#i feel unmoored
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there is no real meaningful distinction between Art and Craft, however i personally can only do the type of Art that is also extremely Craft. i need to make physical things with my hands and use tools and manipulate little objects and hoard all the specialized knives. otherwise i will start biting.
#this is not remotely a value judgment;#digital art is SO cool and i really admire people who can do it#but whenever i try it is like. viscerally uncomfortable for me.#i feel unmoored#i need Things#the more physical the process the better#so the papercraft is Extremely good enrichment for scribes#drawing with physical media is kind of fun#painting and calligraphy are better#but things that involve construction or assembly are where it's REALLY at#especially if it's somewhat modular or repetitive#printmaking. papercraft. hand-sewing. book arts.#just give me your most fiddly and tedious craft projects#i miss typesetting. typesetting was lit.#thinking about this obviously because i had the most wonderful time gluing all those tiny paper fragments down#this is probably the neurodivergency.
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I’m very good overall at staying grounded in the moment but girlies it’s getting harder and harder to not be aware of the uncertain future and the faltering in my hands trying to juggle of the present
#there are so many variables for what happens in the next three months and a lot of things I need to do and the like combo depression and#burn out has never been worse I have never felt so detached and uncaring about schoolwork it is uncharacteristic#I feel unmoored#also I’ve received a lot of complicated not great news today that I’m working through processing#and I’ve been on cold medicine constantly for a month so I feel fucking addled all the time#I only feel functional when I have immediate demands on me of public speaking or leading a group activity or project#the intrinsic motivation is gone completely
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HMMmmmm I'm considering doing a certificate program at my local university.
my formal education is all in illustration and evolutionary biology, whereas my writing knowledge has been mostly self-taught from reading books and thinking "hey, wouldn't it be funny if I made one of those!"
I don't think 'having a certificate' would help me in any way re: waving my education around for clout points, but it might make me understand books better. and also it'd be nice to be back in a class environment, where I might be able to make writing friends.
the cats have definitely skewed my idea of what's affordable though, because I'm looking at this like "hey, that's less than a Pangur hospitalization bill 😊"
#it'd be 7 courses over multiple semesters#I dunno! maybe it's because my broken leg severed a bunch of plans and I never picked them back up#but I've been feeling unmoored this year#just drifting around and doing the work necessary to survive but not much more than that#so maybe this program could help bring back my passion#is this a good idea???? it's not just a dumb waste of time and money right???
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You ever wonder why we’re here?
#ted lasso#ted lasso spoilers#tedlassoedit#flashing gif#m*ne#mine: lasso#teddy boy#k i think I’ve sort of gathered my thoughts a little#if this set even makes sense lol#he's just so unmoored.... (can't remember what he used to fight for)#(taylor always relevant)#but i feel like they've seeded all these little reminders of why he came and why he's stayed#that there's this community of people who need and value him#that there are things worth striving for#'you ever wonder why we're here coach?'#'in london or on earth?'#'well both i guess'#who is he after burning himself down last season??? what gives his life purpose and meaning now?#i'm excited to find out!!!
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sophia seeing cailan's body hanging there when they go back to ostagar, and suddenly all she can see even through the rot and the ruin is just how much he looked like alistair...... :'(
a mental image that totally will not haunt her through alistair's many years on the throne as rebellions and assassination attemps come and go. doesn't send her unhinged and unwise even a little
#I've never played back to ostagar before actually! getting some more delicious trauma for everyone#and also zev was there (affectionate)#oc: sophia amell#warden x alistair#dragon age#dragon age origins#the vibes are slightly weird in the dialogue in this dlc -- this uh. did not seem to be the relationship alistair and cailan had#such as it even was. but hey I got this angst out of it what more can I ask#I had sophia and alistair smooch on the platform place thingy where you meet him for the first time. I am a sap but I am free#what's that post about the unconquerable human spirit that's like 'despite all the horrors I am still horny' again. basically they're that#alistair is honestly The most pocket healed warrior of all time he's got two spirit healers who love him laser focused on him#at all times#(sophia switches between unleashing horrifying amounts of raw magical power on the enemy and going 'oh nooo let me see I'll fix it')#that boy is Protected. wynne and sophia glaring at you past his shoulders like 'he said no FUCKING pickles ok. last warning'#(actually probably sophia would glare at you from like. the height of his armpit; she's Short lol)#also partially why I had to change my canon b/c if alistair was left in the fade sophia would. she would quite simply end the world#long before solas had the time to. she would tear the veil to shreds to get to him. mind and circle mage restraint irretrievably lost#her greatest fear is becoming unmoored (which in many ways also means losing alistair) and everyone else should be afraid of that too#I do like how this playthrough is shaking out tho it feels like a more grown-up version of the story I told with them originally#more complicated and acknowledging the other forces pulling on them (when I was younger I liked the freedom of them both staying wardens)#but it just makes the 'we're sticking together *no matter what*' all the more satisfying and triumphant for me.#we'll find a way and if there is no way we'll fucking make it together :') and they do
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damn i missed you guys this has to be the first time in weeks that i've posted more than like 5 things in a day. i can't waaait for actual bayern tomorrow
#the next 4-5 months will be a delicate balancing act#and i will probably be very sporadically present#but it's important to me that you all know that your friendships mean a lot to me and i feel unmoored from parts of myself#when i can't be present/talk to you all#like obviously number 1 my individual friendships matter a lot to me#and number 2 i do feel that being on here has allowed me to be in touch with the european side of myself#without actually having to move to europe#which i always used to think i would have to do if i ever wanted to connect with that#anyway on that note i am using 'how easy would it be for me to temporarily move to germany' as a criterion for picking internships lol#so expect to see me there in 3-4 years#bella things
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jesus christ i feel weird like i can’t really comprehend
#i thought oh? a prank? i have misread?#1d own a chunk of my soul so to be truly honestly honest i feel unmoored! weird! can’t fathom!
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and i can go anywhere i want anywhere i want JUST! NOT! HOME!
#something something selling my childhood house something something feeling unmoored can't remember what i used to fight for#talia listens to music tag <3#my tears ricochet
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1) i am on holiday at the folk festival we go to in devon every year. it’s nice! i am listening to folk music and watching folk dancers and i have no signal during the day! i thought oh great i can do a mild digital detox!!!
2) england (and northern ireland? but afaik not scotland or wales so just saying the UK isn’t accurate) is in the middle of a spate of race riots and fascist pogroms. having no internet during the day means i get back to the place i am staying every evening. which does have wifi, and download all the horrible news to my brain at once.
3) parent unexpectedly in hospital today, trying to get updates with no signal, while sitting down in a tent watching morris dancers. absolutely absurd.
#it’s very unmooring!!!!!!#parent will probably be fine but it’s just been a LOT#and i feel guilty for being on holiday but???? like?????
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#feeling unmoored. feels weird. directionless i guess#i just dont feel like i have a purpose rn. like whats the point of all this? i dont kno#and my head feels so empty. like im not obsessed with anything. my brain isnt overheating and forcing me to do things for better and worse#its too quiet. i have to assume that's the medication bc its literally never been like that ever. but again it makes me feel unmoored#what am i supposed to do if im not being dragged forward by the force of my own compulsions? whats the point of all this?#im sure it doesnt help that im so self isolated. i just dont kno how to have friends. or reciprocate feelings#or feel happiness in a way that makes sense. maybe aiming for happiness is too high a goal. maybe the best i can hope for is to be occupied#and not completely miserable. i dunno. i dunno.#but i have to actually start looking for a job this weekend bc grades are due Tuesday and then im adrift#even more so than now. its just so frustrating bc i dont even want to draw in a way that ive never experienced. its like i just dont care#about anything and my time feels empty. i dont kno what to do. i hate this#unrelated
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It's almost exactly a week since I got back from my trip and boy howdy is it time to become grounded in my life again. I went back to work pretty much immediately despite jetlag, had minor dental surgery (as you do less than 72 hours after an intercontinental flight) and am not exactly feeling like I'm fully back home yet. Part of that is definitely the knowledge that I'm moving again so soon, but it's not time to lean into that restless feeling quite yet or I won't actually recover from all the excitement of the past few weeks.
#life stuff#yes i am talking to myself as a way of reminding myself what I need to be doing#i can't float around feeling so unmoored for the next few months#i need to have both feet on the ground and figure out my new normal even during this transitional period
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anonymous opinions you say? i think you’re really cool but in the english teacher that is definitely going through a divorce way
okay i take back my enthusiasm about the ask game . because it's suddenly getting a little too real 😭
we're doing the anonymous opinion ask game
#a#hitting a cig. i do feel like an English teacher going through a divorce#it's because i'm a student who's been going through a Medical Leave Of Absence for the past month. to be honest#my professional life is very unmoored rn however i do feel that my blogging has been at an all-time high. as a result of the disasters#we're experiencing a golden age. we need to appreciate & cherish my divorced blogger time because once school starts again we're FUCKED
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while I was ha ha hee hee-ing myself through law school, did I ever consider that one day I might actually have to prac—have to practice—practice law— I can’t even say it
#I’m such a lazy person#and I think it’s time I admit to myself I pursued a career in law based on ego and a desire for money#I feel so unmoored
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how do y’all imagine wyll reclasses after losing his warlock abilities if he breaks his pact with mizora? i can imagine the blade of avernus, for example, being an oath of vengeance paladin.
#i think depending on how u follow tht quest to its conclusion it makes sense#bc potentially he’s lost his father as well as having been cursed and maybe even had to watch Karlach die bc of zariel’s treachery#so a vengeance oath wouldn’t be surprising#even in my playthrough where his father lives and he and karlach go to avernus together#he still says his main goal is to kill mizora#and Justice can so easily turn to vengeance anyway#esp for someone like wyll bc he’s very unmoored by the end of the game#and has to reckon with a lot of repressed feelings#just realized this won’t appear in the fuckin. main tags#whatever#wyll ravengard#bg3#bg3 spoilers
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Rebecca (1940, dir Alfred Hitchcock) // Vievee Francis, "Apologia" (Excerpt) // Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca
#THIS WAS THE POEM BTW. that no one asked for but I am offering regardless <3 <3#''SHE LOOKED ALMOST TRIUMPHANT'' !#rebecca#just gonna tag this under#web weaving#for organizational purpose#has anyone else been ruminating over this scene for years or has it just been me#she is constantly reminded of how different she is from rebecca (wrt beauty wit boldness etc etc)#but in retrospect with this confession rebecca's negatively perceived traits such as selfishness#are intended to be the unspoken additional differences maxim et al see between them#but then she hears maxim's confession and as the shock wears away-- she feels something akin to giddiness#selfishness one could say!#a triumph at last--right there in the chamber. it does feel like she's echoing rebecca a bit#(even if it is a hollow triumph imo)#and do I even need to go into fontaine's acting here. just so good#rebecca is really one of the most interesting iterations of the bluebeard tale#the last wife does still die in a sense. but it is alongside her bluebeard as a pair of unmoored ghosts#while the story remains forever enclosed in the first dead wife's fist#I'm now thinking about that rebecca fanfiction I wrote as a teenager where the first and second wife meet#and maxim just wasn't there lmao. shows my priorities#anyway i'm forever fascinated by both ladies in this story goodnight and thank you#myedit#lit tag#🎬.mp4#it is the key that leads to the kingdom of the unimaginable
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i would like to thank thursday night hip hop class for making me feel human for 45 mins
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