#i fucking love organising data

[kinokochouchou]

human made lists of things made based on vibes/common theme my beloved

[blue-eli]

Ink October day 27: Seldom

Not often; infrequently or rarely.

[quecksilvereyes]

oh my god do not click links in emails that tell you to verify your data or your bank account gets locked or click links in messages telling you your safety protocol is ending, like, tomorrow, you will get SCAMMED SO BAD AND YOU WILL LOSE A LOT OF FUCKING MONEY never ever let anyone pressure you into giving away login information especially to your online banking by creating a sense of urgency oh my GOD

some things to look out for

1. spelling mistakes. do you know how many rounds of marketing and sales experts these things go through? if theres a spelling mistake dont click it

2. not using your name. if an email adresses you with "dear customer" or, even worse, a generic "ladies and gentlemen", it is most likely not actually targeted to you

3. verifying or login links. even IF your bank was stupid enough to send these to customers, dont EVER click those. look at me. they can legally argue that youve given your data away and thus they dont have to pay you anything back DONT CLICK THAT FUCKING LINK

4. creating a sense of urgency. do this or we lock your account next week. do this or your ebanking stops working tomorrow. give us all your money in cash or your beloved granddaughter will get HANGED FOR MURDERING BABIES. no serious organisation would ever do something like that over email or sms. ever. hands off.

5. ALWAYS CHECK WHO SENT YOU THE EMAIL. the display name and the email adress can vary a LOT. anyone can check the display name. look at the email adress. does it look weird? call the fucking place it says its from. you will likely hear a very weary sigh.

6. if its in a phonecall, scammers love preventing you from hanging up or talking to other people to have a little bit of a think about whats happening. there should always be a possibility to go hey i wanna think about this ill call back the official number thanks.

7. do not, i repeat, do NOT a) call a phone number flashing on your screen promising to rid your computer of viruses after clicking a dodgy link and b) let them install shit on your computer like. uh. idk. teamviewer.

7.i. TEAM VIEWER LETS PEOPLE USE YOUR COMPUTER HOWEVER THEY WANT AS LONG AS THEYRE CONNECTED. IF YOU DONT KNOW FOR FUCKING SURE YOURE TALKING TO ACTUAL TECH SUPPORT DONT GIVE ANYONE ACCESS TO YOUR COMPUTER.

fun little addendum: did you know a link can just automatically download shit? like. a virus? an app you can't uninstall unless you reset your entire device? dont click links unless youre extremely sure you know where they lead. hover your mouse over it and check the url.

thanks.

[keferon]

Sorry in advance for the word vomit but. I love the whole Jazz-and-Prowl figuring out the language barrier but also consider:

They don't.

Prowl's been captured by Quintessons and is currently thinking of ways to completely scrape his processor so they can't get any useful data, only to get rescued by a random mech. They fight their way out (the mech is extremely proficient in combat). At first he thinks it's a drone- it looks at him when he asks questions but doesn't answer (responds to noise, not language), it is sparkless (not alive) and it makes random but entirely incoherent noises and doesn't even ping (not able to communicate). Prowl has no idea what's going on but he's too injured to make it back to base alone and it's helping him? So. He chalks it up to some waylaid stealth military asset and tries to think of ways to both get it back to base whilst also making sure it's not some sort of Quintesson Trojan-horse [10%].

Meanwhile, Jazz was sent to blow up a Quintesson command camp by his organisation but instead he got thrown through a weird portal, and found a pilot all tied down and probably being tortured so naturally he busted him out but uh. He has no idea what the other is saying. He's talking in total tonal gibberish. Not that he's judging, he's heard some stuff about how far other piloting programs are willing to go to advance neural technology. And his face! He has one! A handsome one. Must be some advanced shit because he's got micro expressions and he's using them to frown as him. Anyways, Jazz's got bigger fish to fry. The sky's a different colour, there are two suns and atmo is reading terribly low levels of O2. Maybe he and this pilot got thrown into an alien planet? Cool- well, actually pretty bad but hey they're in this together.

Prowl knows by models that they're bound to run into another Quintesson patrol eventually, and based on the drones alertness to its surroundings, his previous observations to its capacity to fight, and how it doesn't stray to far from him, if patrol numbers are favourable [1-8 range] they can survive [70, .5]% the route back to base. But the drone is reckless and abandons him to the melee (how can a drone be reckless?) and Prowl gets injured worse. Energon drips from wounds, and the angle makes it challenging for him to patch it. But the drone creeps closer, folds to its (knees? Its joints are in an odd but effective configuration) and gently (gently?) begins to mimic (clumsily) Prowl's motions of patching his wounds. Here is where Prowl falters, because drones are not so careful. Drones do not do not look up multiple times at his faceplates, and become more delicate when they see you in pain. Drones don't hold out a servo and help you to your pedes when your done. Which begs the question, if he's not a drone, so what has been done to this mech?

Jazz on the other hand is freaking the fuck out. Naturally. Because uh, he started slicing Quints, expecting Frowny to do the same because his mech was still clearly operational, only for the idiot to completely disregarded normal combat standards which can be summarised as 'fight hard or die' and instead get chewed on by some big ass teeth.

Only to see the glowing purple dripping from his torn sides, only to see that he's bleeding.

Machines don't bleed.

So Jazz figures out Frowny is an alien first. He starts pointing at himself and saying his name, insistently, until Frowny repeats it. He points at Frowny, and records and replays whatever sound bite Frowny makes until Frowny's also nodding in confirmation. He still calls him Frowny, because even though he has his name? Probably? He has no idea what it means and can't actually pronounce it (no idea how to get a mouth to move that way) but hey! Progress! He does this again and again with small things (rock, hand, cyber?animals, music (Frowny's confused at that one it's pretty adorable) ect.

Prowl has no idea what to make of this strange mech. Is he a failed experiment? A runaway from Cybertron following the Functionalists rise or power? Thennn Prowl finds out one fateful night that the mech is actually an alien organic (in a fit of misunderstandings, and squeezes him pretty hard for it ouch and feels SO guilty about it later) and suddenly the language/culture barrier makes way more sense.

Prowl's injuries degrade (a line splits). He has no way to communicate this except for the energon dripping out of his chassis. The organic is clearly worried (how did he think he was ever sparkless), and Prowl can't reach the injury himself. So he guides the mech's servos past armour and wiring, down to protoform (near his sparkchamber) to the split line. Gestures and hopes the mech can figure out what to do from his miming[#^%]. That'll he'll be careful, and won't hurt him [5%, 87%, #*%, *########%].

Frowny is later picking shrapnel stuck in his forearm that's too small for him to remove, so Jazz gets out of his mech to help with his small human hands. Jazz has no way to communicate to Frowny that if he moves, he'll sheer Jazz's limbs clean off, but he goes in anyway, because Frowny's hurt, and speckled in blood. Because he's clearly struggling and hurt and tired. Because Jazz has to trust that he won't.

Frowny's injures eventually make him collapse, and Jazz carries him the rest of the way. Jazz has no idea how they'll be received (especially considering how Frowny reacted when he found out Jazz was organic). Jazz knows he might be dissected. Knows he might be pulled apart (again) but.

He remembers all the little moments they had on their journey (Frowny shielding him from falling rubble when Jazz was out of his mech once, them getting to gesticulating arguments, Frowny's reaction to his music, how he fell asleep on Jazz once and it was fricken adorable).

It doesn't matter that Jazz can't say (barely understands) his actual name. That Frowny probably doesn't understand his. It doesn't matter that they talk in halting miming, in broken sound clips and touches and half-glares.

He's already gone out on all his limbs, might as well put his head on the chopping block. And if it causes him to lose the damn thing, well.

He's a pilot. Dying horribly is practically his job description.

OOOUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHH DYING HORRIBLY IS PRACTICALLY HIS JOB DESCRIPTION,,,,,,,,,,,

[azacello]

story time - this Cardiothoracic trainee has been doing all of the stats for my various projects for the past 6 months while he’s been transferring to our hospital and he finally arrived about a month ago and I’d only ever spoken to him on the phone and I was HOPING he would be h*t , and . Well. He brought his own coffee machine for the on call room. He bought a new BED frame, mattress, he provided linen for people to change, he organised the shelves and in between taking calls about possible aortic dissections he starts fucking tagging all of the cables with cable ties he’s brought from HOME???? Like an INSANE person (something I would do) and he insists he’s definitely NOT ocd- he’s sooo fucking neurotic and high strung and arrogant and such a type A and he’s always whistling in the corridors (again something I do) so I always know when he’s coming and I just !!!!!!!!!!! And he sits there and he codes away my spreadsheets like tap tap tap and he chastises me about why I put capital letters in the data and is so patronising and sarcastic when he’s talking about his coding stuff like I’m four years old and. He’s Very tan. He’s very tan and very patronising and very arrogant And (unfortunately) very blond. And.

And I think im in love with him

[chlobliviate]

Wolfstar Microfics - Sickfic

Words: 984 🥲

@wolfstarmicrofic

TW for non graphic mentions of vomiting and covid

***

The Marauders had booked a cottage by the sea for a fortnight. Lily and James hadn’t been away since their honeymoon and Pete needed a break after his recent breakup with Sybil. (She told him she didn’t see a future with him, it was brutal.)

The plan was for Remus and Sirius to drive down on Friday, do a big food shop, and wait for the others to show up on Monday. Sirius had been thanking whatever gods arranged cricket matches for Pete and James’ team having one organised for the Sunday afternoon.

Since Remus had moved into his own place the previous year, Sirius had realised a couple of things. The first being that he couldn’t cook, at all. Remus was by no means a chef, but he understood what flavours went together somehow and how to know when things were cooked. The second was that he was absolutely head over heels in love with his best friend and had been for a long time.

There had been a very confusing drunken conversation with James where he was baffled to learn that James didn’t also want to lick Remus’ neck every time he reached for a mug in the top cabinet. He had peer-reviewed this data by asking Pete, Gideon, Fabian, Dorcas, Marlene, Mary, Lily, and Benjy Fenwick the same thing. None of them saw ‘neck licking’ as a platonic activity and among them, only Benjy was also interested in licking Remus’ neck, which, honestly, only made Sirius want to invite him to hang out with them all less.

But he’d figured it out eventually and now he was excited for a weekend of domestic bliss with his Moony before the others arrived. Just like old times.

Things started to go wonky on the drive down. Remus had developed a splitting headache somewhere around Bristol and Sirius took over driving. By the time they reached Plymouth, Remus was asleep.

They hadn’t made it halfway across Cornwall before Remus declared that Sirius needed to pull over immediately. He flung himself from the car and almost instantly vomited into the hedge. After five minutes of Remus propping himself against the hedge while his body heaved, he stumbled back to the car. Sirius handed him a bottle of water, some mints, and a plastic bag.

“Just in case.” He said, giving Remus’ hand a squeeze. “Are you ok to keep going now, or do you want to find a cafe and take a break?”

“It’s less than half an hour now, might as well keep going,” Remus said, hoarsely.

“Alright, let me know if you change your mind. It’s not a big deal, even if we’re only five minutes away, ok?”

They made it to St Ives with only one further stop where Remus threw up the water. They checked into the cottage and Sirius got their bags in before going to park the car. When he got back, Remus was lying on the sofa under his coat. Sirius dragged him upstairs and got him settled in the master bedroom in a nest of pillows and blankets. Then he put the kettle on and made them both a cup of tea, knowing Remus would probably be asleep by the time it was drinking temperature. He went into the bathroom, sat down on the edge of the bath, and fired off a text to the group chat.

Pads

Moony is sick. He had a headache a few hours ago and he threw up and now he’s burning up and sleeping. Trying not to panic.

James

You’re just worried your Flat 6 throwback weekend might not happen lol

Pads

Fuck off

I’m genuinely worried about him

Pete

So, I also felt really ill today and I think I know what’s wrong with him

Lily

Fuck.

Are you ok Pete? Do you need anything?

James

No way 😭 oh shit is that why I’m so achy?

Lily

Fuuuuuuuuuck

Pads

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!

Ok, nobody panic.

James

You’re the only one panicking

Pads

Yeah well, I meant me.

Ok, cool, so we both have covid probably. How do I get a test? I don’t even have a mask to go and get one.

Lily

You know Remus will have packed masks just in case. He has an emergency supply of everything I swear.

Pads

Ooh, good call.

I don’t want to wake him up but I’m not going to go through his bags.

Dilemma!

Moony

I can hear you pacing in the bathroom

I have masks

backpack front pocket

Lily

Re!

Are you ok?

Moony

No

Goodnight

Sirius went back into the bedroom and found Remus sitting up against the pillows.

“I’m dizzy when I lie down. It’s like being drunk.”

“That’s the worst.” Sirius knelt down and found the masks in Remus’ backpack. “I’m gonna go to Boots, get some tests and some cold and flu stuff. Will you be ok for ten minutes?”

“I’m sick, not an infant.” Remus rolled his eyes. “Thanks, sweetheart, you’re the best.”

As Remus snuggled back under the duvet, Sirius let himself out and headed across the road to Boots, trying not to implode at being called sweetheart, willing his hands to stop shaking.

He woke Remus up to swab his nose twenty minutes later and within seconds of putting the liquid on the test, it was positive.

“You’ve got covid, moons,” Sirius said quietly.

“I think you mean we’ve got covid. Let’s be real.” Remus groaned, “I wanted to go to the beach.”

“We’re here for two weeks, we’ll be able to go to the beach at some point.” Sirius perched next to him on the bed and pushed his hair back off his clammy forehead. “This time next week, we’ll be fine.”

Remus scoffed, “Speak for yourself.”

“Nah you’ll be fine. You’ve got me to look after you.” Remus smiled up at him sleepily and Sirius’s stomach did a flip. Oh, this was bad.

[crystalstunes]

crystal's tunes #2: WORRY. by Jeff Rosenstock (2016)

i was going to wait a while before talking about this album, but i mean come on, it's literally got a track called June 21st. if i was gonna do it any day it'd be today.

WORRY. is an album that's very special to me. i originally discovered it via James Acaster's book Perfect Sound Whatever (named after the closing track of the album), and in the years since it's become one of my most listened to albums of all time. i'm not going to link any specific songs here, because i feel like the album is meant to be listened to in its entirety.

this was the second studio album Jeff released after the end of his previous project, ska-punk collective Bomb the Music Industry!, which in itself was born out of the end of his previous-previous project The Arrogant Sons of Bitches. this album really feels like a culmination of all of his work leading up to this, refined to a T and bursting with energy.

"We're not stupid people but this financial oppression has got everyone believing all that we can do is nothing/'Cause we organise through avenues they lace with advertisements so the ones we rage against are still lining their pockets" - Festival Song (Track 3)

thematically, the album discusses a variety of issues with modern-day America, such as landlords/gentrification, the coroprate sponsors of festivals and culture, social media mining your data, police brutality, and how the world just keeps getting worse due to capitalism in general. this is especially evident on tracks such as Festival Song, Staring Out The Window at Your Old Apartment, Blast Damage Days, HELLLLHOOOOLE, and The Fuzz, but is present throughout the album. he also touches on some more personal issues, such as alcoholism and the struggles of being a DIY musician.

the production here is absolutely top-notch, every single element is balanced perfectly, guitars are clear and crushing when they need to be, drums are punchy, vocals cut through well and instruments such as saxophones, glockenspiels and synths are used in certain songs to offer various different sonic textures. its not just the instruments that are varied here though, he also travels across a number of styles such as his classic ska-punk on the 91 second track Rainbow, to more hardcore punk on 30 second track Planet Luxury.

the A-side of this album is fantastic, with tracks like We Begged 2 Explode, Pash Rash and Festival Song becoming fan favourites and staples of his live sets, but i think this album really comes into its own during it's B-side. every track from Blast Damage Days through to the final track Perfect Sound Whatever perfectly transition into each other, creating a medley of different punk subgenres that is absolutely incredible. it's cathartic and danceable all in one, and its one of my favourite things he's done on an album.

"Whenever we feel ashamed, being alive and awake in such an era of hate and military police/These are the mass murder days, we are the blast damage age, where we can't love anything, because they keep us afraid/Oh, I will be there, kicking, fighting, beating, screaming 'There's no fucking way I'm ever letting go of you!'" - Blast Damage Days (Track 9)

the album builds up in energy until its final anthemic, gang vocal repetitions of "Perfect always takes so long, because it don't exist/It doesn't exist!", which is one of Jeff's main mission statements creatively. the first Bomb the Music Industry! album Album Minus Band has anti-piracy hiss throughout from various plugins he used the demo versions of instead of buying, and a track that's project files corrupted so he couldnt mix it properly, but all of that just adds to the artistry of it all. nothing can ever truly be perfect, so just be honest and authentic and do what you want, because in both art and people, our imperfections are what make us whole. i'm not a perfect person, and that's alright. i may have my own anti-piracy demo plugin hiss in my brain, but that's just part of what makes me myself - i wouldn't truly be me without it, and that's beautiful.

i think this album is truly great because despite the overwhelmingly negative topics being discussed, in the end its hopeful, even if the world or your life seem like theyre fucked, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. the penultimate track ...While You're Alive, ends with the verse "And it's not like the love that they show us on TV/It's a home that can burn, it's a limb to freeze/It's worry/Love is worry". this can just be taken at face value as the fact that when you love someone you worry about them, but i interpret it a different way, especially with the context of the rest of the album.

when the government and systems are against you, you're fighting your own brain, and you're overwhelmed with worry, that worry is coming from a place of love, because you wouldnt worry about something you dont care about. you love yourself, you love the world, and in a way, your anxieties are really just a form of expressing your care and love even if it feels like fear, and anger, and sadness. and, for me at least, that's one of the most reassuring messages i've ever been given from an album. thanks, jeff.

"Because it's June 21st, and this winter was the worst we've ever seen, but we made it through the freeze/And now it's June 21st, and this winter was the worst we've ever seen, now it's 84 degrees forever." - June 21st (Track 14)

[totheidiot]

why i would be the avatar of the following entities

post heavily inspired by the wonderful mutual who is @cult-of-the-eye ❤️ i missed the entities who i couldn't figure out what my connection to would be. the list is in alphabetical order for organisation. a few heavy topics ahead? but i try not to get too detailed with it. post is basically my connection to the fear entities and correlating my life experiences with them.

one. the corruption : i kid you not, if i was actually an avatar, this is who i would be. without a single doubt. let's see, not to going to get too in depth, but my best friend died of dengue a while back ya da ya da ya da after she died, i fell in love with her. disease. love. fucked up stuff. you get it.

two. the desolation : there was a fire they would burn outside my old school, to burn garbage and all of that. after a particularly difficult day at school, i would always walk over there and sit myself near the fire, just stare at it. sometimes i would burn little things like paper when i was feeling very angry. that pit of fire was a friend and i had liked to watch it burn. also self-destructive behaviour.

three. the end : refer to the corruption bits. my best friend's fate would tie into the end for me. also, my most major fear, ever since i knew about the concept of having a fear, was the fear of losing loved ones. so.

four. the extinction : okay, so last year, i believe, a thing happened in my city in bangladesh. for a night, the power of the entire city shut down. no electricity in any household, the generator was shut off, not even cellular data was working. so i am talking, no lights, no internet, not even a way to call by phone. load shedding, we had to use candles. it was a weekday night too, streetlights weren't working properly and there was no way for my father to contact us to tell us that he was safe. my mother thought that the prime minister had left the country for us to suffer. pure chaos. basic technology would not work, ovens and refrigerators needed an electrical connection obv and phones were useless. i was talking about this event and the post with my sister the other day and she suggested to add this to the dark, because no light but i feel like it fits the extinction way better for reasons i cannot formulate.

five. the eye : quiet, perceptive friend who just looks odd. you know the type, that was me. i was obsessed with gathering knowledge, i had a random fun fact for every subject. i prided myself with knowing a little about everything. furthermore, i have got this uncanny ability to just Know people's secrets?? okay suppose, my friend has a secret and she's hiding something from everyone. like it's a totally small thing, she likes someone but she doesn't want anyone to know. chances are, i will know. whether it's by observing their body language or thinking it over or just lucky guess, i will know. and the thing is, i will pretend not to know too. girl decided to tell us about that crush i will act shocked like everyone else, for no reason and then i'll go up to them in private and be like, "hey, i knew it. i guessed it last week."

i don't have anything for the meat related fears (fortunately?)

six. the lonely : *puts on a presentation on why i should be a lonely avatar and goes to the first slide* your boy has Social Anxiety. but in all seriousness, isolation, loneliness, it's all second nature to me. i get bothered when people are with me and even then, it feels like they are not? like people will be talking near me and it would feel like i am not even part of their world like. it's like watching a video of people talking like i am not involved in that, even though they are right next to me. they will try to include me in their conversation maybe, but that's not where i am? how can we exist in the same plane?

seven. the spiral : this is a fun one ! most mutuals probably already know this because i talk about it so so darn often but irl, most people actually call me the idiot ! all of my friends from bangladesh, almost every classmate calls me the idiot, to the point where i actually rarely used to hear me real (albeit dead) name spoken out loud. this kind of ties into the "there is no such thing as a real name" thing. also sometimes, late in the night, i will see and remember things and wake up the next day to find that it never happened ever. once, i was talking to my mother and i mentioned her like going to a hostel because she told me stories of how she attended a hostel in eighth grade and she starred at me. she told me that she had never attended a hostel and i was like, yes?? you did?? you always told me about jt?? and she was genuinely scared.

eight. the vast: talked about this once before but once, i was listening to the magnus archives three in the morning, it was one of the space episodes. got scared and suddenly, i had that urge to look out the window and i saw stars. in a light pollution world, where seeing the moon is uncommon, i see five or six stars. still to this day, do not know if i was imagining things.

that is it for all the spooky happenings that are happening.

[akookminsupporter]

Unrelated to anything just late night thoughts. I’ve been into bts for a while now, and it has always been about them for me. Obviously while watching their content I’ve gotten to know more about their culture and stuff, but I’ve never really delved further into the Korean culture nor the k-pop world, something that now I wish I had since I think it makes you look at things differently and more clearly. I mean, the k-pop world is as fucked up as any other music industry in any other country, even if it doesn’t seem like it at first glance, which makes me appreciate bts even more for whom they’ve come to be in an industry that’s very… constructed and harsh (to put it nicely). And not only that, but also for the fact that it’s thanks to them and other artists like them that the new generation of groups Can more easily navigate that world and be more open/honest, with themselves and with their fans (to some extent). These thoughts honestly came to me as a chain of events. I had just finished the Netflix show “Beef” (watch it if you haven’t is really good), and one of the main characters is a Korean male, and in one of the episodes there’s a suicide reference, and after finishing the series I don’t know why I wanted to check what was the suicide rate in Korea and oh boy… I wasn’t expecting it to be so bad but honestly I’m not that surprised either. But again, these are the things you don’t see when you just focus on the good stuff I guess. When looking at the suicide data I came across some idol suicides and I… it just really got to me. I mean, I was just watching a Jimin v-log from 2018 when he was reflecting about losing himself, the members having all their own issues and some feelings of the band loosing their focus — a v-log uploaded just a couple of months after Shinee member Jonghyun had committed suicide, an event that I know/feel that had some sort of effect on the band too. The stuff that happens around us, in our environment and in our social groups, even if these aren’t things directly linked to us, they can affect us, and the boys aren’t the exemption of that. I know the boys have said in the past that they try to show us their good parts, because they want to make us happy, and even though I appreciate that, I really wish and hope they aren’t suffering too much in silence. There is too much hate in this world, and there is too much hate online. Too much unnecessary shit honestly. All that mess and hate about fandoms is just ridiculous and harmful, specially if you don’t know what a person is going through behind their public image. And coming here to tumblr and seeing the back and forth between accounts is also so pointless. I know this post is all over the place but I guess that’s exactly how I was feeling rn and I just wanted to let it out. We need more love and understanding in this world. Wish you and your fam are doing fine Rosie 🫰🏼.

Although I usually answer the Asks I receive almost immediately, those that I want to post, of course, sometimes there are some that, although I know I want to post or answer, I don't do it immediately. Sometimes because I want to take some time to be able to answer correctly, other times I don't do it because, although I know what I want to say, I don't know how to organise it or translate it into English. I struggle a lot of times. This was one of those Asks.

When I read it for the first time I was answering or giving my opinion about each line written, but I was doing it in Spanish and I couldn't translate it correctly into English so I said, I'll post it later. The truth is that I really forgot what the ask said, but I knew I wanted to post it and I decided to do it now; when I reread it I stopped for a few seconds because the Ask is almost perfect for a day like today, after the news about Moonbin.

Korean society is particular, we could say, but it is too demanding, ruthless almost. The kpop industry is even more so. And I think as certain groups break barriers outside of Korea, the pressure on others increases as if the pressure isn't high enough already. One of the things I appreciate about bts and their agency is that they seem to have always had a certain freedom to express themselves in their music. Many of their songs are critical of the society they live in, about self-love, sadness and so on. Yoongi, for example, has always been a bit more open about those kinds of issues, but not everyone has that luxury.

The kpop community in general is toxic. They see these artists as machines, as puppets almost, who have to act the way they want to perform. And it's not easy. In a way, the human part of the Idol is lost or in some cases seems to be lost.

With the boom in the consumption of everything that has to do with Korea, the other side of that country has also come to light. Of that society. Of that industry. It's almost too easy to find Koreans on social media saying everything is not like kdramas and that living in Korea is hard. The standards of everything are very high. Many people who have decided to move there because they bought into the "illusion" have found it to be the worst.

And as far as I know, it's not just the entertainment industry. Normal life is difficult. The academic pressure on all young people in Korea is high. Depressing. Extremely demanding. The same goes for work and social pressure. That's why suicide rates are so high. And the fact that it's such a conservative society doesn't allow anything to be done to change a bit. Mental health is taboo in Korea, much more so than in other countries, I think. Or at least that's what I've read. And it's horrible.

Social media or the internet really is perhaps one of the worst double-edged weapons that humans have created. The anonymity that many sites or apps allow has given certain "internet warriors" the power to spread hate. With virtually no consequences. And it is sad and frightening. The smarter or more advanced our electronic devices become, the more dehumanised we become. Empathy and respect are rare traits these days.

I think the least we could do as human beings is to respect more but nowadays doing the simplest things has become the most difficult things ever.

[hrefna-the-raven]

Heart of Steel

Fallout masterlist - main masterlist

Chapter 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

Song for this chapter:

(Not the same 50s style song but the emotions fit the chapter perfectly)

Summary: The data you recovered from the Institute reveals that Paladin Danse isn't what everyone thought he was. How will this affect your position within the Brotherhood and your relationship with Maxson?

Warnings: heartache, emotions, swearing and a tiny King Arthur reference

Notes: Blind Betrayal...we're finally here and it's gonna be a hard chapter, I apologise in advance^^

Chapter 11 - Blind Betrayal

He read the lines of the messages over and over again. It couldn't be true, it had to be a mistake, an error in the system, deceit propagated by the Institute. It had to be anything but the truth. He cross-checked the data from the holotape, comparing it with their own records, and it consistently aligned, even down to the photo of him and he hadn't even aged a day. Of course Kells had already forwarded the message to everyone, dragging Maxson into the situation by claiming it was on his orders, leaving him no opportunity to address it privately before involving everyone else. A frustrated groan escaped him as he rose from his seat, hurling it against the wall, cursing continuously as he paced back and forth his private quarters. The lancer captain was merely fulfilling his duty and yet... How was he supposed to handle this? How could he back up the order to kill not only one of his most trusted paladins but also his friend? He looked up as a beeping sound emanated from his terminal, indicating a new message had arrived. You had just arrived at the airport and were sent to the command deck to receive the instructions for your new assignment.

"Fucking hell Kells", Maxson muttered to himself.

Given your opinion on synths and the fact that Danse had been acting as your mentor, he intended to keep you away from the current disaster but the lancer captain apparently had other plans. Arthur poured himself a glass of vodka and downed it to calm his nerves, taking a deep breath before proceeding to the observation room where you were already waiting for him. The smile you gave him shattered his heart and he could feel his stomach turn, nausea spreading through his body. Kells was situated directly below this room, and with the knight positioned at the entrance, he wouldn't even have an opportunity to explain the situation to you.

Your inner alarm went off as soon as you spotted the grim faces of everyone at the airport. The Knight stationed at the gate promptly instructed you to make your way to the observation room on the Elder's orders. The moment you stepped in, you noticed that something was wrong.

He maintained his usual stern face but the sadness in his eyes was worrying. Before you could even begin to comprehend the situation, he pulled you into a hug and whispered softly in your ear.

"I'm sorry", he took a few steps back, avoiding your gaze before turning towards the window.

"Proctor Quinlan completed the decryption of the data you retrieved from the Institute", Arthur took a deep breath, concentrating on not revealing the trembling of his voice as he continued, "Danse is a synth. He represents everything we hate... a monstrosity of technology."

"That's impossible!", you almost shouted.

Your mind froze at his words, their meaning as well as the tone he delivered them felt like a slap into the face. The weight of it all dragged you down into a pit of anguish and despair. The fact that your lost son was the enemy's leader hadn't fully sunk in yet and here you stood paralysed as the man you loved more than anything in this world revealed to you that Danse had been a creation of the same organisation that destroyed your family.

"I'm afraid not. The evidence is quite damning. To make matters worse, he's gone AWOL. And here you arrive at the same time he disappears without a trace. Is there anything you wish to tell me, Knight?"

The hatred dripping from his voice scared you and you instinctively took a step back at his accusation. Your whole world fell apart, betrayed and played by your own son, only to endure the accusation of treason by the man you had hoped to spend the rest of your days with. Anger surged deep within you, you were done with life throwing shit at you and you were done taking it. All that sadness and uncertainty transformed into an ugly beast and you you no longer cared if it roamed freely.

"After everything I've done for the Brotherhood, for you, you have some nerve accusing me of lying! You should be ashamed!", you spat back at him.

Maxson finally turned around, his lips quivering as he prodded a finger into your chest. He teetered on the edge of losing control, fully aware that his anger and desperation should have been directed at someone else, but he felt powerless. All these emotions felt foreign to him, like a distant haze on the horizon, a realm beyond his grasp.

"How dare you speak to me in that tone of voice!", his voice cracked, the pain evident within it, "I'm ordering you to hunt down Danse and execute him. This is not up for judgment or debate! Scribe Haylen has some information on Danse's location that she will only disclose to you. Find her and execute my order! You're dismissed!"

Before your mind could even consider the consequences, your hands shot up to his chest and you shoved him backwards with full force until his back collided with the window. You span around and stormed out of the room, heading straight down the airport to see Scribe Haylen.

Maxson remained rooted, back against the window, his heart pounding so violently as though it might burst from his chest at any given moment. His hands held up, he observed the trembling as his breaths grew heavier and the room began to spin around him. He should have been angry at you, punish, no, exile you from the Brotherhood for your insubordination but he couldn't. At the very back of his mind, hidden within the darkness, echoed a familiar voice, whispering a truth he didn't dare to voice out loud. He wanted you to refuse his order, for there was something within him that recognised your righteousness. No matter the hierarchy or the orders issued, you would always choose to do what was right. And yet, at the very same time he tried to silence that voice with the Brotherhood's codex, the one thing that kept him going all those years and dictated every aspect of his existence.

Haylen wiped away the tears streaming down your cheeks, comforting you. She whispered words of approval, grateful that her faith in you had not been misplaced and that you were willing to extend a chance to Danse. You both found comfort in knowing that not everyone within the Brotherhood would agree with Maxson's order to kill Danse, although you hoped to find him first. She wanted to accompany you, but you convinced her to stay behind out of fear that it might risk her position within the Brotherhood. This was your mission and you'd do everything to save Danse and prove Maxson wrong.

Torn between duty and the undeniable pull towards you, a unsettling restlessness within him had urged Arthur to follow you to Listening Post Bravo. Observing from a distance, he witnessed your adeptness in dismantling the defensive measures set up by Danse before vanishing into the structure. His fingers tapped nervously on his leg as he sat there waiting. Despite the clear lines of what could and should happen here, his mind remained blank, refusing to grant him any coherent thought. In hushed whispers, he found himself reciting passages from the Brotherhood's codex, almost like a desperate prayer to whatever god would listen. It was the Elder who had followed you, but it was the uncertainty of the boy who sat there, unsure of what steps to take next. A faint recognition woven into the fabric of his heart, reminding him that this moment was an inevitable consequence of the connection he formed with you. His breath hitched as he caught sight of the blinking elevator light and moments later, you emerged alongside Danse. His body moved of its own, marching towards you and Danse and the words that left his mouth felt as as though they were spoken by someone else entirely, someone stronger, more resolute, taking over the vulnerability he saw in that boy from the Citadel.

"Knight! Why has this... this thing not been destroyed?", Maxson spat, his voice carrying a poison that seemed unfamiliar, not only to you but also to himself.

"Arthur", Danse interjected, "it's not her fault. It's mine."

"I'll deal with you in a moment."

"That thing?!", you interrupted Maxson before he could continue, "do you even hear what you're saying? He's still alive because you're wrong about him, you're wrong about the synths and your orders are ridiculous!"

Your voice grew louder as the anger and disappointment rose within you. The man standing before you was unrecognizable; he was not the one who shared his heart and soul in Goodneighbor, nor was he the one who went out of his way to illuminate the control tower with an array of candlelights.

"I see you've made your decision, Knight. How very disappointing. You'd be willing to sacrifice your career...us.... for the sake of a machine."

Arthur cried out internally, trapped within his own mind and body, helpless and weak. All those words left his lips but he wished for them to remain unspoken. The years spent entangled in the Brotherhood's beliefs, confined within the Citadel, were tormenting him. Why wasn't he able to break free from it? With a trembling hand, he reached for his laser pistol, aiming it at Danse, his finger hovering over the trigger but unable to pull it as if being held by an invisible force. You stepped in front of Danse, moving towards Maxson until the barrel of the gun pressed against your chest.

"You really wish to kill them all? And him? Why? Just because a few among them have the potential to do something bad? What kind of conclusion does that logic draw about humanity? Do you even understand what happened the last time people were too caught up in their own beliefs of who the enemy is? Do you know how the Great War started? Why the bombs were dropped? It was exactly because of idiotic ideologies like this! Take it from someone who was there, who fought the mindless battles of others, risking their own life every day over someone else's hatred. You can do whatever you deem right, what you want even but ask yourself this: do you really wanna be like those whom you blame for all this chaos? And by consequence I have to ask myself: was I really that blind and foolish when I saw something more in you, someone greater than this dividing bullshit?! If you want Danse dead, you'll have to shoot me first, Elder!", you spoke, your voice finally steady and composed.

A thousand thoughts raced like through Arthur's mind as his piercing blue eyes were fixed on yours. The way you spat his title cut through him like a knife. It bore witness to the pain, the affection and the glimmer of hope, a sharp reminder that there was more to him than the his title. But why did he feel so powerless? In this moment it felt as if the evil of this world did beget him. The Institute, the synth, would ruin the Commonwealth and the Brotherhood, they had to die for it. Cursed by the hour in which they were created and Danse was one of them. So why did it feel wrong? Why was he trapped in the limbo of uncertainty, held back by the heart while his rationality urged him to act? Arthur yearned to confess that he couldn't care less about what Danse truly was, that they had fought side by side for years, bound by friendship and that he would never consider him a traitor but a true brother. Despite all of this, the Elder found himself holding a gun, not only aimed at his friend, but also at the woman who meant everything to him - the love of his life who spoke reason and acted on it where he couldn't. He growled, the agony within his soul evident, and took the pistol away, taking a few steps back as you called out his name. He shook his head, unable to bring himself to look at either Danse or you.

"Danse. As far as I'm concerned, you're dead", Maxson's voice cracked, the bleeding heart sipping through as he continued, "you were pursued and slain by this Brotherhood Knight and your remains were incinerated. From this day forward, you are forbidden to set foot on the Prydwen, or speak to anyone from the Brotherhood of Steel. Should you choose to ignore me, know that you'll be fired upon immediately."

Danse let out a relieved sigh and nodded while a faint smile tugged the corners of his mouth. Your lips quivered, the weight of the unknown finally lifting and you took a deep breath you didn't realise you were holding in. The words that left the Elder's mouth had a harsh and angry tone yet his eyes revealed a deep sense of shame and sorrow, a testament that your Arthur took this decision, against all of what he believed in, against all that had falsely guided him through all those years.

"I'm returning to the Prydwen, Knight. Take some time, say your goodbyes, and then I expect to see you there."

Arthur turned abruptly, beginning to walk away, but your delicate fingers intertwined with his, compelling him to halt. He couldn't bring himself to look back, afraid of exposing the tears that now streamed freely down his face, afraid to discover the disdain you might hold for his actions.

"Arthur stay", you pleaded in a fragile tone.

He stood frozen, his lips quivering as he let out soft sobs, shutting his eyes tightly.

"Would....would you even want me to?", he whispered almost inaudibly.

The sweet but unexpected sound of your chuckle startled him.

"And here I thought you knew me better", you spoke softly, tightening your grip on his hand as you gently turned him around.

The ice blue of his eyes was hidden behind a wall of tears and you traced a thumb over his quivering lips before you gently cupped his cheek.

"I'm proud of the decision you took today and you're always welcome to stay with me, Arthur."

The emphasis you placed on his name proved to be the breaking point, causing the dam of emotions he had suppressed for so long to burst forth. He pulled you into a hug, holding onto you with such force that it bordered on pain, tears streaming down his face as he pressed his cheek against your neck.

"I'm sorry", he managed to utter.

In response, you offered a comforting hum while your hands tenderly caressed his back and you pressed a tender kiss upon his temple.

You remained like this, frozen in the moment, for some time, the gentle breeze brushing against your skin and mingling with the cold touch of your tears. Time slipped away unnoticed until you caught sight of the setting sun. Danse emerged from the building, a duffel bag hanging over his shoulder.

"You should make your way to Greentop Nursery, it's not too far from here", you suggested.

"I don't know, I don't want to endanger the people living there", Danse sighed.

"You won't", Arthur assured him, "nobody will know you're there, I promise. Loose the armour, let your hair grow longer and you'll look as boring and unsuspecting as everyone else."

Danse couldn't help but chuckle at the Maxson's words. It would be difficult to live without the Brotherhood; they were like his second family. He'd miss the evenings he spent with you, with Arthur and the missions, fighting to make the world a better place. But he was still looking forward to his new life, you offered him a new purpose, aiding the Minutemen in protecting settlers. And maybe, he told himself, once the Institute was destroyed, you and Arthur would come to visit him. With a friendly tap on Arthur's shoulder and a final salute, Danse pulled you into a warm hug and bid his farewells.

You and Arthur made your way into the building, heading down as you decided that neither of you was ready to head back to the Prydwen after all that happened today. The air was still and a sense of calm settled around you like a protective shield. You sat beside each other on a dirty mattress in between old machinery and dusty desks, your fingers entwined, finding solace in each other's presence. In that moment, the world seemed to fade away and all that mattered was the love and understanding between you. The weight of Maxson's near-betrayal and the darkness that had threatened to consume him were momentarily forgotten and you finally dared to reveal what horrible truth had awaited you at the Institute. The very organisation you had set out to dismantle, presuming to hold Shaun captive, was led by none other than your own flesh and blood, the child you sought to rescue. The knowledge was like a knife twisting in your gut, yet you felt featherless as Arthur listened intently, his piercing blue eyes filled with a mix of concern and resolve while you unburdened your soul. He planted a tender kiss on your forehead, lingering for a moment before taking hold of your hands and pressing them against his chest.

"I promise you, love, I'll do everything in my power to destroy the Institute, for all the pain they brought upon you."

This was the very first time you heard him utter the promise of the Institute's destruction not for their technology or creation of their synths but solely for the pain they inflicted on you. It was a solemn vow emanating from the depths of his soul, fortified by the unwavering affection that resided within his heart. He was graced by the epiphany that had eluded him until now, dispelling the fog that had concealed the true path destiny had in store for him. A hopeful smile spread across his lips as he enveloped you in his arms and gently lowered you onto the mattress, holding you with tenderness and care.

"As soon as Liberty Prime is ready and we begin our final assault, I'll be fighting by your sight, protecting you and whatever happens, I won't leave your side", he whispered in your ear.

Exhausted, your eyelids became heavier and slowly, with the weight lifted from your heart and Arthur's soothing presence, you crossed the edge of dreams.

"There's something I've been wanting to ask you, my dearest, but it'll be for another day. Sleep well", he whispered into your ear, closing his eyes, eagerly awaiting the comforting embrace of slumber.

Chapter 12 - A flame in your heart

Feel free to reblog if you enjoyed the story :)

[wild-at-mind]

I clicked into a fundraiser that had a pretty legit sounding organiser- not only did they actually have a profile pic on gfm (vanishingly rare for these things) but they acknowledged that we might be concerned that they would not send all the money to the recipient in Gaza. They didn't necessarily do it well though- I feel like the fact that this money is going straight into the gfm organiser's bank account cannot be understated. So I would love to see that acknowledged and ideally the money would be going into a separate account, where it will be safe before transferring and not come out for your bills or anything. Someone with the best of intentions could easily be caught out by that, depending on their own finances, and not be able to replace the money. (See how this whole thing is so fucking messy.)

What was weird though was that i found this fundraiser through a bot message, and the text of that message had little to do with the text of the gfm. The gfm was all about replacing money for a destroyed shoe store in Gaza. Which, yknow, that's somebody's livelihood and its important, even if from the gfm it didn't sound like the person and their family were in imminent danger. But the bot message was talking about children being about to die, sounding like they definitely are in imminent danger. Very urgent language and loads of emojis as usual. And it was tagged with more urls than I've ever seen on one of these, which is saying something. That's why I call it a bot btw, not because i dont understand that someone might have difficulties with English or use emojis for impact- no human is typing out all those urls. I think they are data scraped from a reblog. All these bots are interacting with each other constantly, you can see their comments in almost any posted bot ask. Also, no one is manually going into all of our inboxes to post these- the asks are 100% bots.

So what's happening here? The fundraiser looked legit, though as usual I'm worried the organiser is naive about handling the money. But its being promoted by a bot. I wonder if there's some service that promises promotion for gfms (fundraising via crowdfunding is notoriously horribly difficult to do) and people are putting money into this service as an investment for good donation returns without realising they are paying for super emotive tumblr ask spamming? Maybe they do realise and think its OK for the greater good? I just don't know. Either way, it is working. On literally every other social media there is (well maybe twitter excluded) this kind of tactic would harm your fundraiser greatly by associating it with spam. Tumblr is the perfect place for this kind of thing, you have to hand it to them I suppose. The people doing this know their audience. :/

[delicatebluebirdruins]

Not A Hero and End of Zoe cutscene talk

theres not a lot but they have some points (and I probably missed some for Not A Hero... I feel like I did)

Not A Hero

1. Lucas: "Is it ready? Can we begin? "I can't help it, man. We've got work to do."

Veronica: "Chris, did we lose him?" Chris: "No, no. Ethan Winters has been secured. He's alive and well, considering." Veronica: "And Lucas Baker? Right now, he's our only link to The Connections." Chris: "He's next on my list.“

we don't learn who Lucas is talking to but we do know its not the connections. Lucas is a double agent selling data to have another group about Evie (and from one of the files we learn why. he thinks the connections won't use Evie properly)

two options: normal feedback from the guys in helicopter when they were flying away and Veronicas comment about how Lucas is their only link lends to that.

but also CONSIDERING WHAT? have you seen RE1 hd Chris alternative outfit looking like the most douchy thing known to man? you know don't judge a book by its cover. But all jokes aside he says this with assurance as if he knows Ethan. And they knew he was going to be there that's what it sounds like to me anyway

2. "dialogue: experiments with an e-type variant": aka these fuckers: fumers and mama molded (later on "I have no idea. its something new. Proceed with extreme caution... white variant is extremely resilient")

3. the son of a bitch has been sending status reports on Evie to the connections: self explanatory this is confirmation of their previous thoughts (briefing document you find in Chris's inventory at the start) and there is a moment of Chris expressing his distaste of working with Blue Umbrella.

4. "if you're gonna kill me just kill me for the love of god shut the fuck up"... no analysis just big ass mood really

5. "Umbrella and Redfield have been taken care of. dealing with them cost me some time cost them a lot more. But I can still get that data to you but we're quits after that" I am going to say this was towards the connections and not the other party but i don't know for sure

6. Lucas "a lot of people out there want to know about out little Evie. a lot of people" Chris: "Your friends, the connections know about this they don't strike me as the forgiving type"

Who are the other people? what was Lucas's plan after he completely betrayed the Connections (... why did Lucas betray the connections? we can infer the why as again he thought they won't use her properly) and of course the criminal organisation won't be forgiving at outright betrayal (or even perceived betrayal for that matter) makes you wonder why explicity Ethan and Mia were moved to where they are in Village (and if they have been moved before)

7. Veronica: "Chris, the data transfer's almost complete!“ Chris: "How do I stop it?" Veronica: "You need a way to shut down the server. There may be some transformer relays you can—“ Chris shoots "OK… that worked. Gonna be some pissed computer techs up here, but—“ Chris: "Cry me a river. What's the sitrep?" Veronica: "The facility is clear. Even the newer breeds have been neutralized." Chris: "Then I'm outta here.“ Veronica: "Perimeter wall is up and operational.“ Chris: "Good. "Think we did any good here?“ Veronica: "Not for them, unfortunately, but the mold is contained. Hopefully, they're Evie's last victims.“ Chris: "Hopefully.“ Veronica: "Chris, there's a call for you. You need to take it back at the camp.“ Chris: "Alright. I'm on my way."

no thoughts about the first part of the bolded text other than it makes me sad. Chris has been in this so long and its just you know tiring for him

now the call back at camp. I am willing to bet that's its Ethan asking him to search for Zoe. And again I ask how can a random normal civilian get a direct line to anyone in this situation let alone Chris Redfield?

End of Zoe

Joe: "What the hell are you boys up to?“ Soldier: "That's her alright. Zoe Baker. She's still breathing. Call in to HQ."

I wonder who wants status reports? also did they get a chance (I hope the prisoner Joe takes took the chance whilst he was out got the call out)

...Soldier: "Listen to me. We're here to help.“ Joe: "No, I don't believe you, boy. Tell me—what kind of help comes in a helicopter gunship.“ Soldier: "You don't know what you're talking' about. You don't get it!“ Joe: "With all these monsters running' around here. Tell me—where'd they come from?“ Soldier: "It's not what you think. You don't understand!“ Joe: "Oh, I don't understand? "You see that girl back there? Look! That there my brother's little girl. My niece. You understand? And around here, family is a righteous cause! And you ain't gonna kill my family! Now see, that ain't something' I can abide.“

Joe was in the military in the Marines specifically but from his questioning he knows about outbreak military suppression groups maybe even aided in one such incident (and after getting discharged went to live in a shack in the swamp close enough to his family but far enough to not know a thing that's happening)

Soldier: "For fuck's sake. She's infected—she's dying—and we're both gonna fuckin' die if we don't get the fuck outta here right now!" Joe: "She ain't dead yet, boy! So I figure you better do something about it. Before I feed you to your little friends outside." Soldier: "OK, OK! "There's a cure.“ Joe: "You're lying to me." Soldier: "I'm not lying... I'm not lying. We were on our way to get her treatment, and you fucked that up when you jumped us! They're probably still waiting for us right now!“ Joe: "Where?"

Joe: "Soldier boy said the meds were at some kind of base... "Now where in all hell did this wall come from…?"

how did Joe miss the wall being constructed? other than him not being close and doesn't go in that direction when he goes hunting?

Joe: "Jack? What the fuck—" Joe: "Goddammit, Jack! Don't you remember your own brother? Don't do it! Don't you touch her! Jack! Let me the fuck outta here! I'm your family! How the fuck could you do this to me? Get me the fuck outta here, Jack!"... Joe: "Goddammit. Aw hell, Jacky-boy... What's happened to you?"

startling realisation and trying to reason with Jack but it won't work (again I think Joe drowned the screen goes black and he gets up at the Baker estate)

"attacked by unknown bioweapon"

Jack gets around quite a bit (considering he can teleport- it would be cool if what he was actually doing was disolving into the ground and reforming wherever he needs to go but alas the garage opening scene exists)

"You're just a rabid dog now. And I'm gonna put you outta your misery."

I had a thought so we see don't see Jack crystalise (I say calcify is better description) after the chainsaw fight but we do see him do so in the boathouse and his legs turn as well in this last boss so his upper half turned into the monster in the boathouse (kinda like fear street and the kids trying to blow up the killers and watching them reform though in this case its both reform and deform)

Joe Baker: "This is a farewell from the family, brother!... Zoe...!"

its just a badass line what can I say?

Chris: "Weapons down. Weapons down! It's alright. You must be Zoe Baker." Joe: "Who the hell's asking?" Chris: "Chris Redfield. We've been looking all over for you. We're here to help."

there is element of Chris helping look for Zoe being that she can be helped. that she wasn't a lost cause. But it seems like there was a lot of effort going into her search all for one person (also I wonder if their search is what woke Jack up or was Jack searching the entire time)

BEST CUTSCENE

Zoe: "I was trapped with those monsters for 3 years—all of them trying to kill me... I can't believe it's finally over.“ Joe: "Ya gotta know, deep down somewhere, they were still your family and they loved you. Especially your daddy... even in his final days.“ Chris: "We found her. She's a tough kid. Yeah, of course. Hang on."

"Someone wants to speak to you."

Ethan: "Zoe? Zoe, are you there?“ Zoe: "It's you! I don't believe it. You actually made it." Ethan: "We both did."

Zoe: "You didn't forget about me."

Ethan: "I told you I'd send help. And I always keep my promises."

Zoe: "Thank you, Ethan."

I wonder if whilst Zoe was being checked up they were explaining what happened to Joe and and Joe came to this rightful conclusion (Jack wanted to bring his baby home)

Chris updating Ethan on finding her over and handing the phone over. (I would love to know what the conversation was like on Ethans end and before Chris came into the tent)

Ethan has to have some kind of authority for some reason to be able to say this with confidence. And you know getting Chris to personally update him AND hand the phone over (again normal civilians can't do this?)

I love this bit what can I say

[wonderofasunrise]

...or at least I think I do.

Anyway, something tells me that it'd be neat to have a well-organised pinned post, so here goes.

I go by M around this place, and I've been back here since 2020 after almost a decade of absence from this hellsite. I'm a 28-year-old queer woman from Indonesia, and I spend around 30% of my fandom life writing fic, 5% being a connoisseur of...less-than-stellar and often obscure movies starring hot actresses that I like (Jeri Ryan, Gates McFadden, Denise Crosby, Laura Innes, Sherry Stringfield, Maura Tierney to name a few...), and the remaining 65% lamenting the fact that I'm a fandom participant from a non-Western country where English is not an official language which is...well, let's say it can be quite a lonely existence.

My two primary fandoms here are ER and Star Trek (The Next Generation, Voyager, Picard), so you'll find that most of my posts and reblogs are related to those two - with a dash of other stuff. I got into ER during lockdown in 2020, and it remains one of the best decisions I've ever made. It is my favourite show ever, and as of now Kerry Weaver is still the only queer character on TV that I can relate to fully as a struggling queer woman in a less-than-supportive environment. ER was also my entry to online fandom spaces, particularly Twitter and Tumblr. Star Trek is the one fandom I never expected to really get into, given that I was never too big on sci-fi, though according to my mum it runs in the family since my late grandfather loved The Original Series and was an admirer of Spock. So far I have watched TNG, VOY, and PIC, with VOY being my favourite - especially my beloved former Borg drone and half-Klingon.

As I said, fanfiction is my thing here and I've been into it since I was around 14 - though I didn't start writing seriously until I was an adult. Among other things, fic helped me learn English tremendously as a teenager, and though naturally I still make mistakes here and there I feel far more confident writing fic in English than in Indonesian, lol. So far I have 29 published works on AO3, all ER and Trek. My favourite characters, and thus the ones I write the most about, are Kerry Weaver, Susan Lewis, Abby Lockhart, and Carol Hathaway (ER); Tasha Yar, Data, Beverly Crusher, and Deanna Troi (TNG); and Kathryn Janeway, B'Elanna Torres, and Seven of Nine (VOY). My preferred ships are Kerry/Susan, Kerry/Abby, and Abby/Susan (ER); Picard/Crusher and Data/Tasha (TNG); and B'Elanna/Seven (VOY).

These are some of my personal favourites that I've written:

ER The Ache for Home (Kerry/Susan) When All We Have is Here and Now (Kerry/Susan) In a Sacred Place (Kerry/Susan) Like Nothing Before (Abby/Susan)

Star Trek In Salvo (TNG x VOY crossover; Seven, the Doctor, & Beverly) The Colours Are Bright (VOY; Janeway & Seven) One Hundred Hours (VOY; B'Elanna & Seven)

For more of those, here's my AO3 profile - do feel free to leave a comment if you enjoy any of my works! I also take prompts for the aforementioned fandoms, and if you have any please hit me up here. In case you somehow happen to enjoy my vibes, I'm also on Twitter as @lobsterbreaker and my ask here is (almost) always open. In addition, I'm a mod on two queer-focused Discord servers: que[ER] Fic and Fandom for all things ER fanfiction and fandom with a twist of gayness and Space MILFs for our favourite hot ladies in space - please let me know if you're interested in joining either (or both 👀)!

That's about it, really, so if you've been so kind to bear with me here you fucking rock, I love you, I wish you the best yadda yadda yadda, and here's to more medical and space shenanigans!

[nym-wibbly]

AI, Oh My

I've been using the generative-AI-free Ellipsus for failing at writing for the past few days. Using it to keeping track of notes about the long fanfics I've been sampling to help me write feedback, too. So far I love it to pieces. I love the clean interface. I love that it's in my browser like Google Docs but isn't Google Docs. It's really nice to create text away from that constant push to incorporate generative-AI into the process somehow. Or to click the annoying, distracting thing that sits in the corner of my vision that wants me to pay for an upgrade to some AI feature I didn't want in the first place, and wouldn't save me time or effort if I did. (Grammarly. Just fucking stop and tell me when I use a comma wrong or double a word, okay?)

I did play with AI writing tools while I was ill last year, mainly to pass the time and get up to date with what all the fuss and controversy was about. I squirted a simple 2000-word fanfic I wrote in the 1990s into each one and played to see what the various tools could do with it. Then I tried to get them to generate a similar piece from scratch using prompts. The whole unethical, 'this model was trained on everything we ever put on AO3, wasn't it?' aspect quickly became glaringly apparent once I introduced the subject of fanfiction - or even just asked a factual question about a character from a TV show. (ChatGPT totally 'ships the Thirteenth Doctor with Yaz, a 'ship which must've been at its peak AO3 output when all that data was hoovered up.)

Sudowrite came the closest to being able to do what I need from an automated writing assistant, which is to help me keep track of a long piece by creating and updating a beat sheet and character profiles as I go, or to generate an accurate set of chapter summaries from a giant dollop of existing text. None of these tools can handle a million word epic without going into a death-spiral of confusion and spouting nonsense. None of them can, yet, follow a lengthy or detailed plot well enough to help me re-remember things when I need to. ChatGPT could manage quite large chunks of text for a while in early 2023, then it went downhill fast, started limiting input hard, and started making shit up instead of summarising what text I fed it. I swear to god that thing got incrementally less useful as it got upgraded and as features were added. Nothing else I've tried even felt remotely useful to a writer of fiction, but getting to know the various options did train me to spot and avoid AI-generated articles at two hundred paces, even just from the title or headline much of the time, which has to be a good thing.

I don't want writing done for me, not ever, but if tech can someday help with the remembering-plot-things and keeping-character-things-organised, that would be spiffing. If I could someday rely on it to go, "Whoa, girl, you just contradicted line 23 of chapter 19 with [insert offending text and line number here], at a level of detail that it'd be unreaonable to expect a beta reader to spot in a spread-out WIP, I'd actually pay a lot of money. I want help managing what I write and coping with my cognitive disabilities so I can keep writing stories that are too big for my brain to hold in one dollop. We ain't there yet, but maybe, one day? If we can ever get past the ethics of training the models on other people's data in the first place, and the environmental impact of using these tools at all?

Sudowrite is nowhere near being able to do this for a long story, yet. And the free version is plenty if I just want a quck summary of the story's vibe, tropes, or themes for reference. That I do find useful for clarity, because condensing ideas and summarising fiction is not something I'm good at doing myself. I think Sudowrite might, eventually, be able to help me understand how I write.

So far, so underwhelmed.

[argyrocratie]

"Lola: It all began for us in the early days of 1971. A woman friend invited us to a meeting of the Women's Lib Movement ["MLF" in French]. The whole group went, but the boys had to stay in the café next door. Three of us walked in, plus that friend. We started by saying:

-Sorry, but, as far as we're concerned, we live as a group with boys, some are gay, others aren't totally gay, and we'd rather not be separated from the boys who fight these battles.

-We stand for gender-non-mixing.

-OK then…

I wouldn't say we were pleased. Then we took a look at ourselves: "Shit, see how badly dressed we are, don't we look down and out!!…" As a matter of fact, we did look like tramps compared to all these young women. And then we heard absurd statements such as "I am a Lesbian by political choice", until one of us, me probably, cried out:

-And not for pleasure, you idiot !?

Some time later, we heard about the birth of the FHAR [the Homosexual Front of Revolutionary Action]. Of course we rushed in headlong. We went there with our bunch of friends, we threw ourselves body and soul into this struggle: what attracted us was that it was not a homosexual liberation front, but a homosexual front for revolutionary action. We thought the same about Women's Lib: it's positive for groups to organise for specific causes, provided the specific is not there to stay, provided it eventually merges into the general revolutionary course - remember we believed revolution was round the corner. We were sure the existence of Women's Lib was important and positive, if it worked as a specific tool within a broader range of activities, i.e. if it was gender-mixed. Similarly, we thought the existence of the FHAR was important and positive, if it was also gender-mixed.

G.D.: Mixed in the sense that it was open to non-gays ?

Lola: That's right: open to all walks of life. In fact, the early FHAR supported polysexuality. At the time, we moved into a flat rue Charlemagne (in the Paris 4th district, the Marais area): lots of people would live there or come to sleep over, and the place became a sort of annex of the FHAR. This was where I met the very young man who later became Hélène Hazera. The FHAR had district committees, so we created the FHAR Marais committee. In those days, the Marais was a working class neighbourhood where you heard Yiddish on every street, we had no idea that the area would later morph into a hub of homosexual commodification. Our place became an awful mess where people debated, smoked pot, had mescaline, made love and intermingled, where the district committee held its meetings and prepared its actions. We kept proclaiming how free our sexuality was. I remember, I used to go out wearing big boots, naked under a cassock - a gorgeous dress. In short, we were engaged in permanent no-holds-barred provocation. We fucked in public places - we'd been doing it for a long time.

G.D.: What actions did you prepare ?

Lola: For instance, creating havoc in the ghetto. The gay ghetto, I mean: the specialised homo clubs. We'd go to the club door and tell the guys: "Get out of the closet !" Other actions too. One day, we heard that gay-bashing was taking place in the Buttes-Chaumont park. Some of our friends went. Suddenly gay-bashers were faced with a troop of screaming fairies - even those who weren't fairies overdid it a bit - and the homophobes got beaten up. That was fine. Bashing gay-bashers

(...)

G.D.: And what about class struggle ?

Lola: For us that was part and parcel of our life and activity… When friends happened to be working, we were involved in whatever occurred in their work-places. I personally was doing surveys. We'd become part of a sort of informal gathering of casual data-collectors - similar to what is now called a coordination - which met once a month. As all data-collectors were in intermittent employment, that gathering helped them register with the social security system, get unemployment benefits, etc. And it also provided information about the companies which mistreated us, how they tried to screw us, and how to fight back.

(...)

We acted where we worked. Unlike the gauchistes, we did not take action everywhere, we acted if we were called upon. When a friend of ours was employed somewhere and needed some help, we were ready. Wherever we worked, we were of course involved in struggles as soon as they occurred. That was our class struggle. In the post-68 situation, everything was being challenged. And as (despite our anti-work stand) we had to work now and again, we weren't inactive in the work-place.

We also did a lot of shop-lifting, we did "free check-out" actions. Often on the spur of the moment. We would decide "Let's go !", and we went. We were always on the go because our purpose was to exist as a group in order to be able to act. We helped abortions to take place, we provided shelter for very young people, one who'd run away from social services, another from a seminary, we housed various kinds of homeless guys. Daily life was a big issue.

For us, summer 71 was like an incredible Summer of Love. Anyone could land on our door-step, debate, fuck and use drugs a lot. This was when the Gazolines came into being: the following year, we marched together for the funeral of Pierre Overney, with the Gazolines dressed as merry widows. (14)

G.D.: This was 1972. The FHAR was launched at the beginning of 71, and you left…

Lola: …after about 5 or 6 months…

G.D.: …so this was all happening…

Lola: …in the blink of an eye.

G.D.: A year, at the most.

Lola: Less. Our communal life and all the rest of it… it was all in the blink of an eye"

-"Revisiting Sex and Class", On a gender-fluid childhood, May 68, women's lib, radical gays and Lesbians, identity, #MeToo, and a bit more: an interview with Lola Miesseroff

[loop-deloo]

no idea what album thing that anon was referring to but BOY DO I HAVE RECS:

hopping off their billy joel talk, MY personal favorite bj album is glass houses. some of his best work, everyone’s a banger. i feel like i have some credibility here being from long island, so i have many opinions about our boy billy and their all right.

other albums hmmm. i LOVE the kink’s village green. mystery jet’s twenty one is one of the best early band albums out there, the shit that they pulled being so new is INSANE. also the doors’ soft parade.

one of my favorite albums of all time has to be the lemon twigs’ go to school. it’s an experimental musical about a chimp raised by humans who experiences culture shocks and it’s insane. those boys are my everything, THE THEORY. THE KEY CHANGES UGHHHH

what else what else uhhh talking heads’ more songs about buildings and food is up there for me. moondog’s h’art songs. PAUL MCCARTNEY’S RAM THAT’S THE ONE THAT’S IT.

kinda went off oops my bad. these are just some off the top of my head 🤪 anyways love you let me know if you take a listen i love music talk <333

ok claude you sent this like a month ago, i’m so sorry. it takes me SO long to listen to albums bc i have to listen at least 5 times to be confident that i’ve actually listened to most of it. i get distracted :/ i’m sorry. anyway. i am very much working my way through

here are my thoughts so far but i’ll keep going later.

you definitely have lots more authority than me i’m from philly. tell me more opinions on bj though i’d love to hear. i think i was like a solid 8/10 on glass houses. good story. fantastic work album listened to it for most of the day while i organised boxes of pipette tips and inputted hours of mind numbing data oh my god. also some bangers for cleaning the kitchen. i liked you may be right (kitchen dancing). honestly i liked all for leyna even though it was giving slightly musical theatre vibes. just. solid. and erm also v much enjoyed sleeping with the television on. c’etait toi was very sweet and the smooth voice mm, his accent threw me off a bit but that’s my problem. and close to the borderline was a good second-to-last always brought me back when i’d zoned out. did catch myself singin along when my coworker came in the back room where i was which was. er. we’ll oh well (i can’t fucking sing).

ok i have to go now but i’ve been alternating village green and twenty one in the shower (i lost the songs a lot in here so my thoughts are really jumbled and half done but i’ll write me down soon) and making my sister play doors n lemon twigs in the car. bops. i drive in a car like maybe once a week though so it’s slow going. i will sit perhaps soon and report back.

jesus that was a lot. oh welll. there’s more coming ;D

p.s. thank for this message it’s been making me happy when i come back to it.

GIVE ME MORE (not just putting this on claude. all of u come broaden my horizons pls)