#i feel like wendy would still call stan and soos her work family even when she stops working there

[mouseshift]

something from the never gonna finish pile

[niiwa-angel]

I can't stop thinking about how Stan Pines, a man who was kicked out of his home at a young age by his abusive father, turned his own home into such a safe space for not just the twins, but his employees and the kids friends as well.

First of all, we know Wendy frequently slacks off on her shifts, she has her roof top hideaway but she also reads magazines and flat out refuses to do certain tasks. Like when Stan asked her to put up a sign and she just said she couldn't reach it, or telling Stan "absolutely not" when he asked her and Soos to clean the bathrooms. Not only could Stan fire her, he could take away her magazines or stop her from going on the roof. We see that Stan is more observant than he lets on, you're telling me he didn't notice her dragging a cooler and a lawn chair up there? And she's either bringing her own pop and ice to fill that cooler or she's taking his.

And then there's Soos, who Stan cares about so much he got himself on the no-fly list trying to get his birthday removed from calendars, just because it made him upset. We know Soos cares about the Mystery Shack, he feels comfortable there, and he respects and adores Stan. Soos also volunteered to DJ for free at Stans summer party.

We also frequently see Soos and Wendy hanging out with the twins, so either they're slacking off during working hours or they're coming over after their shifts just to hang out. In an after credits scene, we see Mabel and Dipper turn Soos into a disco ball and they're clearly in the residential part of the shack. So either Soos buggered off during working hours to hang out with the twins or he's off shift just chilling. Either way, Stan is fine with him being in the actual house part of the shack.

Wendy also helps Mabel try and make Stan more 'desirable' to Lazy Susan, which I'll get into later, but she's not working and she also in the house part of the shack. We also see Soos and Wendy watching television with Stan, Mabel, and Dipper during the Summerween episode. They aren't on shift! They're just chilling. Wendy hits Stan in the face with a water balloon while working as a lifeguard. She's comfortable teasing him.

Soos tags along with Stan, Dipper, and Mabel when they break into the golf course after hours. He brings his shirts to cut Ws into. He doesn't have to be there, he just is. Wendy goes hunting with Mabel and her friends for unicorns. Mabel wins a pig at the fair and Stan lets her keep it, the pig needs food, who do you think is footing that bill?

Now let's talk about friends. Mabel often has Candy and Grenda over, we know she has loud sleepover with them. Do you think Mabel would bring her friends over if she wasn't comfortable in the house? Do you think Candy and Grenda would keep coming over if they didn't feel safe? Not to mention, they literally ambush Stan in the bathroom and give him a make over. Which he allows, we see him fight off the undead, punch bald eagles, and catch the twins when they fell from the nose of that monument. The man is strong, he could get three preteen girls off him if he wanted to, he was 100% playing along.

Candy and Grenda also invite themselves along on their road trip. And Stan lets them come!! Mr cheap stake agrees to feed and care for two extra kids who aren't his family.

Dipper sneaks around trying to see his tattoo, he feels safe enough with Stan to push those boundaries. He literally pulled the Memory Gun on Ford during the basement scene, if he wasn't comfortable with Stan, he wouldn't try to get that close to him. He calls Stan when he and Mabel are trapped in a haunted convenience store (he doesn't answer but still, he called him).

Now let's talk about Gideon, because I will stand by the Stan had some fondness for the kid. We know Stan has been annoyed with Gideon for a while, we know Gideon has been gunning for Stan for a while. And Stan just... Keeps letting this happen. He never involves the police, he plays along with Gideons attempts, even when Gideon is laughing uncontrollably, Stan just assured him that "you'll get me one day kid". Even when Gideon climbs in THROUGH THE WINDOW all Stan does is aggressively sweep at his feet. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Stan never gets rough with Gideon.

I'm just, I'm weeping over the knowledge that Stan Pines, who wasn't safe in his own home, made his home a safe place for kids as an adult.

[pines4thetwin]

When you mentioned fused stancest I literally could not stop thinking about how they would act if they couldn’t infuse for a while everyone’s reaction to how they function as one person. I would love to hear more of you take on it.

I have so many!! This ended up longer then i expected (Sorry if this isnt what you meant)

So I actually wanted to write something like this concept but the angst is like a parasite and it takes over everything

I think if they got stuck as a Fordley (thats what im calling the fusion) the reactions would go like this:

Mabel is squealing and thinks its so cool and definitely asks to ride on their shoulders. Shes having the time of her life (and even asks if she can try the fusion machine too.) Two grunkles for the price of one and all that but now they are one cooler taller Grunkle.

Dipper hates it. He constantly gets jumpscared. He'll go down to get water and Fordley is creeping around in the middle of the night to get snacks before slinking back down to the lab and dippers like cluching his chest and shaking and sweaty and he really just wants them unfuse already.

Stan would be upset cause why would ford even build something like this. And then he fucked up and now theyre stuck this way. But also he's secretly pleased with the fact that the intensity of his feelings for stan drove Ford to literally create a way for them to be one.

Ford is only too pleased because this is what he wanted. Now he's only thinking that they get to do all the things they love together just like they always said they would do as kids. They'll watch stans shows and do science stuff and he's pleasently surprised with how their minds blend together so well. Even if stan pretends he doesnt enjoy the explorations they go on Ford can feel that he does.

They still work on a way to fix the machine so they can get unfused but only cause stans still a bit pissed at not having a choice in the matter but Ford fully intends to convince him that being one is how they are supposed to be.

Wendy would be like wtf then rapidly compartmentalize and just nod and be like "this is my life now."

Soos looses his mind and fanboys so hard and writes all types of fusion fics and has tea with them to ask how it feels to make his fics as canon as possible. He will also au the hell outta Fordley.

They definitely become an urban legend cause some townie or tourists saw them slinking around in the woods "Seven foot tall, four eyed creature spotted in the woods of gravity falls. Hairless cousin of bigfoot??" And all of the photos are super blurry and you got some people saying it has four arms and debating if it eats humans or only family sized bags of toffee peanuts?

As for specifically with the angsty one i wrote

Ford refuses to let them find a way to fix it cause he doesnt see them being stuck as a problem

Stan is (rightfully) upset and refuses to engage with Ford. Ford eventally coaxes stan to hear him out and they slowly work through their issues cause really what else can they do when their literally stuck together. And then maybe stan realizes that being them isnt so bad and he begrudgingly respects fords audacity (and insanity) to make what he wanted a reality.

And when they do (mostly stan) finally accept the situation, they allow themself to truly start to think of themself as one and i think even the deformites of their unstable fusion would start to shift into a more stable form.

Mabel is lowkey scared of them because of what happened in the lab but she slowly warms up to Fordley. But its only after her grunkles stop fighting. (dont ask how you can fight when you share one body because they do it and they do it easily and she can tell)

Dipper is confused cause no one actually sat him down to fully explain what happened and he's working on context clues only. He's too scared to ask Fordley and anytime he asks mabel she just goes wide eyed and pale. And then one day everything is cool. Like Fordley is still there but he's happier and engaging with the nibs and mabel isnt scared of them anymore and dippers even more confused because nobody has clued him in????

Maybe i should just turn these into fics atp?

[yellowcry]

Nothing at all

Mabel was worried that her lack of attraction to others was abnormal. Turns out that she wasn't the only one.

Ford and Mabel talking in the night. And a couple of months later she called him to tell about something.

According to clock it was about 3 AM. Pretty much, it was time when kid supposed to sleep, instead of lying on the table in the kitchen.

Ford said the same as he saw Mabel in the kitchen. She didn't answer just sadly looked away.

“Something happened?” Her gruncle asked worriedly as he pushed back his chair and sat next to her.

“I think there's something wrong with me.” Mabel whispered almost unhearable.

Ford's eyes widened. “Who said you so, pumkin?” He slighty pat her spine. “You are perfect.”

“Girls supposed to love boys. Romantically, I mean.” She kept resting her chin on her shoulders.

Stanford frowned. “As I heard from Dipper and Stan, You've got a pretty big amount of crushes during this summer.”

He shuddered as Mable whimpered. She rubbed her eyes with a sweater sleeve. “W-well... I don't actually... love them?” Mable hited table with fists and kept talking before gruncle Ford could actually explain something. “Others just keep told me that falling in love is the best thing that could happen to girl. So I thought that... maybe...” She whimpered again. Ford moved the chair closer and pressed Mabel to his chest. “If I choose a cute boy and keep told myself that I have crush on him, I might actually do it.”

Ford's sweater started to be wet from Mabel's tears. “... And it never worked.” He continiued as his great niece wasn't able to say anything. Sobbing stopped for a moment as Mabel looked up to Ford, eyes still filled with tears. “I know how it feels.”

Saying it out loud felt strange. Ford never told anybody about this problem, he just forgot about it when he graduated from college. But back then he was trying to feel anything. He even stole dad's magazine with naked girls thinking that he would find them actually attractive. And they looked nice. But it was nice in a way like nice scenery. Nothing like doing that strange stuff that adults liked to do. At least, by Stan's words.

“You tried to fall in love?” Mabel asked unsurely.

“Well.” Ford shrugged. “Not really. I actually wanted to love girls, even so I never find them attractive. But I never tried to fall in love on purpose. But, honestly, my only love is anomalies”

Mabel giggled. “Then my true love is sequins.” Her eyes were still wet, but voice became a bit funnier.

“Becides” Ford added patting Mabel's head. “You already love many people.” A little smile appeared on his face. “You love your brother, you love Soos and Wendy with her friends. You love your family and friends. And who said that love supposed to be romantic?”

Mabel laughed. Now the fact that she cried a couple of minutes ago was unbelivable, Ford scratched the back of my head thinking how his great niece was able to change her mood so soon.

“Are you feeling better right now?” Ford asked putting a hand on her shoulder. Mabel gave him a fast nod. “I suppose it's time for somebody to go to sleep. It's past you bedtime.” He smiled.

Mabel crossed her arms resentfully. “Then you will go to sleep to.” She said firmly. “You look like you haven't sleep for days.”

“I have work.” Stanford explained as he stood up and extended his hand to Mabel to help.

Mabel shook her head. “I won't go to sleep unless you will do the same.” She turned away amd closed her eyes.

Ford let out a sigh. With this face expression Mabel looked really simulare to Shermy when he was angry. On other hand, she was his granddaughter, so it probably was a genetic stuff. “Okay, I'll try to sleep a couple of hours.” He wasn't in mood for argument. Becides, a little part of his mind actually understood that he needs some sleep. And as much as Ford hated this thought, it still was true.

Mabel threw her hands up in the air with a victorious facial expression.  She jumped off the chair. “You better to sleep well!” She puted her hand on her hips.

Ford nodded as both of them get out of this room.

****

When Mabel called him, Ford was really suprised. Usually, Mabel always talked eighter to Stanley or to both of them. Still, she always made a phone calls to Stan's number. So at the first moment Ford thoughed that his niece just called by mistake.

“No, no, no!” Mabel assured him. It was pretty suprising. Between both couples of twins there wasn't really need to say that Mabel has closed bond with Stanley, when Dipper were more close to Stanford. “Grunkle Ford, do you remember our conversation?”

Ford scratched his head. “Which one?”

“About love!” Mabel's tone was so light that Ford decided that she actually fall in love for real. “And how both of us bever actually had romantic feelings to anyone?”

Ford nodded weakly, even so it was useless because Mabel couldn't see him. “Well, yes.”

“I find out that it actually was a thing!” She screamed happily. “It's called being aromantic!” Her words began to blend together as she clattered into the phone. “It's like when you don't feel, or feel very little amount of romantic attraction, regarless of people gender. And there's many people like this!”

She kept talking for a while before her energy went down.

“Aromantic.” Ford whispered a word that he just heard, just like he was trying to taste it. He heard about it once or twice, but he never actually thought about this. Mostly because back in Twentieth Century there wasn't much of information about non-hetero relationships. Becides, when Ford was too busy with all of these anomalies in Gravity Falls to think about this. And before he went to this town, he kept telling himself that he just haven't found the right person yet.

According to the fact that he was over sixty years old, there's probably wasn't a right person, actually.

Ford fell on his bed. Or on his brother's bed, since Ford slept on the second floor. His head was full of thoughts. He whispered this word once again. Like if it was a Lifebuoy. A little part of him, that he never understood suddenly started to make the way more sence now. This word felt like something, that Stanford really belonged to. Like a little part of him that he never realized. It just... felt right. And that's all that was matter.

[nataliedanovelist]

GF - Stars Aren’t the Only Things That Glitter

A Drifting Stars AU short, collaborating with @clownwry.

2nd, 3rd, 4th.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Grunkle Ford, look out!”

“Mabel, stay back!”

BANG!

“Mabel… MABEL! HOLD ON! I’M COMING! MABEL!”

~~~~~~~~~~

Mabel looked at the blazing fire, trying to pretend to ignore her great-uncles muttering so she might pick up a swear word, be it alien or English was perfectly fine by her. Mabel didn’t pick up any swears, but she did hear the words “reckless” and “irresponsible” and “inconceivable”. The Listening Game did a fair job of distracting her from the pain on her arm and shoulder. Except when Grunkle Ford’s bandages were a little too tight and she would wince at the friction on her burn.

Still muttering through his teeth, his eye glued to the injury through his single-cracked glasses, he did it again, pulling on the bandage a little too hard, this time making Mabel accidentally let am “ouch!” slip past her lips. Ford looked up at her and his expression grew softer and more nurturing. “I’m sorry, my dear, but really, you shouldn’t have done that.”

“They were gonna shoot you…”

“I don’t care.” Ford said firmly. “If I tell you to run, you run. If I tell you to hide, you hide. If I tell you to save yourself and leave me behind, you do so.”

“No.”

The nomadic scientist blinked, slightly surprised by her stubbornness. Only slightly surprised, because she is a Pines, after all. But she is a good kid and in the month they had been traveling the Multiverse, she had never outright defied him like this. “Excuse me?” He wasn’t even stern or angry; he was too surprised (and maybe even a little proud) to properly scold her anymore.

“No. That’s stupid.” Mabel answered, her little cheeks puffed up in determination, her eyes sparkling with the reflection of the fire, a flame of her own in the windows to her soul. “I’ll never leave you behind. We’re a family, we gotta stick together if we’re gonna survive and get home. We need each other. Besides, if the tables were turned, would you leave me behind?”

“That’s an entirely different matter.” Ford said with a small smile on his ruffed-up face; he resumed his work on the burn more gently now and finished wrapping it up, securing the bandage. “I’m old, I’ve lived my life. You take priority.”

“I don’t care.” Mabel said, copying Ford’s exact tone and voice from earlier. The grown man snorted with amusement.

Ford decided to put this little argument on hold, seeing how there was no changing Mabel’s mind right now. And he didn’t want to spend the entire evening rebuking her. “You did do a very good job disarming those hunters. I’m very proud of you.”

Mabel sat up a little straighter and smiled up at Ford. “Thank you.”

Ford smiled at her and stood, moving to his large backpack to fish out the things for tea and dinner, though it would probably only be dried meat and oats. “I’m just glad you’re okay, pumpkin.”

Mabel’s eyes widened as her world was put on pause. She felt like she was being sucked into a time vortex, transported into a memory.

Grunkle Stan was dusting some zombie parts off of his armchair when Mabel was walking by, leaving the kitchen after giving Soos his cure for zombification. Stan noticed that Mabel looked very tired. He smiled at her from her seat, and Mabel ran up to him and climbed into his lap for a big hug.

“Hey, you alright?” Stan asked.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Are you?”

“Oh, I’m fine. I’m just glad you’re okay, pumpkin.” And he gave her a secure squeeze and Mabel happily hugged him back.

Mabel was shoved back into reality, accompanied by a sinking feeling of loss. She missed Grunkle Stan. She missed Dipper. She missed Waddles, and Soos, and Wendy, and the Shack, and Oregon, and California, and Mom and Dad…

Ford turned back to the fire with a kettle and wire-spider in hand, ready to ask Mabel to fetch some water (she always enjoyed being of assistance), but he stopped when he saw her crying with her eyes shut and wiping her cheeks dry with her wrists. Ford was immediately halted and his priorities shifted drastically. Nothing mattered at this moment but making her feel better.

He was swift. Ford scooped up some water from the clean stream into the kettle, then used the wire-spider to hold the kettle over the fire. Giving the water plenty of time to heat up and steam, Ford gently picked Mabel up from her seat on the log, only to hold her close and let her wrap her arms around his neck. He didn’t say a word, being a social-cripple and having no idea what he could say that would make her feel better, so he stayed silent and was simply there for her.

And really, that was all Mabel needed.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning the two humans were lucky to come across a small rustic town in the woods, reminding Ford of the small Tennessee-town Fiddleford grew up in. Except of course there were no humans, but blue-skinned elves with pointy years and the occasional centaur.

Ford had stolen a bit of money from a hunter yesterday, which meant they got to restock on supplies and even buy a cheap breakfast at an outside cafe. Sitting at a table under an umbrella, Ford was going over his plan with Mabel while she munched on her sweetly-cooked purple apples tossed in spices and sugar.

“... so once we reach this cavern here, we’ll reach a very interesting town called Flush Valley. I’ve heard it specializes in building mechanical limbs and prosthetics, but it’s surrounded by rich minerals perfect for building, so we can find what we need easily here. There may even be a day-by-day job I can get to earn a bit of money for food and shelter.”

“I can work, too! Daddy always said I was like a French horse!” Mabel added in excitedly.

Ford chuckled. “We’ll see. I would feel more comfortable if you were working so I could keep an eye on you. Moving on,” The old scientist sipped his strange alien coffee, but it contained caffeine and somewhat resembled his home dimension’s coffee taste, so he drank it. “The way there could be crawling with scavengers. A lot of people come to Flush Valley just barely hanging on by a thread, easy targets for hunting and stealing food and supplies. So we need to keep our guard up for the next two days.”

“Okay.” Mabel said, as nonchalantly as if Ford told her to remember to add milk to a grocery list.

Ford gave her a firmer look and added, “So, if we think we’re being followed, what do we do?”

“We pretend we don’t know and we keep walking calmly.” Mabel replied. “We keep our eyes open for a way to lose them, and where the sneaky-peaky spies are.”

“Very good.” Ford smiled at her. “If we decide to try to lose them, what do we do?”

“Run as fast as we can. If I can’t catch up I get on your shoulders and focus on making them go away, while you get us away.”

“Yes, excellent. What do we do if we decide to confront them?”

“I grab by sling-shot and exploding rocks and hit as many guys as I can. I aim for the knees or feet so they fall and can’t shoot us. Oh, and we stand with our backs to each other so we see everything, together.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself. Now, if we are surrounded and I find a way to escape, what do you do?”

“Make sure you go in so you can lead the way!” Mabel answered with a grin.

“N-No, honey.” Ford said gently with a smile, as if informing a kindergartner that 1+1=2, not 11. “If I find a way to escape, you go first…”

“No,” Mabel said, still smiling as she shook her head. “You go first so I can make sure you’re coming.”

Ford sighed and took another sip of his drink. “Okay, if I tell you to run, you…”

“I grab your hand and run with you, making sure no one gets lost.”

“Mabel, no.”

“Mabel YES!” The girl grinned with determination. “You’re stuck with me, old man! You can’t get rid of me!”

Ford was getting annoyed at this point. He pinched the bridge of his nose, lifting his glasses up slightly, and growled, “I’m not trying to get rid of you, I’m trying to save you!”

Mabel gave him a very serious look and questioned, “By leaving me alone out here?”

“No! I-...” But Ford stopped and bit his lip. His niece did have an excellent point. As much as Ford was willing to do anything to keep her safe, as much as Ford was willing to sacrifice his own life for her’s, that really wasn’t a good idea.

There was a good chance Mabel could survive without him, at least until she found a nice family to take her in (or, somehow, miraculously, Stanley opened the portal and brought her home, but Ford didn’t dare to hope for that). But she was so young and inexperienced in the Multiverse. At least when Ford was first thrown into the chaos he was an adult and was accustomed to weirdness thanks to his six years of researching Gravity Falls. Mabel was extremely resourceful, imaginative, intelligent, and clever. She was also stronger and faster than many would assume. But she was too trusting. Too innocent. So, not to belittle Mabel or underestimate her, but she was right; she needed Ford, and as noble as it would be to exchange his life for her’s if it came down to it, that would also be incredibly stupid and only buy Mabel a little more time until she was captured or enslaved or killed or even worse.

And of course, only someone as people-smart and clever as Mabel could make Ford see that.

He sighed tiredly. “O-... Okay.” Mabel smiled proudly at him. “Okay, I’ll… I’ll try to be more careful.” Ford promised. “I… I just need you to be safe.”

“Don’t worry, I think we do a pretty good job of keeping each other safe.” Mabel complimented, holding out a bite of her fruit on a fork for Ford.

The old man held up a polite hand and declined, but his stomach turned against him and growled, and Mabel frowned at him, giving Ford a deja vu feeling of his mother forcing him and his brothers to eat their vegetables. So Ford smiled and accepted the sweetly cooked fruit. “Yes, I think so, too.”

[ladylynse]

Chapter 6 [FFN | AO3] of Forewarning

All Dipper knew was that there was something buried in some special thermos behind the shack; all Danny knew was that he had no idea how he'd gotten here.

Based off this artwork by @hashtag-art. Happy birthday, @bibliophilea!

(beginning | previous)

-|-

Once safely back at the Mystery Shack, Wendy turned off the golf cart and grabbed her supplies from the rack in the back. It had been a bumpy ride, but she’d only needed to sacrifice one bag of marshmallows to the forest. That wasn’t bad, considering how many creatures she was fairly sure lived there.

And, fine, maybe it made her a little paranoid to think that some of the bumps she’d hit had been deliberate, a growth of tree roots just so or deep holes suspiciously covered with leaf litter, but it wasn’t like she voiced her thoughts to anyone else.

Besides, whatever lived in the forest seemed happy with the occasional sacrifice of candy. At the very least, she’d never been stopped by something yet, and she took a lot of shortcuts through here by herself. That wasn’t exactly recommended, even for those who knew the territory well. When her family went out for apocalypse training, they were supposed to pair off. They didn’t always, but they did more often than not.

It’s easier to survive if there’s someone you trust around to watch your back, but you have to know how to fight if there isn’t.

Whatever had stopped by the Mystery Shack wasn’t bringing the apocalypse with it—she was pretty sure about that—but she didn’t want this to turn into that. Taking the twins to see the haunted grocery store? Sure. She still hadn’t been sure they’d actually see ghosts despite the stories—no one had been until it had happened—but that was different. That was contained. That was very much not in the Mystery Shack. Where the kids slept. With only the oblivious skeptic Stan around to fight the things that went bump in the night.

Now, if those things were corporeal, she wouldn’t be concerned. The man knew how to punch, and he’d punch before asking questions. But whatever had turned up this time clearly had the option to not be corporeal. Like a ghost.

She remembered the footprints appearing in the scattered baking soda a split second before the boy who’d visited earlier appeared. The same boy who had flashed a careless grin and flipped through postcards and keychains and magnets in the gift shop before taking a tour with Mabel.

Whatever he was, he wasn’t a ghost, but he was entirely too much like a ghost for comfort.

There was no sign of Stan yet—not a surprise; she hadn’t heard his car—but chances were good he wasn’t far behind her.

She saw Soos walking in from the lane and raised her hand in a wave. He spotted her and held a finger to his lips before pointing, and something cold and heavy settled in her gut as she spotted three figures by the woodshed: Mabel, Dipper, and the not-a-ghost boy who’d called himself Danny.

She cursed under her breath as she hurried to meet Soos. “That’s him,” she hissed. “We need to get him away from the twins.”

“Did you find anything in town that we can use?”

“I bought a couple more boxes of salt.” Silver was expensive—too expensive for her, anyway—and she wasn’t exactly guaranteed to find holy water even if she tried breaking into a church, mostly because she didn’t know where she’d look for it. She could’ve bought a cast iron frying pan, but she might as well grab one from the kitchen. The ideas of what they might be able to do had quickly fallen apart when she’d realized what was actually feasible. “It’s better than nothing.”

“What about garlic?”

“For a ghost?”

“You said he wasn’t a ghost.”

“Close enough to a ghost. And, anyway, there should be some in the kitchen. We can always chop up a couple of cloves and see if it does anything.” If it didn’t, and they didn’t waste it, they could always throw it into hamburger meat or make garlic bread. “How long has he been here? The kid?”

“Just a couple of minutes,” Soos allowed, “but this isn’t the first time the kids have met him.”

Wendy closed her eyes. “I know, I just…. I’d hoped they wouldn’t realize he wasn’t normal.” More to the point, she’d hoped that he wouldn’t come back. What the hell did he want, anyway? Sure, he’d said something about fixing whatever was wrong, but their ideas about what needed fixing weren’t likely the same.

“They might not. He was pretending to be normal when he talked to me.”

“He talked to you?”

“Just to ask after Dipper and Mabel.”

Wendy frowned. Soos didn’t sound too optimistic that Mabel and Dipper wouldn’t realize there was something weird about the kid, and frankly, she thought he was right. Mabel might be more forgiving, but Dipper…. “We’ll play it cool. Keep doing whatever you were doing. Try to keep an eye on them without being too obvious about it. I’ll prepare the fire pit.”

“The wood, campfire forks, hot dogs, marshmallows—?”

His gaze had wandered pointedly down to the box of salt pressing against the white plastic bag she carried, its blue label clearly visible. “Yeah. I won’t ring it thickly enough that it’s noticeable, especially since it’ll have to be in the gravel where nothing’s growing anyway, but if he’s going to pretend to be normal, then we’ll see how long he can keep that up.”

“And if he’s not affected by the salt?”

“We cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“And if we’re wrong and he is normal after all?”

Wendy snorted. “If he’s normal, he’s only normal for here.” She saw Soos shift uncomfortably and added, “If Stan comes back before I’m finished, give him the pitch about taking measures to ghost-proof the Mystery Shack and advertising doing that because it’s haunted. He’ll know how to get more of what we need, even if he doesn’t think it’ll do anything.”

“What if he’s not bad? The kid, I mean. Not everything is bad. Not everyone is bad.”

The kid had claimed he wasn’t a threat. He’d said he was stuck, that he just wanted to go home, that he had to fix something, not break it. What if it hadn’t been a lie? She didn’t see how his sneaking around could mean his intentions were honourable, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t missing something.

On the other hand, if he were simply determined to show a friendly face to the twins to get them to lower their guard, only to strike once he’d fooled them—

Wendy wasn’t sure if she wanted to take that risk. Having a healthy amount of suspicion now and apologizing later sounded much better to her than being overly trusting and being burned—especially if she wouldn’t be the only one caught in that fire. She and Soos had lived their entire lives here. Mabel and Dipper had not. They might not yet appreciate the degree to which not everything was as it appeared.

“You don’t need to be ready to attack,” Wendy finally said. “You just need to be ready to defend.” Soos nodded, maybe thinking her words were for both of them, but they weren’t. She had no intentions of simply being ready to defend. She wasn’t about to attack unprovoked, but if this kid did anything that set off alarm bells for her, she’d act on her gut. She trusted her gut more than her head. It was reliable in these sorts of situations.

The trouble was, her gut should have made a call on this already. Instead, she was still conflicted, and more time to mull it over on her trip into town hadn’t helped. Part of her still wanted to take the kid’s words at face value, but the little she’d seen of what he could do backed up the part of her that insisted he was far too dangerous to blindly trust. Soos wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but there was so much that could seem innocuous at first….

The knowledge that Soos was right and they had no idea if salt would actually help defend them didn’t make this any easier—especially when Danny was clearly interested in Mabel and Dipper. Soos had mentioned Dipper having a book, and she remembered seeing glimpses of it before. If that’s what the kid was interested in, how was she supposed to help Dipper and Mabel protect it while still protecting them?

Salt first. Purifying fire and questions later, if the kid decided to stick around for it. As long as he wasn’t hurting her friends, she was willing to give him a shovel and see how deep he dug.

XXXXXXX

Danny didn’t see the journal around, but Dipper apparently didn’t need it to draw his magic circle thing in the dirt. To be fair, Danny didn’t know if it was the same one as before, but he also didn’t want to find out. Which meant taking the initiative and trying to explain before they decided to pull more magic stuff on him.

“Please don’t do whatever you’re planning on doing,” he said, keeping his voice low in the hope that the guy he’d been talking to earlier wouldn’t hear it. “I just want to talk, I swear.”

“Are you ready to explain now?”

That was Dipper, with a bite in his voice that reminded Danny a bit of Valerie. Dipper might not sound even half as malicious as Valerie could when she was spitting curses at Phantom, but he was appropriately wary. “Yeah. But you have to promise you won’t try any magic stuff.”

“No. You’re not defenseless, and I’m not swearing away my ability to protect anyone.”

Oh. Right. He might think that particular promise carried more weight than a regular promise. He seemed to think giving his word would make it impossible to break. Danny didn’t know of any ghosts with that power, and frankly he didn’t want to meet one who had it. “You don’t have to. I just…. I promise I’m not here to hurt you or anyone else. I only want to talk. And not, y’know, risk being exorcised if you don’t believe me.”

Mabel looked from Danny to her brother and raised an eyebrow. He scowled at her but said, “Fine. If you don’t do anything except tell us the truth right now, I won’t try to exorcise you.”

Not ideal, but it wasn’t like Danny was planning on lying through his teeth to them, anyway—or that he couldn’t still attempt a lie if he felt he needed to. He had a feeling it wouldn’t work, though. He hadn’t had a whole lot of luck earlier. Maybe seeing through that thing was a kind of survival instinct around here, just like Secret Lab Guy had said.

Come to that, though— How had he had an entire conversation with someone, spilled half his life story to that someone, and not actually gotten their name?

Whatever. He’d ask later if he didn’t figure it out before then. It just proved the point, though. These people were good. Sharper than he was used to, unless almost everyone in Amity Park had already figured out his secret and was just being nice and waiting for him to make some kind of grand announcement.

Yeah, right. If Amity Park’s continued obliviousness wasn’t natural, then Vlad had done something. Not something Danny would thank him for, exactly, but something he wouldn’t fault him for, either.

“Thanks. Can I sit?” There weren’t chairs. There weren’t even logs. Dipper would be able to tell that he was staring at the circle drawn in the dirt, though, and know the question for what it was.

Mabel reached out one foot and drew a line through it with the toe of her shoe. “Yup!” she said, dropping down in place. “Pull up some grass.”

Dipper glared at her as Danny sat down on a patch that was more gravel than grass, but the other boy didn’t say anything; he just settled down and looked like he’d be ready to grab the axe beside him at a moment’s notice. Danny didn’t really want to find out if he knew how to use it. Then again, going by the assorted sizes of split logs nearby, he wasn’t overly skilled; even if it wasn’t a normal axe that Danny could avoid with intangibility, there was a good chance that Dipper was clumsy enough with it that he’d be easy enough to avoid.

“I’m sorry about not being entirely straight with you earlier when I said I would be.” Danny didn’t know where to begin, but an apology seemed smart when he still wanted their help.

“Which time, Phantom?”

Well, at least there wasn’t any lingering doubt. Danny sucked in a breath and let it out slowly to give himself a bit of time to think. Mabel looked ready to listen, but Dipper…. He still wasn’t sure about Dipper. “This isn’t exactly something I tend to tell strangers,” Danny said slowly, “but you’re right. I’m Phantom. I’m the one you let out of the thermos.”

Dipper was still practicing his glare, but Mabel asked, “So what are you? You’re not a ghost. We’ve seen ghosts.”

“I’m still a ghost,” Danny said, since as far as he knew, that was true. “Just…part ghost. Part human.” He rubbed the back of his neck and offered them a smile. “Remember when I joked about being the poster boy for interdimensional safety?”

“You expect us to believe you were in some sort of accident,” Dipper said flatly.

They didn’t need to know all the details, but— “Yeah. Lab accident. It didn’t kill me, or at least I don’t think it did, but I did get ghost powers, so that’s cool. Not something I’d recommend to anyone, but cool.”

Okay, Dipper definitely didn’t believe that, but Mabel nodded as if Danny had said something normal and not what probably sounded insane. “Why were you in the thermos?”

“Clockwork, I think. He’s the one who gave me the message to warn you in the first place, remember? Also the one who likes to pretend he doesn’t interfere but interferes like this. I thought it was Vlad, until I…until I realized how long it had been. And, no, before you ask, I don’t know who wrote that journal. I wasn’t lying about that. The only important bit I lied about was ‘Danny Fenton’ being a friend.”

“Why fess up now?” Dipper’s question was a challenge, sure, but Danny could hear the genuine curiosity behind it. Chance were, he wasn’t a great liar, either.

“Because I might need your help to get home. Especially if that help involves you trusting me enough to let me help you and you not trying to kill me first.”

“What were you looking for earlier?” Danny blinked, trying to figure out what that meant, and Dipper must have read that confusion on his face because he elaborated, “Mabel heard you. We know you were back before you showed yourself now.”

Right. She had been in the gift shop area, hadn’t she? “I was trying to find some clue about what else I’m supposed to do here.”

“And?”

That meant did you find it? Danny might’ve promised them the truth, but he’d also promised the other guy that he wouldn’t blow that secret, either. More or less. Hopefully that wasn’t what he was supposed to do here? “There’s something weird about this place,” he said instead. “It’s got this…feeling. I don’t know how to describe it.” It was something unnerving, like the feeling the Fright Knight could give you, but with more…. More I’m-watching-you vibes. Vlad times a hundred. If he didn’t need to stick around to get home, he’d be gone by now. Whatever Clockwork was trying to warn these guys away from, it felt like a danger on par with Pariah Dark.

Not that he’d be able to explain that to them.

Mabel reached over to poke Dipper in the arm. “Show him the journal.”

That would make things a lot easier for him. “I could tell you what it has wrong about ghosts. Or at least about me,” he offered. He wanted to do that regardless, but if he could give them more reason to show him, well….

“It seems to be right about you,” Dipper said, “unless you want to pretend that you’ve never been affected by anything we’ve done.”

Danny blew out a breath. “Look. Being part ghost doesn’t mean I’m exempt from everything that works on ghosts. It also means that I need to be careful around hunters, including you guys. But I’m not here to fight you or steal something or whatever your book says about me. I’m the good guy, I swear.”

“The good guy. Who needs his own little dedicated section in the journal.”

“Dedicated section?” That sounded worrisome. How much info did these guys have on him? Some of it had to be accurate, but if it was just full of things he’d done as a ghost with no context, like the stealing—

“More like a paragraph,” Mabel interrupted, “and it’s not even in the same language as the rest of it.”

Wait.

“Not the same language? What language is it?”

“See for yourself,” Mabel said. She elbowed Dipper when he didn’t immediately produce the journal and offer it up and then hissed a few things in his ear for good measure, which finally seemed to convince him. He pulled the journal out from beneath the vest he’d been wearing earlier, flipped through to the right page, and turned it around to show Danny.

Danny leaned closer, but he didn’t recognize the language, either. If it was something ghosts spoke, he’d never seen it written down, but aside from Wulf, most of the ghosts he’d met spoke English. He didn’t know how many other languages they spoke, though. He’d never asked. If this was some common language he had yet to learn….

“It might be the way it’s coded,” Dipper admitted, “instead of actually being in a different language. Some passages in the journal are coded, but they’re all the same code, except for this. I haven’t had any luck cracking it.”

Danny frowned, reading the page over before Dipper could take it away. He couldn’t see anything about a thermos or anything else that would have led them to him in the first place, but there was a bit of gibberish above that section written in green ink that might be the first code—

Wait. Green ink? Everything else in here was black or blue or some kind of brown that Danny really hoped wasn’t blood. “What else is written in this colour?” he asked, pointing to the passage.

“That’s it.”

“In the entire book?” That didn’t make sense. “But…why?”

“When I find the author of the journals,” Dipper said bluntly, “that won’t be one of the first questions I ask.”

“It won’t even be one of the first hundred,” Mabel added. “Dipper’s never understood the importance of colour.”

To be fair, it wasn’t typically high on Danny’s list of priorities, either, but this colour thing was definitely strange. How many other weird things were in that book if this didn’t make the list?

“Does it mean something to you?” Mabel asked.

Danny hesitated. The fact that it happened to be the same colour as his eyes—or his ectoplasm—in ghost mode could be a coincidence, but things tended to be a lot less coincidental when Clockwork was involved. Danny wasn’t really ready to bet that whoever had written this journal had simply run out of every other colour of pen that day. “Maybe,” he admitted, “but only in that it might point toward me.” Or another ghost like him. Hopefully not Danielle.

“So do you know who wrote it?” she prompted.

He shook his head. “I don’t know the handwriting. That’s not saying much, though. There are a lot of people—and ghosts—I know whose handwriting I’d never recognize.” He wasn’t even sure he’d recognize the Ghost Writer’s handwriting. “What does the other part say about me?”

“That something was stuck in a thermos behind the shack,” Mabel answered immediately, ignoring her brother’s glare. “Which it was.”

“It’s a Fenton Thermos, something specifically designed to contain ghosts. My parents build them.” If he wasn’t trying to keep his secret anymore, there was no harm in admitting that. “They’re paranormal scientists and inventors.”

“Like the author of the journal is,” Mabel said, shooting Dipper a pointed look. “That must be why the bit about the thermos is in there.”

“Not— I mean, I’m not thirty years old. Seriously. Do I look that old to you? I just turned fifteen last week.” Well. Last week for him. Not for whenever this was, five years in his future. “Me being in the thermos is Clockwork’s fault.” Probably. Except Clockwork wouldn’t have needed to catch him in a thermos to force him back here; he could’ve simply asked and called in a favour if Danny had complained, which he would’ve. More likely, Clockwork had merely taken advantage of someone else capturing him in a thermos, and that list of possibilities was long—and included more than one ally, even when the capturing was intentional.

“I don’t know all the details, okay? I just…. I haven’t met a ghost besides Clockwork that messes with time.” His evil future self didn’t count, not when Clockwork’s power had still been the vehicle for everything he’d done.

…Danny really hoped this had nothing to do with him. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t appreciate the thermos parallels.

Of course, now that he thought about it, the fact that he’d been stuck in a thermos had to be deliberate. Sure, it was a way to skirt the notice of the Observants, but Clockwork had messed with the timeline before without doing anything sneaky like that. If the thermos was important…. Coupled with the fact that there was a portal being built beneath a place called the Mystery Shack….

“That’s why I’m here.”

“You care to share with the class?” Dipper asked.

“The thermos, the portal—”

“What portal?”

Oops. “The, y’know, whatever, it doesn’t matter, the point is, you said the author of the journals was a paranormal scientist? Maybe an inventor, too?”

“No, no, don’t change the subject. What portal?”

“Like a portal to another dimension?” Mabel queried. “Is that why you talked about interdimensional safety earlier?”

Oh, crud. They weren’t going to let his slip about the portal go. So much for that secret. “Just…never mind that right now. Paranormal scientist. Inventor. Like my parents. He probably didn’t know them, it would’ve been too early on for them to have made a name for themselves, they might not even have been together yet, but…. Okay. This is gonna sound crazy—”

“Crazier than everything else you’ve said?” Dipper asked dryly.

“—but just go with me on this. Please. I know what happened when my parents messed stuff up, and—”

“And you’re warning us so we’re prepared and more careful,” Mabel finished. “So I don’t get impatient and Dipper doesn’t get complacent.”

Danny frowned. “What?”

“Your warning,” she repeated. “You’re not trying to get us to stop what we’re doing. It’s a terrible warning for that. That kind of thing just makes you wanna do it more, whatever it is. So you’re actually warning us to be more careful than you think we would be otherwise.”

Danny opened his mouth to tell her that warning someone not to do something obviously meant they shouldn’t do it, and then he remembered all the times his parents had warned him not to touch stuff in the lab.

Right.

Maybe she wasn’t wrong.

Just because that was what a warning meant, didn’t mean it would always have the desired effect.

Moreover, Clockwork would know exactly what to have Danny say to get the desired effect.

He’d thought he’d come to help with the portal, but he still didn’t know the blueprints of his parents’ portal as well as Tucker did. If this were just about helping them build or fix the portal in the basement without bad consequences, Tucker was a better choice than he was, and Clockwork could most definitely have arranged that.

But Danny had joked about being the poster boy for interdimensional safety, and he could still disassemble and reassemble most of his parents’ weapons in order to tweak them, even if he wasn’t as good at it as Tucker, and he’d be an idiot to keep ignoring the fact that Clockwork had made sure he had a thermos here.

The thermos wasn’t for him. It had never been for him. It had contained him, sure, but Clockwork must’ve made sure he was stuck in one so that he’d think of this. So that he’d think of what they’d done with his evil future self. And so he’d have it when he needed it.

There was a portal in a secret lab in the basement of the Mystery Shack, and the thermos written about in Dipper’s journal was for whatever was coming out of it.

(see more fics | next)

[stanchonkyman]

☆Fear of Heights☆

☆Stanley Pines x Reader☆

♡Fluff♡

-•☆~~~~☆•-

You had been waiting all day for this moment. It had been a long day at the Mystery Shack. The place had been flooding with customers, just waiting to be scammed by none other than Stanley Pines, better known as Mr. Mystery. Though, that had became part of the fun for everyone in Gravity Falls. You, of course just loved the place. You started working there in the beginning of the summer, meeting Stan, Wendy, Soos, and of course Dipper and Mable. You loved them of course. They felt like family to you by now.

But there was someone who always managed to spark more feeling in you than others.

Stanley Pines.

You stood at the sink and washed your hands of all the grime you gained while working, when you felt a presence behind you. She froze and turned your head slightly. Stan was there meeting your gaze. "Oh-! God- Hey there, Stan." You greeted with a slight sigh if relief. "You really startled me there." Stan laughed at your statement. "Hey. That's what I'm here for." He winked, getting a chuckle out of you. This brought that genuine smile to his face that you always loved. Surprisingly, you were the only ones aside from Mable, and Dipper that could manage to give him that smile. The thought of that always warmed your heart.

"Okayyyy.. well, why exactly were you trying to sneak up on me? Its not like you just wanted to scare me." You urged, giving a playful smirk toward Stan. Though, he kept his little smile and looked to the side. "Well. I actually did have something to ask of you." He said. "Oh? What is it?" You tilted your head with curiosity. "Mable, Dipper and me are going to the carnival tomorrow. How about you come along?" He asked. It felt like fireworks were going off inside you. Finally. Some more time with Stan outside of work. That was always a good time.

"Of course! Sounds fun!" You chirped. "Great. See you tonight at 5." Stan grinned. You nodded. "Perfect." You swung your arms around him in a happy hug. You felt Stan stiffen at your motion. You froze and noticed how forward you could have seemed. But before you could pull away, his arms wrapped around you in return. He relaxed into the hug and laid his head against your shoulder. Your face heated up and you gave a light chuckle, just glad you hadn't upset him with your move. "Well. I'll see you then. Dont have too much fun without me." You released yourself from the hug and sent him a wink before basically flying out the door. "You dont have to tell me twice!" He shouted to you with a wave, followed by a distant chuckle.

Once you got home, you nearly melted into your bed. The amount of joy you felt was indescribable. You quickly got up. You did want to look nice.. Stan was going to be there after all. He may be old, but he certainly has standards. You went and opened up your closet, having yet another spark of joy when you saw all the photos of you and the pines family attached to your door. So, you picked out some jeans and a nice comfortable top. After a moment, you put it on and looked in the mirror. You (S/C) skin looked radiant and your (H/C) strands fell delicately. You made any more adjustments till you felt it was perfect. You shot yourself a smile. "Well, (Y/N). Here we go." You grabbed a bag and slung it over your shoulder before sprinting out the door.

After running along the sidewalk for a while, you saw the carnival out in a field. There were rides and cheesy games with prizes, along with those snack stands with all the crappy fried foods. You hadn't been to a carnival in so long.. you nearly felt like you were a kid once more. The smells and the sounds of laughter really gave you a sense of joy. Of course it would be even better as soon as- "Hey (Y/N)! (Y/N)! Over here!" There it was. Mable called your name and turned and jogged over to the group. "Hey (Y/N)! I'm so glad you could make it!" Mable gushed happily, jumping up and hugging you happily. She had become very fond of you over the summer. Dipper looked up and smiled awkwardly. "Hello (Y/N)." He greeted. You waved back to him happily, then feeling another pair of arms wrap around you from behind.

"Stan! Hi!" You chirped, not even having to look back to know it was him. You recognized that hold anywhere. "Hey there (Y/N). I see you didnt ditch us." He grinned, releasing you from his strong grip. For an oldie, he was pretty strong. And that didn't surprise you in the least. You laughed. "Of course I wouldn't ditch you! Why would I do that? You guys are my best friends." You smiled happily to the three. Earning big smiles from each of them. "Ohhhh!!! Grunkle Stan! (Y/N)! I have an ideaaaaa!" She said through a near squeal. Dipper noticed what she was talking about and immediately recoiled and looked at you and Stan. Stan and you looked at one another then back at Mabel. "What is it?" Stan questioned and you nodded as if wondering the same thing.

"You both should go on the ferris wheel together!! You know, like couples do when they get to the top, then give each other and kiss!" Mabel chirped. Both your and Stans faces erupted in a red color. "Mabel-!" You choked out, covering your mouth. "Theres no way in hell-" Stan was cut off by Mabel. "Why notttttt? Are you scareddddd?" She grinned, holding her arms between her back with a seemingly innocent smile. "Oh boy.." Dipper facepalmed and shook his head slowly. "I-" Stan gritted his teeth. "You.." he looked at you. Then back at Mabel, narrowing his eyes. "I ain't scared. I ain't scared of anything." Suddenly, Stans hand grasped yours tightly, your hand basically be engulfed by his.

Before you could protest, Stan was at the ferris wheel. "Go ahead and get in." He told you. You bit your lip and did so. Stan took a breath and got in beside you. The person working the ferris wheel lowered the bar once your seatbelts were secured. Stan still gripped your hand.. and when the ride jerked to a start, his hand tightened around yours. You winced and bit your lip, carefulling looking at Stan. He looked like he was trying to keep a calm face, but he was sweating a bit. He looked.. nervous or scared? Was he afraid of heights? You weren't sure, but you rubbed his hand softly with your thumb. He looked at you. "You okay...(Y/N)?" He asked in a tone as if he was as trying to sound tough.

"Yes... I'm fine. Are you okay though? You seem stressed.." You said softly, wrapping your free arm around him carefully. The cart rocked, causing Stan to flinch. "Hey, hey. Its okay." You said softly, rubbing his arm gently. "You don't like heights, do you?" You questioned softly. Stan looked at you cautiously, shaking his head slightly. "Alright. That's fine. It doesnt matter how tough you are. We all have fears." You reassured him. He shook his head. "No.. I'm not scared." He said. "Its okay to be vulnerable, Stan." You moved and held both of his hands in yours. "Everything's going to be okay. We're going through this together." You reassured him, holding his hands tightly. Then, the ferris wheel stopped. You looked around and that's when you noticed. You were at the top.

Stan froze in place, keeping his 'tough' face. You could sense the stress radiating off of him. "Stan.." you looked at him and cupped his cheek. He looked at you quickly, subconsciously leaning into your touch. Your cheeks warmed slightly. "I'm right here. You're safe. Just focus on me." You told him, earning a small nod from him. He leaned closer to you. "Stan?" He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. The cart rocked slightly and Stan barely reacted this time. He seemed focused on something else. And that something was you. He leaned his forehead against yours. Your face burned a deep red. You could faintly hear Mabel cheering in the background. Stan gave you a look as if asking for permission. You thought for a second. Then have a soft nod. "As long as it's because you want to.."

Without another word, Stan's lips touched yours, and like that the world seemed to freeze. Everything froze and all you could feel was the man in front of you. You cupped both of his cheeks and closed your eyes, melting into the kiss. His scruff brushed against your skin. His hands tightened around your waist to keep you secured. You rubbed his cheek gently with your thumb. It was soft and loving.. which wasnt something you expected from Stan. You expected it to be rough almost, but not in this moment. Maybe it was the fear or the stress. All traces of tension left his body when he pulled his lips back to take a breath. His forehead rested against yours. "Everythings okay. We survived." He looked up. You both reached the bottom of the ferris wheel.

The bar lifted up and the both of you got up, gripping each others hand as you stepped forward, back to Mabel and Dipper. "OH MY GODDDDD!! I got a new scrapbook moment! Look!" Mabel held up her scrapbook, showing both you and Stan a picture of your guy's kiss. Your face reddened. But Stan merely smiled. "Nice catch, sweetie." He ruffled her hair, earning a happy giggle from her. "Anyways, you both go play around. (Y/N) and me have some fun to have." Stan looked at you a sent a wink your way, causing you to go more red than before. Mabel nodded and grabbed Dippers arm, running off and soon theh dissapeared into the crowd. You looked back at Stan. He grinned at you and pressed a kiss to your cheek. You couldnt help but smile. "So.. does this mean?" You questioned shyly. Stan wrapped his arm around your shoulder. "Take it as you will, toots." He pressed another kiss to your temple. You giggled and laid your head against him. Today was a good day..

[gilbirda]

Transcendence

The switching Stans plan was supposed to work, but they failed. And now, Mabel has to face the consequences.

[Read on AO3][Read on FF.net]

She never thought nothing of it. Really, what could go wrong? They managed to stop the Weirmageddon in time with the help of everyone in Gravity Falls, betting everything they have to save their beloved town. But when the bright light subsided, the Pines family knew something went wrong. Horribly wrong. Because Dipper was missing and Mabel couldn’t move at all.

Scared, she started to call for her brother, her brown eyes focusing in things randomly, searching for a sign that he was with her.

“Mabel!”, she faintly heard her uncle Ford scream and her vision tunneled in his face. “Mabel, can you hear me?” She couldn’t nod but focused in his eyes trying to talk through them. “Good, you are here with us.” Then she heard another voice nearby but couldn’t make the words. “Yes, she is fine. No, not responding. We must go back with the others.”

Mabel felt her body be carried in someone’s arms, but she couldn’t see who it was. Everything happened so slowly and yet so fast and bright… Someone please turn off that light! It was hurting her eyes. She could heard voices muffled in the distance, worried voices, but none of them was her brother’s.

Where was Dipper?

--------------------------

She woke in a strange bed that wasn’t hers. At least the room was dark enough and her eyes adjusted perfectly fine to it. She yawned and stretched, feeling the blissful pop in her back and joints. Somehow Mabel felt like a new person, fully rested and prepared for a new day with…

Dipper.

He wasn’t beside her or anywhere in the room, sleeping.

The panic came back, thoughts and memories of their attempt to kill Bill Cipher whirling in her mind, and the same awful feeling in the pit of her stomach when she thought that oh my god where’s Dipper.

She ran downstairs realising by the pictures on the walls that this was Soos’ house, feeling the tears starting to form in the corner of her eyes as the real fact of the destruction of Gravity Falls settled in her mind. The Shack, her sweaters, the memories… gone. They would have to rebuild everything from scratch and Dipper wasn't here.

“Oh, she's awake”, said Abuelita while putting more coffee in a jar on the battered table. Her uncles, Wendy and Soos where sitting there silently sipping their drink and seemingly lost in their thoughts until Ford came back to reality and ran to her.

“Mabel, dear, how are you? Do you feel dizzy? Unwell? Possessed?”, he took out his small light and blinded the girl with it. The panicked voice told her that something was really wrong, and not just her brother's disappearance.

“Leave the kid alone, brother. She looks fine enough for me”, Stan murmured sounding very tired and old. Mabel remembered the swap her uncles made to trick Bill, but Stan seemed to be ok and knowing who they were. At her evident confused face, he answered her questions. “We failed, kid. Bill saw through our plan in the last moment and escaped, but was disintegrated in the process… or that's what brains here thinks happened.” Ford nodded.

“Bill lost his physical form and couldn't go back the moment he entered Stanley's mind. When cornered, realised what we plotted and part of his energy got out.” Ford sighed visibly uncomfortable.

“Dipper….”, the girl whispered as a question. Everyone in the room looked away from her tear-stained face.

“We… we don't know, Mabes”, Stan said softly, a comforting hand in her shoulder.

--------------------------

She didn't eat or sleep for days, refusing to move away from the bed and only accepting the water that Wendy or Abuelita brought her every few hours. Mabel seemed to have lost her will to live, the sparkle in her eyes gone like her brother and more than one thought that Mabel wasn't going to last much.

Word had spread about the tragedy and many considered a funeral for the little Pines boy, but Mabel insisted that he wasn't dead. Dipper couldn't be dead. She swore she could feel him somewhere with the twins ESP (Ford cocked an eyebrow at this), but after three days nobody believed her. Even Mabel started to entertain the thought of Dipper's death when her family left her alone.

Until one restless night, she opened her eyes and saw the world in grey scale.

“...el…”, she heard. Mabel looked everywhere trying to find the source of the voice. “...bel” the voice repeated. It was a boy's voice, but it was so distorted that could be anyone's.

“Mabel!”

“AAAAH!”

The girl fell on her butt and looked up to see… Dipper. Tears pooled on her eyes, happy to see him at last and ignoring the fact that he was translucid. She ran to his arms, crying, mumbling about how lonely she has been and how happy she was to see that he was ok and was coming back.

“Mabel…”, his tone carried multiple voices in one, like whispers floating on the wind. Mabel liked none of that.

“Dipper?”, she asked feeling more confused when he didn’t hug back. “Are you ok?”

The boy watched her with a strange glint in his eyes and a sad expression, as if this was a painful experience for him. He took her hands in his and smiled briefly before getting serious again and spoke:

“Mabel, I’m sorry. I’m afraid…”, he looked elsewhere as his voice cracked in a weird way, “I’m afraid we’ll never see each other again.”

She felt that her whole world fell apart in that moment. Mabel didn’t want to believe him, but if Dipper said so then it must be true. She trusted her brother, but still she had to ask.

“Why…?”

“Mabes, I’m dead. Can’t you see it?” He got back a few steps and stood in the middle of the grey room. His feet didn’t touch the ground and now the girl could see that his body wasn’t really opaque. Oh no. “I died that day, when we killed Bill. Yes, he is dead”, he added when his sister opened her mouth to ask, “and he is gone for. But… Some of his energy escaped from Stan’s mind and got to us in time to survive, like a symbiote, and still lives within us. Within you.” He made a face at the correction.

“And you? Why am I alive?”, tears were running down her cheeks uncontrollably. Her brother was really dead. Dipper wouldn’t come back.

“The energy in me wasn’t enough to protect me from the explosion, but yours was greater. I guess you were the superior twin after all”, the smile in his lips was everything but happy. “Mabes, I…”

He was interrupted by a loud noise from somewhere in the background and the place started to melt. Walls dissolving like a candle burning to its end, the grey-and-white room was slowly warning her that her dream was coming to an end. No, no, no. She didn’t want to wake up!

“Dipper!”, she exclaimed running to her brother, but when she jumped to his arms, instead of getting her very needed hug, Mabel found herself on the trembling floor and with a sore shoulder.

“It’s my time, then”, the boy looked at his hands beginning to disappear and smiled again to his sister. “I love you, Mabel.”

“No!”

“I hope you remember me, as a part of myself will live inside of you forever.” His feet were now gone and his signature pine tree hat was dissolving like sand on the wind.

“No, Dipper. NO!”

“Be happy”, he closed his eyes.

And just like that, all that was left of her brother exploded in tiny little particles floating in mid-air over the carpet she was sitting on. Before she could see what they were clearly, it floated to her chest and passed through her clothes directly to her skin, and a weird warmth condensed in her heart. She could feel it get bigger and bigger, making it difficult to breathe, arching her back.

She opened the eyes she didn’t know were closed and found herself floating in the colored room, the real room, and she was shining brighter than the Sun. On the door, she spotted her uncles and Wendy watching her with their mouth so open that they could swallow a few flies, a hand at the level of the eyes to protect them from the light.

Then, something inside of her snapped and she fell unceremoniously to the floor with a loud thud.

“Mabel!”, she heard Ford before she could see him. Someone took one of her hands and a gloved hand checked her pulse. “Are you ok?”

“Dipper…”, she managed to say.

“Did you see him? Where?” Stanley looked confused.

“He… He is gone, Grunkle”, her voice broke and Mabel felt tears start to fall again. “Dipper is dead.”

--------------------------

The following days were similar to the ones before, but now Mabel refused to go back to her bed. She spent her days sitting on a chair in the living room, watching everyone move around without saying another word. She slept sometimes, but it was scarce. Alas, she never looked really tired.

Ford started to suspect that something had happened that day she woke up being a Star. Something big, and something connected to Bill Cipher. When his grand-niece showed unconscious control over things -stuff floating in mid-air or catching fire without reason, and the like-, Ford felt like crying.

Not only had they lost their precious Dipper, but Mabel was becoming something else. Something dangerous. Demonic.

When he first approached the girl about this, she just held his stare and said nothing, creeping everyone in the room, listening to Ford’s explanation of how this could have happened. He thought that Bill’s energy had a consciousness of its own and attached itself to the twins, trying to survive, transforming their bodies into a more appropriate vessel. The changes may be slow, but they would definitely see it sometime soon. He didn’t say anything about Dipper’s death or strange “fusion” with his sister, but she understood nonetheless.

Mabel just nodded and let herself fall into the catatonic state again when her uncle finished. No more tears or screams. The girl seemed to accept what was happening to her without fight in her body, and the people in the room were afraid that it was too late for her mind. That she was going insane, and that was a word they would not like to associate to their beloved Mabel. It was just too much like him.

As more days passed, the new mayor declared the “Never Mind All That” Act, and started the rebuilding of their town as if a end-of-the-world catastrophe never happened. When the Shack was recovered from the ashes of the battle, the Pines moved to their new home with a broken Mabel lost in her mind, trying not to cry when she walked up the stairs to their… her room with her distant eyes and pale skin.

She didn’t came out for days.

--------------------------

But the dreams came back. Almost everyday, even when she thought she was awake, Mabel saw the evil figure she didn’t want to see ever again in her life. He laughed at her demise, he taunted her, mocked her, made fun of her loss. “Where’s Pine Tree?”, he usually asked, and if he had a mouth she was sure he’d be smiling like crazy.

At first the girl screamed at him, cried, punched him; anything to vent her rage and sorrow. Dipper was dead and she was becoming a… demon, all because a stupid triangle wanted to take over the world. She wanted to die, then. If Dipper wasn’t coming back to her she didn’t want to go on anymore.

She asked the demon. “Just finish me already”, she whispered one lonely night a week later in her black-and-white room at the renewed Shack. “Kill me so I can be at peace with my brother.”

“I can’t do that, Shooting Star”, he said twirling his signature cane in one finger. “And I guess you know it as well as I do.”

She somehow knew he was right, somewhere deep inside told her she just couldn’t

It was one evening when she jumped from the roof and Wendy found her broken body on a bush, crying and bleeding like hell, but definitely alive and awake, that she accepted this new feature of her new reality: She wasn’t going to die anytime soon. Maybe never. An eternity of this was all that was left for her.

Would she age? She didn’t know, but the thought of watching everyone she loved die before her eyes was frightening, even more that the growing powers inside her.

She the cursed everything, wishing for it to disappear. If she couldn’t die, she didn’t want a world where she had loved so much and had been so happy. But the cruel destiny, and a cruel demon triangle, wouldn’t even grant her wish.

“Woah there, girl. You might want to rethink that wish”, he said in one dream but Mabel could hear the underlying mocking tone. “You what they say, it might become true.”

And next morning nothing happened. With all her powers, all the time of the world, and she couldn’t have her one and only wish granted.

--------------------------

As months passed, she had to sit and watch her grunkles worry about her condition, as Ford used to say when they talked about it, when Mabel seemed to sleep less and less to the point that at night she didn’t have anything to do but go to the dreamscape out of boredom. She didn’t need to eat as well, and just sat there watching them eat with her empty eyes, creeping them until she decided to wait for them to eat anywhere else on the house. Stan felt guilty when he was relieved by her decision instead of worried.

And her parents? They lied to them, saying that the twins wanted so hard to stay in Gravity Falls, that they had a home tutor for them. Ford searched his old professor documents and send them by fax (changing his name, since Mabel’s parents didn’t know about Ford and explaining it would mean explaining about Weirdmaggedon) until it was settled that “the twins” could stay. Stan cried for the first time in many years when the call ended. He had failed to everyone, he was supposed to protect the children from harm this summer and he failed.

The summer ended and Mabel got the hang of her new powers, Bill’s powers. She almost could hear his voice on her ear teaching her how to do it. Levitation, flying and making stuff float at will was as easy as breathing now, and small sparks of blue fire appeared on her fingertips when she got angry for whatever reason. The Pines household had accepted the new condition and no longer horrified them, so when she confessed she was being visited by the triangle demon on her “dreams” Ford didn’t even flinch. He has begun to accept that Mabel wasn’t going to turn back to normal. Not when he could almost hear the cursed voice of the bane of his existence on her words. Her eyes no longer full of wonder, but a void so deep and black with a little twist of madness.

--------------------------

The first time that Mabel realised that she couldn’t feel anything was on her own funeral. Watching her parents cry before the empty tombs of her brother and hers she couldn’t bring any grief or sadness to surface, not even one little tear came to her call and her deep brown eyes observed with curiosity as her mother broke down on her father’s arms, the loud sobs filling the enormous cemetery they were burying the little coffins made for the lost twins that died in an “accident” back in Gravity Falls. Just a little fire in the forest near the house and her parents believed that neither body could be found on the ashes.

She knew it was necessary to fake their death up to some point, but time passed so fast now that when Ford asked her to make the fire on the anniversary of Weirdmaggedon it seemed like a blink of the eye for her. Being a creature of pure energy was starting to weigh down on her and it was now that she took notice of her aging grunkles with even more wrinkles that last summer, while she remained the same.

“Oh”, she had said then before turning back to the backyard to fake her own death.

--------------------------

When Soos got married, three years later, everyone had already moved on from the loss of the little Pine twins and her name was written somewhere in a slab on the main road. The ceremony was small, just a few friends and family of the hispanic friend and his beautiful wife, Melody. She was expecting, no surprise, and the man-child never seemed so happy on his life. He promised on his wedding that he would be the father he never got and wished for his baby to be happier than he ever was in his life.

Mabel made a silent promise to make that true when she watched from the sidelines, invisible to the eyes of the townsfolk attending the ceremony; and, for a second, she heard the demon’s voice in her ears, laughing. “It’s that a deal I hear?”, he said. Mabel didn’t flinch. He had been haunting her in her “dreams”, telling her that making deals was now in her nature, that she eventually would fill in his eternal job, that she would trick people into making horrible deals out of desperation. She was disgusted by it, remembering just how he had tricked her brother and her into Weirdmaggedon and resulting in the loss of everything she loved and was.

She was never going into making deals.

--------------------------

A few months after the 10th anniversary of the official death of the twins, another Pines left them for good. Stanley Pines never was one for a healthy life and cholesterol took him away peacefully one night. He didn’t suffer, even died with a smile, maybe a good dream he was having. The town mourned for a week the former Mr Mystery, as Soos took his job and has been managing the Shack for a few years now, visiting the shop and giving their condolences to the friends and family that remained. Mabel floated around listening to the soft whispers, again feeling completely left out without the ability to relate to their feelings. She had never felt so alienated in her life, so different and weird. She looked exactly the same as she did when her life changed forever, the same skirt, the same sweater, the same headband. Her now black eyes was the only thing out of place, that’s true, but no one looked at them now so it didn’t matter anymore.

“Mabel, come here”, she heard Ford’s voice and then she realised that the house was once more empty and it was snowing on the outside. Was it winter again? But it seemed yesterday that her grunkle died and it was in October! Nevertheless, she approached her grunkle and looked at him waiting for what he wanted to say.

The man sighed. She wasn’t his niece anymore and it was more than obvious now. She was in this realm barely every few weeks for a day or two and she didn’t seem to realise that her body was translucent most of the time she became visible for them to speak. She wasn’t the demon he feared she’d become, but she wasn’t Mabel; it was something else in between, a being made of energy from another world in a little girl’s shape with some memories of its vessel’s past life. It didn’t fight for dominion, as the child’s mind and body surrendered to it so many years ago before his own eyes, and fused successfully with her. He wondered if she recognized him at all, if she felt as sad as he was for everything that happened to her and Dipper, if she did care at all for the people she used to love and cherish. He asked himself not few times if there was any humanity left in her body or if she was lost and dead as the town believed her to be.

Nevertheless, he explained that didn’t have much left, that his old body was giving up on him, and that she was going to be on her own. Eventually, she was going to leave Gravity Falls and spend eternity alone… and forgotten. He launched himself in a speech so many times practised alone in the rusty lab downstairs, not looking really at the void eyes of Mabel in front of him, not caring anymore if she was listening or not. When he finished, he took the cane he hated so much and went to his room to sleep.

He died next spring the same way as his twin, with a gentle smile on his lips, dreaming of the future he was robbed with his family united and adventures with his brother in the Stan’o War II.

--------------------------

It was raining that night, but for Mabel it wasn’t even a breeze on her skin. She didn’t feel anything, no pain, no sorrow, not even the cold as it was winter again. A year has passed and when she went to see her grunkle she discovered that he died already. Soos told her so with an uncomfortable smile on his face and a nervous glance to his chubby little son, now six years old, and she got the message that a demon like her wasn’t welcome anymore to the house that once was her home. Mabel smiled in understanding and left to never be seen again, leaving him with a weird pain in his chest wondering if the guilt he was feeling should really be there. He had a family now, responsibilities, and as awesome as having his own ghost haunting the Shack was, he knew she was in the end of the day a demon, and his son’s well being came first.

--------------------------

Kevin, as she later learned was the little boy’s name, was now a young man and Mabel watched him every now and them, taking care of the man’s health and security as she promised so many years ago. Soos’s family was expanding as now two beautiful girls were running around the Shack, sleeping in what once was her room, little twins with identical big smiles and brown eyes full of curiosity. She swore to protect them, the same as their big brother, so they would never suffer the pain of losing their other half like she did in the past.

Soos was getting a few grey hairs on his head, same as Melody, and from time to time Wendy came to the Shack to see how everything was going around, talk about the Pines and have a moment to remember that fateful summer. They were the only ones who did.

Mabel appreciated that. If they didn���t talk about it she knew she’d had forgotten her name long ago as no one called her anymore. She spent almost always in the dreamscape, practising with her powers and focusing in the balance of the demon inside of her. Bill was always there calling her Shooting Star, mocking her, asking for her brother, taking her to the limit. Her only company was the hated demon that took away her life, and she had told him so, but stopped trying to kill him since he seemed to be made of smoke in her dreams.

Little by little, he had said, all that made her Mabel would disappear. “It’s only a matter of time, Shooting Star, that you accept me as your only companion.”

--------------------------

She knew what he meant when she watched her last friend die before her own eyes. Wendy was the one who lasted more than everyone else, reaching more than a hundred years. This time it was cancer what took her friend away and Mabel could do nothing to stop it, her body didn’t respond and could not say the words to make a “deal” to make her stay alive a few more years. At least the woman was loved and had great life, a beautiful family by her side, and lots of children to remind her the wonders of adventure.

Mabel, on the other hand, was now truly alone.

She came back to the dreamscape feeling a bit of despair, a now strange feeling on her empty body, and tears finally came to her eyes. She cried and cried for her lost friend, her brother, her family, her childhood. All of that, brutally taken from her by that disgusting demon laughing at her from his spot a few steps behind.

She turned around and screamed at his face everything she felt, how she hated him and everything he had done to her. She launched herself to him and for the first time, the triangle was solid enough for her to do some real damage to his mocking eye. God, how she hated it when he did that.

Mabel cursed him and screamed so loud until her throat hurt and the tears stopped falling. Her punches didn’t seem to do much damage and his “smile” was still in place when her little arms didn’t move again for another hit.

“Tired already, Shooting Star?”

“Shut up.” Even her own voice seemed strange to her. “I hate you so much.”

“Awwww”, he said with another laugh.

“You destroyed my life”. She closed her eyes feeling more tears coming. Feelings she couldn’t comprehend came back full force and Mabel was being crushed by years of unattended emotions.

“You did”, he answered in a more serious tone, “that day when you tried to kill Bill Cipher. Or have you forgotten already?”

“Shut the fuck up!”, the girl growled and a pulse of energy emerged from her body, launching the triangle a few metres back. “You did it! You killed my brother! You made me this… monster I am now!”. The girl jumped again to the fallen form of her enemy and pinned him under her body.

“Oh dear, don’t be like that”, he smiled with his eye and Mabel felt sick to her stomach. “We are so going to enjoy an eternity together~”.

“I refuse to be stuck with you, Bill Cipher!”, and as if she had said the funniest joke in the multiverse, the demon started to laugh his existence out. The girl-demon was slightly taken aback, but still weary if this was some kind of trick.

“You amuse me, Shooting Star”, the triangle managed to say, “Do you really not recognize yourself?”, and the weirdest thing happened.

Where there wasn’t a mouth, now was a smirk. The triangle was gone with a blink and in his place was the pale body of a girl with a severe need of sunlight, her eyes a black pool of nothingness and her body barely covered by an outfit she did recognize too well, but it was so battered and torn by years of use that the colors had disappeared completely, leaving them almost in greyscale.

She was looking at herself in a mirror. Her hands cut with the raw edges of the glass and blood started to run all over her reflection, making it even more horrible.

The other Mabel laughed at her face, her voice a mix of his voice and her own.

“Surprise!”, she said. “This whole time you were talking to yourself! Isn’t it funny? C’mon Shooting Star, you are the only one not having any fun.”

She jumped back and watched in horror as the reflection got up and jumped out of the mirror, before watching her with a curious smile. She couldn’t believe it. She was really crazy now. Bill was never there, only herself alone in the void of her existence, and it would be so until the end of times. If she ever considered the small possibility of company, even that of her nemesis’, she wasn’t having any of that now. She was truly and completely alone .

Alone…

Mabel smiled and laughed softly. Her walking reflection caught her thoughts and smiled too.

… for all eternity…

It was now a full scale laugh fest, neither of them knowing exactly what was so funny, but laughing until their voices merged as one. Mabel barely thought that how could she even consider that Bill was there, it was obvious now to her the impossibility of it. After all, it seemed her destiny was to be alone.

Alone and forgotten.

She laughed the last bit of happiness there was inside of her body and opened the eyes she didn’t know were closed. Unsurprisingly, her reflection wasn’t there.

The girl-demon looked down to her clothes and thought they needed a change. Something more… fitting. Black pants and a white buttoned shirt appeared instead of the old Mabel-y outfit, along with a black coat lined in gold star motives. Yeah, now we were talking.

She willed a cane in her right hand and smirked when it appeared out of thin air. It was a cool symbol of her predicament and how she came to be. Bill was going to be around her existence forever and the least she could do was pay little tribute to him. But still there was something missing…

With a flick of her wrist, a top hat was in her left hand and she put it in its rightful place. Now, it was just perfect.

--------------------------

The little girl didn’t know why she was doing this. The book she found was nearly illegible and kinda spooky, but it promised the power to protect herself and the ones she cared for. The only thing she needed was some candles and time to make the proper ritual.

The latin words sounded weird out loud, but it was written beside the instructions of the circle she drew with chalk, so they must be the right words. She was sure she said them right when the world shifted and became black and white, all colors fading and time slowing until the little fly on her window seemed frozen in place.

Blue fire emerged from the pentagram on the floor of her bedroom and a figure with a cane materialized on the center of the circle surrounded by the flames as if they didn’t burn at all despite the intense heat.

“Well well…”, the figure said taking off the top hat and twisting the cane on the right hand. “It’s nice to be back!”

The girl was taken aback when the demon was a girl no older than her. Maybe a bit taller, but the same round face, the same big eyes, the same short legs.

“Are you… Are you the demon? Cipher?”, the girl asked trying to keep her voice even. The other girl smiled at the name.

“You could say that~”, she answered putting the hat back over her black headband.

“I need your help”, the child managed to say after a few seconds of hesitation. If this was the demon on the book then she could help her. “I will pay you with everything I have, I’ll give you my soul… but don’t let him take my brother!”. That seemed to spark curiosity on the yellow-ish eyes of the strange demon before her.

“I’m listening.”

“My father.. he is trying to kill me to get to my little brother. His mother died and I am the only one left who could protect him.”

The demon looked at her with those deep eyes that told many stories, many things passing through them so fast she couldn’t figure out what the other was thinking behind the serious mask of indifference.

“I see”, was all she said. Hope bloomed on the girl’s heart and a need for this to be get over with soon rose. Her brother was in danger and the demon was looking at her room like it was some kind of museum!

“Are you going to help me?”, the need was obvious on her voice and the demon looked back to her with a wicked smile on her lips.

“It’d come with a price, you know.”

“Anything!”, the child shrieked. That amused the demon even more.

“All right then, we’ll work the details later. Tonight, you’ll sleep like a baby and tomorrow all will be gone. It’s a deal?”, the girl-demon extended her gloved hand surrounded in blue flames and the other girl didn’t even hesitate. The decision was made. Her brother was worth it.

“It’s a deal.”

And with another creepy maniacal laugh the demon was gone, color was back and time resumed its course as if she was never there.

Next morning, her house was filled with police sirens and medics. Her father had been stabbed overnight in a robbery gone wrong. An aunt she had never heard of came home in tears, willing to adopt them.

It was many many years later when she found out her price: She couldn’t find, no matter how hard she looked, one sole photograph of her with her brother.

[orangeoctopi7]

Better to Say Too Much

“Say What You Mean to Say” 

Chapter 1

The attic bedroom was filled with awkward silence after Stan forced them to go to bed early. They each lay in their beds, trying to look occupied with reading or knitting, but still glancing over at the other every few seconds. Finally, they both couldn't take the quiet any more.

"Dipper, I'm--"

"Mabel, are you--"

They both laughed awkwardly.

"You first." Dipper offered.

"I… I'm really worried about Bill coming back." Mabel admitted, "you got really hurt the last time, and you could've been hurt way worse if we hadn't been able to stop him at the puppet show. I don't want something like that to happen again. It's more important than ever that we look out for each other."

"It'll be ok, Mabel." Dipper assured her. "Bill can't get to us as long as we're inside the barrier."

A small smile spread across her lips, but she didn't look completely comforted. "What were you gonna say?"

Dipper fidgeted with his sheets. "I was gonna ask… are you still mad at me?"

Mabel glanced back down at her knitting. She was, a little bit. But she couldn’t say that after she’d just told her brother how important it was that they look out for each other. “Well… I haven’t changed my mind about how I feel about you taking Ford’s apprenticeship. But, I know you need more time to think about it, so… I’m just not gonna talk about it for now.”

“So that’s a yes?” Dipper read between the lines.

The colorful girl frowned. “Blargh! I don’t wanna be mad at you, especially not right now, but I just-- I don’t want things to change! I like the way my life is now!”

“Things can’t stay frozen like this forever Mabel, that’s just how life works. Things change.”

Mabel buried herself into her blankets. “I guess.” She mumbled sullenly. “Let’s just not talk about it right now, OK? I know you want time to think about it.”

“Ok, but we do need to talk about this at some point.”

“I already told you what I think about it.”

“Yeah, but we need to talk about it when we’re both calm and not super emotional. I’m not gonna make a decision without your input.”

Mabel poked her head back out of her blankets. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Dipper affirmed,  “You were right, this affects you too.”

That certainly made Mabel feel a little better. But it also made her a little anxious. She was going to have to come up with a calm, rational, Dipper-friendly explanation for why she thought the apprenticeship with Ford was a bad idea beyond just ‘You are my brother and I don’t want you to leave me’.

* * *

Sunlight was just barely beginning to filter through the darkness when Stan was awoken by the sound of power tools the next morning. He groggily rose out of bed, wondering if Soos had come in early and started on some repairs around the shack. It wouldn’t be the first time. As the racket continued, Stan once again found himself wondering how the heck the kids could sleep through all this noise. Upon reaching the gift shop, Stan found not Soos, but Ford, in the middle of messing with the security cameras. 

“...Did you even sleep last night?” Stan asked, still half-asleep.

“No, I spent most of the night attempting to crack open the containment unit.” Ford replied without turning around. Apparently he’d seen his brother coming on the security feed. “I only managed to expand the crack another millimeter or so, but it’s clear that Mabel was right. It’s curing more slowly within the dome.”

“Uh... “ Whatever his brother had just said went right over Stan’s still sleep-addled head. “What’re you doin’ up here?”

“You said I could use your security cameras to monitor the secret entrance to the lab." Ford reminded him. "You also said if I stayed in here, it would attract too much attention. So I'm rerouting the feed to the den."

"I said you could watch the video feed from my office.”

"It takes exactly forty-three seconds for me to run downstairs from your office to the secret entrance. In that time someone could input the code and be halfway down the elevator. I'm going to be set up right on the other side of that door." Ford pointed to the Employees Only sign that led into the den.

"Why don't you just change it over to a wireless feed, while you're at it." Stan rolled his eyes. 

"That’s what I’m doing." Ford answered, not realizing his brother's question had been both rhetorical and sarcastic. 

“Fine. Just don’t forget, you’re supposed to call Dipper ‘n Mabel’s parents today.” Stan reminded him.

Ford checked his watch. “I doubt they’re up at this hour.”

“Then why the heck are you up doin’ this!?”

“I need to finish before you open this place up to tours.”

Stan gave a roaring yawn. “Oh yeah, that reminds me.” He taped an Out of Order sign up on the vending machine. “So you don’t come charging in guns ablazing every time some schmuck wants a cheese log.”

“Good thinking.” Ford said simply.

“Welp, I’m already up. Might as well start makin’ breakfast.” Stan scratched his rear and turned to leave. He almost asked Ford if he wanted anything, but thought better of it. His brother at least came upstairs to have dinner with the family most days, but Stan never saw him eat any other meals. Dipper had mentioned something about nutrition pills at some point. Stan thought that was an affront against nature and taste buds, but hey, if it meant one less mouth to feed, he wasn’t going to complain.

* * *

Ford did finish his upgrade of the security cameras before the Mystery Shack opened, although it hardly mattered. The only people there that morning were Wendy and Soos.

“Aw man, the vending machine’s out of order again?” Wendy complained when she saw the sign taped up on its front.

“Eh, not exactly.” Stan shrugged. “My brother’s got some super-dangerous ball of glitter-glue down there, and this jerk called Bill wants to steal it. I figured it was safer just to not let anybody use the vending machine. I did the same thing right after those agents started snooping around.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot there really is a secret passage back there!” Wendy recalled  “That’s so weird, I had a dream about that last night.” 

The Employees Only door slammed open and Ford loomed into the gift shop.

"Oh, hey Stan Two." Wendy greeted him, as if it were perfectly normal for your boss' long-lost twin to suddenly barge in on a conversation.

"Tell me everything you can remember about this dream." The old researcher demanded.

"Well, that's what was really weird about it. I don't normally remember my dreams, but this one was really vivid." Wendy explained.

"Yes, and what happened?"

"Uh, I opened up the secret passage behind the vending machine… then there were like stairs leading to an elevator? That was really weird. Then when I got out of the elevator there were like, I dunno, balloons or bubbles or something everywhere? Dipper was down there, but he was weird too. Kinda like when he went nuts during Mabel's puppet show last month? Anyway, he handed me my axe and wanted me to start popping the bubbles, or whatever they were. Like I said, man, it was weird."

"How did it end?" Ford asked frantically.

"Uh, I think I woke up after he gave me the axe."

"Did you make any deals? Did you shake his hand!?"

"Nnnnnooo?" Wendy replied, starting to feel a little weirded out.

Ford grabbed her by the shoulders. "This is gravely serious. Your dreams were invaded last night by Bill Cipher."

"Wait, you mean like that jerk Mabel needed the unicorn hair to get rid of?"

"Yes, and he's trying to convince you to cut open the rift I already sealed! What exactly did he say to you?"

"Who, you mean the Dipper in my dream?"

"Yes, I'm almost certain that was Bill in disguise. Did he have yellow eyes?"

Wendy looked genuinely spooked now. "How… how did you know that?"

"What did he say to you?" Ford repeated forcefully.

"Relax, Captain Paranoid." Stan stepped between his brother and his employee. 

"I am not paranoid!!" Ford shouted. "There is no possible way she could just coincidentally dream all those details, it has to be Bill!"

"I know, alright, but you're freaking her out!"

To the untrained eye, Wendy just looked mildly perturbed, but Stan had known her long enough to know mildly perturbed for Wendy was on the verge of a panic attack for an average person.

Ford tried to reel in his frantic, fearful energy, but he still needed to know what happened. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to frighten you, it's just--"

"I'm not frightened." Wendy insisted. "It's just a lot to take in, ya know?" She paused and thought back to her dream. "He just handed me my axe, and said 'Have at it, Red!' and that's not how Dipper talks to me, so I woke up."

Stan could practically see the gears turning in Ford’s head as the old researcher tried to guess what Bill was up to. The old conman was pretty worried about the whole thing himself; he honestly hadn’t thought Bill would bother anyone outside their immediate family, but he wasn’t about to let any of that show. Wendy was freaked out enough as it was. 

“Thank you… Wendy, was it?” Ford finally said. “For now, you needn’t worry. Just be cautious if you have any more strange dreams: don’t shake anyone’s hand, don’t make any deals, and don’t burst any bubbles, balloons, or other dome-like things.”

“Yeah, sure.” Wendy nodded, which Stan knew was probably the strongest affirmative she’d ever give any adult. 

“Do you dudes wanna hear about the weird dream I had last night?” Soos asked.

“Yes.” Ford said gravely.

“Oh boy.” Stan just rolled his eyes.

“Ok, so I was at Beryl City Nerdic Con with Melody, only she wasn’t actually there in person, she was just there on my laptop that I had to carry around with me, and I was trying to go to a panel where Mr. Pines was the guest speaker, except the room kept on getting changed, so I was running all over the convention center, but I had to be careful not to drop my laptop, or Melody couldn’t see what was happening. And then they moved the panel to a tent outside…”

Stan pulled Wendy aside while Soos continued the ramble on. “Hey, kid, we’re pretty slow today, so if you’re not feelin’ great after last night--”

“I’m fine, Mr. Pines.” The girl insisted. But the fact that she’d passed up an opportunity to get out of work for the day was practically a blinking sign advertising the fact that she was definitely not fine. 

“If you say so.” Stan folded his arms. “But like I said, we’re slow. Do me a favor an’ go check on the kids. I haven’t seen either of ‘em all morning.”

“Yeah, alright.” She walked through the Employees Only door and into the main part of the house. Stan was sure Dipper and Mabel would do a better job of explaining what was going on and comforting the teen than his brother had. Of course, Ford had set the bar pretty low.

“... So I spent like, the next twenty minutes of the dream working on this dude’s engine. And when I’m finally done, instead of asking him to give me a ride to the panel, I just keep walking! I didn’t even realize I could’ve asked him that until we were like a block down the street and Melody brought it up! So then it started raining--”

“Soos,” Ford finally interrupted the handyman’s long winded retelling. “Were there yellow eyes at any point in this dream?” 

“Uh, not that I remember.”

“Did you ever shake anyone’s hand?”

“Nah, I had to keep holding on to Melody’s laptop.”

“Did you make a deal with anyone?”

“Well, I did start working at that restaurant, and fix that one dude’s truck. But those weren’t really deals, I don’t think. I just saw jobs that needed to be done.”

“Then I think I can say with certainty that Bill Cipher did not enter your dreams last night.”

“Heheh, what a relief! So anyway, once we got to the tent where the panel was being held…”

* * *

Mabel had been texting back and forth with Pacifica since she’d gotten up that morning. 

Pacifica, I have a weird question for you

I thought I told you to delete this number

And for the last time, it wasn’t actually a hug

No, not about you and diper

*Dipper

Have your parents been acting weird lately?

What do you mean they’re never weird

They’re the opposite of weird

They’re just really rich and controlling

I mean have they been acting different from usual?

No they’re just mad at me

 why?

Its a long story. Come over later and ill tell you about it!!!

Can’t

I’m super grounded after the photoshoot thing

Do we need to come rescue you???!?!

No please don’t I’ll just get in more trouble

:( :( :(

Well let me know if you have any weird dreams or anything

Why what’s going on?

I don’t think its safe to talk bout it over phone

Are you ok?

:D :D :D :D 

Yeah im fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I helped Grunkle Ford set up a protection spell

You remember he was the one you said looked like hot Stan

OMG SHUT UP!!

The colorful girl hadn’t heard back from her crazy rich rival since that last comment, but at least it seemed nothing was up with the Northwests. Mabel sighed as she hugged Waddles and scrolled back up through their conversation. She may have stretched the truth a bit with Pacifica. “Fine” probably wasn’t the right word for how she felt. But she didn’t want her friend to worry about her. 

She was interrupted from her thoughts by a knock on the door. 

“What up, dudes?” Wendy called from the other side.

Mabel finally got up out of bed and opened the door to her teenaged friend. “Wendy! What are you doing up here?”

“Stan asked me to come check on you guys.” She shrugged. “Hey, where’s Dipper?”

“I think he’s on the roof. He… he needed some time to himself for thinking.”

“Well, he’d better be done, ‘cuz I need to talk to him.” Wendy said sternly.

Mabel led the ginger teen over to the nearest window with access to the roof. It wasn’t necessary, Wendy knew her way around the Shack, but the colorful girl needed an excuse to get up and out of her room. Once Wendy was outside, Waddles started thumping down the stairs, probably in search of a late breakfast. Mabel followed him down the stairs and into the kitchen. 

Stan had made bacon and cheesy eggs, although they’d gone cold by the time Mabel reached them. Oh well, it was nothing a few seconds in the microwave couldn’t fix. The girl scooped the eggs into a bowl and nuked them for a few seconds. Waddles sniffed at the food on the table above him.

“No Waddles!” Mabel admonished him, pushing away the plate of bacon. “That’s cannibalism!”

Once it was warmed, she scooped half her eggs directly into the pig’s mouth, then proceeded to eat the rest herself. After finishing breakfast, she made a beeline for the livingroom and the TV, intent on watching Saturday morning cartoons. The den and the livingroom kind of bled into each other, and when Mabel sat down on the recliner in front of the TV, she couldn’t help but notice Ford sitting at the card table around the corner, intently watching his own screen. 

The girl wondered if this was the right time to finally confront Ford about the apprenticeship thing. They were alone in the house at the moment, but he looked busy. Then she remembered. Ford had said he wanted to watch the security cameras to make sure no tourists tried to get into the lab today! Mabel knew better than to try and interrupt that, so she just flipped on the TV instead. 

The sound of the TV turning on, however, alerted Ford to her presence. The old researcher looked up at her, then back down at his screen, then glanced at the door, back at the screen, and finally back up at Mabel again.

"Mabel, may I speak with you for a moment?" He asked.

Mabel's brain tripped all over itself. This was her chance, but what was she supposed to say? How could she explain to her Grunkle how what he was offering Dipper was hurting her? Would he get mad at her? Was she going to lose control of her emotions and get mad at him?

Her apprehension must have been apparent, because Ford crossed the room and knelt down beside her, getting on her eye level. "I want you to know, it was never my intention to hurt you by offering Dipper the apprenticeship. I guessed it might upset you, but I didn't realize just how strongly you'd react, or how terrible my timing was. I'm afraid I can't give you the same kind of personalized education I can give your brother, the kind of education you deserve, but you're welcome to stay here too, if you wish."

The girl was stunned, unsure of how to react. Her thoughts, which had already been scrambling to figure out how to confront Ford, were knocked completely off-course. Wasn’t this what she wanted? More time in Gravity Falls? More time to spend with her new family and friends? More time to have adventures with her brother? Or had her new Grunkle’s offer just made her situation worse? If Mabel stayed in Gravity Falls, she wouldn’t get to go to school with her old friends, wouldn’t get to go home to her mom and dad, or her cat, back in Piedmont. 

“...Mabel?” Ford asked when she hesitated.

“I know you’re trying to make me feel better, but you’re not!” She finally cried. “You’re making me choose between my brother and my parents!”

“Mabel, no--”

“Yes, you are!” She maintained, with tears in her eyes. “I know you’ve been alone for a long time, and you’re mad at your brother, b-but you’ve got to understand how hard a decision you’re asking us to make!”

The old researcher was obviously distressed that he’d made his niece cry, but he went on talking anyway.

“Mabel, I do realize how difficult a decision this is... and you don’t have to make that decision right away. I just-- just realized it wasn’t fair to not at least give you that option. And I know you’re capable. You’ve already made several difficult decisions this summer, from what I’ve heard.”

“So what’s one more, right?” She cried indignantly, wiping furiously away at her tears and storming off. 

Unfortunately, the sounds of their argument had attracted Stan. He poked his head in from the gift shop just in time to see Mabel’s aggrieved exit. The old conman entered the room, and if looks could kill, Ford would have been dead on the spot. 

“What. Did you. Do?” 

* * *

The roof held its fair share of bad memories for Dipper. It was where Wax Sherlock Holmes had tried to kill him, where Tyrone had melted, where Bill had first tried to make a deal with him. But there were some good memories too. It was where he’d first started hanging out with Wendy, where he’d lit off fireworks with Grunkle Stan and Mabel, where he still liked to go when he needed someplace to think. It was some peace and quiet away from his raucous family members. Dipper definitely got why Ford spent so much time in the basement. 

Today it was especially nice. The weather was cooling as fall approached, and a pleasant breeze whispered through the treetops. The sun-warmed shingles were just the right temperature, making a comfortable seat. 

Dipper needed the tranquil environment. He had a lot on his mind, and a big decision to make. Today was the first time since Ford had offered him the apprenticeship that he had an opportunity to stop and really consider his options. So far, the boy had compiled a detailed pros and cons chart, and was currently in the process of reviewing that list and giving each item a weighted score. Pros like “Don’t have to ride bus back to Piedmont” only got one point, while pros like “Get to explore UFO” got ten. The cons were rated on a similar scale, with the worst one, “Don’t go home with Mabel”, getting a score of eleven, because it was a very bad con. 

“Hmmm, get to hang out with Wendy after school… Would that be a six or a seven? Mabey an eight?” He mumbled to himself.

“I’d go with eight. I might be biased though.” Wendy’s voice replied behind him.

The boy’s face flushed the same shade of red as the teen’s hair. “W-wendy! I-I’m sorry, I didn’t notice you there! It’s not--I’m not--I just wanna hang out as friends, I swear!”

“Don’t sweat it, man!” She punched him playfully in the arm. “I’m the one who snuck up on you.”

“Heh.” Dipper forced out an awkward chuckle. “Did you come up here to escape work?”

“Eh, sorta.” Wendy waggled her hand in a so-so motion. “Stan asked me to check on you dudes.”

“Oh. Yeah, everyone’s kinda freaked out right now ‘cuz Bill showed up yesterday. He tried to make a deal with Mabel and Stan, and then when he couldn’t, he got angry and started making threats. Ford’s got something he wants, but it’s safe, thanks to that unicorn hair you and Mabel got the other day. We just have to make sure it stays that way.”

“Yyyeah, that’s kinda the other reason I’m up here.” Wendy admitted.

Dipper turned his full attention to her. He hadn’t seen Wendy this nervous since they almost got their memories wiped. 

“So… I had a weird dream last night. I didn’t really think anything of it until I talked to Ford about it when I got into work just now… but… he seemed to think it was that Bill guy, and honestly… I think he’s right.”

Dipper’s eyes widened with fear. “Ohmigosh, a-are you ok? What happened? Did he try to make a deal with you? Did he threaten you or your family?”

“Nah, dude, he just… It was weird, I guess in the dream he was pretending to be you? I went down into the Shack’s basement and it was filled with these bubbles of glitter, or something, and you were down there, but your eyes were yellow and you were calling me weird names. You gave me my axe and said ‘Have at it’. Or, Bill did, I guess.”

The breeze that had once felt pleasant was now sending shivers up Dipper’s spine. “The rift! He was trying to get you to cut open the rift!”

"Yeah, that's what your Uncle said. Uh, and that is…?” Wendy asked.

The boy hesitated. Ford had asked Dipper not to tell anyone about the rift, not even Stan or Mabel… but that had almost led to Bill tricking them yesterday. He probably would have, if not for Stan’s instincts. It would probably be best if he told Wendy, right? He’d already kinda spilled the beans, after all.

“The portal that Stan used to bring Ford home created a rip in the universe.” Dipper explained. “Bill wants it so he can invade our world. Me and Ford sealed it up with an alien adhesive, but it’s taking longer to dry than we thought, so it’s still vulnerable. And Bill will try to convince anyone to break it open.”

“Yeah, well he wasn’t all that convincing, if you ask me.” Wendy said flippantly.

Dipper thought back to that night over a month ago on this very roof. “He wasn’t that convincing the first time he tried to trick me either. But then he showed up when I was desperate, and…” He suddenly understood why Ford had been so reluctant to share his past with Bill. Dipper couldn’t reveal such an embarrassing secret, especially not to Wendy. Still, it was probably the most effective way to explain what Bill was capable of to her.

“You remember what happened at Mabel’s puppet show, last month?”

“Yeah dude, you were so sleep deprived you started acting like the villain from a bad slasher flick.”

“That… wasn’t sleep deprivation. Bill possessed me.”

“Wait, what?” Wendy asked in disbelief.

“I-I screwed up. He said he’d give me the answers I was looking for, and all he wanted in return was a puppet. But I was the puppet!”

Wendy stared at him in horror. Dipper’s stomach flip-flopped. Was she going to tell him off for being stupid enough to fall for such an obvious trick? Was she afraid that Bill would come back and possess him again? Did she even believe him, or did she think he’d finally lost his mind?

“That wasn’t you…” she finally spoke in a low voice  “...and I didn’t even realize… no, I knew something was off, but… Oh my gosh, Dipper, I’m so sorry, I should’ve done something!” 

“What? No, Wendy, it’s not your fault!” he assured her. “I just wanted to warn you! Bill might come back, you need to know how he works, what he might try to do.”

The ginger teen stared out over the forest with a far-away look, her knuckles bone-white as she tightly gripped the edge of the roof. Dipper realized her gaze was pointed towards her house.

“Hey, uh, if I were to get my hands on some more unicorn hair, would your uncle be able to, I dunno, protect my house the way he did to the Shack?”

“Uh, I think so…” Dipper replied. “I’d have to ask him first.”

“Great. You talk to Ford. I gotta go talk to Stan. I think I’m gonna take the day off after all.”

* * *

Stan had just finished up a tour with a young couple who seemed more interested in each other than the exhibits. Eh, he’d take what he could get. Maybe he could set up a secluded corner of the gift shop and charge them to use the “Mystery Make-out Cave”. 

He’d been about to move the T-shirt rack to start just that, when he heard a raised voice coming from the den. Stan turned up his hearing aide and leaned his ear against the door. It was Mabel, and she sounded upset. Next, he heard the long-winded ramblings of Ford. Whatever his big-mouthed brother had said obviously didn’t make Mabel feel any better. Stan poked his head into the room to see what all the commotion was about, just in time to see her fleeing the room. He’d only caught a glimpse of her face before she rounded the corner, but it was enough to see the tears streaming down her cheeks.

“What. Did you. Do?” Stan asked, his voice dangerously low.

Ford at least had the decency to feel guilty about making his niece cry. “I-I just told her she was welcome to stay here with Dipper during his apprenticeship, but for some reason beyond my understanding--”

“You did what!?” Stan growled.

“You’re the one who told me I was excluding Mabel by not extending her an offer as well!”

“You were supposed to call their parents first, genius!”

“You never said anything about which one I was supposed to do first!”

Part of Stan wanted to shake his brother, ask him how a guy with 12 PhD’s could be so stupid. But the other part of Stan knew Ford had always been like this. You had to give him ridiculously specific instructions when it came to social interactions, or he’d completely mess them up. Sometimes he’d mess them up even with instructions. It was Stan’s own fault for not saying “First you have to call the kids’ parents and get their permission. Then, there won’t be a then because there’s no way on Earth they’ll ever agree to it!”

Instead, Stan just pinched the bridge of his nose, massaged his eyes in a futile attempt to stop the oncoming stress-headache, and heaved a sigh of frustration.  

“You know what your problem is? You’re treatin’ these kids like adults.”

“You see that as a problem?” Ford raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps your problem is that you treat them too much like children.”

“I don’t mean talkin’ down to them, or babying them!” Stan clarified. “I mean tryin’ to give them a normal-ish childhood! I mean not expectin’ them to grow up too fast! I mean not dumping huge problems or decisions on them! I mean lettin’ them enjoy bein’ young while they still can!”

“Normal is overrated.” Ford replied coolly. “And I still fail to see why they can’t enjoy being young here in Gravity Falls.”

Stan gave up. Why did he ever think his brother would listen to him? There was obviously only one way he was gonna make Ford see reason.

“Alright, time for you to call the kids parents.”

“I’ll call them after you shut down the gift shop for the day.” Ford said, looking back down at the security feed on his future-tech screen. 

“Quit putting it off, Sixer! I’ll watch the gift shop. You go call. Now.” Stan insisted forcefully.

Thankfully, Ford relented. Just as he was about to enter the kitchen to access the phone there, Stan stopped him.

“Their numbers are on the fridge. Micha and Deborah. You probably have the best chance of reachin’ Debbs this time of day. Don’t call her Debbie, or she’ll chew you out for fifteen minutes.”

“Noted.” Ford nodded.

Stan returned to the gift shop. Someone had to keep an eye on the vending machine, after all. Of course, he was also going to keep an ear on Ford’s call, to make sure the nerd didn’t worm his way out of actually asking for permission. 

When they were kids growing up in New Jersey, Stan and Ford would often listen in on their mother’s customers by carefully picking up the second receiver downstairs in the pawn shop. All they had to do was cover the mic and be careful not to giggle too much, and even their mom wouldn’t realize they were listening in until either one of them laughed too loud or dropped the phone. Stan’s landline had a second receiver in the gift shop, right next to the cash register.

The old conman picked up the phone, pressed his thumb over the mic, and held the speaker up to his ear. Bingo! It was still ringing, and it didn’t seem that Ford realized his brother was listening in, as the old nerd was humming to himself as he waited.

“Hello? Stanford?” Debbs asked as she answered the phone.

Ford's little gasp was amplified by the crackle of his breath into the phone's mic. "H-how did you-- you know who I am?"

"Caller ID, silly!" She explained with a giggle. "I know you're old, Stan, but it's been a thing since the 80's."

"Actually, it's been around since the 60's," Ford corrected her, "although I imagine its use became much more widespread after 1982."

"Uh, yeah… Stanford, are you sick? You sound, um… you don't sound like yourself."

Stan grit his teeth. Sure, rub salt in that wound. Because his brother didn't already hate him enough.

"I'm fine." Ford answered stiffly. "It's an incredibly long story, one I don't have time to relate over the phone now. Suffice to say, I'm more myself now than I've been in the last 30 years. But I have more important things to discuss with you."

"Is everything ok?" Debbs asked, a hint of worry coloring her voice.

Don't mention the dream demon threatening to kill us all! Stan thought desperately.

"Oh, I'm not calling about any trouble." Ford assured her.

Stan breathed a sigh of relief. So his brother wasn't completely clueless after all.

"I'm actually calling because I have a great opportunity for Dipper and Mabel!" The old researcher continued enthusiastically.

"Did you find discounted bus tickets?"

"No. In fact, there's a good chance you won't need to buy bus tickets at all! You see, I'd like to take Dipper on as my apprentice studying the anomalies of Gravity Falls! Mabel is welcome to stay too, although I'll need to find an appropriate teacher for her as soon as I take care of… ah, some more pressing matters in my work. I promise you, I'll make sure they continue to keep in regular contact with you through weekly letters, and with modern communications technology, you'll be able to talk with them face-to-face whenever you like. We'll also make time to come down and visit as often as our studies will allow. All I need is your permission for them to continue their stay here."

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. Finally, Debbs giggled nervously, like she was forcing herself to laugh at a joke she didn't get.

"Uhhh, that's great Stan. Are you practicing one of your new sales pitches on me?"

"I assure you, this is not one of my brother's schemes." Ford insisted. "You're my family, I would never expect any kind of compensation, regardless of how much the price of a secondary education had risen."

"Secondary education? I don't understand. What are you talking about?"

"I realize they're both at a seventh-grade level now, but I have twelve PhD's. With my one-on-one personalized teaching, even Mabel could begin learning at the college level in a couple of years. As for Dipper, I'm confident he could reach that level before next summer."

“No.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll need to speak to your husband about it first, but we’ve still got another week to come to an agreement.”

Debbs' voice switched from sweet and patient to icy and venomous. "Listen, I dunno who you think you are, but you're not getting my kids!!"

“Y-you misunderstand me.” Ford’s voice faltered. “I don’t want to take your kids away from you, I’m just trying to give them a better education than what’s available to them back in California. Like I said, we’ll keep in regular contact, and we’ll come to visit--”

“Oh, I don’t care what kinda ‘better education’ you’re offering!” Debbs snapped sharply. “Nothing is worth being separated from my children!”

“What? But… but you’re separated from them right now! You’ve been separated for months! Why is it suddenly a problem now?” Ford asked in confusion.

“Two and a half months.” Debbs clarified. “Two and a half months so they could get out of the city and spend some time in the great outdoors, and even that’s been hard. And you expect me to just… just let my babies move away?”

“E-everyone moves away from home eventually, though.” Ford reasoned. “Surely, you don’t want them to still be living with you when they’re in their thirties!”

“Eventually, maybe. But not when they’re barely even thirteen!” She retorted. “Now you listen to me Stanford, or whoever you are. My kids had better be on the bus back to Piedmont come next Friday, or I’m coming up there to get them myself. And you’d better believe if I have to do that, they’re never going back to Gravity Falls again!”

With that, she hung up. Stan quickly hung up as well, so Ford didn’t notice the line was still active. 

“...Great.” Stan hissed to himself, massaging his temples. That stress headache was really setting in now. 

He’d been counting on this talk with the kids’ folks to be a wake-up call to Ford, but he hadn’t stopped to think about how much damage control he was gonna have to do afterwards. How could he have forgotten how much of an interpersonal relationship disaster his brother was? He should have been there in the same room with Ford, coaching him through it, making sure the nerd didn’t screw things up for both of them like this. 

Stan picked the phone back up and dialed Deborah’s number, hoping against all logic that she’d pick up. He needed to fix this, or he might never be allowed to see the kids again. The old conman felt a wave of relief when she actually answered.

“Debbs, that wasn’t me on the phone just now!” He shouted into the receiver the moment he heard her pick up.

“Yeah, I kinda figured.” she replied. “Do you know who that was? What’s going on?”

“Uh… just some guy I went to highschool with back in Jersey.” The best way to sell a lie is with a bunch of technically true facts. “He’s here visiting.”

"What is his problem!?"

“I dunno, Debbs, he’s got some serious issues.” Stan rolled his eyes. “But, you know I’d do anything to make sure Dipper and Mabel come home safe to you, right? You don’t gotta worry.”

“I know, Stanford, and I appreciate the sentiment, but I’d really don’t feel comfortable with the kids spending time with your friend.”

“We, uh, we’re not exactly friends anymore.” Stan clarified, his heart sinking.

"Well, that should make it easier to tell him to stay away from my children."

Stan had originally just called Debbs back to reassure her and make sure he didn't lose the privilege of taking care of the kids. He'd done that. He could just say 'You got it' and hang up, but he didn't. Instead he found himself opening up his mouth and defending his brother.

"Look, I know he was way out of line, tryin' to ask you to send the kids up here year-round, but I swear to you, he doesn't mean 'em any harm. He, uh, he's been on his own for a long time, and he's been through some terrible stuff. I'm not exaggerating when I say Dipper and Mabel are probably the best thing to happen to him in 30 years. He wasn't great with people before, and all that time alone definitely didn't help. I tried to tell him he couldn't just invite the kids to stay here all year, but he wouldn't listen to me. So I told him to call you. I shouldn'ta done that, I'm sorry. It, uh, it's my fault."

Stan wasn’t sure why he was sticking his neck out for his brother like this, but regardless of how he and his brother felt about each other, Stan knew the kids loved Ford, and the nerd loved them right back. Even if Mabel was really upset with Ford right now. If the girl could forgive someone like Pacifica Northwest, she'd definitely make up with her mysterious new uncle who spoke in overdramatic monologues and sent her to look for unicorns. It would break all three of their hearts if they weren’t allowed to see each other any more. 

Debbs sighed, but it was with more fondness than frustration. “Helping someone heal from trauma does sound just like my little angels… but can you promise me he’s not dangerous?”

Stan remembered what he’d told Dipper, just last week. My brother is a dangerous know-it-all… 

But hey, he was already an expert at lying to his family.

“Yeah, sure, I promise. And if it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure he’d take a bullet for either of them. Not, heh, not that he would ever need to!”

“Well, ok. I suppose that’s the best I can ask for, short of driving up there and having a talk with him myself.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t recommend it. We’re at peak tourist season here, the Mystery Shack’s a hive of activity.” Stan said, looking out over the deserted gift shop.

“Well, thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to call me.”

“Hey, family comes first.”

“Too right. Oh, and I never got your… uh, acquaintance’s name.”

“Fffffrank.”

“Ok. Please try and have another talk with Frank. I know you said he wouldn’t listen to you, but--”

“Oh trust me, I’m gonna have a long talk with him.”

“Thank you, Stan. Take care!”

“Yeah, you too.” Stan hung up and turned to his handyman. “Soos, hold down the fort for me, and keep an eye on the vending machine. I gotta go have another talk with my brother.”

[detectivejigsawpines]

Ford vs. His Family-part 4 (Welcome home)

Everything hurt.

Yelling everything out like that left Stan feeling torn apart inside, like he’d ripped himself open down the middle and pulled his heart out, laying it on the table in front of him for all to see-and it not only hurt...he was terrified.

Specifically, he was terrified about what his brother would do next.

Probably not laugh at him, he wasn’t that much of a bas...ketcase.

...But maybe say something scornful to trample Stan’s heart, bared and laid out for him as it was, into the dust.  Or walk away and go hide in the basement-that was certainly Ford’s style, just run away from things he didn’t want to deal with and try to pretend they hadn’t happened-

He definitely didn’t expect Ford to finally let out a long exhale, reach into his coat, and pull out an old, crumpled photograph, which he set on the table between them.

Even though it was faded and torn and stained, it was obvious who was in it, and what boat they were standing on.  And it hadn’t been in the house for the last thirty years; Stan would have seen it if it was.

Stan stared at it for a few seconds...and then gave Ford a disbelieving look.

“You just happened to be carrying this in your pocket when I came here?”

His brother shrugged, and a few spots of color rose in his cheeks.  “I didn’t realize it at first either.”

He let the implication ‘but I kept it all this time’ hang in the air between them unsaid.

So.  Ford had missed Stan enough to keep one of their old photos, even when he got sent to another dimension.

It wasn’t much...but it was something.  It was maybe enough to make Stan’s heart-treacherous, optimistic piece of crap that it was-jump a little in his chest, and stir with the beginnings of hope.  But he tried to push it down again just as quickly, because every time he did that with Ford it just meant fresh disappointment, betrayal and hurt.

Maybe this photo meant Ford wasn’t completely indifferent to him-but it didn’t get rid of the possibility that he hated him instead.  And Stan wasn’t too clear on which one was worse, because while arguably someone hating you meant you were still important to them, as opposed to their not caring about you at all, in his experience that also meant they were more likely to actively try to hurt you.

*********

Stan didn’t look convinced.

He at least didn’t seem ready to start throwing punches again, but his expression hadn’t relaxed either.  There was still visible tension in his shoulders and his eyes. Not to mention, Ford realized, pain.

It wasn’t something he’d allowed himself to think about too hard, but Stan was in just as much pain and fear of being hurt again as he was.

Somehow, even though he still wasn’t sure what to say, that made wanting to say the right thing to help fix this a little bit easier.

Ford sighed, running a hand through his hair.  “I may have been...a little too hasty in my initial decision about the house.”

Stan looked surprised...but then he asked sarcastically, “May have been?”

“...You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?”

He smirked a little.  “Nope.”

Again, Ford swallowed his pride.  “I was too hasty in my decision.”

“That’s better.”

Ford rolled his eyes, but continued, “I had convinced myself that the solution to my problems with Bill, and to finding out that I was back in my own home but no longer in the time that I left, was to bring things as close to how I remembered them as possible.  Which...was not realistic or viable. And it was unfair. So. I am willing to discuss other options.”

Stan sighed, releasing even more of his tension.  “...Thanks.”

“I maintain my stance that what you did was incredibly reckless.”

It seemed only fair to be honest about what he felt.  Stan bristled again, but Ford hurried on, “If you know about Bill, and what he wants to do if he finds a way into this dimension, then you should understand why.  No one person is worth risking the fate of the world, and you had no way of knowing if I was even alive.”

The glare lessened.  But Stan shook his head stubbornly.

“I’d still do it again.  If it meant there was any chance I could find you and bring you back, I’d do it.  Maybe you wouldn’t have had a problem leaving me there, but I couldn’t have lived with myself.”

Ford gulped.  Put like that, it did sound...a little more than a little extremely heartless.

And therefore not something he should ever have expected from Stanley, for all his faults.

At last, he swallowed and said hoarsely, “Your stubborn loyalty defies logic sometimes.”

“It does not-it defies logic all the time!”

He rolled his eyes again, and let out a croaky kind of laugh.  “You’re impossible.”

“And you’re a knucklehead.”  The retort came out in what seemed like a knee-jerk response; as soon as it did, though, Stan’s eyes widened nervously, and he shrunk back in on himself, looking like he was ready for Ford to lash out at him again or say something full of icy hostility-

Ford just laughed again, even more genuinely.  When he finished he admitted, voice soft, “...I don’t think I could have left you there either.  Believe it or not.”

Stan clenched his teeth down on his lower lip, eyes shining behind his glasses, before he twisted to the side, burying his face in his hand.

For the first time in forever, Ford reached out to his brother, gently touching his shoulder.  To his relief, Stan leaned into his touch; he squeezed the muscle, while rubbing a circle in his back with his thumb.

********

It wasn’t hugging it out like Mabel had ordered them to, and there was still a lot of old crap they had to dig up and talk about even though it would hurt...but hearing that Ford would have done the same thing if he’d been the one sucked into the portal was still something.  It was like there’d been an old, rusty razor blade stabbing him in the heart all this time, getting twisted and digging in further every time Ford gave him a cold stare or made a cutting remark about his business or the size of his gut or how he spent his time with the kids-and at last, it had been removed.  The area was still very sore and probably infected, but maybe now there was a chance for it to heal.

“‘M sorry,” he whispered, without looking at Ford.  “I’m so, so sorry, I-”

His shoulder was squeezed again.  “I know. I am too.”

********

From the doorway, Dipper pulled his sister away before she could squeal with excitement and spoil the moment.

“They need privacy, Mabel,” he whispered as he hustled her downstairs.  “Let’s...make them a celebratory dinner or something.”

Mabel covered her mouth with her hands and released her delighted squeal into them.  “Let’s make pie! Grunkle Stan loves pie! And bacon, let’s make bacon! Oh man, I don’t know what kind of food Grunkle Ford likes!  We should have asked him what kind of food he likes!”

“We spent the last two days not talking to him, remember?  We’re just gonna have to guess.” Dipper towed her towards the kitchen, on the way grabbing Soos and Wendy.  “Do you guys know anything about cooking? They seem like they’ve made up, or at least started to, so we’re gonna celebrate.”

“Well, my grandma’s tried teaching me how ta make burritos a few times,” Soos said, chubby face lighting up happily, “and they’ve only been charred on the outside and raw on the inside, like, seven out of ten times, so those are definitely good odds!  This is a once-in-a-lifetime event, it’s gotta be an opportunity where my thirty-percent success rate will be a thing!”

Wendy shrugged.  “We don’t cook much at home, but I can open cans and things.  I can give it a shot.”

“This will be the best celebrating-our-grunkles-making-up dinner EVER!” Mabel proclaimed, giving everyone a round of high-fives.

****

Twenty minutes later

Everyone ran screaming, searching frantically for where Stan kept the fire extinguisher, as two-foot-high flames rose from the stove.

“LOOK FOR A BUCKET!” Mabel yelled, running to a cupboard and throwing it open-only to have a pile of junk fall on her.

Soos flung open a cupboard and filled every cup, bowl and tupperware he could find with water, before throwing them at the fire, which sizzled but determinedly continued to burn.

“How!”  Wendy yelled, looking under the sink for the extinguisher, “How the heck did we manage to do this using tortillas and beans?!”

Dipper scrambled onto the counter and grabbed a pitcher, which he filled to the brim before running at the stove and hurling the contents.

Water splashed everywhere...including right in the faces of their grunkles, who had just entered the kitchen to see what all the commotion was.

Everyone froze in a mosaic of horror.

Water dripped from Stan and Ford’s glasses and the tips of their noses.

Dipper’s mouth flapped helplessly.

Mabel extricated herself from the mess, and the broom clattered against the linoleum.

At last Soos coughed.

“Sorry dudes.”

Stan examined the chaos, and snorted.

“We leave you knuckleheads alone for just a little while…”

“Dare I ask what... this is?”  Ford prodded gingerly with the tip of his blaster at the twisted blackened mess on top of the stove, which resembled something out of a horror movie.

“We were trying to make celebratory burrito pies,” Mabel said, standing up.  “...It didn’t work as well as we thought it would.”

“Obviously.”

She flushed, and looked at her feet.  Ford felt his heart twinge a little.

“Who wants Chinese?” Stan asked, heading for the phone. “I’m gonna order takeout.”

****

Ten minutes later

Working together, they were able to finish cleaning up the mess just before the delivery guy got there with their food.  Then they gathered together in the living room to eat.

The only real chair was the yellow armchair, which of course Stan claimed for himself, with Dipper and Mabel perching on each of the arms.

Mabel was startled when Ford came over to her side, where the dinosaur skull was, and asked softly, “...Is this seat taken?”

Part of her wanted to say that yes, it was for either Soos or Wendy.  The fact that he’d called her relationship with Dipper suffocating, and taken it for granted that she’d be fine with having her brother unexpectedly taken away from her without even discussing it with her or their parents first, still stung.

But the nervousness in his eyes, and the fact that he was probably trying to be apologetic in his own way, were enough to make her shrug and say, “Nope.”

Ford smiled, perching on the skull with his carton of Chinese food.

Stan pulled the remote control out from between the cushions, and flipped the television on, going through a few channels before settling on some mindless game show.

And for the first time in days, things in the Pines household were comparatively peaceful.

********

There are more details that need to be dealt with, of course, but at least for now they just want to enjoy some quality time together without anger or tension or resentment or excessive hurt. Since the rift has been taken care of, Ford finds it easier to relax with his family without worrying about Bill disturbing them again. He begins watching Stan's tours more, making his brother growl that he's gonna start charging him for admission. But he doesn't seem too serious about it. Ford retorts by complaining about the silliness of some of the exhibits-the names alone are ridiculous. I mean, a Cornicorn? Really? Stan gives an understanding nod, and says that ohh, of course, he should give them more serious, scientific names, like the plaidypus, or beard cubs, or the leprecorn. Ford blushes sheepishly, and stops complaining about the quality of the exhibits.

He also tries to make things up with Mabel by letting her paint a turkey on his hand, and telling her about some of his adventures in other dimensions. He apologizes to both twins for hurting them and trying to split them up before they were ready for it, and he and Dipper agree to maybe talk about the apprenticeship again when he's at least had a chance to graduate high school.

By the time of the twins' birthday, things are relaxed enough for Stan and Ford to work together to plan a surprise party for them in the yard. And when the kids go home the next day, Stan's a little nervous about getting kicked out despite everything, and wonders if he should've taken them up on their offer after all, but when Ford makes no effort to make him leave or close down his business, he allows a little bit of his newfound optimism to stay.

If Bill had any hair, he’d probably be tearing it out by the roots, but nobody cares what he feels.

[shima-draws]

Remember that one episode in Gravity Falls where Stan loses a bet to Mabel and does that stan-wrong-dance?? Can you write a drabble where Ford finds the footage pls the imagery is so freaking funny lmao

[[Send me a fandom/ship/prompt and I’ll write a drabble for it!]]

I’M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT I FINALLY FINISHED…I had a total blast writing it tho!!

I kinda took your prompt and went way beyond the original concept anjsakbnda so there’s some angst in here because Stan’s a self-sacrificial idiot and Ford almost loses his shit, but I hope you like it nonetheless :’)

Also this ended up being nearly 4k words so. Yeah. That’s why it took so long LOL but hopefully you got more than what you asked for!

This is also on Archive, if you’d rather read it there!

——————————————————–

Ford is absolutely furious.

Now, he’s no stranger to anger, having fallen victim to it many, many times throughout his life. His bouts of rage usually result in catastrophe if he isn’t careful. A prime example: letting Stan get kicked out of the house forty years ago. Or, when his irritation caused a fight between them that ended up in Stan’s permanently scarred shoulder and his own thirty year trip into the multiverse. It’s never simple and it usually doesn’t end well, especially if Stan happens to be on the other side of the argument.

This time, however, is a bit different.

It’s one thing if his brother has done something to piss him off. It’s another if Stanley does something so unbelievably stupid it scares the absolute shit out of Ford. He doesn’t like being angry. He doesn’t like being angry as a result of him being terrified even more.

And so, he’s taken to pacing in his study, trying to let off some steam. He’d separated himself from Stan after lecturing at him for twenty-five minutes about the very many reasons why Stan shouldn’t have charged right into battle against a particularly violent group of bullasps (an enormous wasp-bull anomaly hybrid, helpfully named by Mabel). Stan had come this close to being pierced by one of their enormous stingers—and if he had, well. The venom they secrete works so quickly Ford doubts he would have been able to do anything about it in time. And that is what had triggered his hysteria.

Mabel sits on one of the oversized chairs in the room, munching on a bag of popcorn. She’d followed him after his frustration had shot through the ceiling, needing to get away before he said anything he’d come to regret. Dipper had stayed behind to admonish Stan further, but not as harshly as Ford originally had.

It’s been almost a year since Ford and Stan left Gravity Falls to travel the world together. They’ve had plenty of arguments and heated late night discussions on board the Stan O’ War II, but they’d never escalated to this level. The two of them hashed out all of their past history and mistakes, and they’ve been attached at the hip ever since—but Stanley’s always had a bit of a reckless steak, and Ford will never admit it, but he’s unbelievably overprotective of his twin, especially after the whole shooting-him-with-a-memory-gun thing. (They try not to talk about that, much, mostly because it makes Ford feel so guilty it brings him to tears, and Stan hates seeing him like that.) This sort of takes the cake for every previous situation where Stan has willingly put himself in danger on their journey out at sea. Ford can’t remember the last time he’s felt so high strung.

“I just can’t believe him,” Ford hisses, his fingers tangled in his hair. His heart is still pounding, fear spiking through his veins and making him as taught as a bowstring. “Out of all the reckless, most monumentally moronic—”

“I know you’re upset, Grunkle Ford, but we took care of it!” Mabel points out, trying to be helpful. She does sound worried, though, if her expression has anything to say about it. “Those things ran right off after I used that cannon to shoot that t-shirt into the woods! Who knew bullasps are actually attracted to red things? I thought regular bulls hated the color red!”

Ford can’t help but smile a bit at her observation. “Actually, regular bulls are red-green colorblind, Mabel. It’s not that they particularly dislike the color red, it’s the action of a matador moving their cape that stimulates hyper aggression in—wait, wait, that’s not the point!” He heaves out a sigh. He turns to her and frowns. “Do you—do you even know why I’m so furious with Stanley right now?”

Mabel makes a funny sound with her mouth, her legs kicking back and forth, and then she answers. “‘Cause he shook his butt at them and told them to shove it where the sun don’t shine?”

Ford groans and pinches the bridge of his nose. Could Stan have any less tact? The children are almost 14 now, but still.

“That’s part of it,” he grumbles. “But it’s his insistence on constantly throwing himself headlong into danger before even considering the consequences of doing so. Stanley is—he’s ridiculously defensive of his family, which isn’t a bad quality to have at all, but…it gets him into unnecessary trouble. A lot.”

Mabel looks truly concerned now, which is good. “Is that why you looked like Dipper in the middle of a Wendy crisis when Grunkle Stan almost got hit by one of those super giant sharp and pointy stingers?”

Ford considers telling her that the venom would have killed Stanley in minutes, but then decides he should probably spare her those morbid details.

“Yes. It would have been…very catastrophic if he’d actually come into contact with one.” Ford slumps, suddenly feeling exhausted. “I’ve come this close to losing him once, I…the mere thought of possibly losing him again, and him ending up somewhere I couldn’t ever possibly reach…”

His throat tightens and he feels pressure building behind his eyelids. Emotion makes his heart feel like it’s being constricted, squeezed tight, and he swallows. He’d gone half his life without his brother and he regrets every single minute he didn’t spend by Stanley’s side. Almost losing him to Bill was a huge wake up call, and Ford’s barely been without him since then.

“So that’s why you’re so frowny,” Mabel chirps. Ford can’t tell if she’s totally oblivious to the seriousness of the situation or if she’s just trying to act upbeat for his sake—but he appreciates it either way. “You were pretty scared for him, huh, Grunkle Ford?”

Ford wipes his eyes and nods wordlessly. In the past he might have brushed her off but he knows better now—his family is the most important thing he has, and confiding in them when times are difficult is usually the best course of action.

The young teen hums thoughtfully, scratching her chin, and then her eyes practically light up.

“Wait, hold on! I have an idea,” she says excitedly. Her smile turns wicked. Oh, no. Ford knows that look. He’s been on the receiving end of it many times before.

“Grunkle Ford, have you seen the Stan Wrong Song?”

Ford tilts his head. “The…what?”

Mabel giggles insanely. “The Stan Wrong Song! It’s a song we forced Grunkle Stan to sing after he lost a bet to me.”

“Stanley lost a bet.”

“Uh-huh!”

“To you.” If Ford didn’t know her so well, he’d think she was lying. It’s extremely hard to believe, knowing how brilliant his twin is in the conning department.

Her grin becomes wider, if that’s even possible. Her braces glint in the dim light. “We bet to see who could make more money—me, taking over Grunkle Stan’s position as a morally ambiguous tour guide, or him on vacation. And I won the bet by a dollar! A dollar, Grunkle Ford!”

“Incredible,” Ford breathes, shaking his head.

“We made him sing it at least thirty-six times,” his nibling tells him. She really could give Stan a run for his money with how mischievous she is.

“Or, wait, maybe it was thirty-eight? Anyway, it was a whole lot! We were all singing it for weeks. The power of catchy made up songs prevailed! Grunkle Stan says he hates it, but I hear him singing it in the bathroom sometimes when he thinks I can’t hear him!”

The older man chuckles at that, amused.

“Anyway,” Mabel sing-songs. “Since Grunkle Stan was a dumb-dumb and almost got speared today and scared the bejeebers out of all of us, I think this is a good opportunity to bust that video out and give him a good ol’ dose of shame!”

“You truly are a peculiar girl, Mabel,” Ford says in wonder.

The brunette beams at this, her smile almost blinding.

“Come on,” she says, grabbing his wrist. Her grip is surprisingly strong, and so is the way she tugs him along with her. “It’s payback time! Revenge tastes sweet, like gummy worms!”

——————————————————–

Ten minutes later they’re seated together in the living room, prepared for the show. Mabel has already plugged her phone into the TV, which can broadcast anything she wants, thanks to a helpful little device Fiddleford had made for the family a while back. (It definitely helped when Ford wanted to show off all the videos he’d taken while he and Stan were out at sea on a larger screen for the whole family to watch.)

Stan is nowhere to be seen—which Ford supposes is a good sign as any. He’d rather not have Stan confiscate Mabel’s phone before Ford even gets to watch whatever the young girl is intent on showing him. Dipper’s probably still keeping watch over Stan, so that’s reassuring. He’s sure that there’s nobody more capable of watching his twin, except maybe Soos.

Mabel is practically vibrating in her seat, posture tense with excitement, and Ford fidgets. He’s honestly not sure what to expect—but when the video finally loads and the first thing he sees is Stan in a neon orange track suit covered with sparkles, Ford blinks in shock. He definitely didn’t expect that.

His twin looks like he’d rather be chased by a horrendous monster of the deep than perform in front of the camera, and the deadpan expression on his face has Ford releasing an amused snort.

Stan glances offscreen, gruff and irritated. “Ugh, l-look, I’m not gonna—”

Mabel’s voice interjects before he can finish protesting. “Do it!”

Stan begins to bounce as a song plays in the background. He looks so goofy doing it that Ford starts to giggle a little, the stress of the day rolling off his shoulders.

“I’m Stan and I was wrong.” Stan sings, dryly, with all the emotion of a desert cactus. “I’m singing the Stan Wrong Song.”

Something in Ford breaks, then—and he’s laughing, incredulously, sort of struck dumb by the whole situation. Mabel sniggers beside him. Stan starts to swing his arms, and Ford wheezes. His brother looks so foolish. Ford is absolutely reveling in it. (He’s so using this for blackmail material later.)

“I shouldn’t have taken that chance. Now here’s my remorseful dance,” Stan finishes, pouty and clearly embarrassed.

“Do the kicks!” Mabel’s voice calls out again, and Stan makes a feeble attempt at performing a kick, to which she demands them to be “Jazzier!”

It’s when Gompers comes in and starts a tug of war match with Stan that’s one for the history books that Ford loses it completely. The entire thing is just so wild and hysterical that he can’t help it, clutching at his side as he laughs and laughs and laughs. The video resets, going back to the beginning, and Ford happily sits through it again.

By the time the video loops for the fifth round Ford is howling with laughter, nearly bowled over by the force of it. His side has a stitch and it hurts and he’s pretty sure he’s crying but he can’t stop, too overwhelmed at the hilarity of his brother in a sparkly suit singing a song clearly meant to humiliate him—and maybe it’s the fact that Stan had had another close brush with death earlier and the built up tension from the incident that has him letting it all out through his chortles. Mabel is giggling madly beside him—whether she’s laughing at Stan or laughing at him laughing at Stan is unclear, but it’s contagious, and Ford can’t stop smiling.

God, how utterly ridiculous this all is. He loves his family.

The video is on its eighth loop and Ford is pretty sure he’s going to pass out from lack of oxygen when Stan bursts into the room, his eyes wide. Dipper follows close behind.

“What’s going on in—Ford?!”

Stan rushes over to him, his face drawn up in concern, and Ford’s heart melts a little. He might still be angry at his twin for scaring him half to death, but really, Stan’s mother hen tendencies never fail to make him smile.

“Ford—Jesus, you’re cryin’, Sixer! What the hell happened?”

Ford giggles and wipes the tears from his eyes, struggling to get his breathing back under control. “I’m—ahaha! I’m fine, Stanley.”

“With all the noise you were making, I thought you were dying,” Stan says with a worried frown. “It sounded like you were in pain or—”

Ford playfully rolls his eyes and nudges him in the shin with his foot.

“Now you know how I feel.”

Once he finally settles down, and when Mabel’s tittering fades, Stan finally registers the video playing behind him. His face immediately goes ash white, his expression quickly morphing into one of utter horror, and if Ford weren’t so wiped out by nearly laughing his ass into unconsciousness he’d probably start doing it again.

Dipper sees what they’re watching and he snorts, covering his mouth to hide any further giggles from coming out.

"Mabel, pumpkin?”

Mabel is the picture of pure innocence, her smile sickly sweet. “Yes, Grunkle Stan?”

“Either I’m having memory issues again or I swear I made you promise me in confidence that you would never ever show this video to Ford,” Stan says, slowly. His grin is wide and almost terrifying. If Ford didn’t know how much Stan loves Mabel he would have thought his twin was seriously considering strangling her. “And what did you do?”

“I showed the video to Ford,” Mabel says, looking shameful. She twirls a piece of long brown hair around her finger. Ford chokes back a bark of laughter at how well she’s pulling this off.

“Don’t be too hard on her, Stan,” Ford soothes in an attempt to curb his brother’s embarrassment. “She was only trying to help.”

Stan simply pouts, and suddenly all Ford can see is a young boy, cheeks bright red from the sun, childishly complaining about having to wear glasses because he thinks it’ll make him look like a nerd. Something warm blooms inside Ford’s chest and he bites his cheek, trying not to get lost in the memory of their childhood.

“How is this helping anything,” Stan mumbles, his cheeks flushing a charming shade of pink.

“It’s teaching you some humility,” Ford states, crossing his arms. “Maybe you should sing it again, Stanley.”

“What?!” His twin barks in outrage.

“He does have a point, Grunkle Stan,” Dipper provides helpfully from where he’s now lounging on the couch with Mabel. The video continues to loop, much to Stan’s chagrin. “You did do something wrong today.”

“Wh—are you still on about that? My god,” Stan groans, throwing his head back. “I was trying to be, ya know, heroic! Live up to my title.”

Ford is tempted to kick him again, but harder. His glare makes the other man wilt slightly.

“You already live up to your title, Stan,” Ford points out. “You don’t have to throw yourself in front of a beast with a toxicity level of 94 percent to prove that.”

“94? Holy crow, that’s high,” Dipper squeaks.

“You’ve already saved the world and paid the price for it once,” Ford continues. He slumps a bit in his chair, the exhaustion of the day finally catching up to him. “Please, Stan, you have to understand—there’s no point in trying to protect us if we lose you in the process. It’s just…just…” And he shakes his head, frustrated that he can’t put it into words properly.

“Okay, alright,” Stan says sheepishly, edging closer to where he’s sitting. “I get it. I didn’t mean to scare ya. It’s just habit for me to be self-sacrificial at this point.”

“That’s a terrible habit!” Mabel accuses.

“She’s right,” Ford mumbles. “If you hadn’t…if that stinger had come into contact, you would have…and then I…I…” He chokes up, his eyes watering. His heart clenches painfully, fear making his body feel like it’s encased in ice. “If I lost you…”

“Hey, easy there on the waterworks, Poindexter,” Stan teases lightly. He holds his hands out in a pacifying gesture. “I’m fine, see? Still in one piece. Mostly.”

“This isn’t funny, Stanley! How can you still refuse to comprehend—ugh!”

Ford is nearly tearing his hair out in frustration now, his teeth grinding together. Seriously, how can his brother still be such an idiot? He thought the lecturing and the clear distress the rest of the family is expressing would be enough to make Stan realize, but—

Stan folds his arms, huffing, and Ford notes that his face is coloring again. Mabel and Dipper gaze at him curiously, and before Ford can question his twin, Stan releases a soft, irritated noise from his throat.

“I’m Stan and I was wrong,” Stan mutters.

Ford blinks in shock.

The other man sighs, a deep-sounding one that slackens his posture. “I’m singing…the Stan Wrong Song.”

Mabel makes a high-pitched keen of excitement, and Dipper grins. Ford almost falls right out of his chair.

He isn’t sure what’s more surprising—Stan willingly putting his pride on the line, or begrudgingly singing about his mistake in front of the family, who he knows are more than capable of holding this against him.

“I shouldn’t have taken that chance…”

Stan edges closer until he’s standing over Ford, his cheeks the color of a ripe apple.

“I’m sorry, okay? Now will you please forgive me already?”

Something lodges itself in Ford’s throat, and his whole body feels as if it’s being flooded with warmth. Even after all this time, Stan still puts his want for Ford’s forgiveness over everything else. His heart glows.

“Stanley…”

“Don’t gimme that look,” Stan grumbles, refusing to meet his eyes.

The older twin beams and launches himself out of his chair, scooping his brother up in a hug.

“Wh—Ford?!”

Ford nuzzles happily into Stan’s hair, grinning wide.

“Thank you, Stanley.”

“What! You cannot leave me out of this family hug action!” Mabel cries, leaping off the couch to run over and throw her arms around her Grunkles’ legs.

“Squeeeeze!” She says, squeezing them tight. Ford laughs jubilantly and Stan rolls his eyes, but there’s a smile that refuses to go away on his face.

Mabel presses her nose into Stan’s leg for a moment, and then she looks over her shoulder at Dipper.

“Come on, Dippin Dots, you know you want in on this!”

Dipper rolls his eyes but slides off the couch nonetheless, coming over to circle them before ending up beside Ford in the group hug.

The young girl starts giggling, a happy, wonderful sound that makes Ford’s heart swell like a balloon. He feels all sorts of fuzzy, the euphoria of being with the people he loves the most—and with his twin, his other half, the person who almost gave his life for him today—making him burst into merry laughter as well. Soon enough Dipper joins them, and finally, Stan is roped into it, their laughter too contagious to ignore.

When they finally all calm down, Ford nudges his head against Stan’s temple. So maybe he’s feeling a bit clingy now, so what?

“Next time you do something like that again I will sneak horrifying body-altering concoctions into your coffee,” Ford tells him way too cheerfully for someone who’s threatening possible disfiguration.

“Yikes, Sixer. What sort of crap did you learn how to do on the other side of that portal?”

“I know how to disembody someone in a total of 103 unique ways,” Ford responds brightly while he rubs his cheek against Stan’s shoulder, hiding a grin into his shirt.

Much to his delight, Stan stiffens beneath him, and Ford almost laughs.

“Remind me not to get on your bad side,” Stan gruffs, patting him on the back. He pauses. “…Again.”

“Hey,” Dipper playfully elbows Stan. “Grunkle Stan, you didn’t finish.”

Mabel’s entire face lights up, and her smile is blinding—and devilish. “Oh, that’s right! You didn’t finish, Grunkle Stan! You have to commit to it all the way!”

Stan looks down at them, puzzled. He tries to squirm out of Ford’s hold but Ford just hums and hugs him tighter, his forehead pressing against the man’s shoulder.

Stan promptly gives up on getting free (because he knows from experience once Ford starts clinging it’s all over). Instead, he addresses the younger twins with an air of confusion.

“What are you gremlins going on about? Finish what?”

“Your song, silly!” Mabel chirps.

Dipper nods, his smirk matching his sister’s. “Yeah, you didn’t sing the entire thing. Or even do the dance! That was a pretty lackluster performance if you ask me.”

Stan’s face draws up in horror. “Oh, no.”

Ford leans back, but doesn’t detach himself from their interwoven limbs. Giving Stan another dose of shame, as Mabel put it, sounds thrilling right about now.

“You know, they do have a point,” he says, pretending to mull it over. He can’t stop grinning. “I’d love to see the most recent rendition of the Stan Wrong Song, from start to finish. Wouldn’t you, kids?”

“Abso-lutely!” Mabel almost screams. “I’ll have to go get my camera!”

Dipper nods, a hand on his chin. “Oh, yes, yes. Gotta have it.”

“You are the worst,” Stan hisses, his entire face matching the color of Ford’s sweater.

Ford laughs for the millionth time that day, his body feeling lighter than air.

——————————————————–

After that, they make him sing it a total of seven times before finally giving mercy. Stan swears he’s never going to do anything super dangerous again until he does two days later. Then the whole process repeats. LMAO

I can never get enough of Pines family fluff it makes me weak in the knees and oh so happy

[omnifalls-10]

Omni Falls Chapter 3: Headhunters

It’s been rather quiet at the Mystery Shack today. That doesn’t seem much of a problem  for Dipper and Mabel, who were in the living room watching a show on television called Duck-tective. While watching the television program, Mabel knits a new sweater and Dipper eats popcorn from a bowl. She reaches for some popcorn, only for him to slap her hand away.

“I'm afraid your services won't be required here, sir.”, the constable taunts, with a condescending smile on his face.  “My men have examined the evidence, and this is obviously an accident.”

“An accident, constable?”, Duck-tective quacks, his webbed feet paddling across the crime scene. “Or is it...Murder?”

“What?!”, the constable yells as the logo of the titular character comes on the screen as the commercials starts. 

“That duck is a genius!”, Mabel gasps as she drops her sweater.

“Eh, it's easier to find clues when you're that close to the ground.”, Dipper shrugs.

Mabel puts her hand on her hip, skeptical. “Dipper, are you saying you could outwit Duck-tective?”

“Mabel, I have very keen powers of observation. ”, Dipper explains, sitting up. “For example, just by smelling your breath, I can tell that you have been eating….” He sniffs the air, looking confused. “..an entire tube of toothpaste?”

“It was so sparkly...”, Mabel pouts, her mouth covered in toothpaste.

Soos arrives, running end with a look of excitement. “Hey, dudes, you'll never guess what I found!”

“Buried treasure!”, the twins say simultaneously before looking at each other, laughing.

“C’mon, follow me.”, Soos tells them, leading them to a mysterious door that’s been cut off. “So, I was cleaning up, when I found this secret door, hidden behind the wallpaper. It's crazy bonkers creepy! ” He unlocks the door and shows them what’s inside. They look around and see a collection of wax figures. But not any wax; these wax statues are historical figures, from Robin Hood to Shakespeare to Coolio.

Dipper shines his flashlight on the statues. “ Whoa. It's a secret wax museum.”

“They're so life-like.”, Mabel notes as she pokes the wax sculpture of Sherlock Holmes.

“Except for that one.”, Dipper critiques with his flashlight shining on a wax figure of Stan. Except it moves.

“Hello!”, Stan greets, making the twins scream and Soos. “It's just me, your Grunkle Stan!” His response doesn’t make it better because they still run out of the storage room, screaming their heads off.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

After regathering the Twins and Soos back into the room, Stan introduces his prize collection of wax figures, “Behold the Gravity Falls Wax Museum! It was one of our most popular attractions... before I forgot all about it”, he admits before showing off the individual statues. “I got 'em all! Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes….”, he pauses to see a statue of Larry King. “some kind of, I don't know, goblin man?”

Dipper shudders. “Is anyone else getting the creeps here?”

“And now for my personal favorite: Wax Abraham Lincoln, right over--”, he stops his sentence to see said statue melted in the summer sunlight.“Oh! Oh no! Come on, who left the blinds open? Wax John Wilkes Booth, I'm looking in your direction!” He bends down and puts his finger in wax, huffing in annoyance. "How do you fix a wax figure?”

"Cheer up, Grunkle Stan.", Mabel livens up her grunkle. "Where's that smile?" Stan grunts.

"Beep, bop, boop!", she cheerfully pokes Stan in the face, only to poke him in the eye. "Ow."

"Don't worry, Grunkle Stan.", the young Pine smiles. "I'll make you a new wax figure from all this old wax!"

“You really think you can make one of these puppies?”, Stan rises up. 

“Absolutely, Grunkle Stan! I'm an arts and crafts master. Why do you think I always have this glue gun stuck to my arm?”, she holds up her arm, which has a glue gun glued to it and tries to shake it off. “Eugh, eugh!” 

“Huh, I like your gumption, kid!”, Stan acknowledges with a grin

“I don't know what that word means, but thank you!”, Mabel gives one of her own.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Dipper’s been deeply invested into his journal. He just found a page talking about Methanosians, plant-like species that are able to emit flames. It’s very interesting to think about: how are they able to achieve this? Are they able to move so fast that they ignite the air or is it chemically triggered? Perhaps the chemical is-

“Dipper!”, Mabel drops down in front of his startled brother, who almost drops his journal before putting back in his jacket. 

“What do you think of my wax figure idea?”, she shows Dipper a drawing that she sketched in her sketch-book. “She's part fairy princess, and part horse fairy princess!”

“Maybe you should carve something from real life.”, Dipper suggests, feeling creeped out by her picture.

“How about a waffle with big arms?!”, Mabel turns another page, showing the aforementioned waffle.

“Okay... Or, you know, maybe, something else.”, Dipper clarifies, hoping to get his point across. “Like someone in your family.”

“Kids, have you seen my pants?”, Grunkle Stan asks as he poses on a briefcase, trying to find his piece of clothing. This makes Mabel gasps as a surge of inspiration courses into her mind. She turns around, her eyes becoming big as she looks upwards.

“Oh, muse. You work in mysterious ways.”, she beams with excitement.

“Why's your sister talking to the ceiling?”, Stan asks Dipper, clearly unaware of the young artist’s creative breakthrough. The next couple hours revolve around Mabel crafting the new wax figure. She works thoroughly on making the statue’s structure, working on the small details of her grunkle, and painting the right colors. It is rigorous and time consuming but she manages to get half way done. She moves back to admire her work with Dipper and Soos next to her. “I think... it needs more glitter.”, she muses.

“Agreed.”, Soos nods, handing the young Pine a bucket of glitter. She tosses the entire bucket onto the statue. “Perfect!”, Mabel exclaims in joy.

Stan walks in with his pants on but missing his shoes. “Ok, I found my pants but now I'm missing my--” He stops and notices Wax Stan. “Ahhh!” He falls over and crawls away in shock by witnessing the wax’s lifelike features. 

“What do you think?”, she asks, anxiously.

“I think... the Wax Museum's back in business!”

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

A bustling crowd has gathered at the Mystery Shack, they arrive in droves to see the latest attraction. What the attraction was, they don’t know but it must be worth the price of admission they paid to be here.

“I can't believe this many people showed up.”, Dipper comments as he watches the crowds arriving at the event.

“Yeah, I bet your uncle bribed them”, Wendy replies with a sarcastic grin. 

“He bribed me.”, he smiles, showing the 5 dollar bill that his Grunkle gave him in exchange for working in the ticket stand. She pulled out her own 5 dollar bill that conman bribed her with, making them both snicker. On stage, Stan walks on stage towards the podium. He taps on the microphone, ignoring the ear-piercing feedback it emits from the crowd. 

“You all know me, folks!”, Stan smiles, attempting and failing to charm the crowd. “Town darling, ‘Mr. Mystery.’ Please, ladies, control yourselves!” This garners no response from the women in the crowd. “As you know, I always bring the people of this fair town novelties and befuddlements, the likes of which the world has never known. But enough about me.”, Stan continues, getting to the point of the congregation. “Behold….me!” He removes the tarp, revealing the wax duplicate to the whole crowd. This receives a lukewarm welcome with two people clapping and another coughing. “And now a word from our own Mabelangelo!”, the conman introduces Mabel who takes the microphone from him before walking in front of the crowd.

“Thank you for coming!”, she greets the crowd. “I made this sculpture with my own two hands!” She throws up her arms into the air for a brief moment.  “It's covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids!” The implication makes the audience cringe in disgust.

“Yeah.”, she laughs it off. “I will now take questions! You there!” She points her hand to Old Man McGucket.

“Old Man McGucket, local kook.”, he introduces himself before asking. “Are the wax figures alive? And follow-up question, can I survive the wax-man uprising?”

“Um...Yes!”, she answers with a confused look on her face before pointing to a staunch man holding a turkey baster in his left hand instead of a microphone. “Next question!”

“Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper.”, he begins. “Do you really think this constitutes a wonder of the world?”

“Your microphone's a turkey baster, Toby.”, Stan shoots down his question.

“It certainly is…”, he retracts with a look of self-pity.

“Next question!”

“Shandra Jimenez, a real reporter.”, the female reporter says, holding a real microphone and a camera crew. “Your flyers promised free pizza with admission to this event. Is this true?” She holds up the said flyer in front him. This, in tow, makes the crowd erupt in indignation over the fact that there wasn’t any pizza around. Stan looks at the crowd with a nervous frown as they demand for pizza and glare at the conman.

“That was a typo.”, he gives a short answer, not really explaining anything. “Good night, everyone!” He drops a smoke bomb running off the stage before taking the admission cash box before anyone would notice. To say the crowd is upset would be an understatement, they are furious that they were swindled by the “Man of Mystery” as they all leave the Shack. No significant damage is caused save for the decorative pole that’s punched by Manly Dan.

Mabel leans on the admission table that Dipper and Wendy are sitting with a smile on her face. “I think that went well.”

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

“Hot pumpkin pie! Look at all this cash!” Stan smiles in pride as he counts the money in the evening. “And I owe it all to one person, this guy!” He points to his wax replica of himself to which Mabel punches her grunkle in the arm playfully.

“Yeah, you too, ya little gremlin.”, he laughs, giving her niece a noogie. “Now you kids wash up. We got another long day of racking cash tomorrow.” He starts pushing the twins out the living room. They head upstairs, smiling, as they run upstairs to brush their teeth and go to bed. Once they had gone upstairs, Stan decides to hang with his wax counterpart to watch Ducktective.

“Well, duck-tective, it seems you've really quacked the case.”, the constable jokes.

“Don't patronize me.”, Duck-tective quacks, clearly annoyed by the tasteless joke.

“Stupid duck!”, Stan can't help but laugh as the show goes to commercial. “Well, I'm gonna use the john. You need anything?” His wax counterpart’s grin doesn’t waver, but that doesn’t stop him from laughing. “I love this guy! Don't you go nowhere.”

He leaves to go to the bathroom for a few minutes. That’s all the time that’s needed for something sinister to occur. Like a thief in the night, the figure appears out of nowhere but their intention remains obvious and so, the terrible act is committed in such swift fashion that it’s almost like it never happened. The figure disappears as they hear the footsteps of Stan coming back into the den, leaving no trace.

When he comes back into the living room, Stan's face turns into horror as he screams as his eyes lay upon a devastating sight. “No!... No!... Noooooo!” His yells cause the twins to run downstairs to their grunkle on his knees with his hands holding his horrified face.

“Wax Stan! He's been...murdered!”, Stan points to the headless body of his wax counterpart on the floor. This shocking revelation makes Mabel faint with a gasp with Dipper catching her. While he isn't as emotionally torn about it like his sister and grunkle are about this, it’s still a scary sight to behold. 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

An hour passed by, the cops arrived when Stan called. The living room is turned into a crime scene with Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland questioning Stan about what transpired. “So, I got up to use the john, right?”, he explains, even though he’s still shaken by seeing his wax counterpart beheaded. “And when I come back, blammo! He's headless!”

“My expert handcrafting... besmirched.”, Mabel cries dejectedly as she looks at her masterpiece beheaded.“Besmirched!” Dipper puts a comforting hand on his sister’s shoulder as he looks at the wax figure. The way the head is cleaved indicates that it wasn’t an accident. But one question remains in his mind. Who would do something like this?

“Look, we'd love to help you folks, but let's face the facts.”, Sheriff Blubs confesses after Durland finished taking notes on the murder. “This case is unsolvable.” Everyone, besides the cops, gasp incredulously. This makes Grunkle Stan very furious

“You take that back, Sheriff Blubs!”, Stan growls. 

“You're kidding, right? There must be evidence, motives. Anything.”, Dipper insists, there must be something that the police officers are missing to figure out the murder.“You know, I could help if you want.”

 “He's really good. He figured out who was eating our tin cans!”, Mabel vouches for her brother.

“All signs pointed to the goat.”, Dipper proudly declares.

“Yeah, yeah! Let the boy help.”, Stan adds on. “He's got a little brain up in his head.”

“Oooh! Would you look at what we got here!”, Sheriff Blubs taunts the young Pines, making him annoyed by the patronizing of the officers. “City boy thinks he's gonna solve a mystery with his fancy computer phone!”

“City boooy! City booooy!”, Durland eggs on with his partner. Blubbs just laughs on before smiling at the young  Pine, condescendingly. “You are adorable.”

“Adorable?”, Dipper pouts, aggravated by the patronizing cops, who just keep on laughing at him.

“Look, P.J.'s.”, Blubs begins, grinning at the aggravated Pine. “How about you leave the investigation to the grown-ups, okay?” Just as he said that, his walkie-talkie sounding off. Attention, all units. Steve is about to fit an entire cantaloupe in his mouth. Repeat, an entire cantaloupe!

“It's a 23-16!”, Durland squeals in excitement. 

“Let's move!” Blubs proclaims as both officers run off, laughing as they get to their car in quick fashion.

“That's it!”, Dipper declares, determined to prove those officers wrong. “Mabel, you and I are going to find the jerk who did this, and get back that head. Then we'll see who's adorable.”

“Aww, you sneeze like a kitten!”, Mabel gushes with a beaming grin, to which he glares at her for making him sound cute. It’s going to be a long process for him to get through in order for him to be taken seriously.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The morning arrives and the Pine Twins begin their investigation. Dipper suggests finding clues in the last spot where the crime occured, which is the living room, where the wax statue still lays on the floor since last night. Mabel wraps the police tape, which is basically toilet paper with “Do Not Pass” in marker, as Dipper shoots a picture at the “corpse”.

“Wax Stan has lost his head”, Dipper explains in a tone reminiscent of a detective. “And it's up to us to find it.” He looks at the bulletin board with pictures of suspects. “There were a lot of unhappy customers at the unveiling and the murderer could be anyone of them.”

“Yeah! Even us!”, Mabel adds on.

“In this town, anything is possible.”, Dipper continues as he looks at the journal for some clues. “Ghosts, zombies, it could be months before we find our first clue”.

“Hey, look! A clue.” Dipper stops what he’s doing and looks at where Mabel’s pointing at. He walks to where she is and finds the first clue: shoeprints in the shag carpet. 

Mabel looks at the clue closely and notices something about them. “That's weird. They've got a hole in them.”  

“And they're leading to…”, Dipper stars before he and Mabel follow the trail to see their second clue: an ax behind the reclining chair. The twins look shocked at what they find. “The murder weapon!” He picks up the heavy axe and examines it.

“Who would know about this?”, Dipper thinks aloud.

“Maybe...”, Mabel thinks for a moment before getting a lightbulb. “Maybe we should ask Soos about this.”

Dippers hums before nodding his head.

They head to the gift shop to see Soos doing his usual tasks around the shack. After a few minutes of greeting the handyman, the Pine Twins explain what they’ve been doing and give him the murder weapon to inspect it.

“So, what do you think?”, Dipper asks, hoping Soos can give some additional clues. He keeps staring at the ax with the same analytical expression he had beforehand. 

“In my opinion, this is an ax.” Soos concludes, stating the obvious. 

“And is there anything else?”, Dipper asks, hoping to get an answer from the handyman. “Something weird? Something that can help us?”

“Uh...”, Soos thinks for a moment. “It’s sharp?” Dipper only sighs in minor annoyance. 

“Wait a minute.”, Mabel snaps her fingers. “The lumberjack!”

Dipper realizes for a second. “Yeah, that’s right. He was furious when he didn't get that free pizza.”

“Furious enough, for murder!”, Mabel adds on dramatically.

 “Oh, you mean Manly Dan?”, Soos clarifies the lumberjack’s identity. “Yeah, he hangs out at this crazy intense biker joint downtown.”

 “Then that's where we're going.”, Mabel declares with a fist pump.

“Dude, this is awesome.”, Soos chuckles, sharing some of Mabel’s excitement. “You two are like: The Mystery Twins!”

Dipper frowns at the name the handyman offered. “Don't call us that.”

After getting the information they needed, the Pine Twins walk outside about to the downtown area to where the biker joint. Before they reach it, Dipper and Mabel see their grunkle pulling a coffin out the trunk of his car. “Hey, give me a hand with this coffin, will ya?”, Stan asks. “I'm doin' a memorial service for wax Stan. Something small, but classy.”

“Sorry, Grunkle Stan.”, Dipper apologizes. “But we have got a big break in the case!”

“Break in the case!”, Mabel echoes. 

“We're heading to the town right now to interrogate the murderer.”

“And we have an axe!”, Mabel shows off the axe, waving it a bit with a gaudy smile.

“Hm, seems like the kind of thing that responsible parents wouldn't want you to do…”, Stan thinks for a moment. “Good thing I'm an uncle. Avenge me kids! AVENGE ME!!”

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Skull Fracture is the only biker bar of Gravity Falls, fitting for the most masculine of individuals to hangout. The outer appearance is enough for the normal person to steer clear from, especially with the large bouncer at the front. It’s why Dipper and Mabel are peering around the corner of the tavern, measuring the difficulty of their current situation. 

“This is the place.” Dipper examines, still feeling a bit nervous on getting caught. He turns his head to Mabel. “Got the fake IDs?” She gives him an ID card for him, but he’s not sure that this would work because the card looks hooky at best. It’s made by unlamented cardstock along with crayons and glitter.

“Is this the best you can make, Mabel?”, he asks, still looking at the ID with uncertainty. 

“C’mon, Dipper.”, Mabel pouts. “It’s gonna work.”

“Here goes nothing.”, the young Pine sighs, bracing himself for the worst as they both head to the front of the tavern's entrance, where the bouncer is standing.

“We're here to interrogate Manly Dan, the lumber jack for the murder of wax Stan.”, Mabel speaks with a level of professionalism that it’s a bit jarring.  “I believe our ID’s can provide proof for you, good sir.” They present their ID’s to the bouncer who stares at them, before shrugging.

“Works for me.”, he responds stoically as he opens the door, though Dipper is a little surprised that it worked. As they head inside, they understand why this tavern is called Skull Fracture. Men are either throwing fists at each other, arguing with each other, smoking, or sitting at the bar drinking some beer. Dipper and Mabel walk inside, looking around before motioning for his sister to follow him.

Mabel almost trips over an unconscious body and steps over it. She stops at a moment to stare at the body. “He's resting.”, she reassures to herself before catching up with her brother, who looks around and finds Manly Dan at the arm wrestling machine.

“Alright, let's just try to blend in, ok?”, Dipper asks as he heads towards the lumberjack. “I’m going to interrogate the suspect.”

Mabel gives him a thumbs-up before climbing onto a chair and talks to one of the patrons. “Hey there, fellow restaurant patron!”, she greets the gritty man with a cheery tone before patting him on the arm, ignoring his growl of aggravation. Dipper, meanwhile, passes through the patrons before reaching Manly Dan.

“Manly Dan, just the guy I wanted to see.”, Dipper speaks with nonchalance. “Where were you last night?”

“Punchin' the clock.”, Manly Dan grunts, holding on to the mechanical arm with veins popping. 

“Oh, so you were at work?”

“No, I was punchin' that clock!”, Manly Dan growls as he points to a broken clock outside, which appears broken and at an odd angle.

“10 o'clock, the time of the murder.”, Dipper hums, looking at the time on the broken clock, which is at 10, in consternation.“So, I guess you've never seen this before?” He pulls out the axe from his bag and shows it to the lumberjack.

 “Listen, little girl!” Manly Dan starts.

“Hey, actually I'm a--”

“I wouldn't pick my teeth with that ax. It's left handed! I only use my right hand, the MANLY HAND!!”, Manly Dan rips the machine's arm off and beats the machine with it.

Dipper looks at the axe. “Left handed.” He decides to go and catch his sister before they both head outside to assess what he learned.

“It's a left handed ax.” Dipper confirms as he shows Mabel a list of possible suspects from Stan’s unveiling. “These are all our suspects. Manly Dan is right handed, that means all we have to do is find our left handed suspect and we've got our killer.”

 “Oh man, we are on fire today!” Mabel exclaims with a lot of zeal.

“That we are.”, he responds, feeling some of her excited energy. “Now let's find that murderer.” He shares Mabel’s look of confidence as they share a fist bump. They start out looking around town to find their ideal suspects: they first start at the junkyard, where they see Old Man McGucket wrestling with a baby alligator. Mabel waves and the old kook waves  back with his right hand with the baby gator biting on it. Afterwards, Dipper, wearing a fake mustache,  delivers a package to Pizza Guy's house. Pizza Man signs Dipper's form and gets excited, only for Dipper to take the package and leave. On the other side of the road, Mabel notices the angry lady  and whistles to get her attention before throwing a baseball at her. She catches it with her right hand and crushes it. Later on, the twins find another suspect who was at the unveiling. They knock on his door, only for him to  come out with both hands in casts. So far most the people on the list were all right-handed. It seems like they aren’t close at all.

Except for one suspect.

Dipper gasps as looks for the final suspect on the list. “Mabel, there's only one person left on this list.”

 “Of course, it all adds up!”, Mabel realizes as well.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

It's nightfall as the cops and the Pine Twins head to the front door of Gravity Falls Gossiper. It took some convincing but Dipper were able to convince them that their number one suspect was responsible for the murder.

"You kids better be right about this or you'll never get the end of it.", Blubs warns them, hoping to be right so he could tease the city boy.

“The evidence is irrefutable, officers.”, Dipper responds.

“It's so irrefutable.” Mabel adds, waving her hand.

“I'm gonna get to use my match stick!”, Durland giggles in excitement as he waves his batton around.

“You ready? You ready little fella?”, Blubs askes, sharing his partner’s zealous energy as they hit each other playfully with batons, barely able to contain themselves.

“On 3!”, Dipper starts, before counting. “1, 2…” 

Before he can finish, the officers break down the door, barging in with a unified shout with the Pine Twins behind them. “Nobody move!”, Blubs shouts with authority. “This is a raid!”

As his office gets invaded, Toby slips and falls down, yelling in surprise. “What is this? Some kind of raid?”, he asks needlessly.

“Toby Determined, you're under arrest for murder of the wax body of Grunkle Stan.”, Dipper declares confidently.

“You have the right to remain impressed with our awesome detective work.”, Mabel adds on, smugly grinning as she high fives Dipper.

“Gobbling goose feathers! I don't understand!”, Toby exclaims, flustered by what’s going on.

“Then allow me to explain.”, Dipper starts with a confident smile on his face as Mabel holds a newspaper with a picture of Wax Stan's head. “You were hoping that Grunkle Stan's new attraction would be the story that saved your failing newspaper. But when the show was a flop, you decided to go out and make your own headline. But you were sloppy, and all the clues pointed to a shabby shoed reporter who was caught left handed.”

“Toby Determined, you're yesterday's news.”, Mabel concludes as she crumples up the newspaper.

Toby Boy, your little knees must be sore…”, the journalist starts, frowning. “From jumping to conclusions.” He finishes his proud remark before doing a little dance at the kids detective work. “I had nothing to do with that murder.”

“HA! I knew it-wait, come again?”, Dipper exclaims before realizing what he just said. “Nothing? D-did you just  say nothing?” He’s genuinely confused about what Toby just said. How could he not be the suspect when all of the evidence points to him?

“Huh? What? Could you repeat that?”, Mabel asks, sharing her brother’s confusion.

“Then where were you at the night of the break-in?”, Blubs asks, wanting to know the truth as well as Deputy Durland.

 “Ehh…”, Toby tugs on his shirt collar nervously before inserting a tape into a TV. It opens with him looking around, hoping no would notice what he’s doing before taking a cardboard cutout of Shandra Jimenez out of his closet. “Finally, we can be alone, cardboard cutout of TV news reporter Shandra Jimenez!”, he swoons affectionately before he kisses it, making everyone cringe in disgust from what they’re witnessing.

“Welp, timestamp confirms it.”, Blubs concludes. “Toby, you're off the hook. You freak of nature.”

“Hooray!”, Toby cheers, even though the tape is still playing.

“But, but it has to be him!”, Dipper argues, hoping that his hard work doesn’t end in failure.“Check the ax for fingerprints!”

The cops do so, dusting the weapon for any fingerprints, except there isn’t any on it. “Sorry, kid”, Sheriff Blubs shook his head. “No prints at all.”

“No prints?”, Dipper is confused by what he’s heard. There’s no prints on the ax?

Durland “Hey I got a headline for you: city kids waste everyone's time.”, taunts making the adults laugh, making Dipper and Mabel feel more embarrassed than they already are. They put so much effort into finding the culprit and from what they gathered, it seemed like the evidence was pointing to Toby Determined. But, they were wrong.  It feels like the case itself is unsolvable.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Later on today, Grunkle Stan arranges a funeral for his wax counterpart in the parlor. He is standing on a stage with a bunch of chairs set up with Dipper, Mabel, Soos, and the wax figures as the audience.

“Kids, Soos, lifeless wax figures, thank you all for coming.”, Stan thanks, solemnly before continuing. “Some people might say it's wrong for a man to love a wax replica of himself.”

“They're wrong!”, Soos exclaims as he stands up.

“Easy Soos.”, Stan responds, he understands the handyman’s sentiments. He looks at his headless wax replica, feeling a sob coming up as he continues. “Wax Stan, I hope you're picking pockets in wax heaven.” The conman sniffles, wiping his eye. “I'm sorry, I got glitter in my eye!” He runs out, not able to finish the eulogy without feeling grief.

“Ohhhhh duuuude…”, Soos cries out as he runs after his, trying to console him. There’s nothing but silence as it’s just the Pine Twins and the wax figures left in attendance. Dipper and Mabel look solemnly at the casket the headless Wax Stan is in, reminding them of their failure at finding the murderer. This realization makes Dipper slump into his seat, sighing.

“Those cops are right about me. About us.”, Dipper mutters in disappointment and defeat.

“But Dipper, we've come so far, we can't give up now.”, Mabel encourages as she gives her brother a smile.

 “Mabel, we’ve considered everything: the weapon, the motive, the clues.”, he insists as he stands up and walks to the coffin. “We looked at every perspective and there was nothing but dead ends.” When the case first started, Dipper thought he and Mabel could solve this easily. They had the clues, the potential candidates for the murderer, and the solid idea for a motive of the murder. But now, he’s not so sure anymore and can’t reach any conclusion. There are too many loose ends to this mystery.

That is until he notices something, something he didn’t see during their investigation. “That’s weird”, Dipper notes, as he stares at the wax rendition’s shoes. “Wax Stan's shoe has a hole in it.”

“Well, yeah. All the wax guys have that.”, Mabel answers, following her brother to the casket with the ax in her hand. “It's where the pole thingy attaches to their stand dealy.”

“Wait a minute, what has a hole on its shoe and no fingerprints?”, Dipper mutters to himself. He slowly realizes something. Despite the fact that his previous suspect had a hole in his shoe along with being left handed. But there’s an additional piece of evidence that’s to be considered: There’s no fingerprints. And there's someone or, something, that has none.

“Uh...Dipper”, Mabel asks, confused by her brother’s silence.

“Mabel.”, Dipper starts as he looks at his sister. “The murderers are--”

“Standing right behind you?”

The Pine Twins gasp in surprise as they turn around and see something that defies logic: all the wax figures rise up, either scowling with hatred or smiling in malicious intent as they creeped closer towards the stunned children until they’re blocked off from any escape. The lineup of wax figures include Shakespeare, Edgar Allen Poe, Genghis Khan, Larry King, Coolio (?), and Sherlock Holmes, who is holding up the decapitated head of Wax Stan. A wax replica of Lizzie Borden takes the ax from a terrified mabel before Wax Sherlock begins.

“Congratulations, my two amuetur slueths”, he patronizes as he tosses Wax Stan’s head up and down like a ball. “You've discovered our little secret.” He turns towards his wax comrades, who sneer at the Pine Twins. “Applaud, everyone. Applaud sarcastically.”

The wax figures collectively do so, mocking the children with sneers etched onto their faces, but Sherlock admonishes him. “Uh, no, that sounds too sincere. Slow clap, please.” The figures slow down their clapping so it may appear prominently more sarcastic. “There we go. Nice and condescending.”

“H-how is this possible?”, Dipper asks, baffled by what’s going on. “You're made of wax.”

“Are you magic”, Mabel gasp, curiously.

“Are we magic?” Wax Sherlock laughs with a sneer. “She wants to know if we're magic!” He keeps chuckling before slamming his fist down on the casket, jolting Dipper and Mabel. “We're CURSED!”

“CURSED!”, the wax figures repeat.

“Cursed to come to life whenever the moon is waxing.”, Wax Sherlock explains, walking near the fireplace.“Your uncle bought us many years ago at a garage sale.” 

“A haunted garage sale, son!”, Wax Coolio adds.

“Quite.”, Wax Sherlock agrees before continuing. “And so, the Mystery Shack Wax Collection was born. By day, we would be the playthings of man.”

“But when your uncle went to sleep, we would rule the night.”, Wax Coolio interjects again.

“It was a charmed life for us cursed beings…”, Wax Sherlock speaks, with a tone of reminiscent before turning cold.  “That is, until your uncle closed up shop. We've been waiting ten years to get our revenge on Stan for locking us away. But we got the wrong guy.”

“So you were going to kill Grunkle Stan for real”, Dipper asks, completely shocked by what he’s heard.

“You were right, Dipper.”, Mabel says. “Wax figures are creepy.”

“Enough!”, Wax Sherlock silences them. “Now that you know our secret, you must die.” Wax Sherlock, along with the rest of the wax figures, rolls his eyes to the back of his head. The wax figures growl intimidatingly as they get closer to the Pine Twins.

Mabel looks at her brother, who activates the Omnitrix. Dipper tries to select the right alien as the wax figures get close while Mabel attempts to distract them by throwing items from the small refreshment table. It does little to no effect before she throws a pot of coffee at the face of Wax Genghis Khan, who screams in pain.

“That’s it. We can melt them with hot, melty things”, Mabel realizes.

“Hot, melty things”, Dipper repeats before an idea pops up into his head. “That’s it!” He turns the dial to get his designated alien. In a flash of emerald light, stunning Mabel and the wax statues, Dipper’s body begins to morph: He feels his body developing chlorophyll as his feet become roots, his oxygen molecules shift to methane, easy for ignition. His shoulders develop red flowers.

Dipper becomes a Methonisian: a humanoid, plant-like alien that has an overall green and black colored body, mostly with a red flame-patterned head and root-like feet, seemingly holding black rocks. His eyes are oval-shaped with points at each end with pupils copying the shape but are smaller. Also, his shoulders and head have red petals and his elbows and legs have green frills sticking out. This alien is taller than an average human and has a distinct rotten stench that worsens with heat.

“Swampfire!”, the altered Pine shouts. Mabel looks at her brother in awe, he finds a new transformation that looks very cool but she notices something when she smells him.

“Ugh. Dipper you stink.”, Mabel holds her nose in disgust.

“That’s because my body is emitting methane fumes.”, Swapfire answers.

“Just take a shower when this is over.”, she begs as she grabs two decorative candles.

“The stink would probably go away when I transform back but okay.”, he answers, igniting his fists which causes the wax figures to step back even further. “Any one of you moves and we'll melt you!”

“With some fire and decorative candles!”, Mabel declares.

“Do you really think you could beat us with candles and by becoming a giant flaming weed?”, Wax Sherlock asks, his tone incredulous at the idea of these kids defeating despite them having the advantage.

“I mean….I can make flames outta my hands and she's got candles. So...”, Swampfire shrugs. 

“Yeah, it’s kind off a no-brainer.”, Mabel points out.

“So be it.”, Wax Sherlock answers before shouting. “ATTACK!” The wax figures and the Pine Twins charge, ready for battle.

Wax Lizzie Borden swings her ax at Mabel, but accidentally decapitates Wax Robin Hood. Mabel walks around her, but Wax Shakespeare sneaks up behind her. Mabel cuts off his hands with both candles, and he runs away in cowardice. Wax Shakespeare's hands, however,  move and begin strangling Mabel. She grabs a door and repeatedly smashes it on its fingers.

A couple of wax figures tackle Swampfire to the ground before dogpiling him, but since he has the strength advantage, he’s able to get them off of him through powering out, making the wax figures fly across the room in different directions. After doing that, he avoids being grabbed from behind by Wax Larry King before delivering a fiery chop that decapitates his head. “Interview this, Larry King!”

“My neck! My beautiful neck!”, Wax Larry King cries out, running away.

Wax Groucho growls as he charges towards Swampfire, but the altered Pine is ready as he blasts the wax figure in his stomach with a massive fireball causing both halves to slowly slip off.

“Jokes on you, Groucho!”, Swampfire quips.

“I heard of an empty stomach but this is ridiculous.”, Wax twiddling his fingers a bit as the top half of his body slid off of the lower half. “Hey, why is there nothing in my hand?”

Swampfire turns around to see Wax Genghis Khan charging at him and simply sidesteps him, making the wax figure run into the fireplace.

“Ha, Genghis Khan! You fell harder than the... uh... ”, Swampfire declares before getting confused. “I don't know, uh, Jin Dynasty? Heh. Yeah. Alright. ”

Mabel swings around Wax Coolio's head while getting overwhelmed by wax figures.

“Dipper! Watch out!”, Mabel calls out to her transformed brother. He blasts Wax Richard Nixon out the room before turning around to Wax Sherlock Holmes behind him.

“Alright. Let’s get this taken care of.”, Wax Sherlock says, putting Wax Stan's head on the horn of a rhino on the wall, and grabs a sword hanging on it. He then swings the blade and it slices Swampfire’s off. The wax figure seems pleased before his eyes narrow in annoyance and confusion as the altered Pine grows another arm. Swampfire ignites his fists and starts swinging at Wax Sherlock, who in turn uses the sword defensively while delivering more hits to the alien. This continues until they reach the attic.

"Once your family is out of the way, we’ll rule the night once more!", Wax Sherlock declares, raising his sword planning to slice Swampfire’s head clean off.

I can't deliver a massive fire attack in this area, Swampfire thinks. The best course is….He quickly turns to see the window. There!

"Don’t count on it!", Swampfire retorts, kicking Wax Sherlock down the stairs before opening the window to get outside. He climbs up to the top sign of the Mystery Shack and waits near the edge to hear Wax Sherlock Holmes coming up to finish him off.

"You think you can outwit me, freak?!", Wax Sherlock asks in aggravation as the figure climbs up. "I’m Sherlock Bloody Holmes!" He looks ready to slice up the alien boy until he reaches the top sign. But he realizes his mistake as Swampfire holds both hands out to deliver an attack.

“Burn.”, Swampfire declares before blasting a stream of flames that seems to have melted the wax figure. He moves forward to the spot where Wax Sherlock was standing. He looks from his left and his right, hoping to find any evidence that he melted the wax figure. Honestly, where did he-

Out of nowhere, Wax Sherlock appears between the top and bottom sign to deliver a hard elbow strike to Swampfire’s face. This causes him to tumble on the other side of the roof, rolling on the surface and grabbing onto the edge of it to prevent himself from falling down. He looks down at the ground below before gulping, he knows that these aliens are tough but he still doesn't feel comfortable at the aspect of falling. 

The sudden sound of scraping alerts the altered Pine to see Wax Sherlock Holmes, despite having one arm that’s mostly melted off, brandishing the sword with a hateful scowl on his face. He stops on top of the chimney and for additional cruelty, steps on Swampfire’s hands, eliciting a grunt of pain from him.

“Any last requests”, Wax Sherlock asks as he holds the sword, ready to finish the job of killing this freak.

Swampfire turns his head slightly to see the sky brightening up a bit, making him have a small grin of victory. “You got any sunscreen?”

“Sunscree-?”, Wax Sherlock looks confused before he realizes his hand is melting. “What?!” He gasps in horror at the sight of the warm, summer sun rising up.

“No.”, Wax Sherlock says placidly, despite his wax body melting in the heat.

“Yeah, it really wasn’t very sharp of you to let me lead you out here.”, Swampfire replies, confidently.

“Outsmarted by a child in short pants! No!”, Wax Sherlock exclaims in frustration and agony as the sun reaches even higher. “Fiddlesticks! Humbugs! Tiiter, total kerfuffle. Butter hallabaloo.” He continues cursing until he becomes a puddle with only his head holding some shape. Swampfire climbs up on the roof before sighing in relief. A certain ring from the Omnitrix emblem on his indicates that he’s going to turn back and in a flash of red light, Dipper becomes normal again.

“Case closed.”, Dipper declares in satisfaction, wiping the dust from his hands before he sneezes.

“You sneeze like a kitten!”, Wax Sherlock laughs, mockingly as his remains slip off the roof. “Those policemen were right, you're adorable! Adorable!” He declares his final word before falling down at the ground below in a splat.

“Ew.”, Dipper mutters in disgust.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Just as the battle on the roof is finished, so is Mabel’s in the parlor as she scoops all the remaining pieces of the wax figures with one more, Wax William Shakespeare’s living head.

“Though our group be left in twain, the men of wax shall rise again!”, Wax William declares though it reaches deaf ears as Mabel picks him up.

“Y’know any limericks?”, she asks curiously.

“Uh... there once was a dude from Kentucky…”, the wax figure attempts, weakly.

“Nope!”, Mabel concludes throwing his head into the fire before noticing her brother entering the parlor. “Dipper! You're okay! You solved the mystery after all.”

“I couldn't have done it without my sidekick.”, he says as he pulls up a chair and takes Wax Stan's head off the wall. 

“No offense Dipper, but you're the sidekick.” Mabel informs him. 

“What? Says who? Have people been saying that? Have you heard that?”, Dipper asks nervously before coming down.

“Eesh, which one of you broke wind-”, Stan comes into the parlor before screaming incredulously. “Hot Belgian Waffles!! What happened to my parlor?!” He sees the room cluttered with various wax parts on the floor.

“Your wax figures turned out to be evil, so we fought them to the death!”, Mabel answers, jovially.

“I decapitated Larry King.”, Dipper adds.

Stan stares at them for a minute before laughing at their ridiculous claim. “Ha ha! You kids and your imaginations!”

“On the bright side, though, look what we found.”, Dipper shows his grunkle’s wax replica’s head.

“My head! Ha ha! I missed this guy!”, Grunkle Stan beams happily. “You done good, kids! Alright, line up for some affectionate noogie-ing.” Dipper and Mabel try to protest but he just noogies them, all of them sharing a big laugh before a police car drives near the broken parlor window, Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland on the inside relaxing.

“Solved the case yet, boy?”, Sheriff Blubs asks, condescendingly. “ I'm so confident you're gonna say no, that I'm gonna take a long, slow sip from my cup of coffee.” He holds up his coffee and starts drinking really slowly to mock the Omnitrix-user.

“Actually, the answer is yes.”, Dipper answers, casually as he holds Wax Stan’s head. This causes Sheriff Blubs to choke on his coffee before spitting it in Durlands face, which leads to him screaming in pain and spitting the coffee back at Blubs’ face, making him scream in pain . This continues on until the drive away in pain from the scalding coffee before ending up crashing.

The Pines laugh at the spectacle, enjoying the catharsis of solving the case. “They got scalded.”, Stan quibs, chuckling.

“So, did you get rid of all the wax figures?” Dipper asks.

“I am ninety-nine percent sure that I did!”, Mabel answers with a confident grin.

“Good enough for me!”, Dipper concludes.

Little does she know, Mabel missed one. A headless Wax Larry King chuckles before chasing off after a rat that steals his ear.

[anistarrose]

To See The Unseen - Ch. 2 (Gravity Falls)

Summary: Stan meets the mirror’s creator.

Warnings: a very brief description of a dead animal, and a character being hospitalized (no character death)

AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/20884673/chapters/49642817

Big thanks to @apathetic-revenant for betaing this chapter!

***

“I’ve never been more ready to go to bed in my life,” Wendy groaned as she led the way back to the Mystery Shack. “You think Stan will mind if I crash on your couch for a couple hours? My brothers will be awake and screaming their heads off by the time I get home.”

“Yeah, he probably won’t mind,” Dipper replied. “Just be sure to tell him we were camping. He’ll go ballistic if he found out we almost died in the Author’s doomsday bunker.”

“But only because he cares about us,” Mabel spoke up. Her sweater was still slightly damp, and she shivered in the brisk early morning breeze. “I mean, if I was him and you guys told me you fought a shapeshifter in a fallout shelter, I’d go ballistic too!”

“You WHAT?!” Stan gasped. “What did I tell you just the other day about looking for trouble with the Journal?!”

The kids kept walking, passing straight through him. Mabel shivered again, but other than that, they gave no sign of having heard his outburst.

“Even if I have been a hypocrite about it…” Stan whispered.

Wendy squinted at the Shack, raising a hand to shade her eyes from the morning sun. “Hey, am I so tired I’m hallucinating, or is that Blubs and Durland on the porch?”

“Oh, great. What did Stan do this time?” Dipper mumbled. “Hey, Soos, you should probably hide that laptop from them —”

“Pines kids!” Durland shouted. “Oh, thank goodness you’re here! Something terrible has happened!”

Soos, Wendy, and the twins stared at him with glazed-over, sleep-deprived eyes.

“You need us to… help solve a mystery?” Dipper asked.

“A murder mystery?” Mabel echoed, rubbing her eyes. “We have a kind-of-okay track record with those…”

“Whatever it is, I have an alibi,” Wendy muttered.

Blubs stepped forward, gaze fixed on the floorboards. “It’s about… it’s about your uncle.”

“Shit,” Stan mumbled. “Kids, whatever they say happened, I promise it’s not actually that bad —”

His voice cut off. Was that even true? He didn’t know a single thing about what being trapped in this gray mirror world meant for him — it easily could be not just ‘that bad,’ but even worse.

“Is Mr. Pines okay?” Soos asked. “What happened?!”

“He’s in the hospital. Dan Corduroy found him in the forest this morning, and… well, I’m no doctor, but apparently he didn’t seem injured and his vitals were all A-okay. He just… won’t wake up no matter what anyone tries.”

Mabel gasped, and Soos covered his mouth.

“Do — do you know how it happened?” Dipper stammered. “Was it one of the anomalies? How long has he been unconscious?”

Blubs sighed. “I’m so sorry, Dipper, but I don’t know a single thing. You know what — here, get into the squad car. I’ll drive you to the hospital so you can see him.”

Stan drifted after his family, watching as they piled into the police car. Mabel stared out the window, quieter than Stan had ever seen her before, while Dipper buried his nose in Journal 3, frantically flipping through pages so quickly he gave himself a paper cut.

“It’ll be alright,” Mabel told him without making eye contact. “The doctors will figure something out.”

“But what if they don’t?” Dipper asked. He didn’t seem to have even noticed his finger was bleeding. “What if medicine can’t help him, because it’s supernatural?” he continued in a voice barely above a whisper. “There’s no info about anything like this in the Journal — but if only I had the other volumes, then maybe they’d have something that could help. Something about how to cure him…”

“Oh, Dipper,” Stan murmured. “It just got me into this mess in the first place…”

***

Pacifica lay in bed, half-awake, for longer than usual that morning, until the sound of a servant knocking on her door startled her, and she finally crawled out from under the satin sheets. It took a few seconds of staring at the compact mirror resting atop her dresser before the events of the past night rushed back to her, and she shuddered.

The mirror still gave her bad vibes, even in broad daylight and outside of the infamously unnerving Gravity Falls forest. It reminded her of certain taxidermy-filled rooms of the mansion, especially the allegedly haunted one — there was just a sort of chill in the air around it, just barely subtle enough for you to convince yourself it was only your imagination acting up.

Even though she hadn’t changed out of her nightgown yet and would’ve looked ridiculous had anyone been around to see her, Pacifica put on a pair of gloves before opening the mirror. She was still going against both her gut feeling and basic common sense by examining the artifact at all, but she knew that if she hid it away now, there would eventually come a day when she grew so bored, she wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation any longer.

Despite bracing herself for the worst, nothing cataclysmic happened when she opened the mirror — no swarms of insects flew out, no bolts of dark magic incinerated her, and as far as she could tell, no deadly plagues seemed to be released into the world.

But although it wasn’t quite the Pandora’s Box she’d been expecting, it was most definitely supernatural. The mirror reflected everything in grayscale, except for her own body, which glowed blue. And the picture below…

Surprisingly, it looked incomplete. A broad-shouldered silhouette dressed in dark clothing stood in front of a row of trees, that much was clear, but most of the details were missing, especially around the completely blank area where a face should’ve been.

“Well, that’s freaky…” Pacifica was about to rummage through the contents of her desk, looking for a magnifying glass to examine the portrait more closely, when her maid knocked on her door again, and she reflexively snapped the mirror closed.

“Remember, your dance tutor will be arriving at ten o’clock sharp! You’d best be eating breakfast soon, unless you want to be late!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming!” Pacifica called back, shoving the mirror under her pillow as she hastily selected a dress from her closet and a necklace from her jewelry box before rushing to the bathroom. “I’ll be back for you,” she whispered to the mirror.

The mirror didn’t reply, but had it still been opened, Pacifica might’ve noticed that the portrait was ever-so-slowly growing closer to completion, adding a tie to the figure’s sharp black suit.

***

After a few minutes of asking the doctors one question after another, none of which they were able to answer, Dipper threw a glass of cold water in his face, adjusted his hat, and declared that he was off to investigate the place where Stan had been found, hoping to find some evidence that would lead to a cure. Wendy quickly announced she was going with him, which didn’t surprise Stan — he knew she’d never been fond of hospitals.

Figuring it would be smart to stay close to his body in case of a breakthrough, Stan didn’t follow Dipper and Wendy as they left, but still he overheard Dipper muttering to himself:

“I need to find the other Journals. One of them must have the answer to getting him back, somehow…”

“Come on, kid,” Stan whispered. “Don’t you go down this road too. It’s no fun to live your life like this, trust me…”

Mabel pulled her chair right up next to Stan’s hospital bed, and leaned up against him, burying her head in his spare pillow. Soos sat on the other side of the room, half-heartedly flipping through hospital-provided health magazines and flinching almost every time Stan’s heart monitor beeped. Like Pacifica, neither of them had reacted to the pale blue glow that Stan could see coming from beneath his body’s half-closed eyelids.

He tried to give Mabel a reassuring pat on the back, to no avail. Her breathing slowed as his hand passed through her shoulder, and for a second he was afraid he’d hurt her somehow, but then she began to snore quietly, and he realized she’d just fallen asleep.

“What am I gonna do, Soos?” Stan asked. “I can’t get back in my body, I can’t tell you what happened, I can’t even let you know I’m okay…”

A new, terrifying realization dawned on him. “I can’t operate the portal! I was so close to getting Ford back, so goddamn close! But how am I going to save him if I’m trapped in this mirror world?!”

“You could always do what he did, and get a little help from a friend!”

The voice wasn’t spoken out loud as much as it resonated in Stan’s mind, high-pitched and echoing in a way that made his nonexistent ears ache. He was also pretty sure he’d heard it before, even if he hadn’t been in the most coherent state at the time.

“I swear,” he growled, “if I turn around and see that screaming geometry dipshit from my nightmare last week, I’m gonna puke ghost guts all over that one-eyed piss-yellow triangular ass of his.”

The being behind him began to clap. “Go ahead and turn around, then! I’d love to see it!”

Stan turned, and sure enough, found himself facing a one-eyed, piss-yellow, triangular entity.

“Well? Where’s the ghost puke you promised me?”

“Shut the fuck up, Bill. That is your name, right? I gotta be sure you know exactly how much I hate your dumb whiny voice in particular.”

“Read about me in Fordsy’s journal, did you?” Bill asked, twirling his cane.

Stan raised a hand to his ear. “Huh, what’s that noise? ‘Cause it definitely isn’t a first grader’s math homework shutting the fuck up, that’s for sure!”

Bill let his cane go flying out of his grip and through the nearest wall, disappearing from view for a moment before popping back into existence in his other hand. “Oh, Stanley, Stanley, Stanley. I’m here to help you, just like I helped Sixer! So let’s not say anything we’ll end up regretting later —”

“Too late.” The cocky grin disappeared from Stan’s face as he made a fist. “No one calls Ford ‘Sixer’ but me, and you’re really gonna regret mixing that one up if I have anything to say about it.”

“Oh, my bad!” Bill shot back, voice dripping with sarcasm. “I didn’t mean to slight your precious sibling relationship, which you both clearly value SO much! If only I could make it up to you by… I dunno, saving you from ETERNAL IMPRISONMENT?!”

“I’ve broken out of prison in three different countries, I’ll be fine on my own. Also, I know you tried to hurt my family when you all went off on your wild goose chase through my mind — and call me overprotective of those kids if you want to, but in my book, that’s a pretty good reason not to make any dark magical contracts with you.”

For the first time, Bill looked genuinely looked caught off guard by one of Stan’s comebacks. “You were conscious for that? You know what, forget it. I —”

“Well, I mean, I was asleep — but I was definitely dreaming about you getting your ass kicked.”

“I said FORGET IT!” Bill snapped.

“Touchy subject, eh?”

“It was in the past! It doesn’t matter anymore!” Bill shouted. “You need my help and my deal now, Stanley Pines, and there’s no way around it!”

Stan floated lower, until he was able to roughly approximate sitting at the foot of the bed. “Well, looks like I’ve got all day to kill and nothing better to do. I’m not gonna listen, but you might as well start making your case anyway.”

Bill’s eye narrowed with glee, and he began to chuckle to himself, then cackle louder and louder until it felt like his laughter would never stop echoing inside Stan’s head.

“Here’s the thing, Stanley — you really don’t have all day at all! In fact, you have…”

With a burst of flame, he summoned a ticking gold pocketwatch in his hand. “Exactly twelve hours and two minutes!”

“Until what? I’m not gonna fold and cut a deal with you just because of a vague threat and a time limit — that’s like, even more basic than Manipulation 101.”

Bill laughed, and his pocketwatch cooed like a cuckoo clock as an avian skeleton sprung out of the hole in the center. “Twelve hours until your body stops breathing, obviously! It’ll be real sudden, too — no time for the doctors to switch you over to life support before your brain runs out of oxygen!” One of his arms extended as he reached over to Stan, rapping him on the skull. “Then again, I’m not sure you’re getting much blood flow up there in the first place. Certainly less than old Fordsy —”

“Why should I believe you?” Stan asked. “If I was a math nerd’s demonic fever dream, I’d be making up bullshit life-or-death ultimatums left and right. Who would be be dumb enough to make a bargain with me otherwise?”

“Oh, you’d be surprised. But to answer your question, just look at your own eyes, down there in your body! They’re not even glowing half as bright as when you first got flipped into the mindscape, and they’re only gonna keep getting dimmer until the connection’s gone altogether!”

Bill snapped his fingers, summoning a plume of blue flame in which an image of the mirror flickered into existence. “When that portrait in the compact is completed, exactly twenty-four hours from the moment you entered the mirror, you’ll be severed from the living world forever — and that’s not all! Your soul gets trapped inside that musty old picture to rot and fester until either someone new scries with the mirror, or eternity itself comes grinding to a halt at the end of the world! That’s the beauty of it: you get to be all-seeing — almost like me! — for exactly one day, but once that’s over, all you’ll ever see again is the inside of a closed compact!”

The image in the flames faded away as they swirled around Bill’s hand, which he extended in Stan’s direction. “But I can put you back in your body, and send the mirror’s previous prisoner back into the painting instead! I can save you, just like I saved your brother! Whaddya say?”

“Yeah, of course,” Stan answered, voice dripping with sarcasm. “All makes perfect sense to me. You just so happen to be the world’s leading expert on cursed mirror and equally cursed painting combos!”

“Well, why wouldn’t I be? I helped make the thing, after all!”

“Oh, did you? That explains why holding it instantly reminded me of my deep hatred for trigonometry.”

Bill ignored him. “You know, your brother wasn’t the only mortal I’ve been a Muse to! He was just the only one in recent memory who was actually USEFUL. I’ve appeared before countless pupils over the years, looking for someone who’d be smart, ambitious, and not to mention gullible enough to help me fulfill my vision — but before Six-Fingers, everyone fell short. And worse — some of them wouldn’t stop summoning me even after I’d given up on them! They kept asking me inane questions about the beginning of the universe and the meaning of life!”

His triangular body turned bright red and the flames surrounding him roared as he continued: “Life doesn’t HAVE a meaning! Humanity was put on the planet to reproduce, die, and make meaningless philosophical arguments in a desperate attempt to convince themselves that morality and ethics are worth anything in the callous void that is existence — what else did they want me to tell them?! Some saccharine bullshit about being born so they could make the world a better place?”

“So you got fed up, and made the mirror to trap one of your ex-pawns?” Stan asked.

The flames disappeared, and Bill seemed to calm down, turning yellow again. “You catch on faster than I thought you would! I tricked one of my most insufferable pupils into creating it, and sure enough, he hasn’t bothered me since!”

“So when Ford tried to scry with the mirror thirty something years ago, he freed that guy’s ghost — but you still thought Ford would still be useful, didn’t you?” Stan tried to keep his voice calm, but he was starting to get a good idea of just who had driven Ford to such paranoia and desperation thirty years ago, and he was fuming inside. “So you freed Ford by switching his place with the ghost of that first guy you trapped.”

“Exactly!” Bill cheered, rubbing his hands together. “And I can do the same for you — just give me the word, and you’ll be back in your body before you know it!”

“Let’s imagine a parallel universe where I was a dumbass and I did take your deal. What other conditions would you be hiding in the fine print?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be hiding it! I’d actually be rather upfront, just like I’m being right now!” Bill smacked Stan on the head with a roll of paper, which unfurled to reveal a document titled CONTRACT.

“All I’d ask is for you do owe me one tiny favor down the line — a chance for me to borrow your restored body for a few hours when the right moment rolls around! I mean, you’ve coped without it for this long — what’ll one more brief stint in the mindscape be to a pro like you?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to say FUCK NO to that. I know you’re used to dealing with my brother, the most gullible genius on the planet, but while he may have all the brains, I have some actual goddamn common sense.”

“But — but don’t you want to open the portal?” Bill asked him, a little too quickly. “I’d like to see you try and operate it without your body!”

“Well, yeah — but are you really expecting me to be able to activate it all on my own? Even with all the journals, I’ve still got no idea what I’m doing,” Stan lied. “I could just as easily flip the thing’s self-destruct switch as I could find the right settings to bring Ford back. I’ll feel guilty if I can’t at least try, but… it was a hell of a long shot in the first place. I accepted that a long time ago, even if I don’t like to admit it.”

“Are you kidding me?!” Bill shouted. “The thing doesn’t even HAVE a self-destruct switch! I — I could even sweeten the deal, if you want! I could help you turn it on! This has been thirty years in the making — you can’t just give up on it now! Also, did I forget to mention YOUR ETERNAL FUCKING IMPRISONMENT and SLOW, PAINFUL CORRUPTION INTO A REVENGE-BENT MONSTER?!”

Okay, so Bill really wants the portal activated for some reason, Stan thought to himself. Interesting.

Out loud, he told Bill: “I’ve been messing around with too much shit that I don’t understand since before you even showed up. I’m not adding a deal with a demon to that list, and that’s final. Besides, you’re forgetting that the kids will probably figure something out. They always do.”

“Well, that sure is a cute sentiment!” Bill shot back. “But you’re already as good as dead to them, Stanley. They can’t see you, they can’t hear you — and soon enough, if you don’t do something, they won’t be able to feel your heart beating in your body anymore either!”

“Oh, I do plan on doing something,” Stan replied with a straight face. “It just won’t be the something you want me to do.”

“My offer still stands!” Bill shouted as he disappeared in a burst of blue flames. “Just call my name once it sinks in how doomed you are without me, and I’ll be right there to shake your hand and seal the deal!”

Mabel, still asleep next to Stan’s body, let out a deep sigh as Bill vanished, but otherwise didn’t react to their conversation. She was hugging Stan’s arm and clutching handfuls of the bedsheet like it were the lifeline tying Stan to the world, and if only she held on tight enough, she’d be able to drag him back.

And maybe, in a roundabout way, she could.

“Bill said I’m all-seeing like him until my twelve hours are up,” Stan explained to her, even knowing it wouldn’t be heard. “So if you’ll bear with me here, Mabel…”

He placed his hand over her forehead, and closed his eyes.

“I’m gonna see if I can haunt dreams like him too.”

***

Pacifica’s dance lesson dragged on for over an hour, showing no signs of coming to an end until she claimed to be experiencing a dehydration-induced dizzy spell and her instructor reluctantly excused her, probably fearing a lawsuit. She headed back to her room right away, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that her pillow — and the mirror beneath it — hadn’t been disturbed. She was going to have to find a better hiding place for it soon.

As she pulled out a map of the mansion, trying to think of nooks and crannies that no one ever checked, a thud from the hallway made her jump. She almost brushed it off, chalking it up to her imagination, when she heard it again, and then a third time, growing louder with each repetition.

It didn’t sound like footsteps — or at least, not the footsteps of any human. If anything, it sounded like solid stone was striking the hallway’s hardwood floor.

Pacifica watched, frozen in place, as a veil of smoke materialized around her doorknob, twisting it counterclockwise degree by degree as the door ever-so-slowly swung open —

And then she laughed, because what she was seeing in the hallway couldn’t have been further from the monster she’d been expecting.

“You’re a statue,” she snickered, and her visitor’s stone eyes lit up red.

Oh, but not just any statue, a voice boomed from inside the familiar face that had once watched over the town square. I’m Gravity Falls’ very own Nathaniel Northwest!

***

(End notes:)

I was very excited for this chapter since I don’t write a whole lot of Stan and Bill interacting (outside of Some Sunny Day, which was a whole different beast altogether). And sure enough, I had a ton of fun with Stan’s dialogue, which led to this chapter being about a thousand words longer than expected.

Anyways, comments/reblogs are appreciated as always!

[dontyoudarejudgemesworld]

The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far: Chapter Five: Meet the Family

Alrighty peeps we’re getting into it now. The chapters from here on out wont be so time skippy as we settle into the meat of the story. This is set in late July some time after The Love God but before the Northwest Mansion Mystery. As usual it is poster here on AO3 if you prefer. Likes and feed back always appreciated. 

And with that I will scream yet another chapter into the endless sea that is the internet. Enjoy.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter Four: Meet the Family

Over the next year and a half Billie became a fairly regular fixture at the Shack. It was almost maddening the way she called to check in with Stan every few days, her mother’s death seeming to spur her on. Stan swore she was suddenly channeling Shermie in her determination to keep in touch, though, when he’d brought up the idea of introducing her to him and the rest of the family, she still protested. As far as he could figure she worried that she was too rough for them to accept, a ridiculous notion in his opinion. For starters she was a successful private investigator who was completely self made, and while he would bet hard cash that some of the people she worked for weren’t above bar that didn’t lessen her success. She was also smart as a whip, and clever as hell, everyone in town seemed to like her and she was undoubtedly kind hearted.  Sure, he might be a bit bias in his opinion of her but she was still objectively a great person to have around who would give you the shirt off her back if she thought you needed it.

Then again he could understand the way she felt. It was easy to see the same kind of quiet self loathing in her that he had. That little voice that whispered that you would never be good enough for anyone and weren’t worth knowing. He saw it flash in her eyes every time he praised her or brought up the rest of the family who were admittedly far more ‘normal’. And while he hated that she thought that of herself and wanted to shake her until she realized she was being stupid he didn’t press the issue. He realized that she all but panicked whenever he even mentioned Shermie and the rest and had noticed that when the twins were brought up at all she looked like she wanted to run for the hills. In fact, he had noticed that when she was helping out around the Shack that anytime she had to directly interact with children beyond a single question she looked like she wanted to run for the hills. So he dropped it figuring she’d come around eventually, and avoided mentioning them at all.

And if he was honest with himself, he kind of liked having her all to himself. Granted, he had to keep up the act that he was her uncle, but the affection that she gave him was something he hadnt realized he needed. She didn’t expect anything from him; he didn’t have to pretend to be a genius or look at him like he’d thrown his whole life away like Shermie did. She liked him for him and seemed to genuinely enjoy his company. The admiration she expressed at his ever expanding collection of oddities was  voiced  almost as often as Soos’, and she constantly seemed to eavesdrop on his tours caught up in his showmanship. It was nice to feel like some one really cared about him that was family. And somewhere deep down inside he was afraid if she met the rest of the family she would start seeing him as the screw up they did.

So they kept on, Billie showing up every few months for a visit. Their relationship wasn’t an openly affectionate one, instead both acting more like they tolerated each other. Much of the time was spent bickering over little things or making stupid bets over anything and everything they could. Yet, the affection they had was there, Billie cooking for them even as she loudly complained that his kitchen wasn’t suited for making a bowl of cereal or Stan calling her a moron for riding that damned bike around with busted tail light because she’d lead the cops right to him only to claim he had no idea how it got fixed by the next morning. It was a bit unconventional, but it seemed to work well for both of them. Not to mention the entertainment it added to Soos and Wendy’s life when they were constantly trying to one up the other.

And so time rolled on until one Tuesday in July Billie trudged up the road her bag slung across her back and a large box in her arms. Glancing around seeing the parking lot empty aside from Soos’ truck and Stan’s car she figured that the sticky heat that hung in the air had chased everyone into whatever cooler shelter they could find. Hopping up the steps she easily caught the handle and pushed the door open with her hip.

“Hey Stan I brought you a gold mine. I managed to get my hands on a two headed fish and a six legged chicken. I figure you can stick them together and…,” she yelled before skidding to a halt. In front of her a little girl with thick brown hair and a neon green sweater with a yellow heart stood braces gleaming as she grinned up at her,

“Hi! Do you have a two tailed rat too?” the child asked eagerly. "Uhhhhh… no?” Billie said, her eyes darting around the room for the old man before returning to the preteen who was bouncing eagerly on her heels, “Why? Do you need one?” she asked, unable to come up with anything else to say.

“No, I just thought it would be neat,” the girl told her cheerfully.

“Oh, okay, cool,” Billie said, staring at her like she had two heads, “STAN THERE’S A STRAY CHILD IN THE LIVING ROOM!” she yelled causing the girl to laugh and shake her head.

“I’m not a stay child, I’m Mabel. Stan’s my great uncle,” she told the older woman causing Billie’s eyes to widen significantly, “Who are you?”

“Uhhhhh Billie,” she replied after a second taking a step back. This wasn’t ideal, while she had not recognized her by sight, she was well aware of Mabel and her brother Mason. They were two of the five family members she’d been avoiding meeting. Feeling a light sweat break out on her body, she resisted the urge to bolt back out the door.

“Oh hey dude,” Soos said as he walked in from the gift shop raising a hand and letting out a laugh. Beside him was a boy who looked eerily similar to the girl beaming up at her who’s face pulled into a suspicious look. Mason, he had his great uncle’s nose, and his eyes; sharp and shrewd.

“Hey Soos,” she said automatically grateful for the presence of another adult at least, “Stan around?”

“Yeah, he’s in the store room. Didn’t know you were coming,” he told her and she rolled her shoulders in an uncomfortable shrug.

“Yeah, well, my bike needs a total overhaul so I dropped it off at the garage this morning,” she explained.

“Cool you can totally help me and Dipper find what whatever is stealing the extra snacks out of the store room while you’re here,” the big man laughed.

“Wait, who are you?” Mason demanded, staring at her.

“Oh dude, you don’t know her?” Soos asked, looking down at him, “She’s Billie. Her Dad is a friend of Stan’s and she stays here when she’s between jobs, man. She’s a private investigator an’ like super cool,” he chuckled and Billie couldn’t help the smile that pulled at her lips. Soos was such a sweetheart she couldn’t help but like him.

“Whoa, you’re a real PI?” Mason said, staring up at her, his suspicion disappearing to be replaced by quiet excitement.

“Like ducktective!?” Mable chimed in and Billie couldn’t help but pull a face.

“The duck is a hack,” she said automatically, the statement one she had said a million times to Stan, “He doesn’t 90% of his investigation is based on conjecture and assumed facts. Plus, he’s closer to the ground so he can find stuff way too easily.”  

“That’s what I said,” Dipper said eagerly, “So you…,”

“What the heck is all the commotion out here? I can hear… Billie!” Stan interrupted himself as he walked his eyes widening as he spotted her, “What are you doing here?!”

“My bike needs an overhaul so I figured I’d drop in since Bats said he’s gonna have to rip it apart,” she told him raising her brows, “You didn’t say you had company though, so I’ll just head over to the Twin,” she said showing the box into his arms and turning, “Nice meeting you guys”

“Wait,” Stan said, glancing down at the kids, before looking back at his daughter who looked like she was ready to run screaming from the house, “I mean you could stay here. We found an extra room,” he told her quickly causing her to cock a brow, her face falling into a skeptical look.

“You found a room?” she asked, “Stan… how on earth did you have a room you didn’t know about? You built the house,” she reminded him and he hesitated before scoffing.

“I’m old. Old people forget things,” he said matter a factly causing her to roll her eyes.

“You forgot a whole room?” she demanded, crossing her arms and resting all her weight on one hip.

“Yeah, and the wax museum,” Maple provided cheerfully causing Billie’s mouth to fall open slightly.

“You have a wax museum?” she demanded.

“Had, we had to melt them all because they were alive cause of a curse and decapitated Wax Stan,” Mabel chirped causing the older woman’s eye brows to shoot up in disbelief, “Well, Larry King’s head is still running around. We can’t get him out of the vents.”

“Well… glad to see the weirdness has cranked up to a 12. Guess the gnomes were too mundane,” she muttered and Dipper stared at her.

“Wait, you know about the gnomes?!” he demanded and she shrugged uncomfortably as both the kids’ stared up at her. Shifting nervously she rolled her shoulders again pulled at he hem of her shirt.

“Don’t everyone? I mean the dam…darn things ‘re everywhere, I always ‘ave ta chase them out of my sattle bags,” she replied casually before catching Stan staring at her like she was spilling state secrets, “What? Are we pretendin’ this place isn’t totally insane? Oh, my bad. Gnomes aren’t real and there sure as he…heck ain’t little campfires that run 'round or a weird thing that stalks you but you can’t never catch cause it’s always behind you,” she said rolling her eyes.

“Whoa, you have to stay,” Dipper said eagerly, “No one believes me about that stuff.”

“Yeah! And you can help me even out the guy vibe around here,” Mabel said happily and Billie hesitated glancing at Stan who shrugged. Widening her eyes she cocked her head at him in an effort for some help, while the kids seemed nice the thought of getting to know them freaked her out. She was just getting okay with the idea of Stan in her life, and honestly children in general freaked her out. Kids were one of those things she avoided like the plague because she didn’t want to be the reason that one of them turned out… like her.

“Your call, kid,” Stan rumbled unhelpfully, causing  Billie to let out a sigh. Looking down at the kids who stared up at her eagerly and then back at Stan who’s stoic scowl slipped for a moment his eyes widening and pleading slightly she found her excuses running dry. She had a feeling that the Twin was full up, she had passed it on the way in and saw the parking lot full. Undoubtedly exhausted travelers had stopped in an effort to escape the heat and stuffy cars. And while she was sure she could head to the next town over she didn’t want to, her bike was in the shop down town and she didn’t want to have to ride the damned bus back and forth.  

“Okay, I guess a few days wouldn’t hurt,” she sighed causing Mabel to let out a delighted squeal and longing forward to wrap her arms around her in a delighted hug causing Billie to grow up her hands in surprised alarm. Hugging wasn’t something she was a big fan of in general, it was one of those things that evoked…feelings. Looking over at Stan she hunched her shoulders and shook her head; she didn’t want to just shove the kid away but at the same time she didn’t know what else to do.

“Great! What are your feelings on glitter?” the girl demanded pulling away much to Billie’s relief though the sudden question threw her.

“It was created by Satan and should be banned from every place of existence,” Billie replied flatly taking a hesitant step back in case the girl lunged at her again.

“Hmmmm, make up?” Mabel said disapprovingly.

“Expensive an’ pointless.”

“Scrapbooking?”

“Evidence trail so no.”

“Boy bands?”

“Ummmm, nonthreatenin’?”

“Pigs?”

“Adorable, but also delicious.”

“Sweaters? Specifically knitted ones?”

“Cozy an’ underrrated.”

“Mmmmmm, we have some work to do, but you have potential,” Mabel declared squinting up at her as she rubbed her chin. Billie gave a tense smile and let out an uncomfortable laugh. Potential for what, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

“Mabel stop doing…,” Stan barked gesturing at her, “….that. You okay kid?” he asked raising a brow at Dipper who stood staring opened mouth at Billie, “Yur sweatier then normal.”

“Yeah,” Dipper said his voice cracking, “Soos, Mabel I need to talk to you about…stuff,” he stammered as he backed towards the door, “So you know…we should go…talk….about stuff…outside,” he added causing Billie to raise a brow as they watched him awkwardly back out the door slamming into the door frame as he went. Soos chuckled as he followed him, Mabel running after him as she declared him a dork. Watching them go Billie shook her head before glancing at Stan.

“What in the Sam Hill, Stanford?” she demanded her head whipping over to glare at him, “Yuh couldn’t'ave mentioned yuh had them here? I talked to yuh two days ago an’ mentioned I’d be comin’ through.”

“It’s been a weird summer,” he replied with a shrug, “Come on it won’t be so bad. Besides this way you can get a feel for 'em before you introduce 'urself to the rest of 'em. If you can survive Mabel and get Dipper you can handle the rest of them no problem. Now what is this crap?” he asked shaking the box she’d handed him.

“A two 'eaded fish and six legged chicken. Real ones, not like the half asses crap yuh usually put out,” she told him a hint of annoyance lingering in her words.

“Yeah well we’ll see about that,” he scoffed

~*~

“What is your deal?” Mabel asked as she watched her twin pace back and forth babbling excitedly as he paged through the journal,

“Dude, you’re freakin’ out,” Soos told him and the boy stopped his eyes wide with excitement as he stared at them like they’d missed something.

“Didn’t you see her hand” he asked his voice high with excitement.

“What?” Mabel asked her face twisting in confusion.

“Her hand. Her left hand has six fingers,” he insisted only to receive raised brows from his sister and a head cock from Soos causing him to let out an exasperated sigh, “She had six fingers guys!”

“Bro you’re loosing me here,” Mabel told him shaking her head.

“Yeah, I mean it’s kind of weird but…,” Soos told him and he rolled his eyes as he snapped the journal closed holding the battered leather cover up to them.

“Her left hand has six fingers,” he repeated slowly, a sense of satisfaction washing over him as they caught up to him.

“No way,” Mabel said her voice airy with awe.

“Dude,” Soos droned staring at the golden emblem on the front, “Dude!”

“I know!” Dipper said his voice almost shouting as he flipped the book around to start at it, “I mean I assumed the author was a guy but…that can’t be just a coincidence. I mean she knows about the gnomes and she said something about the Hide Behind I think,” he said as he flipped through the journal. “All summer we’ve been looking for the author in town but what if they hid the book because they were leaving town?” he mused his words all but running together.

“But Dipper that book is like a hundred years old, and she’s like twenty,” Mabel said pumping the breaks as usual. Pausing Dipper’s brows scrunched together in thought. That was true, and it said that the author had been studying the place for six year after traveling around. And while she could have started the journal when she was a kid it seemed like the author wrote like an adult.

“Wait, what if she’s like the author’s daughter,” Soos said causing them to look at him, “I mean she just showed up a few years ago. Like one day she was just there, but she comes to town like all the time. And she’s always going out in the forest. Maybe she’s looking for him too dude,” he suggested and Dipper once again wondered at Soos strange brand of insight.

“So what? You gonna ask her?” Mabel demanded and Dipper’s mouth twisted in contemplation.

“Mmmmm, maybe we should see if we can find anything out first. You’re good at getting people to tell you things.”

“It’s one of my talents,” Mabel said proudly.

“Right, so you find out what you can about her. She has to have something to do with the journals,” he said sternly, “We’re on the edge of finding out something big I just know it.”

[thelastspeecher]

Pint-Sized Sixer

Okay so this morning, I went through my bookmarks and AO3 and re-read @novantinuum‘s AMAZING fic in the Smaller Than He Seems AU, which is an AU where Ford gets stuck at a younger age while traveling through the multiverse, and returns to Gravity Falls as a child about the same age as Dipper and Mabel.  And after I finished re-reading it, I became inspired to crossover that AU with my own base AU that is part of my brand at this point: Stanley McGucket, aka where Stan gets effectively adopted by the McGucket Family and graduates high school and has kids and grandkids.  Sadly, none of my McGucket OCs appear in this, but Stan’s kids do.

A couple notes: Since it was a spur of the moment thing to write this, I avoided the majority of the angst that would come with this particular situation, so just assume it happens off-screen.  And in a similar vein, the very last scene takes place at the end of the summer, when everyone has had time to come to grips with Ford’s circumstances.

Anyways, enough rambling and background.  Have some...whatever this is.

              “We can probably come up with a way to fix this.”  Ford looked at his newfound niece, Emily.  He shook his head.  “What makes ya think we can’t?” she asked.

              “I’ve tried everything,” Ford said solemnly.  “Nothing worked.”

              “Yeah, but-” Emily started.  Stan looked up from the box of clothes he was currently digging through.

              “Squirt, go make sure Dipper and Mabel are in bed,” he instructed.  Emily rolled her eyes.

              “Fine,” she sighed.  She exited Ford’s study.

              “Ha!” Stan said triumphantly.  He pulled out a pair of khaki shorts and a T-shirt with a lion on it. “Knew I had some of Emmett’s old stuff.” He held out the clothes.  “Here ya go, Benji.”  Ford didn’t take them.  He frowned at Stan.

              “Pardon?”

              “I- oh.”  Stan grimaced.  He set the clothes on the floor.  “I just called ya Benji, didn’t I?”

              “Yes.  You did. Who’s Benji?”

              “Danny’s oldest.”

              “…Danny has children?”

              “Yep.  Four, and a fifth on the way.”  Stan dug around in his back pocket before pulling out his wallet.  He opened the wallet and removed a picture, handing it to Ford.  Ford looked at the picture of his niece, whom he had last seen when she was three.  He smiled faintly.

              She’s an adult now.  In the picture, Danny stood in front of a house Ford didn’t recognize, her arm around a man he assumed was her husband. Intelligence still sparkled in her eyes, even if they were hidden behind glasses now.  Three toddlers sat on the grass directly in front of the couple, while a young boy stood proudly by Danny’s side.  The boy looked more like Ford’s twin at the moment than Stan did. He had inherited the Pines family nose, Danny’s rich brown eyes, and rowdy brown curls from somewhere, despite Danny and her husband’s hair lacking both that color and texture.  He even wore glasses similar to Ford’s.

              “I see the resemblance,” Ford choked out.  Stan took the picture back and returned it to his wallet.

              “Yeah.  Luckily, Benji hasn’t been up here since the triplets were born, so no one around town should confuse you for him.”  Stan chewed on his lip.  “But if nosy people ask, maybe we should still say yer my grandkid.”

              “What?  No!” Ford burst out.  Stan sighed. He sat down on the floor in front of Ford.

              “Whattaya want us to tell ‘em, then?”

              “Nothing.  I won’t be going out in public.”

              “Ford…”  Stan rubbed his forehead.  “You can’t stay cooped up in the house.  It wouldn’t even be the full house!  If you don’t want people outside the fam’ly to see you, you’ll be stuck with only part of it.  We’ve got tourists tramping through every day to see the exhibits, after all.”

              “I can and I will stay indoors.”

              “I don’t think-” Stan started.  Ford crossed his arms.  “…Fine. You’ll get sick of it sooner or later.” Stan got up with a small groan. “Sittin’ down was a bad idea,” he muttered to himself.  He nodded at the box.  “Go ahead and put on whatever you want.  I’ll send Emily out to find some more clothes tomorrow.”

----- 

              Ford poked his head around the door plastered with the “Employees Only” sign.

              The coast is clear.  Damn Stanley and his correct assessment of how I would feel about staying inside the house.  Ford took a cautious step into the empty Gift Shop.  Nothing happened.  No tourists appeared out of nowhere to stampede over him, no relatives manifested from thin air to ask him prying questions.  Ford let out a sigh of relief.  Perfect.  He made his way over to the shelf of souvenirs he could most easily see at this height.

              “$100 for a snowglobe?” he mumbled out loud, picking one up. “Ridiculous.”

              “You lost or something?” a voice asked behind him.  Startled, the snowglobe fell from his hands.  “Aw, man.  That sucks.  Bet you’ll be breaking the piggy bank to pay for that.”  Ford slowly turned around.  At some point while he was distracted, a teenage girl had entered the Gift Shop.  She blew a strand of long, red hair out of her face.  “Better find your parents fast.”  The girl took a seat on the stool behind the register, propped her feet up on the counter, and opened a magazine.  Ford continued to stare at her silently.  After a moment, she sighed and closed her magazine.  “I was kidding.  I’m not actually gonna make you pay a hundred bucks for a cheap snowglobe.  I’ll just tell Stan that it got knocked off the shelf or something.”

              She must be one of Stan’s employees.  The girl raised an eyebrow at him.  If you try to go back to your room now, she’ll stop you, because she thinks you’re a tourist.  Introduce yourself!  Ford opened and closed his mouth silently.  Say something!  She’s just a teenager, she shouldn’t intimidate you! The girl got up with another sigh. She walked over to him and crouched down to his eye-height.

              “All right, kid, I’ll help you find your parents.  Did they go on a tour?”  She frowned.  “Hang on. You look a lot like Stan.  You one of his grandkids?”

              “…Yes,” Ford squeaked, seizing the less-than-ideal way out of the conversation.

              “Ah, okay.  Didn’t realize he had family other than Dipper and Mabel visiting.  He usually makes a big fuss about it.  When’d you get here?”

              “Last week.”

              “When that earthquake happened?” the girl asked.  Ford nodded.  “Oof. Bad timing.  Usually, things don’t float around here.  What’s your name?”

              “F-Ford.”

              “Ford.”  The girl stuck out her hand.  Ford hesitantly shook it.  “I’m Wendy. So, which of Stan’s kids is your parent?”

              “Um…”

              “Wendy, get ready, we’ve got a busload comin’ in ten minutes!” Stan shouted, barging into the Gift Shop.  He frowned at Wendy crouched in front of Ford.  “Get back to work.”

              “Geez.  You usually like it when I talk to your grandkids,” Wendy muttered, standing back up to her full height.  “Whatever.” She ambled back to the register and resumed her position behind the counter, idly reading her magazine.

              “You lookin’ fer food or somethin’, Ford?” Stan asked.  Ford’s stomach rumbled.  “Yeah.  It’s lunchtime.  Let’s fix you up a sandwich before I gotta run tours again.”  Stan ushered Ford back into the residential area of the house. Wendy waved at Ford as they left.

              “No need to say you told me so,” Ford said softly.  “You were right.  I couldn’t handle being stuck to the residential rooms.”

              “Yeah, no shit,” Stan said under his breath.  He looked down at Ford.  “What’d ya think of Wendy?”

              “She’s nice.”

              “Yep.”  Stan nodded. “She’s a good kid.  Helps keep Dipper and Mabel outta trouble.”

              “She asked me if I was your grandson, and I couldn’t think of any other reason that wouldn’t involve her dragging me around looking for my parents, so I said I was.”

              “That’s fine by me.”

              “She also asked which of your children is my parent.”

              “Hmm.  That’s a good question.”  Stan rubbed his chin.  “Maybe we could say Daisy.”

              “I don’t want- why are you so blasé about this?” Ford demanded.  Stan shrugged.

              “After raising four kids in Gravity Falls, there’s not much that’ll surprise me anymore.”

              “…That’s how you knew I would get sick of staying hidden,” Ford said quietly. “You’ve raised four children.”

              “Yeah.  Kids your age have too much energy to stay put for extended periods of time.  You actually held out longer than I thought.”

              “Fantastic,” Ford mumbled.

              “Ford, I’ve been thinkin’.”  Stan scratched his cheek.  “Sure, you might not wanna talk to people outside the fam’ly.  But that shouldn’t stop you from doin’ stuff.  It’s not healthy, fer one thing.”

              “But if I run into someone-”

              “Bring Dipper or Mabel or Emily with you.  They’ll handle whoever you come across.  Hell, you can even bring Soos or Wendy.”  Stan glanced at Ford.  “By the way, I made Soos promise not to spill about you to anyone.  That’s why Wendy didn’t know who ya were.  Figured you’d wanna keep it a secret fer now.”

              “…Thank you,” Ford said softly.

              “No problem.”  Stan cleared his throat.  “Seriously, though.  Next time the kids decide to go do whatever it is they do in the woods, join ‘em. It’ll be good fer ya.”

              “I’ll take that into consideration,” Ford said after a moment. Stan nodded.

              “That’s good enough fer me.”  He checked his watch.  “Shoot, the tourists are gonna be here any second.  Think you can handle lunch on yer own?”

              “Yes.  I’m biologically ten, not two.”

              “Good.  I’ll see ya later.”  Stan adjusted his suit slightly and went back into the Gift Shop.  Ford watched the door swing a few times before making his way to the kitchen.

              And the web of lies begins. Ford let out a small sigh.  I certainly hope this doesn’t result in my attending public school.  I’ve been through that once already.  I don’t want to go through it again.

----- 

              Ford drummed his fingers idly on the arm of Stan’s chair, his attention split between the TV currently blaring National Geographic and the door, through which Stan and the rest of his family were supposed to enter any moment.  He hoped that they would arrive before Soos came to check in on him.

              I am not a fan of this system. Ford scowled.  But agreeing to allow Soos to stop by every day was the only way Stan would leave me here alone.  Even though part of him ached with the desire to reunite with Stan’s children, he cringed at the thought of showing up to the birthday party being thrown for Danny’s triplets.  Stan would have to either come up with a lie, forcing me to act the part of a child, or he’d tell the McGuckets who I really am, which would be humiliating.  He heard the unmistakable sound of tires crunching against gravel.  Voices carried from outside, along with the slamming of car doors.  Ford turned off the TV.  The front door opened.

              “Hey, Ford, we brought you some cake,” Stan said cheerfully, marching into the living room.  He handed Ford a piece of cake in a sealed plastic container.

              “…Thank you,” Ford mumbled.

              “Oh, uh, and Emmett and Lucy are here,” Stan said.  “Emmett decided to take a semester off.  The stress was gettin’ to him.”  Ford perked up.

              I can finally meet the last of Stan’s children.  A tall young man entered, holding the hand of a young girl.

              “Dad, I-” the young man started.  He caught sight of Ford and stopped.  “…What’s Benji doin’ here?”  Before Stan could respond, the man squeezed his eyes shut.  “No, I ‘member now.  The drive messed with my brain a bit.  Wow, they look exactly the same.”  The girl whose hand he was holding looked at Ford curiously.  “Lucy, why don’t ya go with Grandpa Stan and get your room set up?  We can do introductions later.”

              “Okay!” the girl – Lucy – chirped.  She ran upstairs.

              “Sweetie, don’t run so fast.  Your grandpa has bad knees,” Stan called after her.

              “So?” she shouted.  Ford chuckled.

              “She’s certainly your granddaughter.”

              “Yep,” Stan said.  He followed Lucy upstairs, leaving Ford alone with the young man he now recognized as his nephew, Emmett.  Emmett approached Ford.

              “Uh, hi,” Emmett said awkwardly.  He rubbed the back of his neck.  “Sorry ‘bout the confusion earlier.”

              “It’s fine.  Stan showed me a picture.  Benji does look eerily like me.”

              “Yeah.”  Emmett swallowed.  “So, uh, yer my Uncle Ford.”  Ford nodded. “Geez, this is weird.”

              “It’s weird for me as well,” Ford said gently.  Emmett smiled weakly at him.  “But I’m excited to have met you.”

              “Same here.  I mean…I don’t really like the whole Gravity Falls weirdness stuff, but I do like fam’ly. And my whole life, I’ve been told that we might share somethin’ in common.”  Emmett looked down at his feet.  “Don’t know how much I believe that.”

              “A healthy dose of skepticism is required for functioning properly, I’ve found,” Ford replied.  Emmett snorted.

              “Man, the illusion that yer a kid just goes poof the second ya open yer mouth.”

              “That’s a good thing.”

              “…I guess.”  An awkward silence fell.  Footsteps sounded loudly on the stairs.  Stan poked his head into the living room.

              “Emmett-” he started.  Emmett shook his head.  “Okay. Good.”

              “You were the one who wanted to tell ‘im, so…”

              “Tell who what?” Ford asked.  More footsteps scurried downstairs.  Lucy ran into the living room and stopped in front of Ford, staring at him intensely.

              “Lucy-Loo, let’s go help Auntie Emily,” Emmett said, putting his hands on his daughter’s shoulders.

              “But-” Lucy started.

              “C’mon, we better go before she hurts herself,” Emmett insisted.  Lucy’s eyes widened.

              “Oh gosh.  Yeah.” She darted back outside.

              “I’ll let ya know when I’m done talkin’ to Ford,” Stan said to Emmett. Emmett nodded.  He followed his daughter outside.  Ford looked at Stan oddly.

              “Stanley, what is going on?” he asked.  Stan ran a hand through his hair.

              “On the drive, we got to talkin’.  Since it seems like we can’t fix this, we gotta get ya some paperwork and identification and all that good stuff.  Luckily, Danny works in the government, so she knows a guy who’s gonna help us out.”

              “That’s good.”

              “I talked to the kids, and we realized that if we wanna pretend yer my grandkid, which will be the easiest way for us to get you papers, there’s only one kid who could really pull off actin’ like yer parent.”

              “Let me guess.  Emmett?”

              “Yeah.  Danny’s got her own family, Daisy hasn’t even kissed anyone as far as I know, and Emily’s…well…”  Stan swallowed.

              “She lives in town, so the locals would be surprised if she had a child without anyone realizing she was pregnant,” Ford said.  Stan nodded.

              “Sure.  Let’s go with that.”

              “So, my identification will list Emmett as my father?” Ford asked.  Stan nodded again.  “I’m assuming the story is that I am the product of a one-night-stand, and Emmett wasn’t aware of my existence.”

              “Basically.  It works out pretty well, actually, since Lucy happened from a one-night-stand.”

              “Emmett doesn’t seem the type to sleep around.”

              “Well, you did just meet him.  You haven’t gotten to know him that well.”

              “Will I have to move in with him?” Ford asked quietly.  Stan shook his head.  Ford let out a small, relieved sigh.

              “No,” Stan said.  “It’d be better for you, Emmett, and Lucy if ya stay here.  Since this is the first time you’ve met Emmett, it’ll be easy to make the case that you shouldn’t stay with him.  And I’d hate fer ya to have to act like a kid around Lucy.”

              “You won’t be telling her the truth.”

              “Not yet.  Maybe when she gets older.”  Stan looked into Ford’s eyes.  “That’s what we came up with, but if you don’t like it, we’ll scrap the whole thing.”

              “…No, it’s…”  Ford looked down at his lap.  “It’s the best option, given the circumstances.”

              “It still sucks,” Stan said.  Ford nodded.

              “I won’t deny that.”  He swallowed. “Okay.  I can be Emmett’s son.”  Stan’s shoulders slumped in relief.

              This was clearly the best idea they could come up with to make everyone as happy as possible.

              “In public,” Stan said.  Ford looked back up.  “You’ll be Emmett’s son in public.  In private, you’re still my brother.”  Ford managed a small smile.

              “Good.”  Ford sighed again.  “Maybe Lucy and I can form a familial relationship of some sort.  It might be nice to have a sister.”

              “Emmett claims it’s overrated,” Stan said with a shrug.  Ford chuckled.

              “It’ll be easier to bond with Lucy if I’m not living in the same household as her,” he continued.  “I’d imagine the jealousy over an older sibling not attending school would be difficult to get past.”  Stan was quiet.  “…I won’t be expected to attend school, correct?”

              “Um…”  Stan looked away.

              “Stanley.”

              “You won’t have to go to school this year.  Let’s leave it at that.”

              “Stanley-”

              “We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.”  Stan headed for the front door.  “Come outside and help us unload.”  Ford got out of the armchair.

              “That’s not how the saying goes, Stanley,” he grumbled.

              “Yeah, yeah,” Stan said breezily.  “Whatever.”

[nataliedanovelist]

GF - Growing Old(er)

Alternate Title: Growing Older

Summary: Everyone has a sinking realization that life is temporary and that we’re all gonna die, and unfortunately sweet Mabel has her’s.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Come on, Stanley, be serious!”

“I am serious! Dipper can have my boxing gloves and Mabel can have my old collection of photos.”

“This is an important document that goes above and beyond a few keepsakes!” Ford tried to explain this, yet again, to his brother. “We need to discuss more important arrangements…”

“Look, Wise Guy, the Shack already belongs to Soos…”

“But what about the car? What about the Stan O’ War?”

“The boat’s gonna be burned down with us in it.” Stan held up his hands in front of him and moved them apart as he elaborated. “Picture this: two old sailors lying in their boat, their friends and family shooting flaming arrows at it across the sea as some farewell-bar song plays. We’d go down like kings!”

“Yeah, no.” Ford said firmly. “We’re not doing that.”

Mabel skipped into the living room and found her grunkles at the card table. They had a bunch of stupid-looking documents covering the table, but Ford seemed like the only one really interested in it, a pen in his hand and he was leaning forward to work while Stan was sipping a can of soda and sat back in the chair. “Whatcha doin’?” She asked.

“Constructing our will and testimony.”

“WHAT?!” Mabel shrieked and covered her mouth with her hands. Her uncles stared at their niece as her eyes filled with tears and she struggled to ask with a choked whisper, “Are… are you guys…”

“Oh no, pumpkin.” Stan scooped her up into his lap and hugged her. Mabel clung onto his undershirt tightly and bit her lip as she tried not to cry. “Sixer and I are fine, I promise. He just thought it’d be a bright idea to get this outta the way for when we do kick the bucket.”

Ford leaned forward and rubbed her back. “I’m sorry, my dear, I never meant to scare you like this. I swear, we’re both perfectly healthy and going to be around for awhile.”

Mabel wiped her tears away with the sleeve of her sweater and sniffed. “O-Okay. So… why are you making a will?”

“Well, unfortunately someone bypassed the downsides of faking your death and stealing another man’s name.” Ford said lightly as he gave Stan a crooked smile. His twin just stuck his tongue out at him. “So there are some things we need to discuss to simplify complicated actions and it would be a good idea to make certain arrangements.”

“Like what?”

“Well, since in a way we both share the name ‘Stanford Pines’, it would be wise to make such legal documents together. This will ensure that the right people receive the right gifts and inheritance, and that our bodies are properly taken care of in an orderly manner that best helps the living grieve and keeps the government off our backs.”

Mabel still didn’t like the sound of all of this. “But why do you guys need to talk about it? You said you’re fine.”

“We are, sweetie,” Stan said warmly and ruffled her hair. “But we’re not gonna be around forever. Eventually these old farts are gonna be sleeping with the fishes, and when that happens we just wanna make sure everything’s taken care of. At least that’s what Sixer wants. I don’t care what happens as long as my tombstone is bigger than his.”

“That is not going to happen.” Ford said firmly with a smile.

“Too bad, I called it.”

“Since when?!”

“Since the election last summer. The niblings can back me up, right Mabel?”

The brunette grinned and shrugged. “Sorry, but since you two aren’t fighting anymore it doesn’t count. Clean slate!”

“What?!” Stan gasped with a smile. “Betrayed by my own pumpkin! Fine! Someone’s not getting my old stop-motion movies!”

“Good!” Mabel laughed with her uncles for a little bit while Ford wrote some stuff down, still trying to complete the task. The teenage girl looked up at her hero and she remembered the reason why she came in here in the first place. “Hey, do you guys wanna go make some cupcakes with me? I’ve got extra sprinkles!”

“Sure,” Stan let Mabel slide off his lap and he stood, but his brother stopped him.

“Not so fast, Stan, we have to finish this at some point. Why don’t we make cupcakes after dinner?”

Mabel’s concerns were coming back. She looked at Ford carefully to try to pick up a lie. “I thought you said you two were okay.”

“We are, Mabel, I promise.” Ford even paused his work and crossed his heart for his niece, making her smile. “But no one lives forever. One day we won’t be here. It’s like Stanley said; we just want to make sure everything will be okay.”

“It’s the way it works.” Stan said with a shrug and plopped down in his chair. “We’re born, we live a little, and then we die. S’long as you don’t just survive but live too, it ain’t so bad.”

Mabel stared at her uncles. “Aren’t you scared?” Her voice was meek and lacked her usual confidence.

“Of death? Not really.” Ford admitted. “Death is nothing but the next great adventure. An unseen destiny awaiting all mortals at the end of their lifespans.”

“And hey, that doesn’t mean I’m ready to go just yet.” Stan added in. “I wanna see my kids graduate and get married and have their own little gremlins to terrorize them.”

“Oh, absolutely!” Ford quickly agreed with. “I didn’t mean we’re done with life, but the more familiar we become with death, the less frightening it is.”

“Besides, we’ve both faced the hooded dude so many times, leaving with him will be like seeing an old friend.” Stan barked a quick laugh and added, “Maybe I’ll grab drinks with him!”

Mabel giggled, but then slowly wandered onto a dark train of thought. The idea of death was not new to her; she and her brother had nearly died at the hands of an evil triangle (she still sometimes had nightmares about it). But even though she had come to terms with growing up, she hadn’t put two and two together and realized that growing up also means growing older and then dying. It was new territory Mabel had not yet ventured into, and suddenly she didn’t feel like making cupcakes anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next day the subject was still on Mabel’s mind. One day, her favorite people in the whole world were going to die. Stan was going to die, Ford was going to die, Dipper was going to die. Then she would be all alone until she died. But then what? The end? Lights out? There were such things as ghosts, so maybe they could come back and haunt Gravity Falls as a family, but the ghosts didn’t seem quite like themselves on Earth; they were vengeful and angry and hurt. Mabel’s grunkles had enough of that in life, so maybe it was for the best that they don’t come back.

Mabel was so distracted that she tripped on a rock while walking in the woods and scraped her knee. She held it and winced with tears in her eyes, a little bit of blood trickling down from her small wound. “Ow, ow, ow! What the…”

She looked at the rock that had caused it and saw something odd by it. A necklace with a silver chain and a red ruby in a circle sparkled by the rock. Mabel picked it up and looked at it. Scratches of some kind were around the ruby and it sparkled and looked pretty. The ruby was a darker red than most normal rubies, but there was no denying the sparkling gem. “Wow, cool! I bet Grunkle Ford would love to look at this.” For safekeeping, Mabel put it around her neck and tucked it under her sweater as she stood.

She continued on her way to town and she smiled at the arcade. As she approached, she was oblivious to her changing body. She grew a few inches taller, now maybe slightly shorter than Wendy, and her hair was shorter, now only to her shoulders. A few zits littered her maturing skin and her curves were growing in. Mabel was so distracted by her thoughts and the need to think of something else that she didn’t even notice. Her clothes magically changed with her so she didn’t feel tight or uncomfortable.

Mabel entered the arcade and happily played that new battle video game she had her eye on. Shooting aliens made her feel a little bit better, but it also made her hungry. She left the arcade a little while later and talked to herself as she wandered around Gravity Falls for something to eat. “I mean, I get it. There’s nothing wrong with change. I know there’s nothing I can do about it, but I guess I never really thought about everything changing like that.”

As Mabel walked, her hair grew back to it’s normal length and her zits went away. Her vision was a little blurry, but Mabel just shrugged it off and dismissed it as a sign that she was tired. She did feel emotionally drained as she purchased a jelly-filled doughnut and munch on it, her mind now in a rut. She had no idea what to do or where to go to feel better, so maybe a walk in the woods would help.

Mabel strolled through the forest and continued to think about life and death. “Poor guys… what will happen to them if they’re not together? What if Grunkle Stan dies first? Grunkle Ford will be all alone, but what if Grunkle Ford dies first? Then Grunkle Stan will be all alone again. None of that’s fair.” Mabel then gasped in horror and her eyes became more blurry due to tears. “What if Dipper dies first and I end up all alone? Or what if I die first and then he’ll be all alone? Ugh, why can’t every twin die of duel heart attack?!”

Mabel was very tired. Her back ached and her legs ached and her knees ached and she had a headache… everything hurt. She realized she was at the lake and she decided to sit by the shoreline and rest. She held her knees by her chest and peered down at the water. “I guess I just gotta… WHAT?!” Mabel yelled in horror and jumped away from her reflection, but then forced herself to make sure she wasn’t crazy.

An old version of Mabel stared back at the thirteen-year-old. Her gray hair was the same shade as Grunkle Stan’s except for a stripe of darker gray down her long hair, kinda like Grunkle Ford. She had wrinkles from all of her past smiles and her hands were ached with arthritis. In fact, everything hurt, but if Mabel had to guess, her reflection was only in her fifties.

“Wow… I look so cool!” Mabel cheered as she peered down at the lake. “Look at me! I look like a silver fox! This is great! I can buy all the drinks and magazines I want! On weekdays I get half-priced dinners! I get free money from the government! And now I don’t have to go to high-school!” She laughed at her own joke, but then her back popped painfully and she yelped. “Ouch! Is this how the guys feel all the time?” Mabel asked as she looked at her curly gray hair and her wrinkling skin. A scary realization started to sink in. “Oh no. This… This is bad… What if I… Ford!” She gasped and quickly stood up. “Grunkle Ford will know what to do! He can fix me!”

Against better judgment, Mabel ran as fast as she could for home. Her hair became grayer and curlier as it began to lose it’s life. Mabel suddenly felt an overwhelming pain in her chest, making it hard to breathe, and she tripped over her own feet and fell, unable to get back up. The old lady moaned on the grass, helpless. She looked up and with her horrible vision she could have sworn she could see a brown triangle up ahead, indicating the Mystery Shack.

“Help… help…” She breathed weakly, but no one was coming. She sighed with exhaustion and laid back down on her front to try to regain some rest so she could move forward.

Dipper, meanwhile, had been looking for his sister. He guessed she was hanging out with Candy and Grenda, but in case she was somewhere in the house he wanted to ask her if she had borrowed his BABBA CD. “Mabel? Mabel?” He called on the porch. He shrugged and was about to head inside, forced to be patient, but then he heard and saw Waddles scamblering out of the woods alone; immediately Dipper suspected something was off; Mabel never lets her beloved pig explore alone, but maybe he had been adventurous and sneaky and now regretted it.

“Waddles?” Dipper scratched the top of his head to calm him down. “What’s up, buddy? You okay?”

Waddles suddenly bit his vest, tugged, and then let go and ran back to the edge of the woods. He oinked and squealed, begging Dipper to follow him. Taking his chances, Dipper followed, wondering if something - or someone - was out there. Only a few steps into the woods and Dipper saw a woman on the ground face-first. He saw the long gray hair and gasped with shock when he realized it was an old lady. “Whoa, hey, are you okay, miss?” He asked and was on his knees by her side, unsure how to help.

“Dipper…” The old lady sighed and looked up at the boy.

“Mabel?!” Dipper gasped; she may be old, but he could recognise her own twin. “What the heck happened?! Did you time travel? Are you from the future?!”

“N-No…” Mabel sighed. “Ford… Grunkle Ford… get…”

“Come on, I’ll take you to him.” Dipper said firmly to mask his fear. He draped one of his sister’s frail arms over his neck and helped her up to her feet. Slowly but surely they were heading back towards home.

Meanwhile, Ford was at the kitchen table, pleasantly munching on his lunch. Stan, on the other hand, shivered, put down his fork, and gulped down some soda.

“What, you don’t like my tuna salad?” The scientist asked.

“No. Who puts raisins in tuna salad?”

“The French.”

“Well, it’s not right.” Stan grumbled as he started on a new task: picking the raisins out of his meal.

Ford rolled his eyes and got up to refill his glass with water. The door opened and they heard Dipper’s voice before they saw him. “Grunkle Ford!”

He smiled kindly and turned, “What is it, m-” He dropped his glass, letting it shatter by his boots.

Mabel hung loosely by his shoulder, her hair gray and her skin in wrinkles. The elder twins rushed to her and Stan got to her first, holding her gently by the chin to look at her face. “Mabel, sweetie! Can you hear me? What happened?!”

“I don’t know, I just found her like this!” Dipper answered.

“Set her in the armchair.” Ford instructed. “We can fix this…”

“What if we can’t?!” Stan dared to ask. “I’m not just saying this cuz of her age, but she doesn’t look good.”

“No, you’re right.” Ford elaborated. “She’s not that much older than us, but the sudden change must have taken a toll on her body; we’ve had time to adjust and keep our bodies in good shape… or at least prevent aches, but she hasn’t had that kind of time. But she’ll be fine, we can reverse this, I’m sure of it.”

Dipper had Mabel sit on the armchair, her eyes closed, and now sitting back the amount of effort she had to put into breathing was more apparent. She groaned slightly and the boys were shocked to find her aging again more rapidly in front of them. Her wrinkles were deeper and her hair slowly turned white.

“Dipper, get the first aid kit, now!” Ford commanded and the teenager was off like a rocket.

Stan sat on the dino-skull and held her thin hand. “Just hang on, pumpkin, we’ve got this.” He soothed, his voice trembling slightly due to his tightening throat.

Mabel moaned slightly and tried to open her eyes. “Gr-Grunkle Stan…”

“Yeah, it’s me, sweetheart.” Stan smiled and squeezed her hand. “You’ll be fine, you’re a Pines for crying out loud, so just hang in there, okay?”

Mabel cracked a small smile and nodded.

Dipper was back. “Here!”

“Good,” Ford opened it and took her opposite hand, pulling out a stethoscope and listening to her heartbeat through her wrist. “Let’s see…”

Mabel was aging again; her hair was thinning and some of it was falling out of her scalp. Her hand in Stan’s grasp was now nothing more than skin on bones, her veins sensitive. She moaned and had to put more effort into her breathing; now she looked almost a hundred.

“No, no, no!” Stan called. “Mabel?”

“Hold on, sweetie, it’ll be okay.” Ford gently coached Mabel as he listened to her heartbeat, praying it would never stop.

“What the…” Dipper began to notice faint glowing behind Mabel’s sweater. He pulled down to see her neck and upper-chest and he gasped at a red ruby necklace with a silver chain. The gem was glowing and vibrating, almost looking like it was hot, and when Dipper went to touch it, it almost burned his skin and it was stuck to Mabel’s skin like it had been super-glued onto her.

“That’s not any gem!” Ford gasped. “That’s a Youth-Sucker! It drains the wearer’s youth until the host dies and then the necklace will feed off of the body.”

“What do we do, what do we do?!” Stan asked.

“We have to remove it, carefully.” Ford said and turned to Dipper. “Get the tool kit.” And the teenager was gone, again.

Too soon Mabel was aging again. More hair was falling out, now half of it was gone and the rest remaining was thin. Mabel tried to swallow a moan but it was very apparent on her face that she was in a lot of pain. The pain would definitely explain the sou-sucking leech. Ford eyed the anomaly on his niece’s chest as it began to pur happily over the approaching meal.

“Dipper, hurry!” Ford barked harshly.

Mabel struggled to open her eyes, but she was tired of looking at the darkness. “I… I love you…” Her voice was so quiet and so weak it was a miracle it could be heard.

Stan squeezed her hand as tightly as he could risk without hurting her. “We love you too, pumpkin, but don’t gimme any of that mushy stuff like it’s goodbye, okay?” He blinked to try to ease the stinging in his eyes.

“M’scared…”

“Here!” Dipper was back and practically threw the tool box at Ford so he could get to work.

The scientist pulled out one of his electronic gloves and a pair of tweezers and instructed,” Dipper, hold down the sweater’s neck so I can work.” Dipper helped the gem being showcased and it continued to vibrate and burn and pur. Mabel would probably have a very nasty burn on her chest for a while, but that didn’t matter nearly as much as saving her life.

“Easy, easy,” Ford said mostly to himself as he carefully pinched the gem by the hook where the string was, reading to pull when the anomaly was at its weakest. He would have to do it quickly to not worsen Mabel’s burn with his glove, and so in classic Stanford Pines action, with one swift movement he shocked the gem and pulled it off of Mabel’s chest the second it screeched with pain and anger.

The moment the Youth-Sucker was off Mabel her youth returned her to and soon she was a tired thirteen-year-old, rosy cheeked and with a full head of beautiful brown hair. She blinked her eyes open and rubbed them with her fists, like waking from a dream, and was surprised to find still electrocuting the Youth-Sucker in his fist as punishment for trying to kill his Mabel. “Whoa.”

“Mabel!” Stan cried out and swallowed her into his lap for a tight hug. “Don’t scare me like that, pumpkin, I thought I was gonna lose you!”

“I’m sorry, I just thought it looked cool.” Mabel tried to explain but her face was buried in his chest and she happily hugged him back.

“Well, all’s well that ends well.” Ford breathed, his anxiety finally going down as he stood normally and pocketed the Youth-Sucker to dissect for science. “I’m sure there’s a valuable lesson to take from all of this.”

“Meh, too tired to figure that out.” Mabel moaned as she nuzzled her face against her grunkle.

“Alright, then bed sweetie.” And Dipper and Ford knew better than to point out that he was taking her to his bedroom instead of the attic; Stan needed a nap, too, and there was no way he was going to let his little girl out of his arms for a while after that traumatizing scare.