#i feel so smart for that shit i did with the word me guh

[gemharvest]

I'm going to line this and shit but I wanna work on the shitpost now that I have this sketched out. Sets this down and lets you guys chew on it while I go to make something lighthearted.

Lyrics from Chemical Overreaction / Compound Fracture by Will Wood.

[maddogofshimano]

The Tiger’s Repayment of a Favor: Saejima Boss Rush

Spoilers for Y4

Hell yes a new Saejima event! I’m always so excited for these, even if things are almost always going VERY poorly for Saejima in one way or another. He’s just a trouble magnet

Given the glut of resources I’ve accumulated over the years I blew nearly all of them on this event so that I could finally have a top 500 placement and get a fancy title plate 😎😎😎

Anyways, on to the event!

Summary: Shortly after the events of Y4, Saejima gets lost and is helped out by a kind stranger. When he finds that same stranger in trouble, he will go to any lengths to return the favor.

[On a certain day in 2010] [Almost immediately after Saejima Taiga, on the recommendation of Kiryu Kazuma and Majima Goro, launched the Tojo Clan Direct Line Saejima Family...] [Saejima was visiting the grave of his sister, Saejima Yasuko, and arrived in a town outside of Kamurocho.]

Saejima: ...Shit. I ended up gettin' lost. I ain't got a clue about places like this...

Saejima: I figured I'd stop by that restaurant Majima was talkin' up... Saejima: ...Oh. Now that I think about it, I got that smartphone Majima gave me. Is there a way to see a map on it?

<phone beeps> Saejima: Now where... is the map... supposed to be on this thing? This it? <phone beeps> Saejima: Nope, it ain't here. Is this it? No... maybe this? <phone beeps multiple times> Saejima: Oh, looks like this is it. Then, to search for a store... ya do this? Nah... is it this one? <phone beeps even more times, followed by thuds(?)> Saejima: Woah! The screen ain't workin' all the sudden!? I-Is it broken!!??

Glasses Wearing Man: Ladidadida~  ...Hm? Is something the matter?

Saejima: Ah, nah, I just went 'n' busted this smart phone... Man: Busted? ...Ah, it's actually just frozen. I could fix it for you if you'd like? Saejima: ...Is that alright? Man: Sure. I'm in a good mood because my work is going well, you know? Well, I suppose I don't actually do that much. Man: Hmm, just force-close the app... Huzzah, you're all good to go! Saejima: Oh! Ya really did it! Ya made it work! Saejima: I'm in your debt! What's your name?

Man: Oh no, I didn't do anything worth remembering my name for! See ya! Ladida~ 🎵 (tl note: I have no idea if this is less of a bizarre thing to say in Japan) <he leaves> Saejima: ...Heh, I had no clue how that was gonna go. Well then, let's check out that restaurant Majima mentioned... <Saejima finally gets his meal in Definitely Not Kamurocho> Saejima: Whew~! That was good food! Wouldn't expect anythin' less from a place my kyoudai recommended.

Saejima: Now then... I oughta get headin' home. ...Hm? Chinpira: Raaah!!!!

<the punk punches the man> Man: Guh... <he drops to the floor> Beefy Yakuza: ......

Chinpira: Oi! Don't fall over already Kosakai! We're not done here... (tl note: the name is 小酒井 with other readings being Osakai and Kozakai. Kosakai seems the most common) Saejima: Stop.

Chinpira: Ah, who the fuck are you? Saejima: I got no clue what this is about, but if ya wanna take it any further you'll be facin' me. Kosakai: U-.... Ughh... Y-You're... Saejima: It's alright. Stay back. Chinpira: ...So you're protecting that thief? Saejima: ...Thief? Chinpira: Don't ya know? This here Kosakai's made a killing off of petty thefts and swindling. Chinpira: He got carried away though and swiped our aniki's wallet, so we gotta teach him a lesson. Saejima: The hell? Is that true? Kosakai: ............ Saejima: Sure looks like he's tellin' the truth. Saejima: Don't tell me that when ya said work was goin' good... ya meant ya pulled a scummy job like that? (tl note: extremely funny for Saejima to get offended about stealing wallets. you are a crime boss) Kosakai: ...Yes. Chinpira: Now you get that he's not worth sticking your neck out for, right? So hurry up and move. Saejima: ...Nope, ain't movin'. Kosakai: !? Chinpira: What was that? Saejima: I'll take the punishment in his place. Leave him be. Kosakai: Umm... What are you... Chinpira: This isn't a fucking joke!!!! <Saejima gets punched> Chinpira: ...How's that? Still feeling the same?

Saejima: ...I ain't gonna hit back, so you're free to hit me as much as ya like. Teach me a lesson to your heart's content. (tl note: holding my head and trying to cobble together a wording that is accurate but doesn't just read as totally obscene in a masochistic kind of way but Saejima is making this so difficult) Chinpira: Tch... Fine, have it your way!!!! <a whole lot of beating sounds> Chinpira: Haa... Haa...

Saejima: ...Haa ...Haa... Are ya... satisfied now...? Chinpira: There's still more! <another punch> Saejima: ....Gh! Chinpira: Haa... Haa.... Saejima: If you're determined to do this, ya gotta do more. This ain't gonna take me down.  Kosakai: Wh-Why are you letting yourself get this badly hurt... Kosakai: All because of one little chat on the street? Doing this for my sake... when you're a total stranger to me... why on earth... Saejima: Well, why did ya help me out earlier? Kosakai: Eh? With your smart phone, you mean...? That was... I mean, I was in a good mood and just sort of felt like it. Saejima: Y'see... I also "just sort of felt like it". Kosakai: M-Mister... Chinpira: Haa... Haa... You just sort of felt like it? Stop fucking around... I'm gonna kill you... Beefy Yakuza: ...Wait. Chinpira: Eh... a-aniki... Beefy Yakuza: ...You're a stand-up guy, aren't you? I like you.

Saejima: ...You the boss? Kasagi: Yeah, Kasagi's the name. The owner of the wallet Kosakai tried to make off with. (tl note: name is 笠木 which can also be Kasaki but I went with Kasagi so it was a little more different from Kosakai) Kasagi: But after witnessing your manly spirit, I'm willing to forgive him. Saejima: Really? Kasagi: Yep. But, I'd lose face if I just let ya go back home like this. Kasagi: You know a lot about fighting, don't you? I'm actually one of those kinds of guys... Seeing someone strong gets me aching. (tl note: jesus fucking christ this really is just a BDSM scene) Kasagi: What do you say, will you fight me? Saejima: A fight, huh? Kasagi: A one-on-one fight, and if you win I'll let him walk free. If I win, then you'll hand that guy over like a good boy.  Kasagi: ...So how about it? Saejima: ...I'll do it. Since it'll make ya feel better. (tl note: the verb here is 気がすむ which is "to be satisfied" or "to feel good" which. look I'm trying really hard here to not make this all sound like dialogue from a porno but they're not helping me out!!) Kasagi: Good. And sorry about the damage, I'm not very good at holding back. You'll have to forgive me. Saejima: Ya better not go easy. Now hurry up 'n' come at me...! Kasagi: Heh, I thought you'd say that. Let's go all out then!

<the event happened, and I got way too many points>

Kasagi: S-... Strong...

<he hits the floor> Chinpira: A-Aniki!?

Saejima: ...Whew... Well then, I'll be takin' this guy.

<they start to leave, Kasagi pulls himself off the ground> Kasagi: Guh... W... Wait a minute.... Saejima: What d'ya want now? Kasagi: ...Who are you? Don't tell me... you're yakuza too? Saejima: ...I'm simply someone who got in a fight with ya. Who I am's got nothin' to do with that. Kasagi: I'm not trying to start shit again. I just... want to know who you are. Saejima: ...Saejima Taiga. Of the Tojo Clan. Kasagi: Saejima Taiga... You mean from the Saejima Family...? Saejima: ...We're leavin'. Kosakai: Y-Yes sir. <they leave> Kasagi: ...No wonder I wasn't a match for him.

Kosakai: ...U-Um... Thank you very much. If there's anything I can do to repay you...

Saejima: I was just returnin' the favor. No need to repay me. Kosakai: No way! But that's... but you... you didn't just help me out there. Kosakai: Thanks to you, Saejima-san... I've decided to stop with the petty theft and swindling... Saejima: Huh? What d'ya mean? Kosakai: Having seen you trying to return a tiny favor with no thought as to the risk you were putting yourself in... I realized how pathetic I was, preying on the good intentions of others. Kosakai: So... I'm going to live a respectable life, so that I can become the kind of man you are, Saejima-san. Saejima: ...That's just swell. If that's what ya want, then go for it. Kosakai: Yes sir! So, I want to repay the favor of you teaching me that! Saejima: I see... But don't worry about payin' me back. I've got an awful lotta favors I never managed to return. Kosakai: Eh... but... Saejima: If you're really determined to repay it, then pass the kindness on to someone else. Saejima: ...Just like ya did for me, back then.

Kosakai: ........Gotcha. I understand. Saejima: Well then, see ya. <Saejima leaves> Kosakai: Thank you so much! Saejima: Favors, huh... I've got a debt to Boss Sasai... I really wonder if I can pay it back.

<EVENT END>

Bonus stuff!

we do get the fun bits of lore that Kiryu recommended Saejima for a patriarch position, Majima is the one who gave Saejima a phone between games, and Saejima considers Majima a trustworthy foodie. along with one more thing...

I think we might have to consider if having dudes wail on him is some sort of fetish for Saejima and he’s just not quite aware of it. how many times has he just let someone beat on him when he really did not need to. really shines a new light on that whole thing with Kugihara

so just a few weeks ago they added a new rarity to the game beyond KSR, we now have UR. please take a look at the stat disparity going on here. it’s hurting me

the banner for the event had UR Majima and UR Saejima, so obviously I blew all my diamonds on it. I ended up with............ 4 Majimas!!!! the odds were 50/50!!!!!!!

in other news this blog is getting real close to 1,000 followers(!!!!) so I will have to update my event list in preparation for another translation give away. look forward to it!

[thegreenmetblue]

STARKER FESTIVAL SUMMER BINGO : 1st square

Felching

read on ao3

Peter’s head was buried in Tony’s mattress, making choked sounds as his older boyfriend was pounding hard into him. His hands were strongly clenching around the sheets and due to his superstrenght, he was close to tearing them apart. But neither of Tony or Peter cared about it. It happened before. Tony’ll buy new ones anyway.

“P-Please.”, Peter tries to say, not even asking for anything. Just begging. But he’s so close. He has been so close since almost ten minutes now. But Tony didn’t say he could come yet. This is so good, Tony’s big cock is deep inside him and thrusting hard, hitting his prostate every time, making his whole body tremble with pleasure. Peter’s cock is stuck between him and the mattress but that’s his way of getting off at the moment. With each thrust Tony does, he fucks the bed at the same time. The boy hears Tony’s low moans above him and that brings him even closer to the edge.

“What was that ? I can’t hear you baby.”, Tony answers, clearly teasing since it’s him that keeps Peter’s head pinned down on the mattress with one of his hand, fingers tangled in the boy’s curly hair. Tony tugs once and is very pleased to hear the desperate whimper coming out of Peter’s lips. “Please, ple-ase, T-Tony please, let me… let- ah!”, is all what Peter is capable of letting out. His tight ass heavenly clenching around Tony’s cock, making the man moans and pull at his hair again.

“Who told you you could call me Tony right now, sweet thing ?”, Tony growls, feeling like he’s gonna burst soon too. They’ve been doing this for so long and the beautiful sight of Peter under him, being a desperate mess is not helping. At all. “‘m s-sorry, mr. Sta-aark, it just… feels so g-good, I need to cum, please, plea…”, Peter cries again, his broken voice getting higher. The boy is drooling all over Tony’s expensive sheets. This is not the only mess he’s making at the moment. His hard cock, still trapped between him and the bed is leaking all over the sheets too.

“Oh but you did already didn’t you ?”, the man murmurs, close to Peter’s ear. It makes the boy’s whole body shivers. Peter nods, unable to say more. “How many times, Peter ? Tell me.”, he asks, enjoying the situation way too much. Peter whines in response.

“Peter, I asked you how. many. times ?”, and this time, Tony’s voice is way too dry, dominant, for Peter to ignore the ask once again. “Tuh- two times, mr. Stark.”, he cries, too high on pleasure to even be ashamed of that fact. He just wants it to be three by now. He needs it to be three.

“Mmh that’s right, and how many times did I ?”, Tony asks, thrusting even harder in that tight ass. And that’s complete torture, Peter can feel the pool of warmth getting stronger in his stomach, he can feels his cock throbbing and leaking against the bed. His whole body trembling, he’s not sure he can do it. Peter is so close.

“No-ne yet.”, he answers, feeling like his vision is getting blurry and dark. “Exactly, Peter. So you- fuck, you’re just gonna patently wait for me to milk that pretty ass of yours… got it?”. Tears are now rolling down Peter’s cheeks, adding even more wetness to the sheets. “I can’t, mr- mr stark, im guh- gonna- I can’t I-”, he starts but gets cuts by a sudden moan because Tony’s pulls at his hair. “I know you can baby. Hold it just a little… just a little longer. Im close, im- christ, you’re so perfect for me sweetheart.”, Tony moans and it’s everywhere around him. Tony’s voice, Tony’s smell, the pleasure. Peter can’t do it. Tony’s pounding becomes harder and harder with every thrust, meaning he really is getting close. But also meaning that it hits Peter’s prostate even harder.

“Daddy..”, he moans again. The boy’s now ripping appart Tony’s bedsheets by clasping his hand too hard on it. His ass clenching around Tony’s warm cock on purpose because he knows he’s gonna come in the few seconds following, regardless of the fact Tony already came or not. “F-Fuck, smart boy.”, Tony growls above him and Peter’s whole body jerks at the praise, causing his cock to move against the bed and that’s the last thing he can feel before coming hard with a loud cry, the intense feelings making him tremble all over. He’s not even aware of the broken cried Mr Stark coming out of his mouth. Just aware of his own pleasure and Tony’s warm come finally fulfilling him.

Peter can’t hear his own moans but he can hear Tony’s and god-. The boy’s vision almost becomes entirely black as the pleasure fades. His whole body is completely relaxed on the mattress, half conscious of the strong body on him. Peter feels his head becoming dizzy, trying to breathe normally again.

“Christ… You’ve been so good, sweetheart.”, Tony whispers, kissing his neck. Peter’s body manage to shivers at that. He’s not even sure he can answers anything. But then, Tony pulls out and chuckles at the pathetic whine Peter’s lets out because of the empty feeling.

“I… Im- tired.”, Peter mumbles, slowly closing his eyes. Three orgamses. Tony made him come three times. “I know baby, but we have to shower first.”, Tony laughs, gently rubbing Peter’s naked back. “Can the shower wait ? Im.. I want to cuddle… please ?”. The fond smile Tony gives him almost makes him hope he’s gonna get away with it. “As much as I want to cuddle, those are gonna have to wait. Get up, Peter.”, Tony gently orders, getting off the bed. The boy pouts for a few seconds before giving up and getting up, his body still trembling from all the pleasure he felt.

“I think Im gonna have to buy new sheets. Again.”. And at that remarks, Peter’s eyes take a look at Tony’s bed and blushes a bright red when he sees the mess he made. He drooled, cried and came on it. And he tore it apart. “Im- shit, Im sorry Tony.”, he apologizes, feelings his cheeks burning with shame now that the pleasure is gone. “Baby, if I didn’t want you to make a mess, you wouldn’t have trust me. That’s hot.”, Tony teases, making Peter’s cheeks burn even more. And suddenly, he winces, feelings Tony’s still warm come leaking out of his ass and rolling down on his legs.

He knows Tony’s watching it. He feels Tony’s intense gaze on his legs. And suddenly, Tony puts his hand on Peter’s right hip. The boy startles and sees Tony getting on his knees behind him. “What are you doing ?”, Peter asks, turning his body to the man. But Tony stops him with both of his hands on his hips now.

“Stay still will you ? You’re a sin, Peter I hope you know that. It’s a good thing I was always a sinner.”, Tony growls, voice low. Peter’s heartbeat quickens at that. “Weren’t we suppose to shower ? What do you m- ah!”, he gets cut by Tony’s warm and wet tongue on his smooth leg. And Peter’s whole body jerks, his breath stopping and his heart ready to burst again when he realizes what Tony’s doing.

He’s licking his own cum on Peter’s leg.

Peter can’t help the small whines coming out of his lips at the feeling of Tony tongues on his thighs. “T…Tony, what are you doing ?”, the boy asks, like it wasn’t obvious. His left leg jerks as Tony slowly is going up, coming close to his ass. A pool of warm is already coming back in Peter’s belly. Tony doesn’t answers directly, instead, just when Peter thought Tony was gonna start to lick his sweet hole, he goes down again and lick it all, making sure not any drop of cum is left on Peter’s left leg.

Then he stops for a second and Peter knows Tony is starring at him again. “What does it look like ?”, the man finally answers and when Peter turns his head back to look at Tony, on his knees behind him, the tease just lets his tongue get a bit of cum he had still in the corner of his mouth. Peter bites back a moan seeing this, his cheeks and whole body heating up. Oh my god, what is happening ?

“But you- that’s… that’s your…”, Peter lets out, trying to sound like he didn’t just discovered a new kink he didn’t know he had. “Sweetheart, you’ve been whoring at me for the past hour and now you can’t say the word cum ?”, Tony mocks, gently slapping Peter’s right cheeks. The youngest one whimpers and Tony laughs, perfectly knowing every kink the boy is trying to hide from him.

“I can say that word. It’s just that you’re- it’s gross, Tony!”, he lies. More or so. It’s gross. But, oh god, it’s so hot. Tony hums and snorts. “What ?”, Peter says, trying to sound offended. “You know I don’t like hearing you telling lies, Peter. You came three times. And yet you’re hard again, Baby Boy. I made a mess there. I need to clean up now, don’t you think ?”, the man smiles, hearing Peter’s little shame squeaking sounds.

And then, Tony’s tongue is on Peter’s right leg. Licking it. Licking his cum leaking out of Peter’s ass. The slowness he seems to enjoy taking is killing Peter. The boy tries his best to not shamelessly moans out loud. Feeling Tony’s tongue on his leg, clearly oversensitive, fucking spidey senses, feels fucking good. But it’s the fact Tony came in his ass and is now eating it directly from his ass that’s turning him on so much.

Suddenly, Tony is tapping at his leg. “Spread those legs a bit, Pete.”, Tony orders and Peter obeys. And it’s only when he moves his legs that he realizes they’re trembling hard. Tony’s both hands are still on his hips, and Peter is glad they’re here because it anchors him. The next second, Tony is licking his inner thighs. This time, Peter doesn’t control the moan. “T-Tony…,” he pathetically begs, his voice getting high again and his whole body reacting. “Stay still, Peter.”.

Peter wants to obey, he really does, but it’s impossible not to spasme when Tony’s tongue is just between his balls and his ass, eating his own cum.

Then Tony stops again and to Peter’s biggest shame, he makes a small cry sounds at that. “What is it, Peter ?”, Tony clearly mocks. Peter stays silent for a few seconds before talking again. “Keep going. Please ?”, he practically begs again.

“Everything you need.”, the man says before putting both of his hands on Peter’s ass, spreading his cheeks. The sweet choked sound Peter makes when he understands what is gonna happen is music to Tony’s ears. But the second Tony’s warm tongue touches Peter’s hole, he gasps and moans loudly.

“Pl…please.”. Tony’s lapping at his hole, and Peter doesn’t even know how his legs are still supporting him. His whole body is burning and the sensation of Tony’s tongue there, it’s almost too much again. The fact that Tony’s letting quiet low moans out, like he was eating a fucking delicious meal, doesn’t help at all. But then, Tony goes from gently lapping his wet entry to literally sucking into it.

“F-Fuck, Tony, ah.. please, Im…”, Peter desperately tries to from a sentence but stops when he realizes he can’t, just leaving the whimpers coming out on their own. It doesn’t even last two minutes but Peter feels like Tony’s been having his mouth almost inside his ass for hours. Tears are already forming at the corner of his eyes and at some point, Tony has to take his hands off Peter’s asscheeks to maintain his hips again, preventing Peter to let himself fall on the ground.

When Tony finally steps back, still supporting Peter’s shaky legs, the boy is a complete mess again. His throbbing cock is leaking on his stomach again. He babbles non-senses things and Tony chuckles. “God, I love when you get horny stupid.”, he confesses and Peter pouts at that.

“Why… How is this even a thing ?”, Peter asks, when he got a bit of his mind back, finally turning back to Tony. “It’s a thing because I said it was.”. And this is so Tony. That whole thing was so Tony. Eating his own cum. And for stupid reasons, Peter’s will to tease comes back.

“Did… Did it taste good, mr. Stark ?”, his voice is high, but quiet, betraying his shyness despite everything. “Jesus fucking Christ, kid, you’re gonna kill me. Just come here.”, Tony swears before pulling Peter close to him and capturing his lips into a passionate kiss. A passionate kiss where Tony makes sure their tongues dance with each other, permitting Peter to taste Tony as well. Peter’s cock throbs against Tony as he moans loudly into his mouth. Tony smirks against the boy’s lips, being proud of how much this little play affected Peter. When they separate, Peter whines, wanting more. God why did Tony had to lick it all ?

“Now why don’t we take care of that in the shower, huh ?, the man says, starring at his younger boyfriend’s aching hard on. Peter’s breath hitches, only capable of nodding.

Four times.

Tony kisses his head and takes his hand to guide him to the bathroom, knowing how brainless Peter can be when he’s horny.

Ayyy that was my first square for @starkerfestivals summer bingo and also my first time writing Tony fucking Peter 🥴🥴

I hope you guys are gonna enjoy! 💖

[dannypuro]

So I just binged Something Telling and it’s just, so amazing? Like, your characterization is so on point and I just have nothing but nice things to say about it. Can I make a list? I’m gonna make one cause I have Emotions™️ about every one of these dweebs.

1. Grantaire is just, so nice and kind and smart, and not an alcoholic! Like, I love the fics where he deals with that, but it’s nice to see him being a semi-functional adult person. (Was he an alcoholic in this universe at one point?) Plus, he’s still enough of an emotional disaster otherwise. Love him ❤️

2. ENJ VS TECHNOLOGY. I could read about that forever. Swearing in an elevator? Iconic. Never using the space bar? Perfect. Also now I refer to movies as “movings” in my head so there’s that.

3. Combeferre is the sane man of this family and I love it so much. Also I never thought of vaccines for time travel AUs and I genuinely cackled when Ferre brought it up. Like, yeah, that’s a good point.

4. Jehan is always chaotic and I love them for it. Also, I know R doesn’t want to hear about it, but I absolutely want to know what their sex talk consisted of. I’m curious.

5. Baz and Feuilly. Yes. Good. Lovely boys. So glad they got their shit together.

6. “I am wanted by the government for high treason.” Honestly Enj has so many golden moments/lines. He is trying his best and I love him.

7. The PTSD our boy has and how he’ll have to work through it, but he has Friends and Boyfriend to help. (Side note: I live in the US, so I don’t know how much of a thing it might be in Paris, but do they set off a lot of fireworks on New Years? Cause I feel like that would be a thing that Enj would have to deal with, especially if no one tells him about it beforehand)

8. The research you would have had to do for this is just, incredible. And I think you captured how someone would really be if they just got yeeted into the future with no tech experience whatsoever. Like, I’ve been living here since 1994 and I’m overwhelmed by stuff sometimes.

9. Slightly unrelated but I also saw that you did the AU where Grantaire is a baker and Enj is totally not in the mafia (the name escapes me) and I also love that fic.

Hopefully that was somewhat coherent! Seriously though your work is great and I can’t wait for more!

(Also, if you want and it’s not a plot point of the next one, what is Enjolras’s reaction to musicals? I know the boy loves his opera, but someone had to have shown him something on YouTube and I just crave knowledge about this universe) Thanks! 🥰

GUH thank you!!!!!!! thank you thank you!!! and thank you for taking the time to make a list because i thrive off of validation alone and it made my day 🥺. SO.

grantaire is a total sweetheart. like, genuinely a nice person who is trying his best despite the fact that he has a hard time. baby. of course, the funniest part about him is the fact that he has NO idea that he’s actually just like... nice. he’s like... oh man it sure sucks that i’m the worst person possible to help someone in need... sucks that i’m the only one here... sorry dude i’m sorry i’m not combeferre... and then he proceeds to just like. make beef stew and be so careful and kind and thoughtful and try his very best and let enjolras go to sleep on his shoulder during a moving. like... sir. ok. also, yes, i tend to write him a little more... with his shit together, especially in this fic. you mentioned that you read And If I See You In The Daylight (the bakery fic)--i kind of wrote this assuming a similar character arc (minus the bakery, of course. like, grantaire used to be much, much more of a mess in a lot of ways, and drinking too much was a part of that, and he’s slowly been working on it. and now he’s 29, and he’s doing his best, and his friends love him. he’s doing a little better in this fic than in the bakery fic--maybe he’s a little older? maybe because combeferre is a little harsher than jbm and gets on his case when he starts to slip back into old habits? yeah.

ENJ VS TECHNOLOGY. sweetie. baby. the first time combeferre vacuums his apartment when enj is around he’s like “hey man, do you mind if i do the vacuuming?” and enj (has NO idea what that word is, is falling asleep while reading on the couch in the sun) is like “do what you will” and then ferre turns the vacuum on and enjy does that thing when a cat is startled and it jumps like three feet up in the air and puffs up like a squirrel. he’s awake now.

combeferre. baby. he’s genuinely, genuinely trying his best, but it’s fucking hard when you’re tired and overworked and also none of your friends use their brains more than 30% of the time and also your new best friend is a spiky little revolutionary from EIGHTEEN THIRTY TWO. so. um. he’s a little stressed. but he loves enjy so much and doesn’t even mind when he’s dramatic and annoying because he’s such a sweet dude and they’re FRIENDS. sometimes he comes home from a long day of work and enj has come over and washed all of his dishes and brought over takeout but also rearranged all of his books and also eaten like three mangoes. listen. friendship is about gently tormenting your BFF because you are COMFORTABLE AROUND EACH OTHER.

jehan. baby. instagram influencer supreme. i’ve gotten like a bazillion asks about their sex talk--i SWEAR i will write it eventually because the concept of it just cracks me up. jehan is like. “ok. enjy. tell me what you know about sex” and enj is like... “i understand that..... it occurs?” and jehan is like :^/ and enj is like “one must be careful not to contract syphilis from unseemly sources?” and jehan is like “TIme For A Conversation Before Grantaire Messes This Up”

baz and feuilly. babies. they’re just such a sweet, casual couple and they  like each other so much. also, first date 3 am kebabs? after they FINALLY communicated? and then baz gets railed like he deserves? they deserve it.

enj has a secret little sense of humor and it’s just a little hidden by the fact that he is 1) repressed 2) awkward. but it’s there! he’s just so smart and secretly funny and grantaire thinks he’s fucking hilarious. except when he jokes about the fact that he’s technically dead. it makes grantaire sad. he’s like YOU’RE NOT DEAD THOUGH BABE YOU’RE EATING JAPCHAE RIGHT NOW and enj is like. “i believe that if you observe my wicky encyclopaedia you shall learn otherwise 🤷” and grantaire is like 😰BABE

yeah. yeah. listen. he’s got a lot of shit to deal with. it’s gonna take a while. like... that is some SERIOUS trauma, and he didn’t even have any time in his own century to process it. he went straight from a very violent event--LITERALLY about to be executed 😰--to being zapped to a time where he recognizes NOTHING. that... didn’t help. and he can’t really go to a therapist (which causes combeferre no shortage of distress) since like... he wouldn’t be able to explain anything about the barricades or the source of his trauma to begin with. so... yeah. but yes! he has friends and a boyfriend who love and support him so much! and it’s the framework he needs to begin to work through stuff at his own pace 🥺 (also, yes, fireworks are a big thing. they’re also big for the 14 juillet, which i... kind of forgot to address. i might go back and write a scene somewhere around ch. 5 for it and post it on here. we’ll see.)

i’m so glad you appreciated the research! 🥺🥺🥺 legit i... kind of spent a stupid amount of time on it. i really tried to make it as realistic as possible (barring, like, the whole time-zap thing, and also the whole “characters from les mis” thing) since the whole POINT is the differences between their two times, so... i’m glad it paid off. it means a lot to hear that u vibed with it.

thank you thank you! again-- And If I See You In The Daylight is the name of the bakery fic, and i also love it 🥺🥺🥺 . to everyone else... READ IT!

enjolras does not like musicals. like... yes, there was a natural progression from 20th century opera to early musicals, but enjolras missed all of that. and 21st century musicals are pretty fucking different from 1820s/30s opera. he can’t quite understand the music. the plotlines don’t make sense. the plots aren’t stupid enough for his taste. they take themselves too seriously. not enough miscommunication. orchestral parts not nice enough. cosette tries to show him a musical on youtube and enjy is like. who is that. why are they all dressed the same. what is going on. why do they not use their Pocket Fones? why does it sound like this. hellp. (she gives up and shows him a Puccini opera instead.)

anyways. THANK YOU! and to everyone else--send me asks! send me prompts! send me questions! i WILL respond to them and i treasure them all i just tend to be kind of slow! but i love to receive them! thank you!!!

[dust-broken-berry]

This is part 4 and I already know that it's gonna be to ling to fit into one post. So there will be one or two more after this.

So Read that before you start reading-

Part 4: It's Here

    Dust and Blue made it over to the two groups of arguing monsters. Blue asked nervously-

“Uh...what are you guys d-doing?”

    All the monsters sudden;y turned and stared at Dust and the nervous Blue.

    Ink said-

“Nothing… Cross just had a bad feeling that something bad would happen. So I decided to act on that feeling, so I thought that we should all go out today to see if there was anything wrong. Then it just so happened that we ran into…”

    Ink’s words slowly faded when he saw the back of an eight year old child's head with a strange marking on it. Blue realized why Ink stopped talking.

“O-Outer can you take BluePrint away?”

“Ya I was intending on going with him and Noir anyways…”

    Outer looked angrily at Ink and his buddies.

“They shouldn’t have to see this.”

“Why? I mean I only know a few of them...but still.”

    Ink looked somewhat shaken by those words but kept quiet. Outer then said-

“Well you always get along so well with Noir, and I know that you don’t want him to be sad because you’re here right?”

    BluePrint sighed

“Ya ok, but only because I get to hang out with him.”

    And after that BluePrint and Outer left, with Outer holding Noir.

    Dust then said-

“So Cross had a bad feeling...it’s good you trust him, he has good instincts.”

    Dust said, but it was only silent after he said that. Nightmare then tried to explain what happened.

“Anyways, what happened was we just ran into-”

“A bunch of little do goody assholes.”

    Dust, Nightmare, and Blue, all shot Horror angry glances. Horror shrugged and said-

“Geez why the hell do you guys always get so pissed off with me. It’s not like what I said now wasn’t true.”

    Dust angrily responded-

“Maybe, but you need to keep your trap of a mouth shut whenever we are near them.”

“Fine, fuck ever”

“Anyways...we just unluckily ran into them.”

    Nightmare said now trying to explain the situation. Blue then said-

“Oh...I see, and Cross had a bad feeling…”

“And assumed it was about us.”

“Well I should be able to settle this with Ink, we shouldn’t fight if we don’t have to. We are under numbered, especially now with Outer gone.”

    Dust said, trying to think rationally about the situation.

“I would have at least tried to do the same thing, because you’re right we are under numbered. Maybe not by much but still.”

    The dark goo-like substance slips away from Nightmare’s body as he said that. Everyone else took the hint and slowly lowered the weapons for the time being. Dust walked in front of everyone and turned back towards Blue.

“Berry for right now stay behind me…”

    He looked in front of him at Ink, then back at Blue.

“They might have been your friends but if this somehow goes wrong, I don’t want you to accidentally get hurt.”

“Er-...ya ok”

    Blue said, obviously nervous. Dust sighed 

“Hm...here I know you get cold out here and you’re obviously worried so...”

    Dust took off his jacket and put it around Blue.

“There see, everything will be ok, don’t worry we aren’t even fighting.”

“Well...fine ok”

“Ok”

    Dust turned back towards Ink.

“Ok, look Ink we don’t need to fight right now trust me when I say there isn’t anything bad happening with us...today.”

“Then what were you guys doing?”

    Ink asked, so Dust answered.

“Me and Blue were just walking over to come get BluePrint from Outer.”

“Ya and uh, after they would have gotten him, me and Outer were just gonna go home.”

    Killer said, trying to back up Dust’s story. But Ink still kept asking-

“How can I be sure that you guys aren’t lying?”

    Cross gave Ink an unsure look.

“Ink relax I know what I said but there may be nothing going on here.”

“We don’t know that yet Cross!”

    Ink screamed, obviously starting to get angry. Dust also started to get somewhat annoyed, then saying-

“Why would we lie when we’re outnumbered?”

“Ink I’m with Cross, I don’t think anything is going on here?”

    Dream said, now starting to become worried. Ink screamed-

“Look I think something’s going to happen, ok!?”

“Ya and you’re going to start it.”

“What was that!?”

     Ink screamed as Dust turned angrily towards Horror.

“Nothing! Horror is just running his mouth again!”

“How did you-”

“You whisper loud.”

    Killer said before Horror could finish.

“Oh…”

    Ink was just getting more and more irritated as the others kept talking.

“So? Nothing is happening, at all?”

“Yes...nothing is happening Ink.”

    Dust said, still annoyed, like everyone else at this point. Dream then added-

“Ink nothing is happening, at this point you're just arguing for yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think you're just arguing with Dust because of what happened with Bl-”

“Ha, that's an idotic assumption.”

“Then tell me I‘m wrong.”

    Ink didn’t say anything, all he did was shake with anger knowing that his friend was right.

    Ink just stood there for a second and then all of a sudden he screamed-

“Just...J-JUST BE QUITE!”

    A random ink bone was then shot towards...Dust? Dust yelled-

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!? YOU ALMOST HIT ME!”

    Ink stared wide eyed at Dust realizing he made a mistake.

“D-Dust I didn’t mean to do...I’m-”

    Before Ink could finish, a bone with a magic purple tint was fired at him. Ink screamed angrily-

“THAT’S IT”

“YOU WANT A FIGHT!”

    Dust summoned around an estimated amount of fiftyish sharp bones.

“THEN I’LL GIVE YOU A GODDAMN FIGHT!”

“Dust please calm down”

    Dust looked over at Blue

“Blue just stay behind me! This between me and Ink, I don’t want you getting hurt!”

    Dust yelled at Blue. Blue stayed silent as Dust and Ink started fighting.

    Neither of them hit the other for a while. The others waited ready for something to happen, waited for one to slip up, and then that’s when it happened. At this point Dust was tired of fighting,at this point in more ways than one. He didn’t want to fight in the first place, so wanting to stop the fighting, he stopped fighting wanting to reason with Ink.

“Ok, Ink, I think it’s about time that we-”

It Only Took A Second

An Unexpected, Yet Expected Occurrence For Some

But Regardless…

. . .

It Happened

“G-Guh-!”

    There was...a bone of black ink impaled through Dust’s ribs. He began to cough up blood. 

    Ink’s eyes went wide with sudden fear and regret. Blue ran up to Dust as the fighting began between everyone else. 

    Dust looked up at Blue and said-

“H-Hey...don’t cry...please?..”

    Even with all the fighting , Dust didn’t leave Blue. Blue still crying said-

“W-Why? You’re g-g-gonna die, and I can’t do anything about it!”

“I know...I know...I just w-want to see you happy...one last time…”

“I don’t want this to be one last time!”

“Guh!.. Berry…”

    Dust fell and Blue caught him

“DUST!”

    Blue carefully laid Dust down on the ground and went to get up, saying-

“There must be something I can do! I-”

    Dust grabbed on to Blue’s arm before he stood up.

“Berry...there isn’t anything you can do...it’s not your fault…”

    Blue didn’t move and knew that Dust was right.

    Even if he somehow got to Dream or someone in the fight that could help Dust, it would be too late. Even if it wasn’t and someone tried to help...it would just make Dust suffer…

    Blue sat down next to Dust.

“P-Please...don’t go!..”

“I...won’t be gone…”

    Dust grabbed on to Blue’s hand.

“I’ll always be with you…”

    After Dust said that he began to dust, but before he was gone he saw the blank and empty expression of a changed monster, but before he could say anything he was gone.

    Blue with tears still dripping down his face, was frozen with empty eye sockets, then-

“Ink…”

“Erg! H-Hey did you hear that?’

    Dream said, still fighting.

“Ink…”

    The fighting slowly stopped after they saw the light blue glow of one monster's magic.

“Ink…”

“B-Blue?”

    Ink said worriedly

Blue looked like an empty husk with an emotionless expression, just standing there with five blasters and to many bones to count around him. He had two streams of dark blue magic flowing out of his eyes, opposed to the normal bright blue single stream of magic.

“Ink…”

“Huh...how the...no...Blue…”

    A dark evil smile began to spread across Blue’s face as he laughed.

“MYHEHEHEHAHAHA...ha...of all the days for this to happen...for you to...kill someone...of ALL the days…”

“Blue..?”

    Ink said, still sounding worried. But Blue just ignored his words.

“It had to happen Today...it...it had to happen now...during these...during HIS...last few seconds… The first one you had to kill was Dust...as it seems...at least…”

“It seems?”

    Ink asked, still worried but now also confused.

“Hehe...he...ya...it seems…”

“Blue-”

    Everything was then shot, all the blasters, all the bones were fired at Ink. 

    When the dust cleared, it appeared that most of the attacks hit Ink due to the large amount of splattered ink. Ink along with everyone else from their group was gone. But they left some things in the monstrous tower of chard bones. There were some small paint brushes and other small things like that of Ink’s left behind, but one of the more easy things to notice was an Arm.

    Blue just breathed heavy

“*Huff* *Huff* *Huff*”

“H-Holy shit!”

    Horror said in amazement, followed by Killer saying-

“Since when the hell could he do that?”

“Blue...we’re gonna need to ta-”

    Blue passed out before Blue could finish, but as he did something fell out of Dust's pocket (Which Blue still had on) Nightmare smirked a bit.

“Hehe, oh Dust you smart bastard. It’s as if you knew this would happen...at least sooner or later.”

    A few hours later Blue woke up on his couch.

“Ugh what happened…”

“You passed out”

“Gah!?”

    Blue, surprised to see Nightmare of all monsters in his house screamed, but then calmed down shortly after.

“O-Oh sorry, but uh...what are you doing in my house?..”

“I brought you here, would you rather me left you?”

“No… But anyways what time is it?”

“9:00 pm”

“Wait it’s n-nine!? Is BluePrint asleep!? Is he even here!?”

“Yes BluePrint’s sleeping”

“*Sigh* Good and thank you. But can I ask what are you still doing here?”

“I need to talk to you about what happened, it’s important.”

“What happened?”

“Do you not remember what happened today?”

“No not really”

“Ok, let me try and jog your memory.”

    Nightmare then threw Ink’s arm on the table.

“Aaahh!? Nightmare don’t just put an arm on my table! What if BluePrint comes in here!?”

“Do you know who’s arm this is?”

“Why does it matter I didn’t hurt them!?”

“Blue look, and tell me who’s arm this is.”

    Blue hesitantly looked at the arm.

“Is...that Ink’s arm!?”

“Yes it is and do you know why I have this arm?”

As if it were a slide show or a movie, the memory of what happened came flooding back. What he did to Ink...what Ink did to him...what Ink did to Dust. 

“No...no...no, no, no, no, NO!”

    All Blue could do was cry.

“GAH, AAAAHHHHHHHH NO!!!!!”

“I’m sorry but-”

“D-Dad what’s wrong?..”

    BluePrint was standing on the bottom of the stairs looking tired.

“And whose arm is that on the table.”

“G-Gah! BluePrint, Nightmare put the arm away!”

    Nightmare then slipped the arm away. As Blue said-

“BluePrint honey I’m fine you don’t need to worry.”

“Hm…”

“What is it diamond?”

“Sorry dad but I know you’re lying.”

“Huh?”

“And it’s about...Mr.Dust...isn’t it…”

    Nightmare grinned a bit

“Have to admit he’s a pretty smart kid.”

“Hehe...ya he is…”

    Blue said, then wiping his tears he smiled.

“But he still has to go to bed.”

“Why? You're sad…”

“I’m ok Diamond and it’s late, you have to go to sleep.”

“Ugh ok…”

    Blue gave BluePrint a hug

“Good night honey”

“Night dad”

    After that BluePrint went back to bed. Nightmare said-

“Ink went back to Error as I’m aware and that’s one of the main reasons he left us. They did already have a child right?”

“Ya PJ, my guess is he didn’t want to be away from them… But that’s not the point right now…”

“I know so let’s get back to that. You remember what you did to Ink now?”

“Ya I do… ...Nightmare...I just...I...I changed my mind...I just want to relax...I lost Dust and I did something…”

    Nightmare sighed, and looked over to his right and said-

“He isn’t listening, you should come out now.”

“Who?..”

    Blue asked confused, not knowing who Nightmare was talking to.

    Nightmare again reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring on a chain.

“You know what this is?”

“Uh...ya the ring...he got us each one, you know like a promise ring thing...hehe...he said he never did those kinds of things but for me he would make an exception.”

“Ok and so you know where this chain thing came from.”

“N-No I just thought he bought it somewhere.”

“He did, at the time he bought this stupid set of dog tags as a gag gift when I made him leader. Even though they were just meant to be a joke, he insisted that we don’t throw them away.”

“Ya...and?..”

“This is the other reason he gave us these things and maybe part of the reason he gave you that ring.”

“I...I still don’t follow”

“Hehe, Nightmare that is not even part of the reason I gave him that ring, it’s just a coincidence dumbass.”

    A voice said from somewhere, Blue was even more confused so he asked-

“Huh? Who was that…”

“Well Blue who is one of the only monsters you know that has the confidence to call me a dumb ass.”

    Blue thought and frankly there were now a lot, after Nightmare passed down the title the others slowly lost some of their respect for him. But still none of them would ever just come out and call him that...well not anymore…

“No…”

“Ok show yourself”

    Nightmare said to seemingly no one, but still again a response came.

“Now look at who’s bossing me around.”

    In a small flash of magic purple light….he was somehow back…

    Blue was so surprised and started crying again as he said-

“W-What...D-Dust…”

“Ya...it’s me…”

“As you can see he is a ghost so you can’t touch-”

    Nightmare was cut off by Blue jumping up and hugging Dust. Both Nightmare and Dust were surprised, but of course Dust was happy and hugged Blue back. Nightmare was still confused, saying-

“Wait what the hell…how are you…”

“I don’t know how he’s doing this…”

    Dust said confused, Blue looked up at Dust still hugging him.

“You what?”

    Blue said with tears still in his eyes. Dust sighed and smiled-

“Nothing Berry, this is...let’s just say it’s a pleasant surprise.~”

“Ok that’s enough of that, it looks like you’re fully here, at least in spirit.”

[shunsatan]

Headcanons for if Kaidou’s sister got a crush on Saiki

Fic time here we go babeyy. Starring the lovely Kaidou Sora.

It was a rough and cold day. One with winds that whipped you back and forth with no mercy. It was the kind of day that would gain your trust by having the sun tickle your skin, and then destroy the fragile warmth with a booming and freezing breeze. Sora wished she had stayed inside instead of going to the store to buy eggs for her mother. She cursed under her breath as another dreaded wind came and tangled her hair.

"Shun...? Shun!" She spotted her older brother loitering outside of another grocery store.

[[MORE]]

"...Sora?" He jumped, turning to face the smaller female "Oh, hey. Heading home?" She nodded.

"Well, I have Saiki with me. I can drive you home though" he turns to the pink haired boy who was still eyeing a rack of coffee jelly from outside of the store window.

"Drive? You can't drive. This isn't America, dumbass. You're not old enough to get a license and you don't even have any type of vehicle with.... you..." she slowed her words upon seeing him walk up and start a motorcycle with some unappealing (not to mention, chuuni) decorations; only shun would decorate something to look that stupid.

"I forgot you had one.." she awed. Though, the last thing she needed was more wind slapping her face "But no thanks. I'll walk. You don't even have an extra helmet."

Saiki turned to the bike he had been pure pressured into bringing. 'Yare yare' he mumbled as he sat down too fast, causing his head to ache. This place was crowded, so it made sense that his head would hurt naturally- or, that's what he thought until he saw Shun's sister getting kidnapped. Good grief. No way to sit still after seeing that.

'Hey' saiki called out to her, placing a helmet on her head. 'You can ride on the back of mine. It's going to be dark soon and then it'll get even colder.' He said, walking back to his motorcycle.

"Alright, fine" she got onto the seat behind him. Shun smiled at Saiki before starting his bike down the road, and the psychic then followed.

The wind came strong and angry. Sharp and bitter. It threatened to kick her off of the bike and caused her to have to wrap her arms tighter around the boy infront of her. He didn't care much for the wind. Nothing special, no reason for his heart to race because with his powers, his instincts don't sense danger. It wasn't much painfully cold, either. With his pyrotechnics it wasn't a problem at all.

Maybe I should tell him to stop... this is too cold Sora thought to herself

Saiki sighed as he used his fire power very carefully to bring heat to her body as well. He can't have Shun coming to school crying about his sister everyday. Especially when it's so easy to avoid.

This feeling...

Oh no.

it's gotten so warm... next to Saiki.. no, it must be that I... I have a crush..?

Good grief... this is uncomfortable the psychic thought

.....

And in days to come, the Jet Black Wing's sister would come to bother him about his friends. After that, her crush began to develop in a similar way to Chiyo. She would watch him with eyes that saw a round eyed prince. She would admire how smart and well mannered he is, and she would act especially polite when he made his presence infront of her.

Saiki Kusuo, was also thinking about her often. However; not in the way you might be thinking. He was forming strategies on how to avoid her. All of which were miserably failing. With her mother and his mother on her side, she couldn't fail. Discovering his family power structure, she would have Shun call Kurumi (his mother) and invite him over.

And with her own mother bothering Shun to hang out with his two "genius" friends everytime his grades would slip. Of course, Nendou rarely came because he was "always busy" (in reality, Shun didn't want Nendou and his mother interacting anymore in fear of her finding out that he's an idiot)

So, of course, this all worked out best for Sora.

.....

The group of four walked home like usual. Kuboyasu, Nendou, Saiki and Kaidou. They were discussing which character in Shounen Jump is the weakest while Saiki was praying for Nendou to ask them to ramen so that he didn't have to go to Kaidou's house again. Sora had been coming up with gifts for her crush so that he would take notice and start a conversation with her. Of course, she had almost no idea what would peak the boy's interest.

"Hey, Saiki. I thought maybe it would be a good time to ask you" Kuboyasu, the former delinquent spoke up. "Heard there's somethin' weird behind that 100 yen store. Wanna come check it out?" He offered.

Saiki almost shook his head and provided an excuse on instinct before remembering his main goal (to bLow up and act I like dont know nobody aghaghaghaa.) So he simply nodded.

"I wish I could come see!" Kaidou beamed before looking back down to the ground dramatically "yes... I wish I still had time to question those weird things around me... to leisure in activities like such. Though, I have a sacred duty at hand..." he clenched his bandaged fist

"Gotta take a shit? Me too" Nendou chimed in.

"NO, IDIOT! I have cram sch-- I um.. I m..mean I have to meet with the phantom force! Th-that I'm helping train to work as soldiers against dark reunion!!" He stumbled all over his sentence before finally turning his body to strut off over to the direction of his house.

"Shun. I need you to help me with.. homework" his sister quickly requested and dragged him into her room, pushing him on the floor infront of the small table that sat in the middle of the room, just like his.

"What can you tell me about your friends? Start with Saiki kun" she reached for a notepad and a pen.

"Shouldn't you be referring to him as senpai or something because he's a second year?" He mentioned before being cut with her glare. "R..Right! Okay, sorry... he likes sweets an-"

"Sweets and what!? Why'd you stop??" Sora pressed

"Why do you need to know about my friends? Is this a homework assignment..?" He questioned her

"Yeah sure." She rushed "he likes sweets and what?"

"Ohh! I think I remember having this assignment in middle school, too! You're supposed to write about your closest friends and their interests right~?" He thought back to his middle school year and looked at her with warm eyes. Empathy began filling his soft face, adjusting his features on her. "Sora, I couldn't make any friends in middle school either, so...!" He began "I've noticed you've been really nice to Saiki.. so if you want to be friends with my friends-!"

"I can make friends. I'm not some lonely loser like you who needs a hero complex to interact with people his age." She interrupted, sending an imaginary arrow through the highschooler's chest.

"Guh-- well if you don't want my help then in leaving!!" He stood up and caught notice of a small hand stopping him

"Wait! I'm sorry.." She got onto her feet and bowed "I'm just... embarrassed about not having friends." She lied, not wanting her brother to know she had the hots for his bestfriend.

Her phone chimed, once, and then again. It was three of her friends trying to reach her to hang out at the movies. Then she got a phone call, interrupted by another phone call.

"You should answer those" shun said

She hesitantly picked up the phone and answered the call.

"Put it on speaker" her brother ordered.

"...okay.."

<"heyyyy! Sora where have you been? Me and everyone else wanted to go to the movies with you. You're always knee-deep in studying so we wanted to help you relax a bit for once. You've been out of school for like, three days just shadowing and checking out Pk academy. It's still a while before we get into high school, grandma~! Anyway, the 7 of us wanted to show we love you by taking you to see that movie you mentioned wanting to see. So get ready, we want to be there by 7:30"> the girl on the phone ranted on before Sora could speak up against it, and hung up.

".....Shun-"

"SEVEN!?" he exclaimed as Sora rushed into another apology. This must be the first time he's ever made HER scared of HIM.

"Don't apologize Sora!! That's amazing, I'm so happy you have great friends... ahyuuu...." he teared up

"Oh... thanks, I guess"

"But one thing" he said and stopped her from leaving the room

"Huh?"

"Why did you need to know about my friends for that project?" He tilted his head

She looked over to the door knob as if she was begging it for help as her face was overpowered by a dark red hue. "W....we-well-- Sh...shut up! Get out! I need to get dressed!!" She pushed him out.

"Ow!! Ouch~! I'll leave!!" He practically screeched as he was rushed out. "But I'll stand outside of the door until you admit!"

A few minutes later, she yanked open the door and sprinted down the hallway. She knew her small brother wouldn't be able to catch her with how weak and slow he is.

But her little brother could.

She tripped and landed on her face after having her legs caught and wrapped in bandages by Toki Kaidou.

"Now tell me why!" Shun stood proudly over her despite not having done anything.

Toki went back to his room as Sora nearly freed her feat from the poorly tied bandages, that is before Shun, someone who actually knew how to tie a knot, fixed them.

"Fine!! Just let me go!" She yelled at him "I... is there any reason for it? I think he's cool. You can always have new friends. You're just stupid and think that 7 is the max" her face was once again drenched in a dark pink color.

"Oh my god." He said

"What!?"

"You like him!!!" His eyes widened as he stood up frantically. "You have a crush on Saiki!!"

"Yeah, so what about it!?" Sora snapped at him

Shun gasped "Sora!! You're only in middle school-"

"Yet I'm more put together than you are" she said defensively

"But that's still kind of wrong.. we're about to be third years and you're not even in highschool yet..."

"I will be by the time you're third years though!!" She shouted, then slumped down.

"Yes- bu-" he began, getting cut off

"I know. I just... I really like him and I've never liked a guy before. I know it's stupid." She sighed, defeated

"No no, Sora I'm sorry... You can't control who you like, right? I was being mean-" he began

"It's fine, you're right about it being weird. Just untie me so I can go to my room"

"What about the movies with your friends?"

"...whatever"

....

'Yare yare,' Saiki sighed, taking another bite from one of the homemade cookies Sora had anonymously sent him before placing it down and uncrossing his eyes. (he had checked with his powers and knows the cookies were from her)

'I guess it can't be helped' he sighed once more before sending out a telepathic signal

"Sora!" She sang as she knocked on the large door infront of her.

"Hello?" Shun answered and opened the door wider for the girl to come in "you're one od her friends!" He chirped "She said she isn't feeling well enough for the movies; I think you should try cheering her up."

"Oh, okay... um, where would her room be?" Upon entering the house, the girl suddenly grew nervous. For some reason.

"Here, I'll show you" Shun lead her to Sora's door and sprinted away to hide before the girl could knock on it.

"What do you want." Sora snapped after hearing the door knock

"Eek! Sorry, I just.. uhm...wa it's Yui! your b..brother let me in" she stuttered unlike how she spoke on the phone

The door opened and inside was a girl with messy hair and red eyes. An embrace came soon after.

I thought you might've needed a hug... Yui intended to say, but instead voiced out:

"You... h.,,hug. Yeah. Needed yes...mn"

Sora laughed, at first came a weak chuckle, then as the hug parted it became a strong belly laugh (upon seeing Yui's flustered face)

.....

"Shun!" Sora called, making the timid boy jump and start shaking from fear

"Y-yes?" He was sweating bullets

"I'm going to the movies with my girlfriend." She took Yui's clammy hand and headed towards the door.

Shun blinked. "Wh--"

[fingerguneds]

Stozier + going to the movies

im like one hundred percent sure this is not what you wanted and it turns out i dont know what a drabble is so it’s 4.4k long but um..yeah hope you like it 

Richie is tired. Okay, “tired” is actually a litotes — he’s fucking exhausted. Two weeks of pre-holiday classes — two weeks of deadlines, exams and final test, two weeks of nervous breakdowns and panic attacks for all students, and for him, probably the biggest procrastinator in their year, it was a hell ride. Sugar-high, coffee-flavoured satanic ritual.

But in the end, he finished up good, of course he did, because not only he’s a phenomenal fuckup of a person with a pathological time-management crisis, he’s also a smart fucking guy. And now, after his last French exam, it’s only fair that he goes home and tries to recover from his two weeks long sleep deficit, but…no.

The problem is, he promised Bill to accompany him to the new Star Wars film premiere, they got the tickets days ago, and even though Richie feels like throwing up and lying in his puke for a month and crying helplessly about of it, he promised. And it’s not just someone, it’s Bill, his best friend, and the newest part of Star Wars! And maybe, if three Red Bulls and two strawberry-flavoured Fantas didn’t make his heart stop, another large-sized slushie won’t either. His heart’s a strong one, it’s been to hell and back and he can show you vouchers — his student’s record book, thank you very much.

“You’re gonna have diabetes,” Eddie, Bill’s boyfriend, intones, when Richie arrives to their apartment to pick up Bill with a venti gingerbread latte in his right hand. “Feed him something or come up with a good eulogy,” he tells Bill, standing on tiptoe to leave a quick peck on his cheek.

“But your mom told me I shouldn’t ever force myself to eat—” Richie tries, but Bill pushes him out of the apartment with a sigh and closes the door, leaving Eddie’s pink-cheeked and ready-to-fight face behind it.

“Sure you’re not hungry?”

“It’s always like that when you miss a night of your beauty sleep,” Richie grimaces as they get into the elevator. “But we still can grab something to go.”

“McDonalds?”

Richie chuckles. As kids, they always went to McDonalds before films, hiding burgers and fries in their little hats in winter or bringing a special backpack “for illegal purposes only” in summer so the cinema boys wouldn’t kick them out, or worse — make them throw everything away. Now, no one cares whether you bring your own snacks or not, and they actually finish their food while driving, but there’s still a lingering touch of nostalgia to the whole process.

They’re barely on time, because Richie insisted on buying a goddamn slushie, although the line was fucking enormous, and yet they take their seats exactly one minute before upcoming film trailers begin. They’re both excited as hell, the slushie tastes amazing after the first proper meal he’s had since yesterday’s evening (yes, fries, nuggets and a Big Mac is a meal, unlike two Kit Kats and a bag of Doritos), and yet…nothing goes as planned.

After fifteen minutes of the film, Richie starts to zone the fuck out. The food is still warm in his belly, his winter scarf he didn’t pull off is soft and comfortable under his crooked neck, his eyelids feel like the only thing heavier than them is his head. He tries, he really does, he clears his glasses twice, he finishes his slushie with the largest gulps to wake up, he bites the insides of his cheeks, but it’s all pointless.

Thirty minutes into the film, and Richie’s gone.

***

“Richie! Richie, wuw-wake up! Oh my guh-god, I’m so suh-sorry, he—Richie!“

Bill sounds nervous. His childhood stutter comes back when he is. There’s a tug at Richie’s hand he barely registers.

“It’s okay,” someone chuckles curtly right above Richie’s ear. “At least his hair is clean.”

Um, rude.

Well, maybe in a different situation, Richie wouldn’t have thought that it’s rude. Like, it’s always nice when people have clean hair. Yes.

But.

He’s diabolically tired. His nerves are nothing but a strained, stiff line that is in an alarming danger to snap and slap you in the face, his mind is dangerously aggressive, meeting every single thing with feverish hostility, and Richie doesn’t even wonder if it’s him the voice is talking about. Even if it’s not, it’s still rude. He tries to remember when he last washed his hair — this morning, to not die before emerging from his flat. And his shampoo is nice too, it’s his mom’s shampoo, because he has her curls and—

“Richie!”

He straightens up abruptly, as if someone just kicked him in the balls, eyes still blurry, like a newborn bird’s.

“Ye.”

Someone starts laughing.

“He sounds like that vine.”

Richie blinks and turns to his left, still not quite conscious of the situation, yet quite aware that this someone’s laughing at him.

The first boy he sees sits one seat away from Richie, but he’s leaning forward, elbows on knees, face on the palms of his hands. He’s the one who said about the vine (Richie’s almost one hundred percent sure he knows which vine), and although Richie feels very attacked, he has to admit, the boy’s cute. He has dark skin, dark eyes, jawline to kill (and to die) for, and his smile is so wide and genuinely nice that it would be a shame to get mad at the owner.

Fuck this guy, he’s educated on vines and he’s hot. If it wasn’t for the “basically a ray of sunshine” part, Richie would fall.

And then there’s the asshole. He opens his mouth again.

“The peanut baby vine?” Richie looks at the mop of curly dark-blond hair, currently hiding the said asshole’s face as he turns to look at the first guy, and Richie’s offended diva is back. He may be a fuckup, but no one has a right to say anything about his hair with a voice like this. Even if it’s greasy as fuck, knotty and smells like used oil, like everyone’s hair smells after visiting places where kitchens are inside the main room and they just keep frying the shit out of food right in front of you; even then, no one can say shit about his hair, even—

“Yeah, that one,” the dark-skinned guy laughs again, and the curly asshole turns to face Richie.

No one can say shit about Richie’s hair, even if they own Cupid’s face. No joke, the guy—pardon, the motherfucker looks like an epitome of Cupid from the Psyche myth (not the fat winged baby). Richie quickly gets mad at himself for paying this much attention to the guy, but know your enemy, right? Know your enemy — their hair dark blond hair, like fields of rye in November, their plump pale lips and pale, although with a warm undertone, skin with an almost invisible constellation of freckles on the wings of his nose, their eyes and their dark, muddy colour Richie can’t really identify in the poor lighting of the auditorium. They’re bright with joy and fox-like curiosity, yet insolent and a little arrogant; daring.

Seriously, do people have to be this pretty? One is hot, like an Abercrombie model you see once and think of for days, the second one is not hot but really, really attractive, like someone who would make a fortune with this intense stare, peeling you off right there, where you’ve had a misfortune to capitulate.

“Rich,” he feels Bill’s large hand on his shoulder, still participating in this ugly staring competition with the curly one. “Guys, we’re sorry ag-again, huh-he’s really tired and doesn’t cuh-control himself.”

Richie blinks and frowns, ready to explode right into Bill’s face, but he cuts him off.

“Come on, Richie, we gotta go.”

They stand up, Richie taking his empty slurpie glass in one hand and looking at the guys again. Everything feels like a dream, his brain is too heavy, his legs disobey, his hands don’t feel like they belong to him.

“ ‘s alright, no big deal,” the first boy says again with the gentlest glimmer to his eyes and the loveliest smile, but Richie…Richie’s tired and bitter and…stupid.

“Yeah, you’re probably used to people leaving after waking up with you,” he says, looking directly into the curly one’s eyes. “Not you, you’re cool,” he winks quickly at his friend, as Bill starts swearing quietly and pulling Richie towards the door.

“Dude,” he says, when they both emerge from the cinema doors, a cig already in his fingers. He offers his pack to Richie without a word.

They smoke in silence, walking towards Richie’s car, and Richie is the one to break it.

“Did I really fall asleep on him?”

Bill chuckles and rolls his eyes.

“Yes you did. I didn’t notice until the lights were on.”

“Surprised he didn’t say anything,” Richie mutters, turning the car key.

“You’re too hard on the guy,” Bill huffs out, lips still wearing a lopsided grin. “He didn’t say anything—“

“Yes he did, I heard what he said about my hair, it’s—“

“Rich,” Bill sighs, but he’s not in the least bit mad or disapproving. Bill has always been a keeper of the wonderful gift of understanding. “He said you weren’t a bother and that he’s glad your hair’s not greasy. This is a perfectly normal thing to say, you’re just tired and tensed, and take things too personally. You just need a rest. C’mon, want me to drive you home? I’ll catch a bus to mine, no problem.”

***

The next four days Richie spends at home, sleeping and eating. Sleeping, eating, watching Netflix, thinking about the curly boy, sometimes. Actually, the memory of that day quickly turns into something embarrassing for Richie, something he knows that will make his cheeks grow hot and pink even years later. He was really, really rude to the guy, rude for nothing, and the worst part of the situation is — he can’t apologize. And! The worst-worst part is that the second-to-worst part is — the boy was absolutely gorg dot com. What an unfortunate turn of events: Richie can’t even suck his dick as an apology. Or just suck his dick. Whatever, he’d find a way to make it up to the boy, he’s talented with all parts of his body.

But it’s like falling in love with someone you saw on a train or in line at grocery store. Or maybe slightly worse, because Richie manage to fall fucking asleep on the guy, but still — a crush, doomed to picturesque longing and a quiet little death. It’s all about the masochistic nature of humankind — Richie concludes bitterly to himself, because although he’s a certificated Trashmouth, there’s a pathologically romanticistic heart under all these layers of shit.

No, seriously. He’s too much for everyone, even for himself. Especially for himself.

But enough with this shit, Richie decides the moment next, because his mood swings are the only thing wilder than his imagination. C’est la vie, you fuck up and you keep going until you fuck up again. Maybe there is a lesson he can learn, like to keep his mouth shut when he’s tired or, um, to do his homework in time and not traumatize himself…but it’s Richie. He never learns.

He falls asleep on his couch again, trying to decide what he wants to eat after waking up. God only knows why his actual last thought is so, what the curly boy smelled like?

***

Richie doesn’t remember the last time he’s been to a library. He’s always felt that a book should belong to him for being able to read it comfortably, but when you’re assigned to write a research on Andrei Tarkovskiy’s connection with slavic symbolism…not many books you can find in a regular American bookshop down the street.

The library is huge. The entrance is decorated with ionic columns and the door is so massive Richie barely manages to open it. Inside, it’s just as impressive, with the highest ceilings he’s ever seen and beautiful bookcases and tables of dark wood, situated under big thick windows. Richie undoes his scarf and immediately walks towards the service desk, knowing for sure there’s no way he’ll manage to find anything without help. His steps are loud in the monumental silence of this place.

“Uh, hi?” he says, as quietly as he can, and the boy behind the desk looks up at him and smiles politely.

“Good afternoon. How can I help you?”

“Well,” Richie chuckles, trying to hope for the best. “Do you happen to know any books related to slavic symbolism in Soviet cinematography, Andrei Tarkovskiy’s specifically?”

The boy arches his eyebrows. Richie smiles unsurely and gets ready to shrug it off and maybe convince his lecturer to change his topic of research.

“I’ll have to be honest, I have no idea how to help you, sir, but my colleague, who is currently in the section number eight is probably more educated on this matter.”

“Oh, okay,” Richie nods, considering to leave the place right now, but the boy’s softest, a little apologetic smile decide for him.

“It’s to the left, straight up until you see the number.”

“Thank you very much,” Richie tells him and turns towards the rows of bookcases.

12, 11, 10, 9…here it is.

The amount of books is almost frightening. The bookshelves are no less than two and a half meters tall, and Richie immediately imagines one of these things crashing epically right on his head. He licks his lips and takes a deep breath, then turns behind the number Eight.

Five or more bookcases, forming some kind of a wall. In a couple of steps from where Richie’s standing, leaning on one of them, there’s a ladder, and on the ladder, one and a half meters above the floor, there’s a boy with a couple of books in his hands. Richie, even in glasses, can’t really see his face, because the light doesn’t reach it.

“Hi,” the boy speaks up first, although Richie decides to wait until he’s finished. It’s like, dangerous. The whole construction looks…unsafe. “Can I help you?”

“Yes, hello, uh, the boy at the desk told me you could help me to find some resources on slavic symbolism in Andrei Tarkovskiy’s films?”

Richie doesn’t notice that he’s holding his breath. The boy’s hands don’t stop, they don’t even flinch, he surely keeps placing the books one by one to where they belong. They’re both silent for a long minute.

“I’m not sure I can help you to find something with both Andrei Tarkovskiy and slavic symbolism, but you could look through slavic symbolism analysis in Russian art in general and the language of Andrei Tarkovskiy’s separately.”

Motherfucker.

“Oh wow, that would actually—“

“Also on the Internet there are a lot of articles on what inspired Tarkovskiy’s methods, if I were you I’d check them out as well.”

The last two books stay tucked under his arm, and that is when he begins to climb down.

“God, lemme help you,” Richie’s heart trembles and starts beating faster at the sight of how tremendously dangerous the boy’s position looks, and he rushes towards the ladder.

“I’m alri—“ the boy turns his head to look at Richie, and when their eyes meet and the spark of recognition explodes between them, two things happen at once: first, Richie’s heart stops, and second, the boy falls down the ladder.

“Bloody fuck,” Richie breathes out, already on his knees beside the boy’s sprawled body. It’s him, of course it’s him, his curly hair, pale freckles on heart-shaped face, but now it’s all red, wearing a grimace of breathless pain. Richie’s so shocked he doesn’t know what to do. The boy turns to lay on his back and a hard moan escapes his lips.

“Oh God, oh fuck, what the—“

“Shut up,” the boy manages to say, chest trembling from the efforts to control his breath. “Shut up and call the—“

“Stan! Jesus, what happened!?”

The other boy is now here too, Richie sees him with the corner of his eye. He looks back though, quickly inspecting the boy’s—Stan’s body.

“What does it look like,” he mocks, cheeks darker than a pomegranate. If Richie wasn’t so terrified, he would appreciate this. Like, a lot. “Call an ambulance, quick, I think my collarbone is broken.”

“Oh my God,” Richie and the other boy mutter in unison, and Stan rolls his eyes.

“Well unfortunately, it’s not my fucking neck, so I’m kind of in pain right now and would really appreciate—“

“God, yes, sorry, yes.”

Richie too pulls out his phone, hands shaking, while Stan closes his eyes and tries to remain unmoving. There’s not much Richie can do, but it’s still something. The other boy’s panicked voice is explaining something in the background. Every ring lasts forever, and when Eddie finally picks the phone, Richie’s sure he almost had a heart attack. Twice.

“Eds? Hi, listen, what do I do if someone breaks their collarbone?”

He accidentally catches Stan’s unreadable stare and looks away, heart already on fire.

“What? Richie, what the fuck, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m just—“

“Did anyone break their collarbone?”

“Well it looks like this, yeah.”

“Did you call—“

“Yeah, but—“

“Okay, fuck, okay, most importantly, do not try to move the body until they arrive, it’s really fucking important, got it? Let them stay where they are, immobilize the shoulders completely, also—do you have ice there?”

“Do you—“ Richie turns to the other boy, but he’s still on the phone, so he has to ask Stan. “Do you have ice?”

Stan blinks, and for the first time, Richie notices that he’s balancing his head above the floor. It’s clear lowering it hurts him. Oh, and his pride is too hard-to-swallow to ask for help. It’s hot.

“Yes, I think we do.”

“Yeah, we do,” Richie repeats and moves awkwardly on his knees to help Stan keep his head up. Stan freezes for a second, but then blinks and relaxes into Richie’s hands.

“Use it for pain, you can give them an ibuprofen too, but don’t let them move, Richie, okay!? Now tell me what the fuck—“

“Later, Eds, thanks a lot, bye,” Richie breaths out as fast as he can and focuses on Stan.

Even upside down, he looks pretty.

Fuck.

Richie, shut the hell up, you’ll think about this later, you sick fuck.

Stan looks him in the eye, and Richie sees that those irises are brown. They’re bright with accidental tears, framed with dark thick lashes, and the colour is not exactly brown, more like greenish-brown, like pine tree needles three weeks after Christmas.

“You shouldn’t move,” Richie says, back to reality. “You shouldn’t move, we need ice and you’re allowed to take an ibuprofen.”

“They’re gonna be here in ten minutes,” the other boy finally joins them, face as red as Stan’s. Actually, even worse: red is his neck and probably his shoulders are too.

“Could you bring me some ice? And a glass of water with an ibuprofen?” Stan asks him, and Richie’s finally calmed down enough to notice how calm Stan is, although the situation is…literally the craziest he’s ever been in. He moves his leg to support his arm holding Stan’s head. Fuck, those curls are soft. Not like Richie’s, Richie’s are soft too, but Stan’s are in thicker rings, curling tenderly around Richie’s pale fingers, licking the boy’s unhealthily pale sweaty forehead.

“Like what you see?” Richie hears Stan’s voice and meets his intense gaze again. There is this daring glimmer to his eyes again, and Richie willingly accepts it.

“Dude, stop,” he chuckles weakly, licking his lips. “ You know I’m already in love.”

Despite their position, Stan huffs, but then his face skews of pain.

“Shh,” Richie winces and moves his fingers in an instinctive soothing motion. “You’re gonna be fine soon.”

“It’s not that bad, just a collarbone. Happens to people all the time.”

“At least it didn’t break through your skin,” Richie blurts out and regrets it immediately, cheeks flaming up.

But then, Stan chuckles. There’s a dimple in one of his cheeks, the left one. Richie’s almost sure his eyes are fully heart-shaped by now.

“Here,” the other librarian boy rushes up to them with what looks like a towel, stuffed with ice cubes, and a glass of water.

He puts a pill in Stan’s lips and lets him drink carefully, then passes Richie the towel.

“Tell me where,” Richie murmurs, and despite how fucked up the situation actually is, this feels oddly intimate. He lowers the towel and feels how more tensed Stan grows.

“A bit—yeah,” he breathes out, and Richie presses down a little.

“Told you you should’ve taken a lunch break,” the librarian guy mumbles softly, and for a moment Richie thinks he’s gonna cry.

Stan rolls his eyes. Richie keeps holding. Somewhere near the door bursts open.

***

“This shit’s surreal,” Bill says after a long pause, when Richie calls him from the hospital an hour later. “I don’t believe this.”

“Fair enough,” Richie nods to himself, inspecting his shoes. “And yet.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Probably something stupid,” Richie hears Eddie’s voice and grins.

“You’re absolutely correct, Edward.”

“You scared the shit out of me,” comes an answer, and Richie thanks him once again for helping out.

“Trust me, I was ten times worse.”

“It’s actually unbelievable,” Bill says again, and Richie knows the face he’s probably wearing at the moment: blue eyes wide, eyebrows furrowed in the slightest bit, one corner of his lips crooked a little. “If it’s not fate, I don’t know what it is.”

“Ooooow,” Richie and Eddie fondly mock him in unison, and Richie knows for sure someone’s gonna get some when he hangs up. “Don’t get too emotional, Big Bill, Edster likes it rough, just like his mom.”

“Oh for fuck’s—“ Eddie’s scandalized howl is the last thing he hears before the line goes silent, and he’s alone again, with the most shit-eating smirk on his face.

The other librarian boy — Ben, he learned when the ambulance arrived — stayed at the library, and Richie was secretly happy to accompany Stan to the hospital alone, although he insisted a couple of times that Richie doesn’t need to.

Richie’s stomach growls and he needs a fag asap, but there’s no way he’s missing Stan. God only knows when he’s at the library again, and Richie needs…Richie needs to talk.

And when Stan, with a sling supporting his hand, walks out of the emergency room, Richie stands up, not being able to help a smile forming on his face.

“Don’t you have other things to do?” Stan asks him, but he’s not annoyed. He looks tired and disheveled, but still calm, and Richie notices that they’re both the same height. Stan’s all legs though, all legs and curls.

“You’re the most important one on the list,” Richie answers automatically, and Stan purses his lips, clearly unimpressed. His eyes glimmer brighter, though. “Hungry?”

Stan graciously arches his dark eyebrow.

“Are you—“ he cuts himself off, clearly thinking it’s a bad idea, but when Richie keeps waiting (politely, although he’s nervous as fuck, because hello to today’s third heart attack), he licks his lips and starts again. “Are you trying to ask me out?”

“Maybe?” thank God his voice sounds much, much more confident than he, in fact, is.

Richie probably needs to get comfortable with Stan needing a moment of silence to think good. Unlike other people that start…to ramble.

“Sorry, I’m just used to people leaving after waking up with me.”

Richie’s jaw hits the floor harder than that meteor hit the Earth and fucked up the dinosaurs. Go off, Stan the Man, go the fuck off.

And he doesn’t even look proud of himself. It’s as casual for him as it is for Richie to tell your dad a mom joke. For Heaven’s sake, who is this guy?

“Well,” Richie squeaks, feeling that his body is on again, as if something blew his fuse for a moment. “It’s not happening any time soon, pretty boy,” he points at Stan’s sling, “so I thought maybe I could try something different.”

“Like what?” he’s smiling now. Legit.

“A dinner? A couple of them? Maybe films? Although I’ll have to be careful with this one, your shoulders are fragile now.”

Stan’s smile becomes even wider as Richie continues to ramble, and although it’s not the brightest and sunniest smile he’s ever seen, it sure feels like the most precious one. It feels like a reward.

It still feels like the most precious reward, weeks later, when they finally wake up together and Richie only leaves to pee and to make them a coffee. Months later, when Richie lets his hand slide down Stan’s shoulder and feels the slightest crook to his collarbone with the tips of his fingers. Years later, after some shitty horror film about some monster clown who eats kids, when he proposes in that empty cinema auditorium, in those exact seats.

Stan still needs a minute to think good, but his burning, incandescent smile says everything Richie needs to know.

[89tczier]

People are talking

The other five chuckle at the two’s antics, and it’s only then that something dawns on Ben so quick he nearly chokes on his beer.

“Holy shit,” he splutters, because how the fuck did it take him this long to fucking realise.

read on AO3 

word count: 3.9k

7 days before

“–and keep an eye on Ben and Bev!” Richie shouts, “I don’t want my bed broke–” he’s cut off by a very exasperated Eddie.

“Can it, Trashmouth,” He snaps, pulling Richie the rest of the way through the door by the lapels of his jacket. For some reason, those two were being trusted to bring back some actual alcohol rather than the shit Richie’s always left with at the end of the month. They all know its gonna take them twice as long than if anyone competent was sent, but the others are frankly just too lazy to offer themselves.

The other five chuckle at the two’s antics, and it’s only then that something dawns on Ben so quick he nearly chokes on his beer.

“Holy shit,” he splutters, because how the fuck did it take him this long to fucking realise.

Bev’s quick to respond, patting his back and giggling in a way that makes Ben feel a little loopy, “jeez, babe, you alright?”

Ben nods, composing himself under the watch of his friends, clearly interested in what could have possibly caused this outburst. “Yeah, sorry, it’s just,” Ben casts a glance back at the door, “they’re like… totally in love, right?” He’s met with nothing but confused looks.

“Richie and Eddie?” Stan asks incredulously while perched in Mike’s lap.

“Richie and Eddie,” he confirms.

Bill, currently nestled under Mike’s arm, snorts like it’s one of Richie’s stupid jokes, “the f-fuck are you on about?”

Ben almost gawks like he didn’t just figure this out, but he did kind of expect the pieces to fall quickly into place once he pointed it out, “have you not seen the way they act? Textbook married couple.”

“They’ve always been like that though,” Bev shrugs, her brows furrowed as she appears to be trying to follow Ben’s logic (he loves her for trying).

He raises a finger. “My point still stands,” and goes on to explain, “they’re literally always together, hanging off each other… who’s the first person Richie asks for at a party? Who does Eddie always sit next to on movie night? They just– how can you guys not see it?”

“You’re talkin’ absolute bullshit, Benny,” Mike shakes his head, “Eddie’s close to ripping Rich’s head off half the time.”

“Oh come on, if he was really that annoyed he’d have said something about it. Eddie doesn’t stand for anything he doesn’t like.” Ben takes a pointed sip of his shitty beer to punctuate and this point seems to land, and Ben would be lying if he said he didn’t feel the least bit satisfied with himself. He’d always had an eye for this stuff, even if he was rather shitty at acting upon it himself (but hey, it worked out pretty well for him).

“Leave it to Trashmouth Tozier to flirt with someone by annoying the life out of them,” Bev smiles.

“And leave it to Eddie fuckin’ Kaspbrak to flirt back with threats and holy fuck Ben I think you’re right.” Mike’s face goes blank.

“See!”

Bill still seems like he’s considering it, “it would explain a l-lot, mainly how Eddie hasn’t actually k-k-killed him yet… a-nd the fu-fucking hammock!”

A chorus of ‘holy shit’s go around the circle. Then it all becomes clear.

“God, they’ve had this since high school?” Bev snorts.

“Why haven’t they said anything?” Mike asks, “It’s not like we’re gonna care, we’re one big lovey mess,” he squeezes both Stan and Bill for emphasis.

“I don’t think they’re dating, necessarily, they’re just… in love.” Ben shrugs.

Bill grins, “now that guh-gives me an idea…”

“You’re hot when you scheme,” Stan hums, resting his head against Mike’s.

“Tell me about it,” Mike agrees, and is poked gently by Bill.

“I think, and I s-say this only for the b-benefit and happiness of my two dumbest friends, we should… encourage them to get a fuh-fucking move on.”

Bev shuffles forward and straightens up, “like… goad them together?”

Bill raises his bottle, “exactly,” and takes a sip while Mike and Stan nod to each other in agreement.

“Smokin’ hot.”

Bill chokes, and laughter fills the room as he curses his boyfriends out.

“Sounds like we’re missing out on something, Eds, they’re officially kicking us out,” Richie pretends to mope as they enter Richie’s apartment again, a bottle in both of his hands. Eddie scoffs.

“Maybe you, asshole, you’re the one who got held up by some dog on the street,”

They all wait for it.

“And don’t fuckin’ call me Eds!”

Richie grins like he’s won a prize.

–

6 days before

Bev isn’t the least bit fucking surprised when she wakes up to see she’s been added to a group chat called “operation: let’s get our two losers together”. She smiles, shifting some in Ben’s arms. He stirs, letting out a warm breath against her skin that makes the hairs on the back of her neck stand straight.

“You see this?” She asks, turning the screen some so he can see. He squints and lets out a sleepy chuckle which makes Bev melt a little. She runs a hand over his forearm and locks their hands together, squeezing for good measure.

“God, this is either gonna go great or really terrible,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to the skin where her neck meets her shoulders.

She hums, turning to face him, “I don’t know… I have a good feeling about this.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah… they seem meant for each other, I guess…” she pauses, smiles, and kisses him, “we all do.”

Ben smiles against her mouth and is about to return the favour when a string of texts floods both their phones.

put it away Benny Boy, we’ve got matchmaking to do ~ Big Bill, sent at 08:23

Meet us in our flat ~ Stan, sent at 08:23

guys, give em the chance to wake up, they had a long night ;) ~ Mikey, sent at 08:24

they need to hurry up and get a move on, we’ve been talkin all night and they need to get caught up ~ Big Bill, sent at 08:24

Well, not all night ~ Stan, sent at 08:25

…cease ~ Big Bill, sent at 08:25

“On second thought, this is the worst idea ever.”

She cackles, dragging both of them up and towards the bathroom. The boys could wait a little longer.

“Casa de Stan, recently co-owned by Bill and Mike too, speaking please?” This is always how he answers, the dope.

“Hey Mikey,” Ben says, voice still a little groggy from sleep. God, he’s hot, Bev thinks to herself, slotting a gloved hand into his.

“Hey guys!” The door clicks open, and they breeze up the first flight of stairs.

Bill greets them at the door, still in his sleep shirt. “Don’t,” he deadpans, right as Bev’s about to poke fun at the bruising around his neck and chest. She grins slyly at him, patting him on the back as she passes him.

“Benny! Bev! Get in here!” Mike calls from the den. Bill follows them in, taking a seat next to Mike and throwing his legs over his boyfriend’s lap. Stan’s stood hunched over the small stove on the other side of the room, scrambling some eggs which smell unfairly delicious to a moderately hung-over Beverly.

“You’ll get some in a minute,” he states, reading her mind.

“Always knew you were my favourite,” she said, which earns a ‘hey’ from both Mike and Bill.

Bill calls them all to sit down, explaining that they need to actually plan this out as quickly as possible. Richie and Eddie were the only ones with early classes that day and it would be suspicious (and mean) if they were told to keep at bay while the rest of them hung out.

They chow down on some scrambled eggs (which exceed expectations, Bev reminds herself to get the recipe off of Stan), and it ends up working out like this:

They’re going to pry for a few days, see if they can get a rise out of either of them, then at the end of the week they’re all going to meet up at Stan’s place. Using an excuse they haven’t though of yet, they’re going to try to get both Eddie and Richie into the bathroom at the same time and then block the door.

“N-nothing like a confined space and a l-little bit of drink to get the vibe g-going,” Bill grins.

“Speakin’ from experience there, Big Bill?” Beverly playfully chides, giggling as Bill’s ears go pink.

Ben hums quietly, “what if they don’t go for it?”

“They looked three seconds away from mauling each other last night, I think they’ll jump at any excuse they get,” Mike points out, and the plan is set.

They say their goodbyes afterwards, and as Bev fiddles with the key to their flat, Ben takes her wrist gently, turning her around and pulling her into him.

“I love you,” he says, and kisses her in that wonderful way he does that leaves her wanting so much more.

“I love you too,” She grins, draping her arms over his shoulders, “always will.”

–

4 days before

Richie is head over fucking heels, Bill decides.

The two of them offer to help Eddie study terms for a quiz at the end of the week, which fuck knows why they had any hope of that working.

They start off well, Richie and himself trading roles as Eddie nailed each piece of terminology about cognitive processes with detailed explanations to boot. It takes about ten minutes of their relaxed sprawling over Eddie’s floor for their resolve to break. It starts with Richie’s foot-tapping Eddie’s shin to the beat of whatever song he’s humming as Bill reads from the flashcards. Then it’s the complements, and holy fuck, how has Bill never caught this before.

“So smart, so cute!”

“Rich, if you don’t shut up, I’m trying to concentrate.”

“Can’t help it, I’m like a mama bird watching her baby take flight for the first time. Just wanna puke some worms into your mouth.”

“Richie! That’s fucking disgusting!” Eddie near screeches, pushing himself up and lunging forward, knocking Richie back onto the ground and pinning him down. Richie’s laughing like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever seen, and Eddie is too. He can’t believe these assholes are in college.

Okay, this is perfect, Bill thinks, as right on cue, Eddie leaves the room to grab his textbook.

“Got somethin’ on my face, Billy?” Richie asks once he catches the ‘care to explain?’ look Bill is giving him.

“Don’t w-worry about it,” Bill gives his best nonchalant shrug, “it’s just cute, that’s all.”

And he catches it, the signature ‘i’m fucking whipped’ look: the dopey smile, the avoidance of eye contact, the excepting laugh. Gotcha, bitch.

“Isn’t he just?”

–

2 days before

Stan’s starting to fret.

The text came through a few minutes ago, and Stan is reeling.

eddie said he met a guy last night??? went home w him and everythin??? ~ Bevvy, sent at 13:03

“A one night stand?” Mike asks, leaning over Bill’s shoulder to read with Bill’s glasses on because his own are fuck knows where.

“Fucking apparently?”

“Okay, this might not be as b-bad as it seems. They d-don’t know about the other l-liking them, yeah? Eddie’s p-probably, like, in denial or coping or som-something.” Bill slots his glasses off of Mike’s face.

Stan stops pacing and takes a breath, collapsing onto the arm chair opposite, “you’re right, probably just Eddie being stubborn.”

“‘Atta boy, Stan,” Mike grins, shifting to the side and stretching out his legs, resting them in Bill’s lap.

did eddie seem interested in the guy? ~ Big Bill, sent at 13:11

not really, didn’t really talk about him much ~ Bevvy, sent at 13:12

They all sighed.

“Why are we so invested in this again?” Stan mumbles.

“Because it’s gonna be entertaining as fuck if we pull it off.”

–

1 day before

Mike has more luck.

He, Bev and Eddie are browsing around the grocers, preparing for tomorrow when they hear a yelp from the isle next to them. Mike peeks around, seeing a very excited looking Richie pick Eddie up from behind, bouncing him around like he weighs nothing. Mike expects a slew of curses, but Eddie giggles like Mike’s never heard before.

“Put me down, you asshole! You’re gonna knock something over.”

“You’re the one flailing your limbs, Eds– Mike and Ikes! Fancy seeing you here!” He damn near drops Eddie, who’s flushed and breathless.

“We’re trying to shop, you asshole, can’t we have five minutes peace,” Eddie gives him a light shove.

“Oh I know, I’m on a last minute supply run.”

And Mike’s stupid enough to fall for it and ask, “why?”

“Pickin’ up Eddie’s mom, need condoms.” He wiggles his eyebrows, and they both laugh as Eddie goes ballistic.

“Get the fuck out of here, Trashmouth, before I commit a crime,” he shoots Richie daggers, and Rich gives him a salute.

“Sir yes sir,” he half-shouts, sprinting over to a very tired looking cashier.

Eddie’s still watching him, “asshole,” he says with so much fondness Mike thinks he might start floating.

“You don’t seem to mind,” He pokes at Eddie’s pinked cheeks, snorting as Eddie smacks it away from his face.

“Hey dipshits,” Bev calls, carrying a basket full of crisps and liquor, “did you get the chasers?”

Eddie sighs, turning on his heel and walking back to the fridge, which Mike’s guessing was where he was heading before Richie snatched him up.

“Will diet do?”

“Sure, go crazy.” Mike says, as he quickly types.

eddie’s absolutely gone for him, this is gonna go great ~ Mikey, sent 21:33

–

The night of

It’s a slow day for Eddie. His test has been eating away at him slowly and painfully (no matter how  many times Richie said he’d crush it) and while he left feeling confident, he knows he’s still gonna stress about it. It goes fine, but he’s still thinking about it during his shift and the worry hasn’t left him.

It’s just a stupid test, he thinks as his stomach continues to knot itself. Thank god he’s getting drunk tonight.

Eddie lives the furthest away from Stan’s (and Bill and Mike’s) and he really doesn’t wanna walk that far in the cold so he stops by Richie’s after class, knowing he probably has a couple of nice shirts left over there from nights where he’s really too drunk to go home, inevitably leaving the next morning in one of Richie’s shirts instead (huh, funny how that happens). He also knows that if he so much as catches sight of his roommate, he’ll fucking blow up.

He fishes Richie’s key from his pocket, lets himself in and thinks Christ, would it kill Rich to clean up a bit? He’s certain that the pillows from the couch are still there from last Friday. He steps over them after pushing off his shoes in the corner.

“Rich, You fuckin slob! Clean your apartment,” Eddie calls out in place of a hello.

“Afternoon to you too, Eddie!” He hears back. Eddie follows his voice through to the bedroom and finds himself lost for fucking words.

Richie’s standing in front of his bathroom mirror, shirtless, drying off his mess of curls with a towel. He doesn’t notice him for a moment, and Eddie takes that moment to curse the way those jeans hang from his hips. He lingers on Richie’s wiry frame for just a moment more than he probably should.

Damn, Tozier he huffs.

“You peeping on me, Eddie?” Richie’s dumb Southern Belle accent should drive Eddie up the wall, and Eddie does roll his eyes, though it’s really just for show. They both know that.

“Your den is a mess.”

“I like it that way,” Richie’s quick to reply, brushing past Eddie as he heads for his dresser.

“Tough shit, I don’t,” Eddie snaps back, now back in his rhythm as the blood returns to his brain.

Richie grins as he picks through his shirt, taking his sweet time with it and all Eddie can focus on is the hint of his happy trail poking out above the waistband of his jeans. He chooses one, and now Eddie can actually look away as Richie holds the tee up for his approval.

It’s his The Cure one, black, matching his nails and jeans, and easily Eddie’s favourite, both on Richie and to wear himself (it’s comfortable, and it definitely has nothing to do with the looks Richie gives him in it).

They kill time by fixing up Richie’s couch and watching weird ASMR videos on Richie’s laptop. Eddie’s sure the effect is lessened by only having one earbud, but it’s still uncomfortable but so worth hearing Richie snort each time Eddie cringes.

“Is it just me,” Richie says, hitting pause on a woman in cat ears about to pretend to ask them out, “or have the others been acting weird.”

“Right?” Eddie yanks the earbud out, “Bev’s been like… weirdly invasive… like more than she usually is.”

“They all have, what do you think it’s about?”

“I have a funny fucking feeling we’re gonna find out.”

–

There’s a weird fucking vibe in the place when he and Eddie arrive.

“We miss out on the world’s weirdest orgy or something?” Richie asks, mostly joking, as eyes fall on the two of them.

Stan makes an exaggerated gagging sound, and Bill’s face screws up. What a great audience he has.

“Shut up and sit down, Trashmouth, we’re doing shots,” Bev playfully snarls at him.

It gets a little less weird the more Richie has to drink, but he’s either going crazy or there’s something going on. He looks at Eddie, and Eddie shrugs right before he throws a shot back, and Richie gets to watch his Adam’s Apple bob and his eyes squeeze shut and his nose crinkle up because Eds–

“–cant fuckin stand tequila.”

God, he’s cute.

He meets Richie’s gaze, “what the fuck are you smirking about?”

He’s hot, too.

“You take every shot like it’s your fucking first, Eds,” he teases back and it’s huskier than he means it to come out, because he’s tipsy and can’t stop staring at that little drop of liquor running down Eddie’s chin.

Bill chokes, sending everything in the shot glass over his face. Mike cackles.

“Rich, can you go g-get me a f-fuckin washcloth.”

And it’s there that everything ramps up to fuckin’ eleven. Ben starts grinning, Stan’s got that fucking look on his face that can only mean trouble.

“Why the fuck do I have to do it?”

“C-cuz you m-made me spit every-w-where!”

Richie puts his hands up in mock defeat, “alright, alright, damn.” And he stands up, shuffling into the bathroom.

“Oh!” Stan calls after him, “my contacts too!”

“Aye aye!” Richie yells back, scanning the mirror cabinet for anything resembling a fucking contact case. Disinfectant, no, flavoured lube, nice but no… Richie’s squinting as if that’s gonna fucking help. “Can’t fuckin find ‘em, Stan!” He calls back out to them.

He hears a soft “Eddie, go help him,” from Mike.

“You’re going blind for real, fuckface, lemme see,” Eddie rolls his eyes at him, and tries shoving Richie out of the way with his side, but really just ends up pushed up against him. He’s warm and smells of spirits and vanilla, Richie doesn’t fight back, nor does he notice the others approaching the bathroom either.

He’s so focused on the way Eddie’s tongue pokes out of his mouth ever so slightly when he’s concentrating he’s a second too slow to realise.

“When did Stan start wearing contacts– oh shit, Eds, wait–” Richie’s barely gotten the words out before the bathroom door slams shut, making Eddie jump closer against him.

The other losers are whooping and hi-fiving from the other side of the door, and Eddie turns to stare at Richie as if to say what the fuck just happened???

“Beats me.”

“Admit it and we’ll let you out!” Bev says in what Richie assumes is a terrible Terminator impression.

It takes a second (again, because liquor and Eddie) to realise, and he flashes Eddie the biggest grin he can muster.

“Golly gee, Eds, I think they figured it out!”

He’s not being loud, but the others can apparently hear him, because they’re gloating stops in an instant.

Eddie matches his grin, “fucking finally,”

“Wait, what?” Mike sounds confused.

The door opens, and the others are staring at them like their fucking martians.

“Wait what the fuh-fuck?”

Hm, that’s interesting.“I have a feeling there’s been a big misunderstanding,” Richie starts, still grinning.

“Did you guys do it already?”

Eddie snorts, Richie scratches the back of his neck, “uh, gonna have to ask you to be a bit more specific, Benny.”

“Confess. Did we not hear it?”

Eddie frowns, “confess to what?”

“Don’t be difficult, Kaspbrak,” Stan groans, “that you’ve been secretly pining for each other for fuckin’ ages?”

“Is that what you shut us in there for?” Richie asked, his voice creeping up an octave because oh, this was delicious.

The five of them answer simultaneously “yes!”

Richie looks down at Eddie, who holds his gaze for all of one second before they dissolve back into shit eating grins.

“God we really gave you guys too much credit.”

“Stop being coy, trashmouth!”

“We’ve literally been dating for three months, holy shit, guys.” Eddie rubs his face like he’s exasperated.

“What?” Ben nearly yells.

“Here we are thinking you dumbfucks finally figured it out–”

“In fairness, Rich, they got halfway there.”

“When the fuck were you planning on telling us?” Stan demands, keeping a hold of Mike’s arm for balance.

Eddie volunteers to explain. “Well, it took a few weeks to kinda… figure stuff out, and we were gonna tell you then but then Rich wondered how long it would take you guys to figure it out on your own–”

“So you guys kept this shit on for three months?”

There's a mixture of confusion and amusement around the room. Richie had been kind of worried that they’d be angry that the two of them had kept this for so long, but upon learning that they’d also been scheming themselves for the past week, Richie feels pretty fuckin justified now.

Eddie gives his best ‘are you fucking joking’ face, “you guys never said anything! And as much as we wanted to just get over with, it was so fucking funny to see how much shit you guys would let us get away with.”

“Such as?”

“The fact that you, Beverly, bought “I needed a shirt after my ‘walk of shame’” as a reasonable excuse as to why I was standing in Richie’s kitchen, wearing one of his dumb band tees, absolutely covered in hickeys.”

The other four turned to look at Bev, who pursed her lips and mumbled, “understandable,” as Stan whisper yelled “how the fuck did you miss that?”

“Stan you literally walked in on us mid makeout!”

“What? When?” He demands.

“You burst into my flat, mid-rant…”

There’s a good five minutes of the two of them listing all the times there beautiful, supportive, oblivious as all fuck friends had missed what was so clearly in front of them. The energy shifted into something warm and jovial.

“So,” Richie takes Eddie’s hand, “which one of you started this.”

Everyone answers “Ben.”

Eddie grins up at him, and Richie swears he’ll die right there, “told ya so.”

[tournesolia]

Chaos Lineage Yuma Chapter 13 Translation

Place : Forest

Yui : It looks like... Reiji-san and the others aren't here. Did they already return to the mansion ?

Yuma : Maybe. It helps that we didn't end up into a conflict in the woods

But don't lower your guard. They must still be looking for us

Yui : Yes... They aren't going to give up

It would be the best scenario if it ends up withouth any fighting, but...

Yuma : … That would be impossible

Well, first of all, we should reach the dungeon safely. You got the strategy ?

Yui : Of course. I properly remember

I will be fine. It's rather more dangerous for you so be careful, okay ?

Yuma : I know. Don't worry. I'll manage

Yui : Okay

Yuma : Since Reiji and the others are figuring something out, will the prisoners listen to us ?

Most of them will run away right when they think of it as an opportunity

The only problem is... Ruki. He may not move 'cause he would think we're planning something

Yui : What do we do if this happens... ?

Yuma : I'll have to believe that my feelings will reach him...

Choice 1 : Let's believe (white roses)

Yui : Let's believe. I'm sure everything will be okay

Yuma : “Everything will be okay”... ? You say it so simply

Yui : Is that so ? It's because I always watched your usual selves

I believe we can't break the bond between you and Ruki-kun, no matter what

Yuma : Our bond, huh. Hah... Well, I've gotta believe in it

Choice 2 : You aren't confident ? (black roses)

Yui : Could it be you aren't confident... ?

Yuma : It's not that at all, but I'm nervous about Ruki

That guy's special. I know well it's not gonna be easy to deal with him

Yui : I see...

Yuma : But I'll figure something out. Ruki would laught at me if I get nervous here

Well, I just have to do it. I'm not gonna back out now

– End of choices

Yui : … Hey, it will surely be alright. Ruki-kun and the others will understand

Yuma : … Ah ?

Yui : Our bond with everyone can't break. We'll absolutely reach them

Yuma : … You're right. I've gotta believe in it

Yui : Yes !

Yuma : Alright, now that it's settled, let's go to where those guys are... !

Scene change : Scarlet mansion – Living room and dining room

Reiji : So Yuma and Eve are nowhere to be found after all...

Shu : There's no signs of them hiding in the forest. It's a different story if they're well hidden

Reiji : It's still hard to believe Yuma betrayed us...

Kino : But he actually ran away with Eve, right ?

We also have the prisoners' testimony, so there's no doubt. We have to prepare ourselves for the worst

Reiji : … Indeed. This is not the time to be sentimental

Kino : So, what do we do now ? He got Eve with him

Reiji : We'll naturally take her back. Now that Yuma is recognized as a traitor, we won't go easy on him

If he shows resistance, taking his life will be unavoidable. Will you guys cooperate ?

Kino : Of course... What about you, Shu ?

Shu : … Okay

Kino : Ahaha, so you aren't gonna defend Yuma anymore ?

You tried so hard to protect him and it ended up being in vain, what a pity

Shu : … You're noisy

Kino : But Reiji, when you get your hands on Eve, will you be alright ?

Reiji : What do you mean ?

Kino : She quite dislikes you

Reiji : Now that you mention it... this is indeed the case

However, if I take the time, I will manage to win Eve over either way

Because if Yuma managed to win her over, there's no way I can't

Yuma : Don't you dare say that !

*Yuma breaks through the window

Yuma : Too bad for you, Reiji ! She only looks at me !

Shu : Yuma... !

Reiji : Entering by breaking through the window... Your manners are bad as usual

Did you come to get killed without resistance ? Where is Eve ?

Yuma : As if I would tell you. You aren't suited for the supreme ruler !

Reiji : I beg you pardon... ?

Yuma : That's true, no ? I can't obey for your own satisfaction. I won't stand and watch you steal Eve

Someone like you doesn't look like a supreme ruler ! I'm better suited than you

Kino : Uwah, he said it

Shu : That guy...

Reiji : So you were indeed aiming for the supreme ruler's throne... You finally show your true colors

Yuma : Hah... Say whatever you want. As I said, there's nothing you can do !

*Yuma runs away

Reiji : Wait !

Shu, Kino ! Capture Yuma ! I will also follow behind !

Kino : Okaaaay !

Shu : … That idiot... !

*Shu and Kino runs after Yuma

Reiji : Becoming the supreme ruler is my only meaning... As the eldest son, I must fulfill my mission for everyone

Did you want to obstruct me to the point of becoming my enemy ? Yuma...

Scene change : Scarlet mansion – Garden

Reiji : Did you catch him ?

Shu : No, not yet. But I know he went that direction

Kino : He's too dumb to just run at a place where we have a fine view. He will end up getting caught quickly !

*Reiji, Shu and Kino run

Yuma : Hah... You guys are the dumb ones. Didn't you think I was just hiding among the thick leaves ?

Hey, are you alright ?

Yui : Yes. It seems our strategy went well

Yuma : Yeah. Just as I thought, those guy go out of the mansion if I stir them up

They ran in the wrong direction and won't come back for a while

Yui : It's thanks to the vegetables you grew with love

(They normally wouldn't think someone would hide in such a place)

We have to use this chance to release all the prisoners...

Yuma : Yeah, let's go !

Scene change : Dungeon

Yuma : Guys, are you alright !?

Azusa : Yuma... ?

Kou : Eh ? What ? What on earth is happening ?

Shin : I thought it was kind of noisy... Is there an internal conflict among you and your brothers ?

You're being noisy running around wildly. You think I would forgive you for disturbing my sleep ?

Yuma : Don't go and relax when you're a captive !

Shin : Even if you tell me that, I have nothing else to do

Yuma : Damn it, I desperately came all the way here, and yet... !

Yui : Yuma-kun, calm down now !

Yuma : Yeah, right. We'll talk later anyway ! I'll get you out of jail right now !

Kou : Haa !? Are you out of your mind ?

Azusa : … If you let us out... will you be okay, Yuma... san ?

Yuma : I'll be fine ! Wait a second ! Hey, the key--

Ruki : There's no way I can trust any of your words

Yuma : … ! Ruki...

Ruki : You have no reason to help us, whose you have hostile relations with. What's the catch ?

Are you going to kill us when we go out, or use us for something else... ?

Yui : Don't say that !

Yuma : Ruki... We have no time for that. Do me a favor and trust me !

Ruki : Don't have me say it multiple times. It's impossible for me to trust you, the Scarlets

Yuma : … !

Yui : (It's the same with Reiji-san...)

(Reiji-san and Ruki-kun are smart. So they think with logic)

(He believes his memories and knowledge are absolute... He doesn't notice his doubts and conflicts in his mind)

(But...)

Yuma : Shit... For fuck's sake...

Yui : (I'm sure Yuma-kun's feelings will reach Ruki-kun...!)

Yuma : … Remember me, Ruki. Why don't you get it ?

Ruki : … What ?

Yuma : We have always lived together, right !? Don't tell me you forgot that !

No matter what happened and how difficult it was for me, I came this far because you guys were here !

And that should be the same to you !

Ruki : … I don't remember it

Yuma : Then I'll make you remember. Even if we don't share the same blood... we're brothers !!

Kou : Brothers... ?

Azusa : …

Yui : (Ruki-kun, please...!)

Ruki : Is that all you wanted to yell ?

Yuma : … !

Yui : (It's no use... ? He can't reach Ruki-kun ? No way...)

Ruki : This pointless talk is over. You can't gain my sympathy

If you finished your business, get out of here

Yuma : Then... I'll tell you one last thing. No matter if you forgot me or deny me...

You're my big brother

Ruki : … !

Yuma : When we ate together, you always bothered me with my bad manners. 'Cause I'm ill-bred

I appreciated it because it was necessarry to me, who had nothing good other than his massive figure

Ruki : Wait, what are you talking about... ?

Yuma : I always relied too much on you 'cause I couldn't use my head. I made it even very tough to you

Ruki... Thanks... for everything until now

Ruki : … What are you... ?

Azusa : Yuma... san ? What's wrong... ?

Yui : (He can't get anyone out of jail. Don't tell me... Yuma-kun...!)

Are you going to stop Reiji-san and the others !?

Yuma : Yeah. Since it's no use, I have to do something about them

I'm not gonna sneak into the mansion many times. I have to do it

Yui : But... !

*footsteps approaching

Reiji : … You have been acting on your own for quite some time

Reiji : You tried to do well... but you can't deny having a poor endgame

Yui : Reiji-san, Shu-san and Kino-san... !

Yuma : Shit... They're too early !

Kino : Reiji realised your trick and we headed back immediately

Well, you did your best in your own way, aren't you, Yuma ? You outwitted us one time

But... You have nowhere to run now

Shu : You have to go past us to go outside. It was a mistake to come in the dungeon

Yuma : Guh...

Kou : Errr... What's going on here ?

Azusa : … There's a conflict in this family... between Yuma-san and his brothers...

Ruki : …

Yuma : Reiji...

Reiji : … I'm afraid to say... this is over, Yuma

Chapter 13 : End

[shirtlesssammy]

1x16: Shadow

Previously on Supernatural:

Sam and Dean are hard at work looking for their dad.

Now:

Down an empty city street, a lone woman walks into a dark, foggy alley. A sudden wind storm sweeps through the area and shadows dance across building walls. The woman starts running (and like, seriously, I don’t care how late at night this is, there’s no one else around??) and makes it back to her apartment, sets the alarm and locks the door. Whew, she’s safe, or at least that’s what the music is telling me. She then plays messages on her ANSWERING MACHINE. Lol, sometimes I laugh at how old this show is. 

Anyway, a shadow creeps along the wall and SPLAT, we have a cold open victim after all. 

One Week Later

Sam and Dean, professional cosplayers, are dressed as alarm system employees today. Dean is a tad incredulous they have to play dress-up (but secretly LOVES it, let’s admit it.) 

He ribs Sam a little bit about a play he did in high school (Dean’s such a supportive brother to go watch that. Poor Sam can’t act himself out of an alternate universe where he IS an actor.) They enter the victim’s apartment. The landlord tells them their company sucks. The windows were locked, the door was bolted, and the alarm system was still on. Hmm. Everything was in order, but Meredith. She was in pieces all over the floor. 

The brothers start looking around the apartment. Dean previously spoke with the police (and ofc he’d hit it off with a Sagittarius) and reveals that the victim was missing her heart. They speculate about what they’re dealing with until Dean sees a pattern in the blood splatter on the floor (My sweet, smart son). He starts laying tape to form the pattern. It forms a symbol that neither brother recognizes.  

Later, at a bar, Dean is busy talking up the bartender when Sam wanders in with notes from the case. Dean checks in, and normally at this stage in the game I am eye-rolling hard at overcompensating Dean, but he is SO proud about getting the bartender’s number. (Like, why Dean? You’re an A+ charmer and you look like Jensen Ackles.) 

Honestly, though, Dean was doing the job. He gathered a heck of a lot of info on Meredith. They have another victim but there doesn’t appear to be a connection, except with how they died. 

Suddenly, Sam takes off. He finds his old travel buddy, Meg. WHAT A CRAZY COINCIDENCE. (Also, <insert old WB joke here>)  She yells at Dean for making Sam do things he doesn’t want to do. Look at Dean’s face when he looks at Sam! Guh. Then he pulls the classic Dean move and makes light of the comment and walks away to get a beer. AND then he looks back at Sam again as he’s walking away. This gives Sam and Meg some time to talk and Sam gets her digits. 

Later, when Sam and Dean are leaving the bar, Dean asks about Meg. Sam doesn’t really know her and finds it weird to have run into her again. Dean wants to know more about the shit talk Sam was spreading about him but Sam is trying to talk about how weird it is to run into Meg again. He tasks Dean with learning more about Meg Masters and the symbol at the victim’s apartment. Sam is going to watch Meg, and Dean finds this infinitely funny. 

Later, Dean calls Sam, who’s outside Meg’s apartment, to tell him that she checks out. He encourages Sam to ask her out. And at the end of the day, I can’t help but love Dean’s way of helping Sam. Maybe it’s not the most understanding but he really wants to help Sam move on and heal. Anyway, he also learned about the symbol. It’s a Zoroastrian demon sigil. Sam wonders how Dean learned all this, and Dean makes it clear that HE READS TOO. 

For Science:

But Dean realizes that he’s not performing enough and tells Sam that he asked a friend of John’s. All the same, Dean says that from the info he (NOT CALEB) gathered, the demon has to be summoned and that means someone is controlling it. Anyway, Dean gets gross and Sam hangs up on him. Then Sam gets gross and watches Meg change through her window. 

Meg leaves her apartment and Sam follows her to an old warehouse. Once inside, he finds that she’s set up a nice little summoning altar. She talks to someone/thing in a chalice. She’ll await their arrival. 

Sam sneaks out of the elevator shaft he was hiding in. He sees the altar and is literally like, “What the hell?”

“Dude, I gotta talk to you,” is how these two giant nerds simultaneously greet each other back at the hotel.

Sam fills Dean in on Meg. She’s the one who’s been summoning the daeva. Dean reveals his own new intel. His police contact got him the victims’ files: they’re both originally from Lawrence, Kansas. Dean calls their dad and tells them they might be close to the thing that killed their mom. (“That’s where everything started.” Crying noise. Crying noise.) Before they head out to the warehouse, Sam dumps a big bag of weapons on the bed.

Sam is like me packing for a trip at 2 a.m. Uh, idk, maybe I’ll need this? Better pack it just in case. Holy water, ritual books, and just about every weapon he can think of. “I’m not sure what to expect, so I guess we should just expect everything?” I feel you, Sammy.

Then the boys talk about how NOT nervous they are - how totally chill they feel about possibly confronting the thing that killed their mom. If they succeed, Sam would go back to school. Dean, though? He’s in the life for good. “There’s always gonna be somethin’ to hunt.” Sam asks Dean if there’s anything he wants for himself (crying intensifies) and Dean bursts out that he doesn’t want Sam to bail on him again. “You and me and dad. I want us to be together again.” Oh, Dean Bean. 

On that fun note, let’s go kick some ass! Sam and Dean climb back up the warehouse elevator shaft. Meg stands on one side of the room facing a wall and muttering incantations (as one does). They creep into the room while she chants and take up defensive positions. Without even turning around, she calls them out. “Hiding’s a bit childish, don’t you think?” (Meg, the proper word to tell them to stop hiding is olly-olly-oxen-free.) She tells them that she was waiting for them. It WAS a trap! She commands the daeva to attack.

The daeva slices the hell out of Sam’s face and hurls the boys across the room, knocking them out. They wake up a little while later, trussed up to beams. 

Sam tries to unravel why Meg targeted the two victims. It turns out their deaths were meaningless; killing people from Lawrence was simply bait for her Winchester trap. Dean tries to cut through the villain monologue and find out why they’re still alive, but Meg tells him that the trap she set isn’t for them…it’s for their dad. “He has one weakness,” Meg says. “He lets his guard down around his boys. Lets his emotions cloud his judgment.” BOOM. Cue the feelings.

Meg lets her snarky demon flag fly around Sam. She taunts him about watching her, wanting her. Meg starts to kiss Sam (gross gross yuck gross) until she hears a snick of a blade as Dean tries to break free. She tosses away Dean’s knife and goes back to Sam, who head butts her, revealing his own released hands. 

On Dean’s direction, Sam topples the altar, freeing the daeva. The daeva goes after Meg, dragging her to the window and tossing her to the ground below.

Back at their hotel, they open the door to find a mysterious shadow. It’s their dad! It’s Hugchester time.

Dean apologizes for not spotting the trap and John tells them that a) he knew it was a trap so no worries and b) he was in town as well. HEY John, thanks for warning your kids. John reveals that he’s working on a way to kill the yellow-eyed demon for good. But he’s (tosses hair back dramatically) got to do it ALONE.

It’s Hugchester time AGAIN, when suddenly John gets hurled across the room. The daeva’s back in Daeva’s Revenge: Part Two: The Wreckoning. The daeva proceeds to wreck the hotel room, and toss Dean and Sam around as well. Outside, Meg approaches with a daeva sigil necklace. It’s looking bad for our heroes, when Sam lights a flare to chase away the shadows (including the daeva). 

They all stumble from the room, bruised and bloodied, and make their way to the Impala.

They’re about to head out together when Dean tells them that John can’t go with them. Meg was right - John’s vulnerable when he’s around his sons. Sam begs John not to leave but John’s already got both feet out the proverbial door. They give each other the worst sort of goodbye hug - a manly pat on the shoulder, and then John takes off in his truck. 

Meg watches them leave town. It’s not over, boys. Not by a long shot.

________________________________

Only the Shadow Quotes:

You think credit card fraud is easy? 

I came, I saw, I conquered. Oh, and I met what’s-his-name, something Michael Murray at a bar.

Maybe you’re thinkin’ a little too much with your upstairs brain, huh?

What’s the significance of Lawrence? 

What if this whole thing was over tonight? Man, I’d sleep for a month. Go back to school—be a person again.

Things will never be the way they were before.

Dad’s vulnerable when he’s with us. He’s stronger without us around.

Alright, you little pervert

You don’t have the corner on paper chasing around here.

________________________________

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[bladekindeyewear]

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 12 - Candy Page 18

==>

Time to see what all the fuss was about Page 18.  We’re with Jane... that might not be good.  Especially given Lollipop proximity.

Jane scoffing at troll genocide again.  :(

Gamzee seems more woke than Jane here.

GAMZEE: sO yOu SaYiN yOu NeEd DiFfErEnT sHoEs FoR yOuR hUmAn DiCkS aNd WhAt NoT?

Pfffff

Jane narrows her eyes at the disingenuous buffoon.

I dunno, he sounds like he’s being pretty goddamn ingenuous right now.

It’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation?  Are they black with each other or something??

What’s more likely is he’s attempting to get a rise from her. To get her a little hotter under the collar. To put her in a certain mood.

Oh my gosh she’s genuinely black for him, hahahahah

GAMZEE: AnD AlL I EvEr bEeN TrYiN To dO Is gEt yOu rIgHt tOo, WiTh mOrAlS AnD GoOdNeSs, AlL fIlLeD uP iNsIdE yOu As TiGhT aS yOuR tAsTy HoE bAlLoOnS aRe WiTh HuMaN mOo JuIcE.

Jesus christ that’s not the kind of metaphor i want to be hearing from canon

or anyone for that matter

JANE: No! I’d rather die than touch your disgusting clown baton ever again.

....yyyeah, context is showing she’s PROBABLY super Black into this.  Still, pretty jarring to see a clear consensual “NO” right in the middle of things.

Quit calling her a dairy queen!!! D: D: D:

Oh god they named the baby Tavros.

Alright, there’s some grade A discomfort in this scene, which I’m enjoying, really.  I can see why they singled out page 18.  I could traumatize some people with some of these paragraphs out of context.

HOO HOO HOO, THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO THE DARK CARNIVAL!!!

Eeeeuugh

JAKE: Anyway whats up with you? Hows life with davekat going? JADE: oh its great! im really glad i just went for it JADE: all of us together... it really is the best of every world

God damnit Jade why are you obliviously torturing them????????

You could’ve been REALLY GOOD for them both if you just FUCKING LISTENED TO THEM AND RESPECTED THEM INSTEAD OF SITTING ON THEM.

JADE: theres no way me and dave could have a regular baby together because im... JAKE: Whats wrong? JADE: well lets just say that after all the sburb stuff its done some things to my body JADE: like merging with bec mostly

Oh my FUCKING GOD please don’t canonize this.  This didn’t need to be spelled out so-- D:

jesus

D: D: D:

This... is actually making my stomach roil again????

like

not because id object to-- i mean, it’s one thing to deal with

FAN SCENARIOS

ISOLATED divergences from canon where she has to deal with that and its kind of hilarious, but can be safely ignored when it comes to her character arc as a whole

but once its CANON????????   D: D: D:

suddenly you can’t IGNORE the full import when you’re done with, like, an RP or something, of the psychological struggle she would be forced to deal with given an abnormal biological situation.  Instead of thinking “Oh, that could be pretty painful to deal with! Let’s explore it temporarily for fun” it becomes “Oh, that would be painful to deal with and you have to think about her having to deal with all the complications of that whenever you hear about her LITERALLY FOREVER.”  D:

andrew i know you couldnt resist because of how funny and practically-xenoprogressive it was but whyyyyyyyyy did you have to canonize that WHYYYY

Now instead of a fun joke thought it also has to be SAD FOREVER

AAAAAAAA  D’:

i dont know why this would be the line thats crossed to upset me

Rose surrogate?

JADE: no jake, dave wouldnt be the father in this scenario!

Pffffff.  Andrew’s just diving RIGHT into the, er, doggy fanfics here.  I should... TRY to lighten up about this.  Try.  D:

(...wait, shit.  Knowing my friend, THIS whole bit is why they alluded to this page.  God damnit.)

[[ EDIT:  askshenhibiki said:

Now that you read Candy 18, flash back to Meat when Roxy is talking about gender... and look at Jade's reaction looking at "where her hands rest on her lap". Yes, Meat hinted at that "mix" too.

Ah, let’s see...

ROXY: and so i got to thinking ROXY: what even is gender ROXY: amirite lol? JADE: oh yeah JADE: that makes sense i guess........

Jade looks at where her hands are folded in her lap. Bites her lip. She has her own concerns about this, her own thoughts. Reasonable thoughts, I’d say. But I’ll refrain from any further comment. I’m staying away from this subject, from now on.

...yeah, guess Dirk at least had the decency not to spring all that on us before Jade got the opportunity to do it honestly. ]]

Guh, back to Jake suffering in his sad, trapped scenario.  I hope THAT gets at least resolved by the end of this.  Someone save Jake from this, because it looks like he’s not really that capable of saving himself?

==>

Dammit, Jade, I’m cringing at these descriptions of your intrusion.

Oh wow, John went for the mustache.  Guess we knew that from, like, his stuffed statue oldself?

Jade doesn’t pick up on the obvious subtext in the conversation, however, because she’s been willfully undermining the subtext in her own personal life for nearly a year now.

D:  D:  D:

Seriously, Jade, how is what YOU’RE doing any better than what you were frustrated at seeing THEM doing, avoiding the real feelings and truth of anything even if it was conspicuously on body-language display?

KARKAT: THE NEW ADMINISTRATION IS CRACKING DOWN ON CERTAIN KINDS OF INTERSPECIES ADOPTION LAWS.

It’s like Andrew wants us deprived of even a happy imagined future for Earth C on top of everything else!!!  What the hell! >:(

Is this about politics?  Is Andrew just venting his anger that the Orange Guy is going to get away with ruining everything forever??  Because as understandable as that is, he could at least give us some imaginary happyfutures to look forward to.

Reading on... Hm, yet another intentionally-misused fridging reference.

KARKAT: HIS RELATIONSHIP IS A FLAMING WRECK OF AN INTERSTELLAR WARSHIP HURTLING TOWARDS THE PLANET AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH THE ENTIRE CREW BRUTALLY SLAUGHTERED UPON REENTRY, SHOVED STRAIGHT DOWN THE CHAGRIN TUNNEL AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SHAT OUT THE OTHER SIDE, THUS FLOODING THE ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN IT CLOGS UP THE LOAD GAPER.

Yep, that triangle’s fucked.  Wonder if the conversation’s going to transition to the CURRENT triangle’s problems...

...yeah, John using the R word there isn’t far from the fucking truth from the looks of things.

JADE: maybe that would work for a few days, but one thing i learned from dating around a lot in my youth is that no ones going to leave a bad relationship until its THEIR idea to leave

She takes in a shaky breath and shuts her eyes. Her hair spills around her face when she leans forward to put her chin on her knees. Dave and Karkat exchange a look that is equal parts confused, miserable, and desperate.

Oh SHIT.  Is JADE going to be the one to finally vocalize about the problems here???

Something else comes hurtling out of the hole in the sky, too fast for Jade to catch. It hits the ground with a clap of green lightning. The collision sends a geyser of dirt, rock, and vapor into the air. Dave flash-steps to shield Karkat. Jade doesn’t move, taking the brunt of the explosion face on, using her abilities to warp the energy around her so that she’s a mote at the center of the storm. When the dust clears, she’s the first to jump in the crater, trailing smoke behind her.

There’s a body at the center of it. The torso is bloody, tangled, and curled into a fetal position. Its shoes are missing, but otherwise the outfit is quite familiar to her: it’s a dead ringer for her old Witch of Space uniform. Jade touches the body with the toe of her shoe, and then gasps when it rolls over to reveal its face.

JADE: its... JADE: ME???

Okay what the FUCK.  It sounds like there’s going to be some context for that postscript after all.  Something to bridge the gap between when that 16-yo Jade falls into the singularity and when Aradia goes off with her through a wormhole

I’m going to guess up front that this happens BEFORE the postscript... this younger version of Jade fell into the black hole and came out in THIS alternate timeline, possibly rather changed by the experience.  But then again, the way the sky opened up... actually, couldn’t that be just a “natural” manifestation of the black hole abilities encouraged by Calliope or done by the singularity alone, followed by later in the Postscript this Jade actually getting control of it??

And... reading on, from the sound of it, her eyes aren’t black yet, either.  Sounds like that’s to come, before the postscript.  Question being, is it alt!Callie black eyes, or some black-hole-powers visual manifestation?  Wait, never mind, I misread; this teenage Jade-corpse has NOT opened their eyes yet, so they couldn’t possibly tell, and the stuff about them “shaking” was about the adult Jade standing over her.  Never mind.  Let’s see which timeframe this Jade came from.

Also STOP TRAUMATIZING ADULT JADE ON SCREEN ITS NOT OKAY IM SICK OF IT ANDREW

==>

Page 20...

Stop letting babby not!Vriska bully babby not!Tavros.

Hm... same stupid tooth poison?  No, Jade didn’t get hit with a tooth... so it’s more getting hit with shards of spacetime and spiraling down a black hole.  Also whatever alt!Callie did to just barely keep her alive.

Hm, so the Heart stuff falls apart if you’re too separated from the mass-whole at Light’s center?  That’s certainly a hypothesis at least.

ROXY: sounds like its time for another funeral lmao

ROXY WAKE THE FUCK UP AND STOP BEING A VAGUELY ROXY-LOOKING LMAO-ZOMBIE.  WHERE THE FUCK DID REAL ROXY GO.

And where the fuck is Calliope anyway, she’s just being left in the dust and nobody’s even talked to her from the looks of it.

Hm, cut apart by political differences, this group...?

ROXY: woah ok karkat i get ur all fired up about politics and stuff but lay off gamz ok

ROXY WHO REPLACED YOUR FUCKING BRAIN WITH A BLOCK OF CHEESE

ROXY YOU’RE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER PLEASE GIVE US AN EXPLANATION FOR WHY YOU’RE ACTING NOTHING LIKE THE COOL SMART PERSON WE READ ABOUT.

JADE: dave what the FUCK did you say to him downstairs?

Oh my god you asshole don’t blame DAVE for this >:(

ROXY: this time next week well corpse party like its the end of the world!

I don’t want to think this has anything to do with Aradia, but we DID see her in that postscript bit...  And, I mean, what the hell could she even do??  It’s not like this Roxy is just Aradia in really convincing cosplay or something.

==>

She leads John and Jake into the building and down the center of the nave, humming happily to herself the entire time. An equally effusive Calliope trails behind her, carrying a bouquet of purple flowers.

Well there’s Callie. What is WITH these hypnotized motherfuckers.  I need a revelation on these shenanigans STAT.

What is with people being bathed in light here?

each time we witness death, we fall in love in with the important people in oUr lives all over again.

Calliope is gazing at Roxy with glassy eyes. She sniffs as she plucks the last petal from her rose. A breeze washes through the cathedral from the crack in the door at the end of the room, brushing the petal off-course and causing it to get stuck in Roxy’s over-sprayed hair. Calliope reaches out with a visibly shaking hand to remove the plant offal, but she does not draw back. Instead, she lets her hand graze down the side of Roxy’s face and cup her cheek. Roxy puts her own hand over Callie’s and holds it.

Uhhh.... huh.

So.

If Roxy was just lying to herself, then............ WHY??????

John tilts his head and squints at the image in front of him. Hmm.

Is John realizing he’s in some sort of fanfic drawn by another character, hence all the people in serene lightbeams at tender but unjustified moments?

Everyone whips their heads around to see, of all people, Aradia hovering in the foyer

Pff

(...I hope Aradia didn’t come here, like, from the postscript.  Where the “action” she talked about might have just been this corpse party.  Because that would be pretty fucking lame.)

KARKAT: MAYBE FUCKING NEPETA IS ABOUT TO POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTESQUE STATUE OF THE HUMAN SUFFERER T-POSING OVER THERE.

Pfffffffffff

The description of Human Jesus we all had in our hearts, but were too afraid to voice.

Alright, now we see the body we took our eyes off of.  Is it going to get back up, or did it escape earlier?

since nobody was willing to dislodge the huge, otherworldly shard from her chest

My damn god, people.

...alright finally, everyone’s talking.

JANE: Agreed. I’ve always felt that Kanaya has done an exemplary job of providing a model for compassionate, empathetic behavior, which others of her kind would do well to follow.

JANE STOP BEING A XENOPHOBIC BASTARD

CALLIOPE: please. roxy gathered yoU all here for a reason. CALLIOPE: at least listen Until the end. CALLIOPE: after that yoU can argUe all you want.

...Huh.  Huuuuhh.  What the fuck is all this for.  Are you saying ROXY caused this? Or...?

Okay I like this reinforcement she’s making in her speech about how different changes can influence how all of this unfolds, gives me hope that maybe these two cliffhangers aren’t all we’re going to be left with and we’ll be able to at least think of an IMPLIED future different from them if we wanted to like we thought about the seemingly-infinite-possibility original ending of Homestuck that I’d rather have been stuck with than this oh god breathe boots

okay there’s the labor going into good distraction

alright corpse get back up

JADE: i am not jade.

Right, so like the black eyes in the postscript suggested this is more just a... vessel for alt!Calliope now?  To give HER a future beyond the one she sacrificed for that black hole business?  And between alt!Callie’s became-the-black-hole nature and Jade’s Spacey Green Sun connection that’s been singularified, she has access to cool Black Hole powers?  And is gonna do cool shit with them in implied future adventures we won’t see while Aradia gleefully watches the carnage?  Huh.

The congregation watches her go, but no one moves to help her, or even looks in her direction. In her wake, she leaves a primal, echoing wail.

Oh my god why wouldn’t they have just a brief discussion or something IT’S NOT THAT BAD  D:

JADE: and while i cannot say the same thing for the rest of you, JADE: i, at least, am exactly where i am meant to be.

Well fuck.  So she just disconfirmed this timeline as... something.  Relevant, possible, I dunno.

JADE: and i have entered this body to protect your world.

Okay that’s good.  So thanks to alt!Calliope these side timelines where things unfolded differently MAY be preserved.  Pretty fitting given alt!Callie’s origins.

.......unless there’s some other stupid interspecies civil war threat that she’s going to be fighting too, here, when the political situation falls apart.  Dammit.

==>

Terezi talk Terezi talk

-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PYROPE the photo “ghostrain.jpg” --

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 4CTU4L FUCK JOHN: it started a few days ago. the sky above the capital of the troll kingdom just cracked open and ghosts began raining down everywhere.

Oh my GOD.  So alt!Callie kind of “saved” all the doomed ghosts that got swallowed up in the black hole by redirecting them all to THIS UNIVERSE and timeline???????

That’s pretty interesting!  Heck my stomach’s even calming down!

they can’t even be judges! TEREZI: G4SP

Yeah that’s pretty terrible!

...yep, the resistance WOULD put him in charge.  I had a feeling it may have ended up in that direction in Candy since it wasn’t in Meat.

--oh FUCK YOU Jade for splitting up what he had with Karkat before they could sort it out!!! You did the OPPOSITE OF HELP and neither of them are going to end up happy thanks to you! D:<

PFFF wow, John’s so concerned about babby not!Tavros’s living situation that he’s considering legit kidnapping.  That means things must be pretty fucking bad.

--okay Calliope’s still out and about with Roxy instead of being cooped up in her room like in the other timeline, that’s good.

Pff, trying to redeem Ghost Eridan in front of Ghost Feferi.  Yep, that’s Gamzee.

GAMZEE: fIrSt, A LiTtLe RiGhTeOuS sPlAsH oF tHe NaNnA nEcTaR tO cLeAnSe ThAt DaNkNeSs FrOm YoUr SoUlS...

Gamzee takes out a baby bottle and flicks it, covering them both with little drops of milk, as clergy does with holy water. He then takes a swig from the bottle himself before returning it to his codpiece.

Jesus.  Fucking.  Christ.

I don’t want to believe that what’s in that bottle is what he’s making it sound like it is, but OF COURSE it is.  Why would it be anything else.  I bet there’s not even any Lifey hypnosis going on, it’s just the literal stuff.

The crowd falls silent as they raise their heads to watch a drone ship pass by overhead.

Jegus fuck stop going whole hog condesce janey

ROXY: lmao you worry too much ROXY: janeys got her head on straight shell show you yet

ROXY.  WHERE DID YOUR BRAIN GO.  I MISS IT.  YOUR BRAIN WAS THE BEST FUCKING PART OF YOU.

Touching photo.

Alright lemme post split.  I haven’t gotten as far as the last post plowed through since I’ve been typing so much... ah well.

[shutterbug-12]

Succession S2E3 Thoughts

I...am sickened. And that made me hurt. Lots more under the cut. 

Overall: 

Well. That was terrible and horrifying and heart-wrenching. Obviously, Boar on the Floor was...just...the most awful thing that’s ever happened in this show. In a lot of shows, actually. It was humiliation porn, and it was sickening. It was in no way funny. And I wish Tom and Greg would run far, far away from this terrible family, but...I can’t realistically see that happening. The only redeeming thing about this episode was (aside from Connor’s continued absurdity) Tom’s decision to protect Greg, showing that, despite wanting some prestige and status for himself, he doesn’t want it that badly and that he is still different from...this fucked up family. That he has a god damn heart in there. The two of them at breakfast the next day, guh. *hugs them* I really think this bonded them more than they already were. And I kind of do want them to just...run away and open a California Pizza Kitchen. And be loved and safe. 

And, after Shiv’s continued horrible behavior towards Tom (the world, really, but especially Tom), I wish Tom would leave her, but...he won’t. It goes without saying that Logan acted in a disgusting way--beyond disgusting--but so did Shiv, as she always has; we’re just seeing it more out in the open now, more obvious. Everything she does is calculated and deliberate. And everything she does is selfish. What she pushed Tom to do was both of those things--she wanted to insulate herself from having to tell Logan what she thought of the acquisition and position herself advantageously in his mind, and she didn’t give a shit about what it might do to Tom. I can’t even get into how I feel about all this open marriage bullshit. Look, I know polyamorous relationships can and do work, but this is in no way working and in no way healthy, for them, especially for Tom. And my heart just...broke for him at the end. Just...into a million little pieces. I realize that Tom has never fully come out and told Shiv that he is absolutely not okay with this, but if she didn’t see it in his face and hear it in his voice, then she...is either more callous than I even thought or positively oblivious. But, as Shiv has said herself, the essence of a person can’t and won’t change, so I don’t see her somehow experiencing some grand revelation and changing her behavior in this relationship. I am totally mystified at how Sarah Snook (who is great, absolutely) insists that Shiv loves Tom. Completely baffled, because I continue to see...no love there, from her. I see that he loves her. I do not see that she loves him. So...color me interested to see how she changes, I guess? But right now, at this moment, I’d like to push Shiv off the top of the Empire State Building. 

And I want to surround Tom with as much love and affection as possible. Oh, speaking of Tom--I’m not sure how much more shit he can take, really. I’m worried about him. I wouldn’t be surprised if next episode includes the water bottle throwing, because, even though I think he and Greg are more bonded than ever, I think Tom has quite a bit of misplaced anger to get rid of, and I think he might hurl it in Greg’s direction. 

Kendall: I am disappointed in him. He is still a lifeless zombie, and I need awesome Kendall back. The savvy businessman with a heart. I want him back. 

Roman: I admit that I felt a tiny bit of sympathy when we really got to see the little insecure child that he really is. 

Connor: please keep being stupid, I love you. 

As I watched: 

I'm a time-pressed executive. Oh, Greg. Trying to speak so clearly, and use big words. And yet...you're failing to mention any of this is off the record. You said all the words but the most important ones. Oh, there they are. Said 'em too late. 

Who's dying? Well, Logan doesn't care, whoever it is. 

This Logan sidekick adviser guy was a Nazi in a movie, wasn't he? I swear, he was. I just can’t think of which one. 

Wow, a real meeting to executives. 

"French kissing an armadillo." A+ for that, dude. 

No, Gerri does not like this. And she's a smart lady. I'd listen to her. 

I love how Tom is trying to absorb all this Logan-and-business-related information, but...is clearly struggling to keep up. I also like that he's clearly not comfortable there. He even sat himself at the far corner of the giant table, next to no one. At least you're pretty, Tom. 

A morale booster. Uh huh. 

Oh my dear God, Connor. The ideas primary. He is nutso. So nutso. And I think Roman is serious about 1% of the time, but I totally believe him when he says Connor only knows about jail from Monopoly. 

Ha, Tabitha! You've just fucked all of NY's elite, haven't you? And Tom. Sort of. 

A big angry puffer fish bristling with dick. Bwhahaha. No, Tom, you're right, I would stay far away from whatever that is. 

You know what, Shiv? I know you're really pissed off because you weren't invited to the corporate retreat when you're...you know, not yet part of the family business, which was...your own damn choice, but don't ask Tom to do that. You know what's going to happen. 

Tom, come on. Hold your ground, maybe? 

Your meat puppet? Wow. Oh, don't try to walk it back. You're not joking. You know how I know? Because it was mean. Not funny. Okay, well, at least you can admit you weren't joking, Shiv. 

Greg, bless you. A very white, very wealthy band. U2! Ahahaha! 

Historically speaking, when I'm betrayed, it's usually you. Okay, that was kind of funny. 

No, no, no, bad time Tom. Don't talk to him now. Don't talk to him at all. Don't do it. 

WONDER WOMAN! IT WAS WONDER WOMAN. That sidekick dude was the Nazi dude or whatever evil power he represented in Wonder Woman. Ha. I remembered. 

Sam looks like a douche. Cool hair, bro. 

Was Greg in the front craning for a look around? OMG, he was. Eheheh. He's taking pictures, I love him. 

Tom in a sporty down vest. Love. 

It IS good to see Frank, actually! 

Connor's scenes have seriously become some of the most hilarious ones of the show. He is so incredibly absurd. Hyper-decanting, ahahahahahaha. I'm dying. 

I can't get over how Shiv can speak truths about other people, but be so, so hypocritical at the same time. 

Aww, Tom doesn't want to lose his buddy. A girl can start to wonder. Aw. On the friend level. Awwww! 

Ratfucker Sam! Yeah, he looks like a ratfucker. Is he nice? You're asking about the moral character of a man named Ratfucker Sam? That...is the funniest line in the show so far, OMG. 

Aw, that was a great scene, too. With Greg and Tom. Tom knows how vulnerable Greg just made himself. He knows the kind of damage he can do to Greg with this information. 

Kendall's hat! Can we talk about Kendall's hat?! 

Oh, man. Everyone is putting Tom up to be the sacrificial lamb. Oh, yikes. Poor Tom. Practically getting pushed now. Ugh, of course Gerri and Karl know Shiv asked Tom. *hugs Tom* 

Aw, Greg and Tom really are cut from the same cloth, aren't they? Tom's bizarre preamble "heads up" is almost exactly like Greg's "pre-meeting" with the author. Gaaaaah. I'm already cringing. Oh, poor, precious Tom. 

........ Just a guy who works for me? Shiv. ......fuck right the fuck off, you fuck. Also, did you take your rings off? Or is that guy just a blind moron? Don't let me down, soldier. Ugh. 

Logan, you trying to get us drunk? Taking a page out of Roman's playbook? Oh, damn. That hurt my heart. "Why don't you pipe down until you tell me I've got a grandson coming? Or are you shooting blanks?" That...man, that was even more painful for Tom than Logan intended, probably. 

This is...excruciating. 

Oooh, but what a great shot of Logan and Kendall. 

This is some nightmarish shit. This is so fucked up. I just...this is like...psychological torture. Way, way beyond bullying. This is humiliation porn, and I am a little bit sick over it, to be honest. 

Ugh, and now we get to see Shiv fuck another dude. Cool. Ah, she did take off her rings. And it is NOT simple, Shiv. It really isn't. 

Can I just...Tom needs to get all the hugs and love and ice cream ever. Just...all the cuddles. 

I think this is the strongest Tom has ever been...just...showing up to breakfast in the morning. I would have tried to become one with my bed and pretended to be dead until everyone else left. Someone please hug him. 

They need to hug Greg while they're at it. Just bear hug those two at their sad little humiliated breakfast table. At least Greg is saved. For now.

Awwww, Greg saying thanks. Tom touching him, aww. That was...nice. The only two decent hearts in the room, I swear. (For the record, Kendall, I still believe in you, but you've become a lifeless puppet, and I want you to come back, please.) A little cute, though, that Gerri is taking pity on man-child Roman. 

NOBODY KNOWS THE PRICE OF A GALLON OF MILK. I'm with Roman on this one. 

Tom, baby, just walk back out of the house and never come back. He doesn't even try to hide how he felt about that terrible...ness. Oh, god, and he's trying to stick up for himself just a little bit. SHIV, GET OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE WHILE HE'S TALKING, JUST ONCE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Okay, okay. Good. 

Also, Tom, it's not at all being a dick to want to have an equal say in a relationship. But, I hate to break it to you, I don't think Shiv is going to change any time soon. I just can’t see that happening. She even said so herself, that the essence of a person can’t change. 

Aaaaaand my heart just broke. Tom's little..."Oh. Maybe later." And he's so desperate for some kind of affection that he needs to hug her anyway. Guh. Just. Kill me now. That was agonizing. 

Yeah, that whole thing was agonizing.

[maddogofshimano]

Lee Wen Hai Character Story

Minor Y0 Spoilers

Alright it’s been a little bit but I was doing other nonsense like ripping all the substory text out of Y0. Anyways!

Sotenbori’s God Hand, Lee Wen Hai. I really love this dude. 

Summary: Lee is attempting to leave his life as a hitman behind for good, but a local organized crime group’s executive is asking him to do one more job. Things get messy, which is exactly what Lee was worried about.

<A few months after Makoto began working with Lee Wen Hai> Lee: Ya don't gotta push with much force. Just let your body weight handle it.

Makoto: Don't use force, use my body weight... umm, like this?

Lee: Nah, you're bein' too timid about it. Don't worry about hurtin' your old man none. (Tl note: I had to re-read this line a LOT but I’m like 90% sure Lee is just straight up calling himself her dad) Makoto: Y... Yes sir! Lee: ....Oh, that's gettin' a bit better. Now, your palm is one half of a conversation with the muscles. Makoto: There's a lot to massages, isn't there...! I'll study hard! Lee: Though, why do ya wanna do massages anyways? You're my guest, ya know it's fine if ya don't work, right? Makoto: You've done so much or me, I can't help but feel a little guilty... So I'd like to be helpful to you Lee-san, even if only a little. Lee: (After all the awful shit she's gone through, she's still a good kid...) Makoto: I've got a an older brother. He's really smart, and a hard worker so... I hope I can become more like him. Makoto: ....Lee-san, you remind me a little of my brother. Lee: Heh... So this brother, ya came over to Japan together? Makoto: No... when I was just a child, my brother disappeared... I haven't seen him since. Makoto: However, for some reason he showed up in Japan... Eventually, somewhere in Japan, I'm sure I'll meet him again. Lee: ...Alright. I'll help ya look for him too. It may not seem it, but I got some connections I can pull scattered all over. Makoto: Th-That's... I could never ask you to go that far... Lee: I'm your stand-in dad... nah, I'm standing in for your older brother. It may be corny, but you can rely on me for anythin'. (Tl note: the term Lee uses here is actually foster father, but it was hard to word well with the bit about her brother) Lee: So let's get lookin' for your real brother then.

Makoto: Lee-san... Lee: ...Huh? Y-You're cryin'!? I wasn't tryin' to make ya cry! Makoto: It's just... Since I came to Japan, I've never been treated this kindly... Lee: Geez, uh, I'm really no good when girls cry! I'm beggin ya, don't cry any more! Makoto: Okay... sorry... Lee: I was seriously... Organization Executive: Yo, am I interrupting? (Tl note: They’re pretty vague on things for a long time, but he’s part of the yakuza, so I’ll use appropriate terms so I don’t have to say “organization” over and over to stay generic) Makoto: Ah... welcome! Lee: ....Makoto, today's lesson is finished. How bout you head on home first. Makoto: Ah, yes sir. Thank you for today... Exec: That girl, seems like she can't see. Where'd you find her?

Lee: It's got nothin' to do with you. Why'd ya come here today anyways. If it's about a "job", you're barkin' up the wrong tree. I ain't in that business anymore. Exec: Haw? What do you mean? Lee: I mean exactly what I said. I ain't takin' "jobs" anymore. Exec: And would that possibly be... because of that girl? Lee: That ain't related. Either way, it doesn't change the fact that I've already decided that I ain't gonna do it! Exec: ...Well, you do have the freedom to go from a hitman to a civilian. In the end, however, you'll agree to take this contract. Exec: In the same way that blood and law are tied together, so too is our organization and its members. ...Still, your case is pretty straight forward. Lee: What do ya mean? Exec: You know too much of the underbelly of the organization. You know what that entails. Lee: .......... Exec: As a talented hitman, you could leisurely stroll around Sotenbori. Now that you're a civilian however..... Lee: The well informed acupuncturist will get erased, is what you're sayin'. Exec: That's it exactly. Lee: Heh, I already knew I was riskin' getting snuffed. Ain't the first threat of it, and it don't change how I feel. Exec: You're a stubborn bastard huh... Well, ultimately you'll help me with my job. Lee: What makes ya say that? Exec: Despite how I look, I'm an executive in the organization. I can talk to any of the higher ups directly. Exec: All I have to say is that this civilian's been meddling. Of course, I'd rather you just clean up this job. Lee: I've already decided I ain't killin' anymore. How many times do I gotta tell ya, I ain't takin' that job! Exec: It's fine if you don't kill. Really, I just want you to get a little violent. Lee: Huh....? <They head out> Exec: Inside this bar is a gang that I want you to knock around. Of course, it's fine if you don't kill them.

Lee: ...Is that really gonna be okay? Exec: Mhm, this job will be a cinch for you. ...Of course, I tried to tell you that. You just didn't want to listen. Lee: When it's a job from guys like you, it's never been simple... <he goes inside the bar> Lee: Pardon the intrusion.

Goon: Eh? Geezers ain't allowed in this bar. You can go drink cheap booze with your own family.

  Goon 2: We're renting the place out right now. Before you get scared shitless, don't you think it'd be a good idea to head on home? Lee: Heh... you brats sure have a mouth on ya. Too bad I went and grew a conscious before I could bury ya. Goon: What the hell did you say! You want us to throw you out on your ass!? <fight, Lee crushes them> Goon: G-Guh.....

Lee: What, it's already over? That gang was all bark and no bite. Exec: Finished? Lee: Yeah, they won't be standin' up any time soon. I stopped before it got to anythin' dangerous. Exec: As expected, you did everything exactly to the letter. It'll be quick to get them to cough up what I'm after. Exec: Oi! You two, do you know a man called Iwai? That asshole has something he was supposed to be watching. Goon 2: I-Iwai, it's been a long time since we've seen him..... Exec: Covering for him isn't going to be good for you! If you don't want to die, hurry up and spit it out! Goon 2: Honest! I'm serious, I don't know any more than that! Exec: Tch...... Hey, what do you think!? Is Iwai going to come here!? Goon: He won't...! He ran off to join some family and totally cut ties with us! Exec: ....Lee, these bastards, do you think they're lying? Lee: Hmm. Well, this group ain't exactly fearless. The whole crew is already pissin' their pants. Exec: Looks like they really are separate... <they head back outside> Lee: This job's done. Well, I'm headin' home.

Exec: No, the job isn't over yet. I know it's a bother, but I'll need you to stick with me a little while longer. Lee: Oi... you're changin' our deal. I just did your damn job! Exec: I told you this job was to tidy things up. That was supposed to clean things up, but the plan went off the rails. Lee: Piece of shit... Exec: Let's get going to our next destination then. Or would you rather I speak with my higher ups? Lee: That's different than what ya said earlier. You're a real weaselly guy. Exec: Let's say that you don't continue with this job, this world wouldn't speak kindly of that, right? Lee: You're gettin' ahead of yourself. Whackin' some chinpira is one thing, sniffin' after the Osaka yakuza will land ya in a world of hurt. Lee: Even if ya take me along as a body guard, there's nothin' stoppin' your business partner from pumpin' ya fulla lead. Lee: The jobs ya bring me are always this way. Without exception they're a pain in the ass that I get tangled up in. Exec: And yet you always get them done in the end, don't you? I'm going to buy that arm of yours once more. Exec: I'm begging you, Lee. Lend me your power one more time. Lee: ......I had just stopped stickin' my neck out like this and ya had to go and say stuff like that... Lee: I just gotta know somethin'. What is it that you're chasin' down? Exec: Our group's stolen cash... 200,000,000 yen. Lee: Hmm... that is a hefty sum. Exec: The amount doesn't matter to our organization, it's our pride that's been wounded. We absolutely must get that money back. Exec: If the money is returned via your cooperation, then my organization will no longer be able to touch you. Doesn't that sound like a good job? Lee: Keh, so that's your game. Awful patronizin' to say it that way. Lee: ....Eh, whatever. This is the last time I'll be workin' with ya. <END PART 1>

Exec: Ora! <punch>

Exec: Cough it up already, Iwai! <punch> Iwai: ......... Exec: There you have it. No matter how many times he's beaten he's not talking. Hmm... I guess these fists just aren't going to cut it. Exec: These guys that don't squeal, they really know how to take a hit. Well, no use beating on him for no reason. Lee: And this guy, he's the mastermind that ran off with your cash? Exec: Mhm, by the time I caught wind of it, he'd already hidden the money. Lee: What a lousy job. Exec: My kyoudai was preparing our payment to the government. To get him out of that jam, I have to keep looking. (Tl note: I’m assuming it’s a bribe, but I’m not actually sure! It might be a tributary payment up to the main branch but I can’t find much one way or the other on that) Lee: So you're coverin' for your kyoudai, huh. Exec: I agree that this job isn't worth it. But, for my kyoudai's sake, I'm going to keep searching for that cash. Exec: This guy's in a totally different league from that gang. No matter how much you torture him, he's not going to cough up the location. Lee: Hey, lemme have a go at squeezin’ it outta him. Exec: Sure, be my guest. I'm going to go ice my knuckles.

Lee: Well then... Iwai-san, let's get started. Nice to meet ya. Iwai: .............. <fade to black> Lee: Ya don't wanna know what kinda torture I got. Ya should talk fast. Iwai: ................. Lee: Do ya intend to stay quiet till ya croak? If that's your decision, ya gotta know you'll be tortured the whole time. Iwai: ............... Lee: If ya really ain't gonna talk, you've got some guts. Unfortunately no amount of guts or backbone is gonna get ya outta this. Iwai: .............. Lee: Eh, I get the picture. Well, let's get started. First off the nerves in your shoulder. Give ya a taste of the painful death you've settled on. Iwai: .............. Lee: (.....Hm?) Iwai: ...........? Lee: I couldn't recognize ya with how bad your face is swollen. You've been to Hogushi Kaikan before. I recognize the feel of this. Iwai: ............ Lee: Yeah, your shoulder was always real stiff. I'm rememberin' it now. ...Say, didn't ya always come by with a skinny lady? Iwai: ............. Lee: Ya both came in durin' the middle of the day smellin' like cheap soap. In the middle of the dry skin on her back, there's a bodhisattva inked in. Iwai: ............. Lee: Yeah, a soapland worker. Think I outta make her aware of this? Iwai: She's got nothing to do with this! Lee: Finally ya gave me somethin'. Though it wasn't very clear. Seems like that cash, well it must be hidin' in the same place as that soapland worker. Iwai: She really has nothing to do with this! Believe me! Lee: Seems I'll have to go hear that from her myself. Once I get there, I'll do some lookin' around. Iwai: I-I'm begging...! She... That woman, please forget about her! Lee: Man, you're a real fool. Not only did ya fall for a soapland worker, ya went and gave her all the family's cash too. Lee: And what, ya planned on stayin' silent till ya got beaten to death? Iwai: With all that money... she wouldn't have to work that job anymore... At least, that's what I thought... Lee: You really are a dang idiot... But, I'm the same kind of guy.

Iwai: Eh...? Lee: Hang tight. <Lee leaves> Exec: Oh? Did you get him to spill?

Lee: He said he left it at a soapland. Exec: Haw!? Of all the stupid shit. That bastard, does he think this is a game! Lee: Yeah, he probably does. Still, only one way to be sure. <Lee leaves> Barker: Sir, sir, would you like to spend some time playing today?

Lee: Yeah, I think I will. I think I'll pick a lady who's inked up with a bodhisattva.  Barker: Huh...? Lee: It's a pretty flashy tat. I'm sure ya know which shop she's in. Barker: Wh-What are you saying! Do you think I know every single soapland worker around here!? Lee: If that's the case I'll just have to search through 'em all myself. I might as well start with your shop and give it an examination. Barker: A-A weird customer is on his way over! Please, get the conflict resolution people! Yakuza: Hello, we're this area's "conflict resolution" people. Sir, I'm afraid you're making a bit of a scene.

Yakuza 2: If you're determined to play anyways, how about you play with us instead? Though, our play time might get a little rough for an old timer like you.   Lee: You got some soft 'n' green asses. I'll have to work 'em over a lil. (Tl note: Lee says their asses are green and mochi-like, and that he's going to 揉む them a little which is. uh. usually rub/massage. fellas the homoeroticism of this posturing is pretty intense) <they fight> Yakuza: Wh, some other family's messing with us! Someone, phone HQ for reinforcements....!

Lee: Aww, don't go kickin' up a fuss. We were just playin' around. Lee: I ain't gonna cause another racket on your turf. I'm just looking for a soapland lady who's got a bodhisattva tattoo. Yakuza: Bodhisattva tattoo... Lee: Seems like ya know her. Which shop? Yakuza: The discount shop on the first corner.... Her name is... Niru, I'm pretty sure.... Lee: Niru, huh. Thanks, that helps. <he goes> Lee: Pardon me.

Niru: Eh....?

Lee: So you're Niru-san, huh. This shop seems to be pretty empty. Niru: Who are you... you’re that massage shop's... You're... not a customer, are you. Lee: Hey, Iwai told me to come here for somethin'. Niru: ............. Lee: He gave ya somethin' to hold onto. He needs ya to hand it over to me. Niru: I-I don't know what you’re talking about... I'm not holding onto anything... Lee: Well that's a lie. Right now there's gonna be a mess of problems if ya don't hand it over. Niru: Problems... Lee: Do ya wanna end up fish food in the Sotenbori River? Niru: .....! Lee: That's the kinda thing you're dealin' with here. If ya understand that, just cooperate and hand it over. Niru: ......... <suitcase hits the ground> Niru: That person, he brought that suitcase and promised he'd be back to see me later... but, it's been more than two days since I've seen him... Lee: Did ya look inside it? Niru: No... Lee: That's good. See ya. <Lee leaves> Niru: Th-That man, what happened to him!? Is he okay!? Please! Don't kill that man! Exec: Ohh, you got it all back! What kind of torture did it take to get it!?

Lee: It took something much more painful than torture. Exec: Hehe, well, as long as the money's returned, it's all good! Though, was it really being held onto by a soapland worker.... Iwai: ......... Lee: I've got somethin' I need ya to do. Help this man out. Exec: Huh? After this guy took my family's cash? There's no way I can keep the blame off of him. Lee: I ain't askin’. Exec: Oy oy, what's all this about. Whether this jackass lives or dies, that doesn't really affect you does it? Lee: He made a promise to his girl. Exec: A promise....? Hahaha! Man, are you a weirdo or what!? Iwai: Ugh.... Lee: Huh...! Exec: Of course I'm going to kill him! And I'm going to kill that soapland worker too! And then... <pistol noise> Lee: Guh...! Exec: I'll kill you too. Lee Wen Hai. <END PART 2>

Lee: Guh... Exec: Hehehe... The professional killer Lee, putting another person's life above his own. Are you getting senile? Lee: Mother fucker! Exec: Uh oh, looks like you can't move. Must be from that hole through your stomach. Lee: You planned on killin' me from the start...! Exec: I'd heard you'd stopped taking jobs after you picked up that girl. It was pretty clear that you wanted to wash your hands of this business. Exec: That made this the perfect time to ask you to do this "job". Lee: ....... Exec: This cash really was stolen from my organization. But, it's not my kyoudai's cash. It was being prepared by an asshole I despise. Exec: That arrogant bastard came preaching to me about preparing his 100 million. I got so mad that I wanted to kill him. Exec: So that got me thinking. Who was stupid enough that I could tempt into stealing the payment? Lee: That idiot, he was... Exec: Mhm, and that man, he's the driver for that arrogant bastard. He's stupid and always having money trouble, so he was the ideal piece. Exec: I went to talk to him at his hideout with his crew. Exec: The suitcase I had with me had around 100 million yen in it, but I was being pretty careless. Lee: ................. Exec: And then of course that moron really went and took the money and fled. After that, I had to figure out what bait to use. Exec: He'd be captured wherever he was hiding. After he was disposed of, I'd use that money to gain favor in the family. Exec: That insufferable bastard would be disgraced... and everything would be perfect for me to advance. Exec: I didn't expect him to hand two hundred million yen over to that soapland worker... That guy, he's really a bigger idiot than I could have imagined. Lee: That's a shitty picture you've just painted. I did learn one thing from it... Exec: Ah, thank you. ...Well, that's enough of my bragging. Exec: I'll be sure to pass along the information about you. "He became a civilian and has run off somewhere" is what I'll say.

Lee: Ya really don't get it. It turns out, you're the one with no end game here. Exec: Oh...? Are you going to be a sore loser right at the end? Lee: Earlier, why didn't ya follow me when I went out? Exec: Nobody would believe that all that money had been entrusted to a soapland worker. But, with that in mind, how is my endgame a problem? Lee: When I was out I called your organization. Exec: Haw...!? Lee: When an organization is tryin' to retrieve cash, they don't make moves by themselves. Normally, they use foot soldiers. Lee: Plus, I was angry that I had already gone back on my promise to stop doin' this sort of thing. I figured I should know what kind of shape the family was in. Lee: And ya wanna know what one of your boys over there told me that really surprised me? <stabbing sound> Exec: Y-You piece of shit...! How did you...! Exec: Guh! Shit, the gun...! Lee: C'mon ya amateur, yer gettin' shaken and flustered. If it's me throwin' needles, it's more accurate than any gun.

Exec: Flustered...? That stuff about calling my family was a lie!? Lee: I really did call 'em. In fact, they're gonna be here soon. Exec: Wh-... Lee: I didn't expect ya to put a hole in my gut though... Ah well, I can handle a handicap. Exec: Handicap....? Lee: I'm gonna kick your ass before your organization shows up! If I'm workin' with this sorta handicap, it should make for a good fight! <they fight, Lee does in fact kick his ass> Exec: Gah....

Lee: Guess a single hole wasn't enough of a handicap. The guys from your organization haven't even shown yet. Lee: ...Hey, Iwai, you still alive? Iwai: G-Guh... Lee: Seems like bein' that stupid has made ya real tough. The members of your organization will be here soon. Ya better scram before it's too late. Iwai: I-... Is that okay..? Lee: Ya made that lady a promise. If ya break it you'll never sleep easy again. I'll smooth talk the boys. Get outta here. Iwai: I-I'm in your debt! <Iwai leaves> Lee: That guy also had a hole through his guts... He really is powerfully stupid. (Tl note: the line kind of implies he’s powerful because he’s stupid) Exec: Heh..... People sure do change when they get involved with a woman... Lee: Ah? You're already awake. Ya lookin' for round two? Exec: Don't even joke about it... Though, it is a relief... Lee: What is? Exec: That softness... it's going to kill you one of these days... I think before too long, we'll meet each other again in hell...

Lee: Say what ya like. I ain't dyin'. <door opens and the family boys come in> Goon: ...Oh, ouch. Our backstabber looks like shit.

Goon: You're an executive too. When someone betrays our organization... I'm sure you know what happens...? Exec: Shut up... Just do whatever you like to me, I don't care... Goon: Fine by me! Boys, end him! <beating noises> Another Exec: You're the hitman, Lee? Where's the money?

Lee: Here it is. Seems like it's all accounted for. Exec 2: ...Sure enough. Where is the man who took the money? The kid who drove for me. Lee: Ah, that matter has already been cleaned up Mr. Executive. If ya'd like to find him, maybe try lookin' around the mountains next year? Exec 2: ...That's good. You've done me a favor. If you ever need one in return, you need only ask. Lee: I think I got one thing ya can do for me in return. Exec 2: What's that? Lee: I'm becomin' a civilian. I'd like for ya to square that away. Exec 2: Is that all? Lee: Yep, just that. Exec 2: ...Understood. I’ll handle it. I'll stake my honor on it. Lee: Well, if that's all, I'm gonna head on home. <Lee starts to leave> Lee: ...Ah, if ya ever have any aches and pains come see me. I'll fix ya up at Sotenbori's Hogushi Kaikan.

Exec 2: Haha... Yeah, I'll stop by next time I'm in the area.

<A few weeks later>

Makoto: Press with my own body weight...

Lee: Oh, that's feelin' just right. Ya got some surprising talent for this. Makoto: Do you really think so!? I've been practicing on our regulars during lunch hours, so maybe that's why I've improved this much. Lee: Heh, and now we got even more regulars. Makoto: Yeah, like that one lady. She always smells like really nice soap. Lee: ...That customer, has she been comin' in alone? Makoto: Yes, by herself... Why do you ask? Lee: Nah, it's nothin'. I'm always happy to get more regulars. Makoto: This time she did say she wanted a massage from you, Lee-san. It sounded like she might be someone you've met before. Lee: (The soapland worker? I wonder if she'll ask me about that idiot man next time we meet...) Lee: ...Next time that customer comes in askin' for me, tell her I ain't gonna do it. Lee: I'd rather my apprentice get in some more practice. Makoto: Hehe, sure. Lee: Outside of that, anythin' odd happen? Makoto: Anything odd? Hmmmm, nothing recently. Lee: Alright. That's good. Though, if anythin' does happen tell me right... OW!? Makoto: Eh...!? Lee: That's where the gun... I mean, that's where I had a surgery! The wound opened! Makoto: I-I'm so sorry! Lee: I got a serious request... Let's start this from the beginning! Today's trainin' will be tough! Makoto: Yes sir! I'm ready to go!

<END>

Bonus time: man, Lee just can’t catch a break! it’s really interesting seeing this and the sugoroku event, Lee keeps sticking his neck out for people because he’s a good dude and it always goes to shit but he just keeps doing it anyways! I love him. After years and years and years of Kiryu dancing around ever saying he’s Haruka’s dad I was so taken aback by Lee just saying it outright. It hasn’t even been that long! 

also ouch! what a called shot by that exec! I hate that he’s completely right

I’m not really sure what happened to the other 100 mil, since 200 mil did get mentioned twice, or if I just misread something? It’d make sense if it were 100 mil from each executive but it was not super clear to me. I’m also not sure if Makoto saying that Niru smelled like really nice soap implies that Iwai did get her 100 mil still, or if it’s just a difference in world view where Lee thinks it smells cheap and Makoto thinks it’s nice. Iwai wasn’t with her, and she still smells like soap at noon, so I’m leaning towards her not getting the money

during the Y0 event they had The Grand as a location you could send teams to so they’d gather items for you. I sent Lee and..........

Lee. Lee I think they need those. Lee c’mon. 

actually... were... were those just lying around in the Grand...? 😳😳😳

[junker-town]

NFL Dad, Week 11: At least you didn’t start Nathan Peterman

One dad, two young kids, and six-plus hours of RedZone Channel. How much football can he actually watch?

What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done? I genuinely want to know.

For me, it was probably my wife and I deciding to have a second kid without so much as a glance at our budget (“budget,” he said, like an adult who had such a thing at the time). We wanted two kids, and we knew we’d make it work, gosh darn it. Because of that, our bank account is held together with duct tape and wishes, we’ll never own a home, and the looming specter of college tuition is the only thing that makes me look forward to the collapse of society.

On the other hand, that decision gave us a very sweet son who plays well with his big sister. We made a poor financial decision that led to fuller, more joyous lives. It wasn’t national news. It didn’t affect any outcomes for a billion-dollar franchise that employs hundreds of people. It wasn’t televised for everyone to mock.

What I’m saying is, at least I didn’t bench Tyrod Taylor to start Nathan Peterman, like some kind of ignorant asshole. And neither did you! So chin up, things could be a lot worse.

EARLY GAMES, FIRST HALF

— After helping get the kids ready for their naps, I turn on the TV around 1:15. The first meaningful play is Jay Cutler throwing an interception in the end zone. Hell yes, today is gonna be awesome.

— DeShone Kizer’s early line: 0-1, 1 INT. It looks MISERABLE in Cleveland: Windy, wet, and the Browns are playing.

A few minutes later, the Jaguars score a TD on play-action that fools the camera operator. Blake Bortles wasn’t even on the screen until just before he tossed the ball to Marcedes Lewis.

— Eli Manning completes five passes in a row to start the game. Naturally, once the Giants reach the red zone, it’s time for someone else to throw a pass! How does it go for Shane Vereen?

The Giants attempt a little trickery... But the @chiefs have other plans. PICKED. #KCvsNYG http://pic.twitter.com/0imA0M3DJ9

— NFL (@NFL) November 19, 2017

SUBOPTIMAL. Also, this is the first time this column has begun with three consecutive bullets about interceptions.

— My daughter goes down for her nap. Whenever we put her to bed, she does a singsong cadence of the names in her life (NOT like Arya Stark, I swear). She says, “Mommy, Daddy,” then rattles off her own name twice, her brother, the dog, her nanny (twice), and then back through the list again, but randomized.

I cannot do it justice in words because it is woven into the landscape of my day, a charming and inexplicable habit from the spongy mind of a child. Eventually, I know, she will stop doing it, and I’m already sad about the day I walk out of her darkened room without hearing the rhythmic, lyrical recitation of the names of people I love.

— The Jags run a surprise onside kick, and it works! Josh Lambo recovers!

That was cool, but ... C’mon guys, it’s the Browns. Y’all don’t need to do that. Let them die with dignity.

— We ran out of coffee in my house this weekend. I used the last of our grounds on Saturday morning, but thought we had another bag — not realizing that the bag was decaf. (Charlton Heston voice) DECAAAAAAAAAFFFF!!!

So we made do with decaf when we woke up, then I had a latte when we took the kids to the playground in the morning. I drank it like a desperate man. It helped, but by noon I was stressed and irritable, so I heated up water to make tea.

I try to be the kind of person who respects everyone’s tastes, but apparently that’s only possible when I have enough caffeine in my system. Tea is bullshit.

— Alex Smith throws an interception on a shovel pass. Not easy to do!

AN INT ON A SHOVEL PASS MAKES A TASTY SNACK FOR DAMON HARRISON #Giants #Chiefs http://pic.twitter.com/0RZs3zcyxt

— Clay Wendler (@ClayWendler) November 19, 2017

— Facing 4th and six in the vicinity of the Saints’ 40, Kirk Cousins makes an awesome throw downfield to convert, leading to a short rushing touchdown that gives Washington a 17-10 lead.

After Rams-Vikings, Washington versus New Orleans seems to be the game to watch in this early slate. Cousins & Co. are playing for their season, and the Saints offense seems a little rattled by the pressure that Ryan Kerrigan and his friends are bringing.

— I just deleted a bullet point about Jay Cutler throwing his second interception, because he has now thrown THREE. I swear the only RedZone highlights from this Bucs-Dolphins game are Cutler picks, which is all I really want anyway.

— The Packers have turned the ball over three times and the Ravens only lead 3-0. Brett Hundley has no business facing this Ravens defense, but it’s Baltimore that infuriates me. That offense is polio. Joe Flacco is the debtor’s prison’s Alex Smith.

Also, the Packers are wearing their crappy throwbacks. If I’d known they’d spend today drawing inspiration from the 1930s, I wouldn’t have picked them to cover.

— Rams-Vikings is living up to the hype of a battle between two division leaders in the superior conference. It’s tied at 7-7, and though there hasn’t been much fodder for this column, every set of downs is a chess match between quality teams with smart plans that make the most of their players.

As soon as I write that, Cooper Kupp caps a Rams drive by fumbling on the 1-yard line.

Cooper Kupp loses the on the 1-yard line... And the @Vikings recover! Going the other way! #SKOL http://pic.twitter.com/3glfdkGBOn

— NFL (@NFL) November 19, 2017

Even this — a red zone turnover — is more indicative of a relentless, well-coached defense than it is of Kupp’s carelessness. And now that’s I’ve had two instances of Kupp alliteration, I must see the headline through to completion:

Cooper Kupp’s carelessness crushes quality campaign; Case Keenum & company control close contest!

I would have been an incredible newsman in the 1920s.

— The Lions, who stumbled out of the gate against the Bears, take a 21-17 lead on a short pass to Ameer Abdullah with 20 seconds left in the half. John Fox has that, “Aw, hell” look on his face. It’s the sort of look that Bears fans must HATE, because it gives the impression that Fox is in over his head.

Another thing that gives the impression that Fox is in over his head? His coaching! ZING! Take that, old man who never did anything to me!

EARLY GAMES, SECOND HALF

— Joe Flacco throws to a blanketed Mike Wallace, who makes an incredible catch to give the Ravens the first touchdown of the game. They lead 13-0.

The announcers rave about Wallace’s catch — justifiably — but let’s talk about Flacco’s reasoning. It’s not like Wallace is the kind of receiver you should expect to make catches while covered, like Julio Jones or DeAndre Hopkins. He’s Mike Wallace! A deep threat on an offense that doesn’t throw deep! And the Ravens can’t even realistically cut Flacco until after 2018! We have SO MUCH more Flacco to watch. GUH. Dump this team into the Chesapeake.

— My son wakes up from his nap early. He points to his mouth and says, “Ow. Ow.” His mouth hurts because he fell off his sister’s bed earlier, hitting his chin on the bottom rail and biting his tongue. Poor kid. He sits next to me on the couch and sucks his thumb while resting his head against my shoulder.

— “Alex Smith is hot dog shit today.” That was originally going to be my entire bullet, but that metaphor isn’t very clear. What I mean is that Smith is fresh dog shit on scorching pavement on hottest day of the summer. But the phrase could also read as shit from a dog that’s hot, or possibly the filling of a hot dog from a questionable manufacturer. None of these are particularly good, but I wanted to make it clear what kind of hot dog shit Alex Smith is today.

— Matt Moore has replaced Jay Cutler -- not for cause, though. Cutler, who had put together some 11 or 12 minutes without an interception, left the game with a concussion. Moore immediately hits Jarvis Landry for a long gain.

— My wife leaves with my son to walk our dog just as my daughter wakes up from her nap. The Vikings are putting together an intriguing drive, but I go into her room and help her use the potty. When we come back out to the TV room, the Vikings are celebrating a touchdown.

We sit on the couch and I read a Dr. Seuss book to her. Are you ready for a children’s book hot take? I hope so, because Seuss is WILDLY overrated. He’s kind of like Joe Namath: A champion and Hall of Famer, sure, but also revered beyond his talent.

The strength of Seuss books is their musical language, and I fully welcome the way they can give children a sense of poetic rhythm and rhyme. They’re also EXCRUCIATINGLY long; I could read a chapter of Moby-Dick in the time it takes to read Oh, The Places You’ll Go. The rhymes are also repetitive enough to feel rote, but differentiated enough that you can’t zone out and perform on autopilot; it’s the children’s book version of assembling IKEA furniture. Finally, though I can’t deny Seuss’ unique artistic style, I loathe it with all my heart. Is that a dog or a cat? A cat or a person? A person or some made-up bullshit so he can make a rhyme? I’m over it, man.

— After the book, my daughter takes my wrist in her hand and puts my arm around her. We watch Adam Thielen break a long TD to give the Vikings a two-score lead, and that’s probably curtains for the Rams.

All this man does is make PLAYS. 65-yard @athielen19 TOUCHDOWN! #SKOL http://pic.twitter.com/cQyfvs5sR5

— NFL (@NFL) November 19, 2017

— Another Alex Smith interception leads to a Giants field goal; the underdogs lead 9-6 with 1:39 left. This reminds me: I missed it while parenting, but Travis Kelce ALSO threw an interception today.

In just this one NFL game, interceptions have been thrown by a quarterback, a running back, and a tight end. If you had bet me before the game that THREE players would throw interceptions and NONE of them would be Eli Manning, you would own every penny to my name.

— Alex Smith TRIES to throw another pick, but there’s a penalty on the defense. Soon after, he finds Travis Kelce wide open down the seam. The Chiefs get into the red zone but can only get a field goal. These assholes are going to overtime.

— A Lions 52-yard field goal gives them 27-24 lead, but John Fox has three timeouts, one minute remaining, and a rookie quarterback. LET’S GO!

Mitchell Trubisky puts together a competent hurry-up drill, but Connor Barth misses WAY wide right on a 46-yarder. The Bears lose, 27-24. It’s the third straight game (and fifth overall) that they’ve lost by one score. Meanwhile, two of their three wins have come in overtime. This must be an AGONIZING season for Bears fans.

— My wife gives our daughter a Moana coloring book that comes with a paintbrush and watercolors. The first picture inside features Moana standing proudly with her fists on her hips. Later in the evening, my daughter will swagger up and down the hallway with her fists on her hips, saying, “I’m walking like Moana!”

THIS is why I love Moana but have beef with the traditional Disney princesses. My daughter is three years old and has still never seen Moana (or any movie), but frequent exposure to the soundtrack and a couple of plot points — “Moana has to save her people” — gives my daughter enough information to guide her body language, and we can see it in the way she play-acts.

When she’s Cinderella, I have to pretend to put a gown on her, and we dance together at the ball. When she’s Rapunzel, she flips her hair around; Ariel, and she holds up a scarf as a bikini. But when she’s Moana, she throws her shoulders back, struts with purpose, and thrusts her fist into the air — something she’d only previously done when saying, “I’m Batman!”

Long story short, her Cinderella doll has a date with the trash chute.

— The Saints, trailing by 15 as the game winds to a close, needed two touchdowns in three minutes. Drew Brees did it in two minutes, thanks to a three-and-out forced by the defense. 2-point conversion good.

WE. DID. THAT.@a_kamara6 with the touchdown and the two-point conversion to tie things up with 1:05 to play! #SaintsGameday | #WASvsNO http://pic.twitter.com/Dzae3lVa40

— New Orleans Saints (@Saints) November 19, 2017

This gives me flashbacks to Washington’s win in Seattle a few weeks back, when the Seahawks scored too quickly and gave the visitors enough time to retake the lead.

— With time starting to run low in overtime, the Giants go for it on 4th and six at the edge of field goal range, and Manning takes a shot deep. awesome deep pass. Great play. FG Giants, 12-9.

Wowwwwwwww. Roger Lewis makes the INCREDIBLE grab to setup the @giants WIN. #GiantsPride http://pic.twitter.com/YE9qsqlql5

— NFL (@NFL) November 19, 2017

It’s underthrown, but the cornerback drags Roger Lewis (a player I have DEFINITELY heard of, yessir) down, and that helps him make the spectacular catch. The Giants kick a chip shot to win the game.

The Chiefs’ performance today puts some serious stink on the “Andy Reid after a bye week” mystique. Woof. On the flip side, the Giants hurt their draft position and will keep Ben McAdoo as coach a little longer, so ... way to go, everybody. Bang-up job this week.

— Washington does nothing with its first OT possession, and the Saints waste no time: Mark Ingram breaks a long run to put them in field goal range. Wil Lutz kicks the 28-yarder, and this is the rare instance I approve of overtime: It (A) ended quickly and (B) completed the gut-wrenching collapse of a team I dislike.

LATE GAMES, FIRST HALF

— Nathan Peterman starts his NFL career off with a pick-6. Sure, it went off the receiver’s hands, but that’s inconvenient for my narrative. I picked up the Chargers defense for my fantasy team, and I’m counting on Joey Bosa and Melvin Ingram to ruin the debut of an unheralded rookie quarterback.

— The first RedZone action in Denver is the Broncos blocking a Bengals punt. It should be illegal to have this much orange on the field.

— My wife gives the kids apple slices with maple almond butter, which is one of very few ways to make almond butter palatable to kids raised on peanut butter. They sit at the table and eat silently. I mute the TV and just drink in the quiet. For entire seconds: no sirens or honking outside, no incessant questions or shouting or whining, no dog nails clacking on the wood floors, just silence. I store the moment away and save it for a moment when I need a warm feeling of calm.

— Brock Osweiler throws a pick in end zone that Dre Kirkpatrick ALMOST returns for six, but he inexplicably fumbles without being touched, recovering his mistake at the one-yard line. This might be my favorite play of the entire year:

PICK-6-OHHH NO! Dre Kirkpatrick nearly has a 101-yard PICK-6... But fumbles inside the 5. Wow. #CINvsDEN http://pic.twitter.com/zUyPI5Q0xZ

— NFL (@NFL) November 19, 2017

By the way, this is the exact sort of thing I’d do if I were an NFL player who had Joe Mixon on my fantasy team (I don’t, though, because I drafted with MORAL PRINCIPLES). It’s Tyler Kroft, however, who gets the touchdown.

— My daughter, still working with watercolors, absentmindedly takes a sip from the cup of water she was dipping her paint brush in. Bruce Arians approves!

My wife says, “How did that taste?” My daughter only frowns in response.

— Tom Brady opens the scoring in Mexico City with a TD to one of his running backs … Kevin Faulk? No, Dion Lewis. Hey, speaking of Mexico, the new Pixar joint looks amazing.

Oh yeah, that’s gonna give me a good cry.

— Nathan Peterman has now thrown his THIRD interception. It’s still the first quarter.

Tyrod Taylor has the lowest interception rate in NFL history (at least 1000 attempts).

— Mina Kimes (@minakimes) November 19, 2017

Tyrod Taylor in 2017: 254 passing attempts, 3 interceptions Nathan Peterman, today: 8 passing attempts, 3 interceptions

— Rodger Sherman (@rodger_sherman) November 19, 2017

— Keenan Allen is in for a TD, and it’s 17-7, Chargers. Allen doesn’t look quick, but he’s just so smooth. I can’t think of another receiver that big who moves with such grace and without any wasted movement. I hope he can avoid the injury problems that have followed him to this point.

— Peterman throws a FOURTH pick! This is amazing. I stop watching the games to follow Twitter, where the ‘Rod Squad is gleefully destroying Sean McDermott and the Bills management.

more like Tea-rod Taylor, right @minakimes? http://pic.twitter.com/zUbrqH6ziC

— Matt Ufford (@mattufford) November 19, 2017

You’ll notice in the above picture that Taylor has “Born to Lose” tattooed on his bicep; on his other one is “Built to Win.” When he leaves Buffalo — and he should, for an organization that actually welcomes him as a perfectly solid quarterback (‘sup Jacksonville?) — he should find some space for “Benched Too Soon.”

— A Peterman fumbled snap leads to 3rd and seven, and let me tell you: I have rarely been so tense as watching Nathan Peterman, sitting on four interceptions, wait to take a snap on a passing down. (He threw incomplete. It was not particularly close to being complete.)

— Did Nathan Michael Peterman throw a fifth interception? You are extremely goddamn right he did.

— As the games go into halftime, the Chargers lead the Bills 37-7, the Pats take a 17-0 lead on a 62-yarder from Stephen Gostkowski, and the Bengals lead in Denver, 13-7. The lone close game is the one I have no interest in watching. Orange teams are crap.

LATE GAMES, SECOND HALF

— My kids practice saying “Touchdown!” while throwing their arms up in the air. the 3-year-old has it down cold, but my son’s pronunciation isn’t quite there. It starts out as “DA-DA!” but he manages to get to “TOUSH-DAWN!” by the thirtieth or fortieth try. It definitely did not get old, I’ll tell you that much.

— Brandin Cooks ends any realistic hope for the Raiders with a 64-yard touchdown that is all speed and no safety help. I won’t even link to a highlight because it’s not even that interesting. Imagine a really fast guy running past a person, then catching a ball in stride and continuing to run. There you go.

— Tyrod Taylor is back! He converts a 3rd and 12 and leads the offense to a field goal. Whoa, CRAZY how the Bills’ offense works better when the more talented quarterback plays. Sean McDermott is either the stupidest asshole in the league, or he’s being told by management to back Peterman and too spineless to say no.

— I get my son out of the bath, put him in a diaper and pajamas, give him his milk, and somehow manage to cut his fingernails without turning our house into the Octagon. The kid can’t catch a ball, but brandish some nail clippers and he’s suddenly a black belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Usually, if I want to keep him from scratching his face with his talons while he sleeps, I have to put him in an arm bar while he screams bloody murder.

But not this time! He just drinks his milk and doesn’t struggle. Now, if you don’t have kids, you probably never think about this kind of thing. But as a parent, please allow me to shout, THIS IS SUCH AN EASY THING THAT CHILDREN MAKE SO GODDAMN HARD ARRRRGGGHHH.

— Down 27-0, the Raiders go for it on 4th and one, and hand it off to ... a running back who is NOT Marshawn Lynch. He gets stuffed. JESUS. What black magic does Belichick have that makes opposing coaches ignore Lynch at crucial moments?

— The Raiders score a touchdown I don’t see because this is happening:

The great thing about writing is that you can easily work from home

I saved my daughter’s notes:

bv bvb vt /ER;/.SZrd6s4\-}){“:$D[‘c tgc raLKUoYPTOIUYTR’=\][

OK, so we’ve got some room to improve. She does better work with emojis.

— My son picks a book off the table, drops it on the floor, and bends down to pick it up, not accounting for the table that’s in his head’s path. BONK. He’s got a red welt on his forehead, and it’s at least the fourth time this afternoon he’s fallen or otherwise hurt himself (he also pulled open a tape measure, which retracted and whipped him in the face). He’s a disaster.

On the screen, the clock ticks down on the Chargers’ 54-24 blowout. Sean McDermott looks grim but steadfast. In the other room, my daughter channels The Rock’s voice to yell the final lines of his song in Moana: “AND THANK YOU!”