#i genuinely think the way i view love and romance is skewed and broken but oh well!

[randomositycat]

In love with the moon and moon dynamic they have really... neither of them are especially extroverted and have secrets aplenty,

They hardly say what they mean but are consice when doing so anyways.

It's nice.

[runwiththerain]

when does sirius figure that he’s aroace(/that he doesn’t feel the same about romance and sex as his friends)

psa this is talking about canon sirius

firstly, i feel like sirius has always had a skewed point of view on love because of what was displayed by his parents in his childhood. he believes love is conditional and that you can earn it, in fact, he believes you have to earn it. (this is part of why his relationship with regulus isn't as close as the fandom perceives, he doesn't think regulus has earnt his love or vice versa.) in first year that belief starts to be deconstructed by james loving him unconditionally and what he learns about james' parents.

in third year is when sirius first thinks something is wrong with him. james is obsessed with lily and he just doesn't understand why. peter was asked out by a hufflepuff and they go on a date and sirius doesn't understand why pete would say yes to someone he doesn't know well. he still struggles to believe that you don't have to work for love and he also fails to understand the concept of attraction.

in fourth year both sirius and remus can't sleep and sirius starts going on a rant about how he doesn't understand how james and pete want to go out with girls and not spend time with remus and himself anymore. so remus asks him if he's gay and he says yes. that must be it. and pleads remus not to tell anyone.

fifth year has girls asking sirius out left and right but he says no to all of them. in the first half of the year, the day after a full moon he and remus are talking after he had brought some chocolate to him and remus finally confesses his crush on sirius. sirius doesn't understand why you would like someone like that but is too afraid to hurt remus' feelings and split the group apart so he fakes attraction back. the prank happens at the end of fifth year and that's how remus and sirius break up. their relationship was messy enough, trying to hide it and sirius trying to give remus the romantic and sexual love he wants. sirius and the rest of the marauders stop talking and he leaves for the summer break ostracised.

james and lily start dating at the start of sixth year and james can't stop talking about how wonderful lily is and all the dates they go on and sirius catches james and lily having sex in their dorm too many times. peter is dating sybill trelawney and sirius is over it, he just wants the marauders to go back to the way they were in the earlier years. he's still awkward around remus and their relationship never truly fixes itself. at the end of the sixth year he goes home to find regulus getting his dark mark and is completely over his family and everything that's gone on with the marauders and relationships during the years. he packs a trunk and heads to the potters and breaks down in effie's arms saying that he doesn't understand love.

i genuinely think sirius could live his whole life without knowing what aromanticism and asexuality is but i'll give this a happy enough ending anyway.

throughout seventh year the marauders, lily, mary and marlene get closer because of their ongoing fears about the war. marlene had always been a close friend of sirius, even staying by him during the aftermath of the prank, and their friendship had always been queer, even including marlene letting him know she was a lesbian in fourth year. he lets marlene know how he's felt over the years and how he just doesn't understand how broken he could be. in return, she lets him know she had a muggle friend who feels similarly and they go by the labels aromantic and asexual. he finally feels a sense of clarity within himself and his lack of attraction and takes on his labels, but because of the upcoming war he never gets a chance to tell the marauders.

[theunconcernedembalmer]

what’s the issue with elisop? is it just bc you hc aesop as ace? im so concerned by seeing ppl adamantly opposed to mlm/wlw ships but im also genuinely curious about why you dislike it and other lgbt ships so much lol

hmm. that is a strong accusation, n i find it just a bit odd. are you new here? or perhaps you are taking personal offense at my dislike towards a favourite ship of yours and using the lgbt argument as moral high ground?

whatever the case may be, i thank you for asking. if u r truly looking for an answer, its below the cut n it is very very long. mind u these are all my personal opinions n i am in no way policing how others enjoy ships. just in case this wasnt clear; i dont wish to start discourse on this blog, especially since my takes are probably... unpopular.

firstly i would like to address the “disliking lgbt ships” bit, because this has very strong implications in itself. i have nothing against lgbt ships. i enjoy them, even. if the two characters have chemistry between each other, i ship it. however, the moment characterization is broken for the sake of romance, i lose interest. this is generally my stance on ships in general, n this applies for both straight n lgbt ships. 

the ships themselves are fine. however, i do have issues with the ship dynamics, so ill let u in on that.

i want to touch on mlm ships in particular; i believe u are familiar with the top/bottom dynamic that is rampant in these kinds of ships? (i wont deny that this dynamic can be found in other types of ships, but for arguments sake i will be focusing on gay ships because i feel that this occurs more commonly here) its such a popular dynamic that is prone to stripping the personality from one if not both characters, only for them to be reduced to being dominant/submissive. for a character to be pigeonholed into a stereotypical category based on... preferred sexual positions? its just downright insulting, never mind the larger more problematic implications of it. top/bottom is not indicative of someones personality, by the way. flattening multi dimensional characters into these stereotypes is so so so insulting.

unfortunately this is The Most Popular portrayal of just about any gay ship around. ive seen it being used everywhere in so many fandoms n it just about becomes apparent to me that ppl come to stories looking for a Ship. not the stories, nor the characters, just a ship. while id like to say theres nothing wrong with that, keep in mind not everyone is just looking for 2 characters that look pretty next to each other. if i ship something, i see interesting n meaningful interactions between 2 characters, which is so often not the case once u bring in the top/bottom dynamic. why is it so popular? because somehow this is what ppl like from a gay ship n hence it sells. ppl want the drama, characterizations be damned. ppl want to see the big kiss that happens in the end, n maybe the sexy parts that come after. characterizations be damned.

so u can say im a little wary of gay ships when they cross my feed. hell, as a joseph aesop shipper i see this trope everywhere n im pretty disappointed as well. small tangent but i feel like this is the reason why zh0ngli n ch1lde is so popular in g3nshin. i try to see the appeal, i really do, but after a long while of analyzing their respective characters i dont think they have as much chemistry as ppl think they do. dont even get me started on how incredibly ooc they make either of these very interesting n unique characters in ship portrayals. all because of the top/bottom dynamic that ppl want to see. i say this for that particular ship, but this is pretty much the case for a lot of ships out there, n the latter part is painfully true even when the 2 characters do have potential between each other. ill say it again im disgusted by the blatant disrespect to the characterizations if all ppl ever want is 2 pretty puppets to mush lips together. cos thats what theyre essentially reduced to this way.

n its so obvious to see when an artist subscribes to this rhetoric, because u can so clearly see it in the way they draw their characters. the “top” generally has sharper features to go with their “dominating personality”, while the “bottom” has disturbingly softer, feminine, dare i say sometimes child like features “to submit”. n thats where the uwu soft gay trope comes from, i believe. which, in case u still dont know, i hate with a burning passion.

so again for ppl with impaired reading comprehension, im fine with ships, including lgbt ones, but the moment u break characterization for the sake of the ship, im not that okay with it. u want to do it for a short crack comic? fine. but if thats the only way ur portraying the 2 characters then im immediately wary of ur content. ill still look at it cos usually the art is really good, but im very very wary. so im not “adamantly opposed”, just very critical of how the ships are being portrayed. if other ppl want to enjoy their ships like that, sure. just dont expect me to join in on something i dont agree on.

.

now id like to address not shipping “because i hc aesop as ace”. for ppl who are new to the blog (hello there), im an ace in a romantic relationship, so thats definitely not the reason i dont ship elisop. its more of being in a relationship has largely shaped my views towards romance as a whole. even before i met my boyfriend, i hated the romance genre in stories n media. most of it comes off as incredibly forced, especially those love triangles they seem to love putting into teen novels. thats one reason why i stopped reading when i was younger, but i digress.

did i partake in shipping when i was younger? i did. for a gay ship too (if anyone really wants to know, its kurotsukki from haikyuu. at least this was one that i can remember, i was mostly working on my 20 odd ocs for the longest time). i also used to write little short romance ficlets that i never posted anywhere cos i hated (n still do hate) my writing. but writing romance when u dont have experience was really just a way of projecting n probably a way of coping for myself, not that i knew at that time. but after i actually started a relationship with my boyfriend (whom i love n cherish a lot thank u very much), i began to see how much all these have skewed my views towards romance n have actually done some harm to our relationship. the bullshit that the general media feeds u constantly doesnt help in the slightest either.

quick topic shift to elisop in particular (about time, right?). i already stated that i only ship characters if i sense chemistry between the two personalities, n if u have seen the part where i dont ship elisop then u must have seen how agonized i am over not being able to have a concrete personality for eli. that is the main problem i have with elisop: eli does not feel like a solid character to me. n that is a huge problem, because if he doesnt have any defining characteristics besides being mild n nice, then he can be whoever i want him to be. (i have done this in my exorcist comics, i will admit this. n the fact that i can just do that... it really does not sit well with me personally.)

n that is dangerous.

back to young me doing lil ship things. i think its also pretty safe to say when u really do ship 2 characters, chances are u kinda really relate very very hard to at least one of them. that very quickly can turn into projecting, n shipping therefore is not “exploring the relationship between 2 characters” n it becomes “my preferred dating simulator 101″. of course this isnt always the case, but at least it was for me, n subconsciously it might be for lots of ppl too. n since this is ur mental playground, u call the shots, n there is no consequences if u slightly (or even entirely) alter one or both personalities to fit ur desired narrative. n u wouldnt even notice or know, cos ur blind to ur own biasness.

we bring our perceived notions into real life, im sure u know that. so when ur partner does not become that perfect knight in shining armour, or when they get upset at things that u do (which is a very normal thing by the way), n u think (very subconsciously), That isnt what my otp would do, something is wrong here (nothing is wrong, actually its just ur skewed perception of a stable romantic relationship). why wouldnt ur otp do this? because u are both halves of ur otps, there is no hidden secrets between them (apart from the pining part but thats irrelevant), n again they have been altered to fit ur preferred narrative. 

a real relationship requires a lot of communication between parties, because newsflash, liking someone doesnt mean that u have to like every single thing they do, they will make mistakes n it will hurt u, n guess what, the reverse is also true. if u do go with absoutely anything that they would do with 0 objections whatsoever, ur not crushing on someone, ur idolizing them, n that power imbalance is detrimental to a relationship. these things are not obvious to ppl, especially when the whole climate is hell bent on getting into romantic relationships by a certain age or some bullshit. communication is key n is pretty much the only way to solve relationship issues, because the other person has a lot that u r not seeing n vice versa. as similar as 2 ppl can be, i doubt u can have 100% the same thoughts on all things. i dont make the rules.

so in ur mental playground u focus on the fluffy parts, maybe there is communication, but rarely is there any meaningful conflict. thats unrealistic, n if u bring that mindset to an actual relationship, thats not going to end well. i say meaningful conflict, because yes, generally u shouldnt have conflicts with ur significant other. but inevitably when ur with each other for long enough, u will realize that there are habits that u must change in order to be with the other person. habits that are harmful to the other person directly, or harmful habits towards yourself that indirectly harm the other person. these are meaningful in a sense that if left alone, it will manifest into larger problems that will harm u, the other person n the relationship as a whole. its meaningful to the relationship.

all these is made even worse if ur neurodivergent. maladaptive coping practices, self sabotaging behaviours, inherent disabilities. all these must be adjusted n addressed. im so incredibly thankful for my boyfriend for being incredibly patient with me when working all these out, n it has not been easy for me to work on myself n all my problems, n im still not done working on them. this aspect is often not explored in romance in general (or properly), n there is a very good chance i would have still been stuck in the unhealthy mindset of “this isnt like my otp, maybe we’re not meant to be”. because loving someone is a choice. no one is made for each other, it is a conscious choice made between 2 ppl to make things work. this is how arranged marriages work, i am told, n i do see the appeal, not that it actually does appeal to me culturally.

special mention to the kurotsukki ship, cos from there i found a very, very good fic that explored their relationship before n after getting together, n it actually showed aspects of this problem in the incredibly slow burn of (at that time) 20+ chapters. it was just one fic (n a very good one at that, i believe it was called Leviticus), but it had a lesson i never thought i needed to learn, n learn it i did, with a lot of help from my dear. 

this is also probably the reason why i dont really want to delve too much into romance now. i know its a lot of work, n everything (mostly) that the media feeds u is really false advertising, but ppl eat that shit up n so it remains one of the most popular genres to date. im just very wary that if i do start on a romantic story, i want to be able to show it in a way like that fic did, the truths of relationships, because i dont want to make something that sells, i want to make something that meaningful to me, if a little indulgent. n that also includes being very careful in how the respective characterizations will change in a relationship. almost too careful now that i think about it, but its not something that i mind. i was never one for romance from the start, n now im very careful about shipping because of what happened to me persoanlly.

okay enough about me, lets talk about aesop. in any au u put the character in, the essence of the character must remain despite the change in environment. so lets say we have ur typical modern au. dead mom, check. shitty mentor doing illegal stuff? also check. autistic boy with social anxiety? we’re good to go. all these have implications on aesop as a character, n while ppl are aware of this, again the way they go about portraying it can go, in my personal opinion, very wrong. ppl who immediately woobify aesop completely because he has autism annoy me. ppl who reduce him to uwu soft boi cos he has social anxiety do not know how the disorder really works n as someone who has that i hate it to the core. ppl who do all these for the sake of ship have lost my respect. its insulting.

remember the top/bottom dynamic? not that elisop is completely free from that (even if i dont know much about eli, to put him in either one of those stereotypes feels very insulting to his character. i wont even say anything about doing it to aesop its so upsetting), but its not entirely made up of either. but now i want to introduce another trope i am very wary of, which is “i can fix him”. im sure u guys have seen the meme going around poking fun at this trope (for those who havent, its along the lines of “u can fix him? well i can be his worst nightmare”) n no doubt yall would have seen it n gotten sick of it in some forced hetero romantic bullshit. we have one damsel in distress with a saviour that solves all their problems just by existing n being romo with each other.

remember “my preferred dating simulator 101″? this is not mutually exclusive n from my point of view this is dangerously close to this trope. lets be real, if it was actually a thing that all ur deep rooted trauma magically disappears if someone were to waltz into ur life, we would want it. definitely. no painfully dissecting ur own problems n constantly facing them head on. real life states that this is not the case, but it will not stop us from dreaming. n so this trope is born n lives n will go on.

(finally) pulling aesop n eli into this, at least in my mind, u have one severely traumatized boy with lots of issues n u have this. nice mild guy who can be anything u want him to be. i hope u can see where im going with this, n thats the direction i see some elisop heading towards (i dont read a lot of elisop to be fair). if u came from my eli character talk, i mentioned that it is incredibly one sided. this is exactly what im talking about.

putting it all together in case u havent already, aesop is the damsel in distress, whose problems magically disappear because of elis godly kindness n little to no work on improving himself, n they lived happily n gayly ever after.

can u tell how much that does not appeal to me. 

never mind the butchering of character that inevitably happens somewhere somehow, the unrealistically perfect themes n implications of this trope makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is, of course, due to personal reasons, n i definitely see the appeal of this dynamic because i would probably have been interested in this once upon a time as well. but as i am now, with everything i have explained up there n everything i have been through, i would politely rather not.

n its difficult to think of another dynamic, because of how little i know about eli apart from him being this saint, which easily makes him a candidate for being aesops trauma panacea. never mind aesop rarely, if ever, does anything for eli as a character in return, n its so damaging to buy into this rhetoric, where a person like this who would solve all ur issues no strings attached exists somewhere in the world. they really dont. a relationship has to be mutually benefitting, or it will be draining n disastrous. maybe u say, Oh its nice to imagine it once in a while. n yeah, i agree, except once in a while is a little difficult to keep track of n that is sort of what happened to me. id rather stay as far away as possible from this kind of unrealistic fantasy, i just got this shit sorted out with myself n my boyfriend.

i have some other reasons, but theyre more personally problematic, so i wont go into them here. but this is mostly n generally why i do not ship elisop romantically. if u do, u do u, and have fun, but again dont expect me to join u. thank u for coming to my ted talk, this took a lot longer than expected.

[dykecadence]

A Dissertation to Prove that Alice Quinn from The Magicians is a Lesbian Experiencing Comp-Het

some of my twitter friends requested i post this on here so @alicequinnlove i hope this is good! (keep in mind this was written before the second half of season 4 so some things are out of date)

1. Her attraction to Quentin as compulsive heterosexuality

Alice only expresses attraction to Q once he has expressed attraction to her

Jumping into a relationship with the first guy to show interest in her despite knowing they don’t necessarily work (and that she is better than him)

Never feels sexual fulfillment in their relationship (until that one ep) but not saying anything about it

Rebounding quickly with another guy after Q cheats as if she is trying to prove something to herself/him

Every time she talks about sexual encounters before Q she says they were all uncomfortable and very impersonal

Look, as someone who struggled with comp-het for a LONG time and has dated guys because of it… Q is exactly the type of soft, nerd boy that is perfect for closeted lesbians to try and date as a means of making themselves seem straight. He’s non-threatening and when you don’t want to confront your sexuality it can be easy to trick yourself into getting crushes or turning friendships into something more.

Not entirely supporting my point because I do think opposite sex friendships are very important but; the fact that Alice was far more upset about her trust being broken and losing one of her best friends than the relationship ending

2. Her inherent unease around other women

Alice is uncomfortable around other women but not because she feels threatened by them. In fact, we don’t really know why she’s so uncomfortable with them at first.

Alice has no close female friends thus the way she views her interactions with women is skewed through Hetero Goggles

She would have no frame of reference for determining if there is a difference in her feelings toward women/patricular women

With Margo in particular, Alice is uneasy which I would chalk up to:

Margo compliments Alice/her body often

Margo being so comfortable with herself

Margo blatantly flirting with her at times

They have tension

I mean…… Margo/Alice Rights!

3. Magic often functions as an allegory for The Gay

Alice has always felt out of place

She fears her own “magic”

Her family didn’t teach her any magic she had to find it on her own

Magical found family narratives are for the gays only

Unaware of her own potential, still hasn’t unlocked it

She holds herself back in her magic, just as she does in every other aspect of life

4. Sex in this show is barely ever just sex

Basically everyone in this show uses sex as a coping mechanism

Especially Alice

Alice sleeps with Q because she’s stressed and worked up in Brakebills South

People had also been telling them to sleep together or speculating the would for months

She may have felt like it was what she was supposed to do

Her immediate distrust of the truth of her feelings once they get back is not something you would expect from someone who is getting what they want

She often says, “I love you” to Q but never says that she is “in love” with him. An important distinction as this show displays many different forms of love.

Alice sleeps with Penny when Q cheats. Why does she do this? To get back at him presumably but I don’t think she’s that petty. I think it was insecurity. Her trying to prove herself to herself.

Alice kisses Q/has sex with Q post-break up only in emotionally intense scenarios where she is overwhelmed by grief, power, or both.

Kissing him at the tree

Having sex with him when she gets back from being a Niffin

Carriage ride to the fight with the Beast

5. Alice has never really had friends

Her experience with comp-het and her inexperience with friendship would very likely lead her to misattribute close feelings of friendship with attraction.

I have personal experience with this so I feel this assumption is justified

Since she knows so few people and Q is the only one she has a close/friendly relationship with she clearly feels the strongest connection to him

She instinctively distrusts everyone and doesn’t let people in easily so it would be hard to know her true feelings

If we could see her in a close female friendship in this show I think she would bond quickly and strongly (as she did with Sheila)

It’s not that she doesn’t want friends, it’s that she has a hard time letting her walls down which ~gay~

It would be invaluable to see her have a close female friendship as we could compare that to her season 1 interactions with Quentin and decipher her behavior

Her few friendly interactions with Margo had a lot of tension before she and Q got together

6. Alice has not expressed attraction to anyone since her last encounter with Q in (I think) late season 2.

This encounter was an instance of sex not just being sex. It was her being overwhelmed after coming back from being a Niffin and seeking comfort/distraction in something familiar i.e. Quentin

Since then she has:

Not expressed in interest in getting back with Q

Not had sex with anyone

Not mentioned an attraction to anyone

Made no insinuation of lingering romantic feelings for anyone she has previously been involved with (with the exception of Timeline23!Alice but as she is not Our Alice she is not relevant)

Her attraction to and intimate interactions with Q have been nothing more than physical since season 1

They have slept together again multiple times but it was always because of some bigger emotional turmoil and not love

She said she didn’t want to get back together with him after the threesome and I think (in terms of a real relationship) she means that

But she used sex as a coping mechanism since Q was familiar/her closest friend and it made her feel like herself

I don’t think either of them have had genuine romantic feelings for each other for a while but U believe Alice’s went away faster (because she never really had them due to comp-het)

7. Gay Coding

A lot of aspects of this show are unambiguously queer-coded

There is no such thing as gay panic in this show so there is no need to be weirded out over gay stuff and if you are you are portrayed as the weird one (ex. Hymen)

Alice’s cold intelligence and manner is pretty lesbian coded

Her style is high femme and I will not be told otherwise

8. This doesn’t fit into a particular spot but… 

When Q mentions the dream that Penny walked in to involving her and Julia kissing, her problem was not with herself kissing another girl or even that it was a kinda gross fantasy for Q but rather that Q was thinking about his former crush alongside her.

She doesn’t dwell on the gay of it all just the fact that Q is subconsciously thinking of his old crush

9. I would argue that Alice’s inability to find sexual pleasure with Q (until that one ep) is a ~problem~ on both of their parts.

Partially due to Quentin having no clue what to do

But I think mostly due to the fact that she doesn’t really feel sexually attracted to him

The one time it is “fulfilling” to them it is because they are trying to get Penny back

Alice is determined to get shit done so I’m sure she is capable of…. Fulfilling her part in getting Penny back even if she didn’t really feel as much as she should

As I’ve said, they never really have sex just because, there’s always an external factor (as far as we the viewer are aware)

10. She had more chemistry with Penny than with Q despite “loving” him

11. Her previous experiences

She was standing up and at a party for all of them according to her

These interactions are:

Impersonal

Likely the result of alcohol

Clearly not fond memories

12. Niffin!Alice and Dark!Willow are Very Similar in quite a few ways, enough said

13. Her feelings for Quentin feel like the “I’ve decided to have a crush now”

As I said, she only expresses interest in him once he has expressed interest in her

Crush comes out of nowhere

She seemed very professional with Q at first

She skips friendship and goes straight for crush

But the crush was really friendship

Her romantic feelings for him are contingent on how emotional she is

14. Alice awkwardly avoiding talking about the Incubus’ penis

She doesn’t wanna say penis lmao

15. New Addition: “But she and Q got back together!”

I felt the need to address this additional point and why it doesn’t effect my theory.

Once Alice left The Library she was a prop for the rest of the season.

Logically they have no reason to get back together as they’ve both been growing far more on their own than they did together.

I think her going back to him only serves to prove she is only with him because she desperately wants to feel loved even if she doesn’t quite understand her own feelings

Alice is reaching out to reconnect with Q in an attempt to gain some of her old self back

She knows she cares for him and that he cares for her and she automatically assumes that romance is the logical answer for those feelings

It’s comp-het babey

Them getting back together was a cheap ploy to add more emotional weight to Q’s death

If anything I feel it supports this theory

In conclusion, Alice Quinn is a lesbian. Send tweet

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Zero no Tsukaima S4, Episodes 4-6

In which I talk about the context of Louise and Saito’s broken bath toward romance, I finally feel the love tonight, and the hot springs episode can fuck off forever.

What is Love? (Baby Don’t Hurt Me)

You know, for all the time I’ve spent dissecting this show for they way it’s treated Louise and Saito’s relationship, it comes to mind that I’ve never really given much thought to the nature of their relationship itself. Part of that’s definitely on the show, of course; there’s only so much you can analyze how two people’s love operates if it’s constantly being interrupted by distractions from all directions. Still, this is a romance show (at least in theory), and it’s not like there’s been nothing to chew on in that regard. So now that things have settled down a bit and the picture of their relationship has started becoming a lot clearer, let’s take a step back and consider just how this love functions.

Saito and Louise’s biggest stumbling block has always been how the difference in their upbringings has affected the way they view the world. Thanks to her noble background, Louise has always put a lot of importance on formalities, appearances and social codes, and her crushing inferiority complex has led her to cling to them even more strongly as a way of keeping her pride from falling apart. Saito, meanwhile, has always felt listless and directionless, just another Japanese kid adrift in the flow of life, and he’s learned to just ride that flow for his own self-benefit. As he tells Henrietta at one point, he truly believed that not really trying to accomplish anything important and just letting life “happen” was the mature thing to do. In short, Louise has always put too much personal investment in stupid bullshit that doesn’t really matter, and Saito has always put too little investment in the things that really do. Thus, the story of their developing romance (again, in theory) has been the story of both of them realizing what’s really important in life, either rising to the challenge in Saito’s case or letting go of things that are keeping you from it in Louise’s.

What’s really crushing to think about in this regard is how easily all the things that don’t end up working in this story could’ve been used to its benefit with just a little tweaking. Saito’s tendency to not put much stock in things is a perfect excuse for him to keep blowing off his true feelings and fool around with other girls, while Louise’s inability to compromise on her skewed perspective would explain how easily antagonistic she gets towards him whenever he screws up. In fact, the more I look back on the past seasons, the more I realize that might have been the intention all along. And that would have been interesting! Sure, it still might not have been entirely my jam as a noted Ecchi hater, but using these elements not as a way to slam on the brakes of Louise and Saito’s relationship, but actually develop it, would have been a fantastically smart way to have your fanservice cake and eat it in the service of narrative and character to, if that tortured metaphor made any sense.

Grow Some Balls, Saito

Where my problems have been in the execution of that idea, as I’m certain you’re all aware by now, is that the show has constantly tried to have it both ways. It keeps pushing Saito and Louise into situations where it feels like they have to get together at this point, where their feelings and interactions are genuine and honest and you feel like they finally understand each other enough to do the deed, and then it yanks them right back with another misunderstanding that doesn’t fit with their just-established emotional clarity. So instead of a slow build toward mutual trust and understanding on a constantly upward climb, we have a series of jarring peaks and valleys where the level of clarity these two have with each other see-saws back and forth at the whims of the writer. Saito still being a lecher after, say, his and Louise’s steamy make-out session in Season 2 Episode 4 no longer fits with the character he’s become, nor does Louise’s inability to trust his explanations for the flubbed tryst with her sister after the same. That’s the real source of how dissatisfying this narrative has become; you can never trust that any growth these two experience will ever stick. Even now, in a fourth season that’s actually managing a lot of things right in this regard (but more on that later), we’re still seeing those same problems crop up. This time, though, it really does feel like the blame for which one of them’s screwing up the trajectory falls mostly on Saito.

Remember, his arc, such as it has become, has been about him learning to understand the importance of actually caring about things, symbolized by his increasing realization that he wants to stay by Louise’s side. It’s been about learning to open himself up to trusting her and investing in her, to stop screwing around and share his life with her as equals. And he’s become really committed to that idea: he even straight up tells Louise at one point that no other girl makes him feel the way she does. That’s love, ladies and gentlemen. So why is he still so fucking bad at resisting everyone else’s advances? Why can he not just shove Siesta off of him whenever she brings her boobs into the equation and tell her, “no, I’m committed” now? Why is he still okay with every single girl in love with him sleeping on the same bed as him (even if Tabitha casually chilling on his crotch got a snort out of me. Girl has no shame and I love it)? He has the decency to finally shut Henrietta down after he gets over his confusion about her making a move on him, so what’s making it so hard for him to do the same with everyone else, especially when he knows how much it’s pissing Louise off? This is no longer who Saito is. Hell, it was never really who he was before Season 2 shittily retconned him, but I’ve harped on that enough. If he’s grown enough to truly commit to Louise, he should’ve grown enough to shut out all the other potential suitors for good. The character doesn’t feel consistent, and because of that, the show’s continued insistence on dragging out the harem nonsense remains eternally frustrating.

Bridging the Gap

And yet. For all my continuing complains at how at odds with itself this show continues to be, the tentative hope I developed in my last post doesn’t feel misplaced. Because for all the bullshit we’re still wading through, Zero no Tsukaima F is not the same unapologetic garbage fire as the last two seasons. And for all Louise and Saito’s maddening inconsistency, they are a couple. It’s official. We can hem and haw about the particulars, but the way they interact leaves no room for doubt: they are actually committed to each other. At long last. 

And in the 70% of the time where the show lets them be a couple, with no bullshit getting in the way? It’s really goddamn enjoyable. Their interactions feel genuine, like two dumb teens who truly care about each other and are constantly fumbling over the best way to express that. Re-enacting the first time they danced together? Charming. Their increasing comfort with exploring sex? Comforting. Saito trying to channel his hormones into cringeworthy dirty talk, only to be interrupted by Siesta’s most hilarious cock-block yet (”Lunch is ready, meow”)? Love it. Siesta actually being helpful to the main ship by placing the blame for Tiffania’s come-on on Tiffania herself, as it indeed was, preventing us from another bullshit misunderstanding? Was that even the same show? Hell, I was even really taken aback by how much the brief “Louise sees Saito kissing the queen” arc affected me; Louise’s reaction being one of despair and acceptance, while Saito being too struck with guilt to stop her from running away, was a thousand times more heartbreaking than the opposite would have been.

Like Kirche says at some point, Love isn’t rational. It’s weird and confusing and you don’t always know where it’s leading you, and sometimes something you know to be true can keep you from feeling the opposite. But we fight for it anyway, because the way it brings us together is worth fighting for. It’s taken us far too long to get to this point, and it in no way redeems the mistakes of the past or present, but I’m just really goddamn happy that this romance has finally become something worth fighting for.

Fuck the Hot Springs

But because I’m still nothing if not a jaded asshole, there’s no way I’m gonna get out of this session without bitching about the hot springs episode. From the moment I saw it bubbling up on Saito’s new property, I was cringing inwardly; I knew it was gonna suck. The time-honored tradition of anime trying to save money by putting out low-effort episodes with lots of panning shots of girls in minimal clothing is something that I would really love to see die out some of these days (looking at you, unnecessary fanservice in SSSS.Gridman). And this episode is a pretty good example as to why; because the problems of this trope tend to grow far beyond just the cheap pandering of the camera. It feels like the world of the show itself has to warp to accommodate the unnatural sexual focus of this one episode, and as a result, a lot of characters and situations end up feeling really forced and unnatural just for the sake of getting more skin on screen. Remember when the guys at least had the “decency” to try and peep on the girls bathing in private? The hot springs episode doesn’t, because now they’re just throwing themselves right out into the open like a bunch of fucking idiots. Was Henrietta ever catty and competitive over Saito, as opposed to conflicted and reserved in her feelings? Nope, but don’t tell that to this episode, because we need a naked wrestling match, dammit! That last one’s particularly galling, giving how loving Louise and Henrietta’s relationship has always been (I mean, whether you see the undertones or not, these two care for each other a whole fucking lot); there is no scenario in which these two characters would get this petty with each other, except in the context of “the writer was lazy and wanted to focus more on the tits for this episode”. I’m just glad everything seems to have resolved comfortably enough by the end and, because pool/beach/hot spring episodes are like chicken pox, I don’t have to worry about this bullshit showing up ever again. We’ve got six episodes left: hopefully, there’s still plenty more good stuff to come before I bid this fractured franchise goodbye.

Odds and Ends

-”When you’re turned to dust, you can’t appreciate a woman’s backside!” Get it? Because Osman’s a pervert? Did you get the joke, audience? Did you get it? DID YOU?

-I appreciate that Guiche has a rose in his mouth for the reward ceremony. He’s such a Tamaki.

-”I had something on my face, and she was helping me get it off!” “That’s the lamest excuse ever!” DRAG HIM MON-MON

-”Shall we go?” alskdjasd everybody ships them too

-Super happy that Tabitha got her mom back. That’s been a long time coming.

-”If she’s melons, does that make me coconuts?” Oh Kirche, I’ve missed you.

-”Hiligiel Saitin!” We Ember Island Players now bois

-”Going to sleep.” Tabitha is not one for pleasantries, I give her that.

-”She wants to hatch an egg!” Because all teenagers think about getting pregnant so young. Blegh.

-”You’re not a cow!” “Moo.” DRAG HER SAITO

-”If even the chair making fun of me?” Apparently so.

-”This room’s haunted, so I’m exorcising it!” pfft

-Current headcanon is that Tabitha isn’t actually in love with Saito and is just being so possessive of him to spur Louise into action. That seems more her style.

And so we continue. See you all next time!