#i found it 10 years after it was published which feels so late to the party....

[skippydiesposting]

it's been four and a half years since I became obsessed with Skippy Dies and I still get goosebumps thinking about it on a daily basis. that's a kind of love I don't think very many people have experienced. I'm still totally baffled that it even exists and it's even more amazing that I found it at exactly the right time. maybe magic and cosmic intervention is real

I know that this is a silly place to say this because hopefully it's obvious but it really is impossible to overstate how much of my time is spent thinking about this goddamn book

[felassan]

Article from Bloomberg by Jason Schreier, under a cut due to length.

"New ‘Dragon Age’ Game Faced Turbulent Development The studio head of EA’s BioWare says ‘Dragon Age: The Veilguard’ received nothing but support from EA throughout its lengthy production cycle EA’s BioWare label hopes to find redemption with the release of Dragon Age: The Veilguard Today we’re getting in-depth on the new Dragon Age game A new age for dragons In late 2020, when Gary McKay took over as studio head of BioWare, the Electronic Arts Inc. subsidiary best known for making big roleplaying games, the climate was dire. BioWare, which is headquartered in Edmonton, Alberta, had released two critically panned games and was facing turbulent development on a new one — while trying to cope with a worldwide pandemic. “We needed to shift how we were thinking about building our games,” McKay told me in a recent interview. BioWare, founded in 1995 and purchased by EA in 2007, had won over millions of fans with hit single-player RPG franchises such as Dragon Age and Mass Effect. But a 2017 entry called Mass Effect: Andromeda was widely panned, and the studio’s next game, the 2019 multiplayer shooter Anthem, flopped both critically and commercially. Both games had also gone through brutal development cycles that drove many BioWare veterans to exit the studio. At the end of 2020, studio boss Casey Hudson was planning to step down and called McKay to ask if he would take over. “We had a few conversations over the course of the next month around the people and the culture,” McKay said. BioWare’s next big project would be a new game in the popular fantasy Dragon Age franchise. But the game, which had been in development for years, was facing turmoil and had been rebooted from a single-player game into a live-service game with a heavy multiplayer component, which EA had been pushing across many of its subsidiaries in the late 2010s. Hudson, too, was interested in multiplayer games and had been the lead visionary on Anthem. Some employees jeeringly referred to the next Dragon Age as “Anthem with dragons,” which worried fans after I reported on the game at Kotaku. Enthusiasts of the series wanted another single-player game, not a repeat of BioWare’s biggest mistake. When he took over, McKay began to feel similarly. “We were thinking, ‘Does this make sense, does this play into our strengths, or is this going to be another challenge we have to face?’” McKay said. “No, we need to get back to what we’re really great at.” In the months that followed, McKay met with leadership across BioWare and EA and ultimately decided to reboot the next Dragon Age a second time, pivoting back to single-player."

The choice was obvious in many ways. Anthem had flopped while EA’s Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order, a single-player action-adventure game, had sold more than 10 million copies, helping prove to the publisher that not all of its games needed to be online. BioWare games were popular because of their focus on character dialogue and player-driven narrative decisions, which did not mesh with multiplayer gaming. “Once we made that decision, a lot of things started to fall into place,” McKay said. In the years that followed, he would go on to consolidate more of the studio’s projects, shutting down an attempt to reboot Anthem and selling off the rights to the online game Star Wars: The Old Republic to a separate studio. The goal, McKay said, was “focus.” BioWare then spent the next three-and-a-half years developing what would become Dragon Age: The Veilguard, the fourth game in the franchise. Out this week, the game has received mostly positive reviews and so far topped charts, although EA has not yet revealed sales numbers. Some things went right during development. McKay said they “had the game end-to-end playable” earlier than any previous BioWare product, allowing them to spend extra time iterating. A reorganization at EA, which split the company into divisions called EA Games and EA Sports, allowed Dragon Age: The Veilguard to receive more support from internal teams that might otherwise be stretched thin, such as research and data insights groups. “That gave us an extra boost in terms of the support and focus from the company,” McKay said. But the development of Dragon Age: The Veilguard still faced plenty of obstacles. The pandemic led BioWare to shift to hiring remotely, which McKay said made for cultural challenges. The game slipped past its original target date, although McKay wouldn’t say how much extra time it needed. “I’m never going to call it a slip,” he said. And it went through significant scope changes over the course of development. Then, last summer, BioWare laid off 50 people, including veterans with decades of experience. McKay told me the reduction, which arrived during a period of widespread layoffs across the video-game industry, “was all about focus at that time.” “When you have a really large team, you’re always compelled to keep everybody busy all the time,” he said. “When you have a smaller team, you have the right people in the right roles at the right time, some incredible momentum is gained at that point.” The stakes are high for the release of Dragon Age: The Veilguard. Fans and pundits have worried that a third failure in a row might have devastating results for BioWare. McKay wouldn’t comment on the specifics of what would make the game a hit in their eyes. But said he has felt supported by EA Entertainment & Technology President Laura Miele. The game is so important to BioWare’s future that the company brought in its second team, which has been incubating a new Mass Effect, to help out during the final stretch of development. The Mass Effect team played a major role in finishing and polishing Dragon Age: The Veilguard. Other companies across EA, such as its Motive studio in Montreal, also supported the game. Now, the company will look to see how players react to the next Dragon Age — and, McKay hopes, “bring BioWare back into the conversation as a top game studio.”

[source]

[fereldanwench]

A Personal, and Final, Reflection on A Certain Fandom

Having spent the past week and a half away from the Tumblr side of the C*b*rp*nk community after a resurgence of old wank (not hashing out the details–IYKYK), I heavily weighed the pros and cons of saying anything else. Ultimately, I decided for my own peace of mind and ability to fully move forward, I do want to say a few things (or a lot of things, given how long this is). This blog is my personal archive first and foremost, and I think writing a “final chapter” will help me find closure. I’m also choosing to publish this because, at the risk of sounding presumptuous, I think my mistakes and subsequent revelations might be good learning experiences for others, too. 

Like many of us, just by the nature of when this game was released, I entered this fandom during a very fragile, tumultuous time in my life–Well, sort of, let me back it up a little: I actually initially entered it during a great time in my life. It was July 2021, I had just enjoyed about 6 weeks off from work after quitting a demanding job that had sucked the life out of me for almost 10 years, and I had started a promising new job. I even bought the game with the first paycheck from said new job!

Unfortunately, while I had been told that this position was temp-to-hire, not only was it not a path to a permanent role, but because I completed all the work in my contract over a month sooner than they anticipated (early September vs late October), I was being let go early because they had nothing else for me to work on. I was literally told over the phone, “You did amazing work, you got us caught up through November, but we don’t have anything else for you.”

Cue about 6 months of recruiters ghosting me, exhausting interview processes, demoralizing rejections, and scam upon scam upon scam, all culminating in me returning to the job I had been so happy to leave a year earlier. And while my old coworkers were ecstatic to have me back, I couldn’t help but feel like a complete failure. I took what I thought was a calculated risk, I thought I could do something better for myself, and I couldn’t. It’s something I’m still struggling with today, honestly.

On top of this, I also experienced a debilitating physical health episode in January 2022 which led to me being effectively bedridden for about 3 weeks. [CW: Menstruation, sexual health] I’m not sure of the exact cause–maybe a bad reaction to emergency contraception, maybe unsafe menstrual underwear, but it resulted in menorrhagia so severe I fainted from blood loss. My insurance had literally just ended, another wave of COVID was hitting, and I didn’t want to risk getting infected sitting in an ER for hours only to rack up a few thousand in debt to get a blood transfusion. So rest, iron supplements, and lots of meat and spinach and orange juice was the best I could do.

All of this led to my world becoming very small. I wasn’t working, I could barely do my hobbies or see my local friends, and simple everyday tasks like showering drained me of all my energy. When I was stuck in bed and could barely keep my eyes open for more than a few hours at a time, gossip was a welcome, low-effort distraction from the physical pain and fear that I might either have to put myself in thousands of dollars of medical debt or risk lifelong damage (or worse) from the blood loss.

I also found myself having groups of friends in a way I’ve never experienced before. I’m extremely introverted (even online, though less so than IRL), I have social anxiety, and the handful of times I have been “in” a group I was never really in it. I was always on the outskirts and usually just close to one or two people, max.

Regretfully, this set the stage for me to get caught up in the culture of rumors and speculation that permeates this fandom more than I think it has any other fandom I’ve been a part of.

Academically, I know about things like groupthink and tribalism, and I could see how those influenced the groups developing in the fandom, but I had no direct, personal experience with those phenomena. I think in conjunction with the other struggles I was dealing with, I ended up being incredibly susceptible to an us-versus-them mentality, which led me to feel justified in being unkind to people I knew had been unkind to my friends, even if deep down I knew what I was doing was antithetical to who I strive to be. 

I don’t share any of this for sympathy points or to smear anyone else or to avoid accountability–I still chose to act like an ass on a couple of occasions, and regardless of what I was going through, that was still inappropriate. I’m still responsible for my own behavior no matter what’s going on. 

But I do want to contextualize my fuck-ups for two reasons:

The first reason is ego-driven, full-stop. Not even gonna gloss it over. I can’t defend being an asshole nor do I want to, but I think it’s normal and healthy to look back on your mistakes and go, damn, why the hell was I acting like this? 

Even on my best days, I can be very stubborn and self-important and pedantic and judgemental, and I certainly can’t say that I’ve never inadvertently offended someone–Sometimes a joke might not land as I hoped. Sometimes I get tangled up in my own thoughts, burdened by an excess of nuance and details, and I express things poorly while I try to account for all sides of things. Sometimes I can get a little too opinionated about blorbo stuff. Sometimes there might just be a full communication breakdown or an insurmountable personality clash–But I can also confidently say that I have acted with good intentions in this fandom far, far more than I have with spite or because of petty rivalries.

And when I did get caught up in the drama and gossip and the wank? I was literally at the lowest point I’d been in a very, very long time. 

Again, because I feel like I can’t say this enough, that doesn’t make acting like a dick in a Discord server any more excusable, that doesn’t mean I didn’t hurt anyone, and that doesn’t mean that someone I hurt during that time has to forgive me or stick around for me to grow. Hurting someone because you’re hurting is still not okay. But I’m pretty sure every single one of us has had a bad day (or two or three or 365 or–) and made an isolated bad decision (or two or three or–) because of it–None of us deserve to be wholly defined by those moments or denied a chance to learn from those mistakes and be better.

And I think the most important takeaway for me personally is that I have learned from these mistakes and I have not repeated them. Some of these mistakes even helped me realize that I needed professional support for my mental health, and they played a role in my seeking medication and therapy last year. I still have a lot of work to do, but the silver lining to all of this is that I am in a much better place today than I was 2 years ago (even if this year also fucking sucks for non-fandom reasons and I would still very much like a goddamn break.)

The other reason I wanted to share my journey of navel-gazing and healing a wounded ego ~*self-discovery*~ is I think there’s a very good chance my story might sound familiar to others in the fandom. Maybe someone else can learn from my hardships and mistakes, too. Maybe you too were dealing with chronic fatigue or mental health issues or financial stress or isolation or all of the above and then some, and it led you to fixate on things that were harmful to you, to form unhealthy relationships with equally hurt people, and to act in a way that you know doesn't reflect who you are. The past several years have been so hard on so many of us, and I think we’ve all brought a lot of pain and misery into the community even if we weren’t trying to.

A somewhat shameful realization I had last year was I could recognize that kind of behavior in other people, but I completely missed it in myself. I could see how people were making this fandom their whole world and how it was so damaging to them, but I was doing the exact same thing and I just let it go completely unchecked because I thought I knew better. It was a brutal lesson in the pitfalls of pride. 

--------

So I was initially thinking at this point, I would take the time to address a few specific lies, rumors, and insinuations that have been said about me over the past couple of years. Because while I was a jerk in a couple of situations, most of the things said about me are exaggerations, if not outright fabrications.

And I did start writing a lot of that out, but as I was doing it, I was just overcome with a huge feeling of OH MY GOD I just don’t fucking care anymore. As one of my dear, long-time fandom friends has pointed out, there’s a great line about just this kind of thing from one of my favorite characters in one of my favorite games: “Why should it [bother me]? They don’t know me. I know me.”

I also really don’t want to run the risk of pulling anyone back into the fray (especially if they’re not even in the fandom anymore or if we’ve talked privately about certain issues) by even alluding to shit that happened years ago.

Instead, I would like to offer three of my big takeaways from the experience of being falsely accused of awful things:

You do not know nearly as much as you think you know about people’s fandom relationships. The one semi-specific thing I will mention is that I had been explicitly named a few times as being in cahoots with people I don’t think I ever even spoke to or that I had already drifted away from–Just because you saw two people existing in the same public space doesn’t mean they’re besties, bestie. Also, friends don’t always have to agree with each other, nor should we be expected to participate in a public spectacle of shaming if we do have a disagreement. People are allowed to resolve their differences privately.  

Not all conflicts/disagreements are inherently abusive or toxic. When you are hurting or dealing with unresolved trauma or starting to confront uncomfortable truths about yourself, the slightest disagreement can feel like a personal attack, but that doesn’t mean it is. Sometimes differences might be irreconcilable, but sometimes they might not be if you don’t automatically assume the worst of someone with a different perspective than you. Sometimes we just need to give the other person a little grace and the benefit of the doubt that they’re doing their best. And sometimes we might need to consider that it’s actually our own behavior driving the conflict and not the other person.

Even in situations when someone has clearly been unfairly targeted/victimized, that doesn’t mean they can’t also be a perpetrator of harassment/abuse to someone else. Victim and abuser are not mutually exclusive roles. I would wager a lot of us are familiar with the cyclical nature of abuse, and to quote a line from one of my favorite movies (admittedly a bit of a flippant line in the context of the film, but it still rings true): hurt people hurt people. Accountability for shitty behavior is never conditional, regardless of the pain we’re experiencing. 

--------

I titled this my final reflection, and I want to clarify what that means:

First of all, I’m not leaving this fandom (don’t everyone clap at once ha ha ha). I’ve been in various online fandoms since the early 00s, and while this has been one of the more challenging communities for me to navigate, it’s not enough to make me give up something I love this much. My blorbos are my perpetual muses, and I feel like virtual photography is the creative outlet I’ve been searching for my entire life. I love this game and hobby too much to stop creating and sharing.

I’m also not leaving Tumblr. While I’ve had this specific account since 2016, I’ve been here since 2010–Tumblr is not just this fandom for me. I have many friends (some I’ve known since my original account in 2010!) from other fandoms, and I’m not losing the best place to hang out with other people who are special to me just because one fandom got a little unpleasant. (I mean, look, I weathered the DA fandom here circa 2012-2015–This ain’t my first rodeo.) I also have a lot of hope for the Tumblr Communities feature, and I’m really hoping the VP community we’ve set up can continue to grow and flourish.

But I am no longer addressing any of this wank. If you have a problem with something I’ve done or said to you and you want to address it with me directly (preferably in a private space just so we don’t keep putting this shit on people’s dashboards), I am open to conversation and apologizing where needed.

Otherwise, this is the last time I’m talking about it anywhere. Tumblr, Twitter, Discord, publicly, privately–I’m done. I’m washing my hands of it. I don’t want to hear anything else about what other people have done or who they’re friends with or who they’re following or what they’re saying about me or my friends or any of it. This bullshit has taken up too much of my time and energy, and I have very important smutty shots to take. 

And I am probably going to continue to be less active in the fandom on Tumblr, at least for a while. You probably won’t see me here much until September at the earliest. This time away has been really good for me, and I think I need to continue with limited Tumblring and making the time I am here more structured. Plus, with some of my other fave video game series returning this fall, my blog will probably shift back to a more well-balanced multi-fandom space. 

I’m also going to need to diversify my dash a little bit more, which means I will likely end up unfollowing some mutuals, particularly if we don’t interact often, if you don’t tag, or if I see any mention of fandom drama–It’s nothing personal, but I know breaking mutualship can hurt a little, so if following me after that makes you uncomfortable in any way, please don’t feel like you have to stick around. I totally get it. Similarly, if it would make you uncomfortable for me to continue to interact with your posts after unfollowing (because I probably will if you post in certain tags), please feel free to block me. 

Okay. Christ, that was long. Shut the fuck up already, right? This is why I can't do social media with character limits. ghdfjgjhkfdgkfdg

Seriously, though, that's it. People are welcome to comment on this post if they want, but I really have nothing else to say about any of this so please don’t be offended if I don’t reply. I’m not ignoring you, I’m just… Well, done.

[grahamfolgersdeliciousnotebooks]

Happy Jmart-iversary!!! Have some S1 annoyances-to-lovers (or, well, annoyances-to-mutual pining) Jmart to celebrate their day!

Martin usually has more shame than this.

Despite what certain Archivists might think, he isn’t oblivious. He knows Jon doesn’t like him, and while Jon seems to think that Martin has made it his mission in life to bother him whenever possible, Martin usually does his best to avoid Jon as much as civility and his job will allow.

But the thing is, Martin is lonely.

Worse than that, he’s 1 AM Lonely.

Martin has become something of an expert in loneliness, over the years, and he can confidently assert that 1 AM loneliness is the absolute worst. 7 AM loneliness is rough. 8 PM loneliness can be dire. But 1 AM loneliness is utterly, entirely hopeless. If he felt this way while the sun was still up, he might be able to find an excuse to call Tim and Sasha that wasn’t just, “I wanted to hear your voice.” If nothing else, he could walk to a library, or a coffee shop, and remember that there were other people in the world. But at 1 AM, he has nothing to do but sit with the yawning, aching emptiness in his chest, and feel like he is the last person left on the face of the earth.

Except for Jonathan Sims. 

He’d always sort of suspected that Jon had a deeply unhealthy work schedule, but he was still surprised at how often he wandered out of Document Storage after midnight, expecting to have the Archives to himself, only to run into Jon in the breakroom. He’s always more irritable at night – which Martin wouldn’t have thought possible, a month ago – but an irritable Jon is better than nothing, which is how Martin has found himself standing outside Jon’s office in his pajamas, socked feet barely keeping out the chill of the scuffed linoleum floor.

There’s still time to change his mind. He could still turn around, go back to the cot in Document Storage, and sit in his insomnia with some semblance of dignity intact.

He knocks. 

There’s no response, but Martin’s used to that, so he lets himself in. When the door opens, Jon lifts his head from his work to stare daggers at him.

“Yes?” he snaps. “What do you want?”

“Just– J-Just checking in. Do you need anything?”

“No,” Jon says with a finality that borders on rudeness.

“Right.” Martin can take a hint, so he starts backing out of the door. “I’ll, uh… I’ll leave you to it, then.”

Jon purses his lips like he wants to say, See to it that you do, but is aware that that would be rude even for him, and says nothing. Martin winces as he pulls the door shut behind him.

Well. He did achieve what he was setting out to. He no longer feels like he’s completely alone in the world – there’s at least one asshole here with him.

Somehow, that thought comforts him enough that he is finally able to sleep.

*

The next few days, Martin manages to sleep a bit better. The Archives are remarkably empty on the weekend – not even Jon is working Saturdays, this week – so he has to contend with 3 PM loneliness (and 4 PM loneliness, and 5 PM loneliness…) but by 1 AM he is sound asleep. When the work week starts again on Monday, Martin is feeling almost well-rested.

Jon, it seems, isn’t.

He hasn’t stayed late at the office for the past few days, but whatever he was doing away from work, Martin feels confident that it wasn’t sleeping. He’s in an even worse mood than usual, and chews Martin out for a full 5 minutes about a simple formatting error that Martin has seen Tim and Sasha make before. 

(Tim used to work in publishing, he thinks but does not point out, he built his career on finding formatting problems, so if even he screws this up occasionally, I’m pretty sure it’s not a huge deal. But of course, when Tim makes a mistake, he gets a note on his report asking him to revise it, not a 10-minute lecture in which it’s implied that he doesn’t take seriously the historic institution for which he works, and that he may as well be spitting on the grave of Jonah Magnus with each misused semicolon.)

Which makes it all the more embarrassing when 1 AM rolls around and Martin once again hesitates outside the door to Jon’s office. He’s got tea this time, which is a pretty feeble excuse to barge in at 1 in the morning, but it’s a better one than he had last time. He has to shift both mugs to one hand to get the door open.

“Tea?” he asks in lieu of a hello. “I was making some for myself and figured you might want some.” (It’s a bald-faced lie, but Jon doesn’t need to know that.) When Jon doesn’t respond, Martin trips over himself to fill the silence. “It’s, uh. I-It’s herbal. I hope that’s alright. Thought caffeine was probably a bad idea, this time of night.”

“Hm,” is all Jon says in response, but he still takes a sip.

Martin settles into the seat opposite the desk. Jon eyes him suspiciously, but once again says nothing. He turns his attention back to his laptop, and they drink their tea in silence. 

It’s almost pleasant, somehow. The tea is delicious, in Martin’s completely unbiased opinion, and Jon relaxes enough to become a reassuring presence. He doesn’t speak, but he’s a living, breathing human in the same room as Martin, and that’s all Martin needs right now. Jon sighs and coughs and taps his foot, and whenever he notices a mistake in whatever it is he’s reading, he gives an irritable click of his tongue and starts typing furiously. At one point he even laughs. It’s not much – a quiet little bark of a laugh, barely any louder than his sighs – but it still comes as a surprise.

“What?” Martin asks, and Jon startles as though he forgot Martin was there.

Jon looks vaguely mortified to have done something so human and unprofessional as to laugh, but he explains, “Tim’s report on the Ramao case. His methods for obtaining Ramao’s marriage license were… very Tim.”

“Ah.” Martin has a few guesses at what that could mean. “B&E, bribery, or flirting?”

“Flirting,” Jon confirms. “Honestly, I’d prefer a good B&E. At least then I wouldn’t have to explain to Elias why dinner for two at Frescobaldi counts as a business expense.”

“Always happy to do my part,” Martin grins, but his smile droops as he adds, “Though my last break-in didn’t quite go to plan.”

Jon’s face grows serious as well. “Right. How, uh, h-how are you… adjusting?”

“Fine,” Martin says, and it’s not the biggest lie he’s told in his life, but it’s close.

“Right,” Jon says again. He doesn’t ask any follow-up questions, and Martin can’t help but be relieved to let the subject drop, even if the rest of the conversation drops with it. They go back to drinking their tea in silence, and soon enough it’s time for Martin to collect their empty mugs and slink back out of the office.

This time, at least, Jon says good-bye.

“Good night, Martin.”

Martin’s lips twitch upward, just a hair. “Good night, Jon.”

He sets the mugs in the sink and heads back to Document Storage, and he’s asleep within minutes.

*

Tuesday night he manages to fall asleep at a shockingly reasonable hour. Which is wonderful, right up until it isn’t.

He wakes up in a cold sweat from a nightmare that is already fading from his memory. His dad was in it, which is rare. He tries to recall what his face had looked like, but it’s gone. Maybe he hadn’t even had a face – dreams are like that sometimes – but he can still feel it at the edges of his memory, slipping away with each passing second.

He does his best to remember what the dream had been about. He was back in the apartment he used to share with his mother, the tiny, dingy place that forever smelled like mildew and cigarettes even though neither of them smoked, and his father was there. Then he left, again, and his mother was furious. She didn’t need to say that she blamed Martin, he could read it in her face, but she told him anyway. And then the apartment was a hospital room, and there were nurses yelling at him, too – how could he upset his mother at a time like this? Didn’t he know how ill she was? And then the hospital was his new apartment, and the mildew smell wasn’t mildew at all but worms, worms and rot, and he hadn’t spoken to anyone in weeks. He hadn’t spoken to anyone in weeks, and no one had thought to check on him, and the only one in the world who cared whether he lived or died was the woman trying to break down his door and fill him with worms.

So not the best dream he’s ever had.

He checks his phone. 12:22. Great. Too late to talk to anyone, too early to just get out of bed and start the day.

He stares out at the dark room. Document Storage has no windows, and with the hallway light off, there isn’t even any light spilling in under the doorway, so his eyes have nothing to catch on. He can do nothing but sit in the dark as the afterimage of his bright phone screen gets swallowed up by the gloom.

It’s not as though the dream was real. He’s safe for now; the worms can’t get to him here. And he’s not alone in the world. He’s not. His coworkers didn’t just abandon him to die – he’s seen the texts, he knows they had every reason to think he was safe.

Still, if Tim had been out for two full weeks with a stomach bug, Martin would have been on his doorstep with soup and ginger chews and an offer to drive him to the doctor any time he needed. He would have checked up on him. So would Sasha. So would Jon, probably – as much as he likes to present himself as aloof and coldly professional, Martin knows he cares about Tim and Sasha a whole lot more than he lets on. There’s only one person in the Archives who could disappear without being missed.

It isn’t that his friends don’t care about him. He knows they do. But he also knows, with bone-deep certainty, that they don’t care about him as much as he cares about them, and that’s a very lonely feeling.

Martin pushes himself out of bed. He doesn’t know what to do, exactly, but he’s had enough nightmares in his life to know that getting out of bed and away from the room he woke up in is a good place to start.

There’s a light on in Jon’s office. This time, Martin can’t even bring himself to be embarrassed when he steps inside.

Jon is sitting behind his desk, like always, scribbling furiously in the margins of some document Martin doesn’t recognize. He doesn’t even glance up when Martin enters the room this time.

“Yes?”

“Do you–” Martin’s voice is hoarse and rough – he hadn’t thought to get anything to drink when woke up, and now his throat is painfully dry – but he clears his throat and pushes through. “Do you need anything?”

“No.”

“Right.”

Martin takes a seat in the chair beside the desk. He doesn’t try to make conversation. He doubts Jon wants to hear it, and he isn’t feeling up for it, anyway. He just sits and listens to the scratching of Jon’s pen.

He’d be more than happy to sit in silence all night, but Jon keeps pausing his work to shoot suspicious glances Martin’s way, and Martin knows he ought to say something, so he clears his throat again and asks, “Are you sure you don’t need anything?”

“Quite sure, thank you.”

He sounds more than a little irritated. Martin should definitely take that as a sign to leave, but he isn’t ready to go back to sitting in the dark in Document Storage just yet.

“I could make tea?” he offers. “It’s no trouble, really.”

“I don’t need tea,” Jon snaps. “And I don’t need help, and I certainly don’t need a nosy coworker barging into my office every five minutes to try and guilt me into leaving work.”

“What?”

“I know what you’re doing,” Jon insists. “And it’s none of your business how late I work–”

“I don’t care how late you work! I mean, I think you could stand to get some sleep once in a while, but that’s not–”

“Then why are you always hovering around any time I work late?”

Martin is too tired to think better of it before he snaps, “Because I’m lonely, Jon! Because it’s one in the bloody morning and I can’t sleep and everyone else I know is already in bed. Believe me, if there was a single other person I could be talking to right now, I wouldn’t be here.”

“Oh.”

That’s all Jon says. Martin isn’t sure what he’s going to say if he stays in this room any longer, so he stands up.

“I’m going to make tea. Do you want any?”

Jon nods.

When Martin comes back with two perfectly-brewed cups of camomile-and-vanilla, Jon has set aside his pen and his notes and is fidgeting at his desk. Anxiety and shame flicker across his face when he accepts the mug that Martin offers him.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I wasn’t thinking. I thought you just wanted me out of the Archives.”

“Yeah, well. Not everything’s about you.”

And Jon laughs at that – the same soft, barking laugh he’d given to Tim’s report – and Martin feels a strange sort of affection flood through him at the sound. Pretty inconvenient, given that he was just getting used to being irritated with Jon.

“I suppose I deserve that.” Jon smiles, and it’s somehow worse than the laugh. There are a few more minutes of silence before he speaks up again. “Have you, um. Have you ever tried lavender?”

“What?”

“Whenever I tell people I have insomnia, they always recommend lavender – lavender essential oil, lavender tea, lavender eye masks…”

“Have you tried it? Does it help?”

“Not in the least,” Jon says. “Not for me. But maybe it would help you.”

“Maybe,” Martin agrees, more out of politeness than any real hope. “Never hurts to try.”

Jon nods. He looks for a moment like he’s debating with himself whether to say anything else, then he clears his throat with an awkward little grimace and says, “If– i-if you ever need to talk… I can’t promise I’ll be very good conversation, but I can promise I won’t yell at you next time.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

*

Martin’s insomnia doesn’t get any better. Breathing exercises don’t help, and neither does the white noise app he downloads. A box of lavender tea mysteriously appears in the break room, and it doesn’t make him tired, but it does leave him with a warm, fuzzy feeling that can’t be entirely explained by having drunk a hot beverage.

Jon starts staying late more often. Some nights, just knowing that he’s there is comforting enough to stave off the worst of Martin’s loneliness, but some nights he finds himself once again sitting in the chair in Jon’s office while Jon sits across from him with his nose buried in a statement. Jon never asks for an explanation anymore, just nods at Martin when he comes in and then gets back to work.

They don’t talk much on nights like this, but they do talk. Mostly it’s just chatter – how was your day? Did you see what Tim was wearing today? How long until they fix the aircon in this building? – but some nights the conversation opens up to the kind of vulnerability that only 2 AM can bring.

“I wish I was as close with Tim and Sasha as you are.”

It’s not a complete non sequitur – they were just talking about their coworkers – but Martin can still feel the tone shift between them.

Jon just blinks. “What do you mean? I’m certain they like you more than they like me – The three are always going out to lunch–”

“And we always invite you!” Martin reminds him, “You just never come! And anyway, you three go way back, you all know each other so well… They don’t even know me well enough to know if it’s me texting them or some evil worm woman.” He’s gotten to know Jon well enough over the past few weeks to know that, supportive or not, Jon’s never very quick with words of comfort, so he goes on. “I can’t complain – I mean, they’re nice! They’re really nice! It’s just… it’s not fun, feeling like the odd one out.”

Jon flashes him a grimace that Martin thinks is supposed to be commiserative but mostly just looks awkward. “For what it’s worth,” he says, “I also wish I was closer with Tim and Sasha. Things haven’t been the same since we transferred from Research. And it doesn’t help that they both know Sasha should have been promoted over me.”

Martin wants to reassure him, tell him that Elias must have promoted him for a reason, but he’s the last person who can argue that Elias always hires the most qualified person for the job.

“Anyway,” Jon says, “I know for a fact they like you. Have you just told them how you feel?”

“Have you?”

Jon smiles. “Alright, fair enough.”

The conversation moves on to lighter topics from there, and Martin almost forgets about it. But the next time 1 AM loneliness hits, it’s a relief to know that he isn’t the only one in the Archives who’s lonely.

*

Jon stays late every night the next week. 

Martin knows Jon doesn’t want anyone chiding him, but he worries. He looks more and more worn out by the day, and Martin’s pretty sure he’s getting less work done for all the time he’s spending in the Archives.

When Martin wakes up from another nightmare (just a Prentiss nightmare this time, not a Prentiss-and-his-mother double feature) he doesn’t have to question if Jon’s around. When he checks his phone and sees that it’s well past 2 AM, some small, optimistic part of him thinks Jon might have gone home by now, but he isn’t at all surprised when he sees light spilling in from under the door in Jon’s office.

Jon doesn’t look up when Martin enters the room. 

He looks rough. His head is resting in his hands, shoulders slumped, fingers wearily massaging his temples. When he hears the door click closed behind Martin, he finally looks up, and Martin can see that the dark circles under his eyes have gotten worse.

“Go home, Jon,” he says, and Jon shakes his head.

“I’m fine.”

“You need sleep.”

“I doubt I could get any sleep tonight regardless,” Jon says. “Insomnia, remember?”

“Well, try,” Martin says, patience waning. “Go home.”

“I can’t.” Jon’s voice is small and hoarse, and he sounds more vulnerable than he ever has in all their late-night chats.

“What do you mean, you can’t?”

 “You were alone for two weeks, Martin,” he says, voice hushed as though he’s confessing something. “I can’t leave you alone like that again.”

Oh. Martin puts some pieces together. His boss has been running himself ragged, staying at work past 2 in the morning most days, because he’s convinced Martin can’t handle being alone at night. He thinks that Martin is a child in need of a security blanket, and has decided that the best course of action is to simply never leave work. It is, unfortunately, very sweet, but it’s also utterly humiliating.

“I can handle being alone!” he sputters, mortified beyond belief. “Believe me, I’ve had plenty of practice. I don’t need you to always be around. I-I know I said I get lonely sometimes, but, God, I’m not that pathetic.”

Jon frowns. “I don’t think you’re pathetic,” he whispers. “Believe me, Martin, that’s the last thing I think. I know I haven’t always been… fair to you. Or kind. Or even civil. If I had been fair to you, you wouldn’t be living in this basement.” He drops his gaze and addresses his next words to his hands. “It’s my fault you have to stay here,” he murmurs. “The very least I can do is ensure that you don’t have to stay here alone.”

Martin doesn’t know what to say to that. His brain cycles through several options and discards them all as insufficient. In the end, he decides to forgo words altogether. He stands up, reaches over, and pulls Jon out of his seat and into a hug.

Jon startles, and for a moment Martin thinks he’s made a horrible miscalculation, but then wraps his scrawny arms around his middle and squeezes tight.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“I forgive you,” Martin says. “Now go home.”

*

That Friday, the four of them go out for drinks after work. It’s Martin’s idea, and he insists that they invite Jon. Tim and Sasha tell him it’s a lost cause – Jon’s never agreed to get lunch with them, he certainly won’t agree to drinks – but lo and behold, Jon agrees.

It’s awkward. Martin hasn’t left the Archives much since Prentiss, and he’s on high alert for worms, but he can’t deny that having his coworkers with him is a comfort. Sat around a sticky high-top table in a pub that smells like stale beer and fresh sweat, the conversation simply flows. Every now and then, the other three will laugh at some inside joke from their research days, but Jon always makes a point of bringing Martin up to speed.

Afterwards, Jon walks him back to the Archives. Martin is floating in a warm, hazy middle ground between ‘tipsy’ and ‘drunk,’ and Jon seems to be feeling much the same.

“I could stay, if you’d like,” Jon says.

“I’ll be fine,” Martin says.

When he makes it to the cot in Document Storage, he’s asleep the moment his head hits the pillow.

*

It would be nice, Martin thinks, if getting closer to people were the straightforward antidote to loneliness – if making friends were enough to stop him feeling so utterly friendless. But loneliness is never a simple thing, and some nights he still finds himself lying awake at night feeling like the last man on earth.

He checks the time. 1 AM. Naturally.

For the second time in a week, Jon doesn’t look up to see Martin when he enters the room. This time, he’s slumped over the desk, dead asleep.

He looks smaller, somehow, when he’s sleeping. His face is slack, the perpetual furrow in his brow is gone, and his hair is falling across his face in a way that leaves Martin itching to reach over and tuck it behind his ear. He looks cute, if Martin’s being entirely honest, but Jon’s only started being mostly-nice to Martin in the past two weeks or so, so Martin isn’t ready to be that honest with himself quite yet.

He reaches out a hand and gently shakes Jon’s shoulder.

“Jon.”

Jon stirs but doesn’t wake, so Martin shakes harder. 

“Jon,” he repeats. No luck.

He sighs. He’s still wide awake, and he doubts that’s going to change any time soon. At least one of them should get some use out of the cot.

It’s surprisingly easy to pick Jon up. Jon stirs slightly as Martin scoops him into his arms, and for one terrifying second he thinks he’s going to wake up in Martin’s arms, but he doesn’t. Opening the doors to first the office and then Document Storage is more than a little tricky with his hands full, but he manages.

He sets Jon down on the bed as gently as he can, but Jon finally rouses as Martin tucks a blanket over his shoulders.

“Martin?” he mumbles, voice still thick with sleep.

“Go back to sleep, Jon.”

It doesn’t seem like Jon needs any encouragement. His eyes are already slipping closed again, but he manages to ask, “Will you be alright on your own?”

“Yeah,” Martin says, “I’ll be alright.” 

And he means it.

(View this story on AO3)

[sunburnacoustic]

Muse full gigs

Some full shows that are available, for anyone who wants to partially relive the Muse live experience.

I figured no one's made lists in a while.

La Cigale, Paris By-Request gig 2018

rarities + I guarantee I'm gonna fuck up Space Dementia + water spitting + Matt and Dom playing Grammy hosts in the way they announced the winners of the by-request polls

Some cool and noteworthy gigs:

Live Lounge 2012

The Mayan 2015 (performance wise this gig was stunning)

Royal Albert Hall 2008 (Teenage Cancer Trust charity gig - Megalomania on the pipe organ!)

Reading Festival 2011 (10 years of Origin of Symmetry - played the album start to finish)

AOL Sessions 2006

Reading 2006 (Muse's first time headlining if I remember right. Plus, Matt's moves!)

Glastonbury 2004 (first Glasto headline and a must-watch! Of the iconic mad-scientist, white lab coat era. Muse had called it the best gig of their life so far, at the time) (*Ruled By Secrecy was played live but wasn't included in the concert footage DVD and isn't in this video upload either)

Montreaux Jazz 2002 (height of piano maniac-ery days. Would also recommend Pinkpop 2002 but they don't. have. the footage anymore :( Space Dementia at Pinkpop 2002 was phenomenal. 2004 is also good, but I never found 2002 again. Speaking of which,)

Pinkpop 2004 (most songs are in, a few performances missing unfortunately)

MCM Café 1999 (marvel at what a good live act this young band aged 21 already was—with about 4 years of gigging experience under their belts. Insane how good they are.)

Wembley 2007 (H.A.A.R.P. The first band to sell out the newly rebuilt Wembley Stadium. 90,000 people. You need to understand, seeing Chris lift up and point his bass at the crowd at the end of the slightly modified Jimmy Jam riff before Time Is Running Out was a religious experience that changed me and we're lucky enough to live in an age where you and I can witness it over and over and over again and I'd suggest that you do)

Rock Am Ring 2018, uploaded to the Internet Archive by the Muse Historical Society!

Austin City Limits 2013 Philipshalle 1999 Philipshalle 2001 (all suggested in notes, check out the crystal clear gifs from @hotbellamy! :O )

A few additions I remembered after publishing: Eurockeennes 2000 (opened with a then-unreleased New Born. Matt playing a full gig in red sunglasses. Treat to watch. Link's stretched up to fit modern screens but if you want a bit of clarity and don't mind the late 90s ratio stretch, here's a different link) 2002 (quality's a bit shit but that is literally what telly used to look like)

Shepherd's Bush Empire 2006 (Early gigs are always interesting because over time Muse develop different ways of playing songs that are fresh off new albums. The way they work through Take A Bow live is a bit different here, Dom's the one controlling the opening verse synths! During the Abso tour, Matt would play that bit on the piano as an intro to Space Dementia and if I'm remembering right, he does now on the pianos (correct me—this was on the ST tour as well). Also, Starlight in Bm at this gig)

Big Day Out (Australia) 2004 | 2007. Muse's first tour Down Under, 2004. If you're impressed by Muse's riffage here, know that you aren't alone, Metallica's Kirk Hammett was as impressed as you are. Also I've linked 2007, presented by the V channel, featuring Matt asking a male interviewer, 'Do you feel sexy now?' and famously proclaiming that they'll look sexier in their 40s, which has been true.

Rock Werchter 2023 (Muse play Rock Werchter in Belgium almost every year, except for the pandemic and 2012 I think, but this year's was a bit special. Best performance of Madness I've seen in a while, I love what he does in the outro! MOTP returns to the set. Muse had tech troubles at the end that caused them to restart Knights of Cydonia twice, to no avail. They finally cut it back for a guitar-bass-drum-vocals-only performance of Showbiz, and Matt's voice sounds exceptional on it— the best in recent years)

Bizarre Fest 2000 (BLESS SOMEONE HAS RESTORED THIS FROM VHS TAPE IN HD, this is so much better than back in the day!! If the falsetto at 1:13 doesn't do it for you, you're into the wrong band, nothing else will help. What an electric performance this was!)

Buenos Aires 2019 (livestreamed Simulation Theory-era gig in Argentina, because the set was changed at the last minute because of adverse weather, Muse gave the audience a choice of song between Bliss and Showbiz. The crowd chose Showbiz, which the band played for... the first time since 2006 I think??)

Gigs from WOTP 2022/23 festivals tour last summer:

Nova Rock Rock In Rio Ejekt Fest Isle of Wight ALTer EGO Jan 2023 (as Muse had talked about in that iHeart Radio IG Live) Hurricane Festival 2023 (a festival at which Matt once complained that Muse's set was cut short by... hurricanes. But the audio mixing at this gig was really good!)

These are in no particular order, and obviously not complete, I just realised no one had put together a gig archive in a while so I thought I'd give it a stab!

Will edit and add others whenever, there are obviously glaring omissions still!

[thirteenemeraldcats]

Answer the questions and tag five fanfiction authors you know!

tagged by the terrifyingly talented @kvetchinglyneurotic and the impossibly incredible @sighonaraa

1. How many fandoms have you written in?

One! Uno! Eins! All of the ridiculously emotionally evocative writers in the Ted Lasso fandom completely broke my brain and launched me into the undiscovered country (fic writing).

2. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

Since January, so about .3 years 🤗

3. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

Definitely read. I am perpetually mentally exhausted in my free time and usually can't concentrate enough to write. That being said I also haven't had much time to READ fic lately. So. Help???

4. What is one way you've improved as a writer?

Hmmmm. I'd say embracing the draft process? When I started writing fic (OH SO LONG AGO I KNOW) I was very 'this needs to be good' and now I'm appreciating the 'this needs to be FUNCTIONAL' mindset more.

5. What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Definitely not weird BUT I did accidentally fall down a research spiral for ONE WORD in 'i learned to walk while he was away'. For context: I am not Jewish, but I head-canon Roy as Jewish and there is ONE LINE that references this in that fic. I wanted to double check if there was any significance to the different spellings of Hanukkah, lest I accidentally step on a cultural landmine. Cut to a day later where I'd fallen deep, deep down an equally enjoyable and educational rabbit hole about Jewish holidays, (fostered my ongoing vendetta against the English language,) and found a Jewish bakery that's local to me because I wanted to try Challah very badly. (It was great.) (There is not a large Jewish population where I live [in case that wasn't obvious] I'm blaming my now-semi-remedied culture blindness on that. But Em, you took an elective on world religion in University? SHUT UP I KNOW.)

6. What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

ANY COMMENT. I made an ao3 account last year because I wanted to not lurk quite so much, stop being a 'consumer' of fan-creations, and LEAVE SOME COMMENTS. And I'd seen authors talk about how great getting them was but holy guacamole nothing could have prepared me for the feeling of people liking something I wrote enough to leave a comment or a heart or an 'ah'.

7. What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

Errrrrrrr. I guess just gen-fic? Looking at the numbers of ship-fic in the archive, it certainly feels fringe-esque to write gen.

8. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

I was going to say 'short' because things just keep happening when I try to write succinct outlines (somehow NONE OF THOSE 'THINGS' ARE PLOT), but after applying a bit more scrutiny to anything I've ever written; it's action. Fast-paced action. I don't know her.

9. What is the easiest type?

Assorted emotional whacks! When I was writing original fiction a solid decade ago as a teen-bean I favoured physical-whump, me now has found it a lot easier to write emotional-whump. Not sure why??? But here we are. (Either way someone's suffering.)

10. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

Okay this is actually a very involved story that I might tell later, but I just changed what platform I was using. SO! As of about a week ago I've been writing on google docs. Beyond that, it's a laptop/couch combo whenever I have the brain power (which is almost never 😭).

11. What is something you've been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

OOOF. There are a few wips in the assorted-mountainous-pile of non-active development that are. Heavy. Heavier than the various fics/wips I've published/am actively poking at. I'd like to write them one day but I am also very 'hmm' when I look at them.

12. What made you choose your username?

So 'Em' is a real-life nickname, smash that together with my love of the colour green and tada! You get 'emerald'. 'Cats' is about... cats. I am obsessed with the little creatures, despite never owning one. (Initially I spelt it as 'kat'- no idea why??? I think I just like the letter 'k'???? Potassium?????????? B A N A N A???????????????) And 'thirteen' is my favourite number, just because I find the concept of a number being considered 'unlucky' hysterical and the idea that some airlines genuinely leave out a row thirteen because of superstition always makes me grin like an idiot. The order is purely because I like the image of a bunch of green cats running around together.

I have done a quick investigation and everyone I know has either already done this or already been tagged. (I have once again shown up two days late with iced-coffee to a tag-game. [At least I showed up, I forgot to do like three of these things despite loving them, I'M SORRY 😭])

If anyone sees this and they HAVEN'T been tagged, consider this your green-for-go flag and feel free to tag me as your tagger.

[oddcryptidwrites]

Establishment of the September Constitution

a/n I’m going to say this now, but if I ever contradict myself about the contents of the September Constitution or the history of Georgia’s monarchs, just ignore it. I’ll fix it once I’m actually editing NYTF and the like.

When we left off last time, Daley Miller’s tyranny had been brought to an end during the September Revolution of 2097, led by three notable figures:

James Hall, former General of the Georgia Defense Guard, who led the actual military resistance against Miller and his French Squadron.

Kylar Killian, a revolutionary writer, who wrote several notable pamphlets and pieces speaking out against both the Board of Trustees and Daley Miller.

Jacey Olson, French Squadron Leader, who defected, joining James Hall and helping turn a majority of the FS against Daley Miller.

However, before we actually talk about the contents September Constitution and the current government, it’s important that we backtrack to talk about the exact roles these three played in the September Massacre, Revolution, and Constitution.

The “Founding Fathers”

James Dylan Hall, born in 2060, is the patriarch and founder of the Royal Family. His father was a high ranking government official during the Board of Trustees era of government. At 18, James joined the Georgia Defense Guard, loving the adventure and the feeling that he was doing something. He quickly climbed through the (short) ranks of the Georgia Defense Guard, thanks to his quick wits and the high turnover of military officers. By the age of 34 (2094), James was the General of the GDG.

Kylar Killian was born in 2075 as Kyla Killian, to a school teacher and a clothing store owner. Kylar’s father died from an IR infection when Kylar was only 3, and his mother’s income was rarely enough to support him, her, and his twin younger brothers. Kylar took on odd jobs starting in his early teenage years, in order to help support his family. In his little free time, he found himself writing, criticizing the Board of Trustees’ government everything from their spending to their lack of care in contact tracing and containing IR victims. When he was 18 (2093), Kylar began spending what scant money he had (in an extremely volatile economy) to publish his works. By the time he was 20 (2095), Kylar had grown more popular than he had been expecting and garnered the attention of the Board of Trustees. He was put under house arrest in late 2095, and forbidden from publishing.

Still, he continued under a new pseudonym. The Board of Trustees, after realizing this, sent General James Hall of the GDG to interrogate Kylar Killian. At 10:30am on the morning September 2nd, 2096, James Hall arrived at the residence of Kylar Killian.

Ten minutes later, the September Massacre of 2096 would begin. Daley Miller and his militia, inspired partially by Kylar’s writing, stormed the Board of Trustees building, quickly overtaking the Board of Trustees' government and establishing his own. James would take shelter at Kylar’s residence, much to the amusement of Kylar.

As Miller's government began, Kylar was invited to help organize it. Miller found him quite annoying within days. However, he knew that killing Kylar would look bad on his own government, so he put Kylar under house arrest, for a second time. Kylar, in response, started publishing under a pseudonym once again, criticizing Miller’s dictatorship, but unlike with the Board of Trustees, Miller was never able to identify him.

The entire time while MIller was in charge, James continued to take shelter at Kylar’s residence. Shaky understanding of one another soon turned into a friendship, which soon turned into something more. Despite his initial dislike for Kylar, James found himself admiring Kylar’s willingness to stay true to his values and his intelligence. Kylar, with a normally abrasive nature, softened, as he realized James was just a normal person who had been led astray by his ambition and achievements.

As the anniversary of Miller’s takeover got closer and closer, James and Kylar both realized that something had to be done, and someone had to stand up against the grant. Using James’ military experience and Kylar’s writing ability, they were able to rally a force, and at 7am on September 18th, stormed Miller’s government building.

Jacey Olson, born 2064, was the leader of the French Squadron throughout Miller’s reign. He had grown disillusioned with Miller’s government, but feared retribution if he left or spoke out. As James led his forces into Miller’s building, Jacey denounced Miller’s government in front of a large portion of the French Squadron. Roughly half, including Jacey, defected, joining James’ forces and overtaking the remaining Squadron members and killing Miller.

Establishment of the September Constitution and the Hall Royal Family

During his second house arrest, Kylar had privately begun drafting a new constitution, one he imagined could be put into place if Miller’s government was overthrown. Soon after James and Jacey’s success, Kylar presented his constitution concept to them in private, which earned approval from both. Kylar then publicly shared his constitution with the people of Atlanta and called for their approval to create a stable government which could help the people. It was overall accepted, and was called into temporary effect on September 19th, 2097.

Kylar then reached out to the governments of Savannah and Macon, who had been observing the chaos from a distance, and asked them to join the State of Georgia, as the government was called then. Although they were initially skeptical, they both joined officially on September 20th, 2097.

Atlanta, Savannah, and Macon would officially be the founders of the State of Georgia.

In the first year, James and Kylar would serve as co-leaders, putting Jacey Olson in charge of their armed forces, then called the “Georgia Guard”. (After the establishment of James and Kylar as kings, this would be changed to the “Royal Guard”, as they felt the name Georgia Guard was too similar to the GDG’s name.) Kylar would do most of the technical work, creating guidelines for departments, and organizing what they had. James would do most of the networking part of creating a new government, hiring people, and becoming the lovable face of the new government. Over time, the constitution was fleshed out, and the citizens of Georgia were updated every step of the way, until a finalized draft was completed on June 1st, 2098.

On May 2nd, 2098, James and Kylar would get married in a relatively small ceremony, and their only child, Ciara Kyla Hall, would be born on August 25th, 2098, only weeks before the vote on the Constitution. Days later, Jacey Olson would propose an amendment, naming James and Kylar as kings and changing what was supposed to be a Council and President into a Council and Monarch. His petition earned thousands of signatures, and garnered enough attention to put the amendment on the ballot.

The day of the vote, September 18th, 2098, eventually arrived. James, Kylar, and Jacey did their best to make voting as accessible and secure as possible, throughout all three zones at the time. By the end of the day, the September Constitution was passed with 76% of the vote. The Monarchy Amendment of 2098 would only pass with 58% of the vote, but still over the required 51% margin.

James and Kylar Hall were made monarchs until their abdication or death, and the Hall Royal Family was established.

NYTF WIP PAGE

Tag List: @author-a-holmes @soul-write @flowerprose @ceph-the-ghost-writer @theglitchywriterboi @when-wax-wings-melt @thechaoticflowergarden @lyralit @penspiration-writing @samatedeansbroccoli @charlesjosephwrites @italiangothicwriteblr @thetruearchmagos @pineapple-lover-boy @unilightwrites @sanguine-arena @bardic-tales @joshuaorrizonte @blind-the-winds @circa-specturgia @hymnonlips @aloeverawrites @the-stray-storyteller @writeblrsupport @dreaming-by-starlight @kyuponstories @guessillcallitart @magic-is-something-we-create @talesofsorrowandofruin @writingonmymind @worldsfromhoney

[thenicestthingiveseen]

one year of fanfiction!

this was my first year writing fic after years and years of reading it off and on.

i published my first fic on February 10, 2023. As of today, (exactly one year)I have written [insert number] of fics for Harry Potter and Red, White, and Royal Blue.

My top 5 favorite fics I've written are:

5. i want that late night sweet magic forever lasting love

4. love songs

3. almost doesn't count

2. every thing i need is right here by my side

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

I'm currently working on two longer fics:

in all chaos there is calculation

untitled RWRB htgawm AU

My writing and posting has been slower in the past few months. Which, I have a love hate relationship with. Real life has been busy and ideas haven’t been flowing the way they used to, but also I’m forcing myself to be better with what I put out and how I share it. I’ve never really considered myself much a writer - I wrote little stories in grammar school, but by middle school other people seemed to be much more well equipped for fiction (I could still write kick ass academic essays - I’m very proud of research papers I’ve written about Beyoncé, Chicago (2002), and the history of House Music). Now I’m rambling. The point is. Writing fiction lead me to reading more fiction and reading more fanfiction (I’ve been lurking in the HP Fandom since idk when, ily hgnetwork.co.uk) and re-learning how to tell stories, well. Telling long ones, actively planning, being organized, all of it. I fell into the RWRB fandom, I need people to scream with about Kennedy Ryan’s ‘Before I Let Go’ trilogy, I was recommended books I would have never ever found in my life and loved them. I’ve watched movies, shows, documentaries that have been referenced. Listened to more Taylor Swift in this year alone than I have since 2009.

I’ve grown so much and still feel like I’ve come back to myself so much.

All of that to say, thank you to every one who has ever read anything that I've yeeted out into the universe, thank you for your ideas, your feedback, your comments, book recs, fic recs -- all of it means so much to me and here's to the next year of fics!

[confused-bi-queer]

It’s Wednesday and I’m trying to not freak out because I’ll return to school on Monday and goodbye writing time:c

Thanks for the tag @palimpsessed @larkral​ @stitchyqueer and @cutestkilla​ 

I’m a bit bad with fic recs BUT I’ve been reading long fics lately since I had the time and the last one was Poison In His Blood by notcanoncompliant. I really enjoyed that fic. Stars werewolf!Simon. And I just loved it. Even bookmarked it.

Well, now to the good part.

Regarding my Ballet AU, I’m struggling to end Chapter 14 but here’s some words from Chapter 10, which is the next chapter to come out.

Do you think Baz has suffered enough? Well. It’s Simon’s turn now.

“Snow,” I call him as he drinks the last sip of his water. He looks my way, and raises his eyebrows, silently asking me to go on. “Doesn’t your mum have alcohol? Or something to drink?”

It is getting sort of late, and the drinks always come after a splendid dinner. If we were at the Manor and Father liked Snow, he would have pulled out a bottle of alcohol already to continue with the lovely night. Joking around by getting just a bit tipsy.

His expression darkens a bit. He shakes his head, putting down his glass.

“She…” He sighs, looking away. “She doesn’t like me drinking. It’s bad augury.”

“May I ask for what?”

He keeps looking away.

“Dad was an alcoholic bastard and—Well, I guess you can imagine the rest.”

I really like this chapter, because it led me to write other 4 more, but the words aren’t getting out at all, so I decided to leave that fic alone for now because I’m going to get sick of it if I try to write more. WHICH IS WHY I found myself writing the next chapter for Protecting you like a Pitch. 

I have to admit that I feel like that fic is really meh for people who read my stuff for no reason. And it doesn’t make any sense because it’s literally my most popular fic, most kudoed, most bookmarked, most everything, and it still feels smol to me.

But well. Ignored the fic for five months and wrote Chapter 18 last night. I just published it, actually. So here’s a few words because I can’t never leave the boys be happy:

I always dreamed of the Mage loving me; he was my savour, after all, so I thought expecting those feelings from him was only logical. He must have had his reasons to show Watford to me, right? Other than wanting a soldier? A puppet?

I look at Baz, and I can’t help feeling that he was right all these years.

I was the Mage’s little dog, following after its owner without a question.

Of course Baz has apologised for having offended me so many times—I have as well—, but his words were always true. And I always knew, but I tried to fool myself. I tried to accept the Mage’s screams, his reprimands, and disappointed looks, because I genuinely thought I was the problem. And I was. Wasn’t as well.

Watching Baz defend me in such a feral way because it was unfair and wrong for the Mage to treat me the way he had always treated me was a shocker. My world turned upside down.

The chapter isn’t about exclusively that, but I thought of the Mage being an asshole and thought of making these two wips have that in common.

Welp, now tagging! @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @martsonmars @tea-brigade @jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists @facewithoutheart @fatalfangirl @forabeatofadrum @bazzybelle @bookish-bogwitch @moodandmist @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @erzbethluna @johnwgrey @captain-aralias @basiltonbutliketheherb @ileadacharmedlife @kherub @artsyunderstudy @dragoneggos @sillyunicorn @ionlydrinkhotwater @foolofabookwyrm-activated @raenestee @whatevertheweather @ic3-que3n @angelsfalling16 @hushed-chorus @whogaveyoupermission @yeonjunenby @kohatenz @ineffable-grimm-pitch @ninemagicks @nightimedreamersworld @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @onepintobean @shrekgogurt

[gaylanrivens]

AO3 Tag Game

Tagged by @skelingtonsderek (thanks justie!) and I am definitely not two weeks late on this

Last year's for comparison

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

34

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

33, 311. Which wow! Didnt realize i had broken 30k!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment just justifed! I've written for I think a dozen but have only published for a handful though.

4. Top five fics by kudos?

family we find 9-1-1, 549

I Can't Steal You (Like You Stole Me) 9-1-1, 429

i could be found, I could be what you had saved Stranger Things, 176

A Fan Knows Julie and the Phantoms, 135

blueboys and teddy bears Stranger Things, 117

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh my god I've written four mcd fics uhhh voicemail from your grave???

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh shit usually it's open or like. Happy for *them* not traditionally happy ending. Got That Solid Gold Country 33 on Repeat maybe

8. Do you get hate on fics?

One time and its still funny

9. Do you write smut?

Not well or confidently

10. Craziest crossover?

Ok so I never published it but I was workshopping a ted lasso/spn one at one point

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Lmao not steal worthy

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

@willowmckinley wrote a slasher au installment

14. All time favorite ship?

One??? Impossible. Top three: destiel, stucky, raylanboyd

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Uhhh idk I have a lot of wips from previous fandoms that I'll likely never finish. What to Expect When You're Expecting (an 11 year old) was supposed to be the start of a series and then....my mom died like. A week after posting and dead mom is a pretty big part of that so lol lmao. Maybe I'll feel like touching it again one day who knows.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I can do ok dialogue sometimes

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Instead of annoying everyone with self depreciation im gonna refrain from this one

18. Thoughts on dialouge in another language?

I mean as long as you do it respectfully?

19. First fandom you wrote in?

Supernatural

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Slasher au!!!! watch a few movies, take a few notes but id i have to give one fic instead of a whole series..... maybe The Ballad of "Just Tim" Gutterson that's one I had been wanting to write for a long time and I think it came out decent?

Tagging uh... idk who has and hasn't been tagged. So....if you see this and want to do it I'm tagging you

[acaseforpencils]

Gustavo Magalhães.

Bio: My name is Gustavo Magalhães and I am a Brazilian illustrator/cartoonist. I live in Caçapava, a small town in São Paulo state. I have worked as an illustrator since 2013.

As an editorial Illustrator, I've been published by The New Yorker, Golf Digest, Forbes, The New Republic, GQ Magazine among others. The first time I was commissioned by The New Yorker was in 2021, for "The Critics" session on a portrait of Sandra Oh" for her new show at the time, "The Chair," which aired on Netflix.

Sketch, refinement, finished piece.

I also have a web comic strip called "Curb Talk." It's published  twice a week in a classic Comic Strip format.

Lately, I am a Senior Illustrator at a Studio called "Fried Design Company ,'' in Springfield, Missouri. But I work from Brazil.

AOIKTYE Procreate Keyboard for Ipad / Apple Pencil / Ipad Pro

Mac Mini / Asus Proart PA248QV Monitor / Huion Kanvas Plus 22 Display

Tools of choice: My process of work is mixed, I like to sketch the first thumbs and sometimes more advanced pieces on paper and "ink" / color them using digital tools. It's been 5 years that more than 90% of my final pieces are done in digital, and along that period I discovered that I'm a person that likes to do a significant amount of tests while inking, and digital tools help me a lot in that.

Lately, I've been trying to achieve an inking process that I could do both on paper and on digital, that way I could do my pieces however I feel on that day, and my comic strip has been a good place for this test field, and I'm enjoying that mix very much.

Pentel .09 Mechanical Pencil / Staedtler Water Brush / Staedtler Pig LIner 0.3 / Royal Talens No. 2 Brush

If you were asking me "You are on a desert island and can bring just one setup with you," I'd say I would bring my iPad. It allows me to sketch with an "analogic feel," where it's important to feel that you are actually crafting something. But it also gives me all the testing possibilities the digital work has.

Huion Display pen Battery Free Pen PW517

Tool I wish I could use better: Coloring in general, but mostly painting. It's always a struggle to translate what I have in mind to the final piece. And there are some aspects of texture and rendering that you can only get in analogical tools like gouache, oil, watercolor. Of course there are excellent artists that do those digitally, but there are certain aspects that you need a physical touch to achieve and I have never done anything like that. Maybe one day.

Tool I wish existed: A chair + desk set that automatically corrects your bad posture whenever your body is hurting or sitting in the wrong way. I hate having lower back and wrist pains while working, haha!

Tricks: One thing I brought from the full analogical days is an adaptation of the "drawing from your shoulder thing." Personally, I found it very hard to do, so I use a bandana on my pen hand, and use the other hand to pool this and drag. This is a thing that helps me a lot when drawing straight lines with a handmade feel, instead of just using shapes in Photoshop or any digital tool for precise lines.

Misc: "Go easy on yourself and have fun!" I never thought I could work with illustration. I spent almost a decade working in the aircraft industry (half of it doing freelance illustration jobs for local bands and brands) and the factory mentality lever left my mind, just now (after 10 years as an illustrator, 7 as my main activity), I'm recovering the passion that I had as a young doodling kid. Everyone sees artistic careers as this romantic thing, but it's always a struggle (at least for me) to face your passion as an obligation day to day, and make this trade of time and love for money. So after several years going hard on myself I am finally learning how to be lighter and having more fun and joy in my work.

(Outro/Editor's note: I asked Gustavo if he would care to discuss how working in the aircraft industry affected his work as an illustrator):

I think the biggest influence I got from this industry was the routine and how to deal with work. Artists naturally tend to be less rigid in the aspect of routine because of the nature of creativity, and I think that having almost a decade working in another industry in a more conservative environment helped me in how to take it more serious in all aspects, from my day to day process, to how to treat my clients and deadlines.

That's basically the biggest influence and learning I got from this period. How to understand that the work isn't just the drawing and thinking, but everything that happens behind it, from the clothing choice I pick to work at home, from the time management I need to have in order to balance all simultaneous projects I have.

Website, etc.

Portfolio

Curb Talk Comics

Instagram

Twitter

----

If you enjoy this blog, and would like to contribute to labor and maintenance costs, there is a Patreon, and if you’d like to buy me a cup of coffee, there is a Ko-Fi  account as well! I do this blog for free because accessible arts education is important to me, and your support helps a lot! You can also find more posts about art supplies on Case’s Instagram and Twitter! Thank you!

[yoursselo]

Sorry if this is a stupid question, but please could you explain the whole Gaza situation?

I’ve tried to read about it a bit but I feel like it’s really biased American news sites, and I’m not sure if I trust that info

this is in no way a stupid question! i hope i can explain it correctly and if i make a mistake please feel free to correct me.

some background information: the idea of a homeland for jews is based on zionism. this is a national movement that has emerged in the 19th century. one of its pioneers was theodor herzl who envisioned a safe place for jews in his manifesto Der Judenstaat and this safe haven was palestine. he wrote his manifesto in regards to the increasing hate against jews in europe in the late 1890s. however, this idea is heavily based on a colonialist mindset because in his book, herzl did not mention the lives of palestinians and how them creating their own state in palestine would effect the lives of palestinians (source: Götz Aly's "Propheten künftiger Schrecken um 1900 published in 2021)

in 1947 it was ruled that palestine would be split into two separate states. israel and palestine. the state israel. as we know it now, was founded in the year 1948. so this conflict has been going on for the past 75 years. (BBC - Israel Gaza war: History of the conflict explained)

10 days ago, isreal declared war on the gaza strip after hamas' attack on israel (fyi hamas does not represent the whole palestinian nation) now israel announced a total blockade of the gaza strip, which means that palestinians won't have access to water, food, fool, electricity, etc. (under international law this is a war crime). the people of palestine are told to evacuate their homes, which for many is not possible bc they either don't have the recourses to flee or the evacuation ways are being bombed as well as ambulances and hospitals. (Al Jazeera - What's the Israel - Palestine conflict about a quick guide) According to a austrian newspaper (Der Standard) more than 1300 israeli and more than 2300 palestinians lost their lives.

one of the most important things to remember about this current situation is that criticizing the israeli government does not mean you are antisemitc. the liberation of palestine does not equal antisemitism or anti-judaism.

i pray for the safety of innocent isreali and palestinian lives, regardless of their religion.

i hope i did not make any mistakes and if so please feel free to educate me more on this topic.

[astrobstrd]

2022. GAME OF THE YEAR. OK?

Hey folks, season's greetings. Runner-up for most sentimental gamer 2021 here and I got a bug up my ass to write about video games. It's equal parts games that did and didn't release this year. Forgive me for any run-ons or excessive commas, this started as a piece on one game on the list and then became a top 10, then it spiraled out of control a tad as I forced myself to write more. Regardless, I'm happy with it and you can check it out under the read more. Happy holidays!

GUNDAM EVOLUTION

Gundam Evo is so goddamned weird. It’s a great game that I cannot recommend anyone jump into now. I really enjoy the core gameplay loop and what it does versus a game like Overwatch— the dash and boost system serve as a salve to the ever-present hero shooter roll-out problem and offer a little bit of movement unpredictability, the lack of clearly defined roles prevented the game from having a dichotomy of “hard” or “soft” tank and support units, and, generally, I found myself having more fun with it than I could recall having with OG Overwatch at the time. Every time I think about going back, however, I remember that it’s one of the clearest examples in recent memory of a publisher just not really giving a shit about its product.

The game sits at a sub-1k player count on Steam, with no way for people in certain regions of the world to even play the game, the console versions took a full two months after initial release to hit digital storefronts, and there’s no backfill system in any capacity. For a game to have such promise in a world where only one hero shooter really survived the late ‘10s burnout period, then to fizzle out so quickly… it’s just kind of a bummer. I would not be surprised if the game is shuttered by this time next year. Still, the time I spent with it felt immensely satisfying.

FORTNITE

Yeah. I fell in last year, (completely by coincidence, when they put the skanking emote in, if you can believe that, which you shouldn't,) and now that I can play Zero Build, my playtime's only gone up. I've also watched as the remaining capital G-I Games Industry folks I follow, who poked and laughed at the Tower Building Gaming For Children also fall into the exact same hole. So... lmao.

I think as you get older you do look for a few more opportunities to have a common activity that you nor your friends really pay a whole lot of attention to but use as a vehicle to shoot the shit. That's Fortnite. It's like getting drunk at a baseball game in the middle of the day for late millennials. It also has full patch cycles that are genuinely, unabashedly, very fun. We got dirtbikes and gravity hammers and fuckin Doom Slayer now man! It's great!

Oh, and to defend my honor just a little, I've spent a grand total of $14 on it. I caved to buy the Rasputin and Gangnam Style emote. What are you, the IRS? Leave me alone.

SONIC ROBO BLAST KART 2

...henceforth referred to as SRB2K because I'm not typing all of that out again, is not a live service game, and also a mod for Doom. It's (probably) the best Sonic kart racer ever made, and it's all built in a game that has nothing to do with the little blue freak. It feels fantastic to play, and it evokes the same feeling of fuzzy-warm coziness that I got from playing a lot of Skulltag one winter. I spent quite a lot of time in late January and February compiling user created SRB2K mods, hacking together soundpacks for existing characters, and screaming into a microphone as I careened through some of the best and worst maps I've ever played in a racing game.

DEAD BY DAYLIGHT

I pretend to hate this game and sometimes I do.

And now it's time for

Let's find out!

10) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder’s Revenge

Man, was this a fun surprise! I’ve never been the biggest turtles guy, but I am enough of one to have a favorite that I’ve picked almost entirely on the basis of color and weaponry. (It’s Don, for the record.) I am also enough of a fan of cooperative side-scrolling beat-em-ups that playing this whole game in a little under four hours with a group of friends was a complete blast. I have this weird hang up where I just can’t play these games solo. I think most beat-em-up devs also know that the real meat is in flying through them with a buddy or three or five. (After all, the only way I was ever going to finish Double Dragon: Neon, a game that I love but was definitely not the target market for, was playing it in co-op a year after its release.) That all being said, the fact that TMNT: Shredder’s Revenge allowed for six players at a time is as perfect as it is completely batshit and overwhelming. I’d routinely lose my place altogether as the genuinely fantastic backdrops and battle arenas turned into a flurry of blows and flying footclan bodies, and I simply did not mind.

While my time with it didn’t last long, I couldn’t help but admire the fact there was enough depth in the combos and strategic use of heavy moves, super attacks and thug-juggling technique to potentially make the game worth replaying. This is not even mentioning the genuinely fantastic sprite, level and sound design work. Fast, fun, and punching above its weight class as a title that was free day one on Game Pass, a fact of the gaming landscape that I constantly feel like we’re on the verge of having a reckoning with. Anyway!

9) Rumbleverse

I must preface this blurb with the fact that I have completely fallen off of Rumbleverse and I am genuinely sad I don’t have more to say about it. It’s been probably 3 months since I last fired into Grapital City, but the pull to go back amidst my neuroses and general malaise has been strong. It’s one of the few battle royale games where the insane love for its inspirations and the dedication poured into the game itself both shine right through. From the looser fighting game influence in its move priority and combo systems, to the completely unmistakable wrestling mark DNA, Rumbleverse is authentic and just plain fun. Compared to your bog-standard, shooty-bang-bang battle royale, the hype, guttural-noise-inducing moment ratio is off the fucking charts here, and that’s reason enough for me to include it.

By the way, every now and then I’ll hear people bemoan the fact that there are no melee-focused battle royale games. The fact that this game did not once and for all solve this quandry for people despite being the best implementation of that concept? It makes me want to scream.

8) Marvel Snap

Don’t look at me like that.

I really didn’t expect to like Marvel Snap. I’m not a comic book or superhero movie guy, but it’s amazing what being both free and available on Steam can do for you. Despite starting a little rough and having some growing pains in making decks that I actually wanted to use, the game of Snap itself is undeniably fun and incredibly easy to fall into. As of the time of writing this, I’m collection level 593 and I can no longer deny that I’m just playing it for giggles. This is the game that the certain-Blizzard-card-game-playing-me of 2017 wanted and just didn’t realize. Despite the whale bait in this very obviously mobile card game being clear and evident, and the fact that there is no way to assuredly get cards you want before level 500, I still somehow feel like this is the one online CCG I’ve seen that treats you with some modicum of respect... so long as you pace yourself and play in chunks. The quick nature of Snap, of course, isn’t really conducive to this, but you really just have to chalk that one up to terrible, awful, no-good, very bad mammalian reward responses.

I know the one thing that people just cannot shut up about is the game’s brevity, but it really is important to herald. As someone who’s played half-hour Hearthstone matches, it’s an undeniable factor in its continued popularity. After a particularly rough two days in late November where I kept snapping and kept playing despite losing six(!) ranks, I remembered an extremely salient realization I had while falling out of love with MOBAs a few years ago— if it sucks bad enough, you can leave. You can hit da bricks, so to speak, if you’re not making anyone else suffer as a result of it. If you’ve put a handful of your chips on black the last six spins and lost every time, it's okay to walk away from the goddamn table.

Latent gambling impulses aside, Snap is undeniably fantastic, and not even the only card game I’ve been playing this year.

7) Downfall: Slay The Spire

I’ve played a lot of Slay The Spire. It’s probably not even a fraction as much as the truly dedicated card gaming wizards that I’ll occasionally see screenshots from on the Community Hub, but damn, I love that game. Slay The Spire also came to me in a weird time; I was knee deep in my graveyard shift job at a gas station and spent my evenings, (7AM-11AM on any given day,) trying DESPERATELY to find a game that didn’t require too much of me but was still engaging enough to play between smoking pot, drinking, doing laundry, or all three. I bought the game on a whim, knowing only that it was a rogueli(k)(t)e and a card game, then fell ass over end into a Spire shaped hole.

Downfall: Slay The Spire is a lovingly crafted mod that pretty much just serves as an excuse to get me to play even more of this damn game. From the incredibly well-translated boss characters to the Hermit’s ability to pass as a character that Mega Crit would’ve made themselves, Downfall is fantastic. It could easily pass as an officially released expansion, and it's something I’ve already lauded over in the Steam Reviews for it

6) HYPER DEMON

This shit is bananas, man. I loved Devil Daggers so, so much, and despite still being squarely stuck 50 seconds away from the Devil Dagger, I swear I will get it before I shuffle off this mortal coil. And you’re gonna give me another lofty goal to strive for in a completely different game 6 years later? Fuck you m4tt. I love you m4tt.

I’ve played 3 ½ hours of HYPER DEMON so far. It was all in one sitting. I was amazed I didn’t forget to breathe during all of those 210 minutes. It’s the exact same all-consuming, focus demanding immersion that Devil Daggers ensnared me with in 2016. It’s Devil Daggers: Puzzle Fighter. It’s a cocktail of cosmic horror, Windows Media Player visualizer, Quake 3 montage over-editing, what I imagine the visual sensation of DMT looks like, and pure, unfettered skill-based FPS ecstasy. HYPER DEMON holds you to the sanding belt of its incomprehensible blazing-fast iridescent horrorscape and is unfeeling to whether you can handle it or not. I want more.

I need to play more. I will be playing more. I live to serve SORATH.

5) Super Mario 64 — B3313

I have never completed Super Mario 64. In fact, to my recollection, I never actually owned a copy of it despite having an N64 around the time of its release. I did, however, play an awful lot of this Super Mario 64 romhack in January. It has stuck with me ever since.

In second? grade I’d pass the controller at my best friend's house, as each of us desperately tried to clinch the red coin star in Lethal Lava Land or not tumble off Cool, Cool Mountain. In my teens I’d boot up an emulated copy through Project64 and try, to my behest, to play a game that paled in comparison to the breadth of experiences I’d already had with, at the time, recently released games. (Of course, when your high watermark is something like Garry’s Mod with workshop support or Just Cause 2, anything else feels like hoop and stick.) Even still, I appreciated what Mario 64 meant at both of these stages of my life, for one reason or another. Now, as an adult who claims to have a pretty good understanding of video gaming history, that respect has only deepened.

As a kid, I could recall broad strokes of the in-game world when I was away from the Mario Sanctioned Zone of my best friend’s house. The general layout of the first floor of Peach’s Castle, the first Bowser stage, the royal slide, as well as strange fragments of the hub world architecture scattered through my brainspace. In the days after a hang-out or sleepover, I’d devise ways to get around stages in my head, but SM64 never stuck in my craw for long amounts of time. Yet, I still had moments where it was forced back into my consciousness.

During a particularly shitty bout with the flu when I was about seven, my child brain conjured up visions of a castle that… sort of existed. In between retching up anything that wasn't saltines and soup, half-watched segments of Nickelodeon’s Games and Sports channel, and confronting the sickly taste of bile and lemon-lime Gatorade, I’d pass in and out of dreams, seeing feverish facsimiles of Mario 64. Strange floating voids that might’ve resembled a run-up to Bowser, Tick-Tock-Clocks that didn’t seem to match up with what was on the cartridge, and impossibly long hallways that bled into one another.

I had a passing knowledge of the “every copy of SM64 is personalized” “meme” before playing B3313, and saw increasingly convoluted icebergs and the Wario Apparition, (something that thankfully doesn’t show up in this romhack,) as laughably goofy addendums to already lame gaming creepypastas. The general idea of this hack, despite being fueled by this mix of amateur horror, is something still so genuinely fascinating to me. It's not even really the concept of a game with a “personalization AI,” but moreso the idea of imperfect memory. Things might be changing without any input from some spooky and malicious entity pulling the strings, you just can't remember what these places looked like. Those who are as equally fascinated with B3313 as I am use that term— “fever dream.” They use it liberally when talking about the general feel of the romhack, while also mentioning that at some point during their childhood, they would also have dreams about parts of Mario 64 that didn’t exist, or were slightly off. As one of those people, B3313 nails that exact feeling one-hundred percent.

Super Mario 64: B3313 is a fever dream come true. It’s a slurry of beta, demo-build and original content that bleeds into areas from the retail copy of Super Mario 64. Despite its brief, eyeroll-worthy, yet awkwardly fitting brushes with metatextual horror writing, (enter this cave if you want to see your deepest fears unfold!!!!!!!!!,) the main conceit of this strange, alternate-history beta-dump Mario romhack still hits like a guided missile to my brain. The seldom-played yet still familiar memories of Peach's Castle turn from a welcoming environment into an LSD: the Dream Emulator-esque maze of doors to entirely different castles, alternate versions of existing Mario worlds, densely foggy ominous hallways, and harshly inhuman architecture. It’s bizarre, surprisingly unsettling and manages to evoke a sense of familiar unfamiliarity.

B3313, Wet Dry World’s Negative Emotional Aura and the Personalized Copy concepts are at a bizarrely interesting confluence of childhood imagination, video game folklore, niche meme culture, and, most importantly to me, the impermanence of memory. It already feels like decades ago that we were telling people that, no, Nelson Mandela did not die in prison, the Berenstain bears’ surname was just being misremembered, and, uh, that Taco Bell never had “medium” sauce, but there’s something weirdly different about the foggy, self-aware recollection of sections from Peach’s Castle that never actually existed. There’s an unspoken understanding in YouTube comment sections and other circles versed with B3313 that none of this is, y’know, for real. It’s all gotten a bit tongue and cheek and suffocatingly ironic now, and while some would consider this a horrible breaching of kayfabe, I see it as a necessity to prevent B3313 and other experiences like it from becoming deeply lame, reminiscent of the early days of extremely self-serious YouTube ARGs.

There’s a seal that you break at some point if you came up playing video games. It’s the realization that everything in the game you’re currently playing is there on the disc. Emotion engines and curated experiences cannot magically conjure a completely unique experience specifically for you. With digital games, automatic updates, and the increasing capabilities of neural networks and AI, this becomes a harder point to make, but we’re not quite to the point where games can just generate new assets out of thin air. New content speeds through pipelines for still-alive service games, patch notes get nailed to the theoretical doors of your chosen Gaming Chapel, yet ghosts do not haunt hardware. There is no “personalization AI” present in a two-decade old N64 rom, and with how fast information travels and the fact that leaking video game news and secrets is basically a goddamned industry now, most games don’t get to keep their secrets for long, no matter how much I may want them to.

As you do with the childhood loss of innocence, you learn to eventually understand and cope with the feeling that games are not infinite dream machines made for you and you alone. However, you inevitably replace that malaise and disappointment with the fact that these collections of data and if-then statements still have so, so much to share with you. Experiences like B3313 come along from time to time to serve as a haunting reminder, though. This romhack is a transmission from a moderately different yet hauntingly similar reality that threatens to plunge you back into the depths of childlike mystique, wonder, and, funnily enough, horror, but with your current adult understanding and awareness. It’s equally as enticing as it is terrifying.

I know part of it is just getting older, not having enough space in your head for everything, and generally just "recording over" less important events in your life, but I've realized in the last few years that I don't remember parts of my childhood. I'm not talking year long spans or anything like that, but traumatic experiences that my brain has blotted out, or lengths of time that I just used to remember very succinctly. I don't think my childhood was any more or less extraordinary than anyone else's, probably on the "less" side of that spectrum, actually, but… it just feels weird. In finding old TV show uploads and reliving games from that time period, I feel like I've been trying to piece it back together or convince myself that I shouldn't. I think this romhack, in its own way, helped me cope with a little bit of that.

Playing B3313 is tasting honey lemon cough drops as I sweat into my childhood bedsheets, drifting in and out of tenuous sleep in my dark bedroom in the middle of the day. In its own weird way, it’s beautiful.

4) Hitman: World of Assassination

Thanks for sticking with me through that.

Up until recently, I always felt like an outsider when I said I was a fan of the Hitman games. I loved Blood Money when I was at the ripe old age of 10, and loved watching Tom Bowen’s “How Not To Play Hitman” series slightly more than actually playing it. I did end up finishing Blood Money, eventually moving onto Silent Assassin and, for some reason, Codename 47. I could not finish the first, nor stomach the latter, and it always made me feel like… a poser, I guess? They were pretty “hardcore” games at the time, known for stringent stealth and detection mechanics, and looking at forum posts and videos at the time it felt like I wasn’t getting The Full Experience by not being a bad enough dude to play them, let alone get Silent Assassin ranks. The World of Assassination trilogy has blown that locked door off the fucking hinges for me.

The three newest Hitman games are wonderful romps. As someone who’s been following Giant Bomb for a decade and loved their Hitman coverage and content, it feels like I’m just copying their homework here, but oh well. From throwing homing briefcases and walking around as a clown with a WA2000, to actually seeing the bald beauty's story wrap in the third chapter, Hitman asks you to take these games as seriously as you can. While you’re still definitely Agent 47, (nom de guerre, Tobias Rieper,) and still definitely going through an actually pretty good plot thrust in between garroting sociopathic billionaires, you are given carte blanche to steal so many clothes, chuck so many wrenches and empty as much lead into bystanders as possible with very little restriction. It's this distinction that I feel makes stuff like World of Assasination and, in my opinion, the Dead Rising series work. Comedy is often a hard thing to do in games, and I feel it's best left up to player expression and interpretation in most cases.

Whenever possible, I WILL go for alert-less stealth runs in any game where it's possible, and I killed hours meticulously reloading checkpoints, or missions wholesale, in the World Of Assassination trilogy back in February just to get Silent Assassin. But I also had plenty of moments where I had to break my own self-imposed restrictions to, for example, shoot Vanya Shah right in the back of her smug head and beat a quick, immediately exposed retreat as I let the exhausted sweatshop workers she rules over see her body careen two stories to the ground below her. This was a moment so satisfying that I am struggling to not reinstall the game right now and record a clip myself. (By the way, while Hitman has never been about killing people who don’t deserve it, WoA’s targets ride a hell of a line between being laughably sociopathic and ripped from the headlines of [what is hopefully not] the near future. I really do admire it.)

Hitman had some of my absolute favorite moments this year and, despite it pushing you strongly to a lot of those moments, they never felt unearned. I often yearn for the desire to feel like I truly was the brain genius who earned my moments, but Hitman helped lessen some of that stringency on myself while still allowing me to push my understanding of the game. From throwing Erich Soders’ replacement heart into the trash to whacking the Janus in a send-up to Blood Money’s A New Life, it’s some of the most satisfied I’ve ever been getting lead to water.

And, god, that fucking mission in Berlin? Insane. Insane. I know people talk up Dartmoor a lot and it does deserve it but… man.

3) Dicey Dungeons

In the midst of my summer-time seasonal depression, nothing was really working for me. I found myself pouring over what was on PC Game Pass, writing off games that seemed like too much of an undertaking after I’d completed a certain, lengthy RPG earlier in the season. Dicey Dungeons was a blip on my radar once upon a time, but had slipped through the cracks of my memory until I scrolled past it in my Xbox app, then inched my way back up to it.

I am both surprised and not that I spent SO much time playing Dicey Dungeons this year. As a man that will play any rogueli(k)(t)e you put in front of me at least to the completion of one successful run, it’s basic fuckin’ math. It’s the logical conclusion of just how rudimentary you can make a roguelike and have me still play it.

It’s also, by technicality, the third god damned card game on this list.

Dead simple— Dicey Dungeons is a game of rogueli(k)(t)e Yahtzee with RPG classes, inventory management, and an absolutely fantastic soundtrack that has me picking up my chiptune defending sword-and-board once again. The fate of your runs are, with some influence from the player, entirely up to literal dice rolls. I truly love just how much the game leans into being a stone-cold RNG fest, down to the fact that the entire thing takes place in a game(show) of fate hosted by an anthropomorphized Lady Luck. Its writing and enemy design is sickeningly, saccharine sweet and just a tiny skosh insufferable, but it never gets in the way of how rock solid and addictive the game itself is. So much so that I squeezed this damn game dry of content.

I’ve seen quite literally every piece of new content the game has to offer shy of the Halloween expansion, (it turns the game into a lethal puzzle thing, just not my cup of tea,) and I still had to stop writing this section of the list to go play a quick round. Played Robot in Parallel Universe with a decisive victory against Madison, in case you’re curious. And I cranked the volume in the boss fight for the first time since I turned it down to catch up on podcasts and video essays while whittling through the end-game hard modes. Lifeline goes completely insane as does the rest of the soundtrack. I was throwing ass in my kitchen making sandwiches listening to this months ago. This game just rules.

2) Yakuza 7: Like A Dragon

Of all the ‘guys’ I have claimed to not be in this GOTY list, I am, maybe least of them all, a turn-based RPG guy. I’ve tried, multiple times to breach them, and the best I can get is about halfway through most mainline Pokemon games before the tedium of Okay Now You Go battling gets to me. And yeah, I know, I just got done rattling on about two different card and dice-based roguelikes that are also turn based but… that’s different, y’know? I’m not just highlighting Firaga and watching an animation play out, I’m throwin’ dice and channeling lightning orbs and…

Look, it’s not important. What is important is I finished my first fucking Yakuza game this year. And it was the goddamn turn based RPG! Yakuza 7 is one of the most charming and enjoyable games I’ve played in my life! And it’s a turn based RPG!

That’s horrifying!

I don’t need to sing the praises of any of Ryu Ga Gotoku’s games. If you’re following me, you’re probably fully bought into the series or have heard people around you audibly get boners for Goro Majima and Kazuma Kiryu. In fact, I find it incredibly difficult to write anything new or provocative about this game that hasn’t already been said, but I just feel so strongly about it. It’s the insanely fun video-game-meets-real-life premise and immeasurably loveable cast of misfits that excel. It’s the heat moves. It’s Zhao. It’s the raw passion, genuine heartbreak, and joy of just being here that really got me. It’s Zhao again. Combine all that with an active battle system that satisfies the goopy goblin gamer brain’s need for near constant input and man? I’m set.

I know through cultural osmosis that Yakuza is a series about a few key things: compassion, loyalty, the bonds we share with others, and what loyalty really means. Yakuza 7 obviously has all of this in spades, but especially what it has to say about the lower/working class, anyone unfortunate enough to be homeless, sex workers, and those from impoverished backgrounds is so effortlessly excellent that it makes me excited to go back and play this series from the word go. I’ll miss the hell out of Ichiban and the shonen protagonist brand of fire-blooded vigor and bullheadedness he brought, but I’m excited to (…eventually) start anew.

1) Jabroni Brawl: Episode 3

Here we are. Finally. I’m not only writing something about a released version of Jaykin Bacon Jabroni Brawl, but I also genuinely feel it’s my game of the year. And now that we’ve arrived at this juncture I just keep thinking… what the hell do I even say about this game? I found something, but fuck, it took a while:

It must be said that I was raised in a triple parent household: I was brought up by my mother, father, and the Source engine. When I was 9 years old, I tuned into a mid day re-run of the now anicent television program The Screensavers that showed off version five of Garry’s Mod. At that point, I’d already played scattered chunks of the short, but enthralling Half-Life 2 demo we had on our family computer, (of course, the Icthyosaur jumpscare and being teleported to Ravenholm scared me right off,) but hadn't picked up the game. I begged my poor cash strapped father for a copy probably too many times, and after we both realized the pirated copy he nabbed wouldn’t be compatible, got a Half-Life 2 & Counter Strike: Source double pack for me as a birthday/Christmas gift.

I loved Garry’s Mod. I’ve got no clue how many hours I poured into version 9 before its subsequent release on Steam as an officially sanctioned mod, but let’s just say it was a lot. In December 2005 I joined the Facepunch forums, learned the difference between models and textures, corrected a lot of spelling mistakes, had my first bouts with navigating Windows folder directories, definitely made some crude sex poses, and found my first group of online friends shortly thereafter. I would eventually slowly slip away from regular patronage to Facepunch sometime in the early 2010s, but the impact it had on me as a youth is unquestionable. We can talk about whether it was a net good some other time though.

Before this gets too far into navel gazing and nostalgia, I’ll say that along the line I played a wonderful mod for Half-Life 1 called Half-Life 2: Jaykin Bacon Source that serves as the genesis for Jabroni Brawl. It’s a mess, but up until its Facepunch-branded revival and subsequent alpha/beta tests, it was the only thing I’d ever played like it. It’s full of ripped assets from other mods, purposefully goofy voice acting from its shithead (lovingly) teenage creator, and plenty of stuff taken from the then-recent Metal Gear Solid 3, a game I had also fallen in love with prior. It was dumb fun that I have forced multiple groups of friends at varying stages of my life to play and have a ludicrous amount of attachment to.

And Jabroni Brawl: Episode 3 is that, all over again, from the faithfully recreated weapons and impenetrable Facepunch callbacks, to the fact that this more or less ended up being a surprisingly official-feeling love letter to anyone who has ever made anything in either Source or Goldsrc. Jabroni Brawl knows what it is, and that’s all it is. It’s a deathmatch mod for and by the people still cherishing the rapidly atrophying muscular structure of a game engine that just won’t seem to die. It's for the people who want to get a group of people together on a Friday and throw friction grenades at/fart on each other. And that's all it needs to be to knock it out of the park.

Source and its modding scene still means a lot to people, myself included. For a lot of us weirdoes, it was a playground that evolved into a way to make friends, hone skills and even turn interests into hobbies and jobs.

But hey, this is getting KINDA GAY!!!!!!!!

Jabroni Brawl is frenetic FPS bullshit. It’s terminally stupid, rough around the edges, and unbelievably fun with the right people. Jabroni Brawl is gaming. It’s e-sports. It's, dare I say, hobby-grade. And it’s a complete goddamn miracle. I mean, fuck, this is probably the one project to start on Facepunch and actually see the light of day, right? Even seeing the Tales From The Galactopticon models in the customization menu made me feel positively ancient.

Here’s an in-game clip of a good friend killing himself in maybe the funniest way I’ve ever seen. Take care, and Feliz Navidad.

[f1]

Valterri Bottas reveals he suffered from an eating disorder during the early stages of his career

Valterri Bottas reveals he suffered from an eating disorder during the early stages of his career in his attempts to 'be the best'... as he claims he 'trained himself to physical and mental pain' Valterri Bottas opened up on the struggled he has faced during his F1 career He said he was so desperate to succeed, he suffered from an eating disorder  The 33-year-old also revealed some of the other biggest challenges in his life  By Will Pickworth For Mailonline Published: 03:49 EST, 7 February 2023 | Updated: 03:49 EST, 7 February 2023 Valterri Bottas has opened up on the struggles he faced during the early stages of his career that led to him suffering from an eating disorder. The 33-year-old has enjoyed an extremely impressive time in the sport since his first Grand Prix in 2013. He has made 200 starts, been on the podium 67 times and won 10 races while racing for Williams, Mercedes and now Alfa Romeo.  Bottas was also a key part of Mercedes' success in the late 2010s while driving with Lewis Hamilton. However, the Finnish star has revealed how he put so much pressure on himself during the early part of his career, that he ended up following an extreme diet plan which harmed his health. Valterri Bottas has opened up on the struggles he faced during the early stages of his career Bottas was a key part of Mercedes' success in the late 2010s while driving with Lewis Hamilton 'I trained myself to pain, physically and mentally,' he told Finnish journalist Maria Veitola.  'No eating disorder was officially diagnosed, but it was definitely there. It wasn't very healthy.  'I wanted to be the best, and I thought I had to do that. If the team says that I have to weigh 68 kilos and I naturally weigh 73 kilos, then they will do everything for that.' Bottas also revealed the mental scares he has suffered during his F1 career, which came about after Jules Bianchi - who was a former F3 team-mate of his - died following a crash at the Japanese Grand Prix in 2014.  He explained: 'I needed a psychologist to help me recover, whose first assessment of me was that I'm almost like a robot who only wants to reach his goal and has no feelings at all. 'It startled me. It's true that at that time I had no other life than F1.' The 33-year-old also went on to explain how he found the 2021 season extremely tough - the final campaign he drove for Mercedes - with several question marks developing at the time about his future in the sport before he eventually joined Alfa Romeo. He added: 'That season was more difficult again, when the future was on the line and I didn't know which team I would drive for. Bottas also opened up on the impact the death of former team-mate Jules Bianchi had on him The 33-year-old explained he sought help during the final year of his stint with Mercedes 'It was a big threshold to ask for outside help. That's what you think when you're such a tough guy that you don't need help, that I can take care of things by looking in the mirror.  'But a professional knows how to ask the right questions and open a lot of locks. I'm not the only one there who sometimes has a hard time.' Share or comment on this article: Valterri Bottas reveals he suffered from an eating disorder during the early stages of his career via Formula One | Mail Online https://www.dailymail.co.uk?ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490&ito=1490

[fridge-reviews]

Dread X Collection 2

Developer: DreadXP Publisher: DreadXP Rrp: £7.19 (Steam), £7.99 (Epic) Released: 21st August 2020 Available on: Itch.io, Steam and Epic

We're back with The Dread X Collection 2! This is a compilation of twelve horror themed games that were created by each developer in ten days. Each of these game was created with a prompt in mind, this time the prompt was LOVECRAFTING.

It should be noted that there are a few things that should be kept in mind with these games;

They're all very short experiences

Due to the speed they were created in they are going to be rough around the edges and even have a few glitches etc.

Again, due to the speed of development they aren't going to be the prettiest games

Another thing to note is that unlike the previous collection there's now a launch screen that's more like a launch world. It in itself is a game that happens between and after the other games. I want to make sure I give the creators of that (Lovely Hellplace, who created the game Shatter in the last collection) some recognition here.

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Another Late Night

Developer: Secret cow Level

Like many of the games in this collection this one is very short, in this case lasting only a few minutes. The game is played entirely on a false desktop and revolves around the disappearances of particular people.

Personally I found this game to be more creepy than horrifying, it reminds me very much of Another Lost Phone in many respects.

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Arcadletra

Developer: Vidas Games

This one is very short and I'm still not sure what to make of it exactly. At no point did I find myself scared but I definitely was mystified. I've played through this twice and gotten both endings and I'm still not sure exactly I did.

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Undiscovered

Developer: Torple Dook

This was actually the first of the games I decided to play from this collection. This one is a very short game where you explore a ruin and discover its secrets.

The base idea of the game is that you are playing through some found footage that was filmed many years ago. Due to this the game has a heavy film grain and scratch mark effect which I personally found to be a bit too much.

You can't control the camera as it just hovers behind the character you selected to play, well up until a point that I don't wish to spoil. On the whole its not a bad little game, though its very short even by Dread X Collection standards.

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To the End of Days

Developer: Scythe Dev Team

This game is a prequel to the last game by them that was in the Dread Collection and seemingly there will be more. This time the developers decided to create a FPS, sadly it’s not a very good one, the controls feel very loose and a bit unresponsive.

Thing is... this was actually quite fun, if they remade this game again, gave it a little more polish and more development time I think I would really enjoy it.

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Charlotte's Exile

Developer: John Szymanski

This is the reason I love game collections like this. You can always guarantee that when things like Ludum Dare occur that their’ll be something interesting mixed in there. This game is one such example of that.

Charlotte’s Exile is all about deciphering a language so that you can progress. I love it when games include something like this such as Heaven’s Vault, Chants of Sennaar or even Tunic. Of course, there is a horror twist involved which is that the act of researching catches the attention of something.

Yeah, this is one of the standouts in this collection to me, and I’ve noticed there seems to be a stand alone version to buy that has been updated somewhat. Sounds like something I’m going to have to buy.

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Solipsis

Developer: Daniel Mullins Games

Like every game by Daniel Mullins this game uses basic controls to bring you something much more deep. In this case, you play as an astronaut seeking... something on the moon (Lava vents I think), but things go very wrong quite quickly.

This one is extremely short, lasting maybe 10 minutes but that's all that was needed. I do love the fact that all of the games Daniel Mullins creates are linked in some way, even if just tangentially.

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Sucker for Love

Developer: Akabaka

You have to love when developers start to give their own twists to classic genres, in this case the genre in question is the visual novel. You play as a cultist trying to summon an eldritch being so they can get a smooch. Such a noble goal.

I think it’s safe to say that this game was the run away success of this collection. I mean, not only did they make a full game with a larger cast (plus a free prelude) but more recently there’s a sequel/spin off too. Truly, I can see why this was such a success, multiple endings, good quality voice acting and the game itself felt good to play.

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The Diving Bell

Developer: Bathysfear Games

A first person psychological horror, I’m not sure what else to call it other than that really. It definitely captures the feeling of isolation and the paranoia that can come from being truly alone.

The thing is, I didn’t get on well with this one. I found it a bit obtuse, but I think that’s part of the design.

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The Toy Shop

Developer: Mahelyk

I found this game to be frustrating, which is a shame because the developers have actually crafted a fairly interesting story that I want to find more about. The gun play is lacklustre and its made all the worse by the enemies causing contact damage.

The thing is I can forgive that because of the development time, what I can't forgive is making me run from an unkillable pursuer, that kills me in one hit, through a maze filled with enemies. Not only does this maze have enemies it has multiple dead ends that come with no warning and make it impossible to avoid your pursuer.

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Squirrel Stapler

Developer: David Szymanski

This game has been designed to ape those 'Hunting Simulators' that I used to see on store shelves back when PC games had big cardboard boxes, I'm sure that those games continue to exist on Steam somewhere.

Usually I tend to like the games that David Szymanski has put out but this one... I struggled to finish it, not from the difficulty of the game but from a lack of interest. I just bounced right off it.

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The Thing in the Lake

Developer: Panstasz

This game once again goes to show that you don't need graphical fidelity to be scary. In fact the graphical style makes this game all the more unsettling, especially for those of us that used to play on the old Gameboys of the past.

I loved this game, everything about it just kept me on edge. Sadly I doubt you could make a game much longer than the one they made here in this style without it losing a lot of its charm.

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Touched by an Outer God

Developer: Wither Studios

A body horror themed First Person Shooter. You kill enemies to consume their flesh and use that to upgrade your own abilities. Well actually that's one way to play, you see there are two endings, and they hinge off of one decision.

I really liked this game but I can see why they didn’t try to make a larger game out of it, the novelty started to wear off quite quickly.

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If you’d like to support me I have a Ko-fi, the reviews will continue to be posted donation or not.

[finishinglinepress]

FLP BOOK OF THE DAY: Insert Coin by Joshua Zelesnick

On SALE now! Pre-order Price Guarantee: https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/insert-coin-by-joshua-zelesnick/

This title will be released on January 10, 2025

In Insert Coin the reckless project of #American #capitalism and #imperialism is felt through four characters—a contestant, a drone operator, a monster, and a prisoner—who interact in a world of game shows, chain-of-command killing, and confusion around the virtual and the real. Through video games, fantasy, and drone warfare by joystick, the book chronicles dissociation and denial as well as a soul longing for meaning in a world whose absurd violence and demand for profit feels simulated but is all too real. Insert Coin launches an experimental syntax with strict formal constraints, such as a 6-syllable line by 8-line stanza sequence to suggest the unbearable dimensions of a solitary confinement cell. In these #poems, a #civilization that can only imagine destruction asks, “how do I get to the next level?”

Joshua Zelesnick‘s poetry collection, Insert Coin (Finishing Line Press, 2025) was a finalist for the Marystina Santiestevan First Book Prize at Conduit Books and Ephemera and the Trio Award at Trio House Press. Cherub Poems, his chapbook, was published with Bonfire Books in 2019. His poetry and prose have appeared widely in magazines and journals including Diagram, The Texas Review, Jubilat, Juked, Labor Notes, and Counterpunch. He’s currently working on a poetry book titled Very Beautifully, Suddenly. He lives in Pittsburgh, PA with his loving partner and kids in a garden co-housing community. With friends, he helps host a living-room music and reading series.

PRAISE FOR Insert Coin by Joshua Zelesnick

Insert Coin is indelibly shaped by the atrocities committed by the United States during its interminable War on Terror while meditating on the structures that underlie that violence, including the cultural form of the video game. For all the seemingly disembodied virtuality of our digital lives, of the simulacral experience of what theorist McKenzie Wark calls gamespace—“I’m in a video / game and there’s no way out”—Joshua Zelesnick tirelessly attends to the material realities of what it means to be human in the infowhelm throughout this superb collection, to the bodies, feelings, affects, and images of those who have to navigate this space—which is also battlespace, dronespace. Page after page of Insert Coin confronts the fact that “constructing walls can’t defend us / from our tectonic heart,” and this collection’s remarkable, dense poems document some of the more difficult aspects of what it means to live on this late planet in this late year of late empire, this “strange electronic limbo, white / hot clarity of nightmare / in infrared, heat signatures / ghostly white against the cool black earth.” Zelesnick’s work also holds out poetry as an alternative to the eradicating quantification that defines so much of contemporary life, inviting us to hear and see and sing and feel some other space of play, a space against and beyond the violence of the digital, what we might call a poetryspace.

–Bradley J. Fest, author of 2013-2017: Sonnets (2024)

“Zelesnick’s language game places a jar not in Tennessee but to the wall(s): listens proper, listens the better to hear a prisoner’s voice; cracked shouts; grandmothers; children’s rhymes; tulips; a command, light em up; reported statistics then applause; some audience… These all come through and are formed in rough clay into this almost-story taking almost-place on a large empty plain, the figures and characters becoming, as we read, haunted and haunting. Insert Coin is a fabulous, furious book.”

–Kate Northrop, author of Homewrecker (2022)

I found a narrow form of six-syllable lines and eight-line stanzas to reflect the six-foot by eight -foot cell solitary confinement prisoners are forced to live in. So begins Joshua Zelesnick‘s meticulous, terse, fearsome book, Insert Coin. Extraordinary the way these poems unflinchingly confer their intelligence on suffering, burrowing deep into the dehumanized and dystopic: the prisoner in the embassy/the prisoner in solitary/the prisoner with sleep-deprived/ eyes still pale as a suffocating/fish…the prisoner as a meme. Zelesnick’s poems arise out of the crises of the era, and they provide that era with a relentless, formidable critic.

–Lynn Emanuel, author of Transcript of the Disappearance, Exact and Diminishing (2023)

Please share/please repost #flpauthor #preorder #AwesomeCoverArt #poetrybook #read #poems #USA #history #society #civilization