#i feel like we should have to upload our ids or something for these adults apps

[maurypovichofficial2]

WHY DID 15 YEAR OLD HMU ON GRINDR!!!!!

[autistic-katara]

ok i might get blocked by a couple ppl for saying this but the Jackson’s Diary fandom is seriously making me wanna become a proshipper out of spite (read the post before blocking me or whatever please)

like idk if u guys have checked the fandom tag on ao3 recently but theres been a bit of drama surrounding the fact that someone posted a smut-fic of Exer (an 18yo) and David (an almost 18yo, who was aged up A FEW MONTHS for the fic) and they were harassed into taking it down and making a fucking apology post ON AO3, THE PROBLEMATIC FANWORKS WEBSITE.

and this fic was tagged 100% correctly like it was very explicitly tagged as smut n stuff yet there were still a bunch of comments being like “uhm what did i just read 🤨” and when i made a comment defending the authors right to yk, not be harassed for making not even rlly problematic content someone who clearly would suffer withdrawal symptoms if they turned twitter off for too long started arguing with me abt how “erm ackhtually we should be allowed to comment harassment under ppls harmless and explicitly tagged fics cause theres no smut in this fandom and it shocked us” and u could just rlly tell they felt they were more righteous than God in their opinions and yeah so cut to tonight when i’m scrolling through the tag and i see a post titled “i’m so sorry” in which the author made a post basically being like “i’m so sorry for posting that ik it was disgusting it has been permanently deleted” which in the comments a few ppl were telling them that what happened sucked n stuff (myself included // judging by their reply they only did this to stop the harassment which yk, completely fair) and i went back to scrolling since i wanted an actual fic not fandom drama but like 2 posts down there was another post titled “please stop” or smthn like that where someone else made a post basically being like “guyssss can we please not write smut of these characters this fandom is so wholesome i dont wanna ruin it 🥺 anyways sorry this isnt a fic this just needed to be said lol” and like dude, my guy, WHAT THE FUCK?!

this is AO3, this is a fanwork archive that as far as i know was created (at least partially) due to the fact that ppl kept getting their “problematic” works taken down from other sites and the creators wanted to yk archive all fanworks. this is NOT a social media site where u can make callout posts abt how what someone else posted disturbed ur pure wholesome chaste scrolling by daring to uploaded something with *gasp* consensual sex between 2 consenting adults?! (or canonically 1 consenting adult and 1 consenting gonna-be-an-adult-in-a-few-months-but-isnt-much-younger-than-the-first-guy but u get the idea)

like guys, ao3 is not twitter. it is not tiktok, it is not tumblr, its not youtube, its not even wattpad. it is not a social media platform, it is a fanwork archive, specifically one that lets u post whatever kinda content u want (yes, even smthn depicting 2 consenting adult/almost adult participates that are in no way related having sex, ik its crazy what they allow online these days).

and look honestly the callout post wouldn’tve annoyed me this much if it was posted on yk an actual social media. like if it was posted on twitter or tiktok or on youtube as a video essay or even on here, like sure if i saw it id be annoyed that this fandom cant handle the tiniest bit of non-puritanicalism and fuck, maybe if it was on here id even drag myself into a pointless days-long argument that causes me suicidal levels of stress but on archive of our fucking own itself?! for the millionth time, IT IS NOT A SOCIAL MEDIA! u dont make posts like that that u want the rest of the fandom to read or whatever on there because its not that kinda website!

anyways yeah i hope i explained the situation ok, u might be able to check it out urself if u feel like it and yeah idk this whole thing just kinda felt like a wake-up call for me like yes i find incest and pedophilia disgusting OBVIOUSLY and i dont like ppl romanticising it in fiction but idk i’ve seen ppl talk abt toxic antis before and show screenshots of conversations where theyve acted super shitty but idk seeing this all unfold in person and having to argue with these hardcore antis just- i dont wanna be associated with these ppl, if these are what alotta antis r like i dont want anyone to assume i agree with them like at all, whether its other antis, proshippers, or ppl like me who have a super complicated opinion on it. like they harassed a person into taking down their smut and made call-out posts on ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN abt how they dont want their wholesome pure fandom corrupted by gross dirty irredeemable sex. and just yeah hope no mutuals i seriously care abt unmoot or even block me over this since ik a few of u r antis but yeah srry for this i just kinda seriously hate this fandom right now :)

also incase anyone is typing out a “kill yourself pedo” reply/rb rn; i turn 15 on Friday, i am 2+ years younger than ur innocent bb minor boy David and his definitely not already a legal adult boyfriend Exer so yk

[necros-writing-stuff]

I'm really disappointed that dol is on TikTok. It's hard to explore darker topics online especially when there are minor to adult interactions.

I'm not shaming enjoying dark content, you must get a choice in interacting with it.

DoL is a game you discover by choice and should never something you randomly see while looking at silly videos. rape is already a dark topic, but that's just the iceberg of DoL.

If you want a good example of how minors were treated badly / incorrectly, please think of my little pony. It's a good show for all ages and fan content is encouraged, however forcing unfiltered content on public platforms is terrible. Little kids didn't need to know about all these pony horror stories or how pinkie goes psycho.

We're lucky that Tumblr has ways to block tags or certain words because that's a rare choice you get. The internet isn't that simple or safe :(

This thinking point has always been a difficult one.

Because it doesn't matter if you create a website that is adult only. Without the ability to check IDs of users (which could easily get leaked and that's its own nightmare) then you have things where you just have to check a little box to confirm being over 18. And I don't know if you remember being a kid, but those signs mean fucking nothing. The tiktok thing is a prime example. Hell, even pre-internet how many things did you see of teens with magazines, gossiping with friends, "peeping toms".

So what can we do? We can dissappear into our private spaces - like discord servers. Until companies like Apple decide to ban nsfw content from their app store, making discord have to choose losing a large client, or keeping its freedom, just like tumblr.

And it doesn't fucking matter if you ban nsfw content in order to get rid of CSEM, or videos uploaded without permission of everyone in them. Because those who want those things will just find a sneakier way to get their jollies off.

So content creators - because of the stupidity of others and large companies - have to come up with things like the citrus scale. Have to figure out how to tag safely. Because we want our content to be seen and to have a community where we can share our thoughts and make friends, just like anyone else. We want our media choice to thrive and not die. DoL likely wouldn't be as big as it is without the ability to share content of it publically. Nor would BTD, nor would any hardcore game, anime, show, book, or whatever. As much as some hate fandoms, they fucking spread the word like nothing else.

And of course there's the issue of children's content becoming sexual. Which you see all of the fucking time. Not even MLP (even if it was/is rampant there), but I've seen a lot of porn of Disney characters. You remember Elsagate? That shit wasn't just adults finding a children's character attractive, it was using them to groom kids, too.

But adults still enjoy those happy shows. They still feel as much joy as the kids consuming them, and therefore want to use it to produce adult things. So what can they do, to appreciate their interests safely? Not a fucking lot. Just tagging. That's all we're left with. And it's getting harder and harder every day.

And let's not even mention the adult fandoms overrun by entitled children. That shit makes my blood boil. It's 🔪 not 🔪 for 🔪 you. Stop it. You're going to be groomed - if not, your mind will be warped into unhealthy ways of thinking. Trust me. I was one of you.

[yunkiwii]

tattoos together | college au

Pairing: FWB!Seonghwa x Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff დ

Warnings: slightly suggestive, drinking, language

Word Count: ~3k

Requested: no, but you can see how to do so here if you’d like!

A/N: I recommend listening to tattoos together by lauv, since this is based on that song. ♡

Summary: (y/n) met Seonghwa in college and they quickly became close, ending up as friends with benefits. On a night out with some friends both of them ended up drinking a bit to much and well, I think we all know where this is going.

⇘

“Whereee shouuuuld weee go next?” (y/n) asked, loudly, as she grabbed Seonghwa’s arm so she wouldn’t fall, being tipsy from all the wine she had been drinking with her friends at dinner.

“You should probably head back home before you hurt yourself or someone else.”

“Don’t be a mood killer, sweetie!” (y/n) groaned back to Mia, pointing a finger to her way too sober roommate and best friend. "We still have a long long night ahead of us!" (y/n) stumbles making Seonghwa hold her closer to him.

Seonghwa wasn't nearly as drunk as (y/n), just tipsy enough to go on board with her crazy plans without thinking twice.

"So, let’s go find a party to crash!" the boy started walking away from his friends dragging a smiley faced (y/n) with him, both clearly more intoxicated than the rest of the group.

They hadn’t gone far, mainly because of how slow their feet were moving, when Hongjoong intervened.“Guys! Wait up!” they stumbled on their own feet when turning around to look at their friend. Their two friends were already approaching them. “Do you guys really think it is a good idea to just wander around like that?”

“YES!” both stated firmly at the same time before bursting into laughter.

“Well, I’m not in the mood and since you’re both adults you can take good care of yourselves.” Mia shrugged her shoulders and was about to leave when she remembered something else, “Please be quiet when you get home, and be safe.” She threw a warning look at Seonghwa when saying the last words. She knew how crazy her best friend could get with a couple of drinks and a party, and Seonghwa had a strong effect upon (y/n) that Mia never understood, and she only hoped he would use it for (y/n)’s sake.

“I’ll take you home, Mia. See you tomorrow guys.” Hongjoong did a little run to catch up to the girl. The other two friends bursted into laughter again when they saw Hongjoong place an arm around Mia’s shoulder.

“Now we know why they wanted to go home so badly…”

“Oh Seonghwa, they’re not like us. They will probably just cuddle for now. Let’s go!” (y/n) grabbed the boy’s hand and started her demand to find a party again.

“What do you mean they’re not likes us? We also cuddle!” (y/n) giggled at how offended Seonghwa sounded.

“Hm you know, they want a real relationship, we’re just friends having fun. Besides, our cuddles are never just cuddling.” She said it like it wasn’t a big deal and didn’t really think much of it. Seonghwa on the other hand got hurt, he didn’t quite understand why though. They agreed from the very start that this was a casual friends with benefits kind of thing, nothing more.

He shook these thoughts out of his head, thinking perhaps it was just the alcohol speaking.

In the meantime (y/n) uploaded a story of them on Instagram asking if there were any parties they could crash. That story led them to a new club that had opened recently, making (y/n) almost run there out of excitement. This was her first night out in two months, after being trapped between her room and the library to study for exams. Now she was finally free and wanted to live it to the fullest, Seonghwa not minding at all to join in.

Unfortunately, the excitement soon turns into disappointment. They get to the club, ID’s in hand, bodies already moving to the muffled beat leaving the building, but the security guard stops them from going any further. They look at each other and back at the big, buffy man, that blocked the entrance with his arm, with confused looks. They had already showed their ID’s, it didn’t make sense.

Then, the guard pointed at (y/n)’s clothes. She was wearing black shorts, fishnet tights, combat boots and the piece of clothing that seemed to be the problem, an oversized boyfriend style t-shirt.

“You can’t come in with boy’s clothes.” The big man stated, without an ounce of emotion in his voice.

“WHAT?” (y/n)’s posture changed completely; a defiant look marked all over her face, “That doesn’t make any sense! These aren’t boy’s clothes; these are MY CLOTHES! And even if they were boy’s clothes, we live in a free country, I can wear whatever I want!”

“Then go wear whatever you want somewhere else. You can’t come in like that, it’s the club’s policy.”

“Fuck the club’s policy! That’s so unethical what the hell?! I can’t believe people were recommending me this shit hole!” (y/n) screamed into the guard’s face, pointing fingers, waving arms and when she was finished, she spat on his shoes. Yes, she spat. Seonghwa grabbed her hand immediately pulling her out of there before they got into trouble, and ran away into nowhere, just wanting to get away.

“I’ll make sure to fill a complaint later.” Seonghwa stated after catching his breath from the unplanned cardio. “Also, I think this run sobered me.”

“I can’t believe that wearing oversized clothes is breaking club’s policy, what the hell?” (y/n) sat on the sidewalk still annoyed with the situation. “I’ve would’ve spat on his face if he weren’t to be that freaking huge.” Seonghwa laughed loudly sitting down next to her, making her laugh as well. “Thank you for pulling me out, he could probably smash me with one hand.”

“That’s what I’m here for (y/n), Mia delegated me the job when she decided to go home. But I got to say, you scare me sometimes.” He bumped his shoulder on hers lightly, making her look up at him smiling. “What should we do now? Go home?”

“I guess... the night is ruined anyway, and I also think the run sobered me.” (y/n) chuckled, leaning her head to rest on the boy’s shoulder. This simple gesture almost made Seonghwa forget how to breathe, starting to feel funny things in his stomach. He remained as still and quiet as possible, afraid that even the slightest movement would make her stand up and break the contact.

They stayed like that for a while, still recovering from the run. Until (y/n) noticed something right in front of them that made her stand up with a sudden movement, startling Seonghwa. She widened her eyes and looked down at her friend, as happy as a kid opening Christmas’ presents.

“What?”

“This night can still be memorable! I’m a genius!” she started crossing the road, stopping in the middle to look at her friend, still standing up from the sidewalk. “Come one! Hurry up!”

Seonghwa could not believe how a person could change their mood that fast. A few moments ago, she was pouty, annoyed, angry, and just wanted to go home. But now, she looks like a child and is ready for a new adventure as if nothing had happened before. He did love that about her. Love? Wait, no what? He liked her, liked, as a friend. He was sure of it. Or was he?

“How?”

“How what?”

“How are you going to make this night memorable?” that question made her smile even wider, grabbing his hand for what seemed to be the hundredth time that night, dragging him to a small shop with a neon light sign. As soon as Seonghwa realised what it was he stepped back.

“No, (y/n), no way you’re getting a tattoo here!” his face expression was shock, and nothing else.

“No, I am not. We are!”

“What do you even know about this place? Is it even hygienic?” Seonghwa glanced over the tattoo shop with disgust.

“I don’t know,” (y/n) shrugged her shoulders, “but we should get inside and find out.” She stepped in without a care in the world, a little bell rang when she opened the door.

Seonghwa walked behind her looking around, analysing every small detail searching for any red flags that would tell him to get the hell out of there. So far, everything seemed nice, it was organized, the store overall seemed clean, and the tattoo drafts hung upon the walls were actually aesthetically pleasing.

“This doesn’t look so bad… but what kind of tattoo shop is opened until this late at night?” The boy wasn’t yet convinced, and (y/n) knew it would take him a while, being as cautious as he is.

“Stop being so septic about everything, Hwa!”

“May I help you?” a voice coming from behind them made (y/n) jump. A tall woman came out of the side door, probably leading to where the tattoos were made, and greeted them with a smile. “Sorry if I startled you, love.”

“Oh, hm, we want to get tattoos! Together!” Seonghwa glanced over at (y/n) wondering why she was being so weird and flustered all of a sudden, so lost looking at her that he didn’t even corrected the together part. But he went back to reality when the woman spoke again.

“So, you want matching tattoos?”

“NO! We don’t, I don’t, I haven’t agreed to this yet! (y/n), a word please?”

“We’ll be right back!” (y/n) said all smiley to the woman, who smiled back at her while she was basically being dragged to the outside again. “What the hell Hwa? You could’ve been nicer back there!”

“You are all heart eyed looking at that tattoo artist!”

“So what? … are you jealous Hwa?”, (y/n) smirked, tilting her head sweetly, pleased with how annoyed the boy looked about the situation.

“What? No! I don’t have any reason to be jealous, this,” he pointed between them,” this isn’t a relationship, so no, I’m not jealous. You wish. And don’t give me that look!”

“You look cute when you get nervous, Hwa.”

“Shut up, let’s just go home!” he said as he started to walk away, but (y/n) was stubborn and wouldn’t leave without a tattoo so she stood in front of him so he wouldn’t go any further.

“We haven’t gotten our tattoos yet. And I really want a tattoo on my thigh and I really want to do it with you!”, she pointed her index at him touching his chest slightly.

“Why though?”

“Because I don’t have any thigh tattoo yet, duh..”

“And you should get one, there’s plenty of space for it.” He smirked glancing at (y/n)’s thick thighs, getting a soft punch on his shoulder as a response. “But why with me? Do I really have to make one too?”

“Yes! I really want us to have something ours, I have one with Mia as well and you’re my only other best friend and I don’t want to lose you.”

“And how will a tattoo help you with that, huh?” he crossed his arms looking down at (y/n) with furrowed eyebrows.

“When I get mad at Mia for some reason and I want to hate her, I look at the tattoo we made together and it just brings back all the good stuff and I know everything will be okay, because at the end of the day we still love each other and that won’t change over a stupid fight.” The girl gets embarrassed as soon as she realises that she just shared something that until now was only hers, making her look down at her feet. “You probably think it’s silly and that’s okay, we won’t do it if you don’t want to.” Voice quieter than before, barely audible but Seonghwa heard her just fine.

“Okay, let’s get thigh tattoos. Together.”

(y/n)’s eyes widened at the statement, and the looks of happiness and excitement of before came back to life again, making Seonghwa laugh at how adorable his friend looked.

“Really? Thank you so much Hwa!!!” she hugged his torso so tightly that he almost went out of breath.

“I have one condition though. To make it more fun, you know?” (y/n) nodded, indicating him to proceed, “I pick a design for you and you one for me, and we can only see it after it is already tattooed on our skin. What do you say?”

“Uhhh that does sound like fun! But don’t make it too big nor too dark, please!” he nodded in agreement and they went back inside to pick the said designs.

They shared their idea with the tattoo artist, who got really excited about it and took them, one at the time, into the other room to discuss their ideas and bring them to life. (y/n) picked a woman’s body silhouette, besides looking really cool it just made sense since their friendship started as something more physical than emotional. Seonghwa on the other hand chose a minimalist alien, it reminded him of when they first met and (y/n) couldn’t pronounce his name correctly and would just call him alien face, he also asked the tattoo artist to make it face her so she wouldn’t have to look into a mirror to see it properly.

(y/n) went in first to get her right thigh tattooed, so excited that she didn’t bother to take off her clothes, simply ripping her tights in the spot she wanted the tattoo.

“Hm ok, that was hot!” Seonghwa said softly, trying to control himself avoiding looking at (y/n)’s now more exposed thigh.

“Keep it in your pants, Mr. Park.” (y/n) laughed as she laid down to finally get the tattoo her dear friend picked, getting more and more anxious as the moment approached while Luna got her supplies ready. Seonghwa then pulled a chair to sit next to her and keep her distracted so she wouldn’t try to peak.

After a while, (y/n) stopped feeling the needle puncturing her skin and looked up at Luna, eyes wondering if it was already done. The other woman nodded, and she immediately stood up to see the result, a high pitch squeak leaving her lips as soon as she saw an alien facing her.

“Hwa!! I have your face on my thigh!!” her eyes wide, looking between her leg and her friend, a huge smile on her face and eyes almost tearing up at how happy she was. “I love it, I love it, I love it!” she wrapped her arms around the boy’s neck and gave him a kiss on his left cheek, squeezing him against her and holding him there for a few seconds before pulling away. “Now it’s your turn! Go, go!”

Seonghwa got up right away and started to take his pants off, making (y/n) look away.

“Please (y/n), as if you’ve never seen me naked!” he chuckled throwing his pants at her as soon as got them completely off, catching her off guard making her laugh.

They repeated the same process, now with (y/n) seated in the chair keeping Seonghwa distracted by making terrible puns and dad jokes. The needle puncturing his skin stang a bit but, just like (y/n), he already had a few tattoos, so he got used to it quickly. When Luna finished the second tattoo of this iconic duo, as she started to call them, Seonghwa couldn’t help but laugh at (y/n)’s choice.

“This will certainly remind me of you and make me hate you a little less if it comes to that.” He chuckled making (y/n) blush a bit without him noticing. “Thank you for talking me into this, it’s a memorable night for sure.” And kissed her cheek, not as roughly as she did to him, it was a soft kiss, his lips barely touching her skin, and yet it was enough to make her even more flustered, awakening funny feelings in her tummy.

After spending all that money on the tattoos, they decided it would be best for their bank accounts to walk home instead of getting an uber, making their way across town to (y/n) and Mia’s apartment in a slow pace, most of the way made in silence for they were too tired and sleepy, needing to channel all their remain energy towards their legs to be able to walk.

As they were approaching (y/n)’s building their pace slowed down, stopping right in front of the pathway, the girl already looking for the keys in her messy bag while walking towards the front door.

“See you tomorrow (y/n)” he says as they reach the door, (y/n) with the keys in hand already opening the door, and he places a kiss on her forehead not breaking the contact right away. (y/n) didn’t say anything until he was already halfway the pathway.

“Hwa, wait.”

“Huh?” the boy turned around, standing near the sidewalk.

“Why don’t you stay for the night?” she asked almost in a whisper, but Seonghwa heard it anyway and took a few steps closer to her.

“Oh (y/n), I would but I’m really tired and-”

“Just for cuddles, Hwa…” she tried to keep her eyes in his but the vulnerability her request showed made her instinctually look down at her feet.

“Just cuddles? Are you sure?” Seonghwa couldn’t hide his amusement, since (y/n) always made it clear that to her the benefits part of their friendship should be associated with sex at all times because, according to her, getting emotional and cuddle just for the sake of cuddling would turn this into a real and serious relationship, even though the boy tried to convince her otherwise multiple times.

“Shut up and get in before I change my mind.”

They went up to the apartment as quietly as possible, making their way to (y/n)’s bedroom right away and changing into more comfortable clothing, which to Seonghwa meant underwear and nothing more.

He laid on his back wrapping an arm around (y/n)’s shoulders as she laid her head onto his chest, embracing his torso and putting one leg over his. It was comfortable, warm, and felt safe, for both of them.

“This still doesn’t mean we’re in a relationship Hwa.” (y/n) groaned falling deeply into sleep.

“We could be though.” But (y/n) didn’t hear it.

♡MASTERLIST♡

net: @ateezlovenet

[cosmicaces]

it’s. it’s something when the game you’ve sunk almost 1900 hours has one more surprise for you. i’ve replayed the prologue so many times, and, on the game’s final day, only just now have i discovered that you could interact with this poster

i may be a writer, but i’m not necessarily good with words. battleborn has had a significant impact on my life, for better and for worse. while gigantic is my special interest as well as the way i met my partner, battleborn was, well, the start, i suppose you could say.

when this game came out on may 3rd, 2016, i was in a real bad spot. my parents relationship had, well, gone south. the process of divorce began in november 2015, and my dad was using me to vent, spouting horrible, awful things to me, lies, blames, contradictions, those sorts of things. i started off 2016 feeling pretty suicidal because of it, leading into a downspiral of self-deprecation that worsened in april. see, my dad had decided to move us back into our shitty down, back on our shitty street, into a shitty house down the street that was small, cramped, and infested with centipedes. my sisters and i, we didn’t want to move, but we had no choice in the matter.

it was at the start of may, the start of going back into that school i despised that i learned about battleborn. i saw the opening cinematic on twitter, and i was in awe, starstruck. this game was a light in the darkness that had made itself so prominent, and when the game had gone on sale, where others laughed and pointed fingers i was ecstatic because that meant i could get it.

my laptop ran this game on the barest of minimum requirements, but it ran. low graphics? bad frames? it didn’t matter to me so long as i could play. i started with orendi. of the starter characters, i thought she was the most interesting, both visual and kit-wise. i played her until the renegade, where i got stuck. it’s embarrassing to admit, honestly, but because of my failures i unlocked shayne and aurox, who i immediately adored. they were witty, snappy, playful, and i loved the energy they brought. as a matter of fact, i played them throughout the rest of story. there’s a simple reason for that though: i just wanted to play mellka.

mellka stood out to me the moment i saw her in the cinematic. looking back on it now, i realize that it was the first step to me realizing that i wasn’t aromantic, but a lesbian (it wouldn’t be until 2020 that i realize that i was demiromantic as well, but nevermind that). she was really cool, to say the least, and god was she pretty! i wanted to play her immediately, but to unlock her you had to beat the heliophage on normal. this meant that i wanted to get through the story as soon as possible. the moment i completed that final mission, well, the rest was history.

i played mellka nonstop, constantly replaying the story and working on her lore challenges. i had almost finished them...until i ran into a bit of a hurdle. see, to get the last challenge, i needed to play with a ghalt. problem was...i didn’t have any friends with the game, hell, i hardly had friends at all. i was terribly shy, and the thought of having to ask strangers for help was terrifying. desperation to complete the challenge won, though, and that ask for help genuinely changed my life forever.

for the first time, i had sought out a discord server and joined a discord server, joined a place with complete strangers and battled through discomfort and fear and soon found my place, feeling comfortable and excited. i was socializing, and my energy knew no bounds. of course, being an 15-16 yr old with unrealized neurodivergency who had minimal knowledge of talking to people would later come back to bite, and now, haunt me, but social consequences had no thought in my mind at the time. i had done what i thought was impossible for me, and that did lead to a positive change. and, y’know, that energy did lead to some good things.

my memories of battleborn are very fond. some of them are tainted now, but stains can only cover so many feelings. feelings of fun, of bonding, of just...not being alone. i never realized how alone i was. as i was playing through each mission, i was just...catapulted with emotions. so many flashbacks of playing through missions, various divergencies of which characters we were, of who was there, of laughs, jokes, frustrations, all of these things. it made me want to smile. it almost made me burst into tears.

it’s not something i’ve talked about publicly, and i’ll scarcely go into detail about what happened, but...man, it’s hard to admit but it’s also because of battleborn that i’ve developed some pretty bad social trauma. it’s...hard, and weird, y’know? like...i wasn’t able to play the game for months after it happened. looking at the game just wanted to make me cry. that situation left me with...so much anger, sadness, and anxiety. hell, i still get angry about it, thinking about the way i was treated, about how i was the youngest person involved but i tried to make things right. i used to think i didn’t handle it in the right way, but i’m older now, and i can say that yeah, i did my fucking best. i think about those people, of course i still think about them. i can’t help but wonder, do they think about me too? do they have any idea how it’s permanently affected the way i grow with people? that i’m so fearful of being annoying, overstepping a boundary, of being lied to, of asking for honestly and being met with 0 response, given no chance to try and make things better? the answers clearly no. i know i’m the only one who still dwells on it, and i feel like they’d laugh at me for it. if they somehow read this, well...cool. won’t bring me any peace. please don’t ask me about it, either

its...not something that feels right to include with a post that’s essentially a memento, but...it’s important, and it did affect how i felt towards the community. i’d see people refer to the battlefam, but...i never felt apart of it anymore. i became all too aware of how my youth affected being apart of a community with adults, and it felt so...less welcoming after that. it’s a shame, really

thanks to that situation, though, i was able to grow closer with two people, my friends viv (@/brokenandazure) and ghost (ghostbones). viv really helped me come to terms with some of my emotions, and i’ll forever be grateful for that. they helped me be outgoing, helped me feel more confident in playing pvp, and is still an inspiration to me with how they can play games and just...be fine and not get frustrated.

i’ve a bit to say about ghost. so, remember how i said how that energy did lead to some good things? well, ghost is one of those good things. i met them through youtube. there had been a link shared on tumblr to their video about alani, and being the only channel who was posting about battleborn, i gave them a follow. still riding off that socialization high, i found myself commenting on all of their videos. they were enjoyable to watch! they’re funny, kind, and they say some pretty insightful stuff! honestly, seeing them upload anything new was a highlight of my day. battleborn brought us closer, and, y’know, they’re kinda like an older sibling to me. they were there for me in some REALLY rough times, and when i say rough i mean rough, and i’ll forever be grateful for that. sometimes i look at payday 2 and wonder if i should reinstall it, just to have another thing to do with them. we’re still pretty close, and we play apex together! they do have to deal with me being a complete sap towards pin though ehehe <3

speaking of pin, well...honestly, while we met through gig, it really is thanks to battleborn that i met her. battleborn helped me learn how to socialize, and it’s through socializing and wanting to find people to talk to about the same interests is how i met pin. i’m...really appreciative of that. my relationship with pin is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. if you read this, dear, i love you <3

as abrupt as it feels, this post does need to have an ending. replaying through the story felt so...nice. i went from playing it in 2016 with the lowest settings possible to playing it in 2021 with the best settings possible. i never thought id actually be able to see the game in its best form but...i did! and it was like playing it for the first time all over again. sort of. close enough. i think the best part of it was playing through the heliophage without any lag. y’know, i didn’t skip that ending cutscene this time, and, let me tell you, it hit a helluva lot different. i mean, asides from the “game is being permanently shutdown” thing, but the line “may our battle never end”. now, that’s a line that just sticks with you. for the worst thing about my final playthrough, well...it hurt, talking about the dumb shit i’d do. about breaking the map with mellka, of lore squads, of gags, and just...not being able to do anything like that again. it really hurts, but...i’ve found my peace with it. i think. well, it’ll have to do.

in the end, it is because of battleborn that i love, that i know im loved. this game really was something special, and it’s a shame that people never gave it a chance. i’m glad i did. and, in the end, it gave me one final surprise.

thank you, battleborn, for everything <3

[cassolotl]

Just submitted my response to the Trans Inquiry 2 (England and Wales)

You can see the call for evidence from the W&EC here on Twitter, and submit your evidence here. It requires a Word, ODT or RTF file to be uploaded. You can write as much or as little as you like.

The deadline is tomorrow, Friday 27th November 2020.

My response is below the cut, because it’s over 3,000 words long...! But please, be aware that you can write 20 words if you need to. You can just say “I’m trans and the reforms still don’t allow me to have a gender recognition certificate. They don’t go far enough, because the process is unnecessarily medicalised and still doesn’t accommodate nonbinary people.”

~

ABOUT ME

I am 34 years old. I live in Powys, Wales. I am nonbinary - specifically, I feel like I have no gender at all. My pronouns are singular they (they/them/their/theirs/themself, plural verbs). I learned what nonbinary was when I was 24, and immediately came out and began my transition. I have been attending the NHS gender identity clinic (GIC) in London since April 2012, about 8.5 years. Throughout that time I have presented as openly nonbinary, and have had surgeries and hormone treatments from the NHS to aid in an androgynous presentation. I have all the records and paperwork that I would need to receive a gender recognition certificate (GRC), if one were available to nonbinary people. I am openly nonbinary with everyone I see and interact with on a regular basis (social workers, support workers, landlords, friends and family, etc).

~

SUMMARY

The Government’s proposed reforms are positive but only a fraction of the changes needed to ensure trans people have equal rights and sufficient trans-specific medical care.

In particular, three additional gender clinics in the NHS are horrifically insufficient, especially for children and adolescents facing the body-horror and permanence of the wrong puberty, resulting in preventable major surgeries. Requirements for obtaining a gender recognition certificate remain excessive, demoralising and unnecessary. The financial cost currently involved is much greater than the £140 fee, making a fee reduction seem like lip service.

The gender recognition process remains needlessly and discriminatorially medicalised, unacceptably has higher standards for gender recognition than the NHS has for medical transition, and allows for stalling and abuse by spouses because UK marriage laws are needlessly gendered. It also does not account for Gillick competence in the case of legal gender recognition for children.

There is a complete lack of provision for nonbinary people, which is unacceptable, especially now that the courts have found that nonbinary people are protected under the transition characteristic of the Equality Act 2010. This means that nonbinary people are unable to marry or parent children while being authentic in their genders, and are unable to receive a correct pension.

These barriers presented to trans people mean that still only a minority of trans people will access gender recognition certificates, which results in unnecessary and preventable problems for trans people, but also for the systems that have to accommodate them in accordance with the Equality Act 2010.

~

RESPONSES TO PROMPTS

The Government’s response to the GRA consultation:

Will the Government’s proposed changes meet its aim of making the process “kinder and more straight forward”?

Yes, but only marginally.

Three new GICs: Each month the NHS makes several months’ worth of referrals to GICs. Nowhere in the UK is it possible to access a GIC within the 18-week NHS-set timeline; the average wait is 18 months, which is horrific for transgender adults, and devastating and traumatic for transgender adolescents who are forced to go through the body-horror of the wrong puberty while waiting for two appointments to be prescribed puberty blockers. [1] It follows that in order to bring this waiting list down to lawful amount of time we need to increase the number of NHS GICs not by 40% but by 400%.

Fee reduction to “nominal amount”: I have still seen no reason to delay making this process a demedicalised case of submitting a form declaring a change of legal gender, much like changing one’s name by deed poll. We are not charged to update our details with HMRC, so we need not be charged for updating our details at a General Register Office.

Placing the procedure online: This is something that should have been done decades ago, but better late than never. It is also an attempt to repair the Titanic with superglue as it sinks. The system is difficult to access for all trans people, but not because of the method of application. The problem is that we are required to apply to the gender recognition panel at all.

Should a fee for obtaining a Gender Recognition Certificate be removed or retained? 

It should be removed. It is arbitrary, and other administrative changes of a similar nature and risk level do not have fees associated.

Are there other financial burdens on applicants that could be removed or retained?

The requirement to provide medical evidence for change of gender is unnecessary and costs money. For example, living in rural West Wales means that for the 8 years I’ve been attending the London GIC I have been paying for accommodation in London, because it is not physically possible to travel to London by public transport and back in one day when attending a GIC appointment. Each trip costs me at least £80 or so out of pocket, because I have to find accommodation close to the GIC for me and a PA (I am disabled and receive direct payments). I am entitled to have my travel costs refunded by the NHS but others are not, so attending GIC appointments will cost them money even if they don’t have to stay overnight.

At the moment the wait of in some cases several years for a first appointment followed by 1.5 years waiting for the second appointment means patients being referred today will be waiting 4-5 years for their first hormone prescription or surgery referral, so a significant number of people who would like a GRC have to pay for private treatment to get the proof they need within a reasonable timeframe.

Should the requirement for a diagnosis of gender dysphoria be removed?

Yes. Legal gender need not be a medical issue. As when changing one’s name, legal gender need only be a case of signing a document with witnesses. The two reasons I’ve heard cited against demedicalising the gender recognition process are (1) fraud prevention and (2) protection of vulnerable women in single-sex spaces.

(1) We already have laws against fraud, and it is very easy and cheap to legally change one’s name in the UK. When you consider how “identifying” something like a gender is when compared to other identity metrics such as photographs, dates of birth, names, etc. (i.e. not very), it seems absurd that gender is so difficult to change. Existing fraud laws would allow for prosecution as easily if changing one’s legal gender were a matter of a statutory declaration only.

(2) We already have laws against abuse of women, women’s spaces are already protected even taking into account the Equality Act 2010, and in general the women responsible for protecting those women-only spaces currently accommodate and welcome trans women and have done for a long time. [2] Birth certificates are not required for accessing women-only spaces such as shelters, toilets and changing rooms. Other ID that might be required in a less free version of our current society, such as driver’s licences or passports, do not require a gender recognition certificate to have the gender marker changed, so demedicalising the gender recognition process has no effect on provision of necessary gender-exclusive services.

Anyone wishing to use an alternative gender presentation for fraudulent or abusive purposes does not have a more difficult time in the crimes that they are attempting to commit thanks to the Gender Recognition Act. The fact that currently only 1 in 10 transgender people have a GRC suggests that the system can currently accommodate people whose genders don’t match their birth certificates or tax records, so presumably making it much easier for people to make all of their IDs match will make no difference to fraud and abuse incidence, and may make it easier by removing discrepancies.

I would also argue that the current “gender dysphoria diagnosis —> correct ID” situation is back-to-front. Wanting ID that reflects a gender that is different from the one you were assigned at birth is evidence of gender dysphoria, and so applying for a birth certificate that shows a different gender to the one you were assigned at birth should be considered evidence of gender dysphoria for a diagnosis. It doesn’t need to go through a doctor; wanting to change the ID should be enough on its own.

Should there be changes to the requirement for individuals to have lived in their acquired gender for at least two years?

Yes. Being transgender isn’t something that comes on suddenly later in life. It is a neurodevelopmental issue, considered by some medical professionals to begin in the womb. Having to wait two more years to have that gender recognised in law seems arbitrary and unnecessary.

Most transgender people have known that their gender was different to the one they were assigned at birth for years before they begin their transition. I would say that making it very difficult to change one’s legal gender is, among other factors, something that contributes to this unfortunate tendency.

I understand that living in a new gender role for two years is considered proof of commitment to that gender role by the state. Proof of this nature is not required for other administrative matters such as change of name or title. Let’s imagine the same situation for something that might be considered harder to change because it is by its nature decided by biology: date of birth. If one’s date of birth had been entered incorrectly on a birth certificate and the individual or their parents noticed some years later, the birth certificate could be corrected with, at most, medical records showing that the baby was born on a different day. Likewise, to change a gender marker on a birth certificate should require, at most, medical records showing that the individual’s gender was assigned incorrectly at birth. This would be a copy of a letter from a doctor diagnosing gender dysphoria, which requires only 6 months of a specific type of discomfort. The legal system therefore is four times more strict about changing legal gender than the NHS is about referring for permanent gender-affirming surgery or prescribing hormones that cause permanent physical change. This is unnecessarily stringent. It could be considered discriminatory under the Equality Act 2010: trans people are less able to change incorrect records relating to their gender, in accordance with GDPR, because of the additional barriers.

If the gender recognition process was easy and cheap, and for some reason a person changed their gender marker on a whim and then wanted to change it back, it would be very easy for them to do so - but as you learned in the first Trans Inquiry some years ago, countries such as Ireland, where it is easy and cheap to change your legal gender, have not seen this happen. In general, we know that when it is easy and cheap to change your one’s legal gender, people tend to do it once and then never again.

What is your view of the statutory declaration and should any changes have been made to it?

I have no problem with the statutory declaration aspect of the gender recognition process. It seems acceptable that a change intended to be permanent should require the signing of a binding legal document, and that people who do so for fraudulent or otherwise harmful reasons be subject to criminal proceedings.

I am opposed to a spouse’s consent being required for married/civil-partnered people, as it gives another person unnecessary and potentially harmful control over their spouse’s transition.

Does the spousal consent provision in the Act need reforming? If so, how? If it needs reforming or removal, is anything else needed to protect any rights of the spouse or civil partner?

I understand that when one person in a marriage is changing their gender that changes the legal status of the marriage from a different-gender marriage to a same-gender marriage, or vice versa, and I agree that a spouse must consent to that change as an equal participant.

In order to resolve this issue, I would suggest making marriage law gender-neutral. There is no reason to have a same-gender marriage be any different than a different-gender marriage in law. It need not be “men can marry women, men can marry men, women can marry men, women can marry women” - it can simply be that an adult can marry another adult. That way, if one of the spouses changes their gender, the marriage is unchanged.

This would also prepare marriage law for legal recognition of nonbinary genders.

Should the age limit at which people can apply for a Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC) be lowered?

I am not aware of any reason why it would not be appropriate. In the UK, the NHS has a policy of assuming that children are capable of understanding and consenting (or not consenting) to medical treatment. It should be assumed that a child can also consent (or not) to having the gender marker on their birth certificate changed.

What impact will these proposed changes have on those people applying for a Gender Recognition Certificate, and on trans people more generally?

Moving the process online will allow people to apply electronically, which would likely have a positive impact on the environment due to being less CO2-intensive. It may also make the process faster, which would be positive.

Making the process cheaper will allow poorer people to apply for a GRC, which is positive.

The NHS providing 3 more GICs will allow some patients to travel a shorter distance to access care, which is positive.

However, I don’t think these changes will have a significant impact on the most serious issues affecting transgender people. I consider these to be: excessive waiting times for transition-related treatments, difficulty of access to change of legal gender, the demoralising and humiliating nature of the gender recognition process, and the complete lack of legal recognition of nonbinary genders in UK law.

What else should the Government have included in its proposals, if anything?

Legal recognition of nonbinary genders (including availability of gender recognition certificates and X gender markers on state-issued ID), legal gender recognition by statutory declaration, 400% increase in the number of gender identity clinics in the UK, and no cost for GRC application.

Does the Scottish Government’s proposed Bill offer a more suitable alternative to reforming the Gender Recognition Act 2004?

Yes.

Living in the “new” gender role is required for only 6 months, in line with diagnosis of gender dysphoria. A diagnosis of gender dysphoria is not required, as living in the “new” gender role would suggest that the person has gender dysphoria to the extent that they wish to live in the “new” role and the official diagnosis would be superfluous. A statutory declaration is required, which seems acceptable. All of this seems positive to me.

Requiring applicants to wait for three months to consider their application seems unnecessarily patronising and patriarchal, but the proposed Scottish Bill is still much more fit for purpose than the current and proposed England-and-Wales model.

~

Wider issues concerning transgender equality and current legislation:

Why is the number of people applying for GRCs so low compared to the number of people identifying as transgender?

I am not sure. I imagine there are several complex and intersecting reasons.

I think cost is probably an issue. I think that the amount and type of evidence currently required by the gender recognition panel is not very easy to obtain, and the applicant is unable to sit before the panel in person with or without a legal representative, and so there is a high risk that applicants will not meet the panel’s obscure criteria or be able to persuade them or answer their concerns/questions in person. If the application fails the money is lost, and the (significant) effort involved in application is wasted. The latter is offputting for everyone who might consider applying, and the former is a bonus barrier for poorer people.

I would speculate that it might also be because because living as a different gender than the one you were assigned at birth and getting medical treatment are easier and more medically urgent than changing one’s birth certificate, especially when compared to the frequency with which one has to show one’s birth certificate (and therefore “out” oneself, if one does not already have a GRC).

I think there is a tendency for people to think, “well, how often do I have to show my birth certificate or my tax records to people I have direct contact with? And how often are they going to be indiscreet and transphobic about it? Hardly ever, right?” But by the time they find out that transphobic people do exist and do make an issue about it, or by the time they have to show their birth certificate to someone they’d rather not come out to, it is too late and they are not able to apply for a GRC and get their records updated in time. Not having a GRC is therefore always a problem in the past, which removes urgency.

By comparison, gender dysphoria is a chronic and acute daily psychological discomfort, which is much harder to ignore.

Are there challenges in the way the Gender Recognition Act 2004 and the Equality Act 2010 interact? For example, in terms of the different language and terminology used across both pieces of legislation.

I understand that the Equality Act 2010 has now been tested in court by a nonbinary person in an employment tribunal and found to protect nonbinary people under the characteristic of gender transition “beyond any doubt”. The Gender Recognition Act doesn’t accommodate or provide for nonbinary people, and is therefore in breach of the Equality Act 2010. [3]

Are the provisions in the Equality Act for the provision of single-sex and separate-sex spaces and facilities in some circumstances clear and useable for service providers and service users? If not, is reform or further guidance needed?

I think the guidance for the Equality Act should explicitly state that nonbinary people are protected under the characteristic of gender transition. I do not feel that I am knowledgeable enough to comment on any other issues.

Does the Equality Act adequately protect trans people? If not, what reforms, if any, are needed

Now that the Equality Act 2010 has been shown in court to protect nonbinary people under the protected characteristic of gender transition I have no complaints.

What issues do trans people have in accessing support services, including health and social care services, domestic violence and sexual violence services?

A lot of trans people just don’t report hate crimes to the police because the police often don’t do anything about it. [4]

Because trans people face extra barriers in matters such as housing, employment, and primary and secondary medical care, they need additional support from e.g. Social Services. This means they have the barrier of having to ask for more than other people do, and for that request to be considered by individuals in the system who may also be transphobic, before being granted.

There was a women’s shelter in a city I used to live in, which said on a sign at the door “no men allowed!”, but then on their website it said “women only”. I emailed to ask for clarification, because I am nonbinary and it was unclear whether I would be allowed on the premises. They said that if I identified as a woman I was welcome to enter. As I don’t identify as a woman I didn’t enter. I would presumably also be barred from entering a shelter for abused men. The difficulty for nonbinary people is that there are no provisions for us whatsoever, whether provided or funded by the government/local authorities or otherwise.

Are legal reforms needed to better support the rights of gender-fluid and non-binary people? If so, how?

Yes. We need to be explicitly written into laws and guidance relating to the following:

- Marriage

- Passports

- Driving licenses

- Adoption

- Sexual violence (as victims and as perpetrators, in matters such as disclosure of transgender identity and medical history, definition of rape, etc.)

- Birth certificates (as parents, e.g. language relating to mother/father, birth parent)

- Pensions

- Hate crime

- Provision of public services and facilities (public toilets, changing rooms)

- Any law that has gender-specific statements or provisions

… and probably more.

~

[1] https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2020/08/13/nhs-trans-patients-laurels-gender-identity-clinic-south-west-waiting-list-yeovil-pride/

[2] https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2018/08/03/domestic-violence-shelters-transgender-no-impact-on-services/

[3] https://www.jdsupra.com/legalnews/gender-is-a-spectrum-landmark-uk-ruling-61650/

[4] Not a reputable third-party source, but a well-described and typical anecdotal example. https://twitter.com/JayHulmePoet/status/1328995596670267392 “Once I reported a hate crime to the police. They dropped the case without telling me, and then when a hate crime advocate called them out on it they took no action AND blamed it on me being open about being trans. I've not reported a hate crime since. The irony of the police telling me not to tell people that I'm trans so I [don’t] get hate crimed (again, not how hate crime law works) is that there's precedent for trans people to be charged with sexual offences if they have sex with someone without disclosing that we're trans.”

[carriejonesbooks]

So, I have to go to Book Expo America at the end of this week. If you are not some official publishing person you’re probably like, “What is Book Expo America?” It’s this big huge massive (insert another large-sounding adjective here) industry thing where there are:

1. Publishers 2. Authors 3. Book sellers 4. Publicists

And almost all of them are well dressed.

There is the issue! I am from Maine…. Okay, I live in Northern Maine. How northern? When people from Glamour Magazine came up here to do a photo shoot with Megan Kelley Hall and myself (for our Dear Bully anthology) they made us DRESS IN LL BEAN CLOTHES!!!!!

Yes, even Glamour knew that it is not glamorous up here.

Sigh.

Megan still looked good. Me? The hair stylist/make-up person kept complaining about my hair, and how my nose turned red in the cold, and I felt so badly for her because she was used to super models or My Little Pony (really – she was the stylist for My Little Pony) and then she got stuck with me.

Anyway, I was thinking about BEA and authors who are always beautiful and poised and funny and lovely. And I have decided I need to somehow magically channel these authors at BEA so I don’t look like a hick from Maine or like, you know, I’ve never actually interacted with other actual human beings before.

But pretty much everything in my wardrobe has paint stains on it, holes, or long white dog fur.

She always blames me. There are lint rollers out there for a reason. Geesh.

I basically come across as either an eccentric old-money professor or homeless.

You may think I have no reason to be panicky, but I’m going to repost what happened to me the last time I went to BEA, and maybe you’ll understand.

ONCE AGAIN FOR THOSE WHO MISSED IT BEFORE – HERE IS THE HORRIBLE INCIDENT OF ME AT BEA LAST TIME (Taken from the original blog post of horror): So, yep, I had my skirt fall off (YES! PAST MY KNEES!) when I got out of the taxi today!  Oh, Britney…oh Lindsey…oh Paris… I so feel your pain. Fortunately, there were no paparrazzi, just my cab driver (His eyes got really big) and a father with his eight-year-old son (WHO WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!). They were standing right there, waiting for the taxi. The little boy gasped! GASPED!!!! I have marred him for life.

I then realized I should not be let out of Maine.

So I started yanking my skirt up with my hand while trying to: a. Pay taxi driver guy b. not die c. juggle three massive bags full of ARCS d. not worry about that little boy’s therapy bills.

It was then that I realized that hotel security cameras probably totally caught the skirt fall action.

I thanked God (and pretty much every potential deity in existence) that I am not famous and therefore not worthy enough to have the skirt DISASTER image blasted all over the internet.

I then hid in the hotel room, vowing never to come out again.

So, yeah. I don’t want that to happen again.

If you would like to see me in unsuitable clothes, check out the Lerner Booth on Friday, June 1 from 11:30 to noon.  I’ll be there with a spy who was also a catcher. 🙂

  WRITING NEWS

Yep, it’s the part of the blog where I talk about my books and projects because I am a writer for a living, which means I need people to review and buy my books or at least spread the word about them.

I’m super good at public image and marketing for nonprofits but I have a much harder time with marketing myself.

So, please buy one of my books. 🙂 The links about them are all up there in the header on top of the page on my website carriejonesbooks.blog .  There are young adult series, middle grade fantasy series, stand-alones for young adults and even picture book biographies.

Time Stoppers

Flying

Moe Berg

Write! Submit! Support! Begins Again in July!

“It’s not easy to create a thriving writing career in the children’s industry, but what if you didn’t have to do it alone? Write. Submit. Support is a six-month program designed by author and Writing Barn Founder Bethany Hegedus. Classes are led by top creatives in the children’s industry field; they’ll give you the tips and tools you need to take both your manuscripts and your developing career to the next level. Think of it as an MFA in craft with a certificate in discovering (or recovering) your writer joy! – Writing Barn “

And more about the class I specifically teach? It is right here.

Here is what current students are saying:

Carrie is all strengths. Seriously. She’s compassionate, funny, zesty, zany, insightful, honest, nurturing, sharp, and…Wow, that’s a lot of adjectives. But really, I couldn’t praise Carrie enough as a mentor. I’ve long respected her writing, but being talented at something doesn’t automatically mean you will be a great mentor. Carrie just happens to be one of those rare cases of extreme talent and excellent coaching. Aside from the specific feedback she offers, she also writes letters in response to the process letter and analyses. These letters have been so impactful for me as I writer that I plan to print them and hang them up. Creepy? Maybe. But they are so inspiring. And that, in the most long-winded way possible, is how I would summarize Carrie as a mentor—inspiring.

Dogs Are Smarter Than People

And finally, the podcast DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE is still chugging along. Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of.

Look, Mom! It’s a podcast.

Book Expo America is Coming and I have Nothing to Wear So, I have to go to Book Expo America at the end of this week. If you are not some official publishing person you’re probably like, “What is Book Expo America?” It’s this big huge massive (insert another large-sounding adjective here) industry thing where there are:

[friendliest-place-on-earth]

Sprace Domestic Series (pt. 8)

(Part 1)

(Part 2)

(Part 3)

(Part 4)

(Part 5)

(Part 6)

(Part 7)

(AO3)

Well here we are, the last chapter of my Sprace Domestic series, and just in time too since school is just starting up. I’ll still be writing (I’ve already got some Javid oneshot ideas) but it might just be less frequent. That said, next time I do a series it will have an upload schedule. Thank you all so much for reading and commenting, it really means a lot! Anyways, let’s get this show on the road.

Side note: The movie “Storks” is referenced in this chapter and I highly recommend that you watch it because it’s really great.

Also, I don’t really know that much about the adoption process but I did some light research to help me out.

Be sure to keep your eyes peeled for some characters from other musicals...

As Spot and Race lay awake 2 am, three years after they’d gotten married, they await an eventful morning. They tried to get to sleep at around eleven but it seemed as though a mixture of excitement and anxiety had got the better of them.

“Hey Spot?” Race rolled over to face his husband.

“What?” Spot asked from underneath a pillow.

“What do you think she’s gonna look like?” he asked excitedly, bunching up the blanket in his fist.

“I”m sure she’ll be beautiful and the best daughter in the world.” Spot replied honestly, putting his head on top of the pillow. It had been a few weeks after they had received the call they had long anticipated, and the next day Spot and Race would be adding a baby girl to their little family. Race was busy imagining what she would look like and what she would be like as she grew up but was interrupted by a small sniffle.

“Hey what’s wrong?” Race asked as he pulled Spot in closer to him. He hugged Spot so that he faced away from him, allowing his husband to talk without being muffled by his shirt.

“H-how am I supposed to be a father?” he whispered.

“Is that what you’re worried about? Sean, there’s no reason for you to be afraid, you’re the most amazing person I know and you’re going to be a great dad. You take care of me and our friends when they need you and we’re all still alive.” Race said in an attempt to comfort him.

“Yeah but at the end of the day, they’re adults who can still take care of themselves and this is a baby.”

“Well we’ve done everything possible to prepare for this, we’ve read all the books and taken all the classes, even the guy who did our home study was impressed.” he placed a kiss to Spot’s temple.

“I guess you’re right, it’s just hard not to be worried about this stuff.” Spot sighed.

“Don’t I know it. I’m scared too but I just keep remembering that we’re going to be getting our daughter soon and that everything is gonna turn out okay.” as Race finished his mini pep talk, he wrapped his husband up in a blanket and scooped him into his arms. “What’re you doing?!” Spot struggled, but to no avail.

“We’re going downstairs and we’re gonna watch Storks.” Race said with finality, so Spot decided to comply and it wasn’t like it was a bad movie anyways. Thing is, they’d watched it every day for the past month and a half if only for the end scene. Spot was plopped onto the couch and Race put the movie in. The shorter man unfurled his blanket to allow the other to cozy up next to him underneath it.

“This movie is kinda stupid…” Spot mumbled from underneath the blankets.

“Spot how could you!” Race fake gasped, turning away.

“I still love you though!” Spot place a quick kiss on his husband’s cheek. Race turned back around to grab his face gently and place a kiss to his lips with his hands positioned in a way that Spot could feel the wedding ring on his cheek.

“I love you too ya dumbass.” Spot settled into Race’s side as the taller man wrapped an arm around him. They continued to watch the grand adventure that the two main characters, a stork and human, went on and they soon arrived at the final scene. It was of a bunch of couples holding their new children, and of course they paused on the two moms and two dads. “Spot are you crying again?” Race brushed the hair out Spot’s face to reveal that yes, he was indeed crying. “I just never thought I would see something like this in a movie.” He pressed his face into Race’s chest and held him tightly. They had received a lot of backlash from people ever since they had said they were adopting a baby. A lot saying that their child won’t grow up “normal” because she needs a mom or saying “she won’t know family values”. Of course the two tried to not let it get to them, but sometimes it was a lot and it’s hard not to give into it.

“Well look there it is, telling people across the world that what this is,” Race gestured between the TV and themselves.

“is normal. It’s a family Spot, and that’s what we have.” he smiled, kissing the top of his husband’s head.

“I just never thought that I would have been able to have a real family with anyone…” he whispered. Race pulled Spot onto his lap and pressed a kiss to his jaw.

“Look at you now Spotty, a house, a dashingly handsome husband, kids.” Race laughed, tickling Spot’s sides.

“The whole deal.” Spot placed his lips on Race’s, then rested his head on his shoulder. They eventually slumped over on the couch and before they knew it they were asleep.

Race was the first to wake up, hearing the sound of their alarm clock from upstairs.

“Wake up babe.” he whispered groggily, shaking his husband awake.

“Wh- is it today?” Spot asked, regaining consciousness.

“Today’s the day!” Race hopped off the couch and went straight for the coffee pot. [Tbh it’s the only thing he can go straight for]

“So we’re leaving at…”

“10 o’clock.” the taller man finished.

“Alright.” Spot breathed.

“Hey don’t worry, today’s supposed to be a happy day remember!” he beamed brightly, handing Spot a mug. They busied themselves throughout the rest of the morning and soon enough, it was time to head to the adoption agency to take home their baby girl.

“I love you.” Spot said from the passenger seat.

“I love you too.” Race replied. They sat in silence for most of the ride, mainly because they were thinking too much for words to be of any use.

“Almost there.” whispered the driver. In a few short minutes, they were pulling into the parking lot of the building that had their daughter in there, somewhere. Once the car was parked, they immediately jumped out and practically ran towards the building. Spot grabbed Race’s hand in an effort to ground himself.

“Hi there, I’m Sean Conlon-Higgins and this is my husband Anthony and we’re supposed to be bringing home our daughter today.” Spot said to the lady at the desk.

“Wow, what an exciting day! I’m Miss McNamara and you’re just gonna have to give me two forms of ID for the both of you.” she smiled stiffly, which was probably a side effect of working long hours at this kind of job. Once it had been verified that they were in fact who they’d said they were, one of the people from the agency Spot and Race had been working with came up to greet them.

“Hello Eliza!” Race waved cheerfully.

“Good morning gentlemen, we’re getting her ready right now. If you’ll follow me, I’m just going to bring you to one of our rooms where you can meet her in more of a private setting.” she motioned for them to follow her, and the three of them walked briskly down the hallway. They went into a room with a few chairs and a small wooden table against the wall.

“Now, it will take a few weeks to finalize the adoption, but it’ll hardly seem that long compared to all the time you’re going to be spending together afterwards.” she smiled kindly. A few minutes after their arrival, they were joined by a woman holding a baby in a car seat.

“This is one of our nurses, Miss Zoe”

“N-nice to meet you…” was all that Spot managed to squeak out.

“I’ll set her on the table here and you guys can get acquainted.” she smiled warmly, gently setting her down.

“Just call if you need me but don’t worry, she’s healthy.” Miss Zoe exited the room, leaving the new family behind.

“She’s so precious…” Race whispered, lifting her tiny swaddled form out of the car seat. A pair of big green eyes looked back up at him, and her new father’s own started to well up.

“Hi there.” he said softly.

“I’ll let you guys be alone for a moment and I’ll be right outside.” Eliza quickly ducked out of the room and went into the hall.

“I’m your new dad.” he sniffed, letting the feeling of complete joy wash over him. Race held her close to his chest as she continued to look into his eyes, almost as if she was analyzing him.

“Sean, do you wanna hold her?” he looked over to his husband, who had a few tears going down his face.

“Yes please.” he opened his arms, taking the small child- his small child- into them.

“You can call me Papa, sweetheart.” he smiled down at her, being met with a small smile in return.

“Hey Anthony look! She’s smilin’ at me!” he said excitedly, keeping his voice down so he wouldn’t upset his new daughter.

“I can already tell she’s real smart.” Race said thoughtfully.

“Her face is so tiny!” Spot remarked, studying her features.

“Did you know how rare it is to have green eyes?” “Look how long her eyelashes are!”

“She’s got the chubbiest cheeks!”

“And the prettiest smile!” Spot and Race continued to fawn over the newest addition to the family.

“She’s absolutely perfect.” Spot said, his eyes welling up again. It was a very emotional day.

“She is.” Race agreed.

“I hate to cut this short, but I think you guys should take her home and get a routine going. You already know the dates for the post placement visits, it’s really nothing to worry about because if what I heard from behind that door is any indication, she’s in good hands.” she smiled and they packed their baby girl back into her car seat, ready to finally take her home.

“May I ask, what are you going to name her?” Eliza asked as they were leaving. Spot and Race looked at each other before giving an answer.

“Chloe.”

[jackmonkeygames]

https://ift.tt/2XfK7bC https://ift.tt/2ScDBPb

It seems that everyone is starting their own actual play podcast. There is all kinds of good reasons to do so. I can go on about the benefits forever but this blog post will be focused on making the podcast in the first place. I will also point out some critical mistakes that I have made while making the podcast in hopes that you can avoid them. Though this will also cover podcasting a while there is a focus onHow to start an RPG Podcast

Have a concept its OK if others are doing it

The Place

The Right equipment (And Software)

Hosting Services

The editing

When should you publish

Pitfalls (What to avoid )

How to make a RPG Podcast

The Concept for making a great Actual Play Podcast

As a gamemaster, we always have ideas for campaigns. Then our players seem to take them in unexpected directions. Because of this you could actually run the same adventure as someone else and have it totally different results. The focus will be on the players and their unique view on the game you have presented.

For Star-Fall Actual Play Podcast I have a major plot line and a whole bunch of sub plots. set for each season. I recommend that you do the same. Sure you can run the game on the fly but you will want a basic framework. you may notice that running a RPG Game for home is very different to running a game for a podcast

As for cast members I recomend anyone who is outgoing. They do not need to be expert Dungeons and Dragons players (Perhaps it’s better if they are not less editing out the arguments over the proper way to cast magic missle) The Fifth Crew only half the players have ever played a RPG before our first recording session.

Listening to Star-Fall

The Place where to record your podcast

One of the things that I have noticed is that its really hard to record in any place that is not totally quiet. So forget Pubs , Bars , Restaurants. Other factors is that some rooms echo a lot. It’s a good idea to test the space before you start recording. More than once I have been too eager to start recording to find the room echoed so bad that I was unable to use the recording. It is also important to make sure the softer voices are closer to the mic. (We have that problem in our show)

The ideal place would be with a lot of irregular surfaces (Curtains we love curtains) for more information on how to set up a recording space in your living room. How to start an RPG Podcast The good thing about Game rooms is there is a lot of bookshelves with odd shaped objects like Warhammer minnies that are great to get a nice sound.

The Right equipment for recording an RPG Podcast

There are all kinds of articles on what to buy. But they are trying to sell you something. when writing How to start an RPG Podcast we have a total budget of $20 a month.. TOTAL! So before you start going out to buy a whole lot of equipment know that the first season of Star-Fall was recorded on my Samsung S7 and cheap microphone. Yes, we do not sound amazing but we feel its more important to publish something that needs work then to never publish at all. Then find out if this is something you want to do while you start to save for the expensive microphones. I would hate for you to buy thousands of dollars of expensive sound equipment to publish three episodes then find out you hate podcasting.

The Software

What I lack in hardware I have an abundance of Software. Being that I used to work at Apple teaching the creative apps I was able to obtain the some software dirt cheep. (No I can’t send you a copy). Though even now I’m using a lot of free software.

Ubuntu Studio (Cost: FREE)

Ubuntu studio is perfect for the budget RPG Podcaster. Not only is it free but will run on most of the older laptops people are using today. it comes packed with all kinds of audio software to help with the RPG podcast. Do you not need to be a Linux expert to use it but it does help.

I’m suggesting Linux because I’m currently writing this blog on a $300 Laptop that is about four years old. Linux makes this thing faster then it ever was with windows. So basicly a cheep computer that will get the job done. https://ubuntustudio.org/

Audacity (Cost: Free)

This editing software is fantastic and simple to use. There is a reason why podcasters have been using this for years. What i like best about it is that when you remove a “Ummm” from your clip everything behind that point that you cut out snaps to the left.  (IF you have ever done any editing this is a time saver) I also find the noise reduction, Compression, & Normalizing feature to be very good especially for a free software

The one thing that you need to work on is that you cannot publish to MP3 without manualiy installing a plugin. (They do that to avoid copyright issues) Don’t worry there is instuctions

Audactiy Runs on Windows , Mac , and Linux

Audactiy https://www.audacityteam.org/

Hosting services

Here is where it starts to cost you money. We have been lucky to have Patreon backers help with this cost. You need to find a hosting company that specialises in podcasts. The reason for this is that it will save you HOURS of work otherwise. Getting everything coded into an RSS feed for a podcast is hard work (I used to hand code my RSS feeds in the early days of podcasting and I DO NOT MISS DOING THAT)

Also, Podcasting services like Libsyn do not charge you for bandwidth. This is very good if you get popular for some reason. They also give you a blog. I hightlyrecomend doing some blogging about your podcast.

Editing your RPG Podcast

My Biggest tip for learning know how to edit is do it when it does not matter. I know its tempting to record a session and go straight to work editing. But if you do it that way you are going to stress your self out trying to figure it out. It’s better to record a game that you are not going to publish so you can edit it without worrying about messing it up. (Trust me I have been teaching adults computers for 10 years) You will learn more in five min of playing with something you don’t care about than two hours on a clip that needs to be published tomorrow. Get to know Noise Reduction, Normalize & Compressor

Removing the dead space during the show

There is always a little bits of quiet duing the conversation. Or parts where everyone is waiting for the wizard’s action who happens to be in the bathroom to come back. These points nobody wants to hear these so cut them out. Our rule of editing. “If it does not add to the story cut it out ”

Side topics

Remember the last time your RPG game table stayed on topic the entire game? Me neither! These moments are very fun during the game and I can say that it can really bond a game group together, however. It is something that nobody else wants to hear. I would say that most of my time is spent cutting out this sort of chatter during the game.

The Dreaded ummmmm!

You are going to get really good ad editing out “Ummms” out of your Actual Play Podcast. It happens a lot. The cool thing about this is that its easy to do and it makes you sound like you have spend a lot of time public speaking.

New To Star-Fall?

Go back to the first episode to see what you are missing.

Star from Episode One!

The Pitfalls of recording an actual play pocast

What is a blog post on How to start an RPG Podcast without warnings? there are a few pitfalls you need to be aware of if you are going to start publishing your RPG podcast. Here are a few that I have discovered .

COPYRIGHT don’t be a dick!

Respect other peoples copyright. ok ok you don’t beleave me or feel you can do what you want. That is ok because there is a Lawyer who needs to upgrade their computer and could use some extra cash they will be contacting you shortly. I’m lucky that I’m married to an International Copyright lawyer. Though because I’m not a Lawyer this should not be taken as advice just “Get a real lawyer if you need help” This is just a blog post How to start an RPG Podcast

Avoid Logos of other companies. I don’t care how much you love Dungeons and Dragons or Monte Cook Games. The moment you put their trademarked logo on your website without their written permission, you will get the scariest letter you have ever seen in the mail from their lawyers. TO be clear this is not because they are evil its because they have to do so in order to protect themselves. So if you do get a scary letter from a lawyer don’t blame the company they are just doing what they need to do.

Do not read the rules out on your podcast word for word. I know this sort of thing comes up all the time in a game where you need to know exactly how a spell is used or how to grapple. If you do this you are going to make someone very angry. Edit that part out of your show. ITs ok to use your own words on the rules but word for word is a bad idea.

Do not use other peoples artwork! I know you have a character who just happens to look like Deadpool. Do not use the artwork in your show! Do not take images from other websites. Do not use the images in your books. (Comic book characters can fall under Trademark and Copyright so don’t use the artwork even if you drew it yourself )

Artists work very hard and we often do not get paid enough when we do get a gig. So don’t add salt to the wound by taking someone else’s artwork. Do everyone a favor and pay the artist to make something for you. I would also like to mention I’m married to a Lawyer who very protective of my artwork so don’t steal it .

If you need artwork you can hire an artist like myself.

Music.. only use public domain or music that was created for your show. Remember what I said about the game companies and their logos. How they are not evil? The Music copanies are the definition of Lawful Evil. Entire law firms are dedicated to finding people who have violated music copyright laws on their podcast so they can take your money (and lots of it)

I know many gamemasters who like to have music playing in the background. This is a bad idea for two reasons. One the copyright. Two if its playing in the background it will make your edits sound odd. IF you are going to use public domain music then add it in post edit. It will sound better.

Record all your shows before you publish the first one. I know it sounds daunting but it’s better to do that and then edit then to always be behind on publishing your episodes. That and we found that we had issues with scheduling a game night

Dice are loud on the table !!! If you have your mic on the same table as the dice it sounds like thunder to some mics. This may not be an issue but its something to be aware of. having everyone roll on their books putting the mic on a boom or somethign soft can help

Do not give up! You are not going to get famous by doing this anytime soon. It’s going to take a lot of work. Keep going. Your audiance will find you,

Each episode of Star-Fall Actual Play Podcast takes about 3 hours of editing. So expect to be spending a lot of time editing. If you can find a way to have some of your cast embers help do that

The Gamemaster should be closest to the Mic. We had one session that was a total nightmare to edit. As the GM I was the furthest away from the mic and nobody but the players could hear me. The sound quality was total crap and we had to scrap the episode. If you only have one mic it should be closest to the gamemaster. I do recommend more than one mic.

Battle is boring characters eating in the pub is fun … to listeners. The problem with fights in Rpg Podcasts is that its fun for the players but boring to the listeners. Try to focus on the characters more than the battle. Sure have battles now and then but try to keep them short or edit the shit out of them.

I hope this was helpful in How to start an RPG Podcast

Episode 14: Zapperburger Roleplaying in fast food

January 8, 2019

In “Episodes”

RPG Actual Play Podcasts for 2019

January 6, 2019

In “RPG Podcasts”

Star-Fall Season Two Episode Four Something is Hungry

March 17, 2019

In “Episodes”

The post How to start a RPG Actual Play Podcast appeared first on Star-Fall RPG podcast.

[plogan721]

Clean Up, Clean Up, it’s time to Clean Up the Blog Space

No, I have lost my mind, nor this is not the new adventures of The Wonder Pets (parents, you know who I am talking about).  This is an update on how I am progressing into the world of organizing my Social Media and blogs. This is also a Motivational Monday, which may turn into a Tip Tuesday depending on when I upload this post.

Side note: Ok, this aunt realized that “Clean up, clean up” did not come from The Wonder Pets, it came from my childhood memory of my preschool teacher urging us to clean up our toys, sorry.

Well, I am cleaning up my toys in a sense.  I finally got the go-ahead to switch my blogs and business handmade website to SiteGround.  I will explain to you in a later post on how to get your own website with Siteground at a later time.  So far, I like what I see, and around March 31, you will see a brand new My Ambiance Life, At Home with Tricia's Baskets, and P. Lynne Designs blog and website in much cleaner light.  They are going to be lighter (white background on all of them).  I love all the websites and blogs I visit with clean, uncluttered backgrounds, and it seems to be the trend that is continuing well into 2019 and 2020. 

To give an example on what I do not like:  My blog, At Home with Tricia's Baskets, has this brown background, which was great for the 1990s and 2000s, and maybe even 2010-2012, but starting 2013, everyone was leaning towards not having any background images.  Having a background image makes the blog and websites look cluttered, dated, unorganized, and hard to read, especially since

An example of a clean-looking Blog (Story of Five Blog)

there are a lot of seniors who are turning older, and their eyesight is not what they used to be.  With that comes background colors with little to no color in them.  In other words, a white background with little to no color in it.  In your foreground, your fonts need to represent manuscript writing.  Save the fancy stuff for invitations, cards, and other things of that nature.  I am going, to be honest, to tell you that it is harder to read script writing than manuscript writing.  Ask any 7-year-old.  In fact, they do not teach cursive writing in schools now.  So, this blog is the first to get an upgrade to Siteground.  I have not decided which of my domain names I am going to choose for this site.  It might be the one I registered or a subdomain.

Speaking of Domains…

I am having a hard time with my plynnedesigns.com domain name.  I do not know if Google is still banning it to show up or what.  Not to get into why I am changing it to plynndesigns, but Google thought the old one was phishing.  Someone back in September had hacked into my account website and killed the whole mood for me using that domain name again after I removed the affected file.  I have been fighting with Google for a whole month to prove that I am the owner of the domain name and to let me use it.  I gave up last week, and now I am using the new one for the website and blog.

Some takeaways from this:

When creating your website, either on SiteGround, GoDaddy, Wix, Weebly, or some other website, make sure you are covered.  This includes being able to create as many websites on your account with a plan you can afford.  I use the “Growing Up” plan from Siteground.  At the time of this writing (February 25, 2019), the Growing up plan is $5.95 a month. 

Also, make sure that your domain name is available.  I was lucky that the new name (plynndesigns) was available.  The current domain name for it plynnedesigns was available when I created that domain name as well when I got it in 2016. The name I wanted as well was PLDesigns, but it would cost me a pretty penny ($4,800) to have, which is another thing.  I looked it up, and anything with the word “design” in it is considered high-end, but I am confused because both domain names also have the word design in them, but they cost me $2.99. Make sure you can afford the domain name price.  All 4 (those two, plus PLDMDN and patriciallogan were $2.99 each).  You can renew them once a year, but if you know you will have them for a long time and can afford it, renew at some point for 10 years.  So, far, I have only been able to renew the domain names annually.

Make sure you protect your websites and blogs.  I protect my websites for $19.95 a month through Siteground.  I learned my lesson from Hostgator, who I no longer recommend as a hosting site.  I also do not recommend Blogger, unless your website and blogs are very simple.  More on Blogger at a later time.

SSL certificates are FREE.  Unless you are doing something complicated, Use the site’s free SSL certificates.  What is an SSL and why do you need it?  Think of it as an added layer to id your site or blog.  In other words, it authenticates it.  Google is cracking down on sites who do not have the https:// on it (most sites still use HTTP:// which is supposed to be not secure).  There are more advance SSL certificates, but they cost more and are not really needed for blogs.

As I always say, plan out your website or blog.  Know what topics you want to talk about, the categories you have those topics under, the color scheme, theme, and do not forget to name your site.  You can read about how I came up with my names in another series I am developing about blogging.

One thing I do want to say about these tips is do not worry about it if blogging and creating a website is not something that you want to do.  You can hire someone to do it, but it will cost you more money, instead, check out this next item, challenge yourself to something greater.

I am bored…

This phrase is not only for children who have nothing to do but adults as well.  We all get that way from time to time.  Boredom comes to the best of us and it sometimes brings out the worst in us.  Think about it, have you sometimes thought about these types of scenarios and said to yourself, “hmm, they must be bored”:

Hackers or ID thieves.

Children throwing flour all over the house or getting into mommy’s cosmetics or dad’s shaving cream.

The police issuing out a bunch of tickets

Full Moon

All of these sound good.  I mean, yes, people who hack on the computer to get into someone’s bank account (It happened to me this past weekend) could have been bored or need a job.  Same with the children, but the police?  Humm, maybe some of you have been pushing the snooze button way too many times.  I can always blame the full moon theory, especially on hackers and children, or as my grandmother used to say, “the Devil got to them”.  Either way, the true culprit is B.O.R.E.D.O.M.

So, how can I combat Boredom?

Boredom does not mean that you are sitting around the house doing nothing.  Boredom means you are sitting around doing nothing in your business, your home, as a parent, and even in your church. Boredom can even be in your food choices, your clothing choices, even your vacation choices.  So, how to get rid of it?  Simple, challenge yourself. 

How do I challenge myself?

For business and work:  look at your current skills.  See what you can improve on in terms of weaknesses.  If you cannot see it, ask a supervisor or a trusted co-worker a critique on your skills.  This should be part of your talk with your supervisor during your annual review.  If you own a business, as yourself what is the one thing you wish your company could do for a customer or client.

At home-organizing. what is the one area in the home that could use a little sprucing up within your budget?  This is not the time to do a major renovation to this area.  If this is what you are aiming for, it is fine, but take baby steps.

Self-improvement:  everyone can use a little self-improvement every now and then, but, how challenging is it?  One thing is once you stop learning, you are dead.  If you can afford it, go back to school or take a class online on a site like Lydia.com.  if you hate classes or cannot afford to go back, read a book or if there is something you want to do, search for it on Google or Bing or watch a skill on YouTube.

For an example, when I was getting my bachelor’s degree in Marketing from the school I graduated from in 2003, I was not interested in graphic design or writing at all.  Now, I find myself on an impasse of sorts.  When I started my blog, MDN Creates (now P. Lynne Designs), I knew I needed photos, but I did not have photos nor the skills to edit them.  I am old school.  My parents taught me that you take pictures on 35mm film, take them to the store to get them sent away, get them back in a few weeks, and display them in a photo album.  The camera on my mobile phone was new and foreign to me.  I taught myself to move the photos from the phone to my computer, then I started a trial of Photoshop, and fell in love with the aspects of it.  I have taken myself as far as I can go on my own.  Now I am hoping to gain more knowledge from an instructor at the school I graduated from.  The same with writing.  I have taken myself as far as I could go, and I hope to get a degree in entrepreneurship, which is a subsequent degree.

One of my personal challenges is to create a new craftroom. I have a budget and a plan.  My takeaway for this challenge is already listed. 

So, if you feel bored, challenge yourself and do not let fear get in your way.  Life is a challenge by itself.  You can do this.  

from Blogger http://bit.ly/2U9twUM via IFTTT

[atravellingfoodie]

My memories of Cape Malay Ramadhan traditions in Cape Town are of joyous family time, where families reconnect, worship and eat together. A time when the rat race was left behind and every family member ensured that they were at home before sunset.

If you have never heard of Ramadhan then this article on What is Ramadhan and why do Muslims fast? may be useful. If you struggle to cope with the demands of work and family life during Ramadhan then these Tips for a successful Ramadhan may be useful.

The month of Ramadhan is about fasting (sawm) and the willing abstinence from food, drink, bad words and deeds and carnal pleasures between dawn and sunset. However, many of our memories of our Ramadhan traditions and the times we spent together are at the dining table during suhur and iftar.

Suhur was the quiet time before dawn when we could mentally and physically prepare ourselves for the day ahead. Iftar was the noisy time after sunset when everyone eats and families caught up with each other about how their day went.

My late father always went to one of the three neighbourhood mosques at the time for breaking the fast. His Ramadhan tradition was to break his fast at the mosque every evening with other fasting worshippers from the neighbourhood. Our duty was to make sure had a platter full of tasty treats for the children who were fasting and coming to mosque for iftar. They would then perform the early evening maghrib prayer in congregation.

After my father passed away our Ramadhan traditions and routine changed somewhat and our household was much more subdued. My mother’s sisters Mummy Rachel, Aunty Josie and her husband Uncle Mylie made sure that we had company every night during that first Ramadhan, and every year until both the sisters passed. Uncle Mylie drove through rain and sunshine so that my aunts could be with us at a time when we felt my father’s loss more than any other.

Ramadhan traditions for Suhur

Growing up it felt like torture in the early hours of the morning when my mother came to wake us, during the best part of sleep, to sit at the table and eat and drink in anticipation of the day of fasting. Thereafter we would stumble to the bathroom to make ablutions and await the call for prayer.

When we were children my mum often made toasted sandwiches with chicken mayonnaise or cheese filling for us. If there were any leftovers from the previous night’s dinner she used that, or fried sausages and scrambled eggs with caramelized onions that my dad loved.

During the latter weeks of Ramadhan when everyone started to feel the effects of dehydration and energy loss, we would occasionally oversleep and rise with just enough time to take a sip of water. Those were the days when we would feel the anguish of physical thirst and hunger the most.

As an adult I found that I fast with a clearer mind and more alertness if I consume a light suhur. My favorite suhur items for the first week of Ramadhan is cooked maize meal (polenta) or Mieliepap porridge because I don’t feel hungry as quickly by the afternoon. Other suhur options include low carb fruit smoothies or egg dishes with bread.

From the second or third week I find eating food early in the morning too much to bear and suffice with a few dates and many glasses of water. I force myself to eat something and drink water because Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him) advised that there is blessing in doing so.

Ramadhan Foods to eat at Suhur

Mieliepap

Overnight Dairy Free Muesli and Oats

Greek yogurt with homemade granola

Shakshuka poached eggs in spicy tomato sauce

Almond coconut bread

Almond and coconut breakfast pancakes

Low Carb Healthy Berry smoothie

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Dairy free Overnight oats

Greek yogurt and granola breakfast bowl

Shakshuka

Almond coconut bread

Almond coconut breakfast pancakes

Low carb berry smoothie

Ramadhan traditions for Iftar

If the Ramadhan Lantern, the Fanous Ramadhan, is the symbol of Ramadhan in the Middle East, then the symbol of Ramadhan in Cape Town should be a child carrying a covered side plate with iftar snacks. This custom ensured that everyone had something to break their fast with during Ramadhan and we shared with our neighbours whether they had anything to reciprocate or not.

From the age of about five I was visiting our immediate neighbours before iftar with small plates of sweet or savory snacks freshly made by my late mother. This has always been my favorite Ramadhan tradition and I would love to know where else in the world it is done. It is the one thing I miss more than any during Ramadhan in Dubai because it is such an important part of the Ramadhan tradition of sharing and charity in the Cape Malay community.

Even now you can find children in neighborhoods with sizable muslim populations going from neighbor to neighbour, carrying their precious iftar cargo every night. It exemplifies the spirit of sharing, caring and charity during Ramadhan, that we share what we have with our neighbours.

Every night the kids gather round the dining table for iftar waiting to hear the call to Magrib prayer ring out from the mosques nearby, so that they can break their fast with dates, a samosa or a daltjie. Samoosas and daltjies are a Ramadhan tradition and a staple on every iftar table. Every family has their own recipe and nearly every member of the household will eat one or more with soup or boeber. I have recently heard the samosa referred to as ‘The Most Dangerous triangle in the Cape Flats’ and ‘The Only Love Triangles you need’.

There were some items that my Aunty Gadija always made during Ramadhan like Gulab Jambo (the South African version of Gulab Jamun), Basboosa that she learnt from her mother in law and kriminatjies (a fried pastry puff with spicy minced meat filling). I’ve never acquired the taste for any other versions of these treats and every Ramadhan crave her Gulab Jambo or Basboosa.

When I was a child I loved to see all the small plates with the snacks that our neighbours sent over because Aunty Fadeela and Aunty Zaida were newly married and made something different every night. My nephews are exactly the same during iftar at their maternal grandmother’s house. During last Ramadhan the youngest one Sulaiman asked me on my first night back home whether he could come stay over at our house during Ramadhan. Then he remembered he would be missing out on the family iftar every night, and decided he would rather come after Eid.

Ramadhan Foods to eat at Iftar

Cape Malay pancakes (crepes) with sweet coconut flavored with cinnamon and cardamom;

South African Flapjacks

Sweetcorn and polenta fritters;

Daltjies spinach and corn fritters (made with chickpea flour, spinach and spices etc);

Cardamom bollas with saffron syrup

Falooda milkshake

Creamy Cape Malay boeber a hot milky beverage thickened with vermicelli and sago.

Red Lentil Soup

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Pancakes

Daltjies

Boeber

Falooda milkshake

Mushroom soup

Red Lentil soup

Many families proceed to the mosque for Taraweeh prayers, the optional night prayers during Ramadhan. It is beneficial to eat less at iftar so that you do not feel tired, sluggish or overburdened with food when performing the prayers. Very often they will have a light dinner after returning home from the night prayers.

It is recommended to perform Tahajjud prayers during the last third of the night, especially during Ramadhan. This is sometimes difficult for working adults, school goers and students who will already be having reduced sleeping hours. At least we can do it on the weekends to obtain the reward during Ramadhan.

Boeber night

Another Ramadhan tradition of the Cape Malays is Boeber night (Boeber aand). We commemorate the 15th night of Ramadhan or the half way mark, by having boeber and sending to our neighbours for iftar. In our home every night was Boeber aand because my mother always made it from the start of Ramadhan along with the soup that my dad loved.

This Boeber Night video is a funny yet accurate account of how much we love boeber.

When Eid beckons

During the last ten days and nights of Ramadhan we become less occupied with the restrictions placed upon us by fasting and even more focussed on worship. By this time the headaches have stopped, fasting breath has kicked in and our appetites have decreased significantly.

Allah tells us in Surah Al-Qadr 97:3, that ‘The Night of Decree is better than a thousand months’. Lailatul Qadr or the Night of Power is an odd numbered night during the last ten nights of Ramadhan, for which Allah caused knowledge of the exact night to be forgotten.

We strive even harder in worship during this time reciting Quran, doing good deeds, making dua and repenting for our sins in hope and faith that they will be forgiven. The supplication taught by Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him) to be made on the night of Laitul Qadr is:

“Allahumma innaka ‘afuwwun tuhibb al-‘afwa fa’fu ‘anni

(O Allah, You are All-Forgiving and You love forgiveness so forgive me).”

While trying to improve our worship we still have to go about our daily lives, including preparing for the festival of Eid Al Fitr. The Eid is celebrated on the first day of the month of Shawaal, and is declared after sighting the new moon at sunset after the last day of fasting in Ramadhan.

In preparation for Eid, Cape Malay households get a thorough spring cleaning during the last week of Ramadhan. New curtains and carpets may be installed and the cooks and bakers are busy for days preparing the treats that will be served to guests on the days of Eid. With the waning appetites for food comes simpler and less elaborate iftar meals.

For children of fasting age, the end of Ramadhan is a time for celebration if they have fasted during the month. The achievement and accomplishment of having completed one day or thirty is accompanied by special gifts from family and friends.

If you are fasting during this auspicious month please accept my sincere wishes for a Ramadhan Mubarak (Blessed Ramadhan) and Ramadan Kareem (Generous Ramadhan).

Do you have any Ramadhan traditions? Please share in the comments below.

If you liked any of the recipes above please consider rating the recipe and leaving a comment on that post. Also keep in touch on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram for more updates.

Don’t forget to share the recipe with your family and friends and #tantalisemytastebuds if you share one of my recipes that you made on Instagram!

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Cape Malay Ramadhan traditions My memories of Cape Malay Ramadhan traditions in Cape Town are of joyous family time, where families reconnect, worship and eat together.

[pirateshipclub]

Today we’re discussing a number of the best online ESL businesses that pay well. As 2019 rolls in, you may already have considered making a career shift that entails working entirely from home. This is the fantasy of many-a-professional; however, said experts frequently have difficulty seeing the reality of the dream, or they see it just as a”pipe” dream, especially if they feel like the abilities they do have do not equate to the work-from-home lifestyle. You will find an array of jobs which may be performed from home that people could not do 5, 10, or even 20 years ago — and one such endeavor is ESL tutoring. With the arrival of video chat, online colleges, and, well, the world wide web, ESL tutoring does not need to be in-person or at precisely the identical place; it can be done anywhere, anytime, with any licensed instructor or expert tutor. And a number of these jobs pay well — with many employees averaging $18/hour or more for online ESL tutoring work. But where can you find such a job, you might ask? Dive into the great world of distant ESL teaching with us and we will let you know precisely how to get started on your career path. Yalla (that is”let’s go,” in Arabic)! VIPKid has a reputation for being among the very legitimate ESL online tutoring companies in the industry — it is all over sites, journalistic publications, and job boards, often advertising around $20/hour . In addition, it is called the”Chinese unicorn,” meaning it’s a privately held startup valued at more than $1 billion. That’s a great deal of dough it could pay to its educators. Check it out, and let us know your ideas! Nations accessible: VIPKid teachers should be qualified to operate from the U.S. or Canada (but do not need to be physically in either country to educate ). Educational requirements: Bachelor’s degree in any field, 1 school year of”traditional teaching experience or the equivalent in mentoring, tutoring, or other education.” Go here to register for VIPKid or see our VIPKid review. Conversations are group-based in addition to one-on-one (when it comes to personal classes, which can also be offered). You also have the choice of teaching adults or kids, which is a big incentive for individuals who prefer older individuals. Nations accessible: 117 nations in North America, Europe, Asia, and South America. Go here to register for Education First or see our Education First review. The biggest selling point for me, for QKids, is that it is one of those higher-paying tasks that hires college student tutors — a big bonus if you are in school and require a flexible, work-from-home job! All teachers get a base pay of $16/hour, but can earn around $20/hour. Additionally, it has among the highest ratings I have seen on Truly. Nations accessible: Must be a native fluency English speaker located in the U.S. or Canada. Educational requirements: Earned a diploma, or currently enrolled in a college program; prior teaching/early youth experience preferable. Digital literacy is also a necessity, and you need to be available to teach at least 6 courses or 12 hours weekly. Go here to sign up to teach at QKids or see our QKids review. Tutors with this business are teaching English online to Taiwanese students. Teachers often make $18 — $24 per hour, and can also earn bonuses based on the amount of pupils in their course, and their”star” rating — seems like a excellent opportunity to create a decent quantity of money. ITutorGroup can be in a $2 billion evaluation in the business world. Base pay is dependent on your expertise or”other qualifications” Nations accessible: 135+ nations. A college degree or previous ESL teaching experience [and] past working experience in different areas [is] preferred.” Go here to register for iTutorGroup or see our iTutorGroup review. 5 million language students use the iTalki site, which is a prime opportunity for you to throw your ESL net amongst a broad selection of students. Featured on BBC, LifeHacker, and The Huffington Post (to mention but a few well-known books ), iTalki is a major platform for online ESL tutors. More than 10,000 tutors use the platform, and that a lot of people can be wrong in their career path(s). Nations accessible: iTalki is available worldwide. Educational requirements: You need to have a”native fluency” in the language you are likely to teach in. Go here to register for iTalki or see our iTalki review. Skooli has some of the most consistently higher ratings I have seen for both tutors and students, so it seems a rewarding high pay ESL job to register for. Skooli is referred to as an”advanced topics specialist,” priding itself on its exceptionally learned tutors (i.e., you will want a Master’s degree to become an internet tutor with this business ). It appears worthwhile, however, being one of those top-paying platforms tutors can use, too. While Skooli hires tutors to instruct a vast array of subjects, ESL tutoring is one of these. Nations accessible: N/A, but seems to be global. Educational requirements: Bachelor’s degree and state or provisional teaching certificate + Master’s degree or PhD + technical teacher qualification (ESL certificate ). Go here to subscribe to Skooli. Chegg is just another famous name in the online tutoring globe, being a publicly-held firm — which tells you how hot Chegg is. Tutors also gave the business consistently higher ratings on Truly and Glassdoor, so overall, it appears to be a wonderful place to work. Tutors working with Chegg can provide grammar, math, writing, and internship aid, and you might also sometimes have ESL students seeking help in a variety of subjects. Nations accessible: Implementing is U.S.-based. Educational requirements: Must upload two things in the following list: diploma, student ID card, transcript (official or unofficial), screenshot of student portal site, National Student Clearinghouse registration, Letter From Registrar, teaching or teaching certificate. Qualified tutors should also upload an English proficiency record, such as: TOEFL or IETLS score, verbal SAT, GMAT, GRE, or other standardized score, National English proficiency evaluation in an outside country, or transcript with innovative English language course grade. Go here to sign up to teach at Chegg or see our Chegg review. Landi is just another online tutoring firm with higher pay. Users cite the terrific culture and teaching processes to be other reasons to combine the provider’s ranks. The business is based on”immersive learning,” meaning it needs to change its Chinese students’ learning routines with”content language learning,” and the coaches on the web site teach kindergarten to high school level. Nations accessible: N/A, but seems to be global. Educational requirements: BA level or higher;”TEFL/CELTA or other teaching certification preferred but not mandatory.” Go here to subscribe to Landi English. DaDa is known as one of the very high pay ESL jobs for teachers. Bear in mind if you would like to change your availability, the company needs 30-day notice. They favor 12 weeks contract. Preferred teaching certificate, like TESOL certification, local teacher certification, or diploma in Education. Go here to subscribe to DaDa ABC or see our DaDa ABC review. Kaplan will sometimes hire distant ESL tutors, but tutors will have to live and work in exactly the same town where they teach — however, you will still have to teach from the comfort of your property! Kaplan is also a massive name in the education area, so getting hired with them are a fantastic blessing to your teaching resume. Additionally, because Kaplan is a international team, there’s potential chance to move up within the business, should be that something you are interested in for the long run. Nations accessible: Must be in the same town to educate through Kaplan, but can operate remotely. Go here to subscribe to Kaplan International. Have you tried any of the above mentioned high pay ESL jobs? Have you worked as a contract coach or an employed a mentor through one of the listed companies? What are some of the best practices in learning or teaching another language? Tell us in the comments! To find out more and to purchase social networking accounts, visit PirateShip.club

The post Today we’re discussing a number of the best online ESL businesses that pay well. As 2019 rolls in, you may already have considered making a career shift that entails working entirely from home. This is the fantasy of many-a-professional; however, said experts frequently have difficulty seeing the reality of the dream, or they see it just as a”pipe” dream, especially if they feel like the abilities they do have do not equate to the work-from-home lifestyle.

You will find an array of jobs which may be performed from home that people could not do 5, 10, or even 20 years ago — and one such endeavor is ESL tutoring. With the arrival of video chat, online colleges, and, well, the world wide web, ESL tutoring does not need to be in-person or at precisely the identical place; it can be done anywhere, anytime, with any licensed instructor or expert tutor. And a number of these jobs pay well — with many employees averaging $18/hour or more for online ESL tutoring work.

But where can you find such a job, you might ask? Dive into the great world of distant ESL teaching with us and we will let you know precisely how to get started on your career path. Yalla (that is”let’s go,” in Arabic)!

VIPKid has a reputation for being among the very legitimate ESL online tutoring companies in the industry — it is all over sites, journalistic publications, and job boards, often advertising around $20/hour . In addition, it is called the”Chinese unicorn,” meaning it’s a privately held startup valued at more than $1 billion. That’s a great deal of dough it could pay to its educators. Check it out, and let us know your ideas!

Nations accessible: VIPKid teachers should be qualified to operate from the U.S. or Canada (but do not need to be physically in either country to educate ).

Educational requirements: Bachelor’s degree in any field, 1 school year of”traditional teaching experience or the equivalent in mentoring, tutoring, or other education.”

Go here to register for VIPKid or see our VIPKid review.

Conversations are group-based in addition to one-on-one (when it comes to personal classes, which can also be offered). You also have the choice of teaching adults or kids, which is a big incentive for individuals who prefer older individuals.

Nations accessible: 117 nations in North America, Europe, Asia, and South America.

Go here to register for Education First or see our Education First review.

The biggest selling point for me, for QKids, is that it is one of those higher-paying tasks that hires college student tutors — a big bonus if you are in school and require a flexible, work-from-home job! All teachers get a base pay of $16/hour, but can earn around $20/hour. Additionally, it has among the highest ratings I have seen on Truly.

Nations accessible: Must be a native fluency English speaker located in the U.S. or Canada.

Educational requirements: Earned a diploma, or currently enrolled in a college program; prior teaching/early youth experience preferable. Digital literacy is also a necessity, and you need to be available to teach at least 6 courses or 12 hours weekly.

Go here to sign up to teach at QKids or see our QKids review.

Tutors with this business are teaching English online to Taiwanese students. Teachers often make $18 — $24 per hour, and can also earn bonuses based on the amount of pupils in their course, and their”star” rating — seems like a excellent opportunity to create a decent quantity of money. ITutorGroup can be in a $2 billion evaluation in the business world.

Base pay is dependent on your expertise or”other qualifications”

Nations accessible: 135+ nations.

A college degree or previous ESL teaching experience [and] past working experience in different areas [is] preferred.”

Go here to register for iTutorGroup or see our iTutorGroup review.

5 million language students use the iTalki site, which is a prime opportunity for you to throw your ESL net amongst a broad selection of students. Featured on BBC, LifeHacker, and The Huffington Post (to mention but a few well-known books ), iTalki is a major platform for online ESL tutors. More than 10,000 tutors use the platform, and that a lot of people can be wrong in their career path(s).

Nations accessible: iTalki is available worldwide.

Educational requirements: You need to have a”native fluency” in the language you are likely to teach in.

Go here to register for iTalki or see our iTalki review.

Skooli has some of the most consistently higher ratings I have seen for both tutors and students, so it seems a rewarding high pay ESL job to register for. Skooli is referred to as an”advanced topics specialist,” priding itself on its exceptionally learned tutors (i.e., you will want a Master’s degree to become an internet tutor with this business ). It appears worthwhile, however, being one of those top-paying platforms tutors can use, too. While Skooli hires tutors to instruct a vast array of subjects, ESL tutoring is one of these.

Nations accessible: N/A, but seems to be global.

Educational requirements: Bachelor’s degree and state or provisional teaching certificate + Master’s degree or PhD + technical teacher qualification (ESL certificate ).

Go here to subscribe to Skooli.

Chegg is just another famous name in the online tutoring globe, being a publicly-held firm — which tells you how hot Chegg is. Tutors also gave the business consistently higher ratings on Truly and Glassdoor, so overall, it appears to be a wonderful place to work. Tutors working with Chegg can provide grammar, math, writing, and internship aid, and you might also sometimes have ESL students seeking help in a variety of subjects.

Nations accessible: Implementing is U.S.-based.

Educational requirements: Must upload two things in the following list: diploma, student ID card, transcript (official or unofficial), screenshot of student portal site, National Student Clearinghouse registration, Letter From Registrar, teaching or teaching certificate. Qualified tutors should also upload an English proficiency record, such as: TOEFL or IETLS score, verbal SAT, GMAT, GRE, or other standardized score, National English proficiency evaluation in an outside country, or transcript with innovative English language course grade.

Go here to sign up to teach at Chegg or see our Chegg review.

Landi is just another online tutoring firm with higher pay. Users cite the terrific culture and teaching processes to be other reasons to combine the provider’s ranks. The business is based on”immersive learning,” meaning it needs to change its Chinese students’ learning routines with”content language learning,” and the coaches on the web site teach kindergarten to high school level.

Nations accessible: N/A, but seems to be global.

Educational requirements: BA level or higher;”TEFL/CELTA or other teaching certification preferred but not mandatory.”

Go here to subscribe to Landi English.

DaDa is known as one of the very high pay ESL jobs for teachers. Bear in mind if you would like to change your availability, the company needs 30-day notice.

They favor 12 weeks contract. Preferred teaching certificate, like TESOL certification, local teacher certification, or diploma in Education.

Go here to subscribe to DaDa ABC or see our DaDa ABC review.

Kaplan will sometimes hire distant ESL tutors, but tutors will have to live and work in exactly the same town where they teach — however, you will still have to teach from the comfort of your property! Kaplan is also a massive name in the education area, so getting hired with them are a fantastic blessing to your teaching resume. Additionally, because Kaplan is a international team, there’s potential chance to move up within the business, should be that something you are interested in for the long run.

Nations accessible: Must be in the same town to educate through Kaplan, but can operate remotely.

Go here to subscribe to Kaplan International.

Have you tried any of the above mentioned high pay ESL jobs? Have you worked as a contract coach or an employed a mentor through one of the listed companies? What are some of the best practices in learning or teaching another language? Tell us in the comments!

To find out more and to purchase social networking accounts, visit PirateShip.club appeared first on Pirateship Club. from Blog – Pirateship Club http://bit.ly/2AMVqOJ via IFTTT

[jesusvasser]

My Friend Malcolm “The Critic” Is Exceedingly Hard to Please

“It reminds me of the Ingmar Bergman film Autumn Sonata,” my friend Malcolm said, eyeing the 2018 Subaru Crosstrek I’d parked in his driveway. “There are deep wounds on display here, the shame and stench of inadequacy, and of course the inescapable if unspoken allusions to a gruesome degenerative disease.”

Yet again, apparently, Malcolm did not like my test car.

I’ve known him for roughly six years now, and in that entire time I can count the test cars he’s actually approved of on two or three fingers. Mind you, while Malcolm is knowledgeable about cars, he’s not an enthusiast. But it would be a mistake to write off his judgments as the groundless rantings of a dilettante. See, Malcolm is a top political and culture writer for one of the country’s best-known websites. It’s his job to hold opinions on a dizzying range of issues, and he undertakes that mission with the tenacity of a Navy SEAL.

His analyses are deeply thought out and often startlingly accurate. For instance: Malcolm correctly predicted the Boston Red Sox would blow out the Los Angeles Dodgers in last fall’s World Series. (That alone hardly makes him Nostradamus; unfortunately, I foretold the same for my team.) He rightly prophesied the outcome of the 2016 presidential election—four weeks before election day, he called his projection “a slam dunk.” Like what he says or not, Malcolm reminds me of the old EF Hutton commercial: When he talks, people listen.

That said, I listen but don’t agree with most of Malcolm’s views on cars. Maybe it’s the giddy enthusiast in me, or maybe it’s because I understand the relentless challenges involved with creating a new car amid today’s daunting engineering strictures and fickle market demands—but I always try to find at least something to like in most automobiles. For Malcolm, on the other hand, every car is guilty of first-degree murder until proven otherwise—and that’s almost never.

Malcolm’s musings sure are fun, though. I remember the afternoon I showed up at his office in a new BMW i3—a design I’ve likened in print to a painting by Picasso, or maybe it was Salvador Dalí, for its eccentric swoops and cutlines and irregular window shapes. The bodywork is so avant-garde that I find it endearing. I was curious, of course, as to Malcolm’s take.

“That thing should be terminated,” he said with a sneer.

“What do you mean? What don’t you like about it?”

“Terminate . . . with extreme prejudice.” I had to promise to pay for lunch just to get Malcolm to finally climb aboard.

Every car is guilty of murder one until proven otherwise. And they are almost never proven otherwise.

In retrospect, I should’ve expected The Critic’s response to the goofy i3. But Malcolm’s jaundiced eye is an equal-opportunity shade thrower. He also hates cars the rest of us find sublime. There was the afternoon we set out for a drive in a 2017 Porsche 911 Turbo, all black, 540 horsepower in a skintight steel catsuit. Malcolm? He just yawned. “This car feels like going on a date with Brigitte Bardot—today. I loved it 50 years ago. I still kinda liked it 30 years ago. But now? Don’t you find this design way too old and way, way too . . . familiar?”

“Did you see the new active rear spoiler? It pneumatically adjusts to—”

“If you told me someone heaved a giant Frisbee and it crash-landed into the rear end, I’d believe you.”

There was no use arguing. Malcolm had made up his mind. For Malcolm, even the low-slung Audi R8 supercar was an eyesore. “It looks like someone beat a Karmann Ghia to death with a George Foreman Grill,” he said when I showed up in a white 2017 R8 V-10.

“What the hell does that mean?” I asked, incredulous—and having just received several enthusiastic thumbs-up from nearby motorists.

“I hate the way curvy has given way to chiseled,” Malcolm said. “It’s like they squeezed all the fat out of it—all the juiciness is gone. That shape is flatter than a Justin Bieber high note.”

“How about the cockpit? You have to admit, it’s pretty sweet in there.”

Malcolm peered inside. “The last time I saw that much red leather I was shopping for my girlfriend in the holiday aisle at Trashy Lingerie.”

What can you say? The man seems to like having bad days.

Even stranger than his choices for thumbs-down ratings are the cars about which Malcolm waxes rhapsodic. One example: The moment he saw it, Malcolm went gaga over the Ferrari GTC4Lusso T, the Italian maker’s fleet-footed if uniquely proportioned four-seater. Never mind the car’s stubby-butted “shooting brake” profile; Malcolm was in lust. “Every SUV in the world should bow down in admiration of this magnificent automobile,” he said, eyes big and smile wide. “Classic long-nose/front-engine Ferrari, set relatively low but with four-wheel drive, plus room for four adults. Just brilliant. You know who would’ve loved this car?”

“Helen Keller?”

Malcolm rolled his eyes. “Andy Warhol. The transcendent elevation of everyday commercial commodities and consumerist needs into the realm of fine art, foreshadowing the market systems that would shape our current propensity to . . . ” Sometimes, if you didn’t have any aspirin handy, it was best to just stand back and not try to figure out what Malcolm was saying.

Another of his faves: Toyota’s hydrogen-powered Mirai fastback sedan. Personally, while I heartily applaud the car’s pioneering fuel-cell technology, I find the Mirai’s shape bizarre, almost horrifying in a Kafkaesque way. On my worst day as an orthodontics-shackled teenager, my mouth never looked as grotesque as the Mirai’s gibbous prow. Malcolm loves the beast.

“You don’t get it, Arthur,” he told me. “The Mirai is like a piece of origami shaped to breathe the winds of the future.” (Or to ride the runoff into the storm drain, I thought.) I think Malcolm’s infatuation with the Mirai’s cutting-edge powertrain had blinded him to the car’s utter contempt for pulchritude. “Imagine,” he said, “driving more than 300 miles without a gram of greenhouse emissions. Gorgeous.”

“By that logic, you must think Thomas Edison should’ve been a male stripper.”

Malcolm stared at me. “He was quite the magnetic individual, yes.”

After all these years, I’ve learned not to take Malcolm’s views too seriously. Instead, I enjoy them for their candor and the originality of his perspective. Mostly, though, Malcolm just makes me laugh my ass off. One afternoon a horrific, bright yellow Mercedes G-wagen on what must’ve been 26-inch rims passed us.

For a moment Malcolm said nothing, then he turned to me. “Did you see who was driving that rig?”

I shook my head.

“Yuri Pulsive.”

IFTTT

[thedreamingdilettante]

The Difference Between What We Can Do & What's Healthy

I wrote this blog post for myself. I needed to clarify some things and re-connect with my truth. Writing has always been my way to do that. I decided to share it because it’s raw and truthful and I thought it might resonate with others and perhaps help. Sometimes seeing into someone else’s process can be helpful and affirming. So with that in mind, here’s today’s post:

I have been thinking a lot lately about the difference between what we can do versus what is healthy and beneficial for us to do.

As a recovering people-pleaser, it’s always been hard for me to say no to things. My life has always been surrounded by people who knew they only had to challenge my “no” a bit and I would see that I could, in fact, cancel my plans to help them out of their dire situation.

Their situations were always dire. Mine were always of my own doing and “what did I think would happen.”

When I was in high school I started having bouts of exhaustion which as a female and a teenager was sort of dismissed as hormones or rebellion. I went down the road of medical testing and was assured I was fine. In my twenties, it became worse and by then the medical community had grown and decided that an anti-depressant would fix me. I am grateful that I think so differently from the rest of the mainstream that I refused. I wasn’t sleeping all day because I was depressed but I was getting pretty depressed about my lack of energy.

Over the next 4 years, I found I had Adrenal Fatigue and since at the time medical doctors just stared at me over the prescription pads when I mentioned it I found myself going down the naturopathic route. I told my husband one day, “that’s it, I need to be the one to fix this.”

And I did.

Fixing it looked like my revamping my life, recognizing what I could do and what I couldn’t do regardless of what the rest of the world kept saying I should be able to do.

Did you ever notice how quick the world is to tell you what to do but how they shrug their shoulders when you ask for help?

I have.

You see, there are societal norms and I get it but I think we can all agree to some level that society is pretty crap right now. If I paid more attention in history class I am sure I could argue that society has always been crap.

Whenever we believe we are experts on how another should live we are crap and that’s the truth. I am constantly seeing the reinforcement of this truth: we are all meant to walk a unique path. The worst thing we do for each other is to try and fit in with the masses. And when the masses are all clambering off the side of a hilltop together plummeting to our deaths we point fingers at one another because “I was just doing what you told me.”

I’m tired of the voices in my head that have been whispering to me of how I should do this or that. I am tired of reading articles with 10 steps to be like everyone else.

What does anyone out there know about my happiness? I have been studying it for 41 years and still get tripped up sometimes.

You see, today I was thisclose to making a life-altering decision. A decision I have been saying I would not do under any circumstances because I knew how miserable it would make me. Even though I technically could do it if I went ahead and canceled all the life plans I have made. If I was a completely different person and wouldn’t be a ruined cranky mess for choosing someone else’s happiness over my own.

That’s what we are supposed to do right? We are supposed to not care at all about what makes us happy because someone else needs us.

That’s crap too by the way.

A society of unique, powerful, beautiful creators walking around making themselves small, cutting off their own truth and happiness because someone is telling them the things they are supposed to care about.

Maybe that’s why we are always mad and fighting one another.

I am sad that I can’t do something to make life easier for another person. I recognize what it would mean to them if I put aside my dreams and the life I have built to help them. I wish I could do it.

Actually if I am wishing for things I wish they wouldn’t need me to do it.

But I believe in choices. I believe we all have them, millions of them all the time every day floating around us. I believe as long as our eyes open and we have breath in our lungs that we can choose to shift our perspective and make changes in our own lives. I do.

Helping others should never weaken the person that is doing the helping. We are meant to help each other in such a way that it strengthens both of us.

So I am sharing this post to help. You aren’t alone if the idea of saying no to someone breaks your heart. Especially if you love them.

It’s ok to choose you. Regardless of what they may say, they too made choices. Choices that lead them to where they are now. We are all given choices in this life.

I believe we are meant to help how and when we can. That choosing to step fully into our best selves in the best way for us to help each other and the world as a whole. No one would want to live in a house I built because building houses isn’t my strength.

But you may want me to mix cocktails at the housewarming.

We are all strong and capable but in very different ways. Never feel ashamed if you strengths look very different than others.

The world needs that now.

Sending you much love,

Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante

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[oovitus]

Ask a Doc: Caring for Older Adults

In our Ask a Doc series, we sit down with physicians and other clinical experts across Highmark’s health plan networks, including at Allegheny Health Network (AHN), for a chat on an important health topic. In this post, AHN’s Dr. Lyn Weinberg discusses her work with older adults.

We’re getting older in the U.S. The nation’s median age rose from 28 in 1975 to 37.9 in 2016, and the number of people 65 or older grew from 35 million in 2000 to 49.2 million in 2016.

As our population continues to age, it’s vital that health care systems adapt to meet the needs of older patients. To start, Dr. Lyn Weinberg of Allegheny Health Network (AHN) stresses that preconceived notions of what aging looks like must be discarded.

“Older adults are heterogeneous,” she says. “I see 85-year-olds who are in great shape and working or volunteering in their spare time. I also see 85-year-olds who are in hospice. One treatment might work well for one patient, but not for the other. It’s so important to treat each patient personally and individualize their care.”

Dr. Weinberg was recently named the new Division Director for Geriatrics at AHN. In her position, she’ll work to operationalize and standardize geriatric care across the network while also continuing to practice.

During our conversation at the cafeteria of West Penn Hospital, Dr. Weinberg discussed her work with AHN, how she approaches geriatric care, and her vision for geriatric care delivery.

The Next Generation of Care

Nikki Buccina (NB): Being a younger doctor, what’s it like to provide cross-generational care?

Dr. Lyn Weinberg, Division Director for Geriatrics at Allegheny Health Network

Dr. Lyn Weinberg (LW): I get a lot of comments about how young I look, but it’s in good faith. There’s a special bond between younger and older generations. I had my first baby at the beginning of last year and I could see that it definitely brightened my patients’ days to share that with me. I had patients bring me gifts, knit things for me — it made that connection even closer.

NB: Are health care providers who specialize in geriatric care in high demand?

LW: I would say geriatricians are in high demand, but there may never be enough geriatricians to meet that demand. In my role, I like to focus on educating clinical trainees and other primary care doctors on quality geriatric care, because it’s going to be delivered by almost all health care providers.

I believe that as a geriatrician, it’s also my responsibility to be an educator. I want to help all health care providers better understand care delivery for older adults and the nuances within that — it’s why I’m so passionate about incorporating geriatrics education into residency training. We have a very robust geriatric curriculum for our resident trainees here at AHN and I’ve gone through a formal fellowship as part of my training.

NB: Can you talk more about what a fellowship in geriatric medicine entails?

LW: A fellowship in geriatric medicine is a year of training beyond internal medicine. It focuses on issues that affect older adults, and the curriculum that falls outside of typical medical training, dipping more into the psychosocial area.

In particular, it looks at how to navigate an older adult through the health care system and place a focus on available resources as well as issues that affect older adults like low vision, hearing or even urinary incontinence. I know it’s not very glamorous. But it’s important.

Another important part of this training focuses on how to best manage polypharmacy in older adults. One way to define polypharmacy is any patient who is taking more than four medications, which is pretty much everybody in geriatric populations. It can be a major factor in health-related complications, so in a training program someone may cover how to ask questions in practice like “how can we cut this down?” or “is there something we should be using instead?”

Lastly, providers learn more about the best methods to manage end-of-life issues and dementia.

Caring for Older Patients

NB: What drew you to working with older adults?

LW: I just have a soft spot for older adults; I don’t know what else to say. I love the complexity of care in older adults. There are standardized guidelines in medicine about how to take care of heart attacks, hypertension, you name it, but many of those guidelines came out of research and studies which didn’t include real-world geriatric patients. So, when I’m working with older patients, it’s really about individualizing their care and going one step beyond the guidelines.

I also enjoy working with families to meet end-of-life goals for the patient, and the way caring for older adults relies heavily on multidisciplinary teams. It’s not just what I think, it’s also the professional opinions of therapists, social workers, pharmacists and more.

NB: What is your perspective of palliative and end-of-life care?

LW: The word palliative in medicine means to relieve suffering, and that should be part of practice — I don’t know if we necessarily need to send someone to a different doctor. As for end of life, I find it rewarding to work alongside a patient and their family to make sure the patient dies with dignity. If they have goals to die at home without pain, it’s crucial that we do everything we can to meet those goals.

I have had to personally change the way I think about palliative and end-of-life care because I have my own idea on what a good death looks like, but that’s not the same for everybody. There are some patients who need to feel that they’ve tried every aggressive measure at the expense of what I would consider to be a good quality of life. Over the last five years, I’ve learned to meet people where they are and support them through whatever they decide for themselves.

NB: You were instrumental in standing up the HELP program at AHN. Can you tell us more about why you thought it was important to implement this national program and where you’re going with it?

LW: Throughout my residency, fellowship and beyond, I saw some of the hazards of hospitalization for the elderly. When they are admitted, the process is normally that they’re put to bed, restricted from walking (which stems from a fear that they will fall), and they can quickly become deconditioned. Especially when you take into account the new faces, new sounds and alarms, interrupted sleep patterns and even different medications, all of this can cause older adults to become extremely disoriented, which can cause delirium, or acute confusion.

Personally, I think that’s just heartbreaking. Someone comes to the hospital to get better, but there’s this risk with older adults that they may leave better on paper but with more disability than when they came into the hospital.

The HELP program is great because it focuses on the prevention of delirium and acute confusion in older adults. It’s a common-sense approach. We have volunteers who help seniors stay awake during the day so they can sleep better at night, give them a newspaper so they can read the date, have conversations with them — it’s a strategic approach to keep their minds active and engaged throughout their stay. It’s just good care.

We started HELP here at West Penn, and we also introduced it at Allegheny General Hospital (AGH) in June. It’s been going extremely well — we’ve already seen 160 patients at AGH, and at West Penn we’ve seen more than 2,000 patients since its launch in May 2016.

NB: What program or initiative, outside of HELP, are you excited about in terms of AHN’s care for seniors?

LW: We have a formalized program with the trauma surgeons at AGH. When patients who are 75 years or older are admitted to the hospital for trauma service, they are also now seen by one of our geriatric practitioners who will then follow them throughout their entire stay.

The majority of trauma-related admittance for older adults is caused by falling. The trauma surgeons are amazing at managing the injury, but always appreciate further guidance on managing the cause of the older adult’s fall.

Our geriatric practitioners are able to talk to the patient about their health goals, or if the situation is severe enough, their end-of-life goals. This has been an extremely successful program and we’re hoping to introduce it at Forbes Hospital in the near future.

Improving Care for an Aging Population

NB: Is there ageism in the U.S. health care system?

LW: It’s huge. Ageism can be found mostly at the hospital level, especially if the patient develops delirium. To take just one example, if a patient is a little confused one day during his or her stay, some doctors may quickly jump to dementia. If a chronic condition like dementia is on your chart — it doesn’t just go away.

So a year later, I may see that same patient who has dementia written all over the chart and they’re completely fine, but if dementia is on the chart, the patient might not be a candidate for certain treatments or surgeries because of that.

It’s important that clinicians take their time with older adults and be patient. It can be difficult, especially when working with a patient who may have low hearing or other challenges, but it’s important to ensure the highest quality of care.

NB: Is there an area where providers could focus more when it comes to improving care for older adults?

LW: I hope to guide other providers to keep the big picture in mind. Older adults have a lot of different medical issues going on and some of them see a variety of specialists. I think clinicians have the best intentions but can sometimes solely focus on their “organ system” or area of specialty, and then a patient’s care can quickly become fragmented.

We need to ensure that with geriatric patients we’re focusing on the person, and we’re looking at the whole person and the whole picture. It’s a rewarding thing to work with these patients and their families in this season of their lives and to look beyond just the medical aspects of their care, but also care for their psychosocial needs as well.

Ask a Doc: Caring for Older Adults published first on https://storeseapharmacy.tumblr.com

[jeromechill1]

Don’t confuse “statistical significance” with “importance”

This is the twenty-ninth blog in a series of 36 blogs based on a list of ‘Key Concepts’. Each blog will explain one Key Concept that we need to understand to be able to assess treatment claims.

———————————————————————————————————————————-

When we read the word significant, flashing lights and sirens go off in our minds. We should care about this, we think. Synonyms such as ‘important’, ‘meaningful’, and ‘powerful’ quickly come to mind. Unfortunately, this otherwise innocent looking word has caused a significant amount of trouble in scientific circles, as its use (and abuse) in the context of interpreting results has forever coupled the word with the concept of statistical hypothesis testing (think p-values and see the previous Key Concept blog: ‘Confidence Intervals should be reported‘).

Let’s break it down…

As we discussed in the previous key concept blog, arbitrary cut-offs or ‘levels of significance’ are established by researchers, ideally before starting their work, to later determine whether their results are ‘statistically significant’. The most commonly used threshold in research is 5% (or p<0.05). The interpretation of results using this method is quite straightforward.

For example…

If the p-value corresponding to the difference in mean weight between two groups of participants is less than this threshold (e.g. p=0.03), then we can reject the null hypothesis (i.e. that no difference exists between the comparison groups) and our result is deemed ‘statistically significant’. If the p-value is above the threshold (e.g. p=0.10), we cannot reject the null and our result is ‘not statistically significant’. This procedure is known as statistical hypothesis testing.

I want to emphasize that this p<0.05 cutoff is entirely arbitrary and there is nothing inherently special about it. It is clear that p=0.04999 and p=0.05001 are essentially the same thing, and yet the former allows you to use the magic words ‘statistically significant’ to describe your results and the latter does not. Sometimes, results that do not meet this threshold are never published because they are deemed ‘uninteresting’ or ‘unimportant’ and this has led to publication bias and p-hacking [1,2].

But what is the actual difference in mean weight between the two groups of participants? Neither the p-values nor the dichotomous (yes/no) statements regarding ‘statistical significance’ give us any quantitative information about that. And this is exactly the problem: p-values only tell us something about how likely we would obtain the same study results simply due to chance. We know nothing about the actual point estimate (here, mean weight difference) in which we are actually interested.

Say we find that the difference in mean weight between the two groups to be 0.1kg and we find this difference is statistically significant (p=0.03). This means the average weight in group 1 is different than the average weight in group 2 and that this little discrepancy is probably not due to chance (based on the p-value). Even though this result is statistically significant, is it really meaningful?

The answer to that question entirely depends on the context and is up for interpretation. If we are running a randomized controlled trial with adult participants, a difference of 0.1kg in mean weight between the two groups is probably not important, even though it is ‘statistically significant’. However, we would certainly feel differently if we used a different group of participants; 0.1kg would be a much more meaningful difference in two groups of neonatal infants, for example.

When we increase the number of outcomes, we become more precise in our estimation of the true difference. In other words, we become more confident that our results are not just due to chance. Theoretically, if there are sufficient outcome events, even the most minuscule, meaningless differences can become statistically significant. On the other hand, an over-reliance on statistical significance can lead us to overlook important results or falsely classify uncertain results as negative ones. Because of the relationship between p-value and sample size, this problem is especially prevalent in studies with fewer outcomes. For this reason, it is crucial not to confuse statistical significance with importance.

Sometimes, results that are not ‘statistically significant’ are never published because they are deemed ‘uninteresting’ or ‘unimportant’ and this has led to publication bias and p-hacking.

Let’s walk through another example to illustrate this point…

We need to decide whether a new surgical intervention is more appropriate for a cancer patient with a brain tumour compared to the standard chemotherapy treatment, based on the following hypothetical results:

Hypothetical result 1: “The new surgical intervention statistically significantly reduced the number of patient deaths compared to the current standard chemotherapy treatment (p=0.04)”

What is significant? Do the authors mean considerably fewer deaths or just statistically significant fewer deaths? It is not clear, but possibly just the latter, since the p-value is reported. Here, we don’t have any information on exactly how superior the new surgical intervention was compared to chemotherapy.

Hypothetical result 2: “The new surgical intervention statistically significantly reduced the number of patient deaths compared to the current standard chemotherapy treatment (p=0.04). After five years, there were two fewer deaths in the intervention group.”

Now the exact difference in number of deaths is provided and it is clear the word ‘significantly’ refers to statistical significance in this case, since two is not a large difference. As a reader, it is now important to contextualize these results. In an exploratory study in which each group had only 10 participants, two fewer deaths in the intervention group would be meaningful and warrant further investigation. In a large clinical trial with 1000 participants in each group, two fewer deaths, even if statistically significant, is less impressive. In this case, I would consider the two interventions more or less equal and base my treatment decision on other factors.

Hypothetical result 3: “The new surgical intervention did not statistically significantly reduce the number of patient deaths compared to the current standard chemotherapy treatment (p=0.07). After five years, there was 1 death in the surgical intervention group and 9 deaths in the standard chemotherapy group.”

This time we have a statistically non–significant result that corresponds to a seemingly large point estimate (8 fewer deaths). In this case, it appears the treatment has an important effect but perhaps the study lacks sufficient power for this difference to be statistically significant. Again, we need more information about the size of the trial to contextualize the results. To simply conclude by virtue of statistical hypothesis testing that this study shows no difference between groups would seem inappropriate.

Summary

Hopefully after considering these examples, it is clear that the word ‘significant’ in the scientific context can be rather misleading. Thankfully, there are a host of other words (‘important’, ‘meaningful’, ‘interesting’, etc.) you can use instead to draw attention to the importance of your findings without referring to this arbitrary cutoff. Furthermore, when presenting results, consider using point estimates and confidence intervals instead of relying on the misleading p-value and the dichotomous concept of hypothesis testing.

  Additional resources

Testing Treatments

Click here for more resources explaining why saying that a difference is statistically significant or that it is not statistically significant can be misleading

Read the rest of the blogs in the series here

References

Masicampo EJ, Lalande DR. A peculiar prevalence of p values just below .05. The Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology. 2012;65(11):22719.

Head ML, Holman L, Lanfear R, Kahn AT, Jennions MD. The Extent and Consequences of P-Hacking in Science. PLoS Biol. 2015;13(3):e1002106.

Take home message:

https://www.students4bestevidence.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/2.17-Don_t-confuse-statistical-significance-with-importance.mp4

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