#i feel terrible BUT the serotonin that comes with the fact that people actually did this outweighs the bad

[crush-like-that]

I forgot i had this link I'm so sorry these are literally MONTHS old 😭😭😭

thank you sm?? <33

hullo!!! <33

moop!!!

[jungshookz]

hwayoung’s two now and y/n’s allowed to be emotional about it, okay?

➺ genre; ceo!yoongiverse!! a little bit of yoongi and y/n being mushy for each other!! fluff!! cutest drabble for the cutest girl!! jungkook and jimin bickering like an old married couple as per usual!! 

➺ wordcount; 3.2k

➺ p.s. this drabble is approximately five months overdue and it’s basically been collecting dust in my drafts so i figured i’d finally release it into the wild since it’s mother’s day today and i thought it’d be nice to read something sweet on this special day!!!! happy mother’s day!!! give ur mom a big ol hug and a kiss on the cheek :-) and if u don’t celebrate mother’s day that’s okay you can still read this for a small boost of serotonin wahoo :D 

                                       »»————-　🍰　————-««

“i’d just like to inform you that if it wasn’t for the fact that today is hwayoung’s birthday, the idea of having cake as part of breakfast would definitely be off the table.” yoongi pauses before turning his head to look at you pointedly, “in fact, it wouldn’t even had made it to the table in the first place.”

“trust me, you’ve made that clear multiple times-” you roll your eyes playfully before offering yoongi a half-hearted shrug, “it’s not a big deal! we’ll just give her a tiny little chunk that’ll fit in her tiny little hand and then we’ll save the rest for later!”

“yeah, right-” yoongi snorts, making his way over to you to hand you a balloon, “you’re probably going to sneak an entire slice of cake into her mouth while i’m not watching-” he teases, digging his fingers into your sides playfully before wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you back against his chest, “you think you’re so sneaky-”

“hey-!” you giggle, squirming in his grip when you feel him starting to nip at the side of your neck, “this is not a very productive use of our time, boss-”

“hey, you two! are you just going to stand there making out all day or are you actually going to help me with the decorations?”

both you and yoongi peer over the edge to see jimin standing by the bottom of the spiral staircase looking very unimpressed and you flash him a sheepish smile 

“we’re not making out-” 

“yeah, well you might as well be-”

“we’re helping! we’re almost done tying balloons to the banisters-” you argue, holding the balloon in your hand up before flopping it around enthusiastically, “we-” you jolt when you accidentally let go of it, watching with wide eyes as it rockets around the ceiling before poot-poot-pooting pathetically and landing on the ground by jimin’s feet

whoops

“…yes, that’s very helpful, thank you.” jimin mutters to himself, shaking his head as he bends down to pick up the sad, spitty balloon up off the ground with a grimace, “when you’re done, come down and help me because this balloon arch isn’t going to make itself! chop-chop, people-” he claps his hands together as he wanders back to the living room to the half-constructed balloon arch

“you know, you’d think that hwayoung was his daughter-” yoongi murmurs lowly, twisting his neck to give your cheek a quick kiss before pulling away

“mm, tell me about i-”

“she’s mine when the two of you drop dead!”

you jump in surprise at the sound of jimin’s voice snapping at you from below and you and yoongi exchange glances before bursting into quiet giggles

“i feel like i should be more concerned that jimin seems to be very eagerly waiting for our deaths.” you joke, reaching for the bag of balloons and pulling out a handful of them

as much as you love your daughter you weren’t planning on having a super big birthday party for her just because..,., well, she’s probably not going to remember most of it considering she’s two and also it’s just the five of you celebrating at home, so you thought that a cake and a bunch of presents would be good enough of a celebration

of course, when you told jimin about these plans he looked like he was ready to bury you alive which is why he insisted that he’d take care of the food and the drinks and basically the entirety of hwayoung’s birthday party and told you that all you and yoongi had to do was sit back, relax, blow up a couple of balloons and also choose a cute birthday outfit for hwayoung

(jimin actually ended up taking over that part as well. he bought her a new birthday dress and a brand new pair of shoes to go with it.)

“everyone can relax! the star of the show has now arrived!”

the sound of the front door slamming shut suddenly shatters the silence and you smile lightly when you see jungkook sauntering in as if he owns the place

“good morning, kook.” you hum, jungkook looking up at you before offering you a lopsided grin, “actually, the star of the show is still fast asleep in her room.”

“oh, right-” jungkook snorts, dismissing you with a flick of his wrist, “i mean, yeah, of course this is hwayoung’s special day- but check it out! i picked up her birthday cake and brought it back here and i didn’t accidentally ruin it somehow!” he raises the big blue box in his hand with a beam, “i’m incredible!”

“that thing looks huge, jungkook!” you frown lightly, “i told you not to go crazy-”

“please tell me you didn’t max out my credit card buying a giant cake for hwayoung.” yoongi chimes in, leaning over and folding his arms atop the banister, “i hope you realise it’s just going to be the three of you having to eat it all-”

“it’s hwayoung’s birthday, i had to splurge! you know that ‘everything is cake’ trend? i ordered a custom cake and asked them to make it look like a giant cookie! but i also ordered a dozen chocolate chip cookies just in case she’s not into the cake.” jungkook smiles proudly before pausing, “…of course, knowing hwayoung, she’s going to love the cookies and the cake, so i’m not too worried. i’m going to see if i can shove these into the fridge-”

“what’s wrong?” yoongi nudges your side to get you to look at him, “you look like you’re thinking, which is never really a good thing-”

“hwayoung’s two now.” you blink twice before turning to look at yoongi, “she’s two.”

“yes. you’re very good at keeping track of our daughter’s age.” yoongi coos, reaching up to pinch your cheek playfully, “good job, baby.”

“two years old!” you gasp, turning around to lean back against the railing before shaking your head, “my god, she’s aged.”

“oh my god, you’re right. the ripe old age of two.” yoongi teases before gasping dramatically and reaching over to grip onto your forearm, “soon, we’ll be thinking about what elementary school to send her off to... and then the next thing you know, we’ll be helping her look for her own apartment when she’s off at university... and then you’ll be going wedding dress shopping with h-”

“stOP stop stop stop-” you wave your hands before covering them over your ears, yoongi laughing lightly when you frown at him, “i don’t want her to turn two! because that means she’s going to turn three… and then she’s going to turn four… and then five, six, seven, eight-” you pause and your eyes suddenly widen in horror, “she’s going to be a sixteen year old one day- what if she turns into a bratty sixteen year old?? because i was a really bratty sixteen year old and i don’t want her to turn out like me! do you know how hard it’s going to be if she turns into me? i used to sneak home at four in the morning-”

“let’s keep in mind that hwayoung is also my daughter and i was not a bratty sixteen year old,” yoongi interrupts calmly before giving your arm a reassuring squeeze, “she’s gonna be fine! and you turned out great, so give yourself a little bit of credit-”

“i just want her to stay two forever.” you pout, crossing your arms stubbornly as you look down the hallway towards her room, “is that too much to ask for??”

“when the terrible twos hit, i guarantee you’re probably going to feel a little different.” yoongi teases, pushing himself up off the banister before gesturing for you to go and join jimin and jungkook downstairs, “why don’t you help jimin out with the balloon arch while i go and wake our little miss two year old up?”

                                      »»————-　🍰　————-««

yoongi presses his lips together tightly as he twists the doorknob, being careful not to make too loud of a sound to accidentally shock hwayoung awake

the last thing he wants is for to burst into tears at the start of her special day

he peers into the bedroom, smiling fondly when he sees a little lump under the covers shuffling a little 

a chubby sock-clad foot pokes out for a second before it disappears again

“이게 누굴까요? [hm… who’s that]?” yoongi asks quietly, the lump suddenly freezing in place, “드디어 일어나셨네요… [i think someone’s finally awake…]”

he tilts his head when a messy head of hair pops out from under the covers, the corners of hwayoung’s mouth immediately lifting in a bright smile when she spots him, “우리 공주 좋은 아침입니다! [oh! good morning, miss min!]”

he lets himself into the room and reaches over to click the white noise machine off before starting to quietly pad his way over to her, his heart melting in his chest when her mouth opens up in a quiet little yawn

“잘 주무떠뜹니까… [gub moming…]” hwayoung murmurs, eyelids fluttering slightly as yoongi reaches down to push some of her hair out of her face

“잘 잤어? [hi, baby… did you sleep well?]” yoongi asks, leaning down to scoop her up, “우리 화영이 생일 축하해… 밑에서 다 기다리고 있어... [happy birthday, my darling… we’re all waiting for you downstairs...]” he whispers, rubbing circles into her warm back when she immediately clings to him, “머리에 물 좀 묻히고 내려갈까? 머리가 아주 산발이네. [why don’t we freshen up a little, hm? the birthday girl can’t take pictures with a bird’s nest on her head.]”

“딴바. [birb’s ness.]”

                                      »»————-　🍰　————-««

“i hope she likes the present i got for her.” jungkook mutters, his foot tapping anxiously against the ground as he looks up towards the top of the stairs in anticipation of hwayoung’s arrival, “i mean, if she doesn’t like it, there’s a receipt in the box so i can return it and get something else for her… but i really hope she likes it.”

“jungkook, she’s two. i gave her a wooden spoon to play with the other day and she was ecstatic.” you snort, peeling an eye open to look at him from where you’re lying on the couch before shutting it again, “i’m sure she’ll love whatever you got for her.”

“what’s the matter with you?” jimin hums, glancing at you for a second before focusing his attention back on sticking the bright pink ‘2’ candle onto the cake, “you look a little out of it today.”

“gee, thanks.” you snort, blindly grabbing one of the throw pillows before hugging it to your chest, “no, i’m fine, i just- i was feeling a little mopey this morning about hwa turning two and now i’m just thinking about how time has just flown by…”

“mm. it seems like it was only yesterday that i was holding your hair back while you violently puked your guts out into the toilet bowl.” jimin jokes, holding a hand to his chest before spinning around to face you and jungkook, “ah… fond memories that i’ll look back on for the rest of my life.”

“you know, i should’ve told yoongi i was pregnant in another way.” you suddenly change the subject, propping yourself up onto your elbows with a frown, “all i did was give him a tiny cookie. how lame is that?!”

“to be fair, you didn’t know how he was going to react, so maybe it was a good thing you went for something so simple!” jimin shrugs, making his way over to you before sticking his hand out for you to take, “c’mon, miss mopey. hwayoung probably doesn’t want to see you throwing yourself a pity party on her special day when she comes down here.”

                                     »»————-　🍰　————-««

“-화영이가 엄마한테가서 이쁜짓 해주는 거 어떨까? [-now, mama is feeling very emotional today, so i think it’d be a really good idea to act extra cute, okay?]” yoongi whispers to hwayoung, planting a quick kiss on her cheek while slowly making his way down the stairs, “of course, that probably isn’t going to be a problem for you, seeing that you’re adorable 24/7-”

“i adowbo.” hwayoung murmurs, leaning down and squishing her cheek against yoongi’s shoulder, “졸려. [i seepy.]”

“졸리다고? [sleepy?]” yoongi pauses on the steps, reaching up to adjust one of her pigtails with a smile, “이거 큰일났네, 졸리면 어떡해! [you can’t be sleepy for your morning conference. look alive!]”

“is that the sleepy little birthday girl?” 

yoongi looks down to see you waiting eagerly at the bottom of the stairs, your hands clasped together and your eyes glued on hwayoung, “good morning!”

“mama!” hwayoung immediately twists around in yoongi’s arms at the sound of your voice, reaching out for you with a teethy grin as soon as yoongi gets close enough to you

“oh, happy birthday, my sweet little baby!“ you coo as you take her into your arms, squishing multiple kisses to her chubby cheek as you hold her close, “happy happy birthday, my beautiful girl…”

“ahppa bouday!” hwayoung giggles, little hands patting against your face

she leans in and smushes her nose against yours before giving you a drooly kiss on the cheek and you can’t help but laugh at how affectionate she’s being with you

see??

you want to keep her like this forever and it sucks to think about the fact that one day you’re going to set her down on the ground after carrying her and you’ll never pick her up again because she won’t need you to pick her up again

:-(

“oh…” you sniffle, suddenly feeling your nose prickle and your eyes starting to get a little tingly, “i love you so much…”

you don’t get much of a chance to say anything else before hwayoung’s suddenly being plucked from your arms, both jimin and jungkook immediately starting to fawn over her as per usual

“우리 화영이, 공주님이 따로 없네! [look at how beautiful you are in your dress!]” jimin exclaims animatedly, hwayoung clapping her hands together in response

her dress is sage green and gingham and it even came with matching ribbons for her hair and you have to admit that jimin made a pretty good choice with this birthday outfit

you probably would’ve stuck her in a pair of overalls or something

“see, what’d i say?” jimin smiles proudly, smoothing down the back of hwayoung’s dress before looking over at jungkook, “i told you the sage green was cuter- 아니 빨간 걸 왜 입혀 뭐 애를 도마로 만들 생각이니- [the red one that you wanted to go with would’ve made her look like a picnic blanket-]”

“아니 도마라니! [red gingham is classy!]” jungkook argues, trailing behind jimin while making faces at hwayoung to get her to laugh, “입혀보지도 않고- [you didn’t even give it a chance-]”

“난 그딴 거 염두에 두지 않는다 정국아- [i don’t need to give tacky garbage a chance, jungkook-]”

“hey, are you okay?” yoongi gives you a quick hug and kiss on the side of your head when he suddenly notices a tear running down your cheek, “she’s just turning two, y/n... she’s not moving out of the country-”

“i know, i know-“ you sniffle, reaching up to quickly wipe at your tears before chuckling, “i guess i’m just feeling extra emotional today-”

“c’mon, parents!” jimin calls out for you two while setting hwayoung down in her high chair, “the candle is melting and this cake is too expensive to get any wax dripped on it-”

“gookee!” hwayoung points to the cake and claps her hands as she bounces up and down on her seat, “gookee, mama!”

“yeah! cookie!” you mimic enthusiastically, smiling widely when she suddenly lets out a high-pitched squeal of excitement, her nose scrunching particularly cutely, “i’m glad to see that you inherited my love for cookies and not appa’s love for muesli.”

yoongi immediately scoffs and reaches down to give your bum a quick swat

“i know she’s saying cookie, but i’m just going to go ahead and say that she’s actually saying the name of her favourite uncle-” jungkook sighs, reaching down to pinch hwayoung’s cheek, “화영이는 꾹이 삼촌 제일 좋아하- [uncle gookee is your forever favourite-]”

“어 응 뉘에- [yeah, okay, whatever helps you sleep at night-]” jimin snorts, shoving the camera into his hands as the four of you stand in front of hwayoung, “okay, don’t touch the cake yet! let’s get some pretty pictures of the birthday girl first!”

“hwa, look into the camera!” jungkook coos, snapping his fingers to get her to look up at him, “그래 삼촌 한 번만 봐 봐- [look at uncle goo- yeah, there we go-]”  

you watch hwayoung fondly as she continues to ham it up for the camera, her little legs kicking in anticipation under the tray

“good girl, you’re being so patient.” you hum before reaching over to pluck a cookie from the open box, “ooh, i’ve been dying to sink my teeth into one of these-” 

“i had one earlier, they’re pretty good!” jimin nods, brushing past jungkook to get to you, “the bakery i ordered them from has, like five out of five stars one google review- hey, what’s that face for?”

“eugh- do the cookies taste a little funky to you?” you face screws up as you swallow the bite before holding the cookie up to take a closer look at it, “it’s just chocolate chip, right?”

“yeah- hold on, lemme try-” jimin frowns, reaching over to steal your cookie before taking a bite of it and chewing thoughtfully

“maybe you just got a weird one?” yoongi suggests, peering into the box with a frown, “all cookies taste funky to me, so my opinion probably isn’t valid here-”

“it’s fine, i’ll try another one later-” you dust your fingers off before perking up and clapping your hands together, “hey, should yoongi and i hop in for some pictures before hwa completely destroys the entire cake?”

“yeah, it… might be a little too late for that.” jungkook clears his throat and the three of you look over to see hwayoung’s tubby arms shoved elbow deep into the cake, “i gave her the green light to go ahead and eat. she just looked so sad and hungry, i’m sorry!”

hwayoung cackles in glee as she continues slapping her hand against the cake, her grubby little hands now sticky and her new dress stained with globs of frosting chocolate

“oh my god.” you stifle a laugh and reach up to cover your mouth so that you don’t burst out laughing at the fact that both jimin and yoongi look absolutely appalled

“i spent, like, ten minutes doing her hair-” yoongi whines, gently nudging you aside so he can hurry over to hwayoung and try to salvage the neat little pigtails he spent forever working on, “and now there’s frosting everywhere!”

“that dress was expensive, jungkook!” jimin snaps, and if you didn’t know any better you’d think he was about to burst into tears, “and i didn’t even get any nice pictures with her before she- come on, man-”

“i’m sorry!”

“ahppy bodday!” hwayoung shrieks in delight and flings her arms up, chunks of cake and specks of frosting flicking out from her hands, “i adowbo!”

👔click here for more ceo!yoongi content (+ hwayoung!)

🎙️help me help you make your wishes come true (send me a request!)

✨why don’t you explore the rest of the library while you’re here? (full fics!)

💫or perhaps you want something shorter to read? (drabbles like this one!)

🌟or something even shorter? (teeny tidbits!)

[zozophoenixxx]

Serotonin Booster :D🐉

How to train your dragon edition

Here are some things I had forgotten or little details I just noticed on my rewatch, maybe even Unpopular Opinions 🤭👀

✨Defenders of Berk✨

Not Astrid being pissed bc Fishlegs called her mean lmaooo

OMGGG "I would never call my father ridiculous. I'm calling my chief ridiculous" THE POWER OF THIS SCENE

The way Toothless just sat to look at the sunset.. Me too bby me too 🥺

Toothless and Thornado's shots combined was amazing!

"The first rule about the dragon flight club is that there is no dragon flight club"

Istg Meatlug and Fishlegs are made for each other

Baby whispering deaths!

OMG THEY JUST CAME UP WITH GRONCKLE IRON

I love seeing the origin of things ☺️

Wowww I just realized that Gobber has a unibrow

Sandstone makes glass

That shiny black rock makes another shiny black Rock, it also has Meatlug boiling

WOW a combination of multiple rock makes Meatlug a magnet

The way Hookfang pays more attention to Fishlegs than Snotlout is funny

Fishlegs on Toothless!!!!

"TOO MUCH FURY, TOO MUCH FURY!" JAHDHDHAH

Awwww love how Fishlegs feels happy abt being needed

DAGUR'S BACK AHH

I never understood why Dagur called Hiccup his brother but it's kinda funny

Young hiccup actually fighting is pretty badass and that shield 🥴

The way they were all trying to get Gobber to shower lmaooo

Gobber saved Gustav's life and Fishleg saved Astrid's

Am I the only one that finds the whispering deaths kinda funny, like yes they're scary but these mfs have tiny wings, a big ass head, are covered in spines and can't see like-

Newly hatched whispering deaths can be more deadly that adults bc they can't control their jaws or spines

WOW WOW WOWWWW A WHITE WHISPERING DEATH - Titanwing whispering death with red eyes OMG NO NO THIS IS THE SCREAMING DEATH I KNEW IT ‼️‼️

Wow but the pain in Snotlout's eyes 🥺

Monstrous nightmares are stoker-class dragons

Fireworms get brighter the closer they get to each other

Ohhhhh now I get the history behind Hookfang and the fireworms queen's connection

"You're not just another sword, Hookfang"

Awww the fireworm queen saved Hookfang, I ship them now JSHDHSHS

BABY ASTRID!! 🥺🥺🥺 AWWW

Flightmare - follows the glowing algae caused by Aurvandil's fire, sprays a paralyzing mist to those who it considers a threat to its survival

Aurvandil's fire = Aurora Borealis

YES ASTRID BEAT SNOTLOUT UP

Hiccup: Well, you know, Astrid, uh, training dragons isn't the only thing I think about.

Astrid: Are you actually saying that to me with a straight face?

JAHSHAHAJAJ I SWEAR I LOVE THESE TWO the way both of them said these lines I can't ✋🏼😂

The way she said the exact same thing as her uncle and even took on the name I-

I have this headcanon that bc I'm pretty sure Astrid's parents were barely mentioned in the shows or movies that her uncle was the person that was there for her the most which is another reason why it upset her to see people making fun of him

Why does whenever Astrid gets shot by a dragon she always tries to hit it off like her axe is a baseball bat? 😂

Hiccup saving Astrid in the flightmare ep🥺🥺🥺🥺

GLOWY TOOTHLESS AND GLOWY STORMFLY AND GLOWY MEATLUG ARE ADORABLE

Awww I love how Hiccup makes sure to mention the fact that "Fearless Fin Hofferson was indeed fearless, just like all the Hoffersons" 🥺🥺🥺 STOP AND THEN SHE SMILES AND HE PROCEEDS TO PUT HIS HAND ON HER SHOULDER I-🥴🥴🥴

I love how they're always interrupted whenever they're about to say a bad word

Lil terrible terrors are adorable 🥺

The fact that what they were trained for was actually useful it's crazy

Astrid: "no one is kissing me on the lips ever!!" HHSHAHAH ASTRID WHY U LYING

I feel like we don't appreciate how smart Hiccup actually is, and I don't mean that dragon-wise or building stuff-wise I mean in general. I'm in ep9 and they're finding old dragon traps to get rid of them and there was a lil breeze and he was like "there's a dry hot wind coming in from the north. It hasn't rained in 2 months. This is definitely fire weather." like how- am I the only one that would've been like okok a nice warm breeze 😩

Dude the typhoomerangs are so scary and huge wtf

I KNEW HE WAS TORCH

Torch actually built a lil relationship with Tuff just for that but of time I love it

WE'RE FINALLY GONNA SEE THE SKRILL!! I love it it's one of my favorite dragons :D

I never understood why fishlegs says his name when he's excited

Skrills - The skrill was first found frozen, it's the symbol of the Berserkers, it can stay safely frozen for decades because of their internal body temperature, can't redirect any lightning if it's in the water 😳

Y'all the skrill and the nightfury have gotta be related somehow, they're probably like cousins or sum. I mean the night fury is the "unholy offspring of lighting and death" and the skrill can control lightning AND TECHNICALLY TOOTHLESS CAN TOO REMEMBER HTTYD 3 + they also have similar physical characteristics at least Imo.

Dude this dragon is so badass 😌🤩🥰😩🥴❣️🤍🤝 I'm literally so obsessed

Wow one of the first times I see the twins actually doing sum useful

The way the shots combine🥴

Dagur has misophonia - condition where people experience intense negative emotions for sounds such as eating, chewing, loud breathing or even repeated pen-clicking [ep11]

Oh wow so they originally trapped the skrill in this show i didn't know

Wait but baby Gustav is actually adorable wtf and the fact that he and Snotlout have matching Viking hats

OMG SEE NOW I'M SEEING GUSTAV'S ORIGIN WITH HIS DRAGON AND HIS DESIRE TO BECOME A RIDER

Fanghook🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Ruff puts fish oil on her hair to get "a greasy unwashed look"

Really hate when Snotlout doesn't accept no for an answer

THE HAND THING AHHHH I LOVE IT this time is Ruff and a scauldron

Ok guys so I did this with mi friend's puppy who I accidentally scared enough to make him piss himself and I'm pretty sure I traumatized him and now when I'm around the poor dog tries to get as far away from me as possible but one day we were kinda bonding although he still wouldn't let me pet it AND I DID THE HAND THING BECAUSE WHY NOT AND THIS LIL MF ACTUALLY PUTS HIS FACE IN MY HAND- I screamed and he left again🥺😂 BUT IT DID WORK

Scauldy🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰😌☺️🤩🤍

Ok but ruffnut with short hair 🤩

Speedstingers

Also the way Astrid ran up to Hiccup in the ep14

Wait but the scene whenever they're fighting the Speedstingers and Fishlegs says they're too fast but Hiccup's like "not for a nightfury" and then they show Toothless dodging the Speedstinger's attack AND THEN THEY SHOW HICCUP PROTECTING HIMSELF WITH HIS SHIELD WHICH GETS THROWN AWAY BUT RIGHT THERE TOOTHLESS CATCHES IT AND THROWS IT BACK TO HICCUP who's like "Thanks bud" 🤩🤩🤩 literally so badass go watch it!! It's ep14 frozen min 17:40

I really liked the relationship Snotlout and Astrid created with each other's dragon 🥺

HOOKFANG'S WINGBLAST AND STORMFLY'S SINGLE-SPINESHOT ARE HELLA BADASS... I love how they worked together this time 🥺

DUDE JAHDHSJAJJJSA ppl really underestimate Ruff's cleverness, this bish really gets Tuff to do the dumbest things just to enjoy looking at him hurting himself JAHDHSJAH😂

TOOTHLESS REALLY JUST BIT AN EEL'S HEAD OFF TO SAVE HICCUP🥺

Baby toothless is high🥺

"Uh, okay. That one was a little close to the one good leg" JAHDHAHSHA ISTG I LOVE THIS DUDE

Johan hates Snotlout for breaking his stuff

Tuff got Macey the Mace from Trader Johan

Astrid looks hot without her shoulder pads

Ok but Dagur looks so weird without his viking hat in this show

The baby thunderdrums are adorable - BING BAM AND BOOM

NOOO STOICK JUST LEFT THORNADO 🥺

OHHH SO ALVIN WAS ACTUALLY FROM BERK and he was Stoick's best friend

Snotlout and Hiccup are parallels of Alvin and Stoick

Ok but that trick Snotlout did was amazing, he really had Hookfang do a lil typhoomerangs move and then the wingblast🤩

I FINISHED IT OMG NOW ONTO RTTE!!

[floraljae]

THE ART OF LOVING A VILLAIN | One

Pairing: Lee Taeyong x female reader

Themes: Hero x Villain dynamics, enemies to lovers, Hero!Taeyong, Villain! Reader, secret relationship, angst, fluff, Top tier (shitty) anime betrayals you people are going to beat me up for

Warnings: profanity, the villain is dumb, mention if a minor injury, blowing things up for funsies

Wc: 1.1k

Taglist : @jenophilia @sassyong @tenhyuckie @moanwalk @sicluvz @yutaalove @bluejaem @fullsunfluff @a10vely-yutazen @hhyungsuk @mirohtron @cupidtaes @adoreateez @at-the-end-of-your-letter @junglewoos @heephoriia @cofhees

Networks: @/ficscafe @neoturtles @kpopscape @whipped-kpop-creators @nct-writers @czennienet @kokonomi

Summary: Yet another forbidden rendezvous and you are try to figure out what you exactly feel about your lifelong nemesis.

Alternatively, illustrated band-aids from Taeyong make you feel questionable things.

A/N: I just hate how I love and hate this fic so much. @mirohtron is to blame, the reason I am stuck in my eternal hero x villain feels. I love writing this more than anything. It's quite personal as it reflects a lot of things I personally felt about the world around me haha.

This entire series is dedicated to @lebrookestore, a simp I l*ve with all my heart (even after what she does to me with all her fics ;-;)

The breath you were holding in for what seemed like ages escaped your lips. It was long, exhausted- a little frustrated, even. You hated waiting. And if it were the roof of just one of the thousands of skyscrapers in Seoul, the annoyance was definitely a little more. Waiting alone in those uneventful places was nothing but a mere waste of your time. There was nothing small enough to ruin or blowup for funsies, and you weren't heartless enough to blow up a whole building just out of sheer boredom.

It had been a tiresome day already. You'd attended classes, fed some cats on the way back to your lair and put up yet another power show to let people know they still had something to be afraid of. The air was unnervingly humid today, and your suit had stuck to your torso as if it were a drowning person who didn't know how to swim- holding onto a log of wood for dear life. Weird comparison (or metaphor, you couldn’t be arsed to even get it right), but you weren't the most poetic person.

You wondered how Taeyong would describe it. Sticky? Ew? You didn't know. He was one unpredictable being, well at least when he wasn't in his superhero suit (figuratively, he was just dumb and tended to miss a lot of shots when he puts on the crimson and black piece of clothing). Maybe he would just come up with a random word and try to make you believe it was real. He couldn't possibly lose to a villain! And especially not after what you did today. You could bet that the first thing he was going to do was sulk about you almost burning his perfect eyebrows to ashes during today's face-off.

You loved to see your enemy getting all riled up more than you'd admit. Maybe it was the villain inside you speaking. But his desperate attempts at winning an argument or the pout when he complained about causing the least damage to you were just too serotonin inducing.

When did he become such a big part of my life- you smile to yourself.

Truth to be told, he always had been one of the biggest parts of it. Whether you wanted to admit it or not.

"I'm sorry," a voice trails off right behind you, breathless, "I got-"

"Stuck in a bad traffic," you complete his sentence, your tone mocking and eyes trained on the night sky. The statement was his go-to excuse for when he’d show up late- which was almost every other day.

"Too busy trying to pick out a nice bandaid for you."

He corrects, leaning against the railing. You almost scoff at how cocky the hero sounded. You were supposed to be the cocky one here.

"Whatever."

And with that, for what seemed like an entire eternity, the both of you spent the time together in silence. He didn’t dare to mouth a single word- and neither did you. There was no malice behind what any of you wanted to say; but you didn’t even know what was holding you both back. It was becoming a habit, to be honest. Well, not in general because you still were very vocal about your own opinions everywhere else-- but not in the (almost regular) meetings with your arch nemesis.

Ironic how the both of you had so much to say when the cameras were flashing and the world he tried to protect watched. So many curses, insults, edgy slash extremely cocky remarks and frustrated warnings. But at times such as right now, your mind felt like a blank slate that had never been touched. It was comfortable though, no malice, no screaming- just comfort and some sort of warmth you hadn’t felt in ages.

Well, you were always the kind of person who thought, thinking before speaking was highly overrated (that too, was a product of capitalism in your opinion). And thus, you figured staying quiet at the forbidden rendezvous with your arch nemesis would be the best thing. He was a servant of the so-called good, after all. Righteous, sophisticated, well known and way too fragile for your own good.

“Everything’s okay,” you hear him break the silence.

“Huh?”

The hero smiles, spinning around on his heels to point at your surroundings.

“Intact, not a scratch!”

And as if the small toothy grin he’d been sporting was infectious, you felt a sudden urge to break into one as well. Anyone would mistake him for just another college student if they saw him like this, in a pair of washed denim and a shirt that he must've been wearing for the past ten days. More so, it would've been terribly difficult to believe that the otherwise calm and composed public charmer Onyxate talked like a kindergartener, always fumbling or just too excited to even properly finish his sentences at times.

“What is that supposed to mean, mr. onyxate?” you ask, biting back a smile.

Disappointed, the hero clicks his tongue. He grabs hold of your wrist, spinning your frame around as well. The brunet scans the surroundings again, “You actually didn’t blow out a single thing! That is some progress, I say.”

You scoff at his remark, “I am not that heartless, mr. hero.” But deep inside, you did know it was some kind of a progress, and of course, you wouldn't tell him that.

He chuckles, but doesn’t remind you of the time you did, as a matter of fact, had blown up a nearby water tank while waiting. He was like that, Taeyong loved believing in a better present- rather than an awful past.

The comfortable arms of silence yet again engulfs you into a warm hug. Taeyong silently studies the cuts on your hand, his slender fingers carefully caressing them. You almost let out a sound of sheer amusement as he finally takes out a few strips of band-aids he took so long to buy, the infamous printed medigrip ones for kids (that too the ones with spongebob on them), rips the adhesive, and focuses on nursing the now dry cuts.

You then look up to catch a glimpse of Taeyong’s face, just to find the moonlight washing his features in all its grace. Faint neon lights from the buildings surrounding blending with the moonlight to create hues across his profiles.You stop to admire his countenance and insides alike, thinking how someone could be so kind even to their enemy.

He was so pure, so charming. He had those beautiful brown eyes. The ones that were like a mirror which knew nothing but to reflect his innermost emotions, the ones that knew to see the best in everyone- including you, a villain who had spent more than half of her life cursing all things good. His trained hands were still gentle and soft unlike any other hero you had ever known. Tears well up in your eyes. And for once what seemed like a lifetime- you decided to let yourself get overcome with emotions.

He was the kind of person anyone, including you, couldn’t help but fall for, the kind of person you’d want to hold close to yourself, no matter what.

And it was at that moment that you realised that it wasn’t hate that you felt towards him, but admiration.

© FLORALJAE, 2021

[oh-no-my-hand-slipped]

You answered my last request with wondrous results, so I come to you again oh great writer and ask, have ye any prompts for a character who looks big and intimidating but is actually soft and shy?

(you're amazing, your prompts give me much serotonin, hope you're having a good day and enjoy making your writing as much as we love reading it!)

I wish you could see the schoolgirl kick and giggle I did reading this…thank you…

*looks at my notecards while hiding my blushing face behind them*

Alright, alright…sex…no, shy, there we are. And then…ah, yes, perfect! Soft but outwardly intimidating:

The right hand man (or woman/person) of a well-known criminal is a force to be reckoned with. They are big, strong, and always looks like they are planning their next murder. Even other people in the business are intimidated by them. However, everyone close to them knows that in any social circumstance that doesn’t involve bashing someone’s head in, they don’t have nearly as much strength or confidence. That’s why after waking up with a terrible head cold, the second in command of the most terrifying criminal in the city is afraid of causing too much trouble by calling in a sick day.

Someone has been told all their life to quiet down, to be gentle, to not take up too much space. Therefore, despite their physical size, they have trouble allowing themselves to assert their own existence. One day, their partner brings home a bouquet of flowers to spruce up the house - which the other is unfortunately allergic to. They try to stifle and swallow their sneezes, but it soon becomes to much. They let out desperate, wrenching sneezes, apologizing before every hitch. Their partner shushes them, and gives them the space to be as loud as their nose needs them to be.

The lord (lady/master) of a mansion is known for being a strict, stubborn fellow, and whose demand for good work ethic applies most of all to themselves. Their main butler carries out most of their orders, as their large frame and strong muscles come in handy. One morning, the butler walks in to find their master battling a fierce case of the sniffles, but losing miserably. With a sense of softness the butler rarely shows, the lord is taken care of, whether they allow it or not.

A couple both come down with a cold. The much smaller of the pair, A, gets it first, but recovers within a few days due to their partner’s, B, attentive care. However, almost as soon as A feels better, B joints begin to ache and their nose starts to run. By the next morning, B is completely bedridden. A is determined to take care of them, and tries their best - however, due to B’s size, it’s hard to give them the care they need. B keeps quietly saying that they’re alright, and that A doesn’t have to go through all the trouble, but there is no convincing their small but mighty partner.

Despite what you may think, the petite A is actually dominant in the bedroom, while the near-giant B is almost always submissive. One day, they decide to try something different with a feathery toy, which accidentally tickles B’s nose in just the right way as to prompt an enormous, uncovered sneeze. They are, of course, beside themselves, and profusely apologize. But A explains that they aren’t upset…in fact, they may have found a new way to tease them.

[bittermuire]

A (long) analysis of Azriel,

+ a bit of discussion about Gwynriel vs. Elriel at the end.

Lately I’ve seen much discussion surrounding Azriel, and there seems to be a lot of hazy gray area. We know he has a terrible past, carries a lot of trauma, is both mentally and physically scarred, and has disturbingly possessive habits. But why? That’s the question.

I think most of Azriel’s character can be filtered into three sections: his anger, his possessiveness, and his self-loathing. Altogether I believe these form his crippling sense of emotional immaturity, which ultimately shines through most every action he makes in the books.

So yes, I firmly believe Az is a child in the body of a 500 year old Fae. But is he treated as such? No. No, he is not. In fact, he’s treated as the exact opposite, and that can’t be doing wonders for his mental health (which is already in shambles. Off to a cheery start.)

Let’s take a look at his past. He was both mentally and physically abused for the majority of his childhood. Then he was thrown into an unforgiving culture that both mentally and physically abused him as well. Then he was essentially bullied by Cassian and Rhysand for quite a while... until they randomly decided to like him, which is a choice he didn’t seem to play a hand in. And then he became a professional torturer. All the while falling madly in love and becoming obsessed with a female who can’t love him back. Not to mention he’s been ostracized his entire life.

(One big thing though, that I’m going to reference frequently, is Azriel’s constant chase of “happiness.” Kind of like my friends with ADHD. We squeeze all the serotonin we can get out of one thing and then fall into a listless, depressed haze until we find another. I honestly think Azriel does the same thing with people--he latches onto them and lets his mood swings rely on how much attention they do or do not pay him, and whether it is positive or negative.)

So I’m going to go through his relationships with pivotal characters and try to explain what I think is really going on with Azriel.

Regarding Mor:

He was obsessed with her for most of his life. He was incredibly possessive of her and fell instantly in love upon seeing her. Do I think it was love? No. But does Azriel think it was love? Yes, and that is so important. It shows how desperate he was for human connection.

This “love” spiraled into centuries-long obsession that we’ve all seen play out throughout the series. But why is it obsession, and not love? Well, I’m going to go ahead and say that Azriel doesn’t know how to love. He’s never been shown genuine love and so he doesn’t know how to show it to others in the way he intends. He’s basically a baby.

But right after he falls head over heels, Mor sleeps with Cassian, and then Cassian plays the role of the buffer between the two of them all the way up until the events of ACOSF. This is where I think Azriel’s anger comes into play. He can’t get to Mor. His best friend, his brother, is blocking him from her. He can’t touch her, love her, feel her, and he’s so desperate to. But he literally has no way to communicate it because he doesn’t know how, and so he responds in the one way he’s able: anger. And jealousy. And intense protectiveness that eventually begins to translate as possessiveness.

Again, he lets his happiness rely on Mor because he can’t make himself happy, and so his lack of emotional maturity ends up revealing him as desperate and unable to communicate his feelings of inadequacy and frustration. I’m not trying to justify his behavior, not at all. But I think this could be a decent explanation.

Regarding Cassian and Rhysand:

I mean... I kind of hate the way these two have treated Azriel. They all have their fair share of trauma, but Cassian and Rhys also bullied him and ostracized him, and then basically said, “Oh, we like you now.” Which completely leaves Azriel in the dark as to where he stands with them, and strips him of awareness regarding how his friendships with them will operate.

And then he becomes the head of espionage for the Night Court, which involves lots and lots of torture. What kind of message does that send? You’ve seen dirty things, Az, so you don’t mind doing the rest of the dirty things for us, right? That’s the only real message I can get from this. Which then plants the message in Azriel’s head of: Not only do I do dirty things, I myself am a dirty, disgusting thing. Thus, furthering his already deep-seated sense of self-loathing.

Plus, the IC generally operates with a pack-like mindset. One person’s method of healing is everyone’s method of healing. It worked for one person, so it worked for everyone. It’s a very naive mindset, and very toxic as well, so it’s not surprising that literally everyone in the IC is colossally messed up despite preaching themselves as having overcome their demons.

So Azriel never really gets to understand himself and mature as a person. He’s stuck pretending to be perfectly fine underneath Rhysand’s oh-so-benevolent and compassionate hand. Rhysand and Cassian recognize Az as being a little... odd, by seeming to think things like “he’s the quiet one” and “he’s the serious, scary one.” But do they attempt to understand him? No. They leave him to his own devices and let him figure it out himself.

That’s the issue. He’s not ever going to figure it out himself, so long as he’s surrounded by the people who’ve been unwittingly suffocating him for most of his life.

Regarding Elain:

Azriel’s infatuation with Elain, in my opinion, comes as a direct result of his detachment from Mor. Just like one hyperfixation fades quickly from an all-consuming thing to a passing thought, Azriel has shifted from one obsession to the next, in order to keep his spirits on a high.

But I think his feelings for Elain reveal a lot of what Mor did not. Why does he view Elain as so holy compared to him? Why is he so hesitant to touch her? Why does he put her on such a pedestal? That’s his self-loathing coming through again. He hates himself so much that he has to place her above him.

He wants to touch her and love her, just as he did with Mor, but again he is unable. It's a repeating pattern that he can’t get himself out of.

Let’s also look at the way Elain and Azriel’s friendship/relationship began. He had to take care of her, and treat her with utmost respect. She looked at his scars or his siphons, both monstrous looking things, and called them beautiful. Let’s remember that he’s basically a child who’s rarely known genuine love. The minute he gets a glimpse of it, he’s going to grab it by the neck and crush it to his chest. Plus, the fact that she’s the last sister left unattached and he’s the last brother left unattached is probably even more convincing for him that he and Elain are meant for each other. When he’s denied this love that’s come nearly close enough to grab, he responds in the only way he’s able: anger. And jealousy. Just like he did with Mor.

But moving on, that glimpse of potential love comes from Elain. That’s why he’s able to let go of Mor; a relationship with Elain suddenly becomes possible. He’s terrified of ruining this potential love and is incredibly drawn to her all the same. Best of all? She wants him too.

BUT. Azriel knows how fragile Elain is, so he walks on glass around her, coddling her, putting her first like he’s put everyone else first since being a part of the IC. I think he wants to save her from becoming like him. He essentially plays the role of her white knight, entirely losing his sense of self-preservation (not that he ever had one), and thus loses any chance of letting Elain help him mature in return.

Regarding Gwyn:

Now, Gwyn is a different story.

We know Azriel likes her. Maybe not in a consciously romantic way, but he likes her. She makes him smile and laugh, and he finds her amusing. He doesn’t have to walk on eggshells around her.

The big thing, I think, is that he doesn’t have to take care of her. At least, I think that’s what makes him so comfortable around her. With Gwyn, he can relax, and he doesn’t have to watch every move he makes. She treats him like a regular person and he treats her similarly.

Now, is it a bad thing that he doesn’t put her on a saint-like pedestal like he does Elain? No. Definitely not. I think this ordinary friendship signals a much healthier relationship than his festering obsession with Elain. Gwyn simply being his friend and not someone that he feels he has to be perfect for is a good foundation for Azriel growing as a person.

Gwynriel vs. Elriel (the necklace):

Honestly, I’m scared for whatever SJM decides to do, because Azriel has a shitload of trauma to move past and years worth of emotional growth needed before he can be a steady partner in a relationship. Both Gwyn and Elain’s character arcs are definitely not finished and so I think that no matter which way his narrative goes, it’s going to be disappointing in some aspect or another, unfortunately. I don’t think that either one of the females’ arcs really fit well with Azriel’s.

But I’m going to take a closer look at the necklace, because I think it’s a telling narrative point.

For Azriel, the necklace for Elain and Gwyn herself, are both “thing[s] of secret, lovely beauty” to him.

By describing the necklace for Elain as such (instead of Elain herself), Azriel unconsciously reveals his more idealistic view of Elain rather than his love for Elain herself. I kind of get the sense of Azriel giving offerings to a goddess, or something like that. He seems to be more preoccupied with appeasing Elain than actually loving her.

Now, this probably comes from, again, his self-loathing and his emotional immaturity. I’m just repeating myself at this point. He doesn’t know how to love himself and he doesn’t know how to love anyone else.

But then he describes Gwyn as such. Gwyn, the person. In my opinion, this demonstrates a potentially much healthier relationship than what he has with Elain. Azriel, instead of wanting to be perfect for Gwyn and wanting to appease her, is simply made happy by the thought of her. It is Gwyn whom he is taken with, not the idea of Gwyn loving him. And so that takes off so much pressure for him, and introduces the hope that he might be able to mature as a person in a friendship or romantic relationship with Gwyn.

Closing thoughts:

Azriel is a blundering, hormonal child desperate for love with no idea of how to get it, in a 500 year old Fae’s body. He’s also surrounded by people who refuse to address his clear issues... his future’s pretty dim, and I think he realizes it. Which is why whoever SJM chooses to be his romantic interest is going to be very important.

In short, I’m scared for what’s to come. But fingers crossed that his incredibly complex character is done justice.

[rabidpotato]

I have Castlevania brain rot send help

Ho boy. I have FEELINGS.

Season 4 spoilers and (longwinded) Discourse(TM) below the cut

A happy ending? In MY Castlevanias? It’s more likely than you think. With as grimdark as the series has been I fully expected to have my heart torn out and shat on, so to get an actual satisfying happy ending was a whole lungful of fresh air. Gimme that sweet sweet rush of Everybody Lives Nobody Dies, I need that shit pumped straight into my poor serotonin-starved brain.

What a hell of a season. There was enough material there for at least two seasons (and I would have LOVED to have two seasons, but that’s just because I’m greedy and want more…) and I was skeptical that they could even try to wrap up all those threads..and then they DID IT. Hot damn.

Hot Takes:

In this house we stan Greta and will tolerate no disrespect against our sword-and-hammer wielding queen. I love her, and I love her and Alucard’s dynamic with the deliberate parallels to Dracula and Lisa. I think she’s good for him.

TREVOR AND SYPHA UGH I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH I’m out here crying ugly tears at how much this stinky himbo and tiny nuke love each other ;______; Battle Couple OTP.

I would watch the shit out of an entire season of everybody building the new village and Trevor and Sypha learning how to be parents and Alucard and Greta getting closer and everybody just being HAPPY. This is because I am trash, not because there would actually be any storytelling value in such a thing. Same thing with onscreen kisses between Trevor and Sypha. Is it necessary? No. Doesn’t mean I don’t want it. But hey, that’s what fandom is for, right? I’ll just be over here drawing beetus-inducing fluff and being vaguely disgusted with myself.

Papa Trevor would be so soft. I think my ovaries just exploded.

I 100% expected Trevor to die and leave Sypha grieving and pregnant with the way they teased it in the trailer and the way it would have thematically fit with the rest of the series, and I am SO GLAD he didn’t. I’m tired of sad endings. I really love that he gets to be part of this world of people who know how to build things.

“I love you.” “I know.”

That single flash of Sypha’s face as he’s fading out knowing he’s going to die and being at peace with it, augh my fucking heart. T_T

Horse is secret MVP. That horse knows things.

Isaac confirmed for a) stand user and b) monster fucker. King out here living his best life, you love to see it.

But for reals tho, Isaac’s arc was one of my favorites. Nice fakeout with the conquest line in the trailer. The philosophical discussions on the nature of humans and night creatures, the way he comes to realize that he (and Hector, and by extension his own night creatures) is/are more than a tool to be used in the hands of others, the way he reclaims his own agency and decides he’s going to live...I fucking loved it. (Also paves the way for post-series forgehusbands…)

SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR STRIGA AND MORANA. I was holding my breath expecting them to get horribly killed the entire time and then they just...weren’t. The hot vampire wives got to literally ride off into the sunset (sunrise?) together, in a way that made sense. The General and the Organizer looked at the data on the ground, discussed, and made the calculated decision to stick with what really matters to them, not just Carmilla’s ambitions. More of this, please! Would have loved to see Striga fight more than once, though. Also I would shank a man for Morana’s cape.

Respect for Carmilla for going out on her own terms, even if it did feel a little heavy-handed. The cinematography of her and Isaac’s fight sure as hell made up for it though- that was one of the prettiest fights of the series.

Reunited trio’s fight was the other prettiest fight of the series. Holy fuck, what gorgeous animation.

I actually liked that St Germain’s lady friend never spoke- it reinforced the way that he has mythologized her to the point where she’s not even a person, just an ideal. It was also exactly what he deserved that she turned her back on him in the end. She’s just not that into you, bro.

Varney is a hoot. A greasy, flea-infested slimy hoot. Nice twist, too. Death’s design is *chef kiss*

Loved the themes of moving on and rebuilding and change and how there’s a pretty clear split between the people who are able to adapt and change (and live), and those “relics of the old world” who can’t or won’t. Ratko was criminally underused in this respect. I think there just wasn’t enough time.

Quibbles:

Pacing. I know Castlevania is notorious for uneven pacing, but in this case I think this is on Netflix- they should have been given a full two seasons to wrap this up, just to give things a chance to breathe. As it was, though, I think the writers did the best possible job given the constraints they were under.

Zamfir should have lived to learn the lesson about caring for the people who are still alive, and been the one to take charge of rebuilding Targoviste for the living. Having her die was straight-up pointless in a predictable way.

Did Trevor just straight-up forget he has TWO weapons with range when fighting Ratko? You have like a 30 foot reach what are you doing bro

Lenore is Problematic, and I wish there had been more tension between her and Hector. Like, I know Stockholm Syndrome is a thing, but he’s weirdly chill with her in a way that glosses over just what she did to him. Also I would have liked to see more self-awareness of “Oh, being a pet in a cage really is shitty, no matter how nice the cage. Now I know why what I did to you was wrong” before she dips. Her ending sure was poetic, though.

Wasn’t Trevor’s left arm broken in that last fight? How the heck is he even able to use it at the end? Also damn dude it’s been two weeks you should probably at least have washed those gaping wounds by now. Do you want sepsis? Because that’s how you get sepsis.

Unpopular Opinions:

Look I love Dracula/Lisa as much as the next shipper but “Hey we’re alive again for some reason!!” was totally out of left field. It felt like something out of a fix-it fic and it was just kinda baffling and jarring. Also go see your fucking kid, jfc you two are terrible parents.

Is Lisa just...kinda fine with the fact that Dracula tried to commit genocide in her name and almost killed their son? That must have been an awkward conversation.

I’m actually cool with Alucard spilling his life story to Greta on the march. He’s starving for human interaction, who’s to say he wouldn’t just want to TALK about what he’s been through? It’s treated in a way that’s a bit flippant for my taste, but we’ve seen enough of his trauma onscreen. I want to focus on his healing.

I’m hesitant to kick this particular hornet’s nest, but I really don’t think the ot3 has to be sexual? If it is, it damn well be an ot4 polycule with Greta. I see them more as two couples that are close friends and found family. But that’s the great thing about fandom! Rock on, shippers of all flavors, there’s room enough for everybody.

In Conclusion (jesus fuck how much did I write)

Castlevania pretty

Have you seen my braincell I think I misplaced it

Moar plz

[jadienjaystoriesandart]

I just got done watching a video that pointed out how a couple in a book series I read is bad for each other. Thus, after that trip and long conversations with my fellow fanders IRL I’m going to be picking apart couples in this web series and why some would work and others wouldn’t. 

This will be Part 1

Now keep in mind this is just my personal opinions from what I’ve read and what I’ve seen. Some of it is delving into Fandom area but others will be what we see in Cannon as well.  Sometimes couples I like will be ones I pick on because objectively they just aren’t good for each other. 

With that in mind let’s get started with the most well known couples.

Prinxiety (Roman/Virgil) - Everyone's favorite couple to either put through so much angst that I think these people either are really moody or have went through alot of shit. Like seriously, the amount of angst you find just is astonishing... And sometimes very unrealistic, but I digress.  But, though I like this couple in some instances, I find their relationship to be toxic and unreliable. 

Take into account their personalities in the series. Roman often shows his love by belittling or insulting a person. A thing we as fanders know to be because of his own insecurities. Now in comparison to self loathing and hating Virgil, who just takes it and even contributes to it. Regardless of if it’s just Virgil’s sense of humor, that still doesn’t make it right. How many friends do you know that insult you or don’t help you see the good in you. I can’t think of many instances where Roman, like Patton, would pick up Virgil after he tries to self-hate. Patton actively, though in a babying way, at least tries to tell Virgil he’s wrong about his hate. Which as we see takes our anxiety friend by surprise. 

Also there is the fact that Roman, as we saw in SvS Redux, really needs someone to be there for him. Virgil however also needs this. And this implies that if they were to be together it’s just be a struggle to get anywhere.  Not to say it couldn’t work, but it’d take alot of time. Roman would need to be more confident in himself and not take it out on others. And Virgil would be to be confident also and stop taking harsh words and such lying down. ‘

Though it is clear from the newest asides they do care about each other. 

All around a couple that has some issues that would make a romantic relationship hard. Platonic sure, I can see it because it works, but not romantic as neither I feel would suit the others needs. 

Logicality (Logan/Patton) - I do actually love this pairing, it’s cute and fluffy at times when the fandom puts them together. Not alot of angst I’ve found despite being popular couple number 2. However, with how the cannon portrays them to each other, they won’t work as a romantic couple in real life. 

To explain, Patton is very controlling, we see this through out the series. We know he doesn’t mean to be sometimes, but clearly being the side Thomas listens to the most, means he clearly has alot of power in the mindscape. Logan, by contrast, is very cold at times and very distant when it comes to his feelings or expressing them. Something he needs to work on. 

Several times we see Patton trying to force Logan to do things he doesn’t want to. The episode I feel this is highlighted in the most is Learning New Things About Ourselves. Logan isn’t one to just open up about things like how Patton, Roman, even Virgil are. Being these sides deal the most in feelings of many times.  Logan himself is a logical side, he things critically and prefers facts to solve problems. Patton however is very open and very feeling. And tries through out the episode to get Logan to express. Logan clearly is reluctant to do so, because it’s not his area and it’s not his thing. 

With people like this you can’t force them to open up, you can’t force them to express to you. It’ll just end terribly when you do and can even push them farther away. Which is what I think if happening with Logan.  Throughout this episode Logan expresses faintly that he doesn’t want to be see as a ‘Joke’ to them, because after all he’s logic. But the other keep disregarding him. Something it feels they are even guilt tripping him into it. Though we do see that Thomas tells them not to force Logan. 

To sum it up, Patton and Logan as a couple would be a rocky one at best because Logan can’t emote well and Patton can’t back off well. Both need to learn this because they could be a couple. 

Dukceit (Remus/Janus) - We don’t know alot about their relationship to really go into how they function. But if what Thomas said about the fandom being pretty spot on about their time together, then we can assume that as a couple they are pretty stable at times compared to most.  Janus clearly cares about Remus enough to listen to him and take in what he has to say where others won’t. And Remus, by extension, shows his appreciation by ‘gifting’ Janus with things. Possibly Remus seems to just love the attention and loves that someone doesn’t find him gross or immature. 

Janus clearly, if we are to go by fandom and Thomas’s words, wants Remus happy and they do seem to share a connection and lots of laughs.  I don’t ship these guys though, but if we are to go off of these things they would work rather well as a couple. Unless we find out more, this seems to be the outcome. 

Royality (Roman/Patton) - Now I’m not here to argue about how characters in a relationship would treat others around them. Just how they were treat each other. While I am of the opinion this couple would be a bit of a powerhouse to others they do work well together in some sense. Both are peppy and upbeat, Roman easily picks up Patton when he’s in a funk and vice versa. The amount of serotonin between these two dorks is something to marvel at. 

Granted in the new episode we see that there is some tension with Patton having really forced his own morals on Roman and this leads to tension when accepting new sides. But, as a couple they would work. I can’t see points that they lead each other one nor points were one tries to control the other, and in terms of words it’s mostly of encouragement. Patton clearly does care about Roman and Roman to Patton. This pairing really works well, has some rocky moments that can easily work through as no couple truly is 100% perfect, as I pointed out with the others. 

But out of all of the ones mentioned this one has the least amount of rough patches. They work together and don’t actively put the other down or force them 24/7. This does happen, but not often.  And I don’t pair them often, just from time to time. 

Analogical (Logan/Virgil) - These two are actually really adorable together and through out the series I can confidently say they would be great for each other. And this isn’t just me saying it, from all the evidence we see Logan and Virgil together just works. 

Logan has a calm disposition and is firm when he has to be, never once have I really seen them lash out at each other with harsh words. Only instance that comes to mind is when Virgil calls Logan a ‘Clueless idiot’. But that’s about it, any other time, even during the debate, afterwards they aren’t at each others throats and both seem to be rather comfortable around each other. Logan could easily be the rock Virgil needs to stand on his own but in his own time.

Virgil however is a good push for Logan, as he himself knows the value of taking your time. I can’t seem Virgil in the cannon ever forcing Logan, even in LNTAO Virgil was the only side that didn’t belittle Logan that much. Virgil was even reluctant, even if he was pressured into it in the end, and I can only think of once in which he did say something harsh to Logan... which was after Logan lashed out at Roman. (With semi good reason). Virgil easily could be that silent partner that Logan needs to feel something but within his own time. 

Granted it’d be a long courtship and time for them to learn each others cues as Logan is hard to give out love. But once he does open up he’s a mess that needs to be loved back. Same goes for Virgil, but where they work and Prinxiety doesn’t is that they are both used to giving gestures and reading the air. Where we have established Roman isn’t really good at.  Virgil could pick up easily when Logan is having problems and when to approached. And Logan is good at understanding when people need space and isn’t afraid to just talk about it rather than let things linger. 

They’d still have their problems, what couple doesn’t. But it wouldn’t be near as bad as some of the others. 

Moxiety (Patton/Virgil) - Where to start with this... I mean, it’s not a bad pairing but it’s also not a great pairing. Not for reasons some think. Honestly I could care less about the argument of ‘Son/Father’ shit that is peddled. It’s been established that Patton thinks of all the sides as ‘Kiddos’ even Thomas, even if none of it is true and Virgil and Patton are technically the same fucking age as Thomas is. Patton just is the group ‘dad’ and truly believes this. 

I digress, as for how they work as a couple it could be good or bad. This is one that it really does depend on how you look at the series as a while. Me, I’m on the fence.  On the one hand Patton is a good self esteem booster for Virgil when the other needs it. And Virgil is calm and understanding of how much feelings can be.  On the other hand Patton can be very forceful with Virgil and sometimes even baby him as we saw in the halloween episode. And Virgil does resent this, stating he is strong enough and doesn’t need to be coddled. 

Clearly there is a imbalance of power there also as Patton is possibly and ‘older’ side as in he’s been around with Thomas much longer. Thus is why he’s the one most listened to. While Virgil doesn’t have as much power as the other sides in terms of the amount he’s listened to.  It’s getting better though, Patton is trying to baby him less and let him really be heard. He’s listening to Virgil rather than assuming things. It’s slow, but it’s working.

In the end, it’s really on how you see it. This could either be a really good couple or really bad couple depending on how one writes them. Cannonly, it could work with time, but we’ll have to see as the series goes. 

Logince (Roman/Logan) - Not sure where to start with this one. Maybe at the fact Roman picks on Logan just as much as he does Patton. Or maybe with how Logan doesn’t take it laying down, most of the time, and does have a sharp tongue to lash back. 

These two are at tensions with each other, even after Why We Get Out Of Bed In The Mornings. Heck that was a whole episode about the tensions! And there is still tension as we go. Roman really needs to get a handle on his self esteem issues before pursuing any relationship I feel. Something I think is going to come up as Thomas enters one.

Logan has been seen lashing out verbally and once even psychically at Roman. He felt bad afterwards, but we can’t say it wasn’t justified with how Roman treated him. Having problems with feeling like he’s not listened to, interrupted, and something even insulted.  And again Roman’s problems with insulting others to boost his confidence comes back into play. Why it doesn’t affect him with Patton is because with the moral side Roman feels wanted and needed, with the others he lashes out because they make him feel that way. 

Logan even did insult some of Roman’s passions, which we know to be a sore spot for the creative side. Roman already has many problems as he’s limited by what is morally right and wrong. He puts time and effort into his things, and it hurts when someone comes along and insults you’re hard work.

Now whether they meant to do this too each other or not is up or debate. You could argue that Roman’s problem is internal and not directed at anyone. You could argue the same for Logan, or argue that the others need to learn that what they are doing is harsh even if they don’t mean it.  Regardless this couple would really need to work on these problems before ever getting together. It’s not something small like communication or feeling problems and can be fixed with the right person. This is them both putting the other know, internationally or not. And that’s not a healthy relationship at all. 

I’d say after they work through that Roman could be with just about any side. And some goes for Logan with Patton or Roman. With Virgil it’s not a huge problem as Logan never once has taken out his frustration on him, might be due to Virgil’s calmer nature, who knows. 

So yeah, that’s the end of part one. I’m not saying none of this would work, I’m saying with how they are NOW they wouldn’t work. We’ll have to see have the series progress how it goes. 

[i-love-side-characters]

What did you think of the end of The Toll?

!!! TOLL SPOILERS !!! PROCEED WITH CAUTION !!!

Scythe Cult:  @honorablescythecurie @honorablescythefaraday @palli-x @book-limerence @lochscinders @a-lonely-tatertot @shellyseashell

bored? send me serotonin please <3

Okay now lets get a couple things out of the way. I haven’t read Toll in a little bit, and it’s taking forever to come from the library. Also, yes I did have it downloaded before, but I kept rereading Faraday’s journal entry when he find out Curie is dead. I know, I’m trash for them but honestly let me have this #curiedeservedbetter2021 #faradaydeservedbetter2021 #curadayforlife

Now that we’ve established that I’m just lonely and so I cling onto healthy (ish) fictional couples for my source of love, let’s proceed.

Things I remember:

 - Rowan and Citra go zoomy zoom into spacey space, but Citra’s deadish because Goddard pulled some shit and so Rowan’s going to wait a couple hundred years for her to wake up

 - Total hottie Ayn Rand shanked Goddard which is honestly a power move you go girl

 - Faraday and Munira unleashed the failsafe, which basically infected a whole bunch of people and now Scythes just kill the infected people so that there’s no suffering

 - Jeri!!! and Greyson!!! Babeys!!! Smol Beans!!! My genderfluid babey with my weird Jesus man it’s a match made by the Thunderhead (because it literally is)

 - Rowan and Citra (who renounced her Scythehood) are going to start a new colony on some random ass planet

Things I don’t remember:

 - Whatever happen with Cirrus

 - Whatever happen with Joel the Jobe Man

 - Whatever happen with Loriana and Munira who are totally in love Shusterman said Sapphic rights 

Okay Akki stfu lets move on:

Okay. I didn’t really like it. I did like Rowan’s sarcasm, but the ending fell a little flat. Compared to the other books’ endings, I didn’t really think it measured up. It was just a bit bland. Here’s why.

The end goal:

Let’s just work our way through the series to show why The Toll just didn’t really work for me.

Scythe - Book 1:

Goal/Climax:

The goal/climax of the book was clear. Citra and Rowan are fighting for the ring. Only one can get it, and the winner has to glean the other. 

The ending:

Citra wins the ring, and is ordained. Instead of actually killing (gleaning) Rowan, she slyly grants him immunity by punching him so that his blood’s DNA would transfer to the database and no Scythe could kill him.  We also got a confession scene where they tell each other they love the other. It ends with Rowan finding out that Faraday did not self-glean.

Why it works:

It is tense. We are watching the two main characters have to either kill the other or be killed. Neither want to. It is clear from their actions throughout that they harbour feelings for each other. This is a high stakes situation. And it flows nicely. We don’t have any unnecessary dialogue/scenes. We don’t have a dumb solution to the problem where a bunch of unnecessary events happen like a character death/romantic scene. They do tell the other that they love them, but the moment is quick and is not the focus of the moment. The focus is on the actual ordainment ceremony and the challenge. The solution directly addresses the main conflict of the book.

Thunderhead - Book 2:

Goal/Climax:

Goddard and Citra (now Anastasia) are presenting their arguments as to who will win the inquest. The inquest was called because Anastasia and Curie needed time to gain more votes in favour of Curie for the position of High Blade. 

The ending:

Anastasia and Curie win the inquest, and Goddard must complete a full new apprenticeship in order to train his new body. Goddard, however, has tricks up his sleeve. He had made a plan prior to the events on Endura to cripple the Grandslayers tower. The plan changes, but works to his favour and destroys the entire island. Curie, in a desperate attempt to save Rowan and Citra, locks them in an airtight chamber that will preserve them so they can be revived. With this sacrifice, Curie is forced to self glean.

“She thrust her blade inward, directly into her heart. She fell to the ground only seconds before the sea would wash over her, but she knew death would wash over her faster. And the blade hurt far less than she imagined it would, which made her smile. She was good. Very, very good.”

-Thunderhead, page 499

Why it works:

*violently screams in my head* I’m good don’t worry

It is a logical ending. If Curie and Anastasia had won the inquest and survived Endura, there would be no need for a third book, unless Shusterman had decided to write a book about Curie being High Blade and Goddard sulking in the shadows and plotting to kill her. That wouldn’t work because I don’t think there is any possible way Curie wouldn’t catch Goddard in two seconds because she’s a boss.

Many people say that Curie should have gotten Rowan to lock her and Anastasia in the vault instead of him. Rowan would have died for Anastasia, it makes sense, but that takes away from the very essence of Curie’s character. She is a truly Honourable Scythe. She knows that Anastasia loves him, and she cares deeply about Anastasia. Letting herself survive would have been completely out of character. She also knows that Anastasia is the future of the Scythedom. While it would be a great help if Curie didn’t die, as well as sparing us emotional trauma, it doesn’t make sense for her character.

This ending also directly “solved” the issue in the book. While the villain won, it was a satisfying ending. Curie is dead, that was a very smart move, because obviously Goddard wouldn’t survive two seconds if she was there. It gave us a good reason for the Thunderhead to disappear.

 *violently screams again* Curie died, yeah, no, I’m okay

The Toll - Book 3: *note that some details may be wrong

Goal/Climax:

Faraday, Rowan, Jeri, Munira, Loriana, Anastasia, Greyson, and Cirrus need to figure out what to with the frozen Tonists, all unknowing that Scythes Goddard and Rand are heading towards the island. They still need to beat him in order to make sure that the non-Scythe population won’t be subject to bias/malice/aforethought/Goddard’s ego. 

The ending:

Rowan, and Citra, who renounced her Scythehood, travel to another planet that can support life with the frozen Tonists, as well as 42 other ships carrying Tonists. Cirrus is copied into 42 different versions in order to save humanity. After being offered Citra’s old ring, Munira (I believe) returns to the Library of Alexandria. Faraday follows through with the failsafe and gleans only the suffering. Greyson and Jeri stay together on the island, and become romantically involved. Scythe Rand is the one who eventually kills Goddard.

Why it DOESN’T work:

Okay, there’s a lot to unpack here. I’m just going to go character by character and by the plot.

1. Plot - It just doesn’t make sense. The hero’s solution doesn’t in any way stop Goddard, who is the main villain. We’ve led up to this for a very long time, and Rand is the one who gleans him. If I’m correct, The main characters don’t interact with Goddard for nearly the entire book, save Rowan. The solution, to save humanity by colonizing other planets would, without Rand’s interference, let Goddard wreak his havoc on the world. Only Scythe Faraday and Morrison could truly challenge him, and even then Faraday is old and hasn’t kept his abilities refined, and Morrison is young and inexperienced and wears a denim robe.

2. Rand and Goddard’s Arcs - Rand is the one who kills Goddard. I think that this was a very interesting move, and one that made a lot of sense. Goddard has treated her terribly, it would satisfy her arc of turning against him, as well as giving her a redemption arc that would also avenge Tyger’s death. I think that this is actually a really good arc, were it not for the fact that Citra and Goddard never fought/interacted with each other. If there had been a fight, and Rand had killed him then, that would have been better and would have better satisfied the actual conflict in the book.

3. Rowan and Citra’s Arcs - In terms of Citra’s arc, I think it was emotionally impactful to have her renounce her Scythehood. But Rowan didn’t have as much of a part to play in this book as he could have had. Citra and Goddard also never interacted, which would have been very interesting since he was the direct cause of her mentor and canon mother figure’s death. It would have been an interesting scene that could have played out really well. Based on Discord texts from a conversation I had, I know an reminded that the last two pages of The Toll were incredibly impactful and beautiful. I don’t have much to say about Rowan since I don’t remember much of his role.

4. Jeri, Greyson, Loriana, and Munira’s Arcs - I paired these four together since their doings aren’t very solid after the books. Jeri and Greyson are canonically together, which I think was a great move by Shusterman. Having a main character in a healthy relationship with a canon LGBTQ+ character was incredibly impactful for me, and it satisfied Greyson’s thoughts about how he doesn’t care if Jeri is a boy or a girl, he just loves them. Loriana didn’t have as much of an arc, but Munira did have a small one. Her refusal of the Scythe’s ring let her dispense of her hatred for Scythes and their system, and let her let go of her bitter feelings about not being ordained. 

5. Cirrus’ Arc? - I do not remember enough to speak about Cirrus’ role in the books.

6. Faraday’s Arc - This is probably the one I have the most to say about. I am sorry in advance. Faraday is an emotional character. He has cried canonically twice as far as I can remember, once when he gleaned a child, and the other when he found out Scythe Curie and Anastasia had died on Endura. He is also openly disgusted with Scythe Goddard and his practices, which is why I supremely dislike his arc. It would have been so interesting to see how he would have reacted if Scythe Goddard and the heroes had interacted during the end scene of The Toll. We know he is an Honourable Scythe, like Curie, and upholds the Scythe Commandments, especially after his punishment over his breaking of the 9th commandment “Thou shalt have no spouse nor spawn.” It would have been so. interesting. to see whether Faraday would snap and attack Goddard, if he would try and talk to him, how he would react. Like with Anastasia, he would have been interacting with Curie’s murderer. The potential of that moment! Don’t forget that Faraday is definitely still in love with Curie, based on his elevated heart rate in Thunderhead, and his journal entry in The Toll. I think it would have been so interesting to see him confront her killer.

Summary:

Okay that was much longer than I intended, and I have more thoughts, but it’s 2:40 am and I haven’t slept in a while. So my summary. I liked The Toll. It was a solid book, that had funny moments, jaw dropping moments, heartfelt moments, and emotionally impactful scenes. It was a solid book.

I don’t think it compared as much to the other two, especially Thunderhead. The ending fell a little flat and didn’t carry the arcs as well as I would have liked, but honestly, I still reread it. Shusterman really managed to pull at your emotions.

Because I just beat up on the book for the last couple paragraphs, let me tell you some of my favourite parts of the book.

1. Literally any scene with Possuelo and Anastasia that dynamic was so good and him calling her “meu anjo” literally made my heart do a little happy dance the father-daughter dynamic was what we needed. It also offered a nice levity to tough scenes.

2. The Rowan-Anastasia Reunion. They ran towards each other and knocked each other off their feet. Ohhhh my god, they ran towards each other and knocked each other off their feet! That was so cute, and as someone who was a strong supporter of platonic Rowan & Anastasia, I honestly loved it.

3. Faraday-Anastasia Reunion. Him dropping to his knees in front her her, her initial confusion as to who he was, and the “perhaps the greatest of all Scythes was kneeling in front of her” part killed me. Their reunion was so well written and heart-wrenching.

4. Anastasia Cries about Curie’s Death. I feel like WatchMojo right now. Anyways, the way her emotions break after trying to repress her sadness over her mentor’s sacrifice for her.

5. Rowan’s sarcasm. Beauty. What a power move to sass the guy who’s going to set you on fire in front of 3000 people.

6. Scythe Constantine and Rand. What a dynamic I wasn’t ready for. Rand’s cool comebacks with Constantine’s sly personality just made for the most amazing dialogue opportunities. 

Thank you anon!

[imissjoongsmullet]

My Prince (3)

Pairing: Minghao x reader

Genre: fluff/(angst)

Summary: Life is not exactly easy being the royal gardeners’ daughter but at least it’s simple. When you’re suddenly called upon to serve as the prince’s personal servant, things get a little more than complicated, especially considering the secret history you and the prince share.

Part 1

Part 2

Warnings: general angstiness, a bit of a slow burn, very romantic, very soft, the fact that this will most likely become a long series cause I have no chill

Word Count: 3.5K

Author’s Note: it’s here finally! Sorry this took so long, (computer problems ehh) Also, I really love this series and I don’t just wanna keyboard smash it ^^ I hope this fluffy little chapter brightens your day/night ♥ to everyone supporting this, thank you, I love you!! ♥

Alsoooo any kind of feedback literally makes my day, like serotonin through the roof I’m telling you, so please feel free to let me know what you think ♥

►

You slept terribly that night. The distraught look on Minghao’s face covered the walls of your mind like some gruesome mural. It occurred to you then, that even though you saw so much of the young prince’s life, you hadn’t fully understood the weight he’d been carrying all this time. It wasn’t only the weight of his father’s expectations; it was the weight of a hole empire. Millions counted on him to be their savior. No one had ever even asked him what he wanted.

When you brought him his tea the following morning, you were all the more prudent. You opened the door noiselessly and tiptoed in. He was fast asleep. You set down your tray and began preparing the tea as you considered your next course of action. You carefully cut up the fresh herbs you’d taken from the garden before sunrise, hoping their properties might alleviate some of his stress, and added them into the mixture as well. Your eyes kept finding him in the sheets, so serene and content; so unlike him, surely, when he would wake.

Gingerly, you made your way to his bedside, small cup between your fingers.

“Your highness,” you said so softly it was nearly a whisper, though it still felt intrusive to the dead quiet of morning.

His brows furrowed but he did not wake.

“Minghao.” His name slipped out before you could catch yourself.

The prince let out a drowsy moan and shifted, pulling his sheets close to himself.

You couldn’t do it.

With a sigh, you set his tea down beside the bed and rose. You weren’t sure about the consequences of your actions but knew it was the right thing to do.

“The prince isn’t feeling well,” you explained as the emperor and his wife sat down for breakfast.

Xu Yilan looked at you in silence for a while, his eyes piercing. Then he raised his eyebrows and said in a cold voice, “very well,” before turning to his food, indicating the conversation had ended.

You spent the rest of the morning in the prince’s quarters. You remembered Minghao had told you to leave him alone but you were worried about him, so you sat in the corner of his room, doing random chores. You polished his crown and jewelry until they shone like mirrors. You folded his robes and sheets, finding you were finally starting to get better at keeping the creases out. More than often you looked toward the bed, but the prince was clearly enjoying the extra hours of sleep, for he did not rouse.

It was nearly noon when you heard movement behind you. You laid the newly folded sheets in his dresser and turned to see Minghao shift. Your heart lurched and your whole body began to prickle with nerves as you watched him slowly but surely wake up. Flustered, you bent back over your work, folding sheets in the corner on the floor as if you’d heard nothing. The rustling behind you came in bursts until it finally stopped.

“What time is it?” His voice was gravelly.

You steadied your breath before answering. “It’s noon, your highness,” you said, “I’ve alerted the emperor you’re not feeling well.” Hearing the words come out of your mouth now, you felt foolish. You hadn’t asked permission to do anything. Who knew the kind of trouble you’d thrown upon him by doing this. And the silence that followed your explanation wasn’t reassuring in the slightest.

“What did he say?” Minghao responded at last.

You turned to him, still on your knees, keeping your eyes on the floor. “Not much,” you said, “but you’re excused from activities for the time being.”

Another silence followed in which you stared at the shiny wooden floor hoping it might swallow you whole. You were so caught up in your own nerves you barely heard his response when it did come.

“Thank you.” 

You looked up at him, finding his eyes on you. He didn’t smile but there was a genuine kindness radiating from his face that made the tension ebb from your shoulders.

He let you prepare some of your fresh tea and while he drank, you hurried to the kitchens to fetch his breakfast.

“Have you eaten?” he asked as you set the tray down onto his bed.

You hadn’t; you’d forgotten all about it, worrying about him.

“Have some,” he went on, gesturing to the food, “you’ve brought far too much for me to finish by myself.”

You felt your face heat up. “I couldn’t,” you mumbled, looking away.

To your surprise, you heard him chuckle softly, “it’s really fine, don’t worry. Have some.”

Hesitating, you sat down on the edge of his bed. He slid the tray your way so it sat between the two of you.

“Here,” he said, offering you his chopsticks.

Your eyes went wide as you stared at his hands. A prince sharing his cutlery with a servant was about as unheard of as a snowstorm in July. There was no way you could let him—

Without warning, he took hold of your hand and placed the chopsticks in your palm. Then he proceeded to pick up a dumpling with his bare hand, putting it past his lips.

You were dumbfounded. You hadn’t seen him this improper since— well, since you were children. The tiniest smile crept onto your lips. You stifled it as you picked up some fried egg and allowed yourself to have breakfast with the prince.

After you were both stuffed with comforting breakfast foods he took you to the library, where he huddled over his books and you continued your search for his missing book. A Vast Unfathomable Secret, brown cover, gold foiling, lily on the cover… it was a near impossible challenge but you wanted to succeed now more than ever. You pulled out book after book in the beautiful, tall-ceilinged room, only to put them back where they came from. You were getting quite tired and your eyes hurt from peering at all those symbols you didn’t know how to read. But you kept going, knowing how much it’d mean to Minghao if you managed to locate it.

After hours of searching, much of you initial gusto had died out, buried under repeated disappointment. The sleepiness was getting to you as well; you’d woken up so early. You were so out of it, it took you a few moments of dead-eyed staring before you noticed the little flower on one of the covers. Realization hitting, you let out a tiny gasp as your fingers wrapped tight around the brown covered book.

“I—” you breathed, starting to step down the ladder, “I think I found it.”

Minghao tore his head from his book, looking to you expectantly.

“Is this it?” you asked, holding out the brown, leather thing.

He glanced at it and the momentary excitement in his eyes died out.

“That’s not the title,” he said, frowning up at you from his seat, “see?” He took the book and showed you the cover, where a string of symbols read what was apparently not A Vast Unfathomable Secret.

“I’m sorry,” you said simply, not knowing what else to say.

He continued to look at you quizzically. After a long pause he let out a long sigh. 

“you don’t know how to read.”

Embarrassment washed over you as you stood there, fumbling with your hands. “I was never taught.”

Something in him softened. “You should have said something.”

“I’m sorry,” you replied, cringing at yourself.

“Don’t apologize.” He shook his head as his eyes searched yours. “Sit down.” He gestured at the small space next to him at his table.

Without a word, you got down on your knees and sat beside him, feeling all of a sudden very hot. Minghao slid aside his own book, then opened the book you’d given him and laid it open on the table between you.

You stared at the countless symbols on the page, brain going haywire.

“It’s not that hard,” he said, small smile playing at his lips. And then he began reading out loud, his velvety voice filling the air around you. This was a children’s book, you realized; a fairytale. Your parents had told you this story when you were a child. It was about a farmer whose onions came to life and stole people’s toenails. There was a lesson in there somewhere about greed, but you didn’t really remember. Minghao read the first page, slowly, before sliding the book a bit closer to you.

You shook your head. “I can’t—”

“I’ll teach you,” he interrupted and without pause started explaining the meaning of the various symbols.

It was a slow job, and you were sure the prince had better things to do, but he sat there with you all afternoon, going over the story sentence by sentence, character by character. By the time the sun started to go down and natural light was fleeing the room, your head was drowning in new information in the best way possible. You never thought you’d be able to learn something like this.

“We should probably continue this some other time,” Minghao said, looking up at the darkening room.

You nodded, feeling a little guilty for taking up so much of his time.

“Thank you, your highness,” you said quietly.

“I’m glad to help,” he replied. Then he cast his eyes downward, thinking for a moment. “Actually, I wanted to apologize.” He sighed and looked back up at you. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you last night.”

“I—” you stuttered, “It’s okay, I understand.”

He gave a weak smile.

You could tell there was a lot going on behind those warm brown eyes of his. Part of you wanted to reach out and comfort him in some sort of way but you realized you’d have no idea where to start.

“Minghao—” you spoke up but the boy was already rising from the floor.

“Let’s go for a walk,” he said.

You trailed behind him along the deck outside the library, wondering what had gotten into the young prince. He felt more like he did years ago, like a carefree boy with all the time in the world. But there was something else as well, you couldn’t help but notice. You were practically watching him bury it deeper within himself with every footstep.

“You want to go see the orchards?” he said, turning around to you with a mischievous grin.

Exhilaration rushed through you at the thought; you hadn’t visited the orchards since you’d come to the castle.

“It’s nearly time for dinner,” you said but the prince wasn’t fazed. He merely continued smiling at you and reached out his hand.

Eying him with suspicion you took his hand — a gesture that set about a million butterflies loose in your stomach.

“Come on,” he said, flinging a leg over the railing of the deck. You watched him crawl to the other side as you clung to his hand, hoping he wouldn’t loose balance and fall down to the grass below. Then he was pulling you over as well. You felt tremendously awkward in your long robes and flimsy slippers. Minghao took notice and grabbed your other hand as well, keeping you balanced until you slid to the other side right next to him.

“I used to do this a lot as a child,” he said, smiling into the evening sky.

“I can tell,” you answered unable to stifle a nervous laugh.

He looked at you, amused. “It’s not that far down,” he promised, “on three?”

You barely had the time to think for he was already counting, then taking your hand again and jumping off the deck.

The fall to the tall grass down below was soft and once your heart had calmed itself, an overwhelming glee filled you. You were out.

Minghao pulled you up by the hands, laughing. “See? It’s not so scary.”

You walked through the unruly grass until it gave out to a large row of bushes. You slid between the branches, trying not to rip your clothes, finally entering the vast area that was the royal gardens. From there, you knew exactly where to go. You walked up a naturally pebbled path, over the wooden bridge of a narrow stream, through the famous rose gardens, until you reached the start of the apple orchard. It looked enchanted in the full moonlight, the ripe apples near glistening on the trees. You felt yourself relax in their presence.

“Dinner is served,” Minghao said, strolling up to the first tree and pulling a perfectly round apple from its branches. He bit into its flesh, the sound of it’s crisp juiciness penetrating the night’s quiet.

You walked up beside him, taking an apple for yourself. The moment your teeth dug into the fruit, you remembered the countless times you’d done this, back when you tended the gardens on a daily basis. The joy of picking your food right from nature’s generous hands overwhelmed you. In the last few months you’d nearly forgotten all about it. So much had changed.

Minghao was already sauntering through the trees towards what you knew was the orange trees. He’d always liked those best. You followed him up the small slope and around a bend where about a dozen trees stood in a circle. It was easy to hide away here.

He threw you an orange and immediately continued picking more for himself. You waited for him in the center of the clearing, smiling when he finally joined you, carrying a hefty amount of fruit in his arms.

You spent a good part of night there, between the trees. You sat, peeling and sharing oranges, gazing up at the sky and recollecting stories of times long past. The whole thing felt like a dream, too good to be true. It felt like a big, fat rock had been plunged into the lake that was your feelings for Minghao, sending the water flying everywhere. His smile made you deliciously lightheaded and his laugh had you feeling like you wouldn’t feel an ounce of sadness ever again. You wanted nothing but to spend more time with him. You knew it was a path destined to lead to destruction but you shut out those thoughts stubbornly because every time the prince looked your way the stars came out inside of you, lighting you up from within.

The days of summer seemed endless. They belonged to you and the prince alone. Minghao was still avoiding his parents and determent to spend most of his time with you, either in the library, teaching you to read, in his quarters, having dinner in bed, or in the extensive gardens, where you could hide away from everyone. You did hear words of concern here and there. The maids whispered amongst themselves when you walked by and Tou Ma had even ordered you to talk some sense into the prince. But no matter how good of a point the head servant made, you refused to take in the advice.

“—and his toenails had disap—”

“—disappeared,” Minghao completed your sentence, index finger underlining the text.

You exhaled and shifted on your little floor cushion next to him. “It’s hard.”

“You must be tired. Let’s end it here for now,” he said, breaking out into a sheepish smile, “sorry, I tend to get carried away with books.”

“I know,” you said, glancing his way. You loved way he immersed himself in his books. It had always fascinated you, especially considering how foreign the idea of reading had always been for you. The fact that he was sharing something so dear to him meant more to you than you’d ever admit to his face.

“Why do you love it so much?” you asked out of the blue.

Minghao scrunched up his nose in thought. “Reading? I don’t know.” He closed the book, letting his fingers graze it’s sot leather cover. “I suppose it’s a way for me to travel outside the castle, to do different things, be different things.” His eyes narrowed as he let silence take over again.

You nodded, letting the information sink in. You felt an overwhelming urge to put your arm around him, to lay your head on his shoulder, but you just sat there, picking at your nails under the low table. You wanted to ask him more about the kind of traveling he’d like to do but, here too, your bravery failed you. In the end, you decided to ask him a different question entirely; one you’d been meaning to ask for weeks.

“What’s A Vast Unfathomable Secret about?”

He clearly hadn’t expected the question.

“Nothing,” he answered at last with a wave of his hand.

“Nothing?”

“Yes, nothing.”

You eyed him shiftily. “But it’s important?”

“It’s important.”

A chuckle escaped your lips.

“Don’t laugh,” he said with feigned disdain, “you’re making a fool of a royal.”

His fake-proper tone only made you laugh more.

“Oh I’m quite serious,” he went on smirking and pointing a finger at you.

“Uhuh, yeah I’m listening,” you giggled, nearly falling over on your cushion.

He reached out and took your wrists, trying to still you. “I could have you executed for treason.”

“Oh no!” you let out before breaking out into another fit of laughter that sent you both to the floor.

For a moment he was unbelievably close, hovering over you, laughing. But the next, his eyes went wide and he pulled away, scrambling up and starting to clear up the table without another word.

That evening, he took you or a short stroll around the gardens, where you picked as many pears as you could carry, and headed for his room. He ate as you finished up some of the chores you’d been procrastinating. You hurriedly dusted his entire quarters, knowing Tou Ma was notorious for random check ups of your work. After that, you rearranged the items on his desk, refilled his ink bottle, cleaned his brushes and finally put away his fresh laundry. The sun was well on its way down by the time you finished. All the while you’d felt his eyes on him.

You’d been talking of random things, keeping the conversation light, but your mind was esewhere. Your mind was still in the library where his lips had been so close to touching yours. It was hard to focus on anything when all you saw was his perfect face hovered over you.

“I should go,” you said as you closed his closet doors, knowing you probably wouldn’t be able to sleep anyways. You put on your slippers and headed for the door.

“Wait—” you heard him say, followed by his muffled feet on the wooden floor. You turned around just before reaching the door, finding Minghao looking gingerly at you.

“Um,” he started and it occurred to you just how different he felt from when you first became his servant. You thought for a second he would continue to stare at you forever, eyes swimming with something you couldn’t quite place.

“Here,” he said at last, holding up another pear timidly, “you should eat.”

The pear sat perfectly between you, the only thing separating you from one another. Once again, the closeness of it all flooded you and you found no voice to answer him with. Slowly, you reached up and wrapped your hand around the fruit, fingers brushing his in a way that was so paralyzing you thought you’d never come to your senses. You heard him say your name; a soft whisper from his lips. You looked up at him, startled to see he was just as zoned out as you were, like he wanted to say something but had no idea of where to begin.

Then out of nowhere his hand let go of the pear, letting it tumble between your feet so it could hold your hand instead. His fingers were so warm and soft yet slightly apprehensive in their touch.

Your lips parted as you stared down at the space between you, where the bruised pear now lay.

“Minghao—”

Just then, there was a loud knock on the doors. The both of you jumped; Minghao never had visitors.

The prince opened up as you took a few steps back, blending in with the walls as a servant should.

“You’re expected in the conference hall,” the broad-shouldered guard said coldly, “immediately.”

“It’s night time, can’t this—” Minghao started but the guard wasn’t having any of it.

“It’s urgent.”

You watched the dread wash over the prince as reality sank in. Without another word, he followed the guard out and all you could do was trail behind him, hoping for the best.

Part 1

Part 2

[absolute-flaming-trash-archive]

Hi

I am very hungover and tired

However, I didn’t make the post I properly wanted to make for New Years for drunk reasons.

Getting sappy once again under the cut

Last year sucked major ass, I (as well as a lot of others) went through hell and back, but I will say the one amazing thing that came out of it were the people I met and the friends I made while finally deciding to publish my work. If I miss you, I am so sorry, I still love you to death.

My followers and readers

Y’all actually stick with me and like what I write, and I am eternally grateful for that. Y’all honestly have no idea how happy it makes me when I see someone new has liked one of my posts, and then I get a follow notification. The comments and tags always make me feel so fuzzy and warm, and it’s the biggest boost of serotonin ever. It’s given me a new sense of purpose in a way, and a new sense of joy that you enjoy my writing.

I know I don’t get a lot of interaction, but whenever I see someone in the inbox or a new dm from someone, I feel a lil honored that that person took the time out of their day to do that.

My mutuals and discord server friends

My dudes

You all literally cracked me out of my shell a lil bit, and I don’t say that lightly. I used to lurk and one day out of a moment of bravery I messaged one of y’all and ended up in a discord server, and now I’m here. Y’all crack me the hell up and encourage me to do the dumbest things ever, but it’s all for laughs and it brings me so much happiness.

You also put up with my bug rants whenever they come up, and I cannot express how happy it makes me when y’all engage with me on that and don’t just go “ew gross”.

My closest friends on here

@prettycutebunny - My complete and utter ride or die, my day is literally not complete if I do not talk to you. You have boosted my confidence in my writing and in myself so much, and you have just been such a joy in my life that I cannot thank you enough for keeping up with my dumbass. You have also made me afraid of opening up dm’s with people around because I’m afraid there’s just gonna be a picture of Hiso and I’m gonna be a blushing mess, but goddamnit I still love you for it. Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being my friend. I love you more than you know.

@shorkbrian - I honestly don’t know where to begin with you, my friend, but I you were one of the first people I messaged on here that was in a different fandom from my main one; and even if it was for apologizing for mixing up your pronouns, holy moly in a way I’m glad I did because I ended up gaining one of the sweetest people in the world as a friend. Your writing is so indescribably incredible. You give me such a rush of happiness when I see notifications from you, and one of my new favourite activities is watching horror movies with you over discord. You’re an absolute gift of a person in my life, 10000/10, lub you <3 and would cosplay with you.

@needygirl17 - My girl. You are such a complete joy to me, and I do not regret taking on the role of New Mom to you at all. Your talent never ceases to amaze me, and the amount of detail and thought and devotion that goes into your work is mind-blowing. You are so kind to me and understanding, and I will never take that for granted. You’re just as much an inspiration to me as you say I am to you. I love you dearly, you deserve everything in life.

@mynameseri - Another one of the first people I talked to on here, and the fact that I was afraid to talk to you at first makes me fucking laugh now, because I literally had nothing to be afraid of. Your responses when I was your Horny Jail Anon, and when we started actually talking showed me that you’re such a kind and endearing person, even when life is treating you like hell, and I vibe with that so much. I’m very glad that I met you, and I love ya.

@trash-writings - Okay so here’s the thing, not only are you one of the most talented writers I’ve ever seen, but the just “no nonsense” attitude you have has really showed me how to stand up for myself more, and that it’s okay to be a lil mean occasionally if it means saving your mental health even if I fail at that miserably. I’m never ever bored when I talk to you, and you just have these pearls that drop in the chat that make me smile like an dumbass. You inspire the outright hell out of me constantly, and I will never stop screaming in your tags.

@my-child-gaara - An absolute fucking gem of a person, and one of the first people I talked to on here. Your tags were just too damn good for me not to message you directly and just talk to you. You’re just wonderful, my guy, I honestly don’t know what else more I can say since I am terrible at expressing how I truly feel.

@trassh-senpai - Fellow person interested in bugs, and another one of the first people I talked to. You never fail to crack me up, even if it’s with things you’ve dealt with at work, or dumb Carl Wheezer memes but I swear to god. I appreciate the heck outta you, and you’re truly a treasure to talk to. You work very hard, and you never cease to amaze me.

More people I completely adore but I can’t write more because I’m tired

@yep-seeyalaterbranflakes, @crispycrimebrulee, @azelmawrites, @trashscenariihxh, @hisokapegger, @hisoillusandwich, @moxcrow

Again if I didn’t name you it’s not intentional, ya girl is very tired.

Y’all mean the world to me, and I can’t express it enough.

I’m so glad I met you.

All of you.

[bubbyleh]

I See La Vie en Rose - Chapter 3

cw for cult mention

Chapter 3: Recording Scientific Progress

“Do you think we should check those mountains again?”

“Well, when have we ever known them to double back on locations?”

“That’s the point, we haven’t. They’ve changed their patterns before to throw us off.”

“But would they risk discovery like that?”

“It can’t hurt to try.”

Tommy purposefully puts a little more weight into his footsteps, considering whistling a tune just to announce his presence. Anything to avoid the awkward stop to their conversation that will come if they see him before hearing him.

Speaking off, Tommy enters the pavilion that hosts the Viewing Pool, their connection to Earth in more ways than one. The Viewing Pool acts as both a mirror and a transporter, giving them access to most locations on the planet. It’s surrounded by seats for all the Gods, but since there’s no meeting, nobody rests in the chairs. Instead, sitting at the side of the pool are two Gods, Bubby and Coomer. They’re clearly tidying up a few papers.

“Ah, hello Tommy!” Coomer waves, and damn it, even if they’re clearly hiding something from him, Tommy can’t bring himself to feel angry. Growing up, Bubby and Coomer were the only other Gods on the cloud aside from his father (Benrey was on what Gman calls an “extended sabbatical”, though Benrey refers to it as his funny vacation). So what if Tommy feels a little soft for them!

“H-hey guys,” Tommy smiles. “What are you doing?”

“Same as always,” Bubby flicks his fingers, flames appearing between them. Extremely in character for someone who's known to mortals as the God of Fire. “Tracking down cultists.”

Tommy choses to take that as a partial truth, or at least one he doesn’t know the full implications of. Because while the cult was a known threat thousands of years before Tommy was born, he doesn’t actually know what they did to be considered a big deal in the first place. They’re connected to the skeletons, sure, but the most the skeletons have ever done is cause a little chaos down on Earth. Nothing the Gods hadn’t easily dealt with.

But. The way Coomer places a hand on Bubby’s back when he mentions them. How Benrey’s eyes seem to glaze over at any implication. When Tommy’s dad brushed him off with, “It was before your time. It will never happen again.”

...

Whatever.

Either they tell him or they don’t. Besides, he’s pretty sure Gordon’s in the same boat as him, so at least it seems like it’s more of an age thing than a personal vendetta against Tommy.

“I think- I’m heading down for the day,” Tommy says, desperate not to think about it anymore. “Do you need anything?”

“What do you do down there?” Bubby eyes the empty space next to Tommy. “You’re not even bringing Sunkist!”

Tommy shrugs, because he really doesn’t need them knowing what he’s getting up to. “Just wandering around.”

“Well, he is the God of Discovery, afterall!” Coomer chuckles, Bubby and Tommy smiling along with him. “But… do be careful down there Tommy, alright?” he continues, his tone suddenly grave. “I’ve had a terrible feeling lately.”

"You know we encountered these people in life." Bubby glances towards Coomer. "Trust us, they're no joke."

Hm.

"That's fine," Tommy can't help but get snippy. "I'm stronger now than- than you guys were then."

With that, Tommy turns the pool to the city and drops in, leaving Bubby and Coomer staring.

“Benrey wasn’t strong enough,” Bubby states. His voice is oddly monotone.

Coomer sighs. “Well, who is?”

Neither of them answer. They both know it’s rhetorical.

☆○☆○☆

They’ve been texting for about a week now, so Tommy supposes it’s about time they saw each other face to face again. And when Darnold invited him over to help out with an alchemical experiment, well, Tommy couldn’t think of a single reason he should say no!

It’s become very clear that what was once mild attraction has turned into a full-blown crush. Which is! A lot! Because Tommy’s pretty sure the last time he felt like this was over four-hundred years ago, and there’s a lot of other complicating factors!

But oh boy, if everything Darnold says isn’t a shot of serotonin to Tommy’s brain. He’s just so passionate about his work, Tommy could listen to him ramble for hours. And he technically has, though it was over text. So not necessarily listening, more like reading, but still! Tommy read every single one of those words!

Today was a good day for a visit. Tommy had wrapped up his work early, and though he was exhausted, he had a feeling that wouldn’t matter when he was around Darnold. So with a confident smile, he knocks on the door of Darnold’s apartment.

Darnold answers almost immediately, and he kind of looks winded as he opens the door. “Hey Tommy!” Darnold says, and oh no! He’s got that big smile on his face again! “You’re just in time, I just finished setting everything up!”

He steps aside for Tommy to enter, and wow. Darnold has turned his entire living room into a lab. Stacks of alchemical books are piled around the room, notes are thrown around haphazardly, and there are beakers filled with colorful potions in random places. Tommy would be impressed by his dedication if not for the social implications of such a decision.

“Sorry for the, uh, mess,” Darnold rubs the back of his neck. “I have a system, I swear.”

“It’s- I’ve seen worse messes, don’t worry!” It’s true. The way prayers make their way to the Gods tends to leave them in a messy pile on the floor, a fact Tommy has had to hear Gordon rant about for the better part of three centuries.

Darnold sighs his relief, but in an instant it’s replaced by a sharp look in his eye and an almost smug smile. “Alright! So the experiment!”

The two of them sit on the floor between the couch and the coffee table, where Darnold does most of his potion mixing, Tommy learns. But today isn’t necessarily about potions.

“I just figured out a recipe for a potential flavor syrup,” Darnold explains, leaning his phone against a pile of books. “It shouldn’t alter the effects of a potion, but we still need to do a taste test.”

“Alright.” Tommy smiles, because Darnold’s enthusiasm is infectious. “Wh-what’s with the phone, though?”

“Oh!” Darnold blinks, as if noticing his phone for the first time. “I, er… I like to record my experiments, for posterity. It’s not going up anywhere!” He anxiously scratches the side of his face. “But, um, I don’t have to film if you’re uncomfortable.”

“I was just wondering, I’m- I’m okay with it!” Tommy explains.

Darnold nods. “Okay. After I press record, I’m going to do a little introduction, and then we’ll do the experiment.” He pauses for a moment, and meets Tommy’s eyes. “And, uh. Thanks for offering to help, Tommy. An extra pair of hands goes a long way.”

Tommy feels his face heat up, but before he can say anything, Darnold’s already started the recording.

“This is Darnold Pepper, recording with lab assistant Tommy…” he trails off.

Oh crap, Darnold’s asking for a last name. Tommy’s pretty sure he’s never had one of those.

Tommy panics. “C-Coolatta.”

“Like the drink?”

“There’s no- no relation.”

Darnold shrugs and continues his monologue. “Recording with Tommy Coolatta. Attempting experiment 378-B, Flavored Syrup 6.”

The experiment goes well enough! There aren’t any explosions, Tommy doesn’t accidentally knock something over with his elbow. At the end, they have a reddish mixture as the bottom of a beaker, and a few popsicles to test with. The only problem is the taste.

Darnold’s face sours after a single taste. “O-oh no… this is the worst one yet.”

“What?” Tommy stifles a laugh. “It can’t be- it can’t be that bad!”

“It’s really bad, Tommy. The flavor isn’t going away.” Darnold stands and walks towards his kitchen.

Tommy picks up his own popsicle stick, and the gooey red syrup slowly drips off. Well, red usually means cherry, right? Or strawberry? Those are great flavors! Tommy licks the end of the stick, and…

Oh no.

“Darnold it’s bad!” Tommy shouts, stumbling into the kitchen behind him. “It’s- it’s really bad!”

Darnold is already downing a Fanta, and he slides one towards Tommy. “Damn,” Darnold sighs. “That sucked.”

Tommy cracks open the Fanta, relieved by the orange flavor washing out the literal garbage fire-tasting syrup from his mouth. “Ugh.” He wipes his lips. “That was, um…”

“I’m sorry, Tommy.” Darnold places a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Physical contact with Darnold causes Tommy’s brain to short-circuit, but other than that he’s fine.

“Y-yeah,” Tommy says. “That was… fun, kind of.”

“Really?”

Tommy nods. “Next time, we’ll, uh… only one of us will try it.”

☆○☆○☆

When Tommy returns home, he expects to find the pavilion empty. After all, he’s been gone for hours now, and there’s no way whatever Bubby and Coomer were doing would last that long. And besides, there are better places to hang out than the Viewing Pool.

But, surprise! Bubby and Coomer are still there, and they’re not alone either. The Gods of Fire and Strength have been joined by the Gods of Chaos and Order, and all four of them have shit-eating grins on their face.

“Uh, hey,” Tommy waves, and Benrey begins snickering. “What’s, um… what’s so funny?”

“Tommy’s got a crush!” Bubby blurts out. Coomer elbows him.

Tommy goes rigid. “What…? W-were you guys watching me?!”

Apparently that’s enough confirmation for everyone else. Coomer pulls Tommy down into a headlock, Gordon begins grilling him for the specifics, Benrey starts cracking jokes, and Bubby is cackling.

Great. Perfect.

Curse this wonderful family!

[wylanvenk]

Alright, here we gooooo

Thanks to @uberimmortal for tagging me, I had a lot of fun coming up with answers for these 😄 Also sorry it’s been forever but I was in the middle of exam season hooray ahaha

1. Bazam! You just invented a new language! What is this language called and what is one unique aspect of this language?

My new language is called Marvaryan and its unique aspect is that only people fated to save someone’s life can speak it/ understand it. Does that make sense? Probably not.

2. What is something you like to snack on in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep and you’re five chapters away from the end of that damned story?

Alright so here’s the thing. I don´t leave my room during the night EVER, unless I’m literally dying to go to the bathroom. I’m not venturing out there in pitch dark honey, no way. And no, I´m not in fact 5 years old, shut up. So technically, no snack. If I wasn’t a chicken however, cashews :)

3. What show did you project on as an insecure youth and now fills you with shame and anxiety every time you hear it now?

Oh god that´s a hard question ahahah there’s nothing really coming to mind to be honest. Well actually probably star vs the forces of evil lmaooooo I never finished it but I was weirdly into it once upon a time and now I.....just can’t think about it.

4. Wowza! You’re such a cool person you’ve become a new deity! What are you the supreme being of?

Alright so I feel like I could give several different answers to this one ahaha but I’m going with goddess of found families. Imagine, for example, a group of people lost, alone, not fitting anywhere or just down on their luck and one of my powers would be to like twist the strings of fate a little bit to make sure all these people’s paths would cross and bam! found family. Finding the best people to “guide” together, depending on their needs and such. See what I’m getting at? Yeah. Another one that comes to mind would be something related to sleep/dreams.

5. What are some books/shows/music that you’re currently hyperfixating on so I can join you in your strange source of serotonin?

Love this question, perfect for me. Alright so I’m basically hyperfixating on the an for the game series at any given time, recently I had a nostalgic resurgence of my younger self love for the power of five by Anthony Horowitz (which literally nobody knows about). And also I’ve been getting more and more curious about the podcast The Magnus Archives, but I’m slightly reluctant to get into it because of the horror, as you may have deduced from the second question.

6. Football’s out, golf is out, every single sport is out. What new pastime takes over mundane society?

Fuck man, have you seen what’s mainly on my tumblr? Reading. 

7. If you have any fic outlets (ao3, ff.net, etc) feel free to drop them bc i’m going to support the shit out of you. This is not a question. (but really only drop this if you’re comfortable ajsksk i’m not gonna twist your arm lmao)

I got nothing sorry. Although I love writing, I’m more on the reader’s side.

8. You dream of silver and gold. The silver and gold love you. You love the silver and gold. But the silver and gold are liars and they want to take everything away from you, the dirty bastards. Now, what does the silver and gold represent?

..... damn. Getting real here uh? My high expectations in friendship or any other types of relationships really :)

9. You are a strong, independent bad ass individual who loves no man! Then that stupid fairy godperson whacks you with their magical pool noodle. Now you love ONE man. Who is this man?

Ethan Nestor. A youtuber I found out thanks to quarentine and honestly all I have to say is: “not all men” you’re right, Ethan Nestor would never do this.

10. In a show of great prowess, you stole the magic pool noodle and have cured yourself of the plague of love! Mystery man is no longer a threat! What is your first use of the magic pool noodle (world peace and world domination are not! options!)

Omg did you hear? Apparently Donald Trump and all other world leaders who share his ideology have suddenly given up power and confess to all the crimes they’ve actually comitted throughout the years... They were asked why the sudden change of heart but none of them was really able to explain what caused it. How odd.

11. Some would argue memories are all that we are. These people are full of shit :) If you lost all your memories, no strings attached to anything, what do you think your instincts would have you do with your life?

Well...find out what the fuck had happened and why my head was suddenly an empty void I guess. Not gonna lie I get pretty attatched to people so this would be quite the event™ and I have no idea how I would act tbh ahahah

12. But memories are still pretty cool so thank goddess we still have ours! Read the following words: honey, dusk, cosmos. What memory does each provoke in you?

Honey: Instantly reminded of when I was little and saw The Secret Life of Bees. I remember not quite catching all of it because again, I was pretty young, but the movie really stuck with me. Dusk: dusk reminds me of one particular car trip with my parents when we were returning from my grandparent’s house, the sun was setting through the middle of the trees, even though it still wasn’t quite dusk. Cosmos: going to the planetarium when I was young and just any night outside when I stretched my neck back and fell in love with the stars all over again.

13. The last photo of a physical object (people are not objects! heh) in your camera roll is what you have to eat for the rest of your life. What is your eternal dish?

Looks like my new diet is exclusively made of dental floss. Lovely.

14. Aha! You have discovered a rare breed of snails! You have two options: become one with the snails, or destroy their evil kind forever! What do you do? And why?

I’m not sure I can handle all that slime. Bye snails.

15. Thanks to your disgustingly superb actions, you are now a famous celebrity that everyone loves! What are some things you would like your following to know about you? (make it real, lads)

I’d make a terrible celebrity first of all. But this: I love my friends with my entire heart, it takes me a while to feel confident enough to share some things about me, hate feeling like I’m annoying people or that people are angry at me, and if I’m sleep deprived I became a not very nice human being.

I tag @idnis, @fahey, @mavencalore, @ronanlyneh and @ravenclairee. Have fun!

[ittakesrain]

Track Your Shit

I sat on the couch in my psychiatrist’s office with my arms crossed and steam billowing out of my ears.

“Are you on cocaine?” he asked without a hint of sarcasm.

“No,” I shot back, completely bewildered but appropriately defensive.

“Then you’re bipolar.”

Yup. That was how I was diagnosed.  And to my memory, that was really the only major piece of information my psychiatrist gave me that day.  There was no supplemental information given to me, no sort of enlightenment or introduction into the all-consuming project that would be managing my difficult and sometimes debilitating condition, and I left the office with what felt like a really random label and a higher dose of Abilify.  I was nineteen years old, I was a chemistry major in college, I’d kicked the hell out of an eating disorder, and I was bipolar. The facts didn’t matter too much. Right?

Over the next several years, I really didn’t hear the word “bipolar” all too frequently, in or out of my psychiatrist’s office, despite the increasingly, uh, intense fluctuations in my moods and energy as well as steadily growing anxiety and irritability. Weird, am I right? For a diagnosis that impacts pretty much all aspects of a person’s life, in one way or another, to not be mentioned nearly enough times? There are more fitting words, but sure, we’ll go with ‘weird.’

By the time I graduated college, I knew my diagnosis was playing a larger role in my life that I originally assumed it would.  I started keeping track of when I took my meds (and with that tried not to miss any doses). I recorded my moods more frequently.  I did some cursory research into my disorder. And I finally started noticing patterns in my cycle and knew to watch out for specific warning signs.  And mind you, doing all of that was a pretty big accomplishment for someone who was given virtually no guidance. Not to mention a medication regime that was significantly lacking.

The first thing I realized was that my episodes often began with feeling “emotionally itchy,” or “like I want to rip my face off” and “jump out of my skin and out of who I am as a person.” Thanks to the knowledge I have now, I can use different language to describe what actually goes on as I inch ever closer to a major episode. I become incredibly irritable and experience what’s called “dysphoric mania.”  I have the racing thoughts and flight of ideas that come with manic episodes, meaning my brain is running at a million miles a minute and I can’t keep myself focused on one idea long enough to think it through, but it’s not what anyone would call a happy feeling (not that mania is to be confused with mere happiness). In my dysphoric state, I have too much energy, so much so that it physically hurts me as it swells from within me and threatens to burst open at any second.  I often cut myself in such a state because I need the assumed and metaphorical emotional release as well as the physical release of endorphins in response to injury.

Then I began to see that if I missed my meds for any period of time longer than a day or two, I felt the effects about two weeks later. If I forgot (or “forgot”) to take my Abilify for let’s say a full week, I’d be in the middle of a relentless and torturous depression in about fourteen days. Sidenote, I shouldn’t have missed ANY days of meds, but lo and behold, I wasn’t exactly warned all too well against it. But to see a pattern, to determine the cause of a specific (and dramatic) dip in my moods, was hugely influential in my life. Not to mention, it brought me to google how the medication I was prescribed actually works. And, spoiler, every single human being who is prescribed any medication at all should be aware of what the fucking medication does and how it works and all of that. Seriously. So important. Turns out Abilify is “long acting” and takes about two weeks to leave my system.

Furthermore, Abilify is a type of drug called an “atypical antipsychotic.” Those types of drugs are frequently used as mood stabilizers. They’re the second generation of drugs that you’ve probably seen being used on dramatic medical shows or movies about psychiatric hospitals that knock people who are acting “insane” out. They’re used as tranquilizers. Haldol is an example of one that works fast and Thorazine is an example of one that works somewhat slower. Those are called typical antipsychotics. Atypicals like Abilify have fewer side effects. They work to influence serotonin (the neurotransmitter sometimes called the “happy molecule”) as opposed to blocking signals from dopamine (the “pleasure and reward” neurotransmitter).

Right. So as you see I’ve become fairly well-versed in the goings-on of impending episodes and the key pieces of information surrounding them. Again, this is phenomenally helpful. But my point is that I should have been given this information from the get-go. I should’ve been prepared and taught, should’ve been armed with education given to me by a human being who knew what the fuck was happening to me and how bad it would potentially get if I didn’t have the fucking said information! I got there myself, and I’m damn proud of myself for doing so. And it still brings me peace of mind and a sense of control to research bipolar disorder, and learn new things about treatments and meds and biochemistry, and to work through my recorded moods and symptoms to find existing patterns or warnings. But for fuck’s sake, why wasn’t I told about the importance of recording the fluctuations or about psychoeducation as a tremendously powerful tool?

Alright alright, not going to continue dwelling on the past and how I was royally screwed (at least not in this particular blog post). Because as I look to the future, I know things will at the very least make more sense. I’ll at least be able to understand this bullshit and from there hopefully combat it better.

Which brings me to a few months ago as I began to embark on a new and more um, intense journey of self-discovery and understanding –which, in turn, is allowing me to feel significantly less dread about my eventual (and inevitable?) next episodes. It started when I wound up in the emergency room for the first time in October 2018 when a depressive episode took a terrible turn for the worse. I was 27 years old and at the end of my rope. Exhausted from years of worsening symptoms and my cries for help going unheard, my begging and pleading remaining unnoticed, I collapsed into chaotic despair.

The good that came from that particular visit to rock bottom was that I subsequently found a therapist (no, I hadn’t been in therapy previously and yes, that was really dumb) who is literally the coolest person ever, in addition to being really fucking good at what she does. And a few months after that, my amazing therapist helped me find a better psychiatrist, and from there we all began the arduous task of getting my act together and trying to stabilize the shitshow of my life.

As it turns out, since I was on a medication that didn’t do much for me for such a long time, my bipolar disorder was able to “mature.” To further develop and overall just get worse. Literally look it up. It’s a known thing that bipolar worsens if left untreated, and I absolutely feel that mine at the very least wasn’t being treated properly. Lucky me.

But since beginning to see my therapist in November and my new medication provider in February, I’ve learned like, so so so much. I know to stop and breathe when I start to get worked up, because I know I have gone for long periods of time without inhaling and exhaling like a functioning human. I know that I fidget around and repeat purposeless motions (“display signs of psychomotor agitation”) because it comforts me when I’m anxious. I know I have issues with control, with the desire to feel safe, with things that aren’t fair.

Also. Insomnia is a huge red flag for me and for the majority of bipolars. It’s both a symptom of approaching mania and a trigger for it. Meaning, when you start staying up all night long, you’ve gotta find a way to get some sleep before it gets worse and leads to an episode. It also means that you can’t voluntarily pull all-nighters (if you can help it) because that might land you in the middle of a manic break as well. And as if that wouldn’t suck enough, a despairing depression would most certainly follow the agitated (hypo)mania.

Alcohol is another one. Now, I’m not huge on drinking. I never partook in any of that before I was of legal age anyway (which is perhaps a testament to my nerdy younger self haha), and once I started drinking, I had trouble getting past the gross taste. I still do. But when I drink as an adult (which I haven’t done in a few months, mind you), I drink to get fucked up. So basically, I drink in a way that’s literally terrible for my bipolar. It’s a cycle, too.  I’ll have a bad day and come home and take five shots of fireball, and I get shitfaced so I have a terrible day the next day. It’s similar to insomnia in that it perpetuates itself and that I’ve gotta be responsible about it.

[On that note, by the way, I should say that maintaining stability involves quite a few key things (such as sleep hygiene, med compliance, the nutrition you fuel your body with, the way you move your body, being mindful and having the ability to focus on breathing, following pre-set routines, your support system, your coping skills and crisis-management tools, and your healthcare professionals…to name a few). It’s imperative to keep up with each thing to prevent all hell from breaking loose.]

I’ve also come to see that, for whatever reason, my major episodes usually have a definitive end but not a clearcut start. As in, I can identify the specific day my depression ends, but the irritability and frenetic energy and aggressive outbursts start out kind of slowly and increase steadily until my moods surrender into despondent melancholy. At this point, I believe the phenomena has to do with my tendency to ruminate and nearly drown in repetitive thoughts. I really struggle with redirecting my brain away from negatives. It could also be because of my coexisting ADHD, but either way, I can’t knock myself out of a bad mood as easily as most people can. So even something small going wrong has the potential to send me spiraling. I can’t think myself out of it. But I can easily make it worse –by ruminating and letting the negatives repeat like a broken record in my head. The decline, therefore, moves like a ball rolling down a ramp. On the opposite end of a “crazy spell” (as I called them way back in the day before I learned all this enlightening information) we have the ball being yanked back up as if it was attached to a string or something. As in, something good can happen that completely “snaps me out” of a major depression. It’s wild to think about. Like, fuck, why can’t more good things happen? Maybe then I’d spend less time wanting to die. I have, however, come to learn how to put myself in the line of things that have the potential to knock me off the crazy train. File that under “bitchin’ coping skills.”

Thanks to psychoeducation, I’ve also come to understand some of my personality traits. I’ve often called myself “volatile.” I fly off the handle fairly quickly, I accelerate from zero to 100 faster than the Kinga Ka roller coaster at Six Flags. My therapist calls it being reactive, and I prefer that phrasing now. My reactivity is part of my personality, but I understand it more clearly by looking at it through the lens of what I know about bipolar disorder. Similarly, in addition to reacting more, I react bigger. I guess some people might call it being dramatic, but again, I prefer to think of it in terms of how my therapist explained it: I’m wired intensely. I feel things in a bigger way. She once said something along the lines of “you can light up a city with your emotions,” and I don’t think she used the word emotions, but that was the gist. My intensity if a part of who I am. And honestly, as much as it can be super annoying and anxiety-producing, it’s not all bad and I choose to label it as a good thing.

Oh, and I pretty much knew this already, but I like to write/type because in my bipolar brain, the thoughts move more quickly than my mouth can move. It causes me to stutter, or stumble over my words, or lose my train of thought because I didn’t say something the right way and I can’t make my mouth move in a way to correct myself because I have fifteen thousand other thoughts flying through my mind and I can’t focus on any of it now. I exhibit pressured speech. Oh yeah, that’s one of my faves.

Thanks to psychoeducation, I’ve learned why I cling to my routines with a death-grip. Doing so is legitimately helpful to people with bipolar. Which is why going on vacation or starting a new job or a new chapter in life can throw bipolar people off in such grand ways. Circadian rhythms are screwy in us. We need to work hard to keep that shit in check. And the sleep-wake cycle and yes, routines, are part of that.

Okay then. With all of this knowledge being attained and a few more trips to rock bottom (and the emergency room) since October 2018…here I am. Still holding on, and doing better at that holding than I have in a while. A month and a half of normalcy without anything rocking the boat? I feel pretty damn good, thank you very much.

Oddly enough, stability can be just as scary for me as the complete and utter chaos of the rest of it. Like, now I have no excuses for not moving forward. Ugh, I have to move forward. But ya know what, I will. Because I’ve got the bipolar symptoms under control at the moment. There’s really nothing stopping me, so I’m sure as hell not gonna stop me.

Keeping records is absolutely fucking necessary. I’ve got no choice but to record my moods, anxiety, and irritability. I’ve gotta take my meds every fucking day and keep track of if I ever miss a day (which I shouldn’t). I need to write down other factors that play a role, such as my periods and when I have therapy and life stressors and stuff like that.

It’s taken, holy shit, so much work to acquire the awareness I currently have. And moving forward will require consistently working on what I know and actively seeking more information. But dude, I’ve come this far. I’m not gonna stop now.

[themanicdepressivelesbian]

It's honestly just surreal. Waking up in a different bed. Starting a whole new routine after mastering one. Your life gets flipped upside down, turned inside out. Change is an awful thing most of the time. But the best thing you can do I learned, is just pick up the pieces and move on. Dwelling too long on things can destroy you.

The hardest part about living with a mental illness is being and becoming destructive. Dealing with manic episodes, depressive episodes. Dissociation probably has to be the worst. Or maybe it's actually when you just can't feel literally anything. Actually, I take that back. Hurting those you care about is the worst. Being so capable of so many feelings and being so empathetic. When you hurt those you care about, you tend to hurt yourself just as much. This doesn't make it okay though. Nothing could. The thing about mental illnesses and destructive disorders, is you genuinely have to learn how to handle them. If you don't take the time to master the art of preventative care, then you're going to be in a constant downward spiral. You need to learn to pick and choose who needs to be in your life, keeping the good ones around; cutting loose those who have earned no right to be there. You need to prepare a supportive ring of positive people around you. People who are willing to help you change, and people who are ready to take on whatever it is you might throw at them. Depression, manic disorders, anxiety disorders, and personality disorders.. When you put then all together it's a ticking time bomb. One that rapidly heals itself and prepares to counter every decision you make. One minute you can be on top of the world and ready to take every challenge head on. The next though? You might have no way of knowing.

An important thing to do with mental illness is seek help. It might not get better with out help from those around you. And it's important to know that sometimes you will need help, or have to help yourself. So be careful who you build those walls around and between.

Communication with your disorder(s) is the hardest thing to accomplish, if you want me to be honest. Once you learn those little cues that tell you a shift is about to happen (this took me months to even get close to predicting, but I vividly remember the first time I predicted, reacted and prevented.) You need to be able to tell those around you. It's as simple as saying "hey, I feel an episode coming on, so I'm going to go do *insert distraction or self treatment to help yourself through it*." Or "hey, you know what? I'm not feeling well, I'm going to go lay down."

Sometimes self treating and preventing is as simple as meditating, or blasting a song that brings back good memories. Sometimes you might need to scream into a pillow or just burst into tears. And sometimes, you just need to be held, or surrounded by people who empower you. But it's important to learn how to prevent these things. It's also important to take responsibility for when your demons win the battle inside your mind. This is where your empathy plays a big part. If you're an empathetic person, it's a lot easier to hold yourself responsible for how you treat others. I've come a long way in terms of empathy. I've always been empathetic, but dissociation can make it hard to hold on to your empathetic quality. My biggest policy has also always been honesty is a necessity. Because it is. Little white lies, even as simple as saying you're fine, when you're not can destroy you. It can make people distance themselves from you and close up because they learn to distrust you, fear you. Or even think you distrust or fear them. Bottling up your feelings is another thing you need to toss aside. When you bottle them up, you burst. You don't get to control when that happens either. The last thing you should do is hurt those around you because you're hurting. It's so hard to master the ability to prevent it from happening.

Another extremely important thing to remember is that asking for or needing extra help does not make you weak. Not everyone can do this on their own. You aren't weak if you have to take a pill. You're sick, your body functions and works different than healthy people. Think of medication like a vitamin. Some people have calcium or iron deficiency, so what do they do? They Take vitamins, medications. Cancer patients get treatments such as chemotherapy. Your pills or therapist does not make you weak. In fact, it's the opposite. You made the decision to win this. To become bigger than yourself and the demons in your head. That's another thing. You need to choose help. Help does not always just fall into your lap.

The biggest complaint people like us have is that no one cares until it's too late. Five hundred people will come together to grieve over your loss, but no one will send you that text first or call to make sure you're okay. But think about that. That doesn't make them a bad person. How far and how well have you become at hiding your emotions? Wearing that fake smile and having that giggle and uplifting tone when you say you're fine. No one can read your mind. You need to choose to let people in. It's going to hurt at first, especially because you’re going to realize a lot of people may not be able to, or want to be there to help you. But that’s okay. That’s what I touched on earlier, those are the ones you need to cut out, or at the very least distance yourself from. Just remember to let people in, and not shut them out. It’s hard, it’s terrifying. But it is so damned worth it. You’re worth it.

Self love is another incredibly important thing. This also touches in line with getting rid of people who are toxic and have no place in your life. Self love is one of the hardest things to do for people like us. Our mind constantly poisons us with the thought that we aren’t worth it, we aren’t beautiful. Especially when and if you have scars. Self love can also be terrifying. Trying to change the view you have of yourself is oh so easy though. It seems difficult at first, but once you learn how to control your thoughts, your emotions.. God does it come easy. 

I hate to sound cliché because one of the lines people like me hate the most is when people tell you to get out and exercise or just go do something you enjoy. However, this is another thing that is so important. If you have any of the mental illnesses I do, your brain has an incredibly difficult time producing certain chemicals. Exercise can release endorphins that help you feel better. Medication can help you produce serotonin. Therapy can you understand yourself better. It doesn’t have to be professional therapy, it might be as much as discussing something with a close friend. Just remember, you are not their sole responsibility and they have themselves to look after as well. So you need to make sure you don’t rely solely on people who have their own stuff to deal with. Also remember that other peoples thoughts and lives can be just as difficult as yours is. So don’t be put down if they don’t respond right away, can’t help or don’t know what to say. Everyone’s life is different. You never know what someone might be going through. 

“None of us can make everyone better, all we can hope for is that we positively influence anyone who crosses our path.” 

Let that sink in for a moment. Especially if you’re new to self help, or any aspect of this. You yourself can be so hurt or put down by the littlest things, you know how terrible it feels. Why would you ever wish that on someone else? Or maybe you’re reading this because you know someone who struggles like I do, and in that case? You see how negatively people like me can be influenced by certain things. It might hurt you to see someone feel like I do. Yes, sometimes it’s over stupid things, and no you shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells. If you hurt someone over something you did not think would have that negative effect on by doing something, be empathetic. Sometimes all you have to say is “Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t know this would hurt you that way.” Words can go such a damned long way. So can taking responsibility for your words. Try to always be uplifting and positive. Some days that might seem impossible, but honestly? There is already so much negativity in this world. Don’t be another downer. You can only dig down so far until you hit the core and melt away, or you succumb to pressure. But lifting up? Some people say the sky is the limit. It’s not. Another thing to remember, no matter which side of this situation you are in, is that space is important. Some people need more than others. You need to learn to respect peoples boundaries and needs. This can be challenging at first, but the things that come the hardest are always worth the most. Challenges can be so rewarding. They may be difficult, but a lot of things are. 

Bottom line is remember to take care of yourself. Try your best to think about things before you do them. Stop letting the demons in your head control your thoughts. At the end of the day, you may need a lot of outside influence to get better. But YOU need to choose that path. 

Smile, let the sun shine. Even on your darkest days, the sun will still rise. Do not let your own life bring you down. In death, we remember everything we wanted to live for. So do not let yourself get to that deep dark pit. The journey is exhausting. But it is SO worth it. 

Be strong. Be uplifting. Become the things that this world needs to become a better place, especially for yourself. 

[ahmiyahstanton97]

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