#i first heard the song when i was 14 so it could explain why i think about it so much

[tyrianluda]

I know the entirety of "Mein Teil" is amazing but there's this specific part that always sticks with me. it's where he's singing of how a cry will ascend to heaven and having the music change to reflect a angelic choir.

and as the part finishes, making the synth resemble that said cry but in a way which distorts it - sounding inhuman and human simultaneously.

[jaehaeryshater]

“You’ll have others”, he said. “Sweet babes, and trueborn.” Lysa had miscarried five times, twice in the Eyrie, thrice at King’s Landing.

Lysa and Jon Arryn, 284 AC, art by @sofikiii

“Her Lord Husband had told her it wasn’t her fault, that the baby didn’t make it. It was the first time Lysa had heard that, that something that happened wasn’t her fault.”

This, of course, is not a real life out of A Song of Ice and Fire, but the general sentiment got stuck in my head about a month and a half ago. After Hoster forced a miscarriage upon Lysa, I doubt that she had heard any words of comfort like that and that wrecks me. I couldn’t get it out of my mind, so I asked my good friend Sofia who I have worked with before if I could please commission this from her.

Lysa, for starters, is not the most morally upright character in A Song of Ice and Fire. Whether or not she realized it at the time, she did have two non consensual encounters at a young age with Petyr Baelish, she ends up killing her husband and aiding to the mental stunting of her young son, and she is very volatile and cruel with Sansa. She’s obviously not in her right mind, although that is not an excuse for all those actions, but there is an interesting story to tell as to why she’s not in her right mind, what led her to her current state of mind when we meet her. The most surface level answer to this (although of course this does not explain her action towards Petyr prior to this) is that her father Hoster Tully forced her to have an abortion because she got pregnant by Petyr Baelish, and then married her off to Jon Arryn, who was 20 years older than him, essentially old enough to be her grandfather. She was around 14 years old at this time. We learn from the text that she is consistently pregnant over the next 14 years and of her children, only Robert survived. With this art, depicting her first stillbirth, I hoped to show a moment in time leading up to her mental decline. My goal is not to justify the things she did because she suffered, but to show a moment in which she is a victim as part of a broader statement of how woman and, quite frankly, girls are treated in Westeros. I also did not want to romanticize her and Jon’s relationship, but given what we know about him, he probably comforted her and that must have been hard for her to internalize and healthily understand because he’s a person that is victimizing her, is older than her father, but she has to cling to in a way, both as a husband and potentially for this love that she is not currently getting from her family. She’s a very young girl in this and that was something else that I wanted to make sure to implement, that she has just gone through a pregnancy so is looking more mature, but she still has baby fat and a lot of childlike elements to it because in a modern sense, she’s still a kid. A kid that is grieving a baby.

As for the detailing in this art, we mostly have blue coloring for House Arryn. I wanted to do some pink on her walls, as this is her chambers instead of joint chambers with Jon (although historically, even if she had shared chambers with Jon, her confinement rooms would be completely separate anyway) and I wanted to really drive home the childlike aspect of it, that she’s girly and frilly and has this wonder about her that comes crashing down. However, we decided it wouldn’t look good with all of the blue detailings so we stuck with different shades of blue. Jon’s outfit is inspired by an outfit in the Princess Bride, I couldn’t tell you who wore the outfit because I have not seen the movie. It looks like this though, which I usually use a reference for Robert Arryn but it works well with Jon too.

The fish is a stuffed animal from Lysa’s childhood in Riverrun. I never decided if Minisa or Cat made one, but I would more so go with that Lysa and Cat had matching ones as children. I think Lysa would probably get rid of most of her things from the Riverlands because of how hurt she was emotionally, but I still liked the symbolism there and how she’s stuck between being a child and an adult. The portrait in the background is of Minisa. Although it would make sense for Lysa to shun most everything from her life before the Eyrie, seeing as Minisa was not involved in anything that happened to her that caused her harm, I do not think that would extend to her. There’s no reason for Lysa not to feel fondness towards her mother, and especially at the age she is in this depiction, it would make sense that she would want to feel her mother’s presence while in her confinement.

Lastly, this is the inspiration for the poses. The art is called Age and Infancy by John Opie.

Thank you for reading all of this and an even bigger thank you to Sofia!! Lysa is so interesting to me, Jon Arryn too just because of how long his life spanned. I love talking about them and commissioning things that I haven’t seen other people work on before.

[xuchiya]

need to know [j.yunho]

₊˚.༄ || filth valentines m.list || hongjoong || seonghwa || yunho || yeosang || san || mingi || wooyoung || jongho || ₊˚.༄

₊˚.༄ I heard from a friend of a friend That dick was a ten out of ten ₊˚.༄

  Yunho has been busy lately and you were not liking one bit of it. It has been weeks since you wanted to hang out with him and considering that he had been rejecting your invites; maybe it is time to spend some days without and let yourselves be on your own stories.

You can't blame Yunho for taking responsibility for his father's company so why would be a bad friend to him?

You dress up in less clothing for your stream much less by a short crop hoodie that shows a little of your cleavage then your tiny boxer shorts. A streamer of summer, that was your nickname given by your fans— Summer. You have always been a streamer for playing horror whether be a psychological or thrill chasing games, maybe sometimes by playing valorant.

    You were at first called out for dressing way too– short nonetheless you explain that you tend to be really comfortable with playing in less clothing and people see your excellence in playing. You throw on anti-rad glasses before starting your stream, “What is up my dudes! It’s your streamer– Summer and we’ll continue playing Poppy Playtime!”

 While waiting for the game to load, you read the comments, “Looking good as always …  Thank you … Playing alone today? Yeah since they didn’t want to play this one. San is too scared …  Where’s Yunho? Oh he’s currently busy— he’s been busy nowadays so I had to play this alone. “

  After the chapter ended, you were left with a heart attack and sore throat from getting sudden jump scare but overall you enjoy the whole game, you look towards at the camera, “Well that is it for the chapter 2 since the chapter 3 will be out soon and …” glancing at the time to see that you have been playing for just an hour, “aye it’s still early. Do you guys want me to play or just talk with you guys?”

  Some comments were saying to talk since it has been a while since you went live so you went with their request, “Okay okay I’ll answer some questions then …”

 “Since when did I start playing? I think it was around 3 years ago that I started streaming through the gameplays? I was 14 when I started doing my gameplays …”

“You dance? Of course, Yeosang and Wooyoung are actually my classmates in a studio we enrolled in.” 

“Where’s Yunho? Oh he’s at work, I’m little sad he has not been spending time with me like … Tell me your schedule, I got a lotta new tricks for you .. I’M KIDDING HAHAHA!”

“Do you like Doja Cat? Yes, a hundred percent yes, I’m a huge fan of hers speaking of that …” You opened your phone to show them your last song you listened to, “I swear this is my go to song when I’m feeling myself you know…” You chuckle showing them a hand gesture down to our body.  Some of your fans ask you to play the song, some of them want you to sing or mouth the lyrics, you cackle at the last one.

  “I can’t do that, it looks weird but we can still let this play and talk …”     The music plays—affecting not only your fans, not you who is feeling the actual lyrics but the one who has been watching from their phone ever since you started streaming. 

 “Do you want to know a french word? Je suis excite.. Je suis excite, that means I’m excited right? Excite probably is exciting .. Am I right?” you said your eyes were widened a little bit, looking at the comment section for confirmation and you see some were saying yes, right and correct.

 But little did you know, it meant something different else.

 Their pants had made themselves quite uncomfortable, tight and suffocating as their eyes not only stare at your gameplay but at your display cleavage. As much as they tried to not to look like a pervert but how could he— He has desires that he tried to stir away; afraid to ruin your friendship but with you said those words as if telling him that you are horny. Adding to the fact you just said something along the line of having ‘tricks’.

  “Ohmygosh I should go to sleep or Seonghwa-oppa would smack me in the head … I’ll see you guys soon.” You did your outro and the live ended.

  Yunho tucked back his phone, walking inside your shared apartment. He and you were able to share an apartment under your brother’s permission since they both work for the same company and he did not mind as long as you both had an agreement or house rules settled.

 Those words were a huge trigger to him as he had been evading your presence; as much as dumb it sounds, his dick can not cooperate with him. Whether you were in your hoodie or favourite pajamas, nothing beats when he wants you all for himself. Love you, praise you, worship you, choke you, dick you down—

  “Oh yuyu!” You were startled when you exit your room to see Yunho leaning on the counter with a cold drink in his hand, his eyes landing on your figure and all his last string snap when you just walk in with your zipper open, exposing your tits out.

  You tried to cover them last minute but Yunho was faster, grabbing your wrist, spinning you to pin you on his chest. He leaned down, voice gruff from the pain in his pants and overwhelming horniness spilling out of his body, “nice way to greet me … tits out? Do you walk around with this …” his other free hand ran up to your chest, playing with your nipple and giving it a squeeze, making you moan a little too loud but to Yunho's liking.

 “I-I thought you won’t be home … fuck! “ Yunho breathy laugh, giving your other boob the same treatment but this time adding a slap on it, your back arching in the pain and pleasure making your ass brush up on his hard dick in his pants. 

  “Feel that? you’re the cause of it … now be a good girl for me and choke yourself on my cock.” 

  

“F-fuck! … Yunho– Oh my God!” your face was red and sweaty from how many hours Yunho had you pinned down on your bed, taking you from behind; had his dick ramming himself back and forth, hitting every inch of your walls then his tip knocking at your cervix several times as if trying to reach a deeper part of you to bury his cum.

  “You don’t know how long i wanted to fuck you so dumb that it makes me want to go faster and harder on you .. do you like that? Do you want me to keep hammering you down on this bed like a bitch on heat?” You never knew Yunho was into this kind of thing, rough and mouthy.

 You were crying out of pleasure as Yunho drilled his cock deeper and deeper until you clench around him that had him smacking his (veiny) hands on your ass, “Yu-Yunho— eugh fuck– I’m gonna cum, gonna cum– !” Yunho continues slamming his hips as your eyes roll back as you reach your orgasm, creaming his dick and milking him dry. Yunho chuckles, wrapping one of his hands around your throat, pulling you closer, bottomless.

  “You like that huh? You like it when I fuck you this hard?” You dive on the sheets, Yunho's pace persistent in making his dick wet and creamy on your puffy pussy. You look over your shoulders, engulfed in overwhelming bliss, you speak with assertive tone, “clap me, choke me, bite me Yunho.” 

 Yunho pulls out, leaving just the tip inside as he adjust his grip from your throat down to your hips, in spite of that he shoves back while you pulling back, “FUCK!” you cried, your fingers circling around his wrist, “Yu-yu — wait you’re going too fast.”

 He shakes his head, his eyebrows arching, tongue poking the inside of his cheek, “I haven’t cum yet and we can fuck all night baby.” He keep thrusting back and forth,leaning forward to grasp both of your nipples in his fingers, twisting, pulling them.

  Your head swirling with so much euphoria that it sent electricity vibrating down your pussy as you were reaching your second orgasm quickly, this time a little different from the last one, long strings of ‘oh’ and ‘fuck’.

  “Tell me baby, i need to know one thing …” He licks his lips, pressing you on his bare chest, continue to pound inside of you, almost nearing his climax, “come on baby, i didn’t fuck you that dumb did i? Now answer me.”

  You were breathing hastily, orgasm around the corner but you know best that if you don’t speak now, Yunho won’t let you cum, “Wh-What is it?”

  “Have you been fantasising about this one? Did someone tell you?” You nodded, your head moving swiftly, you felt his chest vibrate as he breathy laughs, “Yeah? 

“ y-yes…”

“From who?”

  Your throat clogged yet you oblique, moaning when his tip brushes on your cervix once again, your dignity slowly crashing but who could you blame? You were fantasising all of this for the longest time that you slipped out to one of your friends about your huge daydream to Yunho that one of your friends may or may not slip about him.

  “I heard .. I heard from a friend of a friend … that your dick is better than their exes.” His hip halted, pulling out— groaning at the emptiness but you were taken back when Yunho pulled you off the bed and towards your balcony; your eyes widened as he pushes you the makeshift knitted lounge chair.

  “Well one …” yunho’s lips brush on your ears warmly, “I have never met your friends …” He inserted himself back in, slamming back on your pussy, “And second well .. they’re not wrong.”

 Yunho pace didn’t falter as he locked his arms on yours, your arms pulled on your back; your chest full on display, bouncing each time Yunho hammered back. Broken groans left Yunho and you were also reaching your climax, “Fuck yunho!” 

 “Take my cum like a good girl!” Your eyes were clouded in euphoria, feeling full as he spurted all his cum inside you, painting your walls white. Your hole clenches on his dick before gushes of your juice burst, wetting his dick and the lounge chair.

  Yunho let go of your arms and replace his softening dick with his fingers, brushing them left and right as you squirt, your lips puckering

“Oh look at that, such a good girl. Keep squirting baby~” Yunho slaps, wipe your pussy letting you ride on your orgasm before he pulls away. Your knees gave out, thankfully Yunho caught you, wrapping his arms around your shoulder and at the back of your knees. He leads you both to your bathroom, setting you on the cold marble tile of your sink.

   Yunho settles you on the bathtub, warm water with bubbles of rose were floating on the water. You sigh contentedly, “Is this what I get for flashing you my boobs to you?”

  He laughs, shaking his head as he settles at the other end of the tub, “You want a princess treatment?” His eyes watch you carefully, cheek flaring. You played with the foam bubbles, “If you don’t mind me being your girlfriend then yeah, I want a princess treatment.”

Yunho leans towards you, leaving a soft kiss on your lips, "Deal."

 It was something you and Yunho had in common. Straightforwardness. Yet here you both are, in a situation you thought is just all in your head and fantasy.

[i-sneezed]

But my question is, how is Gwyn's presence in the bonus chapter *not* meant to be a red herring?

Az and Gwyn getting together would be a huge deviation from the setup Az has with Elain in the actual books. SJM isn't going to completely change the direction of the plot in a bonus chapter the majority of readers won't see. That simply doesn't make any sense.

Seriously, when has a bonus chapter ever had an effect on the direction of the plot? Their whole purpose is to fill in some gaps/give extra context/offer some fluff.

I would also like to point out the similarities between Nesta's thoughts/feelings towards Gwyn in SF and Azriel's in the bonus chapter.

"The priestess drew up to her full height, which was slightly taller than average for Fae females. A crackling sort of energy buzzed around her, and Nesta's power grumbled in answer." - ACOSF ch. 9

"Azriel entered the warmth of the stairwell, and as he descended, he could have sworn a faint, beautiful singing followed him. Could have sworn his shadows sang in answer." - Az BC

"She honestly didn't know why she wished to see Gwyn." - ACOSF ch. 14

"A bell rang seven times somewhere nearby. (...) Gwyn sang, a faint glow seeming to radiate from her. (...) She'd never heard such music. Like a spell, a dream given form. (...) Something beckoned in Gwyn's song, in a way the others' hadn't. Like Gwyn was calling only to her, her voice full of sunshine and joy and unshakeable determination." - ACOSF ch. 52

"Instead, he found himself at the library beneath the House of Wind, standing before Clotho as the clock chimed seven in the evening. (...) Something sparked in Azriel's chest. (...) For whatever reason, he could see it." - Az BC

THIS is why so many Elriels think that the bonus chapter doesn't set up another couple, but instead gives more weight to the lightsinger theory.

There are too many similarities between how Nest and Azriel both react to Gwyn for this to be a coincidence.

And the fact that Azriel gets to the library at 7, which is when Gwyn sings (singing being the source of her power), it explains why he has these strong but seemingly inexplicable reactions. It's not a mating bond, it's Gwyn's lightsinging.

(However, I do want to add that I don't think this is being done purposefully on Gwyn's part.)

It makes way more sense narratively for the bonus chapter to make it look like Az may have another love interest when, in actuality, it's giving more evidence of another character's power, something already heavily hinted at in the main story.

You simply cannot convince me that there is any romantic tension between Az and Gwyn when the two don't even exchange any words until 80% of the way through ACOSF and she showed no interest in him romantically. And we are not going to see that tension for the first time in a bonus chapter that most people won't read.

[little-brattyangel]

Dear Liam,

The 22-year-old woman I am today feels like I shouldn’t be grieving, like I’m not allowed to mourn because I didn’t know you personally. But the truth is, there was once a 9-year-old girl who didn’t understand why her life was so difficult. She didn’t understand why God didn’t love her enough to give her happiness. She was bullied at school, her dad was gone, and her mom always seemed to side with her brother, never offering reassurance. She didn’t understand why her mom didn’t comfort her when she was scared, why she had to be the “big sister” when all she wanted was to feel safe and loved.

This girl didn’t feel beautiful. She was criticized for her weight and her looks, and her dad would give her false hope over the phone, promising he’d come back, but he never did. She blamed herself, locked herself in the bathroom to cry, asking God, “Why am I being punished?” Those were dark times.

But in November 2011, everything changed. She heard "What Makes You Beautiful" for the first time, and suddenly she felt seen, loved, and beautiful—as if that song had been written just for her. Listening to your music made her happy, so she dove into research. Who were you guys? Harry, Louis, Niall, Zayn, and her crush—Liam.

From that moment, a new kind of madness began: watching every interview, reading your biographies, learning every song, connecting with people all over the world, even learning a new language with the thought of "One day I'm gonna meet 1D and they don't know Spanish, so I need to learn English" . The fandom became her safe space. It was as if the bad things in her life weren’t as dark anymore.

She loved you all, but with you, Liam, there was something different. That smile, those kind brown eyes—you became her first love. Of course, you didn’t know, none of you did, but you and the rest of One Direction saved her life. You, Liam, especially, with your sweetness and sincerity, saved her in ways she couldn’t explain.

She grew up with your voice as her constant companion. When things at home got bad, your interviews, your songs, made everything seem a little better. When her dad made her feel worthless, there was you.

When One Direction broke up in 2016, she was 14. She read fanfics about you, kept listening to your music because it felt like home. Every year, her Spotify Wrapped showed One Direction at the top. You all saved her, not in the usual sense, but you did. Your music, your laughter, your funny moments, and even those left-footed dance moves. Everything felt better because of One Direction, because of you.

Now, years later, hearing the news of your passing feels surreal. Payno, I can’t believe you’re gone. I wish this were just a nightmare I could wake up from. My heart goes out to your parents, your son, your friends and family, and everyone who knew and loved you.

I’m sorry for not telling you how special you were, how much you meant not just to me, but to millions of people around the world. I’m sorry we didn’t see your suffering, and I wish I could have been there for you like you were for me. You saved me, and I wish I could have saved you.

Thank you for everything, Liam. You’ll never be forgotten.

I’ll love you forever,

The 9-year-old girl you saved

[urbestestwindgod]

epic the musical sagas 1-7 song rating tw i have bad taste

1. keep your friends close—this shouldnt be a shocker this was the song that after knowing abt epic but noy having tiktok at the time to be able to see its progress n stuff i didnt know much abt it n listening to the songs out of order was confusing but the moment i hesrd this enchanting melody i was a fan fan downloading tiktok just for the updates from jorge this has been my unbeatable favorite for a while im rlly annoying abt it as we know

2. open arms—the first released song i heard that introduced me to epic and again not knowing much abt it or how to listen to it in order in the early days (fun fact my intelligence peaked in algebra and ive never been that smart abt anything else ever) seeing ppl talk abt polities not knowing he died was kinda scary like wdym this cutie goes to “the wrong club”?? :(

3. suffering—its fun n ody gets to talk to his wife what do u want from me

4. scylla—AHHHHHHHHHH i fold over and seize every time those strings start after the “hello”

5. ruthlessness—like the idea of poseidon man handling him what can i say WHAT DO YOU W A N T from meee

6. wouldnt you like—i would i would

7. remember them—hes so dumb i lovw him

8. lucky runs out—if iii wasnt overstimulated rn i could gather my thoughts and explain this but unfortunately i am a student

9. storm—this and luck runs out are twins in my head and heart

10. polyphemus—THATS MY CYCLOPS!!! HELL YEA!!!

11. legendary—very good, love how telemachus sings like an adolescent love his dreams and love him unfortunately it IS in the same saga as….her

12. little wolf—I THOUGHT WE WOULD ALL AHIP HIM AND ANTINOUS AFTER THIS AONG BC THERES TENSION GUYS I SWEAR WDYM ITS CONTROVERSIAL :(

13. no longer you—if i could dance i would dance to this, with air probably but still

14. full speed ahead—need this song spoonfed to me while i bang on the table like a toddler in a highchair

15. the horse and the infant—NEOPTOLEMUS MENTIONED??? AHHH!!!!

16. different beast—lovely lovely lovely his voice is so

17. survive—oooo uhhhh

18. mutiny—it shocks me every time somehow

19. monster—should be higher but i forgor abt it srry—yeayea great song kick my feet to it wvery tim

20. warrior of the mind—greek son and thought daughter (was funnier in my head)

21. my goodbye—she leaved :(

22. puppeteer—if circe (odyssey) didnt plague my view of circe (epic) i would like her songs more sorry guys

23. done for—is it baaaaadddd that i dont have many thoughts on this :(

24.there are other ways—IM SURE THERE ARE CIRCE IM SURE THERE ARE

25. thunder bringer—again this was meant to be higher but i was gonna put it somewhere special and forgor :(

26. the underworld—oh ouch ouch ouch ouchie ouch

27. god games—THE SNIPPET OF THIS WAS THE FIRST EPIC SONG I EVER HEARD AND KICKSTARTED A GREEK MYTHOLOGY PHASE THAT MY FAMILY WILL NEVER FORGIVE JORGE FOR. apollos part was so short tho 😔 sigh…

28. just a man—I LIKE IT I JUST NEVER REMEMBER IT AGHHHHH I LOVE IT THO I SWEAR I SWEAR I SWEAR

29. we’ll be fine—OMFGOMFGOMFG unfortunately it is right before….yeaaaa

30. love in paradise—OH EWEWEWEWEWEW i would like this a lot more if people didnt act like calypso deserved to feel happiness or joy or pleasure or even life? idn where this unbridled hatred for her comes from i dont feel this way about way worse characters BUT I WANT EVERY DEATH IN THE ILIAD DONE TO CALYPSO FIVE TIMES EACH CALYPSO WHEN I CATCH UR ASS—its not even about odysseus anymore ody get in the car mama has business to attend to WHEN IM NOT SORRY FOR LOVING U COMES OUT I WILL SHAKE MY HEAD IN DISAPPOINTMENT AND and gently and discreetly remove it from my epic playlist :3 i block everyone i see who talks positively about her genuinely she ruins my day. i know shes not real but still the concept of her makes me physically shake in anger sometimes in the middle of my perfectly normal day SHE SUCKS I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER SO FUCKING MUCH dont ask me why i dont know why but just just put me in a room with her and every weapon ever ever made that would be wish fulfillment for me

saga rating is ocean, thunder, cyclops, troy, underworld, circe, wisdom (and depending on how im not sorry for loving u goes justr know vengeance is going in eighth)

anyways uhm im a little manic this week but i hope i didnt make u hate me TOO much with this i am aware that my taste in everything is bad my favorite food is plain butterless angel hair noodles ans my favorite drink is water, my favorite color is green, my favorite animal is probably frogs bc most animals give me the heebie jeebies, and my favorite book is frankenstein thanks for being here i love u :3

[septemberfalconer]

Hello and welcome to my TEDTalk, once again about Naomi Novik’s Spinning Silver, about how Stepon is Autistic. I have textual evidence to support this claim, as well as a peer diagnosis from the Group Chat:

In Stepon’s first POV in chapter 11, the first two paragraphs (page 156, US hardback edition):

“I like goats because I know what they will do. If I leave the pen open, or there is a loose post, they will get out and run away…I can understand goats. I tried to understand Da, because I thought if I did, hew would hit me less, but I didn’t ever manage it, and for a long time I didn’t understand Wanda, because she was always telling me to go away, but she would make me food along with everyone else and give me clothing sometimes. Sergey was kind to me most of the time, but sometimes he wasn’t, and I didn’t know why about that, either.”

He doesn’t get social stuff! He gets the animals more than people because animals are predictable and make sense to him. His Da is always angry and abusive and nothing changes that. Wanda resents having to take care of him and resents loving him but does anyway and he doesn’t get it. Sergey is nicer but not always and tells Stepon the truth about their Mama but Stepon doesn’t get why sometimes Sergey is short tempered with him. He gets why the goats do what they do. There isn’t a question there, no difficult waters to navigate.

In Stepon’s chapter 13 POV (page 205, US hardback edition):

“Someone else had lived in the house also, I remembered Wanda talking about them, but I couldn’t remember their name. It made me feel strange trying to remember when the name didn’t come, because names always came when I wanted them to. […] If I found them then I could just have asked what their name was and I would stop feeling strange.”

My boy Stepon never forgets a name! He knows the names of everyone he’s ever met or heard of and it’s weird and bothers him when he can’t.

Also chapter 13, (page 205-206):

“It was the day after market day in the fourth week of the month, so that meant Wanda was going to collect from the two villages down the cart-track going southeast from town and the names to collect from were Rybernik, Hurol, Gnadys, Provna, Tsumil, and Dvuri. I said the names over to myself on the way because they made a nice song in my head. When I got there I knocked on all the doors I saw and asked their name and if they said one of those names then I held out the basket…Then I brought the basket to Panova Mandelstam and told her, “I am not too younger after all.” She looked in the basket and then she was very upset. I didn’t know why, but then Panov Mandelstam put his hand on my shoulder very gently and said, “Stepon we should have explained. It is very important not to make any mistakes when collecting, and to keep a careful account. Do you think if you try very hard you can remember and tell us exactly where you went, and who gave you each thing?” “Yes,” I said. “This is the day of the month Wanda goes to Rybernik, Hurol, Gnadys, Provna, Tsumil, and Dvuri,” and then I pointed to each thing and told him who gave it to me. I thought Panova Mandelstam was still unhappy afterwards, but she gave me some dumplings with a thick sauce with carrots and potatoes and real chicken meat in it, and a cup of tea with two big spoons of honey, so I must have been wrong.”

The MEMORY on this kid!! He knows his sister’s schedule by heart and knows what’s okay to accept for payment! He makes little songs out of what he needs to remember! Again he’s not sure how to understand the emotions of the people around him, misinterpreting Panova Mandelstam’s upset at him going out to work for them and putting himself in harm’s way as being upset with him for maybe messing up the accounts.

Stepon’s chapter 14 POV (page 231, US hardback edition):

“..One of them yelled “How does it feel to have killed your own father?”

They ran away into the trees and didn’t wait for an answer but I thought about it the rest of the way. I wasn’t sure if I had killed my father, because I had only wanted him to not hit Wanda with the poker; I hadn’t wanted him to fall over me. But he had fallen over me and that was part of why he was dead, so maybe it didn’t matter that I hadn’t wanted it. I didn’t know.

I did know that it felt good ot be living with Panov and Panova Mandelstam. I had stopped feeling hungry even a little bit. But anytime I thought about Sergey and Wanda, even if I was sitting at the table, I felt like I had swallowed stones instead of food.”

I’ve decided to leave out the rest of Stepon’s thoughts about what would be better, if Sergey and Wanda were with him and the Mandelstams or not for the sake of space, but it continues to prove the point I want to make. He’s analytical! This isn’t a kid who can lie to himself even for the sake of comfort. He could give himself the scant distance from his father’s death that “I didn’t want him to die” could buy him, but he knows he can’t. He was there, his father tripped over him, and his brother and sister are gone now. He doesn’t know if he will see them again, and this is still likely the best outcome because he isn’t hungry and frightened and cold anymore. But he still wants his brother and sister and would rather be cold and alone in the woods looking for them than “live with the stones in [his] stomach.”

Continuing Chapter 14, this time page 232-233:

“..but he said it too kindly, the way you say nice things to a goat when you are trying to get it to come so you can tie it up. It did  not mean he wanted to hurt me. He only wanted to keep me in a good safe warm place so I wouldn’t die in the snow somewhere. But if I stayed in this place, I would never see Wanda and Sergey again… “Sergey and Wanda were going to go to Vysnia. They wanted to ask someone for work.” I had to think about it because he was someone’s grandfather, and I didn’t know who the someone was, which was strange. But I did know the grandfather’s name. “Panov Moshel.”

This time I had to cut it off because if I include Panova Mandelstam realizing Miryem is gone I’ll make this post about that instead. But! Stepon is coming in again with his goat analogies, which I love. He’s picked up some great ways to tell how people are feeling but he’s steadfast, and again with his excellent memory. He can’t remember Miryem right now, but he can remember he grandfather’s name, even though he overheard that when Wanda and Sergey were just talking as he collected the nut from their Mama’s tree. He still remembers!

Stepon’s POV in chapter 15 (page 254):

“Are you warm enough Stepon?” Panova Mandelstam asked me. I said I was because however warm I was, that had to be warm enough, because there was nothing to do about it if I wasn’t.”

This is short but I really like the directness he has here. He is cold, as he says in the next couple of lines. But Stepon knows that nothing is capable of making him warmer, even in the best place in the sleigh, so he says he’s warm enough.

Again in chapter 15 (page 256):

“Then he straightened and looked at Algis. Algis was standing next to the back of the sleigh. His head was hanging. He said, “I didn’t fill the bucket.” He meant the grain bucket. So there was no food for the horses.

Panov Mandelstam didn’t say anything for a minute. The silence felt very long. Finally he said, “It is lucky this is a late snow. There will still be some fresh growth under. We must dig and get them some grass and whatever else we can find for them to eat.”

He was still kind, but I thought that he had not felt kind, and that was why he had been quiet. I thought that meant he must be very worried. So then I was very worried.”

Analytical! As always! Stepon is learning how to distinguish emotions, and he’s getting his queues from those around him. He knows that it’s bad for the horses to not have food, but he’s not worried until he realizes that Panov Mandelstam is. Stepon also spends the rest of the chapter making sure to remember how no one else would have forgotten the grain bucket. I don’t think that actually plays into him being autistic, but it’s very funny to me. Wanda would have remembered to fill the grain bucket, Algis.

I don’t have any examples that jump out to me from Chapter 16, but I want to note that I love how aware Stepon is of how other people are feeling. Does he understand why? Not always. But he knows Wanda is scared when she realizes the mattress cover is big enough.

Stepon’s POV in chapter 19 (pages 334-335):

“Wanda and Sergey went downstairs to help with the wedding. “Will you come, Stepon?” Sergey asked me, but I shivered, remembering all those people crammed together, in the rooms and in  the streets, more people than I knew there to be in the whole world. “No, no no,” and they didn’t make me, but they went, and after a while the sun started to go down, and I started to not like being alone in the room…I pulled my head back inside, but the house was getting so loud and full of people that I heard some of that same noise even when I closed the window. It came up through the fireplace and under the door. It got louder and louder and then music started playing. It was loud music, and people were dancing to it. I felt it in my feet not just in my ears. I sat on the bed and covered me ears and I still  felt it coming up all the way through the house. It kept going on and on. It was all the way dark outside and I was really afraid now because why would Wanda and Sergey stay down in all that noise unless something bad made them. I had my face pressed up against my knees and my arms over my head, and then there was a knock on the door. I didn’t say to come in because I would have had to take my arms from over my head, but Panova Mandelstam came inside anyway. “Stepon, are you all right?” she said. She meant it but she didn’t really mean it, I could tell. She was thinking about something else. But when I didn’t say anything back and didn’t pick my head up, she started to really mean it, and then she went and got the candle she had left on the table for us and she took out a couple of big lumps of wac from it and blew on them until they weren’t hot, and she said, “Here, Stepon, put the wax in your ears.”

I thought I would try. I took my hand away for just a little bit and took the wax. It was still warm and soft. I pushed it inot my ears and it squished into the little spots and then it stopped being so warm and the noise stopped being so loud on that side. I could still feel it in my body but I couldn’t feel it so much. So then I was very glad and I took the other lump of wax and that helped too.”

Sensory overload my beloathed. Stepon, buddy, you are me and I am you. Why WOULD they be around all of those people and all of that noise? My boy would have LOVED noise cancelling headphones if they existed in this world. This scene really resonated with me the first time I read Spinning Silver, to the point that I had to read it twice. I have been here before except no one gave me anything to dull the noise.

Stepon’s POV chapter 21 (page 393-394):

“I did not mind taking them off because it was warm, and I was sitting in a cart anyway. I was glad to be leaving that terrible city. It was even worse than before. The streets were all crowded with people everywhere because now there was no snow and they wanted to be outside and they all wanted to talk at the same time and make noise. I lay down in the bottom of the cart next to the sacks that were pretending to be Miryem and I tried to pretend to be a sack myself, but I wasn’t a sack…Panov Mandelstam got down to pay the man at the gate some money, because that city was such a terrible place we had to pay to be let out.”

He hates this place! He wants his quiet little house back, thank you and goodbye. He’d prefer to have his whole family with him, but any leaving back to his safe, quiet place is best. This city is too crowded and too noisy and his life would be easier if he was a sack that couldn’t hear but he’s not so he’s just gonna lay there.

That’s the end of his POV chapters and I don’t wanna use evidence from any of the other characters POV’s because that can very too much and also I’m not currently rereading it was easiest to just go back to passages I’d already marked because I’ve been thinking of this for a while. Anyway! Stepon is autistic, thank you for reading my roughly 2400 words so far, I will not be taking challenges to this. Seriously if you try being mean about this I’m gonna block you.

[darlingmisa]

Moonlight on the River | Sevika

It’s 3:30am and im writing my first sev fic bc what even is sleep. Pure angst, no happy ending, very self indulgent bc my depression is hitting so fucking hard hard rn I very much apologize for this. Title is purely bc I listened to the song while writing this. 

cw: angst, no comfort, talk of self hatred and all that fun stuff (not really proof-read)

wc: 1.1k

A hopeless romantic is what they would call people like you. Simply dying for the chance to be truly loved and cared for, jumping at any opportunity to be in a relationship. Consistently ignoring every red flag and concerning factor for a chance at true love, hoping it would work out. It never did, but you never learned. 

And that’s what led you here. Standing alone in your shared apartment. Nothing left to clean or cook. No laundry left to wash and fold. No way to distract yourself from the fact that she wasn’t home yet. It wasn’t abnormal for Sevika to be home late some nights, or most nights, or every night. You knew that all too well. Her job was demanding to say the least, leaving you two very little time to spend together. But this was different.

It had been days, 4 to be exact, since she last came home, and since you heard anything from her. When she left, everything seemed normal. A kiss on the forehead by the door like she always did before the two of you would part ways. Except maybe things were slightly different, things you overlooked as her simply being in a rush. 

The lack of an “I love you” and “see you later tonight” now linger in your mind. Maybe she never meant to see you again. It was an insane thought but you simply couldn’t help but wonder. Especially when 4 days became 6, and 6 became 12. 

Although dark, your initial thought was that maybe Silco gave her something she couldn’t handle, something she wouldn’t come home from. Maybe she just didn’t make it. And you stuck with that thought until two weeks in. 14 days without her home when you went to grab a shirt of hers, not being able to stand how her smell was slowly leaving the bed you shared. 

Words fail to explain the intense feeling of your heart dropping when you opened the drawer where her small number of outfits were, or where they should have been. They were gone. You spent hours checking every crevice of the apartment for something that she owned. Nothing. Everything was gone. She was gone.  

It was something you couldn’t process, her leaving without a word of explanation. But here you were, left alone once again. And somehow you convinced yourself it was all your fault. It was your fault she never came home. You must’ve done something wrong, something to upset her to the point where she didn’t want you anymore. 

Still, you couldn’t bring yourself to be mad. Not at her. It was always your fault, no matter what you said or did, no matter how hard you tried to be the best for someone, it was never good enough. The same thought over and over, how could someone love you if you couldn't even love yourself? You knew it was hard to love someone like you. What that meant, you weren’t sure, but you’d been shown time and time again that you were never the most lovable person. 

All you could do was wait. For what? Who knows. Answers? For Sevika to finally come home? For her to explain why she left, to tell you that she still loves you, that she always did? Yeah, something like that. 

On Sevika’s end of things, she hated this too. She never wanted to leave you. Never in your time together did the thought of leaving you ever cross her mind. You were her everything. Something she never thought she’d ever get, or ever deserve. She loved you, and that’s why she had to leave. 

Her work only grew more dangerous. Dangerous enough that anyone seen with her was a target, especially you. Everyone knew you were Sevika’s girl, which only made things worse. She couldn’t put you in danger like that. And as much as she knew it would hurt you, it was her only option. 

Telling you why she had to leave wasn’t a choice either. She knew too well that you’d find some way to get her to stay. Telling her you can handle yourself and that she was stronger than anyone who went up against her. Fighting for her to stay. Sevika knew this wasn’t true. She’d lost many fights in her past. She’d lost everyone she had ever cared for. She couldn’t risk losing you too. 

Sevika could only imagine how hurt you were. She knew you’d blame yourself for it,  you always did. She’d spent hours comforting you over things that were obviously not your fault, things that never could be. Though you always managed to convince yourself it was. 

It hurt her too, knowing you were alone by yourself, being swallowed by the self hatred she always tried so hard to help you push away. Knowing that she was the reason you were blaming yourself this time. Knowing she promised to protect you and keep you safe from any harm, physical and mental. And she couldn’t. Not only was it that she couldn’t protect you, couldn't hold you while you cry and eventually fall asleep in her arms like always, but the fact that it was her, her actions, doing all this damage to the person she loved most in the fucked up world she was living in. 

It was almost unbearable for her. Everyday she fought the urge to run home just to hold you and never let you go again. Sevika was never one for apologies, but if she could she would let every sorry word fall from her lips, yet it still wouldn’t be enough to tell you how sorry she truly was for all of this. How sorry she was that she couldn’t protect you from herself. 

She thought about writing a letter, or leaving a note before she left. Maybe even getting someone to deliver the message for her. But she couldn’t. She knew you’d spend all your time looking for her, begging for her to simply come home, and her face was never one she could say no to. 

So she stayed away, hugging one of your sleep shirts she took with her, one of the many she gifted to you a while back, relishing in the smell of you that she loved so much. It was the only thing keeping her from running back home into your arms. 

She could only hope this all would be over soon, and that you’d still be there waiting for her, but things never did go her way. Maybe one day you two would reunite again. Just maybe.

Im so sorry for this,,

[beforefallmoon]

It's been a long time since the last time...

I was watching "Bloom into You", I'm just on the first episode... and you know what? I had a lot of flashbacks of my first time. Don't get me wrong, I'm talking about the first time I understood what my "problem" was, not being able to feel butterflies in my stomach or identify when I liked someone.

I was 14 years old, and I really saw how everyone fell in love and had genuine partners, I always stayed behind (as Laufey explains very well in his song "Falling Behind" hehe), and it made me feel bad... I was in a hurry to fall in love just so I wouldn't be left behind. My problem was that I related everything to men... I knew there could be a possibility that I could also feel something for women, I never saw it as something bad, in fact I had normalized it, but it never crossed my mind that that could be my reality.

Fear? Maybe. Fear of rejection would be more accurate. I really tried and tried to fall in love but I couldn't, I didn't feel what I should feel and that worried me.

I found myself in a forced situation with a childhood friend that I hadn't seen in a long time... I forced everything, I started talking to him, I invited him out at night, I made myself pretty for him, I hugged him with other intentions... but it didn't generate anything other than rejection. I didn't feel comfortable and that really scared me. What was I doing wrong? What if the problem is him? He's not my type? What was missing?

I entered my penultimate year of high school. I met a girl with dyed red hair and eyes the color of the Atlantic sea (they were neither blue nor green, it was a translucent mix between both colors. I dare say water green), she had a very light and pinkish complexion, pompous lips and a button nose, a round face with very tender little cheeks. She was pretty, she had an infectious laugh that could be heard from afar. She was the first one to talk to me, we were in an elective class, "health sciences", we had the classes in a laboratory... in a random class she sat next to me with a friend of hers. I don't know what caught her attention, but with a lot of respect she asked me what I was playing on my phone, I stood up and stood behind them to show them... at the end of the class she asked for my Instagram user so we could keep talking. She looked very sweet, I really liked hearing her voice for the first time that time.

After a while we started a friendly chat conversation... I had actually seen her frequently in the hallways smiling at each other, that made me feel strange, like anxious... the famous butterflies in the stomach. It was then that I took the initiative to talk to her for the first time on chat, that's when it all started.

We got to know each other for quite a while, until we had our first kiss in an unoccupied classroom on the first floor that no one entered (the door was always open, unlocked, but no one needed to enter apart from taking out tables and chairs that were missing in other classrooms), we were always there, we liked to get to know each other in a less public way, telling funny things or simply asking curious questions about each other... nothing perverse, everything from the innocence and purity of meeting someone for whom you feel butterflies in your stomach.

the rest is history. we were dating for a year and a half... nothing bad happened, it was a pretty healthy relationship, and we knew that if at some point the feeling stopped being mutual, we would talk about it and reach a healthy and respectful breakup. and so it was.

the point of all this is to be able to reflect how truly genuine it is when you fall in love without forcing anything, and above all not having any prejudice about your tastes.

at first I did feel weird, scared, always hiding. it wasn't necessary, I was happy and I ended up accepting it. I wasn't attracted to men, but women were. That's why it was so hard for me to fall in love, because I did everything under pressure and only with men. That's when I understood everything.

That woman was my first love and the purest one so far, I was 16 when everything started with her. Since then I'm happy accepting who I am, knowing my tastes and waiting for genuine love again.

I'm 19 years old, I'm a non-closeted lesbian, my family knows it, my close people know it... and I know it, which is the most important thing.

[i4juni]

𝙗𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣 is kang yumi's first single release. it was released on july 14, 2023, as a single. it is the artists first single and it was a surprise release. yumi has credits for lyrics, and composure of the song. it is still unknown if the single will be promoted on music shows.

𖦹 . . . 𝙗𝙞𝙜𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣 live !

on july 13, 2023 at 11:50 pm ( kst ), yumi began an instagram live named: "what I'd do 4 you". when the fans entered, they saw yumi sitting on her bed, her tablet propped up on it showing the countdown of a lyric video on youtube. fans quickly went over to youtube to see that the enhypen youtube chanel was premiering the lyric video for a song, the tittle of the video being: “BIGGER PERSON — KANG YUMI”.

yumi then explained how this was a surprise song she had been working on for a couple months; “this has been a project i've been working on since february. it is very dear to me and I can't wait to show it to the world.”

while the 10 minute wait time passed, yumi spoke with her fans and answered some questions they had. she wanted to connect with the in the time she had before the song was out.

bigger person dropped on july 14, 2023 at midnight. yumi watched the lyric video with her fans on live and throughout the video you could see yumi's eyes start to water as she tried holding back her tears.

“this song has a piece of my heart. i never thought the song would see the light of day. I'm very grateful it did though.”

she then went on to explain the meaning behind the song and why it was so dear to her: “bigger person is about a relationship where you are constantly taking the blame, constantly making sure the relationship stays afloat. i wrote it not with no particular romantic relationship in mind but I think this song can be related to either a romantic or familial relationship. I have experienced this for a long time and wanted to shine light on these types of toxic relationships which are, sadly, a lot in our generation.”

as the live neared it's end at 12:30 AM, there was a knock on yumi's door to which she told the person to come in. yumi's face lights up as the enhypen members are heard entering her room, a cute cake with 'bigger person's written on it coming into frame. the members had stayed up to congratulate her on her song. at this sweet gesture, yumi broke down in tears. happy tears. the live was needed shortly after.

taglist ( open ): @seolboba, @flowerjun, @lost-leopard-beanie, @itszeni

[cha-ra-nui]

Awards Section

This is the awards section of my 2023 retrospective. The other parts of the retrospective are linked below.

Playlist | Prefix | Part 1: Music | Part 2: Anime and Other Media | Awards Section

Song of the Year:

WOODZ – Drowing: WOODZ has Album of the Year secured with OO-LI, no question about that. But when it comes to a single song, as good as Drowing is, I think I just love the EP more as a whole. If he’d just dropped Drowing as a single it might’ve taken the title.

Key – Easy: I can’t give it to Key again. Not three years in a row, and certainly not for this song. Killer or Heartless I could maybe justify, but I didn’t nominate them, I nominated Easy. I can’t even explain why I love it so much. Is it the best song I heard all year? No. But it’s my most played track anyway.

Sam Haft, Andrew Underberg, Alex Brightman – 2 Minutes Notice: I have half a mind to give it to this. Wouldn’t that be funny, a showtune from a YouTube cartoon taking SOTY? Ha. Haha. Hahaha. Haaaaaa… It would be funnier it wasn’t seriously a top candidate for that title.

Winner: King Gnu – SPECIALZ This is it. SOTY for a group I never expected to hand it to. Not because I disliked them or anything, I enjoyed every time they crossed my path. But because SOTY usually goes to an artist I love, and I only know King Gnu from their Anime tie-ins. And normally if a group delivers a song this good I would be digging my way through their albums, but I’m not. This song is special, and don’t want context for it.

Album of the Year:

Key – Killer: A stretch, I’m aware. In fact, the only reason why this isn’t getting the title is because 11/14 songs already released in 2022, and it got album of the year then. It’s by far my most played record of 2023 though, and one of my favorite K-pop albums period.

Onew – Circle: Yeah, I know, just nominate every SHINee solo, will you? No, I won’t. Taemin’s just missed out. See, I’m totally not biased, Circle was just that good. A stunningly beautiful album start to finish.

Ryugujo – 2 Much: Debut of the year, hands down. Ryugujo’s first EP is exactly as fierce as Avu-chan wanted, and I found this group impossible to look away from ever since.

Albums that I regularly listened to in full and therefore get my recommendation but missed out on a nomination, in no particular order:

VIXX – Continuum: Far from their strongest work, otherwise it would’ve taken the title by default. But even with half the members missing, it’s still VIXX, and it’s the best K-pop boy group record released in 2023.

æspa – Drama: I have no excuse; this is just fun. Sometimes you need an EP that isn’t ashamed of being batshit K-pop.

Red Velvet – Chill Kill: Very pretty and cohesive album. SM saves all their pleasant-sounding music for their girl groups.

Purple Kiss – Cabin Fever: Purple Kiss�� best EP to date.

Dreamcatcher – VillainS: Enjoyed this EP way more than I thought I would.

Kiss Of Life – Born To Be XX: These girls are going places.

Winner: WOODZ – OO-LI There was never any doubt about which release would take album of the year, because WOODZ utterly obliterated the competition. Every other nomination, including the Key album that is totally not from the year before anyway, at least has one song I don’t care for. But OO-LI never misses. Not even 7/10 misses. Every single song on this EP stands out, and they come together beautifully. WOODZ is enlisting this January, and I already don’t know what to do without being able to rely on him to deliver great comebacks for the next two years. Come back safely, and never stop making music.

Artist of the Year:

I keep struggling with this one because most of my favorite releases tend to be from tenure artists who drop one comeback and then vanish for the rest of the year. If you asked me who I admired the most, it would be WOODZ. If you asked me who I listened to the most, it would be Key. If you asked me who surprised me the most, it would be Ryugujo. If you asked me who had the most releases I loved though, I’m stuck. The list of artists who released more than one album which I enjoyed is short. Dreamcatcher, Kiss Of Life, æspa, and that’s it, I’m stuck. So you know what? Fuck it. I won’t get the chance to do that again for two years.

Winner: WOODZ Between OO-LI, a world tour, and Amnesia, WOODZ had a great year. He hasn’t missed once in his career, but right now he’s on a level of his own. No one else active this year has delivered this level of consistency and quality. WOODZ is a gem, and I don’t think it’s possible to lavish his music with too much praise right now.

Miscellaneous Music:

Best Music Video: Heartsteel – Paranoia

Best Choreography: Le Sserafim – Eve, Psyche & The Bluebird’s Wife

Best Debut Single: Ryugujo – 2 Much

Top 15 B-sides (no videos, only one entry per artist):

Key – Heartless

WOODZ – Busted

Taemin – She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

Infinite – Time Difference

Kim Sejeong – Jenga

Red Velvet – One Kiss

Onew – No Parachute

VIXX – Savage

Purple Kiss – T4ke

Dreamcatcher – Propose

æspa – Don’t Blink

IVE – Blue Blood

SHINee – Identity

ATEEZ – Dune

U-Know – Tarantino

Best Insert Song: Helluva Boss – 2 Minutes Notice

Other Media

Game Of The Year: The Legend Of Zelda – Tears Of The Kingdom Not the most creative pick, but sometimes Nintendo delivers, and their games are magical when they do.

Anime Of The Year: Link Click Season 2 Since I didn’t watch everything I wanted to get to, this might change in hindsight, once I feel better and catch up with shows like Oshi no Ko, Vinland Saga, and Tengoku Daimakyou. Jujutsu Kaisen also had a strong season, and Shounen does not get much better than its Hidden Inventory and Shibuya Incident arcs, but ultimately Link Click is the show I cared about the most. Everything in this show feels intentional. Every mystery has a satisfying pay-off, and that earns it enough trust from the audience to expect a satisfying continuation (and hopefully conclusion) in the already confirmed third season. I for one can’t wait to see what happens next and considering the time travel aspect of the show and season two’s final twist, what already happened. I love the characters and want to see them get out of this story safe and sound.

Opening Of The Year: Link Click Season 2 There was competition, certainly, but in the end, nothing touched this masterpiece. They made a song that would sound good played forwards and backwards, just so they could rewind the opening. It looks great and is a great fit for a time travel mystery. I got to respect the craft that went into this.

Ending Of The Year: Oshi No Ko I didn’t have much opportunity to mention Queen Bee in this retrospective, but they delivered on this ending theme.

Movie Of The Year: Oppenheimer I have half a mind to praise Puss In Boots more, but Oppenheimer is a staggeringly well made movie, and I would be remiss if I didn’t give it the crown.

[elijahmvaldez]

VINYL RECORD / LP / ALBUM WEEK

THE STREAK IS SO OVER. Two days !! I lasted two days !! LOL.

To make up for it, the ultimate Tyler gauntlet:

Tyler, The Creator - (Scum Fuck) Flower Boy (2017), IGOR (2019), CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST: The Estate Sale (2021/2023), & CHROMAKOPIA "Test Pressing" - First Edition (2024)

The four most recent Tyler, The Creator albums on their respective colored pressing editions. I don't feel like explaining what or how but every physical Tyler album is different from the version that's on streaming, except for Flower Boy.

I first found out about Tyler through this guy named Langston when I was in fifth grade, but never actually got into his music until I met my friend Dominic, about a year later. He used '911 / Mr. Lonely' as an ending credit scene to a film we were working on (we were in sixth grade, the film is really bad, I hope it never sees the light of day again).

I listened to Flower Boy at the ripe age of 11 in like 2018, same with Cherry Bomb and Wolf. About a year later IGOR was released and since then, Tyler has been one of the most influential artists to like almost everything I create and consume lolz.

So I've been here for 3/4 of these releases and I have a lot to say.

For reference, this is what one of the walls of my room at home looks like...

FAVORITE TRACKS:

(Scum Fuck) Flower Boy: 1. Foreword, 2. Where This Flower Blooms, 7. Garden Shed, 8. Boredom, 10. 911 / Mr. Lonely, and 12. November.

IGOR: 1. IGOR'S THEME, 3. I THINK, 4. BOYFRIEND, 6. NEW MAGIC WAND, 9. WHAT'S GOOD, 10. GONE, GONE / THANK YOU, 11. I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE, and 12. ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?.

CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST: 1. SIR BAUDELAIRE, 2. CORSO, 6. HOT WIND BLOWS, 7. MASSA, 8. RUNITUP, 10. SWEET / I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO DANCE, 14. JUGGERNAUT, 15. WILSHIRE, and 16. FISHTAIL.

The Estate Sale: WHAT A DAY and SORRY NOT SORRY.

CHROMAKOPIA: 1. St. Chroma, 3. Noid, 5. Hey Jane, 6. I Killed You, 10. Tomorrow, 11. Mother, 12. Thought I Was Dead, and 13. Like Him.

Just for reference: I genuinely feel like CHROMAKOPIA is his weakest release of these four, and I think IGOR is his best release by far.

Now, I could talk about how Flower Boy changed the trajectory of Tyler's career and how IGOR is just Flower Boy's sound but honed in on annnnd how CHROMAKOPIA is Tyler's most personal album yet. I could do that because I love this music and the history behind it all.

But I'm gonna explain about how each of these albums makes me feel and why.

I first heard Flower Boy in full in the Spring of 2018. It took me, and I'm not joking, probably ten or so attempts to get through this album in full. I was 11 years old and my music taste at the time was twenty one pilots and half•alive and that was probably it. I knew I liked it but I had never heard music like this before unless I was listening to music with my sister in like the car with my mom or something. I'm pretty sure Flower Boy was my first rap album (yes, this is a rap album with string sections and some pop songs and jazz shit, it's still a rap album). This album to me is middle school. It is sixth through eighth grade for me and it was the soundtrack to my first conscious experiences ever. Middle school was the time I realized I wanted to be something that wasn't sad all the time. It's this album, Frank Ocean's channel ORANGE, and Childish Gambino's Because the Internet that soundtrack that time for me and remind me of middle school and my sister.

IGOR. 2019. Wow. I heard it the night it came out, as well as stalked Tyler's YouTube channel for when teasers would come out because I liked them so much. Immediately I knew this album was just something else. The SOUND OF THIS ALBUM. WOAHHHHH. It blew me away. Like the day after it came out I convinced my sister to get it for me for my birthday and that's how I have the green edition of the vinyl. Any who, yeah, woah. The second I heard the teaser for WHAT'S GOOD... I JUST KNEW BRO. This album is good, it has good songs, it has good transitions, it sounds good, it resonates, it feels real, it does everything that I think an album should do the right way. The intro sets the tone of the record perfectly and feels so badass while it does it. The songs are so different from each other but not in a way that makes them feel scattered. It feels like consistent and makes the whole album feel so damn good!!!!!! I get chills even now, after like the hundredth time I've heard it at this point. Listen to the CD edition of IGOR and listen to this version of WHAT'S GOOD and god you have a perfect album. Plus it's gay and that just makes anything better really.

CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST. Summer 2021. Everyone's just now really coming out of quarantine fully and Tyler surprise announces this album like a week before it comes out. I wasn't crazy for LUMBERJACK as a single but I still appreciated that we were getting new Tyler. It comes out a week before I turn 15 and it's the album I listen to the most for the rest of the year besides maybe the new Waterparks album at that point. I went to California and LA for the first time that August and CALL ME fully reminds me of that time anytime I listen to it. Listening to WILSHIRE on Wilshire Blvd was like "woaaaahhhh that's the street I'm on!!!!" Corny but really funny to me even now lolll. The songs are still really good and it's really enjoyable. I listen to it from time to time and I keep the CD to the Estate Sale version in one of the six slots in my car.

CHROMAKOPIA is the most recent Tyler, The Creator album and while I think it's a good album I just personally feel connected to the previous three more than anything. I mean I literally drove to the CHROMAKOPIA truck in Tyler, Texas the Friday before it came out because I was pretty excited for it. It was the first Tyler album I got to listen to for the first time as an adult and I listened to it in the bed in my dorm room at university. It's just, I don't know, the flow feels less satisfying than the last three and there's certain things like Tyler saying the d slur on Rah Tah Tah that just put me off. And while I get the message of not staying with one person on Darling, I, I personally don't connect with it what so ever. I love having connections with people that I love and to me there's just nothing like that. Maybe it's also cause I'm going through a rough patch right now so that could be something that, sure, changes my perspective of it all right now. I think the album is good and enjoyable but yeah that's how I feel about it right now.

TYLER GAUNTLET DONE. THAT TOOK SO LONG. GOD.

I LOVE PHYSICAL MEDIA. MORE SOON JUST NOT RIGHT NOW I HAVE FINALS AND CLASSES TO PASS. #UNIVERSITYLIFE #COLLEGE.

[faintvibes]

Oh boy, music time!!!

Songs for a season:

Season 1:

Don't Forget Your Roots by SIX60 (It reminds me of the roles family played when the gang were unlocking their true potential)

Bigger by Stan Walker

Season 2:

Where the Shadow Ends by BANNERS

Season 4:

Brother by Rural Alberta Advantage

Season 5:

Turning Out by AJR (I can't really explain why it makes sense to me but. It's from Morro's perspective)

Season 7:

Hold on to the Dream by Tiki Taane and Arli Liberman (It is in a mix of Māori and English, however the lyrics in both languages mimic each other, so you're not missing anything major by only understanding one)

Season 8:

The Greatest Mistakes by Birds of Tokyo

Season 9:

Atlas Drowned by Gang of Youths

For the People by COTERIE

Season 11:

What Becomes of Us by Hilltop Hoods

Norway by Harper Finn

Dragons Rising Season 1:

Kanakasi (Boy Wipe Your Eyes)

Forever by SIX60

I AM by Stan Walker

Songs for a character in a season:

Season 1:

Kai: Clark Griswold by Hilltop Hoods

Jay: Two by Sleeping at Last and Talk Too Much by COIN

Lloyd: Danny Don't You Know by Ninja Sex Party

Nya: The Hand That Feeds by the Crane Wives

Season 4:

Kai: Wild at Heart by Birds of Tokyo and Magnolia by Gang of Youths

Season 5:

Jay: The Rain by Horrorshow

Season 6:

Nya: Girl in Stilettos by Annah Mac

Season 8:

Lloyd: Hoops by the Rubens

Season 9:

Lloyd: Brace by Birds of Tokyo and Pepeha by SIX60 (Pepeha is the same as Hold Onto the Dream)

Season 11:

Zane: Icicles by the Scary Jokes

Season 13:

Cole: Moving Mountains by the Brevet

Season 14:

Nya: Notos by the Oh Hellos (first heard it in this animatic and now that link is permanently established in my brain) and Two of Us by Birds of Tokyo (I associate it with Nya saying goodbye to Jay)

Season 15:

Lloyd: Trying by Cavetown

DR Season 1:

Sora: Silhouettes by Sleeping at Last

And other songs I couldn't sort into a season:

Definite Kai songs: The Greatest by SIX60 and Could Have Been Me by the Struts

Definite Jay song: Atmosphere by Drax Project

Definite Lloyd songs: Lift Your Head High by Marley Sola, Pluto by Sleeping at Last, and Shit by Bo Burnham

Definite Skylor song: Shakin' Her Body by COTERIE

Potential Garmadon song: Salvation by COTERIE

The Tree on the Hill from the Lightning Thief Musical feels a lot like Brad (from Darkleys) talking about Lloyd in hindsight

Jimmy Recard by Drapht reminds me of Jay's TV Host persona

1955 by Hilltop Hoods reminds me of Ignacia

HEY YOU!!

DO YOU LIKE NINJAGO? AND MUSIC??

WELL DO I HAVE THE PROPOSITION FOR YOU!!

I am going to try to make a playlist for EVERY. NINJAGO. SEASON!!

but I have almost no ideas [two songs is not enough playlist for a whole season]

Sooooo…….

Reblog this post or send me an ask with all of your favorite songs that you associate with Ninjago seasons!! [please tell me which]

I’ll listen to it and put it on the playlist of whatever season you tell me to!

[This could be about the season as a whole, or even just a character in that season!]

[These will all be public on Spotify even while I’m still making them, so anyone can listen to them whenever they want!!]

And even if you don’t want it on the playlist, still tell me the songs!! I am always looking for more songs to imagine Ninjago related stuff to

[the-firebird69]

It washes a lot of the stupid out and some of them are very stupid, and Becca's girls would look like NCIS Miami they just be about 13 or 14 ft tall normally but would be repressed and in doing so could look like her. Ellis would look like great grandma and her best form and people like Trump's daughter because her body is normal and the rain is almost normal would look like pretty much what they look like when they look like Bathsheba they look normal and it would be big and powerful and look almost like osprey it would be very attractive and people would follow all over the place for them and the men would be gigantic like Juggernaut but a little bigger and they'd have to restrain the size and when they trim down they look like beefier Colossus even like your version of hulk cuz the hulk of ours is gigantic. But the whole point is if you combine our son would say the singer who's up now and she's singing Southern song and she's wearing an old fashioned bathing suit and a jacket which is not what you wore back then it would be seduction or something you'd wear a summer dress or it's like it over thing for bathing suit but she would have children about 12 ft cuz she's small and she's not second generation she's first she's from a smaller Mac tribe and it would be deceptive and they look like her a little prettier and her figure would be pretty much similar and that's the best she's looking true and she's doped up and stuff and spiced not massively but she is but they wouldn't have to at all and they would be about 120 IQ with her but she is not that bad off people like Ellie will be about a hundred and people like Jenna it would be about 1:10 and it would look someone normal like I said it's like a decent looking Jenna a little bit better than she looks right now and 110 is like the average in the military for you guys for regular Max no regular Max for about 1:30 and so you think you would have control and the woman heard it and went nuts but he didn't explain much of it so I'm going into detail. Their attitude would be much milder than what the morlock attitude is and they did a lot more control themselves and you teach them and they follow it and half breeds that were meeting with other races didn't make it because they're logical is good and the women see it and they know about it and they'd be protected as some sort of spearhead of the ark of the covenant of the Levi clan which our son is part of. He says well it goes to waste anyways he says no she goes and pulls it out using kju and other means and this guy says how about a bullet with that work s I'm going to see if you have the same resiliency regarding bullets that I do and I'll start in with you it is and I'll send creatures and they'll die was very young perverted cannibal piece of s*** and it's sooner sneeze all over you then talk to you I'll push you over or chop you up into a thousand pieces and you seem to be saying this s*** through people here because you are and you're a piece of dog meat and you're seeing your Trump and you're not. And it is a clone and he's using his name in vain. This happens on the people like that give gestures they back it up with the max now they can't do any of it and the sun has to stand up for himself but really you woman would have your hands full with the children that you teach them like half breeds and they'd learn it the reason why they get pushed out of the way is because of course and people like that who want to have this race that's pure and they don't get they didn't get the idea they can control them and use them and they still fight it I'm not as much because they're competing to grab the sperm to make offspring to devour and using you their wives cuz you say it's good and they'd have the best of both worlds. The movie into a mode to fight over it with Mac and with the clones it brings me to the next point

They're very hot after social security and these two are related items cuz I think there's some in the garbage and they think somebody survive because of elevated levels of preservative in the recent toilet paper and they're going nuts for it and he seals the garbage bag off and there's tons of them fighting out there and granted it it won't be as big as it should be but it will get bigger the point is that they want to have control over social security and it's closed now fighting over the money to control it and he doesn't like the blue jeans because the buttons to the side and it's not a fancy way and it's kind of what happens to men sometimes it goes off center and today they're messing around with this stomach and she doesn't like it but. And the clothes are kind of persnickety and Tommy f is saying it's off just an eighth of an inch and now one of these Max is saying that he's a c*** but it's CMT awards. And his name is what divergents are you have a parallel as warlock with each other and his diverging so it's good. And there's a lot of things happening but social security the fight is beginning to broil over because the clothes want to have control they're fighting Max on it and warlock and foreigners and they're starting to align tonight against the clothes and they're going to start to rely on many items finally and what a disaster these warlock are nothing what they'll probably just still check out pretty quick they're invasion is going on too and they're trying to cut a social security off and they don't have anything to supplement it with and don't care cuz they want to stick him in the hospital or similar or have it on the street begging or fighting for money as a threat and food and health and so forth and we want them dead that is just such a stupid game when armies are fighting over him they haven't get personally involved and be this punching bag, so we turned Trump into a punching bag and that's what they say you get a point every time you hit him let's try doing it and doing it and we're paying people and all sudden it's become this game with ours and it works and we are exercising but right now social security is very hot and we've got tons of people after it the molar going to shut it down but the clones want to take it over so they're keeping it alive and they want the government to pay for it and the max to pay for it and people in the government and it makes sense

Nuada Arrianna

The DNA is hot and it's powerful and everybody wants it and they're starting to see why 100 miles is nothing to spit at and this guy is probably powerful and he might have kids then trying to figure that out too and they're going to beat the s*** out of themselves tonight trying to figure it out cuz people have Intel on it like Trump he was right there and the clones some DGA used to be a geneticist well our son was there in the house and up there with Claudia in the actual facility

[bewitchingivy]

hey, how are you? If your game is still open , i would love to join hehe , my initials :- GB , cap moon

3 topics i choose :- 1) Their first impression of you 2) What you should know about them 3) A message by them

They will see you as someone who is grounded and more on the quiet side , they will think that time slow downs when people are with you , as if you are someone who has a good comforting energy, they will think that you are the type that is quite curious too

What you should know about them :- They may have earth placements, i feel that they are generous person , they are someone who is connected with their values and roots , also they possess good communication/expressive quality to them . They have a lot of potential.

A message by them :- They are telling you to look for some outlook that helps in your emotional process , they are telling you that you are trying good but beware of analysing a situation in a wrong way , they are telling you that don't be hasty making some decisions, consider both - emotion and logic . They are asking you to bd more courageous and outgoing .

Thanks a lot , take care , pls answer as per your convenience ^^!

❛ love again ; entry #014

Hello! Thank you so much for joining my game and for following the rules <3 As promised, here's your reading! I hope you'll enjoy it :)  Remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn't!

their first impression of you

Sunsetz by Cigarettes After Sex Your future spouse would think you're beautiful, I would definitely say that they are attracted to you on your first meeting. They think you're somehow lively and full of energy, so warm and friendly. You're also fun to be around with, they would really want to spend some time with you again.

your first date together

Love In Slow Motion by Ed Sheeran Why do I feel like this is going to take place in Valentine's Day? Because I saw the date Feb 14 during this reading. But it's certainly going to feel very romantic alright. Okay, woah. Valentine by 5SOS is playing in my laptop now; that could be a confirmation that it's definitely going to take place on Valentine's! So be on the lookout for that 👀It's possible the date will take place at night, and the both of you will go out and have dinner somewhere.

what you should know about them

You're All I Want by Cigarettes After Sex They're an artistic and creative person; they love to sing and write their own songs. I feel like they're very connected to music, it's possible that they could be a songwriter. Also, I did pick up on this while doing the dating part of the reading; they're a very romantic person, might I say hopeless romantic too? When they love someone, they love deeply and wholeheartedly. (They may listen to Cigarettes After Sex, since I have almost 2,000 songs in my Library, and two of their songs already came up in the shuffle.)

what they love about you

Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney Oh my gosh, this is so freaking sweet. Please give this song a go, if you haven't heard it, because this just explains very well what your future spouse would love about you, do I even need to type it down? Very well, here's the thing...I just got this message that if anyone would ask them what would they love about you; your future spouse's going to reply that "it's everything about you." They find it impossible to pick one thing about you that they love the most. 

how would they show their love to you

This Love by Taylor Swift So your future spouse will show their love to you through a deep and intense emotional connection. They will be completely devoted to you and committed to your relationship, they will be willing to do whatever it takes to make your relationship work, even if it means going through difficult times together, and no matter what comes your way.

signs you see about them

Be Myself by Why Don't We I just got the message, "pay attention to the numbers that your guides are sending you." They're trying to tell you that only you know what it means, deep inside you do. I also saw 333 THREE times now. That's a lot of 3s. That could very well be a number you (will) keep on seeing when you meet them or when they're about to enter your life. AND THIS SONG'S DURATION IS 3:33. GOODNESS ME. Also, you might notice that this person is going to enter your life when you're being called to become your most authentic self. Don't be afraid to be yourself. You will attract this person so strongly when you start to.

a message from them

It's Nice To Have A Friend by Taylor Swift "Hi,(Your name)! I love that we can have fun and be silly together, but also be there for each other during the tough times. Do you remember the time we went on that spontaneous road trip? Or when we danced like crazy people in the rain? Those are the moments that make me grateful for having you in my life. I know that we've had our ups and downs, but I want you to know that I wouldn't want to go through this journey with anyone else. You make everything better just by being here. You're my partner in crime, my soulmate, and my best friend. It's nice to have a friend like you, but it's even better to have a lover like you."

feedback

Your reading is one of the readings that I found so insightful, thank you so much <3 Indeed, I can be quiet sometimes (but not really, HAHA) I just look quiet I suppose LMFAO. Man I sure hope I have that good comforting energy to share with those around me, because I don't know myself, HAHA 😭😭 ALSO YASS. I AM A VERY CURIOUS PERSON THANK YE FOR POINTING THAT OUT HAHAHA. And woow, another confirmation that they have earth placements 👀👀 I have heard from other readings about what you said about my future person, and it def resonates! And man, the message!!! It's definitely something that I really need to hear right now, you have no idea 🥹🥹 The message is so helpful to be honest, and indeed I am already trying to be more courageous and outgoing these days! I suppose I have been picking up that message from him too. Everything resonated with me 🫶🏻 Thank you so much for this reading!

Please don't forget to leave a feedback, tell me what resonates and what doesn't, and whatever you want to add! :)

[blondrichclosetwitch]

Being a 19. A playlist

The baby aka Ouija aka Oliver James is a 19.

19:03 suffragette city–clear enough symbolism, though i have to say that when public enemy’s who stole the soul played at 13:19, i started to pick up on the directness.

But then when “second mistake” played at 19:08……i went oh shit. 19 being the baby, 08 being stella. Him being the first mistake and their second mistake being…stella, and it playing 19:09/11/12 for the triad.

19:14 which obvi is past lives reference played the end of second mistake, piano player and is that jazz, which went all the way to 19:17.

Sidenote: this makes me think of how i was told jakk and i had a past life where he was a piano player and i was a jazz singer, where i played a decoy and he got shot. Psychic jakk would always use it as an excuse about why he wouldnt come in my apartment.

Once i sat on my knees til 5 am, singing to the door, trying to get him to walk in the door.

But then 19:19 was adam and dog. As most people know 19 is the sun, a pretty vibrant moment of happiness.

But then at 19:20, which would combine the sun card with the judgement card, Adams changed played.

But when at 19:22 me & you together song started to play, i laughed and got it directly. He was right.i kinda thought about how clearly they have learned to communicate. He’s actually better than Stella at getting me to get the structure Behind it. Tho she’s a genius, for a 16 year old double fire sign.

19:24 we’ve been had. 24 queen of wands has always been explained to me as the you-are-a-true-witch card. So that showing up combined with the sun could knock you flat.

19:31 was the ryan adams version of blank space, so thats the dynamic between them. Thats their karma.

But what really threw me was cloud on my tongue which started at 19:31 and went through 36/38/39. This is a song that used to be one of the first songs from the very beginning, and it had a gesture to it.

For some reason they loved for me to go in circles, but then i heard him: “ no, the girls, in circles and circles and…” which was all he would ever see, girls in circles…like he’d been trying to tell me all along.

But then 19:39 was innocent weight clap your hands saay yeah (lines are obvious) and polly at 19;52 because boy that baby loves to talk about rape, and i’m in my 52nd year.

And in closing was “cast of thousands” an instrumental, at 19:54. Which I’m starting to get.

And thats how they communicate.