#i finished the second half early so i figured why not post the first half??

[itsjunear]

Hidden Feelings. Part 2

Note: Hi everyone! I apologize for the delay with this second part. I had some issues and I've just been able to finish it. Again, I appreciate the time you take to read me. English is not my first language, and I apologize if this is terrible. Love you! ❤❤❤

Psdt: I want to thank everyone for all the reblogs, likes, and comments on the previous post 😭😭😭 It really brightened my week, I adore you all.

The tags are located at the end. If you want me to tag you for the third and final part, let me know.

Part 1

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Demons, I had forgotten how much I struggled with getting up early.

Especially after staying up late after dinner. I was sure I had passed out on the couch, but I had woken up in one of the rooms I used when I stayed over. I had a slight suspicion of who had brought me there, but for my own good, I decided not to dwell on it.

I forced my body to wake up and get out of the comfortable sheets. I took a quick shower, and the house already had the Ilyrios leathers ready when I stepped out, so I left a grateful remark aloud before getting dressed.

I figured most had stayed over, so I tried to make as little noise as possible as I sneaked into the kitchen to have some leftovers from the night before. It was really delicious, so if I was going to say goodbye to good food for the time I was away, I would make sure to enjoy these last bites. I couldn't stay at the Ilyrian camps, it would be very suspicious if I did after Rhys was asking what had happened to those females. And if I wanted to get answers, real answers, I'd have to make sure to be careful. They would guess my motives for being in the camp as soon as I set foot in it. So, ruled out.

However, there was a tavern a bit further away, nothing a few minutes walk wouldn't solve, with rooms upstairs. The Ilyrians frequented it for drinks. Therefore, that would be my biggest advantage.

A hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality, and I let out a startled shriek before turning around.

"What the hell…"

Oh.

When I noticed the hazel eyes and the shadows in tendrils spreading around the room, I relaxed.

"You scared me to death" I whispered slowly. Az smiled slightly, and for a moment, I held my breath. "I made some noise so you'd hear me, but you were committed to the mission" he pointed at my half-eaten food. I shook my head while suppressing a smile and hurried to clean up what I had messed up.

"Leave it, I'll do it" his voice interrupted me again, as his scent enveloped me, and he gently took things out of my hands. I glanced for a moment at the action, at his scarred hands moving, beautiful as anything I had seen, yet I couldn't ignore the fact that he was making an effort not to touch me, as if consciously avoiding brushing against me. A pang of pain shot through my chest, and I raised my guard again.

How foolish I was being, a complete and damn fool.

"It's okay, Azriel. I can handle it" I tried to say firmly but quietly, unaware that he was looking at me, studying me, searching for something. His wings fluttered softly, and shadows roamed freely around the room, around us.

"Why do you call me that?" he asked slowly, and I looked at him slightly confused, while tendrils of shadows wrapped around my fingers, tickling me a little with their cold touch, but managing to make me smile affectionately at them.

"Call you…. How?" I replied back, distracted by his shadows.

"Azriel" he said flatly. "You stopped saying my full name shortly after we met, and you've gone back to that for several weeks now."

I didn't respond. Obviously, if there was anyone in the world who could notice those things, it would be him. But I couldn't answer him, not honestly, at least. I couldn't tell him that I couldn't call him Az without it hurting, because it made me think of him with love, and I couldn't allow myself to continue that, not when I saw him with the beautiful Archeron sister. So I continued playing with his shadows, avoiding answering, but I felt his attentive gaze on me until the tendrils returned to him, and I had no choice but to lift my head to find him a short distance away from me.

"Did you take me to bed last night?" I asked, changing the subject. Az simply nodded. "Thank you" I whispered, not knowing what else to say. I swallowed hard and stepped away, ready to leave once and for all, before I did or said something I would regret later.

"Y/N" he called "Is everything okay?"

I tensed in my place, of course, he had also noticed that. "Yes" I lied without looking at him as I moved to put some snacks in the small backpack that, oh surprise, he had given me in a past solstice and I always carried with me.

"If it's about dinner, I'm sorry…"

"It's okay, it's forgotten" I interrupted, because if he said anything more, my heart would warm completely, and I would end up lowering the walls. "No" he said firmly, "questioning you like that made it seem like I thought you weren't capable. It's not about that" he looked at me confidently, his hazel eyes fixed on me, almost making me shiver.

I didn't want to know what else it was about because that would hurt my already wounded heart more, so I sent the curiosity to the deepest place in my mind and gagged it with all my might.

"It's okay, Azriel" I smiled slightley "Apologies accepted" I took my backpack, ready to leave this house once and for all and sink into self-pity while freezing to death in the Ilyrian mountains.

"I still think it's a bad idea for you to go alone" he blurted out once I had turned my back, causing me to freeze in place.

"We've talked about this, you know I can do it"

I took one more step before his voice sounded again, "I'm not saying no, just maybe…"

"Azriel, I really don't want to have this discussion again, please" I interrupted quickly. I didn't want him to offer. I couldn't let him, because then I wouldn't know what my reaction would be, and it would give me away.

"You're being irrational, you know?" he shook his head in a resigned tone.

Well, thank Mother he didn't insist further. I released the breath I was holding, and I supposed he realized that I wouldn't give in this time. Not even for him, despite the fact that, in the last few centuries, the word 'no' was never in my vocabulary when it came to Az.

"Maybe" I waved my hand without turning, "See you later, shadowsinger"

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That same afternoon, I was already settled in the rundown room of the tavern. I had to persuade the owner to give me the most decent place possible, and honestly, if this was the best he could offer, I'd take it. It was either this or sleeping on the outskirts of the camp freezing my butt off.

I wrinkled my nose as the smell of mold burned my nostrils. By the Cauldron, Rhys had made me too spoiled.

"Y/N" I heard a voice in my mind.

Speaking of being spoiled…

"I can hear that" the voice spoke again.

I smiled softly. "Of course. Oh mighty High Lord" I replied mockingly.

"I'm glad to see you're in better spirits, Y/N" he responded, also teasing, and my smile faltered. A hint of humor seeped into my mind, and I realized that's what he wanted: to mess with me.

"Don't you have a mate to attend to, Rhys? Instead of bothering me?" I retorted sharply.

"Feyre is very well taken care of by me, thank you for your concern. And to answer your other question, you promised a nightly report" he remarked in that tone of superiority.

Right. "Well, there's not much to update. I'll be staying in that tavern near the camp, a bit off the beaten path to avoid suspicion. And most people here don't know me, so everything should be fine. Tomorrow I'll inquire more about the deaths of those females. A curious outsider at first, and by nightfall, I'll have answers. It shouldn't take more than three days" a touch of approval filled my mind, and I smiled slowly.

"Let me know if you encounter any problems, Y/N" Rhys paused before asking "Is everything okay?"

I knew what he meant, and I knew I could tell him because Rhys wouldn't say a word. But opening that little crack would make everything come to light, would make me collapse, and this wasn't the time or place. So I responded with a joke instead, "No, Rhys, this room smells terrible, and the food is tasteless."

His laughter filled my head. "I didn't know you had become so spoiled aside from lazy" he said in a soft tone, and I understood… I understood that Rhys knew I was lying, but he was letting it go to avoid pressuring me. He had noticed my mood at dinner the night before, my need for space, and yet, he had decided not to comment on it.

My heart warmed. I would give my life for him, for my entire family in general.

"Thank you, Rhys" I tried to pour all my gratitude into that simple phrase, but I knew it wouldn't be enough. "For everything" I paused. "Now, go to your neglected mate before I go kick your butt myself"

His laughter filled my head again before disappearing completely, leaving me alone with the thoughts swirling in my mind.

What was that earlier with Az? When I left, he seemed concerned. I understood his position. He didn't want me to come alone in case something went wrong, especially knowing how much I detested the Ilryos for their harsh customs.

Maybe that's all it is. What else could it be? After all, I was almost as well-trained as the three of them. However, Az was the one who had been most reluctant to let me go alone. And what if…

No. I forced myself not to consider any other possibility that gave me hope. Because I had seen it, I had seen how comfortable he was with Elain, and how today, before I left, he made an effort not to touch me even a single inch.

A familiar pain filled my chest, so strong that it forced me to hug myself tightly as I wrapped myself in the blankets of the bed.

Perhaps, this was how it was meant to be. Three brothers with three sisters. There was no place for me in that equation.

And yet, I couldn't help but think of the times his eyes softened at my poor attempts at baking, even though it tasted like crap and not even Cassian could stomach it, Az would eat the entire portion. Or when in training, my muscles were so stiff that I just wanted to drop to the ground, and he provoked me, knowing what to say to touch the competitive fibers within me, forcing me to get up because he wouldn't let my pride be trampled upon. Even the times he played dirty to make me lose a fight, he knew what to do to distract me.

But none of that mattered. Not when he was with Elain.

It hurt, of course it hurt. It's not like I had been displaced from my place beside him. It's just that seeing him with the Archeron sister made me realize that I wasn't indispensable, he could be fine without me. That's why I had distanced myself, for my own good, for the sake of my feelings, of the unrequited love, and for… their sake.

That I couldn't have Az didn't mean I wouldn't let him be happy with someone else.

And by distancing myself, I supposed I had unintentionally done the same with the others. That's why I had missed some training sessions, why I had stopped going to some family dinners, because it hurt to see him. I knew Cassian was worried, I had seen it in his eyes, and for Rhys, it would be as easy as delving into my mind to know, but he would never do that.

I knew they would let me deal with whatever was happening in my own way, that's why they didn't pressure me, none of them, not even Mor, until I was ready to talk.

And that thought made me realize that I wasn't trying hard enough. I had felt lonely because I had unjustly pushed them away. When I got back home, I would make sure to do my part, I would try to be happy for Az and Elain, I would stop skipping training sessions and dinners to avoid crossing paths with him.

I loved him, and seeing him with someone else hurt me, yet I wouldn't let that affect my relationship with my family. I would pay attention to conversations during meals, I would no longer be a ghost. I had finished with self-pity.

However, I still felt glad to have volunteered to participate in this mission. They deserved all the peace they had, and if I could provide them with more time of tranquility by doing these things, I would. I would postpone everything for as long as possible and offer to go anywhere. And with that last thought in mind, I let sleep take over me and slept peacefully for the first time in months.

@going-through-shit @isa1b2h3 @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @willowpains @mariahoedt @charlotteintumbleland

[owliellder]

Two's A Crowd

College Bully! Leon Kennedy x fem! Reader

MDNI 18+

(Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5)

Description: College is proving to be a lot harder than you imagined. You cannot fail this math class. So when you've tried everything else, a well-known student is recommended to you by your professor for tutoring lessons, not really leaving you with much of a choice but to work with him.

Warnings: Not proofread, No Use of Y/N, Dub-Con, Unprotected Sex, Bullying, Yelling, Cursing

Tags: College AU, Bully! Leon, Shy! Reader, both are in their early 20's, Leon is Rude AF in the beginning, Loss of Virginity, Oral Sex, Fingering, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Additional Tags to be Added

Author's Note: Slightly shorter chapter since I got stuck watching the last two episodes of Fionna and Cake, but I hope y'all like where I'm steering this. Pick up what I'm putting down, eh??

Cross-posted onto AO3

Chapter 2:

“This is insane. You’re not even trying.” 

Leon’s cruel comments had been endless since you showed up today. He was already irritated that you even showed to begin with, now he’s just taking all his frustrations out on you. The guy isn’t even passive aggressive, he’s just aggressive. “I showed you the formula like.. five times already.”

“I don’t need you to patronize me, please.” You asked with a meek voice, bringing your hands up to cover your face for a couple seconds before placing them down on either side of the new math assignment sitting in front of you. You understood his impatience though, you were even starting to grow impatient with yourself, having been stuck on the third question for over thirty minutes now. Leon stressed the fact that you got one hour only with him and you’d basically wasted half that time bouncing from the formula he’d written down to the question itself.

The formula was helpful, but this question included more numbers than you knew what to do with. The main issue was knowing which numbers went where in the formula and you wanted to know why they went where they did, but Leon was only giving you the formula and nothing else. One vague explanation and then he was right back on his phone.

You had a glimmer of hope for the frat boy sitting in front of you. Had, being the keyword here. One study session in and you were already starting to accept defeat. “Can you explain it to me again?” You tapped your pencil on the table nervously, keeping your eyes glued to your paper to avoid the obvious glare you’d receive from him.

The sound of his phone slamming down on the table accompanied with a groan made you grip onto your pencil tighter, now holding it still as he pulled the paper away from you. “Do I have to hold your hand, too? What’s so hard to understand about this?” He reached over, yanking your pencil from your hand so he could scribble out the first few steps to the problem. Afterwards, he tossed both the paper and pencil back over to you, tapping his finger down on the work he wrote down before circling it once. “Need anything else? A warm bottle of milk? Want me to read you a bedtime story?”

He leaned back in the chair, crossing his arms with a sigh after picking his phone back up. “You’ve got fifteen more minutes.” The fuck’s his problem? 

Letting out a small sigh of your own, you silently picked up the pencil and looked down at what he’d written. Surprisingly, it did help you make more sense of the rest of the assignment sheet, figuring out the placement of the numbers by using where Leon had put them. Soon, the assignment sheet was finished and you had him look it over.

“Is it-.. Is it good?” You watched Leon carefully, studying his face for any sort of emotion other than annoyance. You unfortunately didn’t find it, but his muttered “good” made you smile, taking your own turn studying your work once he handed it back. Not tossed or thrown, handed back.

He took in a sharp breath through his nose before standing up, focus still trained on his phone. There was only a few minutes left in the hour, so you guess he took your understanding of the material as his leave. “Can we.. uh.. study again on Monday?” His hand paused on the door handle at your question, looking back at you from over his shoulder with his lips pulled tight as he gave you a glare. “You just love taking up my time, don’t you?”

“Wait, is that-” The slam of the door cut you off, leaving you to watch him saunter off through the large window in the door. Your shoulders slumped and you turned back to give your math assignment one last look before stuffing it into your backpack. At least with this new understanding, you’d be able to hopefully do the next few assignments. Mr. Lebovic was kind enough to let you redo your past fails, meaning all you’re doing is slowly climbing your way back up to a better grade with make-up work.

You held out for Leon, constantly giving him the benefit of the doubt with each study session following the first. You did your absolute best to remain passive with him, but each session was filled with crude, nasty, hate-filled comments directed at you, so it was only a matter of time until you started throwing your own comments back at him. By the beginning of November, studying had been put on the back burner whenever you two met up, assignments left abandoned in favor of fleshing out full blown arguments. He always won since you’d never really had a loud voice to defend yourself and his favorite go-to was low blow insults, somehow always managing to sniff out your insecurities.

Leon’s pattern was always one step forward, ten steps back with you. He would help and then spend the rest of your hour together nitpicking your every attempt to learn. He hated you and it was driving you mad. It was impossible to learn anything like this.

You’d grown a sour mood leading up to your trek to the library for one of your regular study sessions, a scowl settling on your face. You decided hours ago that getting dressed wasn’t an option today, you just didn’t weren’t in the mood, so instead you threw on a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants to mind the brisk chill that had rolled in at the end of October. 

The walk to the main building was dull; most of the leaves on the trees around campus had long since browned and fallen off, the grass was dead and crunchy, and it almost felt like it would start snowing anytime now with how quickly the cold had come. The feel in the air made you tired, it made you miss home. The weather made you long for the warmth a home-cooked meal provided, but you had to wait, and that wait was only contributing to your already piss poor mood.

Making your way into the library and into the reserved study room, you didn’t even notice Leon’s smile until he asked you to pull out your most recent assignment. It immediately put you off because it wasn't like his normal cocky smile or smirk, no, this one was oddly genuine. Soft, even.

“Can I see it?” He asked, smile widening slightly as he gestured towards your backpack. Even his tone was softer than usual. “Uh…” You weren’t quite sure how to react, not really processing his words as you tried to figure out whether he’s setting a trap or not.

“Your assignment. Can I see it?” Leon clarified, his arms resting crossed on the table as he glanced down to your bag and then back up at you. That was also weirding you out; the eye contact. Normally he only ever met your gaze when he was intimidating you with a deep glare and it wasn’t ever this long. He was making a point to look at you now.

Without saying a word, you unzipped your bag and pulled out a couple papers, only looking away from him twice to make sure you were getting the right ones. You made sure to hold eye contact with him, eyebrows furrowed as you searched for any insincerity. 

You’d grown rigid with his kind behavior, even more so when he thanked you and took the papers from you. Questioning him was your top priority right now, though your mouth refused to work with your brain, causing you to stutter out a simple “..what?” Leon only hummed, tilting his head a bit as he looked down at your work, following the tip of his pen as it trailed down the paper. 

“What-..” You repeated, swallowing dryly before finally getting the full “What’re you doing?” out. He seemed genuinely confused at your question, looking up to give you a puzzled look. “Hm? Whaddya mean what am I doing? I’m looking over your work.” He looked back down at your paper, clearing his throat quietly.

“No, you’re being nice. Why are you being nice?” You were quick to shoot back to try and draw his attention back to you. “If this is a joke, I’m not gonna fall for it.”

Leon sighed and dropped the pen down onto the paper to rest his crossed arms on the table again. “Why are you asking so many questions? It’s not a big deal.”

Not a big deal?! “Not a big deal?! You’ve argued with me every other day for the past three weeks!” Your hands balled up into fists on your lap, completely baffled by the dismissiveness of his complete 180° in demeanor. “I-” You stopped yourself, taking a moment to breathe. This was.. actually a nice change of pace now that you think about it. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth?

He gave you his normal annoyed look at your sudden pause, seemingly waiting on you to finish talking. “You..?” Shaking your head a bit, you let out a soft laugh and waved your hand. “Nevermind, uh.. yeah, nevermind…”

“Ooookay, well, you did good on this one so you can turn it in.” Leon held up the first paper before sliding it across the table to you, then picking up the second paper. “But this one needs a bit of work. I circled the questions that need to be redone, not gonna tell you what’s wrong with them, though.” You watched as he slid the other paper to you with your own smile now forming. Pulling out a pencil, you started to relax for the first time around this guy, bringing your attention down to the circled questions.

Your study session has never been more productive. He was being helpful; answering your questions, talking you through each step, giving you smiles and the occasional thumbs up. You’re not sure what changed or why, but you definitely weren’t complaining. When Leon wasn’t acting like someone shoved a stick up his ass, he was actually pretty handsome. You’d mentally recognized his good looks when you first met him, yet his demeanor as a whole masked those good looks entirely.

There was no way he could throw anymore surprises at you, but you stood corrected when he walked over to you at the end of your session, stopping you from walking out. “Listen, I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting. I don’t want to be mean to you, it’s just…” He paused to laugh to himself, looking down at the ground with an almost bashful expression. “I’m only tutoring because it’s a big part of my grade in my class, so..” Not a complete lie on his part.

“Oh. Oh, it's.. it’s fine.” You didn’t want him to revert back to his old style, so you chose to just dismiss it. His attitude did make sense, you wouldn’t want to tutor random people for a grade. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks. Uh.. oh, here-” Leon opened and held the study room door open for you, giving you a small wave as you walked out, which you returned. That was a nice mood booster, not being degraded and demeaned every time you see the one person who’s supposed to help you. 

Your friends had their own opinions about the experience after you described it to them. You’d been relaying every bit of info relating to your study sessions from the past three weeks to them, a second and third opinion was good to have for such an odd trade.

“I don’t trust it. Plain and simple.” Sky placed their hands down on their thighs with an audible slap. They didn’t seem impressed by Leon’s sudden chivalry, and to your disappointment, neither did Ella when you looked over from Sky to her. She just looked back at you with a shrug. “Sorry. I’m gonna have to take Sky’s side on this. There’s just something off about that.”

You sighed in defeat, turning your head around to look out the window in the dorm room. It was nice that Sky and Ella shared a dorm, you can’t discuss stuff like this in your own dorm in case your roommate decided to randomly appear. “Yeah…”

Ella scooted closer to you on the bed and pulled you back so your head was resting in her lap. “I know you got your hopes up, but please be careful. I don’t wanna see you get hurt because some pretty boy decided it would be fun to manipulate you.” You groaned, covering your face with your arms. Nothing even happened and you’re already feeling embarrassed.

“It’s okay if you like him, he is kinda cute.” Ella giggled and moved one of your arms to poke your cheek. “But just remember that the guy’s got a bit of a reputation for being a major douche.”

Sky, sitting over on their bed, pointed at Ella in agreement. “Emphasis on major douche.” They smiled and leaned back, their head plopping onto their pillows. “It was just one instance of him being sweet, after all. Who’s to say he won’t revert back to being an asshole by Wednesday?”

“I know, I get it.” You swatted Ella’s hand away and sat back upright. Even if he was putting up a front, it was still nice to get some real help with your math without being insulted. Everyone deserves a second chance and he seemed honest enough when he told you why he’d been so rude, so why not try again with him? Start fresh, maybe you’ll get to make an unlikely friend out of this popular frat boy.

A bit of a far fetched idea, considering the vast differences between you and Leon, but anything like that is worth another try. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

tags:

@kayotee4 @k-fallingstar @bobastayhigh @mi-zer-y @chasingkennedy @l30nva @espressonerd @jjouki @5tarx @bunnybreadloaves @whoisgami @cyanscribe @c4b3r1a @darichvep @mmmangel @kingtacocat @klee-iii @baby--vera @dakiniii @kenma-izhu @aliidarling @leonsmamacita

(a few of your blogs won't show up but i tried)

[theslushiestnoob]

——————————————————————————

American Boy (pt. 3)

Word count: 2.6k

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‘I think you should see more of Toronto, I mean, you’ve travelled two thousand miles and are spending most of your time here in my apartment,’ Mandy says as she places a smoothie in front of me. It was somewhat early in the morning, yet the four of us were already gathered in Mandy and Martin’s kitchen.

‘Three thousand five hundred miles,’ Hamzah says, looking at Mandy.

‘What?’

‘The distance from Toronto to London.’

‘Boy, how do you know that,’ Martin asks bemusedly.

Hamzah looks flustered for a second before responding, ‘Common knowledge, dude,’

‘It’s really not,’ Mandy says, ‘but alright. My point is, I can give you a tour! Show you all the best places, y’know?’

‘That sounds so fun, I could definitely use a tour guide,’ I nod, taking a sip of my drink.

‘Girl, you’ve lived here for like a year. If anyone should give her a tour, it’s me,’ Hamzah scoffs, crossing his arms across his chest. I feel a blush rising into my cheeks. Does he mean that, or is he just making a joke?

‘Why don’t we all go? We could even vlog it,’ Martin adds.

‘That's not a bad idea, and it gives us something to do today. Let’s do it.’ Mandy nods, and links arms with Martin, who beams at her.

Hamzah makes eye contact with me for a moment, but I can’t read his expression. He uncrosses his arms and leans back against the counter, resting his hands on the lip of the countertop. His white t-shirt stretches across his broad chest.

‘M’kay, let me wake up a bit first,’ Hamzah mutters.

The drive to the apartment this morning had an air of awkwardness from the events of the night before remaining unaddressed. Mandy and Martin had no idea about the almost-kiss, and clearly neither me nor Hamzah intended to tell them about it. As always, Hamzah had greeted me at my door, but he avoided my gaze. Occasionally during the drive, I would see him look at me out of the corner of my eye, his mouth half-open as if he were about to say something, but he would always stop himself. We had only briefly spoken about the sims video we had recorded the day before, which he had finished editing and was scheduled to post later tonight.

‘Our first stop has to be the aquarium,’ Mandy says excitedly.

*

‘Look at that fish!’ Hamzah says, smiling up at a large clownfish as it swam toward the glass of its habitat. His profile was illuminated by the blue glow of dim light, framing his face in an angelic turquoise halo. The faint gleam emphasised the subtle arch of his nose and the tantalising fullness of his lips, making my stomach flip as I watched him. The warm smile that pulled at the corners at his mouth was infectious, and I mirrored it as I sidled next to him to watch the fish. He turned to look at me, his smile transforming into an expression of pained intensity. His gaze lingered on the side of my face, but I kept mine fixed on the exhibit. His eyes never left my face as his breathing deepened, and I turned to face him. I met his stare, looking into his deep brown eyes. I scrunched my eyebrows as I melted under his consuming gaze.

He tore his eyes away from mine and scrubbed a hand over his face, looking around nonchalantly.

I spun on my heels, and saw Mandy. She stood a few metres behind us, pointing her phone camera in our direction.

‘I… uh, where’s Martin?’ Hamzah asks, taking a step away from me.

‘He went to go see the turtles,’ Mandy replies, gesturing down the corridor.

Hamzah nods, stalking off in the direction Mandy pointed.

Mandy gawks at me.

‘What the fuck? What happened? That was weirdly tense,’

I shake my head and watch Hamzah’s figure retreating.

‘I… Mandy, we almost kissed last night, I think,’

‘WHAT?’ she shrieks, her hand flying to her mouth.

I shush her, looking around embarrassedly.

‘I mean, I think we did? I don’t know, I think he hates me now,’

‘He doesn’t hate you, y/n, did you see how he was looking at you?’

‘He’s hardly spoken to me all day,’ I sigh, then gesture to her phone. ‘Are you putting that in the vlog?’

‘You’ll have to watch and see,’

I groan and shield my face with my hands.

‘Girl, do you like him?’

‘Are we in year five?’

‘Stop deflecting!’

‘I… that's a difficult question! I’ve only known him for a week. I mean… yes? I don’t know, Mandy,’

She takes my hand and starts leading me in the direction Hamzah left.

‘Let’s get out of here and get something to eat.’

*

We sit at the restaurant table as Mandy pans her camera around our plates.

‘And what did you get, y/n?’

‘Here I have a gorgeous falafel and hummus sandwich and a crisp glass of water,’ I reply, beaming into the camera.

Hamzah chuckles opposite me, and I look up at him.

‘What?’ I ask, seeing his amused smile.

‘Wor-tuh’ he mimics, and I roll my eyes. Mandy giggles at the impression, payback for my imitation of her a few days before, I expect.

‘Shut up,’ I retort, picking up my sandwich and taking a bite.

‘Okay, iPods, this is our mukbang segment,’

‘And you guys can be the POV of the creepy guy watching us eat,’ Martin adds to the camera.

‘Why would you say that?’ Hamzah chuckles.

I smile softly to myself as I feel the awkward atmosphere dispel. Hamzah seems to be consciously ignoring the intense moment at the aquarium, and I am somewhat grateful for it - I don’t want to confront my feelings right now.

‘What are we doing this afternoon?’ He asks.

‘We should probably film something for the channel, if the sims video is going up later.’ Martin replies between bites of his meal. Hamzah nods in agreement.

‘We should go out tonight, though!’ Mandy adds, ‘y/n should experience the Toronto nightlife.’

‘She doesn’t give me huge party-girl energy,’ Hamzah observes, sliding his gaze toward me momentarily.

‘Yeah, I’m really not…’

‘Come on! One night won’t hurt. Just for the experience.’

‘Fine, why not?’ Hamzah looks at me again, an expression of surprise and curiosity on his face before he returns to his meal.

*

I appraise my outfit in the mirror, watching the way my black mini skirt swishes around my thighs and my white top hugs my body. I slip on my knee-high boots and grab my purse, as a notification lights up the screen of my phone.

A text, from Hamzah.

Am I picking you up?

My stomach flips as I read who the message is from, but the words annoy me slightly. Is he really going to pretend nothing happened? Another notification pops up on my screen.

I’ll drive home from the bar, so we can take my car.

I walk toward my front door as I type out a reply.

Sure! See you soon?

I await a reply, before my phone buzzes less than a minute later.

👍🏻

*

There’s a knock at my door, which I rush to answer. The door swings open, and I am greeted by Hamzah’s tall frame. He wore a sage green button up shirt, paired with dark baggy jeans. He wasn’t wearing a hat, as he usually does, his dark curls defined and hanging in front of his eyebrows.

He drops his gaze to my legs before raising it back up to my face and loose hair.

‘Look who got all dressed up,’ He smirked.

‘I could say the same about you,’ I smile back at him, locking my door behind me and starting toward the car.

He opens the door for me before getting into the driver's seat, the routine action settling my nerves about the awkwardness between us.

He starts the short drive to the bar we planned to meet Mandy and Martin in, peering through the windshield into the darkness of the night. Streetlamps rushed past the car as it rumbled down the roads, casting puddles of amber light over us as we drove.

‘So,’ I broke the silence, ‘you don’t drink?’

‘Nah,’ he shook his head, eyes focused on the road ahead, ‘which makes me the perfect candidate for a designated driver.’

I nodded, my eyes fixed on his hand gripping the steering wheel. He had a very particular way of driving, leaning back casually against his seat and only using one hand to steer, which I had been observing over the past few days. It seemed peculiar to me, an extremely nervous driver, to see him so relaxed behind the wheel, but I had come to trust his driving skills.

He had rolled up his sleeves, exposing his forearms. He drummed the fingers of his free hand against his window, the muscles in his arm flexing from the movement. I forced myself to tear my gaze away from him, and spent the rest of the journey looking out of my window.

*

‘Oh. My. God, y/n you look so gorgeous!’ Mandy greets me with a hug as I step out of the car. The muffled music playing from the bar spilled faintly outside onto the street, as did the pungent smell of people and alcohol.

‘So do you!’ I reply, admiring her pale yellow dress and slicked-back hair. She looped her arm through mine and pulled me toward the entrance of the bar, beckoning Hamzah and Martin to follow us.

Stepping over the threshold, the music immediately intensified. The blaring sounds of pop music drowned out most of the chatter surrounding us as we weaved through the dense crowd of people. Mandy led me to a table in the corner of the room, slinging her handbag over the back of one of the chairs.

‘Martin and Hamzah are getting drinks,’ Mandy yells over the noise, and I nod in understanding. Not much later, the boys return, armed with sparkling glasses.

‘Is it usually this busy?’ I attempt to shout over the noise.

Hamzah hears me, and replies, ‘Yup. This neighbourhood has crazy nightlife.’

We take a few sips of our drinks, take a moment to get accustomed to the volume of the room.

‘Let’s dance!’ Mandy yells, pulling me up from my seat and into the throng of people, as ‘Save Your Tears’ starts playing.

In the mass of people, I feel surprisingly free. I felt unobserved, blending into the packed crowd. I began to dance, uninhibited, holding Mandy’s hands as we spun to the beat of the music.

I looked back toward our table, to see Hamzah looking right at me. I froze, holding his unwavering gaze.

I don’t know why I run away.

His face was blank of any discernible emotion. I felt my heartbeat hasten in my chest, and broke the eye contact to look around sheepishly, feeling his scrutiny.

I’ll make you cry when I run away.

I look back at Hamzah, his dark eyes still focused on me.

‘I’m going to get another drink,’ I yell to Mandy, who nods at me as I sidle toward the bar.

I sink into a barstool, hanging my head in my hands. I don’t understand him at all, I thought. He looks at me as if he’s attempting to decode me, to figure me out, but then he goes cold. He won’t let himself get close to me, I realise, and every time we get near that boundary he pulls back. I sigh, before gesturing to the bartender.

‘Please could I get a diet coke?’ The bartender nods and turns away.

‘You seem upset,’ a husky voice addresses me. I turn to see a man sat on the stool beside me, smiling at me faintly.

‘Oh, no, I’m fine, thank you, though,’ I say with a tight-lipped smile. I watch him look me up and down, his eyes lingering on my exposed thighs and shoulders. I feel the sudden urge to cover myself,

and rest my hands on my knees.

‘You’re beautiful, what are you doing here alone on a Friday night?’

‘Y’know, I’m, uh, here with some friends, actually,’ I reply, gesturing in the general direction of the provisional dance floor where I had left Mandy.

The man leaned toward me, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I stiffen at this unwelcome touch, and feel his breath hot on my face.

‘Can I get you this drink?’

Before I can answer, I feel a strong arm wrap around my shoulders from behind.

‘Are you okay, babe? Did you get your drink?’

I snap my head toward the familiarly deep voice and see Hamzah smiling down at me affectionately, his searing touch lingering on my bare arms. He looked to the man beside me, who was staring at us incredulously.

‘Is this guy bothering you?’ Hamzah asks, narrowing his eyes at him as he tightens his grip on the shoulders.

‘Uhh…’ I stammer, my mind frazzled from the encounter. The man’s eyes were flitting between Hamzah’s face and mine, looking intimidated by Hamzah’s possessive confidence. The man raises his hands defensively, but no words escape his parted lips.

Hamzah stoops his neck and presses a light kiss to my exposed collarbone, the brush of his warm lips eliciting a shiver through my body.

‘Let’s go, babe,’ Hamzah says, resting his large hand on the small of my back and guiding me up out of the barstool.

‘Hey, man, I didn’t mean-’ the man starts, but Hamzah ignores him and steers me toward the exit.

Back out on the street, a gust of the cool night air jolts me to attention.

‘Jesus, are you alright?’ Hamzah asks, his arm still wrapped around my waist.

‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ I say, looking down at my feet and tucking my hair behind my ears.

‘Hey, look at me,’ Hamzah says softly, his hands running up my arms to rest on my shoulders.

I look up to meet his gaze, his expression honest and concerned. His thumbs rubbed circles on the surface of my skin, the sensation comforting and intimate.

‘I’m fine, I promise. He was just… weird,’ I affirm as Hamzah continues to study my expression.

Hamzah sighs, and pulls me in for a hug. His strong arms hold me in a tight embrace, shielding me from the whipping evening air. The heat emanating from his body comforted me, making me feel as if I were wrapped in a warm blanket. He gently rocked me side to side, and I pressed my eyes closed, melting into his touch.

After a minute of standing like this, Hamzah whispered into my hair, ‘let’s get you home.’

*

The car ride home was silent other than the music of Hamzah’s Red CD, the melodic tune of everything has changed playing softly in the warm heated car. Hamzah kept glancing at me concernedly, but each time I returned his look with a reassuring, thankful smile.

Your eyes look like coming home

All I know is a simple name

Everything has changed

*

Before I went to bed that night, I opened the latest slushy noobz video that had been posted a few hours ago. I watched my painfully awkward entrance, which Hamzah had thankfully edited to make me look slightly more poised. I scrolled to the comment section, reading the top comment. It stuck in my head the remainder of the night, its implications bouncing around my head.

Comments 1,218:

iPodSlusher: Oh my God, the way Hamzah looks at her.

——————————————————————————

I hope you enjoyed this!! I can’t stop writing haha so let me know if you’d like me to continue 💕

[aaakikoo]

SOMETHING PRECIOUS

summary -> when you think that you have nothing in your life other to get married to the prince your parents set you up with, someone else comes along your way.

paring -> bodyguard b. katsuki x f! princess reader

an -> finally I posted the first part after a month of posting the m.list 😭. We are already on the first part and I want this to end.

warnings -> cursing, crying, jealousy, (cheating?), injury, blood, smut, tell me if I missed any!

series m.list - this is part 1

“Are you ready, your highness?” You heard outside your bedroom, “almost done, wait up!” You yelled back at your maid, she was waiting for you to exit the room so she could finish her cleaning duty.

“Alright I’m done, see you later.” You waved at her as you began walking towards to the main hall. You were meeting with your parents, the king and the queen of the kingdom.

Your father had told you that the discussion would be serious so you didn’t know what to except.

Your father has always been loving, he cared for you and wished you the best, but sometimes he could be a little too strict, and a little hotheaded too. But overall he loved you so much.

As you arrived at the main hall and the guards opened the doors for you to enter.

The second you walked in you saw your as as always beautiful mother, the queen of the kingdom. She always understood you so well and she was so sweet to you during the hardest times.

Your eyes drifted to your father as he was smiling at you. However the figure standing next to your father was unfamiliar.

You took a seat infront of your mother and behind your father.

“Hello, I am here.” You joked, “y/n, we have to discuss a serious topic with you.” Your mother began.

“You know there have been an increasing level in crimes recently right?” She asked already knowing her answer.

“Yes, mother.” You replied back while fidgeting with your hands under the table.

“We’ve been trying to solve the issue in the kingdom, there have been more peace in most parts but there are still a high level of crimes in the shady areas of the kingdoms.” Your mom said before taking in a deep breath.

“As your parents we are worried for you.”

Your father spoke, “so we hired you a bodyguard. He is a retired pro-hero that will be by your side to defend you at any minor incident.”

You didn’t know what to say at this point, speechless.

“Hello, your highness. My name is Katsuki Bakugou, it is a very much pleasure to meet you.” You turned around to look at the man’s face but you couldn’t.

He half bowed at you with his left palm on his right chest.

“H-hello.” You said in response.

“Darling, he will be guiding your room at night and he will be following you during the day, if you feel uncomfortable you should tell me immediately so we can change the bodyguard.” Your mother said with eyes full of hope for the best.

“O-oh okay, mother.”

“Soo..what’s your name?” You asked while taking a sip from your drink.

“I have already told you, your highness. It is Katsuki Bakugou.” The man in black tux suit said.

“Oh right, what’s your favourite food?” You asked him once again.

“I like anything spicy.” He replied with all seriousness.

The weird part about this conversation is that while you are sitting in the sun sipping from your drink he was standing right behind you so you can’t even see him.

“Why don’t you take a seat?” You looked at him now.

“I am here to defend you, not to be your friend, your highness.” He said not bothering to look at you.

You scoffed and stood up, heading back to your room annoyed. Not expecting his heavy footsteps to be following along. You sighed.

You woke up the next day early and worried. You were supposed to be meeting with the prince from the neighboring kingdom. Right, the annoying one. His family are just as wealthy as yours, if not more, with a lot of money and power, huge armies and a lot of resources.

Your fathers goal is for you to marry the prince. So that those two kingdoms can unite and the power would still remain in the royal families.

However there was only one issue.

You absolutely despised the prince, his name is Shouto Todoroki.

You absolutely hated his white shiny that would flash at you whenever he’d show his annoying smirk. You absolutely hated his cocky attitude and his idiotic personality. You hated everything about the man.

It is the fourth meeting this month and you’ve already had enough.

After getting ready you got out of your bedroom only to be met with tired red eyes.

“O-oh good morning, Bakugou.” You greeted, “good morning, your highness, slept well?” He asked, “yes, have you?” You asked the man, knowing the answer yourself.

“Not so very well.” He replied, “good news for you then, I’ll be having breakfast with my family so you can take a rest.” You said leaving, not bothering to hear anything from him.

“Good morning, y/n. Excited for today?” Your father said just as soon as the butlers and the maids left the dinning room. “No, father.” You replied drinking the last sip of your tea.

“Why not, sweetheart?” Your mother asked, “I don’t like the prince.”

Your mother laughed.

“That’s nonsense, he will be your future husband.” Your dad said cleaning off his plate, “I am aware, but I do not like him, father.”

“Well unfortunately, you’re not getting married for love here. go to your room and get properly ready and dressed, the royal family will be here in a few hours.” Your mother waved you off as she called for the maids to clean the table.

You quickly got out and headed to your room. As soon as you hopped on your bed you screamed into your pillow.

“Why does this have to happen with me?” You thought.

A knock on your door drew your attention as you yelled, “come in!”

A tall blond man walked in, “had a good breakfast?” He asked, “yeah except for the fact that we talked about the that prince Todoroki and his family are coming to see us, for the fourth fucking time this month!” You yelled the last part.

“I suggest you watch your mouth, your highness. Nobel princess don’t speak like that.” He joked as he crossed his muscular arms over his chest.

“Nor am I Nobel, and nor do I wanna be a princess.” You said annoyed.

A moment of silence followed.

“I hate prince Todoroki, everything about him annoys me, his looks and his personality and all the above again. But my father is so eager on getting us married for power.” You complained to the blond man who had absolutely zero business in your life.

“I would sit and comfort you, but that’s not my job. Get up and get dressed, these are orders from the queen.” He said seriously and you sighed.

Another of moment of silence follows as you got up from your bed.

“I have thought of running away many times.” You let your mouth run, when you realized what you had said you slapped your lips.

“Y-you aren’t going to tell that to my parents, right?” You asked worriedly as Bakugou nodded.

“That’s not a part of my job either.”

You smiled a little bit. “I’ve always thought of running away. There were a lot of days where I felt super lonely, nobody understood me because they all cared about money, power and fame. I have no friends here, and I do not want to get married to someone I don’t love.” You vented to the blond man next to you, you felt hot tears rolling down both of your cheeks, you tried whipping them away before you saw that your bodyguard was handing you a handkerchief.

“Don’t cry, princesses don’t cry.” He said as you took the handkerchief from the man, he gently patted your head as you both heard your maid from the other side of the door.

“Your highness, are you inside? The queen sent me to do your hair!”

“You may enter.”

Bakugou quickly pulled away his hand from your head before muttering a “see you later” and leaving.

“It’s all done, your highness! You look so incredibly good, I know the prince will love the dress!” Your maid in excitement.

“Thank you, looks good indeed. You are free to leave now.” You said as she bowed to you and left.

You took a deeper look at yourself, dark wine red dress pared with white heels, a pretty blow out and perfectly matched makeup, in addition to golden jewellery dangling around your neck, behind your ears, around your fingers and wrists.

You left your room to see Bakugou standing there, he eyed you quickly before taking a step behind you so you can walk in front of him.

As you arrived at the main hall you felt your stomach drop when you saw the prince. You wanted to throw up already. Bakugou pulled your chair for you to sit on as he stood behind you.

“Who’s this?” Prince Todorokis mother asked.

“How about we let him introduce himself.” Your mother said.

“Good evening, my name is Katsuki Bakugou, I am Princess y/n l/n’s bodyguard.” He said as he bowed down to everyone.

“You may take your leave.” Your father said and just like that, the blond man was gone.

After a good five minutes of the kings and queens speaking to each other, the prince said, “you look wonderful as always princess, can’t wait to have you all to myself.” You almost gagged at his disgusting comment, you didn’t reply though only a nod with a smile.

After the long meeting and boring meeting, you headed back to your quarters to see your blond bodyguard already guarding it.

When he saw you approach he opened the door to your room. You looked around for a second before whispering to him, “get in with me.” You told him and he obeyed.

You sat down at your bed and kicked off your heels, “how was the meeting, princess?” Bakugou asked taking your heels and putting them in your closet.

“Fucking shitty” you spat.

“How so?” The blond asked, looking around your room, to avoid your gaze.

“That stupid fucking prince, he pisses me off so much!” You said annoyed.

“Cheer up, at least you won’t see him for probably another month, right?” Bakugou said trying to lighten up the mood.

“Yeah, we probably won’t have another meeting but he always just appears by himself randomly. That dog.”

A knock on your door draws your attention as you scream “enter!”

Your mother comes in and Bakugou half bends when she completely enters the room.

“Y/n, come with me. We’re discussing something important.”

You stared at your mother with nothing to say. “I’ll be there in a moment.” You said and she wasn’t satisfied.

“Your majesty, I’ll escort the princess very soon.” Bakugou spoke and she smiled.

“Thank you, we are waiting y/n.”

As you took a seat with your parents both their attentions drew to you. Your father put down his cup of tea as he dismissed the maids.

“What did you want to talk about?” You asked.

“Since you left earlier with no explanation whatsoever. Which is by the way so disrespectful of you, me and your father and prince Todoroki’s parents discussed the wedding.” As your mother finished her statement you groaned.

“Y/N!” Your father slammed his fist onto his chair and yelled. Both you and your mother were shocked.

“Pay attention! Your wedding is going to be in a year. So we will start preparing starting next week, to make sure that it will be the best wedding ever this kingdom had seen.”

“Father. You know I don’t love the prince.”

“Y/n. You know this isn’t about love.” Your mother said as your father was rubbing his forehead.

At this point you didn’t bother anymore. You dismissed yourself and headed back to your quarters.

Your parents words were running in your mind like crazy, after all they really don’t care about your feelings at all.

[brighter-by-the-daly]

Rachel Daly x Reader

Part Eight - Fantasies 🔞

Posted: 19/03/23 Edited: 10/08/23

Rachel had told you where the family stand was, that it’s a private entrance and to come early as family were allowed in an hour in before the general public. You, your friends and your family made your way up the steps to the stadium, found the entrance Rachel was talking about and handed over your tickets for inspection. Adjusting your shirt as they waved you inside and handed you vip lanyards you made your way through the corridor. Turning a corner you spotted Rachel was leaning up against the wall, her face lit up when she noticed you and leant in for a hug placing a kiss on your cheek. “I thought you’d be talking tactics by now, what ya doing?” you asked, surprised to see her. “I’ve come to show you to your seats!” Rachel said to everyone, taking your hand and leading you out through the tunnel, you got butterflies knowing this is where it all started, last time you were here you were flirting and now she’s actually your girlfriend! Who would have thought! She walked you out onto the pitch with your family where Millie and Rachel’s families were too, “I thought you’d like some photos in the empty stadium?” she asked. Posing while Rachel snapped away on the camera, you introduced everyone to both families and Millie’s said they’d heard a lot about you the took the piss out of your shirt “someone requested it specially” you quipped giving Rach the eyes which made her look away embarrassed. They all went to take their seats while Millie took some photos of you and Rachel who had specific poses in mind. “Y/N!” you heard someone shout your name, startled at the noise echoing through the tunnel but you couldn’t tell who it was coming from until Mary and Beth appeared. “Why didn’t anyone tell me you were coming?! I need to make another tiktok with you, the last one got soooo many views!!” she exclaimed. “Hey, you’re just using my girlfriend for clout!” Rach shouted, pushing her friend jokingly. “That’s only because they were trying to figure out who I was, they’ve worked it out now!” you laughed. You didn’t mind, you liked feeling like part of the team. The five of you made a few dance videos together and then Mary directed one of just you and Rach for the gram. As the rest of the team started heading out on to the pitch, they all waved and high 5d you as you ran towards your seat which was front row and with everyone else’s family. You were so excited for this game, you flicked through Insta stories and realised Rachel’s brother had posted a video of you all on the pitch with the caption “love seeing my sister so happy”, you looked at him behind you and pulled a cute teary face like the emoji 🥹then chatted amongst yourselves while the girls warmed up until it was time for kick off. Your besties posted so many photos bragging that they were front row at Wembley which you thought was funny. There was an incredible light show and fireworks which got you all geared up and dancing before the girls walked out on the pitch to face Brazil. It was a tense first half which finished 0-0 so it was all to play for in the second. Rachel was playing where Sarina liked to keep her - as defender. All the girls were in top form, they had to be, they all wanted to be seen as a threat in the World Cup. Half time came and went but when the girls came back you noticed Rachel had moved up front, you felt in your bones that this is her moment, she’s going to score in this position and Brazil didn’t know what was about to hit them.

Sure enough, ten minutes into the second half Millie shot Rachel a beautiful long ball which she headed straight into the back of the net. The crowd went absolutely wild, it was electric, you were all screaming and hopping around! Rachel jumped into Millie’s arms as they raised their hands to the sky for her dad. You actually started crying you were so happy but you knew there was still at least half hour to go.

Brazil had a good few chances but nothing ever succeeded until suddenly catastrophe struck, a tackle gone wrong awarded Brazil a penalty and the atmosphere changed dramatically. They were huddled talking tactics while our girls were gearing Mary up, Brazil struck the ball which felt like it took forever to land safely into Mary’s gloves. You heard 90,000 people breath a sigh of relief as the ball was played back down our end of the field where we gained a corner. Sweetly taken by Russo where Millie was patiently waiting at the back post and used her signature header to plant it nicely in the back of the net. You screamed so loud you thought you were going to lose your voice! Surely it’s all over for Brazil now! Sure enough they couldn’t claw it back and England were announced the winners! The crowd sang out a very loud rendition of ‘Sweet Caroline’ as the players celebrated with each other and when ‘Freed by Desire’ started playing the whole crowd was dancing as they took their lap of honour. The girls came dancing over to the family stand as they jumped in front of you singing with the crowd. Rachel leant over the barrier with a pouty face, looking at her questioning whether she actually wanted you to kiss her in front of everyone, as soon as she nodded you rushed over and grabbed her cheeks to kiss her. “I’m so proud of you!!” shouting in her face “and you!!” grabbing and shaking Millie’s shoulders, all of you with the biggest smiles ever. They danced off with their friends and you realised the cameras caught everything, including Katie’s who was live on Insta.

The girls stayed behind to sign autographs while everyone trickled out of the stadium but you hung around until your girl came and got you to go back to the dressing room. Hand in hand walking back down the tunnel, you kissed at the entrance. “Can you believe this was less than a fortnight ago?” you said as you both turned around to look at the empty stadium again. “Becoming a bit of a tradition isn’t it” she smiled as she wrapped her arm around your shoulders. “Except.. later I’ll be taking this off not telling you to put it on” she laughed as she tugged at your shirt. “Wear your kit home please” you begged “but I’m so dirty (y/n/n)” she whined in response. “Riiight, there’s no point showering when you’re just gonna get all hot and bothered again is there” nudging her slightly. “You’re not wrong” she admitted, “I’ll bring my spare kit home, deal?” holding out her hand for you to shake. She pulled you in with her arm around you and walked you into the dressing room. Everyone was dancing and drinking, Mary was filming everything as usual, even Sarina was having a boogie! Everyone cheered as you both walked in, except Leah but you didn’t care, they weren’t cheering for you anyway! You sat down on the bench watching the girls have the best time of their lives celebrating getting one more step closer to being the best in the world. When Rag Doll came on everyone pushed Rach on top of the water cooler to sing it - a tradition born in the Euros - you had to record this, seeing her so happy made you happy. Everyone else was singing too but Rach was the star of the show. When the chorus came she jumped off the cooler and held her hand out for you to take “do I love ya my oh myyyyy, river deep mountain high” she sang towards you. “Yeah yeah yeah!” everyone sang back at her, “if I lost ya would I cryyyy, oh how I love ya baby” “baby baby baby!”. You wondered if she was just really getting into the song or if she purposely sang those words to you but kept recording regardless, trying not to overthink and just enjoy the moment of everyone being so happy. You noticed Leah left the room when she was singing to you but you didn’t let it dampen your spirits! In the end, Sarina sent everyone home for a well earned rest.

As always, Rachel opened the car door for you to climb in, before driving away you made out a little and your hand slipped into her shorts before she pushed you away laughing. “Not here! Anyone could see us!” her voice had turned high pitch. “Well hurry up and get home then, you’re hard to resist looking like that!” As you both pulled your seatbelts on, she put her foot down to get you home. Fast.

Once on the driveway, Rachel was quick to open the car door for you and without letting her move another step, you pulled her head towards yours unable to resist her any longer. Picking you up and wrapping your legs around her, still kissing as she carried you up the garden path. She struggled to unlock the door so put you down but the minute you were inside you pushed her back against the door, slamming it shut and shoving your hand back where it belongs - between her legs. It was messy but passionate as she picked you up and carried you up to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, you straddled over her lap while her hands were fumbling your body. You pulled her scrunchie out to wrap her hair around your fist and she did the same pulling slightly. She turned to chuck you off her and onto the bed so she was on top, sliding down your body to take your shorts off, as you went to take your top off she grabbed your wrists and shook her head smirking at you then suddenly flipped you over to eat you out. Slowly pushing your butt plug in she slipped the strap on over her shorts and plunged it between your legs making you scream with pleasure. She slapped your ass then grabbed the bottom of your shirt and wrapped it round her fist, the other hand doing the same to your hair as she rode you from behind. You were so turned on by her taking control and doing what she wanted. Rachel was so turned on fucking you from behind with you in her shirt. She pulled out then slapped and bit your arse so hard you screamed in pain, but a good type of pain, sexy pain. She turned you over so she could look at your face then shoved her hand over your mouth as she sneered “shut the fuck up” in your face. You have never been more turned on. As she started thrusting harder, your legs became weak and your eyes rolled back into your head. Rachel was loving the power, she held your wrists tightly to the mattress and as she came closer you tried to kiss her “don’t you dare fucking cum yet” she muttered into your mouth not letting you kiss her “I’m not done with you”. “I haven’t even started with you!” you said filthily as you mustered up all of your energy to push her off you so you could climb on top of her and clutch her throat with your hand “you don’t get to treat me like all of the others” you said through gritted teeth as you rubbed her pussy under her shorts. Feeling how wet and turned on she was from having her way with you, you pulled out and made her suck her own juices off of your fingers, biting your lip loving the sight. You pulled her shorts and strap on off and plunged your face between her legs messily eating her out. Her hands were pulling at your hair so hard you thought she was going to rip it out, you shoved three fingers inside her and watched her eyes roll back into her head and felt her cum dripping down your fingers. You pulled them out and made her watch you suck them before using them to play with yourself. “Got your breath back yet bitch?” when she nodded weakly you planted yourself on her face. Facing downwards so she could stare up at your bejewelled arse and her name on your back. Her cold hands rose up your shirt, undone your bra then fondled your tits, pulling hard on your nipples. You reached down to play with her sensitive clit while riding her face. She wrapped her arms around your waist to pull you deeper into her mouth until you came onto her tongue making sure she came for a second time as well before rolling off of her. Your heads the opposite ends of the bed stroking each other’s legs making you both quiver absorbing what just happened.

“Come here sexy” Rachel muttered with a happy undertone. You crawled up and laid next to her, staring into each other’s eyes and stroking each other’s naked bodies. “That was amazing” you whispered as you kissed her softly. “You liked it?” she asked shyly. “Couldn’t you tell?!” you asked shocked, “I was just testing the boundaries” she smiled. “There are no boundaries with you baby” reaching up to kiss her soft lips. “Tell me your fantasy (y/n/n)” she asked quietly “which one?” You chuckled with a smile, leaning your head on the palm of your hand. “All of them” Rach encouraged as she stroked your hair. “Well…” sitting up cross legged “the first is being in a tight little skirt with suspenders, cuffed” you rambled on with every detail like you’d been waiting for someone to ask you that question forever. Studying her facial expression displaying a raised eyebrow and a one sided smirk, clearly enjoying what you were describing. “The other is a Lioness picking me out from a crowd, fucking me senseless.. and falling in love with me” you paused before saying the last part looking up at her shyly while stroking hair out of her face to see her reaction. “I can certainly make the first one come true, that sounds.. hot!” she smiled thinking about it. “As for the second…” she paused, waiting for her reply your heart felt like it had stopped. “That’s already in progress” you let out a sigh of relief as she cupped your cheek with her hand to pull you in for a kiss. The biggest smile spread across your face, unable to control your happiness as you kissed her back. “I was so worried for your reaction then!” you breathed heavily. “Why? It should be obvious how much I like you” moving her other hand to squish your face. “It is, but yknow “love” is a big word” you shrugged suddenly bashful, “so is besotted but that didn’t stop you from using it three hours after we met” she laughed prodding your ribs. “In fact, I’d say besotted is bigger than love” she continued to tease you, rolling your eyes as you went to slide away but she grabbed your waist and pulled you back into her. Holding your face again to make sure you were looking at her before saying “I don’t date people for fun (y/n/n), I date for the end game”. Your stomach flipped over at her admission which made you uncontrollably grin. “What’s your fantasies then?” you asked laying your head on her arm that was around you. “Apart from finding the perfect woman to spend the rest of my life with?” she said with unwavering eye contact making you melt, “I’d love a threesome” she chuckled “with two women or..?” you enquired. “Two women babe, I’m fully gay not like you” she nudged teasingly. “Hey! I don’t want a naked man near me ever again!” pushing her back. “I’d quite like a threesome too yknow, have you had one before?” “No that’s why it’s a fantasy silly! Have you?” “No, I was offered one once though - wish I took the chance now!” you giggled. “Oh my god, who with?!” her voice high pitched as she asked. “You won’t believe this… my ex girlfriend’s brother and my school best friend’s sister who I had such a huge crush on growing up!” laughing at the words coming out of your own mouth. “Your ex’s brother?!” she was astonished which made you laugh. “We’re still friends!”you exclaimed “the brother, not the ex she’s a dick” “ex’s usually are!” she sounded. “Hopefully no more exes for us aih” climbing on top of her and pinning her to the mattress. Rachel winked at you, “I don’t plan on it baby.”

Part Nine - Brighter Days

[nayvwriter]

⭐️ Have fun!

Mm, let's go with some stuff about when I thought of Hope's Renegades things. Implied major nexomon extinction spoilers and also fic spoilers below.

(sorry I rambled about a fic you have no investment in, I only realised after I wrote this entire thing)

Amelie being a Renegade? The same day I made the document for the fic, so the same day the fic progressed from a vague vibes-based "nexomon four protagonists au" to an actual idea. Hope didn't even have a name at the time, that's how early this was!

I'd come up with the premise of Renegades being like this, the idea that Ross Coco and Nora were going to be the Renegades of the protagonist, and the fact the protagonist was going to be very mute.

I briefly considered Storm for Hope's name, but by the time I started writing the second chapter I'd decided on Hope, partially because it made the title sound really cool (I hadn't had a title at the time, but I'd been considering some things). Also, I don't know why Hope-verse keeps having spoilery titles... Some people got it immediately, others did not.

A little over a week after properly starting the fic, I had four and a half chapters written and one posted. This would set the speed for the remainder of Hope's Renegades. How I planned, wrote, edited, and posted 138k in less than 5 months... I just hyperfocused the fic. Really hyperfocused the fic, like I'd never done before.

What Amelie does in the finale I thought of very shortly after that, before I'd finished writing chapter 5, in the middle of the night. Yes, I had in fact been planning this practically from the beginning. Yes, it was really difficult not to tell people, but thankfully for most of that time the only nexomon person I was talking to already knew because I tell her everything.

I was trying to foreshadow it as much as I reasonably could, short of psychic intervention, but when it's something as out-of-nowhere as that... there's only so much you can do. I've been focusing on Amelie a lot throughout the fic, but to expect her to not only redeem herself but to do that - I tried to establish it as a possibility (repeating the fact that Vados was vulnerable to his own powers multiple times, for example), but it wouldn't have seemed likely.

And I believe a little after thinking of Amelie's choice, I came up with the idea for the Sunset Arc, which I then made sure to build and plan towards.

Conversely, some of the things that seem like they should have been planned for ages actually really weren't.

Strawberry Cake, which happened pre-canon, was first thought of when I was writing the third arc (at which point I started referencing it whenever possible).

The turning point in Bolzen's revival was thought of on the spot as I was writing it.

So was Nora's realisation about Hope being more vulnerable to Tyrant sensors without their Renegades! I did purposefully say they weren't easily sensable when separated from their Renegades because of the Renegades thing, but I only figured out the implications for the Sunset Arc when Nora did. Which is probably why it flowed so well.

So were... a lot of things, actually. A fair few scenes that weren't in the chapters when I initially wrote them. A couple of chapters that kinda weren't, for example making the Mysteries Arc two chapters longer. A lot of directions conversations went, like Ada finding out about Ulrich. Characters just do things.

So Yeah. thank you for the ask!

[cricketnationrise]

Hi! I’m so excited to leave a prompt! 7:12am, Dex, and the Haus kitchen!

hey if this is your prompt come say hi properly!

want your own ficlet? rules here [ONE WEEK LEFT]

🏒🏒🏒🏒

haus kitchen, 7:12am

Dex wakes up to the scent of warm cinnamon wafting down the stairs. There’s something so nice about waking up on his own, no alarms, no practice, no shifts at the student center – just a rare Saturday with no obligations. In fact, Dex is almost asleep again, so comfortable in his blanket cocoon, when he gasps – Bitty is visiting Jack this weekend. He rolls over to check the clock and frowns. It’s just a little after seven on a Saturday, usually the Haus is totally still, only faint snores of hockey players to disturb the peace. But today, there’s spices in the air and if he strains himself, Dex can hear the coffee maker bubbling away. 

Quickly getting socks on his perpetually cold feet and throwing on his warmest sweats, Dex climbs the stairs to the main floor and makes his way silently to the kitchen. The sight of Nursey carefully drizzling some sort of brown sauce into a bundt pan stops him in the doorway. His tongue is poking out the side of his mouth in concentration. It’s cute.

Nursey finishes his drizzling and slides the pan into the oven, setting an alarm on his phone. As Nursey bustles around gathering up his dishes, Dex spots a second bundt pan sitting on a cooling rack. It’s clearly the source of the smell and Dex can’t help but drift into the kitchen properly, drawn inexorably toward the aroma.

A quiet “holy shit,” slips out when he gets near enough to see the beautifully baked Monkey Bread inside. The biscuit pieces are a perfect deep golden color underneath the caramelized butter and brown sugar topping. The mixture is actually still bubbling around the edges – clearly fresh from the oven. Dex’s mouth waters; he hasn’t had Monkey Bread since the last Christmas his grandma was alive – no one in his family has had the heart to make it since. He’s so lost in his sense memory that he doesn’t register the water turning off. 

“Fucking hell, Dexy, make a noise why don’t you?” Dex turns to see Nursey clutching the counter with a death grip, his other hand braced over his heart, the very picture of cliche startlement.

“Sorry – I just – Monkey Bread?”

“Yeah,” Nursey says, still breathing harder than normal, “I woke up randomly early, couldn’t go back to sleep �� had a craving. My Auntie used to make it once a month like clockwork. Figured I’d give it a go. Share with the team if it went okay enough.”

“I’d say it went more than okay. It smells amazing. Just like my grandma’s.”

“High praise indeed. Poindexter seal of approval,” Nursey teases.

“Doesn’t come lightly,” Dex jokes, “There’s usually a rigorous application process.”

Nursey’s eyes crinkle up as he laughs, no less devastatingly beautiful for how quiet it is in deference to their still-sleeping Haus-mates. Dex feels his breath catch in his throat.

A soft chiming breaks the moment and Dex reminds himself to actually exhale while Nursey checks his phone.

“The first one’s done cooling,” he says, moving to the counter. He pauses, then looks at Dex for a long moment, searching. Dex holds still, uncertain, but Nursey must find whatever he was looking for in Dex’s expression because he beckons Dex closer with a jerk of his head. “Help me flip this? I don’t want to drop it now and ruin it.”

“It looks so good I’d even eat it if it fell on this floor, but sure.”

“Wouldn’t want you to catch something – you know we’re only four days post-Kegster, the floor is still half biohazard.” Nursey pulls out the platter that Bitty normally piles high with cookies and lays it over top of the bundt pan, then hands over a set of oven mitts. “You hold that side, and I’ll take this side and we’ll flip on three, okay?”

Dex nods, Nursey counts, and they flip the pan in perfect sync with each other – clearly d-men magic is good for other things besides hockey. Nursey carefully pries the bundt pan up, revealing a perfectly formed ring of biscuity-cinnamony-buttery-gooey goodness. Delicious, yes – good for their diet plans, no. Dex will be eating at least a third of it regardless.

“Here,” Nursey says, handing over a fork. “Dig in.”

There’s no talking for a while after that, just the soft groans of delight at the taste, the contented hum of well-fed hockey players.

[wildegeist-old]

OH BOY MUSIC PROCESS RAMBLES

Sorry for the long post, music making is one of those topics I ramble about a lot.

We can post multiple audio files now. Thought it might be fun to ramble about some of my process and show some clips of how different (and cursed) my music can sound when it's early in production, cause I do save samples along the way sometimes as sound tests. They then become relics and examples of why the first choices aren't always the best, but also that some ideas were worth keeping. My early production clips can actually sound really rough, fair warning, but I like looking back on them because they're still the beginnings of what eventually became a finished piece that sounds way better.

Shitty audio balancing/EQ ahead by the way, I generally don't balance my audio until I start getting to a stage where I have to start polishing my sound. That's kinda the standard for most composers though, I think. I don't know. I'm not formally trained and have no idea what I'm doing half the time.

Here's two super early versions of Ad Sidera Caeli (the Sableheart theme). You can tell this is the phase where I had the ideas, but I wasn't sure how to arrange them yet, and I wasn't entirely certain in the musical direction. I eventually fully decided I wanted the Sableheart music style to take a more symphonic rock direction, and dialed back some of the electronic sounds- though they are still present and part of the style, they're more subtle now. Other Sableheart tracks could be more electronic, but a lot of it didn't feel right for the main theme.

Here's two clips of an early version of Ex Tenebris (Arctos's theme) with some sounds I ended up not keeping. It was too dramatic for points that early in the song and I wanted to save those swelling sounds for peak moments in the track. It also has some melody differences near the end that I ended up changing. This was also before, again, I decided to dial back some of the electronic sounds and let them be in the background. Some of the pacing and transitions were off too. This track is also sort of a redo of his original theme, and you can hear that I was still coming out of some of the old sounds. Also, the early version of the track had too much energy for too long, so I ended up adding more "breaks" in the final track for the music to breathe. The early versions of this track were overwhelming for how few calm moments they had and it felt necessary.

(I still love the little descending note part near the beginning of the second clip that I ended up keeping in the final track. It's so simple but I feel like it tied that section up in a neat little bow. The final part of the finished track is one of my favorite sections I've composed in general.)

Here's a random bonus sound test where I just fucked around. I was mostly doing it to figure out some sounds and warm up. Maybe I'll pick pieces off of this one's corpse for future tracks though.

(Tumblr won't let me upload more, but that's okay. Five audio tracks in a post is a lot, and I guess that's the limit!)

[sylviegunpla]

Gunpla: Completed Collection of Minis Part 1: EFSF Alliance

Here's all the minis i've painted over the past few months!! They are as complete as they're gonna get and also top-coated and everything now. Let's run down the list under the cut! I've also rephotographed them on a matt that has scale, and using a ringlight. Each square on the matte is half-centimeter square, to appreciate the tiny scale of these guys. You'll notice that i have some duplicate figures above. Various people have gifted me some figs, so you can also see the evolution of my mini painting techniques in some of them. Because of tumblr post image limits, i'm splitting this up into multiple galleries. I will start with a gallery of minis associated with the "EFSF" (Earth Federation Space Force) group from the Gundam series.

PG Unleashed RX-78-2: Amuro Ray and Sayla Mass

I've already posted these guys but let's ass some scale, for fun.

I don't have much new to say about these guys, except that they were the first figures i painted in my "second run" of figure painting. I'll go into more detail about this later. I painted them and the others according to the color guide provided in the manual, as best i could. I think Sayla's collar badges could be done better and tbh, i can still fix that. I'll give an update if i do. Anyway, this kit came with TWO pilot figurines that sit inside the core fighter / cockpit. I present to you images of them in their homes:

This also serves as a preview for some parts of the PGU! I don't believe i made a post yet about the final build. I still need to do that, as well as edit the VODs of the build (the painting was also done on camera! ... mostly. I did some touchups off camera). This is the core fighter, and if you want you can put it inside the mobile suit, but there's no reason to. So i prefer to have it displayed outside, because there's a separate "core block" that you can also put inside the gundam, and it also has its own pilot!

Let's move on. I have many more Amuros for you. But first, a diversion! (EDIT: Turns out tumblr posts can only have 30 images at once. I was originally going to put Tobia Arronax here, but then i wouldn't be able to include the full set of EFSF characters here. So go check out the first entry of the part 2 post here: https://www.tumblr.com/sylviegunpla/753409506351939584/gunpla-completed-collection-of-minis-part-2 and then come back to this post)

MG 2.0 RX-78-2: Amuro Ray

This is the civilian outfit Amuro from the MG 2.0 kit. This was one of the "first runs" of minis i painted, i think in Fall 2023. I was convinced i could panel line it and make it look good. Honestly it looks fine at a distance but with the details blown up... well you can see it's a mess. Still, not bad for an early work. The rightmost image is when it was WIP, before being panel lined. TBH that might have looked better if i kept it that way, but you live and learn! This kit also had a pilot outfit figure:

This was also one of my early paints. Here you can see the panel line colors just running wild. I think the civilian outfit has less bleed at least. The helmet is also messy as hell. And as for the pilot that sits in the core fighter... well the actual model kit is currently disassembled for painting, but i can show you the pilot figurine.

Once i finish the MG 2.0 RX-78-2, i'll include an additional picture here. {NOTE TO SELF: INCLUDE PILOT IN COCKPIT PHOTO LATER}

I still have yet more Amuros though! At a local build jam, i've been gifted some minis that people don't want to paint. I got two extra figures of Amuro Ray, that match the sculpt above. I'm not sure if they're from the MG 2.0 or the MG 3.0 RX-78-2, but i referenced the color guide specifically from MG 3.0 for these. I also painted them this year, so you can begin to see the difference. Why not get the extra practice in, ya know? The biggest differences between my old minis and the more recently painted ones are two fold: 1) I started properly thinning my paints (which i did for the PGU figures, they were the first of the "new" line). 2) Eventually, i began using a pair of binocular magnifying goggles i could wear on my head, giving me a better ability to see mini details. I think the difference speaks for themselves:

For the one on top, i did a basic paint with flat coat, no panel lining or anything. Since i had two, why not experiment a bit. THe second one, i coated it in Mr Super Clear Gloss and then used some Citadel Paints Nuln Oil (gifted from a friend who's into warhammer) to achieve the "panel lining" / "shading". I think it turned out okay ultimately. I think the nuln oil works as a better panel liner over the super clear than some other pigments i've used, but it depends on the technique and precision involved. Oh yeah, and all these based were also custom made. Here's all 3 standing together!

Lookit those boys!!

MG Hi-ν (Hi-Nu) Ver. Ka: Amuro Ray

I think he's supposed to be older than in the previous kits here? You can see i opted NOT to panel line this boy... well except the line down his back which imo kinda turned out not that great looking. I probably could have used some nuln oil to highlight some of his facial details and give the impression of having eyes. ANd then here is the pilot figurine:

I'll get pictures of this kit entirely in a separate post, too. Right now the kit is disassembled and i need to re-assemble it. It's not a "WIP" kit, the kit itself is all done, got water slide decals, even has the "Heavy Weapons System" setup. Here, i DID use nuln oil, to try to highlight some of the suit details. I'm not sure if the lighting is blown out here, but it's also accurate to say that the suit details didn't come out as nicely highlighted as i'd wanted them to. Still, he's gonna live inside a clear green plastic sphere once he goes inside, so it won't be easy to see anyway.

BONUS: Watch this boy get Cask of Amontillado'd (and additional pics) I have to admit, sometimes when painting i'm having trouble finding the actual details through a layer of paint. I suspect the Mr. Hobby Aqueous Line may not be as useful for hand painting tiny boys like this, but it's also the set of paints i decided to slowly acquire over multiple years, so it's what i'm using. The Citadel acrylic paints seem to not glob up as much.

MG RB-79 "Ball" Ver. Ka: EFSF Workers

These boys were also among some of my earlier paints in 2023. You can see i globbed up some paint on one of the faces and kinda ruined it. I think the panel lining is mostly okay, but yeah. This kit also didn't have a color guide, so i basically eyeballed the colors. This kit is also one of the ones i have fully disassembled in the process of painting, so the whole build will eventually be its own post too. This thing also has a pilot figurine that lives inside the ball. I took some pictures highlighting the pilot, but i haven't applied decals to the inner ball yet.

However, i did get some duplicates of the standing workers from someone at one of the first build jams i went to! Which i used as an opportunity to just... get more practice, and try to paint these guys again.

Here, i used slightly different shades of yellow and orange. I think the details stand out a lot more. I also used nuln oil here for the shading. I think overall these look a lot better than my first attempt, and i'm rather proud of them. I'll have four workers able to hang out with the Ball once it's completed! This concludes Part 1 of my minis gallery. Continue to Part 2 by Clicking This Link!

[theredcapeofk]

20 Questions

Thank you @silv3reyedstranger  for tagging me! Sorry for the delay, I needed to finish my Halloween fic first

How many works do you have on AO3?

22 with 4 still ongoing. This also includes 9 artworks (aside from the 6 in my illustrated fic)

2. What’s you total AO3 count?

177,544 words. Wow! I didn’t expect this much. Cool 🙂

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Supercorp

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

My Eyes are up Here

Change my Direction

Gifts (My first posted Supergirl fic <3 )

It’s a Super Life

The Five Senses of Affection (I plan to update this one soon ;) )

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes. Always. Sometimes it’s hard to not spoil the rest of the fic when I answer questions, but I love it when you guys ask questions. I respond to comments because I like to exchange thoughts with people who comment, or simply thank people who took the time to write something.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

@silv3reyedstranger I don’t like to copy but your answer is exactly what I think, so I’m mostly gonna keep what you said.

I'm really not the biggest fan of angsty endings (because it makes me sad), so I don't write them. I'd much prefer piling on the angst throughout and giving them a happy ending. There's too much sadness and grief in the world already, I feel like everyone should get a happy ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I don’t know, they all end well, but since I need to choose one I'd say Don’t Leave Me because of what happens in the fic

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I did, on Change my Direction a few chapters ago (which is basically a year and a half ago.). People(who had never commented before on this fic) had a lot to say about how I handled a specific chapter.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes I do (I think most of my stuff is rated E on Ao3 lol). I’d say mostly fluff. And…what would you call Kara and Lena have been longing for each other for years and finally decide to…? 

I wrote more kinky stuff I haven’t posted yet. There’s angry sex in a fic I’m working on

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I did. Harry Potter and Charmed, City Hunter and Cat’s eyes (1980s and early 1990s mangas by the same author). I used to draw crossovers a lot which was a lot easier than trying to figure out how some characters could meet. I don’t think any of my written crossovers were too far-fetched, but my art on the other hand…I had the Golden trio from Harry Potter meet Naruto characters, and Outfit exchanges(with Naruto and other mangas) a few times in my art.

“Recently” I had Kate Kane and her step-sister visit Kara and Lena in Suddenly I’m in too deep. And I will write crossovers again with other characters from the Arrowverse

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

No one’s ever asked, so not that I know of. I’ve tried translating my own fics once upon a time, but what a hassle lol. Although that was back when I was writing in French so translating to English was harder (and my English was not what it is today), maybe it would be easier to translate my current fics in French, but I don’t really see the point lol

13. have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Yes 2 with @lenaralanvers. One is Let’s let go of our Broken Hearts (she did the actual writing but we took decisions together) and the second we haven’t posted yet.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

My OTP? I don’t know. I’ve loved all my ships with passion, still do. I think RonMione, Linzin, Korrasami and of course Supercorp will always hold a very special place in my heart.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I hope I’ll be able to finish all of my Supercorp ones in any shape or form. Sometimes I just write down a short idea and it turns into a multi chapter fic. Or sometimes I write something I think could be huge, but it turns out to be a few paragraphs and it’s just as finished as the fics I post online. 

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’m not good at knowing what I’m good at lol. I think I’m good with fluff scenes and how people react with their senses (sight, touch etc)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions. Which is all the more frustrating because I usually get a very precise picture in my head but I can rarely show it with words.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don’t write entire dialogues in another language, just a few foreign sentences or words here and there. I like to keep it organic for the reader and this method is easier when it comes to including translation

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter. I was desperately waiting for Book 5, and after theorizing for a while about serious plot points, one day I sat down to write goofy interviews given by the Golden trio to the Daily Prophet. The funny thing is, fanfiction came naturally to me, and I’m not sure I even knew the name of what I was writing then.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Oh that’s a tough one, because favorites tend to change. I can list a few that I love in chronological order (each one of these marked a milestone of some kind in my writing journey): 

Il était une fois à Shinjuku (the City Hunter and Cat’s eye crossover), 

A post Book 1 Korrasami and Borra fic (that I never posted anywhere so I never bothered to properly name it XD), 

My eyes are up Here 

The Five Senses of Affection 

and Don’t Leave me

tagging a couple of people if ya’ll wanna take part! @spaceman-earthgirl @lenaralanvers @chaotic-super @inkedroplets @guessimreallyhere

[kedreeva]

Number 17 for the ask meme! ( ᐛ )

17) Do you have any wips that you can tell us about? What are you most excited for in you wip?

So, anyone that knows me knows that I have a policy of not having more than 3 WIPs going at any time, and I recently learned I have to have more than 1 going. This is very important to me because if I have more than 3 or only 1, my brain starts stressing out and instead of being hugely prolific like I'm capable of, I write nothing instead. Askbox prompts don't "count" to my brain and, actually, finishing one seems to trigger the "we finished a WIP" response in my brain during time of crisis (4 WIPs). That's not what you asked but I wanted to say it to explain why I have the number I have.

So currently I have 3! With the great desire to have more I'm refusing to admit exist.

The first is the obvious one! It's an original version of The Final Pack, and I'm in the middle of the last chapter of part 1. My gosh is to finish it by new year's. Part 1 is the early stages of the story, the way Osker ends up out in the apocalypse with a pack of werewolves instead of nestled safely in a human camp with other humans. The premise, if you're unfamiliar, is that the apocalypse came and went 6 years ago and in the aftermath, humans and supernatural creatures have been at war. It has not gone well in most places. The story kicks off with my main character finding out actually supernatural creatures are people not monsters and maybe humans have been wrong all along. This is the one I'm most excited about, because it'll be the first original novel I've actually finished in.... Well, years and years. And I intend to eventually publish it!

The second WIPi have is a story I'm cowriting with @fiore-della-valle. My half of the story is from Eddie's POV, where he wakes up trapped in the In Between with Max's consciousness. They are currently trying to figure out how to communicate with the outside world and how to get out together to wake up back in their bodies. There's like one person reading this one, and I love them for that and promise to finish it for them.

My third and final WIP is my sentinel AU!!! I JUST figured out what I want to overall do with it. Basically Steve gets activated as a sentinel (a human who can sense things way better than normal) and Eddie gets voluntold to be his guide, and then the spicy six move into a house together and shenanigans ensue until the plot finds them. I love shenanigans and The Plot.

Since I'm nearly finished with part 1 of final pack, I CAN say that I'm planning to do a sequel (two actually) of my King Eddie story, one covering Steve's side of things between Eddie's death and them finding out Eddie isn't dead, and then one from his time post return, being Max's new older brother and falling for Steve. Yay!

[duhragonball]

Nanwum Schemin'

I finished my August writing challenge tonight, and I'm pleased to say that I managed to hit 20,000 words and that's actually enough to cover this year's Christmas special. I tried this last year, but I only wrote 15k in September, and Red Christmas ended up being 32k long, so I wound up writing more than half of it in December anyway. This time, I took that into account, which is why I used August instead. I figured if Blue Christmas ran long, I'd be able to use September to finish it off, but it looks like I managed to fit the entire plot in 20k, so that's satisfying. I need a little more to finish the ending, and there's some stuff I'll want to add and take out, but overall, I have a working first draft that I can have ready for AO3 without much trouble.

I still have to figure out what the hell Yellow Christmas will be about. I saved that one for last, since yellow is the Luffa color, but I think I've used up all the good fanfic AU tropes by now, so I'm gonna have to get creative. But that's a problem for 2024, and I'm here to talk about the fall of 2023.

Concerning the Apocrypha Liveblog, I plan on wrapping up some loose ends in September. Super Dragon Ball Heroes episode 50 came out last week, so I can write about how the Aeos arc (we won!). I also want to knock out the DBS movies, and I think the DBS Manga will probably be done with their Super Hero adaptation, so I'm penciling that in as well. Whatever's left over I can deal with in October or later.

November is NanoWriMo season, and this will be my 7th entry in the event. I don't count my ill-fated attempt in 2003, since I never logged it with the website, and I had no idea what I was doing and flamed out by the second or third day. But I've been doing these since 2017 and I've been racking up wins ever since. I'm feeling confident at the moment, so I'm going to try to set some goals for myself, which I'll put under the cut.

Looking back at my past runs, I've had some good years and some difficult ones where I didn't reach the 50k goal until Day 29 or 30. I always find it more satisfying to finish early if I can. My preference is to have things wrapped up by Day 20, so I can write more stuff in the overrun, or start editing and posting, or just slack off for the next ten days. It's always enjoyable, so I think I need to make this a priority.

For a number of years, my objective was to boost word count and reach certain milestones in the Luffa storyline, but I passed one million words last year, and this year I've nearly finished the Xenoverse 1 adaptation, so things are a little different. I think I can afford to think about how to improve productivity, rather than how to hit certain plot points. So we'll aim for that.

Currently, my earliest win date is Day 17, which I pulled off back in 2021. So I'm going to try to hit 50k on or before Day 16. Here's how.

This month, I learned I can get more done by breaking up my large word goals in to 500 word chunks. To finish by Day 16, I'll need to average about 3000 words a day, which is something I've always struggled to do consistently, but now, I think I can make that work. The idea is to devote six hours across a day, where I write 500 words in each of those hours. It really seemed to help me out this month, so it's time to see if that technique can push me further.

One other thing I want to try is to break my personal record for one-day writing totals. Currently, that stands at 7023 words. So I've chosen three days where I can attempt to do that. I'd like to do more than jut hit 7024, though. 9001 would be pretty sweet for the meme value, but it sounds really daunting.

The important thing here is that I give myself permission to fail. If I can't maintain 3k per day, that's fine, because even falling short of that goal still makes good progress. If I can't make it to 7k or beyond, that's fine too, because wherever I land, it's still a lot of progress. And if I'm not done by Day 16 it's fine, because I'll have two weeks left.

But I think I can do this. The rewards would be sweet. AEW Full Gear is on the 18th, and it'd be pretty great to just have a lazy Saturday where I watch that instead of writing. NJPW will probably run their World Tag League shows between November 15 and December 15, so I'd have the whole second half of November freed up. And mostly, I like the precedent it would set if I could consistently land 3k in six hours or less. I feel like that's something I need to prove to myself.

If this is going to work, I need to do some solid plotting in October so I'm ready. I do reasonably well with "they fight" as a prompt, but if I have a list of spots and story beats to work with, that would cut down on the indecision that usually holds me back.

[okadaizoirl]

ummmm so it wasn't a one-off after all?????? oops whatever writing this helps me feel better so fuck it

SO THIS WAS IN MY DRAFTS FOR AGES??? SITTING?????? FINISHED????????? so here's that second "chapter" of my BCS self-insert fic

8:15am.

Jimmy pulled in to his office just to see that Mike was already there-- A sealed folder in his hand. Figures that he'd throw such a fit over how early he was asked for, just to show up even earlier. As he unlocked the door and made his way back to his office, he set his hands down on the arms of his chair before finally sitting.

"What've you got for me?"

Mike let the folder fall onto the desk from under his crossword as he stood just a foot or two away. Despite his complaints, he sounded just as alert as usual as he took a sip of his coffee from its paper cup.

"Well, first off, kid's real last name is Morrison," he began as Jimmy opened the folder he was given. Photographs spilled out first, with printed paper falling just behind. "Owns some property willed to him by his grandfather, lives there, barely seems to pay the utilities. Has a cat. And a blog."

Jimmy first looked at the photos-- The first few seemed to be a perimeter view of his applicant's home. Dandelions littered the yard, the grass tall and unkempt, yet the home's exterior and windows seemed fairly clean. The house number was visible from the street, and Alex's beat-up ride was there in the driveway.

What a bittersweet sight, that car. It tugged at Jimmy's mind in a way that kept him thinking of how this morning would go throughout his sleepless night.

He didn't realize he was speaking until the words had already left his mouth-- "And what about a connection to music?"

Mike looked up from his crossword, head slowly turning to give that blank stare Jimmy was all too fucking familiar with. That attitude never failed to start even the smallest fire of annoyance in him, even now as he found himself chasing the most irrelevant thing about this new guy. His eyes widened, brows raised, before pointing to the printed papers.

"Huh? Is it in these? Anything on that?"

It took another agonizing moment of silence, but with a sigh, Mike spoke again.

"He was in band in school. Marching band, orchestra, seemed like he wanted to shoot for Carnegie Hall but ended up playin' an electric bass with a group of kids in a shitty bar. That is, until he got a call from grandpa asking for help-- That answer your burning question?"

It did, and fuck, did he regret asking. His prior teasing did, in fact, strike a nerve as he'd suspected, but not nearly the nerve he meant to touch. For a second, he tried to speak, but only a soft noise left his throat-- But he at least got it on the second time.

"Uh-- What else did you find, then? These papers, what are they?" As he posed the question, he finally gave the documents a look over, taking in the printed website's formatting.

"Blog posts," Mike answered. "I didn't print all of 'em, but I got the ones that stood out to me."

Jimmy gave each page a quick skim-- Some seemed almost like diary entries, others written by his to-be assistant stirred up in passionate frenzies about civil rights movements. The only thing close to criminal activity in the least was admission of possession and use of marijuana. He finally looked up to Mike from those documents, a silent question posed then and there: Can he be trusted?

Thankfully, Mike answered with a nod. "He's young and dumb, but loyal. He's fine to come aboard."

Jimmy let out a sigh of relief, but he didn't know why. Mike, however, caught that sound, responding to it with a raised brow.

"But he's also barely even grown. 25, says so on his blog, on his driver's license." From relief to suddenly being put on the defensive, Jimmy at first just scoffed.

"So? He's been an adult for long enough that he knows he needs a good job, he gets one." That was met with a brief shake of Mike's head.

"What I'm saying is, he doesn't need even half of the bullshit you bring to the table in his life." Instantly, he was met with protest from Jimmy.

"What?! I do not bring bullshit to the table, Mike!"

But even so, as if nothing had been said at all, Mike continued. "He can have a good-paying job. He can keep a secret. But whenever you have anybody around that you can rope into something, you pull them in before they even know it."

While Jimmy sat back in silence, Mike seemed to think it pertinent to lean in as he finally capped off his point:

"This guy's life is just starting. Don't screw it up."

Jimmy could feel his blood boiling under his skin, but Mike just turned to leave. And he let him. Oh, he'd likely think of comebacks he could have said for days, but the first only came to him after Mike was opening the front door to head back to his car-- Said just under his breath.

"Yeah, like he wasn't going to already."

With an irritated sigh, he looked over what had been printed again. Nothing stood out to him in particular, but the greyscale printed copies of an obviously full-color webpage made some things a bit difficult; for instance, a rectangle that looked enough like a flag stamped the bottom left corner of the website, but he couldn't see any hints of what colors might make up that flag-- It didn't look like the flag of Mexico, at least, but no country he could think of immediately.

Meanwhile, back in that property in the photographs on Saul's desk, Alex was just doing his best to wake up. Wake up, get ready, make a good impression on the first day. He looked himself over in the mirror, taking in the sight of himself in the suit he picked...

... It was maybe a little tight on his hips. It'd just have to do. With a quick tug, he just tightened his tie and headed for his car. Once in the driver's seat, he could finally take a moment to take a deep breath in, and out. He just needed to keep himself collected. Work would be work, and home would be home. That's all there would be to it.

Not two minutes after he pulled from his driveway and his cell phone starts ringing. Just typical. With a groan, he opens it, putting the receiver to his ear.

"You reached Alex Lobelia. How can I help you?"

"You miserable bastard."

Oh, Alex knew that voice. All he could do at first was sigh as he held the phone to his ear with his shoulder.

"Mandy--"

"You do not get to call me that."

"Amanda. Look, Amanda, I told you before and I'll tell you again, we're over. And for reasons you couldn't help even if you tried."

"What reasons?! Was I just not ever going to be good enough for you?!"

"I didn't say that."

His calm when dealing with the sudden interrogation was from nothing more than unfortunate familiarity. Even as his past lover screamed into the phone, his mind was more occupied by making sure he remembered the directions to his new workplace. It'd just take ten or fifteen minutes, pushing twenty if something backed up the highway. His mind raced with how exactly he could stride right through the door, looking ready and chipper to file papers all day, as that yelling continued right in his ear.

It wasn't helping him much.

"Amanda, I really don't have time for this right now. I'm on my way to my new job."

"Oh, a new job, huh? You're just getting on so well without me."

"You're hearing what you wanna hear. I have to go, seriously."

As Alex pulled into a side parking spot, he snapped his phone shut and exited his vehicle with one more deep breath. Last chance to pull himself together. He slid his phone into his pocket, also double-checking that he had his wallet, his pen...

All there. Last stop. Time to walk in.

As Alex opened the front door to enter the waiting area, he found himself taking longer strides. His shoulders square, his posture straightened; yes, this would be a fresh start. No longer would he have to repress himself to get respect, and it all started here.

The door to Saul Goodman's office swung open wide, the lights flickering on one by one until Alexei's figure was fully illuminated in the doorway.

"What's the time, boss?"

"Nine o'clock," came his answer. "You're early."

"Better than late," Alex laughed in reply as he stepped inside and shut the door behind him.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

For the first bunch of episodes in Taskmaster season 15, I was writing posts live as I watched them. I stopped that in the last few weeks for a number of reasons, just wanted to sit back and watch Taskmaster without doing anything else while watching it. I did that with the finale as well, but wrote some stuff down after I finished the episode:

- Fucking love the journey of Frankie’s prize tasks. First nine episodes: piece of art that he almost always already owned, that had fuck all to do with the category, he was clearly just going around his house grabbing shit and then working out a half-assed way to justify why it fit the remit. Gets wildly over-scored in almost every episode. Even though the theme of the art was sometimes a bit dark, just the fact that his “thing” was bringing in art all the time was part of the “subverting what we expect from big scary bulldozer Frankie Boyle”, which he did throughout this season. I mean, he kind of had to. A completely un-subverted version of Frankie Boyle’s persona would be completely incompatible with Taskmaster, it wouldn’t be possible.

Episode 10: A beanbag that kills you, just to remind you that despite the subversions, he’s still Frankie Boyle. Not only did he not already own it, he didn’t even bother asking the production team to stick one together, they just made a picture of it and said that’s good enough. Gets one point.

- They’ve done tasks in which they’ve had to do something to appeal specifically to Greg before, but usually they call him “The Taskmaster” (ie. “Buy a gift for The Taskmaster”). Slightly jarring that this time, you’re making merchandise just of “Greg Davies”. It was such a strong prize task overall.

- First thought on the water task: fill the glass in the sink up to very close to the line, so from a distance, you only need to get a little bit of water in to fill it all the way to the line.

- How sure are we, really, that they didn’t all go through with Frankie’s plan of being on acid for the studio recordings in the finale?

- Enjoyed their copycat task bringing back the creepy music from season 12’s copycat task. Music that fit the setting well in the creepy church from season 12, not so much in the Taskmaster lab with a banana and a chess clock on the table.

- I… I don’t know if this is just me or anything… it might be just me… but if anyone else happens to have a crush on Mae that is based on, among other things, how intense they are about everything in general, but particularly how that intensity applies to hyper-competitive focus… that copycat task is a pretty good thing to watch.

- Again, on the copycat task: so what happened is that Alex Horne learned how to make a balloon animal and wanted an excuse to show that skill off on Taskmaster, right?

- I think the right way to do that copycat task would be to do the early, easy parts as fast as possible, so your clock will be ahead of Alex by the time it gets to the challenging stuff, and you’ll have extra time to do multiplication and make balloon animals and things. Though the contestants would have no way of knowing that when the task started. I also think the best way to do that task would involve skipping some stuff and accepting having ten seconds added to your time, but again, I don’t think it would be reasonable to expect anyone to figure that out in the moment. Though Frankie did skip the math and then just smash up the box, which is a rare case of the coolest thing to do also probably being the most efficient choice for winning the task.

- Ivo blinding himself for no reason, and then not thinking to fix it, is such a perfect metaphor for his time on the whole show. Not even just that it was stupid, but stupid in this specific way where he didn’t have to do that, completely unforced error.

- I think it says something about my taste in music, and about what my preferred music genre is like, that both the songs in the final tasks reminded me so strongly of events I’ve attended in the past that I got a bit nostalgic. Neither of those performances would even be weird at a folk festival, they’d fit right in. A Scottish man sitting on a makeshift seat with a hand on his knee, singing a cappella about how great some blue collar workers are, but if you listen to the lyrics you realize it’s a dark song about how the job is killing them. And then three people sitting in a tent, one playing an acoustic guitar while they all sing in whimsical tones and use odd things like paintbrushes as instruments, they close their eyes and all harmonize with their slightly different interpretations of the tone of the song. There are bubbles floating and lights hanging from the ceiling and the woman of grandmother-ly age dressed in hippie clothes is waving some string around. That’s just a folk festival.

- Fucking great season, I thought this was. Okay, I might be slightly blinded by the fact that Mae Martin is 1) objectively awesome, 2) tailor-made to be fantastic on Taskmaster, and 3) tailor-made to appeal to me, and Frankie Boyle was literally the number one person on the dream Taskmaster contestants list that I put together a year ago. But I thought both of them lived up to their potential (honestly, if possible, I enjoyed Mae even more than I’d expected to), and the others stepped up so much. Jenny was the one I’d known the least well beforehand, and as Ed Gamble said in the podcast, she single-handedly brought like six different types of energy that all improved the show in their own way. And oscillated between them with wild abandon. And this has really cemented Ivo Graham as one of my favourite comedy television people now. I went from disliking him when I first got to know him via Mock the Week, to him growing on me a bit at a time until I liked him fine by the time I saw the Taskmaster season 15 lineup, but he did so many things during this season that made me decide actually, I fucking love this guy. And Kiell was mostly great. To be very honest, Kiell was the only person on this season who did annoy me a bit, at times. But only sporadically, I enjoyed the signature type of energy he brought more often than I didn’t. Overall, one for the ages. Absolutely fantastic. Every fucking thing I want out of Taskmaster.

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

holy fuck it’s been a minute since i posted!

almost 1600 days as a matter of fact aka almost 4 and a half years. my last post was early december of 2019, so like 3 months before life as we knew it ended.

tldr at the end!

this blog was largely based around the adhd experience in school, so some school updates!

i was a senior in 2020 so i “graduated” that may and my entire first year and a half of college was 100% online so that was certainly…interesting. second semester of sophomore year they reintroduced a couple of in person classes, mainly ones where zoom was impractical to use, such as my ASL classes. so i was one of the first students back on campus and that was cool but also horrible and extremely stressful and difficult to navigate. i was already struggling with my grades but that just made it worse. i started failing classes left and right, and basically failed my entire junior year first semester. second semester junior year i had just completely given up but was still taking classes to please other people, i enjoyed the actual learning between my two degrees but i just couldn’t keep up with school and everything else in my life. and then this last fall i had signed up for classes two weeks into the semester bc i was originally planning to take the semester off so i was extremely behind….and then two weeks after that i found out i had to move to a different state and ended up having to drop my classes anyways.

that break really forced me to slow down not just in school but all aspects of life. i got “settled” about halfway through october just to have to spend about 50-60% of the next 5 months traveling to and from home and my new state for many reasons. as it stands currently, unless i wish to pay out of state tuition i have to wait until about february or march of 2025 before i can get enrolled in a local university.

HOWEVER, i have decided and am actively looking into EMT schools for the summer and am currently looking for a second job in order to save up for that and im extremely excited about it! ill finish those degrees later lmao.

now, for the not school related life update that will show yall just why i was gone!

as many of yall may know i was diagnosed with adhd at 16, so in 2018, and had just been figuring a bit of it out when i started this blog. i was working and going to school and dealing with a lot at home but it was manageable for awhile. junior year was stressful and then i got extremely sick right around when i stopped posting so i had ended up taking some time off from content in order to focus on that. then covid hit and my life completely crumbled. i was already in online school so i didn’t have to slow down or wait for my school to figure stuff out and was able to finish business as usual. i was living at the time, with my grandparents, mom, sisters, and brother in one house, so it was always chaotic but being stuck in the house became a nightmare. lots and lots of family drama came from that and we were all stuck there because of how at risk both my grandparents and mom were.

the summer rolls around and i end up finally able to leave the house and get another job. it was a shit job but it got me out of the house so that was worth it. my “best friend” and i had been searching for apartments together so id needed to save money and was actively buying things and scheduling tours until she told me with less than a weeks notice that she was moving states and shortly after that basically quit acknowledging my existence. between family stuff, struggling with the start of college online, and then that i was not doing well mentally. i was lucky enough to have a couple friends that saw this and made sure to constantly keep checking on me and getting me out of the house more and more.

and then we moved. my mom, sisters and i started looking for a new place to live winter of 2020. my health had also taken a serious toll. i couldn’t even sit up in bed without feeling dizzy and was fainting regularly and had to quit my job because it got so bad. january 6th i got a call from my dr to go to the er immediately after she got some lab results back (i watched the capitol riot live on tv in the waiting room!) and was hospitalized for a few days after that. i got released and that next day we toured a house and it ended up being the one we bought.

within a month we were moving into the new house, school was kicking my ass, and i was still struggling physically and it had taken an even bigger toll on my mental health.

at the end of my freshman year i got a puppy and he and my friend genuinely saved my life. that summer, our family dog passed extremely unexpectedly and i had to pay all the vet bills for that and it really damaged my finances. my brother moved in and my life got worse again. and then we rescued a 3 week old kitten and couple months later i started another job. and then quit that job because my health was declining once again.

spring of the next year my sister and i got a job at the same place, and life seemed to start to steady minus my failing every class i took and my mental and physical health continuing to decline.

by fall of that year, after a lot of struggling throughout the family and a lot of other issues, we collectively agreed we had no choice but to send my brother rehab. he went, got out, immediately relapsed and we decided he had to go live with his biological father. i was thrilled because my brother genuinely abused me and then i adopted another kitten for my birthday that year.

this situation led my mother and his father to reconnecting and a month later they were engaged, they got married about 6 months later and had a long distance marriage of my mom traveling back and forth between him and my brother and the rest of the family.

about 4 months later my best friend moved states and it really sucked. and then another couple months passed and we found out that despite my working 60+ hours a week on top of school, i wasn’t going to be able to make ends meet anymore as we lost one source of income that had been what we needed to make ends meet each month.

so we moved my sisters into our grandparents house again since they wanted to stay in that state to finish school as they had less than a year left, i packed my stuff and my pets and after months of wondering what i was going to do a room at the house my moms husband/his parents and family/my brother opened up and my brothers grandparents were gracious enough to let me move in without having to pay rent. apparently i was a better option than the alternative. my mom conintued to split her time between here and back home.

i unexpectedly had to make a trip with my best friend back home as an old friend had passed and we wanted to attend the funeral so we went home for a couple days. a week later i was back home once again for thanksgiving and birthdays during which i was present at the mall for black friday shopping w mom and grandma and experienced a mass shooting. and then thought my sister was shopping at the same mall w her boyfriend and damn near was running back in while on the phone with them when he corrected her and told me they were at the other mall……not at all traumatizing. and again three weeks later for christmas. january i was job searching and got a job early february…just to have to, you guessed it, make another emergency trip home! my sister had gotten into a snowboarding accident so we flew my mom back there that day and the next day my sister stopped breathing because she was medically overdosed so that was a very traumatic call to get. my best friend flew me back home about a week after her accident to help out, god bless him for buying the plane tickets and my boss for hiring me and immediately letting me leave town!

while back home, my other sister got engaged, and a month later we went on a family vacation. i’m now back at my new house again, planning my next trip back home for my sisters wedding in less than a month, and a second trip later in that same month for their graduation.

seriously, bless my boss for being so insanely understanding and flexible.

throughout all this time my grandpa has had a handful of major health scares so that’s been a constant concern. but they are moving out here after my sisters graduate! and my sister that isn’t getting married is going to school in another state, and the one getting married will obviously be moving in with her soon to be husband.

hopefully i’ll have a second job by early june, and will be able to save enough to start EMT classes by august.

i don’t know how i would’ve made it through the last few years without the friends i have. they’re genuinely the best people i know. and of course my dog and cats, my babies, the reason i get out of bed.

so, if you read that far, first of all, congratulations bc that was a lot! and second, if you think that was bad, just know i was only scratching the surface! yay me…

tldr: life has actually sucked so insanely bad the last 4.5 years and it is from the combined effort of a miracle from God and a couple of ridiculous lot stubborn friend and my pets (and multiple therapists! sandra, natasha, kennedy if you see this, you the real ones!) that i’m still here.

[nailamoonsi]

2 and a half years worth of Blue Horizon book 1 pitches (mostly Pitlight) [and a bit of light novel and book 2]

The first "pitch" ever, and it mostly dealt with draft 1 of Blue Horizon book 1--back when in my mind I fancied writing a simple novella with the dads, Ranvir and Armando, before tackling an epic novel project after that (but that's now book 2).

I realized a lot in the process of figuring out book 1 through 2020 and 2021, however, and it quickly grew into a monster of a project--yet another epic science fantasy book for the series in my head. In my head I think of it as "the prequel novel." However I've long called it "book 1" online, so it'll stay "book 1." (It is complete but not yet published.)

Some parts of the pitch above barely has anything to do with book 1 as it is now...for Ranvir and Armando and friends. Weirdly, it might work for characters who show up later within book 1.

The moodboard above I'm very fond of as the first moodboard ever, and it involved the Chandrani family's energy re: ocean and water as well as a concept for "a wide open world." However I rarely wound up using it compared to the later regulars. (And apparently never for pitch practice again or any pitch event.)

A big note for all pitches is that any photography is by someone else and gotten from free-to-use stock image sites like Pexel and Unsplash BUT any drawn art is mine.

Above is the first times I tried bringing up the eerie aspect AND the soft aspect of Blue Horizon book 1. This was my experimental stage in all ways--a pitch with a mood and my first attempt at a "typical" moodboard, though obviously I wound up dropping these moodboards immediately. As can be seen with the moodboards I would settle on hereafter, I did need this stage to understand what I really wanted to go for!

As for the pitches--in the former, it basically revolves around the way the reader first walks into the novel, so to speak. In the second, it hints something about Ranvir and Armando, and brings up the Protector of Worlds without naming the role.

THIS WAS THE FIRST DEBUT OF MY MAIN 2 MOODBOARDS!!! And the first Pitlight I ever took part of in 2022. It somehow got to 23 notes without retweets (that 1 is for a quote retweet).

This was a quick Nanowrimo write-up--I can tell why people didn't take to it, but I guess in terms of pitches, I was learning and it didn't really matter, especially in the early days. Currently I'm doing Camp Sapphic instead.

This was the first time I referred to the Protector (of Worlds). It's technically a typical storyline across epic fantasies and many other types of stories--a "chosen one," so to speak, but in reality this is a job that's passed from person-to-person in their world, and was once representative of their place in the galaxy.

So this pitch very much focused on Ranvir and Armando right as I was finishing up Part 1, which is largely THEIR story arc! I'm very affectionate of it.

For a few posts in the early days, I kept reusing the first digital Armando and Ranvir art I ever drew. ; v ;

This was the first time I brought up the Mysterious Children (they keep appearing before Ranvir and Armando at different ages). This wasn't the first time I utilized this moodboard--the first time was January 2022!

But as people can tell at this point, this moodboard actually represents Alejandro Altaha and Antonio Chandrani-Rivera! Specifically, the sun, moon, lavender clouds, and the white clouds with shadowed figures skating across them with a teal sky surrounding--the shadowed figures are Ale and Tono.

I reused the same pitch for the later November Nano:

--this year however I'm doing Camp Sapphic and have let go of Nanowrimo due to its controversies. Edit in the evening is that this was the first time I got an agent like!

Even though this was extremely exciting and kept me going, I'm solo self-publishing Blue Horizon.

Next, back to summer 2022 pitches:

This was something I was hoping people would like, and in the end wound up one of my most popular pitches! :D This focuses on the warmer side of Blue Horizon and brings up a key character we all know by now--Antonio Chandrani-Rivera--for the first time!

(I'm unsure how much agents can gauge from this pitch, but I do like the feeling of it though and thus obviously used it for Pitlight.)

The rest under a cut because honestly I'll admit this is insane long.

This was the first time I brought up the children borne by magic lore! I forgot I did that when I looked back at old posts like 2 weeks ago. I'm actually surprised it got 11 likes, as I wasn't sure how people would see the children borne by magic subplot. Noticeable through the webcomic already!

So these two pitches are nearly identical; I was just worried one of the first pitch wasn't specific enough. However the first pitch got more retweets, likes and views, LOL. (It's an interesting situation--I think sometimes you wind up lucky with pitches.)

It'll become noticeable that I wanted to start referring to Antonio and Alejandro's conflicts, but Layla and Alia are major characters too, and thus I tried to put Layla in as well. However, at one point, people mentioned Layla comes off a bit random at the end of these sort of pitches. :"3c I do get that, but aw...

Overall, I realized what was best to focus on--Ranvir and Armando and their son (a.k.a. a direct connection) Antonio Chandrani.

MY FIRST OFFICIAL AGENT-RELATED PITCH EVENT... QueerPit! Official pitch events have been sporadic on Twitter since around 2022 but I was happy to catch this one.

Since I wound up emailing a lot of agents I decided not to take part in that many official agent-oriented pitch events in the end--my last was only my second one I believe, a.k.a. DVPit (unless I've blanked out another agent-oriented pitch event on Twitter). Those I won't show here directly from DVPit on Discord but from what I dropped for Twitter afterwards.

FOR THIS ONE... It was the first time I ever pitched... THE LIGHT NOVEL (also completed but unpublished). Just wanted to try.

This wasn't a real pitch exactly, and I dropped it on Twitter on September 28, 2023! However, this was the first time I brought up the scope of the epic science fantasy book 1 and its LGBT romances. My last Main pitch for Blue Horizon back a few days ago focuses on that too.

SO THIS IS THE FIRST OF 2 NEW PITCHES THAT I CRAFTED FOR BOOK 1 IN THE DVPIT SERVER ON DISCORD FOR THE OFFICIAL AGENT-ORIENTED PITCH EVENT, DVPIT...

For some reason neither were very popular on Twitter, but I like both of them a lot. My guess is due to the decision to try using a video for this one and a cropped art for the other one. [I did get agent likes...for the pitch I reused from QueerPit 😂 (which thankfully also got agent likes). However, I'm solo self-publishing Blue Horizon, as most of y'all know.]

Above is the first moment I was stressed, but thankfully by early this month I wound up cheery again.

So this was my first serious dud pitch after a very long time (i.e. my first Nano in March 2022). This one isn't the one I dropped on the actual NYEPitch day (also 1 like)--I'm embarrassed to show that one, but I was excited over people having fun about sun mage OCs at that time around the original day of January 1, and didn't think about terminology (I paid attention for my book)--since I use the term "water-bearer" and "ocean-bearer" a lot in my book, I ORIGINALLY used the term "bearer of the sun" for Alejandro [who's part of a binary star system] and "moon-and-sea-bearer" for Antonio in the pitch. (I do not use anything near "bearer of the sun" within Blue Horizon's epic fantasy books as I don't want to use similar terminology used in a popular published book.) I realized my mistake very late and changed it on January 5th, after 4 days! There's also the fact that this wasn't a pitch for book 1--I wanted to relax and try a first and second-to-last pitch for book 2~

However, thankfully that started my artist adventure because I got gloomy over only getting 1 like for the original and decided I wanted to destress.

I think it's also partly due to my showing up late and not participating with others due to it (I was feeling nasty tbh), possible shadowban (my posts at this time started plummeting in views compared to before in the months prior), and not specifying in the post that it isn't a sudden change from book 1 pitching, but a random attempt at a book 2 pitch.

It's because I got really emotional over finishing a story arc between Antonio and Alejandro for book 2, essentially.

THIS WAS THE SECOND DVPIT PITCH I CRAFTED IN THE DVPIT SERVER, AKA FOR THE OFFICIAL AGENT-ORIENTED EVENT... The only change from DVPit server is that I used Antonio's surname there, a.k.a. used Antonio Chandrani.

This IS about book 1; the epic science fantasy is a multi-POV book. I liked this one too, but I'm guessing either Antonio's depression era POV or the cropped-looking art made it not appetizing? This pitch is essentially a flip in perspective to Ranvir and Armando's perspective, and done partly due to my admitting that obviously Antonio Chandrani-Rivera (and Layla Chandrani) are the "traditional" main protagonists (though it's a very ensemble cast-oriented epic science fantasy book [and comic]).

This was for ChaosPit. Pitch as badly as you can, iirc.

SOOOOO AFTER A LOT OF STRESS AFTER AUGUST... I'M GLAD MY LAST PITLIGHT AND PITCH EVENT FOR BLUE HORIZON WENT OFF WITH A BANG...!!! On April 6th:

FOR THIS LAST MAIN PITCH FOR BOOK 1, I really really wanted to show off the "epic science fantasy" scale as well as mention tons of BIPOC and LGBT characters existing in it! (Calling back to that earlier proto-pitch.) I'M REALLY GLAD IT WAS WELL-LIKED.

I liked being able to use those emojis, too! They just feel like they give implications and have a weird or '90's clipart vibe together.

This is still the same Pitlight! I just wanted to try pitching the completed (but unpublished) light novel before I stopped pitching for Blue Horizon. Surprised and glad it was liked more than I expected! :D

Since it was my last time pitching for Blue Horizon after 2 and a half years, I wanted to drop one pitch for Book 2~! The first story arc is pretty serious but I thought it'd be an interesting note for anyone curious about Blue Horizon book 1 and the light novel.

AND FINALLY... I originally wanted a "cyclical" ending to all those months and even years pitching by utilizing my first Pitlight pitch ever (which was never reused in the interim).

It would've looked dreamy like this. However, I f*cked up the pitch due to changing the first sentence BUT MAKING A HUGE ERROR. LAST PITLIGHT WAS FUN. That's all!