#i genuinely dont remember the last day i wasnt in pain

[vampiremourning]

i got to enjoy relatively clear skin for just under a year after going on isotretinoin & now fucking. i get the Joy of dealing with some other new skin condition on my face that just doesnt want to fuck off

[lighthouseshepard]

I know you just had top surgery - how was it? How was the healing process? I’m scared to death of surgery but I desperately need these off

HI NYX!!! ok im gonna try and be as brief and concise as possible because theres honestly quite a lot i could talk about but! heres some thoughts under the cut

so honestly as someone who has had a few surgeries in the past for other medical issues - this ranked VERY low on the pain scale. maybe a 4/10 tops at its worst (although i do understand everyone is different). the surgeon kept telling me "many people do not find this operation particularly painful" and i did not believe him one bit until afterwards. i had prescription pain medicne and antibiotics to take, but honestly i only needed the prescription medicine for about 3 days, and then after that i was fine with tylenol. after a week really i didnt need to take anything consistently, it was here or there if i happened to start moving around too much.

the worst part for me overall was the BANDAGES. after you wake up youre gonna be wrapped within an inch if your life with ike 2 inches of gauze and tape and an ace wrap holding it all together. if you have drains (which i did) you can't shower until they're out and the bandages come off, anywhere from 5 to 7 days usually. mine was 7 days and i was miserable. the drain emptying wasnt that bad tbh, someone helped me the first 2 times and then i was able to do it myself afterwards. if youre bad with blood or bodily fluids then youll def need someone to help you there. the drain removal process, to be completely honest, was. also bad. it lasted maybe five seconds per drain but i didnt breathe right like they told me to and had a vasovagal reaction and passed out. i dont say this to dissuade you! but it was not pleasant

the main thing probably is gonna be stiffness and soreness. you literally won't be able to do anything with your arms for at least a few days - its bordering on 2 weeks for me and im just now able to pull a shirt over my head without stiffness. you DEFINITELY will need someone to help you with basic tasks those first few days, getting food, getting dressed, etc. some ppl get bruising on their chest just from the skin being manipulated and etc but surprisingly i havent had any bruising yet?

also!! again some places differ, but mine was a same day surgery. after a few hours of waking up i was able to be bundled into the car back to the hotel. youre gonna be really groggy but i was able to walk just fine, albeit very slowly with help. the surgery itself was the blink of an eye to me. i remember them putting an o2 mask over my face and then i was OUT. seconds later i was being dragged up out of unconscious well by the nurse's voice.

ill say too, i 100% understand the nervousness and fear. the 2 weeks leading up to the surgery were like. awful andnsnjf. i was so anxious and terrified of the pain only to find it genuinely was not that bad at all. you know the this too shall pass lighter i have. i slept with that clutched in my hand the entire night before surgery. it was very much a "do it scared" situation and having those things of comfort and reassurance whatever they are to you can help immensely. and i did do it! and the relief i felt a week after when i finally got to see made literally all of it worth it. theres still healing to go (i took a month off work also) but im taking it very slowly and trying not to rush enjoyment of this body c: most of the healing process has been letting the body do its natural work and being patient with it, a thing i am usually not. i still have to dress the area for another 2 weeks maybe, but then i can start scar care!!!

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

sorry if you see this and im not replying to dms super fast. today has really been draining and not for great reasons. kinda feel nonverbal and quiet right now.

not as bad as itd been years in the past for vdays. i think this one has been surprisingly well, but my manager made it a big 180 despite being on an edge all day mentally. i said i wasnt gonna have a mental breakdown, and i very much didnt compared to the past three years. but i did however get stopped by this coworker when i was leaving early in the parking lot after the manager interaction of putting me in a shit mood. then unintentionally started crying when trying to explain why i was upset to her.

thanks to her for hugging me. she didnt need to, but realizing how touch starved i am despite hating touch... genuinely, i dont think she understands how much i needed that cause i havent had a hug in like almost... i dont know.

and its different now because im not used to having irl "friends" or people who i talk to like that not online, but i think after that interaction it made things easier. i still went home and cried but i think its honestly an annual tradition at this point haha- the only difference is that im not asking the same situationship girl to be my valentine for the fourth year in a row like a literal clown. i think after all this time its finally reaching the point where life is getting better and im healing. the pain is still there sometimes like this but... people care... people actually care about me.... and... that alone makes me want to cry because how??? how did i get so lucky to finally get to that point. how did i get to this point to meet those people i needed years ago. im glad that theyre in my life now, but it still scares me a bit getting close to people and being vulnerable because im afraid of losing them too. i have so many new people compared to last year. i was so low then, too. i remember it. i had this whole thing set up and then ended up crying at work because IM DUMB AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT MY ENERGY INTO THAT.

but these new people- they care. and things are better. so much so compared to then. 😭

i want to write something. idk. im just super introverted, and im glad she's a chill person. we really have an eda luz dynamic im ngl 😭. i... i really appreciated that.

anyway i just... wanted to put this somewhere. its not as a negative thing. im way happier now, but dealin w that has just stunted my vibes temporarily. hope things are doing good if u see this. idk.

[thelightsmiles]

wedesday morning

he's still asleep. i wasnt gonna get up yet. i was gonna sleep in on my weekend, like i always tell myself im gonna do bc i hate getting up early. its only 8am, and im glad im not waking up at 10 or something. i couldnt get his keyboard to work. he has this whole setup now, and i love it bc im totally gonna write more. im totally gonna make more art now.

we got a desk for the room. it reminds me of my old desk, at the house with all the memories. that was my little studio. i have so many memories in that desk. so many dark moments, too. but i like to look back at those years, i love to imagine myself back there, but i cant. its like i know i cant go back, but i just wish there was some way i could grasp it just enough to get those emotions i used to feel, to somehow be that person again for just a half of a second.

id like to think id be satisfied with half a second, but id probably hold on too tight if i found a way to do that, and never let go.

i had this little square of wood. im not sure what youd call it, what i used it for. it was my special block though, and i miss it. i miss how i used to create. so genuine and so easily. not always, but i let myself back then. i havnt let myself create like that in years.

its kinda funny, when i was 14 or 15 i would write these stories about how one day i got out of there, i escaped that stupid little town, i left and i never looked back, i created the life i wanted. in most of them, though, i just met someone and they saved me. they took me far away and i loved them forever. in most of them, if im being honest, tj came back.

he came back just like i fantasized about every night for months and then years. i dont remember when i fell out of love with him. it was longer than a year. i waited all that year, knowing he was gone but i couldnt handle it. i think i sent him an email once, and he probably didnt even log into his account, its probably sitting in there still.

id look at these pictures i had of him, and id think about how i could see us together in the future. i always thought about how hed be such an amazing dad. i wrote so many letters to him, i never sent them. i couldnt even give him that note id worked so hard on the day he left.

it took a really really long time for me to heal from that boy. and now that i dont idolize him, i cant imagine ever falling for someone that way again. i dont know how i could have, i didnt even know him. i think he was just the only boy whod ever given me some sort of hope that i wasnt unlikable.

so i did need that. i needed to learn all those lessons that taught me. i needed all those moments from that time period that ill never be able to remember.

all i know is i miss my childhood so much it hurts. id give almost anything to go back, and im not supposed to say that, bc i thought id let go of it ages ago, for the last time. i thought id accepted it was over and decided to finally live for that girl i used to be.

its kinda funny how all the little parts of our lives flow together so nicely when you look back, despite how incredibly different we were, how differnt the times were.

im still not sure when my depression was at its worst. there was one fall-summer that i wasnt there. i didnt exist. i dont remember myself.

id wake up at like 5pm and go out, id walk to the library and grab a random book, id go take my walk and sit by the water or stand on the bridge looking out at it. it was always so cold, but i dont remember being cold. i just remember the street lights, the snow, the music, the pain.

id get home and start reading, and then it would be 6am and id have finished that book, and i went to bed and cried myself to sleep, and then it would happen all over again.

[12-dooley]

nobody:

me at 11pm: obsessively googling chronic pain

[20rubixcubes]

enhypen as baristas

maknae line x gn!reader (comedy, fluff, mild angst)

~1.2k words ea (headcanons)

warnings: cursing

a/n: i just wrote this for funsies, please be mindful that there is heavy swearing in these headcanons (particularly in ni-ki’s part), so if that isn’t your taste, perhaps skip this one! other than that, the rest of this is pretty chill, so i hope you enjoy my shitposting. oh, and lmk if you like this enough to want part two with the hyung line 👀 just maybe i’ll do it

sunoo

was only recently employed as an afternoon shift employee and was both shocked and distressed after discovering the cafe didnt have an instagram

“what do you MEAN you dont have instagram??? how do we post selfies???” “sunoo we sell coffee” “NO ONE WANTS COFFEE JUNGWON THEY WANT CUTE BARISTAS”

starts an instagram for the cafe and takes aesthetic pictures of his latte art

his selfies get way more likes though

speaking of his latte art, he masters the skill like a week in and everyone else is incredibly jealous

their jealousy wears off when jungwon tells him that he has to start training the new apprentices

pretends he forgot how to do it for like a week but it hurts his pride so he begrudgingly agrees to train the apprentices instead

in his free time he can be found snapping pictures around the shop, eventually expanding to taking pictures of the others too

“sunghoon stop moving you look cute and i need to take a photo” “sunoo im holding hot milk” “does it look like i care beauty is pain sweetie”

other than that, he sometimes sits in the booths to snack on muffins and do his homework since he only comes in to the shop for about an hour during his school lunch break and on the weekends

you meet sunoo after applying for an apprenticeship, wanting to get a job before you finish high school and start college

seen as though jungwon looks like the boss, you approach him, nervous for your first shift

“i’m here for the apprenticeship program?” “oh yeah! one second!”

he trots off to the back room, leaving you standing awkwardly in the middle of the cafe

“SUNOO GET OFF JAY YOU HAVE AN APPRENTICE TO TRAIN” “*gasp* YOU MADE ME SMUDGE HIS LIPSTICK I'M QUITTING” “NO YOURE NOT GET OUT THERE RIGHT NOW”

the yelling pauses before who you presume is sunoo stomps through the back room door, a scowl on his face

he spots you, groaning loudly “are you the apprentice?”

“yes” you say meekly, guilty for seeming to ruin his shift

he gestures you to follow him behind the counter, pulling an apron out from under the sink and shoving it to your chest

its clear that hes pissed, yanking his tools out from the cupboards as you tie your apron behind your back quietly

“have you made coffee before?” “only instant coffee” “oh fantastic”

he seems to be getting more irritated by the minute before he takes a deep breath and starts directing you around the machines

“to do the art, you angle the mug like this and draw with the milk, but it wont show until it reaches the top so dont go crazy”

as if its nothing, he demonstrates by drawing a perfect swan in the milk, setting the latte down and dusting his hands off

“wow… thats amazing” “i know right? no one here appreciates me enough” “they should! this is the best i’ve ever seen”

he grins at your compliment, nodding with satisfaction and sending a wave of relief over you as you notice he looks less angry with you now

“um… im sorry if i interrupted whatever you were doing before” “oh, that? i was just doing jay’s makeup” “you like makeup? me too! i’ve never seen a boy interested in it though, thats really cool” you smile genuinely at him as he blinks in surprise

“really? you think its cool?” “definitely!”

you watch the gears turn in his head before he smiles widely, seeming to have come to some kind of revelation as he nods

“i like you.”

your cheeks heat up immediately, but before you can say anything in return, he starts calling out for jungwon, leaning over the counter

“JUNGWOOON, CAN WE HAVE THIS ONE?”

“well thats up to them” he looks up from the table hes wiping down, adjusting his apron as he walks over to the counter

“so youre all finished with the course? i hope sunoo wasnt too much for you”

“i wasnt! anyways, youre employed, okay?” “sunoo stop theyre just an apprentice”

he groans loudly, irritated once more as he whips his head to you

“you have to work here, ok? i said so, so come back and apply or i’ll be mad!”

you laugh at his antics and smile “i’ll see what i can do”

after jungwon pries sunoo off of your arm, you return your apron and leave the shop with a wave

“YOU BETTER COME BACK!” is the last thing you hear as you step out onto the street, the bell ringing to signal your exit

a week later, you return to the shop, slightly anxious that your new friend(?) might have forgotten about you

but this is quickly washed away when you hear a high pitched squeal from the counter

“JUNGWON! HURRY THE FUCK UP AND GET THE FORMS THEYRE HERE”

you laugh as you approach the counter, a teasing tone on your voice

“are you supposed to be talking to your boss like that?” “whats he gonna do? fire me? im the only one who can make coffee in this place” “true”

soon enough, jungwon comes out of his hiding place, his hands clasped together

“im really sorry to ask this but please, you have to work here, sunoo hasnt shut up about you all week and i dont know if i can stand him anymore, i’ll even pay you extra please dear god”

you give sunoo a look, only receiving an innocent smile and puppy eyes back

“sure, i’ll take the job!”

jungwon sighs in relief as sunoo begins jumping up and down, yelling something about having his own little baby to take care around the shop as you groan, covering your blushing face

once you have your hours established (sunoo made you take the same as all of his, but you did the nights instead of the afternoons on the weekends, to his displeasure), you get straight to working

… well, sort of

it was hard to get work done with sunoo pestering you around the clock

“you think im cute right?” “yes sunoo” “even though i have bags under my eyes? “yes sunoo” “you promise?” “yes sunoo” “good”

admittedly he is slightly of help when it comes to the more fiddly parts of making coffee, but every other second of the day he seems to be flirting nonstop

“can i kiss you?” “no” “why not” “sunoo we’ve been over this” “BEING AT WORK ISNT A VALID EXCUSE”

worn down after his incessant yelling all day, you find yourself snapping faster than usual

“we’re not even dating, sunoo! why would i kiss you!? just stop playing with my feelings already!”

for the first time since you’ve known him, sunoo goes quiet

“why not?”

“what are you talking about now sunoo?” “why arent we dating”

now its your turn to go quiet

“do you not like me?” “what? no, sunoo-” before you can reason with him, you watch him quickly rush away from you around the counter, slamming the break room door behind him with tears in his eyes

cursing to yourself, you ensure there are no customers to serve before quickly darting after him

after looking around a bit, you hear sniffling from the supply closet and knock on the door quietly

“sunoo?” “leave me alone!”

you sigh, taking a step back and turning on your heel to face the opposite direction, running a hand through your hair as you think

you spot a dog bed at your feet, suddenly remembering that jake usually keeps his dog supplies covered in dog hair in the closet

“sunoo arent you allergic to dogs?”

“... *sniffle* y-yeah”

after you persuade him to come out by mentioning that his face is going to get all puffy, he steps out, eyes glued to the floor as he looks away from you in shame

placing a hand on his shoulder, you speak to him softly

“sunoo, look at me”

he does, hesitantly, his eyes red and watery and, as you said, puffy and inflamed

despite this, you smile

“i do like you back”

his eyes start watering again, your heart skipping a beat in fear that you had said something wrong

“e-even if my face is all puffy and gross?” his voice wobbles, the tears filling his eyes giving him a sense of vulnerability as you sigh

“yes, even if your face is all puffy and gross”

he smiles at that, shutting his eyes cutely as you press a kiss to his cheek

“and theres your kiss”

he whines “i was supposed to do that!”

“you can do it after we finish work, okay?” “WORK STILL ISNT A VALID EXCUSE…. but maybe today just because i need to ice my face” “yeah you really should, can you even see?” “no not at all” “great”

jungwon

the previous manager left suddenly and jungwon was given a semi-forced promotion as he was the only employee with at least half of a brain cell

poor boy is stressed 24/7

doesnt get paid enough for this

“hey jungwon we ran out out of coffee bea-” “I ORDERED NEW ONES FOUR HOURS AGO NOW SHUT UP IM TRYING TO MAKE SURE THE BOSS DOESNT FIND JAKE’S DOG SHELTER IN THE SUPPLY CLOSET”

goes through hell every day just to make sure the others dont burn the cafe down

is supposed to be on the morning shift but he stays until the afternoon

in his rare moments of downtime, he likes to go around and water the hanging plants around the shop

is that one vine where the mom listens to nicki minaj for the first time and screams “no” over and over whenever ni-ki gets control of the cafe music

“RIKI NISHIMURA WHAT IS THAT ON THE SPEAKERS” “ITS OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR ARIANA GRANDE” “TURN IT OFF THIS IS NOT PG13” “SHUT THE FUCK UP GRANDPA”

is only 16 but acts like a 32-year-old father going through a midlife crisis

lifts boxes of supplies all day yet his joints are famously brittle

“hey jungwon did you hear glass shattering too?” “sorry jay that was my back” “you need to invest in physical therapy” “maybe if i wasnt paying for property damage every other week 😊”

you meet jungwon when you drop into the cafe for a croissant and a coffee before your class starts

usually you come at night maybe an hour before closing so you had never seen him before, but here you were watching this cute but clearly stressed boy scramble around the shop carrying boxes of supplies to the back

trying not to be creepy, you sigh, turning back to your phone after watching him for a solid five minutes straight

as you do, you hear a crash coming from what you assume is the supply closet followed by a disgruntled groan

pausing, looking around at the other customers typing away at their laptops and waiting for another staff member to go check on the boy, you stand up as you discern that he must be the only one working and hesitantly go to see if he’s okay

“hello? are you okay?” you peer through the door, your eyes widening at the sight of him rubbing his head with a wince on his features, supplies strewn around him at his feet and a box knocked over beside him

“ah… um, yes, i’m okay, sorry if i disturbed you with that noise…” he smiles bashfully, pulling himself back onto his feet

“do you need help with all of that stuff?”

he opens his mouth to protest, not wanting to have to ask for help from a customer, but after seeing the amount of crap off of the shelves, he realises that there is no way in hell he’s going to be able to clean all of it up alone before his shift ends

“um… is that okay?” his cheeks flush with embarrassment as you smile

“sure!”

over the next couple of hours you two establish a little system of bagging the spilt supplies and passes them to eachother to put in boxes, chatting never ceasing as you discover that you actually have a lot of things in common

“since you work here, what’s your favourite kind of coffee?” “i like lattes… i cant stand bitter things” “me too! my friend drinks espressos though” “ditch them”

you also find out that he started being homeschooled after becoming the manager as he doesnt have time to attend normal school

the both of you find yourselves laughing nonstop, having fun in eachother’s company

so much so that you end up late for school

“oh shit! i completely missed my first class”

guilty for making you late, he offers to take you

“i can take you?” “you drive?” “well….. not exactly”

once sunoo and ni-ki arrive to care for the shop, he takes you out to the car park, pulling a spare helmet out of his backpack and securing it on your head before giving your head a pat as he gets onto his scooter

“you look cute” “i look like a bug” “a cute bug”

once you get to school, face red after having to hold onto him the entire time, you hop off and pass him the helmet with a shy smile

“thanks for driving me” you mutter, brushing off imaginary dirt from your shirt as you do your best to avoid eye contact, your face still flushed and heart racing

is it possible to develop a crush on someone this quickly???

jungwon is so cute that he makes it possible, you surmise

“of course” he mirrors your nervous smile, a blush finding its way to his own cheeks

as you bow and spin on your heel to start walking inside, he stops you

“wait!”

“what is it?” you turn to him, your heart still thundering against your ribcage at the fond expression he has plastered on his features

“actually… can i pick you up? after school?”

when you pause, your face growing hotter and hotter, he begins to sputter

“i-i’m really sorry, its fine if not! that was way too forward, i just really like you and- oh god that was even more forward- um-” “okay” “yeah i’m sorry that was a stupid questio- wait, what?”

before he can say anything else, your smile widens

“i’ll see you later, okay? don’t be late!” you wave, skipping into the building with a fluffy feeling in your chest

with an awkward wave, jungwon watches you leave, his mouth wide open in shock before a grin replaces his expression

getting back into his seat, the lovestruck smile never leaving his face as he drives off, he begins to count down the minutes until he gets to see you again

ni-ki

works the afternoon shift

technically an apprentice but he gets paid and has been there forever so basically an employee at this point

or he would be if he ever actually made coffee

he sits with the work phone all morning and chooses the music

perpetually dancing to 7 rings by ariana grande (look up his cover. youre welcome in advance)

jungwon and jay scream at him to at least do the mopping to which he complies, but not without performing a whole ass concert with it

once they saw him twirl and dip the mop

eventually they just told him to go back to curating the music because he was scaring customers away and they were losing business

he was horrible at cleaning anyway

“hey jungwon i think i got window cleaner in your plant” “im firing you” “i dont even go here” “STOP QUOTING MEAN GIRLS AND FIX THE DAMAGE YOUVE CAUSED”

you meet ni-ki while youre drinking your coffee at a booth and he plays your favourite obscure indie song so you have to compliment his taste and get to talking

he plays your favourite songs whenever youre in the shop and audibly hisses at anyone who tries to change it

makes choreography to said songs at home and tries to impress you by casually belting it out by your booth

when you compliment his dancing and ask how long hes been practicing that choreography hes all like “oh hahaha it was just casual freestyle super easy peasy”

(hes been practicing for two weeks)

thought he was being super obvious by doing these things but apparently nOT because you have not caught the hint at all and hes getting impatient

asks for advice from the others begrudgingly

“give them flowers” “jay thats so boring” “do you want to use one of my dogs? everyone loves dogs” “wtf jake since when have you had more than one dog” “make them latte art with a heart on it” “sunoo ive literally never made a coffee in my life” “why dont you just ask them out like a normal perso-” “shut the fuck up grandpa thats so weird no one does that”

eventually he settles on sunoo’s idea of making you latte art and he embarks on his journey to make his first coffee

rather than focusing on the actual taste, sunoo tells him to just do whatever so that he can show him how to do the art

“why is it green ni-ki” “you said to do whatever” “and your first idea was to make poison? idk if this is the best idea if youre trying to ask this person out” “shut up and pass me the milk”

burns his hands on the steaming milk jug at least fifteen times and ends up with so many bandaids on his fingers

despite how stiff the bandages are on his hands, he eventually manages to make a sort-of legible heart

“it looks like africa” “have you ever had steamed milk poured on your eyes sunoo?”

poor ni-ki waits for you all day, his heart leaping every time the bell on the door rings only to roll his eyes when it isnt you

he even stays past his shift so youd better let him take you on a date or hes quitting

when you finally arrive he trips over the bucket at his feet he was using to clean and spills dirty water all over his pants

“omg ni-ki are you okay what happened” *five octaves higher* “NOTHING I'M COMPLETELY FINE WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT”

by the time he’s finished cleaning himself up (and by that i mean fixing his hair in the mirror for twenty minutes) he takes a deep breath and walks over to you, somewhat cold latte in hand

“um,” he clears his throat, his face growing red as he slides the mug towards you “i made this for you”

“aw thanks ni-ki! why is it green” “........its matcha?”

youre slightly suspicious but you look back to the mug and slowly realise that the “drawing” slightly resembles a heart, smiling a little bit to yourself

when you look back to him, youre a little confused as to why hes just standing there

“is something wrong?” you press the mug to your lips, taking a sip

“o-uh uh actually, i wanted to ask if… if you would uh maybe sort of go on a date with me”

you can only smile

“yes, but…”

his heart starts beating faster, watching you anxiously

you stand up, taking the notepad and pen from his apron pocket and scribbling your phone number

“only if you promise to learn how to make actual coffee” you wink, handing him the notepad and sauntering out of the shop

hes stood there dumbstruck, stars in his eyes at the slip of paper in his hand

but then he realises: he has a new mission

rushing to the back room, he slams the door open

“grandpa, i need you to teach me how to make coffee right now” “literally why do i pay you”

with your promise in mind, the others see him work more diligently at the counter than they ever have before

“wow youre actually working today?” “shut up i need to figure out how to do this butterfly before i pry my eyes out with a fork” “haha funny joke ni-” “did i stutter”

at the end of the week, he forces heeseung (the cafe’s best coffee maker) and sunoo (the cafe’s best latte artist) to judge his latte

“this is… surprisingly good” heeseung peers into the mug, smiling at the swan ni-ki created with the latte foam as sunoo grumbles “dont tell me im gonna have to start competing with this kid, it probably tastes gross” “it tastes amazing too” “im quitting”

with his coworkers’ notes in mind, he finally works up the nerve to send you a quick message telling you to come into the shop

when you arrive the next day, ni-ki greets you and immediately gets to work, making sure to stand as close as humanly possible to your booth so he can show off his newly acquired coffee making skills

with you only inches away, he does make a mistake and spill milk on his shirt after looking at you and not his hands for a second too long, but you decide to give him the benefit of the doubt when he sets the mug in front of you

“wow! this heart is perfect!”

you smile, looking up to him “did you seriously learn how to do latte art just so you could take me on a date?” “… y-yeah, and?”

you can only chuckle as you press the mug to your lips, readying yourself to drink liquid dirt…

“this is… really good!” you grin, taking another sip and putting the mug down on its saucer

“i think you’ve definitely earned yourself a date… or two”

at this news, ni-ki’s face lights up, shoving the urge to scream down his throat before nodding stiffly to try and contain his excitement with a strained “cool” escaping his lips

“are you okay ni-ki?” “yes just give me one second”

he quickly scrambles to the break room, a moment of silence wafting through the store before a shrill scream fills the air

eyes wide, you turn to jay, who had been manning the till, after hearing him burst into laughter

“what is he doing?”

“we told him the freezer was sound proof”

[negandarylsatisfaction]

[SUMMARY: Blade is a fearless woman out in the apocalypse on her own when she comes across Negan in the woods. Quickly feeling a connection with him, Negan learns Blade does not like to share him.]

Smut

Negan and Blade

It had been eight months into the apocalypse now, you had no shelter, little water and only squirrels left to eat. Being by yourself wasnt much of a strain for you as most of your life you spent alone before the apocalypse. Standing by a fire you made in the woods, you cooked a few squirrels you had caught earlier in the day sharpening your knives leaning against a tree. Suddenly hearing the sound of crunching leaves not to far from you, you instantly stopped what you were doing. Putting your hood over your head you slowly began to turn, your knife ready for aim when a man appeared through the trees.

"Shit," you whispered looking at the fire behind you. Not trusting anyone, you didnt want to cause any attention on yourself but it was too late.

"What do we have here?" A mans voice made you turn back quickly ready for defense.

"Dont come any closer." The man could barely see your face hiding behind your hood. Noticing the knife in your hand the man lifted up his hands with a lazy smile.

"Come on, sweetheart. Put that down before you hurt yourself."

"Oh arent you quite funny." The sarcasm in your tone he actually liked. Observing what you had around you the man frowned noticing squirrels being cooked behind you.

"Ho-ly shit. Squirrels? Really, sweetheart?"

Right away you could tell this man was one who liked to play games, arrogant and slick. A man who thought he had a alot of charm thinking he could distract you with his little pet names.

"Stop speaking. Where the hell did you come from?"

"More like where the hell did you come from, darling. As far as I'm concerned your on my side of the woods." The cockiness in his tone made you scowl, he didnt seem intimated by you at all.

"Says who?"

"Says me. Negan."

"Well, Negan. I dont give a shit who you say you are. This is free land now get out of my face before you get hurt."

"Well shit-" Negan observed you from head to toe raising his brows.

"You do look like a you can give a mean fight." He noticed your buckled up black boots, your black ripped jeans, black top and a leather jacket, just like him. Yet, he couldnt help himself. With a smirk he slowly put his hands down and started to walk towards you.

"Dont push me, I mean it." You warned him waving the knife in his face when he suddenly caught your wrist in his hand. Still, you moved too quickly for him. Negan didnt expect you to get loose so quickly and next thing he knew you now had the knife pointed sharply against his neck. Looking up, careful not to move he laughed in disbelief as you held your place.

"Well look at that, a little tougher than I thought after all." Still with a cocky tone yet a look of surprise in his eyes, Negan did not move.

"Listen, darling I've got a sanctuary not far from here." He looked around at your surroundings with the knife still pointed at his neck.

"You look like you could use some help-"

"I dont." You responded stubbornly, truth be told you definitely needed help. But, having always found a way out of your struggles you were sure youd find a way.

"Listen to me. I have a sanctuary, I can give you a place to stay. You can have real food, shit we can use a girl like you on our side. What do ya say?" You couldnt believe even with a knife to his throat this man still had the urge to smile down at you. His offer did not sound bad at all, after all it was getting cold and you were running low on food.

"Where is the place?" You asked as he responded by pointing in the direction he came from. After a moment of uncertainty you slowly pulled the knife away from his neck leaving a red mark. Negan cracked his neck with a sigh.

"And if I dont like it. I'm leaving."

"Whatever you want, woman." Negan stood back as you gathered your belongings and pulled your hood back. For the first time Negan got a glimpse of the woman whom he had just had a confrontation with. Long dark hair lay over your shoulder as he noticed the other side of your head shaved.

"Mmm." A sound of satisfaction escaping his lips making you look up.

"What?" You asked with an attitude that he couldnt help but want to see more of.

"Nothing, darling. Nothing at all."

"Well, are you going to lead to where the hell this place is?" Placing your hands on your hips you asked with very little patience.

"This fucking woman." Negan muttered under his breath with a chuckle before leading the walk before you. Usually you would've never trusted a strange man this way but desperate times called for desperate measures. Plus, you knew how to defend yourself, you had faced worse before.

After a bit Negan and you walked side by side, his eyes helplessly drifting to you here and there. Your style attracting him, your fearlessness intriguing him, Negan wanted to know more.

"Do you have a name?"

"Of course I do." You responded sarcastically.

"Well are you going to tell me it, darling? Or are you going to make me fight for that too? I mean unless its cause you like the nicknames I've given you-"

"My name is Blade." Your interruption quickly silencing him.

"Blade..." he repeated as he looked you up and down.

"It sure fits."

Negan led you into what he called the Sanctuary. A heavily guarded space with many others, you had no idea how close you were to so much life all along. Right away you noticed each person having a job at the Sanctuary as everyone looked busy working on something. It was clear they didnt stay here for free. Introducing you to who he called his 'right hand man' Simon, Negan showed you around. In a room you entered, sat a few ladies clearly dressed differently from everyone else.

"These here are my lovely wives."

"Wives?" You looked at him strangely before looking back at the women. They were dressed in tight short black dresses, all wearing heels, you wondered where they found any of this. Raising a brow at him you crossed your arms wondering what he had in mind.

"If you thought I came back with you here to play a role of one of your wives, your sadly mistaken." Your loud voice making the women turn to you wondering who you were. Negan right away blocked their view of you, standing before you as he leaned one hand on the wall behind you.

"Easy, sweetheart. It wasnt a thought but since you mentioned it-" he bit down on his bottom lip.

"You would look damn good in a tight little dress."

"You wish," your tone just as arrogant as his and he liked it.

"Just a little bit." He whispered before you moved out of the small space he cornered you in and left the room.

"Just show me where I'm staying." Walking off Negan followed you closing the door behind him. Showing you the room you would stay in, it was nice to see a bed. You couldnt remember the last time you slept in a bed, it had been months. Negan noticed the way you looked at it and wondered how hard you must've had it all alone. He wondered how long you were all alone.

"This good enough?"

"Its great," your attitude quickly changing back to a nonchalant manner.

"Tell me, Blade-" Negan took a step in front of you wanting to be face to face.

"How long you been on your own?"

His question making you throw your head back with a chuckle, it had been so long since you last saw your family.

"Since I was seventeen," Negan frowned with your response a bit confused.

"Oh I been on my own long before this apocalyptic world ever took over. This is nothing new for me having to fend for myself, Negan. That's why I said if I have to leave I will, nothing I haven't handled before."

Negan squinted his eyes as you spoke, he could tell you've had it rough.

"Well let's hope you dont have to....I think it'd be nice having you around."

Was that a genuine compliment that didnt involve your looks or any sarcastic remark? He could tell you almost cracked a smile.

"Well, I'll let you get settled in. Theres food in the next room, make yourself comfortable." Negan began to walk out before you quickly turned towards him and called out for him.

"Hey Negan?"

"Mhm?" He turned to you leaning on the door way.

"Thanks," without saying a word he winked at you and left the room.

The next few days you began helping out the men by securing the fences surrounding the sanctuary. No one had put you up to this job but you knew you could do it.

"Well well well, I dont remember assigning you to this." Negan showed up behind you watching you twist the wires securely.

"I'm good with my hands, didnt think you'd mind."

"Good with your hands huh?"

Rolling your eyes you turned to him making him laugh.

"I'm sorry, some times I cant help myself."

"Well learn how to, or save that energy for all those wives."

Negan raised his brows at your quick come backs. A man who always enjoyed giving sarcasm yet rarely was ever on the other end.

"God you're fun to tease," you couldnt help but laugh along with him. You knew he purposely picked at you just to hear you come back at him. He enjoyed the feistiness you gave him, he enjoyed you not giving a shit to what he might think.

Just as you finished you went back inside to grab something to eat and Negan followed. He watched as you prepared yourself a sandwich, reaching across the table making your shirt go up he noticed a tattoo on your hip.

"What's that you got there?" Standing back straight you looked down to where his eyes were and pulled your shirt down.

"A tattoo. What never heard of one?" You responded defensively making him smirk.

"I got a few myself. Rarely come across women with them, especially in such a....sensitive spot." His voice was low as he came to realization that maybe you enjoyed a little bit of pain.

"Can I see it?"

Hesitantly you pressed your lips together before slightly lifting up your shirt and revealing a tattoo of a rose wrapped in barb wire.

"Mmmm.." he leaned in looking at it closely.

"Mean anything?"

"My middle name is Rose," you explained as he his eyes squinted.

"I take it the barb wire means pain," he continued looking up into your eyes.

"You can say that," you responded softly.

"How old are you, Blade?"

"31," you sat down across from him and began to eat.

"So you've been on your own since 17, shit wheres your family?"

"Hopefully dead," your response was blunt before you took another bite.

"Surrounded by assholes huh?"

"Real big assholes. They didn't care for me so I dont care for them, I've been better off alone anyways."

"I cant argue with that," Negans eyes wandered over your features.

"Done a pretty good job with yourself."

Not really knowing how to take a compliment without some form of back handed comment you looked away.

"Yeah well you gotta do what you gotta do," you responded confidently.

"What are you doing here anyways? Wont your wives wonder where you are?"

Negan chuckled at the mention of them, he could tell you were enjoying his company and didnt want him to leave.

"I wont go anywhere if you dont want me to, darling." His unexpected response making your cheeks turn red.

"I never said-"

"Do you really think you can lie to me?" He leaned in close staring directly into your eyes across the table.

"Why the hell do you want to stay anyways?"

"Maybe I like spending time with you too."

What the hell was this man doing? It was hard to deny that you did indeed like spending time with him but, this was the last thing you needed. The man had multiple wives, an arrogant way of thinking but God he was so sexy.. His style attracted you to him, his voice, his eyes whenever he spoke to you.

"What are you thinking about?" Negan bit his bottom lip with a smile, he could see right through you.

"Nothing. I'm exhausted and I'm full and want to go to bed soon."

"Oh yeah? Is that what's going through your head right now?"

"Yes. That's it." You stood up picking up your plate and taking it to the sink. Negan stood up with you eagerly following you by the counter.

"You sure that's what you're thinking about?" He asked again with a grin leaning his face close to yours.

"I think you're thinking about something that involves me....and you just cant admit it." His voice was a deep whisper, the way he spoke sent a tingle to the pit of your stomach.

"No the hell I am not. What the hell makes you think that?" You walked past him rushing into your bedroom as he quickly followed behind.

"Look at you, you could barely stay still. You're fidgeting, getting all nervous. Am I making you nervous, baby?" He teased.

"Dont call me baby," you turned to him with frustration.

"Fine," he stepped close to you and spoke very slowly.

"Then look me in the eyes and tell me you're not thinking about what I could do to you." Your lips parted as you smelled his scent so close to you. You couldnt speak, you couldnt move and Negan knew he had complete control. Looking down at your lips he slowly caressed your face and leaned in for a soft kiss. Not fighting it you felt his lips sensually move against yours, his tongue slipping through the crack of your lips to tease yours. Moaning against him, Negan didnt separate his lips from you as he reached behind him and shut the door. Taking off his jacket and quickly unbuttoning his pants Negan threw you back on the bed. Continuing to kiss you down to your neck, you felt his tongue make swirls on your skin making you squeeze him.

Negan pulled off your clothing and aggresivly turned you around. The tattoo of the barb wire rose continuing from your side to your lower back made Negan lick his lips in satisfaction.

"Get up," he spoke hoarsely as you got on your knees and positioned yourself in front of him. Feeling his large hand on your lower back you felt him easily slide in you. Negan wasted no time in grabbing your hips and making you slam back against him. Moaning you grabbed the covers tightly, it had been so long since you felt this pleasure. Negan could tell by the way you cried out when he first entered you. The sound of longing to be touched, the sound of your needs finally being met.

"Give it to me harder," you spoke seductively only arousing him more. Negan grabbed you by your hair pulling you back up against him. His hand grabbing your throat as he pressed his lips to the side of your face and kept thrusting. Groaning, he gave your throat a tighter squeeze. Gasping for air, you could hear him breathing erratically against your ear.

"Oh Blade," you rolled your eyes back at the sound of his voice, he couldn't hold himself any longer. Negan pushed you back down before he quickly pulled out and released himself all over your back.

"Fuck.." he moaned as he stepped back out of breath. Cleaning yourself up as he got dressed, you stood up and walked towards him

"You should stay here tonight," your suggestion making him look up at you with half a smile.

"Oh darling I would. I've got some business I need to take care of but-" he stood up and ran his hands up your thighs and hips.

"I promise I'll come by as soon as I'm done." Negan grabbed your face and kissed you passionately. What the hell was going on with you? Why was this man getting a hold on you so quickly? Without saying anything more Negan left your room leaving you to think over what just happened. Leaving you to think over the way he looked at you, the things he said to you. He actually admitted to liking to spend time with you, the thought made you blush to yourself. You couldnt wait for him to return, it being so late at night you wondered what business he had to take care of. A little while later you stepped out of the room with a smile still on your face when you looked up and suddenly felt a crushing feeling in your chest. Negan was coming out of a room with two of his wives laughing. Of course you knew he had wives but after having touched him and slept with him, the thought of another woman with him made you burn with anger.

"Some business you got going huh?" The smile immediately left Negans face as he looked up at you before him.

"Blade, darling-"

"Dont 'Blade darling' me, what the hell I was thinking?" Angrily you walked off back to your room leaving the two women confused as Negan sighed. Following you to your room he entered right behind you slamming the door shut behind him.

"What the hell is your problem with me?"

"What is my problem? Taking care of business huh? Business with those girls?"

Negan frowned with a puzzled expression.

"Pardon my french, sweetheart but wait a fucking minute, are you jealous?"

"No! I'm not jealous," you denied the truth as you turned your back to him.

"I just dont like sharing what's mine."

Negan raised his brows surprised with your response.

"So I'm yours now huh?"

You scoffed at him turning to walk passed him before he blocked your way.

"Hang on now, Blade. I actually kinda like the sound of that. So does that make you mine now too?"

"No, why would I want to be yours when you have all those women, "you spoke in disgust before raising your brow as if you has just come up with an idea.

"Well since you get to have your fair share, then I should too. Simon looks-"

"Oh I'd be very careful where you're going with that, sweetheart." His expression turning very serious as he stepped closer to you.

"Why cant I have my own fun, it's not like I'm one of your wives who have to abide by your selfish rules while you do as you please." None of the women Negan had met had the nerve to argue his way of being.

"I dont want you to be one of them," he shot back.

"Good, cause I didnt want to anyways."

"You know what the fuck I want?" Negans voice rose as he took a step closer to you.

"I just want you to be mine and shit, I'll be yours the way you want me to." Negans words catching you completely off guard, so unexpected it left you speechless. There was something Negan couldnt explain that pulled him to you in a way he had never felt with any of the other women. Negan may not have been a one woman man most of his life but when someone caught his eye, it was hard for him to look past it.

"You dont even know me," you muttered.

"Shit, you dont even know me all that well but I know you have the same damn feeling I have." The two of you looked at each other in silence, you couldnt deny the connection you felt with him.

"You dont want the wives? Hell, they dont have to be there but-" he unexpectedly pulled you close to him aggresivly.

"I expect there to be no one else on your side either."

"I'm not looking for anyone else," your response was quick and spoken with confidence.

"Good," a smile slowly spread across his lips as you felt his hand slide down your back and grab your ass.

"You're lucky I like you," you squinted your eyes up at him making him laugh.

"Shit, well I am honored, doll."

"Dont patronize me," you scowled at him.

"Not at all, Blade, not at all."

Negan leaned in and took your lips with his feeling content with the thought of you being the only woman for him.

[zmayadw]

And the next one as promised :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 6

The day i got released form hospital finaly came. I was happy about it, taking a breath of fresh air will be a welcoming change after over three weeks in here. Some bruises wer still visable, and my head hurted from time to time, but other then that the doctor gave me a green light. And having too much free time makes your toughts wonder in wrong direction too much. Thinking about Jake was my daily routine, and i hoped once i get out other things will get me occupied. Jessy wanted me to stay with her, but i managed to persuade her that i'd be better of at the motel. She reluclantly agreed, but I argued that i would still be resting most of the time, and promised her we will see eachother every day, wich made her respect my decision a bit more. She called me that moring, telling Dan will come and drive me to the motel, because she was bussy planing a surprise for me. „Oh, Jessy, pleas dont go overboard, it is my first day out, i wont be up for much.“ I protested, but she quickly reasured me its nothing big. Knowing Jessy, i was sceptical about it, but she sounded so happy that i just agreed to whatever she had in plan. I was about done packing, when Doris came bringing me my dischrage papers. She gave them to me, embracing me in a tight hug „You be good now, hun. And remember what i told you before.“ She said, giving me one more of her winks. „Thank you, Doris.“ I replied, handig her a chocholate bombonier i asked Jessy to get me. „For everything.“ I hugged her once more. „No need to thank me, hun.“  „Ahh, Doris, im jelaous, i didnt get a hug from you when i was leaving the hospital.“ It was Dan, being dramatic again. I laughed, as Doris went for the door „Schmacks dont deserve hugs!“ she grinned at him, and left. „She likes me...she just wont admit it.“ Dan said, grining. „So,you ready to leave this shithole?“ „Definatly!“ i said, taking my discharge papers and putting them in my pack. Dan took it from me, and we left the room, taking the elevator down. Stepping outside was so refreshing, i stopped at the exit for a brief moment, wich made Dan turn „You allrigh there?“ „Im good, just appriciate being outside again.“ I smiled. We continued to the car. Dan opened the door for me, putted my stuff on the back seat, and we drove towards motel. I rolled the window down letting the cool morning air blow to my face and through my hair. The drive wouldnt last that long, and Dan informed me that Jessy booked the room for me already and took the rest of my stuff there, and my car also waiting for me at the motels parking. „Dan, whats Jessy planing for me today?“ i asked. „Oh, no,no, im keeping my mouth shut!“ he replied, but i groaned at him pleading „Please, Dan, at least give me a hint. I just got out of hospital, and to be honest, im not up for big fanfaras, but i dont want to dissapoint Jessy either. And lets be honest, its Jessy wer talking about here, nothing is small or meaningless with her.“ He laughed at that „Your right about that! Alright, ill tell you, but if she realize you knew something..“ „Dont worry, i can act being genuinely surprised with no problem.“ I asured him. „Well, its nothing much, rellay. We're taking you for dinner.“ he said. Ok, thats not so bad, i tought, i do have to eat. „And she invited the gang to Aurora this evening, to celebrate your release from hospital.“ Ugh, i hoped that wouldnt happen so soon, that i would at least have a day or so for me before seeing everyone. „Ah, crap, i guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.“ I said, adding „Later would be better, tho.“ „Dont worry, Maya, ill be there to rescue you, AGAIN.“ He grinned at me, and i grinned back „Good, because i just might need some rescuing, again.“

Dan left me at the motel, and i entered the small checkin office. The woman behind the counter was eldery, and she smiled at me „Good morning, miss, what can i do for you?“. „Morning'“ i replied, smiling back „I had a room booked for me by a friend, i guess you know her, Jessica Hawkins?“. She smiled more now „Ah, ofcourse, miss Cole i presume?“ i nooded in agreement. „Yes, Jessica brought all your belongings already. I would just ask for you to fill this, please.“ She handed me that check in paper you get at every motel. I filled it, and she gave me the key.“You're at room 11, its on your right once you leave the office. And i'm Ms. Walter, fell free to ask if you need anything.“ „Thanks, i will.“ I replied, taking the key.

The room looked cozy enough. It had a big bed, with a little nightstand next to it with a lamp on it. There was a midium size table in front of a big window, wich i immidiatly felt greatefull for, since some natural light is what i prefere for my drawing work, and a closet next to it. Across from the bed was a  TV, and a little refrigeratore under it. The bathroom was small, wich is more then enough. I left my stuff on the bed, when i noticed a note on the nightstand. 'The car key is in the nightstand drawer. Get some rest, and see you later! Xoxo' It was from Jessy, and that made me smile. I took the key and went to the car to get the rest of my stuff. The day was nice and sunny, and i tought i souldnt spend the whole day in the motel. I went back to the room, unpacked, grabed some clean clothes and went for a shower. When i got dressed i sat at te table and turned my laptop on. I checked my mails, and some job offers. Its good when you're a freelancer, you can work from anywhere, and I actually felt some work might keep me occupied and not let my mind wonder to Jake.  The tought of him leaving my hospital room  two weeks ago still pained me, but i cant sit here and despair all the time, so i decided to grab my drawing stuff and head exploring. I hoped Jessy wouldt mind me going to town alone, she did promise me a grand tour of it once im out of the hospital. I took my phone and texted her „Hey hey, setteled at the motel. Going for a walk arround, but dont worry, im still looking forward for my tour arround Duskwood with you! xoxo“. She replied soon „Oh, nice, have fun! Just stay out of woods! xD See you for dinner J „. Great, now i could leave without feeling any guilt. I grabbed my backpack and left the motel.

I decidet to walk towards the marketplace, i had plenty of time since it wasnt even noon yet, and Jessy and Dan wont pick me up before 19. I passed a small bakery on my way there, and bought me some food and a bottle of water. The streets leading towards marketplace wer small and narrow, mostly with older buildings and pretty quiet. After some 30-40 minutes of slow walk,  i emerged to the marketplace, and it was comepletly different. The crowd thickened, and the place hummed with life. In the center was a nice funtain, with benches in circle arround it. Few wer occupied with people: one had an eldery couple, just sitting there on the sun and talking, on the other wer two mothers, drinking coffee while kids wer running arround, giggling and enjoying a nice day. I sat on one of the free benches, and took my drawing pad out. The warmth of the sun felt nice, and i began drawing. I can get quite zoomed out of my surroundings when drawing, so when i finaly noticed someone was standing in front of me, i jumped, and my penciles flew all over the floor. I started to stan up from the bench, at the same time that someone started to bend down to help pick them up,our heads coliding. That sent me sitting back on the banch, as both of us groaned from the impact. „Auch.“ I flinched, looking at the person stnding there. It was Jake. „Sorry, i didnt mean to sneak up on you.“ he said, still rubbing his forehead. „No, no, its fine, i was really focused, i didnt see you there.“ I barely managed to say, my voice shakey, clumsely picking my penciles from the floor.He was the last person i expected to run into. I really wasnt ready for this, the knot in my stomach starting to form, as i finaly collected all the penciles and sat back on the bench. I knew we wer gonna run at each other eventualy, but not so soon. He sat next to me, and i could notice by his body language he was a bit nervouse, too. „You look better.“ he said after a moment of silence, giving me a small smile, wich made my heart skip from joy. „Thanks, i feel much better,too.“ I replied, smiling back. He was looking at me so tenderly, and the heat from the sun made me so hot, i had a feeling my cheeks wer red as a lobster. He run his hand through his hair, and all i could think is how much i wanna do that. His look became more serious now, his eyes becoming darker, but that tenderness was still present. „Maya..“ he started „That day at the hospital.. I didnt..I'm sorry..“ but i interupted him. „No need to appologise, Jake, really.“ And he really didnt have to. I continued, before he could say anything else. „Look, its like this: you had every right to act like you did, and even tho it wasnt easy for me to hear you say those stuff, you wer right, in a way.“ He looked me a bit confused. „You wer probably right, I didnt think quite hard about every possible thing that could go wrong, and God knows i had more luck then im willing to admit. But thats just who i am: i act, i go with the flow, i make mistakes. And i appologise when I realize I was wrong, wich I would do to you if you just stayed for a while more. And i mean appologise for not telling you, or anyone about my plan, not for what i did at the end, hence me saying that you wer right in a way.“ I looked at him, he was still calm, not a trace of that anger i saw at the hospital anywhere on his face. That made me relax a bit. „Maya, just let me...“ he started again, but i interputed him once more „Please, Jake, just let me finish, then you can say whatever you wnat.“ He nodded in agreement. „ I know saying 'sorry' at that time seemed so pointless, but you have to know that i really am sorry, Jake, a thousand times sorry. Yet, i still stand by what i said, i would do it all over again, no matter the qonsequences.“ I paused for a moment, before i continued „I really hope you can forgive me. I got so used at having you in my life, and for it to end here and now...“ He looked at me, but i couldnt bring myself to look back at him. I just stared at my hands, not realizing this whole time i was clasping them so tightly. „I hope you wont shut me out of your life comepletly.“ We sat there in silence for what seemed like eternity. I got my courage and looked at him. He was staring in the distance now. „I felt helpless.“ he said, looking back at me now. „It got me...scared.“ he confessed, and i ached to just hug him. I could see this was being hard for him, saying it. „I've had that happen once before in my life, and it didnt end well.“ His eyes became so sad. „I'm not sure im ready to go through it again.“ That knot at my stomach tightened as he said it, but i took a deep breath „I understand. I'v let you down, i know. But i hope with time, you will be able to trust me again..let me be your friend, at least.“ Friend...that word felt so wrong to me. I didnt want to be just his 'friend', i wanted to be more, so much more. But, i guess at the moment i would be happy with anything. He stared at me for a moment, and before he said it, a smile formed at the corner of his lips „One step at the time.“ „Thats all im asking.“ I said, smiling shyly. He sat there in silence for a brief moment before slowely getting up. „You're good, by the way.“ He said, and i looked at him puzzeled, wich made him smile. He had such a sincere and wonderfull smile. „Your drawing, its good.“ He continued, pointing at my drawing pad. „Oh, that, thanks!“ i replied. „I better be good, i doubt i'll get paid otherwise .“ i grinned. He shook his head at me smiling, walking slowely away from the bench „See you arround, Maya.“ „See you, Jake.“ Watching him walk away this time didnt leave me in pain and agony. I felt hope again. Maybe Doris and Jessy weren't talking nonsence, afterall, I tought, not realising i was grinning like crazy.

After Jake left, i just sat there, letting my heart stop beating insanely. I was really happy for how our unexpected meeting went, i tought there really was some hope for us again. Oh man, Jessy will go crazy when i tell her all about it, she will so rub me her ' i told you so's' in the face! That got me laughing out loud, a few passerbys looking at me like i was crazy. And they wer right, i was crazy! Crazy for Jake. Everything about him drow me crazy: his gorgeous eyes, that ruffeled hair, and that beautifull smile. He shoud definatly smile more, i tought, his whole face smiles when he does it. The churchbell chimmed five , and i cursed under my breath. I better head back to the motel, i need another shower for sure. I quickly grabbed my stuff from the bench, deciding to grab coffee before headiding back. My toughts wer still running wild about Jake as i was walking back towards motel, i colided with a man. I almost dropped my coffe, quickly appologizing. „Be carefull there, miss, you never know who you might bump into.“  He said, a bit grim, like he was makeing a threath. I looked at him a bit astonished „Uhm, i will mister, thanks for your advice. And, sorry again!“ I slowly turned and continued my way. Strange guy i tought, but didnt pay any more toughts about it continuing back to the motel.

[newtedison]

my thoughts on the crank palace

i touched about this a bit on twitter (@newtedison_) but i figured i would Try and touch on my points more here (spoilers obv) again, its sort of lengthy

1. im gonna start with talking about the ending because i need to get it out of the way. either i havent read the books in a while and i forgot some canon (which could very well be true, i literally forgot that Bliss was a thing) or this ending makes no sense and is (somehow) setting up for a tdc sequel? so first off, newt was shot in the Head with a Bullet and somehow didnt immediately die? i know that that can happen in real life but it just seems so unlikely that not only would he not die, but he would survive long enough for someone from WCKD to transport him back to their labs and try to revive him. and who the fuck was he talking to? did thomas get newt’s journal at some point and i just dont remember? like i said, either im forgetting stuff or this ending doesnt make sense and is setting up a sequel which...i’ll get to later

2. why was this written? like, what was the point? i understand that this wasnt going to be all sunshine and rainbows but i feel like i was reading torture porn. like, literally all that happens is newt gets tortured (which is described in detail) by WCKD soldiers, has bouts of insane-fueled rage where he KILLS MULTIPLE PEOPLE, and then he dies. ??? what did this contribute to the canon? what was this trying to accomplish? truthfully, i never really wanted a newt-POV...well, anything except for maybe those little nuggets he wrote some time ago. but even if i HAD wanted a newt-POV novella, this is not what i would have wanted. he KNOWS that newt is almost universally the most loved character in this franchise. you can tell because he constantly uses him as a way to get fans in his good graces again. so why on earth would he take that character that so many people love and write a novella where its torture porn and a descent into madness before death? i am not interested in that At All. i’ve read fics (and even written a drabble) where newt is a Crank, and those were more respectful and easier to read than tcp. the parts where newt is having bouts of the Flare were literally exhausting to read; it was described in such vivid and torturous detail that it made me sick reading it. and it didnt help that newt is a character i care a lot about. i didn’t need to know what becoming a Crank felt like. the way it was described in the other books (and even the movies) told me everything i needed to know. the way thomas and everyone found newt at the crank palace in tdc and hes described as obviously not well, but not knowing what exactly happened to him...thats good enough on its own. the mystery of what exactly newt had to endure is part of what gives his journey more emotional depth. not everything needs to be written out and explained. not every gap needs to be filled in. 

3. me saying “the characterization felt off” is going to make some people roll their eyes because ‘duh, sami, the characterization will be off because he’s going insane’ to which i say...exactly. we weren’t really reading a newt-POV novella, were we? even if he isn’t past the Gone in the beginning, hes clearly not the same person we knew him as. the whole novella felt like an uncanny valley situation; i knew i was supposed to be reading about newt, but it felt like i was reading about someone else who looked like him. and that is part of what made this such a disconnect and made me lose interest at parts. not only that, but the world building and lore is inconsistent. newt makes a comment about how it used to rain in the glade, and apparently (as ive been told) that is simply not true. keisha having somehow working cell phone that magically connects her to her family also doesnt make sense. how would they have each others’ numbers? what are the odds that they BOTH found working cell phones in an apocalypse? i get that its a novella but you cant just throw something that crazy in there as a plot convenience. actually work on your plot and world building in a cohesive way, please. and another thing that doesnt make sense...

4. ...is newt finding out that sonya is his sister. if there was anything i would have wanted from a newt-pov novella, it would have been this. him finding out that not only is sonya his sister, but he already knows her post-WCKD. something that would have made this novella actually captivating, contributing something worthwhile to the canon that i would actually want to read, is if newt found out while in the crank palace that sonya was his sister; the Flare would remove that part of the Slice in his brain, and he would realize it was her. then, knowing that he couldnt go past the Gone before seeing her, he would try to find a way to get back to her. he could learn this after thomas and everyone originally see him, so it could match up with the canon. and then, by the time 250 comes along, hes lost all hope of that actually happening, and lashes out to thomas in a fit of rage. the journey of him trying to find his ACTUAL sister would have meant more to me than the story of keisha and dante. trust me, i love a found family trope as much as the next girl. but this series is FULL of the found family trope. it pretty much is the backbone of the franchise. so to see a blood family dynamic would have been a refreshing change of pace that i actually would have been interested in reading. also, the way that newt DOES find out about sonya is...underwhelming. he just randomly says “you remind me of my sister, sonya” to keisha in the WCKD truck. first of all, sonya is not the name you would actually know her by. you would know her by her birth name (which is lizzy? elizabeth?). second, why does he act like he didnt already meet her in the series? when the WCKD doctor tells him sonya is his sister and is alive, hes so surprised. wouldn’t he have known that already? why is there not more emphasis on the fact he already met her? that would have been a really interesting dynamic to explore, and im sad they didnt

5. the pacing and dialogue of tcp is so dragged out. i remember specifically there was a section where newt goes to talk to keisha after she starts abandoning dante, and i swear to god there was a page and a half of text before anything ACTUALLY happened or anyone ACTUALLY said anything. dashner described a launcher at one point as “the energy dependent electric firing projectile device.” that’s SIX words to describe a stun gun. a fucking stun gun! we know what it is! why did you have to use six words??? it just felt like everything was dragged and stretched to the longest it could possibly be and it added to the exhaustion i felt while reading it

6. okay i cant end it without talking about newtmas. its very obvious by now that newtmas is a VERY large part of this fanbase. its clearly the most popular ship and what keeps a lot of people interested in this series. even the marketing team for the MOVIES used newtmas as a advertising tactic (i.e.; using thomas and newt standing face to face as a thumbnail for the trailer, emphasizing newtmas based questions in interviews, even making a fucking facebook memories video for them. yes that last one is real). not only does dashner use newt as a way to lure fans in; he also uses newtmas. the parts that were sprinkled into this were so obvious that it didnt feel authentic. i cant speak for the original trilogy; i dont know the culture around ships back then, and i dont know how much it influenced his writing at the time. but the scenes in those books felt more genuine than tcp. by genuine i mean; he wrote scenes without a relationship in mind, but the chemistry had noticeable subtext that, while unintentional, was largely agreed upon by the larger audience. the parts of newtmas he added into tcp felt artificial and forced, likely as a way for people to take snippets of and use as a free marketing tool for him. one example you might have already seen; “he had already gotten used to his post-thomas, post-WCKD life.” the fact that dashner SPECIFICALLY used the phrase “post-thomas” rather than “post-his friends” or something similar shows that he is using newtmas as a hook on purpose. not only that, but to make newt’s last thoughts as he died “tommy. tommy will understand...” is...wow. first of all, i never wanted to know what newt’s dying thoughts were, but thanks, i guess? and second, when we all initially thought newt died underneath thomas with a gun to his head, i was pretty much inferred that newts last thoughts would probably be about thomas; they would sort of have to be, given the circumstances. so adding that in gives me the same feeling that “i’m coming for you, newt” at the end of the fever code gave me. not as offensive, but written very much on purpose. and the ending is implying that there will somehow be a sequel where thomas gets newt’s journal from...someone. at this point, i can only think that this sequel will retroactively make newtmas canon somehow. now that newt has been confirmed as gay, it could happen. which brings me to my last point...

7. hearing dashner confirm newt is gay was already mind-boggling before. now that i’ve read the crank palace...im angry. im very angry. i think its safe to say that newt is the character that suffers the most in this series. you can argue with me but hes definitely high on the list, if not #1. so; you take this character. you give him a horribly sad arc in the original trilogy, then decide to expand upon it and tell us, your largely QUEER fanbase, exactly how painful and torturous his last days were, in detail. and then you tell us he’s gay. something that is never mentioned in the canon, only in an offhanded reply to a tweet of someone calling you out. on a base level, i can understand why people would be happy. representation (i guess), seeing themselves in the character, having their headcanons be confirmed. great. but what i see is you telling your largely queer fanbase “hey, you see the only confirmed gay character? im going to literally write torture porn about him before killing him off and offer it to you like im providing a service to your community.” how fucked up is that? “hey, kids, if youre gay, you WILL be violently tortured and become violent and a danger to the ones you love. then you will die and your love will never be reciprocated.” what a message! and if he DOES end up retroactively making newtmas “canon” in some weird sequel...i will start foaming at the mouth. THIS is an example of how not all queer representation is good or genuine.

i’ve definitely forgotten some points but this is long enough already. let me know if you agree or if theres anything else you want to add! im interested in what you guys think

(8. I JUST REMEMBERED!!! if WCKD needed to study newt so bad bc sonya is his sister and is immune while he isnt, why did they let him run around the crank palace in the first place??? you cant test his vitals or anything you’re literally just watching him. what is the point????)

[arthurflecksgirl]

Hi sweety❤️ Can I have a fic where Arthur helps x reader who's having a panick attack? him calming her down, cuddling her... thank you so much 😘

My dear friend. Thank you sooooo much for your request. I really really hope you like the result.

Summary: You`re greateful for how far you and Arthur had come in your relationship, how much progress he made to experience true happiness. But then you discover one of his journal entries. Is he still in the same dark place he was before? Just the thought of him suffering is giving you a panic attack. But Arthur is right there with you...

The dim light from the tv screen was the only light that filled the living room. Murray Franklin was talking to a well known comedian. You watched Arthur resting on the couch. He was falling asleep during the live show, even though he was looking forward to this episode all day, he was so tired, his eyes got heavy when Ellis Draine and his Jazz Orchestra started playing already.

"One day" you thought watching him breathe in and out like it was the easierest thing to do when you suffered from waht he had been through. One day he will be sitting on Murrays couch and telling his own jokes. And his idol will be proud of him like a father. Because he deserved it. He deserved the world.

Arthur seemed at peace with himself sleeping. That was new. Which made you proud of how far you two have come in your relationship. He was getting better.You felt it every morning waking up, receiving your good morning kiss from his coffee stained lips and cigarette tasting breath. He was making baby steps but looking at it now, over a year later it was a total different world he was living in. The one you created together. Ever since you met him you wanted to cure him. To support and comfort him through everyday life. To help him out of his mindset which was all that he had known since he was little.

People kept telling you that it was impossible to heal wounds like his. To heal someone that experienced his kind of trauma. That all he needed was proffessional help. But you knew that they missed out at something. Just because he needed his meds didnt mean that love wasnt the key for his cure.  You knew that there were some scars hidden inside of him, buried so deep that it would take years to get through and be able to work on that. But you also knew that being  loved was the only thing in this world that could ease Arthurs pain and make him the man he always wanted to be. He was destined to be.

And every single day  spent together was proof that he was making progress. His smile became more and more genuine. His laughing fits didnt happen as often anymore and if so they wouldnt last that long because you would hold him and help him breathe until it was over. He also told you about his journal entries and how they changed. His therapist was also seeing the changes. He was talking about how much more poetry and beautiful thoughts filled the pages.

You gently stroke his hair. Watching him sleep always felt pretty intimate to you. He was so vulnerable and unaware of his beauty. But you knew that even in his sleep he was aware of another thing- your love. Thats why he was even able to get some sleep.

You took another close look at his face. You could never get enough of him. It was risky to give him a kiss on his closed eyelids. Arthur had a very light sleep and could wake up any second but there was no way to fight the urge to do so. His eyelid fluttered under the soft touch of your bottom lip, but he didnt wake. You let your index finger travel over his dark eyebrows. They were shaped so perfectly, matching his piercing eyes and the slight circles underneath them. His body was still stressed out from work. His fragile body which was trying so hard not to break down while starving.

His stomach problems caused by his meds was another thing you had to work through. You looked at the bowl on the table. he almost finished his soup today, which was a good sign. You smiled, got up from your knees and walked to his desk to get the empty cups of coffee from the morning. It was time to make the dishes.

But the moment you grabbed the cups his journal distracted you. It was opened. You wondered about his last entries, the ones he wanted to show you because he wrote some new poems lately.

It took you a moment to think about if it was even okay to have a look at the opened page but it was already too late. One sententence was marked, the letters thicker than the rest of the written words. It caught your eye without a warning. And when you read it, your heart stopped for a second.

"I just hope my death makes more cents than my life"

Why?

Why the hell would he write something cruel like that?

The letters started to blurr through your tears. One tear was falling upon the page. Right on the word HOPE.

Shit. Now he would notice that you came near this page. You nerveausly grabbed a handkerchief and pressed it on the spot where the tear was soaking through the page. It was too late, making it look even worse.

You started to cry , throwing the handkerchief on the floor.

Why?

Yo thought he was getting better. There was so much proof.

Did he felt like his life was worthless?

Didnt make any sense?

Was he feeling like all of this wasnt making sense?

You thought you helped him.

Was it al in your mind? His proress? Him becoming a happier version of himself? Was it all a lie you told yourself?

The possibility of Arthurstill being the same tortured soul as when you met him simply broke your heart.

Why was a beautiful and gentle soul like him suffering so much? How cruel can the world be to him?

Was he still wishing he was dead? Was he still lying in bed at night, fantasizing about ending his own life?  Would he ever hurt himself again? Risking to being locked up at Arkham, so there was no chance to share a bed together? Just visits with him being handcuffed on the other side of the table? Was there still a chance he was that unhappy inside?

Tears fell like rain.

The pain inside your heart grew with every thought that crossed your mind. If life was still torture to him, why wouldnt he talk about this to you? Didnt he trusted you enough? Was he embarrassed about how he felt? Or was it simply because he didnt wanted you to get worried about his condition?

It was all too much.

You started to feel like your throath was getting tighter. Like the walls were closing in. Everything inside of you screamed. There was this nameless fear inside of your guts. Possesing you, hurting you. It was getting harder and harder to breathe.

Dizzyness overcame you with all its power. Cold sweat. All of the sudden the happiness you felt while watching him sleep was being sucked out of your body. And now all you knew was fear.  Liek it was the only emotion left in the world. Pure, naked fear in its rawest form.

A panic attack.

You had experienced this before but never this intense.

You sat down on the chair, trying not to look at the opened journal again.  It hurt so much. All of it did. Your body. Your heart. Mostly your heart. And your head. Both heavy from tears and the thought of Arthur being suicidal.

Your breathing got heavier as you started to sobb.

And then you heard Arthurs footsteps. His naked feet on the floor. You woke him up. He was finally resting and you woke him. This made you feel even worse.

"Oh my god Y/N, darling. What happened?" He noticed your tears and heavy breathing.

"Dont worry....Arhur....please....just go back to sleep okay? You need your sleep.  You`ve been working hard today...."

Arthur checked your pulse "Oh shit, your heart is racing. Did you took any medication? "

"No..."

"Did something else happen?" He checked your forehead, noticed your shaking hands. "Looks like you`re having a panic attack. I know the symptoms very well. I had so many in the past when I woke up from nightmares."

You nodded. Still sobbing like a baby. Arthur gave you one of his handkerchiefes and started to stroke your hair "Oh darling, I kow this feels terrible. But it will pass. Just try to breathe. Breathe with me okay. Remember when you helped me breathe during my laughing fits? I will do the same with you now okay?"

"Okay"

Arthur lifted you up and carried you to the couch.

"Is that okay? Is it comfortable?" you nodded. He was so caring it broke your heart. He cared so much about you, while inside he was suffering from so much pain.

He positioned himself behind you, resting both of his hands on your tummy and told you to breathe in and out like he did. Until you felt your breath becoming one with his. Just as calm and deep.

"Good" he whispered, his gentle fingers under your shirt. He knew that skin on skin contact helped calming you down.

"You`re doing great" his voice was everything you needed to hear.

"Oh Arthur....I feel like I cant breathe...."

"Shhhhhhtt.....baby I know. I know how it feels. Your body is telling you lies. You can breathe. Just do it with me."

"You felt Arthurs chest lifting up and down, his warm breath in your neck. He was everything to you. You needed him to be happy.

Arthur placed thoughtful kisses all over your neck. As soft as a butterflies wings. You tried to concentrate on the details. His long , dark eyelashes crossing the spot behind your ears. The tip of his nose tickeling you. His muffled "I love you`s".

"I`m sorry I woke you up"

"Dont be!"

"There was this sudden fear coming over me. It was like....I thought I was dying."

"I´m right here with you Y/N. Nothing bad is going to happen to you, I promise!"

You nodded. Knowing he was right. Nothing could harm you with Arthurs arms around you. You just wished it was the same the other way around. Wasnt it the same?

His journal said it wasnt.  His written words hitting you like a knife.

"Do you know what triggered this?" He asked you, while his hand was caressing your chest.

Should you tell him? He would notice the wet spot on his journal page anyway.

"Arthur I am so scared to tell you this but...I was ...oh god....I was looking at your opened diary  page. It was lying on teh table when I was getting the coffee cups and there was this sentence that caught my eyes......" you started to sobb uncontrolable.

"What page?" he asked "Please dont cry. Ohhhhhh please ...." he pulled you closer to his chest so his heartbeat was pressed against you.

"You wrote....."I just hope my death makes more cents than my life...." Arthur. This hit me so hard. I didnt knew you still felt like this. I dont know.....what to say....I`m just.......oh Arthur....." you pressed yourself against him as if your life depended on it. Arthurs white shirt was now soaked with tears.

"Ohhh nooo darling. That was my old journal. My therapist wanted to bring it back to her to proof how much progress I made since I met you!"

You loosened your embrace to look him in the eyes "W-What?"

"Yeah" he shrugged "I just marked the darkest pages to see how far we have come and stopped at this one before going to sleep."

The weight of the world was falling off your shoulders "Really?"

"Yes.....oh  Y/N I am so sorry you had to go through these emotions just because I was so stupid to leave my old journal lying on the table. "

"You are not stupid Arthur!"

"Well this time I was"

"It was my fault....I shouldnt have looked at the page in the first place".

The air was finally coming back. Your body was starting to relax again.

Arthur held you close in his arms "That was the old me. And yes sometimes I´m still having dark thoughts but its just.....echoes from the past. Its not part of our reality anymore. Its just ghosts. They`re not real. Just trying to tell me lies. So I am not listening to them . I´m listening to you. To your words of love and comfort. I`m save with you. And you are save with me. Remember?"

"I remember Arthur. I love you so much!"

"I love you more"

"Thats impossible" you smiled, kissing his upper lip.

Arthur rested his head in the crook of your neck whispering "If I`ve learned one thing from being loved, its this: Nothing`s impossible - with you in my arms".

@impulsiveclown @will-you-be-there @jokerownsmysoul @missjoker96 @arthurskitten @lynnesm @nonnymousse @gwynplaine89 @ajokeformur-ray@damnrightobsessedwithim @sgtsavoytruffle  @duhliriouss  @flowerglitterwoman @thirstforfleck @spookyhome @iartsometimes  @you-cant-cry-in-here @bustafatclownnut @jokerismyhubbie  @check-out-this-joker @darknessisafriend  @arthurhappyclown    @neon-umbrella-for-stella    @call-me-harley-quinn  @arthurjokersgirl

@aarthurfleckk @mylovelycrazyworld @clownalog @ajokerfangirl  @the-one-who-is-chaos @sabrinaeileensnape @raven-romanoff

[feeling-uncomfy]

Sorry this took so long @aestheticallytiredandpathetic but I gave the #5 fix idea finished!! Im gonna have to write fluff after because DAMN—

There is a blood/injury and mentions of suicide warning, be warned!

Hope you enjoy!!

The day had started normally. Really it had, it was a nice day, light clouds scattered in the sky. Bakugo and the rest of the band were relaxing on the common areas couch when Denki pointed at the T.V.

It drew everyone's attention, Todoroki and Midoryia poking there heads over the couch and Kirishima plopped himself on the floor. Hawks and Tokoyami were shown on the screen, Hawks was laughing and patting Tokoyami's shoulder.

"We're gonna work on some people-skills, right Tsukuyomi?" Tokoyami nodded simply as a reporter shoved a microphone into his face. Tokoyami wasn't cut out for this. There was a loud scream and the two heros tensed, ready to fight.

"Heya Hawks!" Miruko landed beside Tokoyami, grinning. Hawks sighed and smiled easily. "What's up Miruko?" The reporters were talking, and Miruko shrugged. "Hate to spring this on you, but..." Miruko smirked.

Tokoyami let out a squawk as Miruko lifted him easily over one shoulder. "Gonna borrow your intern here for the day!" Without waiting for a response, she jumped away. Hawks was left gaping and Tokoyami was taken away. "Thanks, I'll bring him back later!" She called over her shoulder.

Kaminari laughed loudly, and Bakugo snorted. "Oh no you dont! Give Tsukuyomi back!" Hawks yelled, kicking off. Thus began the chase of a lifetime.

Tokoyami had no choice but to be dragged all over Kushu as Miruko tried to avoid Hawks. They almost matched in speed, which made things interesting. Miruko had lost grip on Tokoyami several times, and Hawks was barely able to catch him. Tokoyami managed to have a little fun though.

Miruko got her grip on the teen again as they soared through the sky. "We should be able to cut through here if we—" Miruko was cut off by the building next to them suddenly being destroyed. Something came crashing through, hitting into the pair.

"Holy shit—! Hang on, kid!" Miruko yelled as they were sent falling to the ground. Tokoyami clung onto Miruko's arm, and they smacked onto the roof and rolled. Tokoyami groaned in pain and looked up. A large nomu stood in front of them, cloaking them in shadow. There were many other smaller nomu with it.

Tokoyami got up on shaky legs and was ready to fight. Hawks must not be aware of this, or he'd be here. Miruko sprinted past him, and Tokoyami followed. With Dark Shadow's assistance, Tokoyami knocked nomu away and tried to stop the people from getting harmed. The large nomu appeared in front of him, and Tokoyami was sent flying with an aggressive swipe of its hand.

Miruko was next to him in seconds, helping him stand. "You good, kid?" Tokoyami shook his head to stop the world from spinning. He nodded and stood straighter. Miruko grinned ferally. "Let's kick some ass!" She went running, Tokoyami hot on her heels. The nomu was saying something, it seemed to be complaining. Hawks showed up, Endeavor and a news crew following.

"Sorry we're a little late." Hawks flew down and pat his interns shoulder. Tokoyami looked up gratefully. Hawks zipped forward into the fray. Tokoyami jumped forward, preparing to attack, when—

"Friend!" Tokoyami stopped and turned his head in the direction the nomu was looking. One of the weaker nomu was trapped under rubble. The nomu looked panicked, and struggled against Hawks, Miruko and Endeavor. It seemed worried.

Tokoyami skidded to a stop. The weaker nomu struggled, clearly in pain. Hawks let out a shout of pain and was knocked into Endeavor, and the two went flying. Miruko was shoved away, crashing into a wall with a yell.

The large nomu called out for its friend again. Tokoyami turned and ran forward, and carefully lifted the rubble. He was curious, but also knew how stupidly dangerous this was. The weaker nomu scrambled towards the larger one, and they exchanged headpats? The larger nomu stared suspiciously at Tokoyami.

Shigaraki and the strange Doctor stared as this child-soldier saved the enemy. "What a weirdo. Kill him." Shigaraki ordered bluntly, and the large nomu ran forward, intent on killing. "Wait! I want to know why the child did that!" The Doctor yelled. Shigaraki sighed. "Fine. Bring him home." He ordered.

The class was watching, worried. Tokoyami blinked and the nomu was in his face. "Wait!—" Hawks looked up at his interns face, and saw the pure fear. The nomu's hand came down. Yamomo gasped loudly and Jirou covered her mouth in shock.

Bakugo froze, and Kirishima went silent. The whole class stared in astonishment. Aziawa's eyes were wide, and he gripped his chair. "Tsukuyomi!" Hawks yelled, getting to his feet.

The nomu turned, and left. Hawks couldn't see his intern, all he saw has his hand, and blood dripped off from his fingertips. Hawks flew after them, cussing. "Give him back, you big bastard—!" The nomu turned and smacked Hawks with one arm, and Hawks went tumbling.

"You won't get away with him! Let go!" Hawks attacked it again, harder this time. The nomu let out a roar and took a random piece of rubble, throwing it at Hawks. It hit his head, and he fell, wings flopping uselessely. Miruko caught him, and Endeavor shot forward. He didnt have much luck either.

Hawks sat up. "Tsukuyomi!" He called. Miruko stared at the large fresh blood stain splattered on the ground. "He's lost a lot of blood. Its probably coming from his head." She muttered, picking Hawks up. "Let's go. We've gotta call for backup." Hawks didn't budge. "Let's go, birdbrain." Hawks left.

The news feed cut off.

In his rage, Bakugo stood and set off explosions. Aziawa stood roughly and his chair toppled over. The class was startled by the loud noise. "Aziawa..." All Might started, worried. Aziawa didnt say anything. He left the room in a rush. Bakugo followed shortly.

Tokoyami woke up to someone poking him. He grimaces and shoved the hand back, and opens an eye. The man standing over him grins under his mask, and turns. "The kid is awake! About damn time too. I was getting bored." Tokoyami was confused.

"Twice, leave him alone. Remember last time you got too physical?" A voice called, and the man above shivered. "I thought those nomu were supposed to be nice to us?!" He said, stomping towards Tokoyami. He lifted him up by the cloak with one hand, staring into his eyes.

"Hey, kid. What'd you do to get the nomu on your side? Dont tell me!" Tokoyami blinked, everything was fuzzy. Tokoyami's voice came out muffled and slurred. "Dunno... what you mean..." His eyes drooped close. He was shook violently. "You're not allowed fall asleep yet! Shigaraki wants to talk!"

Tokoyami's eyes snapped open. He was definitely awake now. "Wha—?! Shigaraki? Wait–!" He was dragged forward. Twice dropped him onto the floor. There were bright lights, blinding him. Tokoyami squinted up at the figure in the corner, and the door slammed shut. The figure moved closer.

Tokoyami stared in fear. Standing over him was the most dangerous villain in Japan. He took off the hand constantly covering his face and glared down at him. "The Doctor wasnt bothered enough to come ask you this himself, so I'm here instead." His voice was like static grinding against a cheese grater, it was disgusting.

'This bitch needs to drink some water...' Dark Shadow commented from within. Tokoyami agreed. Shigaraki held onto the edge of Tokoyami's cloak with four fingers. "Do you know what my quirk is? If you dont, I'll gladly give you a demonstration." Tokoyami shivered as the last finger came down, leaving him in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Your hand is next if you dont give me an answer." Shigaraki threatened. Tokoyami swallowed and nodded. Shigaraki grinned. 'Ew, brush you teeth, and work on that smile... disgusting.' Dark Shadow crackled from inside. It took all of Tokoyami's resolve not to laugh as well.

Shigaraki bent down and huffed, his breath hitting Tokoyami's face. He almost gagged. 'I'm begging for someone to introduce him to toothpaste' Tokoyami pleaded, and Dark Shadow was already screaming his discomfort.

"How did you get that nomu to cooperate with you?" Shigaraki asked. Tokoyami blinked. "The nomu?" Shigaraki got back up and kicked Tokoyami's chest. He hit the ground and coughed. "Yeah, the nomu seems to be attached to you..." He hissed. "I dont know, I cant control what it does." Tokoyami reply is forced out as he tries to breathe.

"Why'd you save the other nomu then? You have to have a decent answer for that." Tokoyami looks up to find Shigaraki's cold glare baring into his soul. "It was in trouble." He answered simply. Shigaraki laughed, and the sound was horrible, it made Tokoyami wince.

"Yeah, like a hero would risk their life for the enemy." Shigaraki scoffed. "I dont know why I saved it. The other nomu was worried, and I acted on instinct." Tokoyami spoke truthfully. Shigaraki raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, sure." He said, and kicked Tokoyami's chest again.

Tokoyami wheezed as Shigaraki lifted him with four fingers. "Well, now that I have you here..." He grinned. "Another question." Tokoyami was prepared to answer another question about a nomu.

"How do you get into U.A?" Tokoyami froze. "What?" He asked, genuinely confused. Shigaraki growled and pushed him down, and Tokoyami hissed as his back collided hard with the ground again. "You heard me, brat. How do you get into U.A?"

Tokoyami scoffed. "I'm not telling you. What makes you think I'd tell you anything?" Tokoyami hoped he sounded less afraid than he felt. Shigaraki smiled again, and held something sharp in his hand. "Because of you dont tell me..." He said, digging the object into Tokoyami's shoulder.

Tokoyami cried out in pain. "This will be the least painful thing you feel. Understand?" Tokoyami glared up at the villain. "Do your worst. I'm not telling you anything." He shot back. It was a silent promise to himself, and to Shigaraki. He wasnt going to break.

Shigaraki sighed, and leaned into a speaker on the table. "Bring them in. Our guest is being uncooperative." Tokoyami swallowed his nerves as three people walked in. Twice, Toga and Spinner. Shigaraki sat on the table, grinning.

"Welcome. At our guest's request, do your worst." Tokoyami's eyes widened. Twice laughed and got to work, punching Tokoyami's face. Toga took her time pulling out a knife. Spinner shuffled a little awkwardly at first, but got into it after a minute.

Shigaraki laughed as Tokoyami started screaming in pain. This was his own fault, after all. Dabi stood waiting behind the door, huffing as the screams grew louder.

"No." Aziawa deadpanned, holding Bakugo and Midoryia down with his capture weapon. "But, sir! Tokoyami is in danger—" Shouji tried to reason, and ended up victim of Aziawa's weapon too. "I'm well aware. But you're still students, and some are targets of the league. Under no circumstances are any of you to engage with them. Understood?"

The class begrudgingly promised not to engage. "But what if we—?" Mina's arms was wrapped in capture weapon. "I understand your concerns." Aziawa repeats for the third time. "But it's a no. There will be a rescue team of pro heros sent out to get Tokoyami back. If I catch wind of you there so help me–"

Aziawa glared. "Shigaraki and the league's torture will be nothing compared to what I'll do." The class seemed to stop complaining so much after. He left them in All Might's hands and met with Hawks and the rest of the team.

"The class wont intervene. Hopefully." Hawks laughed, though it was forced. "Come on, we've got a bird to save." Endeavor scoffed. "I still don't understand how you found the place so fast." Hawks grinned up at him.

"I've always got a feather stuffed somewhere on my intern." Hawks said simply. Endeavor gaped at him. "What? I'm always prepared for these sorts of things." Aziawa rolled his eyes at Hawks's reply, and Miruko slapped his shoulder. "After the seventh or eighth time Hawks landed Tokoyami in hospital, he just sorta started doing it." She explained to the teacher.

Aziawa glared at Hawks. "I'm well aware that Hawks has the tendency to land my student in hospital." His glare was like ice. "For various reasons." He added coldly. Hawks shrugged. "Hey, I told you I'm not good at this 'having a kid' thing." He said defensively.

"That doesn't excuse the fact you landed my kid in hospital over thirty seven times this past year alone! I told you he couldn't have dairy, and the same day I get a call—" Aziawa was ranting, ready to recite every time he'd been called in for some stupid reason, but Endeavor cut him off.

"That's enough! Shigaraki isnt a patient man, and if we do not act now there may not be another chance to get the child stuck in a hospital again." The words struck a chord in the group. Hawks hadn't thought thay far ahead. They took him because they wanted him, right? They wouldnt kill him if he was useful.

Would they?

Aziawa huffed and started walking. "Let's hurry. And don't do anything illogical. Let's do things rationally." Miruko rolled a shoulder, hearing it crack. "Whatever, I'm gonna kick Shigaraki's musty face in!" Hawks laughed. "Yeah, you do that." Aziawa and Endeavor rolled their eyes in unison and lead the way.

"Their both like interns..." Endeavor commented as they walked. Aziawa nodded. "I love and hate that about them." He answered quietly. They walked the rest of the way in silence.

"Haven't you had enough yet?" Tokoyami slammed onto the ground again, crying out in pain. Twice was gearing up for another blow, and Toga had sufficiently taken a solid months worth of blood from him. He was exhausted, and he wanted to go home.

Tokoyami spat blood out, and tried to brace himself on shaking hands. "I'm not going to tell you anything." He spat, willing himself to stay upright. Shigaraki scoffed. "Fine, have it your way. Twice?"

"Already on it! I dont wanna punch the kid anymore!" Tokoyami heard the fist collide before he felt the pain. He was sent straight down, cursing. Toga stabbed his shoulder again, earning a loud shout. Spinner had a bat, and took a swing. Tokoyami fell back, utterly spent and sore.

Shigaraki tutted. "This is all so useless. We could get along so much better if you would hear me out." He said quietly, sitting untouched on the table. Tokoyami scoffed. "Forgive me of I don't feel like listening to a psycho who's been torturing me for the past hour!" He said, gaining confidence.

Shigaraki glared down at him. "You little–" Tokoyami flinched, prepared for the blow. It never came, instead, the door opened with a crash. "We've gotta go. Heros." Dabi said, glancing down at the teen. Shigaraki growled. "Fucking– you know what? Fine." He turned to Tokoyami. "Have the nomu that likes this brat so much take him." Shigaraki ordered.

Dabi didnt hesitate. "That's dangerous. And stupid." Shigaraki turned to him. "You got a better idea, hot stuff?" Dabi didnt respond. "I thought so. Twice, let the nomu out." Twice nodded enthusiastically, then shook his head. He left.

Tokoyami wasnt sure what to expect, but it wasnt this. The nomu came rushing in, smaking Dabi away. Tokoyami was picked up and the nomu growled at everyone else in the room. It looked down at Tokoyami. "Hurt?" It asked.

Tokoyami blinked. "I'm fine." He answered slowly. It was a lie, but he wasnt about to admit that the villains hurt him. "Lies." It growled, and took a swipe at the league. Spinner yelled as Shigaraki cursed and grabbed his arm, pulling him back. The nomu turned and ran through the wall. Tokoyami let out a shout of fear as they took to the skies, Tokoyami gripping onto the nomu's neck like a lifeline.

They flew through the sky, the beginning of the sunset light hitting Tokoyami's face. "Where are we going?!" He screamed over the wind. The nomu didnt look at him. "Safe." It said simply. Well, that didnt help. Tokoyami looked around, and gasped.

"Hawks?!"

Hawks had been looking up at the nomu as it zoomed overhead. He caught Tokoyami's eye. "Kid?! What are you—" Tokoyami cut him off. "Wait, Hawks! Help–" The nomu turned right suddenly, and Tokoyami almost went flying. Tokoyami was petrified, clinging onto the slimy and slippery skin, close to tears.

Whether that was from the pain or fear, he wasnt sure.

Hawks flew after them, Endeavor hot on his heels, literally and figuratively. Miruko came in as a close second, and Aziawa bright up the rear with the police. "Take care if the league." Aziawa called, running forward.

"Let Tsukuyomi go! Stupid—" Hawks yelled, and was surprised when it did. Tokoyami let out a screech of fear as he plummeted towards the ground at incredible speed. Hawks dived for him, and Miruko flew forward. "Got him!" She caught Tokoyami in her arms, and he clung tight, trembling.

"Great, now let's—Shit!!" Miruko was thrown off course as the nomu reached for them. Hawks panicked. This wasnt part of the plan. Endeavor grabbed Miruko's arm, and steered them to a rooftop. The nomu let out a roar as it knocked Miruko away, and Tokoyami smaked onto the ground hard, and he was left gasping.

Endeavor growled. A portal opened, and Spinner, Shigaraki and Dabi showed up. They looked ready to fight, but everyone was taken by surprise when the nomu swung wildly at them all. Hawks was thrown off balance, and the three villains were sent off the roof.

The nomu let out another shout and grabbed Endeavor's face, and slammed it into the concrete. Tokoyami was frozen and the nomu repeatedly slammed the number one heros head into the ground. "Wait! Stop it, let him go!" Tokoyami ran forward and grabbed at the nomu's arm, tugging with all his might.

The nomu turned, and Tokoyami choked as the nomu wrapped it's free hand around his neck. Endeavor was forgotten, left bleeding on the building. Tokoyami struggled, trying to get free. His windpipe was crushed, and he wheezed. His vision was blacking out around the edges, and everything was fuzzy.

Tokoyami clawed at the hand in fear. He couldn't breathe, he needed to get out, he begged for someone to help, he didnt want to die—

There was a snap.

Dabi heard and stared, wide-eyed. Shigaraki cursed as Tokoyami stopped struggling, falling limp in the nomu's hold. "Oh my god..." Spinner said, gripping the ledge he was clutching so tight his knuckles were a light green.

Hawks heard the sound and looked up. 'Please be a bone, any bone, don't be—' He saw his interns hand fall, useless. Miruko gasped loudly, hands shaking. Aziawa showed up, and saw his student hang lifeless. "Holy..." The words caught in his throat.

Hawks couldn't believe what he was looking at. "No, no no no no..." He ran forward, and the nomu dropped him. The nomu turned and ran. Shigaraki muttered something, and he and Spinner disappeared through the portal. Dabi didn't follow. He stared as Hawks caught his kid and held him gently.

Tokoyami's eyes were still open. Red and full of fear, staring up at the sky as it it had grown a pair of hands and flipped him off. Hawks stared at his students neck. It wasn't very obvious because of the red cloth, but it had definitely been broken. His interns chest didnt rise or fall, it stayed still and the tremors had stopped too.

Aziawa came over quietly. He stared at his students eyes for a moment before shutting them. Hawks shook, head buried in his kids shoulder. Miruko came over sluggishly. "I'm sorry..." She whispered, voice cracking. Hawks shook his head, refusing to believe it.

There was movement. Maybe...?

Dark Shadow emerged, small and wispy. "I'm sorry I couldn't keep him safe..." The quirk said softly. "And I'm sorry I cant stay." Hawks looked up. Dark Shadow faded. "I'll tell Fumi you said hello! Maybe we can see you soon? After Fumi wakes up?" There wasnt an answer.

The last piece of Tokoyami disappeared, and the heros were left alone.

Hawks let out a dry sob. That was the only sound made for a long time.

Dabi left. He didnt say anything, but sat on a balcony and smoked. He took a long drag before looking up. "Sorry, bird brain..." Dabi said to no one. He took another drag and sighed.

Breaking the news was hard, and it took a while for things to go back to 'normal' but the class helped each other move on slowly. Hawks didnt last much longer, and the world lost two birds-heros.

When they reunited, they were happy. Albeit rocky at the start, but they got used to the whole 'we get to haunt people now' thing quickly. Hawks– Kiego had fun with his bird-bro in the afterlife, and that made death worth it.

Lordie if this didnt kill me—

Also I'm sorry for it rushing at the end! I wanted to get it out as quick as I could.

Hope you enjoyed this! Fluff is next because they need a break lmao—

[flower-of-the-desert]

Thoughts on 2gether ep12

I knew last episode was a false sense of security and now there’s

(I love this gif so much, it works for all kinds of things that cause pain)

but seriously though, I am here for the drama like I loved how soft and fluffy it was so far but now gimme a little bit of angst for the climax please and thank you; but dont forget that happy ending ok? OK?????

I said last week and I’ll say it again, I really do love that Tine and Wat’s problems are coming from their own character flaws and issues and like yes, there’s Pam but she’s not... really the core of it you know? Like obviously the real problems here are Tine’s insecurities and overhinking and Sarawat’s not being very forthcoming with things he thinks will embarrass him in front of Tine which is kind of fascinating to me cause we saw the same thing last ep when Wat didnt want to admit the clip was for Tine at first because he was embarrassed/shy and now with the song I’m guessing it’s the same thing and/or it’s not ready yet and Wat doesnt want to tell Tine until he’s got it perfected

but it’s the combination of those two flaws of their that’s driving the drama right now - Pam being just the catalyst - and it’s all going to backfire spectacularly on Wat next episode

.... and I am here for it, this is character drama I can get behind

speaking of Pam, I wonder if that’s not another misunderstanding there when she said I love you? as in I love you romantically or I love you as a dear friend? And she also says she wants to go back to how things were before but before she wasnt dating Wat, they were just closer as friends than they are now

I hope that’s what they’re going for like she misses having Wat as a friend and wants to get their friendship back and not that she’s in love with him

I think it would work better thematically with Tine being insecure and seeing things through that lense rather than what they are in reality

but omg, my man Mil really pull through! I’m so happy he’s finally moving on from his feelings for Tine and by giving back the bracelet he’s basically telling Wat to not waste the chance he has to be with Tine now by not being careful

I read a comment after last episode that I really really liked saying that Mil doesnt really seem interested in Tine anymore but what he was doing in ep11 was mostly just to get on Wat’s nerves and trying to be friends with Tine at the very least (trying to explain himself about the attack because he didnt want Tine to be scared of him/to think he was that kind of a person) and I think this scene absolutely proves that and I love it

also the fact that he remembered that today was Phukong’s exam and sent him an encouraging message 💖💖💖

I love how Tine and Wat are walking with their hands around each other

and now we’re taking a shower together O_o

I’m not complaining

you know, I’m not getting any deeper into the kissing/sex debate because like I said last week, yes I agree that it makes sense for them to be touching more as in the show has set it up that they want to do it but this episode absolutely semented for me that the implications are there that they do do it off screen but we’re not gonna see that and usually I would be upset about it because 1) I am horny bird with a dirty dirty brain, 2) I loooooooove touchy-feely couples in general and 3) it makes sense for your couple to be physically intimate from a pure writing POV unless you’ve set up some reason for them not to be which is clearly not the case here

but... I dont know, with these two it just doesnt bother me as much as it normally would; I dont know why, maybe it’s that I adore how well developed their emotional intimacy is (and like you cant find THAT in most couples in TV either so that’s already a big plus) and that they’re clearly comfortable touching/being near each other/getting in each other’s space like a couple WOULD do, it’s the heavier stuff that is left off screen and that’s a writing choice they apparently decided to go with and well, it is what it is

the only complaint I have is that they really should have had a few more kisses, like not on FTTT’s level of making out like your life depends on it but at least little pecks here and there, I think that would have been perfect

ANYWAY, so those are my finale thoughts on that matter, MOVING ON phew

Tine’s so gone he’s smiling at a picture of Wat while being in the same room as him which is frankly #mood

Tine’s just like I do not vibe with this so I’m removing myself from the situation the moment Pam opened her mouth and he just TURNED THE FUCK AROUND AND WALKED AWAY

I thought Sarawat was the one to look out for when it comes to jealousy but Mr I’m gonna punish you all night long here is actually the real deal

Type and Man are EXACTLY that cat/dog meme and I’m living for it, this entire scene is just so funny and Type’s little “open it” at the end is just 🤣

I like how they’re building up Tine’s insecurities over Pam little by little by having Tine find similarities between them and then with the talk about first loves and letting us see how he comes to the conclusions he does so it makes sense how it all happens

holy shit I did not expect Man/Type to break my heart too but HERE WE ARE

that dinner scene was so hard to get through especially because what Man is going through realising he’s got nothing much to offer Type at the moment, financially speaking and that he’s still a first year and he’s got  a lot of things left to do for his own future and life and just... that hits hard

unpopular opinion but I actually like that Type left with the asshole boss because 1) that’s gonna make him realise that he does miss Man when he stops coming to him next ep and 2) like from Type’s POV it makes sense? he barely knows this kid that’s been chasing him non-spot and annoying him and yeah, sure he’s helpful and seems genuine in his feelings and Type clearly is starting to melt a little but but he also wants to not lose his job and offend his boss (he might be a total jackass but he’s still Type’s boss) so he’s got no choice but to prevent the situation from escalating

also I like to think that maybe part of why he decided to leave  was cause he was trying to protect Man by not letting him get in a fight with the guy

also did I say how much I am here for the drama next week when Man really does stop looking for him and Type realises oh shit I did NOT want that and yells at Man for disappearing on him after making him feel these things

which is basically like how Tine decided to go about confessing his feelings  not like a normal Braincell-filled person but accusing Wat of not taking responsibility for making Tine fantasize about kissing him and OMG these two really are brothers, arent they?

I really was hoping Wat would say Tine was his first love but THEN he proceeded to snatch my wig with saying that what he felt for Pam was nothing like what he felt for Tine that day at the concert and being so ridiculously OFFENDED when Tine said he and Pam were alike he was like wHAt?? you are like her??? PLEASE YOU ARE THE WEIRDEST PERSON I’VE EVER MET AND I LOVE YOU PLS NEVER LEAVE ME

AND THEN TINE BREAKS DOWN COMPLETELY AT THE END THINKING HE’S LOST WAT LIKE FULL ON SOBBING AND HITTING THE WALL AND SHAKING HIS HEAD IN DENIAL AND I AM NOT OK

WHO LET ME WATCH THAT

I NEED A HUG

TINE NEEDS A HUG

anyway, I am fine

next episode looks like it’s gonna be choked full of some of my favourite tropes and honestly I canNOT wait

but dont forget that happy ending though OK??????

[thequeenb]

Our Story (part 5)

Pairings: KamilahxMC

Amy was surrounded by darkness, the silence around her was deadly. She could hear cries, screams but she couldn't move, she couldn't see.

"We finally meet" a voice could be heard and when she opened her eyes she could see a figure walking towards her

With every strength she had left she was able to get out three words and only "Where am i?"

The figure laughed, it wasnt a pleasant sound it was the most scary thing she ever heard. She compared it to Kamilah's sweet laugh, on the way her lips curved into an amusing smile, the way her head fell back as the genuine melodic sound escaped her mouth

"I have been waiting for this moment for centuries"

She opened her eyes, everything was pinch black but she felt a strong power surrounding her, eating her whole.

"Wha..but how..this is.." she couldn't wrap her mind around it

"This my child..is where it will all start"

"Who are you?" Amy asked, her words echoed through the void as the figure was now stepping Infront of her

But it didn't respond, it's eyes turned red, two pointy fangs were the only bright light that she could see.

"Oh Amy..its all my fault"

"Kamilah.." Amy breathed out. She closed her eyes shut trying to focus on her sweet voice but the darkness was pulling her away slowly

___

She was keeping her distance from Amy's bed. If she approached it would feel more real, more painful. The doctors left her alone in the room to say her goodbye but how can you say goodbye to the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?

Her father gave her privacy even she protest against it. She made her way next to her slowly, every step more hurtful than the last.

"Oh Amy..its all my fault" she finally spoke, her voice was heavy filled with emotions

She wanted to stroke her hair, to hold her hand but she was afraid to feel her lifeless body, the woman who brought life everywhere she went is laying dead Infront of her very own eyes

"I am sorry..i am so sorry" her eyes were now wet, her heart was breaking and she could feel it, she felt like someone stabbed her million times over and over again

She felt responsible for all this, if they never met Amy would now be alive, breathing, enjoying life. She felt selfish for introducing her into her complicated life, for failing to protect her.

Her lips dared to touch her cold skin. It was so gentle, like she was scared that she would break her. She kissed her forehead whispering a prayer while she was pulling away.

Her tears now fell freely, even when she tried to wipe them away the kept falling uncomfortably. That's when a soft knock brought her back to reality

The doctor came in with the nurses, an apologetic look was drawn on his face "Its time" he said calmly but Kamilah was the opposite of calm

"No..no please" she whispered as the nurses pushed Amy's bed carefully trying to take her away

"No AMY NO" she screamed without realising it as the doctor held her still

She could easily break him apart but she couldn't, every nerve on her body was tensed, she tried to brush him off and get to Amy but he held her trying to explain that they do what they have to do

"Let me go!! You cant..you cant take her..no"

Even if she was the most powerful vampire she now felt weak, her legs were giving up as she watched Amy disappear into the hallway

The doctor placed her on a chair bringing her water but she just wrapped her arms around herself trying to convince herself that Amy didn't die. She held tight on the neckless she gave her on Solstice, the only piece she has left of her.

___

Gloria was walking down the street trying to reach the hospital when she noticed a familiar figure sitting on a bench outside. Her heart was racing, her husband called her heartbroken, but she prepared herself years now for this day

Hesitantly she approached Kamilah who was looking at the night sky lost in her own world, a word where there was still hope

She was so taken aback that she didn't noticed Gloria sitting next to her until she spoke

"I am sorry" she said wiping her own tears

Kamilah looked at her, all her pain turned into anger "What do you want?" Her voice was cold, detached from all her emotions

Gloria blinked at her, she didn't knew what to say, how to make her understand

"She was my daughter, i love her even if you believe otherwise"

"I really dont want to talk to you" Kamilah stood up but a hand on her shoulder stopped her, when she looked into the woman's eyes she could see regret, pain

"I know what you are"

"Yes, a hazard to society, i know your beliefs" she rolled her eyes, trying not to show vulnerability to the woman who hurt Amy for so many years

They sat in silence, each on her own thoughts. A silent sob came from Gloria while she reached her pocket handing Kamilah a photo of young Amy

"She was..she was eight years old here" she said sadly pointing at her bright smile "i wanted to protect her but i couldn't"

Kamilah's attention was caught at the true emotions she was showing. She held the photo trying not to let herself lose control, because if she did there was no turning back

"Why are you doing this now?" She asked trying to understand her intentions

Gloria sat back at the bench skeptical trying to find the correct words

"I know what you ar--"

"Yes we talked about this already"

"No dear..i know you are.." she paused thinking of the right words "a creature..the one i knew one day would come into my daughter's life"

Kamilah was speechless, maybe this way a trap, a way to get answers out of her. There is no way she could have known except if Amy told her, which she didn't

"I don't understand what are you implying"

"You might think i am the monster in this story, but i knew that a danger would approach soon"

For the first time Kamilah tried to understand Gloria. It felt like they had something in common, they both tried to protect Amy and they failed

"Your husband told me about the paparazzi you know" her anger was building up remembering the accident

"I..i simply wanted to know about your lives, i didn't think--"

"You didn't think that telling them where we are was dangerous??" Kamilah's tone now changed

"I..i wanted to protect Amy and she wouldn't talk to us so--"

But Kamilah now started walking away, tears escaping her eyes. She couldn't bear to look at the woman who was responsible for their accident, responsible for Amy's loss

"You can't run away from destiny" Gloria said looking at the photo in her hand

Kamilah stopped her tracks midway, the fury inside her ripping her apart. Beyond her control she grabbed Gloria by her collar her eyes turning crimson red

"She would be here if you didn't tell them anything!!"

She breathed hard trying to control her heartbeat, her grip wasn't tight anymore when she realised what she had done

Gloria didn't flinch instead she was calm, ready to deal with Kamilah's fury

"I..i am--"

"A vamprire, like her" she whispered. Her hands were trembling as her thoughts went back to all the visions she saw

"She told me that a..a prophecy will be fulfilled once..once she has Amy" her voice was now distant, afraid

Kamilah blinked "how..how do you.."

"I don't understand it..i thought if i kept her close nothing would happen..but her..she kept appearing in my dreams.. warning me"

Kamilah's stoic expression faded hearing Gloria explaining her visions, how each time she held Amy a threat would appear and then she understood.

"The first.." she breathed out, her voice trembling.

Tag list: @scarlet-letter-a0114 @trouble-with-the-curve @ilovetaylorswiftforever7 @nydeiri @gavryllo @blackphenix9527 @amorettemcsky @la-guera-69 @vonda-b-real @sayeedbound @wildsayeed @littlemissgreen97 @mrskamilxh @yasmin0699 @superthelettera @nopenos-stuff @onyxgaytrash @thepotatobleh

[thetransguard-archive]

tag game: 50 Qs

i wasnt tagged but i saw this post off @nicolodigenovas and what can i say i just have a bit of time to burn so im burnin it!

what is the color of your hairbrush? black bcos im boring

name a food you never eat: pickles. i will not eat pickles not on pain of death much to the disappointment and horror of my parents

are you typically too warm or too cold? i only ever get cold??? im used to the tropics i guess

what were you doing 45 mins ago? studying :) for :) my :) final :) exams :)

what’s your favorite candy bar? idrc but i will go insane for hard candies 

have you ever been to a professional sports game? i actually haven’t? i’ve done a fair amount of school sports etc etc but i dont have a vested interest in professional sport. that being said i wanna go to a serena williams or naomi osaka match before i die

what is the last thing you said out loud? they were sung but um the lyrics to cigar by tamino i love that song so much

what is your favorite ice cream? coffee flavoured

what was the last thing you had to drink? oh just water

do you like your wallet? i dont own wallets i just shove money into the pockets of my jackets and jeans and hope to god i remember to fish it out before it goes into the wash

what is the last thing you ate? dinner which was lasagna

did you buy any new clothes last weekend? i bought new formal pants for my school formal which is happening at some point as well as a gold chain that is very not heterosexual looking of me

what’s the last sporting event you watched? must’ve been the american open final?

what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? sweet n salty i like it kind of mild but plain is intolerable to me

who is the last person you sent a text message to? my year seven group chat!! crazy how im still friends with the same fundamental circle of 8 people like 6 years later 

ever been camping? yes it was fun i got to light shit on fire

do you take vitamins? nope

do you regularly attend a place of worship? temple is reserved for special occasions so no 

do you have a tan? i have never had a sunburn in my life thank you viet genes for my rights

do you prefer Chinese or pizza? pizza i pretty much never have chinese food tbh

do you drink your soda through a straw? no we chug like men

what color socks do you usually wear? white or obnoxiously patterned

do you ever drive above the speed limit? i don’t drive all that much but when i do no im only a learner so

what terrifies you? being forgotten and alone aha

look to your left, what do you see? the tube of hair dye that will make my hair blue eventually

what chore do you hate most? folding clothes something about it is just wired to irritate everything inside of me

what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? SFDGHJKL;GDJKSL this question is so funnily specific and i just dont Think like thats what im surrounded by 24/7 so

what’s your favorite soda? sprite? some variation of lemonade methinks

do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive thru

what’s your favorite number? 7

who’s the last person you talked to? i called my friend dom a few hours ago

favorite cut of beef? idc

last song you listened to? currently listening to habibi by tamino

last book you read? i was rereading orlando by virginia woolf yesterday

favorite day of the week? idk why i’ve always been partial to thursdays

can you say the alphabet backwards? i can barely say it forwards dude

how do you like your coffee? black or a mocha no inbetween

favorite pair of shoes? i have these really nice black boots that give me a lot of weight when i walk 

time you normally get up? awake at 7, actually up at 9 if i can help it

what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets

how many blankets on your bed? just the one

describe your kitchen plates. mostly plain white porcelain, but we have a few with blue flowers painted on them that we get for cheap from the same viet grocery where we get our rice from

describe your kitchen at the moment. very dark, the only sound i’m hearing is the dishwasher going. it is 1:30am so i mean...

do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? we mix beer in with lemonade its nice

do you play cards? only if my friends bring the cards i dont play by my own volition ever

what color is your car? we have a red car and a black car

can you change a tire? in theory, sure, in practice, not so much

your favorite state? this feels usa centric but im bending it to my will and yes new south wales is my favourite state because i live in it :)

favorite job you’ve had? working in a childcare centre was genuinely the most fun i’d had and i would go back there in a heartbeat if i weren’t aiming for older kids to nail some good solid appreciation for human rights into

i will not be tagging anyone this was purely self indulgent but if u want u can do it :)

[sweetlittleboytoy]

A BNHA Mafia Au written by me and other people in my discord!

(This was my first real post so uh i hope you like??🥺🥺)

You run to the closest structure as the rain starts beat down on you harder. You safely make it under an awning and shiver....

Damn the rain and damn your lack of foresight. The clouds had been threatening to drench anyone who dares leave their home all day but since it had been mostly all bark, no bite you had decided to play chicken with them anyways. Oh well, worse things have happened. You look around, seeing the people passing with umbrellas. Footsteps closing in on you draw your attention and you turn your head. Another person, another victim of the rain.

You look up to see a man with red hair, shaking his head to rid himself of the water that had poured on him.

“What a day to forget an umbrella huh?' The man said suddenly, not really looking at you.

You nod for a moment, only to realize that he still wasn't looking at you, and you didn't want to seem rude,”Yeah, didn't think it would come down this hard.' You said back to him.

He finally looked at you, his red eyes almost sparkling in amusement, 'Funny thing is, I actually have an umbrella in my car!' he laughed.

“I mean I could invite you to tag along and get it! But I figured that'd probably be a... really really weird thing to say to a strangers...´ he continued and scratched the back of his neck.

You laugh too, nodding along to what he was saying 'yeah maybe, and we'd get drenched on the way there anyways.' you looked off towards the street again, smiling to yourself. He was cute. Real cute. And... just your type. Bumbling, excited and kinda quirky. Like your own personal sun on this rainy day.

“.Mmmh true. Well what were you doing? I mean... before it started raining?'"You look at the red haired stranger nervously,was the truth even an option here?”I was just exploring,”you say softly.He looks at you and absentminded,you shrink under his gaze.He smiles at you,”in the rain?”he says teasingly “and odd time to explore dont ya think”

Your face seems to flush in embarrassment, "Well, I guess you could say I'm new to this part of town... So I just thought I would take a good look around to familiarize myself." you admitted as you watched a car pass by, splashing a couple of puddles.

You leaned forward and looked up at the sky. "New to the area? I could show you around, ya know!" You could hear the excitement in his voice as a smile crossed your face again. You turned and looked at him and tucked your hair behind your ear, "You don't have to do that."

“Well what if I insist then? I mean, I couldn't possibly leave a lady like you in trouble! I take my title of hero very seriously you see.' As he said the last part he put his hand on his chest and gave you a small bow. You giggle at his actions, feeling a little more at ease. 'Hero huh?' you ask, putting a hand on your hip.

“That's what the kids at work call me, I'm a physical therapist with a main focus on working with kids. I don't work too far from here so I know my way around."

He stood tall and you're sure he puffed his chest out a little extra, proud of his work surely. Your heart melted a little at his bright smile. And as he smiled the rain started to calm to a soft dribble. You looked away and held out your hand to feel how bad the rain was. 'Well... what's my heroes name then? I can't let a stranger help me...'"

“It’s Eijirou Kirishima!”

He smirks and jokingly bows again,poking out his arm.”Away we go milady”.You take his arm,looking at him happily.”i never got your name”he says”i wouldn’t want you to continue to think of me as a stranger.”

You pause at the question,another worrying answer.You decide to trust him,”it’s y/n,my last names a little weird though”You say nervously.

“Nothing i couldn’t pronounce i bet”he teases.

“it’s uh..l/n”you say quietly.

“Wait like,the criminal?”He says in a joking manner.

You nod.”Family member,”you say to him softly.He shrugs and continues to walk with you”No biggie,i won’t judge you on that.My names Eijirou!Eijirou Kirishima” He says proudly.

“oh wait i already said that”he realizes. You laughed at his small mistake, "It's alright, now I won't forget your name." you walked arm and arm with Eijirou, letting him lead you around the new area.

"Thanks... by the way." You said suddenly, your voice shy now as you two walked together. "By not judging me for my family ties." You kept your gaze away from him as you took in the scenery, mentally taking in what was around you to remember for later.

Eijirou let out a small chuckle and rubbed the back of his head with his other hand, "You can't just judge someone by their family members, it's not fair." He said, putting his arm down and looking down at you.

"You seem like a really nice person Y/N, I couldn't think poorly of you."

"You let out a weak chuckle at his genuine comment. Its ironic how someone you just met sounded like he knew you so well. What he said made youre heart twist almost painfully. He didn't know you, you reminded yourself. You just met.

'Thank you but... Uhm I'm sorry Kirishima but... do you know where the next ward begins? I'll know where to go from there. Thank you for helping me, by the way.' You look up at him finally, smiling as to try to hide your true feelings. As you speak you also grab his left hand in both of yours, an attempt to have him not worry too much about why you seem so nervous.

Unbenknownst to him the border between this ward and the next is where you're hoping to findbyour brother. You knew there had been some problems expanding your familys teritory to span more wards, apparently you were creeping your way into som big shots place. You never approved of the stuff but when your brother were missing suddenly in the morning you pretty much knew where he'd be. “Yea of course y/n” he says to you.You can still hear worry present in his voice,but you can’t focus on that now.

“Give me your phone?”he asks softly,”i wanna make sure you get home safe.Bad stuff happens around here”

Ya don’t say?You think to yourself.

You hand him your phone and he adds in his contact,”I’ll text you in an hour,so i hope you answer” he says to you”

You nod and walk tothe direction he pointed in,and wave him goodbye,walking through the darkly coloured gate. You let out a breath, not that you really wanted to leave Eijirou's side, but more because you were alone. You looked down at your phone and almost had a burst of excitement, a giddy feeling, he had given you his number.

You really couldn't believe it, you cleared your throat and straightened up, unable to shake away this feeling, it was the happiest you had been in a while. You pushed forward and headed away from Eijirou and to look for your brother. The street you had been pointed to follow indeed took you to the next ward. Obviousy you wouldnt find your brother out on the open street. He may be bold but he wasnt stupid. Or... not that stupid. So you turned on a street, in on a backstreet that seemed promising. Dark and damp from the recent pour, and most importantly empty of people.

If your memory served your right then the new exapnsion should be somewhere here. Your brother had said they were making plans to make a hit on a warehouse owned by the other mafia so thats where you were headed. Doubts flooded your mind. Maybe you should just send Eijirou a text, meet him and have a nice rest of the day.

You realized that was too late when a gun shot echoed through the empty street. “What the fuck did i tell you would happen if i caught you here again?”You hear a voice yell.

You hide behind a wall,staying out of the view enough but still being able to see them.

A man with spiky blonde hair throws someone on the ground.

“Then you shouldn’t have-“

A gunshot thudded through the alleyway,and a scream of pain shot through.

You recognised it,your brother.

You saw blood spill onto the wall,an a shudder went through you.

“I spared you once,on account of your damn sister.Stop fucking testing me you shit.” The blonde says looking at your brother. Your throat felt like it had a knot form on it and panic start to kick in. You didn't know what to do soyou moved before you thought. Peeking around the corner you first saw your brother finally. He was on his knees, blood pooling around his right knee ashe clutched it. He was panting, struggling to form words through the pain.

Above him the blonde stood. A gun pointed towards your brothers head. He cocked the gun while tilting his head, letting you see his face better. His red eyes were focused on your sibling. "Got nothing to say, huh? Fucking thought so. C'mon, not even a last message I can deliver to your sister?"

Your breath caught in your throat as your brother started to speak again. "G... go fuck yourself, dont even think about talking to her you-you bastard!"The blonde smirks.

“I was hoping you’d say that”

You felt your legs about to move,and before you did a hand wrapped around you and pulled you back.Another hand covered your mouth,keeping you from audibly screaming.

You were pulled back through the gate,and you automatically turned at kicked your kidnapper.

“Y/n!Stop it’s just me!!”You hear.

Opening your eyes you see your best friend,Shoto Todoroki.

“Oh my god Toki,don’t sneak up on me like that.”You said hugging him.

Your eyes open wide at your memory,”My brother!We have to help him!”You say to him.

Shoto shakes his head,”i have that side already in motion,your brother will be okay i promise”He says to you.

You forgot that Shoto was a double side member.But you didn’t forget that he cared enough about you to leave his family.He cares so much about you and your brother he decided to take the task of double siding both dangerous gangs.Just for you two.

“He’s all i have toki ,”You whimper and cry into his shoulder.He pets the back of your head softly,”I know n/n,hell be okay”.

He puts his jacket on you,making you yet again aware of the pouring rain.

“Let’s get you home for now.Hell be there soon.”You follow him, hugging his jacket around your shoulders. He’s set a quick pace away from the alley—he can’t be seen with you, especially not by Bakugo, but you’re not entirely sure where he’s taking you.

You’re not sure how far away you’ve gotten when Todoroki turns a corner and the two of you enter a shop. Behind the counter sits a girl you recognize, Momo, one of your brother’s most trusted friends.

The two exchange a nod, and then Todoroki’s leaving with little more than a “Your brother will meet you at home” to say goodbye.

You almost want to keep him here, you never see him anymore, but you know someone’s more likely to notice his disappearance the longer he’s gone.

Momo draws your attention as she moves from her place behind the counter, productions two identical umbrellas from her arm as she does. She gives you a little smile, handing one to you. “C’mon. I’ll walk you home.”You take the umbrella from Momo and smile back at her, you were running into all sorts of friends around here. You walked next to Momo as you headed back home through back alleyways, your umbrellas open now since it had begun raining again.

You felt your phone vibrate and pulled it out of your pocket, slowing your walking speed to see that Eijirou had texted you, just like he promised.

You responded to him and let him know you were walking with a friend and you were on your way home now.

"Momo... do you think my brother is okay?" You asked nervously, shoving your phone back into your pocket. "Toki told me he was going to be okay... but that situation was rough."You nod slowly,attempting to process what she told you.

Your phone buzzes again.

“i meant to tell you y/n,your pretty cute when your hairs wet”

You smile to yourself,a bit more at ease and trying to ignore the present situation.

—

At home though,things were quiet.Too quiet.

The second you closed you door and Momo left you felt eyes on you.Yet you made no motions to give way of this knowledge.

You moved to the kitchen and pretended to start a meal,sneakily hiding an ice pick in your sleeve.

Your quirk was unknown to most people,aside from Shoto and your brother,every though you were quirkless.

Having a mental quirk type,helped a lot more than a physical one.

You felt the eyes move,still they thought they were out of your view,but you could feel their upcoming attempt to attack.

They jumped at you,and immediately you threw the ice pick toward them,it stabbing deep into their arm.

The flash of green hair moved into your vision,and you armed yourself with the gun your brother gifted you.He looks at you with an evil smirk

“We meet again my dear.”You wrinkle your nose at the term of endearment, but you don’t comment on it, keeping still with the barrel of the gun aimed at him.

He doesn’t break eye contact as he reaches towards the ice pick. You realize then, with disappointment, that it hadn’t really imbedded itself in his arm—it had grazed him, drawing blood, but ultimately found home in the wall behind him.

Pity. You wouldn’t miss next time.

Izuku tosses the pick to the floor towards you. It’s not aggressive, it’s almost friendly, but you don’t bother to pick it up.

He sighs, adjusting the jacket of the suit he’s wearing. “I’m not feeling very welcome, darling.”

“Might be because you’re not,” you reply smoothly. “My brother will be back any minute. Do yourself a favor and scram before he does.”Izuku looks at you,he looks like a snake going after a mouse.And you’re his prey.

You see the green emission of his quirk slowly seep through the room,and you prepare to itself for his attack.

The door slams open,and you both turn to the door,and he’s there.

The blonde from the alleyway,Bakugo Katsuki.The leader of the opposing mafia,Fiero.

“I see you started without me again,Deku,”he growls annoyed.

Izuku smiles to him and bows,”Hello,*Kacchan*,”he says to the blonde,”i was only starting to talk,nothing more”He says,bringing the green light back into himself.

“You better fucking have been.”

He walks to the couch and plops down,he takes a necklace out of his pocket and tosses it to you.As you catch it,you realize,it’s your brothers.

Tears in your eyes you looked at him”is he...is he dead?”Your heart thumped loudly.

Izuku walks beside Katsuki,kneeling on the floor beside him.Katsuki puts his hand into his green hair,slowly petting him.

“He’s alive,for now.”

For now?you think.

You put the necklace beside the matching one you wore,”Where is he?”

“With the half n half bastard.Rouging him up more”He says to you with a villainous smile.

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot