#i forgot this and then thought it might've been a dream but found this in the drafts with only “too fancy” written under it

[myrkkymato]

I remember opening tumblr in the middle of the night and staring at this for god knows how long trying to understand what's going on here

Highly relatabe graph 5/5, really fucked with my dumb sleeby brain

[hoonvrs]

REWIND — p. sunghoon

PAIRING sunghoon x gnr

DESC. break ups were never easy, especially with your first love. after some time, moving on became easier.

GENRE angst, is this considered hurt no comfort??

WARNING break up, moving on

W. COUNT 0.6k

S. NOTES i love angst so much

FOR. 1/2 jangkku ( @okwonyo ) celestial ballet event!

— rewind by twice

i don't want to know how you're doing.

it's so strange how someone i used to care so much about became a stranger to me so suddenly. the days i spent worrying if you had eaten, if you had gotten enough rest, if you were taking care of yourself in between your training.

now, i'm not curious about you.

as irresistible as it was back then to search your name, and catch up to what you're up to, now i don't care enough to even think about you anymore.

i couldn't help but hate you back then. you took away me who was so beautiful, the one who used to love with her whole heart. the one whose heart couldn’t tell the difference between love and you.

loving you felt so easy that even the thought of losing you back then would feel as if my heart was ripped out of my chest and thrown against the wall like it meant nothing.

so why was our breakup so easy for you?

after everything i did for you, why did it seem so simple to leave me behind like that? the one who went to all of your skating events and even your training? the one who supported your decision to become an idol long before anyone did. did my sleepless nights reassuring you amount to something that meant nothing to you?

did the times id leave anything and anyone behind just for you amount to nothing in the end?

our relationship wasn't as beautiful as the movies, but it was perfect to me. it might've been the ordinary love that every couple experienced but it was different because it was ours.

did i not even deserve the truth that you were joining some survival show to debut, after telling me every little secret about yourself was achieving your dream so precious you couldn't even think to share it with me? 

back then i'd tell myself that it was your agency that caused our separation, but then i remember how empty your eyes looked when you told me it was over. no explanation, only to see your face plastered on a tv screen a week later.

i hoped you were maybe going through what i was going through. barely eating as the taste of my tears on my tongue seemed to fill my appetite, the salty taste becoming so familiar i almost forgot what it tasted like without it. 

but you seemed so happy. laughing with all the others, singing and dancing without a care in the world as if i never existed. like you beginning was in the building and not with me.

funnily enough, i do thank you in some way. your indifference snapped me out of my love haze and turned my sadness into anger.

why did you get to be happy? what about my dreams?

so i found friends that loved me, i even started seeing someone briefly.

got into my dream university, studying what i love.

and i partially thank you for it.

i'll continue to create new memories and experience things i deprived myself of in the name of loving you until you completely fade away. 

keep you in the past and make sure you never touch my present.

prove to the younger me who was so full of love that my world didn't revolve around you, that my life continued and will continue without you. that i know a love that isn’t tainted with your name. that one day if the information that you were struggling found me, i'd be able to sleep comfortably knowing you are not mine to worry about anymore.

park sunghoon. even if i could rewind time and try to make you love me longer, the much more beautiful me now has no interest in you anymore.

you may have had my love once before, but you will never get it again.

you will never take away my beauty ever again.

perm taglist @mesopret @whoschr ​@haknom @shinsou-rii @redm4ri @lacimolela @llama-lyna @boyfhees @lazysmushi @flwoie @kocokookie @kyexvly @seongclb @dammit-jjk @flwrshee @produmads ​@teddywonss @aleiouvre @dneltrise @aleiouvre @nyxvrse @yohanabanana @whois-alexis @tinyegg @sserafimez @satsuri3su @yuemvi @chirokookie @idk-tbh777 @s00buwu @ynsvnte @isawritesss @sleepyxxhead @ramenoil @jaeyunluvr @wifeherupnow @2jisungs

[machlover54666]

@callmeend ive checked every room as best i could (even the other two maps, forgot the lobby, only found notes in the toon rooms anyway) so heres best i could do djshsjsj

ill add in the alts of what they say + where i found them

again im not matpat sooo 😭 yapfesttt

It's a letter from Razzle and Dazzle to Vee asking to be a part of the next gameshow she hosts

I'm not sure if it's only Razzle who wants to and Dazzle just goes along because they're literally one being or if its just the tradegy/comedy mask thing :P

Maybe some sort of journal entry or something? From Boxten and it's not really assigned to be to anyone.

Astro has control over dreams (thanks, wiki!), so that probably means nightmares as well. At first I thought "oh if Astro causes dreams maybe twisted Astro causes nightmares" but then the twisted astro description didn't mention anything about that, neither did trivia - plus why would Boxten want to see Astro if he became a twisted,,

okay next note i give up

Shrimpo literally hates everything

its his entire character, he's a bully as his character sheet thingy states

whats there to say about this note?

Just a drawing of Scraps

Both siblings state its hard to do something with claws, but is found on Scraps side of the room (judging by the yarn balls on the bed)

rather its a self portrait or a drawing by goob that scraps keeps

Glisten wooooo

Ok so obviously he might be pressured to be perfect ("I am perfect, I have to be")

I'm guessing it's rather just him being himself or maybe the episodes he's featured in has him as this perfect model or something

im saying episodes bc there is a 'Dandy's world' show, and frames shown in maps - I'm not sure if it's animation or more like the toons are acting though

This 'somebody' could be anyone, but I'm guessing it's rather Boxten, since Boxten's note mentioned Glisten, or Rodger since he's mentioned later

I'm guessing his ability is the reflection trick, guessing by he says he's dizzy when he does it, and that when you activate Glisten's ability, he gets the confused debuff.

"I should spend time with him more" oh of course you do if you're crying to Rodger (from Toodle's dialouge)

Again, probably just a journal entry

i dont know what else to make of this, but i do wanna know what the crossed out bit actually is. I can make out the first two words, the last word is 'that' and zero clue on the rest.

Glisten's POV on Boxten's note, since it mentions beauty sleep.

Maybe we're only getting these toons' rooms because the rest are on Different floors? It might've been up to the shows creators or Toon Handlers since it mentions "they"

Glisten isn't a fan of neither Finn or Shrimpo

The last note I could find, from Brightney - it mentions books and is a to-do list (Brightney's dialouge includes a 'to-do list' and she's president of a book club)

Not sure what to make of this either.

end of yapfest woooo

[barkmode]

I had a rc9gn dream last night that I only remember bits and pieces from, which is a shame bc there were interesting details in it that I might like to use in a fic if I could remember more

In the dream I was rewatching the first episode, but the first ep in my dream was much different than the actual first ep irl. I think Randy knew the eternal cowboy the eternal cowboy at the beginning & they talked about something (don't remember what).

Next stuff I remember was at the high school, which was the first day. Randy met Howard (they did not know each other before). Randy did previously know this kid in their grade named Dillan (spelled like that) who was taller, blond, & wore an all green track suit. I think he might've been in track or something, he seemed kind of sporty. Randy also had an additional friend but I forgot their name & p much everything else about them.

Randy found out that Dillan was also good friends with Bash (which somehow he both already knew and didn't know - I think Randy was dissociative in my dream). and after that he ran into Howard again and thought about how much he liked being around Howard right off the bat / how good of friends they were going to be while Howard blatantly stole candy out of his jacket pockets. which I guess Randy didn't mind

[feuqueerfire]

Bloodhounds Live Blogging

I've mostly been watching non-BL kdramas from 2019-2022, so I thought I'd give something recent a try! The whole series dropped yesterday and it's apparently action filmed + good bromance, so this'll be my weekend binge for now

Ep 1 (Jun 10)

Dec 2020

I can't remember having watched many boxing shows/movies before, maybe the Shark: The Movie with Wi Hajoon but I can't even remember if that was boxing or something else

oh yeah fuck I was so focused on the other aspects of the show, I forgot that the main characters have debt apparently agh it's so

ew Suju Siwon

damn, this loan shark really lending them 100 billion won for this hotel, that's wild

the loanshark mans has a scar on his face that he hides with makeup

boxer name: Kim Gunwoo (more like Geonwoo tbh)

oh lol that win was Hong Woojin's imagination? and then he calls Geonwoo a name and gets knocked down as his plan backfires pls

fun Woojin vs Geonwoo fight

ohhh I checked MDL and the main duo is Geonwoo and Woojin?

heh Geonwoo is so endearing with his calm and no-nonsense, serious answers

plsss the way their dynamic is switching when we figure out Geonwoo is 2 years younger than Woojin and then changing again when Geonwoo served the marines earlier? or higher status in some way. a sunbae

pls earnest, honest Geonwoo keeps falling for Woojin's lies every 3 minutes T.T

ahhh these loanshark fuckers going around offering to every store owner - anyway, I know Geonwoo's mother missed reading something in the fine print bc it was mentioned on a reddit on-air thread commend

oh? who's the woman with the tazer and the man who was "a fake" being chased?

ah, so this old man does interest-free loans and tazer girl works for him

these loan shark fuckers are sooooo >:(((( die die die

ohhh that scar on their face is like a gang tattoo?

I love how earnest Geonwoo is while still being serious and a bit naive and optimistic and just cute :> Though he's gonna have to change now that he's been pulled into such violence.

Ep 2 (Jun 11)

these loanshark fucks

D: Woojin trying to get a loan for Geonwoo T.T plsss

oh they have to work as bloodhounds? meaning they're also gonna be loanshark types? - oh they left but why's the title bloodhounds then, will they have to come back?

ohh Woojin taking the disrespect at the beginning of the meeting but being intimidating and giving a same slap back at the end ah

is this an Apple ad lol

ah so that's how Geonwoo and the woman's story connect - the guy who she's chasing is getting loans using homeless people and giving the money to Smile Capital glasses guy

Dream On Capital guy - is he familiar to us or no?

ohh is Chairman Bang the dude with the wheelchair? or is that Mr. Choi? anyway, are they gonna be the bodyguards that the man was looking for?

ah sucks so bad that when searching for loans, they keep being offered loan collector positions

ah security job

so indeed the man is Mr Choi

dang, interesting that Geonwoo is telling his mother he got all the money and how because I feel like a different character would hide it and pay it off in secret. he might've done the same thing if he was working as a debt collector or something instead of security though

Siwon's character from earlier who is apparently a well-connect chaebol with his cop cousin + the loan shark hm what's gonna happen - what's up with getting the loan shark drunk lol

ohh I don't remember this loanshark man calling himself Chairman Bang but I guess he did so in ep 1? so he's masquerading. also I wonder if Mr. Choi himself is just Chairman Bang lol like only Mr. Choi knows who Chairman Bang is + he looks around 60 which is supposed to be his age

ah Siwon's character's name is Beom

plssss Woojin lying in front of Mr. Choi, he has become an actor

damn, another interview step

broooooo just insane amounts of money but also don't pull it all out

ah, they have found the common enemy (Smile Capital)

ofc Geonwoo wouldn't be able to stay still while an old homeless man is beaten up

Ep 3 (Jun 11)

cruel or heatless or cold woman vs upstanding empathetic man ah - although I wish I liked her acting better? the character doesn't feel natural for her idk

plss their excitement at getting rehired T.T

her calling them oppa surprised e fr

Mr. Choi definitely knows the Chairman Bang poser who has the cut on the side of his face - oh mans name is Kim Myeong-gil

ah trio friends now

ohh the loan sharks investing in that hotel are gonna make illegal gambling take place in the casino at the top of the hotel -> send evidence to police -> hotel in ruins -> loan sharks will take over hotel

damn they're beating up Siwon's character just to scare him or what? oh nvm Smile Capital ppl here

damn I wasn't expecting such brutal torture scenes

and now blackmail material by making him strip down?

oh, seems like some of the people in Smile Capital (including CEO) actually worked for Mr. Choi back when he was a loan shark

goddamn so that's how Kim Myeong-gil got the scar on his face and Mr. Choi became disabled

just straight-up bars of gold lol

Myeong-gil is being real or tricking Beom with this trust and sweet talk about him being his donsaeng?

goddamn this crowd of people

I saw a gif where Geonwoo was waiting for some operation to be successful on Woojin or something, will that be due to this fight?

Ep 4 (Jun 11)

oh nooo he's going to Geonwoo's mother

wait, who is this who's stopping them from taking the mother? someone Mr. Choi called right but like who?

oh actually the boss called this man who went to where the fight happened but who was the one who rescued the mother?

oh sashimi knife - that sushi restaurant from before - he's the one who saved Geonwoo's mom

ah the 5 knifers - when those 2 talked about avenging their boys, they mean the 3 knifers the Kim Myeon-gil managed to kill - Lee Du-yeong and Hwang Yang-jung

they ate all the fucking rolled omelets without leaving any for the others? die fuckers

who's spying on the trio going to transfer money? it's probably the smile capital driver dude but somehow it also looks a bit like the knife to me oof

oh noooo yeah it's the driver dude and he got her while the big Beom dude is going to the duo

ah fuck they're sending so many people to capture the trio

damn bruh not a car chase but fucking car crashes

no Geonwoo don't get outtttttt

beat them with bars of gold lesgo lmao

pls their slow jogging with the gold bags T.T

Ep 5 (Jun 11)

okay at least they dropped the gold bag and several boxes bc indeed their lives are worth more + they got most of the money

the big plans of Myeong-gil and his men vs Mr. Choi and his knifers are fun, moreso than the trio because the trio often involves just fighting and some bickering whereas the big players have planning and intrigue and history

ah Mr. Choi offering him an out

lol the knifers and trio convo is so cute and endearing

lol yknow I did think that Hyunju and the biker knifer looked kinda similar so for them to also say it was like lol

wait, why'd Beom just fuck up those people? why mad?

he declined his wife's call? bro are you gonna fucking die? we first saw him while he was in bed with his wife too so

oh he for real slayed Junmin's throat - ngl I didn't fully get what their next step was, like, did they kill him just because he was the one going around intimidating people and stuff?

oh so they're killing Junmin and capturing Im Jangdo driver mans? I remember they said something about getting them to point to dead bodies or something

omg torture scenes D: sanding someone's thing and then using saltwater

Mr Choi got Jangdo to talk

are phones trackable or not? they're keeping Jangdo's phone but can they be found out through that

oh damn Jangdo also saying Myeong-gil and In-Beom are like brothers, they've saved each other's lives before

Ep 6 (Jun 11)

Today's plan was to actually watch eps 2-5 but people say the show is soooo good until ep 6 and it's one of the better eps before ep 7-8 seem different (?), so I think I'll just watch this one too

damn they're using Siwon's dumbass character to track the knifers

D: boil body, grind them up and pour them into the ocean that's so disgusting

who's seung-duk

the way the knifers know of myeong-gil's preliminary plans with the casino but still don't know the extent of how terrible it is

Mr Choi is making vacation plans? dreams of going to Italy? bruh he's not gonna make it out alive, is he

not this happy times where everybody's chatting and drinking and feeling good, we're boutta see serious shit go down huh?

as expected, he's also gonna be a dad, ah my guy i can forsee your death so clearly

okay this young kid isn't Hyunju, right? because the story doesn't fit with her history

oh nvm it is indeed Hyunju

huh? Geonwoo's mother didn't take Mr. Choi's loans though, so

teary-eyed grateful Geonwoo ahh

pls Mr. Choi keeps having parallels with youth like learning what flex is from Hyunju and thanking Geonwoo for teaching him what youth is

ah fuck they've got Mr. Choi's address, it's starting. bro people are drunk and shit now, right?

oh wait they're found the biker knifer Duhyeong's address actually? is that where they tortured Jangdo?

naurrr this Dayoung and his wife scene T.T

let's go knife throwing

damn so fucking bloody

ah rip Duyeong having to sell out the other knifer

bro wtf do you mean someone might have seen the car? take a diff mean of transport then let's go public transit where they can't just pick you off

ah fuck sushi restaurant

oh noooo his apprentice is fucking dead in the room

this sense of foreboding is so

noooooooo Myeong-gil killed Duyeong and his wife after he got the info? D: nooo. I was like dang, it would've been good if Duyeong called Yungjung to warn him but alas he is dead

another hand-to-hand knife fight

ah fuck I can't believe Yungjung is also gonna dye so soon before the fight even reaches Mr. Choi

the knifers didn't get to avenge their 3 brother knifers T.T this is actually so fucking sad man

it's interesting that this whole show is so focused on the fight scenes and intensity but in this episode, we focus so much on the softness of everybody together and the leadup fights and deaths are also so quiet and mostly solitary, this is so fucked

like bruh Woojin's just chilling and having breakfast

these scenarios remind me so much of my recurring childhood nightmare of home invasion by gunda (thugs) and having to figure out how to escape and then being chased while you attempt ah fuck

ah at least Mr. Choi has overcome the hesitancy to shoot though the fact that his safe and everything is wide open is a lot

okay I know he doesn't die because there's some surgery thing later on that's at least successful or something

ah fuck this Beom motherfucker

it's actually crazy that these evil people are straight up just defeating them 75% in like not just "oh they're being cornered but will easily win" but like people are fucking dead like straight up the experienced, big players from this side are just gone

as is the money and the house is aflame

bro fuck Hyunju and Geonwoo coming home to see all this

oh my god I did not expect to get teary-eyed at Geonwoo begging to donate one more bag of blood for Woojin

Fave Ep of the show and just genuinely suchhhh a good episode in general. The humanity and serenity of it drove me to madness.

Ep 7 (Jun 12)

I watched less than 3 minutes of this during lunch and then went to take a little nap and now I'll finish this ep and then go to sleep. I'm just a sleepy guy

and she's gone, the result of Kim Sae Ron's DUI

ah, time-skipped to a healed Woojin

the young girl assigning who's gonna take the top bunk after taking a look at them is so T.T funny

fuckass Junmin lives but the knifers and Mr. Choi are dead how is that fairrrrrrr

I'd be more empathetic toward this man's heartbreak at Mr. Choi's death if he wasn't sleezy toward the woman earlier like yeah fucker, get scammed

I'd be more empathetic toward this character if it wasn't played by fuckass Siwon

won't yall get alcohol poisoning

idk if I'm supposed to be suspecting people of double-crossing or not like people give up info when interrogated but what if it's like Minbeom's brother in law is actually working for Myeong-gil or something, y'know?

Myeong-gil could just use data but sure yep, wifi

did he actually delete some instances of the video or no?

damn, they really did manage to destroy the hard drive just like that? would there not be backups?

are we supposed to know who Myeong-gil called at the end at the serious crimes division? somebody surprising?

I know what people mean by it's a different tone because this is less action-based and more like the shows I usually watch with the planning and secretly attacking rather than fights.

Ep 8 (Jun 13)

bruh ofc the first cop that the brother-in-law would tell about getting the list of victims would be in Myeong-gil's palm

oh fuck they found the place Mr. Choi's friend lived where Geonwoo and Woojin also lived for a bit?

fucking dark ass fight, can't see shit

bruh bad cop good a good view

oh my god they got the whole detective trio?

bro so the 2 male cops survived and my poor girl just straight up got ran over and died rip

oh i see she's in a coma

so we just won't know how they caught the sell-out cop? or we're just supposed to assume they got some info from the fish farm lol

why the fuck did you yell Myeong-gil's name, are you dumb

and then also dropped the knife? you dumb?

and Woojin had also dropped the taser? fr?

you're literally trying to just fuck up the man who killed and ruined hundreds and thousands of people, fuck your "I've become a bloodhound" i need you to straight up kill Myeong-gil or call the cops right now at least tf

well at least keep a couple gold bars for yourself too because you're the poor people who are supposed to be helped too btw lol

siwon playing a fuckass sympathetic kind character is so agh ew also why give him all the money to improve their company image or whatever agh rich ppl like why would you trust a cocky chaebol kid?

well at least they do get 2 gold bars = 1B won = ~1M USD each

Overall:

Good enough, especially the heart of episode 6 but not something I'll be thinking about at all. The characters didn't resonate a whole lot, this focused a lot on just fighting scenes (more than like strategizing, being clever, etc, which is usually what I'm a fan of), the defeat of the villains wasn't really satisfying at all - especially with how cruel episode 6 went down. Also, I don’t ship Geonwoo and Woojin, sadly.

Rating: 6.5/10

[dontyoufinditstrange]

Infinity On High Lyrics That Alter My Brain Chemistry

Thriller

"i found the safest place to keep all of our mistakes" "long live the car crash hearts" "fix me in forty-five" "i can take your problems away with a nod and a wave of my hand" "the only thing i haven't done yet is die"

"The Take Over, The Break's Over"

"seasons change but people don't" "don't pretend you ever forgot about me" "we don't fight fair" "people will dissect us til this doesn't mean a thing anymore" "we do it in the dark with smiles on our faces"

This Ain't a Scene, Its An Arms Race

"i am an arms dealer, fitting you with weapons in the form of words" "i'm not a shoulder to cry on, but i digress" "the lies i weave are oh so intricate" "i wrote the gospel on giving up"

I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You)

"last year's wishes are this year's apologies" "i take my last chance to burn a bridge or two" "i only keep myself this sick in the head cause i know how the words get you off" "we're the new face of failure" "prettier and younger but not any better off" "bulletproof loneliness" "collect the bad habits that you couldn't bear to keep out of the woods" "the best way to make it through with hearts and wrists intact is to realize that two out of three ain't bad"

Hum Hallelujah

"you're someone who knows someone who knows someone i once knew" "i could write it better than you ever felt it" "i thought i loved you it was just how you looked in the light" "til tonight do us part" "i'll sing the blues and swallow them too" "one day we'll get nostalgic for disaster" "i love you in the same way there's a chapel in a hospital; one foot in your bedroom, and one foot out the door" "sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills"

Golden

"how cruel is the golden rule when the lives we lived are only golden plated?" "i knew that the lights of the city were too heavy for me" "i saw god cry in the reflection of my enemies and all the lovers with no time for me" "tongues on the sockets of electric dreams" "where the sewage of youth drowned the spark of my teens"

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

"say a prayer but let the good times roll in case god doesn't show" "and i want these words to make things right but its the wrongs that make the words come to life" "one night and one more time"

Don't You Know Who I Think I Am?

"we only want to sing you to sleep" "there's a world outside of my front door that gets off on being down" "i could learn to pity fools as i'm the worst of all" "i can't stop feeling sorry for myself"

The (After) Life Of The Party

"i'm a stitch away from making it and a scar away from falling apart" "put love on hold, young hollywood is on the other line" "singing songs that could only catch the ear of the desperate" "kiss away young thrills and kills on the mouths of all my friends"

The Carpal Tunnel Of Love

"stomp out this disaster town" "we might've started singing just a little soon" "we're throwing stones at a glass moon" "we're so miserable and stunning" "love songs for the genuinely cunning" "dreaming of sinking with the melody of the cliffs of eternity" "got postcards from my former selves saying 'how you been?'" "we might've said goodbye just a little soon" "take two years, and call me when you're better"

Bang The Doldrums

" i couldn't bring myself to call except to call it quits" "best friends, ex-friends til the end" "better off as lovers, not the other way around" "i can't commit to a thing be it heart or hospital" "i cast a spell over the west to make you think of me the same way i think of you" "this is a love song in my own way"

Fame > Infamy

"when i'm home alone i just dance by myself" "the kid was alright but it went to his head" "i'm addicted to the way i feel when i think of you" "there's too much green to feel blue"

You're Crashing But You're No Wave

"everyone's looking for relief" "only breathing with the aid of disbelief" "baby boy can't lift his headached head" "isn't it tragic?" "hang on a rope or bated breath, whichever you prefer" "a bidding war for an old flame's grief" "not a word that could make you comprehend" "unimpressed birds sing and die"

I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers

"cause sorrow is all the rage" "i'm so sorry, but not really" "the truth hurts worse than anything i could bring myself to do to you" "do you remember the way i held your hand under the lamppost and ran home this way so many times i could close my eyes?"

[finlizziah]

Had a dream.

So, I dont remember how it started anymore, but for whatever reason a virus started going around, I'm assuming one that could transmit through air, or at least from proximity to infected people.

What this infection did, well I doubt much, it might've had more long term effects, but I'd only been in my dream for max half a day. What the short term effects were though, it made you crave human brain, or perhaps brain itself. It was close to a zombie outbreak, people started attacking each other and murdering just to eat their brain, some started fighting over resources, though I do believe most infected people could still rationally think. Intelligent, seeming normal from the outside, however some would attack.

I, of course, decided the wisest decision would be to take my dog and go hide out in the forest (I dont think I even knew where I wanted to go), so I did. We went out, my dog started looking at the animals around, and perhaps going hunt mode, until he found this one animal, who I assumed was a vixen so called em that (I dont know why, upon google search its not even a specific breed of fox..?) (though it looked like a fennex fox), anyway they became friends for some reason and the fox stayed on my doggys back while they ran around, probs hunting more, I dunno.

We then went into the woods, I guess I expected to walk for a long time, until I was met by a polar bear..? being ridden by a girl... The bear was always on its 2 back feet, standing up and the girl was sitting on its shoulders, like how a father holds up their kid and puts them behind their neck kinda so they can see the world higher off.

I dont remember if I told her about the infection before or after this next bit, but it was obvious from conversating with her that she'd not seen people in a while.

What I mean by "after this next bit", the polar bear opened its arms, the girl told me or asked me to something about trusting her. I knew I was either gonna get a hug, or my back ripped out, so with no other option I embraced the fucking polar bear, and to my surprise...

It... Hugged me..? A really fluffy and cozy hug, so fucking fluffy.

I guess my bravery was enough for em both to trust me. The girl seemed around my age, maybe a few years younger, dunno, was wearing vibrant, bubble gum ice cream flavor colored clothes ???

Anyways we probably just talked a bit there and then I guess decided to go stay at her apartment or get resources, I dunno, but we ended up going there, my dog still kinda on the loose. Apparently she fucking lived in the apartment right next to me, or a floor above, I dont know. Kinda fucking crazy, so I was like okay thats crazy, lemme go get my dog, but should get a mask incase people (big brain by me), but couldnt find one in her apartment and I didn't have the keys to my apartment..? (Did i like have a bag i forgot somewhere or did my dream just forget about it????)

So alas, I went outside, covering my face with my jackets sleeve, hoping it would be enough to not get me infected. Some people were talking, perhaps close to fighting about who gets the resources from some delivery person, which I think the girl n bear took for themselves, which fair, I think the 3 were infected anyways. I got by them with no trouble, walked to a nearby patch of grass and called my dog's name. He appeared from behind a building at rapid speeds, with the fennec still on him, and my dog looking.. hyper.

He didnt look okay, like he'd been running out all day and not drank any water, perhaps just been out hunting for god knows why. What I did know, however, was that he was infected, and I had to fight him. I dont know why. I was aware it would leave me infected after it, the fennec jumping off his back and taking a defensive stance against him (i dont know why, while writing this ive started to guess more that he is why my dog had gone wild, trying to look innocent, but might also just be me).

All I thought was about using the apartment call thingy to tell the girl I was infected after, and how I was gonna head out. The dream ended before I fought him. I felt weirdly attached to the girl, it hadn't been over a day, but I guess it felt like we'd been adventuring together a long time.

Its like, my dream made up an actual story, that kinda makes sense, then ended it at the climax of the story, like a cliffhanger. Not sure what to think of this.

[a-shadowedvales]

@ruinedmyself: you're bleeding.

cold ate though janessa's chest like a disease, taking root and preparing its crusade inside the rest of her body. it crept through her limbs, into her cheeks, barrelled to her stomach. until the real world abruptly returned in harsh flashes, blindfold ripped from her face in a sudden motion, like she'd been burnt. she gasped, a choked sound rising from her lungs, blurred trance immediately landing upon the winchester on the opposite bed in their dingy motel room. ❛❛ oh. ❜❜ she furrowed her brows, trembling hand reaching just below her nose, where a thick trail of crimson slowly ejected. her eyes widened slightly in surprise, and the tone of her voice matched the shock etched in her features. ❛❛ that hasn't happened for a long time. ❜❜ then again, before meeting sam, (and coming to the abrupt understanding that her life was, in fact, not what she believed) jane had no reason to return to the void. bones and blood in a tapestry of memories and endless travelling. experiences unlocked in a haze of cloud and storm; multiple attempts had already been made to peer into a past she scarcely knew existed, to discover her true origins, solve sam's current predicaments... one single demon bringing these children together, a union bound in flames and buried mother's.

❛❛ i couldn't see anything. i'll try again later. ❜❜ she sounded depleted, annoyed, shoulders slumped like she'd failed by incomparable amounts. she stretched across to the nightstand and pulled out two tissues from the box to halt her nose bleed. it physically pained her that she lacked control, was unable to follow the flashes of yellow possessions and unknown children appearing in her dreams and waking moments. hints and teases of answers she and sam desperately sought, but when she purposely tried seeking them by her own might, there remained so little to be found. like they were figments of her dark imagination. hence why she travelled out and away from hawkins with him. she conceived a working theory that perhaps the upside down (although sealed off the last thirteen years) interfered with her subconscious, and the strives to reach the other end of the supernatural spectrum. it was actually the first time she'd ever stayed in a motel: it wasn't nearly as exciting as she might've once thought.

❛❛ do we have something to eat? ❜❜ amongst everything else, the woman forgot how hungry she became after a trip towards shrouding black. she needed to recharge, get her strength back up; then she'd willingly stay in the void for hours if it meant securing information for both herself and the younger boy.

[swolesloth]

I've had this freaky dream for a while now dunno when i dreamt the first one or how many there's been

Forgot how it started but i remember the gist of it, a while ago i dreamt that after being absent for one day the person i liked the most in my class (not crush or anything just the one i view most favorably) stops attending class after i returned, at first i thought it was the usual absence since it's common for her to not come to school, then after a few days of no news i get suspicious, i checked their socials, ask teachers, ask other classmates for updates on her

Idk how i came to this conclusion but i eventually started thinking that my other classmates kidnapped her

Eventually we reached graduation and still no news of her

In my latest dream of this series

Me and my all classmates went to the rooftop of our school which they renovated with their money, where did they get the money? Idk but i do know that there was no announcement of this no dm's asking for contributions nothing sent the group chats they did this in secret

After being shown the rooftop we went our separate ways and headed home, dream me, being the vessel of negativity and hatred that he is, thought of the worst and most improbable situation, that my other classmates kidnapped her and sold her organs fund the renovation

Dream me went home and started another investigation, when night fell i went on a run to clear my mind

Then i woke up

On hindsight the plot might've been the missing girl either skydived without a parachute or accidentally fell while i was absent and my other classmates knowing i liked her the most didn't tell me, and the renovation was so this doesn't happen again

As i was writing the hindsight part i realized this doesn't make us much sense as i thought it did, cuz when dream me investigated he should've found something on someone dying at school, so maybe my classmates really did kidnap her

[inky2556]

Magix Ultra

Chapter 8

"You mean to tell me, that even after I gave you more power than you could ever dream of, after four ultramen turned to stone, after Zero was already on his knees,you still lost to a mere ultrawoman that was bleeding out?!" She shrieked.

Ultra dark killer sat there kneeling on the cold hard floor as two darkclopses held him down. He was never one to waver or fear an enemy. But the woman before him truly scared him for she held power he had never seen.

A power that even he feared when some of it was given to him to defeat the ultras. A mission he failed.

"Frankly I don't give a damn about whether or not you killed those ultras. The only thing I ask of you was to bring me Zero. Alive."

"My lady please forgive me. But ultrawoman Chiara was far stronger than I had anticipated." Ultra dark killer pleaded as black holes tore into the air and replayed what happened in the dark killer zone.

Zero fought Zero darkness before more dark clones appeared and subdued the ultra. The others weren't fairing much well either. They each fought dark versions of themselves before turning to stone after having their light sucked out.

But the most surprising thing was Chiara facing not one but five dark clones. The others were defeated after fighting just one clone but here she was going up against five.

For a moment, the woman forgot about her anger when she gleefully watched Chiara get shot with dark ultra beams and later stabbed in the gut. But that glee turned to anger and confusion when a bright light shone as Chiara stood up in her bleeding state. It was so bright that it temporarily blinded the aliens in the room although it was just a replay.

Then the next scene came where Zero held a passed out Chiara in his arms. He pressed a hand on her wound as he and their newly revived friends frantically called out to her.

With Chiara still in his arms, Zero summoned his Aegis. He opened a portal in the killer zone and flew out with the rest following suit.

The scene ended when the woman threw a gauntlet at it.To her credit, she could now understand why ultra dark killer failed.

"I get why you fell through with them." For a split second, Ultra dark killer felt relieved. But the next thing he knew he was being zapped by a ray of red and black.

"But that does not make it any better."

Even if it was just a replay, she could tell how powerful the light was. She glared at the image of a glowing Chiara with so much hate her sharp nails dug into her palms and drew blood. Chiara's light felt so familiar. If it was what she thought it was,then it would turn her simple dislike into hatred.

"We'll see each other soon, Ultrawoman Chiara." _________________________________________

"Achoo!"

"You okay Chiara?" Grigio asked.

"I'm fine. But it feels like someone's talking about me."

Some time had passed since planet Kirax and Chiara making a miraculous recovery. Unfortunately the planet was beyond saving. However, the human inhabitants of the planet were never found. Not even any bodies. So because of that they held onto the hope that they might be out there somewhere and assigned a few ultras to investigate.

After hearing the full story of what went down in the dark killer zone, Chiara couldn't shake off the feeling of knowing that Geed, Orb, X and Z technically died and who knows what would've happened to Zero. But it was thanks to what they call her 'miracle' that they were all saved.

She still vividly remembered the dream she had before she woke up.

"your will and desire to save your loved ones alone was strong enough to draw out the power that lays dormant within you."

It was right. Back then all she could think about were her friends and how badly she wanted to see them again. For them to be safe. Chiara remembered feeling happy and relieved to see them alive and well. Even if that might've been the last time she saw them.

"Your friends are waiting for you... especially him..."

They all waited for her. Especially... him? Who's hi-

Suddenly, Zero crossed her mind and she instantly choked on air which led to a coughing fit.

"Chiara?!" Victory patted her back thinking she might've choked on the ice cream she was eating.

"Sorry sorry I was just... thinking of something..." Chiara said while clearing her throat.

"And by something do you mean someone?" Grigio asked mischievously.

"Someone? Wait...Not this again, I told you I don't like Zero like that and he certainly doesn't like me like that." She huffed.

"Funny though, we never said anything about Zero." X chimed in remembering a similar conversation with Zero. To which Chiara spluttered.

"Ya know Chiara, he really does care about you." Blu spoke.

"Yeah, he cares about everyone." She stated.

"No what we mean is..."

"He was a mess when you were injured." Blu said.

"A mess?"

"Yeah when you were unconscious he visited you everyday and stayed even when visiting hours were over. It took Ultra Mother showing up every time to make him leave. And you know there's no talking back to Ultra Mother." Geed explained.

Chiara went silent to think. She did acknowledge she had a crush on Zero awhile ago. But it was no more than a crush that went away. It was just a crush, right? It went away, right?

As she was lost in thought, Orb suddenly spoke.

"And there's also this picture."

There she was on the holographic image with Zero. They were both hugging each other. On the right side of the picture a glimpse of Ultra Mother's head and mantle could be seen. From the she deduced that this picture was taken the day she woke up.

The moment she saw that picture, Chiara squeaked and accidentally disintegrated the ice cream cone in her hand. ________________________________________

Zero was standing alone on a meteorite outside the UFZ base lost in thought when Mirror Knight landed beside him.

"What're you thinking so hard about?" He asked.

"It's nothing serious. Don't worry about it."

Not quite convinced with his answer, a few minutes passed before Mirror Knight spoke up again.

"On the contrary, I believe having an affinity with another it something to be taken seriously." To which made Zero choke on air.

"Affi- oh come on! Whatever you heard from them isn't true. I do not like Chiara like that!"

"Really now? Lately you've been showing abnormal heart rates when it comes to Ultrawoman Chiara. And a quick research shows that heart rates like yours align with someone having feelings for another." Jean Bot said from behind them.

"Not you too." Zero groaned. Everyone seemed to be on his case about his love life. Which was none existant anyways since he never really fancied anyone until Chia-

Wait, did he just think of Chiara?

Suddenly he remembered an instance where Chiara was happily chatting with Grigio. When she noticed his presence from afar, Chiara lips curled up into a small smile and she waved at him. It was a simple gesture yet he recalled his heart skipping a beat.

"See,you're doing it again Zero." Said Jeanbot while showing them a scan of Zero's body. And sure enough, his heart was racing.

"Gaah! Why do you care so much if I like someone?!" He accusingly pointed a finger at them.

"Because we're your friends and we know you Zero. Despite your tough font and confidence you're quite reserved when it comes to emotions. In fact, it's no secret you have so many admirers all throughout the galaxy yet you have never shown an interest in any of them. That is, until Ultrawoman Chiara appeared. " Mirror Knight stated matter of factly.

"She must be real special to make you act like a love struck puppy." Jeanbot teased.

"Hey! I do not act like that!" Zero yelled and in response Jean Bot projected a holographic image right infront of him to prove a point.

It was taken after the UFZ completed a mission and reported it to the Commander some time ago. Coincidentally they ran into Chiara and a few of the new generation afterwards.

Jean Bot captured the image of Zero standing close to Chiara while looking at her with an affectionate look in his eyes while the others were conversing. The purple ultra was completely unaware as she chatted with Mirror Knight.

Alright, pointed taken.

Looking back, there were times when Zero felt his heart beat so fast around Chiara that he thought there was something wrong with him. When he got it checked with Ultra Mother, she said all good. Very good. But the knowing smile she gave him made him wonder.

Though having romantic feelings for her never once crossed his mind since it was all new to him. Is this what it felt like to have feelings for someone?

"Kekeke!" All three of them turned their attention to the small pigmon standing on one of the higher surfaces waving at them.

"Pigmon?"

"Kekeke!" The little red alien pointed at the big heart he drew on the sand. Zero could hear Mirror Knight and Jean Bot snickering behind him.

"Even pigmon agrees."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wattpad & AO3

[veenixdreamjournal]

2 dreams today and they're both weird. In the first one, I was in... well I'm not sure what but it resembled a hospital room with a fucking bar. The beds were all in a row under one wall and the bar stretched across pretty much the whole room. It wasn't anything special, just a bar made out of medium-toned wood. All the way to the right of it, there was a door leading to a room where my brother's friend was. It might've been a specific ex friend but not too sure. We helped him clean up his toys n stuff. I remember confusing his apple pencil for mine but then I saw a giant crack in it and went "oh yeah, it fell off various heights multiple times". I picked up mine which only had a small crack in the cap, not present irl. It's very hard to pinpoint the continuity in this dream but I think that next there were preparations for some contests like most... charged battery? And most cooked steak? What.

Well, I had mine prepared, some object charging for hours upon hours until it showed "E" instead of a percentage. There was a dude that was gloating about his charge being the best but I was sure I'd win. The steak was in a small roasting box, also plugged into the wall. Didn't burn despite being cooked the entire day, dream logic. While we were waiting for the contests, a dude showed up. We decided to go absolutely rabid and start yelling his name over and over, I think it was a polish name starting with a k. Maybe Karol? The room was flooded and every time someone yelled his name a raft appeared. The goal was too fill up the entire room. Never achieved it but oh well. The rafts only spawned in a grid so that was interesting.

The time came, the contests. I had to leave early though and I started crying because I really wanted to participate. I unplugged my stuff and started eating the steak. Mom decided to ask if I could submit stuff early still and the lady running the bar said yes but the stake was already done. However, she somehow found a teeny bit of meat on all the fish bones in the steak. Why the steak had fish bones is beyond me. I think I won? Somehow? Well, we left anyway. Aaaand flew back home on our dragons. The flight only took 5h but we did stop on an island to sleep.

Not sure when this happened but it definitely is a different dream, just with a transition. I was in the hospital room and discovered sonic frontiers was available on my ipad so I downloaded it and started playing. I had an old ps1 controller plugged in and it had its own config menu for some reason. The graphics for it looked like an old pc shooter and you could overlay those on anything anytime. The game itself started off with me playing as Shadow and immediately dropping into lava multiple times. I got around it and found myself in a facility with some special springs I though were really cool. Forgot what they did but they were cool. I made it out eventually and it switched to Sonic who was... very mentally impaired. Always crying and stumbling thought he could definitely run. He was completely non verbal and just made sounds. Every cutscene in the game ended with the camera being struck with a big rock, except one where sonic was standing on the edge of a high up building mumbling to himself while someone else tried to communicate. The camera still got a face full of rock but it went through instead of blacking out. The levels were similar to a demo I played waaaay back in a dream from like half a year ago. Lots of sidestep sections n stuff. The game also had soldiers from forces scattered around. You could attack them but if you did you lost a life for being a dick.

Lastly, little bonus I suppose. I was in a room with a similar layout to the hospital but it was all wood and bamboo with red accents. I belonged to a group of warriors or something, ninjas but different in a way. There was something about gathering in one spot near the door but I forgot

[mono-dot-jpeg]

antarctic idiots [pt.4] - c!technoblade

summary; in which two anarchist piglins adopt an ender boy.

genre; child! ranboo, piglin hybrid! reader, slight canon divergence from dream smp, fluff, found family au is my shit, reader is now ranboo’s parent i don’t make the rules, techno is a grumpy father but it’s okay you love him, realistic minecraft? (idk how to describe it-), uh angst (if you squint)

pairing; c! technoblade x reader, platonic! ranboo x reader

word count; 1.2k

spotify playlist | main masterlist

< previous - next >

a/n; i forgot what my draft a/n said bc i accidentally deleted the og part 4 of this. but it's not like i wrote much for this part yet, so not much will change.

i think i did mention that i meant to make reader around techno's canon height so i think i've might've gotten it wrong in the last part but tbh idc too much abt it, i wanted reader to just be as tall as techno bc they're both piglins and yah know, big build go brrr

anyways with a whopping 195 votes for yes, reader will be fighting in the battle of the lake, although i won't write much abt it bc im bad at fight scenes

ALSO IF YOU GUYS WANT ME TO EXPLAIN WHY I PICKED CERTAIN SONGS FOR MY PLAYLIST SEND AN ASK SKDJKSJ I WILL GLADLY EXPLAIN-

"it's not like i have a choice, do i?" you moved to stand by techno and tommy, unsheathing your sword. you hear the sound of teleporting and within seconds, dream is right in the middle of the battlefield. you hid your surprise in seeing the male suddenly.

now i wasn't informed that tommy planned on working with dream for this... you thought, looking at the masked male.

"well, ain't this just fun." you said, catching dream's attention. both of you share a look (though you can't really see under his mask), a dead stare towards him as he nods at you in acknowledgement. you would have to talk to him later. "let's get this done quickly, shall we?"

"but who are you exactly?" sapnap had asked you.

"does it really matter when i'm about to kill you?"

"harsh." techno commented.

"says the one with the title of blood god." you shot back.

"this isn't the point! the point is..." you had long stopped listening to tommy's declarations and rants, patiently waiting for the battle to actually start. and start it did.

every move you made didn't even feel like you were doing anything. your muscle memory just guiding you through your fight. it didn't feel like you. your brain was on auto pilot. everything felt like a blur. quickly and almost underwhelmingly, the battle had ended with pogtopia winning.

you sheath your sword back to its normal place, right by your hip. your eyes half lidded and bored as you stared at tommy relish in the rewards of battle. "all of that for a fish?"

"not just any fish!" tommy huffed. you look at techno who has the same unimpressed look as you do.

"i'm going for a walk. i'll be back by night." you don't waste any time leaving, heading out to a much more secluded area of the smp. your thoughts mindlessly floating around as you take your time, walking.

"y/n."

you turn around, looking at the masked man, "dream."

"what are you doing here?"

"none of your business." a dead silence hangs for a moment. "i'm here for a favor."

"oh? is that so?"

"a favor that doesn't involve you. you don't need to know anything about it."

"well, if it involves you, it must be important. come on. we're friends, aren't we?"

"not on my own will. and not by yours. you and i both know we are not friends." your voice is low as you glare at dream. "we both have our benefits if we work with each other. that is why our deal exists. i would never want to work for you willingly."

"but i mean in a way, you're still working for me."

"that's what you think."

"i thought you said you fight for what you believe in." wilbur said.

"are you mocking me, mr. soot?" you raised an eyebrow at him. "i fought because it's not like i had much of a choice. tommy would've been on my ass about it if we lost."

"but you still fought. even if you didn't want to. you didn't even know who you were fighting for."

"i still do not know what i'm fighting for, even though you brought me here." you look at your hands, both of them shaking as you open and close your hands. "i was not myself during that battle."

"what do you mean?"

"i wasn't controlling myself. everything was a blur." you move your hands into your pockets in an attempt to stop the shaking. "i was not thinking, everything was like instinct." you explained it the best you could.

"is that the other reason you left l'manburg?"

"no. would you stop trying to figure that out?" your words held no sternness but wilbur knew better than to not push you further. you were never really one to try and hold your anger against someone.

"sorry. maybe you should just stick with techno for while? get some rest after that? i'm sure tommy won't go through much conflicts with others while you rest. i won't let him." wilbur put his hand on your shoulder. you sighed.

" 's fine. i'll be with techno then. i expect to have no communications alerts from tommy about fighting." you went to find techno in the ever so wonderful pogtopia ravine. wilbur watched as you left his view to find his twin.

"hello again tough guy." you entered the room, seeing techno turn his head to look at you before continuing to farm potatoes. "even after a battle, you're still working."

"revolution waits for no man."

"that is true." you sit next to a large chest filled to the brim with potatoes. "how are you after that battle?"

" 'm fine. it wasn't so bad." a beat of silence fills the room before techno speaks again, "are you okay?"

the question confused you, "what do you mean?"

"i saw you fighting in that battle. i knew that look in your eyes." you faintly think back to the fight, remembering how you didn't quite feel like yourself.

"was it that obvious?"

"maybe to me, i'm not sure about the others though. you didn't seem like yourself." he mindlessly harvests more potatoes as you rest your head against the stone walls.

you bit your lip, hesitant to tell him that he was right. were you even ready to fully trust techno with something like this? this may just be more important than i realize… you thought. “what did you see in my eyes at the time?” you asked, moving the subject just a little bit to move away from the main topic.

“... unrestraint. while your fighting was not very unrestrained, your eyes… they look hazed. i wouldn’t really say it was unrestrained but you seemed very spaced out and yet you still managed to fight like it was nothing.”

“i don’t really wanna talk about it, i still don’t know if i could trust you yet, mr. blade.” you joked, attempting to move the conversation forward to a different topic. “how long have you been planting these potatoes?”

“since i joined.”

“and when was that?”

“probably a week before i met you?” he guessed.

“that’s pretty impressive. you seem really focused on everything that you do.” you commented.

“it’s sort of my thing.” techno shrugged. “i had a 9 month war about potatoes.”

“holy shit. and you won?”

“of course i won.” he started to ramble about the potato war, while you listened to him in full interest. despite how ridiculous the whole war sounded, you had to admit it was pretty amazing.

“who knew the blood god would be so intent on beating a kid to win a war about potatoes.” you joked. “i never would’ve guessed that you would be so passionate about potatoes.”

“well, never judge a book by its cover.” techno hummed, wiping the leftover dirt on his hands as he finished farming. “you got any stories of your own to share?”

“i have a few. they’re not very interesting though. they were all stories from my times in l’manburg.”

“you lived in l’manburg?”

“i was the general of the army.”

taglist; @justahostaccount, @olyink​, @aikochan4859​, @classycookiebailiffstudent​​, @stickk-bugg, @goldensunshineshit​, @sadlyitsme-boohoo​, @jace-the-ace12​, @2cuteforyourlies​, @lvlyjuro​, @kiinokochii​, @anxiousnarwhale​, @jaciahbabes​

[taglist closed]

[wastelandcth]

best years - cth

summary: dovey and calum go through a rough patch, leading dovey to believe she gave up her best years. 

author’s notes: hello everyone...this is angst and part one out of two. good luck! inspired by this tik tok. 

warnings: angst and sad overall

masterlist || request || more doves

I’ve got a million reasons to hesitate and baby a million more are added every day.

Dovey had always been there for Calum. She'd been there through the drama that came along with being in a well-known band. She'd been there through the highs and the lows, through the rumors and controversies. Dovey had stuck through everything and every day it seemed like more and more came into light, like the man she had fallen in love with became a stranger. Suddenly, Calum was no longer her best friend who would tell her everything, he was the stranger in her bed who hardly was around. 

The fight hadn't been intentional. Most of the time, the Doves would talk anything out. Whether it be a disagreement over something small like where the pillows on the couch should go or whether it was something big like how their lives would be affected by the latest album release. This time, it was different, stubbornness and yells meant that Dovey found herself in a lonely bed while Calum locked himself away in his office. And with only a few days left before Calum left for tour with no plan on when or if Dovey would join him, the Doves went to sleep in different beds. 

It had started when he'd left for tour. Usually, Dovey would drive him to the airport and stay until the band's flight was called and she had given him one last hug until they were reunited again. This time, Calum had suggested saying their goodbyes at home that it would be the best since there would probably be a lot of fans at the airport. Although she wasn't too please with their break from tradition, Dovey found herself hugging him on their doorstep, whispering a soft I love you before the man she loved stepped into the car that had been waiting. 

The next time Dovey realized something had changed, she had been on facetime with him. He'd seemed distant, his eyes drifting off from the screen and his interest in whatever conversation he and Dovey were having being torn away at some joke Michael had told. Dovey thought he might've noticed something was off when she had hung up on the call, hoping he'd call her back and she could claim it was an accident, but her phone never rang again that night. It felt like the harder Dovey tried to connect with the man who was an ocean away living his dream, the more she realized exactly how disconnected they were becoming. 

I spent so much of me on you I forgot who I became.

The longer that Calum was away on tour, the more Dovey found herself. Days that would've been spent alone in a foreign city while Calum was in a radio gig were now spent with friends in the city she'd learn to call home. Mornings, where she’d usually wake up in a cramped bunk next to a grumpy Calum, were spent taking Duke on a hike and clearing her head. 

One day after she'd gotten home from the grocery store, a pang in her heart threatened to ruin the good mood she'd been in when she saw Luke's partner post a picture of them all in front of some monument miles away. But with a shake of the head and a double-tap on the screen, Dovey put some music on and danced the tears away. It wasn't until later that night when her mind was awake that she clicked on the picture again, finding those brown eyes she'd fallen in love with two years ago staring back at her. She could tell something was different, that the smile he had on didn't reach his eyes and his eyes didn't shine like they normally did when he was having the time of his life. But things were different now, and Dovey wasn't going to let her life revolve around him as she did before. If he wanted to talk to her as much as she wanted to talk to him, he would've called. He had her number and for some unknown reason, had decided to not use it. 

Finally found a reason to walk away. 

The final straw had been a picture. Dovey had been used to seeing fan meetings on her social media, smiling fans grateful to have been able to meet Calum and talk to him for even just a second. But the second a video of him had started circling around the internet and made its way onto her screen, Dovey had just about had enough of the stupid shit Calum had been putting her through the last two months. She understood being too busy for at least a phone call or text. Touring was hard work and Calum was known for pushing himself to the limit. She understood wanting space from one another that maybe this tour was something Calum needed to do on his own in order to clear his mind and think about what their relationship meant to him. But the one thing Dovey wouldn't stand by his side when he was the one that had been telling people she was the one who hadn't wanted to join him. She wasn't going to stand by his side while he told his bandmates and the rest of the world that she hadn't wanted to join him because she was being dramatic. If Calum wanted drama, Dovey could be dramatic. 

The house that I built you made it a mess. 

Dovey had been out of their house, the house that had been filled with memories of them and their love, for about two weeks now. Duke had joined her in the passenger seat of her car that sunny afternoon when she had stuffed all her belongings into the back seat and rode off out of the city. Her parent’s house that brought along the comfort and warmth she had been craving for months was a few hours away and far enough away that any reminders of Calum could be put aside. The small town she had left all those years ago brought her peace and gave her the space she needed from whatever waited for her back in LA, if anything even did wait for her. 

Her mother had met her in the driveway, a tight embrace and promises of better times made Dovey's heavy heart lighten up as she saw her childhood home still pretty much the same as the day she had left it. The living room still had candles everywhere and the tv was playing the same movie channel her mother loved to watch on her days off from work. The kitchen was still stocked with snacks and fruits that seemed too real to be fake. And the backyard was still a playground for any and every dog Dovey had brought home, even Duke who had settled on laying in a sunspot to nap. 

Her bedroom had brought on a new set of challenges, the posters on the walls and the albums on the shelves brought tears to her eyes as she saw those brown eyes looking back at her. He'd be back in their house soon. Dovey wondered how he'd react to find himself in an empty house. What he would think of when he saw the letter she had left him on the kitchen counter since at that point any attempt to call or text him was met with radio silence. He'd probably try to call her at that point, she hoped, but only to see where Duke was or he'd get Ashton to do it for him. Dovey wasn't too sure about anything when it came to Calum anymore. She wasn't sure if he would even care that she had left the gold band on the counter next to the letter or that she had left her keys to the house in the little ceramic tray they had painted on one of their dates so many months ago. 

I’m left with broken pieces can't help how I ran out of tears.

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since the tour had ended and Dovey hadn't heard from any of them. She hadn't heard from Calum since before she'd left the house almost a month ago and she hadn't even gotten a text message from Luke, who would update her on what had been going on during the tour. It was been one week since Dovey had run out of tears. One week since she had decided that leaving was the best option and that she had made the right choice. 

It had been a week since she realized just how much of herself she'd given away to Calum only to have nothing left for herself. It took her two weeks to realize that if he had wanted to talk to her, he would. If he had wanted to see her or even Duke for that matter, he would've driven to where she was. So when her tears were dry and the pain in her chest was nothing more than a dull pressure whenever she thought about him, she began to fix whatever broken pieces she could. 

It began when she packed away all the old posters that hung on her wall, the smile on every single one leaving her breathless like it always would when she saw it in person. The sparkle in his eyes bringing fresh tears to hers, tears that she would blink away and continue on with taking him out of her life. By the time her childhood bedroom was nothing more than the furniture and bare walls, Dovey felt lighter than she had in months. It didn't last long. As sleep called her name and her eyes closed, Dovey was brought back from whatever dream she was about to enter when the buzzing noise went off next to her head.

I'm sorry. 

I lost all my best years just missing my best years. past love burned out like a cigarette im free now baby all I regret are my best years. 

Sitting in the living room, watching back old family movies and nursing the drink in her cup, Dovey couldn't help but feel like an idiot. She'd given Calum the best years of her life. Gave him all the good times and shared the most wonderful moments with him all for him to leave her with silence and no explanations. She'd gone through the stages of grief, had tried to make her new life without his work, and then he had shoved his way back in with no warnings in the middle of the night. 

The text message hadn't been the only thing Calum had sent, no matter how hard Dovey had wanted it to be. He'd sent her a voice note, a five-minute ramble where his accent had gotten too thick for Dovey to try and decipher what he was saying through the tears and sniffling. He'd apologized for the silence, apologized for the lies, and even apologized for forcing the silence he'd caused from the rest of the band. But Dovey wasn't going to just let him into her life so easily, she wasn't going to let him in after the months of silence and heartbreak. She'd lost all her best years and she needed to find herself again before she could ever consider letting Calum have more of the best of her. 

taglist:  @hoodhoran​ @finelliine @moonlightcriess​ @dinosaursandsocks @mxgyver​ @calpops​ @karajaynetoday​ @notlukehemmo​ @calumrose​ @devilatmydoor​ @lyss-xo​ @lowkeyflop

[saltandstranger]

Fruits in the Fridge and A Ram in the Thicket

On this exact day two years ago, I had one of the most unexpected plot twists of my life. I was then at the hospital emergency room waiting to be brought to the telemetry unit because the doctors apparently found out I had a heart murmur (more of that particular night's story right here).

Just months later, I had a heart surgery. And here I am 2 years later, typing away on my laptop, sipping tea on a very normal January evening, with my heart beating as strong and steady as ever.

What. a. crazy season it's been for all of us. But we've got an even crazy better (crazy gooder? crazier better?) God who got us through to the other side!

So hello there, 2022! I'm just gonna put it out right there that I am very excited for what's ahead of me this year - and I don't mean that in a naive/cliche way. I'm just genuinely excited and hopeful - it's the kind of hopefulness that's steadfast, unwavering, and enlarging. The kind that's anchored on God's faithfulness.

You see, January being sort of a "trial month" has been a running joke I've heard quite a number of times haha. But you want to know what I really think? I think it's worth going premium with our subscription for the rest of the year. It's true!! There's just something when the new year rolled in and I know it's because of God's resurrection power bringing dry bones back to life.

And so I simply can't let the first month of the year without sharing a piece of my mind through this write up haha (sorry dear stranger, I know I haven't been on here much hehe although I have been writing & journaling more frequently again!) Anyway, do allow me to ramble on for a bit. This is as real and raw as it gets.

I remember last December, we decided to keep Noche Buena very simple. We prepared just the traditional staples. Though I thought to myself on Christmas Eve Eve (the night before Christmas Eve haha), "wouldn't it be nice to have fruits for Christmas Eve?"

I'm telling you - God's ways are tender and His timing is impeccable. Little did I know that someone gave the Bible School staff some fruits days ago and left it in the fridge. My friends just got reminded of it and told me to get it during our church's Christmas Eve service. I was worried it would already be dried up it's still all fresh! I immediately felt the Spirit of God impress to me that just as it was with the fruits in the fridge, so is He with His promises for me.

Grabe naman, even as I'm typing right now in real time, He's speaking and revealing more things to me!

I have this larger-than-life dream that I've put on the shelf the past 2 years. I knew someday, I'd have to find the courage and strength to take it out of the shelf and wipe away the dust that might've layered the surface. But you know, just like those fruits in the fridge that were still fresh - God kept my dream preserved. I'm surprisingly unsurprised that there wasn't any dust after all. I got the dream from the shelf, it still had sparkles in it.

God has some instructions for me about my dream and there definitely is no question - I will go for it. Can I be honest though? Up until recently, I was waiting for a follow up ("God what's next?" Namsayin?). I limited myself with the "usual" process of step 1, step 2, step 3 that I almost forgot that God can never be boxed. During a convo with my mentor when she asked me what is it I'm desiring for, I've come to understand what's been there all along - that God's instructions are never incomplete and they are never without provision and grace!

There's always a ram in the thicket - but I've first got to stop squirming at the altar and just lay still. HAHA. Obedience and surrender. It sounds daunting but in truth, it's less so especially that I have proven out time and time again that obeying God and going all in with Him is the most strategic, productive, effective way because His Word has been established long before the foundations of the world. And our faithful God, in His sovereignty, orchestrates things in our lives so that we would enter into His due seasons where His promises would be seen fulfilled right in front of our own eyes. But it's a dance you see. God initiates and we respond in obedience.

I know it's urgent that I step in but by no means am I in a haste to overtake Him. I intend to be present and focus on "what is" instead of trying to map out the "what ifs" on a decision flowchart.

I know my God isn't just the Alpha and the Omega - He is also the God of the middle. My middle. My present. So as we go into the "premium months" of 2022, I will just be present in the here and now and will keep on leaning, contending, delighting, and letting Him write desires on my heart.

I've said it once, I'll say it again - I'm excited for this year! So let this real, raw, unedited ramble be a marker for where He's about to bring me into!

I don't really know how to end my post for tonight haha so I'm just gonna say see you soon!

Photo circa 2019 (I seriously need to take trips and take more photos this year!)

-K🌊

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: this is why i don't wear shoes Ali: i have lost one??? Ali: rescue it if you see it Carly: what do they look like Ali: just a kinda tan sandal thing Ali: just a penneys special so not the end of the world, should chuck the other one so someone can have the pair Carly: come & bring me food & then youll be here to reunite them Carly: but yea k will lean out my door & see if its there Ali: love the enthusiasm, babe 😜 Ali: can feel your come down from here Carly: dont barely remember the come up Carly: wtf happened last night Ali: not in a much better position myself but uhm Ali: mayhem, that's for sure Ali: i think you might've gone home with the wrong cousin Carly: shit Carly: my bad Carly: better read my txts Carly: who did you go w ? Ali: didn't go that far with anyone Ali: 💍 remember and such a 😇 Ali: ronan was in a mard though and i weren't up for listening to that so 🤷 Carly: aw Carly: sorry baby i'll calm him down Ali: it's chill 😂 bless him Ali: no need on my account tho i'm sure he'd be down, despite protests otherwise Carly: my inbox is Carly: cba w this rn Ali: oh baby, want a bacon sarnie and a secretary? Carly: yea Carly: gonna throw my phone w your shoe Ali: i woke up to a mystery dickpic on my phone Ali: is it rude to ask which one it belongs to because lads, sorry, not that memorable that i'm picking it out of a line-up Ali: you'll know, been more recent, i'll come over with food and lucozade for real and ruin your day with that lovely image and the actually rather creative sexts that went with it Ali: 10/10 for effort, sir Carly: cant put it on the cv or school report but my memory for 'em is good Carly: if ive seen it i'll id it Carly: ill laff if its the large ginge cousin whose name i never got Carly: sounded like a cough Ali: that's a talent and if the man can't see that, fuck him Ali: and his job in tescos, like Ali: i mean, shouldn't have a preference but i hope not 😂 Ali: soz honey but Carly: thanks baby Carly: I hope its that token english Carly: he was fit Ali: can reply if you like Ali: worse ways to waste a sunday morning than messing with boys Ali: sounding like a priest Ali: oops Carly: ha Carly: i found some fucking funny vids of us so maybe the phone shouldnt go out window before youve had a look Ali: yes, i need to see that Carly: [sends her fave of the vids] Ali: aww Ali: we're fun drunks Ali: love that for us Carly: yea Carly: im a messy bitch tho Carly: no wonder i went w the hero cousin Ali: meh, things happen at parties, everyone knows that Ali: not like you're proper attached is it Ali: though he's gonna be annoying now probs but day in the life when you're irresistible, yeah? Carly: youd know babe Carly: he wont be on site long never is Carly: so idc Carly: saved me for a nite boy youre welcome Ali: duh Ali: hottest couple in town Ali: one for the wank bank anyway Carly: yea & he is fit Carly: give him that Carly: esp when i dont understand what hes saying Ali: the best kind Ali: a boy you don't have to speak to 😜 Ali: if that's all it takes like, whip out the Gaeilge Carly: youve got the giggles but yea Carly: true Carly: but on site id just have all the oldies chatting at me if i could Carly: not trying to make them go weak Ali: they ain't daddies? boo 😥 Carly: some got many kids but thats it Carly: say something to me then Ali: [sends voice memo, probably has dirty words she'd recognise from site life and lots of loling] Carly: k Carly: so hot Carly: if your gf is mad at me for stealing you last nite you can smooth things over w her like that Ali: might have to Ali: though it ain't you she's 😤 with Ali: poor ronan, shoulda done more than snog him if she comes for him, not even worth it for that Carly: ill protect him when he lets me back near Carly: cant stay mad at this Carly: sure your girls the same Ali: She's mad 24/7 babe, just gotta hold on, like 😂 Ali: we want different things now but that's not a convo for this morning like jesus Carly: whos got the energy Carly: cba w angry Carly: yea you want a sarnie Ali: exactly, and i wanted to have fun last night but may as well have said i want his dick in or around my mouth k bye babe Carly: ha Carly: that would be fun tho Ali: tell that to past you, dashing his threesome dreams like 🤷💔 Carly: still time Ali: not me you need to promise baby Carly: yea but id rather talk to you Ali: 💚 Ali: you cute Carly: all you Carly: how you look so good coming from band? wtf Ali: psh please Ali: it was all about you 🙇 Carly: if that was true why is every memory i got from last nite just you Carly: facts Ali: had to get you away from that mirror somehow, like 😉 Ali: it was fun Carly: ha Carly: cuz your talents got me like Carly: yea it was Ali: helps when the canvas already beautiful babe Carly: aw Carly: youre sweet Ali: 🍓 Carly: gonna make me cry Ali: don't cry lil one Ali: the bacon is coming Ali: got roped into doing a shady kid swap, where is my ma, take this demon child Carly: you can bring him if you want Carly: ill put clothes on before Ali: cockblocked again 😉 Ali: nah, he needs to go get shoes Ali: ironically and unlucky, twat Carly: what size is he Carly: i can ask around when i look for yours Carly: lads flog everything and anything here on sundays Ali: his feet are big man Ali: he's only little but he's lanky af, unlike me Ali: that's fun tho Ali: imma go shopping Carly: aw Carly: yea wish i was taller Carly: ffs ma and da Ali: literally Ali: least neither of my sisters are model tall or i'd be more raging Ali: we make it work, babe Carly: & i dont have any sisters Carly: well done on that one tho ma & da Ali: speak for yourself Ali: i'm gutted Carly: oww Carly: trying to replace me like the vows were no thing Ali: you know you're my one and only Ali: but a woman got needs Carly: thats what your gf is for Carly: no Ali: yeah but i'm allowed wishful thinking too Ali: damn Carly: ive given you the mental image of me naked Carly: what more you need Ali: are you jealous of your hypothetical sister? Carly: yea if you like her more Ali: aw baby, 'course not Ali: she's a ride, yeah, but bit of a bitch too, like Carly: ha Carly: takes after our ma like Ali: sadly, straighter than you Ali: 👎 Carly: like theres a ranking Carly: just straight or not yea Ali: I mean, it is a scale but I'm not gonna try and bond with your Ma giving her the test for it, like Ali: could we tie her down for a sec, obvs Carly: hit her when shes washing up Carly: takes long Ali: okay, i'll dry 😉 Ali: what an offer Carly: trying to make me vom now Carly: take crying or blushing over Ali: soz babe Carly: her & my da dont fuck but still dont reckon youre her type Ali: don't know what's worse, that, or knowing they do Carly: im good w them not Carly: sound carries Carly: no secrets in the caravan Ali: sure there's a toilet block they could go to Ali: keeping it sexy Carly: sure my da's there doing his cry wank Carly: while my ma checks the talent Carly: we got that to look forward to in our marriage in a few years Ali: who's scouting who's cranking Ali: because frankly, i refuse either Carly: im the biggest slag so probs me Carly: sorry Ali: and I'm not Ali: igloo sisters how many times now?! 😂 Carly: ha Carly: but youre loyal Carly: me and my ma dont kno the meaning like Ali: am i Ali: you miss the part when i got on ronan Carly: o yea Carly: i forgot Ali: idk what i'm gonna do about that Ali: instant gameover but its literally so irrelevant Carly: hes a ride Carly: you should be excused for it Ali: she's a 6 on that scale, yeah, massive gay Ali: so she ain't seeing that, never mind the other shit Carly: shit yea Carly: dont tell her Ali: does that make me the worst? Ali: i should hm Carly: hes not gonna speak to her Carly: and if he brags you can call it that Ali: Yeah Ali: I don't know Carly: its that or tell her Carly: & say youre sorry Carly: we were all wasted Carly: not like you have feelings for him Ali: You're right, obviously Ali: like that's the truth but yeah Ali: might leave it unless I need to go there Ali: soz God, swing by confession later Carly: tell her youre a bi cliche Carly: she'd love it Carly: use the scale Ali: she would tho Ali: validate everything she's ever sneaky or not so thought about me Ali: soz, i need a constant stream of p n v or i die Carly: a girl has needs Carly: what am i a 1? Ali: its like dis Ali: 1- all straight 2- mostly straight but lil gay 3- equal/bi 4- mostly gay but still lil into opposite 5- total gay Ali: but not gonna resist the urge to tell you you a 10 Carly: 🥇 Carly: i like that you're 3 tho. 3's a lucky number Ali: and a magic one 🔮 Carly: yea cuz youre magical Ali: believe it baby Carly: i do Ali: right, finally leaving, be like 10 Ali: doing the opposite to a walk of shame rn, strutting back in like what's good Carly: you gotta Carly: own it baby Carly: havent found your shoe tho sorry Carly: maybe ronan took it cuz he loves you so bad Ali: 😂 oh my god Ali: like a horny puppy Carly: yea Carly: building a shrine to you rn probs Ali: or he wanna play cinderella Ali: such a ridiculous fairytale, as far as they go Carly: how wasted was the prince that he cant remember what she looks like Carly: k been there but not trying to wife anyone Ali: right?! also, sure plenty of bitches a size 5, like??? Ali: was it a magic shoe Ali: no explanation, frankly Carly: yea like me and you have the same size Carly: ill take your prince for a ride bitch Ali: 😂 Ali: he cool with that Ali: that's the tea Ali: boy gives no fucks, long as it ain't a man in drag Carly: he hasnt met your brother tho Carly: boy looks good Ali: eww Ali: stop that thought right there Carly: dont get jealous Carly: not gonna go there Ali: not jealous, but repulsed 😷 Carly: k babe Carly: if you say so Ali: trust, you wanna see jealous you'll see it soon enough if you go there Ali: 😂 bea don't fuck about Carly: have to go for one of your other hot brothers Ali: trying be my sister in law and wife Ali: kickin it country Carly: you kno Carly: been on site too long Ali: forreal, not gotta hang with the traveller lads that hard baby Carly: after last nite not gonna be hanging w them for a while Ali: let 'em fight it out amongst themselves Ali: defs for the best Carly: yea Carly: hide w me babe Carly: gonna be so bored Ali: gonna Ali: i'll peep their wares another day Ali: not a euphemism Carly: sounds dirty tho Ali: yeah, regretted it as i said it but hey Ali: love me a sale and a gypsy boy Carly: no regrets boo Carly: they love you too Carly: esp whoever send the dick pic Ali: the real mystery Ali: soz everyone else with your drama but we gotta know Carly: i do need to be knowing Carly: thats my wife lads Ali: awh you gonna defend my honour n delicate sensibilities Carly: yea Carly: youre an angel Ali: you're so cute Carly: its you Carly: my parents came back Carly: gonna have to run Ali: oh no i am en route Ali: where you going boo Carly: i'll catch you and we can find somewhere theyre not Carly: ha church Carly: can you eat there cuz im not looking to die for jesus Ali: yeah for sure, not in the pews like its the cinema, like Ali: can go park if you wanna Ali: or up the mountain if you can hack it, like Carly: youre so smart Carly: like your mouth Carly: but yea Carly: date time Ali: awh yeah Ali: this picnic ain't goals i'm so sorry babe Ali: least the weather's looking up Carly: idc Carly: get to be w my boo Ali: 😍 Carly: i look crazy Carly: havent got dressed faster w out getting fucked before since idc Carly: idk Ali: i like crazy Ali: and beside me you'll probs look totally normal 😉 Carly: you look hot every day baby Carly: facts Ali: all these compliments got me feeling 🔥 obvs Carly: thats how i want it Ali: gonna have you flying high too Ali: top of the world, baby Carly: aw Carly: whats in the food like Ali: 😂 Ali: just faith n trust n pixiedust, of course Carly: you can snort pixiedust yea? Carly: k Ali: you gon' be mad when i've got nothing but sandwiches and half a donut Carly: nah Carly: cant be mad at you Carly: too cute Ali: and donuts are life Carly: true