#i feel like theres more i want to say but my brain is soup because ive gotten like 4 hours of sleep past 3 nights in a row. fucking snzzzzzz

[offbranddrpepsi]

Hello! I'm not sure if you do this so feel free to just ignore this request if you don't :]! Could I request a Reyna X trans! Male reader that already had his surgery but some people were mean to him saying his still a female (how would Reyna react to them, comfort reader, etc) have a great day/night!

I am always open for asks like this because I know how much comfort they can give people as well as it just feels nice to have something like this sometimes. I hope you enjoy it and will be writing it as both top and bottom surgery (though the focus will be top surgery for obvious reasons). This is not proof read as im still a bit sick and finished a book recently so rereading anything makes my brain soup so i apologize for any mistakes.

Reyna is no stranger to being different though she doesn't understand why it is such a big deal for some. As such she is as well read as she can be when it comes to queer issues, especially if they involve her partner or someone close to her. She may not be perfect but she is always willing to listen and understand. Since day one when you introduced yourself she had asked for your pronouns, a habit Gekko had gotten her into, and didn't ask any questions past that. At that point you had obvious defined hips, despite trying to hide them, and a notable bump in your chest as binders weren't perfect but she never questioned it. You called yourself a man so she did and when you came out to her you could tell the dots connecting in her brain as you spoke. If someone misgendered you she would just very bluntly correct them with a "he." then stare at them with those vibrant eyes until you folded. Reyna was like having a guard dog that, even if they disregarded your identity, made it hard for anyone to disrespect you to your face in her presence. As you two grew closer and became a pair she would get a little intrusive but well meaning. She would ask you about physical things ranging from affection to more intimate ones. How you wanted her to handle you or refer to you, if you were comfortable with her seeing you in certain clothing or ways etc. Reyna is a woman who likes to establish clear boundaries and does so with you so she can be the best girlfriend she can be while also making sure you are comfortable. If permitted she can be found at times stealing your clothes like most girlfriends would, favoring anything oversized or jackets. She never stops gushing about her partner and boyfriend, even talking about how her sister would adore you and probably see you as a brother. At the end of the day who you are at the surface doesnt matter to her as she cares more about whats under it all, appearances be damned.

Post surgery shes adorable and overbearing as you heal. She helps change bandages, drains, even helps you shower if needed. Her radiance lets her monitor your heart rate and body temp so at the first sign of any infection or inflammation shes right on top of it making you take medicine and rest. Once you're healed enough she is the first to nuzzle herself into your chest and sit in silence as she hears your heart beat, you breath, just you exist as a more full version of yourself thats hopefully happier being in your own skin. Given how supportive and loving she is she absolutely takes it HORRIBLY when people are still mean and cruel to you. She makes sure to over talk them with your pronouns and correct name, throwing compliments at you in there as well to make them feel absolutely smothered by her. Of course thats when you're there, when you arent shes snarling and threatening them in the way shes best at. Teeth bared shes asking them to repeat themselves, seeing how dedicated they are to their bigotry before tearing into them. If theres one things Reyna is good at its being scary and damn does she scare them into at least being politely silent. When it comes to comforting you shes your biggest fan already but shes admittedly a tad bad at it because she doesn't really get why they have to be like that. Before it made sense because maybe they slipped up or just weren't thinking but now that you've taken steps to masculinize yourself more she sees absolutely zero excuse. Reyna holds you against her and promises to make sure you don't have to hurt again, to weed out those that would treat you this way. She makes threats of ripping tongues out but calms herself to turn her attention to you. You're the one that was hurt by people to small minded to be accepting, being vengeful won't fix that right now. For as long as you need she is there, holding you and talking to you. She talks you into setting up a date where she introduces you to her family that accept you just as she had. She arranges shopping trips to get you more masculine clothes and even helps you donate your old binders to other trans youth. Reyna even pulls Gekko in to "help his big brother out" as theres just some things about being a man that she doesn't understand but knows having someone like him around would be helpful

[actualbird]

Hey zak!

Marius is a pansexual mess, how do you think the NXX is going to react when they realize he has a massive crush on Artem's frying pan?

jkjk fdhasjkfhdjaskf

Okay seriously: How do you think the NXX is going to react if they overhear Marius making a flirty comment about them?

For instance: Luke shows Marius a picture of Vyn and Marius makes a comment like "The worst thing about Vyn is how hot he is, it drives me insane."

Not knowing that Vyn was outside the room and heard that.

well first off, i want it known that everybody in the nxx actually probably has a crush on artem's frying pan, and FOR GOOD REASON. artem's kitchen utensils, tools, and appliances are of the Highest Quality and also theyre SEXY. actually, marius has a crush on the pan (artem looks really good flambe-ing stuff), luke has crush on the knives (he loves a good weapon....uh he meant kitchen apparatus, totally), mc has a crush on the pots (love is stored in the SOUP), and vyn has a crush on the stand mixer (NOT on artem, he would like to make that clear) (marius, luke, and mc dont believe him, they think this is vyn being a tsundere about how he secretly wants to hate-kiss artem into oblivion)

......sorry, what was this ask response about again? OH RIGHT

the nxx team's reactions to overhearing marius making flirty comments about them

i wont delve too much into mc because we already know how she'd react given we see it in-game whenever marius says flirty things right to her Face: she gets all blushy -> she gets unimpressed -> "MARIUS! VON!! HAGEN!!!"

and she is so cute for that. frankly, her overhearing comments like this instead of being told it outright (oftentimes with a teasing expression) would make her feel more flattered, because "oh, he really thinks im attractive? it's not just a tease to rile me up? O////O"

which brings me to

-

luke, who i think would have a reaction rather similar to mc's: he overhears -> he gets all blushy -> he mentally backpedals with "OH HES JUST TEASING, HE MUST JUST BE MESSING WITH ME, HAHA, OH MARIUS, YOU JOKER!!!"

but given that this is an Overheard Instance of Flirting, luke's logic would then say "but if hes messing with you, why is he telling someone else instead of You (the person he is allegedly messing with)", to which luke would internally reply with "i dont know!! but theres no way he actually thinks im cute because!! WHAT!!! i-im not cute, im just—not that i WISH he thought i was cute, it's just! yknow!!! //frantic and aimless gesticulating" and then

vyn, walking past where luke is in the nxx hallway: what on earth are you doing there just muttering to yourself and waving your hands around?

luke: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS //pulls out a smoke bomb from nowhere, throws it on the ground, and runs away

-

meanwhile, it takes artem a While to even realize that marius was being flirty in the comment he overheard. like im imagining it was something that, if you were an Ace (as in asexual) Attorney like artem is, the comment was either innocuous or metaphorical enough that it TOTALLY flies over artem's head

until days later when artem mentions it to someone else and it's like

mc: artem. oh my god. that means he thinks youre SEXY

artem: What.

mc: like, marius was making an Innuendo

artem, ears going a bit red: W h a t.

and then he just goes silent as his brain bluescreens VKJHSFSD

-

vyn is the one who would take it most in stride, and also affectionately use this against marius whenever the situation and ambiance permits. like, he'll overhear that exact line u mention in your ask and then vyn will just

stride into the room with a shit-eating grin on his face

vyn: do not let my looks distract you too much, i do need your mind working at some sort of standard of quality during our sessions

marius, mocking vyn immediately bc hes not one to back down from a bitch-off: ohhhhh look at me im vynnn i know im hot shittt~ get over yourself!!

vyn: i dont have to, seeing as you definitely are not getting over me any time soon :)

luke, watching with metaphorical popcorn: ooh, that was a good burn. sorry, man

marius: //screeches into his hands because even when vyn is being a bitch, hes STILL hot to marius. probably even HOTTER

ahh, the trials and tribulations of marius von hagen, in a team of comprised of people who are so infuriating (in different ways) but also so so pretty. VLAKJFSFA

[hollyhomburg]

Hi Li🥰

I've been keeping up with bily since chapter 7 (I think🤔) I just finished chapter 14 of prey animals on ao3 and I just wanted to gush about how much I love this story and your writing!! I've re read bily a couple times its genuinely one of the best things I've read🥺 It's become one of my little comforts, re reading some chapters when my brain wants a mini break from life. The excitement I feel when I see a new chapter is coming, or realize I'm a little behind and have a couple chapters to catch up on is something I haven't felt for a story before🥺The way you've built the world, described the settings, made the characters feel real and let me empathize with them through everything that happens in the story is incredible! Every plot twist and secret reveal had me gasping and clutching my imaginary pearls, then seeing the little hints sprinkled thru the earlier chapters when re reading was soo fun!! I absolutely love the relationship building/dynamics especially Tae/MC and Hobi/MC (that burn was slow but soo worth it😭) and of course theres the relationship with yoongi which was so comforting, I love the way you're building it in prey animals! OG Bily is forever iconic but during re reads the relationship start did feel a little fast, which isnt bad at all but the pacing now feels right and their backstory is a lot more fleshed out. Watching them fall in love was beautiful but also kinda ouch because I know what they're about to go thru together in the next few chapters😭 I'm a little sad the official ending chapters are coming up, but I am so stoked for the finished re write/book (if it happens i will buy several copies🫡😌) I was here when the community was a little bigger and the secrets weren't out yet, I wish I were more active on here back then so I wouldn't be word vom ing my love for the series rn (I'm almost done I swear😅) There were a couple other popular bts fics i started at the same time as bily that had similar upload schedules and youre the only one thats stayed pretty consistent with your uploads(the others do too but like a couple times a year?) and I think thats so cool, you're so passionate about your works and I admire that so much. After ch 30smth of bily I went thru the masterlist i realized you wrote a couple of my faves!!(alpha goes first +the hybrid series) I think what I'm trying to say now is I'm a fan of your writing and while bily will always be with me I'm excited for your future works as well!!! This was so long I'm so sorry I've been wanting to say something since ch60 ish but i kept chickening out😅 Ily and your work and I'll always cheer for you!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

ahhhh this was so sweet to read! i read this late last night when i woke up having a panic attack. ahhhh i'm always stunned when people tell me that they've re-read bily a bunch of times because it takes so long! i hope there are moments in it that you come back too when you need them!

ahhhh i'm glad the slow burn was worth it- i was writing some of their smutt in the next chapter and 😵‍💫 hopefully it's a satisfying conclusion to their love story (we still have to see them get matching tattoo's so it's not quite the whole conclusion but still!)

i'm glad you like how i expanded upon the m/c and yoongi's story! honestly- i think it reads totally different and like- totally changes how the rest of it goes and gives you a different view on it, there's so much more rawness in the new version, i know i'll probably hear that people like it alot less but i'm still very excited for it!

please don't chicken out! i hope people know that if i don't respond it's not because i'm offended/don't value your ask its just that sometimes words are hard for me and even small responses can take a bit out of me. my brain feels like bad soup someitmes and its hard to pick the words out.

thank you for finally telling me though! it's hard to belive that i would never have known that the series was so loved or smiled so much last night while reading it if you'd never have told me! i don't think i'll ever know quite how many people love bily because i know there are silent readers. it's dishartening but! i will do my best to overcome it and continue to give you more!

[heavysighing-dreamyeyes]

HELLO rae it is me again !!!💞💞💞

Theres something that gets me thinking when im reading about Jason which is the differences between Jason and AK!Jason

Its kinda similar to that post you made a while ago about how they are different people and therefore will act differently and that is sooo true

Like first of all, the part of his death

I like how its that thing that completely changes Jason because while Jason's rage was [intensified] from the Lazarus Pit — hallucinations, physical and mental modification and just an overall change in youre whole being, he never really changed being the way he is

But AK!Jason is driven completely by emotions, its ten times more raw and fragile since he never died in the first place, so there was no mysterious magic soup that changed his brain chemistry, he got instead (by his words) filled with rage and pain that he cant take it out of him, since basically he grew up with all the torture from his teens to adult life basically (When the human brain is developing!! How nice!!)

AND THEN MY DEAR I SAY HOW whilst Jason did die, he came back to life, he was given a second chance to live again, whereas AK!Jason cant, because he never died, yet he was killed in the most brutal way known to man, so he was killed and left like that, like something hollow sent out to the world to survive.

Jason chose his path by himself, although it'd be hard, he could (and did in a way) go back to his family, but he doesnt agree with Bruce's methods of doing things so he decided to do it the way he deems effective.

On the other hand, AK!Jason never wanted to be in that cell confined for years knowing nothing else but pain, and no one knew that AK!Jason was alive either but he believed people just thought so because they abandoned him. He was completely on his own and saw no other choice but to do what he had to do.

I guess its also why i like AK!Jason x reader fanfics a lot, i think its interesting how people insert a character into the life of someone who feels so beyond help. Thats also why youre my fav AK!jason writter honestly

ANYWAY THATS JUST RAMBLES BEFORE BED BYE RAE TAKE CARE OF URSELF 🥰🥰💋💋💋

Hello, nonnie! I always love seeing your thoughts! oo, okay, I'll have to do a whole other post on my thoughts on pit madness and fandom vs canon, cause I could go on for ages. But that's besides the point. (idk if it'll be an popular opinion so I'll just keep that to myself for now lol)

I could talk about AK vs Jason for hours too. (I have and will again) I looove what you said about how AK never got to live again, because he never really died!! It's so visceral.

Here's this boy who everyone thinks is dead. They moved on, found ways to cope and 'honor' his memory. But he's not dead. He's not dead and every piece of vile trash Gotham has ever spit it out is taking out their aggression on him for months and months.

Even with all the awful and the abuse and things that make you sick to think about, he has hope. He believes Batman is going to come from him, that if he's brave enough and holds out for long enough, he'll be saved. Until he doesn't. Until there's a new Robin.

And if Jason isn't Robin? If he isn't struggling and fighting to withstand torture as Robin? Then what is he doing? What's the point? Is he even anything now other than what Joker says he is?

Both Jasons had hope. But AK is the one that had it wrenched away from his hands one broken finger after another. Truly, he was broken down until he had nothing left and all there was what Joker made of him.

Except that's not quite true. He still had the strength to escape, still was able to make a deal with Deathstroke, still was able to claw and scratch and turn himself into something new.

It's why I adore him. There's something about the indominable human spirit he portrays and continues to portray. He could have won, during Arkham Knight, he could have let Scarecrow torment Batman on live TV and he could have used every skill and coin and connection he had to take over Gotham. But at the core of who he is, Jason Todd is good.

So, he helps, both Jasons do. It doesn't matter if you agree if what he does is right or how he does it is moral. He saves people, he cleans up the streets, and he does it all from the view of a victim who doesn't want anyone to be able to commit the horrors that were committed to them.

And now if you add the reader into the mix of all of that? Someone he loves? Somewhere between that cell in Arkham and him donning the suit, I think those feelings are going to get twisted. It's not that he loves you any less, it's just that it feels different. Love turns into a desire to possess, and not out of a need to stifle who you are, but out of a need to keep you safe.

He's seen the worst of Gotham, god forbid that ever comes near you. He's going to do whatever it takes to ensure you remain untouched, and untainted, even by him.

[d1gnan]

here's a little deep dive on the fight club necklace / my process in general hehe

i put like way too much thought into all my jewelry and this is about to be the most in depth ive actually ever gone about my process so sorry in advance 4 how long winded i am

(and if ur new to my jewelry i get everything secondhand and i upcycle so i source from places like estate sales/thrift stores/antique malls/ebay/shop frum peoples personal collections etc )

i think the necklace and the original paper street bracelet i made speak the same visual language as the paper street house pretty well because i sourced most of it from some of my oldest and most visually ornate jewelry finds.

a lot of the beads from this one are actually from this really dope older lady i knows collection/more specifically from a costuming warehouse in nyc and the jewelry is just so ornate and crazy and out of style, i imagine they were once worn by the kind of people that wouldve gotten their soup peed in so its kind of fun to reclaim them for something like this

when i went to go look thru my stash i was specifically thinking of chipping wallpaper and pulling anything that evoked that to me-kind of corny for a second, but i love beat up old houses visually and theres something so cool about the juxtaposition of ornate/destroyed. layerS and layers of beautiful print made sad and irrelevant by its surroundings. these (the houses and the jewelry) were luxurious and cool and trendy at one point and now theyre completely obsolete and funny. i honestly think the whole thing screams tyler durdens philosophy also

( a beautiful thing destroyed, the performance of put-togetherness+ wealth, putting stake in material goods+trends only for them to be completely stripped away by time )

but anyway yeah when u put these glamorous old things together with stuff like keys and charms that don't match and mix gold/silver, you get this really lived in and sick junk drawer effect, and when you pair pale whites with pale greens it can kind of give a souring/moldy/aged look

little more specific callouts tho for references (left to right)

golf club charms r pretty obvious

the green engraved stone i grabbed immediately because it gives the old wallpaper feeling i was going for

theres this golden charm that's kinda like a kitschy grandma charm, it says "1 minute/1 hour/1day/1week/1year/1leapyear/1century" and i put that as a reference to "this is your life and its ending one minute at a time"/"i am jacks wasted life" and i also think it works on another level/kindamatches with fight clubs irony since its like supposed to be a cutie love commitment idk at least 2 me hahaha

the little step ladder charm and the key i added so that it would read as yeah a dirty old unfinished house/kinda a visual junk drawer..the key i got at an estate sale (i got a bunch and had to make key soup to clean them all)it opens something somewhere

the dog vaccination tag is there both as a reference to the guy that they threaten but then also slightly as a nod to the narrators wacked self esteem the whole like puppy dog obsession aspect IDK

theres a little P and S charm for paper street

the freshwater pearl at the end and the plastic bone shaped bead are kind of supposed to give teeth/bones like subconsciously, i tried a kind of similar thing when i made jewelry based off of pearl from X and tried to make like a rotting looking necklace

theres a little coke bottle cracker jack toy on there too, if ur trying to condense fight club into symbols, glass bottles pop up in my brain so i wanted to find something like that and i got lucky. theres also a little green telescope cracker jack toy thats kind of rusty and i picked it up for how well it matched what i was going for visually but i feel like it could also be a space monkeys thing

any way thanks for looking at this, like i said this is the deepest ive ever gone into depth about my process, but this is why im so drawn to creating jewelry it feels like taking a picture or finishing a puzzle i just do it in a really specific way and it always feels fresh and new when i start a new project, (i definitely dont always have this much to say i promise) but any way hope this was cool

[eurydicejones]

i feel like saying some things that i believe or figured out with my anorexia recovery

-adding protein to carbs goes such a long way. even if its poptarts and lunchmeat. who cares. it helps your body digest the calories and makes it last so much longer so you dont get a super hard crash.

-they are lying about "dont eat before bed" u can eat before bed. it doesnt matter. maybe dont eat until youre fucking bursting at the seams bc that wont feel great when you lay down but if u want to have a bowl of cereal before bed. go for it. im not joking that shit saved my life.

-toppings are great. toppings on ice cream. toppings on yogurt. toppings on oatmeal. i couldnt do toppings on anything else bc itd fall off but it prob works for other ppl.

-if u know ur hungry but u dont feel hungry drink some water ur probably also dehydrated and its like. the water pops the hungry barrier. and then u want food.

-mindful eating (focusing on eating when youre eating it helps with your hunger/fullness cues and like your relationship with food and eating) is so cool. but if youre having trouble getting yourself to eat its perfectly fine to do something at the same time. theres a lot of meals i wouldnt have eaten if i didnt have something going on to distract me. you can do mindful eating another time. its okay.

-food novelty is also helpful. i still have issues when i have like a meal thats all mixed up in a bowl. im just like ya thats enough for me. except for pasta and soup. but thats me i really like pasta and soup. try getting another thing in another container. like fruit or a side. like a banchan. (im not korean thats just the best word to describe various sides that ive literally ever heard)

-starving yourself is actually bad for your skin. im not trying to push beauty standards if u have acne who gives a shit. esp if you dont give a shit. but i had HORRIBLE acne for years. nothing worked. and then i recovered and i still have acne when i neglect my skincare but my baseline is much clearer. and personally that makes me happy. so if you know youre not eating enough and you have acne. could be connected.

-theres SO MANY REASONS ONE MIGHT EAT. like not in the "eat because you need to do this blah blah blah" im talking scientifically. there are many factors that play into human hunger. you god physical hunger. we know her. belly goes "hhnnnggff hungry" and we go okay here u go girl. preparation eating or whatever. you know u wont be able to get a good meal when u need it so u eat in advance. social eating. everyone is eating together. u wanna eat with them. you eat with them. its beautiful. taste eating. like a craving. you wanna eat the thing that tastes good even if ur full. do that with caution bc you might get sick. emotional eating. also do this with caution bc you might get sick. but youre sad youre angry u wanna eat something THATS FINE U CAN DO THAT YOURE ALLOWED. theres also another one where your body is like "we need this food idk how it tastes but we need it" i was never told what that is called but it was in my side of the mountain where he was like I HAVE TO EAT THIS SQUIRREL LIVER oh my god ew its disgusting and then hes like ooooohhh i need vitamin a. that also happens. so theres a lot of reasons one might want to eat. and those are cool.

-ill say this next one with the caveat of im AFAB w the uterus and the ovaries and the estrogen. like yk how m*tt w*lsh would be like "define a woman" those freaks would be talkin about me. i dont stand by them but thats my equipment. and if you have the same equipment you will very likely go through a "second puberty." i have a different menstrual cycle. it was 31 days and now is 28 and its still regulating itself. and i got my period literally uhhh almost 7 years ago. but i lost her so. and i got taller i had like three growth spurts. my chest shrank and then grew back and then grew more. my horny levels went up. normal puberty things but like round two.

-my brain is not foggy anymore. like not regularly. i can think clearly because my brain isnt starving. im not necessarily smarter i can just think faster. and thats cool.

-also i can go up stairs better.

-the only issue is that i have problems standing and walking around for long periods of time. i get really tired. i think i either need to exercise more or its just something im gonna suffer from forever. im probably gonna end up suffering forever bc truth be told. i am scared of exercising. hehe.

-im happier too. could be the antidepressants could be the food. i dont know. but its fun!!!

-heres a scary thing. you will never be prepared for how hard eating disorder recovery will be. i had anorexia but any ed. will be the hardest thing uve ever done. and i graduated high school without knowing i DESPERATELY needed disability accomodations. it requires SO MUCH self reflection and vulnerability and scary shit. eating is terrifying. thinking about why you dont wanna eat is scawwy. gaining weight is freaky. its all scary and hard but u still gotta do it. figure out why for yourself. im not gonna tell you.

-people have different eating disorders for different reasons. for like two years ppl were like "why are you ashamed of your body? why do you wanna be skinny? why dont you think youre beautiful?" and then i figured out literally one random thursday "oh i dont think i have value unless im on the brink of death." and then i was like "thats stupid." and then i gained like 35 pounds and now im here. its not always body image. and its also not always anorexia dont be a fuckass whos like "YOUR ED ISNT A REAL THING STOP LYING" stfu.

-those bmi calculators are lowkey bs. when i was starving myself to the point where i could barely stand and i lost the thigh gap i had SINCE I WAS BORN the calculator was like "ummmmm youre kinda underweight. but a little bit." fake news. and now im healthy. im at my baseline weight. cognition good organs good brain good life good energy good and i checked the bmi thing for a health assignment (didnt wanna but i had to) and it was like "youre actually like slightly overweight. not goooood." and i was like huh. bc like one im. not? and also like whocares. whocares. not i. not i sir.

-following that literally only stupidheads will care if youre fat. like if you have health issues relating to your weight or like its making your life harder. thats grounds to lose weight. thats chill bc thats a decision you make. many haters will be lying about what makes someone fat and many haters will be like u suck bc youre fat. theyre full of shit. dont listen to them they are fuckass stupidheads.

okay im gonna call it there. some of this is just about food and eating and some of it is about body image and recovery stuff. but i hope it was informative or helpful or fun and i love you and youre strong and sexy or youre ugly if u wanna be. u are an ethereal deity of a faraway land or youre like freaky lil swamp creature if thats more your vibe. im proud of you either way

okay bye much love kisses

[snow-and-saltea]

aaaaaa had a rough couple of days. im gonna just start writing about them here under the cut so i can verbalize what i went through

i couldn't sleep well for the past few days, like running on naps and 2-3 hours of sleep or smth, and 2 or 3 days ago i crashed and slept for a full day. and i felt so guilty. it was funny because i wouldn't feel guilty if i was alone; i felt guilty bc i was afraid i was gonna get yelled at and stuff, smth abt not being able to win either way even if i do sleep or not, so i figure id better choose to not sleep and appear energetic, visible and action oriented so my mom doesnt figure out im slipping back into a breakdown

anyways. i remember being really weirded out bc ive always associated that heavy sleepiness with me taking my sleepy meds, which ive not been taking on purpose for a few months now (unless i really need them, once or twice a month randomly). so ive been just running on manic anxious energy just to keep myself appearing functioning so no one will have anything to criticise me for and i think i dipped so much into the manic i became extremely paranoid, being deeply misanthropic, hating my friends for not knowing how badly im hurting despite not telling them explicitly that im hurting, feeling alone and scared, easily scared and on edge from sounds and stuff, not being able to calm down and relax bc of the imagery in my head.

then i realised i was obsessively making myself feel paranoid by rereading texts, interpreting someone's probably innocent motives badly, etc etc. so i decided to uninstall the thing so that i physically would only be able to do that behaviour on my computer, which i rarely use to actually talk to people + me being tired makes me lazy to exert the energy to make conscious decisions to open the computer, type in my password, open the app, wait for it to load, and do the thing. theres a lot more steps in between so theres a lot more chances for me to turn away to do something different, and bc im already very tired just thinking of all those steps demotivates me from wanting to do it, even though my manic paranoid brain wants me to. self manipulation ftw

it was really hard to talk. it felt like everything i said or wrote came off as so flat and curt that i was always worried that i came off as angry bc i know how i usually sound more... energetic. or emotive. everything i say sounds sarcastic even though i mean in a neutral way, i just don't have the energy to consciously control my tone to make sure people know im harmless. i just don't have the energy to maintain social niceties bc it feels like there's so much information to juggle.

i think its also like. i mean ive talked about it in therapy before but i have some sort of... compulsion? or obsession? with being "consistent" in my personality or behaviour. means if i had a bad day i dont wanna behave like i had a bad day. i want to behave like nothing happened to me, because it feels too revealing and opens me up for targeted insults when i unintentionally let people know (through my behaviour) that im having a bad day, and in the case of my parents, itll devolve into them trying to fix me, feeling frustrated that they can't. so i just dont let them know so we don't have to reheat that soup again. i do that by appearing peppy, pretending ive got the message they were trying to teach me and learned the lesson, put myself down before they can, etc. and even just saying that and writing that down that my behaviours are intentional, i already feel So vulnerable bc it feels as though im now inviting scrutiny. i already feel like i want to fuss around w my fingers bc i want to do something. i feel so weird. i kind of want to crawl back into my skin

and im so sensitive to slights and any signal of rejection from friends that at any small sign i think someone doesn't really care but is being nice, i shut down. i think im quite sensitive to that. its so... difficult to let other people take care of me. to entrust themselves to their care, bc i worry that they're not going to care for me as much as i care for me in the places im tender at, and its really scary to just have to do that without any single preparation of what to do if i get my feelings hurt in the process but i feel like itll be insulting or disrespectful to the other person's efforts of helping me. bc i want to be nice to them. and reciprocate. but it's difficult. and i don't know what to do other than just try to see them in good faith cus beggars can't be choosers, so i cant comment on any care i get cus i don't get a lot of it. i guess

hmm. this is very uncomfortable to talk about. i feel very pathetic. but at least i put it out here so that's something i guess. writing all of this out, this really emphasizes the reason i can't talk to friends about it. its so heavy and intense. no one asked to carry that weight, not even me. how could i ever put this burden on someone else i care about. i think id rather die

sorry that was a shitty note to end on, i don't think i can force a positive conclusion out of this. my head hurts from crying so im gonna get some water

[kcrossvine-art]

Good morn/noon/evening/after-you-woke-up! Now, I want you to imagine we are in a beige and light oak dressed kitchen, theres a plastic bowl artfully place on the island you bump your toes and hips on, and in that plastic bowl is plastic fruit, and on that plastic fruit is a decades worth of dead skin dust built up. It smells like vanilla perfume from the dollar store. On the 32-inch TV screen PBS is playing episodes of the coming of age drama 'Arthur'. We're cooking 'Stones Inna Swamp' from the Redwall Cookbook- And now a word from us kids…

(You can find the original recipe at the bottom if you’d like to follow along)-

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to a Stones Inna Swamp?” YOU MIGHT ASKWELL for ya soup base-

White beans

Kidney beans

Vegetable oil

Onion

Celery stalks

Garlic

Sliced mushrooms

Green bell peppers

Vegetable stock

Chopped tomatoes

Parsley

Paprika

Salt and pepper

Canned beans might work well if you dont want to soak overnight, just thoroughly rinse and dry them first. And for ya dumplin's-

Rolled oats

Breadcrumbs (preferably whole wheat)

Parsley

Margarine

Cheddar Cheese

Do be careful making these, the dish caked to the pan like ive never seen anything before.

AND, “what does Stones Inna Swamp taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

Its a, it feels like adult babyfood, almost?

The 'dumplings'- they taste like meatballs??

This recipe would probably taste better with Regular Meatballs but these are mice so its understandable

Theres less liquid at the end than the 'swamp' name would imply

Texture similar to a mash

Most flavor comes from the aromatic ingredients

Could deal with a bit more spice

The vegetables could also go for a nice sear or roast beforehand

Pairs well with a gelatin desert and sparkly water

The dish your white parent makes when they do something 'experimental'

. The dumplings dont have a measurement for the salt, I did what felt right and I'd say it came out to maybe ¼ cup salt? . Water measurement for dumplings is way way too little, do the tablespoons and then also half cup. . Where margarine called for, used butter

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It gives off the air of when your children complain about taco tuesdays, but they cant cook for themselves and your partner refuses to learn, so you pick something out from pinterest that says "Healthy Veggie Sunday Dinner Done in 10 Minutes!". Its not bad in the traditional sense, its bad in the sense that it brings not much good. This may partially be a neurodivergent thing but the amount of soft textures just fucks with my brain.

I feel like I'm eating joker mush. The cheese is a nice touch though!

From start time to serving time, it took about 2 hours, but that could be cut down with experience. I would highly recommend either cooking the parsley dumplings separately and then adding per serving, or serving and eating immediately, because they Will get soggy and they Will fall apart over time.

 The flavor itself is very nice and savory, the more salt  you add the more itd taste like meat I think! As usual, please do feel free to add more spices than listed. I could see smoked paprika, cumin, and sautéd spinach going enhancing this a fair bit. I think if I were to make this in the future i would fry the dumplings before adding them in with the soup, to give it more texture and 'body'.

I give this recipe a wham-bam-ghost-you-ma'am of 3/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) And now back to our show...

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Bean Soup Ingredients:

1/2 cup dried white beans

1/2 cup dried kidney beans

4 teaspoons vegetable oil

1 1/2 cups (1 large) sliced onion

2 celery stalks, chopped

1 garlic clove, crushed

1 1/2 cups (4 ounces) sliced mushrooms

2 green bell peppers, seeded and chopped

1 cup vegetable stock (or 1 cup water and 1/2 cube vegetable bouillon)

1 can (14 ounces) chopped tomatoes

1 tablespoon chopped parsley

1 teaspoon paprika

Salt and pepper, to taste

Parsley Dumpling Ingredients:

1 cup rolled oats

1/2 cup breadcrumbs (preferably whole wheat)

2 teaspoons chopped parsley

1/4 cup margarine

1/2 cup grated Cheddar cheese

Soup Method:

To make the soup, soak the dried beans in water overnight.

Drain the soaked beans and transfer them to a large pot. Add water to cover and bring to a boil. Boil the beans for 15 minutes, then reduce the heat and simmer until the beans are completely cooked, 40 to 50 minutes more. Drain.

In a large, preferably nonstick frying pan over medium heat, warm the oil. Add the onion, celery and garlic and cook, stirring, for 5 minutes. Add the mushrooms and peppers and cook, stirring occasionally, for 3 more minutes.

Add the beans, stock, tomatoes, parsley and paprika. Season with salt and pepper.

Bring to a boil, cover partially, and simmer for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Dumplings Method:

To make the dumplings, stir together the oats, breadcrumbs, parsley and salt in a bowl. Add the margarine and rub it into the dry ingredients with your fingers until evenly distributed. Stir in 2 to 3 tablespoons of cold water, until the mixture just forms a dough.

Form the dough into twelve 1 '/2-inch round dumplings. Add the dumplings to the bean mixture and reduce the heat to low. Simmer, covered, turning the dumplings after 10 minutes, until they are cooked through, another 20 to 25 minutes.

Sprinkle with the grated cheese and serve.

[kimarisgundam]

I'm happy for you that your GM let you have humanity points for talking to the therapist anon

BUT I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR OC'S MENTAL HEALTH I JUST WANT YOUR OC TO GO MAKE BABIES WITH THAT ROCKERBOY

What is the problem here? That rockerboy PC is your type of guy so why don't you like him? He is in love with your netrunner and I want this ship to sail

Stop thinking as your OC and think as yourself Forgot about survival in Night City and THINK

Your OC and that rockerboy arent compatible because he is problematic? BULL SHIT

You like Johnny Silverhand

Imagine that rockerboy had Johnny's face

If that is Johnny will you accept his """problematic"" actions cheating smoking drug use and drinking? THINK KIM

You like bad boysand theres a bad boy waving a sign around with the words I love you and your OC rejected him?????

Why are you so fixated on this???

I told you, it's really not like that. Our characters are best chooms

...

What have you done... I didn't have a face to attach to her character cos we didn't make character tokens (everyone's characters kept getting killed 😂)

Now that you made me imagine him as Johnny Frigging Silverhand, I can't unsee it

Oh no 😫! He's my type 😫

Omg I called her character a selfish dumb gonk 😭. I would never say that to Johnny 😭. Johnny is the smartest person in Night City 😭

If I attach Johnny's face to her character, all our "best choom moments" suddenly seem romantic to me @_@

Omg...

buying my Netrunner stuff

always sitting next to each other in the truck

matching stickers on our guns

starting a fist fight with someone who insulted my Netrunner

asking her to leave the city with him

sharing with her that stargazing Braindance

OMG O_O... everything suddenly seems romantic O_O"

I was mad when he ruined my character's date with his drummer by showing up with our cat. But if I imagine it's Johnny, suddenly that's cute O_O

Omg that cat. He asked me to co parent a cat with him O_O. Best friends don't co parent cats together O_O

I shot his bike tires when he tried to get me out of the city immediately after our other party member got killed (I thought it was insulting, I'm not a deadweight. I can fight)... but if it's Johnny, I'd be touched >_<

He's trying to protect her in his own gonked up way ;_;... omg that's so sweet ;_;

I'm suddenly not even mad about our recent combat encounter anymore... and I feel bad for yelling at our Rockerboy immediately after he woke up at the Doc's place 😭

What have I done 😭. Omg I'm sorry Johnny 😭. I wouldn't have done that if it was Johnny 😭

I would have been gentler, kinder, and more encouraging 😭. I would also have made warm soup 😭. And I wouldn't have said "shut your mouth and eat your tube taco. I paid 1 eddie for it" 😭

Help me I'm dying

My brain just shortcircuited

[cognitosclowns]

We love AB brain rot here, I'm currently sick so I was wondering if I could get HC's for AB tasting classic feel good foods for the first time. Like chicken noodle soup.

GUH <333 I ALREADY DID SOME SICKFIC STUFF HERE BUT <333 IM A SUCKER FOR THIS KIND OF STUFF + FOOD HCS SO,,,, EEE <33

SFW BELOW,

Tw for food and cooking!! Illness, medicine!!

GUH <3333 THERES SO MUCH CUTE SHIT HERE

I already did one where he's a Worried Mess (tm) so how about when he's maybe,, 80% less anxiety and 40% more competent??

AS MUCH AS YOU BEING SICK SUCKS ASS <333 YOU CAN ABSOLUTELY MAKE HIM TRY SOME COMFORT FOODS <33

because,, its YOU and you’re SICK and >:(((( if you two sharing a meal is gonna make you feel better, than goddammit fine he’ll swallow his pretension for 30 minutes.

 in all honesty

he doesnt eat that often, even after he gets his tongue upgraded bc it feels like more of a hassle than its worth

when he does eat its,, usually ungodly combinations of ingredients and/or things that absolutely should not be consumed (the mental image of him eating a bowl of Dried Herbs like cereal will never leave my head)

SO,,, <333 THERE IS A LOTTA STUFF HE HASN'T TRIED?? LIGHTNING ROUND SMDNSDM

He doesn't get the whole Chicken Noodle Soup thing and why that's your go-to when,, there's much better combinations of foods to assist immune system function?? But he doesn't say anything bc <333 he has learned not to be a brat when you're sick.

IT DOES TASTE GOOD THOUGH <3333 he understand a bit better when he notices how much it,, warms him up on the inside <333

Applesauce???? is,,, fine??? He's a very textural eater and its too soft for his liking. He'll stick to Just Apples!!

Oatmeal feels like he's chewing on paper. Horrible texture and absolutely flavorless. He doesn't understand why people eat this. You're adding at least 7 different things to make it palatable. Oatmeal isn't a food that's a test of endurance smnsmds.

TEA <3333 he'll insist on you having at least one or two, and ofc he's gonna have one with you because,, <3 tea <3

>:( he will complain if you ask him to make you a cocoa because the sugar isn't gonna help >:((((( its gonna irritate your throat, it isn't worth it (he will still make u one if you want it smdnsmd just with a lot of whinging. also i HC this man having a Massive Sweet Tooth But Refuses To Admit It...... so instead of making himself one, he steals a few sips from yours when youre distracted lmao sorry)

You suggest garlic bread and because he is a Weak Willed Man Who Cannot Resist How Cute You Look, he absolutely makes some <333 he has 7 slices and then insists 'its nothing special' while reaching to munch on another one. Stubborn bastard can't just admit he likes things smdnsmd

NSBDNSD OKAY THIS ISN'T COMFORT FOOD BUT LIKE,, BUT <333 

he keeps insisting on giving you some Cough Syrup and,,, eventually you get fed up and say that 'youll only try it if he has some too'....

OKAY HE HOLDS IT TOGETHER FOR LIKE 5 SECONDS BUT THEN HE TRIES TO SWALLOW AND,,, yeah he's pulling out alll the expressions, lunging to Inhale Water to dilute the taste, Wiggly Fingers (tm), slams his fist on his thigh hard enough to dent it-

 MSNDSMD ONCE HE HAS IT DOWN HE WONT STOP SWEARING AND PACING AROUND THE ROOM???

<333 on the plus side, he'll never insist on you taking it again. In fact he may just throw it out when you aren't looking smdnsd what a horrible substance

THIS WAS SUPER CUTE <333 TYSM ANON, TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF!!!

[someone-always-cares]

bonus 1, page 5, post chapter 4

first - previous - next

[image  description: an sac webcomic page. “I've always looked up to her. Even if we didn't see each other much until we moved here, since she grew up in Mexico, and I grew up in Japan, but our parents are very close, and we're the same age so we just hung out at reunions.” mateo goes on, fiddling with his scarf, sort of smiling. “I'm in this place because of her, honestly. I've never actually thought myself as hero material? I just... followed her here when she joined.” “Because I guess I've just always thought that, yeah. Of course she's going to be a hero. And I should also try and be like that? Being a hero. I have superpowers too, so I have some.. responsibility to be a hero?” his expression looks more anxious, gripping his scarf. “...Guess seeing those bodies brought up bad memories. Thanks. For checking upon me.“ they let go of the scarf. “...Do you want a hug?” asks rami, as he reaches out concerned. “...yes” mateo grabs onto the finger of ramis outstreched hand, hugging it. “haha. ...You're both kind asimilar in that way.This hero stuff comes naturally”. he says, grinning. “not really.” rami replies off screen. “huh?” “It doesn't come naturally. It would feel really easy to just... not do this.“ rami says, leaning over as mateo looks up, still hugging rami’s finger, the pov behind his head. end id]

kindness is a choice that we have to make every day of our lives

theres more to say about that but ill be honesty ive spent the last 5 hours going through my comic and making a spreadsheet of how many characters swear and what swears and all that and i have no energy left because i lost track of time and its midnight and i have work tomorrow. may add the swear spreadsheet to the extras blog also. uh yeah anyway brain is soup now so if i messed up in the id thats why

[simptasia]

ultimate ship meme ask <3 for science trio!

ah, thank you! i’m so sorry it took me this long to respond, i didn’t mean for 2 bloody weeks to pass. i kept procrastinating or being too tired

daniel + charlotte + miles

General:

Rate the Ship Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OT3 to Rule all other OT3s

How long will they last? 

eternity and then some

How quickly did/will they fall in love?

daniel @ charlotte, i’m thinking like a week or so. kinda hit him like a bullet

charlotte @ daniel, two or three weeks

daniel @ miles, somewhere from a couple of months to a year

charlotte @ miles, in living timeline didn’t happen, in limboverse, i’ll give her 3 months. and she loved him as a friend already anyways. i imagine it’s her who brings miles into the fold, allowing the sci trio to be fully realised

miles @ daniel and charlotte, oh Fuck Knows. it happens, but [shrugs]. and i like the idea that miles didn’t realise he was in love with daniel and charlotte (and sawyer and juliet) until waaay after their time together. like he falls in love with richard and then The Power Of Hindsight kinda fucks him over

(and for anybody who gets snippy saying that “a couple of weeks is too quick to fall in love!” or some shit: my bf fell in love with me in 2 weeks, and for me it took a month. so nyeh. also hurley/libby, sayid/shannon and charlie/claire)

How was their first kiss?

all of these take place in limboverse

daniel/charlotte: so i imagine this happens like right after they Remember, so emotions are running high and char is like “i’m gonna do something i should have done when we were alive” and just sorta grabs dan’s face and <3

and dan is stunned for a second and then sinks into it. you know that lovely trope of somebody being kissed and their eyes are open and then they practically melt closed from the kissy feelings. and they’re soulmates and this has been a long time coming and i feel cliche but uh, fireworks

daniel/miles: so the three of them have started Their Thing and like, they’re in a sexual relationship now but because char started this, dan is unsure about like, do him and miles do... stuff... together too? is that a thing? they were all touching each other during The Event. plus dan isn’t exactly sure how he feels about miles, but he’s been slowly getting more attracted to him over time. and also dan’s never been with a guy before. so yeah dan is overthinking things and meanwhile, miles is like “if he’s up for it, i’m down” but keeping his distance because like, it’s dan and he doesn’t know if dan is into him

that was a long build up to say, eventually the dan/miles side of the triangle does get figured out and after a moment of awkwardness dan kisses miles, tentative at first and then That Spark happens and they both get into it. at one moment miles pulls back just a bit and dan deliriously like... chases his mouth. because it turns out kissing miles is awesome. and miles notes dan’s a good kisser too, and dan isn’t even offended at the surprised in miles’ tone. 

so in short, dan and miles’ first kiss went on for longer than miles expected because dan got tingly soup brain

also in both of dan’s first kisses with these two he kept his hands to himself outta 1. not thinking clearly because Mouth Things and 2. awkwardness. both char and miles had to grab dan’s hands and place them upon themselves, to remind him, you have these, please use them (there’s a line i give char: “i think you’d find i have many lovely things below my shoulders, dan”). from then on, dan is Characteristically Handsy. annnnyways!

charlotte/miles: it was very shortly after they met actually. pierre introduced them at the museum and there was attraction yes, but also this spark which they both wordlessly acknowledge. when pierre has left (just to get coffee hjjdhasa), they talk for a bit and then casually agree to go somewhere private. a coat check room. they got hit with familiarity and both of them being the type of people who have casual sex that information translated into “i’m gonna fuck this person now”

so basically their first kiss was messy, frantic, impulsive, clothes quickly being taken off, etc etc. thats how their friends with benefits thing started, even before they were friends, really. this was years ago and they became besties

Wedding:

in this set-up, it’d be dan and char getting married

Who proposed?

dan, technically but it wasn’t a surprise. marriage was something both of them discussed for a while before and char was the one who brought it up

(and here is where she jokes “you know what my mum would say about me marrying an american” and daniel gets an Awful Feeling from that)

Who is the best man/men?

well, miles, of course. richard is also one of the groomsman <3

Who is the braid’s maid(s)?

Why Weren’t You Allowed To Have Lady Friends

and besides that, most of the available women in lost have Moved On

annnnd i just remembered char has two sisters. chelsea and chloe

Who did the most planning?

char. it’s not that dan doesn’t care, it’s just she just has more preferences. patterns and colours and things like that. but they all pitch in at least a little

tho miles is the least help. at one point char holds up two swatches for bridesmaids dresses and asks which one he likes more (she’ll decide herself, she just wants Interaction, for her nerves) and miles doesn’t look up from his magazine and says “the left one”. char is annoyed and he says “whichever one is closest to purple”. they’re each a shade of green and blue

Who stressed the most?

oh, char. she never thought she’d get married so she’s never really emotionally prepared herself for it. or for planning a event like this. she isn’t paitent with people she doesn’t already like so dealing with wedding business people has been a task. and just. marriage isn’t stressful, weddings are. which is why dan is gonna be a good boy and absolutely help. and miles is also helping...

char: and how exactly have you been helping??

miles: [serious tone] i’m the plucky comic relief

char: [death glare]

miles: ...i’ll go pick up the flowers

- later -

daniel: heeey miles, you know how you and charlotte like to playfully snipe at each other? ...you can’t do that right now, she’s kinda stressed

miles: [wheeling in dozens of lillies] yeah, i figured that

char, from the other room: WHY ARE CAKES SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE

How fancy was the ceremony?

Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

i’ll give this a 7 outta 10 on the “ooh aah” scale. oh yeah they could absolutely afford a huge fuck off wedding but they didn’t want one. also another reason they didn’t have a Huge Wedding is that dan, char and miles legit don’t know enough people i always picture their wedding happens in like a park. a nice one. and there’s a real prevalant flower motif happening here. arch covered in flowers, petals on the ground, lotsa white lillies about. there’s a real English Garden / cottage aesthetic vibe to this. char’s got a flower in her hair and i just decided her wedding dress has like cloth white flowers on it, not all over it. so like, the whole thing is cute and elegant  and flowery and more expensive than it looks. the main colours being used are white, light blue and lilac

oh oh, the cake is chocolate on the inside! and it’s white (duh) but with lilac flower trim around each layer. char never planned for a wedding before but once she adjusted to the idea she was like “this is gonna be really really pretty”

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding?

eloise. no explanation needed

Sex:

Who is on top?

well, everybody who can be, has been. char has defo given dan and miles the strap. the least toppage going on is dan topping miles. very rarely happens

Who is the one to instigate things?

well, char is the Most instigate-y and dan is the least instigate-y, with miles in the middle. and damn if that doesn’t sum up their dynamic

How healthy is their sex life?

Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

gonna give them all, overall, a reasonable eight. it happens a Lot, but it’s not a crazy amount. (except when dan and char are trying for a baby, then dan is... dan is... lovingly tenderized)

there’s diff variables (heh) at play here, but for the most part theres quite a bit of sex going all around. so yeah, their neighbours don’t like them very much, because char is Really Really Loud and easily satisfied

How kinky are they?

Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

that 8 is via the power of char and miles’ kinky tastes

dan is decidedly more vanilla but willing to try new things. and he’s got some latent kinks/fetishes hiding in him that these two bring out of him

i’ve gone into this many times but basically char is into being dominating, miles loves pain and as far as dan’s brain is concerned, Charlotte Is A Fetish

there’s more going on than that, but i’m being succint

How long do they normally last?

miles doesn’t last notably long, or notably short. but he seems like a real stayer in comparison to dan and charlotte. char comes quickly and repeatedly

dan, oh dan, he’s not. he’s not lasting long. this is not bad thing. he was worried about it at first but char is a-okay with this. she wuvs her boy. and besides, he has pretty good recovery. so second round if the first round was like a bit “oh”

dan is sensitive (and autistic!), sex is a Lot for him. anyways miles has defo joked about these two cumming at the drop of a hate. another reason the neighbours are annoyed, Please Go To Sleep Charlotte (nyet)

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms?

nobody here is unsatisified

How rough are they in bed? -

Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it

on this scale, i’m giving dan/char a 2 to 4, char/miles a 5 to 10 and dan/miles a 3 to 6. and all together oh... anything could happen

the general “rule” is Take It Easy On Dan, He’s Delicate

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do?

No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory

so much. so much cuddle snuggle uwuwuwuwu no no get back here miles you cannot escape, come back here and be loved

dan is a major cuddler, very tactile, char is pretty affectionate. miles used to be “meh” on affection but he’s warm to it these three cuddling in bed lives rent free in my head 24/7

Children:

How many children will they have naturally?

i’ve given dan and char 4 kids (three girls and a boy). penny, ada, marie and isaac. i’ve made charts about this

hypothetically, like in sims, i’ve given char and miles a daughter but i’m not commited to that idea, like i don’t have that in my Internal Canon

but he’s their papa too, emotionally <3

How many children will they adopt?

none, unless you count rats

Who gets stuck with the most diapers?

dan’s job requires the least Work, so he’s at home more often, so yeah

Who is the stricter parent?

char, but she’s not strict strict, this is just in comparison to daniel “but i can’t say mean things to my babies” faraday and miles “wanna learn how to shoplift?” straume. she’s not a Mean Nagging Mum stereotype tho, i won’t allow it

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school?

dan and char are Equally “you can’t be doing stuff like this, it’s not safe” whilst miles is lowkey encouraging it. but after a stern look he has to admit riding a scooter on the school roof is kinda fucked up. like miles is... miles but he doesn’t want his babies like actually hurt, he’s still a good dad

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)?

dan dan the photographic memory man

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings?

char, because i think that’d be really funny. and i want all of them to go to at least one meeting together, because they heard some bitch refer to their daughter marie as “that weird child” and that she warned her children to keep away from dan, char and miles kids. and also she refered to dan, char and miles as “deviants” cuz she feels kids shouldn’t have three parents

soooo char is going to publicly cut her down. verbally and viciously. dan and miles are also angery but they’re there to make sure char doesn’t actually physically beat this woman. and also this final caveat:

miles: [eating a sad looking muffin] and your muffins suck too

Who cried the most at graduation?

char but dan and miles are crying too

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law?

MILES IS A COP!!! and it’s never felt so good until the moment ada got busted for drinking at a party when she was only 17. oh miles isn’t that abusing your authority? “yeah but every cop does that, i may as well do it for my kid”

yeah, that crime is  the worst thing i could think of for this, i don’t think these people’s kids would do like actual bad crimes

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking?

you know, i tend to picture miles cooking the most. my typical default for imagining char and miles chatting is that they’re in the kitchen, she’s holding tea and he’s making something on the stove. typically mac & cheese. or bacon

but really i think they all cook a decent amount

Who is the most picky in their food choice?

dan because he’s autistic and has some medical requirements, like my esoteric headcanon that he cannot digest meat at all

Who does the grocery shopping?

char and miles are more used to it, whilst i imagine dan has barely set foot in a grocery store in his life. but upon, like, being a grown up, he starts going more with char and miles and he likes it, for the most part. the lights are a bitch, tho

i think dan does it the least, miles the most, and char and miles go together more often than not. oh, and when char is out of pads and she forgot to stock up, miles is the designated Get Me Pads And Painkillers You Bastard man

tho that trope always confused me, as somebody who has at least 5 packages of pads in my pad drawer at all times. are there really period having people who don’t stock up ahead of time and have to ask their significant other?

but i digress

How often do they bake desserts?

not notably often, but i’ve defo imagined miles making Special Brownies

which daniel proceeded to eat all of in a fit of I’m Suddenly Very Hungry

what’s that puddle over there? oh it’s just dan

but anyways thinking on this, i can see these three making a cake together. and it goes a little wonky because their kitchen is small and Too Many Cooks. but a flat chocolate cake is a cake nonetheless. monch

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater?

dan: salad, the other option is No Good, so my boy is a vegetarian

char: i’ve made her more a meat lover than a veggie lover (tis her love of a proper English Breakfast) but not overally so

miles: defo likes meat (and savoury things in general) over salad. he’s not one of those guys whose a dickhead about it tho. veggies are just alright to him

tho i can see miles teasing dan about his “rabbit food diet” (which isn’t even apt because rabbits aren’t in the habit of mainlining noodles and pasta)

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner?

aaahh this feels like something dan would do, he wants to be ~womantic~

Who is more likely to suggest going out?

char, the extroverted outdoorsy one

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking?

dan because he got distracted by something. like he was cooking something in the oven and then some Musical Thoughts overtake him and he’s gotta write it down and wait 30 minutes have past OH GOD THE PIE BEEP BEEP BEEP

Chores:

Who cleans the room?

The Room. the Singular Room

anyways they all clean, it’s not very interesting to think about

Who is really against chores?

none of them. miles will half-heartedly complain sometimes but he grew up used to helping out around the house

Who cleans up after the pets?

dan and char clean up after their rats and cat because they are responsible pet owners. and char will clean miles’ wounds because jean-luc is a bastard cat

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug?

what kind of idiot... No!

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over?

i can’t see this, like any of them getting stressed about that

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning?

miles’ dollar now

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths?

dan takes longer showers, char takes longer baths

Who takes the dog out for a walk?

no dog, only kitty. kitties don’t go for walks

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays?

ohh i imagine char decks the place out for christmas. she loves christmas because good family memories. and also she has knitted christmas jumpers for her boys (and cat). christmas and halloween is the only major holiday that they got ham for. and by they, i mean char and miles

dan is just happy to be here

char: you know miles, it’s january and that little bat is still hanging above the fireplace

miles: if you wanna take him down, you can

char: ...no, i just wanted to adknowledge him

dan: he’s part of the family

What are their goals for the relationship?

uh, love, sex and babies. duh

Who is most likely to sleep till noon?

miles. coffee keeps him on his work schedule

Who plays the most pranks?

well, miles, obviously. i can’t think of any because i don’t really go for pranks but nothing elaborate, simple stuff. does that “orders a black coffee at macdonalds when your kids are in the backseat” count as a prank. miles would do that, pause for enough time for the kids to be like :O and then ask for their orders

there! done! wowee, bless any y’all who take the time to read All Of That

[soaringsearingphoenix]

1, 20 and 46 for the unusual ask thing 🌻

Thanks!!

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

No. I wish i was someWHERE else a lot but I don't really wish I was someONE else.

Sometimes I have the feeling that I've missed my chance to be the best version of me. I lament for missed opportunities to learn language sooner, hobbies I didn't pursue, desires I didn't fight for as hard as I could have, a body with limitations that kept me from things I really might have loved.

And that's a feeling I've been fighting. Because at the end of the day, I have always done the best I can with the circumstances and opportunities available to me. Most of the experiences I've missed, I've missed because I was spending that time taking a chance on something else. Many of my struggles and disappointments have made me a more compassionate and better friend - and have shown me how much my friends care about me, by being by my side through them

There is a certain allure to the idea of a world a few hundred years ago where you could up and move towns and start a new life with a new identity. I bet I would've done so, just to try it. But when you travel, the one thing you always bring is yourself, and on some level, even with a new name and history and career, it still would have been me living that life.

And there's always the chance that things could be better now if things had been different in the past, but we are really only made of variables, and every tiny building block of my life, every component, has made me the person I am today which, even through struggle, is someone I love to be.

But also

I DO spend a lot of time "being" someone else when I'm playing D&D and other RPGs, so any part of me that craves 'being someone else' is pretty thoroughly sated I think.

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?

Yup! I mean not ridiculously older. Most people you meet are gonna be either older or younger than you?? When any two people kiss one of them is gonna be the older one?

Anyways. When i was in freshman year college my boyfriend at the time was a sophomore. A few people i mentioned that to gave me kind of a concerned look and i was like "let me be very clear, i hit on him." We dated for six months. It was a learning experience. We don't talk anymore and as much as I'm glad for that I think that, in some ways, he was probably better at being a partner than I was, not that there is a scoreboard. 'Bout a year after that I came out as ace (partly to myself. Took me long enough to figure it out).

Don't actually like kissing much. I mean, I like it sort of symbolically as a thing of closeness and caring but as far as like, actual. Textures and sensations. It's, overhyped I would say. That gifset of the girl taking a sip of something, grimacing, taking another sip and going "well?" Like she's considering it. Me about kissing every time without fail. Doesnt actually make a difference who i kiss or how good they are at it. I dont think my sample size needs to be statistically significant for me to say that. At least one of the people I have kissed was, I think, Good At It. Its definitely a me thing. To go back to the talk about being a different person thing for a sec. Any time i think 'bout the fact I've kissed people theres some part of my brain that goes "unrealistic. OOC. Not canon compliant." It lives in this surreal part of my memory where its like "WOW thats unusual". I would not say that kissing is at the core of who i am as a person

46: Do you think people say I love you too much?

No! Not at all. I think people say "i love you" as much as theyre comfortable with.

I almost said "people dont say 'i love you' ENOUGH" but that's not quite it, I don't think. I think people don't HEAR "i love you" enough. People say I love you in all kinds of ways. People say "it's so good to see you!" And mean it. They say "i've missed you." They say "i am going to bring you some soup i made." They say "i found this cool feather, i know you collect them." They say "look at this picture of a sign i saw, it reminded me of that activity we did together."

When you see someone walking to the coffee shop a little bit behind you, and you hold the door for you, that's "i love you." When they smile and say thanks like it means something to them to have been noticed, that's "i love you." When they insist that you go ahead of them in line anyways because you really got to the door first that's "i love you".

I think people don't always know what others' "i love you"s sound like. I'm not sure if my brother hears it in "do you need anything while i'm at the store?" I'm not sure if my friend hears it in "i love the minecraft house you made!" or "tell me something interesting you learned this week?" or "your character voice is fantastic." I'm not sure if my old roommate heard it in "thank you for washing the dishes, i've been having a really bad day," or hears it now in "when I can travel I want to visit you again!" I don't know how to tell them other than to keep saying these things.

I think people say I love you a lot, and I think that's great, because people need to hear that they are loved as often as possible. They don't always believe it. With repetition, they might start to, and that's what I most hope for

[sirsapling]

MORE TAGGED POSTS

I got tagged in a bunch more things I didn't respond to fast enough, so UNDER THE CUT THEY GO. 

I have too many things to respond to, so I won't be tagging, but consider yourself tagged if you want to do any.

IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS

Tagged by the wonderful @bardingbeedle​

Pass the happy!🌻🌿 When you receive this, list 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the last people in your notifications!

Lying in warm blankets in an cold room. Bonus points for snow outside.

A fresh Buzz cut

Talking to @bardingbeedle​

Having long, passionate rambles about the Marvel Ultimates

Hashbrowns, bacon, maple syrup, maybe a pancake, and a sausage too.

Tagged by the chaotic @s-hylor​

top 3 cities you want to visit: Toronto, again. Colorado (I know its a state not a city I just want to visit ashes AND GET SNOW). And I would like to go back to Italy again. (I also want to visit, just, all of my fandom friends but I don't want to drop all their locations lol)

favorite marvel character: Ults!Steve Rogers and then Ults!Tony Stark. Not counting stony, Anthony the brain tumor, and not counting clones, Gregory Stark.

white chocolate - yay or nay?: Love it, love it, love it.

favourite board game: God Save The Queens- A board game about Bees I invented with 3 other people at University last year for a project.

how many countries have you been to: 10, I have been very luckily graced with the ability to travel to Europe with school a lot.

(Wales, France, Belgium, Germany, Switzerland, America [Florida, Boston, New York], Spain, Portugal, Italy, and finally Canada.)

favorite thing to do on a rainy day: Anything indoors I might usually feel guilty about doing when its sunny. Tv or games particularly

favorite holiday: Christmas. I am a Christmas slut, call me festive sapling I LOVE Christmas.

pen or pencil: Pen. I once bought 7 in lisbon at the same time bc they were perfect and I didn't want to run out.

favourite kind of soup: Cupasoup Chicken noodle, I don't really like soups tbh, I like broths, and gravy type things I make too much of and eat like a soup (like golden Currys or korma sauces)

your typical order at a cafe or coffee shop: Caramel Frappucino or an iced Mocha. If I'm gonna pay a fuck tonne for coffee I'm gonna get a drinkable dessert.

favorite ride at an amusement park: Any slow rides that show you shit, like spaceship earth at EPCOT. I’m not really a speed dude.

the color of your sneakers: RED, red shoes are the shit folks, a good pair of red converse goes with everything.

favorite pbs show (or little kids show if you didn’t have pbs):  Uh I used to watch pokemon then winnie the pooh every single night. But little little kids show I used to watch a show called 64 zoo lane with my grandma so I have fond memories

Rules: name your favorite female characters from 10 different fandoms, then tag 10 people.

Tagged by the wonderful @ashes0909​

Natasha Romanov - Marvel Cinematic Universe

Carol Danvers - Marvel 616

Janet Van Dyne - Marvel Ultimates

Izumi Curtis - Full Metal Alchemist

Martha Jones - Doctor Who

Garnet - Steven Universe (if she doesn't count bc, space rock, Connie)

Rosa Diaz - Brooklyn 99

Ann Perkins  - Parks and Rec

Princess Caroline - Bojack Horseman

Pam Poovey - Archer

LOOK I know there was a lot of cheating here, but I don't have non marvel fandoms really, and I have a hard time remembering a lot of the TV I enjoyed.

Rules: Share your top 10 AO3 additional tags. Tagged by the mysterious @nigmuff​

look I don't know if I have enough tags to make this a justified representation, but the ones shown are v much on brand.

Fanfic trope meme

I was tagged by the delightful @capnstars​ and @crownofstardustandbone​

slowburn or love at first sight // fake dating or !!!secret dating!!! // enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers // oh no there’s only one bed or long-distance correspondence // hurt/comfort or amnesia // fantasy au or modern au // mutual pining or domestic bliss // smut AND fluff // canon-compliant or fix-it  // reincarnation or character death // one-shot or multi-chapter // kid fic or road trip fic // arranged marriage or accidental marriage // high school romance or !!!!middle-aged romance!!! // time travel or isolated together // neighbours or roommates  // sci-fi or magic au // body swap or genderbend  // angst or crack // apocalyptic or mundane

Look guys, I’m boring. I like domestic 30-40 year olds in secret relationships. We knew this.

And now buckle the fuck down folks because I'm about to answer 50 questions about me no one is gonna stick around and read.

tagged by @bardingbeedle​ the only person who would put up with reading this much about me.

What is the colour of your hairbrush?

I have a buzz cut, I don't have a hair brush anymore.

Are you typically too warm or too cold?

Too warm. I have been warmer than most people my whole life, and I often need to sleep with a fan on.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Working on a sketch for an MTH fill (update from the end of this: I have spent an hour doing this fuckin thing)

What is your favourite candy bar?

Bounty. My favourite candy is Reese’s Pieces but I like a bounty. Or like, and chocolate without fruit in it tbh.

Have you ever been to a professional sports event?

Yes, one of my parents referees Championship Football here in the UK. I have been to a few of his games. I also went to the London 2012 Paralympic closing ceremony, if that counts.

What is the last thing you said out loud?

‘Oh, this will last me a few days’ I was talking to my mother about 1/2 a can of pringles, I was lying.

What is your favourite ice cream?

Vanilla. I am boring. But the best ice cream i’ve had was a cream/milk flavoured gelato in Florence, that shit slapped. I also like cheap strawberry ice cream when no one is trying to put strawberry bits in it.

What was the last thing you had to drink?

Dinner. A spinach, banana, summer fruits and coconut yoghurt smoothie (with extra raspberries). Its my nightly dinner to cheat more veg into my body.

Do you like your wallet?

Very much. It’s about 7-8 years old, it is faded to hell but it has spiderman and a pony ride stony pin

What was the last thing you ate?

See above smoothie comment, but if that doesn't count, a sugar free mint polo.

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

Nope. I don't buy as many clothes as I want to, bc mens clothes in larger sizes are hard to find or expensive here.

The last sporting event you watched?

F1, I don't keep up but I watch a little with my dad every now and then.

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn?

BUTTER. They don't really have it here, and I don't go to movies much when in the states. But @festiveferret​ introduced me to it when we saw Ant-man and the Wasp, and much like poutine and Tim Hortons, I still crave it.

Who is the last person you sent a text message to?

My dad. 

Ever go camping?

Yes, I was a Scout. I have done enough camping to not want to do more, it was fun when I wasn't organising it.

Do you take vitamins?

Yes, but not as often as I should, and as much as my mother bothers me too.

Do you go to church every Sunday?

Nope, not even when I considered myself christian. I go only go to church for other peoples events, and I’m an agnostic now.

Do you have a tan?

I cannot tan. I just can't, I burn lobster red in 5 minutes outside without literal sun cream for BABIES

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

Chinese food, It was easily what taught me to like more foods also, I don't eat tomato so I can't have most pizza. I love a good garlic base/bechamel, but you can't really get that here easily (yes yes I could make my own but that ruins half the point of pizza)

Do you drink your soda with a straw?

I don't drink carbonated drinks, because its like drinking pain. The fuck is wrong with all of you.

What colour socks do you usually wear?

Various colours, but I consider red on the left, blue on the right, my lucky socks. No I don't know why, but I take all exams and interviews wearing them. It’s just a thing.

Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

I don't drive, but if I did, No. Theres a lot of questionable laws out there but Traffic laws aren't one of them.

What terrifies you?

Pfft, most things from spiders to rollercoasters. But more seriously, Being shouted at. Shout at me and I start hyperventilating, its a thing. Also not knowing if someone is mad at me. I’m not good at reading people,

Look to your left, what do you see?

The wallet shown earlier, and the sugar free polos mentioned after that.

What chore do you hate?

Vacuuming. It makes everything in my body hurt. I would rather clean toilets.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

@s-hylor​

What’s your favourite soda?

See above. I do not like your pain liquid. Apple juice for life.

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus?

Either delivery or kiosk, I don't like talking to people where possible, I often need tweaks I don't want to have to remember to repeat.

Who’s the last person you talked to?

@downeyhills​

Favourite cut of beef?

I don't generally eat beef, lamb, or most red meats. I love crispy chilly beef, but as anyone can point out its bc your generally don't feel the texture of the beef.

Last song you listened to?

Everybody Wants to Rule the World | Tears for Fears | Pomplamoose

I’m on a Pomplamoose kick, and I also just love this song anyway.

Last book you read?

Understanding Comics (The invisible Art) - Scott McCloud

Favourite day of the week?

Friday nights. The weekend is ahead and @loraneldin​ and I take to wrangling our beloved usual suspects through another week of Ults Book Club.

Can you say the alphabet backwards?

I can barely say it forwards.

How do you like your coffee?

With milk and sugar, or ultimately, in a Caramel Frappuccino bc I'm a bitch like that.

Favourite pair of shoes?

I have walking boots that don't make my flat ass feet feel like they’re dying. OR my black and green crocs (Fight me, they’re useful).

The time you normally go to sleep?

9-10 is what I'm working on, but I fluctuate depending on if I'm working on something or not.

The time you normally get up?

5-6 If I have a choice in the matter, but often 7-8 if I didn't get to bed at the right time. I’m more about getting the right hours in for my diet than time specifically.

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets?

Sunset is the prettiest, but I like to be awake to see the sun rise.

How many blankets on your bed?

One big thick comforter, because that's the uk standard, and I get too hot otherwise.

Describe your kitchen plates

Two types, big wide white ones with a navy blue rim. They are so large I never use them, and little Navy saucer plates I use a lot.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage?

I don't drink, so no. I drink apple juice or Shirley temples when I'm in pubs/bars

Do you play cards?

Sometimes, I like to teach people to play Old Maid. It’s the monopoly of card games.

What colour is your car?

Again, I do not drive. 

Can you change a tire?

I am aware I just said I don't have a car, but I do know how to change a tire. Everyone should go learn its pretty simple.

Favourite job you’ve ever had?

I have only had one job really and two job experience jobs. I did experience in a school library for a week and that was v fun and chill. I did all the jobs they had prepared for me in 2 days so I alphabetically reorganised their fiction section for the rest of the week. I LIKE ORDERING.

How did you get your biggest scar?

I no longer have a gallbladder, so I have 3 scars across my torso from that, the biggest right in the middle of my ribs. Non surgical wise I have matching scars on my knees from ripping holes in them when tripping. I have weak ankles and also I got both of those at different times.

What did you do today that made someone else happy?

I gave my spare animal crossing Iguanodon skull to a wicked artist I follow on twitter so he could complete his dino park. 

[flame-cat]

mag 184 liveblog [spoilers lol] [long post, sorry i cant put a readmore]

-oh a brook? theyre hiking through the woods? sound pleasant on the surface which cant be good

-ok yes i get it unquantifiable horrors

-wait the noise is

-oh. oh dear god its not a brook at all is it

-oh jesus thats nasty

-quindicillion???? jon you nerd

-numbers never meant anything jon lol

-(spiral of ants by lemon demon in the distance)

-just succumb to the ants jordan lol quit being a pussy

-so this is a combination of the buried and infestation yeah? yeah

-oh you cant ever stop? oh mood

-oooooh i can almost imagine the sfx is a storm outside and its oddly soothing?

-oh Jordan your choices dont matter lol

-jordan ant kin momence

-there are no correct answers here, Jordan

-aha! theres the bites

-my skin is gonna be crawling all day! excellent job alex and jonny!

-ohhh dont open your mouth jordan

-oh hi lito

-wow u got some pipes jordan, join the choir lad

-awwwww lito loves the ants! how sweet

-ok so jordan sees it as the buried and lito sees it as the infestation

-i mean its ants all the way down i guess

-omg we have a canon name for ant guy from lemon demon's spiral of ants

-youre freeeeee nowwwwww forever to dance

-ok damn lito REALLY ant kin momence

-any ant kins in the chat?

-oh hi jordan

-damn youve looked better

-oops! jordan you have fucked up and lito will-

-yep hes gonna kill him

-ahhhh another commentary on late stage capitalism

-hmmmm i do love metaphors

-finding and killing the queen will do nothing jordan

-DOOOOOOONT LEEEEEEET THE BASTARDS STEP ON YOUR HANDS

-more capitalism metaphors

-oh? the vast too?

-something something soup

-ahhhhh thunderstorm asmr annnnd the statement ends

-ok hes joking lmao

-he... oh

-oh. huh. good riddance i guess

-THE. ANTS??????

-OHHHHH I LOVE THAT

-martin just NOPE ALSJDBDJDKDKD

-i love how jon says "tomb"

-yeah probably a bad idea

-what to... do?

-usually... oh

-i do love the dry humor in this-

-DINNER PARTIES SKSJDJFKFKJA MARTIN

-awwww jon wants to grieve

-oh god now we- oh that sounds bad

-what ARE you doing here JESUS

-WHAT ARE YOU-

-"what does that mean-" martin is such a bitch

-MAKES HIM YOURS?

-HUH??????

-JON WHATD YOU

-DID HE. JUST.

-OH MY GOD DID HE JUST SAVE SOMEONE FOR REAL?????

-oh

-oh that. thats why he

-ohhhh the tiny way jon says "good?" ohhhhh

-"i didnt ASK for this" OHHHHH

-yeah good question!!!!

-martin has a pointttttt

-jon. jon? uh oh. ohhhh dont. oh he

-hes kinda been twisted hasnt he

-just wanted to spare him what he could... awww jon

-hes TRYINGGGGGGG

-never be alone again DAMN

-i like how he said "touch" and not "hurt" as that includes positive touch

love love LOVE this omg. excellent worldbuilding really playing with the what ifs here. like hey wait what if jon CAN protect people? oh. its still bad. its badness all the way down.

once again going for the whole "if the only choices someone has are bad ones does that make them a victim or complicit?" and how theres just no simple answer to that. theres no defining binary between who is good and who is bad because everyone, EVERYONE is just trying.

except jonah. fuck him.

also love the look into jons brain here. how hes very much part of the eye now, even ENJOYS the fear it feeds him, but thats not how it works for everyone. there was a time when he WAS scared, where he DID feel sick, but hes not even close to human enough for that anymore. can barely remember what it felt like to want to cling to being human because hes at the point where he cant even let himself imagine anything else.

he fully doesnt expect to survive to see the new world and i cant blame him. jon isnt human. he just isnt. not anymore. and DAMN thats tragic

excellent episode i loved the ant asmr im gonna listen to spiral of ants on repeat now

[mimiswitchywrites]

Hello im having an existential crisis again and its annoying so im going to give you the rough recipe to some soup i made and then im going to complain

and when i say rough recipe, i mean it. also i have no pictures so honestly you shoudnt make it because you really have nothing to go by other than me when i say it was fricken tasty other than i should have put some sugar in it. 

ANYWAY, soups: I think i used 3 potatoes, 2 tins of chopped tomato, half an onion and 4 carrots? and then i put in some salt, corriander powder? ground coriander? idk the name, and some pepper. this is also where you should put in some brown sugar but i forgot to do that. i put in however much water fills up my kettle and so it didn’t overfill the fat ol’ pan i used. i also put in around 4 teaspoons of vegitable boilon? boulon? something beginning with a B that means its veggie stock. i let that boil for 25 mins ish, did the mushing it down thing and then put it in the bottom oven of the aga so i guess that means on a low heat? 

on to the crisis. i really just want to get to the living part of life and i feel powerless to do anything to make it faster. there are so many steps i have to check off first: finish college, have money, know what i want for a job and then go do it etc. but i don’t know how to do that and i know i need to complete each first to know how to do the next but that so fricken boring. I don’t even know if i am doing what i want to do in college (good thing about my course is that i have far more freedom of paths) but the only other thing i can do is go into work or an apprenticeship but i want to do freelance probably so i have to wait until im 18 and i just want to do things and theres only so much time in the week that i can do that. 

i want to be able to leave the house more, become an artsy recluse, do and see so much more poetry, socialise (which i fucking did on wednesday and im so proud of myself but also hate that im proud of myself for just seeing people), make more magazines and online content like that, journal more, send more to my secret sister, do more for other people but in a healthy way like with my postcards and just get my brain situation together. i am doing the brain stuff slowly though: im in group therapy now and then have 1:1 too and i think this could actually work out for me (just need to actually tell mum about it). everything else i just feel like i dont have time for and my list of resolutions is getting shorter and shorter because i just dont think i can do them and that fucking sucks. 

anyway, im going to get a new notebook tomorrow lunch time and im very excited about it. 

enjoy the soups if you attempt it. highly recommend looking up a proper recipe.