#i feel.. like a true artist now...
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waaaaaaaahh ur art is so good everyone looks so pretty it's so amazing ur so awesome!!!!!
it's amazing?! i'm AWESOME?!
like... inducing AWE... ?! well then, so are you for telling me such lovely things unprompted!! thank you for thinking everyone is pretty, and thank you so much for saying so 🥹💕✨
#i feel.. like a true artist now...#i am sending you all the joys to help you transition into the new year ✨#thank you again 😭whaaaat omg#caw caw!!🪶🐦⬛🦴
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and we always will be
#i wanted to get something out before the month ended and i feel like this sums up how i've been feeling pretty well#i haven't felt the loneliness and helplessness the government so desperately wants from us#and i thank the trans community for that#i went to my first pride festival this month and i don't think i have ever felt so safe in that large of a group of people#i've never not had faith in us as a community to thrive#we've been through much worse frankly#but i have felt true hope this past month and i think that is a damn good feeling#we have always been here#and we always will be#happy pride month#okay actual tags now#harv's art#pride month#pride month 2025#trans#trans rights#trans pride#transgender#lgbtq+#trans artist#artists on tumblr#art#digital art#trans positivity#trans joy#otherkin#alterhuman#therian#nonhuman#transspecies
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Is there more to lose than gain if I go on my own again?
On my own again?
#my art#fallout#fallout new vegas#mr house#robert edwin house#robert house#tw nudity#in a like. artistic way. laughs#i'm sorry you weren't born in this universe robbie you would've loved marina and the diamonds#yes marina in 2025 we're real for it#wuhhh i had this in progress for too long. i'm sure there's more i could do to it too but fuck it. changing gears a little bit#i made those tags like a week ago. still true. this mind is a machine that turns middled aged men into dramatic girls#maybe one day i'll revisit this but i don't feel like it would be for a while now. this year we are posting things#fonv
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A little promo with my little obsession on the side...........
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mmezzy.bigcartel.com
#klance#halloween au#im projecting on the internet my own impostor syndrome#i feel that im awful and should be learning how to draw instead of writing shitty fics#and when i want to write a post and share a little doodle or smth - 'sorry' is right between the lines and its so frustrating#like???? nobody probably cares#im either here or im not#and if i need to finish that little abomination of a fic then so be it you'd think people wouldnt mind too much#and would still want to listen to my captions and see whatever silly doodle however silly it is as long as its true#..............but what if its all redundant#what if i cant draw after i had to flip my entire routine upside down#and will forever chase a thrill of feeling like a prolific artist and it will be always out of reach now#what if people scroll past my art and feel nothing now#what if world is filled with people who kinda hate klance but stay out of reflex and not bc its their deeply routed source of comfort#what if i reached an artistic plateau and will never be good enough#what if this is the limit of my 'talent'#what if i will forever love the projects i want to share but will always hate the execution of it wanting to fix it fix it fix it learn mor#i keep reading the little notes i get on orders#some screenshots i saved#i find good words and opinions and love letters to art as a whole#and i feel insufficient#subpar#i drew a comic about it to an old poem and still havent finished it#there is a point of trying your best when it stops feeling like a challenge and feels like a failure#its the moment where you keep going of course#and yet#there are emotions im sure nobody shares on social media bc we just try to get through them#but who else will take it better than tumblr tags#either way if im less around its because im dealing with creational self-hatred and artistic ambitions#but on the other hand arent all artists like that? i ran out of tag space btw have an awesome weekend
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An hour and 17 minutes into Defunctland's new video. It's crazy to think that the first person to basically say "we should replace artists with robots/AI!" was... Walt Disney himself.
[around 1:17:14 in the video]
Defunctland's new video, you should watch it.
#feel like walt never really had a passion for art#maybe he did at first#but it's pretty well known that he lost this passion over time#the man's true passions were innovation. The furthering of mankind. The future#he saw animation as an evolution in human progression. Not in the way most artists or animators saw it then or now#and when that passion died off he moved onto the next innovation#food for thought#disney#walt disney#tw walt disney#I see why most artists/animators hate Walt now#YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ON OUR SIDE!!!!!!#AI#anti ai art#defunctland
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I've been overthinking a lot about making art like visual art/drawing and like what it means to do it / be an "[online] artist", even though it's just a hobby and not serious at all and not even something i'm super invested in. But I feel very fake drawing no matter what the subject is because I always feel like I'm incapable of not doing it for some other, and because I tend to take more pleasure in the process of drawing itself than in thinking about concepts, because I feel like the things I draw don't really matter to me, and for some reason this was/is throwing me off a little. And i'm still very much pondering about all those things but it's funny to have all these internal discussions with myself while that falin drawing goes around here & on twitter (it's probably the most attention I've ever received on a drawing in all my life and the most I'll get in a while), and while people say so many kind things to me... On twitter someone said "i'm glad you made this" and it really touched me for some reason.
#txt#i dont know why im feeling so pressed about all this lately but i really am#like all art is evil REAL kill all artists INDEED#it doesnt make me not want to draw though it's just IDK... messing with the way i see it#i also feel ofc very lucky that so many people are seeing. MY picture#even though i cant quite conceptualize what that means + thr internet makes me so nervous...#but thats true always not only now
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Gosh i miss them. I wanna yap abt them so bad but i dont know abt what aspect of them
Dug through the archives,,, more of them,,,
Would she still love him if he were a worm........
#i love these stupid lil weirdos so much#almost just as much as i love yapping over the stupid lil weirdos lmao#also all of these doodles are over a year old?????#and yet i still like them#ive done an art evolution.... i still like my old art.....#i feel like a true artist now.......
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The passage of time was sooo normal and kind to me this year guys qwq
#happy 2025#art summary#artists on tumblr#two of these are commisions and two are from artfight#I could not manage drawing alongside work and everything else that went awry this year qwq#yeah I made the scylla part three months ago and only manage to post anything about it now I#am so bad at this#I usually don't do new years resolutions but for this one I genuinely want to get better at promoting myself#especially since I'm out of work again#laid off like a true animator/gamer....#oh and that october mizi one is just an unfinished sketch I guess january akane having a bad time is also unfinished#never could manage to get it anywhere despite wanting to on account of the hair coming out reeeeally nice#I'm extremely proud of all my bigger pieces this year though#june and july ones hehe juri june and july#I never answered anyone on artfight and I feel so bad about it :'( participating on that was like#one of the last things I remember doing before time started passing normally again this year or well feeling better at least#and well as bad as it ended my time working was really great only routine that stuck around the whole year#and going out with my then coworkers felt really fancy and fun#I was able to save up a lot and want to use that to focus on personal projects this next year#......which is partly the reason I Need to study and practice getting better at promoing
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1) i'm bad at games 2) i'm scared of people
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#sona#tw gun#and then voice chat was unlocked FVHSVb#i almost tapped out i was not Going To fhvss#/and yea i did Terrible Lmao#i usually do worse when i'm on teams. actually i think that might be the nervousness now that i'm writing this HFSH#and then i had to commit a true crime because my mom called n i had to get off#oof ouch sorry ffvfhsb#i did okay the second time :D#//really i haven't drawn anything in like. a week i think#nothing digital anyway#i made some silly traditional sketches of some of my ocs :)#it just feels weird not making anything on my computer#like i get on here and i'm like '!!! time to make stuff !! :D' and then i start tapping through stuff and go 'ahhh right. nothin' lmaoo#//i have been playing viddy games which is nice :D#i don't like how once you get past the beginner stages most games throw ALL the notification stuff and ALL of the quests and EVERYTHING at#you at once fvfshv#like man i don't know what's going on!! what even is this !! [<- usually something that was explained that i forgot about]#why does everybody need 5 currencies and why do i even need to be bothered. the answer is i don't and i won't but i Do want to know what fo#//POW aight on my way now loll :> :D
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Actually I think Formidable is really similar to iomwiwy, so maybe that's why i immediately liked it so much
#they have the same themes of “i wanna go with you anywhere you go/don't wanna be without you”#the underlying anxiety in “i might be cynical towards you I'm just worried my loyalty will bore you”#and “the other half I'm only tryin to let you know that what i feel is true”#then there's also the parallel of “i don't wanna live without you/i could die with you”#and also sonically#like they have one or two of the same chords but just the whole thing even without the lyrics kinda has the same vibe#now that i really think about it they coukd even be in a dialogue like reacting to eachother#or two people from their povs about the same relationship#ofc iomwiwy is a lot more specific and formidable more general which obviously makes sense#i mean thler is singing about his marriage and taylor about a teenage summer crush probably#but i also like that they can both be interpreted in a platonic way as well#anyway what im trying to say is there are some similarities and i think it's interesting that two of my favourite songs from two of my#favourite artists are so similar and i never thought about it until now
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I was gonna say I forgot what I wanted to say
I think that it was probably about me needing to worry about stupid fucking braces But it could also be that I'm angy angy But it could just be anything
#sepiasys.txt#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#I WANNA BE PRETTY I WANNA BE HOT I WANT TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL AND MAYBE HANDSOME AND AISDBJKBDGWJ#I'm so mad I fucking hate existing I hate everything WHY DOES LIVING HAVE TO BE EXPENSIVE WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH MONEY JUST TO#LIVE A NORMAL FUCKING LIFE LIKE WHY THE FUCK AM I JUST TOTALLY FUCKED OVER WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO#Idk who I am idk what i am idk what I'm fucking doing anymore I feel like I am going to fall into an endless abyss again and again and agai#and that it will never get better because#everyhting#ajksdsbgkahwbeuibaewbjabera#I've been paranoid that my artist friends talk in dms about me and that it's obvious I want attention.#sepiasys.priv#It feels really fucking weird typing and using the tags when Im' supposed to be in denial =)#Or acceptance. Or whateber the fuck it is I'M SO FUCKING DONE WITH LIFE I WANT OUT#Me when I am at golden corral and say I dont wanna be here and then after a split second and shifted focus suddenly that thought feels far#away and like its mine and I made it happen but it's also not true and I dont feel like that but I DID feel like that#ANd right now I just. Don't want to exist#Praised be the fact I'm fucking going to sleep now I guess :/
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I don't talk about my spiritual worldveiw type stuff because I have been a wholehearted athaist from a very very young age and have a lot of emotions about it so i feel like I have a hard time being articulate about the subject and come off as an asshole or as disrespectful (mostly because the idea of a god really grates on the autism part of my brain and I can get irrationally irritated because it just. Doesn’t compute.). Which is a shame because I do like talking about it.
#val chats#I think atheism is really really cool and it actually makes me really happy that there's not a god or a divine plan or anything like that#we're just here!! like though this beautiful miracle of cosmic chance a rock landed in a sunbeam#in conditions so perfect we've never found another planet like it#and there was life!! and one aspect of that life became so complex it was able to perceive itself#and then we made societies and took care of each other and made beautiful and terrible things and advanced and advanced and advanced#just by learning from eachother!#we made vaccines and art and all of that good stuff#and one of those things is ME#like. wow. holy shit. we exist for no reason at all and still i got made and get to experience all of it#how lucky are we#idk it feels less special to me if it was on purpose#the fact that i met the love of my life due to a string of random acts that meant that thousands of pairs of humans had children together#in an unbroken line all the way back to before we were humans the way we would think of today#and now she exists!!!! as a result of that!!! shes here!! and for the same reason im here!!!#and because we were lucky enough to be these self perceiving creatures we need to feel like our lives have meaning!! and so we find meaning#in the fact that we love eachother!! and we love eachother because we're animals and it helps us survive#so many ways it could have turned out and the world turned out this way#it makes me sad when people talk about atheism like its something thats like. always grimly scientific or rationalist#or something ppl who believe in it wish wasnt true#its that way for some for sure but thats never been the way I've felt about it#atheism for me is this tremendously exciting artistic thing that fills me with love and hope and makes me so so greatful to be alive#rejoice!!!! we're just here!!! nothing after!! no plan!! we are animals!!! just animals!! and we've done so much!!! we'll do so much more!!
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I feel soo disconnected from the tiktok side of the fandom like I just feel like they're completely different from me & that feels weird considering I always thought I get along well with any person who is a swiftie
#bc swifties used to be a certain kind of people who were v similar to me personality-wise#& with taylor's popularity i feel like there are now also fans who are completely different from me#maybe that is the true reason why i don't like taylor's popularity atm idk#it's just that taylor was always the artist for me & the ppl who also felt like they don't fit in anywhere#& now she's popular among the 'popular' crowd & so i no longer feel like i fully belong into the fandom??? if that makes sense#although i'm ofc happy for taylor & her success#if that makes sense
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i think i need bts again.
#for years ive been firm of the opinion and the feeling#that bts find you when u need them most#and that was so true for me in 2016#all the way until 2020 ish#i needed them to hold my hand while i was growing up bc no one else would#and then i healed a bit and they did too#i got busy and so did they#and now im 26 and im a graduated artist with an office job#idk how to find the drive to make art.#i dont have inspiration or motivation#i need to do it but idk how#making art with bts was So easy#literal 7 muses with you at all times#i took a walk for the first time in forever#just 20 minutes to pick up a package#golden hour light#jimin's like crazy came on shuffle which is the first time i heard any of their voices in months#and i saw an art piece in my head#and then outro wings came on too#and idk#it was light and it was colors and sound and heart#i think now i need them to hold my hand again but as artists#i think if i listened to paradise or black swan rn it would break me#but maybe thats what i need#shut up matt#bts
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Having a relapse moment
#I was in the car on Tuesday being a nice and good person minding my own business listening to Icarus falls#then the album ended and it was playing lucky again so I continued my enjoyment but then! it started playing some Tate McRae song and idk wh#who that is so I skipped#and then I kept skipping and obv it’s on shuffle so it’s playing like random artists and suddenly it goes to stockholm syndrome…..#and oh did I listen and enjoy that song. so much that I started listening to made in the am and I was like oh I’ll just listen to A.M. the s#song and that’s it nothing more 🙅🏽♀️#obviously that’s not what happened and I’ve spent the last two days with that album on repeat and I do have some thoughts to share#I started with end of the day which I know I love and it brought me back to the days of working at speedway and it was just a nostalgia mome#moment but anyway right after that I started listening to iicf and good god what a snooze fest I made it ten seconds in and skipped and it m#made me so thankful to not be a larrie anymore bc I was pretending to like that song anyway#then I skipped long way down and then we get to the best part of the album which is never enough Olivia and queen herself what a feeling#and that is what the relapse is all about#what a feeling#I don’t think anyone received this song the way I received it I just cannot explain the things this song has done and continues to do to me#describe like I feel true happiness even now when I listen to that song#anyways now I’m going through the album and I think hey Angel the leaked version was so much better than what we have on the album and I do#remember being annoyed about that but then I heard what a feeling and it’s literally like Xanax to me so i didn’t gaf anymore#anyways also Olivia the song I’m annoyed that it got associated with Harry when Liam and Louis carrrrieeeeed that song all Harry does is the#chorus where there’s a bunch of music covering up his voice anyway so like??#idk why everyone was like this is Harry’s song it’s not lol#also drag me down sad excuse for a high note Harry does lmao I have to laugh it’s so embarrassing he really thot he could match zayn and we#all just let him and look at what we have now#ok I think that’s all my thoughts I just really needed to dump these somewhere#chhapa#also OH Louis in history literally made that song what it it’s so boring otherwise#it took me so long to memorize his solo but it’s sick mini bars and hotel rooms and good champagne and private planes but we don’t need#anything coz the truth is out I realize that without you here life is just a lie this is not the end we can make it you know it you know#I believed it because I think he did too 😔
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tags continued from prev post.
#and all of this is true while it is ALSO true that her songs age incredibly well#even debut or random soundtrack songs or endgame#whatever song people try to put on the worst Taylor songs list NEVER QUITE BELONGS#it doesn’t feel right. and to some extent occasionally in mercurial flashes I feel the same about her BEST songwriting list#I can never rank anything of hers ever because she can write better than she has written#if anything finds her own songwriting dead it’s what her future self will be able to achieve#and I think sometimes even the public can SENSE this about her and it’s part of why people are sooooo hard on her in a brutal way#and in a way they never are with other artists. who have reached the limits of their potential#Taylor has not reached the limits —that’s the simple way of saying it#in some way she is still figuring out the artist she is going to be#and I really do think that it is going to be absolutely astonishing#because in some ways (this is going to sound crazy) she is still distracted by her success and her tour#she’s NOT but I mean. the canon hasn’t been fully set free#there are still somehow things holding her back#and we’ve watched her outstrip so much of those early confines that fame and the business of the music industry strapped around her#we’ve seen her say ‘that doesn’t apply to me’#but actually she’s going to and she needs to and I believe she WILL continue to move into rarefied air#my mom helped me give me the final piece of this feeling (and it’s just a deep gut intuition/brain chemical thing for me)#when she said one day almost in mild exasperation: maybe one day Taylor will grow into a Dolly Parton#and something CLICKED#in my brain. and I don’t agree with my mom in terms of her non-interest in Taylor (as much as it has pained me to do so)#I think she’s worth loving and paying attention to now#but that gap that exists between people who love her and people who don’t (full time haters internet trolls do not interact)#I think it’s going to close with time as her work stretches out and out and grows and changes#like I think by the end of her career we are going to have something so astonishing#and to loop it back for a second to a previous thought. I think that’s why sometimes a taylor song can sound disjointed to me. because it#will hit the Depths of the Depth for a second. it will transcend and then it will go back to merely being an excellent pop song#those flashes are everywhere in her work but I think she is going to work and hone them into being conductors of light in a more steady way#the older she gets. does this sound INSANE. idk sometimes I think it does and then sometimes I think it DOESNt. so who knows. but yeah#it’s hard to say because I know it will read as more critical of Taylor than I mean it to be. when really I mean it with so much awe
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