesn't seem to have that level of self hatred. In series 1, he seems to identify more as a vampire than as a human (his comment about being less than excited about the Belmont hold because it's a museum dedicated to the extermination of his people) and doesn't seem to think that existing as a vampire is wrong in and of itself. In fact he seems to have some pride in vampires as preservers of knowledge even after the events of season 2. ALSO, his relationship with his father seems more positive in the animation than in the games. In the animation, he loves and respects his father up until the point he decides to exterminate all humans. In the games it seems like that father son relationship was more fraught and possibly more distant.

HOWEVER. If his kill count really is in the thousands, that makes me believe that not only has he been awake most of the last 300 years, he's spent most of that time killing vampires and that he may have started killing vampires generally rather than just those making problems. Even if he hasn't come to the conclusion of "all vampires must die and then when I have finished my grim work I shall die too" if he has been hunting and killing vampires for SO LONG he has to have started seeing them, and the parts of himself that are like them, as the problem.

I don't love that kind of moral absolutism, but. In Castlevania we have (correct me if I'm wrong) two morally ambiguous vampires (Dracula and Olrox) and the rest are evil. Castlevania the animation seems to not come down on the side that vampires are soulless monsters, but the overwhelming majority are evil. I think it would go against the series core to argue that vampires aren't people or can't be good people, or that you get one choice and that determines your whole life and impact on the world going forward (how Christian of you--also, a lot of them didn't get a choice!) But the fact remains that vampires have a strong incentive to view human beings as not really being people.

Alucard MIGHT be choosing to abstain from blood and that MIGHT be why he's so pale he glows. Drink your juice, Alucard. Take care of yourself.

I don't love the idea of Alucard being so self hating because I love him and I want what's best for him, but I have to admit that this kind of self hatred is what makes Symphony of the Night Alucard and most notable dhampir characters compelling. A monster fighting worse monsters. A cursed, bastard existence that nonetheless gives you great power. Choosing to do good even though you yourself are damned. Being constantly on the verge of a fall, of awful temptation, of becoming the thing you hunt. Fighting for a world that has no place for you in it.

LASTLY. As a Trephacard shipper. In animation canon he probably AT LEAST stayed awake for more or less a human lifetime. With Sypha and Trevor, in whatever capacity. Undeniably, he loved them. But there are ways that might contribute to the self hatred. It would have distanced him from the vampire part of his identity. I keep thinking of the fact that Trevor corrects Alucard ONCE when he refers to Dracula as "my father" and Alucard refers to him as "Dracula" for the rest of the series. I keep thinking about him staring at the cabinet of vampire skulls in the Belmont hold and Trevor and Sypha both seeming to not really notice. It would be tempting to minimize or fight against that part of his identity. He might feel like he has no place with them if he doesn't.

(AND THAT'S NOT EVEN GETTING INTO THE FACT THAT DRAC IS ALIVE NOW. I have no idea how they're going to choose to deal with that, but I have trouble imagining Alucard and Dracula having a positive relationship going forward. That might even contribute to Alucard feeling like he had to choose.)