#i got a “we can't be perfect we're dealing with our own problems you know how tough it is at work”

[deesi-academia]

.

[lilacmingi]

THE GOAT

My works are 14+ ONLY. If you’re under 14 DO NOT interact with me or any of my works

Pairing: Hongjoong x fem reader, Mingi x fem reader

Word count: 4,790

Note: I’m doing something new with this little series. Each part will have two imagines based on the duos from the Bouncy music video, so you guys are getting TWO imagines in one :D

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𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐉𝐎𝐎𝐍𝐆 | 홍중

Hongjoong released a long sigh, staring through the telescope he held between his glove-clad hands.

"Tired?" You questioned.

He scoffed. "No."

"Liar."

"I'm used to staying up late. You should know this by now."

"Yeah, yeah." You waved a dismissive hand, repositioning yourself on the raised platform Hongjoong sat upon, fixing your gaze on the city below. "How many nights are we going to spend keeping watch out here like this?"

"Until we get the signal."

"The signal." You muttered through a sigh of exasperation. "And when will we be getting that?"

"Don't know." Hongjoong pushed the telescope closed and set it aside.

You leaned back, resting on your palms while gazing out at the nighttime cityscape lit up with vibrant neon hues from the different signs displayed on buildings. The streets were empty, completely vacant and void of any civilians. This place you called your temporary home was practically a ghost town. Despite the people here being away from the government's control, they all seemed to prefer to move quietly throughout to city so as not to draw any attention to themselves.

The sound of a motorcycle revving loudly echoed somewhere in the distance.

Well, except some people.

Hongjoong chuckled softly. "That must be Seonghwa."

"Must be. What is he doing anyway?"

"Riding around with his new motorcycle gang I suppose."

"That doesn't seem like something that pertains to the plan."

"No, but who says we can't have a little fun while we wait to put the plan in motion? He grinned.

"Yeah. You have a point."

"Plus, we're just regular civilians going about our daily lives. Isn't that right?"

"Right."

Hongjoong adjusted the hat on his head, pushing it back enough to where he could look up at the stars. His cowboy attire was a bit ridiculous, but it was his disguise and unfortunately yours as well. All the boys were staying in separate hideouts around the city. You, Hongjoong, and Mingi were located in a part of the city that had a more western feel to it and in order to blend in, you had to dress the part. Not only that, but the boys were wanted for their crimes against the government and they needed to keep a low profile, lest they get captured by the android guardians.

"Mingi's face is plastered all over the city." You commented, recalling the numerous sketches of him you had seen stuck to nearly every building.

"I know."

"You don't think our cover is gonna get blown?"

"No. There have been plenty of times we've almost been caught in the past, but we always make it out."

He had a point. All of them were uncannily lucky when it came to escaping the clutches of the android guardians. Yes, Yeosang got captured once, but he was brought back completely unscathed with his emotions still intact. That was a miracle in and of itself. There wasn't a day that went by where the boys weren't thankful for all eight of them being safe.

"At this point, what are we even watching for? Nothing has happened in Prestige Academy for months."

"We're not watching for anything. We're just keeping an eye on them."

You hummed and nodded, your fingers mindlessly fiddling with the fringe on your vest.

"Do you ever miss home?" You questioned, eyes locked on the dreary slate gray city of Strictland far in the distance—a reminder of how vastly dissimilar this world was from the one you grew up in.

Hongjoong pursed his lips in thought.

"Not really. Our lives weren't exactly perfect and it seemed like none of us had a purpose. The group broke apart and everyone was dealing with their own issues. Here, we have a purpose and whatever problems we had back home are insignificant now, especially compared to the threat we're facing here." There was a brief pause before he added, "What about you?"

"Do I miss home?" You questioned.

He nodded.

"No, but sometimes yes. Back in our world, I felt stuck I guess. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and I felt like I was being held back. If you can believe it, I feel more free here, even with all the rules the government is trying to enforce."

Hongjoong chuckled softly. "I get what you mean."

"When we first started this journey together, I was terrified. I didn't think I had it in me to make such daring moves, but now I want to do thrilling things like infiltrating an academy, but I do sometimes miss the normality of my old life. I miss hanging out with you guys in that old tin building."

"I do too." Hongjoong smiled fondly, turning to you. "But it's like I said earlier, who says we can't have a little fun? This dystopian world may be bleak, but we can still take it easy and have moments of normalcy."

The light from the large neon sign reading The Goat shone along his face, highlighting his side profile as he looked at you. It was a heavenly sight and one that had your heart thumping wildly with adoration.

You felt strongly about Hongjoong and had been quietly swooning over him for a long time now. Unfortunately, with all of the chaos constantly going on around you, there was no possibility of confessing. However, in this moment of vulnerability, you found yourself uttering something you normally wouldn't say.

"I'm glad I'm here with you."

Hongjoong's head lifted at your words. Now that he was looking at you, his eyes studying your face, you got nervous.

"Sorry." You murmured an apology, fiddling with the fringe of your vest again. "It's just that... well, you mean a lot to me and if we hadn't gone on this rollercoaster of a journey together and I stayed at our old home I'd probably be miserable. What I'm trying to say is that I'm thankful that we stuck together."

His gaze softened, a gentle smile gracing his pretty lips.

"I feel the same way."

A beat passed and Hongjoong scooted closer, it was unnoticed by you, as you'd turned your gaze back to the neon dotted cityscape ahead, staring out at the nighttime scene. His lips pressed together in momentary contemplation while his fingers fidgeted with the chains attached to his black leather gloves.

Hongjoong was a smart man, but your words caused him some confusion. Was that a confession? A subtle way to declare your feelings without saying it outright? Maybe you were just showing him appreciation for your companionship—or maybe you were hinting that you wanted something more. He hoped it was the latter.

There was only one way to find out.

He had taken on the android guardians multiple times, broke into a museum to steal the Cromer, snuck around Strictland to set up speakers, and now he was planning to infiltrate Prestige Academy to save as many students as possible, which would be one of their biggest and riskiest plans ever. Confessing is nothing compared to that. It should be a piece of cake. Keyword should.

Swallowing his pride and pushing away his nerves, he leaned over towards you, the movement grabbing your attention. Seeing how close he was made you tense up, but you didn't make any efforts to move away. Truthfully, you didn't want to.

His eyes were a little wider than usual, hesitancy swimming in his brown irises. The reason for that reluctance, you didn't know.

"Hongjoong?" Your voice came out much quieter than you intended. "What's happening?"

"I'm about to kiss you."

There was a brief pause of silence as your brain processed what he had just said. The only word that managed to come out of your mouth in response was,

"Okay."

You hardly had time to internally cringe at your lame response as Hongjoong's lips made contact with yours, promptly silencing your thoughts. Their softness alone had your mind turning to mush, your eyelids sliding closed as you practically melted into him. His gloved hand moved to cradle the side of your face while your hands relocated from your lap to the nape of his neck to keep him held close, hoping that this moment would last long enough for you to believe it wasn't a dream. His kisses were so delicate and slow. It felt like he was pouring all of his emotions into it, conveying just how much you meant to him with each gentle press of his lips.

Only a few moments passed before Hongjoong's kisses became a little more heated as he picked up the pace, moving his lips with more urgency. He even nipped at your bottom lip a couple times, earning a quiet squeak of surprise from you. You were thankful to be sitting down or else your knees would have given out on the spot. He chuckled lowly against your lips, amused by your reaction. His sultry laugh made your heart thump rapidly, your hands tightening into fists.

It wasn't long before your hands moved to his hat, pulling it off his head and tossing it to the side somewhere so you could card your fingers through his blue locks, grabbing handfuls of it. He let out a low hum that vibrated against your lips and sent a rush of butterflies to your stomach. After a particularly dizzying kiss, you sighed out his name, your mind far too clouded to realize what you had said. Hongjoong couldn't ignore the way that lit a fire in him. He liked how you sounded and he wanted to hear it again.

At this point, keeping watch was at the back of Hongjoong's mind. All he could think about was you and how glorious it felt to be kissing you like this and what it would take for you to say his name again.

"Say my name." He sighed out between heated kisses. "Please."

You did as he asked, repeating his name in a breathless whisper, egging him on.

His hand that cupped your cheek slid around to the back of your neck, his thumb gently rubbing your nape. You suppressed a shiver as he took your bottom lip between his, encasing it in warmth.

The both of you parted ways, Hongjoong's eyes looking hazy while his tongue darted out to wet his lips that were slightly swollen from your intense make out session. It seemed impossible, but he looked even more stunning than usual.

"What was that for?" You questioned breathlessly.

"I didn't know how else to convey my feelings."

"So, instead of just confessing, you did something riskier by kissing me?" You asked amusedly.

"What can I say? I'm a man who likes to take risks." The statement was confident, but judging by the pink tinting the tips of his ears, the thought of straight up confessing hadn't crossed his mind.

"Now what?"

"Well..." Hongjoong trailed off, his hand finding yours. "We can be together and still take down Prestige."

You gave a lighthearted chuckle. "Alright then. If you think you can handle balancing a relationship and overthrowing the government."

"Please." He scoffed playfully. "I'm the captain. I can handle anything."

Hongjoong's eyes shifted slightly, moving away from your face and focusing on something in the distance.

"Someone's coming." He announced, his gaze fixed on a figure riding a delivery scooter.

You chuckled softly even though you were bummed out that the moment had ended.

Duty calls.

He scrambled for his telescope, opening it up and peering through the glass.

"We didn't order any food." You mused.

"I know."

He zeroed in on a logo stuck to the delivery scooter that read Blue Bird Delivery. A silent sigh of relief was released. As the person approached, Hongjoong began messing with the pulley system attached to the roof of the building, lowering a beat up metal bucket to the ground below.

The moped came to a stop and the rider pulled out a plastic bag, placing it in the bucket before Hongjoong raised it.

"Is that Yeosang?"

"I think so."

The driver, who you assumed to be Yeosang got back onto the scooter and took off towards his next destination.

Hongjoong removed the plastic bag, carelessly tossing it aside as he opened the styrofoam takeout container. Inside was a single Cheongyang chili pepper.

Your brows furrowed in perplexmxent, wondering why Yeosang would bring you something like that. Hongjoong removed the paper from the container and examined it briefly. Glancing around, he broke open the green chili pepper, pulling out a rolled up note that had been put inside.

"What it is?" You inquired, watching as he unraveled it.

"It's time."

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐈 | 민기

The atmosphere in the dim Chili Peppers bar was filled with the sound of low murmuring from the few patrons it housed, the occasional sound of clinking glasses or pool being played accompanied the low conversations. You pressed the corners of the wrinkled paper to the wall, hanging a new wanted poster, this one bigger than the ones that already hung there. Most of them depicted the same man while others showed images of a few other fugitives who were believed to run in the same group. The only thing that was different from the rest was that any poster that showed this particular man said DEAD OR ALIVE in large letters. You weren't exactly sure as to why this man was wanted, but you heard whispers throughout the city that he looted local businesses in the area and sometimes traveled with a group of other fugitives. Some even say he runs with the masked men in fedoras, but you're not sure—this town talks a lot.

The wooden doors of the saloon squeaked as they were pushed open by a strong force. A tall figure stepped into the establishment, all of the attention drawn to him, the chatter in the bar coming to an abrupt stop. Every patron in the saloon had their heads directed towards the stranger, their eyes following him across the room. He wore a large hat that blocked his face, keeping his head low as he approached the bar you stood behind. You took note of the large shotgun strapped to his back, not thinking too much of it, as quite a few people around here carried weapons with them.

"How can I help you?" You asked, leaning on the wooden bar top.

"Why else do you think I came to this bar?" The man responded, his voice low and incredibly deep.

"Not everybody comes into this bar to drink, you know."

"Soju." He responded, taking a seat on one of the stools.

Reaching underneath the bar, you grabbed a shot glass and a cold bottle of soju from the mini fridge. Cracking open the alcohol, you poured the clear liquid into a shot glass, sliding it over to the man. His gloved hand reached out and lifted the shot to his lips, downing it just as quickly as you had poured it. He slammed the glass down onto the counter with his head hanging low. It was only when he raised his head that you got a clear look at his face.

First, you noticed his strikingly handsome features, then instant recognition. This was the man from the wanted poster.

You opened your mouth to speak, but your voice was stuck in your throat as he stood up, pulling his long, leather coat back to flash the gun sitting in a holster on his hip.

"When I turn around, duck under the bar." He instructed lowly.

What? Is what you wanted to say, but you didn't have time as he spun around, pulling the gun out.

You dropped to the floor and covered your head as the sound of gunshots rang out above you, some stray bullets hitting the bottles of alcohol displayed behind the counter, the shattered glass falling onto you, liquor splashing onto the wooden boards of the floor.

You didn't even have time to consider wether you trusted this stranger or not, yet you did exactly as he said without a second thought. Then again, it was the only thing you knew to do when you saw him draw his weapon.

A thump sounded from above you, the noise drawing your attention. The man now stood on  the bar holding the shotgun that was previously strapped to his back, firing the weapon mercilessly. Based on the heavy thuds you heard after every shot, he was good.

"Alright. It's safe. You can come out now."

Deciding to peek out from your hiding spot, you slowly stood up, peering over the bar top. Bodies littered the floor, tables were overturned, and shell casings were scattered everywhere. Your eyes were blown wide in surprise as you took in the scene before you. The stranger hopped down off the bar, landing behind the counter with you. You unconsciously took a step back, still wary of the man.

"Who are you?" You asked in a shaky voice, rattled by the experience you just had.

"Mingi."

When you didn't respond, he held his hands up in a placating manner to show he wasn't a threat.

"I won't hurt you. I'm a good guy."

Still skeptical, you studied him for a moment, your eyes scanning his sharp features for any signs of dishonesty.

"I saved you." He added.

"Saved me?"

"Yes. Everyone in this bar was working for the government."

Your expression shifted upon hearing that.

"Strictland is getting tougher on enforcing their rules and regulations. They were going to bring you in and have your emotions taken away."

"What?"

You couldn't believe what you were hearing, shaking your head in denial.

"That's not possible. This is the outskirts of the city. The government has no control here."

"They're trying to."

Mingi could see your breathing start to quicken, a look of fear crossing your features.

"What do I do?"

"You come with me."

"But I don't know you."

"Have you ever heard of The Black Pirates?"

"No."

"They're a group of people who are rebelling against the government and trying to undo what Strictland has tried to enforce. Me and my friends work with them."

So that's why his picture is all over the city. Those other wanted posters are probably the friends he mentioned.

"Trust me, it's best if you listen and come with me." He added.

After taking a few seconds to think it over, you caved and agreed to go with Mingi. It seemed to be your best and only option.

"Smart girl." He commented. "Follow me."

Taking a final glance at the bar that was in complete disarray, you turned your back and followed Mingi out of the establishment. There was something sad about walking out of that dingy bar. It felt like you were leaving a part of you behind. Chili Peppers was a place you had spent a year working at and met many  different people. You were well-acquainted with the regulars and enjoyed catching up with them when they came in. It was a fun job and one that had marked a new start of your life, so walking away from it broke your heart.

"Can I go back?" You asked.

"Probably not. You'll need to lay low."

"Right."

Unable to look at the bar any longer, you dropped your head and moved forward, rounding the corner of the building. It was only when Mingi came to a stop that you lifted your head.

He stood before the side of the Chili Peppers bar, staring at the multiple wanted posters depicting a sketch of his face that were plastered along the siding. Painted in harsh and aggressive black streaks across the posters was a giant Z. Mingi rolled his eyes, letting out an annoyed huff.

"So freaking persistent." He muttered under his breath.

"What's that?" You inquired.

His tongue poked the inside of his cheek in agitation. "He's the one in control of everything going on in Strictland."

You pressed your lips together as a bitter taste invaded your mouth. "I see."

Mingi turned to look at your expression, seeing the discomfort that flashed across your features as unwanted memories more than likely invaded your mind. It was clear to him that you felt ill will against Z.

"We all hate him." Mingi spoke up, hoping to ease your mind a bit. "That's why my friends are here. To get rid of all these rules and laws. This world is... wrong."

"I used to live in Strictland." You spoke up after a moment of silence. "I had to watch my friends turn into emotionless zombies. The android guardians tried to get me, but I fled. That's how I ended up here in the outskirts of the city. I felt safe... until now."

Mingi frowned upon hearing your story. Z and his twisted way of thinking has ruined so many lives. Your story was just a reminder of why he and his friends constantly put themselves in the line of danger and why they needed to continue doing so.

They wouldn't stop until this world was saved.

Your feet dragged through the dirt that lined the streets of the city, your eyes cast downward to stare at your shoes as they kicked up tiny puffs of dust.

"So, where are you taking me?"

"My hideout."

"And where is that?"

"Rooftop of The Goat."

"Rooftops aren't very secretive."

Mingi chuckled softly. "No, but it's the perfect spot to keep watch. My friends and I split off into groups of two so it would be harder for us to be tracked down and possibly caught if the android guardians decide to infiltrate this temporary safe haven. I've been staying in this part of town for a while."

"I heard about a group of people displaying acts of rebellion against Strictland's government and they've never been caught. It seems like they slip away in the nick of time every single time." You paused for a moment. "That was you and your friends, wasn't it?"

Mingi gave a nod.

A short walk through the dusty streets led you to the building with the giant neon sign reading: The Goat shining brightly at the rooftop, the word entrance accompanying the name of the building. It was then that you realized there were no doors.

"Come on." Mingi beckoned, climbing up a set of rickety metal stairs that lined the side of dilapidated building.

With each step, the stairs rattled softly and you hoped they would stay together long enough for you to reach the top.

"Hongjoong." Mingi announced, using his knuckles to knock lightly on a metal pipe as the both of you emerged on the rooftop.

"Oh, Mingi. Hi." A man with vibrant blue hair and cowboy attire greeted while peering through a telescope.

"Any news?"

"Not at all." The man who you assumed was Hongjoong lowered the telescope and pushed it together into its compact form before setting it aside. When he finally turned to look at Mingi, his eyes landed on you.

"Who's this?"

"You know I told you I was going to Chili Peppers to take care of some business?"

"Yeah."

"Everyone sitting in that bar tonight was working for the government. Y/n was the bartender and the only one there with her emotions in tact. They were going to bring her in and brainwash her."

"The government has no jurisdiction here."

"They don't seem to care. You know Z is going to try and get his way no matter what."

"Great." Muttered Hongjoong. "Just what we needed."

Mingi removed his hat and let out a sigh, running his fingers through his short, choppily-cut pink hair.

"This is bad." He said to Hongjoong.

Meanwhile you were left to watch the tense exchange between the two, a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. These two and their friends were the only people who could undo all of the damage Z has done to Strictland and here they are, visibly distraught.

"We still have the raid on Prestige." Hongjoong mentioned, making your ears perk up.

"Right." Mingi nodded. "That'll surely light a fire under Z. He won't see it coming."

Hongjoong peered into the distance, presumably where Prestige Academy sat.

"It's just a matter of time." He murmured.

"What's going on with Prestige?" You inquired, too curious to keep your mouth shut.

"We're going to sneak in and break everyone out of their trances. We've got an elaborate plan in place, we're just waiting to put it into motion." Mingi explained.

The government of Strictland was very powerful and this group of, you weren't sure how many people, are out here making big moves in order to save humanity. You commend them for their bravery but at the same time you wondered how someone could be so brave.

"I can't believe you guys do stuff like this."

"We have to. It's what we're here for." Mingi told you, his eyes holding a tsunami of emotions: commitment, determination, perhaps even a hint of fear.

"I'll leave you two alone." Hongjoong spoke up. "If you need me, I'll be downstairs."

With that, he stood up and entered a door that you assumed led to the inside of the building,  leaving the rooftop so you and Mingi could converse in private.

"Have a seat." The pink-haired male gestured to a raised platform resembling the front of a ship with two telescopes set up on it.

He stepped up on the platform, offering you a gloved hand to grab onto, which you did and allowed him to assist you onto the raised surface.

He set his hat aside and took a seat, his long legs hanging off the side of the platform. You followed suit and made yourself comfortable beside him, resting your arms on the metal bar of the railing that lined the ship-like structure.

"So, what's your story?" You asked, gently swinging your legs back and forth.

Mingi's captivating lips stuck out in though while his eyes focused on the buildings in the distance.

"I guess I should start from the beginning."

And so he did. From being brought here by the Cromer to taking the places of the masked men in fedoras and saving Strictland. You stayed silent the whole time and let him speak without interrupting. When he finally finished, a heavy and lengthy silence hung in the night air.

"So, you're not from this world." You said it like a statement.

"No."

"And you agreed to take the place of the men in fedoras just like that?"

"Yes. There's no way we can go back to our old world, especially knowing this one needs saving."

An overwhelming rush of admiration swelled in your chest, as did your respect for Mingi, if that was even possible.

"You and your friends are so brave."

He huffed out a light chuckle. "Yeah, I guess we are. It's weird. When we were told we would have to step up, we did. We did it without thinking."

"Do you ever get scared?"

"A lot. There have been times where I worry our plans won't work or one of my friends is about to get caught. I'm afraid one day, we won't be so lucky."

"If you need an extra person on your team, I'm willing to step up."

Mingi's brows raised, his sharp eyes becoming rounder in surprise.

"I'm not sure what I can do, but I'm willing to help however I can." You added.

"Are you sure?"

Yes, Mingi had just met you but he felt somewhat protective of you and there was a small part of him that couldn't see you get hurt or captured by the android guardians.

"Yes I'm sure." You were adamant in your decision. "I lost the only friends I had to that dictator. He stripped them of their emotions."

Mingi's eyes met yours, serious and searching for more confirmation even though he could see it clearly on your face—there was no changing your mind.

"We need all the help we can get, but it won't be easy." He told you.

"Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it. I'm up for whatever Strictland has to throw at me."

"Very well."

About that time, Hongjoong emerged onto the rooftop with a large sheet of rolled up paper in his hand that you presumed was a blueprint.

"Joong, we've got a new recruit." Mingi informed him.

"Is that so?"

You nodded in confirmation.

"What do you say we fill her in on the plans to invade Prestige?"

"I'm way ahead of you." Hongjoong wiggled the blueprint in his hand, bringing it over to spread it along the ground, revealing a grand plan. "Let's begin."

Seonghwa & Yeosang ⟡ Yunho & Jongho ⟡ San & Wooyoung

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Masterlist ᝰ — enjoyed this imagine? reblogs & comments are very much appreciated!

DO NOT steal, plagiarize, copy, repost, alter, or translate my works in any way

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[love-byers]

What do you think about people saying that us Bylers are not supporting Robin as a character and they only see her as a gay mentor for Mike & Will? That we only see Rovickie as gay mentors for them. Some people are saying that because we pay alot of attention to Byler that it overshadowed Robin of her coming out as lesbian, personally i disagree with this, obviously everybody has their own opinions but I we can also voice our own. With Robin, I obviously see her as her own character yk? I don't see her as just a gay mentor for the kids, Robin is her own person, Rovickie is their own ship, I know it may look like I probably just see her as just a gay mentor but it's really not like that, she is an absolutely amazing character, she is for sure as hell a good example for people who are in the closet? I feel the same with Rovickie. Rovickie is their own ship, but I really don't see anything wrong with wanting them to guide Mike & Will, it's a necessity imo because their soo young and they don't know how to deal with all of this (especially in the 80s) they need help and guidance. But yeah I went on a whole rant haha, BTW I'm sorry if I don't explain well lol

i actually just saw the thing you're talking about and screenshotted it to post here!! i honestly think its so dumb. and i dont just say that because im a byler fan and feel attacked

if you're a byler fan and run a byler account, no shit you're going to mostly post about byler. if you don't run a robin blog/account you probably don't mention her as much as whatever your account is dedicated to. i do talk about other ST topics and general theories but its mostly byler. because thats just what i like to talk about. so yes a lot of the time when i mention other characters its in relation to byler, not always though. that doesn't mean i dont like the characters or only view them as support beams for byler.

as a lesbian i love robin and think she's wonderful representation. i heard it was maya hawke's idea which i think means robin was originally going to be straight and just didn't see steve that way so it was going to be about him accepting the fact that a girl doesn't like him just because. but i'm so happy maya suggested that because its eons better than the original. robin is a great character and i think her coming out scene is so perfect and well written. her fear is so relatable, that feeling when you realize your guy friend likes you but you really do love him and don't want to lose him? its scary. and maya portrayed that beautifully. seeing her be accepted by steve was so emotional and also really important.

but i don't say all of that every day because i'm not a robin blog. i've posted about her/rovickie a few times without relation to byler, but yes i frequently mention parallels and mike and will interacting with robin and vickie in s5. because i am absolutely PUMPED FOR THAT. will is my favorite character and i think it would be really touching to see him interact with another queer person and feel like he can finally open up and feel safe while doing it. i don't know why some people think we're evil for wanting that. like its such a real thing for queer youth, making your first gay friend, perhaps someone a bit older and more realized/confident, and being SO happy that you can speak freely and be yourself. i want that for will who at this point in the story feels like a mistake, and of course mike makes him feel better about that as he said, but he cant speak freely around him. he could do that with robin. he probably feels like the only gay person in hawkins, so imagine how happy he would be to find out there's MORE!! THEY EXIST!! YOU'RE NOT ALONE!!!!

if you don't want to see queer characters connect especially in the 80s i honestly don't know what to say. you've got some serious pettiness problems if you don't want that

and i also hate the trend of diehard ST fans acting like the characters are real people. they're made up. you can't hurt their feelings. getting offended on behalf of a character is some real chronically online behavior.

there is no quota on how many times you have to post about a certain character. its your account and they're not real people so you can do WHATEVER YOU WANT. for every post you make relating robin to will or rovickie to byler, you don't have to make another post talking about how great robin is to make up for it. that's stupid. i seriously dont know what they expect when they go on a BYLER ACCOUNT.

i used to get attacked on twt for only mentioning el in relation to byler, which first of all wasn't true, but even if it was WHO CARES??? i was a byler account literally WHAT DID THEY EXPECT??? it hurts no one. people just hate byler fans (which honestly i lowkey understand cause some of us are terribly annoying) and look for any reason to sound justified when they express that hate.

you dont have to equally divide your love and attention to all the characters. you don't. at all.

[sillystarters]

it's always sunny in philadelphia season sixteen starter sentences.

starter sentences taken from episodes one - three from season sixteen of it's always sunny in philadelphia. part one of ??

have you ever seen teenage mutant ninja turtles ?

you spent close to $20,000 on a couch you never owned.

that's pretty bad business fellas.

now listen i have glued my hand to a door so they can't physically remove me.

you know, i know stuff.

that's money talk right there.

how much nut do you go through a month?

are you storing up your nut or are you blowing through it?

i'll give you fifty cents for a buck.

come, have a seat.

it was super cheap dude.

well listen, i don't really have any interest in your bulk tin of low end economy nuts.

yeah don't make a mess.

what's behind that door?

holy shit! what the fuck is this?

i wasn't tryin' to be crypto about it.

this is tits!

can i sleep in here?

we're gonna blow our shoes out with all this walking.

how is this not a big deal?

move past it dude, move past it man.

i really ultimately don't give a shit.

did you glue your hand to my door?

i can tell you're mad.

i can't deal with this.

and just leave me here all alone?

i don't wanna be a bad host.

you know what, this was a mistake.

i can't sleep.

what is going on with you dude?

what you workin' on there bud?

is that thing loaded, by the way?

get off my back.

you know what? screw this.

i am in the prime of my life.

okay so it was loaded, my mistake. don't be so dramatic.

it's not like anybody's in any real danger.

getting shot in the face is pretty cool.

i do care about the money though.

i got some bad news for ya, bud.

i figured you probably forgot too or something.

did you try to pull out your own teeth?

i'm so sorry.

i didn't have the heart to tell you.

those ungrateful bitches.

i can't believe you did this!

i'm not mad at you okay? it's fine.

you did make a mistake.

i didn't mean to upset you.

this is not working.

should we just attack him and take it?

shut up!

this is my worst nightmare in my entire life.

she burnt the shit outta me.

i got a little surprise for ya.

you wanna take it easy? goddamn. just one bite at a time.

ha! i almost ate my gun.

i hope everyone brought their appetite because i made quiche!

this is like, everything you've ever wanted.

that is ... sad.

this is so annoying.

alright, where to now?

a perfect day can't last forever.

what the hell are you doing?

you're outta control with that thing.

just barge right in okay don't be shy.

oh my god what are you doing here?

this is so distasteful.

asmr, dickweed!

how long has it been?

that's a definite pass for me.

this is a million to one shot and i've got a really good feeling about this.

our luck just turned around.

i don't wanna have my ass handed to me.

we have a problem.

whatever you do, don't laugh.

this is bad, dude.

what? why are you trying to break my door down at three in the morning?

i just wanted to ask if you could kindly keep the noise down.

this was very sweet of you to bake these for me.

it's a trophy, see? it says cunt of the year. that's you!

bad things are going to happen to you one day. i guarantee it.

you earned it!

we're not having bad luck, we're having good luck.

come here you rat! die!

it's time to make good on your end of the bargain.

what is your deal, man?

i'm going to beat you with my shoe!

we gotta take this seriously.

go make your apologies!

i'm done listening to this.

'just in case' is as good of a reason to believe in anything as any.

i don't believe in that bullshit.

well, that's not good.

that's a bad omen!

boy, that's a shame.

thank you for this.

i'm just trash right? that's what you said.

i got you a sixer!

i gotta show you something but you gotta keep it a secret.

you're not following.

it makes literally no sense.

a moment of your time?

i'm sorry your dad doesn't like you.

[whispers-of-lilith]

Lilith, who're your top 8 One Piece loves?

Star! Hi & thank you for popping in 🥺 Honestly, I had to think about this for a hot minute bc my brain has been hard focused on JJK lol.

Buckle up, bc this is going to be a long ass ride.

Liliths Top 8 One Piece Loves

Silvers "Dark King" Rayleigh

While I do love young Rayleigh when he was in his "prime", I will always choose older Rayleigh. It's no secret that this man definitely slept around at some point in his life. Not only does he have experience, but he knows exactly how to utilize all the skills he's learned over the years.

Rayleigh has stamina for days [ie. when his ship sank & he casually swam to Amazon Lily], he knows how to please, how to edge, etc. He could fuck me for days, to where I couldn't walk, but he wouldn't even have broken a sweat.

He seems like a fun person to be around & honestly I could see myself spending nights sitting in his lap while he drinks & tells stories of all the crazy shit he's done.

Dracule Mihawk

Ah, the dark, broody man who lives alone on an island. Literally my ideal type, bc dealing with people is hard & I'd rather spend my days on a rainy island in a massive castle.

I've probably said this one too many times, but whenever it rains I always have the urge to get railed by Mihawk next to the fireplace in his library. You just know he has a plush rug in front of it & if you bother him enough while he's reading? Best be prepared because he's going to teach you a lesson & you sure as shit can't finish until he finishes the chapter he's reading.

We could just enjoy the quiet together, I'm okay with spending time with someone even if we're doing our own thing.

Shanks

Shanks is like the golden retriever to my black cat. He doesn't take life too seriously [unless the situation calls for it & fuck if he isn't sexy when he's serious]. He knows how to have fun & would probably have the easiest time relaxing me simply by just cuddling with me.

Another man who clearly sleeps around, but knows exactly what he's got & how to please. I'm easily embarrassed & Shanks loves to embarrass, it's just in his nature.

I will always be a blushing, stuttering mess when it comes to this man's charms & I wouldn't have it any other way.

Benn "Big Dick" Beckman

You can't really have Shanks without Benn, or Benn without Shanks for that matter. Where Shanks throws caution to the wind, Benn is there to keep his ass in line.

He's gruff, stoic at times, doesn't seem to talk much, but will go feral when it comes to protecting something or someone he loves. Also, if you couldn't tell by the title I gave him, I just know this man is HUGE.

I'd melt if he called me "princess", "kitten", "pet" or anything along those lines and it's always a bonus when he follows it with a smirk. I'm down for a good railing sesh whenever he gets frustrated with Shanks [which is often].

[I just need to be eifle towered by Shanks & Benn, it'd probably solve 90% of my problems]

Charlotte Katakuri

Clearly I like the quiet / strong type if this list is any indication. Let's get the obvious out of the way first, Katakuri can & will split me in half with that dick & if that's how I go– then so be it.

I love a man with tattoos & have you seen his body?? Absolute perfection. Don't mess with the people he loves unless you have a death wish, he can & will obliterate you on sight if you do.

When he's not going feral in battle, his quiet & calculating personality is precious. He seems like the type to be easily flustered & I'd love to push him a bit so I could see his little blush. Idk he's just precious & adorable & needs to be protected at all costs.

[Ps. Would climb him like a koala]

Trafalgar Law

I loved him before I even met him in the anime. Fell for the scrungly, tired, lanky man seated on a box in Saboady. I even went as far as to cosplay a fem!Law for one of my first cons.

Again, another broody, quiet, tired man to add to my list. We're literally one in the same, we hyperfixate on things & neither of us sleep. So I know he'll always be awake at 3am to listen to me ramble about all the stupid facts I know.

Also, tbh, the tattoos do something for me. I mean, watching as his death tattoos disappear inside with each stroke? Fuck. Jsjdjajsbbxjsj. He is another one that flusters easy, but if you push him too far he 100% lets his dom side out.

Sir Crocodile

Sir Crocodile, hng. Money laundering? My man would never [yes he would & we live well bc of it, so no I'm not snitching]. I could sit in his lap like a perfect little kitten, whether he's sitting in on meetings or just enjoying a cigar, just lemme me on the big mans lap.

Lo said it best earlier, the rings. THE RINGS AND MAKING YOU CLEAN THEM JAHDUSJHAJAI. To be dominated by him would be a dream, he's so smug & cocky & ugh.

I would be his little princess, my self respect would go out the window. He 100% showers you with gifts just bc he can & he loves when you wear things he's bought you.

King [Alber]

Oh, what do you know, another quiet, strong, stoic man... see a theme here? Another man who would split me in half & I'd say thank you for doing so.

Just. His hair. His wings. His face tattoo. Everything about him was perfectly sculpted from the heavens & simply looking at him makes my day better.

On days when it's cold he could wrap us both in his wings & I'd fucking melt into a puddle. He's the type of man to be cold towards others, except for the person he loves & I'm all here for it.

[not-goldy]

I hope Jimin was in his savage era on Jk's day. Hope he watched some of these episodes back and was like you know what, you kinda were being an unnecessary pain in my Jibooty. Hope he just gave him a bro pat and was like Happy bday bro and ignored him the rest of the day. Jk sitting there waiting for his predictable annual Jimin bday post he's gotten use to and it doesn't come. Remember how Jk said his bday sucked last year to a reporter & said he didn't get traditional soup And we find out Jimin said he called JK, he probably didn't see him in person & that is why it sucked. Poor Jk, no soup, no Jimin and straight up said it sucked into the microphone and didn't hold back. If I were Jimin, I would be like you didn't get traditional soup huh, but yo mamma made it for my birthday, at least you got to enjoy it on my birthday and walk off like a boss. I'm kidding, joking aside, they were together on JK's bday this time by choice and nothing can take that away and we know Jimin probably made JK's day as special as he could be considering where they are. post or not. Its Jimin & we're talking about JK. He can't help it.

Unnecessary pain in his jibooty???????

I'm shooketh🤣

Bro pat is diabolic 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Awww not ignore him like wtf🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Okay not too much now💔🥴

Oh thank God you jx kidding😭😓🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I agree with your conclusions

I mean where they going they literally in forced proximity with eachother and I love how Jimin said well the best of friends could fight in such a confined space but not them

Jungkook loves and I don't have a problem with the way he loves. Like let's not get it twisted. He probably loves hard between the two. But loving someone and relating with someone are two different things.

And I feel that's were many people lose the plot when it comes to those two.

Jimin is extremely brilliant and relating to people. He has all the right emotional skills to relate with people. I'm just gonna say Jungkook is a bit lacking in that department so he can come off as aloof to some people.

But that doesn't in no way shape or form negate the love they each have for the other. Like I have no doubt on my mind Jimin and Jungkook love eachother.

And I know Jimin is confident in Jungkook's love towards them and more importantly he's confident in his own emotional skills to help them relate well in their relationship.

And listen, my guy, Jimin will choose his dynamic with Jungkook and perhaps has more confidence in the potential of a successful relationship with Jungkook than he has in Taehyung for example.

He's willing to forgive and Jungkook is willing to be told what he needs to do no matter how stubborn he may be.

I've learned and grown so much from their dynamic and in a perfect world I want to be like Jimin but right now Jungkook is where am at and if I sink low I'm a Taehyung 💀

I want to be so good at relating with people, not react impulsively, not let people's shit stirr up my own shit like people dont understand just how much Jimin brings to the table.

But I've a been a Jimin and I tell it's exhausting

Its exhausting being the one to reason all the time, be thoughtful all the time, care about the consequences of things and just plain be the mature one and intelligent one all the time

Baby now I let all burn and toast to the flames 🔥 😍

If you won't think before you act ill let you deal with the consequences of that. If you won't nurture our relationship back I'll let it wither, if you won't be the first to Apologize I won't either and let this relationship go to hell

I don't have to be the one to save it all the time and I feel neither should Jimin you know???

If people wanna be ghetto and not care about the little things that fosters a community and bridges relational gaps man don't care either you can't carry certain things all on your back.

Which is also not to say he must come from a place of malice no. He just has to care for his own emotional well being and understand if he keeps going like that he will burn out and feel emotionally depleted.

I hope he does more than pat him on the back. May be order a cake for him and gather a few friends to sing happy birthday for him because I know Jungkook makes his birthdays special for him even if he doesn't post about it🤷🏾

[thenationaltreasuregazette]

Book of Secrets Fails As a Sequel: Part 3/?

Where Ben's Arc Went Wrong

Previously, we started our deep dive into Book of Secrets by taking a look at Ben's character arc. Specifically, comparing his flat arc from the first movie to his lack of arc in the second.

And part of what's so frustrating about his lack of a character arc in the sequel is that the pieces are right there to make it happen.

Book of Secrets Ben has flaws! He has negative characteristics that are holding him back and hurting the people around him. We're shown this multiple times and then...poof. Nothing comes of it.

Heroes and Flaws

The way a character arc generally works is that the protagonist is introduced with a flaw. There are multiple names you might see used here and different theories about how to structure this setup—the hero's ghost, their misbelief, their passion taken too far.

In BoS, I'd call Ben's problem a misbelief. That is, a false belief that at one point in the hero's past was true.

Ben's Misbelief

Ben's once-true belief was that he is fundamentally right. He held this conviction about the Templar Treasure for 3/4 of his life, risked life, limb, and a treason conviction to prove it, and he was right.

He was ridiculed by his peers, and his family, and he was right.

The problem is, now that the treasure is found, Ben seems to have displaced this adamant certainty in his own convictions onto...everything. He was right about the treasure, so he must be right about the Booth diary too. He must be right about Thomas Gates and what Abigail wants and what Riley is capable of.

And this is actually fantastic!

Ben's a jackass, and that's great actually

I know, but hear me out: this is the perfect foundation for a character arc in the second movie. It is completely understandable how Ben became such a self-absorbed person after doing something so massively redefining for himself and the world. It would honestly be weirder if there wasn't some kind of emotional fallout from this (and we'll talk about the lack of fallout in other areas in a later edition.)

So the movie starts off by showing us the ways he needs to grow: His assumption that he's always right has imploded his relationship with Abigail.

London

Then the movie keeps pushing on this flaw, as it should. Ben ropes the squad into another dangerous treasure hunt because he has to be right about his great-great-whatever grandfather.

In London, Abigail spells out pretty explicitly what Ben has to learn.

ABIGAIL When you get to a conclusion without asking, and you happen to be right, you got lucky. BEN I get lucky a lot.

And from Ben's perspective, this is correct. Past experience has taught him that his most deeply help convictions are true, even without evidence. Even with mountains of evidence to the contrary!

But the danger of this mindset is reinforced later in the same sequence when:

BEN Hack into the London Police database and get a picture from that traffic cam. RILEY Okey-dokey. BEN You can't do it? RILEY No, I can. I just don't like that you assume that I can. ABIGAIL [laughs] Why, thank you, Riley.

Ben almost loses a critical clue—the clue—because he is going off assumption instead of talking to the two people he's closest to and listening to what they have to say.

So those are the first two 'phases' if you will of dealing with a character's flaw. 1) establish it 2) push on it until

3) it leads to a moment of crisis where the hero can either grow and take the first step towards overcoming this flaw or double down on the consequences

4) in most stories that aren't tragedies the hero will pick the path of growth and learn from their mistakes, repairing the damage they've caused and often finding a solution that will unlock the final problem their plot poses, which they weren't able to see until they let go of their flaw

You many have noticed that the last two steps do not occur in National Treasure Book of Secrets.

As @tentacledwizard put it on the last post

#because like. there were clear opportunities for Ben to have character growth in nat2#i don’t remember the events of the film all that clearly but there was a point where he makes#this kinda wild leap to a conclusion#and i was thinking “oh it’s gonna turn out that he was wrong. he misinterpreted the clue and he needs to admit that he was wrong”#but nope he’s still correct#hes ALWAYS correct and doesn’t experience any growth. he doesn’t have to admit he’s fallible bc he ISNT

Ben doesn't learn to listen to Abigail.

He doesn't make a mistake or draw a wrong conclusion.

He doesn't need to reach out to her, Riley, Emily or anybody else for a different perspective.

He isn't wrong about Riley or another allies abilities. (Or his own!!!)

He's just...right. Ben is always right.

How did we get here?

I can see how this happened. At some point in the development process, somebody decided that the Ben Gates we meet in the sequel had to be the exact same Ben we met in the original movie. And that Ben was fundamentally Right About Things™ so this one must be too.

My guess is this did not come from the writers, at least not from the beginning. The skeleton of what should have been his character arc is just too clear to have not been intentional at some point.

But as the story was worked on by teams of writers and looked at by various executives, somebody decided—maybe intentionally, maybe not—this 'Ben learns his lesson' business had to go.

It's a shame because, at least in my humble opinion, a functioning character arc here is the domino that might have underpinned a very different approach to the movie.

Next time → The sequel reset

[im-tops-bottom]

Chan: *huffs as he hides in his studio* I swear if Felix calls me daddy one more time in front of camera...I'll...I'll...

Han: you'll what?

Chan: *yelps and turns away from the door to see Han and Changbin working on music*

Changbin: before you ask, yeah we watched you have that whole moment

Han: so carry on, we wanna know how this plays out

Chan: well to be honest I don't know what I'll do

Han: punish him. I'll totally help

Changbin: punish the brat. We will all help

Chan: *glares at them* you guys are way too horny for Felix and there is no way any of you but Minho can tame him

Han: true

Changbin: I mean who can say no to Felix

Han: very true

Chan: we're doomed

Han: changing our name from Stray Kids to Straylix

Changbin: we're both horny and innocently craving Yongbok all the time.

Chan: and he keeps losing the group all the time

Han: perfect! When do we change our name? STEP OUT WE ARE STRAYLIX!

Changbin: *giggles* and no one tell Yongbokah, we'll just save it as a surprise. He'll be shocked

Chan: we can open up the betting pool again. Haven't done that in a while

Han: on what his reaction to the name change will be? Cause that sounds like fun

Chan and Changbin: absolutely

Han: Straylix as our first album under the new name

Changbin: hear me out. We each do a song dedicated to Bokkiiee and then do a song altogether. That'll be 8 songs

Chan: and two bonus songs so Felix doesn't get suspicious and feel left out. Have a full group song and give him his own solo.

Han: we can do photo shoots of us with our Lixie shrines

Changbin; *stares at Han* I'm sorry. Our what now?

Han: *looks between the two* our. Lixie. Shrines ... You ... You guys don't have one?

Chan: that is super creepy not gonna lie

Changbin: I have a Hyunjin one but I guess I'm willing to make some room for a Lixie one.

Chan: that's two extra creepy members

Han: I'll show you Minho and Hyunjins ones. You would think Hyunjin would have the biggest one but out of all of us in paboracha it's actually Minho himself

Chan: 😳🤨

Han: although I overheard Minho and Hyunjin Talkin the other night and Minho said that he has a trade and exchange deal going with Seungmin and Jeongin. The whole cuties dorm is just one massive Felix shrine

Chan; I'm sorry does Felix know about any of this? ... Hyunjin too changbin?

Changbin; hyunjin knows ... But I see my shrine making skills could have been more useful somewhere else

Han: I'm sure Hyung would do some offers with you for some hyunjin things

Changbin; he's got himself a deal

Chan; GUYS BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND

Han: oh right. Sorry Hyung. Yeah Felix knows. He was weirded out by it at first but since he loves his favorite stalkers he's just learned to accept and embrace it. We have a GC on KKT where he'll give us photos we can use

Changbin: he sounds like he's one photo away from starting an onlyfans

Han: oh I think we're getting there. We are wearing him down. He's so close

Changbin; I'll have a word with him if you have a word with Minho about my shrine problem

Han: deal

Chan: you guys are freaks. Renaming us to Freaky Kids & Chan because I want no business in thi-

Chan: *gets up too fast, trips over chords and falls forward. Backpack gets sent flying across the room and opens. Photos, photo album, camera and a sketch book comes flying out*

Han: ...

Changbin: ...

Chan: ...

Han: �� so you have no idea about this Felix shrine business

Changbin; *picks up the sketchbook he recognizes* this is a book I usually buy for Hyunjin to do his art

Han: ooh let's see what's in there

Changbin: *opens the book and gasps alongside Han* holy shit hyung

Han: oh wow...these are...god damn...they're very hot... do you think you guys could take photos in some of these positions?

Changbin; there's no need to

Han: hmm?

Changbin: *picks up some photos* it seems our fearless and shy leader can be a very kinky man

Han: holy shit... You really told Jinnie to draw the both of you like one of his french girls huh?

Chan: *can't do anything but sit there in shock, face blushing red. Holy body is red in fact*

Changbin & Han: *looks at all the drawings and photos to see which ones match the art*

Han: so on top of these ones that Hyuniiee took, you're out here taking random photos of Lixie?

Changbin: *smiles smugly and impersonates Chan* DoEs FeLiX kNoW aNyThInG aBoUt ThIs?

Felix: *walks through the studio room door* Hey guys Di- *stares at the mess* nner is here in the dance studio

Changbin: ...

Han: ...

Chan: ...

Felix: ...

Chan: I can explain

Han: *at the same time as Chan* he can explain

Changbin: food *races out of the studio*

[script-a-world]

Submitted via Google Form:

I am wondering about a civilization that built themselves on various large pieces of space debris, the remnants of an old war. There are no natural resources or food which means they source them from actual planets or grown/created in labs. That sounds cool but wondering about the idea that they wouldn't choose to stay and build their civilization on a planet.

Licorice: I have some questions. Thinking about the answers may help you answer your own question. 

Do the people living on the space debris go in person to the planets where they find resources? Or do they send robots or some other proxy? 

Are there any planets within their reach that are habitable for them? Or are they forced to stay on their debris because they can't access a planet they can live on? Or do they choose to stay on their debris because it's home? How long have they been living there? 

Maybe the tension between these options - stay on our debris/emigrate to a planet - causes a lot of political division in their society? I'd also like to know how many of them there are. Are we looking at a Red Dwarf situation? Hundreds of people? Thousands - tens of thousands?

Tex: If they don’t have any natural resources, how did the civilization build themselves there? There doesn’t seem to be any land, so food would need to be brought with them - how did they get there?

Why is the debris considered a suitable place to set up a home? Are there pieces large enough to set up some sort of electromagnetic shielding to develop an atmosphere? Are any of the pieces of debris cobbled together into a larger unit for people to live on?

Perhaps the nearby and suitable planets are already inhabited - would that make the debris more or less suitable to develop a home on?

Addy: Space debris can mean all sorts of things, from destroyed warships to civilian wreckage to industrial mining rigs. If any of the vessels were for civilian use (or extended travel/habitation, such as a military base or research familiarity), there could be hydroponics bays or similar growing facilities. From a habitability standpoint, as long as you have food, atmosphere, and the ability to maintain those two things, you can live just about anywhere.

Also, who are the people who live there? Are they the descendants of soldiers who never got rescued? Are they junkers who saw the debris field as a bunch of free metal for the taking? Are they a persecuted minority group that couldn't find anywhere else to live? The field could be a memorial to their family, it could be a symbol of economic opportunity, it could mean freedom to be themselves, it could mean safety. It could also just be home. It could be where they grew up, and where all their memories are. That, itself, is a powerful force.

We, ourselves, may see life on a planet as better, but that's because that's what we're used to. Weather, seasons, rain, animals, the sky… that's normal to us. To them, the unpredictability of planetary weather could be a drawback, compared to the known risks and patterns of space. Just something to consider.

Utuabzu: Your biggest concerns are going to be gravity and radiation, closely followed by atmosphere. You can handwave gravity and radiation with technodoohikies if you want, in all likelihood your readers won't care, but otherwise the people of this civilisation are likely to have some pretty serious health issues. Microgravity is really bad for any animal that evolved with gravity. So many systems in the body exploit it, and they go haywire when it isn't around. Which is why astronauts that have been on the ISS for long periods get health problems.

Radiation is even worse for any living thing, because it shreds DNA and delicate cellular machinery, and the only thing that can stop it is a great deal of mass and distance. Neither of these things are likely to be plentiful in this situation. Magnetic fields can redirect radiation, but they aren't perfect and a field strong enough to deflect that much radiation would be a hazard all on its own.

But both of these issues are potentially solvable. Centrifugal force can substitute for gravity, so that one is just a matter of getting any sufficiently large wrecks and spinning them, and over time probably using salvaged materials to build proper habitats. Radiation can be attenuated by creating an outer layer of material to absorb it. A particularly good candidate for this is water, since it's very good at blocking radiation and any earthlike life is going to need a fair bit of it anyway. Another idea is to coat the exterior with rubble from nearby asteroids, which also does double duty as protection from micrometeoroid impacts.

The atmosphere problem however is harder to resolve. They're going to need air, and there's only going to be so much left in the shipwrecks. And that will decline over time as air is lost due to imperfect seals and accidents. Sooner or later they will need to find more, either harvesting it from whatever is nearby or trading for it.

A related factor is food. Wherever food comes from is probably going to be where air is recycled, because that's just how photosynthesis works. And why would you go to the trouble of using mechanical means to convert CO2 to O2 when the crops you need to grow anyway will do it for free.

These are just a couple of things you should probably think about, because this civilisation would have had to and the answers they came to would have shaped it.

[lords-of-mayhem]

LOC + MARINA (And The Diamonds)

Since MARINA (And The Diamonds) won the last poll, here is Lords Of Chaos characters as MARINA (And The Diamonds) songs <3

Øystein // Are You Satisfied?

I was pulling out my hair the day I got the deal, chemically calm. Was I meant to feel happy that my life was just about to change? One life pretending to be the cat who got the cream.

Oh, everybody said, "Marina is a dreamer." People like to tell you who you're gonna be, it's not my problem if you don't see what I see. And I do not give a damn if you don't believe.

My problem, is my problem that I never am happy. It's my problem, it's my problem on how fast I will succeed. High achiever, don't you see? Baby, nothing comes for free.

They say I'm a control freak, driven by a greed to succeed. Nobody can stop me. 'Cause it's my problem if I wanna pack up and run away. It's my problem if I feel the need to smoke and drink and sway.

It's my problem if I feel the need to hide. Are you satisfied with an average life? Do I need to lie to make my way in life? Sad inside, in this life. Unsatisfied, praying. Unsatisfied, waiting.

Are you satisfied with an easy ride? Once you cross the line, will you be satisfied?

Varg // Lies

You're never gonna love me, so what's the use? What's the point in playing a game you're gonna lose? What's the point in saying you love me like a friend? What's the point in saying it's never gonna end?

You're too proud to say that you made a mistake, you're a coward 'til the end. I don't wanna admit that we're not gonna fit. No, I'm not the type that you like. Why don't we just pretend?

You only ever touch me in the dark. Only if we're drinking, can you see my spark? And only in the evening, could you give yourself to me? 'Cause the night is your woman and she'll set you free.

Lies, don't wanna know. I can't let you go, I just want it to be perfect. To believe it's all been worth the fight. Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know.

Pelle // You

You don't know me like you think you do. You don't own me, but I can't cut you loose. Everybody thinks that you're a star, but underneath, I see just what you are.

We both know that we can never change, walking slowly through the smoke and flames. Yeah, you break me down. Yeah, you shut me out. But it's all about you.

I know what you're about, but I need you now 'cause it's all about you. You don't love me like you think you do, you don't know that I'm just as bad as you.

Everybody thinks that I'm the heart of every party, but it's just the start. Deep down, I know that we're just the same, burning slowly through the dust and flames.

Fenriz // Venus Fly Trap

Whatever you give life, you will get back. Why be a wallflower when you can be a Venus Fly Trap? I never quite fit into that Hollywood thing, I didn't play that game for the money or the fame.

I did it my way, baby. Nothing in this world could change me. Don't underestimate me 'cause one day, you're gonna see you're in a losing battle. Babe, you'll never stop me being me.

Got the power, hold the reins. I should be motherfuckin' crazy, nothing in this world could change me. I sacrificed it all for a life to call mine, all the love and security to be myself.

I know that money ain't important and it don't mean you're the best, but I earned it all by myself and I'm a millionairess. They'll shame you, blame you, pretend to even hate you.

Take away your rights, pacify you with their lies. Whatever you give life, you are gonna get it back. Why be a wallflower when you can be a Venus Fly Trap?

Hellhammer // Weeds

Could have filled a garden with all the flowers that you gave me, but none of them were ours. You know the problem with history, it keeps coming back like weeds.

And when nothing feels enough, at least you taught me how to love. But he keeps growing back. Baby, just open your eyes to see. He's growing from inside me.

And I just don't know what I can do, I thought I cut him at the root. I miss all of my exes, they're the only ones that know me. And God knows that sex is a way to feel a little bit less lonely.

I tried to keep it covered up, but now I think my time is up 'cause he keeps growing back

Necrobutcher // Too Afraid

I wanna change, but I don't know how. I've been trying to turn my life around. I've been to every party, every bar. Nothing thrills me in this city anymore.

I guess I didn't know if I was happy. I can't pretend. Been feeling like I don't belong and I see I've reached an end. What can I do? I hate this city, but I stay 'cause of you.

Well, why can't I change? I wanna move on, but I'm just too afraid. Just too afraid, that's why I stay. Get on the train, I go underground. People look so lonely with eyes turned down.

This isn't living, this isn't how I thought my life would be, but I need to get out. Nothing's gonna change the way I feel, I can't pretend, I've reached an end.

I wanna move on, but I'm just too afraid. It could all be different. In this life, change your future in an instant. Ah, just to feel alive.

Occultus // Soft To Be Strong

I know it's hard to be soft, I know it hurts to be kind. I know that when love is lost, it's only fear in disguise. And I guess I've known it all along, the truth is you have to be soft to be strong.

Finally, I feel the fear is gone. I found out love has to be soft to be strong. I believe the world is beautiful, only the weak ones are cruel. I choose to love you without fear, no shame in being sincere.

And I made myself believe other people wanted to hurt me. I took my bitterness and made it sweet, I took a broken heart and made it beat. Somebody hurt me long ago.

And though to heal a heart is slow, it's just a consequence of pain. There is no use in laying blame.

Faust // Froot

I've seen seasons come and go, from winter sun to summer snow. This ain't my first time at the rodeo. Good things come to those who wait, but I ain't in a patient phase.

It's summer time and I hang on the vine, they're gonna make me into sweet red wine. Hanging around like a fruit on a tree, waiting to be picked. Come on, cut me free.

Come on, fill your cup up. Looking for some good luck, good luck to you. Living la dolce vita, life couldn't get much sweeter. Don't you give me a reason that it's not the right season.

Babe, I love you a lot. I'll give you all I've got. Yeah, you know that it's true. I've been saving all my summers for you, like fruit.

Sweet like honeysuckle late at night. Leave it too long, I'll go rot like an apple you forgot. Birds and worms will come for me, the cycle of life is complete.

I'm your carnal flower, I'm your bloody rose. Pick my petals off and make my heart explode. I'm your deadly nightshade, I'm your cherry tree. You're my one true love, I'm your destiny.

Autumn, I'll be gone. Birds will sing their mourning song. Oh, my body is ready for your love. Oh, my branches are heavy. I've been saving all my summers for you like fruit.

Attila // Numb

One track mind like a goldfish, stuck inside my petri-dish. I can't breathe and I can't smile, this better be worth my while. I feel numb most of the time.

Lower I get, the higher I'll climb and I will wonder why. I got dark only to shine, looking for the golden light. Oh, it's a reasonable sacrifice. Forego families, forego friends. It's how it started, how it ends.

I can't open up and cry 'cause I've been silent all my life. I get dark and I'm in hell, I need a friend, but I can't yell. I'm no good to anyone 'cause all I care about is being number one.

I got dark only to shine and I'll light up the sky. Stars that burn the brightest fall so fast and pass you by, cough like empty lighters. I feel numb most of the time. Stars that burn the brightest fall so fast and pass you by, spark like empty lighters.

Manheim // Rootless

I'm a cloud drifting by, dripping tears from the sky. I'm a snail without a shell, a leper with a golden bell. I've got nowhere to go. I'm a stray cat on the roam, choking on a chicken bone.

For a home sweet home, no sweet home. For a root, for a leaf, for a branch, for a tree. For something, somebody, that reminded them of me.

Running with my roots pulled up, caught me cold so they could cut what there was left of love. I'm rootless. Work your fingers to the bone, building castles out of snow.

I'm a nomad walking on, humming to the same old song. Lower case society, tight to no community. A kingdom without a king, with no sense of belonging.

Tracking my roots through the snow. No home sweet and no sweet home. I've got nowhere to go, I'm rootless.

Metalion // Orange Trees

I can see the flowers and the greenery. I take a breath of air, I feel free. Spent so long, was busy chasing happiness when all I needed was a little peace.

Try to get back what we need, living like we're supposed to be. Flowers in my hair, I belong by the sea. Where we used to be, sitting by the orange trees. Summer in the air, bodies in the heat. Just you and me, sitting by the orange trees.

So far away from neon lights and city streets, this is where I used to dream. Been around the world, but I could never replicate the feeling that I get beneath my feet.

Watch the sun go down into the sea, wrap your love around me. Life is beautiful and now you see, this is how it feels to be free.

Blackthorn // Living Dead

Every day, I feel the same, stuck and I can never change. Sucked into a black balloon, spat into an empty room. Was it really worth it? Did I really deserve it?

I haven't lived life, I haven't lived love. Just a bird's eye view from the sky above. I'm dead, I'm living dead. Got bubble wrap around my heart, waiting for my life to start.

But every day, it never comes, permanently at square one. When it's late at night, I'm so dissatisfied. The weight of an empty life will lessen in the moonlight.

I lay back in a glittering mist and I think of all the men I could've kissed. I haven't live my life, I haven't lived love. Only alive when I pretend that I have died.

Ann-Marit // Shampain

Lay dagger dead inside a lonely bed, trying to hide the hole inside my head. Watching the stars slide down to reach their end 'cause sleep is not my friend.

Drinking champagne to forget yesterday 'cause I remember the way it ended the day that I walked away. Drinking champagne made by the angel who goes by the name of Glittering Gabriel.

Drinking champagne made of an angel's tears and pain, now I feel celestial. Elderly stars slide down the lonely sky, slipping away to find a place to die.

I wonder when the night will reach its end 'cause sleep is not my friend. Drinking champagne meant for a wedding, toast to the bride, a fairytale ending. Drinking champagne, a bottle to myself, save the taste of fabricated wealth.

[thegeminisage]

STAR TREK UPDATE TIME. on time for once. last night we did ds9's "homefront" and "paradise lost." im sticking them together since they're essentially a two-parter:

main issue w these episodes is the Message...which is that paranoia bad. and i do agree with that. i think we're talking like more red scare than anything but every time someone said "we can't let fear rule our lives" all i heard was my mom explaining to me why we absolutely needed to start going back out to restaurants in summer of 2020.

it also sort of clashes w sisko's "the problem is earth" speech. like, the idea that because things are SO perfect on earth the people there don't know how to deal with adversity because they've never had to. so the first half of this storyline painted them as bumbling idiots for not realizing the threat was real and yes some lifestyle changes had to be made but the second half of this episode was like sisko you're an IDIOT for falling for this trap you let your own paranoia do the work for you! and i guess that's the "twist" but it also feels like they're trying to have it both ways

some of what ds9 does pretty well is deconstruct the idea of starfleet and the federation as a utopia...these episodes seemed to scoff at that notion, like, of COURSE utopia is real, and you guys with you "war" and you "real problems" almost ruined it!!

like, sorry, but odo's right. there literally is still at least one changeling on earth. are we doing fuck all about that or what. no you can't blood test everybody and jump at shadows but ???

b plot: i like grandpa jope, but he scared me. he showed up and he was sick and i had to pause the episode to make sure he didn't die. i would have stopped dead in the middle

he reminds me of my own mom, who also doesn't <3 take care of herself. but you can see so much of sisko in him and it's easy to understand where sisko got so much of his personality

i wish we had gotten to meet sisko's sister! seemed weird that if you can beam to anywhere instantly she wouldn't come for a visit when he is on earth so rarely :(

ALSO HI NOG. i love that he became a regular here just because he knew the owner's grandson and now this guy has to prepare bugs for him even though this isn't that kind of joint.

i guessed as soon as they were mentioned that the red squad were changelings and they turned out not to be but they WERE up to no good so i get Points.

also oooooh when that other changeling was mean to odo. oooh that was so evil and fun

HI. ALSO. ODO LETTING HIMSELF BE EXPERIMENTED ON...HE GOT SHOT 13 TIMES

i'm glad he was able to call it quits when HE wanted AND that they said thank you. you can't just do that to him that's his trauma!!!!!

i loved getting to see him transform into so much stuff...i feel like it's been forever. seagull odo my beloved <3

TONIGHT: voy's "prototype" and "alliances."

[iguessitsjustme]

work rant feel free to ignore i just need to get this out of my brain before i esplode:

My job not having any social media presence actually drives me insane...I'm going to try to rant without giving away where I work but my god. I work for an extremely well known (at least in the USA) organization and there's a lot of misinformation flying around out there and we do have a website, but just a website. That no one goes to or looks at unless they call and we direct them to exactly what they're looking for because they ask if we have it written down anywhere.

And I think it's incredibly...obtuse...to not have any presence at all. I'm not saying we need to have an extremely loud and huge presence. But even just like an official reddit or an official tiktok (we do have a twitter kind of but it is never used and I honest to god don't think anyone has access to it anymore) and even if those pages just have the most basic information on it, I think that would help. Just like "here's a link to our website. Here's our phone number. Here's which department handles what if you want to be asked for that specific department." I spend so much of my day on the phone with people that have questions that are so easily answered by just going on our website but no one does. Also don't even get me started on what they did to the website it looks like it got hacked now but it didn't.

This is a strange work rant for a Sunday night but I find myself annoyed. My coworkers and I send each other reddit posts of people misunderstanding things. I mean, they are willfully misunderstanding things they were previously informed of. In writing. But if we really want to make it better and more accessible for people, I think having the information presented in multiple ways would be best. Especially when we're dealing with children. These kids are on reddit and on tiktok and on twitter and they have questions and they are more likely going to go searching in those places to find information. And there are people that claim themselves as experts on all of those platforms but none of them work for or have previously worked for my organization. So they don't know. So these kids are getting incorrect information and then I get angry parents and children on the phone because they listened to the wrong person or organization and I'm standing by our policy and our rules and they don't like that.

Also sometimes they aren't angry on the phone because they were misinformed about something saying that they can't do this this or that and it turns out they can. And if they hadn't called they would have entirely missed the opportunity because they're going to the wrong sources because we, as an organization, refuse to be the source on a different platform other than our own.

And I get it. They don't want to hire someone to be the social media person because we are small and don't have the budget for that. But it's 2024. There are many people. Many staff. That have a lot of downtime (not my department unless it's the summer) and this could be the perfect task to give them. Even if it's just coming up with ideas to present. Not even necessarily filming anything. And videos don't need to show anyone's face or voice. We could literally do the most basic shit and it would be beneficial. It would count down on the number of calls we get and my coworkers and I would have time to do our jobs instead of spending half our time on the phone (do not ask how behind we are because it is sad).

There's something else I want to say about a different organization that I think this would help with but I cannot say without giving away where I work and also I can't bitch about our partner without causing problems. But if you live in the USA, you know about our partner, and I guarantee you hate them. But not as much as me. Never as much as me.

[psychelis-new]

how do you deal with self doubts/ overthinking?

This is gonna be long, especially cause both can be caused by many different things (gaslight, lack of self confidence, past traumas to name a few).

First of all, understand that it's okay. We all end up there in a way or another. And then, try to ground yourself, breath or just try to disconnect for a little: counting to 5 or 10 can be of help in leaving the overthinking and trying to work on the current thoughts you're having. Overthinking is often caused by our minds (subconscious), playing on our fears, and making us believe to some random stories they make up (and we believe cause they seem reasonable) to keep us stuck in an appareant comfort zone or, simply, blocking us for the same reason. Overthinking often originates from triggers (something you hear, read, feel and makes you spiral) or even just when you're too tired or overwhelmed (even by noises, people, smells...).

Try to give yourself breaks, to comfort yourself and be compassionate. And then find out the root cause of your problem. Why you have this specific doubt about yourself? Is it born from what belief? Is it true and reasonable (objectively)? How does it feel in your body? Our bodies often are outlets for our feelings (so you may get chills, cry, stomachaches...). Don't let negative thoughts rot inside, let them out. Choose an outlet: move, dance, sing, draw... anything you want (moving/walking/dancing/stretching can be of help in letting stuff float away).

Whatever you may have doubts on, it's very likely just plain bs. No matter what your mind, people around you and/or any society's standard (which change through times and therefore are unreal) wants you to believe: you're as perfect as you like yourself. There's nothing to really doubt about yourself (but again, it's common to be insecure). Just try, try to see yourself from another point of view: give yourself credit for all that you've done and all that you are, remember all the compliments you already got (on what you do/have done, your character and appearance), and believe that if there's anything you're not happy about (YOU and not someone else), you have the power to change it. Remember that things can and will change anyway, and you can do that anytime, just take a leap. You don't need to be ready to do something and you don't have to be scared of failing cause that's just a way to learn.

Try to accompany every negative thought or sentence you are telling yourself with a more compassionate one. If you say "I don't like my smile" add, for example "But I love to show the world I'm happy and cheerful and I know my smile can brighten others' day". You can play anyway you want with words, just remember to find balance between negative self talk and positive, until it will become more natural. This is valid also with feelings like "not being enough". Ask yourself: "compared to who/what?" Usually we compare ourselves with unreal standards or people that are just not us and that we don't even know fully (100%): how can we compare our full self to someone else's 20% we know? People wear masks, and we don't know them fully, we don't know their demons, their real life... we can't really compare with others. We're just all different. Your different you is what makes you special. Try to convince your mind of this. Give yourself time, be patient and try to not rush things: we can change our thoughts, but we need time to do so.

I read some people use to record affirmations and listen to them when they need. It can be of help. Find your own way out of that, and remember your worth. Show yourself you deserve love and appreciation (drink water, have fun, do anything you like and makes you feel alive), no matter that little thing you can't seem to appreciate: others may find it amazing. But again, others opinions are really so important or it's your opinion that matters the most? Is this doubt something that really prevents you from enjoying your life or is it just a "fear/thought" that has no real objective proof? As you don't know others, they don't know you if not from what you let them see of you.. so is their opinion always true and valuable? Honor yourself, take care of yourself, body, spirit and mind. Stay safe okay?

@jsjusjzzj this is basically what I do. I try to disconnect from the overthinking, try to see myself from another more compassionate point of view and check if what I'm thinking is objective or just some made up toxic thoughts/belief... and try to remind myself that nobody is actually perfect on this planet. But everyone of us has their own way to deal with this impportant topic, so I rather give you a wider explanation... maybe someone needed to read this. BTW crying is good, just always let it all out but also find way to get over that, or you'll never move on from this fear and it may even come to a point in which it'll make you self sabotage

[facultativeactivity]

'Is something wrong?' (generic) or 'Did I upset you?' (more direct) while not perfect, I feel like have a better chance of working instead of triggering a knee-jerk 'fuck off' answer. Maybe because these put the person less on the spot.

Let's say they really are angry. Moreover, lets assume the worse that they're mad at us. That sucks, but it happens. Friction is a normal thing in human relationships.

Now, being angry is an extremely vulnerable emotional state. When someone feels vulnerable, pointing that out will, most of the time, make them feel even more vulnerable. And what is one of the most common emotional responses to feeling vulnerable? Yep, jackpot! It's anger.

Other than that, anger is also very heavily stigmatized by society. Showing anger can get you labeled as aggressive, dangerous, abusive, or just straight-up evil. I'm pretty sure almost everyone treats their own anger with some level of internalized shame because of that. Being the first to lose your temper in a conflict will almost exclusively get you shamed for it, and anything others did that got you to that point will be most likely exempted for the sake of your taboo-braking act of showing anger. Angry people will be almost universally shown to be either aggressors, or just too childish to handle the situation as they should, but they almost never, ever will be seen as being right.

So, while wanting to know if you made someone angry is completely reasonable, and asking "are you mad at me?" is supposed to be the best course of action in a perfect world, in our imperfect world it's way too easy to read that as "are you victimizing me with your evil, aggressive emotions?" even if nothing like that even crossed our mind when asking it.

So yeah, if the goal is to de-escalate a tense situation with a loved one, which I'm assuming is the context of the original post, then it's best to avoid wording that points out that they're visibly angry, as it makes them feel less safe, and can evoke situations where they were seen as the bad guy before.

One thing we could ask which does none of that is "Did I do something (wrong)?" and that's already much better than "Are you mad at me?" But it has one flaw - while it has an 'I' it doesn't have a 'you', and thus it only emphasizes our perspective in the situation. Again, that's normal. We all experience life from a first-person view so it's natural that in most cases we want information regarding how things affect us, and how we affect other things. Putting ourselves into someone else's shoes is part of the everyday back and forth between human beings, but when someone is angry, and especially if they're mad at us, they will be much less inclined to view things from our perspective than usual, and asking them to do so might just make them want to end the situation altogether (hence, fuck off reaction)

So waaaaait... we can't emphasize them (since that makes them feel vulnerable and possibly judged) but we also can't emphasize ourselves (since that makes them feel ignored) so what we can say?

"Is something wrong?" is a pretty safe bet. It completely de-emphasizes the participants ('me' and 'you') and takes a holistic approach instead. Is something wrong in this situation? > Is there something we need to fix? >> (Preferably, together?) Zero judgement, maximum productivity - sweet! It's problem is that it's very generic and thus extremely easy to brush off

"Did I upset you?" is much harder to dodge but it's also much more of a gamble too. We're actually asking them here to admit how they feel - wait, wasn't that a big no-no before? Because we don't want them to feel worse and stuff?

Well yeah. But this approach does a lot to soften that blow. First, using the word 'upset' instead of 'mad' or 'angry' already makes it less likely to evoke judgement, even though that wouldn't do much against brushing off on its own.

The big thing here is that we're offering a fair deal. Yes, we ask them to reveal their emotional state to us - which is a big big investment of trust on their part. But we do invest about the same amount of trust in them by suggesting that we might be on the wrong. That's a pretty big thing in interpersonal stuff, even if it's just theoretical! And much more importantly, by framing it that way, we basically promise them a fair trial a healthy discussion where they won't be immediately cast into the bad guy box for the crime of feeling anger.

They should make a "are you mad at me" that is taken neutrally and informationally every time and doesn't make everything worse when you ask it

[maureenalipio]

What's going on lately... (Part 2)

As we go along with life, you will never run out of problems, heartbreaks, and disappointments. There was this book that I read in which the author says to never wish a life that has no problems. It's not always that you will only go through ups. You MUST have downs, with that said this will make you stronger like a rock that turns into a diamond. Avoiding problems will also take you to more problems and it would cause a lot in your mental health.

I've been through a heartbreak/huge disappointment recently to a specific bond with this person. I met this person at my first job, he was my leader. I had a huge crush on him and we got close to a point that I didn't realized I was too attached already. He is a good person a good friend. We had a lot of memories during the time that I was still working with him. Suddenly, I didn't notice that I was falling. At the time we were both struggling with our own lives, there was this one time, that I went by to his house because I didn't know what to do anymore, I was about to end my life. I thought about going to him maybe he could help me, and he showed up. I was struggling about my role as a trainer and having problems at home at the same time. He was there to lift me up though he was at his low point at that time as well, I really admired him for this. We always go out to eat and talk about everything we can talk about. I've known him as a person who doesn't go with this colleagues for outside shift shenanigans'. Until such day, his new team had grew into a circle of friends. His team calls me "Mimau" like Mommy Mau, and I felt considered and belonged. At my part I was also glad because I actually do not have an actual group of people at the office. I only go to work and focus on what I should do and the same goes for him, he opened up and said "Nilabas niyo ang kulit ko" and it was so good to hear. We had this like deal that we're here for each other and I felt safe whenever I was with him, like in a rainy day in my car at Antipolo City while eating ice cream and talk about our lives or going on an arcade at a mall at his place. He loved that place. I listened to his funny stories, wisdom, and rants, and I always loved that. The simple things we do, was really treasurable for me. I really loved the feeling of taking care of him, and it wasn't a big deal for me.

Until such time that things got quite complicated, I hear a lot of bad things about him that makes me wonder if it was really true. At that point as well, I was going through some symptoms of depression and anxiety due to what's happening on my workplace and family problems. Part of it about him as well, it really adds up to my anxiety that caused me to overthink. I was never an overthinker before, but it just so happens that I turned to be one. I left my job, and I still get in touch with him but I still hear a lot of things that I can't believe. I still try to give the benefit of the doubt and try to protect him still, and one thing that people always tell me, "Get over him". I reassessed all over the things we had, and asked myself why do I need to get over him, and I slowly came to realize that I was really attached to this person, and was all blinded and neglected all the warning signs from this person. I know for a fact that he also has his reason why things happen on his part, and I was just really disappointed because he made me believe that he was all different from anyone else. I really looked up to him. I was though inspired to this person. That's when I learned that to never expect and you must only believe them when they actually practiced what they preached. People ain't perfect you know, but the fact that they made you believe that they are like this and all that, it would lead you to HUGE disappointments. I also learned to care less than I used to, and I wanted to think of myself even more.

I came to decide, to cut him off for a moment. I wasn't angry at him at all. I just needed to remove the attachment that I had with this person. Which was a huge mistake for me to get attached. It was so hard for me because in a span of a year and a half, I was there for him and now I have to slowly delete the cycle in my mind of this person whom I still don't know if it's true if he really did cared for me. I poured out all my courage and strength to say all the things that I wanted and the last message he replied struck me the most, "Go take your time to redeem yourself". I felt like he didn't want me to go, but I feel like I must do this for me. I felt like this is not good anymore. It was so heartbreaking that even at work or even walking on a sunny day, I randomly cry. I isolated myself from people because I am slowly becoming a monster and a toxic person, I became this person who passes negative energy, and at that point people were avoiding me and worst I loss some people. I became the person who I said I am not going to be. There was also one instance at work that I requested to switch mentors during my training because the way my mentor coaches reminds me of him in which makes me distracted and never really learn the work that I needed to do, it gave me a lot of anxiety as well. I felt bad because he was a really good mentor but I need to focus since I am eager to get certified at this company because it supplies my health needs. The good thing was he really appreciated me for opening up and for being honest. Now we are close friends, and she's my "yosi buddy".

In a span of time, I still have this symptom of depression and anxiety. I felt like everything was useless and going to work and taking a shower or even waking up feels like a chore. I was also isolating myself and was so quiet that I wanted to hurt myself again. I've had a lot of intrusive thoughts that my body is shivering and having a hard time going to sleep. There was this time that I couldn't sleep for almost a week and my body and brain still works actively. Until such time that I decided to get myself checked because it's already affecting my physical health, funny enough that I took a major in psychology and it happens that I will be an outpatient to an institution that I've dreamt of applying for an on-the-job training back in college. I consulted with a psychiatrist and figured out that I had this depression that wasn't clearly treated and now Bipolar symptoms were also occurring. I really had high temper and low patience as I observed. I always burst out of the blue and sometimes I go through a dark state in which I have the potential to hurt myself again. I've been like this since 2017, but never really had the guts to seek help. In the Philippines, mental health isn't really treated as though it's also a medical condition. They see it as a hoax or "pag-iinarte". They see mental health conditions visible in which if the individual is already like talking to himself or dancing around in public naked all in dirt for example. My family is not really a believer in mental health problems, in fact one time in 2017, I was rushed to the emergency room because I was hyperventilating and trembling. The doctor on duty advised to consult with a psychiatrist. My parents mocked me and laughed at me as if I'm just acting up. At that point, I never really opened up to my parents till then. It was really hard for me because no one understands you, your friends were there to listen but they don't actually understood as well. Now that I have the guts and I didn't bothered anymore to what people might say or think because I know that this is for my own sake. I was also struck to this generation that mental health is finally acknowledged but sadly, due to scarcity of facilities and specialists, treatments are very expensive and limited here in the Philippines.

Now, I am taking medical prescriptions like mood stabilizers and anti-depressants which are very expensive and I've been helping myself by reading self-help books that actually calms my mind and I really learn a lot of things! I was also glad that I've tried to seek help to my current company I'm in about my current condition and they are here to give options to help me without getting anything out of your pocket. I am very grateful that I am in a better place, and I want to keep in mind that there are things that I couldn't control and I only want to focus and appreciate the things that I have right now. My friends, my mom, my brother, and my cats. Some things may go or must need to let go for the better and it will actually turn out as a huge lesson for us. I am still on the process of moving on and gaining strength, I go out with friends and family from time to time, go on me-time dates and eat at restaurants that are part of my bucket lists. Though I still get relapses and kind of miss the person, and I still have this hope to see him again soon, but surely by that time, I will make sure that I am stronger and already healed. I hope he does too on his silent battles.

One thing that people must know that mental health matters and it is something that also needs attention just as the same with any other medical conditions. You may see people who functions well but you wouldn't really know what they are actually going through. So to anyone as well that might need to seek professional help but hesitant because of what other people might say or think, do it if there's a chance. It's for your own good. Help yourself and speak now before it's too late. Also, for everyone who is lucky enough for not having to go through this, let me tell you this, everyone has their battles to deal with, be fuckin' nice.

[floatingstirnerhead]

I don't think there's one clear answer, I'm not going to pretend to know enough about electricity and industrial infrastructure to write a clear program of "what must be done". All I know is that the way we treat the earth and those marginal to power is unacceptable, and work from there.

Call it green austerity, but we do have to accept that production has limits, that things need to be slower, that the lights can't stay on all the time, that we actually can't have everything we want the second we want it. That seems pretty unavoidable.

What I do know about is food and agriculture, it's what I study; so let's use it as an example. Did you know that ~50% of the grain grown in North America doesn't make it to the consumer? That we produce so much cheese that we're running out of places to put it? You ever see the dumpster behind a bakery or a grocery store? That's not even touching the whole vegan debate with how much land goes to animal feed so we can have meat on demand.

We overproduce goods to an astronomical degree, to the point that it stretches my limits to even conceptualize it. This is still talking about necessities, without having to get into the weeds about what we "really need". Once you start looking at the dizzying amount of waste that occurs in just the food system, I just don't think that we really need austerity to deal with these issues.

What we have to do is throw the whole capitalist model into the sea, holding land in common for our own use rather than commodity production. We need to respect that plants and animals are living beings and not objects to be trampled over, because our current model is not about efficiently meeting demand, it's about shareholder value and power.

What can we personally do? Again I don't have all the answers, but I say invest in what's around you, the people and places that are real to you. Become more capable; I got really fascinated with permaculture but there are a million and one ways to do it without constant buying. Find ways to keep the world biodiverse while getting what you need, because I do not believe it is a contradiction. If you love people and you love the earth it will love you back. I'm sorry if that feels insufficient but it's all I can offer; it's an enormous problem.

TL;DR there are two sides to it. The first is that I reject the idea that destroying capitalism means a reduction in living standards. The second is that yes, we need to not expect 24/7 drone delivery and $5 hamburgers and pitch perfect climate control. We have to be tougher and live within our limits, but our limits are quite a bit wider than I think most people imagine.

Isn't it crazy how there's no way or expanding power generation without destroying entire ecosystems and poisoning marginal communities? Maybe we should reduce our reliance on it. People in rural communities are not disposable and neither is the earth.