#i fucking hate this feeling
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the space between the love and support our family thinks we deserve and the love and support we wish they gave us is where most of psychology is written
#just sat thru my brother getting yelled at#feeling helpless in a situation where that I understand his issue but find myself incompetent to help him#hah#i fucking hate this feeling#where do i put this rage dude?#anywhoooo#wassup ppl?
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Some days.. I wish I was single
#I fucking hate this feeling#why bother being in a relationship if you’re not gonna try#over this shit#I’m not happy at all
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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ON the subject of undernegotiated kink in fanfiction. i think we should talk more about how the concept of "not talking about it" is just as much wish fulfillment for some people as "in-depth, therapy-speak conversations where everyone is clear and understood" is for others
like yes, in reality the antidote to shame is open honest conversation with someone who will validate your feelings and wants blah blah blah but SOMETIMES what i want out of my fanfic is characters being understood without having to expose themselves in that way. SOMETIMES it's fun to not dismantle the shame and repression all the way and to instead treat that understanding-despite-not-being-clear as the fantasy
#i fucking HATE talking about my feelings. why would i want to read characters doing it when they could fuck nasty instead.#fandom meta
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#i'm not ok#I'm so fucking angry#I want to rip and tear and fight and scream until my throat is raw and I'm spitting up blood#and this lingering sense of doom is dredging up old emotions I haven't felt in years#and I'm starting to realize the only thing holding back the old suicidal ideology at this point is my festering rage#I fucking hate this feeling#I don't want to do this again#I'm so fucking scared
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grieving sucks y’all
#I fucking hate this feeling#I hate that it’s necessary and so human to feel it#but goddamn#personal
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does science experiments on you (homoerotically)
#petra idk if you read tags but I was wondering how ok you were with people making comics esp since tigers is ongoing;;;#I assume jokey comics are probably fine but I don't know if gets iffier beyond that#I'd hate for you to feel like your work as a comic artist is being undermined!!#I tend to think Sequentially by default hehwhwerjwh#ANYWAY#wasnt sure if I was gonna post this FUCK IT WE BALL#tiger tiger#luck tiger tiger#ludo#ludovica bonnaire#my art
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Sunset in Shinjuku
#art tag#my art#I'm so sorry I can't finish anything recently#but I still needed to express my FEELINGS#about these AWFUL LITTLE DOOMED TEENAGERS#jjk manga spoilers#jjk spoilers#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen spoilers#jujutsu kaisen#nobara kugisaki#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushikugi#I halfway rendered this and hated it so much I just went back to the sketch#edit: I fucking. got the name of the district wrong they were fighting Sukuna in Shinjuku I'm an idiot
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oh my god its finally here its finally animated im so happyIM SO
lost my marbles when i saw it was out AUGH AUGHAUGHF AUGH
#mha#bnha#my hero academia#toga himiko#himiko toga#uraraka ochaco#ochaco uraraka#uravity#tgck#togachaco#togachako#pike art#I CRIEDG AGAIN GHE MANGA WAS ENOUGH#God#GOd#I hate them i hate this show i jdbdadkkcvbb#AUGH#immediately had to lock THE FUCK in and churn out a piece for the ep#AUGDHU AUGH#i feel SICK i feel ILL
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@staff if you [change] the [design] of the fucking [dashboard] i will kill you
edit. i want it on the actual post that i am not actually making a de-th threat against the staff. that's shitty. the caption quotes the fucking costco hot dog meme, which i originally said in the tags. if any staff member sees this please do Not take it personally
#dashboard#staff#tumblr update#comic#art#doodles#costco ceo about the price of a hot dog.png#i refuse to believe this is a real problem that site owners think people have#frankly i refuse to believe people had this issue with deviantart before eclipse#i am sorry you have to put about 15 minutes of effort into understanding a new website. feel better soon#my main blog doesn't have it yet but i logged into here to make this post and. i have it#this is fucking terrible. it would ahve been really really funny for april fools day but not as a permanent change#i hate it a Lot. i hate it so fucking much. oh . my god.#edit - guys i amnot actually sending de*th threats to staff it's the costco hot dog meme
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DPxDC Idea
Danny working at Wayne Enterprises as some sort of engineer, uses the in-house app for all his blueprints and stuff
He starts getting notes from a coworker in-app, and assumes its this annoying older guy in his department who constantly undermines him because of his age, despite his education and past achievements (i feel like in this AU the Fentons react well to the reveal and they work together on a number of non-lethal ecto inventions that have Danny's name attached to them)
Except one day his coworker mentions never using the app, and Danny suddenly realizes there's only one other TD he could've been arguing with in the notes of the app
#dp x dc prompt#dpxdc#danny phantom#danny fenton#batman#tim drake#red robin#i have no ideas what happens beyond danny realizing it's been tim the whole time#and having a 'fuck ive been arguing with the big boss' moment#cause of course when he thinks its some asshole from his own department hes snarky as hell#but the ceo??#should he stop with the sarcastic explanations behind his designs?#or will tim think its weird if his tone changes#in my head this does end up being dead tired somehow#just because i love the idea of these two bonding over snarkiness and engineering#and i feel like tim would simultaneously love and hate danny's notes#but also is that actually in character? cause the only batman thing i've read is rhe webtoon#and i know some vague things about canon#but thats it
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the thing about some men is that they want you to remember, at all times, that you are underneath them. that with one word or look or "joke", you will stay beneath them. that even "exceptions" to the rule are not true exceptions - the commonly cited statistic that one in eight men believe they could win against serena williams.
women's gymnastics is often not seen as real gymnastics. whatever the fuck non-euclidian horrors rhythmic gymnasts are capable of, it's often tamped down as being not a sport. some of the most dominant athletes in the world are women. nobody watches women's soccer. despite years of dancing and being built like a fucking brick, men always assume they're faster and stronger than i am. you wouldn't like what happens when they are incorrect. once while drunk at a guy's house i won a held-plank challenge by a solid minute. the party was over after that - he became exceedingly violent.
what i mean is that you can be perfect, and they still think you're ... lacking, somehow. i hope you understand i'm trying to express a neutral statement when i say: taylor swift was the possibly the most patriarchy-palatable, straight-down-the-line woman we could churn out. she is white, conventionally attractive, usually pretty mild in personality. say what you will about her (and you should, she's a billionaire, she can handle it), but a few things seem to be true about her: 1. she can write a damn catchy song, and 2. the eras tour truly was a massive commercial success and was also genuinely an impressive feat of human athleticism and performance.
i don't know if she deserves the title of "woman of the year," i'm not debating that in this post. what i am saying is that she was named Woman of The Year, and then an untalented man got onstage at the golden globes and made fun of her for attending her boyfriend's football games. what i am saying is that this woman altered local economies - and her dating life is still being made into a "harmless" punchline. the camera panned, greedy, over to her downing a full glass of champagne. congratulations taylor! you are woman of the year! but you are a woman. even her.
fuck, man. write better material.
a guy gets onstage at a college graduation and despite the fact like half the crowd is made up of women, he spends a significant proportion of it warning these people - who spent possibly hundreds of thousands of dollars on their education - that they were lied to. that the "real" meaning of femininity is motherhood. that they shouldn't rest on the laurels of that education-they-paid-for but instead throw it away to kneel at a man's heel. imagine that. sweating in your godawful polyester gown (that you also had to pay for!), fresh out of 4 years of pushing yourself ever-harder: and some guy you've never met - who knows nothing about you - he reminds you this "win" is a pyrrhic one at best. you really shouldn't consider yourself that extraordinary. you're still a woman, even after years of study.
god forbid you are not a pretty woman, but if you are pretty, you must be dumb. god forbid you are not ablebodied or white or cis or straight or good at swallowing. you must be beneath a man, or else they are not a man. the equation for masculinity seems to just be: that which is not a woman or womanly (god forbid). anything "feminine" is thereby anathema. to engage in "feminine" things such as therapy, getting a hug from a friend, or crying - it is giving up ones manhood. therefore women need to be put in their place to ensure that masculinity is protected.
this is something i have struggled to explain to terfs - they are not doing the work of feminism, but rather the patriarchy. by asserting that women and men must be (on some secret level) oppositional and in conflict, they also assume that being a woman is akin to being another species. but bigotry does not stem from observational truths or clarity - that is what makes it bigotry. there was nothing in my childhood that made me fundamentally different from my brother. we are treated differently nonetheless. to assert there is some biological drive that enforces my gender role is to assert that women have a gendered role. men do not see women as equal to them not because of biological reality - but instead because the core tenant of the patriarchy is that women aren't full, realized people.
we are told from a very young age to excuse misbehavior as a single man's choice - not all men. it is not all men, just that one guy. all women are gold-digging bitches who belong in the kitchen - but if a man is mean, bigoted, or violent to you, it's just that particular guy, and that means nothing about men-as-a-whole. it is only one guy who got mad when you gently rejected him. it is only one guy who warns her this trophy is heavy, are you sure you can hold it? it is only one guy who smashes her face into the cake. it is only one guy talking into a mic about hating our bodily autonomy.
i have just found that they often wait until the moment we actually seem to be upstaging them. you sit in a meeting where you're presenting your own findings and he says get me a coffee? or you run to the end of the marathon and are about to finish first and he pushes your kids out in front of you. you win the chess game and they make some comment akin to well, you're ugly away. we can be the billionaire and get the dream life and finally fucking do it and yet! still! they have this strange, visceral urge to say well actually, if you think you're so great -
it's not one just one guy. it's one in eight.
#posting my drafts#i want to stress im a taylor swift enjoyer. sorry.#also if someone wants to venmo me for the radfem hate i get daily i need like 60 bucks#someone stole my taylor swift official merch quarter zip :(#the point im specifically making in the tswift paragraphs i hope is clear which is like.#taylor is not threatening their ideas of masculinity or femininity. she is incredibly milquetoast. i mean i love her#but there's nothing about her that challenges the status quo. EXCEPT for her success.#and that's what pisses so many men off: the success.#so if THE VISION of white heteropatriarchy STILL is being treated this way.....#what do you think is happening to minority populations??#i just feel like be annoyed w/her about real things but being weird about her dating someone is like#soooooooooooooooooooooo fucking annoying. like ya know????#[said with the knowledge i need you to be soooo normal about how you interpret this entire piece and also these tags]
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And for that one moment, everything was perfect
And then that moment ended.
#I said goodnight like 6 posts ago I just can’t log off 😭😭😭#I HATE IT HERE#I feel like a deflated balloon#AND I HAVE TO WORK TONIGHT???????????#get fucked#arcane#arcane s2#arcane season 2#vi#vi arcane#jinx#jinx arcane#isha arcane#vander arcane#warwick arcane
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"Words Of Thorn"
There is a hellish, mournful bellow
A cindered plume carries petals skyward
An offering to heavens still unknown
Which has no time for words of thorn
There is a monstrous longing
That still is indistinguished
Between covetousness and aching necessity
To feel love, or let it's flame be extinguished
There is a lone vase, dust touched and neglect adorned
Entombed therein one single stem
Who at last has abandoned it's petals in favor of thorns
Whose jagged edges remain even in death
10:47pm 8-20-23
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We love Gangle in this goddamn household. She’s so cutesy! Very demure, very mindful! And yes I fucking cried because these goofy looking depressed little characters make me feel better, get off my d*ck!
#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc gangle#the amazing digital circus gangle#gooseworx#if anything happens to her I will kill everyone and then myself#fucking hate gooseworx for making me feel things (I’m kidding)#that setting aside your dreams stuff be too real#manager gangle#i love gangle#gangle x zooble#I said what I said they’re meant for each other#abstragedy#tadc pomni#tadc ragatha#tadc jax#tadc zooble#tadc kinger#tadc caine#pomni#ragatha#Jax#zooble#caine
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