#i go there and i want to cry because i recognize the humanity thats there and i suddenly feel empathy again

[porcelain-rob0t]

you go to medical anomaly museums out of morbid curiosity and to test your squeamishness, i go to medical anomaly museums to have a profound feeling of empathy and connection to my fellow human being across time and medical science. we are not the same.

[parkcivconfess]

not freaky (for once…) but i think red evbo has serious self hating problems. i bet he fucking despises parkciv evbo for being the creators favourite, for being the most popular because thats all HE ever wanted to be. i bet he despises pvpciv evbo for being the “chosen one” even if he knows its only in his simulation, thats what red evbo wanted to be his whole life. he just wants to be chosen by the creator.

do you think he made himself unable to have negative emotions, unable to cry or really ever be vulnerable with someone just to make himself more “perfect”. but he still feels everything. he’s not even human, he knows he’s not. he messes around in his own coding, trying to rewrite it and make it more like parkciv evbo’s but he just can’t. it never works, he still feels and acts the same like nothing ever happened.

what if he finally has a breakdown. he’s ruined his code so much he can’t even cry yet he still feels like he is. he feels every emotion ten times more even though he isn’t supposed to feel them at all. what if someone finds him like this, what if one of his EMPLOYEES finds him like this?? they’re going to think so lowly of him. all he wants is to be perfect but he can’t even be okay.

(((((what if seawatt finds him. the person he’s worked with the most, the person he’s known the longest. his favourite actor. evbo is terrified when he sees him walk through the door, even with that mask and uniform he recognizes seawatt instantly. he tries to seem fine, he tries to wipe away the glitched tears from his face but he fails at that too. like he does at everything. seawatt takes his mask off and evbo prepares to be degraded but all he can see on the other’s expression is worry. like seawatt actually cares about him. but surely it’s just pity. he really is pathetic, what is there not to pity? he lets seawatt try to comfort him only for a moment before coming to his senses. he kicks him out of his office before he could see new tears forming in his eyes.)))))

seawatt totally picked the lock and they had yaoi after...

OUHHHHH i love this. so much . it's beautiful

[fictionfixations]

part 3 of me going through the new book 7 update

part 1 (short where i ended after running out of mystium)

part 2 (after i got more mystium, now im doing rest of the story as im FREE of the battlemap)

heres your reminder that in the wish upon a star event lilia has a wish for humans and fae to be able to co-exist

...

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU okay im sorry i cant hold myself back i HATE these guys with a passion and you guys will too its just an instinctive reaction at this point

YOU SHUT UP ALL YOU CAN DO IS BLABBER BUT YOU CANT DO SHIT! TELL ME IF YOU WERE THERE ON THE BATTLEFIELD WOULD YOU HAVE DONE ANYTHING OR WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN JUST A BURDEN THAT DRAGGED EVERYBODY DOWN? YOU PRAISE MALEANOR FOR STANDING HER GROUND AGAINST HUMANS AND CALL IT NOBLE BUT SHE FUCKING DIED

bro if you had a face to punch in i would. oh wait. youre already dead.

now act like it and shut up dude

NOOO MALLEUS

egg-sama dont go :(((

LILIA PLEASE

genuinely i have to wonder how lilia survived after this, before malleus was born, having all this guilt and self-hatred for failing :(

ruining the mood here but oh my GOD I hate the blind debuff YOU FHEWUISHFSUIHFUH DUDE

D:

in the 10 years since maleanor died its been changed from briarland to briar valley.

malleus lasting so long because lilia tells him to. also his egg is glowing and idk if thats like some morse code idk what its saying

yippee places of other events appearing. now we just need event characters to appear

AHHHH joSAIHDJOAJDIj. hes singing the song hfsuidfh. it sounds different, probably because hes not used to singing it. but then when he sings it to silver it sounds.. smoother??

that he got his signature spell because he wanted for any scrap of information on how to hatch a dragon egg, that he'll take anything

..EIGHTY YEARS???? sorry im not sending as many screenshots because im trying not to cap it

HARVESTONNN

i need a fic where lilia joins them on like the trip to harveston and maybe he gets like vaguely recognized, maybe like cause it was spoken of that they found this fae or like they had an image or something and its fluff times.

well its been 270-ish years since then but come on :(

wait could this be lilia?

eggsama WHAT ARE YOU SAYING. YOU KEEP GLOWING. and its not skippable (what i do is tap to see all the dialogue and then tap past it cause i read fast instead of waiting)

MALLEUS!?!?!?

notice the emblem lilia usually has is gone because he stopped being a general (actually i cant show a before and after but if you scroll up theres an image of him with the emblem on his chest)

"My magic, my remaining lifespan..."

lilia, is that why youre going to die early? is that what you described when you said you were like. adventurous or something like that (i forgot what he said exactly) in your youth?

im going to cry again this is unfair

they dont deserve my words.

..SHUT THE FUCK UP- okay CALM im CALM.

AHHHHH IM NOT CALM

sorry breaking the mood but 'you truly are poor sleepers' sounds funny to me and i cant explain why. its like. malleus simplifying it so much that it sounds dumb

youd know wouldnt you sebek? because your existence literally means you are loved 🥺

💀

lilia...

WHY ARE WE FIGHTING HIM AGAIN MALLEUS PLEASEE can we just skip over this battle we already know we wont win 😭😭😭

RETRY TICKET?? IM SUPPOSED TO WIN?? WHAT?? guys what the fuck no wait i think im supposed to endure for 5 turns

dude wh at

what even happens if you use a retry ticket wtfs the point???

WHAT DO YOU MEAN. IM SORRY????? STOP GIVING ME THE RETRY TICKET WHAT

giving myself the most hp i can to try to endure cause holy fuck what do you mean RETRY TICket?

okay. i did it. i got so confused because i made it to turn 5 and on the very last attack died and it hit me wtih a retry ticket but you just had to win by enduring his attacks for 5 turns, no dying

good thing i got a lot of healing units with a shit ton of hp but holy fuck i was boutta throw hands like what do you MEAN win against a 300k enemy who can heal all of his health back

aight we're dipping out of lilia's dream now WOo that was long

ORTHO

dude is this the first time we actually see the ignihyde dorm background (in main story i mean). cause like. we didnt see ignihyde at all really we were in styx the whole time in book 6

ok that tracks considering we were all the way in book 7 and we got hit with the title screen

THATS

THATS THE END oh.

[sekhithefops]

The Best Games I Played in 2024

So, its been a crazy ass year huh? Great year to say "fuck this, I want to find a good video game and basically hide in it until the real world is less fucked up than the one with monsters and wizards and shit."

Well, as the year draws to a close and with that thought fresh in our minds now, here's my favorite ten games of 2024. A few ground rules.

This is in NO particular order of best to worst, this is just the ones that stood out in my memories this year.

This is for games I personally played in 2024. Some came out before 2024, but I didn't play them until now so it counts.

These are for the games I liked. Some will be Triple-A, some will be Indies, some will be full release, some will be Early Access.

There MAY be spoilers for some games. If this is an issue, exits over there thank you for stopping by.

Ready, here we go then.

Final Fantasy XVI

Having literally just finished this game at time of writing, I can say that it may well be one of my favorite entries to the series now and I cannot for the life of me work out why the fuck this game was so divisive among the fanbase.

I will say this is the darkest Final Fantasy has been story wise since the infamous Type 0 which literally opens like Anime Apocalypse Now, but it also has plenty of moments of levity to balance out the darker spots.

Its not Turn Based Combat, but it is combat directed by Ryota Suzuki, whose name you may recognize if you're familiar with a certain red-coated white haired swordsman with a fondness for pizza. Thats right, same guy who did Devil May Cry V's combat. If you enjoyed beating the everloving hell out of everything as Dante, you might want to consider this one.

But yes, I genuinely consider this one of my favorite entries out of the FF series now. I mean, it literally ends with you punching God in the face.

I'm not kidding, I screenshotted it.

Personally, I really had fun with it and I'm interested to see what the Seventeenth installment will bring... in about 4-5 years give or take.

Metaphor ReFantazio

Good year for RPGs from our friends across the Pacific wasn't it? Metaphor is a story about a young man named Will (or whatever name you gave him) who travels the world on a quest to become elected king because of a giant floating face in the sky telling everyone thats how it works now, while beating up monsters based on the works of Dutch painter Hieronymus Bosch that, as it turns out, are the mad remnants of humanity following a war that ended the old world.

Yeah its a weird game... and basically Persona. But still a decent one.

Only complaint I had was that they didn't stick the landing and the final dungeon was such an ordeal I just said 'screw this noise' and went off to do something else. Sorry Will, looks like your country is screwed. Good luck with that.

Resident Evil Village

Yeah, I know. I just now got to Lady Dimitrescu and her big Mommy Milkers. Theres a lot of games out there and only so many hours in the day okay?

Still I'm glad I got there eventually. While I played through VII as well I found the villains from that one ultimately forgettable and the game itself... not bad but I'd played better.

Village however was absolutely the shot in the arm the series needed. The perfect mix of disturbing horror with the monster baby, the puppet creatures, and the like, and the campy batshittery with bombastic villains like Karl "Hillbilly Magneto" Heisenberg who is now a personal favorite of mine.

Outstanding job on this one Capcom, please don't fuck up RE IX okies?

Enshrouded

If you know me you know I'm a sucker for a good survival crafting game. Mix in RPG elements and set it infront of me and five weeks later the police call off the search and give me up for dead.

Enshrouded is a great title, still in early access mind but with a ton of wonderful ideas behind it and I'm very eager to see where the devs are going with all this.

A high fantasy game where you can focus on being a big burly warrior, a cunning rogue with daggers and bow, a mighty sorcerer, or a little of each as you try to rebuild the world and create your own happy little village to survive the apocalypse... with an actual village infact. Normally I don't like survival games with NPC supporters (I find they get in the way as often as not) but somehow Enshrouded did it right. Good job guys.

SPEAKING OF SUCH GAMES...

Nightingale

If Enshroued fits me gameplay wise, this is a game that fits me perfectly in terms of genre and theme, and potentially gameplay eventually.

I am a massive massive massive geek for anything fae-themed. Changeling the Lost/Dreaming? Hell yes. Seanen McGuire's October Daye series? Gimme. Pan's Labyrinth? Wunderbar!

I love survival crafting games as I mentioned above.

And anything with a unique clothing aesthetic has my attention immediately. MMOs get me with this all the time with WoW's transmog and FFXIV's glamour system.

So a game that's dripping with fae lore, a survival crafting title, and set in the Victorian era?

(art by @xhyperwolfx )

Yep, if I'm abandoned by the authorities for Enshrouded, then for Nightingale I'll be off with the faeries and won't reappear for a century like Rip Van Winkle.

Its not perfect yet, but the dev team is doing their damndest and after the last major update I'm very interested to see whats coming next.

Aces & Adventures

This one I had almost forgotten about, but just seeing it in my Steam list again makes me want to play it.

A card game RPG where you take a deck of 52 poker cards and, indeed, go on adventures using them. Pick one of five classes and sally forth to see the world with a lovely narration and a story that appears to be looping on itself with each retelling.

I'm best with the mage myself, but I'm kind of wanting to try other ones too. I can definitely say it's a favorite of mine now and one I recommend for gamers on a budget.

Palworld

And as far as I'm concerned Nintendo is just being a little bitch because PocketPair did so many things fans have been asking them to do for years that they had to pull out a bullshit lawsuit.

Palworld is an explorative game with survival crafting elements and collection RPG elements (yes collection RPGs like Shin Megami Tensei, Digimon Story, and ALL THE OTHER ONES THAT NINTENDO IS CONVENIENTLY IGNORING DO THE SAME THING POKEMON DO YES I'M SALTY) where you wash up on a beach, find a tablet, and then say 'eh, may as well catch 'em all.'

Then team up with them all, have them all help you build a base, have them all let you ride them around the world, have them all even pick up a gun themselves and watch a magical squirrel bust a cap in someone's ass.

Still in early access as well, but I have high hopes that they'll weather the storm of Nintendo's little 'waaaaah we wanna be king shit' tantrum and come out the other side better than before.

Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous

I didn't really get into this one until 2024 and bigods I'm sorry to Owlcat for taking so damn long. An outstanding CRPG with a downright dizzying number of possible character builds with around two dozen classes and a dozen archetypes for each, a story based on the Pathfinder Adventure Module of the same name, and a well imagined Mythic Path system where you can literally play god by the end of the game.

Want to be an undead gnome? Well oogity boogity m'lads!

A half orc bard who is becoming a fae lord? Why the hell not!

A dwarven herbalist who rides around on a wolf because of his crippled back and makes healing salves out of magic plants? Godspeed ya mad bastard!

I kept starting over because I kept getting new ideas for new characters to be and come up with stories for and if you've ever glanced at my writing projects like Adventures in Azeroth...

... read my godsdamn fanfic... o_o

Anyways, point is, if something grabs my story brain that thing is basically going to live rent free in my head for the rest of my life.

Their follow up to this, Warhammer 40k Rogue Trader, wasn't bad at all... but Pathfinder was a lot more fun and I do hope Owlcat return to the world of Golaria someday.

SandLand

Out of all of Toryama's properties (miss ya big guy) I would never have thought SandLand would have gotten more than maybe a tiny mobile game tie in.

Instead it got a huge explorative action RPG with some great voice acting (though they could stand the option to tone down the tank chatter,) a bright colorful world, and an interesting story that actually continues on AFTER the end of the short-lived comic series he did for Shonen Jump back in the day.

A surprise I had not expected, but a title I grew to love. I never got around to finishing it and I feel like I should really do something about that someday soon.

Pacific Drive

Easily the most unique and surreal game I've played in the past several years. You wind up in a bizarre exclusion zone where reality has gone all wibbly wobbly on you, bound to an apparently sentient station wagon, and now you have to customize and prepare it to drive across the ruined wastelands in the hopes that you can escape back to civilization.

And... thats it. Drive around and explore, avoid reality warping insanity, and keep your car in one piece as it is your only means of protection and conveyance.

Sounds simple, but its anything but. Hazards will do tons of hurt to your little four door (and indeed may reduce the number of doors entire,) you have to constantly scavenge for bits to repair the car, build tools, and new gear, and there's areas where if you stay out too long you run the risk of a rather unfortunate fate... though whether thats death via radiation sickness or being transformed into a rubber duck is a detail the game never goes into.

An outstandingly imaginative title that I recommend to anyone who loves exploration, or just always wanted to customize a car.

And thats my 2024 in review. Thank you for joining me, and here's hoping I get to do a 2025 in review before the downfall of western civilization due to a combination of climate change disasters, social unrest, and having re-elected an orange clown to the White House.

Happy new year everyone!

[the1975attheirverybest]

Hiiii

I’ve just had an idea for a fic but it’s so self-serving I’m not sure if anyone would read it and even though I know writing should first and foremost be for yourself I don’t know how to handle not getting views/interaction with my work bc I’m nothing but a perfectionist.

What do you do when you have an idea that you don’t think others will like as much? Do you post it anyway or just keep it to drafts? This would also be my first piece of fic in 2 years so yeah kinda nervy

-♥️

AWWW THATS SO EXCITING THAT YOU ARE WRITINH AFTER 2 YEARS!!’

To answer your question: I cry. Lol. I’m only half kidding.

No, for real. I get what you mean, and I’m not gonna say it doesn’t get to me. You can see for yourself here.

The hard truth about tumblr is that for the most part, people are here for two kinds of things: short writing (the internet has truly ruined our attention spans), and smut. So those tend to be the kinds of things that get the most attention.

Longer things, or things that require some kind of concentration, or “serious” things don’t really get much. I know for a fact that with the two series that I’ve written, some folks skim. Jump ahead to the smut or the scenes they wanna see and only kind of skip the rest. And, yeah, sure, writing should be first and foremost for yourself. But it’s a human thing for your ego to get stuck in it too. When we work hard on something we kind of wanna know that others can recognize our hard work reflected in what we do. Or when we do something that we think is good, we hope that others like it as much as we do. And when that doesn’t happen, it stings.

But idk about you. I’m the sort of person who can’t do something that I’m not interested in. Like if I tried to write something because I know it’s the sort of writing that people want to read, it feels like fuckin torture. My heart isn’t in it. Neither is my focus or concentration. And then if it gets the praise that I knew it was going to get, it feels so cheap and dirty and unwarranted. I HATE it. I’m never proud of anything that I’ve only written cuz someone wanted me to. No matter how many views it gets.

So, I’d say, just write what YOU want to write. If nobody else likes it at least you do! And you know how much hard work and thought went into it. (And then send it to me cuz I’d love to read it!!!!)

[pixelchills]

I read the newest chapter and honestly found it kind of comical how passive Sunrise is

Like

Harriet; Literally eating him alive

Sun; “Ow…Stop that. That really hurts you know…You’re being really rude. Hey-ow! Now that was uncalled for! Stop that!”

Also apparently with humans extreme distress can cause nausea from the adrenaline(as it works out of the system), especially in people with weak stomachs, so I just imagine Sun getting back to Roxy’s room, immediately puking in the sink, then going back to incoherently crying. Why? I don’t know probably because that’s what I’d do aside from resorting to cannibalism way too quickly.

Another interesting human fact-Their mouths are full of bacteria meant to help break down food as well as other bacteria that assists the immune system in keeping bad germs out of the rest of the body. The problem with that is that unfortunately it makes human bites a way bigger problem than one would think since the body recognizes it enough to not immediately attack it but the bacteria isn’t returning the favor. Interesting fact for ya!

Sunrise is just... passive. Yeah. He was created to be more dependant on others as a 'remake' of Solar, who wanted to be wayyy to independant... so Sun is just a little... dummy by his core XD

Also yeah, I'm aware of both of your points here, but Sun didn't really have anything in his stomach at that point it had been like 23 hours since his last meal (which he already puked out earlier).

And yes, because human bodies don't recognise the human bite as a threat, thats exactly why the virus spreads so quickly... their bodies just don't recognise the human bacteria mixed with the zombie virus.

Animutants however, are not humans, so their bacteria is different. For animutants, a human bite is more like an animal bite to human; not so lethal or "confusing" to the body. :>

[rainbowgod666]

Warning: this is a massive joke based entirely on this video by Red Overlysarcasticproductions (here known as @comicaurora. Yes thats why the artstyle of Aurora is so familiar, congratulations you can recognize patterns and are on the same level as a crow) (crows are cool so its fine 🐦‍⬛)

Stranger in a strange land except yours truly wrote it

1) Micheal is SO BLATANTLY the definition of femboy he gets (IN THE DAMN BOOK) a Fuckton Of Porn Of Him (Which he *likes* for reasons unknown even for ME)

"doesnt understand lying" and then he gets it and he SWEARS UP A FUCKING CATEGORY 6 HURRICANE at the protagonists for an *entire chapter* and its something that NEVER actually happens in the book. Like _at most_ he says "golly" or "darn" and then he just grabs all co-protags by the collar and goes ƳØŲ FÜÇƘÏÑĢ ŁÎŢŤĻË ŞĤĮȚŜ-

its part of MY MULTIVERSE. Which means that around the middle of the book, it turns out that parallel universes are real and nobody wants to conquer anybody because "nobody gives a shit"

This also explains how Mandela County is the 51st state of america even tho it doesnt get a star on the flag: Gabriel (yes that one) appeared and everyone went to him like "please for the love of FUCK make a government" and now its full of transhumanist transgenders (which sounds cool AF btw but whatever)

And also why pokemon dont exist. Long story short the Infinity Energy is a pokemon-only thing and the funny critters DISINTEGRATE without it (whoops)

Micheal meets the ACTUAL angel micheal and they both read the original stranger in a strange land and theyre both disgusted by it. Like holy fuck

The SCP foundation doesnt outright "appear" but its so fucking blatantly obvious that they are there. As in- theres a chapter where the only SCP word is "epsilon 11 nine tailed fox" and its in ONE chapter and its to breach the house of a terrorist

Turns out a martians powers in this book are a mixed bag of references: limited telepathy, steven universe tier empathy (like me hahahahaha i am in pain actually ;w;) and their skin is SLIGHTLY different from a human so whats a little burn for us can become A FUCKING WILDFIRE

Yes theres 2/3 or so chapters about him trying to get pyrokinesis, then jill is like "dude. You are flammable, not pyrokinetical" and he goes home sad

Jill actually has a deep seated trauma which kinda EXPLAINS her """promiscuity""" (dont worry, its a school thing and not a family one) and she gets over it by... getting a girlfriend.

No im not doing this alone half the concepts are either fetishes or political statements and i dont have time for this shit

Also micheal turns out to like gay sex more than straight sex which is weirdly phrased at first bit the reality is that seeing Feminine Guys™ makes him lose his marbles a bit. And by a bit i mean that theres an entire sentence where he says shit that only here on tumblr would be accepted, and it would be classified as "do not tumblrize the thirsty white cishet male please. Its bad enough". Yes he starts crying about it. Micheal may or may not be a big ball of explosive emotions. Whoops!

Speaking of Brain Bullshit: every autistic person ever has a power REGARDLESS of their intellect. This is explained by me (BECAUSE IM NOT PUTTING A STUPID SELF INSERT. IM GETTING IN THERE MYSELF BOY/GIRL/WHATEVERIDONTCAREIJUSTHOPEYOUGOTACOOLFLAGWITHIT) and the explaination chapter ends with a sentient mass of fuel-bleeding something going like "my iq is the same as a borzoi and these people are the dumbest idiots ive ever seen" and me agreeing (because hes right)

Also apotheosis is a thing but its so fucking stupid only the non rich can do it without going insane (obviously) (no they do not lose their sense of mortality/humanity. Thats a cop-out the size of the perseus supercluster)

The only reason he gets an autism diagnosis is because of that whole soup of "being an alien + not understanding society + op bullshit". He doesnt learn what autism IS until the last chapter.

And what happens then? He goes back to mars with a bunch of earth games and films. Mostly to share them with other martians to figure out wtf is a compooter. The epilogue is the release of "stranger in a strange land". An 8-bit styled RPG where youre an alien trying to save humans and

Oh who the fuck am I kidding. In my version of stranger in a strange land, Micheal invents fucking UNDERTALE

[justsomething-idk]

Idk what to think

Does he love me or is he just here because he is afraid of a world without me al alone.

I guess i know he loves me but is it enough for him.

I’m I able to be loved?

I think of myself as a pretty good human being i have my flash and I recognize all of them.

Even if I don’t show it often.

I know my standards are high and i have verry high expectations of someone who is aloud in my bubble.

I’m not easy i know that I’m pretty difficult to please i know that. But i also know that my standards are not something a person who claims to love me are not capable to do.

I don’t expect money I don’t expect wonders like buy me a car mo nothing material.

I expect love unconditionally I expect u to remember everything about me and gift me a day of the things i love. Take me on adventure.

I expect laughter till my belly hurts. I expect u to put ur ego to the side when I don’t feel so good and just say the thinks i want to hear even if it means u don’t stand by it. Let ur ego go when mine is to low emotionally.

But i try to tell u all about it but i don’t feel listened to, and every time i tell u something we fight because u just can’t handle it when I’m not feeling well and it gets worse and worse like right now we haven’t spoken for hours … because I questioned his love for me…

If he just would have come to me sit next to me give me a forehead kiss and told me “i love u even on my bad days, don’t worry” then i would smile and let him have his of day while i take care of him

Noo thats not how it went we had a fight is was crying and he just went quite for hours.

I don’t know what to do about it… he is pushing me away so much..

Send help

[sinatsu-kun]

my life had always revolved around other people and their presence. i wasnt the person i was a month ago, society is too demanding to the point that it is required for me to conform to its standards, or else.

it has been a long while since I've tried to think alone, depersonalizing myself and not recognizing the image im showing other people. what is my true identity? i find this question very challenging to answer for myself.

dont get me wrong, this rant is not meant to display any anger or derogatory emotions toward my univ friends. it's solely directed to myself and how i perceive myself and to society as a whole.

i know deep inside myself that i dont like many people, i dont like noisy places, yet, i had fun when i was with my friends last time we drank.

is this because of the hardships we all mutually experienced? the prelims period? our almost one year of being with each other? or is this just because of the dance of alcohol intoxicating our bodies?

eitherway, looking back, my point is, why do people change their behavior towards other people? why do we have multiple personalities depending on the people we're with?

and why do i sometimes feel like im being controlled to act the way people/society asks me to do?

going back to the point i made earlier, society is too demanding to the point that it was required for me to conform to its standards, or else,,

or else i would prolly be labeled as boring

or else i would have no friends

or else my family wouldnt accept who i am

or else my loved ones would not love me back

or else i would be irrelevant, an outcast, away from everyone else, sitting in a corner with insanity the only thing thats holding me back.

crazy to think is it?

and if you delve deeper, you would realize that it's not just me, it's you too, everyone in the world is being "controlled"(s.l.) by one another.

it would only be up to our choices who would we want to "control" and who would we want to "control us".

——or is this just another question of whether if it's actually a choice or no? 👽

as harsh as everything sounded, the depersonalized me at 5am believes this,,, but when i actually wake up i know i might not believe this anymore.

lol ig it's time to sleep, now i actually wanna wilt in this bed until someone wakes me up

,,,,,why did i forget that my therapist was writing weird shit at 3am while crying and basking in loneliness.

anyways, thanks for passing by, fellow human.

[wanpakupaku]

I can't see a 'crisis' here because you always cry, young lady. Your handsome anonymous seems quite busy these days. As for the movies, I was surprised that you went to watch Oppenheimer instead of Barbie. Barbie has become a hype among all the girls around me. I'm curious about what you think about Oppenheimer. Because the movie had so many close-ups and was dialogue-driven, it felt to me like there was no need to go to IMAX. What do you think? Besides, I miss you. How's life going?

hi haiiiii

yes i do! crying is good for us humans, gets rid of the unneeded hormones and built up stuff.

i wanted to see barbie first but it was a friends night out, we were 6 ppl in total and we all went together. and yeah, it didnt need to be seen on the cinema screen tbh. but i dont think id be able to sit through the whole movie if it wasnt forcefully projected into my eye balls. it is an interesting movie, but i know id be skipping some scenes by myself.

some of the visuall metaphors, like oppenheimer having sex w his lover in front of everyone in the eyes of his wife, was impactful. bcuz the way it is portrayed, you first assume its bcuz shes jealous but later it is revealed that she is actually mad that oppie would lay himself bare in front of these men and not defend himself. the main assumption and the wifes real thoughts are very different, which directly lets us know that we dont know these people and making assumptions about their personal lives is not up to us.

and like, oppie having a panic attack basically during the "celebration" of the bomb and he steps on an imagined dead body thats been burnt to crisp. for such a tragedy for all the 100s of thousands ppl dead and the horrors of the war, human mind cannot comprehend such big events. but it can see and recognize a burnt body. that was a very impactful scene for that reason. we do not even see the bomb landing on japan, we just hear about it. bcuz the movie is about the man, not the bomb.

i appriciate the fact that they tried to not force us to sympathize with oppie but rather show that he was a human that created one of the worst things a human has ever created.

and i enjoyed the parallels of oppenheimer and prometheus, not bcuz they are similar stories. but bcuz oppenheimer was a mere mortal but he was seen similar to a fucking titan, a primal being that was formed before even the gods had. and see the hubris of humanity and the idiolization of men.

Life is going well! An old friend came to visit me and we spent a lot of nice girl time together. I missed her a lot. The job is going good as well.

My breakdown was about the meaning of life and had i beat cancer and finished university to just rot at a deskjob. But i changed my view of the world adter talking to my loved ones. Im good now lol

Whats been going on in your life?

(btw handsome ppl dont call themselves handsome)

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

NO SO REAL ive been writing on docs ...

barty is so def a monsterfucker. like he would look at an eldritch monster and be like 10/10 smash.

also ?? voldemort was hot in the first war??

yes barty being like voldemort>bcsr because at least voldemort brings results!! bcsr makes time for other people but not for his own so ?? asshole!!

also help the point about voldemort being the only person who makes time for bcjr?? gut-wrenching. so valid. yes in barty's eyes voldemort is the best person ever because he cares for bcjr + i feel like he humanizes voldemort a LOT like in his eyes ofc voldemort is the dark lord and the bullshit but ultimately a really powerful man. a man. just like himself. <3

grr him introducing himself as voldemort's bitch is a drug. bellatrix is his most devout follower, sure, but voldemort scratches his scalp and calls barty his bitch and now whenever a new death eater joins barty boasts about. leaning into dog barty here idk it feels right.

YES like he founds out what voldy said at the graveyard and that makes bcjr go crazy because wdym the thing voldemort told him he only ever told to harry potter, the boy who lived?? he's that important?? hes litr ready to peel his fingernails off for this man

also the "he could convince bcj to walk around with his shoes tied together and he’d do it" just makes me think voldemort def fucked around w bcjr. like he would have him do lowk humiliating stuff (maybe straight up humiliating stuff!) like we know from canon voldemort takes pleasure in being a pain in the ass sawr yk funsies.

also like the idea of bcsr doing humiliating bcjr. like in a diff way (this is a random ramble) like just bringing up his faults and all the embarrassing shit he did as a child and bcjr is seethinggg but its okay when voldemort does it bc voldemort is Hot

(also yes regulus is soo delusional help every time i remember how voldemort never saw or knew what he did i die laughing. hes such a loser <33)

help yes weirdo loser creepy oversensitive bcjr is soo fine like i just know he cries when like the most normal things happen. "barty why are you crying" "my shirt got wet 😿😿" "it's fucking raining. everything is wet."

ughhh james and sirius hurt sm because james wants to understand what sirius is feeling so bad and sirius would rather rip his dick off with a can opened than let him feel any of what he's feeling yk.

yes james doesnt understand what sirius sees in bcsr and he also doesnt understand why sirius doesnt come home with him!! his parents adore sirius, but sirius seems to hide further and further into the shadows whenever they see him lately and he just. he doesnt get it.

sirius would take any attack on bcsr so seriously, and more than that he'd take it as an attack of himself!! does james think sirius can't be trusted, cant make his own decisions? that he needs james to hold his leash hand and lead him everywhere because sirius is some lost dog without a kennel?? sirius has lived a hard life, even when he's barely a teenager he recognizes it. he can deal with his life himself, he's almost toxically independent and having james in his life is so new and good, but it's also new and bad because he can feel himself needing james when he isnt really supposed to be needing anyone!! and he cant simply go to james, either, one because ego, and two because, horrifically, he's starting to need bcsr too. he needs to hear he's good and he's making someone proud and that bcsr wishes he was his son instead of bcjr. the potters say it, sure, but they give out love like candy - with bcsr? you have to earn it. if he disappoints, he gets hit, if he doesnt he gets head a reward, he feels validated but only because he has to work for it - because the idea of just being loved isnt one sirius has, it comes off as pity to him.

idk thats a weirdly shaped paragraph and grammatically incorrect but haha suffer

anyway yes when sirius comes to bcsr's open arms after fighting with james and bcsr insults james sirius does feel hurt - because insulting james means insulting him (like how it was w jfp and bcsr's roles reversed) but where then it was sirius' pride and ego being hurt, now it's his insecurities being attacked, his petulance, his brashness. (not his sharp words, bcsr values a cruel canine).

yes yes yes sirius is a kid who does not understand why they think bcsr is bad, he punishes bad, rewards good, isnt that how its supposed to be? fleamont and euphemia keep repeating whatever james said and it makes sirius feel like they think he's stupid, or slow, because he hears what theyre saying he just doesn't deem it important.

ughh bcsr being butthurt about boyfriend not coming to him is like 1) funny 2) so sad ?? (for sirius, ofc, fuck bcsr <3). sirius feels sm guilt because bcsr doesnt like his sonn and hed be so alone and mrs crouch doesnt get him like he does (this line triggers alarm bells in f&e's mind) . but like it ending very abruptly is very important to me. theres no closure or scream-y fight its just owls and then no more owls !!

ughh youre making my heart hurt for bcjr rn i can imagine like 11-12yo bcjr being happy dads home early but nope turns out he didnt go at all (litr unprecedented) and instead took sirius to whatever exhibit or museum or whatever kids like idk he wanted?? bonus point if bcjrs been wanting to go forever and bcsr said he was too busy to take him??

like, pre this awakening, maybe bcjr got along w sirius but after it bcjr developes resentmenttt (the crush comes later) and every time sirius is over or he sees him in school he wants to rip him to shreds.

oo which makes me think, do you think this would affect deathstar's relationship in school? it's probable that they never talk at all but like where's the fun in that yk.

yes ugh sirius doesnt know how big this is, he thinks it's just a "aw :( too bad, anyway-" whereas for all three of the crouches its like !! massive !!

i love the idea of sirius being the very nonchalant one in a family full of Very Chalant People. its very clear he's not one of them yk.

AHH yes bcsr bashing barty's head into a table is like delicious ive been thinking of it 24/7. mrs crouch is screaming and barty is half sobbing half having a villain victory speech monologue bcsr is angry and just hitting and hitting and sirius is like Oh Wow this makes my family seem normal.

yes sirius would be scared because its a lot more bloody than even what goes on in his own house (unless u hc smth else?) and bcsr is disappointed in a rare moment of sirius' apparent 'softness' but he brushes it off as him simply being surprised. even when sirius requests to go home, he excuses it with mrs crouch's insistence that he does (n then mr&mrs crouch fight !! yum !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

yes ahh bcsr being like dont heal bcjrs injuries and mrs crouch doing it anyway because thats her baby !! also bcjr is def the loser who called his dad 'daddy' and mum 'mama' too long idc 💔💔. also random hc i have is that whenever walburga hurt sirius she wouldnt heal it because she liked seeing him bruise and sirius' ptsd just gets triggered from that

ughh sirius being stalked is like. my favr thing. ever. at home regulus does it, here barty does?? he tries to talk to barty but barty just stands and stares at him so sirius is like Okay Man and does whatever. yes yes yes barty imitating sirius !!! it's painfully obvious, too !!! i cant decide whether bcsr would be pleased or not. probably not. he never is.

barty jacking off to the idea of being sirius is like. actual gold. like his face stuffed in sirius' unwashed clothes and his hand on his dick, rutting into it and crying out sirius' name ?? or maybe he pretends he is sirius and says 'dad' instead?? YUM !!!!!!!!

omg yes bcjr drugging and raping sirius is so like fitting. i think the wizarding equivalent would be a love potion? him asking winky (omg forgot about her) to slip it in his food, winky getting punished for it.

also !!!!!!!! the idea of bcsr telling winky to call sirius 'master' and follow his orders is so YUM especially if you hc that after the love potion incident he forbids winky from taking any orders from bcjr !!

yes yes yes lowk flashbacks to harry witnessing swm and thinking it was heinous and unforgivable... unless it was someone horrible (like draco) bc yum harry/sirius parallels random yes ! sirius being like "well he did xyz and he doesnt even try to get better!" (because he doesnt really understand bcjr's mental illness, either) as justification for his abuse because bcsr is good and that ! is ! final !

eek sirius begging lily to litr fix him because he thinks he's broken post depressive episode is so sad but yum love them sm

bcjr's episodes r like breaking actually like i can imagine mrs crouch being so so desperate and bcsr just stunning bcjr because thats the only thing that shuts him up and sirius is like Um because should he tell bcsr that he could ask lily, again, for help? get him muggle medicine? but that would mean he himself had done the same, that sirius was the same as bcjr and that cannot happen so ... guilt !

eek yes i can imagine sirius being like "where's your son?" and bcjr being like "he went to stay with a friend" when he's actually tied up in his room for a few days while mrs crouch is visiting her mother, with only winky for company. it's like horrific and i love it 1000 times more of this please.

ughh yes sirius trying to be good and trying to take the fall for bcjr and bcjr just bodily attacking him ... bcsr would be so so so so SO angry and sirius is just ?? scared ?? as to why he was attacked by what seemed to remind him of a wild dog ??

(i LOVE crackships but like jegulus is uninteresting and boring and tropey and BORING!!! blackcest can be fucked up which reminds me: thoughts??)

UGH sirius using bcjr and exploiting bcjr's crush on him to sleep with him and moan out 'barty' is veryy hot also that is NAWT a moanable name but whatevs . barty & sirius both just creaming at the thought of the Ultimate Groomer is so icky and sad and real and true like theyre rutting their dicks together like dogs in heat and riding each other and eating each other out screaming 'daddy' is so adlasfka

UGHH yes that is. so sad. sirius thinking he's finally found someone to trust, someone who's the perfect parental figure for him only to be proven wrong? him defending bcsr despite knowing bcsr palms his dick whenever sirius bends over and eek yes the thought of sirius being so scared to lose his virginity to someone who he's been jokingly calling dad for almost eight years he just runs and runs and runs till he goes back to where he knows he's safe even if he's an intruder.

but also. the idea of sirius letting bcsr touch him because he's so afraid of losing him and handjobs turn to blowjobs which turn to full on sex and sirius is nauseous afterwards and he's throwing up and barty is watching and he is jealous because why is sirius getting everything when he doesnt want it, when he's hear and he's so good for his dad?

also yes so real if barty could produce a a patronus it would be a worm. actually ??? i think he would bc like it never says healthy memory, it's just a happy one, so regulus and barty discussing it after class and regulus being like "what did you think of? i thought of my brother getting crucioed," and barty being like "omg!! :3 i thought of your brother crucioing me!!" . i can def see bartylus fucking and barty killing the mood by moaning out sirius' name icl

yes yes yes sirius hero worships bcsr. he has ever since he was a child, bcsr is cool and relaxed and always praises him and it doesnt change when they get older, only this time when bcsr calls him a good boy sirius is climbing his lap with his tongue out and fucking himself over bcsr's cocklet .

also what the FUCK he spoke THAT MANY LANGUAGES... no wonder barty was smart eek. i like the idea of him telling sirius and sirius speaks seven (and is content) is just wondering if he can name that many... and then The Lessons start.

i also like the thought of bcsr gifting sirius the fisrt motorcycle magazines in his collection and yummm <333

do you mean barty crouch sr by bcsr??? because omg plz tell me what you think about sirius’s relationship w him, i find the crouches so interesting, i would love to hear about that

YESS i LOVE you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont actually know how much of what i imagine for them can be fit into canon/is canon but like sglkfd.

so barty jr and sirius probably met during their childhood i think, bcjr was intelligent and well mannered and a respectable kid in sirius' age range, and ofc there's the hc that he was close friends w regulus, too. i hc he was pretty distant w bcjr himself but i just knoww sirius 'daddy issues' black needed everyone's parents' approval. orion was a negligent asshole sawr i think its a pretty valid course of action yk

and ofc bcsr loved him !! he was intelligent, he was quick, he was charming, well mannered, all the shit he wishes his bastard of a son was. and barty sr is a bit manipulative too yk he would definitely try to steal sirius away from his family and friends because he knows what sirius needs.

and like !! bcsr. he knows his son is death eater, he does use sirius as a replacement. he doesnt hide it, either, which he thinks justifies using a very obviously traumatized young boy to forget about the guilt in his heart about abusing, traumatizing and neglecting his own son. that being said, he gives sirius the watered down version of abuse his parents do - which sirius has grown comfortable enough with. that being said, the main reason sirius ran away isnt there: he's not a supporter of voldemort. he's actively fighting against him. (also hehe i hc walburga as bipolar so sirius is just happy he doesnt have a timebomb in the house 24/7) (or at least the timebomb doesnt explode around him !!). bcsr still mentions who sirius should associate himself with, still is disappointed when he doesnt get a good grade (an E instead of an O), he yells at sirius, maybe he raises a hand at him too - but at the end of the day sirius finds him justified because he's the one who took sirius under his wing, and is helping him, and is nice to him, and this is really what parents do to their children, right?

here is also when the post comes in btw: bcsr feels entitled to sirius' life, his idea of a parent/child relationship is ownership, and unfortunately that's sirius' view of it too, but bcsr is a lot calmer and quieter than walburga, he cares more than orion - to sirius its really the best of both worlds. bcsr wants sirius to go in politics which sirius does not want because he already has whatever career he's chosen for himself, and bcsr feels it necessary that sirius follow his - his own son wont.

bcsr does need sirius, he confides in him, he loves him (in his own fucked up way). sirius moves on, he runs away and gets farther and farther away from everything that reminds him of Before and feels resentment that bcsr (a man who he's considered his strongest father figure for years) doesn't even reach out to him once. bcsr feels that its a child's responsibility to reach out every time - he feels betrayed that sirius didn't runaway to him, that he didnt even know sirius had runaway till someone told him in passing. the letters they exchanged come to an abrupt end and it just feels like everything ended in the middle of it yk. barty crouch sr doesnt see sirius till sirius is arrested, soon after his own bio son is x

(also, yes sirius does still have the potters, but the potters are a completely different world to him. he's not used to that kind of completely unconditional love, he's not used to seeing how they shower their heir son in love. its a little bittersweet, it feels like a fantasy, sirius feels like he's intruding, he fills resentment to james for being raised with parents who love him and ofc he doesnt want that so he finds solace elsewhere. he thinks the potters are angels on earth, his relationship with bcsr is what the normal parent/child relationship. if walburga and orion are a 10 on the scale of what sirius considers to be 'bad parents', euphemia and fleamont are in the negative. bcsr falls somewhere in the middle, like a 2 or 3 to sirius. to bcjr, sirius can recognize, that bcsr is horrible. he yells, may hit, he's permanently disappointed when they do interact. they barely ever do - bcsr is always busy, he makes special time for sirius (which makes sirius giddy bc wowzers am i that important?) which cuts out even more time from bcsr and bcjr to interact. also, bcsr calls sirius son and he doesnt call bcjr son. sirius is lowk a homewrecker i love him.).

[venomous--fics]

Anon Requested: Omg wait can i request a fic where reader feels like they aren’t good enough for eddie and venom so reader breaks up with them and eddies sad and just a lot of angst (BUT happy ending) if not thats okay !

A/n: Day 5!! I'm think about just extending the weekathon to the entire month! Not too sure yet, but I should decide quickly huh!! I just think it'd be fun to do something like that. Maybe get more and more festive along the way. What do you think?

Song: Halley's Comet by Billie Eilish

"So, that's just it? You're just gonna up and leave and not tell us why?"

He wanted to sound mad, but his voice gave it all away. You couldn't stand the thought of what you were doing to them both. You couldn't even bring yourself to look at them as you left. You didn't even bother to grab your things. You just left emptyhanded.

Subconsciously, maybe you knew you'd find your way back eventually. But...Not now.

The weight of the world began to crush you with every step you took away from their place. You knew they were watching you from the window. If you had to leave, they'd at least make sure you'd stay safe.

It all felt like a cruel punchline to an unfunny joke. How could you be such a fool to think you'd be good for them? They....They were a protector. A lethal one, but still a protector. They helped people and saved the world from every threat imaginable. You sometimes couldn't even drag yourself out of bed.

It didn't seem fair to drag them down like that. They deserved better. They deserved the world, and you just couldn't give them that. Someday they'd find someone who would.

That night was spent alone on a friend's spare guest bed. The world was so quiet. There were no streetlights beaming into your room. There was no more sounds of late night traffic or the people talking and walking as they passed under your shared window.

There was no more fighting Venom for the comforter because he'd purposely hog it just to get your attention. It always worked. There wasn't the usually jokes about forgetting to set your alarms for the work morning ahead.

You simply set your alarm and laid down. The world seemed so much colder and emptier. It didn't seem fun and bright anymore. The bed felt much more spacious now.. The pillows felt too squishy and new. The sheets looked nothing like his.

Staring at the wall wasn't going to put you to sleep any faster, so you rolled over and clamped your eyes shut. You willed yourself to not cry.

The tv kept repeating the same old stuff. Robbery after robbery. Someone got shot. A car accident. Oh, it's going to rain tomorrow.

We should be fixing that..

"I don't feel like doing anything anymore."

"I don't feel like doing anything anymore either, V."

There was an uncomfortable silence. Normally there'd be some form of a pep talk from you, but now.. Your spot on the couch was empty. All that was there to suggest that you even existed was your favorite throw pillow.

With hesitation, Eddie grabbed the pillow and held it in his lap. It still looked brand new, and that's simply because you always knew how to take care of things. Nothing of yours ever really got broken or misplaced..And you always knew just how to handle things.

"I miss them."

A thought they shared in common. It's felt like months, but it's only been a couple of weeks. Your things were still occupying space here. It was almost torturous having to look at them each day and know that you weren't going to come home.

It was that thought that broke them both. They curled up on the couch, sad and defeated. The world was incomplete because you weren't here to make ti better. A rough day at work? You'd say, "Oh, don't worry." as you made some hot coco to relax with. Emotions getting out of control? You were always there with ways to fix them.

Did they take you for granted? Did they forget to cherish you? Did they do something wrong? Everyone always told them that they were just screwups who ruined everything, so maybe they just fucked it up again.

Maybe they'd learn to live with it. Just not today.

It's just not home anymore. Home is where you were.

The rain was awfully heavy today. But you were thankful. Today was hitting you harder than the last few. You were stumbling down the sidewalk, tears streaming down your face. Nothing seemed to hold any meaning anymore. You'd pass by Mrs. Chen's shop, and normally you'd stop by there to get Eddie and V a snack or two. But now, you simply keep walking.

Today you just let your body walk. To where? Wherever you felt like you needed to go. You were so tired, and so worn down. That only help cement in the fact that you just... You were an absolute nobody. Who could love a nobody?

If only you were born gifted with the brains, the talents or even the powers. Maybe you'd be worth something. Maybe you'd see yourself as more. Maybe if you felt like you held any importance to anyone, you'd find a reason to stick around anywhere, with anyone.

Despite wanted to be more to literally anyone, all you could think is being better for them. They meant so much, no, no, they mean so much to you. It felt so dumb and childish to be so hung up on two of the goofiest creatures on this planet. You couldn't lie to anyone. You were hopelessly in love with Eddie Brock, a man who truly was a breed of his own. And you were in love with Venom, an alien with a heart bigger than his stomach but he's too embarrassed to say it.

You don't want to love them anymore. Because you still believe it was better to not be with them.

You slumped against a light post and wiped your eyes. You tried everything to stop the tears from flowing, but that only made them multiply. You'd scold yourself if you had the energy.

The world really did begin to feel more and more empty. People seemed to walk pass and not even give you a second glance. None of them cared, and to be honest, neither did you. Normally you never noticed other people, because you'd be so wrapped up in whatever it was you and Eddie, and yes, Venom too, were doing.

But they aren't here anymore. You were back to where you started. Alone and afraid of what the world had in store. You used to wake up knowing what you'd be doing...But now you weren't sure.

You remained leaned against the streetlight for an eternity. The sun had set and the moon had risen, yet you remained put. Everything was cold now. The rain had subsided, but the light continued to drip down on you, but even then, you didn't have the willpower to move.

It's better to be cold than to have never been warm, right? That is how the saying goes...Right?

You sniffled, waiting for the next set of drops to hit your head, but they never did. You slowly looked up and saw someone's hands holding up a jacket. They looked like they were doing their best to hold it up like an umbrella, and without touching you. You recognized the jacket immediately, even just from seeing the inside of it. You'd worn it so many times.

You stood up straight and turned around, being greeted with the sight of Eddie. He looked just as tired as you, and just as lost. He looked like he had a million things to say, but it seems like the cat had his tongue.

The universe was giving you a chance. For some reason.

"I'm sorry." was the first thing to spill out of your mouth.

"We're sorry, too."

"You didn- It was me. I was.." You took a step back from under the jacket, but it seems like Venom wasn't having any of that. He moved Eddie's body for him, this time, draping the jacket on your shoulders.

You gently crossed your arms and held them close, appreciating the gesture now.

"You can leave now. If you want." Eddie moved back a little, "We just saw that you were cold.."

"I don't want to go." you gripped onto the jacket, trying to fight the new wave of tears threatening to come out, "I just.. I had to because I felt like I wasn't good enough."

You were about to ramble on when Eddie cut you off, "That's why you left?"

"I'm sorry." You felt like you could just curl up and die on the sidewalk.

You looked down, staring at the cracks that littered the walkway. You'd find someway to make this poetic.

Two hands, one human and the other very much not, wrapped themselves around you as they pulled you into a warm embrace.

"Did we make you feel that way?"

The way Eddie's voice cracked made your arms go limp at your sides.

"No. I made myself feel that way- But I can't help it. You guys do so much good and I-"

"We love you."

The hug got tighter, "We used to do what we did because it was the right thing to do. But then we met you and it all changed. It seems so cliche to say that, but...It's true."

"You're just saying that."

"We adore you. We promised to do everything we can to make sure we leave this world a better place for you."

Your hands shook as your fought with yourself. You wanted to hold them just as close as they were holding you, but you felt-

"I don't deserve this.."

Unworthy.

In typical Brock fashion, and never knowing how to truly deal with his emotions, Eddie clung to you, almost pleading, "Would you just listen to what we're saying."

"You can't love me."

"Why the hell not? Huh? Whose going to stop us?"

"Nobody's going to stop us."

"Why is it me. Out of all the worthy people, why me?"

"You're such a good person. I know you don't see that..But you're the kindest person I've ever met."

"Certainly the nicest I've met..."

Every last word you wanted to yell out into the night sky just vanished from your mind. You wrapped your arms around Eddie and squeezed as hard as you could.

"How many times do we have to say it to make you believe it?"

"I'll say it a billion times," Eddie said, "Most guys would quit at a million but me? I don't know when to quit."

"It's true. He doesn't. But if saying it a billion times gets you to come home, then I'd do it a million more than him."

"I," You started, taking in a deep shaky breath, "I wanna go home regardless."

"We can talk more there if you're comfortable."

"With coco."

"I would like that."

The walk home was a talkative one.

Eddie's hand held yours tightly, but not too tight. He was so afraid that if he didn't hold it firmly enough, you'd simply slip away again. He was sure as hell not letting that happen again.

The apartment looked the exact same as when you left. You were so surprised by that. Normally they'd be a mess if you were gone for too long, and the apartment would reflect that.

"It all looks the same."

"Oh. Yeah." Eddie busied himself with fetching the hot chocolate ingredients.

"We couldn't bring ourselves to ruin your hard work...Or move your things." For the first time, Venom seemed sad.

They both seemed tired. You wanted to feel bad, knowing that they felt that way because of you. But knowing that they loved you meant that they felt bad, not because of you, but because you were gone.

Without thinking, your hand reached out and grabbed Eddie's arm, startling him a little.

"Can we go lay down for a little bit.." you asked quietly, "I think we all need a little rest."

Relief washed over him as he set down the cups and lead the way to the bedroom. There was no more words as you three crashed onto the mattress. Venom used a small tendril to turn the lamp off and pull you closer to Eddie.

"Are you okay with loving a nobody like me?" you asked as you watched him shut his eyes.

"Are you okay with loving two nobodies?"

"We are all losers."

Venom pulled a blanket over you and Eddie, going so far as to fluff the pillows under your heads.

"And that's okay. I love us the way we all are."

You yawned for the first time in ages as your eyes closed, "I love us too."

There was that familiar light coming through the window. And there was the sounds of the cars and the people. The world felt just right and you were home. You moved closer to Eddie and placed a quick, soft kiss on his lips, and his arms were quick to wrap around you.

You felt a soft tendril wrap around your arm.

"I know what you're feeling and what you're thinking." His voice sounded surprisingly quiet, "But you are more than enough for us. We don't say it, but sometimes we feel the same way. You could certainly do better than us. But.."

The tendril tighten a little, but not enough to really do much.

"You left and we realized...We don't know what to do without you. We didn't feel like doing anything anymore. It felt pointless."

You turned your head to look at your arm, seeing two small white eyes staring at you with a mixture of sadness and adoration.

"I know I'm not good with these human emotions..I might never be good with them, but..I know that I love you. And Eddie loves you too. We always try our best to show you..But you are truly all we need to be happy in this life."

You were a bit shocked with how much Venom had to say. Most of the time, he tried to use the least amount of words possible to get his point across, so you knew that he meant it.

"You both complete me, and for once, I finally have the courage to say it, because I don't know when I'll get the chance to say it again."

You smiled softly at him, and moved your arm in a way where you could place a soft kiss onto the top of his tiny little worm head.

"I won't leave again. I promise we can talk about it first."

"Talking is good."

"I love you, V."

"I love you too." He seemed to pause as he shot a glance up to Eddie, just to make sure he was still asleep, "More than that guy."

"Not possible." Eddie groaned, adjusting a little.

You smiled a little as you curled up under the blanket and actually shut your eyes for good for the night. Finally, a good night's rest. You still had doubts, maybe not many and none as big and frightening as before, but that was normal.

Not everything in life is a given or a certainty. You're not promised to tomorrow and it's not a give that you'll be a millionaire. But where you are now is where you're supposed to be. Don't doubt it. The two halves of your heart will quite literally walk to the ends of the universe just to see you smile, and that's more than enough for you.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

hello! i really liked your post regarding izaya and ASPD! izaya is a character that i love even if i don’t necessarily understand him, so i appreciate how you approach criticism of certain portrayals of him without being overly pretentious. i’d love to hear more of your thoughts about our little meow meow, as the poets say, and thank you for shizayaposting in the year 2022. hero.

hihi!! and thank u! i understand him to a concerning degree and i'm glad you didnt think i was pretentious because i did kind of slip into my "i am writing a personal essay that is going to be published in a magazine" style near the end there. but maybe my essays arent as pretentious as i think, too!!

and hmm... thats a broad topic, "more thoughts," but i do share the sentiment that izaya is a very lonely person and that he loves shizuo- but the sensation of love is very different for someone with ASPD, so he might not even recognize it at first! emotions can be very dull and unrecognizable with ASPD, and i only cared about love because i personally wanted a partner! the idea of having someone who i knew i could wholeheartedly rely on, who fit perfectly with me... it was very enticing :) the safety, familiarity and the care called to me- after all, you can do whatever you want as long as you have a safe place to go back to... and a safe person there to welcome you home :)

(i am happliy engaged- it has its difficulty considering my fiance is my emotional opposite- he's hyper empathetic and possibly dependent- but it's a happy engagement nonetheless)

so my point being, i think it would take quite a lot for izaya to recognize feelings of love, but loneliness is a different beast altogether! it's easy to identify haha

and i think izaya is big on appearances- he's a powerful information broker, so he needs to have the penthouse. never mind that it feels too big and empty and impersonal, like he's a guest at a hotel! and he knows there's something that makes him different from other people. he's not stupid. i'm not sure if he knows what exactly it is, but it's there.

and.... sometimes people stereotype themselves.

i'm going to paint a target on my back and admit something: i'm self-diagnosed. put the damn pitchforks down, i have a therapist and he supports my decision. but before i came to terms with it, i would constantly stereotype ASPD. stuff like "ah, i can't have aspd, i cried at a dead cat!"

(i love cats)

and similarly, i would go "well, if i do have aspd, i can't cry at dead cats, because it means i have emotions and everyone knows sociopaths can't feel emotions! they dont cry at movies or anything!!"

(i later read confessions of a sociopath, and in the very first chapter, the author admitted to doing the same thing. get out of my head etc etc etc)

and i think izaya would be the same. he knows he's different. he sees expressions of emotions as contradictory to his base nature- it would prove him wrong about himself, prove that he's just another human. whether he thinks he's a god or a waste in that instant, it would still prove him wrong. he's not above emotion and he's not above hurt. and if he craves companionship, that means there exists something he desperately wants but can never, ever get. no sane, comforting human would accept him the way he is. and if he loves shizuo, the feeling is tenfold. he would want something with all his heart and wanting would never be enough. there would never be anything he could do to get shizuo to fall in love with him.

(except, according to fanfics, get brutalized and left to die, causing shizuo to stumble across him in a vulnerable state, finally seeing izaya as a person, izaya's masks forcibly ripped off as shizuo sees him for who he is)

(i wonder if izaya would ever be so desperate as to get himself brutalized for this outcome. if he ever acknowledged his feelings, the lack of control over the situation might get to him enough that he's driven to do this)

and that's why i think izaya masks everything. he's scared of his own humanity. because gods have everything they want, and humans have wants they can never have.

izaya is not a god. he's a human that is fundamentally broken in a deep, perverse way that nobody around him mirrors. he doesn't know why or what it is. all he can do is pretend to not suffer from it, pretend that he doesn't want, pretend that he isn't forever reaching for something that he can never have.

and i will shizayapost till the end of time my friend o7

[prettyboykatsuki]

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from then to now, does it ache? | t. touya 

➳ tags ;; spoilers from bnha manga (chap. 290), angst, hurt/comfort, ooc / soft dabi cause this was a vent fic for me </3, 

➳ wc ;; 1k 

➳ plot ;; so you know now. what next? 

➳ a/n ;; this is a repost from my old blog that i deleted. he makes me sad so much.. so sad. 

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“So you know,”

Dabi is tired. His head is laid against the drywall, the paint chipped off and sticking out in pieces all over the place. His eyes are open but his vision is hazy. Unable to decipher some things from others.

You look at him, chest tight. You nod.

“So I know,”

It’s unspoken. Like most things are with Dabi. With Touya. His hair looks so starkly different you just barely recognize his appearance. It’s not that thats what makes you feel safe anyways. Dabi smells like leather, and ash. Dabi feels like the buzz of shitty beer and late nights. Dabi is home.

Everything between you two had always been much like his life. Tracing the shadows that danced along the wall was just how you lived. This is not a love-story. The implicit happiness in that isn’t something Dabi could ever knowingly subscribe too. His path had been too grueling.

So, Dabi doesn’t call it love. When he knocks on your bedroom door and crawls in next to you after long missions, speaking openly - he doesn’t mistake it for intimacy. Just like the name he’s given himself, he leaves no room for question. It just is. When he reaches out for you in the darkness, or openly pines for your companionship after too many drinks, he chooses not to call it love.

“So?,” you speak first. It takes him by surprise. His eyes widen just a little before he falls into a confused squint. His bleary vision still makes your silhouette in the dimly lit room.

“So?,” he parrots. You smile. It’s warm. Not hot. It doesn’t burn Dabi at all. The mellowness in your movements puts him at ease. His shoulders slump softly as he waits for your clarification. It feels like something inside of him has cracked open. Emotions he hasn’t felt since he was little suddenly make their way into his throat - his heart leaping into his mouth. He feels like he’s gonna puke.

Don’t ask, his brain begs. He doesn’t know whats going on. Like he can’t keep ahold of himself, his fingers shake. You know Dabi better than he knows himself. In fact, you always have. His subconscious knows this fact and cowers at your presence. Dabi is seldom scared.

“So how do you feel?,”

What an inane, innocuous question.  Dabi doesn’t feel anything. He hasn’t felt anything in a long time. Except you. Only some who already understands Dabi perfectly could be in his proximity after something like that and still feel safe enough to ask questions. Not that Dabi would ever hurt you

Dabi isn’t supposed to feel anything. Feelings get in the way. Human inconsistencies that cause people to make mistakes. How his fathers feelings got in the way of his morality. Most feelings are selfish and worthless. Dabi is a monster, not a person. He doesn’t make connections that just get in the way.

But, he can’t bring himself to look at you either. There is something truly enigmatic in the way you make Dabi... feel. He has long since abandoned feeling remorse because it would only ruin his goal. He can’t tarnish the only purpose he’s ever had. His goal to ruin Endeavor still hasn’t changed. He should feel good that at the very least, he’s destroyed the reputation of the man who ruined his life. Who made him a monster.

But, that’s not really what Dabi feels. His views on hero society remains unchanged but this doesn’t relieve him like it’s supposed too. Once the hysteria disappeared, once the cameras went off and it was just him and you - Dabi doesn’t fucking know. He doesn’t know how he is supposed to feel. How he does feel.

“I don’t know,” comes his reply. It’s an honest answer. Quietly, the floorboards creak as you stand up. You stretch a little, your feet padding softly on the floor. This place is too dingy for someone like you, he thinks. He wonders why you’ve decided to stay.

You sit down on his lap. He doesn’t push you away or scowl - the indifference emboldening you. Wrapping your arms around his neck, your hands softly make their way to his face. Your thumbs brush against his scarred skin - the tears that flow freely now making you giggle.

“I thought you singed your tear-ducts, Mr. Villain,” you joke. He’s crying? Since when, he wonders. Your touch is soft and gentle. Tender in a way he hasn’t know since he was young. He shudders as you lean forward, soft lips pressing a kiss into his cheek and his nose.

“Guess not,” comes his reply. His throat is dry, oddly enough. You take your hand, cradling his neck as you bring his head to your shoulder.

“Do you still want me to call you Dabi?,” you ask.

He shakes his head against, distantly aware of the droplets of tears that fall onto your pants. He sighs harshly.

“I don’t know,” he says again. You nod. Running your fingers through his hair, you nod again. When Dabis arms  weakly found your middle, and when he squeezes you so tight you struggle for air - you don’t say a word. You just let him hold you. You let him mourn. You let him remember that he isn’t enough of a monster to really, truly feel nothing. That perhaps his humanity will always hold him hostage. 

But whatever name he has, whatever role he takes - villain or martyr, lover or team-mate, Touya or Dabi  - you know that it isn’t skin-deep. That if he was, then right now - he would feel nothing like he was supposed too.

“Hey,” you say softly. His wordless, frightened tears don’t hold  back but his grip loosens.  You don’t make him look at you, only hold him. Only love him as strongly as you can with your touch.

“I still love you,” you say first “I hope... you feel better,”

Your voice is just as soft as his mothers. What he once mistook for delusion, he knows recognizes as earnest. It’s terrifying. You mean it. He can’t say it back to you. It’s just too heavy.

But with a scratchy throat, a heavy heart, and hands that hold you waist so tightly you might bruise - he laughs, just a little. It too, is warm. It doesn’t burn you at all.

“Thanks,” he says back. It’s all he can really do.

And maybe that is enough.

Maybe he is enough, too.

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[darkestcorners]

Hi. Sorry if this is off topic. I just want to share with someone here. Since you are my fav author here and you seem so sweet, i decide to tell you this. Hope you dont mind.

I am asian, next year i will turn 30. I have been into kpop since 2009. I have only liked 2 idol (which i really obsessed with), one has left his group and one is still active and quite famous in kpop. The things is today i scroll on twitter and found that my bias have kissing scene on his drama. I understand that he is just human like us too, and thats his job as an actor but i cant help but to feel so sad and anxious. I started to feel dizziness and nauseous all day. I feel like crying but no tears coming. And I am pretty sure this is not because of food poisoining or something else. But then i recalled when one of my bias left his group in 2014, i got the same situation with today. This make me thinking to stop into kpop. Kpop is like bittersweet for me. Sometimes it makes me happy and sometimes it makes me stress as hell.

Do you think this is normal? You are a physchology student right, if am right? Would you mind to share some advice? I feel embrassed to share with my fellow friends or my family because i am afraid they think me just overact and make fun of me.

If you find this ask annoying, kindly ignore me. But if you feel like replying, i appreciate it so much 🥹 And sorry for the bad grammar, english is not my first language. have a great day 💚

Hi babes! ❤️❤️

I’m so sorry this took so long to answer, I just came across it after coming back from my vacation and I wanted to gather my thoughts on it well. I hope you still see this!

Firstly, I want to say that you don’t have to feel embarrassed by admitting this, you’re definitely not the first person who feels this way and I understand you may not feel comfortable sharing with your family or friends since it’s a subject that can be seen as dramatic.

While I’m no expert on the Kpop industry, from what I’ve seen and researched over the years of being in fandoms and the overall experience, it’s very common to fall into this type of mindset. The industry relies heavily on parasocial relationships and they tend to market idols and groups in a way that leaves fans always wanting more, to the point of even forming emotional connections and attachments. Fan service is another key factor, the industry encourages idols to cater to fans and the type of content that comes out is very telling, ( vlives, fansigns, certain role plays they do when they act like they are a fan’s significant other , interviews catered to pleasing fans ) This this is by no means me blaming the idols or the fans, or saying the idols are not genuine , it’s just an observation & strategy that tends to happen in the industry. Unfortunately, while this is what makes Kpop so entertaining and immersive, it’s also what easily can cause some fans to fall into a mindset that’s not healthy for them. Especially if you’re someone who has gone through tough periods in your life ( we tend to gravitate to what makes us happy and gives us an escape ).

I think what you’re experiencing may be the effects of this parasocial relationship with your biases, you have most likely unconsciously formed this emotional attachment or connection with them and that’s why you’re not sure why you feel so much anxiety upon seeing them outside of this idealized version that they have previously presented themselves to you as ( or that you unconsciously made for them ) Again this is very common for a lot of fans from what I’ve seen so don’t feel embarrassed. What’s important is that you recognize this ( and you already do it seems, you know that what you saw your bias doing wasn’t meant to make you upset or stressed but it did ) . I think what you need to is take some time to reflect and maybe disconnect yourself from Kpop for a little while ( I’m not saying you should let it go completely or permanently ) I believe that just for now, if it’s causing you to feel those irrational feelings and anxiety, it’s best to remove yourself from it for a while and take a break. During this time, I think you should focus on taking some time to focus on doing other activities that make you happy ( any other hobby you may enjoy, try engulfing yourself in it as much as you can, keep yourself busy and if you can, try hanging out with your friends to distract yourself and leave Kpop as a background aspect for this time ) Once you find yourself more connected with yourself and your own life outside of Kpop, you may start to realize how dependent on it you have been for it to make you feel happy and you may reflect on that and how it may have unhealthily been impacting your mental health or life in general. Sometimes we need that push towards reality and it may sound harsh but we need to separate ourselves from the comfort zone we have fallen into or we may continue to down a detrimental path. Focus on yourself and remember that while Kpop is very fun and a form of escapism for a lot of us, these idols do not know us personally and they never will. We shouldn’t ever let them impact our emotions and mental health to that extent because they are essentially strangers and you should always prioritize yourself & the actual relationships with people in your life.

I also want to note that while I am a psychology student, I’m very much a rookie and new at this haha so please if you don’t feel like this helps, always try to seek out a professional ( promise they won’t judge , we are trained to deal with everything ) Of course this is only if you’re able to, I know therapy is expensive so don’t take this as me pressuring you. You can always look up videos on parasocial relationships on YouTube if you’re more curious about what I was referring to and how common it is in the Kpop world, it may help you get some more insight. I really love this Ted Talk and this video specifically targets Kpop so it’s also informative ! Thank you so much for even reaching out to me and I’m always here if you have more questions, I hope you feel better and have a lovely day :) ❤️🥰🥰🫶🫶 Sending lots of love ! Hope this helps you a little bit!

[idiotwhotalkstoomuch]

I never expected you guys to like demon Senjuro so much lol I’m really happy to see that like it was such a random impulse thought but the au has a lot of room for growth

In this post Im gonna establish a few things about what happened to Senjuro and Kyojuro in the events between Senjuro’s “death” and the pillar meeting. I will only cover their relationship and a little bit of Senjuro’s relationship with Tanjiro. The others can come at a different post cause this post is gonna be long lol so I put it under cut cause no one really wants a post to flood their dash

TW: Mentions of death (some are children), mentions of cannibalism (If you’ve seen even the first episode of demon slayer and had no problem, you’re fine with this post. This post is slightly not anime only friendly as I make references to an upper moon and I show a manga only panel as of posting this) Shnjuro gets really depressed but luckily there is no attempted suicide

Senjuro Rengoku

- His class was at the bottom floor and they were cleaning the school (I heard thats a thing in Japan if someone has a better idea on what they’re doing feel free to shoot an ask) when they got attacked

- In canon we dont know his age but I’m gonna guess like 12-14 but in the au he is 13 so he was 12 when he became a demon. A rogue demon attacked Senjuro’s class and Senjuro ran to get help and was fatally injured but still managed run to get help as he was given a nichirin sword and even if it didnt change color he must have known breathing techniques at the very least on a basic level and the demon was too preoccupied with some of the teachers and others trying to kill the demon, of course unaware of what it was except for Senjuro

- Upper moon 4 was sneaking around when he saw the all but dead body of Senjuro and demons really dont have standards for turning people into demons so when he noticed he was alive, turned him into a demon mostly so that if he did find any “evil people” (demon slayers) he could use him as his meat shield alongside his personalities

- When Senjuro woke up as a demon (cause even if he was a breath user he was very inexperienced so Hantengu had no problem making him a demon), he had no memory of his life as a human and looked around trying to find a human to satiate his hunger and saw a human in the distance with someone and began to run to them to satiate his hunger when he felt himself being held back. 

- The spirit of Ruka Rengoku gently held her son back and instructed him to not eat humans as that’s not something he should do and even if Senjuro couldn’t recognize the woman holding him back, he found himself obeying her and running to go to a place to hide from the sun

- From that moment on for a few day he would hop from place to place whether underneath homes, in caves or any place he could find to avoid being seen and to be shielded from the sun and found himself growing sleepy so in the cave he hid in, far away from the place he was last in, he closed his eyes and fell asleep for a year

- When he woke up, he had unwittingly burnt away Muzan’s control of him and was unsure on what to do when Ruka’s spirit appeared again telling him that he needs to find his way home. Senjuro wasn’t actually listening to a lot of what she said except one thing stuck to him. 

- “Senjuro”, he didn’t know what his name was as a demon but the name seem to stick to him and he figured this must be his name (he would of course be correct)

- When he found himself staying with the Kamaboko squad, having been spared despite being a demon due to him not having any form of aggression to them (something they all noticed due to his general demeanor and their enhanced sense) and Tanjiro could smell he hadnt eaten one human and he invited him to join them. He joined Nezuko in her box (she can grow really really tiny if she wants or is tired)

Reference: 

Kny chapter 85

- He joined for two reasons: One, he was really scared of people and demon slayers especially so when Tanjiro offered him the chance to be able to be safe and hide he took it. Secondly, he wasn’t sure but the smile Tanjiro gave and his warm reassurance reminded of him of someone, when he thought hard he only saw blurry shadows and got a headache so didn’t try to push it

- Tanjiro did ask him in the wisteria house while Zenitsu was chatting with Nezuko and Inosuke was off being Inosuke about his past and Senjuro told him about his brief meetings with a woman with black hair and asks if they’ve met before as he feels familiar

- This is where he gets the idea that the woman with black hair (Ruka) is his mother and Tanjiro guesses that the person that he thinks is Tanjiro must be his father (right on the first part Tanjiro but wrong on the second lol, you tried)

- He wears a cyan yukata with a new hakama pants as the clothes he was previously wearing was the same bloodstained clothes he wore after turning into a demon and Tanjiro didnt want to leave him in that. Tanjiro thought to get him a gag but the idea made Senjuro uncomfortable so Tanjiro made him swear to never eat a single human

- In Mount Nagatumo, he was too scared to jump out to protect Tanjiro like Nezuko but when she gets sliced up he leaves the box to watch her while Tanjiro fights Rui, unfortunately he is caught in Rui’s webs like Nezuko and was saved from it by Nezuko flames (though it did burn him a fair bit, Nezuko would apologize to him for this later)

- Giyuu doesn’t kill Senjuro cause his resemblance to Kyojuro despite the different clothes and demon eyes is clear to anyone who can see and Shinobu also finds herself hesitating but shakes those feelings off as Kyojuro deserves better than to see his little brother as a demon. Luckily Giyuu stops him and Senjuro runs with Nezuko and Tanjiro but is later taken back to the demon slyer corps by a Kakushi who put him and Nezuko back in their box

- When Sanemi stabbed the box, he moved to try and protect Nezuko but the box was too cramped and they both got stabbed despite his efforts. Later when he tries to bait him with his marechi blood, he’s too focused on resisting the blood and on Nezuko who he had grown to see as a sister to care about the wide eyed looks the pillars were giving him.

Kyojuro Rengoku (I am so sorry in advance Kyojuro simps I put this man THROUGH IT)

- He had just finished a mission and was going to get another mission when a crow he hadn’t seen work in years came flying to him, obviously panicked telling him how Senjuro’s school was attacked and how no one can find Senjuro among the bodies. The crow was Shinjuro’s

- When he hears that, all the kakushi and other demon slayers present would say they had never seen the flame pillar run so frantically, he only stopped to apologize briefly if he bumped into someone while running but the only thing racing in his mind was his little brother who had no weapon to defend himself with. He forced the image of his brother being nothing but a corpse away only thinking about saving Senjuro

- When he reached the school, he forced himself to calm down. Panicking isn’t going to magically bring Senjuro to him so he needs to keep himself in check because with so many people dead, he’s not the only one concerned over the kids

- There were no survivors on the area that was attacked, the police were there investigating the deaths of the many children and teachers, Kyojuro had to spend time convincing the police he was with them and to be allowed to investigate as well

- With no survivors, he heard from the police that there was a blood trail when they got there and he went to find the trail, when he reached the end of it where there were no traces of Senjuro but since the people there were untrained civilians, Senjuro was the only possible person to have been there

- He spent multiple days searching, Mitsuri was at one point sent to check on him and it was clear he was pushing himself, as days passed by, his composure and bright demeanor were crumbling and he started latching onto any lead to at the very least find the body of Senjuro to take back home but it was becoming clear that he would never find it and a kakushi had to be the one to tell him that his body was likely eaten to the bone or eaten and discarded to either rot away or eaten by someone else

- Kyojuro took a week off, not just because of the grief he felt at that moment but because he needed to check on his father and make sure he would be okay, the man didn’t even face Kyojuro when he came in to visit, he forced himself to not cry in front of his father as he tried to talk to the man who couldn’t even say a word and just drank away even as his eldest son tried to talk to him

- Servants were hired to monitor Shinjuro by Kyojuro as he was concerned about his health both physically and mentally but he did notice how Shinjuro never resisted to being taken care of by the people he hired. They reported to him he could be heard muttering Senjuro’s name and even stares at his room for extended periods of time

- When he made his return, he apologized to the pillars for his behavior the past two weeks (even though no one blamed the man, some even said it was okay if he needed more time, they wouldn’t judge) but whenever he was told that he said he had to be strong to protect the weak so he could be someone that could stop families from ending up like his own

- He was far more determined in killing demons, demon attacks had become personal to him now, whenever he saw a demon eating people he found himself wondering what they must’ve thought in the afterlife as the demon desecrated their bodies

- In the pillar meeting, when he was informed of a swordsman who travelled with not one but two demons, he felt disgust as who knows how many humans they could eat. On the way to the meeting, he couldn’t help but notice Shinobu deliberately avoiding him a bit, Giyuu was doing the same but the man never really talked with them much to begin with

- When he saw Senjuro go out of the box with Nezuko, he felt the smile on his face drop and his heart practically sunk to the core of the earth as he saw the unmistakable hair of a Rengoku and the face was so clearly Senjuro’s despite his eyes having a black sclera and his iris and pupil becoming cat like, the pillars had all turned to see if the flame pillar was alright and he could hear Himejima mutter prayers and Mitsuri was on the verge of tears seeing Senjuro alive but as a demon

- He found himself going into denial until Tanjiro, who had been freed as Obanai left to comfort the distressed love pillar, ran and yelled Senjuro’s name and told him to resist his hunger

- “My sister and the other demon with us are different! They would never eat a human!”

- Senjuro was a good kid, he was innocent, kind and a bit on the timid side. He had helped raise him, he knew Senjuro would never want to harrm a fellow human even when threatened.