#i feel terrible BUT the serotonin that comes with the fact that people actually did this outweighs the bad

[gardenof--eden]

I forgot i had this link I'm so sorry these are literally MONTHS old 😭😭😭

thank you sm?? <33

hullo!!! <33

moop!!!

[jungshookz]

hwayoung’s two now and y/n’s allowed to be emotional about it, okay?

➺ genre; ceo!yoongiverse!! a little bit of yoongi and y/n being mushy for each other!! fluff!! cutest drabble for the cutest girl!! jungkook and jimin bickering like an old married couple as per usual!! 

➺ wordcount; 3.2k

➺ p.s. this drabble is approximately five months overdue and it’s basically been collecting dust in my drafts so i figured i’d finally release it into the wild since it’s mother’s day today and i thought it’d be nice to read something sweet on this special day!!!! happy mother’s day!!! give ur mom a big ol hug and a kiss on the cheek :-) and if u don’t celebrate mother’s day that’s okay you can still read this for a small boost of serotonin wahoo :D 

                                       »»————-　🍰　————-««

“i’d just like to inform you that if it wasn’t for the fact that today is hwayoung’s birthday, the idea of having cake as part of breakfast would definitely be off the table.” yoongi pauses before turning his head to look at you pointedly, “in fact, it wouldn’t even had made it to the table in the first place.”

“trust me, you’ve made that clear multiple times-” you roll your eyes playfully before offering yoongi a half-hearted shrug, “it’s not a big deal! we’ll just give her a tiny little chunk that’ll fit in her tiny little hand and then we’ll save the rest for later!”

“yeah, right-” yoongi snorts, making his way over to you to hand you a balloon, “you’re probably going to sneak an entire slice of cake into her mouth while i’m not watching-” he teases, digging his fingers into your sides playfully before wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you back against his chest, “you think you’re so sneaky-”

“hey-!” you giggle, squirming in his grip when you feel him starting to nip at the side of your neck, “this is not a very productive use of our time, boss-”

“hey, you two! are you just going to stand there making out all day or are you actually going to help me with the decorations?”

both you and yoongi peer over the edge to see jimin standing by the bottom of the spiral staircase looking very unimpressed and you flash him a sheepish smile 

“we’re not making out-” 

“yeah, well you might as well be-”

“we’re helping! we’re almost done tying balloons to the banisters-” you argue, holding the balloon in your hand up before flopping it around enthusiastically, “we-” you jolt when you accidentally let go of it, watching with wide eyes as it rockets around the ceiling before poot-poot-pooting pathetically and landing on the ground by jimin’s feet

whoops

“…yes, that’s very helpful, thank you.” jimin mutters to himself, shaking his head as he bends down to pick up the sad, spitty balloon up off the ground with a grimace, “when you’re done, come down and help me because this balloon arch isn’t going to make itself! chop-chop, people-” he claps his hands together as he wanders back to the living room to the half-constructed balloon arch

“you know, you’d think that hwayoung was his daughter-” yoongi murmurs lowly, twisting his neck to give your cheek a quick kiss before pulling away

“mm, tell me about i-”

“she’s mine when the two of you drop dead!”

you jump in surprise at the sound of jimin’s voice snapping at you from below and you and yoongi exchange glances before bursting into quiet giggles

“i feel like i should be more concerned that jimin seems to be very eagerly waiting for our deaths.” you joke, reaching for the bag of balloons and pulling out a handful of them

as much as you love your daughter you weren’t planning on having a super big birthday party for her just because..,., well, she’s probably not going to remember most of it considering she’s two and also it’s just the five of you celebrating at home, so you thought that a cake and a bunch of presents would be good enough of a celebration

of course, when you told jimin about these plans he looked like he was ready to bury you alive which is why he insisted that he’d take care of the food and the drinks and basically the entirety of hwayoung’s birthday party and told you that all you and yoongi had to do was sit back, relax, blow up a couple of balloons and also choose a cute birthday outfit for hwayoung

(jimin actually ended up taking over that part as well. he bought her a new birthday dress and a brand new pair of shoes to go with it.)

“everyone can relax! the star of the show has now arrived!”

the sound of the front door slamming shut suddenly shatters the silence and you smile lightly when you see jungkook sauntering in as if he owns the place

“good morning, kook.” you hum, jungkook looking up at you before offering you a lopsided grin, “actually, the star of the show is still fast asleep in her room.”

“oh, right-” jungkook snorts, dismissing you with a flick of his wrist, “i mean, yeah, of course this is hwayoung’s special day- but check it out! i picked up her birthday cake and brought it back here and i didn’t accidentally ruin it somehow!” he raises the big blue box in his hand with a beam, “i’m incredible!”

“that thing looks huge, jungkook!” you frown lightly, “i told you not to go crazy-”

“please tell me you didn’t max out my credit card buying a giant cake for hwayoung.” yoongi chimes in, leaning over and folding his arms atop the banister, “i hope you realise it’s just going to be the three of you having to eat it all-”

“it’s hwayoung’s birthday, i had to splurge! you know that ‘everything is cake’ trend? i ordered a custom cake and asked them to make it look like a giant cookie! but i also ordered a dozen chocolate chip cookies just in case she’s not into the cake.” jungkook smiles proudly before pausing, “…of course, knowing hwayoung, she’s going to love the cookies and the cake, so i’m not too worried. i’m going to see if i can shove these into the fridge-”

“what’s wrong?” yoongi nudges your side to get you to look at him, “you look like you’re thinking, which is never really a good thing-”

“hwayoung’s two now.” you blink twice before turning to look at yoongi, “she’s two.”

“yes. you’re very good at keeping track of our daughter’s age.” yoongi coos, reaching up to pinch your cheek playfully, “good job, baby.”

“two years old!” you gasp, turning around to lean back against the railing before shaking your head, “my god, she’s aged.”

“oh my god, you’re right. the ripe old age of two.” yoongi teases before gasping dramatically and reaching over to grip onto your forearm, “soon, we’ll be thinking about what elementary school to send her off to... and then the next thing you know, we’ll be helping her look for her own apartment when she’s off at university... and then you’ll be going wedding dress shopping with h-”

“stOP stop stop stop-” you wave your hands before covering them over your ears, yoongi laughing lightly when you frown at him, “i don’t want her to turn two! because that means she’s going to turn three… and then she’s going to turn four… and then five, six, seven, eight-” you pause and your eyes suddenly widen in horror, “she’s going to be a sixteen year old one day- what if she turns into a bratty sixteen year old?? because i was a really bratty sixteen year old and i don’t want her to turn out like me! do you know how hard it’s going to be if she turns into me? i used to sneak home at four in the morning-”

“let’s keep in mind that hwayoung is also my daughter and i was not a bratty sixteen year old,” yoongi interrupts calmly before giving your arm a reassuring squeeze, “she’s gonna be fine! and you turned out great, so give yourself a little bit of credit-”

“i just want her to stay two forever.” you pout, crossing your arms stubbornly as you look down the hallway towards her room, “is that too much to ask for??”

“when the terrible twos hit, i guarantee you’re probably going to feel a little different.” yoongi teases, pushing himself up off the banister before gesturing for you to go and join jimin and jungkook downstairs, “why don’t you help jimin out with the balloon arch while i go and wake our little miss two year old up?”

                                      »»————-　🍰　————-««

yoongi presses his lips together tightly as he twists the doorknob, being careful not to make too loud of a sound to accidentally shock hwayoung awake

the last thing he wants is for to burst into tears at the start of her special day

he peers into the bedroom, smiling fondly when he sees a little lump under the covers shuffling a little 

a chubby sock-clad foot pokes out for a second before it disappears again

“이게 누굴까요? [hm… who’s that]?” yoongi asks quietly, the lump suddenly freezing in place, “드디어 일어나셨네요… [i think someone’s finally awake…]”

he tilts his head when a messy head of hair pops out from under the covers, the corners of hwayoung’s mouth immediately lifting in a bright smile when she spots him, “우리 공주 좋은 아침입니다! [oh! good morning, miss min!]”

he lets himself into the room and reaches over to click the white noise machine off before starting to quietly pad his way over to her, his heart melting in his chest when her mouth opens up in a quiet little yawn

“잘 주무떠뜹니까… [gub moming…]” hwayoung murmurs, eyelids fluttering slightly as yoongi reaches down to push some of her hair out of her face

“잘 잤어? [hi, baby… did you sleep well?]” yoongi asks, leaning down to scoop her up, “우리 화영이 생일 축하해… 밑에서 다 기다리고 있어... [happy birthday, my darling… we’re all waiting for you downstairs...]” he whispers, rubbing circles into her warm back when she immediately clings to him, “머리에 물 좀 묻히고 내려갈까? 머리가 아주 산발이네. [why don’t we freshen up a little, hm? the birthday girl can’t take pictures with a bird’s nest on her head.]”

“딴바. [birb’s ness.]”

                                      »»————-　🍰　————-««

“i hope she likes the present i got for her.” jungkook mutters, his foot tapping anxiously against the ground as he looks up towards the top of the stairs in anticipation of hwayoung’s arrival, “i mean, if she doesn’t like it, there’s a receipt in the box so i can return it and get something else for her… but i really hope she likes it.”

“jungkook, she’s two. i gave her a wooden spoon to play with the other day and she was ecstatic.” you snort, peeling an eye open to look at him from where you’re lying on the couch before shutting it again, “i’m sure she’ll love whatever you got for her.”

“what’s the matter with you?” jimin hums, glancing at you for a second before focusing his attention back on sticking the bright pink ‘2’ candle onto the cake, “you look a little out of it today.”

“gee, thanks.” you snort, blindly grabbing one of the throw pillows before hugging it to your chest, “no, i’m fine, i just- i was feeling a little mopey this morning about hwa turning two and now i’m just thinking about how time has just flown by…”

“mm. it seems like it was only yesterday that i was holding your hair back while you violently puked your guts out into the toilet bowl.” jimin jokes, holding a hand to his chest before spinning around to face you and jungkook, “ah… fond memories that i’ll look back on for the rest of my life.”

“you know, i should’ve told yoongi i was pregnant in another way.” you suddenly change the subject, propping yourself up onto your elbows with a frown, “all i did was give him a tiny cookie. how lame is that?!”

“to be fair, you didn’t know how he was going to react, so maybe it was a good thing you went for something so simple!” jimin shrugs, making his way over to you before sticking his hand out for you to take, “c’mon, miss mopey. hwayoung probably doesn’t want to see you throwing yourself a pity party on her special day when she comes down here.”

                                     »»————-　🍰　————-««

“-화영이가 엄마한테가서 이쁜짓 해주는 거 어떨까? [-now, mama is feeling very emotional today, so i think it’d be a really good idea to act extra cute, okay?]” yoongi whispers to hwayoung, planting a quick kiss on her cheek while slowly making his way down the stairs, “of course, that probably isn’t going to be a problem for you, seeing that you’re adorable 24/7-”

“i adowbo.” hwayoung murmurs, leaning down and squishing her cheek against yoongi’s shoulder, “졸려. [i seepy.]”

“졸리다고? [sleepy?]” yoongi pauses on the steps, reaching up to adjust one of her pigtails with a smile, “이거 큰일났네, 졸리면 어떡해! [you can’t be sleepy for your morning conference. look alive!]”

“is that the sleepy little birthday girl?” 

yoongi looks down to see you waiting eagerly at the bottom of the stairs, your hands clasped together and your eyes glued on hwayoung, “good morning!”

“mama!” hwayoung immediately twists around in yoongi’s arms at the sound of your voice, reaching out for you with a teethy grin as soon as yoongi gets close enough to you

“oh, happy birthday, my sweet little baby!“ you coo as you take her into your arms, squishing multiple kisses to her chubby cheek as you hold her close, “happy happy birthday, my beautiful girl…”

“ahppa bouday!” hwayoung giggles, little hands patting against your face

she leans in and smushes her nose against yours before giving you a drooly kiss on the cheek and you can’t help but laugh at how affectionate she’s being with you

see??

you want to keep her like this forever and it sucks to think about the fact that one day you’re going to set her down on the ground after carrying her and you’ll never pick her up again because she won’t need you to pick her up again

:-(

“oh…” you sniffle, suddenly feeling your nose prickle and your eyes starting to get a little tingly, “i love you so much…”

you don’t get much of a chance to say anything else before hwayoung’s suddenly being plucked from your arms, both jimin and jungkook immediately starting to fawn over her as per usual

“우리 화영이, 공주님이 따로 없네! [look at how beautiful you are in your dress!]” jimin exclaims animatedly, hwayoung clapping her hands together in response

her dress is sage green and gingham and it even came with matching ribbons for her hair and you have to admit that jimin made a pretty good choice with this birthday outfit

you probably would’ve stuck her in a pair of overalls or something

“see, what’d i say?” jimin smiles proudly, smoothing down the back of hwayoung’s dress before looking over at jungkook, “i told you the sage green was cuter- 아니 빨간 걸 왜 ��혀 뭐 애를 도마로 만들 생각이니- [the red one that you wanted to go with would’ve made her look like a picnic blanket-]”

“아니 도마라니! [red gingham is classy!]” jungkook argues, trailing behind jimin while making faces at hwayoung to get her to laugh, “입혀보지도 않고- [you didn’t even give it a chance-]”

“난 그딴 거 염두에 두지 않는다 정국아- [i don’t need to give tacky garbage a chance, jungkook-]”

“hey, are you okay?” yoongi gives you a quick hug and kiss on the side of your head when he suddenly notices a tear running down your cheek, “she’s just turning two, y/n... she’s not moving out of the country-”

“i know, i know-“ you sniffle, reaching up to quickly wipe at your tears before chuckling, “i guess i’m just feeling extra emotional today-”

“c’mon, parents!” jimin calls out for you two while setting hwayoung down in her high chair, “the candle is melting and this cake is too expensive to get any wax dripped on it-”

“gookee!” hwayoung points to the cake and claps her hands as she bounces up and down on her seat, “gookee, mama!”

“yeah! cookie!” you mimic enthusiastically, smiling widely when she suddenly lets out a high-pitched squeal of excitement, her nose scrunching particularly cutely, “i’m glad to see that you inherited my love for cookies and not appa’s love for muesli.”

yoongi immediately scoffs and reaches down to give your bum a quick swat

“i know she’s saying cookie, but i’m just going to go ahead and say that she’s actually saying the name of her favourite uncle-” jungkook sighs, reaching down to pinch hwayoung’s cheek, “화영이는 꾹이 삼촌 제일 좋아하- [uncle gookee is your forever favourite-]”

“어 응 뉘에- [yeah, okay, whatever helps you sleep at night-]” jimin snorts, shoving the camera into his hands as the four of you stand in front of hwayoung, “okay, don’t touch the cake yet! let’s get some pretty pictures of the birthday girl first!”

“hwa, look into the camera!” jungkook coos, snapping his fingers to get her to look up at him, “그래 삼촌 한 번만 봐 봐- [look at uncle goo- yeah, there we go-]”  

you watch hwayoung fondly as she continues to ham it up for the camera, her little legs kicking in anticipation under the tray

“good girl, you’re being so patient.” you hum before reaching over to pluck a cookie from the open box, “ooh, i’ve been dying to sink my teeth into one of these-” 

“i had one earlier, they’re pretty good!” jimin nods, brushing past jungkook to get to you, “the bakery i ordered them from has, like five out of five stars one google review- hey, what’s that face for?”

“eugh- do the cookies taste a little funky to you?” you face screws up as you swallow the bite before holding the cookie up to take a closer look at it, “it’s just chocolate chip, right?”

“yeah- hold on, lemme try-” jimin frowns, reaching over to steal your cookie before taking a bite of it and chewing thoughtfully

“maybe you just got a weird one?” yoongi suggests, peering into the box with a frown, “all cookies taste funky to me, so my opinion probably isn’t valid here-”

“it’s fine, i’ll try another one later-” you dust your fingers off before perking up and clapping your hands together, “hey, should yoongi and i hop in for some pictures before hwa completely destroys the entire cake?”

“yeah, it… might be a little too late for that.” jungkook clears his throat and the three of you look over to see hwayoung’s tubby arms shoved elbow deep into the cake, “i gave her the green light to go ahead and eat. she just looked so sad and hungry, i’m sorry!”

hwayoung cackles in glee as she continues slapping her hand against the cake, her grubby little hands now sticky and her new dress stained with globs of frosting chocolate

“oh my god.” you stifle a laugh and reach up to cover your mouth so that you don’t burst out laughing at the fact that both jimin and yoongi look absolutely appalled

“i spent, like, ten minutes doing her hair-” yoongi whines, gently nudging you aside so he can hurry over to hwayoung and try to salvage the neat little pigtails he spent forever working on, “and now there’s frosting everywhere!”

“that dress was expensive, jungkook!” jimin snaps, and if you didn’t know any better you’d think he was about to burst into tears, “and i didn’t even get any nice pictures with her before she- come on, man-”

“i’m sorry!”

“ahppy bodday!” hwayoung shrieks in delight and flings her arms up, chunks of cake and specks of frosting flicking out from her hands, “i adowbo!”

👔click here for more ceo!yoongi content (+ hwayoung!)

🎙️help me help you make your wishes come true (send me a request!)

✨why don’t you explore the rest of the library while you’re here? (full fics!)

💫or perhaps you want something shorter to read? (drabbles like this one!)

🌟or something even shorter? (teeny tidbits!)

[zozophoenixxx]

Serotonin Booster :D🐉

How to train your dragon edition

Here are some things I had forgotten or little details I just noticed on my rewatch, maybe even Unpopular Opinions 🤭👀

✨Defenders of Berk✨

Not Astrid being pissed bc Fishlegs called her mean lmaooo

OMGGG "I would never call my father ridiculous. I'm calling my chief ridiculous" THE POWER OF THIS SCENE

The way Toothless just sat to look at the sunset.. Me too bby me too 🥺

Toothless and Thornado's shots combined was amazing!

"The first rule about the dragon flight club is that there is no dragon flight club"

Istg Meatlug and Fishlegs are made for each other

Baby whispering deaths!

OMG THEY JUST CAME UP WITH GRONCKLE IRON

I love seeing the origin of things ☺️

Wowww I just realized that Gobber has a unibrow

Sandstone makes glass

That shiny black rock makes another shiny black Rock, it also has Meatlug boiling

WOW a combination of multiple rock makes Meatlug a magnet

The way Hookfang pays more attention to Fishlegs than Snotlout is funny

Fishlegs on Toothless!!!!

"TOO MUCH FURY, TOO MUCH FURY!" JAHDHDHAH

Awwww love how Fishlegs feels happy abt being needed

DAGUR'S BACK AHH

I never understood why Dagur called Hiccup his brother but it's kinda funny

Young hiccup actually fighting is pretty badass and that shield 🥴

The way they were all trying to get Gobber to shower lmaooo

Gobber saved Gustav's life and Fishleg saved Astrid's

Am I the only one that finds the whispering deaths kinda funny, like yes they're scary but these mfs have tiny wings, a big ass head, are covered in spines and can't see like-

Newly hatched whispering deaths can be more deadly that adults bc they can't control their jaws or spines

WOW WOW WOWWWW A WHITE WHISPERING DEATH - Titanwing whispering death with red eyes OMG NO NO THIS IS THE SCREAMING DEATH I KNEW IT ‼️‼️

Wow but the pain in Snotlout's eyes 🥺

Monstrous nightmares are stoker-class dragons

Fireworms get brighter the closer they get to each other

Ohhhhh now I get the history behind Hookfang and the fireworms queen's connection

"You're not just another sword, Hookfang"

Awww the fireworm queen saved Hookfang, I ship them now JSHDHSHS

BABY ASTRID!! 🥺🥺🥺 AWWW

Flightmare - follows the glowing algae caused by Aurvandil's fire, sprays a paralyzing mist to those who it considers a threat to its survival

Aurvandil's fire = Aurora Borealis

YES ASTRID BEAT SNOTLOUT UP

Hiccup: Well, you know, Astrid, uh, training dragons isn't the only thing I think about.

Astrid: Are you actually saying that to me with a straight face?

JAHSHAHAJAJ I SWEAR I LOVE THESE TWO the way both of them said these lines I can't ✋🏼😂

The way she said the exact same thing as her uncle and even took on the name I-

I have this headcanon that bc I'm pretty sure Astrid's parents were barely mentioned in the shows or movies that her uncle was the person that was there for her the most which is another reason why it upset her to see people making fun of him

Why does whenever Astrid gets shot by a dragon she always tries to hit it off like her axe is a baseball bat? 😂

Hiccup saving Astrid in the flightmare ep🥺🥺🥺🥺

GLOWY TOOTHLESS AND GLOWY STORMFLY AND GLOWY MEATLUG ARE ADORABLE

Awww I love how Hiccup makes sure to mention the fact that "Fearless Fin Hofferson was indeed fearless, just like all the Hoffersons" 🥺🥺🥺 STOP AND THEN SHE SMILES AND HE PROCEEDS TO PUT HIS HAND ON HER SHOULDER I-🥴🥴🥴

I love how they're always interrupted whenever they're about to say a bad word

Lil terrible terrors are adorable 🥺

The fact that what they were trained for was actually useful it's crazy

Astrid: "no one is kissing me on the lips ever!!" HHSHAHAH ASTRID WHY U LYING

I feel like we don't appreciate how smart Hiccup actually is, and I don't mean that dragon-wise or building stuff-wise I mean in general. I'm in ep9 and they're finding old dragon traps to get rid of them and there was a lil breeze and he was like "there's a dry hot wind coming in from the north. It hasn't rained in 2 months. This is definitely fire weather." like how- am I the only one that would've been like okok a nice warm breeze 😩

Dude the typhoomerangs are so scary and huge wtf

I KNEW HE WAS TORCH

Torch actually built a lil relationship with Tuff just for that but of time I love it

WE'RE FINALLY GONNA SEE THE SKRILL!! I love it it's one of my favorite dragons :D

I never understood why fishlegs says his name when he's excited

Skrills - The skrill was first found frozen, it's the symbol of the Berserkers, it can stay safely frozen for decades because of their internal body temperature, can't redirect any lightning if it's in the water 😳

Y'all the skrill and the nightfury have gotta be related somehow, they're probably like cousins or sum. I mean the night fury is the "unholy offspring of lighting and death" and the skrill can control lightning AND TECHNICALLY TOOTHLESS CAN TOO REMEMBER HTTYD 3 + they also have similar physical characteristics at least Imo.

Dude this dragon is so badass 😌🤩🥰😩🥴❣️🤍🤝 I'm literally so obsessed

Wow one of the first times I see the twins actually doing sum useful

The way the shots combine🥴

Dagur has misophonia - condition where people experience intense negative emotions for sounds such as eating, chewing, loud breathing or even repeated pen-clicking [ep11]

Oh wow so they originally trapped the skrill in this show i didn't know

Wait but baby Gustav is actually adorable wtf and the fact that he and Snotlout have matching Viking hats

OMG SEE NOW I'M SEEING GUSTAV'S ORIGIN WITH HIS DRAGON AND HIS DESIRE TO BECOME A RIDER

Fanghook🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Ruff puts fish oil on her hair to get "a greasy unwashed look"

Really hate when Snotlout doesn't accept no for an answer

THE HAND THING AHHHH I LOVE IT this time is Ruff and a scauldron

Ok guys so I did this with mi friend's puppy who I accidentally scared enough to make him piss himself and I'm pretty sure I traumatized him and now when I'm around the poor dog tries to get as far away from me as possible but one day we were kinda bonding although he still wouldn't let me pet it AND I DID THE HAND THING BECAUSE WHY NOT AND THIS LIL MF ACTUALLY PUTS HIS FACE IN MY HAND- I screamed and he left again🥺😂 BUT IT DID WORK

Scauldy🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰😌☺️🤩🤍

Ok but ruffnut with short hair 🤩

Speedstingers

Also the way Astrid ran up to Hiccup in the ep14

Wait but the scene whenever they're fighting the Speedstingers and Fishlegs says they're too fast but Hiccup's like "not for a nightfury" and then they show Toothless dodging the Speedstinger's attack AND THEN THEY SHOW HICCUP PROTECTING HIMSELF WITH HIS SHIELD WHICH GETS THROWN AWAY BUT RIGHT THERE TOOTHLESS CATCHES IT AND THROWS IT BACK TO HICCUP who's like "Thanks bud" 🤩🤩🤩 literally so badass go watch it!! It's ep14 frozen min 17:40

I really liked the relationship Snotlout and Astrid created with each other's dragon 🥺

HOOKFANG'S WINGBLAST AND STORMFLY'S SINGLE-SPINESHOT ARE HELLA BADASS... I love how they worked together this time 🥺

DUDE JAHDHSJAJJJSA ppl really underestimate Ruff's cleverness, this bish really gets Tuff to do the dumbest things just to enjoy looking at him hurting himself JAHDHSJAH😂

TOOTHLESS REALLY JUST BIT AN EEL'S HEAD OFF TO SAVE HICCUP🥺

Baby toothless is high🥺

"Uh, okay. That one was a little close to the one good leg" JAHDHAHSHA ISTG I LOVE THIS DUDE

Johan hates Snotlout for breaking his stuff

Tuff got Macey the Mace from Trader Johan

Astrid looks hot without her shoulder pads

Ok but Dagur looks so weird without his viking hat in this show

The baby thunderdrums are adorable - BING BAM AND BOOM

NOOO STOICK JUST LEFT THORNADO 🥺

OHHH SO ALVIN WAS ACTUALLY FROM BERK and he was Stoick's best friend

Snotlout and Hiccup are parallels of Alvin and Stoick

Ok but that trick Snotlout did was amazing, he really had Hookfang do a lil typhoomerangs move and then the wingblast🤩

I FINISHED IT OMG NOW ONTO RTTE!!

[floraljae]

THE ART OF LOVING A VILLAIN | One

Pairing: Lee Taeyong x female reader

Themes: Hero x Villain dynamics, enemies to lovers, Hero!Taeyong, Villain! Reader, secret relationship, angst, fluff, Top tier (shitty) anime betrayals you people are going to beat me up for

Warnings: profanity, the villain is dumb, mention if a minor injury, blowing things up for funsies

Wc: 1.1k

Taglist : @jenophilia @sassyong @tenhyuckie @moanwalk @sicluvz @yutaalove @bluejaem @fullsunfluff @a10vely-yutazen @hhyungsuk @mirohtron @cupidtaes @adoreateez @at-the-end-of-your-letter @junglewoos @heephoriia @cofhees

Networks: @/ficscafe @neoturtles @kpopscape @whipped-kpop-creators @nct-writers @czennienet @kokonomi

Summary: Yet another forbidden rendezvous and you are try to figure out what you exactly feel about your lifelong nemesis.

Alternatively, illustrated band-aids from Taeyong make you feel questionable things.

A/N: I just hate how I love and hate this fic so much. @mirohtron is to blame, the reason I am stuck in my eternal hero x villain feels. I love writing this more than anything. It's quite personal as it reflects a lot of things I personally felt about the world around me haha.

This entire series is dedicated to @lebrookestore, a simp I l*ve with all my heart (even after what she does to me with all her fics ;-;)

The breath you were holding in for what seemed like ages escaped your lips. It was long, exhausted- a little frustrated, even. You hated waiting. And if it were the roof of just one of the thousands of skyscrapers in Seoul, the annoyance was definitely a little more. Waiting alone in those uneventful places was nothing but a mere waste of your time. There was nothing small enough to ruin or blowup for funsies, and you weren't heartless enough to blow up a whole building just out of sheer boredom.

It had been a tiresome day already. You'd attended classes, fed some cats on the way back to your lair and put up yet another power show to let people know they still had something to be afraid of. The air was unnervingly humid today, and your suit had stuck to your torso as if it were a drowning person who didn't know how to swim- holding onto a log of wood for dear life. Weird comparison (or metaphor, you couldn’t be arsed to even get it right), but you weren't the most poetic person.

You wondered how Taeyong would describe it. Sticky? Ew? You didn't know. He was one unpredictable being, well at least when he wasn't in his superhero suit (figuratively, he was just dumb and tended to miss a lot of shots when he puts on the crimson and black piece of clothing). Maybe he would just come up with a random word and try to make you believe it was real. He couldn't possibly lose to a villain! And especially not after what you did today. You could bet that the first thing he was going to do was sulk about you almost burning his perfect eyebrows to ashes during today's face-off.

You loved to see your enemy getting all riled up more than you'd admit. Maybe it was the villain inside you speaking. But his desperate attempts at winning an argument or the pout when he complained about causing the least damage to you were just too serotonin inducing.

When did he become such a big part of my life- you smile to yourself.

Truth to be told, he always had been one of the biggest parts of it. Whether you wanted to admit it or not.

"I'm sorry," a voice trails off right behind you, breathless, "I got-"

"Stuck in a bad traffic," you complete his sentence, your tone mocking and eyes trained on the night sky. The statement was his go-to excuse for when he’d show up late- which was almost every other day.

"Too busy trying to pick out a nice bandaid for you."

He corrects, leaning against the railing. You almost scoff at how cocky the hero sounded. You were supposed to be the cocky one here.

"Whatever."

And with that, for what seemed like an entire eternity, the both of you spent the time together in silence. He didn’t dare to mouth a single word- and neither did you. There was no malice behind what any of you wanted to say; but you didn’t even know what was holding you both back. It was becoming a habit, to be honest. Well, not in general because you still were very vocal about your own opinions everywhere else-- but not in the (almost regular) meetings with your arch nemesis.

Ironic how the both of you had so much to say when the cameras were flashing and the world he tried to protect watched. So many curses, insults, edgy slash extremely cocky remarks and frustrated warnings. But at times such as right now, your mind felt like a blank slate that had never been touched. It was comfortable though, no malice, no screaming- just comfort and some sort of warmth you hadn’t felt in ages.

Well, you were always the kind of person who thought, thinking before speaking was highly overrated (that too, was a product of capitalism in your opinion). And thus, you figured staying quiet at the forbidden rendezvous with your arch nemesis would be the best thing. He was a servant of the so-called good, after all. Righteous, sophisticated, well known and way too fragile for your own good.

“Everything’s okay,” you hear him break the silence.

“Huh?”

The hero smiles, spinning around on his heels to point at your surroundings.

“Intact, not a scratch!”

And as if the small toothy grin he’d been sporting was infectious, you felt a sudden urge to break into one as well. Anyone would mistake him for just another college student if they saw him like this, in a pair of washed denim and a shirt that he must've been wearing for the past ten days. More so, it would've been terribly difficult to believe that the otherwise calm and composed public charmer Onyxate talked like a kindergartener, always fumbling or just too excited to even properly finish his sentences at times.

“What is that supposed to mean, mr. onyxate?” you ask, biting back a smile.

Disappointed, the hero clicks his tongue. He grabs hold of your wrist, spinning your frame around as well. The brunet scans the surroundings again, “You actually didn’t blow out a single thing! That is some progress, I say.”

You scoff at his remark, “I am not that heartless, mr. hero.” But deep inside, you did know it was some kind of a progress, and of course, you wouldn't tell him that.

He chuckles, but doesn’t remind you of the time you did, as a matter of fact, had blown up a nearby water tank while waiting. He was like that, Taeyong loved believing in a better present- rather than an awful past.

The comfortable arms of silence yet again engulfs you into a warm hug. Taeyong silently studies the cuts on your hand, his slender fingers carefully caressing them. You almost let out a sound of sheer amusement as he finally takes out a few strips of band-aids he took so long to buy, the infamous printed medigrip ones for kids (that too the ones with spongebob on them), rips the adhesive, and focuses on nursing the now dry cuts.

You then look up to catch a glimpse of Taeyong’s face, just to find the moonlight washing his features in all its grace. Faint neon lights from the buildings surrounding blending with the moonlight to create hues across his profiles.You stop to admire his countenance and insides alike, thinking how someone could be so kind even to their enemy.

He was so pure, so charming. He had those beautiful brown eyes. The ones that were like a mirror which knew nothing but to reflect his innermost emotions, the ones that knew to see the best in everyone- including you, a villain who had spent more than half of her life cursing all things good. His trained hands were still gentle and soft unlike any other hero you had ever known. Tears well up in your eyes. And for once what seemed like a lifetime- you decided to let yourself get overcome with emotions.

He was the kind of person anyone, including you, couldn’t help but fall for, the kind of person you’d want to hold close to yourself, no matter what.

And it was at that moment that you realised that it wasn’t hate that you felt towards him, but admiration.

© FLORALJAE, 2021

[oh-no-my-hand-slipped]

You answered my last request with wondrous results, so I come to you again oh great writer and ask, have ye any prompts for a character who looks big and intimidating but is actually soft and shy?

(you're amazing, your prompts give me much serotonin, hope you're having a good day and enjoy making your writing as much as we love reading it!)

I wish you could see the schoolgirl kick and giggle I did reading this…thank you…

*looks at my notecards while hiding my blushing face behind them*

Alright, alright…sex…no, shy, there we are. And then…ah, yes, perfect! Soft but outwardly intimidating:

The right hand man (or woman/person) of a well-known criminal is a force to be reckoned with. They are big, strong, and always looks like they are planning their next murder. Even other people in the business are intimidated by them. However, everyone close to them knows that in any social circumstance that doesn’t involve bashing someone’s head in, they don’t have nearly as much strength or confidence. That’s why after waking up with a terrible head cold, the second in command of the most terrifying criminal in the city is afraid of causing too much trouble by calling in a sick day.

Someone has been told all their life to quiet down, to be gentle, to not take up too much space. Therefore, despite their physical size, they have trouble allowing themselves to assert their own existence. One day, their partner brings home a bouquet of flowers to spruce up the house - which the other is unfortunately allergic to. They try to stifle and swallow their sneezes, but it soon becomes to much. They let out desperate, wrenching sneezes, apologizing before every hitch. Their partner shushes them, and gives them the space to be as loud as their nose needs them to be.

The lord (lady/master) of a mansion is known for being a strict, stubborn fellow, and whose demand for good work ethic applies most of all to themselves. Their main butler carries out most of their orders, as their large frame and strong muscles come in handy. One morning, the butler walks in to find their master battling a fierce case of the sniffles, but losing miserably. With a sense of softness the butler rarely shows, the lord is taken care of, whether they allow it or not.

A couple both come down with a cold. The much smaller of the pair, A, gets it first, but recovers within a few days due to their partner’s, B, attentive care. However, almost as soon as A feels better, B joints begin to ache and their nose starts to run. By the next morning, B is completely bedridden. A is determined to take care of them, and tries their best - however, due to B’s size, it’s hard to give them the care they need. B keeps quietly saying that they’re alright, and that A doesn’t have to go through all the trouble, but there is no convincing their small but mighty partner.

Despite what you may think, the petite A is actually dominant in the bedroom, while the near-giant B is almost always submissive. One day, they decide to try something different with a feathery toy, which accidentally tickles B’s nose in just the right way as to prompt an enormous, uncovered sneeze. They are, of course, beside themselves, and profusely apologize. But A explains that they aren’t upset…in fact, they may have found a new way to tease them.

[bittermuire]

A (long) analysis of Azriel,

+ a bit of discussion about Gwynriel vs. Elriel at the end.

Lately I’ve seen much discussion surrounding Azriel, and there seems to be a lot of hazy gray area. We know he has a terrible past, carries a lot of trauma, is both mentally and physically scarred, and has disturbingly possessive habits. But why? That’s the question.

I think most of Azriel’s character can be filtered into three sections: his anger, his possessiveness, and his self-loathing. Altogether I believe these form his crippling sense of emotional immaturity, which ultimately shines through most every action he makes in the books.

So yes, I firmly believe Az is a child in the body of a 500 year old Fae. But is he treated as such? No. No, he is not. In fact, he’s treated as the exact opposite, and that can’t be doing wonders for his mental health (which is already in shambles. Off to a cheery start.)

Let’s take a look at his past. He was both mentally and physically abused for the majority of his childhood. Then he was thrown into an unforgiving culture that both mentally and physically abused him as well. Then he was essentially bullied by Cassian and Rhysand for quite a while... until they randomly decided to like him, which is a choice he didn’t seem to play a hand in. And then he became a professional torturer. All the while falling madly in love and becoming obsessed with a female who can’t love him back. Not to mention he’s been ostracized his entire life.

(One big thing though, that I’m going to reference frequently, is Azriel’s constant chase of “happiness.” Kind of like my friends with ADHD. We squeeze all the serotonin we can get out of one thing and then fall into a listless, depressed haze until we find another. I honestly think Azriel does the same thing with people--he latches onto them and lets his mood swings rely on how much attention they do or do not pay him, and whether it is positive or negative.)

So I’m going to go through his relationships with pivotal characters and try to explain what I think is really going on with Azriel.

Regarding Mor:

He was obsessed with her for most of his life. He was incredibly possessive of her and fell instantly in love upon seeing her. Do I think it was love? No. But does Azriel think it was love? Yes, and that is so important. It shows how desperate he was for human connection.

This “love” spiraled into centuries-long obsession that we’ve all seen play out throughout the series. But why is it obsession, and not love? Well, I’m going to go ahead and say that Azriel doesn’t know how to love. He’s never been shown genuine love and so he doesn’t know how to show it to others in the way he intends. He’s basically a baby.

But right after he falls head over heels, Mor sleeps with Cassian, and then Cassian plays the role of the buffer between the two of them all the way up until the events of ACOSF. This is where I think Azriel’s anger comes into play. He can’t get to Mor. His best friend, his brother, is blocking him from her. He can’t touch her, love her, feel her, and he’s so desperate to. But he literally has no way to communicate it because he doesn’t know how, and so he responds in the one way he’s able: anger. And jealousy. And intense protectiveness that eventually begins to translate as possessiveness.

Again, he lets his happiness rely on Mor because he can’t make himself happy, and so his lack of emotional maturity ends up revealing him as desperate and unable to communicate his feelings of inadequacy and frustration. I’m not trying to justify his behavior, not at all. But I think this could be a decent explanation.

Regarding Cassian and Rhysand:

I mean... I kind of hate the way these two have treated Azriel. They all have their fair share of trauma, but Cassian and Rhys also bullied him and ostracized him, and then basically said, “Oh, we like you now.” Which completely leaves Azriel in the dark as to where he stands with them, and strips him of awareness regarding how his friendships with them will operate.

And then he becomes the head of espionage for the Night Court, which involves lots and lots of torture. What kind of message does that send? You’ve seen dirty things, Az, so you don’t mind doing the rest of the dirty things for us, right? That’s the only real message I can get from this. Which then plants the message in Azriel’s head of: Not only do I do dirty things, I myself am a dirty, disgusting thing. Thus, furthering his already deep-seated sense of self-loathing.

Plus, the IC generally operates with a pack-like mindset. One person’s method of healing is everyone’s method of healing. It worked for one person, so it worked for everyone. It’s a very naive mindset, and very toxic as well, so it’s not surprising that literally everyone in the IC is colossally messed up despite preaching themselves as having overcome their demons.

So Azriel never really gets to understand himself and mature as a person. He’s stuck pretending to be perfectly fine underneath Rhysand’s oh-so-benevolent and compassionate hand. Rhysand and Cassian recognize Az as being a little... odd, by seeming to think things like “he’s the quiet one” and “he’s the serious, scary one.” But do they attempt to understand him? No. They leave him to his own devices and let him figure it out himself.

That’s the issue. He’s not ever going to figure it out himself, so long as he’s surrounded by the people who’ve been unwittingly suffocating him for most of his life.

Regarding Elain:

Azriel’s infatuation with Elain, in my opinion, comes as a direct result of his detachment from Mor. Just like one hyperfixation fades quickly from an all-consuming thing to a passing thought, Azriel has shifted from one obsession to the next, in order to keep his spirits on a high.

But I think his feelings for Elain reveal a lot of what Mor did not. Why does he view Elain as so holy compared to him? Why is he so hesitant to touch her? Why does he put her on such a pedestal? That’s his self-loathing coming through again. He hates himself so much that he has to place her above him.

He wants to touch her and love her, just as he did with Mor, but again he is unable. It's a repeating pattern that he can’t get himself out of.

Let’s also look at the way Elain and Azriel’s friendship/relationship began. He had to take care of her, and treat her with utmost respect. She looked at his scars or his siphons, both monstrous looking things, and called them beautiful. Let’s remember that he’s basically a child who’s rarely known genuine love. The minute he gets a glimpse of it, he’s going to grab it by the neck and crush it to his chest. Plus, the fact that she’s the last sister left unattached and he’s the last brother left unattached is probably even more convincing for him that he and Elain are meant for each other. When he’s denied this love that’s come nearly close enough to grab, he responds in the only way he’s able: anger. And jealousy. Just like he did with Mor.

But moving on, that glimpse of potential love comes from Elain. That’s why he’s able to let go of Mor; a relationship with Elain suddenly becomes possible. He’s terrified of ruining this potential love and is incredibly drawn to her all the same. Best of all? She wants him too.

BUT. Azriel knows how fragile Elain is, so he walks on glass around her, coddling her, putting her first like he’s put everyone else first since being a part of the IC. I think he wants to save her from becoming like him. He essentially plays the role of her white knight, entirely losing his sense of self-preservation (not that he ever had one), and thus loses any chance of letting Elain help him mature in return.

Regarding Gwyn:

Now, Gwyn is a different story.

We know Azriel likes her. Maybe not in a consciously romantic way, but he likes her. She makes him smile and laugh, and he finds her amusing. He doesn’t have to walk on eggshells around her.

The big thing, I think, is that he doesn’t have to take care of her. At least, I think that’s what makes him so comfortable around her. With Gwyn, he can relax, and he doesn’t have to watch every move he makes. She treats him like a regular person and he treats her similarly.

Now, is it a bad thing that he doesn’t put her on a saint-like pedestal like he does Elain? No. Definitely not. I think this ordinary friendship signals a much healthier relationship than his festering obsession with Elain. Gwyn simply being his friend and not someone that he feels he has to be perfect for is a good foundation for Azriel growing as a person.

Gwynriel vs. Elriel (the necklace):

Honestly, I’m scared for whatever SJM decides to do, because Azriel has a shitload of trauma to move past and years worth of emotional growth needed before he can be a steady partner in a relationship. Both Gwyn and Elain’s character arcs are definitely not finished and so I think that no matter which way his narrative goes, it’s going to be disappointing in some aspect or another, unfortunately. I don’t think that either one of the females’ arcs really fit well with Azriel’s.

But I’m going to take a closer look at the necklace, because I think it’s a telling narrative point.

For Azriel, the necklace for Elain and Gwyn herself, are both “thing[s] of secret, lovely beauty” to him.

By describing the necklace for Elain as such (instead of Elain herself), Azriel unconsciously reveals his more idealistic view of Elain rather than his love for Elain herself. I kind of get the sense of Azriel giving offerings to a goddess, or something like that. He seems to be more preoccupied with appeasing Elain than actually loving her.

Now, this probably comes from, again, his self-loathing and his emotional immaturity. I’m just repeating myself at this point. He doesn’t know how to love himself and he doesn’t know how to love anyone else.

But then he describes Gwyn as such. Gwyn, the person. In my opinion, this demonstrates a potentially much healthier relationship than what he has with Elain. Azriel, instead of wanting to be perfect for Gwyn and wanting to appease her, is simply made happy by the thought of her. It is Gwyn whom he is taken with, not the idea of Gwyn loving him. And so that takes off so much pressure for him, and introduces the hope that he might be able to mature as a person in a friendship or romantic relationship with Gwyn.

Closing thoughts:

Azriel is a blundering, hormonal child desperate for love with no idea of how to get it, in a 500 year old Fae’s body. He’s also surrounded by people who refuse to address his clear issues... his future’s pretty dim, and I think he realizes it. Which is why whoever SJM chooses to be his romantic interest is going to be very important.

In short, I’m scared for what’s to come. But fingers crossed that his incredibly complex character is done justice.

[rabidpotato]

I have Castlevania brain rot send help

Ho boy. I have FEELINGS.

Season 4 spoilers and (longwinded) Discourse(TM) below the cut

A happy ending? In MY Castlevanias? It’s more likely than you think. With as grimdark as the series has been I fully expected to have my heart torn out and shat on, so to get an actual satisfying happy ending was a whole lungful of fresh air. Gimme that sweet sweet rush of Everybody Lives Nobody Dies, I need that shit pumped straight into my poor serotonin-starved brain.

What a hell of a season. There was enough material there for at least two seasons (and I would have LOVED to have two seasons, but that’s just because I’m greedy and want more…) and I was skeptical that they could even try to wrap up all those threads..and then they DID IT. Hot damn.

Hot Takes:

In this house we stan Greta and will tolerate no disrespect against our sword-and-hammer wielding queen. I love her, and I love her and Alucard’s dynamic with the deliberate parallels to Dracula and Lisa. I think she’s good for him.

TREVOR AND SYPHA UGH I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH I’m out here crying ugly tears at how much this stinky himbo and tiny nuke love each other ;______; Battle Couple OTP.

I would watch the shit out of an entire season of everybody building the new village and Trevor and Sypha learning how to be parents and Alucard and Greta getting closer and everybody just being HAPPY. This is because I am trash, not because there would actually be any storytelling value in such a thing. Same thing with onscreen kisses between Trevor and Sypha. Is it necessary? No. Doesn’t mean I don’t want it. But hey, that’s what fandom is for, right? I’ll just be over here drawing beetus-inducing fluff and being vaguely disgusted with myself.

Papa Trevor would be so soft. I think my ovaries just exploded.

I 100% expected Trevor to die and leave Sypha grieving and pregnant with the way they teased it in the trailer and the way it would have thematically fit with the rest of the series, and I am SO GLAD he didn’t. I’m tired of sad endings. I really love that he gets to be part of this world of people who know how to build things.

“I love you.” “I know.”

That single flash of Sypha’s face as he’s fading out knowing he’s going to die and being at peace with it, augh my fucking heart. T_T

Horse is secret MVP. That horse knows things.

Isaac confirmed for a) stand user and b) monster fucker. King out here living his best life, you love to see it.

But for reals tho, Isaac’s arc was one of my favorites. Nice fakeout with the conquest line in the trailer. The philosophical discussions on the nature of humans and night creatures, the way he comes to realize that he (and Hector, and by extension his own night creatures) is/are more than a tool to be used in the hands of others, the way he reclaims his own agency and decides he’s going to live...I fucking loved it. (Also paves the way for post-series forgehusbands…)

SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR STRIGA AND MORANA. I was holding my breath expecting them to get horribly killed the entire time and then they just...weren’t. The hot vampire wives got to literally ride off into the sunset (sunrise?) together, in a way that made sense. The General and the Organizer looked at the data on the ground, discussed, and made the calculated decision to stick with what really matters to them, not just Carmilla’s ambitions. More of this, please! Would have loved to see Striga fight more than once, though. Also I would shank a man for Morana’s cape.

Respect for Carmilla for going out on her own terms, even if it did feel a little heavy-handed. The cinematography of her and Isaac’s fight sure as hell made up for it though- that was one of the prettiest fights of the series.

Reunited trio’s fight was the other prettiest fight of the series. Holy fuck, what gorgeous animation.

I actually liked that St Germain’s lady friend never spoke- it reinforced the way that he has mythologized her to the point where she’s not even a person, just an ideal. It was also exactly what he deserved that she turned her back on him in the end. She’s just not that into you, bro.

Varney is a hoot. A greasy, flea-infested slimy hoot. Nice twist, too. Death’s design is *chef kiss*

Loved the themes of moving on and rebuilding and change and how there’s a pretty clear split between the people who are able to adapt and change (and live), and those “relics of the old world” who can’t or won’t. Ratko was criminally underused in this respect. I think there just wasn’t enough time.

Quibbles:

Pacing. I know Castlevania is notorious for uneven pacing, but in this case I think this is on Netflix- they should have been given a full two seasons to wrap this up, just to give things a chance to breathe. As it was, though, I think the writers did the best possible job given the constraints they were under.

Zamfir should have lived to learn the lesson about caring for the people who are still alive, and been the one to take charge of rebuilding Targoviste for the living. Having her die was straight-up pointless in a predictable way.

Did Trevor just straight-up forget he has TWO weapons with range when fighting Ratko? You have like a 30 foot reach what are you doing bro

Lenore is Problematic, and I wish there had been more tension between her and Hector. Like, I know Stockholm Syndrome is a thing, but he’s weirdly chill with her in a way that glosses over just what she did to him. Also I would have liked to see more self-awareness of “Oh, being a pet in a cage really is shitty, no matter how nice the cage. Now I know why what I did to you was wrong” before she dips. Her ending sure was poetic, though.

Wasn’t Trevor’s left arm broken in that last fight? How the heck is he even able to use it at the end? Also damn dude it’s been two weeks you should probably at least have washed those gaping wounds by now. Do you want sepsis? Because that’s how you get sepsis.

Unpopular Opinions:

Look I love Dracula/Lisa as much as the next shipper but “Hey we’re alive again for some reason!!” was totally out of left field. It felt like something out of a fix-it fic and it was just kinda baffling and jarring. Also go see your fucking kid, jfc you two are terrible parents.

Is Lisa just...kinda fine with the fact that Dracula tried to commit genocide in her name and almost killed their son? That must have been an awkward conversation.

I’m actually cool with Alucard spilling his life story to Greta on the march. He’s starving for human interaction, who’s to say he wouldn’t just want to TALK about what he’s been through? It’s treated in a way that’s a bit flippant for my taste, but we’ve seen enough of his trauma onscreen. I want to focus on his healing.

I’m hesitant to kick this particular hornet’s nest, but I really don’t think the ot3 has to be sexual? If it is, it damn well be an ot4 polycule with Greta. I see them more as two couples that are close friends and found family. But that’s the great thing about fandom! Rock on, shippers of all flavors, there’s room enough for everybody.

In Conclusion (jesus fuck how much did I write)

Castlevania pretty

Have you seen my braincell I think I misplaced it

Moar plz

[jadienjaystoriesandart]

I just got done watching a video that pointed out how a couple in a book series I read is bad for each other. Thus, after that trip and long conversations with my fellow fanders IRL I’m going to be picking apart couples in this web series and why some would work and others wouldn’t. 

This will be Part 1

Now keep in mind this is just my personal opinions from what I’ve read and what I’ve seen. Some of it is delving into Fandom area but others will be what we see in Cannon as well.  Sometimes couples I like will be ones I pick on because objectively they just aren’t good for each other. 

With that in mind let’s get started with the most well known couples.

Prinxiety (Roman/Virgil) - Everyone's favorite couple to either put through so much angst that I think these people either are really moody or have went through alot of shit. Like seriously, the amount of angst you find just is astonishing... And sometimes very unrealistic, but I digress.  But, though I like this couple in some instances, I find their relationship to be toxic and unreliable. 

Take into account their personalities in the series. Roman often shows his love by belittling or insulting a person. A thing we as fanders know to be because of his own insecurities. Now in comparison to self loathing and hating Virgil, who just takes it and even contributes to it. Regardless of if it’s just Virgil’s sense of humor, that still doesn’t make it right. How many friends do you know that insult you or don’t help you see the good in you. I can’t think of many instances where Roman, like Patton, would pick up Virgil after he tries to self-hate. Patton actively, though in a babying way, at least tries to tell Virgil he’s wrong about his hate. Which as we see takes our anxiety friend by surprise. 

Also there is the fact that Roman, as we saw in SvS Redux, really needs someone to be there for him. Virgil however also needs this. And this implies that if they were to be together it’s just be a struggle to get anywhere.  Not to say it couldn’t work, but it’d take alot of time. Roman would need to be more confident in himself and not take it out on others. And Virgil would be to be confident also and stop taking harsh words and such lying down. ‘

Though it is clear from the newest asides they do care about each other. 

All around a couple that has some issues that would make a romantic relationship hard. Platonic sure, I can see it because it works, but not romantic as neither I feel would suit the others needs. 

Logicality (Logan/Patton) - I do actually love this pairing, it’s cute and fluffy at times when the fandom puts them together. Not alot of angst I’ve found despite being popular couple number 2. However, with how the cannon portrays them to each other, they won’t work as a romantic couple in real life. 

To explain, Patton is very controlling, we see this through out the series. We know he doesn’t mean to be sometimes, but clearly being the side Thomas listens to the most, means he clearly has alot of power in the mindscape. Logan, by contrast, is very cold at times and very distant when it comes to his feelings or expressing them. Something he needs to work on. 

Several times we see Patton trying to force Logan to do things he doesn’t want to. The episode I feel this is highlighted in the most is Learning New Things About Ourselves. Logan isn’t one to just open up about things like how Patton, Roman, even Virgil are. Being these sides deal the most in feelings of many times.  Logan himself is a logical side, he things critically and prefers facts to solve problems. Patton however is very open and very feeling. And tries through out the episode to get Logan to express. Logan clearly is reluctant to do so, because it’s not his area and it’s not his thing. 

With people like this you can’t force them to open up, you can’t force them to express to you. It’ll just end terribly when you do and can even push them farther away. Which is what I think if happening with Logan.  Throughout this episode Logan expresses faintly that he doesn’t want to be see as a ‘Joke’ to them, because after all he’s logic. But the other keep disregarding him. Something it feels they are even guilt tripping him into it. Though we do see that Thomas tells them not to force Logan. 

To sum it up, Patton and Logan as a couple would be a rocky one at best because Logan can’t emote well and Patton can’t back off well. Both need to learn this because they could be a couple. 

Dukceit (Remus/Janus) - We don’t know alot about their relationship to really go into how they function. But if what Thomas said about the fandom being pretty spot on about their time together, then we can assume that as a couple they are pretty stable at times compared to most.  Janus clearly cares about Remus enough to listen to him and take in what he has to say where others won’t. And Remus, by extension, shows his appreciation by ‘gifting’ Janus with things. Possibly Remus seems to just love the attention and loves that someone doesn’t find him gross or immature. 

Janus clearly, if we are to go by fandom and Thomas’s words, wants Remus happy and they do seem to share a connection and lots of laughs.  I don’t ship these guys though, but if we are to go off of these things they would work rather well as a couple. Unless we find out more, this seems to be the outcome. 

Royality (Roman/Patton) - Now I’m not here to argue about how characters in a relationship would treat others around them. Just how they were treat each other. While I am of the opinion this couple would be a bit of a powerhouse to others they do work well together in some sense. Both are peppy and upbeat, Roman easily picks up Patton when he’s in a funk and vice versa. The amount of serotonin between these two dorks is something to marvel at. 

Granted in the new episode we see that there is some tension with Patton having really forced his own morals on Roman and this leads to tension when accepting new sides. But, as a couple they would work. I can’t see points that they lead each other one nor points were one tries to control the other, and in terms of words it’s mostly of encouragement. Patton clearly does care about Roman and Roman to Patton. This pairing really works well, has some rocky moments that can easily work through as no couple truly is 100% perfect, as I pointed out with the others. 

But out of all of the ones mentioned this one has the least amount of rough patches. They work together and don’t actively put the other down or force them 24/7. This does happen, but not often.  And I don’t pair them often, just from time to time. 

Analogical (Logan/Virgil) - These two are actually really adorable together and through out the series I can confidently say they would be great for each other. And this isn’t just me saying it, from all the evidence we see Logan and Virgil together just works. 

Logan has a calm disposition and is firm when he has to be, never once have I really seen them lash out at each other with harsh words. Only instance that comes to mind is when Virgil calls Logan a ‘Clueless idiot’. But that’s about it, any other time, even during the debate, afterwards they aren’t at each others throats and both seem to be rather comfortable around each other. Logan could easily be the rock Virgil needs to stand on his own but in his own time.

Virgil however is a good push for Logan, as he himself knows the value of taking your time. I can’t seem Virgil in the cannon ever forcing Logan, even in LNTAO Virgil was the only side that didn’t belittle Logan that much. Virgil was even reluctant, even if he was pressured into it in the end, and I can only think of once in which he did say something harsh to Logan... which was after Logan lashed out at Roman. (With semi good reason). Virgil easily could be that silent partner that Logan needs to feel something but within his own time. 

Granted it’d be a long courtship and time for them to learn each others cues as Logan is hard to give out love. But once he does open up he’s a mess that needs to be loved back. Same goes for Virgil, but where they work and Prinxiety doesn’t is that they are both used to giving gestures and reading the air. Where we have established Roman isn’t really good at.  Virgil could pick up easily when Logan is having problems and when to approached. And Logan is good at understanding when people need space and isn’t afraid to just talk about it rather than let things linger. 

They’d still have their problems, what couple doesn’t. But it wouldn’t be near as bad as some of the others. 

Moxiety (Patton/Virgil) - Where to start with this... I mean, it’s not a bad pairing but it’s also not a great pairing. Not for reasons some think. Honestly I could care less about the argument of ‘Son/Father’ shit that is peddled. It’s been established that Patton thinks of all the sides as ‘Kiddos’ even Thomas, even if none of it is true and Virgil and Patton are technically the same fucking age as Thomas is. Patton just is the group ‘dad’ and truly believes this. 

I digress, as for how they work as a couple it could be good or bad. This is one that it really does depend on how you look at the series as a while. Me, I’m on the fence.  On the one hand Patton is a good self esteem booster for Virgil when the other needs it. And Virgil is calm and understanding of how much feelings can be.  On the other hand Patton can be very forceful with Virgil and sometimes even baby him as we saw in the halloween episode. And Virgil does resent this, stating he is strong enough and doesn’t need to be coddled. 

Clearly there is a imbalance of power there also as Patton is possibly and ‘older’ side as in he’s been around with Thomas much longer. Thus is why he’s the one most listened to. While Virgil doesn’t have as much power as the other sides in terms of the amount he’s listened to.  It’s getting better though, Patton is trying to baby him less and let him really be heard. He’s listening to Virgil rather than assuming things. It’s slow, but it’s working.

In the end, it’s really on how you see it. This could either be a really good couple or really bad couple depending on how one writes them. Cannonly, it could work with time, but we’ll have to see as the series goes. 

Logince (Roman/Logan) - Not sure where to start with this one. Maybe at the fact Roman picks on Logan just as much as he does Patton. Or maybe with how Logan doesn’t take it laying down, most of the time, and does have a sharp tongue to lash back. 

These two are at tensions with each other, even after Why We Get Out Of Bed In The Mornings. Heck that was a whole episode about the tensions! And there is still tension as we go. Roman really needs to get a handle on his self esteem issues before pursuing any relationship I feel. Something I think is going to come up as Thomas enters one.

Logan has been seen lashing out verbally and once even psychically at Roman. He felt bad afterwards, but we can’t say it wasn’t justified with how Roman treated him. Having problems with feeling like he’s not listened to, interrupted, and something even insulted.  And again Roman’s problems with insulting others to boost his confidence comes back into play. Why it doesn’t affect him with Patton is because with the moral side Roman feels wanted and needed, with the others he lashes out because they make him feel that way. 

Logan even did insult some of Roman’s passions, which we know to be a sore spot for the creative side. Roman already has many problems as he’s limited by what is morally right and wrong. He puts time and effort into his things, and it hurts when someone comes along and insults you’re hard work.

Now whether they meant to do this too each other or not is up or debate. You could argue that Roman’s problem is internal and not directed at anyone. You could argue the same for Logan, or argue that the others need to learn that what they are doing is harsh even if they don’t mean it.  Regardless this couple would really need to work on these problems before ever getting together. It’s not something small like communication or feeling problems and can be fixed with the right person. This is them both putting the other know, internationally or not. And that’s not a healthy relationship at all. 

I’d say after they work through that Roman could be with just about any side. And some goes for Logan with Patton or Roman. With Virgil it’s not a huge problem as Logan never once has taken out his frustration on him, might be due to Virgil’s calmer nature, who knows. 

So yeah, that’s the end of part one. I’m not saying none of this would work, I’m saying with how they are NOW they wouldn’t work. We’ll have to see have the series progress how it goes. 

[imissjoongsmullet]

My Prince (3)

Pairing: Minghao x reader

Genre: fluff/(angst)

Summary: Life is not exactly easy being the royal gardeners’ daughter but at least it’s simple. When you’re suddenly called upon to serve as the prince’s personal servant, things get a little more than complicated, especially considering the secret history you and the prince share.

Part 1

Part 2

Warnings: general angstiness, a bit of a slow burn, very romantic, very soft, the fact that this will most likely become a long series cause I have no chill

Word Count: 3.5K

Author’s Note: it’s here finally! Sorry this took so long, (computer problems ehh) Also, I really love this series and I don’t just wanna keyboard smash it ^^ I hope this fluffy little chapter brightens your day/night ♥ to everyone supporting this, thank you, I love you!! ♥

Alsoooo any kind of feedback literally makes my day, like serotonin through the roof I’m telling you, so please feel free to let me know what you think ♥

►

You slept terribly that night. The distraught look on Minghao’s face covered the walls of your mind like some gruesome mural. It occurred to you then, that even though you saw so much of the young prince’s life, you hadn’t fully understood the weight he’d been carrying all this time. It wasn’t only the weight of his father’s expectations; it was the weight of a hole empire. Millions counted on him to be their savior. No one had ever even asked him what he wanted.

When you brought him his tea the following morning, you were all the more prudent. You opened the door noiselessly and tiptoed in. He was fast asleep. You set down your tray and began preparing the tea as you considered your next course of action. You carefully cut up the fresh herbs you’d taken from the garden before sunrise, hoping their properties might alleviate some of his stress, and added them into the mixture as well. Your eyes kept finding him in the sheets, so serene and content; so unlike him, surely, when he would wake.

Gingerly, you made your way to his bedside, small cup between your fingers.

“Your highness,” you said so softly it was nearly a whisper, though it still felt intrusive to the dead quiet of morning.

His brows furrowed but he did not wake.

“Minghao.” His name slipped out before you could catch yourself.

The prince let out a drowsy moan and shifted, pulling his sheets close to himself.

You couldn’t do it.

With a sigh, you set his tea down beside the bed and rose. You weren’t sure about the consequences of your actions but knew it was the right thing to do.

“The prince isn’t feeling well,” you explained as the emperor and his wife sat down for breakfast.

Xu Yilan looked at you in silence for a while, his eyes piercing. Then he raised his eyebrows and said in a cold voice, “very well,” before turning to his food, indicating the conversation had ended.

You spent the rest of the morning in the prince’s quarters. You remembered Minghao had told you to leave him alone but you were worried about him, so you sat in the corner of his room, doing random chores. You polished his crown and jewelry until they shone like mirrors. You folded his robes and sheets, finding you were finally starting to get better at keeping the creases out. More than often you looked toward the bed, but the prince was clearly enjoying the extra hours of sleep, for he did not rouse.

It was nearly noon when you heard movement behind you. You laid the newly folded sheets in his dresser and turned to see Minghao shift. Your heart lurched and your whole body began to prickle with nerves as you watched him slowly but surely wake up. Flustered, you bent back over your work, folding sheets in the corner on the floor as if you’d heard nothing. The rustling behind you came in bursts until it finally stopped.

“What time is it?” His voice was gravelly.

You steadied your breath before answering. “It’s noon, your highness,” you said, “I’ve alerted the emperor you’re not feeling well.” Hearing the words come out of your mouth now, you felt foolish. You hadn’t asked permission to do anything. Who knew the kind of trouble you’d thrown upon him by doing this. And the silence that followed your explanation wasn’t reassuring in the slightest.

“What did he say?” Minghao responded at last.

You turned to him, still on your knees, keeping your eyes on the floor. “Not much,” you said, “but you’re excused from activities for the time being.”

Another silence followed in which you stared at the shiny wooden floor hoping it might swallow you whole. You were so caught up in your own nerves you barely heard his response when it did come.

“Thank you.” 

You looked up at him, finding his eyes on you. He didn’t smile but there was a genuine kindness radiating from his face that made the tension ebb from your shoulders.

He let you prepare some of your fresh tea and while he drank, you hurried to the kitchens to fetch his breakfast.

“Have you eaten?” he asked as you set the tray down onto his bed.

You hadn’t; you’d forgotten all about it, worrying about him.

“Have some,” he went on, gesturing to the food, “you’ve brought far too much for me to finish by myself.”

You felt your face heat up. “I couldn’t,” you mumbled, looking away.

To your surprise, you heard him chuckle softly, “it’s really fine, don’t worry. Have some.”

Hesitating, you sat down on the edge of his bed. He slid the tray your way so it sat between the two of you.

“Here,” he said, offering you his chopsticks.

Your eyes went wide as you stared at his hands. A prince sharing his cutlery with a servant was about as unheard of as a snowstorm in July. There was no way you could let him—

Without warning, he took hold of your hand and placed the chopsticks in your palm. Then he proceeded to pick up a dumpling with his bare hand, putting it past his lips.

You were dumbfounded. You hadn’t seen him this improper since— well, since you were children. The tiniest smile crept onto your lips. You stifled it as you picked up some fried egg and allowed yourself to have breakfast with the prince.

After you were both stuffed with comforting breakfast foods he took you to the library, where he huddled over his books and you continued your search for his missing book. A Vast Unfathomable Secret, brown cover, gold foiling, lily on the cover… it was a near impossible challenge but you wanted to succeed now more than ever. You pulled out book after book in the beautiful, tall-ceilinged room, only to put them back where they came from. You were getting quite tired and your eyes hurt from peering at all those symbols you didn’t know how to read. But you kept going, knowing how much it’d mean to Minghao if you managed to locate it.

After hours of searching, much of you initial gusto had died out, buried under repeated disappointment. The sleepiness was getting to you as well; you’d woken up so early. You were so out of it, it took you a few moments of dead-eyed staring before you noticed the little flower on one of the covers. Realization hitting, you let out a tiny gasp as your fingers wrapped tight around the brown covered book.

“I—” you breathed, starting to step down the ladder, “I think I found it.”

Minghao tore his head from his book, looking to you expectantly.

“Is this it?” you asked, holding out the brown, leather thing.

He glanced at it and the momentary excitement in his eyes died out.

“That’s not the title,” he said, frowning up at you from his seat, “see?” He took the book and showed you the cover, where a string of symbols read what was apparently not A Vast Unfathomable Secret.

“I’m sorry,” you said simply, not knowing what else to say.

He continued to look at you quizzically. After a long pause he let out a long sigh. 

“you don’t know how to read.”

Embarrassment washed over you as you stood there, fumbling with your hands. “I was never taught.”

Something in him softened. “You should have said something.”

“I’m sorry,” you replied, cringing at yourself.

“Don’t apologize.” He shook his head as his eyes searched yours. “Sit down.” He gestured at the small space next to him at his table.

Without a word, you got down on your knees and sat beside him, feeling all of a sudden very hot. Minghao slid aside his own book, then opened the book you’d given him and laid it open on the table between you.

You stared at the countless symbols on the page, brain going haywire.

“It’s not that hard,” he said, small smile playing at his lips. And then he began reading out loud, his velvety voice filling the air around you. This was a children’s book, you realized; a fairytale. Your parents had told you this story when you were a child. It was about a farmer whose onions came to life and stole people’s toenails. There was a lesson in there somewhere about greed, but you didn’t really remember. Minghao read the first page, slowly, before sliding the book a bit closer to you.

You shook your head. “I can’t—”

“I’ll teach you,” he interrupted and without pause started explaining the meaning of the various symbols.

It was a slow job, and you were sure the prince had better things to do, but he sat there with you all afternoon, going over the story sentence by sentence, character by character. By the time the sun started to go down and natural light was fleeing the room, your head was drowning in new information in the best way possible. You never thought you’d be able to learn something like this.

“We should probably continue this some other time,” Minghao said, looking up at the darkening room.

You nodded, feeling a little guilty for taking up so much of his time.

“Thank you, your highness,” you said quietly.

“I’m glad to help,” he replied. Then he cast his eyes downward, thinking for a moment. “Actually, I wanted to apologize.” He sighed and looked back up at you. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you last night.”

“I—” you stuttered, “It’s okay, I understand.”

He gave a weak smile.

You could tell there was a lot going on behind those warm brown eyes of his. Part of you wanted to reach out and comfort him in some sort of way but you realized you’d have no idea where to start.

“Minghao—” you spoke up but the boy was already rising from the floor.

“Let’s go for a walk,” he said.

You trailed behind him along the deck outside the library, wondering what had gotten into the young prince. He felt more like he did years ago, like a carefree boy with all the time in the world. But there was something else as well, you couldn’t help but notice. You were practically watching him bury it deeper within himself with every footstep.

“You want to go see the orchards?” he said, turning around to you with a mischievous grin.

Exhilaration rushed through you at the thought; you hadn’t visited the orchards since you’d come to the castle.

��It’s nearly time for dinner,” you said but the prince wasn’t fazed. He merely continued smiling at you and reached out his hand.

Eying him with suspicion you took his hand — a gesture that set about a million butterflies loose in your stomach.

“Come on,” he said, flinging a leg over the railing of the deck. You watched him crawl to the other side as you clung to his hand, hoping he wouldn’t loose balance and fall down to the grass below. Then he was pulling you over as well. You felt tremendously awkward in your long robes and flimsy slippers. Minghao took notice and grabbed your other hand as well, keeping you balanced until you slid to the other side right next to him.

“I used to do this a lot as a child,” he said, smiling into the evening sky.

“I can tell,” you answered unable to stifle a nervous laugh.

He looked at you, amused. “It’s not that far down,” he promised, “on three?”

You barely had the time to think for he was already counting, then taking your hand again and jumping off the deck.

The fall to the tall grass down below was soft and once your heart had calmed itself, an overwhelming glee filled you. You were out.

Minghao pulled you up by the hands, laughing. “See? It’s not so scary.”

You walked through the unruly grass until it gave out to a large row of bushes. You slid between the branches, trying not to rip your clothes, finally entering the vast area that was the royal gardens. From there, you knew exactly where to go. You walked up a naturally pebbled path, over the wooden bridge of a narrow stream, through the famous rose gardens, until you reached the start of the apple orchard. It looked enchanted in the full moonlight, the ripe apples near glistening on the trees. You felt yourself relax in their presence.

“Dinner is served,” Minghao said, strolling up to the first tree and pulling a perfectly round apple from its branches. He bit into its flesh, the sound of it’s crisp juiciness penetrating the night’s quiet.

You walked up beside him, taking an apple for yourself. The moment your teeth dug into the fruit, you remembered the countless times you’d done this, back when you tended the gardens on a daily basis. The joy of picking your food right from nature’s generous hands overwhelmed you. In the last few months you’d nearly forgotten all about it. So much had changed.

Minghao was already sauntering through the trees towards what you knew was the orange trees. He’d always liked those best. You followed him up the small slope and around a bend where about a dozen trees stood in a circle. It was easy to hide away here.

He threw you an orange and immediately continued picking more for himself. You waited for him in the center of the clearing, smiling when he finally joined you, carrying a hefty amount of fruit in his arms.

You spent a good part of night there, between the trees. You sat, peeling and sharing oranges, gazing up at the sky and recollecting stories of times long past. The whole thing felt like a dream, too good to be true. It felt like a big, fat rock had been plunged into the lake that was your feelings for Minghao, sending the water flying everywhere. His smile made you deliciously lightheaded and his laugh had you feeling like you wouldn’t feel an ounce of sadness ever again. You wanted nothing but to spend more time with him. You knew it was a path destined to lead to destruction but you shut out those thoughts stubbornly because every time the prince looked your way the stars came out inside of you, lighting you up from within.

The days of summer seemed endless. They belonged to you and the prince alone. Minghao was still avoiding his parents and determent to spend most of his time with you, either in the library, teaching you to read, in his quarters, having dinner in bed, or in the extensive gardens, where you could hide away from everyone. You did hear words of concern here and there. The maids whispered amongst themselves when you walked by and Tou Ma had even ordered you to talk some sense into the prince. But no matter how good of a point the head servant made, you refused to take in the advice.

“—and his toenails had disap—”

“—disappeared,” Minghao completed your sentence, index finger underlining the text.

You exhaled and shifted on your little floor cushion next to him. “It’s hard.”

“You must be tired. Let’s end it here for now,” he said, breaking out into a sheepish smile, “sorry, I tend to get carried away with books.”

“I know,” you said, glancing his way. You loved way he immersed himself in his books. It had always fascinated you, especially considering how foreign the idea of reading had always been for you. The fact that he was sharing something so dear to him meant more to you than you’d ever admit to his face.

“Why do you love it so much?” you asked out of the blue.

Minghao scrunched up his nose in thought. “Reading? I don’t know.” He closed the book, letting his fingers graze it’s sot leather cover. “I suppose it’s a way for me to travel outside the castle, to do different things, be different things.” His eyes narrowed as he let silence take over again.

You nodded, letting the information sink in. You felt an overwhelming urge to put your arm around him, to lay your head on his shoulder, but you just sat there, picking at your nails under the low table. You wanted to ask him more about the kind of traveling he’d like to do but, here too, your bravery failed you. In the end, you decided to ask him a different question entirely; one you’d been meaning to ask for weeks.

“What’s A Vast Unfathomable Secret about?”

He clearly hadn’t expected the question.

“Nothing,” he answered at last with a wave of his hand.

“Nothing?”

“Yes, nothing.”

You eyed him shiftily. “But it’s important?”

“It’s important.”

A chuckle escaped your lips.

“Don’t laugh,” he said with feigned disdain, “you’re making a fool of a royal.”

His fake-proper tone only made you laugh more.

“Oh I’m quite serious,” he went on smirking and pointing a finger at you.

“Uhuh, yeah I’m listening,” you giggled, nearly falling over on your cushion.

He reached out and took your wrists, trying to still you. “I could have you executed for treason.”

“Oh no!” you let out before breaking out into another fit of laughter that sent you both to the floor.

For a moment he was unbelievably close, hovering over you, laughing. But the next, his eyes went wide and he pulled away, scrambling up and starting to clear up the table without another word.

That evening, he took you or a short stroll around the gardens, where you picked as many pears as you could carry, and headed for his room. He ate as you finished up some of the chores you’d been procrastinating. You hurriedly dusted his entire quarters, knowing Tou Ma was notorious for random check ups of your work. After that, you rearranged the items on his desk, refilled his ink bottle, cleaned his brushes and finally put away his fresh laundry. The sun was well on its way down by the time you finished. All the while you’d felt his eyes on him.

You’d been talking of random things, keeping the conversation light, but your mind was esewhere. Your mind was still in the library where his lips had been so close to touching yours. It was hard to focus on anything when all you saw was his perfect face hovered over you.

“I should go,” you said as you closed his closet doors, knowing you probably wouldn’t be able to sleep anyways. You put on your slippers and headed for the door.

“Wait—” you heard him say, followed by his muffled feet on the wooden floor. You turned around just before reaching the door, finding Minghao looking gingerly at you.

“Um,” he started and it occurred to you just how different he felt from when you first became his servant. You thought for a second he would continue to stare at you forever, eyes swimming with something you couldn’t quite place.

“Here,” he said at last, holding up another pear timidly, “you should eat.”

The pear sat perfectly between you, the only thing separating you from one another. Once again, the closeness of it all flooded you and you found no voice to answer him with. Slowly, you reached up and wrapped your hand around the fruit, fingers brushing his in a way that was so paralyzing you thought you’d never come to your senses. You heard him say your name; a soft whisper from his lips. You looked up at him, startled to see he was just as zoned out as you were, like he wanted to say something but had no idea of where to begin.

Then out of nowhere his hand let go of the pear, letting it tumble between your feet so it could hold your hand instead. His fingers were so warm and soft yet slightly apprehensive in their touch.

Your lips parted as you stared down at the space between you, where the bruised pear now lay.

“Minghao—”

Just then, there was a loud knock on the doors. The both of you jumped; Minghao never had visitors.

The prince opened up as you took a few steps back, blending in with the walls as a servant should.

“You’re expected in the conference hall,” the broad-shouldered guard said coldly, “immediately.”

“It’s night time, can’t this—” Minghao started but the guard wasn’t having any of it.

“It’s urgent.”

You watched the dread wash over the prince as reality sank in. Without another word, he followed the guard out and all you could do was trail behind him, hoping for the best.

Part 1

Part 2

[absolute-flaming-trash-archive]

Hi

I am very hungover and tired

However, I didn’t make the post I properly wanted to make for New Years for drunk reasons.

Getting sappy once again under the cut

Last year sucked major ass, I (as well as a lot of others) went through hell and back, but I will say the one amazing thing that came out of it were the people I met and the friends I made while finally deciding to publish my work. If I miss you, I am so sorry, I still love you to death.

My followers and readers

Y’all actually stick with me and like what I write, and I am eternally grateful for that. Y’all honestly have no idea how happy it makes me when I see someone new has liked one of my posts, and then I get a follow notification. The comments and tags always make me feel so fuzzy and warm, and it’s the biggest boost of serotonin ever. It’s given me a new sense of purpose in a way, and a new sense of joy that you enjoy my writing.

I know I don’t get a lot of interaction, but whenever I see someone in the inbox or a new dm from someone, I feel a lil honored that that person took the time out of their day to do that.

My mutuals and discord server friends

My dudes

You all literally cracked me out of my shell a lil bit, and I don’t say that lightly. I used to lurk and one day out of a moment of bravery I messaged one of y’all and ended up in a discord server, and now I’m here. Y’all crack me the hell up and encourage me to do the dumbest things ever, but it’s all for laughs and it brings me so much happiness.

You also put up with my bug rants whenever they come up, and I cannot express how happy it makes me when y’all engage with me on that and don’t just go “ew gross”.

My closest friends on here

@prettycutebunny - My complete and utter ride or die, my day is literally not complete if I do not talk to you. You have boosted my confidence in my writing and in myself so much, and you have just been such a joy in my life that I cannot thank you enough for keeping up with my dumbass. You have also made me afraid of opening up dm’s with people around because I’m afraid there’s just gonna be a picture of Hiso and I’m gonna be a blushing mess, but goddamnit I still love you for it. Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being my friend. I love you more than you know.

@shorkbrian - I honestly don’t know where to begin with you, my friend, but I you were one of the first people I messaged on here that was in a different fandom from my main one; and even if it was for apologizing for mixing up your pronouns, holy moly in a way I’m glad I did because I ended up gaining one of the sweetest people in the world as a friend. Your writing is so indescribably incredible. You give me such a rush of happiness when I see notifications from you, and one of my new favourite activities is watching horror movies with you over discord. You’re an absolute gift of a person in my life, 10000/10, lub you <3 and would cosplay with you.

@needygirl17 - My girl. You are such a complete joy to me, and I do not regret taking on the role of New Mom to you at all. Your talent never ceases to amaze me, and the amount of detail and thought and devotion that goes into your work is mind-blowing. You are so kind to me and understanding, and I will never take that for granted. You’re just as much an inspiration to me as you say I am to you. I love you dearly, you deserve everything in life.

@mynameseri - Another one of the first people I talked to on here, and the fact that I was afraid to talk to you at first makes me fucking laugh now, because I literally had nothing to be afraid of. Your responses when I was your Horny Jail Anon, and when we started actually talking showed me that you’re such a kind and endearing person, even when life is treating you like hell, and I vibe with that so much. I’m very glad that I met you, and I love ya.

@trash-writings - Okay so here’s the thing, not only are you one of the most talented writers I’ve ever seen, but the just “no nonsense” attitude you have has really showed me how to stand up for myself more, and that it’s okay to be a lil mean occasionally if it means saving your mental health even if I fail at that miserably. I’m never ever bored when I talk to you, and you just have these pearls that drop in the chat that make me smile like an dumbass. You inspire the outright hell out of me constantly, and I will never stop screaming in your tags.

@my-child-gaara - An absolute fucking gem of a person, and one of the first people I talked to on here. Your tags were just too damn good for me not to message you directly and just talk to you. You’re just wonderful, my guy, I honestly don’t know what else more I can say since I am terrible at expressing how I truly feel.

@trassh-senpai - Fellow person interested in bugs, and another one of the first people I talked to. You never fail to crack me up, even if it’s with things you’ve dealt with at work, or dumb Carl Wheezer memes but I swear to god. I appreciate the heck outta you, and you’re truly a treasure to talk to. You work very hard, and you never cease to amaze me.

More people I completely adore but I can’t write more because I’m tired

@yep-seeyalaterbranflakes, @crispycrimebrulee, @azelmawrites, @trashscenariihxh, @hisokapegger, @hisoillusandwich, @moxcrow

Again if I didn’t name you it’s not intentional, ya girl is very tired.

Y’all mean the world to me, and I can’t express it enough.

I’m so glad I met you.

All of you.

[bubbyleh]

I See La Vie en Rose - Chapter 3

cw for cult mention

Chapter 3: Recording Scientific Progress

“Do you think we should check those mountains again?”

“Well, when have we ever known them to double back on locations?”

“That’s the point, we haven’t. They’ve changed their patterns before to throw us off.”

“But would they risk discovery like that?”

“It can’t hurt to try.”

Tommy purposefully puts a little more weight into his footsteps, considering whistling a tune just to announce his presence. Anything to avoid the awkward stop to their conversation that will come if they see him before hearing him.

Speaking off, Tommy enters the pavilion that hosts the Viewing Pool, their connection to Earth in more ways than one. The Viewing Pool acts as both a mirror and a transporter, giving them access to most locations on the planet. It’s surrounded by seats for all the Gods, but since there’s no meeting, nobody rests in the chairs. Instead, sitting at the side of the pool are two Gods, Bubby and Coomer. They’re clearly tidying up a few papers.

“Ah, hello Tommy!” Coomer waves, and damn it, even if they’re clearly hiding something from him, Tommy can’t bring himself to feel angry. Growing up, Bubby and Coomer were the only other Gods on the cloud aside from his father (Benrey was on what Gman calls an “extended sabbatical”, though Benrey refers to it as his funny vacation). So what if Tommy feels a little soft for them!

“H-hey guys,” Tommy smiles. “What are you doing?”

“Same as always,” Bubby flicks his fingers, flames appearing between them. Extremely in character for someone who's known to mortals as the God of Fire. “Tracking down cultists.”

Tommy choses to take that as a partial truth, or at least one he doesn’t know the full implications of. Because while the cult was a known threat thousands of years before Tommy was born, he doesn’t actually know what they did to be considered a big deal in the first place. They’re connected to the skeletons, sure, but the most the skeletons have ever done is cause a little chaos down on Earth. Nothing the Gods hadn’t easily dealt with.

But. The way Coomer places a hand on Bubby’s back when he mentions them. How Benrey’s eyes seem to glaze over at any implication. When Tommy’s dad brushed him off with, “It was before your time. It will never happen again.”

...

Whatever.

Either they tell him or they don’t. Besides, he’s pretty sure Gordon’s in the same boat as him, so at least it seems like it’s more of an age thing than a personal vendetta against Tommy.

“I think- I’m heading down for the day,” Tommy says, desperate not to think about it anymore. “Do you need anything?”

“What do you do down there?” Bubby eyes the empty space next to Tommy. “You’re not even bringing Sunkist!”

Tommy shrugs, because he really doesn’t need them knowing what he’s getting up to. “Just wandering around.”

“Well, he is the God of Discovery, afterall!” Coomer chuckles, Bubby and Tommy smiling along with him. “But… do be careful down there Tommy, alright?” he continues, his tone suddenly grave. “I’ve had a terrible feeling lately.”

"You know we encountered these people in life." Bubby glances towards Coomer. "Trust us, they're no joke."

Hm.

"That's fine," Tommy can't help but get snippy. "I'm stronger now than- than you guys were then."

With that, Tommy turns the pool to the city and drops in, leaving Bubby and Coomer staring.

“Benrey wasn’t strong enough,” Bubby states. His voice is oddly monotone.

Coomer sighs. “Well, who is?”

Neither of them answer. They both know it’s rhetorical.

☆○☆○☆

They’ve been texting for about a week now, so Tommy supposes it’s about time they saw each other face to face again. And when Darnold invited him over to help out with an alchemical experiment, well, Tommy couldn’t think of a single reason he should say no!

It’s become very clear that what was once mild attraction has turned into a full-blown crush. Which is! A lot! Because Tommy’s pretty sure the last time he felt like this was over four-hundred years ago, and there’s a lot of other complicating factors!

But oh boy, if everything Darnold says isn’t a shot of serotonin to Tommy’s brain. He’s just so passionate about his work, Tommy could listen to him ramble for hours. And he technically has, though it was over text. So not necessarily listening, more like reading, but still! Tommy read every single one of those words!

Today was a good day for a visit. Tommy had wrapped up his work early, and though he was exhausted, he had a feeling that wouldn’t matter when he was around Darnold. So with a confident smile, he knocks on the door of Darnold’s apartment.

Darnold answers almost immediately, and he kind of looks winded as he opens the door. “Hey Tommy!” Darnold says, and oh no! He’s got that big smile on his face again! “You’re just in time, I just finished setting everything up!”

He steps aside for Tommy to enter, and wow. Darnold has turned his entire living room into a lab. Stacks of alchemical books are piled around the room, notes are thrown around haphazardly, and there are beakers filled with colorful potions in random places. Tommy would be impressed by his dedication if not for the social implications of such a decision.

“Sorry for the, uh, mess,” Darnold rubs the back of his neck. “I have a system, I swear.”

“It’s- I’ve seen worse messes, don’t worry!” It’s true. The way prayers make their way to the Gods tends to leave them in a messy pile on the floor, a fact Tommy has had to hear Gordon rant about for the better part of three centuries.

Darnold sighs his relief, but in an instant it’s replaced by a sharp look in his eye and an almost smug smile. “Alright! So the experiment!”

The two of them sit on the floor between the couch and the coffee table, where Darnold does most of his potion mixing, Tommy learns. But today isn’t necessarily about potions.

“I just figured out a recipe for a potential flavor syrup,” Darnold explains, leaning his phone against a pile of books. “It shouldn’t alter the effects of a potion, but we still need to do a taste test.”

“Alright.” Tommy smiles, because Darnold’s enthusiasm is infectious. “Wh-what’s with the phone, though?”

“Oh!” Darnold blinks, as if noticing his phone for the first time. “I, er… I like to record my experiments, for posterity. It’s not going up anywhere!” He anxiously scratches the side of his face. “But, um, I don’t have to film if you’re uncomfortable.”

“I was just wondering, I’m- I’m okay with it!” Tommy explains.

Darnold nods. “Okay. After I press record, I’m going to do a little introduction, and then we’ll do the experiment.” He pauses for a moment, and meets Tommy’s eyes. “And, uh. Thanks for offering to help, Tommy. An extra pair of hands goes a long way.”

Tommy feels his face heat up, but before he can say anything, Darnold’s already started the recording.

“This is Darnold Pepper, recording with lab assistant Tommy…” he trails off.

Oh crap, Darnold’s asking for a last name. Tommy’s pretty sure he’s never had one of those.

Tommy panics. “C-Coolatta.”

“Like the drink?”

“There’s no- no relation.”

Darnold shrugs and continues his monologue. “Recording with Tommy Coolatta. Attempting experiment 378-B, Flavored Syrup 6.”

The experiment goes well enough! There aren’t any explosions, Tommy doesn’t accidentally knock something over with his elbow. At the end, they have a reddish mixture as the bottom of a beaker, and a few popsicles to test with. The only problem is the taste.

Darnold’s face sours after a single taste. “O-oh no… this is the worst one yet.”

“What?” Tommy stifles a laugh. “It can’t be- it can’t be that bad!”

“It’s really bad, Tommy. The flavor isn’t going away.” Darnold stands and walks towards his kitchen.

Tommy picks up his own popsicle stick, and the gooey red syrup slowly drips off. Well, red usually means cherry, right? Or strawberry? Those are great flavors! Tommy licks the end of the stick, and…

Oh no.

“Darnold it’s bad!” Tommy shouts, stumbling into the kitchen behind him. “It’s- it’s really bad!”

Darnold is already downing a Fanta, and he slides one towards Tommy. “Damn,” Darnold sighs. “That sucked.”

Tommy cracks open the Fanta, relieved by the orange flavor washing out the literal garbage fire-tasting syrup from his mouth. “Ugh.” He wipes his lips. “That was, um…”

“I’m sorry, Tommy.” Darnold places a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Physical contact with Darnold causes Tommy’s brain to short-circuit, but other than that he’s fine.

“Y-yeah,” Tommy says. “That was… fun, kind of.”

“Really?”

Tommy nods. “Next time, we’ll, uh… only one of us will try it.”

☆○☆○☆

When Tommy returns home, he expects to find the pavilion empty. After all, he’s been gone for hours now, and there’s no way whatever Bubby and Coomer were doing would last that long. And besides, there are better places to hang out than the Viewing Pool.

But, surprise! Bubby and Coomer are still there, and they’re not alone either. The Gods of Fire and Strength have been joined by the Gods of Chaos and Order, and all four of them have shit-eating grins on their face.

“Uh, hey,” Tommy waves, and Benrey begins snickering. “What’s, um… what’s so funny?”

“Tommy’s got a crush!” Bubby blurts out. Coomer elbows him.

Tommy goes rigid. “What…? W-were you guys watching me?!”

Apparently that’s enough confirmation for everyone else. Coomer pulls Tommy down into a headlock, Gordon begins grilling him for the specifics, Benrey starts cracking jokes, and Bubby is cackling.

Great. Perfect.

Curse this wonderful family!

[ahmiyahstanton97]

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[mccumbersalecsander93]

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[rivier]

so yeah 2017

here’s the thing.  

This time last year, pretty much everyone was throwing up their hands in horror: Brexit, Trump, rise of the Alt-right everywhere, and famous death after famous death, not just the usual 80-something novelists and politicians, suddenly it was a whole armful of people many of us have loved deeply, gone way too early - from Bowie to Carrie via Prince and George Michael and Alan Rickman, Gene Wilder, lovely Anton Yelchin.  So everyone was big on “roll on 2017!” and it duly rolled on and for many, many people I know, 2017 was even more craptacular and despair-inducing, and now it’s “thank god that shithole of a year is done, let’s drink to 2018!″ 

Which I understand.  But for me the truth is 2017, compared to 2016 and indeed at least four or five years before it, this has been a pretty damned good year for me, all told.  

Oh, it started terrible: work, that had been hard and grisly but was at least intellectually satisfying, work flipped on its end and by the end of my first week in January I was abruptly, utterly demoralised, destabilised, facing a real battle for the next few months.  It was as shitty and enervating as anything I’ve ever done, right up to 31 March, in fact (the day I escaped from Terrible Job).  Boy, there are people I worked for - because in no way was it ‘with’ - during those three months and the year or so before, that I hate now with cool, diamond-hard marrow-deep irrevocable and absolute conviction.  In both career and personal senses, I sincerely hope to live to see their coffins walk, every last one, and when they do I’ll raise a glass of champagne every damned time.  They did me quite deliberate harm, at a dreadful period of my life, and I’m a West Ham girl at heart, we hold our wrongs close and we are short on forgiveness, huge on vengeance.

At about the same time things happened in my personal life that no-one outside my close family knows anything about, and it’s staying that way but they were truly horrible and almost totally out of the blue.  If nothing else, they prove that depression for me is a chemical thing not circumstantial, because I got through those first few months of 2017 without going mad, breaking down or killing myself and no word of a lie, if I’d been clinically depressed at the same time, I doubt I’d have been here now.  It was all too much to bear with wonky brain chemicals on top.  As it was, my brain was stressed but fighting hard every which way, my body wasn’t pissing all its serotonin up the walls: we all survived.  Though again, one person in particular caused so much hurt for me and mine that I would literally and eagerly beat this individual to death if the chance fell my way, without hesitation or scruple, if I had the slightest chance of getting away with it.  Sorry to be so nasty but it is the truth.  They’ve sowed so much deliberate harm... well, their day in the dark will come, that much I do know.

That’s really the point of this post - not that I’m an axe murderer, but that things do change.  When you’re at your worst you don’t stay there forever, not in all things.  After April my life (my luck?) started to turn.  I moved jobs, then moved again, and each time I’ve been very fortunate in having supportive managers who give a shit about all their staff, and work I seem to have an aptitude for.  The domestic badness hasn’t really been resolved, but we’ve learned to reshape ourselves around it, we’re all getting in with things anyway.  

But here I am, end of 2017, in a better place all round than I’ve been for several years.  I’m reasonably healthy, as are most of the people I care about (and the Overlords).  I’m reasonably solvent, albeit with a fair bit more debt than my family has any idea about, but if the worst happens my house will more than cover all that and then some.  I like my job - actually I really love it right now, even when it’s running me into the ground (mostly).  I’m happier in fandom terms than I’ve been in years, maybe even the best part of a decade?  I’m writing again too, when I can tear myself away from the terrible procrastination. I’ve met people whose company (online and off) I really enjoy, which for a bad-tempered misanthropic old fucker like me is not to be sneered at.

Compared to 2016, the Grim Reaper has had a piss-poor year in terms of people whose deaths mean something to me personally.  Politically - well, I’m a hateful Tory cunt who voted Remain, but who has been so repulsed by the bullying politics of most of the EU bigmouths I’m now not just willing to accept democracy’s decision, I positively champion it: ready to pull up the drawbridge tightly and take our chances, that’s me now.

And what Rose McGowan and the NYT kicked off in October has turned out to be seismic in terms of exposing the endemic, entrenched omnipotent sexism that rules every single part of our world.  I’ve used the mantra ‘miles to go’ for years now, blogging about anything feminist / equality-oriented, because I think it’s true.  We have so far to go before gender equality is any kind of reality, it might as well be infinity.  Not in my lifetime, not in yours, not in any children you have or may have, that is a certainty.  Half the population hold implicit power over the other half - in work, at home, in public and private and in every single sphere of social existence, and don’t kid yourselves they've got the slightest understanding of what it’s like to be on the non-dominant side, let alone the slightest appetite for evening things out, for handing over one molecule of their power.  

But Weinstein’s downfall and the ripples from that turd sinking in the lake - they have started to change perception in a way nothing else maybe even in my lifetime has.  It’s the good fortune of this happening in the internet’s era of editorial-free transparency.  #MeToo wouldn’t have stood a chance in male-oriented mainstream media - but here, on online social media platforms, finally we started to see that the sexist oppression and hatred and casual, barely-worth-mentioning everyday abuse isn’t unique to me, or you or you or you, sisters.  We have all been there on the receiving end, all our lives to date - we’ll continue to be, but knowing we aren’t in any way outliers, odd or unusual in that respect is one big fucking beautiful, powerful stride down that infinite road.  

So the point of this big screed is - if you’ve had a shitty 2017, no matter how bad it is or where you’re at now, it WILL change for the better.  Nature, karma, balance, the roll of time - all require that anything that is how it is now will change. At some point, the things that are panning out well for me will stop - I’m hoping not for a while, because the last few years have been enough of a shit-parade for me to feel I’m owed a little bit more of an easy path, or so I hope.  

But things change, everything changes.  If you’ve had a good 2017, I hope it continues as long as possible, or that the roundabouts and swings don’t dip too much in 2018.  If you’ve hated this year with the pure indecent spleen of my ancestors - I hope you’ll see things changing to better times, and soon.

Happy 2018 peeps.

[restingbritishface]

whoops all of them

1: My name? 

Adam Gabriel :) I’m not a fan of my last name though... can I have yours?

2: Do I have any nicknames? Not derivatives of my name, but you call me a lot of cute ones 

3: Zodiac sign? Aries/Taurus

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win?Skyrim lol5: Book/series I reread? Rangers Apprentice or Percy Jackson 6: Aliens or ghosts? Ghosts7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? You 8: Favourite radio station? Whatever actually plays a good song?9: Favourite flavour of anything? Chocolate? Or salty10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? Awesome or great lol11: Favourite song? Currently I kissed a boy by Jupither12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? I just sort of ask random questions until we have something in common lol13: Favourite word? FUCK14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? Forgiving them isn’t beneficial for me and they don’t think they need it, so no.15: Last song I listened to? I kissed a boy - jupither16: TV show I always recommend? Probably Brooklyn 99 lol I haven’t seen it but I’m behind it 100%17: Pirates or ninjas? Ninja pirates!18: Movie I watch when I'm feeling down? Wonder Woman or Moana19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? My alarm always plays either i kissed a boy or from the dining table 20: Favourite video games? Probably skyrim, I don’t play too many video games21: What am I most afraid of? Losing people I love22: A good quality of mine? I’m good at giving advice23: A bad quality of mine? Probably my pickiness with food lol. That, or the fact that I always feel like I have to earn good things before I can have them24: Cats or dogs? Kitties!25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in? Mmmm I don’t really have one26: Favourite season? Autumn!27: Am I in a relationship? Hell yeah!28: Something I miss? Serotonin... best thing from my childhood rip29: My best friend? You!30: Eye colour? Blue?31: Hair colour? currently blondish red32: Someone I love? You!33: Someone I trust? You!34: Someone I always think about? You!35: Am I excited about anything? You!36: My current obsession? Gay shit37: Favourite TV shows as a child? Oooh hmm I liked a lot of Disney Channel shows

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? I don’t care enough about people’s genitals to know who the ~opposite sex~ is, plus intersex people exist so39: Am I superstitious? A little? Not really40: What do I think about most? Youuuuu41: Do I have any strange phobias? I have fear foods, does that count42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? I live for the spotlight43: Favourite hobbies? Dancing! Singing! Getting overwhelmed with crippling depression!44: Last book I read? Simon and the Homo Sapiens Agenda45: Last film I watched? The Greatest Showman46: Do I play any instruments? Piano and guitar47: Favourite animal? Kitties or penguins!48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? In no particular order:       @misstheroses        @charmingimmortality          @beaniebaneenie             @hclliish​               @slenderlof

49: Superpower I wish I could have? Flying would be fucking great50: How do I destress? I love to take long baths or talk to you51: Do I like confrontation? No, but I do like to communicate, so I guess that could be seen as confrontation52: When do I feel most at peace? When I feel like I pass and I’m around people who accept me53: What makes me smile? You, kitties, babies, genuine compliments54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? Off ofc what am I a heathen?55: Play any sports? Dance is a sport so yes

56: What is my song of the week? oooh I like so many...57: Favourite drink? Fresh orange juice probably58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? Earlier this month to youuuu59: Afraid of heights? Nope60: Pet peeve? When people order a drink and don’t tell me the fuckin size like thanks for ordering a three shot 8 pump nonfat vanilla latte with no whip, carol, now tell me what size you want before i charge you for the large

61: What was the last concert I went to see? Oh god it was so long ago i don’t even remember62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? I’m mostly vegetarian except when my family makes me eat meat63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? I wanted to be a movie star lol64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? Yeah haha65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Oooh idk maybe middle earth?

66: Something I worry about? Accidentally pushing people away

67: Scared of the dark? nope

68: Who are my best friends? I consider @misstheroses @charmingimmortality @slenderlof and @beaniebaneenie to be some of my best friends 

69: What do I admire most about others? Their capacity for kindness even in a world that destroys it70: Can I sing? Well enough?71: Something I wish I could do? Move to london right now72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? a shit load of random acts of kindness, pay off my student loans, move to london and buy a flat, then open a queer cafe 73: Have I ever skipped school? I’ve skipped classes, but never an entire school day74: Favourite place on the planet? Wherever you are75: Where do I want to live? London76: Do I have any pets? Three cats and a doggo77: What is my current desktop picture? Wonder woman78: Early bird or night owl? Night owl for sure79: Sunsets or sunrise? Sunsets80: Can I drive? Yep81: Story behind my last kiss? Never been kissed lol82: Earphones or headphones? Earphones83: Have I ever had braces? Yep84: Story behind one of my scars? I scar super easily lol so i have a lot but when I was ~1 or so I got a cyst by my eye removed85: Favourite genre of music? Gay music86: Who is my hero? my boyfriend (it you)87: Favourite comic book character? Oooh Wonder Woman88: What makes me really angry? Assholes who purposefully fuck shit up89: Kindle or real book? I love real books90: Favourite sporty activity? Dancing91: What is one thing that isn’t taught in schools that should be? Non eurocentric history and queer inclusive sex ed92: What was my favourite subject at school? Probably English93: Siblings? I’ve got five94: What was the last thing I bought? Makeup95: How tall am I? 5′796: Can I cook? Yep it’s a lot of fun97: Can I bake? Yes yes yes98: 3 things I love? Babies, binders, and boys99: 3 things I hate? Cisheteronormativity, capitalism, and cunts100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? I have friend friends101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? Most of my friends don’t identify as only male or female so let’s just say cis boys are hard af to get on with102: Where was I born? In a hospital...?103: Sexual orientation? Gay af 104: Where do I currently live? Too fucking far away from you105: Last person I texted? You 106: Last time I cried? A little while ago? 107: Guilty pleasure? No such thing as guilty pleasures, you shouldn’t feel guilty about self-love108: Favourite Youtuber? I don’t really have one109: A photo of myself. Lmao nah110: Do I like selfies? I guess?111: Favourite game app? I don’t really have one?112: My relationship with my parents? As fucked up as capitalism haha113: Favourite accents? Oh my god I just love british accents they all sound like Tom Hiddleston oh my god so sexy114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? London115: Favourite number? 420 lmao116: Can I juggle? No haha117: Am I religious? nope118: Do I like space? yeah119: Do I like the deep ocean? scary cool120: Am I much of a daredevil? yeah tbh i can be121: Am I allergic to anything? penicillin lol and some other meds122: Can I curl my tongue? yep123: Can I wiggle my ears? no124: Do I like clowns? oh hell no125: The Beatles or Elvis? no thanks126: My current project? i’m working on nothing really currently lol127: Am I a bad loser? I can be tbh128: Do I admit when I wrong? i hate doing it but yeah129: Forest or beach? foresttttttt130: Favourite piece of advice? communicate!131: Am I a good liar? i can be if i have to but i’m terrible at lying to friends132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? Fairly hufflepuff, dauntless, and idk lol133: Do I talk to myself? not too much?134: Am I very social? if i know everyone i’d be hanging out with, then yes135: Do I like gossip? not really136: Do I keep a journal/diary? nope137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? i’ve had breakdowns for getting a b on a test so thank fuck no138: Do I believe in second chances? in certain circumstances139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? probably see if there’s any sort of id in there, but then hang around for a while to see if anyone comes looking for it. if they don’t, then i’d keep it140: Do I believe people are capable of change? to a certain extent141: Have I ever been underweight? lmao142: Am I ticklish? literally do not tickle me ever i will hurt you143: Have I ever been in a submarine? nope i’d die from claustrophobia144: Have I ever been on a plane? yep145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? oh i have no idea haha146: Have I ever been overweight? lmao147: Do I have any piercings? yeah but they closed up148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? Wonder woman149: Do I have any tattoos? not yet150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? dating you151: Do I believe in Karma? sort of yeah152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? yep!153: What was my first car? the one i have now 154: Do I want children? i’d adopt, yeah155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? idek there’s so many types of intelligence156: My most embarrassing memory? omfg i don’t even know157: What makes me nostalgic? the smell of hairspray158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? yes it was not fun159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? kindness160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? dark colours, esp grey and red161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? i heard a girl singing from inside my sister’s room but no one was in there, so there’s that162: What do I hate most about myself? oh boy where do I start... lol I get really dysphoric 163: What do I love most about myself? my eyes and my optimism164: Do I like adventure? hell yeah!165: Do I believe in fate? not really166: Favourite animal? kitties or penguins167: Have I ever been on radio? yeah actually i was when I was little168: Have I ever been on TV? not yet!169: How old am I? almost 20170: One of my favourite quotes? “You’re stronger than you believe”171: Do I hold grudges? yeah sometimes172: Do I trust easily? i like to think I dont’, but i trust way too easily haha173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? some of them174: Best gift I’ve ever received? love175: Do I dream? yep176: Have I ever had a night terror? yeahhhh177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? cuddling with my boyfriend in a hotel178: An experience that has made me stronger? i hate to say negative experiences made me stronger tbh i don’t know179: If I were immortal, what would I do? idk haha180: Do I like shopping? yeah but i hate spending money lmao181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? rob a bank so i can help people182: What does “family” mean to me? people who completely love and accept you and support you183: What is my spirit animal? that’s cultural appropriation of native american culture184: How do I want to be remembered? as a kind person185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? dance probably186: What is my greatest failure?187: What is my greatest achievement?188: Love or money? love189: Love or career? love190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? i’d probably go to the past sometime191: What makes me the happiest? being myself192: What is “home” to me? wherever you are193: What motivates me?194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? “go my son, be the biggest slut you can be”195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? maybe if they’re nice196: A movie that scared me as a child? oooh hmm maybe terminator?197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? the gays lol198: Zombies or vampires? neither199: Live in the city or suburbs? city for sure200: Dragons or wizards? dragons201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? someone very close to me dying202: How do I define love? a deep connection to someone and a desire to support them and accept them 203: Do I judge a book by its cover? yeah i do that a lot204: Have I ever had my heart broken? yeah but i got over it real quick205: Do I like my handwriting? sort of206: Sweet or savoury? both207: Worst job I’ve had? customer service during christmas 208: Do I collect anything? memories209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? probably my binder210: What is on my bucket list? travel the world, get married, be gay211: How do I handle anger? i don’t handle it well haha 212: Was I named after anyone? my birth name, yes, my real name, no213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? oh hell no I never do that214: What TV character am I most like? idk someone tell me lol215: What is the weirdest talent I have? i’m not sure?216: Favourite fictional character? Wonder Woman and any queer person in any book ever

[w3as3ly]

...mental health

I’m going to be honest with you guys, even though this will certainly make me look weak. There’s a reason most people’s social media exhibits a distortion of their reality. We get to pick and choose what aspects of our identities is seen. To protect myself, I leave the bad out.

Being silent isn’t going to help anyone out. I’m going to break out of my safe little world I’ve created on here, and tell you a little about the reality of things lately. Well actually five months ago. Someone said “I’m so happy you’re sharing your mental health journey,” and I was embarrassed to admit that I’d already deleted it, hiding any sign of weakness. 

For the past 22 years of my life, I’ve been lucky my mental health didn’t impinge on my ability to achieve my ridiculous standards I’d set for myself. In fact, I saw a therapist for the first time in my life, and she immediately saw that I had created some sort of performance based esteem. No matter what I added to my resume, no matter how well I performed at soccer, the piano, molecular biology… nothing actually made me feel accomplished. When I graduated with my bachelors in cellular and molecular biology, I literally didn’t get even a jolt of feeling good about myself.

Now what led me to see a therapist for the first time in my life? I’m really not sure what the trigger was, but a few months after me and Ashley broke up, I started to get heart palpitations, my heart rate was consistently in the 130’s, shortness of breath, and this sharp chest pain. I thought I was stressed about my new job. But then days passed and I couldn’t get a break, I could not relax. People said, what’s on your mind, what’s wrong, Rach? I literally said there’s nothing on my damn mind. Nothing. I can’t point to something I “need to talk about, to get off my chest.” I just physiologically felt this way, and psychologically couldn’t find a cause. I eliminated caffeine from my diet. Stopped and did meditative breathing techniques. Exercised. Nothing helped. I am so lucky, so loved, so privileged, my life has been like a dream, and yet I was still completely shaken.

Regardless of the trigger, I recognized I was losing control, feeling like I was losing my mind, and, scared I might lose my job, I made a desperate attempt to stop this terrifying feeling. My only relief from the pain and heart palpitations was when I was asleep, and I was beginning to wish to be asleep more than be alive. The only time I felt any peace was when I was sleeping. But I got help. My primary care doctor saw me with only 24 hours notice, prescribed me an SSRI, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, a type of antidepressant that can treat anxiety, and Xanax for the acute instances of panic. It was plain as day to her that I had anxiety. She took care of me. I didn’t know it could be so debilitating.

I come from a blue collar, working class family that doesn’t really talk about feelings. They weren’t much help. But after battling the acute moments, and the SSRI kicking in after three weeks, my baseline returned to normal, and I felt myself again. I’m still not sure of the trigger. My insurance is terrible and didn’t cover therapy, and I was running out of money, especially with the medications not authorized, and 10x the price other people would spend.

There was this one day where I was sitting listening to live music, on a date, good pie in front of me, hot chocolate. And my heart rate suddenly jumped to 160 and stayed that way for five hours. And I couldn’t enjoy the food. I couldn’t embrace the music. My body was in fight or flight mode for no apparent reason. And I was so horrified. I didn’t tell her. I just silently took it, let it beat me down. Counting down the minutes until I could escape, collapse into bed, sleep and get a minutes peace. Anxiety truly is debilitating, but I fought back, and I couldn’t do it alone. My primary care doctor saved my ass. I’m still on the SSRI, though I want to be off of it.

The bottom line: you aren’t alone. Even some of the strongest of us have been broken down. We all have our own battles. No one is perfect, and there’s nothing wrong with getting a helping hand.