#i find romantic attraction in the shared experiences yk?

[critterchitters-closedcaptions]

funny thing about attraction is that i am Not at all interested in cis guys. right.

except for the literal worst fictional men you've ever layed eyes on.

this character is horrible and *will* harm my general health?

comfort character babey.

occasionally theres the just Regular Ass Guy right, but 90% of the time its either women or the literal scum of the earth (or both. lady villains. aaough <3 yes please)

[depressed-horny-poet]

Aromantics I need ur help!

Okay so lately I've kinda been having a *crush* on someone. My best friend for a few weeks to be precise. And I need to figure out if my feelings are real or just made up by the pressure of society.

Okay, backstory: I have had my first crush with like 8. It was someone from a movie. Then my second REAL crush was a boy in secondary school I had a crush on for 3 years. Of course I felt attracted to a lot of movie characters and actors the years until now but after 8th class (I was 13 y/o) with a crush on a teacher I didn't get crushes at all (I'm 18 now). And everyone around me got into and out of relationships and I just didn't feel the need to have that too. I didn't want a romantic relationship with anyone. The thought of it just didn't make me feel anything. Then I had my first kiss with my prior best friend (we wanted to find out how it felt) and my first thought was "ew this is so disgusting, how can people enjoy this??" I am pretty sure I'm not asexual as I can imagine to hook up with someone. But not with someone romantic yk? I can imagine going to a club, having a one night stand, living through sex life. But romance?

And now I think my hormones are playing a bit dumb because I suddenly want to hold hands with that friend I mentioned. I want to touch them. I want to kiss them. I want to spend as much time with them as possible. I want people to know we are a couple (even though we aren't. Yet.)

We had a movie night lately and we sat under the same blanket, cuddling or more like sitting with our shoulder pressed together. And the places where I touched them... They burned and I thought my ears and face where getting red. And then they laid their head on my shoulder for a minute or so and my shoulder burned as well.

But when we where together the other day and our hands or arms touched accidentally, I didn't feel anything. And I didn't want to be their partner. But I did want so bad to hold their hand. (We were at a Cristopher Street Day btw so I thought if not now then when yk.)

Every time I think about us, about our current relationship, the possibilities, that we could be romance. It makes me feel sick in the stomach and I get kind of nausea. I don't know if that feeling is good or bad.

Additionally, my stomach's been making me some trouble lately and I'm constantly nauseous with stomach ache. Well, I'm going to see a doctor tomorrow to make sure it's nothing serious. Because I do think it's psychosomatic and the stress with that *crush* is causing me this pain.

I would be very grateful if you shared your story or experiences with me concerning how you found out about your Aromanticity(✨) , what you feel towards people, if you had any similar experiences as me etc. Thanks ahead <3

[youremyheaven]

oh wow rahu men can be very much insecure. also now that I’m single I attracted an arda moon man and guess what! not only he’s idealizing me, he’s feels like I’m too good for him and he would “ruin me.” I was like nope already done that and friend zoned him. He also had preassumptions about me that rubbed me the wrong way. At least now with the Jupiter moon man I’m talking to is very much secure with himself and has a lot to offer. I feel safe in his energy.

the 12h profection year makes sense! I’m glad that you came out feeling better than before 😊

did we date the same guy?? lololol my experience is v similar to yours and what I learned from that relationship is v similar. I learned a lot from it. I also now know what type of men (cough cough rahu men) I should avoid and life has gotten brighter now that he’s gone. we also had venus square neptune synastry. this man idealized me and put me on a pedestal like I was some sort of goddess to him. I think it is a rahuvian trait to resent us because he saw me as this “pure person” so I guess that made him treat me like shit (but I’m a person with flaws like I’m human too yk!!!) and when the relationship was running it’s course, he couldn’t stand that I stopped accepting his behavior because I used to accept his bare minimum and take him back. I used to put so much effort for his ass. I think it kinda shook him because I snapped back and stop putting my energy in him and that was one of the main reasons we broke up. I was going through major health issues as well at that time so I didn’t have much time for him because I had to put myself first and I guess that triggered him. My health issues made me realize a lot of shit and the veil was coming off. He wondered why I was with him and would be like why are you even with me? That rahu energy had a grip on me that’s why 😭😭 even after we broke up he was like I hope you find someone who makes you happy and gives you the love you deserve that I couldn’t give you. I realized this man will not give me the love I deserve, he will continue to resent me because my personality, my talents, etc.

Also kinda random on how rahu and ketu energies can manifest irl, you did mention something like how rahu natives can get back up from health reasons (correct me if I’m wrong!) My ex would try crazy ass shit and had dangerous encounters but came out fine😱 and as Ketu native I have a chronic illness and I have to watch out for my health😫

ty for allowing us anons to share our stories🩷🩷🩷 it’s comforting knowing we share similar experiences with rahu men 😭 sending healing vibes ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

tysm for the healing vibes 😭✨🫶🏼 sending some your way too 💫💖💫

all my life ive always felt like I was undeserving of the kind of treatment i received but now im thinking of how if me holding myself back has meant that ive subconsciously manifested many abusive relationships (romantic & platonic) ,, lacking self esteem can be dangerous bc if you don't see your own worth, others WILL try to convince you that you're nothing 😮‍💨sorry it's not related to anything you said but you've ✨ provoked my thoughts ✨once more hehe

[tolkien-feels]

You know how you're aro-ace or queer (are you? Please, if I get your sexuality wrong I'm so terribly sorry, since I'm from a very practising Catholic family, yk, and I'm not very good with pronouns and sexualities), do you have those fangirly-feelings for fictional men/ people? Or do you just think of them platonically?

(Oh my god, I'm so sorry of this makes you uncomfy, I really am trying to find out how people of different sexualities feel like towards certain people (my family has a strict ruling on sexualities, yk, but they tell us to not to disrespect them))

Good on you for trying to learn directly from people who experience what you are curious about! That is awesome and not as common as I wish!

I am ace, yes, but I'm biromantic, so my answer will be (probably) very different from someone who is aroace. And I do very often describe myself as queer, a bit like sometimes I say I'm chronically ill and sometimes I say (specific diagnoses that I am Not sharing online) - "queer" is a useful shorthand for me.

I'll put this under a cut for length.

While it's an ego boost to know you think of me as someone friendly enough to answer your questions, I really want to make it very clear that this is how I personally feel. I can't speak for everyone or even for a majority of people. If you go around asking your friends what it's like to find someone sexually attractive, I'm sure you'll get many different answers - it's the same thing with romantic attraction.

Okay, so for fictional crushes - I don't particularly get them nowadays except very briefly ("Oh, this scene was very attractive! Okay, moving on." rather than "OH MY GOD I have a crush on this character!!!!"), but when, for example, I was a teenager, oh yeah, I got fictional crushes all the time!

This is difficult to explain because I don't fully understand sexual attraction, so it's hard to explain how what I feel is different from it. But while my friends used to talk about fictional crushes in terms of how hot they were or "why can't I find a person like this to make out with 😭" the way I experienced crushes was like... warm and fuzzy feelings and butterflies in my stomach and many "!!!!!!!" emotions while thinking about said fictional crush, but it didn't occur to me to want to make out with them, and if someone directly asked me about it, it was like "Ew, no, don't ruin it, I don't want That."

This is different from platonic attraction, which is "I want to be friends with them!!" To overshare - using the Lay of Leithian as an example because I've found out I'm remarkably consistent about it regardless of adaptations or versions of the story: would I go on a date with either Beren or Luthien? In a heartbeat. I don't have a crush on them (in that I don't particularly spend my time daydreaming about them), but if they were real and asked me, oh yeah, for sure, I do find them romantically attractive. Would I go on a date with Finrod, though? No, god, no. Wonderful character, would love to have him as my best friend, even, but I would have zero wish to do anything romantic with him if he was real. And it's not because I don't enjoy linking him to romance - I actively ship him with Amarie and can be persuaded to ship him with virtually anyone else. Shippability is different from "I personally find this character romantically attractive."

So yeah, especially when I was younger, I very much did get the experience of vibrating in a frequency that shatters glass while thinking about how attractive a character was, I just didn't get the "Oh, hot 😏" memo. I still actually regularly struggle to remember innuendo is a thing, because my mind very rarely goes there.

Also, since this is a Tolkien blog, let me share a very specific thing. You know this scene?

I have spent the past 20 years trying to understand what is hot about it. For me it's like, it's a scene. A cool scene, I guess, but there are so many cooler scenes. I literally don't get what people see in it? And so many people, too, so clearly there's Something hot about it, but I just feel confused? I have had so many conversations about it, but for me it's like saying "Actually, the most attractive character in the movies is Treebeard." I'm like "?????? Did I miss something vital????"

...I've spoken a lot and I'm not sure any of this was at all useful? But long story short, yes, I can be attracted to fictional characters, but I don't really find them hot. Aesthetically beautiful, yes, but not whatever weird thing people mean when they say someone is hot.

[multigenderswag]

Okay I found a song which is very gender to me as a multigender person and i thought I’d share

It’s As Girls Go by Suzanne Vega

And it’s a love song to a trans girl who she just found out is trans but already had flirty banter going on before finding out

And I know it’s like a ‘hey I don’t care that your trans’ sorta song, but I personally have always read it as a love song to a genderfluid/flux/multigender person from someone who is still trying to figure out her own sexuality

Which there aren’t a lot of live songs that seem to say ‘I like one person who has something going on with their gender’ in my experience so I really love it as a multigendered person who is very much a romantic

TW for what could be read as suggestions of self harm though

There’s also Girls from Sing Street(I prefer the movie soundtrack to the musical), which is just. It’s gender, and it’s being attracted to multiple genders, and states how gender things are complicated. Also the dude who is a man wears a skirt on stage and it’s set in the 80s which when paired together feel awesome, except for yk. All of the queerphobia at the time(if you watch the movie TW slurs)

This was much longer than expected! Sorry

Hope you enjoy the songs!!! Also thank you for having this blog, it brings me a lot of joy when I see it on my dash!

Brb adding these to my multigender playlist-

"Doesn't matter to me which side of the line you happen to be at any given time" oooh

"I'm still a stranger in the bathroom mirror, stare at me long and hard enough, you might find someone that you love" !!!!

[shmaroace]

hihi. i saw your post about aces being allowed to have sex and aros being allowed to date and i feel like my understanding of what being aro/ace means so i come bearing questions

i thought that being asexual meant that you experience little to no sexual attraction, and i assumed that included the desire to have sex. is that wrong?? i didnt think that an ace person would want to have a sexual experience and that they wouldnt enjoy it for lack of desire reasons yk. can u elaborate on that a bit !!!

okay i was also under the impression that aromantic people wouldn't feel the desire to have a romantic relationship if they experienced little to no romantic attraction. and like. my understanding of a relationship is that your partner is your Best Friend but romantically instead of platonically . how does being in a relationship with an aromantic person work?? please share you infinite knowledge, o wise one

i find this very interesting :)

hi! first of all i'm flattered that you called me o wise one bc i'm literally not. and yes i can answer your questions!

being asexual does mean little to no sexual attraction. however, libido (sex drive) can still be active. some asexual people like sex and like having it, just based on the feeling of it, even if they're not attracted to the person. the best way i can think to explain it is that you're hungry but it doesn't really matter what food you eat - you just want to eat.

asexual people also may have sex with their partner if they enjoy or are indifferent to sex! this could be for a number of reasons including mutual enjoyment, pleasing the partner, having a kid, etc.

similarly, some aromantic people choose to be in a romantic relationship! it's probably because they like romance and they aren't romance repulsed. relationships can look different for every aromantic person! some are more romantic, some are more platonic - it depends on who is in the relationship as to what it includes. (btw i'm not entirely sure how alloromantic relationships work lmao so i'm not entirely sure how aro ones differ)

anyway i hope this helps! you can send another ask if it didn't clear anything/something up <3 also feel free to add stuff in the notes :)

[queenangst]

hey!! if u don’t mind me asking how did u know u were aro/ace? like i’m lowkey is going “is that me” bc i don’t really get what romantic/sexual attraction is supposed to feel like ... but on the other hand what if i’m just yk not understanding my own feelings or haven’t experienced it yet or whatever idk hopefully this is phrased somewhat in a way that makes sense

Sure! 

I actually talked about this with some friends who were asking on my Discord about a week ago, so I hope you don’t mind me copying and pasting this discussion!

As a note: some of what I share below is personal. This is my personal life so I’ve kept it vague, and I don’t want to share details or involved parties online. You are 100% welcome to ask me more about a specific experience, but I may or may not share.

What I went through in my self-discovery doesn’t apply to everyone. We might share some experiences, we might not. 

To clarify my identity again: I’m aromantic asexual. I do not experience attraction at all, and I am culturally sex-positive/sex-neutral, and personally sex-repulsed. And I am out—my parents, family and friends, etc.

If you’d like to ask questions about these specific parts of my identity that I don’t go into detail in this post, please feel free.

(Also my identity journey went something along the lines of: straight, questioning/no label/allosexual, demisexual, asexual.) Also, sometimes on my blog casually I will describe myself as “ace” for both aro/ace or use “ace” as an interchangeable term for “aspec,” but this is not wholly accurate, it’s just the way that I sometimes use it because I am ace and I can do that.

being ace (my experience): 

Figuring out ur ace sometimes is kinda hard bc 

1) there is a spectrum 2) it's really easy to get caught up in ur own expectations/society 

because asexuality is a lack of attraction, sometimes it can be really confusing, and we end up trying to find something that’s not actually there. (or that may be there but different than what is heteronormative).

one of the main reasons i really figured it out was bc i dated someone, and i was not attracted to them romantically or sexually in any way at all. 

i didn't reciprocate the feelings even during the relationship - i tried to convince myself that it would happen but just never did, and i was uncomfortable (red flag) a lot about affection. 

my advice also is if you're thinking about romance/sex/relationship and it makes you uncomfortable/you can't picture yourself in the future (i.e. when you're older)/it happens forcefully instead of naturally that is, imo, a sign that you're aro/ace/respective aspec identity

now. i do not advise doing what i did. actually i strongly do not advise anyone to force yourself into a relationship or into any situation if you're unclear about your own wants and boundaries. most of all, listen to yourself. if something is making you uncomfortable, consider what about that experience is uncomfortable to you.

edit for clarity: obviously i didn’t know i was aroace at the time of entering that relationship, and it was not malicious intent on my end or “deception,” rather that i didn’t know myself then as well as i do now.

also to my one point (shown below) about "picking someone" tbh in hindsight i just think it's funny i have this really clear memory in elementary school where i was talking to my friend about crushes, and she asked me if i had a crush and i said no. so she asked if i had to have a crush on someone who it would be, so i was like "i guess this guy or this other guy?" basically because i thought they were funny/nice to me

also in hindsight after discovering that, here are things that i experienced that tipped me off:

 - making excuses* (i want to focus on academics, i don't want a relationship right now but maybe later, i haven’t really found someone i liked) - putting myself in a box/label to fit what other people thought (i have to like this person) - guessing about attraction (i guess if i had to be attracted to someone, i would be to this person) - repulsion/dislike* (i don't mind talking about/reading about other people's romance/sex lives, but i don't want to do it myself)

*asterisk is because like i said before, asexuality is a spectrum. and also some of these reasons are perfectly valid if you are attracted to someone! maybe you really do want to focus on academics or you don't like physical intimacy as a preference and that's valid too. edit for clarity: some aces are sex-positive and some aces are sex-repulsed. and some are neutral. 

btw, if you are aspec, you can still be attracted to people! it will just be a different experience from an allo person.

you don't have to have a label if you're unsure or if you don't want one or really any other reason, because your identity is your business and we discover new things about ourselves all the time. it’s okay if a year ago you thought you were gay but now you think you might be ace after all or vice versa, etc; that doesn’t invalidate your feelings or your experiences. there is no rush and no race.

also if you want to learn more about asexuality! for yourself or in general: 

AVEN: Asexuality Visibility & Education Network

https://www.asexuality.org/ 

Asexuality: An Overview/FAQ

AVEN Forums: Questions about Asexuality questions about asexuality, check out the other various aven forums too bc lots of people share their experiences and ask questions there.

I hope this helps someone! If you resonate with anything I wrote above, I would encourage you to do more research about asexuality. 

[queerhannibal]

Re: Hanni is aro. I thought aromantics don't experience romantic feelings? But Hannibal is clearly in love with Will? I'm so confused. Can you explain for my neanderthal brain? I don't mean this to be offensive but if it is just ignore it. 🙏

No worries at all, this isn’t offensive!! 

It’s true that aromanticism is an orientation predicated on not experiencing romantic feelings, you got that right, but like most orientations it’s sort of a spectrum: a 100% aro person would never experience romantic feelings for anyone, but many people identify with the aro label bc they simply experience romantic attraction far less frequently than the general population

For Hannibal the aro read is basically suggesting that he’d never felt romantic feelings for anyone prior to meeting Will, which I think is actually a very common read? It’s just assigning that a label in a way most people don’t. I think we can all agree that most people have been at least a little bit in love with someone by the time they’re in their late 40s, which means that if Hannibal hasn’t felt that way about someone before Will (or even has only done so very very rarely) he’s probably on the aro spectrum

Like I identify as aromantic because I’ve loved a lot of people very deeply but I’ve never felt like I wanted to like, be in a relationship with them? I’ve never enjoyed the thought of coming home to them or being non-platonically affectionate with them or sharing a bed with them outside of sex? And I think it’s really not a stretch to say that’s Hannibal’s general experience (minus the loving a lot of people v deeply, although he does seem to be p genuinely fond of at least some people). Will is just the exception to that rule for him, in the same way that my partner is the exception to that rule for me

If he were canonically aromantic he’d be terrible aro rep for that of course (it’s not great to imply that there’s like a one true love who’s going to come around and ““fix”” an aro person’s aromanticism (not to mention that he’s evil lol)) but yk it is an experience a lot of real life aromantic people have and we can connect to him within that and to his confusion over identifying the feeling of being in love

A lot of aromantic people have spent a lot of time trying to figure out if the affection they’re feeling for a person is romantic love or not? It’s a thing almost all of us can really relate to: do I really like this person or am I in love with this person? What is “being in love”, really? And I imagine that Hannibal explored the answers to those questions very young and determined that that wasn’t something he felt and that that was just fine with him, because love seemed messy and incapacitating and anyway he didn’t need deep human connections anyway bc he’s better than that

So then by the time he meets Will and he DOES fall in love with him, he’s already dismissed that as a possibility. Obviously he’s just really intrigued. Obviously he just really likes Will the way one really likes a close friend, or maybe even a brother? He’s never had a brother or a close friend so he doesn’t know much about those feelings either. Certainly it’s more like his love for Mischa than anything else he’s ever felt for anyone??

And he doesn’t really connect the fact that he finds Will attractive to these feelings he’s having bc there’s never been a connection between feelings and sexual attraction for him before, and obviously the New Feeling is far more important than something as boring and banal as sexual attraction, so that’s what he pursues. That seems to me very much the action of someone who is aro, especially since the show makes it pretty clear he didn’t know he was In Love while doing that

So basically he reads as arospec to me bc he experiences romantic feelings less frequently than most people do and bc he has a weird relationship to romantic attraction when he does experience it

[justanotherboyinblue]

sweet and pure asks

🐰- do you believe in soul mates?  i do!

💌- diary or journal?  i’ve majorly seen them used in the same context, but i think a journal is more scientific and a diary is personal? so, diary!

✨- which fictional character (book, show, or movie) do you relate to most?   aka Who Do You Kin XD    maybe Sam from supernatural? Klaus from the originals? not sure!

💕- are you crushing on someone?  crushing, no. in love with, yes

💋- kissing in the dark or kissing in the rain?  ugh they’re both so cheesy romantic cliches i love both  i would have to say rain though!

🐝- describe your aesthetic in emojis   🐾  🍃  🌛  💫  🍵  🌉  🌃 🗼  ✒️

🍼- what is your favorite memory?  favorite? oh jeez  i think my favorite memories are when i was that ridiculously happy kind of haze where everything is funny and even if it’s freezing outside you feel so warm, yk?  a moment in a pitch black park at 9pm with my aunt and mother, almost every night with moje kochanie, those perfect days when i’m having the best time playing video games and hanging out with my best friends  that soft shit, ya feel?

🌸- what is your favorite flower?  bellflowers and coral dahlias!

💖- have you ever been in love?  i have! four times i think, including right now!

🍰- strawberry or vanilla?  strawberry, 100%

🍯- describe your favorite smell  OKAY SO I HAVE A FEW GET READY  the smell of winter, which is the smell of snow which is just like, cold? the smell of cold? i can’t describe it but y’all know it  a burning fireplace! if you have the right wood it will smell absolutely divine  freshly baked anything  hot chocolate!

🎂- if you had 3 wishes, what would they be?  that my family was kind and supporting, that my girlfriend didn’t live eight thousand miles away, that animals lived longer

🍪- cookie dough or cookies?  cookies! if i eat enough cookie dough it makes me sick, but i can eat cookies alllll day

☕- coffee or tea?  neither! both are nasty!!

🍃- would you rather live in a sea with mermaids or a forest with fairies?  okay i want to say the sea, because i am a Water Child, but living in a forest would be? so awesome?? can i be both? a mermaid-faerie hybrid?

🍂- what’s your middle name?   Hope! 

💫- what is your sun, moon, and rising sign?  pisces, libra, and virgo respectively

🌧️- favorite thing to do on rainy days?  either sit by a window and read while it rains, or if it’s absolutely pouring i’d go out and stand in it

🍭- how tall are you?  5′4!

💒- which show would you want to live in?  hm, definitely not supernatural, and ncis is basically the same, maybe sherlock? 

🎄- what is your favorite holiday?  either halloween or christmas, because halloween is just so Aesthetic and a great excuse to watch horror movies all day and eat candy, while christmas is watching cheesy hallmark movies and making cinnamon rolls and opening presents and sitting in front of the fire and watching the snow fall outside

🍦- what scented candle is your favorite?  i bought this one candle with the scent of tides and kelp and dude, it smells so nice. kind of like a speedstick but still

🎶- favorite song right now?  lucky stars- Lucy Spraggan

💘- 3 ways to win your heart?  having the same interests as me so we can yell about them together, be sarcastic as hell, and generally don’t be an asshole lmao

🍩- current mood?  pretty good! i’m going to be in a call with my baby in a few hours and i’m really excited for it!! we haven’t had a vc in so long 

❄️- what is your favorite season?  fall. 100%. you can go swimming in the heat one day and the next it be freezing

💍- your current relationship status?  taken! i am currently dating a beautiful girl whom i love very much

📷- a photo of yourself  ...no

💅🏻- do you like being spoiled?  uh, ofc? i’m a brat

🕊️- 3 habits you have?  i bounce my knee a lot; i crack a multitude of joints in my body; i fiddle with my clothes a lot, like buttons and sleeves

🦄- how do you perceive yourself?  i know i have good intentions but they don’t always work out the best, i tend to show affection by being fake-mean and i realize that not all people appreciate that, i know i can always do better

🦋- how do you think others perceive you?  i try not to make assumptions, but i will share a few things my girlfriend says about me!  she tells me that i am kind, funny, caring, and that i emit a kind of warmth   which obviously makes me a soft bitch, as well as very happy because i really do strive to be a homey kind of person, so to be warm and cozy is Nice

🌈- things I find attractive in girls/guys  i don’t focus a whole lot on looks, i’m all about that personality!! i find kindness attractive lmao

🍒- how do you act when you have a crush?  like an absolute idiot

💔- the reason behind your last breakup?  she didn’t have romantic feelings for me anymore

💬- what your last text message says?  a goodnight text to my girlfriend

🎥- what show are you currently binging on?  bbc sherlock

⛅- what is your morning routine?  try and get out of bed and slap clothes on pretty much

💗- who do you miss?  L, always

🥀- last time you cried?  two nights ago i believe

🎁- when is your birthday?  february twenty-sixth!

🔪- scariest/creepiest experience?  i haven’t really had any creepy experiences per-se, but i have had plenty of scary ones! i had one just a few nights ago actually. there was a huge crack of thunder and i kid you not it shook our entire house. like, stuff fell off my desk. it rattled my window a lot and i was really scared that the next thunder strike would break it so i was freaking out in the corner of my nook for a while

💤- date someone younger, older, or the same age as you?  i wouldn’t date someone younger, but for sure older and the same age!  (yes i know you’re younger than me but only by a few months shut up L)

thank you for the ask game!