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starspatter · 9 months ago

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Heroes and Thieves, Ch. 23

Title: Heroes and Thieves Fandom/Universe: BTAS, pre/post-RotJ flashback

Summary: A story about second chances, healing, and having hope.

Rating: PG-13, for references to character death, child psychological torture and trauma.

Genre: Romance/Family/Friendship/Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 2,196 Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22

Also on ff.net and AO3.

We were just kids just living in Wide-eyed innocence Minivan floor like a tenement We were just kids who believed in More than just dreams In more than just justified ends to a means

-Switchfoot, "Who We Are"

————————–

Between.

Gotham Central Park. A harrowed, hunched form had parked himself on a bench overlooking the playground, where a group of children were engaged cheerfully. Peacefully. Safely. Hanging upside-down from the monkey bars, taking turns on the slide while their doting parents watched and applauded at each successful landing; boosting their precious little ones on the swings, higher and higher towards the horizon. It reminded Tim of the time he and Cassandra had sat there together, holding hands for the entire length of the afternoon. …She wasn’t here now though. He was alone.

…Or so he thought, but he suddenly felt a familiar shadow fall over him. Only stocky rather than slender. He didn’t even need to raise his head to guess who it was.

“I thought you and Cass were in Hawaii.”

“We came back as soon as we heard the news.”

Conner reclined on the resting next to Tim, who retained silence for an agonizing interval before finally stating:

“My wife’s pregnant.”

A thump on his back.

“Congrats, man. You finally knocked her up.” His companion grinned. “I was wondering if you two even did it, to be honest.”

Tim shamefully hung his head in regret.

“…It was an accident.”

“That’s a real nice way to refer to your future offspring. Look at it this way, you’ve got a story to tell the tyke when it grows up.”

“This isn’t funny, Kon.” He descended his frazzled forehead further into his palm. “What am I even gonna do with a kid? I can barely handle functioning normally on a daily basis, how the hell am I going to be able to take care of someone else? I mean,” he added spitefully, “it’s not like I exactly have the greatest track record of role models to go by.”

Conner’s own brow furrowed in faint frustration.

“Look, you think you’ve got daddy issues, you’re talking to the guy who has half of Lex Luthor’s and Superman’s DNA.”

“Sorry.” Tim swallowed sympathetically. “It’s just… What if I do end up like my dad? I could’ve inherited something bad from him…”

Conner sighed.

“Tim, buddy, you’re the one who told me genetics don’t work that way. Remember when I found out Luthor was my secondary DNA donor, I thought I had a 50% chance of suddenly turning ‘psycho’ myself in my sleep.”

“Or of going bald.”

Tim couldn’t help but taunt, and Conner flushed slightly, recalling that nervous period of constantly checking his hairline in the mirror each day.

“Point being… Everyone’s expected me to turn out to be either the world’s greatest hero – or the world’s greatest villain.” He looked down at his fist, clenching tightly in determination. “Ultimately, I chose to use my powers for good, not because of Superman, or Cadmus – but because I wanted to. Carve my own path. Show I can be more than just a weapon – what I was designed and purposed for – no matter what anyone else says.”

He clapped his company’s shoulder.

“Listen: You can choose who you want to be. You’ve already proven that by becoming a hero yourself. You are not your father. You’re you. And you’re the coolest, smartest, nicest guy I know. So stop worrying, quit beating yourself up, and trust me when I say you’re gonna be fine. ‘It’s’ gonna love you, because I do. So does Steph. And Cass. We all do.”

Tim rotated slowly to confront Conner, who beamed broadly.

“Remember, I’m here for you. All of us are. If you need help with anything, just ask.”

Tim stared at him, before restoring his gaze to the ground.

“You know… When the two of us first met, I was in a really bad place.”

“And now?”

“…Now?” He lifted again, and smiled. “Now… I’m in a good place. Thanks to you guys. You’ve all been as much of a ‘family’ to me as Dick and Barbara. Heck, you’re practically like a second brother. I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t met you when I did. I’m… really grateful for you being there.”

Conner rubbed his neck in embarrassment at the gushing words of appreciation.

“Ah, jeeze. C’mere, you.”

A large limb lunged around Tim’s shoulders, drawing him suddenly into a half-embrace.

“Kon!” Tim glanced apprehensively aside at the sound of giggles and whispers coming from two teenage girls passing nearby. “Hey, c’mon, we’re in public. People are watching.”

“So? Let them watch. I want the world to see how much you’re valued.”

Tim blinked, but accepted the bear hug, reciprocating amiably. Burying his face into the symbol on the other’s wide, warm chest. For a brief instant, it brought back a vague, tingling memory of being held and soothed by someone of similar size and build, dressed also in black…

Finally separating, he laughed sheepishly at the sappy scene, surreptitiously wiping his eyes.

“Look at us, two grown-ass men – acting like total chicks.”

Conner chuckled as well, and as if to assert his masculinity, lightly tapped the other’s cheek with a playful punch, teasing in a mildly mocking manner.

“I take back what I said before about you being cool. You’re still a dweeb.”

“And you’re still an ass,” Tim parried risibly with visible good humor, ribbing back in riposte.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

As they idled there like inept idiots, awkwardly avoiding acknowledgement of affection after the fact, another visitor with red on its breast ironically fluttered down onto the path before them, seeking handouts. Conner glimpsed anxiously at his comrade out of the corner of his eye, but Tim remained relatively calm as he obliged and pulled out the leftovers from the work lunch Steph had packed him, compassionately scattering crumbs of sandwich crust. After a minute of mute feeding, Conner quietly cleared his throat.

“…For what it’s worth, you’re still a ‘superhero’ in my eyes. Absolutely nothing that’s happened since then can ever change that fact.”

Tim wryly rolled his eyes, emptying out the residual rye before crumpling the wrapper and tossing it towards the nearest bin – marginally missing the mark so it bounced off the brim instead.

“You never even knew me when I was Robin,” he snorted.

“Yeah but…” Conner squinted contemplatively up at the sky. “For some reason it feels like I’ve known you my whole life.”

“That’s because you pretty much have.”

“Touché,” Conner conceded. “As far as I’m concerned though... You’re my Robin. Always will be.”

“And you’ll always be my clone boy.”

Tim replied with a hint of sarcasm, but smiled sincerely all the same.

As he stood in order to pick up the litter and put it in its proper receptacle, Conner followed suit. Taking advantage of the opportunity, he again bumped the neurotic neat freak on his bent backside, bolstering boisterously.

“Just to make sure you’ve got the message, I’ll say it once more: You’re gonna be an awesome dad. …A dork dad, but an awesome one.”

“Thanks… I think.”

Conner patted supportively.

“Go home to your wife, Tim. She needs you now more than ever. If you back out from this, then I seriously will kick your ass.”

His senses piqued as he turned towards something in the distance. With a wink, he continued:

“Speaking of which, I should probably get back to mine, before she glares a hole in my skull. Heck,” he cupped his palm in a hush, “you’d think she’s the one who has heat vision.”

I heard that.

A stern voice resounded in both their brains, as Conner winced. Releasing dutifully, he revolved and hastily walked off with a reverse wave.

“See you around, nerd. Remember, I’m always a holler away if you need anything. Even if it’s just to talk.”

Tim observed him go, approaching a dark-haired woman and a child with identical bangs and bold blue eyes. Conner stooped to ruffle the boy’s top, before hoisting the bundle up onto his shoulders. Cassandra smiled and nodded towards Tim.

She’s waiting for you.

With that, she took her husband’s hand and strolled off through the garden. Tim breathed out, before heading off in the opposite direction – towards home.

…

Stephanie was still seated at the kitchen table when Tim arrived at the house, having apparently yet to clear away the cups from a surprise guest tea with her college girlfriend, who dropped in unexpectedly after receiving a confidential call just this morning. Instead she was surveying absently out the window, running her finger along the rim of the mug, deep in thought. Her eyes elevated upon his entrance, and she smiled.

“Hey. Welcome home, honey~”

Tim crossed over and immediately answered her by leaning into a long, intimate kiss, to which she certainly didn’t object.

“Boy, considering I was throwing up in the toilet the last time we saw each other, you’re in an awfully adoring mood now.” She made a whooshing motion in order to jog – jibe him. “I mean, you just ran out of here like you saw some roadkill.”

Gulping, he cast a quick, knowing look towards the containers on the counter.

“Conner came to see me today too.”

“Oh, I see.” Steph pouted, pushing him away. “So that’s why you’re being so romantic all of a sudden. You feel guilty for cheating on me, is that it?”

Tim gave a weak laugh, and wrapped his arms reassuringly around her. They stayed like that for a while, his chin nesting gently on her golden crown as they admired the similarly-hued sunset.

“…I’m sorry for leaving you like that. I… haven’t really been able to figure out how to react to all this. If I should be happy, or terrified, or…”

She swiveled around, petting his jaw in forgiveness and understanding. She could see from the shaded lines around his sockets how stressed out and scared he was.

“It’s okay to be both, you know. I’m scared too. When… I gave birth to my daughter, I had a dream that my dad came to take her away from me. Even though he was supposedly ‘dead’ at the time, I was still so frightened he’d suddenly show up one day and claim her, train her to become a criminal like him. …That’s part of why I gave her up for adoption. I thought she deserved a better life – not one raised by the Cluemaster’s own dumb daughter, who went and got herself ‘preggers’ while still in high school by dating another loser deadbeat.”

Tim lowered himself down to her level, kneeling before her as he gripped her tautly balled knuckles.

“We’re not our parents, Steph. You’re clever and kind and beautiful, plus the strongest – not to mention most stubborn – person I know. You’re gonna be a great mom. And I promise I’ll be here with you from now on, 100%. Every step of the way.”

Her grasp unfurled, and he uplifted her tips, lips caressing in a courteous gesture that made her feel like a princess. She smiled, and responded to the noble deed with a token of her own fondness to her templar’s temple.

“We’re gonna do this together,” she agreed. “And we’ll be better.”

After a pregnant pause, she considered:

“Wait, so does this mean you’ll wait on me hand and foot now?” A mischievous grin formed. “‘Cuz if so, not to be cliché, but I’m really craving me some pickles dipped in mashed potatoes at the moment.”

Tim chuckled again.

“Whatever you desire, milady.”

“Hey, the little guy wants what it wants.”

At that, Tim tentatively reached out towards her tummy, and she indicated it was okay to touch, guiding his curious paw there. He felt the softness of the fabric, well aware that a fetus wouldn’t be showing any signs of movement at this stage, but marveling at the notion there was indeed a life growing inside of there. A life he helped to create, that he had – must have – experienced once (even if he couldn’t bring himself to recollect it anymore), nurtured and safeguarded against the harshness of the outside world. Who knew nothing yet of pain or sadness – just how cruel the world could be – only pure, unadulterated love.

…

…And when his son is finally born and he holds that tiny, squirming life in his trembling palms for the very first time, he makes a vow: To protect that unpolluted innocence at all costs. That he will never let anything bad happen to him; that his father will never abandon him. …Urging him to cry all he can now, because there would eventually come a day when he can’t anymore – even if he wants to. When he needs to be both brave and tough, and keep moving forward despite whatever difficulty he may encounter, make his own choice someday.

And yet… He feels tears rolling openly down his own ducts as the infant’s mother – his partner – family – rests against him, exhausted but elated. He soon realizes his own weeping isn’t an expression of sorrow either… but one of joy.

…

And when they simultaneously ask Cassandra and Conner to be the baby’s godmother and father, respectively, the two are more than honored and glad to be of service. …After all, they’re only returning the favor.

————————–

They said it's complicated They said we'd never make it this far But we are They said the fight would break us But the struggle helped to make Who we are We've got nothing left to lose There's still time enough to choose

#TimSteph #Tim Drake #Timmy Todd #Stephanie Brown #Conner Kent #Cassandra Cain #Batman the Animated Series #Batman Beyond #DCAU #Return of the Joker #fanfiction #starstories

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duckprintspress · 4 years ago

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How can I write quickly?

I (hi, I’m @unforth) have been asked frequently over the years how I write a lot quickly. I’m a pretty fast writer - for example, I wrote the 5600 words of my May Trope Mayhem fill from yesterday in under 2.5 hours.

First, a little of my personal history for context. I’ve always written, starting from when I was able to string letters into (very poorly spelled) words and (horrible un-grammatical) sentences. When I started trying my hand at serious, professional-level fiction writing, I joined a community called novel_in_90, which was founded by the author Elizabeth Bear. The purpose of novel_in_90 was “to be NaNoWriMo but more realistic.” Instead of 50,000 words in 31 days, it was 67,500 words in 90 days, or 750 words a day. I participated in multiple rounds of novel_in_90 starting in mid-2005, and in 2007 I completed my first (godawful) novel. When I started, even writing a couple hundred words of day took me forever, but it got easier with time.

During those same years, I also got a job that required I do professional writing on a deadline: I was a grant writer, and I only got paid when the grants won. That often meant working fast under high pressure, culminating in the weekend I wrote and edited an entire 40 pages grant that was due on Monday. I think, if I hadn’t had a solid foundation of “regular daily plodding writing,” I’d not have been able to marathon when the moment came...and it came because I had to, not because I wanted to. However, I learned a valuable lesson: I could. Subsequently, I found that, when I had the time and space and was rested enough to use my brain, I could bust out a huge amount. Like, I wrote an entire 150,000 word novel in 17 days.

My personal record is about 200,000 words in one month (it was the month I wrote that novel; I wasn’t tracking when I did that so I don’t know exactly), 25,000 words in a day, and I’ve topped out around 3,000 words an hour. I do know people who can do more...but not many.

Not everyone will be able to do this. Flat out, I MUST preface the rest of this post by saying that. Some people will find that writing fast fits their brain, and for others, it just won’t, and that’s okay. Fast doesn’t equal better, and it isn’t inherently “good” to write fast. Furthermore, even for those who can write fast, not everyone will find the same strategies helpful. I can share what works for me. Try out one item, some items, or all of these - if writing faster is something you want to be able to do, which it certainly never has to be. Use what works for you, and discard the rest.

Sit in your chair, put your fingers on your keyboard or touch screen, and write. You can’t write 1,000 words in half an hour until you write one word, however long that one word takes. I know saying this is obvious, but I’ve been asked “how can I write fast” by people who struggle to write at all...fast can’t be your priority until you’ve got a foundation of just writing. (Honestly...fast should never be your priority, but it might be helpful to you regardless, which can make it worth learning.)

Start small. Set an achievable goal, and make yourself meet that goal (daily, weekly, whatever) come hell or high water, no matter how long it takes you. Keep the goal small at first; you’re not trying to torture yourself, you’re trying to build a skill. If you set the goal high enough that you consistently fail, you’re not teaching yourself anything. And, if you find the goal IS too high...lower it. There’s no shame in working within your limits. Think of it like starting a new work out regimen: you wouldn’t try to run a 10k at a record time if you can’t run a mile slow. Treat your fingers and your brain the same way you’d treat your legs and joints. Give them time to grow, learn, and improve before you try to push yourself.

Trying to write daily is worthwhile if you want to work on your writing speed, because you’ll be forced to try to fit it in as you’re able - that might be ten minutes in your morning, or an hour in your evening, and it might vary from day to day, but making it daily means you have to fit it in somewhere.

Building skills takes time and isn’t easy. For some people, it will come easier than for others, and even when you’re fast, going from “I can write words fast” to “I can write damn good words fast” takes practice and dedication and accepting constructive criticism - speed alone will never be worth more than writing well.

Having a community can help. Ya’ll will check in on each other, cheer each other on, remind each other that missing a day or a goal isn’t the end of the world, and keep each other’s spirits up. If you don’t know other writerly folks online, I recommend Weekend Writing Marathon ( @weekendwritingmarathon ) as a good place to start (I used to be a mod there). Once you’re trying to work up to larger word counts in a day, remember that even writing fast will take minutes or hours. You can’t write 2,500 words in an hour if you don’t set an hour aside. Make sure you’re giving yourself the room and time you need to succeed.

You will probably never be able to do high, rapid word counts every day, every week, every month. The best runners in the world don’t run marathons every day. Set realistic long term goals.

Work on projects where you have a clear idea of where you’re going. I’m not saying “pantsers” can’t write fast, because of course they can, but if you want to write fast, and well, and coherently, to create a first draft that’s in pretty good shape, you’ll do better if you have a good sense of what you’re trying to accomplish with your story. That doesn’t mean you need to do all your world building up front, or have a complete outline (I never have either). All you really need is what happens next. I tend to plan projects - and write them - one full scene at a time, with only a vague idea what’s going to come after. (I’m personally a “plantser,” and the strategies in this post will likely be most effective to other plantsers.)

Visualize ahead of time what you’d like to write...but don’t get too attached to what you visualize. When I go to bed, I plan the next scene I’m going to compose, often to the least detail. I then forget all of it overnight, at least all the specifics, and I’m left with a general sense and shape of what’s to come. You’ll never be able to replicate the “perfect” dialog you pre-conceive, so give up on trying to. Instead, play through the scene and think about the emotional beats you want to hit and plot points you want to forward. If you keep that in mind, you’ll be able to get the words out faster than if you’re agonizing over every word or regretting the “oh-so-great” idea that you’ve since forgotten.

Practice different work styles. If writing every day doesn’t work for you, try instead saying, “this is my writing day each week,” and aim for a lot that specific day, and write little or nothing other days. Try writing at different times of day and on different days, fitting it into your schedule. If you’re beating yourself up for not writing when you “should,” it’ll be that much harder to succeed, so instead, as I said for point 2 - set a reasonable goal that fits your life and working style, fitting it around your other responsibilities, and push yourself within that framework, instead of trying to shoehorn into a style that you “think you should” use to succeed.

Track your word counts, and take notes on how much you did and what project you were working on. If you’re also experimenting with different times of day and different days, make sure you note that too. I personally use a simple Excel sheet (well, Google Sheets, now) - column one is the date, column 2 is “starting word count,” column 3 is “ending word count,” column 4 is “=column 3 - column 2”, column 5 is notes. Pay attention to when you succeed at writing faster, and when you don’t, and consider what factors might have played into your success...and then try to replicate those factors next time you’re doing a sprint. Control as many variables as you can while you’re “training.”

If you find social media distracting, trying getting a web browser extension that prevents you from connecting to websites for a set period of time.

If you find you tend to dither before starting, I find it helpful to run through everything that I might do to procrastinate (check my social media! grab a snack! make some tea! set up my playlist! check my social media again! finish making the tea! check my social media for what I swear will be the last time!), and when I’m done, it’s like, well, I’ve done all those things, I’ve got no choice left, time to write, no excuses left.

If you find you struggle with picking up a WIP, try leaving off in the middle of a sentence at the end of a session, one where you know exactly how it ends - or, leave off mid-paragraph, or when you are positive you know what happens next (and I mean literally next, as in the very next sentence.) It’s much easier to “pick back up” when your first words are super clear. (Do not do this if you think there’s any chance you’ll forget or end up in a situation where you won’t return to your WIP for months!)

If you find you struggle to maintain continuity across multiple writing sessions, try rereading what you wrote the previous day before you proceed. Resist the urge to edit it!

Avoid stopping when you get stuck, even to do research. Don’t know a fact? Add a comment to your manuscript flagging the relevant text, “LOOK THIS UP LATER.” Can’t think of a word? Put in something you can use the “find” function on easily (I personally use “XX” since there are no words that have a double x in them) and so you can come back later, search for your chosen placeholder, and fill in the blanks. Not sure how a scene ends but know the next scene? Jump ahead.

That said, if you really don’t know what happens next, you don’t do yourself any favors by pressing on. As I’ve said previously, speed alone should never be your writing object. It’s better to slow down, consider your plot, figure out where you’re going, and then write, than to just plow ahead - or at least, that’s better if you want a manuscript you’ll actually be able to use for something at a later point. If you’re truly just practicing, you can also say “screw it, who needs coherence?” and keep going. I’d personally never have finished my first novel if I’d spent a lot of time worrying about making the pieces fit together and yeah, it’s a mess, but it’s a mess I wrote instead of a mess I got stuck on and never completed.

Don’t move the finish line. If you’ve set the goal of 500 words a day, don’t beat yourself up if you get 550 because you think you think you could have done more. If you say you’ll write five days a week, don’t get mad because you DID have time the sixth day but chose to use it on something else. If you make yourself feel like shit when you succeed, what’ll happen when you fail? And when you’re comfortable and really think you’re ready, change the goal - reassess every month, say, and up your goals. While working for speed, trying upping your word count goal without changing the amount of time you allot for working.

Your need to adhere to the above suggestions will change over time. Once, I always had an outline; now I often don’t need one. Once, I wouldn’t let myself stop even to use a thesaurus; now, I find I can look up words without breaking my flow or significantly slowing myself down. This is not an “all or nothing” prospect, nor is it a “do things the same way forever once you’ve found one (1) thing that works” prospect - you’ll experiment, and find strategies that work for you, and then at some point, your needs will change, and you’ll experiment more, and find new strategies that work for you, on and on, as your skills grow.

To reiterate: writing fast should never be your objective in and of itself! Greater writing speed will come with practice and as a general side effect of improving your craft. Simply being able to write fast is useless; being able to write fast and well will enable you to get more of your ideas out there, so if that’s something you’d like to accomplish, focus on building your general skills and training yourself to be able to use those skills rapidly and in tandem with each other to produce decent writing, in a first draft, at a decent speed.

Once you try, you may find none of this works for you! That’s okay. That’s good! You tried, which means you learned something about yourself and your own writing style, and that too will help you to improve. Keep experimenting, keep learning, and find what does work for you - and accept that no two writers will ever be the same, and one of those differences will be writing speed. Some writers will never write fast, and that’s doesn’t make them any less awesome or valid. And some writers will always write fast, and that doesn’t make them inherently awesome or valid. Only with a suite of skills that suit your individual life, personality, work style, writing capabilities, goals, etc., will you succeed as a writer (for various, personalized definitions of the word “success”); speed is only one of those potential skills, and not one that’s particularly important in my opinion...yet I still get asked about it fairly often, so here we are, these are my suggestions

Go forth, and write some words! <3

#duck prints press #writing advice #original content

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kkusuka · 4 years ago

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Our little corner of the garden.

based on a request miss Puppy submitted that i was so in love with, i changed it a bit but its mostly of the request lol

the request: Imagine y/n is being forced into an arranged married to better her fathers company but obviously she hates the idea but she loves her dad so she agrees. Oikawa on the other hand refuses to let the love of his life go so with the help of Iwa Oikawa got a suit and crash y/n’s wedding. It was right before the bride had to walk. Y/N standing in her bridal suite wearing her beautiful and expensive wedding dress trying not to pass out when Oikawa walked in “wow, don’t you look gorgeous” “Tooru!? What are you doing here!?” Oikawa explains how much he loves her and he can take care of her and she can live her life free of unfair responsibilities. Oikawa asks y/n to run away with him to Argentina to marry him. Y/n ends up agreeing and they run out of the chapel giggling hand in hand while a cheering Iwa is in the drivers seat of the love birds getaway car and yes please I thought that would be so cute 🥺🥺🥺-✨Puppy🤩

relationship: Oikawa Tooru x reader, slight Atsumu x reader, and iwaizumi hajime is mentioned <3

genre: angst with a happy ending

synopsis: the moment he had lead you into the small corner of the garden your heart was his.

words: 2.4k

notes:i turned it into a royal AU because it adds more flare. i shed more than a few tears while writing this and it has to be my favorite thing I’ve ever published. and that's saying a lot. i hope you enjoy it as much as i do <3

also may or may not be influenced by speak now by taylor swift

Since you could remember there have been two constants in your life.

The first was a bubbly bright-eyed boy Oikawa Tooru.

You had both met on the eve of your seventh birthday, a day you dreaded. Your mother used any and all family events to invite every prominent family in the kingdom for a night of celebration. A night you couldn't participate in due to your age; an answer to a question that you hated to hear.

In your six-year-old mind, the best way to handle your anger was to run to the garden and hide for as long as you could humanly manage. You flung the most desolate corner and squatted right down, head between your knees.

You sat there for what felt like hours until a small pat on your back had you reeling your head to look at who dared to interrupt your pity-party. No one should know where you went and if they did they should know better than to touch you.

But turning and seeing the warmest brown eyes in the world was not what you had expected. The setting sun behind his tufts of chocolate brown hair made him look like he had a halo. Maybe your nights of prayer had worked, god had sent you an angel.

“Now Missy princess, I ain’t a professional but sittin’ like that can't be nice. ‘Cmon up missy girl!”

You aren't sure if you believed his words or if you were so mesmerized by him that you locked hands and let him pull you up revealing the two-inch difference in your height. A difference that he didn't let go of for the rest of the night.

He brought you to a small crevice in the high-leaved walls of your family's garden, settling you down he told you his name: Oikawa Tooru and that he lived in the servants quarters with his mother.

Along with that, you learned of his interest in catching a real-life alien, by the time the sun had fully settled you could hear your name called from the pathway Oikawa had led you down hours before, they had found you, it was time to go.

Oikawa led you back down the track making you promise to come back the next day to form a plan that no alien could avoid. And so every afternoon into the evening at dinner was spent telling stories and making contraptions that you were sure no alien could averse to.

You couldn't count how many times your childhood rebellion had got you in trouble with your more than disappointed parents. Not even their cliche speeches about being of a high standard and not meddling with peasants were able to deter you from seeing him.

One thing was for certain: Oikawa Tooru became your first friend.

The second constant was the fact you would never be able to have your own future.

You learned this at five years old when your mother began to groom you into the perfect bride she expected you to be. Managing to convince you to finally start taking lessons at age 15 by mentioning how late everything already was.

You liked to pretend the etiquette lessons are just because your mother wanted you to act like a lady. But the back of your mind always reminded you it was because she wanted you to be a great wife. She didn't care if you could hold a teacup properly, she cared if anyone else noticed.

You used your speech classes to strengthen your voice for when Oikawa asked you to sing for him when he wanted to sleep. Not because you needed to make speeches when you are crowned queen. It didn't matter that you were a complimented orator, you cared that in his daily letter to you he complimented how soft your voice was as it lulled him to sleep.

Your favorite was the dance lessons, the same ones where you would run to see Tooru in your secluded corner of the garden and teach him everything you learned. You'd spend hours telling him the ‘proper’ way to place his foot as he laughs at you about how up-tight you sound. Of course, he always listens, continuing to twirl you around with the utmost pristine.

These dances made you think about the ever-growing difference in height the two of you shared, no longer were you two inches taller than the brown-haired boy. Now the small boy you once knew towered over you, and he constantly reminded you of it.

“Aw! y/n you look so tiny from here!” he laughed as he held you from the waist and led you in a waltz that he was making up as the music went on. Emphasizing his point by placing a palm on your head ruffling your hair and once again laughing as your cheeks puffed out.

His voice was no longer high-pitched and no longer cracked when he whined about how annoying your mother was being. His deep voice lingered in your mind as you laid away in your bed after he dropped you off hours before, like a whisper in the night.

Nothing else had changed about him, his eyes were still the warmest and lightest you've ever seen and his hair was still just as soft as it looked. He still smiled like the world was at his feet and he still conspired with you about the aliens that WERE coming.

He was still your Tooru. Your Toru had grown so he could tilt your chin to look him in the eye. Your Tooruthat teased you by whispering improper things during gatherings, the same whispers that send chills down your spine. Your Tooru, whose hands grab your waist and leave ghostly touches on you for weeks, the same hands that envelop you and drag you to the gardens.

Your Tooru that you’ve been in love with since you met in the evening in your garden. The same love you would never indulge.

A love that you have been preparing to lose yet at the same time you would never release.

At 17 you had received the news you had blocked out of your life: your parents had found you a suitable husband. You were sure he was wonderful, but the idea repulsed you.

And it seemed to repulse Tooru even more. He had gone silent the second you came to him teary-eyed, spouting about how you would never be free again. For hours he held your shaking form telling you he would make sure you were happy no matter what.

Beginning the next day Oikawa tried to spend every waking moment by your side, running through the halls, late-night cooking when neither of you could sleep, and even taking your parent's crowns and pretending you were dancing at both of your coronations.

Weeks upon weeks you spent basking in each other's company doing everything to ignore the impending doom you rapidly approached. And finally, your sphere of bliss with Tooru was broken when your first meeting with your future husband was announced.

Atsumu Miya was wonderful. He was handsome and funny, knew how to converse, and your parents seemed to thoroughly enjoy his presence. And he was extremely nice to you, making you feel as if you’d known him your whole life.

But one thing had you entirely consumed the whole visit: Atsumu Miya was not Oikawa Tooru. Not in the slightest.

How was it possible they had the same brown eyes but Tooru’s were so much brighter and they looked at you like you were the entire world. How is it that Atsumu looked at you like everyone else? he didn't make you feel special.

Atsumu’s hair was not the soft brown you were accustomed to, his hair was colored an ugly yellow that you couldn't tell if your opinion was biased or you were beginning to hate the color.

Atsumu’s smile was not the warm, sweet tilt of Tooru’s lips, instead, it was a tight, flirty smirk that unsettled you to the core. Atsumu didn't have the cute tilt of Tooru’s eyes when he smiled.

He was simply not Tooru. And that would simply not do.

Somewhere in your mind, you knew that no one could replace Tooru. You were all his no matter who you were set to marry.

And that fact didn't help when he volunteered to help choose flowers. It was hard to swallow when he chose napkins and helped with the centerpieces. You wanted to scream when he asked if he could cake taste with you. You wanted to run and never come back when he sat and watched you try on the hand-tailored dress for your big day.

You held on to the delusion that you and Tooru were planning your own wedding, not you and another man who would never hold a place in your heart. That you and he were baking a cake that you and he would cut the next day, then go to a beautiful island and live in domestic bliss for the rest of your natural lives, maybe to meet in the next.

The hardest to swallow was the visit to the corner of the garden the night before you give up your freedom. How he pulled you into his embrace asking if the two of you could practice your first dance with Atsumu, “just to practice” he reminds.

“I can't believe you're getting married” he mused while rearranging his hands to the middle of your waist. Rocking you back and forth as you hugged your arms around his back. “Do you remember the first time we came to this spot? You were pouting about your birthday, and me, the amazing Oikawa Tooru, was the only one who could help you.”

He kept you tucked into his chest as he continued to list all of the most important memories the two of you shared in your corner of the garden.

“This really is our corner Tooru.”

“Yeah…. It really is, do you mind if I add another memory to our corner?”

He kissed you right there, holding on to whatever he could of your love.

Oikawa Tooru was not a prince.

That fact haunted him since that eve of your seventh birthday. He was the son of a barmaid who gained work doing labor in the castle for food and a place to stay. Not someone whom the crowned princess should associate with.

And the head knight in training thought exactly that, Iwaizumi Hajime was his closest confidant since coming to the country of Aoba, his best friend. And also the grounder of all of Tooru’s ridiculous rambling about spending the rest of his life catching aliens with you.

Oikawa has to give it to him, Iwaizumi did a good job making sure he didn’t do anything too stupid. Unfortunately, he couldn't talk him out of meeting you one last time before he’d probably never see you again.

He held you in his arms one last time, telling you all of his favorite memories he held so dearly, back when you had all the time in the world. Back when the two of you were invincible.

Back to when he wished he just grabbed you and told you everything you made him feel, all the times he just wanted to scream how much he loved you.

He wasn't a prince in the eyes of everyone else, but he didn't need to be when he had you.

Oikawa Tooru was not a prince, but when had that mattered to him anyway?

Before you could fully wake, you were being pulled in a thousand different directions for last-minute dress fittings and checking the venue a final time before being whisked away for someone to do your hair.

You didn't even realize what was happening until you were being once more uprooted and told to wait in a small fitting room. For what felt like hours you waited, thinking about what your new, presumably miserable, life would be like.

The two women helping you in your dress were far more excited than you were, a lump had formed in your throat and if they didn't leave you alone and stop talking about your soon-to-be husband, you were going to be sick.

You looked beautiful, whoever did your hair and makeup did wonderfully. You looked like a bride. Maybe you could get through this if you closed your eyes and pretend it was Tooru and not the blonde who was getting ready across the hall somewhere.

You were given your bouquet and a long veil was placed on your head, it was finally time. No more dancing in the garden or making traps for the pesky aliens. No more Oikawa Tooru.

Somewhere in your thoughts, you missed when the door opened and a hand was placed on your back.

Turning over your shoulder to see the same brown eyes that you have for the past eleven years and the same soft brown hair you've braided and run your hands through. It wasn't the sun but the light in the room as you looked up at him made it look like he had a halo. God really had sent you an angel.

“Now missy, I'm pretty sure you're supposed to be happy on your wedding day.”

You couldn't think of anything but the way he was smiling at you, the same smile he had while leading you down the path all those years ago. The same one who was leading you out of the room to a side exit door,

“And I've been doing some thinking, I can't just let the woman I love go and marry someone else just like that. Especially not to come half-ass wanna be casanova!”

He was lifting the veil off your face, wiping away the flood of tears coming down your cheeks as you brought your hand up to help him with his.

“So, princess y/n l/n, would you follow me to make some more memories?”

“Oh, I'd follow you to the ends of the earth Prince Oikawa Tooru.”

#oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader #oikawa angst #oikawa fluff #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa tooru x reader angst #oikawa x reader angst #oikawa x reader fluff #atsumu miya #atsumu x reader #atsumu miya x reader #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi x reader #hq #hq!!#haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #oikawa x you

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dylinski · 5 years ago

Note

do 1-100, coward

I AM NO COWARD

anyone who actually reads through all this, god bless you. you can blame leigh @thessaia, i give you full authority.

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

of those three, pandora. although, i prefer apple music.

2. is your room messy or clean?

LMFAO. CLEAN? I DON’T KNOW HER

3. what color are your eyes?

brown, but they’re lighter than that in the right light. almost a caramel with a dark chocolate ring on the outside.

4. do you like your name? why?

yeah, i don’t mind it. its always been there. lol i mean i used to have different nicknames or pretend to be other people. idk i told my parents when i was like five i was going to change my name to Felicia Franchesca Sarahmichelle Lynn. don’t ask. in fifth grade (before dylan o’brien was even famous) i begged my parents to call me dylan and refused to respond to any other name for like a year. also, don’t ask.

5. what is your relationship status?

single as dingle

6. describe your personality in 3 words or less

CHAOTIC, SMARTASS, STABBY

7. what color hair do you have?

answered

8. what kind of car do you drive? color?

kia forte, although my dad calls it an orte since the “f” is missing. funny story, i got pulled over and gave the dude my license and registration and shit but apparently, he didn’t look at it cause he put on the warning “orte” which i promptly laughed my ass off to. if he had given me a ticket i could have absolutely fought that bitch in court in won. SIR I DO NOT DRIVE AN ORTE. IS THAT ITALIAN? DO I LOOK LIKE I CAN AFFORD AN ITALIAN CAR? I DRIVE A FORTE SIR.

9. where do you shop?

ONLINE

10. how would you describe your style?

very idgaf

11. favorite social media account

tumblr

12. what size bed do you have?

full, it takes up my entire room so i couldn’t go bigger if i wanted to

13. any siblings?

answered

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

uk, always wanted to live there idk

15. favorite snapchat filter?

idk what its called but it has this higher temperature tone to it and gives me cute little freckles

16. favorite makeup brand(s)

i don’t wear make up, i used to use stilla (i think that’s how its spelled)

17. how many times a week do you shower?

i usually shower like every other day unless its hotter than a pair of saggy tits

18. favorite tv show?

that changes with the weather tbh. i can’t say i really have one. for a really long time it was supernatural though.

19. shoe size?

womans 11.5 (us) i think its a men’s 9?

20. how tall are you?

5′ 3″ or 160cm

21. sandals or sneakers?

sneakers. god i hate sandals.

22. do you go to the gym?

uh, no.

23. describe your dream date

answered

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

thats funny cause normally i don’t carry cash but i actually have $20 atm

25. what color socks are you wearing?

im not wearing any atm

26. how many pillows do you sleep with?

answered x2

27. do you have a job? what do you do?

not technically? i’m an hourly temp but i hardly get any hours since i cover for the full-time employee.

28. how many friends do you have?

irl: 0 online: too many to count

29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?

oh god, i honest to god have no fucking clue. i don’t think about this stuff. i’ve done some stupid ass shit but my short term and long term memory are both shot to tits.

30. whats your favorite candle scent?

i think i answered this one for a different ask game. i hate most fragrances and artificial smells, even non-artifical ones. i got a sensitive sniffer. im chill with like vanilla though if its not too intense.

31. 3 favorite boy names

Dylan (not even cause dylan i’ve just always liked the name idk why), Jeremy, Jacob (the other two are random)

32. 3 favorite girl names

i know these are random as fuck, but i’ve always liked them so shoot me.

Andromeda, Persephone, Franchesca

33. favorite actor?

i like a lot of actors, way too many to fucking name and remember off the top of my noggin. for sanity’s sake, we’ll say dylan.

34. favorite actress?

god, again way too many to count. i can’t even think of any right now even though i know i have some. lets say Emily Hampshire

35. who is your celebrity crush?

answered36. favorite movie?

answered37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

i would love to read but my adhd makes it really hard to concentrate. i’ll have periods of time where i’ll read a bunch its insane and then i’ll just kind of stop for a while idk. i always loved because of win-dixie or a wrinkle in time, bridge to terabithia, and american assassin.

38. money or brains?

brains, then you can work for the money and you know shit

39. do you have a nickname? what is it?

sawahbwear, sassafras, whiskey, sar

40. how many times have you been to the hospital?

good lord, i don’t even know. way too many. definitely more than ten.

41. top 10 favorite songs

answered42. do you take any medications daily?

not anymore, i kept forgetting to take them so it fucked me up not being on a regular dosage so i just stopped taking all of them.

43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

see, im weird af. cause like my skin is oily af, but also fucking dry and i have shitty eczema 44. what is your biggest fear?

answered45. how many kids do you want?

idfk. i mean for as long as i can remember i always wanted them, but tbh idk if im the type of person to have any…

46. whats your go to hair style?

messy bun

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

small, row house

48. who is your role model?

dont have one.

49. what was the last compliment you received?

probably from michelle i think, or alaina. idk i don’t keep track. unless you consider kiana calling me insane a compliment. 🤷‍♀️

50. what was the last text you sent?

“thankies”

51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

tbh, i don’t think i ever thought he was real…pretty sure i could put in time out in preschool for making a kid cry cause i told them leprechauns weren’t real either.

52. what is your dream car?

mustang or challenger

53. opinion on smoking?

conflicted

54. do you go to college?

disappointingly

55. what is your dream job?

no clue

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

rural, but still close enough to shit it doesn’t take me an hour to go places.

57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

haven't been to a hotel in a long ass time. i do but i never use them.. FREE SHIT

58. do you have freckles?

yeah, but you can’t see them unless i’ve been outside in the sun all day for hours.

59. do you smile for pictures?

relatively

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?

5604

61. have you ever peed in the woods?

yup, and in a parking lot, and in public.🤙

62. do you still watch cartoons?

i hardly watch tv anymore, but if i did, fuCK YEAH

63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

WNEDYS ALL DAY ERRY DAY THE RED HEADED BITCH IS MY HOE OKAY

64. Favorite dipping sauce?

ew, no.

65. what do you wear to bed?

tshirt

66. have you ever won a spelling bee?

answered

67. what are your hobbies?

writing, coding, listening to music??, reading

68. can you draw?

NOPE

69. do you play an instrument?

also no

70. what was the last concert you saw?

like two years ago, circa survive with thrice and a third band idr

71. tea or coffee?

neither

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

neither

73. do you want to get married?

idk

74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?

75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?

idk, part of me wants to but most of me doesnt want to

76. what color looks best on you?

i look good in all colors except white.

77. do you miss anyone right now?

yeah

78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed cause i still live at home 😖 but if i didnt probably open so my cat could come and go as he pleased

79. do you believe in ghosts?

ghosts, no. spirits, yes.

80. what is your biggest pet peeve?

answered

81. last person you called

my dad

82. favorite ice cream flavor?

mint choco chip

83. regular oreos or golden oreos?

damn, regular.

84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

RAINBOW BITCHES

85. what shirt are you wearing?

supernatural. dean and sam with baby

86. what is your phone background?

mitch rapp

87. are you outgoing or shy?

im an ambivert

88. do you like it when people play with your hair?

FUCKING YES

89. do you like your neighbors?

the ones on the right are bearable and the ones on the left can fuck off with their insane semen demons

90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

neither, but i should.

91. have you ever been high?

nope

92. have you ever been drunk?

answered

93. last thing you ate?

hot dog

94. favorite lyrics right now

answered

95. summer or winter?

fall

96. day or night?

night

97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?

dark

98. favorite month?

umm, august? idk

99. what is your zodiac sign

aquarius

100. who was the last person you cried in front of?

i don’t remember, it’s been a really long time since i cried in front of someone.

#thessaia #ask games #BET YOU THOUGHT I WOULDNT #HA #BITE ME #YOUR BITCH ASS BETTER READ EVERY DAMN ONE CAUSE THIS SHIT TOOK ME LIKE A GODDAMN HOUR

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sticksmustdie · 4 years ago

Note

for the ask thing: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, ,9 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 2-0, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58 , 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99. 100 >:))) <3

>:00 EVIL!!

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify

is your room messy or clean? clean

what color are your eyes? brown

do you like your name? why? yes, because it’s not my deadname lol

what is your relationship status? single

describe your personality in 3 words or less. stolen from MCR

what color hair do you have? natural black hair but 90% of it is red rn

what kind of car do you drive? color? don’t drive yet but permit test soon

where do you shop? HTTP and Savers

how would you describe your style? casual punk?

favorite social media account daily monkey dance on twt

what size bed do you have? twin

any siblings? a brother

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? idk japan?

favorite snapchat filter? i don't use snapchat a lot kdfkd (the ravioli one)

favorite makeup brand(s) I don't use makeup

how many times a week do you shower? uh fuck idk its quarantine 3-4?? i don't count

favorite tv show? umbrella academy is p good, also end of the f**king world

shoe size? 9

how tall are you? 5′6

sandals or sneakers? yes

do you go to the gym? hahahaha no

describe your dream date going to a concert would be cool but id like it to be more chill like a sunset picnic then casual shopping/thrifting

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? like 6 bucks lol i went thrifting got a the cure cd and a misfits shirt Score!

what color socks are you wearing? I'm not wearing socks rn >:D

how many pillows do you sleep with? one

do you have a job? what do you do? no job

how many friends do you have? uuuh irl 10ish? and internet friends like 5?

whats the worst thing you have ever done? get suspended lol

whats your favorite candle scent? pumpkin spice/wood smell??

3 favorite boy names [insert MCR member’s names]

3 favorite girl names hayley, jolyne, Melody

favorite actor? don't really have one

favorite actress? don't really have one

who is your celebrity crush? Winona ryder

favorite movie? velocipastor

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? i read a lot of fanfic does that count lol

money or brains? brains bc then you can make money

do you have a nickname? what is it? fe/ghoul

how many times have you been to the hospital? like 3

top 10 favorite songs

do you take any medications daily? nope

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) soft???? idk how to answer that

what is your biggest fear? losing friends/connections

how many kids do you want? i hate kids, none

whats your go to hair style? i like to tie my hair into a shitty mullet

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) decent sized?? bad question next

who is your role model? my ap psych teacher he’s so cool and wholesome

what was the last compliment you received? one of my friends saying they fucking loved me bc i was mocking mcr’s new merch

what was the last text you sent? “okay hair rinse time” was redying my hair

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? i never believed in Santa to begin with so 0???

what is your dream car? mmm hearse or Pontiac firebird trans am

opinion on smoking? dont please

do you go to college? next year i will be

what is your dream job? something art based and sustainable

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? suburbs just for easy access to groceries etc

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? who doesn't?

do you have freckles? nope

do you smile for pictures? depends

how many pictures do you have on your phone? 22 to keep track of my hair eras

have you ever peed in the woods? jskkdfd no??

do you still watch cartoons? yes I'm rewatching winx rn lmfao

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? McD chicken nuggies

Favorite dipping sauce? BBQ or the chickfila og sauce

what do you wear to bed? oversized band shirt

have you ever won a spelling bee? nope

what are your hobbies? drawing, listening to music, reading fanfiction

can you draw? yes?

do you play an instrument? guitar, badly

what was the last concert you saw? i’ve never been to one :/ was going to go see MCR but uh yknow

tea or coffee? both

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? starbucks

do you want to get married? sure why not, ill do it for the benefits

what is your crush’s first and last initial? not crushing on anyone for now

are you going to change your last name when you get married? sure why not

what color looks best on you? black and red bc it compliments my hair

do you miss anyone right now? not really

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed

do you believe in ghosts? not really, i’d be cool if they were real tho

what is your biggest pet peeve? when people just spam you with pictures with no context and expect you to reply??

last person you called classmates for a group project

favorite ice cream flavor? oh i love mint chip

regular oreos or golden oreos? regular ones

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? chocolate

what shirt are you wearing? overzied misfits shirt

what is your phone background? red and blue from dd national anthem

are you outgoing or shy? i think I'm outgoing

do you like it when people play with your hair? depends on the person but most of the time no

do you like your neighbors? they're chill

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? when i shower kjdsfkdf

have you ever been high? nope

have you ever been drunk? nope I'm allergic to alcohol lol

last thing you ate? soup

favorite lyrics right now oh how wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying

summer or winter? fall

day or night? night

dark, milk, or white chocolate? oh dark chocolate 100%

favorite month? october and november

what is your zodiac sign Scorpio

who was the last person you cried in front of? haha my whole family

#stick talks #oops forgot 41 its okay i answered it on a separate ask dfkjsdkfd

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

Text

735

Hola, hablas espanol? Un poco. Haha most of my Spanish is based off of context clues from similar words and phrases that we have in Filipino, and the very basic lessons I’ve gotten from Duolingo if that even counts, so I most likely would not survive a conversation. Overall though, I can read Spanish much more quickly and better than I can listen to/speak it. Music is playing right now, isn't it? What song? No but for some reason I have the OST of one of the Mario Kart 8 tracks playing in my head. Do you use AIM? What's your screen name? No, I didn’t really catch that era anymore. How many cell phones have you gone through in your life? I had two of the classic Nokia phones, a flip phone, a hand-me-down from my dad, two iPhone 5S, and my current iPhone 8 so that makes it a total of seven. Do you have a little sister? What's her name? Yeah. We’ve always called her Nina at home but for some reason she chose to go with her full first name in school and everywhere else, so it’s always a source of confusion when her friends and I are in the same room and we call her different names hahaha.

Who was the last person you screamed at? Why were you screaming? I think my mom? I was filming my dad doing one of the Tiktok dances (yep, my parents are into Tiktok lmaooooo) but my mom blocked the camera at some point so I jokingly yelled at her to go away. Can you crack your joints? Which ones? Just my fingers, which is all I ever feel like cracking anyway. What's your favorite name for a guy? And a girl? I repeat my fave girls’ names too much on this damn site, y’all know at least one of them by now. I don’t really think of boys’ names but I suppose my current favorite is Miguel. Are you good at answering trick questions? I don’t really encounter them a lot so I wouldn’t know. Do you use Myspace or Facebook? Or both? I don’t use Myspace/was never addicted to it the way I am to like Twitter now. I do use Facebook for various reasons – to stay connected to family, to be updated with announcements from school, to communicate for work, and to share memes hahahaha. Do you need spellcheck in order to spell things correctly? Not really. Sometimes I’ll Google a word before typing it out to be 100% sure but it’s only usually for words that are commonly misspelled, like ‘occasionally.’ Do you do too many surveys? How many have you done today? I don’t know if taking them daily counts as taking them too much but to be fair I only take one to three surveys a day. I definitely take much fewer surveys than I did, like, seven years ago when I would fill out ten a day. Have you ever changed yourself to impress someone? Who? I remember trying to like bands like The Summer Set, You Me At Six, The Maine, We Came As Romans, This Century, etc in Grade 6 because all the cooler, hipster kids liked them. UGH thinking about how I acted during that period is so cringe because I never even liked any of the fucking music but I tried so hard to, lmao. There were only three bands I ended up genuinely enjoying: All Time Low, Sleeping With Sirens, and We Are the In Crowd. After that I stopped paying attention to what people liked. Who was the last person you gave up on? Why did you give up on them? I think it was Macy. She has changed a lot and it’s obvious we are not as close as before and when we do talk it’s mostly awkward small talk. I don’t know what happened along the way, but I just hope she’s happy. What was the last thing you printed? Is there even ink in your printer? I usually have stuff printed in school because with my dad not being home most of the time, my mom and brother never printing anything, and my sister living in a dorm, it doesn’t seem worth it to keep buying ink just for me. The last thing I printed was a news article I needed to turn in for business writing class. What's your favorite number? Is there any reason that's your favorite? 4. I honestly liked it initially because it’s Beyoncé’s favorite number so I just stuck with that answer for the longest time haha. What kind of shampoo do you use? Does it smell amazing? It’s one of the Dove shampoos. It’s nothing life-changing but seeing as it’s a hair care product, it of course smells nice and decent. Do you go to concerts? What was the last one you attended? Not a lot. I save my attendance for my absolute favorites which means that so far I’ve been to two Paramore shows and one One Direction show. I make sure they’re bigger, more mainstream acts that don’t happen in the Philippines a lot because it’s my dad who pays, and I wanna make sure what I’m asking him to treat me to is gonna be a super super worth it experience, if that makes sense. Have you ever had a conversation with someone through bulletins? I don’t think so. Do you shop online? With your own credit card, or someone else's? I have food delivered from online but I barely buy other stuff online. I use cash on delivery since I don’t own any kind of card. Who's your best friend? How long have you known each other? I’ve known Angela for 15 years and Gab for 9. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Why did you break up? She freaked out and thought we were rushing too much at 17, which she was right about. Have you ever gotten your nails done? Or do you get them done regularly? Never but Gabie keeps telling me that we should have a nail day hahahaha. Idk, I’ve never been comfortable with the idea of someone working on my fingers or toes or any part of my body. Have you been outside yet today? What were you doing? Sure. I stepped out into our backyard to walk my dog for a few minutes in the afternoon; in the evening my family and I had dinner on our rooftop which is technically a part of outside. Tell me about the last thing that made you laugh until it hurt. It was one of the more recent segments from a Korean reality show I watch. It’s not gonna be funny if I narrate it lmao but suffice it to say it’s a show about kids and their dads, and the kid that I watched in particular is exceptionally smart for his age and says a lot of witty things. One of the things he said was bullseye for me and I ended up nearly screaming in laughter at 3 AM. When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? 2008. We never changed my bed from when we first moved here. Yes, I’d say it is. What kind of games did you play on the playground when you were younger? I loved playing at the sandbox because I found the texture really fun to touch and play with; I also liked the swing and the trapeze bars.

Have you ever buried a time capsule with a friend? Did you dig it up yet? Nope. I find them very interesting though. Tell me one thing you'd like to change in 2010. There's gotta be something. That was a whole-ass decade ago, holy shit. I don’t remember what I sought for 2010 back in 2009 but I imagine one of them is for me to find a friend to be with because it was in 2010 that two of my closest friends, Andi and Angel, both migrated to New Zealand and Canada. Spoiler alert: I didn’t, and I was sad the entire year. Do you have or want any tattoos? Of what? Yes. The only design I can think of right now is my dog’s pawprint. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yeah, it was in my parents’ old Mitsubishi Lancer. I was with my mom and I drove too close to curbs/walls the entire time haha. Do any of your friends drink excess amounts of alcohol? Do you? JM drank a lot at the start of the quarantine to the point that I started to get worried, but I think he’s lessened his intake in the last few weeks. Other than him I don’t know anyone with a drinking problem. I certainly don’t have one. What color is your favorite hoodie? When did you get it? Hoodies aren’t really my thing so I don’t have a favorite one. How many pairs of shoes do you have? Are they under your bed? Around 10-15 would be a safe guess. They’re in a shoe rack in a bodega-like space underneath our stairs. What exactly is under your bed? Is it a mess? Not a mess. I just have my old WWE magazines and other various magazines that I collected as a teenager with Beyoncé and Kristen Stewart on the cover stored in two large containers. Have you ever been in handcuffs? Why, exactly? Not by the police, lol byeeeeeeeeeeee What's your favorite thing to do when drunk? Would you do this sober? I join games a lot more and I’m generally friendlier and louder. I can be the first two when I’m sober, just a lot more reserved. When was the last time you bled? What happened? I caught a mosquito sucking blood off of my knee a week ago. Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital? Why? Nope. Do you actually have a calendar on your wall? What are the pictures of? I do not. When are you planning on moving out of your parents' house? In 2-3 years when I’ve saved enough, probably. I’m itching to do it as soon as I can though. Tell me about your day today. :) It was my parents’ 23rd wedding anniversary so we had a bigger brunch that consisted of pancit Malabon, several sticks of barbecue, sisig, and various kakanin to celebrate. The afternoon was uneventful and I just spent most of it brushing up on my Spanish lessons hah, then I had a quick siesta; then for dinner we had burgers from a local place that recently opened again while the quarantine is ongoing. Are you a fan of dogs? Do you have any pets? I LOVE dogs, except for chihuahuas which I genuinely am unable to start liking because of (most of) their personalities. I will definitely care for one if I see them starving at a road but ugh idk, I just like all other dogs a lot more. And I know there are cuddly and behaved chihuahuas out there but I’ve simply seen more feisty ones and since then it’s been hard to have my mind changed about them. Who was the last person in your family to graduate high school? Was it you? My sister graduated in 2018. Have you ever been on a cruise? How many? Where did they go? Yeah, just once, for my 18th birthday. I went to China, Japan, and South Korea.

#survey #surveys

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This is a heartbreaking investigation into how Donald Trump's DISGUSTING 🤢, VILE, DESPICABLE, APPALLING, and DEPRAVED behavior is trickling down in our society and having REAL LIFE EFFECTS(including suicide) on our children and young people. The FISH ROTS from the HEAD. Melania it looks like your 'BE BEST' campaign isn't working out so well. Perhaps you should start by taking your husband's phone away and removing him from public view. PLEASE READ 📖 and SHARE this investigation. TY 🙏🏻🙏🏼🙏🏽🙏🏾🙏🏿

HOW THE BULLY-IN-CHIEF IS TURNING AMERICA NASTIER

By Paul Waldman | Published February 13 at 4:07 PM EST | Washington Post | Posted February 14, 2020 |

Sometimes we overestimate the degree to which a president can change a country, not just altering federal policy but also transforming our national life. But President Trump, there can be little doubt, will have as profound an effect on America as nearly any president in memory. The problem is that he’s doing it in all the worst ways.

As a new report from The Post demonstrates, across the country schools are reporting increased incidents of bullying and harassment directed at minority children in the time since Trump began running for office:

Since Trump’s rise to the nation’s highest office, his inflammatory language — often condemned as racist and xenophobic — has seeped into schools across America. Many bullies now target other children differently than they used to, with kids as young as 6 mimicking the president’s insults and the cruel way he delivers them.

It’s not all kids bullying kids — some of the cases involve teachers telling minority students that Trump will deport them or saying things such as “You’re getting kicked out of my country” (and there are also cases, though much smaller in number, of pro-Trump children being bullied).

Amazing what happens when you take the most repugnant human being in America and put him in the White House.

I exaggerate — but only a bit. I’m sure there are some Americans who are more morally despicable than Trump. Serial killers, for instance. But whether you like his administration’s policies, the president of the United States is a con man, a tax cheat, an accused sexual predator and the most prolific liar in the political history of Planet Earth, among other things.

But he might have been all that and not produced this kind of bullying. In fact, it was utterly predictable, because bullying is at the core of Trump’s being — and his political persona.

When he started running for president in 2015, Trump made clear that not only was he selling an agenda of xenophobia and racism, but he also wanted people to proclaim their hatreds loudly. “I’m so tired of this politically correct crap,” he said, and he wasn’t just talking about campus speech codes. He was angry at the foundational idea behind “political correctness,” that in our daily lives we should try to treat each other with respect.

The hell with that, Trump said. Every day he offered an instruction in the liberating power of being offensive. Not only shouldn’t you let a bunch of scolds tell you what kind of language to use, you should revel in the transgressive thrill of telling other people just what you think of them.

Trump plainly believes that if they see it to their advantage, people with more power should attack, victimize and humiliate those with less power. It’s something he’s known all his life, from when he was a young man being sued with his father for housing discrimination for refusing to rent apartments to black people, to when he was cheating struggling people out of their life savings, to when he refused to pay hundreds of small businesspeople what he owed them because they didn’t have the power to fight him.

In every case the logic was the same: He had more power than them, so he did what he wanted.

This is a man who mocked a reporter for his disability and who said women who accused him of sexual assault were too ugly for him to have victimized.

A different person might ascend to the most powerful position in the world and decide not to concern themselves anymore with petty squabbles. But if anything, Trump has accelerated his feuds, increasing the frequency with which he lashes out at those who are less powerful than him. Some are public figures who may be used to that sort of thing, but others are not.

One victim after another describes the disorienting feeling of being an ordinary person and realizing that the president of the United States is going after you. Just this week, Trump decided to attack the foreperson of the jury in the trial of his friend Roger Stone.

Imagine what it’s like to be her right now. You got the notice in the mail, went to do your civic duty, and now the president is insulting you on Twitter — with the inevitable threats and harassment from his supporters to follow.

And this is critical: Trump’s amen chorus celebrates him for his own bullying and the way he encourages others to be bullies. Recall the 2017 incident in which now-Rep. Greg Gianforte (R-Mont.) body-slammed a journalist to the floor. On Fox News they cheered the assault as “Montana justice,” and host Laura Ingraham tweeted, “Did anyone get his lunch money stolen today and then run to tell the recess monitor?” Trump later appeared at a rally with Gianforte and said, “Any guy that can do a body slam, he is my type!”

That’s the ethos of the Trump era: There are no more standards of morality or appropriate behavior or even simple politeness. There is only his power, and how you have to submit to it.

When Republicans impeached Bill Clinton for lying about an affair, they responded to the argument that it had nothing to do with his official duties by saying the president is a role model, so his behavior matters. They were wrong about a lot, but they were right about that.

The difference is that back then, nobody in Clinton’s party defended him for having an affair, let alone praised him for it. Today, Trump sends the message over and over that power and status should be used to punch down, mock, degrade and humiliate those you don’t like. And his legions of lickspittles laugh and cheer.

So it’s no wonder that Trump, who has the world’s biggest megaphone, has managed to spread his particular poison throughout the country, even to children. It would have a been a surprise if it didn’t happen.

*********

TRUMP’S WORDS, BULLIED KIDS,

SCARRED SCHOOLS .... THE PRESIDENT’S RHETORIC HAS CHANGED THE WAY HUNDREDS OF CHILDREN ARE HARASSED IN AMERICAN CLASSROOMS, The Post found

By Hannah Natanson, John Woodrow Cox and Perry Stein | Published Feb. 13, 2020 | Washington Post | Posted February 14, 2020 |

Two kindergartners in Utah told a Latino boy that President Trump would send him back to Mexico, and teenagers in Maine sneered "Ban Muslims" at a classmate wearing a hijab. In Tennessee, a group of middle- schoolers linked arms, imitating the president's proposed border wall as they refused to let nonwhite students pass. In Ohio, another group of middle-schoolers surrounded a mixed-race sixth-grader and, as she confided to her mother, told the girl: "This is Trump country."

Since Trump's rise to the nation’s highest office, his inflammatory language — often condemned as racist and xenophobic — has seeped into schools across America. Many bullies now target other children differently than they used to, with kids as young as 6 mimicking the president’s insults and the cruel way he delivers them.

Trump’s words, those chanted by his followers at campaign rallies and even his last name have been wielded by students and school staff members to harass children more than 300 times since the start of 2016, a Washington Post review of 28,000 news stories found. At least three-quarters of the attacks were directed at kids who are Hispanic, black or Muslim, according to the analysis. Students have also been victimized because they support the president — more than 45 times during the same period.

Although many hateful episodes garnered coverage just after the election, The Post found that Trump-connected persecution of children has never stopped. Even without the huge total from November 2016, an average of nearly two incidents per school week have been publicly reported over the past four years. Still, because so much of the bullying never appears in the news, The Post’s figure represents a small fraction of the actual total. It also doesn’t include the thousands of slurs, swastikas and racial epithets that aren’t directly linked to Trump but that the president’s detractors argue his behavior has exacerbated.

“It’s gotten way worse since Trump got elected,” said Ashanty Bonilla, 17, a Mexican American high school junior in Idaho who faced so much ridicule from classmates last year that she transferred. “They hear it. They think it’s okay. The president says it. . . . Why can’t they?”

Asked about Trump’s effect on student behavior, White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham noted that first lady Melania Trump — whose “Be Best” campaign denounces online harassment — had encouraged kids worldwide to treat one another with respect.

“She knows that bullying is a universal problem for children that will be difficult to stop in its entirety,” Grisham wrote in an email, “but Mrs. Trump will continue her work on behalf of the next generation despite the media’s appetite to blame her for actions and situations outside of her control.”

Most schools don’t track the Trump bullying phenomenon, and researchers didn’t ask about it in a federal survey of 6,100 students in 2017, the most recent year with available data. One in five of those children, ages 12 to 18, reported being bullied at school, a rate unchanged since the previous count in 2015.

However, a 2016 online survey of over 10,000 kindergarten through 12th-grade educators by the Southern Poverty Law Center found that more than 2,500 “described specific incidents of bigotry and harassment that can be directly traced to election rhetoric,” although the overwhelming majority never made the news. In 476 cases, offenders used the phrase “build the wall.” In 672, they mentioned deportation.

For Cielo Castor, who is Mexican American, the experience at Kamiakin High in Kennewick, Wash., was searing. The day after the election, a friend told Cielo, then a sophomore, that he was glad Trump won because Mexicans were stealing American jobs. A year later, when the president was mentioned during her American literature course, she said she didn't support him and a classmate who did refused to sit next to her.

“‘I don’t want to be around her,’ ” Cielo recalled him announcing as he opted for the floor instead.

Then, on “America night” at a football game in October 2018 during Cielo’s senior year, schoolmates in the student section unfurled a “Make America Great Again” flag. Led by the boy who wouldn’t sit beside Cielo, the teenagers began to chant: “Build — the — wall!”

Horrified, she confronted the instigator.

“You can’t be doing that,” Cielo told him.

He ignored her, she recalled, and the teenagers around him booed her. A cheerleading coach was the lone adult who tried to make them stop.

“I felt like I was personally attacked. And it wasn’t like they were attacking my character. They were attacking my ethnicity, and it’s not like I can do anything about that.”

— Cielo Castor

After a photo of the teenagers with the flag appeared on social media, news about what had happened infuriated many of the school’s Latinos, who made up about a quarter of the 1,700-member student body. Cielo, then 17, hoped school officials would address the tension. When they didn’t, she attended that Wednesday’s school board meeting.

“I don’t feel cared for,” she told the members, crying.

A day later, the superintendent consoled her and the principal asked how he could help, recalled Cielo, now a college freshman. Afterward, school staff members addressed every class, but Hispanic students were still so angry that they organized a walkout.

Some students heckled the protesters, waving MAGA caps at them. At the end of the day, Cielo left the school with a white friend who’d attended the protest; they passed an underclassman she didn’t know.

“Look,” the boy said, “it’s one of those f---ing Mexicans.”

She heard that school administrators — who declined to be interviewed for this article — suspended the teenager who had led the chant, but she doubts he has changed.

Reached on Instagram, the teenager refused to talk about what happened, writing in a message that he didn’t want to discuss the incident “because it is in the past and everyone has moved on from it.” At the end, he added a sign-off: “Trump 2020.”

ust as the president has repeatedly targeted Latinos, so, too, have school bullies. Of the incidents The Post tallied, half targeted Hispanics.

In one of the most extreme cases of abuse, a 13-year-old in New Jersey told a Mexican American schoolmate, who was 12, that “all Mexicans should go back behind the wall.” A day later, on June 19, 2019, the 13-year-old assaulted the boy and his mother, Beronica Ruiz, punching him and beating her unconscious, said the family’s attorney, Daniel Santiago. He wonders to what extent Trump’s repeated vilification of certain minorities played a role.

[ More than 300 Trump-inspired harassment incidents reported by news outlets from 2016-2019]

Anti-Hispanic: 45%

Anti-black: 23%

Anti-Semitic: 7%

Anti-Muslim: 8%

Anti-LGBT: 4%

Anti-Trump: 14%

[ **Note: Some incidents targeted multiple groups and, in other cases,

the ethnicity/gender/religion of the

intended target was unclear. Figures may not precisely add up because of rounding. Source: Washington Post analysis of media reports]

“When the president goes on TV and is saying things like Mexicans are rapists, Mexicans are criminals — these children don’t have the cognitive ability to say, ‘He’s just playing the role of a politician,’ ” Santiago argued. “The language that he’s using matters.”

Ruiz’s son, who is now seeing a therapist, continues to endure nightmares from an experience that may take years to overcome. But experts say that discriminatory language can, on its own, harm children, especially those of color who may already feel marginalized.

“It causes grave damage, as much physical as psychological,” said Elsa Barajas, who has counseled more than 1,000 children in her job at the Los Angeles Department of Mental Health.

As a result, she has seen Hispanic students suffer from sleeplessness, lose interest in school, and experience inexplicable stomach pain and headaches.

For Ashanty Bonilla, the damage began with the response to a single tweet she shared 10 months ago.

“Unpopular opinion,” Ashanty, then 16 and a sophomore at Lewiston High School in rural Idaho, wrote on April 9. “People who support Trump and go to Mexico for vacation really piss me off. Sorry not sorry.”

A schoolmate, who is white, took a screen shot of her tweet and posted it to Snapchat, along with a Confederate flag.

“Unpopular opinion but: people that are from Mexico and come in to America illegally or at all really piss me off,” he added in a message that spread rapidly among students.

The next morning, as Ashanty arrived at school, half a dozen boys, including the one who had written the message, stood nearby.

“You’re illegal. Go back to Mexico,” she heard one of them say. “F--- Mexicans.”

Ashanty, shaken but silent, walked past as a friend yelled at the boys to shut up.

In a 33,000-person town that is 94 percent white, Ashanty, whose father is half-black and whose mother is Mexican American, had always worked to fit in. She attended every football game and won a school spirit award as a freshman. She straightened her hair and dyed it blond, hoping to look more like her friends.

“It’s gotten way worse since Trump got elected. They hear it. They think it’s okay. The president says it. . . . Why can’t they?”

— Ashanty Bonilla

She had known those boys who’d heckled her since they were little. For her 15th birthday the year before, some had danced at her quinceañera.

A friend drove her off campus for lunch, but when they pulled back into the parking lot, Ashanty spotted people standing around her car. A rope had been tied from the back of the Honda Pilot to a pickup truck.

“Republican Trump 2020,” someone had written in the dust on her back window.

Hands trembling, Ashanty tried to untie the rope but couldn’t. She heard the laughing, sensed the cellphone cameras pointed at her. She began to weep.

Lewiston’s principal, Kevin Driskill, said he and his staff met with the boys they knew were involved, making clear that “we have zero tolerance for any kind of actions like that.” The incidents, he suspected, stemmed mostly from ignorance.

“Our lack of diversity probably comes with a lack of understanding,” Driskill said, but he added that he’s encouraged by the school district’s recent creation of a community group — following racist incidents on other campuses — meant to address those issues.

That effort came too late for Ashanty.

Some friends supported her, but others told her the boys were just joking. Don’t ruin their lives.

She seldom attended classes the last month of school. That summer, she started having migraines and panic attacks. In August, amid her spiraling despair, Ashanty swallowed 27 pills from a bottle of antidepressants. A helicopter rushed her to a hospital in Spokane, Wash., 100 miles away.

After that, she began seeing a therapist and, along with the friend who defended her, transferred to another school. Sometimes, she imagines how different life might be had she never written that tweet, but Ashanty tries not to blame herself and has learned to take more pride in her heritage. She just wishes the president understood the harm his words inflict.

Even Trump’s last name has become something of a slur to many children of color, whether they’ve heard it shouted at them in hallways or, in her case, seen it written on the back window of a car.

“It means,” she said, “you don’t belong.”

Three weeks into the 2018-19 school year, Miracle Slover's English teacher, she alleges, ordered black and Hispanic students to sit in the back of the classroom at their Fort Worth high school.

At the time, Miracle was a junior. Georgia Clark, her teacher at Amon Carter-Riverside, often brought up Trump, Miracle said. He was a good person, she told the class, because he wanted to build a wall.

“Every day was something new with immigration,” said Miracle, now 18, who has a black mother and a mixed-race father. “That Trump needs to take [immigrants] away. They do drugs, they bring drugs over here. They cause violence.”

Some students tried to film Clark, and others complained to administrators, but none of it made a difference, Miracle said. Clark, an employee of the Fort Worth system since 1998, kept talking.

Clark, who denies the teenager’s allegations, is one of more than 30 educators across the country accused of using the president’s name or rhetoric to harass students since he announced his candidacy, the Post analysis found.

In Clark’s class, Miracle stayed quiet until late spring 2019. That day, she walked in wearing her hair “puffy,” split into two high buns.

Clark, she said, told her it looked “nappy, like Marge off ‘The Simpsons.’ ” Unable to smother an angry reply, Miracle landed in the principal’s office. An administrator asked her to write a witness statement, and in it, she finally let go, scrawling her frustration across seven pages.

“I just got tired of it,” she said. “I wrote a ton.”

Still, Miracle said, school officials took no action until six weeks later, when Clark, 69, tweeted at Trump — in what she thought were private messages — requesting help deporting undocumented immigrants in Fort Worth schools. The posts went viral, drawing national condemnation. Clark was fired.

“Every day was something new with immigration. That Trump needs to take [immigrants] away. They do drugs, they bring drugs over here. They cause violence.”

— Miracle Slover, referring to Georgia Clark, her former English teacher

Not always, though, are offenders removed from the classroom.

The day after the 2016 election, Donnie Jones Jr.’s daughter was walking down a hallway at her Florida high school when, she says, a teacher warned her and two friends — all sophomores, all black — that Trump would “send you back to Africa.”

The district suspended the teacher for three days and transferred him to another school.

Just a few days later in California, a physical education teacher told a student that he would be deported under Trump. Two years ago in Maine, a substitute teacher referenced the president’s wall and promised a Lebanese American student, “You’re getting kicked out of my country.” More than a year later in Texas, a school employee flashed a coin bearing the word “ICE” at a Hispanic student. “Trump,” he said, “is working on a law where he can deport you.”

Sometimes, Jones said, he doesn’t recognize America.

“People now will say stuff that a couple of years ago they would not dare say,” Jones argued. He fears what his two youngest children, ages 11 and 9, might hear in their school hallways, especially if Trump is reelected.

Now a senior, Miracle doesn’t regret what she wrote about Clark. Although the furor that followed forced Miracle to switch schools and quit her beloved dance team, she would do it again, she said. Clark’s punishment, her public disgrace, was worth it.

About a week before Miracle’s 18th birthday, her mother checked Facebook to find a flurry of notifications. Friends were messaging to say that Clark had appealed her firing, and that the Texas education commissioner had intervened.

Reluctant to spoil the birthday, Jowona Powell waited several days to tell her daughter, who doesn’t use social media.

Citing a minor misstep in the school board’s firing process, the commissioner had ordered Carter-Riverside to pay Clark one year’s salary — or give the former teacher her job back.

[A snapshot of the harassment in 2019 ( SEE WEBSITE)]

In the three months after the president tweeted on July 14, 2019, that four minority congresswomen should "go back” to the countries they came from, more than a dozen incidents of Trump-related school bullying — including several that used his exact language — were reported in the press.

Jordyn Covington stood when she heard the jeers.

“Monkeys!” “You don’t belong here.” “Go back to where you came from!”

From atop the bleachers that day in October, Jordyn, 15, could see her Piper High School volleyball teammates on the court in tears. The sobbing varsity players were all black, all from Kansas City, Kan., like her.

Who was yelling? Jordyn wondered.

She peered at the students in the opposing section. Most of them were white.

“It was just sad,” said Jordyn, who plays for Piper’s junior varsity team. “And why? Why did it have to happen to us? We weren’t doing anything. We were simply playing volleyball.”

Go back? To where? Jordyn, her friends and Piper’s nine black players were all born in the United States. “Just like everyone else,” Jordyn said. “Just like white people.”

“It was just sad. And why? Why did it have to happen to us? We weren’t doing anything. We were simply playing volleyball.”

— Jordyn Covington

The game, played at an overwhelmingly white rural high school, came three months after Trump tweeted that four minority congresswomen should “go back” to the “totally broken and crime infested places from which they came.”

It was Jordyn’s first experience with racism, she said. But it was not the first time that fans at a school sports game had used the president to target students of color.

The Post found that players, parents or fans have used his name or words in at least 48 publicly reported cases, hurling hateful slogans at students competing in elementary, middle and high school games in 26 states.

The venom has been shouted on football gridirons and soccer fields, on basketball and volleyball courts. Nearly 90 percent of incidents identified by The Post targeted players and fans of color, or teams fielded by schools with large minority populations. More than half focused on Hispanics.

In one of the earliest examples, students at a Wisconsin high school soccer game in April 2016 chanted “Trump, build a wall!” at black and Hispanic players. A few months later, students at a high school basketball game in Missouri turned their backs and hoisted a Trump/Pence campaign sign as the majority-black opposing team walked onto the court. In 2017, two high school girls in Alabama showed up at a football game pep rally with a sign reading “Put the Panic back in Hispanic” and a “Trump Make America Great Again” banner.

In late 2017, two radio hosts announcing a high school basketball game in Iowa were caught on a hot mic describing Hispanic players as “español people.” “As Trump would say,” one broadcaster suggested, “go back where they came from.”

Both announcers were fired. After the volleyball incident in Kansas, though, the fallout was more muted. The opposing school district, Baldwin City, commissioned an investigation and subsequently asserted that there was “no evidence” of racist jeers. Administrators from Piper’s school system dismissed that claim and countered with a statement supporting their students.

An hour after the game, Jordyn fought to keep her eyes dry as she boarded the team bus home. When white players insisted that everything would be okay, she slipped in ear buds and selected “my mood playlist,” a collection of somber nighttime songs. She wiped her cheeks.

Jordyn had long ago concluded that Trump didn’t want her — or “anyone who is just not white” — in the United States. But hearing other students shout it was different.

Days later, her English teacher assigned an essay asking about “what’s right and what’s wrong.” At first, Jordyn thought she might write about the challenges transgender people face. Then she had another idea.

“The students were making fun of us because we were different, like our hair and skin tone,” Jordyn wrote. “How are you gonna be mad at me and my friends for being black. . . . I love myself and so should all of you.”

She read it aloud to the class. She finished, then looked up. Everyone began to applaud.

t's not just young Trump supporters who torment classmates because of who they are or what they believe. As one boy in North Carolina has come to understand, kids who oppose the president — kids like him — can be just as vicious.

By Gavin Trump’s estimation, nearly everyone at his middle school in Chapel Hill comes from a Democratic family. So when the kids insist on calling him by his last name — even after he demands that they stop — the 13-year-old knows they want to provoke him, by trying to link the boy to the president they despise.

In fifth grade, classmates would ask if he was related to the president, knowing he wasn’t. They would insinuate that Gavin agreed with the president on immigration and other polarizing issues.

“They saw my last name as Trump, and we all hate Trump, so it was like, ‘We all hate you,’ ” he said. “I was like, ‘Why are you teasing me? I have no relationship to Trump at all. We just ended up with the same last name.’ ”

Beyond kids like Gavin, the Post analysis also identified dozens of children across the country who were bullied, or even assaulted, because of their allegiance to the president.

School staff members in at least 18 states, from Washington to West Virginia, have picked on students for wearing Trump gear or voicing support for him. Among teenagers, the confrontations have at times turned physical. A high school student in Northern California said that after she celebrated the 2016 election results on social media, a classmate accused her of hating Mexicans and attacked her, leaving the girl with a bloodied nose. Last February, a teenager at an Oklahoma high school was caught on video ripping a Trump sign out of a student’s hands and knocking a red MAGA cap off his head.

And in the nation’s capital — where only 4 percent of voters cast ballots for Trump in 2016 — an outspoken conservative teenager said she had to leave her prestigious public school because she felt threatened.

In a YouTube video, Jayne Zirkle, a high school senior, said that the trouble started when classmates at the School Without Walls discovered an online photo of her campaigning for Trump. She said students circulated the photo, harassed her online and called her a white supremacist.

A D.C. school system official said they investigated the allegations and allowed Jayne to study from home to ensure she felt safe.

“A lot of people who I thought were my best friends just all of a sudden totally turned their backs on me,” Jayne said. “People wouldn’t even look at me or talk to me.”

For Gavin, the teasing began in fourth grade, soon after Trump announced his candidacy.

After more than a year of schoolyard taunts, Gavin decided to go by his mother’s last name, Mather, when he started middle school. The teenager has been proactive, requesting that teachers call him by the new name, but it gets trickier, and more stressful, when substitutes fill in. He didn’t legally change his last name, so “Trump” still appears on the roster.

The teasing has subsided, but the switch wasn’t easy. Gavin likes his real last name and feared that changing it would hurt his father’s feelings. His dad understood, but for Gavin, the guilt remains.

“This is my name,” he said. “And I am abandoning my name.”

Maritza Avalos knows what's coming. It's 2020. The next presidential election is nine months away. She remembers what happened during the last one, when she was just 11.

“Pack your bags,” kids told her. “You get a free trip to Mexico.”

She’s now a freshman at Kamiakin High, the same Washington state school where her older sister, Cielo, confronted the teenagers who chanted “Build the wall” at a football game in late 2018. Maritza, 14, assumes the taunts that accompanied Trump’s last campaign will intensify with this one, too.

“I try not to think about it,” she said, but for educators nationwide, the ongoing threat of politically charged harassment has been impossible to ignore.

In response, schools have canceled mock elections, banned political gear, trained teachers, increased security, formed student-led mediation groups and created committees to develop anti-discrimination policies.

In California, the staff at Riverside Polytechnic High School has been preparing for this year’s presidential election since the day after the last one. On Nov. 9, 2016, counselors held a workshop in the library for students to share their feelings. Trump supporters feared they would be singled out for their beliefs, while girls who had heard the president brag about sexually assaulting women worried that boys would be emboldened to do the same to them.

“We treated it almost like a crisis,” said Yuri Nava, a counselor who has since helped expand a student club devoted to improving the school’s culture and climate.

Riverside, which is 60 percent Hispanic, also offers three courses — African American, Chicano and ethnic studies — meant to help students better understand one another, Nava said. And instead of punishing students when they use race or politics to bully, counselors first try to bring them together with their victims to talk through what happened. Often, they leave as friends.

In Gambrills, Md., Arundel High School has taken a similar approach. Even before a student was caught scribbling the n-word in his notebook in early 2017, Gina Davenport, the principal, worried about the effect of the election’s rhetoric. At the school, where about half of the 2,200 students are minorities, she heard their concerns every day.

But the racist slur, discovered the same month as Trump’s inauguration, led to a concrete response.

A “Global Community Citizenship” class, now mandatory for all freshmen in the district, pushes students to explore their differences.

A recent lesson delved into Trump’s use of Twitter.

“The focus wasn’t Donald Trump, the focus was listening: How do we convey our ideas in order for someone to listen?” Davenport said. “We teach that we can disagree with each other without walking away being enemies — which we don’t see play out in the press, or in today’s political debates.”

Since the class debuted in fall 2017, disciplinary referrals for disruption and disrespect have decreased by 25 percent each school year, Davenport said. Membership in the school’s speech and debate team has doubled.

The course has eased Davenport’s anxiety heading into the next election. She doesn’t expect an uptick in racist bullying.

“Civil conversation,” she said. “The kids know what that means now.”

Many schools haven’t made such progress, and on those campuses, students are bracing for more abuse.

Maritza’s sister, Cielo, told her to stand up for herself if classmates use Trump’s words to harass her, but Maritza is quieter than her sibling. The freshman doesn’t like confrontation.

She knows, though, that eventually someone will say something — about the wall, maybe, or about how kids who look like her don’t belong in this country — and when that day comes, the girl hopes that she’ll be strong.

______

Julie Tate contributed to this report.

______

What is your school doing to stop politically charged bullying?

A Washington Post reporter may contact you with additional questions. We will not publish your name or what you submit below without first contacting you. We offer options to securely send information to our journalists using encrypted messaging services and email. To find out how, please go to website to fill out form.

*********

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tealbull81 · 5 years ago

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Usual Asks

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? ...I have no idea what these are.

is your room messy or clean? Messy

what color are your eyes? blue-green

do you like your name? why? Yes. Not too common and not too unique

what is your relationship status? Married

describe your personality in 3 words or less--Happy, friendly, goofy

what color hair do you have? Brown with a hidden rainbow.

what kind of car do you drive? color? ford flex--black. NOT my color choice. needs a glitter coat.

where do you shop? online and have it delivered--so much easier

how would you describe your style? Comfy. Im either in work scrubs or t-shirt and jeans/pj pants. if I ever wear regular clothes again, I’d say flower child.

favorite social media account. Tumbler. Facebook is a close 2nd cause it lets me keep in touch with my family.

what size bed do you have? King

any siblings? 2 older brothers

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Ireland. Because...it calls to me.

favorite snapchat filter? a what?

favorite makeup brand(s) I don’t wear makeup

how many times a week do you shower? 6.

favorite tv show? TBGO!! I also like Bones, Orville, and Psych

shoe size? 8.5

how tall are you? 5′3′’

sandals or sneakers? sneakers. But I prefer barefoot

do you go to the gym? HAHAHAHAHA!!! No.

describe your dream date. A walk around the lake, fishing, followed by dinner and a movie.

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? I don’t carry a wallet or purse. One more thing for me to loose track of.

what color socks are you wearing? BAREFOOT!

how many pillows do you sleep with? 3

do you have a job? what do you do? Yes, Acute Dialysis nurse. I perform Hemodialysis, peritoneal dialysis, continuous renal replacement therapy, and plasmapheresis on unstable patients admitted to the hospital.

how many friends do you have? In present life--like 3 or 4. But only 1 I do things with outside of work on a regular basis. Online, I have a few more. :)

whats the worst thing you have ever done? When I was in middle school, I took part in a group bullying incident against a really nice, but mentally delayed girl. The thought of it still makes me sick.

whats your favorite candle scent? Caramel Coffee

3 favorite boy names. Lucas, Joseph, Michael

3 favorite girl names. Britney, Mellina, Rosemary

favorite actor? Vincent Donofrio

favorite actress? Ashley Judd

who is your celebrity crush? Seth McFarlen

favorite movie? TROLLS!

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I love fanfiction, but mostly I read medical books.

money or brains? Brains

do you have a nickname? what is it? Teal.

how many times have you been to the hospital? thousands since I work there. Admitted, 8 times. 6 were for pregnancy related reasons

top 10 favorite songs. top 3--Time of your life by Greenday, Dance, and Smells like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

do you take any medications daily? zantac--for stomach acid

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) Dry

what is your biggest fear? Something happening to my children. when I was a child, it was being kidnapped.

how many kids do you want? 3.

whats your go to hair style? Bunned over pony tail

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) Bigger than average I guess, 4 bedroom, 3 bath. 5 acres.

who is your role model? My friend Kendra.

what was the last compliment you received? I was helpful

what was the last text you sent? “Temptation to stay in bed is TOO STRONG”

how old were you when you found out Santa wasn’t real? 6 maybe

what is your dream car? Minivan. No, seriously. It made my life SO MUCH EASIER!! Broke my heart to trade it in because I needed something with 4 wheel drive.

opinion on smoking? If u r over 17 and want to--I don’t care. it’s your choice. It WILL give you cancer. I don’t want my kids to breath it. But it really pisses me off when I take time out of my life and away from my family to take care of you in the hospital, and you piss all over all my hard work and your health by insisting on going outside to for a cigarette.

do you go to college? Yup, University of North Dakota. Got my degree completion at Morningside, sioux city

what is your dream job? Gastrointestinal surgeon.

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? Rural

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? yes.

do you have freckles? I WISH. I have beauty marks--which are like tiny, flat moles.

do you smile for pictures? Always. I’m always smiling

how many pictures do you have on your phone? maybe 20. it’s a new phone

have you ever peed in the woods? Sure. Hasn’t everyone been camping before?

do you still watch cartoons? Yes!!

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? I don’t have a preference

Favorite dipping sauce? Blue Cheese

what do you wear to bed? lounge pants and t-shirt

have you ever won a spelling bee? no--I’m a HORRIBLE speller. Never made it past the 1st round

what are your hobbies? I love to draw and write. I enjoy gardening, cooking, and canning. I hope to try making cheese this year.

can you draw? Yes. At least I’d like to think so.

do you play an instrument? Piano and drums.

what was the last concert you saw? Metallica with Lincoln Park and Limp Bizkit

tea or coffee? I like Tea the most. But I love overly sugared, overly creamed coffee a couple times per month

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Dunkin....for the donuts. :)

do you want to get married? I didn’t used to. But I found the right person who changed my mind

what is your crush’s first and last initial? B.M.

are you going to change your last name when you get married?

what color looks best on you? Pink. But I prefer to wear browns

do you miss anyone right now? Too many to count.

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed--keep it colder in my room and the noise out.

do you believe in ghosts? Absolutely!

what is your biggest pet peeve? when people spit... on the sidewalk. Like, DUDE!! 99 percent of the population swallow their saliva or use a Kleenex. I don’t want to step in your spit!! Gross!!

last person you called` My friend Marissa.

favorite ice cream flavor? Rainbow sherbet

regular oreos or golden oreos? Regular

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? RAINBOW!!

what shirt are you wearing? Purple special Olympics support shirt

what is your phone background? my kids

are you outgoing or shy? so outgoing.

do you like it when people play with your hair? Oh GOSH yes!!

do you like your neighbors? They are ok. i prefer no neighbors.

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? I wash when I shower. I shower at night

have you ever been high? yes

have you ever been drunk? yes

last thing you ate? Smoked Turkey breast

favorite lyrics right now “Can’t stop the feeling!!!” (I just watched Trolls)

summer or winter? Summer

day or night? night.

dark, milk, or white chocolate? milk, with white as a super close 2nd.

favorite month? April

what is your zodiac sign? Taurus

who was the last person you cried in front of? I don’t like to cry in front of people. I prefer to cry alone. I guess my husband was the last.

I tag @kate669 @toki-trolls @nickki-d-k @eva-93 @pinkaylaortiz @kinohayashi

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masonjar828 · 6 years ago

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So this is in response to an ask me thing I reblogged. Thanks @kylorenpunk for once again making me do them all 😂 but I ain’t no quitter so let’s begin shall we.

1. Selfie; as seen above

2. What would you name your future kids?; If I could have sole control of naming my kids, I’d go with Zephyr for a girl and Red Nalloh for a boy. I always liked the word zephyr and I like the palindrome name that would come from naming my son that.

3. Do I miss anyone?; I recently moved to the west coast and left a lot of close friends behind so I miss each of them every day.

4. What am I looking forward to?; I recently interviewed for a job I’m pretty excited about so I’m really looking forward to hearing new news from them!

5. Is there anyone who can make me smile?; Legit anyone who ever says or does a kind thing to me I will think about from time to time with a little grin.

6. Is it hard for me to get over someone?; I don’t have too much experience needing to do so but I feel like it takes me a normal amount of time to get back on the level after being with someone 😂😅

7. What was my life like last year?; I was a senior in college man...life was a ball of stress and sleep deprevation for months.

8. Have I ever cried from annoyance?; Not really. It honestly takes a lot to make me cry usually. BUT! Show me something with heartwarming feels and a tear or two will always come.

9. Who did I last see in person?; My aunt while we were watching a movie.

10. Am I good at hiding my feelings?; Maybe? I feel like I am but I also know my poker face is garbage so I could be suckish at hiding my feelings too haha.

11. Am I listening to music right now?; Yes! The new Greatest Showman Reimagined album and it’s utterly amazing!

12. What is something I want right now?; I want more than anything rn to hear back from some job somewhere because I’m so in need of a post-college job 😂😅

13. How to I feel right now?; Bit of a headache and fairly tired but overall pretty happy! Listening to the rain outside helps.

14. When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged me?; About 20min ago when I said goodnight to my aunt lol.

15. Personality description; I feel the best way to describe my personality is a hyperactive ball of music and useless facts who usually does anything to help my friends, usually at the expense of my sanity at times 😂

16. Have I ever wanted to tell someone something but I didn’t?; There was a time where I desperately wanted to take a risk of telling one of my closest friends just how I truly felt about her but didn’t because I didn’t want to risk ruining the friendship that meant too much to me.

17. Opinion on insecurities; They are a thing everyone experiences and should never be judged on, but I do feel like the only way to truly become better as a person is to actively work to identify and try to work on overcoming or coming to terms with them.

18. Do I miss how things were a year ago?; The constant stress, absolutely not. The friends I got to see daily and never get to see and rarely talk to anymore, all the goddamn time.

19. Have I ever been to New York?; State, yes. City, also yes. Went this past summer to see Hamilton live and my god it was one of the best shows I’ve ever experienced! ☺️

20. Favorite song at the moment?; Hardest question in the world to ask me since I listen to and love so many so songs at once. The one currently stuck in my head is Zac Brown Bands version of From Now On from the Greatest Showman Reimagined soundtrack.

21. Age and birthday; 22 and August 28th

22. Description of crush; No crushes at the current moment but I usually like women a tad shorter than me, with amazing eyes, and a personality that is fun and nerdy so we can make stupid puns and jokes to each other.

23. Fears; Only one real one and it’ll always be snakes. Fuck those venomous and scaly bastards.

24. Height; Like 5’9”-5’10”ish I think?

25. Role model; My dad for sure. He is one of the most loving and caring people I know who can be outright terrifying if he needs to be.

26. Idols; I’m not really the type to idolize anyone tbh 😅 I feel like idolization can be a tad unhealthy.

27. Things I hate; The thing I hate most in the world (apart from snakes, fuck snakes) would have to be the sound of silence (not the song I love the song). Silence weirds me the hell out and I’m not about it.

28. I’ll love you if...; I’ll basically love you if you just show you genuinely care for me and have my best interest at heart. If you do that I’ll basically fight for you til the very end.

29. Favorite films; Star Wars for a series, Airplane! for a individual movie.

30. Favorite tv shows; Brooklynn 99 is my current binge. Others tend to be Star Trek: Next Generation, Cosmos (think this is considered tv), Friends, Avatar, The Last Airbender, etc lol.

31. 3 random facts; About me I’m guessing? I can solve a Rubik’s cube in about 30sec. I can sing the lyrics to literally each and every track from the Hamilton soundtrack. And I can bake recipe for cookies I’ve had friends literally fight over blindfolded if I have the ingredients all lined out first.

32. Are my friends mainly girls or guys?; Girls mostly. Guys tend to annoy the hell out of me most of the time. Even my best friend in the world can annoy the shit out of me fairly easily 😂😅

33. Something I want to learn; How to play literally any instrument. At all. I have wanted to learn for ages but I am just not good with instruments at all.

34. Most embarrassing moment; I tend to repress my embarrassing moments a lot so the first one that comes to mind is when I was talking shit about a professors godawful and stupid teaching method after being given a test he taught us like 30% of and turning around to see him 10ft away and definitely hearing what I said 😐

35. Favorite subject; Any math or chemistry really. #chemicalengineeringlife

36. 3 dreams I want to fulfill; Fairly easy I think. Find success in an area near my family so I can stay close with them after years of being unable to. Find a partner who I can be happy with the rest of my life. And be financially stable to never need to stress about living day to day.

37. Favorite actor/actress; Actor I think Chris Pratt. Actress Anna Kendrick.

38. Favorite comedian; John Mulaney without hesitation.

39. Favorite sport; Tennis. Can’t play it for years and not love it.

40. Favorite memory; Ooh hard one. I think it would have to be the time my family went camping to a place in the middle of Nowhere, Nevada when I was younger and I was able to see each and every star in the sky like I had never been able to before. It made me start to love space and science as a whole looking into that beautiful endless abyss.

41. Favorite book; Hate this because I love reading so so much and it’s like having to choose a favorite child. I think the one I most often reread would have to be The Hobbit though.

42. Favorite song ever; Bohemian Rhapsody I would guess counts the most since it’s the one I will always go back to and enjoy. (Also if you haven’t seen Bohemian Rhapsody the movie yet it’s insanely entertaining and I recommend it hard)

43. Age I get mistaken for; With the beard grown out some age definitely mid-20s, without the beard I’ve been called 18 or younger multiple occasions.

44. How I found out about my idol; See idol question above.

45. What my last text message says; “Goodnight”, sent to a friend I was talking to as they were very close to passing out.

46. Turn ons; If you’re able to engage with me on an intellectual level and be able to just be fun and goofy with me.

47. Turn offs; Trump supporters, Naxi sympathizers, and people who refuse to accept scientific evidence for things like vaccines and climate change.

48. Where I want to be right now; In bed, which luckily I am! 😝

49. Favorite picture of my idol; See idol question above.

50. Starsign; Virgo I believe.

51. Something I’m talented at; Random useless fact storage to be used at bar trivia nights.

52. 5 things that make me happy; Being with family, listening to good music, reading a good book, baking something delicious, and long drives with deep talks with friends.

53. Something worrying me at the moment; Not getting the nice job I interviewed for after the interview going as awesome as it did.

54. Tumblr friends; I have a few friends who have tumblrs like @kylorenpunk, @thepunmaster3000, and @be-inspirational-to-others. Though any mutuals I have I would love to become more friendly with so please feel free to send me a message sometime 😂😋

55. Favorite food; Probably chicken Alfredo I think.

56. Favorite animasl; Dolphins and tortoises 🐬🐢

57. Description of best friend; Tall dude with a short trimmed beard. Musically talented in basically any instrument I can think of. Movie lover to the point of almost insanity. Funny dude who also calls me out on my extremely dumb jokes and puns all the goddamn time.

58. Why I joined tumblr; I was told about it by a friend when I needed to vent a lot and she had me make one. Vented very rarely but enjoyed the weirdness of the site.

59. Ask me anything you want (I’m guessing for who asked me this); @kylorenpunk, why the hell do you make me always do all of these? 😂😅 I don’t mind but lord does it take forever to type all this junk out.

#ask post #lots of answers #selfie #for the first time on this site I think #mutuals #feel free to message me sometime #just not these questions again #😅

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humansofhds · 3 years ago

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Chantal Sanchez, MTS ’22

“I'm from Southern California. My first time actually leaving California was to come all the way to Boston for my undergrad at Boston College. I studied physics there during my first year, until luckily, being at a Catholic school, I was forced to take theology and philosophy. That's how I fell in love with theology.”

Chantal Sanchez, MTS ’22, is a second-year MTS student studying South Asian religions and is a member of the Harvard Buddhist Community's Buddhism and Race speaker series planning committee.

From Academic Decathlon to Lifelong Passion

During my senior year of high school, I quit the softball team and joined something called “academic decathlon,” which was basically like a nerd competition. It was all the seven subjects – econ, science, math, social science, literature, music, art – and then speech, interview, and an essay. Every year, the competition focuses on a specific subject. The year I joined, it was all about India. So I learned an obscene amount about India.

At the end of that year, I graduated and started at Boston College as a physics major. We had a few key requirements, including theology and cultural diversity. When I saw there was a Hinduism class that counted for cultural diversity, I was like, cool – I just learned all about India. So I took that class, along with another in comparative Islam and Christianity. Starting with those classes, I fell in love with the study of theology. In my Hinduism class, in particular, I realized I enjoy the work. I had developed a relationship with the professor, and I was loving what we were learning. By my sophomore year, I had switched my major from physics to theology.

Fast forward to the end of sophomore year, as I was preparing to study abroad in France. I heard from my Hinduism professor that there was a study abroad in Nepal that I didn't know about. I changed my plans, and I ended up doing a language program for three weeks in India before flying to Kathmandu, Nepal, for four months of study abroad.

For the academic decathlon in high school, I had learned Indian history from the beginning of time all the way up to the current day. I remember seeing a picture of the wind palace, Hawa Mahal, when I was studying during my senior year of high school. On study abroad, I actually got to see it in real life, in Jaipur. I had learned so much from books, so much about India’s historical background, deities, and iconography. Before going there, I knew that book religion is very different than place practice, as it always is. But seeing the doctrines and beliefs I had learned about in real life was transformative.

My studies abroad solidified things for me: I would specialize in South Asian religions. Today, that's what I'm doing at HDS.

Curiosity and Faith

I grew up in a secular household. My mom was 17 when she had me, so she was a child herself. She didn’t know what religion was, and she didn't really want to force anything on us. We actually shopped around different religions, like Latter Day Saints, Jehovah's Witness, a myriad of random Christian churches in So-Cal. A lot of them were hippie types of places – just music the whole time. I think we even went to a temple. When I was 12 she told me and my sister, you guys figure it out. I'm not going to tell you what to believe.

For a while, I was just kind of neutral to religion. I felt like I respected human beings, regardless of their beliefs. But I was still curious about faith. I always wondered, what is it about people that makes them believe? I always thought about it, especially the way religion connects so many people in the world.

During my study abroad in college, I often went to the Shiva temple with my host family in Nepal. There was one random Sunday when I was on my way to meet up with some friends from school, and I had an intense need to go to the Shiva temple on my own. I thought, OK, I already know the routine: I circumambulate this tree, touch this, do this. So I did it, on my own. Stopping at the temple became part of my routine for walking to school every day.

There was another moment when I was studying at the Buddhist monastery in Nepal, where there were practicing monks of all ages. One of my teachers was actually a Buddhist monk, who taught us, verse by verse, one of their founding texts, just as if we were monks in the monastery as well. I remember once, my friend and I went down to daily puja, which means worship. This worship involved a lot of sounds. They blow horns, there's a drum, and sometimes they chant. We were sitting and meditating in this cacophony of noises, which might surprise some people who don't think that's how you practice, especially meditation-wise. But it was in that moment of being drowned by all these sounds that I found clarity. I realized this is for me.

After being at a monastery and having these experiences, I've recently fully identified as Buddhist. I have my own Buddhist shrine altar. I’m on an interesting journey.

Coming to HDS

As a first-gen college student, I didn't know anything about college. I didn't even know Boston College was Jesuit until I got there, which is ridiculous. I had a theology professor during my freshman year who really helped me figure out that college is meant to explore what you think, not just to get a job. The job will come later, she told me, as long as you find your interests.

This professor, along with my Hinduism professor and another theology professor, helped lay the stepping stones for me. That path ultimately led me to grad school.

As I geared up for grad school applications, I was looking for schools that would support my specific studies. But I also loved the Jesuit values of Boston College, which is very much whole-person oriented. That was something I had in mind as well, that I wanted an environment that would develop me as a person.

I did Diversity and Explorations in 2019, which allowed me to meet some professors and see Harvard Divinity School. Ultimately, this visit, along with my wish to specialize and have interactions with a myriad of different religions and different people, is really what solidified my decision to come to HDS.

Exploring Interests in New Ways

For my senior thesis at BC, I focused on how the participation of women in politics has grown through Hindu nationalism, which is an interesting paradox. When you look at a fundamentalist right-wing type of organization, it usually hearkens back to traditional values. The traditional values of womanhood are to stay in the home. But now you have these women who are fierce proponents of Hindu nationalist politics who are in leadership positions. It's an interesting thing to see. I explored that during my senior thesis, and I’ve explored that more at HDS. In particular, I took a religious nationalism class this past year that gave me a breadth of understanding of religious nationalism, historically and all over the world. It really put my thesis into perspective.

I think one of my favorite classes I took this past year was called Writing South Asia. It was like an everyday English literature class, but focused on South Asian writers. I got to read poetry anthologies, novels, and plays from critical South Asian authors. It was like a breath of fresh air, honestly. Outside of academics, I always read fiction. I appreciated the chance to read genres that I read on my own time in an academic context, as well as the opportunity to gain a different perspective on my studies within South Asia (in particular, a perspective from South Asian voices, rather than from academic texts written by old white men).

Another favorite this past semester was my “Introduction to Buddhist Commentaries” class with Charles Hallisey. We read an entire commentary a week, which is a lot of reading and a lot to process. But the class really helped me understand how to look at what scripture is. We asked, what is text versus scripture? What is the meaning versus my meaning? Can we even use the word scripture in terms of Eastern religions? That class really was a mind-blow.

Remote Learning, Real Challenges

I initially thought I would apply for a Fulbright to continue my undergraduate thesis research after graduation. But unfortunately, I don't know anymore. A lot of that is because of the past year of Zoom University was unkind to me. I was very depressed all this past year because of school online.

I've always been a very driven person, and school has been my life. As a first-gen college student, since I was born, that's what my whole family told me to do. Your only job was to go to college. To not know what I want any more has been a little bit rough. I'm a little lost, and I hope that going back in person, making some connections, and talking with people will help me get back on track.

But among not having a great time this whole past year, a highlight was my Hindi Professor Richard Delacy. We had Hindi class four days a week. It was the most fun, engaging online class ever.

I also enjoyed being a part of the Harvard Buddhist Community's Buddhism and Race speaker series planning committee. We helped organize an eight-month long speaker series, which we’ve been planning since September of last year. All first semester we planned, contacted speakers, and figured out the funding. Since January of this year, we’ve “hosted” one speaker a month to explore different topics relating to the large umbrella of what ‘Buddhism and Race’ entails. A focus has been how we can look at our own practice of Buddhism and the Dharma and apply that to the issue of our time: race and racism.

Looking Forward

I’m really looking forward to being able to meet people and make friends! I didn’t make many because of Zoom and I can’t wait to diversify. I am also really excited to just be a part of the greater Harvard community. In undergrad, I was always going to random events here and there if I had a spare hour and I hope to be able to do the same now. And of course, I am particularly pumped to be continuing my work with HBC’s Buddhism and Race committee as we gear up to plan a dynamic in-person event in spring of 2022!

Interviewed and edited by Gianna Cacciatore; photos courtesy of Chantal Sanchez.

#Harvard #Harvard Divinity School #buddhism #Religion #theology #large

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hellomissmabel · 7 years ago

Text

Nothing under 7 inches (3)

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Baker!Bucky x reader

Warnings: Aaaaaaaaangst

Word count: 3k

Summary: Bucky is a baker in Y/N’s hometown and with her mother’s birthday right around the corner, he’s excited to see her again. Y/N however doesn’t plan on staying for too long and aims to return to the city life, a dirty little secret getting in the way of her love life.

A/N: My prompt was “cottage”. This fic is written for @soldatbarnes her writing challenge. If you want on the tag list, please send me an ask! I can’t keep track of all the comments.

Series masterlist can be found here

Parking the car outside the house, Bucky takes a couple more minutes to just look at you, cupping your cheek so you’re looking back at him, too. You don’t say anything, your lips don’t move and your mind stop reeling for just those few seconds. But it feels like an eternity, an eternity of Bucky.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t fall in love with you again,” Bucky whispers eventually, smiling sadly at the girl in front of him. “But I guess I never fell out of love with you in the first place.”

You would’ve slapped Bucky right there and then if your mother hadn’t rushed out of the house to welcome you back. You wanted to scream at him for dropping such a bomb of emotions on you. It’s okay for him to still have feelings for you, but you can see it in his eyes that everything you say and do gives him more hope that one day you’ll reconcile and get back together. And frankly, you don’t think that day will ever come, the struggle still too great.

Turning your body away from Bucky, ready to albeit jump out of the car as anger rolls off you in thick waves, you address him very coldly as to not get his hopes up even more. “Bucky… we have to talk. I – I can’t do this now, so I’ll come by the cottage before dinner, okay? Mom said she wanted to have a quiet family dinner before the first guests show up for dessert. We can walk back to the house together.”

There’s still a certain softness to your tone, because he’s still ‘your’ Bucky. And he knows that he might’ve overstepped by confessing his love for you, but he’s just not ready to let you go. So he nods softly, his lips forming a small, tentative smile. “Okay…”

“You’re part of the family after all, Buck,” you whisper kindly as you move out of the car, “Always have been, always will be.”

The reunion with your mother is nothing short of bittersweet. She immediately pushes you to invite Bucky in, the sparkle in her eyes betraying her true intentions. When you tell her off by saying Bucky’s got some things to take care of first, her voice drops an octave as she rushes you to your old room, informing you that she hasn’t changed a thing about it.

And sure enough, your wall is still fully occupied by pictures of you and Sharon, you and some other friends, and of course you and Bucky. You also notice that your dad’s old vinyl collection has found its way to the back of your room as well, next to the speakers you used on a daily basis to drown out the worries and the darker moments.

Your mother eventually leaves you to settle down, after explaining to you how she finally managed to convince your father to wear a tie for dinner. Nostalgia then overwhelms you as you open up your suitcase and take out the dress you’ve bought just for this occasion. It’s a pretty modest dress but it also matches the colour of your mother’s eyes.

With the volume on max, you dance across your room and shake your curves to some of the songs you used to worship in high school. As you’re finishing up on your plum lipstick, “Teenage Dirtbag” is blasting through the speakers, a familiar dark-haired woman makes an appearance at your bedroom door. Gracefully she leans against the frame of the door, watching you with a playful smile tugging the corners of her lips upwards.

“PEGGY!,” you exclaim at the top of your lungs as you rush towards your sister to give hear a big bear hug. The brunet laughs heartily at her little sister’s enthusiasm and pecks your temple tenderly. “I didn’t know you were going to make it! London is such a long way.”

She shakes her head, giving you a little squeeze before taking your hand in hers and sitting you both down on the bed. “I’m so happy to see you again, Y/N. I was hoping we could talk and catch up a bit before we head down for dinner.”

Biting your lower lip, you eye her apologetically. “I promise to go get Bucky before dinner. I’m sorry but we can always talk after?”

“Bucky, hm? Are you two warming up again?,” Peggy asks, glowing with happiness at the thought of a possible reunion.

But her glee is short-lived when you look away. “We just need to talk a couple things out, that’s all. We are not getting back together.”

Peggy hears the sheer determination in your voice and decides to drop the subject, instead shifting to another, important topic she wanted to cover with you before dinner. “Y/N, has dad talked to you already? About the house?”

You lock eyes gain, giving her a puzzled look. “No. What’s wrong with the house?”

Your big sister takes her time explaining the dilemma that’s been keeping your parents busy these past few months. “This house used to support two adults and three kids. But ever since we you, Wade and I moved out, this house is just too big for just mom and dad. So they’ve been thinking of putting it on the market…”

“But -,” you start but Peggy is quicker and places a tender hand on your knee.

“They’ve already got their eyes on a cottage like Bucky’s. Which also brings the question… Does Bucky wanna stay in the cottage? If so, mom and dad are willing to sell it to him for a soft price…” Her perfect red mouth forms a sad smile. “After all, he’s part of the family, too.”

“I’ll ask him what he wants to do,” you reply as you blink your eyes in surprise. “Where are mom and dad going to move to, Peggy?”

“Washington,” she answers after a heartbeat of silence. “With me in London, Wade in LA and you in New York,… There isn’t much left to keep them here… And lots of dad’s friends like Fury and Coulson live in Washington as well.”

Opening and closing your mouth again, you decide against reasoning with Peggy. You understand that this decision has been a long time coming. Nevertheless, it hurts to part ways with the house that’s been such a warm home and shelter to you for all these years. Your sister knows this and leaves you to collect your thoughts, caressing your cheek shortly before exiting your room.

There’s a single tear trickling down your face when you get up and grab your phone, sending a quick text to Bucky to let him know you’re coming. Putting on your sneakers and saving your high heels for when you come back, you step out of the door and head down the back towards Bucky’s cottage.

It’s been his place ever since his father kicked him out at 17 and you asked your parents if your brand new boyfriend could crash there for a couple days. Your parents didn’t use the cottage anyway, unless for storage, and agreed after you promised to pass your exams with honours. But those couple days turned into weeks and into months, until you and Bucky has been going steady for a year and the cottage became his permanent residence.

Bucky’s waiting for you on the porch, his arms crossed over his chest so his dress shirt seems a litter tighter. He’s flipping his phone between his fingers and cards a hand through his hair, unaware of your presence until you’re standing right in front of him.

“Hi, Buck,” you greet him softly, resting your hand on his to shake him from his thoughts and prompt him to look up at you with those ruthless baby blues. They still rip your heart apart after all these years, their Icelandic beauty as cold as a freezer yet as warm as a ray of sunshine when they fall on you.

“Y/N,” he chuckles, straightening his back and shoving his phone in his back pocket before hugging you. The gesture catches you off guard, and you awkwardly just stand there while Bucky’s arm wrap around you like a golden cage.

Soon he notices your discomfort and quickly takes a step back, leaning against the wooden frame of the cottage. “Sorry,” he apologises quickly, eyes cast towards the ground. “Couldn’t help it.”

“We need to talk, Bucky,” you say as you nudge his shoe with the tip of your sneakers and he shoots you a small smile as he notices you’re wearing trainers under your fancy dress.

“I’ve never seen you in a dress that colour,” he comments on your outfit.

You roll your eyes at his compliment. Bucky’s never seen you in a dress like this before, apart from your prom dress and the sundresses you’d wear when you were spending your summer afternoons at the lake. Not even on your first date, when you shared milkshake after milkshake at the local diner, you wore skinny jeans and a nice sweater.

The only time you do wear a dress is when Tony asks you to. Fortunately, Bucky isn’t around to see Tony parade around with you on his arm, clad in an expensive gown he purchased for you. “It’s a special occasion,” you shrug when your hands smooth over the velvety dress. “You wanna tag along?”

Bucky follows suit as you retrace your steps back to the house, both of you waiting for the other to speak first. You send him a couple sideway glances and he clears his throat. “Y/N… About what I said in the car...”

You stop in your tracks, gazing up at him with woeful eyes. “Bucky? You know why I left, don’t you?” The brunet remains basking in the silent light of the late afternoon, searching for something that isn’t there anymore. “It wasn’t because I didn’t love you. A part of me will always love you.”

“Then why did you break up with me?,” he questions carefully, hoping still.

“I – I broke up with you because we had different dreams. All you ever wanted is a wife, kids and a bakery. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’ve always felt like there’s something more, like there can be something more out there for me. I grew up here and I loved it here, until I came to a point where I’d seen it all. I wanted to explore, I wanted to see where life outside of this town would take me. I wanted to…”

“Find yourself?,” Bucky finishes your sentence with a scoff, thinking back to the day you said your goodbyes. “Because I’ve heard that bullshit before. You’ve told me that lie before.”

“It’s not bullshit, Buck, and neither is it a lie,” you defend yourself, pulling up those walls you have been trying to break down for so long. “I regret leaving you, I regret breaking your heart. Believe me, I regret that you’re not a constant figure in my life anymore. But I would’ve regretted it more if I had stayed, if I had stayed here, forever wondering what could’ve been…”

“Y/N, I would’ve followed you anywhere! I would’ve waited for you! But instead you just dumped me like a piece of garbage. You didn’t even tell me you were leaving until an hour before the last train!”

His voice grows softer, as do his eyes as he grabs your hands in his and squeezes them gently. “You complete me, Y/N. I will never want nor love anyone else but you. You complete me, so wh1y can’t I complete you? Just tell me what I have to do to complete you.”

Tearing your hands away from his, you just stand there, seething and confused. “I don’t need anyone to complete me, I don’t need a guy to complete me. I needed to complete myself first before I could even think about settling down and having kids and doing all those things you were talking about. I just wasn’t ready. I needed to love and complete myself first.”

You can tell how much it pains Bucky to be completely honest with him, his shoulders slumped as his face falls in a morose expression. “I will never forgive you,” he mumbles under his breath, shying away from your penitent gaze.

His voice is steadier when he speaks to you directly, eyes stern and challenging. “I forgave you for leaving, because I love you. But I will never forgive you for this, because now I just…” A shuddering sigh falls past Bucky’s lips and you know it’s over. “Now you just mean nothing to me, like I seem to mean nothing to you.”

Wanting to refute his words, you cast aside the longing to run away and make a bold move instead, crossing Bucky’s path as he moves away from you and pushing hard against his chest. “Don’t you get it?!”, you scream at him with all that you have in you, not even caring if they hear you from miles away.

“I was suffocating, long before I fell in love with you!” Another shove to his torso and Bucky bounces back on the heels of his feet, astonished by the power you set behind your movements, noticing the tears streaming down your face.

“I was miserable. My brother and sister were out there living their own lives and I didn’t have anybody. Dad was a workaholic and my mother only had attention for me when she wasn’t writing on her next novel. I was fucking miserable and when I told Sharon about it, all she could say was that she’ll hook me up with some nice guy that would take my mind off things straightaway.”

Furiously you wipe away the wetness gathering in your eyes. “She’s a good friend but she didn’t understand. Even though I had friends, I felt so alone. And then Sharon introduced me to you and it seemed as if there was a silver lining for me after all.”

Bucky’s ears don’t know how to handle your confession. He didn’t know you were feeling this way, he didn’t know how deep the roots of your pain went. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. But if you just would’ve told me, I could’ve -” he whispers sadly, your hands moving of their own volition and striking him with your palm right in the face.

“Don’t feel sorry for me,” you cry out, sobbing loudly and aching for the relief of his warmth and comfort. “There is absolutely nothing you could’ve done! I messed things up! I needed to get out, I just needed to get out…”

He’s slightly taken aback by your sudden outburst, his cheek burning in the aftermath. But he doesn’t let this bring him off balance, yet he throws his arms around you and cradles your face on his chest. “I wanna go back to New York,” you sob eventually, looking up at him with teary eyes. “But I don’t want to spoil mom’s birthday party.”

Tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear, he smiles down at you. “I know. I know, Y/N. I’ll take you back first thing tomorrow morning, okay?”

You agree and stay enveloped in Bucky’s arms for a minute longer, until you can hear the happy cries of your parents when your brother Wade arrives. Slowly detangling yourself from Bucky, you press a tentative yet tender kiss to his cheek, apologising profusely. He of course says it’s nothing to worry about.

Before you go back inside, he laces one arm around your waist again to make sure you’re not bolting again. Holding you securely tucked into his side, you walk up together down the road and to the front where Wade, Peggy and your parents are waiting for you.

“I didn’t mean it,” Bucky whispers as he pecks the crown of your hair. “I still love you. You still mean the world to me. But now I understand that I have to let you go.”

A part of you is glad that Bucky didn’t cast you aside like he said he would, but another part of you feels a pang of guilt. It erupts in your chest like a bomb and it makes you feel like a wounded soldier, shell shocked and ready to accept their untimely fate. You didn’t know it would feel this way, you didn’t know that it would feel so ambiguous. You didn’t know that Bucky would still have such an effect on you.

“There she is,” your brother Wade exclaims as he launches himself at you, albeit tearing you away from Bucky and twirling you around in his arms. “My baby sister!”

The whole family bursts into hearty laughter and somewhere you find it in yourself to share in their laughter. Nevertheless, as your eyes lock with Bucky’s again, there’s a tension between you two that’s holding you back. And not just holding you back from going forward with your plan and rushing back to New York, where Tony is waiting for his princess to spoil rotten. But also holding you back from closing this chapter in your life completely.

Wade lets you ride on his back for old times’ sake and when everybody has found their designated seat at the table, yours next to Bucky as per your mother’s request, your father gives a heartfelt toast. Nobody seems to question your tears, deeming them as happy tears, as your mother and sister are moved by your father’s beautiful words as well.

But you’re not crying because of your father’s ode to your mother. You’re not crying because it’s your mother’s birthday and everybody made it back home. No, you’re crying because this will be the last time, the last time you’ll get the share a meal together with your family and Bucky. You’re crying because you’re now definitely breaking with the past and it isn’t a clean break like you’d aspired.

And even though Bucky is putting up a strong front and a straight face, too, he is slowly accepting that he’s better off without you, that he can now move on with his life. It’s a thought that over time will fill him with joy, or so you hope. You hope that every single soul at this table will find happiness in their hearts. You hope that everybody is happy.

Everybody is happy, yet you’re not.

Tagging: @avengerofyourheart @a-little-hell-to-raise @marvelingatthewonder @mrshopkirk @hardcorehippos @knittingknerdy @winterboobaer @italwaysendsinafightt @viollettes @hymnofthevalkyrie @feelmyroarrrr @justareader @austinamelio @volklana @howlingbarnes @themcuhasruinedme @theoneandonlysaucymo @caplansteverogers @amrita31199 @emilyevanston @minervaem @howlingbarnes @buchananbarnestrash @youandb @you-and-bucky @fvckingsteverogers @thatawkwardtinyperson @barnes-heaven @that-sokovian-bastard @abovethesmokestacks @marvelrevival @marvel-fanfiction @justanotherbuckydevotee @barnes-heaven @heartmade-writingbucky @buckyywiththegoodhair @captnbarnesrogers @its-not-a-phase-hux @melconnor2007 @ivvitm1109 @toofuckinfabulous @ailynalonso15 @hollycornish @delicatecapnerd @camigt1999 @learisa @curlyexpat @palaiasaurus64 @fanndas-snow-goddess @crisssivonne @yourenotrogers @tomhollandzs @beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep @aletheladyinred @bhuckys @xbergiex @reniescarlett @promarvelfangirl @capbuckybuchanan @lovemarvelousfics @yknott81 @rrwilson66 @pegasusdragontiger @salty-holographic-stickers @sammyissassy @sebstanchrisevanchickforever19 @kudosia @bellejeunefillesansmerci @lumelgy @mizzzpink @southernbellestatues @daringtodreamawake @neurotic-narwhal @cokamarie24 @blue1928 @movingonto-betterthings @breezy1415 @isnt-the-blog-youre-looking-for @jesspfly @weenie-butt @debzybrazy @fuckingchaotic @always-an-evans-addict @petersunderroos @thegreentgirl @nedthegay @eve1978 @yourtropegirl @4theluvofall @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @pineapplebooboo @curvybihufflepuff @thefridgeismybestie @supernatural508 @supernaturaldean67

Series tag list: @buckyappreciationsociety @alexaduke @incoherentsmiles @iamthemaskhewears @booksb4boys69

Strikethrough means Tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you!

#soldatbarneswritingchallenge #nothing under 7 inches part 3 #nothing under 7 inches #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fan fiction #sebastian stan #marvel #fan fiction #marvel fan fiction #avengers #james buchanan barnes #james barnes #james bucky barnes #peggy carter

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coffee-for-himchan · 7 years ago

Text

No Answer (Jongup x reader)

Requested by: @thevisionandthescarletwitch12 (Thanks!! ❤)

Word count: 4.9 k+

Genre/warnings: fluff ❤

Summary: Receiving a mysterious message from an unknown number seemed rather intriguing, but it became even more interesting when Jongup found no time to respond, and later witnessed how the person typing figured the number had no owner, and turned the chat into a personal diary to lighten the burdens of everyday life. He found himself more and more invested into reading those texts, making it a daily thing, and had a hard time not to respond. Why not? Because that would be weird. He’d been quietly reading messages for weeks already, without leaving any answer. And leaving one now seemed inappropriate. He’d missed his chance, and all he could do now was continue reading, or so he thought at first.

He looked down at the phone in his hands, staring in mild confusion to whether he should respond or not.

I found your number accidentally. Who are you? [17:28]

Accidentally? Junhong called for him to come and join practice again, so he threw another insignificant look to the phone and shoved it back into his pocket, hoping it wouldn’t fall out mid-song like the few other times it did after his rapid spins and turns all through the choreo. With lazy yet graceful movements, he was back in formation, and took only another moment to consider the possibilities of how his number ended up in a stranger’s hands before starting practice.

And then suddenly it hit him hard.

“Jongup-ah, what are you doing!?” Himchan crashed into him, and only then he realized he’d stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of a dance break.

“I’m thinking.”

“Can’t you move and think at the same time?!” Junhong, perhaps, called out while chuckling, but Jongup wasn’t sure - he didn’t really catch onto the speaker’s identity. He had realized a significant detail from sometime last week that could stick to the puzzle, and needed a minute to consider how stupid his assumptions were.

“I ain’t a multitasker,” he said, and with that, was gone with the wind, wandering out of the room to lean against the wall of the hallway.

“I found your number accidentally. Who are you?”

He was Moon Jongup, if he wasn’t mistaken. And he was also a guy who was close to blackout drunk last week, stumbling along the streets with a few old friends only he knew, making small, insignificant mistakes along the way and laughing tons meanwhile as well.

It was stupid, actually. But he figured he wasn’t the brghtest in the head anyways.

“Let’s see who’ll find it,” his friend giggled, scrapping a few digits on pieces of paper, and happily letting them sail away in the rather strong wind while standing in a place you could see the whole city from. He recalled being beyond happy and giggly about this idea, supporting it fully with his other two friends in their drunken states.

“Might get yourself a date like that.”

Or trouble, he figured. But he figured too late, as it’s been a week, and he had finally gotten a “lucky” message. He also wondered if any of the other guys did.

“Stop being a weirdo and come back in. Thinking time is over,” Youngjae presented himself well in the same old sarcastic fashion, leaning out of the doorway and trying to get Jongup back in so they could finally be finished for the day. And, understanding he’d better obey and put everyone’s tired minds out of their misery, he joined them again, pouring sweat and panting lightly for another half an hour before finally departing from the rest and going his own way.

Not that the text was of no significance, not at all. Jongup simply had a different mindset, and was someone to forget things easily. And half an hour of dancing was enough for him to forget completely about all that had happened, and also forget to answer. Hell, he didn’t even care to respond to his hyung’s messages sometimes, so this was simply something he wasn’t that good at. Texting.

He only recalled it when it was too late and inappropriate to respond.

“Should I?” he contemplated, sneaking around the dorm’s kitchen and making hot chocolate at 2 AM, clearly knowing sleep wasn’t his priority but a nice, warm chocolatey drink was. Sleep was Himchan and Youngjae’s priority though, and “nagging mom” and “sarcasm ball” weren’t the ones he wanted to disturb from sleeping peacefully. This was his chance to get some nice, peaceful alone time.

“I’m Moon Jongup.” Would that be.. Appropriate?

It probably wouldn’t. He figured he still was an idol, and even though he thought there were slim chances the person texting him could possibly know who he was, he still hesitated. If he’d ask anyone from the company, they’d tell him off immediately. And possibly even call him stupid, telling him to be cautious with whom he gives his number to.

So scrapping the thought, he quietly sneaked back to his room to do some 2 AM internet browsing. It’s not like he had to respond anyways, but curiosity killed him to know who was on the other end of the line. He figured he’d think of something, and eventually would respond. But later.

Later turned out to be never.

He wasn’t of fault for being a busy man with a short memory and attention span. He already got dragged from schedule to schedule by Himchan, basically serving him as an accessory or handbag, because otherwise he wouldn’t remember to come and would wander off to be present somewhere else. If he couldn’t remember all of that, how could he remember about a mysterious text?

Does this number even belong to anyone? [22:34]

When he saw the message though, he recalled. It had been about a week already, and he figured he was still curious. Yet his fingers stopped him from typing when he saw the three animated dots, indicating something more was being typed on the other end, and would soon pop up on the screen.

Well.. I guess it doesn’t. [22:56]

He chuckled. He was just as quick to make assumptions as the person typing, and for some reason, that was intriguing. First thing in common, and it had been three lone texts. This could actually evolve to be interesting.

Today was an awful day, by the way. [22:57]

He leaned back, looking at the stream of messages that followed. One every other minute, being a detailed explanation of a rather bad day. Troubles at work and with studies. Misunderstandings with friends and even family. God, he really found himself feeling sorry for whoever it was that managed to have such an unfortunate day.

But once again, as he wanted to type, he realized he was unable to do it. Wouldn’t that be creepy? Now, after all this whole heartfelt and emotional storytelling, all of a sudden he would say something really out of place. “Hey, this number indeed has an owner”, “Cool story, but quite sad tbh. Are you alright?” - all the potential responses seemed rather dumb to him. The worst one by far being “Hey, so, I was just sitting and reading, but figured I wanted to talk to you actually. I’m Jongup.”

This helps, actually. [23:31]

He heard the swooping sound, and glanced back to the device, tracing his fingers ever so lightly over the screen. What helped? Typing out things that bothered? Maybe, and right as he figured he understood, he got the response.

It’s crazy, but it helps a little. I’ll call you my new, non-existent friend, number without owner. And maybe I’ll message you. [23:33]

He was quite existent, actually, and he was more than curious to how this could unfold. He thought it was interesting, maybe even cute. And a little creepy, but.. Did anyone have to know? Not really. So he convinced himself it was fine, and he let it happen.

“See ya, new friend,” he chuckled with a smile, and put his phone down, wandering out of his room too meet with needy hyungs who had been calling him for a while already. He swore, if he’d hear the phrase “Jongup-ah, bring me my phone! I don’t know where it is though, but find it!” one more time, he’d move out.

It was days and days of simple, diary-like texting, and he once found himself looking back on the stream of messages, figuring it had been weeks already. Maybe even a month, actually. But he didn’t mind. In fact, after an insignificant amount of time had passed, he had gotten used to it, and couldn’t picture his life without an occasional message every here and there anymore. It had become part of the daily routine.

Her name was (Y/N), so much he knew, and she was the sweetest yet most problematic person he’d ever met. Well, “met” only technically. He hadn’t met her in real life, but he still felt like he knew a bunch about her in a.. non-creepy way. This really didn’t feel creepy to him. It just felt strange. Or rather unusual.

Aaand I do not know how to manage now. I’ve got a week left, and still 30 pages to write. Too bad I didn’t start writing earlier. [19:44]

But I’m a stupid mess, so I’m allowed to make mistakes. [19:44]

He chuckled at the familiar sentence, knowing he’d used it on himself thousands of times. But he also knew that when it came to her, she was far from being stupid. Her conversations with this non-existent friend in the form of a phone number she thought belonged to no one, but in reality was his, made her seem like a lovely, kind, but over all intelligent person. And he found himself lying in bed and smiling at his phone like an idiot.

“You’ll do great,” he quietly said to himself, surprised at how truly he wanted her to succeed, “Because you’ve been studying hard for ages. More than I’ve ever studied all together, to be honest.”

And the more time passed, the more he understood how much he truly cared.

He cared every evening he lied in bed and watched the message streams coming by. He traced his fingers over the phone screen, and desperately wanted to respond. He weirdly found himself hurting every time she had a hard time, and simply wanted to go and do something about it. He didn’t even know who she truly was, or how she looked or anything. Yet this diary-type conversation she typed out to no one but herself every evening made him believe he knew enough to find a liking in her. She was funny and her personality was overall cute. She had a heart big enough to fit the whole world into it, and sometimes he imagined he could find a place there as well. He wanted to get to know her actually, because he thought she was interesting. Yet every time he was about to type something, he froze dead in his tracks.

After all this time, it would be weird to respond. And he didn’t want to weird her out or scare her away. He simply wanted to actually meet her and get to know her.

“What are you grinning about?” Youngjae asked one morning, catching Jongup completely off-guard and making him realize how he once again was staring at the phone and chuckling about seemingly nothing.

“Yeah. Something’s been off for a while already,” Himchan called from behind the stove, walking around with two plates in hand a second later and handing one to Youngjae, “You’re never really abandoning your cereal for anything.”

“Spit it out,” Youngjae budged, and when Himchan had made his way around the breakfast bar and sat across the latter two, it felt like it was maybe time to say something. But right as Jongup opened his mouth to talk, Youngjae frantically interrupted.

“Not the cereal, by the way - don’t spit that out, keep that in your mouth or in the bowl, will ya? I’m talking about the reason you’d been grinning like a madman at mysterious stuff in your phone for weeks.”

“So.. This might sound weird..”

“Like everything else involving you. Nothing new,” Youngjae cheekily remarked, leaning on his hand and choking on his food just a second later because he was too focused on talking and didn’t care to properly chew his food.

“That’s what you get Youngjae-ah for interrupting your friend and challenging the universe,” Himchan remarked, chuckling lightly and turning to face Jongup, “Continue. I’m curious.”

And he told the whole story. About the on-paper phone numbers thrown from a high point in the city, and how he actually received a message after some time. And the weird further events, where the girl on the other end of the line supposed the number belonged to no one, and never stopped typing, gifting him with a diary of her biggest issues and the brightest moments of her life.

“And so you simply keep sitting around and reading everything she types?”

“Yeah, kind of-”

“What a creep,” Youngjae laughed out, making Jongup feel generally ashamed about the whole situation.

“Yeah, I have to admit, it is a little creepy. But at the same time, it’s so absurd, yet.. I don’t know how to say. Somewhat beautiful?”

“In which way, hyung?” Youngjae laughed at Himchan, yet kind of understood his point.

“I don’t know, think about it. He knows so much about her, and she doesn’t even know he exists. Okay, that indeed sounds bad, but let me turn it around. I can imagine it already.”

“A cold winter night,” he extended his arms to both sides, making the youngers laugh at his theatrical, dramatical stare that was directed into the distance, “Don’t laugh, just picture it. A stormy night, and she’s walking home alone. Left to be completely lonely by everyone but the howling, harsh wind-”

“You should do acting, hyung,” Younjae kept laughing, cracking up even more after the casual response of “I know, right?”

“And he emerges from the shadows - our Jongup-ah. The hero of the night, who approaches and lovingly tells her all. ”(Y/N), come with me, and everything will be alright,“ he will say, and she won’t have time to question, because in her pain and despair, he will be her only light. So she will put her hand in his and they will run off into the sunset-”

“You mean sunrise. It was already nighttime in your setting of the story.”

“Yes. Pardon,” he announced, his pronunciation almost on point, “The sunrise. But you get the idea.”

“Oh stop it, hyung,” both of them turned to face a rather embarrassed and blushing Jongup, “That’s never gonna happen.”

“Don’t try to tell me you’ve never thought about it,” Youngjae kept teasing.

“I feel like we’re gossip girls or something right now, talking about this the way we do,” Himchan chuckled lightly, and hit the back of Youngjae’s head playfully, getting up from his spot, “Okay, as always. I cook, you wash up.”

“But hyuuuuung.”

“You can always eat cereal like Jongup-ah instead, if you’re not satisfied with this distribution of duties,” Himchan called from somewhere far away, making Youngjae pout one more time before he got up to do as told, “Although, then you’d have to wash up as well. So it’s a no-win situation for you.”

Jongup stayed in place, glancing at the phone one more time as he heard the familiar, at this point already exciting swooping sound.

And now I missed breakfast, all because of that other research paper that I managed to wrap up only earlier this morning. But maybe it’s even convenient. I guess I’d need to go on a diet anyways. [08:51]

She didn’t, he was certain. She sounded like someone who would constantly criticize no one but herself, and one day he will come up to her and tell her to cut it. Take her out and eat cupcakes or something, and tell her how lovely she was at heart, and at face as well. He was convinced she was beautiful, because everyone who was this beautiful at heart had to be beautiful on the outside as well.

And beauty wasn’t measurable by the size of the waist anyways, right?

Time kept passing, and he kept sitting around and reading. From time to time either Himchan or Youngjae would budge him about it, and poke at him, telling him he had to do something in return. But he only ever answered that he wasn’t good at holding conversation, and rather wanted to simply stay and read.

“Don’t let it slide,” they’d say, but he was hard to convince to act in any way that would reveal himself and who he was. But that didn't mean he didn’t try to communicate with her in other, different ways.

She’d had flowers delivered to her university, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink as they were handed to her and a dozen of jealous girls threw all types of glances her way. Yet she never found out where those flowers came from, since there was no sender’s name left behind. Only a note with neat handwriting on it, saying “non-existent friend”, and she couldn’t quite tie her mind around it. Little surprises continued to await her at every corner - even at a place like her favorite coffee shop - and she found herself wondering who had been kind and generous enough to gift her with all of it. And who even knew enough about her to get something such ad her favorite flowers or chocolates or anything else right.

It all silently continued on the same way, until a particular evening when he found himself lying on his bed again, waiting for the message stream, yet nothing came up. And he was left alone, without company in the evening or any clue of what had happened to her.

He told himself it was nothing at first. She was away somewhere. Out with family, perhaps? Or maybe friend? Although he knew she lived rather far from family, and had only few friends. He was laying around, waiting, and eventually he fell asleep like that, just to wake up the next morning and find nothing but Instagram notifications and cat videos sent to him by Himchan.

Nothing from her. Not even a single message. And as this continued every evening from then on, he became convinced she was gone. Probably forever.

It bothered him. Had something happened, or was she simply busy? She was always busy, or so she stated, yet somehow she was always able to find time for typing. But not in the past weeks, as he was met with total and utter silence from her end of the line, ans finally understood how she must’ve been feeling about this whole thing.

Receiving nothing. It indeed was horrible. And maybe if he would’ve revealed himself to her, she would’ve still been a part of his life.

Only now he figured how truly.. alone he was without her company. It all seemed unreal and unusual, yet he had found peace and comfort in her stories. Her life differed from his significantly, and he figured he was quite interested in her daily life and the things she did. He found it to be a little vacation for his mind for when it was tired of running circles, as reading her stories was always like a little treat of the day. That is, until it all disappeared.

And reappeared after what seemed almost a month already. Or rather eternity, judging by his point of view and perception of time.

I can’t do it anymore. [00:01]

The lone message scared him, and as another long-gone and much missed message stream started blowing up his phone, he sat tight and read carefully, not to miss a single detail.

And then he realized she was crying out for help. To no one but an empty space.

It hurts. Everything does, and I wish it would’ve went down another way. [00:02]

She was talking about her family situation, her studies, relationships and everything else. Everything had seemingly crumbled at this one moment, and he was genuinely worried about her. He only barely knew how it was to feel down and be alone at those moments, since he was usually used to having someone around to help. And he figured this would be a long, boring night for him anyways if he decided to let i slide. Even if this was a mistake, he wasn’t the brightest in the head, so he was allowed to make mistakes every now and then.

I swear, this is the only nice place left in Seoul. I seem to hate everything else at this point already. [00:04]

He glanced at the few further words, trying to recall the location she named and eventually being able to do so. The city was beyond big, but this place she was at wasn’t far away, and that was by far the luckiest coincidence of the week, or maybe even the whole month. And since life had been nice to him and he had been gifted with a location, he simply got up, put his shoes and coat on and headed for the door.

“It’s late, Jongup-ah. Where are you leaving to?”

He turned a little to face Himchan who had just stumbled out of the living room at the wrong time, his “I was napping just a second ago” face going strong. Jongup simply threw him a barely-there smile, and stepped out of the apartment, closing the door behind himself lightly and leaving Himchan alone and confused in the dimly lit hallway.

“To meet a friend.”

It was surprisingly easy to find her, as there was only one person around, and he lingered a little longer as he saw an unfamiliar frame in the place she should’ve been at. He simply feared to be called a creep and get into trouble for it all.

“(Y/N)?”

He saw her turning slowly, throwing him a puzzled glance as she tried to process. And he had to admit that he needed a moment to process as well.

He had imagined her to be beautiful, but this view in front of him was better than any of the images his imagination had created on it’s own with only knowing mere facts she’d slipped in conversation. Her hair fell beautifully, lightly covering her face and her soft features that got highlighted by the street lights to make it even more graceful. Her brows slightly furrowed in confusion as she looked at the rather lost, young man in front of her. And the way she tried to remember who he was, but found herself to be clueless.

“Sorry if I sound rude, but.. I can’t quite recall you,” she quietly said, and only now he noticed she’d been crying.

“Who are you?”

Instead of getting a reply, she saw him shyly fiddling around his pockets to pull out his phone. And with a few taps, swipes and no additional conversation or explanations, his hands extended towards hers, offering her to take the phone.

And she did, not questioning and simply looking down on his hands, her fingers sliding lightly over his as she took the device and threw it a glance.

He inspected her face, and wondered what would happen. A feeling of uneasiness had spread all across his gut, and he simply waited for her verdict. For anything really, as he saw a little crease forming between her eyebrows, indicating she had understood what she was looking at.

“These are my messages..” she quietly muttered, observing the screen with extra care as realization suddenly hit like a train and she stared back at him with a puzzled look.

“I thought that number was…”

“Abandoned? Yeah, not really,” he scratched the back of his head looking away in embarrassment.

He watched her from the corners of his eyes though, and saw she was clueless on what to say and what to do next. He didn’t blame her at all - he was quite puzzled himself in theses types of situations, this one being an extremely unusual case. But at least she hadn’t ran away from him yet, which was somewhat comforting.. Right?

“I’m.. I’m sorry for never giving you a response,” he looked back at her with an unsure glance, yet found comfort in the way she simply listened, without interrupting or anything. He was a stranger, but she could see through him with her beautiful, intelligent eyes, and knew he meant no harm and was nervous, having troubles at explaining himself. So she simply listened.

“I wanted to. But I had schedules..” he looked somewhere away, snapping back and clarifying after a moment, “Working schedules, that is.”

“And I kind of forgot. Until the evening you started typing a whole stream of messages.. My phone kept buzzing, and I read it all, wanting to type something in return. But then I felt.. I don’t know.. Quite ashamed, or maybe even awkward to respond? You had poured your whole heart out there, and it would’ve been stupid to just type back something like “Yeah, nice story. I’m Jongup, by the way, and not a non-existent friend-”

“Non-existent friend..” he saw her recognizing the name, and felt rather stupid for having said that. Looks like she had a rather good memory, and it had just been sparked to recall all the little things he had treated her with.

“Are you behind all of the small surprises?” a mix or utter surprise and shock alongside mild happiness was displayed on her face, and he simply wanted to hide away as he felt his cheeks turning a bright shade or red.

“Well, kind of..”

“This is so.. unbelievably absurd,” he heard her chuckling, and suddenly felt the strong desire to wrap this whole explanation up for once and forever, sparing himself the painful mild awkwardness.

“Listen,” his hand unconsciously reached for hers, and she mildly flinched, yet didn’t pull away as she saw he was too far away from this world to react properly anyways, “I know it sounds creepy, but every time you were typing something, I was sitting on the other end of the line and reading. I found out a lot about you that way, and.. Figured you’re such a nice person. I really like you, actually, and all these issues you have to face all the time that constantly keep bringing you down aren’t worth it.”

“You’re so kind and so nice, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise,” he was looking right into her eyes, making her blush as he spoke shamelessly, pouring everything out of his heart, saying the truth when it need to be said, “And since you’d been having a hard time, I figured I could brighten it at least somehow.. I mean, you sounded happy about the flowers and everything, so I just continued doing it..”

“And why did you never tell me you were there, reading it all?” she said, and he suddenly glanced at their intertwined hands, pulling his away shyly and causing her to chuckle lightly.

“I was, I don’t know.. Anxious to come off weird. Or scare you away.”

“Scare me away?” she suddenly giggled, and he felt how she pinched his cheek a littleonly seconds later, “You’re cute and not scary.”

“Well.. Y-you wouldn’t be able to know that if I’m b-behind a phone screen..” he found himself stuttering at her braveness and the way she wasn’t ashamed to do what she desired, “But yeah, I’m not scary. Just a regular guy, making bad decisions and good mistakes.”

“Good mistakes?” she questioned, starting to walk off. He felt a light tug to his sleeve before her fingers disconnected from his coat, and took it as an indicator that she wanted him to come along as well.

“Yeah,” he chuckled, tucking his hands into his jeans pockets and following closely, “We were out with friends that night, feeling quite tipsy. Thought it would be funny to write our numbers on paper and let them sail with the wind to see if someone would find them and contact us afterwards. So, like a "message in a bottle” type of thing, just less well thought-out and exciting.“

"Sounds like fun-”

“I’m not an alcoholic, by the way. That was just an occasional drink,” she laughed out loud at that, seeing how he wanted to come off as truly nice to her and wanted to leave a good first impression desperately, and simply nodded in agreement.

“J-jongup, right?”

“Yes. I’m Moon Jongup.”

“That’s a cute name, actually.”

“Thank you. Your’s better though.”

And they walked the night away, silently chuckling as the moon shone above their heads, highlighting the shadows their frames cast on the pavement in the most beautiful ways. He was glad she didn’t think of him as a complete weirdo, and found himself liking her a lot, actually. The mere sight of her picture perfect features had him mesmerized, and he scolded himself for behaving like an animal when his mouth started slightly watering at the sight of her nicely shaped lips moving and causing beautiful sounds to come out of her mouth that unconsciously crawled right through his ears, but refused to leave his mind completely once they had gotten in.

He’d indeed imagined her to be amazing. But this had topped all expectations.

And by the end of the night, he was sure - this weird and fuzzy feeling he felt at the pit of his stomach was indeed attraction. Attraction towards someone who was far from being a stranger to him, even though he was a stranger to her.

“And how comes you found me today?”

He turned to her, knowing she’d just said she had to get going and would be away in minutes, and smiled his brightest smile, causing her to melt a little at how genuinely mood lifting his smile happened to be.

“You typed where you were. And after I’d read about all of your troubles.. You know, I didn’t want you to feel alone..”

“I most definitely didn’t tonight,” she said, and with that, walked up to give him an embrace that lasted way too little.

“It’s weird, but I like it,” she whispered, face buried in his coat, and was gone within seconds, leaving him to stand alone and process all that had happened.

“Please, respond from now on.. Existent friend,” he heard her voice rather faintly in the distance, and answered too silent for her to hear, rather saying it to himself.

“I sure will.”

And he did now every now and them, smiling as she encouraged him to tell her more about himself, since he knew all he needed to know about her for the start, but she was clueless on many things regarding him. The tiny surprises never stopped, and neither did her gratefulness for them. Late night walks had become a regular thing, and even thought Youngjae and Himchan’s teasing could become close to unbearable at times, he knew his never-ending indefinite suffering was worth it.

He wasn’t just attracted to her. He really, really liked her, and since a thing he didn’t like was waiting around for too long, he decided to let her know just after a month of actually being acquainted, using another bouquet of flowers to send a message instead having to type it out.

She looked at the neat handwriting on the card, and smiled down on it.

“Who keeps sending you all these flowers?” a friend of hers asked, and she simply laughed in return.

“Someone I really like,” she traced her fingers over the location written on the note, and looked at her friend, “Someone who has become the most beautiful coincidence in my life so far.”

And as she came by to meet him that evening, dressed to impress in her prettiest clothes even though her personality alone already made his heart skip a beat, he didn’t greet her with a “hello”, with a wave of his hand or a hug that lasted a little too long to be considered simply friendly appropriate. He greeted her with a question that mattered to him instead.

“Can I kiss you?”

And all she could do was give him a shy nod before she felt his frame pressing against hers lightly, his arms wrapping around her tightly as he leaned in and lingered before her lips for a little, cautiously pecking them once a second later.

But once was far from being enough, and soon she found her hands trailing to rest on his cheeks, tracing circles in a relaxing and calm fashion as she felt herself being lifted up to heaven. Her feet did in fact disconnect from the ground a little as he pulled her up, leaving her to barely reach the ground on her tippy toes as he supported all of her weight on his bare arms. Yet that was of no importance as he was giving her kiss after kiss, going at a soft, slow pace, making sure it was comfortable and pleasurable beyond anything else. But he had to admit that he was faced with a hard time when holding her like that. The mere touch of her lips had already made his knees weak, and he had to use all his strength not to fall apart and collapse right there and then. Who knew she was this damn intoxicating and addicting?

“You look stunning,” he complimented as he pulled away, and she chuckled, hiding her face in the crook of his neck immediately.

“I’m blushing already, Jongup-ah. Don’t. I’m not used to this.”

“I will continue nonetheless, sorry not sorry. From now on even more, since you have to get used to it. That’s how it’s going to be now.”

And as they walked off that night, with the stars once again shining bright above them and lighting the way, she was glad about all that had happened. With his fingers tangled in between hers, and his calming voice throwing out savage or sometimes simply adorable commentary, there was nothing more she could ever wish for. She knew there were still a thousand different things she didn’t know about him, yet that didn’t bother her, as she believed she’d find out along the way. And she knew it was all unusually absurd, but couldn’t help but take his sudden presence in her life as a sing.

She glanced up at him and made him throw her a questioning look.

“Want to say something?” he questioned, and saw her considering, just to nod afterwards, “You’ve got my whole attention. I’m listening.”

“Thank you for never telling me off and reading through all my babbling,” she blurted out, and made him smile, “And thank you for caring for me, and eventually coming to check on me back then. I..”

“..you?” he chuckled after the little pause she’d made, as he wanted to know the continuing from the depths of his heart.

“I like you a lot, Jongup-ah. And I’m so grateful to have met you.”

And that’s all he’d been wanting to hear for a while, so he smiled in return, and, just because he could, leaned down to press another quick, loving peck on her lips, leaving her to let out a soft sound of disapproval as his lips disconnected from hers a little too soon.

“I like you too, (Y/N). You’re the best coincidence that had ever happened to me,” he chuckled, and wrapped his arms around her, figuring she should get all she ever wanted. Which, in this case, was a dose of him. And he was more than ready to offer it all to her, leaning back down to seal the unnecessary gap between himself and her with yet another kiss that displayed it all.

He was beyond grateful. And he truly wanted to try this out and stay with her.

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kayluh1915 · 4 years ago

Text

103 (?) Questions Answered.

I know this isn’t how this “game” works, but I had him on my mind and I needed a distraction. So, here’s 103 questions about me answered... I think. I’m pretty sure I numbered it wrong somewhere, but I don’t have the mental strength to fix it right now. Enjoy all of this completely useless information! It helped me forget, at least for a while.

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify.

2. Is your room messy or clean? Clean…ish... most of the time...

3. What color are your eyes? Sea foam blue-green.

4. Do you like your name? why? Yes. IDK, I guess it just sounds pretty.

5. What is your relationship status? Engaged.

6. Describe your personality in 3 words or less. Witty, absent minded, empathetic.

7. What color hair do you have? Dark Brown.

8. What kind of car do you drive? color? I don't have a car yet.

9. Where do you shop? Walmart mostly.

10. How would you describe your style? Girly casual.

11. Favorite social media account? Tumblr.

12. What size bed do you have? Queen.

13. Any siblings? One blood younger bother and one adopted younger sister.

14. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Why? Japan because I love their culture.

15. Favorite Snapchat filter? It’s an old one and I don’t think it’s there anymore, but the butterfly crown.

16. Favorite makeup brand(s)? Maybelline and Covergirl. I don’t like to spend a lot of money on makeup.

17. How many times a week do you shower? Three to four.

18. Favorite TV show? Avatar: The Last Airbender.

19. Shoe size? 7½ US

20. How tall are you? 5’0

21. Sandals or sneakers? Sandals!

22. Do you go to the gym? Occasionally. Been meaning to start going more.

23. Describe your dream date A day in Disney or Hawaii.

24. How much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? Bold of you to assume I have money at all.

25. What color socks are you wearing? I'm barefoot at the moment.

26. How many pillows do you sleep with? Only one. I hate a crowded bed.

27. Do you have a job? What do you do? Currently unemployed at the moment due to certain circumstances.

28. How many friends do you have? I have a lot of friends, but only about six or seven close ones.

29. What’s the worst thing you have ever done? I used a guy’s feelings for me to get free food. I know that sounds bad, but they were aware that I was dating my fiancé and they were supposed to be getting married themselves, but still continued to try and pursue me anyway. Figured I may as well get a Big Mac and some Pepsi out of it.

30. Whats your favorite candle scent? Vanilla!

31. Three favorite boy names? Eric, Mason, and Xander.

32. Three favorite girl names? Brielle, Brooklyn, and Scarlett.

33. Favorite actor? Adam Driver.

34. Favorite actress? Jennifer Lawrence.

35.Who is your celebrity crush? Well, I just found out that he’s secretly been a manipulative monster all this time… so no one right now.

36. Favorite movie? Titanic.

37. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book? I hardly ever read “traditional” literature, but among the ones I have read my favorites are Hatchet and Bud not Buddy.

38. Money or brains? Brains.

39. Do you have a nickname? What is it? Usually just Kay. My Papaw used to call me Booch. I don’t know where he got it or why he called me that, but he did. He passed away in 2013, though, so no one calls me that anymore.

40. How many times have you been to the hospital? Admitted? About 5 or 6 times. Visited? More than I can count.

41. Top 10 favorite songs? These change on a regular basis, but for now they are:

43.Do you take any medications daily? I take a total of 4 medications every night before bed

44. What is your skin type (oily, dry, etc)? Combination.

45. What is your biggest fear? This is going to sound childish, but the dark. Well, I guess it’s not actually the dark its self that scares me, it’s knowing that there could be something standing less than five feet in front of you and you’d have no way of knowing. It’s more of what could be hiding in the dark than the actual dark.

46. How many kids do you want? Zero, zip, nadda.

47. Whats your go to hair style? Braid for a day or two then down until I wash my hair again.

48.What type of house do you live in? Small-medium apartment.

49. Who is your role model? I really look up to my old band teacher a lot. He always has something inspiring to say and makes you feel like you can conquer the world.

50. What was the last compliment you received? I was told that I was super kind and sweet.

51. What was the last text you sent? “Well, if I ever play it with you you’ll get to hear me freaking the fuck out. 😂😂😂”- Sent to my buddy James when he told me about Phasmophobia.

52. How old were you when you found out Santa wasn’t real? My mom never told us that Santa was real to begin with. She felt like lying to us was wrong so she just… told us straight up.

53. What is your dream car? Just your typical, modern Chevy or Nissan. I don’t really want anything flashy, just something that can get me from point A to point B in comfort.

54. Opinion on smoking? I've lost three of my four grandparents to smoking induced lung cancer. One of those was my Mamaw who I watched cough up her lungs through a tube when I was only six. Don’t fucking do it.

55. Do you go to college? I did at one point. Hoping to return one day.

56. What is your dream job? Running my own YouTube channel or marching band… or both. Being an Achievement Hunter doesn’t sound like a bad gig either.

57. Would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? Suburbs. People love the rural lifestyle until they hear about these new, hip things like Uber, Grub Hub, on time delivery, and fast internet.

58. Do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? Are you… not supposed to?

59. Do you have freckles? Nope.

60. Do you smile for pictures? Usually, yes.

61. How many pictures do you have on your phone? 570. Had a shit ton more, but I backed them up to my Google account and freed up a bunch of space.

62. Have you ever peed in the woods? I grew up in the middle of redneck county where camping is an extension of one's self… of course I have.

63. Do you still watch cartoons? ...Duh?

64. Do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonald's? Mick D's!

65. Favorite dipping sauce? Ranch or honey mustard.

66. What do you wear to bed? Panties and a large nightshirt.

67. Have you ever won a spelling bee? Hell no. I can spell, but not unless I’m writing it.

68. What are your hobbies? Playing the trumpet, singing, sewing, writing, cooking, and video games.

69. Can you draw? Can pigs fly?

70. Do you play an instrument? Yes! I play trumpet (as mentioned earlier), flute, and piano.

71.What was the last concert you saw? I've never been to a concert unless you consider all the choir and band concerts I've participated in over the years.

72. Tea or coffee? Coffee.

73. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Starbucks.

74. Do you want to get married? Currently engaged, so yes.

75. What is your crush’s first and last initial? WI

76. Are you going to change your last name when you get married? Yes.

78. What color looks best on you? Red.

79. Do you miss anyone right now? Oof… too soon… Well, I miss the person I thought he was, not him... does that count?

80. Do you sleep with your door open or closed? Open. If my cats can’t sleep with me, they bring hell.

81. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes… and no. It’s hard to explain.

82. What is your biggest pet peeve? Someone telling me to go do something when I'm already doing it or was on my way to do it.

83. Last person you called? The fiancé.

84. Favorite ice cream flavor? Moose Tracks or Vanilla.

85. Regular Oreo's or golden Oreo's? Regular double stuffed or nothing.

86. Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? Rainbow.

87. What shirt are you wearing? My old marching band shirt.

89. What is your phone background?

Created by this artist.

90. Are you outgoing or shy? Depends on situation. If I'm comfortable, I'm outgoing. If I’m not, I'm quiet and shy.

91. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yes, but my hair is curly and it frizzes up when people run their fingers through it so no.

92. Do you like your neighbors? Yeah, they’re okay.

93. Do you wash your face? At night? In the morning? I wash my face every night before bed.

94. Have you ever been high? Nope.

95. Have you ever been drunk? Yes.

96. Last thing you ate? Homemade air-fried popcorn chicken. Made it myself and it was delicious.

97. Favorite lyrics right now? “It’s OK not to be OK.”

98. Summer or winter? Summer!

99. Day or Night? Night!

100. Dark, milk, or white chocolate? Milk!

101. Favorite month? June.

102. What is your zodiac sign? Gemini.

103. Who was the last person you cried in front of? The fiancé.

#kayla's ramblings #103 (?) questions answered #I don't miss him #but i really do miss the man who I thought he was #and it's really starting to get to me #i understand that the man i miss isn't reality #I accept that #but i still miss who i thought he was and the normalcy

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