#i genuinely can’t focus long enough to write much longer than oneshots

[gravyhoney]

You know, I’d be sorry for only writing oneshots but frankly I can’t focus on anything longer than them, and I can just barely focus long enough to write those, so y’all are lucky ur even getting any writing from me.

[spooky-z]

MIDNIGHT SKY

I have three important warnings about the AU oneshot.

The first is that this story is a little different from what I have already written. What does that mean? It means that the story will have dirty jokes, (1) detailed french kiss and alcohol. And sexual tension. Yes. An ace trying to write UST. Ah! They are 18 here.

The second is, of course, language. There is nothing more explicit than what I have written in other stories. It's just that it's hard for me to write stories without cursing like a sailor. Sorry.

The third is that I didn’t tag anyone in this story for the reasons above. I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

The two songs featured in the story are (in order of appearance): Gone by Charli XCX and Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus.

9.6K (the story is under "read more")

Maribat by @ozmav

In that au, Alya and Marinette dated for a year at the Collège, but when they joined Lycée and Lila arrived, they broke up because Lila managed to convince Alya that Marinette was cheating on her.

Lila's obsession with Adrien in the canon is replaced by Marinette, that is, instead of Adrien, Marinette is Lila's target here.

Since Lila never lied about being friends with Ladybug, Mari never suspected the girl.

So, Lila comments to Alya that it was very strange Marinette's constant disappearances and how the girl made up weak excuses about it

Alya is hard to convince at first, but with Lila's time and persuasive words, she ends up giving in and believing in Lila.

Alya accuses Mari, Mari denies it, but it's no use.

They break up.

Everyone starts to exclude Marinette, supporting Alya who is heartbroken because she still loved Mari.

Except Adrien, who is a good friend for the designer.

So, while everyone was focused on Alya, Lila approaches Marinette and Adrien in the image of a concerned and supportive friend.

She offers a shoulder for Marinette to cry, and friendship to Adrien.

This is, of course, hidden from everyone.

Lila uses Adrien and Marinette for personal gain. Knowing that Adrien was too innocent and Marinette too kind.

Marinette falls in love with the Italian and with Adrien's encouragement, she confesses.

They start dating and Lila loves that Marinette kisses the floor she steps on

This is all hidden from the class.

Lila gives the excuse that she didn’t assumed her sexuality to anyone and that she is not ready yet

Mari and Adrien are quick and comfort the Italian, telling her that she doesn't have to force herself into anything. That they loved her.

Months go by, Kagami arrives at Dupont stealing Chloe's heart and befriending Adrien

Eventually she joins the pair (adrien and marinette) bringing Chloe and Sabrina together, who apologize to Marinette

They start to hang out together as friends and Mari is happy.

This makes Lila angry, since adrinette are no longer isolated and available to her all the time.

Lila accuses Mari of not having more time for her and not loving her anymore, trying to make the girl feel guilty

Mari fearing that the same thing that happened with Alya, happens with Lila, starts to isolate herself from her friends, giving her full attention to Lila

Kagami and Chloe notices Marinette's behavior and how sad the girl looked

Marinette can't take it, and tells the four friends what had happened and that sends red lights to Kagami who starts watching Lila closely.

That’s until Chloe and Sabrina find a mistake in one of Lila’s lies and tell the fencer

And so, Kagami investigates and uncovers all Lila's lies

Including why Alya broke up with Marinette and she tells Marinette

Marinette doesn't believe in Kagami and fights with her friend, because Lila would never do that to her

So, Mari starts to avoid Kagami and Chloe and Lila celebrate with the victory

Lila warns Kagami to stay away from Marinette, because Mari was hers, thinking that the Japanese girl was interested in Mari

Kagami becomes Onii-chan, exposing Lila to Chat Noir and Ladybug

Marinette again has her heart broken and she cries on her friends' shoulders after asking for forgiveness for not believing.

She breaks up with Lila the next day when Lila is alone without the class present.

Lila tries to make the girl change her mind, blame Marinette's friends, emotional manipulation, but it's no use and Mari leaves without looking back

Lila has an outbreak of anger, but surprisingly, no butterfly appears

She tries to win Marinette back throughout the week, but the girl pretends not to see her and the group of friends was also quick to repel the Italian.

Kagami being the most brutal

With that, Lila takes personal revenge and begins to lie about Marinette and her friends

About them bullying her and harassing her.

Everyone believes in the girl and the group of friends become the outcasts of the class

Even though Lila made their lives hell, she still believed that Marinette would come back to her

The same for Alya, who still liked the girl, but treated her badly for revenge.

That is, until Lycée's graduation party takes place.

▫▪▪

The fact is: Marinette was happy.

For a while she thought it would be impossible to be happy. When you discover that the two people you loved with all your heart were two fake ones, it’s kind of makes you think that you are actually the problem.

And for a while she thought just that.

When Alya, instead of asking her to talk privately to try to understand what was going on, decided that the best time to yell at her was in the middle of the courtyard with all the students watching the show; her thoughts were that she might deserve it.

It had been humiliating, yes. She never felt so much embarrassment and hurt as she did that time. But being honest, Marinette knew that something like that could happen, since she couldn't tell her secret to Alya. It wasn't much of a shock.

She tried to convince Alya, denied it, did what she could. In the end she gave up and ran home to lick her wounds, putting on her big girl mask.

It was really a surprise that there wasn't even a butterfly. For her or Alya. No sign of akuma for an entire week.

Or later, when she found out that the girl she loved, the same one she loved the floor she stepped on, was all the time lying to her and that it was Alya's cause to break up with her.

And that in the end she became a villain almost bigger than Hawkmoth in Marinette's life; leaving her isolated, almost without friends; making up lies or accusing her of things she hadn't done. Lila tried, and in a way, managed to ruin Marinette.

She thought this was her destiny: failed and illusory relationships. No sincere and passionate romance. Kisses that wouldn't make her blood boil or her heart race. Nothing that made her weak and wobbly legs.

Marinette had broken up with Lila just six months after they started dating. She was about to turn sixteen. Alya broke up with Marinette after a year of dating, she was fifteen.

Maybe it was a curse, she thought. Since she was lucky enough to have been chosen to be a hero; loving and concerned parents; wonderful friends (all four); talent recognized by powerful people (Audrey and Gabriel).

In the same way as Ladybug and Chat Noir, if she had one side too good, the other would have to be as bad as to balance the scale.

What Tikki had firmly denied and said that Marinette just needed to be patient, that the right person for her would show up. She just needed to mature and wait for it.

Marinette tried to be positive about the words of the little goddess. Really. She really tried.

So, when she turned sixteen and Adrien announced that he and Luka were in a relationship, Marinette celebrated for her friends. She was genuinely happy for them. But when Sabrina, not even a month later, appeared hand in hand with Felix, both with red cheeks and babbling about deciding to try a relationship; Marinette broke.

She broke down and gave up.

Seeing how Chloe changed when she was with Kagami or how Felix was opening up more and more because of Sabrina, showed Marinette that she hadn't been enough for Lila. Or Alya. She was the problem.

Then she stopped.

Marinette began to focus more on studies, friends, commissions, training as a guardian and life as a hero. Not looking once for romantic relationships. And she was like that. Increasingly strong and independent, not once bowing her head to other people.

For her seventeenth birthday, Luka - who had discovered he was Jagged's son and was now living with the man - invited family and friends to celebrate at the rockstar's mansion in Gotham. Trying to keep the group away from Paris and Akumas for a while. Everyone agreed, since it was a good idea.

(Gabriel who was leaving for a business trip in New York and allowed Adrien to go with them, like a long-delayed vacation.)

And it was there that Marinette met Damian. Tall, arrogant, beautiful green eyes, olive skin, broad shoulders, defined muscles, dark hair like the night and a permanent frown as a causal expression. She felt like air was being stolen from her lungs.

The second time they kissed - the first being just a brush of lips - Damian held her tightly. His fingers sinking into the flesh of her hips, the palm leaving feverish impressions on her skin, the fullness of his cologne soaking her senses, the sharp drag of his tongue against the roof of her mouth, pulling the tiniest delightful sighs from her lungs.

Marinette had been lost in Damian. She dragged her hands through his smooth, combed hair, as if she were drugged with passion. Her nails scraping over the bare skin on the back of his neck, never wanting to let go. The sounds that escaped, Damian swallowed fervently, looking just as drunk as she did.

Marinette was weak, wobbly, her blood was like lava, her heart was beating as if it wanted to break her ribs, she was short of breath and her brain was like goo.

It was there that she gave herself over to love once again.

They returned to Paris, Luka staying in Gotham, but promising video calls and visiting when he was off tour with Jagged; Adrien was sad, but he was also the musician's greatest enthusiast.

For Marinette, leaving Gotham and, consequently, Damian, had been painful. The chaotic, disgusting thoughts about how the relationship had been only a 'summer love', but in the end it was him who insisted on continuing. Then the same promise that Luka had made to Adrien, Damian made to Marinette.

Returning to Paris was fine, but returning to Dupont had been disappointing. Somehow, Ms. Bustier's class came to believe that Chloe, Adrien, Marinette and Sabrina had been absent for a week, just to get attention and as a result, the verbal attacks became more violent. Alya and Lila being the two most aggressive.

Aurore, a few days after the group's return to Paris, had told Marinette that Alya let slip that she was dating Nino just to hurt her. As revenge for being 'unfaithful', so that Marinette would regret having deceived her.

Marinette was really sad for Nino, as he seemed to really like Alya.

Thus, a year passed in the blink of an eye and in two days, there would be the graduation party for all classes of graduates.

The first idea - coming from the teachers - was that the party would be in the American style of prom. Beautiful dresses, king and queen and all that bullshit, but all the students who were graduating refused. They wanted something different.

Hawkmoth and Mayura had been defeated, they were all graduating, all of them of age wanting to leave the lycée in style. And Chloe - as always - at the meeting with all the class representatives, offered the Moulin Rouge as a graduation party.

Everyone loved it. Well, almost everyone, since the teachers thought that a graduation party at a nightclub would be overkill; but with all the students excited about the idea and the fact that they were of age, the school allowed it.

It was three months of organization. Selling tickets to non-students, buying drinks - alcoholic and non-alcoholic -, food - since no one would be able to stand all night without eating -, talking to the club's employees, making the guest list. It was exhausting, but it only increased general anxiety.

"What do you think, bug?" Chloe was wearing a yellow sequin bodycon dress with spaghetti straps and four-inch silver strappy high heels. "Kardashian or Paris?"

Marinette chewed the strawberry in her mouth. One side of the earphone to the ear, the phone in one hand on a video call with Damian and with the other hand, she wagged her finger, asking Chloe to turn.

"Hmm, I think it would be better to choose something that you won't have to fix up every time you move around a lot." The brunette considered after Chloe turned to her again. "We are going to a nightclub to drink and dance, so I think a bodycon is not the best idea."

Chloe pouted, looking at the back of the outfit in the mirror. “But that dress makes my butt so round. 'Gami would love it.”

Marinette looked at the phone in time to see Damian raise an eyebrow at the subject, an amused gleam in his eyes. "For sure, but choose something that you will be able to dance with me because I intend to leave that club without feeling my legs."

She was biting into another strawberry when Chloe put her hands on her hips, still looking at herself in the mirror. “Watch out, bug. You spend a lot of time without feeling your legs, an hour can become dangerous.”

Marinette frowned without understanding, but the wink that Chloe sent and Damian's laughter took the confusion out of her.

"Chloe!" She took the pillow closest to her on the bed and threw it at her friend. "No sexual jokes." The blonde was laughing as she returned to the closet, easily avoiding the pillow.

"Because actions speak more than words." Damian had a small mischievous smile on his face. "And I'm a man of action."

“Oh? We'll see." Marinette threw the second and last piece of the strawberry into her mouth, chewing it slowly as she stared at the camera. "I'm looking forward to your actions, baobei."

▫▪▪

While Marinette was eager to leave the lycée and forget her classmates for good, she was also feeling salty about everything. About how Lila would get away with it, go on with life as if she hadn't fucked Marinette's entire lycée life.

On the one hand, she wanted to unmask Lila so that everyone could see how rotten the Italian was. On the other hand, she no longer cared what others thought of her, much less wanted to help them get rid of Lila's slimy claws.

There were more cons than pros and she didn't know what to do.

"Marinette, why don't you let your hair down?" Tikki flew to the girl.

"I don't know, Tikki." She took the mascara, wiping it on her lashes. "My hair is too big and I'm going to sweat." Marinette turned her face away from the mirror, studying the makeup.

She had decided to dare that night. After spending years with just mascara and gloss, Marinette had smeared black eyeshadow on her upper and lower eyelids, a little highlighter above the pink cheekbones and a pink nude lipstick.

The makeup had become a spectacle, giving it a mature look.

"Just take a ribbon to attach." The little kwami pouted and Marinette rolled her eyes affectionately. "And it will also match your outfit."

"Okay, okay. Let me fix this mane, then."

Marinette thought about wearing one of the many evening dresses she had designed before, however, considering the same advice she had given Chloe, she choose something safer.

Skinny jeans with subtle rips in thighs and knees, lace crop top with spaghetti straps and sweetheart neckline, her loyal Louboutin daf platform ankle boots. All black except for the Chanel red – synthetic – leather jacket that Damian had given her as a gift.

She opted for different jewelry this time. Tikki and the earrings would stay with Sabine, and a small, discreet pink gold earring in the shape of a ladybug took place. On the neck, the choker that matched the earrings adorned the delicate skin, as well as the ring on the finger.

"There." Marinette announced. The hair was in uneven curls, giving volume. "What do you think?" She opened her arms for Tikki to take a closer look at the choice of clothes.

She had adopted the sexy and dangerous look with praise.

"You look wonderful, Marinette!" The kwami squeaked excitedly. "Damian will love it!"

Marinette smiled excitedly. "Do you really think?!"

"She's right, my love. You look stunning.”

The two jumps in surprise at the new voice and Marinette turned in time to see Damian enter her room. Tikki soon became scarce.

"Dames!" She quickly approached her boyfriend, happiness on her expression. “When did you arrive? I didn't get late, did I?”

Damian was quick to wrap his arms around her waist, pressing the smaller body against him. There was an evil smile on his face. "I just arrived and I missed my girlfriend a lot, so I decided to show up early."

Marinette wrapped her arms around his hunched shoulders, her fingers sinking into the short hair on the back of his neck. "Good, because your girlfriend was really missing you too."

"And what does she intend to do about it?" Damian dragged his hands under the leather jacket, letting his hands roam over the bare skin on her back.

Her eyes darkened with the touch and the proximity of their faces. They hadn't seen each other for a few months since Damian had been busy joining Tim in charge of WE and that took a toll on both of them.

The hunger for touch - Damian's touch - for Marinette had become unbearably difficult to control without him around to relieve. But now he was there, so close that every slight movement of their heads resulted in their noses rubbing against each other.

And she wanted more, much more. Damian didn't seem averse to that, if the warm look was any indication.

"What do you want-" He didn't give her the chance to finish her thought, his lips firm against hers in a passionate kiss.

And Marinette gave herself up again, as anxious as she was, to get lost in their own little world. She wanted it so, so much. It was disturbing how lost in Damian she was.

"I didn't want to disturb the love birds, but they are all waiting in the limo." The two of them reluctantly moved away.

Both were panting, Damian's lips red and damp with lipstick marks on his skin, his hair ruffled by Marinette's fingers; she was no different, lipstick had smeared the skin around her mouth, her lips were red and her eyes were blurry.

Adrien had been the one to interrupt the two, still standing on the stairs and leaning on the bedroom floor as if watching a very interesting movie. He had a mischievous smile on his face.

Damian sighed, regaining consciousness, frowning at being interrupted.

"Sometimes you are a pain in the ass, Agreste." He grunted as he helped Marinette adjust her clothes.

"And you still love me." Adrien showed his tongue in retaliation. “Don't forget to clean that lipstick stain. You know that if Jason and Tim see it, they won't be talking about anything for a week.”

“Thank you, Adrien. We will be leaving soon!��� Marinette replied before Damian said something rude and dragged her boyfriend over so she could wipe his face with makeup remover.

The model took no more time in the room and went down.

"I think it's best not to apply lipstick again." Damian leaned against the dresser, arms crossed over his chest, watching Marinette fix her smudged makeup.

Her hand faltered over the lipstick tubes with his comment, rethinking the options, and decided to pick a strawberry chapstick.

"I don't think you're going to care about the artificial strawberry taste, are you?" She winked at Damian boldly and took a second look at what he was wearing.

"Not at all. Now let's go, before Chloe comes for us.” And he pulled her into the hatch on the floor.

The girl was so distracted by his presence that she hadn't even paid attention to what he was wearing. And she approved the choice of the set.

Damian wore a gray v-neck t-shirt folded inside his black slim fit pants - without a belt -; over the shirt, a graphite blazer folded below the elbows to show the inner print of the piece; polished black shoes on the feet.

And she thought seeing him in a three-piece suit was surprising.

They left the house without much fanfare. Sabine and Tom sitting on the couch with Tikki and Plagg watching some old movie on TV just waved their hands, telling them to have fun and call if they needed anything.

Chloe's limo was parked right next to the bakery exit. Luka leaning against the open door, talking to Félix and Jason.

Félix had - surprisingly - left his ties and waistcoats in the closet this time. Wearing a rare gray polo shirt, regular cut black jeans with leather belt and on his feet, Gucci loafers. Only the hairstyle remained the same, as he and Damian were two people who breathed hair gel.

Jason hadn't changed much. All in black, regular pants looking well-worn on his knees, combat boots, Henley with open buttons and a leather jacket. Hair looking much wilder than on a normal day.

Luka, on the other hand, wore almost the same as Jason. The differences were that Luka did not have a leather jacket, his shirt was a white button down and was wrapped around his forearms and his pants were leather. But that was not what caught Marinette's attention about her friend.

It was the first time she had seen Luka in person in months (almost a year) and she learned from Adrien, that he had adopted a new haircut and that he had gotten some tattoos. But she didn't think he would have both arms full with complex designs and colors.

His hair was short on the sides and nape, the natural tone left untouched in the shaved parts. With longer top totally dyed blue. She was able to see that there were more piercings in the ears, a dark ring on the nose and a black plug in each ear.

"Hey, guys! Sorry we are late." Marinette smiled at their friends who had stopped talking to look at them.

"Good night, Mari."

"Bugnette, what's up!"

"Ma-Marinette, your music is still fantastic."

"Luka, you're total rock 'n roll! Jagged must be proud.” She commented.

"I liked the Red Hood style, Bugnette." Jason pointed out the similarities.

"It would be interesting to see Red Hood kicking ass on a six-inch platform heel." Felix looked at Jason, considering.

"There is an image that I would rather not have in my head." Damian groaned as if in pain.

Jason opened his mouth to probably swear at his friends and brother, but was interrupted by Chloe, who came out of the limo snorting in irritation.

“Can you guys get in soon? I want to make a dramatic entrance and you are getting in the way!”

“Wow, Chlo. You are wonderful." Marinette ignored her friend's angry snort, preferring to look at the clothes the girl was wearing.

"Of course. I am always wonderful.” Posing with hands on hips.

Chloe's outfit was not the most outrageous outfit she had ever worn before. They were simple pieces, but together they made a fatal set.

She wore a black satin top with spaghetti straps, folded into a white high-waisted mini shorts, on the legs, four-inch black over the knee boots - Tom Ford's lace-up nappa she loved - and on the neck there were two chokers: the broadest was white with black print and the thinest was leather decorated with crystals; plus a gold necklace with bee pendant.

Her hair was in a messy ponytail and her makeup was simple; black eyeliner, shadow on the eyelids was a sparkling metallic - yet soft - there was a lovely pink on the cheekbones and her lipstick was nude.

"I'm getting more and more excited about it all." Marinette murmured, an evil smile on her face.

Chloe winked at her friend, having the same thoughts as her. "Come on suckers!"

▫▪▪

When they arrived at the club street, there was a considerable line at the entrance for people who had bought tickets; but as Sabrina, Adrien, Chloe, Marinette and Kagami were students, they were entitled to VIP entrance and could take two guests each.

"That's a lot people." Adrien commented sitting next to Luka and Chloe.

He wore an oversized pastel pink button-down shirt; the last three buttons open with the left end folded into the slim fit light blue denim pants. On the feet, off-white converse with white socks.

The hair, which he had let it grow - not too long, just long enough for a little ponytail - was parted on the side and messy, two kitten clips holding the right side of the bangs, while the left side fell textured over the eye.

"I see Nath and Marc from your class coming." Kagami lays a finger on the window, showing the two boys to enter.

She wore a pleated red peplum off-shoulder knit top, black leather pants with golden zippers on both sides; and on the feet, six-inch silver gold peep toe platform high heels.

Her hair, now in a pixie cut, had her bangs pushed aside. The makeup, she just had a thick black eyeliner on her eyes, ruby lipstick on her lips and minimal blush. Accessories include a pair of diamond earrings.

"Aurore and Claude too." Sabrina replied. That night, she had left her glasses at home, opting for contact lenses.

Sabrina opted for a black backless bodysuit with spaghetti straps, a pleated two-tiered skirt with the first being gold sequin and the second layer was peach tulle. On the feet, five-inch black lace up bandage high heels.

Red hair in a French bob, with loose curls and messy bangs. A silver necklace with a fox pendant around her neck. The makeup the same as Kagami's, changing only the color of the lipstick, which was a wine purple.

"Everyone has arrived." Jason says, his eyes glued to the phone.

"Everyone?" Marinette asks, eyebrow raised.

"Yeah..." He looks up, feeling the sharp edge.

"Everyone who?" Damian asked, already knowing the answer to that question.

"You know..." Jason looks away before speaking again. “Artemis, Dick, Kori, Tim, Conner, Cass, Steph, Babs, Duke and Jon. Bruce and Selina didn't come because Helena cried every time they put her in the crib.”

Damian grunted and Marinette laughed, incredulous. Luka and Adrien were out of breath from laughing.

"My god, the entire Wayne family under one roof..." Félix gasped in horror.

"If Paris remains whole tomorrow, I will ask my father to declare a holiday." Chloe joked.

"Okay, I think we better get in soon because this is getting weird here." Marinette opened the limo door and let out a breath.

It was now or never.

▫▪▪

Lila was ready. This was the last chance she would have to mess with Marinette, before everyone followed the path of adulthood with colleges and jobs.

Was she a little obsessive? Yes. She would not deny it. But there was something about Marinette. Something that she couldn't name, that made her waste hours of the day thinking about her; feeling angry that the girl broke up with her and never looked twice at Lila again.

She simply pretended that the Italian did not exist, regardless of the lie that Lila told or accused her, Marinette did not even blink in her direction and that left her burning with frustration, a bitter taste in her mouth.

When Marinette broke up with her, the first thing she thought was that it was Alya's doing, but she soon gave up on the idea since Alya was her most loyal follower and didn't know about Lila and Marinette's relationship.

But she knew that Marinette would not have found it out on her own, that she had help and that the person who had done it would pay. It was only when she noticed Kagami's murderous looks that everything fell into place and she tried.

Lila tried so hard to ruin Kagami Tsurugi's life. At school, at home, with the girl's fencing partners. Everything. But somehow Kagami was untouchable.

So, she went around, attacking Chloe with gossip around the school, accusing Marinette of bullying, telling everyone that Adrien was gay, throwing suggestions to Sabrina's stupid father; everything she could do she did and in a way, she got some results, but nothing significant.

Not even when Lila talked – lied - about lovers or high society ex-lovers like Damian Wayne, Peter Stark, Princess Shuri to make the girl jealous, Marinette reacted.

It was frustrating. Marinette getting further and further away from her control, the days and months passing, the anger rising. But she had everything ready for that night.

Lila would recover what was hers for better or for worse.

Nino choked on his drink and coughed violently, drawing her attention.

"You're right, man?!" Kim asked worriedly as he hit the DJ on the back.

The whole class was sitting in a discreet corner of the club that filled up more with each passing minute, so the boy was soon surrounded by concerned colleagues.

Lila tried not to roll her eyes in annoyance.

Nino inhaled the air trying to compose himself, his outstretched arm pointing to a somewhere in the club. "Ma-MA"

Alya frowned in confusion before following the direction with her eyes, where Nino pointed. The reaction she had was almost identical to Nino.

"MARINETTE?!" She screamed; the club's music drowning out, but the class was able to hear without a problem as they were close.

Lila felt a sharp pain and burning in the back of her neck from the speed that she turned her head, but it didn't matter. With ‘Marinette, Marinette, Marinette’ singing in her mind, she rested her eyes on the sight of the gods.

There she was. Sin itself. Lila felt her mouth dry, feeling deeply dehydrated.

She had other people with her, but the Italian had eyes only for Marinette. For the way the pants hugged the curves like a glove, the contrast of red and black against the alabaster skin, the sudden ability to walk in heels.

The loose hair that she never showed anyone, just for Lila, but now everyone was seeing.

"Wow, Marinette looks beautiful." Alix sighed.

"I didn't know Sabrina could look like this..." Max commented back.

"Chloe looks beautiful, too." Kim's cheeks were flushed.

"... Mari..." Alya said again, her eyes glassy, unaware of Nino's grimace.

Lila felt her anger burn again.

Everyone was looking at Marinette. Everyone was coveting what was hers.

She swallowed the rest of the gin violently before placing the glass on the table and walked to the dance floor.

Tonight, Marinette would look at her, only at her.

▫▪▪

Meeting Damian's family on the sofas in the VIP area of the Moulin Rouge had been quite a scene, since the group of heroes - and vigilantes - attracted a lot of attention, even though they were doing nothing but talking and drinking.

Artemis and Kori, two tall and strong women, wearing simple clothes: Kori with a black lace trimmed silk satin mini dress accompanied by black shorts, and on her feet, four-inch open toe pump noir from Visage; Artemis, on the other hand, was more comfortable with blue ripped skinny jeans, a transparent black button-down blouse - a lace bralette underneath - and on the feet, Jeffrey Campbell's four-inch rodillo-hi wedge sandal.

Babs was also tall, but not quite as tall as the other two. She was wearing a scribbled multicolored Jeremy Scott mini dress and red YSL stilettos opyum 110 on her feet. Cass was the most casual, all in black wearing a black t-shirt with sleeves wrapped around her shoulders, denim and converse Chuck Taylor.

Steph was wearing a black Prada technical nylon jumpsuit with black Oxford heels and Marinette was never so proud.

She succeeded in just a year, making them understand that jeans and hoodies were not the solution for everything. Only Cass who was still fighting her, but Marinette was nothing but persistent. She was going to make it.

From the boys, there was not much difference from the ones she had seen before. All between Félix and Luka. Which was disappointing, honestly.

They were all sitting, talking and drinking, Jon had disappeared with Mirelle in the middle of the dance floor and Tim had gone to the bathroom when Adrien jumped off Luka's lap.

"I love this song!" He shouted excitedly. "We have to go!" He took Marinette and Chloe's hand, pulling both without thinking twice.

Chloe laughed excitedly, turning quickly just to wave goodbye to Kagami and Marinette blew a kiss to Damian who leaned back against the couch, relaxing to watch the girl.

They had to push some people out of the way to get a good space, but soon they were dancing.

‘Why do we keep when the water runs? Why do we love if we're so mistaken?’ Adrien sang for both of them, arms up as he moved his hips.

‘Why do we leave when the chase is done? Don't search me in here, I'm already gone, baby’ Chloe sings back shaking her head while tossing her ponytail over her shoulder.

‘Why do we keep when the water runs? Why do we love?’ Marinette shrugged to take off her jacket and do a slow body roll. The sharp and sensual hips.

She looked over her shoulder, catching Damian's eye across the dance floor. He smiled; his eyes dark. Tim catches the change and laughs hard. Damian looks at his brother, his expression irritated.

Marinette dances again with her friends, putting her jacket back on her shoulders, getting lost in the music. Feeling the melody vibrate under the skin. Dancing was really wonderful.

The three of them stayed on the dance floor for what seemed like hours. Jumping, singing or just playing with each other. At one point, Sabrina joined them, but she didn't stay long.

Adrien was flushed from the effort; Chloe had a wet neck and Marinette was scalding in that leather jacket. That's when they decided to stop and go back to their table.

Chloe and Adrien were quick to sit on the plush seats, leaving only Damian's lap free for her to sit on, which she didn't hesitate to do.

"Hey, big boy." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "You come here often?"

Damian hugged her waist. "No, but if you want, I can come." He kissed her neck, his arm stretched out on the table to pick up the water bottle. "But first you have to drink water and take that jacket off to cool off."

She made a face, but didn't complained when she took off her jacket - which Damian threw on the table - and took the water from his hand. She managed to drain the bottle without having to stop to breathe, the thirst she hadn't noticed, calmed.

“Water has never tasted as good as it does today. Wow." She sighed in delight.

"I know something much better." Damian whispered in her ear and lowered his head to place a kiss on the back of her neck, enjoying the goosebumps.

"D-"

"If you guys stop flirting for a moment and pay attention to me, I would appreciate it." Adrien caught their attention.

"Agreste." Damian growled as he pulled his mouth away from her skin. “This is the second time today. Second."

Luka laughed at his friend, blinking slowly. “Easy Wayne. He just wanted Marinette to see that.” He pointed discreetly at the dance floor.

Dance floor where Alya and Lila danced against each other, trying to sensualize. Trying was the key word, since Lila didn't seem to know what she was doing. But the worst was not them trying to sensualize, but trying and, on top of that, looking at Marinette waiting for a reaction.

"Do they really think this is going to work?" Sabrina asked really surprised.

"I wish I could unsee it. Jesus." Felix grunted.

"They can be worse than Tim." Dick stifled his laughter in Kori's dress and she stroked his hair.

"It's like a live trainwreck." Kagami had a glass of whiskey in her hand, trying to hide her laughter.

"This is disturbing." Jason raised his eyebrow at Alya twerking. "Very disturbing." He was sitting on Artemis's lap, his eyes barely open, almost asleep.

"I should sue them for this." Chloe was extremely irritated.

"Think on the bright side: at least they haven't started-" Damian raised his eyebrow, before rolling his eyes. "Forget what I was going to say."

"They really are- oh my god." Marinette put her hands on her face in disbelief.

Lila and Alya were kissing. Kissing in a very obscene way, if Marinette could add.

"Guys, this is worse than I expected." Cassandra commented without emotion. A beer in her right hand and her left arm on Stephanie's shoulders.

Marinette was not really believing the general situation of what was happening. Of course, she imagined that Lila would try some of her irritating plans to humiliate her in front of everyone, but she didn't think that Lila would be allying herself with Alya in such a rude way.

For God’s sake! Alya had a boyfriend and even though she didn't really like Nino, she should at least respect him. Nino was not a bad guy, perhaps too innocent for falling for the lies of the two girls, but he was still kind and fun. Quite honest.

Seeing Alya simply dismissing his feelings as if it was nothing, made Marinette disgusted.

If she still liked either girl, that would be the moment when the feeling would end.

"I feel so bad for her boyfriend." Steph said pointing to a dark corner on the other side of the club, where Nino looked devastated.

Marinette felt her anger burn at the sight.

She had arrived at the club determined to do nothing against Lila or Alya, but that changed when she saw Nino looking so heartbroken.

Those two would pay for thinking only of themselves.

Marinette turned to her friends, the miraculous team, with a stormy expression. “Bee, Cat and Fox-” Chloe, Adrien and Sabrina straightened up, their eyes hardening. "I have a plan and I think you will like it." She smiled like the devil, the three showing equal smiles.

"What about me, Mari-hime?" Kagami asked, eager to help.

"You and everyone are going to sit here and watch."

Damian squeezed her waist, reaching for her ear again.

"I love it when you look like this. Ready to bite heads off."

Marinette turned her face only to place an innocent kiss on his lips, before moving away to Damian's ear.

"Then you will love even more what I am about to do." And she bit the lobe of his ear, pausing only to appreciate the way his fingers dug into the bare skin of her waist, before getting up.

"Now if you guys excuse us, we have a show to do."

▫▪▪

Lila was about to open her mouth again to deepen the kiss with Alya, when the music was abruptly cut off and everyone started booing.

"Sorry! Sorry!" The DJ - Allan from Mr. Dubois' class - said into the microphone. "I know you want to keep dancing, but a very peculiar request came and I thought you would love it."

She looked at the spot where Marinette had been sitting - sitting on the lap of a man Lila had never seen before - but did not find the girl. Only Tsurugi and Couffaine were still sitting there with the strange friends. None of Marinette's other three minions were there.

The man who had been with Marinette before noticed Lila's gaze and raised an eyebrow in defiance and she had to look away back to the DJ booth.

"What do you think of a live show?" Allan asked, getting excited by the enthusiasm of the audience. "Great, great- because I have four friends here who want the high point of the night!"

Lila had a really bad feeling about what was about to happen.

He turned back, waving to the people in the back and when they reached the light, Lila's heart dropped to her stomach.

Marinette, Chloe, Sabrina and Adrien were smiling like a cat that ate the canary while waving to everyone.

"You must recognize them: Adrien Agreste, Sabrina Raincomprix, Chloe Bourgeois and Marinette Dupain-Cheng, from Ms. Bustier's class!" Everyone shouted excitedly. "The stage is all yours." He said to them when he handed the microphone to Marinette.

Adrien, Chloe and Sabrina already had microphones in their hands.

The melody started and Marinette, along with the three of them, headed for the stairs that led to the dance floor. The light following in their footsteps.

La-la, la-la, la

They leaned against the railing, posing. Marinette first, Adrien behind her, Sabrina next and Chloe at the top.

Yeah, it's been a long night and the mirror's telling me to go home (go home)

Marinette started to sing, her voice rocking everyone in the club watching her and the three friends doing backing vocals.

But it's been a long time since I felt this good on my own (uh)

She ran a hand over her bare belly before going up to her hair, pushing it out of the way. Marinette was breathtaking.

Lotta years went by With my hands tied up in your ropes (your ropes) Forever and ever, no more (no more)

Marinette rocked her hips to the side, shaking her head in denial and the other three did the same, but Lila's focus was only on Dupain-Cheng.

The midnight sky is the road I'm takin' Head high up in the clouds (oh, oh)

Her voice came raw, sensual. She slid while holding the railing of the stairs, never failing to move her hips. A wild glow in the eye.

I was born to run, I don't belong to anyone, oh no Don't need to be loved by you (by you)

She got up and the four started to sing together in what looked like the chorus.

Fire in my lungs Can't bite the Devil on my tongue, oh no Don't need to be loved by you

They started down the stairs slowly, still dancing to the melody of the song.

See my lips on her mouth Everybody's talkin' now, baby Ooh, you know it's true (yeah, yeah)

It was then that Marinette, for the first time in months, looked directly at Lila. To Lila and Alya, who was shaking next to the Italian.

That I was born to run, I don't belong to anyone, oh no Don't need to be loved by you (loved by you)

She raised her hand and with her finger, signaled a 'no' before winking at them and looking away again. Lila was having trouble assimilating everything.

La-la, la-la, la

They reached the dance floor, everybody making room.

She got her hair pulled back 'Cause the sweat's drippin' off of her face (her face) Said, "It ain't so bad if I wanna make a couple mistakes"

Side by side, they waved their hands in front of their faces as if they were hot.

You should know right now that I never stayed put in one place Forever and ever, no more (no more)

They started to walk in a circle, looking at each person around them and smiling.

Marinette took the lead again.

The midnight sky is the road I'm takin' Head high up in the clouds (oh, oh)

Her voice was raw, resonating through Lila's body like a charm.

I was born to run, I don't belong to anyone, oh no Don't need to be loved by you (by you)

The four returned to stand side by side, to sing together.

Fire in my lungs Can't bite the Devil on my tongue, oh no Don't need to be loved by you

Adrien turned to Chloe and Marinette turned to Sabrina, her back to Adrien. They approached, so close that any mistakes Marinette and Sabrina could bump each other's mouths.

See my lips on her mouth Everybody's talkin' now, baby Ooh, you know it's true (yeah)

Lila felt the hatred burn in the pit of her stomach, disgusted by the intimacy that Sabrina - the same girl who had scorned everyone with Chloe for years - had with Marinette, while she only had a quick look and worst, she had to share with Alya.

That I was born to run, I don't belong to anyone, oh no Don't need to be loved by you (by you)

They moved away from each other and started walking on the dance floor, messing with people. Marinette getting closer and closer to her.

Until she stopped in front of Lila.

Oh I don't hide, blurry eyes like you

And sang to her. Directly to her. Marinette inches from her. If Lila reached out, she could touch Mari's skin again.

Like you

Marinette looked up at someone - Alya - behind her for a moment, before leaving again.

The meaning in the letter does not go unnoticed by either.

I was born to run, I don't belong to anyone, oh no I don't need to be loved by you (by you)

They walked on the dance floor again singing and dancing together.

Fire in my lungs Can't bite the Devil on my tongue, oh no Don't need to be loved by you

Marinette approached someone, the same guy as before, the one she was sitting on the lap. He was a few people away from Lila, but even with the distance, she was able to see the way his eyes were dark with possessiveness.

He advanced, being pulled by Marinette, before she turned her back to him making him embrace her.

See his hands 'round my waist Thought you never be replaced, baby Ooh, you know it's true (yeah)

Lila saw his hands go over Marinette's hips, the comfortable way he hid his face in her neck and the swing of her hips against his. As if it were normal for them.

Jealousy was burning again in Lila's chest.

That I was born to run, I don't belong to anyone, oh no Don't need to be loved by you (yeah)

Marinette looked up, meeting Lila's. The lyrics of the song were like a knife in her skin.

La-la, la-la, la, la-la

She saw Marinette turn around in his arms and kiss him. Slowly and deeply, completely oblivious to the screams of the audience.

You know it's true, you know it's true Loved by you

The others finished singing the song and with the end of the song, the hope that Marinette would return to her died.

But Lila would make her regret that.

▫▪▪

"MARI, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD SING!" Kori shouted over the applause.

"I didn't know the three of you sang." Conner commented in surprise.

"I think everything they do comes out well." Jon snorted.

"Thanks, guys." Marinette laughed sheepishly. It was still difficult to receive so much praise.

"You sang like a Rockstar, Bugnette." Jason raised his hand and she hit a hi-five.

"That's why I always invite her to be part of my music." Luka laughed; arms wrapped around Adrien.

"Damian doesn't seem happy about it at all." Tim commented, looking at his sullen brother.

"Oh no. He's like that because you interrupted us four times tonight.” Marinette replied.

"I'm surprised he hasn't tried to kill us yet." Dick laughed.

After the group of friends finished singing, they were approached by friends excited by the show. Damian getting annoyed at being interrupted for the third time that night.

Chloe had kissed Kagami, Adrien jumped into Luka's arms, Sabrina and Félix having a moment; but when Damian tried to monopolize Marinette, his family appeared to interrupt them.

"It’s because I’m without my katana here, otherwise I would have already killed you."

"Uh-oh here comes trouble." Adrien looked over Marinette's shoulder and she feared what it was about, but she turned nonetheless.

And for sure. There was a problem.

Alya, Lila and the entire class, even a constipated-looking Nino, walking up to them.

"And here they come wanting to be humiliated again." Sabrina shook her head in disbelief.

When the class reached them, Marinette was able to notice Alya's murderous look at Damian, as Lila had a smug smile on her face and Nathaniel's apologetic look.

"Good night, Marinette." Lila greeted, the fake sweet tone already taking Mari's patience.

"So, it's him, huh." Alya snarled, Nino looked like he was about to cry.

"He...?" Damian frowned.

"You must be Marinette's boyfriend." Lila doesn’t answer the unspoken question. "My name is Lila Rossi; it is a pleasure to finally meet you." She raised her hand to him, but he didn't react. Still looking at the group with contempt.

"Damian." He replied dryly.

The two had a silent dispute to face.

"Ah- hi, Juleka!" Adrien waved at the girl and she looked away, refusing to wave back. Luka had a sad gleam in his eyes.

Juleka was not part of the group of people who attacked them verbally, but she also remained neutral, since Rose really believed in the bullshit that Lila told. She didn't want to become a pariah of the class like Marinette, and it hit the Couffaine siblings hard.

Which got worse with the discovery that Jagged was Luka's father and that Luka was leaving Kitty Section to live with him in Gotham.

Juleka never forgave him for it and blamed Adrien for supporting Luka's departure

"So, it was with you that Marinette cheated on Alya, huh." Alix said without caring about anything.

"You aren’t that great." Kim looked analytically at Damian and Marinette felt Damian exhale heavily.

"Who said that?" Marinette asked Alix.

Ivan raised an eyebrow at her. "It's common knowledge that you cheated on Alya, Marinette."

"Don't act innocent!" Alya shouted. "I can't believe you exchanged a year of relationship to be with this... ugh."

Chloe stepped forward to defend her friends, but Marinette stopped her.

"Alya, whether you believe it or not, I never cheated on you." She said calmly.

Alya scoffed. "It seems to me that you got over it really fast, since you were exchanging spit with this one."

Marinette blew out an incredulous breath. “We broke up almost three years ago, Alya. Did you really think I was going to be single forever?”

Max frowned upset. "People who can't stay faithful shouldn't be dating."

"I agree with you, Max. I'm glad I was never unfaithful." Marinette responded as calmly as she could at that moment.

"You should have more compassion for other people, Marinette." Lila decided to get involved. "Knowing that Alya would be hurt to see you being cozy with your... boyfriend." A false expression of concern on her face.

She looked at the Italian, her face blank. Lila hadn't noticed the opening she left for Marinette.

"What are you talking about, Lila?" She asked, confusion on her face. "You didn't seem concerned about Alya when we dated for six months after she broke up with me."

Alya turned to face Lila, surprised by Marinette's words. The class was in the same state.

"What are you talking about, Marinette?" Rose asked, shock clear in her expression.

“Lila, after Alya broke up with me, came to me offering a shoulder to cry. She stayed by my side while I tried to forget about Alya and in the end, we started dating.”

"YOU WHAT?!" Alya snarled.

Marinette tilted her head. "I thought you told them, Lila."

Lila's eyes were wide, not knowing what to say.

“But why would Lila date you, if she was the one who said you were cheating on Alya? It doesn't make sense.” Nino pointed.

"Maybe because Marinette never cheated on Alya and Lila lied to you about everything." Felix replied.

Alya shook her head in denial. "This has to be a lie, because if it's true..."

"... If true, you broke up with your girlfriend just so that Lila would have the opportunity to date her." Nathaniel commented, a devilish smile on his lips.

"It's a lie, guys!" Lila shouted. "She's just saying that to mess you!"

Alya stopped shaking her head, considering Lila's words.

"I have proof." Marinette said and Lila stiffened. “But it doesn't matter anymore. Today is the last day I have to see you, so it makes no difference whether you believe me or not.”

"Last day?" Lila asked curiously.

"Yeah. I'm going to live in Gotham with these losers here.” And he pointed to the batfam, superboys - even if they were from Metropolis -, alien, amazon and the miraculous team behind her. "Today is our farewell." She shrugged.

"Oh." Alya sighed.

Lila didn't like what she heard. Angry again.

"So what? You are leaving just like this? Are you going to leave me to live with this nobody?! "

Damian snarled. "What did you call me?!"

"Damian." Marinette said and he stepped back. “And yes, Lila. I will leave just like this. I owe you no satisfaction from what I do or don't do. You decided to lie to me and I decided that you would not be part of it.”

She picked up the jacket on the table and took Damian's hand. The party was over for her.

“I grew up and you should do the same. Goodbye."

Deciding to leave as soon as possible, Marinette did not wait for Lila's answer and pulled Damian away.

She was an adult now; teenage intrigues were no longer part of her daily life.

When the two reached the Moulin Rouge's sidewalk, Marinette turned to Damian.

"So, how about a tour in your hotel room?" She winked at him.

Damian smiled beatifically. "I thought you'd never ask."

Tikki was right. Waiting was worth it.

BONUS #1:

"Hey, Damian did you saw Ma- oh"

“Okay, this is it. Run Agreste.”

"But-"

"Shut up and run."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...!"

"LUKA HELP ME!!!"

BONUS #2:

Marinette picked up the phone, noting that there were two voicemail notifications.

She was surprised, since everyone who had that number was in the gardens enjoying Alfred's birthday party.

Marinette put the phone to her ear, curiosity eating at her.

"Hello, Mari?" She inhaled hard. How did Alya get her phone number? “Hi, it's me Alya, Alya Césaire. Hah of course you know who I am... You, uh, must be wondering how I got your number... I got it from Nathaniel. Don't be mad at him, please! I needed to talk to you, but it's like you moved to Narnia. You probably blocked me, hah.”

She felt tears prick her eyes. As much as Marinette held a grudge against Alya, she still missed the friendship they shared and hearing her voice like that was like putting salt in the wound.

“Mari- Marinette. I wanted to apologize. I'm sorry for everything.” Tears falling freely. “I know that just words won't undo everything I did or said to you, but I needed you to know that I regret everything. I loved you, I still love you, but I see that feeling has rotted and blossomed into the worst of me. You didn't deserve anything that we did for you. I want you to understand that I was stupid, childish and did not weigh the consequences of my actions, but that I am trying to improve-“ The signal for the end of the voicemail rang and Marinette immediately clicked on the second message.

“Sorry, I reached the time limit. Hah. After that night at the club, I came home and thought about everything a lot. Nino has been helping me daily and- I'm grateful Mari, because Nino was kind enough to forgive me for what I did. I think I'm really falling in love with him now that I'm not blinded by meanness. Lila is no longer in Paris. I may have... left some videos at the Italian embassy for her mother to see and even if she is of age, some things would be really harmful for Ms. Rossi at the embassy, so the two left Paris. The last thing I heard was that she was arrested for stalking a girl from university she was attending. Anyway. I thank Mari, for being my best friend, my girlfriend. I love you. Bye." The finishing beep rang again and Marinette put the phone down.

The tears came down salty, wetting the beautiful fabric of her summer dress. She felt light, relieved as if a heavy weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

Marinette knew it would take her a while to actually talk to Alya, but deep down she knew she had already forgiven the girl for everything.

"Mari?" She heard Damian's voice and the silent footsteps on the wooden floor.

She quickly wiped away her tears, trying to compose herself. "I'm here, Dames."

He entered the room worried. Her voice seemed unsteady. "Hey-" Damian stopped, observing the state she was in and ran to her side on the bed. "What happened, habibit?"

Marinette pressed her forehead against his, a shy smile on her lips. "I'm fine, love." Damian put his arm around her, pulling the girl onto his lap. "Really. I'm fine. No need to worry."

Damian kissed her lips tenderly. "Of course I worry. I will always worry about you.”

She pulled him in again for a kiss. Longer, but no less sweet.

"I love you, Damian Wayne."

"I love you, Marinette Dupain-Cheng."

[animalanie]

Oneshot - Obey Me! Shall We Date? [Thunderous nights]

Fandom: Obey Me! Shall We Date?

Title: Thunderous Nights

Pairing: Satan X Gender Neutral MC

Word Count: +1.8K

Warning: None

A/N: Just some Satan X MC fluff for ya <3 cuz I haven’t uploaded here in so long. I tried my best, so I hope you like it!

If you like my work, feel free to find more in my Masterlist! You can also request here from any of these fandoms!

“Of course it started raining the moment I left!” You yelled at yourself for staying back at the academy longer as you made a futile attempt to cover your head with your hands as you ran to the House of Lamentation.

You had stayed back in the gigantic library to research more on the essay you had to write for one of your classes and didn’t notice how much time had passed. By the time you exited the building, it was relatively cloudy but it didn’t seem like it would rain anytime soon. Of course, you were proven wrong the moment the first drop landed on your head, then a few more before it started pouring heavily.

You focused on the sound of your feet splashing in the flooded road as you looked around you. Neon lights hanging from posts and buildings would have attracted your attention if you were otherwise jobless. The hanging lights usually helped you calm down but now, they only seemed to droop lower than usual due to how strong the wind was. 

You forced yourself to pay attention to where you were running when you finally noticed the House of Lamentation coming into view. With newly filled determination, you quickened your pace to reach there as soon as possible. 

Once finally inside, you heaved a sigh in relief as you closed the door behind you. Water dripped in large amounts to the welcome mat under your feet. You only hoped it would be able to soak all the water and prevent it from spreading to the floor. 

You looked around the hallway and the staircase to see if anyone was available. You doubted most of them would help you without expecting something in return but you were just about ready for anyone by now.

“Is anyone home?” You yelled and waited for a response, only to receive silence. 

Of course, they are all suddenly gone when I need them.

You grumbled as you contemplated going to your room and leaving a trail of water behind you or risk slipping on the polished floors- or both. Begrudgingly, you took off your shoes and were about to enter when the sound of footsteps reached your ears.

You looked up to see Satan turning from around the corner of the hallway and walking your way, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“Where have you been?” He asked before walking closer.

“Through hell.” You sassed, making him chuckle lightly as he examined your situation. 

“Quite literal, aren’t you?” He tilted his head before looking back up at you.

“A little help, maybe? Unless you want me to leave a trail of slipping hazard all the way to my room?”

“Well, it would truly irk Lucifer so I might consider that.” You rolled your eyes as he genuinely began considering your idea. “Alright, then, how do you suppose I should help you? Should I get you a towel to begin with?”

“Yes, please.” You replied immediately as he nodded and walked away quickly, leaving you to your thoughts once more. 

“Don’t you look absolutely delightful?” You heard a sultry voice echo and looked up to see Asmodeus leaning over the railing with the support of his elbows.

“Hello to you too, Asmo.” 

“What happened to you?” He tilted his head as you sighed.

“I stayed back at RAD to finish my work and by the time I was coming back, it started raining.” You shrugged your shoulders and looked back at the ground.

“You could’ve called me to come help you, you know? You know I’m ready to keep you company anytime, darling.” He winked at you as you rolled your eyes at him in return and Satan appeared again from around the corner with a towel.

“And risk you getting your hair wet in the rain? No way!” Asmo gasped in realization at your claim.

“You’re absolutely right! Oh, you take such good care of me, MC!” He smiled at you before waving a gentle bye to you and walking away just as Satan came in his view. 

“Here,” He muttered and draped the towel over your shoulders before beginning to wipe your damp hair.

“You know, I can do it myself.” You smirked at him as he returned the gesture with a small one of his own.

“But do you want to?” 

“Maybe not,” You shrugged as Satan smirked, continuing to rub the towel over your head.

“What were you doing out so late, anyway?” He asked as you removed your soaked jacket and folded it in your arms. 

“I was in the library, trying to finish my research for an essay I am supposed to submit next week. It’s been kind of rough trying to find relevant articles on the topic.” You sighed and turned your gaze to the ground as you thought back to how stressed you’ve been because of this one assignment.

“What’s your essay on?”

“It’s about the impact of the lack of sun versus the presence of sun on the Devildom. Now, I don’t know much about this place so I’ve been very confused about how to continue.”

“I could help you out, if you want. From what I know, almost everyone got a different topic to work with but, fortunately, I have quite a range of books in my room. Furthermore, I seem to know quite a lot about Devildom as well, so you have that, not that that was obvious, certainly.” You looked at the demon as he pulled the towel away from your head and draped it across your shoulders. He was smirking as he looked at you after offering his help rather sarcastically.

“Yeah, because you totally haven’t spent your entire life here.” You shook your head in exaggeration before continuing, “Thank you,” You chuckled as he ruffled your hair with a small smile.

“Why don’t you freshen up and come to my room? I’ll have some books ready for you to look through.” You nodded enthusiastically and wrapped the towel around you properly before keeping your shoes away to dry, then going up to your room so you could change and take a quick shower. 

Once you were ready, you took your essay and a few research papers that you were lucky enough to find with you. You walked over to Satan’s bedroom door and knocked on it twice before receiving a muffled answer from inside a couple of seconds later.

“Hey,” You muttered as you stepped in and closed the door behind you. Satan looked up from one of the many books around him and tilted his head slightly.

“Hey, you’re just in time. I found a few books that might help you out and if you have any questions you can’t find the answers to, you can ask me as well.” He looked up at you as you sat beside him on the bed, making sure to not sit on any books, and placed your papers next to you. 

“Also,” Satan muttered before leaning away to grab something from his bedside table and that was when you saw the two steaming cups in his hands. “I got us some hot cocoa, I figured you could use something to warm you up.” He smiled lightly as you took the cup from him, a smile adoring your features as your face lit up.

“Thank you so much, Satan!” Your eyes closed as your smile widened at his concern for you. You opened your eyes to see the male averting his eyes suddenly.

“Of course,” He muttered and looked down at the bed as a hint of red coating his cheeks, making you smile further. 

“You’re adorable,” You chuckled and took a sip from your drink before setting it aside to focus your attention on the books around you.

“Is that so? Hm?” He muttered, his teasing tone making you look at him. Before you could react, he wrapped his arms around you to pull you closer to him. A little yelp left your lips in surprise as your back was pressed against his chest and he rested his chin on your shoulder.

“Satan!” You chuckled and shook your head as you felt your cheeks heat up at the sudden proximity. 

“Who’s absolutely adorable now?” He turned his head slightly to look at your expression, finding your current situation quite amusing. You smirked and turned in his arms to face him before leaning against him properly.

“I’m afraid it’s still you.” You pulled out your arms from his grip and wrapped them around his neck to give him a proper hug before bumping your nose against his. His eyes widened as the blush on his cheeks darkened just as you pulled away. 

Your smug expression confused him further as you leaned back and grabbed one of the books to begin your research. 

“Sorry, but it’s time to get some studying done.” You shrugged innocently and pressed your lips together to stop yourself from laughing out loud as you placed one of the books on your lap. Satan remained quiet for a few seconds before letting our a breathy chuckle and pulling the book out of your hands. 

“Oh, no, you don’t get to do that.” With a smirk, he pulled you back onto him and wrapped his arms tightly around your waist so you would be unable to escape again. “I’m not letting you go anytime soon, so you might as well give up.” With a confident tilt of his head, he leaned against the headboard of the bed and pulled you along with him so you were sitting on his lap.

Not wanting him to let you go, you played along by running your hands through his hair lightly, which caused him to close his eyes. He seemed to enjoy the care you were giving him, so you remained quiet and continued slowly running your fingers through his strands. The only sound you could hear was of the raindrops pattering against the room’s window, creating a peaceful silence between you two.

After a couple of seconds, a deep sigh escaped his lips as his body visibly relaxed; though, his grip on you remained all the same, not wanting to let you go. Feeling happy in his arms, you leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on his forehead. A content smile appeared on his lips the instant you pulled away and he finally opened his eyes.

“So you’ll take the blame if I’m not able to complete my assignment on time?” You teased and brought your hands to cradle his cheeks as you waited for his response.

“Absolutely not,” He denied with a growing smirk before continuing, “You’ll just have to work harder to finish it on time. After all, you started all this, didn’t you?” With that, he pulled you even closer and placed his forehead against yours, causing both of your smiles to widen. 

Needless to say, you were not starting your assignment anytime soon but you didn’t seem to mind it a bit.

[letapollojusticesayfuck]

i'm enabling you: all 10.

You really are enabling me. Arguably I should be sleeping right now. And yet...I’m going to answer All Of These, because I have zero self-control

What’s your personal favourite thing you wrote this year?

I’m going to have to go with fame vs infamy; it’s the first AA fanfic I started writing (though it was the second one I published) and was really just something I wrote because I thought it would be fun. It was an excuse to write silly fanfic-within-a-fanfic and in-universe fan conspiracies and all the niche tropes that I enjoy for some reason.

(my second-favorite fic from this year is undeniable you (the currents pulling me onward), because I’m Very Proud of it) 

What’s your least favourite thing you wrote this year?

This drabble, probably? But that’s mainly because I was writing it to fill a request, rather than because I had the specific idea for it on my own (and because I didn’t know the ship existed until I got the ask, lmao--though no judgement to whichever mysterious anon requested it! There’s nothing I’ve written this year that I actively dislike)

Which of your fics was most different from what you usually write?

Honestly, undeniable you (the currents pulling me onward) is really different than the typical fics I write for a couple reasons--it’s a multichapter fic, while I usually write oneshots; it’s pretty angst-heavy, where I usually write comedy/fluff; and it’s very structured in the first half, as it starts off as 6 chapters of casefic. But I’m really glad I wrote it, both as an exercise in planning out something with that much Plot going on, and as a way for me to try and sort out all the unfulfilled story/character arcs from canon.

Which of your fics this year was most successful?

Without a doubt, scoop of the century (read all about it!). I try not to talk about fic stats online, because arguably a huge part of a fic’s success is timing, luck, and word-of-mouth, but I really was not expecting 400+ kudos when I wrote the story on a whim over the course of a few days. I’m genuinely blown away. Thank you, to everyone who’s read it!

Which of your fics do you wish was more successful?

perspective. I understand why it’s my least popular AA fic (tonally pretty different than most of what I’ve written; character introspection-centric; weird nonchronological format and maybe a little repetitive in style), but look, I can’t help it, I love trying to get inside Klavier Gavin’s head and see how he feels about everything that’s happened to him over the course of his canon appearances in the games. It’s basically just close to my heart because I did a lot of Projecting while writing it, though. 

What’s your favourite piece of dialogue you wrote this year?

“Dude, your article is going viral,” Clay announces as he steps into the office. Apollo, from his position under the desk, doesn’t answer.

Clay stops and drags Apollo’s chair out from the desk, and forcibly evicts him from his tiny sanctuary.

“Hey, it’s a good thing! Apparently your plight is so relatable to teenagers out there that it’s driven our hits up, like, 3000%.”

Apollo buries his face in his hands. “I don’t wanna be relatable to teenagers.”

from scoop of the century (read all about it)

(I’m very proud of a lot of my Witty Banter Moments but this one stands out for how memorable it is to me)

What’s your favourite piece of description or narration?

He almost laughs at how Apollo gawks, eyes widening and breath catching in his throat, before Klavier is grabbed by the wrist and yanked inside the office, a stream of questions leaving Apollo’s lips as he stares, what are you doing here and I thought you were in LA and is this why you weren’t answering your texts—a barrage that he effectively silences when he leans down and kisses the other man, wraps his arms around his shoulders and finds himself somehow so, so relieved when Apollo lets the tension leave his frame and curls his arms around his waist and kisses back, soft and disbelieving, in the coffee-scented quiet of the morning.

from perspective

(I promise I think about other fics sometimes! I just really like the line “the coffee-scented quiet of the morning” (as well as, from earlier in this same fic, “bottom-drawer purgatory of his desk”). In retrospect, for as hard as I find them to write, I really like reading the dramatic emotional reveal/kiss scenes in my fics. But I can’t ever write them without infinite amounts of buildup)

Which fic this year was most fun to write?

aaaaa I already kind of answered this one up there--it was fame vs infamy, for all the reasons listed above. 

If you could go back and change something about one of the fics you wrote this year, what would it be?

I would....make grave misunderstandings longer, I think, and commit to a kind of comedic-with-angsty-undertones tone. I was kind of in a rush to get that one finished and posted, and had a lot of ideas I knew I wouldn’t have time to actually write in...most of which are sitting in a tumblr draft, actually, because I keep meaning to post them but then they multiply. 

What, if anything, are you going to try to do differently in your writing in the new year?

I’m going to work on trying to not have my sentences be super long (or at least, keep the super-long sentences from popping up as frequently); and I’m maybe going to try and write more multichapter fics?? No promises there, it entirely depends on the amount of time I’m dedicating to like. Actually Working. and if my brain cooperates to let me focus long enough to finish another multichapter. But I’m going to try!

Thank you for the Enabling Ask--now I really am going to go to sleep! 

[theshinsun]

brace urself, this is for the writing meta ask: 2, 6, 7, 14, 17, 19, 20 (if you need a direction for this... I always wanted to hear more about Bring Me Roses), 21, 22, and 24 bc i'm nosy and still very into your craft. thank you buddy!!

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

I'm so excited/terrified to finally start my knb college AU. I've been sitting on this idea for almost two years I'm so ready but at the same time I'm so not ready.

The gist is it's every single self-indulgent, chaotic, projection-ridden idea I've ever wanted for these boys all rolled in a big ball of shenanigans and character growth. It's a beautiful mess and I can't wait to make it happen as soon as ANR is done.

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

This is gonna come right the fuck out of left field, but I love writing Himuro. I have so much fun writing just... snark, and that boy is the perfect outlet, there's no bottom to that salt mine. I remember getting a similar kick out of writing Tsukishima in the past, I just live for sassy dialogue. It ain't much but it's honest work.

7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?

My style is very present, I think (which is funny bc there was a time I never would have considered writing present tense) focusing on what's happening and how it makes the character feel in the moment. I like to write specific, detailed imagery, but I try to keep it short and relevant to the scene, so I can move along and focus on what's important. I wouldn't call it fast-paced, exactly, but it is pretty to-the-point. And I think, based on the feedback I've received, that people who read my fics might agree with that. I've heard that my writing is very personal and character-driven, and I think that might be a byproduct of the time I spent writing in first person. Now I write almost exclusively third person limited, but I still like to get in the character's head and tell the story from their "point of view", I guess. 

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

It depends almost entirely on how quick I'm able to come up with a pun lol. Sometimes a fic has a title before I've even written the first sentence, sometimes I have to scramble for something, anything in the last few seconds before I publish it. A lot of the time I'll have a working title like "that one really fucked up aokaga oneshot" for pretty much the duration of writing a new fic… and a lot of the time I'll end up using song titles, even though we're past the days of writing songfics. 

17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

I think, to a degree, people get different things from my writing than I intended -- which is good! The way a piece of writing can be interpreted completely differently depending on who's reading it is one of the best things about being a writer tbh. I think people might be surprised, though, how different my fics often turn out from how I set out to make them. These days I've usually got a pretty detailed outline for what's going to happen, but even with all the preparation in the world, sometimes a fic will take a sudden detour I didn't expect, or something I wrote before will take on new meaning and change the direction I meant to go in. This definitely happens more with my longer fics, but there are times even with oneshots where I look back at what I set out to write, and what I ended up writing, and they're completely different.

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?)

I tend to write a lot of scenes with characters talking while in the car (cars are an intentional motif in ANR, but in something like GWGE there's not actually a lot of narrative purpose to this) I don't know why, maybe because it's a convenient way to have characters talk one-on-one, or maybe it's because I've had a lot of meaningful conversations while riding passenger, couldn't tell you, but it's cropped up more than once in my current fics and will probably feature in some of my upcoming ones (the college AU strikes me as a likely candidate), and I think it's worth taking note of.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

SINCE you mentioned Bring Me Roses, and I never really get to talk about it, pls allow me to go on a lengthy tangent about my most underrated fic of all time. (Like 90% of the reason it's still incomplete almost two years later is because the response when I posted it was so underwhelming, but I still stand by it. Someday I'll finish it, hopefully, if just for myself.) 

I'm so fucking proud of the language in this one. It's not perfect, by any means, but the imagery in my opinion is very strong, and almost every line of dialogue is saying something without really saying it. There are frequent allusions that something happened to Aomine's mother, relatively recently, and that Momoi is worried about him overworking out of grief or guilt, but none of those things are ever actually stated. There's also some pretty heavy implicit flirting between Aomine and Kuroko, even if it's a bit unusual and they're both playing it coy at this stage, the chemistry is there and the interest is mutual. And of course, because it's a florist AU, the flower symbolism… I spent so long researching bouquets, plant husbandry, how to prep and preserve cut flowers, and of course… flower meanings. The main ones that keep getting brought up are dahlias, which have just as many negative connotations as positive ones, including betrayal and instability, but also dignity, creativity and change, and come in a variety of colors shapes and even sizes (Islander or "dinnerplate" dahlias were definitely going to feature in part 2… as well as the connection between them and Aomine's mother). I know a lot of these things might not hit as hard because there's no actual payoff (yet), but still, in terms of "show don't tell" and setting up things to come, I don't think I have a single better example in my fic repertoire, I really went all out with this.

It's a shame I never got to follow through, but I got the impression that there just wasn't a lot of interest, and even if that alone is kind of a dumb reason not to continue, after I worked so hard to pull off what I did, the lack of response really killed my motivation. (I wonder sometimes if it would've been better received if it was an AoKaga fic… actually, I don't need to wonder, I'm sure it would have been, but that's not the story I set out to tell and I'm not going to change it.)

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as? (film, webcomic, animated series?)

Oh, I'd love to do some of my fics as comics. I even tried it at one point; GWGE was going to be a comic originally, before I decided a multichapter fic would probably be less exhausting (the first couple pages are still floating around in my art tag somewhere, though this was back in high school so the quality is… heh).

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

Yeah… I reread a lot. Usually while I'm working on a new chapter, I'll go over the ones that lead up to it to make sure I don't repeat the same phrases too much and that the continuity lines up, and I'll also admit to going back and just reading my own fics for fun. Sometimes the only one who's written exactly what I want to see is me. 

How I feel about them depends on the fic… some of my older ones are a mix of nostalgia and cringe tbh, but there are some I still genuinely enjoy revisiting from time to time. 

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

Oh hell yeah. For… better and worse, honestly. I feel like I've lost some fluidity and confidence in my writing, and it sometimes turns kind of stilted, so I try to overcompensate which results in pretty jarring changes of tone, but at the same time, I've gotten much better with rhythm and syntax, my grammar skills are always improving, and I'm able to incorporate a lot more intentional meaning and subtext without always stating things outright.

[full-course-identity]

Give me your thoughts on uuuh Jake

wew boy

okay. gonna word dump this, and probably other interpretation asks, so I can get the words out there.

from my POV, there’s 3 types of canon Jake + 1 fanon vers + my personal interpretation. lemme explain what they are;

Book Jake, who I don’t have enough experience with bc I STILL haven’t finished the book… >_>;

2River Jake, who is kinda oblivious and very in-the-moment impulsive (not so bad he’s jumping place to place ADHD like Rich, but like, not considering that maybe dropping everything to seduce Madeline or Christine is a bad idea when he clearly really likes Chloe). these are debatably survival mechanisms bc of his family (and wealth, if you want to go into the “being rich actually traumatizes you and locks you into dissociation” theory–but to be fair, this is partially reliant on thinking Jake is Genuinely Rich. … well, not Rich as in… yeah); ignoring any pain he feels in favor of getting dicked down and forgetting about everything for a while. very “I’m not sad, I’m busy!!!!!” 

Bway (possibly the new canon general for all Jakes since it sounds like London’s is modeled after him but just… toned down), who is still oblivious, but towards other people’s emotions instead of himself; he’s manipulative, a little impulsive but a lot more malicious about it, and he knows exactly how hurt he is about his parents. this jake’s awareness of himself makes him act worse because he knows this is the only thing that seems to help and it’s basically the only thing he actually has control of. his wealthiness is undeniably present and Bad here because the reason taking what he wants and not caring that it hurts people is his main coping skill is pretty much only because he’s been allowed that privilege all his life. i tend to think this version of him should be done by a white cishet dude (despite jake’s actor on bway being genuinely FANTASTIC) bc being marginalized in a high school should’ve curved a lot of the “endless power and privilege” he gets for being rich (Not That One). 

[i… think this jake has ‘better’/more nuanced writing in BWay… but i don’t think it fits the musical nor is it the overall direction i think it should’ve gone. BMC feels best to me when there’s a heavier element of Dark Humor that briefly nods to a Larger and more Fucked Up world behind the bit we see in the musical. making it largely a twisted comedy, maybe even ramping that up further with more whiplash lines like jake’s “which means the house is empty, so that’s fun”]

Fanon Jake is… like most of the fanon characters in BMC, a bit… “bipolar” (like, radically shifting depending on the situation). the BMC fandom has been born with heavy engagement from minors in the current fascist climate of fandom as a whole. as a result, you have three general uses of jake that as “approved of” by somehow the exact same people despite being conflicting in a lot of ways. THIS IS NOT ME SHITTING ON FANON, i actually think most of this fandom is just a casual romp for most people and that shouldn’t be snatched away from them nor mocked nor treated like you HAVE to be logically consistent when this is just a fun hobby for most… but there are still trends i notice:

1: Jake the sweet bi disaster who loves their significant other and is just a little bit hopeless in their silliness and Down For Whatever-esque personality. this is often used for shippy pictures and memes and cute little oneshots, plus, of course, fluff.

2: Jake the tragic abuse victim who is extremely sad and has to learn to love again and has always been selfless, plus or minus a permanent disability post-fire. this is of course used for hurt/comfort, plus in combination kinda with michael in the bathroom-esque posts and tragic art, often also used as an example of the squip being the worst for jeremy or rich guilt trauma. also: aesthetic and moodboard posts.

3: the one I have the least good will towards: Jake the “why does everybody woobify mlm? You can’t portray him without flaws! queer boys aren’t your fetish!!!” with an attached, clunkily written reasons why he was an asshole that is also simultaneously watered down so you don’t think he’s a Monster bc then you’d be vilifying queer men (well, more like they’d feel bad about their cutesy-er ‘emotional support’ art and writing which is Totally Different from all the other cutesy emotional support art and writing). 

basically, Meta Trying To Make Jake Reasonably Flawed But Not Evil in this fandom is RARELY genuine–it’s more often than not moralistic hand-wringing made so that they can wash themselves of the guilt for actually enjoying something with a character they portray as mlm, or otherwise the guilt of enjoying anything romantic or sexual involving men or queer people period when we’re apparently not supposed to do that anymore, as decreed by the radfems infesting our spaces. 

and, well, or you’re an mlm writing this post, you’re probably young and still feeling extremely sensitive and scared about your identity. i once saw a very wise post by a trans person who had been trans for a long time, who said that when you first come out as trans (or queer in general, but especially trans people who are beginning social or physical transition and coming to terms with themselves) you are obvs on High Fucking Alert and so you’re insecure and scared of anything, ranging from “obvious transphobia” to “just trans people enjoying themselves and exploring transphobia in fiction or else their own sexuality”. again, this can relate to a lot of identities tbh, and as such young mlm either cis or trans can get very Itchy about people enjoying mlm content.

anyway.

wrapping it back around to me: i edit jake on a case by case basis (sometimes i even make him eviler or meaner based on what’s set up during Bway, he’s just not my usual go-to villain), but i tend to think of him as a tragic Mr. Peanutbutter-y sweetheart who kinda knows he feels like shit yet also knows that if he stops to assess it, it would make his life a lot harder in a time where he can’t afford that. his relationship with chloe is extremely toxic (chloe abuses him horribly, specifically), and so he tries to claw his way out of it only to be continually back in by chloe and her bullshit. 

this is why he doesn’t really get... well. he genuinely thought the thing with christine was going to be permanent; he wasn’t jerking her around, he thought he was over chloe and wanted a girl as cool and fun and genuinely nice as her. afterward he Gets It, and so feels Really Bad--at a time where he doesn’t have his house, his legs are broken (i don’t tend to put him in a perma-wheelchair), his parents have abandoned him, and he best friend is in the hospital. guilt crashes in on him from all sides, and he just has to... pretend it isn’t, even as he can no longer stop himself from thinking about it.

if i was to do a jake focused story, it’d probably be a dating sim where you play as him and watch his life change in conjunction with his attempts to find happiness again; you can either choose decisions that help him greatly or ruin his life so ver much... hmm. lets file that under hashtag “story ideas i’ll never use even though they could be great”

to wrap this up: i like jake. i don’t... really enjoy most of the written content (fanfic, meta, sometimes even the storylines on ask blogs) in this fandom about him or... really, most of the characters, which i feel bad about--i’d enjoy it more if it was every in conjunction with my usual Wants in a fic, which is, like. extreme angst.

BUT

i do still like jake, and i can super enjoy his portrayal in memes and visual art

he’s just not my total fave, but like, the reason he tends not to come up a lot in my content is more what i’m focusing on and why. i’d be happy to use him in stories if his presence fit.

as a bonus

here’s the ships i’m happy to use him for, generally: deere, michael/jake, brooke/jake, toxic chloe/jake, and of course, different ocs/jake

his identities/labels: cis, bisexual/romantic... tho sometimes i actually go for bisexual and aromantic! outside bway and eviler jakes, i’m good with him being any race, and even then it’s just a matter of suspending disbelief re: privilege theory. also, PTSD probably, and maybe generalized anxiety as a result. maaaaaybe autistic too? adhd would be a hard sell for me since he seems super put together in a way that’d be extremely difficult for every form of adhd, but i can see him being neurodivergent on the spectrum + like dyslexia maybe. oh, and i sorta-kinda think he may be color blind? but really i’d drop that at a moment’s notice if it’d be easier to write him without it lol.

his interests: one is more or less sports in general, tho i think that, unless he went straight for track or swimming or something Olympics (which he probably can’t do now...), that’s a high school or some college only focus for him. so, besides sports, i think he’d kinda like the satisfaction and steady growth of Collecting Rare Things That You Have To Look For, like cool rocks, bugs, etc. 

as for careers... some form of doctor something, maybe a businessman of some sort but he’d likely try to curve his power in that field as much as possible; he inherits his parents' assets and company or whatever, but he probably takes a backseat to that and only really has it out of a sense of ‘it’s my job as my parent’s kid to keep the company going--without engaging in the same awful legal issues they did--for as long as i can’. one of my fave jake-is-there stories, vanceypant’s spicy bis-focused fic 1999, has him owning a restaurant, and that was cool as hell.

also jake loves dogs. especially golden retrievers. yes.

[hecallsmehischild]

It would be nice if I could do what I want to do without having to untangle the spaghetti that is my brain every time.

I feel like I might be very close to accepting the idea that I may never write an original novel. I had always kept it as a hope in the back of my mind, but sometimes things like that can end up festering into shame the more time passes. It’s been ten years. I think it would be better to let it go in full right now and release myself from that expectation. There is shame partly because it’s the one gift I have that has any shot at wide-spread influence. And I wanted, since I was a kid, to help put the fantasy genre back on the Christian fiction shelves. Well, they turned in that direction without me and are doing a lot better job than they used to. And I can’t sort my theological understanding enough to write a specifically Christian fantasy story without slipping into cliches, sounding like I’m preaching, or opening up questions I’m not prepared to answer in the scope of a fictional story.

I used to be so afraid that burying my talents was a crime, but I have a very narrow view of my talents. I have many, many gifts that affect the small scale. I am making this home a welcoming place to be. I carefully tend the relationship with my husband. I am reaching out to the neighbors and friends with sweets and baked goods. Crafts flow forth from this art room, and many more are given away than I ever sell. Who knows what good is done there? I can hope. I make conversation with our plumber, with neighbors, with friends, with strangers. I’m starting to kick back more reviews into the fanfic community after years of focusing on only my own writing projects. These are all small scale things, but does that make them less worthy? The correct answer is no, but the cowering fear in my heart screams, “Yes!” I fear that if I do not do the one thing that has a chance at widespread influence, then I have failed. Again. And the longer I hold onto even the possibility that I might write a novel, the more the failure rails at me.

I am tired of bearing this war inside me. I am sorry, so sorry, my novel. But I cannot carry you. I cannot keep striving for this out of fear, surely there will be no beauty in such a story. I set you aside. I mourn you. I mourn old dreams of twelve year old me, cradling the hopes of being the youngest published novelist. I mourn the stories I couldn’t bear to tell, for fear I would not tell them well enough. May these concepts be seeded into minds less fearful than mine, and hands more steady on the keyboard.

And I am still afraid and wounded by what happened with that person last year. I sink into paranoid imaginings sometimes, picturing what would happen if they showed up or if they send a package. It’s almost a year. Anniversaries were very important to this person, and their birthday is the day after mine. Our birthdays last year, that’s when it all fell apart. I have never had a more wretched birthday than I did last year, when I finally hit 30. My walls are thicker, and I am more prone to cut ties and say “no” than I used to be, even in the face of genuine need. I cannot tell what is and what is not genuine need and I cannot simply trust like that anymore.

My thoughts are so scrambled on this topic, all over the place. I wonder, now, as I never used to, how much giving is too much giving? I still love to give, have even planned out appreciation of friends in special ways recently and in times to come. Since last year, excepting people I’ve known for years and have solid rapport with, I've responded poorly to requests made of me, with my heart throwing up the walls and drawing the bridge up in a panic. I’m not who I was in many respects. I remember loudly declaring, in 2016, that I was an ambulance. So naive. So foolish. Doctor, heal thyself. I cannot bear the weight.

Am I stronger? In some ways, much stronger and healthier, but it only takes a moment for that strength to flip into utter fragility and I can FEEL when it happens. There are many instances where I simply cannot bear further weight laid on those parts of my heart. In some cases, I can, but in some I cannot and do I need to say that, then? Do I need to say, “I am no longer a safe person to come to,” or “I will tell you if I can’t help you,” or “You need to find someone who isn’t broken along these same lines, I have nothing left in this area for you,” ... or... what? I don’t even know. I thought it was my duty to do this. To sit with people in their pain, in the dark, shouldering all they choose to tell me. But every time a meme saying something like “I will sit with you through thick and thin,” or “true friends are the ones that are there for you through all the hard times,” comes along, it’s all I can do not to jump in, adding something supremely unhelpful like, “No. I. Can’t. Yes, there are limits, even if you’re on a bridge there are limits to what I can do for you.” At this point, there are even limits on things I WANT to do in that situation. If I’m to be soul-bloody honest, I never want to talk another person off a bridge or ledge again. Not because I want them dead, but because that part of me broke and I don’t think it will ever recover.

God, will I ever stop wondering whether she was even really on the bridges she claimed to be on? I want to let go. I want to let go, the memories and questions strangle me and I will never have answers. I want to let go to the point where she could walk up to me in person, and I would politely, civilly excuse myself from her company. Maybe even be able to wish her well, but hold firm not to engage ever again. I want that sort of freedom. Some days I am still so, so bound by what happened. I am tired.

And I am even tired of writing fanfiction. I think that this is a specific type of writing tiredness, as in, I am tired of sustaining a complex plot over multiple fics. Long sagas. I have three, now. Three super long sagas in two fandoms (each between 100-300k words total). I think, if I can get myself through Laughter Lines, there’s a very good chance I will go dark for a while on the fanfiction front. Oneshots sound nice. Oneshots from time to time, and maybe then I can finally focus on the re-editing larger projects. I think I would like that. But I feel like I have to drag myself through Laughter Lines first, and I want to make sure it’s good. I may be slogging through on my end of things, but I don’t want the reader to be slogging along, upset that the story hasn’t delivered what it promised. I have to pull it together and deliver a satisfactory ending to this. I know approximately how it’s going to happen, I just need the right sequence of words.

I’m just tired. And sad. Been that way for a few days. I feel like I shouldn’t have to unwind the spaghetti in my brain, but the longer I put off doing it, the sadder I get. So, here’s an effort to put into words some of the melancholy that has taken hold of me. Maybe putting it into words will free up my brain to focus where I want it to focus. Hoping this will pass soon.

[vidaflxwer]

I love your work and enjoy reading your norray fics so much! if you don't could you give some advice on writing oneshots? i never seem to be able to type it all out without taking too long or making it into something with multiple chapters. thanks in advance!

first of all: i’m so glad to hear that you enjoy my work! genuinely, thank you so much for all of the support! it really does mean a whole lot to me and i appreciate it so, so much more than any of you probably know

now, as for my advice: i think the real thing that you want to focus on with one-shots, especially when you don’t want to make them too long, is limiting exactly what your story is about.

with long, multi-chaptered fics, you’re able to shift your focus to multiple aspects of what’s happening and facets of the characters personalities that a one-shot just can’t properly grasp, if it’s a short one-shot. longer one-shots are sometimes able to portray this better, but it does mean it will take you a lot of time to do. and since you’re just looking to write shorter pieces, it’s better to forfeit all of that extravagance reserved for longer stories altogether. 

whenever i start working on a shorter one-shot, the first thing i decide is whose perspective i’m going to write it from. in norray’s case - is it norman or ray? this way you can really get into the head of that particular character, and not have to worry about how the others perspective is going to play into theirs. though this can sometimes work in one-shots, they’re typically better in longer ones rather than short ones. after that’s decided, i sort of build off of the vague concept i had from there. in one-shots, really what’s best to do is hone in on one particular event. that way you don’t wind up getting caught up in the ideas of “well what if this happened?”, which makes you more inclined to write a fic far longer than the one you originally intended. 

for example: i have a one-shot i’m currently working on called cheap cigarettes. the idea of it came from a line i heard in one of my favorite songs by nothing but thieves, soda, where he goes, “i’ve been living off soda and cheap cigarettes.” that’s what got me to thinking about a future where ray held some sort of a regret for norman dying back when they were in high school. as i started to write the first few paragraphs, it became clear to me that the story was about how ray was selfish back then and should’ve known that there was something up with norman - a something that would eventually lead to his demise - but he was so caught up in being loved by him that he just wrote every strange occurrence off by believing the lies norman told him. 

now, you might think that this would wind up being a lot longer. and i could go into more depth with it, if i so chose. but that’s where the whole “limiting yourself” bit becomes crucial. i could go into norman’s perspective. i could go into every single scene of every single lie norman ever told ray and make it a lot more heart-wrenching. but it wouldn’t be a one-shot at that point. it would wind up being something far longer. 

think of it this way: one-shots are meant to be a glimpse of a far larger picture, a moment in time that is encapsulated enough so that the readers get enough, but not so much that it becomes the entire picture. multi-chaptered fics are meant to be that big picture, where every chapter you write paints it even further.

it’s a hard art to master, and i mean that. i’m fortunate enough to have gotten lucky in being able to do these things subconsciously - i’m not actually aware of them half of the time i do them - but it’s a trick i’ve gained with practice. 

i truly am sorry if this advice doesn’t help any but i thought maybe if i gave you insight into my personal process, you might at least gain some inspiration when it came to your own! 

(side note: i have no idea what prompted people to start sending me asks about writing advice but i am so unbelievably flattered that you look up to me that much to ask for advice on writing. i never thought i’d see the day so thank you! so much! it’s truly an honor!) 

[justcallmesailor]

Chemistry (Isaac Lahey x Reader feat. Scott McCall)

A/N: Not necessarily requested but everyone seemed to like the idea of me writing outdated af teen wolf fanfiction so here you go. Based this one on a personal experience from my first relationship, I’m just genuinely oblivious when it comes to someone flirting with me lol.

Summary: Being clueless makes life hard sometimes; it’s extremely easy to cause others’ frustration and you never really know what’s going on. Both of those ring true when a certain someone takes a liking to you and tries to get your attention. You don’t realize he’s flirting with you during Chemistry class until one of your friends (aggressively) points it out to you.

Word Count: 1356 (I think this is the longest oneshot I’ve written lol. I still could’ve written more but I edited some stuff out of it because I thought it was dragging on for too long)

You walked into Chemistry, expecting to be sitting next to one of your best friends, Scott, once again. The seat next to him was taken by Stiles, though. Frowning at the two of them, which they responded to with a shrug, you glanced around for a vacant seat. It seemed that every seat had been taken.

“Is something wrong Miss (Y/L/N)?” you heard Mr. Harris say from behind you.

You whipped around, “Uh...well. I just um..I can’t find a seat?”

“Perhaps the one next to Mr. Lahey would work,” he said, no amusement present on his face as the rest of the class laughed at your expense. You glanced over and saw that the one vacant seat in the room happened to be next to your crush, Isaac Lahey; shuffling over and sitting down quietly, you muttered, “Sorry.”  You began to get your things out but you soon noticed that your pencil wasn’t in its usual place inside your bag.

You looked back up to ask to borrow one but, instead, you saw your pencil being held out to you.

“Missing this?” Isaac said as you glanced over to him. 

You nodded and gingerly took the pencil from his grasp. As you started to reply, you were cut off by class starting so you turned away to take notes. Eventually (inevitably) you started to get bored so you looked to the side intending to look through the window but you, instead, met gazes with Isaac. Both of you quickly looked away, Isaac smiling slightly and you blushing a deep red. 

You spent the next ten minutes staring intensely at your paper. Well, until you were hit in the back of the head with a folded note. Turning around, you saw Scott gesturing for you to read the note; you rolled your eyes and discreetly unfolded the small paper.

‘Talk to him,’ it read. You glanced at Scott with an eyebrow raised, not entirely sure what he meant.

He nodded at Isaac and mouthed, “He likes you.” You shook your head.

“Excuse me, is my lecture interrupting your gossip?” Mr. Harris said, looking between you and Scott. You shook your head again, turning back around in your seat.

“Good, you’ll have plenty of time to converse in detention after school today anyways,” he said and you frowned, not wanting to have detention for what seemed like the hundredth time this year. “Now, as I was saying, today you will be attempting an experiment with the person next to you. I suppose, if it goes well, you must have good chemistry with your partner,” he said, clearly intending to make a pun but everyone just rolled their eyes. He passed out a set of instructions to each pair before letting you all start.

Your hand brushed against Isaac’s as you both reached for the instructions; you pulled yours away and let him grab the paper instead. He groaned and you tried to peer over at the instructions, “What is it?”

“I don’t think this will even be possible. He does realize we aren’t actual chemists, right?” he said, holding out the paper for you as he looked over at you.

You smiled slightly, glancing down at the instructions and briefly reading over them, “You’re right, this looks difficult. I think we can do it, though.” You moved to push a lock of hair away that had fallen onto your face but he beat you to it, gently tucking it behind your ear.

“Oh. Um, thanks?” you said awkwardly, getting out all of the necessary materials for the experiment before getting started. He smiled, not-so-subtly staring over at you as you began carefully measuring things and pouring them into the beaker over the burner.

Still entirely oblivious, you stayed focus on the chemical mixture, “Isaac?” He blinked rapidly, snapping out of his daze, “Hm?”

“Can you pass me the thermometer? I need to check if this is hot enough yet,” you asked, turning off the Bunsen burner.

“Oh you’re more than hot enough,” he muttered, passing you the thermometer. You giggled, “What?” 

He cleared his throat, “I said it’s probably more than hot enough.” You shrugged, checking the temperature, “Well, it seems you’re right.”

“Yeah...I’m right for you, anyways,” he muttered under his breath, again. You frowned, elbowing him, “Isaac, speak up. I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.” He smiled sheepishly and stood up, “Sorry. I was just saying that the mix is a good temperature. Should I go put the burner away?” You nodded, “Probably. Thanks for putting it away.” He smiled down at you, picking up the Bunsen burner, “No problem.” 

Your concentration was interrupted by Scott rushing over after Isaac had left and whacking you in the back of the head. You frowned, gingerly rubbing the back of your head, “What the heck was that for Scott?”

“He’s clearly into you! I thought you liked him?” he said, exasperated.

“Shhh! Do you want the whole school to hear?” you glared at him. He sighed, speaking quieter, “Fine. Just tell him how you feel, it’s frustrating watching the two of you.”

You narrowed your eyes when you realized something, “Wait, did you purposefully let Stiles sit with you so I would have to sit with Isaac?” He looked at you guiltily, about to respond when you cut him off with a huff, “Scott!”

He laughed nervously, “Sorry! It had to be done. He’s been flirting with you for months now and you’ve been ignoring him, I’m starting to feel bad for the poor guy at this point.” You wanted to protest but Isaac was coming back so you shoved Scott off the stool, harshly whispering, “Just go, I don’t need him knowing about my feelings for him.” He raised an eyebrow, defiantly leaning against your work station, “I’ll go if you just tell him.”

“Tell me what?” Isaac came up behind you, glancing curiously between you two.

You opened your mouth to come up with a lie when Scott blurted out, “She likes you.”

If looks could kill, Scott would have died a horrible death from the look you were currently giving him. With that death glare permanently seared into his memory, Scott ran back to his work station. Isaac smirked, his gaze turning directly to you, “Really?”

You silently nodded, hiding your face in your hands due to intense embarrassment. Suddenly, your hands were being pulled down to your sides.

“Well that makes doing this quite a bit easier,” he said right before quickly pecking your lips, making sure the teacher wouldn’t catch him. You were blushing heavily as you turned to finish the experiment, not acknowledging what had just happened. After you both successfully completed the task, Mr. Harris wandered over to your table.

“Well it looks like you two are the only ones who were actually able to do this. I suppose you really do have some chemistry,” he commented before returning to the front of the room to dismiss the class. 

As you gathered your things to leave, Isaac grasped your hand and tugged you with him to the hallway. You stumbled slightly, struggling to keep up with his fast pace. Looking over your shoulder, you saw Scott and Stiles both giving you two thumbs-up and you rolled your eyes. Eventually, Isaac slowed down by his locker and you nearly ran into him due to the sudden stop.

Suddenly, he turned and pinned you to the lockers, kissing you for a bit longer this time. You barely had the time to register that he was kissing you for the second time today before he had already pulled away.

“I don’t think you know how much I’ve been wanting to do that,” he said, grinning at you.

You shrugged and said, “I have a vague idea,” before leaning in and kissing him again.

[brightlotusmoon]

I’ve gotten messages about being sent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles stuff. But if you guys really want to buy me something, I would love this specially made insole. I want to see if it will actually work on the Spastic Hemplegic Cerebral Palsy and Autistic Dyspraxia and Ataxia.

Plus I plan on taking up Tai Chi after 22 years. The Michelangelo in my head is my cheerleader. Speed up Tai Chi and it’s mesmerizing. When I dissociate and maladaptive daydreaming takes over, Mikey shows me his moves.

The two suburban fantasy futuristic novels I am writing feature disabled Autistic humans with psionics. The OCs in my Ninja Turtles fanfics help shape my protagonists. My publisher only accepts neurodivergent authors with neurodivergent characters because we are not represented enough. Eventually I might write a separate story about Gaia and her family and sumbit it as original. I love her that much. Summer is new but her background is fully constructed. She may be a OC for 2003 4Kids Mikey but she is completely her own. My lingering choices are making her demisexual and panromantic. If 2003 Mikey falls for her it wouldn’t be cliched stereotypical. I got over my “TMNT falls for OC” phase ten years ago. Now I am using my own life experience with my husband as inspiration. I need an easy gentle friendship with telepathic bonding first, even slower and longer than 2012 Mikey and Gaia. Summer isn’t as psionically powerful as Gaia but she has that same block Mikey had in childhood, prompting Bishop’s desire to acquire her because John Bishop played with her parents’ genetics. See, The Brightest Fire totally has multiple plots! And I do want readers to request and contribute though. I have the overall story. But each chapter will be both a continuous flow and a What If. I know @mysillylittlesoapbox assured me that the TMNT Fandom loves my stuff but would they be willing to contribute ideas to a 2003 4Kids Mikey-centric AU that might not end??

Cold Fire Rising clocked in at between 105,000 and 109,000 words depending on the publishing platform. I can see The Brightest Fire doing the same. I desperately want to show Michelangelo the way Mirage and Archie comics and the movies portrayed him. I want to undo the damage David Wise did with the 1987 David Wise series. I take a lot of inspiration from the magnificent @hummerhouse who writes Mike as a creative, intuitive, empathic, emotionally available, therapeutic voice who reads his family like a synesthetic natural psychic. His ADHD fueled lack of focus, his clueless accidental screwups, his mistakes in battle, his overly healthy ego that boosts others just by being loud and proud … those flaws are part of him.

See, I’ve got my own multiple kinds of neurodivergence, my own brain weasels. I see his character through my own lens of neuropsychology.

I see Michelangelo as easily prone to Major Unipolar Depression, C-PTSD, suicidal thoughts, Anxiety, Panic Disorder, fear of rejection hidden behind inflated self worth that is actually shattered. Specific to ADHD is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Mike wears so many masks to hide all his hurt that the masks have become his permanent behavior. Not even he can remove them. He is the Comedian and the Prankster, he is the jokester who taunts and annoys, and even in his sleep he represses anything hinting at serious moods. He supports his team by being a pillar of light and joy. He can’t remember anything else. What would happen if those masks began to crack? How bad would it get if the hidden worlds of Michelangelo began to reveal themselves?

Where was I? Oh, right. Protalus insoles. That may help me do tai chi while I imagine the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles encouraging me. Without the childish surfer stoner foolhardy personalities.

Mikey is articulate, erudite, full of interpersonal and emotional and kinesthetic intelligences, his raspy rounded guttural tenor soothing like a fairy tale narrator and a sports commentator in one.

I imagine him showing my crippled me how to move, various dances and gymnastic exercises modified and personalized to fit my unique brain damage and its disconnect with muscles and nerves. Periventricular Leukomalacia. Hypoxic Ischemic Encephalopathy. Multiple cardiac arrests while my preterm newborn body was in the NICU. Being pushed from the womb at 26 weeks in 1979 meant that no one knew what they know now. Which means that my characters became my proxies if you will. I only write fanfics about Ninja Turtles because I see Too Much in them. I am grateful that 2003 Mikey was neglected an abused because I can take him and change it. The writers piling on the comic relief, not knowing what to do, making him The Chew Toy and The Butt Monkey and The Gadfly…. It gave me ideas and opportunities. The way Splinter seemed to physically recoil whenever Mikey cracked a joke, that got to me, the way the animators made Splinter’s lip curl in a snarl or sneer had me reading too much. Did Splinter dislike his youngest? How deep did that disappointment run? Was Mike oblivious? Those moments full of third hand embarrassment. And all the times his brothers slapped his head for saying silly observations.

His grudge match with Kluh showed how powerful he is, how much he loved his family. It was over too soon. Leo leading him up that mountain. It needed more. No one believed in him, no one thought his potential was worth anything. It hurt me personally.

After the battle with Ch'rell and Mikey’s wise speech defending Leo, I foolishly thought Mike would become that Sensitive wise one.

When they went to the future and Mike didn’t even take creating his weapons seriously I wanted to strangle the writers.

Cold Fire Rising (and its original) was my tribute to the Mike created by Kevin based on his friend, full of creative passion, dry wit, pure heart, shining optimism, empathy, organic intuition, comedic timing, athletic perfection, therapeutic touch. The Leader, The Muscles, The Brain, The Optimist (The Athlete, The Trickster, The Wild Card, The Artist, The Heart, The Empath) . Not the foolish, dull, dim, dense, pizza-obsessed, inept, useless according to both enemies and allies, background support, the designated youngest who didn’t know any better and needed protection.

Mikey The Lifegiver, which began as a oneshot exploring his role in the team’s psychology, quickly expanded into a powerful AU about Depression, being different, and struggling to both fit in and stand out while being proud to be different. The Sunshine Child took it even further. The Brightest Fire will be my reclaiming of a side of Mikey that should have always been there. Giving him organic psionics that were deliberately stunted, giving him genuine reasons to develop Depression and mood disorders and neurological disabilities, is a way of taking the Mirage Mikey, the Archie Mikey, and the Nickelodeon Mikey and merging them with the 4Kids Mikey via my headcanons.

I also need to figure out which brother really does fit best with 2003 Mikey and why. Probably Donnie. This is why I need reader opinions.

I’ll also work on the first oneshot for the new “reader requests” fic book soon just so my writerbrain can have some exercises. All universes, all versions, all genres, all tropes, all topics, all ratings, any characters, as long as Michelangelo is involved in some way.