#i get that it was a 1990 live recording but god damn

[switch]

it sucks that possibly one of the best version of susumu hirasawa's solar ray has some of the worst audio quality i've ever heard in my life on an official album

[hetaologist]

APH America "Ethnography" and Headcanons (SFW)

The United States of America, Alfred F. Jones, Mr. Stars and Stripes, 'Merica, Pretty Boy, um... or just simply America.

Here is a list of data I have gathered from this country and oh boy, what an interesting specimen we have here....

Ethnography

You will find this find this mythological creature at your local Walmart superstore during the evening hours on a weekday, sporting flannel loungewear pants (The plaid kind), a cotton t-shirt that definitely has been worn no less than two (2) times, Old Navy $1 flip flops, and a gray jacket.

When asked about his late night runs to the popular supermarket chain, his answer is just simply:

"There's nothing else to do and no where to go."

America's Cart Inventory for March 22nd:

One (1) package of "Mega Stuf Chocolate Oreos" for $5.97, One (1) 6-Pack of "Starbucks Frappuccino Chilled Coffee Drinks" in Caramel Flavor for $7.98, One (1) Family Sized Bag of "Flaming Hot Cheetos" for $5.94, One (1) "Furby Interactive Toy" for $39.19, and One (1) Stick of " Axe Apollo Men's Deodorant Stick" for $4.97. Total of purchase was $64.05 before tax.

When questioned about the "Furby Interactive Toy", he replies:

"Yeah dude, there's this thing I wanna make that's called a "Long Furby". Wanna come by my place and check it out?"

I agreed to the invination as it would give me a better look into his living space and lifestyle. He's very friendly person.

Living Space (Home):

Oh dear god, why did I agree to come here?

House is a what you would expect from a typical American college student such as:

"Saturdays Are For The Boys" banner flag, Marvel and DC posters, a very unsettling looking blue leather couch that looks like it has been through hell and back, random dumbbells and untouched exercise equipment, every game console from the 1972 "The Magnavox Odyssey" to the PS5, action figures from various popular TV shows and comics, an old KFC bucket with half eaten chicken on the coffee table and a shelf with a huge vinyl record and CD collection.

Conclusion: What a fucking gross nerd.

America offers a cold can of Coca-Cola, I accept it.

He shows me a very long light blue "Long Furby" from his collection, further proving how much of a dork he was.

When asked what kind of music he liked (in regards to his music collection), he replies:

"That's hard to answer, it changes every week. Because of my diverse music, I pretty much like everything. One week I could be listening to 1980's classic rock, 2000's techno-pop, Bluegrass Country, 1990's Hip Hop or anything. But, if I had to give you this week's favorite artist, it would have to be Taylor Swift and Doja Cat."

"Interesting..." I replied.

I have recorded enough data for today (the smell was bothering me) and left his home to do further extensive research.

Headcanons:

America has a deep love for cars and trucks, he can be seen working on his vintage 1968 Dodge Charger R/T called 'Thunderbird' (an absolute speed demon that can reach at top speeds of muthafuckin' 156 mph), and his enormous 2019 Ford F-150 'Big John' that he loves to drive to world meetings because he is a total stud muffin showoff.

Oh yeah, he defiantly modded 'Big John' horns with airblasters. So when he parks his car and he sees other nations come out of their vehicles, he pounds on that horn and scares the living shit out of them.

He totally does 2 am donuts in the Thunderbird the front of Walmart parking lots with his brother Canada to freak him out.

Other than seeing him work on his cars while listening to "Waking Up in Vegas by Katy Perry" on the radio, he's in his room sorting out his action figure and comic book collection.

Damn, what what a geek.

He has an eBay account where he buys, trades and auctions his collection as his interests constantly change.

If you think him being a geek, dork and a nerd is gonna save him from getting a basic ass Stanley cup, you're wrong.

He has a navy blue one that he takes to meetings and he would get dirty looks from the other nations.

"Goddamn it America, you do not need that much coffee."

"Fuck you, you scone sucking twink. It's not coffee, it's the Panera Super Charged Lemonade mixed with Redbull."

"I beg your fucking pardon..."

He gave Canada a red one for his birthday that he also takes with him to meetings.

"Canada, mon ami~. That better not be that merde American drinks that makes your heart explode."

"No, it's Tim Hortons iced coffee."

"Well.. that's better than what America drinks..."

[is-she-suffering]

2005 - Trash Pit Magazine

Always one to court attention due to her rag doll in torn dress appearance and quirky off the cuff personality, vocalist Katie Jane Garside has always been the centre of attention in whatever band she has performed in whether she liked it or not. Dropping into the public eye in the early part of the 1990's in Daisy Chainsaw, the band released just one album before Garside disappeared for almost a decade until returning with a new band, Queen Adreena, in 2000. The band have built upon a somewhat cult reputation and now boast an ever growing underground following. Following the release of their new album 'Butcher & The Butterfly', Taz Miller caught up with Garside prior to the bands show at Rock City in Nottingham. 'Taxidermy' and 'Drink Me' were very different albums, how do they compare to 'The Butcher And The Butterfly'? There's a sort of... oh god I don't know how to answer those questions? You know the 'How are you?' questions? I think it's a lot easier to do interviews when they're written down so that I can be foxy with words rather than spontaneous! I don't know what the albums about really, it's just the one that survived. There was a great storm, some things survived and some things were washed away for better or for worse! What are your musical influences? (A humming noise is coming from a fridge in the corner) Sounds like that! The white noise all around us, the sound of the sea, anything around us, the sound of blood pumping through my ears. I mean I have extremely developed tinnitus so I have my own high pitched squeal and that kind of white noise cancels it out. If you cut out the outside noise I think voices, but it's not that. It's too easy to say you hear voices. That's what my influences are anyway, it's just white noise and pulling out external noise and then figure out what it's trying to say whether it's the spirits or the gods or the fucking nut case I don't know! What's your favourite song to perform? Ummm I don't know, I really don't know because it comes and goes. That's a tight rope as well, if you can cut down these external extractions it becomes like some physic ballet and then you can find it, and it you don't find that place it can become a living nightmare like a pendulum blade. What do you like to do outside of your music career? I'm trying to figure that out right now, there has to be another way... there has to be! What did you do before you started singing? I was a child I suppose. My mother and father looked after me and I moved to London when I was 16. I met Crispin when I was 17, and I always did this, always. Being bought up on a boat we had a lot of time to talk to ourselves and sing to ourselves. You've been working with your sister (Melanie Garside - Maplebee) this year how has that been for you? It's been an interesting year. She's gone on to much better things, for her own sanity really! Mel's doing great, she's doing things with the Medieval Babes and her own Maplebee Records so she's a really busy chick, but it was really nice. What is the best thing about being in a band like Queen Adreena? It's damned if you do and damned if you don't. There's a gorgeous seduction about it and it can also get down on you. A cliché question I know but do you get nervous before a show? Yes, I do I think about it before I go out and it's one of the things you get sick of, I get very tired of it. I don't know if I'm confused about the whole process, taking things for granted and things taking you for granted. I found a stack of fan mail and I think as a woman you shouldn't look at that stuff - I found it a bit distorted when I read it. Maybe I'll see you afterwards and tell you how it goes this time, maybe it will make more sense because I've let the fog clear a little bit and I haven't been drinking. That's left a big question mark so I don't know much about nothing right now. I want to go to the beach and look at the sea for a bit - something like that!

Taz Miller

[randomvarious]

Alison Limerick - “Where Love Lives” This Is... House Song released in 1990. Compilation released in 1996. House

It really feels like Alison Limerick's instant ascension into the pantheon of house diva greats was something that came almost by chance. Before releasing one of the most iconic and popular dance singles of all time with 1990's "Where Love Lives," Limerick was someone who lived a career of song and dance: she performed in musicals that were directed by the likes of Andrew Lloyd Webber and she provided backup vocals for some of the UK's most premier post-punk, Gothic, and new wave bands like The Style Council and This Mortal Coil. In retrospect, the prospect of performing house music appears to have been something that was actually quite far off of her radar.

But that was only until Limerick came into contact with a Swedish producer named Lati Kronlund. Kronlund had been in a couple new wave bands in the early 80s, but by the turn of the new decade, he appeared to be moving towards becoming a writer and producer. And while attending what Limerick would go on to describe as a "glorified fashion show," Kronlund was able to witness her perform a cover of Billie Holiday's "God Bless the Child," for which she flexed her "big, two-octave vocal range," and which also left a lasting impression on Kronlund himself. It would then take somewhere around six months for him to get Limerick's number, and when he finally did, the pair decided to work together.

But the first few songs that they made, as Limerick describes them, were "really odd and abstract." Kronlund then went back to Sweden, and after quite a bit of time, returned back to the UK with some new material. And within his refurbished bag of tunes was a number he called "Where Love Lives." Limerick ended up recording the track, but she apparently had no expectations for it and was caught off-guard when Arista came rapping upon her door to get her to sign a contract.

But as it turned out, "Where Love Lives" became nothing short of a legendarily guaranteed floor-filler and it proved to be both Limerick's first and her biggest hit, too. Its first issue didn't perform all that well on the charts, but after it managed to succeed in the UK clubs, its 1991 reissue caught fire both there on the singles chart as well as across the pond on Billboard's dance chart, reaching #27 and #3, respectively. In 1996, and in wake of a new set of remixes that caused the song to chart again, Mixmag declared it as the #1 dance single of all time, giving it the following ringing endorsement:

"Where Love Lives" is the greatest dance record of all time because it's got everything. It swings, it makes girls pout, it makes boys preen and hearts sing. There's a touch of sadness about it but it's incredibly uplifting, reaching a bittersweet joy that only the most spiritual of house achieves. Ms. Limerick – whose subsequent career never lived up to this – sings with a throaty, controlled abandon, hitting the high notes while arms hit the ceiling.

But what that graf doesn't mention is that while she was able to hit the high notes, Limerick also showed on this song that she could certainly dig pretty damn deep for the low notes, too, in league with dwellers extraordinaire like Toni Braxton, and she delivers a nice, emotional grunt towards the end of this unmitigated classic to solidify that point even further. That vocal range that Limerick had once enticed Lati Kronlund with happens to be featured front-and-center on this tune as well.

And did I mention that Eric Kupper, David Morales, AND Frankie Knuckles were all also involved with this tune? In fact, in eulogizing Knuckles for NPR, Barry Walters wrote the following about "Where Love Lives":

If I had to sum up Knuckles' tender, supple sound with one song, it would [be] the 1991 mix he and his pupil Morales did for Alison Limerick's "Where Love Lives." It starts with the kind of piano that makes real club people dance, and continues for several bars without a single drum beat. Then the rhythm machines enter, ensuring that every DJ capable of matching beats could smoothly mix in from the next record if they didn't dare to start with the bare piano. As the track progresses, the sound ebbs and flows as if it had been orchestrated with real instruments, as if disco hadn't died at all. "I'll take you down, deep down where love lives," Limerick growls in a way that doesn't leave any place for doubt. That's where Knuckles' spirit resides, in that place where love lives, a place designed to live as long as hips feel that impulse to sway.

The last thing I want to talk about here then is the song's overall composition and its structure, because beyond Limerick's great contributions, the instrumental for this thing really does border on the divine. Barry Walters talks about the tune's ebbing-and-flowing progression in the preceding quote, but what I really can't get enough of from this track is its final push; its affirmative arrival into heaven as it were. It's here that we find what I think is the most remarkable portion of this song. Against a backdrop of swirlingly icy and saccharine layers of squealing-with-glee, Philly soul-inspired strings, we're greeted with a wonderful melody of soft, digital bleepiness, and even a brief infusion of bawdy horns, too. That little sequence, with Limerick's exultant coos in tow, and in 1990 and 1991 no less, makes for one of house music's most triumphant moments to me. Just an absolutely spiritual 100-or-so seconds that close out this thing. Exquisite atmospherics.

One of the greatest tracks ever recorded in the history of house music. A perfect blending of diva vocals, Chicago keyboards, and blissfully lush strings, and all of it packed with a wispy smoothness that sets the stage for one of the genre's sublimest of endings. What a song.

[medea10]

My Review of Konosuba

(Short for: KonoSuba - God's Blessing on This Wonderful World)

How did I get into this anime? As you all know, I’m being an absolute lazy-ass when it comes to Isekai animes and have only gotten into the recent hits as of 2019. I already finished the suffer edition and the struggle edition. Let’s check out the light-hearted, wonk-fest! But before that…

Let’s go back to the mid-1990s and rewatch the first episode of Yu Yu Hakusho. We all remember Yusuke Urameshi sacrificing his life in order to save a child about to be hit by a truck followed by being told that the child would have survived regardless if Yusuke interfered or not. So dude just wasted his fucking life for nothing! Let’s amp this trope up to 483 with the way our main lead in Konosuba dies. Kazuma Satou was on his way back home from purchasing a video game when he noticed a girl about to be hit by a car. He pushes her out of the way and yada, yada, yada he’s dead!

He is now in a limbo setting, standing before a goddess named Aqua who tells Kazuma that his death was absolutely meaningless. Not only would the girl have survived, it wasn’t even a car, it was a slow-moving tractor. And Kazuma didn’t get hit by the tractor, he suffered a heart attack due to shock, followed by pissing his pants, followed by doctors, family, and relations laughing at Kazuma’s humiliating experience. And then he dies!

Aqua tells Kazuma that he has two options. He can either go to Heaven or be transported to a fantasy world (much like a game) and try to defeat a demon king. Choosing the fantasy world, Kazuma is given the opportunity to take an item with him on his travels. Now at this point, Kazuma has been annoyed by this goddess’s attitude towards him and decides to be a dick. So Kazuma chooses Aqua to be with him on his journey. Sucks for Kazuma however, because Aqua is useless! And unlike the video games Kazuma’s used to, he and Aqua must do manual labor and pay off expenses in the first town. So they might be there for a while.

Kazuma ends up with two more members in his crew including a witch named Megumin that uses explosive magic and a masochistic crusader named Lalatina Dustiness Ford (or Darkness for short). But don’t get too excited! Megumin’s magic can only be used once a day, wiping away her energy. And while Darkness has a mean sword, she misses every time with it. So yeah, this is a rag-tag team of useless dopes. Let’s watch the wacky misadventures of Kazuma, Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness as they go on missions, drink until they puke, explode castles, and steal underwear.

Yes, Kazuma occasionally does this.

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: Crunchyroll has been able to bless the masses with an English dub. Can’t let FUNimation have all the Isekai hits. So far it’s been alright and I’m hearing more Erica Mendez and Cristina Vee. All good things here! Plus it gives me a chance to hear the voices of Kazuma, whom up to this point I have minimal time listening to either person who plays him. And annoying as Aqua may be, Faye Mata does a really good job with that range Sora Amamiya set in the original. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

JAPANESE CAST: *Kazuma is played by Jun Fukushima (known for Naruko on Yowamushi Pedal and Makoto on Fruits Basket 2019)

*Aqua is played by Sora Amamiya (known for Touka on Tokyo Ghoul, Chizuru on Rent A Girlfriend, Miia on Monster Musume, Yachiyo on Magia Record, Akame on Akame ga Kill, and Elizabeth on Seven Deadly Sins)

*Megumin is played by Rie Takahashi (known for Emilia on Re:Zero)

*Darkness is played by Ai Kayano (known for Alice on SAO: Alicization, Menma on Anohana, Nana on Golden Time, Ryouko on Food Wars, Itsuwa on Index, Yukika on My Love Story, and Mayaka on Hyouka)

ENGLISH CAST: *Kazuma is played by Arnie Pantoja (known for Watchdog-Man on One Punch Man and Kanbarry on Re:Zero)

*Aqua is played by Faye Mata (known for Rin on Love Live, Aluminum Siren on Sailor Moon Stars, Yukako on Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Pt. 4, Frederica on Re:Zero, and a bitch on Shield Hero)

*Megumin is played by Erica Mendez (known for Ryuko on Kill la Kill, Haruka/Sailor Uranus on Sailor Moon S [redub], Raphtalia on Shield Hero, Retsuko on Aggretsuko, Nico on Love Live, and Emma on The Promised Neverland)

*Darkness is played by Cristina Vee (known for Homura on Madoka Magica, Rei/Sailor Mars on Sailor Moon, Mio on K-ON, Sakura on Fate/Stay Night UBW, Kotori on Love Live, and Kanaria on Rozen Maiden: Traumend)

FAVORITE CHARACTER: Darkness is best girl, don’t at me!

SHIPPING (sorta): Can we just all agree that Darkness is just a sober version of Cheryl from Archer?

Whoever ends up with her will end up choking her either because she tells you to or she annoys you with her masochistic nature! I seriously do not know how you want me to turn this shipping discussion into anything other than a comment about a bitch getting choked.

ENDING TO SEASON ONE: Kazuma has been able to get a little good luck in his other world as he was finally able to move out of the stables and into a house with the rest of his crew. Although, it didn’t come easy! Then again, what has in this series? In the final episode of the first season, all of the adventures of the town were called to take on a scary foe. Up to this point, we’ve seen these guys take out mutant cabbages and an idiot dullahan. Today we’ve got…

A giant, mechanical spider!

Why do the stupidest stories always rely on a giant, mechanical spider? Kazuma and the rest were able to stop the spider from moving. However, this monstrosity is set to explode and the impact could take out the entire town. Darkness wants to repay the town for all it has done for her and her family. The adventurer men want to repay the town because of all the succubus taverns they love. And Kazuma just wants to continue his journey so he can take out the demon king. Now, because Megumin already used her explosion magic for the day, she’s down for the count. But she was able to do it a second time thanks to Kazuma transferring some magic from Aqua through his spell and with a little help from Wiz. The day is saved, Kazuma and his crew got a hefty reward, and then Kazuma is immediately charged with treason for sending the evidence to a higher up and it exploded.

Believe it or not, but a lot of these quests end with a giant middle finger to them. Almost like Curb Your Enthusiasm!

EPISODE 11: The special episode that followed came with some more misfortune for Kazuma. A trip to Wiz’s shop ends with a choker around Kazuma’s neck that’s going to strangle him in three days if his wish doesn’t come true. So to figure out what Kazuma’s wish is, Kazuma has all of these girls fulfill his greatest desires in the hopes of one of these humiliating tasks will release Kazuma from the choker.

As you can guess, because this is an OVA, it will be filled to the brim with degeneracy compared to the television series. Fuck yeah it was! Kazuma used this opportunity to use Wiz’s tits as comfy pillows, have Megumin play “Strip Rock/Paper/Scissors” with Yunyun, have Aqua fetch him food, and watch Darkness jiggle her breasts. Even when he thought he was at death’s door, he uses this special time to tell each girl with him at this dramatic moment that they are nothing more than tits and ass. All except for Aqua! No love for her. Not even a pity erection! So when the spell on the choker was released due to a simple wish, Kazuma was then killed by Aqua and quite possibly everyone else and Kazuma was sent back to the goddess chamber as he learned a powerful lesson.

Don’t ever do that again!

Damn…Kazuma died 3 times so far in 11 episodes. Subaru got you beat by a country mile. He’s probably looking at you like, “You damn, lucky dumbass. I got frozen, shanked, stabbed, sliced, maced, and eaten by bunnies”.

SEASON TWO: As I mentioned at the end of season one, Kazuma is charged with treason and usually that comes with a death sentence. Unfortunately for Kazuma, his unintentional crime was against this big, fat, smelly noble who has many higher-ups wrapped around his finger. The townspeople can’t really help him out otherwise they’d risk being charged as well. And you have a prosecutor wanting Kazuma’s head on a pike not only for the major charge, but for being a pervert. The writing is on the wall, Kazuma is screwed. However, thanks to Darkness (and her family lineage) she was able to take one for the team by saving Kazuma (for now) and have that big, fat, smelly noble do God knows what to her. Also, the kingdom repossessed a lot of things from Kazuma’s crew.

So they’re worse than “square one” at this point. They’re at “square -57” with how much debt they’ve all accumulated.

ENDING TO SEASON TWO: Things are starting to look up for Kazuma and his crew. They were able to abolish their debt, got the treason charges lifted, and they were able to gain back some respect around the village. So what better way to celebrate then to go on a bit of vacation. The gang decided to head off to another town for some rest and relaxation. Unfortunately, the town they spent their time off at is full of religious wackos. And what I mean by religious wackos, I mean WORSE than Jehova Witnesses, Evangelical Christians, and the Heaven’s Gate cult all rolled into one.

…Okay, I’m obviously embellishing here. I just really fucking hate all of those ones I just mentioned. This cult is so fucking annoying! At every turn they’re trying to convert Kazuma, Megumin, and Darkness into their fold.

Oh wait, it gets better! This cult worships the goddess Aqua! And of course our favorite idiot Aqua was using this to her advantage. That is until a priest didn’t believe her, starting a chain reaction with the townsidiots all leading up to them chasing Kazuma and crew out with pitchforks and fire. Apparently, Aqua did a big no-no by purifying the hot spring water and now it’s just regular water.

Unfortunately at that same time, a general to the dark lord was in area poisoning all of the water in this town. Yeah, this guy is serious trouble since he’s on a higher level than Wiz (back when she was working under the demon king). But he’s a slime and works with poison. In this world, Kazuma doesn’t stand a chance. Surprisingly, this battle went well (albeit Kazuma dying inside the slime), but we got to see Aqua at her baddest of ass. Now you’d think the town would be grateful to Kazuma and his team for ridding them of a demon king general. Hahaha, never trust religious nutjobs! They still found fault with Aqua purifying their hot springs and they were thrown out.

In the 11th episode (or second side-story), Kazuma thought he was meeting a new fan in town. So he regales her with tales of his expoditions to woo her. Turns out the girl is a new member of the local tavern and one of her jobs is to listen to useless adventurers to boost their morale. And this girl was totally not digging Kazuma. I think this hurt Kazuma more than all the times he’s died in this series.

MOVIE: We head off to the land where Megumin and Yunyun were born and raised. While there was some miscommunication into if the town and their families were in trouble to begin with, trouble sure found Kazuma and the gang once they arrived. Another general of the demon king ends up causing quite a stir in the town. Sylvia was extra hard to take down in this story. Just when you thought she was dead, she returns from death’s door and brings the poison slime from season two and the dullahan from season one to wreck havoc all across the land. Luckily, Kazuma, his crew, Wiz, Yunyun, and the rest of the townspeople were able to put an end to Sylvia and her cohorts.

But man, Kazuma got some really shitty deals in this movie. His trashy and perverted reputation isn’t any better. Megumin’s father wanted to kill him. Megumin’s mother locked Kazuma and Megumin in a room together in hopes of doing the nasty, was messed with by a chimera of two genders, and was killed in a gruesome way that even the angels had to throw up when they saw the state of Kazuma.

On a positive note, Megumin seemed to have grown a little with this adventure as she was even thinking of putting her explosive magic on hold and give a whirl at other options. But she still gave a giant explosion that’s worth 120 points.

Konosuba was amusing. Definitely worth a few chuckles! I know it won’t be for everyone as comedy in anime can often be hit-or-miss. But the combination of characters with many quirks, the animation, the setting, the tasks, and misunderstandings, you’ve got yourself an anime version of Curb Your Enthusiasm. So…yeah, not for everyone, hit-or-miss! But in the big five isekai animes, this one is a little more light compared to some of the others. Overlord can get quite gory. Shield Hero will anger any sane person to a point of madness. And Re:Zero is just a misery blanket! Konosuba is that light-hearted comedy where sometimes the main protagonist dies horrificly in battle, but will return like Kenny from South Park. So if Shield Hero and Re:Zero depress you, maybe you might need a break with the silly, zany antics of Kazuma’s crew in Konosuba.

Results may vary on your views of Aqua.

If you would like to watch Konosuba, the entire series is available on Crunchyroll. That’s the first season, second season, both OVA’s, and the movie in several different languages!

Okay, let’s pick our next Netflix, Crunchyroll, or Amazon exclusive!

Alright! An anime like Black Lagoon if it involved gay boys! Banana Fish time.

[void-tiger]

Tagged by @curiosity-killed (thanks for the tag!!)

roses or daisies:

DAISIES!!! They’re so simple and cheery have just as many colors and look delicate but are actually really tenacious? Also, how charming is Day’s Eye (and asters in general having the habit of facing eachother if they’re not turned towards the light--I think I have a picture of dahlias doing this from last autumn--and like. Star Flower. Okay, I’ll shut up now xD )

classical or lofi:

...okay so I admit I had to look this one up. But easily some of my favorite tracks are those Hidden Ones that bands plop onto their albums to fill up leftover space, but are often basically just scrapped recording or practice sessions? The bloopers and their creative process, basically. Cut to me googling and youtubing it and finding hiphop lofi and...yeah! Definitely Lofi.

(Classical vs OST and Modern Classical (that’s composed to be a lot more cinematic) just...really puts me on edge. It’s too mathematical...to put it nicely.)

So...yeah. Slow beats and something that sounds experimental or like a jamming session? It’s soothing and kinda ideal for background noise.

sunrises or sunsets:

Sunset. One, never ever gonna be a “morning person”. Forget it. Two, sunsets often have more dramatic colors and still make the landscape glow and you get to see stars peeping out vs fading. Also, y’know. I’m actually awake to appreciate it vs groggy and legit physically ill.

honey or lemon:

Honey as a condiment. Lemon for sweets flavor. (Baklava’s probably the exception...then again I haven’t had that many honey-flavored sweets, I guess? But Lemon-Poppyseed?? Definitely one of my favorites,)

coffee or tea:

Coffee. I adore tea service aesthetics and will someday probably collect them (especially the really quirky or earthen or blownglass ones vs the froufrou european ones)...buuuut, I just haven’t really had A Good Cuppa Tea much at all. There was this spiced tea I’ve had in Jordan that was AMAZING and I do like greentea (with...A LOT of sugar or honey...) but. I’ve just never really had tea. My family’s coffee drinkers, so the smell of coffee is nostalgic. (And yes, I’m basic enough that I prefer flavored, sweetened creamers; and my coffee brewed or spiced with, like, cinnamon and nutmeg, too. Or as a mocha.)

...I also have a Bad Habit of abandoning my Herbal “Teas” with the bags either left steeping too long (I have gotten better at using a timer) or while waiting for them to cool. And while I’d just really love it for Uncle Iroh to make me tea (provided he doesn’t get on my case about wanting sugar and maybe cream), the Times and Temperatures are just so dang fussy!! I...don’t think I have the patience for that.

enemies to lovers or friends to lovers:

Friends to Lovers. I just...don’t Get It with the sexual tension~ that seems to be the driving force behind enemies to lovers...I guess?? (That, and unless it’s literally on a battlefield, HARD PASS. I’ve had people try to blow off my complaints about getting repeatedly tormented as “he liiiiiikes you~” bullshit to ever be comfortable with it as anything but Legit Two Sides Of A Battle/Political Conflict. Sorry.)

But, Friends to Lovers? That Bond. And then the ...Oh. The domesticity and trust and safety. Also it is RIPE for Idiots to Lovers mutual pining xD

(bonus points if both parties decide ahead of time, “hey. even if dating doesn’t work out I still value your friendship in my life, so no pressure about ‘ruining things,’“ And then, of course, it does work out and there was nothing to be anxious about, after all.)

rainy days or sunny days:

...cop out but, overcast days with Soft Sunlight and Cloudbreaks?? I do like a clear skies sunny day, but, my eyes are also so sensitive to light that it can be painful. Rainy days can be soothing...but the rain has to be A Certain Way. Too heavy and with too much wind behind it and it can get me anxious. (My childhood home had Every Rain is Severe Weather...with no place to shelter. It’s gonna take awhile before i can appreciate it like i’d want.)

jupiter or mars:

Jupiter. GIANT. DEADLY. MARBLE (that wants to eeeaaat meeeee...) Also Pluto, and the jovian moons.

aphrodite or athena:

Athena!! She’s an ace icon, aight?? And also strikes me as...very, very Tired with everyone’s bullshit. Also...all the greek gods are kinda assholes. So. Yeah. She ain’t perfect and her characterization’s at the mercy of whatever myth in question, but generally she strikes me as practical and sensible and having Mercy...sometimes. As much as that group is capable of it, anyway...

rome or greece:

...probably Ancient Rome as a “ancient culture to explore but a YIKES (but. so is ancient greece.)” But visiting IRL in the present? Greece.

sun or moon:

Moon. I appreciate what the sun does and I do like feeling sunlight and all that...but, I’m also a night person. And I can look at the moon without risk of blindness and admire its corona and that rainbow corona you can see just a bit further out if you know where and how to look. BUT. The moon easily loses out to a starfield, especially if the light pollution and humidity are both low enough that ya get to actually see the milky way’s galaxy arm. (The irony that the sun IS our local star does not elude me.)

1920s or 1990s:

...neither?? 90s only slightly win out ‘cause I’m a ‘93 Kid and the 90s and 00s had some incredible toys and cartoons. And, idk. I still like overall pants and shorts. Always have. While a flapper dress would be “oooh pretty! starlight beading! Now OFF. Back to regular clothes for ‘Sporing or Comfy Lounging.”

blizzard or thunderstorm:

Blizzard. Also. Have you considered...thundersnow??

(Admittedly? I’ve also never been through a snowstorm that threatened by health&safety. The same cannot be said about thunderstorms when nearly every one could or would spawn tornados and severe straightline winds that could knock down trees and powerlines and sometimes even damage homes. While living in a home with NO safe place to shelter. Not even an interior closet or bathroom. NOT. FUN.)

midnight memories or made in the am:

...what?? [googles] ...OH...they’re...albums. UH. Neither?? (I don’t listen to them...?)

sage green or vanilla white:

Sage green. It’s kinda a nostalgic color somehow? Also. Just not a fan of monochrome...at all. I see it? I instantly want it to be a backdrop. Negative space. For COLOR. (jewel tones for whites/light neutrals and browns; NEONS for blacks and dark greys. Preference for Jewel Tones over Neons...wait. What was the question again??? OH YEAH..uh... I do like vanilla icecream? With rainbow sprinkles. Or...paired with hot fruit pie or cobbler. Or cookies. Um...yeah I should prolly shutup now. xD )

folklore or lover:

...I don’t...understand??? But...I like Folkslore as in...folklore??? Fairytales, Legends, Myths... (also, so frikkin ace I’m just. not ever gonna pick “lover”)

croissant or macaroon:

...why would you do this to me. I make a beeline for croissants because...Soft Flaky Buttery Bread. And they are So Good as a savory sandwich sorta thing. Easily better than english muffins or crumpets, tho biscuits have a fighting chance. But LIKE. Soft breads. My weakness as a kid.

...but a good macaroon?? It is so light and crisp and TINY and like?? how does it taste like coffee??? and berries????? (Too bad they are So EXPENSIVE. While even cheap croissants are almost always Good.)

ballgowns or pantsuits:

I like the aesthetics of a ballgown. But never the pricetag, I wouldn’t wanna live in that thing for more than an hour, tops (and. so much damn work!!) and I’m stuck looking at them Defying (boob) Physics and just...dying a little inside. With my rare It Pretty Want Pretty wilting with it. But...it’s rare that pantsuits really...look like anything. (They also look uncomfortable and yet another Wardrobe Disaster and Do I HAVE To??? if I think about...actually wearing them. But, Legs Free No Tripping...I guess??)

hades or zeus:

I only wanna EVER meet Zeus if I get to castrate the bastard and lock ‘im up where he’ll NEVER get back out. Hades, tho...I’m WATCHING you, Bub. (Why yes, I agree with Demeter on this one.)

platonic love or sensual love:

Platonic. Cuddling and Kissing are technically Sensual but, y’know what? They ain’t exclusive to sexual or romantic loves (and I just. really do not want kissing at all. MAYBE a quick kiss on the forehead or fingertips but LIKE. That’s it. And it’s cute af for...literally ANY Love Type.)

light academia or cottagecore:

Honestly? A mix between the two. Cottagecore with my charming little home with its overgrown flowerbed of wildflowers (and asters! All the asters) and produce grown in large pots or hanging baskets...and inside the walls are covered with overflowing shelves of books and knicknacks and other Neat Things. Oh, and naturally a tea service (might not actually have tea in it...) and tons of pillows and blankets, and lamps and lanterns Everywhere for warm and soft (and colorful) light to read by while music plays softly in the background. And the home smells like something I just made for Supper or Snacks, or like a food-scented candle.

-

Aaaaaand tagging @mckinlily @headspacedad @aairachnid @synergetic-prose and whoever else wants to play! No obligation to play if tagged.

[dustedmagazine]

Dust, Volume 6, Number 10

The Slugs 

September seemed to be the month when all the records on endless delay finally got kicked out the door, COVID or no, ready or not here we come. We’re deluged with music, some recorded before the world changed, some clearly cooked up mid-pandemic. There are a lot of covers EPs, lots of solo material, lots of home-made lo-fi, lots of benefit comps, and who are we to complain? Better, instead, to reach for the headphones, load up the hard drive, pile on the LPs and do some listening. Here’s some of the stuff that caught our attention, as usual ranging all over the continuum, from traditional to edgy and experimental, from silly pop punk to enraged death metal to bookish electro-acoustic improvisation. Contributors this time out included Jonathan Shaw, Patrick Masterson, Jennifer Kelly, Bill Meyer, Derek Taylor, Ray Garraty, Tim Clarke and Andrew Forell. Happy fall.

Amputation — Slaughtered in the Arms of God (Nuclear War Now!)

Slaughtered in the Arms of God by Amputation

Given the degree of smugness that accompanies utterances of the phrase “Old School Death Metal,” it’s frequently instructive to listen to some. Right on time, the misanthropic bunch at Nuclear War Now! has delivered some seriously Old School sounds to our digital doorstep. This new compilation LP gathers both of the demos of Norwegian knuckle-draggers Amputation, along with a contemporaneous rehearsal recording. Likely the resulting record will be of principal interest to fans of Immortal, the long-running, on-again-off-again Norwegian black metal band that Amputation would morph into in 1991. The songs collected on Slaughtered in the Arms of God have some additional musicological significance, as they document the sounds of 1989 and 1990, transformational years in Norway’s metal scene. Mayhem and Darkthrone tend to get most of the attention, for reasons both good and bad; and like Darkthrone, Amputation made death metal before transitioning to blacker, more brittle sounds. The music on Slaughtered in the Arms of God is muddy, thudding and thick. Perhaps that’s the result of the primitive recording tech the band used, likely of necessity. But through the murk (and to some degree because of it), you can hear the influence of Stockholm’s fecund death metal scene, especially Dismember’s earliest stuff. Scandinavia’s metal currents run deep and dark. Whether that means that Old School Death Metal is intrinsically a good thing is a different matter.

Jonathan Shaw

 Anz — Loose in Twos (NRG) 12” (Hessle Audio)

Loos In Twos (NRG) by Anz

I love the idea of listening to DJ mixes of original or all-new material; it’s probably why I still value, say, Ricardo Villalobos’ Fabric 36 so much. Manchester’s Anna Marie-Odubote, aka Anz, has been doing just such a thing annually since 2015 and really went wild with spring/summer dubs 2020, which compiled 74 tracks into nearly an hour and a half of new music. That would’ve been more than enough amid all of this (imagine me gesturing around vaguely), but “Loos in Twos (NRG)” on the venerable Hessle Audio imprint is an equally formidable, decidedly tighter release I played a lot at the start of September. Three club-ready tracks here break down acid, jungle and footwork, and while all three are heady breaks, the looped vocals and bongo of “Stepper” make it the one for me. Get those feet moving digitally now so they’re comfortable once the vinyl arrives in early October.

Patrick Masterson

 Ashes and Afterglow — Everybody Wants a Revolution (Postlude Paradox)

Ashes and Afterglow drops pop punk melodies into deep buckets of fuzz, lets them bubble and bob to the surface before shoving them under again. The band is mainly the output of one Luke Daniel, who appears to have been in other band called Sea of Orchids, but neither outfit has left much of an internet trail. And sure, this is the kind of thing that could easily get shuffled under; it breaks no moulds. And yet shuffling “To Take a Look at the World,” has a heart-worn resonance, Daniel’s voice echoing in reverbed hollow-ness against surging tides of guitar noise. “My Yesterday Girl” churns a little harder, with a bright, pop-leaning sort of hopefulness hedged in by seething feedback. It’s not bad, but it never hits a melodic vein the way that similarly inclined artists like Ted Leo or Ovlov or Tony Molina do, and it never pushes the noise over the top, either. Neither pop nor punk but somewhere in middle.

Jennifer Kelly

 Ballister — Znachki Stilyag (Aerophonic)

Znachki Stilyag by Ballister

A cake is still a cake, whether you put chocolate frosting and strawberries or white icing and a fondant roses on top. And while they don’t all taste or look exactly the same, a Ballister album is still a Ballister album, and the first Ballister album in three years does not mess with the recipe. Dave Rempis (alto and tenor saxophones), Fred Lonberg-Holm (cello and electronics), and Paal Nilssen-Love (drums and percussion) still trade in a particularly hard-hitting form of total improvisation. The changes are ones of emphasis — Lonberg-Holm sounds like he’s using a wah-wah pedal and deploys some especially slashing feedback tones, there’s a bit more space in Nilssen-Love’s intricate beat configurations, and Rempis left his baritone sax at home — and of location. Znachki Stilyag was recorded during the fall of 2019 in Moscow, Russia, which may explain why the big horn stayed at home. But the ones you hear still cut and thrust with broadsword force and rapier precision. This is a cake you can trust.

Bill Meyer  

 Vincent Chancey — The Spell: The Vincent Chancey Trio Live, 1987 (No Business) 

Vincent Chancey likely isn’t alone amongst his peers in feeling exasperated by folks singling out his instrument as uncommon or unusual to jazz. It’s a form of damning through faint praise and one that feel

s even more lackadaisical with any time spent with his music. Chancey plays the French horn and he’s plied it in settings as diverse as Sun Ra Arkestra, Lester Bowie’s Brass Fantasy and Charlie Haden’s Liberation Music Orchestra as well as gigs supporting Aretha Franklin and Elvis Costello. It’s unclear whether the trio documented on The Spell was a working concern, but that hardly matters given how well bassist Wilbur Morris and percussionist Warren Smith gel with their convener. Spread across two sides of an LP, the concert recorded at a New York City art gallery covers four pieces, two by Morris bookending one apiece from Smith and the leader that stitch together very much like cohesive suite. An unadvertised surprise comes with Smith’s ample application of marimba alongside a regular drum kit. Recording quality isn’t optimal, but Chancey’s rich, rounded, phrases gain extra gravitas through the sometimes-grainy acoustics. Woefully underrepresented in the driver’s seat discographically, his acumen as both improviser and composer is easily vindicated by this limited edition (300 copies) release.

Derek Taylor 

 Che Chen — Tokyo 17.II.2012 (self-released)

Tokyo 17.II.2012 by Che Chen

Nowadays Che Chen has earned a measure renown as the guitar-playing half of 75 Dollar Bill, and all the praise is earned. But before that, he played a roomful of instruments in the True Primes, Heresy of the Free Spirit and duos with Robbie Lee, Tetuzi Akiyama and Chie Mukai. The through-lines to all these efforts is a willingness not to play things the way their supposed to be played, and a gift for supplying the right resonance in any setting. Since 75 Dollar Bill is a New York-based band made for social occasions, the COVID-19 lay-off has been especially hard — so there’s no better time to see what’s in those hard drives in the closet, right? Chen has released this solo concert from 2012 via Bandcamp. In Tokyo for a brief layover, he played amplified violin at a party held in the basement of someone’s apartment building. The amplified part is important; dips and swells of feedback count as much as in this 25-minute performance as the fiddle’s bright, plucked notes and rough, bowed tones. Chen moves purposefully from one mode to next, taking time along the way to savor the room’s lively acoustics.

Bill Meyer

 Jeff Cosgrove/ John Medeski/ Jeff Lederer — History Gets Ahead of the Story (Grizzley Music)

Odds are that even the estimable William Parker would be surprised by the prospect of a William Parker cover album. But that’s essentially what History Gets Ahead of the Story is as organized and realized by drummer Jeff Cosgrove. That the project is the province of an organ trio only adds to the potential consternation quotient. John Medeski officiates the Hammond B-3 console and saxophonist Jeff Lederer, doubling on flute, completes the combo convened by Cosgrove. The latter’s connections to Parker stem from a trio he was part of with the bassist/composer and pianist Matthew Shipp that disbanded in 2015 after fruitful collaboration. Parker’s personage and music left an indelible mark and the seeds for the present album were sown. Collective creative license doesn’t get in the way of soulful, energizing renderings of such staples as “O’Neal’s Porch,” “Corn Meal Dance” and “Wood Flute Songs,” but troika also cedes time for a triptych of strong originals that align aurally with their dedicatee’s inclusive tone world sensibilities.

Derek Taylor   

 Derelenismo Occulere — Inexorable Revelación (Le Legione Projets)

Inexorable Revelacion (FULL LENGHT 2020) by Derelenismo Occulere

This sounds like a rehearsal gone wrong. In the time of the COVID pandemic, Neo Apolion, a guy responsible for the music in this Ecuadorean duo, recorded a demo and sent it to the band’s vocalist Malduchryst with a message to do with it whatever he wants. Malduchryst took his band partner’s words all too literally. With complete disregard to the music he began vomiting a noisy, messy mass of screams to a microphone (has he never heard of a black metal with no vocals?). If it sounds totally batshit, you can rest assured that it is. This is what makes Inexorable Revelación actually great black metal. When a lot of metal bands these days are just Backstreet Boys with leather jackets on and with guitars, Derelenismo Occulere care about only fury and mayhem. Their Argentinean mix man Ignacio only adds more chaos to the album. The only flaw this tape has is that it is 15 minutes too long.

Ray Garraty  

 Whit Dickey — Morph (ESP-Disk)

Morph by Whit Dickey

Drummer Whit Dickey and pianist Matthew Shipp have been recurrent partners since the early 1990s, when they were both members of the David S. Ware Quartet. It’s fair to say that each man is a known quantity to the other, and that one of the things they know about each other is that they might still be surprised by the other’s playing. Dickey’s retreated from time to time in order to revise his approach, and while Shipp has often threatened to quit recording over the years, he has never stopped working or evolving. This double disc combines one duo CD and another that adds trumpeter Nate Wooley to the pair. Wooley’s done a number of dates with Shipp in recent times, but he and Dickey were musical strangers before they entered Park West Studios in March 2019. Without Wooley, Shipp and Dickey seem very free and trusting of each other, transitioning with dreamlike ease from abstracted gospel to sideways swing to restless co-rumination this the ease. The trio seems more considered. The trumpeter dips quite sparingly into his extended technique bag, favoring instead linear statements that instigate fleet perambulations from the pianist and more supportive, less overtly dialogic contributions from the drummer. Both sessions work, and their differences complement each other quite handily.

Bill Meyer

 Dropdead — S/T (Armageddon)

Dropdead 2020 by Dropdead

Yep, it’s that Dropdead, the Providence-based powerviolence band that hasn’t released a proper LP since 1998 and was on a long hiatus through much of the 21st century. Since 2011, Dropdead has put out a string of splits, with heavyweights like Converge and Brainoil. But a whole record? Maybe the unrelentingly shitty condition of our political and economic conjuncture motivated the four guys in the band (three of whom have been affiliated with Dropdead since 1991) to write the 23 burners, rants and breakdown-heavy hardcore tunes you’ll hear across Dropdead’s 25 minutes. It’s a welcome addition. Bob Otis’s voice doesn’t have the shredding quality of days of yore — but that ends up being useful. You can hear the lyrics, and they’re drenched in venom and righteousness. The rest of the band hasn’t lost a step. Pretty impressive for a bunch of guys with that much grey in their beards. That said, they don’t pull any intergenerational, “we’re-older-and-wiser” moves. This is still music that wants to collapse boundaries, between stage and mosh pit, between races and genders, between species, even. Not so much class positions: “Warfare State,” “United States of Corruption,” “Will You Fight?” Late capitalism’s depredations still bear the principal brunt of the band’s anger. Things have gotten worse, and Dropdead respond in kind. They may be a lot older, but they’re even more pissed off.

Jonathan Shaw

 Fake Laugh — Waltz (State 51 Conspiracy)

Earlier this year, Kamran Khan released his second Fake Laugh album, the charming, playful Dining Alone, which made its way into Dusted’s mid-year round-up of favorites released in the first half of 2020. Khan’s third album, Waltz, is a very different beast, featuring just piano, vocals and the odd keyboard texture, casting his songwriting in sharp relief. Undoubtedly created in this stripped-down way out of lockdown necessity, it’s hard to listen to these wistful, melancholic songs without imagining where Khan’s knack for colorful arrangements might take them, given the chance. (As a tease, closing song “Amhurst” offers up a shimmering electronic melody and some sighing synth chords.) There’s no doubting Khan’s way with a tune, and his naked vocal, though occasionally showing strain, suits the mood. It’s understated and undeniably lovely, yet Waltz feels like a minor release for this talented artist.

Tim Clarke

 David Grubbs / Taku Unami — Comet Meta (Blue Chopsticks)

Comet Meta by David Grubbs & Taku Unami

In the 23 years since Gastr Del Sol fell apart, David Grubbs has done many things that don’t sound much like his old band with Jim O’Rourke. And Taku Unami has worked in such varied settings and ways that the most persistent quality of his engagement with sound is its ability to induce question marks and ellipses in any train of thought intending to decode it. So, it’s both remarkable and delightful that this record, the duo’s second collaboration, sounds rather like parts of Gastr Del Sol’s Upgrade & Afterlife. The foundation rests upon the way two guys who can and do play intricate guitar duets make subtle use of other elements — creeping acoustic piano, humming synthesizer, urban field recordings — to make music that thickens atmosphere and accumulates mystery with such subtlety that you don’t notice it until you’re in it.

Bill Meyer  

 Guided by Voices — Mirrored Aztec (Guided by Voices Inc.)

I know, I know, it’s another Guided by Voices record, the fifth since 2019, but hear me out. Pollard is still tapped into the fuzzy, rackety, melodic sap of the rock and roll universe, and he has only to knock his hammer a few times against the gnarled tree of life to extract more of what sustains us. Shorter version: he can do this all day, every day, without any noticeable let-up in quality. So, let us celebrate another batch of Who-like power chords, of rumbling drums and monumental bass thuds, of melodies that curve out delicately like spring’s first vines, then thicken into thundering climaxes and triumphant refrains. Let us give thanks again for inscrutable lyrics that drift off into poetry then pull back in the most ordinary artifacts of the spoken word. “I Think I Had It. I Think I Have It,” crows Pollard in a voice that has been blasted by time but come out more or less intact, and yes, Bob, you still do.

Jennifer Kelly

  Edu Haubensak & Tomas Korber — Works for Guitar & Percussion (Ezz-thetics)

The celebrated Wandelweiser aesthetic serves as a loose overarching impetus for the four interpretations of compositions by Edu Haubensak and Tomas Korber that comprise Works for Guitar & Percussion. Classical guitarist Christian Buck and improvising percussionist Christian Wolfarth ply their instruments through pairing and isolation. Essayist Andy Hamilton describes context by delineating a distinction between music (based in the language of tones) and soundart (which is non-tonal) and placing the duo’s interpretations in the opaque border between these realms. Repetition and timbral disparity frame Haubensak’s “On” while Korber’s “Aufhebung” applies scrutiny to microtonal diversity and temporal impermanence. Wolfarth fields Korber’s “Weniger Weiss” from behind snare drum, trading recurring stick rolls with varying segments of silence that compel ears accustomed to Western musical structures to consciously fill in the blanks. Haubensak’s solo “Refugium” finds Buck bending two closely tuned strings in an extrapolation of an Arabic maqam that feels tenuously connected to the form, at best.

Derek Taylor 

 Inseclude — Inseclude (Inseclude)

Brad MacAllister of CTRL and Blue Images and Benjamin Londa of Exit have been working in the darkwave and chillwave scenes for several years and their first album as Inseclude is a long distance collaboration that mines the darker side of 1980s alternative and electronic rock. From Pennsylvania, MacAllister sent musical ideas to Londa in Texas who added guitars, lyrics and vocals to produce a set of songs that are well made and enjoyable if largely unmemorable. There are a number of contemporary bands doing similar things — Hamilton’s Capitol and Manchester’s Ist spring immediately to mind — taking the Cure, New Order, Sisters of Mercy template and why not? Unfortunately, the passage of time and the law of diminishing returns have led to overfamiliarity with this style of music that makes for easy and perhaps unfair comparisons. When they stretch themselves, Inseclude’s songs do hit. “Sondera” and “Failing To The Pulse” carry some real menace with the juxtaposition of wide-angle synths and paranoid vocals but elsewhere the pair seem held back by a restraint and lack of bottom end that diminish the impact of some pretty decent songs.

Andrew Forell

 Kvalia — Scholastic Dreams Of Forceful Machines (Old Boring Russia)

Схоластические Грёзы Силовых Машин by Квалиа

Krasnoyarsk sits on the banks of the Yenisei river in southern Siberia and is known both for the natural beauty of its surrounding landscape and for its primacy as an aluminum producer. Local musicians Aleksander Maznichenko and Aleksey Danilenko reflect the latter on their new five track EP Scholastic Dreams Of Forceful Machines, an icy, metallic collection of post-industrial clang pitched somewhere between Einstürzende Neubauten and early Clock DVA. Their machines are forceful but cranky, rusted, near obsolete. Maznichenko keeps the thrum of turbines is steady but the drum machines lurch and thump, the keyboards whine and scream, the Russian vocals protest their obstreperous charges. Danilenko’s bass is post-punk elastic skipping amongst the raining sparks hinting at a will to dance with his mutant riffs. They sound like they mean it and the result is a terrific EP full of fire, fumes, steam and sweat.

Andrew Forell  

 Mezzanine Swimmers — Kneelin’ on a Knife (Already Dead)

Kneelin' on a Knife by Mezzanine Swimmers

These songs circle around noise-crusted, repetitive beats, the drumming stiff and mechanical, the riffs chopped to short bursts, the vocals woozy and distended. “Sexy Apology” reiterates a three-note keyboard lick ad infinitum, as main Swimmer Mike Smith drawls the title phrase, similarly on repeat. Yet within this unchanging structure, chaos erupts in detuned keyboards, miasmic feedback and corrosive noise. It’s hard to say whether these songs are too tightly organized or too loose, a bit of both really, and yet, get past the headachy thud and there’s an unhinged psychotropic transport. No one ever said that kneeling on knives would be comfortable.

Jennifer Kelly

 Mosca — The Optics (Rent)

Mosca · The Optics [RENT001]

Part of the initial wave of neon-infused dubstep hedonism surrounding the Night Slugs camp at the turn of the last decade, Mosca’s Tom Reid has since survived on the strength of a regular slot behind the decks at NTS and sparingly deployed releases on such renowned labels as Numbers, Rinse, Hypercolour and Livity Sound. “The Optics” debuts his new Rent imprint, conceived as a way to get out music that doesn’t fit in elsewhere. (Originally, this was to be an a-side for a coming AD93 release, but as he says, “There's only so long you can keep a track with a baby crying in it back from the masses.”) Supposedly inspired by the Under the Skin beach scene, the five-minute track immediately throws you off with a dub-heavy shuffle and metallic, alien sounds that zoom around the mix. The main thrust of the melody arrives around a minute in, and gradually the sounds close in on you. There’s bells, birds, a baby crying and then, just when you’re feeling completely stressed out, it all falls away; a driving jungle rhythm carries you the rest of the way. Deeply satisfying dance from a head who hasn’t lost his way.

Patrick Masterson  

 Prana Crafter/ragenap — No Ear to Hear (Centripetal Force Studio/Cardinal Fuzz)

No Ear to Hear by Prana Crafter / ragenap

When Robert Hunter, the poet who wrote lyrics for the Grateful Dead’s “Dark Star,” “Ripple,” “Truckin’,” “Terrapin Station” and many other songs, died in late 2019, long form psych musicians Prana Crafter (William Sol) and ragenap (Joel Berk) mourned separately but simultaneously. The night he died, both took solace in improvised music, which didn’t so much evoke or represent Hunter, but captured some of their feelings about his work and their loss. When they talked, soon after, they found that both had made lengthy open-ended meditations on the same person. Those two extended pieces make up No Ear to Hear. Prana Crafter’s entry, “Beggar’s Tomb,” is weighted and slow moving, building gradually from simmering drones into towering edifices of feedback and dissonance. Although performed largely on guitar, the sound is filtered through gleaming effects and layers into astral strangeness, a mystic’s trip through mental interiors. ragenap’s “Nightfall” also takes shape slowly out of looming sustained notes and black velvet quiet and sounds that scratch and vibrate at the edges. A solitary acoustic guitar takes up space at the forefront finally, carving a hesitant melody across the hum. The tune turns fuller and more agitated as it progresses, adding layers of feedback and distortion. Neither of these pieces sounds much like the Grateful Dead, and of course, neither has any sort of lyrics. I doubt that anyone, hearing this album for the first time would say, “Oh yeah, Robert Hunter.” And yet inspiration works in strange and, in this case, fruitful ways. You can enjoy this even if you don’t like the Dead.

Jennifer Kelly

 Raven Throne — Viartannie (Chroniki Źmiainaj Ciemry) (self-released)

Viartannie (Chroniki Źmiainaj Ciemry) /The Return (The Chronicles of the Serpent Darkness) by RAVEN THRONE

These Belorussian black metal veterans are true materialists. On their seventh album, they show that nature is a social construct, not something given. And boy, their nature is not a loving mother. Unlike many metal bands convey nature via field recordings, Raven Throne craft their ferocious sounds with guitars and drums. Aren’t these as natural instruments as stone and wooden sticks? The atmospheric black metal subgenre has been contaminated by pop and folksy metal so that it’s hard to maintain a truly evil sound, while still bringing the atmospheric elements into it. Raven Throne pull it off. This is how darkness should sound.

Ray Garraty  

 The Slugs — Don’t Touch Me I’m Too Slimy (2214099 Records DK)

Don't Touch Me, I'm Too Slimy by The Slugs

The Slugs are an exuberantly lo-fi punk pop duo out of London who bash and thump and shout short, acidic ditties about being female, in a band, under assault and under the weather. Liberty Hodes, who is also one half of the comedy duo A Comedy Night that Passes the Bechdel Test, plays a jangling, forceful electric guitar, while her Phoebe Dighton-Brown bangs away in brutal simplicity on the drums. Both sing, sometimes in unison, sometimes in rough harmonies, occasionally in slashing counterparts. (One chants “Feel sick/can’t be sick” while the other rolls out mellifluous “ah-ah-ah-ahs” in “Feel Sick.”) There is a charming, unstudied quality to their music, which is a bit too smart and biting to be primitive, but nonetheless eschews frills. It’s hard to pick favorites—the whole EP is over in five tracks and 11 minutes—but “Pest” is giddy fun, with its slouching, battering guitar-drum motif and slacker choruses. The shout along chorus of “Don’t touch me! I’m too slimy!” is the best thing on the record, hitting a rebellious, unwashed spot of resonance in the work-from-home era. Second best, the gleeful tirade about sleazy male promoters in “Girly Gang” (“Give you all the gigs if you touch my wang”), which builds in round-singing euphorias until it ends suddenly and a la Jane Austen in matrimony (“Married in a dress by Vera Wang”). People are comparing the Slugs to the Shaggs, but that’s just short-hand for banging away anyway without all the training. The Slugs are smarter, slyer and more autonomous, and if they sound a little rough, that’s exactly how they meant to sound.

Jennifer Kelly

Tobin Sprout — Empty Horses (Fire)

Empty Horses by Tobin Sprout

Blessed with one of the finest names in music (alongside dEUS’s Klaas Janzoons), Tobin Sprout is best known for being part of the Guided by Voices line-up that created classic albums such as Bee Thousand and Alien Lanes in the 1990s. Though Sprout’s subsequent solo output has been a steady stream compared to Robert Pollard’s deluge, Empty Horses is his eighth solo album. In it, the now-65-year-old ruminates faith, mortality and American history atop a spare, country-tinged backing. There’s a deep ache to many of these songs, the kind of emotional weight that manifests in pointedly low tempos, sparse drum parts that hang behind the beat and vocal performances that are almost uncomfortably intimate. Running to a succinct half-hour, with many of the songs clocking in at just a couple of minutes each, Empty Horses confronts demons seemingly too pernicious to overcome. Yet, when the music becomes more expansive — such as the graceful pedal steel of “Breaking Down,” the woozy modulation of “Antietam,” or the biting fuzztone of “All In My Sleep” — Sprout sounds like he may be on the verge of making a much-needed breakthrough.

Tim Clarke  

 Son Lux — Tomorrows I (City Slang)

Tomorrows I by Son Lux

Son Lux’s songs embed unsettling sounds in deep wells of silence, finding disturbing textures in string sounds, electronics, percussion and the fluttering soul falsetto of founder Ryan Lott. Tomorrows I, reportedly the first of three related albums, has a quietly dystopian vibe and a moist, echoing unease that might remind of you Burial’s classic Untrue. A brief, looped, keening violin motif punctures the opening cut, “Plans We Made” with all the threat of Bernhard Hermann’s shower music for the film Psycho, while Lott trills haunted phrases about being afraid to let go. “Undertow,” near the end, brings in a whole string quartet to swoon dissonantly, as a knocking beat (drummer Ian Chang) sounds like a body being dragged across the floor. “Just waiting for the undertow,” sings Lott in the dread empty spaces between, in arias of muted desolation. Minimalist and menacing and mesmerizing.

Jennifer Kelly

 Ulaan Janthina — Ulaan Janthina (Part 1) (Worstward)

Ulaan Janthina (Part I) by Ulaan Janthina

Steven R. Smith contains multitudes, and Ulaan Janthina is the latest manifestation of his mutating musical self. This release exemplifies three aspects of Smith’s practice. First, he likes to make beautiful things. Hard copies of this tape come in a custom-oriented box that contains tinted photos, shells and printed communications as well as the cassette. And he’s project-oriented. While other iterations have been devoted to an Eastern European vibe, or guitar noise or a virtual ensemble sound, Ulaan Janthina results from a decision to work primarily with the keyboards in his house. It’s a winning strategy, since his synthesizers, organ and harmonium all benefit from the grittiness of Smith’s recording methodology, and his spare playing style makes his melodies stand out quite starkly from the background atmosphere. Like the name says, this is part one of the Janthina (named for a genus of sea snail that makes its own floating platform — not a bad metaphor for the survival-oriented independent musician) venture; a second, similarly packaged cassette is pending from Smith’s Worstward imprint soon, and a future release is already planned by Soft Abuse records.

Bill Meyer

 Various Artists — Spr Blk: Liberation Jazz and Soul From the '70s and Beyond (Paxico)

Liberation Jazz and Soul by Marcus J. Moore

Author Marcus J. Moore (late of The Nation but also found everywhere from Pitchfork to WaPo) has a book on the way in October, The Butterfly Effect: How Kendrick Lamar Ignited the Soul of Black America. In advance of its release via cassette devotees Paxico, Moore cobbled together “rare and somewhat familiar” Black music from his own crates. “These are the kinds of songs I play when walking through New York City or driving through Maryland,” he says in the release. What that means for you is a two-sided mix that burns slower on the A and gets more percussion-heavy on the B. Leading off with Doug Carn’s fittingly titled “Swell Like a Ghost” and featuring jams from Willie Dale, Milton Wright, Ronald Snijders and other lesser jazz, soul and funk lights, it’s a revealing mix that will no doubt pair well with that fall reading you’re about to get going on.

Patrick Masterson 

 Vatican Shadow — Persian Pillars of the Gasoline Era (20 Buck Spin)

Persian Pillars Of The Gasoline Era by Vatican Shadow

Dominick Fernow is hugely prolific, and most folks with ears tuned to the densely churning worlds of noise and industrial music will be familiar with his abrasive, unsettling output under the Prurient moniker. Fernow’s releases as Vatican Shadow are fewer in number, and more attuned to ambient, even melodic movements and textures. That’s sort of odd, given that the Vatican Shadow records thematize and explore Fernow’s obsession with the history of the Middle East, especially post-9/11 collisions of Western military force, Islamic traditions of resistance and the tactics of terror used by both sides. Relaxing stuff, that ain’t. Consistent with the larger project’s tendencies, Persian Pillars of the Gasoline Era claims an interest in the CIA-coordinated Iranian coup (MI6 helped out, too, those imperial scamps) that deposed Mohammed Mossadeq, installed the Shah Reza Pahlavi and inaugurated some of the principal tensions that have shaped the last half-century of world history. It’s unclear how Fernow’s pulsing, shimmering, sometimes juddering synth sounds are meant to represent or otherwise engage that history. For sure, record art and song titles summon all the right semiotics, sometimes with an interesting edge. But “Taxi Journey through the Teeming Slums of Tehran” sounds more like a malfunctioning MP3 player than a taxi or a “teeming slum” (can we all be done with that phrase now?), and “Moving Secret Money” is pleasantly trance-inducing, rather than insidiously evil. Musically, it’s quite good. The packaging seems to want strike other notes. Maybe that’s the point — too many folks are too busy consuming quietist pop to bother with the grind of the political. But is this the intervention we need?  

Jonathan Shaw

[timeaftertime-chriscornellfanfic]

Chapter 18 - Into The Flood Again

Seattle Washington, March 2 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: It was a grey Pacific North West afternoon, typical weather for Seattle and I had just finished my short little 4 hour shift at the local used record shop - Bluestreak Records - downtown. Instead of taking the bus back home, I decide to walk. Normally Chris will come and pick me up but he said he would be at Kim's rehearsing this afternoon so I just said that I would meet him there once I stop at home first to clean up a little. 

I wish I could just drive instead of having to catch a bus or a cab or have Chris drive me everywhere. Given my condition, it's definitely recommended that I don't. I wouldn't want to be behind the wheel and suddenly have an episode and end up causing an accident or killing someone.

As I walk out on to the sidewalk, slinging my bag over my shoulder, I take out my Walkman with my headphones and blast Metallica's Master Of Puppets album in my ears. Eventually I make it back home and climb the steps to the front door. Once I open the door, I step inside and take off my bag and my head phones, setting them down beside the door, then slip off my leather jacket and hang it up. The living room was dark as no one seemed to have opened the curtains at all since I left earlier this morning and I could hear the faint sound of Van Halen's first record playing from Andy and Xana's room. I walk over to the far window and open up the curtains to let some light in, though the gloominess of the day doesn't really help much. Then as I make my way down the hallway to get myself ready to take a shower, I see the bathroom door slightly open and a bare foot peaking out from the corner of the door.

"Xana?" I call out slightly panicked but trying to keep my cool. 

Nothing.

"Andy? Is that you in there?"

Still no answer.

I quickly move to the door and attempt to care fully open it but I couldn't as they were laying in front of the door.

"Andy!? Andy!!" I shout but no answer. After a few moments of me pushing on the door, I was able to slide myself through the crack and see that in fact it was Andy laying on the floor on his back, his blonde locks matted to his forehead, only in his blue plaid pajama pants and a syringe hanging out of his left forearm right in the crook of where his elbow bends.

"Holy shit, no... no, no, no, no," I keep repeating frantically as I maneuver myself in between him and the bathroom counter, and try my best to lift up his head, tapping his cheeks to get him to wake up. I lean over him and listen to see if I could hear him breathing and I could, but just barely. I take his right wrist and feel around for a pulse and then move my fingers up to his neck since I couldn't feel anything with his wrist. Eventually I do feel a pulse but it's so incredibly faint, it's almost hard to tell.

"Andy... can you hear me? Please, can you hear me?" I start to cry as I tap his cheek again. He still doesn't move but I hear a little groan emerge from his throat. I then carefully pull out the syringe from his arm and maneuver him into my lap, cradling his head as I attempt to get him to come back to me.

"g-g-g-gone" He groans out, barely able to form words as I hold him in my lap.

"What? Andy... no, no, no... stay with me," I cry and he tries to make out a few more words.

"l-l-l-love y-y-y-you," He mumbles as he tries to open his eyes.

"I'm gonna call an ambulance ok?" I say wiping away my tears.

"N-n-n-no," He mumbles again, and slowly starts to come around. He groans a few more times and begins to try to move. He throws his one arm around me and slowly begins to open his eyes to focus on me.

"I-I'm good... s'ok... I'm... ok," He slurs, still sounding so sleepy.

"I'm gonna call Chris and see if he can find Xana ok?" I say with tears still streaming down my cheeks.

"N-n-no... don't do that, j-just stay... stay here with me," He says closing his eyes again. I move my hand to his neck to check his pulse just to make sure and it's stronger than it was before but still slow.

"j-just stay here... with me... stay w-w-with me baby," He slurs and tries to laugh a little, though I definitely do not feel like laughing.

*****

A couple of hours later, I was sitting in the living room sipping some tea, trying to distract myself by reading an article in a magazine about how the music scene in Seattle was starting a revolution. It mentioned Mudhoney, The Melvins  and Green River as pioneers of the whole Seattle sound and with a strong focus on Soundgarden leading the way for major record labels to want to pick up on the scene emerging. It also mentioned Mother Love Bone as the next big thing with the anticipation of the release of their debut album 'Apple' on Mercury/Stardog records.

Andy was eventually able to somewhat re-gain his composure and I helped him into his room for him to sleep of the remaining high he was still enduring. I was still supposed to go and meet Chris but I was afraid to leave Andy here alone in case something happened. Just as I was reading the last sentence of the article, the door opens and I see Chris coming through with his guitar case.

"Hey baby," I say sweetly, setting my cup down on the table in front of me.

"Hi... I uh... I thought you were going to meet me at Kim's?" He says as he sets his guitar case down and slips off his leather jacket.

"I know, I'm sorry... I uh should've called," I say as I flip closed the magazine, setting it beside me and rise from the couch. He hangs up his jacket, flipping those gorgeous dark curls out of his face and turns to see me. He takes me in his arms and places his lips on mine, in a long soulful kiss. He then breaks away from me and touches his forehead to mine.

"Everything alright?" He asks and I could feel my cheeks flush. I knew I had to tell him what happened, I just have to keep myself calm. But as soon as he asked that question, my brow began to furrow and my bottom lip began to quiver.

"Baby, what's wrong? Talk to me," He says attentively. I shake my head a little trying to rid the feeling but it was hard.

"Chris -I... I don't..." I start but I couldn't get the words out.

"Andi no baby, don't slip if you can help it... tell me, tell me what's wrong," He says sternly but not angry, more like frustrated at the fact that I might disappear before him.

"It's... it's Andy, I came home and I found him on the floor in the bathroom -"

"Was he using again?" He asks quickly and I nod.

"Where is he?"

"He's in his room..." I start to feel faint.

"No baby... stay with me... Andi! " He says and that's the last thing I hear before I find myself in the dark bathroom of Chris's basement.

****

CHRIS: "God damn It!"

I didn't mean to yell but fuck. Why did she have to slip right now? Of all fucking times, why right now? I'm not mad at her I'm just so... it's just frustrating.

I pick up her clothes from the floor and set them on the couch, then make my way down the hall to see exactly what was going on. As I walk into the bathroom, I don't see any sort of evidence that anything had taken place until I see the syringe with a few dirty cotton balls in the trash.

A wave of sadness and hurt washed over my entire body at the fact that she was the one to find him in the bathroom. I immediately make my way out of the bathroom and back down the hall to Andy and Xana's room knocking loudly on the door.

"Hey man, you in there?" I call but no answer. After a few minutes I just decide to head in myself. Normally I wouldn't be so determined but when it comes down to the fucking love of my life, the reason I breathe, finding him on the floor fucked up like that, it's a whole other ball game.

"Dude, you awake...? Andy...?" I ask my voice deep with assertiveness as I grab his ankle at the end of the bed and gently try to shake him awake. He lets out a grumble from the pillow but I couldn't make out just what he was saying.

"Andy wake up," I repeat.

"Whhaaa?" He groans as he rolls over and sees me standing beside his bed. He blinks his eyes a few times and sits up slowly, running his fingers through his hair, leaning his elbows on his knees.

"You alright man?" I ask. I figure I should start with that at least.

"Uh... yea, I think so," He says groggily with his eyes closed.

"What the fuck man? What the fuck are you doing?" I ask trying to not be angry because I know as well as anyone that never works.

"I don't know man," He says.

"Andrea found you, you know that? Just what the hell man?" I say as my anger recedes and I feel worry and hurt bubbling to the surface.

"I never meant for her to find me," He says quietly, his eyes still closed.

"Fuck, you're lucky she did. I mean... what if she never came home from work?  What if she just decided to head to Kim's to meet me without coming home first? What then?"

"Chris man, I'm sorry,"

I let out a sigh and flip my curls out of my eyes looking away for a moment while Andy looks up at me, looking like hell.

"I don't want you to be sorry... I just... I'm worried. We're all worried. We just want you to stop. You quit once before remember?"

"Yea," He says quietly.

"If you need help dude, I'm here. I'll always have your back man," I say and he gives me small smile and holds out his hand. I take it and give him a brotherly handshake patting him on his shoulder.

"Thanks," He says quietly and suddenly I hear a cry from the living room. We look at each other for a moment, then I quickly run out of his room and down the hall to the living room to see Andi sitting up on the couch, pulling down her Aerosmith T shirt and flipping her curls out from underneath.

"Babe?" I ask.

"Uh huh," She says calmly smirking as she reaches for jeans.

"What happened? When did you slip to?" I ask, a little concerned as to why she's so incredibly calm and seemingly much happier than before.

"Um, July '84," She says and pulls up her jeans, hopping into them as her curls bounce around her.

"July '84... oh... oohhhh," I say realizing with sudden lustfulness that seemed to come out of nowhere. She glances at me, sauntering over, biting her bottom lip as my memory of that night comes back to me. She lifts herself up and presses those soft plush lips to mine, lacing her fingers through my hair like she always does, which sends chills all over my entire body.

"You were amazing then, but you are incredible now," She whispers in my ear. She slowly pulls away from me and passes me to walk down the hall and as my eyes follow her, she looks back at me biting that bottom lip again and I couldn't help but practically chase her into the bedroom to relive that night over again.

*****************************************************************************************************

[cruecifymesixx]

Love and Leather /part fifty one/

Word Count: 9.9k

A/N: This is kinda a filler, but also not really at the same time. Wasn’t planning for this chapter be to this damn long. Anyways, enjoy! 

Warnings: language, half assed smut, so sweet it rots your teeth fluff

Taglist: @brideofdraculana , @xstarryeyes , @aryssav , @miserablecunt  @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol , @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies, @fandomshit6000, @anntheboneless, @venus-calum, @justjodeye, @supernaturalvikingwhore, @are-we-real, @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland, @awesomealmostdopestudent,  @romanticvengeance , @tashy-bear, @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls, @rockersbox, @brooklyn-antiques, @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, @lilytalebi, @criminalyetminimal, @motley-queen, @trapt-in-a-dream, @lunamadhatter99, @broke-n-bitchy, @thanks2pete, @slowandangry, @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1, @swoopygorl, @motherloovebone, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001, @wheresmyvodkabitch, @waywardprincess666, @malibubarbievince, @iluvmesomemarvelndc, @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina, @primal-screamer @electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults, @cruebaby, @ggorehorror, @valentines-in-london, @miss2001babe, @nassauartist @emmaelizabeth2014, @cmft-jr-winchester, @bokkie92, @notworthyofyou1120 @xrosegoldwolfx, @cranberribread, @lauravic, @mgkobsessed, @chaoticvybe, @kellysimagines @thoughtsoftheantagonist @marvelismylifffe, @missysixxter, @love-struck-aries, @lavendersoundbarrier, @i-want-to-shoot-myself, @unknownoblivion, @minxtruck, @idumpyourgrass, @oskea93, @xsixxx@zoenicoles, @baiabouk, @fentitrbl

*January 1990*

Vanity and Nikki found themselves lounging around the pool of a very nice resort. They had finally gone on the vacation to the Bahamas her grandparents had gifted a few months back. They decided to skip Christmas and just spend a week here. So far the couple had adventured all over the island, taking part in scuba diving, zip lining and jet skiing. Nikki was also adamant about getting Vanity in the shark cage with him, but that was a hard no from her. Now, after a day of exploring the island town, Vanity laid in one chair, wearing a dark blue bikini with black shades covering her eyes as she basked in the sun. Nikki sat besides her, softly strumming the strings of his bass.

“Ya know, Sixx. I was thinking...” Vanity perked up, taking a sip of her pina colada.

“Don’t hurt yourself angel.” Nikki teased, causing Vanity to gently slap his knee.

“Asshole-“ They both laughed together, “We should take more vacations together, this has been fun. Can we stay a little bit longer? Please?” Vanity begged, looking over at him and giving Nikki her best smile.

“Doll, I wish we could. But we have to get back by Saturday. We leave for tour in a week and i still need to get some stuff squared away before I leave.” Nikki expressed, groaning at the pouty lip she was giving him.

“I promise, when the tour is over we will go on vacation again, wherever you want too. You can pick.” He assured her, watching Vanity lay back down on the chair.

“Okay fine, but I want to go to Paris with you.” She smiled widely, reaching for his hand as he brought her hand up to his lips.

“Anything for you, Princess.” Nikki responded making Vanity grin cheekily as she took her hand back, placing it under her head as she continued to sun bathe.

Nikki chewed on his bottom lip, plucking at the strings as he eyed the cowboy hat he had been wearing on the today. His eyes were mainly fixated on the little black box that was hidden underneath it. He stared at Vanity getting comfortable in the chair, his eyes gazing down the contours of her body. He took in every detail of her. How her hair was pulled back in a messy bun that still made her look sexy as hell. Her skin was sun kissed and she was wearing tanning oil that made every inch of her glisten. He saw bruises from his fingers on her hips, as he saw marks from his lips on her thighs. He saw the scar on the side of her knee that was in the shape of a crescent moon. His eyes wandered down farther to the golden anklet that had little tiny roses on it.

“I can feel you looking at me.” Vanity says with a smirk and closed eyes under her sunglasses.

Nikki snapped out of his thoughts, “I don’t ever wanna stop looking at you...”

Vanity turned her head to the side, tilting her glasses down to look at him, “Well, I am pretty nice on the eyes.” Nikki rolled his eyes at her arrogance.

She took a sip of her cocktail and glanced over at him again, “You’re pretty easy on the eyes too, Nikki.”

Nikki bit his lip, smiling at her. He grabbed the little black box, dropping to one knee in front of her as Vanity’s eyes widened, “Nikki? What are you doing?” She asked pushing her sunglasses up and putting her cocktail down.

Nikki stared at her, clearing his throat before he decided on talking, “Vanity, I love you so god damn much. I know I’ve put you through hell and back and honestly, I don’t deserve you at all. I think...I think you and I are meant to be, we always find our way back to one another. I think in every universe as you like to put it, we would always find each other.”

Nikki pauses, opening up the tiny little box, “I won’t promise to be the best husband in the world, but I think I can promise you I’ll be an okay one. I want you, and I want this forever. What do you say doll? Will you marry me?”

Vanity teared up, placing her hands on the side of his cheeks as they both smiled at one another, “Yes Nikki! A thousand times over!” She exclaimed, quickly pulling him into a deep and loving kiss. Nikki smiles against her lips before he broke the kiss, gently taking her hand in his as he slipped the ring on her finger. He pulled her up to her feet, bringing Vanity into a strong embrace as he picked her up off the concrete. She laughed in his ear, wrapping her arms around his shoulder as she kissed his lips again.

“I love you.” Vanity says between pecks on the lips. She pulls away from him, leaning into his chest as she admires the ring. Her eyes widened at the sight of the diamonds that rested against the silver band.

“Does it live up to the princesses taste?” Nikki chuckled, but deep down he hopped she said yes.

Vanity admires the shimmering of the stones in the sunlight, “It’s absolutely perfect, Nikki. Thank you.” She smiled, giving him soft eyes as he nodded.

“You deserve nothing but the best. I wanted big, but not crazy big.” Nikki retorted

“Sixx, I would have been fine with one of the rings you always wear. Yours are cool.” She said sitting back down on her chair as Nikki sat across from her on his.

“Well, if I would have known...” He says, taking off a platinum ring, that had ‘Mötley’ engraved into it. It was one of his most prized possessions. The record label had gotten all four of them those rings right after ‘Shout at the Devil’ was released.

He put the ring in the palm of her hand. She held it tight before putting it on the thumb opposite of the hand that had the engagement ring on. Was still too loose, but not loose enough for her to lose it.

“We’re getting married!” Vanity squealed, as she broke out in a huge smile, causing Nikki to smile with her. She grabbed her half drunken cocktail, “Cheers, Sixx!” Nikki laughed, grabbing his water bottle.

“To us babe.”

*a few days later, Vanity’s POV*

I sat criss cross on the bed as I watched Nikki go back and forth between the closet and his suitcases. He was packing last minute for the tour, I told him to start even before we left for a mini vacation. But of course, he didn’t listen.

I frowned when he zipped up the last suitcase, “Do you really have to go?” I asked as he put on his jacket.

“Yes Van, you know I have to go. I’ll only be gone for six months. Then I’ll be back here for a month and then leave again.” He explained as I still pouted.

“That’s such a long time Nikki. We haven’t been apart before.” I explained as he chuckled.

“Princess, I’ve gone on countless tours and you were fine with it, what’s the issue now?” He asked as he grabbed his wallet and sunglasses from the nightstand.

“We weren’t together before.” I mumbled as he sighed and sat down on the bed next to me.

“It’s gonna be fine. We’ll be fine. Stop all that worrying in that pretty little head of yours. You’ll be fine and I’ll be fine.” Nikki tried reassuring me, but it wasn’t working.

“You trust me, right?” He asked, guiding me by my chin to look at him.

I nodded, “Yes, of course I trust you...”

“That doesn’t sound convincing babe.” He chuckled, pressing his lips to mine briefly.

I shook my head, taking his hand away from my face and holding it, “No! I do trust you. I just don’t trust the groupies and the people who may or may not offer you booze or drugs.”

He sighed, “The girls are always gonna be apart of it, that’s just how it is. But baby I love you and only you, you know that. Those chicks could never compare to you and they could never suck my cock as well as you can.” He said with a laugh as I lightly hit his chest.

“And the drugs or the booze, no one is gonna be around us that will jeopardize all of our sobriety. There’s gonna be rules.” Nikki explained as I nodded.

I pressed my hand against his cheek as he kissed the palm of my hand, “You’ll call me if it becomes too much? I don’t care what time it’s at, if you need me, call me.”

He put his hand on top of mine, “Yes, especially after I kick the groupies out of my hotel room after a long night of orgies.” He joked as I slapped his chest harder this time.

He wrapped his arm around me and brought us down to the bed, “I’m only joking.” He laughed as he kissed the front of my neck and down my chest a bit, “I’m going to miss you so god damn much.” He mumbled, laying his head on my shoulder.

I nodded, “I’m gonna miss you too. I don’t know what I’ll do with myself, we haven’t been apart since rehab.” I felt him sigh on top of me as he kissed my shoulder.

Our time was cut short as we both heard honking from outside, signaling the limo was here to pick him up. He got off of me and grabbed his suitcases. I helped him by grabbing his backpack as I followed him down the stairs.

“Just think, by the time the tour finishes we’ll be getting married.” Nikki spoke softly as I handed him the backpack.

“...And then a whole life of rockstar touring.” I said as he sighed, “...and you leaving all the time and-“ He cut me off by putting his hand over my mouth.

“You can always back out now if you want.” He suggested, eyebrow raised as he stared at me.

I scoffed, shoving his hand away, “Please, I am not a pussy.”

He smiled as he bent down to pet Anarchy, “You be good, pretty girl.” Anna wagged her tail and gave Nikki a sloppy, wet kiss.

Nikki handed his bags to the driver as he put them away. Nikki grabbed my hand and pulled me too him, arms quickly wrapping around my waist, “I love you, and I’ll be back. I’ll probably end up flying you out in a few months.” He mumbled as he kissed the top of my head.

I sniffled, feeling his light laughter as he held me tighter, “Van, Babe. Don’t cry, please don’t cry.” His voice was smooth as he pulled away from me, wiping my tears away with his thumb.

“We’re gonna be fine.” I told him as he nodded.

“Yes baby girl, cause we’re Nikki and Vanity and we get through everything.” He whispered before softly pressing his lips against mine. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer to me.

“Tell me I’m the best.” He muttered against my lips as I smiled into it.

“Nikki Sixx, you’re the best and you’re gonna fucking kick ass on this tour.”

Nikki smiled widely, stepping away from me as he still held my hand, “I love you and I can’t wait to marry you.” He said, kissing my ring before placing my hand on his chest.

“Sir, we have to get to the airport. The others are waiting.”

“I love you Sixx, go do what you do best.” I said as he smirked.

“Well, that requires me to take you back upstairs then.” He quickly replied, causing my face to heat up as I shook my head.

“Go away.” I told him as he laughed. Nikki stole one last kiss from me before getting into the limo.

“I’ll call you, doll.” Nikki said, rolling down the window as he put up the devil horns. I returned them right back as I watched the limo take him away.

I exhaled deeply, sitting down on our front steps as I played with the engagement ring. Anarchy laid down by my feet as I rubbed her back.

“Just a few months without him. We’ll be fine.”

*five months later, June 1990*

“Nikki! You got a call!” A roadie yelled for me as I stepped away from some girls after they asked me to sign their tits. I grabbed the phone and brought it up to my ear.

“Kept me waiting long enough, Sixx.” I smiled hearing Vans voice.

“Well baby, you caught me in the middle of something.” I chuckled as she groaned.

“Let me guess, another orgy?” She joked as I heard the wind in the background.

“You driving somewhere?” I asked as she stayed quiet.

“Yeah uh...just doing a few things. When does the show start?” She questioned as I looked down at my watch.

“Mmmm, in about forty minutes. Skid Row is on right now..” I explained as I heard her let out an audible gasp.

“Can...can you get me an autograph? I love them.” I rolled my eyes, “Is this gonna be another Guns and Roses thing?” I asked as she let out a laugh.

“No, but Sebastian Bach has really pretty hair and a nice voice, but I prefer my bassist.”

“Good answer, doll. I miss you. Did you get the invoice for the plane ticket next month?” I asked as I hopped up on a metal crate.

“Yeah I did, the lay over is really long but it’s fine I’ll deal with it...I miss you too Nik, I’m so bored without you. I taught Anarchy how to roll over.” Vanity explained as I smiled to myself.

“That’s good princess. And i know it’s been hard but we’re almost half way through it.”

“Nikki! We gotta go!” T-bone said, banging his drumsticks against the wall.

“Show time?” Vanity asked, I could hear the pout in her voice, “Yes Princess, ill call you when the shows over and I’m back at the hotel...and I’ll get you an autograph from the band too.”

I heard her giggle followed by loud yelling, “I thought you were driving?” I questioned as she again went quiet, “Vanity?”

“I was driving, but I got to where I needed to be it’s uh...just some guys doing stuff-“ I then heard some guy yelling for her over the phone.

“Nik, I gotta go! Good luck tonight! I love you!”

“I lo-“ I stopped talking when I heard the phone call disconnect. I handed the phone back to the roadie.

“Everything good back at home?” Tommy asked as I looked at him. I shook off my thoughts and put on a smile.

“Yeah man, lets go play.”

*Vanity’s POV*

“You’re late.” Doc said to me as I smiled, handing him over my luggage.

“You’re fault for getting me a late flight, and I was hungry.” I explained as he huffed. He handed me a lanyard that had a badge with Nikki’s face on it. I glanced at it, seeing him iconically sticking his finger up his nose. What a gentleman.

“He still doesn’t know you’re here?” Doc questioned as he led me to Nikki’s dressing room. No loose panties and no bottles of jack. It was completely different. The only thing that was left was cigarette smoke in the air.

“No, not a clue.” I smiled widely at him, “I gotta get dressed and then I’ll be ready to go out there.” I explained as he nodded and left me alone.

About thirty minutes later, I had finished getting dressed. I picked out a pair of ripped up tight blue jeans and a torn up Dr. Feelgood T-shirt. I left my hair down and touched up my make up before putting the backstage pass back on and walking out the door.

The closer I got to the stage, the louder the fans got and I could hear that the guys were playing ‘Girls, Girls, Girls.’

Doc motioned for me and led me to the curtain as Security escorted me down by the stage right in front of Nikki. I was trying to avoid being shoved by their unruly fans as I saw Nikki rolling around on the stage. My heart felt like it was about to jump right out of my chest seeing him again.

Also, if I was wearing panties they would have dropped to the floor. He was sweaty as hell, wearing tight leather pants and no shirt as his bass hanged loosely from around his neck. His face was covered by his hair before he flipped it back and out of his face as he continued strumming his bass. I sighed, perching my elbows up on the security barrier as I watched the guys play.

I’ve never heard them sound so well. Before, the sound was tolerable but it was always off due to one of them, usually Nikki being fucked up. It was refreshing, they all looked so healthy and happy. Even Mick had a little smile on his face.

A few girls to the side of me were screaming for him to pay even the tiniest amount of attention to them. One even went out of her way to remove her black and red bra from under her shirt and threw it at his boots. I chuckled when Nikki broke out into a smirk and hung the bra over his mic stand, then watched the three girls fight over the guitar pick he threw at them.

I decided I would rather surprise him backstage, so I walked through the crowd before heading through the security wall. I jumped up on a metal crate, sitting Indian style as I watched the roadies start packing things away, mainly Skid Row’s items as their name was spray painted on the side.

I hope Nikki is happy to see me. I mean, I know he obviously would be, but I was suppose to come next month and not this month. I just thought maybe the surprise would be nice for the both of-

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” My thoughts were interrupted when a man with long dark brown hair and a nose piercing connecting to his ear with a chain approached me. I sat up straight, realizing he was Rachel Bolan.

I shrugged, “Yeah, I guess?” I glanced over him, seeing the black muscle tank top he was wearing plus extremely ripped up blue jeans.

“Do your lips taste as good as they look?” He asked, a proud smirk plastered across his face as I let out a chuckle.

“Uh....how about you go ask Nikki Sixx when he gets off stage and let me know how it goes.” I suggested, eyebrow raised as the smirk left his face in an instant.

He stumbled over his next sentence, “oh, fuck. I-I didn’t realize...you’re the girlfriend. I-I uh mean the fiancé. I am so sorry.”

I was amused watching him, “I am. I’m Vanity. Nice to meet you.” I said sticking out my hand as he gently shook it, “I’m a fan of your band.”

He smiled, “Thank you, it’s nice to meet you too. Sixx and Tommy are always talking about you.”

He quickly continued, scratching the top of his head, “Look, I really am sorry. The lighting is bad back here...”

“And you thought I was a random chick you thought you’d get lucky with?” I asked, licking my lips as I watched him squirm.

“I...I mean...yeah...I saw a super hot chick just sitting here by herself looking lonely and might wanted some company.” He defended himself as he stared at me, well at my tits.

“Oh, Nikki’s gonna love this.” I giggled as I smiled widely at him.

“No! No! Please don’t tell him! I’m already on his shit list!” He expressed frantically, as I laughed some more.

“Oh, I’m sure you aren’t on his shit list. Nikki’s a nice guy...well when he wants to be.” I pondered over the idea, “What did you do?”

He sighed dramatically and hopped up on the crate next to me, his leg resting against mine, “okay, so everything was going fine and then one night I told him that the Ramones are way better than T.rex ever would be. And then he just started being a dick, he had my bass ‘stolen’”- he used air quotes as I tried following along, “by having Tommy hide it the whole night, it’s my favorite bass. Then, he totally told this chick I was trying to bang that I had crabs! And I don’t! So he told the chick to go be with Tommy! And she was smokin hot too! He then made me get a lap dance from a really ugly stripper, did you know there was ugly strippers? Because I sure as hell didn’t.”

I stared at him, “Well...you went wrong by saying the Ramones are way better than T.rex. That’s like one of his favorite bands ever. Plus, he’s probably been bored and just having fun at your expense.” I shrugged, listening to Tommy’s drum solo.

“Well he’s an asshole.” I scoffed at his statement.

“And he’s allowing your band to open up for him, so I’d watch it if I were you.” I replied hastily as he put his hands up in defeat.

“Look babe, I’m just venting. You wanted to know.” Rachel said, causing me to roll my eyes at the pet name he assumed was okay to call me.

“You sure know how to make an impression.” I mumbled, running my hand through my hair as I looked away from him.

“I think we’re getting off on the wrong foot, can I get you a drink? We have beer in our dressing room.” Rachel suggested, smiling widely at me.

“Thought no booze was allowed on the tour?” I asked him as he shrugged.

“Within the confines of our dressing room it is. So, what do you say? Want to come meet the rest of the band?”

I stared at him for a moment, “Come on! Motley isn’t going to be done for at least another thirty minutes. I’ll get you back to Nikki before he’s off the stage.” As he continued to persuade me I hopped off the crate and stood in front of him, backing up a bit as he towered over me.

We started walking to their dressing room as he slyly slung his arm over my shoulders. I tensed up, crossing my arms over my chest as I gave myself a hug, “We have beer, whiskey and some weed if you want some.”

“No blow?” I asked sweetly as he chuckled lightly.

“Only in my hotel room sweet face.” He said with a wink as I smirked back at him. We approached a door and I could hear yelling from the other side. Rachel held the door open for me as I followed in after him.

“What did you bring to the party this time, Rachy?” I cringed at the nickname.

“I found Nikki’s girl just hanging around backstage and she wanted to have a little fun. Vanity, this is Dave Sabo our guitarist, but we call him Snake.” Rachel explained as I smiled with tight knit lips as I watched his eyes travel down my body.

I could tell why they call him snake.

His lips formed into a smirk as he grabbed my hand and brought it up to his lips. Yuck. Only Nikki gets away with that, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, doll.”

I grimaced, “Don’t call me that. I’m Vanity or Van.” I expressed, seeing the groupies hang around their singer, glaring at me. What is it with chicks and blonde singers of rock bands?

“So Nikki’s girl, huh? I met that cat three years ago and I swear he would’ve never let pussy tie him down.” Dave, well Snake snickered as I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, well things change.” I shrugged, glancing over at the table filled with booze and drugs.

“Dropped the needle and got himself a bitch.” Dave mumbled to Rachel as they both giggled. They were like the cheap knock off version of Tommy and Nikki.

“Show some damn respect, no wonder why you two can never get laid. Don’t know how to show a little modesty to a damn female.” Sebastian Bach stood in his half naked glory as my eyes wandered down and then back up quickly.

“It’s nice to meet you finally, Vanity.” Sebastian spoke kindly as he pushed his blonde locks out of his face.

“Like wise, big fan actually…can I uh maybe have an autograph?” I asked awkwardly as I laughed a bit.

Sebastian laughed, grabbing a Skid Row shirt and a silver sharpie, signing it before he gave it back to me, “You want a beer? Or are you sober too?”

I smiled a bit, “I’ll have a beer.” I sat down on the couch next to their drummer Rob, he paid no attention to me.

Sebastian handed me a cup of beer, “…you know, the pictures don’t even grasp how beautiful you actually are.”

I tilted my head to the side, “Could say the same thing about you.” I said, bringing the cup up to my lips.

Fuck! What are you doing, Vanity!! This is not another Slash thing!

Sebastian laughed a bit, “Thank you darling. I was told you were coming next month while we were in Miami?”

I shrugged, “Yeah, that was the plan but I miss him and I wanted to surprise him.”

The next thing that came out of his mouth, made me feel like he wasn’t even listening and was just taking me as a fun loving party chick, like the rest of these blonde headed bimbos in here.

“You want some blow?”

My eyes shifted to the plastic baggie of white powder he held between his fingers, “…as long as you don’t tell what we’re doing in here and you keep it between us.” Rachel added this time, taking the baggie from Sebastian and started shaping lines on the table.

These dudes were opening up for Motley Crue every night, more than likely hanging out with them afterwards. I’m sure Nikki and the guys knew they were under the influence, I mean I hope they would know. They knew the signs.

“Do you want some, sweetheart?” Sebastian asked me again, but I quickly stood up.

I cleared my throat, “Thanks for the autograph and the beer but I’m gonna go.”

He chuckled, “What? You have to be sober too?”

I tried smiling, “No, it’s just better if I leave. So I don’t get in trouble or anything, thanks for the offer.” I said reaching for the doorknob but Sebastian still followed me.

“Trouble? You’d get in trouble? From Nikki?” Sebastian laughed a bit as he tried to wrap his head around it.

“Well, when your boyfriend is a recovering addict and you get a little high on dust, a little argument happens and I’m not in the mood to argue with him, usually I am…but not tonight.”

He shakes his head, “I thought you were suppose to be more fun. From what Tommy and Nikki have mentioned and from what Slash has said too, we opened up for them too.”

My eyebrows raised as I glared at him, watching that grin of his slowly fade away, “Get the fuck away from me and take your stupid shirt.” I spat out, throwing the shirt at his torn up pair of converse before slamming their dressing room door shut.

What an asshole. To think I liked their music.

I shook it off, hearing that music was no longer playing throughout the arena and it was just the residual yelling of fans leaving. I walked down the long corridor seeing at the end a whole bunch of fans lined up leading to a room for a meet and greet session.

I sneaked my way into the room with minimal glares from their fans as I saw all four of them sitting at a table signing autographs and taking pictures. I hid behind two fans in front of me and waited until it was my turn.

Tommy saw me first, his smile became bigger as he nudged Vince and pointed at me. I reached across the table and gave them both a hug. Mick eventually saw me and only waved and smiled.

“Hey Nikki, can I have an autograph?” I questioned as he looked up at me. His smile grew wider as I chewed on my bottom lip staring at him.

“For the Princess? She can have anything she wants.” He smiled, singing a poster and sliding it across the table for me.

“No, no, can you sign my ass?” I questioned as his eyes grew wide, before he could even respond I unbuttoned my jeans. I turned around to face him and pulled them down just a little bit, not exposing much but just enough to tease him a bit.

I felt him sign his name beneath the tattoo before pinching it. I buttoned my jeans back up and turned around to face him, seeing his cheeks a crimson shade as he took a sip of his water.

“When will you be done?” I asked him, “Now, I can be done now.” He quickly spat out as he stood up, almost knocking the chair to the floor.

I chuckled a bit, “finish talking to your fans, I’ll be around.” I said, reaching over the table and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“I’ve missed you.” He mumbled softly, putting his hand on the side of my face. In return, I only smiled at him before walking out of the room.

*Nikki’s POV*

I need to get out of these leather pants. Unbuckling them and unlacing the strings did nothing for the hard on I had going on. We breezed through every autograph and picture with our fans and soon enough I was telling the guys I’d catch up with them later.

I pretty much ran to my dressing room, just to see that Van wasn’t in here. I groaned in frustration, knowing that she was playing a game with me. And boy, was she fucking winning.

I left my dressing room to search for her. I searched where the food and beverage area was, she wasn’t there. I went back to my dressing room to see if she came back, she hadn’t. My ears perked up when I heard her laugh in the hallway. I stepped out the door seeing her walking between Vince and Tommy.

“Vanity.”

“Nikki.” Her lips curled into a smirk as she stared at me. I glared at my band mates as they took the hint.

“See you in a little bit Van.” The guys said before leaving, smirking at me and patting my shoulders before leaving us in the hallway together.

“Surprise?” She giggled before closing the distance between us. Her big hazel eyes burrowed holes into mine.

“When did you get here?” I asked, putting my hands on her hips as I pulled her to me, her body being pinned to mine.

She ran her nails through my hair, “Oh, maybe an hour or two ago. I was on the phone with you when I got to the arena.”

She continued, “I was even right in front of you in the crowd, but you were oblivious to me as those girls threw their bra at you.” She laughed, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

“God, I’ve missed you.” I bluntly said, pulling her into a tight hug. I buried my head in the crook of her neck, taking in the smell of her floral perfume.

“I’ve missed you more.” She mumbled, reaching up to kiss my lips. I moaned into her mouth, tasting her vanilla chapstick. I deepened the kiss, pulling her closer to me if that alone was even possible. I put my hand on the side of her face, as she held my hand there. She nipped my bottom lip before I felt her tongue run across it. Her fingers entangled into strands of my hair, a low growl coming from the back of my throat.

She broke the kiss, pecking my lips once more as she held my hand and started tugging me back into my dressing room.

I slammed the door shut, quickly grabbing her and pinning her against the door. She quickly went for her shirt taking it off and throwing it to the floor. I left rough kisses against her lips, then her chin and trailed them down to her chest.

“So there wasn’t any orgies.” She giggled as I glared at her.

“I wish there was, but I’ve been good.” I moaned, unclipping her pink bra and throwing it to the growing pile of clothes on the floor. I engulfed her tits in my hands as I kissed down her chest again, tongue swirling around her hardened nipples.

I came back to her lips for a hungry kiss. God, I’ve just missed the feeling and taste of her. I moved my hands to her ass, grabbing a handful as I pressed her to me before picking her up, her legs wrapping around my waist as I moved us to the couch. She straddled my lap, cupping my jaw as she stared down at me.

“I love you-“ She gave me a soft kiss, “…so very much.” She whispered before getting off my lap and dropping to her knees in front of me. Her hands came up, fingers pulling apart the laces of my leather pants as she tried pulling them down my hips.

“C’mere.” I motioned for her, helping her stand up as I unbuttoned her jeans pulling both the denim and the underwear down her legs.

I wrapped my arms around her waist as I put her back on my lap. I reached between us, shimming down my pants and feeling her soft hand grip my cock as she slowly sunk herself down on me. I closed my eyes, throwing my head back in pleasure as she did so.

“Christ, Nik.” She moaned, her hips grinding into mine when she became situated. I guided her hips into me.

“Ride me nice and slow, doll.” I groaned, sucking in a deep breath of air as I watched my cock glisten with her wetness. She brought her lips down on mine, hands pulling on my hair as I started forcing my hips up to meet hers. I use to hate when chicks would pull my hair during sex, then Vanity did it one time and I was a fucking goner.

I nipped and sucked at the skin of her exposed neck, digging my teeth rather hard into her, only for her to yell my name out. I smacked her ass, only for her to be louder. I missed the sound of her sweet little moans and I needed to have it.

I wrapped my arms around her body, moving us so now she was underneath me on the couch. I gripped her leg and put it around my waist as I fucked her harder. I didn’t give two fucks about making love or whatever the hell you want to call it, and quite frankly I know she didn’t either.

“Nikki! Fuck!” She screamed out, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and digging her nails into my skin. I groaned into her ear, feeling her warm pussy tighten around my cock. And I knew I was a goner. But can you really even blame me? I’ve been away from my girl for months.

“I’m…I’m not gonna last…” I choked out as I softly kissed her lips, only for her to laugh under me.

“That’s okay.” She giggles some more, making me smile as she kissed me, nipping my bottom lip. I brought my hand between our bodies as my fingers danced around her clit, feeling her gasp against my lips.

“Come on princess, let me have it.” I moaned into her ear, gripping her hips as I made her take all of me. Her nails clawed down my chest, already leaving a visible mark as she choked out a broken up moan of my name when I felt her cum around my cock.

I focused on working her through it as her cries and whimpers echoed through my dressing room, feeling on edge myself.

“Yo! Sixx! Van!! They want us out!” Tommy yelled from the other side, banging on my door.

“Jesus Christ.” I mumbled, growing angry, “Fuck off T-bone!!” I growled as I tried putting my focus back on Vanity.

“C’mon Nik, cum for me.” Vanity egged me on, her teeth gently grazing over my ear. I felt my release bubble over as I slowed my thrusts down but still stayed inside of her.

“Mmm, I’ve missed you.” I mumbled, dragging my lips across her shoulder.

“Missed me or just missed fucking me?” She asked, running her nails up and down my back.

I chuckled, “Hm, I think as of right now I missed this sweet little pussy a bit more.” I teased as she rolled her eyes.

“Dudes!! Can we fucking-“ Tommy busted through the door and then smacked his hand over his face, “I am sorry, I didn’t know you two would be fucking already.”

Vanity was beet red as I kissed her cheeks, “T-bone, get out!” She yelled at him, rolling her eyes as she pushed me off her.

“Okay! Okay! I’m going! But get dressed we’re going to the strip club with the guys!” Tommy was ecstatic as I glared at him, he quickly left.

“Fucking Tommy.” I muttered as I pulled my pants back up, situating myself inside them. I handed Van her matching bra and panty set and she got dressed too.

I threw on a shirt and tied my laces as I watched her pull up her jeans and pull out a red laced tube top and put it on, “You ready?” I asked as she glared at me through the mirror.

“Okay, okay put on your make up and fix your hair.” I chuckled as she smiled back at me.

“Fix your hair too, it screams the ‘I just pounded my girl into the couch ten minutes ago’ look.” Vanity teases as I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair.

“Yeah, Yeah. Don’t worry doll, there will be more later too. I’m just getting started.” I smirked at her, eyebrow raised as she stared at me before quickly breaking the gaze and continuing to fix her make up.

*Strip club, Vanity’s POV*

“Lemon drops?” A bartender offered the boys shots, they all glared at her.

“Don’t mind if I do.” I chuckled, reaching for one until I saw Vince’s glare set on me, and it fucking left me burned.

I slowly put the shot down, “Water is fine.” I mumbled as I sipped on my sparkling lemon spritzer.

“You can have a drink, you know that right? You know I don’t care.” Nikki said, wrapping his arm back around my shoulder as I sat there bored.

“No, it’s fine. Water is…fine.” I pouted, “Your bandmates seem to care.” I whispered to him as he rolled his eyes.

“Dude, Vanity can have a drink without you getting all pissy.” Nikki snapped at Vince as I frowned.

“Nik, stop it’s fine.” I demanded but Nikki glared at me in return, “No, you can have a fucking drink without this fuckhead getting his panties twisted in a knot!” Nikki shouted as he continued his hot gaze on Vince.

“This is just fucking great.” Vince cackled, “This isn’t fucking fun anymore and I’m sick and tired of not having any damn fun!” Vince yelled back as he slammed his empty glass of ice on the table.

“Whatever, did you guys see those new days in Canada? Eight more shows and then we can go home.” Nikki stared as Vince rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t see anything about any new dates.” Vince defended himself, “Maybe someone should let the lead fucking singer know what the fuck is going on here.”

Nikki chuckled, “Check your itinerary, man.” He shook his head before kissing the side of mine.

“Y’know what, Nikki? Fuck you and fuck the rest of this tour.” Vince spewed his anger out as we all went quiet and stared at him.

“Fuck me? Fuck you Vince. You’re the only one that’s being bitter and not trying to enjoy it sober-“

Vince quickly cut him off, “I’m gonna have a fucking cocktail, what are you gonna do about it Nikki? Van, let’s go get a drink.” Vince said, standing up as he pushed Tommy’s legs off the table.

I didn’t move, only looking up at him, “Fine, I’ll bring you one back.” He quickly walked to the bar, grumbling Nikki’s name and curse words as he left, only for Nikki to follow after him.

“Sixx, stop.” I said grabbing onto his hand but he brushed me off.

“Vince, c’mon man-“ Nikki said, grabbing his shoulder but Vince quickly turned around and shoved him away.

“Guys, just relax okay?” I said getting between them before Nikki had a chance to react, “Everyone’s tired and wants to go home, but this is not what you guys do. Both of you need to calm down.” I ordered the both of them as they kept glaring at one another

A bartender came up with another tray of shots as Vince took one, throwing it back as he dropped the glass to the floor, causing it too shatter as Nikki had a deadly smirk plastered across his lips.

“How about you get me that fucking itinerary, bass player.” Vince rolled his eyes before heading to the bar, where the rest of Skid Row was hanging out.

Nikki left me at the bar, ordering me a jack and coke before he left to go sit with the guys. I sighed, waiting for it to be made before I walked back to them.

“I’m sick and tired of him.” Nikki grumbled as he lit a cigarette.

“We’re just tired of being in each other’s faces. A month home will do us all good.” Mick spoke, under dark shades and cigarette smoke.

The three of them agreed as I sipped on my cocktail, glancing over and seeing Vince drinking and laughing with the other band. Rachel saw me looking and took the initiative to come over.

“You want a drink?” He asked, as Nikki’s attention quickly went to his. I held up my glass to show him, “Oh…right…I just didn’t know if you’d be allowed to drink around them.”

I rolled my eyes, “I told you I was earlier.” I closed my eyes, instantly regretting it as I felt Nikki look at me.

“Earlier? You met him earlier?” He questioned as I nodded. Do I tell him he tried hitting on me? Or just let that one slide?

“Yeah, Yeah. Earlier when I was waiting for you. I met him and the rest of his band. Did you know Sebastian is a total dickhead?”

Rachel let out a laugh, “dickhead? So that’s why you were flirting with him earlier?”

I stared him down, “Shut up, I wasn’t flirting with him. Nik, I wasn’t. He offered me blow.” I spoke, wishing I didn’t say that either.

“Blow? He offered you fucking blow?” Nikki quickly glared at Rachel, “Dude What the fuck? We told you guys no drugs at the shows. We don’t give a fuck if you do it back at the hotel, but keep it away from us.”

“Offered you blow after you asked me for it.” Rachel spat back as Nikki looked at me, I could see the anger in his eyes.

“I did not ask for it!! I just made a joke cause you named off all the booze and drugs you have! I wasn’t asking for it.” I yelled at Rachel.

“Baby, I didn’t ask-“ Nikki put his hand up and I stopped talking.

“Just fuck off Rachel, make sure my singer makes it back to his hotel room.” Nikki demanded as Rachel quickly left.

“Nikki, I didn’t ask them for coke.” I told him as he nodded, “Yeah, Whatever Vanity.” Nikki shook his head as he finished off his water.

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to come and surprise him this early.

“I totally knew Sebastian was a dickhead, just fucking look at him.” Tommy scoffed, rolling his brown eyes as he tried to make me smile.

“That wasn’t the worse part. I was minding my own business waiting for Sixx and Rachel comes out of nowhere and hits me with a cheesy pick up line because he didn’t recognize me at first.” I told Tommy as he chuckled.

“What did he say?” Tommy asked leaning in a bit closer to me.

“Do my lips taste as good as they look.” Him and I both cracked up in a fit of laughter, even Mick smiled a bit.

“And what did you say?” T-bone questioned, I licked my lips as I turned to face Nikki. I ran my nails through his hair, tugging his head to look over at me.

“I told him to go find Nikki Sixx and ask him yourself.” I muttered in a sultry tone before pressing my lips onto his, feeling the vibration from a suppressed growl Nikki had let out.

“Jeez, okay. We don’t want to see you two play tonsil hockey.” Mick spoke up as I broke away from Nikki, seeing his eyes turn dark with lust.

“Sorry Mick, I’ve just missed him so very much.” I teased as my hand trailed down Nikki’s chest, only to reach his belt buckle but he quickly grabbed my hand.

“I think we’re gonna head back to the hotel, we’ll see you guys in the morning.” Nikki spoke, standing up as he tugged on my hand.

“Goodnight boys.” I said, giving them both a hug before we left.

*back at the hotel*

“You just think you’re so damn cute, don’t you?” Nikki growled in my ear as he held me from behind as we walked down the hallway to our room.

“Maybe just a little bit.” I said, reaching back and palming his bulge through his leather pants, only for him to groan in my ear. Nikki attaches his lips to my neck once again, his teeth digging into me as his tongue runnimg across soothes the pain.

“No, baby. I gotta…I gotta show you something.”

I felt the smirk against my skin, “I’m sure it can wait.” He mumbled unlocking his door as he led me inside. Nikki wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me flush against his chest as he planted a deep kiss on me.

“No, no. I want to show you. I’ve been-“ I let out a hiss when his cold hands went under my dress to pull my panties down.

“Show me what, princess?” He muttered, fingers unzipping my dress as they ran down my spine. He moved us to the bed, having me lay down as he kneeled on the floor in front of me.

He hiked my dress up around my waist as he smiled like a kid on Christmas, “Just let me get a taste and then you can show me.” He mumbled, dragging his lips up my thighs, but I closed my legs.

I gently put my foot on his chest to push him away as I rolled off the bed, “It’s about the wedding.” I said, trying to control my breathing as I fixed my already falling off dress.

Nikki lets out a groan, burying his face in the bed, “Babe, I told you already. You can do whatever your heart desires, just come here and lay down so I can destroy that pussy again.” He whined as I scoffed.

“Um. First of all, Ew. And secondly, I want you to be involved and pick things out with me.” I cheekily spoke as I went through my suitcase that had been brought back to the hotel and pulled out a binder.

“Jesus, really? You’re organizing the wedding? Van, the wedding ain’t for another six months.” Nikki said, adjusting himself as he sat on the bed.

“Yes, and five months have already passed since we’ve gotten engaged. You said at the end of the tour we can get married.” I pointed out as he stared at me.

“But can’t it wait? I’ve been away from you for this long already, I just need to touch you. Thought you’d be more than okay with us rolling around in the sheets all night.” Nikki pouted like a spoiled brat as he crossed his arms over his chest.

I rolled my eyes, sitting down next to him and handing all the plans and details of our wedding over to him, “And I am thrilled for that, but I want to show you first.” I said batting my eyelashes at him as I rested my chin on his shoulder.

I watched as he flipped through the pages, “There. I looked at everything now, may I continue?” He asked, putting his hand between my thighs as he attempted to move upwards. I quickly swatted his hand away.

“Nikki! C’mon!!-“ I whined, “…can we just do one normal couple thing together?”

He chuckled, “Baby, there ain’t nothing normal about you and I.” Nikki swiftly kissed my lips as he finally gave into my wishes and started looking at it.

“You want to get married at a vineyard?” He questioned, giving me a strange look.

“Well, I thought the location was pretty and they have enough room for the party afterwards. They set it up all nicely with little twinkling lights and there’s a villa on the property that is a bed and breakfast so a lot of our guests could stay there.” I explained as he nodded.

I put on pajamas as he read through everything, just to crawl back besides him, “Is that okay? I didn’t want to do a beach wedding because like everyone does that, and getting married in a church isn’t for us.”

He nodded, “Yeah, that’s fine. When are you wanting to get married? Immediately after I’m home from tour?”

I shook my head, “No, you’ll be home around February and I thought maybe having it in the spring time would be good, maybe May? I haven’t picked the date yet…”

Nikki chuckled, “How about May twenty second?”

“Why May twenty second?” I asked him curiously as he glanced over at me.

“Dunno, it was the first day that popped into my head.” He smiled as I nodded.

“Okay. I’ll book it for May twenty second-“ Nikki interrupted me, “Can it be at night? Or like late afternoon? So there’s more twinkling lights or whatever.”

I smiled at him, kissing his cheek, “Of course, babe.”

He kept flipping through the pages, “White daisies, yellow sunflowers and lavender?”

I nodded, “I thought they were pretty…”

“It sounds pretty.” He said as I let out a giggle.

“What color tie do I have to wear?” Nikki questioned as I shrugged.

“I haven’t gotten to you yet. I know I want the groomsmen to wear these rose gold ties I found because the bridesmaids dresses will match their tie….I think you shouldn’t wear one, but mom thinks you should.” I explained as he huffed and rolled his eyes.

“If you don’t want me to wear one I won’t. Have you found a dress yet?” Nikki questioned, peering over to me as I shook my head.

“No, nothing stands out. It’s kinda bumming me out because I know what I want but then when I see it I hate it, so I don’t know.” I explained, frowning as he kissed my shoulder.

“I’m sure you’ll find it.” He assured as I nodded, “But where’s the cake?”

I chuckled, “I thought we could do that together, try all the samples, pick out the designs for it.”

He smirked, “Yeah, I’d like to do that with you….I’m sorry I’m not home to be planning it with you. But these are wonderful ideas, darling. I’m all for it.”

I sighed deeply, but nodded at his words, “I wish you were too. But I know, rockstar duties come first-“

He interrupted me again, “Rockstar duties do not come first. You come first, and then the music. You inspired me to write half the songs on the album anyways.”

I melted when I heard his words. I placed my hand on the side of his face, thumb brushing against his cheek, “May I make a request though?” He questioned as I nodded.

“Can the song we dance to be Elvis’s ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’?”

I stared at him blankly as I studied the shit eating grin he had going on. That’s such a romantic song, and totally not what I had expected him to want.

“I mean, yeah. That can be our song. Are you sure, though? You don’t want ‘She Goes Down’? Maybe ‘Starry Eyes’?” I suggested as he let out a laugh.

“No princess, I want that one. Every time I hear it, I think of you.”

My smile was wide as he started singing it to me. He put down the binder and gently put me down on the bed too.

“Take my hand, take my whole life too…” he softly sang as he pressed kisses to my skin.

“For I can’t help falling in love with you.”

*three weeks later, Nikki’s POV*

I woke up in a jolt, feeling Vanity leave the bed quickly as she ran to the bathroom and started puking her guts up. I looked at the clock on the nightstand seeing that it was barely reaching nine in the morning.

I got out of bed, rubbing my face as I walked to the bathroom to hold her hair back as she continued to upchuck last nights dinner.

“Not to say I told you so, but both T-bone and I told you not to eat that sushi last night. That shit didn’t look right.” I chuckled lightly as I rubbed her back softly.

I felt her shake under my hand as she flushed the toilet and wiped her lip, “You okay?” I asked as I felt her head, “You don’t feel warm.” I said as she kinda shrugged me off and started rinsing her mouth out and brushing her teeth.

“I’m okay. I didn’t feel good last night either.” She mumbled as she looked at me through the mirror.

“Well, we can stay in bed all day, shows not till tonight, anyways. ” I explained as she shook her head.

“No. You have to meet the guys at noon for a photoshoot.”

Damn her for keeping track of my life.

“Do you want to come with me?” I asked as we left the bathroom and she got back into bed. I crawled in beside her and wrapped her up in my arms.

“I’ll pass. I just want to relax. I’m sure I’ll be fine by showtime.” She mumbled as she turned in my arms and buried her face into my chest.

I ran my hand up and down her back as I felt her relax against me. I kissed the top of her head as I heard her breathing change which meant she was falling back asleep. I decided to nap for a little while longer too.

*Vanity’s POV*

I woke up with a sour stomach and a bad taste in my mouth. I tried to control my breathing as I felt the nausea creeping back slowly. I looked over seeing a folded up piece of paper:

Van,

Had to head out. I’ll be back in a few hours. If you’re feeling better, let’s go out to dinner before the show. Love you xxx

N. Sixx

I slowly got out of bed, digging through my clothes as I pulled on a pair of leggings and a sweater. I called for the chauffeur shortly after and had him take me to the local grocery store to pick up some ginger ale and saltine crackers.

When we arrived at the store I told him I would only be a few minutes. I may have went to the store to pick up some home remedies, but I found myself looking at pregnancy tests.

Nikki’s dumb sometimes, I swear. I knew it wasn’t the sushi. I also knew that I hadn’t gotten my period since before I left California to join him on tour, and that was over a month ago. My period was suppose to be here last week and nothing has happened. The only thing that has happened was a lot of unprotected sex.

I sighed and grabbed a test, only to grab another one from a different brand and another one different from the first two. Better safe, then sorry. Which also applies to why we should be using condoms when I’m not on the pill.

I paid for my items, as the clerk gave me a weird look. Anyways, I hurried back to the driver as he took me back to the hotel. I had no idea when Nikki was going to be back, so I quickly went to the bathroom, locking the door for good measure.

I sat down on the toilet, using the first test as I did my thing and laid it out on the counter. Longest three minutes of my life.

My eyes widened when I saw that little plus sign, “oh fuck.” I muttered as I ran my hand through my hair.

I quickly ripped open the next package as I thankfully had enough in the tank to go again. Another three minutes passed as I furrowed my eyebrows in a confused expression as I saw both a plus and a minus sign, maybe the first one was just a false negative and maybe I missed my period because I’m stressed or maybe my hormones are off this month.

I started becoming panicked as I lit a cigarette and started smoking in the bathroom, which was quick to make me nauseous all over again so I quickly stubbed it out.

I opened up the next package, “Please..I’m begging you..” I whispered as I sat on the toilet trying to go. I took the test and waited, but this one took five minutes for the results to be ready.

I cleaned up the bathroom, throwing the tests to the bottom of the trash can, ripping off extra toilet paper and crumpling it up just to be on the safe side.

I heard a beeping noise, the test letting me know it was ready as I dreadfully picked it up and saw the results. I slumped down to the the floor as i saw the words ‘pregnant’ staring back at me.

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2018

I’m kinda sad this series of posts is coming to a close, especially with two mediocre years for the kind of hit songs I enjoy.

I was very depressed in 2018 so I thought maybe it was the reason why I didn’t like most songs I heard, so I revisited the entire catalogue of 2018 hit songs from the year-end lists and... no, it wasn’t just me.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

As I mentioned before I was super depressed in 2018, which wasn’t helped by the death of two family members including one I was super close to, and by catching a mysterious infection on a finger that doctors didn’t seem to be able to cure and which made my left hand hurt all year long, until I had to have an operation in early 2019 to fix the issue (plot twist, it wasn’t an infection, which is why nothing was working). On the plus side, my s.o and I decided to get married but it only happened the next year.

Ok so, hit songs weren’t that good (stay tuned for that), but albums? Some great stuff dropped in 2018. Unfortunately, Eminem’s Kamikaze wasn’t among those great albums and at that point he was basically dead to me. BUT! A Perfect Circle came back, which was completely unexpected! Nine Inch Nails released Bad Witch which contained the excellent and super hypnotic Over And Out! Mike Shinoda released Post Traumatic and every single Linkin Park fan was like “oh god what a mood”! Moby, which I hadn’t liked for years at that point after loving his stuff so much when I was 15 or so, released Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt and it was unexpectedly good! And The 1975 released A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships, which, in my opinion, isn’t quite as great as their second album (I refuse to write its super long title again), but still super good. Just like the previous one, a lot of songs had crossover potential and I’m very sad it didn’t happen. Stay tuned for the unelligible songs.

But you know what? The album of the year, at least to me, was always going to be something much darker. Fortunately, the end of the year was when VNV Nation decided to drop its best album of the entire decade, Noire. In these trying times, an album about the fight between light and darkness was exactly what I needed to hear. I was super emotional when I first listened to it. Armour might just be the best song on the album. Collide explodes into a million colors after a super slow start. Wonders is a big mood. Lights Go Out is a super angry song which basically says ‘we’re dancing while the apocalypse is happening because they won’t let us do anything else’, and we need more stuff like this. When is the Future was a super solid first single and yeah, exactly, where is the future we were promised as kids? Only Satellites became one of my fight songs in record time. And All Of Our Sins is terrifying and super good. Just an amazing album all around. I certainly hope they make more in the future, but if they don’t, that would be a super high note to finish on.

As for unelligible stuff, there’s Chun Li (Nicki Minaj) which I found super weird at first, but it grew on me a lot as the year went on. I’m very surprised it’s not on the US year-end list, by the way. And I wish more stuff from Indochine had charted... again, I know. Apart from that, it’s all The 1975. Love it if we made it should have been a hit but wasn’t a safe bet for a leading single so it kind of makes sense. TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME despite its stupid title was a much more convincing hit, and yet, it wasn’t one, and that pisses me off more. And It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You) is one of their best songs ever. Catch me on the right day and I’ll call it better than The Sound, even. This should have been a hit. I’m so angry it didn’t happen.

But hey! Their new album is getting released in just a couple of days! Maybe 2020 is finally going to be their year? Wait and see.

Holy shit there hasn’t been a shorter list of honorable mentions since my 2008 list.

Remind Me To Forget (Kygo) - Good but (ironically) a bit too forgettable to be on the list.

Later Bitches (The Prince Karma) - So bad it’s good at its finest right there. Not enough to put it higher though.

High Hopes (Panic! At The Disco) - Tiptoes the line between good and super annoying too much to be higher. Not even the best song on the album (that would be Say Amen (Saturday Night)). Not sure why this was more popular.

Sicko Mode (Travis Scott) - God I want to love this song so bad. I tried so hard and it never completely clicked for me.

Next To Me (Imagine Dragons) - Believe it or not, this was the last cut from the list. I sincerely hope that Imagine Dragons will make good music again in the future and that their new songs will stop sounding like a person dragging themselves accross the wet sand of some post-apocalyptic beach covered in ashes.

So how do I know this was a bad year for hit songs? Well I not only struggled to find ten songs for this list but also struggled to find a suitable #1. Then I just went “I’m gonna put the only 2018 song I ever put on my mp3 player at #1 by default.” Does it make 2018 as bad as 1990? I’m not so sure. The top 3 I made for 1990 contained two songs I absolutely adored, including one of my favorite songs of all time. On the other hand, it was a bit easier to find ten songs I liked (not loved) in 2018. So... I don’t know.

I should also mention that Bohemian Rhapsody made the French year-end list again, at #83, and that is hilarious, but putting it on the list feels like cheating. Consider it to be an alternative #1!

10 - Finesse (Bruno Mars)

US: #14 / FR: Not on the list

I know. Everybody likes this song. I’m no exception, and I love its aesthetic, but I also like it wayyyyyy less than 24k Magic.

9 - New Rules (Dua Lipa)

US: #16 / FR: Not on the list

Basically, same thing here. I like it but I’m using it mostly as filler for this list. The lyrics are pretty great, though.

8 - This is America (Childish Gambino)

US: #51 / FR: Not on the list

This would be much better if the radio version had kept the gunshot sounds from the music video, but on the other hand it would have been pretty terrifying to hear gunshots on the radio while driving, so eh... this was probably the right decision to make. Apart from that, this song and this video have already been analysed by countless people on the internet and I don’t see what I could contribute after all this time.

7 - Sweet but Psycho (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #42

This sounds like a song from the bygone era of Bad Romance and to be honest, it would have been annoying several years ago but in 2018 that was genuinely a refreshing blast from the past.

6 - Speed (Zazie)

US: Not on the list / FR: #74

To be honest, I never expected Zazie to show up on one of my lists again, but 2018′s general quality forced me to do it. This is a song that starts super slow and keeps getting faster, and it’s mostly about overcoming depression. Everything I needed that year.

5 - Let You Down (NF)

US: #29 / FR: Not on the list

I don’t think I know a single other person or critic who likes this song, and yet it charted super high. I don’t love it, and the chorus is grating, but there’s some damn powerful lyrics in there, and a lot of it is extremely relatable.

What can I say, in this day and age, if you give me a super-watered-down version of early 2000s Eminem, I’ll take it.

4 - Marry Me (Thomas Rhett)

US: #76 / FR: Not on the list

Yeah, it’s a slow emotional song and I tend to dislike those, but I heard this song only maybe four times in total and it destroyed me every single time.

No, I don’t have anything else to say about it.

3 - Un Été Français (Indochine)

US: Not on the list / FR: #67

I do not like this song’s chorus, it’s a mess and a half. There’s a lot of much better songs on the 13 album. 2033 should have been a single. But this is the one which charted instead. And you know what? I’ll take “super messy and clunkily written song about how the far right is gonna destroy this country if we let it exist any longer, sung over a nice tune” over everything I mentioned previously on this list.

In a better year, this wouldn’t have climbed higher than the honorable mentions. But yeah, I’m not gonna repeat my entire 2017 lecture about Indochine. It takes a lot for me to dislike one of their songs. Even at their weakest, their hearts are in the right place.

2 - Flames (David Guetta & Sia)

US: Not on the list / FR: #13

We’ve finally reached the songs I genuinely love and uh, yeah, there’s only two of them. This is sad. But this song is a lot of fun! And the music video is absolutely ridiculous in all the best ways.

It was also a super useful song to me. You’re being super sad and unenergetic, you’re climbing into your car to buy some food, you’re turning the radio on and suddenly you’re hearing “Go, go, go, figure it out / Figure it out, you can do this / So my love, keep on running / You gotta get through today / There my love, keep on running / Gotta keep those tears at bay / Oh my love, don't stop burning / Gotta send them up in flames” over a super good beat and yeah, definitely. You can do this.

1 - La Même (Maître Gims & Vianney)

US: Not on the list / FR: #1 (!! holy shit quality wins for once)

This might just be the weakest #1 I’ve ever put at the top of one of my lists, since the only criteria that put this one there was “this is actually on my mp3 player and none of the other songs are”. Also, somehow, I only discovered it last year even though it was the biggest song of 2018 in my country, apparently...

Even so, that’s a fantastic song with great lyrics and a wonderfully catchy tune and that would have been enough to put it at #1 on its own, I think. But look at those lyrics! (here’s a rather good translation) It’s about how society judges people by their looks in public. The chorus literally goes “If what I am bothers you, well, tough”. That’s even the title. And I like the music video a lot, with this white box in which people are put and as soon as they aren’t in it anymore you notice how different they act or look, like the buff guy who turns out to have prosthetic legs, or the grandma who turns out to be covered in tatoos. Simple but cool idea.

It may be a weak #1, but it’s an extremely useful song, because having “si je vous gêne, bah c’est la même” (”if I bother you, well tough”) turning in your head like a playground taunt, it really does wonders for your confidence.

And to think some French friends thought making these lists would make me hate Maître Gims’ music once I discovered it.

Next up: the last list?! It’s been a wild ride.

[jofiel]

The man on your left is Percy Fawcett - archaeologist and world famous explorer, known best for his adventurous lifestyle and his mysterious disappearance in 1925. His life and disappearance served as an inspiration for many characters, books and film. Indiana Jones was modeled after him. 

The man on your right is Dr. John Hemming who says Fawcett can go fuck himself. 

Percy Fawcett was a British geographer and explorer best known for his disappearance in 1925 while searching for an ancient lost city he commonly referred to as 'Z'.

Fawcett was a former lieutenant and captain of an artillery, joined the Royal Geographical Society to study surveying and mapmaking, and worked for the British Secret Service in North Africa. He served for the War Office as a Major. He was also friends with writer Sir Arthur Conan Doyle who you may know as the creator of Sherlock Holmes. Fawcett served as an inspiration for Doyle's book, "The Lost World".

The timeline for his disappearance: 

1925: Fawcett sets out for his last known expedition to find the lost city of Z. He left specific instructions stating that if the expedition (that consisted of himself, his son, and his son’s friend) did not return, NO rescue expedition should be sent.  (This request was later ignored as various rescue/recover expeditions were conducted for years to come; the first in 1927 and the most recent in 2003)

On April 20th, 1925 - His final expedition departed from Cuiabá, Brazil. It's a geographical centre of South America. His group was joined by 2 Brazilian laborers, 2 horses, 8 mules, and a pair of dogs.

On May 29th, 1925 - He sends out his last communication from the expedition in the form of a letter to his wife. He wrote that he was ready to go into unexplored territory with only Jack (his son) and Raleigh (his son's friend). He sent this letter out from a major camp he created called Dead Horse Camp. Here's one problem: He sent out two letters from this camp - and in both letters he wrote different coordinates as to where his location was. To his wife, he gave the coordinates: (11°43′S 54°35′W) and to The North American Newspaper Alliance he gave the coordinates (13°43′S 54°35′W). Here’s a satellite image of what that would look like. 

Nobody knows what happened to him and his crew after that.

The Theories:

Naturally, tons of theories were created after his disappearance. 

His fellow explorer buddy (and then later, war hero) Henry Costin - who had joined Fawcett on expeditions before - theorized that he succumbed to starvation or exhaustion. He claimed he had good relations with the natives and seriously doubts they killed him.

The Villas-Bôas / Kalapalos Tribe Murder Theories -

Orlando Villas-Bôas, a Brazilian pioneer for indigenous activism (who I’d also recommend reading about), received skeletal bones that were alleged to have been Fawcett and had them analysed scientifically. Apparently, the 'murderer' of Fawcett explained to him that the trio lost the gifts they were to bring to the native tribes in the river. Continuing without gifts was a serious breach of protocol, they did so anyways, and the two younger men were thrown into the river during an encounter with the Kalapalo tribe while Fawcett (being older) was given a proper burial.

 A Kalapalo chief called Comatzi told his people how the unwelcome strangers were killed.

 Comatzi's predecessor, Kalapalos Chief Izarari, had told them he had killed Fawcett and his son Jack, by shooting them with arrows after Fawcett attacked him and his people when they refused to give him guides and porters to take him to their Chavante enemies. Raleigh had died from fever before they trio had reached the Kalapalos.

 A slightly different variation was told by Villas-Bôas, stating that Chief Izarari told him that he had killed all three white men with his club the morning after Jack allegedly consorted with one of his wives. He also claimed that Percy Fawcett had slapped him in the face after the chief refused his demand for canoes and porters to continue his journey.

The Kalapalo also have an oral story of the arrival of three explorers: The three went east, and after five days the Kalapalo noticed that the group no longer made camp fires. They were killed by a violent neighboring tribe.

Later, scientific analysis determined the bones given to Villas-Bôas weren't Fawcett. A Kalapalo elder in an interview in the 1990s also denied that the bones were Fawcett's and that the tribe had nothing to do with his disappearance. Who the bones belong to, and where the remains of Fawcett and his crew are, remain a mystery to this day.

Some of the other theories: 

One theory, based on Fawcett's private letters, suggested that Fawcett never intended to return to Britain. Instead, he meant to found a commune in the jungle based on theosophical principles and the worship of his son, Jack.

Another theory, closely related to the previous one, was that Fawcett was targeted by an erotic siren who draws white men into the jungle.

Now would be a good time to mention that his older brother was an occultist and friend of Helena Blavatsky, co founder of the Theosophical Society. In fact, he helped her while she was creating The Secret Doctrine.  Here is a link to the PDF version of The Secret Doctrine and here are two links to buy a physical copy of volume one and volume two. 

Fawcett’s wife also believed that the men were still alive, and claimed to have received a psychic message from her husband in 1934. She remained believing that they were alive and would come home until the day she died. 

* Psychic Geraldine Cummins also reported receiving a telepathic message from Fawcett in 1936, and received four more communications until 1948, when he told her that he was dead. “Cummins said, the Englishman had found the relics of Atlantis in the jungle but was now ill and semiconscious.”

The other conclusions draw about what happened include:

He was eaten by jaguars

He was still alive and was living off the land

He was still alive, found the lost city, and spent the rest of his days there

He was alive but a prisoner of a tribe

He became the chief of a cannibalistic tribe

He became a victim of amnesia, malaria, parasitic infections, you name it

He found the lost city and it was full of beautiful red headed aliens. 

Him and his son were worshiped as gods in Roncador.

He was killed and had his head shrunken. ** Here are two different photos of the head that’s alleged to belong to Fawcett. Due to its disturbing nature it will be up to you to decide if you want to see these photos. 

For the general public - Fawcett served as an exciting symbol of adventure and mystery. He's seen as this iconic explorer, an inspiration for many novels and characters - including Indiana Jones. At one point, a fictionalized version of Fawcett actually aids Indiana Jones in the 3rd book of the original series. His life was admirable and his disappearance was called, "one of the greatest mysteries of the twentieth century".

For experts....his reputation and life's work is much different.

Dr. John Hemming is a well established, highly experienced historian, explorer, and expert on Incas and indigenous peoples of the Amazon basin. His record is honestly too long to get into but just know that our knowledge of indigenous peoples from South America probably wouldn't be as extensive as it is without him. His books are still used as references, his work is praised by Brazilians and Europeans, and if you want to learn anything about the different tribes in South America - he's your guy.

His take on Fawcett? Well almost a century after Fawcett’s disappearance and presumed death Dr. Hemming was like 

"Greatest explorer? Fawcett? He was a surveyor who never discovered anything, a nutter, a racist, and so incompetent that the only expedition he organised was a five-week disaster. Calling him one of our greatest explorers is like calling Eddie the Eagle one of our greatest sportsmen. It is an insult to the huge roster of true explorers. Had the advertisement been about a soap powder, it would fall foul of the Trade Descriptions Act."  That’s a god damn direct quote from the VERY first paragraph of an article John Hemmings wrote about Fawcett in 2017.

In fact the tagline for the article was:  "A new Hollywood film hypes Percy Fawcett as a great explorer. In fact, he was a racist incompetent who achieved very little." 

Before his disappearance, Faucett was known for making....odd claims.

  "While on the expedition in 1907, Fawcett claimed to have seen and shot a 62-foot (19 m) long giant anaconda, a claim for which he was ridiculed by scientists. He reported other mysterious animals unknown to zoology, such as a small cat-like dog about the size of a foxhound, which he claimed to have seen twice, and the giant Apazauca spider [a mythical GIANT spider that turns its victims black as it poisons them]."

Some other incredible quotes from the article (that I highly encourage reading) include:

"He [Fawcett] emerges from it as a typical Edwardian colonial officer — friendly with South Americans but looking down on them, appalled by the cruelty at some rubber stations, full of gossip about life on this remote but boom-rich backwater, and uninterested in nature apart from banalities about dangerous snakes and irritating insects."

"The Maxubi were friendly and hospitable, but continuing on a forest trail Fawcett met another tribe (probably Sakurabiat) to whom he took a violent dislike. When one aimed a drawn bow at him, Fawcett shot the man with a Mauser revolver — absolutely forbidden by Brazil’s Indian Service. He described them as he imagined Neanderthals or Piltdown Man to have looked: ‘large hairy men, with exceptionally long arms, and foreheads sloping back from pronounced eye ridges… villainous savages, hideous ape men with pig-like eyes.’ No Amazonian Indian has body hair or looks remotely like this — I know, because I have spent time with over 40 different peoples. “

“These two groups, and the two on the Heath, were the only tribal people seen by Fawcett. He liked two of them. So it was strange that he wrote racist gibberish that ‘there are three kinds of Indians. The first are docile and miserable people, easily tamed; the second, dangerous, repulsive cannibals very rarely seen; the third, a robust and fair people, who must have a civilised origin.’ "

"He now took two inexperienced ex-public schoolboys, his son Jack and Jack’s friend Raleigh Rimmel."

"All expeditions in the past four decades had brought plenty of presents such as machetes, knives and beads. Fawcett had none. He committed other blunders that antagonised their hosts [the natives]. So it was only a matter of days before they were all dead."

"Such was the sad tale of this incompetent, whose only skill was in surveying."

"Then it was forgotten until 2009 when David Grann, a talented writer, published The Lost City of Z. Unfortunately, Grann hyped the story out of all proportion and wrongly depicted Fawcett as a great explorer. As he cheerfully admitted, Grann had no experience of rainforests. But he let his imagination run riot, with pages about ferocious piranhas, huge anacondas, electric eels (actually a fish that has never killed a man), frogs ‘with enough toxins to kill 100 people’, ‘predator’ pig-like peccary, ‘sauba ants that could reduce the men’s clothes to threads in a single night, ticks that attached like leeches (another scourge) and the red hairy chiggers that consumed human tissue. The cyanide-squirting millipedes. The parasitic worms that caused blindness…’ and so on. Everyone who know tropical forests, including me, knows that almost every word of this is nonsense."

"Grann wrote that, as an author, he would have been lost without my three-volume, 2,100-page history of Brazilian Indians and five centuries of exploration. He quotes quite often from my books. So he had no excuse for describing Fawcett’s brief visits to three indigenous villages as the ‘discovery of so many previously unknown Indians’, from whom ‘he learned to speak myriad indigenous languages’, and adopted ‘herbal medicines and native methods of hunting [so that he] was better able to survive off the land’.

Dr. Hemmings also refers to the colonizers who enslaved the natives in the area as 'thugs' 

 and fucking ended the article with " Hollywood believed everything Grann wrote, and then hyped it up more. ... But I could recommend scores of writings by real explorers."

[sigritandtheelves]

so, um, more simple? please? love you. k. bye.

your wish is my command, anon, and i love you too. this ask popped up just as i was finally working on ch7. 😊

Simple

Chapter 7

Other Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six

PG-13 | 2k wds | pre-XF AU | MSR, Melissa/Samantha

_+_

February 2, 1990 - Stanford

Dana Scully said “Thank you,” and hung up the phone, but when the receiver settled into its cradle, she found herself unable to think. It took her a moment. She wobbled on her feet, and then sat heavily in the chair beside her kitchen table. She couldn’t quite breathe. She didn’t know what this meant. She didn’t know who to call first. Melissa, she thought, maybe, but then… no. Fox. She needed to talk to him first. He answered on the fourth ring.

“H-hi,” she stammered.

“Dana?”

She looked at the pad of paper where she’d just scribbled down some notes: dates, a list of questions, the words 18 weeks and fitness test. “Did you do this? Is this because of you?” Her fingers felt numb gripping the phone and she was suddenly cold, even under the fuzz of her purple sweater.

“Do what? Hey, are you okay? Dana, what’s wrong?”

“I—“ she began, but faltered. “I just got off the phone with the FBI,” she said. “They, they’re, they said… They want me. I mean, they want to recruit me. They got my scores from the last exam, and they said they’re looking for pathologists, and… was it you? Did you tell them to do this?”

“Dana, that’s so… oh my god, we could work in the same building. God, that’s incredible!” He laughed. “And no! I don’t know why I didn’t think of it, but no, this was all you! I don’t work in recruitment.” He laughed again, his excitement buzzing through the phone line, and then he seemed to pause. “But,” he said. “Are you happy about this? Is it something you might want?”

This made her stop and think a moment, which she hadn’t yet had a chance to do. Was it? She thought of the FBI’s resources, the kinds of cases she’d come across, the excitement of looking over Fox’s case notes when he’d shared them with her. This wouldn’t be overdoses and liver cancer or small-town average deaths. This would be murders, strange deaths, important cases. Her answer seemed so easy. “Yes,” she said “God, yes. More than anything, I want to do something important.”

There was a sound behind him, someone else’s voice, and then his hand must have come over the mouthpiece because he offered some kind of muffled response.

Dana frowned. “Who’s that?”

“Oh,” he said. “Partner. We’re heading out on another case tomorrow. Georgia this time.”

“On a Saturday?”

He chuckled. “Hey, murderers don’t take weekends off.”

“And neither do telekinetic mutants?”

“Nope. This one’s no mutant, though. At least I don’t think. Hey, are you coming out to interview? Get a tour of the Hoover building?”

She smiled. “Yeah. Thursday. It’s all happening so fast. Will you be back by then?”

“I’d damned well better be. I don’t want to miss you.”

If he were out of town, she thought she might scream—to be so close, to be where he worked, and not see him. The FBI. Working side-by-side with him, or at least in the same city. It was… perfect. Maybe too perfect. There had to be some catch. And of course, she supposed, there was.

“Oh God,” she said. “What will I tell my dad?” She thought of Ahab’s stern frown when she’d said she was interested in pathology, how he’d said Now, Dana… like she were a child. He would cross his arms and frown and make her feel small again. Like Daniel had.

“Don’t worry about that now.” Fox’s voice was warm, and she imagined him behind her, talking into her ear, lips in her hair. She missed him, couldn’t believe he’d been here only two weeks ago. “I’ll try my hardest to be there.”

“Okay,” she said.

He sighed, and she could sense, suddenly, his distraction. “Hey, I have to go. But I’ll call you from Georgia, okay? I got one of those calling card thingies for when I’m out of town.”

“Alright,” she said. There was a tinge of melancholy seeping in at the edges of her excitement. Because this partner was taking him out of town at just the wrong time. Because of her family. If she flew east and saw them, if she told Melissa, she’d have to tell her parents, too. She could already sense their disapproval, from across the continent.

But.

But if it worked out…

“Hey, Dana?” His voice was low, murmured, as if to keep between just them.

“Yeah?”

“I’m so excited for you.”

“Me too,” she said. “I— I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

And they hung up.

—

Her parents, it turned out, were not the most pressing problem she had to deal with. First thing Monday morning, scrubbed and starting rounds, she looked up to find Daniel stalking toward her like a bull. Pen to the chart she was reading, Dana’s jaw fell open at the sight of his determination.

“Daniel, what—“

“I need to talk to you,” He said.

Dana blinked. She glanced at the patient whose chart she held, then back at Daniel’s red face. “Excuse me a minute,” she said to the patient, and placed the chart back at the end of the bed.

Daniel practically dragged her out of the room, hand firm on her elbow.

“Please let go of me,” she said. Her words seemed to startle him. He checked himself, dropped her elbow, and gestured toward his office door. Before it had even closed, he was turning that hard look on her again.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

Dana’s brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

“You requested off three days this week.”

She stiffened, crossed her arms across her chest. “Yes,” she said. “I have an interview.”

“With the FBI?”

Her eyes widened. He had inched closer to her, and she involuntarily stepped back. “How—“

“They requested my letter. I had half a mind to send them a different one.”

Dana felt her face getting hot. “You can’t do that. You said you wouldn’t let this—“

“Who is he?”

Those eyes. She’d never seen him this way. For the first time in his presence, she felt not just irritated by his territoriality, but threatened. Unsafe. Against the fear, she straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin. “Who is who?”

He leaned in again. “Don’t play with me, Dana. That man you were with. You were kissing him outside your apartment. Does he work for the FBI? Are you fucking him to get a place there?”

A red streak of anger plunged through her, head to toe, at his words, and she squeezed her hand shut to keep from raising it to slap him. She breathed deep, held his furious gaze with her own. The worst thing of all was that she had wondered the same thing at first, wondered if Fox had put her name through to someone. But that wouldn’t have been as low as what Daniel was suggesting now. And he hadn’t, anyway. “Are you following me? You were watching me?”

“You said there was no one else.”

“When I said that, there wasn’t.”

“How’d you meet him?”

“Daniel, it’s none of your business.” She’d backed up further, and now she gripped the door’s handle behind her back.

“When?”

“Daniel,” she said again, slower this time. “It’s none of your business.” Eyes fierce, ice blue, hard as stones, she wouldn’t back down.

“You’d be stupid to join the FBI.” His words were bitter things. “You’d be throwing your life away. You’ll be nothing, just some lab rat. Is that all you are?”

His shift in tense didn’t go unnoticed, and his vile words stung. She saw, then, that he thought he was losing something of his own making in her decision to leave. He saw her choice as his failure. Part of her wanted to feel pity for this man and his crippling pride. But she did not. “I’m not yours,” she said. “You didn’t make me what I am. My future is my own.”

“Your future’s in some cinderblock basement without any heat, surrounded by dead things.”

“I’ll bring justice to those dead things,” she said with her own version of venom, which was truth and not poison. “And you’ll send the FBI the first letter, because it’s what you promised.” She swallowed. “And my future is with someone I love.”

With that she twisted the handle and swung open the door. Dana turned on her heel and kept her shoulders straight as she could down the length of the hallway. She pressed the barred door that led into the stairwell and, when she saw that it was empty, collapsed against the railing. Her hands came to her face and she let out one solitary sob, a single choked concession to her overwhelming emotions while she bent at the waist over disinfected tile. Then she tucked them back into place and stood, if somewhat unsteadily. She wondered how many more men like this there would be in her future. How many in the FBI, how many in the labs, on the training field, in her own parents’ living room. She imagined her spine stiffening like rebar, her heart growing brittle with ice as it steeled itself against cutting onslaught of their judgment. Then she thought of Fox, how his face crumpled slightly when he spoke with empathy for his victims. She thought how he’d said It takes a lot out of me. She thought how his eyes could thaw the ice and melt the rebar before they could make her rigid and cold. If he were there, she could be a different kind of strong.

Still braced against the railing, Dana swiped at her eyes, pushed some escaped hair back toward her ponytail, and took a deep breath. She went slowly down the stairs, regaining herself as she went. She’d caught the FBI’s attention on her own merit. She loved someone who didn’t want to possess her, but to listen to her. She was flying toward him, and a new future near him, in two days. She would be okay.

—

Tuesday - Athens, Georgia

“Diana, this case designation is strange.” He had loosened his tie, and was slouched at the motel’s small table, looking through the file for a hundredth time. “I meant to ask earlier—why does it begin with an X in stead of a number?”

Diana sat across from him, transcribing notes from a recorded interview. She paused the tape and pulled the orange padded headphones from her ear. “Hmm?”

“The case file,” he said, tapping the number on its outer file-folder. “Its designation is strange. I haven’t seen that before.”

“I’m not sure,” she said. “This one came directly from Blevins.”

Fox looked up. “From Blevins? Why so high up?”

Diana shrugged. “The second victim, he was ex-military. Maybe some government big wigs wanted to push it through?”

Fox chewed the top of his pen, tried to use this information rethink the connections, the motive. “You think the killer could be military too?” The deaths seemed random, but too strange to be unconnected: localized burns, charred like stripes across four men’s torsos.

“Could be,” she said. “It’s worth checking. Unless you’re in too much of a hurry to get out of here. You have a date back in DC or something?”

She said it jokingly, but Fox looked up sharply, caught in the headlights. He supposed he was pretty obvious, and she’d been there when he got the phone call, but he didn’t want his love life to affect his work. “I’m sorry,” he said.

Diana shook her head with a half-smile. “Who is she?”

“She’s—“ he thought about how to describe Dana Scully, what words he could possibly use to talk about her. Then he thought about the fact that she may be joining the FBI and thought he’d better keep her name to himself. She didn’t need to start out in this minefield already surrounded by rumors. “She’s a doctor. Brilliant. But it’s long-distance right now.”

“Must be hard.”

A small, tight nod, followed by an awkward silence. He looked back at the report.

“Do you think…” he said after a moment. “You think there are more cases like this? Marked with an X in this way?”

— end chapter seven —

go to chapter 8

[imdoingthismspaintadventure]

Worm Interlude 1 - In which we talk about “descendants” and “progenitors”

Huh? Interlude 1? What is this, some sort of bonus between sagas? Hmmm.

“We don’t know how long he had been there.  Suspended in the air above the Atlantic Ocean.  On May twentieth, 1982, an ocean liner was crossing from Plymouth to Boston when a passenger spotted him.  He was naked, his arms to his sides, his long hair blowing in the wind as he stood in the sky, nearly a hundred feet above the gently cresting waves.  His skin and hair can only be described as a burnished gold.  With neither body hair nor clothes to cover him, it is said, he seemed almost artificial.

Oooh is this like backstory?? On the world itself?? This is all the way back to 1982!! It sounds like a documentary of important events of the past! Is this what the interludes are going to be? Lore bombs?. I’m game for that : D

So floating in the middle of the ocean was a man with long hair, no clothes, and his skin with the apearance of gold. That makes for an incredible mental image. Holy shit powers are awesome

He’s giving me strong Dr Manhattan vibes, but this one has hair and is yellow instead of blue.

“After a discussion including passenger and crew, the liner detoured to get closer.  It was a sunny day, and passengers crowded to the railings to get a better look.  As if sharing their curiosity, the figure drew closer as well.  His expression was unchanging, but witnesses at the scene reported that he appeared deeply sad.

People getting closer to something that could be dangerous to record it and/or touch it is such a staple of humanity. That would 100% happen in our world

He looks deeply sad....Maybe it’s because of the Manhattan vibes, but this screams deep, profound loneliness to me. Or detachment from the world. Where did this golden man even come from? He was suddently spotted one day all radiant and sorrowfull...

“‘I thought he was going to crack his facade and cry any moment’, said Grace Lands, ‘But when I reached out and touched his fingertips, I was the one who burst into tears.’

Damn, they make him sound majestic. Holy shit.

Also this is totally a documentary! I love the format of this.

“‘That boat trip was a final journey for me.  I had cancer, and I wasn’t brave enough to face it.  Can’t believe I’m admitting this in front of a camera, but I was going back to Boston, where I was born, to end things myself.  After I met him, I changed my mind.  Didn’t matter anyways.  I went to a doctor, and he said there was no sign I ever had the disease.’

!!!!!

The golden man can cure cancer! Is his power omni-healing? A universal cure? He basically did a miracle there!

He has this amazing healing power and was just floating idly over the sea... He still gives me massive Manhattan vibes..

“‘My brother, Andrew Hawke, was the last passenger to make any sort of contact with him, I remember.  He climbed up onto the railing, and, almost falling off, he clasped the hand of the golden man.  The rest of us had to grab onto him to keep him from falling.  Whatever happened left him with a quiet awe.  When the man with the golden skin flew away, my brother stayed silent.  The rest of the way to Boston, my brother didn’t say a word.  When we docked, and the spell finally broke, my brother babbled his excitement to reporters like a child.’

Were superheroes less common at that time? I mean, golden man here still seems amazing even with that we have seen, but they are acting like it happened in our world!

“The golden man would reappear several more times in the coming months and years.  At some point, he donned clothing.  At first, a sheet worn over one shoulder and pinned at either side of the waist, then more conventional clothes.  In 1999, he donned the white bodysuit he still wears today.  For more than a decade, we have wondered, where did our golden man get these things?  Who was he in contact with?

So he has a contact! Who gives him clothes and maybe equipment? And no one in the world knows? He seems as much a mystery to them as to us!

“Periodically at first, then with an increasing frequency, the golden man started to intervene in times of crisis.  For events as small as a car accident, as great as natural disasters, he has arrived and used his abilities to save us.  A flash of light to freeze water reinforcing a levee stressed by a hurricane.  A terrorist act averted.  A serial murderer caught.  A volcano quelled.  Miracles, it was said.

H-Holy shit.

This makes Lung seem like nothing. What is even his power??

Curing diseases, freezing water, calming volcanoes....He performs actual miracles! Is his power just... all the powers??? Or a power that does everything???

How high in the hierarchy is this guy??

“His pace increased, perhaps because he was still learning what he could do, perhaps because he was getting a greater sense of where he was needed.  By the middle of the 1990s, he was traveling from crisis to crisis, flying faster than the speed of sound.  In fifteen years, he has not rested.

Oh my god....

He has been saving people and doing good deeds for over fifteen years, EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF EVERY DAY.

Holy fucking shit.

Is this the #1 hero?? The “All Might” of this world?? But this....this is even more insane. He’s like the ultimate good!

“He has been known to speak just once in thirty years.  After extinguishing widespread fire in Alexandrovsk, he paused to survey the scene and be sure no blazes remained.  A reporter spoke to him, and asked, ‘Kto vy?’ – what are you?

“Shocking the world, caught on camera in a scene replayed innumerable times, he answered in a voice that sounded as though it might never have uttered a sound before.  Barely audible, he told her, ‘Scion’.

!!!!!!

This is giving me all of the chills, ever.

Scion

Descendant?? What does that even mean?? Why are you so mysterious and amazing at the same time, golden man????

“It became the name we used for him.  Ironic, because we took a word that meant descendant, and used it to name the first of many superpowered individuals – parahumans – to appear across Earth.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAIT HOLD THE FUCK UP

He’s just not the best, he’s the first!!!!

The first superhero ever!!!!

Oh my god, he’s superman! Both in meta and in-story!!

Godly do-everything powers, ultimate good, first ever superhero....

He’s the man of tomorrow!!! But without like the secret identity part. This is who Superman would be if he never stopped saving people, ever. If he was a hero all the time!!

THIS IS SO COOL.

“Just five years after Scion’s first appearance, the superheroes emerged from the cover of rumor and secrecy to show themselves to the public. Though the villains followed soon after, it was the heroes who shattered any illusions of the parahumans being divine figures.  In 1989, attempting to quell a riot over a basketball game in Michigan, the superhero known to the public as Vikare stepped in, only to be clubbed over the head.  He died not long after of a brain embolism.  Later, he would be revealed to be Andrew Hawke.

WAIT AND NOW YOU DROP THIS ON ME.

One of the first superheroes was the man who touched him at the boat!!! Did he give him his power??? DId touching him grant him powers??? What???

But then what about all the other people who got powers afterwards??. I’m sure he wasn’t there for them all??? WHAT IS GOING ON?? Was that just a coincidence??

“The golden age of the parahumans was thus short lived.  They were not the deific figures they had appeared to be.  Parahumans were, after all, people with powers, and people are flawed at their core.  Government agencies took a firmer hand, and state-”

Can I just say that I fucking love how despite all their powers and grace, parahumans are just human, with all their virtues and flaws, and it was this that made people realize that they were not gods, just men?? That one of the superheroes of the golden age died from a simple hit to the head??

God, this is so great.

The television flicked off, and the screen went black, cutting the documentary off mid sentence.  Danny Hebert sighed and sat down on the bed, only to stand just a moment later and resume pacing.

It was three fifteen in the morning, and his daughter Taylor was not in her bedroom.

WHAT. It was indeed a documentary! A documentary that Taylor’s dad was watching! While waiting for his daughter to come home (and her being presumably dealing with the fire demon situation)

What a way to link this to the main story

For the twentieth time, he felt the urge to ask his wife for help, for advice, for support.  But her side of the bed was empty and it had been for some time.  Daily, it seemed, he was struck by the urge to call her cell phone.  He knew it was stupid – she wouldn’t pick up – and if he dwelt on that for too long, he became angry at her, which just made him feel worse.

Oh so Taylor doesn’t have a mom? ):

Poor Taylor and poor Danny... He seems to have regrets... I would say they broke up but the “she wouldn’t pick up” line makes me think she’s dead..

He wondered, even as he knew the answer, why he hadn’t gotten Taylor a cell phone.  Danny didn’t know what his daughter was doing, what would drive her to go out at night.  She wasn’t the type.  He could tell himself that most fathers felt that way about their daughters, but at the same time, he knew.  Taylor wasn’t social.  She didn’t go to parties, she wouldn’t drink, she wasn’t even that interested in champagne when they celebrated the New Year together.

Hmm, Taylor doesn’t have a cellphone? Danny seems to have an issue with them..

Also damn. Taylor did this to free herself from her troubles and start her dreams but didn’t account for how she would make his father feel.... Probably didn’t even think on the possibility that he would wake up and she wouldn’t be there.

Two ominous possibilities kept nagging at him, both too believable.  The first was that Taylor had gone out for fresh air, or even for a run. She wasn’t happy, especially at school, he knew, and exercise was her way of working through it.  He could see her doing it on a Sunday night, with a fresh week at school looming.  He liked that her running made her feel better about herself, that she seemed to be doing it in a reasonable, healthy way. He just hated that she had to do it here, in this neighborhood.  Because here, a skinny girl in her mid-teens was an easy target for attack.  A mugging or worse – he couldn’t even articulate the worst of the possibilities in his own thoughts without feeling physically sick.  If she had gone out at eleven in the evening for a run and hadn’t come back by three in the morning, then it meant something had happened.

Damn, I feel the adult fear Danny is expierencing. Having a daughter to take care of, worring about horrible things happening to her, about her general happiness ...

This is very well written.

He glanced out the window again, at that corner of the house where the pool of illumination beneath the streetlight would let him see her approaching.  Nothing. 

Checking out over and over again to see if she has come back, knowing that each time you look and it isn’t so, it is yet another weight of worry over your weary shoulders....

The second possibility wasn’t much better.  He knew Taylor was being bullied.  Danny had found that out in January, when his little girl had been pulled out of school and taken to the hospital.  Not the emergency room, but the psychiatric ward.  She wouldn’t say by whom, but under the influence of the drugs they had given her to calm down, she had admitted she was being victimized by bullies, using the plural to give him a clue that it was a they and not a he or a she.  She hadn’t mentioned it – the incident or the bullying – since.  If he pushed, she only tensed up and grew more withdrawn.  He had resigned himself to letting her reveal the details in her own time, but months had passed without any hints or clues being offered.

Oh god, they bullied her so bad she went to the phychiatric ward??? What the hell!??

Oh my god those three fucking monsters. And Danny has been tormenting himself over all this since! Wanting to help but not wanting to intrude in such personal matters...

There was precious little Danny could do on the subject, either.  He had threatened to sue the school after his daughter had been taken to the hospital, and the school board had responded by settling, paying her hospital bills and promising they would look out for her to prevent such events from occurring in the future. It was a feeble promise made by a chronically overworked staff and it didn’t do a thing to ease his worries.  His efforts to have her change schools had been stubbornly countered with rules and regulations about the maximum travel times a student was allowed to have between home and a given school.  The only other school within a reasonable distance of Taylor’s place of residence was Arcadia High, and it was already desperately overcrowded with more than two hundred students on a list requesting admittance.

Ugh schools being so useless is also very realistic, sadly....

It sucks and everyone refuses to help.

With all that in mind, when his daughter disappeared until the middle of the night, he couldn’t shake the idea that the bullies might have lured her out with blackmail, threats or empty promises.  He only knew about the one incident, the one that had landed her in the hospital, but it had been grotesque.  It had been implied, but never elaborated on, that more had been going on.  He could imagine these boys or girls that were tormenting his daughter, egging one another on as they came up with more creative ways to humiliate or harm her.  Taylor hadn’t said as much aloud, but whatever had been going on had been mean, persistent and threatening enough that Emma, Taylor’s closest friend for years, had stopped spending time with her.  It galled him.

Aaaaaa, if you only knew!!! This is so sadly ironic, Emma’s got more to do with this than you are even aware of...

And what the hell did they do that time???

Impotent.  Danny was helpless where it counted.  There was no action he could take – his one call to the police at two in the morning had only earned him a tired explanation that the police couldn’t act or look for her without something more to go on.  If his daughter was still gone after twelve hours, he’d been told, he should call them again.  All he could do was wait and pray with his heart in his throat that the phone wouldn’t ring, a police officer or nurse on the other end ready to tell him what had happened to his daughter.

Ugh, what he is living though is just... awful.

He’s completely helpless to her daughter when she might be in need (or at least that’s what he thinks) and he’s waiting for a phone call telling him that something terrible has happened, and for his life to stop making sense.

Fuck

The slightest of vibrations in the house marked the escape of the warm air in the house to the cold outdoors, and there was a muffled whoosh as the kitchen door shut again.  Danny Hebert felt a thrill of relief coupled with abject fear.  If he went downstairs to find his daughter, would he find her hurting or hurt?  Or would his presence make things worse, her own father seeing her at her most vulnerable after humiliation at the hands of bullies?  She had told him, in every way except articulating it aloud, that she didn’t want that.  She had pleaded with him, with body language and averted eye contact, unfinished sentences and things left unsaid, not to ask, not to push, not to see, when it came to the bullying.  He couldn’t say why, exactly.  Home was an escape from that, he’d suspected, and if he recognized the bullying, made it a reality here, maybe she wouldn’t have that relief from it. Perhaps it was shame, that his daughter didn’t want him to see her like that, didn’t want to be that weak in front of him.  He really hoped that wasn’t the case.

Oh Taylor has returned after the Armsmaster talk!! Yess

And now Danny doesn’t know if to approach her for if he sees her in her weakest moment, he thinks it would break his daughter even more

Damn being Danny is suffering, at least today! Worse thing is, Taylor must be feeling realtively happy after being owed a favour by a famous hero and helping stop a villain...

So he ran his fingers through his hair once more and sat down on the corner of the bed, elbows on his knees, hands on his head, and stared at his closed bedroom door.  His ears were peeled for the slightest clue. The house was old, and it hadn’t been a high quality building when it had been new, so the walls were thin and the structure prone to making noise at every opportunity.  There was the faintest sound of a door closing downstairs.  The bathroom?  It wouldn’t be the basement door, with no reason for her to go down there, and he couldn’t imagine it was a closet, because after two or three minutes, the same door opened and closed again.

It was probably the basement, to hide her costume again.

After something banged on the kitchen counter, there was little but the occasional groan of floorboards.  Five or ten minutes after she had come in, there was the rhythmic creak of the stairs as she ascended. Danny thought about clearing his throat to let her know he was awake and available should she knock on his door, but decided against it.  He was being cowardly, he thought, as if his clearing of his throat would give reality to his fears.

Her door shut carefully, almost inaudibly, with the slightest tap of door on doorframe.  Danny stood, abruptly, opening his door, ready to cross the hall and knock on her door.  To verify that his daughter was okay.

Aaaaaa this hurts! If only you could talk to each other! The worse part is I know Taylor would be distressed if Danny tried to talk with her! She would worry about her cover being blown, about having to explain herself or even just about making her father worry!

He was stopped by the smell of jam and toast.  She had made a late night snack.  It filled him with relief.  He couldn’t imagine his daughter, after being mugged, tormented or humiliated, coming home to have toast with jam as a snack.  Taylor was okay, or at least, okay enough to be left alone.

He let out a shuddering sigh of relief and retreated to his room to sit on the bed.

Yes!! At least now he has some proof that things are somewhat ok : D

Relief became anger.  He was angry at Taylor, for making him worry, and then not even going out of her way to let him know she was okay.  He felt a smouldering resentment towards the city, for having neighborhoods and people he couldn’t trust his daughter to.  He hated the bullies that preyed on his daughter.  Underlying it all was frustration with himself.  Danny Hebert was the one person he could control in all of this, and Danny Hebert had failed to do anything that mattered.  He hadn’t gotten answers, hadn’t stopped the bullies, hadn’t protected his daughter.  Worst of all was the idea that this might have happened before, with him simply sleeping through it rather than laying awake.

Damn, this still hurts.

Danny you are a good father, you worry about your daughter so much. Don’t hate yourself for feeling useless. It’s a bad situation overall.

He stopped himself from walking into his daughter’s room, from shouting at her and demanding answers, even if it was what he wanted, more than anything.  Where had she been, what had she been doing?  Was she hurt? Who were these people that were tormenting her?  He knew that by confronting her and getting angry at her, he would do more harm than good, would threaten to sever any bond of trust they had forged between them.

He wants to be more of a father, to demand answers and try to protect her, to see if she’s doing something self-destructive or dangerous, but he’s afraid that he’ll lose her if he does that. That their bond will be irreparably damaged...

Danny’s father had been a powerful, heavyset man, and Danny hadn’t gotten any of those genes.  Danny had been a nerd when the term was still young in popular culture, stick thin, awkward, short sighted, glasses, bad fashion sense.  What he had inherited was his father’s famous temper.  It was quick to rise and startling in its intensity.   Unlike his father, Danny had only ever hit someone in anger twice, both times when he was much younger.  That said, just like his father, he could and would go off on tirades that would leave people shaking.   Danny had long viewed the moment he’d started to see himself as a man, an adult, to be the point in time where he had sworn to himself that he wouldn’t ever lose his temper with his family.  He wouldn’t pass that on to his child the way his father had to him.

“Unlike his father”... Oh

Oh no.

Danny you are not him, you are better than him. You seem like a wonderful man!

Seems Taylor inherited her tall, thin physique from him.

He had never broken that oath with Taylor, and knowing that was what kept him contained in his room, pacing back and forth, red in the face and wanting to punch something.  While he’d never gotten angry at her, never screamed at her, he knew Taylor had seen him angry.  Once, he had been at work, talking to a mayor’s aide.  The man had told Danny that the revival projects for the Docks were being cancelled and that, contrary to promises, there were to be layoffs rather than new jobs for the already beleaguered Dockworkers.  Taylor had been spending the morning in his office on the promise that they would go out for the afternoon, and had been in a position to see him fly off the handle in the worst way with the man.  Four years ago, he had lost his temper with Annette for the first time, breaking his oath to himself.  That had been the last time he had seen her.  Taylor hadn’t been there to see him shouting at her mother, but he was fairly certain she’d heard some of it.  It shamed him.

This makes it seem like they broke up. but.. if she really is dead... what a final conversation to have, angry with each other. No wonder he seems to have a lot of regrets with all of that. And with Taylor seeing him like he saw his father as well...

The third and last time that he had lost his temper where Taylor had been in a position to know had been when she had been hospitalized following the incident in January.  He’d screamed at the school’s principal, who had deserved it, and at Taylor’s then-Biology teacher, who probably hadn’t.  It had been bad enough that a nurse had threatened to call for a police officer, and Danny, barely mollified, had stomped from the hallway to the hospital room to find his daughter more or less conscious and wide eyed in reaction.  Danny harbored a deep fear that the reason Taylor hadn’t offered any details on the bullying was out of fear he would, in blind rage, do something about it.  It made him feel sick, the notion that he might have contributed something to his daughter’s self imposed isolation in how she was dealing with her problems.

He’s probably right about that, that Taylor doesn’t want his father involved...

January seemed a horrific month for them both.

It took Danny a long time to calm down, helped by telling himself over and over that Taylor was okay, that she was home, that she was safe.  It was something of a blessing that, as the anger faded, he felt drained.  He climbed into the left side of the bed, leaving the right side empty out of a habit he’d yet to break, and pulled the covers up around himself.

He would talk to Taylor in the morning.  Get an answer of some sort.

The space he leaves for Taylor’s mom   )):

Things will be better in the morning, sleep it off for now...

Also I wonder how Taylor will explain herself. Maybe she’s thinking about that.

He dreamed of the ocean.

We started this chapter with the ocean, and we seem to end on it, how poetic.

One ocean the scenery for a sight that would change the world forever, and the other a moment of peace in a storm of anxiety.

This interlude was incredibly good.

[mythanklessexistence]

Kool Skool (01) Teriyaki Asthma Session

Mythanklessexistence.tumbler.com – Session(1)

I found Chuck, freshman year at college.  We had a bunch of things in common… skating, skiing, surfing, mountain biking and most importantly the love of PUNK ROCK!!!  Thank GOD!!! Millersville was quite a cultural black hole, back in the late 80’s.  We ditched our roommates after Christmas Break and first thing ya know, Chuck and I are settling in to our cave of a dorm room.  That’s when he started getting tapes sent to him, from his High School best friend, who went to the University of Washington in Seattle.  It was a direct link into the Seattle music scene. Live & Direct... from his record collection, radio air tapes he recorded for us from local DJ radio shows, and even occasional freebie samplers direct from Seattle!!  What?.  By 1988/89 I wanted everything that came out of that arena… Sub Pop, Am-Rep, Estrus, C/Z, Glitterhouse, 1/ 4 Stick, Boner, Touch & Go, Alternative Tentacles, etc… what an era for original music.  Especially as eclectic music scenes where co-existing and erupting all around the country!

That was how I met Bill Tormas, after venturing into his seminal Lancaster, PA record store – Web of Sound.  He was very curious about how we knew so much about that scene, as he too was just discovering it and bringing in everything, he could for the store… it was a truly amazing experience, trust me.  There isn’t a scenester in that town that doesn’t owe a debt of gratitude to that man. He was the first.  He was the first one that went through that proverbial BRICK-WALL of Mennonite/Amish/PA Dutch conservative thick-headedness.  But damn was he cool and did he have an ear, head and taste for music and people!!  He could talk a douchey rich dude into being a juke box 45 collector to the must fuzzed out stoner dude$30 imports and everything in between.  He was sweet too – really cared about your experience with music and he was quite the gateway!!

Most of these singles where purchased around that era at his shop.  Some I just drooled at and had to hunt down once I got some cash in my pocket. So… KOOL SKOOL is sort of me recreating Bill’s distinctive “The Web” experience in honor of that great store, man and musical era!!  Sharing tunes, I enjoy and think you may have interest in, and then following the spider web out of the C/Z arena into its web of connections throughout the scenes across the country of that era.

Tonight, we started with the second release in the Teriyaki Asthma 7” Vinyl series.  ALERT – this entire series is available on a CD, or Vinyl LP collection – check it out here, I love Discogs, but I Really Love record stores (Shop Local): https://www.discogs.com/Various-Teriyaki-Asthma-Vols-I-V/master/41161

VOLUME II starts us off with Amorphous Head, playing Lonely Lonely and Hullabaloo with, Kill your Parents. Next, we threw VOLUME Four on the deck and played one of the iconic tracks from this series – Alice Donut’s, Mrs Hayes… I can still remember the first time Bill played this song for me – SOLD. He brought them to the Chameleon shortly after this for a “Business Person’s Special” Friday Night early show, that just BLEW the doors off the place, making us all fans.  The 2nd song is of equal caliber – it’s Gwym by Vexed. Then it’s back to the OG platter – TE Vol II for the second side with Pitbull Babysitter’s – The Head Talks Cheese b/w Hold On, by My Name.  What a killer side this is too!!  Back to deck two and TE Vol Four for one of the unsung heroes of that scene and era – Icky Joey for Josephine b/w God’s Acre – Wood.  Seriously check out some of the other God’s Acre releases for some real strong recordings of the scene and it’s sound.

Moving on, we throw down Teriyaki Asthma Vol VI with one of Seattle’s most obnoxious punk/noise bands – The Thrown Ups with Walrus Head.  Def a must check out, is some of the Thrown Ups stuff on Am-Rep.  The second song is also one that Bill turned me onto when he first pointed out Olivelawn, back when they first hit the shelves.  Freaking A, are they awesome!!  Key to the band in my mind is the ensuing friendship and sheer brilliance of Eddie Glass, from Fu Manchu and in later in my world – Nebula. Several times they came to the area and played shows in York and Baltimore with my band PORTER.  I really loved my time spent with those dudes.  Nebula’s drummer, Ruben is definitely one of the top five drummers born out of that era – if not thee best and a real great dude!! Hope someday to get to Cali and share some tasty waves with him and my new friend Ben a pretty good surfer from Cali, I met via Puerto Rico and my nieces wedding back in February.  

So that’s when we started a run on Olivelawn 7” ‘s.  First went the 1990 ish release from insta-noise records with Side A featuring: Instant Punk Rock Song and b/w a killer tune – Mom’s Farm.  Mixed in on the other deck was the Nemesis 7” with The Cat’s Meow and another version of Mom’s Farm.

That slab was followed by another Olivelawn – Nemesis release – 4 is greater than 2 and the tunes Whale Finger & Signed DC.  The last disc in the Olivelawn tribute is the Sympathy for the Record Industry 1991 release of the tune – Beautiful Feeling on side A and Carvin is the Devil’s Paintbrush as the B-Side.  That Olivelawn jag end by taking us back to the TA Vol VI record for the Pain-Teens with Come Up and See Me Sometime, b/w with a great tune from Unrest entitled – Caitlin Bums(?)

So I’m not exactly sure where the Instagram Live shut down, so the rest of my original set included the Teriyaki Asthma Vol. VII with it’s A-Side of Poster Children’s, It’s True and Hammerbox’s, Promise to Never.  The B-Side has two killer voices of the “Indy Rock” scene that was starting to filter over into the punk & noise scene, Superchunk with the rocking tune, Sister and the lovely band – Tsunami.  Since the moment I first heard the first note and beat from this band. I was in love!! Just awesome!!! Their tune Punk Means Cuddle was to be the Segway into a Tsunami jag with their Simple Machines release with the tunes: Flameproof Suit, World Tour and Ski Trip on the A Side. The B Side has Kickball Babe w/Candyman.

I hope you enjoyed checking out these records as much as I enjoyed collecting and listening to them.  Thanks for the memories, for sure!!  Buy more Porn Orchard records… seriously!!!!  See ya round…  

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

hi! I am one of your fans on ao3. I love your immortal Lily series and I just can't stop thinking about a crossover of "Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus" and "When Harry Met Tom". Sorry to bother you but I am so curious. Would you please tell me what may possibly happen if Lily and Wizard Lenin meet Harry and Tom?

Glad you enjoy my work so much.

Well, the way I see it, this can happen two ways. The first, Lily and Wizard Lenin mysteriously end up in the “When Harry Met Tom” warped timeline (as always I blame Rabbit) or else Harry and Tom end up in “Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus” (I blame Harry’s bottomless stupidity).

Lily and Wizard Lenin Mess Up “When Harry Met Tom”: 

In the first case Lily would either try and fail to get the pair of them into Hogwarts (much to Wizard Lenin’s irritation) or else would say, “To hell with Hogwarts! I’ve already been in the 1990′s I don’t need to go in this weird version of the 1940′s dimension”. So, as a result, Lily and Wizard Lenin probably end up sitting around Hogsmeade a few days wondering what the hell they’re going to do now. 

Wizard Lenin, not simply being lost in time but dimensions as well, probably officially gives up at this point. Either Lily bullshits them home (which isn’t happening because reasons) or else they have to do something dangerously unknown and stupid like walking through the veil of death (and Wizard Lenin likes being alive). So, to get him out of his sudden alcoholic stupor and general “woe is me, life is pointless, I have to live in an era where I went through puberty all over again” Lily probably suggests that they can start from scratch. They’re still in an England, after all, and Wizard Lenin wasn’t really attached to anything in the 1990′s. It may take a while, but they can just pick up his world dominating schemes here. Conveniently some dark lord of the day named Grindelwald, whose hair looks oddly like coleslaw gone bad, has done ¾ of their work for them.

Naturally, having the literal god that is Lily on his side who has natural right to the elder wand, Wizard Lenin and Lily anticlimactically defeat Grindelwald and take over his forces with their eyes set on England. The true seat of Wizard Lenin’s non-existant empire.

Also naturally, Wizard Lenin is moody and ambivalent as he likes the idea of ruling Western Europe but not so much the reality and he likes the reality that Lily could easily do it on a much faster scale than he ever could even less. So, moody brooding Wizard Lenin is moody and brooding.

Harry, meanwhile, who has been at Hogwarts this whole time trying and failing not to make ways in her teenage narcissism falsely concludes that whatever actions she’s taken at Hogwarts have somehow led to the premature defeat of Grindelwald and the rise of this new dark lord out of absolutely nowhere (details on Wizard Lenin hanging around in France being sparse at this point).

Feeling absurdly guilty as well as her need to fix everything. Harry decides to drop out of Hogwarts and go confront this mysterious dark wizard who was powerful enough to utterly destroy Gellert Grindelwald.

Tom, being a fool in love and denial, rushes out with her damning his education to hell in order to prevent her inevitable gruesome demise. Harry is unappreciative and unimpressed but can’t seem to shake him and really can’t afford to get him killed (the future has plans for Tom Marvolo Riddle after all). 

Harry likely plans some very stupid kind of ambush with Tom trying to make it less stupid (though infinitely more cowardly) and bringing up the very good points of, “This really really really is not your responsibility, Harry”. However, probably around this point, Wizard Lenin makes a public appearance giving some ridiculous speech without any heart in it (that still gets rapturous applause as he’s just so damn pretty and charismatic it hurts) with Lily at his side and Harry realizes things have gone to funky town and back.

Tom Marvolo Riddle, it seems, has time traveled back to the past as well as Harry and like the Terminator is undoubtedly trying to stop her from doing whatever she’s doing to stop him (which makes him more Kyle Evans than the Terminator, but we’ll ignore that). Worse, he’s brought her underage mother along with him. And for reasons Harry can’t quite figure out, they’ve taken over France.

Harry naturally feels very betrayed by Tom, who was turning out to be less terrible than she’d assumed, while he’s just very weirded out by the whole thing and has no explanation himself (except he thinks time travel’s right out). He concludes, hesitantly, that that man up there may be his father. Tom then remembers his daydreams of grandeur and legacy, of a father who isn’t from the white trash Gaunts, and his ego explodes all over the place as he is now, in his mind, crown prince of this new magical empire. Naturally, he now must meet this man and adore him/rant at him for leaving him in that goddamned orphanage for sixteen years when he had the time to pick up that red-head girl standing with him.

Seeing what the king looks like, Tom proposes a new plan, he’ll take an aging potion (which should get him to look eerily like the newly crowned emperor of the magical holy roman empire) and take Harry in with him. This should get them past any low level guards and they’ll make their way in. This is just the kind of desperate idiocy that appeals to Harry, and while she doesn’t like Tom Riddle coming along in any capacity, agrees with the thought that she may have to destroy him in the past in order to prevent his time travelling future self from being here and taking over everything.

On their way in, they’re confronted by Lily, who quickly figures them out and is also very weirded out by what she correctly realizes is a time travelling biological sister of sorts and a Wizard Trotsky aged Tom Riddle. Lily has a lot more experience with this wibbly wobbly timey whimey bullshit than either Tom or Harry. 

Lily then decides that this has to be taken up to Wizard Lenin, no matter how depressed he is, and maybe acting as a mentor for his alternate younger self will somehwo cheer him up (since the prospect of crushing all of Albus Dumbledore’s hopes and dreams doesn’t appear to be doing the trick). 

Neither Harry nor Tom expected it to be this easy, but Lily has the ins they need, and soon enough they find themselves meeting Wizard Lenin who is already so past done he can’t even see the point where he was done anymore.

Naturally the most ridiculous conversation ever recorded is had at this point in which each party member is coming from it at very different angles. Tom is hurt and betrayed by the prospect of his cool dad abandoning him for so many years yet equally yearning for that idea of paternal guidance, Harry is increasingly confused and alarmed by the idea that this older Tom Riddle isn’t acting like Voldemort and doesn’t seem to recognize her at all (worse the girl she assumed was her mother is very much not her mother) which means that Harry has really gone and screwed things up, Lily is trying to rouse Wizard Lenin from his bout of depression via ridiculousness, and Wizard Lenin hates the very idea of his teenage self and is very tempted to murder the poor boy just to wipe all memory of Tom Marovlo Riddle from existence.

Lily forces things into a state of peace, offers to continue Harry and Tom’s education (since they now certainly can’t go back to Britain), which Wizard Lenin of course balks at knowing full well how capable Lily is at teaching the children, and schemes to give Wizard Lenin and Tom some good quality father and son bonding while she gets closer to the sister she never knew she had.

Both of these ventures go fantastically poorly.

Tom and Wizard Lenin grow to loathe each other with every passing moment. Wizard Lenin realizes Tom is hopelessly infatuated with what he sees as Lily Lite, has little to no perspective, and is an overemotional mess. Tom, for his own part, sees that Wizard Lenin and Lily are alarmingly close, sees Lily as a more crass Harry with absolutely no sense of propriety, and finds his older counterpart passionless and pathetic.

Harry and Lily, similarly, completely fail to see eye to eye and despite getting over the time travel hurdle rather quickly (Lily having figured it out in a second) realize they have vastly different world views. Lily cares greatly for the fate and happiness of a select few, but has no loyalty to the world or any noble cause. Lily would gladly let the muggleborn population suffer if it meant Wizard Lenin’s happiness, she doesn’t believe it does, but she’ll let him figure that out for himself. Harry, naturally, is horrified by this as she’s the opposite. She cares greatly for the world as a whole but has more trouble connecting to people individually and will allow her relationships to fray in the face of just cause. That, and Harry likes quidditch, which is clearly unforgiveable.

Wizard Lenin and Lily likely then meet, going over their various disappointments and what they might have expected. They conclude that they gave it a good try but maybe it’s just time to go and take over England already. Or, you know, go on vacation or something. Lily’s always wanted to go and terraform the moon, you know.

Harry and Tom have a similar moment, probably being angsty teens that they are give into hormones after Tom says something ridiculous yet romantic. They’re then abruptly thrown out of the palace by Lily who tells them good luck and good riddance and if they’re looking for England it’s across the channel.

Harry and Tom enter the chaos that is “Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus:

Via ancient magical ritual gone terribly wrong, prancing fairies, or what have you Harry and Tom find themselves whisked to the wrong future. Harry, naturally at first is delighted (and panicked as Tom isn’t supposed to be here) then really panicked as Tom being here seems to have changed everything. Tom, meanwhile, is just hopelessly confused and alarmed realizing that his future has passed by in a blink of an eye.

In a hopeless daze of depression the pair try to enter Hogwarts. Dumbledore, on meeting them, is alarmed and confused but for his own purposes that are filled with so many spoilers we’re not going to touch them, allows them entrance into Hogwarts.

There they meet what Harry figures is the her that somehow comes about with Tom Riddle MIA for fifty years. Although why Tom Riddle disappearing would produce red hair is beyond her. Naturally Harry wants to know and compare herself against this alternate self and quickly finds herself frustrated and alarmed as Lily is… Lily. Lily is at once vastly more powerful than Harry, far more intelligent, but callous and indifferent to the fate of the world. This Harry clearly does not have a people saving thing, Harry concludes.

Lily, meanwhile, is weirded out but again figures it out fairly quickly being a connoiseur of the strange and unnatural. She tries to judge what kind of Tom Riddle she’ll be dealing with today as well as what her other self might have up her sleeve and want. Lily reports back to Wizard Lenin but also endeavors to keep an eye on the pair as, if they’re anything like her, then Harry is undyingly loyal to Tom and Tom Riddle has plans for this place that will not align with Wizard Lenin’s or the good of Hogwarts.

Harry tries and fails to befriend her old buddies, who are for one reason or another in Lily’s camp, and only manages to get close to Ron who for the most part hisses and spits about Eleanor Lily Potter and how he once thought she was so cool.

Tom is mistaken frequently for Lenin Rabbitson’s dark haired evil twin, or else Lenin Rabbitson with a dye job, and finds himself very annoyed while also intrigued by this and does some digging into the Rabbitson brother’s mysterious and horrific past (told by Wizard Lenin in Defense one day in an effort to shut Lockhart up already). 

He also tries and fails to figure out who picked up the mantle of Voldemort if he himself wasn’t there. Eventually he finds Tom’s special award for the school and NEWT exam records, and realizes that somehow, a Tom Riddle was in fact left behind even as he was whisked ahead. He has this mysterious doppelganger out there stealing his name and his future. Tom doesn’t take this well.

Lily tries and fails to befriend the pair, working on assumptions that just aren’t true, and eventually ends in a kind of uneasy truce with the pair of them as they realize that to learn anything of importance all of them have to get closer to one another.

Wizard Lenin, stressed from his ongoing campaign while also intrigued, probably sets up a meeting to meet the pair for himself. During a Hogsmeade trip he meets Tom Riddle and it’s a very surreal encounter in which, according to magical lore, Tom Riddle is facing the omen of his own demise. They end up dueling to the death.

Harry and Lily end up intervening, each taking their respective Tom Riddle’s side, and the story would then likely end with this faceoff unresolved.

TL;DR

None of them would get along at all.

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

Sun Myung Moon could have spent a second spell in a US jail in 2007 – for encouraging poaching baby leopard sharks

Moon is no stranger to lawbreaking — he served thirteen months in prison in the 1980s for federal tax evasion and obstruction of justice.

Sun Myung Moon encouraged Bay Area Pastor Kevin Thompson by saying, “You need twenty boats out there fishing!”

Thompson was jailed for a year; he and his partners were fined $400,000 as part of their sentence.

In a non-prosecution agreement, $500,000 was donated by HSA-UWC (Unification Church of America).

“The world’s largest baby-leopard-shark poaching ring” was broken up. The fish are also known as tiger or cat sharks.

In a sermon given on August 17, 2003 by Kevin Thompson (above) captured on audiotape, Thompson said he personally informed the True Father [Rev. Moon] about the shark enterprise. “When I had the chance to tell our founder Reverend Moon about it … he told me, you know, ‘You need twenty boats out there fishing!’” he boasted. “He had this big plan drawn out, you know.” Thompson, a Brit who speaks with a northern accent, also said he had to convince the excited Moon not to expand the operation, apparently out of fear that it would attract notice.

In the same sermon he said, “We want the smaller the better.” Taking sharks less than 36 inches was banned in 1994 – which Thompson clearly knew by 2003. 

Prosecutors said federal wildlife agents seized sharks ranging from 8 1/2 inches to 17 1/2 inches in length.

Animal cruelty Some of Thompson’s sharks died in transit. Federal investigators know the fate of at least 101 sharks sold by his shark ring. Those pups were put in large water-filled plastic bags, which were stuffed into cardboard shipping boxes and flown on a commercial airliner to an Illinois dealer. The bags, however, apparently contained insufficient water and oxygen, and the pups suffocated. Investigators tracked down 190 air shipments via only three airlines between 1996 and 2004, but there were probably more than double that number. Shipments by other means were not investigated.

One of Thompson’s fishermen told authorities his record single-day catch was 202.

Leopard sharks grow to 6-8 feet in length – as they grow almost all owners have to get rid of their sharks, usually by killing them.

Kevin Thompson’s wife, Masako, was the bookkeeper for the operation.

__________________________________

East Bay Express   July 12, 2006

The Moonies and the Sharks

How a Unification Church pastor went fishing for converts and snagged an indictment as America’s most prolific poacher of baby leopard sharks.

Kevin Thompson is the pastor at San Leandro’s Bay Area Family Church [part of the Family Federation for World Peace and Unification].

By Robert Gammon

… If attempts by Kevin Thompson and his cohorts to disguise their activities are any indication, it’s clear they knew for years that they were breaking the law. In 1994, the state Legislature banned the taking of juvenile leopard sharks — defined as those less than 36 inches long. Environmentalists had been fretting that overfishing the sharks before they were old enough to reproduce would eventually lead to their demise. Nonetheless, it was easy for Thompson’s ring to escape detection while shipping baby sharks as small as eight inches. According to court documents, the reverend and his helpers would simply mark the boxes “live tropical fish.” …

But the most damning details, as far the Unification Church was concerned, came from John Newberry, who was eighteen when he started shark fishing with Thompson. For decades, Moon and his top disciples have prided themselves in keeping church-connected businesses legally separate from church activities. When questioned, they have repeatedly maintained that even though church members own and operate the businesses, there are no formal ties to the church. But Newberry pierced that veil when he revealed that he and Thompson stowed their fishing poles, line, hooks, and bait, along with three of the church’s shark boats, at the San Leandro sushi warehouse owned by True World Foods. Newberry also disclosed that at the rear of the True World property was a large shack where they kept their live baby leopard sharks.

Full story:

http://www.eastbayexpress.com/oakland/the-moonies-and-the-sharks/Content?oid=1081440&showFullText=true

__________________________________

▲ Sun Myung Moon fishing

FFWPU attorneys cut a non-prosecution agreement with the U.S. Attorney in San Francisco.

The 2007 case involved Ocean Church, part of HSA-UWC, and the alleged illegal capture of thousands of undersized – under 36 inches in length – leopard sharks out of the San Francisco Bay and selling them to aquarium dealers in the U.S., the United Kingdom, and the Netherlands.

As part of the deal, HSA-UWC founded by Sun Myung Moon, agreed to pay the government $500,000.

May we see a copy of the agreement?

No you may not, the U.S. Attorney’s office says.

Why not?

The parties agreed the agreement would not be made public.

https://www.corporatecrimereporter.com/secretsettlements022009.htm

__________________________________

Prosecutors Net Leopard-Shark Smugglers

February 13, 2007

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7379593

AUDIO of Kevin Thompson available here

Federal officials have broken up a major wildlife smuggling ring led by a pastor at a San Francisco Bay area church. The smugglers pulled thousands of baby leopard sharks from the bay, then sold the live sharks to pet stores and private buyers around the world.

Authorities say the operation began many years ago. About that time, the weekly sermon at the Ocean Church in San Leandro, Calif., was devoted to an unusual topic: pet sharks.

“For the past 13 years, Ocean Church has had this little shark business,” Pastor Kevin Thompson said. “We catch these baby sharks, this big. And we sell them to pet stores, live.”

Thompson’s products were baby leopard sharks fresh from the San Francisco Bay. Customers paid up to $40 for each of the one- to two-foot sharks. Fish collectors loved them for their big dark spots and the elegant way they glided through the water.

But the business wasn’t legal. Earlier this year, Thompson and five other men pleaded guilty to wildlife smuggling and Thompson was sentenced to a year in jail.

Federal officials say Thompson ran a poaching gang that may have removed as many as 10,000 baby leopard sharks from San Francisco Bay.

At a press conference at the Monterey Bay Aquarium Monday, Lisa Nichols of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, said the poachers caught hundreds of sharks a day during the breeding season.

“A majority of them would just fish, hook ‘em, bring 'em in,” Nichols said. “If you’re out there in the dark and nobody checks you, you take it back to your truck and you’re gone. If somebody shows up, they get dumped in the water and the evidence is gone.”

The ring began to fall apart in 2003, when a smuggling expert with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration saw a baby leopard shark that was for sale on a website and started asking questions. The investigation led him to the Ocean Church and Pastor Thompson [of the Family Federation for World Peace and Unification] and his partners, some who also happened to be his parishioners.

Monday, Nichols and other officials closed the book on this investigation by unveiling a $1.5 million plan to restore some the marshes where the leopard sharks give birth. More than $400,000 will come from Thompson and his partners as part of their sentence, and $500,000 will be donated by the Unification Church of America, to which the Ocean Church belongs. The rest of the money will come from foundations and conservation groups.

Lisa Nichols says the prosecution has helped drive other leopard shark poachers out of the business.

“Once we started openly prosecuting people in this case — after the investigation was at a certain level — word spread fairly quickly in the industry,” Nichols said. “Working undercover I tried to make attempts to buy in the last year and it’s pretty much shut down.”

Towards the end, according to investigators, some of these poachers asked their preacher whether they were doing the right thing. He responded, allegedly, that the poaching was God’s will.

After Monday’s press conference, Mike Murray said there are many reasons why the trade in baby leopard sharks should never be allowed to recover. One: that baby sharks don’t stay that way for long.

“They become very large: six, seven, eight feet in length,” said Murray, a Monterey Bay Aquarium staff veterinarian. “That’s a big fish.”

Too big, he says, for the fish tank in your living room.

East Bay Express  July 12, 2006

The Moonies and the Sharks

Fishing was fundamental to Reverend Kevin Thompson’s ministry, but he kept catching the wrong kind. The easy part was luring young people to the shimmering waters of San Francisco Bay. Thompson and a few of his followers would load the teens onto the church’s boat, pull out the angling gear, and start talking about God and committing oneself to the Reverend Sun Myung Moon. “In the context of our church, we try to use boats as a training place for young people,” Thompson later explained to authorities. But the reverend said he and the hundreds of teens he took fishing over the years kept snagging fish they didn’t want. “We’d catch these sharks,” he said.

Leopard sharks, also known as tiger or cat sharks, are plentiful in the bay, and at some point in the early 1990s, Thompson and one of his followers realized they could make a lot of money if they stopped throwing them back in the water. Thompson learned that baby leopard sharks were a prized commodity on the black market. Pet dealers would pay handsomely for the exotic and beautiful fish, then sell them to people for their home aquariums.

Over the next decade, Thompson and a few of his fellow Unification Church members hauled at least six thousand of the sharks from the bay, according to an account one of his followers gave to federal investigators. Thompson admitted he sold the animals to wholesale pet dealers, who shipped them around the world. Earlier this year, authorities estimated the street value of the church’s operation at more than $1.2 million, making it the biggest baby-leopard-shark poaching ring environmentalists and federal investigators had ever encountered.

In January, a federal grand jury in Oakland indicted Thompson, two of his followers, and three shark dealers on felony charges. According to court documents, Thompson and several cohorts have confessed to at least some of their crimes, one of the dealers pled guilty last month, and the pastor, who is out on bail and has returned to preaching at his San Leandro church, faces up to eight years in prison. …

Full story:

http://www.eastbayexpress.com/oakland/the-moonies-and-the-sharks/Content?oid=1081440&showFullText=true

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Moon’s church to pay in shark poaching

February 13, 2007

https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2007-feb-13-me-sharks13-story.html

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Sushi and Rev. Moon

By Monica Eng, Delroy Alexander and David Jackson

Chicago Tribune staff reporters   April 11, 2006

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/watchdog/chi-0604sushi-1-story-story.html

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Sun Myung Moon was found guilty of US tax fraud and sent to Danbury prison in 1984

Guilty Moon. Law firm was paid $100,000 up front and $50,000 a month to obtain a presidential pardon for Moon. It failed.

Sun Myung Moon was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in 2002

Four years in jail for corruption for the publisher of Moon’s Autobiography in Korea. Slush funds used only for book purchasing of the ‘Autobiography’ to push it up the best-seller lists exceeded 2 billion won. It was fraud.

In 1985 the Washington Times sponsored a fund for the Contras who committed atrocities, and trafficked drugs to the US