#i got done working on a couple intensive art projects for the night and was like | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dzpenumbra · 2 years ago

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2/21/23

Yep. Well. Today was a bit tougher.

I caught up on sleep but had really intense dreams. Again, didn't record them. I guess because I don't really have a practical use for them. I would absolutely love to have an ongoing art project that is just... recording dreams and turning them into something. It's been a... dream... of mine for a long time. I love that part of the human experience, it's something that even with all the technology and shit we have, all the research we've done, all the human arrogance we've accumulated, we still can't really explain with any certainty. Sure, people can try, but I've been studying dreams off and on for over 15 years and I can say very confidently that those who claim to be approaching defining dreams from the most empirical "scientific" standpoint have presented the least scientific explanations.

The most common one is "random thought fragments" or something like "thought waste", as though dreaming is like... digestion... or something. Which really doesn't make any goddamn sense to me at all, I have no idea why anyone would assume the brain would work like that. Like... neurons are based entirely on logic pathways, and we want to assume - with zero evidence - that something that doesn't make sense at first glance must surely be random. As though "random" is like... a scientific term... There's no way it could just be something... we don't currently understand... Something that is connected, at a subconscious level, but we don't consciously understand that connection at that moment. Nope, let's just say with certainty that it's random sparks shooting through your brain at night, and that only happens when you dream, and it's the only time your brain works like this, with zero evidence to prove it, and refuse any other explanation and refuse to investigate it further. Science, folks! Sorry to the like 5 people who said that shit to me in my life, that is like... the exact opposite of the scientific method.

Anywho... I... doomscrolled in bed for 2.5 hours. Okay, more like 3-4 hours. The time just fucking disappeared. Reddit pulled me in. And I'll tell you what happens. Because I really need to take mental notes here of where I can get completely hyper-focused and then lose an entire day... I write a lot, right? I have a lot to say. I like to explain my thoughts completely and thoroughly, yet speak in a way that's conversational and approachable. But... it's usually no less than a couple paragraphs, regardless of what post I'm commenting on. And writing that takes a bit longer than writing this, because this is stream-of-consciousness. This has very minimal editing, if any at all. Rarely any at all, lately. But my edited writing, that takes a lot longer. Not just in the writing phase, but... I proofread it out loud... at least 3-4 times. And each time I go in and add edits, sometimes the edits can be up to a paragraph each. So a simple comment reply... can very quickly turn into an hour. Or two. And I'm so engrossed in it, that it feels like 15 minutes.

And then I don't even post it. I get worried that it's going to set someone off or something, or just tell myself to keep my nose out of other peoples' business... and I don't post. I really should, because it would do good things for my anxiety... but... I don't. And this morning, I did that like... 3 times. The whole process. Find a thread, write a comment, proof/edit like 3 times, then... delete. Then find another... repeat. Then I finally landed on the last one. Before I finally got up.

This person was in my state, they were looking for a coverup tattoo. They have some kind of cross tattoo in red, they wanted a pink triangle over it as a coverup, as a like... reclaiming queer rights or something gesture. I got what they were getting at, the symbolism, and that's cool and all. But they were... insisting on having a queer tattooist do it. And that is of course their right... no shit. But like... they were pretty cruel about why someone who is not queer couldn't... identify with it? or something? Or like... they couldn't do the job right? Like wouldn't even entertain the idea.

I wasn't even going to post anything, but they put up a follow up post with a picture that was like... people lined up in a concentration camp. And the title was... I'll just quote it "My last post was misunderstood and I cannot edit it. First, "wholesale" was a typo for "wholesome" and the only reason why I am ISO a queer artist is because I want someone who has been personally affected by the grave and systemic issues caused by the holocaust which are still affecting society now."

I commented. That I am a tattooist (former, but whatever, once a tattooist always a tattooist) whose grandfather was an intelligence officer who tracked down, discovered and liberated Birkenau. True story. And his parents were Jewish, or so the census said, and his were WWI refugees from Belarus/Russia. And a lot of my family's fuckeduppedness on my father's side I would attribute to trauma directly from that. And these issues directly caused by the holocaust are affecting my life every day, in very profound ways. My father is still very stunted because of how much it fucked up his dad, and he's in his 70's. And I didn't really get a dad because of that either. The domino effect is very real.

So... I commented because I absolutely have been personally affected by this. And said sorry, but pink will not cover up red, it's just how ink works, sorry to be the bearer of bad news. And then went on to send a bit of a message. Which scared me a bit, and fell on deaf ears, but I felt it was worth finally saying out loud.

I said, from one human to another, regardless of labels... maybe try to find a tattooist whose personality you click with, not one who ticks the correct political boxes. And it would mean a lot to them too, because tattooing is a very intimate thing, and it's always nicer to work with someone who values who you are as an individual, your personality, not what politics you subscribe to, or who you're attracted to, or your race or gender or religion. I said discriminating against people because of race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, political views, etc... regardless of narrative... is discrimination. Putting people in boxes, labeling them as "jew, gay, intellectual" strips them of their identity, their individuality. Which was... what the concentration camp picture they posted represented. It's dehumanizing. Those people with the pink patches on their chests were not a stock photo of "oppressed gays" to be used as political propaganda 80+ years later... those were individuals, with names and families, dreams, goals. They were people, just like us.

I wrapped up by saying that it takes some time and work and trust to really... reconcile all of that, and live by that. And that at the end of the day, we're all just mostly hairless apes trying to figure out where we fit on this chunk of rock hurling through space. And then I wished them well.

Their response? Just kinda garbled babbling about how they really felt they needed someone who was aligned with their political viewpoint. Basically... just repeating themselves as though I had said nothing. And, unfortunately, I'm getting a bit used to that feeling. Of speaking to no one, to say a page worth of sentiments and have it be treated as though I didn't even speak, just in one ear and out the other.

But that's how my morning started... afternoon I should say. I'm not proud of it, but I think I managed to turn it into something good.

The worst part of the message, that I didn't send... that I cut out... was that... putting people into boxes? Stripping people of their individual identities, labeling them as political tropes - gay, intellectual, "Gypsy", "Jew" - is exactly what the Nazis did. And it's how most political forces dehumanize their opponents. Like... it's right there in the verb. Dehumanize. Turn a person into a concept, then demonize the concept, then... no problem. And that shit is dangerous. So forgive me if I get upset, when you use a picture of people who have been dehumanized, branded with serial numbers, wearing identical uniforms and are "labeled" with symbols to tell what political category they fall into... forgive me if I'm a bit upset if you use that picture to... justify putting people into political boxes. Because... it just doesn't really make a lot of sense to me.

But... I'm guessing... we're just not really "there yet", for the most part. As a culture, as a species-wide culture. Hopefully we're getting better, but... we're not quite "there yet".

Anywho, I went straight from there to the yoga mat. It wasn't bad, just... the same frustration with my joints just... not moving or rotating the way I wish they would. But it was nice and a bit more relaxed than usual. Then I tried to meditate. And made it a few minutes. Then I heard, through my noise cancelling earbuds somehow, my phone vibrating on my desk.

It was my mom. And she was calling me with bad news. She called two car dealerships and there are no cars for several months that fit the bill. And she just... didn't contact the dealership she volunteered to. And I really tried to find out why she didn't text me immediately to let me know that she didn't call them. I was really upset. I wanted to know why she noticed something that made her go "I shouldn't call the dealership, I should check with him first" and then she... didn't immediately check with me. It confused me, and really upset me. And then she went and contacted other dealerships, which I don't remember asking her to do? Maybe I did, I don't know? It wasn't like... bad, it was just like... it kinda felt like taking over and not consulting with me... when it's super easy to consult with me. It was just... it was odd. And again, I didn't think it would be a fight, I just thought it would be... "oh yeah, just text me if something like that comes up." But it just turned into this whole thing, and it got dragged out for well over an hour again. And the whole conversation - which luckily wasn't all bad, it actually had a lot of good in it - ended up being like 4+ hours because of that. I think we came out of it with a solution. I just can't even tell if I was like... overreacting. I'm just trying really hard to not stuff my emotions down, especially while grieving, to work through them and express myself freely. It helps tremendously with my confidence. But it very often does not feel safe to express negative emotions. Especially around my family. Good lord. Yeah, like... it is super unsafe for me to express negative emotions around my family. Which is a shame, because that includes... sadness... and grief... and panic... stuff that family really is supposed to be there and support you with. Even anger is something it's really helpful to have someone support you in processing. But... I had to learn solo. And with therapists, they get credit too.

But that absolutely is a common thread, not just with my mom... but with both of my brothers and my father. My whole family. I have big emotions. Loud emotions, I guess. I'm sensitive. I feel a lot. And I've learned, trial by fire, that I need to express and process those emotions or else it can have some pretty bad physical effects on me. Like... it was having rough physical effects on me in my teens and 20's. In my physical prime. And I'm in my mid-30's now. I want to be fair to myself and give myself lots of room to get my body into good shape and all that, and I plan to. But... let's be honest. My body is not ever going to be as resilient, have as much endurance or bounce-back as it did in my late teens/early 20's. It just won't. And my repression of my emotions in that time was so bad that it had me in and out of hospitals with "mysterious illnesses" for years. And 1) I don't want to even imagine how those "illnesses" manifest now, in my 30's, and 2) I have developed the skills to manage and process those emotions worlds better than I ever have. Like leaps and bounds. It's absolutely insane. I still fuck up, and I still have lots and lots of work to do, the work never ends... but I really have to give myself credit.

I wish my family did too. But my guess is that... they don't really feel comfortable around emotions... in general. And that might be a bit foreign. And overwhelming. And unpredictable. And seem unsafe. And they are afraid they might... set off a powderkeg or something? I guess? Like emotions are... by default... unstable? And maybe, from the perspective of people who really didn't put a lot of (if any) time into emotional processing, learning about emotions, processing them, all that... that might just be their understanding and experience of what emotions are... just... in general?

And then I walk in. And I start asking questions to figure out what's going on in my mom's head... with a tone that sounds... frustrated? hurt? angry? Maybe a blend of them all? And it just sets off every damn alarm bell in existence, all hands to battle stations. And it creates an impossible situation, at least it did today. Because the focal point of why I'm upset (which a lot of people will vaguely allude to, or hint at, or not even mention at all and make you dig for...) I will state right off the bat the best I can and try to lead the conversation towards an understanding of not just what specific part I'm upset about, but show them where in the chain of events it happened. But it just gets deflected. Topics get changed. Questions go unanswered. Because they are perceived as tricks. Traps. And it sucks.

I'm compelled to go "maybe I need to work on emotional management right now, maybe I need to pump the breaks on that." And yeah, honestly, I don't need to get that upset. But it was a big deal to me, at very least conceptually. The concept was really important. Just like... keep me posted, and text me. Include me. Please. It doesn't bother me. It's not intrusive. People never text me. EVER. I live alone. I have no friends. I rarely even check my phone when I feel it vibrate anymore. I haven't been in a state where I'm checking my phone to see if it's vibrating from texts in... probably over 2 years? Maybe more? So... it doesn't bother me. It makes me feel included. In the recent past, I've regularly requested friends text me more. It makes me feel like someone is actually thinking of me. And the worst part? The rest of my family text each other all the time. So... yeah. It just stopped happening for me. And I'm sure it's because she thinks she's bothering or interrupting me, in which case I'll just... not respond or something. I feel rude doing that, and I want to start just saying "I'm busy" or "I'll get back to you". But like. Yeah. That's all. That's all it was. And it turned into an hour fight. And that shit takes a toll on both of us.

But she hit the jackpot on her furniture search, and I'm super grateful for her taking the time to head out on a second trip. This place that's a local woodshop that's been around since I was in highschool has some really cool pieces and they seem affordable too. I'm actually pretty excited. It's like things are starting to come together.

But the car situation. Not so much. And I'm okay with public transit and all that if I need to. Though... one of the reddit posts I was going to comment on and never posted... was a thread about someone writing racial slurs on a bus stop sign in my neighborhood. And they were losing their shit. And I actually took the "it's just kids being stupid, please don't make them famous" approach, and I genuinely do agree with that. But it also planted "you're in a city, this isn't safe" seeds in there too. Which sucks.

In stark contrast to this, I had a little nostalgic moment with my mom re-living my 5-day solo road trip. Where I had no real destination, just a physical map and a phone... a GPS (2012ish so pretty new at the time) my mom gave me that I used as a second speedometer... I wanted to use the map... XD Aaaaand my guitar, and maybe my skateboard? But maybe not. At that age, my self-preservation reflex was much more chill. Maybe a bit... too chill... but that's arguable. Now? Now I'm scared to get on a bus in a tiny city that literally any other city in the US would look at and go "bro, that's a town."

Trauma does that. I think a lot of people have learned that since the pandemic, those who were notably traumatized by the whole experience, and rightfully so. 9/11 did it too. It makes sense. Trauma very quickly turns into a need to keep things safe, because you know what happens if you're not. And the world looks much scarier, and more dangerous. And I'm definitely living that. It's such a weird effect. I will go out and get groceries and think "the world is so much less safe than it was in my 20's". But it was really pretty much the same then, I just didn't really care or notice. I just didn't think anything was going to happen to me. I was confident, and a bit more grounded, honestly? And then some shit struck close to home. A friend of a friend being murdered by his brother. One of my best friends' sister dying in a car accident like 50 yards from her family's house. A friend going into a coma and dying. A college buddy being murdered by his step mom. My own brushes with death in fluke accidents. Deaths of pets in the family. Yeah, I'm noticing a theme here. Hi Death, how's it going? Glad you could join the conversation. Kinda pissed you had to take my cat so early, I thought we had a bit more time together. But I'm sure you're just doing your job.

So... I'm guessing a lot of this inflation of my fear of consequences, fear of society and the world and the outside and all that... is just really processing at a very real level how fleeting and delicate life is. And the impulse is to be safe safe safe safe safe. But how satisfying of a life can you live from inside a fallout shelter? I mean... if you had to, like if there's an actual nuclear disaster and you're reading this Tumblr post for some reason - 1) I have no clue how you are doing this, but I guess your welcome for giving you something to read that isn't an advertisement. 2) please do stay inside, because a slow and agonizing death is very likely in your situation. 3) please try really hard to be a good, kind, loving, compassionate person when you restart civilization, and remember that those qualities are some of our most unique and best traits. Not just being really crafty and making complicated gadgets. We're one of the few species that will nurse another species back to health. That's a beautiful thing and it's worth keeping and celebrating.

But if you're not in a post-apocalyptic wasteland... (and I guess the jury's kinda still out on that one in some ways...) you have to go out on a limb to get the fruit in life. You have to take chances, push yourself. And how to balance that with being safe? That's a real art. One that I'm still working on, that I find exceedingly difficult to manage alone. I mean this sincerely, I think it's much easier to take risks if you have someone there to catch you, or at least pick you up when you fall and go "you did good, you just needed a little more speed, give it another try, you got this." Skating metaphors, man. Skating did so much good for me. For real, if you want to see healthy support and all this stuff I'm talking about, go watch pro skaters out on street skating trips together. I love watching those. Everyone is constantly cheering and encouraging and playing. They feed off each other, and everyone gets better for it. Everyone skates better when everyone's stoked, because you see your friend push a bit harder and actually land it, then it inspires you, then you do the same and it inspires others. It's a wonderful thing. I miss it greatly, and honestly... I really should do this...

I should get a board. There's a skate shop on that main car-less street I've been talking about. I should get a new complete. When it gets a bit warmer? Maybe even now. I should head to the concrete park by the lake. And I should make a video series documenting my improvement skating. I legit would give anything to have a friend to do this with, where I filmed them and they filmed me. But if I don't have that option, I'll just have to risk getting my phone stolen while I'm skating trying to film myself with a tripod. Or just... not film it. Like I unfortunately did with snowskating this year.

Either way. I should embrace not being very good. And set goals. And focus on the progress. I did that towards the end of fall. I had never learned truck grinds, any kind, ever. I've done boardslides and noseslides, but never truck grinds. So I decided to try, and I started to pick them up a bit within the first few tries. And the same with dropping in and rock to fakie, I always did manuals and curbs and low ledges and shit, never any transition. So... give it a shot. Then it's much easier to take risks within the style of skating you're already used to skating in.

No matter how I go about it, I think it'll do good things for me.

I've been writing way too long. I'm heading to bed.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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asterlark · 3 years ago

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ok. samwell college of music au. i wrote all four years let's go babey

eric bittle is this lovely southern tenor (sounds kinda like mitch grassi or ben j pierce) who posts covers (& sometimes originals, but always with neutral or no pronouns because he can't post anything that says he or him ☹) on his youtube channel and has major stage fright but is very talented; he also plays ukulele

he got into samwell college of music on a voice scholarship and his dad doesn’t exactly approve but eric was never the 6′2″ masculine football player he wanted anyway so why not go for his dreams

he auditions for the very competitive samwell men’s contemporary chorus (there’s like 20 choirs; chamber choir, jazz choir, a cappella groups (lax bros do a cappella), combined choirs, etc- smcc does contemporary pop/rock music) and while he’s very very nervous and shaky as he auditions, directors hall & murray see a lot of potential in him (with major grumbling from student director jack)

(the rest of this ridiculously long au under the cut)

the group is small, for a chorus, because the point of the group is not a wall of sound but a focus on all of the very talented guys’ voices coming together in these gorgeous harmonies and basically they’re like one of the best choruses on campus and all the male singers want in

so there’s jack zimmermann, who of course eric knows because everyone knows who he is, he’s the son of bob and alicia zimmermann, both incredibly talented and famous musicians, and basically those genes were in his favor because he’s mega fucking talented

(jack was supposed to sign a recording contract to be in a band with his best friend kent parson when he was 17 but something happened between them and the pressure was too much and jack overdosed on something- there’s so many rumors no one knows what’s real- and kent signed solo in LA & went on to win grammys for his albums about a mysterious ex and jack disappeared for a few years to be a counselor at a music camp and reappears at samwell, knocking everyone’s socks off again like he’d never left, except with a renewed vigor and intenseness that freaks everyone out)

jack is a contemporary writing & production major, freaky talented and sings like a modern day frank sinatra, and he plays like 20 instruments and can read music like breathing air and writes songs like if he stopped he’d die; his music is folksy and mournful and he plays all the instruments on his tracks himself- guitar, piano, strings, drums- it sounds like a full band but nope. just jack. he’s intense

“we all get nicknames in this choir,” justin informs eric on his first day, “we’re those kinda guys.” so he’s bitty, which he finds vaguely offensive (bc he’s not that short!) but still cute, & the rest of the group is introduced to him:

“shitty” knight (voice like colyer) is a musical education major and an enigma of a singer with this awesome, earthy, raspy voice that’s really interesting to listen to and a very.... unique style & look; he writes cheesy but shockingly good raps about social justice topics and he will sing-lecture you if you’ve said something offensive (he also plays banjo)

justin “ransom” oluransi is a music business & management major with an angelic voice you can’t help but listen to; he’s sultry and has an incredible range and does runs like nobody’s business (with a voice like daniel caesar or leslie odom jr UGH)

adam “holster” birkholtz is a voice performance major, wants to be on broadway and it’s all he ever goddamn talks about basically, he’s a belter and has a lot of charisma and starpower and he’ll charm the pants off of you within one note; can also play piano and irritates everyone constantly because his regular volume is like a level 11 (voice like the frontman of my brothers and i combined w/ x ambassadors lead singer)

larissa “lardo” duan is at the local art institute because performing arts is not her jam and she’d much rather paint; she’s a barista at annie’s and supervises open mic nights and keeps the annoying choir dudes from driving away all her patrons

“i’m not even in your dumbass choir,” she says when the group gave her her nickname. holster just told her that she was an honorary member and then started sing-shouting a song at her about how good she is

bitty’s first year is hard because he’s talented and he works hard but he shies away when anyone asks him to sing outside the group and like, he can sing to a camera by himself but being on a stage with everyone looking at you and the sole responsibility of the song on your shoulders is terrifying and no thanks

jack does not. understand this. he’s been performing practically since he came out of the womb and he doesn’t really get performance nerves (what he gets is anxiety about how he did after he gets off stage that follows him home and makes it so he can’t sleep) - so he bothers bitty about it constantly like “you just need practice, you just have to sing by yourself a lot and then you’ll get over it” which like.... that’s true but it’s also hella scary and bitty’s like “no thanks!!!!”

but jack’s annoying and intense so he makes bitty do open mic with him every saturday night and it’s going okay and bitty loves his choir and loves his school and these new friends he’s making and he finally feels comfortable enough to come out to them during his second term

then during their spring choral showcase at the end of his freshman year bitty has a solo and he’s worked really hard on it and he’s feeling good- okay he’s completely freaked out but he’s trying to feel good- but when he gets up on stage there’s so many people and the stage lights are so hot on his face and he flips out a little and maybe he passes out from anxiety and stress right on stage and it’s terrible and he’s so embarrassed and ashamed that he ruined their set at the showcase

of course jack blames himself because “we shouldn’t have given you a solo before you were ready, i misjudged it, i’m sorry” - and they all feel kinda bad bc holy fuck they didn’t know his stage fright was that bad like they didn’t know someone could pass out just by being anxious to sing

he practices all the time over the summer and goes to his local open mic at jack’s insistence and it actually helps a lot because instead of a sea of strangers judging him it’s a bunch of people he knows and they’re all smiling at him and when he finishes his song they cheer for him and it boosts his self-confidence a lot

his sophomore year they have three new members- chris ”chowder” chow (voice like ieuan), an excitable music education major with impressive rapping skills, derek "nursey" nurse (frank ocean or leon bridges type), a songwriting major who can also play violin and guitar, and will ”dex” poindexter (like tom west), a production & engineering major who tried out with chowder bc he needed moral support and didn't expect to get in but impressed the directors with his voice

the year’s going pretty good, bitty’s still pretty scared of singing alone but more confident now and the open mic nights with jack haven’t stopped, so he’s getting better. and one night they’re hanging out at annie’s after closing waiting for lardo to be done so they can walk her home, and bitty suggests that jack sing with him one of these nights, and jack says he doesn’t know any of bitty’s songs and bitty says they can write one together half jokingly but then jack is like “yes.” with that Intense Look

SO they get together a couple days later in jack’s room at the house they all live in together (bitty moved in at the beginning of the year after previous smcc member john johnson called him- how’d he get his number?- and told him he could take his room if he wanted), jack with his guitar and bitty with his ukulele, and it’s a little awkward until bitty says jack should play him one of his songs

and, okay, he doesn’t really know what to expect because the only music jack ever released to the public was that one single he did with kent parson when they were 17 so bitty doesn’t even know if he has anything to play him, but he does- he starts playing these soft, sad notes on the guitar and opens his mouth and sings about being lonely and scared and unsure, about false starts and shaky ground and not knowing where you stand with someone, about expectations and lying awake at night and wishing so hard you were someone else, and bitty watches him sing and just kind of... realizes he’s head over heels for this boy and internally Freaks Out a little

he tries to put that aside and they start to write this song, at first it’s weird because jack’s like “all your songs are love songs i can’t really relate to happy love songs” and bitty’s like “listen... i’ve never even had a boyfriend i just write a bunch of sappy love stuff because it’s not about me it’s about whoever’s listening to it, they’re gonna project their own experiences on my music anyway so it doesn’t matter if it’s my real life or not” and jack’s like “alright while fake af that’s smart and i respect you” (what bitty doesn't say is that he writes about what he really wants which is to fall in love & be in a happy relationship)

they say they’re just gonna write this kinda vague sad song but they both secretly write lines about their actual lives so it ends up being really personal and real and raw for the both of them

they sing the song at open mic that saturday and the crowd at annie’s is never that big but they’ve never got a standing ovation here before, and some girl shouts “MAKE AN ALBUM” (it may or may not be lardo) and they both blush furiously and bitty’s like “... that was really nice, jack” and jack’s like “... yeah it was good good job you’re really getting some confidence out there nice work” (bitty: “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT AAAAH”)

around this time jack’s really thinking about what he’s gonna do when he’s done at samwell, talking with his parents and his agent and looking into different record companies and deciding if he wants to sign with anyone or possibly start his own company- the head of a small company called falcon records in rhode island has been talking to him a lot, and jack talks to bitty about how he thinks it’d be nice to start small, and the record exec georgia and the producer marty had both been really nice and welcoming, and bitty’s so happy for him but also just... sad that he won’t be around jack every day after he graduates

THEN at a haus party celebrating their win of a local choral competition, who shows up but none other than pop star kent parson to Ruin The Fun

bitty sees the way jack pales when kent walks in, notices them disappear upstairs together and feels a little sick worrying about jack but chalks it up to the highly alcoholic concoction shitty and lardo had cooked up but nonetheless decides he’s sick of the party and goes up to his room and hears.... a little too much

and YIKES he’s standing right there and kent parson, pop star, two-time grammy winner, is looking a little rumpled and staring right at him and he puts his hat on and clears his throat and snaps at jack- “hey. well. call me if you reconsider. but good luck with rhode island. ...i’m sure that’ll make your parents proud.” and jack’s shaking, and bitty doesn’t know what to do but jack goes back into his room and bitty’s just kind of standing there like What The Fuck

so.... he kind of stews over winter break but tries not to think about it too much and he and jack text a bit and jack tells him to practice and bitty’s like “oh, you” and jack’s like “im serious” and bitty’s like “>:( it’s christmas”

spring semester starts and they're doing well in competitions and they go to semifinals and then finals for a prestigious collegiate choir competition and the pressure is mounting but they all are so optimistic and really feel like they're on the same page and bitty’s confidence is better than ever and then.... they don't win

jack especially takes it very hard, but then he also has signing to worry about, which everyone helps him with and he decides to sign with falcon records and start work on an album after graduation

speaking of graduation, shitty and jack graduate and it's hard for them but harder for bitty who feels like he's losing jack in a way, he knows how intense jack gets when he's making music and it doesn't feel like he'll have any time for bitty anymore so when they say goodbye bitty goes back to the haus and listens to his and jack's song and just cries

but, like in canon, dadbob has words of wisdom to impart and jack has an "oh" moment and races across campus to kiss bitty

they get together and the next few months are spent with jack working nonstop on his album (which tbh, he'd had many of the songs written already so it's mostly recording and producing) and texting bitty constantly and coming to visit him and playing him demos of all the songs

jack also asks bitty if they can record the song they wrote together & have it as a bonus track on his album & bitty says of course, so when jack visits they set up an impromptu studio and record vocals in the guest bedroom and this deeply personal song they wrote before they were ever together means so much more to them now

and bitty is so happy but so scared and sad too because jack is playing him these songs telling him "they're all for you bits, & a lot of them are about you" and he just doesn't know how he's going to keep all this love inside even though it feels like jack's career is at stake

he tries to shove it down and stay strong though, especially since he's now an upperclassman and they're taking on new members- connor "whiskey" whisk (voice like finneas or the male singer in valley), a music business/ management major who seems to hate bitty's guts and tony "tango" tangredi (like chaz cardigan), a jazz composition major who astounds everybody with his endless questions but also his ridiculously impressive composition skills & naturally perfect pitch (he can also play saxophone??)

i want ford in this au so fuck it she is a composition major with dreams to write scores for musicals and she stars training as a barista at annie's (aka training to corral the smcc)

the pressure of it all proves to be a lot and bitty and jack have their hi, honey moment where bitty's like i can't be this deep in the closet!!! and so they tell the smcc and also jack's label that they're together and that eases things a bit

jack's album comes out to much critical acclaim and shouting in the groupchat ("#1 ON ITUNES BRAHHHHH!!!!!!!!") and several months later, when smcc has already been eliminated from choral competition in an earlier round, jack is nominated for SEVERAL grammys including best album, song of the year, and best new artist

when the time comes he takes his parents and bitty on the red carpet which, everyone keeps being like "who are you here with jack?" and he's like "my family and my good friend :)" and yes it is awkward

jack wins... all three awards. it's the comeback everyone is stoked to see and when his third win is announced, he and bitty are so elated that they kiss before he goes to accept the award

his speech is basically just "um... wow. thank you. i just kissed my boyfriend on live tv. this is amazing and i'm so humbled. i'd like to thank my boyfriend and georgia and marty and my parents and my friends and my boyfriend"

obviously the press has a FIELD DAY with this but bitty & jack are honestly vibing and so happy that it doesn't matter untiiiillll bitty's mom calls and he has to tell her "mama i'm gay and i'm going on tour with jack this summer okloveyoubye"

the last few months of bitty's junior year pass quickly and he's voted student director which is a huge honor considering how much he struggled with stage fright and confidence & how he'll now be stepping into ransom & holster's shoes

r&h and lardo all graduate (the smcc basically crashes the art school graduation and all scream when lardo gets her diploma lmao), which is a bittersweet occasion and they all do a bit of tearing up

that summer bitty goes on tour across the u.s. & canada with jack and his touring band (snowy is a bassist, tater is a drummer and poots does backing guitar, he also brings nursey to play violin on a few songs) as well as georgia who's there to manage logistics

and tour is so fun & chaotic with many bi and rainbow flags in the audience that end up thrown on stage and draped around jack's neck and they spend so many nights in the bus drinking and laughing and fooling around on the guitars and bitty's uke and exploring new cities bitty has never been to before and it's the freest bitty has felt in a long time

summer ends though, and jack leaves for the uk/europe leg of the tour, and with the new school year brings a few new members- river "bully" bullard (voice like gregory alan isakov), a music therapy major who draws his own cover art for his songs, lukas "louis" landmann (like jr jr), an electronic production and design major with a penchant for EDM, and johnathan "hops" hopper (like keiynan lonsdale), a film scoring major who wants to write music for movies and video games

bitty meets and befriends some of the other student directors- shruti, sd of the women’s contemporary chorus; sharon, sd of the chamber choir; and edgar, sd of jazz ensemble (even chad l., sd of the all-male a cappella group)

senior year passes similarly to the comic; coach visits and sees one of bitty’s competitions, jack comes to madison for christmas, smcc does well in competition and goes to regionals etc

however… bitty keeps putting off and putting off gathering the songs for his senior recital

he has a hard time doing that because he’s so focused on the group and making sure they’re performing well and as they advance in competition, everything else starts to fall away

eventually the rest of the smcc has to lock away his uke and change his youtube password and FORCE him to choose songs for it and start preparing because he cannot graduate without doing this recital and doing well on it

he chooses (of course) a beyonce song, a few of his own songs, an ellie goulding song, and an adele song

with all that his breath hitches and his hands shake before he goes on stage, he does really well and his voice instructor prof atley tears up a little in the audience as does his mom

meanwhile smcc goes to semifinals, then finals, of the national collegiate choral competition they participate in

and i imagine bitty faces somewhat less homophobia in this au because i mean, he’s in the performing arts, but i think it’s still there and he also faces a good amount of classism from richer students and performers who think they’re better because they had the resources and money to be performing professionally from a very young age, and he has been practicing via filming himself on a shitty camcorder and posting it to youtube

but they still get there! and the national finals are fucking HUGE and a big deal and a little overwhelming

bitty’s stage fright is Present because this is the biggest stage and the biggest stakes he's ever had and he has a big solo in one of their songs so if he fucks up, he fucks up a national championship for his whole group and school

luckily though, when he steps on the stage with his best friends and sees his boyfriend and family and smcc alums in the audience and they perform their first song, a high-energy pop medley that always gets the crowd going, everything seems to melt away and it's just him living in this moment and singing his heart out

when it gets to the next song and his solo, he forgets to be nervous and belts it out, getting screams of approval from the audience when he finishes

(dex and nursey do have a duet together that they had to practice for many long nights in the practice rooms alone but that's neither here nor there)

their time on stage seems to last both hours and no time at all and then they're done, the crowd gives them a standing ovation and it's at least 30% r&h & shitty's hooting and hollering and jack's enthusiastic clapping that makes bitty & the others beam with pride

then it's just waiting, giddy and nervous beyond belief in their green room, for the judging to be over

after what feels like forever they're back on stage, arms linked together waiting and hoping for their name to be called and it is, they win and it feels like years have built up to this moment, and bitty tears up because years ago when he was fainting from anxiety at having to perform in front of people he never could've imagined that he'd do this, that he'd be the student director that led them to a championship

they get the trophy and a ridiculous amount of flowers from their loved ones and they all are just in giddy disbelief that this is happening, they're national champs!!! they are the best choir boys in the nation!!

they come home and the rest of the school year passes by so quickly that it's very suddenly graduation and bitty can't believe his college career at samwell is over 😢

(he and ollie and wicky take pictures together, o&w talk about how excited they are to devote full time attention to their band & wedding planning and bitty's just like wait you're gay??)

bitty got plenty of offers from record companies but he likes his freedom of creativity and he has a built in fanbase from doing youtube all these years so he decides to make an album independently (jack helps him produce & master it 🥰)

when bitty's album comes out about a year later, full of bops about being gay and in love and having struggled but come out the other side more confident than ever, it doesn't get any grammy nominations- and he didn't expect or need that.

what it does do is it resonates. it makes the rounds in youtube and queer internet circles; people his age reach out to him saying this is the music they wish they had as a kid and kids reach out to him saying he's a role model and they're so glad to have his music to listen to. his album is written about as an underrated gem that shines with queer brilliance and is sure to start a party when it comes on.

his parents may not fully understand the road he's chosen for himself but they're still so proud and promote the album as hard as any of his loyal fans (especially the one country-inspired song on the album that he wrote and dedicated to them).

and jack, jack who saw this album from its infancy to its release date, who took the film photo that ended up being the album cover, who worked with bitty to make sure his vision was realized exactly how he wanted it to be, is proud beyond words.

jack starts using his semi-abandoned twitter again to tweet "stream [album name]" every day and bitty retweets them sometimes, with just a "this boy. ❤"

and they're happy. they're good. they have come so far and they are reaping the rewards of all the hard work they put in to make the music that they truly love.

the end :)

#check please #omgcp #samwell college of music au #mine #my writing #eric bittle #jack zimmermann #omgcp fic #check please fic #zimbits #uhh idk what else to tag #this fucking thing is like 4.1k words i'm-#i hope you enjoy it (and reblog it!) bc i've been working on this for literal years #i know i'll never actually write it as a longform fic so here's a bullet pt fic instead #pls let me know your thoughts i have so many things to say about this au

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ultraintrovertedgryffindor · 3 years ago

Note

Yes ! Can you maybe do an imagine where the reader breaks up with Will because they dont think they’re good enough for him ?? But with a happy ending where they get back together because he really wants to be with them

Of course, sweet Anon!😊 Man, y'all really love angst lmao In retrospect, this might be a bit too angsty😬I blame Bo Burnham's Inside

This imagine is going to be really depressing, like a lot. There will be mentions of attempted suicide and self harm so, SEVERE TRIGGER WARNING.

~~~~~~~~~~

It had been over a year since you broke up with Will.

You'd never felt more depressed in your life, but you thought it was the right decision at the time. What bullshit that turned out to be...

Your crippling insecurity forced your mind to think you didn't deserve to have someone as amazing as Will, he was so thoughtful and you were so, well, so dependent.

You weren't in the best stage of your life when you met Will, you were in a really dark place and you had even more trouble getting out of it. You haven't really made much progress since then, but you tried.

You just wanted to feel better for once. Every day, you just felt like you were drowning and taking Will with you.

He was your rock, and he made sure that he was right beside you every time you felt bad. Of course, being an actor, he had to go away sometimes and you always told him that you'd be fine. You weren't, of course, but you were always so happy for him whenever he'd book a film or TV show because it made him happy.

There were days you just felt numb, mostly when Will wasn't with you. Those days you'd just lay in your bed, sob uncontrollably until the exhaustion would put you to sleep.

Will felt helpless, and you could always see it on his face. He was worried about you, he wanted to help you, but it wasn't something that he could change or do anything about. Him worrying about you day and night made you feel even worse, that was not what you wanted for him. He deserved to be with something that lifted him up and encouraged him, not someone who's depressing all the time and unintentionally bringing him down with them. No...you didn't want that for him at all.

It was inevitable, but it didn't make it any easier to break up with him.

Will's heartbroken face would forever be engrained in your mind, but you kept telling yourself it was in his best interest.

You cried the hardest you ever cried in your entire life. You loved him so much, you didn't want to let him go, but you couldn't let your toxicity ruin his life. And you honestly thought that it would get better in time, but it only made your mental state deteriorate ever more.

One night, when the pain got too hard to handle, you took and broke your shaving razors, taking out the blades.

In hindsight, you really wished you hadn't, you felt embarrassed about it for the longest time. But trying to look on the bright side, it did force you to finally get the professional help you needed. Therapy, medication, the whole nine yards. You kicked yourself for not getting yourself help sooner, because you felt better now that you were going to therapy.

You still struggled a lot, but you knew once you found the right medication, it would become more bearable, and it did eventually. It took a lot of hard work.

You thought about Will a lot, what he was up to, if he found someone else that he loved. The thought was painful, but all you wanted for him was to find true happiness.

One day, you decided to go out to a coffee shop one morning, as opposed to just Postmateing yourself like you normally did. Your therapist did say you needed to get out more, so you took their advice.

You walked through town, a simple little coffee shop catching your eye. The name sounded familiar to you, though you couldn't quite place why. You didn't think you'd been to this place before, you usually made your own coffee, but you wanted to give it a try.

The light ring of a bell filled your ears as you opened the front door. It was a really cold morning, so the warm heat hitting your skin and inhaling the strong smell of coffee and freshly made bakeries put a small smile on your face.

You were thankful that there wasn't a line, possibly to early in the morning, maybe you got there before the usual early birds. Though looking around, it was a small place, only a few book readers scattered amongst the small tables that were set up opposite of the counter where you ordered.

While waiting for your coffee, a wall full of art caught your eye. You walked closer to look at all the pieces, all of them painted by customers. Hmm, cute...

You didn't really acknowledge the bell ringing once more, signaling an arrival of another customer, to focused on the pretty art.

"Hey!" You heard one of the workers say cheerfully, probably addressing the new customer. "Your usual, Will?"

Your smile dropped. Ha, what are the odds, right?

"Yep, of course. Thank you."

Then, your heart dropped.

You recognized that voice anywhere. Now you knew why this shop sounded so familiar, it was Will's favorite place to get coffee, he had mentioned it to you before. Of course, of all the coffee places in town, you had to pick this one.

You slowly turned around, your heart beating out of your chest and almost coming to a complete stop once you laid eyes on his face. That face you always thought about, even in your dreams. "Wi-"

"Y/n!" You cringed as the coffee shop worker called out your name, telling you that your coffee was ready.

Will immediately snapped his gaze over to you, clearly having trouble believing it was actually you. You stood there awkwardly, having a hard time reading his expression. Was he mad? Sad? Happy?

"Y/n." Will almost whispered, taking a couple steps closer to you.

Will looked the same, just as handsome as when you last saw him. His eyes were locked onto you, looking you over in awe. He thought you looked so much healthier now, but always thinking that you look stunning, no matter the circumstance.

"How...how are you?" Will started, a small smile finally stretching across his lips. "You look," He chuckled softly, "amazing."

You looked down slightly when your face started to burn, all of your blood seeming to rush right to your face from one simple compliment. "Thank you." You said sheepishly. "You look amazing too, as usual."

Now it was Will's turn to blush, his easy to spot with his fair complexion. "Uh, do you wanna, maybe, sit down? Or we could go somewhere else, if you want to, that is. Don't feel pressured or anything." He rambled.

You smiled. "Yeah, sure." You grabbed your coffee and joined Will at the table he chose to sit at. "So, uh, how've you been?" You asked, taking tiny sips of your hot drink.

"Good, good. I'll be filming a new project soon, so that'll be fun." Will paused for a beat, then sighing despairingly . "I've been, uh, thinking about you. A lot."

"I've been thinking about you too."

"I kinda lied. I am filming something soon but, I haven't been good. Ever since we broke up, life just...kind of feels a bit grey now."

You frowned, biting your lip hard to keep tears from welling up in your eyes. "I'm sorry, Will..." You whispered. "I thought you'd be better off without me to drag you down. I was such a burden."

Will furrowed his brows, shaking his head with a frown. "No. You weren't dragging me down, I loved you, Y/n. I would've done anything for you. I know that you struggled a lot with your mental health, but I wanted to be with you through all that. I never thought you were a burden, not for a second."

"I just," You wiped an unwanted tear from your cheek, "I don't think I was ready to be in a relationship then. I've been working really hard on my health and now that I have a clearer mindset, I think it was probably for the best that I broke up with you when I did."

Will took a deep breath. "I respect that. I do. I'm happy for you, that you're better now. I don't want this to come off as selfish...but I still love you. I want to be with you. But I understand if you can't be in a relationship right now. I'll wait for you, as long as it takes if you'll let me."

You blushed furiously once more. At this point, you practically wanted to throw yourself at this man. You didn't care if it didn't work out again, you still wanted him, badly.

"I still love you too, Will. Always have."

Will smiled softly. "I don't want you to be my partner again if you're not ready."

"I don't know if I am, I'm still working on myself, but...goddamn I wanna kiss you so bad right now." You said, eliciting another blush and a shy laugh from Will.

You answered him by leaning forward slowly, rubbing your nose against his before gent as you smiled widely at him, leaning closer. You almost shivered as his cold hands reached over to delicately trace your jawline, the gesture automatically putting you in a sort of trance where you could only look into his eyes.

"I really want to kiss you." Will giggled, fully cupping the side of your jaw. "May I?"

You answered him by leaning forward slowly, rubbing your nose against his before gently connecting your lips with his.

Over a year of wanting and missing Will, you ignored your dislike of PDA, you've needed this for so long. The spark you always felt when you kissed him was still there, still giving you goosebumps along with an intense desire you definitely couldn't act on in this coffee shop.

Will pulled away, only to rest his forehead against yours, his eyes closed just relishing in the moment. "I've missed you so much."

"Me too." You chuckled breathlessly.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to rush back into things. We can take it slow if that's what you want."

This man was always such a gentleman, but it just made you even more eager to take him home with you.

"Right now, I don't think I'm capable of taking things slow." You said, a almost seductive tone to your voice.

Will smiled playfully, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "That's absolutely not taking things slow."

"How about we go to my place? Make up all the lost time?" You asked not as confidently, the feeling of rejection making you nervous, but Will smiled gently, taking a hold of your hand and kissing you once more.

"Lead the way."

~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed! Hopefully it wasn't too depressing and dark in the beginning.

#will poulter #will poulter imagine #will poulter x reader #tw depression #tw sh #trigger warning

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btsficsforthehumble · 4 years ago

Text

adj.: 1. Modern, unfamiliar, or different

2. Not based on or conforming to what is generally done or believed

pairing: reader x ot7

genre: college au; angst, fluff, smut, poly, ot7

Summary: You begin your first year at a prestigious university, set out on achieving your academic goals when a series of men step into your life that change the way you view the definition of love.

Part Six

Warnings: none

Word count: 2.3k

The next day, you purposely run a little later than you normally would. You don’t know if you could endure another session of Taehyung being an actual menace at 9 o’clock in the morning. So, you take extra time to add some light makeup and pick out a pink checkered dress with a cream cardigan, and step out feeling cute, caffeinated, thanks to your morning coffee, and ready to tackle Calculus.

As you walk into the mostly full classroom, you naturally head to the spot you’ve stayed the last couple classes. This time however, you keep an eye out for Seokjin. Spotting him on the far side of the room, you send him a quick smile. Once he sees, he’s quick to send you one back with a nod.

He seems like a bit of a loner, you notice, with all of the other students engaged in hushed conversations around him, but with him seemingly content to lean on his head on his hand and stare off until class starts. He is strikingly handsome in a classical way that’s impossible to deny, which you suppose is intimidating. Coupled with him also being an older student in the class, it seems he creates a bubble around him that he himself is oblivious to.

You make eye contact with Hoseok as you head to your seat, to which he gives you a large toothy smile and a cute wave. You couldn’t hold the smile off of your own face if you tried, so you gave him a beaming grin with your own wave to accompany it.

Two seats behind Hoseok was the before-mentioned menace. His smile towards you was significantly less innocent. He was leaning back in his chair, legs stretched out far enough to be underneath your own seat, with his arms crossed. He seemed to be saying, “I’m too cool to be here.” After doing a judgmental scan of his posture, you raise an eyebrow and take your seat, and set your back firmly to him in hopes he’d get the message you didn’t want to be messed with today.

By some stroke of luck, your professor walks in almost immediately after your butt hits the seat. Pulling out your notebook, you steel yourself for the next hour of lecture in which you were refusing to let yourself get distracted. Even if Hoseok offered to study with you, you didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of him by being clueless and then being a complete dead weight.

----

After another grueling class, you have to admit your fears about being dead weight feel closer to reality than what you’d want. In hindsight, you were really glad you took Hoseok’s offer to study. Well, if you were being honest with yourself, there was no way you’d turn that down even if you were a complete master at calculus. Hoseok is so bright and charming, and you feel drawn to him in the way flowers face the sun. He had such a happy and kind energy, that you have no doubt makes people from all walks of life love him.

Regardless of the boy’s personality, you are thankful for the fact that you had someone willing to help you with your least favorite subject. You need it.

You stand, and Hoseok soon follows. He turns to both you and Taehyung, “Are you both still good to study tonight? I know I need a review!” He lets out a laugh.

Taehyung answers before you get the chance. “Yeah, me too. Cafe Persona, right?”

You were a little surprised at his serious attitude. You hadn’t seen him act like he cared about anything, including his calculus grade, in the short time you’ve known him.

“Yep! Does that work? Y/n, are you still free tonight?” Hoseok answers, now looking at you expectantly.

“Oh! Uh, yeah, that works!”

“Great! Does seven sound okay?” Hoseok looks between you and Taehyung, causing you to glance at the other boy too. Taehyung was leaning with his hip to the edge of the chair, and ankles crossed with a straight look on his face. He balances relaxed and focused, and you can’t help but be intrigued by his attitude shift. He almost seemed like a different person from yesterday.

“Yep!”

“That works.”

You and Taehyung answer at the same time, causing Hoseok to grin at both of you. “Great! See you guys then!” Hoseok waves at you both before making his way out of the classroom, leaving you and Taehyung alone.

You give him an apprehensive look, waiting for him to say something flirty. Seeing the look, he gives you an understanding smile, seemingly not in the mood to mess with you. Slightly relieved, but honestly a little worried for him, you grab your back and go to leave. You pause, and look over your shoulder.

“Hey, are you okay?” You surprise yourself as you speak. He has managed to worm himself into your heart at least slightly, it appears.

He looks up from his bent over position and gives you a small look of surprise, apparently just as bewildered by your words as you. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just didn’t sleep well after working on a project last night,” he explains.

You tilt your head to the side, now curious. You’ve never really thought about his life --- his major, year, anything. “What is the project for?” you ask.

“A sculpture class. It fulfills a requirement for art history majors.”

You aren’t going to lie, him being artistic and into history made you more attracted to him. That major fit him well, from what you have seen. He dresses in baggy clothes, usually in neutral palettes, and instead of him looking messy, he makes everything he wears look sophisticated in a way that not many people are able to do.

You say with complete honesty, “That’s actually really cool. It makes sense for you.”

Now standing, he gives you a genuine smile. “Thanks, I really enjoy it. What about you, then?”

You divert your eyes, not wanting to admit you hadn’t chosen yet. “I actually am undecided…” you admit.

“Ah, well, life is long. You’ll figure it out. You’re smart.” His eyes hold yours as you speak, shining with sincerity.

You couldn’t help the blood rushing to your cheeks. You could tell that he really meant what he had said, not just saying it to be polite.

“Thank you, Taehyung… I hope you're right.” You glance down to your phone, breaking eye contact. It was a bit too intense for you. When you saw the time, you nearly jumped. You were close to being late for your next class.

“I’m running late, I’ll see you later!” you call over your shoulder, already hustling to leave the room. You hear him call out a bye as you leave, and feel his eyes following you until you get out of sight. He definitely left you with more complicated feelings towards him than what you had anticipated. But, that’s to think about another time --- you need to haul ass to get to Intro to Comp.

You make your way across campus surprisingly fast, dodging dozens of students who seemed to be less rushed than you. Nearly winded, you arrive just as the clock reaches the hour and the professor seems ready to begin. Embarrassed at the eyes on you as you walk in, you make your way to Jimin who you see sitting near the back as fast as you can without looking strange. You knew your face was red from the exertion and the embarrassment.

He laughed at your predicament as soon as you got close, and cleared the stuff of the seat he was saving for you.

“Shut up!” you whisper yell at him, but a smile breaks out on your face at his wide smile that showcased a just slightly crooked tooth. His eyes disappeared into crescent shapes at the force of his full cheeks lifting.

Once he calms down, and the lecture begins in relative peace, he leans over to you to speak without being overheard. “The LA was staring at you when you walked in, you know? His eyes never left you until you sat down.” He gives a conspiratorial grin.

“What? No way.” You give him an incredulous look. The LA seemed broadly disinterested --- disinterested in the class, disinterested in people, disinterested in you.

“I only noticed because I was watching him before you walked in,” Jimin admits with a giggle.

“He probably was just looking at me since I came in late, that’s all,” you justified.

Jimin raises a brow at you. “I guess we’ll see then, won’t we.” His eyes travel down the length of your torso and back up again, before giving you a smirk.

“Oh God. Whatever you are thinking, please don’t,” you whine.

He just widens his grin in response. Between Taehyung and Jimin, you felt that you’ve reached your mischief quota for the year already. You let your eyes slide shut and groan quietly.

----

“Come on y/n, don’t worry. I just have to ask him a question!” Jimin giggles, failing to hide his evil intentions. He wants to drag you up to have a quick chat with your broody LA, currently standing idle at the front of the room, watching the students filter out of the lecture hall.

“Sunbae if you do something embarrassing you owe me a drink,” you groan out. “Please, please be normal.”

“Don’t worry,” he draws out with a smile. A villainous smile, may you add. And with that, he drags you down the rows of chairs to the front of the room, stopping just short of Yoongi.

You hover slightly behind Jimin’s shoulder, wanting to leave but not wanting to abandon your friend. Yoongi looks back and forth between you and Jimin, and settles back on you, making you bristle slightly. It didn’t help that he had a delicate frown marring his features.

Jimin’s cheery voice quickly penetrates the awkward silence. “Hi, Yoongi right? My name’s Jimin! I was wondering if for the first project, we had to have a bridge structure? Or if we could use a double chorus maybe? Doctor Choi didn’t specify in class today.”

Yoongi narrowed his eyes at Jimin. “For the first project, use the traditional structure. Choi will grade you harsher if he thinks you’re a try-hard,” he gruffly answers.

“Hm, I see. I can be a bit overzealous at times, when I’m interested in something,” Jimin replies, this time in a much lower pitch. You watch his eyes roam Yoongi’s figure as he speaks, not bothering to disguise his interest.

“Can’t we all.” Yoongi’s voice is somehow even gruffer than before. And this time, he is staring straight at you as he replies.

Jimin notices, and gives a knowing smirk your direction. “Thanks Yoongi, see you next class!” Jimin sing-songs with a smile. He grabs your wrist, leading you out of the auditorium.

It’s a good thing he does, because your brain was short-circuiting after that interaction. You feel like a deer in the headlights, and nearly stumble as you try to keep pace with Jimin.

As soon as you walk out of the building, Jimin lets out a cackle, bending over from it’s force. “I told you! He definitely thinks you're hot, I mean, did you see the way he was looking at you? He looked like he wanted to eat you right there and then!” He lets out another loud laugh at his words.

You could feel your cheeks flaming. “Ugh, what the hell was that! Why’d you even say that to him! YOU were the one trying to eat HIM!” you yell slightly, waving your arms like a crazy person.

His laughter only gets louder at your response. “I wanted to test a theory! While I wish I was wrong and he wanted a piece of me, he only had eyes for you, darling.” His laughter died down slightly. “You look really pretty today, I don’t blame him,” he adds. His gaze turns slightly wistful, but it only lasts a second before he skips over to you and links your arms.

“That’s no reason to do all of that! You’re so embarrassing, sunbae!” You look up at him, giving him your best pout.

He pulls you closer, forcing your face to rest against his shoulder slightly. “Ah, the hot LA thinks you're cute! This is a win, my dear.” He gives a smirk down at you.

“I don’t know if that’s it. He seems kind of mean… maybe he’s just socially awkward or something,” you guess.

Jimin tilts his head, and says, “Maybe. Either way I know I had fun, your blush is too cute.” He gives you another mischievous grin.

You roll your eyes, and reach in your bag to check your phone. You needed to get some work done before your meeting with Hoseok and Taehyung.

Seeing the time, you quickly unlink your arms from Jimin’s and go to say goodbye. You want to have enough time to run though some practice problems before you go later, and you knew it was going to take you a while. It seems the time was causing you to have to cut all your conversations short today, unfortunately.

“Bye sunbae, I have to go. Oh, and you owe me a drink!” you declare.

He gives you a pout of his own at your leaving, but is quick to transform into a wide grin at your reminder.

“This weekend!” he calls as you start backing up. You roll your eyes in response, and turn around to walk in the direction of your apartment. It was time to grind out some work, and not think of the weird interactions with boys that had happened today.

#BTS #ot7 #ot7 x reader #poly ot7 #houseofddaeng

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engagemachine · 3 years ago

Note

For the emoji head cannons. Any or all - you know I’m asking about J and Tay 🥰

💜🧺👀🚪

Alright, kids. BUCKLE UP. There's some seriously good stuff in here, including some headcanons written by a good friend and reader, and you don't want to miss it!

💜— How do they say goodnight?

J doesn't—at least not unless Taylor comes and says it first. Usually, he's not even home at night, and she's resigned herself on those nights to having to go to bed without him. She used to try and wait up for him, but she always ended up falling into a fitful sleep, usually on the couch or sometimes slumped over on the barstool at the kitchen counter, her head pillowed on her forearms, a little spot of drool on the counter. She'd wake sometime later, usually with an awful crick in her neck, or with the knowledge that school's in a couple of hours and Mr. J still hasn't come back yet....

It's hard to sleep when he isn't there, and her nightmares are always worse on those nights. Sometimes she gets herself really worked up, convinces herself he's not coming back, that he's abandoned her, that he's bored, he's moved on. It's embarrassing, how quickly she's capable of working her entire body into a full-blown panic attack. She hugs his pillow to her tummy and curls around it in the fetal position, closing her eyes, smelling him, the scent he left behind. Gasoline. Smoke. Sweat. Smells that should affront her, but she finds comforting instead. It's all she's ever known.

A couple of times she's woken after falling asleep at the counter, her homework all spread out around her in a half-moon circle, with a pair of strong arms picking her up. She's usually so sleepy by then that she just does what's natural—wraps her legs around his waist and winds her arms around his neck. He puts her in her bed, as he always does—and without fail, usually twenty minutes later, or maybe an hour—she's creeping into his bedroom and slipping under the covers, scooting across the expanse of the bed until she's curled up against his back. Finally she can whisper "good night", barely audible in the darkness. She traces a tiny heart on his spine with her finger, and then she drifts to sleep.

🧺— Random domestic headcanon

Taylor manages to finagle Netflix from Mr. J--and boy, she had to work for it--but now that she has it, she's obsessed. She can finally watch all these shows that everyone on Instagram and Youtube are always talking about. There's a little community of people on this Youtube channel she likes to watch, this girl who does her make-up and reviews TV shows at the same time. It's so fun, and it always puts her in a good mood. Sometimes she leaves comments on the videos, and one time a couple people commented back! It was so exciting, and she likes chatting with these strangers, especially because she has no one else to talk to, and sometimes she thinks Mr. J gets bored listening to her prattling about stuff he doesn't care about.

Anyway, she's started watching this one show. She asks Mr. J if he wants to watch it with her, but he always says no... and then proceeds to stand next to the couch for half an hour squinting at the TV, as if the events unfolding before him deeply confuse him.

"Mr. J, just sit down!" she says, laughing. But he always says he has to finish working... and then stands there for another thirty minutes until the episode is over.

It's kind of their thing, now, and she thinks he's starting to get really into the show, which is exciting. Maybe she can finally talk about it with him?

But then... but then. She had to know that this episode would come, they've only been hinting at the sexual tension with all the grace of a sledgehammer for the past five episodes, and now, episode six, they're finally doing it, and Taylor. Is. Mortified.

Mr. J is, of course, perched right next to the couch throughout the entire event, standing, hovering way too close, now that she thinks about it, and she reaches for a nearby pillow and holds it up to her face in a poor attempt to shield her blush from him. The characters are moaning so loud, oh my god, she might as well be watching porn--and Mr. J's standing right there! She peeks up to glance at him, once, twice, and the third time she does it, she catches him staring at her, smirking, and she flushes so hard that she gives herself a headache from the intensity of her bloodrush.

Oh, my god. This is the worst.

"Something the matter, sweet pea?"

Oh, he knows. She knows that he does.

But she plays innocent. She's not gonna tell him how embarrassing this is. No way.

"Nope," she squeaks. "I'm fine."

She leaves halfway through the scene, abandoning the couch with some mumbled excuse about having to go to the bathroom--and she hides out there and peeks between the crack in the door until the scene's done.

When she returns, Mr. J looks at her and frowns, picking up the remote.

"Shame you missed the good part," he says, completely straight-faced. She looks at him, blinking.

"Oh," she says, "Well, I--"

"Don't worry," he says, smirking in a way she knows can't be good. "I'll rewind it for you."

👀— What’s their favorite body part on themselves? On their partner?

Okay, so my good friend @darkobsessions1989 was kind enough to provide an answer for this prompt before I had even been prompted with it, and she wrote a gorgeous scenario for both J and Taylor, so with her permission, I'll share both of those here:

She's been sketching his hands a lot lately. Trying to convey their rugged elegance, the sinewy length of his fingers and sharp knobs of his knuckles. She wants to capture their strength and duality. The way those hands have the capacity to be as soft and gentle as they can be harsh and rough. How sometimes, they can even be both at once.

She isn't really sure that's something she's even capable of conveying through lead and paper, but she's been trying anyways. Her sketchbook is a filled with countless renderings of his hands. Various versions of his fingers, knuckles, and palms. Close ups that detail all the little lines and scars across his skin, and more distant takes that sometimes travel a little ways up his forearms. Most are in pencil, but a few have been executed in pen or fine tipped markers--whatever she had closest on hand at the time, really.

She often thinks about the time he'd caught her watching him while she scribbled away on that sort of project. How he'd asked to see what she was drawing, and chased her through the house to pin her to the bed when she was too embarrassed to show him.

She remembers the thrill that rolled through her when he made that suggestive, "If I'd only known..." comment, and how that thrill had doubled as he advanced on her. She remembers just exactly how his weight had felt atop her, how her heart had hammered away in her chest, her tummy jumping with anticipation as he slid her arms up over her head and pinned them against the mattress under a big hand.

She'd been half convinced he was going to escalate things as he'd slid his free hand down the front of her body, and she'd been all too eager to tip her hips up to accommodate. Much to her dismay, he'd backed off. But she thinks--now that she's had more experience with him in this regard--that he might not have if she'd told him what he'd wanted to hear.

She knows now that there are certain things he really likes hearing. The mere thought of most of those things makes her flush crimson. But sometimes... sometimes it makes her do more than just flush.

Which is why she hasn't really been bothering with trying to hide any of what she sketches. She does it right in front of him, even though it kind of makes her antsy when he pays too much attention or stares right back. She tells herself that if he ever sees her drawing his hands again and calls her on it, she's gonna tell him.

She's gonna tell him that she likes his hands, likes everything about them. Their size, their texture. The length of his fingers and the wide width of his palms. The way they look. Their impossible heat, and how they feel pressed against her skin. On her tongue. Inside her.

It occurs to her that maybe that's a part of why she's been drawing them so much. Maybe she's just been looking for another excuse. An opportunity to show him that she does know how to use her words.

Maybe she won't manage to say it all without clamming up, but she thinks she'd like to try. She thinks he'd like that.

His favorite body part of hers? Honestly, there really isn't any part of her that doesn't peak his interest in one way or another. He's got damn near every inch of her mapped out in his head, her visage cast and carved out across the meaty ridges of his brain like some grisly work of art. He knows her. Inside and out, both corporeally and otherwise.

That said, if he had to choose just one part of her, he supposes he does have a rather particular fondness for the nape of that long, skinny neck. The faintly raised notch of bone that protrudes there between where the back of her neck and shoulders meet. The way that stretch of tissue, skin and bone seems tailored just for him. For his cupping of the fragile curve of her spine in his palm of his hand, just below the base of her skull.

Sometimes he likes to spread his fingers there, slide them up into her hair against her scalp, or squeeze just a little too tightly at the sides of her neck. He likes the way her breath catches, how she often tries to ease the pressure of his grip by getting closer. He likes the little baby hairs that dust along her hairline there too. How they they get a little frizzy and stuck to the dampness of her skin whenever she works up a sweat.

Truthfully, for how often and closely he's studied her, he could compose an entire anthology dedicated solely to the intricacies of her body--not that he ever would.

🚪— What would kill their trust in their partner/close them off? Could this ever be amended?

Ugh, this is a great question. Taylor's seen (and found out about) a loooot of stuff that the Joker has done that she doesn't approve of/doesn't like. She knows he blew up Gotham University, and she knows about the camera he planted in her room, and the fact that he's been drugging her (which she has been blissfully willing to ignore after their little couch encounter at the end of chapter seven) and obviously a bunch of other horrible stuff he's done. So that being said, if J were to do something to close Taylor off/kill her trust in him, it'd have to be something pretty big. She's tolerated a lot so far in the story, but she isn't unbreakable. It's hard to answer this question without spoiling anything, but suffice to say, you'll have this question answered at some point in Burn.

As for J, I think even if Taylor were to go to the police/were to do something behind his back, these behaviors would certainly be grounds for him losing trust in her--but I also think he'd be of the mind that these little "infractions" could be amended. He'd just have to work extra hard to get her back on his side again--but he wouldn't give up on her. No way.

#gemstar24 #asks #Burn #prompts #thank you for these!#by the way: kudos to anyone who can figure out what the Netflix show is that I'm referencing #;)#PS. forgot to give credit to Napiersmirk who supplied the idea for the domestic headcanon in the first place!!!#thank you!

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morepeachyogurt · 4 years ago

Text

a sky full of stars (and she was looking at her)

Word Count- 2.8k

Pairing- Penemily

Summary- Penemily highschool au where they are paired up on a English assignment! Based on this post.

Part 1 of my, maybe we’re from the same star, series

Read it here on ao3

Tw’s- very small mentions of substances, minor swearing

A/N- this is the first installment of a series based on my yearning posts, and my first time writing romance/3rd pov, I’d love some feedback!

It’s hard to miss Penelope Garcia. With her bright clothes and brighter personally it seems like the sun shines a spotlight on her. Her golden hair is like a halo around her, she looks like an angel, and perhaps one of these days Emily will get the courage to talk to her beyond small talk and group presentations. She’s pulled out of her thoughts when the shrill bell rings, too loudly for her tastes but this whole building seems to scream at her, so perhaps it’s fitting.

Ms. Blake starts to talk about ancient poetry. The greats from the time periods before everything got so complicated. English is not Emily’s favorite class but somehow Blake’s class is more or less interesting, is it because she’s a milf? Maybe, who’s to say. As the class nears its end, she announces, “Alright, as we close out our poetry unit, we have one last assignment that hopefully at least one of you will enjoy, it’s a group project where-” immediately two hands go up ready to ask the question that always gets asked when a group project is announced. “Before you ask, no, you aren’t picking your partners, I am,” a collective groan comes out of about half the class. Emily isn’t too mad about it though, she doesn’t have many friends, especially in honors English. JJ barely passes English as it is. She’s all alone here, so she’s glad she doesn’t have to suffer through the awkwardness of trying to find a partner before everyone else does and ending up with the one kid who she’s pretty sure has been high the entire year and likes to leer at her in the hallway. “For this assignment, you’ll have to analyze one famous poem, from whatever time period you’d like, and write an essay about the poet’s intentions. If you’d like extra credit, which I know for a fact some of you need, you can do a reading of the poem in front of the class or do a drawing that represents it. Any questions?”

The classroom fills with questions of ‘when is this due?’ And ‘this sucks do we have to do this’. Emily however, is distracted by one very colorful girl in the upper left corner of the room, her spot in the back lets her admire the view without being caught, which tends to make it difficult to pay attention, but well, some things are just more fun than others. Her attention is drawn back to Blake when she hears her name followed by Penelope Garcia.

Oh shit.

On the one hand, this is exactly the opportunity she’d been looking for to ‘make her move’ so to speak, on the other, she’s terrified of making a fool of herself. Emily realizes that she’s been sitting for a bit too long when Blake stops talking and the rest of the class has already paired off. She catches Penelope’s eyes and tries to fight the blush of her cheeks. The sound of her docs hitting the linoleum is a bit too intense for this setting, she prefers their ‘clunk’ when it’s a crowded room, and she can walk like she owns the place. Emily sits down at the desk adjacent to Penelope and gets ready to ruin her chances with her.

“Okay! Hi! I’m Penelope! Which you already knew because Ms. Blake announced it, but it’s polite to introduce yourself to people so I thought I would do that now which I’ve done so I’ll stop talking now!”

Emily can’t help but giggle a little at her rambling, she doesn’t want her to stop talking quite yet, her voice melodic to her ears.

“So, I’m not big in poetry, I’m more of a comic book gal if you catch my drift, so I was hoping that you had some thoughts?” She drags the o in hoping and trails off waiting for Emily to fill in the blanks. It takes her a second too long because her brain is short-circuiting but she manages.

“Yeah okay, um, I’ve read some Sappho back when my mother was stationed in Greece? That could work?” she hopes bringing up Sappho wasn’t too obvious of her intentions, but it was all she could think of. Sappho had a point when she said ‘Sweet mother, I cannot weave – slender Aphrodite has overcome me with longing for a girl’

“Yeah okay! Cool! We’ve got like 3 minutes left of class, would you want to go to Bricks and Beans after school to work on it?”

“Uh yeah, yeah, that, um, that sounds great! I’ll meet you in front of the school?”

“Yep!” She pops the ‘p’ and Emily thinks she can’t possibly get cuter.

Emily’s walk to lunch has never been quite this mix of excitement and anxiety as it is now. Hopefully, JJ will be able to make sense of what’s happening because the wires in Emily’s brain are very much twisted.

“Okay, I’m telling you it’s not a date,”

“Yeah I know it’s not technically a date but come on. I personally have never asked my group project partner to a coffee shop before. She obviously likes you.”

Jennifer Jareau has been blessed with the right combination of looks that ensures she never had to wonder if her crushes liked her back. Emily wishes she had that special brand of confidence, but it’s simply not realistic, the number of openly queer girls at school is small, the number of them that would be interested in her? Even smaller.

“Look I’m not going to be the loser that gets my heart broken all right,” she steals a fry off of JJ’s tray before her hand gets smacked.

“Ugh I’m so bored here, promise me you’ll at least try. I need some new drama around here and you two would be so fucking cute.”

“Fine. On the condition that when* it goes south you’re buying me ice cream.”

Emily’s day goes by slowly and all at once. Hours turn into years turn into seconds and before she knows it she’s awkwardly standing outside the building waiting for Penelope to meet her.

When she does, Emily’s pulse quickens ever so slightly in her presence. It’s annoying as hell.

“I was worried you were standing me up,” a futile attempt on Emily’s behalf of trying to seem calm, cool, and collected.

“What! I would never, I’ve been looking forward to getting a macchiato and hanging out with you and Sappho all day! Coolest ladies from recent history,” she has to try and stop herself from getting too excited at Penelope’s words, they don’t mean anything, she’s just some loser that she has to work with to get a good final grade in the class. A means to an end, disposable.

“I don’t think Sappho counts as recent history but thank you, ma’am,” ma’am? God, what is she doing, this is going to go south faster than the time she tried to wear ripped jeans to one of her mother’s stupid dinner parties. To her surprise, her stupid comment is met with a giggle on Penelope’s part.

“Why thank you darling,” she replies in a phony southern accent that makes them both crack up, “Lead the way.”

Bricks and Beans is the staple coffee shop where all the high schoolers hang out after school or work during college. The owners are a sweet old couple in their 70’s who seem to be reliving the past with the vintage decorations. The pair settle into a table in the back, a window next to them showing off the highway. Emily is tasked with buying the coffees and Penelope rattles off her order filled with things Emily’s never even heard of.

“Okay, I’m pretty sure the barista is laughing at me now but here is your sugar coffee with whipped cream,” she says as she slides into her seat, placing down the coffees on the minimal free space left.

“My savior,” she says, fake swooning, “Okay so, Sappho? That’s the lesbian right?”

Emily answers with a snort before actually replying, “Yeah that’s the lesbian. I’m sure Blake will love it. I’m like, 90% sure she’s gay.”

“Single English teacher who loves Oscar Wilde? Yeah, I get it. My gaydar is spectacular by the way.”

“Oh yeah?”

She nods.

“Um, yeah, okay how about this poem:

‘and in your song most of all she rejoiced.

But now she is conspicuous among Lydian women

as sometimes at sunset

the rosyfingered moon

surpasses all the stars. And her light

stretches over salt sea

equally and flowerdeep fields.

And the beautiful dew is poured out

and roses bloom and frail

chervil and flowering sweetclover.

But she goes back and forth remembering

gentle Atthis and in longing

she bites her tender mind’”

“That’s gorgeous,” Penelope had a dreamy look in her eyes, like seeing a beautiful sunset for the first time. Except, instead of a sunset she was looking at Emily, seeing her, like for the first time, “I love when artists talk about the stars,” she leans back on her chair and looks up as if she’s looking at a constellation and not an off-white popcorn ceiling. Her collarbones are exposed and Emily feels like a 17th-century peasant pining over exposed ankles, “There’s just something about the stars ya know? They’re so far away, but sometimes it feels like we’re there with them. They twinkle at us and at each other,” she pauses to make eye contact, “maybe the greatest love story is in the sky,” there’s a beat too long, Emily doesn’t know how to respond to that comment, it’s hard to follow art without ruining it.

“Or maybe I’m just a sad sap for romance.”

“No!” She gets a of couple heads turned her way, the exclamation too loud for the environment, “I mean no, I get what you mean, they’re beautiful. Sometimes at night I go on my roof just to stargaze. It’s so peaceful there,” it’s now or never, “you should do it with me someday.”

“I’d love that,” it’s almost bashful, the two of them hoping the underlying meanings of their words are being shown, lest their hopes not be conveyed and come shattering down like a falling star.

The sun slowly sets as they work on interpreting the inter-workings of Sappho’s mind. The drinks run out so Emily buys them both hot chocolate, extra whipped cream and chocolate chips for Penelope. When she takes a sip, the whipped cream sticks to the side of her face.

“You got some whipped cream on your face,” she gestures to the offender in question. The blonde tries and fails, to get it off.

“Did I get it?”

“No, it’s more,” after some failed attempts, and the failure of Emily’s common sense, she decides to just get it off herself. It feels too intimate too quick, they both freeze, Emily’s hand inches away from Penelope’s face. Their eyes lock, scared brown eyes met soft blue ones and just for a second, there is peace in between their beating hearts and hands. Emily quickly brings her hand down and mumbles an apology.

After three hours they call it a night, Emily now the proud owner of Penelope’s phone number. On her drive home, she wonders if she’d done right, and she wonders if she’d done wrong. If she was clear about what stargazing meant to her. A branch into her world, her safe space. To share the dark night sky with something is to share your soul with them. Even JJ didn’t know about her nighttime viewings. Did Penelope feel the same way? The shared smiles and small laughs pointed yes. But Penelope was Penelope and Emily was Emily. How could an angel love a human? Why would it sacrifice its virtue for the danger of love? If Penelope was pink and Emily was dark green, could they mix and make something beautiful or would they both end up a ruined brown?

Dinner is tense as always, she does not share anything with her mother, she does not want to. They tiptoe around each other hoping that they won’t step on each other’s toes and crash. Emily retreats to her room the second dinner is over and opens a window. She loves that it gets dark earlier now. The fresh fall air trumps that tacky of scented candles that fill the house in a futile attempt to make it a home. She opens her laptop to finish the concluding paragraph of their essay. She allows herself to be lost in the words of another in order to avoid her own problems of love and belonging. Her phone rings. It’s her problems. They chat with careful conversation about their project and finally, it is finished. It looks good actually, or at least, to Emily it does. It’s not going to win them a Pulitzer, but they’ll get an A.

And then, “Hey.”

“Hey?” They’ve been on the phone for a half an hour, she’s not sure why she’s being greeted all of a sudden.

“Does your offer to stargaze still stand? It’s nice out tonight and, I don’t know, it sounded nice?”

“Yeah of course! Do you, um, do you need a ride or?”

“Nah I got my license and good old Esther. I do need your address though.”

“Oh yeah, I’ll text it to you. Who’s Esther?”

“My car! She’s a lovely thing thought she needed a name. I’ll be there in say, 15 minutes?”

“Sure. Bye Penelope.”

Holy shit.

Okay, she’s got 15 minutes to both have everything ready, but also seem completely casual about the fact that her crush is coming over to stargaze on her roof. The ambassador is long retreated either in bed or into her office, so she shouldn’t be a problem. Emily grabs a couple of blankets for them to sit on to avoid the chilly breeze and a bag of popcorn. She brushes her hair and touches up her eyeliner, not that it’s really visible in the dark, but it helps her feel confident which she’s desperate for at the moment. Her phone buzzes with a text, *im here!!!* It reads. She takes a deep breath before very slowly opening the door.

“Hi,” she whispers, the wind carrying her voice, but it’s just loud enough for its recipient. She closes the door

“Hi! So! Stargazing? That’s fun, I’m like, really excited it’s been a while since I’ve done something like this,” she somehow makes a whisper seem filled with enough energy to power a flashlight that Emily definitely should have brought. They make their way to the intersection where the hill meets the rooftop, and they only trip once, on a stick, but together they stay upright. Emily throws the blankets on the roof and climbs up on the chair before throwing her body on the roof. With her help, Penelope makes her way up after a couple of tries. By the time they lay the blankets out and are sitting down, they’re both practically crying from laughter, her nerves from earlier disappearing slowly.

The laughter fizzles out, and they’re both left staring at the stars. Penelope apparently is an expert of both astronomy and astrology so Emily’s ears are blessed with the sound of her voice. Like sunshine on a sweet summer day. She thinks that Penelope and her are like the sun and the moon, both beautiful, and complementary. Emily’s gaze shifts from the constellations to Penelope’s side profile. The stars shine almost as bright as her, and she can’t help but watch her instead. She can see the stars in her eyes, perhaps they were always there, but they’re more visible now looking in their reflection.

“God they’re beautiful,” Penelope says in awe. Like she can’t believe she’s blessed with the presence of the stars when really it is the stars who should have the honor.

“Yeah, yeah they are,” at this point she’s openly gazing at Penelope. When Penelope turns to meet her gaze she thinks she’s been caught, that it’s over and this night will be one for the ages in terms of beauty and heartbreak. Slowly, a hand makes its way to her cheek, cold like the air around them, but it somehow manages to set her skin on fire.

“May I?”

Emily nods and then they are lips on hers, it is sweet just like her. She’s being kissed under the starlight by a girl who deserves only beauty. Perhaps her dark green can be the field by the sunset of Penelope’s pink in the painting they make together. They do not have to mix, they can simply be combined to create something stunning. They can simply be. They pull apart slowly, and looking into her eyes, Emily thinks that the stars in comparison are simply dull. There is nothing as bright and beautiful in the world as the eyes of your lover.

Tag list- @royalpenelope @scandinavian-punk @kermitsaysgayrights

#penemily #Penelope garcia #emily prentiss #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fic #let me know what y’all think!!!#lucy’s fics!#mine!

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robinrunsfiction · 4 years ago

Text

I See Stars

Pairing: Teacher!Gerard Way x Teacher!Female Reader Rating: General Requested By: None Word Count: ~6,000 Author’s Note: A few things about this story. First, this is one of the stories where the moodboard came before the story. Second, I specifically chose to name the school what I did because there is an actual school named that and I know it because my Dad went there when he was a kid, not just because of the song, but it does work on that level too. Third, the story and the title were inspired by the song Starz by Ben Kweller which you should listen to sometime if you haven’t before, like on repeat while reading this. Lastly, this is just really fluffy. Like... that’s it. I’m not kidding. There is no twist, I’m being 100% honest with you. Life is hard enough lately, let’s just be happy and read some damn fluff yes? Yes, ok enjoy.

"I would like to welcome everyone back for what is sure to be another successful year at Our Lady of Sorrows Academy," Headmaster O’Connor announced from his place behind the podium.

(YN) looked around the auditorium excitedly, taking in the way the teachers seemed to be grouped together. Most of the faculty seemed like they were older, probably working here for many years, but she did spot a couple of others that seemed to be about her age. She wished she hadn't been so early so she would have had an excuse to sit by them as they seemed very friendly with each other, and she was hoping to meet new potential friends.

“I’m happy to welcome some new staff this year. Barb Jones will be teaching algebra,” an older woman stood up and gave a wave. “And (YFN) (YLN) is joining the English department,” the headmaster announced. (YN) stood as well and smiled, hoping that she was making a good first impression. She'd been hired on to replace a teacher who had retired at the end of the last school year and she realized that this probably meant she had large shoes to fill, but the challenge excited her and she was beyond excited for the increase in pay and prestige that came with teaching at a private preparatory school with a stellar reputation like OLSA.

After a few more introductions and a bit of a pep talk from the Headmaster regarding expectations and achievement, the teachers were dismissed to their classrooms before the departmental meetings began. (YN) found her room near the front of the building and before opening the door, she took a deep breath and realized that she had finally made it, she had her own classroom full of possibilities. Not a space to share with other teachers who would rearrange the desks, or fill the drawers with empty pens and dried out markers, and put up stupid posters that would ultimately get vandalized.

She opened the door and took in the room. The walls and two tall bookshelves were bare, waiting to be filled, and the desks were in neat rows. She went to the windows that looked out on the tree lined street and smiled thinking about how the leaves would glow when autumn settled in. She walked around to the desk in the front of the room and ran her hands over the smooth, cool wood. She sat down into the chair and spun around in it while giggling with delight until she heard voices coming down the hall and she stopped and straightened up.

She couldn’t wait for the new school year to begin.

(YN) had never felt so relieved to hear the lunch bell ring.

As the students filed out of the classroom, she sank down into her desk chair and held her throbbing head in her hands. The first day wasn’t supposed to be like this. She expected some of the students would be excited and maybe some would be bored or irritated that summer was over, but instead they were aggressive about the curriculum, asking questions she wasn’t prepared for and pulling no punches. After a deep breath, she grabbed her bag, got up, and started walking in the opposite direction of the noisy cafeteria.

Eventually she found herself in a stairwell and decided to go up. When she opened the door at the top of the stairs, she was blinded by the bright sunlight of the early September afternoon. She blinked a few times before propping the door open with her bag, and sat against the brick wall. The noise of the city just beyond the walls of the building was loud as it always was, but it felt less imposing than the noise of the students confined within the school below her. She closed her eyes and took another deep breath, centering herself. For a moment she finally felt just a little relaxed.

"What are you doing up here?"

(YN)'s eyes snapped open. Standing over her was another teacher, hand on one hip, coffee in the other. "Sorry, I just needed some quiet, I didn't-" she apologized as she scrambled to her feet.

“It’s fine, it’s fine!” He laughed. “I just didn’t expect anyone else to be here, it’s been my secret getaway since I started working here,” he said sitting down next to where she had been, leaning against the wall. (YN) didn’t know if he expected her to leave him alone until she realized he was smiling up at her and patting the ground next to where he was sitting. “I’m Gerard Way, I’m in the art department. You’re (YN), right? The new English teacher?”

“Yep, that’s me,” (YN) nodded, relaxing a little as she sat down.

“So what brings you up here?”

“I’ve got a massive headache. I thought I was prepared for the first day, but the environment here is so much more overwhelming than my old school. These kids are…”

“Intense?”

“Yes! That’s exactly it!”

Gerard laughed. “Yea, that’s what happens when most of the students are expected to get into the Ivy League.”

“At least I can brace for the afternoon,” (YN) sighed. “How long have you been working here?”

“A couple years. I never felt like I fit in with a staff until I started here, which is strange given that it’s such a traditional environment, but I’ve met two of my closest friends working here.”

“Who are they?”

“Ray in the music department and Frank, he teaches political science and social studies.”

“Oh yea, I think I’ve seen them at one meeting or the other.”

“They’re good guys,”Gerard nodded before glancing down at his watch. “I hope your headache is better, the lunch hour is almost over.”

(YN) nodded and stood up. “Thanks for not kicking me out of your secret hideaway.”

“Feel free to come up here anytime,” Gerard replied as he got to his feet as well. He held the door open for (YN) as she picked up her bag.

“Maybe I will,” she nodded as she waved and headed off to her classroom.

The afternoon went by a bit more smoothly than the morning had. The last class of the day had been dismissed and (YN) let out a sigh of relief when there was a knock on the door.

“Excuse me, Ms. (YLN). do you have a minute?”

(YN) looked up and saw one of her sophomore students at the door. “Yes, how can I help you Sadie?”

“Well there are a lot of academic organizations and sports teams, but I want to start a new club, so my college applications can be more well-rounded, and we need an advisor.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“A creative writing club. I have a few friends who are interested, but we don’t have a formal organization yet. Would you be willing to supervise it?” Sadie asked pleadingly.

“Sure! That sounds like a really good idea. When would you like to have the first meeting?”

“Can we start next Tuesday after school? I can make fliers tonight.”

“That works for me. I’m honored you want me to help.”

“You were my first choice,” Sadie smiled. “I can tell you’re kind of nerdy, like me.”

(YN) laughed lightly. “Well, I can’t argue with you on that.”

“Own it,” Sadie grinned. “Anyway, thanks Ms. (YLN), I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said before hurrying out. (YN) shook her head and smiled. It had been a long day, but this was exactly what made teaching worth it in the end.

It was a few weeks into the school year when Gerard was called for a meeting with Headmaster O'Connor.

“Mr. Way, I’ve given you a bit of leeway regarding the expectations of instructors here, but in the interest of fairness to the rest of the faculty, I must insist that you start meeting the standards of your employment as a teacher at OLSA that have been neglected,” Headmaster O’Connor explained.

Gerard sat up straighter in the chair and cleared his throat. “What do you mean by that?”

“It’s expected that all faculty advise at least one club or team.”

“Oh, Ray and Frank are running the music club, right? I’ll help with that.”

“No, we limit the number of advisors per organization to two so that there is a good balance throughout the school and no club has to go without, or we have an organization with more adults than students. You’ll need to find something else. Also you might find yourself spending more time volunteering at things like sporting events, it will only help you in the long run around here.”

“I’m not the sporting event type,” Gerard clarified.

“Fine, social events then. We just do not want these tasks to fall on some of our other already overburdened staff.”

“So someone complained I wasn’t pulling my weight?” Gerard smirked.

Headmaster O’Connor chuckled and shook his head. “Gerard, I like you, that’s why I hired you. You’re a much needed breath of fresh air in this school. But yes, some of our more senior staff think that maybe you are due to be pulling a bit more weight.”

Gerard sighed. “Ok, I’ll see what I can do.”

The next night Gerard had stayed late hanging up the first art projects the students had completed in the small school gallery. As he walked down the hall toward the front entrance to leave, he thought he heard music despite the late hour. He turned down the corridor and saw the lights were on in the room where the music was coming from. He peeked in the door and couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face when he saw it was (YN), straightening up the classroom as she softly sang along to the song. He knocked on the door frame and she whipped around.

“Gerard, hey! You’re really good at startling me,” she laughed.

“Sorry,” he realized that it wasn't the first time he had done that and felt himself blush. “I was just wondering what you’re still doing here?”

“I’m advising the creative writing club.”

Gerard’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “I didn’t even know we had a creative writing club, that’s cool. I’ve been writing and drawing my own comic books for a long time now.”

“Seriously? That’s really interesting! We just started the club a couple weeks ago, so please feel free to drop by our next meeting.”

“Tuesday after school?”

“Yep,” she smiled.

Gerard nodded thoughtfully. “I’ve recently been informed by Headmaster O'Connor that I should be advising a club.”

“Even better! Different creative perspectives would be great for the students,” she said turning off the music and gathering her jacket and her bag. “Ya know, I’ve always wanted to get into comic books, but I just don’t know where to start. There are so many, it’s kinda overwhelming.”

“I could bring you a few from my collection and you could try,” he offered as they walked out of the school.

“I’d appreciate it! Well, I’m going this way,” she said nodding down the street as the sun began to set, illuminating them in a warm orange glow.

“I’m going this way,” he pointed the opposite direction.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she smiled and waved. Gerard waved and watched her head up the street for a minute before he turned to head home.

The fall semester seemed to be flying by and (YN) was adjusting well to the new school, but the highlight of each week was definitely the creative writing club meetings. The small group of students were fantastic writers, bringing both short stories and poetry for the other students to listen to and offer advice and critiques. (YN) also found that she enjoyed the time she got to spend with Gerard. As promised, he started bringing her comics to read and she devoured each one so they could spend time after the students left discussing the characters and plots.

It was late fall when the faculty of OLSA sat in the auditorium for their biweekly meeting. Gerard found himself tuning in and out of the meeting because as an art teacher, a lot of what was being discussed didn’t apply to him. Then one of the history teachers got up and started talking about organizing the winter formal that was in a couple weeks, catching Gerard’s attention.

“With the students’ help, we have the DJ booked, and decorations and refreshments planned, but what we really need are a couple more chaperones.”

“I’ll do it,” Gerard spoke up, causing both Ray and Frank to look at him like he grew two heads. But he didn’t notice as he was trying to see if (YN) had heard. To his relief she was looking over with a smile on her face.

“Oh, great! Thank you Gerard,” the history teacher replied.

“Are you seriously going to chaperone a dance?” Ray asked as they walked down the hall after the meeting was over.

“Yea, well O’Connor was on me to help out around here more,” Gerard shrugged.

“And it has nothing to do with the new English teacher? What’s her name again?” Frank chided.

“(YN) and I don’t even know if she’s gonna be there,” Gerard countered.

“I bet she will be, she’s always volunteering to help out. She seems really nice.” Ray nodded before heading off to the music wing.

“Lucky you then,” Frank flashed a wicked grin at Gerard before heading up the stairs to his classroom. Gerard just shook his head and made his way to his own classroom for the start of the day.

(YN) walked into the gym as the DJ was finishing setting up his equipment. The lights in the gym had been turned off and the room was illuminated by strand after strand of fairy lights, like stars in the night sky.

"Hey," she heard someone say behind her. She turned to find Gerard, dressed especially nicely for the event in a well fitting suit.

"Hey, you look nice!" She greeted him with a smile.

"You too," he replied. He seemed a little in awe and she was glad the lights were dim, as she knew she was blushing.

"So what do we need to do?" Gerard asked after a moment of silence hung between them.

"Haven't you chaperoned a dance before?" She asked. Gerard shook his head in reply. "Well, if it's anything like my old school, when the students start arriving, we just make sure they don't spike the punch, or get in any fights, or dance too inappropriately."

"Oh, yea, that makes sense," he nodded, feeling slightly foolish for even having asked.

Soon the DJ started playing and students began trickling in. They mostly stuck to the walls, huddled together, glancing across the room at other groups doing the same. But then as more and more kids started to arrive, the dance floor began to fill up and the night got into full swing. (YN) and Gerard watched the crowd from the edges along with the other faculty that volunteered to be there and thankfully everyone seemed to be on good behavior, making their jobs easy.

After many fast songs, the DJ finally switched to a slow ballad. (YN) watched fondly as the students paired off. It reminded her of the dances she went to when she was in high school and all the good memories that she had there. That was part of the reason why she wanted to become a teacher; because even though those years can be difficult, she knew they could also be so important and rewarding.

"Do you wanna dance?" Gerard asked, pulling (YN) out of her thoughts.

"Oh, sure," she nodded.

He placed one hand on her waist and took her hand in the other. She placed her free hand on his arm and looked up at him as they started to sway to the music. Her heart was pounding and she was glad they were keeping a safe distance apart so he wouldn't notice it.

(YN) really liked being around Gerard, she was glad he had found his way to her classroom and started helping with her club. He was so easy to talk to, and she looked forward to running into him every day whether in the hallways or up on the roof. But now under the twinkling lights, it was like she was finally hearing her heart for the first time. She didn’t just like Gerard as a friend, she realized she had a full blown crush on him. She looked up at him and he smiled down at her fondly causing her cheeks to burn red again.

It was far too soon when the song ended, but they lingered hand in hand, searching each other's eyes for some kind of sign. Suddenly there was a shriek across the gym and they both looked over to see two boys shoving each other.

“Sorry,” Gerard said before hurrying across the gym to help break up the scuffle.

(YN) sighed. She had to remember that dating a coworker could be totally against the rules, she never had reason to check the employee handbook to find out. And if things went wrong she’d still have to see him every day. She knew she’d be better off just pushing her feelings aside, but that didn’t change the fact that they were there.

“Hey Ms. (YLN)?”

“Yes Sadie?” (YN) addressed her student as the others filed out of the room after the first class back from winter break.

Sadie glanced over her shoulder to make sure they were alone. “Are you and Mr. Way dating?"

(YN)'s eyes went wide. "No! Why would you think that?"

"I dunno, I was thinking about it over break and it just seems like there’s something between you two at the writing club meetings and you'd be like super cute together! I bet you're dating by the end of the year, if not married, before I graduate!"

"Sadie, you can't ship your teachers, it's not appropriate."

"You know about shipping?"

"The internet was around 10 years ago when I was your age ya know," (YN) replied snidely.

"Well, you should at least consider it because it'd be really cute," she grinned before turning and hurrying out of the room.

(YN) sat back in her chair and let out a sigh. She had considered it, she considered it almost every day since the dance, and she couldn't help but wonder if he had too. She opened her desk drawer and started digging. Finally she found the binder she was looking for and turned to the index. Not finding the topic of interest she started flipping through, skimming page after page, excitement and nerves growing. Finally she reached the end and then went back through again. After a third check she shut the binder with a grin.

"Any plans for the night?" Gerard asked as they walked out of the building that evening. After the last class of the day he had come to her classroom to talk about the latest comics he had lent her.

"No, but umm, do you maybe wanna go get dinner?" (YN) asked, her eyes hopeful.

A grin spread across Gerard's face. "Yea, that would be great."

"There's a deli a couple blocks over I really like," she suggested.

"Let's go," he smiled, shifting his bag up his shoulder and adjusting his scarf against the cold January wind.

"I guess I never asked, but do you live close?" (YN) asked.

"I live in Jersey with my little brother Mikey," Gerard explained.

"Oh, doesn't the commute get long?"

"It's not bad. Gives me time to listen to music and read, whatever," he shrugged. “Are you nearby?”

"Yea, I live with a roommate a few blocks up."

“Are you from the city originally?” Gerard asked

“No, I moved here after college, you?”

“Again, Jersey,” Gerard chuckled.

They continued chatting until they arrived at the diner. (YN) was relieved that their evening was going as well as she hoped it would. Maybe Gerard just liked her as a friend, but that didn’t change the fact that she was having fun spending time with him. After their meal was finished, they walked back into the cold night air, but neither made a move to leave.

“I really enjoyed hanging out with you outside of work,” Gerard said.

“Same,” (YN) nodded.

“We should go on another date sometime soon,” he replied almost a little nervously.

(YN) smiled broadly. “Yea, that would be cool,” she agreed, trying not to sound too over eager. They exchanged a lingering hug before they both headed off toward their homes.

The next morning (YN) walked into her classroom and noticed that something had been left on her desk. The night before she and Gerard had discussed their favorite coffee shops and their regular coffee orders, and on her desk was a coffee, fixed just like she liked, a fresh stack of comics and a note that read ‘Thanks for the wonderful dinner last night, can’t wait to return the favor. xo G’ She felt herself blush and stifled a squeal of delight, but quickly recomposed herself as the students began to file in for the first hour of the day.

(YN) and Gerard had been on a few dates, mostly just grabbing coffee or dinner after work, but finally they were on what felt more like a real date than any of the others. They had met up on a Saturday afternoon to grab lunch and then they were browsing (YN)’s favorite bookstore.

“I feel like as an English teacher everyone expects that my favorite book should be some kind of classic novel, or Shakespeare, or something, but honestly I just really like a clever mystery,” (YN) explained as they walked through the rows and rows of books.

“Really? What’s your favorite?”

(YN)’s eyes scanned the shelves. “Here it is,” she said, pulling out a book. “It’s a mystery series based around a witch museum in England. It’s written from the point of view of the protagonist and it’s so funny and smart.”

“It sounds good, I’ll have to get it,” Gerard smiled, taking the book from her hands.

“You don’t have to do that, you can borrow my copy, I have the whole series,” she smiled, placing her hand on his and looking up at him with a smile. "I'd really like to have someone to talk about it with."

"I could listen to you talk forever," Gerard replied, the words tumbling out of his mouth and (YN) couldn't mask the surprise on her face. "I really like you (YN),” he confessed after a moment.

"I really like you too Gerard," she replied, barely above a whisper. As if in slow motion, they found themselves leaning in, their lips so close, but not touching as she glanced up at him for one more second before closing her eyes and his lips pressed against hers.

Just like when they danced, her heart felt like it could burst out of her chest. For a moment she wondered if he could feel it, but as his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to him, she didn't care. All that mattered was this moment with Gerard that she'd been thinking about for what felt like ages, in her favorite bookstore, in front of her favorite book no less. (YN) was certain it really couldn't get any better than this.

(YN) and Gerard’s relationship continued to get better and better through the cold winter months. Gerard delighted in finding any excuse he could to drop off little notes or gifts for (YN) to find in her desk during the day, like on Valentine’s Day he even left a rose with a cute little drawing of the two of them together for her to find.

"Me, Ray and Frank were gonna go check out this band tonight, do you wanna come too?" Gerard asked during their lunch hour a few weeks later.

"I don't wanna intrude," she objected.

"No, I want you to come along. I wanna finally let them know that we're," he trailed off as he reached over and took her hand.

"Going out?" She filled in.

"Yea, because I want the world to know you're my girl," he said with a blushing smile.

"Well in that case, sure, I'd love to go along," she smiled. "And for what it's worth, I couldn't be happier to be your girl,” she said leaning over and placing a kiss on his cheek.

That evening (YN) walked into the small venue and spotted her three coworkers at a table in the corner. "Hey guys," she greeted taking the open chair next to Gerard.

"Hey, how's it going?" Ray smiled.

"Good, what a long week though," she sighed. "I dunno if midterms are harder on us or the students."

Frank hummed in agreement as he took a swig of his beer. "I hear ya."

The group settled into a comfortable conversation until the first band took the stage. (YN) found herself having a lot of fun and not like the odd one out as she previously worried she would be. The guys all had encyclopedic knowledge of music, and it was fascinating to listen to them talk.

“I still wanna start a band, I haven’t been in one for ages,” Frank announced.

“Who is gonna wanna see a bunch of teachers play music?” Ray countered.

“Wasn’t Sting a teacher? And Gene Simmons at one point?” (YN) offered.

“That’s true,” Frank nodded.

“Well if you need a singer,” Gerard shrugged.

“Wait, you can sing too?” (YN) asked, eyebrows raised. What she didn’t notice was the look being exchanged by Ray and Frank.

When the main act took the stage, Gerard slid his chair closer to (YN)’s, and put his arm around her shoulders. (YN) settled in, resting against him forgetting that the others were unaware of their relationship.

“Oh, so this really is a thing?” Frank said looking between the two after the first song was over.

“Has been for a while,” Gerard replied with a sly smile.

“I should have known,” Ray laughed. “I could tell something was up, I just couldn’t tell what.”

“Yea, I'm happier than I have been in a long time," Gerard replied, pressing a kiss to the side of (YN)'s head and she smiled contentedly.

"So if the art room’s a rockin, don't come a knockin?" Frank winked and Ray groaned.

"Come on man," Gerard sighed, feeling his cheeks burning red.

(YN) rolled her eyes. "See this is why we didn't say anything."

"I'm kidding!" Frank laughed. "You guys are really good together. I was wondering how long it would take you to realize it."

Despite their friends knowing about their relationship, Gerard and (YN) were still keeping things as platonic as possible while at work. Luckily they had been hanging out so much before they started dating, appearances didn’t change much when they ate lunch in one of their classrooms, or met up for coffee before work and walked in together.

One morning (YN) overslept, having stayed up late reading the latest collection of comics Gerard had lent her. As she rushed through her room getting ready, she grabbed the first black cardigan she found draped over the back of her desk chair and threw it on, before hurrying off to work. The day passed uneventfully until she noticed a familiar student lingering after class.

“Hi Sadie, what’s up?” She asked pleasantly.

“Ms. (YLN), is that Mr. Way’s sweater?” Sadie asked.

(YN) tried to keep calm, but her mind was spinning. She had realized by her second class of the day that she had grabbed Gerard’s sweater that he had left at her apartment, but she didn’t think for a second anyone would realize it. “What? Why would you think that?”

“The paint stain on the elbow. I bumped into him with my palette in class one day and he got paint on his elbow. It looks just like the stain on your elbow.”

“Must just be a funny coincidence. I like to paint too, I must have stuck my elbow in my paint and didn’t notice,” (YN) shrugged.

Sadie nodded her head, but (YN) knew by the look on her face that she didn’t believe her at all. “Ok. Well, then that's another thing you two have in common.”

“Shouldn’t you be going to your next class?” (YN) asked with a tight lipped smile and Sadie accepted that she wouldn’t be getting the answer she was seeking that day and left the room.

“So where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise,” Gerard replied with a smile and glanced over at (YN) in the passenger seat.

Friday had become their regular date night, and that evening they went out to Jersey, got in Gerard's car and started driving away from the city. (YN) laughed lightly and shook her head as she watched the trees fly by. The spring evening cooled sun as the sun began to lower in the sky, and Gerard pulled into the entrance of a county park tucked out in the country.

“I like to come out here when I want to get away from the noise and crowds of the city for a while,” Gerard said as he pulled into the parking lot that bordered a small lake.

They got out and Gerard grabbed a bag from the backseat, pulling out a blanket. Gerard led the way to a bench at the edge of the sandy beach and wrapped them both in the blanket as the sky glowed golden above them.

“This sunset reminds me of that day,” (YN) started.

“When I stayed late and ran into you,” Gerard finished.

“Yes!” (YN) laughed.

“Can I tell you something?” Gerard asked, almost a little sheepishly.

“Hmm?”

“I thought you were cute from the first time I saw you, but I think I started to have a crush on you that day.”

“That’s adorable,” (YN) grinned. “I think I realized I had a crush on you while we were chaperoning that dance.”

“I only volunteered to do it because I thought you would be there,” Gerard replied.

“I thought you said O’Connor was on your case?” She said elbowing him playfully.

“Well that too, but I’d rather impress you than him.”

(YN) just hummed in agreement and put her head on his shoulder. “Wait, is it gonna get dark enough out here to see stars?”

“Yea, that’s why I wanted to come out here with you.”

“Aww, thanks Gee,” she replied snuggling closer to him as he drew the blankets around them even tighter. They watched the stars start to appear overhead as the sky grew dark. There had been so many quiet moments when Gerard and (YN) spent time together, but this felt extra special as they were so very alone, away from the whole world.

Once the cold air couldn’t be fought off by the blanket, they made their way back to the car and drove back toward the city. Gerard wished he wasn’t driving so he could watch her. That’s what he had done for most of their time in the park, watching her watch the stars above with a look of awe and wonderment and he was certain he hadn’t felt this way for someone before. (YN) glanced over at Gerard and smiled. He reached over and took her hand and placed a kiss on the back of it.

(YN) yawned when they arrived back at Gerard’s house and got out of the car. “Thank you for the lovely evening.”

“Do you wanna stay over?” Gerard asked. It wouldn’t be the first time, but the simplicity of the evening felt special and he didn’t want it to end.

“Yea, I’d love to,” she nodded as he took her hand and they headed inside together.

"Aren't you gonna be late for school?"

The words split through Gerard's slumber and he sat bolt upright, (YN), already sitting up, had a look of confusion and shock that must have matched his.

"What time is it?" She gasped.

Gerard grabbed his phone off the coffee table. He didn’t even remember falling asleep on the couch the night before. "8:04, oh my god we’re late!"

"Why didn't my alarms go off?!" (YN) asked in a panic, grabbing her own phone to see what was wrong. "Oh my god, that’s right it's Saturday," she replied, sinking back on the couch, putting her head in her hands with a weary laugh.

"Mikey! That wasn't funny!" Gerard shouted at his brother who had retreated back to his room with a bowl of cereal.

(YN) laughed. "It was a little funny."

Gerard laughed lightly and ran his hand through his black hair. "Yea I guess,” he said as he looked up at (YN), the sunlight through the curtains illuminating her face. He noticed the makeup from the night before was smudged a little bit around her eyes, and her hair was messy from sleep, but to Gerard she looked like the most perfect thing he’d ever seen. He recognized the same feelings from the night before and it dawned on him. "Hey (YN)?"

"Yea?" She asked looking up at him, eyebrows raised.

"I love you.”

(YN)’s expression softened at the words. “I wanna say something clever, but I can’t think of anything better than I love you too, Gerard.”

Gerard sat up and grabbed her face between his hands and kissed her as deeply as he could. When they pulled back, breathless, Gerard rested his forehead against hers as they both smiled at each other lovingly.

“Are you guys just gonna makeout on the couch all day?” Mikey asked.

“If it will bug you, then yes,” Gerard retorted. Mikey huffed in annoyance on his way to the kitchen.

“Just like that your first year at Our Lady of Sorrows Academy is over,” Gerard smiled from where he was leaning against the door frame of (YN)’s classroom.

“And what a year it was,” (YN) replied, placing the last of her things that she was taking home in her bag. "It's going to be weird going from seeing you almost every day to not,” she pouted.

"You make it sound like it's a Jane Austen novel and we'll only be able to communicate by letter," Gerard laughed as he pushed himself off the door frame and walked over to her.

"Would you write to me from all the way in New Jersey?" She giggled.

"I'll write you a love letter every day," he said wrapping his arms around her. "Even days when we're together. I'll hide them for you to find later."

(YN) grinned and buried her face against his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him as well. "You're too cute," she mumbled before looking up at him. Gerard smiled back before leaning in and kissing her.

"I knew it!"

Gerard and (YN) jumped apart and turned to see Sadie in the doorway.

"What are you still doing here?" (YN) asked frantically.

"I remembered a book I had in my backpack that I needed to return to the library. But I knew it! I told you back in January that you'd be dating before I graduated! Now you just need to get married before I graduate, I can't wait for that!" Sadie was practically dancing with excitement.

"Have a good summer Sadie," Gerard said with a wave, encouraging her to leave.

"See you next year!" She called as she skipped off down the hall.

"Please do not give her the satisfaction of asking me to marry you before she graduates," (YN) groaned, rubbing her forehead.

"Well there goes my plans for the next year’s first day assembly," Gerard sighed and (YN) rolled her eyes. "I'm kidding, but just tell me when you're ready, sugar."

(YN) grinned and leaned up to kiss Gerard again. "For now, let's just get going to Frank's party cookout. We don't wanna be late."

Gerard smiled and nodded as they walked out of the school hand in hand.

#gerard way x reader #gerard way fanfic #gerard way fan fiction #gerard way imagine #my chemical romance fan fiction #my chemical romance fanfic #my chemical romance imagine

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always-anxious612 · 4 years ago

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Magic in the Air: Chapter 1

Description: In a world where magic exists everywhere and most people have it in one way or another, six friends are left without it. Still, they can’t help but dream for the chance to cast spells and charms on their own. Too bad dreams like that don’t come true...do they?

Parings: eventual roceit, eventual analogical, eventual intruality, platonic DRLAMP

Warnings: food mention (please let me know if I missed any or if you want something tagged)

Word Count: 1,608

Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9

Magic. It used to be something only in fairytales. Just a fantasy thought up by a storyteller. A dream for the dreamers, an inspiration for the writers, a muse for the artists. But now, magic was everywhere. No one really remembered how it was discovered, or who it was who first started normalizing its use in everyday life, but it had been around long enough for it to be incorporated into everything. The very roots of the trees held it, cultivated by decades of growth and nutrition spells. Magic had invaded every nook of modern society, nestling itself in as if magic had always been there. And maybe it had.

Most everyone enjoyed being able to benefit from pre-made cleaning charms and special-made foods and drinks with different helpful spells (to give you energy, warmth, a sense of peace, etc). Very few held no magic at all; whether their skills lay in charms, spells, or potions, most everyone had some sort of magic ability.

Among the few who had no magic were six high-school friends, now college housemates: Logan Crofters, Patton Hart, Virgil Storm, Dee Black, and the twins Roman and Remus Prince. They had, of course, given up on the hope of developing magic abilities a long time ago. Everyone knew that if you didn’t develop magic as a child, it was basically impossible to learn it later on. But, naturally, the six couldn’t help but dream about a day when they’d be able to perform spells and charms; maybe even gain a “special skill” that didn’t need a spell to work, unique to their personalities. Too bad dreams like that don’t come true…

Roman Prince sighed happily as he made his way home from class, a cup of hot coffee in his hand. He was glad that he had remembered to add the heating charm to his order this time (keeping his coffee hot hours longer than it normally would); otherwise, he’d have had to throw it away by now. At the thought he sighed once again, this time more in longing than in happiness. Here he was, living in a modern-day fairy-tale, and he couldn’t even perform magic! It didn’t matter that none of his five housemates could either, or that he got along just fine without doing magic; he still wished for something more. Just think of the possibilities; what if he could cast heating spells and cleaning charms himself? As he neared the front door of his house, however, he shook himself from these thoughts. There was no time to dwell on what couldn’t be changed. At least not right now. Right now, Roman had a project to work on.

For weeks now, Roman had been working on designing the perfect prop for a special contest they were holding at his university. Basically, it was to promote the upcoming play (and get non-theatre students more interested in coming to watch it). Everyone who entered was told to design the same prop and was given a picture of what it should approximately look like (an intricate looking book that Roman knew was a key part of the play since he was in it). The best-designed prop would be featured and used in the play, and Roman was almost done!

Naturally, such a contest was perfect for him. You see, Roman hadn’t gotten much of a chance to show off his art skills recently, since he devoted most of his time to his actual major…acting. But he did have them—art skills that is. At least, he’d like to think he had art skills. Waving a short hello to Dee, Logan, and Patton, who were all in the kitchen, he headed up to his room and got to work.

“Roman? Supper’s ready, kiddo.” A voice (most definitely Patton’s) called from the other side of Roman’s closed door a couple hours later. However, Roman only muttered out a short response, too engrossed in his work to realize he was speaking too quietly for Patton to hear. He felt a certain passion as he worked, putting special attention into even the tiniest details, too focused to notice time slipping away. Even if he didn’t win, it felt so good to create something again. He had almost forgotten how much fun it was to craft props; to see something he worked so hard to create finally start to look like the picture in his head. He felt a weird, fuzzy feeling start to grow in his chest as he continued. However, too engrossed to acknowledge the growing feeling, he continued with his project until another knock rang throughout his room.

“Hey, bro bro! Patton sent me to get you. Your food is getting cold!” Remus yelled from the other side. Roman sighed, feeling the pleasant warm feeling fade as he attempted to ignore his brother.

“Ro, if you don’t come out, I’ll tell Dee Dee your little secret~” Remus sang, finally making Roman groan and stand.

“Don’t you dare.” He grumbled, swinging open his door.

“What’s that? You dare me?” Remus smirked, backing away slowly. Roman narrowed his eyes at the other.

“Remus…” he warned glaring. Remus stuck out his tongue out at Roman before turning and barreling back down the hall. Already expecting it, Roman was hot on his heels as they careened into the kitchen, startling the four others at the dining table.

“Dee-”, Remus yelled, just before Roman clamped a hand over his mouth.

“Um, you guys good?” Virgil spoke up, raising an eyebrow at the brothers.

“Absolutely fi—Remus, gross!” Roman exclaimed, cutting himself off when he felt a warm slimy thing touch his hand. Remus stuck his tongue out at his brother, before slinking off to take his seat between Virgil and Logan. Roman eyed his brother warily as he wiped his saliva-covered hand on his jeans, taking his own place between Virgil and Dee. Diligently ignoring Dee’s questioning gaze, Roman instead cleared his throat and addressed the table.

“Um, sorry to keep everyone waiting.” he apologized, watching Patton heat up everyone’s food. “I got caught up in my work.”

“It’s no problem, kiddo. Just make sure you’re taking breaks!” Patton replied in his normal cheery manner as he set everyone’s dinner in front of them. As soon as the plate was set down, Roman started to gulp down his food as fast as he could.

“Whoa, kiddo, slow down. We have movie night tonight, so there’s no rush.” Patton reminded him, furrowing his eyebrows. Roman managed to swallow his half-chewed mouthful before sighing. It’s not that he didn’t want to spend “family time” (as Patton had dubbed the time all 6 spent together after getting home). After all, that meant more time Dee. Er, not that Roman cared about that. Or, well, not to say he didn’t enjoy spending time with the others, just not with Dee specifically. Well, yes, with Dee, but just as much as he enjoyed spending time with anybody else… Um, anygay, he was just so close to finishing his project!

“I’m sorry, Padre, but I’ll have to pass on movie night. I’m almost done with my prop!” Patton frowned in disappointment, making a touch of guilt rise in Roman’s gut. He had ranted about this project enough for the rest of the household to know that the prop wasn’t actually due for another two days. Technically, he would have time to finish it later, but he was feeling inspired now. He couldn’t very well put inspiration on hold.

“Roman.” A silky voice spoke up next to him. Roman turned to find Dee gazing at him, tilting his head in the most adorable way he had ever seen. Wait no, not adorable. He certainly didn’t think Dee was adorable and of course he didn’t have crush on the sneaky little—

“Ro,” Dee purred again, a suspicious smile tugging at his lips. “Why don’t you tell us about your prop? I’m sure we’d all love to hear about it.”

“You—really?” Roman asked, lighting up. Dee nodded somewhat fondly after shooting a glare at Virgil, who tried to suppress a groan. Vaguely, Roman wondered if this was just a trick to get Roman to talk long enough to forget he had been working and come to movie night… this method of Dee’s may or may not have worked a few times before. But when Dee gave him an encouraging (although somehow still sneaky-looking) smile, Roman melted, launching into how his work had been going so far.

As he continued, he grew more and more passionate, remembering how much hard work he’d put into the prop so far. He spoke of how he meticulously planned the book’s shape and color scheme before sketching it multiple times; about constructing the base, about painting it, about the details he was still working on adding. As his passion grew, so did the warm fuzzy feeling that had dwindled to almost nothing during dinner. It grew so intense that not even waving his hands around, like he normally did when he was excited, dispelled the energy. Instead, he got up, beginning to pacing as he talked, still adamantly using his hands. As he did this, the pressure finally eased slightly, not quite fading, but instead becoming a steady constant.

In fact, Roman was so busy pacing, so focused on his passionate rant and the fuzzy feeling it brought, that he didn’t notice the others frantically calling his name until Logan grabbed his arm rather forcefully. Roman was about to protest at the tight grip (“Geez, Lo, overboard much?”) when he realized what everyone was yelling about. All around him, everything was… floating.

Taglist: @catolicabuena

#food mention #roceit #analogical #intruality #platonic drlamp #ts logan #ts patton #ts deceit #ts remus #ts roman #ts virgil #sanders sides #ts human au #ts magic au #sanders sides fics #my fics #cait writes

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yossariandawn · 4 years ago

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Tagged by @astarkey and @alwaysupatnight , thank you! I do love interesting questions! I’m combining these because it would take me days to think up 22 questions. Here are the rules:

Rule 1: post the rules Rule 2: answer the questions the person who tagged you asked and write 11 new ones Rule 3: tag 11 people and link them to the post Rule 4: actually tell them you tagged them

Edit: I didn’t realize how long this got, so I’m fixing it so I can put some of it behind a cut. My questions first so people can decide if they want to play along!

My Questions:

1. Set two fictional couples you love on a double date, and tell me how would that play out? One word answers are acceptable if you prefer.

2. Do you like candles? If so, what’s your favorite candle scent?

3. What’s the perfect fic you’ve been craving that wish someone else would write already?

4. If you could have an 15 minute conversation with any fictional character, who would you choose?

5. Above question continued, what would you talk about?

6. What’s one weird thing you loved as a child?

7. Any songs that make you always think of a character?

8. How well can you swim, and do you enjoy swimming?

9. Recommend me a new show, movie, or song!

10. What’s your favorite food that you make?

11. Draft the perfect Zombie Apocalypse Survival Team, 5 characters from any show or movie.

and now I’m tagging @sandalaris, @fortysevenswrites, @starkidmack, @captain-k-jones, and if you follow me and want to be tagged in this kind of thing in the future, just tag yourself and I’ll know to send them your way! I never know who wants to play, and there’s never any pressure to do any I send, I promise! 💖

EDIT: adding @alwaysupatnight YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY TAGGED

and now for my answers behind the cut:

@astarkey’s questions:

1. Favorite fall activity? Anything outside, to be honest. It’s my favorite time of year! I do love reading in my hammock with a blanket before it gets too cold, though I’m not sure that counts as an activity.

2. Favorite song at the moment? Well, the one I’m most obsessing on is one I’m vidding right now, so I’m keeping that a secret. BUT, I’ve been listening to Setting Sun by Lord Huron a lot recently ever since @alwaysupatnight mentioned it in an ask about Culebra Seth. I hadn’t heard it before and I fell right in love with it.

3. Last movie you saw in theaters? Oh, it has been awhile since I actually went to a theater. I wanna say it was the first IT movie, cause I remember taking my brothers to see that. If I went after that I guess it didn’t leave an impression on me.

4. Favorite emoji/smiley? I really like 🥳 cause look how excited it is! Close second is 😎 because it makes me think of the Geckos when I use it.

5. Cold weather or hot weather? Cold weather, as stated above!

6. Are you a past, present, or future person? Hmm, I’m going to say present. I am a bit of a worrier by nature, so I intentionally try and keep myself grounded by staying in the moment as much as possible, so I’m not obsessing over what I did or about what could happen next. I’m reasonably successful with it.

7. From where you’re sitting, what’s the closest object on your right? Water bottle.

8. What’s something you’re weirdly afraid of? (For example, a hair dryer, airplanes, a microwave, etc.) Ok, so this going to sound very weird, but it’s grasshoppers. don’t mind spiders, hornets, bees, any of the normal creepy crawlies, they don’t bother me at all, but I have such an intense irrational reaction to grasshoppers, like a real fight or flight thing kicks in for me. I understand they can’t hurt me, but I don’t trust those little sideways hoppers AT ALL. Also, I used to spend a lot time catching (and releasing) bugs when I was a small child, and one day one BIT ME, which I didn’t know they can do, and the betrayal was so great that I have never forgiven them. And then if you want to see something that’s even more untrustworthy, google the spider cricket sometime. I don’t see as many of those, but my friend had some living underneath her porch one year, and they are terrible. (also harmless)

9. Favorite snack food? Soft pretzels with cheese are always a good time. And now I want one, dang it.

10. Favorite color to wear? Blue! I love blue so much.

11. Stargazing in an open field, watching the ocean tides on a lonely beach, or late night drives on the highway while listening to good music? I’m going to pick stargazing in an open field, because that sounds the most relaxing to me at the moment! But the other two also sound lovely.

@alwaysupatnight‘s asks:

1. Have you started any new hobbies this year? Vidding. if I’m allowed to stretch the definition of a year about 1 month past haha. I’ve also done a ton more “creative" writing since joining tumblr, all these asks and tag games are the most I’ve ever organized my thoughts and put them out there for others to actually see (excluding non voluntary things like schoolwork and work) It’s been a lot of fun to do both, and really allowed me to push myself out of my comfort zone.

2. Read any good books lately? Not recently, I have several checked out I need to get to soon before I have to return them.

3. Favorite color of nail polish to wear? Or if you don’t wear nail polish, the color of the laces on your fave pair of sneakers? I don’t wear nail polish most of the time, though I will let children paint my nails when they want, since they seem to love doing that. And my favorite sneaker laces are just the standard white they came with. I’m pretty causal and laid back fashion wise.

4. Faerie, mermaid, angel, or vampire? This is so broad! Am I reading/watching something they’re in, fighting them, auditioning them as room mates?! I’m going to go with Vampire (Mermaid as a second choice)

5. What is your MBTI type? INFJ

6. What does your phone case look like? (Describe or post a pic) It’s black, no design. I’m so boring an practical!!!! I picked it out based on reviews, I drop my phone way to much.

7. What is your dream vacation? Camping, with people I like. Maybe a road trip out west.

8. Would you tell us a little about your current WIP? (writing, art, gifset, whatever the project!!) Working on a new vid, I’d let myself get stuck finishing one up, and realized maybe I needed a break from that one. It’s a SethKate one I’ve wanted to do ever since I heard the song, and I’m just going to do it. It’s not AU? That’s all the spoilers for now.

9. What is the best movie you’ve seen this year? I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, BUT YES. Prospect was amazing, and does when that title! Runners up would be Priest, Crawl (I love disaster movies so much) and Knives Out.

10. What are your opinions on the child from The Mandalorian series? Really cute! I have only seen like 3 episodes, but I have seen all the gifs, (especially today 🤣) and look at the tiny adorable space baby with powers 🥰

11. What is your zodiac sign, and do you think it fits your personality? I am an Aquarius, I have no idea honestly. Maybe? Is there an official description I can read somewhere?

#tag games #replies #personal

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itsthe-neo-zone · 4 years ago

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Wands and Potions - NCTdream & WayV

Please read the Masterlist before continuing ahead with the chapter.

Warnings: read the warnings in the masterlist linked above, song recommendations can be found there too.

A/N: Thank you to those who appreciate and support this piece of work! You know who you are, and thank you to my wonderful followers and taglist! you make this possible.

Chapter 16:

“I wanted to ask you about something.” Selene whispered; she didn’t have to be loud; she was sitting on the edge of a log in the clearing near the edge of a small island on the black lake.

“Fire away,” Yangyang was behind her, plaiting her soft locks, the feeling of the gold-like shimmer beneath his hands calmed him slightly. He was about to reveal his thoughts and deepest desires to her.

“Is it true, the whole dark arts thing.” She breathed out Yangyang could feel how she visibly tensed beneath his gaze. He looked down at her shoulders, the way they curved in slightly. She felt vulnerable around him. “You’re taught the dark arts?”

The exasperated sigh she heard from him was worrying her and his silence increased the level of anxiety in her tenfold. She felt his slender fingers let go of the strands of hair she let cascade down.

She had ever gone this far away from castle alone. “Yes,” he murmured; he took his steps to come stand before her. “I’ve done things… that are regrettable, but I’d never try to harm anyone.” Crouching to be at eye level he looked into her eyes with full sincerity.

“It’s alright.” she crooked her head to the side breathing out, the stray strands of her hair fell down past her eyes “You’re not scared?” he asked puzzled, his eyes wavered slightly looking anywhere but her.

“No,” pulling up all her courage she smiled at him, assuring the slender figure before her. “I’m not.”

“Even if I tell you I know of the unforgiveable curses.” He was a little sceptical in mentioning them.

“Even if you tell me about those.” Selene didn’t hesitate she answered immediately letting him know she trusted him, it scared her a little, but she believed he was good inside. He never judged her for being a half-blood and although it was difficult for him, he maintained their friendship.

“So, why did you bring me here?” Selene looks around. She knew of her whereabouts, but she was confused, why specifically here?

The two continued walking along the path into the woodland sitting on the island, the neighbouring patch of land had the grave of the preceding headmaster of Hogwarts. They began talking, Yangyang explaining what he believed and where his affiliations lied.

“Gellert Grindelwald was right. He had a plan to keep us away from hiding. All wizard kind. Durmstrang students look up to him, we recognised him as our leader.” Yangyang glanced around, they wandered off into the main coppice, letting themselves get caught in the magnificence of the nature.

“Do you think like him, do you believe that wizard kind deserve to rule, that it’s your birthright?” Selene was wondering, she wanted to understand what he believed to be his right. She wanted to get her thoughts around his ideals and beliefs.

“I do.” He walked up to a certain tree gathering from its leaking sap. “Tree sap must be quite rare where you come from.” she comically pondered, Yangyang grinned turning to face her “Just a hobby.”

“So, you think there are powerful wizarding families that would be willing to continue Grindelwald’s noble work?”

“Definitely, I’m surprised your family isn’t in on it too.” Selene chuckle; she thought of her obsessive blood supremacist mother and her family.

“Don’t be, I’m sure they’re a part of it, my family is intense when it comes to this kind of ordeals.”

[01:36PM]

Selene had been spending the rest of the free afternoon she had in the empty potions room. Professor Giverlein left the empty room letting her know there were no more potions classes that day leaving her with everything she could ever need.

“There’s no way I’m going to get this?” Selene whined thrusting her digits past the sides of her head rubbing her sore scalp. She was beyond stressed.

Sleepless nights, Chenle and his problems on one side. Rose and Albus with their family stress on the other; her own family ordeals tugging at her, the prophecy the portrait spoke about, the lestrange manor invitation, Yangyang and his affiliations to the return of the Ancient Sacred 28 and then Scorpius and his solemn depression. Selene was trying to solve too many problems at once.

She felt as if it was all coming back, as if the matters were taking her physical body and heath as tribute she was going to regurgitate. Holding it in, she lifted the elixir the potion she had been working on secretly aside her schoolwork.

The bitter after taste was awful but she withstood it for the benefits the potion would give her. This was old magic; you’d give something up for the taking of another. In this case it was her blood.

Selene hid the bubbling liquid in the cauldron, she lifted the rusty metal towards her shelf setting a lid on top and pushing it inwards quickly to sheath the brewing of the elixir. She took her seat back at the edge of the table.

Selene was reminded of the tournament happening from the exaggerated shouts and yells from the harbouring window. The voices came from students a year or two older, closer to Yangyang’s age. Selene sat there dazed for a moment. It was getting closer to the winter break, meaning the deadline for the potion project was creeping nearer.

Playing with the leaves of the daisy root; Selene remembered what she had gone through to get the foliage. She recalled what Chenle did for her. He saved her from the hell she was going through, twice. That should prove that he cares.

But why do I still hate him for his harsh words and cold demeanour?

[06:17PM]

[Selene Pov]

“I got your message. What is it?” I rushed to the library. Moving past tables I saw a crouched lyra she was shaking, and I mean shaking. Almost vibrating.

“What on earth happened. And why did you send that idiot Irene to tell-” I stopped my whining because I realised this was real, she was in tears and it looked like anymore and she’d lose it all. I lifted her up swinging the robes she had on the floor over her shoulder blades.

Olivia comes rushing into the library, I could hear the frantic panic in her voice as she desperately wanders about the immense hall of the library.

“Oh thank heavens you’re here!” I speak agitatedly my voice breaking, “Olivia what’s happening to her.”

“He found out!” Olivia crouched she grabbed the girls palm, “Hopefully this works.” She pulled an elixir out of the robes pocket taking a couple drops and setting them on the girls wrist.

“Who found out?” I was panicking, I should be keeping my calm but the view before my own two eyes was scaring me.

“Se-Selene, he saw, it- I didn’t. he saw E-everything.” I hushed her, “It’s alright, I understand. We’ll solve this.”

It looked like Olivia understood what lyra was blabbering about, the rush in her hands and movements forced me to lift the dropped unknown potion and take care of the small container and its excess drops.

“I’ll explain later but you have to get Scorpius right now. Do whatever you need to do he must come here right now.” I nod already running off I pushed past the main library doors not caring or even asking questions on my Scorpius had to be there.

I was running even faster than I had when I heard Scorpius’ voice in my head, using every force I had in the rest of my body I managed to clear the thoughts for a couple more seconds sending a energy fuelled message to the blond slytherin boy.

“Where are you going?” Jade yelled after my speeding self, she watched me turn towards the dungeons of the castle, following she tried to catch up but as a speeding bolt, the only thing she caught was my maroon hair trailing off behind me.

I reached the entrance of the Slytherin common room. It was guarded by two gargoyle statures and a password. Never being down here before; I panicked. Lyra didn’t look like she had much time before she was out.

Catching sight of the one person I didn’t want to be around, I groaned. Why him, why Chenle of all freaking people? It just had to work that way, turning around to face him I forcibly pushed down any form of resentment and dignity I had.

“Where is Scorpius?”

“Look what the snake swallowed? It’s Selene Adams, have you come to apologise?” Jisung who was next to the blond spat smirking, the smug grin on his face annoying me more than it should.

“I’m not here to apologise to anyone.” I glared back at him; his words made me feel like shit. “Where’s Scorpius, Chenle?” I repeated my question my body language visibly showing I was under a time limit.

“Tell me?”

“Selene they’re not going to help.” The familiar echo from behind me voiced down the damp and dreary corridor. “Jade please help me, lyra has fallen and Olivia sent me to get Scorpius, its urgent.”

She nodded pushing past the two; specifically Jisung. “Ill get him now, wait out here.”

“Be fast. Please!”

I paced up and down the width of the small corridor, Jisung’s face immediately changed realisation dawned over his sharp features and he quickly followed the dark raven female; leaving the blond boy standing a meter away from me.

It felt awkward. I didn’t want to talk to him or even be around him. Though I could feel his penetrating gaze it pervaded my head trying to understand my thoughts, defiling me.

“Stop that.”

“What? Stop what?” he sneered his voice was back to the usual the voice he always had; the softness that was once there when we were at the mansion was nowhere to be found. I guess snakes venom spreads fast, especially of that snake is Rosier.

“Your staring.” I snapped back.

“So now I can’t use my eyes, and who said I take orders from you? Filthy half breed.” His words took me back to the times I’d let myself be lectured and broken down by him.

I wasn’t going to answer but the look of pure aggravation on my face said enough. Watching the now appeared Scorpius drag me off was enough to let it slide, lyra was more important anyways.

“You can tell me what happened later and why I’m desperately needed when Lyra’s the one in trouble but now we need to get to her as fast as possible.”

After pulling Scorpius on a wild goose chase to the library then noticing Olivia took Lyra to the lunch table on the outside of the castle gates and into the gardens past the wooden bridge. I had finally made it completely emphysematous.

“What is it, what is going on?” the blond boy was extremely confused and shocked. His movements were extremely erratic.

“You’re going to have to sit through this one, Scorpius.” Olivia spoke she was hesitant. Weary to all his reactions.

“Do I go? Or what do I…” after catching enough breath I ask the unanswered question. It seemed like this was a private ordeal, I was unsure of whether it seemed ok for me to be here.

“You’re related to him; he may need some ‘moral support’ through this.” Olivia hissed she was put in an uncomfortable position; I could see it myself. She lifted the lifeless right arm that belonged to lyra.

The cold wind brushing past our stiff bodies allowed me to lean into Scorpius for warmth and comfort. Though I think he was the one who needed comfort now, he looked extremely anxious.

“Do you know what’s happening?” I look into his eyes leaning over his shoulder. Scorpius gleams smiling lightly at my pouted facial expression.

“You look cute.” He mumbles, pulling me down to sit next to him. He sighed, it seemed like he had a rough day today. “To be completely honest, I don’t know what this is about, but I have a bad feeling about this if my predictions are correct.”

The unease was evident in the way he stations himself waiting for Lyra to wake from her deep slumber.

“Why did you ask me to bring him here?” My question was directed to Olivia, but I couldn’t take my eyes of Lyra her tired and overworked emotional toll showing through her face. I was stupid not to notice, the glimmer once in her soft eyes no longer there.

“I should have been there for her like she did for me.” I muttered voice breaking, it sounded weaker than it should have. Watching the ravenclaw witch wake her up from the antidote of the elixir she looked shaken and dissipated.

“Selene, Scorpius?” her voice was barely above a whisper, lyra woke up but she was still in a haze. “I’ll let Lyra explain, just give her time to awaken.” Olivia added letting lyra sit up, I moved to help the brunette witch. My friend, a sister to me.

After giving her a few moments to calm I spoke up nudging her to speak gently. She had energized just enough to talk. But as soon as she looked up and into Scorpius’ eyes the tears started. He was shocked, his lips trembling wanting to say something but unable to speak.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” I was truly disordered, completely flummoxed. The two were reacting lie they had shared some sort information. Everyone was reacting strangely. Even Jade was understanding her eyes flashed when she heard of Lyra being hurt.

“I think I know, but I’m unsure…” Scorpius was as still as a stone sculpture at this moment. “And it’s scaring me.” He breathed looking at her weak shivering fingers before him, they laid on the table as she sobbed, “Is it a possibility that I’m- I mean, that you’re…

Her voice was incredibly shaky, she yearned to hug him but it was difficult... Everything was telling her not to push his limits.

“I wanted to, -really- I wanted to tell you for so long. But fath-father didn’t let me. He kept me away too. I’m so sorry.”

@ajuniceuajuniceu @kkuljungwoo @sensiblebutch @kangkinoa @nctzen2020 @mystic-jungkook @merryandhappylele @bcbymingi @mochischeeks @rilakunma @jaehyunspaghetti @commentgirl @99jjh @johnnys-wifeu @misaraem @apricottulips @h2ogamergirl @angelsnowflake

#nctdream series #wayv senarios #kpop fanfic #nct hogwarts au #nct chenle #wayv yangyang #NCT 127 #nct fanfic #nct wayv #wayv x reader

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sagemoderocklee · 4 years ago

Note

Hello! For the meta asks, would you do 1, 5, 8, and 17?

you did not come to play, lilac! thanks for all these questions! <3

1. Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

oh lord. that’s a... question. i have. so many current projects, i don’t even know where to start. this is gonna be long so please bear with me lol i’ll probably give more detail for some fics over others, and i’ll only go over fics I’ve got documents for because otherwise we’d be here forever.

The Art of Love: so this one is obvious because it’s been in progress for the last 2ish years? no i think it’s three now. I won’t go into detail with this because the fic is roughly halfway through, so there’s plenty of content for that up! I’d say the progress with that fic is actually going really well, though. Unlike Alliance, which took 8 years--five years of writing, three of editing--TAoL has been up for way less time, and is already about to hit the halfway mark! I really need to get back to it, tbh because it’s been way too long since my last update.

Honor Bound (sequel to Alliance): so this is.... kind of on pause. I’ve got the first three chapters written, but my focus has been more on TAoL when it comes to my more complicated, long running stories, so HB has taken a backseat. I think I won’t get back to working on the Allied Nations Saga until after TAoL is done, in all honesty.

Find Me: this is my HS AU, which has been on the back burner forever and I feel terrible because I think it may honestly be my most popular fic. Unfortunately, AUs/slice of life stuff is difficult for me because I’m more interested in politics, so I lost momentum on this fic. It is about halfway done. I have a good chunk of chapter six written, but not enough that I could say I’m close to finishing it.

It Eats Your Heart: obviously I just started this one, and it’s a horror fic. I’ve really gotta sit down and do some major plotting on it because I only have some very vague ideas currently.

Pearl-Filled Lungs: this is one of like three ningyo AUs I have--the other are pirate/ningyo AUs (and ones actually a selkie not a ningyo). I started it last year for the GaaLee fest, and it’s been sitting unfinished for far too long. I finally sat down recently and plotted the whole thing out, so I’m hoping to get back to working on it soon! It’s only 5 chapters in total, so I don’t think it’ll take me super long to get through once I sit down and do it.

Who Dares to Love Forever: This is a working title, and I may change it. This is a fic idea I’ve had for a couple years, inspired by the song Who Wants to Live Forever by Queen. This particular fic is a vehicle for my sage mode!rock lee headcanon, and explores just how effective Chiyo giving Gaara her life would have been given she was an old biddy. So the idea for this fic is that Gaara’s running out of time because Chiyo only had so much to offer.

Absolution: this is another fic that I’ve had on the back burner for years. it was initially inspired by art by @brianadoesotherjunk but quickly spiraled into something much bigger because of course it did. This particular fic is one I’m extremely excited about. I need to go back over the first part, because I feel like it’s not quite right, but I do technically have the first part done. This fic follows Gaara struggling with bouts of narcolepsy that trigger nightmares induced by trauma and guilt from his childhood. These nightmares are incredibly dangerous for obvious reasons, but even more so because Temari’s baby is on the way. Temari and Shikamaru are married, living in the Kazekage estate, and with their baby coming and both needing/wanting to get back to work, they also need a nanny. Unbeknownst to Gaara, the year prior to the events of the fic, Maito Gai died, succumbing to the 8th Gate finally, and Lee has since been spiraling. His depression has become so self-destructive that he’s been taken off active duty. Shikamaru, along with the rest of the Konoha 12 (minus Neji and Sasuke), get together and discuss what to do. Tenten believes that Lee being a nanny would be the perfect thing. And so Rock Lee is sent to Suna, hired by Shikamaru and Temari as their live-in nanny...

We Need Not Be Yellow Tulips in a Garden of Gardenia’s, Yet We Go the Way of the Red Camellia: true to form, I decided that a hanahaki fic was something I had to do, and I was not going to pass up the chance at being as Extra As Possible with the flowery language, ergo the ridiculous title. I’ve gotten part way through the first chapter of this fic, but the whole thing is roughly plotted out and each chapter title is just as extra as the whole fic’s title.

Thirteen Strokes: so this is a fic I have--once again--had on my mind for ages, and--once again, because I am nothing if not a caricature of myself--inspired by a Florence+the Machine song, All This and Heaven Too. I started writing this the other night, as I wanna use it for GaaLee bingo. It’ll be 13 chapters, as per the 13 strokes that it takes to make the character for love, ai, in Japanese. The fic is from Gaara’s PoV, and follows his journey with and his relationship to love, with lots of worldbuilding and politics because it wouldn’t be an Eeri Original without those things.

Scarification: this is another idea for bingo based around the prompt shinshoubyou, which is a fictional disease where your emotions cause physical marks on you

Fill in the [ ]: another bingo idea, based around the prompt bouaishoukoigun, the fictional disease where you forget the person you love if it’s unrequited.

The Eagle’s Augury: an idea that allows me to play around with more worldbuilding and focus on Karura. In this fic, the curse (mentioned briefly on the Naruto wikia) that has led to every single Kazekage being assassinated, is coming for Gaara, and Karura is trying to warn him from beyond the grave. At the same time, Temari and Shikamaru’s marriage is approaching, and their ceremony is being held in Suna, with all the fan fair a marriage for someone from the Kazekage line should see. Again, another fic inspired by Miss Florence+the Machine, the song is Mother

Pomegranate Sun: this is a fic that I am... so excited about. Another fic that was originally inspired by a Queen song, Under Pressure, and has of course taken on a life of its own. This fic, I am actually going to be writing with @ghoste-catte! It’s an arranged marriage trope, and I’m super pumped for it! We’ve only got a little bit started, and it has obviously not taken priority for either of us since we both have a lot of fics on our plates.

The Ballad of the Dragon and the Phoenix: this is a fic I’m really excited but is going to take a LOT of research to get off the ground. I had this idea sometime last year, I wanna say? This fic is another self-indulgent headcanon about Lee’s origins, his family, etc. This fic starts when Gaara shows up on Lee’s doorstep, asking him to accompany him to another country for reasons Lee cannot understand. Gaara has been in talks with Phoenix Kingdom, hoping to forge a new relationship only to find that the Emperor wants to use shinobi for militaristic purposes. Lee doesn’t understand what help he could possibly offer the Kazekage, but he can’t very well turn him down.

okay, i’m gonna stop there. these are the ones I have titles and documents for, and honestly that’s probably way more than you wanted to know about lol

5. What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

Despite the fact that most of my fics end up from Gaara’s PoV, I actually identify with Lee the most!

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

Yes! Which is hard to find, tbh, because I am a sucker for political dramas with slow burn romances, but I don’t see a lot of that in the GaaLee fandom. I’m not as into like slice of life or short stories where the characters get together quick, I’m really not into established relationship fics unless it’s a sequel, so I tend to avoid those. I like AUs but it really depends on the AU, because I ultimately prefer the canon and I love seeing the way people write the shinobi world and all its rules and cultures and things. I’m just a big fan of worldbuilding, politics, and slow slow burns. Not this 25k SLOW BURN! crap because that is NOT a slow burn. I wanna see a fic that’s 200k words in and they still haven’t even figured out they’re in love! I like stories I can really sink my teeth into, ya know?

17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

Oh gosh. I generally don’t think too much about it except like hoping people don’t think I’m like a stuck up asshole because of how I talk about my writing, writing in general, my hcs, etc. I mean, obviously I don’t expect everyone in this fandom to like me--and there are ppl I’ve gone out of my way to be vocally against because they do nasty shit--but largely I feel like I come across as too intense, so even the general population of GaaLee fans that I do want to interact with I’m always a lil nervous that people secretly don’t like me and basically are like “oh god this bitch again” when they see me in the tags. But I just get really excited and invested in my ideas, and honestly for the longest time this fandom was SO small and there weren’t a lot of people putting out content regularly so it was like a handful of us so I think it made me more emphatic about GaaLee lol I think I always like assume people aren’t as excited about my writing as I am or that people are like “too much politic, i need more romance”.

I’m always surprised when people really love my AUs, like Kado or Find Me have had such fantastic reception, and it’s like people just eat that shit up so much. And then I look at like Alliance or Art of Love and get kind of confused because I think by comparison those are more interesting and more developed than my AUs. I put a shit ton of work into everything I write, especially anything that requires research, so it’s not to say that I do less work per say, just that I feel like TAoL and things like it are more interesting and more developed, and the relationship feels.... somehow more to me there than in an AU.

a lot of my motivation really just comes from the lack of content this fandom had for so many years, and the fact that Naruto could have been a much more interesting series and I love worldbuilding so much. I think my motivation for each fic is different though. Like Alliance was started because I wanted to write something different from what was mainly in the fandom at the time because mind you I started that in 2010. But my motivation for TAoL is more wanting to tell a beautiful story with a complex narrative that looks at the failings of the shinobi world. Whereas like any slice of life fic is really just meant to be a fun break. And sometimes I write something literally just because I wanted to fulfill that trope for the GaaLee fandom--again, a lot of my ideas have been sitting for years and years and years (TAoL was an idea I had literally right after starting Alliance, but I didn’t get to it until 2017), so a lot of ideas that are old are because at the time that trope hadn’t been fulfilled yet in the fandom though that’s changing a lot with the recent GaaLee Renaissance of the last couple years.

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soysaucevictim · 4 years ago

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Week 3. I’m... struggling.

May 1

I tried to get some sleep in after the all-nighter a bit before 9AM... “got up” around 3PM. This to mean I lied down and didn’t really get any proper sleep, because mind was racing about that project.

But resting was still okay. After I got back up and updated some logs, I did today’s exercise...

First, today’s DD. 50 squats with EC. Manageable, moderately aerobic work. One of the last things I did before things went pear-shaped...

I shortly after found out I lost a family member and I saw what happened. I’m not going to describe it here, for many reasons. But I’ve been dealing with the images and emotional pain since... I probably will in some fashion, for a long time.

Last, Day 13 of BREATH. “Feel“. Yoga was emotionally uncomfortable as hell... but I brought myself to the mat accepting that I was going in feeling extremely tender in that dept. Let’s just say there were some waterworks and a very real sense of survivor’s guilt. That’s all I’m going to say there.

I tried to deal with things with chatting and discretionary venting on Twitter...

I forced myself through another all-nighter to finish that sewing project. Fought against images and waves of intense emotions to keep going. I don’t think I would’ve succeeded at sleeping through the night anyways.

May 2

I tried to sleep again round 8AM - it was more just physical rest till like 10AM. Too restless.

Touched base on what happened with a family member. They were... all of us were... are distraught.

I had a more successful attempt at sleeping for a couple hours after that. Honestly, painful. But it was mutually beneficial and necessary. Probably made the nap easier.

Shortly after, I endeavored to get some working out done.

First, today’s DD. 50 climber taps with EC. Ngl, it took a little psyching myself up to get down and do this. As expected, really started feeling the abs in the last 10-20 reps.

Second, Day 14 of BREATH. “Space“. This was less emotionally fraught - even though there were moments wrapping up that I had twangs of sorrow. It’s too soon to let everything I’m going to need to go... but I imagine, there will be in the future. Too raw and in pain to manage that yet. I did like the back arch balance stands and toe stand moments, the most.

Last, Day 13 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. Had phone on floor because it was all planks. My climbers ran at more of a jog than a sprint - but then again energy levels wasn’t up to that. The last 2 sets in particular that were the hardest.

Made dinner, did some dishes, chatted and started on that vent art of Virgil to help process things a little. I basically pulled another all-nighter.

May 3

I decided to let care team know about what happened with a local crisis unit/line, before trying to get some sleep.

I woke up proper around 3PM, I think this was modestly more restful.

After some of the usual... was both somewhat relieved and distressed when one of the family member’s friends called his phone. We were able to let his circle know what happened.

I then got to some exercise again.

First, today’s DD. 1′ elbow clicks with EC. I counted 74 reps by the end of the duration. Manageable and simple.

Second, Day 15 of BREATH. “Enter“. Despite walking into this having eaten a lot of wasabi peas - I elected to do full planks and kept back knee raised for high lunge variations upon Adriene’s invitation to. It was nice getting into a sort of flow - gathering what we were going to do next before Adriene instructed a few times.

Last, Day 14 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. The squat hops were honestly the brutal part, today. Was tempted to not shoot for Level 3, but decided to anyways. Just glad I completed it, today.

Did some of the usual, made some dinner, and finished up that drawing.

I stayed up obscenely late, but not another all-nighter.

May 4

I woke up around 11AM.

Touched base with therapist on the phone. Made a mortuary appointment and asked family to help get me (and Dad) to that appointment later in the week.

Hit the showers, met some more family in person.

Did some of the usual before deciding to add, sort, and transfer the contents of my Anxiety Box into Virgil’s jar. I also decided to start filling the Patton jar with some things I was grateful for. I think this was helpful.

I dusted off Facebook for the first time in like years. Saw that his friends have been pouring condolences onto his page. I was pretty disconnected from his circle of friends... wound up adding many of the ones I recognized hearing about. This was a painful straddle between gratefulness and sorrow.

Had to field another call on his phone. That hurt too. I kind of wished I could unlock it.

I then got going on my workouts, pretty late...

First, today’s DD. 1′ raised leg circles with EC (supine). I counted a total of 45 reps, reversing the direction at the 30″ mark. Doable despite needing to hold head up.

Second, Day 16 of BREATH. “Discipline“. This was an extremely chill day - focusing on extending and slowing down the breaths... definitely well-timed given how tiring/harrowing today has been.

Last, Day 15 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. Just arm work, I’d say these days are amongst the easiest to get through. Again, good for energy levels.

I wound up in bed around the same time as yesterday.

May 5

I woke up around 11AM again.

I went to Seeking Safety Group again. I wanted and needed to be there. That’s all I’m going to say on that one.

Got home, almost dozing off. But spent all day and night hanging out with a local friend.

I did some dishes and made one of the Hello Fresh Meal. Creamy pesto grillng cheese ciabattas. Me and friend really enjoyed this one.

Among many things - I think sharing DWIT and the first half of “The Poisoner’s Handbook“ were some of the highlights.

We wound up talking the night away, despite it not being the best idea.

Oh well, the bed was made at that point.

May 6

So one of the first things I had to deal with was a morning dental appointment. It was a nice appointment, talked about things with discretion. I’m hoping it may get a tiny bit easier to talk about for it. (Obviously NOT oversharing to anyone and everyone.)

Grabbed some Starbucks and had to get frustrated with LogistiCare, in activating my return trip home. I was honestly getting close to collapse of exhaustion by the time it got to me. (Not going to blame anyone really... it was unfortunate for how bone tired I was.)

Got home and took a short nap, before the mortuary appointment.

I kind of didn’t want to - but after that, I was roped into seeing extended family. It was nice but also further exhausting. But I will say that a highlight was being able to share with my great uncle a series about the Spanish Flu. He likes history stuff and learned a lot of new things about that situation - also was nice tying it in with his interest in stuff like the WW. (Also glad and was struck by all the observed parallels with, uh, what’s been happening with COVID. But I’ll leave it at that.)

Medical history and the like was a welcome distraction. Especially the fact that that great uncle was an interested party to share it to.

Got home again and spent some of the night on the usual and decided that I was only up for catching up on my DDs...

First, yesterday’s DD. 40 side bridges with EC. It was questionable, given sheer level of exhaustion. But I felt like catching up on SOME of my regimen anyways..

Last, today’s DD. 40 windshield with EC. Same thoughts about previous exercise.

Updated some logs and stuff before hitting the sack. In the green zone for once, yet again. I was just so profoundly exhausted at that point.

May 7

I woke up around 11AM.

One the first things I wound up doing was fielding a lot of phone calls to get other appointment-related affairs handled.

Spent some time on the usual and sketching an art idea out that I’m not sure I’ll flesh out just yet. It’s kind of detail-intensive.

Then, I decided to catch up on my exercise regimen.

First, today’s DD. 2′ bicep extensions with EC. I counted 155 reps by the end of it. Biceps felt pretty tired after that one, at that pace. But very doable.

(After watching some YouTube and whatnot...)

Second, Day 17 of BREATH. “Explore“. Man, was this intense on my quads for my energy levels today. But I tried my best to get through it as best as possible. I think the chair poses were especially intense.

Third, Day 18 of BREATH. “Center“. This was alright. I liked the calf raise hold stuff and a lot more of the chill stuff today. Warriors were okay. Still have a ways to go to pull off Crow Pose, but that is a challenging one, for sure.

(After a lot of usual stuff...)

Fourth, Day 16 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. Intense, but I enjoyed the fact this was mostly jumping jacks. Think the twist jacks were the weirdest part. Got fairly winded by the end.

(After making/eating some dinner and watching some videos for that to settle...)

Last, Day 17 of 1′HIIT.Level 3, 1′ rest. A bit more strength-oriented leg work - what with the leg raises and lunges. Glad I didn’t have to worry too much about doing this in a semi-full stomach (butt kicks do some jostling but generally not as much as like high knees).

I spent some time watching/listening to videos and updating some logs after this.

I got to bed pretty late in the red again... but not an all-nighter.

#adventures with fitness #adventures with hello fresh #family shit/#death/#(this... this was a traumatizing wk)#(i didn't detail what happened more than the fallout... however)#covid mention/#(but that's not related to what happened to us this week)

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kitahara-rei · 5 years ago

Text

Start of Something New

Based off the long, long headcanon I have of how Reiji and Ranmaru met and how they (kinda) got together.

This fic takes place during their Marriage/I'm Your Life photoshoot, a few years after QUARTET NIGHT was formed.

A mini collaboration project between my friend @pineappuu-pineappley and I, she drew bombass art for the fic!! Check it out below!!!! I sure hope I did the colouring some justice weeps- It took me a while to put it all together ;u;;; so much effort ajsdklasd

The link to the fic (with no art) on AO3 [here] or you can read it (and look at art!!) after the read more:

~~~~~

Beautiful. Everything that his eyes laid upon was a work of art. Marble pillars lined the long hallway, ascending up into an arch that melded together to form the high ceiling of the chapel. An array of golden flecks splattered across the ceiling shone like stars where the sunlight hit the painted dome, casting a shimmery glow in the air that seemed almost magical.

The sound of his footsteps reverberated around the empty hall with each step he took, reminding him how quiet it was without anyone else around. It had been bustling with so much activity earlier during their photoshoot with staff members at every corner, packing equipment and shouting instructions. All in all, it was a busy day and Reiji was glad to have some peace at last.

Golden hues from the setting sun painted the ground with the image of the stained glass in front of him, reminding him that night was soon to fall, and that he should be heading back soon with the others. But he didn't want to go back just yet. As he approached the altar, he reached out to touch the slab of cool marble, marveling at the inscriptions in a language he couldn't understand. He traced them with his finger, wondering what it all meant.

This chapel had been abandoned once, but their boss had it restored within a week to its current state of glory. The theme of marriage had been swimming around in his mind since the moment that it was proposed to them. Closing his eyes, he hummed the chorus of the song.

To stand here with his beloved, looking into their eyes as they exchanged vows, promising their everything to each other for eternity... Reiji couldn't picture that in his mind. There was too much baggage that he carried in his heart to let anyone else in, let alone think about marriage. A certain person's face floated up from the depths of his memory, and he wrenched his eyes open, falling back against the altar. He grabbed onto the cold surface to find his steady ground again, sucking in a shaky breath before letting the air out between gritted teeth. That could have been them once, but thanks to him, on this day ten years ago...

The sound of the waves crashing against the shore outside was faint, but it was piercingly loud in the silence. It was a bad idea, now that he thought about it, to wander off on his own. With nothing else to occupy his mind, the thoughts that he squashed down on a daily basis came crawling back out, gripping his very being, claiming him as their prisoner.

"Reiji?"

That one voice rang out clear in the chapel. He had heard it many times, be it on stage right next to him or in the dressing room, always in a low, gruff tone. Reiji turned his eyes onto the figure walking towards him, who had his hands stuffed in the pockets of his dress pants. He usually saw him in casual clothes (with the exception of their group costumes) but he had to admit, Ranmaru looked very good in a fitted white suit. The fabric hugged his figure well, accenting his broad shoulders and slim waistline, the pressed pants making his long legs seem longer. Their costume designer had done a great job this time round.

"I thought you went home, Ran-Ran," Reiji said, tucking his hair behind his ear. "You disappeared right after we ended."

Ranmaru stopped right in front of him, a couple steps down from where he was at the altar. Now that he had a closer look, his suit was wrinkled from sleep. "I took a nap here for a bit. Heard you walking 'round," he said, yawning. The look that he gave Reiji was tinged with sleepiness, which reminded him very much of a housecat. "What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to take a look at it all again. Shiny-san found such a treasure sitting by the seaside, I'm surprised that the locals didn't know about it." Reiji looked back up at the painted baby angels on the ceiling, which had a very remarkable features reminiscent of his Very Strange Boss. He was pretty sure that wasn't originally there. "There's something about a chapel that just brings about certain feelings, doesn't it?"

The other man let out a low hum. Reiji wasn't sure what it was supposed to mean. Silence fell between them.

"Have you ever thought about it?" Reiji asked.

"'Bout what?"

"Marriage." He caught Ranmaru glancing to the side, frowning deeply. "I guess it's still too early for you." Reiji laughed, leaning back against the altar. "Any girl would be lucky enough to marry you, but they have to get past all these spikes first," he teased, reaching out to tussle Ranmaru's unruly hair. It felt softer than it looked, despite the innumerous amounts of hair wax he used to keep it styled.

He almost flinched when Ranmaru grabbed his wrist in a firm hold out of nowhere. It was as if the air around him went still the moment Ranmaru's unusual eyes met his, and Reiji could almost feel the intensity of his gaze burning. "I haven't," Ranmaru admitted at last.

Reiji let out the breath he was holding, though he noticed that Ranmaru still hadn't let go of his hand. "Ah, I-I see," he said. "Well, like I said, it's still too early for-"

"But I have someone in mind."

The words cut through his own cleanly like a sharp knife. Reiji swallowed as he saw, no, felt his hand taken gently in Ranmaru's own, his breath catching in his throat when Ranmaru brought it up for a gentle kiss. The back of his hand burned hotly where the imprint of Ranmaru's lips had imparted upon it. The words that he never thought Ranmaru would ever say left his lips.

"Reiji," he said, softer than he had ever heard the man before. "Your smile brings so much warmth into my life. I am yours, so will you be mine?"

It was like a scene out of a classic romance movie, with the setting sun casting a golden glow upon Ranmaru's handsome features, catching gold in his silvery strands. Ranmaru was watching him carefully, waiting for his reply. He wasn't the type to joke around, as Reiji knew, and he had suspected the younger man had a growing crush upon him ever since that night he drunkenly confessed to liking him.

Reiji could admit to sneaking a glance now and again, but he had known Ranmaru as a troublesome kid who knew nothing of the idol world. He hadn't thought about him romantically before. In a way, he suspected he might have, but had been too afraid to pursue those feelings any further.

"I..." He was at a loss for words. His pulse must be skyrocketing right now from how loud his heart was beating in his ears. Every sound was drowned out except for his heartbeat and his short breaths. It was all too much for him; the thought alone that Ranmaru, who had seen him at his lowest, still harboured such feelings for him was staggering. A certain face that flashed into his mind made he pull his hand back. No, he just couldn't. His heart was barely held together with cheap tape made from false cheerfulness and it couldn't take much more.

"I'm sorry."

The last thing he saw was Ranmaru's shock before he booked it, running out the door. He felt like his heart was overflowing with all the overwhelming thoughts, the feelings, the pain from the past. His legs were taking him further and further away on the sand, the wind whipping past his face and into his hair. He didn't know where he was going; anywhere was fine, as long as he could escape from all the mess that was in his head.

A hand grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks, and he almost fell backwards. He struggled to get his arm free, prying at the strong grip that refused to let go. His hand was caught by the other and he looked up to see the pained look on Ranmaru's face.

Oh no, he did it again. No matter what he did, someone was going to get hurt.

"Let me go." He was surprised to find his voice as steady as it was, even though his hands were trembling. His eyes found themselves glued to the sandy ground, unable to bring himself to look up at Ranmaru.

"Reiji, please-"

"Let me go!"

The world lurched and he found himself in Ranmaru's embrace. No matter how much more he struggled, Ranmaru's grip on him was tight, as if the man was afraid of letting him go and carry out another disappearing act. Honestly, Reiji would have done that, just to avoid the entire resulting mess that was to come, the awkward silence and distance between the two and the eventuality of them drifting apart.

But the thought of Ranmaru going back to his distant self pained him, as if their time together meant nothing: the many nights shared under the influence of many beers in Ranmaru's dinky little apartment, the tender way that Ranmaru would stroke his hair as he slept, the way one look could tell him what was on Ranmaru's mind, the little things about the man that no one else seemed to pick up...

Reiji realised that he didn't want to lose all that too. The tears were flowing before he knew it, and he found himself crying into the shoulder in front of him, digging his fingers into Ranmaru's clothes, not wanting to let this man go.

"I'm scared, Ran-Ran. I'm scared that I can't give you the happiness you deserve. I'm scared I can't return the same feelings as you do, I'm-"

"I don't need all that. I just want you."

Ranmaru's hand moved to caress his cheek, his thumb wiping away the tears from his eyes. Reiji didn't know when, but when he opened his eyes, Ranmaru was there, his brows knitted into a frown. He was breathing hard and so was Reiji; Ranmaru must have run out after him right after he bolted.

He didn't deserve the man in front of him who deserved so much better. He deserved someone he could pour all his love into and get back so much more, a less difficult person to love. Someone that wasn't him.

"Reiji, look at me." How could such piercing eyes hold such a warm and soft gaze for him? His touch was so gentle. "I love you just the way you are. You don't need to give me your answer right now. My heart will always belong to you."

He felt his heart clench. Reiji wanted to do it, but he was too scared to take that first step and bungle it all up like he did before with Aine. But, he wanted Ranmaru so badly. Maybe this time, it would end well. He couldn't help the tiny, tiny glimmer of hope flickering within that maybe, he wouldn't screw it up this time. Maybe, he could be happy with Ranmaru.

The wind was loud in his ears, drowning out the sounds of ocean waves crashing against the shore. His breath was caught in his throat at how striking Ranmaru looked at this moment.

He closed the distance between them first. Reiji kissed him softly, carefully, a little hesitant. It was the barest touch of their lips but it sent his heart racing, and he drew back, wondering if what he did had been a good idea. Ranmaru's lips stole the rest of his thoughts and his breath away as they came for his own, sending his mind into a tizzy. And suddenly, Reiji found himself wanting more. Hands found themselves pulling him in closer, fingers were tangled in the mess that his hair was, anything to keep him within his hold. Ranmaru kissed him once, twice and again, and Reiji could barely catch his breath before being engulfed once more.

And then he was panting hard, his thoughts scattered across the beach like sand. Ranmaru was still holding onto him tightly, so close that he swore could hear the thrumming of his heartbeat. Or was that his own? Reiji didn't know.

"I... still don't know if this is what love is, but I want to give it a try. I want you so much, Ran-Ran." And there it was, the smile that sent his heart fluttering at the beginning.

"I'll wait for you until you're ready," Ranmaru said, touching his forehead to Reiji's. "I'll always be here for you."

Ranmaru's love for him was so warm, it filled up his heart close to exploding. The tears fell before he could blink them back, but this time, he was smiling through them, feeling a weight off his shoulders. "Thank you," he said, "for everything."

#utapri #uta no prince sama #kotobuki reiji #kurosaki ranmaru #ranrei #rei's fics #rei's art #friendo's art #long post #this took me a while because my hand hurted #and also like #I'M SO TIRED I CAN'T THINK PROPERLY #i hope yall likely

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najatheangel · 4 years ago

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hi! could I get a written ship for nct 127, nct dream, and seventeen? i am 5’5” with brown hair and brown eyes. i’m an isfj and gemini. i am generally calm and soft spoken, and my friends describe me as a happy, gentle, and studious person. i’m also told that I can be too nice for my own good, and i’m definitely a mom friend ahah. my hobbies include drawing, listening to music, reading manga, watching tv, traveling, and baking. i also love spending time with my friends and family and studying in cafes :) my favorite foods are sushi, poke, and korean bbq. i’m family-oriented and love animals, especially cats! i daydream a lot and would describe myself as an idealist. i tend to be drawn to people who have a cool or almost cold appearance but are actually sweet on the inside. arrogance, dishonesty, selfishness, and rudeness are huge pet-peeves of mine. my ideal date would be a comfy home date (cooking dinner together and watching a movie). thank you so much! hope you have a good day💗💗

Heyy gorgeous, thanks so much for requesting. So sorry for the hold up, but your ships are finally here...

From Nct Dream, I ship you with...Renjun

Positive Side: When I read your description from start to finish, I just knew I was going to ship you with him. Your personalities definitely make a good balance in a sense, because just like you, he’s very soft spoken, gentle, very friendly and can be in tone with his emotions in a positive light. He also can be fiesty, dramatic and very funny which adds more excitement to both of your relationship. When people try to take advantage of your kindnesses or even tease you too much, Renjun would stand up for you in a heart beat grasping your shoulder clinging you close to him. Dates would be sooo entertaining because you both have similar interests and hobbies. You guys will do weekly art projects together as dates and exchange them as gifts for other to hang up in your rooms. Since he's learning more about cooking as he go, he would get guidance from hyung Doyoung to prepare your favorite dish along with any movie of your choice. Lastly, he’s a sucker for baby kittens and the both of you would adopt 3 from the shelter to name them Clover, Sparkle and Coco. Being with him can help you both learn to love and blossom into a more stronger, loveable and powerful couple.

Negative Side: Renjun can be a tab bit sensitive when it comes to being with you. Every once in awhile, we see Renjun reveal his emotional side to czennies which can make me ooo so soft most of the time, but that’s only because he knows how to pour his heart out into his dream job and your relationship. I have a feeling sometimes he can’t control his jealousy by making assumptions when a guy is flirting with you or even touching you. The guy wouldn’t even be able to make eye contact more than 10 seconds, that enough would start to irritate him. Not saying he would act crazy, but he can only go so far with his patience, because this man can get real hot headed easily. I meann he has to deal with pranksters Haechan and Chenle so I understand his pain lol.

But...: After him pouting and ranting about the guy that was giving all over you, you gave him reassurance by taking him out for sushi and letting him stay the night at your place cuddling in your bed sharing hoodie as a blanket while watching anime. Renjun just loves giving his all to you and wanted to make sure that all the guys that would ever dare try to hit you up or hook up with you had to deal with facing your boyfriend and his fist. He can acting intense sometimes, but at the end of the day Renjun has the vocals and the personality of an angel and would never let anything bad happen to your relationship.

From Nct 127, I ship you with...Doyoung

Positive Side: Personally, I feel like matching you with Doyoung made the most sense to me. He would love how hard you study and how you have those traits of a mom very gentle, kind, calm and very wise. I have this feeling that in order to be with Doyoung, you have to keep up with his level of intelligence in order to understand him and his humor. I feel like in that aspect, that’s where you both click so well as friends and lovers. When around the members, you love to help Doyoung cook dinner almost every night with him learning new recipes and having intimate time together. Doyoung has been really bold lately especially with czennies so I can imagine him trying to flirt with you by wrapping his arms around you helping you mix or drop the amount of ingredients needed in the bowl. Cafe dates with him every weekend too to help you study for your exams, he would know exactly what study tools worked best for you and reward you with a kiss if you got all the answers right. Only straight A’s or no kisses was his number 1 rule. Lastly, he would be so professional yet protective of you when dealing with rude people. For example, if a saesang tried to spam you with texts asking for Doyoung’s Instagram account info, this man would grab your phone and troll them by giving them fake info. He would professionally go off on haters if it meant he could protect you.

Negative Side: Sometimes Doyoung can say harsh petty things, but a lot of times he means it as a joke. This side of him was hard to understand at first because most of the time you couldn’t tell if he was joking or being serious. Those times would lead to you feeling hurt inside and made it hard for you to face him. Even the other members that saw this happening, would thump Doyoung in the forehead very hard to make him realize what he’s done.

But...: Doyoung cares about you too much to let you feel sad, because of him. He apologizes with tears almost in his eyes and he even insists on allowing you to hit him. Instead, you both just hold each other’s hands and agreed to learn how to understand each other even more. After awhile his jokes doesn’t phase you and you even snap back at him. The love starts to become stronger at that point.

Awhhh our beautiful bunny boy 🥺🐰✨

From Seventeen, I ship you with... Jun

Positive Side: As much as I know seventeen, Jun is still kind of hard to describe personality wise. He does fit your ideal type as far as someone who would look cool and cold, but is actually sweet and laidback. He has very unique charms, hes a hard worker and he’s very talented. I can tell you this though, your both very idealistic and daydreamers which works out perfectly, because you both can work together help achieving your goals. You can help him stay motivated to continue to perform with seventeen and he can encourage you to focus on school and finish strong. Being the food lovers you both are, he’ll travel with you to the best tasting restaurants from Korean bbq to rolled ice cream. Expect lots of drunken moments with Jun especially when he’s out with the members. He’s only a giggler when he’s drunk, but he’s also a cuddler. When schedules become too busy and he’s super tired, he’s a very homey person so he would love to watch movies, reading manga together and playing games with you eating chocolate chip cookies you both just baked the other night. Lastly expect FaceTime shenanigans when he’s away on tour, he’ll be blowing up your phone trying to update you on everything that’s going on when he’s traveling with his members. “What is it this time Jun? You just called me 5 min ago.” “Check this out baby, they have these cute charm bracelets at this store. You want one?” “Awhh of course” Also. Never hang up without saying I love you or he’ll keep calling you back until you do.

Negative Side: Although both Gemini’s would seem like a disaster combination, it’s not as bad as you think. I think the only issue between you two would be the level of trust. In the beginning when you first moved in together, it was kind of hard to adjust living together, because he didn’t want you snooping into his things and you didn’t want him popping in your room whenever you were studying or changing. Those would lead to awkward conversations if you both ever broke those boundaries. The both of you at that point wouldn’t know how to recover from them awkward moments.

But...: After awhile, you both don’t seemed to be too bothered by it because you start to understand each other’s patterns and mood changes which is why you both can work easily together. It’ll tend to frustrate sometimes, but the both of you get over it and move on to the next thing. One minute your jokingly making fun of each other, the next minute you release that frustration out on each other through your make out sessions.

Out of everyone, I ship you with...Renjun the most.

@beahutiful thanks so much for requesting and I hope you enjoyed your ship. I also hope you enjoyed your holiday weekend.❤️❤️❤️

#submission #kpop ships #written ships #seventeen ships #nct dream ships #nct 127 ships #doyoung #renjun #jun

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