#i feel pretty whole as myself i feel like my own person who isn influenced by my source nowadays?

[gurorori]

introject hours tbh.

it ok 2 b attached 2 yr source.. it don necessarily make the connection 'unhealthy' or 'anti-recovery', regardless if ya knew of da introjection immediately or later on. it ok 2 b comforted by yr source. it ok 2 have any specific feelings, positive or negative or neutral, ab yr source.

i think a lotta different ppl have different polarised preconceived notions of wat an introject (n i aint jus talkin ab fictional ones here btw) shud b like & how we shud behave 2 b considered a Correct kind. well. fuck dat

it is a unique experience 4 everyone & we get 2 decide our relationship with our source on our own actually.

[writerpyre]

I'm only twenty-four and I feel like I'm having a years-long mid-life crisis here.

I really hate what my life is, every influence that's making me over-examine every stupid, messy move I make and how I'm just screwing up everything I ever do. I've got no goals, no motivation, no nothing, no support network that's in a word, 'real', I'm a mess and no one outside of the little community I've forced myself into actually cares about how I'm coping with everything.

I think there's something intrinsically wrong with how the majority of my generation are depressed and anxious to such a degree. Some of it is that there is a greater awareness of mental illnesses of many kinds nowadays, and the accepting of different sorts of stress to a higher degree than there used to be because of that, but it's also in a way, just that we are the internet generation as such, and there's been no precursor as to how we're meant to make lives for ourselves that is true to everything we've been raised alongside, while also incorporating what we've learnt as we've grown. Our values and hopes are all simplified within a minefield of complications. I've been swept up in that to an extent, I think, but at the same time, our parents and those that have raised us, have raised us how they were, and the conditions we as millenials are going through are entirely different to what they experienced, and none of us (or them for that matter), are equipped in any way, shape or form, to deal with that.

Myself personally, well, my own circumstances just have shitty timing, that just as I am meant to take my first steps into the working, adult world, and was trying to do my Honours degree last year to prepare for that, my whole life has been and was put on hold because my mother got sick, and I was the only one who could help because like many other families with members who have disabilities, my mother, trying to cope with raising us on her own, fell through the cracks.

I've been struggling for years myself, and I thought I was being so brave by trying to keep a blank face on, that no, I wasn't any different to anyone else in my generation that was approaching a major milestone, terrified of change but still trying to keep going despite that, but I've come to the conclusion that yes, my anxiety and other associated problems are internal issues that need addressing, the problem is also that things have changed far too fast for everyone that's lived and grown over the last twenty years. But we're just not equipped to deal with that, however. Our teachers and mentors didn't know how to prepare us for that, and then by extension, we didn't know how to prepare ourselves for it either. It's an exercise in self-teaching for all of us, in every facet of our lives, but its not too much to ask for help in looking at the problem.

The crux of it is though, that we're not meant to ask for help; we're meant to intuitively know what to do to guide ourselves in a world that we don't know what we're meant to expect from it, and what we're meant to expect from ourselves in order to do what we're meant to in what is called 'being an adult'.

Our parents and others that came before us had a certain set of parameters for what to expect and what they could conceivably do in order to grow and adapt with the world around them to make their lives for themselves, to get themselves through their struggles and heartbreak to find their 'places' for them to subsequently teach us and the coming generations. But we don't have that, and we're consistently degraded and are subsequently discouraged by those that came before us, because pretty much all attempts we make to ask for help and guidance in these 'global' circumstances of the internet and our self-engineered, community-built, online-fuelled ideas and aspirations, are criticised as being too idealistic and 'entititled' for our so-called 'experienced' and less entitled predecessors to handle.

It isn't making excuses for how my own ability to handle things is concerned; my own mental health and my self-motivation (or my lack thereof, because I do not want any of this bullshit) is my responsibility, and no one else's.

But it would be nice, you know, not to be labelled as entitled and overdramatic and lazy and selfish because I am struggling to cope. Something needs to be done for us and those in the generations to come, a framework for schools and raising children, and young teens and adults to have methods to cope with the times changing, because they're only changing with more rapidity as technologies and social sciences develop with more haste, and we're all being left behind more or less, even if none of us will ever really admit it. It scares me, because we just see the basics of human history being repeated over and over and over with more terrifying certainty each cycle, and it's physically nauseating to wonder where we, as individuals and as the collective human race are going to end up if things keep continuing the way they are.

This is possibly just me and my over anxious, world-wary brain just going overboard, and my own fears and insecurities running away from me, hut I should not be this tired. None of us should. It's terrifying how many of us have these fears about growing up and moving onto the next stage of my life, venturing into the world running away with me. But I know I'm not the only one, socially, economically, emotionally, mentally...

Something needs to change. I want to be the one to help do that, I have so many things I want to do, but I'm stuck, I'm so stuck and exhausted and downright frightenened and alone, and I've got no fucking idea where to start here. This world sucks, and I'm tired of it.