#i feelinsnae

[xueyidweams]

rambling again (gn reader, nsfw under the cut)

at the start of your relationship with him, sex was kind of… one sided? he made sure you were satisfied, let you do whatever you want even though you could see discomfort behind his eyes (when you could catch it you obviously did not go through with whatever u were about to). it felt.. weird. he was good, he’s really good at sex its just, it doesn’t look like he’s really, actually enjoying it for himself as well as you.

you decide to talk about it while you guys are sprawling on the bed in the morning, his usual silk pyjamas hugging the right places and his shawl makes him look like a cozy cat. seeing him this relaxed bubbled up the questions in your mind you have been meaning to ask but he’d been too busy. so you decide it is time, now.

“Hey, love. i hope this doesnt come across wrong but… do you really feel good when we have sex? or do you feel like its something you have to perform to keep me satisfied?”

and Aeons, you saw him freeze. he looked at you as he laughed in his usual demeanor and yet there was a tinge of awkwardness, you’re his lover of course you can tell. “What… made you say that?” you shook your head and reassured him that it wasnt his ‘performance’ in bed that was bad in an attempt to ease him into the topic. you simply wanted him to enjoy himself too, let you be the one giving for once. for him to sit back, relax and enjoy.

he sighs wistfully and his eyes look spaced out and yet he’s talking to you, “it’s not that i.. don’t enjoy it, i love embracing you in every way its just…” he looks into your eyes as his fingers go to his nails and scratch a bit, “im not used to.. feeling a lot of pleasure out of it, i guess.” he sees your brows crease in concern and he shakes his head, don’t look at him like that don’t look at him like you care about this more than he thinks you do don’t do that— “no, no, don’t be concerned. i’m fine, i really am.”

you get closer as you hold the hand that was on his neck, bringing it to your face. “then let me be the one to give tonight, i want you to just lay there and enjoy it, please? or right now! if you feel like it, of course.” his heart sinks and flutters off of his chest at the same time, he did want it— but that doesn’t mean he deserves it.

he looks into your eager eyes, you’re looking at him like a puppy that wants a treat. its cute, you’re always like this. like a dog that doesn’t care how many times it gets kicked or beaten, it’ll still choose kindness, it will still choose to love, it will not snarl its teeth, it will lick the hand that hurt it, you’re loyal and loving—sometimes to a fault and yet he cant help himself.. how can he say no to you when he can practically see your tail swaying back and forth?

“Okay. whatever you want, love.” You smile and he swears it melts off every worry he has, yeah. yeah maybe this was okay.

he groans as you have his dick so deep he can feel his tip hitting the back of your throat. it makes him twitch and whine, your fingers are holding his thighs apart, gently as if to say ‘you can make me stop at any time.’ right now though, he feels those vile thoughts in his head subside as your hands stroke his skin, your mouth and tongue working desperately for him.. you’re working for him.

his hand slowly grabs your hair and tugs, and the choked whine you let out with the added stimuli of your teeth grazing him just a bit makes him cum down your throat, whimpering your name when you don’t let go of his dick, making him pump his entire load down your throat and fuck it makes him throb.

you let go of his dick with a pop, licking your lips and smiling at him and fuck you look like such a dumb dog, he wants to eat you so violently it makes his dick stiffen again. so embarrassing, he’s acting like a virgin and he feels like it. the way you look up at him as your fingers curl around the base of his dick and your tongue goes lower, poking into his hole. he nods and whimpers a ‘yes’ as you get to work. your fingers jerking him off as your tongue that’s stained with his filth is practically fucking his hole.

he whines your name so loud, he didn’t know he could make his voice go that high. he looks down at you and the power he feels is indescribable, you look so desperate and for what? his cum? that’s so pathetic, right? and yet he feels himself tighten, the knot in his stomach getting tighter and tighter in an embarrassingly fast pace as he feels you hooking your arms under his knees and bend his legs so that you can eat him out better. he has to bite his own finger to keep himself from whining like that again.

it’s pathetic, it’s desperate, it feels so good, you feel so good, you feel so warm, you feel so safe, he feels like he shouldn’t be the one receiving all of this but you decide that he does deserve it. and he’s never one to turn down his lovers’ requests.