#i go back to uni soon but that quite literally will not stop me

[hollywoodsargeant]

boyish - chapter 10 16.8k words | 117k words total | loscar

“I’ve seen you every day since I was four, mate. Think that does something to my brain.” And he doesn’t know how to say it, that maybe all the parts of Florida that feel like home really are just Logan, so he leaves it there. Leaves the rest of it to pick at the parts of himself that have shifted over the years; not falling out of place, but instead sliding back in.

HELLO. it is 3 am. as per. but here is chapter 10 of boyish... hehe. did the thing where i started writing it promptly after posting ch9 then exploded for a bit in the middle there and wrote the bulk of this in like the past three days. trust the process. we got there eventually (+ if i had rushed it i would not have gotten to include my favorite evil line! look for the evilest line it's like a scavenger hunt)

happy end of their junior year. happy prom. happy. thing. enjoy the chapter talk to me about it after you read if you so desire like in case if u were not aware i love talking about this fic and all of u are so lovely. thank you <3

+ if anyone would prefer here is a link to chapter one :)

[silvvermoon]

sub!Denji & eating you out ♡♡♡

*aged-up denji in college/university

so the thing about meeting sub!Denji is at first, he comes off like all the other cocky uni guys who are looking to stick their dick in, well, quite literally anything. even the cheap beer cans they’re drinking at the party you wished you never turned up to.

denji’s loud and overly confident when he makes a move on you, laughing at his own awful jokes but somehow you still find him cute. pretty face, nice smile, and you can tell he’s gonna be good with his hands with the way he’s gently rubbing at your waist.

it doesn’t take you long to figure out that denji doesn’t know jack shit though. all that confidence turns to stutters and soft blushing when you call the shots and invite him back to your place. he keeps his cool only until you’re in the bedroom, guiding his hands beneath your skirt to get your panties down to your ankles and you reach for his hair, pushing him towards your aching cunt and then-

“i havent- I haven’t really done… this before, can you, uh, teach me? so i can make it good for you, y’know?”

sweet fucking christ. denji’s looking up at you and he’s pretty, fuck yeah he is. he’s eager to please and you’re more than happy to show him, guide him forward while spreading your pussy open for him. you give him a show, swipe your thumb over your slick folds and direct him on how to run his tongue over your clit and down to your needy hole where you’re desperate to be filled.

“tease me with your tongue here,” you breathe, eyes lidded as you watch denji dive enthusiastically into your wetness, his nose brushing up against your clit while he pushes his tongue in. he moans and gasps while he eats you out and knowing that he’s getting off on this only makes your pussy throb more. you want more. more. more. you have so much to teach and fuck, denji learns quickly, too soon, because the build up happens so fast and all it takes is for denji to softly press a finger into your cunt while he sucks at your clit and you’re cumming. you want to be embarrassed but all you can do is grab at denji’s hair and pull him in harder, begging him to “keep fucking going, m’ cumming, oh, oh fu-“ and he doesn’t stop, no, keeps going until your thighs are shaking and you’re struggling to breathe.

when you finally push him away, denji looks up at you, mouth slick with your juices and slack jawed from arousal.

“can I do it again?”

[chunniwritesalot]

home - nh27

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! welcome to my 3rd haas related fanfic 😍😍 i think i should be named the nh27 queen by the amount of ff i'm writing about him (not that im complaining... i want to eat this guy...) if you dont follow me, or check my rambles (go follow me PLEASE... im a desperate gal) you wouldn't know that im going to vacation so i wanted to write something super quick before i left. when i get back- TRUST an smau WILL be made, probably for nico because this man is so beautiful 🤗😋 the writing on this is super rushed but i've been out of practice (uni is starting soon PLEASE SEND HELP) because i major in english and BRO i write so many essays that when i get to break i just stop writing all together. my creative writing is SAUR shit because all i write are analysis's and shit like that BUTTTTT im taking a lot of creative writing courses this year (2) so watch out because i might become Shakespeare cw: sad, cursing, you have a son but your gender isn't included, mentions of crashing (obviously, its about the monaco grand prix), mentions of hate, banner is mine but photos aren't, use of yn, bad writing style

other: y/s/n means your son's name! I DIDN'T EDIT THIS SHIT SORRY FOR GRAMMAR OR SPELLING MISTAKES. MY REQUESTS ARE OPEN IM BEGGING YOU REQUEST wc: 682

you didn't watch f1 races because of your love for the sport. in reality, you hated the sport. the loudness, the chaos, the danger. you thought that maybe nico would've finally listened to you, he would retire and you two could finally live... peacefully, that you could live your life not fearing the fact that the love of your life could quite literally die almost every week. you watched those stupid fucking races because nico was your husband, and you would never forgive yourself if you weren't watching and something unspeakable happened. so nico promised you that he would always come home to you, and he would never break that promise.

sometimes you wished you never got involved in this stupid sport, because then maybe you wouldn't find yourself sitting in the haas garage with your 3 year old being restrained in your grip as you watch the screen. everything going in slow motion as the two haas cars and the redbull collide in with eachother. was it bad to say you hoped most of the damage went to kevin or checo? you didn't care, f1 made everyone a bad person. you were sure louise, who was glued right next to you, thought the same thing- that most of the damage went to nico or checo. "shit" you muttered, your son looking up at you. he was too young to know what was happening, but you could tell he was worried.

"its okay love, just an accident." you whispered to him, he wriggled out of your grip to go run around the garage. not that you cared, right now, you were focused on nico and lord, were you fucking mad. mad that he broke his promise to you, mad that he never listened, mad at this fucking sport. you hated nico for this, hated that he sacrificed his entire life to this sport, when he knew that he had a 3-year-old son. when he knew you were waiting for him, and you would never forgive him if he didn't come back. you sat there, arms crossed as nico made his way back to the haas area after getting checked with the medics. you watched as he approached you, a flash of guilt on his face. louise seemed to get the message because she quickly got up from the seat next to you and made her way over to the children as she waited for her own husband. "y/n, i'm sorry." nico cracked out quietly, reaching out his hand to take yours. he grimaced when you snapped your hand away and stiffened at his words. "what if you died?" you spat out, "god nico, i-" tears burned in your eyes, "i hate you." nico watched as you stormed to the bathroom, not bothering to follow you. he knew you needed time to cool off. after a while, you came back, sitting next to your husband again. "even y/s/n was fucking worried." you whispered to him, "nico, you-." nico stayed silent, his gaze never tearing from the TV infront of them, he nodded slowly. "i was thinking about you the entire time." he started, "and i'm *sorry*, i'm so fucking sorry." he slowly turned to you, "i-i would never forgive myself if something happened to me, love. i-" he stopped, reaching out to wipe your tears, "i'm... i know you hate this sport, but- its my..." you shook your head, motioning for him to stop. sure, you hated this sport, but you didn't hate nico. you loved nico, and loving him meant you would always be there with him. even if that meant you had to watch all his stupid grands prix. because as much as you knew nico loved his sport, he loved you more, and nico promised he would always come home to you and y/s/n.

"i..i don't hate you" you said back gently, "i'm sorry." nico cracked a smile, "i know, my love. don't be sorry." he reached out again, and this time? you didn't pull away, because nico kept his promise. he was always going to come home to you.

[itscherrylipsforme]

begging for a river cartwright bf headcannons🙏🙏

River Cartwright as a boyfriend

I am so sorry this took my ages, darling 😓 Uni and family stuff made complicated to post for the last months. But now that I am back there is nothing that can stop from writing something for one of my fave losers (affectionately). Without further ado, let's go! 🫶🏼

Masterlist Characters I write for

Okay, this man lives for his shitty job. He hates Lamb and the Slough House with all his heart, yet he would never leave it for anything in this world as he needs them to get his career back on the right path and secretly cares about his co-workers there. Being a spy is literally in his DNA and through the seasons we learn that he is indeed a workaholic. With that being told opportunities to date are few, he does not have the time or the interest to look for a partner rn

So that the situation would be that you both met at Slough House where you ended because you fucked it up and were forced to share office with him. Reluctantly you had to adapt to each other. First of all, you thought you had few things in common: being in a place neither of you wanted and feeling like completely losers. But in a job like that with little to no ways to lose time one afternoon you started to chat in hopes that the hours would run faster. To your surprise they did

First weeks were not much different from the usual, tired “Good Morning” 's and “Goodbye” 's which weren’t good at all, exchanging papers, offering to make a cup of coffee for other when needed… Yeah, he did not give much of thought to your bond. There was no need, you were another co-worker. One much less annoying than Roddy, and in fact prettier and kinder than Shirley. But a co-worker nevertheless

Under that annoyed and tired facade, River is quite nice. Pretty intelligent and can keep a sarcastic banter although impatient and impulsive as you later found out in a mission you worked together. In so told mission you ran into Duffy and his dogs, which left River with a bloodied nose, a purple eye, and nasty cuts. He claimed to be fine and able to handle them on his own but as he nearly fell on the floor while trying to stand up you insisted on helping him

And there you were, with him sitting on your desk hissing like a kid being scolded for scratching his knee and you patching him up. Between "I told you we should have asked Shirley to back-up up", "I said we did not have time to wait for here" and other various reproaches you found his gaze casually drifting to your lips too many times to keep playing obvious. So, you went for it. Soft at first, slightly hesitant he thought, before parting away scared you had messed up again

Your doubts were quickly erased by a smirk and his response, more needy and equally sweet, that soon followed after. It was like walking on a tightrope, the thrill of it but also the feeling in your gut that you could fall in any given moment. It felt good… the best, whether it was because he hadn’t kissed someone for longer that he would like to admit or because he truly liked you was a question for another night. At that moment he did not need answers, but somebody to hold and feel alive once again. A night to forget all his past mistakes. So, he lost himself on your touch and your care

-But this is River Cartwright who we are talking about. He would rather get stabbed (again) than talking with his feelings to anyone. The following days and weeks he acts like nothing has happened and you are too proud and hurt to bring it up. It takes another case, and a bullet nearly ending with your life for him to gather the courage to be honest with himself. He is not good with words, so he does not say anything, just holds your hand in the hospital’s bed while trying to plan how to proceed

However, after nights of losing sleep when you finally wake up all intentions fade to nothing. Instead, he wraps his arms around your neck and whispers softly but seriously “Don’t you ever scare me like that again” You can’t help smiling and the moment he parts away realizing the rush of his actions you feel his gaze on your lips. A nod is the only confirmation he needs before making the move for you to forgive him

Let’s be honest, he is not the most “boyfriend material” person you have met. Reckless, stubborn, impulsive… But also, caring and sweet when he wants to so he makes up for it. His love language is probably acts of service and quality time, but he won’t say no to a couple of hugs and kisses (his childhood made him kind of touch starved)

 Your work does not give you much spare time, but he swears he will redeem himself once you are both out of that hell hole giving you the life and treatment you deserve. Meanwhile you are just happy to clean him up after he returns mostly safe and sound from mission and to have him snoring on your bed because that means he actually trusts you enough to rest by your side

[writings-05]

Changbin drabble

i literally saw a tiktok of Changbin not being able to multitask and this came to my mind. NOT PROOFREAD, no warnings, have fun readddinng !!

934 words

You had been dating Changbin for about 2 years, you guys had your fair share of ups and downs but it all made your relationship stronger than anything. You were used to stay over at their dorm while the other kids were there. You had a close friendship with BangChan and Felix, but ofc you were close with everyone else. You and Changbin were the type of couple who would get looks from other because you were either too sweet around each other or you couldn’t stop bickering like some 5 year olds. Anyways you loved him with your whole heart and the SKZ fam really felt like your own family. One of the things you cannot get over tho was the fact that Changbin cannot multitask, this man I swear if he’s concentrating on one thing he cannot hear or see anything else. This mostly happens when he’s concentrated on an important task.

You arrived to his studio where Bangchan and Jisung were over to work over some tracks with Changbin, they were used to you coming over after you had finished working for uni or finished your part time job, Changbin never let you go home alone at night time which is why you ended up at the dorm most of the time. “Heyy people” you said as you opened the door and tiredly made your way over to your boyfriend to kiss his head and then made your way to the small sofa in his studio, “Heyy Y/n, how was your shift?” Chan asked, “Tiring, people really are mean sometimes… but then I get sweet customers and forget all about them. How are things going here?” you asked. You worked as a cashier in a supermarket, you liked the part time job because your colleagues were all nice but some days you wondered why human beings can be so mean to each other. “Good, we just need to finish putting together this track and I think we’ll be done then.” Han answered. You hummed and took out your phone as you replied to a couple of messages.

Changbin wasn’t ignoring you, he knew you were here, the kiss on his head signalled it to him, but he was deep into the adjustments of the track and didn’t get to greet you. You didn’t mind, you knew you would get smothered in kisses as soon as he was done, but you swore him not being able to multitask is quite funny. “He really is concentrated he cant even say hi to his girlfriend, he was just talking about you for the whole day Y/n” Han said as he made his way to you on the sofa. You laughed a bit while looking at the back of his head. “I know, his multitasking skills are awful… I mean does he even know that is super girlfriend is here??” you asked as you made your voice a bit louder near the end of your sentence. “I know right? Like THE Y/N is here and CHANGBIN doesn’t even budge.” Jisung said. “I mean… BINNIE DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME?” you said as you got up and said it loudly “YEAH HYUNG DO YOU EVEN LOVE HER?” Changbin was not budging, you and Jisung thought to get a bit more mean “HEY Y/N DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?” Jisung asked knowing well that you have always been a fan of Ateez and your favorite member is ironically Changbin’s best friend. You started swaying in the room around your boyfriend while you loudly and proudly said “WHY YES I DO, I LOOOOVE WOOYOUNG OF ATEEZ, I MEAN THIS MAN I SWEAR I LITERALLY LO-“ you had to deadass stop in your tracks as your boyfriend had gotten up from his seat and stopped you in your tracks, he was towering over you, face literally a few inches away from yours. You swallowed hardly as you just watched up at him “Yeah hun, tell me? Who do you love?” he asked as he kept on coming closer to your face. You know your boyfriend is mostly a cutie but you sometimes forget about his intimidating side (which we all love come on). Although he was a bit intimidating you couldn’t help but keep on annoying him “Finally you look at me,” you said as you turned around and crossed your arms “I thought I was going to have to change boyfriends.” “Excuse me miss?” Changbin asked you turned around and said “Well yeah I mean I know you suck at multitasking but what if I was bleeding all over or there was a big world emergency or what if-“ you couldn’t finish your sentence as you felt a soft pair of lips come against your own. Changbin kissed you to shut you up and honestly you didn’t expect that, you had no more words. Even if it has been 2 years every kiss still felt the first one. “Ewwww stop itttttttttttttttt. Some of us are still single ya know.” Jisung said. Changbin broke the kiss and you were still stunned, you turned around to hide your shy face and he hugged you from behind. “Yes I suck at multitasking you have known that since day one but you know I make it up to you all the time.” Your oh so sweet boyfriend said as we hugged you from behind and swayed the both of you side to side. “Yeah yeah..” you just said. “Come on let’s go home.” He said as he took your hand in his and exited his studio with Bangchan and Jisung right behind.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas :)

im not sure this is me asking for advice because i don’t think there’s really a recipe for getting over someone but i just need to rant into the void

so there’s this girl. let’s call her lucy. we went to the same high school but never really met. she was a year older and one of those “popular” girls i guess, so we never really crossed paths, but we knew about each other. she was one of those girls who made the room brighter just by being in it. like calling her gorgeous is an understatement. and she was always super kind to everyone. like all the boys in school had a crush on her at some point.

so fast forward a bit, first year of uni. i moved into a big city and enrolled into the same university as lucy’s best friend. let’s call her cathy (lucy lives in a different city about 4 hours from us). cathy and i quickly become really close and of course she starts mentioning lucy a lot. she also talks about me to lucy. cathy starts telling me how we should definitely hang out, how we have so much in common and how lucy would love to get to know me (we both loved taylor swift read the same books etc) but as we lived in different cities it was kinda hard to arrange. quickly we developed this kind of weird parasocial relationship through cathy. like lucy would tell cathy to ask my opinion on something, she would send cathy voicemails to forward to me when she wanted to discuss something, she also invited me to a harry styles concert but i was busy so i couldn’t go and so on. i should maybe point out that she didn’t really use social media so that’s why she didn’t dm me or something.

at one point i discover that lucy is a lesbian. cathy never really mentions it but it becomes quite obvious from some stories. and at this point, i kinda start crushing really hard. my little lesbian heart is only so strong and here’s this drop dead gorgeous girl who is so amazing and we have so much in common and god what is a girl to do.

i learn that lucy has a girlfriend and get kinda sad but can’t really complain so i try to get over my little crush and move on. however, one day lucy deletes all pictures with her gf from instagram she briefly had. a few weeks later she messages me and tells me she wants to visit me and cathy, and that there’s this big 1989 tv release party in the city i live in and she would love for us to go together. i’m of course smiling into my pillow.

so she comes in october for the party. this is our first time officially hanging out. and god, we have the best night ever. nothing explicitly romantic happens, but we just have so much fun. we go out for drinks and talk and then we go to this party and dance and drink and have the time of our life. and at this point i’m really thinking about this as a date, because we’re both queer and she hugs me and holds my hand and we actually cuddle in front of the club. and then. it’s really late and we’re both kinda drunk and want to go home so she calls her ex (?) to pick us up. i agree as i’m pretty tired but i’m also so confused as i have no idea what’s going on here. anyways, the night ends and we have brunch tomorrow and talk about how we had a great night, but don’t mention anything else.

long story short, she gets back together with her girlfriend and kinda stops contacting me as frequently, but half a year later, i’m still hung up on a girl i literally spent 24 hours with. and sure, i’m interested in other girls, have other crushes i guess, but somehow my mind always comes back to her. the reason i’m writing this today is because i haven’t listend to taylor in a while, but ttpd came out and suddenly i hear her in every song and she still told cathy to ask me my favourite song as soon as it came out. and she still talks about wanting to visit me and god i want to just move on so bad. but i know i’m gonna text her as soon as another party comes up when we’re both free. and it’s just gonna be the same thing over again.

Hi! <3

damn, this is...this sounds so difficult.

Honestly? I think Lucy needs to make up her mind. It sounds like she's trying to have her cake and eat it too by being with her girlfriend and flirting with you, and either she doesn't know what she's doing (which isn't great, but it happens) or she's not thinking about anyone else's feelings (which is worse).

I know it is so easy to get hung up on someone like this- there's like...such a fun aspect of a romance like this where it's drawn-out and a bit forbidden and kind of dramatic. But the problem with something like this is it hardly ever ends well and you deserve someone who wants you wholly.

Of course, this is all easy for me to say, as I'm not the one to experience it. But I think if I were you, I would take this album release as an opportunity to think about what you deserve and how you can use the songs to process your feelings. Because the important thing is, you deserve more, and you're not getting it, whether it's on purpose or not.

<3 <3 <3 <3 Sending you all the love!

Also, naming you deserving anon in case you want to update/write back!

[kas-the-forty-third]

> be me

> it's a rainy and really grey depressing day, I'm in a bad mood

> it's 16 uhr and getting darker already

> I slowly crawl to the ubahn when I see someone entering the church across from uni

> oh so it's open

> I decide to go to visit, I have some time until the sbahn comes anyway

> so I enter a church alone, all by myself, for the first time in my life

> i generally stay away from them and enter reluctantly even with others

> apparently I was right to do so...

> so anyway I enter

> most dimly lit church I ever saw

> it literally was only luminated by the various candles and maybe two lights at the altar

> also it's empty, except for the woman I saw entering earlier, who's sitting in the first row (and silently praying I guess)

> it's really really silent

> I'm making the only noise (I try to make as few as possible tho)

> so I wander around and look at the murals and windows and saints and stuff

> not my favourite church tbh

> I get back to the middle row to go to the altar

> there's another woman there?

> was she already in here?

> I didn't hear her enter?

> I didn't hear her at all?

> anyway I go to look at the altar fresco (2nd largest in the world apparently)

> impressive and big especially in a half dim light

> I hope giant Jesus won't peel off the wall and come and get me

> i stand one step behind the woman who mysteriously appeared

> walk away as soon as she stirrs

> wander around some more

> the woman I saw entering didn't move a bit all this time she's like some saint statue by herself

> walk to the exit, exactly after mysterious woman

> she also crosses the street with me but I never saw her face

> it started raining

> now I arrived at the sbahn

> I have to stand nearly all the way

> it's raining buckets

> so I have arrived and get off the train, umbrella ready

> the rain turns to snow as soon as I step out of the train

> ???

> biggest fucking snowflakes ever

> finally home, haha I made it

> but I am not save, not yet

> fast forward later that evening

> I feel sick as fuck and vomit everything I have left in my stomach and later everything that there isn't left

> I only finally stop actively wanting to puke at 2am

> feel sick for the next few days, sudden high fever too

> doctor says it's nothing

> feel miserable for three day

> then Sunday I wake up

> no fever whatsoever anymore

> don't feel sick at all anymore

> I'm just completely normal again?

> I'm nearly convinced I was cursed

> never entering a church on my own ever again

> god hates my guts (quite literally)

[cupuasu]

loooove december break!! i genuinely thought this was one of the most mentally exhausting semesters of my life. it felt like it was never ending yet at the same time like i had 100000 things to do and send it over to the professors like yesterday. and i have never been so bad at communication as i was the past 6 months. i'd forget to say things and when i could say them i chose not to. literally snowballed itself into horrible hurried projects. it all started so chill i literally didn't worry that 1) laptop wasnt working 2) only signed in for two classes 3) i needed to change my table and chair because my back is RUINED. of course that all got solved along the way but it'd be easier if i had fixed those three things back in july break, i think i'm a masochist when it comes to things like this, i see the whip coming and i just stand there motionless. like as soon as it was 12:01 02/12/2023 i felt like i needed to scream freedom lol

then these days honestly i didn't even feel anything at all (other than that temporary extreme relief that it was over). because it just all feels so pointless. i will go thru all of this again next semester because i'm already fucking up now (signed for classes i know i can't handle because everyone tells me "i need to challenge myself if i want to get better", signed for mandatory unpaid internship as if the PAID one i did last year didn't absolutely kill me). part of me just wants to finish this stupid fucking shit by next year (impossible bc i still have like 20 classes left to do). i love architecture but university really sucks your soul out. they (society and the job market) kill your inspiration then they kill your will to live. i look around this city and everything is so ugly and useless and not functional and it tries so hard to look clean and modern it ends up just being fake and empty. if i go into private stuff i'll get insane clients that'll want the ugliest dumbest shit ever built, if i go into the public one the government has no sense of self and just tries to copy whatever's trending on the southeast/south or usa/europe as if it would work or as if they had money. like jesus christ think locally. all these ugly glass boxy buildings are gonna be the end of us, these dumb empty parks are doing more harm than good, stop restoring historical buildings if you're just gonna abandon them again. if i see anything in a beige palette i go in a rabid rage like where is the life where's the originality? sure overly-regional things can be cringe and people in the north and especially in my city have a terminal case of vira-latice. ideally i'd have started uni in 2017 and finished it in 2021 and moved on to whatever the future may hold but im MENTALLY ILLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! did 2 semesters then took a gap year then came back to uni and i'm just as lost as i felt in 2017. I FEEL STUCK IN TIME!!!!!! sure if i had done it "normally" i wouldn't even be here because i would have For Real killed myself. to be quite honest i didn't even think i was gonna make it past 13 years old and here i am 10 years later pushing thru it and all i got from it is that i should've thrown myself out of the damn 15th floor of a building when i had the chance in 2013. like genuinely genuinely speaking whenever i look around whenever i go out society and the world just seems to get worse. i can still see beauty in some things but it feels like staring at a small flower in a world where everything is destroyed. i can distract myself as much as i want to but the sense of doom and the sense of me being a waste of a life NEVER goes away.

and on the topic of distractions i have been using my phone so much it's making my brain go insane so i'm trying to not use it as much (12h screentime.....) sadly i haven't been able to focus on drawing or reading or writing or doing anything that is "by me for me" because i cannot focus. i feel soulless yet so depressed. seeing dead bodies and people fighting and suffering so hard just to live daily definitely made it worse but i feel bad saying that because it's like 'oh no this horrible thing is happening and i can't do anything except watch' bc there's ppl Going thru that horrible thing. i will always have an undying respect for palestinians and i think in fact watching all this made me realise how resiliant and strong ppl can be. and also how evil some ppl can be, i have never seen someone as inhuman as z**nists like the more i learn the angrier i get. and this is silly but sites like twitter (for me at least) there were a endless stream of them. no matter how many i blocked there would always be more. here at tumblr i guess i curated my dash very well and i don't use the for you tab here so i don't see them at all (thank god). yet you'll always find out someome at staff is a z**nist or something like that (same happens in other sites) and it's wow no matter how good my dash/timeline is these are all still a morally failed site owned and/or run by losers and i wish i wasn't as chronically online so i'd delete every account on every website and never use the internet again.

the only thing that has made me sort of zone out and forget life is gaming. i've been playing stardew valley like my life depends on it and sadly i can't even put mods on switch so i'm genuinely #grinding. i'm on year two winter and i got so much stuff already (my first time playing had me on year four fall and i didn't have half of what i have now). also last month my mom bought ssd cards for our laptops and i was able to redownload genshin so i'm playing it a lot again. i really missed kazuha and xinyan i feel like i have a slight delusion thing where characters genuinely bring me joy. also i haven't played genshin in sooooo long my hands forgot how to use the keyboard (and i've been losing fine motor skills lately but i'll talk about that later) and i was so used to playing zelda that i mixed up some of the world dynamics. i'd be like where are the sky islands i need to look at the map from above, why can't i mark things far away with a camera so i can check later, how do i see hero's path i need to know if i've been here before, why is it so hard to aim, why can't i parry, why don't the enemies drop decent loot. and also i'd be annoyed by common genshin stuff like the endless amount of text and dialogue like my GOD let me skip. i don't care!!!! i stopped reading text after the raiden shogun quest now i just skip everything!!!! why are the cutscenes so boring!!!!! why is every archon quest the same!!!!! but i love open world games. i love long quests. i love exploring. i love puzzles. hate the gacha system though. i haven't played in over a year and i thought when i'd come back there'd be 27827383 notifications and primogems STACKED for me to use and yet i wasnt surprised when there wasn't anything bc mihoyo is the worst company on earth and capitalism is the end of us. kinda sad i missed the birthday event and lost a cute fontaine companion though. by the way the flying and diving system is so broken (to me at least) and it's sooooo uncomfortable. my fingers are on the WASD keys and the space key and the shift like jesus christ this sucks. i got too used to using the switch and having a controller and the gyroscope and the comfort of it all lol.

the fine motor skills worsening started this year i think. i can't pinpoint exactly why or when but i think it was a mix of a bunch of things. i've been sedentary my whole life so my bones and joints are all fucked. i've been sitting ans standing wrong my whole life and my bones/muscles just adapted to it so now when i try to fix it, it hurts like hell. i'm pretty sure one of my legs is way shorter than the other. back to my fingers, i noticed that i wasnt able to type on my phone as fast as i did in the past. couldn't move them that fast anymore. felt like there was some sort of lag or glitch on the brain-to-hand connection. didn't pay much attention to that cos who cares how fast i can type. then i wasnt able to type on a keyboard properly, then not able to hold things properly, and now my hands just feel sort of numb and/or slow compared to before. fine for me though, i feel like i need to slow down when i do projects or when i'm gaming. i always get too much into it (and often at the last minute) then my body pays the price. the last project this semester had me up for 2 days and on the verge of an psychotic episode for another 4.

oh and to top it all off my laptop hard drive decided to kill itself in the middle of the semester. it was showing signs of giving up waaaay before that and i didn't know any better and didn't look into it. i'm still very hurt over it. there were SO many photos and SO many videos and documents and audios and music. my lifetime was there. and now it's gone and i still can't believe it. so mamy personal moments and also a lot of work i made and collected just gone forever in the void that is technology. i will never be able to see the baby pictures of my dogs and i won't be able to see the videos i took when i traveled with my family and i won't be able to read things i wrote when i was 13 and i won't be able to see pictures of myself growing up over the years and i wont be able to see all the pictures i saved of my online friends and i wont be able to listen to all the music i downloaded or watch the movies i downloaded or read those pdfs and i won't be able to use the billion autocad blocks that took me years to organize and i won't be able to make a portfolio bc my work and the proof of its existence is not there and i wont be able to play the games i had in those specific save files...... its like it never existed. like i have never felt a loss like this in my entire life. literally my burning of alexandria lol they will always exist on my mind of course, but i must also be experiencing some sort of early on set dementia because i forget EVERYTHING unless it's in front of me. so there's also the loss of the loss because everything i had in that hard drive died and it will also die in my memories.

and my phone fell last month i think and now the camera app doesn't open and i havent been able to take pictures. it's funny cos after i had my iphone stolen in 2019 and had to buy the one i have now (cheap and low quality) i thought i stopped taking pictures of everything. but man these days made me realise i unconsciously photograph things. i try to open my camera almost by muscle memory then watch it close itself and glitch. now i've been trying to write things down or just memorize them, which has been hard bc of my hands and my bad brain. but it's fun. analog almost. i get to appreciate and look at things more carefully with my own two eyes now instead of "ill take a pic and look at it later". and man, is the sky beautiful!!! the leaves are beautiful, the sky is beautiful!!! even the ants on the ground are!!

and its kinda early, but i do feel my body age also. probs due to me being unhealthy and normally old = sick. my back hurts so bad for sitting and standing and existing and sitting on a bad chair on a bad table for years, im really glad for being able 2 go the doc and get physio therapy and my posture fixed. i want a tank to make me flat cartoon style, that'd fix my pain!!! my posture doc kinda is weirded out by me (im too hairy and too awkward) but the therapist doesnt care at all. theyve really be relieving my shoulder pain, i wonder if there's still a way to fix it... itd be genuinely life saving

[lostacelonnie]

Hi welcome back! God i feel that life has been wild lately so i totally understand. Oh hey no worries ive been in a boat too of like. Man i really want to do this thing but my energy just isnt there. Yikes i hope you enter a stage of having more rest time soon. 8 exams? What the hell thats too many. Baking is a fun hobby i love to partake in that one myself. I like to make sweet breads & such. & its good to have a hobby to like. Pull yourself out of your head when stuff like school gets to be too much. Having to exist in public unfortunately means people will sometimes try to talk to you when you just. Want to go about your day. That is surprising but i also went to school with mostly a bunch of pricks who were awful people so. Had to look up what gran canaria is but it sounds like a nice place id love to visit sometime. Clearly schools work on fae rules. I will save for ruan mei i swear. After i pull archeron. I got black swan with the free pulls i had saved so im hoping to nab archeron. I instantly fell in love with her. Very nice clara supremacy she is so good. One day ill have her on main. I think i stopped at tb 60 so i can work on a few characters but the artifact grind hates me. Oh that sounds real interesting i cant wait to see it play out i just finished the bit where cocolia turned bronya & took the one herrscher at uh. Ch 3 end? Oh i know that one! Catarina my beloved she's so stupid i love her. Easily one of the best protags in recent memory. Dunmeshi is real good so far ive been enjoying it & seeing my girl marcille animated is everything i hoped for. Love my favorite fail girl elf. Im caught up on penacony & still dont understand the racist sparkle thing. Might be i wasnt fully paying attention at the time though. Seele confirmed for best girl by all herscherrs. Oh she must have a good amount of lore im excited to read that. Oh so thats what that means okay. Kinda love that it sounds fun. & more good natured than when people here say that about america. Good luck on surviving i believe in you!

HI THANK YOU!!!! god it really has. and the weather here has been so gloomy recently that i have no energy to do anything even if i have the time. the horrors are endless but we stay silly. and thankies once again!!! i MIRACULOUSLY managed to not fail anything so were all good. unfortunately this month is also already packed but luckily its stuff i more or less either know [polish] or like [geography]. and two of the teachers i disliked got fired AJDKFJG. history guy for offering to raise students' grades if they go around spreading konfederacja [a polish extremely far-right party] flyers and that math teacher who couldnt count for saying hitler was a good person. just another day in a polish school, i guess. but both of our replacement teachers are very cool so we're so back. god yeah totally!!! not only do i have something to do for a while but i ALSO get to eat at the end. literally a win/win situation. yeah that Is annoying but as i mentioned its luckily not as common over here.... and ouhggh pain. gran canaria is VERY beautiful but id also like to visit the other canary islands someday...... the carnival on tenerife is one of the, if not the biggest, ones in spain so thatd be fun to see as well. i only missed the celebrations on gran canaria by one day which was quite annoying but oh well. GOD YEAH. im still convinced School Air is a thing bc i simply cannot explain so many things without that assumption. GOOD LUCK WITH BOTH RUAN MEI AND ACHERON!!! im also saving for acheron hehehehe. strange woman and a mei expy so shes a must pull. and also congrats on the black swan!!!! i agree clara is just. cracked. she has carried me through this game and she continues to do so. tho sim uni gold and gears is kinda beating my ass ngl. since i only have the nodes that require full cognition range left to do. oh absolutely fair, i did that for a while and rn am doing the same but with tl 65. but i DID manage to finallyyyyyy max out wolfie's skills the other day so thats done. i do want to get one better artifact for her but i have chars im prioritizing a bit more. and same the artifact grind hates everyone i think. planar ornaments are much easier to grind imo or at least I Personally have much better luck with them than with cavern of corrosion stuff. but that may also be because i genuinely enjoy doing sim uni so it doesnt feel like as much as a chore as coc. AND OH HAVE FUN THEN!!!! the wendy arc, ironically, is the event that kinda butterfly effect causes Literally The Whole game. CATARINA IS VERY FUN YEAH i look forward to finally continuing that.... and dunmesh as well......... oh and with the sparkle thing afaik its much more prominent in the chinese version because. now dont quote me on this because I Do Not Speak Chinese but i have heard that when talking to aventurine, she uses an Actual Chinese Slur Against Romani People. which. not cool. but yeah its somewhat of a strange issue and ive seen a lot of different opinions from both sides so tbh idk where i stand on the whole thing. SEELE 🔛🔝!!! and dw im Working on the summary but ive also realized how much time its gonna take me to write down All Of That so please give me some time i promise ill get it done asap but ah. and yeah its very fun!! i generally feel like a lot of polish humor [ESPECIALLY online but irl as well] isnt quite as. Patriotic as that of the us. but to each their own adjfkjs. AND THANK YOU o7!!!!

[ivy-saurs]

the fact that i’m gonna have to go back to living at my mum’s house after graduating from uni is honestly terrifying me, i just don’t feel safe living with this family. my mum is completely unaccepting of my mental illness and my brother is just a complete cunt

[tracksidequeen]

The Secret Seduction

Summary: Suspiciously, your dad’s best friend and business partner comes over a lot for dinner. You’re determined to get to the bottom of it, quite literally.

Request: DadsBestFriend!Toto fic plssss

Warnings: 18+, dad’s best friend-trope, smut, Soft!Dom!Toto, light choking, sexual teasing, cunnilingus (oral performed on female), degradation kink and praise kink, wrap it before you tap it, overstimulation, manhandling, daddy kink. 

Words: 2.9k+ (pure smut)

********

“Darling, can you open the door?”

You hear your father shout from his study as the doorbell rings, announcing the arrival of tonight’s dinner guest. It was never quiet during dinner - always someone around, perhaps to cover up the fact that your family could not function without a distraction. But well - if that means a specific someone to come over more often than usual, so be it. 

“Hurry!” Your mom shouts while you’re adjusting your hair in the foyer mirror. “Yea, yea!!”

“Hello, mr Wolff!” you say with a bright smile as soon as you open the front door and his eyes widen with delight. “Hey, what a nice surprise to see you’re back!” You beckon him to come inside after he gives you a lingering hug. “Come in, come in. Let me take your coat.” He places the bottle of wine he brought as a gift on the hallway table, and slides his coat off his shoulders. “I can undress myself darling.” You brush your hand over his arm, following the seam of his coat, “but isn’t it more fun if I do it?” His eyes narrow as a smirk appears on his face.

“Haa, Toto, what’s taking so long, come here!” your father barges in and pulls Toto in for a sturdy handshake. “How have you been man?” He chuckles deeply at Toto’s question and looks at you. “Better since our smart-ass is back in town. She makes everything more perfect.” “I bet. Uni decided to give you a week off?” Toto laughs in your direction. “Finally, yea.” “Better spent your time wisely, enjoying yourself, relaxing - you deserve it,” he says, and winks knowing your father won’t see as he’s with his back to him.

Toto and your father were doing business in his office until dinner was ready and you decided to help your mum set the table. “Darling?!” You hear your father shout once again. “You go,” your mom said with a chuckle. “Yes,” you say as you peek your head in his office and you walk in, finding your father and Toto sat in the leather armchairs with a half-empty glass of whiskey in their hand. “Could you be a doll and get a new bottle from the cellar?” “C’mon Ed, you can’t make her do that! She’s not you maid,” he laughed calling out your father. “I’ll get it.” “No, you’re our guest Toto.” “Nonsense,” he says and lifts himself out of his chair and stumbles out of the office, but you see him struggle.

“Need some directions?” He turns around with a smile on his face, “yea, that’d be nice.” “Follow me.” You walk in front of him through the hallway and he places a his hand on your shoulder, making you look back. “In case I get lost again.” You chuckle, “better safe than sorry, right?” “Not sure if ‘safe’ is the right word when I’m around you.” You stop walking and hold the door handle, before turning around, “scared of what an innocent girl might do to you.” 

He takes a step closed leaving only inches between your bodies and he places his hand over yours on the door handle. “You’re not that innocent missy, and no, I’m scared of what side of me those siren eyes will bring out.” “I hope it’s the bad side,” you say biting your lip. “You need to watch it miss. Now open the door.” 

“Make me.”

“Not sure if you want that,” he says lowering his head to your ear and whispers, “because once that part of me is out I won’t be taking it easy.” “Just how I like it,” you challenge him, and you trace your hand over his chest down towards his belt and you hold him firmly. “Not here,” he says pulling your hand off his crotch and opening the door with his other hand still placed over yours’. 

You close the door behind you and follow him down the stairs, but before reaching the bottom he turns around. He’s multiple steps down, but with his height he’s still at eye level with you, and his hand reaches to grab your waist. “Did you put on this short dress for me?” You place your hand over him and wander it over your body, down to the hem at the bottom between your legs. “Do you like it?” “It’s hot,” he says under his breath and places his hands behind your thighs to lift you up. 

With your legs wrapped around his waist he carries you down the stairs while your teasingly play with his hair and hover your lips in front of his. Inches removed, but not yet touching. You put it out there, now he needs to make the first move. “How bad do you want me?” you ask him. “Not as bad you want me,” he challenges to rile you up. But you won’t give in. Never. “Yet you’re the one that keeps coming over for dinner every other week, exactly the weekends I’m in town,” you say with a tilted head. “How convenient.” He laughs because he realises you’re on to him, “I thought I was subtle.”

“Well, you’re not. Especially not with the way you look at me during dinner.” He grabs your arm and directs you backwards against the wine shelves. “And how’s that?” You pull him in closer. “Like you want to rip off my clothes, and take me so well and so hard that I’ll be shouting your name until I lose my voice.” A devious smile is planted on his face as he pulls down the strap of your dress with one finger. “And you were the one convincing me you were innocent.”

You look up at him with dough eyes, “but daddy I am.” “Fuck don’t do that,” he grunts under his breath as he pushes his body against yours. “Why? Because I make you hard?” you say teasingly, as he bites his lip to resist the temptation burning inside him to kiss you. “Oh and you were the one convincing me you don’t want me that bad, weren’t you?” 

You try to slither away from the tight confines he had placed you in, trapping you between his body and the shelves, but as you try to go away he holds you more firmly. “Stay.” His voice sounds different than usual. More stern and demanding. His eyes reflect a yearning glint. Right back in the position you were before, he starts tracing his index finger over your cheek, down your neck, over your chest between your cleavage, and squeezes your breast with his whole hand as he presses the outline of his hard cock against your stomach. “Think you can take me?” he asks and kisses your neck with a little too much suction knowing it might leave a faint mark.

“Want to watch me try?”

The hand that was parked on your breast quickly made its way down your body at the seduction of your words. “Touch me, Toto.” His fingers hike up your dress a little more, exposing your skin. Softly he traces the inside of your thigh, alternating between a light touch and hard pressure, digging his fingers in your skin and gliding them upwards under your dress. You close your eyes and lean your head back against the wall, feeling every sensation soar through your body.

Gently he pulls aside the fabric of your panty, but that gentleness contrasts the eagerness with which he coats his fingers with your honey and slides one in with full force. You shiver under his touch, his long fingers reaching depths you couldn’t and your feel sparkles soar through your body as he pumps his finger in and out. Still with your eyes closed and your head arched back he whispers in your ear, “you like it when I touch you like that, little slut, don’t you?” Without being able to muster up the words you frantically nod yes, and you open your eyes.

You find him smiling at you satisfied, knowing you let him have full control over you as you spread your legs a little wider for him. The soppy noise of his finger gliding in and out your pussy fills the room and he arches his finger against your g-spot. Immediately you stand on your tippy toes, but in response Toto places his thumb on your clit and starts drawing circles. Your honey drips down your legs and you get light headed under his touch. “Fuck Toto, this feels so good,” you moan a little too loud. “Fuck!” “Quiet darling, or else we’ll have to stop,” he says as he teasingly increases the speed of his pumps and the stroke of his thumb nearly sending you over the edge, making you moan louder.

“You’re not good at following commands, are you? Now do as I say,” he demands as he crouches down, hikes up your shirt and pulls down your panty. Before lowering it completely he flicks his tongue against your bud shooting electricity through your spine. He proceeds to lower it. “One foot up.” He helps you take it off. “Other foot.” He stands back up. “Open your mouth.” He stuffs your panty in your mouth and closes it holding his hand over your jaw. “Now, I need you to be as quiet as possible. Capiche?” You nod your head. “Good girl.”

“Since you were so keen on undressing me... go ahead.” With your mouth full you trance your hand over his stomach down to his belt, but the moment your fingers touch his belt, his finger enters your tight pussy again. Trying to focus on undoing his belt and pulling down his pants you feel your own knees get weak as his fingers skilfully massage your clit to the point of painful throbbing. 

You look at him as he’s standing in his white boxers, and he nods his head, indicating you to continue. You curl your fingers behind the elastic as his fingers curl inside your tight walls, and you pull it down, his big veiny cock hard and ready. You look at it with widened eyes, not sure how he would fit. Knowing very well you’ll feel the after math for days to come. “Get my wallet out of my pocket,” he commands and you do as he says. Out of his wallet he takes a condom wrapper and tears it open with his teeth before skilfully putting it on.

“You ready?” he asks as he kneads your breast and pinches your nipple, but you knew better than to respond with words after he very clearly told you to be quiet by stuffing your mouth. You merely look at him with sultry eyes, and he spits in his hand giving his cock a few good pumps. “Let me show you how a real man fucks. Nothing like those lame college boys you’re used to.”

With ease he lifts you off the floor and manoeuvres your pussy right above his cock. Your legs wrap around his waist for more stability, but with the force he drops you down on his cock, spitting open the tight walls of your pussy with your ass slamming against his hips, there is nothing that could’ve offered more stability or precaution. The intense sensation of his girth rubbing against your insides, the feeling of his balls slamming against your skin and his pubic bone butting pressure on your clit had you stuck in a high you never felt before. “So proud of my little girl, now show daddy how good you can take me.” 

He thrusts his hips up, making you bounce up and down his shaft making wet noises fill the room, only making him hungry for more. You tilt your head backwards to try and compose the intense sensation, and he kisses your exposed neck. “Look at me.” You do as he says, a strand of hair sticks against his forehead and you see him bite his lip, realising he is struggling to keep it together as well and you feel his rock-hard cock throb against the inside of your pussy. 

“Can you be quiet for me?” You nod your head yes as he pumps his cock in you deeper, as a challenge. To test you. To see if you really listen to him. But you do as he says and with difficulty you keep quiet. Satisfied he takes your underwear out of your mouth, throws it on the floor, and starts kissing you with hunger. He presses his mouth against yours, his tongue slipping inside making laps around yours, now and then slowing down to bite your lip, only to then go back for more; all the while you’re bouncing on his cock, climbing to an ecstatic high. 

He pushes you harder against the wall behind you for more stability, and instead of bouncing you on his cock, he starts fucking you hard. Taking the reins in his own hands, and thrusting his cock deep in your sensitive wetness. “You’re taking me so well, now show me how you look when I finish you.” As he was speaking those words you fucked you harder, deeper, so good that your eyes rolled back and stars entered your vision. His cock rubbed at a dangerous pace against your g-spot and with the contraction of all the muscles in your body and your head arching backwards you gasp for air as your orgasm flows through your body. 

Your whole body shakes under his touch, and as your walls convulse he cums inside you as he continues thrusting in your pussy, rising off the waves of your orgasms as you milk his cock. His heavy moans fill your ear and your pussy contracts again with arousal as you get back your senses. “You did that so well baby, I’m proud of you.” He kisses your mouth, breaking up your already unsteady breathing pattern and your nails dig in the back of his neck.

“Toto that was insane,” you say finally catching your breath and you kneel down, after he took off his condom, to pull his pants back up again. You close his zipper and belt, and pat it contently. “I got your seal of approval.” “You bet you do, daddy,” you say as you stand on your tippy toes to give him a kiss on his sweaty cheek. You adjust your dress and kneel down again to grab your underwear, but before you could put it on he stops you. “Give it.” 

You do as he says and he puts the lace underwear in his pocket. “It’s mine now,” he says teasingly. “You know it was already yours to begin with.” “Good to know for next time.” He traces his hand over your neck and puts pressure on your throat, making your swollen clit throb. He looks over your shoulder, and with the flip of a switch his demeanour changes.

“Ah it’s this one we’re looking for.” He grabs the bottle of whiskey off the shelf and takes your hand to guide you up the stairs again. As you’re walking up you arched your ass a little more back, knowing very well you were flashing your bare pussy in front of his eyes. He thinks he owns you, but you’re the one that got him wrapped around your finger, leaving him wanting more. He tries to hike up your dress, by playing with the seam as you make your way up, but you swat his hand away. “Compose yourself mister.” He laughs deviously and gives you a wink, but as soon as you step foot again in the hallway he switches back to normal. “Let’s go,” he says as you walk back to your dads office.

The office is empty and he looks at you confused, worried your secret affair might have taken up too much time. “They’re probably already in the dining room,” you say. “There you are!” your mom says the moment you enter the room with Toto. “Found everything?” your dad asks. “What took you so long?” Toto sits down on the empty seat at the table and you sit next to him. “Toto knows so much about the different wines we have in the cellar, he explained it all to me.” “Lost track of time,” Toto continues with your fib. “You have an impressive collection down there.”

The rest of the evening there is a tension in the air, an unspoken yearning for something unspeakable. You know Toto feels it too, it’s plain right obvious. With every brush off his finger on yours as he asked you to pass the salt, pepper, and salad bowl about a million times. As the night came to an end your parents said goodbye to Toto, but you lingered behind in the hallway as he put on his coat.

“Want me to help?” you ask and you pull the fabric over his broad shoulders. “You love dressing me, don’t you?” You shrug your shoulders indifferent, “undressing you is more fun tho, especially when you command me to.” “Well then, when can we do that again? Since you like it so much.” You smile at him with sultry eyes, knowing you got him wrapped around your finger. “You gotta have a little patience mister. I don’t know when I’ll be back in town again, uni sorta keeps me busy, you know?” 

He merely chuckles in response and you open the door for him to leave. The crisp cold air cuts against your bear skin, and as he walks towards his car he turns around. "I’ll visit you there, and fuck you all night long - like those college boys wish they could.”

-------

[idy-ll-ique]

A Good Look.

Pairing: Mob Boss!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Genre: major angst, lil bit of fluff

Warnings: mentions of blood and wounds, domestic violence (no graphic descriptions). hella curse words in one paragraph. one infinity war reference ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Requested: nope

Summary: reader works at a bar owned by the notorious mob boss. he immediately takes a liking to her; unfortunately, she's taken. but is she happy in her relationship? hm, not quite...

Author's Note: hiya peeps! enjoy!

masterlist

---

For her, it started small. It was her first day working. When Y/N had seen him walk into the bar, flanked by two of his closest friends, sure— for a moment, she was stunned, as were the other women working with her, but then as soon as he was out of sight, she returned to her work, ignoring her friends as they talked about the man.

Y/N knew better. She knew the kind of man he was, the way he was with a different woman almost every day and she knew better than to develop any kind of feelings for him. Plus, she was a taken woman herself, thinking about another man while being in a relationship with someone had to be wrong, right?

That's why she wanted an out— to break up with her current boyfriend. And he even made it easier for her by being the worst fucking boyfriend on the planet earth. She had hundreds of reasons as to why she was breaking up with him, the only question was when she could do it. Anyway, back to James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes...

Y/N couldn't help it. She went from ignoring him, to stealing small glances at him, to dreaming about him to thinking about him 24/7 in a matter of months.

Y/N worked as a bartender at one of the bars that the mobster owned. Heck, Bucky Barnes owned half the city, but that bar was one of his favorite places to visit. He went there everyday, most days not having a drink, but keeping a watchful gaze on the events that took place around the bar. There would be fights sometimes, and sometimes, the older men would hit on the young bartenders.

He didn't care, of course he didn't. That is, until he saw her. The moment he laid his eyes on her, her name still unknown to him, he was enamored. He kept looking over at her as she worked, sometimes giggling along with the other bartenders, sometimes cracking jokes that made all of them keel over in laughter.

Every time he saw her laughing, his heart fluttered in his chest and a warmth settled over him. He felt light-headed and giddy, even though he didn't drink. Within a few months, he was sure, he wanted her to be his indefinitely. Y/N, however, was shocked at his behavior, not knowing that she was the one who stole his heart.

His promiscuity stopped within the first week of him noticing Y/N. He no longer had one-night stands, no more dames by his side as he attended lavish parties, and the news had caught on. Who is the woman who won the mobster's affections? Y/N had read in a paper one morning. She felt… kind of relieved that he wasn't a playboy anymore.

It wasn't a good look on him.

---

Y/N was cleaning the counter with a rag when she heard the door opening and closing. Ugh, another customer. She looked up and grimaced as she saw one of the old, pervy bastards sitting in front of her, a smile on his face. "Good evening, sir, what can I get you?" She kept the annoyance from seeping into her voice.

He gave her his order and leaned forward, which caused Y/N to unconsciously lean back. "Change your mind today?" he smirked, picking up the glass just as Y/N set it down in front of him, causing their fingers to brush. She shuddered. "No," she replied politely, glancing around the room, hoping someone would come save her. As if. That's when their eyes met.

Y/N found herself staring at the man of her dreams, who was sitting in the corner of the bar with his friends. And he was staring straight back at her. Y/N gulped and turned away from him, instead focusing on the man in front of her who was shamelessly flirting with the woman who had to be at least 20 years younger than him.

"Stop flirting with my employee and let her do her job."

The entire bar froze the moment James Buchanan Barnes got up from his seat, heading towards Y/N. Y/N's breath caught in her throat at his cool but threatening tone as he stared at the pervert, his eyebrows raised. The bar was silent as the man gulped and backed away from the counter, running out of the door like a chicken. Y/N stared at the floor.

"Hey."

She looked up and audibly gulped again, wincing in embarrassment when she realized that he had to know how scared she was. "Mr Barnes," she greeted, though it came out more like a squeak as her voice cracked. Please, go away, don't stand so close to me, I can't take it, go away, she kept muttering in her head.

"You okay?" he asked gently, not wanting the poor woman to collapse from anxiety. Some sadistic part of him liked it that she was so afraid of him, but mostly, he just wanted to make her feel comfortable. "Yeah." Y/N relaxed a bit at his question when she realized he wasn't going to hurt or fire her.

"Good." Then he walked away like he hadn't just set Y/N's entire body on fire by talking to her. As he sat back down on his seat, he inwardly cursed himself for not asking her her name. I don't even know the name of the woman I have fallen head over heels for, nice going Barnes! Gah! He ran a hand through his hair, glaring at nothing in particular.

He stayed until it was closing time, and found out something so incredible that his heart soared at the information. Y/N was the only employee who stayed until closing time. Y/N groaned loudly in the seemingly empty bar as she swept the place, not noticing the mobster boss sitting in the dark corner, watching her.

"Fuck you, Y/N. Fuck. You. Literally. What was the fucking reason?!" Y/N grumbled to herself, her voice reverberating off the walls in the empty place. "He was just checking up on you. Why the fuck did you treat him like he was the monster?! You dumbass. Ugh, I'm gonna have to make it up to him; what if he fires me?!" Y/N couldn't help the tears.

"He checked up on you and no thank you. What an ungrateful little bitch you are, you… you fucking idiot," Y/N continued speaking through the tears. "Maybe a free drink when he comes back tomorrow? Hah, as if, he owns the fucking bar. What should I do? Sleep with him? As if. Fuck. Shit."

"How about we start by washing your mouth with a soapbar, doll?"

Y/N froze when she heard him. Oh God, he was still here. "M-Mr Barnes?" she stammered, turning towards the voice. Bucky got up from his seat and strode towards her, making sure to keep some distance between them as he stopped in front of her. "Do you always ramble to yourself while you work?" he questioned amusedly.

When she had started rambling, he was confused. Who was she talking about? Then, he connected the dots. At first he was a bit amused but as her speech continued, he couldn't take it. How can someone degrade themselves so much? Y/N couldn't answer him, her vocal cords tied in a knot in her throat.

"I asked you something, and I'm waiting for an answer." At the authoritative tone she looked up at him, her eyes wide. "I— uh, yeah, it's— it's, um, become a habit," she muttered, breathing heavily. What was he going to do to her? "You shouldn't cuss yourself out so much, doll," he frowned, crossing his arms. And without thinking, she replied, "Sorry."

"That man was clearly bothering you, I did what I had to do. I didn't expect anything in return. Sure, a thank you would've been nice," he teased lightly, "But please, never talk to yourself like that ever again, okay?" His gentleness turned something inside of Y/N and suddenly, she felt relaxed. Like she had known him for years.

"Okay. Oh, and, thank you." She gave him a smile so winsome that all he wanted to do was hold her against him and never let go. "Hold on, maybe there is something you can do." The smile disappeared, replaced by a frown. "What is it?" she asked him, blinking. "Can we talk? Maybe you can tell me about yourself, and I can get to know you better."

So she did. Both of them sat at the bar with Bucky's favorite beer poured in mugs, talking. Y/N told him about how she was a university student, and that she had taken the job because she was in need of money. "You aren't scared? A lot of shit happens here, doll," Bucky commented, sipping his beer. "I don't know… it doesn't faze me as much as it should."

"And me! I'm the most dangerous man in the city and yet, you agreed to sit here with me, alone." At that, a smile bloomed on Y/N's face, the beer getting to her head, loosening her up. She looked away from him, almost shyly. "You saved me today, Mr Barnes. How can I not trust the guy who saved me?" Bucky's heart started hammering in his chest.

"Thank you, Y/N, that means a lot," he spoke sincerely. "You're welcome! So, uh, I actually have to go to uni early tomorrow, so… I'd like to go home, please?" He immediately nodded at her words, helping her off the stool. He even helped her finish her chores before she locked the main door and turned around, smiling at Bucky.

"Well, this is it, I guess. Goodbye, Mr Barnes."

"Let me drop you home, please." And he did, pestering her until she agreed to get in his car. She insisted her apartment building was only a 15-minute walk away from the bar, but he wouldn't listen. "A lot can happen in 15 minutes, doll." And Y/N couldn't help but snort. "That's what she said." Her joke made him laugh so hard that he almost swerved the car into the sidewalk.

As Y/N stared at the laughing man, she felt tingly inside. Her feelings rushed to her; butterflies in her stomach. When they reached home, again, he insisted on dropping her off at her apartment, but Y/N declined. And this time, he didn't fight it. "Goodnight, Mr Barnes," she told him with a sweet smile, leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek.

He had been such a gentleman that day, he deserved it. "Bucky will do, my love. Be safe, okay? We'll meet tomorrow." With that, he drove off.

And for the first time in months, Y/N went to sleep happy, giddy and absolutely satisfied.

So did Bucky.

---

After that one incident in the bar, Y/N and Bucky became close. When he was at the bar, Y/N was the center of his attention. He was the one who now sat in front of her, talking to her about his day and asking her about hers. "Tell me about your uni, doll," or, "Do you know what they did to me today? Ugh! Maniacs!"

Soon, everyone in the bar started giving them space. They knew the two were not sleeping together, but Barnes had, at last, found a female friend. How did they know the two were not sleeping together, you ask? Simple. Y/N still had a boyfriend. An abusive one, so she didn't tell Barnes.

After finding out about the events that had taken place at the bar that day between Y/N and Bucky, her boyfriend had reached new heights of jealousy and insecurity, not hesitating to raise a hand on his own girlfriend as he blatantly accused her of cheating on him with the mobster. It wasn't true by a long shot, and it hurt.

Y/N hadn't told Bucky about her boyfriend, because she knew that if she told him, he'd kill her boyfriend. She was about to break up with him anyway, so getting Bucky involved would only create more problems. A peaceful break up, and it was over. Unfortunately, peace was not involved on the day of the inevitable break up...

Bucky was already at the bar, but was grumpy since Y/N wasn't there. He was so desperate that he had asked one of her friends if she knew where the woman was. But the other woman could only shake her head, indicating that she didn't know. Bucky ran a hand through his hair, his eyes trailing to the door the moment he heard it opening. He froze.

Everybody did.

Y/N was standing there, a very noticeable dark red patch on her white t-shirt. When she noticed that everyone was staring at her, especially Bucky, it made her nervous. Should've stayed at home. For a moment, she actually did consider going back out through the door but Bucky spoke up first. "Y/N, come here. Everyone out, bar's closed."

His tone was something she had never heard before. A mixture of annoyance, hurt, worry, but mostly anger. In another scenario, the scene of all the people scrambling out of the tiny door would've been extremely hilarious. But here, no one was laughing. Y/N stood frozen until the door closed behind her.

"I asked you to come here, doll."

Instinctively, she strode towards him, stopping just a few inches away. He stared down at her, jaw clenched. Being a mobster, he was used to seeing blood and could identify it easily. And it was definitely blood that was covering almost a sixth of Y/N's t-shirt. "Lift your shirt. Take it off, right now," he snarled.

Y/N, not wanting him to take his anger out on her, immediately ripped the t-shirt off of her, standing in front of him in her sports bra, a deep gash just under her left breast. Y/N flinched when his fingers came in contact with her wound and Bucky immediately retracted his arm. "What happened?" His tone changed. Now, it was simply full of hurt.

"He stabbed me." Bucky's hands balled into fists at his side. One name, all he needed her to do was give him a name and the bastard was dead, whether she liked it or not. "Who did?" "My boyfriend." Bucky went rigid at her words. All this time, she was taken? "You have a…?" She shook her head, letting her tears fall free. "Not anymore." That reassured him.

"I decided to break up with him today. Decided to do it before my shift here, so my job could distract me. He… he didn't like it. And he…" Y/N choked out through the tears. Bucky's body was boiling with anger. "Tell me his name right now." Y/N started feeling light-headed. "Bucky…" she whispered feebly, swaying on her spot. And he cursed loudly when she fell forward, unconscious.

He carried her out of the bar, put her in his car and drove above the speed limit to his place. He had a private infirmary at his mansion, where he knew Y/N would be the safest. Once he was home, not caring that his expensive suit was getting ruined by blood, he ran to the infirmary, Y/N in his arms. The doctors took her in for an operation and they had to admit—

They had never seen the mobster look so scared.

After he was sure Y/N was in good hands, Bucky went to the sitting room, where his friend, Sam, sat. "Pull out everything you can get on Y/N. Check everything. Social media— I need the name of her ex boyfriend." Sam got to work instantly, not wanting to aggravate the man. Turns out, he didn't have to search for long. "[Name]."

Sam told Bucky everything he could about the man. By the end, Bucky was seething. "Send some men over. Finish him." Again, Sam agreed without argument, rushing out of the room. And so, Bucky waited. He sat in the spacious sitting room all alone, holding his head in his hands, trying his best not to tear up.

---

"Bucky?"

It had been 6 hours since he brought her to his place. He startled and turned around to see Y/N standing at the door, leaning against it for support. This time, he did tear up and not caring about his dignity, he ran forward and pulled her into his arms, burying his face in her neck, sobbing like a little child. "Bucky, I'm fine, I really am," Y/N insisted in vain.

"I almost lost you today," Bucky sniffled, pulling away from her. She wiped his tears off, giving him a small smile. After spending a lot of time with the man, she had come to realize that he was nothing but a big softie, who put on a façade 24/7. He cared about her like no one else. He was so good to her.

And finally, her feelings were justified.

"You didn't lose me, though. I'm right here," she grinned. Her grin made him smile and he took her face in his hands, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "Come here." Both of them walked into the room and he pulled her onto his lap, holding her close, thinking if he let go, she would turn to dust right in front of him.

"How bad is the wound?"

"Not that bad, actually, it was a kitchen knife." He moved to trace the wound through her t-shirt when he noticed it. She wasn't in her t-shirt, she was wearing one of his. This time, he didn't fight the urge. "God, I fucking love you so much, doll." Bucky grabbed her chin, pressing his lips to hers. She didn't fight it either.

"I… I love you too, Bucky."

She buried her face in his neck and he held her close, pressing tiny kisses to her cheek and forehead. "You're finally mine, baby girl. Ever since I saw you at the bar, I was smitten. Do you know what a torture it was for me?" he mumbled against her cheek. "Same. I, um…" He chuckled when he felt her skin warming against him.

"I'm going to treat you like the queen you are, baby."

"Aw, so cheesy. But flattering."

"Also, you're fired."

"Great, you ruined it."

"What? I'm the owner, I hire people. And you don't need the job anymore, you have me. I'll pay the university fees. You don't have to work at that horrible bar anymore."

"Bucky, you own the place."

"Still horrible."

"And also what are you, my sugar daddy?"

"Literally fuck off—"

"You know you love me."

"Fortunately, I do."

---

A/N: Thanks for reading. Leave a like if you enjoyed.

[blueberry-beanie]

Glass Animals at Columbiahalle Berlin | 5th September 2022

It’s been a while since the concert and I haven’t managed to write down my experiences yet. Glass Animals have been on my list for quite a while and I had wanted to buy a ticket months ago. Unfortunately, I had to pull off a last minute stunt with an Ebay purchase instead because I wasn’t sure if I would be moving places or working on this day.

The journey to Berlin went surprisingly smoothly, although I took a Flixbus this time due to the insane prices for the train. I arrived at the hostel a bit too early, so I took a walk around the local neighbourhood, found some vegan fast food and strolled through the Mauerpark. It was a gorgeous sunny day - perfect to go exploring.

I soon got reminded that Berlin and me are not best friends though, when I got lost completely and could not find the tram stop Google told me was just in front of my nose. It turns out my phone was having issues with location services these days - a bad timing.

At around 3 pm I checked in at the hostel. To my surprise, the guy at the reception used to go to the same uni I am supposed to start at. The world is small. Another surprise was the big and tidy, but completely empty eight-bed-room. I took a shower, charged my phone and relaxed. At some point I figured I should go to the venue to arrive there shortly after 5 pm.

This time my calculations were wrong. Although there was still plenty of time to go til doors, there were already about 50 people. Something I instantly noticed was just how diverse the fans looked like. Many had colourful hair, unusual clothing and jewellery.

A guy in a transparent shirt sorted everyone according to their numbers on their hands, so I just waited until they were done and joined two nice girls from Poland. Olivia and Paulina came here together to only their second concert and were super sweet to talk to.

I was surprised just how many people kept arriving. Shortly before the doors were due to open, you could not even see the queue’s end anymore. Then everything happened really fast: Ticket check, security check - I noticed there was a second security check nobody seemed to use and quickly changed the lane. That turned out to be my saving grace - I made it to front row right, just as I wanted.

I can’t remember any concert venue filling up this quickly with so many people squished together just minutes after doors. It became difficult to go to the bathroom or get drinks just right away.

I was lucky to have nice people around me, although I sadly lost Olivia and Paulina. Later I spotted them somewhere in the middle, but they did not see me. Behind me Erik and Emilia, brother and sister, came together in self-made t-shirts and with a sign. Emilia wasn’t old enough to go alone so her brother accompanied her. They were really lovely and we had a good time waiting together.

The opening act Sable was not very good in my opinion, but maybe that was because I could barely hear what the singer was whispering into her microphone. The audience mostly loved them, though.

In the meantime Glass Animals used their Dreamland aesthetic to mess with us old style: The estimate on the Showtime.exe file download would change from anything between minutes and literal years. Good old times.

We could see Davey backstage all in white, pacing around and talking to people. At some point we waved at him and he waved back. At around 9 pm smeone put a pineapple onstage:

And then, a few minutes later, the fun finally started with them playing Life Itself. It became clear right away that this was not going to be a normal concert. Not only was Wavey Davey on fire, but so was the crowd. The venue was absolutely packed and everyone had decided to sing and cheer their hearts out. After every single song.

At some point we just wouldn’t stop cheering and Dave was in total disbelief about what was happening, just holding his head and saying “Wow, wow” repeatedly.

The band proceeded to churn out bangers the entire time. There was not one weak moment in the entire setlist. Everything was complimented by the wonderfully colourful visuals and the lights.

N had been teaching me all band members’ names, so I knew exactly it was Drew in front of me on guitar and piano. Well I needn’t have worried so much about telling him apart from Ed, because Dave made a point to introduce him at least three times before remembering the band consists of two more members.

I did see a lot of Drew and tried to take a few pictures of him showing off. The “physics prof” as N and I named him after one of her former teachers, wasn’t very much in teaching mode today. He was more busy showing off to everyone and enjoying the show.

Both Ed and Drew came to the front often and fans were cheering for them and even showing hearts. It was very sweet how the band interacted with the audience and with each other. It seemed to be one big and very hyped up family. Sadly, I could not see much of Joe, the drummer, because he was mostly hidden behind his drumkit from my point of view.

Unfortunately some light situations also made photos difficult, but it was anyway quite impossible to catch Dave in motion. He is a human bouncy ball, constantly jumping and dancing around, and never being too much out of breath to not deliver stellar vocals.

Dave made all of us anticipate his little kiss during Space Ghost and it was honestly hillarious how everyone was cheering for that. During Gooey he came to the barrier and sang directly in front of some overjoyed fans. But for Pork Soda, he gave the pinapple to the very tall girl next to me.

Truly, no throwing, very careful giving instead. The lucky girl was dancing with the pineapple for the entire song. Too soon it was time for the encore with Tokyo Drifting and, of course, Heat Waves. I decided to let Emilia to the front for her favourite song, and it was definitely a good decision and made her very happy. 

The last song was completely euphoric with everyone singing their hearts out. Too soon, the concert was over and we all had to go from Dreamland back to our ordinary lives.

Although my journey back to the hostel went very smoothly, the next day already started from the wrong foot. First thing in the morning, my USB cable disintegrated and I was left with 20 percent charge. So I went on a stressed odyssey to find vegan breakfast and a cable.

This made me really anxious and by the time I finally found sth to eat and a new cable at Alexanderplatz, I already used up much of my mental capacity for that day. I had really wanted to go to the Pergamon Museum for many years and somehow it had never worked out.

This day I was greeted by some security guy straight out of a movie in black sunglasses and wordlessly thrown off the property. Some weird barriers and building sites and the security guys made me really anxious together with the general aloofness on the Museumsinsel with its huge, palace-like buildings.

I decided it was not good to push myself any further because it's not a thing to go to the museum crying. So I headed to Brandenbuger Tor, which is already familiar to me, with the goal to go and explore the Tiergarten. What could possibly go wrong? A big, peaceful park for me to calm down and regain my mental strength.

Well, no. At some point two grown men approached me with some piece of paper in their hand and broken english and they would not back off even when I said no repeatedly, instead following me and invading my space really closely until I had to yell for them to leave me alone.

This left me crying somewhere in the bushes and I did not really get better even when N called me to calm me down. Wanting to sit on a bench for a while to regain composure, a poor unknowing fella came and asked me politely to sit next to me. I took my backpack and left him baffled and feeling sorry, but I was just crying again.

Things only started getting better when I arrived at another familiar place, the Hauptbahnhof, and went to Vapiano to get some food. The familiar environment helped keeping me stable and I decided to head for the central bus station a bit sooner and go explore a nearby park with a lake.

It was very beautiful and finally nobody bothered me, so the journey home actually went very smoothly once again. Finally at home, I was overjoyed to get into bed and feel safe and comfortable.

This should have been the end of the story, but it isn’t completely. A few days later, I started editing the photos from the concert and post them on instagram. Honestly, I did not expect or want much, but the fan base just blew me away completely. People would not stop sharing, complimenting and even messaging me with requests to draw the photos or use them as their phone background.

Especially Drew got a lot of love from the fans. But then Ed shared my photos of him and my inbox really exploded with notes and even fans excitedly congratulating me with being noticed by a band member. I have honestly never once seen fans this committed to include everyone and share art and photos. It made me feel very welcome.

Dreamland in real life may have ended, but I’m looking forward to the band’s next project and I really hope to see them again soon.

[jaybird-redhood]

propinquity

wc: 2.2k

pairing: jason todd // gn reader

The first thing you think when you see him for the first time is that he has the cutest smile.

That’s a lie, the first thing you think it that he is so incredibly in shape, and it looks great on him, but the smile thing sounds better in your head.

He's moving into the apartment across from yours a month after you moved into yours. Weird, because the two people in your building closest to your age are 2 and 63, respectively.

You suppose that some wicked twist of fate must’ve brought this upon you for missing your cousin’s birthday party last week, because the guy standing across from you is crazy hot. And looking right at you. And you are in the huge neon Wonder Woman t-shirt that your best friend got for your birthday last year.

Yeah. Karma.

“Nice shirt,” the guy offers, holding in a grin. “You’re really making it work.”

“I-”

“See you around, neighbor.”

And with a shut of a door and an awfully charismatic smirk he’s gone.

The next time you see him is a week later, and this time- luckily, you think- you’re dressed somewhat put together. You run into him while unlocking your door.

"What's got you in a twist?" he asks.

"Um," you start, "I just. Ugh I have so much to do. Like 3 hours of homework, a lecture tomorrow that I cannot skip, and I'm completely out of bread and eggs and can't even you to the store until, like, Thursday at best."

Once you start rambling you can't seem to stop. You slouch against your door. You're not entirely sure why you're telling a stranger all this, but he seems to be listening, so you suppose that’s a good sign

"I get the feeling," he offers, and you look up at him. "I'm majoring in English Lit and my classes are kind of kicking my ass."

You give him a small smile, "Glad to know someone in this building is struggling as much as I am."

"Jason," he says, and he reaches his hand out to you. "My name."

You shake it and tell him yours.

As you both turn back into your respective apartments you think that he maybe isn't as intimidating as you thought.

~

The next day goes by with a really boring lecture and another 3 hours of work you need to do.

The ride home from uni isn't that long, but it's long enough for you to contemplate all the ways that your life went wrong after moving to Gotham. And, maybe as payback for thinking mean things about the city, rain that you think should belong to a category 3 hurricane starts to whip around your car 10 minutes into your drive.

Your clothes are dripping water in literal puddles by the time you get back to your apartment.

Groaning, you start fishing for your keys in your purse while walking up the last flight of stairs.

When you get to your door you stop. Right in front of it there’s a grocery bag. Picking it up and looking inside you see a loaf of bread and a small carton of milk.

You pick it up smiling.

“Jason?” you ask, knocking on his door.

No response.

You shrug and turn around. Remember to thank him the next time you run into each other; you think.

~

That next time doesn’t happen to be that long and thank goodness for you.

“You know, we really need to stop meeting like this,” he says to you.

You’re sitting on the floor outside of your door looking rather pathetic, and he’s giving you the most awful smirk you’ve ever seen. (Not that it looks bad on him though. You seem to think that nothing could really look that bad on him)

“I swear I’m usually more put together than this,” you sigh to him. “You moving here jinxed me!”

“Yeah yeah. You’re locked out, aren’t you?”

You give him your best withering I’m going to kill you stare, but it must not be working because he just laughs even harder at you.

“This is completely not my fault it’s just I lost my second set of keys like right when I moved in and then today when I got home, I accidentally left them in my car, but my second set of car keys is in my apartment so now I can’t get them out, stop laughing at me!”

“God you’re a mess,” Jason says- finally finished laughing at you and maybe taking a bit of pity on how disheveled you look. “You couldn’t call anyone to get you in?”

You shake your head.

“My friend is the only other person with a set, but they’re out of town, and our landlord is being a dick and telling me it’s my fault in the first place, so I need to deal with it. I’ve been sitting out here for like an hour.”

“All I’m hearing is that it is your fault and now you’re just moping about it feeling bad about yourself.”

You tilt your head against the door so hard that it makes you wince a bit.

“Ok fine,” he says crossing his arms.

“What?”

“Wait right here.”

He goes into his apartment and comes back out with a skinny metal thing you don’t recognize.

You look at him in confusion and he just motions for you to scoot out of the way as he sticks it in your locks and starts to pick it.

You sigh in relief.

“Thank you thank you thank you. For everything. I swear I will get my life together, so you don’t feel like you have to keep cleaning up my messes.

“I don’t mind,” he says with a small smile, “Take your time.”

And with that he opens the door to your apartment and turns back to his.

“By the way, you should really get better locks. That was way too easy.”

You make a note in your head to get that done sometime. As you’re lying on your couch that night, you’re AirDropped a photo on your phone. Saving it up you see it’s a piece of paper with neat handwriting on it: a phone number and a smiley face, Jason’s name at the bottom.

You smile too and add the number to your contacts.

~

Over the next few weeks, you and Jason start talking more, both over text and through the various times when you run into each other outside your doors.

Each interaction is better than the next, and you soon start to realize that Jason isn’t just some hot guy with no brains. He’s sweet and charismatic, has a whole wall full of bookshelves, could probably quote any classical novel by heart, has incredibly good taste in music, and best (or worst) of all, would make incredible friend material.

It’s just that as you become closer friends, you start to realize that that might not be all you want.

It’s a stupidly cold Friday morning when he texts you, and you’re covered in blankets and wrapped in sweatshirts in your bed. Movie at my place tonight?

You text back your approval and a quick be there at 6 before getting ready for classes.

The day goes by slower than you hoped.

It might be the anticipation of seeing Jason again, or more likely the hours of lectures you have to sit through, but you’re elated when your final class for the day gets let out.

The hours in between are a blur.

A blur which leads to the two of you sitting on his couch watching Romeo and Juliet together, a blanket thrown over your bodies.

You have the obligatory bowl of popcorn resting on your legs, and every few minutes Jason reaches across your lap to take a handful.

The way you’re laying half on top on him is completely deliberate, as to take as much of his body heat as possible. Your landlord had turned off heating 3 weeks prior to ‘save money’ or some other bullshit.

Jason’s not complaining though.

Once your popcorn bowl is finished and your head is in his lap, he runs his fingers through your hair absentmindedly. It might be the nicest feeling you’ve ever felt.

Throughout the movie you exchange snide comments about the plot back and forth. You start trying to say funny things whenever you can just to hear how sweet his laugh sounds to your ears.

By the end of the movie, you’re only slightly in tears, or so you tell yourself.

“Are you crying right now?” Jason asks incredulously, wearing a teasing smile.

“It’s not my fault,” you half say half moan, “Leonardo DiCaprio just has that effect on me.”

He just laughs and pulls you upright until you’re sitting on his lap.

His eyes are a shade of blue green that you’ve never seen before, although you could swear their getting greener by the second.

You watch his gaze drop down to your lips before staring you right in the eyes again.

“Can I kiss you?”

“God yes,” you tell him, and kiss him right back.

~

The next week is somewhat uneventful, even though you and Jason had been meeting each other almost every night, rotating apartments based on whose house was warmer each particular night.

Tonight is your night, and you’ve been waiting the whole day to show him the film you had rented to watch together.

The walk up to your door is easier than usual, and you have a bounce in your step that’s making you feel even more elated than normal taking out your keys to unlock your apartment.

You open your door and your bag drops. The keys clatter when they hit the hardwood, and the silence that follows is deafening.

“You’re bleeding on my carpet,” is the first thing that comes out of your mouth.

There Jason is, bleeding quite profusely, and using your kitchen counter to keep himself vertical. He’s wearing what looks to be a torn half of a domino mask and an extremely hot leather jacket.

(Not that this was the time for noticing his fashion choices, but you filed that thought away for later.)

What really catches your eye though is the huge red bat symbol on his chest, and the red helmet next to it sitting on your counter.

He shifts a little to the side before stumbling through saying, “Um, so, I know this isn’t ideal and I’m really sorry to put you in this situation, but I seriously do not feel like bleeding out tonight and-”

“Oh my god this is great,” you cut him off with. “I thought you were a hit-man!”

“Wait what.”

“Shit no that’s not what I meant- kind of, hang on we should probably stop you from dying before having this conversation.”

You walk over to him to get a better look at his wounds.

“God Jace, you look like death warmed over.”

He just stares at you.

“You have a bunch of stuff in your bathroom, right?”

At least this elicits a reaction. He grimaces in pain but gives you a nod of his head in conformation.

“Ok I’ll be right back, don’t move.”

He gives you a look that says seriously, where would I go.

3 minutes later you’re back with a needle and thread, and some sterilizing spray.

“This should be fine,” you tell him, “I took a first aid class last year with my friends and passed with flying colors according to the nurse.”

“Just try to keep them tight and neat. I trust you,” he says, and your heart pounds just a little harder.

You respond with a nervous laugh but take a deep breath and start working.

~

An hour and a half later you’re done.

The combination of pain meds, bandages, and a whole lot of stitches eventually led to you and Jason laying in your bed together, both completely exhausted.

He turns his head to face you.

“Could we maybe go back to the hit-man thing?”

“Oh uh. Well I saw a bunch of shirts covered in blood in your laundry in the bathroom, not to mention all the weirdly specific first-aid you had,” you tell him.

“And also the assorted guns and knives you have hidden all over. I guess I just assumed? But the whole Red Hood thing is so much better,” you reassure him.

“You found all my knives?”

You smile up at him.

“I love that that’s thing you chose to focus on.”

“And you’re really not mad that I didn’t tell you about the whole vigilante thing before?” he asks.

“Jay, I had already resigned myself to life forever with some shady hit-man that also happened to be incredibly good looking. Red Hood is ten times better than that. I’m not going to run away from you just because you’re incredibly intimidating and probably could kill me. I see that as an added bonus,” you say, with as much charm as you can muster without yawning.

“Just. Be careful, ok? I’d hate to make this a routine.”

He responds by pulling you closer to his body.

“I promise,” he whispers into your head. “You really to remember to get better locks by the way, breaking in was still way too easy.”

You let out a small laugh and finally you let yourself give into sleep.

[tomtenadia]

My knight in shining armour

Rowaelin month Day 2 - University AU

I literally just finished this. I wasn’t going to write for this prompt but then an idea finally hit me.

The title as usual is bad... sorry

2k words

-----

Aelin had days in which she hated men. That was one of those days. 

After finishing high school she decided to took a challenging course at the University of Terrasen. Her dad, before he retired, had been an airforce pilot. She had grown up going around his base, visiting him when he was back. In doing so, she had become obsessed with planes. As she grew up, her dad had let her get friendly with his engineer and the man had started teaching her all she needed to know about aircrafts. From the basic physics to the more obscure detail of how the jet worked. Aelin had been fascinated. She had started reading all the possible books, and as she got older, her dad’s engineer had also started having her to actually help her in the hangar. In the summer when school was out, she would actually get a part-time job as an apprentice at the base and she had loved every moment of it. She had also become very close with the two female pilots and together they had spent time talking about the life of a woman in a boys club. The two women had become her role models very quickly.

Terrasen was quite and open minded country but some ideas were still quite obsolete.

In high school at the question “what you want to be when you grow up?” She always answered an aircraft engineer for the airforce. She never faltered or never doubted. That’s what she wanted to, that was her path.

But when time for uni arrived and she applied for a degree in aeronautical engineering, that’s when she realised that the boys club extended far more than she expected.

She was basically the only woman in the class. None of the guys had approached her and on the first day she had walked in the classroom, one of them had the guts to tell her that the humanities department was in the annex c. She ignored the bastard and sat down at the front. She belonged in that room and she would prove it to every single one of them.

Day after day she had shown her knowledge and surprised her professor who was amazed at the fact that she could answer such in depth questions. Last time it happened, she had turned to Chaol - the asshole who had told her about the annex c, and gave him a smirk. That had removed his stupid grin from his face. It felt amazing.

During a private one-to-one with her professor she had confessed to him she had been working at the airbase as an apprentice during the past three summers. Her teacher had luckily been very supportive and encouraged her to keep up the good work.

Now, six months in, she still hated with a vengeance the arseholes she had to study with. Some of them even had the guts to ask her for some help after they realised she was actually good. She had answered that surely they didn’t want the help of a woman, and walked away.

After another class it was finally lunch time and she was meeting Rowan down at their spot on the grass. They were a couple. He had asked her out in the summer after high school was over and they had been together ever since. He was a med student and he knew her pain about choosing a challenging degree. Both their degrees were very intense and required a lot of time so they would just try and spend as much time together as they could. They had a flat together but the public library was were they spent most of their time.

And when their schedules allowed it, they would enjoy lunch together, venting about their academical choices.

“I fucking hate that bastard.” She raged, dropping her bag on the grass and sitting at his side, depositing a kiss on his lips. She felt better almost immediately, being in his arms was all she needed to feel okay again.

“What did he do now?” Asked Rowan knowing of her struggles in her classes.

Aelin grabbed her bag and pulled out her food, the dinner that Rowan had prepared the previous night and then packed away for both of them.

“The teacher gave us an exercise where we had to design an aircraft with what we had learned so far.” She told him, while munching away her food “He was up first and his project was a effing disaster. Seriously, I’d wouldn’t want to fly on a plane designed by him.” She took a sip of her water “the teacher asked us to say what was wrong and it took me ten minutes to stop. I mean, a two year old would have done a better job with lego bricks.”

Rowan giggled at her side “then my turn came and the bastard had the guts to tell me that the aerodynamics of my plane were off and that my ailerons where wrong as well and would not allow the plane to function properly. I took my laptop and shoved it in his face and told him to find the error in my math. He had no clue.” Her face turned smug “then the teacher took over and said that actually my project was, among all, the only one that could actually fly. I felt smug as fuck.”

Rowan pulled an arm around Aelin’s shoulder and pulled her to him. He was proud of her. Every damn day.

“Then after class, he threw me a paper plane and inside it had a message saying this is the only plane you will ever build or work on. I swear, the guy is still alive only because I am not looking forward to finishing my degree via distance learning from a prison.”

She calmed down “how was your day?”

Rowan leaned back against the tree “I had anatomy and physiology. Today we covered the endocrine system and it must be one most boring of them all.”

“Well,” she added with a big smile “when you cover the reproductive system you are welcome to practice with me…”

He laughed and squished her to her chest “I am a very big fan of your… bits.” She kissed him deeply not caring that they were in public, she wanted him and hated that they had more classes before being able to go home and then alas, study more. Maybe for one evening they could study something different.

“Aelin?”

“Yes, buzzard?”

His tongue gently teased her and she opened for him while his hand brushed off a rebel strand of hair.

He pulled back “Nothing, you had tomato sauce on you lips. I was just wiping it off. Did you think I wanted to kiss you?” 

Aelin gently punched him on the shoulder, in return he gave her a massive grin. Rowan was a very reserved man who struggled with stranger, but she had her own version, the goofy one, the one who made jokes and loved to cuddle with her. She would treasure that version forever. That was just for her.

They were busy chatting away and she was showing him on her laptop the exercise she had been working on and her plane prototype and although what she was saying was greek to him, he still listened to her in fascination.

She was telling him how a plane flew and the four forces when a figure stopped in front of them.

“It must be exciting to brag with your boyfriend about your hopeless projects.” Said the man.

Rowan raised his eyes and finally saw the face of the man that had been making Aelin’s life miserable.

“What did you just say?” Rowan stood and towered on the brown-haired man by twenty centimetres. Chaol also looked frail compared to Rowan’s muscular frame.

“Chaol, you’d better go.” Not that she cared about the man, she just didn’t want Rowan to get into trouble for a petty man.

“You’d better give up while you still can, Galathynius. Aeronautical engineering is not a field for a woman.” He crossed his arms at his chest trying to look intimidating but the look in Rowan’s eyes told her it was a useless attempt. Her boyfriend was ready to attack. She knew he had never hit anyone, but had a feeling that if Chaol didn’t stop it could be a first for Rowan.

“Chaol,” she stood as well and growled his name in warning.

“Oh, so you are one of those arseholes who believes that certain jobs can be done only by those who were born with a penis. It’s the fucking 21st century. Grow up, idiot.”

Rowan swore, alarm bells rang in Aelin’s head. He only swore when he was extremely mad, something that her unflappable boyfriend rarely was.

“Oh look, Galathynius, you have a knight in shining armour.”

Aelin moved between Rowan and Chaol, trying to separate them when her boyfriend moved a step closer to the other guy.

Chaol chuckled “Did you sleep with every professor—” but Chaol never finished his sentence. She saw the scene develop in slow motion in front of her. At those words Rowan’s face had turned feral and as on instinct his arm moved and a second later his fist found its target in Chaol’s face. 

Rowan then grabbed Chaol by the collar and lifted him up slightly “You take it back, immediately or I’ll smash all the twenty two bones in your skull.”

“Go on,” said Chaol, nursing a broken lips.

Aelin stopped in between and grasped Rowan’s hand gently “Put him down, Ro, he is not worth it.”

Her gaze then turned to Chaol “now you go back to whatever shithole you came from and perhaps go back working on your project and design a real aircraft.” She moved closer to him “I know what the fuck I am doing. And I know I will have a job in the airforce after this. You will just go back being daddy’s little spoiled boy.”

Chaol glared at her and Rowan finally let go of him, bur before he fully released him he pulled the man close enough that his mouth was near his ear “you disrespect her like that one more time and you’ll finish your degree from a hospital bed while sipping your food from a straw.” Rowan flashed his teeth in a threatening gesture “you leave her alone, because if I hear you have been a bastard to her one more time, I will make your life a living hell.” And eventually released him. Chaol shrugged his t-shirt back into place and walked away without adding another word.

Rowan sighed and then turned to her, his expression back being soft as soon as she looked back at him.

“You didn’t have to punch him,” she said while snuggling against his chest. His arms quickly around her.

“Yes I had to. What he said….” She felt him tense up again “he made me so mad, fireheart.”

“Seeing you thump him was very sexy,” she kissed him gently on the lips “my knight in shining armour.”

Rowan chuckled and looked into he blue eyes “you don’t need a knight. You are fierce, brave and strong and do not need any protection,” he added, his lips on her head. Nesting under his chin was her favourite position. They fit perfectly “I, on the other hand, as a male who is hopelessly in love with you, felt the desperate need to avenge the sullied honour of my amazing other half.”

Aelin giggled hard “you really sound like a knight.”

“Come on, Sir Rowan Whitethorn of Wendlyn, let’s finish our lunch, I have an hour of mechanics of flight coming up and I need sustenance.”

“Yes, my queen,” he said kneeling in front of her.

Aelin laughed and kissed him deeply “maybe I can be your queen tonight in bed as well.”

His smirk grew wider and Aelin felt heat pool at her core at his expression.

“Whatever m’lady commands.”

They finished their lunch in peace without any more interruptions and eventually they parted ways, going to their respective classes.

Chaol did not bothered her anymore. He didn’t even met her gaze and him ignoring her was all she asked. She was there to learn, he could just go and sulk in the afterburner of a jet, perhaps while on, for all she cared.

Aelin texted Rowan a thank you and his reply was a simple To whatever end.

[neoheros]

fuckboy! bokuto headcanons

— find the fuckboy! masterlist here ♡

the day you and bokuto met was one of the most annoying days of your life

hands down, even the thought of reminiscing what that day put you through is enough to send chills down your spine

it was your first year in a new school and work had already been piled on you mercilessly

you had plans on going to a high quality university once you graduated so you figured you’d better start on extra curriculars as soon as possible

of course when you joined the school newspaper and student council you didn’t really expect to end up being that busy

you, on the verge of tears: hi are you taking in member applications because i’m short on one sports activity and i really don’t want that to be the reason why my favorite uni rejected me because i’ll be damned if volleyball ruins my life and—

bokuto, alarmed: please stop crying

he was the only silver lining that day that made it worth it to recall how hard your first year was

now you’re both graduating and close as ever that you’re actually kind of thankful that you went through all that just to meet him

he wasn’t exactly the most attentive boy in class but what he lacked in academics he made up for in sports

when you saw him play volleyball for the first time, you were flat out star struck at his skills and that’s when you understood why so many girls would go after him

he had a reputation in school and you were well aware of the fact that hanging around him meant that getting hated by his numerous dates and flings

you didn’t care though, you were there to graduate and get a fantastic gpa like everyone expected you to

you told bokuto all this the first time he tried to hit on you and at first he was confused to why you’d turn him down but then you offered him to be friends instead and he was more than ecstatic to accept

so now you’re in the running to graduate senior year in the honor roll and all your references have been backed up by solid hard work and proof that you’re sure if the uni doesn’t accept you then it’s going to be their fault and not yours

you: at this point i’m gonna be the most eligible college applicant there is

bokuto: but at the cost of blowing me over every time i ask to hang out 😔

you: personally i find those to be the highlight of our friendship

being best friends with bokuto is quite literally the meaning of getting the best of both worlds

he was there to redirect your focus when you were clearly too frantic to remember your goals but he was also the one to drag you out for a break or two when you’re too deep in your head

“i’m with someone right now but i had to ask— have you eaten yet?” he says into the phone, smiling shyly at his date who’s kind enough to let him take a minute to himself.

you snort, “i have this new technique where i get through my chapters and diet at the same time and it’s basically a win win situ—”

you hear him sigh and mumble an apology to the person he was with, shuffling over the phone as you try to tell him you were gonna be fine

bokuto: i’m on my way and just so you know, you owe me

you: bro this was from your own volition

he snaps you a photo of him in his car with a gloomy expression, but you’re quick to notice the mcdonald’s sign in the corner

you snap him back, “if ur getting me food, get me a mcflurry too ok <3”

to which he replies almost too quickly with a picture of himself giving you a thumbs up and the caption, “i know i’m not an idiot”

he takes care of you a lot and sometimes you find yourself guilty for putting that obligation on him but he never fails to reassure you that it felt nice to be committed to someone every now and then

you: you know that you’d actually be a good boyfriend if you stopped slutting around right

bokuto: you know that you’d actually be a good girlfriend if you stopped dating your books right

you, defeated: touché asshole

when it came to you, you just didn’t have time to worry about relationships and whatnot

you saw how your friends would get obsessed over them and completely derail their futures just to live in the ‘now’ of it all

you obviously called bullshit on that but could they blame you? you had high expectations for your life and you were sure as hell not gonna let some guy take you away from that

besides, you were best friends with the guy that made girls believe in love and break their hearts in one weekend, if the universe wanted you to have faith in dating then maybe they should’ve thought this one through

your phone dinged, ruining the silence you so enjoyed as bokuto peered over your shoulder to see what it was about

“hi ! i’m from your class and i’ve always found you so pretty, would you mind going ou—” he read aloud in a laugh and you delete the message before he could finish

bokuto: yknow one of these days you’re gonna get murdered by one of your admirers who just couldn’t let anyone else have you

you: and i will thank them for that 😌✨

“if you’re turning down all these men because you’re waiting for me to ask you out then all you have to do is say so.” he grins, and it gets wider when he sees you divert all your attention towards him.

you look at him dead in the eye, “no.”

his expression drops, pointing at his heart as he pouts, “that’s hurtful.”

you roll your eyes, telling him all about the plans that you would rather prioritize over falling in love, going on and on about how it would bring you nothing but setting you back and all that

he could only cross his arms as he listens to you ramble, amazed at how you’re saying so many things and all of them were just flat out wrong

it used to hurt him when you talked about swearing off love but the more he listened to it over the years the more amusing it got

he knew one day you’d end up finding someone to love the way he thinks he loves you and maybe it’d be him or maybe it’d be someone you just haven’t met yet

one day you’d realize how important it is to feel and give love to those who mean much to you

maybe you’d even notice the signs that he’s been trying to give you all these years

but in the mean time, you were his problem to deal with, and he didn’t mind taking all the words you said about hating love as long as he could spend every moment of it with you.