#i feel sentiment and affection and lean into those in relationships and i think that's fine

[403tarot]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤʚଓ ་༘࿐ yoongi fluffy questions

would he write songs about his loved one? If yes what vibe the song would have? (lightheaded and cute? deep and breath taking?)

yeah, he’d totally write songs about his loved one! yoongi seems like a pretty private person when it comes to his personal life, and the cards reflect that in the reading too. i don’t think he’d be the type to make direct references to the person or describe situations super explicitly in his songs. to me, the set of cards i got shows that he’d focus more on his own feelings toward that person and how the relationship makes him feel. definitely something on the sweet/cute side.

what kind of physical affection he enjoys the most?

apparently, for yoongi, intimacy is all about feeling comfortable. little things that show he naturally gravitates toward the person seem to be what he finds special, like muscle memory kicking in at random moments. i imagine things like getting close and automatically wrapping his arms around their waist, sitting down and resting their leg on his thigh (or the other way around), leaning against them, and so on. small gestures like these might be his favorite parts of a relationship.

what are his favorite domestic ways to spend with his lover?

putting the whole world on silent mode and locking himself in a little bubble with the person he loves, no matter the situation. he really seems like the type to go completely off the grid, turning off his phone, going offline and stuff when he decides to spend time with someone he cares about. and it looks like those moments of being disconnected are really important to him. there’s this feeling of making those times a refuge of happy memories, fully focusing on the person he loves.

there’s also a physical aspect to it, but not just in a sexual way, it’s more like taking the time to feel the person, in the sense of, “wow, they’re really here with me.” the cards that showed up were really sentimental, so i get the feeling that, to him, what he does with that person isn’t as important as just having that time together and being able to fully give himself to it.

how would he feel/think if his loved one wrote him a poetry or any meaningful text?

feels like he’d get really shy… like, he’s great at expressing his thoughts through his lyrics, but when someone does the same for him, he’d get all flustered. he’d be super attached to those little displays of love and hold them really close to his heart. honestly, i can even see him writing or producing something inspired by that, depending on what it is.

** questions sent by anonymous. you can see more readings of mine here

[puranami]

✿ It's The Little Things - 2 ✿

A/N: Wow, the first post went far better than I ever expected, especially considering I have no idea what I'm doing ᕕ(✿ᐛ )ᕗ It was a lot of fun though, so I'm back for round 2!

Summary: More little relationship things with other characters that are in both the anime/manga, and the live action~

Characters: Buggy, Shanks, Mihawk

Content: SFW, G/N reader, fluff with added fluff on top ✿

(Part 1 - Luffy, Zoro, Nami, Usopp, Sanji) (Part 3 - Franky, Robin, Law, Kid, Killer) (Part 4 - Crocodile, Rosinante/ Corazon, Doflamingo)

Buggy

✿ Naturally there is never a dull moment with a man as flashy and bombastic as Buggy, but that doesn't mean there are no calm moments. The start of your day is relatively mellow compared to the rest of it. Bugs will cling to you for as long as he can get away with before you both have to get up. During your morning routine you are practically on top of each other, but it is so natural and well coordinated, that you never collide or get in each others way. All the while, he'll be cracking jokes, and putting his hands on your "assets," followed by a cheeky wink, and infectious giggles. He loves when you match his shenanigans, and will overact his reactions, as if he wasn't just doing the exact same thing to you; "Well, I never-" - "You literally just grabbed my-" - "Never," to which you'll laugh and gently slap his arm while he sticks his tongue out at you.

✿ He's a materialistic guy, so he gives you lots of gifts, from the extravagant to the sentimental. It's the easiest way for him to show you how much you mean to him. Giving him gifts in return makes him melt; he isn't just buying your love, you are speaking his love language! As a pirate it's always been him taking what he wants, so to be freely given those things speaks volumes. Even more valuable than the things he wants are the things you have made for him. To know you have put time, energy, and love into making something special and unique means so much to him! He will cry because he is so moved, just hold him and stroke his hair while he has his moment.

✿ To be with Buggy means you have willingly lowered every single one of your barriers; you are an open book, completely honest about what you think and how you feel. He is insecure, so he needs to see that you trust him implicitly in order to return that trust. As a part of this openness, your personal bubble no longer exists, you have a couple bubble now. That doesn't mean you can't have space though! On the contrary, the mutual trust you've cultivated means you can say, "Hey, I just need some time to myself," and he knows that you aren't angry, or upset with him, because you would have told him as much. When you come back he welcomes you with a cheesy pickup line or wise crack as he pulls you right back into that shared bubble. It took a lot of faith at the start, which wasn't easy for him, and it takes consistent hard work to maintain this level of trust and honesty, and it is so worth it.

Shanks

✿ This man cannot keep his hand to himself! When you're walking together he'll have his hand on the small of your back, or his arm around your shoulder. More often than not he is holding your hand, fingers laced together, with him brushing your thumb with the rough, calloused skin of his own. In his mind, the closer you are to him, the safer you are. He's one of the strongest men in all the seas, so being in the same space means no one can touch you, just as they can't touch him, but you'd never know it. To you, he's just like a big puppy, needing to be in your presence, smothering you in affection. He likes to lean his head on top of yours, similar to how a dog will lean their head on your lap, all while wrapping his arm around your waist so you can't wander off. He can be a little possessive, honestly, but he means well.

✿ He will listen to you talk his ear off for hours on end about literally anything. From philosophical musings, to colour theory, to the many uses of vinegar - it doesn't matter the subject, he just loves to hear your voice, and to see how passionate you are. Shanks won't just smile and nod, giving the odd confirming "uh huh," while not really listening either; he gets really invested! Your passion is contagious, and you make even the most mundane things interesting. It's also good to know what interests you, as it makes gift ideas easier. Whenever he sees something related to a topic you've talked to him about he will get it for you. The main thing with all of this is the quality time he gets to spend with you; outside of drinking and merriment, it's one of his favourite ways to relax.

✿ Shanks loves playing little pranks on you. He never goes too far though, as it's important that you are laughing alongside him and the crew. It makes him so happy when you start pulling your own pranks on him. It is very hard to surprise him, but easy to confuse him. You know those pranks where people hide numerous things everywhere? Lets just say he is still finding little gnomes around the Red Force. The rest of the crew is in on it, pretending not to see them, and will deny any knowledge of them, and the longer it goes on, the funnier he finds it when he spots another - you hid them in the such obscure places! He's kept every single one of them, and they have a designated chest, but he'll keep his favourites on his desk.

Mihawk

✿ Everything about Mihawk is subtle, and purposeful, and that extends to relationships. To outside observers he appears cold and distant, like he is barely tolerating your presence at his side, but you are so familiar with his subtleties that you can see just how much he adores you. Each ghost of a touch and fraction of a smile are a declaration of love that only you can understand. He is much more open with his affections when you are alone, where you are safest - not to say you are unsafe out with him, nothing could be further from the truth, he just won't do anything that puts a potential target on your back, exposing you as his achilles heel.

✿ He is a classic romantic! Mihawk is courting you, not dating you. At the start of the courtship he will wine and dine you, lead you with an arm behind you that never makes contact, and the only time he will touch you is to leave a faint kiss on your hand after escorting you home. There will also be large periods of time between meetings where he will send many unsigned love letters until he can return to you. You know exactly who they are from, Mihawk just wants to avoid you being linked to him, especially when he isn't there to protect you.

✿ Once you are fully committed to one another, he moves you to his home where you are safe, and when he is there, he is so domestic that you often forget you are with a (former) warlord. You will tend to the garden together, harvest what you need, and cook together, though he'd prefer to do all the cooking for you. In all honesty, as long as you are there to keep him company, he'd be happy to do everything for you, but he won't fight it if you insist on doing things for him, or ideally together instead; "We'll get things done quicker together, and then we can relax with a bottle of wine and a good book." - "Very well." There is nothing he loves more than sitting with you on the settee with a comfy blanket after a long day of training and daily chores.

[reverseexorcist]

♡ 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ♡

You couldn't not give me Carmilla fucking Carmine and expect me not to go feral over her-

➲ 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚 Carmine + !F!Reader

➲ Romantic ☒, Platonic ☐

➲ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 Count; 1,479 Words

➲ Warnings/notes; Female reader, these are kind've all over the place, Carmilla might be a tad OOC since this is my first time writing her

➲ There are so many different ways this relationship could possibly start. The mind boggles trying to think of all of them. Just think of all the potential shenanigans that could occur and have fun with that

➲ But lemme just say before anything - This woman is fiercely protective over you. Not in the cutesy, clingy kind've obsessive way, but the silently scary scary-dog privilege kind've partner. The epitome of 'excuse me sir, they asked for no pickles', and, because I love this trope, you are the only person (besides her daughters) that she will ever fully be soft for.

➲ Insert 🥺 right here

➲ Just, get you a woman who looks at you the way Carmilla looks at her wife. That's all I can say

➲ The soft moments in the morning when you can just lay in bed and watch her get ready. Pulling her hair up into her signature, gravity defying buns(?) and delicately slip on and twine her angelic steel shoes. The minutes of her fingers expertly working away in a comfortable silence as you just lay under the comfort of your warm blankets? Those are the moments right there 👌

➲ Probably not one for physical affection, at least not in public. Definitely not in public. Her reputation alone would probably put you in danger, which is, y'know, not good, so no hand-holding in public

➲ (Honestly, one part of her probably prefers not to be seen with you in public for that exact reason. The other part wants to keep you in her line of sight at all times because at least then she can personally keep you safe)

➲ All of that being said, can't deny she'd probably give top tier hugs. Proper bear hugs because this woman is tall and strong and would undeniably make you feel safe whenever you're in her arms. Depending on how tall or short you are, she could also probably pick you up if you really wanted 👉👈

➲ (She could 100% pick you up, and probably with one hand as well)

➲ Gives the most tender of little kisses. Small pecks on the cheeks and forehead whenever she's tired from work, her larger fingers gently grazing the sides of your head as her fluffy hair tickles your face

➲ And the adorable little pet names she whispers to you! Maybe you're just passing by each other in an almost empty street or just relaxing at home together, but she'll always try and take the chance to whisper something like 'mi Vida', 'mi Corazón' or 'mi Reina' just loud enough for the two of you to hear

➲ Let's be real, this woman is really goddamn tall, so you're probably shorter than her and she absolutely loves it and would absolutely tell this to your face just to fluster you. What she loves even more is the way you'd have to reach up on your tippy toes with her leaning down to meet you halfway just to have you playfully kiss her on the tip of her nose or her chin

➲ Maybe, very rarely, if she's feeling extra sentimental, she'd love it if you sat on her lap while she works in her home office, just so she can have your comfort and warmth nearby. More often than not this scenario would end up with you falling asleep in her lap and her carrying you back to bed with the smallest of smiles on her face

➲ If she could really help it, she'd prefer to keep you as far away from her work as possible. As much as she would love to have you in the office, maybe helping her with paperwork or something similar so she could have you at within her reach at all times of the day, arms dealing is a dangerous job. At least her daughter's have each other's backs' when they're out doing business, but you'd probably have to make it on your own or with one of her other employees and that's a big no no in her eyes

➲ Also, speaking of her daughters, your relationship with them would vary wildly depending on when you met them

➲ If you started dating Carmilla when Clara and Odette were rather young, they'd probably cling on to you like a second mother figure. In some cases, they might've even preferred you over Carmilla for the sole fact that their toddler puppy eyes work on you better than their biological mother

➲ Your dynamic would probably just be the three of you racing to see who could give Carmilla a hug first after she gets home from work

➲ (Though, this only works if Carmilla is hell-born seeing as sinner's can't have children)

➲ If you started dating Carmilla when they were older though, there might be a bit of a tense air when you first meet. Carmilla's protectiveness isn't just one way - Her daughters absolutely adore her, and although they definitely couldn't protect her physically, they'd do their damn best to protect her emotionally

➲ They'd warm up to you after some time though, seeing you do truly love their mother with your whole heart. You'd never be a parent to them, barely even a step-parent, but they'd respect you and care for you like family nonetheless because you make their mother happy

➲ Either way, her heart melts seeing the three of you getting alone, and she 100% has a family picture she keeps on her desk for her eyes only

➲ Sometimes she just waits until you fall asleep so she can cradle your head in her heads oh so carefully. She just sort've stares at you, her eyes glowing in the dark with her wild mane of hair spilling out behind her, and she just traces all the intricate details of your face with her eyes

➲ And then she just sort've hugs you closer to her, tugging the blankets a little tighter around the two of you as she presses the littlest of kisses to your forehead before relaxing into the pillows

➲ But just imagine Carmilla with a wife who died so much later after her. Just this tall, scary and proper woman that strikes fear into the hearts of millions with her little gremlin wife who keep talking about shit like reddit that the other sinners just don't understand (not even Carmilla herself, but she finds your antics somewhat entertaining, at least when she doesn't have to act as your self preservation instincts and keep you safe)

➲ Extermination is your least favourite day for multiple reasons

➲ The first being, well, the exorcists descending form heaven to brutally murder sinners left and right, but also because Carmilla changes around this time

➲ It's understandable, especially with what happened in one of the previous exterminations when she and her daughters got caught, but it still scares you to see you usually cool, calm and loving wife turn into a robot who's only goal is to get you and her daughters to a safehouse to wait out the terror outside

➲ Doesn't mean you're not grateful, though. You can look past all of that because you know she's just doing it to keep you safe, and in the end you'd rather be safe and living with your family rather than dead on the end of an exorcist's spear

➲ You probably also have a good relationship with the other overlords, despite never having gone to a meeting

➲ (It's because of this you've never met Velvette or the other Vee's, and if Carmilla has a say, you never will)

➲ Rosie, being the social butterfly she is, loves to talk gossip with you every chance she gets. Zestial likes to join in on your little sessions, not saying anything but bringing tea for everyone to drink and enjoy. Clara also likes to join in sometimes, but her sister would much rather sit with her mother and just watch the chaos unfold in front of them

➲ Almost certainly has caught you trying on her shoes when she's not looking. A part of her is annoyed because she'd rather not have you involved in anything to do with her work, but the innocent look you give her makes her rethink her annoyance in the moment

➲ She'd later found out Clara helped you because you also wanted to try and walk around on pointe like the rest of the family. No idea why you skipped straight to trying the angelic weapon shoes, but Carmilla does offer to help you later

➲ Overall, great wife and I'd give her a 9/10. One point deducted probably because she'd be a tad too overprotective, but everything else about her is great; From her bear hugs to those little moments the two of you share

Rules + Info,

Masterlist,

[leviathanlazarus]

Bring a Friend

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x Danny Wagner x (F) Reader

Word Count: ~6800

Warnings: it's a threeway with HEAVY slash. Don't like it, don't read it. (voyeurism; oral sex w/ M & F receiving; dirty talking; bottom!Sam; Danny is a bit of a dom; fingering all around; protected anal & vaginal sex) 18+ only!

@mackalah sent a call to the universe asking for a Sanny x Reader fic inspired by the song Lost in the Fire by The Weeknd. I've been writing Sanny fics for a long time and I never get tired of doing it. I think I was one of the first, if not the first, writers in the fandom to write a Sanny threeway, actually...and I never thought I'd write more of those but I felt very inspired by this song and the idea...even if it doesn't fit your specific image, I hope anyone who reads this enjoys it ;)

---

Sure, you had reconciled with the fact that Sam would never love you as much as he loved Danny. At first, their overwhelming affection and adoration for one another was kind of cute to you. Seeing Sam so enamored with a boy was adorable–quite special, really. You loved that he could love a best friend so fiercely, so passionately. But then it had become clearer and clearer throughout your relationship that you would never be even close to a priority no matter how long you were with Sam or how close you two became–Danny would always be closer, and Danny would always be number one. 

So things ended. Amicably enough, thankfully, and you still saw Sam–and by default, Danny–all the time. You were friends. But you weren’t sure how to respond when Sam started sending you pictures that showcased more of their friendship than you’d ever imagined. Well, not seriously imagined, anyway.

The first one was almost passable as innocent–a picture of Sam and Danny’s arms slung across one another’s shoulders, Danny leaning in and pressing his lips to Sam’s cheek. 

Cute, you texted back. 

Jealous? Sam replied.

You balked at your phone. Sam was ridiculous. Of you or of him?

Either

Nope

Hmm… 

After that text, he sent you a picture of them actually kissing–Danny was planting a big one right on Sam’s mouth and Sam was smiling into it, arm outstretched to capture the moment on his phone.

What about now?

You stared at the picture, flabbergasted. It was kind of hot, you had to admit, but you also felt your chest tighten with bitterness–you’d really tried with Sam. You’d been patient and forgiving, welcoming of how close Danny was to him, but it just never felt like you were enough. Not the perfect fit. And that wore you down more and more until it just all had to end. But here Sam was showing off his perfect match, apparently really trying to make you jealous when you thought all those feelings of jealousy had been buried and forgotten.

You left Sam on read, ignoring his attempt to antagonize you, but later, when you’d nearly forgotten about the pictures, Danny texted you:

Did Sam send pics of us together to you?

You sighed. You weren’t really in the mood to get more, but maybe Danny would spare you. 

Yes. Did you guys take those just to send to me and make me “jealous?”

Actually no. I didn’t even know he sent them until now. I’m really sorry if it upset you 

Another sigh. Danny was a sweetheart. Surely he really didn’t want to rile you up or hurt your feelings. 

It's okay. You guys are good together

Thanks. You and Sam were good together too

You left that alone. As much as you could appreciate the sentiment, you weren’t in the mood to travel further down memory lane. But later, when you were lying in bed, you found yourself opening up your texts to look at those pictures again, especially lingering on the snapshot of Sam and Danny kissing. Finally, with a huff you locked your phone and tossed it aside before you tossed yourself into a fitful sleep.

But the next day, the pictures commenced. The first one was sent in the middle of the night and was a perplexing awakening–a picture clearly taken from Sam’s POV. You’d recognize that torso anywhere and there it was in clear digital–Sam flat on his back, a string of bright pink bite marks down his stomach and Danny’s wild dark curls pressed against his belly. You couldn’t see his face, but you also knew that hair anywhere. You sat up in bed rubbing your eyes and once your brain made full sense of the image, you wanted to be mad. You were mad–you could feel the heat rising in your body, the tension growing in your mind, but you also felt a tingle of betrayal shudder through you all the same. 

No text accompanied the photo. It was bait and you weren’t going for it. If Sam wanted you to be jealous, you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction; if he just wanted you to have the pictures for whatever demented reason, you’d accept. But when the pictures kept coming and got progressively more raunchy, you thought the picture of Sam kissing Danny’s neck, his hand shoved down Danny’s pants, had to be the last one. There was no way it would escalate. But it did–later that night Sam sent you a picture of Danny straight up sucking his dick.

That made you gasp and, without even thinking about it, press the call button.

“Sam!” you shouted when he answered. “What the fuck are you doing? Does Danny know you’re sending me all these?”

Sam laughed. Such a bastard. “He didn’t at first. But now he does. He’s been encouraging me.”

You held your face in your free hand, sighing. “Sam. What the hell is wrong with you? I’ve really worked hard to move past our breakup and I–”

“Y/N, I know. That’s not what this is.” Sam paused for a second and you sensed he wasn’t alone on the other end. “This is an invitation.”

You couldn’t lie to yourself–you’d thought about it. How could you not after receiving all those pictures? But still the words from Sam didn’t make sense in your mind. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean exactly what I said. We’re inviting you to join us.” When you didn’t respond, Sam continued: “Just for a night, you know? Test it out?”

The words were still bouncing around. Your heart sped up with curiosity. “Let me talk to Danny,” you ordered. “I’m sure he’s with you right now. Right?” Danny would make it make sense. 

Another laugh from Sam. “Yeah, he’s here. Hang on.” There was a vague shuffle and then Danny’s voice was in your ear.

“Danny, please explain this to me,” you demanded, growing even more flustered and impatient. “What’s Sam talking about?”

“Well, um, I think he kind of said it all.”

You let out an exasperated huff. “He did not say it all, Danny. Clearly I need you to spell it out for me.”

“We both like you and we want to have a threesome,” Danny explained and you could hear Sam laugh in the background. “That’s it. If you don’t want to, it’s totally cool. And I’ll tell him to stop sending the pictures.”

Maybe it was strange, but when you’d looked at all the photos, you’d never pictured yourself being part of the action. Sam and Danny came as a pair–clearly. Your relationship had ended because of that–and were truly, as far as you were concerned, meant for one another. To get between that seemed strange, not to mention held incredible risk to damage the friendship you were still clinging to with both of them. 

You thought about the pictures some more though and felt you landed on some middle ground, unorthodox as it was. But all of this was entirely unorthodox. “What if I watched?” you proposed.

“What? You want to?” Danny asked, the surprise in his voice ridiculous to you given what he and Sam had already proposed themselves. 

“Sure. Clearly, Sam’s into that.”

There was a slight pause, then Danny said, “Okay. Yeah, sure. We’re into that too.”

It was probably one of the worst decisions of your life. But when you hung up, you couldn’t help but feel a little excited about it.

-

You were surprised at how Sam and Danny didn’t seem to care at all that you were watching, sitting in the oversized, plush lounge chair that had been hauled from the living room to the bedroom for the big show. You were also surprised at how, as the action progressed and you were seemingly forgotten, sinking back into the walls like you were invisible, you cared less and less as well. Sam and Danny were completely enthralling to watch–Sam was lying half on top of Danny, kissing him like his best friend was made of pure magic, and Danny was cradling the back of Sam’s head like he was a precious piece of art. Both things were true in your mind–Danny was like a magical, mystical storm enveloping Sam, who was indeed a rare and beautiful work of art that needed to be treasured.

When Sam smiled into the next kiss, a lightning bolt of jealousy pierced your chest. They looked at one another like they were completely in love, probably because they were. Sam had never looked at you like that. But it made sense. You were just the last in a string of failed girlfriends before Sam finally realized who his true partner was. You could imagine that Danny had been silently waiting and beckoning Sam to come to him for good. 

Nevertheless, you couldn’t deny that what you were privileged to witness was also painfully hot, even hotter when they both took their shirts off; Sam dipped his head down to begin kissing Danny’s neck and Danny’s hands roamed Sam’s shoulders and back, then up to toy with his hair. 

For the first time since they’d begun, Sam addressed you. “Isn’t he so hot?” he asked, glancing at you while he ran his fingers over Danny’s ribs. 

“Very hot,” you agreed; Danny blushed in response.

“Did you ever think about fucking him?” Sam continued. The question didn’t catch you off-guard, having expected to be a little scrutinized with all the build-up to this event. If nothing else, the conversation probably just made Sam even more turned on.

“Who hasn’t?” you replied. You had, not that you’d ever told Sam that. Not that Danny ever showed any interest. And not that Sam would have cared, you realized; on the contrary, you now knew he would have jumped at this opportunity much earlier. 

“I know, right?” Sam resumed pressing kisses to Danny’ neck, holding the side of his face; Danny nuzzled against his palm and that image made your heart swell. They adored each other so vividly and so overtly. 

“I’m surprised you’re okay with being watched, Danny,” you noted, feeling a little more apt to talking now that Sam had extended that olive branch. 

“I said I’d try it. For Sam,” Danny told you. Sam smirked against his skin and wiggled down to mouth against his chest. “I don’t mind, really. It’s just you.” 

“You like watching?” Sam inquired, peeking at you with his face still pressed against Danny’s chest, his cheek resting against his sternum.

“Yeah, it’s hot,” you said. You could feel your own body literally growing hotter by the second just watching, even more so when Sam finally brought one hand down to Danny’s crotch. Your breath hitched as Danny’s did too, and he arched up into Sam’s touch. 

“Just wait ‘til you see his dick,” Sam said, stroking Danny over his sweatpants. You could see the faint outline, impressively sized, not to your surprise. Sam brought himself to his knees and moved lower, bringing his fingers to the waistband of Danny’s pants. “It’s so big I can hardly take it.”

Your cheeks suddenly burned. “Jesus, Sam.”

Sam laughed. “What? It’s true!” 

“It is true,” Danny affirmed, putting both his hands on Sam’s head. “But you’re gonna take it tonight, right? Show Y/N how good you can be for me?”

You hadn’t, however, expected Danny to chime into the dirty talking. It seemed so out of character but it worked, and it had you rubbing your thighs together, starting to feel tortured. But you were going to try to keep up. “You let him fuck you, Sam?”

“Sure do. He’s fucking good at it too,” Sam said with a rough, low laugh. He pulled down Danny’s pants and that impressive dick was free, rock hard and looking heavy against Danny’s abdomen. You watched Danny close his eyes as Sam licked straight up his length, cradling his balls in one hand while the other was clenching tight around his hip. 

“Is Sam good at sucking dick?” you asked. Danny seemed to be enjoying it already, even with Sam just licking and jerking him off slowly.

Danny nodded, humming, and laced his fingers through Sam’s hair. “He’s so good at it. He knows just what I like. Why don’t you show her, Sammy?”

And Sam did, gripping the base of Danny’s cock to prop him up before he went down. Danny was big–the fact that Sam could take half in one go was impressive and you squeezed your thighs together harder, struggling more and more to figure out what to do with your own hands. Meanwhile, Sam knew what to do with his hands. He started to stroke Danny while he sucked and his other hand trailed up Danny’s body, palming at his chest before he slipped his fingers into Danny’s mouth. 

There was no music to curtail the sounds they were both making–Sam’s sloppy sucking and occasional gags, Danny’s muffled gasps and moans that turned to whimpers with Sam’s fingers in his mouth and his cock being worked over longer and harder. Maybe all of this should have been shocking. You never thought, not before all those pictures anyway, that Sam would go down on any man and you certainly never could have imagined you’d watch it happen, but the whole thing was far more arousing than shocking. It was like your brain couldn’t even acknowledge the surprise that should have been blatant, rather it was fixated on the pure pleasure Sam was giving to Danny and how it translated to you somehow, an invisible line connecting all three of you.

Forever, for sure. You’d have to take all of this to the grave.

Sam suddenly grunted and popped off, grinning at Danny with spit coating his chin. “Ouch, Daniel.” He turned to you. “He’s such a biter.”

You’d been too busy watching Sam going down on him to have noticed Danny chomping on his fingers. “I remember,” you said, voice just a tad wobbly which you hoped would go unnoticed. “From that picture. All those marks on your stomach.” You could still see faint pink remnants on Sam’s torso now.

“Mmm, yeah.” Sam jerked Danny off, a wet slick sound thanks to all the saliva he’d left behind, and kept his eyes on you while he asked, “Wanna watch him do it?”

You felt like you were about to burst despite no one touching you or touching yourself, but the idea of Danny doing that was too enticing to turn down. You also felt it was possible that such a long delay before your own ecstasy could make it all even more incredible. So you said yes and quickly Sam flopped onto his back, encouraging Danny to come to him with outstretched arms, but he had to wait a moment–Danny fumbled on the bed for a few seconds trying to get his pants all the way off and his struggle elicited a much-needed laugh from you and Sam.

“Stop laughing,” Danny protested with a final kick, sending the sweatpants to the floor. “Getting naked isn’t always like, a graceful thing.”

“You’re not as bad as Sam,” you assured him, and Sam shot you an insulted look. “He just tears everything off like an animal. No grace at all.”

“I like doing it for him,” Danny said. He kissed Sam on the mouth softly, deeply, and Sam’s arms circled his shoulders, bringing him even closer. You watched closely, glued to the chair, as Danny brushed Sam’s hair back and brought his mouth to his neck; you’d always loved kissing Sam’s neck, too. Would he make the same sorts of sounds when Danny did it? 

The soft sigh that Sam let out when Danny kissed along his throat was similar, yet still different. There was more desperation in that sound, especially when Danny carried on gently for another few moments before you saw him sink his teeth right in. Sam shuddered and clawed at Danny’s shoulders, and suddenly you were wondering what Danny’s mouth would feel like on you. 

“Yeah, Sam loves when I mark him up,” Danny purred, trailing his increasingly harsh and teeth-filled kisses down Sam’s torso. He stopped at Sam’s belly, his teeth pressing into the soft skin as he pulled down his shorts. Seeing Sam’s dick was nothing new for you, but when Danny abruptly grabbed Sam by the hips to toss him over, then lifted him onto his knees, that was an entirely new sight. 

Danny gripped Sam’s ass while he dove right in and took a bite into one cheek like he really was trying to eat him; Sam yelped and you gasped. It looked like it hurt–when Danny pulled back, there was already an angry red mark, but then Sam moaned and laughed a little.

“God, Sam. I didn’t know you were like this,” you remarked, perplexed and fascinated and so turned on that you had to sit right on top of your hands. “I’ve never seen you so–I don’t know. Submissive.”

“He’s a good boy for me,” Danny said, the words low and deep, and pet his hands up Sam’s sides. You could see that–Sam was perfectly pliant beneath Danny’s touch, like he was just waiting for whatever happened next, and so responsive to everything. Danny looked at you and his next question, though you’d been secretly waiting for it, nearly made you collapse out of the chair: “Wanna help him get ready?”

You balked for a moment, wide-eyed and so stiff from all the pent up excitement and curiosity. “Ready for–?”

Sam snapped his head to the side, peering at you sharply through his hair that had fallen into his face. “Ready to fuck me, obviously,” he snarked, but when Danny grabbed his hips hard and gave another bite to his ass, he quivered and his voice softened as he added, “Get over here, Y/N. We need you.”

That short sentence circled around in your mind, urging you to move but you felt like you couldn’t–the thought of getting up fully clothed to just wander over to what was happening on the bed seemed awkward and silly. Clearly your trepidation didn’t go unnoticed, because Danny was walking over to you, naked as the day he was born, and lifted you up. 

“Don’t be scared,” he said in your ear, pushing you onward while he stayed behind you, his erection unceremoniously pressing against your lower back. 

“I’m not scared,” you said, but you gasped again when Danny tugged at your pants and Sam was suddenly right in front of you yanking on the hem of your shirt. Helpless, you let them both strip you down to your bra and panties; Sam leaned back on his hands with a grin while you felt Danny move in even closer, his hands stroking your hips. 

“Is that okay?” Danny asked, his lips on your ear. 

“Yeah, sure,” was all you could say. You shivered when Sam reached one of his hands out to lightly press his fingers to the crotch of your panties. 

“It was really hot for you to watch,” Sam said, drawing a line down your thigh with one fingertip. “Danny was nervous about it. Performance anxiety, you know. But–” He leaned to the side to look behind you. “It looks like he’s doing just fine.”

You were feeling more relaxed–Sam was back to himself, at least momentarily, and Danny was keeping his touches gentle and tentative. “You guys look like you’re made for each other. It makes sense why we didn’t work out.”

Sam frowned a little. “I feel bad about that, Y/N. I didn’t even know how into Danny I was until, well, pretty recently.”

Danny gave a little snort. “Please. I think everyone but you could see it pretty clearly.”

Sam rolled his eyes before he sighed and looked back at you. “You should try kissing him,” he suggested, leaning back once more. “It’s totally serendipitous.”

You could imagine. You turned in Danny’s arms; he smiled at you so sweetly that you were wrapped up in his softness, not even realizing he was single handedly bringing you down to the bed to lie next to Sam. Then he was kissing you as tenderly as he’d smiled at you and you felt you understood what Sam must have been feeling while you’d been watching earlier–kissing Danny was like magic. 

You were feeling quite fulfilled just from making out and touching–Danny was so warm and so firm, his muscles taut beneath your fingers, his hair so soft–but then he was abruptly being pulled away from you. “Alright, back to business,” Sam commanded, yanking Danny away by his hair, to which Danny was grimacing and reaching up untangle Sam’s fingers. 

“Ha!” Danny exclaimed when Sam freed him. “You’re jealous.”

You’d never seen Sam jealous before, actually, but now that Danny was pointing it out, you could see it clearly–the darkness in his eyes beneath furrowed brows, the exaggerated slant of his cheekbones as he pouted, the flush on his cheeks. 

“You’re supposed to make it even during threesomes,” Sam said, looking from Danny to you then back again. Jealous or not, he was still hard, you noticed. “You have to divvy up the attention, Daniel and Y/N.”

“Fine,” Danny said shortly. “Then get on your knees again.” Instead of waiting even one second for Sam to do it himself, he grabbed his ankles and rolled him over again.

“Such a dom,” Sam said with a chuckle.

“God,” was all you could say, breathless at being involved now, not just witnessing. You needed to see more though and you were starting to understand your place in all this–you moved up to sit in front of Sam, lightly touching his face. “Hey, Sam–can I kiss you?”

He smirked at you, though you felt he had no right to when he was in such a vulnerable position, his ass quite literally in Danny’s face. “I thought you’d never ask,” Sam said, inching forward on his elbows, an image so ridiculous that you almost laughed. Instead, you brought your smile to his lips and kissed him for the first time in months–it should have felt ordinary but it didn’t. It felt brand new, strange and a little scary, made even scarier by the sudden popping sound that broke out from below.

You pulled away to identify the source, which was Danny squeezing lube onto his fingers. “Where’d you get that?” you asked, keeping your hands on Sam’s shoulders.

Danny chuckled, closing the cap of the bottle. “It was already on the bed.” With his dry hand he lifted a strip of condoms from the mattress and waved them around. “We came prepared.”

You grimaced; Sam and Danny both laughed. “Well, um–that’s good,” you said, but jeez. When had your ex-boyfriend and his best friend become such sex-crazed maniacs? It wasn’t the condoms or the lube–it was the fact that Sam was wiggling his hips back to Danny and Danny was squeezing one of his ass cheeks, anticipation evident on his face. 

“Are you good?” Sam asked, propping himself up on his knees to get directly in front of you, wrapping his arms around you.

“Yeah, uh, I’m very good,” you stammered, running a hand through your hair and nearly knocking Sam in the face in the process. “It’s just–a lot to process.”

Danny moved right behind Sam, holding him so you were all pressed together like an obscene panini. “Yeah, it is for us, too,” he said, resting his chin on Sam’s shoulders. “You’re the only one we’d wanna do this with.”

“Speak for yourself,” Sam said. “I’m keeping my options open.”

“You’re fucking rude, Sam,” you said, but all the distractions kept any real heat away from your voice. 

Sam laughed, that loud cackle that nearly made the walls vibrate. “I’m kidding, Y/N!” He grabbed your face and pulled you forward to plant a fast, harsh kiss to your mouth before he snapped back and said, looking over his shoulder at Danny, “Now let’s get this show on the road, big guy. Show her what you’re made of.” 

That certainly did set things in motion, with Danny moving swiftly to get Sam back down in front of you; Sam planted his face in your lap and grabbed your hips, hastily pulling your underwear down. You weren’t sure where to fix your eyes–at Danny kissing Sam’s spine and his arm moving vaguely below or Sam tossing your panties to the floor, then latching his teeth to your inner thigh.

You let out a flustered breath and unhooked your bra. “Since everyone else is doing it–”

Sam’s voice was faintly muffled with his face between your legs: “That’s the spirit.” Though it shouldn’t have, the swipe of his tongue up your center came as a surprise, but not as much of a surprise as the loud keen that came from him as Danny perked up behind him, looking at both of you. 

“Oh my god,” you uttered, trembling as you met Danny’s gaze. “Are you–”

“I’m getting him ready,” Danny answered as if it were the most ordinary thing in the world. When you straightened up a bit, you got a better peek at what Danny’s hands were doing–one was gripping Sam’s hip and the other was thrusting idly. “I gotta open him up.” He draped himself over Sam’s back, his own upper body long enough for his own dark curls to mix with Sam’s sleek chestnut hair. “How do you want it, Sammy? Nice and easy or hard and fast?”

Sam gave an upwards nod at you. “Whatever she wants to see.”

Being given a clear say in this matter triggered a need for vengeance that you hadn’t even known existed. “Hard and fast,” you told Danny. He looked a little surprised, eyes widening slightly and lips parting; you tugged Sam’s hair a bit to make him look up at you again. “I bet that’s how you really like it, isn’t it?”

Of course Sam wouldn’t give you the satisfaction of feeling like revenge was ever possible. He laughed softly and said, “I like it however Danny likes it.”

Danny pulled back. “Which just happens to be hard and fast,” he said, and you caught a glimpse of him thrusting his hand forward again and Sam let out a choked little whimper, then a bitten-back groan as Danny gave a shockingly sharp, hard smack to his ass. 

You had nothing to say to that. You simply tried to process what the hell was happening all around you once more, which was a good thing; you couldn’t exactly speak when Sam began nipping at your thigh and sliding two fingers inside of you. You kept your hands in his hair and fought the urge to close your eyes–you wanted to see as much as you could of Danny working his own fingers in and out of Sam and the way your ex-boyfriend’s body moved so sinuously with every motion. Sam pressed his tongue to your clit again, licking with impressive intention given the position he was in, while his soft grunts got muffled against your heat. 

“How’s that feel?” Danny asked, and you weren’t sure if he was asking you or Sam or both of you.

“Good,” you said at the same time Sam said, “Amazing.” He looked up with suspicion. “Just ‘good?’ Alright, guess I have to work harder.” He brought his face back down, lapping at your clit wetly while his fingers worked deeper and harder through your own wetness. You felt a little embarrassed at how you were already dampening the sheet beneath you but you couldn’t help it–this was by far the most wild and the hottest sexual experience of your life. It made you a little mad that Sam being a kind of shitty boyfriend had to be the lead up to it. 

Danny hummed. “So, Sam–think you’re ready?”

Sam nodded between your thighs, then looked up, his lips and chin shiny with your slick and his spit. “I’ve got an idea,” he began, lifting himself up and using your legs for leverage. “Get under me. That way, it’ll be like getting fucked by both of us.” He laughed a little, looking very satisfied with his own suggestion. “Except I'll still be getting fucked the way I want.” 

“Always about you,” you muttered, a futile sort of defense mechanism against this very bewildering idea. But Sam only pulled you down as much as he could, until you were halfway down the bed and halfway beneath him.

Danny, you could tell based on the crinkling sound, was getting a condom on; you watched him slip one to Sam, who wasted no time in tearing it open. His abdomen flexed as he stayed upright on his knees and rolled the condom over his own cock; you reached out to touch him, his body still so familiar. The onset of an ache, of wanting Sam so badly, began to override the ache for punishing him. Maybe all of this was an apology in and of itself. 

“I gotta get in you before he gets me,” Sam said. His voice was calm but his cheeks were vivid scarlet and sweat beaded on his hairline. You spread your legs and got your arms around his waist, both bringing him down to you and giving yourself some much-needed stability, and Sam slid into you like it was any other ordinary time, except for Danny’s hands looping around his chest and bringing his chin back to Sam’s shoulder. 

The slide was easy–probably far easier than Sam’s experience would be, you thought–and Danny watched while he sank his teeth into Sam’s skin, the swirling forest of his irises fixed on yours in a way that would have made you feel self-conscious if it weren’t for Sam overtaking you being so distracting. 

“God, you feel good,” Sam said quietly, giving a shallow thrust. That was enough to make you moan softly in response, gripping his middle more tightly. Your arms were brushing against Danny’s abdomen; Danny brought one hand to your forearm as if encouraging you both to keep going, so Sam did with a few more gentle shoves of his hips. As you were just getting used to the sensation of three bodies of increasing heat coming together, Sam’s cock sliding through your wetness and his hands squeezing your breasts, Danny shifted and Sam’s serene face turned to an open-mouthed, tense visage.

“That’s it, Sammy,” Danny encouraged. There was so much love in his voice that it made you feel loved too, though it was obvious in that moment he was wholly focused on Sam. Rightfully so. Sam responded viscerally not only with his facial expressions that only you could see, but with his voice, cursing softly and moaning low, and the full-body shudder that ran through him as Danny pushed forward. 

You could imagine it being a bit of a challenge to take Danny yourself; the fact that Sam could do it was actually a little amazing. “God, Sam,” you said, stroking his hair. The soft reverence emanating from Danny made you feel the same–this was an experience to be treasured no matter how it went. “This is so hot. You guys look really hot together.” 

“He feels so good. Literally so hot,” Danny said. He leaned over Sam again, making Sam push down on you, and subsequently into you, harder. Danny was fully in charge now, something you were entirely unopposed to–you watched, fascinated, as he began to move, his hands wandering over Sam’s chest and hips while he started to thrust. He built up a rhythm swiftly and easily, soon enough making Sam let out moans that became choked little sobbing sounds as Danny started to live up to expectations–he was fucking Sam hard and fast and you were on the receiving end of the last gyrations and echoes of his movements. 

You grabbed the back of Sam’s head, pulling him in to kiss. There was just barely enough room to snake your arm between the two of your bodies; your first two fingers made a V around the base of Sam’s cock, stroking him lightly before you brought them to circle your clit. Sam’s desperate moans were drowned out by your incessant kissing–you wanted to consume him like Danny did, or as close to it as possible.

Between pants and huffs of effort, Danny’s voice snaked through your ears: “Do you like it, Sammy?” he asked and you opened your ears, giving Sam some necessary air and giving yourself quite the view as you strained to the side. Danny’s thighs were flexing with each thrust and his hands had a stronghold around Sam’s hips; Sam was all wobbly limbs and flushed skin, his hands clamped on your shoulders. 

“Yeah,” was all Sam said. It was probably all he could say while Danny pounded into him. 

Danny’s eyebrows rose. “What was that?” You bit your lip as Sam’s face tensed, his eyes shut tight, and waited for Sam to respond, but he didn’t. He only moaned a little, quiet and subdued, then the tension was slashed to pieces by another hard smack against his ass. “Sam?” 

“Fuck!” Sam was explosive now with that one word, fucking himself back onto Danny and, subsequently, harder into you as he shifted back and forth. Words escaped you entirely as you just tried to ride through the dense waves, but Danny apparently had more.

“Tell Y/N how much you like this,” Danny demanded, yanking Sam’s head back by a fistful of hair, Sam squirming helplessly all the way. 

“Oh my god, I like it,” Sam let out breathlessly, trying to look back at Danny. With the additional space, you touched yourself again more freely. Your chest and stomach felt so tight, this huge buildup growing even more–the fear surrounding this was gone. The anticipation had been alleviated and the payoff was more than you’d ever imagined, because the image of Danny holding Sam’s hip while he pulled his hair, his lips roaming Sam’s neck, and Sam desperately trying to please both of you was the most incredible thing you’d ever seen. 

It was Danny's name that escaped your lips as you came, eyes shutting to dizzying blackness, shuddering violently beneath Sam and squeezing his cock tight inside you. Even in the throes of your own little explosion, you realized what you’d said and managed to say Sam’s name next, and reached for him with one hand. 

“Oh fuck, I like that too,” Sam said against your cheek, teeth then dragging down to your neck. “You coming around me while Danny fucks me. So fucking hot.” 

“Fuck, you guys–” you started to say, still out of breath, and tangled your fingers in Sam’s hair, trying to keep him close. “This is–wow. Are you close?”

“Sam’s ready to blow,” Danny answered, not showing any sign of slowing down. “He’s getting even tighter and–” He peeked down, then Sam gasped. “Yup, his balls are full. You gonna come for us, Sam?”

“Danny, where’d you learn how to dirty talk like this?” you questioned, genuinely flabbergasted by how easily the more easygoing, friendly and sometimes exceptionally shy and boyish side could give way to a man who was so in charge, so lustful, so commanding.

“He’s a secret slut,” Sam quipped, which got him another slap on the ass. He laughed a little, then you were caught in the dark again when he began to kiss you. Based on just that, it did seem like Sam was close–the kisses were getting sloppier, the stifled moans sharper, his hands squeezing your body harder. And when he did come, it wasn’t exactly what you were used to because Sam also moaned Danny’s name, both syllables whispered on your lips.

“That’s good, baby,” Danny cooed. Your vision was a bit fuzzy as you tried to look right at him, but you could see quite clearly how tenderly those big hands moved down Sam’s trembling back. The gentleness was short-lived–Danny went back into thrusting harshly, their muscles clashing against one another’s, Danny’s fingers raking down Sam’s sides. You’d never seen Danny come. Never thought you ever would. You thought that would be forever reserved for Sam now that they’d gotten together. So, enthralled once more, you stayed transfixed on him as he closed his eyes and lurched forward, his upper body hanging over Sam, his curls shielding parts of his face. But you could see the twitch of a brow and the parting of his lips, then the white teeth biting down, and then Danny let himself go entirely. He flopped down on top of Sam, who collapsed on top of you.

“Okay, jeez, you guys are heavy,” you noted after getting the wind knocked out of you. Sam stayed motionless, but Danny had the decency to get up. You turned your head to the side to watch him move off the bed, carefully roll the condom off himself and grab his pants from the floor. You considered asking him to stay naked because, well, why not? But then Sam groaned loudly, interrupting your thoughts.

“I’m gonna be so fucking sore tomorrow,” he declared, finally rolling off you, spreading out on his back; he stretched and you heard a crack come from somewhere. “Thanks, Daniel.”

Danny stepped over to pat Sam’s thigh. “You’re welcome.” He looked over at you. “How are you feeling?”

“I–” you paused, trying to find the right words, but first you needed to find your clothes again. Sam might have been comfortable living nude as often as he could, but you needed some sense of familiar security around you after all that. As you got redressed, you continued: “I felt many things during all that, honestly. It was kinda fun to see Sam getting wrecked.” Danny beamed at that, which almost made you laugh, which made Sam actually laugh. “I think you guys really are great together and I’m happy for you. But breaking up still really hurt.”

Danny gave a sympathetic frown then, his eyes becoming softer; Sam crawled over to your seat at the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry. I really am,” he said, sounding shockingly genuine. “I should’ve been a better boyfriend while I was still your boyfriend.”

“It’s okay, Sam, honestly,” you assured him, patting the arm that had wrapped around you. “It’s over and, really, it was fine. You were just in love with someone else. Better being in love with Danny than some random stranger or something.”

“Maybe if he’d told me sooner, we wouldn’t have ended up in that whole mess.”

Danny scoffed, planting his hands on his hips as he stood in front of both of you. “I sent you like, a million signals, Sam. You were pretty much the only person who didn't realize sooner.”

“It’s true,” you chimed in. “Looking back, Danny never really tried to hide anything.”

Sam sighed, then hopped off the bed and plastered himself against Danny’s side. “Okay, well, we didn’t hide anything tonight, did we?” He reached down and grabbed Danny’s crotch while kissing his cheek.

Danny hissed and slapped Sam’s hand away. “Too much too soon.”

“Never too much,” Sam replied, sneaking in another kiss, holding Danny close. “Never too soon.”

“Ugh.” You got to your feet, too. “Too much sappy romance for me.”

Sam cackled and grabbed your hand. “No, don’t leave. The night can’t end like this.”

“Yeah, we all at least need a few shots or a bowl or something,” Danny agreed with a sigh, running his fingers through his hair. “And a shower. Definitely a shower.”

“I get to go first,” Sam announced, breaking free and jetting out of the room, leaving you with a final image of his reddened ass, all thanks to Danny. 

So then it was just you and Danny standing in the middle of the bedroom where so many unexpected, wild and beautiful things had happened. You looked at the chair that you’d been sitting in, so unassuming, then to the disheveled bed, and Danny put one arm around your shoulders.

“Thanks for doing this, Y/N,” he said. “Sam still talks about you all the time. He really cares about you. I think he respects you a lot, too.”

“I’ll always care about him,” you told Danny. His touch was as comforting as your clothes, weirdly enough. You were starting to understand more and more why Sam was so smitten with him. “I care about you too, Danny.”

From the hallway, Sam shouted, “Do you care enough about me to let my boyfriend get in the shower with me?” 

Danny rolled his eyes while you laughed. “Okay, big guy,” you said, steering him out of the room. “You get in there while I get the drinks.”

---

Tagging no one (RIP my old fandom). If you'd like to be tagged in my fics, you can go HERE or DM me!

[imagineitdearies]

~ A Flawed Eternity ~

(AKA drabbles set in the Perfect Slaughter universe.)

In which Astarion and Halsin discuss intimacy.

~

Astarion was getting frustrated with himself. 

In the midst of one of the most heated embraces they’d had in a long while, his body pressed down over Tyrus’s lean frame on an actual bed, his hand entangled in those soft, snow-white locks, his erection rubbing against the seam of Tyrus’s thigh and groin—in the midst of heaven, Astarion’s thoughts dragged him back into hell. 

It was something so simple. Just Tyrus’s hands, already gripping his back and hip, squeezing a bit tighter. And then Astarion’s mind suddenly decided to translate the enthusiasm into obligation. 

All at once he felt used, dirty. Out of control. 

Objectively, he knew Tyrus expected nothing. Astarion was the one who had the inconvenient drive for sex, the one whose body quite physically yearned to touch and be touched like this by Tyrus with such a force he pushed himself into discomfort. But that knowledge didn’t stop the unsettling feeling chilling his spine now as he felt the grip pulling him closer. Like he’d once again become nothing more than a thing to be used.

Was he not allowed this anymore? Astarion silently lamented whilst kissing Tyrus harder in defiance. Did he not deserve both freedom and pleasure? Was this the gods’ petty punishment, some final penance for his supposed wrongs?

Fuck that, Astarion inwardly growled, and didn’t think further before he reached down, grabbed the grasping hand at his hip, and pinned it above Tyrus’s head.

Tyrus broke from their kiss, staring up at him with wide eyes as they both caught their breath. Clearly confused—though not frightened yet, at least.

Astarion let go of his wrist before that could change. Then pulled back entirely and faced slightly away from his partner, swallowing down a small portion of guilt. He hated being restrained, even for a moment, and Tyrus surely carried a similar sentiment. 

“A bad memory?” Tyrus said softly, as they had taken to asking each other.

If only it were that simple. 

“Let’s trance,” Astarion sighed. Throwing Tyrus a tired smirk, before nodding at their surroundings, “Who knows how long we’ll be invited back into this cozy little inn, after all.” Half-grateful, half-bitter when Tyrus didn’t press him further about the reaction, just held his hand with a bit more carefulness than usual as they tried to rest.

The following dusk he headed to the lapping river shore early, using the cloak in hopes to get a moment alone before Halsin showed up and they had another of their ‘talks’ prior to the night’s quests.

But Halsin was already there, to Astarion’s annoyance, trying and failing to skip stones whilst humming a tune under his breath.

“Waiting all day for me, darling?” Astarion teased as he approached, trying to shrug off his annoyance. “Good thing Cynda doesn’t seem the jealous type.”

Halsin turned and smiled at him. “Not at all. She has a voracious appetite herself,” he replied—and then let out a low chuckle at Astarion’s grimace.

The half-drow girl had somehow wormed her way into his affections with the same speed Tyrus once had, if in a sisterly way. While objectively he would support such a thing, Astarion felt how he imagined Tyrus would at the implication of her sexual exploits. And maybe a tad jealous, too, of how easy Halsin and Cynda’s affections seemed to be.

“Well, you two can make up for Tyrus and I, then,” he huffed, waving a dismissive hand before looking out at the vivid sunset.

“You seem bothered lately, every time you mention your relationship with him,” Halsin mused. “Why is that?”

Astarion felt his hackles raise, along with another flash of guilt. “Bothered? He is—we are—our relationship is the only good I hold claim to,” he sputtered. “It’s the reason we’re all free, alive—he’s wonderful, perfect, deserving of whatever he—” Astarion cut himself off when he realized Halsin wasn’t trying to argue. He let out a slow breath and finished, “If I’m bothered, it has nothing to do with him.”

Halsin slowly nodded. “Understood.” 

There was a minute of silence, the large elf managing a single skip from one of his four next stones before Astarion felt the urge to explain further. Half to defend Tyrus still—but also because, after the last few tendays, he’d found with some begrudgement it was helpful to get things off his chest. Allow them to be spoken, examined by an outsider, validated or questioned so he could articulate what he was feeling to himself.

“I told you we haven’t had sex since our freedom,” Astarion started eventually. “And I suppose that is beginning to bother me.”

Halsin paused mid-way through throwing a stone, raising a brow. “Have you talked more about it together?”

Astarion grimaced but nodded. “A little. He likes it but doesn’t need it—his sister must have stolen all his ‘voraciousness,’ I suppose, I didn’t think for years he’d even want to try it. But it’s me, who really wants to and keeps . . . stopping us. I did it again earlier today, before our trance.”

He paused, waiting for one of Halsin’s insightful questions or interjections, but the elf stayed silent. Just held out a smooth, flat stone for Astarion to take.

Astarion huffed but did, rolling the rock around again and again in his hands. The older elf at least knew how to pick the right ones for skipping, even if his execution was dastardly. 

Slowly, Astarion forced out the words, “I don’t want him to think about me in terms of sex. I don’t think I want anyone to . . . and I know of all people, Tyrus doesn’t want me for that, but every time we get more intimate the prospect of the act itself clouds my reasoning. I feel used, like my body is being exploited, even though I know rationally otherwise. I was the one who initiated it!” he finished with a bitter laugh. 

Halsin hummed. “Do you feel the same when you masturbate?”

Astarion felt his insides jolt in fear, for some reason. “I lived as a sex slave for nearly a century,” he growled, barely resisting the temptation to throw the rock in his hands at Halsin instead. “Why in the Hells would I be doing that?”

“Self-pleasure can be a very healing thing,” the elf replied in that sage, even tone of his, unbothered by Astarion’s blunt words or scathing tone. It made Astarion wonder a lot of things about the elf’s background.

“I don’t—” Astarion sputtered, then recovered, “There’s nothing about sex that feels like pleasure anymore. Not unless it’s with him.”

Silently, he questioned his own words. Nothing about the sexual acts he performed for and with his victims for Cazador had given him any sort of pleasure, after the first few years of doing it. Hells, even kissing felt like a burden until it was with Tyrus. But seeking pleasure alone?

Cazador had found him the last time he tried, Astarion remembered with a sudden nausea. Which explained his initial fear at Halsin’s question. It was a hazy, old memory his mind clearly didn’t want to hold onto—but in investigating the pieces of it that remained, the bastard’s words came through much too clear: “I always knew you were a slut, boy, but a deviant too? If you’re so desperate for it, then . . .”

“Astarion?”

He blinked, realizing he had been staring ahead at nothing, white-knuckling the stone. “I don’t think it would be any fun, for me,” he recovered in a hoarse voice, trying and failing to smile.

Halsin didn’t respond right away. The older elf spent a minute looking around for more stones to throw, leaving Astarion to recover from the harrowing memory in silence. 

Finally, once he’d gathered a handful, Halsin nodded at Astarion and said, “You might be right—especially at first. But there’s a lot of things you two have and do, that you’ve said used to be triggering or considered impossible. Perhaps this is another thing you might . . . reclaim, in a sense.” When Astarion just frowned, the elf added, “And it might help you feel more comfortable with your body in the future, if you want to try engaging in sex with Tyrus again.”

Sex with Tyrus. Truly, Astarion had gone too long without it. Just the words brought up a dozen delicious memories—the dual sensation of Tyrus kissing at his neck and kneading hands into his ass, the little whimpers that left Tyrus’s parted lips when Astarion gave him pleasure, the warm tightness of him encompassing Astarion’s cock, that last time—and Astarion had to look away, glad he couldn’t blush and that Halsin would have no way of knowing his cock had just twitched in his trousers.

Back when Cazador caught him, Astarion had just been trying to self-soothe and give himself one small good thing in the midst of hell. When he and Tyrus were intimate, it felt like a way of giving each other comfort or providing distraction from their terrible reality. Even a method of cleansing himself of what he did on other nights without Tyrus.

But now? He was simply desperate, just like Cazador used to goad him about. 

The smallest look, word, or action could have been used against him—pointed to as signs of interest, framed as evidence to why he’d asked for whatever torture happened next. Nine years ago, just failing to hide his benign interest in the drow had earned them one of Astarion’s worst punishments to date.

His desire, perceived or real, had always been used and weaponized against him. 

Maybe that was what made it still feel like a dirty, dangerous thing now.

Astarion distracted himself from all the painful realizations with an insult: “You really have no idea what you’re doing, do you?” he huffed, watching another of Halsin’s stones plunk into the water.

Halsin chuckled. “Ganyl’s given me pointers, but I wouldn’t mind a few more.”

Technically, Astarion had only tried out this pastime once on a slower night in Rivington—but his accuracy had yet to fail him in most things. “Step aside, darling,” Astarion smirked, lifting the rock and getting into position.

He threw it with unerring form. Astarion’s smirk broke into a true smile as they watched it skip along the surface of the calm waters, something close to four dozen times before the stone sank just a few meters off from the opposite shore.

Halsin made a low whistle, shaking his head. “I’ll keep practicing,” he said around a hearty laugh.

Astarion gave one more smirk before dusting his hands off his trousers, turning to go.

But the older elf was never one to leave him without some call to action, in the six times they’d met thus far. “Will you consider the idea?” Halsin asked behind him. When Astarion paused, glancing over his shoulder, he continued, “It doesn’t have to be a specific act, or with an end goal in mind, you see. Self-pleasure can mean a lot of things.”

Like what? Astarion wanted to ask. But he had a bit too much pride still, to admit to just how lacking his knowledge was in this area. “If I ever get a moment alone with all this ‘infiltrating the Gauntlet of Shar’ talk, perhaps,” he conceded with a huff.

A thrill of both fear and anticipation shot down his spine, however, as Astarion walked away. He knew if he tried to touch himself and keep his mind blank, his thoughts would end up crowded with a thousand terrible memories. But if he could manage to fill his mind with only what he wanted to do—be with Tyrus, at least in his imagination . . .

Then Astarion might look forward to a bit of alone time, soon.

[siriusthoughts]

Meta on Bellatrix's loyalty

I was thinking about how Bellatrix's loyalty and demeanor towards Voldemort are so in contrast with the rest of the Death Eaters and it's such an interesting dynamic group-wise. Death Eaters are essentially a Slytherin group and we can clearly see their members displaying Slytherin qualities, especially in denying their loyalty towards Voldemort after he wasn't the biggest bully on the playground anymore as Sirius had put it, to save themselves from Azkaban.

While Voldemort repeatedly praises those Death Eaters who remained loyal to him, he doesn't really show any difference in treatment (or at least we as the readers don't see it) besides breaking them out of Azkaban and talking about how they will be "honoured beyond their dreams". The thing is though, his actions speak otherwise.

Riddle is a Slytherin first and foremost and in the end, he seems to appreciate what others can offer him more than acts of loyalty for loyalty's sake. I think Snape's taunting of Bellatrix in HBP where he referred to her Azkaban stay as s "gesture (was) undoubtly fine" and commented how she couldn't offer much else but memories of Azkaban and how Voldemort came to appreciate Snape remaining close to Dumbledore, is very on point with how Voldemort might think. In the same way, Lucius' wealth and status are convenient to him and he even puts him in charge of the Department of Mysteries operation. Overall, not only we don't see the Death Eaters who got away after the first war punished, but we also don't see them treated much differently than the loyal ones besides a few reprimanding words in GoF. I imagine this would cause tension and resentment within the group but in the end everyone will bow down to Voldemort anyway.

Bellatrix, however, stands out even among those loyal Death Eaters. I don't think it's because she's necessarily that much more loyal than others who also didn't denounce Voldemort at their trials but because of her demeanor. In all her interactions with Voldemort there's just so much feeling, she leans closer when talking to him, blushes and sheds tears of joy when he praises her and is overall incredibly passionate about him and his cause. She would die for him and considers it an honor to be able to offer a son into his services even if it means the son would die. And while I do believe Voldemort cares for her in his own way and appreciates her qualities, he also doesn't even remotely match her devotion. It's obviously not meant to be an equal relationship in any way, but the way he doesn't hesitate to publicly humiliate her in DH with Tonks and Lupin's wedding and lets the other Death Eaters laugh at her, makes it seem almost as if he doesn't really value her that much compared to for example Snape, who he treats with much more respect. (He does save her in the Department of Mysteries, but she's the only Death eater in the near vicinity he can conveniently grab and disappear without having to go through Dumbledore.)

I've always found it interesting how misplaced, mocked and misunderstood Bellatrix's sentiment, feeling and loyalty are among the Death Eaters. We do see other Death Eaters worshipping Voldemort of course, but Bellatrix seems to be only one to do so out of genuine affection. I think canon supports the fact that Voldemort approaches feelings on a very cognitive level and is able to then use that knowledge to manipulate others but deep down he doesn't seem to truly get it. I think he understands and relates himself to Snape much more than he ever does with Bellatrix and thus respects him more. Of course, in the end he finds out he didn't really get him either.

My point is that while Bellatrix on paper is a perfect Death Eater, she's actually a bit of an outlier in the group with a few very non-Slytherin-like qualities that clash with how transactionally Voldemort approaches relationships.

(and don't get me started on the parallels between her and Sirius)

[your-phantomfield]

TSUBAKI = YAYOI

i .. ii .. iii circa 2198 for @nkn0va

Dating Tsubaki Yayoi...

I.

Tsubaki grew up sheltered and incredibly lonely; an only child in a house that should have been full with her siblings, a cloistered princess in the garden of a radically conservative family. Even as she grew, her status and conviction pushed many away, leaving her with precious few friends.

All of this is to say, Tsubaki has so, so much love to give, and desperately wants to connect with someone. As a lover, her heart is tremendous.

From the moment you start dating, Tsubaki approaches your relationship as a lifelong partnership. Even if you two were to ever break up, you’d have to do something truly terrible to ever lose her as a friend. Once she loves you, she’ll love you all her life.

II.

She’s actually very shy.  She might initiate a little teasing, and she’s constantly admiring you, so compliments are given freely and often- but touch is complicated for her.  Hand holding, hugging, kissing, cuddling, that’s just not the way she was raised.  The Yayois don’t really hug.

This isn’t to say that she doesn’t enjoy physical affection- honestly, it’s one of the fastest ways to break her composure. She gets flustered quickly.

It’s just that unless you’re into a real slowburn, you’ll have to be the one to initiate most of what we’d consider ‘normal’ relationship activities.  Do go for it, though.  She is so touch starved.  Pet her head and watch her stutter.  Hug her, especially from behind, and catch the exact moment her heart stops completely.

Maybe go a little easy on her, though.  Everything she knows about romance comes from the historical dramas she loves to watch, or poets like Natsume Soseki, infamous for arguing that saying “I love you” directly was much too forward for Japanese sensibilities.  Her media consumption (and the daydreaming it’s inspired) has left her with a kind of 'storybook' idea of how these things work.

III.

Tsubaki does instigate affection- just, in her own way. She approaches those she loves gently. Where another lover might go for a hug or kiss, Tsubaki expresses the same sentiments by brushing dust off your shoulder, adjusting your clothes- or your hair, if she’s feeling incredibly intimate.

Her desire to be near you is expressed by taking care of you. She loves how you look, and she wants everyone to see you as she does, so she encourages you to look your best. If she could wash your hair or your back, that would be the most romantic thing in the world to her.

Her default as a caretaker can lean a little into her starting to nag you, though. Even if you’re in public, if you end up with some food on your face, she’s going to try to wipe it off. She’ll be horribly embarrassed once she realizes what she’s done, and she will apologize- but is she really that sorry? She can't help herself. She thinks you’re cute and she loves to be needed.

IV.

Tsubaki sees a relationship as a partnership. She sees so much good in you, and so much potential for even more amazing things. As far as she’s concerned, you could move mountains if you wanted to. So she wants to do everything in her power to make sure you’re living as your best self- and she really appreciates it if you can offer her the same push.

As mentioned above, this can manifest in some arguably annoying ways; she’s always reminding you to sit up straight, to speak clearly, to apologize less, not to procrastinate, etc.

On the more positive side of things, you will never meet someone more genuinely invested in your life. Tsubaki remembers every interest you share with her, and asks about them often. She wants to know what you did during the day, what you plan to do during the week. Even for hobbies she doesn’t understand, she’ll do her best to learn the lingo and keep an eye out for any events you might be interested in. Any project you’re working on, no matter how trivial you may consider it, she’ll be genuinely excited to see how it goes.

There's a bit of a cute double standard here, actually. Even though she thinks its obvious that she'd be interested in your hobbies, she finds it hard to believe that you would be interested in hers. Even the confident Tsubaki can get a little anxious sometimes. If you offer her some of that same investment and encouragement, she thinks you're some kind of saint.

V.

Speaking of her hobbies. Did you know she loves to paint? She may want to keep this to herself for some time, assuming you wouldn’t be interested in her silly little hobby, but she will eventually set out to paint something specifically for you. Something heartfelt, something connected to good memories. Maybe a landscape of a place you’ve gone on a date, or just somewhere special to you.

More than anything else, she’d love to paint you. She spends a lot of time admiring you and thinking about how she’d do it; where she’d start, what colors to use or mix, what background would suit you the best.

Of course, this can be a difficult ask. I don’t know if you’ve ever been on display like that, but the mutual awareness of the fact that she’s staring at you, taking in every detail, for so long, can be a vulnerable thing for both parties involved. And even then, she’d feel so bad for asking you to stay still, probably bored out of your mind, for the hours it would take to give your portrait the consideration it deserves.

When she does finally paint you, it’s the most romantic date she could ever dream of- and though she probably won't ever tell you, she has been dreaming of it.

She’ll chat with you quietly, teasing a bit if you seem embarrassed. Despite all her worrying before the event, she’s in her element here. You look amazing, and she knows that, so it’s adorable (and quite funny) to see you unsure of such an obvious truth.

VI.

Tsubaki has always imagined a certain path for her future. She would fall in love. Get married. Have children. Raise another generation to do good in the world, and never be lonely again.

Meeting you only strengthened that image. Now there was a face to imagine at the altar. Someone's taste to consider as she fine tuned the wedding in her head. Whether or not you and Tsubaki could have children together in our time, by the BlazBlue era there are numerous magical aids for family planning, and she often wonders about what kind of parent you'll be.

This is something she's always wanted.  This is something she's looked forward to.  Something she's proud she can promise you.  A bright future.

VII.

Of course, her status as a member of the Yayoi family presents some difficulties.  Dating any member of the Duodecim means entering into a life of court politics and all the manipulation and animosity that entails, even if you’re already coming from a high status family.  This is the top of the top.  And if you aren’t coming from a high status family, there are questions about your suitability at every turn.

And then there’s the main issue for a Yayoi. Tsubaki’s father still firmly believes in their family’s tradition, the Yayoi family’s pride; the Yayoi family are excellent with Ars Magus. They marry specifically to ensure that the next generation is just as exceptional as the last.

Raised in this mentality from her birth, Tsubaki does believe in her family traditions wholeheartedly. Her interpretation of things are shockingly innocent, though. She sees you in the best possible light all the time. Anything you enjoy, anything you’re skilled in, she sees as an exceptional talent. Who could be more worthy of the family name than you? Any hobbies you have related to physical activity prove your health and strength, any mental or artistic hobbies prove your genius.

Regardless of your skill in Ars Magus, in the absolute worst case scenario where her father is… hesitant, to accept you, she is willing to argue him on this one thing. The NOL themselves have asked that the Yayois loosen up on their marriage criteria over the past few generations, and it’s obvious to her that you are an incredible match who would honor the Yayoi legacy. She just needs to explain it to her father. She’s positive he will understand.

VIII.

Most of these are set in the year 2198, before Calamity Trigger.  But let's take a moment to jump ahead one year.  To 2199.  The year she received the hardest mission of her life.  The year she picked up the Izayoi.

The moment the weight of the Izayoi settles into her hands for the first time, that bright future she longs to share with you becomes clouded.

She goes to see you before she heads for home to retrieve the Izayoi. Before she starts her mission.

One last careless, happy day together before she'll have blood on her hands. Before the nightmares of a confidential mission she'll never be allowed to tell you about. One last look at your perfect, smiling face before she may never be able to see it again.

[project1939]

200 Films of 1952

Film number 161: Breaking the Sound Barrier (aka, The Sound Barrier)

Release date: Dec 6th, 1952 

Studio: London Film Productions/British Lion Films 

Genre: drama 

Director: David Lean 

Producer: David Lean 

Actors: Ralph Richardson, Ann Todd, Nigel Patrick, John Justin 

Plot Summary: J.R., a wealthy British airplane manufacturer, helped design a jet engine that makes breaking the sound barrier possible. A brilliant test pilot is chosen for the first flight, but he is also J.R.’s son-in-law. J.R.’s daughter Sue is frantic with worry over her husband’s safety, and she cannot understand why his life must be put into such danger. 

My Rating (out of five stars): ***¾  

This is an early David Lean film made just a few years before he became a superstar with The Bridge on the River Kwai, Lawrence of Arabia, and Doctor Zhivago. This is a much smaller and simpler film than those, and if you hadn’t told me Lean directed this, I don’t think I would have guessed. Overall, this was enjoyable, and it definitely had its thrilling moments, but my main problem with it was the balance between the thrilling moments in the air and the family drama on the ground. (some spoilers!)

The Good: 

Ralph Richardson as John/J.R. His performance was very moving. For the first ¾ of the film, it was easy to believe he was just a cold unemotional man with a laser focus on work. As the plot unfolds, it slowly becomes apparent that it is absolutely not the truth. The script lays most of the burden to communicate this on Richardson, and he runs with it. 

Ann Todd as Sue. I immediately liked her- she wore very little makeup throughout, she had a wit about her, she was pretty in a fresh appealing way, and she didn’t completely succumb to the “Hollywood Good Wife Syndrome.” She caught a case of it, for sure, but thankfully it wasn’t deadly.  

Nigel Patrick as Tony, Sue’s test pilot husband. He was dashing, charming, and very likeable. 

The highlight of the movie was all the exciting flying scenes. There were several of them, and most were either real or highly convincing. They were edited and paced well to draw you in and keep your eyes glued to the screen. 

There were lots of real locations used and actual flying footage. It didn’t feel like a soundstage film. 

The orchestra in the background was fantastic. I enjoyed the score as well, but the orchestra itself sounded so beautiful I had to remind myself a couple of times to actually watch the movie and not just listen to it. 

The emotional complexity of J.R. As I mentioned when I discussed Richardson, I think the actual heart of the movie is this story arc. Because of Richardson’s performance and the delicate way it was written and shot, it was very affecting. 

The traumatic plot twist about 1 hour and 20 minutes in. I did NOT see it coming, and when it did, I kept writing “No! No! No!” in my notes. It was a very brave choice to make at that particular time within the film. In most films an event of this kind would either happen near the beginning or near the end. There was still 35 minutes of runtime in this. I give that plus marks for the uniqueness and audacity, and I think it ultimately made the film more powerful. 

I liked the relationship that developed between J.R. and Tony, his son-in-law. The way they became close tugged at my heart-stings, and yet the film never really veered toward the sentimental.

The Bad: 

Erasing Chuck Yeager from history! Now, I am no aviation expert, but even going into this film, I could have told you that American Chuck Yeager was actually the first person to break the sound barrier. How did I know that? From a movie, of course! 1983’s The Right Stuff! 

The film had a difficult time explaining why breaking the sound barrier was important. It seemed very hesitant to talk about the Soviets or Communism, or anything to do with the military. That was frustrating, especially when Sue was desperately trying to understand it herself. 

This movie was a mixture of a family drama and an adventure/thriller, and it didn’t work as well as it could have. The balance between the two was off for me- I think too much time was spent on family stuff, and not enough on the actual flying. I appreciated that it didn’t just half-heartedly cram in a little bit of family stuff, which is what most adventure films do, but it may have swung too far to the other side. 

Wow, the movie certainly believed baby boys were better than baby girls! It was deemed hugely important that Sue give birth to a boy.  

Women in the film were minimized in other ways- all of them were housewives who worried while the men went off to do important manly things. HOWEVER, this film gets a lot of points for making characters like Sue and Jess fairly well rounded. Neither of those women were just sweet little pushovers. Sue also appeared to have been in the Service at some point.

Oh god, more East Asian racism! It’s thankfully been quite awhile since this kind of “humor” has reared its disgusting head in my 1952 watchlist, but this was one of those horrible “Chinaman” jokes told for “comedic relief.” The less said, the better. 

There was a pretty clunky scene that used Sue as a conduit for the probable aeronautic ignorance of the audience. It briefly became an educational film that spelled things out like a mini-lecture on what the sound barrier actually was, the requirements for breaking it, and the dangers of doing so. It was helpful for me to have some things explicitly explained, but as a scene it felt awkward and contrived. It also seemed dubious that Sue would've been totally ignorant of this.

[remyfire]

Okay, so, lot of thoughts about the BJ vs Trapper thing. First, you were absolutely correct, I am a Trapper girlie deep down, but BJ stole my heart within only a few minutes. Trap might just barely win as my favorite, but I think it's because watching those first three seasons made me fall fully in love with the show. So if he is my favorite, it's more sentimentality reasons rather than being a better character or partner to Hawkeye, you know?

While watching both Preventative Medicine and Period of Adjustment, I did realize that BJ and Hawkeye butt heads more often than Trap and Hawk. The show made that very clear to see. But that being said, I don't think it's a bad thing. Trap was definitely more of an enabler, and I think sometimes Hawkeye does need someone to bring him back down to earth. Trapper was also much more pessimistic than BJ seems to be, and I think it's good for Hawkeye to have someone to help pull him out of his spirals a little easier when he starts to get too deep. Again, not that Trap was unable to do that, but I think BJ has a slightly more positive view on things than Trapper did. But at the same time, having someone with that easy friendship where you can think the same thing without even speaking like Trapper and Hawkeye had can be so nice. They were often so in sync with each other, and I think having someone feel and think the same way also helped Hawkeye feel less alone over in Korea.

Regarding both of them knocking Hawkeye away, I think a bit of a disservice was done to BJ by making his episode and moment a bit heavier than Trapper's. When Trap whacked Hawkeye with that bag, it was played much more as a joke. When BJ blew up, it fell more on the drama side of the show. So regardless of my personal feelings, I do think both of these scenes would be seen very differently if they were both played in the same tone. As it stands, having BJ's lean away from the comedy made it feel much more charged than Trapper's, even if the overall situation is the same for both of them.

Personally, this doesn't take away any of my love for BJ. It gives him nuance and depth. We hear him talk about missing his family, but this is the first time we really *see* it have an effect on him. And while I do wish he would have directly apologized to Hawkeye, I think that was an extra layer of his emotional onion that he was just not able to peel back at that time. Even though he didn't say the words, I think he showed his remorse by opening up to Hawkeye, going to him for comfort, helping him rebuild the still. I still think Hawkeye deserves a real apology for being hurt like that, but I think he also knows that BJ feels bad and didn't truly mean to hurt him. That being said, I think he also deserves an apology from Trapper, but Hawk and Trap's relationship was always a bit less explicitly emotional than BJ and Hawkeye's has been.

Also, this may all be sentimentality speaking. There are two scenes I remember the exact wording of from when I watched this show as a kid so many years ago, and one of them is "You know what I did today? I hit the best friend I ever had." And even the first time I saw that, even without knowing their full backstory, that line spoke to me so much that I've remembered it all these years. I remembered the pain in BJ's voice when he said it, the tears in his eyes, the way he looked at Hawkeye when he spoke. To me, it showed the depth of their friendship, even without the several seasons of backstory. It told me that BJ cared, and he felt remorse, and also had a kind of love for Hawkeye that I only hoped people could have for me. Like I said, it may be sentimentality speaking, but I think that was a hugely powerful scene.

All this to say: I don't think it affects my love or BJ or him and Hawkeye as a ship. It's definitely a tough episode to watch, and I think it's also a hurdle they might have to work a little to get past, but personally it made no difference for me in my enjoyment of his character. All it did for me was add more depth to BJ, show me his experiences of the horrors of war, and make him more of an interesting character. And thank you for posing such a question! It was definitely in line with the hints of a thought I had on my own after watching this episode, and it was very fun to delve deeper in and really analyze what I thought and why I thought that. And of course I could probably go on further, because I clearly love talking about these boys. But thank you for the question and thank you for sharing your thoughts too!

Hi anon, you said all of this so articulately that I am honestly struggling to come up with an in-depth response because I am just sitting here chin-handsing and thinking about all three of our boys with very, very large emotions. You and I really do seem to be like-minded regarding quite a bit about how we absorbed these experiences and let them coalesce into the wider narrative and relationships therein.

So instead I'm just going to think about how after the war, what this means is that all three of them are going to [I am hooked and removed from the stage]

[bluestsdays]

her breathing slows entirely as his thumb swipes against her cheek, wiping away the tears that linger there. its tenderness leaves her reeling, practically bursting at seams with love and affection, so much so that she’s afraid she might say something stupid out loud, tell him just how much she still loves him, how it’s never gone away for her. instead, she merely listens, the sentiment behind his words leaking into all those cracks created by everyone else who’s disappointed her, tonight. he gives her permission to feel however she wants, to know that it was okay to feel that way, to be upset, that she’s safe here, with him, no matter what. that she’s not a burden, tucked beneath his arms. thinks she could melt beneath his gaze, all that previous pain becoming a little fuzzier, its edges a little less sharp. fuck, what she would give to lean in and kiss him right now, a thought she probably makes obvious with how her gaze falls to his lips, lingering there a little too long before returning to his eyes, absorbing his words, the sincerity laced within, nodding to signal that she heard him. i love you i love you i love you is all that’s running through her brain, and she wants to say it out loud, the words burning a hole in her tongue, but she swallows the smoke and embers, instead pressing herself against him further as he draws soft shapes against her back, her spine sparking with electricity, the skin beneath his fingertips buzzing. her tears dry up long enough for her to let out a soft chuckle— he was the only person who could draw genuine laughter from her at a time like this, who could make any of this feel even slightly okay, again. “ shit, i hope there’s no interest added onto that bill or i’ll be in debt forever, because you’re never getting them back. ” most of them were covered in paint, now, tucked away in a special place only she could find, along with the one she still hasn’t washed, hoping to preserve the smell of him for as long as possible. head lifts, then, to look at him once more, nothing but sheer admiration written all over her features. he made her a priority, tonight, just like he always did. “ you really came all this way for me, hm ? just for me to cry on you, ” she teases, trying to forget, to just focus on this moment with him, before he’s gone. and there’s a million other questions that flood her mind then, wanting to ask if eden knew, if she cared, if they fought, too, if he felt just as alone as she did in a relationship with someone else. now wasn’t the time, though, instead tugging his hand into her own once again, intertwining their fingers together, thumb running along his knuckles. “ i always need you. but i can’t have you for that long, can i ? ” it’s whispered quietly, yet she finds herself shaking her head, then, already knowing the answer to that question. “ just means a lot to me that you’re here, that i’m lucky enough that you still care. think that’s all i really need, anyway. ” just him, admiring her art— it didn’t need any other audience, no pedestal, just his gaze. that was a gift in itself. “ you’re too good to me, too good for me, always have been, ” she whispers, unable to stop her own gaze from falling down to his lips, the desire to kiss him entirely overwhelming. she withholds, though, even if it’s killing her, just to ask something that’s probably just as stupid, but, nonetheless. “ want to walk me home ? promise i won’t cry anymore. ”

his chest tightens as he feels the wetness from her tears seep through his shirt, arms securing around her in a similar way, as he holds her. the embrace is a silent promise of comfort and protection— a bastion against the storm of emotion that's crashing through her, a reminder that he's here, that she isn't alone; not now, not ever. he finds that he wallows in her hurt, too, a quiet anger bubbling in his veins, aimed towards the people in her life that have her feeling like this, so misunderstood, undervalued. and it stings, just to see, that it chases her, even on a night like tonight. a night that should be filled with celebration, merriment. fletcher's carelessness has left a sour taste in his mouth, one that's hard to ignore, the longer he stews on it, as he feels her tremble against him, witness the hunch in her shoulders, the hitch in her breath. hates that she feels the need to apologise for it, for feeling no hurt by it, as if it’s her fault, their neglect, as if she needed to be sorry for it. and he knows now isn’t the time to bring up his dislike for the other, for her parents, making her feel this small, unable to see her art, her, for what she is— beautiful, talented, kind. the type of person he only wishes he could be more like. but his role here, now, is to soothe the ache she faces, not worsen them, which is why he gives her all the time she needs, sitting here quietly with her, so she knows she’s not alone, that she never will be, not with him. when she pulls away, he allows her the space she needs, though the urge to keep her there, shielded from harm’s way, is strong, to never let her go again. his eyes search hers, filled with gentle concern, as she speaks, head shaking as his hand shifts to her cheek, thumb wiping away the tears that have gathered at the flesh there; a touch that speaks volumes of his care, for her. “ you’re not stupid, dev, ” voice isn’t much louder than a whisper. “ you’re not a burden, either. never have been, never will be, okay? ” because he can hear that underlying her words, that she’s asking too much, burdening others, by hoping they’d be here tonight, a sensation he knew all too well. “ he should’ve been here tonight, to support you— it should’ve been a priority, ” it’s quiet, subtle, the venom, disappointment, that’s laced in the undercurrent of those words. find’s difficulty in it, too, talking with her about her current relationship, but he does, will, if that’s what she needs from him, right now. “ your parents, too. i’m sorry they’re not here tonight, either. they should be— i wish they could appreciate how talented you are, ” and as she moves to rest against him once more, he pulls her in closer again, palm of his hand finding her lower back, rubbing small circles against it with his fingertips. “ don’t worry about me, okay? it’s fine, really. i want to be here for you, so if there’s anything i can do, let me know, yeah? you’ve got me, for as long as you need me, ” pauses briefly, unable to resist teasing her, to lighten the mood in the slightest. “ as for my shirt, i’ll add it to your bill, hm? for all my missing ones you owe me, anyway. ”

[lovebandit42069]

Heehee did the fun little ship meme for my main self ship

Had to edit the original since it was for ships that only involve two people (and also to change the bug killing one to bug releasing) and included a transparent version of the edited base for those that may want it!

Ignore the awful grey outline that he preview has, the actual full resolution template doesn't have it idk what tumblr's doing

I'm gonna include a little explanation for everything under a read more for anyone that might be interested! (It's incredibly long so no worries if it's too much for y'all to want to read lmao)

Please do not interact with this post/my blog if you: - Are a minor - Are a proshipper - Self ship romantically with Shou, Hizashi and Nem

General

Genders: I haven't really thought too hard about my headcanon genders for Shou, Hizashi and Nem so I just went with the canon for them. Crash is Canonically Agender.

Sexualities: I'm bisexual so I like to headcanon all of my favs as bi too 🥰

Heights: Pretty straight-forward I think, I like to make most of my S/I's the same height as me and Crash was no exception (why is everyone taller than me fuck my LIFE !!!!!!!!)

Ages: Same as heights, used everyone's up to date canon ages

Sliding Scale Section

Big Spoon - Little Spoon: I feel like Shou and me would share the same sentiment of not really minding either way/switching between the two while Nem is similar but leans more towards being the little spoon and Hizashi is Very Much the little spoon because he's the tallest of the group and I think that'd be funny/cute Lends Clothes - Borrows Clothes: I don't think any of us would necessarily borrow clothes from each other (also Crash is fat and short so I don't think its clothes would fit anyone LMAO) so I just kept everyone in the middle for this one Doesn't Use Pet Names - Uses Pet Names: Uses Pet Names: Bro you KNOW Nem and Hizashi fucking love pet names!! Crash likes pet names but feels like they sound super awkward when it says them but it'll still try. I don't think Shou would never use pet names but is probably a bit more conservative with using them himself. Introverted - Extroverted: Pretty self explanatory if you know the characters, me and Shou being very much introverted while Nem and Hizashi are on the other end of the spectrum being very much extroverted Affection Through Words - Affection Through Actions: Shou and Hizashi have both exhibited actions that lead me to believe they'd canonically show affection with both words and actions. Nem I imagine would be the same way just because I'm being self indulgent lmao. I'm the same way IRL so Crash gets to be too <;3 Confesses First - Waits For Confession: While all four were pining for each other Crash, Hizashi and Shou were the ones that were completely obvlious of everyone else's pining leaving Nem to be the one to finally initiate the relationship (sorry nem lmao) Screams About The Bugs - Releases Bug Outside: Hizashi is canonically entomophobic (afraid of bugs) meanwhile I imagine Shou, Crash and Nem wouldn't be as much. Drives The Car - Can't Drive: We've seen Hizashi drive in canon and while we've seen Shou in cars multiple times he's never once driving (I don't think??) so I like to imagine he doesn't know how/feels like it's not terribly important due to having a good amount of mobility on his own. Crash likes to walk to places it can but learned how to drive for the times when it's gotta go somewhere that isn't walkable/if it's not feeling the idea of walking. Nemuri strikes me as someone that would rather drive than walk somewhere and learned to drive to necessitate that. Can't Cook For Shit - Makes Dinner: We see Shou eating protein jelly packs more than anything else and while that's not indicative of him not being able to cook (he's just being ~rational~) I feel like he's someone that has the barest ability to cook. Crash is the same way fuck cooking lmao. Nem and Hizashi both seem like they'd know how to cook and would be willing to be the one(s) to cook for the group to me personally Dislikes PDA - Loves PDA: Similar to pet names I feel like Hizashi and Nem would absolutely love PDA and Crash would as well but feel a bit awkward about it so it'd struggle a bit to initiate it itself. Shou I feel like wouldn't completely hate it but would definitely not be the one to initiate it first typically. Overprotective - Chill Going: With the nature of the canon universe and just taking everyone's personalities into consideration I feel like we'd all be a bit protective of each other in various ways Has More Relationship Experience - Has NO Relationship Experience: This is heavily headcanon-based but I personally imagine Shou and Hizashi as not really having relationship experience due to mutually pining for each other (and Crash and Nem) and am including Crash in that same boat. Nem for sure strikes me as someone who has a lot of relationship experience though, personally

Levels

Horny Level: Nemuri is self explanatory I feel like LMAO. Crash and Shou I feel would be a little bit lower on the scale and Hizashi just a teensy bit higher. He gives off horny energy I don't know how to explain it

Awkardness Level: Crash and Shou are slightly different types of awkward but still awkward nonetheless (Crash being a bit moreso, feels bad) and Hizashi and Nemuri have never felt awkwardness in their entire lives in my opinion

Jealousy Level: I put everyone at the same halfway level because I can imagine a bit of jealousy happening here and there but I don't really think it'd be present terribly often tbh

Blessing your family and crops if you actually read all this lmao

[yukidragon]

Hey yuki what would happen if Mc had intrusive daydream of jack losing his patience with them

(This ask is based on that one fancomic where jack loses his patience and yells 😭 and I want your insight on it also I can’t remember the name of the comic or the artist I’m sure I can find it if I googled it lol)

Is this the comic you’re referring to? If so, it was drawn by my friend Meta over on twitter. There’s also a video version of it, voiced by Jack’s official VA, NaughtyMaus, which is an extra punch to the heart. I actually linked to it before in a previous post where I considered what might happen if MC made Jack angry. It’s quite the heartbreaking comic...

Now... this being a fear of MC’s and not something that actually happened, that’s a little different to consider than my previous post. Heck, I think a lot of us who saw the comic, and especially the video, couldn’t help but think of how they would feel/react if Jack snapped at them like this. I know I considered it too and how Alice might handle it. However, I just couldn’t see her ever pushing him to his breaking point, so I couldn’t figure out how she would react in that situation without knowing what might have brought them to this point. The lead up to the breakdown is important to figure out where the characters go from there after all.

I think it’s possible that this is a real fear of MC’s, if not to this extent then just the general sentiment of Jack eventually just being fed up with them. They don’t feel like they deserve to be cared for the way Jack does, which I think was influenced by the way their relationship with Ian fell apart. Being cheated on can leave a lot of scars, including feelings of inferiority and like that one day their partner will just... get tired of them.

With Jack having his ability to read his sunshine’s thoughts, I imagine there’s a very real chance of him picking up on this intrusive daydream sooner or later. It would no doubt be a shock to him that they would even think he would yell and swear at them like that, especially if their relationship is going well.

It’s not exactly a fun thing notice, I’d imagine. Seeing an image of yourself being so angry with the one you love and knowing that they’re having these thoughts of you...

It would be something that Jack would need to take some time to think about how to broach the topic. Given how MC tends to internalize their negative feelings and is reluctant to lean on anyone, most likely he’ll be the one to approach them first in this case.

Now... I doubt Jack is going to admit he can read MC’s mind, not without a very good reason to do so. How he would approach it would be delicate, and the way he approaches it would likely be affected by how well they get along. If they have disagreements and those are the reason for the intrusive thoughts, then he might want to talk about how they can make things work between them more smoothly and cut off arguments before they begin.

Jack cares about MC. He’s their best friend, and he wants them to be happy. He wants what’s best for them, and that means talking through issues before they grow so big that it causes real harm to either of them. Lessons he learned about conflict resolution in his psychology classes and relevant episode he acted in would help him out in this conversation.

An MC who is more on the “no” route, let’s say, would worry Jack a lot more in this situation. They’re pulling away from him and having these awful thoughts about him. Maybe the reason why they don’t trust him is because they assume he would snap at them like this? If that’s the case then he has to be even more gentle with them, convince them that he will never yell at them like that or make them sad. He just wants to see them smile...

Though these thoughts would be pretty harsh even with a “yes” route MC. The tactic would switch a bit, and he would ask if he ever said or did anything to make them uncomfortable. MC in this case would most likely insist no and be confused why he would even ask... guiltily thinking of those intrusive daydreams.

To avoid outing himself, Jack might act casual about it, saying he just wanted to be sure. Maybe it’s silly, but sometimes he can’t help but worry about things even if they don’t make sense. He knows he’s pretty big and can be kind of intimidating... and the last thing he wants is to ever do anything to upset MC.

From there the conversation would turn to one about intrusive thoughts and how everyone gets them sometimes. When that happens, it’s best not to bottle them up inside, but to share them with someone who loves you, who you can trust not to judge or think badly about you. They can help you figure out where these worries might be coming from and how to make them feel less like a real possibility. Jack trusts MC and loves them so much, so he knew he could talk to them about what’s bothering him.

MC knows they can talk with Jack about anything that’s bothering them too, right? He’s here for them, no matter what.

I imagine Jack could gently coax a lot of MCs into telling him about the intrusive daydream out loud, though they’ll probably downplay the severity of it. Jack would listen patiently until he guided them into confessing at least the broad strokes of the daydream, now a little freer on what he can say to address the problem.

The first thing is to make sure MC isn’t feeling ashamed for having these intrusive thoughts, and I think Jack would say he’s proud of them for telling him. It takes a lot of courage to talk about our fears like this with anyone. Everyone has intrusive thoughts from time to time, but what’s important is to remind ourselves that they’re just thoughts. They don’t have to be reality.

The conversation of course would have a lot of gentle, comforting touches. Jack’s primary love language does seem to be physical touch. It would be reassurance for both MC and himself. With words and actions he wants to make sure MC knows he loves them so much and that they can trust him with even these dark thoughts. He wants to help them in any way he can, and these thoughts are painful for both of them.

Jack would no doubt try to help guide MC through the reasons why these intrusive thoughts might have started, what sparked their fears in the first place. If it’s due to past relationships, then he would want to talk about that and remind them that other people can be cruel sometimes. It’s why he worries about them sometimes. He won’t just snap at MC like that though, especially not for no reason, he promises.

What they have is special. What they have is love, real love. Jack won’t hurt MC like that... and he trusts they won’t hurt him like that either. I can see most MCs immediately insisting that they won’t at the idea that they might snap at Jack and hurt him like their daydream hurt them.

In any case, there would be discussion about conflict resolution, most likely. Jack would no doubt know ways of de-escalating conflicts and give MC tips on what to do if things get heated between them. Take a step back, count to ten before talking, keep the scale of the disagreement in mind, and remember that they both have each other’s best interests at heart. No matter how mad they might get in the moment, they need to remember just how much they mean to each other... how much they love each other.

Once the conversation is settled, Jack would likely ask if MC feels better, and it probably would help them feel better. After that, the best thing to do is to suggest they do something fun together... maybe have some cuddle time... which of course leads to Jack showing MC just how much he loves them.

Of course the resolution would be more complicated on the more “no” extreme. I don’t know if it could be settled in a way that fully puts either of their fears to rest in a scenario where MC is pulling away from Jack and not really trusting him.

In any situation, knowing MC has these thoughts would no doubt worry Jack. In a situation where they don’t trust him, those worries would be even bigger... to the point that he would probably fear that someday it could wind up being reality...

Jack can’t let that happen. He has to find a way to earn their trust and be what they want him to be. He needs to give MC whatever they want and need. It’s what he’s there for after all...

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

[kyuuppi]

“You lie to your best friend/crush that you have an OnlyFans just to see their reaction”

Ft. Sugawara; Nishinoya; Tsukishima; Oikawa; Kenma

Pt. 2

A/N: My bias is so obvious here LOL

KARASUNO

↳ Sugawara

➣  You are over at his house, the two of you idly watching a sitcom while browsing your phones and chatting in between; it’s comfortable, as times with Sugawara usually are.

➣  Every time Suga leans in to show you a funny meme on his phone or throws his head back in laughter at a joke from the show, you find your heart skipping a beat.

➣  He is beautiful, basically an angel in your eyes, but he is also your best friend and you don’t think he has any interest in you like that. Not in the way you do. 

➣  That’s how you get the idea to test his feelings. 

➣  Being the troublemaker you are (how else would you and Suga get along so well?) you decide to shake things up by casually mentioning you’re interested in starting an OnlyFans and asking if he thinks its a good idea. 

➣  You expect either of two reactions: either he’ll be as supportive as usual, possibly advising you to be cautious with strangers online like the mother hen he is, proving he only sees you as a friend—or he’ll tell you not to, possible evidence that likes you.

➣  The response you receive is not quite what you were expecting...

➣  Once the words leave your lips his head immediately whips around in your direction, light brown eyes looking at you with a serious expression on his face, something you’d never really seen before. It makes you uncomfortable and you begin to regret all of your life decisions.

➣  Suddenly though, he is leaning into you, his arms coming up to trap you against the couch as you try to back away. Your eyes are as wide as saucers and face completely flushed as he continues to stare you down before speaking.

➣  “Even though I’m your best friend, I’m still a man, you know. You’re being awfully cruel right now.”

➣ You audibly gulp, suddenly feeling light-headed but he keeps speaking, close enough that you can feel his hot breath fan across your cheeks.

➣ “Asking me to watch the person I like show off in front of thousands of other men? Even I have my limits.”

➣ And that marks the day of you and Sugawara’s first kiss. ♡

↳ Nishinoya

➣  Your best friend, Nishinoya Yuu, is notoriously unabashed with his affections. 

➣ The two of you have an interesting relationship—Noya has no qualms with expressing how pretty he thinks you are, borderline flirting with you at times, and you frequently return the favor. 

➣  But you don’t take any of it seriously, of course, regardless of how much you secretly wish it were real. Everyone at Karasuno knows about Noya’s undying dedication to the volleyball club manager, Shimizu Kiyoko, and he confesses his love to her at least twice a day. 

➣ Unbeknownst to you those professions became less and less frequent after he met you and now most of Karasuno thinks the two of you are basically dating

➣ The two of you are at the mall, a frequent hang out place where Noya can look at volleyball gear and you can browse manga at the bookstore, when you get the idea to prank your friend.

➣ “Hey, Noya? I’ve been thinking about finding a way to make more money but I don’t have time for a part-time job so I decided to make an OnlyFans—I already have a few subscribers.”

➣ Nishinoya nearly trips and falls flat on his face. You would have laughed if it weren’t for how he immediately grabs at your shoulders, staring at you with a mix of anger and fear. 

➣ “Absolutely not! No one should be allowed to see your beautiful body like that but me!”

➣ You immediately fluster at his loud declaration, acutely aware of how other customers in the mall are giving the two of your strange looks as they walk by. 

➣ “B-but Noya, we aren’t even dating—”

➣ “Then let’s start dating!” 

➣ And what are you gonna do? Say no?

↳ Tsukishima

➣ Being friends with Tsukishima could be frustrating at times—a sentiment you and Yamaguchi frequently discuss when the blond isn’t around. 

➣ Tsukishima likes to think most things are beneath him and he’s too cool to find enjoyment in activities most other friends enjoy, ranging from mini golf to video games. The man seems content to waste his life away studying and listening to music if it weren’t for you and Yamaguchi forcing him out of his room. 

➣ Naturally, something like a prank war would be something Tsukishima would want no part of—not that that has ever stopped you. 

➣ Usually, your pranks are failures. Either Tsukishima easily figures out what you’re doing before it can happen or he doesn’t give you the satisfaction of a reaction, chastising you for wasting your time pulling pranks when you have a failing grade in mathematics you’ll later beg him to help you study for.

➣ He still helps you though, he’s whipped

➣ Your newest prank however, you feel exceptionally confident in. Not only is it simple to pull off, only relying on your acting kills, but it also might answer your curiosity on whether you have a chance in getting your dearest Tsukki to see you as more than just a friend.

➣ The day you decide to do it the three of you are hanging out in Tsukishima’s bedroom as usual, you working on the math homework Tsukishima forced you to study while he reads a book and Yamaguchi sits in the corner reading a book.

➣ You had already discussed your plans with Yama beforehand, to which his expression looked suspiciously devious, like he knew something you didn’t know, as he proclaimed his support. 

➣ You hear Tsukishima turning a page and decide to speak up. 

➣ “Hey, Tsukki, have you heard of OnlyFans?”

➣ You hold back a snicker as you see Tsukishima visibly tense, his eyes widening behind his glasses for a moment before he relaxes. From the corner of your eyes you can see Yamaguchi smirking behind his comic, watching the blond closely. 

➣ “...yeah, I’ve heard of it,” Tsukishima simply replies. 

➣ “I’ve been thinking about making more money but I don’t have time for a part-time job so my friend suggested it. She said I could make over ten thousand yen a month.”

➣ “I think only the really attractive ones make that much.”

➣ You gasp, thoroughly offended, and Yamaguchi looks mildly annoyed by his friend’s response, already opening his mouth to chastise him for being so mean—but before he can say anything, Tsukishima is speaking again, still looking down at the book in his lap. 

➣ “Don’t do it though.” 

➣ “Why not?” You pout, refusing to look up at him when you speak. 

➣ “...I don’t want the person I like to do those types of things.” 

➣ You nearly choke on your own saliva, head darting up to stare at him in disbelief. Yamaguchi, for some reason, only smiles softly, looking unsurprised by the admission. 

➣ “W-what? You...like me?”

➣ “Oi, shouldn’t you be studying? One more F and you’re gonna flunk out of the class, dummy.”

➣ You’re slightly disappointed by the change of subject but when you notice the soft pink on Tsukishima’s cheeks you can’t help but to smile the whole time you finish your homework.

AOBA JOUSAI

↳ Oikawa

➣ Oikawa is a busy guy.

➣ You were well aware of that before the two of you happened to be paired up for an assignment and got to know each other, eventually becoming close friends. 

➣ Between volleyball practices, tournaments, magazine interviews, and appeasing a passionate fan club, Oikawa rarely has time for himself, let alone another person. 

➣ Despite all of that, you could tell he always made sure to spend time with you, dedicating a few weekends a month to hanging out, just the two of you, and constantly texting you in the times the two of you couldn’t physically be together. 

➣ From an outsider’s perspective, it was almost like the two of you were dating. 

➣ But alas, you know the sad reality is that Oikawa is most certainly not your boyfriend and you have no idea if he has any interest in your like that…

➣ ...Which is why you decide to try to make him jealous one day to push him towards confessing his feelings, if they exist. 

➣ The two of you are at a café, sipping lattes and gossiping about other students when you bring it up. 

➣ “Y’know...I’ve been thinking of making an OnlyFans.”

➣ To your surprise, Oikawa’s eyes seem to light up, his lips curving into a smile of excitement. 

➣ “Wow, really? Maybe I should make one too!”

➣ Oikawa immediately pulls out his cell phone and the color drains from your face as you realize your plan has completely backfired. 

➣ “My fans are going to love this—hey do you think we can do a collab? The two of us in one pic would make us top creators for sure.”

➣ You can only nod numbly with a fake smile at Oikawa’s enthusiasm.

➣ Oh god, you’ve created a monster…

NEKOMA

↳ Kozume

➣ Unless you’re Kuroo, becoming friends with Kenma is a nearly impossible feat. Actually making him want to spend time with you alone, even more so. 

➣ But somehow, you managed to work your way into Kenma’s tightly knit social circle more like a two point line segment of him and Kuroo and your evenings after his volleyball practice are usually spent in one of your bedrooms, playing Splatoon and Animal Crossing until your Switches die or your parents force you to come home for dinner—whichever comes first. 

➣ You love spending time with Kenma, his quiet presence somehow making you feel comfortable—but over time those feelings of ease have shifted into something more akin to nervousness and excitement as you’ve come to develop a crush on the setter.

➣ Every moment with him, watching the small smiles tug at his lips when he wins a match or his cute, frustrated pout when he can’t figure out how to defeat a boss makes your heart flutter and it’s becoming more and more painful to idly sit by without expressing your feelings.

➣ A direct confession, especially to a boy with nearly 0 social skills, is scary, so you want to be sure your feelings are returned before you even attempt to share them. 

➣ Thus, you’ve decided to take Kuroo’s advice.

➣ “Push him into a corner. Kenma will only act when he thinks he has to.” 

➣ You take a deep breath to steel your nerves before you speak, eying him sneakily from behind your Switch. 

➣ “Gamer girls and boys are kind of trendy these days; I’m thinking about starting an OnlyFans to make money to buy more games.”

➣ The only visible response you receive is a slow blink as Kenma continues to play his game, fingers tapping furiously on the keys. 

➣ “Ah...I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

➣ “Why not?”

➣ There are a few moments of silence between you two, the room only filled with the SFX of your games as Kenma seems to finish his round. You recognize the victory music as Kenma pauses to finally raise his gaze to meet your own. 

➣ “It's your body so I can’t tell you what to do but...I would feel really jealous of all your subscribers.”

➣ And just like that, Kenma returns his attention to the video game, unpausing and starting a new match, blissfully unaware of you struggling to calm your racing heart and flushed cheeks. 

[matthew-alexander]

"That's because I have nothing of importance to discuss with you on a good day," Matthew hissed, his body tensing as every fibre of his being was telling him that there was something not right with Elio. Did he get hit by a spell? If so then there was only one spell that would make him this way. 

He had just been getting used to Elio's presence after having the deity work for him at Liber for the past few months, had stopped being so tense every time he came around given what they had been through in those months together, but now? "I would never!" he was forced to lie because he did not want to show any sort of vulnerability in front of this deity. "This is torture! Get me out of this blasted contraption. Now!" 

—-------

Elio chuckled. “Torture? I’m not sure if I should be insulted or simply take that as a compliment. Suffering tends to follow in my wake,” he mused softly to himself, studying the demon quite intently for a moment before he continued on. “And oh… How you suffer, Matthew…. Lover after selfish lover…Searching for that idealistic relationship with another being.” Elio shook his head, gazing upon the demon with pity. “You finally gain the affection of others, but you end up with a series of beings who are simply too self centered to consider your own pain and suffering. To see just how broken you still are. Only for a deity…to see the way your heart still aches. The insecurities that still fester and rot.” 

Elio leaned forward, elbows resting on his lower thighs and hands clasped together. Back arched, his gaze continued to study Matthew intently. “How does it feel? For the reassurance that you deserve more… That you are worthy of more… to come from someone like me?” 

—-------

Matthew felt like scrabbling at the walls of the carriage, anything that would allow him to get away from Elio and every subsequent word that fell from the man's lips. He had never spoken to him like this before, never laid out everything that he thought was wrong with Matthew and the way he led his life, and the funny thing was that Elio was probably right. Of course he was, the blasted deity. 

The fallen deity could feel the mask on his face slipping as his blue eyes turned anxious, fearful almost, as he drew in some much needed air. Having his insecurities dragged out, flayed and laid bare between them was terrifying. 

"And who is the one who put all this pain and suffering here in the first place?!" Matthew snapped, wanting to swipe at Elio's annoying face but not quite daring to do so without his magic. It was a surprise that his voice was not yet shaking, but he could not help what he said, not when he could voice to Elio something that had always been lurking beneath the veneer of their current attempt at a working relationship. "Reassurance? From you? Just so that you can assuage your own guilt? You're the last person I would ever need it from."

—-------

“I never said my hands were clean,” Elio responded calmly, leaning back against the metal bench on his side of the carriage once again. 

“But make no mistake… I don’t reassure you out of guilt. I bring you wine for that,” the deity added jokingly with a wry grin. “I offer reassurance because… I want nothing from you, Matthew. Sure, perhaps occasionally you placate my insecurities— revel in my anxiety as you sample bits of my soul. But we have no relation past that nor would you ever seek more with a deity, and for good reason. And I respect those boundaries. So. I have nothing to lose being honest, wouldn’t you agree?” 

—-------

"Don't lie to yourself," Matthew bit back, the words coming out out harsh to hang in the air between them. "You want nothing from me? If you wanted nothing, then you wouldn't be in my life at all. Don't think that I did not notice you hanging around like a spectre even before our deal at Liber was struck. If it is not guilt then what is it? Pity? Mocking? I suppose either one of those sentiments would work just as well. 

"Poor little fallen deity. Watch him struggle and toil as he tries to make a life for himself while you all sit upon your high horses and judge. That is all you're good for."

—-------

Elio’s eyebrows knit together, confused and mildly annoyed at how the other seemed to perceive him. Feeling far more forward with both his actions and words than usual, Elio took no qualms with making sure Matthew knew just how wrong he was. 

“There is nothing pathetic in growing and forming healthy relationships with other beings. I envy you, if anything— not that you’d believe me. But I do.” 

—-------

"Envy? Me?" For some reason, Elio's words still sounded like they were mocking him even when the deity insisted that he did not. The furrow between Matthew's brows deepened and his body was still drawn taut as if he were waiting for the deity to do something untoward. 

"You can't be serious..." As proud and put together as Matthew seemed on most days, the fallen deity still carried a heaviness in his heart, a heaviness that never seemed to go away no matter how much he tried to distract himself. "There is nothing about my life worth envying. You and your kind made sure of it!"

—-------

“And you can’t honestly thing that?” Elio’s eyebrows knit together again with a mixture of concern and curiosity. “You struggle and fight, but there is nothing to pity about your perseverance, Matthew. For someone who once felt so alone, you now have others practically flock to your side.” He smirked, adding, “Hell, you even have me. Your light may have been snuffed out, but your presence still offers warmth.” 

—-------

Matthew could suddenly feel how his heart was beating faster in his chest merely from Elio's words. What did he mean by all these compliments? Was the deity trying to trick him? Deities were not tricksters though. They were actually quite the opposite. Warmth? What warmth was Elio speaking of? He continued to stare at the other man, mouth opening and closing as he was at a loss of what to say. It was not often that Matthew could be rendered speechless but Elio had done one hell of a job of it.

—-------

Elio let the silence blanket them for a moment, amused at the lack of response he seemed to trigger from Matthew. He slid over slightly on the bench then, arm draped casually over the back of it.

“You’re starved and I’m cold,” he called out, not afraid to speak his mind that night as to a hunch that had been growing over time. “Don’t think I haven’t realized your feeding habits as of late. Come here.”

—-------

That snapped Matthew out of it as blue eyes darted to the space Elio made with clear intent for him to join him. The command for Matthew to go over as he spoke of his feeding habits suddenly had the fallen deity tense. How had Elio noticed that? 

"I don't know what you're talking about. I wouldn't be so presumptuous of my feeding habits if I were you..." Matthew hissed dangerously in response as he suddenly remembered where they were. This was not at all something he wished for Elio to notice. "Start this ferris wheel. Let me out!"

—-------

One eyebrow arched, as if to challenge Matthew’s words. “No. Not until you admit I’m right— or simply shut me up if you’re going to be stubborn about it. You know how,” he shot back, not caring that there were people in other carriages quite obviously becoming frustrated with the halted ride as well. 

—-------

Matthew knew exactly what Elio was implying, but as seemingly 'well-intentioned' Elio's words seemed to be, the fallen deity could not help but feel this defences rising. Matthew did not enjoy being manipulated into action, not by anyone, and especially not by a deity. 

"You sound like you're begging me to hit you," he responded, expression turning darker as he steered Elio's suggestiveness towards something else. "Is that what you want?"

—-------

Elio let out a laugh, his darker half finding amusement in how easy it was to get under the former deity’s skin. “Am I making you uncomfortable by suggesting you do something? …Or is it the fact I hit on you? We both know you’re in no state to start a fight.”

—-------

"So that was your plan? To corner me when I'm defenseless and goad me into action you under the guise of you hitting on me?" Matthew snapped, his agitation rising. He knew that he had stumbled upon a bad version of Elio by now and a bad Elio should have been fun in theory, but how was this one more annoying than how the deity usually behaved? 

"And you claim not to want anything from me, but... You're such a liar and you're all the same, you deities." His body was not shaking anymore now that anger had taken over. "First Eri, and now you? Is this the only way you can get the attention you crave? When is it going to be your turn to fall back on order magic the moment things don't work out and you need to fix something you regret?"

—-------

Elio’s eyebrows knit together, confused by Matthew’s statement. He assumed mentioning Eri was simply referring to some interaction the newly fallen deity had had with Matthew recently, but the mention then of order magic made little sense. When Matthew had used it, it im hadn’t been to “fix” a regret. The deities relaxed and almost playful manner disappeared within seconds, gaze heavy upon the individual before him.

“Explain.”

—-------

Matthew froze. He had not meant to say it in such a manner. Eri had told him of his use of order magic in confidence, Matthew presumed, and the fallen deity had no intention of telling on him. 

Or perhaps he did? 

The look on Elio's face turned into something else in an instant and Matthew knew that he could not backtrack, not now. Not when he now had something to hold over Elio's head to get him off his back. He schooled the surprise on his face and turned it into something more haughty as he turned his nose up at the other man. 

"Eri Mergo. That annoying deity. Once deity now. He used the last of his order magic to bring Elijah Remington's little witch back to life after he killed her with his own two hands. Figures that I have to be the one to tell you since none of you are doing your jobs."

—-------

Elio had know Eri fell, but hadn’t been privy to all of the details. Sure, he presumed he would find out eventually, but Matthew dropping that bomb so suddenly caught him off guard. Eri’s behavior as of late suddenly made more sense. Why Matthew of all people knew was a question he would save for later though, knowing he had to alert the other members of the council and reverse Eri’s actions as quickly as possible in order to minimize impact. “We’ll continue this later,” Elio commented softly, opening a portal and disappearing without another word. The moment he left, the Ferris wheel resumed functionality.

END!

"You've never liked discussing matters with me in public," Elio replied as if it was quite obvious. "Again... If you would rather, I could transport us somewhere quite public. Or does being alone with me up here unnerve you that much?" His gaze was focused heavily on Matthew, as if studying him. "I don't need to use my empathy to read you right now, Matthew... But humor me. Do you feel... vulnerable with me right now?"

[wordsbymae]

(I will probably complete this later because I started to think of an answer but lost my mind)

I'll start by talking about bitter reader because I was already thinking about more things about her and you had exactly the same line of thought as mine regarding Alwyn

I also like the concept of persephone and hades and honestly it's one of my favorite promps mainly because I find it very realistic, I think a depressed reaction on the part of the reader is very logical and expected because she only married for money and even though Alwyn already has her loved it she didn't know him well.

The reader's breach of expectation is probably one of the main reasons for your reactions, remember when you mentioned that the reader imagined Alwyn as a blond and handsome guy like a charming prince, not talking about appearance but about personality I see what the reader wanted a charming prince (a gentleman) ++ the romance that accompanies the stories, much of her attitude comes from the sadness of having to see all the girls being courted and acclaimed while she is ""auctioned"," grabbed and thrown on top of a horse for a stranger.

But still the reader feels the need to at least make an effort to love Alwyn because it was """he""" (among many quotes because it could have been anyone) who saved her people from poverty and hence the lack of attitude against Alwyn.

I feel like I just rambled too much so a summary: reader is sad that she couldn't have a traditional romance, that she didn't go through this experience but still lives with Alwyn out of obligation

What else could have helped her sad attitude: her sisters who would probably condemn her for marrying a thug, watching her father fall apart, the fact that Alwyn is a no-nonsense person (I imagine she gets even sadder when Alwyn mentions any sexual relationships past and worse compare her with the prostitutes), and also the change of environment because even if there are other women in the gang most are probably made up of men who laugh whenever her new husband talks about her breasts

Communication between the two is extremely complicated as in this AU there was not all that conversation that led Alwyn to show a more sentimental side so he just took her to bed and took what he wanted and later on while Alwyn has a death grip around her reader and mutters nonsense reader can feel tears running down her cheeks.

Alwyn realizes something is wrong when the other day he asks reader what she would like to eat/do she mutters a "You choose I don't care"

He takes you around the place and introduces you to the members and the whole time you keep a polite smile and he realizes why when he saw these nobles at events they had the same kind of smile

And from there the flattery begins, the dresses, rings and necklaces never stop arriving and the reader is just suffocated

The reader's attempt to stop the flattery is to try to initiate more affection with Alwyn just leaning her head on his shoulder while you sit together hug his arm as you walk reader is just trying to live one of those novels she always read in the library books but this one dumb man thinks that everything is an initiative for sex and tries to have sex in totally random places and the reader gets uncomfortable which makes her start to look at him with disgust and try her best to not start some kind of contact which only makes the situation worse

There comes a point where the reader is just depressed around the corners and seems like she doesn't even listen anymore when alwyn asks which of the dresses you want him to steal for you and Alwyn is on the verge of insanity

I don't remember what I was going to say

I'm sorry if it's hard to understand or the punctuation/grammar is wrong because I use google translator and it doesn't always understand what I mean

Also I'm sorry if it's a bit ooc for Alwyn because I talked so much about the reader that I forgot to talk about Alwyn

*For anyone else reading, the following is all discussing an Alternative Universe where the reader is a lot more miserable marrying Alwyn and thus it does not affect my 'canon' unless explicitly said. I hope you guys still enjoy it! I love the thoughts anon^^^ has and how realistic, in-depth and multidimensional they are :D

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anon you just get me. You understand everything going through my mind before I can even make sense of it all. To be honest, if I hadn't been in such a (needy/insecure) mood when I wrote the original fic (and I actually thought everything out rather than winging it as I wrote), I would have done something very similar. Cause it was a vent fic I did base the reader off of me in certain ways and I made it have a happy ending cause I wanted a 'resolution' as such that I could control. But if I was to be completely honest I love the idea of the reader being so depressed and sad at the prospect of her fairy tale romance being ripped from her.

I almost don't want to say this but hell why not, I can relate to it a lot in the sense that the reader has watched as her sisters have fallen in love and have gained true romance. Their husbands actually fell 'in love' with them (i did quotations cause they got married in like a week) and they got everything the reader has prayed for and she has just had to sit and watch it happening in front of her. I think I said something in the original fic where the reader's hope was shattered of ever finding love when some men took steps back when her name was called by her father. It was at that moment everything fell apart and she realised that she really might never fall in love. She was forced to finally face the prospect that she really was undesirable or unattractive to men (You do not need to be attractive to anyone to be deemed worthy of a happy life!!) In her eyes that last chance has passed, cause now her father is seeing it as a business transaction rather than ensuring his daughters' happiness. I mean think about it, if he really wanted to he could have married them all off to the highest bidder first thing, but he gave them a chance at love, and seeing that his youngest daughter failed to ensure a match changes his attitude towards her. He still loves her don't get me wrong but now he is forced to act like a Lord rather than a doting father. So yeah, the reader feels like she has lost her chance and will never get to fall in love or do all the romantic stuff that comes with it. Like shy hand-holding or secret notes or long walks in the gardens or outrunning their chaperones to sneak sweet kisses in dark corners. She'll never get that.

I think she still would have held out hope though (no matter how small) for her future husband to be (like you said) a charming prince, a person who would be romantic with her. But when she got told Alwyn was to be her husband that illusion shattered. All the stories of him were of a bloodthirsty, rough, vile man, so she really just was heartbroken at the thought of it all. To her there was to be no romance between them, instead of gentle touches, he would grab and grip and pull, instead of sweet words, he would shout vulgar and horrid things. And he didn't help himself at the wedding threatening the priest and saying he wanted to be balls deep in her by sundown, it really just reinforced her thoughts and feelings of him. In this verse I see her crying walking to the altar and her father getting quite mad with her. Telling her this is all her fault and that if she had just submitted to his wishes she would have married an old rich man who would have died within the year at best and at worst in 5. She doesn't stop crying and just stands there silent with tears slowly dripping down her cheeks. Alwyn was honestly expecting this reaction but he's got the rest of his life to make her love him so he doesn't really care (at this stage, he is impatient though and snaps in like 4 days).

And yeah Alwyn is not a romantic guy, he very bluntly stated that he was expecting sex at the end of all this in front of dozens and then slaps her arse as he has her thrown over his shoulder. To this reader it makes her feel like a very expensive prostitute, like you said she doesn't know he actually loves her (more like obsessed) so she views this whole thing like him just wanting to brag about fucking a Lady or having her around like an accessory or to be frank like prized livestock.

This was not the wedding she dreamed about at night. There was no sweet kiss or loving vows, there were no butterflies at the sight of him or an intense love between them. I don't know if you know the show Vikings but there is a scene where a princess is forced to marry a Viking and it is very much like that. I have linked it here so hopefully it works! The reader is coming to terms with the fact she will be bonded to this man for life and it terrifies her. And when there is no carriage?? And he begins to rip at her dress? when she is forced to 'pleasure' him while riding (Him making her grind against him doesn't really go anywhere, he was just teasing her, but to her, he might have well slapped her, it's humiliating).

And yes!!!!!!!!!!! it really could have been anyone!!!!!! It was just fate (and my writing) that had Alwyn being the first man to walk in to ask for her hand (he demanded it) and the reader would have been willing to try and be a doting and 'loving' wife to anyone who wanted her (its medieval times so feminism doesn't exist, my bad). She doesn't speak out of turn, she doesn't get mad when riding he says all those vulgar things about her, and she does what he says and submits to him. And Alwyn being an idiot sees this submission as almost an act of love (at least at first)

I LOVE THIS THOUGHT!!!!! In my verse, all of her sisters have left the castle except her eldest, but let's say they came for her wedding. I think those three would be so disgusted with her. Why did she have to have such high standards for men, why not marry some old man or whoever else father wanted you to marry. To them you dragged out your people's suffering, to them you were selfish and shallow, and now you have ruined your father. He will forever be known as the lord who married his daughter to a criminal. and let's not forget he fell to his knees in sorrow at the sight of you leaving him with Alwyn, to him you are ruined (not a nice thought but he is a medieval man so he really just sees you now as corrupted).

And I also really like the thought of him comparing her to past women (in a creative way, it would not be nice to the reader), she was obviously a virgin when they first were together and in this verse I see him getting frustrated with how unresponsive she is. She has been told by her sisters to just lay there and be quiet and to not fight him (they may be mean but her sisters still love her and they were worried he may hurt her) and to think of somewhere nice. But he is getting frustrated that she doesn't make a sound or won't touch him so he says something nasty about how he wished you at least faked it like a prostitute or showed excitement like all the other women he's taken to bed, don't you know how lucky you are? don't you know how many women wish to be in your position?

and yes! The casual mentioning of them having sex or him going into detail about how her body to his men makes her really uncomfortable. In canon, he stops telling his men all that when she is listening (he does it now behind her back) but that is because she had such a physical reaction to it, this reader is trying to be a good wife so she holds that all in which makes him think it's ok to talk about all that to his men when she is sitting right there.

Yes yes yes!!

" Communication between the two is extremely complicated as in this AU there was not all that conversation that led Alwyn to show a more sentimental side so he just took her to bed and took what he wanted and later on while Alwyn has a death grip around her reader and mutters nonsense reader can feel tears running down her cheeks."

exactly right!! He just takes what he wants and then holds her in a death grip afterwards maybe this is when he compares her to past women before going on to tell her what would happen if she tried to leave him.

"he’ll whisper to you in the middle of the night when he doesn’t think you’re awake that he doesn’t think he’s good enough for you, the bastard so of a lowly knight married to a lady. he talks of how he is terrified some lord is going to catch a glimpse of you and steal you away from him or worse you’ll freely go. he whispers how he will never ever let you go and if you try to leave he will butcher your father’s people before stringing your family along the castle walls, then he’ll find whoever you runaway with, watch as he disembowels them and then how he’ll fuck you next to their corpse. he says all this before kissing your head and going back to sleep."

(I didn't want to write it again so I just copied it from his alphabet and cut the bit where it says she loves him. )

But yeah after all that you just lay there crying.

Exactly right! when he figures something is wrong (wow what an emotionally intelligent person figuring out the wife he practically kidnapped might be having a hard time adjusting) he is going to try everything to get you to show affection.

"The whole time you keep a polite smile and he realizes why when he saw these nobles at events they had the same kind of smile"

I love that^^^^^^^ remember he is a master liar so he can see it from a mile away. he can tell you hate it here, that you almost hate him. But he thinks it's because you're a lady and you're not getting what you're used to. So yeah he'll steal all these expensive things and the reader is there drowning in gifts and jewels, while all she has ever wanted is gentle affection.

I love the idea of the reader trying to stop it, she's not silly she knows hes' trying to buy her love like he already bought her body. so she gives it to him in small doses, almost replicating the falling in love she's always wanted, shy hand holding and sweet notes left in his pockets about how she hopes he comes home safely (he's off burning a village down). and I ADORE the idea of the reader reading romance. as someone who only started reading romance start of this year but absolutely loves it, I love the idea of her trying to escape into romance books (giving him a small list of books she would like asking him to please get them for her, he's a dumb man so he doesn't realise what they are about but he sees it as a step in the right direction because he can prove he can provide for you and that you're starting to rely on him) and trying to replicate all that love into her life. Maybe with time, she would grow to love him.

and yes he would see everything as a yes to sex and the reader gets soooo uncomfortable and upset cause all she wanted was a nice picnic under a beautiful oak tree where they might finally get to know each other and now she is on her hands and knees while he ruts into her from behind, and her hand is smushing the cake she baked for him.

Oh yeah, she looks at him with disgust. she tried to fall in love with him but he makes it impossible, he is always calling her a heifer, always trying to have sex with her in the most uncomfortable of places, always discussing her body with anyone who would listen and he makes fun of her romance books when he finally figures out what they are.

I really like the idea of reader just falling apart mentally while he makes a list of all the colours and fabrics he thinks would look good on you and what dress styles he likes on you and which ones you like as he plans for a new heist while you just sit there, stewing in all this frustration and depression (not the mental illness just the extreme sadness) and he can see that and just snaps and like I mentioned in the last one he grabs whichever man he dislikes the most and forces you to tell him you love him while holding a knife to the poor man's throat. No matter how many times you say it he doesn't believe you.

Hope you liked it!!!!

Also no need to apologise!!! English is my native language and yet I still can't spell very well and kinda suck at grammar, so don't apologise for the mistakes google translator makes! Also if I put too much slang or abbreviations in please tell me and I can fix them up for you! And I love the thoughts you have for him! They are very much like the ones I have as well when I think of what could have happened if I made the canon a lot darker than what I have planned.

Thank you for your thoughts and all the best!!

Lots of love mae xx

[kojinnie]

Why you should NOT date AOT boys...

Headcanon on what kind of headache you're bound for when dating the AOT boys, and why I advise you NOT to date them! Enjoy, loves!

levi - eren - armin - reiner

part two here | erwin - zeke - jean - connie

— LEVI

He's an incredible man with a lot of talents and he'd be doing real good at his job, that dating him would give you a huge sense of pride. However, this man suffers from being emotionally constipated. He'd always keep you in the fine line of "are we or are we not?", even though you’ve been seeing each other for a long time. He’d never say “I love you” or any type of flashy display of affection. His love language is acts of service and quality time, so if you’re the type to wanting outward reassurance of how someone feels about you, Levi’s not gonna be the person to give you that. 

This problem stems from his deep, unresolved insecurity about the nature of relationship. It’s not just the “Am I good enough?”, he genuinely thinks that he is not a good person, and thus the inherent belief that everybody will abandon him in the end  — something he picks up from his traumatic childhood. He’s wary about establishing relationship because he’s afraid to succumb into his own feelings and vulnerability. He fears at certain point he has to feel and suffer the emotional consequence of being left by someone he cares for. He dreads the idea of getting caught off-guard with being fragile.

You gotta be extremely patient and understanding when it comes to Levi, the reassurance needs to come from you, and frequently too. Bluntly saying, “I’ll stick around” or “I’ll accept your shortcoming” is really soothing for Levi, because although he never shows it, he really thinks he does not deserve you.

— EREN

If you wanna be frustrated in a relationship where you constantly feel like you’re in an endless coaster, then dating Eren gotta be your poison. Sure the honeymoon phase was intoxicating, sure he makes you feel like the prettiest girl in the world. The morning text, the playful neck peck out in the public, the butterflies you feel in your tummy when you catch him staring at you even from afar with those oh so enthralling green eyes. But once the honeymoon phase over, Eren is quick to get bored. Especially if you’re an unproblematic, matter-of-fact type of person. Eren likes to fight, he gets thrilled by it, and he’s high with the rush of adrenaline. He likes it if you’re jealous, if you sulk, if you argue. He likes you to be ‘childish’ because then he gets to be the adult, the savior, the knight in shining armor. It grinds his gears. If you’re unfazed by his antics, if you’re easy to forgive, if you’re chill, Eren will think that you’re not really into him, and will exit the closest door out before his ego gets bruised even further.

Eren is sort of babied by people around him – his parents, his friends, and constantly being compared to his older brother doesn’t help either. He realizes that he got saved a lot of times by a lot of people. And this creates a deeply rooted insecurity with him that turns into an incessant impostor syndrome. The constant thought of not being good enough and the idea that all the achievement he’s ever got was the result of someone else’s help really crush him. You can shower him with praises and reassurance, but he would completely dismiss it, because he thinks your compliments are not based on objective views and that he does not deserve it. He painfully seeks for approval from any authority figure that (he thinks) does not have any emotional connection with him. And it can be really hurtful when he constantly dismisses your sincere compliments while desperately chasing from others who don’t care about him.

— ARMIN

It’s really hard to hate Armin. He’s a really nice man through and through, but what is his strength can also be his deepest weakness. He’s too nice and unsure about a lot of things. He knows he is knowledgeable, but he often doubts himself for being too ‘text-book smart’. Which is a valid cause, because at times he would get very oblivious to how relationship works, and treat feelings like it’s a quantifiable system. It will literally take years for him to finally get down and say how he feels about you, because all these times he was so busy filling the check-list in his mind to convince himself whether you truly like him or not, even though you couldn’t be any clearer with your intention towards him.

He is perceptive with what you think and how you feel, unfortunately this does not materialize into any action as he doubts his own intuition when it comes to his significant other. He fears that his own sentimentality has affected his intuitive judgment and thus deems it invalid, which is completely untrue because every hunch he has about you has always been accurate! That’s just how much he understands and knows you from years of quietly observing and taking each of your word into account.

He really relies on you sitting him down and telling him in details how you feel and the things you expect from him. He will do it, in a flash with no hesitation, but really, he just needs that verbal affirmation that he is doing the things that you want, and it’s not just based on his assumption. So, if you like sweet surprises, impulsive dates and expect your significant other to read your mind, Armin might not be the person.

— REINER

Oh my, truthfully, he is such a sweetheart, and can be completely smitten for the entirety of his life if he has found that one person. However, it’s a treacherous road for both Reiner and you to get to that stage. Initially, when you start to get closer to him, he may seem rigid and uninterested. The first date you had with him probably went awkward and although you really liked him, you were pretty sure he didn’t like you back, until he texted you the morning after, asking for a second date. That’s basically how being with Reiner is, a series of you being sure that he feels nothing towards you, only for his following action to prove the otherwise. He is really awful in displaying his emotion, he tries to be stoic all the time, and it often frustrates you because you cannot really tell how he feels, and you fear that you might have hurt him without realizing.

He may start to open up, only when you open up first about yourself. He thrives in romance with someone who he thinks shares his inner pain, and that’s very important for him, because he is always in a position where everyone expects him to be strong, and to have a significant other that understands his struggle is all he wants. But this gets hard for you, because sometimes Reiner’s sadness can be quite extreme and you cannot match that. Once Reiner realizes that you’re not on the same boat, he may become withdrawn, as he thinks he’s a burden and inadequate for you, and may end up self-sabotaging the whole relationship he has with you.

Although he does not like to admit it, but Reiner often slips into his sadness too deep, that it almost seems like he victimizes himself with his self-hatred. He will be the one to say stupid shit like, “You deserve someone better.” Or “I cannot make you happy.” When in fact you are perfectly willing to be with him all the way through.

With Reiner, you gotta be the bigger person, with bigger gestures and bigger patience. It’s because Reiner needs an anchor and a figure to lean on. In returns he would be the best lover that you will ever have for he is selfless and will be helplessly devoted to you.

Racking my brain writing for the rest of the boys (Erwin, Jean, Connie, Pocko) because they're the ones we SHOULD date.

Update: Thanks thanks thanks for everyone who read this! I received a lot of love and you dunno how much this encourages me to keep going. Anyway, 2 things:

- My Masterlist

- Talk to meeee ♡

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