#i forget the pain every time
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Me: I'm a big boy with lots of tattoos, the pain ain't shit I can handle it
Me, when I hear the buzz and the artist say "you ready?"
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Delicious in Dungeon PV 3 | The Canaries
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#mithrun#cithis#lycion#otta#fleki#pattadol#tansu floke#cithis ofri#mithrun of the house of kerensil#dungeon meshi spoilers#delicious in dungeon spoilers#every time i forget what a pain colouring anime is#so this is too messy for my proper blog#but. mithrun.... <3#i cant wait for his fight scenes#also his voice is sooo good hsdfsdhf
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Munakata swung the saber down with his arm perfectly straight, like becoming one with the blade, and touched Fushimi’s left shoulder ...Keep the order firmly. You are now a blue guardian of justice.
#k project#project k#munakata reisi#reisi munakata#fushimi saruhiko#saruhiko fushimi#anisource#animeedit#my graphics#they look so pretty in this scene so i couldn't resist giffing it#not to mention how much i love the way it's described in the novel#just two wet cats having a moment in front of the whole clan#every time i forget what a pain colouring k is
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Okay so here a clip from 2023 driver ranking vid
My question is - HOW LOGAN FORGOT THAT HE'S RATING NYCK WHEN THEY ALREADY HALFWAY THROUGH RANKING???? DID HE GET LOST IN OSCAR EYES OR
#loscar#logan sargeant#oscar piastri#honestly i feel like that homophobic dog meme every time i see something new with them#not tagging nyck bc i don't think that ppl looking through his tag need to see his painful thidweeling#like i thought that checo was bad but.......#LOGAN HOW DO YOU FORGET THIS#like they film it all in what? five-ten minutes? h o w do you get this distracted that you forget about the guy right in front of you😭#also any pictures of three of them on pres conferences..... nyck i will always remember you as the strongest soldier of third wheeling
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one of my fave traits about erik is how sassy he is so i dont understand how im always surprised to find during rewatches of the xmen movies that he is So Sassy at like. any given moment
#xmen#xmen first class#i rewatched first class tonight so im just tagging that but this applies throughout the movies tbh vlakjklj#erik lehnsherr#snap chats#i think its cause i just watched dofp last night and hes Considerably less sassy there ...#the lil 'no helmet: i couldnt [go against the plan] even if i wanted to' is my favorite tho but otherwise its just pain ....#SHUT UP THIS IS A GIGGLY POST ima make myself sad again ..#i keep thinkin bout how i cant wait to have free time so i can draw cause i wanna draw saw cherik cause i HATE MYSELF#and now this post has derailed. excellent.#IN ANY CASE this can be said about most marvel characters but it just tickles me with erik the most#cause even Old Man Erik is such a little shitter 😭😭💀#watching jean and cyclops about to fight in the second movie and he really gotta make a quip to mystique about#'we cant quarrel with THIS love affair' GIRLFRIEND. BE SO SERIOUS RN#NO CAUSE EVEN IN THE BACK OF THE JET WHEN MEETING PYRO AND CO AND THEY WERE GIGGLING#I CANT. the sillies ..... i forget who they were chortling about atm i just know they were so silly and i love them#its doing an excellent job at distracting me from the fact he's trying to subdue every non-mutant human vjaerlkjkeal#ok obligatory nightly xmen ramble over
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Based on a painting of Princess Victoria by Winterhalter
#my art#1860s fashion#victorian fashion#19th century fashion#not me painting more pearls#every time I see them in a painting I go 'ooh pretty'#and forget how much of a pain in the ass they are
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Viktuuri week day 6: Love
#no one said love had to be happy#love can also be the indescribable pain of abandonment and longing because some times cupids arrow just hits at the wrong time#and i love making my little paper dolls suffer#i had actually planned on making all the pieces for viktuuri week sad or angsty in some way but i ran out of time and fluff is so much fast#but ive had this piece planned since like july so i was NOT giving it up#also this is the only piece with my trademark flower symbolism and i couldnt just not stick to my brand#the flowers used are sacred lotus; red spider lily and camellia japonica dahlonega if you wanna know their meanings in hanakotoba#look at me being nice#giving you the names instead of you having to figure it out on your own#i really do sometimes forget that other people havent spent hour long sessions researching flower language and symbolism#so like if you wanna know the meaning of a flower ive used in a piece just ask#i will happily rant about my thought process#anyway ANGST#yes i did take great pleasure in getting to draw every detail of this and especially his pained facial expession#AND THE HAIR#drawing the highlights gave me life#and just MMM i loved drawing this so much#yuri on ice#yoi#yuri on ice fanart#yoi fanart#fanart#art#arom antix art#arom antix#viktor nikiforov#viktuuri week
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watching Fit's vod playing mcc island and every time he goes into F5 and I see Ramón's goggles I take +5 psychic damage :)
#the pain is big and my day is ruined#but artea is in the lobby so you know! up and downs!#i forget his skin every single time and the pain hits my sternum dead on each time#qsmp#qsmp fitmc
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ive had a week to grapple with this but nope brain still whirring over the idea of "you might need to actually get a cane"
#at every level I know it would be a good thing if I got one#I had a ROUGH week with the joint pain last week#and several times in the last few months ive thought to myself#god I wish I had a cane#which. that says a lot in and of itself#a cane would make things so much more convenient for me#it would make my job easier#it would make me want to go for walks again#it would make the bus easier#it would be really helpful on my upcoming trip#and I know this#I know this on every level#but theres still that part of me thats like#im 25 and I need a cane#im 25 I take good care of my body im active and I need a cane#which is an entirely unfair mindset and puts blame on things beyond my control#but theres still this. mourning#almost#getting braces for my joints is one thing#those are typically easily hidden under my clothes#easy to forget#a cane is not#a cane is an admission I need help to get around#not all the time but sometimes#and thats a scary thing to admit to myself#but im trying to embrace every part of this journey#im disabled and thats ok#im not broken#just built different#and thats what mobility aids are there for
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i think ive mentioned this before but like i cannot stress enough how fucked up i think it is that i started dissociating at such a young age and continued that for months and never realized
#crunchyposts#me ventilating#the mental illness chronicles#not as bad as others but like i was so young. im still young and this happened years ago so#and throughout those months i was like 'maybe the situation isnt as bad as i think it was'#meanwhile every time my brain tried to remind me of the situation i immediately started to forget that the world around me was real#tw dissociation#tw derealization#i was constantly saying to myself 'maybe youre overreacting' while i wandered through life feeling weird when people said my name#because i forgot that other people were aware of my existence#this did also make me a worse person i am a lot meaner to strangers now bc i forgot that they were also real#im better now i swear i know yall are real i know that im typing this#i know my name i dont feel as weird when i see pictures of myself#but i just get really mad on behalf of younger me being put in a situation that forced their brain to dissociate#there was probably someone i couldve talked to about this but i was barely aware of anything happening aroud me let alone the concept#of dissociation so#i say im ok now bc i dont want yall to worry im really fine now i just wannt to rant#wow i found old messages saying it caused me physical pain#and the next message was 'nevermind we're back to everything feeling fake we're good now' isnt that fucked up. trauma babyyyyyy
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Sometimes I suspect autism and then I immediately push it down into the gutter and forget that I could ever have it. Like why was I so shy my kindergarten teacher who was 70 at the time and had been doing it for about 40-50 years suspected something was wrong with how shy I was and only when my sibling came during parent teacher conferences did she think this kid is a Little Normal because at least I played with them 😭 why do I walk on my toes and pace around listening to the same song on repeat for 4 hours. Why do I SUCK at making conversation irl and freeze up and feel stuck like I can't do anything when people are watching me. What is wrong with my brain other than the fact that I'm mentally a little unwell
#personal#could it all be adhd? because I do suspect that after ........21 years of being undiagnosed and reaping no support whatsoever for it#like idk how I did well in school half the time I was too bored to actually fucking listen or it was physically painful#to have to sit in a chair for an hour and 20 minutes and listen to fuckijgb TALKING#or oh thats why I reread the same page 7 times before I can just barley understand the first sentence#maybe thats why I kept forgetting all my belongings in every room to the point teachers just knew#when there was a random item in their room it was mine from last period#thats why I just completely forget what I'm gonna say AS I'M FUCKING SAYING THE GOD DAMN SENTENCE#that's why I obsess over pieces of media to the point I feel empty bored and suicidal without something to worship for 3 years#till I'm bored again.
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#meeting the sociologist/philosopher who flew in from barcelona and got basically no sleep just 2 be on time to our date soon#im wearing the earrings the ex situationship person chose for me. they have 3 sharp metal bits hanging down from them. it feels#cold like a knife and also they make noise whenever i take a step which acts a little like a friend and also a beating. dont forget who cho#for you. do you miss her? do you miss her? when you see his face will you miss her?#im going to look someone else in their eyes today#im going to study with my friend today and tomorrow#i had a call w a friend yesterday . he taught me logic metatheory intensively and he also said this whole experience has been painful for#him and the rest of my friends bc its like watching someone nearly drink cyanide over and over#it made things a bit clearer#he said its like watching a lion get declawed and that i was essentially unrecognisable. something happened to his friend#and he wanted his friend back#so im going to go back.#he said he doesnt mind dying alone. he asked why hes doing philosophy and i said pure love and he said thats true#im supposed to be in love w abstractions more than ppl#and im supposed to be in love w my friends before any romantic partner#ok going up tottenham ct escelators is a religious experience recently bc every time i will either make eye contact w the most beautiful#person ever or be reminded of the way they held me on the way down here or how i held them on the way up#anyway lets go
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whatever, i'm not bitter i didnt have a movie-worthy middle school experience, i'm not bitter i spent most of my middle school years lonely and friendless and confused as to why i couldn't be like everyone else, i'm not bitter i spent them trying so hard to be someone lovable and failing miserably, i'm not bitter i spent them hiding in bathroom stalls and doing anything and everything for people who never considered me a friend only to be mocked, i'm not bitter i spent them not understanding why socialising was so draining and why i handled things so much worse than everyone else, i'm not bitter i spent them trying to kill myslef one way or another. or maybe i am, because i never did anything to deserve any of that. maybe i'm bitter because for so long i thought i did deserve it.
#finding out i was autistic helped for my future#but it didn't change my past#nothing could ever erase those painful years#and nothing will ever make me forget how i felt#every missed cue#every laugh at something i dont get#every thing i cant do#reminds me of the lonely scared child i was#sorry im talking abt this all deep like im not fucking fifteen#but it hurts and i know it'll keep hurting for a really long time#maybe forever#alex says shit#autism#actually autistic
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im gonna say it BEING FAT FUCKING SUCKS!!! STOP PRETENDING IT DOESNT!!!! BEING FAT IS AWFUL!!!
#and to clarify: it is Not terrible because of everyone around you#its terrible because its insanely fucking unhealthy to weigh as much as i do (300+ lbs)#and its restricting i cant excersize like i want to i cant jump without being in pain#bras always physically hurt me like they are So uncomfortable to wear#my terrible diet makes me feel worse than i already do for mental reasons#i look fucking terrible. okay? there. i said it. im ugly because im fat#i have huge rolls and a double chin and stretch marks and it looks UGLY!!!!!!!#my thighs chafe when i walk so i cant wear shorts above my knees. my underboobs sweat so much they stink#i look fucking terrible. i cannot emphasize how awful i look#and you know what? ive never known what its been like to be pretty#because ive been fat My Whole Fucking Life.#and my moms fat but its just us in our whole family! just us! everyone else is skinny#weve been trying to lose weight for years the two of us and it just doesnt fucking happen#i dont know my moms reasons but my reason is i just dont fucking care i think#like ill just give up and forget about it. i cant focus on it long enough#and frankly? counting calories makes me fucking miserable#like i already feel guilty every time i eat but when im counting cals its 100x worse#so guess what! im going to be morbidly obese my whole life and it will probably kill me.#i am going to die young and its literally my own fault#anyway my point is im happy for anyone whos fine with being fat literally good for you!!! im happy for you#but please dont force that upon me. ok? i hate being fat and thats literally my own business
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In my JD era
#heathers the musical#jason dean#jd heathers#heathers#freeze your brain#ive been through ten high schools/they start to get blurry/no point planting roots/'cause your gone in a hurry/#my dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den/so its only a matter of when/i dont learn the names/dont bother with faces/#all i can trust is this concrete oasis/seems every time im about to despair/theres a 7-Eleven right there/each store is the same/#from las vegas to boston/linoleum isles that i love to get lost in/i pray at my altar of slush/yeah i live for that sweet frozen rush/#freeze your brain/suck on that straw/get lost in the pain/happiness comes/when everything numbs/who needs cocaine?/freeze your brain/#freeze your brain/care for a hit?/does your mommy know you eat all that crap?/not anymore/#when mom was alive#we lived halfway normal/but now its just me and my dad/we're less formal/i learned to cook pasta/i learned to pay rent/#learned the world doesn't owe you a cent/you're planning your future veronice sawyer/you'll go to some college and marry a lawyer/#but the skies gonna hurt when it falls/so you'd better start building some walls/freeze your brain/swim in the ice/get lost in the pain/#shut your eyes tight/'til you vanish from sight/let nothing remain/freeze your brain/shatter your skull/fight pain with more pain/#forget who you are/unburden your load/forget im six weeks/youll be back on the road/when the voice in your head/says your better off dead/#dont open a vein/just freeze your brain/freeze your brain/go on and freeze your brain/try it#Spotify
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My little old lady dog has never liked me, no matter how many French fries I've bribed her with, but tonight she climbed into my lap and is laying down and won't move. At first I think it was because I was eating, but I finished the food and now she's layed down and cozy and won't move. I'm trapped under a little old lady dog who normally hates me. I want to sleep. What do I do.
#she was a rescue from a meth house when she was 8#we didnt think she'd last a year#now shes 13 and making it everyones problem#she has 14 teeth and puts them all to good use#she loves begging and whining for food even if its spicy or chocolate#literally was eating a spicy chicken sandwich and mnms earlier and she whined until i was done#and she has never liked me. i brought her home from the shelter#every time i came home to visit she geowled. i rarely get to pet her. occasionally she snuggles next to me for warmth#but thats it. ive tried to win her affection with snacks#but i think she has doggie dementia and just forgets who i am#but tonight she climbed into my lap and first it was def for the food i was eating#whoch was full of onions and garlic so i cant share#but then i finished the food and she just stayed#like shes layed down and comfy and possibly asleep by now#and she refuses to be picked up. its painful for her. so i cant just gently deposit her on the couch#shes a part of my lap now. but its 1am and im sleepytired#please advise
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